#sorry if this seems like overexplained. i am autistic. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shroudedhero · 4 years ago

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Mobile Friendly Rules

Since I did it for Kurai’s info, here’s the rules (the updated ones)

THESE ARE JUST A FEW GENERAL THINGS I FEEL ARE IMPORTANT TO BE ADDRESSED BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, SO PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ THEM.

I know they seem long but some of it is also just information I thought was important for you to know before interacting with me. NOTE: THERE IS A PASSWORD FOR THIS BLOG DUE TO SEVERAL PAST BAD EXPERIENCES WITH UNTAGGED TRIGGERS (and it is the ONLY reason I have a password. I won’t throw a fit if you don’t send it, but I do usually feel more comfortable if you do).

Also another small, but extremely important note beforehand: Due to my autism, I tend to try to be extra clear (but also sometimes manage to be less clear in the process), or in my head it is clear, but to other people, it comes across entirely differently, but I’ve been informed this makes my rules sometimes come across as more aggressive, exclusionary, or mean. So I will say this now. I am actually a MASSIVE fluffball. Quite literally. The tone they come across is mainly due to overexplaining however I have tried to edit them and have yet to find a way to redefine my rules in better wording that I am happy with and that feels like it covers everything while actually being properly clear (but whenever I finally think of the right wording, I usually update my rules). So just approach them with the knowledge I am actually legitimately a sweetheart and my brain just sucks at actually wording stuff.

If you followed me over here when I moved Kurai’s BNHA verse to this blog, I removed and edited a couple of rules so please read through them again.

- ★ First and most important thing is that the mun has a very serious cannibalism trigger, which includes ANY form of people being eaten (including animals or monsters or any such other creatures eating people). (Excluding vampires, as that doesn’t typically involve the eating of human flesh, and rather simply blood itself (I am COMPLETELY fine with blood and general dark and gorey things). Zombies however, are included). As such, please tag all SNK or Hannibal related posts with such things in them, even the ones without such scenes in them, due to the fact that these two shows/fandoms are the reason I learned I have this trigger, and so the entire thing now can cause my trigger due to association, and memory connection to it. Also I ask that you tag any other shows/fandoms/gifs with such things in them as well. Please and thank you very much. My blacklisted tags are: SNK, Shingeki No Kyojin, Attack On Titan, AoT, tokyo ghoul, tg, Hannibal, Cannibalism, tw: cannibalism, parasyte, tokyo ghoul, twd, the walking dead, walking dead, zombies, and hunting trophies. Any form of these (capitalization does not matter, however spaces do) will be caught by my blacklist, so I would appreciate it if you’d use one of these for those posts (though I am also happy to add other tags to it as well if you have a specific system you use already). Also suggestions for other possible blacklist tags that I may have forgotten are much appreciated. Also as an added note, I will not follow, RP with, or associate in ANY WAY, any blogs that have to do with my triggers. (Multi-muse blogs can sometimes be okay, this more applies to blogs that post SPECIFICALLY about the fandoms that trigger me). If you are a multi-muse blog that has characters from these fandoms, all I ask is that you be sure to tag them with the fandom they are from, with one of the tags in my list, and tag any of the triggers. We’ll be perfectly fine if you do! If you don’t, I may eventually unfollow, just to avoid seeing unintentionally triggering content.

- Secondly, I am open to RPing smut, (either aged up, or not, since whether we like it or not, teenagers do indeed end up doing it), however it likely will not happen much since this muse is underage, and will only happen if both myself and the other mun are okay with it and have agreed to it. (Again, chances are slim.) I do prefer however if our smut RPs are placed under a read more, if at all possible.

- ★ I am autistic. I know I don’t seem like it at first, and sometimes it’s hard to tell, however I am, and I also have ADHD, and it does affect the way my mind works with things. Sometimes having things done certain ways makes all the difference between if I can do something or if I can’t. If it sounds like I want to do something, but seem to struggle with figuring out how, please feel free to make suggestions, or start the thing yourself! It’s actually REALLY helpful when I get stuck. My being autistic can also affect who I can roleplay with, and how I roleplay, and how I think. Please keep this in mind, and try to be understanding. If something bothers you, or you don’t understand something, just ask me! I’ll do my best to explain, or fix it.

- Though it may not always seem like it, I am VERY shy and awkward. I’m actually legitimately terrified of new people, and trying to talk to people I haven’t spoken to before, or very much yet, almost makes me feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. If you want to RP with me, please message me! Chances are I’d LOVE to chat with you and RP with you, I’m just too terrified to talk to you.

- I struggle with chronic depression, and sometimes I may disappear for a while if I have a spell that gets particularly bad. Please be patient with me, as I will never forget about you and will always return. Also since it needs to be said, I also have EXTREME, doctor diagnosed anxiety. Sometimes it gets the better of me. Same with depression. Sometimes I have bad days. So I vent, and get frustrated with things. Little things bother me a lot more than they would on a normal day. If you can’t handle that or are going to be a hypocrite about it then please just leave right now. I don’t need your negativity. I have enough unwanted of that in my head as it is, which I combat and fight against every day.

- I am a multiship/multiverse blog, however my muse will be very selective with shipping for the time being however I am still happy to discuss ships and will happily consider them. Also a note, that I will ship with multiples of the same character, if the mun of those blogs wishes to ship with me. I find each relationship is different, seeing as each mun plays their character a little differently.

- I will do crossovers sometimes with fandoms I am familiar with. Crossovers always depend on my mood and how well my muse can interact with a character, as well as how well I know the series the character is from. Please forgive me if I choose not to roleplay a specific crossover. I still like you, I promise. If you’re unsure if I know your fandom, just ask! I do know of a lot of fandoms, so there’s a good chance I might.

- I ship based on chemistry. Sometimes I can develop a ship quickly, especially if I know the other muse’s personality well, and know they will mesh well with mine. Other times, a ship takes time for me to develop. Please be understanding and patient with me on this.

- Do NOT under any circumstances, force a ship on me. I am usually quite good at expressing ships I am okay with, and it will usually show in my writing. If you are unsure if I ship something or not, feel free to send me a message and ask me. Most of my characters have their own way of showing interest in someone, however most are usually pretty clear in expressing it in some way. Sending memes for interaction is fine for anyone whether we have interacted or not, and I will usually reply to those, however do not force a ship on me outside of that. If one develops between our characters, then fine. However that is a MUTUAL thing, so I do not take kindly to someone just deciding something is a thing. If you want to try to build one between our characters, then go ahead. Just please show me respect. That is the biggest and most important thing with me, is respect.

- I will write anything from 1 liners to multi-paragraphs when I RP. I usually stick to 1 or two shortish paragraphs, and that tends to fluctuate or shrink depending on how much information is needed to describe a scene. If we start out with a shorter paragraph, and I make a reply a fair bit longer, I will likely revert back to the shorter paragraph again within 1 or 2 replies. However you are welcome to write however you wish, just as long as you can give me something to go on. (A one liner in response to a 10 line paragraph for example, I will struggle to reply to.)

