#sorry i'm feeling so many things lately

[merricatblckwood]

I'm wondering if I should be active on twitter cause I see the ofmd community that it created and I have big FOMO seeing all the people meeting each other and become friends and going to events and lately HAVING A DRINK WITH RHYS DARBY (???) And I'm like I want to belong to this but first I'm scared as shit of twitter there is so much drama and second groups of friends are already formed and third I don't think I'm interesting enough to stand out and belong to this community?? Anyway I'm renting. THOUGHTS? (Said in this Nathan Foad voice, you know the one) thanks

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[sciderman]

I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

[essektheylyss]

literally laughed out loud at Matt's face when he admitted that Lester was trying to hide something, truly the scrungliest detective in Newfaire

[joelscruff]

the amount of anxiety this site gives me lately is ridiculous

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

girls sorry that almost everything i write bout m2 is either gloomy either cruel (or sometimes unrealistically happy) & u write like ahh tragedy

bc i dont know fr the last time i was happy ig were a brief periods in 2018 & 2021 that ended quickly and after that all these periods of energy & joy were through gritted teeth actually and yk i asked my friend do you think how we're feeling rn can be called depression n she answers fkin of course bc i cant even treat this as depression like to me it's just acceptance that yes every day you feel such an unbearble pain and agony but like. this is just the way life's turning out. genuinely not funny at all. i feel like everything around me slowly dies and ofc you can't help but wonder "when it'll be my turn?" not in a way you wanna die (tho this sometimes too) but like that this is something inevitable. i don't drink but i smoke and ik that it fucked up my health i've been smoking 3 yrs now and i sometimes wonder when the most awful consequenses will show up but i can't quit bc literally what else i can do. and your eyes hurt from witnessing this life my eyes water constantly bc life hurts so much. bc you don't have the chance to have a life you're literally just surviving and it's such a big achievement that you're simply alive & dont kys. before i had some hopes for the future but now i understand that it's better not to have any - bc this hope just hurts even more. it's not only bout the war & goverment etc but mundane simple life as well bc so much things are out of your control. and the ones that is under - god you have no strength. yes genuinely this isn't funny at all. i learn to enjoy simple things in this life. seeing my friend almost daily brings me so much joy. this is such a big happiness to me. and seeing my other friends or just ppl that are dear to me. it's a big thing. art is also the other thing that is left that makes this life bearable tho i know since the 2nd part of 2023 i started to work in the drawer again. i have no strength to do otherwise honestly. call this pathetic but genuinely you'll be so wrong for calling this pathetic. tho sometimes i do feel this. yk yesterday i saw some of my classmates and i see that they can afford some bigger things like travelling and the only thing i can afford is a metro card. and yes you feel pathetic for this. genuinely i do such a big work for going out from the shell and seeing not only my closest friend. bc this hurts and i can't blame mslf for this anymore. the things i despise mslf for is the bursts of inner agression but thank god for my meds and self-control so i show this less that i've could & sorry if my agression somehow shows i try my best genuinely. anyway bout life. yes witnessing this hurts bc you feel like you're already dead. you wanna smile faintly and laugh quietly at urslf. sometimes it feels like this frame from filth when he looks at the camera w a wicked smile and watering eyes and then hangs himself. yes this is the most exact depiction (sometimes it feels more like nina's look from one of the final scenes where she gives up on everything and returns to her sick mother. she has no choice. same thing for me). but just for the record i've never watched filth so this is just my personal interpretation of that scene. maybe thank god that it doesn't feel like that look from tennenbaum family where he looks in the mirror and says "i'm gonna kill mslf tomorrow". ik that i'll stay here as long as i'm supposed to. tho yesterday i felt that completely delulu thing (i perfectly understand that this is a delusion) that maybe if i'd kms it'd be easier for everyone bc i feel like a very heavy person rn. i can't talk about good things (well i can actually! i do talk about it. i sometimes stay positive and not neutral) and yk my grandfather killed himself. my grandma once said to me that she felt relieved after he did. i though the same bout mslf yesterday (i felt this pretty often after she said this to me, it was in 2021) bc i know i know that probly he and me are much alike alas. idk fr idk

[artist-rat]

never quite finished this, but it’s been about 3 months since we had to part with our beloved kitty, Minni, and i sketched this a bit after she had passed and a lynx happened to visit our family members’ yard

[sskk-manifesto]

Finally got around to watching ep 11 (´；ω；｀)

[aimer-arts]

I rly wish i could draw your characters but my hands have a physical aversion to drawing lines, what if i wrote you some sort of short story or something? It probably wouldnt be more than 1000 words since like, i have 18 million things going on, but like, if i were to, what should i know?

