#sorry if this is lowkey sloppy i just wanted to put it on paper

[cabinette]

I've been feeling a little weird in my own skin lately, so i projected my thoughts onto the Touden siblings

[rans-baby]

when they see you in someone else's jacket (pt. 2)

decided to do a pt. 2 with the men that i KNOW prefer to call you baby and princess ♡ also had to add some of @miyaniacsfaves :)

tw // bimbo-ish reader in koko's?, use of the word daddy

if y'all aren't in to that simply skip over it :) I like a variety of yn's: normal, bimbo, badass, you name it! so don't be surprised if you see a range in my writing

MANJIRO

mikey would say he's a pretty satisfied guy

he had japan's underground on lock, all the desserts he could ever ask for, and most importantly, you

he met you when you saved him from bleeding out in the streets right outside of the bakery you worked at, and he decided you were his from then on

he knew that everyone knowing about your relationship would put you in danger so he kept it under wraps for the most part, only mentioning it to the other executives

you were lowkey a bit insecure about this, and just being a regular civilian, you didn't really understand why he couldn't just tell everyone

"do you.. not want to be seen with me?" "no"

but he also failed to recognize how that came across because yes, he meant it but he didn't mean it the way that you were thinking

you silently left him alone and wandered out onto the streets lost in your thoughts, not even recognizing it was starting to rain until it started pouring

coincidentally, your male co-worker was walking on the same path and offered you his jacket

you gratefully took it and he was helping you put it on when mikey saw the two of you

now he's dealt with his dark impulses a few times in his life, but nothing compared to what he was feeling in that moment

he kept his usual impassive facade as he approached the both of you, seemingly ignoring the sound of the roaring blood in his ears and aggressive pounding in his head

he came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, just tight enough to make you squirm

"who's this princess?"

but before you could respond your coworker interjected "oh is this your brother? nice to meet you!" he said with an outstretched hand

you could feel his grip tightening but your previous conversation ran through your head and you responded "this is just a friend"

he started gripping you even tighter causing you to tap on his arms to release you but he just responded by laying sloppy kisses on your neck causing you to let out a short gasp

"do I look like her brother?"

KOKONOI

sweet koko loves treating you, only the best for his pretty girl! but he knew you weren't in it for the money

which is why he was only mildly surprised when he saw you walk into his office in, was that h&m?

now he might be a ~material boy~ but he understood the practicality of having "normal" clothes on a day to day basis but what he couldn't understand was why it looked so big

it occurred to him when you went to go sit on his lap and he caught a whiff of cheap cologne

he has literally never dropped you so quickly

all you could do was look up at him with tears in your eyes while sprawled on the floor

"did I do something wrong daddy?"

he HATED seeing you cry, it was his least favorite feeling and this was especially true when he was the reason

"sorry princess couldn't help it"

he put you back on his lap and let you lay your head in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent

"so princess, wanna tell me where you got the jacket? promise I won't get mad"

you squinted like it was hard for you to remember exactly how it got on you

"oh it was a nice man's! he saw me at the mall and called me pretty then gave me his jacket and a little piece of paper with a bunch of numbers on it! :)"

koko prided himself on being the most level-headed of the executives in bonten, but that was still a low low bar and he was still an executive of the most powerful gang in japan

"you think you can show me the paper baby? just wanna give him his jacket back"

you slowly took off the jacket revealing a tight corset top and tiny tennis skirt that barely covered your ass

"'m bout to lose it" "what'd you say daddy?" "oh nothing princess, how about we look at gettin' you some new jackets, I think saint laurent just released a new collection that would make you even prettier" "really daddy?"

he loved when you got that sparkle in your eye because he knew it wasn't excitement about being able to use his money, it was because he knew that you knew it was his way of showing you his love

"yeah baby, gotta make up for lettin' you get cold and droppin' you. 'm sorry you know that right?"

