#sorry this got a lil long. i missed dukeceit

[fakeloveaskblog]

(Hi thanks for responding to me this probably won’t be good but here goes nothing)

Janus, it’s not your fault Virgil is doing this he it a grown man and it fully responsible for his own actions. You did the right thing giving Remy the number to the abuse shelter, you gave them a way to leave and you shouldn’t blame yourself for Virgils reaction, that is on him not you.

Also Virgil isn’t going to stop being abusive if you stop trying to help, I’m not sure what you should do but I know that you shouldn’t stop helping Remy. And you are helping them, they really enjoy seeing you and you made them feel a lot happier when you visited them, so don’t start thinking that you are making things worse when the opposite is true.

Don’t give up, it will take time for Remy to realise just how bad things are and I think the best thing to do is be there for them and make sure they know how much you care about them and that they aren’t a burden on you.

That’s all for now take care of yourself and remember this isn’t your fault, bye now.

(Okay that’s it done hopefully this wasn’t too bad and you can read everything. I’m terrible at grammar so I hope that this isn’t too irritating)

(It's good anon, don't worry C:>)

Janus was still sitting on the wet grass, half out of it. They were mindlessly picking up strays of grass and picking them apart. They gave you a meek glance as they heard your voice.

After you'd said it all they let out a small sniffle and leant their forehead against their knees that had been brought up to their chest.

"You're a lot like Logan, do you know that? I mean all of you watchers. Whenever my mind begins to race and everything seems to implode in on itself...you're so calming...and logical....it's a special type of comfort"

He sighed and lightly hit his head against his knees over and over again.

"I know you're right. I know. I know. It's just hard to get it into my head that it's not my fault" He added a "I wish I could punch Virgil right in his manipulative piece of shit face. I would be okay with his hospital bill being my fault! But I suppose Remy would despise me if I do that"

He allowed himself to let up into the smallest, most weak, smile imaginable.

"Me being there made them happy? I...I'm glad to hear it...I guess it's a good sign they called the shelter in the first place, right? I love them so I should trust them that they will trust me as long as I keep assuring how much they mean to me"

They nodded to themself as if to really make what you'd said dig into their brain.

"Tell me if they want me to visit them again. Please. As soon as they say it. I will literally drop everything! Even if I'm holding two entire glasses of orange juice!"

"Who're you talking to?" Remus asked. He was standing a few feet away with his hands in the pocket's of his hastily put on hoodie "OH shit lawnmover ghosts??"

"Just one of the watchers. I didn't recognize their voice. They seem nice"

"Huh. Cool" Remus rubbed the back of his neck while glancing around "...Uhm....Nothing happened....Did it?...You just uhm you disappeared from the party suddenly...OH NO You didn't have sensory overload did you??? I'm sorry!! I didn't think it was that loud!! You didn't nibble your ears off did you??"

"Ah yes. You can clearly see that my ears are now gone. Very clearly. 0 ears" Janus snarked back. They fiddled with the end of their floor length skirt "I just....I remembered that Remy was supposed to be here if they weren't...It feels wrong for me to have fun when they are in pain"

"Oh. Yeah. I kinda feel that too. Sometimes. Pretty often. Uhm hug? Hug time?"

Janus let out a sigh of relief and quickly nodded. Remus sat down on the grass beside them. He moved his arms around their waist and let them lean their head on his shoulder.

"They'll get better uhm eventually. It's just a flair up right and uh a dip in mental health, and those things can get better. They always can" Remus mumbled out "Or else! We'll just have to do a blood ritual so they get better!!"

"We already do have contact with demons so a blood ritual isn't that far fetched"

"Exactly!!! We should bring a fire gun! and a big truck! NO! 2 big trucks! So we can drive them into each other and cause a huge explosion"

"And how will that help Remy?"

"Just trust me!"

"Sure will. You are the blood expert after all"

Light laughter filled the night air. Remus moved out of the hug. He sent an unsure smile to his crush.

"Are you going back to the party? Like was this just taking some air or uhm are you leaving?- It's fine if you uhm leave, it's kinda late and some other people have already left so-"

"I'll stay if you want me to stay"

Remus grinned and playfully punched their shoulder "You better stay then!! I LIED!! FALSEHOOD FUCKER! You can't leave because you didn't even try the motherfucking BABkas and sufganiyots!! You can't just ignore the dessert!! Not after you and Patty helped us make the food! uhm thanks for arriving early to help us by the way. Don't worry there are some left! Just for you!"

"Oh nooo. Woe me. I am being kidnapped by a crazy pastry baker. ooooh what a curse!!" Janus grinned back "Of course I'll try them"

"Yaayy!" He stood up and held out his hand "C'mon. I think some of the stylists- You know Ro has a crazy amount of stylist she's dated- heard that Patty has never been professionally made over and I think they're trampling her with uhhh style as we speak"

Janus took his hand and let him pull them up on their feet. He didn't let go of their hand as he began to walk.

"Honestly it has been kind of weird to see Patty tonight. She is always so confident. I didn't think she would get flustered Rowan as much as she does. I mean she's still confident, she's just...different when she's with Rowan. It's cute"

"You're cute"

"What?"

"YOU'RE CUTE! BITCH!" Remus exclaimed right into their ear "I will never let you forget the karaokeing you did tonight, wonderful, exquisite, never seen before, barf it out and eat it. No but really, you sing well for a tipsy person"

"Oh I haven't drank anything. I know being around drunk people sometimes makes you uncomfortable so I decided to abstain tonight. But yes. I will have to erase your memory of uhm my singing"

Remus tried his best to hide his flustered expression over Janus admitting that he hadn't drank any alcohol just for him. He didn't do a good job of hiding it.

