#sorry i’m getting bitter again 😭 in the tags 😭😭

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

People acting surprised when a morally grey character is actually morally grey 😲

THIS ….. i feel like a LOT of people consume media under the assumption that morally gray characters are characters who always perfectly tiptoe the line between black and white, and not…… characters who do horrible horrible things but still treat one single person with all the care in the world. or characters who are on the ’good’ side of the story and do good things while also being fully willing to cross any line they’re told to cross. and etc. morally gray characters are complex and can be anywhere on the morality spectrum except right at the very end of either side. they’re not a perfect shade of gray, they just aren’t completely black or completely white. sigh…….

[azullumi]

“there’s so many fishes in the sea but i never learned how to swim” ; aventurine

summary — a guide to pining presented by yours truly, aventurine.

pairing — aventurine (w/ gender-neutral reader)

tags — fluff, secret pining but like aventurine can be too obvious, not proofread, 0.8k ; headcanons

tagging — @toorurs (sorry boo i forgot to tag 😭)

note — i know i could have done better with this one, my brain wasn’t just working and im also on a trip. this is day 6 and 7 of writing for him until i get him !!

Aventurine yearns for connection yet he erects tall walls of self-preservation, fearing vulnerability, attachment, and betrayals (the shadow of his fear of losing someone dear to him all over again will haunt and follow his steps). He’s always distant, seemingly detached to the people around him like a leaf that never touches the ground as the wind carries it away; his only drive for relationships is due to mutual-benefit or a give-and-take situation. So what happens to him when he falls and yearns for someone?

Love is violence, he knows that but his eyes would stumble after your shadow and he wonders what it feels like to live in it. He’ll lie under your gaze and he’ll dream what it feels like to be seen, what it feels like to be loved by you. He will seek ways to be close to you but not close enough that you’ll know the rhythm of his heart spells out the letters of your name. In each moment of longing, it is all tinged with a taste of bitterness as this yearning, though desired, is a precarious precipice—everything will crumble and fall once he speaks about it.

So he settles with stolen looks with wishful thinking that you’ll cast a glance at his direction, he settles with the small things at first before he begins to become selfish—he’ll make up reasons just to see and talk to you, think of excuses just so he could linger a little longer in your presence. He’ll make up games and initiates bets where he knows he’ll always win but would let himself lose anyways; winning or losing didn’t matter to him in those moments with you.

“Go ahead, guess.”

You fell into a deep thought, staring at the two hands balled into fist that are in front of you. Your eyebrows were scrunched, trying to listen to the voice of your instinct but everything was silent inside your head.

“Take your time. After all, whoever loses has to follow what the winner wants.” Aventurine spoke and you could discern the hint of amusement in his tone as he watched you fall into some sort of predicament—all you had to do was to choose which one of his hands was the coin in. It was just one of the simple games you’ll play with him every time you see each other. Come to think of it, his visits to your department have been quite frequent despite having no particular business, official or not.

“Shh. I’m thinking.” You answer, lifting your index finger to your mouth in a hush gesture. It took you a few moments of silence and thoughtful humming before you pointed at his left hand, “That one.”

But he opens his left hand to show nothing on his palm, his right hand revealing the coin at the same time, and you are hit with a wave of disappointment. A chuckle slips past his lips and you just sighed—there was nothing you could do but to admit defeat. “Well then, what do you want me to do?”

Aventurine, without a single second of hesitation, answered. “Let me take you out to dinner.”

The thing is you could have laid yourself bare to him, you could tell him all of the sins that taint your skin, the words left unspoken in your mouth, the growing mold in your lungs. He’ll see the rot and will choose to stay, he’ll see the cobwebs and dusty bookshelves, and he’ll love you still, he’ll see the torn wallpapers and ruined floors and he’ll still adore you (he’ll find you where you are most ruined and he will love you there).

(His hand would gently tug and hold at the cuffs of your sleeves, letting the warmth and closeness of his touch linger in hopes that you’ll see him in the sun that holds you gently.)

Many people claim that they love you but do they adore you the same way as he does? Would they cross bridges for you when he’ll swim oceans just to see the way your eyes catch the light? Would they traverse the stars just to listen to the sound of your laughter? 

(He’ll see the dirt in your hands and will help you wash it off when others would simply walk away.)

He’ll think of you as he laid in his bed, satin sheets all wrinkled and messy as his pillows scattered around his form, and he wondered how nice it would be to have your things among his. to have the smell of your perfume mixed with his, to have you in his arms before he sleeps (he has dreams of his dreams and you’re always in it).

All this yearning, longing, and adoration will turn into a sword that will make him bleed the more he holds on to it and you’ll stay in his thoughts as the blood will run dry on his being. He simply hopes he crosses your mind once in a while so that he won’t feel pathetic for thinking of you all the time.

© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works.

[littlemissmentallyunstable]

there’s been lots of requests and comments so here it is PART 3!!! (SHE’S HERE first anon, hope you survived this long second anon and it was not a dream third anon, I’m posting/making it now fourth and fifth anon)

some of you were going feral for part 2 so I hope this lives up the expectation 😭😭 if not I’m severely sorry

title: the dancer and the angel part 3

pairing: grayson hawthorne x reader

synopsis: grayson has just admitted to kissing lyra kane, the girl you’d been worried about, the girl that was stunning, the girl he said didn’t matter… he chose her over you so now what??

parts: part 1 part 2 part 4

warnings: swearing, SPOILERS FOR TGG

a/n: okay so I hate switching POVs but I felt it was necessary here and I know the start is the same as the part 2 but in Gray’s POV but trust me there is lot more

tag list: @tornqdowarnings @whatsamongus @wish-i-were-heather @inmyheaddd @never-enough-novels @sweetlikeanangel @midiosaamor @sweetreveriee @emelia07 @f4iry-bell @zaraaaabear @thoughtdaughter3 @benny1989fredd @elysianwayy77 @maybxlle @sheisntyou @anintellectualintellectual @aleatorio1234 @adalia-jaycee @off-to-the-r4ces @lyra-kane @reminiscentreader @lyrakanefanatic @imaseabear @elizaa31

GRAYSON’S POV

Guilt has chewed me up and spat me out the whole walk back to our shared room. There’s a pulsating lump in my throat that aches relentlessly, reminding me of what I’ve done. I am a terrible person. I never deserved her and now I’ve done the worst thing I could’ve possibly done, that anyone on this whole planet could’ve ever done. And she will never forgive me for it. I wish there was a way to turn back time and alter certain events. As soon as the time machine is invented, no doubt by my very own brother Xander, I’m coming back to moments before now to stop my idiot brain from-

I can’t even think it. Maybe it’s because it makes it more real. It’s like the last few moments of my life have been erased from my brain, it’s a blank canvas and I have no paints. I know what I did but I can’t remember exact details. Still, I can taste her on my lips, an over sweet taste that was almost too sickly has now morphed into something bitter. Her perfume lingers on my clothes and adds to my ever growing headache. I don’t want to smell her, I don’t want the reminder of the awful human I have become. The monster that now inhabits my body, lives in my skin, breathes my air and poisons the people I love. The ones I truly love.

Y/n. At one point she was the only reason I was still existing, still carrying on. She somehow managed to give me the fight to keep carrying on. I got up most days because I knew I would get to see her face. And now I’m going to throw everything away, our whole relationship. Everything we’ve been through or planned to go through together. It will reduced to nothing in a few minutes.

I’m outside the door, my feet have carried me here through muscle memory. I must go in, I must face her I’m aware but I’m afraid. I’ve never felt so pathetic. I wonder if she is still asleep. Though, I can’t work out whether I’d rather she be awake or asleep. I don’t think I could bear to look at her angelic feature either way. Those wide eyes, round lips, heavenly- I can’t bear it, I’m going to lose her, all of her.

I fiddle around with the key, hoping the door will just never unlock so I don’t have to face this. The mechanism clicks, mocking me. I step in silently and face the door to lock back up again. I don’t understand why, I know I’ll be kicked out in a matter of seconds, what good will a locked door be? And yet I’m still facing the door, fumbling with the key, my back towards her. Though I can hear her getting out of bed. She’s awake. My body’s immediate response is to go into a state of paralysis. I can’t move as the guilt ridden cement hardens over my body, creating an outer shell of the cruel creature I’ve become. Her body is behind mine. I can feel her bright presence radiating her usual tentative nature.

“Are you okay?” I hear her whisper as she touches my arm so gently it stings.

It stings so sharply because I know what I’ve done. The shameful crime I’ve committed. I jerk away suddenly.

“Are you hurt?” she asks, deep concern in her tone.

It kills me. It’s a poisoned dagger wedged deep within my heart, hitting every vital artery. Her voice is so soft, so melodic. She cares so much, too much and I’m about to destroy it all. And as much as I could not say a word I couldn’t live a lie, the guilt would eat me alive. How could I look her in the eye and tell her she’d always been the only one when I know she hadn’t? She’d already noticed earlier today my distant mood. She had always been observant, vigilant about those things concerning me and I’d always been grateful. I wouldn’t have that anymore. Lyra had been on my mind earlier and I couldn’t tell her. Now she would realise.

“No,” I reply.

My voice is unfamiliar to myself, it’s sharp and blunt. It sounds horribly harsh. I could feel it hurt her, the air ripples with a touch of dimness when I hurt her. Even with my back to her it’s obvious to me. I know her so well, too well and from this day on we might drift to perfect strangers. That thought hurts me more than anything.

“Where have you been?” she says. Her voice so sweet, so innocent, cruelly naïve.

I don’t want to break her, I don’t want to do it. It would be like smashing a glass ballerina. Something so beautiful, something so delicate should be preserved not purposely broken. I force my eyes to meet hers. I immediately regret it. The soft mellow colour all melts into one, clawing at my heartstrings and ripping the organ to shreds. She’s so beautiful. How had I ever looked at any other? How had I let myself?

Suddenly I’m drowning in guilt. I don’t know how, it just comes over me suddenly. Like a tidal wave I had my back to. I’ve been swept under by an endless ocean of shame. My lungs swollen full of my own black sin. I don’t know how but I manage to choke out two shaky words.

“I’m sorry.”

My voice cracks. My voice never cracks. She knows that. I’m sturdy, I’m strong, I’m the rock that never breaks and here I am. Here I am crumbling into dust. She’s too smart to miss the signs, she’s too clever not to immediately know something so horribly wrong, her mind is too sharp not to have worked half of it out. She’d already been suspicious of Lyra. She’d already seen what might happen between us even before I did, before it did actually happen.

“Gray?” she asks, my name sounding too sweet on her tongue. The next time she says it will taste bitter, I’m sure of it. She barely whispers the word but I hear her, it rings in my mind. It forever will.

I’m full of pure regret and guilt, it wracks my soul, shaking me relentlessly back and forth until I’m dizzy with it. Remorse’s doors suddenly burst wide open, ready for my grand entrance. My hopes and dreams snicker and smirk smugly as I walk down the runway, my head hanging in embarrassment.

I need to tell her. My heart races in my chest and there’s a lump stuck in my throat, so large it’s started to block my airways. I don’t know how to get the words out, I don’t know how to talk. I feel like I’m suffering some sort of aneurysm. She looks at me, her eyebrows pinched in and eyes narrowed and then I see it. Her eyebrows part and slowly sink. She knows already.

