#sorry i was just thinking of this cus last night i was watching just any 90s gothic ova that was on my feed | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

feelbokkie · 1 month ago

Text

L♡VE IN F♡CUS | Chapter 12

PAIRING: idol!Changbin x fem reader

WARNINGS: mention of food and eating, swearing

GENRE: smau, crack, angst, fluff

P♡V: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

SUMMARY: Amateur concert photographer Y/n has recently been promoted to junior music journalist. Her first assignment? An exposé on the popular Kpop boy group, Stray Kids. Spending an entire tour doing in depth interviews with eight men seems simple enough, but one member isn't exactly open to the idea. Will Y/n be able to break down the walls around his heart, or will her big break turn into a big disaster?

TAGLIST: closed

W♡RD C♡UNT: 6,009

A/N: we only have a few more chapters of the ones that I pre wrote to last when I think this hiatus will last so I spread the releases of these chapters a bit so they can last a bit. sorry for the wait.

PREVIOUS | MASTERLIST | NEXT

You mindlessly scroll through Twitter while you wait for Changbin to join you for breakfast. Your notebook lays open next, ready to add any last-minute questions you might come up with that you should ask him or if you see any questions that fans want answers to that are reasonable.

It's early—almost too early—in the morning for your brain to be working. But with the lack of an itinerary, you had to schedule the meeting with Changbin this early so you can try to figure out how the day is going to go. The concert went slightly longer than it should have last night when Felix's "Let's go one more!" turned into five more. After that, you got caught in traffic on your way back to the hotel. You’re not sure if it’s the post-concert adrenaline that you’ve grown accustomed to or pure anxiety from your one-on-one day with Changbin, but you couldn’t sleep when you got back. So you decided to get some work done editing pictures until you felt tired enough to sleep.

Unfortunately for you, that came an hour before you needed to wake up. And even then, it was more like your body forced you to go to sleep than you actively decided to go to bed. You’re glad you had some sense to set your alarm ahead of time or else you definitely would have overslept.

Ding!

You let out a deep sigh as you click over to the message you just got from your team leader. Seoul is only 2 hours ahead of Bangkok meaning that he’s already back home from church and decided to torment you all before lunchtime. He may be a worse workaholic than you.

“You’ve got to be fucking joking,” You grumble under your breath as you scroll through the message he sent you.

“If you’re fussing about me being late, I still had 10 minutes before I needed to be here, noona,” Changbin speaks lowly as he takes the seat across from you.

From the corner of your eye, you catch a glimpse of a staff member, a babysitter as you like to call them, taking a seat at a table nearby. They sit just out of your view but right in Changbin's line of sight. There's a rotation of the same four staff members who accompany you and the group on official outings. It's annoying asking the members a question and watching their eyes drift off to the side to get approval, even for the simplest questions. If you were a bolder person, you'd take advantage of the times you hang out with the members off the clock and ask them questions without their babysitters. But even you know when to draw the line between work and pleasure.

"You're fine. Honestly, I expected you to be a little late. You're part of insomniac-racha, no? We got back pretty late so I thought you'd sleep in a bit." You exit out of the message from your team leader and slide your phone into your camera bag. You'll worry about it later.

"Of the four of us with bad sleep schedules, I have the best one. I can guarantee you that Chan hyung, Hyunjin, and Jisung aren't leaving their beds before noon." He jokes a little louder as he sets a jacket down in the chair next to him.

Changbin's a bit more dressed up compared to the other times you've met up with him. Photo ready. His hair, a now faded dark green leftover from last month's Japanese comeback promotions, is straightened again, his bangs only giving a slight preview of his forehead. He is wearing a short-sleeved button-up shirt that is a similar green to his hair. The green shirt is unbuttoned, revealing the white tank top tucked into his blue jeans and accessorized with a matching black belt. A simple outfit for probably one of the more complex members of the group. Even his accessories are simple. A single, silver ring on his right ring finger, two small layered silver chains, and black-rimmed glasses that you know he doesn't need but somehow ties the whole outfit together. You didn't manage to see his shoes before he sat down but you wouldn't be surprised if they matched the color scheme of his outfit. If you didn't know any better, you would have thought that he touched up the color of his hair to match his shirt.

He's certainly dressed better than you are with your baggy blue jeans, oversized black graphic shirt, and red Converse that you threw on before you left the hotel. It's the least professional outfit you've worn on a workday, but you didn't really care. You're too tired to care. And besides, your job is to be behind the camera not in front of it. Nobody is going to care that you aren't wearing makeup or that you're wearing a face mask and glasses to cover up the dark circles under your eyes that are permanently etched into your face. Or that your hair is going to spend the day in a messy bun or loose ponytail. They're only going to care that you get exemplary shots of their bias.

"Good morning, by the way, noona," Changbin lowers his voice again, so as to not to disturb the other people in the diner.

You chuckle at the delayed greeting. "Good morning, Changbin,"

"Did you order already?" Changbin takes one of the menus that is sitting on the table and skims through it.

"Not yet," You shake your head as you take the other menu. "I didn't know when you'd be here and I didn't want you to feel like I was rushing you. This is one of those places where you have to go and order at the front though so just tell me what you want and I'll get it."

"I'll order for us. It'll probably be easier." Changbin says casually without looking up from his menu.

"You know Thai?" You tilt your head to the side, dumbfounded.

"Chan hyung is close to BamBam seonbaenim and one of his love languages is learning languages. He always tries to teach us what he knows." You can't see his face beneath his mask but you can hear the soft fondness for Chan in his voice. "Plus, I believe that there are five fundamental things you should know in terms of foreign languages: how to order food, how to ask for directions, how to shop, proper greetings...and how to ask where the bathroom is."

You can't help but laugh at the last addition. You can only imagine how many times he's gotten in trouble before he realized he needed to learn the last one.

"Okay, you can order for me. Your Thai is probably better than mine anyway." Truth be told, you were fully prepared to head to the counter with your broken Thai and the menu and just pointing at what you wanted to order. Part of you is grateful that Changbin offered to order instead.

"What do you want?" He sets the menu down, finally settling on what he wants.

"This," You turn your own menu upside down and point at what you wanted. Thankfully, the menu had English descriptions right next to them. "And the largest, strongest ice coffee that they have."

There's an expression on his face that you can't read for a moment before he nods. You watch as he walks over to the Skzigi sitting near you and has a brief conversation with her before going to the front counter to order. You laugh to yourself when you finally see his shoes: white sneakers with green on them.

You quickly jot down what Changbin said about Chan and BamBam and about the five fundamental things of learning a new language in your notebook while they're still fresh in your head. You have a tape recorder for the actual interview portion, as old school as that sounds. But you don't want to pull it out now and be rude. You're extra cautious around Changbin and any sort of recording device you have after what happened in Sydney. You two may have reconciled, but you know he still doesn't fully trust you.

Changbin comes back from the counter and walks straight back to the Skzigi, handing her a receipt. It only now just dawned on you that he went up to her earlier to ask what she wanted to eat and ordered it for her. You take note of it in your notebook. It's one of the few things that you've noticed about all of the members, their kindness towards their staff. You've been around groups that treat their staff members as poorly as you can imagine. Or, if it's not the entire group, it's a few members. It's refreshing to see that the entire group treats the staff like they're a part of the group as well.

"How much what my stuff?" You ask Changbin when he sits back down with you. You pull your phone out and open up to a money transfer app.

"Don't worry about it." Changbin waves off as he puts his receipt in his pocket.

"I can pay for my own food." You blink.

"I'm using the company card. All of our meals today are on JYP PDnim."

You'd believe him if you hadn't spent months hearing the other members saying the same thing despite the fact that you say them using their personal cards. Most of the other members already blocked you on money-sharing apps or disabled their Apple Pay so you couldn't pay them back. You're almost certain Changbin hasn't done that yet.

"Changbin--"

"It's fine, noona," He sits up straighter in his chair.

"...I'm paying for lunch. But thank you" You sigh as you see that Changbin also blocked you. At this rate, you're going to be pulling out a suspicious amount of cash by the end of the tour and sneaking it into all of their suitcases.

"We'll see," He laughs. "What pissed you off earlier?"

Your mind trails back to the text from your team leader that you never responded to. You quickly go back to the message and put a thumbs up to it so he knows that you saw it. If you didn't, he'd end up sending you a bunch of emails and texts later until you acknowledge him despite it not being a work day and you're technically out of the office.

"I was just reacting to the list of comebacks and debut albums for January. Which just means I'm going to have more reviews to finish over the holidays." You can already imagine how many albums and eps are currently sitting in your inbox.

"Isn't The Seoul Star a big company? Are you the only one there who can review albums?" You can feel the concern in Changbin's voice leap across the table and float around your head.

"It's...it's complicated. The short story is that I'm apparently too good at my job. The longer one is that it's all bureaucratic bullshit and I like being employed so I just keep my mouth shut and do what I'm told."

"If you're that good at your job, shouldn't they treat you better?"

"Am I the one getting interviewed? What's happening right now?" You laugh, but not because it's funny, but because you're too tired to get into that topic right now.

"Technically, the interview hasn't started yet." He says smugly.

"Speaking of which," You quickly shift the topic off of you, "where are we going first today?"

Changbin nods, realizing that you don't want to get into it. Instead, he follows your lead into the new conversation. "We'll see,"

"Excuse me?" You freeze. You want to hope that you misunderstood him or that he's playing coy. But you know him enough to know that he's being serious.

"We'll see," He repeats nonchalantly, picking at the nonexistent lint on his shirt.

“I hope that means you already planned everything today, like I asked you to do, and you’re going to wow me with your amazing travel guide skills.” You laugh nervously.

You know that if Changbin’s concept doesn’t look half as good as the other members, you’re in deep shit with their fanbase. While Changbin isn’t your favorite member because of how rocky your relationship started, you’ll have “Changbin anti” rumors circulating as soon as the magazine is released. Not to mention other rumors that will completely derail your career and everything you worked hard for.

“It means that we’ll see where the day takes us,” He clarifies, not that it makes anything better.

“I’m entirely too tired for this,” You mutter under your breath as you lay your head against the table. “I knew I should have planned something just in case.”

You sit there for a moment, your forehead pressed into your forearm, trying to even your breathing. Crying first thing in the morning in front of Changbin is the last thing you want to do. Crying in front of anyone is the last thing you want to do in general but in front of the man who most likely hates you is worse. Instead, you focus and try to remember some of the events that you looked up a few months ago.

We can try to do something with the floating market. It'll be harder, there'll be a lot of people around, and I'll have to edit their faces and hope the concept comes out well. There are too many Christmas events going on right now. Which would be nice if we were releasing the magazine now, but it's not coming out until the middle of next year. Going to The Grand Palace or temples might come off as distasteful and cause a scandal that neither of us would survive. Well, Changbin might survive it. His fans might just shove the blame on me. Which, in this case, would be correct. Maybe we can do a "Date with Changbin in Bangkok" concept and just have him eat street food. Even then, that's a pretty desperate and lame attempt that would reflect negatively on me. Not to mention the lack of permits for any of these places. It might be more complicated to explain to locals what's going on, especially since we can't really advertise for them. Maybe we can--

"Noona?" Changbin's voice calls out softly, his fingertips graze your arm almost shocking you out of your spiral.

"Hm?" You plaster on a fake smile and lift your head to meet Changbin in the eyes.

You've unlocked a new expression from Changbin. It takes longer than normal to register the furrowed brows forming three perfectly parallel lines between them, his lips pressed into a thin frown, and the way his eyes carefully looked over you as concern. It's similar to the one that Wonseok had on his face when you spent your first Christmas in Seoul and the two of you got drunk in his room after opening presents with his family. Right after you hit your soju limit you told him that it was the happiest Christmas you've ever experienced.

"Wipe that look off your face, you're weirding me out." You laugh as you push his hand off of your arm.

"I didn't think it would stress you out that much." He whispers, almost as innocently as a child who got caught doing something they shouldn't have been doing for the first time.

