#sorry i cant articulate my thoughts well

[projectdivaar]

SEASON 4 FINALE.........I felt genuinely ill the whole time like my stomach was twisting I was gonna throw up oh my god what the FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lobpoints]

some boring lc thoughts in dm with friend ig

Click ALT if you can't read the text

[ineffectualdemon]

The levels you get judged as autistic are weird

Because they are based on how well you communicate with neurotypicals (as I understand it, please correct me if I'm wrong) and don't actually cover the autistic persons level of need

Like I got level 1 because I am fairly articulate on a good day and as my husband puts it "you can seem human for roughly the first 15 minutes" (note he is allowed to say this, i find this humor funny and he's also on the spectrum)

I am educated, fairly well spoken, and can fake social niceties if I don't talk or if it's over text. This does not make me better able to take care of myself nor does it make me better than any autistic person who cant do that. I can talk good sometimes. Its just a fact not a judgement on my worth or anyone else's

But it sure is treated that way

I am not able to live independently. I can't handle if I'm asked to change the side of the road from my usual routine much less anything more disruptive. I can't manage my own finances. I have loud meltdowns in public. I visibly stim. Once my timer of being able to human breaks I will invariably say something wildly inappropriate and not understand why it's inappropriate. I can't arrange things for myself because I get flustered and confused. I need support on a daily basis

I cannot take care of myself even if you remove my chronic pain and fatigue.

Sure I could run an errand or go some place by myself before when I was still mobile but there was an over 50% chance of me having a meltdown on the way or once I'm there and needing help

And sure in the past I could go to new places alone ..if my husband took me the day before and walked the route with me and helped me write down very specific instructions and directions and be on the other end of the phone when i break down

Sure was once able to go to new places and events and then immediately get overwhelmed and lose my words and have a meltdown or dissociate in order to cope

And the after affects would mean I'm stressed out and physically ill for days after

Like I'm not saying I need anything like the support of high support needs autistic people

I am able to communicate my thoughts accurately through text most of the time

(not so much out loud. There I vary wildly between considered articulate and screaming with anger because I can't get the words! I know they are there but I can't access them and it makes me angry and no one else understands what's going on or why I'm suddenly angry)

I am aware that is a massive privilege and skill in my possession that allows me to advocate myself in way that is impossible for non verbal members of the communicate

You can advocate for yourself

But not same as me

And that's in my favour and I am sorry

So I try to advocate for you when I can

To have your back

Being non verbal, having intellectual disabilities, any number of factors could mean someone needs more support than me

And I am not saying we are exactly the same

But the fact that I am highly dependent on my husband to survive is just written off as not important because "I speak well"

And that's just a really weird way to weigh it in my opinion

Like yeah I don't seem to them like I should need to be dependent on others to survive but I fucking well am

Idk

The system just seems fucked to me

[box-dwelling]

KLARYAN KRISNIX PARALLELS PLEASEEEEE I HAVE SO SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT IT TOO BUT I CANT ARTICULATE THEM QUITE RIGHT PLEASE ADD YOUR VOICE TO MY INTERNAL BRAINROT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

@vexx-ation you also asked so here we go. (As have a few anons sorry this is long and it's taking a while to write everything down)

So my Klaryan take is kinda a mega theory that takes a lot of mini theories into consideration so here it is. This will be long. This will be unhinged. This is my Pepe silvia

Tw for discussions of substance abuse and abusive relationships

1) AA4 parallel foils

Ok so this is semi common knowledge. Every character in AA4 is ment to be a direct foil to a character in aa1. This is well documented and also applies to a lot of the witnesses too. Apollo is a foil for Phoenix, Ema is a foil for Gumshoe, Trucy is a foil for Maya, Klavier is a foil for Edgeworth. This goes on for almost every charcater in the game.

But here's the thing. The trilogy already has foils already. So some of these charcaters end up being massive parallels to eachother. A non relevent example I think about daily is that Trucy and Franziska are very similar but where this is relevant is Klapollo and Narumitsu. I have a post explaining this I'm more detail but basically while far from identical there are a lot of perhaps unintentional but at minimum unexplored parallels between Phoenix and Klavier and Apollo and Edgeworth. This is important.

2) Krisnix as an allegory for substance abuse

So first of my opinion of this doesn't really influence my take on grape juice but it's pretty undeniable that even if you don't think Beanix has addiction issues, hes almost coded to. There's the comment about Ema and the white powder and then the extent to which he's always surrounded by grape juice which at minimum looks like wine. In universe it's easy to see this as a part of his mask and that is my in universe take, he's trying to look in a bad way to hide how he's actually doing.

But I think we can take this further. Miles and Kristoph are superficially very very similar characters however underneath are deeply different and as such have a very different effect on Phoenix's mental state. Miles is absent during the 7yg at his request. And there's a miles shaped hole left in his life that he wants to fill with something that is superficially the same but is in it's effects very different and very bad for him.