“Tell me,” she murmurs, her voice of an angel shaking.

I close my eyes, trying to suppress the tears. I haven’t cried in years I’ve forgotten this feeling, this heavy weighted agony that ripples through me causing water to infiltrate my eyes. I bite the inside of my cheek and still my shaking hands.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her, an uninvited raw desperation ripping through my voice, “I never wanted to hurt you, I never meant for it to happen, I-“

“Tell me,” she grits through her teeth sharply, her eyes glitter so beautifully fierce and fiery, like she wants to kill.

But I know she’s trying to steady her rising sadness by covering up with her fury. I can see through her, like she can see through me. I freeze and the pause elongates. The aching silence is deadly, it’s fatal. I wish she didn’t have to make me say it.

“I kissed her,” I murmur, the words making me feel sick as I say them.

“Who?” she asks, he tone low and ferocious, “who did you kiss? I want to hear you say it.”

I’m twisting a knife into her heart and I know it. But she wants me to cut deeper. She’s a woman of principle, I’ve already hurt her, I might as well do the job properly in her eyes. And I can’t deny her this. Not I’ve stripped her of her dignity, her trust, her love, her everything.

“I kissed Lyra,” I whisper, suddenly aware of the dampness on my cheeks.

A sour taste fills my mouth. The words send lightning sparks across my jaw, sending ribbons of agony down the sides of my face. The truth hurts. Literally. Tears are rolling the side of my face, but I don’t bring my hand to wipe them and nor do I stop them. I’ve never felt more broken.

But she doesn’t care, there is not pity in her eyes. Good. I don’t want he to pity me. She should hate me. She should want me to miserable and hope for me to have a lifetime of the torture I’ve just forced her to endure.

“Get out,” she murmurs, the anger bringing out her natural stunning features. A flicker of boldness in her eyes, the striking angles of her eyebrows, her strong thick lashes and her full lips.

“I’m sorry.” they’re the only words I remember how to say, through my internal fit of torment.

I expect her to hit me around the face, a good strong punch I know she can make or a sharp smack that’ll leave a red hand mark pressed against my cheek. I imagine she might scream at me and ask me all the questions I wish I had answers to. But she does none of that. She only looks at me darkly and utters two last words.

“Leave Grayson.”

I can hear the tears she’s trying to hold back, through the numb façade. I know her better than she’ll ever realise. But it’s not fair for me to stay, not after this. She’s only asking one thing of me when she should be doing so much more. So I do. I turn my back on her again. And I leave.

***

Tears pummel down my cheeks like never before. I can’t remember the last time I cried. I don’t think I’ve ever cried like this. I’m blinded by them as I stumble sideways. I don’t know where I’m going. I stand on the edge of the cliff and sink to my knees, letting out a loud guttural scream. I’m there until my throat is so raw I can’t feel it. I bite my lip so hard it draws blood. And then I’m up again and running, following a path my footsteps are dragging me towards. I can’t think straight, I’m dizzy with pain. Before I know it I’m outside the safe house on the island. My hands tremor on the handle and I swing open the door, falling to the floor for my sobs to take me over. My chest aches and burns and tightens. That’s when I realise I can’t breathe properly. I fumble around for my phone, a tear splashing into the illuminated screen. With uncontrollably shaking hands, I typed no words. Just three numbers.

911

***

The wait feels like years, maybe even decades. Each second taunts me, with a mocking tick. I’d crumbled into the corner of the room at some point and stayed there, curled up and choking on my own sorry sobs. What had I done? What had I done? What had I done?

The question circles around my head like the nostalgia of a distorted tune of a merry go round. I’ve never made such a big mistake and my life and deep down there’s a sinking sensation that is telling me I’m not going to be able to make this better. I sob, loud harsh sobs that hurt my lungs and knock the air out of my stomach. My whole being shakes with every strangled noise that escapes my lips. Grieving. I’m grieving over something I chose to throw away. It’s cruelly ironic. But I think part of me is also grieving the good man I once thought myself to be, that she made me believe I could be.

I turned my back on the one and only person in this world who just cared about me, took me for who I am and believed I could do anything. She only wanted the best, she only wanted happiness and she deserved so much more and here I am, stabbing her in the back and dancing in her blood like a madman. She was my everything and I managed to mess it up, just like everything else in my life. I can’t have normal relationships, I can’t do something without messing it up. I’m one big screw up the opposite of how the old man raised me to be. He’s looking down on me now and I can feel his disappointment, like an infection coursing through my bloodstream. I failed him, I failed my brothers, I’ve failed her, I’ve failed myself.

She thought I was better, she believed I could be more than his expectation. And I was stupid enough to believe it, encourage it and let her belive the lie too. We’re all idiots.

I can recite her favourite song, her favourite flower, her favourite food and favourite colour. I can tell you all about her favourite novels and how she orders her books on an endless bookshelf. I know that she tells people her favourite film is ‘it’s a wonderful life’ but it’s actually secretly ‘tangled’. I know she prefers to stay inside and cuddle under blankets rather than have a night out. I know she’d rather reason a thousand books than watch a thousand movies. I know she wanted a library in her dream house and two, maybe three children with her husband and I know she’d sometimes debate about getting a cat as well. I know how she loves brownie batter more than the actual brownies and can’t sleep with any lights on. I know she still uses the bunny rhyme to tie her shoelaces and how she fiddles with her collarbone when she’s nervous. I know exactly what diamond she wanted in her engagement ring and her favourite country. I know what people she despises and I know what people she adores. I know every inch of her face, every hair on her head, every sparkle in her eyes and every cell on her skin.

I know her.

I know her, but that can’t help me now. Pain ripples across the left side of my chest and my hand clamps over it as I grit my teeth to try and bear it. I hear the door creek open and can’t tell whether it comforts me or not.

“Grayson pookie!” Xander calls out, “we’re here.”

His cheerful voice doesn’t provide me with the cushion to this pain I thought it might.

“And we have some in incredibly strong whisky,” Jameson adds, I can here the mischievous grin in his voice, it’s been the same all of his life.

“My nose hairs are officially burnt off,” Xander agrees.

I can’t speak. I try to call out for them but the words die in my swollen throat.

“Where are you Gray?” Nash calls out, he sounds a little more worried than the other two but is concealing it well.

“Here,” my voice is hoarse and laboured, even I can’t recognise it.

The mood immediately shifts, you can feel it. The air becomes tainted with concern as their footsteps approach my cowering figure. The case of whiskey is dropped as there is an audible thunk as it hits the floor. I can feel their bodies enveloping around mine creating something of a circle of safety. I look up to worried face and shiny eyes.

“Help me,” I gasp for air, greedily trying to gulp down the oxygen that I feel so deprived of, “please.”

“We’re here to help you Gray,” Nash murmurs softly. His voice had always been something comforting, especially when I was younger. I wonder if he will be so kind when I tell him what I’ve done. He’s going to hate me, there’s nothing he despises more than a man who can’t respect a woman.

I shake my head and choke out another struggling sob, instead of the words I don’t know how to say. Jameson’s eyes flit between mine and Nash’s, the concern rippling across his features. He’s never looked this concerned for me in his life. I think to all the times as children I’d helped him settle after a nightmare and wiped his tears that he hated falling when the old man had humiliated him. Oh how the tables had turned. Now it was my little brother wiping my tears.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his touch so gentle it shocks me.

“I can’t-“ I barely get out, wrapping my hands around my neck.

“Gray…” he trails off, unmasked emotion hitting his face like a train.

“I can’t breathe,” I wheeze as the invisible blanket that was set out to suffocate me tightens over my nose and mouth.

“Hey, Gray, look at me,” Nash says, his voice smooth and reassuring, “in and out okay, in and out.”

“I can’t,” I pant, my limbs shaking embarrassingly uncontrollably.

Xander takes both of my hands into his and squeezes them until they still, “yes you can, follow Nash’s instructions okay?”

“Slowly, do it with me,” Nash nods, “in through your nose and out through your mouth.”

I do. In and out, a rhythmic pattern. Each time Nash reminds me how to breathe. There’s an aura of calmness about his voice that lulls my panic into a narcoleptic sleep. Once my breathing is halfway regulated I look at him, dead in the eye, with shaking sorrowful lips.

“I fucked up,” I sob, “I fucked up and I don’t know what to do.”

They all share a look, this is the worst state they’ve seen me and we all know it. I begin to pathetically sob uncontrollably once again, the feelings building up in my chest and tearing me apart from the inside out. It’s like a rabid pack of wolves had been set loose to feed on my internal organs. I don’t know how to stop the ocean of tears, I don’t know how to shut my mind off, I don’t know how to help myself. Reel myself in from this abominable mess I’ve become. I’m hyperventilating, my chest throbbing up and down unevenly. Nash nods towards Jameson, a short, soft, sharp nod of approval.

“Hey! Calm down!” Jameson snaps, giving me a hard slap around the face, “snap out of this!”

The shock shuts me up and the sting stops my tears. I’m back to reality instead of a wallowing mess. Nash must’ve been approving the slap I realise in the sudden cleared head I’d obtained

“Sorry,” Jameson mumbles at me, looking a little guilty.

I massage my jaw, “no I think I needed that.”

He grimaces and then softens his tone, “what happened Gray?”

I tense, growing very still, “I can’t say it out loud, I can’t, I’m awful, I’m horrible-“

“What happened?” Nash drawls.

I choke out yet another unnatural sound. Seems the slap didn’t snap me hard enough into reality. I exhale slowly. I have to say it, now or never.

“I kissed Lyra.”

The words hurt even more this time, that they did when I’d admitted it to y/n. Neither one of my brothers can mask their honest reaction.

“Oh fuck,” Jameson blurts out, “you cheated?”

Anger. He’s fuming with me. I can see the rage trailing through his eyes and blossoming into his expression.

“I didn’t mean to,” I reply, feeling like a small child.

Jameson’s eyes widen and fury flashes across his face, “how can you not mean-“

Nash shoots him a look and his mouth glues shut. Then he turns to me and I can’t quite read him yet. I gulp.

“No one does that kind of thing for no reason,” he says sternly, “I never thought you’d be the one of the four of us to ever do that, seems I was mistaken little brother.”

Disappointment. He’s disappointed. A horrible sinking feeling settles in my stomach. Nash is disappointed in me. It’s one of the worst feelings imaginable. There had only been few times in my life when he had been and I remember the feeling all too well. Shame has me in a chokehold an it’s succeeding in strangling me. I can‘t bring myself to meet his eyes, I don’t want to see that look I can feel is on his face, that look of pure disapproval.

“How did she find out?” Xander asks quietly.

Shock. He hadn’t said anything until now, but his lips had been slightly parted and he’d paled a little. He never thought I’d do this to anyone, he’s yet another person I’ve let down.

“I told her,” I murmur, “the guilt was consuming me.”

“As it should,” Jameson snaps, twitching with a fiery ferocity.

“Jamie,” Nash says, trying to keep some kind of diplomacy.

“No,” he growls, “you don’t do that to a girl, your girl, you can’t do that!”

