#sorry to anyone who thought Kirsten was cool

[littleroundpumpkin]

Fun little Far-Fetched Fan comic! (Self-care can be saying the flannel isn't necessary)

[taylors-karma]

Night one rankings! Read if you dare:

STAN STAN STAN

1. Blue (prev 1)- I knew I was right about her. She’s so cute and cool and I get the vibe that she’s gonna be good this season. I love her so much

2. Felicia (prev 4)- I am choosing to stan now because I think she’s gonna come in for the kill and I am so ready for it. Also good for her for not caring about her age! I’m a bit scared for her rn since she’s on the block but if she can get herself off of it I will be very happy :).

Good Vibes

3. Mecole (prev 6) - I’m binging her up because I think she’s gonna be a good player. She seems like a strategic queen and I could see her making it pretty far. She has good potential, maybe she’ll even be stan worthy if she keeps it up. 

4. Jag (prev 2)- Not much has changed tbh. He only got booted down because others showed me more than he did, but I still have faith in him. May he continue to not disappoint me!

Give me a little more

5. Kirsten (prev 7)- She goes up a little bit after mentioning an all girls alliance, but the term girls girl gives me war flashbacks and she was being a little braggy. She’s giving me slightly off vibes but I think I could like her if she did a little more. Maybe we’ll get something since she’s on the block now. 

6. Bowie (prev 3)- I just felt like she could have done more with her intro? I still think she’ll be fine as of now, but I didn’t get much other than she’s a lawyer who’s also a DJ. 

Not as bad as I thought

7. Hisam (prev 11) - I actually really liked his intro a lot. He seems like a nicer version of Michael and kinda killed it in this competition, so maybe he’ll turn out to be lit. Sorry for misjudging you man. 

8. Jared (prev 10)- He seems pretty chill and normal as of now. I know I was super wary of him before, but I will say that it’s super interesting to have him and his mom on the season together. Good luck to him moving forward. Hopefully he doesn’t stay on the block this week. 

9. America (prev 14)- I actually don’t hate her.....yet. She seems a little boing and I didn’t get much from her, but she wasn’t horribly annoying or problematic like I thought she would be. Maybe she’ll totally surprise me. 

10. Luke (prev 15)- I still don’t fucking trust this man, but I don’t hate him as much as I thought I would. His art is cool. I don’t think he’s going to do much though. Follower in a big alliance at most. 

Boring

11. Reilly (prev13)- She moves up a little bit because she’s not as bitchy as I expected, but I just don’t see her being interesting at all. Maybe a little quirky, but all of that seemed super forced like she’s trying to be funny and different. I don’t think she realizes how basic she is. 

12. Matt (prev 8)- He didn’t do anything wrong; he only moved down because others moved up. He just doesn’t seem interesting and I can’t bring myself to care about him. All I know is that he’s a deaf swimmer. Hopefully he does well though because the disability representation is super cool. 

Please shut up

13. Izzy (prev 5)- I can’t explain how she went down other than she’s just fucking annoying. Just so incredibly cringe. Trying way too hard to be cool and liked, thinks she’s the shit for some reason, loud and obnoxious. She almost had me with the Tiffany and Da’Vonne stanning but then had to throw Kaycee’s name in there and ruin it. I want to like her so bad bc she’s a queer musician but goddamn she’s making it hard. 

14. Cameron (prev 9)- He’s just annoying, sorry. I hate his hair, I hate his voice. He just bores me idk. Like.....they could have gotten anyone else. Why him. 

15. Red (prev 12)- He went down because others went up and he somehow got even more annoying. I was ready for him to shut up as soon as he opened his mouth. I’m sick of the hillbillies!!!!

I hate you

16. Cory (prev 16)- He’s the only one other than Blue to not move, and that’s for a reason. The more he fucking talks the more I hate him. Smug ass 5′7 21 yo who thinks he has a really good chance at winning the game because ooooh......he’s so smart and athletic and is the most persuasive person ever! Literally stfu. I hope they torture him in the nether region (still laughing about that name). I literally screamed for joy when he got dragged. 

[aion-rsa]

Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s Funniest Guest Cast Characters

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Warning: contains Brooklyn Nine-Nine spoilers.

Brooklyn Nine Nine is one of the funniest sitcoms around thanks to its fantastic ensemble cast and just-broad-enough humour blended with almost-realistic cop show elements. But that great regular cast are supported by an equally brilliant array of recurring characters and guest stars. In this list, we’re celebrating the funniest of the show’s less often-seen characters, those guest appearances who’ve turned up once or twice to inject a fresh burst of comic energy into the show.

Note that we’re not counting regular recurring characters like Adrian Pimento, Madeline Wuntch, or Kevin Cozner, aka Mr Raymond Holt. If they turn up more than once a year, or in more than three episodes in one season, they’re off the list.

12. Adam Sandler, played by himself in Operation: Broken Feather, Season 1, Episode 15

Adam Sandler’s appearance as himself in Season One is beautifully self-deprecating as well as funny. His deadpan delivery of “I’m a serious person” is hilarious in just the right way – of course the real Sandler is, presumably, as serious and as complex as anyone else, but he knows his own public persona and just how to play on it in the right way to raise a different kind of laugh. The interest in antiquities, the planned film about the Russian Revolution, it’s all funny – and somewhat undercut, even more amusingly, by his taunting of Jake straight afterwards. The whole scene did help to flush out a criminal though, so it wasn’t a total loss for Jake.

Funniest moment: Admitting his “serious” Russian Revolution film features Kevin James as Trotsky, and a wife who doesn’t wear a bra through the whole film.

11. Geoffrey Hoytsman, played by Chris Parnell in two episodes in Season 2

When Jake’s lawyer girlfriend Sophia uses her boss as a transparent excuse to break up with him (by going on ‘pause’), Jake wilfully misunderstands and decides that the boss is the key problem, so he sets off to make the man like him. It all goes horribly wrong when Jake finds Hoytsman snorting cocaine in the bathroom, which Hoytsman claims he was doing accidentally while screaming loudly that Jake is arresting him to the whole room of lawyers. Sophia somehow still ends up blaming Jake – probably because she simply wanted to break up with him in the first place – and Hoytsman ends up returning to take Jake hostage and quite seriously threaten his life later in the season. Parnell’s over-the-top performance as a character who is, of course, high for much of the time, is what really sells the character.

Funniest moment: Sniffing cocaine off his collar in the middle of the police precinct.

10. Jessica Day, played by Zooey Deschanel in The Night Shift, Season 4, Episode 4

Back in 2016, both New Girl and Brooklyn Nine Nine were active Fox sitcoms, so the network decided to do a crossover event in which the New Girl characters travelled to New York City and ran into the 99. Most of the crossover scenes actually ended up in the New Girl episode, but Zooey Deschanel’s character Jess Day did make a brief appearance in the otherwise stand-alone Brooklyn Nine Nine half of the crossover. While the New Girl episode provided a lot more context for Jess’s feelings about New York and her stress level surrounding Schmidt’s mom’s car and the soup she’s carrying, her appearance as an apparently slightly nutty woman who resists Jake’s attempts to commandeer the car is an entertaining interlude during the half hour.  

Funniest moment: Insisting that Jake’s oath to serve and protect applies to her soup.

9. Philip Davidson, played by Sterling K. Brown in The Box, Season 5, Episode 14

If this were a list of the show’s ‘best’ guest characters, rather than ‘funniest’, the top ranked would surely be Philip Davidson, played by Sterling K. Brown. ‘The Box’ is a tight, taught bottle episode that takes full advantage of Brooklyn Nine Nine’s hybrid status as both sitcom and cop show, and Brown’s Davidson forms a strong third of a triangle in this three-header with Holt and Peralta. It’s a really strong performance, but given that he’s playing a tough-to-crack murder suspect, not really the funniest, exactly. Still, he gets a good few laughs when appropriate over the course of a really engaging half hour of comedy/cop show crossover.

Funniest moment: When Davidson finally cracks, he cracks hard – his confession is equal parts triumphant, cathartic, and hilarious.

