#sorry life’s been life. schedules are mental rn

[privaterecording1clips]

(Honestly, you don't have to post this. It just tickles my ZRC heart.)

Chilled bought Ze Walkers potato chips because he saw them in the store and was like "He likes those". 🥹

[weirdlittlefish]

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

[blingblong55]

Science- 141 + Los Vaqueros

This is based on a request:

Im sorry if this is such a downer but im in a really bad place rn andi need something to cope but can I have Los Vaqueros + 141 seeing their best nurse crying because their parents called them a failure for dropping out a doctor and wasting money and now their nurse thinks she's useless. The extent of their sadness is to the point of a seriously bad mental breakdown

Angst?, some fluff, platonic relationship, F!Reader

It's just science Don't let it break you down

You had become the favourite nurse for all of the 141 and Los Vaqueros men. So much so that in any mission where they had to go to a new country, you'd have to go as well. They trusted you with anything and everything, no doctor or other medical staff could get through them like you did. The one man that trusted you the most was Ghost, before he took his mask off back in Mexico, you had already seen that face, hundreds of times.

141 and Los Vaqueros, are working together in a new assignment, you of course were told to go with them. But after the last mission, you found it hard to concentrate on much. Things were becoming more difficult, and best believe there was a reason for this.

You have been a nurse in the military for about 5 years now, the things you've learned in you field, the memories you have created and people you've met are something you thank you job for. But about a year into you working as a nurse, you started to look into becoming a doctor. Something you always dreamed of becoming, and to be honest, it was a job position your family saw you in. Once you go into medical school, the worst stress you had gone through, it took a year and a half of your life to quit that dream.

You only had told your family you were pursuing that dream and of course Laswell, who moved your schedule around so you could attend school. On a great day, well at the beginning, your family called you.

They had received the news you had quit med school, and best believe they kept yelling at you. The text messages were also no good,

Mum: how dare you!!!!

Mum: we worked hard to give you a good life and education and the only thing we asked was for you to become a doctor and you failed us!

Dad: You are such a disappointment

Dad: a literal disgrace to my family

For days on end, the calls and messages kept coming through. Every day you'd start with a headache, reading through their shit messages, crying before breakfast and acting as if you only slept so little. It was getting out of hand, you started to get more and more tired.

You questioned your role in the military, asking yourself if you were even good enough to help people. But, you could cope with all that, it was easy to do it. It had become so usual to feel these things and ask all of these questions to yourself, it no longer fazed you. You'd jog or run to get this energy out of you.

Until tonight.

Echo team had been sent to a mission, a terrible one. Everyone came back with at least one injury. Blood on the floor as a few soldiers were dragged into beds. Everyone was woken up, Delta and Charlie team were sent to finish the mission. But as you and the other medical personnel ran through the med-bay, helping anyone that required assistance, you had found yourself crying in some supply closet.

Soap and Rudy had heard about the hectic night all of the medical teams were going through and the first person they thought of was you. So, naturally for the two men, they wanted to show you how much they appreciated the job you were doing. They made you some rather warm coffee and your favourite, carrot cake, well more like fairy cake/cupcake.

For about 30 minutes, they went around med-bay, calling and asking for you. Most shrugged and jogged back to some other rooms, others pointed in different directions. And thats when they heard your cry. They knew the stressed you put into tonight, but they didn't quite understand it, so they called for backup.

The rest of 141 and Alejandro were all waiting for the right time to open that door. One single knock and they couldn't hear you, "Hey kid, its us...can we come in?"

You unlock the door, the second you see Price, your arms wrapped around him as you hugged him. You sobbed and mumbled some words he couldn't quite make out. His hands patting and rubbing your back. Your sobs becoming louder as he whispers, "It's okay, kiddo. Let it out, we're here."

The other men just stayed quiet and stared. Mental breakdowns were normal in the military, the stress and pressure you are put through is beyond what civilians can go through. So, in some sad way, they all understood. Slowly, priced took you by the hand and guided you out of the closet in which you had spent at least an hour crying and laughing at yourself at.

Once they reached their part of base and into the common room, you stay there, arms crossed, a pillow being held.

"Lass," Soap said in a soft and gentle voice as he was the first to break the silence, "can I ask, what caused this?" He always cared so much for you, after all, you had become his best girl, and the only person to tolerate his banter.

"I....I think...no, I know I don't belong here."

"Belong where?" Alejandro asks.

"Here."

Ghost chuckles, he sits down and pats your leg, "I don't belong here, Soap, Gaz, and sure as hell Rudy doesn't either," he sighs and pauses, his finger at your chin as he makes you look at him, his other hand caressing your cheek and wiping your tears, "and my beloved, I know you don't belong here too." His voice carrying sincerity.

"Price and I, we may have our years of experience, but," Alejandro sits next to you, "sometimes things get hard, it happens."

"We can only take so much before we break, my dear." Gaz sits across from you.

"What caused this?" Rudy asked,

You sigh and look at the pillow, playing with the edges of it before answering, "a...a while ago I decided to become doctor," you paused before feeling like you were disappointing them, "I only lasted a year and a half in med school."

Price understood, in a way, why you had that mental breakdown.

"Y'know, I didn't become captain so easily."

"I failed a test and re took it well over 13 times before they made me colonel." Alejandro confesses

"And he made me the subject of that frustration." Rudy laughed a little.

"It was yer parents, wasn't it, lass" Soap spoke up, he and Gaz knew the story.

You, overworking yourself to make them proud, although that never came around. The word "proud", was never said to you, thats why you over accomplish things and thats why you are here in a couch, crying and being comforted by the men you have grown to call a family.

You look at soap, ghost's hand still rubbing your cheek as he wipes the tears away. "Yes."