“Don’t take the moral highground now,” I spit.

“When you’ve cheated on your girlfirend? Yeah I think I will,” he replies, the bitterness rolling off of his tongue like a deadly poison. He doesn’t know I’ve already poisoned myself with my own actions, his words can’t hurt me.

“I didn’t mean to,” I falter.

“Bullshit,” he grits through his teeth, in two definitive and threatening symbols.

“Careful Jamie,” Nash warns.

“All this is your fault anyway,” I continue, ignoring the warning.

“So it’s my fault, you kissed another girl, yeah, okay Gray,” he nods his head with a sarcastic smile.

“It is!” I exclaim, throwing my hands in the air, “if you hadn’t locked me in a room with her-“

“So it’s my fault you couldn’t keep up dick under control,” he quips, interrupting me.

“You could’ve locked me with my one of my sisters but of course you just had choose the only girl who isn’t related to me,” I seethe.

“Odette isnt related to you,” Xander pipes up. I’d forgotten he was there, that anyone besides me and Jameson were there.

“Odette is old enough to be my grandmother,” I scowl at him, immediately feeling bad as the words leave my lips, but don’t dwell on it as I turn back to Jameson, “why did you make me a player in your sick excuse of a game?”

“You can’t use the game as an excuse,” he laughs darkly.

“I will,” I reply sharply, “this is your fault and Avery’s fault too.”

“Avery? Don’t make me laugh,” he rolls his eyes.

“The game never should’ve been created by her,” I yell, “that’s why I’m in this mess!”

“No, you’re in this mess because of you,” he shouts back, “but don’t you dare bring Avery in to this it’s not her fault.”

I feel like I’m one of those circus acts, the ones that lay on a spinning board and get knives hurled at them. Only in my case the knives are the truth and they actually hit me.

“Why did you make me a player?” I ask quieter now, my voice hoarse, “why?”

“I didn’t know making you a player would result in this,” he says.

“It was so irreverent,” I snap becoming angrier by the second, a sudden burst of red overriding any rational sense in my head, “I never needed to play.”

“You can’t pin this on me Gray, if it didn’t happen with Lyra, who knows who else it would’ve happened with,” he hisses.

“So you think I’m just like this? You think this is me?” I ask him, prodding the hollow space where my heart used to be.

“I didn’t before….” he trails off, sighing, “but now I don’t know what the fucking think of you.”

“Jamie,” Nash repeats again, in the same warning tone as before. We both ignore him.

“Just because you and Avery are all peaches and roses-“

“Leave Avery out of your anger issues,” he roars defensively.

“No,” I counter, raising an eyebrow, mirroring his usual argument demeanour, “you think you’re so perfect now you’ve got your dream girl and the two of you are so much better off than the rest of us, because your love is undeniable or whatever bullshit people feed you about it-“

Jameson’s features twitch for a split second. He’s hurt, but won’t show it. He’ll refuse but I know that it hit a nerve that won’t heal for a long time. I stop mid-sentence.

“I am far from perfect, I think we both know that,” he says, in a low voice, “look you’re hurting, I get it, but I’m not going to mollycoddle you and tell you it’s okay when it’s not. I’m not going to stand here and lie to your face because as your brother that would be the worst possible thing for me to do to you.”

“My brother would try and understand what it’s like from my side,” I say, desperation clawing at my voice.

“You’re looking for a fight Grayson and it’s not going to end well, not with me,” he warns, shaking his head.

“Maybe I do want a fight, but you know you do too,” I growl rolling up my sleeves, “so fine, I’ll give you a fight Jamie.”

“I don’t want a fight, I want some justice for y/n,” he states simply, “she did nothing to deserve that Gray, she’s been so good to you, the sweetest soul on this earth and she’s helped you through a lot of shit and this is how you’re repaying her?”

“Jameson,” Nash says.

He ignores him for the third time and I can see his calm facade beginning to drop, “you think because you called a 911 and you’re here crying that I should feel sorry for you?”

“I thought you were going to be here for me,” I reply numbly, my tone dead, “clearly I’m mistaken.”

“I can’t be there for someone with no morals,” he replies, “you cheated and you’re the one who’s upset about it, how do you think she feels?”

“You think I don’t know her?” I fire back, my throat burning, “you think I don’t know exactly what she’s doing right now? I hate myself, I hate myself for doing what I did!”

“Good you should!” he screams back.

Before I know it I feel myself charges towards him, ready to throw a good punch but Nash and Xander launch onto me to quickly and managing to hold me back. Nash’s grip is so tight I don’t dare try and budge.

“Out. Now.” Nash says sharply to Jameson, “go and cool off.”

His tone sends a shiver down my spine that I won’t admit to. Jameson opens his mouth to argue.

“Jameson.”

He skulks away, with a sullen face. We all wait frozen until the door has been slammed shut. Nash lets my arm go, dropping it harshly and Xander follows suit.

“And you’re no better,” he turns to me, placing his cowboy hat on a nearby surface, “I’m only sending him away because you can’t be left alone in this mess and so the two of you don’t rip each other to pieces.”

Silence stills the room. His voice echoes but makes no sound all at the same time.

“Take a second, take a breath and we’re going to talk this through like adults,” he says, “if you want to carry on being a child then leave. Calm down, you’re not a toddler having a tantrum, you’re a grown man, act like it.”

Nash has a way of snapping me back to reality. I nod shakily.

“Talk.”

I begin, “I don’t even know why I kissed her, I didn’t mean to it just-“

“Happened?” he guesses, “no little brother, that doesn’t just happen.”

“The I don’t know Nash,” I say, tipping my head back and resting it on the wall behind me.

I hadn’t meant for it to happen. I didn’t want it to happen. It just did. She was there, just stood there. Her hands looped naturally around the back of my neck, warm and gentle, “someone sent me that ticket Grayson. I thought it was Avery but if it wasn’t…”

She trails off, her voice small and tentative. Her golden eyes filled with the utmost worry. I wanted her to know she’d be okay, that she’d have someone to keep her safe. Her arms get more comfortable around my neck. She’d felt it too, the electrifying spark between us. It was exhilarating but something about it was off, synthetic.

“Then who the hell was it?” I questioned, my hands magnetised to her cheek all of a sudden.

Lyra didn’t pull away and neither did I. I lower my head and she raised onto her toes and titled hers back a little. She was graceful, like a dancer. My lips brushed over hers. They were sweet like honey. For the first few moments it was bliss and the realisation hit, like a stone to my stomach. I jerked backwards suddenly, shaking my head.

“I can’t do this,” I said, my fingers trying to wipe her taste off of my lips, “I don’t- this isn’t-“

I was tongue-tied, not able to explain to her how wrong it was. The words wouldn’t work the way I wanted them to.

“Gray?” Lyra murmurs, a tender voice. Her amber eyes are widened and slightly confused.

“No,” I yell. She flinches and another wave of horribly strong emotion rushes over me, drowning me. “No I’m in love with someone else. I don’t know what that was. I can’t-“

I stumbled backward a few steps and the turned around and ran. Like the coward that I am.

“It did just happen,” I murmur, lifting my head from the wall to look my older brother in eye, “I swear to god, I didn’t intend for it to happen, I didn’t even know I had feelings for her.”

I can see he disagrees still and isn’t convinced. I don’t know how to prove it to him.

“Let’s establish one thing here, who do you like?” Xander asks me.

“I like Lyra,” I say slowly, “but I love y/n.”

Nash shakes his head, “if you loved her you wouldn’t have done that.”

“I made a mistake,” I press on.

“And you will pay for it and regret it for the rest of your life,” he shrugs, “it’s not what you wanted to hear but it’s the truth. Listen, I love Libby and loving someone means so many things. One of those things is that I don’t even look at other women, to me they don’t even really exist. Libby is my world and no one else even comes into the equation, so the fact is someone else came into the equation for you, meaning the love wasn’t there.”

“But it was, I felt it,” I say, my voice breaking as I press my chest.

“What do you feel for Lyra?” he asks plainly.

“I don’t know, she’s intriguing and smart and beautiful,” I murmur, “and I like her, but I don’t know if I have romantic feelings for her.”

“Then why did you kiss her?”

“Comfort? Lust? Greed? Selfishness? I don’t know it just happened,” I repeat for what feels like the hundredth time.

“Stop using that phrase as a get out clause,” Nash shakes his head, “you have to admit to yourself more than anyone that this didn’t just happen.”

“I leaned in and I put my lips of hers, and I didn’t stop it, it didn’t feel wrong straight away,” I admit out loud finally.

“It didn’t?” Xander says, looking wounded.

“No, it didn’t feel wrong until I realised what I’d done,” I say, looking down, suddenly finding my shoelaces to be the most interesting thing in the world.

No one replies for a long while. That’s when I realise how exhausted I truly am and how much I crave sleep.

“I vouched for you,” Xander says quietly, “I told her that you’d never do that, that you weren’t that guy.”

“I’m not,” I say, in denial at first. I take a moment to analyse his sentence and then come to a sickening realisation, “oh my god I am…”

“She was already anxious about where your loyalties were Gray,” he winces.

“I proved her right, I proved every worry she had right, I just proved to her that she shouldn’t have trusted me,” I spiral, hating that I hadn’t seen it sooner.

Xander looks to Nash for support for a reply.

“Yeah,” Nash sighs, “you did.”

“I need to fix this, there has to be a way-“

“Grayson,” the acuteness of his voice cuts through my sentence like a machete.

I freeze and clamp my mouth firmly shut.

“This isn’t a broken vase, you can’t glue it back together or buy a new one,” he tells me softly.

He was referring to a time where Jameson and I had been seven and eights years old. We’d been brawling of course, Hawthorne style and accidentally smashed a vase. Usually it wouldn’t matter, there were vases all over Hawthorne House and they were smashed frequently. But this wasn’t just any vase. It was nan’s priceless vase that had belonged to her daughter, our grandmother, Alice. We were never allowed within a five mile radius of it, but like the rebellious children we were, we didn’t listen. Through our fight we’d smashed the whole thing, it was truly destroyed. The two of us stayed up for nights on need gluing together the pieces only to realise it was never going to look like the original again. So we’d hunted to buy another, problem was, this vase was one of a kind. It turned out after four weeks or trying to ship a similar one in that nan had known the whole time. She didn’t speak to either of us for a good few months.

“This is real life, she is a real person and you hurt her,” he explains, “fixing this isn’t an option. There isn’t a way to fix it, there are no pieces to our back together, okay?”

I’m silent but it’s the loudest voice in the room. My face pinches together in agony. For the first time, a little of the disappointment fades and my brother’s face softens. He wraps a strong arm around me and I flop into him like a lifeless bag of nothingness. I bury my head into his shoulder and try to cry but there seems to be no tears left. He understands and holds me for a moment. Suddenly I’m six years old again and crying in Nash’s in my arms over Jameson hiding my favourite teddy bear at the time, then I’m eleven in his arms with pneumonia after being stupid enough to get caught in the rapids un the dead of winter wanting a good photograph of a rare fish, then I’m seventeen, crying over a redheaded girl who I thought I’d managed to murder. And now here I am, at twenty-two years old in his grasp once again, having made the greatest mistake of my life.

