#sorry i haven't been as active lately i've been feeling so tired all the time :3 im working on it!! mwa <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[pxltown]

; don't want love, i want-

[wishmkr-jirachi]

...

[tan1shere]

Heyyyyyyy could YOU please PLEASE do one where Billie tells the reader how to touch herself, while Billie is on tour?!!?

Call Me

Billie Eilish x female reader !

A/n: coming righttttt up, hope you like it 😊

Warnings: smut, phone sex ?? Masterbating - think thats it !

Masterlist

It was lonely here all alone. Finding little jobs and activities to do to fill in time. Whenever you weren't working, yourself. Your girlfriend, Billie was currently on her HMHAS tour. And you haven't seen her in days. Truth be told you missed her like crazy. Her presence. Her voice. Her touch..

Which led to the next feeling you missed. Ovulation was no joke. And you were currently facing the feral-ness of it. Even more so that she isn't here. You had been frustrated all day. And you only now realize why. You needed to touch yourself, you had to relieve this pent up tension. So as the night comes along you get into your warm, comfortable bed. Checking the time. Billie usually calls around this time.

You figure shes sleeping, she had been extra tired lately. You go to slide your hand down into your shorts, about to touch yourself. When you do, but stopping. Things aren't the same. You wanted her touch. You try to continue but nothing was feeling good right now. That caused more frustration to bubble inside you. Deciding to just sleep it away. And hope tomorrow was normal.

Next day rolls around and you still have the same feeling. Frustration and horniness. Not a great combination, the day felt longer because of it. It was a bit earlier when you got home, but thankfully Billie didn't have a show today. So she was hopefully going to answer when you call. You couldn't take it anymore you needed her help. And you needed it desperately.

You go to lay on the bed, grabbing your phone and dialing her number. She answers in seconds, causing you to grow nervous. In all the years of being with her, phone sex was the one thing you've yet to do. So ofcourse you were nervous. Would she even help you, would this be odd? "Hi baby." You hear her say, cheerfully. You smile to yourself. "Hello!" You try your hardest to not jump into things, going to try give her some hints.

"How was your day?" She then asks. You sigh, ever so lightly. "A little frustrating, good to be home though. How about yours?" - "Mine was pretty boring I've just been preparing for tomorrow's show and chilling. Why was yours frustrating my love?" You think for a moment. "Just some work and other little things, some of which I just can't fix by myself.." - "I'm sorry, anything I can do to help at all?" Yes. Phone fuck me. Was all you wanted to say but you had to play things cool. Even if your body was heating up at the thought of this happening.

"Not that I can think of, just wanted to hear your voice I missed you." She smiles to herself. "I miss you too babe." There was a small pause, you were contemplating on how you'd do this. When a small idea pops into your head. You missed her voice so much, and it sounds like you had just woke her up from a nap. Her voice was slightly raspy, a bit of her tiredness peeking through.

"Did anything else happen today?" You then ask, getting comfortable on the bed. Moving your hands just above the waistband of your underwear. You had decided to get straight into your sleepwear, just a loose night gown. Wanting to feel good as all you've been wearing lately are big t-shirts to bed. You wanted to feel hot, make this moment more sensual. "Not too much if im honest, just got my outfit for tomorrow, did some other things. Just boring stuff really." You hum in reply, moving your hand in your underwear as she speaks.

Was this wrong? It felt a little like that. Your face heats up what're you even doing. But you get pulled from your thoughts when you hear your name. "Hello? Y/n, baby. You still there?" The name made you bite your lip. "Y-yeah sorry." She chuckles. "You didn't answer my question love." "Oh, oops. What was it?" She smiles to herself again, finding you cute. Except what you were doing was far from cute and downright filthy. "I asked you how shark had been, he's behaving right?" Your hand moves lower, trying to stay focused on the conversation and her voice. "Y-yeah he's been good." You let out a quiet sigh but she hears it. "Everything ok?"

You get nervous again, how were you even going to manage this. "I'm fine.." You needed her to keep talking, and thankfully she does. "Ok, Im sure if it's anything youre just tired. I was going to talk to you about when I get back, we have a dinner with Finn on the Friday. Just thought I'd remind you incase you forgot." Your finger had been in you, slowly moving the whole time she was talking. And when you don't reply she gets more confused. "Baby, what're you doing you seem distracted." You holt your movements, trying to think of an excuse but why? You wanted to call her and ask.

Ask her to talk to you, help you. So why were you so damn nervous. "Talk to me baby." God sake her voice was so hot even when she wasn't intentionally trying. You bite your lip again trying to stop any noise that was about to escape. Mustering up some sort of strength to reply. "I'm f-fine." Was all you managed to respond with. Billie sits there in thought, when she hears another sigh. Was she catching on? She needed to be sure. "I miss you, so. So much." She was playing with fire. You don't respond again, having your eyes shut as you try to give yourself pleasure.

When it's not working you let out another sigh followed by a tiny whine. She hears that loud and clear, smirking to herself. She knew good and well what you were doing. "Can't wait to see you in a few days, get to kiss you. Hold you. Touch.. you." She chose her words evily. But she didn't stop there. A breath was to be heard. Followed by a frustrated sigh. "Let me help, baby. You sound annoyed." Another small whine left you, at the fact she was right and just overall the way she was speaking to you.

Your brows knit together, giving in and letting her. She knows now, there's no point in staying silent. "It's no good, I miss you. Your hands." She coos. "I know baby, I know. I'm just so good at touching my girl huh?" Your head rests back. "So good." You breath into the speaker. "Your fingers still inside?" You reply with a hum. "Move em." So you do just that, slowly at first. "Move your thumb, touch your clit for me." You do that, touching it then moving your thumb in a circle motion.

Everything was so still and quiet she could hear your wetness and God it was driving her nuts, she wanted to be there. To see it, to feel it. "That's it." She says encouragingly, hearing your noises as you speed up on both tactics. She could just imagine it, you touching yourself just to her speaking. "Was baby doing this the whole time I was talking?" She then says. Your cheeks grow red with heat. "I- uhm." She lets out an evil chuckle, sending tingles straight to your pussy. It was such a hot chuckle. But then again, anything she did right now was 10x hotter. "You're such a filthy girl huh?" You bite your lip yet again.

