#sorry it's for visibility :( the person who asked me to make this post probably found it on there | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shuawonie · 11 months ago

Text

(in)visible.

pairing | yoon jeonghan x fem!reader

genre | fluff, angst, college au, hidden relationship au, non-idol au, comfort

word count | 7k

warnings | use of pet names (angel, baby, sweetheart), kissing, slight harrasment, mention of abusive behavior, alcohol consumption, jealousy, swearing, soft but also sometimes possesive jeonghan 😩 big angst bro-, THE SAINT LAURENT JEONGHAN???? (on my knees fr)

summary: he decided to give you time, to let you feel comfortable with him and everything else. but you don’t want and need it anymore. you want to be visible. you want the two of you to be visible to the others. that you’re his and he’s yours.

a/n: oh my god.. my writer's block really hit me hard like a truck 😭 i’m so sorry for not posting anything for past few months.. </3 however ! here’s the small gift for you guys <3 hope u enjoy !

(i have already planned new jeonghan fanfiction and i’m SO proud of myself, watch me get the writer’s block again and post it after months again LMAOO)

i got you, you got me,

when it's us, babe,

you make me feel complete.

you're all i need.

Does Yoon Jeonghan have a girlfriend?

That was the question which was asked probably the most past days on your campus.

You could hear it everywhere. People were gossiping about in the hallways, in the bathroom, in the cafteria and even during the lectures, trying to get to the truth.

Is he single or not?

This whole situation began when someone from the campus took a photo of him, hanging out with a girl and holding her hand with a big smile on his lips. The face of the mysterious girl wasn’t shown in the picture, which is why they were wondering who it might be and if she’s his girlfriend.

Jeonghan was a 3rd year student and as far as everyone had known, he was staying single for a long time already. But now, nothing was sure.

People had mixed opinions on it. Some were happy for him that he found somebody to love, some were just really confused while not wanting to believe it's true, and the last group was really negative about it (thinking they even had a chance with Jeonghan, pfft).

However, it was obvious that everyone wanted to know the truth.

Does Yoon Jeonghan have a girlfriend?

However, only two people knew the answer to it.

Yoon Jeonghan himself, and you.

Jeonghan came out from the lecture class with his black messenger bag overhanged across his chest while being deeply immersed in his phone, when Seungkwan, campus’ sweet boy, joined him by his side.

“Hello Jeonghan!” he started enthusiastically, “How’s your day? Are you okay?” the boy blinked a few times and sent him a cute smile, while taking a sip of his beloved iced americano.

Jeonghan frowned, looking at him quite suspiciously.

“Hi,” he mumbled, letting out a sheepish chuckle, “Yea, I’m fine. Just finished my schedule, and I’m a bit tired. And you?” Jeonghan asked, continuing the conversation as the two of them slowly walked towards the entrance of the campus.

“Uhh.. I still have one lecture left, so I need to stay.” Seungkwan pouted, making the other boy smile, “Are you meeting someone? Or going home by yourself?” the sunshine boy asked, making Jeonghan stop mid-step, crossing his arms over his chest.

He looked at the younger boy with an amused expression as he snickered, “Seungkwanie, come on. Don’t tell me you’re also into this whole gossip trend on our campus.”

“Oh, hyung! But is that true? Are you seriously in a relationship?” Seungkwan questioned, tilting his head to the side, while wishing to get the answer everyone wanted to know. “Please! I won’t tell anyone.” he pouted.

Jeonghan let out a quiet snort, while looking to the side as he was kind of getting tired after hearing another person ask him that question.

Why was everyone suddenly so curious about it?

“I’m sorry Kwannie, but I won't tell you. Nice try though.” Jeonghan muttered, fixing his bag on his side, “See you tomorrow.”

Then, he turned around and walked out, leaving the younger boy and all of the gossip behind him in that building.

December's cold, evening breeze hit Jeonghan’s face, finally letting him breathe out in relief. The boy placed the hood over his head, tugging his hands into the pockets of his big hoodie.

He did it. He survived another day without getting caught.

Gosh.. it was so hard for him not to react every time he passed next to you in the hallways. To not stare at your beautiful face for too long, to not send you a soft smile, to not yield his food to you at the cafeteria or just hold your hand. He wanted to do it so badly, and many times he caught himself almost doing it.

But at the same time, Jeonghan was aware that even the smallest thing that could have been taken as ‘more than close friends’, might have caused suspicions from your or his friends. Which you two wanted to avoid at all cost. At least for now.

Your relationship had to stay invisible to people around you.

Even though the boy didn’t like that idea at first, after some time you two agreed that for now you won’t show your relationship in public, especially in college.

Jeonghan decided to give you time to get comfortable as it was your first relationship after being in a really harmful and traumatic one in the senior class at highschool. Your ex was a very cute and nice guy at the beggining who later turned into being really abusive towards you, especially verbally. And when you revealed at the beggining, that you two are dating, a lot of people abandoned you, leaving you behind with the problem that after a while you were forced to deal with all alone.

That’s mostly why you weren’t sure if you wanted to reveal your new relationship. And it’s not that you didn’t trust Jeonghan, because you did. You trusted him as no one else. But because of your past, you were not certain if you could go through that all over again.

Jeonghan couldn’t wait to finally see you, after this long and tiring day. He really wanted to hug you close and tell you how good you looked today. Because he missed you. Your voice, your smile, your smell, your warmth and your touch. He missed every single thing about you, and he hasn't interacted with you for only around 6 hours (not counting all of the texts that the two of you shared today).

Rushing towards your apartment with a bag of takeout food that he bought on the way, Jeonghan was already thinking what you two could do tonight. But the truth was that even if you two laid in your bed, cuddling, he was okay with it. Because what mattered to him was spending his time with you. Not the activity you did.

Right after only one ring to the door, you opened it with a tired smile visible on your face. You were already dressed in your kuromi pyjamas (to which Jeonghan had a matching, ‘my melody’ one), wearing fluffy socks.

Your boyfriend giggled, excited about seeing you and finally having you for himself only.

“Hi.” he said gently, with a bright smile shining on his face.

“Hi.” you replied softly, while connecting your hand with his, taking him into your apartment, and closing your door right behind him.

“I brought food!~" the boy cheered, taking his shoes off by his heels. You couldn’t help but melt, and a bright smile appeared on your lips.

The boy swung the bag in the air with a big smile, and you approached him, slowly kissing his cheek while thanking him sincerely. Then, he quickly placed the bag on the floor and wrapped his hands around your waist, hugging you tightly to his body.

Jeonghan laid his forehead on your shoulder, “I’m tired.” he murmured, closing his eyes while sighing, “I need to recharge.”

A smile creeped onto your lips as you slowly started to play with Jeonghan’s hair, him still being close to you.

“Don’t worry, baby. We have time.” you smiled, caressing his head. You let him ‘recharge’ as the boy didn’t move away from you for even a second.

“You’re doing a great job, Hannie.” finally, you broke the silence, feeling how he snuggled closer into the crook of your neck. The scent of your body has always had a calming effect on Jeonghan, and it wasn’t different now.

“I can’t believe that acting like a stranger with my girlfriend might be that tiring.” he murmured into your skin, immediately catching you off guard.

Your face saddened in the split of the second, with the feeling of guilt starting to take over you.

“Hannie-”

“No, it’s okay.” the boy looked up at you, with his shining, full of understanding eyes, “We both agreed on it after all. And I want you to feel comfortable when you’re with me. So I won’t pressure you into doing things you’re not okay with.” he added, and gently cupped your face with his hands, admiring your features.

“I’m sorry..” you mumbled, feeling the lump in your throat, “I’m sorry that because of me you have to pretend something you don’t want to, but.. please, believe me that I’m really.. really trying to somehow overcome this-”

Jeonghan quickly placed his lips on top of yours, connecting you in a gentle kiss, while stopping you from speaking more. At first your whole body stiffened, not expecting this. But the feeling of Jeonghan’s soft lips on top of yours started to overwhelm you, making you crave for more of him.

However, before you could even react and reciprocate his sweet action, Jeonghan already moved away from you, sending you a reassuring smile.

“Let’s eat, darling. I’m sure you’re hungry.” the boy suggested, and took the bag from the floor, making his way to your kitchen.

“And then I need to put my baby to sleep.” Jeonghan giggled, to which you quickly responded with a scoff, “I’m not a baby anymore.” you muttered, but the smirk was still present on your lips.

You quickly followed right after him, sitting by the kitchen island as you silently watched him take out the containers with food.

But the slight feeling of guilt hasn’t left you at all, making you stay up at night, tossing around in the bed, overthinking everything, while being tightly hugged from the back by Jeonghan.

Should you finally become visible to people?

Or should you let things stay as they’re now?

“So..” Millie — your best friend, started and you looked at her suspiciously.

The two of you were coming back from the nearest coffee shop after buying a coffee to go for yourselves. This small break was good for you as you still had this one lecture to survive.

“So?”

“I met a guy.” she said while covering her face as she already knew how you’re going to react.

You let out a sigh, closing your eyes whilw tilting your head to the side. “Millie, I swear to god..”

“But listen!” she interrupted, “He’s actually really nice and he cares for the others a lot! He’s the greatest gentleman I know! And you won’t believe me, but he’s actually close friends with Yoon Jeonghan.” after hearing that name, your eyes immediately widened.

You choked on your drink, immediately starting to cough, “Ooh..” you started trying to stabilize your voice, “What’s his name?” you asked, quickly realizing that you sounded too interested about that.

Even though you remembered a few of Jeonghan’s friends as he was sometimes going out or just talking about them with you, you were really curious which one stole Millie’s heart.

She grabbed your hand and squeezed it tightly, “Hong Joshua! Can you believe he’s also half american half korean? Just like me!” the girl exclaimed while grinning.

“Yeah, I’m happy for you-” you mumbled while trying to get off her hand, that was slowly starting to make your palm feel numb.

“I think we can even go and meet him now! Joshie said he’ll wait for me by the entrance.” Millie giggled just at the thought of the boy, and already started walking faster, leaving you behind.

You looked at her with some pity written on your face as you shook your head and followed her steps.

A few minutes later, the two of you were already standing by the entrance, waiting for Joshua to join you. On the way, Millie already told you that you’ll have this lecture together.

“He texted me he’ll be here any second!” Millie cheered, showing you the text that he sent her a few seconds ago. And as Joshua said, several seconds later, you two noticed him going towards you. However, he wasn’t alone.

Yoon Jeonghan, who was smiling brightly while listening to Joshua, accompanied him. It made your breath immediately hitch in your lungs.

Oh shit. You haven’t thought about the fact that he might actually come right now with Joshua.

“Hi Joshie!” Millie shouted enthusiastically, waving to the boy to get his attention. As soon as Joshua noticed Millie, his face brightened up as his eyes turned into two small crescents and a cute smile adorned his lips.

But you had your eyes stuck on him. And so did he, with a slight smirk that creeped onto his lips.

“Hi y/n! Millie talked a lot about you, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” Joshua greeted you, sending you one of his charming smiles to which you smiled back.

“This is my friend, Jeonghan.” he added, making you move your gaze at the mentioned boy, only to find him already staring at you.

There was a short silence before you decided to make the move.

“Hi.” you finally uttered, smiling gently.

“Hi.” Jeonghan replied, the same way as he had always greeted you.

It was your small tradition that only you two understood. Each of the smallest ‘hi’ you said, also meant ‘i missed you’ or ‘i love you’ at the same time.

“Oh, right, I almost forgot to tell you!” Millie said suddenly, making you twitch.

“Today, together with some other people from campus, we’re going to a barbeque restaurant! If you want to, you can join us. I think it’s going to be more fun and less uncomfortable if you’ll be there.” the girl remarked, and sent you a pleading look.

You looked at Jeonghan, searching for an answer on his face and he silently nodded, “Yeah, I can join you guys. And y/n too.” the boy answered, and shifted his eyes back to you.

“Perfect!” the girl cheered while hugging Joshua’s arm, “Then we see each other tonight at 6PM! I’ll send you the localisation later. But now let’s get going, the lecture is about to start!” she added, and then Millie pulled Joshua to the lecture hall, leaving you two behind.

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asked, worried by the absent look in your eyes.

You smiled briefly, “Yeah.. I’m just a bit tired. I just need to survive this one last hour. But now let’s go, we don’t want them to get suspicious, do we?” sending a small wink to Jeonghan, you quickly followed your best friend’s steps to the hall, with Jeonghan going right behind you, not being able to hide the smirk on his lips.

When you sat down in the hall room, several students were already there. Millie sat next to Joshua, and Jeonghan decided that you'll sit in the row behind them.

As soon as the lecture started, you placed your arms on the desk and laid down. The feeling of tiredness after not getting enough sleep tonight was taking over you, making it really hard for you to survive this day.

However, it didn’t go unnoticed by Jeonghan that you looked exhausted. Gently, he removed your hair that got in the way, and stroked your back.

He leaned closer and whispered, “How about you rest a bit, hm? I’ll take the needed notes for us, so you don’t have to worry.”

You smiled gently, melting inside from the softness and care that the boy treated you with. Nodding softly, you whispered a small ‘thank you’ to Jeonghan.

Opening your eyes one last time, you saw Jeonghan’s focused face. He was playing with the pen in his hand as he always had to have something in his hand.

As you shifted your gaze to Millie, you immediately noticed that compared to your boyfriend, the girl wasn’t paying attention to the lecture at all. She probably wasn’t even planning on doing it, because Millie was busy studying the boy next to her. Smiling weakly at the mere sight, you closed your eyes, finally drifting off to sleep.

Little did you know, Jeonghan also decided to follow Millie’s steps after some time.

“Hi angel, are you ready?”

Jeonghan peeked into your room as you were finishing getting ready for the night out. You looked up at him in the mirror, and the boy smoothly came closer to you with a smirk playing on his lips. He bent down to be on your eye level, and looked at you from the back by the mirror. The scent of his freshly applied perfume and shower gel hit your nose, showing that he just finished getting ready.

You two came back from the college around two hours ago. At the end of the lecture, the boy patted your arm gently, whispering your name to wake you up. He caught himself smiling at the sight of your sleeping figure, but quickly scolded himself for it, remembering that he has to take notes and act completely unaffected by you.

Not going to lie, it quickly became a big challenge for him.

The boy was wearing a black silk shirt with a deep neckline, paired with black loose pants. His hair was freshly styled, with his bangs resting right over his eyes. He looked incredibly attractive at that moment, making you rethink about how it is even possible that a man and an angel like him is actually your boyfriend.

You, on the other hand, did natural make-up, and wore a black dress that hugged your body perfectly, reaching around your calves area, with a deep cut that reached right above your knee. Your hair was left loose, and with a delicate gold necklace that Jeonghan gifted you on your birthday, your whole look was finished.

It was indeed intentional to choose an outfit that would match Jeonghan’s, and vice versa (but not too obvious). However, the more you thought about it, the more you were starting to doubt if you should go with that dress. Of course you wanted to look elegant and step out of your comfort zone a bit, but you quickly started to think if it was really worth it.

And just as if your boyfriend heard your thoughts, he whispered into your ear, “You look beautiful, sweetheart.” Jeonghan left a sweet peck on your cheek, “You don’t have to feel unsafe or uncomfortable. I promise I’ll be there to protect you everytime, at any cost.” he added, solving all of the problems that you could have been thinking at that moment.

The boy moved away a bit, finally allowing you to let out the breath that you didn’t even realize you’ve been holding the whole time. The scent of him was always really strong and just being by his side, you thought that you might go insane by any second.

Soon later, the two of you finally left your apartment, and sat comfortably in Jeonghan’s car that he parked in front of your house. Your way to the restaurant went actually really comfortably, and even when you didn’t say much, Jeonghan tightly held his hand intertwined with yours, whispering from time to time compliments to you.

When you entered the restaurant, Millie, Joshua and some other people that you didn’t really know were already sitting by the table. As soon as your best friend noticed you, she yelled your name and waved to you. The two of you joined the group, and you sat down next to Millie and a guy that you didn’t know. Jeonghan sat on the other side of the table, next to Joshua, and a girl who was really known in your college, Siyeon.

“I’m glad you guys actually made it!” Joshua cheered, and you smiled at him.

“Why did you two come together?” Siyeon asked, “Are you two dating or something?” she added, gaining everyone’s attention as everyone heard about the gossip.

She always knew how to get people to look at her. Siyeon was not only called the goddess of the campus, but also she made it with her attitude. And even now, she successfully gained everyone’s gaze by looking at her and at you two, while smirking lazily.

Her question made you immediately start to panic inside, but you were trying to not show it that much on the outside. Not knowing how to respond, you looked at Jeonghan, frightened. The boy immediately read from your facial expression what’s happening, and he decided to take action.

The boy laughed out loud, “Oh come on, guys! Does really everything have to be about dating? I just gave y/n a ride because it’s dark already, and she lives near me.”

Smooth.

Jeonghan looked at you, and sent you an apologetic look, “We’re just friends. We’re not in a relationship, guys.” he added, making the others start joking and laughing because of this situation.

Oh.

Even though you knew that the boy did it to protect you, and your relationship, you still felt that stinging pain in your heart.

But actually, what did you expect? Jeonghan did what he had to do to keep your relationship a secret. Something that you two agreed to do, especially because of you.

So why did you feel that way? Maybe.. just maybe, you deeply hoped that he would admit it, and say that you’re his girlfriend.

“Hey, you okay?” you heard Millie’s whisper by your ear, bringing you back from your thoughts.

You nodded, chuckling from embarrassment, “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.” she stroked your arm gently while sending you a reassuring smile, and you sent her a small smile, reaching for your glass of water to take a sip.

When all of you ordered, and the food together with alcohol was finally brought, your group started to eat, while telling stories, joking around, and slowly getting more drunk.

You weren’t really a fan of drinking as you had a light head, so you were always the responsible one for Millie as she always wanted to drink. But even now, when she had Joshua by her side, you still decided not to drink.

Jeonghan always reminded and assured you, that you shouldn’t worry about not drinking anymore. He insisted, that if you’d want to have some fun with friends then you shouldn’t stop yourself, because he’ll be there to protect you and take you home afterwards. But even when you knew he truly meant it, you still decided to stick by your glass of water.

Millie was already clinging to Joshua, already getting tipsy from the drinks she drank. People were laughing loudly at something and you were sitting silently, listening while finishing your portion of tteokbokki that you decided to have. A few minutes later, Jeonghan excused himself by the need to go to the toilet.

As soon as he disappeared by the corner, the boy next to you named Changmin, who also drank a few bottles of soju after the challenges the boys from your college made, turned around and suddenly shouted, “Oh y/n!” what made you immediately look at him, not knowing what was happening.

Then, the boy leaned closer to you, making you widen your eyes and he clumsily sweeped some of the sauce with his thumb, that was in the corner of your lips.

Unfortunately, while being already tipsy from the alcohol, he made even a bigger mess on your face as he not only smeared the sauce to your chin but also some of your lipstick.

“Oops!” he laughed goofily, and some of the boys that were there started to laugh with him.

You just hoped that someone would somehow help you. But Millie was already passed out on the chair, with Joshua being concerned about her. Other girls, including Siyeon, were busy gossiping and drinking more soju. So you were left alone with this situation.

Quickly, you reached for the napkin that was near your bowl, and turned slightly to the side, gently removing the sauce and leftovers from your lipstick. You felt embarrassed because of what happened, just as if that boy fully meant to do it.

But it wasn’t funny to you at all.

Changmin looked at you one more time before smacking your thigh with his palm and squeezing it slightly. You widened your eyes as you were flabbergasted what just happened. And in the split of the second, you pushed his hand away.

“What the fuck are you doing?” you asked angrily, as you immediately felt uncomfortable but also pissed by the boy’s sudden action.

“Aww, poor baby is not in the mood,” he chuckled and reached for his chopsticks to take another piece of the tteokbokki from your plate and put it in front of your mouth.

“We need to feed the baby, say aaaaah~”

You hit his hand away once again, and the boys around started to laugh even more, making you feel ashamed. The tears from helpless frustration started to sting your eyes, but you strongly resisted to open your mouth and eat the tteokbokki that Changmin put in front of you once again.

“Come on, y/n! Say a-”

“I’m sure y/n is not hungry anymore.”

You heard a voice from behind you, and the person quickly pushed Changmin’s arm away. You looked up, seeing Jeonghan’s serious face behind you. He took a quick glance at you, immediately noticing the tears that swelled in your eyes.

Your boyfriend grabbed your wrist and pulled you up, the chair squeaking by the sudden drag.

“Oh come one, dude!” one of the boys shouted, but he was totally ignored by Jeonghan.

He quickly hid your fragile body behind his silhouette, looking into your eyes which glistened with tears.

Jeonghan cupped your cheeks with his hands, “Talk to me, angel. Did he hurt you?” he whispered gently, looking at you intensively.

You didn’t respond to him, tears glistening in your eyes.

The boy cursed under his breath, quickly focusing on you once again, “I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry angel that I left you here alone..” he whispered, gently kissing your forehead, “I’ll take you home now.”

