#sorry for the double post i would have added the video to a reblog if i could

[showyoumyfavoriteobsession]

Day 2: playable game! It took me longer than anticipated to get the triggers for the UI to work correctly (the green boxes), so not as many new features as I was hoping to get through today, but that's okay.

Completed today:

Countdown timer when indicator enters "win" zone

Tweaked character gravity

When timer reaches zero, "win" text appears and player control stops

Next steps:

Continue to adjust character physics (feels floaty when in the middle)

Fail states (zones at each extreme that will count down to a game over)

Increasing difficulties (shrinking the "win" zone on each win)

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Looking for a Place to Happen

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape (series), age gap, general stupidity.

This is dark!biker!Sam Wilson x reader and explicit. 18+ only.  Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Series Synopsis: There’s lots happening in Birch and you find it all too amusing.

Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown, When the Weight Comes Down, Little Bones, and Fully Completely

Note: We’re starting Sam’s installment but this weekend I’ll probably only be catching up on my headcanons and drabbles because I’ve been a lazy bitch and I’m sorry to those who have been waiting.

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Chapter 1: I've got a job, I explore

💀💀💀

The sleepy town of Birch was awake. 

In those last weeks, the arrival of outsiders had roused the attention of many once passive residents of the timeless territory. Those brick buildings unchanged by the tick of the clock inlaid into the old tower above the library that chimed every hour on the hour. They still stood with only chips in the mortar but the air tasted different. The frost was more bitter and the sky more grim. An omen of something no one could predict.

It was the perfect setting for a screenplay. The isolated town with its unsavoury secrets and the visitors who threatened to bring them to the surface. It was inspiring to you, to imagine what was hidden behind the stern wrinkled faces of the town elders and under the jackets of those men who wore the cut of the local club. The bikers ruled the town covertly but everyone knew that Bucky Barnes’ palm was lined with the map of Birch.

As a bystander, an unnoticed observer, just another ant in the hill, you watched from the side and amused yourself with the drama of others. It was like a soap opera or another HBO hype machine. Those things you aspired to when you could be free of this ho-hum town.

The snows added to the natural gloom of the place. The deep heaps smothered the noise and harkened back to those days of colonial settlement. Forgotten, desolate, fearful. 

You ventured down in your heavy boots that stretched to your knees and pushed your chin down into your scarf. As a child, you ran and jumped in those piles, now you were out of breath just trying to walk past them.

You stopped in the bakery that doubled as the only café, a place where the owner, Babs, tried to to intimidate the last caffeinated trends. She was always a few seasons behind but you didn’t mind so much. 

You ordered the salted caramel mocha and waited patiently as the quiet woman fought with the steaming machines. She was older than you but you’d work with her for one summer during high school, only five years ago. She had the eyes of a child still, but there was something worn in her. As if she’d been exposed to far too much in her three or so decades in that place. She was a harbinger of what you didn’t want to become.

You thanked her for your drink and set out once more into the billowing winds. Birch winters were never kind but this one was crueler than most. Your teeth chattered as you blew the steam away from the lid and hugged it with your mittened hands.

You stopped short as you heard the familiar ding of the diner door across the street. You recognised the mechanic who kept to herself and once growled at you in the grocery store. She stormed across the street, followed closely and quickly by a black-haired man you’d only seen once before. He was one of those outsiders who came to deal with the club men.

You sped up as you sensed chaos brewing and pulled out your phone as you balanced your paper cup in your other hand. You flicked your camera on just as you got to the front of the shop and the man grabbed the mechanic. You let out an ‘oop’ as she turned on him and you aimed the lens at the couple as they fell into the snow, the man’s shoes giving little traction to his steps. 

You moved closer, stunned by the scene, and kept your cell phone rolling as you found a better angle around the snowy walks. As she choked him on the ground he elbowed her and she coughed as she rolled away. She snarled as he clamoured to his feet, slipping and sliding as he marched away.

You killed the recording and watched the man cross the street again, nearly wiping out as he did and when you looked back to the mechanic, she was gone behind the clattering door. You chuckled to yourself and tucked away your cell. It was prime footage for TikTok; with a bit of editing, it would be comedy gold.

💀

You stomped up the steps of your grandmother’s house, this time through the front door as you heard her chair rocking in the front room. You usually took the stairs in the back as you paid her to live on the upper floor of the duplex. You checked in with her daily, she didn’t get out much more than the occasional trip to the grocery store when you couldn’t or you dragged her out to join you for a tea at Babs’.

“You’re late,” she grumbled as you set your cup down and unzipped your coat.

“For what?” you scoffed.

“It’s after noon and you don’t even come down to say hello? A ‘good morning, nan’,” she harrumphed.

You chuckled and hung your coat before shoving your boots over on the mat. You grabbed your mocha and leaned on the doorway as you watched her crocheting in her chair, reruns of some court show playing from the boxy television.

“I was working,” you said, “sent in some stuff for review. Hopefully not much work to be done.”

“I don’t know how you make money on that interweb,” she bemoaned, “I don’t trust it.”

“Maybe you’d trust it more if you used the Netflix subscription I got you,” you crossed your arms, “then you wouldn’t have to watch trash daytime TV.”

She shrugged and muttered under her breath. She could be crotchety but you liked her sense of humour. Your aunts and uncles never came around because they just took it as spite. You were the only one who knew how to handle the jaded old lady.

“Maybe you coulda looked out the window,” you snickered, “quite a show going on in town.”

“Hmm, what’s that?” she stilled her needles and reached for her tea stained cup.

“Just a fight. You wouldn’t believe it, that lady mechanic beat the shit--”

“Language,” she huffed.

“Anyway, she had this guy in a chokehold. It was awesome.”

“What guy?” she squinted at you over her glasses.

“I dunno. Some out of towner. Remember I told you about that burly dude hanging around the library?”

“There’s more?” she sucked on her teeth, “those bikers have never been good news and now they’re bringing in more.”

“Yeah, well, what’re you gonna do?” you sniffed as you took out your phone and rewatched the scuffle with the volume down. You shook your head and opened up your TikTok. 

“I don’t understand why you’re always on your dang phone,” your grandmother pestered.

“I’m not always on my phone,” you smiled at her smugly, “there are those time when I’m listening to you prattle on or you know, making you tea, oh, and cooking you dinner. What was it I did last week? Oh that’s right, I got Pippin out of the crawlspace.”

“I’m too old to be chasin’ that cat all around,” she huffed, “where is he anyway?”

“He’s your cat, I don’t know? Last time I saw him, I sent him back out the window for shredding my charger.”

“He knows you need to give it a rest,” she laughed to herself, “got your nose to that screen too much.”

“And what do you do, old lady? Crocheting doilies to put where exactly?”

She gave you that dry smile, the one that said watch it but carried a hint of humour still. You hit post and put your phone away as you waved off her irritation.

“Well, you know what, I sit all day at my computer, doing who knows what and you know what it got me?” you taunted, “a large mocha!” you sipped as you sat on the sofa and grabbed the remote, “and it’s paying my rent and putting bullet points on my resume.”

“Mhmm,” she scowled, “just remember, real life ain’t online. Those videos you’re always laughing at like hyena, that’s not reality. You forget it and it’ll come back and bit you. ‘Specially with those bikers.”

“Oh, nan, you know too well, don’t you? Didn’t you have a fling with one back in your hippie phase?”

“Two, actually,” she raised her brows, “I was young and stupid. Not like you, but still.”

“I love you too,” you chirped and sipped from your cup, flicking the station to Jerry Springer, “that’s more like it.”

💀

Your usual TikToks were sarcastic and dull complaints about your small town life. The response was less than pleasing but it gave you an outlet to vent. You liked to goof around and document the very specific type of weirdos that resided in Birch. But the video of the fight in the snow blew up your phone and made it difficult to ignore the buzzing as you went back up to your room to eke out the last of your captions for the ad agency.

When at last you could call your day hard-earned, you logged off and sent in your hours to the agency. Social media promotion was easy enough but the working gigs for a thousand different companies was tedious. You hoped you could build your portfolio enough to manage a single corporate page as you continued to chip away at your creative outlets.

You picked up your phone as you waited for Netflix to load on your tiny smart tv and flopped onto your bed, not two feet from your desk. You hit the icon in the upper panel of your phone and scrolled through the notifications, pausing to turn on another episode of the cable sitcom from ten years before. You snorted as you read each comment but the number under the video made your eyes round. The thing was bound to go viral.

As usual, you went down to help with supper. Pippin, the orange tabby, returned to cry at his dish and you fed him too. Your nan peered through her glasses at a crossword as she tasted the tangy pasta sauce. 

“More basil,” she snipped.

“Well, I asked if you wanted to help,” you muttered, “I think it’s good.”

“Hmmp, I need milk,” she jutted her chin out, “for my after-dinner tea.”