Feeling more pleasure than you had been. "Please keep talking please." You begged. Voice so needy. "Plunge deeper for me, know you can. Imagine my fingers. How deep they go. Imagine your thumb is my tongue as I swirl it around your throbbing clit." Your back arches at the thought, you needed it more than anything. "Need you so bad." A louder moan was to be heard. The fact this woman is just talking to you and you almost coat the sheets in your nectar. She felt all the power in this moment. "Go faster for me - that's a good girl." She finishes as she hears the squelching increase. Your breaths and moans mingle into one as you get closer.

"Mmm, fuck I'm so so close. Please." She laughs yet again. "So cute, still asking to cum even when I'm miles away. So incredibly good, aren't you?" Your head lulls back into the pillows again, feeling the knot almost snap. "Fuck, Billie." - "Faster baby, rub your clit. Wanna hear you squirt." Just those words alone send both of those sensations out of you, having you leak and squirt all at once. Your breath being uneven as your eyes roll back. "Good, girl. That's what I like to hear."

[rav-rabies-art-blog]

Wip Wednesdays returns

Hello everyone sorry I haven't been as active, but I come bearing lots of wips.

I finished that singing Zanzo in my sketchbook and also started a summer Zanzo. I might do a full version of both (with Chai giving his opinion on Zanzo's singing) for fun.

Here's some of the beat goes on that's in progress. This has been my main focus lately. Still I'm a little frustrated with the speed I'm going at but I hoping to catch my stride soon. I've never really done longer comics like this before so I'm learning as I go.

I think this is my favorite Kale pic I've drawn. I also got a shorter (3 pages) sillier comic that this is a part of. This should be done (fingers crossed/knock on wood) by Monday.

Like I did with Zanzo I'm doing a teen Kale (with bonus baby peppermint) I'm meh on Kale so far, mostly because I feel it's too close to how he looks as an adult, but I love baby pepper. Though she's sad because her big brother doesn't want to play with her anymore.

Writing side I got two oneshots, both Kale/Zanzo here my favorite bit from one.

Zanzo grumbled as he rode the elevator up. He was getting real tired of the pranks. Today, EVERY SINGLE PEN went missing in R&D.

Every single one... who has that much time to be that petty. He thought, Probably Roquf- no. He probably couldn't stomach taking that much time not making money.

He had spent a good chunk of the day looking for them. he didn't necessarily need them, but it was the idea of it. The 'why' of it just pissed him off. He had finally found them on a high ledge. All shoved up there, save the ones that had somehow been knocked over.

[madfantasy]

Dear blogging

Wish you peace, always. Considering all, it been extra rough. My guardians were sick, and my fragile of a stability was about to break— but it okay now, and the pendulum of consciousness returned swaying in my head.

Somehow in the middle of everything, I was starting to feel okay and accept that this is the best it can get for this non verbal Mani. I honestly I stopped living as if there was tomorrow maybe the majority of 2023, zero drive or hopefulness, and lately started to accept that there's no denying that I'm not made to survive this life, and dropped all pretence that I'm able, set a 5 years counter. Because if mere looking at people's faces distress me so much that I blank out &/or go mute, since childhood, no amount of me forcing myself to watch videos/ pictures over and over can fix that. That's simply how I'm made and I know that now, and in a way it's bringing me peace.

Because I thought I'm bratting when I wore my headphones to cancel out noise that were literally going to drive me insane, or when I couldn't respond to messages knowing that I can articulate deeply in writing but ignoring all the endless times when I simply couldn't, and have forced myself to eat many things that set me days in nausea and abdominal pain while I only enjoy liquids more and get high off of fruits, I love them so much half my OCs are named after some.. and drew.. drew even before I spoke because it was my only outlit to express because how much I'm told I'm like a robot, I'm so expressionless and non reactive and disgustingly literal, even when they actively beat me black Nd blue to stop drawing, I couldn't.. where do you free those emotions when U can, i needed emotion displays and heartfelt trimmers, thrilling or killing, I needed to do them as if my life depended on it, and I haven't realised it back then, but my life was dependent on them, even when I had 'no talent ' , as I have always been told.

(commissioned by precious Julia ♥��🖤)

And besides drawing my needs, I actually, physically, started to feel better when I didn't do what my body said it literally can't do, all my life:

-Walked away from my guardians arguments, my chest stabbing pains became less frequent.

Stopped "practicing" my voice &/or facial expressions, I talk for 2 minutes, immediately my whole face muscles hurt, voice is cracking and gone, I don't feel like my eyebrows hurt as much. I'm okay being the monotone no expresso train c:

-stopped eating what I "don't like" (I mean it's not like I have much choice, but stopped feeling guilty over refusing it cuz food be tight) Nd now I can actually drink more water, and my tummy aches are on lower levels now

-i stopped dealing with Discord, or group chats in general cuz I don't expect accommodation over things I can't deal with. Stopped stressing over doing engaging material that no body seems to care about, cuz I'm not a good judge of demand, or stressing over either I should be thanking everyone who spams me with likes or not, (while I appreciate it to the moon) 90% of the time they don't respond Nd Im forced to think like I've done something wrong. I'm now at more ease with posting — (literally I have to fight the urges to delete my socials daily) just with interacting with who addresses me (I lov U guys sm) and I've been more relaxed from it.

I returned to "speaking in riddles" cuz if I don't use the words my brain spews no matter how weird they R, a tire will pop somewhere on the other side of an AU- idk lo'

-i rock, hum and laugh OUT my maniacal laugh, hard and strong, continued loving and talking to my plushies as I used to do, the easiest thing I could do to feel calmer again. As everyone should do

.. I stopped saying the word sorry. It's a naughty Mani era.

Accepting these facts and many, even with having no will to live had me saner than I ever been, at least I hope so.

I just know that I have a few to be grateful of: that I'm still here somehow, even with my dwindling income, Nd my internet not worth costing 120$± I'm always grateful for the sudden one or two commissions that keeps me here and buys me coffee and pumpkins seeds..

I still struggle horrindously with sleep. But I'm grateful at least I'm at pure ease playing games. Games been my go to media for knowing basically all based on books they were made about, like Severus and Tintin, I still play their ps1 games! Tho I got stuck on this game & their sleep has given me so much ease lo

I'm at my happy place rn, heh.