most people assumed that he was only into you because of your looks, but he has never been more sincere in his life and it was all because of you

you brought such a warm light in his life, not overwhelming but enough to warm him and for the first time in his life, the warmth on his skin didn't scare him

WAKASA

wakasa preferred women who could fend for themselves, he barely had enough energy to fight for himself and most of the time he didn't need to

his hair was recognizable enough to where people knew not to mess with him

it didn't matter to him who knew of your relationship with him so it was pretty commonplace to see him in and outside the gym with you

he knew you could fend for yourself and loved that about you, but sometimes wished you were a little less stubborn and would accept his help

he'd offered you his jacket in the past but most of the time you took offense to it, thinking that he thought you were incapable of taking care of yourself so he stopped offering over time

you were sick one day and while he noticed you were shivering a bit, he figured you'd get angry if he offered his jacket so he kept it to himself

you secretly wanted to ask but your pride got in the way

you took a quick break and let him know you were gonna run to the convenience store

on the way to the convenience store, the dizziness starting kicking in and before you realized it, you were falling

you felt yourself fall into someone's arms and you thought it was your boyfriend's so you let him wrap his jacket around you but the unrecognizable scent broke you out of that train of thought

the fever made it impossible to break free of his grip

"hey pretty lady, seen you around here with that little boy. what'd you say about lettin' me take care of you? bet I could do it better than him"

on a normal day, you would've kicked his ass to the sun and back but the fever was really starting to get to you and all you could do was squirm

that was the scene wakasa stumbled into after deciding to chase after you because fuck your stubborn nature you were still his to take care of whether you liked it or not

he was, by nature, just not a flashy guy so he knew that people who didn't know of his reputation underestimated him and it never bothered him before now

before either of you knew what was happening, a flying kick was sent the creep's way and he snatched you from his arms

"now didn't baby tell you to leave her alone?"

right as the creep was about to retaliate, you mustered what strength you had left to rip the jacket off of your body and throw it in his face long enough to distract him as you landed three solid kicks on his torso, watching him crumple in pain

wakasa caught you in his arms right as you were about to fall

"wish you weren't so stubborn sometimes princess, but you know that's why I love you right?"

[rimefucker]

who in ll do you think is a good wrapper??? ik florian is probably an amazing wrapper and honestly so are escell and scylla, anisa isnt, sage probably isn’t….but felix and rime are kind of a mystery lmao😭😭

i think ..... i'm hoping u mean wrapper as in gifting presents LOL. while we're here u know what ?! m3 + rime xmas headcanons

if this is not what u meant i am so SORRY LMFAO

anisa isn't, but she's a pretty good gift giver. her gifts are best spontaneous and small. she'll bring you a bunch of flowers from an area she patrolled in - no birthday, no holiday, she just thought they'd be something you'd enjoy. when an occasion does come around, our observant girl will get you anything and everything. you'll be at the marketplace with her, just commenting on a pretty pair of earrings, and she's made a mental note to come back and get it for you. can she wrap it? no! but she'll put it in a bag with a bow for you.

sage doesn't even BOTHER wrapping gifts. he holds it behind his back and purposely acts weird until you pick up on it. you don't even know he's got you something until it's with you. for example, he'll get you a necklace and put it on you himself while you're standing in the mirror. he thinks he's the best with gifts, which most likely isn't the case lol. god love him, but he'll procastinate shopping for you as long as possible. and NEVER!! let him get you anything clothing wise because there is no checking the sizes. he just grabs what he would like the most on you - and he doesn't even wear shirts, so ....

in a modern au he WOULD ask 'what size pussy u wear'. sorry

felix is an alright gift giver with ... subpar wrapping skills. he'll accidentally cut the paper too small, and then sit there and stare at it without realising he can wrap the gift horizontally. florian, like you said, is fantastic at both gift giving and gift wrapping. he's tried to teach felix all his tips and tricks but felix is not exactly the patient type. all his gifts are covered with taped down random pieces of paper because he didn't leave enough room for himself. it's a lil sloppy, sure, but he tried. he's also got a bad habit of buying you stuff that he personally wants for himself, especially anything necromancy-related. most of his gifts are impratical little trinkets, ngl. but whenever he goes to a different realm or what not, he always brings back a little something for you. (also, scylla wrapped all the presents in the family. florian had to let her do it because he couldn't stop telling people what he got them before the occasion.)