- I do not tolerate anon hate of any kind. Not towards myself, nor towards others. I will respond to it in a way that will make the sender feel rather like an idiot, and I am very smart and capable of doing so, so please be advised of that, if you intend to do so.

- I will RP more violent NSFW RPs, and other dark topics (I absolutely LOVE angst), however ONLY as long as I am in the mood for them. The mun of this blog is (well) over 18. Everything though that might be triggering, will be tagged, and if there is something that you need me to tag, or if I forget to tag something, please feel free to tell me. Just try to do so right away or else I can forget which RPs or replies to tag depending how long it goes since I posted it. My memory is pretty fickle with what it chooses to remember without some nudging.

- ★ I am better at roleplaying ships with males (BoyxBoy/Yaoi/etc), due to being more familiar with it and having more experience with it ((as I myself am very very very gay, and also trans (which is where the issues with writing about female parts makes me very uncomfortable comes from) )). I may however attempt to ship romantically with female characters, but please keep in mind it is something I am not as good at or as comfortable with, so if in the end, I decide I am unable to do so, please be understanding of this. (Especially if smut is included in the ship. I cannot smut with female characters, sorry.)

- I am slightly fickle about things I can reply to. I try very hard to reply to everything, however one thing I am not good at, is sudden changes in roleplays. As much as I hate to admit it, and try to pretend it isn’t true, and even though I am quite good at managing it most times, I am autistic, (high functioning form of autism) and that is one of the few issues I struggle with the most. If you sense a roleplay is changing directions, please hint at it to me in the tags or something the reply before it does, since even that small little hint can be enough to help keep me from having to drop an RP. Even if you are unsure if it will or not, letting me know that you think it MIGHT possibly happen (since we don’t control our characters) is a huge help to me. This particular issue is the main reason that 95% of my dropped threads end up dropped. And I always feel terrible when it happens, so please help me to get better at this.

- I can be slow sometimes (or often) with asks or replies. This usually happens because of my muse being fickle or me thinking a meme or ask prompt would be fun, however sometimes when I actually get them, my muse decides to just be like NOPE. Also sometimes I tend to forget things, or leave stuff in my askbox to reply to later, and then I forget about it or get distracted. If this happens, I apologize. Please try to be understanding of this, since I will NEVER ignore you or your asks on purpose. (The only case where it would be ignored is if it is something stated in my rules that I cannot respond to, that you obviously failed to read or are attempting to do anyway.) I do reblog things with the INTENT to answer EVERYTHING that shows up in my inbox, however my intentions don’t always pan out.

- I do not do the reblog from the source thing (not consistently anyway). I used to try to do it every single time (if I notice it), though now, I am sorry but I have had so many anxiety attacks due to my attention span which I cannot help due to having ADHD, and accidentally reblogging memes and such from someone who has that rule without even realizing it as I am scrolling down the dash because I don’t even realize who reblogged the meme, and then panicking because I realize it later, or get yelled at over it. I follow at least like 30+ meme blogs and the majority of memes on my dash tend to be from the source, so sometimes I don’t notice! Roleplay for me needs to remain stress free, because stress can trigger a major/serious depression spell and as of recently I FINALLY am stable emotionally. So please forgive me if I don’t bother with it. Because I probably won’t do it (consistently anyway).

Next topic of discussion.

Concerning OCs and shipping with them (Please see this post for some further clarification on this, since this is the part that I have the most issue with making clear, though I really do try):

- I am in fact OC supportive! Though when it comes to RPing with them, I can be extremely picky, and cautious. This has nothing to do with whether your OC is great or well developed or not. My brain annoyingly happens to have trouble connecting to a lot of characters, both OC and canon, but it just seems to be more common with other people’s OCs. HOWEVER, just because I might not RP with your OC, doesn’t mean I won’t secretly stalk them from the dash and read your interactions because I think they’re amazing.

- I WILL NOT ship my muses with other OCs, unless they are extremely well developed. This is simply because unless I personally can form some form of an an emotional connection/understanding to/of a character, my own muse will be unable to do so as well. (This can also apply to canon characters as well, so it is not simply limited to OCs).

- I am also very picky with RPing with other OCs, because of the same reason stated above. I will however roleplay with them sometimes, and do not in any way dislike them. I rather love OCs, and the diversity and color they bring to fandoms, and I actually have lots of OCs of my own for different fandoms, I just cannot always connect to them, and in those cases, I will not be able to roleplay with them. I apologize. HOWEVER. If possible, I will happily do platonic RPs with OCs that my muses happen to click with.

The types of characters/OCs I am usually unable to roleplay with, are the following, which includes a list of reasons why:

- ★ OCs that are not connected to any fandom in particular/Multifandom OCs. Basically as I like to call them, floaters or drifters. I may attempt to roleplay with these. It can still be iffy, because my brain can sometimes make stuff more difficult than it actually is or needs to be, and it depends on each particular OC, but as I have recently been developing a fandomless OC myself, I find my understanding of them has grown a bit. That said, sometimes I need to be able to connect them with something, as each fandom has a specific world to them. I need a consistent, solid world anchor to be able to understand the character, which drifters don’t have, so I can struggle to RP with them. I’m willing to try though!

- OCs from fandoms I am unfamiliar with. If I don’t know what sort of world/background your character comes from, it leaves me guessing too much and confused. I have attempted to roleplay with them anyway in the past and it just doesn’t work.

- OCs with very little backstory and information, or with a confusing one, or even with none at all. In essence, poorly made OCs. I need info to RP with you. At least seriously. So sorry. I need to be able to understand your character at least a little, since I don’t do good with “lets play a guessing game” or “I literally have no idea what I’m doing” or “what the hell is going on” sort of RPs, and I have never been good at them, and so I need clear, concise information on your character.

- Canonically (or noncanon since this is an OC as well) unknown family member OCs. Whether it’s a sibling for my character or for someone else’s that was never mentioned in canon, I just can’t. (If you want to RP a family member of my character that I have mentioned in my character’s info, please ask me beforehand as I usually have an idea already of what their family member is like, but usually I will be okay with that as long as you ask me first before just going ahead and doing it.) I’ve never been able to RP with them, for a multitude of reasons, one of the main being they often end up reminding me of the bad version of self inserts or genderbends. I have been unsuccessful at breaking this way of thinking towards them despite attempting to many times, and so I just cannot do it, personally. I am sorry.

Important reminder: Please note that I suck at explaining this somewhat, and just because my brain struggles with roleplaying with certain characters does not mean I dislike your muse or think they suck! I can think your OC is absolutely AMAZING and they can be SUPER well written and developed and I can want to interact but my brain is just dumb and if I try to my brain just refuses. These SAME issues can happen with canon characters too, I have simply noticed it more with other OCs, thus the specific section for them.