Soap gets up and goes to you, kneeling in front of you as he looked you in the eyes, "You were born into a family that doesn't always appreciate you. But one day things are going to be very different."

He stood up, held your hand and gestured for the others to follow his lead, "c'mere, my bonnie." He kissed your forehead and hugged you, the other men doing the same.

At least 30 seconds after they gave into this group hug, gaz spoke first, "I don't mean to say this in a bad way, but...I think she gets it, hug over."

You chuckled and they pulled away, Price and soap stayed though.

"We love you kiddo, your place in this team is the most valuable." Price kissed your cheek and pulled away, not Soap, this was his excuse to show you his appreciation for you.

"We love ya so so much, but I do love ya more," he kissed your forehead once more before looking into your eyes, "my very best gal." He winks and wink back, something you two have been doing after each moment like this, although this time, the other witnessed it.

it's just science Don't let it scare you now

-----

A/N: Yes, I did use that Matilda quote...shut it..anyways..love ya<3

Tags: @anonymuslydumb (love ya, pookie bear<33333)

[sandzephyr]

;; hi there! Little update under the cut!

Short verion: I am incredibly eager on coming back as soon as possible! <3

But...despite all of that I'm really hodling up on my mental health work, really happy for that, if I was in a slightly worse state of mind these past weeks would've killed me. But God damn it I cook myself a warm meal every day and shower up to four times a week! Something I can be proud of :p

life things are so ridiculously much rn that I have decided to schedule hobby time...for my sanity! I live in an old house with 6 other 20-32yos and we've been having old-house-problems, and like all of them at once. rats (due to our home being right in between a public pool and a popular river bank), disgusting pipe...problems..., fleas (roommate works at a vet clinic and brought them home to her cats), a roommate moving out in the most chaotic way possible!!! and squirrels nesting right outside my windows... Also, two monogamous friends of mine decided to break up with each other which has been a challenge on all my social capacities... and my part time job went bankrupt very suddenly and I'm basically unemployed. Sooo I rearranged the garden, did plumbing for the first time and it worked (!?!?!?) and pulled fucking (partially molded) flooring out of our living room and renovated that, got a new fridge...etc. and idk life decided it all needed to happen within like 2 weeks lmao I hate being an adult so much y'all

...damn I didn't realize this would turn into a life rant, very sorry for that. :")

I have all of you drafted and I cannot wait! My next scheduled hobby time is coming up! Please don't forget meeee<3<3

[officiallyossy-haywooddent]

OOC -

Uh, life & schedule update ig.

So general responses might be slowing down for a while, as well as the Gotham Reports blog and the Cazimir blog probably not getting any/many updates for a bit.

So, lots of stuff happened in the past few days!

Ollie (Co-mun for Caz) and I got hit by a car (2-for-1 special ig). We’re doing fine, dw, but they’re taking some time to recover from that as they took more of the hit than I did. The reason I am posting this and not them directly is that their phone has since been stolen and we’re not sure when the new one they ordered will be delivered and fully set up exactly

The current plotlines are fabulous but I need to organize the rps into the timeline for the characters and that’s taking a bit more time than usual because of some weird issue with document formatting (tbh I’m not actually sure, Jess is the one dealing with all that—)

I’m just really burnt out as of now, and some stuff in regard to my health has decided to take a nose dive

Exam season is coming up soon and I need to take a few days to prepare mentally for that

I don’t actually know to what extent Gotham Reports will be inactive, as it’s been fairly slow updates since the school year started due to most of us deciding to pick up more extracurriculars and such, but the third person who runs that account will still be active and may be posting on there and the Asa blog.

Sorry this seems over dramatic, I just want there to be a clear explanation if none of the blogs are responding or aren’t responding as quickly/often as usual as there’s a few rp threads going on rn (which I really appreciate, ya’ll are amazing). Things will probably get back to normal in, like, 2-3 days tops.

:]

[propertyofkylar]

r u gonna do anymore writing prompts D:

😭😭

i am!! i promise i am!!!!!!! im literally working on one rn!!!!

im sorry guys i really am lol. a lot of people on here are able to crank out fics like that. im not one of those people. i live with my parents and my dad got fired from his job (worked with the company for a total of like 20 years) at the end of may and there was like. an insane amount of drama/rumors/backstabbing from friends of 30 years so its actually been like, the most chaotic time of my family’s life. not even considering the fact that my dad is losing his health insurance when he has chronic health issues AND he’s the breadwinner. this compared with like, everything else bad in the world lowkey sent me in a downward mental health spiral these past few months. also work has been crazy since i already work insane hours due to being a journalist and we keep losing members of our team so ive had to pick up more work in the meantime. ALSO ALSO i randomly developed an aversion to men (but it’s going away now dw) and a lot of the prompts were for m LIs and like. I couldn’t do it

all of this is to say sorry. basically got too depressed to write frequently. kinda flopped hard. but i vow this to you all. i will finish all of these prompts. idc how long it takes it will be done.

actually should weaponize my ocd and schedule when to write. that usually helps….

anyway im writing princess kylar rn and im really getting into it so should be a long one :2

[1d1195]

Hi hi I'm starting teaching again after a busy summer break. Today was my first day back and it felt so busy and I'm VERY tired. I have a new thing scheduled for Thursday and Protection VII scheduled for Monday. I'm hoping I'll have some time to write (and read. I'm so behind on all my fic reading *sobbing*) this weekend but I just wanted to say hi and I miss you all and I hope you're having a good time in life rn and I appreciate you all following me. I know I left for a while a few years ago--I think my mental health was effectively in the toilet (plus birth control royally fucked me) so I stopped doing a lot of the things I loved like writing and reading. ANYWAY I just wanted to tell you all I adore you and I'm really grateful for you all and all the friendships I've made here and if you've ever thought "Hmm, I'd really like to be friends with the weird girl that writes about Harry but also likes math" I am quite friendly if I do say so myself and i would love to be friends.