rime is such a good gift giver, but he doesn't know to not be competitive. he doesn't know how to keep gifts lowkey and small, either. he has to go all out. he also likes to get you things that he knows will benefit him later on LOL. he also loves the praise you give him over the gifts and what not but will act like it's no big deal. i feel like his wrapping skills are pretty damn solid!! if there's so much as a crinkle in the paper he'll just rewrap it all over again. pretty perfectionist boy

[iceman-maverick]

Favourite avengers movies scenes?

i went through avengers 1-2 because i’ve done similar posts to this about IW and i’m not really in the mood for reopening that wound at 1:32am and this really got away from me i make no apologies LOL 

(but i do thank you for asking!!)

avengers

Nick Fury’s drama in the opening scenes surpasses Real House Wives

NATASHA ROMANOFF

the fact that her stockings are ripped when she leans down to pick up her heels was such a fucking moment for like 11 year old me it meant big things that my badass angel was also feminine and still badass

Bruce pushing the baby carriage when he first meets Natasha foreshadowing omf he deserves more (and so does she)

Tony’s “his first name is Agent” to Coulson

Tony’s hair in this movie

Tony in this movie

Tony in every movie

Steve’s costume, specifically the cowl that makes him look like a big dumb EGG

“What you scared of a little thunder?”

pilates

Dick measuring contest between The Big Three that levels a forest

the sexual tension that launched mcu stony

tony rubbing at his eyes afterwards

literally i could do an entire thing about the argument on the helikraft mac and cheese

LOKI BLENDING THE GUY’S EYE AND THAT SMIRK

LOKI’s GERMANY OUTFIT

“you rented my room”

bruce banner was not here to play in this fucking movie

BLUEBERRIES!!

maria hill’s fucking useless “INCOMING!!” as like something i can’t fucking remember flies through the window this could be ultron actually idk i’m in a convent with nuns right now my memory is hazy

“ta r g ET ANGRY T A GRET ANG RY”

THE HULK ROCKETING OFF AND JUST YELLING DISTANTLY

“son you’ve got a condition”

NICK FURY’S FUCKING BAZOOKA WHY DID H E HAVE T HA T 

the comic book styling of having the camera track tony buzz around

tony and steve firing off the shield paralleling civil war angst omf

[TRUMPETS INTENSIFY]

the theme song that my heart beats to

tony hero stark saving the fucking world again

okay actually for the first time but you know, starting a trend

OKAY WAIT ONE OF THE FUNNIEST “NOT FUNNY” SEQUENCES IS WHEN TONY IS FALLING BACK TO EARTH AND THOR JUST STARTS WINDING UP THE HAMMER AND IS LIKE “HE’S NOT SLOWING DOWN” IDK WHY BUT I ALWAYS INTERPRETED THAT AS HE WAS GONNA LAUNCH THE FUCKING HAMMER AT TONY FOR NO FUCKING RE A SON 

thor ripping the iron man mask off is hot

STEVE’S FUKCING FACE WHEN TONY WAKE S T UP

tony literally died and his first thought was like literally DID CAPTAIN AMERICA KISS ME

the fact that in canon all of the big gay babies also known as the Avengers decided it was necessary to smoosh together for a big group shot just to be like “hey loki we w o n” and loki being just like “booze. now”

loki in chains ;)

get in losers we’re going to do science

the super dramatic nick fury monologue that is never addressed or revisited in ca:tws like fury is really like reverent about the avengers in this movie but then in winter soldier he’s just all like cap, listen, i have a story about paper bags and grandaddy

