#sorry for the random song i just feel like it helps understand whatever the fuck is going on with these two

[kiwiorcore]

oh my god i was reading through your tags and now i'm insanely curious about kiwi/wojciech?? so wojciech is jealous of kiwi/lewa? please explain this premise to me ty 🫶🏽🫶🏽 i hope you're doing well tomi!! 💗 mocks are ending me but your ideas make it better lmao

i've been waiting for ages to someone to ask me about these two omg (also, sorry this took so long i had to sort out the pinterest board so lmk if it doesnt work T_T)

here's a visual aid if you want it (along with other ships i've made boards of). they might not make sense now but trust they will soon.

(they lowkey remind me of new magic wand by tyler the creator??? like that's the energy wojciech has idk how to explain it honestly)

to me, kiwi/wojciech feels very impulsive and passionate iygm. like, it's kind of bittersweet and messy in my mind.

in relation to lewa, i think wojciech is unbelievably jealous (he's also jealous of arkadiusz but to a lesser extent) because kiwi adores them and wojciech desperately wishes that was him. like he wants kiwi to love him with the way kiwi loves lewa or arkadiusz and he's not sure what to do about it.

it irritates him so badly when kiwi even mentions the other two when they talk. it almost feels like kiwi is teasing him like 'look at this thing that you want so badly and you can't get'

it also makes him violently angry when kiwi complains about lewa doing something stupid or lewa ignoring him or something. he just wants to grab kiwi by the face and kiss him and tell him how wonderful and lovely he is and how lewa doesn't deserve him.

they probably have this weird, not quite flirting thing going. things that could be reasonably dismissed as just being friendly and not actually flirting (even though they are)

there has to be some crazy sexual tension between them because neither of them want to admit that they want to fuck and matty must be so sick of them. he must be like 'will you guys just fuck so i can live in peace?'.

i honestly don't even know what they are. i want them to be a happy little couple but i can only see them as a horrible little situationship that never moves forwards and always ends with someone getting hurt.

[juliasturnz]

“You don’t have to hold me anymore”

Chris sturniolo x fem!reader

🜸 - I love this song so much, it actually pains my heart sometimes😭

★ - summary:

You and chris are having a big fight and something he said fully broke your heart.

༆ warnings:

Cussing, slight push, mad!chris, crying, use of y/n, I think that’s all!

✫彡 - writers note:

Yes I’m gonna apologize again😁, sorry for being so inactive. I didn’t have any ideas at all😔😔

“COULDNT REALLY LOVE YOU ANYMORE”

‘what the fuck Chris? Why are you making such a big problem about this?’ You can’t help but keep questioning what’s happening between you and Chris, Chris is just standing in front of you with a blank stare. Maybe even a death stare you can’t really figure that out, your head has been spinning. Nothing seems real, ‘hello fucking dumbass are you here?’ Chris snaps in your face with his long and somehow loud fingers. Fuck you have been zoning out, he isn’t even giving you a death stare.

“I DONT THINK I LOVE YOU ANYMORE”

‘God you are so stupid.’ ‘What the fuck do you want from me Chris, I don’t understand.’ ‘I don’t think I love you anymore.’ Chris seems like he has calmed down, like he needed to get this of his chest, meanwhile you’re just standing in front of him with a teardrop slowly falling down your cheek. ‘get out of my face please.’ Chris surprisingly has tears in his eyes and you could barely hear his voice, you were both hurt. ‘I was going to sleep anyway.’ you almost say whispering, another teardrop falling down from your cheek while slowly walking to Nick’s room.

“YOU DONT HAVE TO HOLD ME ANYMORE”

You walk up the stairs where you surprisingly find Matt and Nick standing there. Your hair is messed up and so is your makeup, you feel embarrassed while also wondering if they heard everything. Matt and Nick have the exact same worried look with furrowed eyebrows. You can’t help but start sobbing, ‘oh come here.’ Nick opens his arms to hug. You slowly walk up to Nick and he gives you the warm and comforting hug you needed, Matt also joined you and Nick, and softly pats your messy hair.

“YOU DONT OPEN YOUR EYES FOR A WHILE, YOU JUST BREATHE THAT MOMENT DOWN.”

Nick takes you to his room while Matt walks down to get a bottle of water.

Matts pov:

Matt quickly walks down the stairs to get a glass of water, he sees Chris sitting down in the corner of his eye with tears in his eyes while scrolling through something. Matt knows exactly what Chris is doing.

When Matt has y/n’s glass filled with water he places the glass down on the dinner table. Walk over to chris and leans against the couch. ‘Bro what did you do.’ Chris looks up from his phone scrolling through the pictures from y/n and him together. ‘Just leave me alone bro, take her if you want she doesn’t want me anymore.’ Matt furrows his eyebrows, ‘aren’t you the one that doesn’t love her anymore?’ ‘Shut up leave me alone.’ ‘Chris just go to sleep.’ ‘Whatever bro.’ Chris gives Matt a eye roll before Matt picks up the water and brings it upstairs to Nick’s room.

Matt walks into the room with my glass of water and places it down on the kind of dirty nightstand. ‘There you go, I’m so sorry about Chris.’ Matt looks at me with a worried look. ‘It’s okay.’ You give him a weak smile before you quickly drink the glass of water. Matt also crawls up Nick’s bed with you laying in the middle. ‘You wanna watch a movie?’ Nick looks at you while handing you the remote. You nod, click on netflix and skip through the movies, you find Chris’ favorite. ‘That’s his favorite.’ You look at the movie without any expression on your face, almost cold. Nick grabs the remote and puts on a random movie. ‘This is a healthier way no?’ ‘Yeah probably.’ You give nick a little smile while he side hugs you.

After a while you look over to Nick and he’s sleeping, he looks so peaceful something you need rn. On the other side of the bed you see Matt rapidly tapping on his phone. ‘Matt what are you doing?’ ‘Chris wants to talk to you.’ ‘Oh uh..’ you kind of stay quiet, you have no idea what you are supposed to say to him, Everything has been said. ‘I told him no, don’t worry, I don’t think he has the right to talk to you yet.’ ‘Mhm’ Matt looks over to you and gives you a big hug. ‘Where do you wanna sleep tn?’ ‘Can I sleep with you or? I don’t wanna disturb Nick, he has been working hard lately.’ ‘Ofcourse .’ Matt gives you a little smile.

“I BELIEVED YOU WERE CRAZY, YOU BELIEVED THAT YOU LOVE ME.”

After watching a couple more movies with Matt, you tuck Nick in with some warm blankets, and walk with Matt to his room when you find Chris still sitting on the couch looking over at you. ‘Oh so your fucking her now huh?’ ‘Dude what.’ You are just staying silent, what do I need to do? What do I need to say? ‘N-no I am not.’ ‘Ofcourse you aren’t.’ ‘For fucks sake just go to bed, stop scrolling to old pictures of you and y/n and talk to her tomorrow give her some space. Jezus.’ ‘Shut up bro.’ Chris spits at Matt with a furious looks in his eyes, but does exactly what Matt says him.

You are standing face to face with Matt looking at each other but you aren’t looking at him peacefully you are giving him a scared look, a uncomforting look. ‘I- I’m scared idk what to do anymore.’ ‘You are going to be alright. I promise.’ Matt guides you to his bedroom. ‘Do what you need to do, I’m in my room prob watching something on Graffiti falls.’ ‘I think I’m going to take a shower, is that okay?’ ‘Oh for sure, let me get you some towels.’ Matt walks out of his room grabs some towels next to his bathroom and hands you the still warm and soft towels. ‘Thank you.’ ‘Ofcourse.’ He walks to his room and falls on the just made bed. You look into the room before going into the bathroom and give him a little smile. And lipsync ‘thank you.’ Matt gives you a warm smile before turning on his tv.

You turn on the shower, a little above the temperature you normally do. Hopefully the burning shower would hide the thoughts in your head that have been non stop playing in your head. You wash your messy hair and you take of your makeup.

half hour later 11:45 PM

You walk out of the shower with fresh hair and a clean face, but Chris is standing in front of you. ‘Um hello?’ You furrow your eyebrows, ‘um hello?’ Chris mocks you. ‘What do you want, I wanna go to fucking sleep.’ ‘nothing I just hope you have fun fucking my brother.’ Chris’ face is cold, not a single expression on his face. ‘I’m not fuck off, your just jealous.’ You turn around and before you could open the door Matt has paused his serie and stands in the doorway. ‘Chris go to fucking bed.’ You’ve never seen Matt this pissed, it’s lowkey scaring you. Chris pushes Matt, this never happens what is happening? You are scared, you don’t know what to do. ‘Your a fucking dumbass Chris, you were lucky with her. Why the fuck do you ruin that?’ Chris is quiet, tears coming up in his eyes, ‘.. I - idk.’ Chris covers his eyes and walk away.

Nick is coming down the stairs standing there in shock, ‘what the actual fuck happened here?’ His voice is raspy, definitely woke up bc of the fight. You kind of run to Nick, you don’t know what else to do. ‘They got into a fight. I don’t know why.’ ‘Oh for fucks sake, let me handle this. Chris come here.’ Chris was going to walk by but Nick stops him with laying his hand on his shoulder and giving him a slight push. ‘Come here crybaby.’ ‘Fuck you.’ His voice is shaky, it makes you wanna give him a hug but that’s probably the last thing he wants from you right now. ‘Yeah whatever come.’ Nick takes Chris to Matt and takes them into Matt’s room.

You walk to the living room, still in complete shock but you turn on the tv to silent the arguing you hear coming from Matt’s room. You hear so many different things a mix from yelling, cussing and crying, your nightmare came to life.

A little while later they all come out of the room, Chris walks up to you. Falling down on the couch next to you, very close to you. ‘I-Im sorry I do love you I- i really do, I just.’ ‘Oh shut up Chris.’ You don’t let him talk what you feel bad about but you kiss his beautiful lips, the kiss was the thing you needed all along. His hands slightly on your waist, your hands in his hair. Everything seemed perfect.

‘Well you guys made up I see,’ you totally forgot that Matt and Nick were standing in front of y’all, but you couldn’t give a fuck. Things were okay again. You break the kiss look over to them and give them a hug. You whisper in their ears a thank you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I couldn’t help making this a good end🥹

if you want to be tagged comment down!♥️ hope you enjoyed this, leave down a like if you like to see more from me stay save 💞.

Tags:

@042502 @chrisslut333 @chrissslut @chriscamopants @chris-slut @chrissv4mp @didiswrld12 @slutz4sturniolos @hollandsangel @hoeformatt @h3arts4harry @heartmatt @mattsfavbitchhh @mattstattos @mattslittleprincess @mattsturnswife @mattsgf @sturnioloshacker @monroesturnns @sturnslesbo @sturniolonmc @sturnioz @sturnzsblog @sturnsblunt @sturnsbaby @sturnslcver @sturnsdoll

[guardian5tiger3]

Mental health

+Advice & guidance from spirit

Pick a group tarot reading + channeled messages

*I may upload more groups in a new post later on.

Options

1

2 3

4 5

Group one

You guys seem to be the avoidant types more or less. This could show as you straight up trying to hide from your problems. You guys may have heavy resting periods most likely due to depression. This could make you guys stagnant in life and possibly hold onto things that do not serve you and or make you feel secure but that keeps you in an almost unhealthy comfort zone. This may show up as bad character. For a lot of you it seems that in some way your family has had expectations for you that which you feel you are not able to fulfill. You may feel lesser about yourself because of this and you are lacking individuality, or personal freedom to be yourself in some specific area(s). Im getting it's because you were made to feel like you can't be yourselves in these ways. So real talk. Spirit's advice. If you're already into this term then spirit is saying do shadow work, and what I mean by that is you need to go within yourself and identify problems like these, and you need to want to help yourself get better and do that so you can feel better , because life is not worth sitting around feeling less than. You guys really need to nurture yourselves, step up, take risks, go outside of your comfort zone because even though that seems tough it is well worth it when you come out of it on the other side of doing so. You guys I'm being told you all need to focus on treating yourself the way every good human like yourselves deserves to be treated, dignity, respect, and being told and believing that you do deserve good things and to be yourself. I'm really getting you guys should put more work into self care whatever that means for you. You guys if you aren't confident you need to build yourself up, take risks. Someone specific needs to try dyeing their hair. You need to embrace yourself for who you really are, understand that you're beautiful, and you are a gift to the world. There are other people out there who will appreciate you for exactly who you are. And even if some random asshole judges you, fuck em. Carry that attitude maybe. Peace loved ones. I heard that from California girls 😂so one or some of you like that song?? Okkk 💚 good talk guys.

Group two

* I can sense some of you who are going to pick this it doesn't resonate, so sorry for picking Luna and misleading you, but please read some of this to make sure..

I feel like you guys don't know what it's like to be healed in the way that you should be. Like it doesn't even seem appealing so why even try? You guys. You need to think about this. You feel that way because you do not know what it's like. I feel your pain is deep. Some of you this isn't at base level mental illness this is trauma. Straight up. I feel a lot of you feel unworthy. Some of you don't know peace and you can't find it within yourself. A lot of you might not even notice this about yourselves but you're just holding on. To your sanity , you're holding onto trauma, stress, negative ideas put in your mind, whatever it might be. I'm not gonna lie this is a long healing process and I get that it's a big struggle. Some of you do work and try and it doesn't even feel like it makes that much of a difference. I feel like if that's the case you're not digging deep enough into what's really wrong. A lot of you find it easy to act happy so you don't get the help you need even from a therapist. This is self sabotage in a way. You need to at least let your guard down for yourself. Someone I channeled struggles to relax your muscles when you lay in bed. This is serious. I'm getting some of you feel that if you found true love it would almost cure you and they would take this all away. No. And even if it came in now it would not be true love and you all already know why at least deep down. You need to learn to stand on your own and be truly ok. So you guys even have me concerned. But good news. Spirit came through with some good advice and I even doubted they could do it this well. Well let me tell you all what you can do. You all must tap into the energy of love. You need to feel. I mean truly feel everything that you feel. I can feel you guys have love in your hearts. If you listen to that , every single answer is there. Anything you could possibly need an answer for , it's in your heart. As a healer myself , and I feel some of you are skeptical, but I have healed myself from horrible horrible traumas. At a lot of points this was all I could do and it's the only thing that could have possibly worked. Listen you guys you need to get serious about this. You need to be aware and catch yourself with every negative though, feeling, emotion, and you need to then tap into the energy of love and in your heart you already know what's wrong or right and you need to correct it. You need to nurture yourself. You need to think about what's wrong and you need to tell yourself things like that wasn't right it wasn't here's why , work things out in your head and be honest with yourself. And when it comes to grieving and negative emotions. You can't run away or they will stay unhealed. You need to feel them , be very brave and feel them, that is the truest , rawest for of strength. And trust me . They will eventually go away. I have been through some of the worst things and if you want to know seriously you can ask but there things I'm not going to speak about in caution of people sensitive to the topics but this was the only way to get better for me. Some of you of course can take psychedelics because I feel some few of you thinking about it and I need to tell you if you're doing it to heal you need to make sure that's what you're doing when you're doing that. Like go within. Think and feel ok. Don't just let yourself end up dicking around. Don't worry guys. I see you getting better. Not just at the very way end of healing but every major step I see you all feeling more relieved and more balanced within yourselves. It's going to take time. Please understand it's worth it. Another thing to note is if you're feeling like giving up understand the least you can do is take into account all of the other people that have gone through similar things, and if nothing else motivates you maybe true love can , so think , maybe you can help even one person like yourself and be the hero. Be strong guys. I love y'all. ☮️

Group three

You guys seem overwhelmed maybe overburdened and a lot of you might speak of this like yeah I got this this and that going on and plus mental health issues. So I'm saying you guys also recognize and feel that weighing you down. Ok. Well I got yall. I feel like I need to feel my heart for this reading so you guys I think you need to allow yourself time to feel things. Some of you can meditate but I mostly mean just feel all the feelings and emotions you have and feel your bodies , basically practicing mindfulness about yourselves. I'm getting for a lot of you the more organized you have everything the better you will feel. This could be school or work stuff , or stuff in your home, for someone in picking up on makeup for real. But it will definitely make you feel a lot better I'm really getting that. I'm getting that a lot of you guys aren't balancing out different parts of your lives as well as you should be. Some of you work too much. A lot of you might be like well I can't help that but here's what you can definitely do. You can remind yourself to be more calm and practice self care while you are working. You will then have more fun in your free time and won't feel as exhausted . Okay for some a vacation is needed even if it's down the street to a hotel or literally a day at a beach or lake . Also I'm picking up somebody should go to the theatre and watch a movie. Yep. But overall you guys need to go somewhere that will basically bring you some type of amusement or joy or something. I'm picking up on someone who wears their earbuds or headphones a lot. I love music it's my favorite thing in life but if you guys spent some more time working on your present, real reality Infront of you and shaping it how you want to be. For instance observe and decorate your bedroom , Idk. You will therefore enjoy it more and not feel the need to hide. That doesn't mean stop listening to music worst case scenario buy a speaker but I'm saying this because I'm being told you're using the earbuds as a form of escapism and that's not going to help you longterm.

I also see some of you having to manual do so much in your lives I don't know what I could possibly use as an example for this but it's like you're moving brick after brick and in reality like why the fuck are the bricks there in the first place??!you guys this couldn't be made more clear you guys just have to ask the right people or persons for help. You might need to bring some problems to somebody's attention because they shouldnt even be problems especially if this is a work matter but regardless of where it's happening this is true ok. So anyway for a lot of you some energy is taking form you and you need to learn to cut energies off from taking from you when they shouldn't be. Some of you feel like nobody will care or maybe believe you, and that's so not true but you need to speak really loud and really clearly about what's going on , if that resonates with you. Some of you need lights or more lights for a room. Fairy lights are always good :). This smiley face is horrifyingly funny so Im leaving it. Some of you need to laugh. Come on and break the ego you don't gotta be so serious.for some of you you still don't feel like this is going to solve what's going on, spirit is saying this is a matter of going withing and finding out what you feeling you're missing. This very well could tie into a destiny thing, and I personally don't like to give destiny readings cause... That'll mess it up. So it's up to you guys on this epic quest to find the missing piece of your heart. Ok I'm done. You guys have a purpose in life you maybeee don't expect but you're gonna go for it. Even if it's just a side quest. Alright you guys go enjoy a cup of coffee or tea or something maybe a good book or a movie and I hope this resonates and it helps. xxo💗💗💚

Group four

I'm already getting a lot about inner child. One thing I will say is I'm channeling that your inner demons are like your inner child it is just super out of control but we all started as children so hopefully that makes these things less scary in a way. physiologically yeah there are a lot of ways depending on the issues that you know it requires comparable types of nurturing. You guys definitely want to be free but being in that energy I see something blocking you forward in actually seeing something in an og pokemon game with ash getting blocked .if what I'm picking up on is how some of you guys see the world and your lives that's so badass. Nerds. Lol ok anyway. I'm being told to give you the advice to look at this like a video game. If you're being blocked it's because you're being faced with a challenge and you need to overcome that and you will also probably level up right. You guys are super dreamy like I don't know. You guys must be nerds cause I'm being told to guide you through emotional and mental healing in a rational way. I also see the universe giving you things like level ups or tokens or whatever like in any video game at the appropriate times ,so you must have manifested this because I do this too sometimes when I'm anxious at work I choose to look at it like it's a video game. That's crazy. So the universe operates for you accordingly. This group is teaching me a thing or two bout how things work. Some of you might struggle with anxiety though and you then at those times need to remember to bring it down to earth and breath in really deep a good few times as long as you can breathe in. I really just want to tell you guys people might judge you and make you think negative things about yourself and tell you even maybe that there's something wrong with you but there isn't. There's nothing wrong with you guys. But when it comes to whatever pain your feeling or whatever you're going through you can't hide from it or push it down forever. If you guys want a bright future you need to level up to where you're ready to walk into that. And that might mean facing yourself , which is the toughest battle of all if you ask me. But there will never be a stronger warrior than the one who comes out of that fully intact and better than before. Just remember what you're fighting for whatever that may be, if it's love or justice or peace , or to make evil disappear completely. Whatever it could be.im getting for a lot of you you are on some type of high horse though because of what ever happened in the past probably, but when you're alone you do need be real and honest with yourself and let your guard down. If any of you feel sad a lot it's because you have a big heart. It's a sign of something. You should try to figure out what around you might be making you feel like that that isn't right because it's your heart telling you something isn't as it should be. You guys are strong enough for anything that comes your way . Trust me.