8. Karen Haas, played by Maya Rudolph in Coral Palms Parts 1&2, Season 4, Episodes 1&2

Maya Rudolph has a good line going in slightly weary authority figures (see also: The Good Place). Handling Holt and Peralta while they’re in witness protection is not an easy job and her exasperation at Jake’s refusal to accept his situation is well played. Haas is really funny, though, when she starts bringing her own issues into her official duties, clearly trying to get permission to cheat on her husband from someone, anyone – and Holt is happy to oblige.

Funniest moment: Whoever it is she wants to sleep with is “really young” – something that clearly shouldn’t be funny, but the face Rudolph pulls as she says it is what sells it.

7. Lin-Manuel Miranda as David Santiago in The Golden Child, Season 6, Episode 9

Miranda is marvellously smarmy as Amy’s too-perfect brother, her demanding parents’ favourite, who snubs popular culture and shows off by saving people’s lives (including Amy’s own husband). Amy’s delighted reaction when he’s arrested for cocaine possession and deep disappointment when he turns out to be innocent are highlights, but the funniest scene by far is the dance-off between David and Amy, in which both comprehensively demonstrate that dancing is not among the Santiago family’s many strengths.

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Funniest moment: David thinks elbows should form a bigger part of a dance routine than they really should.

6. Frederick, played by Nick Offerman in Ava, Season 3, Episode 8

Any time we meet Captain Holt’s friends and family, many of whom share his stoic, Vulcan-like demeanour, it’s always hilarious. JK Simmons as his old friend Dillman very nearly made the list, but he was just pipped to the post by Ron Swanson – sorry, Nick Offerman – as Holt’s ex-boyfriend. There’s a lot of crossover between Parks and Recreation and Brooklyn Nine Nine among the cast and crew and Offerman isn’t even the only Parks & Rec alumnus to appear on this list, but he’s probably the one whose appearance most quickly calls to mind his earlier character. The idea that Holt’s ex-boyfriend is Ron F-ing Swanson is just genius. OK, Frederick lacks Swanson’s magnificent moustache (though he has a glorious beard) and he’s even more brusque and stand-off-ish, but he’s a perfect match for Holt, even more in their post-break-up mutual antagonism than we imagine they were in their relationship.

Funniest moment: His straight-faced insistence at the door that they have a “wooden-duck situation”.

5. Mark Devereaux, played by Nathan Fillion in Serve & Protect, Season 4, Episode 14

It’s always funny any time police characters in a cop show visit the set of a TV cop show, and for added meta humour, in this case the actor playing the fictional detective is played by an actor who works on a cop show (albeit as a non-cop character). Phew! That’s a lot of layers of meta. Nathan Fillion’s pompous star who apparently thinks playing a detective makes him a detective is very funny, and it gets better when it turns out that was a ruse to cover up his own petty criminal activity before he folds like wet paper. It’s just a shame we didn’t get to see more of him.

Funniest moment: Devereaux tries turning on the angry detective act from his show to cover up his own crime, only to be confronted with quite a lot more than a “shred” of evidence and fold immediately.

4. Eleanor Horstweil, played by Kathryn Hahn in Hostage Situation, Season 3, Episode 11

We heard a lot about Boyle’s ex-wife over the first couple of seasons, partly because Boyle was still living in her basement, hanging out with her new husband Hercules. We knew what sort of person Eleanor was when Boyle explained that he gets the beach house from December to February. When we finally meet her in the flesh, Kathryn Hahn does not disappoint – Eleanor is surely one of the most purely horrible characters we’ve seen on the show (and yes, we’re including all the murderers). She hits a 90-year-old priest with her car and then destroys Boyle’s frozen sperm, all with no apparent sense of guilt, and she largely gets away with it, too. But she does it all with a perfectly deadpan expression and carefree attitude, each horrifying act funnier that the last.

Funniest moment: She goes further than Jake ever thought she would when she “shoots a hostage” – i.e., throws some of Boyle’s sperm down the drain.

3. Seth Dozerman, played by Bill Hader in New Captain, Season 3, Episode 1

Bill Hader’s screentime on the show is relatively brief, but he is hilarious from start to finish, attacking the squad with every shouted command like he’s firing metaphorical bullets at them. It might actually have been really cool to see the squad try to deal with him as their Captain for more than one episode, with his extremely demanding requirements and very highly strung personality, but on the other hand, perhaps this is a joke that works better in small quantities. Any character whose dying words are “Tell my wife I love her work ethic” is probably a character better enjoyed for a shorter period of time. 

Funniest moment: Both heart attacks are very funny, but the first (non-fatal) one just pips it for the sheer suddenness of it.

2. Caleb, played by Tim Meadows in three episodes in Seasons 5 and 6

Jake is shocked to discover his only friend in maximum security prison is a cannibal (though he would prefer to be identified as a wood-worker), having assumed everyone in protective custody was a wrongly accused police officer. Caleb is surely Brooklyn Nine Nine’s best streak of really, really dark humour – not only did he murder and eat nine and a half people, they were small children too. Every reference he makes to his “nightmare” past is sickly hilarious, and gets worse and worse every time, including a reference to his “skin suit”. But he really does care for Jake, even if he still kind of wants to eat him. The sheer audacity of the black humour surrounding this character is fantastic and always funny.

Funniest moment: Caleb shows that he has a softer side when he saves Jake’s life – but he immediately deeply regrets it and would not do it again.

1. Doug Judy, played by Craig Robinson in multiple episodes (one episode or two-parter per year)

Yes, we carefully defined a recurring character as someone who is either in more than three episodes or who appears more than once a year specifically so that we could include Craig Robinson‘s Doug Judy. It’s our list and we make the rules. There’s something twistedly beautiful about Jake and Doug Judy’s tender but tense friendship, even in the early years when Judy is constantly double-crossing poor Jake. The two of them have perfect comic chemistry, and each running gag in their friendship, especially their fondness for swaggering out in a new outfit or disguise, just gets funnier and funnier. Long may Doug Judy continue to turn up roughly once every twelve months to harass his long suffering best friend.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Funniest moment: Having escaped yet again, Doug Judy leaves Jake a pre-recorded message in a karaoke booth – complete with a full hour of pre-recorded singing for Jake to duet with.

The post Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s Funniest Guest Cast Characters appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[caroline18mars]

Into the night - Chapter 131

Jordan's eyes glazed over staring at the ring, it was the most magnificent piece of jewelry she had ever seen, “I'm so glad you really like that ring, I was so scared when you took it off this morning, I'm so sorry I fucked up, I can only hope you'll still marry me” he whispered in her ear as he crawled next to her in the hospital bed, being really careful with all the tubes coming out of her arms and chest that attached her to the machines, he just needed to hold her for a while and feel really close to her. “I'm not exactly in a position to make decisions or promises like that right now” she sighed “I mean I don't even know if I'll still be alive in a couple of hours, let alone if I'll be able to marry you, you and me..we're just..”, Jared could see the lines of her heartmonitor shoot up in long erratic peaks, the panic was taking over. “You and I are made for each other, we belong together, and yes we argue like many other couples I know, but we always find our way back to each other, don't we? You're the love of my life and my best friend, Jordan McLeod, you need to know that!” he whispered before he pushed a kiss in her hair, breathing a little more relieved when he saw the lines on the monitor go back down to normal. “I won't go back to all the arguments and the misunderstandings, Jay..I just won't!” she breathed as she crawled a little bit closer to him, “you won't have to, we won't have to, I promise, we'll have a normal life once you get that heart..” he started but she interrupted him with a giggle “normal? You and me? Normal? Come on, Jay, you know as well as I do that we'll never be normal, with your job? And the complete madness that surrounds you because of it? I'll never ask for normal because that's not what we are” her giggle died down “speaking of your job..there's something I want to ask you about that”. Jared pushed a kiss on her forehead and let her ask her question “I don't want you to put your career on the backburner any longer, I know you did it for..Charlotte at first and then me, but that has to stop, just promise you'll get out of that weird early retirement funk of yours and go back to acting or singing once this is..all over, you need to get back to  what you love doing instead of locking yourself up”. Jared felt his own heart burn, things were being said because time was ticking and she felt like maybe this was the last chance she would get to say them out loud “Alright, alright, alright! I will, ok? And the first show we play, you're gonna be front row and center, imagine that, your first Mars show ever, some call it an experience so you're in for a treat” he softly said with a smile. “Jay..” she got a little annoyed thinking he wasn't listening on purpose, “I heard you, ok? You're gonna be there with that new heart of yours, you have to focus on that” his voice resounding in his chest over that slow, steady heartbeat of his gave his voice a depth and a warmth she could listen to all day long. “I was never happier in my entire life than this last year with you..” she whispered and before the words could form in his head she put her hand on his chest “let me finish..I really need to say this” and lifted her head so she could look him straight in the eye. “If anything happens to me tonight..I want you to move on with your life, just like you did after Charlotte, I don't want you to stay alone, you deserve to be deliriously happy again with someone that will love you as much as you love her, because you've been through more than anyone could ever go through in life, all this suffering must end, Jared so please let it..let it end”. Jared started crumbling the minute her fingers reached for his face, carefully wiping the tears away “you're a good man, Jared, and you're gonna be the best father for Noah, I just know it, there's no safer hands I can put my beautiful boy in than yours, I know that ok? Promise me you'll tell him about James and Kirsten, I've written a letter for each of you with a lot of memories about James, maybe they will give him some of the answers to the questions he's likely to have..and tell him about his crazy aunt who will always love him, can you do that?” she gave him a faint smile. “Yes..” Jared hiccuped through his tears, unable to say anything else but knowing how important this was for her, “thank you” she kissed his forehead “I love you so much” and cupped his chin  to kiss his lips. “I love you too..you can't go, I can't lose you, I just can't lose you” Jared breathed, grabbing her head between his hands and deepened the kiss “you're all I'll ever want and you're gonna get through this, you have to” he mumbled through his tears.