avengers: age of ultron

guys i know this movie sucked but it was also a stevetony Event

gROUP SHOT in the opening sequence

tony’s little “yay!” with the secret door

the vALIDATION OF TONY’S BIGGEST FEAR BEING STEVE DYING ESSENTIALLY IN HIS ARMS OMFFFFFFFFFF STUCKY WHERE

tony grabbing the scepter and then bIG DOOMSDAY MUSIC

literally the entire party sequence

especially slutty, slutty thor

bruce’s hair is BIG in this movie for no reason lol

tony looking sO CUTE WHEN THEY’RE BUILDING ULTRON

cliNT WHIPPING THE SHIELD TO CAP

TONY AND THE FONDUE FORK THING 

tony mourning jarvis (j fucking k whedon sucks)

“aw junior you’re gonna break your old mans heart” foreshadowing to hoco

im joking but imagine ultron having a “i didn’t want a little brother” complex with peter lmfAO

ultron chopping the guys from black panther’s hand off

i really really hate the 9/11 symbolism with the hulk and the tower ngl just wanted to put it out there how not okay that shit is

Bruce Banner sponsored by Beats by Dre

“we can go home steve” fORESHADOWING KINDA WHATEVER PARALLEL IDK TO IW STEVE BEING LIKE “LET’S GO HOME” I JUST REALIZED THIS AS I WROTE THIS IF YOU COULDN’T TELL

natasha backstory

when the red room lady is just like “schloppy” instead of sloppy and like the Russian Intensifies 

“together” is the gay agenda

tHOR STRANGLING TONY MAKES ME ANGRY BUT IT’S ALSO HOT

hawkeye’s stupid fucking family sucks bUT

bed-sharing fics

i wondered who got top bunk (steve)

THE LOG SCENE FASKLJFSDFSASF

I WILL FUCKIGN YEET MYSELF INTO THE SCREEN JUST TO FUCKING SHAKE STEVE FUCKING HYPOCRITICAL ROGERS LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE

MY TEAMMATES DON’T TELL ME THINGS

HUH

WOW

YEAH

HOW RUDE

AND COMPLETELY COUNTERPRODUCTIVE

TO HIDE CRITICAL INFORMATION 

FROM TEAMMATES

INFORMATION THAT AFFECTS THEIR ENTIRE LIFE

EVERYTHING THEY KNOW TO BE TRUE

INFORMATION THAT IS NOT YOURS TO HIDE

WHAT A COMPLETE BETRAYAL OF TRUST

ON WHICH THE AVENGERS WERE FOUNDED UPON

TRUST THAT SHOULDN’T BE B ROKE N 

ESPECIAKLY TO SERVE YOUR OWN NE E DS 

PRIORITIZING YOUR OWN AGENDA OVER THE TR UT H 

okay sorry im back 

nick fury is tony’s dad!!!!!!!!!!!!

STEVE IS SO FUNNY IN THIS MOVIE FOR NO REASON

when clint is like “cap hold off ultron” and steve is just getting his ass kicked and dangling off of a truck or something and is like “wHAT DO YOU THINK I’VE BEEN DOING”

“you’re not a match for him cap” “thanks barton”

WHEN THAT TRUCK TAKES FLIGHT

yOU DIDN’T FINI S H

“thor you’re irritating me”

quick little bastard

nobody

the entire ending of that movie lowkey sucks

costel. we were in the market more like L AM E you let the wrong twin die

“They think order and chaos are somehow opposites and try to control what won’t be. But there is grace in their failings... I think you missed that” is weirdly beautiful but also a whole lotta yadayadayada it’s like a fake deep lana del rey song which i really never thought i would associate with vision but now that i think about it he’s like basically carmen 

elVATOR’S NOT WORT H Y 

BESIDES THIS ONE, THERE’S NOTHING THAT CAN’T BE EXPLAINED

that man has no regard for lawn maintenance 

a lot of manful tears oh tony if only you knew how he was gonna break your heart sweetie im sorry you never stood a chance