For those of you that followed me since I SHOULDN'T have been posting my writing thank you for sticking around--I hope you've enjoyed the improvements at least. You deserve medals for putting up with me.

sorry for the rant i've been feeling crummy and gross and honestly thought about just giving up on this for a short while. but also am just trying to make an effort to tell people who are important in my life that I adore them more often.

[dirtywrestling]

Hey guys! Little life update:

Sorry I haven’t been able to post there’s been a lot going on rn.

I switched to overnights so my schedule is wonky rn

I got site removed recently and demoted meaning I don’t make as much like I use to.

My card info got stolen so I had to get a new card.

I haven’t been to the gym which makes me feel like shit and mentally ill/depression.

Speaking of I’ll I’ve been sick for 2 weeks and finally shaking it off.

After this shift I should be getting my gym membership back because I finally have the money to make the first month payment. With me going to the gym it really gets my mental status better than what it is now and gets me motivated to do better in life and to do things that I need/want to do.

With that being said I should be posting more! Just give me a few days or at least a week to get back into the groove of everything!

To my commissioners I still haven’t forgotten about you and I feel terrible for not publishing anything! I love you all!

[mystical-imagine]

ooo ok, im a 19 year old girlie :3 im in second year of game design rn and i love itttt.

< Skills include: shit code, drawing cute girls and hugging robots >

I have a cat and her name is nova (supernova long form cuz she is a superhero who saves the universe >:D ) I have blue eyes, pink hair that I dye frequently but its naturally dark brownnnn. I thrive in chaos and am pretty hyper most of the time. But I'm also really scatterbrained. That, and my various mental health issues like depression and BPD but I don't let it stop me from being happy and cool :)

I used to struggle a lot with mental health but have found a nice balance in life and think positively and optimistically a lot of the time.

In my spare time I like to make sci-fi comics, watch sailor moon (and I've been obsessed with Bee and Puppycat) and be a silly little guy.

This week I built an Arduino game thing for school in a week!! And I bought star lights from Amazon to hang in my dorm room (secretly for blanket forts)

I dont know what else to add here, so I hope this is enough ahh

fank uuuu

hiii, sorry for the long wait!!! and thanks for being patient! i hope you like your matchup!!!

i´d match you with Saeyoung!

Saeyoung would love that you have a love for computers and robots in common and would def. try his best to help you and give tips. those convos would probably often get derailed into how to get away with cyber crime, but ya know, its the thought that counts. also im sorry to everyone but that man is a genius and does not understand how other people learn. he has the patience and would try and gently help you, but he would absolutely suck at explaining anything.

would love to build robots of your game characters once you get to develop games (you might already be doing that, idk much about it and its been awhile since you sent in this ask :)). and would def build robots of your characters in your comics!!

(is supernova named after the book series btw?) would love to help you dye your hair and be part of the process of choosing colours. would help both you and saeran dye your hair haha.

its a good thing you thrive in chaos because that man has been without guidance since like age 14 and has no structure in his life, no proper sleep schedule or good eating habits either. obv. youre not gonna be his mother, youre just going to have to figure out something that works for both of you together!!

Saeran would be diagnosed with some stuff after getting out of mint eye too, and having you around, whos been through the system and sorta knows how it works would be a big reassurance. youd be able to support Saeyoung so well and he you, when you over extend yourself.

your optimism would be such a bright thing for Saeyoung. Saeyoung also tries his best to be optimistic and he also knows how sometimes youre being too optimistic to hide that youre struggling. Hed be able to recognize when your smile is a bit strained and reassure you that its okay to not always be happy and optimistic. no one is , and he and your friends wont tire of you for reaching out for help.

sci-fi is probably Saeyoungs favourite genre! hed never tire of you talking about the universe youve created and the stories within that universe. Bee and puppycat would be right up his alley haha.

knowing saeyoung the moment he discovers your love for blanket forts hed probably build one wayy too big for you to cuddle up together in.

i really hope you like your matchup and once again, sorry for the long wait!

[onlyswan]

Hiii Art!! How have you been and how's your work/studies whatever it is that you do. Good? Eh? Well mine's kinda on a dry and wet mode rn lol.

Mind if I rant here?

I have 2wk worth of exams coming up and I have no motivation to study. I honestly regret taking up the course im studying for. I mainly took it up because its lucrative and helpful in today's economy. But honestly I should have just pursued 14yo Lyfie's dream to become a nurse. It wouldve been so much more rewarding🥲🥲🥲.

Anyways despite that im just praying my gpa doesnt go down the drain, and im gulity right now because i wasted the whole day doing nothimg even though i told myself to go study. I couldnt do it. I just......well i knew what i was doing was bad but everytime i looked at my notes i felt as if i knew them all, and in the end achieved nothing. Sigh i hate myself for how repetitve this unhealthy cycle has become. Parental pressure isnt helping either. I try ranting and they say its just momentary tiredness and it would go away soon and then further guilt me into wasting time :((((.

Wow that became long. Im so sorry for litterally trauma dumping on you, especially if tou had a long day. It would be the last thing you'd wanna worry about 😂😂😂

Anyways i wanted to ask you about your writing, both as a fellow fic author and as loyal reader of yours. What inspires you to write?

(I.e set time aside to write your fics and even feel motivated to open up that document? I have so many plot bunnies, headcanons and fic ideas, but no matter how enticing, everytime i try opening up my google docs, that burst of excited energy saps away. Urgh its so frustrating!!😠)

And for your fics, we had possible teases of engagement btwn jk and oc and even f2l hopelessly pining jk and oc. So i was wondering will we ever get a confession scene 👀👀👀?