OHHHH MY GODDD?? I would absolutely LOVE that ;_; <3 <3

I'm assuming you'd want to make something about Team Fate (my explorers team)? In that case, I don't think there's a ton of information you need to know; all of their personality traits and quirks are implied in the art I've made of them, so I don't think you could go wrong!

here's a guide I quickly put together!! hopefully it's somewhat helpful

(more rambling below)

So basically, my pmd teams pretty much follow the canon personalities they have in the games: for example, Piper (eevee hero) has a very reserved and quiet personality just like the player character in the games, and doesn't speak or emote much - but she talks and laughs the most around her partner.

Clementine (vulpix partner) is pretty similar to the explorers partner; she's jittery and nervous, but loves to ramble about adventuring to Piper (who loves to listen). She scares easily, but feels stronger with Piper - so in a way, they basically complete each other. They balance out each other's weaknesses, and give each other strength.

[keydekyie]

let's be real for a second, being on social media is soooo so bad for you, and yet! it's the thing all artists/writers/creatives are supposed to constantly engaging with in order to "grow your audience" and "market yourself"

but it's poison! it's poison! I'm never less creative than when I've been active on social media!

What is the solution??? idk, but if you're ever out there wondering how the hell anyone gets any fucking thing done EVER in this stupid social-media-saturated age, then know you're not alone, dammit.

Because I don't fucking know either.

[natelia-aldelliz]

Guys... Listen I know I said I'd draw something for valentine's day but I had a bit of a rough week sooooo I'm just going to write it out instead, maybe I'll finish drawing it some day, maybe not. It's behind a show more because it's long.

(also there's talks about having sex but no actual sex, and like, general warnings about Ghost's backstory but it's very vague here).

Soap was hanging around outside, trying to bring himself to do something, anything. But the weather was nice for a February day, and the sun was out, and it was making him feel like a cat basking in the heat.

An arm wrapped itself around his shoulders, a huge body suddenly weighing on him. Ghost.

Soap hummed comfortably. This day was getting better by the minute. Any chill he might have felt from being outside in a tank top out of pure Scottish spite was instantly soothed.

Simon often times saw himself as a cold man, freezing to the touch, hidden behind a layer of ice. A proper little Elsa, Soap almost snorted out loud. The truth was that while yes, his fingers and toes' temperature was sometimes abysmal, especially in bed, the rest of him was the warmest place Johnny had ever been.

"I've got something for you in our room," Ghost whispered against his throat, making Soap shiver.

Simon had begun calling Soap's room theirs a few weeks ago and Johnny couldn't have enough of it. He was so in love it genuinely hurt sometimes to restrain himself from squeezing him to death.

"Is that so?" he purrs, knowing how Ghost likes that. If this day didn't end in sex he'd be very surprised. He'd long learned to recognize when Simon wanted sex and when he didn't, and the way he squeezed his pec in response to his voice was a very easy tell.

But then again Simon was way less subtle than he thought he was.

They made their way back to their room, and there it was, a repurposed shoebox, badly wrapped with cheap wrapping paper. Johnny couldn't be more excited, he had never received any gift from a significant other. To be fair he adored gifting but always felt awkward receiving.

But this was Simon. Something that Simon had chosen to give him.

He sat on the bed, leaving enough space behind him for Ghost to sit there so he could use him as a very comfortable backrest. When he did, he grabbed the gift and began opening it.

He knew that Ghost liked to tear the wrapping paper, liked the sound of it and liked tearing it into the smallest pieces possible after, but he himself loved carefully unwrapping it and folding it flat so he could later maybe do an origami with it or put a piece in his journal. Probably both.

This one was full of tape but he still very much enjoyed himself, considered it a challenge. He enjoyed the chase, wanted to drag it on. Ghost huffed impatiently behind him, a bit tense, probably nervous.

Inside the box was a weird old fashioned clunky thing. It was bright red, looked slightly like binoculars, definitely from the 70's, with a wheel of tiny pictures wedged in the top of it. Memories hit him all at once.

"Oh my god ah remember, my Ma had one of these when ah was a child! My sister and I loved it, it had pretty landscapes in!"

He put it against his eyes, excited to see what this one came with. At his biggest surprise, it was a picture of them. Simon had customised it.

The picture showed the back of himself a bit further away from the camera, pointing at something while in full gear, in a dilapidated town, Ghost's face in the foreground looking at the camera. It looked like Soap was talking to someone, but that person was cut by the framing.

"Wait, ah remember that mission, it's when ah saved Gaz from a landmine just to be shot seconds later," he laughed. "ah spent two fucking weeks in the hospital, ah was miserable. Ye kept joking ah should hiv left Gaz explode while staring at him, he was convinced ye actually wanted him dead!"

Then the next picture was indeed him in his hospital bed, unconscious but the state of his injuries told him he was probably just sleeping at least a few days after his admission, his life no longer in danger. In this one, Ghost was sleeping too, head in his elbow near Soap's head and his other hand holding Soap's hand.

"Who took this one?" Soap asked, moved by the tenderness of Ghost's hold on him in the picture. It would have been right after Johnny had admitted to maybe liking him more than friends, before they were officially dating.