Shannon tried to get through to Noah who sat on the couch of the waiting room, refusing to say anything, locked up in his own little world, his little hands trembling in his lap  “hey buddy, you hungry? We could go and grab something to eat”. Noah slowly lifted his head and glared at Shannon which broke his heart, he and this kid had always been thick as thieves and now that holy connection seemed broken, he clearly didn't trust him and his brother anymore. He had always thought that Jordan was exxagerating when she talked about how horrible she had felt the first few weeks after her brother died and she was left to take care of Noah, but he believed her now, the poor kid was traumatized..again..if he lost his aunt now, then he truly was alone, alone with nobody but strangers to look after him, everybody he knew and loved would be gone for good. “We can play cards while we wait” Shannon tried again but still no reaction, “ok then..well, what do you want to do..?” Bingo, Noah's head shot up, bright blue eyes drilling into his, still in complete silence but right now he was happy with any kind of reaction “or if you just wanna hang and talk a little, that's fine too” Shannon tried to open another line of communication but his heart plummeted again when Noah, looking pretty much fed up with him, turned his head and kept staring at the door again, server down, connection lost, login refused. “Mr. Leto? Can I talk to you for a second?” the nurse sweetly asked as she opened the door again and stood there waiting for him, “uhm yeah..” Shannon quickly looked at Noah, his heart breaking when he saw the boy nervously slide off the couch and then crawl back on when he realized it wasn't his name that was being called. “Is Jordan ok?” Shannon whispered as he closed the door of the waiting room behind him, “yes she is, your brother's still with her, we'll start prepping her soon for surgery so I was wondering if you would like to see her before we take her upstairs? There's still time but I can only allow one person at a time, we don't want to exhaust her too much” the young woman explained. “That'd be great, but..Noah, he..” he swallowed hard “could you..look after him for a second? Because I'm worried about him, he won't talk to me..to us..you see, his parents died in a car crash about a year ago and I think that..well you know, seeing his aunt in a similar situation, I think he's reliving that trauma and is in some kind of shock..it's just..he's scared and so alone..I love that little man so much and his silence is killing me” he stuttered, choking on his muffled tears. “I'll look after him, don't you worry..just try and keep the faith, we're doing everything we can..” she gently put her hand on his shoulder and gave him an encouraging nod when he looked up “I know..thank you” he took a deep breath, trying to regain his cool before he headed off to Jordan's room. Noah's head shot up when the door opened again, his little hand squeezing the arm of the couch when the nurse walked up to him, he stared at her with those big eyes full of pain and anxiety, “hey sweetie, you ok?” she sat down next to him and took his hand. The boy just shrugged but then the touch of her hand made his shoulders tremble, “it's ok sweetheart..it's ok to cry” no matter how brave he tried to be, holding back the tears was a lost cause, “I promise we'll do our very best to help your aunt, ok? I need to go and get her ready for her surgery later, and I don't know if she would like a blue or a red gown” she said in a warm voice holding up the two gowns “do you know if she has a favourite colour?”. Noah blinked rapidly “red, she likes red” he hiccuped through his tears pointing at the red one, “she does?! Oh, I like her already, red is my favourite colour as well!! shall we go surprise her with it in a minute?” the nurse enthusiastically asked. “Can we, really?” Noah nodded a little insecure, he had been promised so much today and barely anything had been true, he felt really alone and scared but he would never show it, never ever, what if he had to do everything on his own though if his aunt died? how would that be? Where would he go? Would he have to live here in hospital? He missed his aunt Jordan, she would know what to do, she was really strong, when his daddy died she had just picked him up and taken care of him, she was really, really smart! “of course we can, she'll be thrilled to see you! Why don't you tell me about your aunt, you must love her very much if you know so much about her”.

”Shannon, hey?” her soft voice greeted him the minute he walked in, he almost felt guilty for disturbing them  when he saw them cuddled up close on the bed, “where's Noah?” the lines on the monitor shot straight up again when her eyes started scanning for her nephew. “He's fine, the nurse is with him, I'm uhh..not interrupting something, am I?” he slowly walked up to the bed, Jared reluctantly pushed himself up and out of their embrace “I'll give you some space” he kissed her mouth, he knew that time was ticking and that it was his brother's turn to say their momentary goodbyes before they were going to prep her for surgery. Shannon sat himself on the side of her bed, taking her pale, cold hand in his “nervous?” he tried to start up a conversation but what did someone say in a situation like this?, “I've skipped that stage and gone straight to scared senseless” she squeezed his hand. “Hey, you're young and strong, you heard what that doctor said, they do this procedure all the time, just promise me you'll fight as hard as you can” he tried to sound all casual but his own heart was hammering in his chest, “I will..promise” her confidence quickly turned into biting her lip “if you promise me something too”. He knew what was coming, and even if he didn't want to hear it, he had to “anything, anything at all” he breathed, “Noah..I've done everything I could to raise him properly, you know that..but there are some things that I can't help him with, things only a man knows..we all know that growing up he'll need a man to talk to..will you help him with those things? Please? He looks up to you more than anyone” seeing her tear up, he brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it. “Count on it, I'll always look after him like he”s my own son” he whispered trying to push his own tears back, there was no way he was going to tell her about the tense situation with Noah right now, “good! Thank you” she sounded reassured “I love you, Shannon”, her words were so heartfelt he kissed her hand again “I love you too, and we'll all be waiting for you when you wake up in the morning, ok?”. Jared who stood at the door, like he wasn't ready to leave yet, heard a faint knock before the door opened again and the nurse walked in with Noah who let go of her hand and ran straight up to the bed.