self driving car was a nice touch

why is tony’s car that hideous red tho like it’s loud and ugly

“i’m home”

i thought you two were still gazing into each other’s eyes

why was nat just staring at that wall in the room

what the fuck is that room anyway

like is that in interpretative art peace

what the fu c k 

[plehdis]

boyfriend!joshua

hong

joshua hong

where do I start off with this handsome boy

well for one, the whole ‘gentleman’ title given to him isn’t far off from how he is with his significant other

so let’s start off from where they meet

so she’s a new and upcoming photographer for a magazine

and her work is very well talked about and is always being praised for being the next photographer for the new generation of celebrities

so low and behold she’s the photographer for seventeen’s next magazine shoot

which is big thing for her friends rather than herself bc like

‘omg sEND ME THE PICTURES OF THE ONES THAT DON’T GET APPROVED’

and she’s like ‘ha ha ha’

obviously she doesn’t because cmon man the celebrities have rights y’know

she can’t just abuse that

anyways

she goes and gets set up in the location they’ll be taking pictures in

a brick-walled studio that was previously used industrialy

she really likes the rustic feel despite them having to use a white back drop for most of the single shots and the group ones

she doesn’t really have other people helping her, aside from her brother that comes to drop off the lightning and to pick them up after wards

she prefers working alone, not liking having people there to give their opinions bc like, she’s the photographer and she knows what she’s doing

so she take half an hour to test out the lighting, shift around a few things before the group finally walks through the door

and they’re all kind and greet her together and indivdually

in particular her eyes stop onto one of the members

his name was joshua if she wasn’t mistaken

he just seem so perfect in her eyes

coffee brown hair, alluring cat-like eyes and perfectly plump lips

wonder how they feel against her own

(y/n) sNAP OUT OF IT

this is actually the first time she’s ever felt this way about a client

and she’s been with some ❀◕ ‿ ◕❀ attractive people

anyways, she introduces herself and what she had in mind for the shoot

‘so I’d like to take the single shots before the group shots because the natural light from the window only stay with us for only so long. I’d like to next take the unit shots and group shots before the final large shot because I believe the artificial lighting will work best without the interference of the natural light’

yes she’s had this prepared for a while

the guys nod and pick among one another the line up

after half an hour it’s finally joshua’s turn

and he bows before starting because he’s so nice and actually pretty nervous

because it’s a pretty photographer he’s gotta look good right?

but in her eyes he’s perfect like ‘omg stop being so handsome’

she’s trying to be professional but he’s making it really hard

anyways after fifteen minutes she finally gets the shots she needs before thanking him

and there’s like a spilt moment when their eyes meet before he ducks away

‘so cute’

so the photo shoot goes along nicely, everyone being friendly and open to the suggestions she gave in order to make the shot a bit smoother and please their company boss

then finally group shoot comes around and she honestly can’t focus her camera lens

for some reason ends up going toward him despite him not being the lead center

so much so she calls for a five minute break as ‘she has another camera she think will suit him the shoot

she jogs over to her stuff and there he is just standing drinking a bottle of water

and the sight was breathtaking

it took her a moment to snap out of it

like today was not her day at allshe was always so calm and in charge during these times

but when a cute attractive male comes in the picture she’s done and she’s photographed cha eunwoo and ok taecyeon a few times before

‘can we get this finished? the boys have a music show in three hours’

(y/n) couldn’t help but almost glare harshly at the manager who wasn’t helping with the time restraint

she could finish any time but just because of him (and joshua being joshua) she’ll take her time

anyways

after all the pictures are taken and they take final shots, sadly her time with the group ends and they are bowing and thanking her for her time

she sighs as they all head to leave, while she goes to her bag to pack her things for her brother to pick up on his way from lunch

she notices a little ripped paper waiting on the top of her things

till she realizes it’s a phone number

‘so I know this might be sudden but I can’t pass this chance up. Call me?’