"You're saying that you wouldn't be stressed out if someone told you, last minute, that you had to freestyle your performance?" You scoff.

"I'm a rapper, I'm supposed to freestyle," He sits up straight again, finally removing his hand from the spot on the table where you pushed it to.

You pinch the bridge of you, throw your head back, and let out an exasperated sigh. You don't care how this comes off to the staff member sitting not even 3 feet away from you. "It's been so long since I've met someone who manages to piss me off every time they talk. You really know how to wear my patience down, don't you, Changbin-ssi?"

"I'm not--"

"Here's your food," The waiter says slowly, making sure that you and Changbin understand every word. He sets down the two plates towards the end of the table, not sure what belongs to who, but also not sure if the two of you would be able to understand him if he were to ask. He only heard you and Changbin speaking rather loudly in Korean earlier.

"Thank you," Changbin says with a smile and a nod. After the waiter leaves, he slides over your food, which had been placed closer to him. He leans in slightly over the table and whispers, "I'm not doing it on purpose."

"Could've fooled me," You mutter as you roll your eyes. You ignore the plate of food and take the glass of iced coffee that has, thankfully, been placed close to you and take a large lip of it.

You can't hide the face that appears on your face as the bitter taste of the coffee hits your tongue. Still, you force it down and set the cup back on the table, deciding to let the ice melt a bit to lessen the flavor. Changbin wordlessly slides the sugar packets towards you.

"Thank you," You whisper without looking at Changbin. You take four sugar packets and one of the vanilla creamers, pour them into your cup, and mix it quietly with a spoon from the table.

The two of you sit in relative silence in the diner, the only comfort that makes it not completely awkward is the white noise coming from the kitchen and the other patrons. You watch as Changbin fiddles with his utensils and his food, seemingly having to have lost his appetite.

"Look," You take another sip of the coffee and set it back down on the table, "I'm sorry. I'm just extremely sleep-deprived right now and it's making me act unprofessionally. Let's just eat and then we'll figure it out."

"It's fine. I'm sorry too. You're just so wound up and focused on your job all the time, I thought that I could...I don't know, force you to slow down today by being spontaneous." He finally stops playing with his food and shovels some of it into his mouth.

"There's nothing wrong with a strong work ethic." You shrug while taking a bite of your own food.

"There's a difference between working hard and working yourself to death." A hushed tone replaces his usual, booming voice.

You stop chewing for a second, studying Changbin. He keeps his head down as he eats, almost like he's refusing to look at you. You set your fork down and lace your fingers together as you place them on the table in front of you. You twiddle your thumbs together as you think about your words carefully. The caffeine coursing through your veins is already causing your previously sluggish brain to work faster than it did earlier.

"We've been on tour for three, almost four months now. In that time, you've done 18 shows in 10 different cities." Changbin glances up at you as you lean in a bit closer. "And during that time you've also promoted a Japanese comeback, performed at and attended award shows, completed countless interviews, worked on and promoted collabs, worked on an entirely new comeback for next year, and filmed content for future projects. And that's just you. The other members had their own schedules--hell, some of them attended fashion week or flew back home to help other artists produce songs. And I know for a fact that you're planning that comeback to be released in between the gap between the first and second leg of the tour. The call is coming from deep inside of the house."

"You've got me there," Changbin sets his utensils on the side of his plate. He takes his napkin and dabs the corner of his mouth before placing it on his lap. He pauses for a moment before making eye contact with you again. "But at least I know how to relax on my days off."

You smirk as you let out a huff of air, your patience wearing thin again. "You have seven other group members that you can lean on when work gets to be too much. I don't have anyone. I may wear a Skzigi badge, but I'm not one of them. I'm an outsider to them. My team back home only sees this as a glorified vacation, I can't even complain to them without coming off as entitled. I don't have the luxury to relax."

A sinking feeling in your chest overwhelms you, filling you with dread. You've become concerningly aware of the staff member sitting near you, who is most likely going to gossip with the other staff members about you later about how unprofessional you are and how rude you've been to Changbin. You squeeze your eyes shut, almost like a child.

One...Two...Three...Four--

"Noona--"

"Forget it," Your eyes snap open as you quickly cut Changbin off, not really wanting to hear his pity for you. You pick up your fork and go back to picking at your food. "Just eat and find something for us to do with lax photography policies. We're wasting time with the conversation. It's not going to change anything."

***

"You don't cook a lot normally, do you?" You ask Changbin as you go over the pictures in your camera. The tape recorder you've been using all day sits between you. Both of you have small mics so that you can be heard loud and clear when you play it back later.

The day ended up well, despite its rocky start. The two of you went to the floating market after agreeing to do a food theme. You got pictures of Changbin "buying" fruits and vegetables from merchants on the boats. You even bought some actual fruit and got pictures of him eating them. You did some walking around and got pictures of Changbin at some food stalls, one of which the three of you actually ate at. You found a Thai cooking class for tourists and rented the space so that you could get pictures of Changbin cooking. Overall, it looks like another date concept, but it comes off almost like the Stay is going through a sort of farmer's market with Changbin and then cooking dinner with him. You got some amazing shots of Changbin feeding the camera that you're really proud of. You even had some time earlier to explore the more scenic routes around Bangkok, which is why the two of you are taking a bus ride over an hour back to the hotel.

Click

You turn to Changbin, who sets down the disposable film camera you gave him earlier in his lap. He peers over your shoulder to see what you're looking at. It's a picture of Changbin looking at an egg that he dropped on the floor. You know there's a picture somewhere of him holding a pan on fire that you took almost 20 minutes after that.

"It's not that I can't cook. Like most things, if I focus and try my best, I can do it." He speaks clearly and loudly so his voice isn't muffled by his mask. He lets out a soft chuckle like he's remembering something fondly. "But I don't trust myself in the kitchen. I'll end up wasting more things because of mistakes so I just order food or let one of the members that can cook take over. I know when to step away and let the professionals take over. I'm not as bad as Yongbok...Ayen, or Kim Seungmin though."

"So you're asking Minho to cook a lot then?" You set your camera down and rub your eyes. You're not sure if sleep is catching up to you or if your eyes are tired from looking at the camera screen.

"Yeah but...Minho hyung is a bit funny." He laughs as he leans his head against the back of the seat.

"Funny how?" You tilt your head.

You watch as Changbin's eyes shift over to the Skzigi sitting in front of you, asking permission to talk about it. You hate when the members do this. Especially when they do it over questions that are nowhere near controversial. The Skizigi's back is facing the window of her seat so she can keep an eye on the two of you and prevent anyone else from sitting near you and hearing your conversation, not that they would be able to understand you anyway. She pauses for a moment, looking up from her phone, before giving him a soft nod. She glances around before gesturing for Changbin to answer. There are not many places for people to sneak up on you since you're sitting in the back of the bus.

"I don't know if it's because he has that tsundere thing going on or because he's an only child so he's not used to all of the attention, but...Like if one of us asks him to make something directly, he'll say 'No.' Or if one of us just mentions that we're craving something and he happens to be in the room he'll say 'Just use your food delivery app.'"

You laugh, you've witnessed similar scenarios with Minho where he's done things like that with the other members more than enough times for you to believe it. "That sounds like Mr. Cat."

"Right?" He continues. "But then a few days later he'll call and say 'Come over, I made too much food to eat by myself' and it's the food we asked him to make or mentioned. And no matter how difficult it was or how much time he took, he'll play it off like it was no big deal. You've heard about the Beef Wellington story, right?"

Changbin's voice has a certain...soft fondness that you don't think you've heard in anyone's voice as he talks about Minho. You only just now noticed that he does that when he talks about any of the members.

"You mean when he spent like...four hours making Beef Wellington for Felix's birthday?" You recall.

"Exactly! He's always taking care of us like that. He pretends like he doesn't care about us or that he can't be bothered but..." Changbin glances over the Skzigi again. This time she hesitates to answer. Instead, he ignores her and turns his attention back to you before she can object. "It's all an act for the camera. But he truly cares about and loves the members. Even if he won't admit it. He is more of a 'showing his love through actions' person than a 'speaking his feelings' person."

You glance over to the Skzigi this time, mentally taking note of the annoyed look on her face. You know she's going to say something to you later.

"You know," You speak loudly so she can hear you as you turn back to Changbin. "I've been around a lot of groups where it's blatantly clear that their relationship is just a business one. But, after spending these past four months with you guys, I can see that you guys are an actual family."

"A family?" Changbin's voice trails off as he looks past you and out the window behind you. "Yeah, we are...I used to beg my parents and pray when I was little for a brother. And now I have two older ones and five younger ones."

You almost miss the worried look that appears on the Skzigi's face. Changbin catches it and thinks to himself for a moment.

"Take out the part about me praying about it. You can just say that I begged my parents for a brother." He says softly.

"Understood," You nod. You make a note of it on your phone just in case the mic didn't pick it up.

You understand why he said it. Even though his contract renewal gave him more freedom, there are still things he can't talk about. Or rather, he shouldn't speak about to protect his idol image. You remember the backlash Felix received just for being seen holding his Bible and mentioning that he'll pray for fans.

"I think we're done for today," You yawn as you turn off the tape recorder and shove it into your bag, along with your phone.

"Are you tired, noona?" Changbin asks, snapping back into his normal self.

"I think all the caffeine I've consumed today has escaped my body," You yawn again. If you're being completely transparent, you've lost track of how many coffees you bought today after the third one.

You squeeze your eyes shut and open them as wide as you can to keep them from staying shut. You slowly take apart your camera and pack it away in your bag as well. Still, the low lights in the bus, the quiet ambiance from the few passengers, and the stillness of the night are starting to make your eyes feel heavy and unfocused.

"An hour? Noona, that's not healthy." Changbin nearly shouts.

"It's fine. You guys have your own schedules for the next few days before we leave for Jakarta. I'm going straight to bed and sleeping in tomorrow since you don't need me." You grab your bag from your side and set it between you and Changbin on top of his jacket so you're sure you won't forget it.

"Yeah, but that's..." Concern laces Changbins voice as it trains off. "We're still far from the hotel and it looks like we're in traffic. Why don't you rest? I'll wake you up when we get there."

"Hm, maybe just for a moment. I'm probably going to end up knocking out at this rate anyway." You yawn again as you rub your eyes.

You settle a bit more into your seat, resting your head against the back of your seat and crossing your arms across your chest. You let your lead heavy eyes and don't try to open them again.

The three of you sit in silence for a while. You can hear someone typing away on their phone. Somehow, it doesn't annoy you. It's almost like ASMR.

"I'm sorry for being a bitch this morning," You mumble.

Thud

You force one eye open to see the Skzigi bending over to pick up her phone. You let out a soft chuckle at her reaction to hearing you swear. You don't do it often. Another sign of how tired you are. You close your eye again.

"I-I wouldn't use those words," Changbin clears his throat nervously. "But you're fine. I was being rude and frustrating earlier. Your frustration with me was completely valid. I'm sorry,"

"Apology accepted."

The two of you fall silent again and the soft typing resumes. The bus moves forward a little and then stops, almost like it's rocking you to sleep. Only, a thought pops into your head as you try to drift off to sleep.

You try to shake it out of your head to no avail. The more the louder the thought gets in your head, the more away you're becoming.

Fuck,

“Can I ask you something else off the record?” You break the silence again.

“Go to sleep, noona,” Changbin sings softly.

“Just one last thing, I promise.”

Changbin pauses for a moment, debating letting you ask the question. You crack your eye open again to find him deep in thought. After a moment, he turns to you. “If I don’t feel comfortable, I’m not answering.”

“Okay,” You nod, closing your eye again and resuming your previous position. You sit there for a moment, thinking of different ways to phrase the question.

“Noona?" Changbin whispers softly. "Did you fall asleep? Or are you having second thoughts?”

“I’m not having…It’s just a complicated question to ask.” You breathe.

He gently knocks your knee with his. “Stuff like that is off the table, you know that.”

