#sorry im not trying to be self absorbed i just like seeing my own improvement

[shock]

i really like that i can see development in my art style with collages more than i can see it in any other art i do...

1. started by mimicking what i was familiar with, covers of magazines, as i'd worked on them before and was really interested in making fake covers 2. i realized i could make them more abstract in imagery, use multiple mediums like stamps/ink/paint, and create more direct commentary 3. i fully went the direction of creating poetry by cutting multiple articles up to massively change the context and create my own meaning, i got really obsessed with this

4. when i would get tired of making collages with poetry on them i would pick a theme to "highlight", like hands, comic book words, or plants, specific animals, and compile a collection of that thing - these took longer than others and gave my brain a chance to zone out 5. i started tailoring them to people in my life, combining imagery and poetry to give a message for one person specifically who would understand it 6. i move on from just people i know to ask others for ideas/themes/expressions that i otherwise wouldn't think of, which helped me try different formats/shapes/set-ups to make different scenes

7. i start playing more with sensations (ie burning pieces off paper and layering them, collages that had moving parts, different textures) 8. i really want to start stepping away from using larger chunks of other works and make something more transformative, so i come up with roughly most of the poetry in my head to have a thread while i look for small clips that could fit where i want them to, using more than just words to make poetry, choosing types of fonts specifically to convey different tones

9. i start trying to make my own poetry from letters alone, combining the same things i've been practicing (in this case spamming extra letters, burning edges, and multiple layers) 10. now im learning how much writing is too much and how long it takes to make something like this and how i can combine it with other things i've learned to make more fun stuff, possibly more moving parts :)

[angeldormante]

Hi!! Im the Leo-withdrawal anon! I didnt ask anything prior to the one you just answered, but I'm so happy you responded! I'd honestly listen to anything you write--I think you have a wonderful way of expressing yourself, and the way you write is just... *chef's kiss* I guess, a question I'd have for you is this: What sort of hobbies do you headcanon our fearless leader to have? Quirks? Both endearing and... less so? I think that'd be a fun start!

hokay.... finally getting around to this!! sorry for the wait and thank you for bearing with me, anon! (ty for the compliment, too -- i'm very flattered jfjflk i just like talking about turtles ok (•̥ ̫ •̥) )

now... lemme talk blue to ya.

if we're talking about hobbies, well. stop me if you think you've heard this before -- leo loves training. for all of the guys, ninjutsu is a way of life; it's how they survive the world, how they connect with themselves and one another; it's their entire culture that the foundations of their family is built upon. and that's super neat. but watch 2k3 for like, one episode, and you'll very quickly see that the only one that fully leans into it is leo. mikey and don have their own interests that they often can't get to quickly enough once the day's training session ends. i think raph actually enjoys training recreationally as well -- but he's more interested in the physical aspect, spending his energy, bulking up, not necessarily focusing on skill or technique. i like to imagine that growing up, leo and raph spent a lot of time in the dojo together doing their own thing, kind of "separate but together"; before casey came along and raph got into hanging out topside with him.

leo, though, he throws himself fully into training. he's incredibly dedicated to it not only because of his sense of responsibility, but because he genuinely enjoys it -- he enjoys improving his technique, his skill. he enjoys the repetition of learning, which helps to calm and center him. he enjoys meditation, which helps him focus and clear his mind. as an introvert, and precisely because his family doesn't hang around the dojo as often as he does, leo's solo training time is his time -- it's his chance to relax and decompress. i think it's exactly why he spiraled harder and harder in season 4 no matter how much training he did: at that point, it was no longer a hobby, but an obsession. leonardo normally uses training as a healthy outlet, but when he channeled his exodus trauma into it, he removed his main method of decompression and replaced it with the intent to fuel that exact trauma. (sidebar, though i've talked about it before: i also feel like this is why fast forward is so excellent at showing leo's character growth. he is extremely zen and such a huge advocate of healthy self-reflection in the way he coaches cody and his clone. my sweet boy, so proud of him in that season.)

now i know what you may be thinking. and you're right. there's more to leo than his life in the dojo... so let's talk about some other hobbies i like to think he has!

so here's the thing, and i think it's something else i've touched on before... but i think leo actually has a very strong bond with donnie. their temperaments are very similar, they feel similar burdens when it comes to protecting the family, etc... and to be honest, i think they bond a lot over the same nerdy hobbies too! i think leo is a huge freaking nerd.

i legit think that donatello has probably absorbed his brother into more than one of his hobbies, both unwillingly and not. some things click for leo, and some things don't. some things he has a hard time getting into until he discovers a certain aspect of it or views it from a different perspective. but he is very often willing to try anything.

for example, i imagine that growing up, leo and don played a lot of chess together. don used to overwhelmingly win, until they got older and older leo got deeper and deeper into the tactical aspect, and soon he was beating don quite soundly more often than he wasn't. don started getting into engineering manuals and physics books, while leo started getting into history texts and military treatises, but both shared a love for novels and would swap their favorites regularly. and they still play chess, of course.

don got into nerdy sci-fi shows. like, really into them. and leo couldn't quite pick up the thread on that one, but he was content to endure every fourth movie night when it was don's turn to pick. and slowly he began getting drawn into it, the same way anyone does -- he enjoyed the campiness of the plot, how absolutely ludicrous the fight choreography was, how sometimes there were actually deep and thoughtful moments. it was both a welcome respite from the intensity of his reality and something he could put to practical use if he had to, like, steal a spaceship one day, though the odds of that happening seemed pretty low⁽ˡᵒˡ⁾. he was never able to quote any of the episodes verbatim like donnie, but it was something they could discuss and lightly bicker about during the times when leo is mindlessly helping out around don's lab. (more on that in a sec.)

