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theflyingfeeling · 15 days ago

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I don't know if any of you remember but almost three years ago I wrote some AU fics as a part of an ask game and recently I reread this Fairytale(ish) AU one and one particular detail of it always intirgued me and I've wanted to expand that thought so much, and now I finally did!!

it's Joonas/Joel (as opposed to the Niko/Olli of the original story), and I do recommend you (re)read that^ one before reading this new installment to the AU, not necessarily because it has a whole lot to do with the original fic, but more to... put you in the right mood, I guess? ✨

Once upon a time in a faraway land in the cold, cold north, there was a boy who loved the night sky.

"They're our home away from home", his mother had once told him when they had watched the stars together. “When we die, we choose one and settle down for a while, but only until our loved ones arrive there too and we can cross the border together.”

"Will you go live in one too?" Joel had asked. They never talked about it, not with the exact words at least, but Joel had known her time was near, from the way her voice was growing weaker by each day that passed, and from how she needed Joel's help with unlocking and opening the old, heavy door of their hut (“it used to be the other way around, you know”, she'd laugh and Joel would laugh too, just to show her how brave he was).

"I will, and I'll wait for you there", she had reassured her son, as if she had sensed that was what Joel would have wanted to know next.

"But how will I know which one is yours?" little Joel had wondered. His mother had appeared to be thinking for a while, but when she had spoken again, there had been no hesitation in her voice.

"When it's your time, although it's not going to be in a very long while", (she had said this to console him, Joel knew, but at that moment it had only made him curl up even tighter to her side), "a northern light will appear to guide you the right way. It will be the most beautiful thing you have ever seen, and–"

"Even more beautiful than the one we saw last Winter Solstice? The one with lots of purple and pink and blue?" Joel had to make sure, because he had never seen a more gorgeous sight than the one from that particular night; even over a year later, he had still been dreaming about it and found all the other northern lights they had seen since then ordinary in comparison.

"Yes, at least ten times as beautiful as that one. You'll know it when you see it, and it'll know where to find you, too, so don't you worry, Joel. It'll all be alright."

She had repeated those words (it'll all be alright) when her hand had finally slipped from Joel's as her soul had left her body some six months after that conversation and some ten years from this moment when Joel found himself sitting on a bed again, staring out the window, waiting for something to happen.

He loved the night sky, with or without Aurora Borealis, because how could he not? That was where his mother was, his beloved mother, who had been his everything, and still was, all this time after the sand in her hourglass ran out. That was where his nana was as well, his mother had promised him, even though Joel wasn't sure he'd recognize her, having been only one year and two months old when she had passed, after which he and his mother had been left all alone in the cold, dark world.

(He had tried to ask if his father would be there too, waiting for them in one of those twinkling celestial bodies, but she had never given him an actual answer. "Your father loves you so much" was all that had ever been said on the matter, so Joel never asked to know more, afraid it would have had her eyes filled with more tears.)

So when his mother had passed, Joel had been left more alone than he had ever been in his life, in a world that was even colder, even darker than it had ever been before. On her deathbed, his mother had made Joel promise that he'd wait for this special northern light to come and fetch him, had insisted on it as if it was something really important to her, so Joel was keen on keeping his promise, even though he had been tempted to go look for the northern light himself, let's say, in the bottom of The Black Lake, for example.

He had stood there countless times, in fact, on the pier of the lake and stared into its depths, wondering how long it would take for him to no longer feel the coldness of the water. He had admired the reflection of the dark woods surrounding it, asking them if they'd look as comforting from the other side of the surface. Once he'd made up his mind about it, he'd turn around and walk back home, trembling by the time he’d reach the door.

One of those times, he had stood on the pier for hours, or so it had felt like, watching as snowflakes had softly fallen on the still surface. It had been quite early for first snow that year, so the lake had still been free of ice, and Joel couldn't help but imagine how extraordinary, how soothing it must be, to witness the ice forming from below and have it trap you in the frozen waves forever.

He had made up his mind about it then too, only that time he didn't turn to walk back home, at least not right away. If he had, he had probably run into the person whose blond-haired reflection had then appeared next to his own on the surface of the lake, among the melting snowflakes.

This was where Joel's story started anew:

Once upon a time in a faraway land in the cold, cold north, there was a boy who loved another boy.

And Joonas wasn't just any boy; he was a boy made of light, as if the sun beamed literally out of him and left a trail of sparkles everywhere he went, even reaching as far as the darkest corners of Joel's rooms and kept them lighted even when Joonas was not there. Joonas saw tiny miracles everywhere he went, and for some strange reason Joel was lucky enough to be the person he shared them with ever since they had made friends that day. He felt warmth where Joel only felt coldness and helped Joel feel it too, wrapping him in it; he heard birdsong where Joel heard emptiness, the kind that terrified Joel to the bone until Joonas would take his hand and ground him, showing him how to focus so he could hear it too; he saw hope where Joel saw nothing but desolation and pulled Joel back from it, back to the surface where Joel could breathe again.

On so many days, Joel was breathing only thanks to Joonas.

