#sorry tawan about your life.
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here’s vegas homewrecker.mp4 bc marina called me on the phone and she had some stuff to say!
#kinnporsche the series#vegas theerapanyakul#vegaspete#vegasporsche#vegastawan#sorry tawan about your life.#fanvid#no one was sitting next to me on the plane home so i was working on this and i reallyhope no one behind me could see my screen.#or rather if they did i hope they have a lot of questions#kinnporsche
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Hello Claire,
First of all, thank you so much for everything you have been sharing these last few weeks about My Stand-In and Poom (and Up). It's such a treat ❤️
Was My Stand-In Poom's first project out of CH8 or was it Bake Me Please? I hope his popularity will rise and allow him to be cast in different kinds of show and role. Because it must be frustrating to always play the same type of character... And do you know in which agency does he belong please?
Have a nice day ❤️
hiiii (*˘︶˘*).。*♡
well thank you for following and always supporting my gifs i see you (。・ω・。)ノ♡
So Bake Me Please is actually Channel 8 (CH8)'s first ever BL series where they got their rising male actors (Ohm, Guide, Poom, Atom, Prame, Tawan) to star in, so BMP is actually a CH8 series.
I believe Poom's first ever non CH8 work is Saneha Stories Season 4: Saiyai Saneha (2022) which is a two-episode mini series based on the real life story of a gay man. This was aired on AIS Play and produced by TV Thunder.
Poom also has another comedy series Jenny A.M./P.M. (2022) on AIS Play but this was in collaboration with CH8 which is why there were some CH8 actors (Poom, Nonny, Prame) in the series. Poom plays the straight best friend of the male protagonist (played by Singto Prachaya).
So technically My Stand-In is Poom's 2nd or 3rd work outside of CH8 (depending on how you view the two projects above) but it is Poom's first lead role in a major production and Poom often refers to My Stand-In as his first ever lead role in interviews so that's Poom's position on it 😅
For some background on Poom's agency. He is managed by RSDG - a production/talent management subsidiary company of RS Group, a Thai entertainment and media company that owns CH8. So basically Poom is a Channel 8 actor but it seems that CH8 is a bit more laxed about their actors partaking in series outside of their network (but that also comes with a cost).
I've heard rumors that CH8 gave Poom an ultimatum between becoming 2ML in another CH8 lakorn or choosing to star in My Stand-In (a non CH8 work) and not having any CH8 lakorn projects left for the rest of the year. I have no idea the accuracy of this rumor but I guess all we gotta do is look at Poom's schedule for the rest of this year and see if he's got anything else other than MSI fanmeetings here and there ಥ_ಥ
But I have a lot of fun watching Poom playing his evil lakorn villain roles at CH8 as well and I think those scenes helped greatly in honing his acting skills throughout his acting career so far (you can watch Poom being very stiff in his early works and the gradual improvement progress over the course of his lakorn works). If you pick a random CH8 lakorn with Poom, his character is sure to be killing or dying or crying or getting mad or fucking someone (sometimes all of the above).
Whatever the future holds for Poom, I'm very happy that he chose My Stand-In because I can't imagine a world where we do not get Poom Phuripan as Joe. Poom expresses a lot of happiness from finally getting positive reactions about his acting performances for the first time, which is a thing that I think lakorn actors will hardly get (especially if you play supporting roles at an obscure TV channel with low to average viewership). I also feel like Poom is pretty happy to finally get to play a character that's so close to his personality in real life (bonus the fact that his character isn't dying or going to jail).
I too hope that My Stand-In will be the breakthrough project Poom needed to get the attention and the opportunities he deserved after being much underrated and typecasted at CH8, manifesting many interesting scripts and acting opportunities come his way 🥹
sorry op i hope i answered some of your inquiries. i totally get carried away whenever i'm rambling. tldr: poom is managed by rsdg group so officially speaking, he's an actor for channel 8 but sometimes they let him out to star in non-ch8 works.
#poom phuripan#my stand in#my stand in the series#bake me please#jenny am pm#saneha stories 4: saiyai saneha#saiyai saneha#claire replies#manifeting poom can escape ch8 to go independent the way bright rapheephong escaped ch3#i s2g the moment bright got out of ch3 he immediately got 4 different works lined up 3 series and a film#GURL LIKE I NEED THIS ENERGY FOR POOM#claire opens her goddamn mouth
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Okay, last one, I promise - and no need to answer ANY of these, obviously. I'm just in the mood to be annoying today. 🙈💕
Top 5 KinnPorsche scenes - WITH and WITHOUT VP (because I think the latter would be really interesting) 👀
BLESS YOU FOR THAT, YOU KNOW ME TOO WELL (and you are not annoying AT ALL 💕💕💕)
Top 5 VP scenes
Ep 12 hedgehog funeral + sex scene
I meeeeean. I mean. I mean!!!!!!! When is a monster not a monster? When you see him utterly broken sobbing over his dead pet and your catastrophic empathy instinct kicks in because you see yourself in him and him in you and you KNOW this will backfire but need NEED to go back anyway and it NEEDS to be your choice and it KEEPS being your choice and kissing him is your choice and fucking him is your choice and offering up your wrists is your choice and you fucking SMILE because for once you got everything you wanted and for just a minute the whole world falls into its proper place.
Ep 13 break-up scene
My beloved. This is legit one of my favourite scenes in any piece of media, ever. It enraptures me. It's every terrible, beautiful, instinctual decision that they've made together being CRUSHED by the world outside their safehouse/prison/escape/condemnation and exploding in their faces. It is everything to me. It's inevitable. And so necessary even though it hurts like hell.
Ep 13 alleyway scene
THE DRAMA. Vegas with his prince hair pulling his One Move. Pete with the cigarette and the realisation and the gun. They both look so insanely good sorry for being shallow. But GOD. "Don't you want me to disappear?" "Shoot me!" "I don't think you can. And you know why." like ugh UGH it's the PEAK of fucked up romance! Vegas risking it all on Pete feeling the same and not caring if he loses his life on that bet, Pete unable to even speak in response but just breaking down in Vegas's arms because he can't and he knows.
Ep 14 pool scene
Okay now obviously this one is also everything to me. It's... yeah. This scene was to my brain what a magnet is to a VHS tape. I lost the ability to form coherent thoughts for multiple days. I still can't adequately express everything this scene means to me. It's a masterclass in writing and character work and ACTING!!!! Like with anyone else this scene could have failed massively but instead we got CINEMA. My favourite, most unhinged viewing experience of my entire life. Maybe if I loved it less I might be able to talk about it more.
Ep 14 epilogue
THE SOFT EPILOGUE THEY DESERVE. Their lives have beaten them down into the dirt, they've nearly lost their humanity entirely, they barely know how to be people and yet. They find each other. They choose each other. They live for each other. And they get happiness as a reward, and a family they will keep choosing again and again and again.
I could have picked so many other scenes, literally any of their scenes! But 12-14 really is just hit after hit of some of the best television ever created so. holy shit there's a whole other half to this ask OOPS- Top 5 KP scenes (no VP)
Ep 1 Porsche and Chay
Porsche wiping his tears away and hugging his little brother is what sold me on his character and really the entire show.
Ep 5 Porsche breaking down in the bathroom
Talk about a masterclass in acting. Phenomenal.
Ep 6 final scene
All the lead up too. Kinn apologising, Porsche deliberately failing rock paper scissors, Kinn's speech when they escape, Porsche running back to kiss him. GORGEOUS.
Ep 10 warehouse scene
Oh I live for gloves-off Vegas. And the horriblest little man Tawan. Sleeveless Kim. Big's sacrifice.
Ep 14 office scene
I'm being soooo good and not counting this as a VP scene but like. Oh I love it. Namphueng reveal, "you're just as bad as papa was", "the truth that Namphueng is-", Vegas surrounded by a halo of guns, Korn at his most menacing, "I can't keep betraying my feelings", the look between Porsche and Pete, I-. I love it. There's just so much to keep coming back to.
#ask game#misspoetree#THANK U SO MUCH FOR THIS ONE#sorry my answers are all quite basic but they're beloved scenes for a reason!