Bonus panel: ye they R hungry for that SHI- lo 🙈

And an honorary appearance of my OC with Tintin hehe

Stay safe, don't feed the overconsumption machine, don't give up on your heartstrings's stringers, don't worry— there are people who think and feel like you always between the crowds, and I'm thankful that I share the same timeline with you♥️🖤

Sweet dreams 🌃 19.2.2024

[finalgirlkateausten]

the stakes are high, the water's rough

set during "fire and water". kate has a lot of pent-up energy, and it looks to her like claire and aaron could use a bodyguard. claire tries to get her friend to relax.

"Kate, come here."

Kate pauses, scuffing the toe of her boot in the sand. She turns briefly to glance at Claire before scanning the horizon once more. "Hm? Whatcha need?"

"Just thought you might want to sit down," Claire answers. "I mean, you're pacing like a guard dog." She laughs.

Kate sighs, pulling the elastic from her hair. The braid is giving her a headache. "I don't want to sit down. I've been sitting enough. Ever since that asshole grabbed me off the side of the mountain Jack has barely let me leave camp." She frowns, kicking the sand harder. It sprays toward Claire's shaded picnic blanket. "Not that he tells me what to do, I just-- ugh!"

Claire pats the blanket, giving Kate a tired smile. "Come sit down."

Kate drops obediently with a groan, kicking her boots off so she can tuck her feet underneath her. "Boys are stupid. My ten-year-old self had the right idea."

Claire giggles. "You don't think it's sweet, how worried he is? Every time I see you two together, Jack is staring at you like an adorable little puppy. I think you're lucky."

She's right, which makes Kate feel even more guilty. "I tried to go hunting yesterday," she says, pressing her fingers into the blanket hard enough to make dents in the sand beneath. "I speared a couple squirrel-looking things. It put me in a good mood, 'cause we haven't had much meat lately. And then I got back and Jack was asking everyone he ran into if they'd seen me... and it didn't make me angry. I just felt bad for worrying him. I don't know-- I didn't realize once we started talking about our feelings, they would just... get everywhere."

Claire raises her eyebrows. "Well... at least he hasn't tried to drown your baby."

Kate winces, her eyes falling to where Aaron is snoozing in his mother's arms. "I'm really sorry about Charlie."

"I thought he'd changed," Claire says, her voice shaking. "For the better, I mean. We've all moved past the things we went through before the crash... but when I saw what was inside those statues..."

Kate swallows hard. She's definitely had a few late-night conversations with Jack that she couldn't have voiced in the light of the day, but Claire's right-- Charlie has actively chosen to backpedal, to make things worse for himself and everyone else.

"I don't think he wants to hurt you," she says slowly, "either of you. He's just..." she trails off, realizing she has no idea how Charlie and Claire have ended up here. "I mean, if he is using, he's living in a very different world than the rest of us."

Claire's mouth forms a moue of disappointment. "I want him to come back," she admits. "As scared as I am, of what he wants with Aaron now, I miss him. But I don't know how to help him."

Kate stares out toward the horizon and thinks about white-knuckling a steering wheel as gunshots ring out. "Not everyone can be helped," she rasps.

"Maybe not," Claire agrees, with a heavy sigh. "But I think you can help him." She lifts her chin, and Kate follows her gaze to where Jack is handing pills to Sawyer. Even from here, she thinks he looks tired.

She'll help him sleep tonight, when they're not sweaty and stressed and weighed down by the dozen other things they have to focus on. Now, though...

"I'd rather be your bodyguard," she tells Claire with a grin.

"Let's make a deal, then," Claire retorts, offering her own dimpled smile. "When I don't need a bodyguard anymore... you tell Jack you don't need one either." She looks serious now. "Tell him it wasn't his fault."

Kate's stomach flips, and for a moment she tastes dirty cloth in her mouth again. But Claire is right.

The younger woman is holding out her pinky, and Kate can't help but laugh. She interlocks her own with it. "Deal."

As soon as they let go, there's the sound of shouting from further down the beach. Claire's smile drops.

"I'd better get bodyguarding," Kate says with a scowl. "Don't worry, Claire, okay? It'll work out."

[tamrielf]

I noticed you haven't been as active on social media as you were even a few months ago.. is there any reason? I hope ur okay🖤

aw thank you for checking up on me🥺 honestly i've been struggling on and off with my mental health and trying to find medication that works. i've had it switched a couple times recently and even had a super bad reaction to one that landed me in a mental hospital. (well it was a combination of medication and other stuff.)

i think ive finally found one that works but as most psyche meds do, they've been making me act different. i've grown a bit tired of the kind of content i've been making for a long time now. my interests haven't changed at all. i still have the same interests, i'm just bored of the way i've been presenting them and myself if that makes sense😂

idk if bored is the right word. the "aesthetic"/overall vibe of my social media usually reflects the way i feel. and right now when i log on i see all the things i like but its presented in a way that doesn't feel like myself. its still me but i think in the last couple months i've grown a lot now that i've actually taken steps to learn about my newly diagnosed autism and started getting legitimate help for my bipolar disorder.

what it really comes down to is i just need to organize my brain and my pages on here a lot. i plan on revamping my tumblr and all my other social media to fit how i'm currently feeling. but i just haven't felt like doing it because the smallest tasks like that have reaaally been draining me mentally. it fucking sucks. but its been a lot better since i've had a bit of time to adjust to all the changes i've made for myself.

so i'm thinking i'll probably do a big "update" to all my social media either within the next few days or soonish lol sorry its taken me so long to answer ur anon. like i said, i've been mentally exhausted for a long time now and i just didnt know what the problem was until i was able to start thinking more clearly. having bipolar disorder is so difficult. because its both mania and depression. and it makes it extremely difficult to organize my thoughts when i'm struggling. idk if "regular" ppl deal with that but its always been an issue for me.

my content will most likely still be the same. i just might start adding some new stuff here and there and incorporate a lot of the new styles and aesthetics i've been into as of late. and perhaps diversify my content a bit too, because i have a lot of interests and fascinations with many things that i don't even post about online! 🥰

i hope i was able to give u an answer in the least confusing way possible. i'm terrible at explaining things. especially about myself😂 hence why most of the questions i answer always end up being paragraphs 😭

[lisutarid-a]

[Gakuen K] Munakata Reisi Route Translation

Ten minute break

LIST OF CHAPTERS

[Translation under the cut]

Saya: (Winter vacation is almost here…)

Saya: (Munakata-senpai and I became lovers, but I don't feel much has changed since that time…)

Saya: (Besides, senpai always looks busy…)

Saya: Ah, Munakata-senpai!