Anyone who has dealt with addiction will likely recognise that pattern.

3) Klavier is on some level (whether he's in denial about it or not) aware that Kristoph is in some way dangerous or abusive and was running from him with the band

This is mostly just my take on how he acts in sucession and another very good post that I'll have to find that talks about how similar him joining the band was to the things the other people involved with the Gramarye trial did to try and evade Kristoph.

4) Phoenixs biggest flaw and how Kristoph tests it

So I basically never shut up about this in some places but might not have talked about it here so the tldr of this is that Phoenixs biggest flaw is that he is constantly trying to see the best in people. The final test of this is not breaking the black psyche locks and accepting that just because he's a human being with complexity, doesn't mean his actions are excused or that Phoenix has to forgive or protect him.

So this is where we can start bringing it together a bit.

Klavier and Phoenix are both very similar characters and both victims of Kristophs abuse. Phoenix has a relationship that exemplifies his harmful behaviour after the trial, it's pretty interesting to explore the same thing happening to Klavier.

Especially when we start to compare Daryan to Kristoph and find that they're superficially very different even if both of them turned out to be murders. Kristoph is reserved, Daryan is brash. Kristoph is classy, Daryan is flashy. Kristoph is well spoken and poetic, Daryan is straightforward. You get the idea.

And isn't that fucking fascinating? That Klavier ran to someone who was the complete opposite of his brother but ended up being just as dangerous? And also is it not really interesting that as Phoenix has to learn to accept Kristoph's humanity doesn't excuse his actions. If we take Klavier running to Daryan in this way to be him refusing to acknowledge the human side of his brother, that but running to the superficial opposite and not recognising what truly did make Kristoph dangerous, he fell into the arms of a murder.

And of course, the person he then falls for, is someone who is Apollo. Who is genuinely a good person but was Kristophs mentor and is very similar to him in a number of superficial ways. He has to stop running from his trauma and confront it head on.

Basically this interpreation means the klaryan/ Klapollo and Narumitsu/Krisnix love triangles function as basically a microcosm for how these two handle their trauma and how they have to over come it and each is a direct mirror of the other.

My take on Daryan

Ok people might have seen me joke that he's straight. Here's the thing. I think he definitely has been sleeping with Klavier. They are in some kind of relationship. Buuuuut, I do not think the feelings he has about the relationship are ever well traditionally romantic or sexual. I think it's driven from his side primarily by envy and rage that Klavier gets the spotlight more than him. He can never upstage Klavier on stage, but he can posses him. He can make him feel like shit as revenge.

My General Klayran timeline

They start whatever their weird thing is during the 7yg.

After 4-1 Klavier spirals a lot and it puts intense strain on their relationship because Daryan does not care about this bitch and does not want to support him

4-2 Klavier meets Apollo, sees him in court and kinda starts to develop a big old crush. He realises that Daryan is making him miserable and breaks it off after the case

4-3 newly broken up and it's taking its toll. Then we'll 4-3 happens and that's the end of them.

[milkbreadtoast]

its been a while since i read the orv webtoon and i still havent started the novel but was randomly thinking about orv(specifically kdj) again this morning... sorry this isnt deep analysis or anything but i just wanted to archive my #thoughts.. sorry seasoned orv fans if i didnt cook (i may have cried typing this tho)

edit: clarifying the wording: it works BC he perceives them as not real, not "makes him perceive"

(^ *of his trauma response... + i forgot the word "identity" while typing this lol that wouldve fit better)

in conclusion yea i need to start the novel but i alr think abt orv a lot... its so good. i don't even know how good it really is... I CANT WAIT TO HAVE THE FULL EXPERIENCE SO I CAN PROPERLY DISSECT KDJ'S BRAIN LMFAO

edit: also the way kdj can't see his own character profile bc the 4th wall also blocks him from being read by others (ANOTHER CLEAR METAPHOR MANIFESTED LITERALLY AAAH HIM PUTTING UP WALLS AND NOT OPENING UP SO OTHERS CANT READ HIM)... him being able to literally read the minds of others w ORV but can't read/understand his own self the same way (and has to gradually find out more abt his abilities and by extension himself on his own)...

edit2: obv this isnt a full analysis bc this was just my quick frenzied rant but... his powers don't just come from emotionally distancing himself... i want to add on that his ORV skill also rewards him by being able to understand and connect with others..? like when he successfully is able to understand/empathize w others points of view his skill grows stronger... but even with that it's complicated because even as he gains understanding of others he still doesnt fully open up to them and distances himself from them... (like how kabru from dunmeshi analyzes others and understands them well but doesnt open up to them himself)... its as if he's analyzing charas in a book... but that doesnt mean his own heart is unaffected... ...is it fitting to say that the ORV and 4th wall skills are 2 contradictory aspects of his chara? ...No, i don't think so... they work together in tandem because he still can observe and analyze others and gain an understanding of them while completely removing himself from the narrative... just like a reader would... which he is. He is literally The Reader... dokja... aldjsldjsk 🫠

....sorry im not articulating it well bc i havent fully developed my analysis myself... i def have to read the novel and refresh and let the thoughts cook😵‍💫 i havent read the webtoon in over half a yr (+ the earlier parts yrs ago since i was following the weekly updates..)