Those are all the ones I can think of right now. I am very sorry to anyone who has one of these and wants to RP with me, however I simply cannot do it, personally. I’m sure there are plenty of other people out there though who would love to RP with you even though I cannot, and just because I will not RP with you doesn’t mean I dislike you or your character. I’d be happy to still be friends with you, I just won’t be able to RP with you. I’m someone who needs to be able to connect to the character I am roleplaying with on at least SOME level, for my character to be able to connect to them as well, so if I am unable to do that then I am unable to roleplay with them. (This can include as well, the WAY someone roleplays, since if there is no emotion or thought or description in replies, it gives me nothing to go on and connect to, and leaves me unable to respond, even if I WANT to RP with you.)

★ I hate to have to do this (and I never used to have a password), however I have had A LOT of trouble with people not reading and following my rules in the past, and or speaking about or talking about/not tagging my major trigger, so if you have read my rules, please inbox me with “Catshark” (I prefer Inbox over IMs for the password so I can keep track forever of who sent it in). I ask this of people because it also helps a lot with my anxiety, and keeps me from wondering and worrying in the back of my mind if I might actually get triggered by something. I know it can be tedious to do this extra step, and I hate that I even had to add this step in the first place, however after years of roleplaying, and dealing with people, it became necessary due to several bad past experiences in tumblr fandoms. It was not added on a whim, so please take the time to do so. Also, I do understand that you probably follow a hundred blogs that all have their own rules, so if you forget stuff, that’s okay! I do it too. The password is just so I know it is safe for me to approach you and remind you of something if you do forget. Otherwise, I tend to sit here and kind of panic about if I can mention something to you (it has happened before that someone who didn’t send it in and came across friendly bit my head off when I asked them to tag something), and it means I am more likely to unfollow or stop interacting, or even block you eventually due to my anxiety. And I don’t want that to happen over a silly misunderstanding.

There may be more added to this later if I think of something. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

#Mobile friendly info #mobile friendly #Rules

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inside-aut-blog · 5 years ago

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Autistic Caleb Widogast

Part Three

Episodes 21-30

E21:

“this is a very tactless question, but you are talking about the Scaled Tyrant and you also are sporting some scales. is that a coincidence or are they related?” knowing sth is tactless but not knowing how to soften the words? uhhhhhh mood

overexplains the whole mighty nein thing. again

E22:

“you’re not very good at finding traps, but everything else you’re quite good at”; straightforward honesty, not intended to sting just stated as fact

the entire beau & caleb hug sequence; looks uncomfy, is touch-averse

E23:

script of “i defer to the group” appears again as it does in many episodes

nott, abt beau: you think she was dropped on her head or something? she’s just very sort of…you know… caleb: i mean i think u and i are a little ‘eh’ in our own particular way a) Nott That’s Rude, & b) caleb as good as says that he & nott. are nd

nott, about caleb: sometimes when he stares at you and doesn’t say anything he is talking to u

fjord says he’s “not much of a shopper” & caleb goes “same same”

“caleb is futzing again with the rock and just sort of massaging the four days of stubble that he has grown back”; stim!

“during all of that yammering on the way up, i look over at yasha and sigh out”; yasha goes “yeah. a little crazy?” & caleb goes “that’s it”; Too Loud

E24:

caleb: i was planning to go out, but it’s awkward for me. i thought you would be going yasha: it’s awkward for me, too caleb: i thought that we could give each other moral support, you know what i mean?

“he doesn’t deal well with harsh criticism all the time“; self-loathing & trauma yes, but also. the RSD-adjacent thing lotsa autistics have

E25:

beau picks up ball bearings & caleb starts counting them

E26:

keg: i’m not good at people nott: beau is terrible with relationships and social interactions beau: that’s clearly why we got off to a great start. sorry caleb: i’m not very good at it either

caleb, abt the abandoned house, immediately: are there any books??

“i think there is a young child that’s in danger there. we seemed to care about the bird child, maybe we care about this one? i don’t know,” caleb says, uncertain, & then when nott is like “yes of course we care” he immediately about-faces & is like “of course!! we’ve got to act right now!!!!” & hey wow. absorbing others’ opinions? using others as baselines for How To Do Caring? that’s autistic

E27:

walks away from nott bc runs out of cope for conversation

has trouble saying the “love” word again & possiblydoesn’t feel the love emotion as quickly as others

has panic attack after talking to ophelia; unusual social situation + taking position of authority = Big Hhhh; overlap between Trauma & Autism again

nott: you were great in there. you were great! you handled yourself so well! man you were rock-solid in there! caleb: stop it. i am nauseous. let’s go kill a bunch of people

when he eats the goodberry, he makes a Very Exaggerated Face & says “it’s sour”; those are some Sensory Issues

E28:

beau: we should’ve found a better analogy caleb: than the onion? well, how about we’re just going to kill the people on the wall, how is that for a metaphor?

“waiting very anxiously for my life partner”; sure it’s combat-related concern but! as noted in the op, this isn’t the first time caleb has panicked when separated from nott. & thus i propose: a) separation anxiety & b) nott is, for caleb, That One Person y’latch onto & follow in social situations (& also new/anxiety-inducing situations) bc Easier W/Them Nearby

E29:

stutters before saying that he’s gonna head down first

“i used to have a cat, but i do not any longer–” this somehow manages to be both over- and under-explaining, in that the information isn’t necessary, and he also doesn’t explain that his cat is a familiar/would’ve been useful

during the fight, keeps echoing variations of “this is going very well………”

E30:

“i rub my thumb along the lucky rock in my pocket”

caleb talks w/beau while “staring out the window, not even looking at [her]” (eye contact? in MY serious conversations? it’s less likely than u think)

beau: cool caleb, echoing exaggeratedly: cooool

the “making it work” script-phrase returns

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gncrevan · 5 years ago

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dear m.,

i write this in case you still check my blog (i'm sorry i checked yours, i was acting on paranoia, but i have stopped) and i have unblocked you for that reason. i hate to be misunderstood more than anything. i spent my whole life with my actions being misinterpreted and it breaks my heart. i really hope you read this.

from my perspective, here is what happened: we both were triggered by things the other did. when two traumatized people interact, this is something that can occur. i don't believe it's either of our fault and it's normal that we acted irrationally.

you wanted distance, which i respected. i didn't like not being told what happened/what i did wrong, and i didn't like the way you told me you wanted distance. this is also something that can happen when you have different needs. it reminded me of bad situations i had been in, which wasn't your fault, and i think i made it explicit that i didn't think it was your fault.