Suddenly I feel another set of arms wrap around the both of us.

“Group hug!” a familiar voice sings.

Leave it to Xander to make me crack a half smile in the darkest moments I’ve ever experienced. After a while I pull away and sigh.

“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?” I ask, pulling away.

“Honestly?” Xander asks.

I nod

“No,” he says. I wish I could see that little glimmer of a lie in his eyes, but I can’t. And it kills me.

“Think about it like this,” he sighs, “would you forgive Eve for what she did?”

“This is not the same thing,” I reply coldly.

“Eve cheated your trust, she betrayed you,” he explains gently, “that’s exactly how she feels.”

Dread fills my every pore as I murmur lifelessly, “I’m as bad as Eve.”

“No wait,” he says, looking guilty and panicked all at the same time, “that’s not what I meant!”

“I know,” I reassure him so some of his guilt subsides, “but it’s true and now I’ve just realised.”

“Look Gray, you aren’t Eve. You’re never going to be Eve, but think of how you felt then. That’s how y/n feels,” Nash soothes, “she’s not going to just forgive you, that’s not how it works.”

“You just broke her heart Gray,” Xander adds, careful to keep his tone as light as a feather, “for a girl you just met.”

“Why am I horrible person? Why do I always find a way to mess to something good?” I groan, smacking my head on the wall behind me. There’s an audible thump as pain spreads through the back of my skull. I wonder if I can concuss myself to forget all of this, but I don’t attempt the idea.

“You don’t-“

“No I do,” I say firmly, cutting him off, “I’m not meant for love, to love or to be loved, I’m not built for it. I’m not a good enough person for it. I’m never going to find my Libby or my Max or my Avery.“

“Grayson-“ Nash begins.

“Emily knew it and now so does y/n,” I snap.

My brothers still at her name, not moving a muscle. I never bring up Emily.

“Listen to me,” Nash says sharply, getting my attention, “you are meant to be loved. You are meant to love. I love you, Xander loves you, Jameson loves you and y/n loved you too…”

The change of tense makes my soul ache.

“…but this time around, you made a mistake, a costly mistake. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love.”

I nod numbly, robotically.

“What can I do to make it up to her?” I ask, my voice beginning to tremble, “to show her I’m sorry? Something there has to be something.”

Nash gives me a grim look and Xander’s face remains blank, they’re the only answers I need. My head sinks into my hands. The door reopens and I look back up. Jameson has returned.

He meets my eyes, “Avery’s with her.”

Blood surges through my heart and I can almost smile. He checked on her. For me.

“Is she okay?” I ask quickly.

Jameson looks at me and for a split second I almost see the ghost concern is his eyes. He shakes his head softly, “no, but she will be,” he replies, it’s an attempt to comfort me and I am grateful.

“Thank you,” I mumble.

“I’m not apologising for what I said, because I still stand by it and you won’t change my mind,” Jameson says, “but I am sorry for being so angry about it.”

“You were right,” I whisper, “you were right about me. I never deserved her, so was nothing but an angel to me and I just turned around and threw it all away. I abused the luxury I had, I stabbed her in the back and then gifted another with the knife, I’m a horrible person.”

“What you did was wrong, but that’s doesn’t make you a horrible person,” he sighs, “you need time Gray, this is going to take a lot of healing. On both sides.”

“I don’t deserve to heal, I deserve to be in pain,” I murmur, the dullness in my tone echos around the empty walls.

“Oh no, we’re not going back to emo Grayson,” Xander says quickly, shaking his head.

“I agree with Xander on this one,” Nash nods, readjusting his cowboy hat.

“I don’t want to hear you blasting my chemical romance at three a.m and then denying it later again, you came out of that phase we’re not going back there,” Jameson tells me.

I bark out a laugh that thaws my icy chest. I then bite the inside of my cheek.

“I can’t fix this, can I?” I say, looking at the ground,

Nash shakes his head softly.

“But that doesn’t mean you can’t be fixed,” Xander says.

“You’ll get through this Gray,” Jamie agrees, “I know it.”

The room grows still.

“Can we drink that whiskey now?” I ask, to cut through the silence. I feel like getting drunk, I feel like I need some relief.

“Big brother,” Xander nods at Nash handing him the bottle.

“Little brother,” he tips his cowboy hat in reply before taking the bottle into his hands and cracking it open.

“Let me pour these things properly,” Nash grins, “Jamie, come help.”

“Wait me too!” Xander jumps up,

“Stay with Gray,” he shakes his head.

“I don’t need to be babysat,” I grumble, annoyance written all over my face.

“I want to watch them pour whiskey properly,” Xander explains, “so I can impress Max.”

My eyebrows fly to my forehead, “Max drinks?”

“No I want to impress her though,” he grins.

‘You’re an odd human,” I almost laugh, tilting my head to the side.

“Why ta very much!” he says, almost skipping away.

Once I know they’re all gone, I lean back on the wall, my heart feeling a tiny bit less heavy. The pain isn’t gone. I think I’ve just gone numb. I feel hollow, empty, nothingness. Guilt is still gnawing at my insides but slower. A satifying clink against the fragile rim of the glass takes me out of my own head for a split second. There are hushed voices from the kitchen, I notice. I walk over to the door that lay ajar, I lean in to listen.

“We need to tell him,” it sounds like Jameson.

“Not now,” the accent indicates Nash.

“Then when?” Xander’s voice asks, “how long can we prolong it.”

“I can hear you,” I tell them, raising my voice a little.

They turn to face me, awkwardly remaining silent. The expressions on their faces don’t offer me comfort.

“Whatever it is, spit it out,” I say, “it’s not like tonight could get any worse.”

They share a look. Apparently it can. I feel sick to my stomach.

I can barely breathe, “who died?”

“No one has died,” Xander says quickly, “yet.”

“What?” I say, my tone deadly,

Nash glares at him, then turns back to me. There’s sorrow laced delicately, deep within his hazel irises.

“Gray,” he says gently, “Gray we hate to do this but…”

“What? What is it?” I ask urgently.

“Gigi’s missing.”

The words shock me to my core. I feel my throat begin the close up as panic returns with a smirk and triumphant greeting. My whole world has collapsed in less than 24 hours.

***

YOUR POV

I don’t hate him. Call me naive or call me stupid. But I don’t. I don’t think I ever could. The kind of love I have for him is unconditional, irrevocable. Time can’t heal a wound this deep and although it is still fresh now, I can tell. But if he were to say sorry I think I would forgive him every time. And if he asked me back I’d fall into his arms into an instant. And I hate myself for it, it’s stupid and it’s a little cruel. How easily I would take him back after what he did. I know I shouldn’t but something inside of me is drawn to him. Like an invisible magnet has been planted in our hearts. I wish I didn’t love so hard, fall so deeply, maybe I wouldn’t get hurt so badly. But it’s in my nature, it’s who I am. I wonder if he knows how much pain I’m in, the rippling agony that rolls across my chest relentlessly with no hint as to when it will cease. I’m tired of being the second choice but unfortunately I wouldn’t mind being his. And I know it’s completely stupid of me to think that way, completely wrong but love makes you do stupid things so they say. I sit on the beach, by the sea in a state of numbness. Silent tears roll down my tears as the waves lap my feet. Deja vu washes over me and the memories of Grayson and I the night of the game flash through my mind.

I grip his hand and run with him as he guides me the just beyond the shore. He sits down swiftly on the sand and pulls me down to sit between his legs. I lean my back onto his chest and let him nuzzle his face into my collarbone.

“I love you,” he whispers, kissing my neck, “only you.”

Only me, huh? Only me…

The waves crash against the rocks, hurtling a salty spray towards me. I hear footsteps and turn around. Avery stands there, a mournful expression over her delicate face. She knows. I stumble towards her and collapse into her arms in a fit of uncontrollable sobs now and she holds me. Her touch is gentle and warm but it’s nothing compared to his. I realise he might never hold me in his arms again and I cry even harder.

***

I don’t hold Lyra accountable. She is not to blame. Some girls in my position might dream about different ways to brutally murder her but I can only ask what comfort would it bring me? My feelings are already dead, what good is more pain doing?

There was a choice that Grayson Hawthorne was given: his dancer or his angel. He chose his dancer and I hope he’s happy. Because angels have wings and we rise up stronger.

idk guys I think I wrote Grayson’s POV really awfully to be honest… also I feel like the 911 meet up was not like their normal ones where they try and like do something (e.g drink or dare) and then talk about the pain but that’s bc Grayson was in such a mess and then they had to drop the bomb that Gigi was missing. so anywayyyss…

I am sorry this took so long and I hope it lived up to any expectation you wanted it too (sorry if it didn’t) and I hope you enjoyed 🤍🤍 thanks for reading as always

TIG masterlist

[sunflowerkiwis]

WAG

charles leclerc x reader - part one

summary: everyone loves childhood-best-friends-turned-sweethearts yn and charles but they notice something’s… off. also your best friend is obsessed with your boyfriend’s boyfriend :)

feedback is appreciated + requests are open!

enjoy xx

part one | part two | part three | part four

yourusername has added a story!

- comments have been turned off by creator -

f1wags_

liked by 608,435 others

f1wags_ y/n (and charles) around the track today!!

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user14 she’s everything… he’s just ken

danielricciardo why is this strange man touching MY wife🤨🤨 @yourusername explain yourself

yourusername i’m sorry hubby, i’ve found another. it’s time you knew😔

user02 i will always love their friendship

user18 …so i’m the only one wondering what daniel ricciardo is doing on an f1 wag page??😭

user08 something about yn yln and daniel ricciardo being best friends is just… right

user04 bold of you to assume charles isn’t the wag

liked by yourusername

user10 mother is mothering as always

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, danielricciardo, and 1,573,498 others

yourusername anddd we’re back

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yourbestfriend can’t wait to see you again, love x

yourusername see you <3 x

charles_leclerc ma belle 😍

yourusername je t’aime mon amour ♥️

charles_leclerc je t’aime ma vie ♥️

redbullracing our colors look better on you… 👀

danielricciardo don’t worry lads, we’ll get her next time

user76 not red bull trying to steal yn😭

yourusername it’s a ferrari kind of weekend🤷‍♀️

yourusername blame @yourbestfriend she’s the one with a carlos obsession

yourbestfriend you’re literally dating and live with charles leclerc????