Group five

I feel a lot of love towards you guys a lot for you guys your guides are here and they all wanted me to sit for a minute in peace and silence before doing this reading specifically after doing the other ones.

You guys need to refresh your minds a bit. I'm feeling for some you need to sort of change your trajectory a bit. I'm feeling like your ego selves are assuring you you're in the right direction somehow but there's something you're overlooking that you need to pay attention to.

I'm getting a lot of stress for a lot of you. It kind of feels like some of you guys you keep going and going and you're not moving in the right way or direction or something im getting what you're supposed to be looking at is going to feel a lot easier if you do turn in the direction it's in and go down that path. A lot of you guys for some reason are feeling resistant towards this for some reason it's almost like you're in some level of denial.maybe whatever y'all have been doing seems desirable and you don't want to change and I understand that cause I can feel the energy but in some way it's almost like stepping out of your comfort zone or taking a risk for something better and I understand it's hard to make sacrifices like that but I hope you take this advice to give it a try because just trying this is not going to be as life and death as your brain is making it out to be. You still have problems on the path you've been on and this other direction is offering you solutions. I just have a friend an almost identical reading to this and I bet you're here!! Love you ! I want you guys if this resonates to take comfort in that there's multiple of you going through this and I feel in my heart somehow you are all connected and Im feeling it's a lot of heart connection . I feel though that I'm going to break this into having a second part for a specific group of you so continue to make sure if this resonates or not

I keep hearing you guys are nearing the end of something. It seems that you guys are in some way resisting this ending or at least kind of sabotaging it in some way but you don't realize that this needs to take place in order for your desired future to come in. A lot of you guys I'm seeing should look into how to be more disciplined with your subconscious mind. This has been playing a major role as to why some of you have been in whatever more negative energies or stagnancies you've been in. Some of you need to learn how to not be defensive towards good things that come your way and this ties a lot into psychology I think if any of you feel inclined to look into that maybe. For some reason every ending is a bad one to some of you and blessings are scary. This is all about healing ,my friends. My phone is dying so I'm going to go. I wish you all well

[notmorbid]

we were the universe.

dialogue prompts from we were the universe: a novel by kimberly king parsons.

loss is the lesson life teaches, ready or not.

the body is an efficient machine. it knows what it can get away with.

you know i need my emotional support bitch.

nobody ever gets 'wracked' with anything good.

what the hell happened?

time away lets you appreciate the good in your life.

i'm dedicated to aimlessness.

i'll pay anybody who can make ____ disappear.

money is random and meaningless, and i want some more of it.

i wish i knew you before.

if you have to think about breathing, there's a good chance you're not doing it.

whatever is about to happen, it can't happen here.

if anybody really knew the real me, i'm certain they wouldn't want to.

i don't understand the problem with shortcuts, so long as something pleasant is on the other side.

we're born with only one fear: falling.

what a beautiful life you have ahead of you.

a 'meaningful nature experience' is a real thing. you can read about it on the internet.

i'm too tired to sleep.

peril is when endorphins kick in and make everything sparkle.

are you pissed at me?

you have your own version of the truth. you embroider.

how do you know what you want?

i never know if i want what a model is wearing or if i just want her.

why do we so often look our best when we feel our worst?

never having an opinion is a form of control.

if you keep everyone you care about separate, you'll always have their undivided attention.

how can you know so much about everything? when do you have time to learn?

i'm going to tell you something, okay?

i'm forgetting things i thought were unforgettable.

knowing where a trap is doesn't mean you know how to avoid it.

mama tried, as the song says.

you can't change, or won't.

euphoria comes in waves. same as grief.

i'll never get out of here.

any party you're not invited to seems like it's full of assholes.

everything in moderation. even moderation.

sometimes slow is the fastest way to get where you want to be.

if you squint, this could pass for a meaningful experience.

i love you, but you have to get yourself together.

it's like you're not you, lately.

i'm sorry my night terror was so traumatic for you.

i did some violence in the bathroom.

what if i'm not me?

it's been a weird week. you ever have a weird week?

my therapist let me go.

sorry i'm a dipshit.

people don't really know a lot.

nobody asked you to be my babysitter.

my new thing is pretending to be over it until i'm over it.

i'm going to put out some snacks.

our bodies can know things that we don't.

how lucky that we've always had this.

we store our childhood homes in our bodies.

is there anybody able to help you?

we have a doorbell, you know.

let's go out. let's do something crazy.

how come you never ask me to babysit?

i like you so much.

play the game. look alive.

ever done ecstasy? molly, i guess they call it now.

how are any of us still alive?

i want to be graceful. i want to have style.

when i was young, i was a dancer.

anxiety comes from not knowing how a story ends.

can i lie on the ground and close my eyes?

you're not so scary anymore.

knowing where you're really needed is a life skill.

you could have told me sooner, you know.

moving from shame to humiliation is not easy.

what a curse it is to be so approachable.

listen, i love you, but you scare the shit out of me.

you can't make something happen by saying it.

it's hard to know how to help.

i'm not mad. i know why you did it.

i've been in a place where nobody could reach me.

grief isolates. it makes you feel unknowable, unknown.

today, we clear a path. that's it. just a path.

the most rewarding theft is the one you pull off boldly. in broad daylight.

i can't move on until you let me rest.

the book says we have to set intentions.

what i want is to play like a little kid. to be free and curious and not fucked up.

i want to feel only this.

is this going to take a gruesome turn?

you are mine, now and always.

what can you say about your one true person?

[carlyraejepsans]

Sans Undertale.

the funny one. blue guy. skeleton dude. if u please

favorite thing about them: god how to choose. i love how contradictory he is. i love how much he blends into the background and has a net zero relevance on the game's story, and yet he sticks out like a sore thumb, both thematically and tonally. the judgement spiel makes him the direct deliverer of a core game mechanic, and yet he's... such an outsider about it. i love how morally grey he is. a resonance hybrid between a painfully selfless good man and a self serving bastard. he's the depressed nihilistic man. he is his girlfriend's manic pixie dream girl. he is just some guy. he is the last barrier against universal annihilation. he serves cunt (but only once). he parallels flowey in his refusal to engage the narrative, but whereas the narrative starts orbiting flowey instead, sans condems himself as the audience to the player's actions. #finalgirl. also it's still a theory, but if the otherworld stuff is ever confirmed ingame that will make him the most video game character of all fucking time. hands down. no competitors.

least favorite thing about them: every morning i wake up and i stare in the mirror and i ask myself "do i wanna fuck sans undertale??" and i hesitate. and well i could do without that kind of pressure

favorite line: "that's a promise" "besides. chances are... i've already tried to steer you in the right direction. so what can i say? what can i say that will change the mind of a being like you...?"

brOTP: i like whatever he and grillby got going on. that barman/regular comradery, the mood of the bar late at night and being the only client left. the silent vulnerability of it. it's all hypothetical since grillby doesn't really Have much of a presence in the game, but they obviously get along well. alphys too, what a pair of nerds. oh my god i didn't mention papyrus. oh well, they don't feel like a brotp tbh, it's like. they're halves of the same coin. sans inevitably implies papyrus in my mind, and vice versa. do NOT separate them.

OTP: do you have to fucking ask

nOTO: you know people usually put stuff like incest or age gap ships here because they make them understandably uncomfortable, but if there's a ""ship"" that i violently HATE re:sans it's. whenever they make him and toriel a mother-son dynamic. i am not talking about platonic or qpr soriel, i love those as well, they are besties first and lovers maybe, i mean SPECIFICALLY the take that she's his mother. no the fuck she's not. infantilization of sans and mommyification of toriel aside, that's the entire point of their friendship she is NOT his mother. they're on the same level, he is literally the first person she's gone eye to eye with as an equal in her centuries of isolation and THAT is what helps her snap out of her cycle. she is not his superior, he is not her protège. it grosses me out so much.

random headcanon: half decent singer, but hates to sing in public unless he's being a clown on purpose. used to sing papyrus to sleep as a baby. that's a pretty standard hc though, uhhhh.... he hates drinking. though he's surprisingly knowledgeable about corks, for some reason.

unpopular opinion: abby i'm so sorry i know u like it & i 🤝 about it in some cases ex: specific fics we both like, but he does NOT canonically have 1HP outside of a genocide battle. and i'd really appreciate it if people stopped pushing that hc on everyone else.

song i associate with them: Pinch me by the Barenaked Ladies, and If I Ever Feel Better by Phoenix. helplessness but silly and helplessness but funky. v sans songs

favorite picture of them:

heart eyes motherfucker

[transgeneth]

Name? private

Pronouns and gender? she/her, woman of the trans variety

Sexuality? lesbian although these femboy Fridays got me questioning that

Country? private

Top 5 fandoms? I don't really interact with fandoms themselves but digimon since I was a small child, kenshi, rimworld, zelda, deep rock

What is your Most forbidden snack? the crown jewels

Would you pet a bug? already have

Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class. I have had a couple of dreams that don't make sense but not in the usual way, I do not remember their order. One was a red symbol unrememberable but I do remember being fully aware of my body, time going at the normal rate for hours and being too weak to go to school afterwards. The second was a day dream, I was in an endless expanse of mist and people all sat down on the floor, above was a massive cloaked figure taking up the sky, for whatever reason I stood up and showed it the middle finger in defiance, it then breathed out a thick mist that left me writhing in real life, afterwards I drank. And the third one is the one I have the most headache over, to sum up this longer(in term of how many things happen) a girl who is seeming abused by her parents tries to get help from me, now the actual shape of her parents is what gives me a headache because no matter how hard I think a clear picture never comes, I know for a fact I know what those abominations looked like those things that filled the sky but the closer I get to remembering their form the pain just gets worse and worse. Now I look at this it feels cringe.

What does the color blue taste like? like an orange but without the zest

What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? tied between the moon in full splendor and the golden light when sun sun sets just right

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done? squeezed through a chained shut door in my old abandoned school

Stupidest thing you've seen/heard someone else do/say? a friend replied "👍" to an "I love you" text from their girlfriend, they weren't very pleased

Hyperfixation song? I mainly listen to other peoples music mixes, ones that mention trans and breakcore ones, also like sewerslvt

Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username? the profile picture is the first one I found of my computer and the username is trans which is self explanatory and geneth is cymraeg and translates to girl

Dream career as a child? Didn't have one, as a child I didn't understand why anyone wouldn't just share with people since it's the nice thing to do

Dream career as an adult? Not a lot has changed, I hate the idea of currency, so many horrible things done because it makes money, so many wonderful things not done because you don't make money from feeding people you make it from them buying it, I wish I could help people and am overwhelmed by how many need help

Thoughts on cilantro? I'm pretty sure I like coriander or cilantro as you put it, didn't know this was one of those marmite type things

Have you ever been banned from a location and if so, why? to get banned you have to be caught doing something wrong, I have never been banned from a location

What is your cursed food combination? chocolate bourbon biscuits with blue berries after, while the taste of the biscuit is still in your mouth

Trans rights? Trans rights now

and now for the people who I am sorry if this has already been sent to you

@ferno-does-random-shit @viola-canadensis @elviras-fucked-up-gay-sex-lair @orangeshortstuff @vevader3 @ozi-uwu

“I just came from r/196” ask game

Saw another post. I think I should invite y'all to one of our longstanding traditions. Answer the questions then tag 10 (or more) people. I'll go first.

Name? Frankie

Pronouns and gender? he/they/it, transmasc

Sexuality? Lesbian

Country? USA

Top 5 fandoms? Bungou Stray Dogs, Cosmere, All for the Game, Fundiesnark (not a series but I'm too deep in it to not consider it a fandom), .....the tornado fandom? (they're my special interest)

What is your Most forbidden snack? The preserved bones at the Atlanta Bodies Exhibition. They looked so crunchy...

Would you pet a bug? If it's big enough, it is pettable.

Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class. I like to drive around rural areas and photograph old, sometimes abandoned locations in the dead of night. I have been literally chased out of towns by foot and by car on two separate occasions. The second time this happened, "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus came up on shuffle and that's the soundtrack my friend and I tore out of town to. Also every "guy" I've dated except for my most recent ex (who has big egg energy) is a lesbian now.

What does the color blue taste like? Creme brulee

What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? The appalachian mountains of Tennessee in the middle of summer. There's kudzu everywhere. On the backroads, there were several old, dilapidated Baptist churches barely hanging to the side of the mountain. I wonder how many of them were still in use.

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done? Short version: my friend's house almost got broken into by this dude who'd been stalking us for months while we were home alone. Instead of calling the cops, we decided to confront him with a bow and arrow (me), a hatchet, and a baseball bat (him). The plan was that if it went badly, we would simply throw his corpse into one of the many lakes in the neighborhood and let the alligators eat his remains (this was Florida). Why? Because we were afraid of having our home-alone privileges revoked. Luckily for us all, the guy fucked off and we never saw him again.

Stupidest thing you've seen/heard someone else do/say? My ex thought that Jackalopes were real. Also, a nurse I was doing rotations with apparently thought that "Witness Protection" was for Jehovah's Witnesses.

Hyperfixation song? Young Enough + Bleach by Charly Bliss

Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username? Profile pic; I'm transmasc and I'm currently obsessed with TriStamp. Username; It was my fake internet name when I was like 13. I won't change it because I want my mutuals to recognize me, and because I do have a viral post associated with this name.

Dream career as a child? Doctor (funnily enough I'm now in nursing school)

Dream career as an adult? Professional Jester. Not a comedian. I just want to be some weird little guy who dresses silly and you can hire me to roast your boss at work parties.

Thoughts on cilantro? Delicious

Have you ever been banned from a location and if so, why? I honestly can't remember? Probably... but in recent memory I've mainly banned people from places.

What is your cursed food combination? Pineapple on a hotdog with grilled onions. It Slaps.

Trans rights? TRANS RIGHTS

Tagging: @rocket-mankoi @mostlymarco @atleast8courics @jazzlike39 @gemsweater72 @limbobilbo @ameliaaltare @redcrane112 @theoneofwhomisblue @twinkenjoyer @theultimatecarp and anyone else who wants to jump on

[otomepeachy]

Showing the ikevamp boys modern music

Mozart

Show him edm he'll make a face then throw you out while ranting in German...Or faint

Give him the sheet music for Dr Dre

He might be interested in some of the new sounds in music from your time.

Dazai

Adores J-pop. Probably vocaloid too.

Definitely develops inside jokes with you based on Japanese lyrics that only you and him (and Sebastian) understand.

You make a reference to a song and the two of you lose it while everyone else looks at you with pure confusion and concern. Sebastian probably just sighs and walks away.

Show him a TikTok dance and he's absolutely beaming with interest.

Sebastian

*Jim face*

He's around from the same time, so he's used to the music. But being the history nut he is, he will be delighted to discuss how music tastes have changed. He can talk for hours about how interests and tastes change. It's actually an interesting conversation.

However, he has asked that you keep your M&M's brand spaghetti to yourself.

You do manage to make him chuckle at some of your song references. On a Blue moon he'll even join in and make one himself

Vincent

Smiles sweetly no matter what you show him. "That's nice MC"

Likes the upbeat and happy songs. Of course he does.

You explain how others or yourself sometimes use music for inspiration with art. Sometimes they listen to it while they work. Of course Vincent has to try.

Theo

80's boy. I don't know why either! I am also confused!

I personally would enjoy terrorizing him with music he finds annoying.

Theo is just doing whatever in the kitchen or something. Suddenly MC appears in the doorway. The sounds of crazy frog slowly growing louder. He closes his eyes and sighs before looking over his shoulder with a glare. You grin. "Bing Bing!"

Then you run for your life as he chases after you.

You will have to find one of the other boys. Vincent or Arthur are your best bet. Vincent is always willing to help and Arthur thinks it's hilarious.

Probably also likes a bit of rock music.

Jean

Definitely faints from horror

Even some of the gospel music makes him freak.

Show him Nikki Minaj and you will traumatize the poor thing. He will wake up in a cold sweat, screaming in terror. The words "super bass" still echoing in his head.

You show him Twice and he actually likes them. He thinks they're catchy and most of their songs are more innocent and wholesome.

Leonardo

*asleep*

Likes the chill vibes of songs.

Big surprise there.

Likes the songs with less lyrics and more music.

Would probably like powfu.

Probably ends up metaphorically deconstructing some of the songs.

Arthur

Actually likes it. Thinks some are funny. 100% uses some to flirt with you.

Brit-pop

Don't know why but I feel like he'd like 3OH!3. DON'TTRUSTME seems like smth he'd love.

Beatles! The Beatles! I can just see him humming or mumbling Beatles songs under his breath as he does random tasks!

Obviously loves the sensual and flirty songs. But also secretly likes the more wholesome love songs too.

Don't think this fuck-boi is safe from harassment. Though I love this man, I am a complete brat.

You randomly remember at one point about Sherlock by SHINee. (If you don't know where this is going, I'm sorry)

You run through the halls of the mansion from your room before bursting into Arthur's room so quickly that his pen flies out of his hand.

You insist on showing him the song. At first he thinks it's interesting...until you reveal the title. For possibly the first time, Arthur is a bit annoyed with your antics. He might kick you out while you giggle.

....but it's not over....the dance. For the chorus. If you know you know.

You just harass him at random times and places. You might do it past a doorway without saying anything or just directly in front of him.

The best part is...others join in. Dazai is first. Obviously. He's eager to mess with everyone. Next is Isaac. It's not often, but it's his revenge for apple jokes. Then, Theo. It's just once. But he likes to make Arthur mad.

Comte

Does the parent thing where they let you talk and agree or say what you want but never once look up from what they're doing.

Also gets some of the references you make and he gives a knowing smile at your playfulness and energy.

Strikes me as the kind of guy who likes 60's and 70's music.

He's got the kind of refined and clean but fun vibe that they have.

Napoleon

Likes it but refuses to admit it.

Can appreciate and laugh at the sillier songs you may show him.

You accidentally mention Les Miserables somehow and if you show him the music and explain the story, he'll burst into tears.

If you show him empty chairs at empty tables.....you are a monster. He sobs halfway through and then locks himself in his room. Jean has to go talk to him.

However, Do you hear the people sing, fills him with pride. It reminds him of the revolution in a good way. He loves it. He may shed a tear here too, but it's happy.

William

Musical boi!

Find him at Denny's at midnight

The poor workers are just trying to take his order and he busts out a sonnet.

Actually kinda likes some rap because of word play and interesting ways of saying things. At first it's just for the lyrics but then he actually starts to like the other aspects of the music too.

Issac

Emo phase music

Another chill boy.

Feel like he's a fan of 2000's era music.

"Shawty had them apple bottom jeans-"

"I will burn you alive!"