I rmbr when jk ssid somewhr in an interview where he would love to lift his partner up and kiss them and my mind went str to the in which couple lol knowing your writing and since its jk its gonna be so cute cheesy and gonna involve tears 😇.

Funny enough i also know that both oc and jk are heavy on respecting e/o be it space or privacy, and when i heard Twice MISAMO's Do Not Touch song which was about consent and it was potryaed beautifully compared to art masterpeices, it got me thinking about their initial stages of skin ship or how they got comfortable around e/o physically or even their first time. Idk im just so invested in this universe lol 😭😂

Hmmm, but thats it for now. I'll reach out to you soon!!! :D

-Lyf

hiii lyf <3 work is draining and some customers are rude but my co-workers are fun to be with so it’s alright 🥲 uni also started this week and it’s nerve wracking but also soooo exciting !! i’m just gonna need some time to adjust to this new life + schedule 😬

i’m so sorry to hear that beloved :( i’m sure with the given the circumstances that you chose what you thought would be best for you at that time and i think it’s important that you recognize that too !! 🫂 and yesyes studying is so freaking difficult especially when you don’t feel motivated >:( for me personally time management has been pretty helpful. i love schedules ^^ sometimes i do house chores first to get my brain into work mode too and i give myself little rewards during break times (which are sooo important) or after studying hehe like snacks or screen time !! please look after yourself and your health. 🥺

dw i’m mostly fine with you guys ranting about stuff like school !! because same !! but i’m just putting it out there that when it’s abt triggering stuff i have to restrain myself 🥲 i don’t reply to those because it really affects me badly mentally too :(

hmmm when it comes to inspiration to write 🤔 like i said i do love schedules hehe i open a draft every night before bed + in my notes i also save words/phrases/scenarios that pop in my mind throughout the day but couldn’t write yet :D but i don’t really get to write everyday bcs i’m too tired or nothing just comes out. sometimes i only write one sentence or one paragraph then pass out lol. on a good day i finish one scene and maybe start writing the next too !! a jungkook weverse live will always 100% give me a big rush of motivation tho 🤭

and i doooo want to explore the earlier stages of oc and jungkook’s relationship 🥹🥹🥹 i have many many plans !! but i just want them to be perfect so it might take me a while </3 this is still a long journey if y’all are up for it hehe thank you so much for being invested in our little iw universe !! 🥰 it truly means the world to me that i get to enjoy my passion like this :") ilysm lyf 🫂

[megarabane]

vent post abt work incoming sorry in advance i just need to scream into the void for a mo.

can i just. i'm just so sick of the 'in order to have value you have to work yourself to the bone' mindset.

i'm working two jobs rn, one is monday-friday and the other is pretty much sundays exclusively. because neither of these jobs pay me well enough to sustain me on their own.

m-f is a research job in my degree-chosen career field that i love to do, i love the people i work with, and i willingly work 50 hour weeks (5 tens) on a regular basis. they don't make me, but i like the work and the grad student i'm working with is super reasonable when i say "hey i need the day off" and his response is "great have at it! see you later!"

and the sunday is at a restaurant. and don't get me wrong alright i love foodservice. if it weren't for the physical and emotional and mental demand of waiting tables and dealing with customers for just barely enough wages to live on, i'd willingly do that shit. i love waiting tables.

and i've told my scheduling manager 'hey i don't wanna work doubles on sundays (my only day), i'm available for either a morning or an evening but not both.' and she scheduled me three doubles three weeks in a row. and i got the first two covered by coworkers but i worked the third, and i told her 'hey i told you i can't do this, i'm already working 50 hours a week'

and her response was. 'aw. only fifty? i'll let you know when i get down to that much.'

OKAY. FIRST. that's YOUR choice and I GUARANTEE you're compensated with time and a half at LEAST, not to mention your PTO that i KNOW you have bc you talk about it all the time.

my research job does not pay time and a half for OT, and i CHOOSE to do it bc i love the work, but it's physically demanding and exhausting, it's wildlife research, it's hiking miles a day in the mid-drought heat and half the fucking time it's for naught anyway, and the stuff that isn't hikes is driving two hours to and from research sites.

SECOND. THAT SHOULDN'T MATTER. i only have ONE HUMAN LIFE and ONE day off a week is taking a toll on my physical and mental health. i'm wearing knee braces again, which i haven't done since high school eight years ago, and i've not written anything in WEEKS. it's raw LUCK that i've had the energy to play any games at all in the last few weeks. most of the time i come home and collapse bc i'm exhausted and i just wanna rest before i get up and go work again. my one day off a week is spent doing laundry and cleaning and running errands that don't get done during the week.

i fell apart on my therapist when we were in the middle of a different conversation bc i'm so tired, and now i have a sticky note on my monitor that says 'it's not selfish to take days off if it keeps you from death' right next to 'remember: the megacorp doesn't care about you'.

and i call off work tomorrow. because i'm so tired. and i get my scheduling manager. and her response is 'the schedule's been out for like a week. have you tried to get it covered.' and i say 'yes' and she says 'well the schedule's been out for a week." and i just...sit there in silence. because like. you're not going to guilt me out of this. bc i know if you know you can guilt me out of this once you'll never fucking stop and i'll never have a moment of peace again.

does it almost work? yeah. i've got a fucking anxiety disorder. ofc it does.

but i have one human life. only one. i need a break. they will survive without me. fuck, business has been so slow recently, having one less server on the floor will mean my coworkers will get more business and more money. even if management is mad (and my gm won't be he's reasonable ik this) my coworkers might actually thank me for it. (this is me speaking it into existence can you tell.)

anyway i'm just. tired. i'm so tired. i'm so over capitalism. this is the start (well more really a midpoint) of my anti-capitalist arc.

anyway thanks for reading lol. remember: the megacorp doesn't care about you. you are worth days off. your management will forget about the guilt trip they took you on in less than a day. so call off. quit. they survived before you and will survive without you. you're worth more than the blood you pour into a work week.