“You couldn’t say something like three hours ago?” you blinked.

“I could have but I didn’t,” she snickered. You rolled your eyes and she took another forkful of penne and filled in another line on her puzzle, “ah, no hurry, girlie, you know I’m patient.”

“Patient? You?” you chuckled as you took your plate and shoved it in the microwave to keep it warm. The ancient thing had a dial and the door stuck, “I’ll just go get it over with.”

“Don’t forget your mitts,” she called after you as you tramped into the front room, “it’s cold.”

You pulled on your knitted cap and matching mitts. You zipped up your parka and shoved your feet into the deep boots. You grabbed your wallet and buried it in the spacious pocket. You bounced out the front door and down the steps as the sky sent down another coat of powder for the night.

You went up White Forge Street and through the short path behind the diner that led to the main road. You glanced over at The Asp, the beacon of the dull town, and turned towards the grocer. Like anywhere in Birch, the store was outdated and stuffy. It felt like stepping into another time with the paper bags and chunky tills.

You went down the center aisle and stopped at the fridge to search through the frosted glass. Your nan only drank whole milk and the last time you carelessly grabbed skim, she whined that even Pippin wouldn’t drink it. She was particular but that was just her nature. You couldn’t say you were any less fussy in some instances.

You grabbed a jug and the door slapped closed against the worn rubber seal. You headed up the candy aisle and brushed your woolly thumb over your chin as you considered gummy bears or Reeses’ Pieces.

“Hard choice?” The deep voice jolted you.

You snatched the box of chocolate and looked over at the man in leather, his chin tucked down behind the collar as snow dusted his shoulders.

“Sure,” you said as you brushed past him.

The cut of the leather told you he was better not entertained. While you thought the men amusing, you weren’t stupid enough to engage with them. You rarely listened to your grandmother but she was wise in her own way. 

You knew a girl in highschool, she was fucking around with one of the club men in her junior year, she ended up with a baby and no support. You didn’t think he was into you that way but he could hardly have innocent intentions.

“How’s the old lady?” Clayton asked as he rung in your order at the end of the belt, you moved along with the groceries and pulled out your wallet.

“The usual, you know? She’s tryna quit again. Don’t know how long it’ll last.”

“Oh yeah? I’ll keep a carton aside for her,” he kidded as you felt your phone vibing in your back pocket.

“Don’t encourage her,” you swiped your card and punched in your pin, “although I don’t know what’s worse; the smoke or her sucking on those mints all the time.”

“Oh, it’s not the bitchin’?” he laughed.

“That, too,” you scooped up the paper bag and put your wallet away, “have a good one.”

As you came to the end of the first counter, you were nearly cut off by the club member as he swept around from till two. His own purchase of a car magazine and jerky was tucked under his arm.

“Ah, sorry,” he smiled, a sparkling smile, almost charming.

“No worries,” you continued on and he followed close behind.

“Those mitts look real warm. ‘Specially in this weather,” he said as you pushed open the door.

“Uh huh,” you kept on as your boots crunched out into the snow.

“You know where I can get a pair. Leather isn’t exactly thermal, you know?”

“These? My nan made ‘em. I’m sure Clayton got some hung up back there,” you looked across the street as you stepped up onto the ledge of snow between the sidewalk and the road.

“Am I bothering you?” he asked.

You looked at him dumbly and almost laughed in his face. You glanced back across the street then down towards The Asp.

“Sorta,” you answered.

“Make you a deal. Leave ya alone for your name.”

You eyed him. He was older than you like many of the Commandos. At least a decade, likely more than that. You chewed on your hesitation and cradled the bag more firmly against your side. His eyes strayed as he tried to see through the thick layer of your coat.

“Nah, I’m not s’posed to talk to strangers,” you said and hopped off onto the road.

You heard him behind you as he struggled to follow and as you came up to the other side, he came parallel with you and kept stride with you easily.

“I know you’re young but you’re not a kid,” he intoned, “what’s the harm in a name?”

“It’s a small town,” you stopped short of the end of White Forge, “I think I know enough about you to avoid you.”

“Oh ho, is that it? Well, I’m Sam, I’m not a stranger now, am I?”

“Not interested, Sam. Sure there’s women your own age over at the bar,” you nodded behind him.

“You wanna come see? Maybe have a drink?” he gave a crooked grin.

“You don’t give up, do you?” you shook your head, put off by his forwardness.

“Well?”

“Not tonight, Sam,” you turned around and headed down White Forge.

“Then what night?” he asked but you didn’t answer and he didn’t follow.

You turned down onto your street and refused to look back in case. It would be best not to mention the run-in to your nan, she was paranoid enough as it was. Besides, you’d forget about it by the end of next week.

[youareinlovees]

Taylor and Joe in 2019 

January 2nd – Joe is seen leaving Taylor’s Tribeca apartment. (x)

January 6th – They both attend the Golden Globes in LA.

“While Taylor presented, Joe watched the teleprompter near him and smiled and [his The Favourite costar] Nicholas Hoult patted him on the back. After Gaga walked on stage, Joe shifted his gaze to the stage near Taylor. She was smiling at him while she walked off the stage. She looked over her shoulder and gave a sassy cute little smile at his table’s direction.” 

(via US Weekly)

January 6th – An ET reporter asks Joe if he and Taylor would ever work together. (x)

“It’s not planned at the moment but who knows.”

“Swift joined Alwyn at Fox’s party at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. The instant she entered the event, the “Gorgeous” singer made a beeline for The Favourite star, putting her head on his shoulder and hand on his chest. Swift didn’t leave Alwyn’s side, posing for photos and chatting with Alwyn’s co-star, Nicholas Hoult, as she kept her hand around Alwyn’s waist. At the end of the evening, the two exited through the back of the venue and away from the crowds.” 

(via Entertainment Tonight)

FOX Post Show Celebration was also one of the starriest, with The Favourite cast holding court at their table and having a ball throughout the night. Big winner Olivia Colman was seen taking shots with Joe Alwyn, who was accompanied by girlfriend Taylor Swift the whole night. 

The Grammy winner cheered on the cast as they took the shots and was affectionate with her beau throughout the celebration. The ultra-private couple was spotted kissing and cozying up at their table along with Alwyn’s Favourite costar Emma Stone and her Saturday Night Live writer boyfriend Dave McCary. 

(via PEOPLE)

CAA party: Alwyn and Swift made a brief appearance around 1 a.m. Security swarmed them,” the source says. “They sat in a couch at a table with their drinks in the back of the party and were talking with several people. They looked at each other a few times and it seemed like Joe was trying to make sure she was OK and gauge when she wanted to leave. They were then escorted out of a private exit together.”

(via E Online)

Video of them arriving at one of the afterparties.

February 8th – Taylor and Joe are spotted leaving The Spaniards Inn in Hampstead, London. (x)

February 9th – They’re seen walking around in Notting Hill.

February 10th – Taylor skips the Grammys and attends several BAFTA afterparties with Joe instead. (x) (x)

Taylor Swift spotted caressing Joe Alwyn after sneaking into BAFTA dinner (x)

Determined to keep a low profile, Taylor swerved the main event at the Royal Albert Hall attended by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and headed straight to the exclusive dinner at the swanky Grosvenor Hotel on Park Lane.

“Taylor and Joe spent most of the evening in the middle of the room near the head table and based on table 68. They were chatting to colleagues but Taylor didn’t hide her affection towards Joe. She was seen caressing his back as they chatted away to a pal. It was clear they were an item but Taylor appeared conscious not to make a big deal about her appearance - she was just there for a good time rather than working like she would have to at the Grammys. Taylor didn’t leave Joe’s side all evening.”

Keen to keep a memento from the night, Taylor was seen taking home two pottery rabbit table decorations from her table. 

Taylor talked to a Grazia reporter about The Favourite and how proud she was of him. (x)

While Grazia chatted to Joe about working with Olivia Colman (‘She was amazing,’ he gushed), Taylor appeared and gave him a congratulatory squeeze. ‘I was watching the show from home,’ she told us. ‘Every time The Favourite won another award, I was just squealing! I couldn’t believe it,’ she continued. ‘It’s so great for him – and it’s his first time coming to the BAFTAs, so it’s exciting. It’s a big deal.’ The singer, who is currently filming Cats, added how ‘proud’ she was of Joe’s success. 

They were seen leaving the Vogue / Tiffany & Co afterparty. (video) (x)

February 12th – In an interview with ET, Rebel Wilson is asked whether she’s seen Joe on the set of CATS. (x)

“I haven’t! I have met him, but not on set.” 

February 22nd – Taylor and Joe attend the CAA Oscars pre-party in West Hollywood. (x)

February 23rd – The Mirror publishes an article about Olivia Colman and Taylor becoming friends through Joe. (x)

A source revealed: “After the Baftas Taylor sang up a storm with Olivia Colman, Joe and Melissa McCarthy too at a London hotel. They had their own room and Olivia and Taylor were behaving like best buddies.Taylor thinks Olivia is amazing, she loves her and the sing song wasn’t a one off.” The insider added: “They have already made plans for Oscar week. They’re going to have a rerun of the karaoke night and Olivia has even been to Taylor and Joe’s LA home too.”

February 24th – Taylor and Joe hang out with Martha, Camila Cabello and Matthew Hussey at the Vanity Fair Oscars afterparty.

Video of them at the Fox afterparty.

“Taylor Swift made a surprise appearance with her boyfriend, The Favourite star Joe Alwyn. As the party wound down, Swift and Alwyn were overheard contemplating late-night karaoke with Alwyn’s co-star Nicholas Hoult.”

(via Vanity Fair)

February 25th – Joe posts a photo taken in Taylor’s LA house.

March 3rd – Taylor and Joe are seen hiking together in the Santa Monica mountains. (video) 

A picture he took of her is later included in the Lover photoshoot. (x)

March 6th – Taylor drops an ELLE article titled “30 Things I Learned Before Turning 30.″ (x)

How to fight fair with the ones you love. Chances are you’re not trying to hurt the person you love and they aren’t trying to hurt you. If you can wind the tension of an argument down to a conversation about where the other person is coming from, there’s a greater chance you can remove the shame of losing a fight for one of you and the ego boost of the one who “won” the fight. I know a couple who, in the thick of a fight, say “Hey, same team.” Find a way to defuse the anger that can spiral out of control and make you lose sight of the good things you two have built. They don’t give out awards for winning the most fights in your relationship. They just give out divorce papers.

Apologizing when you have hurt someone who really matters to you takes nothing away from you. Even if it was unintentional, it’s so easy to just apologize and move on. Try not to say “I’m sorry, but...” and make excuses for yourself. Learn how to make a sincere apology, and you can avoid breaking down the trust in your friendships and relationships.

For too long, the projected opinions of strangers affected how I viewed my relationships. Whether it was the general internet consensus of who would be right for me, or what they thought was “couples goals” based on a picture I posted on Instagram. That stuff isn’t real. For an approval seeker like me, it was an important lesson for me to learn to have my OWN value system of what I actually want.

Playing mind games is for the chase. In a real relationship or friendship, you’re shooting yourself in the foot if you don’t tell the other person how you feel, and what could be done to fix it. No one is a mind reader. If someone really loves you, they want you to verbalize how you feel. This is real life, not chess.

April 17th – Emma Roberts and Garrett Hedlund (Joe’s Billy Lynn co-star) visit Joe and Taylor at their LA place. (x)

April 24th – Taylor sends @/daylightanna – a family friend of the Alwyns – reputation merch and a signed photo for her birthday. (x)

April 26th – Taylor posts a video of her cat Benjamin Button, and Joe’s hand is clearly visible at the start of the clip. (x)

April 30th – In the ME! behind the scenes video where Taylor meets Benji, she says she has to “get on the phone” before she can adopt him. (x)

May 1st – In an interview with iHeartRadio Canada, Taylor is asked about how she chose Benji’s name. (x)

What made you decide to go with the name Benjamin Button?

I really liked the movie Benjamin Button.

Okay, that’s a good answer.

And Benjamin Button in the movies is such a good guy, you know? He’s always doing the right thing.

May 2nd – The day after the BBMAs, Taylor leaves Las Vegas for London.

May 4th – Taylor is seen in Notting Hill (again).

May 15th – Taylor is interviewed on The Ellen Show, and at one point Ellen says to the audience, “We have to take a break, and then uh, we’re gonna come back and she’s gonna talk all about her boyfriend!” (video)

May 21st – Taylor leaves LA for London, and then she and Joe fly to France the next day.

May 24th – Taylor and Joe are seen out in Paris together. (x)

They visit the Pont Neuf Bridge and the Square du Vert-Galant, where scenes from the Begin Again music video were filmed.

They also went to the Grand Palais on the same trip.

Joe posts these photos that Taylor took. 

May 25th – In an interview with NRJ Paris, Taylor was asked what she would do if her boyfriend forgot her birthday. (x)

“Wouldn’t happen. I don’t know how to react to something that is an impossibility. I’m so loud about my birthday, you couldn’t miss it.”

May 25th – Taylor likes and reblogs this chain post.

May 26th – Taylor posts photos from her hotel room that Joe most likely took.

May 31st – Taylor and Joe go on a double date with Rob Pattinson and Suki Waterhouse at San Vicente Bungalows in LA. (x)

The San Vicente Bungalows is an exclusive members-only club and has a "no phones, no pictures, no social media, no talking about other members-policy." So it truly is the perfect place for two private couples to have a double date out.

Other people still saw Swift, Alwyn, Pattinson, and Waterhouse, and one onlooker told Us Weekly that the date happened. It was good fun. "The four were laughing and talking" all night, the onlooker said. "They were at a table, just the four of them. Rob and Taylor were across from each other."

June 12th – Katy Perry posts a photo from Taylor’s place, and a blurry polaroid of Joe and Benji can be seen in the corner.

June 19th – Taylor leaves NYC and flies to London.

June 27th – Taylor films the BBC Children In Need documentary and says she got involved because Olivia Colman reached out to Joe.

(via taylorswifth)

Olivia talks about how she managed to get Taylor to show up and surprise Shaun. (x)

“Taylor Swift goes out with a very lovely fella, Joe Alwyn, who I did a job with. And I did a very cheeky text at him and went, ‘Do you think Taylor will come along and surprise Shaun Dooley?’”

June 29th – kingkeir tweets about Taylor renting a place near London Zoo.

July 2nd – Taylor, Martha, Ashley and the HAIM sisters go on vacation to the St Thomas Virgin Islands. (x)

July 6th – Joe finishes filming A Christmas Carol, the same day Taylor and her friends are papped flying back to the US. They presumably meet up in New York the next day.

July 10th – Taylor performs at the Amazon Prime Day Concert in NYC. Throughout the show–and especially during Delicate–she kept looking and pointing at Joe, who was sitting in the soundbooth. (video)

In Ashley’s IG story, Gigi says “Taylor can’t stop looking at him!” and she replies “here text him!” (video)

July 11th – The day after the Prime Concert, they fly from NYC to London.

July 13th – Taylor and Joe were reportedly seen at Starbucks in Muswell Hill.

July 16th – In a radio interview with KIIS 1065, Katy Perry talks about ending her feud with Taylor. (x)

“I started seeing her around at like the Oscar parties when she was accompanying her boyfriend and I just went up to her and I was like 'hey, you know it's been a long time and I think we've grown up a little bit and I just wanted to say I'm sorry.”

July 18th – Taylor and Joe fly to Manchester, and it’s pretty likely that this photo (posted on July 26) was from this trip, because it was taken at the Peak District and that’s an hour long drive from Manchester.

July 20th – Joe and Taylor arrive in LA.

July 24th – Taylor likes this post. 

July 23rd – Taylor films the Lover music video in LA. Joe and Andrea are seen sitting together on set. (x)

July 25th – Riley Knoxx posts a vlog on her YouTube channel about her experience of being in the YNTCD video. She talks about her conversations with Taylor on-set, and how Taylor showed her photos of her with Joe. (x)

“We talked about everything, from whether we want kids or not, [Taylor] showed me videos of her cats and her boyfriend, who she’s rarely seen with, but she’s showing me, you know, the pictures.”

July 30th – In an interview with Cosmopolitan, Rebel Wilson is asked whether she got some dating tips from Taylor while they were filming CATS. (x)

“She’s in a pretty committed relationship now, so it didn’t really come up.”

August 2nd – London secret sessions are held.

Taylor name dropped Joe when explaining Cruel Summer, confirming that it’s about him. (x)

She also talks to theirgetawaycar about spending Christmas in Ireland, which stacks because we know she spent the holidays with Joe and their families at Glin Castle.

-

Keep reading

-

2016 // 2017 // 2018 // 2020 // 2021

[mycrofts-gunbrella]

Right, I honestly can’t believe I’m having to make a post like this but here we go..

A couple of days ago I found two gifs of Mark Gatiss loose on the internet. Not from a tumblr page, nor any website with a creditable name. I then uploaded these two gifs onto my dashboard and it gained a tiny bit of attention (less than 20 notes).

From here, I ended up getting an individual who claimed the gifs were hers- and I’m not doubting this, it’s whatever- and then proceeding to comment a url to the original post.

Great. That’s fine! Absolutely okay!

I merely then stated that the url didn’t work for me. But I apologised on my post, proceeded to ask if the individual would still like me to put their name down as credit, even though I didn’t get the gifs directly from her and had no form, therefore, of knowing who originally made them.

I had no answer. I then scrolled through my own dashboard and saw that this individual had made an entire new post with the whole of the gifset they had made with a smaller caption, at the time, of simply stating that they’d seen a post go round with two of their gifs and so she was re-posting the original.

Again, this is absolutely fine. No worries.. but I proceeded again to apologise, offer to give credit or, alternatively, just delete the post. I, again, had no answer.. but then saw that another comment had been added, indirecting me about taking the gifs and stating that people should give credit “and no- the ‘internet’ doesn’t count”. As though it was like I was lying about where I had found the gifs- I wasn’t. Trust me, I’m not that desperate for gifs, nor feigning recognition for running a three second video through an app to make it into a gif.

Once again, I apologised. I took down the post, reiterated that I genuinely didn’t find them on tumblr or anything alike, said sorry once more for the confusion and even reblogged their post stating my apology, outlined my mistake, and encouraged others to instead return to the original post and share from there instead.

I haven’t heard back from the individual at all during this, despite it being a fairly long time since I messaged and they have made other posts/comments or whatever since. I will now be taking the action to simply block them and get on with it- which is something I didn’t think I’d have to due as I usually love my interaction with the tumblr community.

I just never expected to be so rudely indirected and ignored following an honest mistake in which my apologies were ignored, despite my removal of what they claim I “stole”. Frankly, I feel pathetic even making this post, but I understand we have mutual pages in common and I just want to make it clear that I am not a bad person. I admit to my mistakes and errors, apologise for them, and rectify the situation to the best of my ability.

And I know it’s not really the point, and I know some people get more possessive over others about things.. but the fact this has come about over a gif is what has upset me more. Nothing would stop me taking literally about 3 minutes of my time to screenrecord the EXACT time stamp of the video in which this gif came from, and running it through a free app on my phone to make it a gif.. thus, making it my own. If it was an original piece of art work I found, honestly I’d accept any slander I received. As an artist, I’d be gutted seeing something that took hours of my time gaining attention without being credited.. but this was two gifs.. probably took no more than 5-10 minutes to make the entire set. By using an app and a public video available to everybody.

I just.. I’ve been having an awful time in my life with my mental health, and maybe this is why I’m taking it to heart a bit more. But being targeted by somebody over double my age over something so tiny has really upset me, especially since I tried all I could to rectify and apologise for it.

I won’t be on here for a while now. I need to sort my head out and let this blow over. I know it sounds dumb, but I just can’t be on here right now. Apologies to people enjoying my fics, I know I said I’d update soon, but I’m just not in the right headspace.

If you’re just going to comment negative stuff, don’t. Please. If you’re just going to forward this on to the person I blocked. There’s no point. I’ve apologised, I’ve deleted the post, and they’ve chosen not to accept. If they still make comments about me, I don’t want to know. If you can’t accept that this has upset me, just block me- I don’t want to have to deal with negativity on an account that has been my comfort for over four years now on a website I’ve loved for so much longer.

I’m going to delete the tumblr app and be completely inactive for a few days at the very least. Sorry again to the person I upset, sorry if you truly thought I stole something you had made intentionally, and sorry to anyone who I’ve upset in the process. Sorry for making this post.

See you whenever,

mycrofts-gunbrella

[niamhuncensored]

I posted 9,478 times in 2021

217 posts created (2%)

9261 posts reblogged (98%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 42.7 posts.

I added 199 tags in 2021

#famous post - 75 posts

#tma - 22 posts

#food - 22 posts

#youtube - 19 posts

#evolved - 13 posts

#unreality - 12 posts

#the flesh - 10 posts

#show to brother - 10 posts

#dc comics - 9 posts

#flashing tw - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#just to be like 'im so sorry you lost your mother. you vould have taken some great pictures with her with the moto g stylus's 48 mp cameralo

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

An embroidery for The Eye. I tried to make the tape rolls green like eyes.

54 notes • Posted 2021-09-12 17:42:08 GMT

#4

A knock-off double-sided embroidery for the flesh! Looks like beef and tastes like veal, if you catch my drift ;)

54 notes • Posted 2021-10-11 17:09:07 GMT

#3

Some cool things the good place did imo

Eleanor's tastes didn't change as she became a better person. If she liked messily eating chili cheese dogs and burping afterwards, then she loves it even as she debates moral particularism.

Encouraging and feeding a special interest literally saves the day!

Jason doesn't stop being a dumbass as he becomes a better person. But he still meditates.

The whole show tbh

Pointing out how complicated life has gotten. There's a good amount of "there is no ethical consumption under capitalism" in there too

Focus entirely on self improvement and not being innately good

Subsequent conclusions that anyone can improve and it's never too late to start.

Lots of great representation!

Calling P*wd*ep*e a bad person

Holding people accountable! No "I forgive the shitty things you did even though you didn't apologize because I'm a Good Person ©" here!

Everyone in Australia has an australian accent (the amount of times characters from a non-british country have a British accent...)

The way parallel stories tie into each other (I'll link a video when I get the chance)

The cg. It's not always perfectly realistic but it's always perfectly delightful

The ultimate conclusion of "just be fucking nice!"

58 notes • Posted 2021-01-01 04:46:30 GMT

#2

The idea that a self-dx'd adhd person might be harming professionally-dx'd adhd people somehow is fucking mind boggling to me. There's nothing I can think of that a self-dx'd person can use that would stop a pro-dx'd person from using it.

Coping strategies are limitless. Fidget toys are a product, not a service. You can't get medication without a prescription, but it's still not really rare. School and work accomodations are similar to the coping strategies in that they can be used by an infinite number of people. And people largely already don't take us seriously so they're not "giving people with real adhd a bad name."

Frankly I don't even care if you're not diagnosed at all. You think a fidget will help you? Go get that fidget! I recommend @stimtastic! Need coping strategies? Check out the How To ADHD YouTube channel! You deserve to work and live with convenience and comfort!

86 notes • Posted 2021-05-31 16:38:14 GMT

#1

Chocolate cake with peanut butter icing

My grandmother died from Alzheimer's today. This was her favorite recipe.

For the cake

2 cups flour

2 cups sugar

3\4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

2 teaspoons baking soda

1 teaspoon baking powder

Pinch salt

2 eggs

1\2 cup oil

1 cup strong-brewed coffee (instant is fine)

1 cup milk

For the icing

1-2 cans white or vanilla frosting (preferably not the pre-whipped variety)

peanut butter or nut butter of choice (up to your discretion)

to make the cake

combine dry ingredients and sugar in large bowl, whisking between ingredients

combine wet ingredients in 4-cup measuring cup (or a bowl, i'm not your dad)

mix wet ingredients into dry. batter should be thin and watery

pour into baking dish, bake at 350 f until skewer in center comes out clean (cannot remember how long that takes. about an hour i think)

to make the frosting

scoop out frosting into mixing bowl

scoop nut butter into same mixing bowl

mix, preferably with beaters

to frost cake

do not remove cake from baking dish. cake is very delicate

put frosting on cake however you like

share cake with loved ones

(this is safe to reblog. I like to think a piece of Oma will live on when people make this.)

124 notes • Posted 2021-06-22 01:57:41 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[kaiowut99]

Phew, finally finished re-finalizing my finalized GX stuff so far!

Over the last few weeks well I guess months--initially while I waited for some potential editing help for 65, then [once I canned the last fix I’d planned; sorry to those I may have slightly annoyed with my casual reblogs about it] just to get it all done while in Rome before double-releasing 65 and 66--I’ve been giving my scripts one final look-through to fix any consistency or formatting issues with my newer stuff (things like my starting to use “Fusion Undone” as De-Fusion’s translated name before accidentally going back to “Fusion Cancel” or turning “Miss Asuka” back to “Asuka-san” since I’d meant to use that whenever “Asuka-sama” was used, or the way I’d italicize contractions or capitalize things), and also to sort of go and do things I should’ve done initially (like translating Daitokuji’s nyas into meows, the logic being that it’s what we’d hear in English anyway; hopefully this is one that goes over well?).  Basically just to cross them off my list so I don’t go back to them at all.  The plan is also to work on new finalized MKV softsubs that I’ll release on NAC for those who’d like ‘em, since Zeratul (who’d provided them before) hasn’t in a long while, and once I do them for 1-66, they’ll be a thing going forward.

While I was at it, I applied some other animation/footage fixes to things I hadn’t picked up on in my initial finalizing run-through as I started doing them, or polished a couple that I did.  Some might wonder “why put in the effort for quick shots or at all no one cares,” but as I’ve mentioned before, as someone who loves GX with some [I think good?] skills using Photoshop/video editing and an eye for detail, I figured if I have time to improve it for people (especially those who might notice the same errors I did) where the staff didn’t take the chance to do so on the DVDs (where they usually would), then why not? (I was actually inspired to do it by KaiserNeko doing the same for DBZ during DBZ Abridged.) The fixes I work on are done for both my hardsubs and the DVDRips I release with the scripts over on NAC, and there’s a thread there with the original DVDRips I work off of as well, in case anyone doesn’t like them (most/all of my finalized Season 1 scripts were re-timed for them by someone there, but I’ll take some time out to do it myself too now that I’ve re-finalized them), along with the CR subs which I’ve said should be shown love too.  I’ll list these new fixes out below by each episode, for anyone super curious about the details; some are kind of interesting, lol. (Did my best to format it so it’s readable, too, lol.)

So, yeah--keep an eye out for the links to actually-final 1-64 on my stream masterpost to be updated along with 65 and 66 once I post them (probably tomorrow), I’ll be updating the links in my NAC thread to the hardsubs and scripts I’ve re-finalized along with any DVDRips updated with the fixes below, and as I get work going on 67+ (which I’ve started a bit of) I’ll work on batches of the softsub MKVs for folks.  For people looking forward to my 65 and 66, really appreciate the patience the past couple of months; hoping to work on some double-releases to make up some time.

Extra-Final Fixes!

Episode 4 (Since I didn’t include a list of the previous fixes I’d worked on in the original release post, I’ll include those here in italics; the new ones here were mainly noticed as I worked on 66 given the flashback to Judai and Manjoume’s duel here--the edits were applied there first, then I went back and applied them here. The fixes I’d already done were applied to the flashback in 66 as needed.)

As Judai takes damage from Clayman’s destruction by VW-Tiger Catapult, Judai’s LP start counting down from 3808 and not 4000; I fixed it in Sony Vegas by masking in a LP counter starting from 4000 for a few frames.

As Judai prods Manjoume into choosing a card from his hand for A Hero Appears’s effect, Manjoume’s part of a split-screen has part of his blazer semi-faded for a frame; I corrected it by just duplicating a later frame.

As Judai’s LP take a hit from V-to-Z destroying Burstlady, there are four frames where the upper part of his Disk is missing the bottom part that extends out--but it shows up in the next frame, which also causes Judai’s Disk wrist grip to vanish for the rest of the shot before Shou’s split-screen comes on, as the parts of his arm for it are colored like his jacket sleeve.  To fix the first issue, I used Photoshop to draw on that bottom part in that first frame, then masked it into the shot in Sony Vegas for the other three frames.  The second issue I fixed by recoloring his sleeve to account for the wrist grip, then masking the edit into the shot while masking the little destroyed Solid Vision bits above the edit.

Had a few things going on here.  First, after Manjoume mocks Judai being wide open just after the above, we have one of many recycled shots through the episode where Judai insists that he’s still got fight in him--the initial frame has Judai in the same position as edit #3 ends with his wrist grip missing, but it reappears as he moves to stand firm while the shading on the lefthand side of his Disk’s Cemetery slot is wonky for a couple of frames.  Second, as Judai moves back into his initial position, that shading is normal but the wrist grip again disappears into his sleeve, and this time that bottom bit of his Disk’s upper part is colored as part of Judai’s sleeve, making his arm shorter.  Third, as Judai moves to draw, the wrist grip reappears and that bottom part is now colored properly, but Judai’s arm isn’t extended like it was at the start of the shot. Finally, as Judai draws, the wrist grip is there but that whole part of his wrist is colored like it (no red noting the end of his jacket sleeve).  I fixed the first issue by copying the wrist grip edit from #3 and copying the moving Cemetery slot shading from the second part here.  The second issue was fixed once I again copied the wrist grip edit from #3, along with using the initial frame to mask in the correct Disk/forearm coloring.  Then, I fixed the third issue by copying the rest of the area below the Disk’s bottom bit from the later shot in edit #7 below where it was colored correctly.  I fixed the last issue by recoloring the first wrist grip curve into red for the end of Judai’s jacket sleeve for five frames.

As Manjoume’s V-to-Z aims directly at Judai, as he discards two to activate Evolutionary/Transcendant Wings, the Winged Kuriboh on his Disk is in Attack Mode when it’s in Defense on the field; I blanked its Monster Zone in Photoshop and then added a Winged Kuriboh proxy in AfterEffects correctly in Defense Mode.

As Judai swings his arm around telling Winged Kuriboh LV10 to “send all that energy right back” at Manjoume, the spot on his Disk where Winged Kuriboh LV10 appears for a few frames is colored like the Monster Zone it’s on; I just applied a Winged Kuriboh LV10 proxy above it for those frames.

Again, a few things here as we recycle the Judai shot in edit #4 (but he’s smiling so it’s different~). First, after Manjoume mocks Judai’s idea of him drawing a 1000-ATK-or-higher Monster to finish him, the initial frame of this shot is pulled from just before Judai moves to draw in edit #4 because the wrist grip is missing along with the bottom bit of his Disk being colored like his jacket.  Then, as Judai moves to draw and grabs a card from his deck, as his Disk arm swings upward for a few frames, the wrist grip area is first 90% colored like his sleeve, with half of the first curve of it on his sleeve colored like the grip, before it’s fully colored like his sleeve for the other frames.  Finally, as Judai fully draws and his Disk swings back to the bottom of the shot (recycling Judai’s position post-draw in edit #4), the wrist grip is gone, but also Judai’s undershirt is miscolored, part of the folds on Judai’s jacket sleeve near his elbow are colored like his Disk, and his Disk is miscolored or missing a few details compared to the earlier shot (like the bottom side of the blue LP orb being colored blue as well and not the Disk’s gray as before).  I fixed the first issue by copying the fixed initial frame from edit #4, masking it in Vegas to just use the Disk/wrist grip area.  The second issue was fixed as I recolored the wrist grip area such that the first curve was fully red and the rest was wrist-grip-colored for the three frames of Judai’s Disk arm going upward.  I fixed the third issue by just masking in Judai’s Disk and arm (up to the edge of his wrist) from the earlier correctly-colored shot, while also masking in his correctly-colored undershirt.

As Judai summons Featherman--to Shou and Chronos’s surprise--and has him lunge at Manjoume for the finisher, the black faraway box that is Featherman on his Disk disappears as Shou and Chronos slide in on a split-screen, and it’s still gone as they slide back out.  I fixed this in Vegas by just masking that black box on to stay longer, masking in Shou’s split-screen over it before and after it slides in.

Episode 8 (Original release post; as with episode 4′s, these new errors were mainly noticed as I worked on 66 given the flashback to Judai and Ryou’s duel here--the edits were applied there first, then I went back and applied them here.  The fixes I made before were applied to the flashback in 66, as well.)

After Judai thinks about how well Ryou played his first move, he draws Fusion for his turn, but as he draws it, it’s a dark-orange rectangle in his hand; I added a Fusion proxy over it in AfterEffects for the quick 2-3 frames it’s in.

After Judai’s first hit on him, Ryou draws and Special-Summons another Cyber Dragon, but visually he’s playing a Monster in face-down Defense Mode on his second Monster Zone--we see this Cyber Dragon in Zone 3 a few shots later as he uses Revival of the Dead to bring back his first Cyber Dragon.  The dub fixed this by making his Disk arm move such that Ryou’s hand lands on Zone 3, with the card in his hand a dubified Cyber Dragon, and I opted to work that into the footage here by masking their moving Disk over the original shot in Vegas, redoing the sky background behind it and masking in parts of Ryou and his hand to make it blend well while also adding some detail to the Disk in Photoshop to compensate for the slightly lower quality.  Then, I replaced the dubified card with a Japanese Cyber Dragon proxy in AE.  I worked on this in 66 first (as highlighted here), but I unfortunately couldn’t just copy that edit completely here, since the footage in 66 has a bit more brightness/contrast to it that I couldn’t dial down accurately to make it blend in to the darker footage here; this is definitely the kind of error that would normally be fixed on the Japanese DVDs, so why it wasn’t is a mystery.

As the screen zooms in on Judai after Ryou declares Cyber Twin’s attack, he’s missing Thunder Giant on his Disk’s third Monster Zone; I added a proxy onto it in AE and masked the red bulb on his Disk over it in Vegas.  It’s tiny and a quick shot, but for consistency’s sake and all. (I’d previously only added that missing Thunder Giant as it zooms out while he activates A Hero Appears).

As Judai thinks about how Evolutionary Wings would evolve his Winged Kuriboh and the screen fades and zooms out to Bubbleman on his field, he’s missing Bubbleman on his Disk in his third Monster Zone.  I added it in AE, then keyframed this zoom-out for it accordingly in Vegas.

Right after #4 above, as Judai notes that he can’t Normal-Summon again this turn, we see Mudballman--which he hasn’t summoned yet--in Defense Mode on his Disk.  When I first fixed this, I put Bubbleman in its place, but accidentally in Defense Mode (given that he’s in Attack Mode right now), so I fixed my own correction by blanking the third Monster Zone Mudballman was on and slapping Bubbleman on in Attack Mode in AE, moving it along with Judai’s Disk. (Still not sure why the dub decided Mudballman = VW Catapult or something apparently lol)

Episode 10 (Original release post listing the original two fixes that were done)

After Mei draws out his Sanga thanks to Kyuu’s Dark Designator card, during the panning shot as Mei adds it to his hand (before they tell Judai and Shou they’ll enlighten them about Tag Dueling), the Defense-Mode Burstlady on Judai’s Disk is shown reversed; I just applied a proxy in AfterEffects on top of it so it was correctly shown with the name box facing left.

After summoning Steam Gyroid, as Shou notes that summoning Hyuga left Kyuu without a defending Monster, the above shot is recycled--this time, reversed so it pans from Shou to Judai, but also has Judai react to what Shou’s saying--and so is the error with Burstlady on his Disk.  Again, just applied a proxy in AE to fix it, moving it as Judai moves his Disk.

As Shou looks down in disappointment after his Steam Gyroid’s attack ran into Hyuga’s effect, Judai turns to give him some words of encouragement, but as his Disk moves with him, we see the Defense-Mode Burstlady on his Disk again facing the wrong way.  Just slapped a proxy on in AE and moved it as Burstlady’s Zone came into view.

After Gate Guardian destroys Shou’s Steam Gyroid, as Chronos watches on and notes Shou’s timidity vs Judai’s stubbornness while the two look on at the Meikyuu Brothers, we see the Defense-Mode Burstlady on Judai’s Disk facing the wrong way again.  Fixed it by placing the proxy again in AE, then zooming it out accordingly as the shot zooms out.

After Mei sets a card and Judai prepares to draw for his turn, there’s a yellow rectangle where his Defense-Mode Burstlady should be.  Applied a proxy in AE over it to fix the issue.

Episode 11  (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

As Kyuu draws once Judai sets a card to end his turn using Spark Gun on Gate Guardian, the spot on his Disk where Defense Wall in Defense Mode would be has an Attack-Mode-shaped hole where you can see the blue of the stands behind him! I fixed it by making a Defense Wall proxy that I slapped on in Defense Mode in AfterEffects, moving it with his Disk.  For the tail end of the shot where the Zone is fully visible, I also filled in the hole with the Zone color in Photoshop and then applied the proxy.

As Shou declares Gate Guardian the target of his Shield Crush, the card back for the one card in his hand is miscolored.  I fixed it by redrawing the usual card back in Photoshop for the frames it’s in, Gaussian Blurring it so it blends in, before he turns and they’re out of the shot.

After Mei ends his turn having attacked Drillroid with Dark Guardian amused at Shou’s standing back up thanks to Judai, as Judai draws for his turn, his face-down card is miscolored. I recolored it in Photoshop for the few frames it’s in, working it into the footage in Vegas.

After Judai draws from Pot of Greed after the above, he goes on to activate Fusion Gate, but Sparkman on his Disk is reversed; I applied a proxy in AE facing upright, then keyframed it to the zoom-out here in Vegas.

As Judai realizes he’ll need to give up Skyscraper so Tempester can survive Dark Guardian’s attack, the Tempester card on his Disk is reversed; I applied a proxy in AE facing upright, then keyframed it to the zoom-out here in Vegas.

As Judai and Shou reel from the above attack once Kyuu ends his turn, Shou has a Normal Monster card where Drillroid would be on his Disk.  I fixed it by slapping on a proxy in AE for the couple of frames it’s visible in before Shou moves his Disk so it’s not onscreen.

I polished my edit to Misawa to keep his sideburns still in episode 12 and added it to the equivalent shot in the preview here.

Episode 12 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

As noted in 11′s #7, I polished my original fix to Misawa’s moving sideburns as a buffed-up Hell Soldier took out his Hydroggedon so it blended in more with the smoke and everything going on in the shot; looks better now.

As Manjoume declares Hell Burner’s attack on Misawa, there are two quick frames where it’s a yellow rectangle on his Disk; I applied a Hell Burner proxy in AE accordingly.

Episode 18 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

After Kagurazaka brings back Berfomet to take the hit from Thunder Giant and he starts his turn, as he activates Reincarnation of the Dead, there’s a quick frame where it shrinks in his hand as the shot zooms out--I fixed this by just duplicating the frame just before where it’s normal.

After Kagurazaka summons the Gazelle he added to his hand above, he then activates Swords of Sealing Light, but there’s a quick frame where it’s just a yellow shape in his hand.  Easy fix by slapping a proxy in AE.

Episode 30 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

As Shou and Hayato realize they’re no longer being boiled alive, Hayato audibly asks, “Huh? Where are we?”, but his lips only move for the “Huh?” part of that as he lifts his head.  To fix this, I used the couple of flaps as he lifts his head and tweaked/resized them so they would work after his head’s lifted, adjusted to fit his line.

Episode 31 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

As Chronos sets a card down after Camula brings out another Immortal Werewolf, Antique Gear Soldier on his Disk is shown as a Normal Monster Card; I originally fixed this by slapping on a proxy in AfterEffects while the shot was still, then keyframe-zooming it out in Vegas, but at the time, I didn’t account for Chronos’s swinging arm, so the card was superimposed over his hand for a frame or two as it swung over that Zone.  I’ve masked his hand over my edit now, so that’s fixed.

Episode 38 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

After Judai summons Wildman in Defense Mode to start the duel and the lights suddenly go out (prompting the “duel of darkness/duel in the seas” mixup...), we see Wildman’s in Attack Mode on the field despite its Defense posture.  I fixed it by applying a proxy there, then masking Wildman’s lower body and the shadow coming from his sheathed sword on top of it.

Episode 46 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

As Judai reminisces about the past year, he flashes back to his duel with Ryou in episode 8 and his Featherman being vaporized by Cyber Dragon; I added back the fix I did to Judai’s Disk in removing his destroyed Featherman for the few frames it’s onscreen.  Because the flashback fades to white right then too, I also added a quick mostly-transparent layer of white over the blanked zone to replicate the start of the fade to white so it blended in.

As Judai then looks over at Shou and Hayato and he remembers his first encounters with them (a bit reanimated, too), there’s a quick frame where Hayato’s gritted-teeth mouth disappears before it closes into a line for his mouth.  Fixed by just reusing a frame of his mouth in the same position and moved it into place in the panning shot.

Episode 51 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

As Ryou notes that Judai’s studied up on him by choosing to go second, Judai slides in on a split-screen, but the top of his hair’s miscolored.  Fixed by recoloring it in Photoshop, then working it into the footage in Vegas by moving it into place as he slides in.

As Ryou uses Time Capsule to hide away his Fusion Undone/De-Fusion for later and Judai thinks back to his move in episode 8 leading to his activating Power Bond, I added back my fix to Ryou’s Disk to add on his missing two Cyber Dragons and the one Cyber Dragon in his hand, grayscaling it and adding visual noise to it to blend with the flashback.

Episode 54 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

After Chronos pins his hopes on Manjoume, as Gokaido draws for his turn, we see an error where his Disk apparently partially vanishes for two movement frames--it seems the animation staff forgot to put the background layer behind his Disk there or something, lol.  I fixed this by actually filling in the rest of his Disk in Photoshop for those two frames, first by filling in the Disk itself and then painting on the rest of the Monster Zone at the edge of the frame, and then just added them to the video in Vegas.

Episode 59 (Original release post listing the original fixes that were done)

After Shining Flare Wingman returns while Ed explains Misfortune’s effect, of the D-Heroes on his Duel Disk, we see Diamondguy and Diehardguy reversed.  I originally slapped on proxies for them positioned correctly in AfterEffects on the frame after the slow zoom-out stops, then in Vegas I used that frame to re-do the initial zoom-out, but while I usually add a slight blur to the proxies, I noticed that they were a bit too blurry as the zoom-out started.  So I redid it and lightened the blur, while also touching up the bit as Misfortune’s light envelops Ed and his Disk so the light over them blends in more.

Episode 62 (Original release post, though I didn’t do any fixes before)

As Judai uses Dandylion’s effect to summon his two Fluff Tokens, Cocoon Dolphina--visually in Defense Mode on the field--is in Attack Mode on Judai’s Disk in the panning shot to them.  I fixed it by first blanking the Zone in Photoshop, then placing a proxy in the Zone for one frame in AfterEffects before I re-panned that frame for the shot.

[addictedtooverwatch]

Hello again, Nova! Simply love your blog, heheh! Sooo, today I reblogged some post about Lúcio's concept art fan skin about Iara, a mermaid character from Brazilian folklore. As Brazilian myself, i've always dreamed since getting in the OW fandom if Blizzard's gonna add some new Brazilian character in Overwatch 2. Specially a woman, a black one with curly hair, I really wanna see some new character with curly hair. I don't know if you know the Brazilian woman's stereotype, but I think if they were to add a new girl from Brazil, she'll definitively looks stereotypical, as McCree are based on American cowboy's stereotype. BUT ANYWAYS, after that looong chat, I'll ask: Is possible to have a new Brazilian character? Maybe from Rio or any place here in Brazil like São Paulo, Pernambuco, etc. What if her backstory got something linked with Lúcio's one? OOH, better! She is a technological designer like Symmetra, but not from Vishkar! Again, sorry to bother you, I know that ask took long but aaaa, really wanna a Brazilian girl! Can't wait for OW 2! Anyway, thanks for the patience, have a nice daaay~

I'm so glad you have been enjoying the stuff that I post, I've had a lot of fun doing it! I looked up the Lucio concept art you mentioned and I think I found it, correct me if I'm wrong. The art was by @folksywindow and this is the link for the specific post. I'm not too familiar with Brazilian folklore, I'm a big Greek mythology geek and Percy Jackson is probably my favorite book series ever, but I looked into it and the stories featuring Iara are really interesting. Sidetracked a little, but I think with Rio being added as a map there is definitely a chance that we could see another Brazilian character being added to the game. Since Rio is being added, I would assume that Blizzard wants to give us more information about Lucio, so adding another character to connect to him, whether playable or a hero missions/cutscenes character, would make a lot of sense.

If she was playable, then I think that giving her a similar kit to Symmetra would be really cool. It would be a good way of giving Symmetra someone to connect to if she gets a redemption arc. With all that said, the biggest question that comes to my mind is, what would her role be? We know that Lucio is already Support, so she probably wouldn't be a support, and Symmetra is supposed to be getting reworked to Support for OW2 which adds to the idea of her not being Support. Personally, I would want her to be a mobile off-tank so that she could either play in a dive, rush or, maybe, double bubble meta with Lucio. 

Hope this answers your question! Also, I saw in a YT video somewhere, I'll link it if I can find it (I found it!), that there are going to be more updates for OW soon which I'm really excited for. ~ Nova

[all1e23]

Astrophile [Pt.14]

Chapter:  Aquila

Summary: Lunch dates and art shows 

Warnings:  It’s kind of a sad chapter which is so unusual for Astrophile and I feel bad about it, okay??? Ends happily, though.  Or the promise of happiness. 

A/N:   That much closer to the end lovelies. 3 more chapters to go!  Send me love because I’m needy, okay??

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are welcomed! Thanks!**

Y/n has been in a funk since that day. 

That terrible, awful day she never wants to speak about. The day she realized Bucky really is only her friend and all the handholding at the zoo was merely friendly, and the flirting was only playful banter she mistakenly took for flirty teasing. She’s aware how laughable the thought of forgetting the entire day is and just how foolish it was for her to think they were anything other than friends.  It’s not as if he has changed the way he has treated her; his actions towards her have stayed the same since they met. Maybe he’s a little more comfortable and a bit more sure of himself around her, but nothing has changed between them. 

In the three months, two week and five days they have known each other, nothing has changed to make her think that his heart was longing for hers the way her heart wanted to belong to him.  

Though she supposes the more significant issue, Bucky’s been dating someone else and never bothered to mention the woman to Y/n.  She thought they were closer than that. She believed he would at least subtly drop a hint that he had started talking to another woman. All those nights they spent talking on the phone he never once brought it up and now grabbing his hand the way she did felt incredibly inappropriate. But she could have sworn that night on the phone when she was drifting off he called her babydoll. It must have been the sleepy twilight playing tricks on her. 

Natasha told her as much. She said there was no way Bucky was seeing someone else and she didn’t know about it, more importantly, there was no way he was seeing someone and let her into Ori’s life. Someone was playing a trick on her. Natasha told her, you’re the only woman he would allow in Ori’s life like that. He keeps his dating life separate from her. It was nice to hear, but it didn’t mean all that much in the end. Ori’s the brightest little girl Y/n has ever met; she wouldn’t put it past her to have figured it out regardless of Bucky’s intentions. 

“Are you ever going to tell me what happened between you and Barnes?” Tony asks as his arm drops behind her on the back of the dark blue couch in her office. After having refused to meet Tony for lunch for the third time this week, he came by with tacos from her favorite place and flipped the open sign to closed. After he purchased the books of all her customers that were currently waiting and politely asked them all to leave. 

And added on their way out, the owner is actually very nice, and I promise not to kick you out when you come back, and you all better come back. 

Y/n narrows her eyes in suspicion as his question tumbles around her head. Tony shouldn’t know anything happened between her and Bucky. The only person she mentioned it to was Natasha so Tony shouldn’t be giving her that know-it-all smirk right now. Tony sighs through her silence and points to her calendar on the wall behind them.

“You erased movie night with Bucky from Thursday. We’ve been talking for two hours now, and your phone hasn’t gone off once. He called you more when we were dating. So what happened?” 

Her eyes lingered on the faded pencil, and little pieces of pink rubbed off eraser; she learned long ago to never write anything down in permanent ink.

Long ago, when the books she read still had pictures on every page, and she was just beginning to learn of the stars, black ink and curly script taught her nothing should be written in ink. It was a conference. Just a simple lecture. It was only supposed to be four days, and then they would be home. Her parents had promised five years old her they would be back in four short days, but they never made it to the conference, and they never came home. The ink on the calendar in the kitchen wouldn’t come off no matter how hard she tried. 

It’s been pencil from that moment on.

“I don’t know,” Y/n says with a shrug and pushes her plate away from her, leaning in to Tony’s side. She couldn’t force herself to eat another bite. She doesn’t have the stomach to eat a plate full of anything right. Tacos or not.

“I thought maybe…” Y/n let her voice trail off and the conversation still, she didn’t want to admit what she thought.   

“You thought what?” Tony urges, bumping their knees together in an encouraging nudge. She looks up from where she’s leaning on him and gives a small shrug, “I thought maybe he was asking me out on a date, so I was excited. It was dumb.” 

Tony shakes his head and presses a kiss to her forehead, “I’ll tell you one thing, the two of you are made for each other, you know that?” 

She slowly sits up and pulls her legs under her, confusing yet curious gleam in her eyes. “What does that mean?“ 

He chuckles and pulls her plate towards him, stealing a bite of one of her untouched tacos as he casually suggests, "Bring him to my wedding." 

Y/n blinks and blinks again. She clearly didn’t hear that right. She shakes the fog away and swiftly drags the plate away from him before being her interrogation, "I’m sorry your what?"

Tony reaches for the dish, but she deliberately keeps it just out of his reach. Tony huffs in defeat and abandons the tacos. 

"Did I not mention I told Pepper…Well, I actually blurted it out in an argument, but I told her that I might be absolutely, unequivocally, in love with her, at least I think so. Never been in love with anyone but her so I don’t have a lot to compare it to and for some reason I can’t figure out she said she loved me too. Happy? Can I have the tacos now?” 

She snorts and passes the plate back over so it’s within his reach once again. It did seem a little fast, but it’s Tony so part of her wasn’t all that surprised. 

"And that means getting married right away? You don’t want to just date and see where it goes?” 

Tony sets her plate back on the table and wraps both of her hands in his. 

"Y/n, I’ve loved her for half my life. When you wait as long as I have, you really don’t want to wait anymore. Though Pepper does want to wait. A year. She’s actually in charge. I pretend it’s me. Don’t tell anyone I said that. She settled on next July.  Bring Barnes with you and maybe by the end of the night, one of you will finally admit how you feel.” 

Y/n couldn’t help but smile at how giddy Tony sounded. Perhaps waiting wasn’t the right choice every time. She has always waited until she was one hundred percent sure the decision she was making was the right choice, ensuring she wasn’t making any mistakes, double-checking, and triple-checking. Maybe she waited too long and checked those little boxes too many times. She should have said something the moment she knew she felt something for Bucky. On the balcony with the peach-colored sky in front of her and delicate whispers in her ear because pinky promises weren’t the only thing exchanged that night. 

There’s no point in dwelling on all that now. Whatever they had was over, if they ever had anything at all.

"I’ll be there. Not sure if Bucky will come with me. Things are weird now. I tried to talk to him, but I felt funny knowing he has someone else. Plus, his girlfriend might not like the idea of him going to someone’s wedding as my date, Tony.” 

Tony furrows his brows and shakes his head, a look of thorough disbelief written on his face.

“Good grief,” Tony sighs dramatically. 

“Just ask him, will you? He will go if you ask him. I don’t think anyone could keep him from being your date and I am pretty sure this fake girlfriend you’re talking about doesn’t stand a chance next to you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and I’m never wrong. It’s a curse really.” 