also? i can absolutely. totally. easily see leo as a tabletop game enthusiast. i think i'll refrain from getting lost in the weeds on that once, since this is already starting to run long, but i just want to put that in your mind. tmnt dnd gaming nights. let that sit for a second.

okay moving on.

i genuinely think that leo just likes existing in the general vicinity of his family and extended family. not necessarily doing anything; just being there, doing something with his hands. if don is working on a project, leo may drift in, and don will ask him to hand him certain tools or read aloud certain notes on the screen, because he knows the deal. if raph is lifting weights and leo wanders over from his own training session, raph may ask him to spot, or set up the next pair of weights, because he knows how it is. if mikey is sitting in the living room playing video games and leo appears on the couch next to him, he might toss him a controller, or he may just start blabbering about what game he's playing and what level he's on, because he's got it. if april and casey are tidying up her shop for a new shipment of merchandise and leo just randomly appears in the window, feathered duster in hand, april smiles and puts on water for tea and casey teases him and throws him a broom instead without blinking. because that's just how leo is.

the thing is, leo is one of those people who have such a strong presence that -- as long as he's not trying to hide it, of course -- you know he's there because he carries such an atmosphere with him. on the other hand, leonardo is the type of person who is genuinely content to just be in the background. which may sound totally at odds with the whole leader schtick, but i think it's just kind of this duality he has: he can be both at the forefront and in the background, depending on the situation and what is needed from him. does this mean he doesn't have his own hobbies or interests? of course not! but even canonically, throughout the series leo is shown to be just as happy with his hands off the reins so long as there's not a mission in front of him. and i think it's precisely this lack of that constant need for control that shows just how whole and rich leo's inner life is, how he feels full and complete without his leadership/big brother role completely defining him, and how season 4 rips that carpet from under his feet to show the unhealthy side of that particular coin.

so as much as a cop-out answer it may sound like -- i think that leo just enjoys doing things with his brothers. he likes rooftop runs with them. he likes pizza and cards with them. he likes movies, sports, and games with them. but he's also his own person, and he enjoys being in his head, and he has hobbies that help him make his head a healthy place to be; his family absolutely respects that quality, and leonardo is a much more well adjusted person for it.

er.... i didn't really get into quirks or bad habits, but this has run really long already and it's getting late, lmao. so i think i will stop here for now. =w= thank you for letting me ramble again about my blue boy, anon; i know i'm slow, but hopefully i rambled enough to make up for it!

[kenmaiii]

stop being jealous and bitter!

Now i know you cant outright just throw away your jealousy in the art community. You see a really cool popular artist or just someone with absolutely amzing art and you think “wow holy shit their art is so good i wish that was me and that i could do that....” I understand that spite can be a good thing sometimes; it can be what motivates you to improve and do well, especially if the artist is well... not the best person in terms of personality. Great, that’s even more motivation to do well right!? 

But when does all the comparing go too far?

----------------------------------------long post incoming------------------------------------------

Now i’ve had people very close to me do this. I’ve been told that im ‘popular’ which im honestly not seriously. They could probably be reading this right now, but this has been bothering me for awhile so i must get this out there. Let’s step into a certain mindset for a moment:-

You hate your artwork. You hate your current skills. Sure there are artists you like. But then there are ‘THOSE’ ones. You have very specific artists you follow just because theyre so good and popular they make you feel bitter and you still check up on them regularly to fuel that bitterness. You know good and well that they make you bitter and angry and peeved but you just keep going back.

Step back for a moment and think.... why on earth am i fucking doing this???? Comparing and feeling bitter about another persons skill or popularity and letting yourself stay sad and bitter isn’t good for ANYTHING, art aside. It’s good to want to feel validated at the work you spent time on but it WILL get tiring if you keep complaining that ‘your art is bad’, ‘your art isnt good’, ‘its shit’ or ‘garbage’. Your brain is just internalizing that and hindering your work and future improvement. It’s most importantly WASTING YOUR own time, YOU the creator. And not to sound snobby here, i really truly dont intend for that, but some of you know good and well that you keep belitting you work because you only just want people to compliment your art when youre only doing the bare minimum to improve! I can only tell you as a friend or an on-looker that i love your art so many times (as much i really do love it and hope for your improvement) if you continuously decide to still turn around and say you hate your work and tell me im wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why reach for compliments then! Why continuously turn them down?

And i’m not saying you cant ever not like your art (cause it happens) or decline a compliment, but to do it every single time....it leaves a bad image for your work. You either start to believe it, or the person complimenting you will get put off from your negativity!  

It makes people feel bad, especially if theyre also artist AND also your friends. You can’t keep saying you prefer their work and still put down your own. It makes your artist friend uncomfortable. They might not know how to respond when you keep doing it. And im sure they wouldnt want you to keep making yourself feel bad. Personally, i wish all my art friends success and improvement, and i want them to love and feel proud of their work more than the times they hate it. We really need to uplift each other as artists.

Thanks.

What you think and say is what you become and if youre always negative and comparing youre gonna tear down both the person you admire and yourself. Ie, if youre constantly thinking ‘ill never be as good as this person’,’no ones ever gonna like my work’, ‘i cant color as well as they do’ or saying that your work is only ever garbage... newsflash asshole! your mind absorbs that negativity and makes you believe it! u fool!!!!! Because brains are stupid and can be your worst enemy at times! 

Sometimes you just need to stOP looking at certain peoples work completely if it gets you that bitter or angry or sad. Unfollow them! Block them! Delete their name from your search history if you have to! Stop hurting yourself and forget about them, it’s like trying to think about an ex thats moved on. Pointless.

Negative emotions such as sadness and anger are our brains direct ways at trying to reach out to ourselves.

