#sorry mom and dad but if your looking for grandchildren look to the others cuz youre shit outta luck with me

[incurable-bookkl3pt0]

Why I will be sticking to cats thank you very much. I already know I'm not cut out for motherhood and that me being a mother is just a CPS call waiting to happen, so I will do everyone a favor and just opt out.

I have been thinking about small children and small dogs.

It is sometimes observed that small dogs can be unholy terrors. I have come to think this is more because of unintentional training rather than a lack of training.

If you have a large and potentially dangerous dog, you will probably seek to train it just so it does not damage your home or family. If you have a 2 kg dog, you just pick it up and move it if it is misbehaving.

This inadvertently trains your small dog to escalate if it wants any degree of self determination. It avoids someone but gets picked up. It runs away but gets picked up. It barks, it growls, it gets scolded and picked up. If it goes absolutely berserk and does its best to kill someone, it might not get picked up. You have taught your dog *this* is what it takes to be taken seriously as a very small animal.

Small children are often treated a lot like small pets. They are small people filled with needs and wants, almost powerless in the face of a nigh incomprehensible world. And larger people scold them and pick them up when their needs and wants are inconvenient for the larger people.

I have been around many small children this week and seen many meltdowns. Some of them are just exhausted and overstimulated. Some are probably classic brats who have been taught they can get their way if they just whine enough, which is a variation on the same idea.

But I must believe that some of them have learned this is the *only* way they will get *any* attention to their stated wants and needs.

Your parents have a plan and an agenda for the day, and you were not consulted because you are 4 years old, but you are still a human being with needs to understand and to some extent control your environment, and if the only way you can get anyone to listen to you for 5 minutes is to make those minutes absolute hell for everyone involved, yourself included, well, that is what it takes.

When you are 4 years old, fairly petty inconveniences can in fact be the worst thing that has ever happened to you. Small children can have the best and worst moments of their lives several times a day. They are learning the bounds of "normal," and they don't have many days that could have been worse.

It can be hard being a Very Small Animal.

[fiveisnumber1]

Oh those teen!Penn scenarios are amazing. I definitely think it would be funny pre-Runaway Five cuz there's this kid who's a spitting image of Five and Reader and he has to pretend it's some big coincidence for as long as he can get away with it.

And post Runaway Five it would be just as funny cuz the Teen!UA have no perception of what's going to happen so Penn's very existence is shocking for them but also somewhat sad.

I feel they'd see his random ticks. Like he frowns and twitches in irritation the Exact same way Five does when he can't figure out a problem. And his laugh is exactly the same as Reader's to the point that Diego sometimes has a heart attack and runs into the parlor to find Reader but instead it's Penn there. And one time Vanya is making Five's nightly PB and M sandwiches and Penn is in the kitchen too and looking eagerly l and then her eyes fill with tears cuz he looks so much like Five did when making himself a sandwich; so eagerly childlike amidst his stoicness. It's the only thing young!Five allowed himself to enjoy so openly and Penn inherited his love of them too. So Vanya promises him she'll make him one too and Penn just BEAMS the way Reader used to when Vanya finished playing one of her new songs for her and Penn gives her a hug with a "Thanks Auntie V" and it's just so so hard for Vanya to not cry. And Ben comes across Penn bookmarking the pages in a book the same way Reader did and Penn looks at him with concern the same way she used to as well and he misses her so much because she understood him and he misses Five too because he was the only sibling that did his best every mission to make sure Ben didn't have to use his powers and that the rest of them killed the criminals without the horrors being needed. Just the Hargreeves noticing Reader and Five in Penn and missing them even more cuz we need that angst.

However, I feel like Penn would be an uncontrollable little shit regarding Reggie. Penn absolutely loathes his grandfather (all the Hargreeves cousins do). Reginald finds out about this superpowered kid and thinks it's Five come back cuz he sees the flash of blue from the blink. But then he sees Penn who snorts derisively when he sees Reggie.