"You-" He tried to keep his voice normal and non lovestruck "You'll even erase the memory of you singing Every time we touch???"

"Even that yes"

"Well then you have to stay over for the sleepover in exchange- if you want to- Patty is staying! A few other guests as well I think. Like Megan"

Janus held onto his hand a bit harder "You okay with that?"

"I mean duuude it's like a sleepover after a party. A Hanukkah party! We're just gonna stay up and watch disney movies and eat left over food until we fall asleep in a pile. And I can and will de pile myself if I don't like it. It's really comforting, being up so late and forcing yourself up to all sleepily blow out the candles before collapsing into a blanket with sugar still all around your mouth and your legs tired from dancing and your face tired from smiling. It's...nice...can't wait until Remy is with us next year"

"Me neither" Janus blushed a little as well "I have been unsure how to say this but I have been thinking about it kind of all night that...uhm...aside from your usual handsomeness uhm your kippah looks really perfect on you. You just- You look wonderful that's all"

Remus looked at him with a toothy smile, his cheeks were still red from blushing "Wow bitchboy. You suck at giving compliments when you're flustered"

"OH SHUT UP! I'm doing my best here! I might as well erase your memory of that compliment as well!"

"Awww Jannnny don't" Remus gave him a lovefilled bonk to the forehead "I like you too much, even when you're a total dork"

He put on a grumpy look while replying "Don't flatter me right before calling me a whale- a whale you know what. I know your tricks! You foul fiend! With your foul language!!"

Remus let out a laugh that sounded like a chainsaw and a pack of birds were on a date "YEAH! I know!!! My lovely lil Janny! Sorry I'm just happy 'cause I love you and you're here with me and we're gonna watch the new disney film and I'm gonna get too annoy Ro with gruesome ideas the entire time and I'm gonna cuddle you so so much and it's gonna be great and uh Patty and Megan thee stallion is also there. I love you hehe"

"I am making a conscious decision to not erase that because I love you too, you gremlin" They pressed a quick kiss to the palm of his hand before the two of them went back to the party.

[littleboy-logan]

Brother in Arms (3)

Chapter One | Chapter Two

Part three!! Sorry this took a lil longer but it’s here now!! :D

Summary: A surprising revelation from Roman leads to bonding between him and Virgil.

Characters: Roman, Logan, Patton, Virgil,

Pairing(s): analogical, royality, eventual platonic dukeceit

Warnings: not sure anything needs to be warned for but lemme know if I missed anything!!!

Word count: 1,072

~

Roman had been quite sneaky about his regression. He even hid it from Patton, though they were dating and he should have been honest. Even still, he hid it. Until one night, Roman was regressed and in full gear, he had just forgotten to lock the door.

Patton walked in and found him colouring in a book, sippy cup in hand, dressed in his lion onesie. They made eye contact for a moment before Roman burst into tears.

"Woah, Roman, sweetie, what's wrong?" Patton asked with concern.

"You not s'posed to find out!" Roman wailed.

"Find out what? What's going on?"

It took some garbled explaining but Patton got the gist of it. He offered to be Roman's caregiver, though he didn't know the terminology at the time, and it made Roman's night. His whole year, in fact.

From then on, Patton took care of Roman when he was in his regressed state. He was more than a natural, given that he was a fatherly figure by trade, but he still made mistakes. Even so, he was also a quick learner.

He learned early on that when Roman was regressed, he was very clingy. So once Patton began being his caregiver, he could not leave Roman alone. It would lead to a lot of crying.

Which was why it was surprising that Roman was regressing alone in his room.

"Ro—" Patton could barely say anything before having the door closed in his face.

"Wait, does Roman—?" Logan began, only to be cut off by Patton's knocking.

"Ro-Ro, please open up! I'm sorry, kiddo, I should've said that Virgil and Logan were with me! Listen, Virgil wanted to tell you something, and it might make you feel better!" He turned to Virgil, who was still on Logan's shoulders. "Virge, c'mere," he said gently.

Virgil slowly climbed down, still holding Mr Woofer to his chest. He shuffled over to Roman's door and gently knocked.

"Ro? You there? Um... you don't gotta be sad, I little too. You don't gotta hide, is otay. Ro?"

"You lie," Roman said behind the door, a lilt to his voice similar to Virgil's.

"Nuh-uh, I little!"

"You mean! You makin' fun!"

"Roman, he is not making fun of you," Logan assured.

"Yeah, kiddo, Virgil really does regress," Patton said. "I wouldn't lie to you, you know that."

There was a long silence before the door finally opened, a bit slowly as Roman poked his head out. His pacifier dangled on a string around his neck and he still wore his lion onesie. He shuffled on his feet and avoided eye contact with anyone.

"You really little?" he asked Virgil softly.

"Yeah," Virgil replied just as softly.

Roman suddenly crushed Virgil in a tight hug, which caught him off guard. He returned the hug, burying his face in the crook of Roman's neck.

They all eventually went in Roman's room, where Virgil and Roman got to have a play date. They began building things with Lego's while Logan and Patton talked.

"Do you know how long Roman has regressed?" Logan asked.

"From what he's told me, it's happened since... the divide."

Logan nodded in understanding. The divide with Remus when they were once one Side. Virgil did mention that Remus also regressed and Janus once cared for them both in their regressed states. Virgil had believed that regression was a "dark Side thing". Clearly that was not the case.