yourusername i don’t see your point

yourbestfriend

liked by yourusername, carlossainz, and 825,962 others

yourbestfriend a big thank you to @yourusername and @scuderiaferrari for this amazing opportunity, had the time of my life. forza ferrari!!❤️

another big thanks to my photographer: yn yln

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user40 carlos we can see you😭

yourusername red IS your color😏

yourusername p.s. thank you for letting me borrow (steal) your skirt🫶

yourbestfriend thank you for letting borrow (steal) your cap (and color)🫶

carlossainz thank you for coming😉❤️

yourusername she is losing her mind across the room as we speak

yourusername she’s single btw 😇😇

user56 yn in her unhinged era💀

user58 i think you mean her matchmaker era✨

yourbestfriend YN YMN YLN

yourusername that’s me👀

user40 unbothered queen 😌💀

scuderiaferrari

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername, and 516,553 others

scuderiaferrari and the winner is… yn yln!!! but charles did okay, too. congratulations you two❤️💛

tagged: yourusername, charles_leclerc

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yourusername omg thank you so much!! i’ve waited my entire life for this moment. my debut🥹🥹

charles_leclerc thanks guys i feel so loved

yourusername imagine not winning, couldn’t be me

yourusername in all realness, congratulations charlie🥰 i couldn’t be prouder♥️♥️

charles_leclerc thank you ma chéri

charles_leclerc at least someone appreciates me

carlossainz congratulations, yn!! charles… do better next time 🤦‍♂️

charles_leclerc thanks mate 😐

yourusername thank you carlos (don’t mind the baby, he’s just bitter he didn’t win)

user32 don’t mind the baby😭😭

danielricciardo wow yn, i always knew you’d make it, and you did, sooner than anyone would’ve thought. you never seize to amaze us

yourusername thank you, hubby😘😘 couldn’t have done it without you

user82 remember when charles couldn’t stand them together for their comments and jokes😭😭

user16 man’s gave up a long time ago, their love was too strong💀

liked by yourusername

[lunaviee]

can i request where reader cant go to their match and they got angry which makes them say the word "i shouldve invite *ex's name*, she wouldve come." and reader reaction can be up to you! with rin and maybe chigiri? thank you so much and please stay hydrate! sending loves <33

OHHH MYYY GODDD ANONNN……..

the way i gasped so loud when i saw this OMGOMG

okay so, idk if you’re wanting PURE ANGST for this but like i’ll add fluff at the end anyway bc the more the merrier😇😁😁

OKAY SO UMM..i’m a procrastinator, it’s no secret. so uhh chigiris will be posted when i remember to work on it, sorry😭

“are you serious?” “you’re..kidding, right?”

chigiri hyoma and rin itoshi x reader (seperate) click here for chigiri’s

tags/warnings: angst to comfort, swearing, arguing, NOT PROOFREAD…

synopsis: if he’s so insistent on you being there to support him, why doesn’t he do the same?

a/n: i am SO SORRY this took so long </3 i got busy but this request is soo..chefs kiss i hope i did it justice😓

RIN ITOSHI—

the faint mumbles from the tv filled rin’s apartment as you made a quick snack to eat, knowing your boyfriend should be home any minute. you sat down on the couch to eat, turning the tv volume up as background noise while you looked out the window. it faced a gorgeous view of your city, along with a nice view of the sunset.

after some time, you were back in the kitchen to clean up a bit.

*click*

the jingling of keys indicated rin was home, a tad later that usual but you payed no mind to it.

“hey,” you smiled, “welcome home, how was practice?” arms wrapping around his neck as he set his bag down, taking his shoes off. his arm snaked around your waist to pull you closer to him, planting a kiss on your temple.

“eh, same as always. those lukewarm lunatics don’t know what they’re doing”

you hummed in response, rin pulling away from you to look you in the eye. he spoke again. “we have a game in a few days. you’re going, right?” it sounded more like a demand than a question.

“oh uh about that” you broke eye contact, a twinge of nervousness tainted your face. “i was given an extra shift at work so i’ll be swamped, i don’t think i’ll be able to make it, sorry”

his before softened gaze now pierced right through you, full of annoyance. “really? i thought you’d want to come to my games.” his arms left your torso and flopped to his side, lower back resting on the counter.

“i do! i always do..rin you know this, i go to your games when i can but lately i’ve just been more busy an-” you rambled.

he cut you off, “quit the excuses.”

“excuse me?” you replied, shocked at how his silver tongue was so quick to interrupt you.

“i get it. you’re busy. you don’t have to make up these half-baked excuses and try to make me feel better.” he moved from the counter, straightening his back and showing his full height, looking down on you as if you were less than him at that moment.

“excuses? rin, what the hell are you talking about? i’m being serious.” confusion swirled in your mind, what was up with him??

“you know, i never had these problems with *ex’s name*. she was always happy to come to my games. no excuses, no lies. every game, she was there. why can’t you be like that?” rin’s venom stained words singed into your brain, glints of annoyance pooled in his eyes. a twinge of guilt settled in his gut the minute those words spilled out of his mouth, but he payed no mind to it.

“what?” your eyes widened in disbelief, “are you fucking serious?”

how could he say that? sure, rin was petty and used bitter language when he was upset, but comparing you to his ex? that was a new low, even for him. after all of the crap you two talked about when mentioning both of your exes in the past, you’d assume he’d want absolutely nothing to do with her. right?

“why wouldn’t i be?” not once did his gaze leave your figure, was he serious? “she actually took my career seriously.”

you were beyond shocked, eyes narrowing as your brows knitted together. “invite her then.” you retorted. “maybe i will, maybe then i’ll have someone who actually supports me there.” he scoffed.

his words made your blood boil, eye twitching before you spoke again, “get out.” you gritted through your teeth, fingers fiddling with the hem of your (his) sweater as to not lose your cool.

“what?” he scoffed, not expecting such a response (he really should have, what was he thinking??)

“did i fucking stutter? or is your skull too thick to hear what i have to say. get. out.”

the strikers face further scrunched, yet not moving an inch. “this is my apartment. if you’re upset, then leave.” he brushed past you without a single regret as to what he had said, not entirely believing you’d actually leave, where else did you have to go?

“fine then.” you slipped your shoes on while dialing a number on your phone before slamming the door, leaving the rin to sit with his thoughts. you had much, much more to say, but the thought of having to stay in the same vicinity as you made your stomach churn.

who did you call? why, your best friend of course, who else would you trust with this information. sure, rin’s teammates weren’t bad people to open up to, but you needed someone who could understand your feelings through angry sobs and incoherent mumbles.

it was only a matter of time before you were sat on yours friends bed, angry tears burning your cheeks as you rambled on about how dumb your boyfriend was.

“break up with him” your friend mumbled, only half joking. “me personally, i wouldn’t stay with a man, nah, a BOY who brings up his ex when he’s mad..”

you lifted your head from the tear stained pillow to meet your friend’s gaze. “yeah but……ugh i hate when you’re right” your sentence ending with a laugh

“i’m kidding..kind of” she sneered “either way, screw him, ghost his ass until he comes crying at your doorstep”

“what??” you shot up from your position, now almost on top of your friend. she was faced you, a more serious expression painting her face

“seriously though, you shouldn’t have to deal with that shit [n/n], he has the be the one to apologize.” you nodded in response, good thing your friend had a bit more common sense than you did in that moment.

“yeah, you’re right, thanks”

“any time, now do you wanna stay here or are you good to go home?”

“i’ll stay here and bug you more”

“okay then” she laughed out, the two of you now laying on the bed on your backs, staring at the ceiling

• { time skip - two days later } •

the radio silence that came from rin was like torture, did he not care? not a single text or phone call, not even a message given from one of his teammates. it was hard to stay positive.

sure, he deserved the silent treatment, but he was your boyfriend. his company single-handedly made your days better. being separated because of a fight that he didn’t want to resolve was stupid.

your friend tried taking you out today to get your mind off of the situation. it was going well, up until you walked into your favorite cafe.

you were met with a face you were too familiar with. rin’s. his eyes widened in disbelief and he twitched, almost as if he was about to run after you. and so you and your friend took one good look at him and immediately left. if the argument was going to be resolved, it wasn’t going to be in a public cafe.

your friend pushed you by the shoulders as you both shuffled out of the doors, you pulling out your phone to find another place to go to at the same time.

“shit.” was the only thing that rin had managed to mutter out as he saw the two of you running away from the cafe. it’s not that he wanted to avoid you. it’s that he was ashamed. he was scared that nothing he would say would amount to enough of an apology for what he said.

rin was scared that this was the end of you two. his worst fears of losing the one person he knew loved and understood him were coming true and is was his fault. the past few days were filled with doubt and regret, his teammates even noticing his practices were depleting.

the rest of the day came and went, your friend dropped you off back at your apartment where you collapsed on the couch, left with your thoughts once again. you were about to just pass out on your couch and ditch work the next morning, like you have been for the past few days.

that was until you heard a frantic knock on your door, jolting you awake. your worried expression dropped to one of annoyance and bitterness; it was rin. but, he looked different. his usually blank expression was now one of exhaustion and hurt.

he’d been..crying?

your eyes widened in confusion, you opened your mouth to tell him to leave before he cut you off.

“i’m sorry” he blurted out

he was looking down to you, except it was much different than before. rin looked desperate, his eye contact only further confirmed it.

he reached his hand out to place it on your shoulder, hesitating. you opened the door to let him in, sitting on the edge of your couch next to each other.

“i’m so sorry [name].”

“i know.”

“it was stupid, you mean so much to me and i..i ruined it.”

“i know.”

“please, you don’t need to forgive me now i just…”

he paused. rin’s head moved to look at the ground.

“i just need to know you won’t leave me. you can ignore me for as long as you’d like and i’d understand. but just…please i need you back” he begged, small tears brimming at his eyes, what a rare sight to see.

silence fell between the two of you, but it wasn’t like the comfortable silences you’ve shared before. it was tense and awkward.

“okay” your voice was barely above a whisper, “i won’t leave you, i think we both know that” you say with a smile.

rin looked back up at you, eyes wide, full of hope and relief.

“but listen i…” the moonlight only further highlighted just how much the two of you had been crying

“it’s gonna take some time. that was really fucked up, you know that?”

“yeah..yeah i know. i’m sorry. you’re nothing like her i-”

“i know.”

the two of you were now looking at each other, faces flushed from crying and relief. the silence was comfortable again.

“let’s just..go to sleep, yeah? we can talk about it in the morning, i think we both could discuss better afterwards” you offered, leaning closer to the armrest of your couch as you were too tired to go to your bed

rin hummed back in response, laying on your chest as he wrapped his arms around your waist. your hands found their way to his hair, heartbeats practically synchronizing.

“you know..i’m still not going to your game” you whispered, peeking one eye open to watch your boyfriend. he smiled, “i know” a laugh spilled out of his mouth before you both fell asleep.

