#sorry this sounds depressing I didn’t mean to make it sound like that 😭

[isneezelikeamouse]

Memory loss can be scary cos sometimes it feels like you’ve forgotten so much that there’s no person left inside of you to be, but you kinda just have to remind yourself to focus on what you have now and what could be instead

[yoditopascal]

Like A Prayer (Part 2)

summary: best friends with wade you’re always being dragged into something even when he’s not trying to, what are you to do when you find the fate of your timeline in the hands of yourself, your chaotic merc and an angry wolverine who’s hellbent on drinking himself to death?

content warning: romance, some angst, a little fluff, character deaths, canon-typical violence, smut, lots of cussing, mutual pining, found family, drug and alcohol use, reader insert but with no use of y/n cuz I hate that shit, deadpool being deadpool, mentions of poor mental health (depression anxiety and ptsd mostly), scent marking, the honda odyssey scene needs a warning all on its own MINORS DNI

a/n: I wanted to get up to the part where you finally meet Logan but it was too long 😭 and I ended up deciding to split the chapter up. In the mean time I hope this enough to tide you over. <3

tag list: sorry if you weren’t tagged I tried tagging everyone that asked but some usernames didn’t work! @allmyn1ghts, @blooket-scares-me, @amararosesblog, @talanyra, @spideybv28

Previous Chapter//Next Chapter

Wolverining is Hard

When you come to, your arms are tightly secured behind your back. Sitting up you try to take in your surroundings as you wiggle around trying to free yourself. The room you’re in is dark with a metal table and a singular chair in the middle and smelled strongly of disinfectant.

Just as you felt like you were making progress with your restraints, really you had just dislocated your hand, a door opens up on your right flooding your vision with a blinding light.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Came an accented voice, it sounded British. Just as your eyes had started to adjust to the light you were harshly hoisted up to your feet and dragged away into another room before being dumped unceremoniously at the feet of a pair of red and black boots

“Pookie you’re alive!” said Wade dressed in a new and improved Deadpool suit. Where did he get that? You thought to yourself. “I thought these TVA fucks ate you or something!

Helping you to your feet Wade pats you on top of the head before gesturing between your restrained hands and a guy holding what looked like a giant remote in his hands.

Rolling his eyes the guy snaps his fingers and you’re manhandled again as your restraints are roughly yanked off.

Taking in your surroundings you notice you’re in what looks to be an office with office workers and a floating platform above it. On the platform, where you all were standing, are a bunch of monitors all showing different scenes of you and your friends.

“Where are we Wade? What is this place?” You asked confused as you rubbed at your sore wrists, getting closer to him.

“You, baby girl, have just been upgraded to first disciple! Congratulations!” He said jokingly, just as he was about to say something else he was interrupted by an accented voice, the same one you had heard before.

“As you can see Mr. Wilson your friend is alive and well mostly well.” Said the man from behind Wade with the British accent, he eerily reminded you of Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Frowning, the man watched you with a disgusted expression as you flicked your hand popping your wrist back into place as you sucked in a breath in pain. You had definitely dislocated it earlier.

“Now as much as I hate to cut the reunion short it’s time for her to go back home.” He said snapping his fingers again, suddenly you're surrounded by men in body armor again, one reaches out quickly to grab you but you stumble back into Wade who pushes you behind him.

“Wait wait wait….you’re just gonna send her home? To die?” He turns to ask the man behind him. He could feel you pressed against his back, like you were trying to get under his skin. You were scared and he couldn’t blame you, you still had no idea what was going on.

“Die? What are you talking about?” You asked looking back and forth between the man and Wade until a gloved finger fell on your lips silencing you.

“Shush child Marvel Jesus is talking.”

“What the fuck?” You whispered, pushing his hand away.

“You can’t send her back Paradox.”

“Oh I can and I will.” The man, Paradox, had said as one of his armed men came up to him handing him one of those electric baton stick things you had seen earlier. You immediately tensed up, as he started to approach you with it, not knowing what it would do to you on contact.

“No wait wait wait please just hang on a fucking second!” Wade shouted, it was one of rare times he got serious and it made your hair stand on end

“What now Mr. Wilson?” Mr. Paradox asked, groaning dramatically, as if all of this was just a giant waste of his time

“W-what can I do to fix it? The timeline?”

Timeline? What the fuck was happening? You thought confused as you looked back at Wade again as he stared down Mr. Paradox

“Nothing unless you can bring Wolverine back to life in the next,” he says nonchalantly as if it were the most obvious thing in the world as he checks his watch “96 hours. But that’s impossible to-“

That little bit of information was enough to get the cogs in Wade’s brain turning as he hatched a play.

“Say less, I’m on it like a car bonnet!” Wade said cheerfully, you had no idea what the fuck that many but whatever it was Wade had set his mind too it and once his mind was set nothing was going to get in his way.

“Mr. Wilson-“ Mr. Paradox had started to say but before he could get another word out, Wade lunges forward and headbutts him full force, breaking his nose on contact, knocking him out as he snatched up the strange remote device Paradox had had in his hands.

Before you could even blink, Wade grabs you, scooping you up into his side, right under his armpit, as he opens up another one of those orange portal doors and jumps right through it with you.

The other side of the portal opens up midair and you crash land in the middle of a frozen forest. The ground and trees around you, covered in a powdery dusting of snow as a harsh wind blows over you causing you to shiver slightly, as you go to sit up you find yourself unable to move as a sharp pain shoots up your right arm.

It took a few moments to realize Wade had landed with you, more like on top of you it seemed, until you heard him groan from your back.

“I gotta get better at opening those things.” He groans, getting up.

“Sorry sugar lumps, we didn't really stick the landing there.” He said stretching his sore limbs as he gestured to your arm. It was bent at an awkward angle behind you, most definitely broken. Standing to your feet you grab at the injured appendage, popping it back into place with a loud snap and a yelp before it has a chance to heal wrong

“Ok Wade I’ve had enough of this Leon and Helena bullshit-“ you panted out still reeling from the pain of your arm.

“Ha! Resident Evil 6 humor!”

“Enough! Please just tell me what’s going on?!” You finally snap as you pull your cardigan around yourself in an attempt to block out the cold. Wade looks you over as if contemplating what to say next before he groans, running a gloved hand over his mask.

“Ah shit where do I even start?” He says as he sits down on a pile of rocks that had a makeshift stick x on top that looks suspiciously like a grave, you chose not to comment on it, as he begins to explain what had transpired over the last hour.

Apparently he was Marvel Jesus, you still didn’t get that part, and your timeline was dying. How? You weren’t entirely sure but Wade kept mumbling under his breath about some “Aussie fuck stealing his thunder from down under”, and that Mr. Paradox guy, who’s in charge of those TVA bastards that kidnapped you and Wade, was in charge of overseeing it but instead of letting it die out naturally over the next hundred years or so was going to speed up the process and now Wade only had 96 hours to fix it before everyone you knew and loved died.

“Which is why we’re here!” He said cheerfully pulling two shovels out of nowhere. Looking behind him to see where the shovels had intact come from you missed as he took a sip from his newly acquired ‘I Like Me’ mug through his mask before tossing it. “Grab your shovel jelly bean, we're hunting a Wolverine!” He said tossing the second shovel at your feet as he pulls the makeshift x grave marker from the pile of stones and starts to dig.

As soon as he said that you felt your stomach drop to your ass. That was a grave behind him, and it wasn’t just anyone’s… it was the Wolverine’s. You were digging up Wolverine to save your timeline?

“Holy shit.”

To say you idolized the guy was an understatement. When you were a kid you had all kinds of Wolverine comics and stickers, hell you still had a pair of Wolverine underwear to this day. Digging up his grave after all this time, after all that he went through in life just felt…wrong.

“You can cream your spinach later, right now we need to see if widdle Wolvie is really taking a dirt nap or not.” Chunks of dirt flew through the air as Wade kept digging, completely absorbed in his task.

“Wade this is-“ Not right you wanted to say. You start feeling your anxiety bubble up in your chest. “I can’t-!”

The sound of his shovel hitting something metal, adamantium, stopped you in your place. Tapping his shovel twice more to make sure he had actually hit something and that it wasn’t just his imagination, Wade looked over to you before turning back to what he had found, wiping away the dirt, he stared down at the now exposed decaying metallic skull of the Wolverine.

Your breath caught in your throat as you watched Wade stare at the corpse for a moment, lost in thought, before he raised his shovel over his head and bought it down on Wolverine’s skull over and over again, not stopping until he got even frustrated and snapped the wooden handle over his knee, no doubt breaking it in the process.

“Damn it! Son of a bitch! Fuck! Motherfucker! My world is fucked!”

He screamed, throwing the pieces of the shovel and swinging his arms as he punched at the air. It had been a long time since you had seen him this serious, albeit the last time you were quite literally dying, and it was honestly terrifying.

Your stomach sank even further at his words. Hugging your arms to yourself in an attempt to make yourself smaller you slowly approached Wade just as he was pulling the adamantium skeleton fully from the grave, dragging it over to a downed tree as he propped it up to sit cross legged by him.

“That was weird. I’m much calmer now.” He says with a chuckle, you’re not sure if he’s talking to you or the corpse. “Look, I’m not a man of science, but you seem incredibly passed away. But it’s good to see ya.” he pats the corpse on the knee causing you to wrinkle your nose up in disgust as bile rises in your throat. You’d seen Wade do a lot of strange shit over the years of knowing him, but exhuming a grave of a fallen hero and having a one on one with his dead body was a whole new world for you.

“I gotta be honest, I’ve always wanted to ride with you, Logan. You and me, getting into everything. Just fucking shit up. Can you imagine the fun, the chaos, the residuals?”

You didn’t even want to know what he meant by that as you crept up next to Wade, kneeling down by his side.

“G’day, mate? There’s nothing that’ll bring me back to life faster than a big bag of metal cash.” Wade placed a finger under the corpse’s chin making its mandible move up and down as if he was talking to him, you put your arm on his to get him to stop but he just kept going as he moved to hold his masked head in his hands.

“No, no, no, no, uuuugh!” He groans dramatically as he throws his head back, thumping it on the tree trunk behind him. “He had to get all noble and die for real. God damn it! We coulda really used your help right about now Hugh.”

“Wade,” you said softly as you reached out to rest a hand on his shoulder, “we’ll figure something out, there’s got to be another way right?”

Wade’s masked face turns to look at you, deep in thought, before the sound of multiple approaching footsteps pulls him out of his head. Pulling you until you were tucked between him and the tree truck, he peeks over the tree before ducking back down just as fast, cursing under his breath.

“Wade Winston Wilson! You’re under arrest by the Time Variance Authority for too many crimes to count, come out!” Came a booming voice over the chill of the air. You and Wade look at each other for a moment as if deciding what to do.

“This is your last chance! Throw out your weapons and come out peacefully!” The voice said again as he and a bunch of other TVA agents began to surround you.

You look Wade in his eyes again and nod, knowing he’s going to have to fight to get you both out of there. Looking around himself for anything you could use to defend yourself, his eyes land on the adamantium skeleton sitting nearby and he gets a horribly morbid idea.

“I’m not gonna give you my weapons! But I promise not to use them.” He shouts back as he turns back towards you, placing a hand on your head. “Ok Nugget you know the drill.” He says so that only you can hear.

“You go right, I go left.” You nod your head towards the tree line in the background on your left.

“Good girl.” He pats you on the head one last time, tucking baby knife into your hand. “Maximum effort.” He grunted as you both stood, jumping into action. You break to the left as fast as your feet can carry you just as Wade jumps over the tree trunk pulling Wolverine's body with him.

Hearing rapid footfalls following close behind you try to pick up the pace, your lungs burning as you run, just as you reach the woods a gloved hand reaches out tangling itself in your locs before yanking you backwards. You hit the snow covered ground with an audible thud. Your head ringing and vision blurred from the impact. Just as your eyes were starting to clear, that rapid thumping noise from before came back with a vengeance.

Shaking your head to clear it you try and get back up to your feet until a black boot, steps down on your shoulder harshly. Above you stood a TVA agent, his stick pointed right at you as he glared down at you. Just as he began to lower it, you pulled baby knife from your boot, stabbing it as hard as you could through his foot.

He screams in pain as he stumbles backwards falling on his ass as he goes to pull out the knife. Scrambling back up you yank the knife from his foot before embedding it in his exposed neck. Pulling the knife back out again the fall back on your ass in shock at what you just did. You killed someone and hadn’t even hesitated. Sure you had see your fair share of people dying, thanks mostly to Wade, but never had you actually been the one doing the killing.

Before you have a chance to wallow anymore to yourself, you hear a body thud next to you and jump.

“My bad!” Wade calls as he smacks a TVA agent across the face with something that looked suspiciously like a metal femur, shattering his helmet and mostly his face on impact. “Wolverining is hard!”

“Wolverine was a hero and the only thing worth a shit to ever come out of Canada!” Shouted a voice from in front of you two, it was the same guy from before, the one who you tackled through the portal earlier, and he looked pissed. Before he had a chance to say anything else a katana goes bouncing off the ground and right through the guy’s mouth.

“Get my country’s name out of your fucking mouth.” Wade said as he walked up to the still standing body, pulling his sword out of his mouth. “And my sword, gimme that.”

Cleaning off the blade with his sleeve, Wade looks you over, checking you for injuries, something he couldn’t break himself from doing, no matter how much you told him you could heal, before pulling you to your feet.

“We gotta find us another Logan, an alive one.” He said looking around himself assessing the overall damage.

“How?” You question still trying to quiet the pounding in your head, it was starting to fade out now, only being a low murmur at the point, but it still made it hard to focus.

Pulling something from his belt, Wade holds up the remote looking device he had stolen from Mr. Paradox earlier between wiggling fingers.

“This my dear bestest pal is how.” He said opening it up and hitting a few buttons. Another orange portal opens and you stare at it in contemplation, nervousness grips your stomach as you think about what the two of you would get into on the other side of the portal. Wade goes through first holding out a hand for you from the other side. Swallowing down rising anxiety, you take up his hand following him through.

On the other side of the portal the atmosphere is much warmer, you're both in a club, a nice one at that, surrounded by other people as they mingle and converse by the bar.

“Logan I’m gonna need you to come with us!” Wade spoke over the music. Looking around the room, you wonder which of these people he was talking to, none of them really looked like a Wolverine to you.

“Who’s asking?” came a familiar voice from the bar. Turning to look to see who it was that said that, you were shocked to see a guy, about your height, with a crazy hairy torso, wearing a tight fitted black v-neck.

His face definitely screamed Wolverine to you but there was something about this man that just struck you as off.

“Look at this little Mary Lou Retton. Did you stick the landing little guy? Yes, you did, comic-accurate short king.” Wade cooed to him from your side in a baby voice as he crouched down dramatically.

You frowned up as Wade as he mocked him, definitely planning to ream him out later when you, yourself, was the same height as the man he was making fun of. This Wolverine stares at you, recognition and another emotion in his eyes, that you weren’t sure of as his nostrils flared and they took in yours and Wade’s, no doubt horrific, scents. Just as you were about to tell Wade that this Wolverine would work, another orange portal opens up behind you and he dragging you inside with him.

“Cue the fucking montage, baby.”

[ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused]

Hi!! Can i request a hurt/comfort hotch x reader?

Reader is starting to feel lonely in the relationship cause for the past 2 months hotch has only been home for a week total and she really misses him. They haven’t had time to themselves cause even when hotch is in virginia he’s in the office and him getting called out on a case during his day off happens more often than the both of them want to. and even when they text and call it’s not the same.

anyway hotch comes home in the middle of the night after a case and he just finds reader on the sofa crying cause she just really misses her boyfriend and the two of them finally talk about it.

You have permission to break my heart with the angst and put it back together. I know its long and i have no clue if it made sense so im sorry😭😭 enjoy your day💕

༉‧₊˚. 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭 || 𝐚𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐞𝐫

― pairing: aaron hotchner x plus size!reader

― summary: you knew that being with aaron meant that his job came first, you just hadn't realized how badly it would actually affect you. now, your life and love is on the line.

― warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST!!! you have been warned!, thoughts of breaking up, established relationship, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, hints of depression.

― wc: 905

⋆ a/n: my first long fic back being angst LMAOOOO. i'm not going to lie, writing this kind of bummed me out a bit but that's how i knew it was going to be good LOL. but never fear, i got a few smutty things in the works, so keep a silly little eye out for that!! i love you guys so so much and thank you for your request!

masterlist | AO3

The room felt melancholic. Empty. 

The sounds of laughter that had once bounced off of the walls of your home now rang silently, one of the only people that knew of the joy that once made your house a home was long gone on a case right now.

You don’t know what to do. How could you last like this? How could your relationship? How could Jack?

Jack, the precious little boy that you had taken under your wing even before you and Aaron had ever made it official. You knew he missed his father dearly, but with every large life milestone the boy had completed, Aaron had missed out on. It had gotten to the point where Jack doesn’t bother to ask you if he could call his dad to tell him about it, because nine times out of ten, he knew that Aaron wouldn’t answer.

So now as you sit here on the couch in the dark with your head in your hands, you can’t help but think that maybe this was it, that it was time to consider the very dreaded other option. 

You tried your best to make your relationship with Aaron work, God did you try, but having to sit there and endure weeks of radio silence, of not knowing whether or not he was alive was excruciating. When he did have time to text or call you, every conversation was more and more distant. 

Hot tears rolled down your cheeks, and your bottom lip trembled. You crossed your arms and placed them on your knees where you leaned on them, staring out into the abyss of your dimly lit living room. You had just put Jack to sleep, and you didn’t want to risk waking him up.

Your eyes solemnly scaled the walls where the pictures of your little family hung, frames upon frames of happy smiling faces. 

What happened?

It was the fact you were absolutely drowning in your thoughts that you didn’t hear your front door unlock – something that your boyfriend would deeply frown upon. 

Aaron wasn’t surprised to find the apartment quiet, what he was surprised to find was your silhouette illuminated by a single lamp. What really set off the alarms in his brain was your shivering shoulders, which could only mean one thing.

“Sweetheart?” His deep voice pierced the thin air hovering above you. You just shook your head, any happiness that would have left your mouth died in your throat, the words leaving you was, “We have to talk.”

You hated doing this, but who’s to say he won’t get called in tomorrow? No, you had to do this now.

Aaron felt his heart fall into his stomach as he made his way over towards you, gently sitting down on the cushion next to yours, almost as if he was afraid to scare you.

“Of course. Are you okay?” He inquired in concern. You just shook your head again. “This isn’t working, Aaron.” The pain lacing your voice was unmissable. “What?” He’s completely caught off guard, because this was the last thing he’d expected to come home to.

“I can’t do this anymore… unless – unless we can figure something out but even then I-” He rushes to grab your hand, and it lays limp and cold in his warm and calloused one. “Honey please, what’s wrong? Tell me what I can do.” Holy shit, he’s panicking. 

“You’re never here anymore! I - I can’t remember the last time in the past two months that we’ve been able to have any alone time together! Most of the time you’re either gone in a whole different state or stuck in the office!” You couldn’t stop the word vomit from leaving, all kinds of emotions that had been kept dormant finally coming up to the surface.

You heaved out a deep breath, your body slumping in defeat. “Did you know that Jack learned how to ride a bike today?” You asked quietly. “No.” Aaron gulped, “I didn’t.”

A heavy silence settled between the two of you.

“What do you need me to do?” Finally, you looked at him.

There were unshed tears in your eyes, “What I want you to do, you can’t make it happen.” His eyebrows furrowed. “You want me to quit my job?”

“No,” You said with a disbelieving laugh. “I just want you to be there.”

“Who says I can’t do that?” His head tilts, his eyes boring into yours, desperately trying to read you. It was like his profiler skills didn’t exist. “Every time you’ve had a day off you’ve been called into the office one way or another.” Your tone is hopeless, like your situation can’t be helped. 

With a harsh squeeze of your eyelids, the tears began to fall, but Aaron was quick to swipe them away.

“Honey, look at me,” He cups the side of your cheek, his thumb brushing away the liquid. Hesitantly you did, and you instantly fell victim to the warmness of his irises. “I will fix this, because I am not losing you. My behavior has been completely unacceptable, and I swear that I will be here for you and Jack more consistently, I promise.”

“How do I know if this won’t happen again?

“I’ll make sure of it.” 

It was the finality in his voice that fizzled out the anxiety in your gut, setting your nerves at ease.

“Don’t make me regret this, Hotchner.”

ೃ⁀➷ my lovely taglist!: @alina02 @louderfortheback @minervadashwood @their-love @fandomsarelifee @theendofthe70s @nomajdetective @mgg-theprettiestboy @phoenixblack89 @celtic-crossbow @hallecarey1 @bunnybabe-babydoll @alixwriter @dixonzzgirl @violettavirus

[vivisviolets]

Okkk, let’s spy on your ex (& where you are now) 👁‍🗨💭‼️ (*PAC+ 18+ Extended)

wow,, I mean ok then😭😭 I don’t support it…. But I got to give out the dirt I’ve received 👀… lol ⦿ ✧・*close your eyes love, breatheee, ease them shoulders,- and focus on which image draws your eye for whatever reason- trust and stay open to the magic of it all!! don't rush it!! and don't force it either if none catch your eye! make a request to Spirit/the Universe/God to guide you to whatever messages you need to hear rn~*

. . . Pile 1

⦿ Virgo/earth placements, Virgo season, Moon dominant, Cancer placements/degrees (Moon, 4th house, rising, Venus), Aries degrees, September, summer dusk, 8-9pm, hoodies, scent, connection to pile 3(?), numbers 111, 9999, 911(omg), channeled songs- Don’t Forget Me - Maggie Rogers, Wedding List - Kate Bush ⦿ The first thing I heard was they love you- they loooove you- like exaggerated text and all pile 1s… Oh goodness, I can feel some of you squirming uncomfortably like “Ohh boy…” at hearing that, for some of you it’s because this feeling is unrequited in some way (you did feel love for them but you either distanced yourself, or you fell out of love w/ them- or both), and you really just wish to move on and forget about this (I distinctly got a very clear vision of a summer night, with the first few chords of the song Don’t Forget Me by Maggie Rogers playing- it’s a very vague, wishy-washy memory that I know for my moving-on group still makes you feel things,,)- and for a few of you here,, you do still love this person,- or more so right underneath the surface, you are still “in love” with them… OK I’ll just say, I’m going to do my very best to be sensitive to both groups that resonate with this pile, because there is a lot of raw emotion coming from the two groups- one is freshly moved on, either only just recently in the past few months you’ve split from this person- and or it been 1 year+ and you may have had a “relapse” in grief/introspection over this- and the other group of this collective is still “in love”. I’m hearing the phrase “love-baggage”, so some of you I’m seeing were/are living with this person, and lots of their things are still in your space- and you keep almost unconsciously thinking they're going to come back… for others, you had a lot of plans with this person, a lot of desires/wishes, and or both of those things and you had a lot of expectations and dreams of what could be built in this relationship- and now that it’s ended it's like a Christmas display after the holiday is over, there’s a big empty feeling of “…so- was that it?” I’m so sorry sugar!! (to both groups here 💔) this sounds and feels to me like this connection was a real tisy to you. you didn’t deserve that,- but I can tell from your energy that what happened has really made you grow in a very big and important way, even if it feels like some days it changed you for the worse (I can feel those in the group that struggle with a lot of depression/anxiety stemming from this❤️ I see you, you are heard, and you have my heart to rest in for this reading 🌙)- that won’t be the case forever, please trust me on this that this experience has changed you and your path for the better- for your highest good and joy.- ok final things for the energy check before I move forward- scent was really important to this connection, it either was what your ex found to be really alluring about you/the relationship they had with you, or this is how you felt about them (and or this was a shared attraction!), something about clothing being shared and either you or them being very turned on by that activity (could be s*xual but I more feel a possessive energy), I’m also seeing this person really got off (again😭 *not* meant to be s*xual but omg why are these phrases coming to mind ummm-) on hugging you/holding you close, like having their face carved into the right side of your neck (now I’m hearing that Faye Webster song, Right Side of My Neck- again this whole reading could be either more adult or wholesome you be the judge I wasn’t there 👁-) and just resting in the scent of your warmth. I’m seeing someone who looks very tired and saw this relationship with you as a *relief*- There’s a masc figure (not gendered just energy) who may have worked long hours/nights, or they pilled work onto themselves because they felt they had too,, something about them wanting to be a provider for you but they went about it in a way that they suffered/thus the relationship suffered…

I don’t see you guys as being the type to need/want that, but more the type to want equality in the relationship regarding that, and rely more on having a developed emotional bond- and this ex may have had a hard time trying to know how to “provide” you with that and so out of fear they tried to focus on some other way to give to you (I’m hearing it may have been out of ego) and thus they became destructive out of not addressing this fear they had- I kinda went off!! omg, I’ll shut up and actually get to the part where I tune into where they are and how they are I guess… I keep seeing a figure walking forward, in this gray plane of existence, occasionally sitting in a coffee shop, a place of work, talking to some people for a moment before things fade again and they’re back to trekking forward…

they don’t look unhappy, but they don’t seem peaceful either. and this is how they feel currently not having you in their life, not having this relationship as a structure in their life, appearing ok and productive on the outside, while on the inside… all they can do is keep walking into the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, posting on instagram and then continuing to walk- and I’m hearing maybe the piece of them still connected to you is saying that “you feel the same way”… goddamn it pile 1 I am completely on your side, no buts about it, and all I will say to that message coming through is you need to look into a possible cord-cut ritual. find one that feels intuitively correct to your situation (no murder), and definitely meditate if this person/ex-relationship has been on your mind because it is crucial for you to move on, move out, and move forward from this relationship. for you, AND for this ex. please, please, please, work towards detachment and neutrality. obviously, feel your emotions and address them, but afterward do the final closure by saying- “that was hurtful, that makes me feel hurt, but it happened.”- I know it’s “fun” to pick apart text messages and realize all the times you two weren’t right for each other, and it's easy to live in the past then continue into the unknown (so many songs coming through omg you guys experienced a lot of memories together)- but you have got to start. just a little bit forward every day, please work on your fear of moving forward, because there is nothing to fear- your future self is already at peace, and that future self is you already! you have all the tools to get to them- all it needs is a couple steps forward a day, do it sick, do it crying, do it scared, do it hopeless. just. start. moving. (and do not feel “guilty”, this person will be ok. just like how you will be ok. and that is something to be hopeful about!!) I keep hearing “not at this time”, which is what your ex may possibly be thinking in the back of their mind,- I really hate posting PACs with borderline breadcrumbing but I do see a possible rekindling/reunion between you two, but not for a long time, much longer then either of you expect and it will truly be when you two are incredibly removed from what happened and basically completely different people- and life/the universe will be like “haha ok RENUION EPISODE TIME!!!! nostalgia bait!!!!~” it will be kinda silly, not even in a sardonic way but it will weirdly be very light-hearted, like both of you will be in on some inside joke no one else quite gets. I don’t even see this being romantic in the slightest between you, it's more a shared time of “partnership” and nothing will even get discussed because- both of you will be moved on and settled. in other words, no bad blood housed in the future, thanks to letting it all heal in the present time ⭐️.

sooo pile 1s that's what I got for you, hope you enjoyed haha and that you feel really more chilled out~ and that you continue that feeling into your day/afternoon/evening. One last word of advice, I know things can feel really lonely at times, but truly- your own company is the best company, and it is what you need at this time. and that’s beautiful- so make it beautiful for yourself ❤️!!!!!! ok, I love you so so much~.

*totes random but someone here needs to play around on character ai 💀um-)

🎆THIS READING HAS AN EXTENDED READING OVER ON MY PATREON~♡🎆 “Okkk let’s spy on your ex 👁‍🗨💭‼️ (EXTENDED their 18+ thoughts/where their mind wonders 👀) ***MDI

. . . Pile 2

⦿ The Devil, Five of Wands (reversed), Nine of cups, The Sun (reversed), Knight of Cups (reversed), Three of Wands (reversed) (bottom of deck) ⦿ TW/CW (sh mention/slight 18+ mention), Cancer/Pisces/Scorpio placements, Aquarius placements/degrees (Venus, 11th house, Jupitar, 3rd house), blue, panic/anxiety attacks, dissociation, numbers 11, 10, 1111, 1010, channeled songs- Shades of Cool - Lana Del Rey, Lilies - Ethel Cain ⦿ Hi pile 2s. you’re really going through it aren’t you?.. very strange energy going on- “a different realm” I’m hearing is the phase of life you feel you are in ❤️. I actually began channeling bits and pieces of your pile during pile 1, I do not know why there seems to be a weird connection/relation to pile 1 because I already know this pile is going to be quite a bit different (its like all the piles “know each other” its so weird-) but anyways. let me warm up to your chilly energy pile 2s, because I mean seriously, you guys are really going through it- not to be dark but if you’re into Ethel Cain this is like when she dies and gets put in an icebox- LIKE THATS WHERE YOU GUYS FEEL YOU ARE RN 💀… babe you don’t need anymore sympathy, or pity, I’m just going to be straight up with you- what you need is some love. and you need to accept that love- EVEN if that love, is just from yourself. yes, yourself. In fact, that’s where you really need to start because once you open your own heart back up, that’ll be when the sun shines through again… that message aside, this relationship ending really left you in the cold, it may have happened so suddenly that you feel in shock- in fact, for some of you this shocked-grief may have come to you later on- and its effecting you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, maybe even physically, I was perfectly ok channeling/writting the other piles but being here my hands are shaky, I keep making typos on every other word + double typing letters, the food I just ate doesnt feel like its digesting (+anxiety is just ramping up in me for no reason- partly effected by the sun setting- the weather/seasonal changes may be effecting you)… you’re sick over this pile 2 ❤️… and I really do not want to be triggering and if this does NOT feel like the energy you are currently in I urge you to pick another pile/pick another pac all together. wow ok, my chest is so heavy, and I need to step away to close my eyes in a comforting place (my bathroom lol) and I encourage you to do the same- see you in 15.. 13.. 11.. 9.. 7.. 5.. 3.. 1..- ok! I’m back in comfier clothes, this pile will definitely be more focused on you, tbh I do not even want nor have the desire to focus on your ex so I apologize but we’ll see- you may be having some sensory issues at this time because I was very anxious trying to find the “right” type of hair tie, I didn’t want a plastic one nor a heavy scrunchie.. but even in this space I took from your pile I was still channeling the whole time so BIG TW‼️ for these next energy check-in messages, some of you may be SH-ing at this time, I do not want to give some of you ideas,- but this could be physical self-harm (not just destructive emotion habits i mean), -even if you’re in a state of frozen apathy right now, you are still semi-consciously trying to find ways to address/expel this pain. This whole situation is giving fallen-angel vibes, you feel you have fallen into a very broken world filled with nothing but hopelessness on the horizon… I do not know what else to say other than express disappointment for you pile 2... you're in a rough place.

-one of the final big things regarding this energy, is that there was some kind of “savior complex” in this ex-relationship- and so I’m finally beginning to tap into the energy within the relationship itself… this savior complex may have been mutual, or one-sided- I cannot quite tell, there is an energy that is clearly more docile but emotionally rather volatile (?), and an energy that is distant yet very hot-headed/vicious,, good grief 🤪- also there is a more feminine energy, and a more masculine energy in this pile- I’m trying to be vague as people can play multiple roles/parts at different times- but there were some clear distinctions between the two of you in this relationship (could even be a submissive/dominant dynamic), and within that came co-dependency and this “savior complex” (which weirdly enough- was a slight theme in pile 1 but idk if I mentioned that or not)… you could have been the more “fem/sub/docile” one and was being viewed as requiring “saving” by this “masc/dom/vicious” person, manipulating you financially, physically, etc- or it could very well be the other way around where the more “fem” person felt they were emotionally “saving” you by manipulating you emotionally, mentally, etc… again change/rearrange for your situation and again this could have been a mutual “wanting to save/gain control” of the other person… its all very complicated. -baby, all I can say is that it is good that you are out of it, and if any part of you is still in it I urge you HEAVILY to get the fuck out of it and seek help. I know it is said often but no one can “save” anyone, and that is very true pile 2.- people, friendships, and relationships, are made truly beautiful by helping each other through hard times, unconditionally 💗. and it can be very true and real that other people can help us to reach where we want to be/can help us get out of certain situations, but my darling- this relationship has ended for a reason, the universe did not want this- not because you are not allowed to have what you desire, but because you cannot gain it through this relationship, through this person- I’m sorry. I ask you to begin to change your perspective to something more faithful- faithful to the perspective that what ended was somehow aimed at you gaining what you truly desire, and as divine protection. I know that some of what I have been saying is rather frequently brought up and certain “self-care” advice can begin to sound like monkey chatter yapping- but I do hope that something has gotten to you and made you feel heard in this reading pile 2💗 get out of the icebox and begin to experience life fully through your own lens, instead of through the lens of someone else loving you- you are deserving of a love that wraps you up at the end of your day and nourishes you, but you have to first learn to make a home within yourself ♡. I love you pile 2!! take a shower, clean a small corner of your living space, put on some clean clothes, and watch some anime. just take every moment as it comes for yourself. neutralize the overwhelm ♡. *one last thing- I can't recommend my own extended that I wrote out for you- if you are feeling sensitive, raw, or still relapsing into dwelling over this relationship- please, do not read it. please take care of yourself- you know what would make you feel ok best. I say this as a warning, do what you like- if you want more info, go head and check out what I wrote out ♡. proceed with caution and all that.* 🎆THIS READING HAS AN EXTENDED READING OVER ON MY PATREON~♡🎆 “Okkk let’s spy on your ex 👁‍🗨💭‼️ (EXTENDED their 18+ thoughts/where their mind wonders 👀) ***MDI

. . . Pile 3

⦿ The Star (reversed), Queen of Cups, Five of Wands, Seven of Swords (reversed), Eight of Pentacles (reverse), The Emperor (reversed), ⦿ Aries/Leo/Sagittarius placements, fire dominant, Mercury dominant, Virgo placements/degrees (6th house, 1st house, Saturn *6h/virgo degree), comfort food, sunshine, numbers 444, 888, 222, 111, channeled songs- Vogue mix - bookstore radio(yt) + Dark Red - Steve Lacy, Wild Side - Suki Waterhouse ⦿ UGH PILE 3s- you won’t BELIEVE the day I’ve had- no seriously as soon as I stepped in your energy I breathed a sigh of relief- because OH MY GOD, you are doing so well. and I know as soon as I said that you either felt 1. bashful confidence like “ughhh stawpp but also keep going~”, or 2. immediate crippling anxiety and self-doubt. well don’t crumble on me yet!! and stay with me now, whatever the hell you are doing, I’m here to tell you- you are doing the right thing and you are on the right path. and it is going to become ever more obvious that you’re doing the right thing by you making a little bit of headway every day- even if you just started feeling better TODAY- I’m here to tell you that you are doing well (even if the rest of your week has been shit lol). goodness pile 3, I write my PACs over a couple days because life has me chasing butterflies sometimes- but anyways, I’ve been thinking of your energy since 2 days ago,- I just keep getting the most peaceful and wholesome images in my head of where you are currently pile 3s, I’m seeing you looking so freaking cute, I’m seeing neck scarfs, you doing your hair in cute up-dos, you walking around your apartment/place of living looking like your ready to hit the town/turn some errands into a self-care date- you’re smelling really nice too- like you’ve really gained control over your time/energy and so you can now dedicate some intentional time into physically feeling good!! I’m hearing that Emma Thomson quote “This is your body- this is your home, it’s where you live”. and truly pile 3, you really are living solo right now, you've turned the energy spent on your bestie, your lover, your roommate, your sibling, towards yourself. you are spending some beautiful quality time with yourself. your intention setting has grown so strong and you really are now investing most of your time/energy into you/your life. which is allowing you to be so in the moment- your moment, your world- goodness jesus pile 3! I’m struggling to not ramble on about you, I can view you and feel your current state SO clearly I can almost taste it- but the thing is, I’m actually rather unable to fully “embody” your energy, because you’ve become that protected and within your own space, so I’m honestly just admiring you outside looking in lol. moving forward in painting the picture I can see of your life, going back to how I could almost “taste” your lifestyle rn- I’m also seeing you’re eating really good right now, you being so connected to yourself is making any food you intake taste sooo good and its nourishing your body so well- I’m seeing a lot of fresh fruit like pears, apples, oranges, tangerines, also seeing you eating out at really delicious places and the food is so good- you’re also beginning to make your own meals as well which I’m here to tell you is increasing your amazingly good energy- keep making dinner for yourself it’s so cute and beautiful~ you’ve turned so many aspects of your day-to-day mundane life into “self-dates”, and now that you’ve charged up with consistently giving to yourself, I see you balancing your time with going out and making plans with specific friends- you’re not interested or have the urge to socialize with a friends-of-friends group of people, and definitely there is no pull towards meeting someone new- because this is still a delicate time for you, you’ve built up so much valuable inner peace.

So I’m seeing a lot of very mutually giving one-on-one time with some of your closest friends, you’re giving such quality energy to them right now and them to you as well- I’m seeing there are 2 people who you’re focusing on the most/they’re the most in your life at this time, I'm hearing specifics but I’ll leave that out for the collective, but the strongest images coming through is female/fem friendships, “sisterhood” (this could even be your sister/sibling, otherwise you just feel very connected/have a history with these friends), and you’re walking together down-town doing some shopping but also deep in conversation, going to comforting restaurants dressed to the nines- all 3 of you (you + these 2 closest friends) could also be all going out together- good God is your life-giving main-character in a chick flick right now my pile 3s- specific soundtrack and all AHAHA. *btw to those here who feel like their life is not living up to what I just described, again take what resonates and change it to fit your situation, but these things if they are not happening currently in your life, it will happen. I can absolutely feel it, it feels so right, and I encourage you to take what I just wrote out as visualization inspo~ Oh yea your ex— this always happens where I come up with the title and theme of a pac- and then I don’t get to it until a paragraph later (tho some of you like that so lmk), anyway. they’re out,- I’m honestly struggling to even pick up on them because the situation is that moved on from and spirit agrees, like spirit divinely moved this situation on, I can only pick up a whiff of what’s up. It’s giving like, a crush or friendship you made in kindergarten, like it happened, and it’s a part of your past, and your past is you, but it’s in the past- like it happened so long ago. you know? like why talk about it… that’s how I’m feeling about the teensiest bit of what I’ve sniffed out- but,, I do have an extended to write out later soooo- I’m actually sorry pile 3 I’m going to keep digging. I think it’s funny that I keep using scent as a metaphor for trying to pick up on this ex-person, it makes me think that the only vague thing that you can still recall is their scent. despite how vague and blurry everything else has become, the memory of their scent is still incredibly vivid,, and truly it only takes that memory recall to then paint the rest of the picture of who this person is and who they were to you, and the unit you were with them- good God, again something connected to how they smelled- it’s deep, aromantic, sensual, sweet, like drifting off into honey- I’ve been hearing songs through your whole reading by the way as though I’m playing one of my playlists while writing this (I’m not), that's why I said your life is like a chick flick- soundtrack and all- anyways, the song coming to mind as I dip myself into this memory of this person is Slow Like Honey by Fiona Apple. so, if I described this person’s energy so far then there you go- I keep wanting to say “your person”, but like, this situation is done.

the only “but” or “what if(s)” is derived from you and them sharing a point in time with each other, and you know- your past is still a part of you, and it’s past for a reason, and since it’s in the past, then really it’s already closed.- obviously, it's completely valid for you to remember this and still grieve by the way, because our emotional beings can’t really tell the difference between memory and current reality, but at the same time our logic does know the difference- it's a mind vs. heart thing, the past is closure by default, even if that does not fit with the puzzle that is our emotions. and I’m here to let you know it is ok no matter where you are to still feel at times that they were a part of you, because they were a part of your past, and your past is a part of you. -just to wrap up, I’m not seeing anything about them other than that they are their own person, just like you, with their own life, just like yours, -in essence, I don’t see any specifics at all-, and just like you this shared past is also a part of them. both of you are separate people, who share a link with each other that is now in a state of closure (which you both revisit and walk through), and that’s for the absolute best, for both of you.

*-now, can I dig up what the situation was when it was messier and get freaky with it- yes I can, it’ll be funny lol-* 🎆THIS READING HAS AN EXTENDED READING OVER ON MY PATREON~♡🎆 “Okkk let’s spy on your ex 👁‍🗨💭‼️ (EXTENDED their 18+ thoughts/where their mind wonders 👀) ***MDI

. . . i just wrote for so long I'm shaking i need tea (the drink kind☕️ cus i spilled enough of the other type of tea lmao) love, vi~♡

[newtkive]

pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]

ch. 4 - agoraphobia and burger king on 5th street

summary: a personal experience provides a way for newt to connect to y/n.

warnings: strong language, mental health talk, depression, medication (its my literal prescription i mention oops this is like a self insert fr), mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

--

THE GLADE

[ 10:52 am ]

y/n: it’s official yall

drugs saved my life

tommy: huh??

minho: same

newt: wow, i’ve never seen your name on my screen before 12 pm

y/n: shut the hell up bitch

newt: ouch, touchy

minho: woah

touchy 👀

are yallll..?

y/n: you’re sick

tommy: are we going to ignore the drugs statement??

like hello are u ok ??

newt: you’re annoying minho

minho: yea <3 😊

notice how they didn’t say no

y/n: you guys just don’t understand how a girl like me needs beauty sleep..

and no we aren’t

gally: all that beauty sleep and ur still walking around with that mug.. yikes.

y/n: 😑

i hate you i haete you i dhateoyifu

minho: great she’s having a fit

y/n: no one cares about me

and you think i’m ugly

this is so sick

and you don’t even care that i’m on drugs

☹️😭😭😭😭 done.

newt: no one said that love

gally that was rude

minho: BRUHHHHH

here she goes

tommy: I CAREE????????

DO I NEED TO COMEGET YOU????

y/n: yes 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

before i do something crazy 😭😭💣

minho: THE BOMB IS WILD

tommy: stay where you are

i have your location

newt: uhhh

y/n: pause what

minho: tommy why would you admit to that

tommy: im On my way! what’s the issue

sorry autocorrect

y/n: WHY DO YOU HAVE MY LOCATION????

gally: can you guys shut the fuck up

minho: the drama queen is here 😍

gally: stop

alby: I have it on Life360, I imagine Thomas does as well. In fact I have all of your locations.

y/n: oh

i forgot about that app..

minho: i didn’t. i get a notif that newt’s phone is at 5% all the goddamn time

even tho he said he deleted it

newt: just turn it off then

i redownloaded it don't track my app intake

minho: no it makes me feel less lonely

y/n: awwwww

idk how you do that newt

newt: do what?

y/n: not charge your phone

if my phone gets below like 15% then the monsters will get me

tommy: omg me tooo 🥹

newt: i was about to say you sound like tommy.

tommy: don’t say that!

she’s on drugs i don’t want to sound like an addict 😔

newt: she isn’t on drugs thomas

tommy: she literally said she is newt :/

5 mins and i’m there y/n

y/n: are you actually fr

thomas..

we live very far away sweetie

newt: i mean

if you were in trouble you don’t think we’d come get you?

tommy: ^^

but life360 says you’re at the burger king on 5th

minho: no that’s me LOOOL

y/n: NEWTTT ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

tommy: wtf

i’m the one who’s coming to get u

why does he get the credit

minho: no tommy you’re coming to get me

tommy: oh yippee i get to see my friend 🤗

newt: ewwwwww

y/n: EWWWWW

tommy: OH STOP IT

y/n: why burger king of all places min

minho: why drugs of all things y/n

gally: she’s not doing drugs are you guys fuckin insane

y/n: yes i am

it’s 10 mg of fluoxetine 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

ONCE A DAY!!!!!!

IM ADDICTED

newt: no you aren’t, 10 mg is the smallest dose

minho: told y’all she was on drugs

y/n: ???????

minho: over the year

you’re too hyper to not be on some crack shit

tommy: oh stop that’s not nice.

newt: it’s not drugs like that minho stop.

tommy: uhoh he brought out the . at the end

y/n: it’s just for anxiety cuz i can’t leave the house without going into a breakdown

minho: she got acrophobia

told y’all she was mental

newt: what the fuck are you talking about

tommy: oh i know that word

fear of spiders 🕷️

minho: wtf no

fear of outside

y/n: i’m not afraid of outside

newt: that’s agoraphobia you fucking dumbass

y/n: 😍

i did NOT mean to send that lol oops

newt: ??

oh, okay

minho: when he’s a know it all 😍

when she’s agoraphobic 😍

y/n: when he’s at burger king on 5th because he has no food in his fridge and can only afford a $1.99 whopper with the coupons from the newspaper ����😍😍😍

minho: 😒😑

newt: LMFAOOOO

GOOD THAT

minho: british people be so annoying

saying shit like gormless minger and good that be sooo real rn

newt: i have never said gormless minger in my whole 26 years of life.

y/n: you just did bro

newt: call me bro again

y/n: bro

brosive

brother

stepbro

minho: laughed until i saw the last msg :/

newt: 😑

y/n: ok youre the perverts

minho: cant you take your prozac and turn back to normal now

y/n: so you DO know what it is..

gally: wym 'back to normal' like there was smth before this??

y/n: real i been like this for life

tommy: i got whopper and two large fries and mozzarella sticks

newt: wow

y/n: wow just call him a fatass newt.

newt: i would never, stop

y/n: 2 large fries is kinda crazy tho

tommy: i have to get enough to share with my friend

minho

gally: surprised you have friends

tommy: yeah you are not one.

gally: RUDE?

y/n: WELL LMFAO

minho: i literally already ate also gally ur not my friend either

newt: same

alby: same

gally: well why tf am i in here

y/n: well you're my friend!

gally: great.

y/n: not with that attitude..

tommy: y/n you're ok though right??

y/n: yes tommy im fine sweetie

go eat your food

tommy: okay i wish you could share these fries with me

y/n: me too :(

minho: i don't

big back would eat em all

y/n: i actually hate you

__

newt

[ 11:45 am ]

newt: hey

y/n: hiii :D whats up??

newt: idk why but this feels like secretly texting you across the room at a party

y/n: actually tho

picture me giving u a look from across the room

newt: you would blow our cover immediately

i just wanted to let you know if you needed any like,, advice or something with your new medicine i'm here for you. i take the same stuff on top of lexapro

y/n: oh really?

newt: yeah i do

y/n: newt :( thank you

i am a bit nervous to start it tbh

newt: i understand, i was too

but hopefully it'll change things for the better

y/n: i hope so

i didn't realize you dealt with anxiety n stuff

newt: more than you know

you aren't the only one and you aren't alone w it

y/n: you're sweet newt, thank you

newt: don't mention it :))

sorry the smiley was creepy

y/n: lmao no i like it

if you need to talk or anything too i’m always here

newt: yeah?

y/n: of course ): you’re my pookie

newt: one day you gotta let go of that word lmao

y/n: but you love it tho

newt: you tell yourself that

actually are you free rn?

y/n: yeah! i’m just about home what’s up?

newt: i’m bored so pick up the phone

y/n: NEWT LMAO

ok fine 😒

[muldermuse]

this is kind of a ramble so bear with me:

thinking about sending two sinners!gator into an absolute tailspin when he shows up to your house to see everything in boxes and your clothes packed up in a few suitcases by the door

he’s like ????? WHAT IS GOING ON WHERE ARE YOU GOING???? and just casually saying “skipping town” and going to kiss him and he’s like ??????

i can only imagine the catharsis of telling him that “there’s nothing in fargo for me, most of the town hates me and the ones who don’t just wanna fuck me, you’re probably gonna marry glenda which will only make everyone hate me even more if they find out i’m the other woman. So I want to live somewhere else. I’m not happy here.” and he obv freaks out

and maybe you’re just going to stay at a friends house while your place gets painted, but maybe leaving was on your mind (it’s easier to sell a house with fresh paint👀), and maybe you wanted to see how serious he was about coming with you…but none of that is any of his business…

i’m usually not an angst girlie but i’m on my period and it’s probably a safer bet to be melodramatic and pick a fight with a fictional man than one i actually know 😭😭

ok this ask made me feral, i felt so ANGSTY writing it

thank u so much for sending it through angel <3

18+ only!! Angst below the cut!! Gator is mean and reader is maybe meaner. They're both terrible people. He calls her a whore, she calls him a lot of mean names. Mentions of smut but no actual smut.

Maybe, this is super far in the future for the two sinners fic or maybe it is not canon. who knows!!! not me!!!

You’re not sure how he found out. You’ve quietly handed your notice in at work and said goodbye to the few in this shitty town you care about. Jenson, Jax and Steve have been ghosted (but you know that they’d all come back with a simple ‘you up?’ text). You weren’t going to tell Gator you were leaving- he didn’t deserve a goodbye. You’d planned to go for 3 months as your place was going to get renovated in that time (you’d been saving up for years to make it more of a home). So, you thought that the months away would be an opportunity to become a new person. A better person. Someone who didn’t fuck pathetic Sheriffs. If anyone looked in; they’d think you were going forever. You’d decided that as soon as you left, you’d block Gator and when (or if) you returned, you’d avoid him like the plague.

The U-HAUL parked in your drive probably gave it away. Or when Glenda saw you filling up your truck and made a snide comment about what you were doing. Or maybe it was when you fucked him 2 days ago he made a passing comment about how empty your home looked. Since then, the entire hall area is covered in boxes filled with your possessions. You try not to let it depress you that your whole life has been packed up in a matter of days. You need a fresh start, you’re moving in with a friend a few towns over and you can be whoever you want to be for a few months. No one there has to know that you’ve been fucking a loser in a relationship for the best part of 2 years. You know it’s him as soon as he knocks on the door, no one knocks as loud as him and other people wait to be invited in. Gator lets himself in as you’re checking your backpack one final time.

“The fuck is all this shit?” He kicks a box that’s in his way and you’re thankful you don’t hear a shatter. “Saw the U-Haul and uh- Glenda saw you fillin’ up. Plannin’ a trip or somethin’?”. He tries to sound unbothered but you know him better than that.

You don’t look at him when you tell him, “Yeah, I’m leaving”. You tell yourself that it’s because you’re checking your backpack but really it’s because you can feel the adrenaline pumping through your veins and you’re trying to compose yourself before you lose your shit.

“The fuck did you jus’ fuckin’ say?”

“Sorry, I’ll say it slower because you’re a fuckin’ idiot. I am leaving”. You draw out the last three words and stare at him. You can hear your heart thumping in your ears as you try to read the expression on his face. It’s a mix of anger, confusion, and sadness. A soft kiss his pressed to his cheek as you walk into the dining room to check your toiletries box. That’s the only pleasantry you’ll exchange with him today- or maybe ever again.

His boots stomp behind you as he follows you in. “Well, where are you goin’?”

“I’ll tell you when I’m there, Gator. Now you can fuck off back to Glenda and play fuckin’ happy families for the rest of your life”.

“Well- why are you leavin’? You’ve never mentioned this before”. His voice breaks as he speaks, either a sign he’s getting choked up or he’s getting really angry.