Saya: You're not going to the club activities today, right? You're walking in the opposite direction.

Munakata: Yeah, I've got some work to do in the Student Council Office.

Saya: Um, I can help you if you want.

Munakata: No, it's okay. It's something I have to do myself.

Saya: Is that so…I got it.

Munakata: I've been busy handing over my Student Council Office duties. Sorry I haven't been able to spend much time with you.

Saya: N-No! It's all right.

Munakata: I promise I will make this up to you. Now, if you'll excuse me.

Saya: (He's gone…Senpai was really thinking about me. That makes me kinda happy)

Awashima: Have you seen the President?

Saya: Ah, Awashima-sensei. He said he was going to work in the Student Council Office.

Awashima: Thanks.

Saya: (Sensei is also bustling…Maybe it's because Munakata-senpai is not only the President of Student Council Office but also the Head of the Blue club)

Saya: (No wonder he's so busy. I wish there was something I could do to help)

Saya: (As expected, it's getting dark early. Club activities are over, so let's go home…)

Saya: (I know senpai said he's going to work in the Student Council Office, but I wonder if he's still there)

Munakata: Oya, you are still here?

Saya: Eh!! Senpai!?

Munakata: What a coincidence. Are you on your way home now?

Saya: (I got surprised because I was thinking about senpai…)

Saya: (Y-Yeah. The club activities just finished a while ago. Um… Are you still busy?

Munakata: Yeah. I still can't get out of this busyness.

Munakata: …By the way, could you give me some of your time right now?

Saya: Yeah, you want me to help you with the work? I'll do anything!

Munakata: Thank you. Well then, this way.

Saya: Audiovisual room…But this room is usually locked…

Munakata: If you need a key, I have it.

Munakata: Well, could you please take a seat there?

Munakata: It would take only 10 minutes.

Saya: Okay, understood. Um, what can I do to help…?

Munakata: Can you hold my glasses, please?

Saya: Yeah.

Saya: Eh…?

Munakata: I will borrow your shoulder. Please wake me up in 10 minutes.

Munakata: Good night.

Saya: Um, yeah. Good night.

Munakata: …

Saya: (It caught me off guard…I guess senpai must be tired)

Saya: (I must make sure not to wake him up)

Munakata: …

Saya: …

Saya: (This may be the first time I've seen senpai with his glasses off)

Saya: …

Saya: (I'm getting kind of nervous…Come to think about it, this is the first time I've ever seen senpai's face this close up, let alone the glasses)

Saya: (Lately, I've been thinking about senpai all the time…Maybe it's because he's busy and I don't see him as much as I used to)

Saya: (I was trying not to be conscious of it, but I found myself caring about senpai)

Saya: (I wonder what this means)

*10 minutes later...*

Saya: Senpai, 10 minutes have passed.

Munakata: …

Saya: He isn't waking up…

Saya: (I feel bad to wake him up when he's sleeping so comfortably)

Saya: (Maybe we can stay like this for another 5 minutes…)

*5 five serene minutes later...*

Saya: (Five minutes have almost passed…I have to wake him up)

Munakata: Agh…Good morning. It looks like I've fallen asleep.

Saya: Good morning, senpai. Sorry, it's actually been more than 10 minutes…

Munakata: No, that's fine. It's about you. You probably thought it was wrong to wake me up.

Munakata: My head is much clearer now. Now I can get back to work.

Saya: That's great…I'm far from being helpful to senpai. Please feel free to ask me again anytime.

Munakata: Thank you. When everything settles down, let's go out somewhere together?

Saya: Yes, I'm looking forward to it.

[Prev chapter][Next chapter]

[silkmothh]

Servitude journal: Forced orgasm

Our house has been the activity hub again, we've had people coming and going for the last 3 weeks and I've been a good, good girl this whole time 🫡 I haven't had a chance to touch myself or Sir this whole time bc he is so much busier than me and even though I feel bad Sir says I am doing such a good job keeping up and he's sorry he can't use me when I offer myself bc of all the busy-ness

Every day I get more horny, every rejected offering makes me wetter.. I'm looking at tblr porn every second I get. Work breaks, at red lights, in the middle of chores or cooking, on my walks, in the bath, in bed after Sir falls asleep, and the aching keeps me awake.. every rejected offering was just pushing me further and further into degeneracy. I've never been denied like THIS, for so long. Normally, my rejected offerings are met with an alternative. But this past month has just been "no, not now. No, maybe when I'm done. No, maybe when they leave, " I'm not breaking any rules looking at porn, as long as I'm not touching myself. And gosh, have I been looking 😅

But I couldn't take it last night. It was the last night before the house is back to regulars only. I haven't made a single offering in so long, I felt like I was going crazy. I was trying not to hump my hand or my blanket, I really wanted to go to sleep, my cunt was HURTING something fierce, and I was just,,, scrolling away on tblr. Until Sir stirred, and I damn near jumped his bones.

We couldn't fuck, and Sir was so tired. I begged just a little to be played with, I didn't care what he did I just begged him to touch my clit or put something in me or let me do it bc I was on fire. We wrestled around for a minute, I had to earn my chance at an offering.

I ended up tucked up close to Sir, I only got 1 hand and 1 chance to cum. I was to hold my legs open and shut the fuck up until Sir was finished with me.

I think I forgot how good Sir is with my cunt. He knows just the right places to rub, knows the perfect timing to keep me on edge ughh I'm already throbbing remembering.

The first time I get my command I tried really, really hard to cum but Sir started pinching my clit and labia so I didn't get my relief. He held onto my hair to keep me still.