i was not in a good place when you offered to talk about it, and coming at it with questions about my intentions, whether my personal recounting of trauma was about you, didn't help. i should have told you there that i wasn't ready, but i failed to do that, as i didn't quite realize that this was the case. instead, i reacted flippantly at first and i apologize for that (i think i also apologized back then). your reaction, telling me to check my attitude, was unfortunately extremely reminiscent of things my father said, and further triggered me. you couldn't have known that, and i don't blame you. i realized in the moment that you couldn't know these things, and i took a breath. i did my all to calm down, look at it rationally. i told you that i didn't understand what was going on, i still don't really understand. i'm sorry if that sounds bad to you. it's not that i don't believe you or don't try to empathize. i have huge problems understanding what goes on in other people's heads. it helps me if they explain. my best guess is that i played into your hypervigilance by mistake and i'm really sorry i made you feel unsafe like that. it's hard sometimes to find the balance between expressing yourself and not stepping on other people's toes. i do think we could have talked this through and found a solution.

in the moment, I felt very lost and confused. i tried to explain myself to you and hold myself accountable. i admitted that seeing you say things that upset me meant more than seeing some random person say those things, cause i had related to you, and this might be why i overreacted. i apologized. i felt very exhausted and overwhelmed when you did not respect my request to not tell me what i didn't want to hear. i frankly also didn't agree with it. i think i gave you time and respected your boundaries. looking back, i can only interpret that me trying to explain myself sounded like i was accusing you. this was not my intention and i deeply regret that i wasn't able to convey what i intended. i have a thing in my brain where i think i need to explain myself and this will make things better. evidently, that's not always the case. maybe i should have asked you what you wanted to talk about, what you were feeling, and have you lead the conversation. i was tripping over myself trying to explain where i was coming from because i was scared of being misunderstood, and in the process i only made the misunderstanding worse. back there, you said you understood where i was coming from, but i'm not sure you did.

this is what happened next from my perspective: we both tried to process our feelings. i didn't know where we stood and i didn't know how or when to ask. the reason i looked at your blog was to see if there was any hint i could ask you. i should have just asked you and i regret not doing that. i thought asking you about your post was okay because you did the same thing before. i did my best to be friendly and not upset you, but i probably just shouldn't have lead with that in the first place, maybe not do it at all. i was acting out of hurt over being misunderstood and misrepresented. that's not an excuse, it's an explanation. i thought i was being diplomatic but i probably wasn't. when you told me off, that didn't make sense to me. i had said i could leave you alone but you never told me if that was what you wanted. from my point of view, i had offered and then never received a confirmation. that's like genuinely a problem for me, i can't infer meaning from vague sentences. and again, i realize i should have just asked, and not asking is on me. i'm still working on my hang-ups here. you seemed angry and i felt hurt. i still think we should have negotiated this better. i am not good at setting my own boundaries until it's too late, i'm mostly reactive. i should have told you earlier that i wasn't ready to talk, or that i didn't like you reading my blog after you unfollowed me. my defenses are weak and i never know when to enforce them. i enforced them too late, and in a manner that was fuelled by anger. i apologize for being indignant.

after that, i tried to sort through my thoughts. i realized that i had set a boundary at one point, albeit weakly and possibly not clearly enough (by trying to appeal to your pity in a way that was probably really pathetic). it's possible that i expected you to understand and realize things that you couldn't know about me because you cannot look into my head. i still felt like my boundary was disrespected and that i had thought that your boundaries would equally apply the other way around. i should have communicated that more clearly, i guess, but that's where my hurt was. that, and being misunderstood, and failing to clear up the misunderstanding.

background info: that is genuinely one of my biggest fears, being misunderstood. it has lead to so much shit in my life. i've done so much therapy focused on that and i still can't figure out what happens in those situations. i think it's because i'm autistic, that's the only explanation i have because listen, i really have tried to change this, i've tried so hard, and it just doesn't work! and i know my brain works in a weird way, and i'm assuming that's the problem. that's why i can't get it right. i told you before i don't know what i'm doing wrong when communicating with you, or others for that matter, and it's not me trying to just be "oh it isn't my fault, you have to pity me, i'm such a poor autistic", it's a genuine fucking problem and it has ruined my life and i wish i could stop it. i overexplain myself in hopes that this does the trick, and it works with some people, like people close to me, but i get that it can be overwhelming. if we ever talk again, i ask you to just tell me if i'm being overwhelming. i know i often talk too much. it's my brain.

back to the topic: i actually think we both made mistakes. i don't think either of us was acting maliciously. it can be hard to convey tone over the internet, and we both apparently pressed the wrong buttons. i accept that you are hurt and that you weren't feeling good and that we both clashed in a situation where we were feeling vulnerable, and proceeded to do things that unfortunately were triggers to the other one without knowing it. that sucks! what's done is done. it's ok if you're angry at me. you can do what you must to protect yourself emotionally, and i guess if that means i don't get my closure, then i must live with it. i'm trying to get closure inside my head, with myself.

the only thing i want to clarify is that i never saw you as my bff or therapist and never projected that onto you. i was actually often intimidated by you and exasperated by how much i was failing to convey things to you correctly. as you might recall, i wrote asks and messages to you about this sentiment. i felt a certain attachment because we related over trauma stuff, that's what i meant when i said projecting. i actually realised a long time ago you weren't exactly like me, and that's an experience i go through every time i relate to someone, and it just happens, it's neutral, it's only in my head etc. but yeah i want you to know that i never wanted to put pressure on you and didn't expect you to carry me or whatever and that i really didn't overestimate how close we were. people online are often really just concepts for us and it's complex to interact. i can relate to a concept, but i don't know that much about you, the person. i know that and i never meant to infer anything different. it's important to me that you don't think i'm like that, because i really don't appreciate people like that, i've had my fair share of them.

i hope that this can bring clarity and peace. i truly never want to upset people. i strive for better understanding and a kinder way that we treat each other.

#don't reblog

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karui-kyofu · 4 years ago

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Mobile Friendly Rules

Since I did it for Kurai’s info, here’s the rules for mobile users.

THESE ARE JUST A FEW GENERAL THINGS I FEEL ARE IMPORTANT TO BE ADDRESSED BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, SO PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ THEM.

Also another small note beforehand: Due to my autism, I tend to try to be extra clear (but also sometimes manage to be less clear in the process), or in my head it is clear, but to other people, it comes across entirely differently, but I've been informed this makes my rules sometimes come across as more aggressive, exclusionary, or mean. So I will say this now. I am actually a MASSIVE fluffball. Quite literally. The tone they come across is mainly due to overexplaining however I have tried to edit them and have yet to find a way to redefine my rules in better wording that I am happy with and that feels like it covers everything while actually being properly clear (but whenever I finally think of the right wording, I usually update my rules). So just approach them with the knowledge I am actually legitimately a sweetheart and my brain just sucks at actually wording stuff.