[haechannabelle]

sorry but it's time to rant (tw this is just generally depressing)

literally every therapy session/psychiatrist appt i've had in the last couple months has been so fucking discouraging i fucking HATE being mentally ill in this stupid fucking country like i NEED treatment but the only way to get it is if i stop working but spoiler alert !! i'm poor as fuck so i CAN'T stop working !!! and my stupid government insurance probably won't cover the treatment i need anyway !!

literally america does not give one fraction of one shit about mentally ill people i feel like they've just shoved me into a corner and said "just wait for your circumstances to get better and THEN we'll help you" but like !!! the whole point is that i'm too mentally ill to improve my own situation !! i can't get a better paying job with actual good benefits because i'm TOO SICK TO WORK A BETTER PAYING JOB WITH ACTUAL GOOD BENEFITS.

fuck this country, fuck my psychiatrist who has used the following phrases in my past few appointments: "we're running out of options for you" "i'm backed into a corner here" and "my hands are tied." really REALLY good things to say to someone coming to you for help. i'm fucking SICK of her telling me "well you can't just rely on meds you need to be working on xyz in therapy" and then going to my therapist who's like "well you're too unstable rn to work on xyz let's wait until your meds are in order"

like it's been MONTHS of everyone just telling me to WAIT and i'm so fucking tired !!!! of waiting !!!!! i've been Mentally Ill all the time for the last 12 years !!!! I'M JUST OVER IT OKAY

alright that's all. i'm fine, i'm safe, i have good support in my life. i'm just tired of being treated like i'm always someone else's problem and i fucking hate america and american "healthcare". it took me 6 MONTHS to even FIND this psychiatrist, it's not like i can just get a different one, either. ugh. UGH

okay um. back to regularly scheduled kpop posting, don't mind me

[imagination-overreaction]

I have a few favorites, but at the moment I've been thinking a lot about Lance.

Lance is one of my older OCs (I made him when I was in middle school and Boy was it rough) and he has had so much development/change/just straight-up having sections of him scrapped. He started as Edgy Psycho Murder Man™️ and has thankfully become something--for lack of better wording--less horrifically Cringe.

Tl;dr- Lance was a man that did bad things, died, went to "Hell," and became the best of the worst. The god of mental illness saw him and decided to test something on him, cause if this guy could be redeemed, maybe they could too! He gets (kinda shitty) therapy and, eventually, after being pulled back to the mortal realm and having a really awful adjustment period with help from 1 shithead of a god, he starts getting better. And sadder. But mostly better for now.

Cw for violence

He was a normal, completely average guy. He went to college, he met a girl, he got married, he has anger issues and he killed a man, and he didn't exactly get away with it. This part of his backstory isn't fully baked, but what is is what happened after he died.

In my universe's lore, there is an afterlife/reincarnation setup. Souls die and then get sorted into the good/bad/??? place (names pending) (the sorting isn't based on any arbitrary rule, so much as it's based on one's ability to not be destructive to other people/things). If they go to the good place, great! They can chill for a while! Eventually they'll probably get bored enough to get their memories wiped and go back around as a clean slate. If they're in the ??? place, they're essentially just in a waiting room with a bunch of other people that were not obvious Good or Bad enough, and they sit there. And wait. Until they can be properly sorted and sent to their respective area. The bad place is... Well it's less an afterlife and moreso an Evil waiting room with a Soul Woodchipper at the end (in the form of many demons) (yes there are demons and angels but I'm not getting into that right now).

So, Ill-Tempered Lance got sent to the bad place. This sucks for a lot of reasons. Everything is cold, and the place is damp and devoid of all life unless it wants to kill you. Everyone is hungry and can't be full, thirsty and can't be quenched, tired and can't sleep, and terrified but cannot run from the inevitable. He didn't exactly know what that inevitable was, though, even when he was staring it in its cracked face.

A demon "talent scout," Lana, found this strong-looking, hopeless guy wandering the barren wasteland outside the kingdom of Hell, and decided he'd be good enough to toss in the pit (a gladiator arena, essentially).

He got good at it.

Really good at it.

He earned himself a nickname for his work in the pit: Throe.

Of course, it's not like you can truly die in the afterlife, where would you even go? Any blood dissolves after it passes the skin, and any otherwise fatal injury causes the whole body to crumple and dissolve at the point of injury. The person reforms later, and while this mechanic is important I'm not 100% confident on the details of it. Either way, Throe got very used to getting mouthfuls of dust and nothing. Cannibalism is important to his character arc. To me.

There are other events that occur in this time period, but I would rather write them out with care later on. I'm doing a massive rewrite of his backstory anyways, on top of all my other wips lol.

This continues for a while. Like. A century or more. Hard to tell when time passes when there's no sun, and your schedule revolves around when you'll be dragged back into the arena. But at some point, Tenebres finds him.

Tenebres (another middle school oc that has since recovered), Tina for short (but it's more complicated than that, I'm not getting into a Tenebres deep dive rn tho sorry), the deity and embodiment of mental illnesses. All of them. As you can probably guess, it's rough for her. It's easy to be ~The Madness God~ and be Quirky and Dangerous but it's much, much harder to pull away from that and try so, so hard to be good and Normal™️.