“This has nothing to do with your romantic life, family, or private life.” You say quickly.

He pauses for a moment again. You're not sure if he's thinking or trying to read your thoughts. You're too tired to open your eyes and check to see what he's doing. You hear a soft sigh before he opens his mouth. “Then why are you having trouble asking it?”

“Because it’s…” You press your lips tightly into a thin line as you try to find your words. Your brain is nearly mush in its current state. You give up trying to find a diplomatic way of asking the question and just go for it. “Why did you hate me at first?”

More silence. You're almost certain that he's planning on getting out of the question by waiting for you to fall asleep. You hear him clear his throat again.

“I didn’t hate you." He says faintly. "I don’t hate anyone.”

“Bullshit,” You snort.

Thud

“I’m telling you the truth!” He says a little too loudly.

It's enough to make you jump and open your eyes. You scan the bus, none of the passengers seem disturbed by the volume.

You place your hand on Changin's forearm as you shush him.“Shh, okay, I believe you,”

“Sorry,” He lowers his voice, almost whispering. “Look, I didn’t hate you. Hating people isn’t good for your health and it takes too much energy away from you that you can use on something else.”

“But, you definitely didn’t like me,” You push.

“Not because of who you are.” He reassures you.

You think for a moment as you go back into your sleep position. “Because I'm a reporter?”

“Exactly,” He hums. You can almost picture him nodding his head as he says it.

"But you do interviews all of the time. I saw the Rolling Stones article. The journalist is a good writer, but you seemed comfortable."

"That took a while to get to that point. But after what happened at the MET Gala...I've been cautious around photographers and reporters. And this situation is...it's different because you're always around. Always watching and listening."

"Not always," You laugh to yourself, "As you pointed out earlier, I'm always working and I'm not around to that often."

"I know...Anyway, I was just worried about the group. It's our seventh year. It's a scary time, anything can go wrong, even if we don't do anything. We've reached a new level of fame this year and with that comes unwanted attention. It's hard to know, at this point in our careers, who is there to help us and who is here to harm us."

"...I'm here to help."

"I know that now. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize."

"It's fine," You yawn loudly.

"Go to sleep, noona," Changbin whispers softly. You can almost feel his breath on your ear.

Satisfied with the conversation, your brain rapidly returns to sleep mode. You offer a hum in response to Changbin. The bus starts moving again, pulling your body deeper into the state of sleep.

Your body is in a weird state where you have no real concept of time. It feels like you're only resting your eyes. You can hear the low hum from the bus moving and gently squeaking as it slows down. But your brain and body also feel like you're asleep. It feels like it's only been a few moments, but your eyes are glued shut. You can't even open them to check the time on your phone.

You feel warm all of a sudden, almost like you've been covered with a blanket. A few moments later, or soon after you can't really tell, you feel like you're falling. A few more moments later you feel something touch the side of your head, making you fall faster, just before the other side of your head hits something soft. You feel a soft smile creep on your face, but you're no longer in control of any part of your body anymore.

Click

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

TAG LIST (closed)

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you (either at all or properly)

@amyyscorner @puppysmileseungmin @lixie-phoria @yongbbokkie @spearb-99

@weird-bookworm @stayconnecteed @brain-empty-only-draken @hanniemylovelyquokka @sunshinessky

@marked-unknown @lanatheawesome @theblindhag @skz-f0rlif3 @f9clementine

@kalopsian-thoughts @ismelllikechlorine247 @hyunjineret @kangaracharacha @slut4colinbridgerton

@reverse-soe @cupidsmoons @jungwonderz @szkstay @tenmii

@stay278 @phtogravi @hannahs-docx @jihanlovic @alnex05

@beccaskz @starlostastronaut @itsseohannbin @kayleefriedchicken @anushasstuff

@jutdwae-archives @dazzlingjade @itzella @divineinsanity

83 notes · View notes

luckykiwiii101 · 10 months ago

Note

Okay this is outrageously easy. The way I overcomplicated everything is ummm embarrassing but we move…

So I just really thought and took in that I don't have to put anything on a pedestal and tire myself out I should just stick to that “idc” mindset I have. I was manifesting waking up in the void since I wanted to experience it (and probably manifest my dream life through it) and I was like it's literally nothing, not that deep. Before I would affirm and vaunt many times, visualise and I’d experience that feeling of fulfilment and knowing multiple times until it felt natural. Then yesterday I basically just left it all alone since I already did everything (even when I didn't have to) so it's basically inevitable for me to get what i want, there’s no point in doing anything more now (also methods made me feel like i was struggling to “get” and i didn’t like that). Anyway last night I woke up in the void (by literally falling asleep normally) and I didn't even freak out or anything I was just like "hm okay". I affirmed that I manifest things I want extremely fast and I wake up in the void every night, after I just chilled there for a bit.

I came across this post on how to make your desires feel natural to you i forgot who it was and I honestly can’t be asked finding it but it said to think of it this way. Let’s say many people want a certain feature you have like your eye colour or hair type/texture and they really want it, they even get hella excited or happy thinking about having it. But when you actually take the time to think about that feature you don't even give much of a reaction like you don't care as much that's cus you already have it, it's always been yours. I know I'm repeating what everyone has said and that's because that's literally all there is to say honestly. So being on tumblr scavenging for answers isn't doing anything really. everyone will just repeat the same thing but phrased differently to help people understand better and some people will get mad about them repeating themselves like….. yeah..? that's basically the answer to all your questions.

You think you’re “waiting” to “get” your desires but like it’s the other way round, your desires are waiting for you to wake up and accept that they’re already yours

So it's all just crickets and tumbleweed, if you're just sitting there questioning why you, apparently, don't have your desires. Imagine your desires are just awkwardly watching you ignoring the fact that you already have them and they’re right there in front of you. They’re probably just looking to the left and right, scratching their head. it's especially awkward when you're looking at the 3D for answers when it's literally useless and doesn't do shit, it only reflects old circumstances. That can only change when you turn to yourself or the 4D for answers, and of course any method will help but then again it all comes down to you to decide if it works. If you "want" your desires don’t dismiss what it is that "gets" you them...idk how to phrase it but just start applying and persist it's honestly too easy.

Anyway enough from me, I'm finally deleting this app right after this. This was long sorry if it doesn't make sense but this is how I understood it. To summarise you're all that's left to"getting" your desires. Think of it as having a breakdown over not being able to find your glasses or hair tie but turns out you're wearing it the entire time.

Thank you Wii and all the other bloggers who take the time out of their day to help others with all of this. Take care of yourselves!!

THIS IS AMAZING!!! I’m SO proud of you!! SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY APPLIED WHAT THEY KNEW AND NOW LOOK AT THEM!! you deserve this so much honestly i’m beyond happy for you!

Also i REALLY love the way you put yourself on the pedestal by saying that your desires are waiting for YOU and not the other way round.

#void state #void #law of assumption #loa blog #loa tumblr #loassumption #loablr #manifestation #loa #loa success #void success #void success stories #void success story #void state success story #the void state

370 notes · View notes

lstories · 1 year ago

Note

mmm, maybe you can write a story were the reader gets ate cus they aren't sleeping?

Warming Scales

Sorry it took a while to write. I'm not sure what happend, I lost the will to write and I tried things to get it back, and then after a while I just started writing again. I hope I can get more storys out as well. And thanks so much for the ask, sorry if it's not the best.

(Safe, Soft, vore, protective, unwilling, fearplay)

Wordcount: 3'957

You type away on your keyboard, each awnser being remembered and forgotten in the same second. A sigh drowns out as you can barely keep yourself from crying due to the repetitive and probably useless work. A particularly loud clack of the enter button has your boyfriend shifting in bed. You look at the work you have left to do, and then down to the time. You had been sitting at this desk working on the same folder of problems for the past 7 hours. It was 3AM and you were a little over half way done.

Charress woke up to a strange sound. He looked over to the clock as it read 3:19. He struggled to look over to the source of light that made him need to squint, seeing the chair siluet in front of the monitor, he realized it was the sound of sobbing he heard. He mostly got off the bed, most of his tail still spun into a nest. The soft sound of scales moving across the ground echoed off the walls. He turned the chair around, with your arms beginning to fallow. Your head fell from your hands, quickly being caught by his hand. His cool scales felt nice on your burning face. You gripped onto his hand and forearm as he took your legs with your other arm.

"Shhhhhh... come on. Let's go to bed."

Charress began to lay back down on his tail, using a coil to support your back as he steadied himself with his hand. He pushed your legs under the covers and pulled you a bit closer. You pushed back, pulling up his shirt and quickly snuggling into his chest. The cool scale like skin slightly cooling down wherever you touched. Charress slightly laughed to himself for a moment as you pushed yourself into him.

"Heh. Even threw closed eyes you can find your way back to your favorite spot on the bed."

As he pulled his shirt back over you, he could feel you slightly chuckle before going back to quiet sobbing. He started rubbing your shoulders, helping you sink into him and helping get the tears out.

"Yn, I thought we agreed that you wouldn't stay up this late anymore."

"N-no, you suggeste-ed it and i-I ignored it." You could feel your tears flowing onto his chest, you thought it was a wonder that he didn't hate you. "I-I need to finish t-this last assign-nment."

......

....

"Do you like watching me be hurt?"

"W-what?!" You couldn't believe it. What kind a question was that. Of course you didn't. You moved your head to the collar of his shirt getting ready to say something else.

He stopped rubbing your shoulders, moving a hand down to hold yours and another to hold your face, wiping a tear away from your eye. "Waching you kill yourself over every single course every night, it... it hurts to watch you ignore every bit of help you need. So I'm done asking. I need you to stay in this bed for the rest of the night, and no more thinking about college."

You could see the look on his face, it was one of the few times you've seen him this serious. You moved your hand up to his, pressing it a bit firmer into your cheek. You did your best to stop any sounds of crying and looked back into his pinkish eyes. "I know your just looking out for me and I can't stop loving you for it, but I have to finish this. I'll be done soon." As you finished, you pulled his hand away from your cheek and crawled out of his shirt. As you started stepping over a coil, you looked back, seeing sadness in his serious eyes, but needing to ignore it. You step over another coil, but feel a slight tug on your arm. You look back and see your hands still connected. You try to pull away, but he won't let go of you, gently rubbing your hand with his thumb.

"Charress, you can't force me to stay in bed with you. I still have work I need to do." You began tugging on his arm more harshly, trying to get his fingers to lose their grip.

"No, I dont want to force you to stay in bed YN, I'd rather that be your decision."

"OK! I made up my mind, now let go!" You had grabbed your arm with the other, pulling with everything you had to make him let go of you.

"(Inhale)(Exhale) No." He pulled you closer, a coil tripped you as you fell on top of him. He put an arm around your back to hold you close to him, letting go of your hand and hugging you into him. A coil fell on top of your thrashing legs as you tried everything to despretly get away without screaming in the clostrophobic fear you felt. He had never done anything like this before, and you started to fear what he'd do next.

"You can't keep me here! This isn't right! Let me go! I'll struggle out eventually!"

"Your probably right." You slowed your thrashing when you heard this. Your breathing was alread heavy and you could feel his was too. "I probably won't be able to keep you close to me, so I just need to keep you in me." Your eyes went wide as you heard that.

"Yo,-you can't mean that... right? Charres?" You could start to feel your heart beat out of your body as adrenaline started flowing. You could feel the end of his tail begin to coil around your ankles. "NO! Charress, please, I'm sorry, ok! I promise I'll stay in bed!" You had heard rumors that nagas were controlling, demanding, but extremely loyal and protective.

"Last time you promised that, you got up an hour after I went to sleep and started working again." You had also heard rumors that nagas in inter species relationships would sometimes eat their partner.

You could feel his coils wraping you two together. His stomach to yours, your chest to his. "Ok, I'm sorry, I promise I'll stay here just stop. Please! Charress!" You could still feel his hands massaging into your back like he was trying to calm you down after threatening to eat you. Maybe that's just it, he threatened to eat you because he cares about you, he loves you to much to eat you.