"What about Virgil?" Patton asked.

"He's been regressing since he first appeared to Thomas. He told me about it not long after we started dating."

"I'm glad you've been there for him," Patton said with a smile.

"And I'm glad you've been there for Roman." Logan grinned softly before glancing at Roman. "How old does Roman regress to?"

"Usually about five or six. Is Virgil usually five?"

"Sometimes. Most often he's three, but when his anxiety spikes he could go as young as an infant."

"Aww!" Patton cooed, putting his hands over his heart. "Precious baby! I mean- am I allowed to say that since he's five now? I'm guessing he doesn't mind but I shouldn't assume."

"No, he doesn't mind. In fact, when he regresses, I dare say he appreciates it."

"Oh, good. I know he doesn't like being... coddled as an adult and I feel bad when I slip up."

"It's a force of habit, Patton, don't feel bad. And don't let Virgil make you feel bad either."

Patton bit his lip and nodded. "Thanks, Logan."

Roman suddenly got up and jumped into Patton's lap with a small Lego cruise ship. "Look Pap! Made a big boat that goes brrrr!"

"That looks so good, kiddo!" Patton praised.

"I made a spaceship!" Virgil declared, holding up his Lego creation. It was small but well built, with weapons attached and everything.

"That looks wonderful, Virgil, you did an amazing job," Logan said with a smile.

"I wanna make spaceship too!" Roman exclaimed, climbing down from Patton's lap to go make himself a spaceship.

"You build too?" Virgil asked them.

"Yeah, make spaceships!" Roman said with a smile.

Patton and Logan allowed themselves to be roped into the Lego building. The four of them built spaceships in different ways, and they all had a good time. It wasn't long before they finished their creations.

"Logan, did you make a NASA ship?" Patton asked.

"Indeed. This is the space shuttle known as the Enterprise. Why do you ask?"

"I made a death ray ship!" Roman declared, holding up his rather sizeable ship.

"Very inventive!" Patton said with a smile. "Why a death ray?"

"It's fun!" was Roman's answer.

"That- fair enough!"

"I made another one," Virgil said, fiddling with his small ship. "It bad."

"No, no it isn't," Logan assured. "I love this just as much as your first one!"

"Really?" Virgil asked with hope in his voice as he looked at Logan.

"Really!"

"Tankchu," Virgil mumbled, smiling to himself.

"I think it's time for lunch!" Patton said.

"Chicken tendies!" Virgil declared, clapping his hands together.

"We can do chicken tenders, yeah! Tenders and apple slices so it's healthy."

"Let's go downstairs and watch some cartoons until lunch is ready, okay?" Logan suggested.

The two regressors both cheered and ran out the door, Logan and Patton both chuckling at their enthusiasm.

"They're quite the handful, aren't they?" Logan said.

"In the best way, though," Patton replied fondly.

"The best way imaginable."

[the-sunshine-dims]

Green

title: green 

words: 2202

ao3 link

pairings: dukeceit (deceit and Remus,)

*warnings*; strong language, sympathetic dark sides , thoughts of abandonment, crying,  mentions of food, hurt/comfort, mentions of burns,

summary: Remus gets accepted my the light sides, deceit is happy for him but sad because he thinks Remus will abandon him. but then Remus comforts him

characters: deceit, Remus, Patton, Virgil, Logan, roman

____________________

Remus somehow unknowingly got accepted to the light sides 

he spends so much time there deceit gives up thinking he’ll see his friend  anymore, at least not as a friend,

deceit gets used to the dinners that Remus isn’t there, well at least he tries, but he never gets used to the silence, that damned emptiness, deceit hated being alone, he never had told anyone but he hates being alone, absolutely hates it!

Remus hadn’t noticed how much time he spends there,

  by the time he goes to hang out with deceit he goes around the corner expecting to see the normal: deceits room with the classic “go away” door matt.

 but now there’s a small sign on the door “please do not come in” scribbled on it lightly

and then he notices that the door is not locked, which is unusual, normally deceit keeps his door locked so Remus would stop running in with a bunch of garbage in hand, 

so Remus of course starts getting worried and did the Remus way of things; opening the door without knocking 

he sees deceit curled up in a little ball next to his bed in his pajamas (w-was he crying?) 

“hey dee-dee! sorry I stopped intruding-”

deceit immediately flinched and tried wiping the endless tears from coming down  when Remus was noticed

“hey dee-dee are you ok?” Remus said genuinely concerned about dee

“ye-yeah i’m fine’ deceit said trying to cover up his tears (and failing)

“… are you sure?” Remus walked closer to the crying deceitful side 

“y-yeah-” deceit couldn’t say another word or he would completely break down (more then he already has)

“dee… I can tell when something wrong! that’s a little bit of my job after all!” 

deceit flinched at that, deciding it was better not to respond

“dee… can I hug you?” 

deceit was a little surprised that Remus had asked he couldn’t tell if it was good or bad all he knew was that it was all influenced by the light sides… it didn’t matter what his brain was saying he nodded slowly

Remus didn’t hesitate for a second to wrap his arms around deceit in a oddly soft embrace, Remus grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around them for extra comfort

“hey dee-dee… you don’t have to but can you tell me why you were crying? the last time you cried was when Virgil left… again you don’t have to tell me!” Remus said hesitantly trying to connect the dots (and somewhat failing)

deceit hesitantly muttered something  before speaking a little louder for Remus to actually hear “I- I was- I thought you were ganna le-leave-’” deceit got out before letting out a sob