You: seeing cool art Your mind: remembering you dont have some of those skills or popularity + comparing = sadness/ anger/ bitterness at not being able to be at that lvl withtin the same timeframe or less

Your brain is trying to tell you to fix this! But you know you might not have the tools to gain that much popularity or become so good at anatomy, coloring , compositions or backgrounds overnight, so the only solution for your brain is to self-sabotage.

It’s just the same as suddenly feeling sad for no reason. It’s your mind trying to work out a problem you never resolved. Maybe your friends haven’t replied in awhile and you feel ignored. Or you subconsciously remembered a bad experience without really realizing. You’ll get sad. Your mind is is saying ‘Hey asshole im sad. I know it might be out of your control but I’ll stay sad about this one thing until you resolve it somehow. ’ (whether it be blindly distracting yourself on purpose or fully wallowing in the feelings)

So we realized youre feeling intensely about this persons work vs your own...then what exactly happened there? The answer is pretty simple. Some kind of information processing happened in your brain. The result of this processing made the your mind conclude that one of your existing problems (art in this case) can never be solved; whether conscious or unconscious, and this explains why your mood might change all of a sudden without any kind of warning signs (in relation to what you saw). 

Inspired VS Jealousy When youre inspired youre working against yourself in a GOOD way. You’re feeling motivated to make something great! Youre feeling motivated to make something better than the last piece!! And honestly thats wonderful!!!  That is a lot nicer than being in art-block, comparison negativity hell.

YOU are the only one responsible for where you are as an artist. That goes towards every artist of every skill level! There’s always someone better than you and there’s always someone worse than you. People get better at art in different intervals depending on how much they take in or put into practicing. Some people just get some concepts and fundamentals a lot easier and quicker than others but that doesn’t mean they naturally had that ability from birth. They put in the work just as you should be doing instead of feeling so intensely negative! But when you’re jealous and negative all the time, that’s when it starts to go downhill. :/

Jealously is a very human emotion at its core. And im not saying its super easy to deal with and just suddenly get over, but there are things you can do to slowly help yourself do it at least a little less.

Here’s the best things you CAN do instead:- - Write down some of the things you find yourself feeling bitter over about, especially when you look at another artists work? Ask yourself why these specific things? If it’s something you yourself can work on in your own pieces then maybe uh do that?  - Find the time to practice your work. - Practice even more. - If it’s your style that you arent happy with think of the artstyles you like and set aside time to mimic the way that artist might draw something (hence adding that to YOUR style). Take a sketchbook page or two and just draw entirely in those styles. - Practice. I can’t stress this enough. I know artists say this a lot and it can kind of just be thrown around carelessly, but if you keep putting this off and saying you don’t want to practice or talking about how time is going by when you should be practicing things.... and STILL refuse to practice then???? I cant help you sorry. Time waits for no one, so sometimes you need to grab time by the horns and kick its ass for awhile. Put in that effort! - Please use references. Even better if you use it nearly EVERYTIME you draw something, especially yknow...if its a pose, body part or background that you know you have no idea how to properly express! Find a stock image or a variety of websites to use! Save poses that you like from online magazines, other artists and photographs you see anywhere online. I like to look at online magazines from other countries or photographers, and there are tons of places like pinterest or instagram and whatnot. - Stop comparing and being bitter. Ii cant say this enough it gets me so ticked off, but my stubborn taurus self refuses to fully go off until it all piles up and this post is the result lol. If you know you can’t let go hating on a certain artist (for no good reason) then dont hate-follow them! Don’t check up on their work constantly! Don’t even talk about them!!!!!!! Try to get them out of your head for goodness sakes. Majority of the time they dont even know who YOU are so why are you worried about what they’re up to. - STOP SHITTING ON YOUR OWN WORK. - STOP IT RIGHT NOW. - AS THE ARTIST SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO FORCE YOURSELF TO SAY ‘’hey, my work isn’t exactly where i want it to be at this point in time and it may never be but i can appreciate that i’ve gotten better at a lot of things and im better than where i was a few years/ a year/ a month ago/ even weeks ago.” - ”I’m proud of this piece and can’t wait to get even better.” - Art is a struggle that takes time, effort and a lot of work. There’s always going to be someone better than you and there’s always going to be someone worse than you. You can only strive to get to the level that would make you happiest, otherwise you will get irritated with it and feel absolutely miserable about everything you produce. - PUT IN THE WORK TO GET YOUR ART OUT THERE. Social media has been both a curse and a blessing to artists all around. It’s made it easier for us to share our work around and opened paths for making money online and at home and connecting with other artists, but competition grows everyday as more people post their work in the same market. (ie another reason why it can be hard to get your commissions out there) Also as artists we want that dopamine rush you get from people liking your stuff, i get that its gucci. -But if you aren’t tagging your works well, posting somewhat consistently, not really bothering to talk to people in certain art communities (even people in your fandom because hey potential friends and even partners on future projects), not adding your works to groups (a big problem i see with people on places like deviantart mostly), joining and sharing them in art group chats/aminos/discords, joining events to get yourself out there (such as zines/big bangs/gift exchanges etc), giving tips and advice or even little helpful tutorials to people then how do you expect to be noticed? How.  If youre not doing at least TWO of these things then hoW can you complain about not getting attention. :(

 Of course you dont have to do ALL of this. Im just saying ...if you arent out there advertising how will more people know about you? This leads to you thinking no one likes your art (skill level excluded because even my cringiest old art would have a few comments or encouragements to see my future improvement, and i still want to hide when people like/comment/reblog said old art to this very day). 