- ★ First and most important thing is that the mun has a very serious cannibalism trigger, which includes ANY form of people being eaten (including animals or monsters or any such other creatures eating people). (Excluding vampires, as that doesn’t typically involve the eating of human flesh, and rather simply blood itself. Zombies however, are included). As such, please tag all SNK or Hannibal related posts with such things in them, even the ones without such scenes in them, due to the fact that these two shows/fandoms are the reason I learned I have this trigger, and so the entire thing now can cause my trigger due to association, and memory connection to it. Also I ask that you tag any other shows/fandoms/gifs with such things in them as well. Please and thank you very much. My blacklisted tags are: SNK, Shingeki No Kyojin, Attack On Titan, AoT, tokyo ghoul, tg, Hannibal, Cannibalism, tw: cannibalism, twd, the walking dead, walking dead, zombies, and hunting trophies. Any form of these (capitalization does not matter, however spaces do) will be caught by my blacklist, so I would appreciate it if you’d use one of these for those posts (though I am also happy to add other tags to it as well if you have a specific system you use already). Also suggestions for other possible blacklist tags that I may have forgotten are much appreciated. Also as an added note, I will not follow, RP with, or associate in ANY WAY, any blogs that have to do with my triggers. (Multi-muse blogs can sometimes be okay, this more applies to blogs that post SPECIFICALLY about the fandoms that trigger me). If you are a multi-muse blog that has characters from these fandoms, all I ask is that you be sure to tag them with the fandom they are from, with one of the tags in my list, and tag any of the triggers. We’ll be perfectly fine if you do! If you don’t, I may eventually unfollow, just to avoid seeing unintentionally triggering content.

- Secondly, I am not here just to to roleplay smut. I WILL do so if I feel like it and if the roleplay goes that direction after building up the relationship, however I am not here for that. I do prefer however if our smut RPs are placed under a read more, if at all possible.

- I will RP more violent NSFW RPs, however ONLY as long as I am in the mood for them. The mun of this blog is (well) over 18.

- I do not do the reblog from the source thing. I used to try (if I notice it), I am sorry but I have had so many anxiety attacks due to my attention span which I cannot help due to having ADHD, and accidentally reblogging memes and such from someone who has that rule without even realizing it as I am scrolling down the dash because I don’t even realize who reblogged the meme, and then panicking because I realize it later, or get yelled at over it. I follow at least like 30+ meme blogs and the majority of memes on my dash tend to be from the source, so sometimes I don't notice! Roleplay for me needs to remain stress free, because stress can trigger a major/serious depression spell and as of recently I FINALLY am stable emotionally. So please forgive me if I don’t bother with it. Because I probably won’t do it (consistently anyway).

Next topic of discussion.

Concerning OCs and shipping with them (Please see this post for some further clarification on this, since this is the part that I have the most issue with making clear, though I really do try):

The types of characters/OCs I am usually unable to roleplay with, are the following, which includes a list of reasons why.

- ★ Self insert OCs. Really. Please just no. I cannot stand self inserts above all else other than Shipper OCs. Admittedly, there are a rare few good ones out there. However those tend to be very few and far between, and 98% of them tend to fall into the not so good category to put it nicely, and I just.. I can’t do it. There is nothing else to say to this except just NO. I apologize for this, however I just can’t. Also, this applies to FULLY self inserts. This does not apply to characters that simply share some traits with you, as often we roleplay a character because we can connect to them somehow. (This is an issue I am working on getting over, but it takes time.)

- Canon Genderbends (there are exceptions sometimes with these). This subject is a touchy one, since my mind is very rigid unfortunately when it comes to how I view them. This might stem from my own personal gender struggle (as I am trans and FtM), however genderbends have always been something I have a lot of issues with, and so 98% of the time, I will not RP with them because I have to fight my mind to reply. Temporary genderswap M!A’s however, when handled properly, are no issue for me, and in such cases I will happily roleplay with them.

- Shipper OCs. The type of character I hate more than any other. If you made your OC just so you could ship with a bunch of people and that is the only purpose for their existence, do not even talk to me, or approach my character. Don’t even try. I literally cannot stand these types, and they fall right up there with my hatred of self inserts. So sorry. But just no.

- Canonically unknown family member OCs. Whether it’s a sibling for my character or for someone else’s that was never mentioned in canon, I just can’t. (If you want to RP a family member of my character that I have mentioned in my character’s info, please ask me beforehand as I usually have an idea already of what their family member is like, but usually I will be okay with that as long as you ask me first before just going ahead and doing it.) I’ve never been able to RP with them, for a multitude of reasons, one of the main being they often end up reminding me of self inserts or genderbends. I have been unsuccessful at breaking this way of thinking towards them despite attempting to many times, and so I just cannot do it, personally. I am sorry.

Important note: Please note that I suck at explaining this somewhat, and just because my brain struggles with roleplaying with certain characters does not mean I dislike your muse or think they suck! I can think your OC is absolutely AMAZING and they can be SUPER well written and developed and I can want to interact but my brain is just dumb and if I try to my brain just refuses. These SAME issues can happen with canon characters too, I have simply noticed it more with other OCs, thus the specific section for them.

★ I hate to have to do this (and I never used to have a password), however I have had A LOT of trouble with people not reading and following my rules in the past, and or speaking about or talking about/not tagging my major trigger, so if you have read my rules, please inbox me with “Catshark” (I prefer Inbox over IMs for the password so I can keep track forever of who sent it in). I ask this of people because it also helps a lot with my anxiety, and keeps me from wondering and worrying in the back of my mind if I might actually get triggered by something. I know it can be tedious to do this extra step, and I hate that I even had to add this step in the first place, however after years of roleplaying, and dealing with people, it became necessary due to several bad past experiences in tumblr fandoms. It was not added on a whim, so please take the time to do so. Also, I do understand that you probably follow a hundred blogs that all have their own rules, so if you forget stuff, that’s okay! I do it too. The password is just so I know it is safe for me to approach you and remind you of something if you do forget. Otherwise, I tend to sit here and kind of panic about if I can mention something to you, and it means I am more likely to unfollow or stop interacting, or even block you eventually due to my anxiety. And I don’t want that to happen over a silly misunderstanding.

There may be more added to this later if I think of something. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

#mobile friendly #mobile friendly rules post #heavy metal rules #Important #Blog PSA

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arodrwho · 6 years ago

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this list is. so good. so so good i love it

have some additions!!