[artstatues]

Tahiti? - a.k.g × j.w.h

wc : 622

pairings : avery grambs x jameson hawthorne, from the inheritance games.

synopis : avery has been reading hate comments, way too much lately and letting it get to her heart. constantly comparing herself to jameson's exes, where to one day, it leads to a fight with jameson.

a/n : this is long and angsty asf but its basically js back and forth and back and forth and im being lazy so im like combining 2 things together that is: the arguing req that anon @lxvebelle ( also sorry that it isnt their first fight ) and the anon req on my page for angsty averyjameson. this was 80% inspired by @x-liv25-jamieswife. this is like somewhere in the early stages but not so early that jamie already created tahiti bc theyve fought before. and and i havent read tig in awhile and im sorry if i mischaracterized them 😭 but enjoy nonetheless <3

requested tag : @pockyyasii

It was late at night when Jameson decided to check on Avery. “Heiress, you alright?” Jameson walked in the room while Avery stared at her phone, sitting on their bed. He closed the door behind him. Her eyes scanned the screen, making it seem like she was reading. It’s been a minute, or over, and she still hasn’t replied, or even acknowledged Jamie’s presence. “Avery? Are you okay?” Jamie repeated, louder. “Do you think I deserve you?” Avery finally looked up from the phone. “Yes, of course, if anything, I don’t deserve you, Avery.” Jameson stepped closer to the bed before eventually sitting on it. “Avery, look at me, I’m serious.” Jameson looked at her before tilting her chin up, forcing her to tear her gaze from the phone. “Yeah, I’m- I’m alright, don’t worry.” She stammered, yet a smile was still plastered on her gorgeous face. “You’re hiding something, yeah?” Jamie raised an eyebrow. “No, never,” That pretty smile was still on her face, even if her eyes didn’t meet Jameson’s since he tilted her chin up. “Heiress, please? I don’t want to argue about keeping things from each other again.” Jameson’s gaze softened. “I didn’t say we should argue.” Avery whispered, gaze still on the bedsheets. Jameson didn’t say anything. Her tone was bitter, but also soft. He could tell she didn’t want to argue. “What are you reading?” Jameson took a glance at her screen, but from the angle he was looking at, it was pure black. “Did you change your screen protector?” Jameson asked. He felt like he was nagging Avery but he’d do everything to make sure they didn’t have to fight, again. “Yea.” She replied, her tone with a hint of being annoyed. “Heiress, please, let me see?” Jameson was begging now. Rarely would he beg. “I’m reading comments! Okay? Comments from articles, videos, anything, everything!” Her voice raised. Jameson only stared at her. “Avery.” He warned her. “No-! Don’t warn me, Jameson. I’m not hiding anything, okay? I told you, I’m reading comments.” Avery snapped, harsher, causing her to get up from the bed, phone in her iron grip, the other hand in a fist. And Jameson knows that her nails are digging into her palm. He knows too damn well. During arguments like these, Jameson tried his fucking hardest to be the bigger person and try to resolve it, but he didn’t think it was going to work tonight. “So many people think I don’t deserve you! That I’m ugly- and compared to your exes, I think I agree.” Avery half yelled, tears forming in her eyes. “Don’t say that. I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve seen, Avery, really. I don’t think, I know.” Jameson tried to explain, trying to keep a steady tone. “No- you, don’t say that! You’re trying to please me and get this over with.” Avery was yelling now. “Your exes were all prettier than me Jameson. You don’t get it!” Avery yelled. They were making full eye contact now. He took her gaze for granted on the bed but screw that. “I don’t get it, really, you’re right. I don’t, but I think you’re still the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen, let alone be mine.” Jameson’s voice got louder without intention. “Do you think the same?” Avery whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear. “No. Never.” Jameson choked out, eyes still on Avery. A tear rolled on Avery’s cheek. Jameson strode to her too fast, hands already on her. “Hey, hey, tahiti? Shh, don’t cry, please don’t” His thumb quickly wiped the tear as he hugged her, hugged her so tight that he could’ve stayed like that forever. “I love you, Heiress. You and you only.”

[eeblouissant]

hii !! @witchybitchybisexual tagged me a while back to answer some tgg questions, and I’ve finally gotten around to it haha! Thank you soso much I had lots of fun with this :D (under the cut so I don’t clog anyones tl)

1. How did you find out about the show?

I was raised on it! My mother always (and I mean always. I’m very grateful she kept all her DVDs in such good condition so that I can rewatch!) had it on in the background when I was little, my great grandma too I believe. (I’m also convinced Bea Arthur was my gay awakening, i used to sit and stare for hoursss lol)

2. One storyline you'd eliminate?

Listen … there are so many but. I feel like you all already know what I’m about to say - firstly, the bit where Dorothy almost marries Stan again. I’d get rid of many of the Stan storylines (and get him much further away from Dorothy, honestly it’s a little upsetting to see him near her at all but maybe I’m just overly sensitive when it comes to the things Dorothy’s been through because of him? He shouldn’t have been a reoccurring character imo.) but that one especially. I can understand the need for it, because it dives into a part of Dorothy’s character that I find very interesting and that I love expanding on, but god it just hurt my heart way too much. He makes me very upset and I’m just a viewer - so I can’t imagine what it would be like for someone to actually have to put up with him. I really think I’m just overly sensitive because of the subject matter but oh well 😅. Anyway - that and, I’d change how the show ended. And not in the way you think !!!! I think it was crucial that Dorothy got her fairytale ending, she deserved it more than anyone (sorry rose, blanche, sophia) after the way she’s always treated, even if it’s not really meant, she deserved to hold that over their heads. I wouldn’t change a thing about that. But I would change that exit scene, where she isn’t able to respond to roses’ “is this goodbye?” It is goodbye. It shouldn’t have been goodbye - I hated that they ended it that way so badly. And the affect is seen later in the golden palace (they don’t even patch things up really!!!!!! It was so horribly done imo!!!! Maybe I’m just bitter I’m not sure 😭)

3. Best guest star/character?

The two times Sophia’s sister appears are my favourites, so I’ll have to go with her 😂

Also - I’m forgetting his name at the moment, but the trans man that made an appearance in that one episode. The way he was never misgendered or deadnamed!! that episode has a very special place in my heart!!! (Jean as well, that episode is also a huge comfort. But I don’t think I need to say that - it’s kind of implied)

4. Character you most relate to?

Dorothy and Rose equally 🚶🏻‍♀️ but is this really a shock at this point lol

5. Favourite character?

Rose !!!!!! You may think otherwise but she will forever be my favourite. She’s just too relatable, I see a lot of myself (unmasked) in her and it brings me a lot of comfort. Shes actually helped me start to be okay with the idea of unmasking a little more outside of the house. I love her soooo so much.

6. Favourite story of a cast member?

This one kind of involves all of them? So I hope it counts, but learning that the crew were the photos in the ‘men of blanches boudoir’ episode 😂 hilarious!! I can’t remember if the girls were expecting it, I hope it all came as a surprise because their reactions seemed genuine!

7. Which was the episode that got you hooked?

I can’t really answer this one because I’ve always loved the show, simply because I grew up on it 😅 my mum & I have a very similar dynamic to Sophia and Dorothy, so I actually think that’s what kept me hooked; the emotions and memories attached! And then of course growing up and picking up on how queer coded those three are, good lord.

8. You could wear one girl's wardrobe for the rest of your life, who would you pick?

Sophia and Rose, no hesitation. Dorothy is too tall and flowy for me (I’m 5’2, no way I’m pulling her wardrobe off lol), Blanche is too, well, Blanche 😭 although I do adore her wardrobe, it’s just definitely not for me (I will however be stealing her robes & housecoats immediately)

9. How many kids do you think they all actually had?

Okay, I know Dorothy for sure only had two. That’s talked about lots. Blanche had four? Because she’s only ever talked about having four, possibly adopting? And Rose, I’m actually unsure, does she ever say it outright 😅? I’d guess three or four. I know we see one or two of her kids but otherwise I’m unsure.

10. Do you think the actresses would've gotten along with their characters if they met in real life?

Why/Why not?

Sophia and Estelle would be two peas in a pod and I stand by that. They both just have this way about them that makes me think it wouldn’t turn out any other way haha

hhhhmmmm … I think that Dorothy and Bea would be able to relate on a different level for sure. Cheating husbands, very specific insecurities (until Bea was a little older that is. Her confidence was contagious!) fashion choices, similar opinions on how comfortable shoes actually are lol - but I feel like Dorothy is a little too much of a romantic. That might have thrown them off. Bea was also a very shy person, and Dorothy is a little more bold. That would have gone one of two ways I think! Either Dorothy ends up being her scary guard dog or they clash for all the wrong reasons 😂

Rose and Betty? I don’t have much to say other than, again, it would have gone one of two ways and been very black and white 😂 either they’re hitting it off, or never speaking again.

Rue mentions once that shes all Blanche with the exception of not being from Atlanta Georgia, and friends of hers have mentioned that she had a hard time shaking Blanche off after the show ended - so, I’d say they’re practically twins 😅 they’d question if they were related!

11. What are your other comfort shows?

The crown! (special interest, you know how it goes), I don’t watch much, because I always fear getting too absorbed in media and developing another fixation 😭 it’s also just hard when I’ve got such intense interests going on. I can’t delve into new media because it’s almost overwhelming? Idk can’t explain that one. Anyway, talk to me about the crown and I’ll marry you on the spot (/j)

12. Headcanons? (Feel free to list as many as you'd like)

Oh BOY. Oh here we go. You’ve all seen many of my headcanons by now so this might get repetitive, but I’ll list some anyway:

First off, because oh my god I think about it daily, Blanche has a natural tan!! Partly because she lays out in the sun so often but I also see her just being born with it. Something about it suits her so well! She gets a tiny bit paler in the winter but in the summer she’s almost unrecognizable (Thank you Blanche for adding some colour to the group lmao, those ladies are white !!!!)

I headcanon strongly that Rose is autistic. Or at the very least neurodivergent somehow (definitely autistic, but you get my point) - as an autistic person she reminds me a lot of myself when I’m unmasked and it’s actually really lovely unintentional representation! I feel so seen by her!

Honestly, a lot of what I would want to headcanon about Dorothy is already canon (her chronic illness, depression, hearing aid etc) but one thing I do headcanon her dealing with that isn’t explicitly stated is dissociation. It would come naturally with that one really awful thing that I won’t name that happened to her - and having to them live with Stanley for 38 years after the fact? I believe dissociation became less of a concern to her and more of a very, very dear friend. Anyway, I’ve rambled on that a million times so I’ll spare you all 😅

I also headcanon that Dorothy is an extremely repressed lesbian, be it her religion or, again, the very awful thing that shall not be named, etc - there’s something about the way she treads so carefully around the topic of lesbianism that just … yeah. We know Dorothy. It’s okay. I headcanon blanche being bisexual, since it’s kind of hinted at once or twice? Or like? Straight up implied? Cut to all the times she just happened to ask Dorothy to “help her out” or pick between her and rose lmao. I can see rose being pan or bi as well, but I think I headcanon her being unlabelled honestly! She just wants to love and be loved, if she loves someone, she loves them!

Honestly, I don’t have many headcanons for Sophia - she’s perfect as she is 😂 10/10 no notes!

13. What would you change (if anything) about the show/ characters if it was set in the modern day?

Again, how it ended, and in this case because of the insane amount of queer coding and subtext - need I say more? I can’t see this show being set in modern times, I honestly think it would ruin the vibe 😅

14. Which other Fictional Characters would you like each one of the golden girls to meet?

oh lord okay, I’ve saved this one for last because I’m actually not sure? I don’t think I can answer this one but I’ll edit and add if anything comes to mind later 😅

15. Who were your favourite duo?

Rose and Dorothy!!!! Although it’s very hard to separate the four, rose and Dorothy always had the most precious scenes.

16. Who should've got more 1:1 screen time with each other?

Rose and Dorothy 😭😭 pleassseeeee oh my god

16. Calmest season?

Two I think!

17. Most chaotic season?

Seven or three - season seven felt rushed, so it felt chaotic in a way I hated, but season three was so filled with lore and things that it felt chaotic for all the right reasons!

18. Favorite Season?

Three and four!