I understand mainly OC artists feel this way that no ones gonna like their characters, or it just doesnt get reblogged enough in general but thats understandable too. No one is ‘selling out’ if they only do fanart. No one is ‘snobby or scared to get themselves out there’ if theyre really enthusiastic about their stories and worlds. Otherwise we wouldnt have fandoms int he first place, theyre all someones work. And hell, good for you if you draw both. It really is just a matter of how you put yourself out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’ll take some time but there IS always someone out there that likes your stuff. And sometimes you just have to be content with making work for yourself, work that makes you happy. The online art world is tough especially when youre small but once you fall into the depths of bitterness its hard to rewire your mind...

This is how yall should be looking at your/others work majority of the time: You: seeing cool art  Your mind: omg thats beautiful! i wish i could draw and paint like that. i should practice more , try out some poses and anatomy or implement what they do into my work. i wanna make a cool ass piece like this too i feel so pumped to draw and work!! 

And that’s that! Do yourself a favor and be happier you bastards! Its tiring being negative and sad all the time and i want tf out of it. Its so very tiring and annoying to be sad and bitter as shit!!!!! My goD

I can’t really think of anything else to add to this and the text may appear angry sometimes as i was very heated when i wrote this but tried to tone it down a lot hfkds. Im not some ‘art guru goddess with supreme skill uwuw’ but advice is advice! It’s always up to the person listening to take it or not.

I’m gonna end this with one of my favorite art quotes of all time from t h e Arin Hanson himself. Because it really is true. 

Get yourself out there, practice towards a level that makes you content and try to have more fun with loving your work.

It’s taken me a long while to post this, as i’ve been feeling this way for...at least a couple months??? but i finally put it all out there i just needed to do this lol.  Sorry if i mightve repeated info sometimes here and there?

This post is just as much of a call out to my own actions but more so @ those of you that specifically do this! 

[p101recaps]

Broduce 101: Episode 9 (Quick Livestream Recap)

Firstly, I want to apologise for the lateness of this recap. I’ll try to be more timely for the remaining two episodes, I’m sorry.

This episode is all about the concept evaluations and the live performances for the next eliminations.

We start off in the Produce prison mansion, where BoA visits the waiting trainees. They’re always a bit starstruck with her lol

She reminds them this is the last elims before final 11, casts a degree of doubt about whether the cut off will be the top 22 ranks, then explains the voting system and benefits.

Although at this stage, these godawful live voting stages are increasingly important for the rankings, they continue to be stupid and easily manipulated in favour of the popular trainees regardless of their performances. I know this is supposed to be a true reality show or whatever, but the idea of giving a young audience more organised than Mnet so much power gives me a stress headache.

Anyway. The team that gets the most votes for their performance gets a 20,000 vote benefit and the trainee with the most votes gets a 100,000 vote benefit. The team with the most votes gets to perform at M!Countdown.

Each song has to have 7 members, and since Mnet’s crappy planning meant the trainees got split into teams before elims, they have to be reshuffled so every song has the same number of performers. 

In true Lord of the Flies fashion, the boys have the privilege of kicking out their own teammate by ranking their group from first to last. This means a chunk of them have spent a week rehearsing for a song they won’t perform 

The teams short of members pick from those trainees in order of highest ranking. Open, which has the most missing members has Kang Daniel pick first, followed by Showtime’s Yoon Jisung and finally I Know You Know Kim Taedong.

The kids from Oh Little Girl and Never get together to beg appeal to not be kicked out from their song

Never has Haknyeon saying he’ll work hard to keep his spot and not hold back the team

Minhyun says, flatly, ‘Yes. Hwaiting.’ 

Dead.

Most of them want to vote themselves as best to help their odds lol

Yoo Seonho, who is self aware: I don’t want to be first, I just want to be 7th. No wait. 6th? I should be confident.

Open has lost most of their team. They went from having Kim Seonglee to not having any main vocals to carry the song. They retained Baekho and Yongguk, so still not too shabby. 

Sidenote: Little Lee Woojin is so smol amongst his hyungs with that little yellow beanie. 

Oh Little Girl keeps their visuals and token singers Sewoon and Gunhee, which is smart considering how average the song is. They’ll need their fanvotes to win the Mnet performance so they kick out Moonbok. 

Sacrilege but c’est la vie.

Never retains their strengths with a good mix of popular and talented boys. This group had way too many competent trainees so it was a closer battle, I reckon. Emperor Hwang Minhyun’s picks in almost the exact order stay. 

Sungwoon and Lai Guanlin tie for 7th, and the top 6 vote between the two.

It ends with Sungwoon joining Seonho, Haknyeon, Youngmin for the cast out kids.

He’s embarrassed because he’s efficient and skilled but I’m significantly more bitter. As much as I like Guanlin, this is a bit disrespectful for someone like Sungwoon, who’s literally known for having everything but height. Even though Never doesn’t need too many vocally adept trainees, it’s the bandwagon song and therefore likely to have public appeal.

He’s cute though, straight up pandering to the Open team when they have to pick their new members by singing the song.

Open picks up Im Youngmin, Seonho and Hakneyon leaving Moonbok and Sungwoon for the next team.

Disrespectful, straight up.

Showtime has Yoon Jisung doing a startlingly accurate impression of Daniel before they chose Sungwoon for the high pitched vocals. 

Moonbok makes his way to IKYK’s practice room to join the underdogs, who’re excited to see Pocahontas hyung.

Oh Little Girl has a mournful bgm at rehearsals as they have to decide on final positions after eliminations. 

Minki has to work to secure broadcast minutes that Mnet has carefully avoided giving him by trying out for centre, and his teammates vote him in place, unseating Jihoon. 

Main vocal has Gunhee and Sewoon battling it out for the position. They’re both good choices - the demo singer even sounded like Sewoon, who hasn’t been main vocal even once despite strengthening the background vocals every mission. The team does pick Sewoon this time, fortunately.