"I believe you," your eyes lit up as he said that, your head fell to his neck as you started crying again, and a tear fell down his shoulder. "But I love you to much to take the chance of you killing yourself anymore... So I promise you'll be safe. I'll let you out after you get some rest."

Dread. As you started to look up, you saw his mouth coming right at you. With a sickening squelch and pop your face entered his. You could barely focus on the thin tounge licking your face up and down. His throat looked bottomless right in front of you. The noises sounded, strangely comforting to some back part of your mind. The continues licking and stickiness of saliva fill you with fear, but also started to make you tired. You could barely focus on anything, let alone him licking your tears away. His fangs were stuck into the top of his mouth like they're ready to stab you at any moment. You mind started racing and just as soon, you heard a sound of death.

You heard a gulp as your face was pulled into his throat. The paralyzing fear flooded out of you as you started thrashing and moving as much as you could, harder than you ever had to before. You bent yourself in weird ways just to stop this. You knew the dangers and still went on that date, is this the price you get for wanting to feel love? You could feel another gulp, as you were pulled down further into the warm throat. You could feel tears and saliva mixing on your skin as you were dragged and pushed further into them. "O-Ok! OK! I'm s-Sorry! P-pl-pl-PLEASE! I'll Do what you want! I-I'll quit college if you want me to, J-Just LET ME OUT! P-please... I can't take anymore of this!"

....

Everything had stopped. You could start to feel his teeth dig into your skin threw his lips. You could feel a small bead of water drip onto your back. You thought that was it, he'd let you go now.... doom sounded again.

You tried to make a sound, but only a squeak came out as you were pulled further into his throat. The gulps came harder and faster, your head being forced into his chest and the once comforting heartbeat now sounding your end. You couldn't make a sound, your chest pressed into his ribs, barely allowing you to breath. Another and another gulp boomed around you as his throat quickly pushed into every part of you. You could feel your head touching something hard, like a ring stopping you from going any further. He swallowed again, forcing your neck to crunch into itself. It finally gave way and your head slid into his stomach. You could feel each muscle squish into you, examining you, tasting you. You could finally take a deep breath of the wet air, barely feeling your chest move his body. Your hands finally entered the mouth and you started to feel around. His gums, the hard teeth, his toung cutely wrapping around your fingers... No, it wasn't cute anymore. Then on the roof of his mouth you could feel his fangs. You tried to pry one out, but as he swallowed again, you could feel your finger get pricked just before your hand followed you down. You started to give up, you were basically in his stomach, you had no more energy and you now had venom in your system. He kept swallowing, forcing more of you into him.

You could feel him start to move. A spark of hope appeared, before getting crushed yet again. You were moved down as he began moving you around. Your feet hit the bed and he moved down, getting your lower half in one gulp. You tired to keep your legs straight, but the sudden motion kept them moving and your struggling body to curl up even more. Your feet plopped in uncerimonusly, adding to the scrunched up pile. Tears continued to run down your face and your mouth was wide open, taking in as much oxygen as you could.... All you could think, was that this is how I died.

.....

A cold wind hit the back of your neck as the stomach you were in started to expand. You heard more gulping. "Fresh" air finally entered your lungs. He was keeping you alive, or, just prolonging your punishment for disobeying him. Tears would have come harder if you had any left to shed.

You shook as he started talking, you could feel his lungs close to you pushing and contracting threw the slimy wall. "I'm sorry if I scared you, but its easier to explain-" you didn't let him finish, violently pushing out in every direction and punching where you could feel his lungs.

"No shit you scared me! LET ME OUT! I can't- I" you started gasping for air, your legs and arms almost immediately giving out after just a few seconds. You leaned back, trying your best to steady yourself as his arms and hands pushed into you. You slipped slightly and the side of your face collided with the back of his stomach, his breath was strained slightly and you could hear his heartbeat faster than usual. You gave a slight push outwards with your foot, you could tell you weren't getting out of here. Might as well make the best out of this situation. You started settling your breathing and listened to his body like you did most nights, just... louder. "You said you hated seeing me kill myself, did you just want to take the glory instead?

"What, of course not." His voice came in an echoey feeling. It was hard to pinpoint but just louder than the bubbly noises and pops of his stomach. "I just want you to sleep and feel better. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you."

"Well the sting of betrayal hurts a lot more than working."

"...oh, I should have figured. I just thought it would be easier to explain if you were already inside."

"Oh, explain that I'm safe. I know that's exactly what monsters do to convince people their ok and to not fight back. I've watched the news I know how it works." Your breathing were both going back to normal.

......."I'm sorry. It was rash, but it was hard to think of anything else. But I would never 'eat' eat you. I'll let you out after you've had enough sleep."

..."I still don't really believe you, but you might as well digest me. I have your venom running threw my systems" you pushed your leg back out where you felt his hand. Bringing it back after the strain of a few seconds.

"What? You already know what it does, I would have pulled you out the second I thought that too much had entered your system."

"What?" You stifled a yawn as you could feel his venom running up the veins in your arm. "No... no it...?"

"...It makes you-"

"Tired." As you cut him off, you started to remember the two pronged scar on your neck.

"You wanted me to use it on you once. You had human insomnia, and asked for anything to help you sleep. You'll be fine, when you wake up you'll just be a bit bleary and out of it."

You could feel the odd toxin in your neck, directly entering your bone. "Charress!" Your eyes drifted closed without the energy to keep them open, and you could feel his hand matching yours from the outside. You could feel the venom enter the back of your neck, crawling its way into the back of your skull. With the last pang of fear your body could force out. "I... I don't want to die."

His other hand layed across the back of your head. "You're safer than you ever have been."

You felt like you had shattered. You couldn't tell if you were cold or warm, looking at yourself threw someones eyes or looking threw your own. You couldn't describe anything, even where you were, it was.... it wasn't even nothing. It was the lack of anything. Not black not white, just nothing. You turned, looking around you could still somehow recognize you were in a room, but nothing was there that could indicate that. You could tell your body was still there. You had no indication or anything to go off of, but you could still feel... something. You moved your eyes slightly to read something. You were reading, and you felt, more real somehow. You were dragged out of whatever trance it was as you felt something slightly cool hit the top of your head as the nothingness began to grow black.

You could feel something very cold touching your arm. Without thinking you grabbed it, feeling the plastic crunch of a water bottle. You quickly opened it and began downing it as fast as you could. The coolness spreading threwout your body made you realize just how warm you were. You didn't realize the ringing until you started to hear the faint gulps above you and pops and gurgles around you. Another small object hit the top of your head, followed by another, softer one. A voice buzzed above you, just above the ringing in your ears.

"Well weren't you thirsty... have a good rest?"

You still couldn't get a train of thought going properly, reaching around to find the small object. Something clicked under you and your eyelids burned keeping out a majority of the light. You did your best to crack your eyes open, seeing the red pulsing walls all around you. There was maybe an inch and a half of space between you and the wall. You looked down, seeing your knees slightly bent as a you could see the slithering muscles bulge right under your knees for a few seconds. You let your head fall as your breathing started to come in painfully. You reached out, pushing a hand into the red surface and watching it stretch as far as you could push it. You did your best to sit up, giving you a bit more room to move. The light began to gleam in weird ways as two objects were caught behind your back. You reached out, grabbing both with either hand. There was a flashlight and a plastic bag filled with a few sandwiches and paper towels. "YN... are you ok?" You did your best to look up to the echoing voice, unsure how to respond. You looked down at yourself, feeling fine. You slightly pulled up your shirt, seeing no bruises, burns, or blood of any kind.

"Uhmm... ya. I'm all right. Could-... could I get some more water?"

He did his best to chuckle at the request. "Of course. Anything."

You tried to smile back, unsure of how to feel at your current predicament. You slightly scrunched your knees to your chest, giving you a bit more room to move around. You opend the plastic bag, grabbing the paper towels and wiping your hands and your face off. Your eyes were starting to get used to the light as you grabbed the sandwich, taking a bite and tasting peanut butter and jelly. It was weird, knowing you were eating something while being in a stomach. You heard more gulps as another water bottle gently fell onto your shoulder, quickly falling down to your side. You finished off the rest of the sandwich as you put the trash back into the bag, still unsure of how to feel about this.

"Did you sleep well?" You could feel Charress pressing into the sides of your shoulders.

You cracked open the water bottle and took a sip. "Umm, I think. I had the weirdest dream though."

"Well, I hope it wasn't too unpleasant in there, cause you slept for 14 hours."

You slightly choked on your water as you heard him say that. "What? What time is it."

"Basically 6pm. I checked, and you didn't have anywhere to be today, so I let you sleep for a while. But... do you want to come out?"

You pressed your palm into the soft wall. It felt really nice, and hearing the little hums of pleasure he made around you felt good too, but the small pit in your stomach was turning uncomfortably and you felt you needed to leave. "Umm, could you start a bath for both of us?"

"Mmmm, oh, uh, ya. We probably shouldn't leave that gunk on you for too long."

You started to feel movement around you. Looking forward, you could see the dark void in front of you turning and bending as the soft sound of scales on hardwood vibrated beneath you. Laying back out, you felt the turns moving your body in tandem. You'd laid down on his scales as he moved before, but being inside was a much... weirder experience to be sure. Some part of you rather liked it, feeling each muscle feeling at you, massaging you, knowing it's you. But you opend your eyes, seeing the the red pulsing stomach around you, lines you couldn't identify, and weard dents that formed and smoothed out rithmicly. It my your own stomach tossed looking at it, quickly moving to turn off the light. But a part of you looked into the void in front of you and wanted to fill it. You turned off the light and placed a hand on the wall, feeling him humm above you as you started rubbing the muscles surrounding you.

With every sound slightly echoing around you, you could hear the slight difference as he entered another room. The movement came to a stop as the small ammount of liquid moved you forward slightly. You could hear Charress fumbling with something outside, then hearing the wood rolling draw of a drawer. You could almost imagine him taking you around the house on his scales, like this was normal. You drew your hands back resting them on your chest, the slight disappointed whine you heard almost every night slightly shook above you. It didn't take him long before you heard the creak of the bathroom door, and his scales sliding smoothly over the tile floor. You could hear the rushing water start behind you for a while and his tail splash in. You started feeling warmer for a bit before you were pulled upwards, feeling his stomach cradling you like a hammock as you reached out on either side grabbing a handful of muscle, and you could feel him murr above you.

You made yourself let go, pulling you hands up to your face as your breathing came in harder and faster. The tight muscles squeezed you upwards as a pop sounded around your ears. Two hands caught your back as you were slowly allowed to move downwards by them. You moved your hands away seeing Charress helping the rest of your knees and legs out of his mouth as he set you down into the warm water. You could only think about how demeaning it felt to be vomit as your back and head were lowered down. Finally your feet splashed into the water, and with all of you out, you felt so... exposed. The air was cold, everything was too bright, and the water didn't feel smooth enough. You were glad to be out, but something made you feel unsafe. "Y/N, are you ok?"

You propped yourself up, feeling the pattern indentation of his scales under your hand, your eyes drifting down. You were in there. Your mind was spinning, feeling.... diffrent, every second. "Ya. I'm- I think I'm ok. Thanks." You turned around in the water, leaning back into him as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer. His hands went up your back and started pushing on your shoulders, massaging out all the knots from your sleep. His tail moved slowly under the water, creating a small nest around you as you sat..... "So... what did it feel like for you? Was- did it feel... good?" You cringed at your own words. You knew the type of awnser you wanted to hear, and you couldn't understand why you wanted to hear it.

"I felt protective, but it only felt good after you woke up and realized you were ok. I'm- I am sorry again... for scaring you."

"It's ok, but make sure you ask if you're going to do something like that again." Your own thoughts burned your head. You couldn't believe what you were thinking. "If...... if it made you feel good-" this was insane. You shouldn't be asking this type of question at all. "Would you maybe want to try it again?"