“Jeonghan, dude! Your friend is so damn pretty,” Changmin yelled, lazily getting up from the chair, stumbling over his own legs, “Can I have her number? You know that I like girls like her, especially in bed.”

You could see how Jeonghan’s face immediately darkened, and he let out a loud scoff after hearing the boy’s question. He took a deep breath and grasped your hand.

“Okay, then I’ll text you later!” Changmin shouted.

Not even glancing back anymore you two left the restaurant, immediately getting into Jeonghan’s car.

This time, the silence was really uncomfortable, compared to the time you drove here. The atmosphere between you not knowing why thickened.

During the whole way home, Jeonghan was silent. He focused on the road, still holding your hand, and only taking small glances at you from time to time. There were a few times when you wanted to say something, but as your mouth opened, nothing came out. You thought as if you’re going to explode from the nervousness you felt at that moment.

When you finally reached your apartment, you walked into it silently, taking off your coats and shoes.

You knew that the boy was trying to give you some time and space, but as you’ve already known Jeonghan well, you knew that something was bothering him as well.

The boy muttered something about getting a glass of water for himself, and you, feeling guilty about everything that had happened, decided to follow him to the kitchen like a puppy.

He took a glass for himself and also for you, and poured some water for you to drink before drinking from his glass. But you had other plans than drinking that stupid water.

You knew it was finally the time to destroy the wall between the two of you.

“Jeonghan-” you said, but in the blink of an eye his glass hit the hard surface of your kitchen island and he scooped you up, placing you on the countertop.

Jeonghan’s arms rested by the two of your sides, securing you, as he stood between your legs. He was silent, with his head lowered.

Your heart was beating like crazy and your breathing sped up. You had no idea what you should do in this situation.

“It’s so.. fucking frustrating.” the boy hissed, still not looking at you. You decided to give him time and you waited for him patiently.

Finally, after a while the boy raised his head, looking straight into your eyes. As he was slightly bent down, his eyes were on the same level as your, dangerously close to your face.

“It’s so fucking frustrating, that people can’t see that we are together. That you can’t call me yours, and I can’t call you mine. That I have to tell everyone that we’re just friends. That we can’t have any, even the smallest interactions..” he stopped for a second, being completely drowned in your eyes.

“Please.. y/n.” Jeonghan sighed painfully, “Can’t you see how hard I’m trying? Just give.. us a chance. I will show you that we can be together in the public, and that we can survive by being by each other’s side. Because I love you, y/n.”

And for the first time in your life, you saw Jeonghan's eyes fill with tears, making it really hard for you to also not tear up.

“A-and..” he stuttered, as his voice slowly started to break.

“Recently I’m not even sure anymore if you still love me the same way as I do.”

Ouch.

Just one sentence. Small like a needle, but painful like a knife.

You immediately cupped Jeonghan’s face, wiping his tears away with your thumb. The boy had stuck his eyes still to yours, desperately looking for an answer.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so so.. sorry, that I made you feel that way..” you uttered, “I was blind, mainly following my feelings and needs, while not focusing enough on yours, which you also had.” you stopped for a second, taking a big breath to not let your voice break.

“You’ve always been so patient with me, always honest and so soft with the way you treated me.. You protected me, and was with me when I needed you the most. And I..” your voice broke, and you let out a shaky sigh.

“I gave you nothing back but rules. I feel so stupid because of that..” your eyes shone with the tears that you couldn’t hold in anymore. Jeonghan was listening to you silently, with his eyes still watery, but now you could find hope in it.

“I’m so sorry, Hannie..” you whispered as you brought the boy closer, crossing your hands over his shoulders. He snuggled into the crook of your neck, while holding your waist tightly, and inhaling your scent.

You stayed in this position for a few good minutes, before you finally pulled away, resting your foreheads over yourselves. You had your eyes stuck on Jeonghan’s shining ones, and he had on yours. And at that point, when you were staring at your boyfriend, you'd made up your mind.

You were ready.

“Hannie..” you uttered.

The boy sent you a soft smile, “Yes, angel?” he murmured.

“I want us to be visible. I don’t want us to hide anymore.” you decided, immediately noticing how much you caught Jeonghan off guard by your sudden statement.

On the spur of the moment and Jeonghan’s confusion, you leaned down and placed your lips on top of his, connecting you in a soft kiss.

At first, Jeonghan didn’t react to your action. But then he melted into the kiss, turning it into a passionate and hungry kiss. He quickly cupped your cheeks with one of his hands, holding your face gently while not allowing you to pull away with his other hand that rested on your waist.

You ran your hands through his soft, dark hair. The boy lifted your body from the kitchen island, and you wrapped your legs around his waist, not breaking the kiss as the boy made his way to your bedroom.

Yeah.

You were sure that you wanted to make you two visible.

The sound of the messages blowing up your phone has been ringing for the past 15 minutes, echoing in your room. Irritated by another incoming call, you finally woke up, and it turned out that it was Millie, the same as all of the messages.

You answered the call and put it on the speaker, placing your phone next to your pillow as you layed back on the bed.

“Millie.. I swear to god, if it’s something unimportant and you woke me up on the day when the lectures start later-”

“Wait y/n! Have you checked my messages?” Millie’s loud voice made you squeeze your eyes from the loudness, as you were still half asleep.

A sigh left your mouth, “Girl be for real. You just woke me up, how could I check your messages?” you muttered while rubbing your eyes.

“Then check it! I think you need to see it!” Millie shouted, and lazily, you took your phone, unlocking it and going straight to messages.

Millie sent you a screenshot with an Instagram post, uploaded by Siyeon. She took a selfie with Jeonghan, who sat next to her (probably not even knowing she was taking photos).

You immediately noticed that this photo was taken at the meeting that you attended a few days ago. Siyeon was wearing the same, short burgundy dress she wore that day, and Jeonghan had the same black shirt on.

But the most disturbing thing was the description she wrote under the post.

Liked by shushu_a and 16 134 others

SolLaSiyeon: finally breaking the radio silence 😘

“Can you believe that Lim Siyeon is in a relationship with Yoon Jeonghan?!” Millie squealed on the other side, and she started talking about something, but her voice began to gradually mute. You didn’t respond, being completely stunned by what you just saw.

“Wait. How do you know they’re together?” you asked, wanting to deny Millie’s assumption, “She didn’t say anything about it.”

“Oh y/n.. the title holds the whole meaning!” your best friend was quick to answer you, “She breaks the radio silence while posting a photo with Yoon Jeonghan. And in the description she writes ‘breaking the radio silence’ which refers to the gossip about Jeonghan’s girlfriend!”

Now it actually made sense, what made you feel even more terrified.

That one scene kept playing in your mind.

“Why did you two come together? Are you two dating or something?”

The girl was planning it from the beginning, making sure that her plan would work out.

Your best friend was still talking about something, but you didn’t really have the time to listen about how Joshua did this and that, so unfortunately you had to cut her off, “Sorry, Millie, but I really have to go. I’ll see you at the lectures later.” and you hung up, quickly getting up from the bed to get ready.

You couldn’t just leave it like that, you had to do something.

But what exactly..?

Your heart was racing and you felt like throwing up. You were waiting by one of the lecture halls, pacing back and forth while trying to calm yourself down. From what you’ve heard from some people on the campus, Siyeon was supposed to finish her lecture now, making it easier for you to catch her and talk with her.

And just as you were coming by the door again, it opened widely and people started to flood out of the room. You waited, standing on the side by the wall, while nervously biting your lower lip. You kept observing when the girl would come out from the lecture hall.

Finally, after some seconds you noticed the familiar face, immediately feeling how your insides start to roll from the stress. Siyeon was talking with one of her friends, not even sparing one glance at you, being deeply immersed in her conversation.

You took one deep breath before following them, and finally calling Siyeon’s name. The girl stopped her movements and turned around to face you, immediately putting the fake ‘shit i have to look friendly’ smile on her face.

“Hi y/n, what’s up?” she asked, trying to sound as enthusiastic as she could. You gulped, feeling how hot your whole body started to feel.

“Hi,” you mumbled, “Could I ask you a favor?” the girl looked at you questioningly.

“Could you delete the post with Jeonghan that you recently posted?”

Siyeon’s eyes grew bigger as her smile turned into a grimace. “Huh why? Is something wrong with that, sweetie?”

“I don’t want you to create confusion and another round of gossip about my boyfriend.”

There you go. You finally said that.

However, the girl pressed her lips tightly, and looked at her friend, bursting out laughing. The wave of coldness ran through your body. That wasn’t something you expected.

“Okay, o-okay,” Siyeon stuttered, trying to calm down from laughing, “You got us. That was a nice one, y/n. Now if you excuse us-”

“I’m not finished.”

Suddenly, your hand gripped onto her wrist, stopping her mid-step from walking away. Siyeon glanced at your hand that was tightened around her forearm. She rolled her eyes, letting out a scoff as she turned around to face you.

Then you finally noticed how people started to circle you, observing what’s happening, some even recording. Your mouth immediately felt dry but you knew you couldn’t give up now.

“I don’t want you to post any more photos that include my boyfriend, while trying to make an impression as if he is your boyfriend. Yes! We might have been secret about our relationship, but it’s not as if we didn’t have the right to. It’s actually none of anyone’s business who Jeonghan is dating, because it shouldn’t be anyone’s main concern. But, when you post a photo with a description that says ‘breaking the radio silence’ as if you’re proposing to everyone, that you two are dating, then nothing else is left for me than to finally reveal the main secret, that everyone has been dying to find out the truth.” you smirked, while letting out a quiet snark.

“Yoon Jeonghan is dating me. I am his girlfriend, and Jeonghan is mine.”

Everyone and everything around you fell silent. The only thing you could hear at that moment was your rapidly beating heart, and your own breathing.

After some seconds, you finally looked at Siyeon, only to find she wasn’t looking at you. The girl had her eyes set on something behind your figure. You frowned, and slowly turned around.

At that moment, you felt as if your heart dropped. Your whole body froze, the feeling of embarrassment and shame striking you right at that specific moment.

Because no one else than Yoon Jeonghan himself was standing a few meters from you, in front of the whole crowd. He had his hands stuck in the pockets of his jeans, head tilted a little to the side while a proud smirk was stuck to his lips.

When Siyeon finally came out of her daze, she hit your stiff figure with her shoulder as she ran up to Jeonghan, pouting. “Jeonghanie! Did you hear what that crazy chick was saying? Isn’t she stupid? How could she even say such insane things! You’re not her boyfrie-”

“Oh, but I am.” he cut her off, with that lazy smirk he always loved to wear.

If your speech made an impact on people who stood around you, Jeonghan’s approval surely caught the whole crowd off guard. Everyone started to whisper, gossip and murmur about something.

“W-what?” Siyeon’s lips started to tremble, “But oppa..” she whined, trying to argue with him, but Jeonghan simply ignored her.

He slowly approached your shaking figure, sending you a warm grin. Gently, he took your hand and connected it with his, intertwining your fingers. The boy left a butterfly kiss on your knuckles, immediately getting sounds of adorations and approval from around.

Your eyes met his, and the boy whispered, “Trust me.”

Jeonghan slowly walked out of the crowd, pulling you out from that corridor. The two of you left the building silently, and finally when you were in the campus’ park, you had to break the silence.

“Hannie..” you removed your hand from his, gaining a questioning look from your boyfriend, “Listen, I’m sorry.. I know I should have stopped myself from doing it, from getting jealous, from confronting Siyeon, and from letting out the secret, but believe me I didn’t do it on purpose.. I-I.. ah..” you stuttered, being lost in your words, “I couldn’t just leave it like that when everyone started to gossip about you being in a relationship with her and-”

“y/n, stop.” Jeonghan’s firm voice ran through your whole body, shutting you up right away.

The boy chuckled, gently cupping your cheeks with his palms, and looking deeply into your eyes with his shining ones.

“Did you really think I would get mad at you for any of these? Angel.. why would I even do that..? You can’t imagine how happy I felt when you finally gave us a green light. But still, I wanted you specifically to tell us about us and our relationship.” he caressed your cheeks with his knuckles, smiling at your pouting face.

“And that moment when you claimed that you’re my girlfriend and I’m only yours? Damn, sweetheart, that was so hot-”

“Yoon Jeonghan!” he immediately got rewarded with a slap on his shoulder as the boy bursted out laughing at your shyness.

“Okay, I’m sorry!” he giggled, and you finally broke the grimace, sending him a soft smile.

“But seriously, you can’t even believe how happy you just have made me right there.” Jeonghan added, and left a sweet kiss on your forehead before conecting your hands once again.

“Hot chocolate?” he asked charmingly.

“Hot chocolate.” you nodded.

Walking down the main sidewalk of your campus, many people looked at you, and specifically at your intertwined hands. With your cheeks burning red, you took your phone out of your pocket, only to find lots of calls and messages from people from the campus. And one of them was Millie.

Millie:

YOU.

bitch

how dare you not tell me anything!!!! >:(

you have LOTS to tell me

and i won’t let you go

oh nononononooooo

so better prepare yourself

cuz i need to know

every.

single.

detail.

EVERYTHINGGGGGG

As you think of it now, while laying peacefully in your bed and having Jeonghan snuggled into the crook of your neck, even if you liked the way you two functioned while being ‘invisible’, you had to agree.

Being visible with Jeonghan was much better.

reuploads and likes are highly appriciated ♡

#it took me so long #oh my godddd #im sorry #writer’s block hits hard #but jeonghan is making me go insane #and i wish i was joking #yoon jeonghan #jeonghan #jeonghan fanfic #seventeen #seventeen imagines #svt fluff #seventeen fluff #yoon jeonghan imagines #jeonghan x reader #jeonghan angst #angst #fluff #jeonghan fluff

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cypionate60mg · 9 months ago

Note

I just wanted to say I love what you’re doing omg… apologies if im totally missing the point by the way, I have only read some of ur responses to other asks and I’m not well read at all in the philosophy you talk about. Still I feel really seen by your posts or more accurately your posts feel exactly like my state of mind before committing to transitioning…. The repetitive and often kind of fleeting quality of the images you use reminds me of the obsessiveness I used to have over my (purposely unattainable) wishes of what I could be, the sort of wishes that don’t expect to be fulfilled unless pushed to the forefront by someone else, which the forcemasc does…. The captions are so raw and definitive that they feel half like someone else talking to me and half like my own repressed consciousness speaking what it can’t respectably say through someone else. most of the men being guys who I absolutely will not look like (I’m Asian and really short) adds to this because ur posts feel like the expression of an ideal fantasy, with all the caveats and problematic implications of creating an ideal fantasy of what being a man is based on your half-formed understanding of manhood through tv and the movies and whatnot… it rlly feels like trying to formulate an idea of what being a man would be like, without understanding or rlly comprehending the realities of life as the sort of man you will be. And in this way it’s like being on the precipice of taking the steps to actually realize the person you want to be, which you have some image of, but you really don’t know… the thing about transition (ime anyways) is that it highlights how who you are and who you want and what you value are all more intertwined and codeterminate than ppl think. I think many trans men eventually reach this point where they have to grapple with the question of what makes a man, anyways, besides a desire to be one? These posts feel like the state before unraveling any of that but you can see the strings so visibly there, waiting to be pulled on… Also one particular image you used a bit ago the one of the man and woman on the bicycle oh my god idk what it’s actually from but it felt so precisely like something I’d see while closeted and fixate on for weeks and weeks, creating a whole new image of it in my mind as a symbol of what could ideally be, stripping it of what it actually was while making it something more. Also your blog has felt very validating to me in my desire to turn away from wanting to be pretty, even as a man, which I feel is a box transmascs often get placed in against our will. Sorry this became an essay …. All of this is to say that I really appreciate your work and I’m excited to see where u go with it next !

Miss the point? I'd say quite the opposite. And no philosophy primer needed. If I were to go through, line by line, and find quotes of yours that I found incredibly salient and accurate to my own feelings, then I'd probably be copy-pasting your entire message. Very well-said.

There's also something to be said about being Asian and transmasculine. How it is burdened with uniquely specific assumptions about motivations for transition and rampant intracommunity fetishization. I try not to let it overwhelm me. Biting my tongue for now, but I have a lot to say about this. It's part of why I am painfully careful about whose photos I use, and with what text.

I'm relieved that you are able to pick out the intentional shortcomings of this project. The images show us fantasies of masculinity, and the captions do represent (to some degree) the frustration and neediness that comes from wanting to attain those ideals. They're that "repressed consciousness speaking what it can't respectably say", and I am that "someone else" for you, the viewer. I'll always be here to remind you that you should do it, you should chase after it anyway, because pursuing the impossible still changes you in a very real, palpable way.

"If you can't do it good, do it hard."

Thanks, anon. I hope I hear from you again.

Much love, CYP60MG

P.S. That movie is Rebels of the Neon God by Ming-liang Tsai. You should watch it.

youtube

#ask cyp60mg #director's commentary #behind the scenes

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hwanghyunjinenthusiast · 2 years ago

Text

Number 1 Fan

AN: Might as well start off the Ateez smut with my man. This is highly unsafe and probably unethical but, luckily this is fiction lmao. (Also I know not everyone who supports sex workers is a simp and there's nothing wrong with supporting sex workers. Mingi is deadass just a simp in this lol.)

Synopsis: Mingi is one of your biggest fans. He never misses a livestream and has watched every video you've posted. When you announce that you've decided to film a video with one of your followers to celebrate reaching a thousand subscribers, he knows he has no chance of winning but tries his luck anyways. Fortunately for Mingi, luck is on his side.

Heads up: Song Mingi x Fem! Reader, Sex worker! Reader, Simp! Mingi, Mingi is very nervous throughout this, Dom! Reader, Sub! Mingi, praise (m. receiving), dirty talk, oral sex (f. and m. receiving), 69 position, unprotected piv sex and creampie.

Word count: 3640

I will block you if you are a minor and/or have no easily visible indication of your age on your blog if you interact with me in any way.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

The air stills in Mingi's lungs when he sees the notification. For a moment, he thinks he's dreaming or hallucinating. However, when he clicks it to read the email, he realises that this is, in fact, very real.

His eyes frantically scan the email informing him that he'd been the one selected to be featured in one of your videos. He'd actually won. He sags onto his bed, reading the email over and over again. Mingi could not believe his eyes.

He's actually going to talk to you. He's going to meet you.

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

Mingi is pretty sure his heart is trying to beat out of his chest as he makes his way to the coffee shop you two agreed to meet at. You two had been talking ever since he found out he won. Obviously you didn't give him your personal number since he's sure you have tonnes of creepy people following you, but it was still surreal being able to speak to you directly nonetheless.

You both agreed to meet in person to ease the nervousness and anxiety of filming with one another. Also likely so you could make sure Mingi wasn't some weirdo. Understandable.

"Mingi?" He hears someone ask, and he's certain he forgets how to breathe momentarily.

When he glances up, he sees that you'd already arrived and gotten a table outside.

"Y-Yeah, it's nice to finally meet you," he says, trying his best not to visibly cringe at the audible nervousness in his voice.

The smile you give him only makes his tongue feel heavier in his mouth, and his palms sweat exponentially. He needs to pull himself together.

"It's nice to finally meet you too. Sit, sit, I got here a few minutes ago and thought it would be better to get a table before they were all taken," you respond, gesturing to the empty seat across from you.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," he says, taking a seat a little bit too eagerly.

You wave off his apology, "Don't worry. I just like to get to places early. Force of habit."

He bites back the apology he wants to spew out nonetheless, " So have you ordered anything? Hope you didn't wait for me to order."

"Well, it would be pretty rude to order without you being here," you respond with a small smile, "Besides, I only got here about 10 minutes before you did. Really, you didn't keep me waiting long."

Mingi pointedly ignores the warmth he feels flooding his face.

Before he can respond, the waitress arrives to take your respective orders, and Mingi is fortunately saved from stumbling over his words infront of you. He got his usual order and made a note on your affinity for iced coffee. He had no idea why, it's not like he'd ever interact with you this way again.

"So, what's your username?" Is the first question you fire at him when the two of you are alone again, completely throwing him.

"Oh uh it's _song99_," he responds, sheepishly rubbing his neck.

"Oh! That's you? I see you all the time. I didn't realise you were such a big fan," you say with such genuine enthusiasm and a smile that Mingi can't really find it within himself to feel too embarrassed with you realising how much he enjoyed your content.

"Yeah, I found you when you were just starting out, and I really liked your videos. It kind of...snowballed from there," he says honestly.

"What about my content made you decide to stick around?" You ask curiously, tilting your head as you seem to truly size him up then.

He can feel the tips of his ears reddening. How is he supposed to explain to you that you had him wrapped around your finger the first time he saw you cum without sounding like a creepy weirdo?

"You seem like a sweet guy, Mingi. I doubt anything you're going to say anything that'll offend me," you say softly. The hesitance must've come off of him in waves.

"I like how genuine your videos and streams come across. I know this is your job, and maybe I'm protecting my fantasies onto you, but you don't seem insincere in your content. At least not to me. Also, your passion really shines through. It's pretty clear how much effort and thought you put into your video quality, your sets, your outfits, the...toys you use. You balance sincerity with professionalism really well," he says far more passionately than he perhaps meant to, studiously avoiding your gaze.