E1:

caleb often mirrors phrasing, like: nott goes “all right, well, that’s on the to-do list” & caleb goes “all right, well, let’s get something to eat then”

caleb misinterprets beau’s “are you cold?” to mean “why are you wrapped up” & subsequently. bluntly overshares

matt, abt caleb, after jester rearranges the shop: you turn around [...] and notice the interior is not as you last saw it, and a bit of nerves begin to brew up under you (he’s afraid of getting in trouble, yes, but consider also: Change Bad)

E2:

Local Autism Offers Emotional Support Stim Cat In Local Klepto’s Trying Times, Bc Well He Helps Me So Obviously He Will Help U Too!!

nott, reassuring caleb they can Bolt later: they’ll never know who we were caleb: ..caleb and nott

caleb realizes a second too late that calling the one dude’s novel “trashy” was rude & tacks on “no judgement” (what a Mood)

caleb compliments beau very very awkwardly

“we have been in the woods for too long. i’ve forgotten how to talk to people” --needing practice to maintain basic social skills? Sounds Autistic

“i don’t know what you just said, but i am interested in books. particularly in the arcane realm, but any kind of book” (auditory processing troubles? check. special interest? double check.)

beau references frankenstein to suggest maybe the old zombie dude was an experiment; caleb doesn’t “really understand what she’s saying” (difficulty following others’ meaning! not getting pop culture refs!) (assumin of course that--in-universe--beau ref’d some exandrian equivalent of frankenstein)

E3:

caleb is nonverbal after he “gets over [his reaction to casting firebolt]”; he “doesn’t say anything, but starts pushing bodies onto the back of the cart”

stays nonverbal for A While; “during all the busywork, i’m not saying anything, but i keep giving worried and stressed glances at my little friend”

in the middle of planning, with zero transition or context, caleb goes, “also i have a cat” and doesn’t offer context til jester goes ?? yes he’s cute?

gets excited & dances in the street w/nott on his shoulders (stim!!)

nott, when caleb ignores jester in favor of reading: he gets like this when he’s studying. he gets very focused, it’s best not to disturb him

“i prefer him as a cat, to be honest, but in a pinch–” change Bad, cat Good

when jester braids caleb’s hair, liam says “it feels nice”; Sensory Good

“i’m a good talker when i have to be”; qualifies the statement, implying it’s an occasional mask he dons when Necessary

E4:

nott: no one’s going to be around to save you if you get into trouble caleb: i’m almost dead already nott: yeah, that’s not good jester: that’s not comforting, caleb

at the very end of caleb’s conversation w/the guard, liam says caleb looks him in the eye, which implies he was Avoiding eye contact before that

caleb, in court, bluntly: i’m a dirty hobo and i reek like yesterday’s garbage

caleb, abruptly: well, you know, this is very fascinating, but i have some errands to run. nott, would you like to run errands with me? we are totally coming back and not leaving on our own undercover

caleb calls the old shopkeep “grandfather”; he does this with other elderly folks in later episodes too [the woman in the melora statue; madam musk], even when he knows their names. seems like maybe an internal rule that he has to refer to old folks this way bc it’s Respectful?

caleb, overexplaining: this is called a bath nott: i’ve heard of them caleb, still overexplaining: a hot bath

E5:

caleb: before i go away, am i looking for anything specific? beau: just people coming caleb, echoing: people coming...

caleb ducks back behind a corner mid-fight & says “nein nein nein"; repetitive speech

caleb later ducks back behind the same corner & says “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”; Big Autistic Mood

coin-counting!!

E6:

[abruptly] “well, my social anxiety is getting the best of me. i’m taking a walk. goodbye” + brisk exit

“sorry, my curiosity gets the best of me, always”; blurts out questions

caleb realizes belatedly that his question abt alfield giving them extra coin was callous, goes “it’s asking a bit much, i was too forward”; low empathy

“i’’m sorry, it’s very noisy in the shop. what did you say?”; APD

the whole conversation in the shop caleb is just--super blunt. “i’ve been on the road a long time and i’m carrying a smell with me, if you cannot tell" “to the point, i like it” “i don’t mean cheap shit” “well, it’s a barn, ja?”

caleb, on being reminded that people are dying: maybe i can put [turning frumpkin back into a cat] on hold, although i really hate to (emotional support animal + Different Is Bad + low empathy)

“we can do both, but there is a timestamp on the people. we should take care of the people first, because then we’re increasing how much gold we will bring in, because if they die then we will not get as much money for them if they are alive”; low empathy + extreme practicality

E7:

“yes, handle this [grievously injured] child, but then we’re very curious to ask a couple--i’ll shut up”; [sing-song voice] low empathy......

caleb: you know, it’s funny, because only about 30 minutes ago i also had a bird, but he was obliterated beau: oh, that’s right caleb: it was very sad. i’ll bring him back tomorrow shakaste: thanks for that caleb, oblivious: he and i, we are [crosses fingers] like that

E8:

jester: well, she’s mostly known for her hmm-hmm-hmm. outside of that, her voice is amazing, you should hear her sing caleb: what does that mean? jester: what does what mean? caleb: hmm-hmm-hmm

E9:

feel like it’s worth noting this is the episode where beau tells caleb “maybe you would know what we’re up to if you went along with the group for once!” & from there on out p much invariably caleb makes it a point to step back & go along wherever the group wants. so--internal rule!

“i’ve got to stop complimenting you, it does not lead to good moments” + immediately walks away

beau, shouting: he said enTHUSIASM! caleb, jumping & cringing: ohH jeez!!

caleb sees that yasha is uncomfortable w/jester hugging her & does an Understanding Nod; yasha says, “i’m very uncomfortable with human touch” & caleb goes “i feel like i know you better now”; reads as Same Hat

gets angry at jester. swipes mud down his face in a wordless fuck-you. doesn’t rly align w/any specific autistic traits but listen. listen. does that seem like the kind of thing a neurotypical would do? i don’t think so.

E10:

molly pins caleb to the wall & caleb does not make eye contact or speak

caleb gets stuck for a bit repeating variations of “who kicks a cat?!?!”

E11:

caleb compliments & asks abt the origins of the shopkeep’s (heavy) sweater & then remembers manners & is like “sorry, what’s your name?”

the entire bread-as-mitts exchange, but esp. when jester goes “why didn’t you just light your hands on fire instead of putting it in bread?” & caleb’s all “i would’ve burned the bread and then i couldn’t eat it, it’s simple!”

“anyway should we go?” “should we go?”; echolalia

E12:

y’know that thing where many autistics talk in a weird mashup of hyper-formal & super informal speech? casually using, like, SAT words right up alongside colloquialisms & memespeech? that thing? yeah, caleb does that a lot. in like, virtually every episode. incl. this one, where he says, w/utmost seriousness: “i understand that these two are really busting your balls, and i commiserate with that, but we do need in fact to ask”

E13:

caleb talks to skull. caleb makes the skull talk back. autistics tend to have fewer qualms abt talking to inanimate objects, & so here we are

also, nott says “i think what would make it work is letting them take the lead a bit, and following” & from this point forward caleb’s internal rule of I Must Defer To The Group gets Even More Solid

“i think you may have guessed it before now, but i care a great deal for you” he talks around the Love Word, which is super relatable bc that word is. A Lot. hard to verbalize

“i pick her up and i just hug her. i just hug her” sometimes Gestures are easier than Words u know

E14:

fjord: [yasha] doesn’t like the spotlight caleb, commiseratingly: attention’s a bitch, isn’t it?

E15:

caleb gets “super intense with his shit [when he casts detect magic]” & barely notices the others heading to the door; hyperfocus? hyperfocus!!