[mokutone]

For the ask game, what about Gaara? Iirc you had Some Emotions about him!

dghskdjgh alright!

favorite thing about them —i think he contributes a wonderful narrative foil to naruto. he is what naruto would have been without somebody like iruka, etc etc

least favorite thing about them —i do not like watching him suffer, and sooo much of gaara's screentime is just watching him experience trauma. there's sooo much of that. also who the fuck chose liam o'brien to voice him? and why did liam o'brien, once chosen, choose to deepen his voice further? i'm fucking suffering. gaara sounds like he's 40+ yrs old and smoking at least half a pack a day. help.

if anyone says "well see the solution to that problem is not to watch the dub" well, consider this: boo! that's annoying!

favorite line — "just because someone is important to you, it doesn't necessarily mean that, that person is good. Even if you knew that person was evil...people cannot win against their loneliness."

dude. ohhhh dude. ohhhh this little guy. ough.

brOTP —temari is gaara's favorite sibling i think. she hasn't always liked gaara and gaara hasn't always liked her, but i feel like she has always tried with gaara, and that makes all the difference with him because so few other people ever tried to engage with him like a thing that can be reasoned with, instead of a horrible natural disaster, or a demon. her attempts were not always good. his responses were rarely good either, but she tried.

OTP —i don't care about this kind of thing.

nOTP —okay this isn't a nOTP tbh because if i am being real, when it comes to most ships which aren't skeevy as hell, i honestly couldn't care less. but like, personally, i cannot understand gaalee at all, i dont get the appeal and i do not see any semblance of a romantic affection between them. for the longest time i thought the draw of gaalee was that like, gai would be gaara's dad-in law (sensei-in-law?) and it was a comedic premise where gaara and lee would basically be arranging themselves into a companionable but loveless marriage for this familial set up. Like. Gaara and Lee marry just bc gaara wants gai sensei as a father figure in his life.

u have to understand, while that sounds insane, i thought this was more realistic than them being romantically interested in each other, this is how little i understand whatever compels people to ship gaara and lee together.

but again, like i said, i don't really care and i'm glad people are having fun, it's not like its a bad ship i just personally do not get it

random headcanon —i...don't think about him enough to have a random headcanon for him i think? i think he should play sports, something like soccer. i think that would be really good for him, emotionally.

unpopular opinion —i think the gaalee thing probably counts as my most unpopular opinion. i am sorry 2 any gaalee fans...to all u rockra fans out there...i just do not get it 😔 tho to be fair i don't get a lot of ships so skdghdkgjhsdkg this is not a surprising unpopular opinion from me

song i associate with them —Let it Happen by Tame Impala maybe?

favorite picture of them

[darkdevasofdestruction]

An Angel and A Demon ~ Pyramid Head x Reader

Update 2: My laptop restarted when I was in the middle of writing this, and trust me when I say it, I am positively pissed off, and I want to end my days, that's how bad of a day this was.

And I didn't leave the house.

That says a lot about today...

Update 1: But, without further ado, I was half-way writing this story, and I received this ask, and let me tell you...

helloooo, i absolutely adored the fanfics you wrote about kazan and danny🥺 could i request one where pyramid head is just really whipped for and in love with the survivor! reader but he doesnt know how to announce it to them so he brings her random ,,gifts" in and outside the trials and protecting her bc well, im pretty sure he cant speak so he doesnt really have any other options on how to express his feelings??

I live for it.

Bless you for sending me this, it's the reason I'm still sane right now.

I love you, baby-cakes.

Update 3: I want to kill myself so bad. Just smash my head on a wall until it explodes or sth. I was so happy with how this imagine turned out, only fuck fucking tumblr to just fucking delete EVERYTHING just as I was about to put the last gif and hit POST NOW.

--------

For the 5th time writing this :

FUCKMEDADDY - but this time - FUCKMYBRAINSOUTPLEASEIWANNADIE

Thanks.

-------

Hell - What was that place, anyway?

Some would describe it as an infinite ocean of flames and lava, where it's eternally melting-hot, and a bunch of hooved, horned, tailed red demons torture you with acid, with their red pitch forks, or boil you alive in their cauldron for soup. Or maybe you just get tortured by Stalin, who knows?

But never would have anyone thought that 'Hell' could look so...Normal. Well, normal in a very demolished, desolate, ravished way, but still...Normal, by human standards. Albeit, the never-ending loop of madness, anguish, agony and desperation of getting killed in different gruesome ways or fleeing for their lives and feeling a myriad of emotions pumping adrenaline through their veins so badly that their anxiety-meter skyrocketed to abnormal levels.

All this darkness, this hatred, this...Everything...It changed all the survivors. They became selfish, stubborn, rude, some even went as far as to sacrifice their fellow survivors in trials, just so they could survive. It was a complete mayhem that defied all kinds of reason, normality, morality or even ethics. Everyone became devoid of any laws that used to bind them to their humane sides, and now, you weren't sure if the killers were saner than the survivors or not.

But even in this abyss where you couldn't even see your hand in front of your very eyes, there was a little star - A beautiful angel radiating brightness and warmth, someone who was somehow able to guide everyone's straying souls with her benevolence.

In reality, she was merely a survivor, not the little lantern from an angler fish's head, but she treated everyone with such an untainted kindness...It was beautiful, and yet, unrequited for most parts. Everyone was still putting their own lives above all - And who could condemn them? - Perhaps their cowardice, for the girl preferred to save her fellow survivors as much as possible, even if that oftentimes assured her place on the hook, to be a sacrificial lamb for the Entity.

On the other hand, she rarely ended up on the hook - Most killers prefer to kill her themselves, instead of letting her become pray for the horrible Entity who tortured so many of them for refusing to cooperate - The Trapper, Evan MacMillan - He knew the best, with those hooks digging into his flesh, impossible to extract. He was the first to protect this girl. It wasn't much, but if he had to, he'd rather give her a swift, painless death, than seeing her without that serene, angelic smile on her face, as the Entity feeds on the last bits of her soul's beauty, the last parts of her humanity.

The other Killers were confused at the Trapper's actions, but little by little, they began to understand why this girl was so precious and special - And this domino effect hit Rin Yamaoka next, with Y/N stopping in the middle of a chase and taking off her jacket, just as Rin was about to butcher her with her katana, and she smiled, extending it to her. 'You must be cold' she said, realising that the Spirit was merely wearing a few bandages, not even her school uniform, or her kimono.

The ghost girl was shaken up by this, and told the others at the killer camp, but they just shrugged it off - Rin was a little girl who faced close to no kindness, they weren't surprised she was so taken aback by such a feat. That is, until Adiris, in a particularly terrible day, when everyone at the camp was staying away from her, as her profane censer wasn't able to cover the stench of rotting flesh - Y/N came over, taking out a small yet elegant glass bottle with pink liquid on it, spraying some on her - And now, The Plague smelled of roses and vanilla - 'You can come to me for perfume whenever you want, I always carry some with me!' she grinned at the Babylonian High Priestess, before leaving back to the survivor's camp site, leaving the ancient God symbol to stare with her mouth agape at the girl.

These words began to spread, and it was no surprise when the killers saw Susie clinging and begging her Legion friends to spare Y/N, for she was there to hug away her worries more than once, to tell her sweet words, to play with her hair and play the guitar whatever songs she wanted to hear, to get reminded of her home - She was so home sick that she freaked out, but now she was better, thanks to Y/N - 'I know you miss home, but sometimes, home is where your best friends are, and all three of them are here!' she tried to encourage the cute pink-haired girl who could only squeal and hug her new friend.

Even Ghostface wasn't exempt from falling to her charms, and they would often take silly selfies and mess around, making fun of the old horror movie tropes and doing lots of puns and pranks - So much that she even got his trust to be told about the Danny/Jed thing, and how he began his killer profession - 'You're a very talented photographer, Danny! You deserved all that recognition you got, both as a journalist, and as a killer!'

And very soon, Y/N found herself in the crushing arms of an overprotective Anna, humming her mother's lullaby together with walking through the forest, Y/N making flower crows for all the female killers at the camp site, and little by little, she somehow managed to worm her way under everyone's skins.

Y/N was the survivor with the highest survivability percentage, and maybe the Entity sometimes got pissed off, but at least she still got killed sometimes, so who cares? Well, that was soon to change as soon as a new Killer was added to this sick game - Pyramid Head, the terror of Silent Hill, as Cheryl, the new Survivor, called him - or The Executioner, as he was known now. He was ruthless, merciless, grotesque - He had his own criteria of killing, his own moral compass, ethics, conscience and understanding of the concept of life and death. Nothing that could compare to the visions of humans, clearly - Everything was gravitating around Divine Retribution and Justice, but the from the outside, he was nothing but a killing machine.

He would kill everyone and anyone that crosses his path, without fail.

Y/N felt like her fortune ended completely the second she found herself in the new, overly cramped map, with Pyramid Head as the killer - She couldn't help but run around like a spazzic meerkat, trying to find and fix as many generators as possible, without having to get face to face with the walking hazard...

Only to run past a stuck Pyramid Head.

Slowly backtracing her steps, she saw the mountain of a man with his metal pyramid stuck in the frames a low window which he tried to walk over. He was trashing like a raged bull trying to attack a matador, but it was clear he was getting nowhere with this.

"H-Hey, u-uhm...Need some help?" she asked in a soft, careful voice, almost like a meek cat trying to test the waters, but in return, he started groaning even louder from the wrath he wanted to unleash upon the whole world. "Okay, uhm...I think I saw a can of vaseline in one of the chests around. I'll go fetch it and I'll come back for you. Don't move." she said, only to then realise how horrible that sounded, considering the situation, and it only seemed to anger the killer. "...I'm sorry, ignore me, I'm an idiot." she slapped herself pretty harshly before bolting out of there trying to find the chest.

However, Y/N cursed herself for not having perfectly memorised the whole map by heart already, since she found the vaseline can after the 3rd chest, and then, it took quite a while to find the bloody window that got the killer stuck - And by the time she got there, she was dead tired. "Okay, I'm here, I found the vaseline! Let's try to get you out of here." Y/N muttered as she put her feet on the low window pane to get to his level. "If it's not too much trouble, could you please hold onto me? I can't balance myself with both hands occupied, and I'd rather not fall." she explained as she opened the vaseline can, only to shiver as she felt two big, strong hands getting a firm grip on her hips. It was almost...Endearing, were she not too busy trying to get the killer unstuck. She kept massaging the metal edge, trying to push and pull, also praying to whatever deity that existed in her human world that she had her tetanus shot done on time - Until finally, she was able to get hear a loud screech, like a pop, and the killer got unstuck, and in the process, he stumbled backwards, while Y/N fell down on her butt.

"Ouchie..." she muttered, rubbing her back and sides to take away the pain surging through her body. "Are you okay?" she asked, almost intuitively, without realising it at first, until she heart a low grunt that brought her back to reality. "O-Oh...! You have glass shards stuck in your side! And you're bleeding too! Hold up, let me help." she hurried to his side, while the killer merely stiffened, feeling her delicate, slender fingers tracing his body, while he heaved and slouched his shoulders from the repressed wrath. "It may sting a bit, and I'm really sorry, but I promise it will be better soon." her voice was so motherly and warm, which also resonated in her actions, as she gingerly took a water bottle and imbued some tissues with it, to wipe away the blood smearing down his skin as she extracted the glass shards, and then..."This is grandma's marigold ointment. It's really good, and it smells nice." she explained as she carefully smeared a thick layer of the yellow ointment on the biggest wounds, while the little ones were covered by smiley-flower patterned plasters. They were cute, and colourful, and they never failed to make her smile. "Okay, there we go, all better! I hope you'll feel better very soon!" her voice got a tiny bit more cheerful and upbeat.

It made the Killer think about a trillion things, as he stepped in front of her, towering over her like the Empire states building next to a smiling pomeranian. What was with this girl? Why did she help a killer? And why did he feel so...Warm inside? He could sense a foreign kind of luminosity, a naivite and innocence that he only witnessed in children and animals. This woman in front of him was untainted by the darkness and evil of the world.

It didn't matter how many hardships she's been through, or how much sadness she had to endure - Her soul remained as pure as any snowdrop, as the first snow of winter, as the fleece of a baby lamb who let out its first 'meeeeh' to its mamma sheep.

He couldn't allow this human to be maimed in any way - Not by the world, not by the Entity, and certainly not by him. - Screw the Entity, Pyramind Head kills by his own rules, and now, he was blessed to be faced with a human who bore no real hatred for her peers, or for the world, despite the horrible situation she was thrown into.

He didn't understand, obviously, especially as he remembered the myriad of abominations that lurked through Silent Hill, all of them created by the torment of humans - The very torment that distorted their own reality, which resulted in him needing to solve the purpose as The Executioner - Eradicating the world of all evil.

"Th-This sword is so heavy...H-How can you carry this around like that...?! Your muscles must be so strained and sore...Y-You really need a massage, I'm sure." she stuttered as she tried to lift the much taller and heavier sword from the ground, only for the brute to simply bend and pick it up with extreme ease, putting the girl to shame with her complete lack of strength. "Hehe...You're really strong. I'm embarrassed now." she chuckled softly, scratching the back of her neck.

Before she could leave or do anything else, Pyramid Head picked her up by the throat, careful not to hurt her or restrict her air intake - I mean, how else was he supposed to carry her so he wouldn't hurt her with his metal head or sword? - and it was pretty clear she didn't feel any malevolence from him, as she clinged on his forearm, trying to keep herself up, only to be dumped on top of the hatch, as the killer pointed towards it, so she would leave.

"O-Oh...! Thank you so much! You're really kind! I really appreciate this...I-I know it probably doesn't matter much to you, since you'll be doing this over and over again with all the survivors...But I really appreciate you for your kind gesture, and I appreciate you for being so nice with me. Thank you. Take care!" her dazzling smile lit the whole place up, but he couldn't talk, nor could he tell her how he should be the one thanking her for showing him that, despite the hundreds and thousands of years he had to roam the 'Earth' and execute the injust, miracles still existed.

As soon as she reached the survivor's camp, everyone cheered for her, asking how in the world could she have escaped the wrath of the butcher. "Oh, but he wasn't that bad. In fact, he's much more humane than I anticipated! I think he has a beautiful, blooming heart!" okay, she's lost it - the other survivors thought - but even so, she's always been a bit...Out of it, so who cares?

It took quite a while for the other three survivors to reach the camp, all bloody, in fact, like the new killer, who dragged himself with the same menace to the Killers' camp. "How the hell did you manage to survive?!" they yelled at her in utter shock, seeing that she got out of there unscratched. "Oh, you see...I found the hatch." she shrugged simply, not wanting to give away that the person who massacred those three was a soft one and he basically threw her down the hatch to her safety.

As she took a twig to roast a marshmallows, she noticed how Pyramid Head was standing much farther away from the rest of the killers - She knew that silent killers were bound to stay away from the more obnoxious one, remembering how Michael Myers almost killed Ghostface and The Legion at least a dozen times - But this time...He seemed kinda...Lonely? So Y/N took the matters into her own hands, roasted another marshmallow in another twig, and when it was done, she went to the killer's camp, calling out the lonely one's name - She has no idea why, but he actually followed her, pushing her further deep into the forest, until he was sure nobody was going to hear, see or interrupt them...

"Hey. You seemed pretty lonely out there...I thought you could use a friend. Thank you again for what you did at the trial...Here, this is a marshmallow. I don't think you've had many before...Cheryl told me of that horrible place you had to live in...So I hope this will make your day a bit better!" Y/N extended one of her hands towards him, so he could take the marshmallow - And a long, black tongue erupted from underneath the pyramid, snatching away the fluffy marshmallow and gulping it in one go.

What the hell was he turning into?

A towering man built of pure muscle, wrath and divine justice, with a pyramid representing the evil of humanity burdening his body, and a sword taller and heavier than the average human being constantly dragged in one of his hand...He now was a slave to a cute, innocent girl who was putting flower plasters on his minuscule wounds that would heal in a heartbeat regardless - He saved this girl who was now offering his these soft, squishy things that tasted overly sugarly, just like her upbeat and cheerful personality - If he could eat her, he was sure she would taste even sweeter than this - A sickish kind of sweet, that is.

She was indeed a beautiful angel in this tragic hell. But he didn't wait to snatch the second marshmallow either.

"Ah...! You liked it, didn't you? Well...Next time, I promise I'll give you more!" she grinned at him the same way a princess would to her chivalrous knight who saved her. The since he couldn't talk, silence took over them - It wasn't an uncomfortable one, per se, but it made it feel as if the conversation was over. "W-Well...I'll guess I'll see you around! Take care and I hope to see you again soon!" she waved cutely, trying to turn around back to her camp, only to feel a rough hand on her shoulder, turning her around and urging her to stop and wait for him and he went deep into the forest, leaving her alone and undefended by the potential malevolent forces of the forest.

When he returned, however, he stepped right in front of her, creating the perfect shade as he towered over her - Then he kneeled in front of her, so he would reach her eye sight, then he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and put a beautiful pink flower - As pink as the blush that started creeping on her face - He wanted to see her luminous face better, to highlight her dazzling smile and her glimmering eyes as the warm, silver light of the mother moon caressed her face.

Y/N felt her heart picking up the pace - It was beating so much faster than ever before - But this time, it wasn't out of fear or anything negative...It was something good. Something she never felt in her life, especially with her human acquaintances from back home. None was as chivalrous and gentle with her as this butcher of tormented souls - The bringer of justice, the merciless Executioner who was supposed to end the life of every living being that would cross his path.

It was insane how every Yin finds its Yang, even if that comes in the form of a little lamb of a small, frail girl, and a huge abomination of a brute man who knows nothing but death, bloodshed and carnage. It was truly crazy how opposites attract, and here she was, holding the killers large hands and gingerly putting them on her face, leaning into his touch - She felt safer now than ever in her life - Now, in the arms of an ancient killer.

An Angel and A Demon brought together in a perfect union.

As she leaned down, she touched the metal of the pyramid where she anticipated his forehead would be with her own forehead, and closing her eyes, she finally felt herself calming down. There was no need for words, actions spoke louder than anything, and she appreciated it...She appreciated him.

"Thank you." she whispered to him, knowing that yes, even though nobody else would hear it anyway, it was much more intimate than anything she ever experienced.

She was hooked.

Hope you liked my completely shameless pun, I couldn't stop it, especially after the pain I went through trying to write this...3 freaking times.

Yay.

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

another helping of living w/ bakugou thoughts:

pls i am so sorry, i feel like i bombard y’all with these constantly, but u don’t understand, he literally lives in my brain full time

- if you’re rolling your sleeves up, to wash your hands before dinner, he’ll whack your hands away and do it himself. very much “you’re takin’ too long, idiot. i wanna eat already. let me do it.”,, don’t be fooled tho, you could do it in 2.5 seconds and he’d still open his mouth. bc it has absolutely nothing to do with u and everything to do with him wanting to be close to you

-ik he watches the mha equivalent of the history channel. i just know it. dude is a grandpa at heart, n im so confident he would 100% sit down and watch a 3 hr docu on like, old weaponry or some nerdy shit

-bakugou is annoyingly arrogant, but only about things that don’t matter. like, he’ll fully sit in front of you and tell you he’s stronger/faster/smarter in passing conversation,, but when he does actually impressive shit??? the man clams up. absolutely clams up the second you praise him, trying to brush off whatever ridiculous feat he just pulled to protect u with a “It’s not that big a deal, shut up about it already, dumbass.” 

- pls mans is an absolute simp. u ask him to do something and he’s on his feet in a second. ofc he’s complaining but he’s also then following that up by doing things you didn’t even ask him to do. fan behavior honestly.

-when you’ve had a bad day, he’ll make u food and throw blankets in the dryer for u. don’t expect much verbal comforting from him, bc obviously, but he’s pretty good with actions. you always feel a little warmer after he’s wrapped you in a blanket n fed you something ungodly spicy

- i have absolutely no basis for this but ik he secretly watches kids movies. like, if it’s animated then he’s there. ofc no one is allowed to find out about this ‘embarrassing’ behavior tho, except maybe you. maybe. if you accidentally happen to see it bc he’d never tell u himself.

- he’s a beast to wake up in the morning, but he’s a lot more easy to convince if u pet his hair. or rub his back/shoulders. maybe even kiss his neck. look, u cannot tell me that he doesn’t want to be absolutely coddled in the morning- especially when he can get away with it so easily. 