"Oh," is the first thing out of your mouth, and Mingi wishes the earth would open up and swallow him whole. He's such a fucking weirdo. Who gets that impassioned-

"That's probably the most thoughtful and sweet compliment anyone's ever given me about my content," you say, and he glances up at you only to be surprised at the shy look on your face. You were always so self-assured and confident, he doesn't remember ever seeing you look so bashful. Not even in your first videos.

"I really mean it. I can't speak for the other people who watch you obviously but, those are some reasons that immediately come to my mind when I think of why I choose to pay for your content," he says, butterflies erupting in his stomach when you give him a smaller smile but, it's blinding all the same.

The rest of your coffee...date? Mingi isn't exactly sure what to call it. A meeting feels entirely too formal, and the more delusional part of him likes the idea of it being a date. Either way, it went pretty well. You two talked extensively about boundaries and what was okay and what wasn't. He was proud of himself for only choking on his drink a total of four times, the worst being when you asked if he'd be comfortable with unprotected sex.

Hiding your amusement at his coughing fit terribly, you'd explained that those videos tend to perform really well, but you'd never push him if he was uncomfortable with it. You also added that you two would get full STD tests done beforehand.

Maybe Mingi was too infatuated with you and a fucking idiot but, it didn't take much beyond that to agree. Chugging his drink a little after that when he felt himself getting hard at the mere thought of feeling you directly.

Fuck, he hopes he doesn't embarrass himself by only lasting a few minutes.

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

Mingi's heart is in his throat when he knocks on the door of the hotel room you booked for the...session. He offered to cover atleast half of it, but you waved him off, assuring him that it would fall under your business expenses. Still, he couldn't help feeling a little guilty about it.

When you open the door, he's sorely unprepared for the sight of you. The white top you're wearing leaves very little to the imagination, your nipples visible through the flimsy material as it essentially acts as a second skin. Your pastel pink skirt barely reaches your mid-thigh, hugging your waist in a way that makes Mingi feel dizzy.

He's seen you in various states of undress and fully naked online, but it doesn't come anywhere close to you in the flesh. He can already feel himself getting hard and heat rushing to his face.

"Mingi, hi," you say, sounding so genuinely enthusiastic to see him that it only worsens the butterflies already raging in his gut. "Hi y/n. It's good to see you again," he responds when his cognitive abilities return to him. Your delectable perfume invades his senses when you move aside to let him in, only further adding to his increasing delirium.

He finds himself growing a little nervous when he settles on the bed, so many different cameras pointed towards it. Towards him. Well, he did know you put a lot of effort into the shots you got, he just didn't realise how much effort.

"Hey, you don't have to be nervous. Just focus on me," you say softly, slotting yourself between his thighs and cupping his face to make him meet your warm eyes.

God, this must be so easy for you, and here he is already floundering because you smell great and look even better.

"Is this okay? We don't have to do anything you don't want to," you say when he doesn't respond to your words or your touch. He needs to get his shit together.

Tentatively, his hands reach towards your waist, excitement outweighing anxiety for once when his fingers partially brush your soft skin. "Yeah, sorry. I'm okay. I think I'm just a little nervous, and I started to feel intimidated by the cameras," he says, deciding that being honest with you would probably be for the best.

"It is intimidating in the beginning, but you get used to it. Plus, hopefully, I'll provide enough of a distraction that you'll forget about the cameras," you respond playfully, your thumb absentmindedly stroking his cheek. A shudder runs down his spine and straight to his cock, "Yeah, I'm sure I'll forget about them in no time."

"Is it okay if I kiss you?" You ask, your eyes considerably darker than they were moments ago. Your thumb now running itself just below his bottom lip.

Mingi nods dumbly, unintentionally tightening his grip around your waist when you shift even closer to him, practically in his lap. "When I ask you a question, I expect a verbal response," you say with a soft, commanding edge to your voice, lidded eyes focusing in on his mouth.

He hopes you don't feel the shiver that runs through his body. "Yes, you may kiss me," he whispers, his hands shaking slightly. "Good boy," Mingi doesn't have much time to dwell on how those particular words make the tightening in his boxers worse because you press a soft kiss against his lips seconds later.

He can't help the quiet moan that slips from his lips at the contact. You're so much softer than he imagined you'd be. You taste better than anything his mind could come up with by a long shot. Without much conscious thought, his grip on your waist tightening. Pulling you closer until you're straddling him, panty covered slit mere centimetres from his crotch.

"So-sorry, I just got excited," he mutters when he's able to pull away from your addictive mouth. The little giggle you give him in response does funny things to his heart, "Mingi, it's okay. You getting excited is a good thing. A great thing, actually," you respond. He clenches his jaw when you settle yourself in his lap, the pressure your weight provides makes his cock throb almost painfully.

It's made all the more worse when your hips roll against him experimentally, the friction resulting in him groaning against your lips and his hands desperately flying to your hips. "You're so cute," you say breathlessly, dotting his jaw with featherlight kisses as you seemingly find a rhythm you like. The praise goes straight to his dick. Pre-cum dribbling out and smearing his boxers as his cheeks flush red.

"You're so pretty," his muddled brain supplies as a response. His hands digging into your hips at a particularly hard grind you give him and the peaks of your pink panties he's able to see underneath your skirt.

He's startled when you push him down flat on his back. The look in your eyes borders on predatory as your toy with the hem of his shirt. "Cute and sweet? I got lucky, huh," you muse. Mingi is pretty sure his blush is all the way down to his neck at this point.

"Is it okay if I take this off?" You ask.

He tries his best to swallow down his self-consciousness, "Yeah, it's okay."

You tug at his shirt so impatiently that he's briefly concerned that you might rip in the process. Not that he'd really mind. He'd happily let you tear all of his clothes off of him.

"You're so hot," you practically moan when his bare torso is laid out for you to see, lightly dragging your fingertips down his chest. His cock throbs at the compliment and he barely mutters out a thank you. Honestly, your praise is doing fantastic things for his self-esteem.

Shudders run down his spine from every drag of your nails against his skin. Leaving faint, pink marks, and goosebumps in their wake. You lean down to kiss his jaw as your hands toy with his belt. Mingi feels like all he can do is lie here and let you do whatever you want with him. His hands gripping your hips for purchase all the while.

"I want to suck you off. May I?"

Mingi is pretty sure his vision blurs for a moment. Not entirely sure if he heard you correctly.

"You don't have to," he retorts without much of a second thought. Meaning it.

"You sweet man," you say with a smile, giving him a quick peck on the lips, "I know I don't have to. Do I strike you as the kind of woman who does things she doesn't want to?"

Well, you have a point there.

"No," he responds shyly, "but is okay if I eat you out?"

That catches you off-guard, and you look down at him in slight surprise for a moment.

"Sure," you finally respond, and he doesn't fail to notice the slight breathy edge to your voice. It's good to know he isn't the only one affected by all of this.

"I can sit on your face while I suck you off. If that's okay with you?"

Mingi almost grits his teeth from how hard his cock throbs from your words. The prospect of you sitting on his face sending his world spinning.

"Yeah fuck, yeah it's okay with me," he breathes out.

You give him one more peck on the lips before shuffling off of him, and Mingi bites back the whine on the tip of his tongue at the loss of your warmth. However, his eyes remain focused on you when he watches you tug your panties down your plush thighs. Arousal punching him in the gut when he notices the wet spot on your panties and the peaks he catches of your pussy when your skirt rides up.

He's elated to know he's not the only one into this.

He's completely breathless watching you strip naked infront of him. Your hypnotic tits bouncing and jiggling as you shimmy out of your skirt. Fuck. Fuck, you're too much for him.

You shoot him another of those seductive yet somehow sweet smiles before positioning yourself over his face. The sight of your bare, wet, swollen pussy sends lightning straight down his spine to his cock. It throbs painfully just from taking you in.

He's brought out of his stupor when feels your hands tug his boxers and jeans down. Anxiety seizing him for a moment when he considers how you might react to seeing him fully naked. Would you think his dick was ugly? Too small? Curved weirdly?

"Oh," is all he hears you utter for a moment, and he tenses. "I'm definitely going to have fun with you," he moans, and his hips jerk into your touch when your much smaller hand attempts to wrap around him. Wanting to even the playing field a little here, his tongue takes his first taste of you.

The soft moan you let out goes straight to his dick and, he's half sure you feel him throb in your grasp. That doesn't matter, however, because you taste better than he imagined. Your taste and scent enveloping his senses and making his mind feel hazier than it already was.

His hands grip your thighs then and firmly press you to his mouth. Eagerly lapping and sucking on your clit while occasionally dipping lower and, tasting your dripping wetness directly.

"Mingi," you cry out, your hand weakly stroking his cock and sending sparks throughout his body. It's made all the worse when you kitten lick his tip, your tongue and warm breaths making his hips buck up into you. Before he can apologise, you decide to take him in your mouth fully. Well, as far as you can. Your hand continuing to stroke the rest of him.

It's Mingi's turn to falter now. A drawn out groan falling from his lips and into your soaking slit as you suck him off with so much determination that he's actually worried he'll cum briefly. The sounds of you gagging on him filling the room and, only adding to his approaching climax.

He's not sure if you just have a sixth sense for this kind of thing or if he's just that easy to read but, you ease off of him then. Giving his tip one last kiss before speaking, "Not that I wouldn't love to feel you cum down my throat but, I'd much rather feel you cum inside of me."

His fingers dig into your soft thighs. Cock throbbing in your hold as your words wash over him.

Mingi is quickly discovering that the view of you straddling him might just be his new favourite ever. Your pretty tits jiggling with every movement you make briefly distracting him. He feels himself tense when you grab his cock in your soft hand, sending him a devious smile before you slowly start to sink down onto him.

He knows he should be more careful and considerate, but his hold on your hips is harsh and bruising from the get-go. His eyes rolling into the back of his head as your tight walls cling to his dick so fiercely that he's briefly worried he really might just cum in a few minutes. The whines and breathy moans that fall from your lips as you try to adjust to the stretch he provides only makes matters worse.

"Ah Mingi, you're so d-deep," you stutter out, fingernails biting into the skin of his abdomen.

His hips impulsively thrust up into you, both of you moaning at the sensations it provides, "Fu-fuck, sorry," he groans out. He knows you need time to adjust but, he's not sure how long he can stay still without completely losing his sanity.

"It's okay," you pant out, slowly lifting yourself off of him before sinking down. Your nails leaving more faint, red traces in their wake as you find your pace on top of him. He's too entranced to do anything but, watch as you fuck yourself on him. Your pretty face contorted in pleasure, and he internally preens with pride. That confidence is shaken moments later, however, when he takes in how your breast bounce and how most of his cock disappears inside of you.

"You look so beautiful," he says, becoming too lost in the pleasure, too lost in you to really care anymore. "You feel so good too, fuck," he groans, one of his hands drifting to one of your breasts and toying with your hardened nipple.

The way you clench around him at the contact makes his head spin.

"You feel good too, Mingi," you cry out, "You're so big and deep." He shuts his eyes, cock throbbing harshly inside of you as he tries to gain his bearings. He isn't going to cum without making you cum first. He has to feel you cum on his dick.

Maybe it's the determination to make you cum or maybe he's too far gone to be self-conscious anymore, whatever it is makes him sit up and take one of your tempting nipples in his mouth. Moaning against you when you let out a startled gasp and your immaculate pussy clamps down on him once more. Your hands desperately cling to his shoulders and hair, mewing softly as he sucks and licks to his heart's content.

His teeth nearly sink into you when he feels you cum around him. Velvety walls gripping him so harshly that he can barely move. Your hands keeping him pressed to your fantastic tits, not that he was planning on going anywhere anytime soon. It really doesn't take much more than that for him to join you. His moans muffled by your skin as he holds onto you fiercely. His cock sheathed to the brim inside of you as he paints your walls white.

Your stuttered cry of his name only emboldens him further. One of his hands slipping between your bodies in search of your clit. From the way you tighten around him and tug on his hair, he guesses he's found it. Experimenting with which speed and pattern draws the best reactions out of you.

Mingi loosens his grip on you then. Your shared, laboured breathing filling the hotel room as you all but, crumple on top of him.

"Maybe I should ask you to feature in more of my videos," you muse against his shoulder once you've mostly come back to yourself.

He feels his face warm considerably, "I guess that means you had a good time?"

You cup his jaw then, making him meet your intense but still somehow mischievous gaze, "Mingi, I haven't cum that hard in who knows how long. I can barely get up."

If he hadn't cum literally minutes ago, he'd probably be hard enough to cut diamond right now. He's sure this'll bolster his ego for at least a good five years.

"I um I'm glad you enjoyed it," so much for that confidence, he supposes.

"If you keep being so cute I might have to fuck you again," you tease but, he senses that you aren't fully joking around. Well, he has the whole day free and who is he to say no, really? He wouldn't want your other fans to be disappointed after all.

#song mingi smut #mingi smut #ateez smut

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aizenat · 2 months ago

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@aquad0ll respectfully, this is what is called building a narrative, and I’m really disappointed to see you fall for this.

James was 20/JUST TURNING 21 at the OLDEST at these incidents. At 20, it is not predatory or weird to date a 18/19 year old. In his video (I watched it at the time it came out, so idk why you sent me this article like I wasn’t following that situation), he said that he did not know they were minors when he started talking to them. And when he found out their ages, HE STOPPED TALKING TO THEM. What predator you know does that? Most predators I know/have heard of only back off if they either get the shit beat out of them, or the cops get involved.

I watched the videos of the one boy in particular when he was first making videos. He admits to lying about his age, and also admits that every time James pulled away (due to thinking he was uninterested), he’d purposely pulled James back. Minors are bad at making smart decisions, which is why we didn’t blame them for shit like this (like, sorry, teenagers lie all the goddamn time. I did, you did, we all fucking did. And if you (general you since i have to specify that so ppl don’t take shit personally) didn’t, you were probably a loser with no life who didn’t have a reason to lie lol). BUT James Charles was an emerging adult whose prefrontal cortex wasn’t fully developed either. If he was a regular kid, he would have been sexting from his family home bedroom (or college dorm at best) just like that 16 year old who was posting thirst trap pictures on Snapchat behind his parents back (because I was doing inappropriate shit on the family computer behind my family’s back at that age too like bruh).

I don’t understand how James, at 20 and obviously new to flirting and dating, ESPECIALLY AS A HYPER VISIBLE GAY CELEB, was supposed to know the kid was lying about his age. In the video, he says he didn’t think to make the kid show his id or something UNTIL the backlash. Which, yeah, I sure as hell wouldn’t think to do that either. And not for nothing, even as an adult, if someone asked me to do that to prove my age who wasn’t selling me alcohol or weed, I’d be like hell no! I ain’t showing my fucking id to someone online! The fuck! Like even asking that online sounds crazy ngl. He was a kid his own damn self with no real life experience hanging around kids his age who, due to their lack of fame and/or heterosexuality, wouldn’t have thought of it either! Like of course he didn’t think of it. He didn’t think he was doing anything wrong!

And as soon as he realized he did, he bailed! What more was he supposed to do? He said he wasn’t into older guys; he had to develop a daddy kink just to make sure the dudes he was fucking weren’t minors? He wasn’t allowed to look for young guys around his age that he could relate to? Like honestly, what was the expectation? Truly? What more could he do? He asked, the kid lied but he took him at his word, and then dropped the kid when he learned the truth. What more should he have done?

The hyper diligence is unfair and unrealistic. He’s not Leonardo DiCaprio looking at an 18 year old: he was in the age range where dating an 18 year old was not rare and he wanted to date kids his age. But he’s a groomer because the kids lied to him about their ages? He’s a predator for wanting to date kids around his age? What? College age kids date all the time despite meh age gaps. Before I realized I was a lesbian (actually don’t know how I didn’t realize it with him but lol), I was seeing and making out with a guy who was a 22 year old senior when I was 18. And that was after I stole him from another 18 year old girl I didn’t like (18 year old me didn’t give a fuck lol). And he went and dated another 22 year old senior after I dumped him! He wasn’t looking only for “young” girls to take advantage of! We were on a college campus and so it was common for us to all date each other despite the age gaps because we were “all adults.” And for the most part, we all had similar lifestyles.

Like if you can explain to me exactly how this isn’t “how dare a gay man talk to men, that’s grooming/predatory” 1970s anti gay/conversion therapy propaganda, I may listen. Yall act like he was 25 looking for hs boys to date and when he found out they were younger was like “score! Okay, lemme see how far I can take this.” No! He didn’t do that at all! So how is he a predator?

Like I’m not even being sassy or anything; please explain it to me? How thinking a boy was 2, MAYBE 3 years younger than him, was him praying on minors? Or is that the narrative spun around him thanks to a homophobic 40 year old YouTuber who couldn’t stand watching a then 18-20 year old James Charles speak openly about his sexual attraction to men? How is walking away when he realizes they’re minors means he was grooming them? Like what am I missing? Truly?

But, and this was what spurred my op: HOW DOES HIS NUDES GETTING LEAKED “CONFIRM” HE’S A “PREDATOR?”

Like if I’m truly missing something, sure tell me. But all I’ve ever seen is people just buying into the narrative being spread about him uncritically. And I’ve yet to see anyone make a solid case that James was/is anything but a hyper online gay kid who was struggling to find someone his age truly into him and not clout chasing/interested in him for his fame and money. He was at a level of wealth and success that most kids his age would never have, trying to date kids his age who wouldn’t have had college degrees yet let alone careers and their own place/independent lifestyle. Kid was lonely and then was vilified for trying to look for someone (after a lifetime of watching friends date but being unable to do himself; in that very video in the article, JAMES ADMITS TO BEING A VIRGIN!).

I just can’t see how this is anything other than a narrative being spun about him that James Charles took and ran with. Maybe I’m missing something, but I’ve yet to see the argument made against him that didn’t feel very Britney Spears-esque in the leaps of logic and expectations place on him.

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natsmagi · 7 months ago

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hello !! yet another different anon, but just wanted to share this while we’re on the topic of self-criticism - hopefully this doesn’t come off as patronizing, it’s just smth i’ve found helps me as an artist and hopefully it’ll help u :D

i think it’s rlly important to view old art more from the perspective of the feelings u had making it rather than the actual content of the art itself. sure, ur artistic skills have improved a lot over the years, and maybe when ur looking back at ur older work u see a lot of flaws in it - weird anatomy, bad lighting, articles of clothing that don’t make sense, etc (not saying ur old art has any of these i’m just listing examples i’ve had in my own lol) - but u had fun making it !! it’s a drawing of something u loved and still love, and it served its purpose as an outlet to express that love. when people go back and like those old drawings, they’re not seeing it for its flaws - they’re seeing it for the love it represents, a love they probably feel themselves. while it’s good to critique ur own work to some extent for the sake of improvement, people liking ur old stuff is far from cringe-worthy! it’s just someone enjoying something u once enjoyed too, like an internet happiness hand-me-down :)

again, this sort of mindset has rlly helped me personally - i don’t feel as nervous about drawing or posting, bc im just having fun !! it’s ok if it’s kind of janky or has weird details, it was made with love and people can see and appreciate that. nobody ever stops improving or seeing flaws in their work, so its best to focus more on the joy it gave u and push urself towards improvement with the promise of even more joy rather than forcing urself to improve under the threat of feeling ashamed of ur creations

hopefully all of this makes sense i kind of have the shakes rn lol. sorry for the super long ask, i just dont rlly know how to explain all of this in a short way-

hope u are having a fantastic day full of pretty girls !!!!

omg no worries at all!! your message read as very sweet so please dont stress urself out over how u came across!!