E16:

“caleb is chewing on his finger and looking through the book”; stimmable

[after jester’s “special package” comments] “and i’m like red-faced, and i stare at myself, like dead expression, for 30 seconds”; flat. affect

caleb is “wide-eyed and not responding” after absorbing the mote & nott’s like “he can’t speak anymore, he’s forgotten– [...] he’s lost all language”; can be reasonably assumed nott is Aware that’s a thing that happens

E17:

“about seven feet away, out of habit, caleb just starts going ‘one two three four…’”

E18:

caleb: nott usually stabs someone when we do that beau: ok but u can shift that to suit this new context right. like u can do that right. like. like a) difficulty adjusting to suit new context, difficulty w/change…….., & b) beau asks bc she, an autistic, can easily tell that caleb is autistic y/y?

E19:

“caleb is stress chewing on the licorice root that he used to cast the spell”

when mentioning jester, he calls her “the blue one” rather than her name; seems to me it might be related to the thing where names just like. feel Too Personal To Say? maybe. potentially

nott’s all “i think i was probably stealing some food or sth” & caleb goes “you told me it was cherry wine”; friendly teasing + Urge To Correct

E20:

once again shares the emotional support stim cat, this time w/kiri!

“i just mean i wasn’t–i don’t know, words don’t do it. talk to me if you want”; trouble articulating his thoughts? That’s Canon My Dude

E21:

overexplains the whole mighty nein thing. again

E22:

“you’re not very good at finding traps, but everything else you’re quite good at”; straightforward honesty, not intended to sting just stated as fact

the entire beau & caleb hug sequence; looks uncomfy, is touch-averse

E23:

script of “i defer to the group” appears again as it does in many episodes

nott, abt beau: you think she was dropped on her head or something? she’s just very sort of...you know… caleb: i mean i think u and i are a little ‘eh’ in our own particular way a) Nott That’s Rude, & b) caleb as good as says that he & nott. are nd

nott, about caleb: sometimes when he stares at you and doesn’t say anything he is talking to u

fjord says he’s “not much of a shopper” & caleb goes “same same”

“caleb is futzing again with the rock and just sort of massaging the four days of stubble that he has grown back”; stim!

“during all of that yammering on the way up, i look over at yasha and sigh out”; yasha goes “yeah. a little crazy?” & caleb goes “that’s it”; Too Loud

E24:

“he doesn’t deal well with harsh criticism all the time“; self-loathing & trauma yes, but also. the RSD-adjacent thing lotsa autistics have

E25:

beau picks up ball bearings & caleb starts counting them

E26:

keg: i’m not good at people nott: beau is terrible with relationships and social interactions beau: that’s clearly why we got off to a great start. sorry caleb: i’m not very good at it either

caleb, abt the abandoned house, immediately: are there any books??

E27:

walks away from nott bc runs out of cope for conversation

has trouble saying the “love” word again & possibly doesn’t feel the love emotion as quickly as others

has panic attack after talking to ophelia; unusual social situation + taking position of authority = Big Hhhh; overlap between Trauma & Autism again

nott: you were great in there. you were great! you handled yourself so well! man you were rock-solid in there! caleb: stop it. i am nauseous. let’s go kill a bunch of people

when he eats the goodberry, he makes a Very Exaggerated Face & says “it’s sour”; those are some Sensory Issues

E28:

beau: we should’ve found a better analogy caleb: than the onion? well, how about we’re just going to kill the people on the wall, how is that for a metaphor?

E29:

stutters before saying that he’s gonna head down first

“i used to have a cat, but i do not any longer--” this somehow manages to be both over- and under-explaining, in that the information isn’t necessary, and he also doesn’t explain that his cat is a familiar/would’ve been useful

during the fight, keeps echoing variations of “this is going very well………”

E30:

“i rub my thumb along the lucky rock in my pocket”

caleb talks w/beau while “staring out the window, not even looking at [her]” (eye contact? in MY serious conversations? it’s less likely than u think)

beau: cool caleb, echoing exaggeratedly: cooool

the “making it work” script-phrase returns

E31:

i’m trying not to repeat the same things over & over if caleb does them routinely, but it’s worth noting that caleb counts out nearly 1000 gold

the fuckin. exchange where beau’s forced to read & caleb gives her a delighted thumbs up, oblivious to her mood & she flips him off & he belatedly is like “..oh. oh no” & hurriedly turns back to his book

E32:

after finding the fancy gems, caleb “starts to quietly dance around”; celebratory stim dance strikes again!!

E33:

caleb’s got a very exaggerated startle response when fjord sneaks up on him in the ocean; ptsd & autism overlap space strikes again

when nott lies abt there being a guy in the cell w/them for post fraud, caleb immediately & quietly goes “we were the only 2 people in that cell”; hello again autistic urge to Correct

marion, about caleb: you, i can sense, a bit rough in the social graces, so i am very honored that you would come to see my performance

beau: okay, once again with the shade towards trying to climb the tower caleb: it is open shade, beauregard, because it has nothing to do with what we are trying to do today. i am not hiding my shade, it is out, i am providing shade for you. we have something to do! yeah, i am blotting out the sun, we have shit to do!

E34:

“also, speaking from experience, sometimes when you’re very focused on a task, it can create a blind spot”; listen, i realize this is a terrible terrible pun & may not even have been in-character necessarily, but it’s also a huge autistic mood, & so here it will stay

E35:

“i’m going to attempt to do that thing I’ve seen beauregard do so many times and foof up my biceps and look intimidating”; mimic mimic

E36:

caleb doesn’t seem to grasp that beau is morally conflicted & attempts to reassure her in Exactly the wrong way; doesn’t read the signs right

nott suggests faking a heart attack, & caleb says “i don’t know if you’re joking or not, but i’m going to do it”

caleb Shares The Emotional Support Cat to Express Affection/Gratitude

another hug where caleb looks super uncomfortable

E37:

while fjord & avantika talk, caleb interjects like “yeah i’m sorry, you have a very thick accent. sometimes it is--i’m losing a couple of things here and there, no offense”; local wizard cannot read the room & also consistently has a hard time understanding new accents? there’s arguably out-of-universe reasons, but consider: in-universe, it’s a combo of “common is his second language” & also that good ol APD

E38:

“as i chew on some licorice root”; he doesn’t cast any spells just chews on it (like, the next thing he casts is detect magic iirc, but u don’t need licorice root for that so this is genuinely sth he’s doing Just Because), & so: stim!

uncomfortable again w/removing his books

E39:

“caleb begins to slowly move the floating orbs in different patterns. gets distracted by his own cantrip”; stim!!