[swordsmans]

hello, sorry to bother! I'm not sure how to start this, but I just wanted to say that I have thought abt Freight for /years/. I happened to stumble on my subscription to it from literally 10 years ago and figured I'd check your profile to see if you're still writing! and I was so pleasantly surprised to find you still kickin' and creating :') I remember finding Freight when it was still on chapter 2 and how closely I followed your updates. it was the first fic I can remember ever becoming invested in- like... I used to sit in bed at night and think about your au and all the parts in it! those versions of the characters- /your/ versions- were so near and dear to my heart as a young teen, and even 10 years later, I still think about your fic all the time.

I guess I just wanted to take the time to say that you have made a lasting impression on someone. the stuff you create matters. YOU matter. this story will forever be a part of me, I'm sure of it, and I am so grateful to have those fond memories of your story!! I still think about it all the time, and before tonight, I've always wondered if you continued writing and sharing your talent with the world. I'm genuinely relieved to see that you're still in this world, my friend :] and that you never stopped creating.

I wish nothing but the best for you- All the good fortune, happiness, and peace to you <3

hi hey hello howdy :3

first of all, you're not a bother. if you're not sure how to start, then i'm sure as hell not sure how to respond! full disclosure, I've been sitting on this ask for almost five months now, and--well, when i read it, i cried. and every time ive sat down to respond after, ive also cried. i am (in fact) a bit weepy right now, but im going to lean into it. ironic detachment humor is OUT and genuine emotional engagement with the things that move us is IN and i printed this out and im going to put it on my wall

this is a gift. you are a gift. thank you so much for reading my work, and thank you so much for stopping by to share your love with me. freight is twelve years old now and thats insane to think about. i wrote before but it's the story that made me a writer and it will always be something im so proud of (and owe so much to) even if it will never be finished in its current state.

i think all writers, authors, creatives, whoever create to communicate something through their work--it's different for everyone, but no one makes purposeless art. every story is unique, but I've always written for the same reason: because life is big and hard and empty, and i am terrified of being alone. maybe it's self-aggrandizing but to know that you can still, like, hear my voice a decade later--that i wasn't a teenager yelling into the void because i was scared, that someone was there to listen--and that they're not alone still, that part of me, because youre still listening to that voice, to me, because even if im older i'll always be an accumulation of everything ive always been. i cant articulate it. or--i could, but then this reply would be a thousand paragraphs long. so just. like. thank you.

thank you for reading my stuff, and for loving it, and for reaching out after so many years just to say hello. im sixteen and crying, and im twenty-eight and crying, and yeah it was fanfic but it was art, and it was real, and it had a purpose, we're both still here to remember it, and that's everything.

[dateamonster]

hey, sorry if you’ve answered this before, but I am really struggling to find horror analysis yt channels that aren’t just “this is what happens in the movie and btw it’s about [generic one-word theme that is never elaborated on]”. Do you have any that you particularly like?

oh hmm well i like scaredy cats. they talk about a lot of movies i havent seen and probably wouldnt seek out on my own which i consider a plus. altho right now theyre doing a series of episode recaps for a canadian vampire police procedural so maybe not the best time to jump in if youre hoping for like newer stuff. good time to get familiar with their older videos tho i guess! or a good time to watch them talk about canadian vampire cops if youre into that!

i also am a rly big fan of nyx fears for particular more extreme horror stuff but i believe shes focusing on her music and writing rn. so again good time to catch up on her older stuff!

other than that jacob geller is excellent and has a lot of horror videogame analyses but i feel like everyone knows that. ragnarrox is also great for especially older and more overlooked horror games. night mind specifically talks about arg and horror unfiction projects but if thats something ur interested in at all you cant get much better than his videos imo.

and recently ive started watching acolytes of horror! i havent seen a lot of his stuff yet but i thought his video about so-called political horror that fears taking any actual political stance was really good and well articulated and helped me pinpoint why a lot of movies of that sort of subgenre really miss the mark for me.

hope this is helpful! followers feel free to add on if youve got any relevant recs you wanna share!

[fallenclan]

**FC IM GOING TO LOSE MY FUCKING MARBLES.** GOD... GOD!!!! CYCLES!!!

LEOPARD ANON HOLY FUCKING SHIT. TAKING THIS IN MY JAWS. SPECULATION INCOMING - TAKING A BIT TO TYPE. HAVE YET TO VOTE. SPINNING IT IN MY HEAD A BIT.