“Gentlemen, I think we should give them a little bit of privacy, don't you?” the nurse said, Shannon nodded and picked up Noah “up you go, careful with those tubes” making sure to put him down in a safe spot away from the wires, before he got up and took his brother's arm who seemed reluctant to leave her again. “Are you feeling better?” Noah cuddled up to her, “absolutely, especially now you're here” she pushed her forehead against his and kissed the tip of his nose, “I've got a surprise for you, but you have to close your eyes” putting his hand over her eyes, he sat up a bit to grab the gown the nurse gave him. He checked if she wasn't cheating by pulling a silly face real close to hers “Ok! Open!”. Jordan blinked a few times to see him waving something red wrapped in plastic in front of her which made her a bit dizzy, “It's a gown, Noah picked the colour, he said red is your favourite colour” the nurse clarified seeing the confusion on Jordan's face. Brave, she needed to be brave about this because if she didn't then she would yank all these tubes and needles right out of her body and run away from this place as fast as she could, a heart transplant, live or die..“Oh pumpkin, that's really sweet of you and you even remembered my favourite colour” she put on her most surprised face to hide the cold sweat fear that almost paralyzed her. “It made me think of London when you and Jared went dancing and I had to stay with Nahla, you wore a red dress with that really wide skirt, remember?”, she knew exactly which dress he was talking about, her favourite dress, the mother of all red vintage dresses, the dress that had seen the birth of that first spark between her and Jared. “I want to go back to London with you” Noah said in a sad voice as he cuddled up to her, “I want that too, so so so much” the thought of maybe never seeing her real home again was simply unbearable “but..” she swallowed hard “I asked  Jared to take you to London if I..shouldn't make it”. To her surprise Noah didn't say anything, he just clung to her tighter, “you know that Jared bought our old appartment for my birthday, right? So, whatever happens, that appartment is yours ok? I hope that one day you'll get to live in it and you'll be as happy as I was when I lived there...Oh pumpkin, I wish I could see you grow up” she whispered all homesick and emotional. “Aunt Jordan, you can't say that, you have to go with me to London and you have to take me to school so you have to stay with me” Noah tried to comfort her. A couple of nervous beeps on the nurse's phone, popped their little bubble,

 “It's time, we should really start prepping you for surgery” the nurse calmly said as she put the phone back in her pocket, “wait..no, I'm not ready..I still need to..” Jordan's blood started running cold in her veins, it was too soon, she still needed to say a few things to Jared..Shannon, oh god no, just a few more minutes longer, she couldn't do this, she could NOT DO THIS YET, her thoughts started spiraling out of control. “Just calm down, we'll see to it that you'll get a little more time with them” she quickly pushed a sedative through one of the tubes “but right now we have to get you ready because I just got news that the donor's family signed all the legal documents, I'll just go take Noah back to your boyfriend and tell him the news, I'll be right back”. But she barely heard what the nurse said, why couldn't she be happier with this news? Because she knew that a family somewhere in this hospital was starting their time of mourning over a loved one? Because she knew exactly how that felt and it reminded her of losing James all over again?. “Mr. Leto” both Jared and Shannon's head shot up simultaneously as they heard their name being called “we just got the news that all legal documents are signed and we have a green light for the transplant, my colleague will help you get ready so you can follow us into the OR and be with her as she gets her anesthetic”. Jared felt his legs turn to jelly “she's getting the heart? She's actually getting the heart! Oh thank god! My girl's getting her new heart” he stammered as Shannon pulled him in for a hug.

[gayside-blog]

You have to do them all sorry I don’t make the rules

This about to be so long! But thank you! This kept me busy while at work! I didn’t include questions I answered already so scroll down a couple posts on my blog to see those.

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

Male, he/him

Amaryllis: Birthday?

July 18!

Angelonia: Favorite TV show?

The Office will always be a classic

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” I was always very indecisive until I heard this and it just made a lot of sense to me. Along the same line, “Take it easy, but take it.”

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

Water! But my favorite special drink is probably hot chocolate in winter and lemonade in the summer

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I shouldn’t! (I don’t think I could)

Baneberries: Favorite song?

Literally changes every hour but The Good Side by Troye Sivan has been up there for a while. Iscariot is stuck in my head at the moment. Boy Meets Evil gets an honorable mention. This question is too hard

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

I have my mom who’s a teacher, my brother Scott who’s 20 (21 in a few weeks!) and studying applied math, my sister Amanda who’s 18 and studying animation! I also have a (beautiful) dog Lexie who is 10 and practicing vigilance. I also have a whole extended family that I love and who support me and a bunch of compassionate friends who I want to give the world to

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

I have many! Amanda, Lio and Alex, and Annie and Gabe :) And Lexie!

Begonia: Favorite color?

Yellow probably! The pale kind!

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

Literally any animal, but especially dogs and cats and squirrels and guinea pigs!

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

I think I’m going to be a morning person but I love staying up late & in college, everyone kind of has to be a night person

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

What happens to the animal when I become it?? If I become an animal does that animal then become me? Who’s going to my classes? Do I have work? Do people still know I’m me? Can I talk? What about to other animals? Am I still in Ann Arbor? I have a lot of questions

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

I like kids! I really am excited to be a parent! My number one priority in life is to be a good one

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

Uhh I remember none of it!

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

I’m not dating anyone right now

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

I think it’d be cool to leave the country! But I haven’t really travelled much so I still think going anywhere is exciting !

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

Nope!

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

Nope!

California Poppy: Height?

5’5

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

I don’t know! I think it’s a bit silly to say no because I don’t have any evidence that they /don’t/ but I don’t that they do either. The world is weird. I’d like to be a ghost for a bit so I hope they do!

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

Boots and jeans and a red t-shirt (I realize I wear this most Thursdays)

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

Yeah!

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

My friend Kelsey

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

An ex

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

Hind

Columbine: Are you tired?

A little, yeah. I haven’t slept much these past few days & I think it’s time for a good night’s sleep

Coneflower: Dream job?

I recently am thinking I’d like to teach some college nursing courses one day but I’m not sure! I’d love to get my MSN or DNP and practice as an NP

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

A little bit of both. Almost an extrovert

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

This is hard. I would do almost anything for someone I care about. I don’t think I would let someone abuse me mentally, physically, or emotionally, but also I would save someone I really cared about over myself if it came down to it. Does that make sense? I think it matters that they also care about me and that what I do for others is out of mutual respect and love not manipulation or abuse.

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

I did! Her name is Rabby and she is a rabbit. She was initially my brother’s but he wasn’t interested so I got her when I was born. I also had Baby Blue and he is a very small blue bunny & Rabby’s adopted son.

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Cancer

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

Depends who you ask, but I think so!

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

Becoming a kinder person

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

Amanda, I think!

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

I’m generally a good student! I have a good work ethic

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

Typing :( I failed fifth grade typing, so I still use the two-finger method. Also I’m not good at dancing but I’d love to be!

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

I had a really great spring break with Alex and Lio!!

I went to the Arb with Alex the other day and saw a bunch of deer right up close!

I’ve learned more about myself!

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

Honestly I’ve been feeling pretty anxious today but I did get lunch with Lio and it’s a pretty chill day at work so it hasn’t been too bad!

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

Yes. I appreciate where I’m at and how far I’ve come and I’m unbelievably proud of that, but I also have so much more to improve upon and grow with so I’m excited for the future as well.

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

I’m uhh considering coming out to my nursing friends as gay. We’ll see what happens

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?  

Music. If my thoughts are very loud then I turn up the music really loud and it drowns them out enough to calm down. If I’m anxious, very quiet music helps. The more anxious I feel, the quieter the music. I don’t know why it works but it does. (Note to include here is that what doesn’t help is touch!)

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

Actively working towards bettering myself and my life (still and always working more, but that doesn’t negate the progress already made)

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

I just love spending time with people I care about. It’d probably involve staying up late up to antics or chatting and cooking (and eating) some good food and not anything extravagant. Ideally there’d be pets involved too.

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

Usually I like to just take time for myself. Self care, working out, meditation, Netflix, reading, or practicing the things I’d like to learn (recently, this has been handstands). I think it’s good to enjoy spending time with myself!

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

Like I said, I have many! I’ve known Amanda for my whole life. We got Lexie when I was almost 9. I met Gabe in seventh grade, Annie in sophomore year (but we didn’t become really good friends until senior year!) and I met Lio and Alex September last year when I moved to AA!

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

Amanda

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

A lot! I probably have like 15 close friends but I couldn’t really sit down and list everyone

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

I don’t know! It’s nice when people believe I’m kind or cool!

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

I think I’m a pretty kind and genuine person. I tend to be optimistic and I like that because it took a lot of CBT to get to this point. I do think I’m smart but I also feel that a lot of that comes from work rather than natural kind of ability. I’m also becoming more assertive which is a big deal for me and makes me feel more confident! I think most of the time I look good but I want to work towards being more physically fit and feeling like I look cool because I’m not a big fan of the clothes and things I wear right now. Other than that, I think I come off as a good person and people tend to trust me and depend on me which I appreciate.

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

I tend to be a pretty open-minded person and I like that I try to empathize with and understand other’s positions and adapt to them

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?  

I don’t think I’m very fun, especially around people I don’t know very well

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

My siblings and I would spend a lot of time playing the colony game which I loved! It’s a simulation game we made up and as we grew it got more and more complex which was awesome

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

I had a few! Mallory, Lindsey, Kirsten, Summer!