19. If the girls hadn't had their established careers, what other ones could you picture them doing?

Well firstly I’d give Dorothy her antique shop dream, obviously. I cant not see Blanche doing something with the arts… if she really put her mind to it I think she would make an incredible artist. & rose … hhhmmm. Maybe a preschool or kindergarten teacher! (Sophia is exempt here, let the woman rest lol she’s much to old to be working)

20. Best aspects of the show in your opinion?

All the different kinds of representation! How much it leaned into topics that were otherwise considered kind of swept under the rug. There’s been a billion posts made explaining this already though so I’m sure I don’t need to talk anyone’s ear off about it 😅

21. This question is for my fellow cheesecake lovers) favourite cheesecake flavour?

Ohhhh strawberry has to be my favourite.

22. Storyline you wished they had expanded upon?

Okay this is going to sound silly so bare with me, but that time Sophia got a job (dressed up in that pirate costume) - they never expanded on it, in fact she kind of disappeared for the rest of the episode!!!! I have to know what on earth was going on there 😭!!!

23. Questions you'd ask the actresses?

Honestly, if they actually got along. Because there have been rumours and things. (and then, you know. The Thing Rue Said that Bea had said about Betty because of the way she was picking on Estelle. And also Betty admitting that Bea was never too fond of her. I just have to know!) id also ask Bea Arthur specifically what she thought of the possible queer subtext around Dorothy’s character - I have a feeling she’d be fond of it actually 😂

24. Episode that brings you the most comfort?

Any episode that isn’t from the end of season 7 😭 I don’t think I can pick just one

25. Episode that made you laugh the hardest?

The episode where Dorothy sleeps with (or well, attempts to. We all know how that went) stans brother. I could write an essay on that one but oh my GOD I was laughing so hard at the parts that weren’t ripping my heart out!!!

26. Which other work that the actresses did you enjoy the most?

You’re asking me to pick only one of Bea Arthur’s other works???? I’d have to say Maude I think, basic answer I know - but oh my god I love her 😭 I’ll have to say Maude for Rue as well. The Beatrice Arthur special is Very close behind her though. & Betty - hhhmmm. Probably Password (if it counts?)

27. Best St Olaf Story?

The Great herring war hands down - I CANNOT with that scene 😂😂 when rue started to giggle I knew exactly what was about to go down - BEA lost composure, and I’d imagine that’s a hard thing to get her to do!!!!

28. Best slut story?

does this count I’m not sure … but I’m very very fond of that little moment where rose and dorothy are recalling different men Blanche has told them stories about to ask if they’re true (after she admitted that she tends to over exaggerate sometimes) like oh my god. They actually remember all the nonsense Blanche tells them 😂 I can’t !!!!

29. Best Sicily story?

The Pablo Picasso story !!!! Oh my god I think about it daily !!!!!!

30. Which girl would you be most interested in seeing a prequel of? And at which point in their life?

Young Dorothy !!!!!! OH MY GOD !!! She should have had her own show I’m so serious!!!!! The fact that she didn’t get a spin-off is a crime - I don’t know how that never happened. I’m so fascinated by her and how she survived back then. I need all the details big and small or I might (will, I will) die

[biggerthanmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee]

I was tagged by @berlinini 😘 to write my favorite lyrics from Faith in the future, so here is it (I’m sorry in advance)

🤩 THE GREATEST

it’s you and me until the end

Life for us is never over

(“This is me and you, I need you and you need me, this is like codependency”, life for us is never over) The legacy he is building with us it’s gonna be here for years and years, his music and how we were part of it it’s gonna live forever.

😏 WRITTEN ALL OVER YOUR FACE

Hey babe! (?????? Best lyrics ever to start a song ???????)

A hurricane behind the door

So I’ve come ready for a war

…

When is good is really something

Can we please get back to us now?

It’s not always good but he is ready to fight and he knows it’s gonna come back to good times (like in Habit I hate myself) is fighting and loving and fighting… going in circles. But this time is more fun!

🫶🏻BIGGER THAN ME

When somebody told me I would change

I used to hide behind a smile

Faking smiles since Miss You

So come on call me liar

Yeah you’re so quick to judge

We are coming back to you bitch 😒

🍀LUCKY AGAING

‘Cause I’m a hard man to lose

But I figured it out, then made my way back

To a life I would choose

???? Hello he did it all himself FOR himself knowing himself he is just choosing a life he is proud of, this song is so much about the“I” concept.

🎶FACE THE MUSIC

I just wanna stay in the moment

The rest of my life

…

Close your eyes and count to ten

If you standing on the edge of falling

Open up and looking down

Everything that matters is forgotten

The feeling of forgiven yourself for enjoying life, the feeling of feeling whatever you are feeling and telling yourself it’s ok everything is forgotten just live the moment. Man 😪

😭CHICAGO

I mean, she is my favorite like ??? It hits so close to home

They say bitter ends turns sweet in time

Is that true of yours and mine?

Is like that thank you on walls turning bittersweet, and now a bitter end turning in sweet, baby ???

You always made me feel much better

And I’ll always be grateful for that

????? So close to home like I said, there’s few people that can make me feel better or comfortable and once I lose them, trying to reconnect with them is so fucking hard! This song is for me idc

🫂ALL THIS TIME

all the song tbh, these lyrics are so beautiful

I’m tryna find the words to say for ages

Just have patience

It’s not how you spend the time

It’s if you wasted

FUCK ME!!!! How he explains in one song how is always worth the PAIN of living for the ones you find and love in the way he is always looking for words and it seems like he never finds them but he does!! It’s just 🤯

🤘🏻OUT OF MY SYSTEM

I am only half of what I think I can be

What a statement, that’s all!

☠️HEADLINE

So fast to judge in error

You thought you knew me better

So quick to kill forever

Yeah bitch we came back for you!!!!, how dare someone to judge him and call him liar that’s the reason you are not longer his, now fuck you! 🙂

The perfect circle of poetry he builds with the beginning and the end of this song is just so sad.

🥹SATURDAYS

My heart might be broken

But I won’t be broken down

It’s the most Louis core ever 🫶🏻

🫠SILVER TONGUES

You and me until the end

Waking up to start again

Yeah the same feeling as in The greatest it’s you and me, we are stronger and happier together

🤔SHE IS BEAUTY WE ARE WORLD CLASS

I don’t understand her but I love her so much

Are we one, or are we two?

Are we me, or are we you?

Has it been all this before?

Do you see what I see?

Man, I don’t know what he is talking about but I can see my alter ego with this song

🏡COMMON PEOPLE

When I get lost, I go

Back to where I stared

Such a beautiful message and so Louis!!

✨ANGELS FLY

She is my emotional support everyone shut up

There’s a time for saying who did what

Where it went wrong, I wanna know all that

But right now all I need you to know is

You’ll be okay, we can talk tomorrow

He is just the best person to be friends with, this is what everyone need when feeling overwhelmed and guilty, someone who cares just to be there for you without saying a thing, waiting for you to be better to talk about it. I love this song so much!

❤️‍🩹HOLDING ON TO HEARTACHE

The questions that I’d ask you

Where did all go wrong?

…

You know the party’s over

When you standing in an empty space alone

And time can always heal you

If you let it make its way into your bones

Hello???? Time takes time to heal it you can't do it by yourself??? The way he wants to know what the fuck went wrong, but then he just wants to be fine and support people I’m honestly so proud of him for keeping this message through all his songs.

💆🏻‍♂️THATS THE WAY LOVE GOES

When it cuts you, when you bleed

That’s when you’re feeling it the most

More relatable lyrics about breakup have never been written.

Im tagging @joliepetitelou @paigeschapterbook @louistthegreatest 😘😘😘 if you already did it tag me so I can read it 🥹

[naitosutan]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SWEET RESPONSE!! 🍭🍭

(I didn't know how to respond to your tags on your reblog so I thought I would just send you an ask-)

I'm glad you thought I had some good concepts, I'm terrible at explaining things so it's nice to know that some people understood what I was getting at. And your tsum tsum steek drawing lives rent free in my head, it is so fricking cute. I love tsum tsums!! And I was glad I could influence your love of Steek, kvasgi's art of Steek was one of the first pieces of art for that ship that I saw which was part of the reason why I got into the ship too! And your sister's art is super cute as well, I love it all so much, especially her AU!

Since I'm here, I'd like to ask you, who are your favorite characters and what are your favorite ships?

Thanks again for the sweet response, have a great day!! ❤️❤️

@/steeklover AHH I’M SO SORRY I FOOLISHLY SAVED YOUR ASK AS A DRAFT ON MOBILE AND TUMBLR ATE IT 😭 Luckily, I had part of my response written already and I’ll try to reply as best I can to what I remember of your ask!

Did you know I’m a fool and inept at anything technology ._. I found the ask; somehow I saved the ask in my drafts completely separate from my response ahskkgj

Pls forgive me for the repost, I wanted to keep the original ask attached 🙇🏻‍♀️

(ALSO HELLO I DID NOT FORGET OR IGNORE THIS I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO ANSWER CONCISELY AND GOT BUSY AHAKDLGK)

ACTUALLY *YOU* ARE THE SWEETEST AGALLFJA

I think you explained yourself pretty well! Legit, I always love reading your thoughts on Steek and seeing the ideas you have for them, whether it be your mood boards or playlists, I enjoy your ideas! You are THE Steek shipper to me so I really value your perspective on them and keep some of your posts in mind whenever I try to portray them!

Tsums are definitely a long standing obsession of mine lol Evie says thanks for the praise as well! Her AU means a lot for the three of us ✨

(Long post so favs and ships under the cut haha)

To answer your questions, I’d say Tweek is my favorite from the show, but Stan had definitely settled into also being a major fav of mine! When I was first watching it, I went into season six a bit bitter about Tweek taking Kenny’s spot but… he’s just a little dude :3 Simpsons Already Did It is one of my top favorite episodes lol Stan was a surprising favorite but I guess following him and his friends around the most, I really liked the way he was characterized and the struggles he deals with? I also love Kenny content 🥺🧡 Anything and everything for Kenny lol

Anyways, here are some of my top favorite ships!! As you can probably tell, my sisters and I have a lot of overlap in the ships we like, and tend to influence each other a lot lol I’m a multi-shipper who generally likes a ton of ships and also really enjoy crackships and rare pairs cuz of the untapped potential of interactions that could happen! I also enjoy polys but for simplicity I’ll put just pairings here! I had tried organizing them in a tier list but… it ended up as a ranking list anyways so…

Stenny - I actually surprised Kim a lot when I first brought up that I liked her old flame lol My first and my fav ship, there’s something about them that makes me extremely happy and I can’t quite explain it. It probably has to do with their personalities and interactions, but I can’t really articulate it into words haha I also love all the fan created content of them! They’re lovely and adorable 💖

K2 - The OTP of my sisters means a lot of amazing fics recommended to me that makes it hard to not love lol I’m not picky about how the dynamic is portrayed, I’m always down for these two together! They baby 🥹

Steek - <333 SO much love for these two! Like I had said you were definitely a big reason for it. Plus why NOT ship your favorite characters together? They both have a tendency towards destructive patterns that I think the other could relate to, especially with seeking validation on their feelings? I think potential interactions between these two are severely under explored so I’m always searching for more Steek content!