When I got my second command I begged not to. I told Sir I wanted more play time. I wanted his fingers in me, I wanted to be used, I wanted him to break my brain and never let me cum again. I begged "noiwantmoreiwantmoreiwantmore no please take it back i don't want to cum pleasepleasepleadrpleass" and he just kept on. He pulled my hair to bring my head back down onto him. He told me to fix my posture, I had let my legs go and if I squirmed away instead of listening he'd make sure I'd regret it, if he didn't get this, if I didn't go through with my offering after begging him so desperately before-

And it hit me all at once. Waves of euphoria over and over. My eyes started watering. I got so still and squeezed my thighs so hard to keep my legs open "nononononono wait wait" but it was too late. I didn't want to cum but once it started I wanted more, I wanted to cum again. Sir laughed at me and told me how stupid I was. He reminded me that I needed him to decide bc I just can't make up my mind. He teased me about crying to be denied and then crying to be overstimulated.

I couldn't feel anything else but his hand on my cunt, the pressure just right on my clit, the occasional pinch. I could feel myself starting to slip.

But Sir got what he wanted, so we were done. Sir brought me back to reality, I couldn't drop into sub space just yet, but he promised he'd put me back once the house settled.

According to Sir, all I could say before I fell asleep was thank you, and how good it felt, and how I wanted every orgasm forced out of me like that..

I hope that's not true bc Sir seemed pretty into that last one and idk how many forced orgasms I could do 😵‍💫

[plural-affirmations]

I'm really sorry for throwing this all here and you don't have to read or post it, I just need a safe space to scream where my friends/partner systems won't see. Cw for fusion talk, I don't know if that needs a warning

I think I'm starting to fuse with our host and I'm terrified.

I'm just going to call him T for simplicity's sake (he uses they/them pronouns, I'm the only one who can call him.. him. It's a persecutor thing.) but he's been our host since for about two and a half years. I split off about a year and a half ago.

I'm technically a duplicate of him, we're from the same source character, but we're very different. He's all fuckin.. Healed and matured and moved on from his shit, and I haven't. I'm still stuck in who I was and who I am. It's a little easier to live with now, but I feel like I'm the evil alter. I'm like a dark shadow of him, all the horrible parts of himself that he couldn't carry anymore got shaved off and formed into whatever lump of flesh I became.

And I'm fine with that. I can live with that. I don't want to change. I'm surviving just fine as I am and I actually have people around me who don't care that I'm an asshole.

But more and more lately it's felt like T and I are getting muddled. Another headmate said that our souls looked tangled, I don't know how tf he saw that but he's a demon so he just Knows Thing. Someone else explicitly said we're fusing and that I'm going to disappear, but I don't know if I can trust them, because they're a persecutor too and they like to target me.

I've been trying to let go of a lot of exotrauma lately and it's hard. I'm extremely connected to my source and I didn't get a happy ending. My entire existence was based around being manipulated, and that hasn't changed since coming to the system, it's just been new faces doing the same shit. I'm a persecutor that gets targeted by all the other persecutors. I'm pretty much a living punching bag.

But I met a guy in one of our partner systems and I really like him. They've got a bunch of littles that all seem to adore me and I don't know why. One calls me her big brother. There's people who like me. I'm really trying to let myself be ok and to accept that I'm allowed a happy ending this time and that I'm not putting people at risk just by admitting I care about them, but it feels like every step toward that gets me more and more tangled up with T. Me hating myself and him is the only thing that seems to be keeping us solidified on our own.

I'm not against fusion for the whole system, I get it happens sometimes, but I don't want it to happen to me. I don't want to disappear. I finally feel like I'm able to survive my shit enough to function and I have people who would miss me if I was gone.

But honestly I think the scarier idea is that I wouldn't. That I'd be the main one who got to stay. T is in a tangled ass polycule with seven people between our system and two others. And I only really like one of them, I kind of actively hate some of the others. One of the partner system boyfriends C would probably have a full nervous breakdown if he disappeared entirely.

I don't know what to do. Either I stay hateful and cruel and go back to beating up T and pushing everyone away to keep us separated, or we fuse and I either disappear, or destroy everyone else's happiness for the sake of my own. It feels like there's nothing here I can do to win and honestly it's all starting to feel like one cosmic joke. I can't even talk to anyone, because our two closest friends are our partner systems, and I don't want to freak them out.

I'm just so tired. I want to be happy without having it blow up in my face and it feels like that's not possible.

Listen. I used to be scared of fusion of any kind. Terrified. My first fusion was super unintentional, unexpected, and frankly painful for a number of reasons. I avoided the idea of it for so long that even when I realized it would probably happen regardless, I just ignored it. And that made it so, so much worse in the long run.

When it finally came around, it hurt. I felt like I was losing one of my best friends. And I was so caught up with who my predecessors were that I didn't know who I was for almost a full year.

But you know what? It got better. I slowly started picking up on things I liked and disliked, what little differences I experienced. After finding out I loved honey mustard when I used to hate it, it almost became a game to me. "Will I like this food Cameron was fond of? Maybe I'll try makeup like Cara. Maybe I'll create something entirely new for myself." (I did, by the way. Picked up HTML for the hell of it.)

The next time fusion happened, I let it. I felt it coming on for probably about a month or so, and I remembered what happened the last time. So, I sat down and breathed. Didn't panic the same way as before.

And after thinking, it was genuinely nice! I was excited to see how I'd grow this time. What idiosyncrasies I'd pick up. Whether I would still fantasize about Pipeline Punch Monster Energy when I was feeling down.

My gender and orientation went on full-tilt, but even that wasn't as upsetting as the first!

I'm going to tell you something I wish someone would've told me:

Change is going to come whether you enjoy it or not.

Yes, things will be different. Yes, it could very well be emotional and hard at times. But if you're fusing, it's usually for a really good reason, despite if you consciously know what that reason is yet or not. Brains have a pretty good idea of what's best for your system's wellbeing. They're certainly not perfect, but they know damn well how to process complex experiences most singlets wouldn't dream of.

You're not going to disappear, and things aren't going to be nearly as bad as they might seem. I promise you, you'll come out on the other end better. And if shit really does hit the fan? You'll know for next time.