E41:

awkward and formal during the conversation with caduceus, & ends it abruptly with “okay i feel like shit so i’m going to bed”; arguably liam is narrating rather than having caleb say this out loud but consider: it’s funnier if caleb actually says it & also it would be entirely in-character, so

“i feel like a fool much of the time” mmmmmm mood

caleb asks, abt jester magically filling his hands w/water, “is this a custom??” & believes it when she unconvincingly says yes

E42:

caleb struggles to switch over to the codenames & when he does manage to avoid using proper names, it’s through the whole “the blue one” sort of deal that he uses to avoid saying the names of ppl not present

can we claim that all-nighter w/the cipher for some sweet sweet autistic hyperfocus? bc i would like to do the that

E44:

uses the same phrasing over & over when asking for permission to use suggestion on nott– “if you will allow me”

E45:

caleb looks real uncomfy every time twiggy does a physical affection

E46:

“lotta books. lotta books lotta books” echo echo echo times

talks even more monotone than usual for nearly the entire episode

E47:

“caleb sits down in the muck”; mmmmmm he does the whole crash-on-the-spot thing whenever he gets real hurt, and none of the others rly do except beau (who’s also autistic), so it makes me think of shutdowns

caleb seems to have not understood or internalized what nott told him before abt her past, & asks the same questions multiple times in different ways over the course of the conversation; seems slow to process this Feelings-Flavored Information, & that in turn.........seems autistic

E48:

caleb: what about outside the chateau, did u go out to play? jester: no caleb: …….well let’s see if they have books inside!

the entire improv poetry sequence, but esp. the end where he just runs out of brain & bluntly goes “i want to leave now”

caleb, on the differences between the tower and a dick: one is a building

jester: do u want any company like someone to watch over ur shoulder while u read maybe ;)))) caleb, missing the subtext: i will feel a little uncomfortable…who are we talking about. you??

nott: caleb will know what to say beau [paraphrased]: he isn’t good at….ppl

goes semiverbal when yussa first addresses him, twice says “mm”

“i really don’t like dogs i’m sorry” sensory bad probably, bc dogs are loud

“i don’t people very well, all right, it’s been a long time since i had a lot of practice” needing practice to people well? autistique

very agitated stimming during that conversation w/beau

halting speech also; sounds like he was still semiverbal but forcing himself to talk anyway

going to go scream at the trees afterward bc emotional overload

nonverbal during the whole bit with nott

would u like some shutdown w/ur panic attack & dissociation

E49:

avoids eye contact for most of the Emotional Discussion, & then at one particular point makes Significant & Pointed Eye Contact W/Beau

takes a Long Time to work up the words for the conversation; semiverbal....hard time talking abt emotions...................

E50:

awkwardly compliments beau abt her smut-reading skills

E52:

“i guess a lot of you is up here?” “eh…it’s, all of me is up here” so on the one hand this refers specifically to caleb’s strengths lying mostly in intellectual areas, but on the other this is a Whole-Ass Autistic Mood, so,

caleb drops a whole lot of lore in a short amount of time. that’sa infodump

E53:

can’t cope w/fond embarrassment feelings of “that’s not actually your name though”? Time To Walk Off

can’t cope w/profound guilt re: being reminded abt the bloodletting thing? Time To Walk Off

Return Of The Cat Special Interest

E54:

Very Hard To Change Own Accent

“you need to get your eyes checked, there is literally mud caked in my hair”; a) blunt, & b) missed the implied message of I’m Bout To Fuck U Up

“eeeltritch blaeeeesst” repeated more than once. successfully teased friends & made them laugh? gotta hammer that joke into the GROUND, Hello New Script

Autistic Caleb moments by episode (feel free to add things!)

Since people actually seemed interested in this list I’ve been making on my phone. Veeeery long but definitely not exhaustive, especially for earlier episodes! Also sorry there are mostly no time stamps… Spoilers up to E54.

Keep reading

#i may have gotten......a little carried away............#many of these are ripped from my old liveblogs but some. i crawled through transcripts for #like i said. carried away #anyway uhh? here? have?#still need a critical role tag

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inside-aut-blog · 5 years ago

Text

Autistic Caleb Widogast

Part One

Caleb Widogast of D&D web series Critical Role is widely recognized by the fan community as autistic-coded. There are many, many, many reasons why, and with the episodes numbering well into the dozens it would take several paragraphs to expound on on all of them.

So here’s the first in a series of posts doing precisely that.

EPISODE ONE:

There isn’t much here in episode one, but there is this:

Caleb uses stereotypically autistic speech patterns in the very first conversation he has in the show. Nott draws it to a close with “All right, well, that’s on the to-do list,” and Caleb immediately mirrors her phrasing with “All right, well, let’s get something to eat then.”

Later, down in the bar, Beau asks Nott if she is cold. Caleb misinterprets this to mean “Why are you wrapped up?” and subsequently explains, very defensively, that Nott is a goblin and obviously goblins are not well-liked in these parts and that is why she is wrapped up and Beau should drop it—which is, uh, pretty much the definition of blunt oversharing, no?

Caleb also, for the first time, shares his magic cat with someone else as an expression of kindness and a kind of second-hand socializing. Beau notes immediately that it’s “kind of therapeutic”; right away, Frumpkin is coded as an emotional support animal. (It helps that he takes Frumpkin absolutely everywhere, often choosing to carry him on his shoulders when he can just as easily pop him in and out of the general vicinity with a snap of his fingers.)

Still later, Jester rearranges one of the shops they visit, and Caleb grows nervous the moment he notices it (“A bit of nerves begin to brew up”). On the one hand, this is probably because he’s afraid of getting in trouble with the shopowner, but on the other: getting anxious at the sight of slight changes in your surroundings is pretty quintessentially autistic.

EPISODE TWO:

Caleb offers to give Nott his cat as a distraction from her urges to steal. Once again, Frumpkin is coded as an emotional support animal. And, on top of this, Caleb seems to hold the idea that—well, he helps me, so obviously he’ll help you too!

Nott reassures Caleb that they can leave the group at the drop of a hat if they need to. “They’ll never know who we were,” she says. “...Caleb and Nott,” he says, responding both literally and with a touch of confusion.

Caleb calls a man’s novel “trashy” and seems to realize a second too late that it was rude; he tacks on a very hasty “No judgement.”

Caleb compliment’s Beau’s muscles very awkwardly.

Caleb goes on to say, “We have been in the woods for too long. I’ve forgotten how to talk to people.” And sure, spending time away from society can make people a little weird. But needing practice to maintain basic social skills like complimenting people? Sounds autistic.

Caleb says, later, “I don’t know what you just said, but I am interested in books. Particularly in the arcane realm, but any kind of book.” That ticks two boxes at once: auditory processing troubles and special interests.

At one point, Beau references Frankenstein and Caleb doesn’t understand what she’s saying. It’s possible, out-of-universe, that this was a meta reference to Frankenstein not existing in the story’s universe, but consider—in-universe, Beau must have referenced the story world’s equivalent of Frankenstein, and Caleb did not get that reference. Therefore: Caleb is not only having difficulty following her metaphor, but he’s missed a pop culture reference.

EPISODE THREE: