#sorry this is a bit of a rant that i needed to exorcise from my system

[itsbebebrainrotting]

Actually I wanna talk about this more:

I love the british comedy scene, and comedy as an art in general. I was raised around my parents watching british panel shows and sitcoms and I still watch a lot of them to this day. While I dont really watch live shows and open mics (mainly because its only been the last few years that I was old enough to), I want to start.

Ever since Tommy said he was falling in love with stand up, Ive been excited because he seemed so passionate about it. I think it was Fern Brady he mentioned seeing at the Edinburgh Fringe on Shut Up Im Talking and I was so happy because I also find her really funny.

Anyway, a few months ago I got to see a talk about the importance of the arts by Marcus Brigstocke, a household name British comedian. The audience he was speaking to was primarily very young (very gen z and not at all his usual audience) so one of the things he emphasised was that if we had the money we should watch live comedy to support comedians rather than just the edited clips from stand up routines that make their way onto youtube shorts and tiktok. In fact, when asked over fears of AI, he pointed out that liveshows are a huge way to support artists in music, acting and comedy that are not ai.

All this to say, when tommy announced the tour and said he was going to do stand up for half of it, I was seated. I wanted to see what tommyinnit stand up looked like in real life. But then I saw how far away the shows were and I hesitated.

What actually made me make up my mind was this from his music video:

"Yeah I know it's too much like bo burnham. It won't be in a year thought. In a year it will be like Tom Simons. Just let me figure out what that means, OK?"

I've been knowing bo burnham is a huge inspiration in comedy for Tommy. Its fully obvious that the song segment of the lunchly video and this song were very bo burnham inspired. But what hes clearly saying here is that soon he wants this (the comedy and comedy songs) to be his own thing. The way he says "I know it's too much like bo burnham" feels very self aware, even self conscious to me (without trying to psychoanalyze too much). It feels like hes reassuring the viewer that hes not just copying this bigger comedian but trying to find his own thing.

I am really happy and excited to see where Tommy goes with comedy and I want him to figure what comedy that is "like Tom Simons" looks like. And the idea of supporting that journey, financially or whatever, feels very rewarding.

In other news i have firmly decided to ask for survival tour tickets on my christmas list :))

[adelheidvonschicksal]

I could do a scenario where reader loves to mess with megumi's hair, but suddenly she stops because she thinks she's bothering him.

The first time you notice how soft his hair is was when you were returning to school after a long mission.

You were riding in a car with the entire first-year gang. Nobara sat in the front seat next to Ijichi while you were placed in the back between Yuji and Megumi. The ride back was a long one. After an exhausting day of exorcising curses, you were all tired. Nobara and Yuji ended up falling asleep minutes into the ride, leaving Megumi to watch the sights passing through the window and you shyly trying to make conversation with him.

It's hard considering the strong crush you have on your fellow classmate. He was intelligent, kinder than he really let on, and fairly mature (at least compared to the people you’re usually around). His good looks were the cherry on top of the entire package. Everyone knew Megumi was a pretty boy and often teased him about it. He had fair skin, long, thick eyelashes, and your favorite being his dark hair. It looked so soft whenever your teacher would pat his head, flattening out the black tresses and ruffling them, much to Megumi’s chagrin. But you really wished you could feel as well.

You were the type of person to show your fondness for others through touch. Some people liked it, and some didn’t. For example, Yuji normally had no problem with you touching him, even welcomed it. You weren’t brave enough to ask someone like Megumi for the same sort of relationship, so you kept your hand to yourself when it came to him. At least until Megumi fell asleep, leaning against the car door for support. It’s then you saw your chance and carefully reached to touch one of the longer spikes.

The little black point wavered at your poking, lightly curling around your index finger as you swirled it around. You giggled to yourself about it. It’s thicker and fluffier than you imagined and also incredibly soft, proving Kugisaki’s theory about a ton of hairspray wrong.

Suddenly, a bump in the road cut your touching short, and you quickly jumped away when Megumi’s eyes began to flutter open.

Suspicious, he asked, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” you said calmly despite your heart thumping under his gaze, but he dropped his interrogation as you all pulled into the school’s parking lot.

That was three months ago.

Now, the two of you were dating, and you saw that as permission to continue your physical intimacy with your more introverted boyfriend.

“Good morning, guys,” you greet your classmates and teacher with a wave, saving your happier actions for Megumi as your hand immediately goes towards his head to ruffle his hair. You pull your hand away but not before letting your fingers clasp your favorite cowlick. Giving a gentle tug, you let it bounce back into place with a smile.

Megumi groans softly, his mouth pursed into a slight frown as he goes to fix his hair back into its normal disarray.

Gojo claps, bringing your attention towards him. “Well now that everyone’s here, let’s go shopping.”

With that, the five of you head to the shopping district despite the heat bearing down on the city. You spend about an hour walking around before deciding to take a break so Nobara and Gojo can catch their breath in the shade while you return some clothes you bought a few weeks earlier across the street. Megumi and Yuji go to buy all five of you drinks, but it isn’t long before you hear Yuji yelling from outside the store.

“Sensei! Kugisaki! Fushiguro is getting hit on! We have to protect (L/Name)’s relationship!”

Before you could even stop them, they’re already up and running in Fushiguro’s direction. Sighing, you grab your card from the store owner and run to catch up with your group.

When you arrive, Kugisaki and Itadori are already clinging to him and ranting something about being in love with him before Gojo saunters up in his best casual wear to challenge them. You have to stifle back a laugh as he goes on about music practice and homewrecking before the event ends with Megumi smacking Yuji in the head as Nobara and Gojo stalk off, defeated.

Hearing your laughter, Yuji cowers behind you with tearful chibi eyes. “Do you see that, (Name)? Fushiguro is so mean. I was only trying to help him and that's the treatment I get .”

“You didn’t help at all. You were nothing short of embarrassing.”

You giggle at the two before reaching out to your silently fuming boyfriend. “No need to be so grumpy, Megumi-kun, or did Gojo give you too much violin homework,” you sing out teasingly, earning a growl about how it isn’t funny as you playfully scramble his hairstyle.