Notably, interestingly, maybe - Otterslip is the son of a former leader and a respected deputy, the former apprentice of the current deputy, and by all accounts a good mentor. I feel like he'd be seen as a fairly respected warrior. If this *did* come to light? I think it would shake up the clan very, very badly. Expose a rot growing in the core of their clan - not only that, but in the heart of a well-respected, and more importantly, well-beloved warrior. I could go on a whole tangent here about how evil is not something black and white and how people are flawed and how it is SO delightfully interesting to have someone like Otter who we've known and loved so long do something like this. Because this *doesn't* cancel out the rest of that, he's still that cat who's adored, who's suffered hardship and helped others weather it, who comforted his apprentice when she felt unworthy.

And he still killed someone - a *medicine cat,* of his own clan - because he felt he had a right to, and he felt it was deserved. And because his mother did the same, moons and moons ago. He lashed out in pain and fury and a refusal to face the truth, and did something horrible and irreversible for it.

Hm. Still typing what I actually meant to send. But I can hand you this speculation, at least, without the research.

- What do you think Scorchstar felt, looking down at this? Regret? Not even for her actions, necessarily, I doubt things between her and Sunwish will ever be truly okay in the stars, but for the *precedent* they set? For what her son, who's grown so well in her absence, but never abandoned his soft-hearted, unerring belief in his mother, took from it? She's clearer of mind, up here. Does she dread the results of his actions?

- Do you think clouds covered the sky, overlooking them on that cliff-face? A storm that may have been brewing in the distance all day, coming to fruit above them in deadly silence? Do you think Otterslip cared about the eyes upon him - about Silverpelt's doubtless disapproval? Or did he wait to act in the sun's scornful gaze, instead?

- Do you think it rained, on his walk back? Sorry I've just got the image of like. A three day storm, or something, just enough to haunt him. Starclan's wrath or a mournful goodbye or the insistence of a truth that refuses to go unheard. All three, maybe, depending on who you ask... I wonder if it would wash away the blood, or not.

- How Sunwish felt, looking down...

- .

- I think it's a feeling she remembers all too well.

SORRY. Normal. & DO NOT EXPECT YOU TO HAVE ANSWERS TO ALL OF THESE (head in hands embarrassed) HAHA KNOW IT IS BUT LITTLE PIXEL GAME... BUT TH!! MAN. GOD. CIRCLES...

(fun fact. Every medicine cat since Sunwish, sans Eaglestripe, has been at some point righteous.) (- 🐈‍⬛)

LITERALLY ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like. i absolutely adore the moral grayness of it all. and the fucking Parallels..... cant articulate my thoughts all that well rn but like. i am Thinking about the stuff with Otterslip being a cat that We Watched Grow Up!!!!!! we saw him as a little baby cat and we saw him become an apprentice and then a warrior and we saw him love and lose and grow and. he fuckin whips around and murders??? and . idk i'm Thinking. i had to look back to all the old art of him and it's like. this is a murderer. he murdered someone.

[redcherrykook]

( inevitable transition ) is a very incredibly and beautifully written fic. i know it was written more like a 'drabble' but i adored it so so much. i understood your feelings of being 'anxious' or feeling overwhelmed by writing it because i know how hard it is to think of someone you always write so lovingly about- as a cheater. writing angst in general as a sensitive person is already hard enough. so enough about me and im here to give you the feedback you deserve about this fic.

the way you described how oc and jungkooks love was and why it effects her so much and how she immediately knew when jungkook was changing was wonderful. you articulated the sequence so perfectly and i felt like my heart was squeezing when you wrote

"It had become routine after all, to behave like lovers." i knew it was coming when you said , " Until the lights started to give out as well, the apartment he came back to had turned dim. A house, simply that. Jungkook no longer felt home."

i completely broke. this isnt to vent to you in anyway, but to express to you how you wonderfully executed it. you made the reader feel the emotions and go through what the oc did in a way. to feel the change between the lovers. "jungkook no longer felt home" was my breaking point and i know for so many others because it does make a lot of us think " this isnt about him" but remembering that this is how it is. sometimes love doesn't last within a person and itll always hurt so much. so deeply and will always leave that scar. finishing the fic got me into a little thinking space where i wondered, ' where did it go wrong'. and in that moment i realized that i just read a masterpiece. a piece of literature that maybe a lot would say ' its literally a fan fiction' but its not even about the jungkook part of it. its the way you made me feel it.

when the only one you thought would be there to give you comfort- was the one who no longer provided the warmth in their kisses.