omg omg

she’s shocked but confused at the same time

who would’ve placed the number? is it even a number from the group members?

but she still takes the chance and saves the number into her phone

the contact name being ‘mystery man’

she wait a few hours since she took the time to skim through the photos she was to send to the editor of the magazine

because she knows she only should send limited photos but cannot help but be biased when looking over joshua’s shots

accidentally send 10 extra ones of him

let’s pretend that never happen

she eyes her phone before realizing the mystery man asked for her to call him

she doesn’t know what about but she likes the idea of not knowing who it is

because there’s really a chance of it being someone that was the behind the scene’s help

but it also could be one of the members

she is young for her profession

as told by critics before giving her a chance to show her talent

she contemplates for a minute or so before pressing on the contact and bringing the phone to her ear

‘hello?’

‘uh hello, this is (y/n) speaking’

‘ah, so you read my message’

‘well yeah, it’s pretty hard to miss it’

jOSHUA HONG YOU SLICK BOY

nvm

yOURE GREASY BUDDY

‘sorry I couldn’t do this face to face, I was pretty shy and wasn’t sure what to do. the guys kinda had to push me a bit’

‘it’s alright, what’s up?’

‘right, I was wondering if you wanted to go out on friday? If you’re not busy of course’

‘I’d love to joshua, there’s a restaurant near the photoshoot location, does that sound alright?’

‘sounds lovely, see you then’

not as lovely as your voice josh

after a few days she finally realizes she has a date

gosh dang schedules  (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

and she hasn’t gone on a date for a while so she doesn’t know what to wear

at least she took a shower (✿◠‿◠)

so she ends up being a tad late

bc she sees him already sitting down

‘shit  (╯◕_◕) (╯◕_◕) (╯◕_◕)╯‘

‘i’m so sorry I didn’t realize the time and-’

‘you look beautiful’

she stops herself after hearing his low chuckle and blushes because like

‘I’m trying to explain myself but you’re hear laughing at me’

‘but it’s okay because your laughter is cute and making me blush’

‘thanks?’

he gestures for her to take a seat in front of him

and she swears she catches him stare at her at least like 5 times after the waiter had taken their order

‘why are you-’

‘did you know you had really nice eyes?’

‘what wut’

‘yeah, they’re like a nice shade of (eyecolour)’

he’s cheesy and he knows it

literally she’s a blushing mess the whole time

like she could be mistaken for applying too much blush

he’s sweet and the conversation has a nice flow

and honestly it’s been a while since she’s been able to do this

and she really hopes there’s a part two

but without the surprise compliments

he ends up walking her home because like

why not

and of course he pulls the classic ‘you’re cold? take my jacket’

ah the cringe

‘I had a great time tonight’

‘me too, I’d love to do this again. If you’re up for it of course’

‘Sounds great’

And so the pair go meet with one another when their schedules allow them too

and it’s a nice time for the both of them, with the hand holding and chaste kisses

heck they’re practically a couple it’s just

no one asked anyone out yet

and she isn’t sure if she should ask about it but

it’s lowkey killing her inside to know

like it’s being childish but she wants to be able to refer to him as her ‘boyfriend’ and likewise with him

so one day when walking back to her home she asks

‘I was wondering about something’

‘go on’

‘are we together or-like are we a thing-’

*insert the surprise kiss* o shiet

‘so does that answer your question?’

‘uh yeah. could we do that again?’