“And that! Will you stop with that?” Megumi demands and forcefully shoves your hand away. “It’s so annoying. You don’t see me petting you all day like some damn pet.”

“Oh,” you say, stepping back from him in your shock. This is the first time Megumi has brought up how you chose to dote on him. Yes, he’d quietly grumble about it from time to time like most things, but he never yelled at you about how you chose to display your affection. You guess you never really realized how much it truly bothered him. Biting back the hurt in your voice, you apologize. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

Megumi grunts softly in response, and Yuji decides it’s probably best to ask Gojo to take you all home for today.

It isn’t long after that Megumi begins to notice your interactions with him starting to change. He apologized for yelling at you soon after the event, but you were still much less touchy with him even after accepting his apology.

Normally, you’d grab onto his hand without so much as asking or surprise him with kisses on his cheek. Now, you only hold his pinky from time to time and only if he asks. You also stop your go-to of rubbing his head when you’d greet him or playing with the ends of his hair when you were bored.

Megumi thought maybe something was bothering you, but then he noticed how you’d still laugh and joke around with Yuji and Nobara, your hand gripping onto their shoulder when they’d tell an extra funny joke or affectionately patting them on the back. That wasn’t the worst though. The worst was when you’d absentmindedly sweep Yuji’s hair back into place when it got messy from training. The jealousy it sparked in Megumi was the last straw that makes him decide to ask you what was wrong.

You’re surprised when he tugs on your sleeve, interrupting your conversation with Itadori and Kugisaki. “Hey, can we talk?”

“Sure,” you say, nodding off to Itadori and Kugisaki before following Megumi to the waterspouts outside. You both sat together on the brick square surrounding the structure. It’s a few quiet seconds of you staring at Megumi as he folds his hands in front of him and lazily taps his foot. Dark blue eyes stare at you before dropping back to the ground.

“Are you still mad at me for yelling at you the other week?”

You shake your head. “I told you it’s fine. I’m not mad at you about that.”

“Then, it’s something else,” he decides, and he desperately tries to rack his brain for what else he could have possibly done wrong, “I’m sure I didn’t forget your birthday or anything. Do you not like me anymore or something?”

Gasping, you deny his claim, “Of course I like you, why would you think I don’t?”

“Because you’re not so friendly with me anymore like the way you are with the others, so either you’re upset with me, or you don’t have the same feelings for me as you do with them.”

“It’s neither of those things. With Yuji and Nobara, they’re both sociable people, but you aren’t like them. You don’t like all that kind of stuff, and I don’t want to annoy you by doing things you don’t like.”

Megumi scowls at your confession, sighing because he remembers exactly why you must be talking like this so suddenly. He specifically called your touches annoying, and he inwardly curses at himself for it. “You’re wrong. It’s not that I don’t like it…” he begins unsurely then pauses.

“Then, what?”

Megumi groans softly, an embarrassed heat starting to build in his cheeks as he quietly croaks out, “Feels good.”

“What’s that?” you ask, scooting closer so you can hear him better.

Megumi blushes lightly and cranks his head to look away from your cutely confused blinking. “It feels good when you do it,” he repeats robotically.

“When I do what?”

“When you play with my hair,” he hesitantly explains in more detail, “When Gojo does it, it’s aggravating, but I don't mind so much with you.”

Hesitantly, you ask, “So is it okay if I do it now?”

Megumi nods. “If you want.”

Cautiously, you lift your hand, pulling back in doubt a few times before ultimately sliding your fingers through his hair and rubbing. Megumi groans softly at your touch, and you realize that all those rushed noises of aggravation were actually him moaning from how light and comforting your touch was. You move your hand forward and backward some more, massaging his head until his head starts nodding and his eyes flutter a bit.

You giggle at him. “Are you falling asleep? You’re such a kid.”

“This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you.”

You laugh louder as he scoffs to hide his embarrassment.

“In that case, you can sleepover with me tonight, and we can do this if you want,” you offer sweetly, and Megumi glances at you, thinking it over. As your smile grows and your hand hits that sweet spot right at the nape of his neck, he couldn’t deny that he liked the idea of falling asleep with you playing with his hair.

“I’d like that.”

[silversatoru]

Hi, I just finished burdens and OML 🥺🥺🥺

May I request some sort of megumi x reader continuous where the reader ends up becoming a powerful sorcerer (or a cursed spirit👀 whichever you’d like tbh) megumi and the reader somehow cross paths again a little while after the break up and he witnesses her fighting for the first time? I just know that boy would fall in love all over again but she’s moved on and he feels guilty and just angst? And maybe fluff idk. I’m new to requests so I hope I did this right, thank you so much❤️❤️

burdens pt. 2

a/n: hello, part two of this not-so-lovely story is finally here. every single one of you is allowed one free punch to my face for taking so long to write it,,, i’m so sorry. this is its fourth rewrite and it got a little darker than expected but it’s finally done,, i hope you enjoy <3

fushiguro megumi x f!reader

synopsis: you finally see megumi again at the kyoto sister school goodwill event

tags/warnings: angst, some graphic depictions of violence, character death

word count: 3k

“Do you know how tired I am of watching the people I love die? Things would be so much easier for me if you just stayed the fuck away”.

Megumi’s bitter words were on repeat in your head — the harshness of his voice leaving a hollow feeling carved into your chest. Tear-stained cheeks and shaky breathes had become your new normal these past few days. Tight, sharp pains filled your empty stomach, waves of nausea coursing through your body.

You’ve had no motivation to get out of bed lately, nevermind to shower or cook yourself a proper meal — honestly, for all you cared you could rot away in your blanket filled bed. You checked your phone like a fiend too, thinking that eventually, a miraculous text from Megumi would appear and make everything better. It never did.

He’d completely ghosted you since that dreadful day, and that hurt more than anything. You’d held onto a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, he hadn't meant what he said. But as the days continued to pass, your hope quickly dwindled.