It's much easier to find a random guy and toy with him, just to see if maybe, maybe there's something redeemable about this killing machine. Maybe he's fixable, and maybe if he can get better... Maybe she can too..? [I understand this sounds kinda like Hazbin Hotel and I'm so mad that this sounds like Hazbin Hotel. I made this lore YEARS before that. Slamming the ground and sobbing and screaming. I could do it better. Anyways (lighthearted)]

So she tries. In her own.. kinda shitty way, that involved multiple instances of poking him until he snapped, letting him attack a hallucination of her, and poking him some more after he wore himself out. It was bad! It was rough! Idk how much of this I'm going to change! But somehow they began to talk. He was never going to have a calm, touching heart-to-heart, not in Literal Actual Hell, but eventually he would stop trying to kill her. Mostly because it would never work.

This is... Where the lore gets fuzzy. Between years of not really thinking about it, having to retcon/change aspects of it that were originally tied to a roleplay, and the fact that it was middle school writing--I don't really know what happens between then and the present Lance that I have rattling in my skull, where he's not happy but he's trying his best to live life and forget his nightmares.

That's uh.. mostly it! If you read this far thanks!! And extra thanks for the prompt :D!!

tell me 'bout your current favourite oc

[nctstar]

(un) blocked

yongie ♡ hi sweetie. coming tomorrow?

pairing: boyfriend!taeyong x fem!reader

other members: mention of nct and doyoung 

word count: 2.2k

genre: romance, angst, fluff

warnings: reader’s mental health is not great, mention of the vaccine once 

disclaimer: this is a fanfiction purely from my imagination. I do not know the nct members and do not claim that they act like this in real life. I also do not condone any of the activity by any of the characters in this fic.

a/n: this has been in my drafts for ages just because I wrote this when I was really upset, so it’s just really self-indulgent :) I hope you like it anyway <3 Also, if you’ve been feeling like the reader lately I truly feel you and have so much love for you. My dms are always open if you want to talk. 

You thanked your driver before stepping out of the Uber, the cold wind brushing your face and your bare calves under your black midi dress, a reminder of where you were headed.

Date night.

You hadn’t been here for a while. For the past month, you were busy madly studying for finals, while he was busy with countless schedules. Top that with a generous bout of exhaustion from the both of you, and it was inevitable that neither of you would object to postponing week after week.  

But then your eyes travelled to Taeyong’s door, the steps leading up to it, the dying pot of flowers underneath the front room window, and a small flame of guilt lit up inside you, threatening to expand and overtake you as you remembered the conversation you had last night with Taeyong.

yongie ♡ hi sweetie. coming tomorrow?

You wouldn’t have noticed the message if it wasn’t for the fact that your phone lit up when he sent it, your notifications on for him and your parents only. The light broke through the darkness you were in, momentarily breaking you out of your restless nap. Lifting your head off the ground, you became aware of the myriad of tissues around you, the wet hem of the collar of your pajama top and the earbuds that had escaped your ears and were now digging into your stomach painfully. The reality of your situation came to light, and the emotions flooded through you, mercilessly, painfully. You tried to ignore them as best you could, telling yourself he deserved better.

you su

You stopped typing your response to rub your palm against your eyes, the welled-up tears blurring your vision horribly. You slapped your hand against your leg and pushed down, wanting to scream out. But the world was silent, and you had no right to disrupt that.

you of course! see you tomorrow baby

You felt pathetic. You knew that wasn’t enough. Scrolling up, amongst the few snaps you had sent him that he had replied to, ‘stunning’ ‘beautiful’ ‘gorgeous girl’, and the few he had sent of him and his bandmates that you had replied to, ‘cuties!’ ‘hahaha tell haechan thanks for making me laugh today <3’, there was an entire conversation. Your heart hurt at the sight of it, but you didn’t know whether you were happy or sad.

yongie ♡ owie I just got the booster shot and practiced too hard and now it huuurts ☹

you oh I’m sorry yongie ☹

yongie ♡ then kiss it better

you haha omg aren’t you busy rn though! :D

yongie ♡ don’t care. we haven’t seen each other in too long, I miss you

you I always miss you. but we both have stuff tomorrow, we can’t spend time with each other

you not right now anyway

you I mean unless

you you ditch your stuff and come watch me study XD

yongie ♡ not saying no to that. Let’s see how much you can study 😉

you you have no shame

yongie ♡ but you like me like that

yongie ♡ don’t you?

you wow what a charmer

you let’s see how much of that was all talk then

yongie ♡ deal. I’ll be 20 minutes max.

You couldn’t even finish reading, let alone send your reply.

yongie ♡ are you okay?

And there it was. Those three words that felt like a knife to the heart. You began to cry, this time forcing the tears out. A few drops fell onto the screen. Your hands shook. But you lied anyway.

you yeah. sorry, I was sleeping. Of course, I’ll be there, baby <3

You typed and retyped the heart a lot of times before deciding to send it. You tried to fool him like you fooled everyone else in your life – tired of opening up, explaining, only for people to not care.

He wasn’t convinced.

yongie ♡ you’ve just seemed a bit off lately.

Geez. It’s like he was watching you.

Before you could type in protest, he continued.

yongie ♡ you seem to have stopped opening up, love. you know you need to tell me if you’re upset. I want to help you, __.

Seeing your name made you want to throw up all of a sudden. You felt naked, exposed. And then you did a horrible thing.

You blocked him.

Taeyong opened the door before you could compose yourself, and your body felt like it was on a train that stopped suddenly. Thrown off guard randomly, with no way to stop you from stumbling, falling. And fall you did all over again every time you saw him standing there in the doorway.

He was truly so beautiful. His dark eyes stared back into you with something like excitement and love at the same time, and you wanted to melt into the ground like a wax candle. The stripy apron you’d seen about a million times before, wrapped around his body like an unbroken promise. The skin of his hands gleaming as he brought them together, and you remembered the times you had cradled them in yours.