ive always thought of heartbreak in a way where id let anyone do anything to me, and just sit down in a corner where no body can see and cry it all out. and i still felt that even when you barely put a dialogue, thats when i know this writer really put it her all into this. maybe it seems like im over exaggerating, but practicing to express my feelings to an author who deserves good feedback- i wanted to let you know how well you write, and its not just this one. but ofcourse of all where you need to describe the feeling of not just oc, but you managed to narrate from a 3rd person and still having readers relate and feel to oc. i appreciate your work so much. love <3

oh. My. God. I'm bawling my eyes out. Im actually crying. Im so overwhealmed with happiness and grattitude right now. I cant believe you took so much time to tell me this, to appreciate this and give me such a thoughtful inside of your feelings. Im so thankful, seriously. Knowing i touched your heart means the world to me. Knowing the feelings i felt- the emotions i wanted to portray- they all transmitted, its healing. Its making me feel so many things and i dont even know what to say. Im sorry you relate to the anxiety and the hurt of losing something that used to be your place of love, of comfort. Life can be cruel, but you're build to live it. I love you so incredibly much stranger. This is framed in my heart for eternity, i will think of your words every day. Please never hesistate to contact me- to share your feelings or something, I LOVE HEARING YOUR THOUGHTS!! having my writing appreciated like this feels like im ascending, like my purpose to create is being validated. I wanna give you the biggest hug you sweet soul🖤

[bvckbiter]

a couple of people were wondering about the pjotwt fiasco i referenced in my filipino!percy post so for those curious im gonna provide the best breakdown i can of that entire convoluted mess

ever since the live action casting, show fans have been saying repetitively that blonde haired blue eyed percy “just makes so much more sense” because blonde hair is like the sand and blue eyes is like the sea

I see a millionth iteration of that tweet and quote-retweet it making fun of how this fandom can’t come up with any actual hot takes of substance

op gets in my mentions all angry asking why the “discourse” makes me so triggered. I reply basically saying “im not triggered? and what discourse, we’re talking about the hair color of a fictional character”

op suddenly moves goalposts and talks about how leah and aryan faced racist backlash for their casting even though we were originally talking about percy's casting. I point that out and how theyre not even remotely similar cases, but she just goes “well it’s your fault you thought we were only talking about walker, and people like you who are disagreeing with my tweet are shitting on walker’s appearance which is harmful! So i will call you out! 🤓👆🏻”

I then proceed to be very baffled about how walker is getting harmed from any of this at all and try to end the convo since i realize that she’s not even arguing with anything I’m actually saying. But op continues being angry in my mentions going “how can you say that telling a 15 yo actor is a horrible casting and that he cant embody percy is not harmful!” and im like “huh???? Why did this come up i never said this you’ve lost the plot” and she says “i never said you said that YOU’VE lost the plot im sorry you’re stupid” ⁉️⁉️⁉️

the thread more or less ends there but op apparently firestormed a lot of people she caught disagreeing in her mentions so i wasnt the only battle she was fighting lol. Other people are talking about how while they enjoy walker’s performance, theyve only ever seen him as a character of color so… obviously blonde blue eyed percy really isnt the first thing they envision. Somewhere along the line, someone reposts THAT iconic fanart of latino!percy (from… well… user latinopercy) with the caption #MYpercyjackson

People jump on it in the comments and qrts saying “JUMPSCARE” who is that?!” “Idk who that man is” “this is your percy??? Be so for real…” One comment even said that he was ugly. Another comment said that he didn’t embody percy’s vibes because he was “too angry.”

I qrt talking about how scummy it is that people are attacking a fan depiction of latino!percy THAT WAS MADE WAY BEFORE THE SHOW WAS EVER ANNOUNCED just so they can make it known that theyre defending walker’s casting. I also point out that the fanart is a repost, so it’s really unfair for the artist that their art is being bandied around like that then receiving all that vitriol

Another motherfucker comes into my mentions saying “i need you to realize that a real life child is worth defending more than a headcanon.” I reply asking to clarify how walker is supposed to be getting harmed by any of this and why defending him should entail shitting on people who prefer dark-haired percy hcs. I also point out that if the actor is a real life person, so are the people who hold those hcs as well as the artist whose fanart was getting dragged into this.

Mf says that people are attacking walker over a drawing/hc, which aren’t real. I try to articulate that the imagined harm walker is facing is not in any way a tangible, material threat. He’s the most popular among the main trio and his acting has never been fully discredited just because of his hair color (unlike leah and aryan who people said only got casted for DEI and woke agendas, yk how the grifters go). “People hoping he’d dye his hair and wear contacts is not tantamount to harm and hate,” I said, and neither is having dark-haired percy and/or percy of color hcs.

I thought I explained it well but mf just repeats like a broken record that thinking like that is thinking that fake headcanons are more important than real life kids. No matter what I say in response. SEVERAL TIMES, AD NAUSEUM. “Headcanons aren’t real, the kids are.”

The final statement that really pissed me off was them saying this

That’s where the brouhaha ends lol. Since then I’ve also seen tweets making fun of people who genuinely prefer/want a percy of color over a blonde percy because they say and I quote, “percy has been white ever since the books.” Like, YES WE KNOW 😭 But there is a deeply held lore for percy’s ethnic ambiguity in the fandom that was there long before the show was ever in development.