To say your current state was shameful was putting it lightly, and you were embarrassed at how poorly this was effecting you. You liked to think that you were strong, motivated, independent — that you didn't need some douchebag just to feel happy. But truth be told, breakups are fucking hard, and it's okay to not be okay for a while — or at least that's what you kept telling yourself.

So when you were trudging miserably down the street to your local convenience store and you saw a familiar pair of jujutsu sorcerers, you wanted desperately to sink into the ground. You made a quick turn to head to a different shop, but it was too late, you were spotted.

“y/n! hey!” Two lighthearted voices sang through the air, filling your ears and making your heart clench in your chest.

You turned around and anxiously approached them, your unkempt hair and baggy eyes sending looks of concern across their faces.

“Hey girl, you good?” Nobara shot you a sideways glance, Maki raising a suspicious eyebrow.

“Yeah, uh, ice cream,” You croaked, speaking for the first time in a couple days, “I’m here for ice cream, that’s all”.

“Yeah, but why do you look like a fucking zombie?” Maki pushed her eyeglasses further up her nose, her sharp eyes looking you up and down.

“Ah, he didn’t say anything to you guys, did he?” You shook your head, heavy eyes falling to ground as you refused to meet theirs.

“Don’t tell me…” Nobara’s face contorted, “Did he break up with you?”

You nodded, a pitiful chuckle falling from your lips, because if you didn’t laugh, you’d start sobbing right now.

Maki threw her arm around your shoulder, pulling you to her side and ushering you into the store, “It’s okay, men suck. Hang out with us today”.

Meanwhile, Nobara trailed quickly behind the two of you, anger seething from her teeth and steam practically billowing out of her ears.

“That fuckhead! I swear I’ll fuck his shit up big time, he won’t even know what fucking hit him. I knew that boy was stupid but shit, this is a whole new low for him! I-,” She continued to ramble and rant as Maki led you through the store, picking out drinks and snacks to help ease your pain.

The three of you ended up in a nearby park, sitting around a small picnic table and gorging on the massive array of snacks. Lighthearted conversation and lots of food make your chest ache a little less, and you even found yourself laughing and chatting as if things were normal. You’d told the two of them all about that day, about Megumi’s irrational words and his tragic breakdown that led to some kind of fucked-up break up sex.

“So, how are we gonna get back at him? Egg his car? Put bleach in his shampoo? Bugs in his food? God - it’s a shame his dad is dead because from the pictures I’ve seen that man was FINE and revenge sex—,”

“Nobara,” Maki shot her idiot girlfriend a dirty look, and the orange-haired girl quickly shut her mouth, “As much as I support any idea that revolves around ruining a man’s day, I don’t think revenge is the healthiest coping strategy here”.

You were tracing your eyes around Maki’s face as she spoke, and you found yourself carefully inspecting her purple glasses that rested softly on the bridge of her nose. And that’s when it clicked, the light bulb ignited in your head and you knew exactly what you wanted to do.

“Maki,” your voice was urgent, “You don’t have cursed energy, you can’t even see them without your glasses!”

Her face twisted and her nose scrunched, a look of distaste in her eyes, “I know?”

“So, you could teach me, right? You could help me learn how to use some cursed weapons?”

“Yeah! You have to Maki, then she can beat his ass with me,” Nobara chimed in.

“That’s not a bad idea actually,” Maki’s mouth formed an evil grin, “Could you imagine his face after watching you exorcise a curse?”

The three of your conversed for a bit longer, speculating and potting about training, weapons, and your very own pair of curse-seeing glasses. By the end of the night you had a plan, and a pretty good one if you say so yourself.

From that day on, teary eyes and achy hearts were a thing of the past, not because it was that easy to get over Megumi, but because Maki didn’t even allow you the time to feel dismal anymore. You met her everyday after classes without fail, and everyday she would train you until you thought your arms would fall off. After months and months of sore muscles, sweat, and the occasional injury, you were convinced that Maki was incapable of feeling pity or remorse for other living things. Every time you speculated about quitting, she’d set a fire under you, unafraid to remind you how weak you still were.

The green-haired sorcerer had ultimately decided that you worked best dual-armed -- a long, lightweight blade in each hand. On your final day of training, she officially gifted the two swords to you, as a “graduation” gift.

Skill-wise, you were by no means as incredible Maki, but you definitely held your own, and the progress you’d made in a mere 8 months was astronomical. They’d introduced you to a strange silver-haired man at some point, Gojo, who had taken not only an interest in you but also your plot against your ex-boyfriend. He cackled to himself when you told him why you were here, going on and on about how priceless Megumi’s face would be when he saw you.

Your appearance was highly anticipated, so why not debut at one of the biggest jujutsu events all year? The Kyoto Sister School Goodwill Event — Gojo thought it was the most perfect idea.

You tried hard to exude confidence as you walked at Nobara and Maki’s sides, but behind your arrogant facade your stomach was twisting itself into knots. Truthfully, you were scared to see Megumi again after so long.

And when your eyes met with his as you walked into the meeting room, you thought you just might pass out. You thought you were ready for this — but the look of complete shock, fear, and anger on his face as he looked you up and down almost made you regret all of it.

“What’s going on?” Megumi’s words were incredibly calculated, an edge on his voice.

His question was pointless, however, because judging by the fact that you were wearing a jujutsu tech uniform and had two swords sheathed at your sides could only mean one thing. Your hair was longer now too, and your frame was wider with an extra layer of muscle from all the training — you almost looked like a different person.

“I’ve been training with Maki, I-,” You spoke up to explain yourself, but you weren’t even granted the opportunity.

“No, no, Maki, what the hell did you do?” His eyes were shaky and laced with concern.

“I only did what she asked me to. I’m not the one who gave her a complex about being weak, you did that,” Maki shrugged, “and she’s not your girlfriend anymore dude, what do you care?”

Absolute confliction flashed through his eyes, uncertainty and madness swirling in his irises, “You’re right, I don’t care. Let me know when the event is starting”.

