#sorry ive been busy and there isnt great wifi

[periwinklesky]

might change the url back to rainy-wish?

[minnesotanaccent]

hey everyone read totally serious star trek script about the enterprise encountering pop up ads. warning for lots of spelling errors, and me being bad at writing in general, and me not learning anything in my screenwriting class and formatting it wrong, and just bad science overall. ok now that we got that out of the way.....

Star Trek season 4 episode 1: the antivirus

INT. BRIDGE

KIRK is sitting in his captains chair, SULU and CHEKOV are manning the helm, UHURA chats with SPOCK in the background. various extras are busying themselves with the other stations.

SULU

captain, we’ve arrived at the planet

KIRK

put it onscreen, mr sulu

the screen flicks from a generic view of space to an all black screen, sulu continues hitting buttons while kirk and chekov look on confused. spock notices this and walks over the the captains chair. the screen flicks on again with a huge image of a nude human woman wearing obviously fake vulcan ears and a nude orion woman, they are posing seductively, the text reads "HORNY ALIEN GIRLS ARE IN YOUR QUADRANT! HAILING FREQUENCY 69 FOR ALIEN SEX NOW"

KIRK

mr sulu get this debauchery off my bridge!

SULU

im trying, sir, but the message wont go away!

KIRK

mr spock can you explain this?

SPOCK

it appears to be some type of advertisement. in ancient earth culture these were called "pop-up ads". they usually mean the computer is infected with a virus.

KIRK

a virus?.... 

sulu, keep working on that screen. uhura, block all hailing frequencies from that number i dont want them getting any information. 

kirk presses the call button on his chair, he reaches SCOTTY.

KIRK

mr scott, there is a serious problem with the ship.

SCOTTY

aye, captain im aware of that. i cant get her under control no matter what i try. its like all systems are being blocked by something!

KIRK

they are scotty, have you heard of a pop up ad? im going to need you to do everything you can to get the ships warp drive back up, maybe if we turn around and go out of its range it will go away.

SCOTTY

ill try my best captain. scott out.

the call disconnects ands kirk looks around clearly not knowing what to do next

UHURA

captain, i tried blocking them, but their requests keep comnig, they want to speak with you captain.

KIRK

fine, open hailing frequency, lieutenant.

UHURA

aye aye sir, hailing frequency open

the visual on screen doesnt go away but kirk can now hear a VOICE. 

VOICE

your computer is infected! 26 viruses found! download free computer cleaner now! your computer is infected! 26 viruses found! dow-

KIRK (voice continuing to repeat the message over him)

who are and what have you done with my ship? are you listening to me? im captain james t kirk of the uss enterprise, i order you to cease holding my ship!

the voice continues. kirk turns around to uhura

KIRK

close hailing frequency

INT. SICK BAY

MCCOY sits at his desk, looking at the computer screen. he seems very frustrated. there is a sleeping man on one of the cots near him

CHRISTINE CHAPEL enters, the does a double take and comes over to dr mccoy.

CHAPEL

doctor are you alright?

MCCOY

not really. take a look at this. (he ushers chapel to lean over and view the screen)

that crewman over there seems to be allergic to the dust on the supplies we just picked up from the starbase on that distant planet. not many people have this allergy, so i went to the computer to get the ingredients for the hypo, and no matter what i search i get the same thing

christine leans closer and reads the computers contents out loud

CHAPEL

doctors hate him.... 60 year old man looks 25... just follow this one simple trick....

doctor mccoy i dont understand?

MCCOY

neither do i..... and i cant get it to go away, and asking for more information just leads the comupter to reboot. ive tried everything. if i cant get this man his hypo in 24 hours he will die of anaphylactic shock!

CHAPEL

you should contact the captain right away!

MCCOY

i tried but it seems like communications are jammed.....

mccoy and chapel look at each other with great concern.

INT. BRIDGE

kirk and the others continue to fiddle with the tech on the bridge. the vulgar image still stands on screen, but the explicit parts are covered by fabric. kirk walks over to the science station where he encounters mr spock

KIRK

spock, how is your research coming?

SPOCK

captain the cause of the ships malfucntions is still uncertain, but i beleive i am getting closer to discovering a solution... the planet below is broadcasting a very old type of signal.. a wireless fidelity, or wifi, signal, that connects to the ship and is able to recieve thier images and sounds, and transmit thier control over the ship.

KIRK

wifi?..... ah yes... the way that humans accessed their computers in the 21st century..... but hoe can the enterprise recieve signals that have been obsolete for 200 years?

SPOCK

i dont know, captain. but i do know that the best way humans had to delete these 'viruses' was to do a series of restarts and filinf. first we must find a way to clear our memory banks from just before this happened, to now. then we must initiate a full restart on all affected systems. last;y we must leave as quickly as possible to avoid getting infected again.

KIRK

i must admit this is all very strange. but we must do it

kirk walks over and sits in his chair. he calls scotty

SCOTTY

captain im sorry i dont have anything fixed just yet-

KIRK

scotty, dont worry about that. i need you and your men to be ready for a full engineering restart on my orders, stand by

SCOTTY

standing by sir.

KIRK

spock, take ensign chekov and go down to the main memory core of the computer and start manually deleting all files of the last 4 hours.

SPOCK

yes captain.

spock and chekov go to the turbolift and head down to the main computer core and immediatley split up and starts looking through the walls of lights and panels

back in the bridge, kirk calls spock on his chair phone

KIRK

spock, have you done it? is everything deleted? spock? chekov? whos there?

CHEKOV, voice is very glitched and scratchy but we still understand it

sir we cant hear you very well.... we unplugged the main....... we think..... worked..... ready to reboot.... on your command..

KIRK

good. ensign chekov stand by

kirk switches to scotty

KIRK

mr scott, full engineering restart!

SCOTTY

on it, captain!

a light appears on kirks control panel, he quickly switches to medical

KIRK

bones are you aware of whats happening? theres no time to explain but i need you to initiate a full medical reboot.

MCCOY

jim- a full medical reboot? i have a man here on total life support if i do that he will die!

KIRK

.... isnt there any way to keep him safe for the minute the power is off?

MCCOY

well, im a doctor not a miracle worker! i suppose i can try to have nurse chapel do emergency cpr on him, while we use some generic anti inflammitory hypos to keep his throat from closing up due to the allergies....

KIRK

whatever you have to do, do it fast. i need you to restart the whole medical computer and mechanical systems. 

MCCOY

alright...

we see kirk fidget with his hands and look around as everyone is busy trying to fix something. he jumps when he hears sound from the call again

MCCOY

ok jim, its done, the power is restarted.

kirk calls back chekov and spock

KIRK

now! spock! chekov! plug it back it in!

KIRK

and you, mr scott. we need warp 8 NOW.

SCOTTY

ill giver her everything ive got, sir!

KIRK

sulu quickly, a course out of this system at warp 8 for as long as we can hold it.

SULU

on it sir!

EXT. SPACE

the enterprise turns around and quickly warps out of there. we switch to a new part of space and see the enterprise leave warp speed. 

INT. BRIDGE

all images and sounds are gone, the screen shows only normal space and the communication inside the ship is no longer messed up.everyone breathes a sigh of releif, kirk and uhura smile at each other and sulu spins around and smiles at the engineering team of extras on the bridge.

INT. SICKBAY

dr mccoy is injecting a hypo into the man, he looks very relieved. nurse chapel stands by the mans cot and takes notes on a PADD.

EXT. SPACE

we see the enterprise flying around

END CREDITS