🖤💜💙💚💛

[cinemaglow]

This isn't going to be very coherent I'm sorry. I'm not a Buck-Tick superfan. I very easily *could* be but I've held myself back since I don't really have the time and energy to invest and become voraciously obsessed with a band like when I was younger. I haven't listened to all their albums. I've only watched or read a few translated interviews. Idk why I feel like I have to preface this post like this. I guess it's just weird that this is the most profoundly affected I've been by a musician's death in years, and I don't even have the encyclopedic knowledge that I do for some other musicians to have built a parasocial relationship on. I think it speaks for the depths of the beauty that Sakurai contained, that even while maintaining a respectful distance and just catching a surface level glinpse of his inner life he was so, so compelling. And even though I never learned a lot about his personal life I feel a kinship with him.

There are a few bands that have changed my life, not just in a general sense but in specific, measurable ways. Buck-Tick is one of them. I've had treatment resistant depression for most of my life. In 2020 I was, not as actively suicidal as I have occasionally been, but just so so tired and hopeless. I couldn't imagine a future for myself and I was fully prepared to never get out of bed again until I starved and decomposed. Somebody shared a picture of Sakurai on tumblr. I don't remember who or why or what picture but I thought he was compelling and beautiful and me being always a slut for men with long hair I was like 👀👀👀 and that's what led me to Buck-Tick.

Discovering Buck-Tick in late 2020 convinced me to keep fighting for my life. In fact it was reading the translation of these particular lyrics that literally gave my an epiphany or an internal eucatastrophe, like something fundamentally changed in the workings of my brain and the trajectory of my life made a sharp turn:

Your living heartbeat in this world is ephemeral, but it’s beautiful

The living heartbeat of everything in this world is ephemeral, but even so it shines

Your living heartbeat in this world—there’s nothing sad at all

A person I love can live in this world—there’s nothing sad at all

It's honestly kind of cheesy that something can change your outlook so immediately but I remember distinctly realizing that living depressed and miserable is still being a living person and therefore an expression of the goodness and beauty in the universe. I sobbed. I felt truly glad to be alive for the first time in a long, long time. I posted as much on facebook, so you could actually go back and find the exact date it happened. Anyway. I accepted that even if I never get completely better it's still worth fighting to be a bit better. I started grad school. I've made it alive through a lot of rancid shit associated with grad school. I still feel an underlying current of hope and ?cosmic joy? even when my more immediate mental health takes a nosedive because my fundamental view of the world has changed.

People who are a lot more knowledgeable about Sakurai's personal life than I am are posting about how even though he struggled deeply all his life he always fought to live, to find the beauty inherent in living, and that mindset clearly came through in his words and music, because he transmitted it to me. He was so, so beautiful, his mind, voice, countenance, artistry.....he and the rest of the band gave me a blueprint for aging fabulously when I literally couldn't picture myself being middle aged. I think he did a good job, with everything. I kind of feel the same way now as I did when I found out about a friend's suicide earlier this year. Like, it's all okay for him, on his end. One of my spiritual beliefs is that death is a reward, a well earned rest after engaging in the Sacred Work of living. Even if it's a few decades earlier than expected Sakurai deserves to rest after all he's given and I'm happy for him. It's the rest of us that have lost something. It's like we have one less star in the sky. I kind of had a dream that maybe I could make so stage clothes for him one day but oh well.

I was up for several hours just kind of numb last night after I heard the news so I am going to get something to eat and go back to bed for a bit (being unemployed does come with privileges haha). I'm feeling a lot more at peace now than I was last night. Later on I'm going to take a shower and then paint my nails, which seems like the best thing I can do at the moment to honor him. And I'm going to keep living, and making beautiful gothy clothes, and putting more beauty out into the world and appreciating the beauty that is always there no matter what happens.

[postalninja]

Fic Author Q&A

Tagged by @cicaklah - thanks babe! (sorry if my answers end up vague or unsatisfying, it's past midnight and i would be in bed if there wasn't a music festival currently happening outside my window - I"m not exactly at my best lol)

1. Why do you write fanfic?

It started from the desire to make fictional characters kiss, which is still a large part of why I do it, so let's go with that.

2. Which of your posted stories do you think about the most, even though the story is “finished”?

I don't really know - I tend to think about a lot of my stories pretty often after they're finished, I'm not sure that there is a specific one I fixate on. They all get a bit of time in my brain, and i tend to go and re-read stuff too.

3. If you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

S l o w d o w n. Don't be afraid of big word counts, it'll take as many words as it takes, and rushing toward the finish line will just make the pacing suffer. Make room for the moments in between, let the story breathe.

4. What’s your relationship to fic stats?

Lately I've found that not looking at them in too much detail is better. Over the summer I found myself looking at my stats for validation, and of course, not finding it there. But the problem is in my head, not on the stats page. So they are just numbers that are there, and if I need to check something specific, then that's a useful thing to have.

5. Is there a pairing or scenario or friendship you miss writing? If so, why? If not, why not?

I've really fallen off of writing for Hitman over the past couple of years, with only one short ficlet as a recent offering. It's one of the fandoms were my muse has been fleeting, but the fandom is so wonderful that I miss being a more active participant in it.

6. What motivates you to write?

Lately I have a pretty hard time writing without having clear inspiration, so that's the most surefire motivation is just being struck by an idea that grabs me and won't let go until I get it down on the page. But that sort of inspiration is hard to come by, so I haven't been writing very much in its absence.

7. Why do you write for the fandom(s) that you write for?

In most cases it's because I have a ship I'm obsessed with, and if not that than just general love for the game (it's almost always a game, let's not kid ourselves) and the characters. It's hard for me to write for a fandom unless I'm at least a little bit unhealthily obsessed with it.

8. If you’re stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

Normally I will take a break, and some of those breaks have turned out longer than others... I have a few unfinished wips that are an albatross around my neck, and I'm not sure how to go about finishing them.

9. What do you wish people knew about comments?

They are all an author wants! We want to hear about what you liked and why, and given the chance we would talk your ear off about our fics, so don't ever feel like you're bothering an author by commenting something nice on their fic, we are looking for that engagement and validation.