Bae Jinyoung wants to be sub-vocal, and is worried about his falling rank. He’s not ambitious enough to try to be main vocal at least, but those vocal techniques confuse me with that inherent smooth tone. The kid is young, and can be easily improved though, maybe a few months of SM styled vocal boot camp?

Showtime has a still (rightly) pouty Sungwoon want to be centre in his new team. His whole team laughs, with co-HOTSHOT member Noh Taehyun cackling particularly loudly at his sheepish announcement. 

Auntie Jisung references Jessi from Unpretty Rapstar, yelling, ‘THIS IS COMPETITION,’ and pinches his nose bridge like the drama queen he is.

Centre nominees try the guitar stringing ‘killing part’ to appeal for the spot and Brave’s Samuel wins the spot. 

Sungwoon tries stealing the sticker out of sheer desperation OTL

Ah, I don’t like the song so much but this group has so many of my faves.

They actually start rehearsing and come to a realisation.

Noh Taehyun: The centre needs to be able to sing well too.

Kim Samuel, who is an extremely competent dancer by anyone’s standards, can’t sing above his speaking range. Again, easily fixed by a year or two of concentrated training. He’s only sixteen and his voice must have dropped like a summer ago

IKYK’s Kwon Hyunbin wants to be leader. The team votes him in over BNM Donhyun and he does Auntie Jisung’s clapping in celebration

Mnet, how many kids are you going to give the Sohye edit, this is getting out of fucking control.

Picking centre is particularly sad with most of the contenders well aware they’re going to be eliminated. They vote Taedong in, displacing poor Donghan.

Open team has Kenta, Seonho and Haknyeon do expression acting to appeal for centre. Kenta pulls a face to loosen his facial muscles before trying, and is embarrassed although he’s not bad. Haknyeon is good too.

Seonho can’t hit the notes and tries a vocal trick Shin Yumi taught the kids. This sort of stuff about the Cube chicks impresses me because they’ve really absorbed every learning opportunity on this show like sponges. They’re still far from debut ready and I wouldn’t want them to debut in BOI over the older trainees but it appeals to my Asian sensibilities to see them working hard if nothing else.

Baekho: You can’t ask someone to press down on your forehead on stage.

So it comes down to Jeju pig boy and Japanese puppy. 

Joo Haknyeon gets voted as centre and then struggles with everything. 

Pledis Dongho gets GodJonghyun edit, practicing with the kid to help him improve. He points out that Haknyeon’s confidence is far from being at par with his skill level.

Never team votes Emperor Hwang as centre over Guanlin. Not shocking, considering the difference in ability. 

Ong-ssi hits the nail on the head as always as they practice, pointing out that they don’t really have to deal with shuffling and learning of the song so rehearsals are smooth and quick. It also helps that most of them are highly competent.

There’s a bit about Ong Sungwoo being Mnet’s human slate. Cute. 

Also cute is Brand New Music’s Park Woojin finally being comfortable enough to be the kid he is, surrounded by hyungs. I found a subbed cut, which you can see here because I can’t do justice to this positive filler bit that I would be happy to see more of @mnet. 

Important takeaway - Sweet puppy Park Woojin and gang are being taught variety by Ong-ssi

Final concept performance day!

Far out, look at the bank the show is making with those crowds. Girls are easily the backbone of capitalism. It’s amazing considering how much effort the industry puts into putting women down.

Anyway, kpop legend tiny Queen BoA looks fire emoji in her red pantsuit.

Aw seeing the eliminated trainees always makes my soul ache. 

The composers are attending too. You gotta have all those unnecessary reaction shots am I right ha ha HA

The composers visit during rehearsals for a check in. Not many women there either lol Hashtag bitter female tears

Showtime gets primarily positive reactions at the check in. They have high energy while performing which suits the song’s up tempo disco vibe. Samuel’s vocal get a boost because his voice doesn’t waver.

The team’s live performance is enjoyable. The average skill ability in this group of trainees is also rather high. It looks very polished, and they all look like they’re enjoying the stage, which always makes me happy to see. 

Sanggyun, who receives his usual amount of absolutely no screentime, is memorable in my opinion. So handsome.

The choreo is fun more than complicated. Easy standouts are Auntie Jisung dancing Pick Me and the inclusion of RBW puppy Dongmyung’s warming up limb flapping dance. Samuel does well with the dance break, the Ardor and Able trainees remain excellent performers as always.

They all keep calling it their possible last stage and Auntie Jisung looks like he’s going to cry again. It hurts because it could be true. 

Probably the shortest screentime for the group with my personal faves. Deeply grateful as always, Mnet.

Next up is my top song pick for Concept evals, I Know You Know.

Their wardrobes are particularly pretty. Thank you stylists for Moonbok’s look.

At check in with the composers, they get a bit of shake down because of their lack lustre initial performance. I’m not surprised because Joombas is really high profile, someone who works with famous singers. The team has competent but not excellent trainees. 

Hyunbin’s been getting a good edit as he makes up for the effort for the first evals where Mnet basically shoved him off a cliff, with a GodJonghyun inspired leader attitude. 

It’s a bit annoying because good god don’t we have enough Brohyes. 

Still, I’d rather this than kids being thrown sacrificed to the netizen flames.

Product placement.

The final performance is good. Kim Yehyun’s voice wavers out of place at parts but sweet boy Seo Sunghyuk is unexpectedly very stable considering the very energetic choreo. Donghyun, Donghan and Taedong remain reassuringly good and completely ignored. Hyunbin’s voice doesn’t sound as out of place as it did last mission while Moonbok proves he’s capable of idol rap with his smooth delivery. The choreo is exhausting but none of their voices are strained (they also probably have their studio recorded tracks playing so this may not be a matter of skill)

Open is next up, with the boys looking unreasonably good in their black suits. 