AND I DEFINITELY AGREE!! tbh its a mindset i tend to have, but i think where ive lacked is definitely in applying the "im just doing it for fun" logic to past me. i tend to be someone who very much lives in the present and have a bit of a disconnect both from the past and the future, and this can cause me to totally disregard everything about my past self and past work LOL. so honestly having all this put into words has kinda been an "OHH RIGHT" moment for me KASJHFJAHSDKJ

theres also the factor of my audience being bigger now........ im not really someone who likes having alot of eyes on me for various reasons, which sometimes causes me to waver a bit AKJSHFKJH THOUGH ITS NOT THAT BAD. i think most of my shyness comes from having artists i really admire now see my art and im like "FUCK IC ANT HAVE IT LOOK BAD WHAT IF THEY SEE" which can cause me to overthink things But also i tend to forget that those people even follow me 80% of the time. tbh all of my "insecurities" in regards to my art are purely circumstantial and only really present themselves if im in a flustered state, but a large portion of the time im just chilling KJAHSFJKHK

i do also wanna say tho that i think the viewing all art as coming from a place of love sentiment is very sweet........ esp bc in the beginning one of the compliments i got the most was along the lines of "your love for the characters really shines through!!" so to think that, in spite of potential quality, that love is still visibly present makes me very happy.......... Perhaps if u have genuine love for what u do itll shine through no matter what

#Big fan of that “art” thing. Hope we keep it up #ask

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mackmp3 · 1 year ago

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Dress could be interpreted to be about feeling the pressure to be a stereotypically girly girl and trying to navigate social situations where it's expected you have a boyfriend

sorry but this is not "Gender nonconforming behaviour" this is female behaviour. literally 100% of female children experience this, because this is a cornerstone of misogyny - enforcing male-invented social stereotypes of how a girl should behave (aka "femininity"). please read some feminist theory instead of saying basic female experiences are queer gender experiences! this is why we have a million white afab they/thems who think not liking pink and having a personality means they aren't really a girl and that the evil cis dykes are oppressing them by saying gender is a rightwing social construct that no one actually has.

warning for transphobia towards non binary people, please keep scrolling and don't read the ask if this will upset you

nice to know i found a terf! please kindly unfollow me now if you haven't already thanks :)

i'm pretty sure i say at least twice in that post that what PJ is singing about is totally normal experience for cishet girls, and that there are lots of cishet readings of her music that make sense, just that i personally find them interesting to view through a queer lens.

yes, i'm sure a lot of cishet girls also experience discomfort with having to wear a dress and find a boyfriend! i never said they didn't! but to an audience that is sapphic *and* is gender non conforming, the song is more likely to really resonate with them. which i say about two paragraphs down, if you'd have read the rest of the post -

'[...] but failing to do so because it's just not you. feeling uncomfortable in a dress, trying and failing to have normal interactions with guys - which of course cishet girls can feel as well, but hits particularly hard as a queer, gender non conforming, girl adjacent person'

i don't think i need to read feminist theory to post my *completely subjective media analysis* about pj harvey on the internet, these things are just theories after all! this is how *i personally* interpret some songs. in any case, whatever you have going on is clearly not as feminist as you might like to think, as feminism last time i checked was about trying to get equality and fairness for *all* genders, not annoying teenagers on tumblr for daring to think about gender on their own.

also 'the evil cis dykes are oppressing them by saying gender is a rightwing social construct that no one actually has.' i'm really sorry that you think that way but literally no one thinks this. i have never seen one single thing ever saying that someone thinks cis lesbians are oppressing them. they think terfs are harassing them. which now you are too! the world isn't seeing some major downfall in gender because there are now 'a million white afab they/thems', it's because on the last few years, some parts of the world at least have had a massive shift towards accepting non-binary people as a thing that exists, and more visibility, which had led to more people, especially young people, having more tools and language with which to understand their own gender. even just five years ago i probably wouldn't have been able to think of a non-binary character, now i could list you dozens. non-binary people were always there, there just weren't always conducive environments, or the words, for people to realise that that is what they were feeling. also by implication you're saying that liking pink and not having a personality are parts of being a girl? i don't think that what you meant to say but that *really* isn't feminist. in case it's not clear enough

NON BINARY PEOPLE ARE VALID YOUR GENDER OR LACK THEREOF IS REAL

TERFS GO AWAY

#i'm sure there are more coherent ways of saying this but #i didn't really want to write any more #like seriously do you really think annoying teenagers about their media analysis on the internet is going to make them less genderqueer?#i'm quite happy with the pj harvey and queerness post actually and i'm not letting a terf on anon ruin it #tw transphobia #tw enbyphobia #tw terf

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mizuta · 1 year ago

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far from it to be my style to post about hashtag mental health issues on main but like. look. ive& been psychotic as far back as i can tangibly remember (hallucinating at 10-11, cognitive symptoms and episodes by 13-14). its been a part of my life so long that like... in a lot of ways im used to it and coping with symptoms and my life grew around a lot of the symptoms. like a tree trunk growing around a foreign object as a sapling. something that pierces directly through the middle but doesnt really impact the trees ability to stay alive in any meaningful way.

so like in a lot of ways im used to being in my own head. my partner is good at recognizing that things that are distressing to me in episodes dont process whatsoever as distressing to me a good chunk of the time. when im acting visibly distressed it actually means my level of distress is at like, 200%. its fucking unmanageable. if im visibly distressed its worse than anyone could conceptualize because typically otherwise im just numb to a lot of it or its just default my reality that its not distressing in any meaningful way until after the fact.

but like im ngl just because ive spent all of my teenage years upwards trying to take up literally the least space possible to exist and never show 80% of my "unacceptable" symptoms to 99% of people does not mean it makes it any less uncomfortable or awkward to like. be the token psychotic in some groups. to have to be the buzzkill and shit thats like hey sorry heres my hyperspecific request of the year because im fucking insane.

its miserable in a fresh new way of like sorry to have to remind everyone that its not actually a funny character quirk or joke my brain literally does not exist in your 'reality' in any meaningful way and the further outside of it i am on a given day the more unpleasant youre going to find me to be around. ignoring the insane person talking aimlessly in public doesnt actually help me it usually just reinforces that youre not real and never will be if its a bad enough day.

its never intentional. like nobody is ever doing this on purpose. especially again because i spent so much of my life being very good at hiding it. but like... it sucks so much to be masking half the time and be a little too good at it so when you stop being able to people are always levels of uncomfortable or upset. it sucks when you cant articulate anything properly and nobody really knows how to understand what youre asking for. it sucks when you have multiple severe memory conditions and cant trust your own memory and everyone immediately questions your memory when you ask for anything or point anything out. like of course im just going to fucking fold.

i dont know where im going with this or if this itself is even that coherent i know it sounds super vague but it really isnt about anyone specific im just babbling about like years worth of garbage. i got so fucked over by fakeclaiming culture because unfortunately when i started really displaying symptoms i was a teenager trying not to kill himself and being fucking insane loudly in virtual public when that was apparently an "obvious sign of exaggerating" so i had to learn to shut the fuck up and now everybody loves to forget how much im fucking unwell because god forbid you think too hard about what youre saying around others.

thank god for my partner who is literally the first person in my entire life whos ever tried to understand and genuinely knows how to talk to me when im in a particularly bad delusion or hallucinating or whatever.

man. im tired. i found out this last month i probably need to get a cane when i move out and i still feel like im going to be appropriating shit because severe knee and upper leg paint and severe balance problems cant be that bad. i hate having memory problems so bad that i so easily can be told that i dont know shit and Y is actually what happened and i usually cant actually argue against it even if im so sure thats not true.

#miles organizer #;kaz #this actually isnt really that bitter im just. talking. miserably. about psychosis.#i think i should be allowed to just be fucking insane in public and everybody should just have to deal with it and stop being uncomfortable #(thats kind of a joke im just sad.)

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burninlovebutler · 2 years ago

Text

I posted 1,801 times in 2022

That's 1,801 more posts than 2021!

441 posts created (24%)

1,360 posts reblogged (76%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@karamelcoveredolicity

@troubleinapinksuit

@bisexualwvtson

@loving-elvis

@lindszeppelin

I tagged 1,395 of my posts in 2022

Only 23% of my posts had no tags

#austin butler - 397 posts

#elvis - 317 posts

#elvis presley - 217 posts

#austin butler elvis - 201 posts

#elvis movie - 179 posts

#elvis 2022 - 120 posts

#austin butler fanfic - 94 posts

#elvis baz luhrmann - 93 posts

#austin!elvis - 75 posts

#mel’s asks - 73 posts

Longest Tag: 106 characters

#as someone who’s in social media marketing it’s actually hilarious that tumblr is my favorite platform lol

My Top Posts in 2022:

happy veteran’s day mr. presley 🫡

See the full post

387 notes - Posted November 11, 2022

the hand thing

See the full post

571 notes - Posted November 8, 2022

the fact that austin has previously talked about how some of elvis’ mannerisms were inherently sexual makes me believe that this motion was no accident and that he was in fact ….. thinking about it sexually

(gif cred: my resident tormentor @karamelcoveredolicity )

611 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

Just an Intern

pairing: austin x fem!reader

warnings: ANGST, moody arrogant asshole!austin, dom!austin, slow burn ofc (lots of back&forth, sorry), teasing/tension, fingering, bondage, degradation (+ names), unprotected p in v, cream pie, short time skips, inaccurate depictions of a movie set lol, 18+, minors dni

word count: 9.9k😅

summary: you’ve somehow landed an apprentice position to a famous hollywood makeup artist on set of The Bikeriders - you arrive late to work one day to find your mentor is nowhere to be found, you’re left on your own. If it can’t get any worse, a new actor on set soon becomes your worst enemy

disclaimer: this my FIRST attempt at a reader fic (unlike my ongoing main fic Forever Winter which is 1st person) so be nice pls! IM V NERVOUS ABOUT POSTING THIS BC ITS SOMEHOW MORE NERVE RACKING THAN MY 23+ CHP LONG SERIES LOL IDK IDK BE NICE THNX

You winced when you hear the wheels of your 10 year old beat up Voltzwagon Bug screech over gravel. It was only your 3rd week on set as the head makeup artist’s apprentice. You’d really only gotten this (rather low) paying gig through a family member who works in the industry. That all being said, you were running about 20 minutes late since you had gotten lost yet again.

With a hasty grab of your plastic makeup kit, you ran to the trailers ready to apologize profusely to Carol who already seemed to hate you. Much to your surprise you sped into an empty trailer.

“Fuck,” You muttered and peak your head out attempting to spot any sign of your boss.

A man from prop team passed the door, he was about your age and you’d become cordial – not friendly, but cordial.

“Hey!” You projected your whisper to catch him. He tugged his headset visibly irritated and gave you an eyebrow that said, ‘get on with it’.

“Do you know where Carol is?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t seen her. I think someone say she’s sick, probably Covid or something.” He replied casually with a shrug.

“What! What am I supposed to do!” Still whisper yelling even though he was speaking at normal volume.

He shrugged, “Guess you’re on your own.”

“Fuck.” Pushing a stray hair from your now sweating forehead.

He gave a grin that normally came with a warning, “Good luck, we got one of the main guys on set today.”

“What? Who?” God as if this couldn’t get any worse.

“You’ll see, we’re mainly shooting him today. So, you’ll be out there, lots of fighting scenes.” And with that he paced quickly away to wherever he was rushing to in the first place.

“Oh god.” You flipped to be flush against the side of the opening as if it would hide you.

In the little time on set of ‘Bikeriders’, you’d already been able to identify who to avoid and who was safe. Between the actors and the crew there were such a mix of personalities. The actors were especially hard since you could never tell what was their character and what wasn’t.

You and Carol had spent most of the time with Tom Hardy, who looked scary but was actually a big teddy bear. He had even come up with some nicknames for you, mainly ‘puppy’ or ‘shadow’. Since you followed Carol around like a lost puppy and basically became her perpetual shadow. Both were a little odd, especially ‘puppy’, but whatever it was better than most other things you’d been called.

An abrupt knock at the metal door ripped you from your panicked thoughts, a lanky shaggy haired blonde bolstered through the trailer and plopped himself in front of the large lit mirror. He was already in costume, leather jacket, dirty jeans, boots. The whirlwind of the day had rendered you paralyzed against the wall which you had forgotten reflected directly into the mirror.

“Well, are ya gonna get started or what?” A deep raspy voice came from the man, not even turning to look at you, just at the reflection.

“Oh-Oh yeah, sorry.” Immediately peeling from the wall and fumbling to set up your small kit on the vanity.

Just the air of his presence told you that he would be one to avoid.

You began plucking through various bottles of fake blood and latex, before realizing just how unprepared you were to do this alone. The feeling of his eyes boring into you only made the anxiety worse.

“Do you know what scene we’re doing?” He asked condescendingly, obviously picking up on your nervousness.

With a giant bottle of thick red liquid in hand, you turned to him wide eyed, “I – um, well, I-“

“You gonna spit it out or what?” Snapping his fingers before you were even able to form a coherent sentence.

See the full post

613 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

my bf/friends: don’t come here with that elvis shit

me comin’ with that elvis shit:

757 notes - Posted October 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#🥺🥺🥺🥺#this is making me MUSHY I HATE IT #i don’t actually hate the people i love #there’s so much love here #i’m actually emotional #the fact that my fic was 2nd????? omg #i love u all so much #tumblr2022 #your tumblr year in review #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review

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yanderechuu · 3 years ago

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Omega, definitely omega (‘∀’●)♡

Do you have any idea how many people wrote (aged-up ofc) Izuku breeding fics it's almost it's own genre at this point.

Also, personally I can't read sub reader stuff. I know this blog isn't a dom reader blog but yeah, omega Izuku made me read one of the posts

¯\_(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)_/¯

[1.2K]

refer to this post for better understanding.

if breeding is a way for yandere aged-up characters to tie their darling down then it’s definitely scenting for the underaged characters.

│

Omega!Izuku’s omega genes become more apparent after receiving OFA, which therefore makes him appealing to a lot of alphas, but he doesn’t want any of them – he wants pretty little half-omega-half-alpha you.

I could very well picture him getting ideas with scenting you so others would get the hint that you were taken, the entire ordeal starting off when you had asked Izuku if he would be able to meet you in your dorm room for the continuation of your little study session with him. He had offered it in the first place, and you’d been struggling with Heroics, so you didn’t find a reason not to accept his invitation. In return, you’d review him with Foreign Languages - the subject he’d been having a hassle with.

He didn’t ask to postpone the study session when he realized his heat was nearing, didn’t take medication before going to your dorm, where you welcomed him with the casual smile he often found himself melting at. Upon entering, the lovely whiff of your scent hit him drastically. It was evident that you had tried your best to mask it because you knew you’d be inviting someone over, and allowing your scent to spread around while a visitor was present was kind of audacious. He didn’t mind it, though - in fact, he’d love if you didn’t hide it. Your room was comforting, finely ventilated, and safety-ensuring; he wouldn’t mind basking in your scent that lingered everywhere in the open space of your bedroom.

And then there was your bed - fresh sheets and carefully aligned pillows, not quite cozy in his opinion as an omega. It was so uncomfortably organized. That was why he decided to settle there and crumple the blanket instead of sitting with you on the ground by the quaint coffee table. He offered you his notes and you offered him yours, and at length, you both immersed yourselves in reviewing, occasionally asking each other the things you didn’t quite understand about the lesson. In a while of reading the notes you came to notice he was a bit antsy, and though he was trying his best to hide his discomfort, you figured it was best to voice it out before he’d explode into a flurry of anxiety.

“Something wrong?” You asked, seeing him visibly tense at your query.

“I am, uh,” He stammered, avoiding your gaze, “nearing my heat…”

“Oh.” Was all you could say. You wouldn’t shame him for it, as it was a natural occurrence, but with your being partly an alpha, this was kind of an awkward and risky circumstance. “Did- did you take your pills?”

“No, but it’s fine. I can handle it.”

You weren’t buying it. Now that you knew his cycle was nearing, he probably wanted to be in the relief of his own nest, so you took it upon yourself to decide for him. Perhaps he was just too shy to say it. “You can return to your dorm room, you know. I’m sorry for insisting having you to tutor me-“

“No!” He exclaimed, wide-eyed, startling you. “Don’t say that! I... I was really looking forward to tutoring you. I don’t mind at all, it’s just that we scheduled at the worst time. But don’t worry! I can really manage.”

You smiled bashfully at his admission; his heart missed a beat upon seeing you. “Get comfortable on my bed, then. I don’t mind you messing it up; think of it as gratitude for tutoring me even though you’re struggling.”

How could he refuse the offer? He got to lie on your bed, scent it all the while he was in heat, and you wouldn’t even complain since you were the one who offered to him in the first place.

That was how you ended up resuming your study session, with him all wrapped up in your blankets, rubbing his scent on your sheets deliberately. While you enjoyed his presence, he enjoyed taking huge whiffs of your scent, all the while marking your night territory like it was his own; like you both were bound to sleep together on it. No wonder your bed smelled like Izuku that night. Sure, it was entirely new to you, but it wasn’t like you hated it. Besides, who didn’t like the smell of pines and olives?

Well your class sure as hell did not like that smell on you.

They kept giving you glances the next day, discomfort evident in the way they looked at you. Izuku took an absence, as he failed to take his pills at his cycle of heat, that you knew. It wasn’t until Mina confronted you did you understand why they’d been looking at you like you had just committed a felony.

“Did you... did you really scent Midoriya?”

Oh, so that was why they were acting so strange and distant from you.

You weren’t about to blatantly confess that you let Izuku use your bed as a pseudo-nest. Laughing it off, you explained, “Oh, he just accidentally slept on my bed while we were studying together.”

“You let him sleep on your fucking bed?” Incredulously exclaimed Bakugo. “What the hell were you thinking?!”

“I-”

“Don’t you know how things could have escalated between you two?! For fuck’s sake, you’re no longer a beta!”

You fell into silence at that. It had been only a few weeks ever since you knew of your actual second gender. Believing you’d been a beta your whole life, you weren’t exactly taught the dos-and-don’ts of the alpha-omega dynamic. Being beta gave you a large advantage in your platonic relationships with others; you neither had to worry of touching them nor take note of schedules for heats or ruts. Didn’t have to avoid people or set boundaries for something nature had instated upon them.

“Things didn’t escalate between us.” You sternly explained. “I let him sleep on my bed because he was tutoring me and was tired. He never meant to get his scent all over me, and I never had the intention of taking advantage of him if that’s what you’re implying.” You looked at Bakugo with mild disgust. “I’m sorry for not knowing any better. I wasn’t exactly taught this stuff growing up.”

But Bakugo wasn’t mad at that. Not because you could have taken advantage of Izuku, but because he took advantage of you and your naivety. He must have done something to make you allow him to sleep in your bed, like gaslighting you, guilt tripping you with things just so he could scent you.

But who was to say they wouldn’t do the same?

Scenting you, that is. And with your lack of knowledge of being an alpha or omega, it was so much easier to make you let their actions slide, like Momo offering to take care of your blankets or Ochako accidentally mixing up both your garments during laundry day. Denki rubbing his cheek on your neck to scent you under the ruse of playful flirting or Kirishima inviting you to workout with him because his scent exuded more rampantly when sweating. Shoto or Bakugo getting extra touchy with you during sparring in hero training - warm hands brushing against your rear or icy fingertips keeping you pinned down by the neck.

And if you grew up with a lot of misconceptions caused by your classmates? That was alright; they didn’t have intentions on leaving you be, anyway.

#bnha abo #bnha x reader #abo #boku no hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia #yandere x reader #yandere class 1a #class 1a x reader #reader insert #x reader #yandere bnha #yandere #bnha omegaverse #omegaverse #abo dynamics #yanderechuu

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frogtanii · 3 years ago

Text

your palms were sweaty as you adjusted your slacks, making sure the pleats were where they should be with not a wrinkle in sight. you wanted to look professional and put together, at least on the outside, because you knew you were actually about .2 seconds away from falling apart.

a quick glance to the boys at your sides notified you that they weren’t faring much better. atsumu kept fidgeting with his cufflinks, sakusa was so stiff you could knock him over with your pinky, kenma looked like he was about to pass out, bokuto was debating on squeezing under the table in front of you, kuroo was tapping a pattern on his pants (akeelah and the bee style), and akaashi kept reciting ominous poems under his breath.

the only people in the room who looked even remotely fine were osamu, oikawa, sugawara, daichi, and, surprisingly, yachi. osamu was munching on some peanuts that he pulled from... somewhere, while oikawa and sugawara were holding their own conversation by the window. daichi seemed to be minding his own business but you could never really get a proper read on him anyway.

well, you supposed yachi was okay because she knew what to expect. i mean, you were meeting her boss.

after you and kenma had posted your “exposing the hype(r) house” youtube video, an email had come to the both of you, inviting you to visit the “big boss” along with the rest of the crew.

you weren’t necessarily afraid of losing your job; the hype(r) house was already being dissolved and you were (finally!!!) getting to move in with makki and mattsun until you found your own place. you were genuinely excited to put the drama and literal hell behind you and begin to live your life again but...

that didn’t mean meeting the Man™ wasn’t terrifying. it was like being called into the principal’s office, complete with the existential dread and occasional bouts of gassiness.

the door opening made you flinch as you quickly moved out of the way to let the newcomers enter. while they walked past you, you couldn’t contain the shock that overtook your face, your jaw practically on the floor.

the man was massive.

built like a brick wall, the man who you assumed to be the “big boss,” had a chiseled jaw, broad shoulders, and massive fucking pecs, his white button up barely closing around them.

beside him stood a tall, lanky man who was dressed suspiciously un-office-like with a red buzz cut and wild eyes that seemed to cut into you as he took his place at the table.

the final man seemed a bit awkward in comparison to the other two, but he was trying to seem unaffected, his purple bowlcut, despite being rather juvenile, fitting perfectly with his slim but toned build and bright complexion.

yachi hurried to greet them, giving all three a blinding smile before motioning for everyone else to take a seat. you ended up between the redhead and atsumu, the former being way too entertained by just your general being. his eyes rarely, if ever, left your face sending shivers down your spine. the remaining members all hesitantly took their seats and “big boss” began.