10. Maybe there’s a question you wish had been on here. What’s that question (and answer)?

What's something you've been excited about/feeling good about recently with your writing? One thing I will mention is that a few days ago I went back and read a bunch of free writing exercises I did for a class last semester that i hadn't looked at since - I had completely forgotten about most of them, but when I read them again the majority of them were so good! It kind of bolstered my confidence that I had that kind of quality output from 10-minute warmups where I wasn't thinking too hard. Like, even though I haven't written much lately, I still know how to write!!

Not tagging anyone specific, just whoever want to do it because I am too tired to think and decide :)

[emotionallyattachednerd]

𓆩 Progress + Life Update 𓆪

Evening beautiful goblins!

Hope everyone is doing well nearing the end of this year, which by the way is completely inase just how quick it's gone by. Seriously, it feels like it was only April last week. 😲

Giving a small update where I am with my requests and writing. Again, I'm sorry for the delay, its taking me much longer to finish requests than I had anticipated. Lately I've been staring at the screen thinking hard over scenarios for each one, before realising I have been staring for like a hour and I haven't writen any of that wicked shit down, like I just thought magic fairies were going to come along to write them all out from my head. 🧚

It all comes to that I'm unmotivaed to write, I'm too tired, or I'm distracted doing other things in my life. There's never enough time for everything sadly. Just have to plot along as the days pass. 👍

On top of all that, I'm currently looking after a orphan joey ( wallaby ) which I use to do years before, than this chance came to me again, and it's been a wild ride with the little girl, very active and never likes being alone, something I'm working on so I can release her when she's old enough. 🦘

Below is where I am with requests. 📝

⬇️ Writing Requests Queue ⬇️

Progeny | TP Soundwave x f!human reader ✔️

Firefly | RotB Bumblebee x f!human reader ✔️

Stress Release | IDW Rodimus x f!robot reader ✔️

Only Human | TP Ratchet x f!human reader ✔️

The Beasts Rabbit | TP Predaking x f!robot reader ✔️

Pet Play | TP Predaking x f!human reader ✔️

Speed of Light | TP Smokescreen x f!human reader ✔️

Hot Delight | IDW Rodimus x m!robot reader ✔️

Seeker Allure Part 2 | Starscream x Skywarp x Nova Storm x f!robot reader ✔️

Eternal Soul | IDW Rodimus x f!human reader ✔️

Darkness Lust | IDW Helex x f!robot reader ✔️

Zesty | TP Bumblebee x f!robot reader ✍️

Yearning | RotB Mirage x f!robot reader ✍️

On Break | IDW Starscream x f!robot reader ✍️

Nutrients | IDW Megatron x f!robot reader ✍️

Sweet Honey | G1 Bumblebee x f!robot reader ✍️

I'm hoping to get them finished before Christmas/New Year. After that I plan to keep requests closed for a short time so I can focus on some of my own wips that have been sitting around for months, and finally update another story on Ao3 which is well over due for that.

That's all for now. Fingers crossed I can do more progress this week. A million times over again, thank you all for oyur beautiful support and kind feedback. I love this community! ❤️

[tired-biscuit]

I hope you’re doing okay after all the flagging has been going on 🤍 You deserve better! You mentioned things in your personal life are rough, so I hope you can still use writing as an outlet or as something enjoyable when you’re ready to again.

Sending good vibes to you biccy 🥺🤍

thank you, i appreciate you for reaching out.

mild trauma dump under the cut, feel free to not click cos the last thing i want is to make people sad.

to be completely honest with you, i haven't been doing okay as of late. i found out that my oldest sister has cancer and ngl it's been hard. coping with the knowledge of her having it alone has been hard. finding out just a while ago that it got worse has been ever harder. i'm scared for her, and for my mom, and my entire family. i feel lost and helpless because i can't do anything other than worry and provide a shoulder to cry on.

i'm just confused. tired.

logging on here and writing silly little drabbles and answering asks and playing ask games and reblogging amazing art and fics and whatnot has helped me not think about it as much. idk who understands when i say that i love to write so much; it's insane how much i love to do it. i put so much effort and time into it that i cherish my stories deeply even if i sometimes don't like them all that much. i put my heart into them even if it's smut, ya know??

so idk, i guess that's the reason as to why i've taken this entire thing to heart so much. i'm sensitive atm enough as it is and it was basically the last straw. it feels like someone is actively trying to chase me away from the platform and it hurts. it makes me feel like i should just stick to writing for myself and not share my stories anymore. it makes me even more tired than i already am.

idk i guess i'm just disappointed that my corner of the web has been tarnished. all i wanted to do was to write and obsessively simp over a measly side character from naruto that almost nobody cares about. the fact that someone repeatedly feels the need to basically shadowban my writings (cos let's be honest, a community label literally stops almost all interaction with your post) has just put me at my lowest cos even this place has become ruined for me now as a result.

whatever, ik it's a silly thing to fuss about but i care about it........ anyways, i'm sorry for putting all of this here, i just had to let it out, but you don't even have to respond cos i know it's heavy and depressing.

thank u again <3

[yulikitten]

Oh boy… Here we go… "Oh look! Another entitled trans streamer bitching about Twitch! What a shocker! Quick! Let's make fun of her in the comments and call her names and slurs!" Yeah, yeah, get your insults out now. Okay… Ya done? Awesome. Okay, so this is the first time I have ever written a full script for something like this, but trust me, this is going to likely contain a lot of rambling and nonsense. And yeah, I'm gonna bitch about something, and it's going to sound like I'm entitled, but I need to vent my frustrations for a little bit and I want the world to hear what I am going through. So… To start out, hi, I'm Yulikitten, and I am a trans streamer. That word, "trans" is likely a red flag for all of you, and yeah, I can predict the "you'll never be a woman," or the "attack helicopter," or the "40 percent jokes" from a mile away. This shit is nothing new to me and I persist despite those jokes. Like, I'm not going to disappear just because you use a lot of anti-trans jokes and rhetoric against me. And yes, I have been called a groomer before. I have heard it all and I've dealt with it all.