He took a sharp turn out of the room and let the door slam a little too hard behind him. The sound of his icey voice and the door shutting with unkind force was all too reminiscent of the night you broke up. Burying every emotion you had deep into your stomach you gave Maki a small, reassuring smile and plopped down on one of the couches.

“Alright, so when does this thing start?”

after the start of the event

Fighting the Kyoto students was proving to be much harder than you initially expected, but you were holding your own at Maki’s side. The two of you had easily taken down a small, kind, blue haired girl named Miwa, and now you were watching an emotional battle between Maki and her sister unfold.

Wait here, she’d told you, I want to do this one myself. Take some notes on my form and watch our backs, okay?

Okay, you’d said, a little confused but ultimately finding a nice spot up in a thick tree to carefully observe from. Maki was truly a force of nature, and it seemed like the other girl never actually had a chance of winning. It was honestly only a few minutes before the small black, haired girl was slumped against a tree and Maki was making her way back to you. Things were looking good, two of Kyoto’s student’s were down already and adrenaline was pumping through your veins.

You couldn't quite shake the awful feeling churning in your stomach though, and Megumi’s face was haunting your thoughts. You hadn’t seen him since before the event started, when an odd, pink haired boy jumped out of a box and freaked everyone out. Nobara had later explained who he was and what had happened, and you wondered how many awful surprises Gojo had planned today -- first you, then that.

A small rumble rippled under your feet, and Maki grabbed your arm as you watched a giant brown vine lurch it’s way out of the ground a few hundred yards in the distance.

“That technique doesn’t belong to anyone from Kyoto,” She shot you a look of concern and determination, “let’s go check it out”.

You gave her a firm nod, the two of you making your way towards the horrifying wooden vines. By the time you managed to arrive, Inumaki was already down and so was a dark-haired boy from Kyoto. A muscular, white curse with black markings and wooden branches for eyes was moments away from taking Megumi on all by himself — thank god you got here in time to help.

Megumi, however, was horrified when he saw you jump over the tall roofed building with Maki at your side. He’d just watched two incredible sorcerers get their shit rocked by this curse, there was no way you would stand a chance against this thing. But before he could even try to stop you, you and the green-haired sorcerer were flying through the air and taking shots at the curse. The two of you worked perfectly in sync, the months of daily training finally paying off.

He watched with intent glazed over his eyes, his heart threatening to lurch up his throat. You were a spectacle, and he always thought you were beautiful but seeing you now with dirt and blood stained clothes, cursed weapons gripped firmly in your hands, you truly were ethereal. He hated it though, he hated that he was falling in love with you all over again, especially under these circumstances. Guilt and anxiety was eating away at him — why did you have to get involved? Why couldn’t you have just stayed away like he told you to?

He was quick to join the two of you, sticking close to your side to protect you if need be — but, even with all three of you together the curse still had the upper hand. Maki had been swatted to the side, her back slamming hard against one of the tiled roofs and knocking her unconscious. It was down to just the two of you now, beads of sweat causing your hair to uncomfortably stick to the back of your neck. This was something that Maki’s training could have never prepared you for.

Megumi was getting tired, taking one wrong step and losing his footing momentarily. The curse saw this as a perfect window of opportunity, sending a spiral of vines and branches hurling for Megumi. It was fast, but the adrenaline coursing through you helped you to move faster, launching yourself through the air and intercepting the attack. The barky, wooden vines twisted violently through your stomach, shooting clean through your back and ripping a violent scream from your throat.

It hurt so bad, feeling the plant wriggle through your organs and tear you apart from the inside out. The curse retracted his vine a few moments later, leaving your mangled body to fall helplessly to the roof. Tears rippled from your eyes, your body shaking and seizing as you coughed up a few sprays of blood.

A long, strong pair of arms scooped you up instantaneously, and your head was resting against a firm chest — probably Megumi, but you didn’t quite have the energy to open your eyes to check.

“We’ll take it from here, get her to Ieiri!” You heard a pair of deep voices yelling to Megumi, but it was too foggy and far away for you to understand what they were saying.

Megumi was seething with anger, moving as fast as his feet could carry him and he ran through the school. As you waved in and out of consciousness, you batted open your eyes, stealing quick glances at his twisted features and — were those tears on his face?

“I- I’m sorry Megumi… I think I finally understand what you were so afraid of all this time,” Your voice was barely a croak, “when I saw it coming, I couldn’t stomach the thought of having to watch you die. I suddenly just thought I would do anything to keep you safe”.

Yeah, those were definitely tears, you could see them a little clearer now. His eyes were red and his cheeks were dried with salty streaks.

“You’re so thick-headed,” he mumbled, his grip around you tightening slightly as he picked up his pace, “I wish you would have made that realization before there was a giant hole in your stomach”.

“Me too,” You hummed, but you weren’t really in any pain anymore. The pain had subdued to a sweet warm sensation inside your stomach, and an intoxicating sleepiness was washing over your head, “I was angry for a long time, but I’m not mad at you anymore, Gumi. I hope you can forgive me too”.

You offered him a tiny smile, but the blood leaking from between you keeps made it anything but sweet.

“There’s nothing to forgive you for, you never did anything wrong,” He spoke quickly, his voice quiet and cracking.

“No, but we’re not gonna make it to Ieiri, I know that and so do you,” You fell into a violent fit of coughs again, sputtering red splatters all over the front of his uniform.

“Shut up”.

“It’s not your fault, none of it was ever your fault,” you choked out once the fit of coughs subsided — and you weren’t just talking about yourself, you were talking about all of the unfortunate tragedies he’d witnessed throughout this life.

“And you’re allowed to be selfish sometimes, you know? I hope that when you meet someone, your soulmate even, you can allow yourself to love them with every part of you”.

The words painfully left your lips, but you meant every single one of them. You were starting to realize that you and Megumi were never meant to make it to the end. You weren’t his soulmate, you were here to help him grow, so that when he did finally meet them he’d be ready.