Well, Daniel, Dongho and Kenta anyway. I take a minute to pray to the wardrobe team again. I’m not a Daniel fan in particular but my word, the boy looks fine. 

Haknyeon messes up with typical Mnet camera focus at pre-performance check in. The composers can’t even pick one standout trainee.

The team convene to re-discuss centre with Haknyeon not being about to live up to his desire and confidence. Again, lack of training and age comes into play here, but wanting to take on things he can’t handle yet is not helping him.

Center swaps to Kim Yongguk, who doesn’t even get a clear shot of his face for the occasion.

Haknyeon gets Sexy Bandit’s thumbs up of approval at recording, after working hard for his second consecutive redemption arc. 

It could be the editing, but Daniel hasn’t been a very effective leader this mission either.

Product placement.

They come to check out the stage during dress rehearsal with the bed and slick set.

Kenta: It’s rather adult (as far as I know, the word can mean dirty or sexy depending on context but I think adult sounds appropriate here).

I agree. Seonho’s too young for this one. 

With the song and choreo being handed to them being what it is, this performance was looking to be one of my more anticipated ones, but the boys do a great job too. Daniel comes off more as centre than Yongguk but I can’t fault him because he does a really good job. Kenta is a visual standout too

It could be the editing, but Yongguk fades among the others although he keeps up well enough. Seonho’s vocals are satisfactory considering where he started out, there are bits where his dancing is still slightly awkward though. Same with Haknyeon, which is strange because I thought that was his strongest field. He’s visibly out of sync at times, even to my tired eyes. Maybe he doesn’t practice to beats, because he had the same issue in Right Round

This may be Sexy Bandit Pledis Baekho’s stage though. He’s beyond reproach. I’d call him oppa if he wanted me to.

They get an encore chant!

Fully deserved, because both the song and their performance of it was debut group level.

Oh Little Girl next

A lot of visual hype kids here. Costumes are terrible though, bits and pieces from earlier performances and maybe Park Jihoon’s personal closet?

That song name though....

Jihoon does the aegyo I’ve seen from the cute Monsta X rapper. It’s cringey on him too.

At performance check in, the producers acknowledge that the song may well have been tailored to Sewoon. Bae Jinyoung makes a few mistakes though.

Cue mournful music and cuts of his confidence issues.

Sewoon helps him practice and he’s better at recording. Kids like this usually are. He definitely could be a competent idol singer if someone gives him focused help. 

In the practice rooms, Minki has some issues while rehearsing, and there’s friction between him and the younger kids. Jihoon leaves the room with a door slam that freezes the others, and they have to gather to talk because Jihoon feels like Minki is upset with him. 

This time Minki slams the door behind him as he exits.

Sewoon is getting visibly worked up at this conflict.

Is Mnet finally getting genuine drama footage without manipulative editing? 

No. It’s another one of those birthday camera pranks that Korean variety producers still think are entertaining. 

Gunhee comes in with a cake and you can see the tension melt out of Jihoon’s face and he smiles the most genuine smile I’ve seen since his first time ranking first. 

Lol Sewoon thinks the cake’s just for Jihoon and starts clapping until the trainees sing his name too. Cute.

Minki does his shoulder expanding thing for dress rehearsals at coach Shin Yumi’s request. Sewoon gets well deserved praise for his vocals and Bae Jinyoung gets his confidence boost since this is probably his team mission individual edit for the season.

The final performance is cute, easily carried vocally by Sewoon and Gunhee. The others are also good, no visible mistakes. The song is still rather average, the choreo elevated by the boys performing it. They’re all adorable, their good looks helping save the tragic outfits. Minki was an appropriate centre. Hyungseob pulled out a rose out of nowhere mid performance, which seems perfectly in character for the kid.

I wouldn’t seek the song out to listen to, it’s one of those throwaway b-sides on mini albums, but watching it this one time was really fun. This truly was Sewoon’s performance, it fit him well.

Kahi: Ai, cute~

Pretty much.

We get to the final performance, Never.

Hyuna visits the team to cheer them up at rehearsals and the boys are instantly distracted at the sight of her. Minhyun keeps practising while the boys start to greet, but later reassures the camera that he was excited too. 

He’s probably seen all of SNSD and other prolific girl groups while promoting the last few years, it makes sense for him to be less fazed. He’s also from the company that (miraculously still) houses Nana.

But its Hyuna. 

Meanwhile, the trainees outside gather outside, pressing their faces to the glass door to stare at Hyuna. 

Baby chick Seonho: Oh, they’re from our company! :D

She turns to look at them and they almost faint in excitement. She cutely greets them as she exits, leaving behind an echo of longing sighs as she tends to do

At check in with all the composers, they do well enough. Kenta in particular is appreciative. A lot of trainees proceed to hype them up.

There’s something awkward about the blond Pentagon kid talking like an authority in front of the Nu’est members. I’m not the kind to go in for hierarchy over achievement but I’d be annoyed, like who are you brat lol

They go to visit Cube, and see Guanlin’s untidy locker with his Korean books 

AND THE EPISODE HIGHLIGHT

THE CUBE CHICKS WERE ORIGINALLY GOING TO AUDITION FOR P101 WITH TROUBLEMAKER

Why didn’t they? I loved it! I’d have rooted for them earlier on!

Guanlin’s excited to practice a routine that requires skills he didn’t have earlier, at his company with his hyungs, who coo at him. 

Every time Hyuna says something nice at studio recording, the boys flush with happiness. 

Daehwi’s smile spilts his face when she praises his tone

The words “Guanlin sounds like a native Korean” are said, which make my eyes roll out of my head. I’ve said multiple times I love how much the chicks improved and it’s clear that Guanlin is finding his groove as a trainee, but let’s not exaggerate because he’s handsome. It is, however, true that his words are getting clearer and less obviously accented.