So… I'm a streamer who's been struggling for a little while now. For now, I think it could just be Twitch's algorithm being dog shit, or my shockingly ordinary life that has no flavor leading me to being a boring conversationalist. That could be it, or I'm just playing vidya games wrong. It could be a number of factors, but the point is, I have been struggling. A lot. Struggling to gain followers, struggling to gain subs, struggling to hold a conversation, etc, etc. You name it, and I'm probably struggling with it. Am I boring? Yeah, definitely. Absolutely, 100%. I also try to be VERY nice on stream. Like… Very nice. I've delved into the realm of toxicity before, trust me. However it doesn't work. I should know. I tried that shit. No results, and in fact, I've lost followers over being toxic. Therefore I don't do it anymore. Now, with as of this writing 1323 followers, you may be thinking, "wow! You're still doing better than 95% of the platform, and you're acting… ENTITLED?!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU STUPID CU-" and yeah, I agree. I am acting entitled and I know it. But that's not gonna stop me from ranting about my numbers.

I know I'm mediocre. I know I suck. I know I'm terrible. I've been told that my entire life. I act like an asshole because finally SOMETHING SEEMED to be going my way, but as of late, it's been feeling more like things haven't gone my way and it sucks. A good thing was happening to me, and I am suddenly finding myself in a spiraling decline. Now, I'm not here to spill my guts about how I need you all to feel sorry for me. Shit has been difficult my entire life. I'm used to, and am tired of being pitied. I'm tired of being treated like a fucking loser and a failure. So… It's my goal to get… Living comfortably enough from livestreaming and to not have to work a real labor job. I know that's asking for a lot, and it is.

The core of my rant today is to just spill my guts about my low viewership numbers and my lower follower gain. I know every streamer faces this kind of thing. It's not unique to me, and it won't ever be unique to me. I've been noticing this decline since April. I've poured over my data and have deduced that since I stopped playing Guilty Gear Strive, a game that I love but am taking an extended hiatus from due to hypernatremia. In other words, Guilty Gear was pissing me off and I've been avoiding it. Street Fighter 6, as of late, is likely going to end up the same way, if I'm being honest. I think the core of my decline is probably linked to the platform itself and the fact that I do so much better with an active chat. I love talking to my community, but when my community doesn't talk to me… Well, I get tight-lipped and I genuinely can't help it. This isn't a uniquely me issue, either.

I think I just suck at streaming, and I need to get better at it. I need to get better at editing, marketing, etc. I want to do streaming and content creation full-time and I feel like shit for not being able to make it happen after two years. I feel depressed and not worthy of anything, despite my community telling me otherwise, and I know… I know that other content creators are going to call me out for this post. I know they will. Moist Critikal will, and he's going to make fun of me and I don't blame him. I just… I need to get this off my chest that I feel like an absolute loser and a failure and I wish I just didn't feel that way.

I'm not asking you to just drop everyone and go follow me on Twitch. I'm not going to ask that people subscribe. This is just a rant to vent my frustrations and feelings. I need to get this into a tangible form before I fucking explode. Consider this… A publicly available diary entry that everyone can read!

Anyway… Follow me if you want to, I don't blame you if you don't. Link is in the post.

PS. I'm considering streaming on Kick. I don't want to because it has a huge Nazi problem, but I've been looking at Twitch taking L after L, and it's looking very tempting. Well… That's it. See ya

[thaleleah]

awe yeah your mom was vulnerable and stepshit took advantage of that 😭 dw tal, your person will come at the right time 🩷

ikrrr his dick needs to be snipped 😂 man is almost 80 years old, it's nastyyy

my stepmom is a literal child, she actually throws tantrums it's actually so fucking embarrassing. a literal slipper 😂 now i'm worried cause are you gonna hit your 2 year old like that if he acts up or doesn't listen to you? LOL tal ilyyy for not liking my dad either cause he doesn't deserve it! too little too late

omg you write for avatar too? 👀 look at you go girl! what's the avatar fandom like? it seems like it's chill and drama free. the reason i starting watching avatar was because of jack 😂 i'm a huge scream fan so i needed to see what else this man has been in and was so surprised he was in avatar 2, i actually didn't recognize him because of the hair but he still looked so fine! i need to rewatch avatar 1 and 2 because i actually really enjoyed it! and the cgi is amazinggg (much better than marvel) - and yes ghostface is so fucking hot, especially in the new one, i think cause it was more serious and the mask was like decayed. ughh i have a predator/prey kink too it's just so so hot! getting chased and hunted by those two was soooo ughhh! can you tell i only have a thing for villains? the heros barely capture my heart 😂 look and you and both simping for tom and jack; we have amazing taste in men 🩷

i'm so glad you got some writing done and it didn't feel forced, never force yourself, tal 🥰 you got this babe 🩷

🍯🐝

Babes, the way I tried to respond to your ask TWICE with a rant about how my stepdad must want me to hit him with my car because of how he treated my mom this weekend on her birthday weekend, and Tumblr closed out on me both times without saving my long af rant. SOOOOO maybe that's the universe trying to tell me to let that shit go. Which, like, okay. But . . . OOOOO THAT SHIT MADE ME SO MAD. So, anyway - thanks for listening to me tell you about a rant I would have made you read had Tumblr not told me no twice lmaooo

I feel so sorry for the two year old. Hopefully your stepmom will refrain from being a vile evil bitch to him. At least I hope. And yes, nothing your dad does could ever make me like him. Fuck that man lol

I doooooo write for Avatar! Avatar is the only fandom that I've consistently been in for nearly my whole life and I can't ever see it going away. I have such huge respect for James Cameron cause the world that he's created is just so amazing and beautiful and the detail and meaning of it all has me in constant awe. I could literally watch the movies over and over again and never get tired of them. December 2025 can't come soon enough for A3, I'm practically vibratingggggg. The fandom is def not chill and drama free though, especially on the smuttier side. It's actually been super toxic recently which is really disappointing cause I feel like Avatar is one of the fandoms that should be the least problematic but...here we are. My mutuals get tons of anon hate messages daily and sometimes there's even drama between accounts. Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with as much bullshit as they have since I'm a smaller blog, but I have gotten my fair share too. I know it really doesn't matter what fandom you're in, all fandoms have haters and most writers or artists get nasty messages, but it still sucks. All my mutuals are great though and they remind me of why I started being active in the fandom in the first place when things get a little too rough. Some people write some good Spider fics since you're a Jack Champion fan 👀

Love youuuuu 🥰