“it is an honor to meet you all. i am ushijima wakatoshi but you can call me ushijima or wakatoshi or ushiwaka or toshijima or just ushi or just jima or just waka or just toshi.” for a moment you thought he was joking but his face never moved, not even with the awkward silence that followed. redhead seemed rather amused by the whole display and bowl cut looked like he was on the verge of spontaneously combusting.

it took an uncomfortably long moment for ushijima to proceed but he did as though nothing had happened. “these are my associates, satori—” redhead gave you a mischievous grin “—and tsutomu.”

“goshiki,” bowl cut interrupted, his voice wavering but his eyes gleaming with righteous indignation as though he was challenging wakatoshi to say something in defiance. instead, ushijima just gave him a nod and he visibly deflated back into his seat.

“goshiki is the social media manager for imla and satori is... satori,” big boss continued, not a hint of emotion on his face. the rest of the table perked up at his comment but atsumu was the only one who apparently had the balls to say anything.

“so yer the one who wrote that shitty among us tweet?” goshiki flushed horribly and sunk further into his plush leather chair, his body language showing he must’ve already gotten an earful about it. “thought it was a good idea,” he muttered while averting his eyes, completely ignoring satori’s cackle from across the wood.

ushijima put up a (massive???) hand to calm the both of them and it instantly worked. satori quieted down though he never lost the mirth in his expression and goshiki straightened up, a new wave of determination crossing his features.

you sat up as well, feeling the shift of energy in the room but you were startled to realize the boss had decided to focus his energy on you, his deep baritone voice calling your full name. “i am extremely sorry. we have failed you as a management team and as men. i have failed you.”

he sounded remarkably remorseful, his brown irises conveying heavy emotion and guilt. you had no idea what to say but he wasn’t done.

“although i do not have full control of the decisions that have been made here, i should have fought harder for what i believed was right and for that, i will forever be sorry.” you shifted uncomfortably under his weighty gaze, not that he noticed because his attention was swiftly taken by kenma at the opposite end of the room.

“who is in charge then? aren’t you like the ceo or whatever?” he asked. ushijima took a moment before nodding very slowly, his attention clearly on something in his head.

thankfully, satori rapidly took over the thread of conversation before the room could fall in tense silence yet again. “there’s a board of old, stuffy guys who basically kicked miracle boy wakatoshi to the curb and make all their decisions without him.”

...miracle boy? what did he have to do to earn that kind of nickname? you shook your head and tuned back in, just as the ceo spoke up once again.

“because i have not succeeded in doing my job properly, i have something to give to you,” ushijima deadpanned, sliding a thick envelope towards you. you carefully grabbed it and opened it up to reveal a thick, thick, wad of cash.

a gasp caught in your throat, words not coming to you as you thumbed through the money. there had to be at least $60k in there, your eyes filling with tears while you took in his generosity. “thank you,” you whispered, not trusting your voice to speak any louder.

wakatoshi nodded at you before addressing the rest of the table about something but you weren’t even listening.

you were so overwhelmed. for the longest time, you’d hated whoever management was for ignoring your pleas for help and trying to placate you with nice dresses and fancy dinners so meeting ushijima was quite the welcomed surprise.

despite everything that occurred, you could tell he felt horrible for letting things slide even though it was technically out of his hands and you couldn’t even articulate how much that meant to you.

the fact that he had gone out of his way to pay you extra, assumingly without the permission of the board, was heartwarming, confusing, shocking, and staggering all at once.

i mean, you could probably describe the past few months as exactly that. so much had happened, so much had changed, and while you could do without some of the life adjustments (the nightmares, spare trauma, and fear of public bathrooms to start), you felt blessed with new friends and the experiences that helped shape you to the person you were now.

the boys didn’t hate you anymore (well, not all of them at least and none were actively antagonizing you), you were seeing dr yamada again, you were getting to move in with your two best friends, you were just given enough money to expand your channel drastically, and you were finally feeling good. better than good.

meiko was behind you and though you missed the person she once was, you were so glad she was out of your life in a way where she couldn’t harm you or the boys any longer.

a grin spread across your face, your cheeks nearly burning from the intensity of it. things were definitely looking up.

a soft call of your name jolted you from your thoughts, your eyes landing on all the boys already standing as they got ready to leave the room. you could sense their worry and you shot them a genuine, reassuring smile before standing yourself.

you waved goodbye to the three men at the table, thanking ushijima profusely for his kindness but he shook you off, insisting that he had just been doing what he should’ve done a long time ago.

what a nice guy.

as you followed the boys out of the building, you took a moment to observe them together with fondness written all over your expression. they were laughing and joking around, the happiest and most carefree you had ever seen any of them. bokuto was begging yachi to get them ice cream, the rest of them piling on until she gave in with a playful roll of her eyes, giggling at the cheer that went up from the group.

atsumu seemed to notice you lagging behind, falling back to join you. “ya okay angel?” he asked, eyes focused on your feet as he slowed down to match your pace.

you didn’t answer for a while, instead focusing on the sun warming your cheeks, the cool breeze messing up your hair, and the sounds of pure joy swirling above you.

“i’m absolutely perfect.” you replied and you actually meant it. “race you to the van?” you sent him an impish grin before taking off, his yells of indignation making you laugh freely as the rest of the boys joined in, right on your heels.

this is it, you thought. no matter what, i’ll have this moment and i’ll be okay.

you’d been through hell and back and you’d survived. you’d been cursed at, choked out, hospitalized, and been beaten at mario kart more times than you could count and you had still made it through. you were resilient and strong and you’d never given up, despite how badly you’d wanted to, multiple times over.

things weren’t perfect, they rarely are, but you knew that if you could make it through all that, you could get through practically anything, especially with the boys by your side.

yeah. i’ll be just fine.

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

bonus!!

“told you it sounded stupid as hell.”

“gah, stop talking about it!!”

“you sounded sooooo old ‘shiki, what are you, 92?”

“AAAAAAAAAA!!!”

“satori...”

“what’s up miracle boy?”

“...what is ‘sus’?”

℗ poker face

i’ll be just fine

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - AND THATS A WRAP FOLKS 🥳 wowowow did the ending give me trouble but that’s ok SISJSK the endings will be coming shortly but they might not be daily just cs they may take more time, who knows lmfao i’ll let y’all know :3 AAAA ANYWAYS ILY I HOPE U GUYS LIKED KITH KITH don’t forget to feed me <3

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saiKishaircLip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp • @keiarma • @shrimpypenis

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

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thebreakfastgenie · 2 years ago

Note

I have a lot of complicated feelings about this so if you find this ask uncomfortable please feel free to not answer. In a nutshell I had a very close friend in my 20's. The kind of friend people tell you adults don't have anymore. Acquaintances knew us as "__ & ___". And unfortunately while still in his 20s he was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer that took his life within a few months. This was very difficult to me to say the least and I truly believe I will never find another person who will understand me or connect with me that day, romantic, sexual or platonic. So I feel like when people are like "let people have platonic soulmates" this is the kind of relationship they want to see. I've experienced one myself. Some don't. Some have those relationships that last a lifetime. I never got that chance. ... but all of that being said, I still always get confused when people are like "why can't people just be friends! why can't it be just friendship for once!". Because even though I've had the kind of relationship people are talking about when they say that, I don't personally see any shortage in media of men having these kind of intense powerful friendships? There are whole genres built on it. The buddy film. Found family. I don't really see what people mean when they say that two men can't be shipped because it's somehow off-limits because we need to preserve this rare depiction of friendship, because that depiction in media to me has always seemed much more common and valued than people keep telling me it happens in real life. I feel like I shouldn't need to say this but just for clarification I also don't ship BeejHawk (or really anyone from MASH) so I have no skin in this race from that perspective. But I've heard people use that same argument a lot for different friendship/common ship pairs and it just always falls flat to me on those grounds. What am I missing here??

Hi, anon!

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. As you may know from following me, especially if you've seen my pinned post, I had a similar experience as a child. I am fortunate enough to have another platonic soulmate in my current best friend.

I can't speak for anyone else on the "why can't they just be friends" thing, but this is the way I see it. This is probably incomplete because I used up most of my focus for the day on my job, but these are some thoughts, and I may add to them later.

There isn't a shortage of platonic relationships in media. There is a shortage of platonic relationships in fandom. Contrary to the current popular trends, fandom is not only about romantic shipping, and as someone who is interested in multiple kinds of relationships, the constant focus on shipping gets old. If you want gen content, you basically have to make it yourself. I am also not personally ever saying any ship should be off-limits for that reason. But in fandom spaces, especially when a ship is popular, there is a pressure to ship it that isn't always visible unless you're one of the people who doesn't. A lot of it is passive pressure; when ship content completely dominates a fandom space, it sucks if you don't ship it. It sucks even more if you're very interested in the dynamic between those characters, but don't see it as romantic, because there just isn't anywhere to go. It's especially frustrating when the canonical relationship is platonic, but any analysis of that is expected to fit a romantic narrative that was invented by fans.

Because that's the thing... it's expected. This ties into a larger issue, which is that spaces like tumblr conflate fandom, activism, and identity. It's seen as cooler and more progressive to ship the popular gay ships. It's also seen as inherently tied to your identity. People say "gay fans" when they mean "fans of this gay ship" and if you're a gay fan who doesn't like that ship, that honestly feels pretty fucking bad. There can also be a pretty condescending attitude that's basically like... if you don't ship this, you just don't get it. This is especially frustrating with a non-canon ship because like... no, I understand the source material just fine, I just don't subscribe to this particular popular extra-textual interpretation. There's also a certain attitude to the shipping where every interaction is treated as evidence of the ship. This runs the gamut from acts that clearly indicate love of some kind to literally standing next to each other. The "if not then why" principle gets really tiresome when there is an obvious (and canon) platonic explanation.

This is personal to me, but when I look at two characters doing things I do with my best friends, and then the fandom says "wow look how they're in love, you'd have to be insane or stupid to think they're not" I don't really like it. I know it's not that deep. But it does kind of eat away at the way I'm relating my experiences to what I see. And I'm a little sensitive about people insisting relationships must be romantic that aren't, which is very related to my experiences growing up gay. I would get both "oh, you like him!" and refusal to believe my denials about boys I was honestly just friends with and people I barely knew asking if I was dating my friends. When one of my best friends came out as bisexual in college, people we went to high school with began saying we had been a couple. We never were. As a gay person, it's important to me that people understand that I can still be best friends, even affectionate best friends or platonic soulmates, with women without being in love with them romantically. Maybe that's because I grew up in the "okay just don't hit on me" era of homophobia, I don't know. And I do try to keep some perspective about these things because again, I know it's fandom and not that deep. But when it's unending "the only possible explanation for this is romantic love" it does make me start to wonder... is that how they see people in real life, too?

The way fandom boxes every intense relationship between two men into a sexual/romantic label honestly feels reductionist to me. There is a whole spectrum of human experiences I want to explore through this piece of media and this relationship. It's also just... gotten to a point in fandom spaces (and this is not specific to one fandom) where the word "gay" appears before everything. "Gay little show" "gay people when" and it's not even relevant! The gay shipping overshadows literally everything else and some of us are just not into it, but still interested in fandom. So "why can't people just be friends" to me is not just about how relationships are interpreted, but also about just wanting to talk about something else besides the ship for once. This is also a problem with het ships, including canon ones, but the difference, in my experience, is a superiority associated with gay ships. Wanting two fictional men to kiss isn't doing anything--positive or negative--for the LGBT community.

I do also call into question a little bit the idea that media is full of well-developed, close platonic relationships between men. Particularly when you're talking about M*A*S*H, which aired from 1972 to 1983. During his interview with Mike Farrell on MASHCast, Rob told Mike how important it was to him as a teenage boy to see two men who were friends be open about their affection for each other. Maybe now in 2022 we see more of that--though my opinion is a lot of the buddy genre is very surface level--but that wasn't so commonplace when the show was on and I think that historical significance is worth acknowledging.

It's also just... gotten to a point in fandom spaces (and this is not specific to one fandom) where the word "gay" appears before everything. "Gay little show" "gay people when" and it's not even relevant! The gay shipping overshadows literally everything else and some of us are just not into it, but still interested in fandom. So "why can't people just be friends" to me is not just about how relationships are interpreted, but also about just wanting to talk about something else besides the ship for once. This is also a problem with het ships, including canon ones, but the difference is, in my experience, there's a superiority associated with gay ships. Wanting two fictional men to kiss isn't doing anything--positive or negative--for the LGBT community.

#sorry if this makes no sense the adhd is Coming On

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littlefreya · 4 years ago

Note

Henry's reaction to finding out GF's house is haunted.

Summary: Henry’s friend invites him over to watch a horror film on Halloween, problem is he is madly in love with her.

Pairings: Henry Cavill x Unamed OFC (3rd person, no description)

Warnings: RPF, fluff, romantic goo, friends to lovers or rather idiots to lovers, brief mentions of alcohol and Henry’s green hoodie p0rn.

Words: 1.6K

A/N: So I had to take it to the “friends to lovers” lane, also I will need all the fluff after what I am about to post tomorrow :|! Divider by @firefly-graphics. Beta’d by my beautiful @agniavateira . Also FYI my house is totally haunted.

Please comment and reblog if you enjoyed.

Haunted Houses

All Hallow's Eve was Henry’s favourite time of the year. The spicy autumn air was thickly shrouded by magic. Spooky tales and plastic spiders inhabited drapes of thin cotton tendrils and fat pumpkins carved with scary faces would sit on his doorstep to welcome him home or bid him farewell on his way out.

Per tradition, he would rally close friends at midnight for a horror flick and pineapple-anchovy pizza; often a bottle of rum would be added to the party. However, this Halloween fell on a bittersweet period, as his friends grew too old for said spooky gatherings. Starting new families of their own, they had no time to indulge him.

All save for her, who just like him was still somehow single.

How bad would it be to spend the evening just the two of them... alone? Ignoring the fact that it was enough to see her name flicker on the screen of his phone for pure warmth to enkindle in his chest. He thought about her often before he fell asleep and when he woke up; and by often, he meant every single day since he met her.

Though she didn’t think much of him as anything other than a friend she loved to banter with - he presumed. And of course she loved Kal, possibly more than she cared for him. Yet, Henry did what he did best: bury his emotions into a little pit he dug in the graveyard of his mind.

"Heh!” Henry croaked as the door opened. His sapphires ensnared the veils of black that cloaked her, preserving the sight of silk laces tied tightly at her torso in what seemed like a gothic medieval gown.

“I see you took off your costume for the evening."

She narrowed her eyes but only to observe his attire carefully: that same green hoodie and a pair of worn jeans that complimented his… asset.

She wanted to etch her fingers around the thick fabric and have a whiff of this hoodie, or perhaps just steal it and wear it forever and a day.

"First of all, it is called The Witching Hour so I must dress properly. Secondly - where is your costume, Cavill?" she crossed her arms together, looking rather displeased.

“I’m dressed as a homicidal maniac, we look like everybody else does.”

Snorting, she tilted her head, unimpressed. “You totally just stole this joke from Wednesday Addams.”

Henry shrugged and pressed his lips to a thin line. One of his foolish expressive gestures. It made her feel less nervous to which she was thankful. When she suggested they’d hang out despite them being the only two, she didn’t think much of the consequences of being all alone with the man who inhabited her mind and never paid rent. Everything about Henry made her feverish, but it was always easy when others accompanied them. The awkward anxiety of having to entertain him wasn’t her job, not up till now…

Oh, god! What if they had nothing to talk about? What if their playful chemistry was always influenced by the presence of other people?

Beads of sweat began to form below her breasts when Henry shoved a bottle of rum into her hand and then leaned in to steal a casual kiss from her cheek. She smiled with a friendly huff in return, stifling the shiver that coursed through her muscles while he welcomed himself into her home.

Striding forward, he peered at the Halloween decorations she hung across the walls and inhaled deeply - the scent of maple and buttery chestnuts filled the cosy little house, a scent that he could easily get intoxicated with.

It was what she smelled like and here he was, drowning in its excess.

After a quick observation, he turned to look at her, holding his hands clasped behind his back. She smiled awkwardly in return and then averted her gaze, becoming fascinated by the bottle he brought.

‘There it is,’ Henry mused, ‘that embarrassing silence, there is so much to tell her, but she probably… no! She definitely finds me boring.’

This Halloween celebration would probably be the last and it was all sorts of disastrous.

Trying to overcome the silence, he cleared his throat and reached a hand to scratch his curly mane. “So what movie are we watching?”

“Movie?” she asked confused and then quickly corrected, “Oh yes, umm... The Exorcist.”

“Good, love me some green vomit.” his eyes followed carefully as she waltzed into the small open kitchen, placing the rum on the counter and then returning with a large bowl that made his nostrils flare.

“Green vomit goes extremely well with caramelised popcorn,” she suggested and popped a golden flake of popcorn into her mouth.

“Sweet-salty popcorn? I love you!” Henry groaned and snatched the bowl right away. It was only when his mouth was stuffed that he realised what words he just used.

But she didn’t seem to react, thankfully. Instead, she brushed a hand over her many skirts and pointed toward the living room.

Hugging the bowl, Henry strode behind her, entering the dimly lit living room. The traditional pizza was already laid on the wooden coffee table, along with a few bottles of Guinness.

Her couch was small, only fit for a couple. And Henry, being a hulking man, took most of the space. Their thighs immediately ground into one another’s, yet they both pretended as if they hadn't noticed the hot tingle running beneath the layers of clothing.

“I have to warn you about something,” she uttered, hoping that the tremor she suddenly felt in her body was not visible to him.

Henry crooked his eyebrow, looking at the ominous glare she offered.

“My house is totally haunted.”

Not waiting for his answer, she grabbed the remote and pressed play. Henry chuckled at her silly joke, waiting for her to break character but she only peered at the screen.

“Nice try, I am not scared of that stuff.” He shifted in his seat slightly, lifting his lengthy arm and spreading it on the headrest right behind her. Immediately, he regretted this semi-possessive masculine gesture, but it was too late to pull it away.

Her instincts screamed to snuggle into him yet she held back. “Don’t believe me, but I am not making this up,” she insisted, “Every night around 3 am, I hear scratching from within the walls and these thuds from the ceiling, and then one night… I woke up the door creaking.”

Henry glanced at her quietly for a long moment, watching the reflection from the screen gyrating over her glossy irises and then snorted. He leaned toward the coffee table and grabbed two beers, uncorking them with the help of his pinky ring and then offering her one of the bottles.

“I think you have rats.”

“Rats who make heavy thuds and open bedroom doors?”

“Yup, a big fat randy rat.” he teased. “We’ll take a look at your bedroom later, but I promise you, there are no such things as ghosts.”

‘We’ll take a look in your bedroom? Great…’ He berated himself. At this point, he just wanted to sigh and shake his head.

She peered at him oddly, her throat clenching a tad before she turned her head back to the movie with a mumble, “It’s not a ghost, it’s a demon.”

Within a few minutes they grew quiet, deciding to focus on the movie with the occasional dry jokes and bad puns from Henry as an attempt to overcome his anxiety. Outside the window, thunder rumbled in the distance and shy raindrops lightly kissed the glass, tinted with the many vague shades of lights coming from the street.

Now and then, Henry shifted in his seat, his meaty thigh further grinding into her leg which stirred her blood to the point of electric spasms. She lightly pushed against him, pretending it’s by accident when truthfully, she wanted to exploit every second of being in his proximity. Had she any guts, she would turn to kiss him, but the thought alone made her heart clench in fear.

She threw him a glance, and their eyes met. Henry offered a kind grin, avoiding staring at her lips. She smiled back coyly, her heartbeat accelerating with anticipation when the possessed girl in the movie made a horrifying groan that ruined the moment.

And then the room suddenly was swallowed in darkness, followed by a strong clap of thunder that tore open the sky.

In the scant moment of chaos, he heard a scream and then the light came back as if nothing happened, aside from the fact that she was now in his arms, with her legs straddling his waist, and her fingers clutching the collar of his hoodie.

Henry was unsure how and when his hand found itself latched to the small of her back, only that he didn’t want to let go. They exchanged bemused glances and swallowed the dryness parching their throats.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered hoarsely, “I got scared…”

Embarrassed to the point of tears, she attempted to climb off, wanting nothing more than to run to the bathroom and cry in hiding, when Henry sent a hand to stroke her temple and gently brushed his fingers behind her ear.

“Stay,” he insisted, squeezing into her lower back as if to prevent her from escaping.

Her lips parted slowly, the same golden hue that suffused the living room split into her eyes, beaming even brighter as he continued to caress her face before bringing her closer to graze her lips with his.

Halloween was, without a doubt, his favourite.

Tagging: @the-soot-sprite @henrythickcavill because they asked to be tagged in these. <3

#henry cavill #henry cavill rpf #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill x ofc

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babesonly · 4 years ago

Text

fic recs 2.0!

hello kings (gn) ive got significantly more fic than last time which means this is gonna be a little more organized than the last post bc it is much longer <3 categories in order are non casefic canonverse, casefic/roadtrip fic, finale fixits, endverse, non supernatural aus, and then non destiel ones. titles will be in bold for my favs! also within each category they’re in order from shortest to longest

Canonverse

I’m a tulip in a cup by godtiering (1.2k)

I worry that I never really came back from hell. I wonder why, if I got remade by heaven, I’m still the same screwed up kid that I always was.