I have no problem with people who prefer the show or blonde Percy or walker or whatever. But to for some reason crusade FOR it on the pretense of protecting the actor from some imagined harm is just fucking ridiculous to me. Just to backtrack, this all came about simply because I made fun of how repetitive the “blonde percy supremacy” take was. And that was construed as shitting on walker. That guy is not seeing any of our tweets if his parents and agents know half a thing about media training??? No one cares! It’s a fucking hair color! Besides, as much as they want to pretend otherwise, the books and the show are invariably separate canons. Not that they can handle an analysis more complex than “yay perca/beth crumbs in the show so show good” lmao

Needless to say, show stans piss me off lol and this is one of the reasons why. A lot of them are show stans primarily because theyre so (parasocially) attached to the actors. It doesnt just show in the crusading, it also shows in how they keep lock and step with every single movement of the actors’ activities on social media. But that’s another discussion entirely deserving of its own post lol.

[shootingstarrfish]

Omg hiii I looove oversharing about my blorbos 😋

Anyway Simeon is my favorite guy ever and has been since the beginning I'm completely obsessed with him bc he's literally perfect tell my WHY on gods green earth he's always getting swept under the rug. Why does this man never get any attention and when he does why is he mischaracterized. He's got it all. He's tall and handsome in kind of an ethereal effeminate way, he's sweet and kind but not a pushover, he's one of the most tragic characters in the game, he's the perfect muse for a religious trauma arc, a corruption arc, a "the calm collected one who's always having a good time finally snaps and goes apeshit" arc, I mean come on. Come on. Every time I remember that his main sin is wrath despite him being SO chill and gentle on the outside I want to giggle a little bit. My beautiful princess with identity issues and slutty waist I'm so sorry everyone ignores you

Solomon though. I don't remember how I felt about him at first (other than lots of gender envy) but he wasn't a favorite until I came back to the fandom after being absent for ages. Like damn this man is everything. He's so complicated /pos that I cant even articulate why I love him so much but he's so well written (maybe one of the only ones who are written halfway decently) and SO tragic. The way he's so desperately in love with the mc and is forced to watch them go for literally anyone else but would still do anything for them and ask for nothing but a little bit of loyalty in return is scrumptious. Also the way immortality just kinda fucks you up after a while when you're only human. I've been very tempted to put him in a poly ship with my mc and Simeon bc he deserves it but for now he just has to watch from afar as the man he loves endlessly makes out with his best friend that he also kinda sorta has a little crush on bc making the gays suffer brings me copious amounts of joy. He's also the "always totally calm and collected no matter what but actually has really strong feelings that he works to keep in check" type like Simeon and I love that for him. One of the fics I'm reading has him once become so panicked over the MC's wellbeing that he completely loses his composure. Yelling, trembling, the whole nine yards and it was fucking glorious, I love seeing characters like him break.

Also I have to talk a little about Lucifer. He's not generally a favorite but I just think it's funny how I went from hating his guts bc I thought he was an asshole to to liking him a lot bc I have a weak spot for big brother characters. He loves his family so so so much and just has trouble showing it properly!! He's still an asshole and an uptight prick but I like that about him now. My mc had the same development with him as I did, he went from "I hate this motherfucker I wanna kill him also he kinda scares me" to "this is my big brother we are holding hands :)" in the span of like a year and a half and it's really funny. Lucifer thought he was finally getting a sensible housemate and friend but ended up getting another insufferable, headache indicung little brother figure instead. Also I kinda have a non canon ship between him and my MC's father bc the idea is SO funny but also a little cute bc they compliment each other real well. My mc would become homophobic so fast if he found out and thinking about it is incredibly entertaining

thank u for oversharing teehee <333

the side characters are sooo fun and interesting i wish so badly that theyd get to be ever so slightly less on the side :,D

the dynamic between your mc and simeon and solomon PAIN UGH i love it.. <333 my heart hurts for solo but the yearning.... MMM

and absolutely felt about lucifer, i wish i could hate him and leave it at that but he makes it so hard. i have such a complicated relationship with this man but i cant bring myself to genuinely hate him hahaha

[itsclydebitches]

i thank u once again for the food , your arguments make a lot of sense ! 🙏🙏 now im going crazier about this man and whatever the fuck he might got going on in his head, i swear he's such an interesting and/but, mysterious character , im not sure if i like that or not 😂 definitely frustrating tho bcz there's so many ways to interpret his actions and we cannot be 100% sure of anything until season 3 comes out aauuuugghhhh

and that part where u mention him shaking off gi-hun's hold , yeah, i was obliviously taking it as him just acting, as to seem like a "normal frustrated player who's scared they're gonna lose", but yeah idk lol ur explanation clicks way more with me now, bcz i dont think they would write in-ho in such a superficial way, specially bcz even tho he knew he wasn't going to get shot , he had the pressure of keeping up the ruse, as you said , so his reactions still makes a lot of sense !! ..thank u again for this insight its definitely pleasing my in-ho brainrot worms going around in my head lol

i have a question (u can ignore tho no pressure), bcz I've been thinking a lot of what might happen in S3, and specifically about what might happen to in-ho and if he's gonna end up alive or not, what do you think ? bcz i cant make up my mind on this , there's something in me that says that this show is definitely going into dat direction , i dont know exactly how to articulate the reasons why tho, i mostly feel like it's gonna be like his "punishment" ??? or like.. idk i just feel like they're gonna kill him off bcz of everything he's done , like "there's no other remedy".. maybe karma ? i dont know lol i suck at explaining myself (and specially in english 🫠) im so sorry but i hope it's at least half understandable what im trying to say lol and im not the best at interpretation and media analysis so that's why there's this other part of me that's not so convinced of this thought (and also prolly bcz i rlly dont want him to die lol).. so ! im curious bout ur thoughts !! ..once again 🤭