-bakugou always pulls ur legs into his lap if u sit down next to him. pls he’s so weird, he’ll just like, tap his fingers on ur calves absentmindedly while he’s watching tv

-he probably created a playlist of songs ur ‘allowed’ to play around him. meaning, it’s only the songs on ur phone that he likes 🙄

-bakugou always takes his work phone calls outside. like if his phone rings he’ll just stand up n walk tf out the door to take it. even if it’s cold. u ask him once about it n he just “Work stays at work. This is my fuckin’ home. Now shut up about it already.”

-you’ve never once seen this man wearing socks around the house. don’t ask me, i cannot explain this whatsoever, but i just kno this man walks around constantly barefoot 🤢🤮 unfortunately.

-he’s like, the most functional person ever in almost every aspect, but the stuff katsuki is bad at?? pls he is hopelessly bad. like, lets say art stuff. omg he just doesnt have the patience for it, okay, so say goodbye to any dreams of cute lil couple’s crafts. like, he’ll sit there while u do yours, but his will look like utter shit

- during the week, katsuki is either at work, training, or at home. pls, he works so hard during the day that i highly doubt he’s anything but an absolute homebody during the work week.

- bakugou gets pissy if u re-arrange any of the furniture on a whim. pls he likes comfort and familiarity n if he stubs his toe on the stupid coffee table one more fucking time, he’s going to scream

-its a rare occurance,, especially bc of the crazy hours he works,, but bakugou rlly likes making dinner for u to come home to. he just likes to feel like he’s taking care of u tbh

-he still goes to bed at like 8:30. or thats what u think, but rlly he just goes to sit in your room and have some time to himself for a bit. as much as he loves u, he prob still needs some alone time to recharge

-bakugou takes meticulous care of any plants u have in the house. like he’ll water them on a strict-ass schedule, n preen them when necessary. pls the way he’ll curse them out if they even dare to wilt under his care?? very much “What the hell, you bitch? ‘m doin’ everything fuckin’ perfect! Grow already!”

-katsuki is such a little bitch when he’s sick. he’ll be running like a 103 temp, brain literally melting, and still trying to get up and work out. the only way u can get him to chill the hell out is if u take a nap with him. ofc that means u always get sick too,, but hey- lil sacrifices right??

-he never lets you get the door. like, if there’s a knock n neither of u knows who it could be,, pls he’s on his feet so fast. waving u away n looking thru the keyhole w/ sm suspicion

-he has his spot on the couch, n u will not find him sitting anywhere else. like, that’s his spot. u better pray for anybody who mistakenly takes it

-bakugou doesn’t like dirt or grime, so he won’t allow you or himself, to sit on your bed with clothes that have been outside. like, even if you’re just sitting on top of the covers, he’s gonna throw a fit and demand you change your clothes first bc “No way in hell am I gonna let your dumbass dirty up my bed.”

-katsuki rlly likes when it storms outside. he’ll go sit in front of the window and watch the rain, sipping on a warm drink while he waits for more thunder. 

-living with bakugou is incredibly frustrating, bc he’ll just show up with new skills all of the goddamn time. like you’ll be like, “hmm i’d love to remodel the bathroom someday”,, and the very next weekend bakugou is meticulously re-tiling the bathroom floor by hand, probably also painting the walls in a new color, maybe even installing a new sink just to spruce it up. n then he’ll just present the entirely new, upgraded room with such weird nonchalance that it pisses u off. pls and if you watch him while he does these little projects, with all the weird precision and skill he suddenly gains?? pls you’re sure he must be possessed by the ghost of a craftsman

- when he hangs out with the bakusquad, he’ll drag you along every time. he expects you to sit with him the entire time and act as a social buffer?? basically, someone’ll ask him a question, one he deems stupid and therefore not worth answering, and bakugou will just look at you expectantly. he’ll just stare at you blankly, hardly even blinking until you pick up the slack and answer for him. you call him out on this many times, but it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t change anything. he does this over and over and over again

-bakugou gets really unsettled when you guys fight. like, he can’t sleep and he’s snapping at everybody, and is somehow more aggressive than usual. he always wants to just make up already, but the pride in the way won’t allow it

-he’s a weird stickler about intended furniture functionality?? like, the table is for eating, and the couch is for watching tv, and then only way you’re gonna get him to mix the two is if you ask him rlly rlly nicely

-finally- i have no basis for this one, but ik it in my heart: bakugou has a very intense fight with your thermostat nearly every single day. he swears up and down that it never ‘behaves’ for him, but every time you check it, it’s working perfectly fine

--/-- 

ahahhaa sorry y’all for the super random spam today,, but here were are back to our regularly scheduled bakugou programming,,,, bc idk if it’s obvious ur honor, but i love him

[ladyfogg]

Numbers

Numbers

Fic Summary: You try to get Colin to open up about what’s bothering him to no avail. After days of tension, the two of you are asked to go undercover at the bar where you’re determined to show Colin you want him no matter what. Love Exists Masterpost. The Evans Fics Masterpost.

Fic Rating: 18+

Fic Song: Numbers by The Cab (highly suggest you listen to it!)

Pairing: Colin Zabel/Female Reader

Warnings: Language, Smut, Blow Job

You wake up the next morning earlier than you normally would on your day off. Your body is sore but in the way only Colin can cause. His mood last night had translated into some pretty amazing sex. But even though he clearly needed it, and you were extremely willing, you are also worried.

You don’t need to be a detective to notice that something is bothering him and has been for a while. He was so hard on himself about the informant, you have a sneaking suspicion there was something else. Something he needs to get off his chest. If he is willing to at least.

You roll over to find Colin awake. “Good morning,” you say, curling against his side. “How did you sleep?”

Colin looks at you and you immediately can tell he’s been awake for a while. “Not great.”

Your heart sinks. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

“Usually I’m able to help you sleep.”

You hope your joke will make him laugh. He only smiles and places a kiss on your forehead. “I should get going.”

You frown as he slips out of bed, scouring the floor for his clothes. “You don’t have to rush off. I was going to make us breakfast. Then I thought we could watch a movie or something.”

“Thanks, but I probably should be alone.”

“Colin, what’s going on?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

Normally, you don’t like to push when people pull the “I’m Fine” card but Colin isn’t just a random person. He’s your friend. More than that. You’re not exactly sure what your status is but it sure as hell warrants more than a brush-off.

“I know you’re not,” you say, climbing out of bed. “I know you had a rough stakeout but I feel like this is bigger than that. You don’t have to tell me everything but at least give me something.”

Colin is silent, standing there half-dressed, his brown eyes meeting yours. There are so many emotions passing over his face you lose track. You can tell he wants to speak but seems to be having difficulty getting anything out.

“Did I do something?” you ask. You have to voice the anxiety that had begun to creep up. Your brain has been running through all your previous interactions, trying to see if you messed up somewhere along the line but you’re coming up empty.

“No, oh god, no!” Colin immediately exclaims, reaching for you. His hands take yours and he pulls you down to sit with him on the bed. “Shit. I don’t want to burden you with all my crap. It’s honestly nothing about you or us.”

“Okay, well that makes me feel a little bit better,” you say with a smile. “Whatever is bothering you, I want you to know that you can talk to me. Seriously, about anything. I care about you.”

You reach out to cup his cheek and he exhales slowly at the contact, closing his eyes and laying his hand over yours.

“I care about you too. So much. And I don’t want to screw this up.”

“Why do you think you will?”

He doesn’t answer. With a sigh, he hangs his head and rubs his forehead. You can sense him withdrawing, pulling away, and you don’t want that. But you also don’t want to keep pushing him. From personal experience, you’re well aware of how less likely someone is willing to open up when they’re being badgered.  

“We don’t have to talk about it. I’m not going to force you. But you also don’t have to rush off,” you say in what you hope is a gentle voice.

“I think I just want to be alone right now.”

The words hurt. You try to mask your reaction, try to show him nothing but support, but it’s hard. So fucking hard. He sees the hurt. You know he does.

“Oh. Okay. I understand.” You say it because you do. You get why he would want to be alone, even though the reason behind his actions are a mystery to you.

Colin finishes getting dressed and you throw on a robe so you can walk him to the door. The tension between you two is thick and as you pull him into a hug to say goodbye, you can feel that tension in his body as well.

“I’ll text you,” he says. And then he’s gone.

You’re left standing there, wondering the fuck happened.

Needless to say the rest of your weekend was pretty shit. It takes all your willpower not to inundate Colin’s phone with messages, even though you want to remind him that you’re there if he needs. Whatever he’s going through isn’t going to be made better by you not giving him the space he’s asking for. So, you try to distract yourself with random things around your apartment or spending time with your friends. Not having that connection to Colin is harder than you thought it would be. He has become such an integral part of your life that not having him there hurts.

By the time Monday rolls around, you still haven’t heard from him and have no idea how work is going to go.

You get there early, hoping to catch him on the way in. For thirty grueling minutes, you go about your Monday morning routine, eyes constantly shifting to the door, waiting for him to arrive. When he finally does, you immediately can tell he’s not feeling any better. His jaw is clenched and there are circles under his eyes, almost as if he hasn’t slept very well the last few days.

On a more positive note, he has two coffee mugs in his hand and smiles when he sees you, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Morning,” he says, setting your coffee in front of you.

“Morning,” you respond. “I’ve been worried.”

“I’m sorry. I’m doing okay. Just trying to figure some stuff out.”

You look around but by now, others have started to arrive and you don’t want to get into anything personal. Not just because you don’t want the others to know your business but also because you don’t want to accost Colin first thing of make him feel like he’s being put on the spot.

“Whatever it is, I hope you know that it won’t change how I feel about you,” you tell him in a low voice.

Immediately you can tell that Colin doesn’t believe you. He doesn’t say anything but as he walks by your desk to his office, he leans down to place a kiss on top of your head.

“I hope so,” he says softly.

When he’s this close, you can’t help but inhale his aftershave and the smell of his laundry detergent. Both of which instantly light a fire in your belly and ache for his touch. But his warmth is gone just as quickly as it came and you’re left reaching for someone who is no longer standing next to you.

A few minutes later, Mare arrives, shaking snow off her winter coat. “Morning,” she says but you’re too distracted to hear her or respond. It’s not until she waves a hand in front of your face that you realize she’s even there. “Hey, earth to Junior. You there?”

“Oh, sorry, Mare,” you say with a shake of your head. “How was your weekend?”

“Fine. Heard your first date went well.”

“Yeah.”

When you don’t follow up or say anything else, Mare frowns. “Sorry. When I talked to Zabel he said it was great.”

“No, yeah, it was. It’s just…” You sigh. “Colin’s been weird since the stakeout. Did anything happen?”

“The informant got away and I know Zabel took a tumble. Why did he say something?”

“No. But I think it’s really eating him up inside. He won’t talk to me about it though. He’s kind of shut me out and I don’t know what to do.”

Mare gives you a sympathetic pat on the arm. “I’m sure he’ll come around.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

That’s about as much conversation you get out of Mare about you and Colin. Not that you want to sit there and pour your heart out. But duty calls and you have to force yourself to focus on your work. Colin keeps to himself in his office like usual, except this time his door is closed. You only see him when he and Mare hurry out after learning their informant has been spotted.

Twenty minutes later, they return, leading the man in handcuffs to the interrogation room. There’s a look of pride and determination on Colin’s face and you relax, hoping this victory will help ease his guilt a little. He and Mare spend the next hour and a half questioning the guy, trying to get anything out of him that they can use in their case.

When they eventually emerge, Mare takes the man to his holding cell while Colin finally comes by your desk.

“Congratulations,” you say with a smile. “Glad you guys were able to bring him in.”

“Yeah, me too.” Colin leans against your desk. “He tried to run but we were ready for him this time.”

“He give you anything?”

“Eventually. Hey, can we talk for a second?”

“Yeah, of course!” Your heart flutters with excitement, yet there is a bit of nervousness at his tone.

Colin opens his mouth as if he’s going to speak but before he can, Mare’s voice interrupts.

“I need to see both of you,” she says.

Sharing looks of concern, you and Colin follow her into her office. She shuts the door behind you and says, “Sit.”

You and Colin take the chairs across from her desk. She collapses in hers, rubbing her temples as she does. She looks more exhausted, not necessarily mentally by physically. You can just tell by the way she moves that she hasn’t been sleeping well either.

“I need to ask something of you,” she says. “Our informant gave us a lot of information, some of which needs to be verified.”

“How can I help?” you ask.

“I want you to go in undercover at the club. We got some intel that the owner and some of the employees have been dealing but we need concrete evidence. You’ll wear an earpiece and let us know if you see anything suspicious happening,” Mare says. “We think the owner may be connected to a perp in the other case we’re working but we need more to go on. So far the only connection is drugs. If we can catch money changing hands, we can at least bring the owner in for questioning. Right now all we have is hearsay.”

Before you can answer, Colin straightens in his seat. “We didn’t talk about this,” he says.

“I don’t need to run my plans by you, Zabel.”

“It’s too dangerous. We can’t just send her in there alone.”

“I can handle myself,” you tell him. “If Mare needs me undercover, I’m willing to do it.”

“You’re not a cop,” Colin says. “What if things get physical or someone spots you?”

“Yet again, I can handle myself. And you’re right, I’m not a cop, which is why I’d be perfect for this. If someone sees me, I’m just a single person looking for a good time.”

You see Colin’s jaw twitch at the mention of ‘single’ and there’s a flash of something across his face before it’s gone and he’s looking at Mare. “I can go. Let me do it,” he says.

“I already say I’ll do it,” you tell him.

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Who says I will?”

“He’s dangerous.”

“So?”

Mare raises her hands to silence your bickering. “Enough,” she snaps. “Zabel, I was going to ask you to join her but given that there’s clearly some kind of tension going on, I figured it’d be best if you two stayed separate. If you both think you can handle this, fine. Both of you can go. But whatever conflict you guys have, go figure it out because we have work to do. Just don’t do it in my office.”

She waves you both off. Getting up, you follow Colin into his office. He closes the door behind you but instead of sitting, starts to pace.

“Really great to see how much confidence you have in me,” you say with annoyance. It’s a low blow that you’re not particularly proud of but his reaction in Mare’s office hurt your feelings.

He pauses his pacing to stare at you with wide eyes. “What makes you think I don’t have any confidence in you?”

“Um, maybe because you made it a point to tell Mare how unqualified I am and that I’ll probably get hurt.”

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Then how did you mean it?”

Colin sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “I just…I don’t want you to have to deal with such a dangerous person. I don’t want to fail you.”

“Why do you think you will?”

Again you sense that hesitation, see him holding back from saying something. “Look, I know I said I wasn’t going to push, but now I’m pushing,” you say. “It was fine when you needed space but it’s affecting our work. Just please, tell me what’s going on.”

Colin crosses the room and takes your hands. “I’m worried about letting you down. If you go to the club, I’m going to want to protect you and I don’t know if I can.”

“I’m not asking you to,” you say. “I don’t need protection. But more importantly, why do you think you’re going to let me down?”

“I just know I will.”

You pull him into a hug. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, or why you have it in your head that you’re going to disappoint me, but you never could. Colin, whatever is happening between us is deep and real. I’m serious about this, about us. I want us to be together but not if it’s going to bring you anxiety.”

Colin wraps his arms around you and hugs you back, tightly. He buries his face in your shoulder and takes several deep, calming breaths before pulling away. “I have something to tell you,” he says. “I just don’t know how you’re going to take it.”

“Are you a murderer?”

“What? No!”

“Did you physically hurt anyone?”

“No, why are you—”

“Are you cheating on someone with me?”

“Of course not, I—”

“Then whatever you have to tell me, I’m sure I’ll take it just fine.”

Colin processes your reaction and it makes him smirk a little. “Okay, alright,” he says. He pauses, struggling to find the right words. “I didn’t solve the case.”

“What case?”

“The case.”

It takes you several seconds to connect the dots and understand what he’s saying. When it finally clicks, everything suddenly makes a bunch of sense. “It’s that what this is about? You think I won’t like you anymore because you didn’t solve some case?”

“It wasn’t just some case, it was a big one. One that I took credit and am widely known for. I don’t deserve the award or accolades. I’m a fraud.”

“Fraud is a pretty harsh word. Wait, but if you didn’t solve the case then who did?”

“A private investigator that was hired figured it out. He tried to talk to me a few times about it but I ignored him. He ended up passing away and I found his notes, realized he had solved it and ended up making the arrest. One thing led to another and before I knew it, everyone was calling me a hero.”

You can physically see how much this has weighed on him and the fear in his eyes. The fear of your rejection, of you turning your back on him and telling everyone his secret.

“Oh, babe.” You hug him again. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Oh yeah, there’s a great first date conversation starter.”

“Okay, fair point.” You pull away and put your hand on his cheek. “It doesn’t matter to me if you solved that case or not. I like you not your reputation.”

Colin kisses you. You’re very aware that his blinds aren’t closed and that if anyone looks they will very clearly see you two. But that doesn’t matter. You’re just so happy to have him touching you and the way his body releases all that tension makes your own relax. When he draws back, he’s smiling.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Oh shut up and kiss me again.”

Before he can, you hear a banging on the window and both of you turn to see Mare standing there. “Hey! Cut it out! None of us want to see that.”

Colin laughs and he pulls you against his chest in another hug.

Now that you’ve talked, the rest of the day goes by a lot better. You, Colin, and Mare go over the plan for the evening, coming up with back-ups and contingencies in case things go south. The more time ticks by, the more excited you get. Going undercover isn’t something you’ve done before and it makes you feel like you’re actually contributing to the case. Dealing with paperwork technically is helping but not on the same level as this.

Mare lets you both go early so you can get ready. Once you’re home, you put on your best clubbing outfit, but are careful to pick something that you can feasibly run in should you need to. Around seven, Colin picks you up.

The second you open the door he blurts out, “Holy shit.”

Funny, you were about to say the same thing. Under his open winter coat, you can see that he’s wearing another dark blue button-up, this time with the top buttons undone just enough to see the smooth expanse of his pale neck. He smells fucking amazing as his cologne encircles you when he wraps his arms around your waist.

“You look fucking beautiful,” he says, leaning in.

You kiss him in response, reaching out to lightly trail your fingers down his exposed neck. He shudders when you do.

“You’re coming home with me after this,” you inform him as you step outside your apartment and lock up behind you.

“Looking forward to it.”

In the car, he hands you the earbud you need to wear. Wiring both of you had been discussed but it was decided that the wire was unnecessary and would pick up way too much of the noisy club. At least with the earbud would be discreet and you two would be in constant contact with Mare.

“Before we go, Colin,” you say. “And before we get into ‘work mode’, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Are we exclusive?”

He pauses and raises his eyebrow at you. “I’m not seeing anyone else if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Good. Me neither. I noticed you seemed a little annoyed when I said I was single and I realized we never really defined what this is. I don’t want to see anyone else. Just, wanted to let you know.”

He leans in for another kiss and you happily grant it. “Good. I don’t want to either.”

“Great. Now let’s catch the bad guy so we can come back here and roll around naked.”

Mare is waiting for you two in her car when you pull up to the parking lot. The two of you turn on your earbuds to test them before going in.

“Can you guys hear me okay?” Mare asks.

“Loud and clear,” Colin says. He puts the car in park and the two of you get out.

“Just keep your eyes peeled and let us know what you see,” she goes on as you and Colin walk towards the club, his arm around your waist. “Do what you need to do to blend in. If you see anything going down, let me know. If there are any signs of trouble, Zabel, you get her out of there.”

“Don’t need to tell me twice.”

The moment you step inside, the loud club music blasts your eardrums and the heat from the building and its patrons makes you want to shed your heavy winter coats. You check them into the coatroom before merging in with the crowd. Colin’s arm never leaves your waist, pulling you against his side as you try to maneuver through the throngs of people. You spot the owner by the bar and give Colin a light elbow to get his attention.

Colin silently steers you that way and you snag two stools and the bartender’s attention. Colin orders you drinks and casually leans on the bar top, pretending to be in a conversation with you while also being able to keep his eyes on the owner.

Clubs aren’t really your scene so it takes some effort to look comfortable. It helps that Colin’s there. You keep your focus on him, letting the rest of your surroundings fade into background noise.

“Anything?” you ask.

“Not yet.”

“Shame we have to work. This music is pretty good.”

Drinks are placed in front of both of you and Colin pays with a few bills. “You want to dance?”

Now that he doesn’t have that bulky coat on, you can see that he’s pushed his sleeves up past his elbows. God, he’s fucking gorgeous. You pick up your drink to take a swig, not just for appearances but so you don’t throw yourself at Colin like you want to.

“Can we see him from the dance floor?” you ask.

“If we’re careful.”

“Then lead the way.”

He finishes his drink in one shot before sliding off the stool and pulling you with him. You can feel the bass of the music in your body and when Colin tugs you in close and starts to move with the beat, your body erupts with sensation. After nearly two days of being away from him, now you can’t get close enough. You want to remind him how much he means to you, that you meant every word that you said in the station, and that your opinion of him hasn’t changed.

You make sure your body is flush against his so you can grind against him. His eyes go wide and though you can’t hear his sharp inhale over the loud music, you recognize the way his chest moves quickly as his breathing picks up.

You have eyes only for him, unable to stop staring into his gorgeous brown ones.

“Owner is moving,” he says, his voice cracking as he tries to keep his mind on the task at hand.

You spin around and press your back against his chest, still moving to the music. Your eyes sweep the room in time to see the man in question making his way through the crowd. Off to the side, two men stand at a cocktail table, drinks in hand. They couldn’t look more out of place if they tried. They have drinks but have barely touched them and weren’t even bothering to look like they want to be there.

Colin’s fingers dig into your hips and you can feel the outline of his cock through his jeans as you continue to grind back against him. Smirking to yourself, you reach down to take his hands, forcing them to roam your body while you dance.

You don’t know when you decided to tease him but now that you are, you aren’t going to stop anytime soon. He has to know that you only want his hands on you, that he’s the one that gets your body going in a way no one else has before.

It’s not until you hear him speak again that you remember the true objective of your evening, “Owner is on the move with two bald guys in ripped jeans. The three of them are headed for the door.”

“Hold tight. Will let you know when we got them.”

Colin spins you to face him and it’s your turn to gasp as he yanks you close. His pupils are blown wide and his cheeks are red, the flush spread down to his neck and chest. The way his tongue darts out to lick his dry lips conjures all sorts of dirty images of things you’d rather he do with that tongue.

Now that you don’t have to watch for anyone, his eyes don’t leave yours as the music amps up. And so do the two of you.

The sexual tension is palpable. Both of you can’t keep your hands off each other and even though you’re not kissing, you find yourself panting.

“Owner in custody. Good job, guys,” Mare’s voice cuts through the moment. “We’re headed out. Meet you back at the station in the morning.”

You yank Colin into a harsh kiss.

You grapple each other in the darkened club, teeth clashing in your overexcitement. His mouth is relentless against yours, his tongue shoving past your lips so he can taste you. A second later you pull away, grabbing Colin’s hand and dragging him off the dance floor. It takes a moment to find a secluded spot but once you’re sure no one can see you, you shove Colin against a wall and start to go for his belt.

His eyes go wide and his hands reach out to stop you. ‘What if they hear?’ he mouths, reminding you about the earpieces, which are bound to be able to pick up any heavy breathing. That is if they were still listening.

You yank yours out and make a show of turning it off and putting it in his pocket before you drop to your knees.

Pulling his belt free of the buckle, you see Colin fumble with his own earpiece as he follows your lead. His head falls against the wall when you reach in to touch him. He’s so hard that it sends a thrill of excitement down your spine. You have become intimately familiar with this hardness and how it feels inside you. What you wouldn’t give to ride him right now. But, you’ll have to settle for something quicker.

You take him into your mouth, sucking him down the base in what you hope is a fluid movement. Colin’s hand falls to your head, fingers already digging into your scalp as you start to suck him off.

How could he think you don’t want him? How could he think that one mistake would undo the weeks of pining and emotional connection you two have fostered? Not to mention the physical chemistry between you is off the charts.

Peering up at him, you marvel at the way he looks, his head stretched back, throat twitching as he swallows, eyes shut as he surrenders to the pleasures of your mouth around his cock. His hips move in time with you, thrusting himself in between your lips with hurried desire. You’re going to want more, you’re going to want him inside you. But until you get back home, this will be good enough. You’re aroused and you have to press your thighs together to try to relieve some of the ache.

The head of his cock hits the back of your throat and you try not to gag, especially when you know Colin is loving every second. His head drops forward and he opens his eyes to find you already staring at him. Clearly, he likes what he sees because even though you can’t hear it over the noise of the club, you know he moans. His top teeth dig into his bottom lip when you open your mouth wide and show him the visual of his cock gliding along your tongue.

He comes without warning.

When the first drops hit the back of your throat, you can’t help but moan, swallowing every bit of his release until you feel his cock start to soften.

Only then do you let him fall from your mouth, smirking up at him from where you still kneel. Colin reaches out to stroke your cheek, eyes wide with wonder. His thumb catches a little that you missed but you suck the digit lewdly, not wanting any of him to go to waste.

When you stand up, his gaze of wonder follows you. “Let’s go back to my place,” you say in his ear. “I’m not done with you yet.”

 ---

Series Taglist: @lejardinfleur​ @spidergirlmcu​ @anonymushhy​ @samsassinparvismagna​ @kitwalker64​ @tatestripedsweater​ @xmaximoffic​ @marshmallow--3​ @stellarbound​ @kais-messiahbaby @margaretboothsear @slightlyvicked​ @nia-s-not-so-secret-diary​ @liandav​ @billyhxrgrove​ @TheOriginalDoll87 @tatesimper​ @sanni333​ @spider-starry​ @beautifuldelusion-writer​ @thirstyforevan @godblessthegoths​ @fuckwby​ @marie-catherine​

[sindirimba]

Booker!!

yes!

favorite thing about them i quote this a lot but it’s because it kind of just fits with how i see him: whatever works. i like his adaptability. he’s a forger, he’s the tech guy, he’s the gopher. he struggles with the world he’s been forced into but he still fights, however he can. gun out of ammo? headbutt. can’t kill yourself the old fashioned way? listen to what the CIA guy has to say. his adaptability hurts him but it helps him, too, and it makes him as important a part of the group as all the others.

least favorite thing about them he (and copley) really should have come clean, like, as early as after the killing floor. it was a sloppy plan and it was obvious they both realized this early on, but he just soldiered on through. long term planning isn’t a depressed person’s sharpest skill, i have to say.

favorite line “I felt her die,” okay sorry my favorite quotes keep going back to nile and booker in some way but well, you know. their stories were intimately intertwined in the story, so. i liked the way he said this, and the fact that he was so shaken by his first new immortal dream, how heavily it affected him, the way he grabbed his own neck. amazing.

brOTP well, with joe, of course! but also a little bit, copley? i’d love to find out more about how they got back into contact, how that conversation went, whether they were ever friendly or commiserated about being widowers. maybe they can forge something like a friendship again some day, or maybe not. but i like to think they could.

OTP nile, of course <3 see nile post for my little ramble on them, etc etc.

nOTP again, just like with nile, basically everything. but in particular: andy/booker & joe/nicky/booker. no ty. also, at this point in the fandom, just out of spite, booker/therapy, lol.

random, i don’t ship it at all but i appreciate the booker/copley shippers for the name ‘bopley’ being so fucking hilarious

random headcanon okay most people accept that he’s the tech guy, but i definitely like to think he’s more than that, he’s a nerd. he can code, he got into computers and the internet way early on, he obviously texts just fine, he’ll use emojis with nile and mostly understand what they mean (and when he doesn’t she teases him about it so it’s a win-win), he has a cache somewhere full of old motherboards he’s sentimental about. nerd <3

unpopular opinion this is hard because so many people are so wrong about him in so many ways 😔 and i’ve bitched about most of them. hmm. just plucking randomly out of the giant cauldron of bad booker takes, that he specifically intended to get the others captured and tortured. i mean i feel like it’s obvious that’s not what the plan was, and that it spun rapidly out of his and copley’s control (in a way they should have but didn’t anticipate). but for some reason there’s this persistent hot take that he deliberately was like “(rubbing hands together villanously) bwa ha i can’t wait for joe and nicky (and andy i guess) to be TORTURED i’m gonna love it so HARD”. also that his shooting of andy was like, particularly heinous. was andy headshotting nile attempted murder? stop.

song i associate with them mark lanegan - “borracho”

Here comes the devil prowl around One whiskey for every ghost And I'm sorry for what I've done 'Cause it's me who knows what it cost It breaks and it breeds and it tears you apart It bites and it bleeds And this desert turns to ocean over me

favorite picture of them this is kind of cheating bc it’s two pictures but i had trouble capturing the exact moment so:

that “so about those samples” expression

thank you 🖤 love talking about the best boy

[daenqyu]

promise me | bakugou katsuki

( gif isn’t mine !! credits go to @birds-have-teeth )

pairing: bakugou x fem!reader

genre: angsty fluff

summary: you’re used to dealing with your problems all on your own, but sometimes the weight becomes too heavy. and just when you feel like you’re about to fall, bakugou is always there to steady you back on your feet.

warnings: suicidal thoughts, descriptions of a panic attack, dark thoughts in general

word count: 3.2k

a/n: at first i wasn’t gonna post this because it was more of a comfort fic for me since i’ve been struggling a lot recently and bakugou is my comfort character, but i thought this could make other people feel better too so yeah :)

small disclaimer: this is completely based on my OWN, PERSONAL experience !!!!! if you ever experience suicidal thoughts, please seek help; you’re not alone. and you’re loved. you’re worth it.

IT was too much. you couldn’t handle it. you thought you could and that’s why you decided to not tell anyone, especially not bakugou. he knew about your struggles and burdens; at some point in your relationship you decided you felt comfortable enough to share that part of yourself with him and even tho he couldn’t really understand all of your emotions, he was still very supportive. but of course that didn’t mean you told him everything. sure, you trusted him with your life and you knew he would never judge you, but that wasn’t enough to make the voices in your head go away.

for a while everything seemed to be fine, you had managed to keep yourself distracted enough to not have to be alone with your thoughts. whether it was hanging out with friends, going on dates with bakugou, or watching tv shows, you were always busy with something. but there’s only so much one can do to stop themselves from thinking, or in your case, overthinking.

the nights were the worst. normally you’d watch random videos until your eyes started hurting from the brightness of you phone and then go to bed, but there were times when even that wasn’t enough. when not even heavy metal songs could be as loud as your dark thoughts, and they only seemed to intensify the more you tried to push them away. you tossed and turned on bed in hopes of eventually tiring yourself out, yet you ended up sitting on the mattress with hot tears streaming down your cheeks as you tried your best to catch your breathing.

all the emotions you suppressed for months now suddenly came crashing down on you, forcing you to face your inner demons and making you realize just how not okay you were. you couldn’t quite pinpoint what was bothering you so much; it was everything, yet nothing at the same time. it was about you, but also everyone else in your life. it was about not knowing who you were, about losing yourself and not really knowing what you were doing with your life. it was about thinking you were a failure, yet better than most people. it was confusing. and it was eating you alive.

your hands tugged at your hair so tight a part of you was afraid you were gonna rip it off and your chin rested on your knees as you brought them up to your chest in a feeble attempt to hug yourself.

this always happens. stop making such a big deal about it. why are you even crying? you’re so ungrateful. such an attention seeker. completely pathetic. why is bakugou even dating you? he might as well leave you for someone better. prettier. smarter.

loud sobs left your mouth as your thoughts mentally destroyed you, your insecurities getting the best of you. but it was more than that. this wasn’t just about not feeling good enough or thinking you didn’t deserve your boyfriend. it was about thinking you would be better off. after all you were just a bother, right? you would be doing everyone a favor if you just fucking did it, but you couldn’t. you wouldn’t. because you were scared. because you were a coward.

at some point it became too much, you could barely even breathe and your chest was hurting, or maybe it was your heart, along with your head, which’s pounding had become almost unbearable. your eyes burned from all the crying and you could feel the puffiness beginning to form around them. with trembling hands and blurry vision, you took your phone in your hands and dialed the only person you knew was capable of helping you in a situation like this.

the blonde haired boy groaned when he heard his phone ringing from the nightstand next to his bed. he rubbed his eyes before mentally insulting whoever was calling him so fucking late at night, but just as he was about to start screaming onto the phone’s speaker, he saw your name flash across the screen and his whole expression changed in less that a second. because you were his exception to everything. 

“y/n? do you know what fucking time it is? this better be-” he didn’t get to finish his sentence when a sob coming from your end interrupted him. suddenly he was up and about, his eyes widening as he sat on his bed, all the sleepiness he felt moments ago disappearing at the heartbreaking sound. “are you- are you crying?”

“k-katsuki,” he cringed, hating the way your voice sounded so broken and not like your usual self. and while he didn’t know what was going on exactly, he had a pretty good idea.

“i’m here,” he tried to assure you, but he hated how your sobs only got louder after that. “what happened? are you okay?”

“no. it’s bad,” you couldn’t bring yourself to lie to him, not when you needed him the most. “i’m s-sorry for calling you so late, i-”

“you don’t have to apologize. i wasn’t that tired anyways,” he bit his lower lip, debating on what he should do next. “do you want me to come over?”

“yes,” you didn’t even hesitate; it almost sounded like you were begging and bakugou could feel his breath hitching in his throat for a moment. “please, i need you.” that was all he needed to hear before he hung up, throwing the phone on his desk as he hurriedly put on whatever shirt he had laying around, not bothering to put shoes on. he didn’t have time to think about some stupid footwear. he stumbled while running towards your dorm room, not giving a fuck about how loud his steps were or if he could wake up his classmates.

much to his luck, your room wasn’t that far away from his so he got there in less than two minutes. he could feel his heart hammering against his chest as his hand gripped the door’s knob, but he didn’t waste any time before turning it around and letting himself inside. the sight before his eyes made something inside bakugou break. you were sitting down on the floor with your knees up to your chest, hands clutching your head tightly as choked sobs kept leaving your mouth. and he hated it. he hated it because he knew exactly how you felt; the same way he felt every night when he was alone in the confines of his room and his thoughts were the only thing keeping him company.

you hadn’t noticed him, too focused on trying not to pass out, so he made his way over to you slowly in order to not startle you. he kneeled down in front of you, quickly recalling the website he had read a few days ago that talked about what to do when a person was having a panic attack. his hand gently touched your shoulder, careful not to scare you, and while you still flinched at the sudden touch, your expression somewhat softened after seeing it was none other than your boyfriend.

“hey beautiful,” he smiled softly at you, or at least tried his best since all he wanted to do was scream and fight someone. because you didn’t deserve this. someone as kind as you didn’t deserve to go through all this shit. “can you hear me?” you nodded, tears still running down your cheeks and your whole body trembling. “good, now let’s take a few deep breaths,” he inhaled deeply before exhaling, wanting you to repeat his actions and you tried. your hands stopped gripping your scalp, instead opting for bakugou’s arms, which were at each side of you as they held onto your shoulders. “you’re doing great, just focus on me okay? only me.” you nodded once again, still trying to ease your breathing pattern as you stared into his beautiful vermilion eyes, the ones that always managed to intimidate you (in a good way of course).

after a few more minutes of breathing exercises, you managed to stop the pants that came out of your mouth, but tears still ran down your cheeks as the thoughts never ceased, perhaps getting louder and louder with every passing second. you wanted nothing more than to close your eyes and curl yourself into a ball, but you knew that wasn’t gonna solve anything. so you kept holding on to your boyfriend’s arms, as if he was the only thing holding you down to earth.

this better fucking work, bakugou thought to himself before he spoke up again, “y/n, can you tell me five things you can see?”

“you,” talking was still hard, yet you forced yourself to look around the room and answer his question correctly. “my p-phone, the desk, d-dirty laundry, and,” all this thinking made the pounding in your head worse, but at least you weren’t focusing on the voices. “my stuffed t-teddy bear.”

“hm, four things you can touch?” one of his hands tenderly gripped your shoulder, his eyes never leaving yours.

“y-you, your shirt, the c-carpet, and m-my pj’s.” the dizziness in your head started to come to a halt and you sniffled, thankful that bakugou was able to make things better. like always.

“that’s it, you’re doing so well. now three things you can hear?” his head turned around to leave an innocent kiss on the skin of your forearm, his gaze still focused on your face.

“your voice, t-the rain, and the air conditioner.” the feeling of bakugou’s lips made you come back to your senses slowly but surely. now your hands were the only thing trembling, not your whole body.

“you’re almost there baby, two things you can smell?”

“my diffuser and your perfume,” a small smile made its way to your lips as you breathed in his scent, letting out a pleasant sigh as the smell filled your nostrils. “caramel.”

bakugou scoffed, a soft blush splashed across his cheeks as he looked away from you for a moment.

“one thing you can taste?”

you took in a deep breath, not really knowing what to answer until you licked your lips and tasted the familiar sweetness of your chapstick, “cherry.” your grip on bakugou’s arm loosened, but still lingered there. he let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in, feeling a big weight off his shoulders knowing you could breathe properly again, but he was still bothered by the situation.

“dumbass, don’t ever scare me like that again.” his words were rather rough yet you knew he meant no harm, you knew he was genuinely scared for your well being and that was just his way of voicing out his concern.

“i’m sorry.”

“what did i tell you about apologizing all the damn time?” he groaned, letting his arms fall to his sides as your hands came up to wipe your remaining tears away. you sent him an apologetic smile before sighing, squeezing your eyes shut as you tried to wrap your head around everything that happened.

meanwhile, bakugou stared intently at you, wondering whether or nor he should ask what caused the sudden outburst. he didn’t want to make you feel worse, but if he knew you like he thought he did (which he does), you’d probably end up bottling everything inside until you had another breakdown. and he’ll be damned if he ever let’s that happen again.

silently, he crawled towards you. and once he was close enough, he positioned himself behind you so you could sit on his lap and you happily complied. you cuddled your face against his warm chest, enjoying the comfort it provided, and bakugou placed his chin on top of your head, keeping you close to him. you stayed like that for a few minutes, just basking in each other’s presence, but in reality bakugou was just giving you some more time to calm down before pestering you with questions that could possibly overwhelm you.

“you want to talk about it?” he was still keeping his tone low and gentle; anyone who heard him would’ve been extremely confused by his sudden change in demeanor. because he could be a lot of things, but gentle was not one of them. then again, you were his exception. you were different.

“i...don’t know,” your hands played with the hem of his black tank top, eyebrows furrowed together as you tried to find the right words to describe your internal turmoil. “it’s just...everything piling up and never knowing what to do,” bakugou leaned down to place a kiss on your temple, quietly letting you know that he wasn’t going anywhere, and somehow, that made you want to cry all over again. “you know when you get really tired of yourself and your life?” he hesitantly nodded, not knowing where you were going with this. “well i feel like that everyday. a-and sometimes i think it would all be better if i disappeared.”

it took him approximately 5 seconds to get what you exactly meant by disappearing, but when he did boy was he mad. his eyebrows furrowed and his grip on you tightened, an annoyed, yet concerned expression evident on his face. how could you say that? you were his everything, the only one who could calm him down, the one who made him smile by just breathing; his light. he wouldn’t know what to do without you, hell he didn’t even want to imagine it.

“you’re such an idiot,” a smile tugged your lips at his harsh choice of words, the complete opposite of the hold he had on you. “you listen to me because you know how much i hate repeating myself,” one of his hands grabbed your chin softly, yet firmly as he tilted your head to make you look at him directly. “feeling like this is not your fault. i know that it’s easier to blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in your life, trust me, i know. but there are things in life that we just can’t control and most definitely aren’t responsible for.”

you scoffed, “well you’re one to talk.”

“tch, such a smartass, aren’t you?” bakugou rolled his eyes at your remark. “that’s exactly why i’m telling you all this, dumbass. because i don’t want you to go through what i did, especially when you have me by your side to help you.” your eyes widened at his sweet confession, gaze softening at the boy in front of you. he avoided it, looking to the side with rosy cheeks.

“katsuki…” you lowered your voice, lifting your hand to place it on bakugou’s cheek and your heart jumped when he looked at you. his eyes reflected nothing but pure love and adoration, and you were sure yours were the exact same. without saying another word, you kissed him softly, fingers caressing his soft skin. the kiss was short and innocent, but it made bakugou smile ever so slightly.

“let me finish,” he said once you pulled away and the determination in his voice made you nod, knowing he needed to say whatever was on his mind. “i know there’s nothing i can do to make your pain disappear or for you to change your mindset because that’s not how it works. but i am and will always be here for you. i don’t give a shit if you think you’re gonna bother me or if it’s late or if you think it’s something stupid, you just tell me. and if the thoughts continue then maybe we can even get a professional to help you, but please don’t give up on me.” the crack in his voice at the end of his sentence made your heart stutter.

both of your hands cradled bakugou’s face, your eyes desperately looking for his once again. when he finally looked at you, you saw the tears threatening to fall from his eyes and how hard he was trying to hold himself back from breaking down. he needed to be strong. he couldn’t be weak in front of you. you were the one who needed to be comforted, not him. so with those thoughts in mind, bakugou sniffled and roughly wiped the unshed tears away. but you didn’t move from your place.

“so promise me,” he pulled you impossibly close, your faces barely inches apart. “promise me you won’t give up, that you’ll fight and be stronger than your demons because you fucking are. you’re so much stronger than you think, shit you’re probably stronger than me!” your eyes widened, surprised he even said something like that, but knowing he 100% meant it. because bakugou didn’t lie. “promise me.”

you nodded multiple times, taking out your pinky to show him you were serious about this. and while bakugou thought you couldn’t be any more childish, he still grinned and interlaced his own pinky with yours, “i promise.”

“good, now let’s sleep because i’m tired as fuck.” you rolled your eyes at the sudden change in attitude.

“knew it was too good to be true.” he raised an eyebrow at your comment, standing up to lay down on your bed, the soft sheets welcoming him with your scent. 

“the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

“nothing, let’s just sleep.” you sent him a smile before laying down next to him, his arms quickly wrapping themselves around your waist to pull you even closer.

you turned around in his hold to properly look at him. his head rested comfortably against the pillow, his hair messy and sticking up in all different directions, while his eyes lazily looked over at you. he looked angelic, ethereal even. without thinking it twice, you ran one of your hands through his hair, giggling when he let out a happy hum and gripped your hips, as if telling you to keep going. he looked so pretty, lips slightly pouty as he forced himself to stay awake for a little longer. at least until you fell asleep. 

“wanna know something really cheesy?” he sounded tired and you felt bad for keeping him awake so late when he probably had a long day. nevertheless, you hummed and continued to comb your fingers through his hair. “you’re fucking amazing. absolutely mesmerizing,” bakugou opened his eyes to look at you better, a small smile tugging his lips upwards as he saw your flushed expression, trying to look away from him, but he didn’t let you. “i love you, y/n.”

he’s said it before, and you should be used to it by now, but it never fails to make you heat up and feel all fuzzy inside. bakugou looks so serious, because he wants you to know he truly means it, yet so soft at the same time and you know this isn’t easy for him. he doesn’t like showing his vulnerable side to people, thinking it makes him weak, so to have him open up to you and declare his love for you so openly makes you feel special. because you’re the only one who knows this side of him. 

“i love you more, katsuki.” another genuine smile grazes bakugou’s lips after hearing you call him by his first name, your voice sweet like honey.

he presses a kiss on your forehead as he lets you snuggle up against him, “go to sleep, i’ll be here when you wake up.” 

that night, you slept peacefully, knowing you’re safe in bakugou’s arms. you don’t know what tomorrow or any other day holds for you, but if you have him by your side, you know you can overcome anything. 

[thismaydestroyme]

Little Did I Know

Summary: In this short story Harry is famous, and he moved into a town during the summer to relax and potentially write some new songs for his upcoming album. I’m not sure if I’ll include some song lyrics, but if I do, I will take a piece of a lyric from a different song and pretend it’s his. 

Word Count: 2,272

“Sweetie, can you walk Cosmo?” Y/N hears her mom shouting from downstairs. 

“Yes, mom!” She says.  

Y/N is on her bed with her headphones on due to having a neighbor who’s living across her street who just moved in. For the past weeks there’s been a lot of moving trunks and ruckus because there’s a musician living among them. 

Y/N is a 21 year old girl who wants to be part of the music industry, but she doesn’t know shit. All she knows is that she loves music, and music is part of her. It was her dad that introduced her to music, like music that was before her time. Like Billie Holiday, Frank Sintra, The Rolling Stone, Queen, Otis Redding, Nirvana, The Knack, Elton John, The Doors, The Clash and so many more. That’s all she knew and all she wanted was to find a way to have that without having to know how to play the instruments, knowing how to sing. She simply just wants to go wherever the music takes her. 

She finally drags herself out of bed and starts putting on her sneaker and throwing on an oversized hoodie. She swaps her earbuds to her airpods and off to walk her dog. 

She walks down the stairs heavily which alerts her mother, and before she gets to the last step her mother hands her Cosmo’s leash. 

“Ugh. Couldn't you do - sorry mom.” She reaches for the leash that’s in her mom’s hand. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, darling.” She says giving her daughter a peck on her left cheek. 

Y/N bends over to put the leash on Cosmo’s neck, which Cosmo gives her a lick on her face. Y/N loves this dog of hers. He provides her safety and security, which she needs because let’s just say she has a breakdown every couple of days. 

Y/N stands back up and gives Cosmo a nice tug so he knows he’s ready for his next adventure. By adventure it means walking around the block she’s been doing for the past three years since Y/N got him. 

It’s around 3 o’clock which means the summer heat is hitting hard right about now. But it’s too hot to harm Cosmo in any way. Cosmo is the love of Y/N life. 

Cosmo and Y/N went on their typical route which they go past their new neighbor's house. Y/N realizes the new neighbor door is a jar, and she can smell bacon, which isn’t good for Cosmo because he’ll tend to escape and run towards the delicious smell he knows so much about. To Y/N not so surprise Cosmo started tugging on his leash that has Y/N being yanked and pulled. 

“Cosmo. Stop it right now!” Y/N shouts to Cosmo which she knows that wouldn’t help a damn thing. When he has something in mind there’s no stopping him. Cosmo has to be on something because it’s like he’s on some x game mode. Y/N starts tripping on her own feet and losing her own balance. 

They were running in the middle of streets when they received some honks and screams at fellow drivers on the road. Which Y/N give them a nice finger and simple “fuck off.” Y/N let’s go Cosmo leash because she isn’t in the mood to eat shit, so when she felt safe nothing could happen to Cosmo she let him go.

Cosmo went straight towards the slight jar front door, which I had to pick up my steps. Before Y/N could even be on the same street as the house, the new neighbor came out his house, holding Cosmo’s leash quite aggressively which had Y/N switch her mode to attack mode. 

“Hey, what the fuck? you didn’t have to pull him like that?” Y/N says aggressively while walking towards the house, when she gets in a hand reach, she pulls the leash so the neighbor doesn’t have his grubby hand on the leash. 

Oh you want to know Y/N neighbor? It happily to be Harry Styles. Forgot to include that in, sorry. 

“Are you getting mad at me? your dog happened to be in my house without any guardian. Your dog jumped on my couch, which I’m not too fond of. So anyone here who should be a little bit bitchy, it should be me.” Harry says hostile. He’s wearing a wife beater shirt that has his arms tattoos on display. For his lower part he’s wearing a nice black booty short which shows off that magnificent tiger tattoo. “Are you just going to stand there?” He snaps back. 

Y/N brought her eyes back to him which Y/N doesn’t approve of his tone. Y/N scuffs and rolls her eyes to the back of her head. “Sorry for your inconvenience. Enjoy the rest of your day.” Y/N plants a fake smile on her face. “C’mon Cosmo, let’s go, but this time I'm walking you.“ Y/N whispers to Cosmo while turning around to continue their walk with a small intermission they encountered. After a couple of steps Y/N turned her head around and when she did Harry was still standing there with annoyance on his face, which Y/N turned her head back around. 

“He’s going to be fun.” 

***

It took Y/N twenty minutes to walk her dog today. She wanted Cosmo to enjoy himself which he did because he saw a lot of squirrels today, and on top of that she didn’t want to ‘run’ into Harry again. Y/N should be excited to have a big celebrity living among them, and hopefully she could get reinspired about her future, but unfortunately that isn’t the case. Probably Harry is just having a bad day, and last year and the beginning of this year he had a lot of things going on. He’s officially a grammy winner, he filmed two movies, his latest album Fine Line has been doing phenomenally well, he was the first male to have appeared solo on Vogue magazine,  he was announced Hitmaker of the year, and so many more. So maybe he just needed to get his energy back, which Y/N understood. But man, it really had to be their first impression. 

When Y/N and Cosmo took a turn to walk to their front door, Y/N couldn’t help but to look across the street to see if Harry was there or not. Surprisingly he was, and he’s looking right at her. Y/N looked at his lips while he blew out a smoke. Fuck, he smokes?! 

Y/N doesn’t understand why he’s looking at her, but she doesn’t give a shit because the way he’s looking at her was his way of trying to figure her out. Whatever that fucking means. 

She broke eye contact and flipped her head around to her front door. She starts digging her hand in her pocket to fetch her keys out. Cosmo starts barking because the keys jiggles so he thought it was a new toy. “Oh you hash it.” She got the keys and shove it in the lock. Thank god, her mother didn’t lock the top of the door. 

The door finally releases and Cosmo immediately runs through, probably heading to his water bowl. “Thanks sweetie for walking Cosmo for me.” Y/N hears her mom in the kitchen probably smothering Cosmo. “Yep. I would say anytime, but I would be lying.” She says while walking up the stairs to head to her room. “Fuck off.” Her mother giggles. “I love you too.” That was the last thing Y/N said before she shut her door.

Y/N takes off her beat up vans and soon after plops on her unmade bed. Y/N stared at the few holes on the ceiling due to having a young Leonardo DiCaprio poster on her ceiling when she was younger. Young Leo hits different. 

Y/N couldn’t help it, but her brain went back to her small and rough interaction with Harry. She wished she met him on a  better note, but fuck it. But how could she move on from him? She’s a fan of his music and his viewpoint on the world. He’s a man of few word, but when he does talk, it’s fucking loud and impactful. He’s the main reason she took a few steps back off of social media. She’s barely on it, but when she does go on it, she isn’t on there for long like she used to. 

An hour went by and her mother started knocking on her door and then she came in. “You know mother, the purpose of knocking is to see if you're welcome to enter the space.” Y/N says nonchalantly sitting up to see her mother, but at the same time trying to hold in her laugh. 

“Well, if you want to contribute to paying the bills, I’ll happily reconsider waiting to be called on.” Her mother threw back. “Nope. You’re good.” Y/N says shaking her head. 

“Mmmmhh. Well, I’m going to hang out with the girls from work. Do you want me to make you something before I go?” That’s one thing Y/N loves about her mother, she is so selfless and she always makes sure I’m good before she wants to do something for herself. 

“I’m good. Enjoy your night.” Y/N gave her mom a smile to know she’ll be alright. “If you’re sure, then I’m off,” Her mom says all happily. “If you need anything just text me. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Y/N got up to give her mom a nice, strong hug. “love you.” Y/N whispers. “Love you more beautiful.” We pull back and she’s off to the race. 

Y/N walks to her window to pull the blind. She sometimes likes looking out her window and just stares off into space. Something about watching people live their life comforts her. She loves people watching. 

Y/N found herself mumbling some words, while people watching, but she couldn’t help but stop her little rampage. Y/N feels heavy and she’s unable to even grasp the concept, so when she starts feeling that way she tends to start saying random things. It could be something she could use in the future. To make sure she doesn’t forget she whip out her phone to go to the notes app where she has a folder filled with random words and sentences. There are things in there that could potentially be useful like, “More or less a painful experience. Only ever real if you're delirious. the summer before you,” “I think you're gonna be my biggest fan.” So on and so forth. That’s what the folder is filled with fragments and potentially some song lyrics. 

Y/N tossed her phone to her bed, and left her phone to bother Cosmo downstairs. Y/N loves that sucker. Before Y/N could even smother him with love, he’s currently sleeping on his bed in the corner of the living room. 

Fucking great. 

Y/N just wanted something to do, and her damn dog couldn’t give her that. She looks at the clock on the wall in the living room and it’s currently 6 almost to be seven. Y/N could go upstairs and ask one of her friends to hangout, but she doesn’t want that. The best alternative could be taking a walk and seeing where her feet take her. She likes that option better, so she quietly went upstairs so she doesn’t wake up Cosmo.

Y/N changes her attire to ripped oversized mom jeans, an oversized graphic tee she bought on Depop and once again her infamous black and white vans. She grabs her airpods, and her keys. She’s finally ready for the evening. 

Y/N went back downstairs to check on Cosmo and make sure he has food and water ready for him just in case he wakes up while she’s still gone. When she felt everything was in order she ended straight to the door. 

The weather feels astronomically better than before which had Y/N feel much better with her decision. Y/N isn’t sure if she should take the right or left. If she decides on taking a right she’ll pass Harry’s house, but if she does decide to take a left she wouldn’t. Y/N starts going back and forth, but she decides on going left. 

There was a nice breeze in the summer air, and she’s listening to “I’m a Slave 4 U” by the one and only Britney fucking Spears. “What's practical is logical. What the hell who cares. All I know is I'm so happy. When you're dancing there. I'm a slave 4 U.” Y/N finds herself singing to herself. She’s been walking around aimlessly and rocking out to her songs for about thirty minutes. She’s aware she’s probably creating attention to herself, but she couldn’t find herself to care. Y/N is enjoying herself. 

“I’m a SLAVE FOR YOU!” Y/N shouts out with her eyes pinch shut, when she finally opens them she finds herself in front of Harry’s house. The worst part wasn't that she was walking in a circle. It wasn’t that she belted out to her songs. It wasn’t she was flinging her body around like she was the balloon thingy at the cars dealership shop. Nope. None of those. 

The worst fucking part is, Harry Fucking Styles is currently outside watching her. Fucking watching her. Once again fucking smoking. Again.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

still want that, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader, ex-yoongi x reader

summary: Fucking Min Yoongi ex-girlfriend? A terrible idea. Being hopelessly in love with her at the same time? An even worse idea. Knowing he was being used and still doing it anyway? Ah, Jeon Jungkook, what are you doing?

warnings: rated M (18+) for language, angst, a whole lot of pining; smut (fem reader, m and f-receiving oral, doggy, mentions of cowgirl, penetrative sex); a whole lot of feels; non-idol!AU; Jungkook’s POV; ex-boyfriend Yoongi is not very nice, oof

‘savage love’ is Jungkook/reader smut after she’s freshly broken up. pretty much just based on the song, lol the original one-shot is less than 3k words and this is a little over 6k XD

--

Two weeks later, Jeon Jungkook witnessed another woman crawling into Min Yoongi’s lap.

She was wearing a tight dress and high heels, with an awfully familiar face shape. Jungkook knew this because the same face shape had blown him two weeks earlier. This woman’s lips weren’t as nice though. Her eyes weren’t as pretty and she didn’t laugh the way Jungkook liked. He watched her speaking to Yoongi, his bored expression indicating he had no interest, but he was letting it happen because it was attention and Yoongi wanted attention. That’s why he finally emerged from the cave that was his apartment anyway.

Jungkook couldn’t believe Yoongi wasn’t even trying to win her back.

In fact, it made him furious.

He looked away, turning back to Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin’s bickering over… nothing really. They sort of bickered like an old married couple and then the conversation eventually turned into one of them agreeing with the other and they made up. Usually because they would say the same thing at the same time and then be amazed, even though it happened all the time.

Sometimes, Jungkook felt like a third wheel in this soulmate energy.

Most of the time, Jungkook would be out on the floor, finding someone to spend the night with. But it didn’t feel right anymore. She hadn’t contacted him since that day and yet Jungkook didn’t care. He couldn’t think about anyone else. He knew it was stupid. He knew he should let it go, because she obviously was just doing whatever and whoever she wanted, but he didn’t care.

He just kept waiting for her to come back to him.

She did promise.

She was still Yoongi’s ex-girlfriend and Jungkook knew he shouldn’t even try because they were still friends, no matter how annoyed he was with Yoongi’s behavior right now. Bros before hoes.

Or whatever.

He suddenly felt a hand slip onto his shoulder, up his neck, cupping his cheek. Jungkook jumped, turning his head. Short black pleated skirt. Tight little white top. Silver studded black leather jacket. The same teasing, cocked eyebrow, the one that belonged to the very person he had just been thinking about. His eyes widened. She leaned down, eyes shifting to her right. Staring at Yoongi. Of course, she was staring at Yoongi.

She pressed her lips to his, sliding her tongue into his mouth, making him breathless within seconds. Holding his jaw, inhaling his scent, almost as if they were lovers, almost as if he was the only one, almost as if she saved this kiss just for him.

Jungkook knew it wasn’t true, but he still wanted the kiss anyway.

She broke the kiss, releasing his face. Her eyes lingered on his, only for a second, before she smirked and turned around, walking back into the crowd.

“Jungkook!”

He started, lips still tingling, jerking his head around to face Jimin and Taehyung, who were staring at him, shocked. Oh right. They didn’t know they fucked.

“That’s Yoongi-hyung’s ex!” Jimin scolded.

Jungkook sputtered. “S-she just walked up t-to me–”

He turned around, seeing Yoongi’s vicious scowl, shoving the other woman away from him. Jungkook threw up his hands, shaking his head furiously. He snapped back to Jimin and Taehyung.

“I swear, guys, I don’t know why she did that–”

“Jungkook.”

He froze. The ice-cold snarl came from behind him. He swallowed, turning around slowly. Yoongi looked furious. Violently furious. Jungkook hadn’t answered his phone that time when she was in his apartment, completely ignoring the multiple calls from Yoongi and his friends. It wasn’t that uncharacteristic for him to ignore calls. And besides, it wasn’t Yoongi’s business anymore, right?

Yoongi’s black hair shrouded his eyes, making them darker than usual.

“The fuck was that?”

Jungkook opened his mouth, but a cool, calm voice answered for him.

“It was none of your fucking business, Yoongi.”

She appeared, holding a shot glass. Probably whiskey, a habit she had picked up from her ex-boyfriend. The former lovers stared each other down, far too uncomfortable for anyone else in the room. Yoongi narrowed his eyes at her.

“I think it is my fucking business.”

She took a sip of her whiskey, shifting her weight to one hip. “What was it that you said again?” She pretended to think. “Oh, right. That I would fuck anything that walked, isn’t that it?” She drowned the whole glass, slamming it onto the table Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook were staring. Everyone was staring now, music still blaring.

“Guess what? Jungkook’s got legs and I’m going to fuck him.”

She crossed her arms, looking Yoongi up and down, disdain in her eyes.

“Or maybe I already have and you just don’t know it yet.”

Yoongi stiffened, glaring at her. “I was right about you.”

She glared back, just as icily. “Ah, but I had the decency to wait until things were over between us, unlike you. And,” she continued, eyes flickering to the woman who was all over Yoongi moments earlier and then to Jungkook, smirk growing on her lips. “The people I choose to lip-lock with are way hotter than your choices.”

And with that, she reached over and grabbed Jungkook’s hand, yanking him out of his seat. Jungkook stumbled, his long hair falling onto his face, hand trapped in her tight grip.

“Jungkook, don’t,” Taehyung warned.

He turned around to see Yoongi’s face, the hurt evident in his eyes despite his pointed scowl. Yoongi turned away quickly, scoffing.

“I don’t give a fuck,” he spat.

“You never did,” she shot back, dragging Jungkook away.

-

“Shouldn’t you–”

She slammed him against her car, kissing him hungrily, desperately, clearly upset. Jungkook gasped, feeling her hands all over his white shirt, thighs pressed against his black slacks. She smelled strongly of cheery perfume and whiskey. His body reacted immediately, hips bucking into hers, moaning into her mouth. If he had resolve, it crumbled instantly with her touch, the way she pressed her fingers into his shirt, holding him close as she nipped at his lips.

He wanted to say, shouldn’t you cool off? Shouldn’t you go home and not do this?

But Jungkook couldn’t, because she was finally in his arms again and he couldn’t help himself, he just kept kissing her, even if he knew she was just doing it to piss Yoongi off. Even if she probably didn’t care about his feelings at all.

She probably didn’t even give two fucks.

Suddenly, she broke the kiss, panting. “Sorry I didn’t talk to you for a while,” she muttered. “Had a… lot on my mind. Didn’t see anyone, really.”

But she gave at least one and that was enough.

“It’s okay,” Jungkook breathed, chest tight. “I understand.”

She nodded. Her eyes searched his face, half-illuminated by the streetlights. He couldn’t quite figure out her expression. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, his jaw, his neck, so many kisses, all over him, making him melt and shudder.

“Wanna make your feel good,” she said against his skin. “Right here, right now.”

“You could simply look at me and I would feel good.”

She paused, lips hovering over his skin. Hands still on his waist, holding him close. Jungkook leaned down, kissing her ear softly. Her nails dug into his shirt, scraping his back a little. He whined pleadingly, his hands coming up to hold her hips, pressing them against his crotch.

“Do whatever you want,” he whispered into her ear. “Please.”

He didn’t care that he was in some random parking lot. He didn’t care that Jimin, Taehyung, or even Yoongi could run out and yell at him at any time, telling him to stop. She could have picked anyone but she picked him, even if only for tonight, and he still wanted it, knowing it was definitely not fair.

Jungkook really, really didn’t care.

“Okay,” she finally said. “But I changed my mind.”

His heart stopped.

“Gonna take you home and fuck you there instead.”

-

Her hands curled in his long hair, hips to his, dry humping him on his own fucking bed. He gasped at her roughness, her kisses firm but coy, toying with his lips with her teeth. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he wrenched it out, intending to throw it as far as he could, but she caught his hand.

“Don’t do that,” she chuckled against his lips. “Just turn it off.”

He chewed on his lip and nodded, turning it towards him. Missed calls, multiple messages. He ignored them all, sending the screen to black. She took his phone from him, sliding it under his pillows.

“Jungkook.”

He was panting hard, black curls all over his face from her hands, pupils blown wide in the semi-darkness of his own bedroom.

“You really still want me?”

She said it with a teasing tone. The moonlight reflected off of her smooth skin, her smirk, her cocked eyebrow. Jungkook couldn’t discern the expression in her eyes. They seemed almost bottomless. And yet those little moments, the way she said his name, the way her fingers tightened around his hand, that smile she gave him before she left the first time.

He held onto those moments tightly.

“Yes.”

She slid down his body, yanking his white shirt out of his pants, pushing it up, lips attaching to his abs, gentle kitten licks setting his skin on fire. Jungkook arched his back, whining, trying to get more of himself into her mouth. Her lips brushed against his skin as she spoke and he drank up every word, becoming drunk with her praise.

“Look at you,” she breathed, undoing his pants, palming him through his underwear. “You’re so fucking hot, Jungkook, you know that?” She pressed her lips against his throbbing cock through the fabric and he moaned her name, desperate for skin-on-skin, caught in her current and following it blindly. She shuddered, breath heating his aching member. “Your voice is so fucking sexy, fuck, I love listening to you moan for me.”

She grabbed the waistband of his underwear and pulled it down his legs, shoving it and his pants down to his knees. For a panicked second, he thought she was going to tease his balls again, but she wrapped her lips around his cock, tongue pressing against the head.

“A-ah, fuck, yes…”

He wished he could sound less pathetic and more in control, but the truth was that he wasn’t, especially as she hummed, lowering her head, the tip of his cock scraping against the roof of her mouth, roughly stimulated and then choked by the back of her throat. He could hear her whimper and he wanted to ask if she was okay, but then she began to move, bobbing her head up and down ferally, hands on his bed. It was like she was ramming his cock into her own mouth, building up speed, saliva slipping out, messy and filthy. And yet the deeper his cock went, the tighter it became, her throat gripping him, almost too much for the sensitive skin of the head.

Jungkook was a gasping mess, confused on how this blowjob was so different from the last one but still just as good, confused as to how there were even different blowjob techniques to begin with, confused to how he never knew about this, how could he ever want another mouth as she ticked her head with each thrust, adding an extra swipe of her tongue to increase the sensation. His eyes rolled back into his head, hands flying up and grabbing his pillows, clutching them as he came, hips rising to fuck her mouth in time with his lengthy moan, feeling saliva drip down his thighs. She tightened her lips at the base of his cock and it throbbed in her mouth, shooting strings of cum into her throat.

She held her mouth there as his body slowly descended, dipping back into the bed. His body felt electrified, shivering with pleasure. Jungkook panted, opening his eyes, not realizing he had shut them when he came. He looked down, feeling her carefully pulling her head back. He gasped as his cock popped out of her mouth, her lips pursed. Her eyes flickered to his.

A small smirk danced on her lips.

Jungkook watched with fascination as her hand came up, lightly holding his cock out of the way. Then her plump lips parted slightly. A thin white stream of cum and saliva dripped down, splattering against his balls, still warm from her mouth, coating them.

Holy fuck.

The act was so dirty that he was breathless. She swallowed the rest before her head dipped down, eyes still on his. Her tongue extended, scooping up the mixture and eating it back up, lapping at his skin with her soft motions. He felt his jaw drop, staring at her holding his cock, licking his own cum off his balls that she had spat out.

“You…”

He couldn’t form any more words. She sucked them clean, shivers running through him as she moaned around them, his name vibrating his own balls. Holy fuck. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. How could Yoongi not want her back? How could Yoongi not want this?

His hyung was a fucking idiot.

She finally rose, stretching out her neck. Her leather jacket slid off her shoulders, pushed aside. Jungkook sat up, feeling the wet spots on his sheets, but not caring as he tugged his shirt off, far too hot anyway. His eyes lingered over her body, watching her pull off the tight white top, the thick fabric releasing her breasts, large nipples already hard and poking out at him. She noticed his gaze, tweaking her nipples at him with her fingers.

“You are the most beautiful woman in the world,” Jungkook whispered softly.

She smirked.

Jungkook knew that he was turning his own world upside-down. He knew none of this was good for his sanity. He knew all of this as he crawled to her, pushing the rest of his clothes down his legs and shoving them off the bed. None of this was fair to him and this was the most savage love he would ever experience, but he wanted nothing else, nothing but her lips on his, still tasting like his salty cum, her hands caressing his body and pulling him close. He gasped as her nipples touched his skin, rubbing her chest against his. He reached under her pleated skirt, yanking her panties down her thighs.

The scent of sex hit him in the face, so strong, so intoxicating, mixing with her cherry perfume, so arousing that he felt his cock twitch, getting hard already, wanting her, needing her. And it was all wrong, remembering the pain in Yoongi’s eyes before he looked away, but she handed Jungkook a condom and he opened it, sliding it over his cock, moaning as he watched her turn around, hooking a finger and twisting her panties, slipping them down her calves and off her feet, tossing them to his floor. Ass in the air, inviting him in.

“Fuck me, Jungkook.” Her voice a breathless plea. “Fuck me like you own me.”

He got to his knees, holding her hips, sliding in slowly, bit by bit, eyes closing as he pushed in, so tight, hissing her name as he buried himself inside her warmth. She squeezed his cock, rolling her hips back into him.

“Please, Jungkook…”

She was using him to get what she wanted but he really didn’t care, biting his lip and ramming his hips into her, gasping at how good it felt, how perfectly they fit together. Her walls massaged his length as he thrust into her, loudly slapping his crotch into her ass. He watched her hands grip his sheets, heard her say his name over and over as he fucked her harder, faster, burning her voice into his memory. Because in his moment, she was his.

In this moment, her head turned, eyes half-lidded, her pink tongue licking her lower lip.

“Fuck, Jungkook, you’re so good at fucking me.”

Her whole body was jerking forward with the force of his thrusts. She closed her eyes and threw her head back in ecstasy, moaning as she came around him, pussy pulsating around his cock, hips trembling in his hands. Jungkook knew he was completely fucked, absolutely in love with the wrong person, but there was nothing be could do about it. He fucked her through her orgasm, pressing a hand on her back to get a deeper angle, groaning as he felt her tighten around him.

“Yes, Jungkook, oh, fuck, yeeees…”

She felt so good, the scent of her orgasm driving him insane, her sounds so erotic that he clenched his jaw, punishingly fucking her into the bed, his thighs screaming at him, until the taut string inside him snapped, pleasure knocking the wind out of his lungs, a choked gasp of her name as he shot into the condom, cock twitching into her walls, cum choked out by her second orgasm pumping him. She turned her head, smirking, looking satisfied and spent.

“Jungkook-ah…”

It was almost real, the way she waited as he fished for the condom, holding it to him as he pulled out, almost real as she crawled over to him, kissing him softly, almost lovingly, almost…

Jungkook got up to clean himself off and came back to her putting her clothes back on. Shrugging on her leather jacket. His heart sank, seeing her beautiful form covered back up. She seemed to notice his gaze and, for a moment, they stared at each other. Him, naked, in the doorframe of his bedroom, her next to his bed.

She took a step towards him. Then another. Then another, until they were side by side, and Jungkook closed his eyes, fully aware that it would end like this, but hating it anyway. 

He felt her hand on his shoulder, caressing his skin. 

Jungkook turned his head, eyes opening. Her index finger poked him in the cheek when he faced her, making him freeze and his lips part, staring into her eyes, the fogged windows of her soul. 

She smiled at him, shrouded by moonlight. 

"See you, Jungkook."

And then she removed her hand and sauntered out of his apartment. 

-

"You're going to get hurt."

"It's not worth it."

"He's obviously still in love with her."

"She might even still be in love with him."

Jungkook heard all these things from his friends, but he didn't care. He didn't care, because the second he opened the door and she was standing there in her leather jacket, crop top, and tight miniskirt, no one else mattered. 

"Even if she does like you," Park Jimin had told him gently. "It's obvious that you're just a rebound right now, because of everything that's happened."

He knew that. He knew it, and yet he pulled her into his arms, lips pressed against hers, murmuring her name, shutting his front door. 

"She's using you to provoke Yoongi."

Jungkook knew that too and still he cupped her face in his hands, kissing her all over, enjoying the feeling of her hands slipping under his t-shirt. He loved they way she quickly stripped off his clothes, with frenzy and need. 

He wanted to tell her, "Don't go." 

She took his breath away, body on top of his, riding him, driving him insane with her soft noises and pleas of his name. Holding his hands, slapping her hips into his. 

He wanted to say, "Please stay with me."

Her hands tangled in his hair as he folded her in half, fucking her into his bed, hot breath mixing with hers as she moaned. Always praising him and reminding him of how good he was, how nice he felt. 

He wanted to scream, "I promise I'll never try to hurt you. I promise to always try to protect your heart. I promise I love you."

But in the end, she always shrugged on her studded leather jacket, the metal causing sunlight to scatter over his bedroom wall, haloing around her like golden feathery wings, her hair glistening in the dying sunset. She would notice his gaze on her and she would lean over and kiss him with a smirk and a mischievous sparkle in her eye.

And she would say, "See you, Jungkook."

And he would say, "Okay."

His front door would close and he would bury his face into his pillows, inhaling her cherry perfume and the scent of her cum. 

-

One time, he hesitated.

She said, "See you, Jungkook." And he paused, staring up at her longingly, not saying anything. Her hand lingered on his cheek, his lips still tingling from her last kiss. His hand came up and touched hers, holding it there. 

Don't let go. 

She smiled and leaned in again. A second kiss, a deep press of lips to lips, no teasing tongue. Then she backed up, pulling her hand out from his. 

"There's no other guy," she said softly. "Only you."

And she left, as usual, but with these additional words sweeping him away, lost in these little moments she gave him, clutching his pillows against his chest and trying to calm his racing heart. 

-

It made every happenstance and mention of Yoongi's antics enrage Jungkook more and more, hearing of and witnessing the different women Yoongi took home all the time, all of them with one or two characteristics of her, but never the whole package, because the whole package was on his doorstep with a teasing smirk and cocked eyebrow. And it was so obvious that she was still hurt, that maybe even a little bit of her still hoped. Jungkook saw it in her eyes, even when he was deep inside her, her eyes trying to hide it all and bury it away.

He knew he was being used, but he still let her come back.

He wanted to strangle Yoongi, even though he was obviously in the wrong too.

But the reality was…

He just wanted her to love him back. 

Even if only a little. 

-

"I'm sorry."

Jungkook knew that low, raspy voice, laced with alcohol, most likely whiskey. He froze, backing up against the brick wall next to the nightclub. Inside was violent noise, but outside, in this night, next to this alley, it was eerily quiet.

"Little late for that, isn't it?"

And Jungkook knew that voice too, his heart sinking, knowing that playful smirk was speaking to her ex-lover once again. At least there was a hint of annoyance. Jungkook heard the rustle of leather, her soft exhale as Yoongi pressed her body into the brick wall with his. 

"Yes, but I mean it this time."

A sharp bark of disbelieving laughter. "Just like how you mean to go home with different sluts every night to try and forget about me?"

The rasp became sharper, cutting. "And you consistently fuck him. One of my best friends, no less."

Jungkook was surprised that Yoongi did not speak about him in past tense. He thought for sure Yoongi hated him, but it seemed like his rage was aimed at her, twisted with regret. 

"Guess we're both past forgiveness."

He could hear heavy breathing. Leather on leather, the distinct sound of Yoongi and her together, hands on skin, soft lustful panting. No. Please no. Jungkook's stomach turned into a heavy knot.

"We could let it go," Yoongi murmured. "Forget about it all and come home to me."

The knot inside him twisted as a vulgar smack cut through the stale night air, followed by her soft gasp. Yoongi's hand on her ass. The sound of nails on skin, and then lips to lips. Jungkook felt his glass heart tumble, tumble, cracking as he replayed every one of their moments; her grip on his hands as he heard her moan into Yoongi's lips; her smile to him before she stepped out his front door as Yoongi grunted, shoving her hips into his; her lips forming his name – "Jungkook-ah…" – as the kiss broke, shudders exchanged in the narrow alley as Jungkook stood at the outskirts, listening.

Holding his glass heart, fractured in every corner, so many facets he couldn't see his own reflection anymore. 

"That was the most insincere kiss you've ever given me, Min Yoongi."

And then there was a flash of leather and swift running as the combat boots flew past him, short skirt flaring with each step, not seeing him, only shooting past like a black comet into the black night. Upset, untouchable, unhindered by the heavy sigh in the alley. Yoongi clicked his tongue, cursing to himself, his boot kicking the brick wall, sound so loud it seemed to eat up the night. 

Jungkook clutched his glass heart and ran after her. 

-

His fist pounded at her door, hurting his knuckles on the metal, scraping them against the number. He had never been here before, never seen her apartment. She lived in a small, run-down complex. His chest was tight, lungs on fire as he had chased after her, following from bus stops to streets, almost losing her at several points. He had waited after she entered her apartment, pacing, unsure what he wanted to do. Unsure whether to scream, to plead, to cry, but, in the end, he just slammed his fist against the door and shut his eyes.

Because, in the end, all he wanted was to see her face.

The door wrenched open.

Jungkook started, throwing himself away from the door. And there she was. Wearing baggy gray sweatpants and a violently short crop top, a white t-shirt cut too high, her movement providing the daintiest flash of under-boob. She looked livid at first, but her features softened instantly when she saw him.

“Jungkook?”

Her voice small, surprised. The light behind her seemed to be low to the ground, so her face and body were lit from below, a pale-yellow glow.

His hands shot forward, his body moving before he had time to think. He grabbed her face, pulling it to him, pressing his lips to hers, closing his eyes and inhaling her cherry perfume, trying to tell her, I love you, I love you, I love you, and he almost sobbed with how soft her lips were, how perfectly they fit against his. Trying to say, please be mine, please know that with this kiss, I am giving you everything I have, his hands pressing into her cheeks, stroking her temples and her jaw with his fingertips. She gasped into his mouth and he tilted his head, kissing her harder, pushing her into her apartment, kicking the door closed behind him.

Jungkook finally backed off to breathe, still holding her face, staring into her slightly unfocused eyes, still trying to process what was happening.

“What about this kiss?” His voice cracked a little, on the verge of crying. “Does this kiss have the sincerity you’re looking for?”

And then her attention was fully on him, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“I was there,” Jungkook whispered guiltily. “Because Taehyung told me Yoongi was out and you were there and I couldn’t… I couldn’t stand knowing he was so close to you after hurting you so much.” His hands slid down, holding her shoulders, his breath shuddering. “Please… Please don’t give him any more chances.”

Jungkook pressed his forehead against hers.

“I know you are just using me to feel better. I know that. Use me as much as you want. I don’t care. But please…”

He closed his eyes, pushing the tears back, choking out his words.

“Please don’t kiss him anymore.”

And then Jungkook lifted his head, kissing her again, hungrier this time, trying to patch his fears with lust, sliding his hands down her shoulders to her arms, pulling her close. Her breathing hitched as he shoved her into his chest, feeling her nipples through his black shirt. He moaned into her mouth, touching her back and running his hands over her bare skin. She had to grab the waistband of his jeans to prevent herself from losing balance, gasping as he kissed down her neck fervently, nipping at her throat. He murmured her name into her hot skin, sucking on it.

“J-Jungkook…”

His tongue ran over her collarbones, dipping in between them, rolling his hips into hers, savoring the sensation of her body against his. He kicked his shoes off, scattering them as he walked them into further and further into her apartment. Her skin trembled under him, fingers tightening on the belt loops of his jeans. Right up against the wall, pressing her into it, yanking down her gray sweatpants, and she gasped, startled by his need. He pushed her panties down to her knees, trailing kisses down her stomach, fingers pressed into her hips.

“A-ah, Jungkook…”

And he was drunk, drunk on the way she said his name, lost in the sensation of her skin against his lips and the scent of her sex, so strong and sweet and powerful that he buried his nose into it, moaning hotly into her wet opening. He pulled one of her legs out of her pants and fitted it onto his shoulder. The moment his tongue touched her juices, his grip tightened, shoving her hips into his face. Her lovely taste coated his tongue as he thrust it into her. She whined above him, hands tangling in his hair as he began to lick, shuddering as she became slicker, the taste sharpening as he played with her clit, lapping at it roughly. Holding her in place, not stopping, coaxing her to her peak, pushing her to the edge.

His tongue, his, doing this to her, unraveling her in his arms, and overwhelming her with lust.

“Jungkook, fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Her hips rutted into his face and he loved it, latching his lips onto her clit, licking and sucking as her viscous juices slid down his chin, dripping onto his neck. He kept going, feelings her thighs tense and hearing his name falling from her lips in her ecstasy. She tasted even better, sweet with a hint of sour, and he slipped his head downwards, moan muffled as he ate up her orgasm, her soft thigh pressed against his cheek.