Jaehwanie can rap too! I look forward to seeing him get signed to a good company after this (@Starship, you don’t have any worthy female groups anymore so you might as well add to your male talents)

Park Woojin’s rapping is really good but he can’t sigh?? It’s endearing too. He re-tries at his interview. A true cutie. I hope he recovers quickly and gets to debut. This episode has made me triply fond of him.

The final performance begins after this extreme hyping and screentime allocation.

Three seconds in, Sunghyuk, calmly: It’s over (for us).

I’ve said multiple times I don’t like the song (I still can’t remember it as being anything special and the fuss around it makes me resent EDM even more), but I can admit that the performance was great. The collection of talent and visuals make the choreo work smoothly, a stage that could easily be an M!Countdown performance. Jaehwan and Woojin were particularly spectacular, specially considering that Woojin was ill. Daehwi and Minhyun deliver, as always. 

The only negatives I have are that the while the costumes looked nice, they seemed ill suited to the concept and not the colours you usually see on broadcast performances. Beige? Come on. How do you work lighting for something like that? Green or a dark red would have been so nice.

We see a shot of Mnet staff counting the votes. Don’t worry, we don’t suspect you of anything here, Mnet. I’m blaming the live audience. 

The results bring over the sheer shameless fuckery of the last mission. 

5. I Know You Know 83 (Did I not call this?)

4. Showtime 135

3. Oh Little Girl 398

Totally warranted considering the number of popular trainees in each team.

BoA references Ong-ssi’s hyperbole speech when asking about his chances about winning, and he uses every single adjective again to express his confidence about his team placing first.

She then asks Baekho, and he one ups Ong-ssi by adding the Japanese adjective for ‘very’ (cut to Kenta laughing) as well as the Mandarin.

2. Never 443 1. Open 552 

So there is some sort of fairness in the world! Thank you, good lord in heaven!

....female fans really like sexy concepts. 

Kenta and Seonho’s handsome faces reach new levels of meme

Daniel is stunned. Getting banned from Never was an act of god for him and his fans.

Nation’s Leader Angel GodJonghyun makes an appropriately congratulatory comment.

Live vote rankings without benefits for individual trainee rankings are below:

Unrevealed

Maroo Park Jihoon

Brand New Music Park Woojin

Pledis Hwang Minhyun

C9 Bae Jinyoung

Unrevealed

Cre.Ker Joo Haknyeon

Brand New Music Lee Daehwi

CUBE Yoo Seonho

Chun Kim Yongguk

Brand New Music Im Youngmin

Next week, feel good fillers and third eliminations before heading into finale for top 11! Man, is this nonsense getting increasingly, unpredictably intense. 

[dhcucneiwuchf]

I have a moral compass formed completely around my own experiences but I genuinely think this law is applicable to anyone in a similar situation

intentionally ghosting someone is morally right if the person in question is manipulative

in my experience if someone is manipulative in any capacity, even if you stop to explain why you need things your way (space, time alone, something not in the aggressors benefit) they will 100% of the time twist it to be about them

I am friends with this chad and he had manipulative tendencies when we first began being friends and I would call him out on it

for example I said to him in passing oh I wanna see Honey Boy 

and then like a week later he’s like oh im getting tickets for honey boy do you wanna come

I said no im busy and ill just wait for it to come out on prime

hes like oK you Just Said You Wanted to See It Though....

I was like okay I changed my mind, I am  not spending on these freaking trivialities if I can save the got damn money ffs, I am not working so I don’t have expendable income, I don’t have the time, etc

hes like okay BUT you Just SAID you WANTED to see it

and I was like full stop you're being manipulative and don’t think im going to fall for it. even if I said with no excuses, no, im not interested, it means no im not interested flat

and he got mad at me like HMPH if a person doesn’t know they're being manipulative its not your place to be mad about it

im like yes it is, I can completely be mad at you for intentionally or unintentionally manipulating me, you don’t get to decide which emotions I should and shouldn’t feel, this is also crazy manipulative

after like 5 min hes like im sorry I was wrong

this happened like 3-5 more times like he'd do something manipulative and id be like stop. he'd minority contest and then succeed. but after a while I was like okay you’re a big boy you can be critical of your actions it is emotionally exhausting to have someone 1) actively trying to manipulative me to doing shit i don’t want to do, I'm not a teenager anymore, you can’t do this to me 2) having to explain to an adult man that their actions are clearly controlling 3) having, after I explain this is manipulative, to have to deal with someone being defensive over me setting boundaries and calmly saying “hey im not cool with you doing that, stop”

I cannot picture a scenario when someone is like Adriana I dont like when you consciously and continuously do this act of aggression on me and me contesting them in anyway, I cannot think of a mentally sound reason to do this, its super odious thing to do and beyond that why are you so comfortable being mean

anyways so I just stopped calling him out on it and he would continually do it like when I didn't wanna hang out w him, I wanted to stay in and read he was like “oh loser? alone all day? staying inside? never doing anything” and I was like yeah. yeah. ok? and?? like???? and???? 

then later when I'm like im a home body I don’t like do go out that much 

hes like oh yeah me too

ok??????? 

when I was like I dont wanna hang out I just feel like being alone right now 

hes like oh yeah??? loser???? never wanting to socialize or experience anything???