-

so you’re probably wondering why the shy and gentle joshua is written as a straightforward guy

well I think if he really liked a person, and given the confidence boost and advice he might have been given from the guys

he’s would be like this

and it’s not like he won’t revert back to his usually self

but seeing us he may not know what to do or how to act

this front he puts up is just so he was able to speak to you bc

without it we could be looking at a year before actually said/did anything romantic

anyways back to the pair

so considering the hectic and unforgiving schedules, I feel like calling/video chatting and instant messaging may be the most used out of the relationship

besides cute cringy texting emoji are thing between the pair

and when they are able to see one another, they take advantage by planning out a nice but simple date

I think the main thing with him is hand holding and affectionate gestures whenever he can

like walking in public would consist of him holding her hand, pulling her close for quick pecks

and don’t get me started on the guys

they adore her

lowkey the members of their fanclub #jisooX(y/n)

guitar playing

she absolutely finds him playing the guitar the most fascinating thing in the world

she loves just watching him play anything

lowkey watches any video on the internet of him playing the guitar (pre-debut joshua anyone?)

and she really wants him to teach her but rather let him be the one to play guitar out of the couple

just in general and cute couple who have their own passions and always seem to find time in their schedules to love one another

author’s note: this is really sloppy but over due. thanks for requesting!

more boyfriend!seventeen

vernon

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13th May 2018

Top 10

It’s pretty stale over here. We still have “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa at the top spot, spending its fourth week there.

“Nice for What” by Drake has jumped up a single place to the runner-up spot.

That’s because “No Tears Left to Cry” by Ariana Grande took a step down to number-three.

That song that I refuse to name until the end-of-year lists come around is still at number-four, quite obviously to my dismay.

“2002” by Anne-Marie is also steady at number-five.

“Answerphone” by Banx & Ranx and Ella Eyre featuring Yxng Bane is surprisingly making upward moves, up two spaces to number-six this week.

“Paradise” by George Ezra is sticking to its place at number-seven.

“Lullaby” by Sigala featuring Paloma Faith is also moving up two spots, right to number-eight. This has more longevity than I thought.

“Psycho” by Post Malone featuring Ty Dolla $ign took a three-space hit to number-nine after the album boosts.

And speaking of Post Malone, to round off the top ten, we have “Better Now”, down one but still sticking onto the top ten.

Climbers

So, outside of the top ten, we don’t have many notable climbers other than “Flames” by David Guetta and Sia continuing to succeed, jumping eight spaces to #11. We also have the absolutely atrocious “Familiar” by Liam Payne and J Balvin up six spaces to #25. I sincerely hope this does not become a hit anytime soon.

Fallers

There’s actually not that many notable drops this week either. We do have a streak of five-spot falls for “Say Something” by Justin Timberlake featuring Chris Stapleton to #26, “Mad Love” by Sean Paul featuring Becky G and David Guetta to #29, and “Be Careful” by Cardi B to #39, as well as a six-spot fall for “Call Out My Name” by The Weeknd to #23, but the real loser here is Post Malone, who not only has the top ten drops, but an 11-position drop for “Paranoid”, now at #22.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

“Jumanji” by B Young is the only returning entry here, but in terms of dropouts, we have “Make Your Own Kind of Music” by Paloma Faith from #28, “Never Enough” by Loren Allred from #40, “Wake Me Up!” by Avicii featuring Aloe Blacc from #33, “Let Me” by ZAYN from #35 and, finally, “SAD!” by XXXTRAEDGY, from #39.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Man Down” – Shakka featuring AlunaGeorge

So to my knowledge, this has been bubbling under for a while, and I honestly can’t understand why it took this long to break into the top 40. I mean, it’s the typical dancehall percussion with some extra reverb and autotuned Cookie Monsters, with some cringeworthy lyrics from both Shakka and AlunaGeorge, who has a pretty decent performance over all the paper-cutting sounds they call “finger-snaps” and “hand-claps”. There’s some skittering trap drums and a pretty blatant sub-bass that might be too in the front of the mix, but otherwise, this is just what I’d expect from Yxng Bane or Not3s doing a song with RAYE, so honestly I think I’m disappointed when two somewhat under-the-radar artists sacrifice better music for their big hit. Ah, well.