 Remus was startled by that (Remus startled?? yes.) Remus held the crying snakey side closer

“shh its ok… shhh i wont leave..i would never leave you like Virgil did… its ok shh” Remus shushed comfortingly as he began crying a little too, he wasn’t expecting any of this.. honestly he just wanted to hold deceit protectively forever

after about a half hour deceit fell asleep quietly in a comforting embrace (#letthesnakesleep)

“aww he fell asleep! its better then crying more… I don’t want him to cry…” Remus said tilting his head on deceit’s head gently

he was happy deceit had gotten sleep and Remus just noticed that deceit had eye bags,

 Remus realized he hadn’t seen deceit in a while… he was ganna change that, if he had gotten excepted by the “light” sides then he would bring deceit with him! deceit deserves to be listened to, if they would listen to Remus they would listen to deceit.

after about another half hour Remus had also fallen asleep —— Patton had decided it was a good idea to allow Remus to be a more active member of the famILY 

the others hadn’t really opposed to it but they could tell Virgil wasn’t the most thrilled, and roman got fed up with Remus easily (brothers ya know)

but Virgil knew Remus didn’t really wanna actually hurt anyone and roman just didn’t really care as long as Remus didn’t touch his sword 

so Patton invited Remus for dinner, again, and again, and again, until Remus kind of came on instinct ______ Patton didn’t know why but he felt on edge, Patton knew he was missing something but he couldn’t tell what it was, Patton knew he was missing something! it made Patton a little mad he couldn’t figure out what he was missing

then around dinner Remus doesn’t show up, and that’s all it took to worry Patton.

Remus was gone, they looked everywhere even his (very messy) room, they still couldn’t find him

it wasn’t until Virgil decided that it would be a good idea to check deceits room or at least ask him if he had seen Remus recently or knew where he is

when Virgil knocked and didn’t get an answer Virgil got more worried he already was, Virgil turned the door nob seeing if it was locked it wasn’t, so Virgil finally hesitantly opened the door

he saw the two wrapped around each other absorbing each others warmth

“hey pat Remus is fine!” Virgil yelled after closing the door

“hmm! did you find him!? did deceit know where he was?” Patton asked quickly walking over to Virgil

“well deceit definitely knows where he is, but deceit didn’t tell me…  cuddle puddle.”

Patton made a small happy lil gasp “aww!! so we should leave them be! we can talk or hang out with Remus later! maybe we can hang out with deceit too,”

Virgil chuckled “ok pat lets go tell the others- Roman. not to destroy the mindscape looking for him”

——-

Remus woke up quietly a couple hours before deceit but didn’t want to wake him up or leave him alone so he just stayed there quietly cuddling closer letting deceit absorb his warmth

when deceit woke up he noticed the still lingering Remus around him 

“m’  sorry…” deceit muttered close to tears again, unknowing Remus was actually awake, he felt awful, ‘what if he had just ruined Remus’s chance at finally being listened to?’ his mind said

Remus wrapped his arms tighter around deceit 

Remus tilted deceits head to face him, “you don’t need to apologize… I mean I don’t apologize even when I do something wrong most of the time and you didn’t even do anything wrong!’ Remus laughed softly, trying

to make sure deceit knew  everything is ok

Remus wondered how long deceit had been crying before Remus came in, ‘how long has he thought I was ganna leave him completely? how long has he thought he would be completely alone?’ Remus thought

“thanks…… can- can we have more blankets? I want comfy!” deceit smiled wetly

Remus laughed “sure, but lets go to the kitchen first so you can eat,”

“ok” deceit smiled

Remus picked up deceit surprisingly deceit didn’t squirm or protest “now lets go!” Remus smiled as deceit quickly grabbed the blanket from the ground and readjusted himself a bit so he wouldn’t be cold,

Remus wandered into the kitchen deceit In his arms

he sat deceit on the couch 

“hey! I can help make the food! I-” deceit said 

“nope, you should be resting you have bags under your eyes, and since I don’t know the last time you’ve slept~ just sit tight, okay?” 

deceit decided not to argue, he let out a sigh “fine, but~ later we have to make cupcakes,”

Remus let out a loud a laugh “deal, it also says a lot that you’re to tired to lie,” Remus ruffled deceits hair causing deceit to blep 

“… fair… also no hair squish!” deceit swatted at Remus’s hands,

Remus laughed “ok sir blep-noodle! now i’m ganna go make pancakes,” and with that he walked into the kitchen.

deceit grabbed the remote, turning on a show, just so he had something to pay attention to, to pass he time —————- after about an hour or so, (deceit wasn’t paying attention to the time) Remus came back with two plates of pancakes,

“dee-dee! I got the food! and I only got burnt twice!” Remus beamed at deceit before handing deceit the plate

deceit gave a airy chuckle “thank you, and i’m proud your getting better at cooking but I think we should get that number of burns down to zero.”

Remus laughed “ok. now eat you sleep deprived snake, and then after we eat we can watch movies! though tomorrow we have to find a solution the- uhhh- thing? because we cant have you being sad or lonely!”

Remus smiled dee

deceit sighed “okay” then they both began eating

—————–

 a while later (no one was keeping track of the time) they turned on a couple movies and cuddled until deceit fell asleep, using Remus as a pillow,

 —————–

 when they woke up they ate and watched a couple more movies.

 Remus paused the movie and looked over at the side latched onto Remus’s arm “hey dee-dee should we go to the light sides and try to solve the problem soon?”

 deceit looked at Remus and gave a contemplative look, “hmm I guess so, do you mean right now or-? because if its right now I have to change out of my pajamas”

 Remus laughed “nah, not right now, we’ll go chat with them when ever you feel like you can, talking can be hard when your tired.” 

deceit nodded “okay, well i’m not as tired as I was a couple days ago so I think I’ll be fine,” deceit smiled at Remus and Remus smiled back

“ok so are you fine with going now?”

“sure but-”

Remus stood up and swooped down to pick up dee

“lets go!”

deceit laughed “Remus- pfft- no we have to change!” deceit giggled

 “if they say anything bad about your snake pj’s then I’ll fight them!” Remus laughed maniacally causing deceit to burst into a fit of giggles

Remus beamed at the giggling deceit, he began running to the light sides area 

“Remus- no-”

“Remus yes, owo”

deceit laughed again

“Remus-“ deceit laughed again  "actually, this probably isn’t the weirdest thing they’ve seen, they have Virgil, Virgil goes to bed at 4 am and if you got to the kitchen at 3 you see him sitting on the fridge.”

this caused Remus to laugh  “yep!” 

Remus burst into the light side living room with deceit in his arms

“what up bitches?!” Remus yelled with a laugh

Patton yelped “oh- hi Remus! hi deceit!” Patton said deciding not to mention the fact about them being in their pj’s

roman on the other hand- “why are you in your pajamas? did Remus wake you up and bring you here?”

deceit stared at Remus “that wasn’t anything bad about the pj’s, no fighting.”

Remus laughed “fine~”

Patton, Virgil, and roman looked at each other confused

“have you two eaten?” Logan asked

“oh don’t worry Logan! I made sure he ate!” Remus said happily

“good, deceit i’m guessing the reason you’re in your pajamas is because of Remus?” Logan continued

deceit giggled “no, he didn’t pick me up off the couch and run me over here”

“oh don’t act like you don’t like being carried” Remus chuckled

deceit hissed and Remus booped his snoot causing deceit to blep again 

“noo! I am powerful fear me! I am an agent of chaos!” deceit squeaked 

the two abrupted into fits of giggles 

Patton beamed a smile at the two giggly bois

deceit remembered people were there. his face turned bright red and he hid his face in Remus’s shirt with the logic of ‘if I cant see them they cant see me’

and deceit stayed there for about a half hour while Remus talked to the other sides, and deceit just absorbed Remus’s warmth, ignoring the outside worlds existence 

and then deceit heard a muffled Remus asking “if I can join the light sides then can he? I don’t want him to be alone,” deceit tensed

“I mean, you’ve talked about him, and pretty much confirmed that he doesn’t wish Thomas harm, plus he doesn’t deserve to be abandoned. so yeah he can be a light side,” said a more serious sounding Patton 

Remus smiled

deceit readjusted himself “hey Remus can you set me down? its getting uncomfortable, plus I wanna go get a hoodie, its cold.” deceit whispered to Remus

Remus nodded and set him down to the confusion of the others, deceit walked off

“is he coming back or-?” Roman asked

Remus shrugged “depends if he finds a hoodie or he finds a warm place to huddle in,” 

“does he usually wander off to find warmth?” Logan asked

“eh sometimes, though when  its winter I go with him! he’s a cold danger noodle!” Remus laughed 

they continued to talk for a while before Remus left

————–

“i’m pretty sure we’ll need more blankets,” roman laughed “first because I want to make pillow forts and second because cold snake,” 

Patton smiled “agreed” 

“am I the only one who has the feeling that we’ll randomly find deceit in a pile of blankets in the middle of the floor?” Logan asked

Virgil laughed at that “oh that’s definitely ganna happen.”

————–

end

[sweet-royalty]

Never Been in Love

Summary: Patton is alone at home and is enjoying this time dancing and filling himself with pride (Extremely self-indulgent but at this point all my fanfics are like this and I have no shame at all so yeah xP)

Genre: Songfic (Will Jay, Marina and the Diamonds and Moses Sumney)

Word Count: 3371 words (9 pages)

Pairings (All of them are heavily mentioned but they are not the focus of the story): Queerplatonic LAMP, Romantic Analogince and Romantic Dukeceit 

Content: Slight Angst w/ Comfort; Human!AU; Aro!Patton; Closeted Aromantic; Virgil, Roman and Logan are romantically dating and each one of them are Patton’s QPPs; Fluff; Just pure fluff despite many things; Sympathetic Deceit; Sympathetic Remus; Hoh!Deceit; Sign Names mentioned for 2 characters; Hoh experience written by someone who is not hoh (read as “please tell me if I’m doing something wrong”); Non White Sides;

Trigger Warning: Nudity (without sexual content or genitalia description), Snake mention, Amatonormativity (the characther is not actually arophobic, he just doesn’t know Patton is aromantic) (Tell me if I forgot to tag something)

Disclaimer: I couldn’t find a hand sign for “vitiligo” other than actually spelling it to make as Deceit’s sign name so his sign name in this story might not be so good. If you have any other suggestion for his sign name and explain how to sign it I’ll really appreciate it!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Don't you want somebody to never let you go? Knowing someone's body better than your own Don't you want a family with a white picket fence? Tell me when's the wedding, the names of all your kids” Will Jay – Never Been in Love

Being alone at home was always one of the best things that could happen for Patton.

Not because he doesn’t like his family but because he enjoys the freedom of being alone. And this time, the house would be all his for the whole day. His parents were taking his brother to see if they could fix his hearing-aid or buy him another one. And after that they would take him for a sleepover at the twins house and go out to celebrate their marriage birthday. It was simply P E R F E C T.

Patton noticed his brother walking in the room and sitting on the sofa in front of him while their parents were going back and forth taking everything they need. He knew what that meant. That’s usually what they do when they want to talk privately. Patton paused his music player and left the cellphone behind.

- Sorry about your hearing aid, D - he signed with a sad face.

The last sign made him sulk

- I adore when you call me like this - he said rolling his eyes when pointing his index and middle finger to the side and touching his heart so Patt would know he was being sarcastic. He giggled.

- Ok, can you teach me the s-n-a-k-e sign again, please?

D made a two with his fingers, pointing to Patton, brought his hand to his chin then lowered it with a zig-zag movement like a snake moving. He repeated the movement but instead of a two he rised his index finger and touched the other ones together forming a “d” with his hand.

He gave him the thumbs up. D’s love for snakes made him really happy for being given this sign.

- Don’t worry about my hearing aid - he showed his broken aid, hand painted as a snake – I’ll paint a new one if we can’t fix it

- What are you doing with this one then?

He shrugged then placed his index and thumb together under his nose and slid it on his upper lip before crossing his fingers. “Mustache” followed by “R”.

The sign he gave to one of the twins.

- Remus asked if I can give it to him if we can’t fix. Maybe he wants to open it? I don’t know

Patton smiled and gave him a malicious face.

- You will be cuddling with your boyfriend!

- Remus is not my boyfriend! - he sulked while grunting.

Patton tried not giggling too loud, since D could still hear something from his right ear.

- Ok, he’s your crush. I hope you’ll have fun

He rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything else to defend himself.

- You’re lucky you don’t have a crush. I’ll make your life a living hell when you do!

Patt snorted.

- Good luck

 “… with that” he meant.

 “I'm not missing someone that I've never met Maybe a little scared, still I don't care” Will Jay – Never Been in Love

Patton took some of his clothes off having just a baby blue long T-shirt covering his brown-skinned body, feeling the wind from the open window run through him. He spinned around the room and laid down to the sofa, grabbing his phone and scrolling to see if there were any new messages for him.

Roman (7:01 AM): Good morning~ Who is ready for today?

Virgil (7:02 AM): Ro, it’s 7 in the fucking morning

Virgil (7:02 AM): Lemme sleep

Roman (7:02 AM): I’m sorry, lil sunshine

Roman (7:03 AM): But if you actually were sleeping you wouldn’t be answering it!

Virgil (7:05 AM): Ooooor maybe I WAS sleeping but then a stupid bird sound woke me up!

Roman (7:05 AM): Not my fault if you sleep with your phone glued to your face!

Logan (7:05 AM): Can you stop bickering this early in the morning?

Logan (7:05 AM): We’ll be ready when the time comes, Roman. No need to rush.

Roman (7:07 AM): Oh my lovely nerd

Roman (7:07 AM): I meant to ask if you were excited

Roman (7:07 AM): Not if you were literally ready.

Roman (7:08 AM): The movie is only at 7 PM

Virgil (7:08 AM): I’m extremely excited, your highness

Virgil (7:09 AM): Now would you please stop texting here and let me sleep?

Roman (7:09 AM): As you wish, my love <3

Virgil (7:10 AM): -_- <3

Virgil (10:23 AM): Ok, now I’m up

Patton (10:30 AM): Good morning, my dears ^_^ <3

Patton (10:30 AM): Are you going to the movies today?

Virgil (10:33 AM): Sup, Patt

Virgil (10:35 AM): Yeah… I kinda won 3 movie tickets…

Virgil (10:35 AM): We’d call you but the movie isn’t really your type

Virgil (10:36 AM): I’m so sorry, Patt :( I didn’t mean to exclude you or anything…

Patton (10:36 AM): No no! I didn’t feel like this at all, love!

Patton (10:37 AM): Don’t worry! I’m happy that you’re goin out!

Patton (10:37 AM): Send me pictures of you once you meet, I wanna see your pretty faces <3 <3

Virgil (10:38 AM): Are you sure? :/

Roman (10:39 AM): Patt, you’re just as important as any of us. We don’t want to make you feel like a third wheel.

Logan (10:39 AM): Just because you’re not involved with us romantically that doesn’t make our platonic feelings for you less important.

Virgil (10:40 AM): Just tell us if something is bothering you, ok?

Roman (10:40 AM): Yes, if you want we can try to see each other earlier so even if you don’t go to the movie we can at least see each other

Logan (10:40 AM): Yes, we’d gladly do this for you

Patton’s smile got wider. He was being sincere when he said he wasn’t feeling excluded and he knew how genuine that invitation was because they all genuinely loved him as much as he did and in the same way he did.

As strong as everything he could feel.

They were the friends he never wanted to miss, they were the people he could always count for and know they’d do anything to help him just like he’d do anything for them and they didn’t need to be in love with each other for it.

Patton (10:43 AM): You’re amazing, loves <3 But really I’m not feeling like going anywhere today. D went out with our parents and I’ll be alone the whole day, I think I’ll spend this time with myself here at home ^_^ But I appreciate it, really. I love you so much ;u; <3

Roman (10:43 AM): Anything for you, my dear! Enjoy your day!

Virgil (10:43 AM): We love you, ok? We’ll make sure to include you next time.