Reginald: Interesting. You're not Number Five. Who are you?

Penn: No one you need to concern yourself with.

Reginald: Have his lippy attitude too

Penn: His and Mom's

Reginald: His son then? Makes sense Reader would be your mother. They did have a special connection to each other and she was worse than him when it came to that sharp tongue.

Penn: *sarcastically* Nothing you don't deserve. Much less, actually.

Reginald: *ignoring the insult* What can you do then? Do you have his powers? Hers? Or both?

Penn: None of your beeswax Old man. I ain't here to be tortured by you the way you did to Dad. Oh and he TOTALLY could Time Travel by the way. Guess the great Reggie ain't so great and all knowing at all huh?

Reginald: I never said he couldn't. Just that he wasn't ready

Penn: And Dad proved you otherwise anyway. Funny how easy it is to do that. I'm not showing you what I can do. It none of your business.

Reginald: I'm your grandfather. I taught your father everything he knows. His tutelage would hardly be sufficient for your full potential considering he left in the middle of it.

Penn: *laughs mockingly* No you didn't. He taught himself. He was born with what he could do and so was Mom. You're just an Ordinary. Old. Man. Can't take credit Dear Gramps. Everyone in this room is more powerful than you.

Teen!UA: *scared but impressed and also inspired*

Penn: Also his tutelage is better than yours anyway. I decide how much I want to learn and what Mom and Dad teach me. Just more proof they're better parents than you.

Reggie: *is speechless* (with offense or horror at Penn's "wasted potential" no one knows)

Penn: Anyway I'm gonna go ask Grandma, you know the grandparent that actually does know how to love her own kids and grandkids, to make me some cookies while I wait for Dad to come and get me. Unlike you, he actually cares about where I end up when mistakes are made.

Just Penn making up for every single jab and harsh truth Five and the Hargreeves couldn't give to Reggie when they were children because they were too young and terrified to know better.

When Five finally does show up to get Penn, Five hugs him instantly and looks him all over for injuries and Penn hugs him back and says "Thanks for being the best Dad" and Five feels overwhelmed cuz he wasn't expecting it but it's good to know he's not Reginald especially after meeting him again. And the Teen!UA realize even further that parents are supposed to keep you out of danger instead of sending you into it and berating you if you avoid getting hurt.

Bonus: Penn tells past!Grace she's Five's and Reader's son and Grace loves her children and she'd love her grandchildren too and she just smothers him with love because she missed her little boy so much and it makes her so happy to know that Five eventually has a son. (We need to include Grace in more of these. She deserves best mom award).

(Im really attached to these Time Travel Penn headcanons now so sorry if it's all I talk about for the next how many asks xD)

I love all of this, but now I have some more ideas.

1) Reginald tries to get the Teen!UA minus Vanya to fight Penn so he has to demonstrate his powers. Of course at this point he knows how to counter them without actually demonstrating anything so he just stands there with a cocky smile similar to his dad’s as Reginald becomes more and more infuriated.

2) Grace says that she misses Reader playing the piano so Penn takes his grandma’s hand and leads her to the parlor. Penn spots the piano in the corner of the parlor all covered up and dusty showing it had been untouched for years. Penn becomes a little sad because he realizes the last person to touch the piano was his mom as a child before she went missing with his dad. He pulls the cover off, sits down and starts to play it for Grace just as well as his mom. The teen!UA are off around the house but when they hear the piano echo through the house they’re all drawn to it. Teen!diego and Vanya are so uplifted and so sad about it because they see so much of the reader in Penn and it’s nice to know she’s doing well but it also hurts because she’s not there. At some point he asks teen!Vanya to play with him and she almost cries again because he asks for the song that was Vanya’s favorite to play with reader.

3) Teen!Klaus is curious about the future and his future self so Penn tells Klaus a bunch of lies about it because it’s funny.