#36 – “First Time” – M-22 featuring Medina

Medina’s softly-sung melodies are very much wasted over the thumping dance beat and repetitive piano and synth loops. The lyrics are actually reminiscent of the first time doing something, most likely sex, because of course, and I can definitely see that in Medina’s desperate enthusiasm, but the vocal drop leaves much to be desired, and the verses and hook can feel overly repetitive. However, it is just a very short, sort of lowkey song, with a few buzzing synths and a great performance from Medina, but mediocre production from M-22. Sorry that these two reviews might feel a bit on-the-fence and lifeless, but is that not ideal for these drab, middling-quality singles?

#35 – “Youth” – Shawn Mendes featuring Khalid

So, this is the latest single from Shawn Mendes’ upcoming self-titled album. This song, particularly, is about the Manchester attacks, and Shawn and Khalid’s beautifully soulful vocal performances show that, especially Khalid, both in the verses and the anthemic hook. I also love the fact that it isn’t a dreary piano ballad, that it definitely could have been; instead it’s a pump-up pop rock track with tropically-tinged guitar strumming, a steady beat and a lack of skittering trap percussion or, in fact, most recent pop clichés, which really shows that this track is from Shawn’s heart. As much as Khalid’s deep, sleepy cadence is an automatic win-me-over moment, I think Shawn’s writing is as sharp as ever, and the energy on this, once again, very short track is infectious. Props to both men on this one because this is some of the best both have put out, but it’s still not all that interesting, keeping it back from being anywhere near great – just a solid tune.

#16 – “I’ll be There” – Jess Glynne

Despite absolutely despising that absolute trainwreck of an unlistenable vocal sample that runs throughout the whole song and is never drowned out by the percussion or Jess Glynne’s borderline-yodelling, in fact, in the chorus, it just gets pitched higher, I’m thankful that this passed my expectations, simply because I thought it would have a botched sample of the Friends theme song by The Rembrandts. Thank God it doesn’t, but this is still terrible, but mostly due to that aggravating vocal sample and Jess Glynne’s yodelling nonsense. Otherwise, there’s nothing outright offensive about this, which makes it all the more unbearable.

#14 – “This is America” – Childish Gambino

Now, this was massive due to its video, and while I appreciate the video, Donald Glover as a filmmaker, comedian and musician, and to an extent, the song’s message, I really can’t gravitate to the big single itself here. The choir in the intro and throughout is easily the best part, with their joyful vocalising and hook, “we just want to party, party just for you”. However, this is where it goes downhill. The trap beat comes in and it feels like a cluttered, unfinished, unpolished mess as Gambino has some (purposefully) underwhelming rap verses, with some energetic ad-libs from BlocBoy JB, Slim Jxmmi, 21 Savage, Quavo and Young Thug, who also provides excellently smooth singing on the outro. Thugger definitely steals the show here from the simplistic, lazy bars that Gambino spits. It doesn’t matter if that’s the point or the message or whatever – it’s still a dull, half-hearted and more importantly trash pair of verses. I like the choir being drowned out by ad-libs and autotune, but as soon as it transitions to the pathetic attempt at being menacing with the sirens and the gunshot-like percussion, I tune out. The distorted autotuned screams are fantastic, and I do love the chorus and outro here, but everything else, as well as those sections themselves, have this sloppy, junky beat. As a single, this is disappointing to say the least, and it’s downright sad that Glover’s worst song since 2013 is what has set its eyes on taking the US #1 spot from Drake. If you like messy, all-over-the-place clusters of a whole bunch of song elements cheaply piled together, you’ll love it. Unfortunately, with me, that is not the case.

Conclusion

Yeah, sadly, the first Childish Gambino song I’m covering on this series, “This is America”, is getting Worst of the Week. I love this dude’s music, but, man, this is a serious misstep. Dishonourable Mention goes to “I’ll be There” by Jess Glynne, but it’s pretty obvious who takes Best of the Week: Shawn Mendes and Khalid for “Youth”. Nothing here is good enough to deserve Honourable Mention, so hopefully next week can be less... horrible in its new entries. Peace.