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

Just every inconsiderate thing I’ve ever said or done

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

Being trans/gay

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

Charles means masculine! My mom just liked I guess and it’s also a little bit of a family name! Fun fact though I really love that my mom picked my name

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

I grew up in the house I live in now! It was always very cozy. The house is really a communal space 100% so I never felt like I couldn’t be anywhere growing up which is so good and it also has a nice backyard and we had a trampoline which was my favorite thing!! I would spend all day out there just being a kid and it was incredible

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

Sparse! We didn’t have many toys besides a couple stuffed animals each but my (and Amanda’s) room had a bunk bed, two dressers, and a bookshelf

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

From what I can remember, I was going through it from about age 10-16. When I started junior year, I ended a toxic relationship and started going to therapy a lot more and it’s only gone up since then!

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

She’s a fifth grade teacher and you’d know that as soon as you meet her! She talks a lot and is very excitable but I love that because for a long time she’s been mentally and emotionally not doing great. It wasn’t easy growing up with her the way she was but now we are both in such better places and I feel closer to her than ever. It’s a work in progress. She is big into physical contact in a way that I’m not comfortable with but that really allowed me to practice being assertive and setting boundaries in a healthy but kind way which has been good for me. She really loves me and my siblings and most people with her whole heart. I love her a lot even though we’re very different people.

Onions: Tell us about your dad.  

Oof. I don’t have much to say about him I guess.

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

They’re awesome!! Pop can be a lot sometimes but we all know it and he’s working on it. They both have such compassion and my grandma is the most graceful person in the world (she’d never let me say that about her if she could hear it but she really is incredible.) Pop is the person who pushes me the most academically but I know he is looking out for me and sometimes he softens up for a sec and goes on about how proud he is and I could cry every time. Both of them give the best hugs. I love them a lot and I’m so grateful they’re in my life.

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

I’m not sure what year it was—I think 14—but my sister had a softball tournament in Wisconsin that week so we were staying in a Wisconsin Dells hotel and it was very hot and I didn’t really want to be at the game. Then, the other team didn’t show up!! So we went back to the hotel and we spent the day at the waterpark and it was so fun and already a great day and then when we came up to the room, my mom pulled out a gift for us that I had no idea she had snuck along and it was just the nicest surprise of a day I’ve ever had :’-)

Peony: What was your first job?

Babysitting! But I guess the first proper job I had was as a janitor

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

At school!

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

I think I have a pretty high physical pain tolerance. Most of it is a mental game for me

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

I don’t know! I’m a strong believer in the butterfly effect so probably nothing (@alex this is a Jin move) but if everything else would be the same, I’d start focusing on recovering/therapy earlier and transition immediately

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

I look up to so many people but I haven’t talked enough about my brother yet so. He’s so cool! I always admired him for being smart and creative (he would make up the most fun games when we were kids!!) but he’s also super charismatic and likable and he’s great in social situations! And still overall, he’s a kind and reliable and caring person. I love talking to him about philosophy and things because he’s super passionate about it and he thinks through things thoroughly and in a way I never thought about before. We’ve grown so much closer in the past few years and I love that.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

I just want to be happy and make the people around me happy!

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

Santa!

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

Amanda

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

Rain outside when I’m inside and it’s just a little chilly

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

I have so many great memories and I can’t pick just one!! I have nice memories of my family spending winter weekends all in pjs and sitting in our family room reading with fire in the fireplace and those are very nice! I also have a lot of great memories at the Culver’s by my house bc that was the high school place to hang out and it was always a fun, chill time :)

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

The most loaded question?? I have some bad memories from being a kid but I’m not going to talk about them in a Tumblr response

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

Usually kind of difficult if it’s got to with emotional things because I’m still working on distinguishing which emotions are which so articulating that can be a challenge when I’m already not feeling good

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

Lexie :(

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

5-6 hours

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

I try to get excited for something happening that day! I also will make time for meditation or something if I’m anticipating a rough day

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

I like it a lot! I work in the nursing clinical simulation lab and I’m learning a lot and it’s exciting to be getting the chance to practice stuff before doing it for class

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

I’m into the pastel inspirational quotes and things because they make me feel very calm. I’m also a big fan of things with symbols and stuff

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

I think the last non-textbook I read was The Stranger over winter break! It was really good!

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

I want to be applying for CNA summer jobs and spending time with my best friends and feeling accomplished about being halfway through nursing school!!!

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

I think so but I don’t want to

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

One day I drank like 150 oz of water in 3 hours and got very sick

[paigehahs]

Friday June 29, 2018

- My roommate, Sydney, moves out tomorrow and my new roommate, Vivi, moves in. It’s gonna be so bittersweet seeing Sydney go, but I’m excited to see what’s in store for Vivi and me. Although I don’t know everything about her, I’m excited to get to know her as the months go on. - Greta Gerwig is directing Litte Women and the cast, so far, is Meryl Streep, Emma Stone, Saorise Ronan, and Timothy Chalamet!!! AHHH! Excited to see it when it’s complete, but confused as to why they’re making ANOTHER version of this movie! There’s been several movies, the 1994 one is The Best One and the one I grew up on. There’s also been a television series on it, so like... why make another one when the 1994 one is practically perfect?! Wynonna Ryder, Kirsten Dunst, Claire Danes, Christian Bale... what more could you want??? Oh, Meryl Streep, yeah, probably the best actress of all time, but Susan Sarandon is The Perfect Marmee!!! Ugh I can’t wait until the movie finally releases so I can write an in depth analysis of the new movie compared to the 1994 movie and the book since I read the whole book back in 8th grade in Mrs. Roberts class LOL Mrs. Roberts class with Kaelin, Brandon, and Josie, I miss those carefree days. - I need to go to bed earlier!!! Really. - BLAKE AND BECCA BLAKE AND BECCA BLAKE AND BECCA!!! Blake told Becca that he’s falling in love with her on The Bachelorette!!! And THEN!!! Becca said that she’s falling in love with him, TOO, but she’s felt that way from the very beginning!!! AHHH! They are the perfect couple, well in my eyes they are. But. UGH! I really hope Becca ends up with Blake because he seems like such a genuine and charming guy. I haven’t found any flaws in him yet, but it’s only week 5 so there’s still some time to find them, but maybe I never will. Oh and also. Garrett, yeah, I think he’s also a good fit for Becca, she seems, REALLY into him! Just watch, it’ll be Blake and Garrett at the very end. - I like Drake’s new song Don’t Matter To Me. - I don’t know what I’m doing for The Fourth of July :( - I’m gonna attend church this weekend. - I need to work more and sleep less!!! - I haven’t talked to my sister in MONTHS :( I miss her. - I always feel guilty when I say no to hanging out or going out with friends, but you know, sometimes I need to be alone and have some time to myself. Although I do love being social, I don’t want to waste my time hanging out with people I barely know. - I’ve been having series of vivid flashbacks like Lake San Antonio, Hume Lake, family dinners at Mexican restaurants, sitting in 7th grade history class with Mr. Arvizu. And although these memories are happy ones, whenever I think about them too long and don’t let them pass, they really begin to affect my mood. - Lonely and it’s summer :) - I’ve been thinking about my capstone and I don’t know what I want to do yet :((( I have 2 months and 20 days to decide. AH! - I spoke to my mom the other night on the phone and she asked if I was okay and I said yeah, but I really wasn't and I wanted to pour out everything I had bottled up inside if me, but I didn't (oh here comes those vivid flashbacks this one was when I used to watch Sagwa, you know, that cartoon cat on PBS well when I used to live in Calabasas, I would watch it all the time at my friends house anyway) and as the result of that, I cried for a good 10 minutes then woke up the next morning with puffy eyes and then I had to go to a work meeting where I felt so embarrassed because my eyes were the size of ping pong balls (metaphorically, okay). But yeah I wanted to tell my mom exactly how I was feeling in the moment, but my roommate was home at the time and I really didn't want her to know my entire business. Half the time I really don’t care who knows my business, but when it comes to my mental well being and my inner thoughts, I sometimes like to keep those hidden and confidential. And I know my mom was aching to know what was stirring inside of me, but I just couldn’t tell her. Not there. But ah, maybe I’ll tell her soon. - But overall, this was not what I expected my college experience to be. Now that I’m officially a senior, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting and looking back, I intended college to be the place where you find your people who like the same things as you do where you find your life long friends where you find the love of your life where you find your passions and I really haven’t found all of those things during my time here. And I can partially take the blame for this one because in my underclassmen years I definitely was not the most gregarious and outgoing person. Yeah, I attended functions with my sorority every now and then and I attended frat parties when I was invited or when I could go, but I wasn’t consistently putting myself out there like I should have. Making those friendships, building those connections. It all had to happen from the start so something beautiful could flourish, but I didn’t initiate. I had multiple people in my life at the time who I knew and were close to me and I wanted to get to know better, but did I ever reach out? No. And I never reached out because I was so focused on my grades and making sure my designs look perfect for class... what I’m really trying to say here is that I suck at maintaining friendships with people that mean the most to me. And I think the reason why it’s so difficult for me to keep friendships alive is because of other people in their life who come before me like a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a best friend. Yeah, I find myself almost always coming in second place and half the time when I want to hang out with someone and get to know them, all they want to do is watch vine compilations and shows on Netflix, which is fine, but I want those friendships where we can just hangout and talk about life over coffee or on my living room couch in our pajamas. Where we can discuss our fears and cry together where we can build each other up and discuss our passions and where we need to improve. And what I really want... wow this has gone on a tangent sorry but yeah what I really want are Christian friends. I see my sister with all of her close girl and guy Christian friends and I say to myself I want that. I want what they have. Because it’s kinda hard to explain it, but I want to surround myself with people who have the same values and morals as I do. I want to be friends with people who are interested in my life like I’m interested in theirs. UGGGHahhh this whole friend situation is so difficult for me right now because whenever I have something on my mind or I see something cool, I never really have a group of people to turn to. Yeah, I have my family, but they’re scattered around coast to coast... I need someone, people, really anyone, here and now who is ready to listen. Wow this paragraph made no sense I’m sorry. - Okay so yeah the whole finding the love of your life during college is a myth. And so is college boys are cuter. Because here I am, still single :) And I’m slowly becoming okay with it. These past 3 years, I’ve cried and tweeted and moaned and tweeted and cried and groaned about not being in a relationship or about never having my first kiss... and now that I’m 21, and I think I finally have my head screwed on right, I’m starting to find that I’m at peace with being alone. I can be happy in my singleness. I can find ways to make myself happy until the right guy comes along... And going off of that, I’ve kinda changed the way I perceive/look at guys. Instead of listing off trivial characteristics and attributes, I find myself thinking about what I want to feel like and look like when I’m with them. Yes, I still want a guy that’s still taller than me and wears stylish outfits, but who do I want to be when I’m with him? How do I want our relationship to flow? How do I want to feel when I’m with them? - Welp, this post made no sense whatsoever. Just a wall of my incoherent thoughts. Glad you stuck around to read it all. If you didn’t that’s okay, maybe next time. Because I can 100% tell you there WILL be a next time. And that next time might just be tomorrow. (It probably will be.)