#safe vore #soft vore #protective vore #comfort vore #unwilling prey #semi willing pred #v0re

110 notes · View notes

horrorfanforl · 1 year ago

Text

Jeff the killer x reader handcanons

Jeff's a asshole but can still be good (in bed).

Jeff is a person that if he wants something from someone he gets it and would go thro any qhsyco way do get it in special if it's about his SO.

Now if you are as qhsyco as him go ahead your soulmates,he likes it when you kiss him but he'll never show it because he likes it too much to watch you do everything that pleasures him.If you ever do his bed,brush his hair,do him food ik prepare yourself cus this man will be at you all night,and would maybe let you pin him down but it's not sure.

He will take you on missions or killing sprees,will teach you how to fight and how to escape the cops.

Believe it or not he washes his hair a lot because that's the only thing that makes him not look like a living tampon.

If you ever have a date night he will take you to the forest and find a good spot for you two to admire the stars and moon beacuse he things the beauty of the night is gorgeous.

As he didn't got that much love in his past he thinks your the best thing that ever happened to him because you actually give him love and don't just want to use him,and beacuse of this he doesn't want to let his emotions out so he'll just say thank you but in the inside he wants to hug you till the end of the world but he would never let you know that because he doesn't want you to think his soft.

If you listen to music with him or shower with him he will kiss you so much you'll wonder how are you alive.

He wanted to do you a smile similar to his but you refused and sayd that you could do it with make up so be ready to wear that any time he's excited that will be the last drop for him,all I can say it's that neither of you two slept.

(btw im sorry if this is not good 😭 beacuse if the first thing I writeed today and I didn't have many ideas)

#jeff the killer x reader #jeff the killer #creepypasta

48 notes · View notes

whywhaatt · 1 year ago

Note

write some angst. huge sad angst. argument? sure! fucking idk make me cry. any cc, idc, just make me sad.

we got some sad shit baby💪💪💪

"You need to leave." (big t x reader)

words: 1.368

a/n: ok so basically... i just got drunk, then when i was sober i wrote how i was thinking. sorry if its hard to read but have fun :)

warnings: alcohol mention + use, yelling, and a whole lot of cussing

Tanner is getting on my god damn nerves. Last night, I spent the night alone in my apartment and dressed for a date that did not happen. Every text and call I send him I get no answer. I can't tell if I'm supposed to be upset, worried, or pissed off but somehow I'm feeling all three.

For context, we've had this date planned for a couple of weeks. It's already been postponed due to my job or random things Nick asks him to do. And after 3 weeks, we finally both had a free day to have a simple and good date.

15 missed calls, 50+ texts, and 10 hours later I just parked my car in front of Tanner's house. I've gotta calm down. It could've been a mistake, a stupid mistake at that but we all mistakes. No what am I thinking, he deserves to get yelled at. So many thoughts are going through my head. At one point I'm pissed off, but on the other I don't know what happened.

I grab my shit, locking my car behind me, and walk up to the front door. Giggling at the "gay" welcome mat, I ring the door bell... no answer. Okay? I'll just ring it again... no answer again. What is going on? Nick's room is right here, at least he should be able to hear it.

I'm calling Nick.

"Hello?" He picks up the phone.

"Hey Nick, I'm outside. Can you let me in?"

"Yeah sure, one sec" He hangs up. A couple of seconds later, the door opens. A simple "thanks" comes out my mouth all muffled as I shove past Nick to walk towards Tanner's room. Isaac sitting on the couch, looks up and let's me know Tanner's still asleep. Great. Just great... I don't want to wake him up in a bad mood.

Whatever. He deserves it. I need to know what happened. I slam open his door to see him laying in bed sound asleep, with alcohol bottles covering his desk and his sweatpants on the floor next to the bed. His room's a mess, well when isn't it really? The only time its considered to be clean is when you clean it.

He must've heard the door open, cus he slowly wakes up and turns over to see me standing in his room.

"Baby, w-what are you doing here?" he asks so innocently.

"What am I doing here?? I should be asking what you're doing here?" I'm basically yelling.

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean?!? What do I- uh. I can't with you. We had a date planned for last night!"

"Wha- OH!! Baby, baby please come here. Please come here I'm so sorry."

'No- No absolutely not. What did you do last night? Tell me."

"I-I was drinking with Isaac and Yumi. We played that stupid truck sim game and streamed. Then I just drank and watched anime until I passed out I guess." He admits. What. The. Fuck. I must've said that out loud cus Tanner immediately started to apologize again, "I'm so sorry baby, I completely forgot. Please let me make it up to you".

"No, I'm going home. You better find a way to make this better" I say as I walk out his room and closing the door behind me. The guys must've heard it all happen, cus I could feel Isaac and Nick staring at me as I walk out the front door. I didn't say a word, I just kept my head low and kept walking towards my car. Once I got in my car I just needed to scream.

FUCK.

Okay, that's a little bit better.

I got home and immediately turned my phone completely off, tossing it on my night stand and not looking back. I just need to do something else, get my mind off of what just happened. I need a drink. I grab some alcohol from the mini fridge I keep next to my desk. It's a vodka kind of day.

5 shots in...

10 shots in...

20 gulps in...

fuuuck. maybe i should've stopped like 20 sips ago. were those even considered sips? they were too big to be sips. my brain is fuzzzzyyy.

i gottta admiT what i said to Tanner was fuckked up, but i don't mean any of it. I should text him. N-NO!! I'm not texting him.

But I miss him, no I dont. fuck im crying now. ok this is happeninggg. I need to lay down. go lay on the bed. okay. im on the bed now.

knock knock knock

what. what the fuck was what.

knock knock knock

there it is again. am i dying? fuck. is that god? it's getting louder

knock knock knock

oh wait. its my frontt dooor. silly me. i'll go open it. come on body get up. one steep at a time.

"Baby. You scared me." oohhhh iits tanner.

"H-H-Heeeeeeeyyyy Taaaannnerrrrr" wait no i'm mad at him. actually, i'm just falling, oh shit.

"Oh my god, let's get you in bed. Come on" heee says while catching me, he's so strongg. i can feel his muscles, oh my god.

im laying down now. in my bed, i don't remember getting here. oh yeah Tanner.

"Y-Youu, youung sir, you neeed to leave" i slur outt, hehe.

"I'm not leaving you like this"

"Buuut. I'm mad at you a-a-and so you need to leave."

"Just go to-"

I woke up in pajama's and a massive headache. What the-

"Are you okay?" Oh. I remember now. I shake my head yes and sit up to see Tanner sitting on the foot of my bed. God, I'm regretting a lot of shit now.

"Baby... I'm so sorry. Can we talk about this? I need to apologize a lot." He says, so quiet it's basically a whisper. He looks up at me meeting my eyes. Was he.. crying? His eyes were all puffy and his hair was all messed up.

"Look, I fucked up. I know I did. But, baby, please forgive me for it. This is the first date I've missed in the forever the fuck long we've been dating. You didn't deserve that. You don't deserve that. I tried to think of all the things I could buy you, or do for you, to make up. But truthfully, the best option was being here for you and letting you know I care.

"I know you don't want to hear this right now, but I love you. I love you so fucking much. At the end of the day, I would choose you over anybody. Please, baby, just forgive me so I can forgive myself." Tanner whispers, a few tear leaving his eyes.

"It's sad, the first thought I had is that you were cheating on me. Then I thought you died, or just decided you hated me. I spent all of last night on the couch crying in the outfit I would've worn. I'm sorry I yelled at you, I just let my emotions get the best of me. You just... You really scared me. I thought I lost you." I confess. I can't make eye contact with him. I close my eyes as streams of tears run down my face and onto the pillow I've been holding. I feel the bed shift and I think Tanner got up and walked away, but suddenly I feel a pair of arms wrap around me.

For the past 30 minutes Tanner and I have been doing the 3 C's: cuddling, crying, and comforting.

"Relationships are hard" I think aloud.

"Yeah but we make it work." Tanner says, kissing my neck. My head is still pounding from all the alcohol I had, I can imagine Tanner was feeling the same when I yelled at him. To whoever said relationships were supposed to be easy, fuck you. It's hard to put your total 100% trust and love into one person all the time. And on top of that, you get that back. Plus work, or school, and making sure you're still taking care of yourself.

"I'm glad I have you" I confess.

Today was a long ass day.

a/n: this one is shorter, but i honestly cried while writing it. sorry if the drunk part is too hard to read!! requests are open so do whatever you will with that information. love yall, and thank you so much for all the support

#the group chat #the group x reader #big t streaming #tanner x reader #bigt x reader #angst #alcohol #yelling #apology

101 notes · View notes

jjtheresidentbaby · 1 year ago

Note

HELLO LOVE!!! @bebbie-bilinski AGAIN!!

ok like we discussed this is def gonna be a more hurt/comfort oriented request :P

as always regressor!stiles and cg!derek at the loft haha

ok i was wondering if you could maybe do something where stiles is upset -very upset- we're talking ugly crying inconsolable throwing pillows full speed at walls that sort of upset tho im not too sure as to why he could be upset maybe its all the stress of having near death experiences thanks to the supernatural world or maybe its due to thinking about past trauma too much (or take some creative liberties! u know i'll eat it up regardless) im thinking stiles will be big during this and derek tries frantically to help in whatever way he can and once hes calmed down hes just too exhausted to do anything else but regress and recuperate from all the big emotions :P then its all derek asking what stiles wants to get comfy and big ol clueless stares from stiles cus he has no idea what he wants lol im not sure if id rather they be alone when stiles regresses or maybe peters there too anyways theres obligatory cuddles in big comfy t shirts and!! itty-bitty-baby regressor stiles coded pretty please (´∀｀)♡ ! god im so sorry this is so long i hope that was detailed enough!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ remembering ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹

|| stiles stilinski & derek hale & peter hale || read on ao3

notes: this got requested and hour ago and I’m already answering it & it’s midnight, someone pray for me

warnings: set after s3 before s4, mentions/talk of void stiles, crying, angst, hurt/comfort, pet names, Peter being referred to as “papa”

Derek watches in horror as Stiles scream sobs in the middle of the lofts living room, his hands are grabbing at his throat as though he can’t breathe, body halfway bent in on itself as he only grows louder. Derek doesn’t know what to do. Stiles had texted him asking if he could come over, saying he felt upset and maybe a slip coming, Derek of course replied immediately saying he’d be waiting.

What Derek didn’t expect was to open the loft door to Stiles already crying, thick tears staining his pale skin and hiccuping breaths leaving his chest. Derek had tried to pull Stiles into his arms, the little usually clings to Derek when upset, but he got pushed away from. There’s been no explanation as to why Stiles is so upset but that doesn’t seem to matter to Derek, he’s too heartbroken to think about it.

“Stiles, Stiles please breathe, it’s okay.” Whether or not Stiles can even hear Derek’s voice is really up for debate, Derek keeps trying anyways. His own tears threatening to spill when Stiles’ knees shake and he drops to the ground, Derek right by his side.

“I can’t- I can’t Der, I can’t!” Small red lines appear on Stiles’ throat where he scratches at the skin, Hale catching his wrists before it can get any worse. The last thing he needs is to try and preform first aid while Stiles is in this state.

“Can’t what? What is it baby? Talk to me.” It shakes coming out of Derek’s mouth, hating how Stiles cries even harder.

“It’s too much! I don’t want it!” Stiles sobs before falling into Derek’s chest, screaming as loud as he can get before another sob bubbles from his throat.

“What don’t you want? You gotta talk to me, let me help.” Derek’s voice is hoarse with desperation, allowing Stiles to hit at his sides after Derek releases his wrists.

“All of it! I- I remember it all Der, I don’t want it, please. Please make it go away.” The begging tone and pleading eyes sent Derek’s way is enough for his breath to catch. He suddenly knows what this is all about, void Stiles, the hell that happened last year and still haunts his little night and day. Hale can’t imagine what it felt like to have someone control Stiles’ mind like that, but he knows what Stiles tells him, and that alone is enough to make Derek nauseous.