Sometimes I worry I’m not into women at all.

"Guess not,” he looks at his shoes.

a REALLY good fic that’s basically just a look inside dean’s head during my bloody valentine do not read this looking for a fun time but please do read it

on vessels by flightsofangels (1.9k)

“You know,” Cas mutters into Dean’s bare skin. “When I was still… an angel, I used to dream that I would take you as my vessel.”

hello consumehimnatural fans!!!!! read newt’s fic right now its incredible

dean winchester is not a nicholas sparks protagonist by microcomets (1.9k)

Dean fell in love with Cas the way you fall asleep--slowly, and then all at once. Or some other hackneyed and trite bullshit. God, this is embarrassing.

dean is in LOVE. he’s also a disaster who keeps staring at cas’ hands. sigh

Stay by aeli_kindara (2.5k)

Coda to 13.06 (Tombstone). In which Castiel reckons with the aftermath of Dean's grief.

hello fellow widow arc fans <3 click here to see cas find out abt the events of advanced thanatology !

walking on a string by swordfishtrombones (2.7k)

Between the doomed offensive at the Firmament and the impending retreat from the ravaged northeast border, Castiel left camp long enough to answer one of Dean Winchester's prayers.

S6 DEAN IS A WAR WIFE. been really into early seasons deancas lately and this one is very good. god

the flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k)

Ezekiel 39:17 "you shall eat the flesh of the mighty and drink the blood of the princes of the earth."

MY GOD. anyone who saw the @autisticandroids purgatory cannibalism talk and was interested read this right now. also anyone who enjoyed nbc hannibal OR raw (2016). if romantic cannibalism is remotely aligned with your interests read this right now. god

Sam Winchester, Ally At Law by alittleduck (3.3k)

Sam was pretty sure he could read every single gay friendly guide to coming out or supporting queer family members ever written and literally none of them would even imply that arguing with gay people that they were actually just homophobic constituted as "ally behavior". However, Sam was equally sure that none of those book authors had found themselves accidentally watching their brother get pounded by an Angel of the Lord at 9 am on Tuesday, so Sam was pretty sure he might actually still have the higher ground. Now, if only Jack would stop trying to bond with Dean using gay slurs long enough for Sam to convince everyone of that, he might just be able to cobble together some remnant of sanity or, failing that, dignity.

Or, the one where Sam desperately wants to invent PFLAG but Dean won't stop teaching Jack gay slurs

JACK VOICE HEY COCKSUCKERS.

hummed low by microcomets (3.3k)

Dean pulls the Impala over at a cider barn about thirty miles out; doesn't really think about it, just sees the hokey orange lettering off the roadside and lets his hands guide the Impala off the interstate with gravel spitting under the wheels.

they get a nice day out together and dean has a gay crisis and it’s written beautifully mwah

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi (3.9k)

In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.

sometimes i think about this fic and it hits that at this point dean and cas would have been married for more than a year. cas my beloved...

an exploration of gender; angelic by sometimeswelose (4k)

Castiel's true form is made of electromagnetic radiation. He has spent the majority of his life, if you really want to add it all up and average the whole thing out, as a wavelength of celestial intent.

The thing about being made of light: it's light in the physics sense of the word. Castiel's waves are gamma, x-ray, micro, and radio. He's visible light too, of course, a visible light so intense that it is blinding to most humans.

hello trans cas community <3 he’s literally trans he was assigned genderless and then went hm actually i will be a man! love of my life

Some Boys are Sleeping Alone by prosopopeya (4.2k)

This isn't something that's okay, not for him, but it chases him through the years until it turns into something he can't -- doesn't want to deny.

ohhh deans tenuous relationship with his sexuality my beloved...

love. worship. consummation. consumption. by redeyedwrath (4.3k)

ConsumehimNatural (copyright marcusantonius) the Series!

These are all snapshots centered around the idea of you know. Hunger in Supernatural. Both carnal hunger and other kinds. Fics are shown in semi-chronological order but this series is generally nebulously early seasons.

for ANYONE who is a consumehimnaturual this is required reading it is INCREDIBLE and gorgeous and very visceral and i am so very obsessed with it. thank you redeyedwrath for enabling my brainrot

the reach of human sense by perilously (4.5k)

“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”

“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.

And it used to belong to someone else.

this one is just very nice <3 cas gets uncomfortable w dean calling him attractive since dean has never seen his trueform and they work it out

Down in the River by Ias (4.7k)

Alone in Purgatory and hunted by Leviathans, Castiel finds himself praying to the one person who can't hear him.

cas i love you <3 cas alone in purgatory praying to dean bc dean is the only thing he still worships i love you so much

Creature of Habit by trinityofone (5.1k)

The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well.

written in s5 when cas was depowered and completely nails the later seasons bitchy husbands dynamic it’s very good and fun <3

sink by crackers4jenn (5.4k)

"Where to?" A 9.06 coda.

very bittersweet very well written and also canon compliant so do not go into this one looking for a happy ending but i DO recommend it it’s very good

Sensational by castiowl (6.1k)

“When I first came to earth, it was advised that we temper the senses bound to our vessels. They were a distraction, we were told. An antiquated form of experiencing existence that would hinder our ability to complete our missions, whatever that may be. My true form can better facilitate these experiences. What you would recognize as heightened senses of sight and sound, among other things.”

Or, how Dean helps Cas experience all five human senses for the first time in one night.

early seasons deancas man. i love the sound part i love dean being so worried about doing a good job with this. god. read this please

Something to Protect by Sass_Master (6.2k)

Dean’s violent reaction to being unexpectedly woken has become something of a running joke among them, but Castiel can’t help but look past it to the underlying cause. It makes him ache to think that Dean feels so unsafe, so persecuted, before he’s even fully conscious.

Secretly, Castiel has been determined to work on that, to ease Dean into awareness in a less jarring way, smooth away one of the many stresses that follow him even in sleep. Now’s as good a time as any to try.

oh to sleep more soundly in the presence of someone you love...this fic is very nice i enjoyed it a lot

all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers (7k)

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”

Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.

“I mean it,” Dean insisted.

“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”

hello trans dean community here is 7k of trans dean having to deal with his internalized homophobia now that he’s sleeping with cas <3 it is SO good

The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k)

He takes a shower and the pressure is not especially good, but it doesn’t matter. It’s warm and he stands under the spray a long time. Human skin, he knows, constantly renews itself, shedding the dead cells of the epidermis. He wonders how long it will take until he is an entirely new person, until every cell on his surface is a new one. He looks at his hands under the water. It might take less than a month.

this might be the only post 9x03 fic on here with a happy ending actually? plenty of good melancholy leading up to it though <3 canon divergent after 9x03 though which means no 9x06 fanfiction gap but it is absolutely worth reading

till the juice runs by deathbanjo (8.4k)

Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.

hello this one is SO funny dean finally gets comfortable enough with his bisexuality to start having sex with men and it goes so very bad every time so sorry about your shitty choices beloved </3

First Date by aeli_kindara (8.9k)

“We should go on a date. You and me.”

Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.

“I’m asking you out, Cas.”

this one is very sweet i liked it a lot <3 good refreshing little fic where they just get to have a nice evening together

Entertaining Strangers by cadignan (9k)

Dean settles on to his side, lying in the bed facing Castiel. “So you had sex without me and you bit all my moves. I think I deserve to hear about it, at least. What was her name?”

op im in love with you. premise is established relationship deancas and cas mentions he did have sex before dean and not only that it was a threesome. good for him <3 this fic is cas describing the story of what led up to the threesome and what happened during it while dean interrupts regularly. incredible

the shape you take by noviembre (10k)

“What?” Dean says, fake-offended. “I’d be hot as a girl, you know I would.”

And this is when he really, really should have stopped talking. When he shouldn't have whipped back around and asked, “Cas, if I was a woman, you’d fuck me, right?”

Because if he hadn’t said that, then he wouldn’t have had to deal with this:

Cas, meeting his eyes, forehead wrinkles all smoothed out like there’s nothing to be confused about anymore. Cas with something at the corner of his mouth that might barely be called a smile.

Cas saying, calmly and without hesitation, “Yes, Dean.”

Dean Winchester fucks around and, with the inadvertent help of some witches, Finds Out.

dean winchester your gender is diabolical. this fic is insane and its the only thing that matters actually. dean fully convinced its normal and straight to think about being a woman so you can fuck your male friend. incredible. op im proposing to you

Sinnerman by a_good_soldier (10k)

Dean listens to Nina Simone, reads Anne Carson, and makes out with a dude (sort of).

yall want to read about dean realizing he’s in love with a man as a direct result of learning to better respect women right?

you’re fooling yourself by cowboydeanwinchester (13k)

Dean Winchester and Castiel retire from hunting to raise baby Jack. Dean struggles to allow himself the things he truly wants.

Jack is two, Castiel and Dean are idiots, and Sam's gotta solve everyone's problems.

love a married couple who doesn’t know they’re married <3 everyone say thank you sam for bullying dean

The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock (15k)

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

a classic for good fucking reason. we’ve all talked about dean thinking holding hands is too gay after having just had gay sex but my personal favorite was sam accusing dean of cheating on cas because dean bought condoms. incredible

No Kingdom To Come by domesticadventures (16k)

“We should fuck,” Dean says.

Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.

There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.

Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”

literally the only quarantine fic i’ve ever bothered to read in any fandom and completely worth it it’s SO good. they become fwb and dean has an existential crisis and he keeps bringing up meaninglessness and death during sex

Bodies by Speary (18k)

It was a secret they never acknowledged even with each other. It would change everything, end everything if either of them ever dropped the act. So they became very good at acting, at keeping up the lie that gave them what they wanted. Even if that lie involved constantly seeking out temporary, consenting female vessels, Cas would do it. He told himself it was worth it for Dean. He just hoped that he could stop wanting more, or maybe one day Dean might stop pretending that he wasn't really sleeping with Cas every time.

i don’t even have anything to add tbh if that summary did not immediately make you click we are very different this fic is incredible. god. fellas do you ever make yourself a woman so you can fuck the man you love without him having to talk about it or confront his sexuality

it’s such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe (20k)

So the man crouching in front of Castiel is named Dean. He wonders if that’s supposed to mean something to him.

“Cas must’ve got hit with something earlier. He just dropped like a sack of fucking potatoes a minute ago. By the time I was checking on him, he had already woken up again, but now he doesn’t fucking know who we are.”

“I’m right here you know,” Castiel says testily.

Sam’s eyes are wide even as his eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks between Dean and Castiel again.

“What do you remember, Cas?”

“Firstly, that I’m not Cas. I don’t know who Cas is, but it’s not me. I don’t know who either of you are, either."

or the one where castiel is hit with a memory curse that makes him forget the winchester brothers and is stunned to find out he has a family... also why can't he stop thinking about dean?

BEST amnesia fic oh my god. cas my beloved you deserve the world. everyone read this that is not a request.

More Than Ever by Sass_Master (20k)

Dean’s getting some pancakes together for breakfast when Cas saunters in after a run.

He’s trying to focus on whisking batter, unfairly distracted by Cas a few feet away, breathing heavily and shining with perspiration. Dean’s been painfully aware for a long time that Cas is pretty easy on the eyes, but he’s used to seeing Cas buttoned-up and unflappable, looking straight-laced in a stiff oxford and an unflattering trenchcoat.

Now Cas is sweating, Dean’s borrowed t-shirt clinging to his skin, flushed from exertion and Dean really can’t deal with that in his kitchen right now.

this entire series is really good i enjoyed it a lot, i’m just putting this one specifically on the list bc the rest of the series is very explicit and this is really good as a standalone for anyone who wouldn’t be into the rest of the series!!

Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous (20k)

"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."

Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.

Dean was done with this shit.

***

Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.

it is at this point i realize that there are more fics than i expected there to be on this list that involves a threesome with only two people/using the presence of a female body to act like what’s happening is heterosexual. deangirlism is a disease

I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k)

His grace is burning out, and the wasteland it leaves inside him becomes an echo chamber for all the memories, all the fear and doubt and self-loathing he's collected over the years. Things said and done hound him on endless repeat until he's convinced they’ll break through his skin and fill the silence of the bunker.

His head is killing him, and he sits hunched over an open book, not really reading, just digging his fingers into his skull and praying nothing slips through the cracks.

this one is GORGEOUS i love it so so much. dean and cas are both struggling so much to get by and they’re trying to support each other but fucking it up and they have to grow together and learn to cope with the fact that this is where their lives are and they fall in love i need everyone to read this

To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess (24k)

Title: Just One of Those Things Author: Impala67 Series: TOS Rating: M Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.

In which Dean is not Gene Roddenberry, but he does write Star Trek fanfiction.

mx winchester writing star trek fanfiction to process his own trauma <3 this is a wip but it’s SO good and i also have not consumed a single piece of star trek media so it IS definitely readable to anyone who isn’t a star trek fan. please read this

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo (30k)

“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”

this is on here just for the 1.5 people who were putting off this one like i did for no reason. it’s extremely good and it is just gentle. i enjoyed it a lot

Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord (42k)

After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.

Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.

yall ever wonder what it would’ve been like if the sam and dean arrest storyline in s12 was interesting? yeah <3

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara (52k)

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.

(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

cas learning about humanity through poetry before dean and thats what led to him developing enough emotion to be lobotomized....cas i love you so much

Emergence by ellispark (58k)

Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there.

A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.

another cool amnesia fic!! for unknown reasons everyone forgot cas three years ago but cas didn’t forget anything. cas deserves so much love and support. god

a turn of the earth by microcomets (95k)

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

cas getting to meet and fall in love with pre hell dean just as much as he loves the dean he already knows oh my GOD. i love this fic so much. turn of the earth my beloved

Crossing Lines by sometimeswelose (122k)

Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds

An ethics lesson from Hell

The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.

deans intense self hatred vs cas’ unwavering love for every version of dean oh my GOD also this is a wip fair warning but it’s so worth waiting for updates i’m having such a great time with this one i cannot wait to see how it gets ended

Plot Holes by saltyfeathers (160k)

Of course it wasn’t over after the apocalypse.

There was season six. Then there was season seven. Against all expectations, there was season eight. There were the alphas and purgatory, and then the Leviathans, and then the angels fell. Enter season nine. Loose threads Metatron, Abaddon, and Crowley have to be tied up. Sam, Dean, and Cas have to try to tie them while at the same time dealing with their evolving relationships and newfound graceless states.

Amidst all the chaos, someone has started publishing the Supernatural novels again. Convinced there’s something amiss in the pages, Charlie starts her own quest to suss out the truth behind the Winchester Gospels.

With the help of various faces, old and new, they must now not only deal with the typical runs of demons and recently fallen angels, but also reconcile the battles raging inside themselves, as the fate of the world, once again, quite literally lays in the palm of their hands.

saltyfeathers said i WILL make the plot holes in this show mean something because the showrunners are sure as shit never gonna adress them ! and i thank them for it bc this was a really cool read

Casefic/Roadtrip Fic

Deprived Of Every Planet by KelpietheThundergod (9k)

Dean's breathing is audible in the scant space between them, irregular. The motel room is dark, pale blue shadows falling in through the gaps in the blinds. Throwing a pattern of uneven white stripes over the bunched up covers. Over Dean's fingers twisted in the sheets. One half of him in shadow, softened by the dark. The heat of his skin. The tremble of him under Castiel's touch.

He caresses a hand over Dean's chest, slowly. Dean's mouth falls open, his body arching into Castiel's touch. Castiel stops over Dean's heart. Through the fever of his desire, he rejoices about the wonder of experiencing another's heartbeat through one's own senses.

Dean gasps, but then he turns his face away and towards the dark. Eyes closed tight and brows furrowed like something is hurting him.

Castiel stills.

“Dean?”

the case is background on this one but it Does take place over the course of a case so im putting it here. god touchstarved dean trying so hard to work through his shit for cas head in my hands i love this fic so much

before and after breakfast by spocklee (10k)

The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.

chapter 2 of this one.....god. dean and cas you are both so unwell <3 i love everything abt this fic everyone read it now

we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon (15k)

Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.

fics that make you go Oh they love each other...also there’s lesbians in it literally what else could you want.

thunder road by dothraki_shieldmaiden (20k)

After Chuck is defeated and the Winchesters settle into life without God, Dean Winchester is bored.

OR: Dean and Cas take a road trip and figure out some stuff along the way.

this fic is just like. it’s kind! this fic is kind it’s just a pleasant experience and i enjoyed it thoroughly. they’re in love and it’s good

Suck It, Judy Garland by GlitterDwarf, midrashic (20k)

It had to be St. Louis. Or, the one where Sam and Cas get fake married for a case, and Dean loses his mind.

actually im gonna defend dean here imagine youre dean and cas gives what definitely sounded like a deathbed love confession while making eye contact with you and then immediately afterwards fake dates your brother. who among us would not have been a bitch about this

best friends without benefits by lizbobjones (20k)

It’s nearing three a.m. and they’ve been on the road a long time. Sam’s been asleep in the back seat since eleven. Giving up and handing the wheel over to Cas and letting the guy who doesn’t sleep drive had seemed like a good idea.

the premise of this fic is so funny. cas voice dean you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid. everyone read this

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (22k)

This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.

alt version of getting rid of the mark of cain, the darkness never happens. this one is VERY heavy but it’s so good and it has a hopeful ending. ive read this one twice and loved it both times

Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark (45k)

Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.

Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.

Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.

hello op please contact me. please contact me and let me see the inside of your brain. this fic was an unparalleled experience and everyone should also go through it. i love it so very much

Bumper Cars by mansikka (111k)

Two teenagers are missing from an abandoned carnival, and there’s enough to raise suspicion that their disappearance involves a ghost. Dean, Sam, and Cas arrive in town to investigate, though what they find leads them away from those teenagers, and on the trail of a ghost story that churns up things from their past.

Can newly-human Cas, and Dean, with the help of shipper!Sam, work out the mystery behind the abandoned carnival and its ghost, and along the way, figure out the riddle that is them?

one of my absolute fav case fics it forces dean to confront some aspects of johns parenting and work through some shit and also him and cas fall in love and it’s really well done. love this one a lot <3

Finale Fix-its/Finale Denial

Sorry Jimmy by K_K_TiBal (2.1k)

Based on the tumblr textpost:

jellydeans: so are cas and jimmy novak just up in heaven existing at the same time katebushstandean: #jimmy moves to heaven timbuku so that dean stops trying to make out with him every time they run into each other at the heaven grocery store

this one is just extremely funny. local midwestern heterosexual man is forced to play relationship counselor to the dumbest gay people in existence because one of them wore his face

Dean Winchester Really Needs To Make Some Gay Friends by AreYouReady (2.2k)

“Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.

Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.

“What is it, Cas?”

“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.

“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?”

There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.

dean learning about gay ppl via the memories of dean smith...incredible.

tiny difference (between ending and starting to begin) by sunforgrace (2.4k)

Sometimes Dean catches Cas staring at the sky.

It doesn’t happen often. Not when Dean’s around to tell, anyway. But often enough that he starts to notice.

Eventually Dean starts to recognize the pattern.

Cas just doesn’t watch the sky. He watches the birds.

Chuck is gone, Cas is human, and the world is safe. In the quiet aftermath Dean and Castiel find each other again.

i really don’t have much to say abt this one it is just very good and they love each other so much

Bring Home by cenotaphy (3.8k)

Dean's phone doesn't ring on the drive back to the Bunker, but that's okay. Because—well, maybe Cas lost his cell, what with getting shuffled back and forth between a cosmic void dimension and all. And anyway, Dean doesn't want this conversation to happen over the phone, he wants to—he wants to talk to Cas face-to-face. They should talk face-to-face.

Dean will tell him—

Dean doesn't know what he'll tell Cas. Dean is, in fact, terrified by how utterly and completely he does not know what he'll say to Cas.

cas being forced to face the consequences of sending the risky text that was despair <3

dean’s coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda by cowboydeanwinchester (4.1k)

Dean started working at a local auto repair shop in Lebanon, Kansas about a year ago. His coworkers don't know much about him. Except that he has a wife. Or maybe he doesn't. But he has a kid. Who is either a toddler or a high schooler. Who is either named Jack or Sammy. He also might have a best friend named Cas, but that also might be his wife.

Truth is nobody knows what to make of Dean.

obsessed w people not knowing a single fucking thing about dean because he talks so much and never explains anything. this fic is SO funny

Enhanced Extraction Techniques by goldenraeofsun (5.8k)

The Empty takes Meg’s shape, Samandriel’s, Duma’s, every one of the thousands of angels Cas killed up in heaven. But in the middle of lecturing Cas in the form of Balthazar, it explodes in a burst of light and sound.