Okay, TTFN, ta ta for now! (I love Tigger!) All the love as always, Paigey :)

[roseandbeast]

“Our goal is to create a beloved community, and this will require a qualitative change in our souls as well as a quantitative change in our lives.”

It has been a long time since I have written anything, so bear with me please. Just some musings I’ve had over the past two weeks. There are slight spoilers for the movie “Hidden Figures” in this post, but not really plot spoilers - simply a description of interactions between two characters. However, if you would rather have no spoilers at all, I’d recommend not reading this.

---

Last night, I watched Minority Report for the first time. I believe many people know the premise even if they haven’t seen the film - a man (Tom Cruise) who is in charge of a unit that stops murder from happening and imprisons the “future criminals” is accused of future murder and works to clear his name. One friend commented that he had never heard of Minority Report and thought that it was funny that a film with “minority” in the title would star Tom Cruise and Colin Farrell. Another friend responded that he felt like it was a smart decision. He explained that by having a white male character accused of something he hasn’t done and treated like a criminal and seeing how he reacts with paranoia and breaking the law, audience members who wouldn’t usually think about these issues can put themselves in the perspective of people in minority groups who are treated with suspicion and hostility by law enforcement and the public. You see, now anyone can identify with how one must feel and react when they are treated like a criminal! I told this friend (genuinely) that I thought this was a really cool way to interpret the movie, but also expressed that I don’t think the average moviegoer is making the leap from “it’s unfair that Tom Cruise was accused and that system is unethical and we should avoid a future like this” to “we treat minorities poorly.” Everyday, people worry about privacy and the government, and even about being wrongly accused (see: people who argue that rape culture isn’t a thing, “false accusations happen so innocent until proven guilty!”). But while people can empathize with someone who looks like them, we aren’t all extending that empathy to other groups. Society justifies the killings of POC by saying “well they shouldn’t have broken the law. They shouldn’t have run from the police.” 

This brings me to Hidden Figures. In the movie, Octavia Spencer’s character Dorothy Vaughan is continuously denied the position of manager due to her race. A white woman at NASA, played by Kirsten Dunst, condescends to her regularly. In one notable scene, Kirsten Dunst says (paraphrased), “you know, despite what you might think, I have nothing against y’all.” Dorothy says “I know,” pauses for effect, and states “I know you truly believe that.” I loved this scene. It elicited some “oooohs” from the audience. Later in the movie, Dorothy is finally handed a promotion letter by Kirsten Dunst. Dorothy doesn’t get emotional or effusively thank Kirsten Dunst. I admit, my immediate thought was “wow, Dorothy should be thanking her for coming around. She should be happy that this character showed that she has ‘nothing against you people’ instead of just saying it.” Shortly after that thought, I realized -- No. Dorothy doesn’t owe anyone anything. She doesn’t need to dramatically thank anyone for being given the recognition and position she deserves and works hard for. She doesn’t have the responsibility to comfort any white person and reassure them that they aren’t racist. You may argue that that’s the “polite” thing to do, but why? Why should Dorothy have to reassure anyone?

This brings me back to empathy. It is easy for me to have an immediate reaction of identifying with Kirsten Dunst (even if I don’t like her character) by feeling uncomfortable at my own inaction being pointed out, feeling uncomfortable that my eventual action doesn’t seem appreciated. But I should be acting anyways. That immediate reaction I had is wrong. It may take that extra step to empathize with Dorothy’s character for many people, but we should be willing to put in the work. The main character in Minority Report shouldn’t have to be white in order for people to identify with the fear of being wrongly accused. A person shouldn’t have to be white for us to think their worries and anxieties are valid. 

So here’s an empathy exercise: today, my pastor said “we were not put on this earth to accumulate wealth.” I hear regularly from people that they deserve to keep their hard-earned money and shouldn’t have to pay more taxes to fund other people’s lives. But why do we feel that way? I believe we feel that way because of the anxiety of not being able to support ourselves and our families. I’m not commenting on whether or not that fear is valid, or writing an essay on capitalism versus communism (a valid conversation, but not one for today). I am asking you to consider the anxiety you feel when you worry about what job you’ll get after college, or if you’ll ever get a promotion, or if you’ll be able to afford a house. And then imagine the anxiety someone must feel about possibly not having anywhere to live at all. Not being to afford diabetes or asthma medication for their child. Never having the chance to have that job that eventually comes with a promotion and enough money to no longer feel anxious. Sit with that anxiety. And then think about why you deserve to keep your money, and what you’ll do with it when you keep it. 

Maybe that doesn’t change any minds. At the least, I hope this rambling post helps people to consider their immediate reactions to the ways that people with less privilege respond, when it isn’t what you think is “the right way” or “how I would act.” As my friend Ginny said** (sorry, I know you hate that this went viral), someone not acting polite or nice or the right way doesn’t negate the fact they deserve equal treatment and equal rights. Do the right thing anyways.

**this post is full of paraphrases. Ginny said something much more eloquent than what I typed. I am too lazy to track it down. I apologize. 

[raechelrae]

1-104

jesus ok if u insist

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

well that would be the group chat i have w/ @bolkonskys-crazy and @beebop85 so i would be v confused and i’m sure they would be too

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

never been kissed :(

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

depends. weed in moderation is fine, but i’d be worried if he did hard drugs or smoked cigarettes or stuff like that

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

yup, 7 to be exact

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

see question #2

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

ALL THE TIME i’m really not good at all with flirting

7. What does your last received text say?

“True”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

see question #2

9. Where was your last kiss at?

see question #2

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

don’t have one, but i do have a brother

11. What do you drink in the morning?

coffee in any form

12. Where did you sleep last night?

my bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

extremely!!! people are so difficult!!!

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

i would probably try to get myself to finish all my college applications sooner bc i put it all to the last minute and it was a hot ass mess

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

see question #2

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

sunny, my hair gets real frizzy when it rains

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

my friend Kirsten from school

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

pajama pants

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

i think dating might get a bit easier once i’m in college so i’d like to think so

20. Does anyone like you?

not that i know of??? but i hope so

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

see question #2

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

see question #2

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

two people come to mind, the guy that sits in front of me in statistics and this sophomore i see at school sometimes. THEY NEVER STOP TALKING and it drives me up a fucking wall 

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

yeah definitely!!! i want it to be something theatre-related(since i plan on becoming an actor) but i haven’t decided exactly what yet

25. In the past week have you cried?

oh so often, the most recent was yesterday during my therapist appointment

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

my rottweiler Ruby!!! i lover her!!!

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

the towel rack is like, on the opposite side of the room so i have to get out of the shower to dry off

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

see question #2

29. Do you think you’re old?

i’m only 17 so no

30. Do you like text messaging?

yes i love it i would die without it

31. What type of day are you having?

a pretty mellow day, school was canceled bc of snow so i’ve just been drinking cocoa and watchin netflix all day

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

nah, facial piercings aren’t really my thing

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

cold

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

ugh so many i can’t name one. boys suck but they can be pretty cool too

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship, i’m a very all-or-nothing person

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

very very very complicated

37. What song are you listening to?

“Tears Dry On Their Own” by Amy Winehouse

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

definitely. i’m v stubborn so i don’t say sorry if i don’t think i’m actually to blame39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

ha my therapist??? i’m pretty reserved so i don’t share a whole lot of my personal life to m friends40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

jesus idk he’s just… cool??? idk 

41. When did you last receive a text message?

8:47pm42. What is wrong with you right now?

so many things man SHIT I FORGOT TO TAKE MY ADHD MEDS welp there’s one thing that’s wrong with me rn43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

pretty well, I’ve known her for a few years bc of school and we’ve gotten closer reccently bc of shared interests44. Does anyone disgust you? 

no one in my personal life, but Trump is a pretty disgusting human being45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

hell yeah as long as i’m interested in them

46. Are you in a good mood right now?

yeah i feel pretty calm and chill rn47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my dad48. What color shirt are you wearing?

black49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

not that i can think of50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

not at the moment

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

nah i don’t hate him but i just wish we could’ve communicated better

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

yup unrequited love is a bitch, my friends53. Do you like rain?

no fuck rain54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

nah it’s cool as long as it’s in moderation55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

yup i’ve literally never expressed my feelings for someone i had a crush on it’s always been the other way around

56. Do you like to cuddle?

not really, i kind of have personal space issues57. Are you shy?

at first, but i’m quite social once u get to know me58. Do you get along with girls?

yeah fam!!! girls are great!!!59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

nope60. What do you carry with you at all times?

my wallet and my cell phone

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

hell yeah!!! i like money!!!62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

yeah definitely

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

nope64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

if we were in a relationship??? but since we’re not i would say no65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

my cat slept next to me on my bed last night that was pretty cute 

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

see question #2

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?

i always do my nails myself    68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

leopard69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

nope70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?

country music makes me want to kms myself so Lil Wayne

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

IPHONE72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? 

???it’s been years   73. Do you like diet soda?    

yes!!! i prefer to it regular actually74. What color are the walls in your room?   

like a pale, yellow-green 75. Are you 16 or older?

yup, i’m 17

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

no77. Do you have a job?   

not currently, but i’m working on getting one at my uncle’s restaurant    78. What are your initials?    

roj79. Did you ever have braces?

yup for like, over 2 years    80. Are you from the south?

nope, i’m from connecticut

81. What does your last status on facebook say?

“If you were writing an autobiography, what would you title the chapter where our lives intersected?”    82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? 

see question #2   83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

i’m pretty equally close to both of them84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

nope85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?

Rogue One

86. Do you smoke?    

nope87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

heels88. Is your phone touch screen?    

yup89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

it’s naturally curly90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?

nope

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

lake92. Have you ever made out in a car?  

see question #2  93. …Had sex in a car?    

see question #294. Are you single or in a relationship?  

single  95. What were you doing last night at midnight?

sleeping lol

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

at the big summer festival my town does every year

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

yeah it’s pretty good98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

see question #299. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

nope i don’t drink100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?

pretty much everyone i went to middle school with lol

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

no102. Name your favorite Kesha song:   

“Take It Off” 103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

no it’s winter104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

NO I WOULD NEVER

ur fucking welcome anon that took me 30 whole minutes

Ask me things!

[caroline18mars]

Into the night - Chapter 85

“No, no, no, Jordan, no!” Tom couldn't control his anger any longer “are you deaf? I'm NOT giving you Cedric's number, you cannot expect me to sit around while you race towards your own destruction, forget it!”. Jordan crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her chin out to him “Fine, whatever Tom, if you won't help me, I'll find another way then”, doing absolutely nothing to calm Tom down, quite the opposite because he stomped over to her, his eyes shooting daggers at her “You really do have a deathwish, don't you? You're the most egotistical little brat I've ever seen, everything has to revolve around you, doesn't it? You don't give a shit about what anyone else thinks or feels, they can all go to hell, including Noah! You know what, it should have been you lying dead in that bathtub, nobody would have cared, at least that way Charlotte would still be alive and happy with Jared” he yelled. Every single word was a blow to her head with an iron fist and left her gasping for air as she stepped back and clutched her heart, “Jordan..I'm sorry, I..” Tom came back to his senses realizing what kind of horror he had just puked at her but she shook her head and calmly walked to the door, holding it open for him “Leave..” she whispered in a tear-stricken, hoarse voice. His heart sank but he did as he was told, stopping for a second before he walked out, he looked at her to ask for forgiveness but she didn't even look at him, her hand was trembling on the doorknob and she was breathing heavily. Tom swallowed hard but walked out, he had gone too far, way too far and he shivered as the door slammed shut behind him, his heart breaking into a million pieces when he heard her muffled sobs behind the door. Jordan stumbled away from the door, letting herself fall on the couch, crying her heart out, not wanting to help her with her plan was one thing, but wishing she was dead and telling her nobody cared hit home real hard and despite not wanting to feel sorry for herself, she knew he was right, James hadn't cared, Kirsten most definitely hadn't, Jenny didn't care, her parents, Jared hadn't..maybe for a while he had but all he wanted was Charlotte, even if that meant refusing to  fight Amanda, his last link to his past, Tom had made that ever so clear, why else would he have left so sudden, now that she needed him most?

”Ah, there you are! I thought you would be sleeping off that hangover after last night's triumph” Tom felt a shiver run down his spine when he heard Cedric's voice creep up behind him as he walked into the studio. He slowly put his bag down and sat down without even looking at him, their relationship had been strained to say the least after Charlotte's death. All through the investigation he had laid ever so low, Carl had dissed up a story to the police and had insisted under no uncertain threat they all stuck to the same story, so when the autopsy revealed that Charlotte had commited suicide and put them all in the clear, they had all crawled out of the woodworks again, the label's website had carried a big black banner with Charlotte's picture on it for weeks and then it was back to business. It had taken many trips to a very expensive shrink to even function again so the first day back at work had been awkward to say the least, the secret every single one of them carried with them hanging heavy over the team. “Tom? I'm talking to you” Cedric said again, “I know, I heard you the first time, Cedric..for your information, I can hold my drink..Look, I really don't have time for chit-chat, I have a conference call in a couple of minutes and I got a lot to prepare before we go back to Paris” Tom briefly looked over his shoulder while he continued to empty his bag. “I see.. well, I'll cut right to the chase then, who was that girl you came to the party with last night? I thought gay men had more manners than to abandon such a ravishing beauty in the middle of the night,” Cedric hissed with a sarcastic grin. Tom felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up when he continued “Jordan, right? That's her name, right? Jordan,  the bookstore assistant”. Tom slowly turned around, his eyes shooting daggers at him but he tried to play it cool “What do you want, Cedric? She's just a girl..a friend..”, Cedric shook his head “tsssk tsssk, Tom, for a man with such an eye for beauty, you shock me sometimes! She's not just a girl..how can you sit there and not dream about her on the next cover of Vogue? She should be your muse, your fetish-model, the one girl you base all your collections on”. Tom quickly shook his head “I really don't think Jordan is even remotely interested ..” but Cedric just cut him off “why don't you let me be the judge of that? I know talent when I see it, so if you give me her number, I'll let you carry on with your conference call”. This was a fucking disaster, what the hell was going on here? “Cedric, please! Just leave her be, alright? Jordan is..well, she's got other things to worry about right now than pursuing some modeling career” he had enough and grabbed his phone as he got up. “Woahhh, wait a minute, what other things?” Cedric stepped in front of him, blocking his way and raising a quizzical eyebrow at him, Tom took a deep breath, maybe if he told the truth then he wouldn't be so interested anymore “She's dying, Cedric, she won't even be around long enough to start a modeling career, now please excuse me, I'm late already”. Cedric stared at him with a mix of shock and intrigue on his face as Tom pushed past him, this was getting more and more interesting, now he really needed to go and find her.

”It's so nice to have my two boys with me again” Constance stepped out onto the terrace of her house and sat down next to her youngest, handing him a warm cup of tea, “You know..it doesn't matter how grown up a kid might be, a mother will always worry about her children and I've been so worried about you, Jared, I still am..”. Jared folded his hands around the cup, the heat barely able to chase away the chill in his bones “I'm fine, Mom, I really am, you don't need to worry about me” he breathed, staring out over the millions of lights of LA. “Of course I worry, Jared, how could I not worry? It breaks my heart knowing what you went through this last year, I see and feel your suffering and yet you barely talk about it and that worries me because you were always the most open of my two children..this girl, Jordan, you're really serious about her, aren't you?” Constance slowly sipped her tea.   “I am yeah..I'm crazy about her” he murmured, getting lost in his thoughts again as Jordan's image popped up in his head “but it's complicated..Mom..I mean..she's changed somehow..I don't know..” why was it so difficult to explain the turmoil in his head and his heart everytime he thought or talked about her? “She changed? In what way?” Constance slowly pulled her cardigan a little tighter around her trying to fight off the nippy evening air. “Ever since she got diagnosed with that heart disease, it feels like she's given up, like she's accepted her fate and given up hope...that light in her eyes, her fighting spirit I love so much, it's not there anymore, it's just..gone” it was the  contrast in the shrugging of his shoulders and the tenderness and worry in his voice at the same time that broke her heart, “Well sweetheart..After what Shannon told me about the heartattack and the heart transplant I don't think there's anyone that could blame her for losing hope..a heart attack and a transplant, especially at such a young age..phew..” Constance whistled softly between her teeth “look how depressed you were when..Charlotte died, you thought you were all alone but you weren't, you always had your family who was there for you, even if you couldn't see it at the time but Jordan doesn't have that safety net, her entire family is wiped out, all bar one, her nephew who she needs to take care of and worries about his future on top of everything else..I honestly don't know if I would even have to strength to carry on like she has been doing, if I was in her shoes”. Jared straightened his back and turned his head to look at his mother “I want to be there for her, Mom, and help her with all that, but I feel like she's pushing me away”. Constance took a deep breath, it wasn't easy what she was about to tell her son, but in her family nobody ever shied away from the truth and right now it seemed like he needed someone to open his eyes “I know you do son, but look at it from this side, if the shoe was on the other foot, how would you like it if she was the one who left you at your most vulnerable and flew off for some ridiculous custody courtcase between her and some ex-friend with benefits? She's just trying to protect herself and the little boy, Jared, that's all..so my advice to you is, try and get this custody farce with Amanda over and done with as soon as possible, and then fly back to her and straighten things out between the two of you because from where I'm standing, you don't need to prove to anyone whether you're a father or not, because you already are, you may not be related by bloodline, but you're a father to that beautiful little boy in England, you've already got your own, little family right there waiting for you”.

”Of course he can stay another night, you know he's never a bother to us, but are you sure you're ok? I can come over and let Omar look after the kids, I don't want to leave you there all by yourself!” Nahla's worried voice rolled in her ear, “I'm fine, Nahla, really I am, it was really late last night so all I need is one more good night's rest and I'll be fit as a fiddle again” Jordan hated lying but she just couldn't cope with Noah right now, seeing her in this state would only have him worried again. “Ok..but I just don't like the idea of you being on your own..is Tom staying with you? Do you want me to call Jared, I can call him and..” Nahla's worried rattling started to annoy her. “NO!” she heard herself bark so she quickly continued in a much more subdued manner “No, don't call Jared, alright? You know what he's like..besides he's got more than enough to worry about already, I'm just going to put my feet up and veg out in front of the telly”. Nahla still didn't sound too convinced but she finally gave up “Alright then..yeah you do that, but the minute you feel something, you call me straight away, ok? You promise?”, Jordan nodded “I promise! Thanks again for looking after Noah for me, I owe you big time!” in the background, one of her children was in desperate need of his mother. “Ok, sweetie, I have to go now but we'll go for coffee tomorrow afternoon before we pick the kids up from school alright? Talk to you later, hon” Nahla quickly said her goodbyes, “I look forward to it, bye Nahla” Jordan said before she disconnected the call and silence returned to the room again, all she needed to do was find the energy to go and get something to eat and some groceries for when Noah came back home tomorrow so she quickly put on her coat, grabbed her handbag, if she was quick she could beat the rush hour madness at the supermarket and get back here as soon as possible to nurture the scars on her soul that Tom had left there.

Jordan put her purse back in her bag and groaned a little as she lifted the heavy bags full of groceries from the counter, she should have ordered a cab before she left, this was going to take forever to get home. Walking out out of the supermarket, she felt someone grab her bags out of her hands from behind, what the..shocked she turned around, “these look really heavy, why don't you let me carry them?” Cedric flashed her a dirty smirk. “Cedric..what are you doing here?” her heart hammered in her chest, how did he find her? This was a big city and she just didn't believe in coincidence anymore, “when a woman fascinates me as much as you do, I tend to get a little crazy in doing my research”. This man just gave her the creeps but she had made her bed and now she had to lie in it “oh really? A little crazy borderlining stalker-ish, you mean..so uhm..besides finding me, what else did your little researcher aka Tom bring to the surface?” she cocked her head arrogantly but inside she was praying with all of her might that Tom hadn't told her about her link to Jared. “I'll tell you all about that over a cup of coffee” he smirked again as he turned on his heels and walked away with her bags so she didn't have any other choice than to follow him. Everything about this felt absolutely wrong, standing outside talking to him was one thing but sitting right opposite of him having to look him in the eye was another. “Phew, those bags are heavy, too heavy for a frail girl like you..a girl with a heartproblem..” he frowned at her after he put the bags strategically on the seat next to him “Tom told me all about it”, Jordan was taken aback by his reaction “Tom should learn to keep his big mouth shut” she hissed at him as she leaned back and looked out of the window a little defeated, holding the hot cup of coffee between her hands, how could she even think she had a strategy against this conniving lowlife? “You can tell him he just got himself banned from attending my funeral, alright?” sarcasm dripping from every word, but she didn't care, right now she was starting to believe that Jared had been right all along about Tom. “I'm sure Tom had your best interest at heart when he told me, he's been through a lot..and so have I..you see, my girlfriend, Tom's best friend, she..well she commited suicide not so long ago” he breathed like the pain was still very real but all she could think was 'faker'. She couldn't help but wonder how many times she had just sat there listening to Jared rant about Charlotte, and now here with Cedric she was still listening, that woman had left some legacy, she was starting to understand why Tom had said what he had said about wishing it was her in that bathtub instead of Charlotte. “Tom mentioned something about that..” she faked a sincere smile, he really had no clue who she was, did he?  At least Tom did one thing right “but I didn't know Charlotte was your girlfriend, if you want you can tell me more about her, I'm a good listener”.