Virgil (10:43 AM): Promise

Logan (10:44 AM): Tell us if you need something or change your mind

Patton (10:44 AM): I love you too <3 Don’t worry

Patton swiped the chat group off and searched for something to listen while baking some cookies

“I know exactly what I want and who I wanna be. I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine I’m now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy” Marina and the Diamonds - Oh No!

Patton was mouthing the lyrics while scooping the cookie dough. His shoulders wiggling with the song’s catchy rhythm as he felt every beat controlling his body.

Patton didn’t really listen to Marina and the Diamonds so often but Roman successfully made him addicted to this song. Last time he came to sleepover they danced together the whole night and without noticing they were practically lip-synching this song, which was so amazing and powerful that Patton never left this rush go.

He turned the stove on, started the chronometer and just left the music flowing through his body

Patton twirled off the kitchen, the wind following his movements filling his legs with a chilling sensation that would only make his movements more and more powerful.

He was throwing his head back with his eyes closed, shaking it so hard that Patton could feel the curls of his hair touching his cheeks making him smile as bright as the sun.

That’s what he likes the most about being alone. As long as nobody could see he could be as cheerful, loud and expressive as he wants without any judgement. He could manage to make his entire body feel happiness and express it in it’s own way.

He could shake his as weird and as careless he wanted.

His thoughts were cut off by a loud ringing.

- Oops! Almost forgot my cookies!

 “Oh yeah I'm tired of falling Oh yeah For someone else's story 'Cause he gets the girl and I get ticket stubs I guess it's time to write my own personal version of love” Will Jay – Version of Love

Patton (6:34 PM): Hey, Dee! Are you already at Remus and Roman’s house?

DD (6:40 PM): Hey there. Yeah, we’re watching the Saw movie for the 4th time this year -_-

Patton (6:40 PM): Wow…

Patton (6:41 PM): Why you never tell him you don’t like this movie?

DD (6:42 PM): No one likes to hear him beaming about the deaths and all the gore stuff.

DD (6:42 PM): And it’s funny to hear him laughing when that woman tries to reach the keys and ends up trapped

Patton (6:44 PM): Awwwww

Patton (6:45 PM): It’s cute that you do that just to see him happy

DD (6:50 PM): -___-

DD (6:51 PM): If you wanna see it this way

DD (6:55 PM): At least the movie don’t make me feel uncomfortable so it’s more bearable

Patton (6:56 PM): Yup

DD (7:00 PM): Hey, Patton

Patton (7:01 PM): Yes?

DD (7:02 PM): I think I’ll try to tell him tonight

Patton (7:05 PM): Tell what?

DD (7:02 PM): Don’t worry, I’m hidden in the bathroom. He’s not seeing our messages.

Patton (7:03 PM): Oh, ok!

Patton (7:04 PM): Well, good luck! ^^ I’m pretty sure things will turn out fine

DD (7:05 PM): I’m not worried about it

Patton (7:05 PM): Pfff

Patton (7:05 PM): Sure ;)

DD (7:06 PM): urgh

DD (7:07 PM): You should tell Roman too

Patton sighed. There we go again.

Patton (7:07 PM): D, I told you before. I’m not in love with Roman…

Patton (7:08 PM): He is my best friend, just like Logan and Virgil.

DD (7:08 PM): Well, I never said you were not in love with them TOO

DD (7:09 PM): Look

DD (7:10 PM): I know talking to mom and dad will be hard

DD (7:11 PM): It is hard for me too

DD (7:11 PM): But you don’t have to talk to them if you don’t want to

DD (7:12 PM): None of us have

DD (7:13 PM): I’ve always hid my relationships very well, and you know that

DD (7:13 PM): I can help you so they won't find anything out too

DD (7:14 PM): Or… Idk, protect you if they react badly about it

DD (7:14 PM): Just know that I’m on your side, ok?

DD (7:14 PM): I’ll never judge you for being who you really are

DD (7:14 PM): And polyamorous relationships usually go great

Patton didn’t know how to answer. It wasn’t the first time they talked about it.

No matter how many times Patton would say he’s not interested in anyone, D would try to say that he’s in love with Roman or one of his boyfriends.

Or act like he will be in love with someone someday.

But Patton highly doubted that and was pretty fine with it

Patton (7:15 PM): I know, D

Patton (7:15 PM): I love you

DD (7:16 PM): I need to go back now, I’ll talk to you tomorrow

Patton (7:16 PM): Good luck!

He never told his brother about being aromantic and all this talk actually makes him less inclined to do so. He knew he means well despite everything, so Patton never felt like yelling or fighting with him for insisting on it.

But at the same time…

He was so DONE.

It was already difficult for him to find out who he really is.

It was already a huge pain to see that the fact that he doesn’t feel OK with the idea of being romantically attached to someone. That this whole thing actually makes him feel sadder, empty and chained just by the simple thought of it because “that’s what everyone needs to feel”.

It was already difficult for him to see how he can explain his relationship with Logan, Virgil and Roman.

Yes, they were made for each other.

No, he never wants them to go away.

Yes, he loves them A LOT.

But his love was not romantic.

His 3 partners were dating each other romantically but they all see Patton as someone just as important in their lives, even if they don’t see him as a boyfriend.

When they found out about Queerplatonic Relationships it was like big realization and a good way to include Patton in their lives that was not just a simply “he’s my best friend”.

And that makes him so happy, special and wanted he didn’t need or wished anything else.

But it was almost like the whole world was revolved in romance and that was the only way for anyone to find happiness. Like not having a romantic partner meant you’d be “alone forever” as if that was the worst thing ever.

Patton was not alone.