(As someone who is embarrassingly monolingual you are doing a GREAT job expressing yourself in English, my friend!)

Boy oh boy do I know the craziness that comes from being fascinated by a morally messed up blorbo lol. You’re in good company. I honestly love that In-ho’s actions are so ambiguous not just because it makes for great conversation between seasons, but because humans (and well-written characters) are complex and contradictory. Is he making these choices because he’s trying to maintain the ruse? Because he’s legitimately having flashbacks? Because he enjoys fucking with Gi-hun by pretending to be another (current) victim? It may be all three! I think we’ve gotten semi clear-cut moments throughout the season to support each motivation—In-ho protects the ruse by coming up with a decent excuse for why he knows Gi-hun’s name, he seems to display genuine emotion when they win, and he absolutely fucks with him at other times like his “Whoever picked umbrella must have bit the dust!” line—so they’re all viable and people, generally speaking, are capable of maintaining multiple motivations/emotions at once.

Oof, I’ve been thinking about Season Three too though. For me, it really comes down to what message the show wants to end on. So far we’ve seen both the hopelessness with which the games continue to perpetuate, as well as Gi-hun’s drive to enact change. On the one hand, I think it would be a more “realistic” ending for Gi-hun to fail in his goal of stopping the Games (as they're really a metaphor for a very complex social issue and societal change does not occur through a single individual, nor does it happen this quickly). Yet on the other hand I want the hopeful ending that shows how Gi-hun has made a difference, even if that’s just a small piece—the beginnings of a new momentum—of a much larger, society-wide problem. Sorry for the rambling, but all of the above dictates for me what would happen to In-ho. If Gi-hun fails then the Squid Games will perpetuate, likely with him still at the helm. However, if Gi-hun succeeds (in his own, small way) I think it would serve the narrative best for In-ho to be set free as well. Not necessarily redeemed in the eyes of Gi-hun (especially after murdering his best friend), but nevertheless allowed to start anew like he was initially promised by the same system. For me, the fact that he was a former player makes a pretty big difference. As said, it doesn’t excuse his actions, but it does provide a window into another way that victims of the games are manipulated and encouraged to take on the warped thinking that perpetuates them: maybe this is “better;” maybe this is a “mercy.” I believe In-ho deserves to get out of that spiral as much as the current players do (and yes, part of that is due to his humanization this season), but killing him wouldn’t achieve that. It would just send the message that being the “wrong” kind of victim is a death sentence. Part of dismantling the Games is undoing the propaganda In-ho has been fed and, potentially, allowing him to go back to his brother, like he should have done all those years ago.

I'm excited regardless though :D

[luckybitch1]

i have to talk myself out of indulging in a melodramatic spiral. i dont even have the vocabulary to articulate what exactly i feel, just this nebulous childish negation like an internal tantrum. honestly just feels like i feel sick like my body hurts like my organs or something are just about to twist themselves and bloat into a hernia. and then the same old thoughts, but not intelligent at all, just neurotic, repetitive. not how i feel, a neurotic revolt against how i feel but cant resolve? and its so easy to either bury it or spiral but so hard to feel and move on. really what moving on is there? not in a self pitying way but in the sense that you cant ignore the reality of your life as it is. you can endure it, you can process it, you can attempt to change and move forward but all this is a matter of time. time, time, time and the energy, resolve, and wisdom to act. isnt that just the trick? im tired and it makes me stupid. for a looonng time my only resolve has been to run away because of that. what ive learned strengthens me but im fighting being surrounded by i cant just hedge around it by unhappiness. i dont know how two people can be so committed to unhappiness and so painfully in conflict with me, with who i am, and i have to every day rebel against that so i wont succumb to living a lonely inhibited life. now that rebellion is complicated because im somehow compassionate, sentimental, and i want to bond with my parents. is that what i want? i seriously dont know what it is, i guess what i feel towards them is guilt and pity. and disappointment. i dont want them to feel sorry. its hilarious but i actually dont, i want to be totally above that. its so hard because i dont want to admit that its exhausting, and i feel so worn out into nothing and drained. i feel disgusting. i dont know why. like i truly feel so wrong like my spirit is dying inside me and i cant make it right. and they want to capture my spirit like plucking a wild animal out of the woods they dont know how to nurture. and theyre neglecting it and overfeeding it and its sick. it wants to go home so bad but theres these sad lonely children making it so weak its forgetting how to be an animal. and its become sad and lonely too

i dont do well on holidays

[fairycosmos]

i was also just thinking of my dead dad and crying a bit when i opened tumblr and saw your post. sending u love & understanding for the shittiest feeling in the world

so so sorry you're going through it as well. it's literally the hardest thing to deal with ever and it never really ends, grief is just everywhere all the time even when it's not hitting in one of its big waves. i just miss her so much i cant even articulate it. life has felt deeply disorienting ever since she left. i will keep you and your dad in my thoughts tonight. sending so so much love back your way. X