"The hospital one?"

Soap hummed.

"Price did. Said it was for blackmail. Should have seen him, he looked like his child had just married the person of their dreams and had ridden off into a rainbow on a unicorn or some shit. Old man's sentimental as fuck, but I didn't call him on his bullshit, he's already old, that's punishment enough."

Soap giggled in response. The next few pictures were all of them together but each time he was either turning his back or asleep.

"Why the fuck am ah never looking at the camera?" he whined. He wanted some cute couple pictures, dammit!

"Couldn't have you suspecting what I was planning," Simon said, kissing his shoulder soothingly. Only then Soap noticed that he had taken his mask off at some point and turned to ask for a proper kiss, which he immediately got.

"Keep going, there's more pictures," Simon whispered against his lips when he tried to turn around to kiss him some more. His pouting only got him a smirk in response, so he got comfortable again and brought the slide viewer back against his eyes.

He was happy he did. The next picture waiting for him was just Simon in the mirror, almost in full gear, but with one gloveless hand dragging his trousers down so the camera could see the bottom of his stomach, follow along his happy trail and reaching the very top of his pubic hair. The picture cut of his head, but he could see that his mouth was uncovered and he was holding the glove with his teeth.

Soap groaned. "Steaming Jesus, love, you're so hot."

He felt Simon hide his face in the back of his neck, warmer than usual, and chuckled a bit. He loved him so fucking much.

There were four more pictures of Simon, in various suggestive poses and states of undress, some almost showing his cock but never quite committing, making Johnny feel like he was being teased.

He was getting hard though and so ready to be done with the pictures and access the real thing. But Simon was still tense behind him. In fact, he had only gotten tenser and tenser with each click.

Soap was unsure why. They never had a problem with their sexual life, Simon had already changed his mind about having sex after starting and Soap had absolutely no problem with that, was glad to hug him instead and reassure him when he had tried to apologize.

Simon knew that there was no pressure, ever, to have sex. Hell, Johnny would still be happy even if Simon decided that he never wanted to have sex again, and he had made sure to make Simon understand that.

Then he got to the last picture and immediately understood.

It wasn't a picture of either of them, just a little bit of paper, with a few words written in Ghost's awful handwriting.

Just a few words that made Johnny drop the viewer on the covers and turn around to grab Simon's face, worriedly looking in his eyes.

"Are you sure?" he asked, looking for any trace of Simon forcing himself. "Baby, ah'm happy to bottom for the rest of mah life, there's no pressure, okay?"

Simon looked at him with warmth in his eyes and his cheeks completely red, a wrapping bow added on top of his head. "I know," he said simply. "I just want to. I don't want to be haunted by memories anymore. I used to like it, and I want to like it again. With you. Just.... Be gentle, okay?"

Johnny kissed his forehead. "Ah dinnae think ah ken how no tae be gentle with ye, love."

[mistfallengw2]

Once again missing a brainstorm buddy on my same wavelength, because bouncing ideas at the wall like I'm playing squash doesn't really work with the idea I had yesterday. It gives me way too much freedom for my own good, so much that there are just at least 2-3 cool options for each decision I could take, but I gotta pick only one each and there's no clear winner T_T Oh the curse of having too many good ideas :')

[anonyanonymouse]

🙈

[zahnffxiv]

we picked up where we left off and after a wild roller coaster of a ride, we managed to close the book on dsr!!

[helenhuntingdon]

Of course another lesbian show was cancelled

[kenobster]

I'm so upset because Anakin as a character has made me question both my sexual identity (aroace in an atypical lesbian relationship) AND my gender identity (feminine enby who prefers she/her mostly, they/them ocassionally). >.<

Like. He's so hot. He's so pretty. His hair is so sweaty. In the finale of TCW Season 1, he basically hotwired a communication gadget (salivates). If he spends one single night in the proximity of less-than-perfect starfighters, I demand that he be covered in engine grease by morning!! THIS POST exists... Is it normal to be this horny??? Is it normal to want to see him spar/roughhouse/get beat up??? Do I truly feel no sexual attraction??? Am I a fraud???

And like. He's so masculine. He's so toxic. He beats the shit out of a dude that tried to kiss his wife -- not because said wife was saying "no" at the time but actually just because he was jealous. He wants to be seen as a Man™. He radiates no-homo vibes while he sucks Rex's dick (and vice versa). He probably scores less than zero on a pain-tolerance scale... Is it okay that I love writing in his POV? Is it normal have fun Jedi-adventure dreams inhabiting this trashfire man's body (including FEELING that masculine jaw!!)??? Do I really draw the line at he/him pronouns??? Am I absolutely sure???? (Is my aversion to trans-masculinity maybe a construct of societal expectations of what it means to be 'manly' or--no, nope, that's too much to unpack, that's a thesis-length post, and I'm not ready for another gender crisis gdi.)