You can feel the anger rattling in your chest and the sound of your heartbeat in your ears becomes overwhelming. “Why am I going? Gator, everyone in this town fuckin’ hates me or thinks that I’m a total whore because of your fuckin’ bitch of a girlfriend. Who- by the way, you’re goin’ to marry because you’re too fuckin’ chickenshit to upset your crazy daddy…” You slam your hands on the table and take a quick breath, “Gator- I fuckin’ hate it here, I’m miserable and I can’t do it any longer- it’s killin’ me”.

He’s stood opposite you and fuck, does he look mad. He doesn’t move for a minute but then shoves your boxes off the table and kicks them when they hit the floor. After a few seconds, he kicks them again with more force and slams his hands on the table.

“Yeah, real fuckin’ mature Gator, breaking my shit beca-“

“What about this? What about us?” His voice is more muted than you’ve ever heard it. His breath is shuddering gasps. You’re unsure why it enrages you.

You laugh cruelly, “What us? What the fuck are you talking about? Gator, you have a fuckin’ girlfriend who you’re going to marry.”

“Yeah but when has that stopped you- huh? You can’t put this all on me. You’re jus’ as bad as me.”

He moves to stand in front of you. The energy in the room is charged, usually, when it feels like this between the pair of you, it would end in some angry sex where you’re both trying to dominate the other person but you both know that isn’t going to happen today. 

“You’re movin’ away to be a fuckin’ whore somewhere else... or because you’re jealous of Glenda. She gets all of me and you jus’ get the fuckin’ scraps”. His smile is wicked and his eyes look darker than you’ve ever seen them.

You take a step closer to him, “I couldn’t think of anything fucking worse than havin’ all of you. You’re a pathetic fuckin’ daddy’s boy who’s never won anythin’ in his life”. You get close enough to whisper in his ear, “you’re a fuckin’ loser, Gator.”

You hate how much you want to fuck him in this moment and by the red bloom that’s creeping up his neck; you know he feels the same.

He leaves your home silently. He kicks another box on his way out and you finally hear a shatter. His tyres spin as his car races off your front lawn. 

You should block his number and know that that is the end of this awful affair. 

But you both know that it isn’t.

[sgnjimmy]

𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐛𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬

vinny hong x afab!reader (sorry :c, no pronouns tho)

A/n: yes imma live, people, just busy on being depress y'know, is a full time job (i guess heh). but my man here can make anything better so, tcharam!!

Warning (s): +18, kind of smut (?) tons of pervy thoughts (i dunno how to put warnings (T-T)), male masturbation. some shitty writing cuz is been a while 😭😭 i apologize.

Word count: 910. ('m not sure)

Vinny wasn’t going to pretend he was a saint, he had wondered what would happen if you - or him for that matter -  didn’t pull away when a make out session was getting out of hand. He couldn’t help but wonder what would be to touch every inch of your body, to kiss every inch of it. And even mark it all as his. But he always felt bad at the last second, and he didn't want to make you feel pressured to do something you didn’t want. What if you wanted to wait a bit more? Or… fuck what if you didn’t want it with him? That would hurt a ton but he would understand, and of course, respect your wish. Sex wasn't that important for him… He just couldn't help but imagine your body on top of his, with no piece of clothing blocking his vision as he admired your gorgeous body. 

There were times when you guys cuddled, Vinny would get a boner and he'd try to hide, but it was no use, you always noticed it. It was kind of hard to miss, you embraced each other 's fully when cuddling. And, well, the size of Vinny's... friend didn't help him in those situations. Anyway, you would just assure him it was okay and he'd apologize saying he couldn't control it and that "it was an accident" ...which was a lie. Of course Vinny didn't mean to pop a boner, but it was no accident. He would imagine inappropriate things about you then. Vinny would travel his hand under the back of your shirt to feel your naked skin against his palm, and would let his mind explore all the sexual fantasies he had about you. 

To be honest he feels a bit guilty about it, like some kind of pervert. Was it normal in relationships to fantasize about their partner? He doesn't know. He never had these types of thoughts about anyone before. But in the heat of the moment it didn't feel like he's doing something wrong. Like right now Vinny is in the shower. Work has been kicking his ass lately - the workload is the absolute worst and he almost never sees you during the day, he misses you. To relax he tries to think about you while stroking his cock, ignoring the fact that he might look like a creep right now. He just thinks about the moans you let out when he bite your neck just right, or when his kisses are needier than usual against your mouth. 

He thinks about the noises you would make if it was your pussy on his dick instead of his stupid hand. And, oh god, the thoughts Vinny has about your pussy, it drives him crazy to think about it. What would it look like? He wonders. Do you shave or prefer not to? What would it feel like on his fingers? Would it be really tight around him? Would you let him taste you? He fucking hopes so. Fuck, he really wants to put his mouth on you down there, he wants to devour you till you beg him to stop. Would you complain between whimpers that he's too big for you to take when he finally puts it in? Vinny knows for a fact he's above average… Or would just keep telling him for "more and more"?

"Ah, fuck" He let's out. He wants to see your face contorted in pleasure so bad. Continuing to stroke his dick he keeps on with the fantasy playing on his mind. 

You lay under him, he's on his knees between your bare legs. "Please." You beg him, "Please, i need you, more". And Vinny's more than willing to obey, he procedes to hammers his cock into your entrance and hears you let a hmph sound at the contact of his length entering deeper your hole. His hands move up from your thighs to your waist, he then moves his hips forward using your middle as leverage. 

“Vinny” You moaned weakly. Already tired? He thinks, smirking. He could feel your walls tighten at each thrust. “It’s so deep, you’re- you’re too big, ah!” He thinks this sight is the best he ever witnessed, you look so angelic despite the scenario playing out. Your hair sticks in your forehead, your eyes are closed shut and your mouth wide open.

Vinny brings himself to your level to lay kisses and a few bites onto your neck and shoulder, he can taste the sweat on your skin and it just makes it even better. He feel your breasts against his chest and goes to hold one of them with his left hand. The redhead moves up to taste your mouth next, and you reply instantly, returning his sloppy kiss, between moans and whimpers.

“Fuck, ‘m gonna cum.” He says feeling his high coming, stroking his cock harder. “Y/n, need you so much.” His movements are desperate making him reach his climax faster. When Vinny finally cums his fluids are shoot right on the shower wall, water runs down his body and his hand lays still around his softening member. It takes a few minutes for his breathing to align normally, but when it does he just let a sigh out. He’ll have to clean himself again. What a pain.  

After some time of cleaning himself all over again he's ready to close the shower faucet, Vinny hears the front door open and seconds later you announce your presence, “Baby, i’ve brought food!” He hears you say happily from the living room.

Ah, just in time. He was starting to get hungry.    

(this took a shit time to do😩😩. i changed it so many times to fit better🥲.)

Tags: @vinnyshongf

[thatstoomanysausages]

is Scott in your funky life thing (can’t spell sorry)

He is not! But not for long‼️‼️💥💥

GAY RIGHTS🏳️‍🌈‼️‼️‼️😭😭(Tomodachi Life)

- CuteGuy has been changed to Ariana Griande just because of how feminine I made CuteGuy😭, bear with, I’ll make CG again)

- As always I have short term memory loss and I forget if I have said this but: Lizzie and Pearl are besties

- I feel like I’ve said it before

- Getting Deja vu

- Just let it happen

- Grian: “It feels like I’ve known Joe all my life” The duo I never knew I needed

- Cuteguy has a fucking incredible poker face btw

- Iscared a fart out of BigB

- I gave Etho a ballet manual and now he is spinning in pirouettes around the room😭

- Tango is dreaming about being seaweed… good for him ig😀

- I got fried seafood as a gift😭

- Tango told me to go to Pearl cause she had a story to tell me and she’s saying FUCK ALL😭😭

- All men do is lie

- Joe and Ella (Pearl and Ren’s child) are friends ‼️‼️‼️‼️ COOL UNCLE VIBES‼️

- Martyn did an impression of Timmy and he just sounded the same but I can’t tell if the impression was shit or I made them have the same voice😭😭

- Joel wants to take Jimmy on a date oh my god😭😭

- The beach for sure😍

- HotGuy and Poultry man have had a fight guys

- I gave HG crisps and he calmed down instantly 😭😭 me

- Okay they made up

- That was rlly anticlimactic ‼️

- Joel and Jim are on the beach while they are both wearing dresses, one of which being a maid dress😭😭😭 PLEASE

- So… did a a judgement bay thing which is basically “choose a side”

- I drew a dick and vag on each side

- 16:4 (dick wins)

- Here are some honourable mentions:

- For dick:

- Etho: A kid would definitely choose this (😨 I mean… he’s not wrong😭)

- Tango: I went on my instinct (okay… go king..?)

- HotGuy: this is basically the only choice (gay rights‼️‼️ bisexual allegations destroyed in one fell swoop)

- Jimmy: This choice just feels right (I wanna say a slur rn…😟)

- Martyn: It makes the most sense (to you babes… to you)

- Grian: This is okay, isn’t it? (The internalised homophobia is crazy😭 (so real))

- Ariana Griande: There’s more than one correct answer (BISEXUAL QUEEN😍😍😍)

- And for the vag side (the correct one):

- Skizz: This one! My reasons are secret (my first day at high school, I hope no one notices I’m straight!!🥺🥺)

- Joel: A kid would definitely choose this (Pls Joel not you too😭😭)

- Lizzie: This one is so grown up (real! Liking vag is a very maturing experience😍😍😍😍 (I’m aroace))

- Okay, now: 3rd Life vs Last Life vs Double Life vs Limited Life

- 4:2:9:5‼️

- Mumbo (3rd): To tell the truth, I have no idea (yh cause you weren’t there babes😭)

- Grian (Double): This is basically the only choice (Yeah okay😭 Gayass)

- Scar (Double): Unbelievably, it’s a good choice (why both of you😭)

- Impulse (Double): I was under pressure to go here (😭HAHA)

- Pearl (Limited): A noice wouldn’t know to go to this one (SO TRUE‼️ LIMITED LIFE🔛🔝‼️)

- Did a men vs women vs both vs none

- Both won🩷💜💙 bisexual rights

- And to the surprise of no one, Grian and Scar were in the men’s section😭

- Ren, the only one in none: I was under pressure to go here (okay aroace with a wife king)

- TANGO IS IN LOVE

- WITH JOEEEEEE

- GAY RIGHTTSSSSSS

- yes confess in your flamenco dress

- JOE GHOSTED HIM

- OH MY GOD

- “He didn’t even show up…��� ARE YOU FUCKINF SERIOUS😭😭😭😭😭

- HES DEPRESSED

- I’ll hyponise him… yes😍

- It did not work👍😍

- He’s kinda a buzzkill to be around😬

- Anyway

- SCOTT SMAJOR IS HERE‼️‼️‼️

[tadpolesonalgae]

i've read the last chapter twice and i honestly thought things would go a different way? idk i thought even if running away didn't work with the magic that maybe she got at least a bit of a backbone, it kinda feels like running to eris and have all that guilt on top of the one she already had was all for nothing. i wanna root for her but at a certain point she's really doing all this to herself. i thought the reunion would warrant some well deserved anger from both parts like a climax of sorts, i guess it did it was just more depressing and defeated than the anger i was expecting. kinda wish we'd seen azriel or even mor tell the others too

and i'm sorry but how did she pick the weirdest way to off herself 😭 like there are so many easier ways, even just with the arrow just stab it through your heart, she definitely wouldn't hit azriel like that and she remembered the wards but didnt think to mind speak to call rhys and feyre? like i get she was in shock but i just dont know how she's so smart but keeps making the dumbest decisions. i also thought the prophecy meant she'd kill him with her powers not just this

i'm sorry if this sounds a bit critical, the chapter was beautifully written as always, you're really amazing at conveying emotion, the reason it's so frustrating to see her stay stuck in her self pity is because of how well you write it but i just thought there would be more happening when she came back - 🧶

Okay…I have some thoughts drifting around in my head so I hope I’ll express them in a coherent fashion 😬😭🧡💛 (though this did get a little long, sorry 🫣🫂)

So, first of all, I think some people probably were expecting anger or some kind of emotional detonation, but in my experience anger and frustration take a lot of energy to sustain and I don’t believe reader—where she was at that moment—was capable of directing her resentment anywhere but herself? She’s exhausted from being alive; she doesn’t have the energy nor the instinct to become angry with Azriel or any of the IC.

I know this is a fanfic, so it would be quite simple to have her ‘fixed’ after visiting Eris, but that scene was supposed to be the first moment of catharsis, where reader is able to physically exhaust a portion of her magic that has been straining on her. It’s mentioned (I think in acomaf, and we also see it with Nesta in acosf) that Rhys has to constantly have magic in use to relieve the pressure it puts on him or else it will drive him insane, so reader needed to have some kind of release moment since her magic wasn’t able to manifest correctly.

I’d also like to mention that I think it might seem underwhelming or anticlimactic in some lights because it is frustrating in a way to see someone continuously be unable to stand up for themselves and just kind of melt into a puddle on the floor? Particularly if they aren’t entirely deserving of certain behaviours and it would be simpler to fix if the person just took a stand and stopped muddling about the place 😭

‘kinda wish we'd seen azriel or even mor tell the others too’

With this, do you mean that reader ran away to Eris, or that she tried to end herself, because I’m pretty sure both of those will be spoken about in chapter 16 if that’s any consolation! 🧡💛

Okay, onto the method of suicide! (Yes, I acknowledge it was a weird choice, certainly a more unintentionally flamboyant approach)

So, since she’s fae (I can’t actually remember if decapitation works?) I’m pretty sure ash is the only thing that can actually kill her? Which limited the options quite significantly? I suppose she could have taken a large dose of faebane to reduce her healing and then ended herself in a more ‘human’ (?) way?

Personally though, there were a couple a reasons I wanted to use the crossbow and arrow!

First of all, using a crossbow, letting reader set it up, knowing she just has to knock into a book and then it will be out of her hands? It’s passive. She’s again letting things be taken out of control—I didn’t want her first moments of real autonomy to be trying to end herself (though that might have been very impactful for a different direction of the story) (I’m also not counting her giving away the earrings since that wasn’t something she did entirely for herself)

Secondly, the Crossbow itself was lying inside the House of Wind, along with various other weapons and blades that the IC are just too accustomed to—I want a specific reason for the IC to understand what sort of problems are happening with reader. While I don’t feel it’s expressly their fault (again, I feel it’s passive, not active—they didn’t intend for their distance to have a negative impact on her, though it did anyway) they will feel responsible that she used something of theirs to hurt herself with.

Then, Eris was the one who gave reader the ash arrow and I would like to have a reason to elaborate on what’s going on in the background (which I’m scared I won’t do well 🫣)

Admittedly this is a slightly strange reason, but I think from reader’s perspective and without being able to understand az’s side, he’s seemed quite cold/distant from her due to external pressures and I wanted this to serve as a reminder that despite how bad things are right now he does still care about her? Not romantically or anything obviously, but he doesn’t want any of the people he cares about to be hurt where he can help it so this felt like a good circumstance that would set their reconciliation (not reconciliation, but their distance closing I guess?) in motion and give them a reason to actually pay attention to one another and figure out what’s going on

(Lastly, this one is more an allegory than anything, but being shot through the heart by an arrow is usually something done by Cupid. So revolving around her love for Azriel and how it’s kind of messing her up? This is definitely a more indulgent reason though 😭)

For the mind speaking thing and why she didn’t call out for Rhys and Feyre—I’m not sure if I expressed it incorrectly but reader was suffering through an onslaught of pretty debilitating inclinations revolving around ending herself, and then the solution to those urges was stripped away from her when Azriel took the arrow instead so she’s having to grasp with the fact she’s still alive, she’s now responsible for murdering someone rhys, Feyre etc. love dearly, she’s killed someone she loves dearly, while also dealing with small glimpses from the war—she isn’t in the right headspace to think outside of those problems.

Also, I don’t feel daemati abilities are explained very clearly, but in my mind Azriel, Cassian, Mor etc. who aren’t daemati would be familiar enough with it (through speaking with Rhys) that they know roughly where to push within their mental expanse to search for a connection point. With reader who has only been fae for two years, has little to no experience with speaking mind to mind—I don’t feel it would be at all possible for her to figure out how to call for someone mentally when she can barely control her own magic and when neither Rhys nor Feyre would have a reason to be checking on her mentally when as far as they know she’s safe and with Az.

With the prophecy/vision that Elain got, all she explicitly sees is Azriel on the floor with blood around him then a flash of green. He looks dead but that’s not something Elain can determine just through visuals just yet—no, Azriel is not dead, but he comes close enough to imitate it!

‘i'm sorry if this sounds a bit critical, the chapter was beautifully written as always, you're really amazing at conveying emotion, the reason it's so frustrating to see her stay stuck in her self pity is because of how well you write it but i just thought there would be more happening when she came back - 🧶’

I think it was critical but I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all and really appreciate it!! 🧡💛 It wasn’t malicious or mean and I really enjoy hearing your opinions on cbmthy’s storyline because it helps me adapt and shape the direction of the plot—seriously, I love getting to hear your thoughts, thank you so much for taking the time to articulate them, it’s such a massive aid 😭🧡💛 I hope none of my replies felt too harsh or absolute, and I would love to know if you have any other thoughts on the storyline!! 🧡💛

[claire-elvisgirl]

A NEW BEGINNING - part 1

Hi everybody! This time I got very emotional 😭 I hope you like the story. It's a 2 parts fic and the second is almost ready. I don't like to keep you waiting too much. 🥰 let me know what you think.