“You deserve to be loved, Megumi,” You looked up at him with big eyes, but his face was starting to get really fuzzy now.

Your fingers were going numb and your mouth felt like it was filled with sand. You were so tired, letting your eyes flutter shut and your head rest softly against Megumi’s chest. You felt him stop running, you could even hear him screaming at you — but it was too far away for you to hear. You drifted closer and closer to eternal sleep, your soul swollen with love for the boy who broke your heart.

Megumi didn’t even feel sad when you stopped breathing in his arms — he just felt hollow. More empty and broken than he’d ever thought possible. You were the most incredible person he’d ever met — someone with extreme motivation, who acted with no fear or hesitation, who always had love to give, even when he didn’t deserve it. He’d never forget you, not for as long as he’d live anyway.

Even when he did meet a new girl a few years later — a compassionate, brave girl, who reminded him a lot of you — he wouldn’t forget. He wouldn’t forget your words and for the first time in his life he’d let his walls down for her. He’d allow himself to truly love, and be loved in return.

And maybe you were right, maybe he did deserve to be loved like this, because god, he finally feels whole again when she’s around. He just wishes you were still here so he could say thank you.

[callunavulgari]

YEAR-IN-BOOKS | 2019

So. Last year I read 89 books. The year before that I read 39. The year before that I read 23. This year I have (thus far) read 110 books out of my goal of 100 and will likely finish both The Secret Commonwealth and The Library of the Unwritten before the end of the year. I may even finish another depending on which audiobook I go for next. So I’m gonna talk a lot. Again.

1. a book you loved?

Again, I read a lot of books this year. It was a great year for books. I discovered Brandon Sanderson, which has been amazing. I reread at least two different favorite series, some graphic novels, a few books that would ordinarily be outside of my typical genre. But I’m going to pick Red, White, & Royal Blue, which was probably the one I loved the most. Casey McQuiston, for those of you who weren’t in The Social Network fandom, wrote a really fantastic RPF in like 2011 or so. It was gorgeous and while I’m sad that it was never finished, I can still appreciate the crap out of it. RWARB is a story about the son of America’s first female president falling for the Prince of Wales. It is everything I loved about fics like The Student Prince and Drastically Redefining Protocol and more. It’s best universe 100% and I will probably be rereading it within the next few months because I loved it to pieces. Also, it won both best romance and best debut novel on goodreads by a pretty large margin, which is amazing! 

2. a book you hated?

I think the only book that I absolutely hated this year was The Gunslinger. Which sucks because a lot of people recommended that one pretty highly, but I either reluctantly enjoy Stephen King’s books or I outright loathe them. My review, directly from goodreads, with a rare one star rating:  

“Thing number 1: same guy who did the audiobook recording for The Stand did this one as well. Bad enough. Thing number 2: I forgot how badly Stephen King writes women. I got to listen to this narrator read a scene where a woman has an orgasm because the main character is exorcising a lust demon out of her by shoving a gun into her unmentionables, and then I got to hear someone described as "falling whorishly." DNF at 75%. Sorry. I just could not do it. Falling whorishly was the straw that broke the camel's back.”

3. a book that made you cry?

I definitely cried when I finished The Hero of Ages, which is the third of the original Mistborn trilogy by Sanderson. Without spoiling things... I was definitely crying by the end of it. Might have been crying at the end of the first in the series too. The only other ones I can think of that may have made me sniffle are Everything I Never Told You and To Be Taught, If Fortunate. 

The first because it’s a wonderfully crafted little tale about a family getting torn apart when their daughter dies tragically. The whole thing is pulled wonderfully taut with tension, and each of the character’s snippets into Lydia’s life before her death leads you to more and more discoveries until finally everything comes together seamlessly in the end.

The second because it is a little, little book about a big, big universe and is just so achingly beautiful and big inside that it hurts.

4. a book that made you happy?

I mean, I’m tempted to Red, White, and Royal Blue again because it is 100% the one that made me happiest. I was grinning like an idiot half the time I was reading it. But, because answering the same book for two questions seems cheap when I’ve read over 100, so I’m gonna go with King of Scars, which is the sequel to the sequel of the original Grisha trilogy by Leigh Bardugo. It took the best things about the original series and combined it with the best parts of Six of Crows and left me with a super riveting, fun read.

5. the best sequel?

Gah, I read so many series this year, so this is kind of hard. I have two answers!

The Well of Ascension, which was the second of the Mistborn novels and probably my favorite and The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy, which in my humble opinion was leagues better than The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue. Not that it was bad, I’m just starved for stories about smart sexy ladies who become pirates and flirt with other pretty pirate ladies.

6. most anticipated release for the new year?

Return of the Thief by Megan Whalen Turner is still my answer to this one. The release date got pushed back to August of next year instead of March of this one, so provided it doesn’t get pushed back again - that is 100% my answer. Some others I’m excited about: The Nobleman’s Guide to Scandal and Shipwrecks, which I found out about two minutes ago, the as yet untitled Stormlight Archive #4 which is apparently coming out in November next year, and like six books that don’t have release dates yet so probably won’t come out until 2021. Oh, oh, oh, and The King of Crows, the fourth in The Diviners series, which I forgot was coming out in February!

7. favorite new author?

Easily Brandon Sanderson. Most of my other favorites that I really loved were all authors I’ve read before. Sanderson was my Rothfuss of 2019. Discovering his books changed my whole damn year.

8. favorite book to film adaptation?

I didn’t reread the series this year, but HBO put out their adaptation of His Dark Materials and it has been absolutely amazing so far! I’m blown away by every single episode and can only hope that the second and third seasons will be this good.

9. the most surprising book?

Okay, so there’s this book that I picked up randomly at the library because I liked its cover. It’s called The Hundred-Foot Journey by Richard Morais and it’s about an Indian boy who grows up to become a world famous chef. It’s so, so rich. The detail is wonderful. You can taste the food, feel the sun, be a stranger in a market somewhere in France. It was a true delight of a book and definitely one of my favorites. 

10. the most interesting villain?