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hiiiiii, i just found your blog and saw you talking about how pete and porsche aren't the besties in the show that so many people see them as which is a thought i've had for some time; like, don't get me wrong, i like peteporsche being besties (and maybe being besties that kiss each other) and i love when people write them that way (especially post-canon) BUT i personally just never thought that they were that close in show-canon, idk......i have trouble putting my thoughts into words but when i rewatched the show at the beginning of the year i was actually kinda surprised by how these two don't really feel like bffs, and yeah i know pete went into hell specifically for porsche but then again, porsche just kinda forgets he did that? and then the bathroom scene(s)? idk i just feel there is so much complicated mess.....so yeah, my thoughts are pretty much jumbled and difficult to parse, lmao, i'm sorry
also sorry for just coming into your inbox like this, lmao, but i would love to hear more of your thoughts on them and how they interact in the show (if you are willing to share, of course)!!!
Hi there! Firstly, thank you so much for reaching out to me. I love talking about KP in general - VP and Pete more specifically - so your message was very welcome. Now, Pete and Porsche's relationship is such a fascinating thing, I could really talk for hours about it. On the surface level, they seem close but upon further inspection, it turns out that - as @therealblessedaffliction mentioned - Porsche is closer to Vegas of all people than to Pete. There are reasons for this of course. Pete is part of the main family, the family that basically forced Porsche into working for them. He's loyal to Kinn, a person Porsche was at first wary of/mad at. He doesn't believe Pete when he tells him he's the most normal person in the house and he generally ignores his advice until the incident with the minor family happens, when Pete tells him about how Kinn saved his life and to basically get his head out of his ass. They have their cute moments throughout the show but even in those, it's all surface level; Porsche doesn't trust Pete with the information of kissing Kinn or of what Kinn did to him. He doesn't trust him with the information of being in a relationship with Kinn. He doesn't think twice about him when he's rescued by Kinn and the gang in ep 10 and when Kinn is worried about Pete due to his odd behaviour, Porsche doesn't even consider the possibility of sth being off, even though he should have. Cue the Hum Bar scene, in which Porsche just brings Pete along to give to Vegas as a bargaining chip without (evident) remorse and that solidifies the belief I have that Pete and Porsche are colleague buddies, not actual friends. They work well together, they have good platonic chemistry, they totally understand each other, even if they don't show it, but they aren't friends. (Porsche is oblivious to this, just as he's oblivious to the fact that punching the guy who caused his supposed friend physical and psychological harm, as well as threatening him to not do it again, means jack shit when he's the one giving Vegas the chance to hurt Pete once more) That brings me to Pete who, god bless his kind soul, decided to risk his life for Porsche when it wasn't even that necessary? One thing that had confused me about ep 10 and Kinn's plan is that he said he needed the proof of Tawan and Vegas cooperating but in the end it was kind of pointless? Maybe he needed the proof to give it to their partners or sth but whatever the case, it doesn't matter. What matters is that Pete embarked on a mission with high probabilities of failure (and death) because he trusted Porsche and he wanted to help him. We're talking about a man that gave his grandma's food to a stranger the first time he saw him, a man who tried to push back against Tankhun to spare Porsche of his humiliating punishment, a man that risked angering his scary boss by giving him advice to help fix their relationship. What I'm trying to say is, Pete is empathetic af and for those he deems worthy being a sacrifice for, he'll gladly do it. Porsche was one of them.
Btw, I totally believe Porsche thinks him and Pete are friends. His attitude towards him is friendly, he's teasing him and their conversations are those you have with friends, not someone you're not that familiar with. He calls him everyday in the 1 month we never saw to ask how Vegas is doing, encouraging Pete that he'll get better. I just don't think Pete believes the same. Porsche has shown that he's oblivious about many things in the series and this fact, I believe, is one of them. I hope my answer satisfied you, I'm just rambling at this point and I repeated myself a couple of times. They're so fascinating though so my enthusiasm got the better of me haha. P.S. It would have been cool if Pete and Porsche had actually kissed in episode 4 but that would kind of go against Pete's philosophy of "Kissing is for people that we like only" and it would go against the headcanon I have that Pete doesn't like being touched/isn't intimate with anyone before Vegas (sth I'll write meta about soon :3)
#Love how each relationship in this show can be analyzed so thoroughly#It's incredible how much PetePorsche content we got and I still wanted more#I fucking love exploring them#and watching them be goofballs as well as serious#The bathroom scene in ep 13 is the best scene in the whole show#I stand by that belief with all my heart#pete saengtham#porsche kittisawasd#character analysis
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Saw someone commenting on your most recent poll. Ken really did die than betray Vegas. Like the backstabber that he is, he chose death over the possibility of pardon. What is with these mafia men and people throwing their lives away for them?? Like I feel so so so sorry for Tawan. I really do. Yes he was an asshole but my god the manipulation he got subjected to, ultimately committing suicide...nah man. Like Vegas is babygorl...but damn sometimes I wanna fuck him up so bad.
Rip Big.
Rip Tawan and Ken. You were shitty but hey even you all didn't deserve the way Vegas played you.
It's the conditioning they go through. These are adult men who are trained to worship their bosses.
Pete had that same mentality. We all say it's cute that he volunteered to go into the minor family to clear Porsche's name. OH, so cute.
But Pete clearly knew that he might die or get captured. He chose to put his life on the line, just to clear Kinn's boyfriend's name. (Whether he did that for Kinn or Porsche is unclear) But the fact remains that these bodyguards will sell their body and soul for the safety and comfort of their bosses.
I like how subtle the show was about it. They never TOLD us that was the case. They SHOWED us. They showed us goofy bodyguards who get scared of movies, who listen in on important family discussions, who get drunk, who sang and danced.
But they also showed us bodyguards whose entire demeanor changed the moment their boss was put in danger.
Ken and Big were given the chance to offer up their lives. And they took it. But I also believe that any other bodyguard would have done the same.
Tawan was rather unfortunate. But I would say his conditioning was a little different, because...
He went off script.
Vegas clearly had a plan and Tawan chose to do his own thing. He chose to escape from the main family, rather than remain there... where Vegas had asked him to stay. Tawan RUINED Vegas' plans because of self preservation. Something that Big, Ken and Pete do not have.
Which was probably why Vegas didn't give him a choice. Vegas needed him to stay behind and keep Kinn from following. Rather than ask, the way Kinn asked Pete, the way Kim asked Big, rather than ask, Vegas shot Tawan. To keep him at the warehouse. Because, unlike the bodyguards, even though Tawan was on Vegas' side, he still had self preservation. He still had a mind of his own. If he got scared enough, he would have abandoned Vegas' plan. AGAIN.
But Ken, Big and Pete, they chose to sacrifice themselves. And that says something so very fucked up about what he families teach their bodyguards about self worth.
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"the bdsm is just a part of that that imo doesn't stand on its own without the emotional devastation. thank you for coming to my ted talk"
Exactly! Fucking this!! Like Vegas didn't fall for Pete because he found no other suitable partner sexually. If that's the basis of their relationship, how long would it take for Vegas or Pete to move on when they encounter someone more compatible ( and there always can be someone more compatible).
Also so so true about the pool scene. Pete could have said million other things ( I am not too mad about the "I am hungry", kind of like it) but then he chooses I am your pet, aren't I? And my god I wanted to slap someone. Like whenever I sent asks to people regarding this, they were like oh no no it was to steer Vegas away from harming himself. And I was...like that?! I also wanted more of an ambiguous ending. Like Pete torn between what happened at the safehouse ( the abuse , the talk, the romance, then the devastating day when Gun came etc) and his current feelings ( Vegas risking in to say that he is sorry, Vegas can't make himself shoot at Pete, Vegas confessing and wanting to die by Pete's hands, Vegas being shot at and the horror of losing him). I also think that if Pete was Kinn's most trusted to the point of actually him choosing Pete over Big ( just how?) for the mission...there should be more dilemma on Pete's part. He loves Vegas, might have been the one looking after Macau but there's still his loyalty for the main family. Wanting to be with Tankhun out of his sense of duty. Wanting to be with Porsche ( you know the guy for whom he took on the risky mission?) after his discovery of the not dead mom. And yet Pete isn't now just someone who feels like his purpose is to fade...he has finally been seen.
If that's the basis of their relationship, how long would it take for Vegas or Pete to move on when they encounter someone more compatible
*shouts this from rooftops, blazes this with tumblr blaze* bcuz yes. that's exactly it. you cracked it open everyone else go home
and yes, I'll rectify and say I liked the 'I'm hungry' bit and i love and understand their ongoing hunger motif. it's the pet thing that leaves me..... confused? for lack of a better word? like what does that resolution mean for their third act conflict? if Pete said 'I'm just an object to project your feelings on,' what does it mean that the only ostensible reason for Vegas not killing himself is their pet-owner dynamic? what does it mean for Pete's self-worth statement? how does it make any sense with the later hospital scene, when Vegas admits that Pete is not his pet anymore, but the most important person in his life? these all feel like threads of a conclusion for the pairing, almost as if there were several possible endings in the writers room and Pond said. actually let's just have them all :)
And yet Pete isn't now just someone who feels like his purpose is to fade...he has finally been seen.
let's caveat this with: kinnporsche is a show powered primarily by trope, shock value and melodrama. I try as much as possible to meet it at its own level, but that doesn't mean there can't be good faith critique of what it tries to achieve. your point is exactly why I was left frustrated by much of the latter half of the show. as a viewer you feel gaslit: Vegas claims Pete is the most important person in his life. we get Pete screen time galore. we have Pete go through trials and tribulations, yet why does Pete still feel like an extra? rather than creating a meaningful arc for him, the writing continues treating him as an afterthought.
compare that with Vegas, whose love arc with Pete is beautifully intertwined with his primary internal conflict (his positioning by his father as a competition object to the main family). while Vegas drives the Tawan pinch point and the safehouse arc, it's Pete's own decision to kiss Vegas and start their sexual relationship. his agency doesn't stop there: Pete also makes the decision to escape Vegas and then later on to punish Vegas physically and stick with Vegas as he gets shot and recovers. the reasoning behind these choices remains, however, nebulous to the viewer.
Pete deciding to escape the safehouse after starting a sexual relationship with Vegas--how does it integrate into the larger history of who Pete is? why is a bdsm relationship with his captor appealing to Pete to begin with? why does Pete decide to "take Vegas back" after Vegas's love confession and the parking lot punching during the coup? is this reflective of Pete's values as a character? was that enough for him to consider the conflict resolved?
these are all questions unanswered by the show. Pete feels like an extra because the writing treats him as such: unlike every other protagonist, we don't have a single benchmark for his inner conflicts except a violent past under his father's boxing abuse. at the end of the day, all of his actions are actually re-actions: to Kinn ordering him to follow Vegas, to Vegas's abuse, etc. to me, the only real, fully agentic action Pete takes (as I, the viewer, understand what exactly powers his choices), is when he offers Vegas his own life story in episode 11: I see you and I recognize your pain and suffering. here is how I surpassed mine.
#asks#sorry i could go on about this forever but i really really appreciate ur thoughts like plz#KEEP EM COMING#(actually i should be working on my wip so don't)#(but do)#(but also dont) <- me to myself
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✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)
(prev) hmm, maybe Hair-Trigger? like, it got a good response, i'm very grateful to everyone who's read it ❤❤❤ i don't mean in a 'im looking for more hits' sort of way, i just really love Porsche & Kim as a duo and spin them around in my head like a shiny rock all the time. this mostly manifests in me spamming tortoise with Kim & Porsche snippets and thoughts that never seem to flesh out into proper fics, so Hair-Trigger has a special spot in my heart because it's my one finished Porsche & Kim fic and I want everyone to look at Porsche being extremely fond of Kim and Kim feeling all sorts of things about how fond Porsche seems to be of him (surely???? this is a trick????? he is so nice and smiley????????? a mystery)
💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?
i like them all!! i genuinely enjoy all "types" of comments for different reasons, it feels weird to rank them against each other. so long as the comment is excited to engage with me/gush over idiot nerds together, i'm excited to answer and chat with them (although, i am. very behind on my inbox rn. hjghjg im sorry friends, i promise i will respond even tho it might be v late 😂💦)
💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?
I've actually been rewriting a *checks date* 5.5 yr old yoi WIP (*winces*) for a while now. very slow as my attention gets drawn away, but i love epistolary fic and there's a funny satisfaction without pressure to re-writing it.
but the story rewrite that actually has been sitting on my head for...forever really, is my ft story Jinxed. i was very new to fandom/writing fic when i first posted it, and at the time i'd just posted what i wrote and then went "...wait, how the fuck do you write a multi-chapter story???" and i really psyched myself out of posting more for it.
however, it's always like...sat in the back of my head, even after the fandom bullshit and when ft went to shit. because i just...don't like soulmate/soulmark AUs. 😅 the reasons behind my dislike for the trope are uh...kinda long and extensive actually, so i'll save that for a different post if anyone cares enough to ask, but the premise in this story of two girls with mismatched timers who fall in love and choose each other anyways is one i'm extremely drawn to. and i'm still like, figuring out how to write long stories, and i'm never going to write again for ft, so whenever i look over the old story drafts and notes, i'm actually thinking about it as an original story. not one i've started and maybe i'll stumble into a fandom that i want to apply this premise to, but...after i figure out long-form stories, i really want to swing by this one again, if simply to have it stop haunting my brain every few months.
(rest under the cut because i am rambly lol)
🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?
hmm Silver for Truth is the obvious one since i whined about it taking a yr+ to write, but i think everyone understands when i say Tawan is an annoying ass bitch to write.
i'm actually going to cheat and say the freezer!Kim WIP i'm writing with @majestictortoise. there's a few different POVs in this story and one of them is Porsche's POV, and there is something about Porsche's POV specifically that i find very hard to capture. even when i know what i want from his arc and character struggles, post-canon Porsche carries around some conflicting beliefs and mindsets that i find really tricky to write, plus he's also a guy of action who's been forced to a standstill and i want to capture that trapped feeling without making it obnoxious. he's just tricky to me in a way that other characters aren't. (i actually ran into this issue with Hair-Trigger too, except it wasn't so hard because that's a fic about him Doing A Thing He Wants To Do, which is why i was able to write it within the timeframe i did. oh Porsche, ilu, why do u stick in my head so. orz)
🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?
everything? idk, my reaction after i post a fic is to either Stare At My Inbox or desperately try to distract myself from the fact that i Posted A Fic, which really go to show how secure i feel about my writing 😂 i try very hard not to let a fic's reception get to me when i post because i've been down that road and it's really bad for me. all fic i post is fic for me, but i haven't hit the carefree attitude of "idc what you think, its for me first and foremost" yet.
🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?
there's nothing that makes me want to give up on writing specifically. i wail and cry when stuff isn't flowing right, but like. so i had an irl thing run me over like a truck april/may of this year and it's bullshit kept spilling out through june and july too, so i had like no time or energy to write or even spend much time on fandom stuff for four months, and i went absolutely bananas. i need to do something creative to feel good, and writing is my favorite of those.
posting...posting is a different story 😂 weirdly if im chasing the high of posting a fic/the high of comments on fic, i dont like to post as much. the hill in my head is too much to get around, so that ig.
🌿how does creating make you feel?
*points up*
also prev
🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?
...this is such a weird question lmao (not u, the person who made the question list should have deleted this). i've always found writing as a good way of examining my internal biases and preconceptions i might not have otherwise had opportunity to find and reflect upon so clearly, and i'm going to leave it at that.
🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?
fuck if i know what my writing style is 😂
🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing
*curls up in more shy* hmm, i really like reading my own stories. like, i always have cyclic periods of "oh god this is garbage what the fuck was i thinking" feelings for each of my fics, but i know now that feeling is brief and it'll be gone soon enough and it will stay gone longer than it comes. the person who reads my stories the most is me, and the fact that i want to go back to read them again is really important to me.
🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)
i don't think i linger so much on the actual posting of the fic, but i return to my fics a lot and i've also started paying more attention to how much i post. i'm trying to find a balance between acknowledging that i posted stories vs "oh god, im not posting ENOUGH," but back at the turn of this year, i was really bummed that i didn't get as much posted during december as i had set out to do, specifically because i felt like 2021 had been a really strong year and i'd let myself down not finishing as many fics in 2022. then i actually checked my AO3 stats for 2021 to 2022, and realized i'd posted 4x as much in 2022 than i had in 2021. over 100k words altogether even!
i think i'm getting off topic, but between rereading my own stuff pretty frequently and trying to get a better grasp on how much i've actually posted vs what's in my head, i think i celebrate pretty often? idk 😂
💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language
characters!!! everything's built around the characters. i love worldbuilding, making up worlds is a lot of fun, but i worldbuild through the lens of "what am i interested in?" (which starts with characters) and "how does this affect x?" (because if it doesn't matter to/affect the character, it shouldn't be a priority to me). similarly, plots exist for me to put Specific Guys Into Situations. a plot can be objectively interesting, but i'm not going to stick to it if i don't care about the people going thru it, my brain just doesn't focus like that.
the actual writing of the story is lowest priority on my list. there's a lot of writing types i don't like, but i can muscle thru a lot in the name of a good cast or plot. similarly, i don't give a flying fuck how pretty or polished a writer thinks their sentences are, if the actual story is boring or OOC, i am not reading it. or i am reading it and bitching extensively in friends DMs, which is worse. 😂
💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?
honestly, hard for me to answer because i'm actively trying not to think about what sort of response i do get. i guess one that still amuses me quite a bit is the response to my fic Shining Dishonesty (howls moving castle AU for haikyuu!!). i love this story to bits and i really love the comments i have on it, but it's weird/funny to me because it's my most recommended and mentioned fic on twitter, but it's one of my lowest in terms of kudos & comments. idk what's up with that 😂
🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?
*big shrug emoji* nothing that comes to mind???
maybe Silver for Truth, just a little bit???? everyone got the message of "get fucked Tawan" but there was also a little more pity for Tawan than i'd expected. like, not really, because Tawan's annoying, but i don't know that everyone quite caught Khun's trap for Tawan in it. Tawan could've completely turned things around for Vegas and ruined Kinn's lie by confessing his own failures/betrayals and accepting the consequences, except Tawan puts himself before all others, even someone he claims to love.
🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?
honestly? i don't remember the specific writing issues once something is done. even for something that takes me a while to write. usually my writing hang-ups are related to irl stressors. Pitch It was an extremely hard fic for me to write, but that was because it had a deadline attached to it while i was also trying to come up with money for a new car after my previous one was totaled 😂 and while i approach all stories with a vague plot in mind, it's purposefully vague so i can adapt to where's best for the story to go. that's the part i look forward to the most when writing lol.
💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.
lol i don't even have to sort my stories to know which one is my least number of hits/kudos. it's by dawn's early light, which i wrote for the bnha myths zine, and it is literally one of my favorite fics i've ever written. there's some stuff i would've done differently now, but i liked it when i finished it, i liked even thru that fucking project's mess, and i liked it enough to post it after the project was finished, and that is probably the highest praises i can give that particular fic.
(this response probably doesn't make much sense to anyone who hasn't participated in a zine before and i'm not going to burden you with context if you haven't, but like. trust me. that's saying a lot 😂)
🍭why did you start writing?
to make a dick joke. i haven't changed.
💎why is writing important to you?
it's just fun. i really like doing it and i really like connecting with people over it/through it.
🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?
i re-read the story about a bajillion times in that first week. you'd think i'd be sick of it by the time it's posted, but the satisfaction of having finished something changes the way i read it and i just bask in that.
📡why is writing and sharing your writing important for fandom?
another terrible question in this otherwise nice questions list.
i like it, so i do it, and i'm lucky enough to have made friends through it.
🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?
i'm excited if anyone wants to make a podfic of my work and i give general permission for it, but it's not something i seek out specifically. i have very bad ears, it just doesn't really cross my mind.
🤲what do YOU get out of writing?
*points up however many questions ago* it's very fulfilling for me and i like it a lot. i'm lucky enough to have also made connections to others by way of writing, but first and foremost is i enjoy the actual act of it.
💋when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?
maybe? idk, i leave comments because i like to leave comments. i like hearing back, but its not like im leaving a comment looking for that. wrong mindset for this question, u know?
☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?
*sighs* this fucking questionnaire maker lmao.
responding to fics is fun for everyone. it's a great way to make new friends if that's the fandom experience you're hoping for (same goes for responding to edits, art, etc). if you're anxious to start talking to people or leaving comments or whatever, take the babysteps you need to try to push and expand your comfort zone. and be gentle on yourself -- there's no "right" way to interact with fandom, and you don't have to be perfect at what you want to do right away either.
but if that's not the way you want to interact with fandom, you don't have to. there's nothing wrong with "lurking" and frankly i care about my stuff being enjoyed (even if i never hear about it!), not the ~proper~ way to be in fandom or whatever. furthermore, my healthy fandom experience is regulating and maintaining my own reactions to the reception (or lack of) i get when i post so that it stays fulfilling for me, and that's how i create my healthy fandom experience.
🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?
mostly i look inwards to see what exactly im dissatisfied with and examine why. there's plenty of stuff that i wish had a bigger reception, but i focus on things that i can control (what im happy with in a story, what i enjoyed about the process, talking about it more in my own blog space so people can choose to engage or ignore, etc) and push myself to that framework of mind. the worst thing you can do is focus on things you can't control, especially something as random and fickle as other people's reactions or a post/story hitting the trend wave just right.
💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!
timeloop AU!! (prev)
timeloop AU will be 3 chapters + an epilogue. first chapter is Kim POV, the second one is Big POV, and third is Chay POV. Kim is the first one trapped in the timeloop. Big joins him later. Chay never does.
💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!
in my fic Single Star Review, Khun goes to university and then starts seeking extra therapy help. i am Extremely excited for this one, but one of my favorite-favorite parts of it is Khun dismissively says "it's not like i can call Kim and gossip about boys" and Flop (the therapist, no that's not actually his name) asks Khun "why not" and Khun stares through a wall for a solid three minutes realizing hey, he CAN call Kim to talk about boys actually.
-later that night-
Khun: Kim! Kimmy-Kim my littlest kin! forget your other plans, tonight we are painting our nails and gossiping about BOYS
Kim: what the fuck
Khun: my therapist thinks i should try talking to you about stuff
Kim: THERAPIST?!
Khun: THAT'S NOT THE IMPORTANT PART HOW DO I HANDLE HAVING A CRUSH
(Kim is, ofc, over the moon and extremely excited when his brain catches up with his ears, even though he's a total little brother about it.)
💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!
Red Line fic is the first installment of a 4-fic series (tortoise is laughing at me for thinking it'd stop with 1). mostly because it immediately dived into one of my favorite variations for how Chay kills Korn.
Korn's death is not a fix-it.
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“Once I met him, nothing could have mattered, Tawan. Even if we were more than what we are now. It would have been a bigger mess, would have caused a bigger wound but it wouldn’t have changed anything.” — the scream I let out at this!!!! The title has finally connected with the story!!! You Were There Written In My Stars! IT WAS FATED. Porsche is Kinn's destiny and no matter the path Kinn took in life, he would always end up in love with Porsche. And it all comes together so perfectly with how you have been sprinklying little bits of the canon dialogues and scenes all throughout the fic. You said what would happen if this is when Kinn met Porsche and then you said, HAH! it would still be the same chips! Maybe in another flavour but still, essentially the same thing because "Once I met him, nothing could have mattered"
I'm sorry, dont't mind me. I really really fucking love your story and I am a bit of a mess right now.
Fun fact: that was the first line i wrote in this story. Everything else - the title, the scenes and the plot, has sprung from it. So yeah, I'm fucking ecstatic that you made the connection anon! and about how you bloody nailed the over-arching motif down. I simply adore you, you perceptive little anonymous reader.
p.s. i am absolutely going to send this to my friends because 'same bag of chips, just different flavours' is the best description of an Au that i have ever heard in my life.
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Liveblogging notes for Ep 10.
Belated episode 9 reflection - Kim grew up in a world without innocence. He's what, ~4 years younger than Kinn? So was that much younger when whatever happened to their mother, and when Khun's kidnapping took place. He has a kind of caution that results from putting an observant child on the periphery of fucked up situations.
On to the episode.
Porsche has dropped the polite mode when he talks to Vegas? And now he's run off with him? Leaving Kinn hoping he hasn't just made the biggest mistake of his entire life??
Back to Chay. So was there a makeout session here, or a nap or...? Entertaining contrast from their older siblings' sex marathon.
Oh no, Kim.exe has crashed. You really are a Theerapanyakul; total fail at intimacy. Give yourself some time. More food, hm - but it doesn't get eaten.
Wow, broad daylight kidnapping Chay. There certainly is more plot happening all the sudden.
Kinn back to the power suits, no more cuddly. Big is suspicious. I kinda like how he always has his hands in his pockets? I don't know why.
Oh no Pete you just broke my entire heart with that speech. So brave. (I was so glad when he legit did find something useful.) Back on my chess metaphor, this is when his "piece" gets promoted from pawn to... knight, maybe? It goes unremarked in the dialog, but he has literally switched sides here. Would he have gone back in there on Kinn's orders? Absolutely. He wants to do it for Porsche.
Your writers know absolutely nothing about computer security. And how the hell did Tawan get out of the place? Oh right, mole.
Well this is getting very democratically unpleasant.
Tawan is legit pathetic. Still kinda gross. I can never get over how (relatively) short Vegas is. Porsche is SO confused. Vegas finally clues us in regarding his long game. It's evil! I love it! Porsche, wasn't untying yourself day one training?
This is probably the biggest family gathering Kim has attended in years. He's got Chay and Porsche is probably like who the fuck is that?! never mind, gotta fight people.
NOOOOOOOO I knew it was coming but damn. :( RIP perpetually annoyed supporting character, you deserved better. I hope Kim writes you a beautiful song.
Oh Kinn you will not let him live nobody's buying that.
Wow Vegas says a lot of shit. Even Porsche is like WTF that is messed up?? Spoilers did not prepare me for this whole Tawan/Vegas side story. Just put this guy out of his misery, yikes. Not right now, given that you're directly in one another's line of fire though.
That did indeed end poorly -- very much so for Big and Tawan, a little less for Chay, and kinda for Vegas who is now in a lot of trouble.
Kinn smoking this is new? Any chemical coping mechanism in a storm I suppose; this was not a good night for him.
I'm not sure if I'm going to watch the Pete/Vegas stuff or not. I hesitated to watch the show at all on account of this plot. Not here to harsh on anyone who likes that part of the story, just not my personal jam. Gotta say that is some intense eye contact there though. (What is with this show and freshman actors in major roles absolutely knocking it out of the park?)
Gun (? I've seen his name romanized like three different ways now) is pissed. Hard power vs. soft - we would never see Korn do something like that... himself.
Family meeting. Kinn's already down to the bottom of the glass (once I notice stuff like this I can't stop, sorry). "Your guy who betrayed us" nice verbal positioning there Gun. Khun not letting him get away with it, good job. Not quite ready to throw Vegas under the bus, eh.
Interesting micro-nod from Kinn there. He is so annoyingly hard to read in this setting. That was after Gun's line about punishment - an acknowledgement that yeah, he does want that, so what?
He lost Big, Could have lost Porsche. Chay's gotten dragged into it, which has dragged Kim into it. No matter how generally inured you are to violence, having your ex-lover shoot himself in the head three feet away is a little rough. And as much as he and Vegas hate each other, I doubt Kinn's thrilled that things have gotten to this point.
Gutsy move there, Gun! Korn would never kill him though (not with an audience anyway, or unless a last resort). That would completely upset Korn's whole meticulously arranged system. Gun (probably) knows that, and by forcing the question he removes the possibility that he'll get shot right now from the table.
Korn also (again, probably) won't let Kinn do it, and right now he is the bigger threat; Gun's eyes are mostly on Kinn in this scene, not his own brother. At Korn's "someone must be responsible for this," Gun looks at Kinn, who has another of those almost invisible nods. (There's his intro scene energy again. Mom must have been an interesting person. The main family and Kinn personally are surrounded by water, which is feminine? I don't know much about Thai symbology. Was she the last good chess opponent Korn had?)
Korn isn't going to let Kinn kill Gun for the above reason that he wants Gun right where he is, also because it would hand off way too much authority to Kinn, and finally (I suspect) because he wants to kill Gun. You can't go around letting people do things they find satisfying, what fun is that. (If Gun will hand over Vegas, though? Kinn can kill him, no great loss--or vice versa? Vegas is controllable. Kinn has been erratic lately. Just musing here, back to the episode.)
Victory doesn't come from taking advantage of the weak? Dude that is literally your entire livelihood. Making Gun accept that label of weak in public is far better than shooting him as far as Korn is concerned. Gun watching Kinn finish his drink, both of them aware that he would have pulled the trigger.
Still smoking. Stress-induced reversion to an old habit? They're arguing, but they're talking; I'll take it. Just gonna kiss the stupid out of each other, huh. Outside in broad daylight though, y'all getting reckless. Also getting better at fighting and making up like regular people. Kinn is not relying on vibes and sex, but explicitly checking in to agree the argument is over (a thing lots of people with much more relationship experience never learn, tbh).
So Chay wants Porsche to quit - not surprising - and it seems like Porsche is not inclined to? And Kinn kinda forgot about Pete...? On the other hand, at least there's besotted looks and cuddling.
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I posted 8,117 times in 2022
That's 5,406 more posts than 2021!
51 posts created (1%)
8,066 posts reblogged (99%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@jung-koook
@gunsatthaphan
@namchyoon
@gabrielokun
@chanstopher
I tagged 999 of my posts in 2022
#kinnporsche - 265 posts
#bts - 219 posts
#kinnporsche the series - 192 posts
#btsgif - 142 posts
#vegaspete - 106 posts
#asianlgbtqdramas - 106 posts
#* - 104 posts
#kinnporscheedit - 104 posts
#jungkook - 103 posts
#bangtan - 100 posts
Longest Tag: 119 characters
#when is run bts coming back i need to see them on the same team againnnnnnnnn 😭😭😭😭😭 its been too long 😭😭😭😭😭😭
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
So im back with an update !!
Can Kinnporsche just kill me already ….
I think I need to have this gif ready for everytime Tawan comes on the screen!
But I will admit Kim and Vegas are growing on me… but just cause I love their other half’s.
Pete&Vegas Urgh those two are gonna kill me when they get together
See the full post
14 notes - Posted June 5, 2022
#4
Semantic Error Review !
I actually took notes … I’m serious about this review.
When I thought to my star was enemies to lovers … it’s so tame compared to this!
Holly crap … I was episode 3 thinking are they gonna keep this up till like episode 8.
I have no idea why I was not wanting to watching this. It’s like ticking all the boxes and that’s only up to episode three.
Like how many tropes can they fit in to this series, neighbours … enemies to lovers … slow burn …. Bully …. Urgh … just stop already but in a good way.
Another thing … Urgh the darts … am I right ? Like just I can watch him do that all day!
Urgh the returning costume scene … stop my beating heart !!! Like I was cheering for a kiss but no straight for the ear whisper *faint*
Okay I lost track in adding to my review but damn hello start of episode 7 … Urgh
Okay episode 7&8 destroyed me
Final answer I give it 10 ⭐️ out of 5.
Blew my mind !!!!
16 notes - Posted March 11, 2022
#3
Geez … last week it was YixDao & KinnxPorshe killing me with their steamy scenes now my babies SkyxJao are killing me !!!
Now please Cutie Pie & Kinnporche better me nice to me tomorrow!
I only have so much strength for these shows !!!
See the full post
19 notes - Posted May 7, 2022
#2
Let’s be honest …. Cutie Pie the series has got me hook line and sinker … I haven’t been this mad about a pair since Glee or even Teen wolf.
Like I have a count down on my phone to when the next ep airs …. I don’t need this shit in my life but I’m happy to drown in it.
So anybody got recs for BL Drama …. Send them my way …. Please and thank you
Also to anybody following me …. I’m sorry In advance …. Im gonna flood my blog full of all these couples
22 notes - Posted March 11, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Like … I don’t know what to say …. I’ve watched the first 4 episodes of Blueming …..
Like how cute !?!?
28 notes - Posted April 6, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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i didn’t plan to write more but my hand slipped. i blame @snailsweater for being so sweet in the tags, and maybe billie eilish a little bit for writing the 'i love you' song that ends me every time i hear it. and tumblr user kinnbig who talks about big and makes my poor little heart ache. my love language is writing random stuff in people's dms (or posts), and i am not even sorry.
- - - "You're an idiot," Chan says because the nurse is too polite to do that. Big's abdomen feels like it's been lit on fire, but the fresh dressing is stark white and sterile, and Big can recount all the things used to clean his wounds and how it happened. He thinks, hopes he can do it for Ken now.
"Sorry," he says because he cannot say, "I tore my stitches while cleaning the staircase so my neighbours don't freak out and call the police."
"What happened?" Chan, of course, asks. He does sound more worried than suspicious. It's the first time they've seen each other since Big got shot, since Big willingly took a bullet in hopes that Tawan could not destroy Kinn's life again. Big looks away before he encounters pity in Chan's gaze.
He doesn't know how to lie to Chan. It feels like lying to Kinn too much. It feels like walking on a tightrope made of razor blades.
"I want more time off," he finally says. It's not untruth, but it's not something Big would ever say. He never asks for anything, never wants anything other than protect Kinn, he expects Chan to shoot him just then and there.
But Chan just looks at him for a long time, then coughs, clears his throat and sounds almost choked up when he says: "You could have just asked, Big. You saved Porsche’s life, Khun Kinn will give you anything you want, kid."
Somehow it feels worse than a bullet for betrayal would have.
- - - Ken is asleep when Big returns. He is pale, almost lifeless, but his chest moves slowly with each inhale and exhale. He looks dead and still might die, Big knows. There might be internal bleeding, blood loss, infection. There might also be a bullet from Kinn or Vegas. Or Big might wrap his hands around Ken's throat and squeeze until there's no life left.
Don't let your emotions distract you from work, Chan would say, so Big unpacks everything and puts it on a plastic tray, on the mattress. He washes his hands with scolding hot water and soap that smells like the hospital and puts on gloves.
He works slowly to ensure he gets things right, and because his stomach still burns, even sitting on the floor next to the mattress feels like it's taking too much strength. One by one, with long pauses in between, Big cleans the gashes, wipes away the dried blood, and removes the makeshift dressing he did earlier from kitchen towels. He stitches up the more extensive wounds, trying to repeat the pattern he saw the nurse doing and mostly failing. They will scar horribly, he thinks before he remembers that Ken probably won't live that long.
He has to stop to drink water and take painkillers for his own wounds. He finds some protein bars that are not expired in a cupboard and eats one of them mindlessly. He starts to cry when putting on a new pair of rubber gloves; when he returns to the bedroom, and Ken still looks like a broken body with no life left in it.
"I hate you," he whispers as he struggles to put on the dressing around Ken's stomach and chest. He is heavy, and lifting him pulls at Big's stitches, and the bandage keeps slipping, and Big would punch him if there was a patch of skin not covered in cuts on Ken's body.
"I hate you so much," he says again, using a damp cloth to clean Ken's face.
"I wish I had never met you," when cleaning the incisions around Ken's cheek and eye.
"I hope you die," through more tears when Ken doesn't wake up and open his good eye.
- - - It's dark outside when Big wakes up. He lets go of Ken's wrist and turns on the small lamp on the floor next to the mattress. He never bought a bed or a nightstand table, and he never will now, not when he might not live until the end of the month.
Ken is awake. He is looking at Big, and his gaze looks hollow. Big gets the water bottle and painkillers he left beside the lamp. Ken takes the pills and lets Big give him water.
"If you want me to leave," Ken starts, and Big laughs. It's a bitter and nasty laugh, and Ken winces. Big is pretty sure Ken could not even get up from the mattress.
"If you pull the stitches," he says, because he spent hours patching Ken together, "I will call Vegas myself."
"As if you have his number," Ken says.
"But you do."
Ken looks away, and Big regrets being mean. He thinks about Kinn, how he got cold and vicious after he shot Tawan years ago, and how Kinn built a wall, leaving Big on the other side. He thinks about how Ken could always find a way to make Big laugh when Kinn scolded him for making mistakes. How Ken kissed him when Kinn wouldn't. How Ken-
"You need rest," he says, trying to sound less sour. They have never been gentle with each other; Big doesn't know how to be soft and kind. But he does know how to protect someone he loves. "Take the other pills, those are for infection. I'll get us some food."
He leaves the bedroom, pretending not to see tears on Ken's face, and closes the door behind him with a soft click. Not for the first time, he wonders how he got here, willing to take a bullet for the person behind the trigger.
Big takes a deep breath, then another. Food first, he thinks, then transport, money, and a safe place next. He will fall apart later when they escape the country, when Ken is safe.
He exhales and gets to work.
*smooches you on the cheek* i hope you have a lovely day!
- - -
"Who is the new guy?"
Big regrets the question the moment it leaves his dumb mouth because Chan tilts his head and looks at him with knowing eyes.
"Big," he says, and his voice is stern. His eyes are steely, and Big can feel them unravel everything he is trying to hide away; everything he promised wouldn't be a problem.
A few meters away from them, Kinn laughs so openly and joyously that it stings.
Chan sighs and turns back to his tablet. Only when Big turns to leave he says: "His name is Tawan."
The way Kinn looks at Tawan makes Big sick. The way Tawan looks at Kinn makes an uneasy feeling crawl into Big's gut.
- - -
"Who is the new guy?"
The new guy is sitting at the edge of the pool and grinning. His dark hair is dripping water everywhere as he runs his fingers through them all pretend casual. He winks at Pete, whose record so far has been undefeated, and Big thinks he looks like a certified fuckboy.
"Ken," Arm whispers, quiet enough so Ken cannot hear them. And then, because Arm likes to gossip, he adds: "He's been staring at you all morning."
Big glances up and catches Ken's eyes on him. There is a pink flush on Ken's cheeks as he bites his lip and quickly looks away.
"Cute," Arm says next to him, and Big bites the inside of his cheek to stop the stupid smile that wants to sneak onto his face. He feels warm. Nobody has ever looked at Big like that.
- - -
"Take the day off," Ken pleads again. He has argued about this all morning, talked about how Big needs a break, how he looks exhausted and how Ken knows he didn't sleep well. "Come on, mate, just today."
Big sighs. "I can't, not with Tawan being here."
"Please," Ken says in English, and it startles Big. Not the English, as Ken constantly swears in it, but the way Ken sounds distressed, the way he looks at Big with wide eyes, and the way his fingers are gripping Big's arm so tightly that there will be bruises.
"Is everything okay?" Big asks because he knows he is missing something, something important. Ken is shaking as he lets go of Big's arm like it physically pains him to move his fingers, and then he smiles. It doesn't reach his eyes, and he looks down before Big can see them.
"Forget about it. It's fine," Ken says, and his voice is raspy. "Just don't do anything stupid because of Tawan."
Big cannot guarantee that, so instead, he says: "I'll see you later tonight."
Later, when Big takes a bullet aimed at Porsche, he wishes he wouldn't have made a promise he couldn't keep.
Later, when Chan says, "Ken was working for Vegas", Big wishes Tawan was a better shooter.
- - -
Big's apartment looks as sad and pathetic as he feels. He doesn't spend time here more than once a month, doesn't share it with anyone, and never bothered to furnish it properly. He sits on the sofa and stares at the empty wall because there's nothing else to do, nowhere else for him to be. He feels hollow, wonders if the doctors put him back together wrong.
"Take a week off," Kinn has said, voice sincere and sad. "You deserve it."
"I should have known," Big had whispered, trying to hold back his tears, and wondered if that's how Tawan's betrayal felt. And then, because he couldn't stop thinking about it, he had said: "He wanted me to take a day off." Kinn had patted his shoulder awkwardly before leaving.
Big wonders if he can just sleep for a week, if any of the painkillers can do that for him, or if he can get his hands on some sleep medicine or something.
The knock on the door startles him.
He gets up slowly. His stomach still hurts, and so does his arm. He leaves the gun on the coffee table. If anyone wants to kill him, Big thinks, he wouldn't mind. He opens the door.
Ken is bleeding. His face is purple and bruised, and one of his eyes is swollen shut. His shirt is soaked with blood, and it's dripping everywhere. He is trembling.
"I didn't know where else to go," he finally whispers, voice hoarse and broken.
Big feels like he is being shot all over again. He wants to slam the door close, he wants to get the gun he left behind and kill Ken himself. He wants to ask why, he doesn't want to know the answer, but mostly he just wants to pretend that nothing has changed, that everything will be alright. Slowly he moves and opens the door wider.
"Come in," he says.
anon i am smooching you on the mouth i can’t believe you just dropped this masterpiece anonymously in my ask box i am emotionally devastated. come back pls i’m losing my mind?!
#big x ken#wild tumsa in other people's dms?#idk what happened#i like sad boys who hurt each other#and life on the verge of falling apart#tumsa writes
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When did Vegas realize that he wanted to have sex with Pete? Was it during the moment when he said - But you like me when I am like this (basically during that time when they did it). Or was it even earlier but he didn't want to force himself on Pete?
HEY ANON it's been a hell of a busy few weeks for me sorry for leaving you hanging <333
VegasPete and sexual/emotional desire is one of those topics where my brain just goes to static if I think about it too long but i'll try work out some THOUGHTS
I think with Vegas it's kind of both of your suggestions? Vegas and Pete would have been aware of each other for years, and there’s no doubt to me that they have taken some notice of each other during that time. Vegas, for his part, definitely keeps the equivalent of a list of main family bodyguards, ranked by how easy they could be seduced (literally or otherwise) into being traitors. I feel like Pete has always been low on the list because of his strong loyalty to the main family, and for that reason Vegas overlooks him, regardless of how attractive he might be.
Because in the show we really only see Vegas use sex as a tool for manipulation and intimidation. With Tawan, sex is part of the sham relationship, and when he's tasked with finding out about Porsche he immediately uses his charisma, eventually romantic and sexual advances, to do so. So Vegas is very well aware of his own sex appeal and how it can be used to further his/the minor family's aims.
All of his interactions with Pete up until episode 10 come from this place. He teases Pete and gets a kick out of seeing his reactions to him, and some of these teases are sexual, like leaving his monster condoms for his magnum dong in the car. However, I don't think there's much more behind it than that, because sex and desire for the sake of it don't really factor into Vegas's life. If he is having sex just for fun, we know it's left him feeling like a freak for wanting what he wants, so clearly it's not been fulfilling to say the least.
For what it's worth, I think Vegas starts really noticing Pete after the torture scene in episode 7, and that leads into his advances in the temple in response to seeing that little bit of darkness there. This again leads into episode 10, because while Vegas isn't really seeing Pete as a person, he is becoming more and more fascinated by him. Pete messing up his plans gives Vegas the opportunity to really indulge in this growing curiosity he has with Pete, he's seen the edges of his mask and sets to tearing them up to see what's really underneath, where before he'd only poked and prodded.
The fact that Vegas equates sexual advances alongside physical torture and emotional threats in that scene also makes me think these parts of his life are all coming from a similar place, sex has become a tool to do his job rather than true desire.
There is lust there, but until they have the experience in the safehouse I don't think sleeping together would have lead to the same place for them, or at least not without a lot of extra steps. After Vegas tries and fails to break Pete, after bonding over shared trauma and patching up his wounds, seeing his fire and defiance, letting him in to see his own vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Crying with him, eating with him, bickering with him, grieving with him. They could not have achieved the same stratospheric levels of emotional and physical intensity that they ended up doing without all that as build up. Because it's all that that lead to Pete truly seeing Vegas, and Vegas thinking he truly sees Pete.
So I think Vegas went from seeing Pete as cute, but too loyal to bother with -> fun to tease, but not going to invest his time into seducing -> an intriguing puzzle he wants to unravel -> the only one who really sees him
So that's why I say both your options can be true at once, Vegas would have slept with Pete earlier but it would have been for different reasons- to potentially get info on the main family, as a challenge or to figure him out. At the safe house, he wants to sleep with Pete, because he is Vegas, and because Pete is Pete.
And even then, the final nail in the coffin for Vegas was not actually sleeping with Pete, it was the smile afterwards. He doesn't make him feel like a freak, like his tastes are either something to begrudgingly put up with, or to be put to one side unless they can be used like a tool. Being with Pete and having Pete (the 100% true, maskless Pete: fearless and defiant and not afraid of or disgusted by him) smile at him afterwards, beatific, validates his true desires for exactly what they are, no caveats, and mirrors them back to him. Something it's clear Vegas hasn't had before and, from his surprise at being kissed, something he didn't truly expect from Pete. Seeing his wants not only reciprocated but desired in return.
That is when Vegas falls in love.
#answer#kinnporsche#vegaspete#this is too much writing for no pictures i apologise#also i feel like i had nothing interesting to say SORRY#this is absolutely the wrong time of day to post this but i've left it long enough so#ignore me when i srb later#kp orig#long post
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The remaining eps are going to test KP's relationship big time. Just like the first half was to show them coming together. I don't think it's a coincidence that the episode where they're happiest is the middle point of the series. It's very similar to ep. 6 where they got to see the real versions of each other in momentary bliss, but now they're doing it back in the mafia world. This is gonna give them false hope that they can make a relationship work in this setting, but they're doing it without anyone knowing.... just like the forest. While I don't think Tawan's reemergence is gonna be their immediate downfall, it'll be the first domino to drop. I think it'll be the mystery of who was responsible for the death of Porsche's parents (I think it's Korn, whether he did it himself or he put out a hit) and Chay potentially being put in danger as well that is gonna be a rude awakening for Porsche. He may resent the mafia world and what it's taken away from him, and as a result he may walk away from it and Kinn. This is where I think "I'm on your side" comes in. When they're pointing guns at each other, Kinn looks pissed and unsure of Porsche's position, Porsche isn't wearing his uniform. For whatever reason, Porsche is gonna come back to help Kinn bc he is very protective of him. That will be their reunion and it's gonna establish the us against the world dynamic cuz I feel by that time, Kinn may be done with the mafia life himself. A life that he didn't want to begin with, and the life that caused the love of his life to walk away. Idk how I got here I started rambling, sorry lol. Bookmark this in case this all comes true ;)
I have nothing to add bc you’re just RIGHT anon lol. When all of this comes to pass pls feel free to come back and preen about being spot-on in every way 💖
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I mean, given that it's taken from the source material and that they (the directors) kind of left some plot holes scattered throughout, the animosity comes mainly from the Minor Family being cunts at every turn unprovoked.
Then you have when book Kinn finds out Vegas' been fucking every single one of his partners... and then its revealed that Vegas is the one that sent those men out to hunt them both down in the woods in an attempt on Kinn's life... and then you have Porsche finding out about the attempted r*pe/drugging thing... and then the Tawan shitshow... and then the final showdown/coup... not to mention the general disdain and condescension the Minor Family has for the Major Family unprovoked.
Just 'cause Vegas is a domestic abuse victim and has gone through misery at the hands of his father, doesn't erase the pain he's caused Kinn trying to one up him his entire life.
And even if we only focus on the show content and not the book, Kinn basically forgets Vegas and the Minor Family exists up until they start actively provoking them and acting up so, really, all the hostility is one sided and not personal until the Minor Family starts making it so.
I don't think there's anything Kinn would want to understand or peel back "layers" from Vegas when Kinn's been nearly killed twice by him/them... and then Vegas nearly did the same to Porsche, Kinn's partner, and Chay his partner's nong, even if it wasn't part of Vegas' plan... like I'm sorry, you don't come back from that and there's no layers they both would want to see past when it's become that personal... Kinn due to the Tawan situation and the whole going after Porsche incessantly knowing it's not genuine, that its only to hurt and humiliate him + endangering his and Porsche's life multiple times. Then we have Vegas for having Gun/Kan abuse him seemingly for being incompetent and not being able to destroy and humiliate the Major Family and then having the person you've craved validation and love your whole life from be killed by the same family whomst you hate and also contributed to this toxic rivalry...
They would both have to put their rivalry down and try to see past their fathers' manipulation and gatekeeping but it has become too personal for either of them that I don't see it happening. Unless of course it's for a united cause but never on a personal level. There's just too much pain on either end for Kinn or Vegas to see past each others' (bad) image of one another for that type of emotional depth and understanding and empathy required. Not to mention that the Theerapanyakul family is not too strong on emotional intelligence as it is (thanks Korn and Gun/Kan for the A+ parenting).
I'm sorry, but I just don't see Kinn moving on from that. The same way I don't see Vegas moving on from that either. It's too personal.
Both Vegas and Kinn would have to put down their egos, their rivalry, and their pain and trauma caused by the other down and away, and that will simply not happen in the course of a few months when they've been at this for years since childhood and have been fed lies and manipulation by their respective fathers long before show's happenings. There's just too much pain beneath both of their bravado.
Valid points raised Anon. My post was more a wish fulfillment thing because I like stories where people use the ✨power of friendship✨ to overcome differences ahaha
Like I said, it wasn't a real criticism of the story we actually got. Just a declaration to want something more. And when I say I can't forgive Kinn and Tankhun, what I really mean is, I can't forgive the writers (and that too not really) for not developing their dynamic more. The show ended without any growth or significant change in the dynamic between the cousins.
And when I say 'tried to understand his layers', it doesn't mean I expect them to forgive him for everything he's done. Nor I believe that being abused is an excuse for how shitty Vegas has been, but it definitely is a little bit of an explanation. Relationships are complicated, people are complicated, you can hate someone and still find that you could trust them with somethings (like Porsche trusted Vegas when he asked V to care of Pete). You can resent someone but still vouch for their character (like Vegas did for Kinn when he assured Porsche that Kinn would never Chay). You can be beaten and humiliated by a person your life and still cry when they die (like Vegas does when Gun is killed)
Like for me, it's just so much more interesting to see characters truly majorly fuck up but still somehow find a common ground to stand on with their narrative foils - if anything the whole mutual hatred makes for some really great banter when they are actually forced to work together - it's just so much more fun!!
I feel Kinn, who constantly screwed up things with Porsche, of all people can and would find it in his heart to sympathize with Vegas. Like just imagine the moral conundrums, imagine the guilt mixed in with the very real (well-deserved) hatred he feels for Vegas, mixed in with his constant need to do the right thing, mixed in with his insecurities. Oooohahahaha imagine Vegas having to make peace with the fact that Kinn isn't an asshole afterall and didn't deserve to be at the receiving end of all the snide remarks. I JUST LIKE STORIES WHERE CHARACTERS HEAL THEIR GENERATIONAL TRAUMAS TOGETHER OKAY 😭😭😭
Thank you for the ask anon, this has been really fun, I love myself a Kinn defender. *Kisses you*
#anon ask#kinnporsche#kinnporsche the series#kinnporsche meta#vegas theerapanyakul#kinn theerapanyakul
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Power imbalance in a relationship is not a bad thing as long as its negotiated.
The novel is based on BDSM relationships (whether its badly depicted is an entirely different thing, but that's D*emi for you). You can't judge BDSM relationships based on normal (equal balanced) relationships.
Porsche is grown enough to decide whether he wants to leave Kinn or not, he's done it at least 2 times during the show. Porsche is not obligated to date Kinn and Kinn doesn't treat any of his bodyguards like he did Porsche, meaning, he's only been an asshole to him incited by his father. Porsche is not a kid and can hold his own and has always done his own thing even when being told not to (that's literally the entire argument between Kinn tin hatters and Porsche defenders).
If Porsche has gone from "my life is mine" -> "my life is yours" it's because Kinn, at the beginning, did not earn nor was deserving of Porsche's respect or obedience.
@/lutawolf has posts upon posts explaining their relationship from a BDSM point of view.
: Porsche being a brat submissive who needs their Dom to earn their respect and obedience. Apo explained his opinion on Porsche wanting affection and to belong to someone in reference to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
I think its pretty clear that Kinn and Porsche, as characters, are content with the D/s power imbalance even if it isn't explicitly shown on screen.
The real problem is Korn who holds the (unwanted and under negotiated) power over everyone.
Like I said, Porsche was not hired to be Kinn's boyfriend, he was hired to be his bodyguard, he's not obligated to stay as his boyfriend.
Fans need to stop infantilizing Porsche as if he's a damsel in distress incapable of defending himself and setting boundaries as if he isn't a mouthy little shit since the beginning and didn't slap the living shit out of a dangerous mafia heir in a bathroom half naked.
Please 🙄
Like, the entire show is based on power imbalance for all the couples; already the socioeconomic situation of Porsche and Chay set up that premise before the romance even began.
If it isn't fans' cup of tea, that's fine, but not everyone sees having a rich boyfriend whose also your boss as a bad thing even if there is a power imbalance. Thus, the D/s relationship between Kinn and Porsche.
My point is, there isn't anything inherently bad with a power imbalance in a relationship. Kinn and Porsche's problem hadn't been (except in the beginning, but obviously, they'd just met.) about the power imbalance, its about mistrust- mostly incited by Vegas and Tawan. That's it. Not the relationship, after dating, itself.
Ummm, Anon, I'm sorry, but I disagree with you. Anyone is able to like or dislike whatever they want about this show. I do not have to like Kinn to enjoy him as a character. I do not have to accept every bit of Porsche's behaviour to love him the most.
Now, Porsche's boundaries would be a sensible thing to take into consideration if they were actually enforced. Porsche said no, so Kinn took his house. Porsche left the mansion in ep5, so Kinn went after him. Porsche chose to go with Vegas so Kinn shamed him for it. Over and over again. And then when Porsche left a note telling Kinn that he would be coming back, what did kinn do????? He ignored it and ran after Porsche.
I'm not infanitlising Porsche. I'm pointing out that Kinn doesn't listen. Because you might say he changed, but the note was in the 13th episode. Kinn heard Porsche ask him for a moment and he said no. He ignored that boundary, even after they'd agreed to trust each other. Which would be terrible on it's own. But when you include the power imbalance in the relationship and Kinn's history of wanting to possess Porsche???? What does that say about the strength of Porsche's boundaries?
Power imbalances could be healthy, but what we have between these two is far from it. Let's not pretend. You can like things and still point out how bad they are.
As has been pointed out on this blog, Porsche made his decision in the finale. Yes, he left Kinn. But he came back. I've also made a post about how Porsche accepted that he belongs to Kinn. On his own. Unprompted. He said it himself. As an adult. I accept that.
I do not, however, have to like it.
I do not agree with most people's takes on BDSM relationships on this show. Mostly because I am very uncomfortable giving powerful, abusive people the dominant role in a relationship. It's not for me. I do not like it. I will enjoy the show and follow Kinn's and Porsche's journey, but I do not have to like every part of it. Anyone who likes everything in every relationship on this show? Good for them. But I find that humans aren't perfect. I do not expect them to be. But I will still talk about it.
Even though I hate the power imbalance in this ship, I still ship them because:
1. The chemistry is 10000/10. Mile and Apo are working with witchcraft levels of chemistry here
2. The badassery they both exhibit on their own. I wish we'd gotten more fights with them on the same side.
3. Because I love Porsche and Porsche loves Kinn, so I am following his romantic journey from enemies to lovers like a sucker.
However...
As you've said, Korn's power over Porsche/kinnporsche ship is unwanted and under negotiated. You phrased that as a bad thing.
So, please, point me to the moment before the finale where Porsche and Kinn negotiated the d/s roles in their relationship. Because, as far as I'm concerned, everything that happened before that conversation in the final scene was abuse of power. From ep1-14
Now, you can go ahead and see Kinn's behaviour as sexy and dominant. That's fine for you. But what is more infanitlising than attributing every bit of Porsche's behaviour to submission or brat behaviour? He agrees, he's submissive. He argues, he's a brat. What? Porsche is his own person. His entire being shouldn't be summed up to d/s.
Porsche had to lie about Yok's health to get out of the mansion. Does that sound like evidence of good negotiation to you? If your friend was making excuses to visit you because his "dominant" boyfriend wouldn't allow it, otherwise, would you think that was alright?
Please, no.
So yeah, some of their problems stem from Kinn's inability to trust Porsche. But you will never convince me that that is the only problem. Because Kinn's need to possess Porsche BEFORE Porsche agreed to it, plus the power imbalance, have played just as big a role in all their problems as trust issues.
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no but the kp gif set you posted about lack of trust…imagine being porsche, who forgave kinn for basically r*ping him when he said sorry bc he trusted the man he got to know when they were kidnapped… imagine being porsche, who would have cut his hand off for kinn when they were desperate in the wild and decided to go back to him even tho kinn gave him an out from that life… imagine being porsche, who heard over and over from multiple sources how much tawan fucked kinn up and how now he trusts no one bc of that betrayal… imagine being porsche after all that is happened in ep 8 and seeing kinn /still/ siding (at least apparently) with tawan and ignoring your pleas all while fixing you with the most closed off stare you can imagine. When i tell you i feel sick to my stomach thinking about it IT’S NOT ENOUGH!!!!!!!!! Can you imagine my baby got from planning his perfect first date with the first person he’s ever been in love with to being cast aside for the ex lover he’s been jealous of all along?! 😭 kinn better have a fucking brilliant plan up his sleeve because this oceanic pain he’s putting us all through has to be somehow justifiable…
yeah like......................it's pretty decimating when you lay it all out like that anon.
porsche was literally on a love drunk high, and it's come crashing down so quick ugh
and still porsche was so ready to forgive when he thought kinn had come for him. jesus it hurts.
you really can't blame him for taking vegas up in his other to run away at that point
kinn is really stupid for letting him in on whatever he has planned (because i think we're all pretty much sure that's what's happening now). what's happening that he couldn't tell porsche about????!
the thing is, i think kinn is so hellbent on balancing trying to protect porsche, and show his father that he isn't weak - that he just doesn't realise the repercussions of it all.
i think he honestly thinks once he tells porsche that he had his reasons, porsche will understand and forgive him - and he will let's be honest - but kinn, what about how he's feeling right now!
shit but he'll realise real quick when he sees porsche is gone.
#anon#kinnporsche#the thing is kinn is so stupid but also#he's been broken before and he's just trying to heal whikst dealing with all the pressure and expectation and newfound love and :((((#sorry my kinn girlie heart jumped out
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