You wondered why you were so quick to throw away something like that.

“I knew you’d come, baby. Hurry inside, it’s cold.”

So that’s what he was doing. Pretending like you didn’t just do that last night. You felt a false sense of relief, your brain running hot like your brother’s laptop as he played video games for hours. You realised you hadn’t thought this through at all.

Somehow you made it to dinner without a word. Your body bathed in the dim lights of his kitchen, you watched the ghost of you, dancing, smiling, laughing. Him bringing a spoon to your lips as you blew and tasted it. Kissing him, letting him drag your waist towards his. You two put made-up romance in movies to shame.

“I hope you like it. I made your favourite.”

It was your favourite. And because you were done being completely shameless, you opened your mouth to thank him when you heard it. That song.

“What’s your favourite song by us?”

“First of all, which unit, title track or b-side, and from what album?”

He laughed. “You are too silly. Fine, um,” he watched a few people go past the both of you, “the song you’ve been listening to the most recently.”

You itched to take out your playlist, but your brain worked fast. “Probably White Night. I love that song. And I watched the performance a few days ago and I must say, that Taeyong guy is quite the looker.”

He only smiled, which surprised you at the time. He stared at you for a while, and you remember you had awkwardly shied your eyes away, not knowing what was going on. “I really like that part too,” you tried to continue in hopes he would stop staring you down like that. “your face, your skin, your voice. Your part. I like the way you sing that part. It’s very pretty.”

Even though Taeyong was no longer staring, your cheeks flushed, suddenly aware of the distance, or lack thereof, between you two. You glance to your side carefully, noticing his faraway gaze on his lips. He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, and you felt the skin where his fingers brushed burn up. He leant in, and you closed your eyes in anticipation.

This time you closed your eyes to stop them from welling up. Blinking them open, you finally got the courage to look him in the eye, and your walls slipped just the slightest. “I-It’s that song. You remembered.”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I remember that day?” He smiled, poking at his plate of food.

“People don’t really seem to remember nowadays.”

And there it was.

“What do you mean? Are you upset with me?”

“No, not you. Never you.” Your voice was barely a decibel above a whisper but even he could hear the way your voice struggled on the never. “It’s just that,” you breathe out, and you couldn’t feel yourself breathe in again.

“Sweetie, look at me.”

You couldn’t help it. The tears came slowly, running down your face. Right eye first, then left. Stinging because of the makeup. You quickly flicked them away, praying he didn’t see something that was happening right in front of him.

He remained silent, but for once, you did not.

“I am so, so, so tired, Taeyong.” You felt something in you rush out all at once, like wild animals escaping after years of captivity. “I feel so overwhelmed, and lost, and confused. University is so hard, I can’t find work, and I only have one friend. That one friend talks to me all the time but I just can’t open up to her.”

You decided by then it was too late to save face, so you heaved in a huge sob.

“My childhood friends are closer to the friends they made in university than me. And that hurts me so much. That I’m their second choice. But I know it’s not their fault. I feel myself distancing from them every day, but I just can’t stop it.”

A tiny voice inside you screams, enough, enough, but you keep going. You know from nights spent crying for hours, mornings lying in bed feeling completely empty, walks you take with no direction or sense of time, that once you start, you cannot stop.

“Everyone asks me how I am, but they don’t care enough to listen to the answer. They don’t pick up on the signs. I don’t feel special or noticed anymore. I just feel so unlovable and alone. Everyone’s moved on with their own lives, leaving me behind. And I know this all sounds silly because,” your eyes found comfort in Taeyong’s soulful ones, “I have you.”

He’s stunned, understandably so. But he doesn’t remain silent.

“I’m so, so sorry, love.” You couldn’t remember when he had reached out, but you felt your hand in his. “It’s okay to feel that way, you know? People can feel lonely with heaps of people around them. Trust me, I know that feeling.”

You nodded, sniffling. “I just don’t know why it upsets me so much.”

“Maybe because you value deep connections. You need that to feel loved. And maybe you’ve been bottling it up for so long it just hurts more and more every day. I’m sorry that you didn’t feel safe enough to share that with anyone.”

“I mean,” you reached for a tissue and he pushed the box forward for you, “not anymore.” You laughed emptily.

Feeling the warmth of his hand, you became aware of the way your long nails were digging into this palm. You retracted immediately. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise.”

“There’s no need to apologise, love. Especially not for opening up.” You found the courage to look directly at Taeyong, and for a moment you felt your chest opening up, your heartbeat wiring down, your muscles un-tense under the glow of his reassuring gaze. For a second, everything felt good. Okay.

“Thank you.”

“That’s no problem. Do you want to use the bathroom, or do something else?”

“Well, I want to eat Taeyong’s cooking.” You let yourself breathe, chuckle gently. Taeyong smiled, looking embarrassed. “I have a confession to make. This is all Doyoung. I messed up the first time.”

This time you laughed for real, and the room no longer felt as heavy as it did before. “I’m flattered that not one, but two men were involved in date night.”

The smile that radiated across Taeyong’s perfect features was something that filled you with intense joy, and you remember thinking that you wanted to store it somewhere, in your pocket or in the small crevices of your locket so that you could capture that feeling forever.

It’s not like he was a cure, or that he solved your problems in any way. You knew that no one was capable of that but you, or, by some miracle that would shoot down from the sky. But you were glad he was always there, just him, his eyes seeing you – the real you without the weight of expectations that everyone else had placed on your already weary back. Making you tense and pull away even at the gentlest caress. You had many nights like the one that made you block Taeyong, but you also had many date nights like the one that had just passed.