Dean Winchester stands in the aftermath.

the empty playing mind games on an awake cas bc it can’t put him to sleep is a thing i like a lot and this is very very good

Speak Silence No More by rea_sunshine (8.1k)

When Dean imagined this moment, it went like this:

Dean bursts into the Empty—guns blazing, chin high, righteous anger coursing through him. No matter what form his plans and fantasies and whiskey-drunk-whispered-promises took, he is always, always successful. When he imagined it, he was finally the hero Cas deserved.

The reality of the moment is this:

It’s fucking cold.

dean and cas STILL managing to not communicate with each other properly after the confession is so funny to me and this fic does it really well. also i like that a human being in the empty, where humans do NOT belong, had some like. consequences

my heart is a compass by lagaudiere (10k)

“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.

The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.

In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.

one of thee best dean rescues cas from the empty fics out there i love the way his memories are written i love how many of them were ones that this fic came up with to give me new things to have brainworms over instead of just making me more fixated on He Watched Him Rake Leaves than i already am

killing time by orestespdf (11k)

It's been four years since Dean saved Cas from the Empty and confessed his feelings in return, and in their Vermont lakehouse, the retired couple is now learning how to heal. One morning, Dean gives Cas a haircut.

(A character study of Castiel.)

perfect fic perfect fic no notes no complaints they love each other so much and now dean is giving cas a haircut and they’re spending the day together. god.

and every time we kiss, i swear i can fly by knameless (14k)

Every time, Dean tells himself it’s the last.

aka, twelve times dean and cas kiss.

a just boy best friends kiss for every season <3 mwah

for which no words exist by MediaWhore (14k)

'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken

"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "

Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.

mediawhore i am in LOVE with you oh my god this fic. this fic. dean taking care of cas after rescuing him dean wrapping cas in a blanket oh my GOD

swimming with the fish pond fish by februyuri (17k)

Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam making marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once.

Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.

this is a wip! but it is so good and so worth the read i love it a lot and am very excited for the last chapter. it IS pretty heavy though dean has a LOT to work through

looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) by courfeyrac (20k)

"Jack’s a clever kid—has been ever since he was born, maybe even before that—but Dean’s pretty sure he hasn’t figured out where they’re going yet. And Dean’s… Dean’s excited about it. He remembers planning surprises for Sammy when they were little—saving up quarters and sneaking off to the arcade the year he turned seven, or slipping a book Dean had seen Sammy admiring into his jacket before sprinting out of the store the year he turned twelve. There was only so much Dean could give him back then, hindered by lack of finances and transportation and a father who paid attention. Now, though, Dean’s got a wallet full of cash, a tank full of gas, and the freedom to give his kid the kind of birthday he deserves."

Or, it's Jack's fourth birthday, and the kid wants to go to Build-A-Bear.

EVERYONE READ THIS RIGHT NOW. that is not a request this fic undid me. oh my god. oh my god. they’re a family and they’re going to build a bear and they love each other. oh my god. also no it isn’t a baby jack fic he is 4 and he is also alcal

what’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles (27k)

It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.

~~~

"But have you ever just met someone and maybe it wasn't from the first moment, maybe it was after all these other moments that meant more than you ever expected them to, and it seems like your soul just—just—" Kaia makes a helpless gesture with her hands, pushing out, and she breathes out loudly. "Like it can finally exhale. And that person isn't guaranteed to make you happy, but they're—they're important. You just know it, you can't even escape it, you can't let them go. Ever met someone like that, Dean?"

"I—" Dean halts, his mouth hanging open. He's looking at Kaia, who's looking at him, and his heart is fluttering in his throat like a caged bird aching to soar again. His mind threatens to spiral out of control, but he focuses, swallowing hard. "Yeah. Um. I—yeah, I have."

deancas AND dreamhunter we love to see it also dean DOES smoke weed with kaia and apologizes for pulling a gun on her what more could you want in a fic

Command Me To Be Well by prospopeya (28k)

Dean did a lot of thinking about when and how he would get Cas back. Months of it, actually, stretching into a year, because while Sam and Eileen were settling into their new lives, Dean was stuck. He was stuck in a faraway corner of the bunker, dark and empty and hollow, ringing with the sound of a vibrating phone.

So when he falls to his knees in that same room, exhausted, hurting, breathless, and he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Cas, he realizes that he doesn't have a single clue about what to do now. Getting Cas out had been easy--actually, it'd been the opposite of that--but the planning of it, the methodical desperation of one attempt after the other had been a familiar rhythm. It'd been soothing almost, solid, something to focus on that wasn't Cas's eyes, watery and jubilant in a way Dean hadn't ever seen that up close on anyone, let alone Cas.

And now Cas is pulling him to his feet, and Dean's stumbling, and he instinctually grabs Cas's arm, and his hand lights up with a fire that he isn't prepared for.

"Hello, Dean."

oh post despair lack of communication....oh dean refusing to work through his feelings...this fic is incredible i love it everyone who enjoys dean doing everything in his power to avoid talking about feelings up to and including having sex with the guy who’s in love with him multiple times should read this

break the skin (to break the barriers) by sobsicles (29k)

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment.

SOBSICLES TATTOO FIC MY BELOVED. dean grieving and getting tattoos and it turns into tattoo therapy. im SO in love with mitzi it’s insane. requires some suspension of disbelief for how long a tattoo takes but it’s an incredible fic and an unparalleled experience. sobsicles does not miss

ascend by quiettewandering (53k)

Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?

SUPER cool concept i liked this a lot i’m pretty sure everyone’s read it already but just in case someone hasn’t you absolutely should

oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith by sobsicles (62k)

Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.

~~~

"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"

Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.

Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.

"What?" Dean grits out.

"I love you, too."

the ONLY heaven fic. i do not read heaven fics bc i refuse to budge in my finale denialism i refuse to read fic where it is accepted that dean dies. i was hesitant to read this but god im glad i did it was so good. literally the best possible outcome of dean dying

Endverse

final fantasy. by orange_crushed (1.9k)

“If I’d actually been born human, would I have gotten sick like everyone else? Would I be running around gnawing on the neighbors?” Castiel tilts his head up and even from here Dean can see the black ring of his pupils, wide and dark as dead stars. He’s high as fuck and he’s been loading the guns for forty-five minutes. He stares into the space where Dean is. He smiles and shows his teeth. “Maybe you’d have already put a bullet in my head.”

"This is why you don’t lead storytime anymore," Dean says. "This kind of shit."

endverse last night on earth fics are something that can be so personal actually. god

The Last Song by Moorishflower (3.5k)

The very last song is the Song of Solomon, and Castiel sings it only for Dean. Set in "The End."

this is like. pre endverse and the tone is so like. wistful? is the best word ive got? it’s gorgeous i love it but fair warning there is graphic description of like. viscera and infected wounds

to think that we could stay the same by cipherwriter (6.5k)

cas has all he needs; himself, his creation, and enough power to continue this cycle for a long time. he's fine. dean wants to take care of him anyway.

oh my GOD this one is good it’s based off the thing of how originally endverse cas was supposed to be just sitting in a room killing and resurrecting the same cockroach over and over. very bittersweet at some points i love it a lot, do not read it if youre looking for something happy though lmao

the first church at the end of the world by withbloodstainedclothingon (11k)

The angels don’t eat the brain. Only Croats do that.

this one is fucked but it’s incredible it contains very heavy and violent subject matter and cas is an Actual cult leader he doesn’t just have orgies it is SO well done and i had a great time reading it i recommend it very highly if the warnings sound like something you can stomach

Down to Agincourt by seperis (1.1 million. i know. yes it’s a wip)

There is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to war.

The outcome's known. Why try? Return your rusty sword to battered sheath, bow your head and bend your stubborn knee. Why take the field when you cannot win the war? But Harry -- he went down to Agincourt.

PLEASE. i know the length is intimidating i KNOW it’s a very long fic but please. please read down to agincourt i am begging you. head in my HANDS this series is incredible.

Non Supernatural AUS

Long-Term Relationship by bendingsignpost (2.7k)

Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Reflexively, Dean laughs.

Castiel does not.

“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”

look man it’s bendingsignpost okay. it’s bendingsignpost it’s good and it’s sweet and you should read it

One White Lie by komodobits (11k)

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.

He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

do you ever pretend to be a jehovahs witness for months to hang out with the guy you like because you fucked up asking him out? yeah.

separate ways and sleeping dogs by sobsicles (53k)