Revin - OKAY. This one was definitely a ship I shipped from the show before looking at the fan content lol Constantly seeing them together in the background just reminded me of playground crushes, and their moments were small but cute. AND THEN WHEN THEY BROKE UP I WAS DEVASTATED. CONFIRMATION THEY WERE DATING AT THE COST OF THEIR BREAK UP AND NEVER SEEING THEM TOGETHER AGAIN 😭 We’ve also headcanoned their personalities quite a bit and so I like to think of them both being a bit airheaded? Kevin constantly thinking about his sci-fi and Red seemingly not pay attention to things around her? Kevin calling their fruits sandwiches and Red just going along with it was also funny even if it’s just an animation error lol ALSO KEVIN BEING SO SAD AT THE BAY OF MEMORIAL PIGS DANCE AS RED DANCED WITH TOLKIEN I CAN’T 😭 I love little background details the most when it comes to characters, I think.

Crenny - Again, Kim was a big influence in me liking Kenny ships, also Crenny has some of the most beautiful and heartfelt works I’ve ever seen and read? I think things would be pretty easy with these two and they’ve had some good moments together!

Cryle - I know people say they don’t interact much but when has that ever stopped me lol They’re both stubborn in different ways, Craig more passive and Kyle more confrontational, I think? Like, I really liked the scene in Fishsticks where they’re both advising Jimmy. They were basically indirectly arguing against each other and I think that’s such an interesting and fun dynamic lololol There’s enough there for me to enjoy them together!

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Creek - Just LOOK at them lol. I do admit I like them a lot in the show but don’t seek them out in fanworks but they’re great <3

Stendy - I HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT THEM TOO. Like Stendy is complicated but they’re also elementary school kids, of course they’re not gonna know how to relationship properly. But they’re still so messy?? And it’s just on their personalities mannn. I think Stan very much takes his friends for granted sometimes and especially his girlfriend. And Wendy isn’t a part of his friend group enough to really be comfortable discussing their faults? Like obviously he’s done some things and she has as well but things are always resolved offscreen or brushed aside so we never really see how they get over it. Basically they’re cute when he’s pining or when they’re domestically together and supportive but when they’re just not paying attention to each other they’re difficult lol

Stolkien - Another ship from the show, I think their interactions are always so fun, especially in the later seasons 🥺💕

Staig - I love rivals lol I think fandom plays up their hatred for each other a lot but Scauses really convinced me that they do notice each other lol That and Craig likes stirring the pot a lot XD

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It feels like I’m missing so many characters and ships but I had to limit myself! Ten is enough haha (shout out to all the ships I do ship but didn’t make it to this list 😔) I tried to keep this short lol

I hope your days have been great as well!! Thank you so much for the ask!! 💖

[vivalabunbun]

Hi again! I'm the anon that asked about your thoughts on vampire! alhaitham. School is absolutely hell but don't worry you're almost there! Please take care of yourself first and leave writing for when you're feeling ok!

I read the vampire AU that you posted and oh god it was so good. I read the tags before I started reading but I honestly didn't think that ending would be so heart retching. Why do you do this to me???

Do not get me wrong, vampire! alhaitham is very hot, just like normal alhaitham but man I was not expecting to cry today. I want to cry, and vomit and just not exist.

I always love your subtlety in your works because I think half way I realised the bittersweetness in alhaitham's pov. The emotions are so hard hitting but I never actually notice where it began.

Also, out of curiosity, what other AU's did you want to write as well for alhaitham? If you don't wanna ruin any surprises then feel free to skip over this question.

Hello! Sorry for responding so late but I guess I was just debating with myself about the last question. Mmm tbh, it’s sometimes as much as a surprise to you as it is for me 😭

I do have some ideas for AUs I want to try, but nothing fleshed out.

School is… something at the moment 🗿 but I’m getting through it… slowly.

I’m glad you liked the vampire aspect, I’ve never written about vampires before, so I mostly focused on the immortality aspect.

Oh no, it looks like that it’s the subtlety that made a lot of people cry. I was lowkey trying to do the opposite by making it slow and gentle. From the start of the story I wanted both alhaitham and the audience to go through the stages of grief, so they can accept the final ending as bitter sweet.

I love my happy endings, and I was hesitant at first but believed that bitter sweet is the most natural ending.

[sassyandclassy94]

I saw your tags about resenting your dad. What did he do that made you feel that way? I resent my dad sometimes as well, I feel like he keeps trying to control me and stop me from doing what I want, but I also feel bad because I know he loves me and thinks he’s doing what’s best, so I feel guilty for being so angry

Hi!

I’m sorry you feel controlled; I can imagine how frustrating that it and that you must feel so suffocated and defeated🥺 I can pray for you if you’d like?

The reason I resented my father (and sometimes I still do) was because he’s an alcoholic and has hurt this family so many times. And it’s not just that… his addiction has caused him to make so many bad decisions, mostly financial/monetary ones. Oftentimes when we should be able to afford something but can’t because of debt, that will rip out the old wounds and bring the past hurt to the surface. And it’s hard because he keeps slipping up over and over again. Last year I even caught him stealing from our Sight & Sound fund. Thankfully God allowed me to catch him doing that just in time so I was able to take the money back but that was… that was rough. I lost it. Like really lost it. I screamed at him and everything. Not my finest moment but that fund was money that *I* earned and saved. And it hurt seeing him steal from me, ya know? And because I still live with my parents, and they don’t require me to pay rent, I help out by paying a couple bills. One of them being the phone bill. Anyway, because we’re ‘poor’ (lol, biden’s America😡), we have a very strict data plan. Every month he racks up the bill so it’s way higher than it needs to be, not once ever does he wonder if his crap is making it hard for me to keep up with my bank account. I work at a freaking library! I don’t get paid that much! I need a break here😭 I’m trying to trust God but man! It’s getting frustrating over here! And then when he comes home from work drunk! Like do you know what happens if he gets caught driving drunk again??? Jail time!! Meaning he can’t work and money wouldn’t be coming in!!! Like if you’re gonna drunk at LEAST wait till you’re home and can drink in the garage! Don’t do it in the car where your foolishness could get someone hurt or worse! Papa says he thinks something like that can’t happen to him… well it can! It can happen to anyone to decides to drink and drive! Okay… so as I write this, I realize I still have some resentment. But a couple years ago God did take away my bitterness, and if you ask Him and pray He can take away yours too🥰

I remember one night it got bad and I had a sleepover at Nana’s & Papa’s house. Gif used them to bring my bitterness to the light - with Nana pointing me to scriptures about it - one being God warning us to not let the sun go down in your wrath… anyway, I was convicted, went to bed and just prayed. Now, prayer is something that is very hard for me and something I’m working on getting better at. But that night the words just came and I even prayed out loud (I was in Mama’s old room all by myself and the privacy helped) asking Him to forgive me and to help me. I was still sad afterwards but I felt lighter because He had forgiven me; he helped me. And ever since that night I’ve been trying very hard to keep from getting bitter again.

However, on a positive note, even though my father has been/can be a pain in everyone’s lives, God did bless me with a great mom. And great grandparents. For my whole childhood Papa was my main father figure; a wonderful example of what a godly man should be and he was always there for me a child and is still there for me as an adult🥰 And for that I’m very thankful to Jesus♥️

[ambivartence]

I was tagged by @drzibs @chanstopher @rumue (thank yall <333)

NAME: siyuan

SIGN: sagittarius

HEIGHT: 5'4" // 162-163 cm (idr)

TIME: 12:42 am

BIRTHDAY: 1997/12/19 🐂♐️😃

FAVOURITE BAND/ARTIST: skz, nct, svt, tbz, bts, ab6ix, p1h, etc etc the list is endless u already know

LAST MOVIE: i haven't watched a movie in literal months.... rewatched princess mononoke back in may lol i usually only watch movies on the plane or in theaters, if im at home i just want to draw or watch youtube tysm

LAST SHOW: yesterday i was watching House and the first ep of the new GoT house of the dragon show with my roommate

WHEN I CREATED THIS BLOG: foreverrrr ago but i revived it into a kpop blog late 2020 !

WHAT I POST: kpop art n gifs of so many groups :))))) the speed at which i collect new groups is a problem

OTHER BLOGS?: @dreambivartence art inspiration and @jacob-bae tbz jacob + idols with flowers (kpop aes blog?) and i'm working on a sideblog for just my art sort of like a portfolio idk im bored i'll drop the url soon 😃

DO I GET ASKS?: mostly when i ask for an ask game bc im rly bad at checking otherwise im sorry i usually end up taking at least 1-2 business days bc i just fORGET to 😭

FOLLOWERS: so many!!! too many!!! why r there so many of u guys >:( lol thanks for putting up w my multi shenanigans 

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: my ideal is 9 bc im a babie when it comes to sleeping but i think i try to get at least 7 a day tho i usually only need 5-6 to function BUT ALSO i have a major napping problem i take the LONGEST naps like im talking 3+ hours each time so my sleep schedule is easily screwed over :')

INSTRUMENTS: i wish i could play an instrument :( i learned a little bit of piano n ukelele so i can at least read sheet music (uke/guitar tabs r still confusing to me) but i prefer to spend my time drawing :')

WHAT I’M WEARING: my pjs (free dropbox tshirt from college lol n sleep shorts)

DREAM JOB: "no job lmao." <- so real dreamy so real. "the platonic version of a trophy wife?" <- also real rumu <3 my roommate n i have actually been debating lately about which one of us needs to become rich so the other can be the platonic trophy wife lmao or let me be an idol makeup artist i want to do their pretty makeup i want to doll them up so bad !!!!

DREAM TRIP: taiwan / korea / japan / china (if it ever opens again 😭) also extremely niche but i really want to do the andean lakes crossing between argentina and chile near bariloche during the snowy season but idk if that would be too bitter cold to be enjoyable </3

FAVOURITE SONGS: rn it's villain by key & jeno and also doom du doom by p1harmony but all time is probably winter bear by v, side effects by skz, dream in a dream by ten, the truth untold by bts, cherry by ab6ix, zombie (eng ver) by day6, some by bol4

tagging (no obligation, sorry if u've already done thisss): @alrightyaphroditie @babytunninjadrac @decembermoonskz @efflorescing-mary @i-like-hockey-a-latte @lolacouldnotcareless @lvrli @myriad-of-colors @njaems @ofyoursilentreverie @peachjaem00 @pvddins-art @sulfurcosmos

[elliium]

some of yall r just bitter and thats okay! if i werent a dream team stan i'd be mad too, but i am. red rabbits happened bc dream and sapnap love teaming up together and its literally never happening again. its more likely we get a future fruitninja + pete team in the future.

yeah i’m definitely being bitter and petty sorry for bringing it on yawls dashes 😭😭 ive been trying to tag with #neg so that it’s hopefully blacklisted for people but yuh sorry 😭 also yeah no way we’re getting a fruitninja team again bff i’m sorry to break the news but they took the simmers to dodgebolt unless they’re literally with 2 dogs this was our last chance Cryijg and sobbing /j