Summary: You and Elvis are married. You lost interest in having sex after a tragedy. And another tragedy is going to make you change idea, bringing you back to life.

Warnings: 18+, miscarriage, depression, sadness, anger, gunshot. Sorry for  possible mistakes.

Word cunt: 2340

A sharp pain in your belly took out your breath. You crawled in your bed holding your hands onto your bump. In your ears only few sounds…a ringing phone, a shout, an ambulance, a medical machine…then the darkness.

*

You were sitting on your bed. In your hand you were holding a little blue shoe. You kept holding it to your heart and couldn’t hold back the tears. A year has passed since that dreadful day. Your pregnancy was going perfectly, til that moment when that pain blowed your body and lead you to a miscarriage that almost killed you. You couldn’t get back to your previous life, every little thing reminded you of that tragedy. One night, Elvis came home after a show, finding you asleep on the couch. That little blue shoe always grabbed in your hands. He sat beside you caressing your hair and he whispered in your ear: “Y/n?!” he kissed your cheek sweetly: “Hey, I’m home!”. You opened your eyes and you found his face leaned down on you, looking at you with the purest love. “How ya feel?” Ya alright?”. You turned your back on him, nodding sadly. “Aw c’mon hun, what’s bitin’ ya?”. You got up from the couch and rubbed your eyes. “Nothing…I’m fine!” you answered. He followed you and hugged you from behind. “What if we go to bed and…”

You free yourself from his grasp: “Please Elvis, I'm not in the mood…” you answered heading for the bed. You took your pajamas and started to undress. Elvis grabbed your hand and pulled you back, making it clear what he wanted from you, but since you lost the baby, you no longer had the desire to fulfil your sexual affaires. Elvis held your hand as his voice lowered and he spoke in a more serious tone. "Listen y/n, ya can't keep avoidin’ bein’ intimate with me forever... It's been months since we've made love. This doesn't seem right... "

You looked away. “I know...but I'm not ready yet…I’m…” Elvis put his arm around you and slowly brought you closer until your body is pressed up against his. He whispered in your ear. "Hun, you know how much I care about ya and want to be with ya. But ya have to understand...I want to get back to our old life... and that means getting intimate again.". He sighed and caressed the side of your face. “Y/n...what do I have to do to get ya ready?". You couldn’t hold back the tears as you tried to respond. He grabbed your arms and pulled you closer then he kept talking: "Ya don't understand... I need... ya and me, we need to be intimate again. Ya know we can't go on like this.".

“I know, you just have to give me some time!”.

Elvis smiled as he touched your cheek. "That's alright y/n, I didn’t mean to push you and I don't wanna force you. I know you're goin’ through a lot right now. Just remember, you're my woman. And when you're ready, I'll be waiting. Take all the time you need!"

Y/n watched him walk away deep in thought about what just happened. You couldn’t help feeling a bit relieved, but also conflicted; Elvis has been acting differently ever since you lost the baby. And there was a big question you’ve been keeping from yourself: could you possibly get pregnant again?

*

Elvis returned later that evening. He seemed very angry. He came in and went straight to your room without knocking. He pushed you on the bed and climbed on top of you. "Now ya gonna give me what I need, ya understand woman?”.

You tried to push him back a little shocked: “Elvis…what are you doing? Are you drunk?” you asked him in panick. He kept pushing you under him. "Aw hell no, but you know how I am. I got needs and If ya don't give me what I want soon..." he shrugged with a smirk. "I'll be findin' some other way to get rid of my needs. With or without you. And that's my final word!!!” He got up from the bed and slammed the door.

*

Elvis sat in his office, talking on the phone with a cigar in his mouth. He took a deep drag on his cigar, and puffed out a haze of smoke. A knock on the door caught his attention as he took another drag on his cigar. "Come on in!" he called out.

Red West, one of Elvis' security guards came in. "Boss, there's Sonny here…he’s got something to tell ya. He said it's important.”

He didn’t even look up: “Important eh? Let him in." He answered leaning forward and pitting out his cigar in a nearby ashtray.

Red opened the door, and in walked Sonny. "Boss, we got a problem!” Sonny said putting his hands on the desk.

Elvis looked up at Sonny; his face showing concern. "What sorta problem are we talkin' 'bout?"

Suddenly the door bursted open and in walked Colonel Parker. Elvis got up in a hurry. "Colonel! What is it? What's wrong?" Elvis said with urgency and a hint of anger in his voice.

Colonel Parker walked into the room and with a serious look on his face, he said: "My boy, you've gotta cancel tonight's show."

A trace of fear appeared on Elvis' face as he swallowed hard. "Are you kiddin' me? Colonel, I can't cancel. I've got a sold-out show tonight. What in the world is going on?". Parker took out a piece of paper and handed it to Elvis. “What’s this shit?” Elvis asked looking at it. It was a picture of him, marked with a red stain on his face. The writing said: “You’re dead!”

The Colonel kept talking: “They want your head, and they're not kiddin' around!" he said with a worried look on his face. Then he walked around the room, smoking his big cigar. "Did your guards find anyone suspicious around?” he asked Elvis.

"No one found anyone, Colonel! Dunt ya worry, it’s not the first time and it won’t be the last!"

Parker got annoyed and he replied in a grave voice. "We think it's someone on the inside!”.

Elvis sat down and leans back in his chair. His expression shows no emotions. "Colonel, I need to know how serious this is. What's gonna happen if I don't cancel the show?"

The Colonel paused for a moment, as if thinking hard. "Elvis, I think you should cancel the show, this is serious!" He said, looking right into Elvis' eyes. Anger spread across Elvis's face. "Colonel, I know you're just trying to keep me safe, but I can't let my fans down. Not after all this. Let's just go ahead as planned, okay? Nothing will happen."

Colonel Parkers pointed his cane at him: "I'm not gonna take any chances with your safety, Elvis!" he said firmly. "You’re gonna cancel tonight's show."

Elvis looked at the colonel for a few seconds and then he suddenly got up getting furious.

"This is bullshit!" he said as he turns away from Parker and paced around the room.

"I can't believe this is happening! I'm not going to let these people stop me. I got a show to do." Elvis' tone is starting to sound really upset. Colonel Parker walked towards Elvis. "Elvis, for God's sakes. We don't know what they're planning. You could end up killed!" he said, trying his best to reason with Elvis, which was decided to go on with his show!

"I've got fans out there waiting for me, Colonel! They've all paid good money to see me perform tonight. I will not let them down." he said firmly, throwing a punch on the table. Colonel Parker walked toward Elvis, and tried to speak more directly with him. "Elvis, listen, I understand how important this is for you, and for your fans, but this isn't a risk we can take!!!”

Elvis got a dangerous look on his face as he turned to the Colonel. He seems to be losing control at this point. “Enough with this shit, Colonel, now you listen to me: I made up my mind! I will be playing tonight. That’s all!"

*

Late that afternoon Elvis got back to you asking for some advice. “Y/n, what do you think I should do? I can't cancel the show, and I'll be damned if I let these people scare me into hiding!" he said, clearly frustrated.

You were scared and the only thing that mattered to you was the safety of your husband. “Well...I don't know, but maybe you have to cancel it. If you don't want to take any risk!”

He looked at you with a look of anger on his face. "The hell I will." Elvis said in anger. "Y/n, listen, I won't be threatened. I'm not gonna let these people win."

You replied at his anger with more anger. “Well...if you already knew the answer why did you ask??”

Elvis looked at you and he seemed a little hurt by your answer. "Don't give me that fuckin’ tone of voice, hun!!!! I'm just looking for someone to talk to because…I'm worried, okay? But this is a situation that I need to handle, and I'm not gonna back down from any challenges, understood?” he left the room.

You knew him too well: he would have never canceled that show. You could only hope everything would have turned out for the best.

*

Elvis is getting ready in his dressing room. Colonel Parker walked in seeing Elvis getting into his jumpsuit and he tried to make him reason one last time. "Son, listen to me. You can't go out there, it's too dangerous. You don't know what these people are capable of." Colonel Parker said, with a serious look on his face.

Elvis looked up at him and shook his head. "Colonel, if I don't go out there tonight, I’m gonna send a message to whoever sent that note. It'll give them power." he replied looking at himself in the mirror.

Colonel Parker walked up to Elvis and put a hand on his shoulder. "Listen, Elvis. I know you don't want to be bullied by whatever person or people sent that note, but you also have a responsibility to your own safety. It's not worth risking your life for a concert. This is serious and for your own safety we can't take this risk. We should cancel the show!” Elvis shook his head and got up. "Colonel, it's a risk I'm willing to take." Elvis took a step towards the door, ready to walk out. He pushed Colonel Parker out of the way and walked out of the dressing room. "Colonel, I'm not asking for permission to go out there. I'm telling you, I'm playing tonight, nothing is gonna stop me and I'm going to give the best damn performance they have ever seen!"

 He turned his back and slammed the door.

*

A few minutes later, Elvis walked up on stage. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The cheering and the buzz of the crowd filled his ears. He looked out at the sea of people in front of him, he nodded to his band to begin playing, and then he started to sing "That's Alright Mama."

The crowd went wild, cheering and whistling for him. He smiled as he sang, loving all the attention. But as he sang, he looked out into the crowd, his eyes searching for any possible danger.

Elvis kept singing, getting into the groove of music, but then, out of the corner of his eye he saw someone, or something, that looked odd. He tried to focus to figure out what it was. Suddenly it moved, as if getting closer to the stage. Elvis stopped singing for a second, and looked over with a nervous look on his face. Suddenly he saw a strange object getting bigger and closer, then he realized what it was. It was a gun. He pointed at it and yelled to his guys. "Gun!!”. Suddenly the entire crowd started to panic. People shouted and ran, trying to get away from the stage and the chaos. A first shot hit a spot over his head. The security guards rushed to Elvis's side and surrounded him, protecting him from the panicking crowd. Elvis looked around in disbelief, then he felt a sharp pain in his side, and fell to the ground. He looked down and saw the gunshot wound. A moment later the crowd calmed down a bit, and another guard took you to him. "Elvis! Oh my God, are you okay??" You asked as you saw the blood. He lay on the floor with his eyes half closed, looking at the ceiling. One of the guys yelled for help, while the others tried to follow the shooter.

Elvis looked up at you and his eyes were filled with pain and desperation. "Hun…I’ve been shot...I can't move...". He touched his side with a hand and as he lift it up he saw the blood “Oh God...it can't be true...” He tried to get up, but he was in too much pain and you tried to keep him still. “Don't move Elvis, breath, breath!!!”

"Help me..." he said with a weak voice. “Ah don't wanna die.... Please help me... ah don't wanna die!" He looked scared as the blood flowed down his side. He looked over at you, trying to catch his breath.  Luckily, because of the death thread an ambulance was parked nearby and the paramedics could react immediately taking him off the stage heading for the hospital. Meanwhile, the people in the crowd was in tears, the shock on their faces clearly visible. Colonel Parker was shaking his head in disbelief. Elvis was trying his best to stay concious, looking up at you as the paramedics tried to save him. "Y/n...help me, don't leave me…not now..." and with those last words, Elvis closed his eyes.

*

[rainswept]

why do you like chuuya /gen, like I dont mean to sound rude in anyway but why😭🙏

this is going under a read more because i started yapping and couldn’t stop. i’m sorry

his personality. hes so funny and hes such a bitch i love him. but also he’s an incredibly dynamic character. he’s well written and tbh that’s enough for me to like him already. he’s had so much shit thrown at him and very well could have become a horrible person but he’s not. others care about him and he cares about others. he hasn’t let himself become as bitter as he could have been. he is still so full of humanity despite it despite everything SEE NEXT PARAGRAPH

i’m a sucker for characters that are entirely completely human and yet don’t think they are, or struggle with whether they are or not (especially thinking so because of all the reasons that they are— but i suppose chuuya doesn’t really fit that part so i won’t get into that now.) like yes chuuya has (or had, i guess) a reason to believe he isn’t, but does that really matter when faced with the fact that you have emotions and blood just like everyone else? does your make matter when you’re not so different after all? it’s existential. it makes u think. 

his crime list is about as short as he is and i find that wonderful

his lore/past/backstory whatever you want to call it. not even, he’s still going through it. man 😭. he’s had so much loss but not a single goodbye and i think that’s a really fucking good (and depressing) concept. he has never had the chance to mourn properly. he acts like he did.

hes cunty

his dynamic w dazai i find very compelling too. like yes they bicker and yes they fight and yes they “hate” each other (they don’t) but they also trust each other with their lives and have left them in each other’s hands too many times to count. it shows u the depth of both their bond but also the characters individually. they’re not entirely self sufficient.. they can obviously take care of themselves but they’re at their best when working togegher. i thinkt hats cool. FREINDSHIP IS MAGIC!!1! no but it shows u that even the strongest people arent at their best until theyre able to connect. not that dazai and chuuya have a model relationship at all… but there’s trust there. and that’s enough

hes hot

he makes me so viscerally and upsettingly sad

dog motifs. ok hear me OUT i’m SORRY but tbh the title was what got me interested in bsd in the first place. everyone is a stray in this show and i like that very much. i love characters that are LOYAL to a FAULT. i love characters with gnashing teeth and wagging tails. i love characters that hold so tight onto things their hands hurt and they end up causing them to flee. that “everything i’ve ever loved has claw marks on it”??? yeah give me that shit i will eat it up EVERY TIME. i love characters that are blinded by their senses of duty, not in the way that they’d do anything whoever they’re loyal to asks of them (though that is a nice dynamic too, i don’t think that’s as Chuuya ™️ as the other i’m talking about), but in the way that they’d lay down their life without a second thought (or caring about how those people see them). a dog that is beat may bite but but but it will still have its duty. even if it hates it. (<- see also AKUTAGAWA akutagawa is the reigning champion of dog motifery that is probably why i love him so much. but that is akutagawa. and i’m talkign about chuuya so im gonna dhut up now) ) i like characters with Three Betrayals COUGH COUGH COU💥💥💥💥ogh mymgod scafamocuhe 3 betrayals chuuya flags sheep dazai Im HOWLIFJG someone KILL ME NEOW ok thay doesnt make aense i just thought it was funny. anywa

fanbs fanbs* FANGS idc if they’re fake

thanks for comign ti my ted talk 🙏 i may add more later. but i didn’t want to. talk. too much. um. i think that’s out the window though

[twinkskeletons]

Hello!

I don’t think we’ve ever personally interacted before (I’ll probably send this as anon), but I follow you, and I’ve been seeing some of your recent posts on my dash!

Not sure how appropriate this actually is, since we’re complete strangers, but, like I said, I’ve been seeing some of your posts that mention, y’know, suicidal ideation & thoughts of/references to self-harm. (Pls keep reading: I’m not like, yelling at you or anything 😭)

I don’t know how you feel right now, nor do I know if this alone will help you feel any better, but you’re not alone (which, I know, from experience, can sound like bullshit or like it doesn’t matter), but really what that means is that other people have felt the way you do, and they’ve lived (that doesn’t mean they’re better than you, it means there’s hope for things to get so much better for you). I’m not gonna pretend you don’t know that suicide is an ending, not a solution, because I figure you know that. I have no idea what’s going on in your life, and it probably doesn’t mean much coming from a stranger on the Internet, but every human life has an intrinsic value, yours included. You matter, deeply. Even if you don’t feel that way (again, I don’t know how you feel, and, since we’re strangers, I’m doing some guesswork based off of personal experience here, sorry!!)

However you’re feeling right now (even if you’ve felt it for a while), I’ll say what everybody says (because despite it all, it is true): life will get better. It can feel like you’re spiraling out of control, or like everything is off balance, or like you’re completely alone and battling everything by yourself, but it won’t always be like that. People care about other people. It’s how shit works. With that, people do care about you. And they should! Which means that people can be there for you when you’re suffering, if you’re able to clue them in as to how you’re doing.

I don’t mean to offend you, or cause you any further harm, but, if you’re able to, I sincerely recommend reaching out to a friend or somebody you trust or love or care about regarding how you’re doing. I know it’s terrifying to do that for so many reasons, and I don’t have all the answers as to how to make that any less terrifying, but I will say this: If I were to find out somebody I loved and cared about (or even just kinda knew) was dealing with something along the lines of thoughts of or patterns of self harm or suicidal ideation, I’d want to know, if only because I wouldn’t want them to suffer in silence, or feel like they were alone.

If you already have talked to somebody and it hasn’t gone over well - sometimes that happens. But (excuse this example, hopefully you’ll appreciate it rather than hate it) Thomas the tank engine didn’t get up that hill by giving it just one go (I have no clue if that was a good analogy for this…)

I just mean, like, idk. I’ve been in what i imagine to be your place before (the whole nine yards), and I’ve had friends who’ve both been suicidal, had suicidal ideation, and actually passed away by way of suicide, and it’s devastating no matter what. Because they matter to me so much. And you matter. A lot. So please try to ask for help. A support system, no matter how small, can go a long way.

The cherry on top for me is that you run a really cool blog, and I’d love for you to keep kicking around. You seem like a pretty awesome stranger to me.

Keep yourself safe! Long live the car crash hearts, and all that (idk if that was cringey, but hopefully you appreciate it)!

wow thank u.. this is the closest i’ve felt to being cared about in a long time.. i do wish i had someone to talk to my dad says i can tell him anything and he loves me but it always feels hollow because i know it isn’t really true and if i told him the reason i’ve been depressed for close to a decade he’d go straight to my mother and they will both do everything in their power to kill me faster.. my closest human relationship is probably with the counsellor i saw once and due to the waiting list i cant see him again til next year.. i don’t have friends irl or online no one really enjoys talking to me which i get i’m not good at it + this is so lame sorry. thanks for this it’s really appreciated <3

[zabimarushoney67]

Heyy! I love your work and I wanted to request izuru kira from bleach hurt/comfort 💦❌️ cause it's a drought with the emo boy kira community.

Hey doll! :) I’m sorry this took so long I hope you’re still here but yes absolutely you got it! We love emo baby boy Kira around these parts 💖 I turned on my emo playlist just to set the mood for this 😭 Kira is a Mayday Parade fan all the way you can’t change my mind.

🌸Melancholy Boy🌸

NSFW!💦MDI!⚠️ANGST!❌

-Summary: After the betrayal of Aizen, with Gin and Tosen in tow life has been very stressful for the rest of us in the Gotei 13. Izuru, your boyfriend of 3 years has recently taken charge of his division. With so much more responsibility falling on his shoulders his attention towards you, and your relationship has been thrown to the side, treated like an option. At first you understood but it’s been 1 month since the attack and he can barely look in your direction, let alone hold an open conversation with you. It’s left you feeling empty and alone, not knowing how to talk to him about it, is making it difficult for a resolution to come about. Will your relationship come back together or fall to the wayside? How can it be fixed?

Word count: A LOT sorry not sorry this request got the better of me emo boys are my weakness 😭

-Warnings: Mentions of mental health/symptoms of MH (depression, anxiety), deep emotions, acknowledgment, healthy relationships, strong language, and dirty writing. Penetration!vaginal s3x. Praise k!nk, Overstimulation. Master!Sir!Daddy! k!nk. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT 18+ NSFW.

-Authors notes: woo! this was a doozy, I didn’t mean for this to be so long but I’m happy it turned out the way it did, I purposely didn’t write much about body shape (weight, height, eye/skin color etc. leaving just (c) for color for those things just for readers so y’all could insert your own body.) we’re here for smut after all 🤷🏽‍♀️ let me know if you liked this or not, reposts and likes go a long way 💖 I hope you enjoyed it otherwise! Thank you for the requests in advance :)

🌸The clouded morning sun, peaks through the sheer white curtains of your bedroom window, illuminating the dark room a pale grey. Outside, it rains softly, the drops gently pattering on the rooftop and falling down the glass window pane. It's been heavy and gloomy around the Seireitei the last few weeks following the attack of Aizen, and his group of traitors. No one saw it coming, we were taken by complete surprise and since then it seems that the clouds have yet to disperse. Y/N yawns and stretches along her side of the bed and with her left hand, feeling around the opposite side of the soft top sheet, only to find a cold empty spot next to her. “What time is it?..” she says quietly to herself as she rolls over to the alarm clock on Izuru's side, 10:39 AM the digital clock reads. “He must’ve left pretty early this morning.” she mentions sadly.

After waking and rubbing the sleep from her eyes, y/n wandered into her usual morning routine of brushing her hair, and teeth, as she decided to put on more clothing than just one of Izurus T-shirts and her black flower lace panties, choosing to just throw on her grey, comfy cotton shorts under the shirt, and some cute fuzzy pink socks as she headed downstairs into the kitchen to find something to munch on. “What to do with so much time off, when normally you're so busy?..” she questions as she ruffles through the cupboards for a granola bar and a bowl of cereal. With everything that’s happened in The Soul Society, it felt almost selfish that she requested time off for her well-being. The familiar sound of her phone vibrating on the kitchen counter catching her attention, the phone screen lighting up to a sweet picture of you and Izuru. A simpler time, it seems now. Izuru’s arm hooked around your neck, both of you smiling big underneath one of your favorite sakura trees in all of the Seireitei. It’s been your background for months and it still manages to make you smile, every time your phone lights up.

Two unread messages from: Babe❤️ read the brightly lit screen. ‘Hm Izuru.. usually he’s too busy to message me during his shifts. I hope everything is ok.’ y/n ponders as she swipes open her phone to read the two messages.

11:09 AM

🌸 “When you wake up, could you throw my laundry in the dryer for me?”

11:11 AM

🌸 “I'll be home early tonight, can you have the house clean, and dinner ready.”

‘Who does he think he's talking to??… first of all I’m on vacation? Or so I thought. Secondly, not even a good morning? A “hey how are you? Sorry, I left you home alone all last night and all morning.”... Not even a please or a thank you?..’ y/n scoffs taking a deep breath already feeling the frustration mounting, because this has been a usual thing for Kira lately. ‘He asks me to do chores around the house and asks me to run errands for him all the time, yet never does it for me, let alone thanks me for the things that I do..’ her brain couldn’t stop thinking now. It hasn’t exactly been stress and tension free between you and Izuru the last few weeks, with his added stress of taking on the duties of both Lieutenant and Captain of Squad 3 and trying to keep his squad under control, you understood why he would be grumpier than usual, tense, and tired and you've been trying to put in extra effort to keep your relationship above water. But it seems as time goes on, Izuru is falling behind you. He hasn't been the same, since Gin left. He treats you differently now, It's becoming tiring trying to figure him out. ‘What am I going to do..’ y/n sighs deeply, the weight on her shoulders returning heavier than before. She bothers not to text him back and places her phone face down on the counter. With her face in her hands, the morning has now shifted down a dark road y/n had tried desperately to stay out of, ‘I’m exhausted too Izuru.. It would be nice if you could also see that I'm struggling... Hurting. Just as much as you are.’ She shakes her head, and runs her delicate fingers through her soft (c) hair.

The Soul Society, your relationship, your home everything seems to be so out of balance now. You can’t help but feel anger and resentment towards those back stabbing cowards. Life was good before all of this easy, and routinely. Your relationship with Izuru was in such a good place, you had so many plans, you were happy. Because of this betrayal everything is changing, The Seireitei has become a much more serious place now, with everyone on edge.

With a full belly, fresh coffee brewed and made exactly how Y/N likes it, it was best for her to take the rest of the morning to relax and find something to entertain herself. ‘Chores’ needed to wait. It seems that’s all she does now, even when she’s on duty patrolling with her own squad someone is always sending y/n to do the most tedious stuff, or even when she’s on a mission in the world of the living, so many things to do… and never enough time to do it all it seems. Taking her warm coffee mug, and her phone into the cozy living space you and Izuru set up together. She curls up on the couch with her favorite blanket and a few couch pillows and sipped her morning coffee while she flipped through shows and streaming services, before finally settling on lighting some incense, turning on and listening to her favorite playlist, and reading a book instead. With the rain still falling gently outside the soft droplets making a ‘tap, tap tap, tap’ on the living room windows, hours had gone by, y/n fully losing and immersing herself in her dark, fictional world through the crisp pages, while the haunting lyrics of Don’t You Dare Forget the Sun danced around the fragrant, dimly lit room.

4:45 PM

Y/Ns phone buzzes once more. Another message from Izuru. “What does he want now?..” she remarks quietly and quickly snaps out of her book and back into reality as she sees her phone light up with one unopened message from: Babe❤️ on the screen.

🌸 “ Hey, I’m gonna be home at 5 tonight. I hope you’ve had a good day today.”

Taken by complete surprise that Izuru finally, and actually acknowledged her this time around, y/n unlocks her phone and replies:

🌸 “okay, see you then.”

🌸 “I Love you.”

Y/N places her phone back down on the couch, not responding further and gets up to lightly pick up and organize the house, and throws Izuru’s clothes into the dryer for him. Opting out of making dinner, and calling for take out instead. She climbs back into her spot stretched out on the couch and throws on a show to kill off the last minutes of Izuru’s disappearance. You’ve missed him all day, you admit to yourself. Wishing and hoping that he’s in a good enough mood to spend some time together tonight. Sighing and hugging a pillow you sink into your couch and drown out anymore of those pestering thoughts with a ridiculous anime on the living room TV.

5:15 PM

The front doorknob wiggles and clanks with the sound of Izuru’s house keys working the lock to get into the house. Y/N sits up from her nest on the couch and looks to the door as Izuru comes in, back facing you, sighing softly as he sets his zanpakto next to yours, and his other gear next to the front door. He sheds his shihakusho right there leaving him shirtless, his hakama loosely held in place by his belt. “Hey..” you say softly “how was your day..?” Izuru comes around the couch and plops down heavily on the cushion next to you, he smelled of fresh rain, fire smoke, sweat, and a hint of his usual warm vanilla musk cologne, such a interesting and heady combination that fills your nostrils, you can’t help but breathe in deeply a few times savoring his scent.

While rubbing the back of his neck and stretching out his legs, his feet in front of him, “It was alright…” he responded dryly, not saying much else about it, he relaxes into the couch with his head laying on the back cushion, eyes closed. “Is dinner ready? I’m starving.” He remarks to you. “I ordered take out, cooking just sounded like to much work tonight.. it should be here soon.” Izuru looks at you with hooded and tired blue eyes, the bags underneath them visible even in the dim living room light. Izuru places his warm rough hand on your thigh and gives it a loving squeeze, you can feel how thick his callouses have become as his hand laid upon your soft skin, thumb stroking comforting lines back and forth, Izuru lays his head back onto the couch cushion and breathes quietly and steadily. The weather outside, was growing more intense as the night progressed. Dark clouds swirled over the house, as a storm was approaching for the night.

The silence was deafening, all that you could hear was the soft noise from the TV, Izuru’s breathing, and your loud thumping heartbeat in your ears. It has never been this hard for you and Izuru to relate to each other, the tension y/n felt in the room was suffocating and almost unbearable, after all he was your best friend, and it was so hard to see him so beaten down, quiet, and distant. Your eyes gazed, studying Izuru’s form. He’s gotten a lot stronger, leaner, his abs even in a relaxed state we’re chiseled and defined, rising slowly with each inhale and exhale. His collarbones were peaking out shyly under his neck, his forearms have grown in size, the veins bulging out at his wrist and up to his elbow. The harsh training was paying off, despite him coming home exhausted and drained every night… ‘mmmph… wow, he looks so fucking yummy. Maybe he’ll want to…’ you think impulsively, reactively almost, sending shockwaves down your spine into the depths of your belly, giving you goosebumps down your neck. It has been awhile since you’ve got to feel.. all of Izuru. Biting your lower lip as your eyes wandered lower to his soft light blonde happy trail from his belly button to his belt, you gently place your hand over his and give it a gentle squeeze, shooing away those shivers, and incredible memories of sex with Izuru away from your brain.

5:40 PM

There was a ring of the doorbell and a gentle knock at the front door, signifying that take out had finally arrived. “I’ll get it..” Izuru says as he releases your hand and gets up from his seat, gently patting your head as he heads to the front door. He pays for the food and tips the delivery driver and takes the food to the coffee table before heading to the kitchen for plates, silverware, and two cold beers for you and him.

You guys ate in silence together, focusing on eating rather than socializing and watching TV. Once finished Izuru takes your plates, and empty beer bottles to the kitchen. Y/N cleans up whatever leftovers there were, and brings them to the fridge to put them away. In the kitchen, you see Izuru washing the 3 day dish pile up in the sink, feeling kind of bad that you had all day to do them but didn’t. Usually you guys tackled all the chores together, and the house was always spotless. Over the last few weeks, the mess slowly started to accumulate as your schedules got busier and you and Izuru spent less and less time at home. Y/N slinks up behind Izuru and wraps her arms around his waist and kisses his skin softly over and over, laying her warm cheek on his strong back. “Thank you for doing the dishes.” Y/N says appreciatively, “It’s my home too, I’m almost finished here.” He says placing the last few dishes in the dish rack to dry “I’m gonna jump in the shower.” Izuru says coldly as he drys his hands and walks out of the kitchen, not saying anything else leaving y/n standing there alone under the iridescent light. ‘..Oh, I’m sorry for bothering you’ y/ns mind sinks in the mud, as she walks to the couch heart feeling heavier than ever, after the exchange.

6:49PM

Standing in front of the steam covered mirror, towel wrapped neatly around his hips, Izuru leans over the sink, wet hair dripping on the counter and into the sink as he takes a deep breath of the humid air and breathes out slowly. ‘I have yet another busy and early day tomorrow..‘ Izuru’s mind has been so clogged, with all the events over the last few weeks he can barely think straight most of the time. Burned out and detached was all he could really feel as he tried searching his mind for a semblance of calm. Izuru sighs deeply and closes his eyes as memories of Gin, and that day replay in his mind like it happened yesterday, making his head ache. He wipes away the steam from the mirror and finishes his nightly ritual with haste. Leaving the upstairs bathroom, steam rolling out behind him as he walks to your shared bedroom, not bothering to close the door behind him to dress. He hears a faint sniffling coming from the living room that he soon drowns out, believing it’s just the show on the TV playing. He dries off and throws on black boxer briefs and green plaid pajama pants and walks downstairs to the living room, squeezing out the water in his hair with his towel on the way.

6:55 PM

Upon arrival, he notices the TV is off and y/n is sitting on the couch wiping her eyes and nose with his shirt, shuddering breaths as she tries to self soothe. “Hey, whats the matter?” Izuru says worriedly and approaches y/n from behind placing his towel over the back of the couch and crouching down in front of her. “… nothing.” Y/N says, biting her tongue and choosing to be silent in order not to put any more problems on Izuru’s shoulders. “Well that’s a lie. Your eyes are red and puffy and you’re sniffling. I’m not stupid you know?…” “C’mon, you can tell me.” Izuru coos as he cups y/n face gently and strokes her cheeks with his thumbs. Y/N whimpers softly as tears well up in her big (c) eyes and spill over, rolling down her cheeks once more, the dam in her heart breaking down completely as she sobbed hard into Izuru’s hands. “I m-miss y-yo-you. S-s-so much..” she choked out in between sobs and sniffles. “You’re always gone now and I’m always alone, you didn’t come home till late last night and you were gone this morning and I’m always doin stuff with never enough time, a-a-and, and, and..” she rambled on, not evening knowing what to say through all the pain she felt in her throat and chest. “Woah.. hey, y/n.. it’s alright don’t cry.” Izuru said in attempts to calm you down, wiping your tears away and brushing your hair out of your eyes and behind your ear. “Use your words, it’s okay y/n.” He reassures you in a gentle tone.

Taking a deep but broken breath, y/n closes her eyes and takes his hands off her face. “.. things just have not been the same babe, I feel like I’m the only one who wants this relationship anymore… I do everything I can and… I still feel less than, like I don’t matter.” Y/N says quietly, avoiding his gaze. Thunder outside booms, as the rain started to fall heavy this time. The wind blew hard against the house making it creak in rebellion. “Today.. or everyday really, feels like so much. I just don’t know how to keep going anymore.. I want you home again. I just want things to go back to normal.” Y/N says sadly, looking down. Izuru looking very concerned as he takes a seat close to you and wraps his arms around you and holds you close to his chest. “Oh babe…” “I’m sorry..” Izuru responds, sounding defeated “I’m sorry y/n, really I am. I’ve been so lost in myself and my duties I didn’t even see… or begin to realize how badly you were suffering through all this.” He acknowledges and squeezes you hard, making you cry some more into his chest. Izuru lays his head on top of yours and rubs your arms, as he felt you cry into him. Breathing in his clean manly scent slowly but surely calmed you down, the sobs turning into sniffles and eventually silence as you relaxed deeply into Izuru’s chest, hearing his heart beat steadily.

After sitting like this awhile, the rain continuing to fall outside. Y/N breaks free from his arms, “We’re gonna be okay? Right?” Y/N whispers, looking directly into Izuru’s deep blue eyes “We’re gonna be okay baby, don’t worry about a thing. I love you so much, more then you realize, I’m sorry I haven’t been expressing that to you like you deserve lately.” “I’ll do better, I promise you.” Izuru leans in and kisses you hard, lips locking in place as he places his hand on your neck deepening the kiss, a soft moan escapes your mouth that is easily dissolved by Izuru and the sudden passion that was taking over the energy between the two of you. Suddenly the room started to feel hot, your body temperature rising as those earlier thoughts of Izuru’s strong hands caressing your body, and his body weight pushing his hard cock into your tight slippery hole flood back into your mind, instinctively your hands cup his face as you let your tongue slip into Izuru’s mouth, accepting you willingly he groans as your tongues play together, twisting around each other, saliva mixing as wet kissing noises started to fill the quiet living room.