Patton was not unhappy.

Patton was not repressing feelings anymore.

Patton was free. Patton was Patton.

And that was everything he needed.

Why wouldn’t anyone get this? Why was everyone so fixated on it? Why-

- No! – Patton murmured before eating one last cookie and getting up from the sofa and turning his TV off – I’m not letting this ruin my day. I’m gonna take a shower.

“Am I vital If my heart is idle? Am I doomed? … If lovelessness is godlessness Will you cast me to the wayside?” Moses Sumney - Doomed

Ok, maybe choosing this album to listen while taking a shower wasn’t a very uplifting choice. Not that his songs are bad. But they were not the type of songs for you to feel good, it’s more like a song to give you a relatable feeling. Something might make you say “yes, that’s what happens to me".

But the shower did gave him some good, since the cold water mixed with Moses’s voice echoing through the walls were relaxing and almost swooning, like meditating. Logan taught him how to fixate his thoughts in one single thing until he could slowly focus on the sensations of his surroundings and Patton particularly enjoyed doing this in the shower.

Patton threw his naked body in the bed and turned to see his own reflection in the mirror close to it.

He stared at his freckles, covering his entire brown body, and smiled as he remembered how Virgil made a small comment about how much he likes it because as a child he used to look at people with freckles and try to form constellations with them and it was like they have a little piece of the sky with them. That was the best “non-intentionally” cute comment he ever made.

He sat on the side of his bed and stared the mirror, giving more attention to his own details. He looked through his whole “galaxy body” passing some of his fingers through them, mentally picturing the whole sky moving around it. He never knew why but sometimes imagining things like this made him feel so good and at least for a second forget about everything else.

- Let’s see this galaxy dance.

He picked up his phone, chose the first song that came with shuffle mode and got up.

“You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable You are not a robot You're lovable, so lovable But you're just troubled” Marina and the Diamonds – I Am Not a Robot

This time he danced slowly and with his eyes closed.

His arms embracing his body and his movements had no shape or choreography.

It was just free and random.

Patton’s hands were running through his arms gently, like a self-cuddle, having this short moment to love himself.

He was moving his shoulders inclined his head behind and instead of just mouthing the lyrics, Patton allowed himself to actually sing.

He definitely was not.

He was a human being.

A lovely human being.

“It's okay to say you've got a weak spot You don't always have to be on top Better to be hated Than loved loved loved for what your not”

Later that night, now completely undercovers and almost ready to sleep, he received a photo from the chat group of Roman, Virgil and Logan in the cafeteria after watching their movie.

The image of the latino man and the black goth kissing each side of the ginger haired nerd made Patton smile fondly.

Patton (11:12 PM): Omg, you all look so adorable <3

Patton (11:12 PM): I’m happy you enjoyed your movie :3

Virgil (11:14 PM): Yeah, it was really cool

Virgil (11:15 PM): Logan and Roman wouldn’t stop geeking around it after the movie, they almost didn’t finished their meal

Roman (11:16 PM): Oh, come on! There were many things to think about after that

Virgil (11:17 PM): I’m not complaining, charming prince. It was cute seeing you theorizing things.

Roman (11:17 PM): UwU

Roman (11:20 PM): But hey! I guess we were not the only one who had a good movie night ¬u¬~

Roman sent a picture of his twin, laying on the living room’s couch, sleeping with his mouth open and his eyes slightly allowing to see his sclera as a short man with a small vitiligo around his left eye was sleeping on him with this arms embracing the rat man. Patton cooed upon the vision of his brother in such a lovely state.

Roman (11:22 PM): @Patton Morales blackmail? >:)

Patton (11:23 PM): Pffff come on, Roman. We both know none of us would do this xD

Roman (11:23 PM): Urgh, yeah you right…

Roman (11:23 PM): Ah to be a poor honest man, who loves his brother too much

Roman (11:23 PM): ú-ù

Virgil (11:25 PM): Say this for yourselves, I have no sympathy for those dirty little sinners

Roman (11:25 PM): omg VIRGIL!

Virgil (11:26 PM): Urrrrrrgh alright alright, I’m the one who’s not allowed to be a jerk. Sorry.

Roman (11:27 PM): I’m afraid some sins shall not be forgiven, sweet pudding… ú-ù

Virgil (11:27 PM): Tsc, fuck you then. I want my Nightmare Before Christmas DVDs back

Patton (11:27 PM): Omg, dears. Not this late at night xD

Virgil (11:28 PM): lol ok, Patt. Don’t worry, I was just kidding

Virgil (11:28 PM): I highly support your brothers

Virgil (11:29 PM): I love you all

Roman (11:29 PM): I love you too, storm cloud <3

Patton finished to curl up on his bed, hugging one of his pillows like a teddy bear and smiled to the phone screen with his lovely partners texts

Patton (11:30 PM): Hey, loves?

Virgil (11:30 PM): Yeah?

Roman (11:31 PM): Yes, Patton?

Patton (11:32 PM): I know this will sound random but… Thank you

Patton (11:32 PM): Thank you for being with me for so long

Patton (11:32 PM): Thank you for accepting and understanding me

Patton (11:33 PM): Thank you for being so kind and so nice and for having me in your lifes

Patton (11:33 PM): Having you as my partners was the best thing that ever happened to me and I don’t know how I’d be able to live without any of you

Patton (11:34 PM): I just have a lot of feelings hehe

Patton (11:34 PM): Anyway… That’s it. I’m going to sleep now but I had to say it.

Patton (11:35 PM): I love you, dears!