I read Codename Villanelle shortly after I got into the TV show, and it was actually a surprisingly good book. She’s a great villain. However, I also read Forest of a Thousand Lanterns, which you don’t even realize is about the evil queen until you’re like halfway through the book. That one was really, really well done and I need to get around to reading its sequel.

11. the best makeouts?

I’m tempted to say Chilling Effect because there’s just something about a sassy space pirate making out with her alien crew member whose skin can make her go into anaphylactic  shock that really appeals to the part of me that shipped Sheppard/Garrus from Mass Effect, but there were two really steamy ones in The Hating Game (elevators) and Ninth House (slightly dubcon-y bit because one character is drugged, but super searing anyway?). 

Also the bit in Red, White and Royal Blue where they make out against a painting of Hamilton in the White House will probably get me every time.

12. a book that was super frustrating?

Again, But Better was a pretty decent book over all. But there were slightly too many pop culture references and listening to an audiobook where the characters are signing along to Blink 182 along with several other songs was a little cringey because the narrator did not actually sing, just kind of singsongy shouted. It was weird.

The Alchemist was also really slow going for such a short book but was over all pretty good.

13. a book you texted about, and the text was IN CAPSLOCK?

I have no real life friends who really read and it is fucking tragic, so the closest I got was recommending a bunch of books to my mom and going off on tangents about how good they were. I think I might have ranted to Nick about a couple of them too.

14. a book for the small children in your life?

I reread The Bartimaeus trilogy again this year and it’s a kid’s book series that I would recommend to literally anybody because it might be my favorite series ever? I also read Lockwood & Co, a kid’s series by the same author who did Bartimaeus, which was fantastic because I didn’t even know he’d written anything since Bartimaeus? It didn’t quite compare, mostly because I adore Bartimaeus way too much, but was still highly entertaining. Spooky kid detectives hunt ghosts! 

15. a book you learned from?

While I did not read a single non-fiction book this year (again, whoops), a lot of books are informative even if they’re fiction. Hell, I learned more about cooking from The Hundred Foot Journey than I have in any cookbook out there.

16. a book you wouldn’t normally try?

Maybe Challenger Deep? I’ve been branching out more, so it’s getting harder and harder to tell which books I wouldn’t normally try. I did read like three exclusively romance novels this year, which was a bit odd for me.

17. a book with something magical in it?

I still say all books are magical. And definitely a lot of the books I read were magical, but probably the one with the most magic was The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern, which was a meticulously crafted love letter to all stories and fairy tales. It was really magical and definitely lived up to The Night Circus. If she keeps up like this, I won’t even mind the decade between publications, because she has a hell of a way with words.

18. the best clothes?

Maybe either The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (the descriptions of her gorgeous silky green dresses made me deeply envious) or Three Dark Crowns (which had neat food and clothes from what I remember)

19. the most well-rounded characters?

All of Sanderson’s stuff has great characters, but Everything I Never Told You is still probably the one with the best. Celeste Ng is really, really good at making you feel each of her characters down to their marrow.

20. the best world-building?

To Be Taught, If Fortunate was very much wow when it comes to the world building. But so was Ninth Gate and The Alloy Era of the Mistborn novels (sequel series to the original series that takes place hundreds of years after the first series). I also read Saga this year, a graphic novel series about a man and his wife on the run from their governments with their baby daughter because their species are in a long standing war and nobody wants anybody to know that they can procreate. That has some fantastic world building.

21. the worst world-building?

Maybe What If It’s Us? I found that one largely boring.

22. a book with a good sidekick?

Definitely any of the Alloy of Law books. Wayne is a wonderful sidekick and all of the other “side characters” in that series are fantastic.

23. the most insufferable narrator?

Ugh, the Gunslinger. Both the character in the book and the person who narrated the audiobook.

24. a book you were excited to read for months beforehand?

I think the only ones I was really excited for head of time were the two Folk of Air sequels by Holly Black and The Starless Sea. I still need to read Call Down the Hawk, and I’m currently reading The Secret Commonwealth, the sequel to His Dark Materials which I’ve been excited about since I learned that it would be a thing.

25. a book you picked up on a whim?

You already know about The Hundred Foot Journey. We Are Where the Nightmares Go and The Monster of Elendhaven were also both randoms that I picked up during the Halloween season that I really enjoyed.

26. a book that should be read in a foreign country?

The Hundred Foot Journey. 100%

27. a book cassian andor would like?

I still don’t know what to make of this question.

28. a book gina linetti would like?

Probably any of the steamy ones? I honestly don’t know.

29. your favorite cover art?

Probably The Ten Thousand Doors of January. It’s very pretty and flowery and the book itself is fantastic. I also really like the cover of David Mogo, Godhunter.

30. a book you read in translation?

I think The Alchemist was the only book I read that was translated from another language.

31. a book from another century?

Ha! North and South was first published in 1854. Other than that the oldest ones I’ve got were written in the 80s (Shards of Honor, Ender’s Game, and The Alchemist) or the 50s (The Two Towers).

32. a book you reread?

This year I reread the Bartimaeus Trilogy, the Temeraire novels (and then finished the last two I hadn’t read yet), Sabriel, and The King of Attolia.

33. a book you’re dying to talk about, and why?

I have clearly talked enough at this point. I think the only one that I loved that I didn’t get a chance to talk about already was Horrorstor, which is a book about haunted Ikea (basically). It’s fantastic and hilarious and spooky and now that I think about it Gina Linetti would probably like it. Oh, and The Bear and the Nightingale trilogy, which was a retelling of an old Russian tale. It was great. 

TLDR; Read Sanderson’s books, Leigh Bardugo’s books, and whatever Casey McQuiston writes for the next 30 years.

[a-magpie-witchling]

1/2 Hey there!! So I had something very weird happen last night. I couldn't sleep so I was up until 3pm, which always scares me because it's That Time of the night. My cat had decided he wanted to go out, which made me feel very nervous. I hate doing anything outside of my bed at this hour. But he wouldn't stop meowing, and I couldn't let him wake everyone up, so I let him out. However when I opened the slide door, I got a very weird feeling. We have a green belt behind our house.