Izuru’s hands glide down from your neck to your waist as he pulls you on to his lap so you’re straddling his thighs, pushing you into his groin as you feel his cock stir awake underneath your butt. Y/N leans onto his chest, her breast perching on his muscled chest and kisses Izuru deeply, biting at his lower lip and tugging it gently before releasing it and looking at Izuru’s red blushed face “I love you Izuru, so much.” She says before grabbing his face and pulling him back into a sloppy make out session. Grinding her hips against Izuru’s thighs, encouraging his dick to get harder in his boxers to make a tent big enough to grind her throbbing wet slit against. Y/N moans into Izuru’s mouth as she feels his cock twitch hard against her core. “I’ve missed you.. I miss this..” y/n says breathlessly “Miss what?” Izuru says before grabbing y/n wrists with his hands and pushes her into the couch cushions laying over top of her, keeping her wrists in place, pinning her hips against his uncomfortably hard cock. Y/N whimpers underneath him, biting her lip and looking up at Izuru’s smoldering expression, “I can’t hear you kitten.” Izuru says in a serious tone, all aspects of playfulness disappearing. “I.. I miss sirs big cock inside..” she says shyly, “inside where?” Izuru demands, grinding his hips against your aching core grunting as the fabric between you and him gives zero to no relief to his throbbing cock but enough friction that he keeps grinding his hips, heavy precum dripping from his head making his boxers a mess. He’s missed you just as much as you him, he’s come to realize as pleasure rips through his body thinking about sinking his fingers inside your dripping wet core. “Inside.. my greedy pussy sir.” Y/N says innocently as she tries to hide her face in her arm, embarrassed and blushed pink.

Izuru grabs your chin with his free hand and turns your face towards his, forcing you to look up at him. He places his thumb over your soft lips pushing gently wanting you to take it in your mouth. Y/N parts her lips and takes his thumb in her warm wet mouth and sucks softly, causing Izuru to groan his knees almost buckling at the sight “you’re so goddamn sexy, baby.” he says biting his lip as he looks down at how cute you look going into your sub space for him so quickly. ‘God look at you.. your eyes are still red and puffy… but they’re sparkling so preciously at me.. her soft pink lips swollen from our intense kisses. Fuck she’s so gorgeous, how can I be so stupid?… this woman is gonna be the death of me, and I’m okay with that.’ Izuru notes in his brain, as he releases your wrists, pulls his thumb out of your mouth and moves his hands to the hem of your (his) shirt, undressing you quickly exposing your breasts and nipples to the cold living room air. Your nipples perk up immediately as the cold air wraps around your upper body, Izuru then fumbles around with the cute little bow you tied in your shorts strings to remove your shorts, his eyes eating you up and drinking you in like you were his salvation, his rapture. His eyes gazed down your body, mesmerized completely until he saw your panties. “Isn’t this the pair I got for you on our first anniversary?” He questioned raising his eyebrow at you as he lightly traced the little flowers with his fingers and over your dripping cunt. Putting pressure over your clit through the fabric, as he waited for you to answer. Y/N yelps cutely as his expert fingers gently toy with her pussy through the fabric, her hands resting on her tummy “yes sir… they’re my favorite pair.” She replies and smiles up at Izuru. “You’ve always looked so cute in them.” He mentions sweetly, and he beams back at you. “I’m trying to get inside them though..” he says darkly, smile vanishing as he pulls them down the length of your thighs, over your calves with no remorse.

Completely naked now, and feeling a little exposed y/n giggles as she watches Izuru fumble out of his own clothing, piling them on the floor with everything else. His hard cock finally free and out in the open, ‘when was the last time I’ve seen him completely naked?..hmm he really is a god amongst men. I’m so fucking lucky.’ y/n thinks distractedly, eating Izuru alive with her eyes. Looking him up and down in all his glory, his strong body now fully exposed to her, blushing deeply as her eyes can’t stop glancing at his perfect cock. Slightly curved upwards, deep pink head with pre coating his slit, naturally ribbed with veins running down his shaft and up his V line. ‘Trimmed too?.. fuck. So you thought about it too then huh?’ Y/n noted as she looked up his body, eyes resting on his perfect ass and muscular back.

Finished undressing, Izuru climbs back onto the cramped couch with you, ringing his arms around your thighs pulling you harshly down so his face was level with your pussy. The sudden movement makes y/n gasp in surprise, rocking her back into the present moment from her dreamy headspace. “I wanna show you just how much I love you tonight.. I’ve missed you so much baby.” He coos softly up at you. The scene you were presented with… Izuru’s beautiful face looking up at you from between your soft plush thighs was tantalizing enough, you bite your lip and thread your hands and fingers through his hair pushing it out and away from his face, so he could get to work. Without breaking eye contact, Izuru unwraps one arm and uses his fingers to spread your wet folds apart, the other arm flexing and jerking your leg open to keep it in place. He breathes you in deeply and kisses both your inner thighs repeatedly, then each lip, before he takes your whole slit into his mouth sucking and licking every last bit of your pussy. His tongue digging into your hole as he begins to eat you out. Izuru sucks and gently tugs on your clit with his lips, your juices dripping down his mouth and onto the couch, ‘god she tastes so heavenly…’ Izuru moans appreciatively at your flavor. Sweet, with a little tanginess bringing him forward into complete bliss, Izuru closes his eyes and savors every last drop of you, sucking and licking you up like a melting popsicle. Y/N moans out loud and pushes Izuru’s face deeper into her core grinding her hips against his face and fervent mouth. “Unnnghh.. that’s so fucking good daddy don’t st-st-stop.” Y/N says unashamedly as she tugs at his soft blonde hair hard causing Izuru to groan against her swollen lips, the vibrations being sent directly to her belly and hips as she felt that familiar warm sensation creeping up her legs. “You’re gonna make me fucking c-cum, fuck!” Y/N moans wildly and throws her head back as her orgasm grows closer to snapping at any moment, with the continued movements of Izuru’s swirling wet tongue.

Taking the fingers he was using to spread your labia, he slides the two fingers inside your dripping pussy, while he moves them at a steady pace and puts the exact right amount of pressure on your spongey gspot, with that he could feel the exact moment your orgasm ripped through your whole body. “Oh my GOD!! IZURUUUU YES!” Y/N screams and cums so hard she squirts all over Izuru’s mouth and chest, desperately trying to escape his arms to no avail. The couch now completely soaked in y/n’s juices, with his fingers still inside he continues to play with your spot pushing up and towards him faster and faster while he speeds up the movement of his tongue, flicking over your sensitive and throbbing clit. Overstimulating y/n was one of Izuru’s favorite pastimes, the way she squirms and begs for him to stop his assault on her clit, turns him on so much he unknowingly started to grind his cock into the couch for even just a little relief. Izuru looks up at you with your pussy still in his mouth and finger fucks you until your 2nd orgasm starts to slowly rewind in your belly. Y/N releases Izuru’s hair after cumming and lays back panting hard, legs shaking and body still involuntarily jerking because of Izuru still toying and playing with your slit. “Baby pleaseeee..” y/n begs longingly “I need you inside me now, sir.” “Getting demanding now are we babe?” Izuru quirks playfully, releasing you from his hold because he too was getting eager now, he admitted to himself.

After finishing his (2nd) meal, Izuru sits up on his knees and wipes his mouth with the back his hand. His cock is red and swollen now from the lack of stimulation. Trying to sit up to return the favor y/n is suddenly pushed back into position against the couch by Izuru, he places himself in between your legs, his big hands ride up the back of your thighs as he pushes your knees up to your shoulders putting you in a fetal like position. Izuru grabs the base of his hard cock and pushes his head into your throughly eaten hole, but just the head. “You just lay down and look real pretty while I drill this tight little pussy just the way you like it babe..” he says cooly. Inch by Inch he slowly sinks himself into your depths, impossible to hold his moans back, and feeling how wet you are for him “f-ffuuuuckkk baby… you’re so sweet and tight for me.” Izuru’s shutters, his face softening as he praises you and bottoms out, his full balls resting on your ass. Y/N gasps at the sheer girth of him, Izuru’s cock fits so perfectly inside of you like it was made just for you, each rib of his cock filling and rubbing your walls so good. Izuru stretches your legs out so they’re resting on his shoulders, he leans forward so your pinned underneath his body. His cock going impossibly deeper into you, causing breathy moans to break from your lips. “Ohhh.. Izuru baby, you feel so goooood..” y/n says feeling all of him inside her now, “I haven’t even started yet love.” He chuckles and smiles down at you, before he pulls out and slams back into your pussy, hard. Y/N yelps out, loudly this time and covers her mouth with her hand, eyebrows furrowing at the sudden movement. “Don’t do that..” Izuru huffs as he removes your hand from your mouth, “let me here you scream for daddy.” He says as he really starts to move, his cock ramming into you over and over, relentlessly. Izuru throws his head back and groans loudly as he finds a comfortable rhythm to fuck you too. “God your pussy is so fucking perfect… I miss feeling all of you baby..” he says to you in a forced but hushed tone, trying hard not to cum so soon. “I want to be in you forever.” Izuru claims and pushes your legs to his waist so he can get as close to you as he can, his face instinctively going to the crook of your neck breathing you in. His left hand coming up to cup your soft boob, rubbing and playing with your sensitive nipple while he moved his hips at a slower pace, in hopes this would help him last. His orgasm approaching quicker than he’d like.

The storm was still raging on outside, thunder rolling and lightning flashing through the small slit in the living room curtains. The rain weltering against the windows hard. The scary weather outside was not gonna stop either of you from your current festivities. Y/N wraps her legs around Izuru’s hips as he fills her up, his balls slapping noisily against her butt. So much passion filled the space around and between you and him, no thoughts were processed and no words were spoken just gasps and moans filled the room. He felt so good inside of you. With his warm, heavy body laying against yours. His long slender fingers toying with your sensitive nipple and his breath ragged against your ear, moaning at the feeling of your slick, and creamy pussy sucking him in hungrily. Izuru’s head had begun to spin, as his balls tightened up signaling he was about to cum. Y/Ns soft hands roamed Izuru’s strong back feeling his muscles rippling underneath her palms before settling on his chiseled shoulders. “I don’t.. don’t think I’m gonna last.. much longer. Gonna fucking c-cum.” Izuru pants against you. His cock started to twitch inside, pushing up against your sensitive spot causing y/n to cry out loudly, tears pricking the edge of her eyes. Hearing him speak such things to you tonight was sending you completely over the edge, but that.. what he just said that was the last puzzle piece you needed that sent you straight into your next orgasm. Y/N cry’s loudly as her 2nd orgasm takes over her body like a freight train. Cumming harder the second time than the first, gushing even more all over Izuru’s cock and body. The squeezing and pulsing around his cock did Izuru in, his face contorting with pure bliss, he moans loudly before pulling out and shooting his warm load all of your stomach and breasts, grunting with each shot and thrusting his cock in his fist as he held on through his orgasm, the strong waves rolling through his entire body, leaving him shuttering and shaking. Completely spent now, his cock going soft as he sat there panting and sweaty. Izuru looks down at you, a complete mess covered in your mixed fluids, fucked dumb, panting, and shiny with sweat just like him. He smiles at you with blushed cheeks “you looks so beautiful baby..” he states as he climbs from the now bodily fluid soaked couch giving you room to sit up and recompose yourself. “Let me go and run us a shower babe, wait here.” He says before disappearing upstairs to restart the shower he had already taken.

10:45 PM

Before getting a chance to come downstairs to get you, y/n appears at the bathroom doorway reaching for the hand towel to clean herself up quickly before stepping into the shower with Izuru. Izuru turns away from the shower and sees y/n wiping herself down, stepping towards her and wrapping his arms around her and kissing her shoulders, upper back, and neck, giving her a tight squeeze from behind. “I love you so much y/n. Please never forget that, I’m always gonna be yours.” Izuru says against her chilled skin kissing between each word. “Cmon let’s get you cleaned up.” He says before taking a hand in yours and leading you to the now warm shower. Rinsing you down and washing your body gently, kissing your soft, clean skin, and face repeatedly. After the shower y/n brushes her teeth and hair and dresses in a loose fitted shirt, cotton pink panties yawning her way into the warm bed next to Izuru, who lazily wraps the comforter and his long arms around you and pulls you into his chest. “I’ll bring you the sun, moon, and stars someday my love. Goodnight, beautiful…” he promises sleepily before dozing off soundly. Y/N curled up against his chest, warm, and exhausted hearing his words resonate soundly in her skull ‘sun, moon, and stars huh.. I really am so lucky to have you, Izuru Kira, my melancholy boy. I’m glad to have you back.’ Y/N smiles as she thinks to herself, nuzzling closer to Izuru before dozing off into a deep sleep tangled up in the arms and legs of her lover boy. With the storm outside coming to an end, the residual drops from the rooftop gently tapping against the glass window pane, the night sky clearing and the moonlight shining bright through the curtains, over the gently sleeping forms, of both y/n and Izuru..

End..🌸💕

🌸BLEACH REQUESTS ARE OPEN🌸

— Thanks for reading! I had so much fun writing this 💕I hope this is similar to what you wanted. lmk if not, I’ll take all the constructive criticism I can get to help me get better at writing 🥺

[gothsuguru]

hi hi! you can ignore this but i was really curious about your writing process?? you just write so well and i’m curious to see how your work starts from an idea all the way to the finished product!!!

the way my jaw DROPPED rn like omfg are you talking to ME??? I’M SHOOK PLEASE YOU ARE WAY TOO KIND AND SO GENEROUS 😭 my writing sucks ASS but thank you SO much you’re so sweet <333 i can try & let you know my process but tbh baby i do NOT have one 😭 but i’ll try to think of something 😭 also i’ll try to be as thorough/concise as possible but i’m sorry if i tangent! ALSO this’ll be long bc i’m a yapper so forgive me <3

1) everyone is different but in my case i have a tendency to ALWAYS think of new ideas for writing (at least for geto!) find a character that you can consistently think of ideas for bc they’ll serve as practice! also i JUST started writing a month or two ago so i, myself, am STILL practicing with every fic & i am always willing to learn!

most importantly, i write based off my whim! whatever idea has me in its clutches is the idea i’m writing for, even if that means i’m leaving other fic ideas in the dust at the moment! i recommend creating a list of fic ideas and save it as a draft (can be a wip list or literally just a random list depending on how many ideas you have!) — for those i tend to jot down random dialogue, vibes i wanna express, plot points i really wanna show, the personality of geto or reader, & whatever randomly comes to mind pertaining to that fic! i write it all down!

2) it honestly changes between fic to fic but i recommend asking for requests in the beginning — even writing just ONE thing will give you practice/an idea! so here are some examples of what i’ve written so far:

- the first thing i wrote was a request for suguru being obsessed w satoru’s girlfriend. the way i started that fic was thinking of the feeling that suguru would ultimately feel which was “guilt, shame, & desire.” and then i… personified? each thing! at first i personified guilt as an arachnid crawling in suguru’s throat but it didn’t work as well for me… and then i thought, “how about a serpent?” and it flowed much better -> slithering down his throat, embedding his fangs into his flesh leaving it raw, mangled, & bloody -> roaming across his heart/ribcage. and for that, and this may sound silly but i SWEAR by it, look up SYNONYMS for words on google! “dances along his bones -> pirouetting across his bones” i think little nods like that can help you not sound too similar all the time or like you’re constantly repeating yourself! shame was expressed in alcohol (amber whiskey ties into his amber eyes as well) & desire was expressed within the flicker of a lighter reader gave him which he holds in his hands (he imagines the cold metal as reader’s hands, which he ends up holding in his warm ones at the end)

- second fic “black is the color of my true love’s hair” was my first time writing a fic and that was because i wanted to write something for v-day & i really love this song! music can be a great inspiration — same w song lyrics! but for that one i had a few ideas i KNEW i wanted to use (knuckle kisses, stargazing, depressive suguru who reader gives a bath to/has a heart to heart with, and reader making a scrapbook for suguru!) he may be ooc but also i’m not afraid of making suguru be soft and quirky, i think that makes him fun! have FUN w different facets of your favorite characters personalities! also personally, i hate when readers don’t have personality/are always too shy/can’t banter/are too serious so i try to make my readers have a personality that align w the fic!

now for the knuckle kisses i knew what i wanted to do and i think that part came pretty easy! just a bit of revising as i was writing so i could be more descriptive in certain areas, change my wording around so it’d be less clunky in others! stargazing idea was incredibly hard & so was the scrapbook… so here’s advice i have for you that SAVED my ass. now. if you just wrote random writing in your drafts, whether it was just stream of consciousness that has nothing to do with the fic or was just a random piece of dialogue you jotted down — DO NOT DELETE IT. two parts of my fics were from RANDOM writing i wrote that had NOTHING to do w a romance fic and with a BIT of tweaking it gave so many ideas/serviced my story perfectly!

ex: i had zero idea of how to start the stargazing part so i just wrote the part i knew i wanted, which would’ve been in the middle of the story! aka reader buying the star for suguru and him being Shook To The Core. i was wondering how the hell i think of the events leading up to that, and one day i randomly just wrote “you zig-zag around the counter like a bumbling fawn” bc i was brainstorming ideas for the fic but was like… this has no place in my story BUT i didn’t delete it i just kept the draft. THEN i was like… wait this can work… so i used it as my beginning to the stargazing section and it flowed wonderfully! same w the scrapbook section! i wrote a series of dialogue that i ACTUALLY intended to use in an angst where reader despises suguru in their relationship, but with a bit of tweaking and deleting parts of reader being apathetic and suguru being toxic, it ended up being a great series of showing suguru’s overthinking nature/his genuine love for reader!

also maybe i do this unintentionally but i usually have a focus into suguru’s thought processes more in my fics… maybe bc i’m just curious abt him more than anything LMAO so that can be useful i think! if you’re like wow i have no idea how to write for my reader, write for suguru!

- third story was a request (shoutout bestie rem 🤝🤭) who gave such a cool idea of twisted suguru watching reader grieve him for leaving. now it wasn’t an actual haunting bc reader & geto are both alive, but i still used words of that nature to express them haunting e/o’s thoughts (mourning, ghost, corporeal phantom, living rigor-mortis etc…) the first thing i wrote for this fic was “prostrate yourself” — a tie-in to cult leader geto & also his confusing feelings about/towards reader. i also wanted to show bleakness so i mentioned suguru likening himself to a plague & a calamity. also don’t be afraid to show the ugly parts of a character — suguru is a bit callous in this but he’s still human and has a push & pull w/in himself! this fic i really tried my hardest to do a “show not tell” for certain paragraphs (bc i personally have trouble with that/dialogue/imagery/descriptions/engaging writing) — so i would constantly go into my “writing tips” tag and try and heed the advice they give!

sorry i don’t think i was of much help bc honestly i do NOT have a process 😭 even when writing my current fic about curator!geto — i just outlined OOOOOH WAIT OKAY HOLD ON YUP MIDTHOUGHT AND NOW I’M JUST PROPERLY ANSWERING YOUR QUESTION 😭

BITCHXHXHBXBX I FORGOT. OUTLINE!!!!!!! THAT’S WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR THIS WHOLE TIME AND I WAS JUST YAPPING AWAY FOR NO REASON I’M SOOOOOOOOOO SORRY OMFGGGGGGG OKAY SO 😭

curator!geto is the FIRST time i’m PROPERLY outlining a fic (so actually i didn’t do anything wrong pleek don’t beat my ass for yapping 😪) so basically since this is the first time i’m outlining i made sure to write the premise of the fic, characters & their jobs, their personalities, their place of work/interactions/relationships there and then also how they would meet! so i wrote how i wanted suguru & reader to meet, a few pieces of random dialogue, and then i also wrote about how they would later on be more romantic (in what way). i’m currently trying to think of a conflict and just now thought of an idea that i may or may not use but i wrote it down anyways! and this is the first fic where i’m properly paying attention to “show not tell” and trying to describe words/paragraphs with more imagery! (esp since it’s an artsy/visual fic!) tbh the “writing tips” tag on my blog will help you more than anything i can say 😭

also! i recommend looking up writing tips and also reading a bunch of fics that you like! my mutuals have some of the BEST fics i have EVER read and reading them is honestly a masterclass in itself of amazing writing/prose/how to flow a story wonderfully! i’m just a beginner so i have lots to learn still about fic-writing BUT just think of each fic as a stepping stone to getting better! write, post, but don’t overwhelm yourself/force yourself to finish a fic you have no ideas for. it’s okay if it takes time but also remember that it won’t ever be perfect so don’t let “perfectionism” stop you from posting your fics! someone will always read it — whether they rb, like, comment, or are a silent reader — someone will take the time out of their day to read your fic! and honestly don’t get caught up on numbers! i’m soooooo thankful that people read my fics & leave tags even if i think my writing sucks! it’s all in good fun at the end of the day! enjoy it however you can and i’m sure you yourself are an amazing writer! good luck bestie! <3

[cherryeol04]

Sorry! Not a request or anything but a part of me really wanted to see what’ll happen if y/n never chose to come back to the pack in taking control around chapter 8 i think?

I’d love to see your own little what if scenario, like maybe y/n slowly getting emotionless to the point where they dont want to move. Her wolf slowing down and only wanting to sleep in all day, kinda like listless

Just a little thought cause your stories got me hooked up!! And thank you!

OMG Anon! You’re the worst for even putting this thought in my head! But I mean….since you asked…hehe 😏

So in order for Y/n to not have gone back to the pack, I actually went back all the way to chapter 3 of Losing Control. And I think I made Y/n just a little more broken than in the original story. I honestly absolutely hate myself for writing this! Ahhhh!!! 😭 😢

Let’s all take a moment and be glad that instead of this timeline, we have the original one!

Hope you enjoy the little drabble, my love!

TW: This is very sad and has heavily references to depression and loss of the will to live. If this is triggering to anyone, please skip it! Remember that your mental health is important! You are loved!

The pain you were feeling was worse than the last time you had left the pack. At least last time, it had been your choice. Not that you had wanted to leave them to begin with, but you had thought it had been the right thing to do. You had been the problem. This time was different. It wasn’t you that was the problem, but they all seemed to think it was. The way they stared at you - the hatred gleaming in their eyes, piercing your soul. It was something you probably would never forget.

You had honestly thought everything had been fixed. You were a part of the pack and bonding with everyone. There was so much love. But it seemed like you had been deceived. Everything you thought was real was nothing but a lie, because if they actually care for you then they wouldn’t have tossed you away so easily. It didn’t matter if Jisung was dying or not! You don’t just kick out someone you claimed to care about! A person that others put countless hours into making feel comfortable - going so far as to create a nesting room for them as well. This wasn’t how you were supposed to be treated!

And yet here you were, alone in a dark alleyway. No home, no money; just a bag with the little belongings that you owned and even then you couldn’t say they were yours. Sure, they had been given to you, but they weren’t yours. You had nothing that was truly yours. In a little less than a year you had lost your family, friends and now the only other place you could call home. As cliche as it sounded, it felt like the world was against you. Your happiness meant nothing to anyone and you were destined to just be alone.

It was probably best you were alone. As much as your wolf howled in protest, pacing anxiously, you knew it was true. Because you didn’t want to put yourself out there again to be hurt. As the saying goes “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

Shame on me…

As day turned to night, you wandered the backstreets of the city that once was so warm and inviting, but now was a cold, cruel barren wasteland to you. You managed to find a decent looking group of people with a barrel fire that you could stay with to keep warm. It would have to be your home for now. Until you could find something better. If you could find something better.

Days turned to weeks, weeks to months and with each passing tick of the clock, you felt more and more mentally drained. Your optimism diminished quickly and left in its wake numbness. You stayed with the group all that time, occasionally scrounging for food to help pull your weight, but the more you thought back on your life and what it could be if only Chan and the other’s had actually loved you, the more hopeless you felt, to the point that sleeping on the grimy floor no longer bothered you. Instead, you laid there, listless - eyes seeing but not registering. You couldn’t feel the rest of your body and it felt almost as if you were floating.

You were just existing.

Your wolf had long since given up trying to motivate you to get up and go back to the pack. Its cries for Jisung finally dying out. In fact, your wolf had been silent for days now, motionless. A part of you wondered if it was possible to kill it. It seemed impossible, as it was an extension of you. It was who you were, a shifter. But what was a shifter without a pack? Or without a will to live at the very least?

Nothing.

You were nothing and they had proven that you.

As you closed your eyes, perhaps for the final time, you couldn’t help but hope that Jisung survived his attack and the pack was happy and healthy. Because while they may wish ill upon you, you only wanted the best for them. Because you still loved them.

You would always love them.

[dailycaligura]

do you have some headcanons for caligura’s and domek’s dynamic? it’s a very interesting pairing!!

Hey hello, ok first of all, sorry if that sounds bitchy or whatever, but they not a pairing, they’re friends!!😭😭

Sorry if you mean it in like overall them being duo, just wanted to clarify things. I always write about them like brotp, where all that come from…I once posted on main in bunch of sketches one joke that may view them in that way but that was joke lol. Okay whatever, that’s the internet, if someone wants to see them that way there nothing I can do, that my fault solely anyways, I decided to post art with them after all, eh.

And now to the question - YES I do!! And quite a lot, but I don’t want to turn this answer to an essay, so just gonna write the basis.

First of all, where the fuck do I even get the idea? And no it’s not just because they both my favorite characters and I decided to think about their dynamic, it’s more connected to canon. So basically I just saw that Marina’s monologue about how much of a dick Domek was and I just immediately thought about how much that sounds like Caligura, like daaamn. Here’s the dialogue itself:

If Caligura wouldn’t be like that it will be absolutely fucking disappointing and awful, Miro do him justice I beg you.

So yeah it pretty much started my idea of them being besties, they work just as two absolute despicable human being getting along because of how cruel and amoral they are, but of course I have more rooted in headcanons thing where they have muuuch more parallels. Btw I have no idea how to do that read more thing so yeah, that shit will be long sorry. So here’s my ton shit of headcanons hope you enjoy it or at least don’t die from cringe ((:

At the time I get the idea of they’re dynamic I already had full Caligura backstory in head, so when I was doing the Domek’s one I just parallel some things and add the priest part, so they’re childhood are pretty much similar, even though it was in absolute different decorations. They both from absolute unloving families, they’re fathers only saw them as someone to do the purpose of his own/family doing, they only care to make them much needed image, no more no less. But they’re mothers was awful by different reasons, Caligura’s one was really young when she had him, only 18 or 19, and before that she was always just sitting home lying in bed because of some chronic disease, she never had normal socialization, friends and of course boyfriends, so relationships with Caligura’s father was obviously not really pleasing to her. Also she was absolutely annoyed by that his fixation of making that little brat some sort of perfection that he was always seeking, so just like a spoiled child she was ruining his doings as much as she can, it ended up in Caligura becoming hysterical crybaby with awfully shattered psychic, but then things happened, they became practically homeless and after dad killed mom and he killed dad he ended up in orphanage yeah. Domek at other hand have pretty mature mom, but she really hated the fact that she been married into that God forsaken family of fucked up fanatics, she had none ties with his father and obviously he was most of the time in church anyways, so from all that unfair and depressing situation she started drinking and became pretty much alcoholic. So basically most of the time she just been drinking and hating on homeschooled son, she despised him just by the fact he’s from that family, but when the alcoholic evaporated she starts to feel lonely and starts to hate on son that he’s not love her enough, that’s all lasted until his twenty’s, then he finally changes the generation officially by killing dad and mom, even though to kill her was pretty heartbreaking because somehow he still loved her lol. Pretty much as Caligura, he preferred to remember his mom as someone who actually cared about him and not as she really was(she hugged him when she felt lonely and didn’t have his dad by hand, guess that at least something).

So yeah basically they both have really fucked up mommy issues, that already pretty uniting haha. Well about they’re later life there not that much to write, thank God, they both was pretty much not choosing what to do, Domek had the dynasty thing and Caligura never goes even to school and didn’t have any home after turning 18 and going out of orphanage, the only choice to him, at least he saw it as only one, was going into criminal world, of corse they both have a way to run away from seemingly the only available path, but they just decided that “Nah, I can handle this”(spoiler they not, at least not entirely). So basically years after years they became who they are in Termina timeline, fucked up aggressive bastards that’s being hated or frightened by others, no more no less. And now I’m finally ending with backstory’s and going to the dynamic itself, fucking finally, but that info dump was important to understanding I’m telling ya!!

First of all, no matter who I write I always remember one thing - no matter how much of a bastard that character he still is a human being with emotions, frights and weaknesses, except the characters that, well, not humans by the definition haha. And in these guys case this is pretty much main thing, the seem absolutely unapproachable, cold and distant, deprived of any positive emotions and even kinds feels like psychopaths, it looks like they just isn’t able to inner self reflect, minutes of weakness and just being down, but, unfortunately to them, they’re not. Most of the time they being alone so they have a plenty of time to be that pathetic bastards that they are without any eyes to see it, but they also have that shit that turned out a feature to them that called having problem to express they emotions, it really helpful in they’re work! Every Caligura emotion is coloured with rage in some degree, even if it’s positive one or just pure sadness, he expresses everything with aggression, noise and all that shit, while Domek, thanks to always bothering him mother, usually ignores everything and being completely lost in his own thoughts, but if there anything worth to emote about he will also colour it with aggression. Btw it also worth mention that of cites they still can be just calm, it’s just about them usually having only range between calm state and absolute fucking rage. Now about self reflection, they are are pretty much able to do it, but it only adds to the problem, Domek prefers to see himself as the main victim of everything and ignores anyone other problems, so he just drowned in the ocean of self pity and depression, while Caligura prefers to just not think by spending time with alcohol, drugs, noisy surroundings and some whores of course, enything in order to not stay alone with his own thoughts, but even he need some break from all of these, at least for the health sake God damn it, and these times it became really sad. In short just how always that everyone and everything hatred and despise coming from deep rooted self hatred, what else here to do if you understand how pathetic and awful you are, but there no way to change it, or even if there it’s just too dangerous to take and they have things to lose at the point. But of course they’re self hatred not based on them understanding how bad they are by common human morales, of course not, they have image of themselves in their heads and they really struggle to meet that image, mostly because of not being completely unemotional, they still have things that they can’t do because of that and they reaaally hate it. So yeah they have a lot in common, and thanks to that they are able to connect with each other, they have enough experience of perception what other people are without having too much of talking with the person in question, so they can feel that they understanding each other without that much of a talking itself, which they really hate. They prefer to ignore most of they’re feelings that is not suits they’re image of themselves, and also they really arrogant fuckers so yeah all that talking about feelings really not they’re style.

Ugh damn I’m again mostly write just the parallels of them and not really their dynamic, sorry I’m really easy to go other direction when writing such things (‘:, anyways now REALLY to their fucking dynamic. In short I’d describe it with the minus on munis gives plus, they both inhumane bastards that with the help of each other able to find that little pieces of humanity they have. They don’t care about others, don’t empathize them in any ways, just see everyone as tools to reach they’re goal and don’t give a single fuck about price of human life, they’re awfully egocentric, sees they own opinions as only the right one, they goals much worthy above others and etc etc…but they making exceptions for each other in that. They have a lot things they’re thoughts are matches on, and just as much where they disagree witch each other, but instead of aggressively proves they own point they’re able to listen to each other and maybe even accept the other thought, of course the chance of them changing they own mind is critically low, but just the fact they can tolerate each other opinions is really a lot.

But they will never openly show that they actually value each other, they both have some authority and power after all, and also have a lot of trust issues, emotions issues and all that shit, so just accept and express how they feel about each other feels to them like something absolutely inappropriate, it’s just can’t happen. Of course in the context of festival they can be more okay with that since they not really someone in power anymore lol, but if thinking about them in the context of how things usually goes they’d have some more professional like tone, usually having discussions about everything for hours, drinking some wine and maybe playing chess, rarely going to the personal things and even if they are then they or drunk as fuck or hints that the other might help with the issue. I mean mafia here have ties with church and since Prehevil looks like separate and independent diocese from Vatican there might be a chance that they would want someone from mafia to have some talking done with the Prehevillian church, they might be pretty closed community but still they doing religion work wrong so yeah(btw is anyone ever think how politically funny that the child of active head of Prehevil church, that is independent community pursing they own way of priesthood, having an invitation from the fucking Ministry of Darkness itself to continue occult studies in the Vatican? It’s like Catholics will send their child to Protestant or Orthodox Sunday school, what the fuck dude? Maybe I don’t understand the things correctly but that kinda looks like that lol). At this example Caligura might talk to the church heads of Vatican to recommend some things in the favor of Domek, while Domek can lend some of his priests to help Caligura in the business with magic shit, so yeah their friendship is pretty useful to each other on the professional level, but the fact they also genuinely goes along on the personal level makes their relationships even better and stronger.

But that about them knowing each other for the pretty short time span, on year or two after they’re met they’d go in that state of when they together they became dumb as fuck, Caligura would say some stupid shit to find out, usually about some magic or ritual practices, and Domek without any hesitation and time to think be like yeah let’s find out. Caligura since the first day of their meeting was teasing him and being sarcastic, making fun of him and just genuinely annoying him, Domek just ignoring it or trying to answer taunt with the taunt, but it’s obviously not as good as Caligura’s one, but on that longer time of span he’d master the art of mockery of that fucker and sometimes they’re conversation just turns into taunts exchange, which rarely ends well because at this point they’re able to hurt each others feelings for real lol.

So yeah they’re create pretty much strong and trustful alliance even in short time of knowing each other, and with years after years it becomes only stronger, which is really bad to everyone surrounding them, with having actual friend and some on his side any part of that duo will became even more awful and cruel to others in order to reach they’re goals. But of course they’re friendship is not perfect, there nothing in they’re life that can be that lol, they would be scared of just the fact the can value someone, that they care and might think in the favor of other and not only themselves, I mean heck imagine being absolutely alone and hated for all your life and now bam there’s someone who may like you, what the hell is to do about that!! They’re too old to just risk established things of their behavior in the favor of some chance to have normal human relationships, so yeah they might good work from the start and even trust each other, but it’s more because of seeing similar to they’re behavior in other, which means they can understand what they want from each other, but the actual appreciation would come only if they saw the signs of that from the other, so yeaah things are complex, but I think just a few dialogues about politics, religion, philosophy or whatever and that would be easier to them.

Ok I’ll fucking stop there because it’s already fucking a lot and I barely have time before my classes will start lol. So yeah no doodle for the past day ugh, try to do two today. Also I don’t reread the text before posting because, again, I barely have any free time left, hope there not that much of stupid ass grammatical mistakes, but still sorry in advance.

Thanks for question btw yeah, love writing some long ass posts, even though it’s not that easy since English is not my native language haha.