He licked her tenderly, working her through the aftershocks before he released her leg, standing back up. She was panting, pupils blown wide, blinking rapidly as he kissed her again, smearing her juices on her chin. She whimpered against his mouth, hands clutching his shirt as he sucked on her tongue, taking the hem of her shirt and pulling it up, only breaking the kiss to remove it from her head. It made her hair even messier than before, falling in waves around her face, framing it perfectly.

His eyes on her face, knowing he was so deeply in love that he was drowning.

“I want to fuck you,” he breathed.

His hand came up and cupped her cheek. He leaned in, eyelids closing, pressing his lips to hers, speaking into them.

“I want to love you.”

Gentle, soft pecks onto those perfect plump lips.

“Let me love you,” he whispered, placing his free hand over hers, the ones still gripping his shirt.

His heart was beating so fast that it felt like it was vibrating in his ribcage.

“Jungkook, w-wait…”

And he really didn’t want to wait, he wanted to tell her to shut up and let him make love to her, but he paused, finally opening his eyes to her ashamed expression, looking away. She closed her eyes, shaking her head, releasing him and backing up a little. It was like he was suddenly hollow, carved out when she removed her body heat from his. She still wasn’t looking at him, eyes opening to gaze at the far wall. His eyes followed hers.

And he gasped.

She didn’t have a living room. Instead, the large space littered with easels, canvases, and paper. Tubs and tubs of paint, all kinds, watercolor, oil, acrylic, gouache, all colors, everywhere. Paint-covered cups with dirty water and palettes of dried paint all over the floor. And on the far wall, a large canvas leaned against it, covered in colorful paint strokes. It took up the whole wall, and there was even a step ladder near it so she could reach the top.

Jungkook was breathless.

Absolutely breathless.

He took a step towards it.

Because in striking, full detail, she had captured his face in various shades of blue, pink, yellow, and orange. Only tiny points of black for emphasis. The negative white space carved out his features, the curve of his neck, the broadness of his shoulders. His long curly hair in blue and pink, his eyes in orange and yellow, sparkling, even with the wrinkles that appeared when he smiled, his cheeks round from how big he was smiling.

She had even added the moles on his cheek, nose, and underneath his lower lip.

It was unmistakably him. Jeon Jungkook.

“W-what…?”

He looks back at her. She looked embarrassed.

“It’s not very good,” she chuckled nervously. “Sorry, I…” She pointed at it awkwardly and lowered her hand just as quickly. She tried to start a sentence, but shook her head. Instead, she breathed in deeply so she could speak evenly. “When I paint, I don’t plan anything. I do it when I’m stressed, so none of it is any good.” She rubbed the back of her head, using her other hand to point to the mess.

“I got a huge canvas and started painting, because of the whole…”

She looked pained. She sucked her lips in her mouth, slowly releasing them. Then she sighed.

“I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Jungkook made eye contact.

“It’s me.”

She chuckled, nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

He turned back to stare at it, stare at himself smiling out to the room in stunning color. This huge canvas wasn’t Min Yoongi. It was him. Him, Jeon Jungkook. She had painted him, larger than life, clearly visible in her apartment, unable to avoid the large canvas. He had only missed it because he had been so upset and focused on her. But the truth was, he was always here.

Here, smiling at her when she got home.

“I don’t look this good,” Jungkook muttered.

She laughed, that beautiful laugh he loved so much. He felt her walk up to him, nudging his side.

“Yes, you do. You always look amazing.”

“Not when I wake up.”

She shrugged. “I’ve seen you wake up after a night of drinking. You’re adorable.”

Jungkook felt his ears heat. There was a long silence of him studying all the details.

“He knows.”

She sighed, heavily.

“He saw it one night. When he came over to try to convince me to take him back. I hadn’t finished much, but he could tell it was you.” She pointed to the mole under his lower lip. “Because of this.”

“You noticed.”

She smirked. Then she turned back to painting. “He was really mad. I hadn’t painted anyone else before him. Before Yoongi, I only painted scenes and random objects. Not people.” Her eyes roamed over the large canvas. “I painted him a lot, on smaller canvases and paper. He has them all, somewhere. Maybe he’s burned them now. I don’t know. But when he saw this, I think he knew, even before me.” Her voice was getting smaller and smaller. “He knew I was falling out of love with him.”

She looked away, to a point Jungkook couldn’t see, into the past.

“I wondered if It would feel the same, if I kissed him again. I wondered if he would still give me the same excitement, the same desire.” She closed her eyes. “But I didn’t feel anything.”

She lifted her head and looked at him, the Jungkook in blue, pink, orange, and yellow.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook.” It seemed like she was speaking to the painting because she couldn’t face him. “I’m sorry for being so cruel to you.” Her lips curved into a sad smile. Her eyes flitted to every corner of the large painting, arms around her naked body, hugging herself, an empty, lonely feeling surrounding her as she spoke.

“Love is fleeting anyway.”

Jungkook reached out and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him. He pressed his nose into her hair, inhaling deeply.

“Stop listening to his stupid words and listen to me,” he mumbled. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I’ll tell you a thousand times. A million times, until you believe me. Stay with me and I’ll tell you every day, every night, all the time.”

“You… deserve better than me, Jungkook.”

“I don’t care,” he retorted stubbornly. “Is another woman going to paint an entire wall of my face? No. I love you.” And you love me, he wanted to add. I know you do, because I can see it right in front of my face, even if you can’t.

She lowered her head, burying her face in his arms.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she mumbled, a shudder running through her.

Jungkook thought of all those times, those confident smirks, those powerful strides, her strong words and firm affirmations. Everyone thought she had it all together. Everyone thought she was over Yoongi, because she had shot him down so hard. So cool that she was able to be so self-assured.

But the truth was here, painted in vivid color.

He placed his lips on the top of her head, kissing her softly.

“Why me?” he whispered.

He heard her chuckle at the familiar question.

“If you want the truth,” she murmured into his forearms. “I don’t know. I only went over to your apartment because I thought…” She raised her head, sighing apologetically. “I thought, ‘It’s going to be easy giving Jungkook a mind-blowing orgasm.’”

“I had two, in fact.”

She really did have a beautiful laugh.

“Now I’m corrupted,” Jungkook teased, squeezing her in his arms. “I won’t leave you alone.”

She looked up at the painting. Her tone was different now, less sad, warmer.

“No, I guess you won’t.”

--

masterpost

[taetaespeaches]

“To me, he’s everything.”

taehyung x reader (oc) genre: angst; fluff word count: 2.9K beta reader(s): @stayjimin​

a/n: Hi lovelies! Why did I decide to write sad Tae? To make us all suffer perhaps? This is about Tae going through some stuff and writing pieces of Blue & Grey (with the english lyrics bc this is early stages) and Peaches trying to provide him comfort. I hope you all enjoy and thanks for reading! :))

Waking up in the early morning, the sky was still dark making it difficult to see your surroundings. Grunting to yourself you lightly tossed underneath the comforter. Sighing, you reached out to feel the empty spot next to you, confirming your suspicions that your lover had left the bed sometime earlier in the night.

Sitting up, you focused your gaze on the dark shape of your dresser across the room as you listened closely for sounds outside the bedroom. Hearing none, you lifted yourself from the bed, a blanket in tow as you made your way out of the room.

The hallway was lit up from the glow of the living room light, and as you wrapped the blanket over your shoulders, your ears perked at the sound of Taehyung’s low timbre humming a mix of words and incoherent melody.

Stepping quietly across the floor, you listened intently to the few words you could understand. “I just wanna be happier,” rang in your ears, your heart pounding at the weight of the lyrics that came straight from your boyfriend’s mouth. Standing in the living room just feet away from where he sat on the floor, Taehyung took notice of you, his mouth opening in surprise.

“Did I wake you?” He asked, his eyes wide with guilt though you gently shook your head. “You sure?”

“Maybe your absence,” you smiled softly. He tried to return the expression, but it failed to meet his eyes. And that was the smile you’d been receiving for the past few weeks. His famous boxy grin, your favorite, was being flashed around much less in the recent days. “It’s like I can feel when you’re gone,” you told him quietly.

He didn’t respond, instead leaning back on his hands to support himself as he stared at your disheveled appearance. With a small head nod gesturing for you to go to him, you quickly and easily obliged.

You would have to be completely oblivious to not notice the man’s mood change in the past weeks; how he had more low days than high. It wasn’t the first time Tae had gone through something like this. He had a habit of pulling away and dealing with his emotions and thoughts in private, and you had learned over your several years of friendship to give him the space to work through it all before he would eventually come to you for help with whatever feelings remained.

But this bout seemed to hit him harder than in the past. And he hadn’t come to you yet.

Sitting next to him, you both stared into each other’s eyes, his darkened circles prominent on his golden skin.

“You look tired,” he noted, your eyebrows raising slightly. Sliding the banket of your shoulders, you draped it over yours and Taehyung’s laps.

“So do you,” you countered, the man’s lips curving upward just the tiniest bit as you tucked the blanket around his thighs. “Are you ever gonna share this track with me that’s been taking up so much of your time?” You questioned, playing up your jealousy of the subject of his attention.

“Are you feeling neglected, Peaches?” He teased, a glint flashing over his eyes for a quick moment that had your lungs exhaling in a brief relief.

“Of course not,” you smirked. “But like, I did wake up alone only to find you out here canoodling with this song again so,” you trailed off, Taehyung letting out a low chuckle, amused by your feigned bitterness for his newest creation.

“What was that?” He asked, your eyebrows raising in question. “Canood- what?”

“Canoodling,” you giggled lightly. He flashed you a look of confusion, a smile overtaking your features at how cute he appeared. “It means, like, cuddling,” you paused, “I think?” For the first time in a few days, Taehyung’s boxy smile overtook his face, meeting his eyes for just a brief moment. “Maybe that wasn’t the right word,” you thought aloud as Taehyung’s hand found yours, his fingers lightly squeezing yours.

Raising your hand to his lips, he left a sweet kiss to the back of it. “You’re the only one I want to canoodle with,” he assured you lightheartedly, you squinting at him skeptically.

“Well that’s just not true, I caught you cuddled up with Jungkook just last week,” you pointed out, Taehyung chuckling as he dropped his head so he looked down toward his lap. Watching him carefully, you admired the way his low laugh tumbled from his pretty lips. When he looked back toward you, his eyes widened.

“What?” He asked, taken aback by your intent stare.

Shaking your head, you turned your hand in his grasp to intertwine your fingers with his own. “What’s been going on, Dearest?” You asked him, your voice soft and quiet, gentle and concerned. He gave you a questioning expression, silently asking you to elaborate, though you both knew where the conversation was headed. “Why haven’t you been talking to me?”

The man stared at you for a moment, his eyes scanning your features, clocking the concern etched within them. Sighing, he shrugged.

“Are you ok?” You asked him, watching as he clenched his jaw, shrugging once more. “Oh, baby,” you whispered through a small pout, squeezing his hand as he took a deep breath, attempting to calm his emotions.

Leaning toward him, you wrapped your other arm around his head, holding him so his face was placed in the crook of your neck. When his body shook slightly, you let go of his hand to bring your arms around his body, cradling him against you.

Neither of you spoke for several minutes, instead simply embracing each other as you allowed Taehyung the space and comfort to feel his feelings. Eventually, he lifted his head from your neck, his face level with yours though he avoided your eyes. Lifting your hands to his face, you gently used your thumbs to wipe under his eyes before flattening your palms against his cheeks to dab the wetness from them.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t ask you sooner,” you told him, your voice soft but adamant, Taehyung’s eyes snapping to meet yours.

“Peaches, no,” he shook his head, though you cut him off with your own negation.

“No, I knew something was wrong, but I was just waiting for you to come to me,” you told him. “I should have talked to you sooner,” you insisted, one of your hands falling from his face to your lap, the other sliding down to his shoulder where you simply kept it, to show him you were there. You weren’t going anywhere.

Taking another deep breath in, Taehyung shook his head once more. Reaching for his phone, you watched as he tapped on the screen a few times before his low vocals resonated from the speaker, replaying the sounds you heard earlier that night.

The lyrics were a mix of random mumblings with stunning but sad lines of English that proved every suspicion you had of Taehyung being sad and lost.

“I’m sick and tired of everything, someone come save myself ‘cause I can’t take it anymore.”

He was crying out for help in this song; help from himself, his own mind. The man was begging for someone to come to his aid, just to lessen the pain.

“Every time I cry, every time I smile, can you look at me ‘cause I am blue and grey.”

As you watched him carefully, his gaze set on the phone in his hands as the soundwaves went up and down with his vocals, tears filled your eyes. Taehyung’s fans often took his quietness as a warning sign for how he was feeling. However, growing up alongside Taehyung, you’d witnessed the shift from an excitable young boy to a slightly less excitable grown man. You’d been there with him as his personality developed; matured.

No, his silence was never a warning sign for you. It could be quite comforting, actually. The warning sign was when his smile failed to meet his eyes. You’d seen it over the past days, weeks. Staring at him as the melody cut through the heavy air, all you could think was, why didn’t I help you, Dearest?

“I just wanna be happier, baby don’t you let me go.” The lyrics melted into sounds again before he sang melancholically, “Wish I could be stronger.” The recording cut, and Taehyung’s eyes stayed on the phone screen.

Squeezing his shoulder lightly, you dragged your hand toward the back of his neck so your fingers could sooth across his nape. “It’s beautiful,” you croaked, clearing your voice as Taehyung’s gaze shot up to meet yours, the emotion in your tone startling him. “It is,” you told him sincerely.

“Thank you,” he barely muttered, his eyes alert, his shoulders raised as if he was holding his breath.

“When you’re not ok, I’ll be your rock, you know,” you assured him, an exhale leaving his lips just before he wet them with a swipe of his tongue. “I should have addressed it sooner, but I know now,” you added with a small nod. “So lean on me.”

“I don’t want to burden you,” he resisted, though you could see in his eyes he desperately wanted the shoulder you were offering to him.

“Tae,” you breathed out with a small smile. “You’re too considerate for your own good, you know that?” Scoffing in response, he licked his lips once more. “You could never burden me. I’m your partner,” you whispered, your hand moving to cradle his jaw as you spoke to him.

With a sigh, his shoulders relaxed just as he leaned into your touch, resting his chin in your hand just slightly. You could feel the weight of it, and you were thankful for it.

“I just-” his lip trembled. “I have this great life,” he mumbled as his face contorted just the tiniest bit, tears brimming his eyelid but not yet falling. “I have this dream career, partner,” he nodded to you, “home life,” he glanced to the open room. “I have great friends, all these fans,” he shook his head as a tear slid down his cheek, collecting on the flesh of your thumb. “And yet, I’m still so fucking lost,” he sighed in frustration.

Instead of speaking, you moved your hand to gently swipe under his eyes with your thumb. “I don’t know, it’s just stupid,” he directed his gaze across the room, his stare intense though he wasn’t looking at anything in particular.

Shaking your head, you leaned into his line of vision, pulling his attention to you. “It’s not stupid, baby,” you spoke softly to him. “It’s human.”

“What kind of person feels this way when they have all these great things?” He questioned, making you pull your eyebrows together in a slight glare. “I’m sitting here with a woman who loves me and cares for me and I’m crying about feeling lonely and worthless,” he admitted in frustration. “I didn’t even want to tell you about all of this because I don’t want you thinking you’re not enough for me.”

“Tae, I’m not so naïve to think I can be the savior of all your days,” you locked your gaze on his as you spoke to him. “I know you love me, but I’m just a piece of your life, I’m one source of happiness,” you shrugged while shaking your head.

“You’re more than that,” he said sternly, frustrated by your downplayed importance in his life.

“I know that, and I hope I can lessen the pain and make things easier, but I’m never going to be able to make everything ok,” you explained to him. And that was the sad truth. No matter how much you loved him, you could never take his pain away. “That’s just not how things work.” Staring at each other, he gave you a small nod of understanding. “Coming to me with this isn’t going to make me feel insufficient or like I’m not part of your happiness,” you finished, Taehyung nodding as he pulled your hand from his face and held onto it tightly.

As you looked into his gaze, you could see further sadness swirling around his orbs. His irises were the same pretty brown, but the warmth was faded. The cold emotion in them made them appear like a desaturated version of themselves, appearing as an ashen grey.

“What else are you thinking?” You prodded, gently, but insistently.

Swiping his tongue over his bottom lip, he exhaled deeply, preparing to share more of the feelings he’d been keeping contained behind his stunning features.

“There’s a few things I know about myself,” he started, your attention fully on him as he opened his thoughts with the mysterious statement. “And that’s that I love you, I love my family, and I love being on stage with the guys in front of our fans. And this year I’ve seen how easily that part of me can be stripped away,” he nodded at his own words as your heart felt like it stilled. Because the stage was the one thing you couldn’t give him or assure him of its existence. “And it’s going to happen someday for good.”

You watched him thoughtfully as he explored his own thoughts, gathering them into words that he could speak, in hopes that you would understand.

“And I guess-” he shrugged. “Who’s left without that part of me?”

Without thinking over your response, you answered him with two words. “Kim Taehyung.” His eyes held your own as you cocked your head at him. “He’s left.”

“But who is he?” He asked, his fragile tone making him sound small.

Who is Kim Taehyung? You could fill book after book answering that question, as he was everything.

A small smile curved on your lips as you thought about who Kim Taehyung was to you. “I can’t tell you who he is to you,” you began, locking your eyes with his before you allowed your orbs to drag across his features, appreciating the man, drinking him in. “But to me, he’s everything.”

And at that simple statement, as you stared at your boyfriend’s lips, you noticed the way they just slightly quirked upward before he corrected the expression, remaining serious and self-doubting.

“You know the guy on stage is incredible,” you continued. “V is special and he’s amazing, but this guy right here,” you nodded to him, “sitting in his pajamas, expressing his fears and concerns,” you grinned. “He’s the most brilliant person I’ve ever known.” You watched as his jaw tightened, an obvious sign of the emotion that was bubbling within him.

“You glow, Taehyung. With and without V,” you told him sincerely, your voice becoming shaky as your own emotions made themselves present. “And I don’t mean to downplay that piece of you because he is you and he’s amazing and he’s helped you grow and become this incredible human being, but I just hope you know that with or without that part of yourself, you’re still a masterpiece,” you ranted, in a race to beat the incoming tears. “I hope you can look at yourself one day and see what I see. If only you could spend one day in my shoes and see yourself how I see you.”

The man’s body trembled as he brought a hand to his face, shielding it from you as he cried.

“Hey, hey, hey,” you shook your head, pulling his hand from his eyes. “Don’t hide from me.”

Taking a shaky breath, letting it out with a quiver of his pout, you smiled at him. “That boy who approached me on the street when we were kids wasn’t V. That was Kim Taehyung. The man who makes me toast with jam in the mornings isn’t V. That’s Kim Taehyung. The friend who’s been my shoulder to lean on and cry on all these years, the lover who supports me and believes in me, that’s all Kim Taehyung.”

With tears trickling down your face, mimicking Taehyung’s own emotions, you giggled at the pout on his lips that made him look like a younger version of himself.

“What?” He questioned, a small smile spreading on his lips, almost rectangular but not quite.

“You look like you’re seventeen,” you grinned, sitting up on your knees and inching towards him so you hovered above him, Taehyung’s youthful, tearful gaze looking up at you.

“I can’t fix this, and I can’t make you feel complete, and I can’t take away your concern for the future,” you told him with a small frown. “But I can be here to hold your hand and assure you that you’re going to be ok, whether you believe it right now or not. It’s ok to feel this way, I just don’t want you to feel like you have no one if you’re not on a stage,” you leaned toward him, pushing his dark wavy fringe out of his face to leave a sweet kiss to his forehead. Wrapping your arms around his head, you held his face against your chest as you left another kiss to his hair.

“You have people who love you, but most importantly, you have Kim Taehyung. And he’s my favorite person,” you smiled as you mumbled against his hair. The man hugged around your waist, holding you even closer to him. “I think you’re going to learn to love him,” you whispered through your grin. “He’s pretty fucking lovable.”