Alright, sorry I took so long to answer this, but I wanted to ask around some opinions and answer properly. If anyone’s interested, Yeyé put her two cents in this.

First things first, make sure you’re not dealing with an ACTUAL, PHYSICAL ANIMAL.

If you live in a forest-y region it could be an actual bear, a street dog, a wolf, a cougar, a lynx, depends of where you live. Near my “new” house we heard heavy footfalls the other day and there was a FREAKING HORSE in the green belt like wtf where did that come from it’s a rather urbanized area.

If you’re sure you don’t need to call animal control, then we can proceed onto the spiritual realm.

Honey, and this goes to everyone: don’t you ever, EVER, be afraid of a spirit.

Of no kind. Animals, ghosts, angels, demons, gods? They’re all weaker than you. You’re corporeal. They’re not. They literally will never be stronger than you. 

Be kind, respectful, and mindful, because one day you’ll die and they could fuck you up then if you were a little bitch haha but otherwise, while you’re made of flesh and bone, a spooky spirit is like a person holding a knife and you, my corporeal friend, HAVE AN AK-47 IN YOUR HANDS.

All you need to learn is to aim their way.

Very quickly I’ll explain how I categorize spirits. A spirit can exhibit more traits than of their category, but they’ll always belong to a single one of these:

Wyld: chaotic spirits. Naturae, elementals, animal spirits, vortex spirits, mostly all of them are in this category. There’s no “method” to their behavior, they just are there, and move basically on instinct. Most times they aren’t intelligent enough to communicate verbally or directly, so you have to learn their language. I recently taught a baby witch how to tame a spirit that was haunting their house since they inherited a possessed relic. This is the easiest kind of spirit to tame, but the hardest to banish, and almost impossible to bind.

Weaver: spirits of order. These suckers love messing with tech, and the easiest way to identify them is because they’ll turn stuff on and off, will make lights flicker, etc. They mostly roam the cities, and here is where you can find most human ghosts, clinging to the places they knew when they were alive. These spirits are easy to bind, and moderately hard to tame or banish. This is mostly the kind of spirit that talks in ways we can understand (another tell sign of them) and also the kind of spirit that will usually store knowledge and share it with us.

Wyrm: spirits of destruction. This is the scary kind of spirit, because most of the negative emotion epiflinos fall in this category. Spirits of hate, fear, revenge, sadness, death, they’re all Wyrm spirits. When ghosts are filled with a destructive madness, this is the category they belong to. They can hardly be reasoned with, and given their power to wreck things, they’re considered the most “powerful” kind. Now, don’t get me wrong. This isn’t true. Their influence is just easier to see. Wyrm spirits are quite misunderstood. While there are some very notorious entities in this category, this is also where spirits of rebirth and transformation are found. After all, nothing can be truly destroyed. This kind is the hardest to tame, but it IS possible, and they make some of the most powerful, fearsome allies. However, people prefer to just kick them out and have nothing more to do with them.

I believe that, as witches, we should be more responsible regarding exorcism and banishing practices. If you encounter a wandering spirit that decides to take residence in your home, think about it as encountering a feral animal that’s most of the time very confused. You could kick them out but they’ll surely go pester someone else. I think the most responsible thing to do is to bind them if they can’t be reasoned with, or simply tame them and befriend them. Teach them what’s right or wrong, so they become well behaved and don’t hurt anyone by accident.

Regarding your issue specifically (sorry about the rant, but I wanted you to understand what I meant when I said this): we think you encountered a migrating Wyrm spirit.

If you don’t actually feel them in your house, but you think they passed through, peeped to look around, and then went on their merry way, then this was most likely the case.

Yeyé (my crone grandma) said: Sometimes entities have migratory routes, they go from place to place, and this process can happen every day or once every centuries. They’re simply passing.

If you feel the spirit lingered, don’t worry. You can banish them (although I don’t recommend it because they will go and bother someone that doesn’t know how to deal with them), bind them, or tame them.

Wyrm spirits of fear tend to cause this: fear. They feed on it. It’s scary to deal with them, of course, but if you learn to control your fear and feed them just a little so they don’t starve, they are really nice guardians.

Example: I taught a witch how to tame a fear epiflino, and in exchange for the spirit to look after her house, she would watch a scary movie every week so the spirit was well fed.

Trust me, these are entities that you want on your side.

I think that’s one of the reasons why people fear spirit controlling witches so much, because we can deal in friendly ways with literal incarnations of death and despair, and treat them as friends or pets.

Back to your specific case. Keep an eye out. If the spirit just passed, then that’s that. If it decided to nest in your house, DON’T MAKE YOURSELF A BUFFET. Keep your cool, try and find out what kind of spirit you’re dealing with, tame them if you can, bind them if you can’t, banish them if it’s too much. If you’re scared this could be a demonic entity (a strong Wyrm spirit) and you fear they could harm you, write me directly. I’ve taken care of more than a few of those (I’ve performed or helped with almost a hundred exorcisms to this date, most of them were Wyrm spirits, I know they can be a pain and hard to control). 

Above all

DO. NOT. FUCKING. PANIC.

You are in control, you’re stronger. Remember, they’ve got a pocket knife, you’ve got a gun. They don’t stand a chance. Freaking Lucifer could come over and a bit of holy water will send him hissing with his tail between his legs, pfft. There’s not a spirit that can’t be dealt with. You just have to keep your cool, be critical, be firm, and don’t let them have more power than they actually have.

I’ll never forget that one time a friend of mine, Mathias, tamed a Weaver spirit. Literally you entered the house and lights would flicker, the tvs would turn themselves on and off, the cellphones would go crazy, I mean it was full poltergeist there. And the guy would literally scream his lungs out HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY FUCKING STOP IT. And not a peep. You just have to understand that having a haunted house is like living with a pet. They will of course roam around and play and do stuff, but they won’t harm a fly if you teach them manners. You just have to be firm.