Some other days, when Joonas the fisherman's son had been helping out his father with preparing trout and burbot for the court, the air Joel was breathing wasn't quite so pleasant, but on second thought, those may have been Joel's favourite days, because he knew that later that evening they would bathe together and use the rose soap handcrafted by Joonas' mother for exactly such occasions. Ever since his mother's last embrace, Joel had never felt as warm and loved as he felt when sitting in the bathtub with Joonas in his arms, aimlessly chatting about how the day had passed for them and listening to Joonas' anecdotes about the summer before and how the thorns of his mother's rose bush had pestered him when he had been collecting rose petals for his mother's soap.

Such was the warmth he felt also when sharing his bed with Joonas, in the hut that was their own as of last summer. Joel hated to abandon the warmth, but he could never forgive himself if tonight was finally the night that the northern light his mother had spoken of would come for him and he'd sleep through it, even if she had given Joel her word that it would find him no matter what, “even in your sleep, yes.”

Maybe that was what Joel was most afraid of: that it would happen without him even knowing it. As a child, he had been obsessed about actually seeing the phenomenon with his own eyes. As of late, he had other reasons to not leave this world so abruptly.

His feet hung from the edge of the bed as he stared out the window, at the sleeping village in front of him. All the houses were dark, but still Joel wondered if anyone else was awake as he was, waiting for northern lights to appear in the sky to accompany them on their way to the other side. Or perhaps they had been given other instructions, a right-timed comet or maybe a dead branch of a mountain birch pointing them to the right star, helping them reunite with a long-gone loved one. These were the thoughts Joel amused himself with to pass the time, until he saw something green approach from behind a fell.

It didn't take long for Joel to see that this, like all the other northern lights he had seen since that one Winter Solstice, was not the one his mother had spoken of. Although beautiful in its own, simple way, it was as typical a northern light as it could be, with merely a couple of different shades of green and yellow, whereas some of the more impressive ones Joel had witnessed had filled the dark sky with almost every colour Joel could imagine. Still, he couldn't take his eyes from it, and sat down on the floor for a better view above the trees and rooftops.

He expected it to wash over the village in a couple of minutes, as northern lights tended to do at this time of the year, but when almost half an hour had passed and the sky was still blazing green, he poked Joonas' feet under the blanket.

Joonas moaned but opened his eyes. They weren’t sleepy as they often did if he was woken up prematurely, Joel noticed.

"Get up, Joonas, you don't want to miss this."

As if boneless, Joonas slumped next to Joel on the floor and wrapped a blanket around them.

"Oh, wow," Joonas sighed as soon as his eyes focused on the lights. "That is stunning. Look at how they’re dancing." He wiggled himself into Joel's armpit and rested his head on Joel's shoulder. Joel smiled, for never before meeting Joonas had he imagined the northern lights could dance. Looking at them the way Joonas must have been looking, it was clear as day they actually were dancing.

Often, when Joel had been staring at the sky, waiting for his northern light to appear, he had felt awfully lonely. That was the point, Joel had assumed; that when he was at his loneliest, his mother would finally come for him. Then Joonas had entered his life, and those feelings had been few and far between – although never completely gone – and he was grateful for the company, even those nights when Joonas grew tired of waiting with him and fell asleep before the lights would appear, if they ever did. Other nights, Joonas seemed as anxious as Joel was to find out if tonight would be the night.

(Joel had never planned to tell Joonas, but he hadn't known how to keep it a secret either when Joonas had once asked him why he stayed awake most nights, looking out the window as if waiting for something or someone.)

"This isn't it either, though, is it?" Joonas asked him now, with a voice that was a mix of sympathy and relief. “This isn’t your mother showing you the way?” Joel added in his mind.

"No," Joel confirmed, and the strangest thing was, even he felt relief. Many nights he had cried into the night, begging for his mother to come and get him already because he couldn't bear facing another sunrise without her. These days, he wasn't quite as disappointed about it anymore.

"Good," Joonas agreed with what Joel hadn't even said out loud. "That means I get to keep you for at least one more day."

Joel felt the smile on Joonas' lips when they left a quick kiss to the side of his neck before Joonas laid his head on Joel's shoulder again.

Times like these, Joel couldn't help but wonder if this was why his mother had made him promise he'd be a good boy and wait patiently until he'd see those special northern lights she would send for him; if she had known her son's impulsive mind and his stubborn heart and was afraid he might try and follow her to the darkness persistently, despite her warnings.

"And this is important, Joel, because if you don't wait until you see those lights, you won't find the right star and we'll never see each other again."

So Joel had waited, and he was going to wait until the day would come. While he did, he might as well lean against the boy next to him and admire the night sky, just for the joy of it.

"Back to bed now?" Joonas' voice was muffled by the blanket he was pulling even closer to himself. The floor was as freezing as the surface of The Black Lake at this time of the year, and Joel knew Joonas hated being cold.

Not so very long ago, Joel would have wanted to stay up all night, just in case. Now, he saw no need for that.

"Let's go," he whispered and crawled back in the sheets, back into the warmth, back into light where Joonas already waited for him.

#blind channel rpf #blind channel fanfiction #random tumblr ficlets by theflyingfeeling #joelxjoonas #kinda tempted to write more for this same AU and inspired by recent events i've already figured out how to make it olli/allu too lol #sorry but i refuse to stop writing about that ship if i can help it 💅#so lmk if you'd like to read more for this AU 🥺

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