I was like no I just don’t want to be around people right now I just want to decompress and stay at home and be alone and watch a movie in my own company 

again later hes like oh yea I love being alone  (?????)

anyways last last Wednesday we were supposed to hang out and I just didn’t. like I just didn’t call him or text or anything. 

my sister asked him in passing if he wanted to come to brunch with her and I and he was like yes and hes been bothering me about it and I was like okay im really busy, im taking 6 heavy courses instead of 4, people in my class who just have 4 courses are struggling because the 3 core classes are so heavy and are excellerating, I have to conduct 6 interviews with video and audio at a location far from home in 3 weeks and I have to make it into an interactive article using HTML so I have to 1. find the people within a specific assigned area 2. make them willing to do this project w me for no pay - essentially intruding on a business fo no money (this is insanely hard and 3/4 of my class are having extreme trouble finding people who want to do this) 3. do audio interview and then master adobe audition in 3 days to edit it 4. do video and again master premiere pro in 3 days and edit it 5, figure out html and how to embed this stuff into an online interactive article 6. make infographics that are interactive and embed them too 7. write a really personal and emotional 3000 word article on this business, the owners/managers and their customers

this is the course load for 2 courses

for another one I have to make a documentary pitch with a group so I have to find budget costs of everything including real people’s salaries and real rental prices, then write out 2000 words that is the pitch

then for the other three I have 3 midterms and 3 papers

and I told him this like I told him im fucking busy and hes like you’re not that busy you can make time we can go to brunch 

and I was like no. you do not understand. I do not have the time. I literally do not have a spare hour. 

and he was like yeah right, you can make time you just dont want to 

and I was like okay. thats it!

so anyways we were supposed to hang out but I had all this stuff to do and then my aunt in New Brunswick got really grim news that she has an extremely developed cancer and a week to live. like literally right out of a party question she has a week to live and my mom was very depressed about it. I really didn't want to leave home 

anyways so I just didn't contact him 

and then the next day I felt really guilty and I apologized and asked to see this dumb script he wrote

hes like ok thats not what I wanted to do but whatever

and I wanted to be like dude do you not give a fuck about what I wanted to do at all.......

anyways he sent it and I apologized again

and hes like whatever

not to be whatever but its always pissed me off when someone is profusely apologetic and the other person purposely doesn't either forgive them or at least accept their apology when the issue is minor. like since I was a kid this read as manipulative to me. because its like oh you hurt me, to make it up to me you have to do x. anyways again I was like okay im done. if you’re going to try that shit on me - and I know he will if I spoke to him - I am just not going to talk 

if you're going to turn anything I say literally anything into some kind of emotional warfare where you always have to get your way I will not spend time with or on you

I told him about aunt he was like oh be there for mom whatever

I dont talk to him for a week and then he texts me like how u feeling 

im like eh ok

hes like can I send you a letter? its kinda dark. dont know if this is the right time

like either sounding like its a suicide note or a ???? hate letter or something some bullshit I do not want to read I don’t really care. I wanted to be like are u fucking dense? are you this self absorbed????? you know im going through stress of my own and im having trouble carrying my own weight and you insist on making it about you????????????????? FUCK off 

so I don’t reply. not to be Rashida about this but I am not checking for you like that. I think this reads as cruel but I feel this kind of person would use suicide to be manipulative more than they would to talk about feelings, and beyond that its really not my cross to bear, you are a big boy, you have money, you can go to a therapist, you have other friends, you are close with your parents, (he had for months also bragged about how confident, secure, and emotionally advanced and happy he was so I don’t think its that). 

and then today hes like wyd tomorrow

and I dont reply

and then at like 1230 when im sleeping he calls me and I don’t reply

not to be whatever but I dont want to talk to him it is emotionally exhausting. I am carrying the whole conversation. I dont like the questions he asks me and he roasts way WAY WAY too much. like anything I do he makes fun of. literally I will like eat and hell make fun of it ill cross the street hell make fun of it it ill stretch my eye hell make fun of it but if I say anything back he gets pissed off. on top of that none of his roasts or teases are funny? I went out with my sister and him and she was like yeah hes not funny and it doesn't come across as cute or even that he likes you its fully cruel and hard to watch. none of his jokes are funny! hes really obnoxious!!!! I have to fake laug the whole time I hate it 

anyways im just going to ghost. if I was “healthy” and “right” and didn’t ghost him, even If I said to him “hey sorry, honestly, you’ve been pissing me off I didn’t really want to talk” (this is valid sorry but it is a valid reason to not talk to someone. it is valid to not want to tell someone you annoy me and I dont want to talk. I dont have to explain this at all) “I've also been insanely busy and I didn’t have time to respond or hang out and it didn’t really cross my mind to message you”

hed flat out turn it completely like

why didn't you tell me you were pissing me off? because I did tell you and you didn't stop. why didn't you keep telling me? because its emotionally tiring and It wasn’t leading anywhere, you just kept doing it. okay so? you should have told me so I can improve? ok well its not my obligation to improve you, im not your mom and you’re in your twenties I am not your babysitter. okay well if you were my friend then you would help me, but I guess your not my friend, you are a bad person(continually making me feel guilty or bad and thus arm twisting me into being his friend when I clearly dont want that) you made room for other people to be manipulative with you, but when I am its not cool? guess you just weren’t really a good friend after all. smh you’re a flop like everyone else

like id be like yeah bitch guess the fuck I am!

I truly dont care if you think that at all homie like I truly do not give a f u c k 

then 

oh you weren't really busy you could've made time? no I couldn't have like I literally could not you would not know, you hardly passed high school and have no work ethic at all, you regularly show up to class, meetings, and work a half hour to an hour late and go through the motions. ok well you could've made time, nobody is that busy? no offence but you think nobody is that busy because your parents work odd jobs and your sister also did poorly in high school and worked odd jobs, shes in university away from home and you have no friends in a legitimate institution so you have never witnessed anyone in your life working hard

but I wouldn't say that it would all lead to a maze of him twisting everything to get his way instead of just accepting he is wrong and I don’t want to spend time with someone who is like this anymore

none of my other friends are manipulative like this