The very first step to control a spirit is giving them a name.

You know the whole “a demon’s name gives it power” thing? It’s not entirely wrong. (It’s not their name that gives them power, it is your fear and reverence)

I don’t wanna go too deep into semiotics, but to make it simple: a name is a limit, a lot like casting a circle. It divides all that you are from everything that you’re not.

You don’t have to find out a spirit’s name, because sometimes they don’t have it, and sometimes it’s just downright impossible. So give them a name, or a nickname. It’ll give you a lot of control. Not as powerful as their original name if they have it, but strong as balls regardless.

Develop commands, signals, communication.

And do NOT be afraid of them. You’re stronger than they could ever be.

If anyone is having issues with entities, don’t hesitate to write to me. My advice on exorcisms and spirit-control is 100% free and that’s not going to change. I’ve got a shit ton of people that can tell you how we’ve fixed their problems (calling them testimonies sounds so shady…)

I don’t want anyone to get hurt, so just talk to me. We can exorcise, tie, or even better tame any kind of spirit. We can work it out. And the process is also fun as fuck, so that’s a plus :D

[thesinglesjukebox]

ILOVEMAKONNEN FT. RAE SREMMURD - LOVE [6.67] Would you settle for "weReallyLikeMakonnen?"

Crystal Leww: Call it the Lil Uzi Vert effect, but every rapper wants to be a rock star now. Okay fine, that's never not been the case (Gucci is reportedly a big fan of Marilyn Manson), but it feels so pronounced now with influences drawing on the goofy dirtbags of my teenage years: Hoppus, Madden, and Wentz. iLoveMakonnen always existed on the edges of R&B -- "Tuesday" caught on partially because it was just so different from radio R&B -- and Rae Sremmurd were always going to try to be pop stars, in the same way that Drake is, by crossing into whatever genre made sense for them. This drags a little too long, probably overstuffed with one too many verses. I vote that the Slim verse is the one to go, if only because Makonnen is so sincerely sad on something so poppy and Swae gotta stay if only for the asshole-ish-ness of "Her friend is quote unquote with me." Still, all is forgiven by that chorus which is just so much fun. [7]

Julian Axelrod: My one complaint: I'm bummed this isn't the theme song to a Saturday morning cartoon about Makonnen, Swae and Jxmmi playing pranks at a water park. Whenever I'm distraught about the state of the world, I'm going to whisper "iLoveMakonnen and Rae Sremmurd wrote the best Weezer song in 15 years" to remind myself life can still be beautiful. [8]

Alfred Soto: Ooh -- power chords! Portland meets Austin in this Mike WILL-produced rock plodder. Listeners have to get to the chorus to realize the title's a joke, that "Love" responds to Beyonce's "middle fingers up" bit in "Sorry." The Sremmurd boys project their affected ennui convincingly, but the arrangement encourages their dead-eyed tendencies too. [5]

Joshua Copperman: I would have guessed either Travie McCoy or Travis Barker was involved with this song, and it turns out the latter co-produced it and played that surf-y drum loop. The song goes on way longer than it needs to, but just hearing Makonnen and the Rae Sremmurd boys trade verses is enough to sustain the five-minute length.  [6]

Ryo Miyauchi: While the new boys of rap turn to nu-metal to exorcise heartbreak, Makonnen and the Sremmurds borrow from the books of pop punk. The bubblegum guitars do better for Swae and Jxmmi, the latter stepping out of character, covering up sincere hurt -- "now all I feel is pain" -- with the beat's gleaming sunshine. Makonnen, meanwhile, needs some space. The prickly riffs sound more intrusive to him than it should.  [6]

Tim de Reuse: There's casual, biting honesty all over the place, and Makonnen's delivery is thick with enough self-pity to really sell it: "Since you ain't around / I got my middle fingers up / Fuck love" is a perfect blend of awkward determination and punch-the-wall angst, while "I'm heartless, and I don't need a donor" is wordplay just dumb enough to come off totally sincere. Though the lyricism is charmingly messy, its presentation is regrettably clean. The crisp handclaps, palm-muted guitar and glassy bells are polished in the direction of Michael Cera indie pop twee, and the prominent autotune on some of the less tuneful verses over-corrects blemishes that didn't need covering up, which is a technique I'd really hoped died out years ago. A little more off-key grit would have complimented the narrative, but as it stands, it's a cathartic love-is-bullshit rant trapped behind an overthought, glossy veneer. [6]

Stephen Eisermann: "Love" aka trap artists playing Guitar Hero. Seriously, though, this is pretty good. The early 2000s pop-punk, Simple Plan meets Yellowcard production works well with the voice of Makonnen and Rae, even though it feels like a major juxtaposition of sounds. I'm all for exploring sounds and this feels a hell of a lot better than Lil' Wayne's attempt at a similar sound, some years back. The song does run a tad long, but the peppiness of the track combined with the icy, auto-tuned vocals is engaging throughout: so much so, that I find myself wanting to throw my middle fingers up and sheepishly head bang along. Middle school Stephen is all-in. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: There's a bit of precedence here for Makonnen -- his early song "All On You" and a couple tracks he's done with Phantom Posse -- but there's something to be said about the precision of the mopey complaining on display. The chorus is a delight because these guys already sound like they're over the heartbreak, and that they're just having fun with the prospect of being single now. "You turned me into a stoner," they cry, but do they really sound upset? Regardless, I genuinely don't care if this song is good (it is) because the fact it exists makes me incredibly happy, and that's not a statement I'd use to describe how I feel about most art. [8]

Madeleine Lee: My personal nostalgic response to this song is for my undergrad circle of friends, alt bros who had Kanye and T.I. posters on their walls and taught me that "Molly's Lips" is good for jam sessions because it's only two chords. The idea that ten years later every music we loved could come together would've seemed strange to us, but this is about as good as we could've hoped for, and I wish we could sit in the living room on a hungover afternoon to listen to it. I also wish it had garage rock's brevity, though. [7]

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