“It wasn’t you, it wasn’t you baby. It’s okay.” He soothes the best he can despite knowing how little it really does. Nothing can fix what happened, or the results it left behind.

“I don’t want to remember, I hate it. I wanna go back, let me go back.” Stiles’ hands cling around Dereks neck, fingers pulling at the t shirt he has on so tightly the material could rip.

“Go back where?” If there’s a place Stiles wants to go that’ll comfort him Derek will move hell on earth to get him there.

“To before. When- when void didn’t exist, to before it all happened.” Oh.

“Oh honey…” Derek has no words to say, he can only pull Stiles up into his lap more and rub his hand down the brunettes back. There’s still small whimpers and tears spilling from Stiles, Derek hates that he can’t make it all feel better, that he can’t take this kind of hurt away. He wishes he could hold Stiles’ hand and watch his veins turn black as he drained Stiles of his pain, but this isn’t physical, and there’s no easy fix to it.

“I want papa.” There’s a tremble when Stiles talks, he’s obviously dropped into his regression, a younger headspace from what Derek can tell just by his voice. And he wants Peter. Derek knows Peter went out to the grocery store at least an hour ago, he hopes he’ll be getting back soon.

“I’ll text him, okay?” Stiles nods along, eyes already drooping with exhaustion from his overwhelmed state. The attire he has on can’t be comfortable, jeans and a t shirt is fine while big but Hale knows Stiles will want something softer in his regressed state.

With that, Derek decides Stiles should change and quickly picks him up to walk them over to Peters bedroom, knowing that Stiles will want to wear something of Peters if he’s not here. He always likes to have something of one of his caregivers on, whether it he Derek’s hoodie or Peters shirt all depends on who Stiles is feeling clinger towards.

“Which one do you wanna wear?” The top drawer of Peters dresser is open wide enough for Stiles to see each t shirt folded neatly, Peters always been a precise person and his organization never fails to portray that.

“Do you want me to pick for you?” After a long beat of silence where Stiles only stares blankly into the drawer Derek figures he’d have a better bet choosing himself. Stiles nods in approval before Hale grabs the cranberry red t shirt that he knows is oversized even for Peter so it should be hanging off of Stiles, how he likes his shirts to be when small.

“Alright buddy let me text your papa and then we’ll get you out of those clothes.” A quick text messily explaining everything that just happened gets sent out quickly to Peter, he replies immediately, assuring Derek he’d be home as soon as he could and that grocery shopping would have to wait.

Once Stiles is changed into a small pair of pajama shorts and Peters shirt, him and Derek curl into the couch together. There’s a kids show playing lowly but neither are paying attention. Stiles is chewing the collar of Peters shirt, having refused a tether or pacifier, and Derek’s busy focusing in on Stiles’ heartbeat. It’s normal, not spiking in anxiety or panic, he should be relaxing with that information. He can’t. His brain is too busy running through what possibly could’ve happened to trigger Stiles like that.

It could’ve been his own overthinking, that’s happened a couple times, but never lead to that intense of a reaction. Derek prays silently that it wasn’t somebody saying something to upset Stiles, or a random bout of flashbacks as that always leaves Stiles restless for at least a few days if not a full week.

“Munchkin! What happened?!” Peters booming voice cuts through Derek’s thoughts and he’s quickly met with Peter barreling over to where the two are on the couch. Stiles instantaneously climbs off of Derek to cling around Peter with a happy giggle at Peter hugging him in close. At least he’s calmed down now.

“Are you okay sweetheart?” Seconds pass where Stiles just stares at Peter, the older Hale obviously growing more concerned as his brow furrows and Derek swears his eyes couldn’t grow any wider.

“Papa!” Stiles finally bursts out and latches around Peter again, it makes both the caregivers give out a small sigh of relief and chuckle at Stiles’ endless need for affection and his lack of communication skills in baby space.

Derek knows he and Peter will have to talk about what happened once Stiles goes to sleep, which shouldn’t be too far away with how tired he looks. The questions buzzing in his head will have to wait to get answered, and Peter might genuinely never let Stiles leave the loft again, but for now Derek leans back into the couch and tries to relax. Peter gives him a knowing look, that one that says he can feel how much tension Derek still holds about the situation, he lets Peter knock his shoulder into Derek in support. They’ll figure it out.

#jj writes #teen wolf agere #little!stiles #caregiver!derek hale #caregiver!peter hale #stiles stilinski #derek hale #peter hale #derek hale & peter hale & stiles stilinski

32 notes · View notes

gothdaddyissues · 2 years ago

Text

In The 20s

Prologue available on Ao3

or under the cut (~2000 words)

Thanks to @ramblingoak for the help and encouragement with this one!

SUMMARY: It's the mid-1920's and Prohibition is in full swing. The Emeritus family are the city's biggest gang headed by the aging godfather Papa Nihil. With a successful bootlegging business and a popular speakeasy known as The Church, Nihil's sons Primo, Secondo, and Terzo fight to maintain their spot at the top of the crime ladder. A rival gang has plans to put the old man out of business for good.

RATING: Mature for violence and language

TAGS: Copia, Terzo, Secondo, OC characters, violence, blood, swearing, illegal activities, Google Translate Italiano

⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧⛧

Copia took one last, long drag of his cigarette, the orange tip burning bright in the darkness. He savored the heat in his lungs before exhaling and flicking the butt into the river. It hit the water with a brief sizzle and disappeared into the murky waves below.

The sun would rise soon; the longer they stood here, the greater their chances of being seen. This was the worst part: the waiting. The uncertainty. Would their delivery arrive? Were they being watched? Would today be the day the police stopped them? It hadn’t happened yet, but there was always the chance. He wasn’t too worried - he knew they could handle any scenario. They were flexible. They had backup plans for their backup plans. That’s why they were kings in this town. But any fuck up meant they’d have to answer to Papa Nihil, and he’d rather spend the night in jail than deal with the miserable old bastard.

It was silent on the dock, the only sounds were the water lapping against the shore and the ‘tip-tap-tip-tap’ of Terzo’s shoes as he paced back and forth. Secondo lit another cigarette and sighed. Copia twirled his cane through his fingers in boredom. Their henchmen - their Ghouls - kept back next to the vehicles, Tommy guns at the ready.

“They’re late,” Terzo grumbled.

“They’ll be here,” Secondo replied calmly, “Just relax.”

“Are you sure? They’ve never been late before.” Terzo’s patience was wearing thin. He was the most anxious and hot-headed of the three Emeritus brothers, traits that were less than ideal as the heir apparent to his father’s empire.

“Give them until first light,” Copia suggested. “We’ll be too exposed if we stay past then.”

“Says the guy in the conspicuous white suit,” Terzo scoffed.

Copia rolled his eyes. “And who’s fault is that? You’re the one that dragged me right off stage the second the show ended and didn’t even give me a chance to change.”

“Shut up,” Secondo said, “Both of you.” He put his hand up to his ear. “Listen. They’re coming.”

The faint sound of a boat motor was drifting across the water, slowly getting louder as it steered closer. The engine misfired, chugging and struggling under the weight of its load. A light bobbed along the surface - a flashlight signaling morse code: short-long-long-short, long-short-long, long-long-short. PKG. Their cargo was arriving.

Secondo took out his pocket lamp and signaled back: long-short-long-short, short-short-long. CU. Message received. He laid the torch on the dock as an impromptu guidelight to help the boat across the choppy river water to the meeting spot.

The first rays of morning light we just breaking over the horizon when the tiny fishing boat finally arrived at the dock. One of the two men tossed the tie rope to Secondo so he could anchor them down.

“Sorry about the wait gents,” the other man said, “I think we overloaded ‘er and it slowed us down.”

“Worry not, my friends,” Terzo assured them, a stark contrast to his earlier annoyance. “As long as you’ve got the goods, everything’s peachy.” He motioned behind him for the Ghouls to come forward and help unload.

“We sure do!” the man said. With a crowbar in his hand, he began prying the lids of the wooden crates to show proof of their contents. “Three cases of the finest Canadian Club whisky, as requested. Two cases of English gin, and…” He saved the best for last. “A full case of French Champagne. I should have more of that in a week or two.”

Terzo beamed with delight. “Champagne! At last! I will take as much of it as you can get. You have outdone yourselves this time. Molto apprezzato!” He turned to Copia and held up two fingers. “Fetch the men their payment, won’t you? I think they deserve a little bonus.”

The boatmen lifted the crates up to the Ghouls waiting on the dock, who then carried each one to the truck parked nearby, while Copia went to the car and returned with two plain cloth bags filled with cash. Terzo took one bag and tossed it to the captain of the boat.

“Your fee, as agreed,” he said. “And…” He tossed the second bag to him as well. “Buy yourself a bigger boat. You’ve earned it.”

The man opened the bags and looked at the racks of bills within, stunned. “Jeepers! Thank you… thank you, sir!”

Terzo nonchalantly waved his hand, “Non è niente,” he smiled, “There’s more where that came from if you keep up the good work.”

“You got it, boss!”

The boat was quickly unloaded and Secondo unhooked the rope from its anchor post. “Now get gone, fellas. The sun’s coming up.”

“Yes sir, thank you, sir,” the man said as he started up the little boat’s motor, “See you next week.” He puttered away from the shoreline to start his journey back across the river to Canada.

With delivery complete and the truck loaded with bootleg liquor, Secondo told the Ghouls to head out. “Get this back to the Church. Quick, si?” The Ghoul in the driver’s seat nodded and the rest piled in for the ride.

Terzo watched the truck pull away, rubbing his hands together in anticipation as he turned to his companions. “Champagne, Copia! I can’t wait! I’m going to treat Evie to a bottle when we get back.” He sighed, blissful at the thought. “A good haul tonight. Papa will be happy.”

“Yes,” Copia said sarcastically, “So happy that you’re drinking his product and fucking his girl.”

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, eh?”

“The two of you will be in a world of hurt if he ever finds out,” Copia warned.

Terzo clapped Copia on the shoulder good-naturedly. “You worry too much, compagno. I have that senile old fart wrapped around my little finger. I can do no wrong. I’m his Golden Boy, his Chosen One…”

“You are a stronzo,” Secondo sneered, “C’mon, we need to get out of here. Andiamo.”

“Don’t be jealous, fratello,” Terzo laughed as the three men moved to make their way back to the car parked at the end of the dock. But they stopped in their tracks.

There, in front of their car, was a young police officer - very young - standing alone, his arm outstretched with a gun in his trembling hand. “S… St-st-stop, in the.. name of the law,” he stuttered.

All three men reached inside their coats, hands on the guns they wore concealed beneath.

“STOP!” the officer yelled. “I mean it!”

Terzo slowly pulled his hand out of his jacket and raised both of his hands in the air above him. “Oh no, fratellos! He means it! We’d best give ourselves up,” he mocked, before dissolving into laughter.

“Put the gun down, child,” Secondo said sternly, “You’re shaking like a leaf - you shoot that thing and you’ll hurt yourself more than you’d hurt one of us.”

“You’re just a fledgling, aren’t you? Lost here all by yourself,” Terzo observed, composing himself. He could see the sweat trickling down the young man’s forehead, his chest heaving with panting breath. “Do you even know who we are?”

“You’re… you’re the Emeritus Brothers,” the officer said, swallowing hard, “And I’m arresting you for illegal… um… importation! The illegal importation of alcohol.”

Terzo looked around him. “I don’t see any alcohol here. Do you?” he asked.

“I saw you bring it in on a boat and load it onto a truck.”

“What truck? There’s no truck here. You have no proof of anything. And no fellow officers with you to back you up. I’m afraid there’s not much you can do, pollo.” Terzo was just taunting him now. He slowly approached the officer, unafraid. “I’ll tell you what,” Terzo began softly, “You put your gun down, get back in your car, and drive away from this place. You never saw a thing, right? Here,” Terzo reached into his pocket and pulled out a $50 bill, which he tucked between the buttons of the officer’s coat, “Something for your trouble, yes? Go on… Take it.”

“I suggest you do what he says, boy,” Copia warned. “Leave while you can.”

The young man was shaking violently, almost sobbing. “You are in… violation of… of… The Volstead Act, and I’m… I’m…”

Secondo sighed and rolled his eyes. “Fuck this,” he muttered. He stomped forward and grabbed the officer’s gun hand, his gloved palm covering it completely. In one swift move, Secondo swept in behind him, bringing his other arm around the young man’s neck in a chokehold. The man gasped and whined as he was forced out onto the dock, closer and closer to the water, his toes dangling over the edge of the wooden boards. The only thing keeping him from falling in face first was Secondo’s grip.

“I told you, kid,” Copia said sadly, “Look what happens when you try to be a hero.”

Secondo took the man’s hand, the one holding the gun, and brought the barrel up against the man’s temple. “How did you find this place, huh? This is private property. Emphasis on private.”

“I… I was just driving by…” the officer wheezed, “And I saw…”

“Bullshit!” Secondo tightened his grip on the gun, placing his finger on the trigger. “You don’t just stumble on this place. Who told you? Who sent you?”

The young man squeezed his eyes shut, tears rolling down his cheeks. He shook his head but did not speak.

“Come on, bambino,” Terzo snarled, “Speak up!”

No response.

“How old are you, boy?” Secondo asked.

“Twen… Twenty-two,” the officer choked out.

“You’re just a baby, so much life ahead of you. Is this really how you want to go out? Hmmm? Protecting someone who sent you straight into the lion’s den?”

The officer would not relent. “It’s my duty… my duty to serve and protect. I’m arresting you…”

The two brothers exchanged looks. Terzo nodded tersely and stepped back. Copia knew what was coming - he felt pity for the young man, but there was nothing he could do now.

“Sorry about your luck, boy,” Secondo said, cold as ice. He pulled the trigger and the sound of the gunshot rang out in the crisp morning air.

Terzo stepped forward and pulled the bloody $50 bill out of the officer’s coat before Secondo let go of the lifeless body, sending it into the river with a sploosh. He tossed the gun in after it. The three men stood in the pale light, watching as the body sank toward the bottom in a perverse show of respect for the fallen.

“So,” Terzo said, handing a black handkerchief to his brother, “We’re either being spied on, or we have a rat. No way was he just passing by.”

Secondo wiped at the blood splattered across his face, nodding. “Either way, our whole operation is in jeopardy now.”

“Imperator’s gang?” Copia assumed.

“Has to be,” Terzo agreed. He looked out over the water at the sunrise, his rage simmering. “Papa does not hear about this until we figure out our next move, si? Let’s get the fuck outta here.”

Copia and Terzo began to head back to their waiting vehicle, but Secondo did not move. He stood silently on the dock for a few moments, his eyes closed. He reached up to the band of his hat and pulled out a folded piece of paper he kept there, a small lined sheet that had been torn out of a notebook. He produced a pencil from his inner coat pocket and added another tally mark to the dozens that were already there. One for each life he had taken in service of his father. He counted up the new total, even though he already knew the number. He always knew the number.

Secondo re-folded the paper and placed it back in his hat band as he walked to join the others. He gave Copia the once over as he passed him: “Looks like you’ve got a bit of a mess on you,” he pointed out.

Copia looked down and saw flecks of blood spattered over the front of his white suit jacket. “Ah, shit,” he swore.

Terzo chucked and handed the blood-stained $50 bill to Copia: “This should cover your cleaning bill, Piano Man.”

#ghost #the band ghost #ghost fan fic #ghost fanfiction #ghost fan fic AU #my fan fic #my fan fiction #copia #terzo #secondo

69 notes · View notes

snow-and-saltea · 10 months ago

Text

People I'd like to know better

Tagged by @paleasamoon (hi tex i love you tex sorry this took a year) (HEH. get it. cus you tagged me last year. heh.)

Last song: just putting on yt music as im reading manga and talking to muwi, and now its playing burn for you, from the bridgerton musical! (i don't know watch or follow it) (it's just a nice song) but i'd also like to recommend this song

Favourite colour: YELLOW!!!! 💛💛💛💛💛💛

Currently watching: my computer screen writing this up

Last movie / TV show: skip to loafer! i was screaming with muwi the entire time bc the story was so sweet and healing and everyone is so sympathetic and cute and we kept being like AAAAAAAAAA I LOVE WOMEN FRIENDSHIPS SO MUCHHHHHH

Spicy/savoury/sweet: sweet! if i could choose a combo, i like savoury-sweet. i like spice but only if i like the flavour! i'm not keen on the actual pain sensation of spice!!

Last thing I googled: hummmm i don't remember... i think a marinade recipe i made yesterday night? i made a korean base marinade for some lamb chops!! i cooked them today and invited my sister to eat with us, it was rlly yummy!

Relationship status: single! waves my aroace flag!!! i'm curious about how it feels to be in a relationship but it's not smth i try to actualize LOL i'm content w reading my shoujosei man-ga/hwa/huas <33

Current obsession: idk if i could call them obsessions yet but right now i'm really invested in sousou no frieren (anime only, havent caught up to the manga), skip to loafer (same there), and i'm looking for more wholesome healing stories. although now that i'm going through my reading lists for stories i've dropped, i'm laughing at them fjaksfjkasfj

(i promise this one has proper context bc i usually like pacifist mcs just bc i like politics and connection seeking to be based on a foundation of empathy and kindness. but this one was just so stupid and just a way to establish how good the mc was to the point that i couldn't get immersed in the story bc it was that nonsensical and i wanted to die)

i'm typically fine w mary sues / jane(?) FLs and i even tend to be biased for them just bc there's a lot of misogyny about the subject matter, so i normally don't bat an eye unless it's a writing choice i find unsuitable / doesn't fulfill the potential it could've achieved with an interesting plot.

(btw the context is that the first screenie which this rant also applies to was when some guy caught the baddies and the FL is like "No let's reward them for trying to kill us. they're just misunderstood!! i bet if we try really hard we can all get along!!")

but! i only really like it when it actually does something useful, like thematically or symbolically. like tohru's innate goodness for furuba inline with the sohma's family curse and mitsumi's unending positivity and earnestness that helps the people around her heal from emotional wounds. not that they're mary sues in any way, but since people understand mary sues as "female protagonists who can do no wrong and will be liked no matter what" (even thought their psychology and personality is just genuinely likeable), i think it makes my point clear. there's a way to write a character who is Good and Kind without cheapening them to a naivete that at best, makes the mc pitiable, or worst, is treated like the mc's totally unique worldview of "lets be nice to people and never hurt anyone ever :)" is the end all be all of the story and the solution to the plot. kindness and empathy is a coiled spring that projects you forward, a motivator. it's how you guide your hand and where it goes, not that the hand is never raised. i don't agree that cowardice towards change and the potential promise of conflict is any kind of wisdom >:T plus it kinda puts the shame to the idea of kindness as a legitimate basis for political strategy, and that leads to some set up for a lot of zero sum games i don't care for in this specific story. there is a good story where each character is trying to one up each other politically, psychologically, at all times, but this is not that story and so the tone feels very off kilter.

but yeah!! sometimes a character is just OP and the story is not even having fun with it (aka its not satire or irony), which makes me think they want to take it seriously. and my serious thoughts was that it sucked.

(i just realised this also applies to the first screenie LMFAO it just loops back huh!!)

not gonna comment about the others bc i think they speak for themselves <33 but also the first one of these three is fucked up in the sense that i dont even get where they're going w the story. its a revenge story and the FL uses the ML from childhood to achieve her revenge, but then suddenly when he's an adult she has Feelings for Him and now im like.... okay....? belief no longer suspended. beliefs are like those garter straps that snapped. my socks are like my beliefs. fallen to my feet. they are no longer suspended.

sorry that got off track </33 i enjoy looking into why i dont like things, im in this stage of life where i realise i actually have specific ass tastes!! i always have, but i just realised it very recently a few years back fjskfjskjf

People I'd like to know better (i also wanna include some mutuals who i haven't talked to but i like to see on my dash):

@snickerdoodlles

@fflewddurfflam7

@00uroboros

@perpetualstateofcrying

@pirate-with-internet-connection

💛🐢😤💪

#yuu rambles #thank you tex and this was rlly long sorry before i realised i've spent like 20 mins writing my rant about idealism JFAKSJFKASFJ #<3333

6 notes · View notes

yanderu-deredere · 2 years ago

Note

Gawain Dubhán Byrne, Gavin Ciarán Byrne, Eun-jeong Yoo, Ryuunosuke Yamamoto with a reader who is extremely afraid of the dark, who can cry and always grabs the yanderes as his lifeline.

a/n: i feel like i always say this but this is literally me as fuck, esp with my night blindness loool neway, thank you for the request! and hopefully this is what you were asking for!

warning: gender neutral reader

gawain dubhán byrne ★ profile

goddamn coward when it comes to horror movies, haunted houses, things that go bump in the night

i wouldn't say he's as bad as you when it comes to being in the dark but i'd like to say that he comes pretty close

but guess what? he becomes the bravest man in the world when you get scared

he has an overprotective streak a mile long and he wants nothing but to take care of you so when you give him the opportunity?

he eats that shit up

so its safe to say he absolutely lives for this

lowkey is super terrible at hiding that he's not scared sometimes tho and it's kinda funny

like he's really bad at not flinching at small noises but he'll be as stiff as a board, trying his hardest not to let it show that he'll probably piss his pants if the noise gets any closer

thankfully, gawain would be the overly prepared type to like have a flashlight at all times, phone always at 100%, there's batteries in every drawer, etc

if you start crying, he'll get even braver. he'll get super serious and all of the fear in his body like literally evaporates and disappears

there's nothing he takes more seriously than you crying becos the last thing he ever wants to see is you sad and scared and crying

the kind of nerd that carries and embroidered handkerchief in his pocket for times like this!

Gawain wrapped an overprotective arm around you, his hand firmly yet gently cupped over your shoulder. His other free hand held his handkerchief, carefully dabbing the corner of it onto your cheeks to wipe away your tears.

"There, there." His voice was soft, soothing, calm in a way that made you feel calm too "Don't worry, I'm here too, I won't let anything happen to you, my love."

gavin ciarán byrne ★ profile

unfortunately, this mans lowkey loves scaring the shit out of you

the type of boyfriend to sneak up behind you and grab your side and make you scream

it's a bit different when you're like really scared tho like when the two of you are already in a scary situation

if the two of you are at a haunted house for halloween or when the two of you are watching a horror movie and it's really dark, he'll be hesitant to try to scare u

like yeah, he wants to surprise you but he doesn't want to terrify you

the most unfortunate part about this whole debacle is that this stupid idiot can sometimes have a bit of a difficulty telling between when you're just a little bit surprised and when you're downright terrified

honestly, the type to just hold you and not really have much else useful he'll do cus he'll be too panicked to think of anything else

if you start crying, he'll feel like an absolute jerk and he might try his best to make it up to you by trying to make you laugh or by bribing you with your favourite sweet treats

Gavin practically crushes you against his chest, one of his hands gripping onto any piece of clothing you have, the other cupping your neck and pressing your head into his chest.

"I'm so so sorry, baby, oh my god, I'm so sorry!" He babbles almost nonsensically, the panic and guilt eating at his heart "Please don't cry! Please don't cry!"

eun-jeong yoo ★ profile

approaches this with the most logic out of everyone on this list

also out of everyone on this list, eunjeong is the hardest to scare? he's seen the scum of the earth in the slums of lovelock so things like horror movies and monsters that go bump in the night don't really send a shiver down his spine

so he'll be calm and collected for you loool

he's not as ready as gawain but he'll definitely keep in mind that you have such a terrible fear of the dark. the worse your fear, the more he'll be prepared for it

he always has a lighter with him becos he smokes when you're not around is just always prepared so, if you feel safe, he'll flick it on for you and see if that makes you feel better

or he'll just hold you close if his lighter doesn't work

eunjeong also has the nicest calmest voice out of everyone on the list so he could talk you down very well i think

if you start crying, i think it'll fluster him a bit and he'll panic just slightly (definitely not as badly as gavin) but he'll recover fast and try to comfort you as quickly as he can

Eun-jeong cradled you in between his legs, your back pressed tightly against his chest, his knees on either side of yours, his arms caging you in. In his hands, in front of you, he flickered his lighter on again, the flame dancing like ballerina in the dark.

"It'll be fine." He muttered against your ear in that calm yet almost monotone voice of his "The light will be on when they fix it. I'll be right here while we wait. It will all be okay."

ryuunosuke yamamoto ★ profile

a lot like eunjeong except way more emotional loool

like eunjeong, he's kind of seen the worst of humanity so there's not a lot that can scare him

like what can be in the dark? a monster? baby, youre in love with the worst monster in lovelock!

i'd say jokes aside but unfortunately that's not a joke

neway, that aside, in my humble opinion, ryuu would be the best to have around when you're in the dark

he'd do his best to make light of the situation, maybe make you laugh a little bit, maybe make fun of himself so you can giggle at his expense

he'll try to get your mind off of the fear so to speak

if that doesn't work, he'll just point out how big and manly and strong he is and what kind of monster could win against someone like him? not any kind that exists, that's for sure!

if you cry, he'll panic a lot like gavin. he's not very good against you crying becos he's weak against stuff like that. it makes him wanna cry too but, of course, he has to be strong for the both of you!

he'll comfort you the best he can and try to make you laugh or maybe even try to find the closest light source possible if making you laugh doesn't work!

"Oh no! Don't cry!" Ryuu suddenly screamed out, making you flinch and ramping your anxiety up even more.

He quickly noticed that, of course, and felt even worse. He wrapped his arms around your shoulders, his hand cupping the back of your head and pressing your face into his neck "Ohhh, nooo, if I see you cry, I'll cry! Please don't! Ahhh, dam'it!"

#yandere oc x reader #yandere x reader #male yandere #yandere #oc x reader #male oc #gavin #gawain #eunjeong #ryuu

23 notes · View notes

55sturn · 3 months ago

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/55sturn/760106858464919552/the-way-i-need-to-rant-to-someone-abt-my-crush?source=share

So like it's my best friend and we have known each other since lil kids cus we were going to the same school same grade yk and like since elementary school our classmates were like shipping us and I was always saying "nooo he's not my type" and shi but then in like don't know 3/4 grade I told my girl best friend that I think I have a lil crush on him etc (I think it was gone then??) and leave it that way we were still friends all this shit🧍untill like um two year ago in my sophomore year his friend told me he (my bsf) have a crush on me and that he loves me and me with my trust issues said just "okay" and didn't belived him😭 we were super close literally everyone who we knew and were our friends were shipping us and this type shit while we were just saying that "we are just friends" (Adrien Agreste much?) and maybe I am weird or mean or other things but I was always "mean" to him like hitting and beating him playfully 24/7 and call him names but he also was calling me names LIKE A CASUAL FRIENDSHIP RIGHT? But the other side wasn't casual like flirty jokes in this sophomore/junior/senior year and all that that was not casual🤓 like even his cousin asked us if we are dating😭 untill we started this senior year (2023/2024 year) and he got gf.💀 I didn't knew why, but I got a lil sad, like wdym gf?😔. Still we were friends all this shit then they broke up but I think I found out abt this a little bit late. Months passed, everything was the same, I thought that he got another gf so I stopped being that flirty handsy with him but later found out he doesn't have a gf🤓 at almost the end of the senior year we had a 5 days school trip and when I tell you the tension we had was BIG😭? Like we were every evening watching "saw" and laying in his bed in his room VERY close to each other you could even say we were cuddling (IN OUR FRIENDSHIP WE DID IT LIKE 2 TIMES BEFORE!!), he even took my legs and put them on his, like they were interwined🔥 and other things, when we were driving a bus to some places I was going to sleep and some idiots were taking picture of me sleeping and sending them to him and he said I look cute when I sleep???😭 the last night of this school trip I realised that I MIGHT have a crush on him when I got jealous that some girl were doing him makeup and were holding him and were SO close to him🤓🤓🤓 and didn't knew what to do cus after the school trip we were having like a week before graduating😭 It was on June, like two weeks before the end of June, and still didn't told anyone even from my girl best friends group cus like I was always telling them that I don't love him, we are just friends and now I think I would be too embarrassed to tell them abt my stupid crush. But, I'm starting college next week, he is also starting one, we are probably gonna drive the same bus, and I feel like our contact died over this summer cus we texted like only one time, and I'm just scared that I'm never gonna be with him, that he got a new gf, and I'm not gonna experience the teenage love and relationship💀.

(reading all this shit to see if I didn't make any mistakes, and I remembered when he put my thumbprint as one of his phone unlocks, when years ago he was he held me up and he was walking backwards, he tripped over his backpack and we fell down, literally my laying on him/beside him🤓🔥)

I AM SO SO SORRY THAT THIS SHIT IS SO LONG😭😭😭 I just had to throw it all out of myself😔 im so sorry

since you guys have been friends for so long, i understand the hesitation. but honestly, i say fuck it and reach out to him and ask to hang out if you can or call if you can, just to rekindle and see what’s happened.

0 notes

dearhargrove · 2 years ago

Note

So never done this before lol, but i was wondering if you could do a Billy H (from stranger things) X Reader. Where readers parents are abusive and find out she's bisexual (maybe b/c someone told them, idk) and she goes to Billy, since their dating and he already new about it, for comfort. And its all fluff??

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: (request)

ʙɪʟʟʏ ʜᴀʀɢʀᴏᴠᴇ x ғ!ʀᴇ��ᴅᴇʀ

𝔱𝔴'𝔰: bad parents

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 1303

𝔞/𝔫: I was a little nervous writing this (still am posting this) as I'm not bi and wasnt sure how far i could go. Anyway, I hope this is appropriate (as appropriate as it can be :') ) and you, @loverofthings2425, enjoy this! Also, I know it's super fucking late and I do know there's nothing to excuse this. Apart from that, Google Docs is giving me trouble (nothing is synchronizing anymore... Whatever the fuck that means). Excuse this super late update. Love y'all and please forgive me <3

not proof read. I'm sorry.

masterlist | navigation

Wiping your tears you leave your house, walking quick enough for it to be considered rushing.

After a lot of convincing from both Billy and your best friend Robin, you'd come to the conclusion to tell your parents about you being bisexual. They knew this possibly wouldn't end well, but better than sneaking around, right?

You had hidden it for a long time as it wasn't really welcome in this society - especially in a small town like Hawkins - so you stuck to hiding it. After about three months Robin and you got closer than ever and she told you about herself. It came only as a slight shock if you thought of all the times she brutally shot down any boy that came close.

She was also the one that helped you figure yourself out. When you started dating Billy it was clear to you (and Robin) that you'd never tell him. You did think it'd be unfair as he was your boyfriend and should know something important like that, but he was still... Billy. And Billy was the last person you'd want to know.

Maybe that should've stopped you from committing and entering this relationship. You're glad it didn't though, because half a year into it and he knows. It was a long evening, both of you left tired from dinner with your family.

When you watched the way he talked about you, looked at you or simply interacted you realized something. There was a huge misconception surrounding Billy Hargrove. Yes, he was rough. He wasn't someone you should mess with or on whose bad side you should get. But he wasn't all that tough when he trusted someone.

So, when he started realizing you wouldn't leave or betray him, he really started being himself. He would let you brush his hair - even braid it sometimes if you're pushing it - and was simply... soft around you.

So soft and lovable that you told him. He was quiet at first, after all this didn't just happen all the time and his girlfriend was also... attracted to girls?

He was a bit suspicious of your friendship with Robin afterwards, but you were quick to knock some sense into him because yes, she's cute but never in that way.

Which cued all his jokes about liking the same stuff and that you shouldn't even be that repulsed from his... special magazines.

All in all it had gone great and you loved him even more after.

Maybe you shouldn't have thought it'd apply to your parents too, besides all the shit they've done to you all your life. They weren't as bad as Billy's dad, but definitely found fun in throwing insults your way or making you duck several empty bottles or cans.

Which led you to now, crying in your car while driving over the speed limit at nearly nine at night on a saturday. It had, despite your hopes, gone horrible. Your parents didn't believe you at first - tried making sense of what you were saying, that you were dating Billy and that what you were saying wasn't possible.

When you kept insisting they just stood there, shocked for a few seconds. That's when the yelling began. They were mad that you "chose" to be like that, etcetera. When it had gotten too much, you walked out.

You could go to Robin, she'd understand you after all, but Billy was just a tad bit more the comfort you were leaning towards right now.

Parking your car down the street in a small space engulfed by some trees you exited and breathed in deep - you couldn't make any noise at his now, so you needed to stop crying.

While walking over you made sure to make it seem as if you're walking past his house - so if his dad was watching he'd just see you as another passenger.

When you found your usual route you pushed his window open with practiced movements and climbed in, the piece of wood doing as a perfect help to reach.

He was sitting on his bed, leaning against his headboard while holding a cassette in his hands. The tape on the inside had shriveled up and he was frustratedly picking at it.

You smiled at the sight of him, his curly hair framing his face in the most beautiful way, and his lips slightly parted from looking down.

His tank top on the other hand made his biceps bulge even more and you sheepishly looked away. He hasn't noticed your presence yet, still focused on the small piece of plastic in his hands.

"Baby," you say and hope your voice doesn't sound as shaky to him as it does to you. He flinches a little before realizing it's you and lays the tape aside. He calls your name, a little confused at you being there. Usually you'd call before coming, making sure he wasn't in a situation with his dad.

"What are you doing here?" He asks again, but opens his arms for you nonetheless. "I told them," you grunt as you fall into his arms, shoes discarded under his bed and keys on his nightstand. He stays silent for a second before sighing and raking a hand down your back. "Didn't go well, I take?" You nod and he mumbles something under his breath before pulling you next to him in his bed.

It smelled of cigarettes and his perfume, comforting. "Started yelling at me about how it wasn't real and I was just trying to make them mad and shit," you explain while he adjusts the blanket around your shoulders. He barely had any blanket to himself, but he also runs incredibly hot, so he stuck to sleeping without being cocooned in a blanket most of the time anyway.

"Ah," he says before throwing a shoe at the lightswitch and effectively turning the light off. You send him a disapproving glare before sulking again. "So unnecessary, too. Anyway, I thought I'd stay here for the night and then with Robin until they cool off," you explain while wiggling into his arms. He chuckles and pats your head before inhaling slowly. "You know parents suck. Especially ours. But it's whatever because in a while we're outta here."

It started as a joke on your part - leaving after graduation and going back to California. Both your parents were shit and nothing big could be achieved in this small town either.

But that's where the plans were stuck. You had seen it in the way he hesitated; that he didn't want to leave Max alone. Which is why it was almost entirely hypothetical when you were talking about it.

"Hm," you hum and lean against his chest. "Just glad you're with me."

He scoffs and slaps your shoulder lightly - 'lightly' in his book. He was too strong for this shit - and you slap his arm, too, "Stop saying that like I'm gonna leave any second. Fucking trust me, babe."

He sounded annoyed and you laughed but nodded, "Sure."

He sighed but leaned more against you, chin on your forehead. "We'll figure this out, yeah? Just go to sleep now," he pauses and you can feel him planning another comment, "Unless you wanna do something else~" he smirks.

"Billy." You sternly say and he just chuckles amusedly before settling back down. "I'm serious though, you've left me hanging for a week now and it's not funny anymore," with that the serious tension faded and you giggled happily while he keeps his look serious but whiny.

This was the reason for you to keep going no matter how much your parents disapproved.

#stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things imagine #stranger things x reader #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove #dacre montgomery x reader #dacre montgomery

212 notes · View notes