[denzartriste]

Still not over the capture (yes im talking about animorphs again shhh). Still not over it I was genuinly worried, clutching my pearls panicking. Re-skimming it now and. Holy hell man.

Sorry my greaving emotions were quickly cut by the alpha male stuff with the wolves. Im sorry im so sorry i cant take it seriously. Jake thats not an alpha big tough strong man wolf that is a mom or dad. Jake you have never been an alpha wolf you were the equivelent of someone with a fanny pack of treats for the children around you.

It's not that i feel bad for the yeerk in jake's brain (i forgot its name and i doubt it had one that wasnt just a title) but like. There's a point where desperation becomes pitiful, eh? There's a point where, this creature is dying, and im releaved but also. It's not dying in a good way. And it's very alone. Im sure the yeerk aliens don't have like, the same concept of community as humans do, but the yeerk WANTS to be saved. Wants to be accepted. And even in its fantisise it isnt. Even if its saved, it wont end well.

The talking under the light of moonlight about its home. Jake lets it talk in a way that isnt anything close to sympathy but it is the closest possible thing to kindness he could ever give right now.

Im not articulating my thoughts very good, but im on book 8 right now and hoping to start reading it tonight hopefully! :D

[ciaran]

i'm the anon who sent the befriending ask.... i am very very curious about more of your thoughts on the complexities of csa. i was thinking about this the other day because i was reading far from the tree and

[The perpetrators in the Horace Mann scandal] were wounded, confused people trying to figure out how to function in a world that taught them their homosexual desire was sick […] someone whose core being is deemed a sickness may struggle to parse the distinction between that and a greater crime

i'm not sure i agree with the line of reasoning in this paragraph (i think often perpetrators are not "confused" so much as "desperate") but i do think incidences of csa, especially as relating to homosexuality, do often occur due to the way society has treated gayness (in a way that makes it "safer" to experiment across a large power differential)

hello!

discussion of csa and homosexuality and criminalization

one of the things i was thinking of as i wrote that post that i didnt include because this thought process isnt fully...processed...is that many of these crimes are contingent on certain ideas we have now about crime and the effects of actions. a lot of the causality we take for granted now did, at some point in the past, have to be learned... an understanding of it did not come intuitively to the people causing or experiencing it. i find the language of "excuses" sort of unhelpful and limiting, so i don't want to put too fine a point on whether something is Wrong even if the person doesn't Know They're Doing Wrong or have An Intent To Hurt. these things are fuzzy and not the topic of conversation to me... what matters is that like, articulations of why something wrong change from period to period as knowledge grows. so like, now we would say that child abuse is bad because you're causing indelible harm to an immature psyche at a stage when this harm will form the basis of their interactions with the world. but at a certain point in the past the explanation was more along the lines of "you shouldn't have sex with a teenager because sex before marriage is wrong and bad and you cant get married to a teenager" [well, you could also do that, and many people did].

so with that out of the way, i also have to wonder how much of a role... homosociality and the kinds of relations it favored and enabled played a part in the tendency towards relationships with a wide age gap. there's the reason in the quote you mentioned and which i went over in my post, that an ethical-but-illegal act gets conflated with an unethical-and-illegal one due to their shared illegality. that's one thing. but also i wonder if it was...accepted practice in some fashion to clock younger gay men, effeminate teenagers and noticeably limp-wristed dandies, and fold them into a circle of homosexual activity (i make it sound very depraved nkdjfskf) via seduction or whatever. like there's a difference to me between making out with someone much younger than you because otherwise they might try to kiss their classmate and get hatecrimed and...grooming with the intent to isolate and abuse. i'm not saying it was always innocent or that there weren't predatory gay men but there's a noticeable discrepancy between isolating abuse and drawing someone into a circle of relative safety and normalcy from a young age.

i don't know much about this topic and i am basically just applying my reasoning and imagination to it. which is also what i did in my original post so im pleasantly surprised to find corroboration, and it's a very interesting quote for sure - i agree that it's desperation in general, and the confusion is more likely to arise from (for example) having had similar experiences in their own past and reproducing them due to a lack of framework.

thank you for the ask! im sorry if it stops making sense at any point im very sleepy and we just watched perfect blue so my brain is pretty fried. if you dont want me to have answered this ask publicly let me know and ill make it private!