Dean is three years sober when Cas comes back into town.

~~~

For a moment, they just stare at each other. Dean, once again, has to swallow the urge to offer to swallow something else. It's very hard to resist the gut-wrenching pull of want that hooks in his chest whenever he looks at Cas. And to think, he used to have him, used to be able to act on that want.

God, he's so fucking stupid.

Well, there's no point in kicking himself three years later for shit he can't change. He'll just sit right here and pretend that his fingers aren't twitching with the urge to reach out and touch. He can't do that anymore, and it's his own damn fault.

"Three years ago," Cas prompts.

Dean huffs a weak laugh. "Yeah. Eventful."

this fic hit me SO hard emotionally oh my god. don’t have much to say bc most of my thoughts on this fic are very personal but my god read this please

Everyone’s a Critic by Englandwouldfall (109k)

The one where uninspired chef Dean Winchester has a one night stand with the male (!) food critic who described the flavour of his garlic bread as 'closeted' and accidentally ends up dating him to try and prove that he's a kick ass chef, thank you very much.

(He may have a point about the 'closeted' thing).

this one is SO fun. dating the food critic who called your garlic bread closeted and lying about your career because you’re embarrassed and you want to redeem your food in his eyes but then you fall in love with him

Non Destiel Centric

gender? you mean that thing i have that pisses people off? by bigender dean winchester (homosexualitie) (946 words)

sam and dean paint each other's nails and dean abuses the technicalities of her gender. what more could you want?

HELLO HE/SHE DEAN COMMUNITY oh my god the pure rush of euphoria reading this. oh my god. oh my god.

the quiet road to a distant city by rottingbrains (1.2k)

Sam stares out the windshield again. They’re approaching a city, and she can see the lights in the distance. She’s past the danger zone, and she feels like the world around her reflects that in some way she can’t put into words- as if God is telling her that it’s okay. She did the right thing, and soon she will be past the lonely unknown and into the warm, forgiving light of acceptance. Or something. Come to think of it, the lights only look warm from far away, and she knows that the actual city will seem far less welcoming. Still. Best not to imagine the worst when it’s already going well.

required reading for transfem lesbian sam fans. fics that live in your ribcage to make your heart feel good

Four People Ruby Seduced & One She Actually Fell For (Or: Ruby's Epic Love Affair with Humanity in General and Sam in Specific) by tuesday (3.7k)

In which Ruby has a lot of sex, is not any kind of therapist that would be legal, and helps a few people out for her own reasons. (S4/S5 AU)

for everyone out there who enjoys ruby being a girlboss <3

Fractured Link by Trell (orphan_account) (5.5k)

Meg goes on, resolute despite the way Dean flinches, "He likes me. He likes me a lot, and I like him back, and that's probably good enough for both of us. But fuck me for saying so, Dean-o, he loves you, probably more than anything else on his daddy's green Earth, and you need to man up and give back what Clarence over there has been devoting to you for years."

this is meg/dean/cas which is not smth i really seek out but this was extremely good. set in s7 so it’s meg and dean and honey cas and it’s a lot of dean figuring his shit out and trying to forgive cas and i love meg a lot in this

#spn #supernatural #destiel #deancas #mine

475 notes · View notes

aro-is-gay-af · 4 years ago

Text

The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader | Part 2

Part 1 | Part 3

I advise you to read it first, as this post is the continuation.

Yeah, there will be Part 3 for sure. As usual, sorry for gramatical confusion and/or any mistakes.

Love you all, thank you for 100 (!) notes under Part 1.

Warnings: Rape, Depression, PTSD, Swear words, Forced Pregnancy

Word count: 6768

Summary: [Y/N] and Bella are childhood friends. They were always there for each other. [Y/N] had tough times and struggles with everyday life. Bella faces depression after Edward had left her. [Y/N] tries to get her going and alive. One day [Y/N] is raped and gets pregnant with the rapist. Not long after that it turns out that Edward got himself into the mess with Volturi. [Y/N], even traumatized and in pieces, will not let Bella go without her supervision to Italy. What is going to happen when [Y/N] will stay at Volterra? Is she really predestined to be Kings’ mate? Is she going to have her baby or abort the pregnancy? Will the trauma go away or is she going to struggle for a long time?

ENJOY!

You tried not to break your eye contact with Aro, as it made you unusually calm and on place. As soon as you walked through the door to the throne room you felt almost like at home. You knew it would take some time to get used to the new place, especially a place like this, though, you didn't find it repulsive or frightening.

You sat down in the chair that Aro had pulled out for you. It was a little gesture but it made you a little less weirded out. Now, that you were alone with three kings, you were not as relaxed as you might have thought you’ll be, for your legs were trembling with exertion.

It wasn’t a surprise, though. You’ve barely eaten, been up on your feet since you got off the plane and through all day long, you were strongly convinced it was your last day on Earth. On top of this, you’ve just allowed Aro to touch your hand and then kiss it. You were certain that if it was for any other person, you wouldn’t be so willing to do so.

Aro took a seat opposite to you, whereas Marcus and Caius sat, probably, on their usual seats, not that far from you both. You were tired, but confident that some things needed to be established as soon as possible. You understood this perfectly. Also, even though Alice told you about basic things, you still were oblivious to most information.

“You have impressed me with your declaration” it was Caius who started the conversation. You looked directly at him.

“I’m not stupid, nor suicidal” you said, trying to remain as calm as possible. “At least, not anymore” you admitted, your upset tone impossible to miss. Caius tilted his head, eyeing you carefully.

“While on the plane, Alice told me briefly about basics,” you said. Seeing their stares, you rolled your eyes. “Yes, she also explained to me the laws. I knew this trip would’ve only two possible endings for me.”

Aro had known about this prior, but Marcus and Caius looked taken aback, to say at least.

“You knew you’d probably die and still came here?” it was Marcus who asked. It was a weird experience, even if you’d known him only for a few moments, to see such an authentic interest in his behaviour.

You nodded and smiled.

“Sure I did. Bella’s stupid ass didn’t give me another choice” you chuckled. Caius smiled again with that creepy smile, which he also had on his face while in the throne room.

“Stop that, brother” Aro scolded him lightly. “We don’t want to frighten [Y/N].”

Caius only rolled his eyes.

“You are familiar with the fact that I am as old as you, brother?” he asked Aro mockingly, sprawling comfortably in his chair. “There’s no need to scold me like I’m a child.”

Aro frowned.

“Yes, brother, I am certainly familiar with this. But nonetheless, you should be more gentle when it comes to [Y/N].”

Even though you’d been tired, somehow kings’ presence had risen your spirits. Also, it was quite funny to see them mock themselves like this.

“Can I say something?” you asked, visibly amused by their behaviour. You've relaxed a little and only then you felt how tired you really were.

“Of course, cara” said Marcus, who didn’t exactly talk much until now. All of them were looking at you, curious about what you wanted to say.

You smiled shyly, not being accustomed to receive so much attention at once.

“I don’t know if it’s normal but I’m not exactly…afraid of you? I guess I’m mostly curious. I wasn’t… concerned while we were heading here. Like, at all” you admitted, trying your best to find words, which would suit your emotions.

Three of them were listening very carefully, even Aro, who had already known your thoughts.

“Alice wasn’t trying to scare me, but I felt that she was extremely cautious when it came to your coven. Bella also was exaggerating with drama and I…” you immediately felt sick and couldn’t end the sentence. You were happy to maybe die? You were happy to have something to think about, other than rape? To think about something different than this unwanted child?

It was as they felt the change in your mood. You saw Aro wanted to touch you but restrained himself from doing so. Marcus’s expression was calm but you actually thought, he was being beyond emotional about this. And Caius…he looked genuinely concerned.

You smiled sadly, as none of them said anything.

“I’m not exactly aware of how this mating bond thing works, but that’s probably the reason” you said quietly, with insecurity so overwhelming that you couldn’t look at the kings anymore. Instead, you embraced your knees with yours arms and glanced at your feet resting on the edge of your chair.

You tried hard not to cry. You weren’t weak, you weren’t unstable. You were harmed in the most brutal way and you knew, it would take you a while to get out of this state of mind. Nevertheless, you didn’t want them to consider you weak or unworthy of their attention. Right now, they were the only ones you had in this world.

Your throat tightened and your lips trembled from the sob you denied yourself to make. One of them handed you a handkerchief, while making an effort not to touch you. You glanced up, as it turned out, at Marcus, who was holding the handkerchief in front of you.

“It is perfectly alright to cry, cara. You have no idea how many times I wished to shed at least one tear” he said, while you were wiping away yours. You believed him, of course. When you were in the throne room, at first Marcus looked completely lifeless and depressed. It changed after he spotted you, but you knew his behaviour didn’t come out of nowhere.

You’ve managed to calm yourself a little bit. After you regained your composure, Aro smiled gently at you, making you give him your full attention.

“My dear, we would be delighted to explain to you everything, but I can clearly see that you are extremely tired. So much has happened today, and the best way we can handle this, is when you are well rested. May I suggest coming back to the topic without any more delay, when you’ve had enough sleep?”

You smiled because of his intricate wording.

“Sure. Although, there’s no need for you to talk to me this way” you said amused, while also trying not to sound rude. The way Aro expressed his thoughts was extremely distinguished and you understood that this was part of his personality that he had acquired over three millennia.

Caius smiled to himself hearing your remark and Marcus didn't hide his amusement either. Even Aro seemed mildly entertained.

“Forgive me, cara mia” he said apologetically, mischievous tone of his voice never escaping your attention. “I am quite old by now” his remark made Caius laugh loudly. You laughed too.

“I don’t think your age matters in this case” you said, your spirits raised just a little bit.

***

After your brief conversation, it was Marcus who showed you to your room. Well, it wasn’t exactly a room, as you had all suite to yourself. As soon as you saw it, you decided that it was really too much, that a bed would suffice, but fell silent after Marcus explained, why you needed to be isolated from others.

You almost forgot they were vampires and you could die if you walked into the wrong one. You shared your concerns with Marcus, who was extremely amused to hear about them. Only the most trusted members of the guard knew of the whereabouts of your chamber. The lower ranks didn't even know that you were staying in the castle for an extended period of time.

Marcus assured that overnight the kings would consider, who would be the most qualified to become your personal guardian. You were a bit embarrassed, as you seemed to be creating quite a problem with your presence in the castle. Nonetheless, you thanked Marcus, making sure beforehand that you would definitely see the three of them, as soon as you got some sleep.

Your chamber was huge. You could’ve sworn it was twice the size of the house you owned in Forks. You had your own bathroom, walk-in-closet and even a small kitchenette with a fridge. The star of the room was the massive bed with a mattress so soft, you felt like you were lying on a cloud. Before you went to bed, you decided to have a bath, because it would be silly to sleep in such a bed while being dirty.

While searching for pyjamas, you realised there were not many clothes in the wardrobe. Could this have been a guest room? You concluded that it was very likely. Anyway, you had nothing against guest rooms which looked like this. You found a thin-strapped, ankle-length nightdress, in a fabric so pleasant that it was impossible to resist wearing it.

The bathroom was ridiculously large, with two sinks to the left of the entrance, a huge bathtub in the middle and a shower that was built into, what you assumed, was a marble wall. On the opposite side of the entrance there was a vanity, with all kinds of beauty products and perfumes. You also didn't expect the bathroom to be in bright colours, and yet, the walls and floor were white marble, whereas all other elements were golden. You didn't even want to think about the fact that indeed, you had real gold faucets to your exclusive use.

You continued to think about the fact that it seemed too much. The lavishness overwhelmed you and, at the same time, distracted you from unpleasant thoughts. The washing up part, as always, was difficult for you. You tried not to look in the mirror at all. Eventually, you decided you didn't have the energy to try a bath, so you went for a quick shower.

It wasn't until you were in the shower, before you truly felt tired. You doubted it was an evening, but you felt like you'd just done a double shift at the hospital. It felt wonderful to have your hair washed, only to cuddle up later in an incredibly soft towel.

While changing into your nightgown, you didn't even glance in the mirror. You were unable to look at your naked body in the reflection. You were afraid, even though the bruises and wounds had long been healed.

Climbing onto the bed, you tried not to think too much. You didn't want to think about what you were going to do with the baby. You didn't want to think about the fact that you would probably have to explain to Caius and Marcus, why you were pregnant in the first place. You also didn't want to think about Aro seeing those memories. You were glad that you could fall asleep and, at least for a little while, be relieved of the burden of reality.

***

“Alright. What is there that we need to discuss?” you asked, trying to focus. You were back in the study with the round table, except that there were many more papers and books on it than the day before.

It was the strangest morning of your life. According to what Aro told you, you slept for about fifteen hours. He was by your side when you woke up, but not in such manner as to startle you in any way. He came to ask how you were feeling and what you felt like eating for breakfast. You thought that with a kitchenette in your room you would be preparing your own meals. You were very much mistaken. When you said that you would like to eat scrambled eggs, Aro only smiled and told you to get dressed.

You didn't have time to ask what you were supposed to wear since the walk-in-closet was almost empty, but he had already disappeared. It turned out that you were wrong again. In those fifteen hours, someone had managed to restock your wardrobe at least halfway. You were too surprised to look at everything, but you had never seen such expensive and well-tailored clothes. You picked out the first pieces you were sure, you would feel comfortable in.

After a quick shower, you dressed up and when you came out of bathroom, Aro was already waiting for you. He brought you your meal and while you were eating, he would talk to you about things that were of minor importance. It was hard not to notice that he was in a great mood and you had to admit that you were sharing his optimism. He waited patiently for you to end your meal so that both of you could join Marcus and Caius in the study. If your human memory didn't fail you, a great number of issues had to be discussed.

You smiled, seeing so many papers and books on the wooden table. Caius and Marcus were sitting in the exact same places as yesterday.

“You should’ve wake me sooner, you know. I never sleep this much” you said, also sitting in the same place you were assigned the evening before. Aro sat in the chair on your right.

“You should sleep as long as you feel like it, dolcezza,” said Caius, focusing all his attention on you. You blushed a little. You weren’t used to being in the centre of attention. It didn't make you uncomfortable before, but after what happened... It was going to take some time before you could fully recover.

“Caius is right. You should get plenty of sleep, my dear. If there’s no need to wake you up, we simply will not do it,” said Aro, whose smile has not left his face even for a moment.

When Marcus had finished whatever he was doing, you could finally move on to the conversation between the four of you. You thought that Aro will lead the conversation but, apparently, you were really going to discuss this together.

“I gathered you were a nurse before. You also worked with Carlisle,” started Aro, getting straight to the point. You nodded your head in agreement.

“Yes. I worked on Paediatric Intensive Care Unit but hospital in Forks is so small that I usually ended up also helping Carlisle with many things” you admitted, trying to divide your attention between three of them. If you were to stay a human for a little while, you needed to work on that. It was rather problematic to look at them all at once.

“We became friends when Bella started seeing Edward, but then the whole moving out thing came up and right now, I don't really know if I know Carlisle as well as I thought I did,” you said, without a trace of regret in your voice. Aro knew very well that you had a grudge against the doctor. Sure, Edward had left Bella, but you were sure Carlisle would have at least told you about the promotion. Now you knew it wasn't about that at all, and yet the grudge continued.

Aro smiled lightly, but you saw a glint of sadness in his eye.

“After you transformation I will be pleased to invite here my old friend Carlisle along with his family. I hope everything will work out fine between the two of you” he said with hope in his voice. You had no idea that Carlisle new Aro to the extent that he called him an old friend. You promised yourself to talk about this with Aro while in private.

“I’m…a bit concerned about this, actually” you said anxiously. “I know I need to become a vampire one day, but…” You never ended the sentence. Were you afraid of pain? No, certainly not. However, you wanted to begin with knowing your mates just a little bit more. You wanted to know more about this world you were supposed to spend eternity in.

“It’s perfectly alright to be afraid, [Y/N]” said Marcus, leaning closer to you. You felt stupid and young.

“I don’t think I’m afraid. I’m only…uncertain, because I know close to nothing about your lifestyle and I’m not sure I’m quite ready to experience it,” you tried to explain, as best as you could. Aro was a little bit ahead of Caius and Marcus, as he saw at least parts of such thoughts in your mind. Caius was the one to answer you.

“It understandable, [Y/N]. While you’ll be spending time with us, we’re going to explain everything to you. One step at a time, as my dear brother said earlier. And tell me, how do you like your chambers?” he asked, clearly curious about your opinion. You smiled, but it was a shy one.

“I love it, really, but, as I asked Aro earlier, isn’t it too much?” you suggested, trying not to offend him. Aro and Marcus smiled softly, Caius snorted.

“Nonsense, cara. With us, you'll have the very best of all worlds” he assured you.

“In that case, thank you, all of it is truly wonderful, although I feel a little awkward.”

Again, all three just laughed, but it wasn’t impolite in one bit. Aro put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“My dear, no need for you to fret about such things as money. The most important person to us is you and we will give you whatever you need” he assured you, still with that magnificent smile. You nodded shyly, not being able to say anything. You had only been with them in a room for a short while and you felt like you were drunk. The aura they exuded was irresistible. Simultaneously you wanted to be with each of them separately and with all of them altogether. It was not an affection, not yet, but this strange attraction did not allow itself to be forgotten easily. You yearned to be in the same room with them, just to be able to talk to them and look at each other constantly.

“I have… I have a house in Forks” you said, after a few minutes of silence.

“Would you like to sell your property?” asked Caius, raising an eyebrow. Aro was also intrigued. Marcus just continued to look at you, almost as he studied your face.

“I guess. I don't think I want to go back there again” you said quietly, recalling how many bad things happened there. You were no longer at ease, not even to mention amused. The kings, just as it happened the day before, felt the shift in your behaviour. “Ever” you emphasised, but it was only a whisper.

Bad memories deluged your thoughts. Your mother's illness and death. Your father's accident, then his death. Also, the most recent events. You swallowed hard, trying not to cry.

“I don’t want this house. I don’t want to come back to this godforsaken place ever again,” you said, wiping away a single tear with your fingers. You were ashamed, but you could not hold back the tears that followed. You did not deserve to go through all of this.

It was Marcus who spoke first.

“Cara, Aro told us nothing about your past, but I can assure you no one is going to hurt you here. You can be certain about this” he said gently, handing you a handkerchief. You accepted it gratefully, then began to quickly wipe away your tears.

“Marcus is absolutely right, [Y/N]. There is nothing in this world that we cannot protect you from. We will always be by your side. You won’t be in danger ever again” Caius assured you, while you were still trying to get these tears under control.

Aro seemed as if he wanted to lock you in an embrace and never let you go again, but he restrained himself. You knew it was because of your memories, because he saw what happened to you, and because he literally lived through it with you. You thought that probably the latter pushed you towards this decision. Who could know better what you’ve been through, than a person who knew about all things that happened during your life? You wanted a hug, desperately, and you already knew, you could trust Aro on this one.

Once he saw the permission in your eyes, you immediately found yourself in his arms. As usual, he was immensely gentle and affectionate, stroking your hair while not touching your skin, so as not to accidentally read your thoughts. You cuddled into him trustingly, not caring that he was cold. You had known him one day and he had managed to evoke more trust within you, than friends that you had known for years.

When the crying eased and you calmed down slightly, you rested your head on his shoulder. Again, just like yesterday in the throne room, you felt as if you had been home for a long time. They were your home, not some pile of stones and a roof.

“I’m sorry” you whispered, trying not to be ashamed. Aro stroked your hair again.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, cara mia,” he assured you, with a gentle tone of his voice. You glanced at Marcus and Caius, but they only seemed at ease, as you finally were calm and not crying. Not a hint of jealousy. You didn't want Aro to let you out of his embrace and apparently he wasn't going to do anything of the sort either. You felt safe within his arms.

“Can you take care of ‘selling the house’ thing?” you asked, trying to remember what were you talking about before your emotional breakdown.

“Of course, [Y/N]. You could call Isabella later, to gather things you want to have here with you,” said Caius, exceptionally calm. Maybe his behaviour in the throne room was only an act? Or maybe he was being this way only because you were a mess and he didn’t want to upset you more than you already were.

“Yes, I’d like that, please” you said politely, wiping away the last of your tears with the handkerchief you got from Marcus.

“Are you ready to talk about the child, cara, or do you want to postpone it until some other time?” Aro asked you, trying to be as gentle with the word choice as possible. You hid your face in his jet black hair. It smelled of something you couldn't quite define, but it had a calming effect on you. You heaved a number of deep breaths. He gently caressed your shoulder.

“If you feel like sharing this, cara mia, please do. If you are unable to, do not force yourself” he advised, with so much sensitivity in his tone, that you wouldn’t expect from a man, yet alone from a vampire. It seemed that nor Caius, neither Marcus wanted to push you only to get this information.

You didn’t want to ponder about it for too long. It would definitely come to an end with you simply telling nothing at all. While you were not ready at all to talk about it, you needed to explain this somehow. You weren’t ready for any unexpected touch. You were adamant that current thing with Aro was caused by situation and your emotions. While the thought of Caius or Marcus touching you wasn’t downright awful, the idea of unexpected, unwelcomed touch made you twitch uncontrollably.

“As Aro was kind enough to mention…” started Marcus, probably to assure you no words were truly needed. You might, as well, have said it already. You didn't want anyone to accidentally touch you. You wanted to welcome the touch of your mates, just as you did with Aro a few minutes before. Being touched when you didn’t want would be catastrophic, not only for your mental health, but also for the stirring relationship with kings. It would have been worse than talking about rape itself out loud.

“I was raped a few weeks ago” you choked out, trying to make your voice sound as toneless and apathetic as possible. “I haven’t decided what to do with the… with it. Yet” you added, feeling stupid and extremely anxious. You wanted to get it over with, and at the same time you knew, it would have to be talked about at some point.

Nobody said anything. They probably waited for more words, maybe more emotions. You weren’t tense or embarrassed in front of them. Although, the uncertainty, of what were their thoughts on the topic, was a little bit intimidating. As minutes passed and you were saying nothing, Caius spoke up.

“Do you want us to kill him?” he asked, sweeping you off your feet with the question. You stared at him with amazement, completely forgetting about Aro embracing you. Your gaze didn’t discourage Caius a one bit. “Maybe some tortures first? What do you say, brothers?” he asked Aro and Marcus, his eyes remaining on you.

“Could you really do that?” you asked, before Aro or Marcus could answer. Caius started laughing out loud. There was something terrifying and, yet, incomprehensibly appealing about it. He leaned towards you.

“We would burn the whole world for you,” he whispered perilously. “If you want him to suffer, to be terrified, just as you were, say the word” he clarified, with a nasty smirk on his face. “We’ll make his last hours on Earth a living hell.”

Caius had something dangerous within himself. Something primal. He wasn’t so self-composed as Aro and as insular as Marcus. He was violent, fierce, vicious. It should scare you away from him. Only it didn’t. You believed every word he said and wanted it done. Why this little man should live his life peacefully, when you were traumatised and pregnant with a child you didn’t want in a first place?

“Revenge isn’t going to make you feel better” Aro whispered warningly into your ear, but still with calm and gentle voice.

“Yeah, I know that” you said to Aro, while still staring into Caius’s eyes. His also were crimson, but with lighter shade than Aro’s. You weren’t anxious anymore, nor were you in emotional breakdown. “But women he wants to rape will feel better if he doesn’t” you said, smiling almost as darkly as Caius. You got the feeling that you two were going to get along pretty well. Caius leaned back into his chair.

“Fantastic. We’ll talk about it more in following weeks, dear” he said, obviously pleased with the outcome of the conversation.

“Regardless if you keep the child, you’re going to be one of us” reminded Aro, to change the subject. When he mentioned transformation, you were far more conscious than few moments before. You tried not to be pessimistic about the change. You knew questions needed to be asked, but you had plenty of time to ask about anything you wanted and exactly three most experienced vampires in the world to answer them.

“We established it before, Aro” said Marcus for the first time in a while. You gathered that he wasn’t the talkative one here. You disentangled yourself from Aro's embrace and returned to your chair. Enough touching for today. However, you were sure that the sense of safety and comfort that he provided you with, would remain with you for a long time.

“I’m not able to tell you now if I want to keep the child” you said with confidence. “Anyway, I need to know what will happen, whether I decide to terminate the pregnancy or not.”

You were looking directly at Aro. You knew he had the final word here. You had a feeling how it’ll end, but you wanted to hear it anyway and have it straightforward. Aro sighed softly and smiled warmly after.

“If you’d like to keep the child, you’re going to give birth to it and when it’ll be grown up enough, it’ll become one of us” he said, his gaze extremely soft.

“Okay” you agreed. “And what if I’m not going to keep the child?” you asked, because it was the more probable occurrence. Aro saw it within your thoughts and you weren’t going to act like it wasn’t the choice you were closer to opt for. His smile remained gentle and warm, his eyes calm and soft on yours.

“The things that need to be done, are going to be done” he said, and you were extremely grateful that he didn’t use the ‘abortion’ word. You were too emotionally unstable to talk about it so straightforward. “We are going to know each other a little bit more. You’ll also meet our most trustful guards to feel safe. When you’ll be ready, one of us will change you” he explained, as simple as he could. You smiled at him a little sadly.

“Alright. Do I have any time limitations?” you asked curiously, throwing a quick glance at Caius and Marcus.

“No, dolcezza. You can take as much time as you want. You’re finally with us. That’s what truly matters to us” he reassured you. He was neither angry nor upset with the thought of you postponing transformation till the child is being born.

“One step at a time” he said cheerfully and smiled. You also smiled. It was almost impossible not to. “Cara mia, you’re so pretty when you smile. I hope you’ll be able to do that more and more here” this sentence made you blush. All three of them laughed, which made you blush even more.

“Thank you” you whispered, but it was a little unsure and hesitant. You saw concern on their faces.

“May I ask you one more question?” this time it was Marcus who asked.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Have you checked how far along are you? You’ve told us that maybe you’ll want to terminate the pregnancy, but my concern is about your health and how your body is going to catch up with the decision of yours, regardless what it’ll be” he said, very politely, trying not to offend you. You appreciated that dearly.

Marcus did ask very good question, though. You had no idea how far along you were. It was at least three months since it happened, so your first trimester should be over very soon.

“I don’t know. I haven’t checked. I couldn’t find the courage to do so. The only thing the doctor did, was to confirm the pregnancy” you answered, trying hard to remember if something else was being said.

“We should probably call the doctor, then” said Marcus, concern noticeable in his voice. Aro and Caius agreed with him, so did you.

“So, do I have my own cook at my disposal?” you asked to change the subject and relieve tension a bit. Enough of difficult subjects for today.

“Ah, yes, my dear, of course!” said Aro with extreme enthusiasm. “I hope you enjoyed your breakfast today. If something isn’t the way you want it, tell any of us right away.”

“Oh, yes, I did! Hey, and I told you that already!” you said, quite amused. “Am I not supposed to be the one, who forgets?” you asked, laughing.

Caius laughed most loudly, clearly amused by what you’ve just said. Aro smiled, watching you being in better mood, than before. Marcus was just Marcus, but he also smiled.

You spent the rest of the day with the kings, talking about many important and less important things. Mostly, you talked about the matter of selling your house, the things you will want to have with you in the castle, the fact that you should give up your job and your personal guard. The latter has been the cause of endless discussion. Later that evening, Aro decided that Renata, his personal guard, would be temporarily assigned to you.

You wanted to argue but there was literally no point in it. You knew that for the time you were still human, you had to have some sort of guard, because you couldn't even handle half a vampire on your own. You weren't tired at all, so after eating dinner you spent time with Caius and Marcus, trying to figure out what you could do together to get to know each other better. Unfortunately, Aro was obliged to attend to some important business, but in this case, you had already established some kind of a bond with him.

Caius and Marcus deeply respected your wish not to touch you in any way. You visited the library and were sure you had simply fallen in love. Sadly, most of the books were written in languages the existence of which you were previously unaware. Marcus was more than happy to offer you to study with him. To begin with, learning Italian. You had not yet discovered what Caius liked to do, but you were sure you would soon find out.

When they too had to attend to important matters, they escorted you to your room, and you decided it would be a good idea to call Bella. Not just about the house, but generally to let her know you were alive. When you’ve finally reached her, you both couldn’t shut up.

“Hi, sister!” you squeaked, overly excited. You heard her laugh.

“Hi! Are you fine, [Y/N]? I was starting to worry, the only thing that kept me from calling you was Alice,” she said and you laughed.

“Hi [Y/N]!” you heard Alice in the background. You threw yourself on the bed, so that you could lie on your stomach. You hugged your pillow and made yourself comfortable.

“Hi Alice!” you greeted her, smiling to yourself like a mad person, who you probably were, given the circumstances. “I’m happy to hear you, Bella, seriously. Are you at Cullen’s place?” you asked curious, as where Alice came from.

“Yeah, exactly. We were all worried here, you know” she admitted, you heard how anxious she was. You couldn’t help it but laughed.

“Well, how could you leave me in the lion's den like that” you joked and heard someone’s laugh.

“She’s fun. I need to meet her” you heard again and also laughed.

“This will probably happen sooner rather than later,” you answer to this mystery someone with confidence. Bella’s side fell silent. “But, you know, I guess I’m okay. I had fifteen hours of sleep today and the best scrambled eggs in my entire life” you admitted cheerfully, thinking about you waking up and eating your breakfast in Aro’s presence. You smiled widely. You heard someone talking in the background, but you had no idea what was this all about.

“That’s good because I was worried sick when we got out of that room” Bella admitted, trying to sound not too worried, though.

“It’s better than fine, you know. And how are you? You seriously were as white as a sheet while in throne room” you said and this was your turn to be worried about Bella again. “Hey, and I hope this asshole isn’t going to leave you again. My threat is in force,” you said in a threatening tone, knowing that Edward could definitely hear it. You heard the same laugh as before plus Bella’s laugh.

“I’m sure he’ll not be doing it again. Carlisle has already scolded him decently.”

Your heart ached a little after hearing Carlisle’s name. You thought he was your friend, or maybe it was beginning of friendship, and now you had no idea what to think about it at all.

“Good. How are you, Bells?” you asked again, hugging your pillow tightly.

“I’m okay, really, [Y/N]. No need to worry about me.”

Of course you were going to worry about her. She was just like a little sister to you. No way you’d stop worrying. Suddenly, you remembered what happened in the throne room and became seriously concerned.

“Have you set a date?” you asked, and again, the other side fell silent. This time completely. You sighed heavily. “I’m not a spy, you know, but I’m worried about you. We will need to talk about all of this. I get why didn’t you tell me, but, seriously Bella, your self-preservation instinct does not exist,” you scolded her, just a little. You had a feeling that she gave no fucks, no matter what anyone could say about this situation.

“Says the “I’m staying here, Bella” person” she gritted out with sarcasm. You rolled your eyes.

“One, they wouldn’t let me leave. Two, you were in danger and I was alright with sacrificing myself to save you. Three…” this time you fell silent, realising something important. “…I wouldn’t go. I’m not able to. This bond, whatever it is, it’s strong shit. You probably now it, as you have this with Edward. I have got it triple.”

After really long moment of complete silence, Bella spoke up.

“Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?” she asked, her question as heavy as storm clouds. You sighed.

“Because I’ve got nothing to live for, ya know? I was prepared that I wouldn’t get out alive,” you admitted with sad voice, but it was downright true.

“You’re pregnant, [Y/N]” she said, like it was something, which could immediately improve your well-being and quality of life. You felt like throwing up.

“Yeah. I’m pregnant with the child I don’t want, with a man I’ve never met, who forced himself on me and made my life more miserable than it already was. I should probably send him a card or something because, guess what, I’ve never considered that my life is going to be more crappy than it already was after my parents’ death.”

When you ended the sentence and no one said anything, you just sighed heavily.

“You’ve got the date set?” you asked again, merely curious about this and to change the topic.

“Not yet” she said, her voice sad and full of emotions.

“Then do it. They’re patient, to some extent, but don't tempt fate. I don’t want to attend yet another funeral,” you said bitterly, trying not to think at all.

“How can you be so calm about all of this?” Bella snapped suddenly, making you shift uncomfortably on bed.

“And how you can be so calm? How was this your fucking plan from the very beginning? Once again, I try to understand you, while not understanding you at all” you snapped too, tired of any games. Before she could answer, you continued:

“I’m not coming back. I wanted to ask you if you could go to my house and get some things, I can make you a list if it’s going to be easier.”

You thought telling her this right away would be better than if she wasn’t aware for weeks or months.

“What?! Why aren’t you coming back?” she asked with raised voice. You wanted to shout and scream but you didn’t. It was too much for one day.

“Because I’ve got nothing to come back to. You’re going to be a vampire anyway, so I’ll see you in some time. I’m selling the house and I want to leave the past exactly where it belongs” you explained, trying not to yell. The hormone fluctuations didn't make it easy for you at all.

Another silence. You were tired of all of this.

“Can you do this for me, Bella? Because if you can’t, I’m sure…”

She didn’t let you finish.

“Of course I’ll do it for you. Can we talk tomorrow about the details?” she asked, her voice calmed a bit.

“Yeah, sure. It’s well after midnight here anyway, so I should probably go to sleep. I’ve got doctor’s appointment tomorrow in the afternoon” you said, trying to sound casually. Last thing you needed now was to argue about anything with Bella.

“Okay, so, call me tomorrow?” she asked. “And be safe.”

“You too, Bells. Take care. I love you, sis” you said, trying to stop the forthcoming tears.

“I love you too, [Y/N].”

Long after this phone call, you couldn’t get yourself to sleep. You tried bath this time, but it was mostly useless. At least, you were clean. First time after the rape, you decided to touch your belly on purpose. It began to curve gently, and, apart from that, you still felt pain and pressure in your breasts. You put on a nightdress and went to bed, this time actually trying to get some sleep. You also tried not to think too much about what the future would bring.

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