“I’ve always wanted to ask,” you leant your head against Taeyong’s shoulder, “why do you keep that pot plant? It’s basically dead.”

“It’s not, love. It’s still alive. I water it when I can.”

You shuffled your head up to face him again. You could see the moonlight dancing across the ridge of his nose. “But why?”

He shrugged, looking out into the distance. “I just do.”

You were glad you had someone like Taeyong to even want to block in the first place. Someone who waters half-dead plants, someone who calls his best friend when he’s burnt his girlfriend’s food for date night. Someone who remembers the little things like the way your eyes light up when you talk about your favourite song, the way your hair falls across your face, the way you look before you finally burst into tears.

Someone you could never block in real life.

[stukky]

hey guys, im gonna be scaling back a bit with my posts. my mental health took a pretty big nosedive and typically i can get myself back on track, but i cant seem to dig myself out of it this time.

gif making is usually a refuge from all the crap going on in my life, but rn it feels more like a obligation than the fun little hobby it started out as.

normally i try to make at least one or two posts a day for my followers, esp since i dont reblog much. but for right now, i wont be posting unless i feel inspired to.

im sorry abt this. i kno most of u will understand tho. youve all been awesome to me and i hope i can get back to my reg gif making schedule soon.

[1d1195]

It was very hard for me to actually stay home and like rest?? But yeah no I got it all fixed today which was nice so at least! and you're so right about inconveniencing them lol

Im sorry your weekend was not good and stressful :( Hopefully your week is not as stressful! Is the school year almost over? Either way I am so excited for you to be on break and be FREE!

This week has gone okay so far! Im going to a drag show on Wednesday so I've been doing a little bit more work recently to have free time that night. But very excited! Ive also been having a new album on repeat so Ive had new sad songs to fixate over lol

And It's actually my last week of classes! So finals week for me starts next Tuesday and I think my last final is on that Friday! So i still have a bit to go but not really lol And yes! I agree it felt very far away and I simply can't comprehend time lol

ALSO I SAW MY EX HOT PROFESSOR YESTERDAY WHILE WALKING BY THE PSYC BUILDING😭 I felt weak in the knees! even after all this time seeing that man in his leather jacket makes me want to cry in a good way lol

and speaking of going feral lol THAT TRADITIONAL EXTRA WAS SO GOOD! it was kinda sad considering we got to read a bit about Harry's POV. But I really did like reading about him being vulnerable and I think it really adds to his character :)! but tell me why you kinda surprised me with her going down on him WHILE NIALL WAS THERE!?! yeah that was hot 😵‍💫 Also when she called him 'boyfriend' my first though was that Harry probably hates being called her boyfriend HAHA Love his little thoughts lol Anyways I loved reading it, seriously so thankful to be able to read what you create 💗

Wishing you a better week/weekend! You got this my love, I doubt it at all! love you!!-💜

omg I love girl-rotting lol. I never do it because there is always something to do. But when I'm sick I give myself like an extra hour to rot and whatnot. It's hard though because I'm the only one that does anything in my relationships (family, friends, work, etc.) I'm having a very eldest daughter kinda week. My sister and mom both texted me asking for help on something and I was actually TRYING so hard to set a boundary and my sister is just useless quite frankly. I actually think most people in my life fall under the weaponized incompetence category of people. It's EXCEEDINGLY frustrating. But nonetheless, I will move on :)

I'm glad you got to rest. I'm sure it was really hard and whatnot (based on what I mentioned above) But your body needed it. Now it's all taken care of too so that's good! SO exciting about your finals. Feels like it's a quick turnaround but maybe that's good! What do you have planned for the summer!? That's cool about the drag show! That will be so much fun and a nice mental break between your last classes and finals! What album is it? I love a musical fixation! Def in the need of some sad music. My current sad girl hour songs are not cutting it rn lol

I think a leather jacket is like catnip for women. My anti-feminist take. 😂 So happy to have a sighting of him 😍 He'll be good visual for our TA Harry 😉

My week has actually started off pretty okay knock on wood. I'm doing alright. Treated myself to a manicure today. My cuticles were so gross the woman did a deep sigh after getting all the dead skin off ☠ I feel less busy at the moment. I'm hoping I get some time to read. I desperately need my hair and eyebrows done lol. I'm hoping after this week is over I can kind of schedule that. My school year is over toward the end of next week. My students also have finals and such thank the lord. Can't wait to be done with my 3rd period group. I love all my students--I would take a bullet for them. But I do not like some of them. The TUDE and AUDACITY is reaching my limit for this year. I need a reset.

I love to write from Harry's POV. But I think I'm at fault for writing a man for a woman because I'm pretty sure Harry doesn't think like that (maybe he does, that would be really nice 😍) But I do LOVE to make him vulnerable. I think as a celebrity he always has to be poised and put together and always on so I like to think about the part of him that no one else gets to see. I'm glad you liked the boyfriend line too! We're actually getting towards the end of what I have planned for them. I think there is still a few more tricks up my sleeve maybe but only four more blurbs in store for them 😉

Onto the kinkier side of things, I have been thinking about this blurb for an EMBARRASSINGLY long time and can't even tell you how depraved I think I am for even THINKING about it let alone sharing it 🙈😭😅😍 I am a pretty conservative person when it comes to my sex life or whatever but I'm pretty sure I would turn into a whole other person for Harry 🤭🙃 Poor innocent Niall has no idea I wish I could tell you what was going through my brain but it was not much at all hahahahaha

Thank you for reading and checking in. So glad you're almost done with your classes! Can't wait to hear about your drag show. Also I assume you'll be studying your smart little butt off so don't worry about getting back to me! Don't forget to stay hydrated, caffeinated, and rested this week! Love you lots!

xoxo