Fake girlfriend? Yeah, okay. Y/n wants to tell Tony he is about to be wrong for the first time in his life and can join Natasha on the losers bench. He didn’t see the look on Ori’s face when she asked for that book. Whoever the woman is, she’s important to Bucky and to Ori. Just because he has a girlfriend, doesn’t mean they can’t be friends though. They were friends when she dated Tony, so why should this be any different? Bucky held her heart then too, she only couldn’t see it at the time.  

If Y/n asked him to go to Tony’s wedding as a friend it didn’t have to mean more than that. Friends do favors for friends all the time, and this was just that. A simple favor because it could never be more than that. They would probably never be more than friends, and she would have to be okay with that. She drops her head back onto the headrest of the couch in her office and spots the clouds through her small window and she can’t help but wonder what Bucky is doing right now. 

--------

“You grumpy because she canceled on you?” 

Bucky sighed and tipped his head back on the deck chair and looked up at the clouds. Too early for stars, but he wonders where Y/n is and if she’s looking up at the same clouds. Was he grumpy because Y/n cancelled on him? Sam usually didn’t ask questions he doesn’t already know the answer to, but Bucky isn’t so sure he knows the answer to this question. No. No, he’s not– Okay, maybe a little. In truth, he just misses her. He misses talking to her until she falls asleep and their video chats and her laugh and lemon pancakes. 

Yeah, they still talk every day, but it’s different, strange. She’s distant and off, and he doesn’t know how to fix it. So if he is grumpy at all, which he isn’t, that’s why. He doesn’t know how to get them back, and he has no idea how to fix this.

“Nope,” Bucky finally answered, faint but curt. 

“Man… you’re in love with her. Can we just cut the crap and figure out where you went wrong so we can make a plan to fix whatever you did,” Steve nudges Sam’s arm and shakes his head, silently telling him to go easy on the teasing. He’s known Bucky his entire life, and he’s never once seen him this tore up because of a woman he likes. 

“No, I’m not,” Bucky counters.  “Besides, even if I was, I don’t want to bring some woman into Ori’s life just so she can bolt on her.” 

Steve puts a hand on Sam’s shoulder to stop him, but Sam shrugs it off. Now, he’s pissed and he’s done with whatever game Bucky is playing. 

“First of all,  she is not just some woman. You’re upset and hurting so you’re saying some dumb shit right now. I’ll let it slide. Second, Y/n didn’t bolt on Ori. She’s still spending time with her. You just said Nat took her to the bookstore yesterday. Y/n is spending just as much time with Ori as she was before, and peanut has no idea what’s going on. You’re mad she’s not spending time with you.”

Bucky has nothing to say to that because Sam is right. He’s jealous and sad and misses her more than he wants to admit to anyone – himself included. If he doesn’t admit it, if he doesn’t say it out loud then it’s not real, and he still has time.There’s still the illusion he has time with her. 

“Have you tried talking to her and asking what happened?” Steve asks, much gentler than his other half. 

“Yeah, I text her. ‘Bout twenty times, and her replies are weird and stiff. You think I just stopped talking to her completely? I tried, okay?”

Sam rolls his eyes and grumbles under his breath, “For the love of…” He sits up and meets Bucky’s eyes speaking slow and clear, “Have you talked to her in person? Spelled it all out?  Because I swear the two of you need it in a flashing neon sign written out plainly for you both to see.” 

Bucky shifts in his chair and looks down at the empty bottle of water in his hand. Of course, Bucky has thought about driving to the bookstore. He thought about asking her if he did something, or said something to make her drop their night together. He’s thought about it at least a hundred times since she cancelled and every time he’s made it to the front door he stops himself because if he went there only to have her tell him to leave he doesn’t think his heart could take it. 

“She cancelled our date,” Bucky is quick to remind them. “I’m not going to just show up at her bookstore and be a creep when she obviously doesn’t want to be alone with me.” 

 “Your what?” Sam asks, a bit too eager. “She cancel;ed your what?” 

Bucky looks up to find Sam and Steve grinning at him and being set on fire would be a less painful death than this. He chucks his empty bottle of water at the couple who separate long enough to avoid the harmless plastic.

“Shut up. I hate you both,” Bucky stands up checking his phone before slipping it back into his pocket. No new messages. No missed calls. No replies. Not that he expected any. “Alright,” He cleared his throat of any lingering emotions. “Ori has that art show tonight. She’s submitting her fireworks in a jar and parents are supposed to put in their votes for the best artist so I’ll catch you jerks later.” 

“You bringing Ori over after her thing tonight? Just because you’re missing out on your date doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get to see our niece!” Sam shouts after him. Bucky doesn’t bother turning around, simply raises his hand and lets it drop back by his side.

“Yeah, Yeah. Be here around eight.”

Because a night alone was just what Bucky was hoping for. 

-----

Bucky stood next to Ori’s spot at the table her class was assigned to. Apparently, their classes were given animal mascots and her class was the Panda Class. Her table had a big Panda drawn on the bulletin board paper lining the tiny table. Bucky was helping her set up until about ten minutes when he was told by a certain curly-haired little girl that he was, truthfully, doing it all wrong and he should wait there to make sure everyone finds her spot. He has no idea what she is talking about. Bucky thought he put the poster board in the right spot and he’s the only one coming, so Bucky’s not entirely sure who he is supposed to help get to the table. 

Probably best he doesn’t ask, she gets her stress management from her Uncle Steve.

He spins around to check out their competition while Ori works, and there are a few pretty impressive displays. There are several pieces of artwork with bubblegum wrappers and another with melted candy turned into glass and Bucky’s a little worried about their changes. Not that fireworks in a jar aren’t the coolest, most original projects in the room but the parents had to vote (and yeah, Bucky thought that was pretty fucked up when they sent the flyer home) and Bucky knows adults aren’t always fair.

Now, Bucky isn’t proud of this, but for a brief moment, he thought about taking Natasha up on her offer to make sure Ori wins. He wasn’t sure what that would entail but knowing Natasha someone’s pigtails would be clipped by the end of the night. The idea of his bright-eyed girl leaving in tears had his hackles raised, but that wouldn’t be the best way to teach Ori about the real world, losing and earning your wins– Or that’s what Steve said anyway. 

“Daddy!” Ori squealed. “She’s here! She’s here!”

Bucky frowns as Ori rushes by him heading for the front doors of the cafeteria turned art gallery. Who the hell is Ori talking about? Bucky turns around in time to see Y/n hugging Ori against her, beaming like she does anytime she sees Ori. Y/n let Ori take her hand and leads her through the crowd, heading right for him. She looks anxious, maybe, or it could be the crowds. Y/n doesn’t like big crowds. Bucky’s not sure if he’s the reason behind her nerves, but she definitely looks nervous and so damn beautiful. 

Y/n stops in front of him letting Ori run back to the spot with her nametag written in glitter, leaving the two alone for the first time in far, far too long. Bucky catches a whiff of her lemon lotion, and that almond body spray she uses and his heart stutters back to life as if he hasn’t been living without a single beat since he lost her.

“Hey, December.”

Bucky grins for the first time in five days.

“Hey, Beck.”

Previous // Next 

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Opposites Attract

Summary: When Grayson, the dreamer and Y/N, the realist finally get their chance of a life together, they’ll soon realize that although opposites attract, being polar opposites is only perfect on paper. Can they make it work or will their almost epic romance remain just that; an almost.

Warnings: fluff, angst, swearing, implied smut

Word count: 26.8k+

Author’s note - This can be a standalone, but I highly suggest you read Polar Opposites first if you haven’t already. A big thanks to everyone who read/reblogged or sent any kind of feedback on the first one, because I really didn’t expect it to be so well received. I’m really nervous about posting this, so I hope you like it. It’s a longer one, so settle in and get a snack. Enjoy!

She pulls the pillow closer to her chest, gnawing on her bottom lip. Grayson doesn't even look up, choosing to stare at his fidgety fingers in his lap instead. Neither know how to verbalize what they feel, both feeling suffocated and troubled by everything.

"Maybe we were wrong." Y/N says quietly, taking a few short breaths in order to stop a choked sob from escaping her lips. Grayson looks up with furrowed eyebrows, torn about his own feelings and now the words coming from her mouth.

"Maybe we're just too different to make this work." She finished her initial statement, resting her chin on the purple pillow in her grasp to avoid Grayson's gaze.

Silence settles, finding a way to crack their hearts and the sound of their broken hearts shattering on the ground is almost deafening for Y/N to take. Instead of remaining quiet as Grayson is, she continues to speak in hopes of him talking her out of this. She wants him to be the dreamer she met, the same guy who wouldn't let her walk away from everything they've built without a fight. But he doesn't seem to be that guy anymore.

He doesn't seem to be her Grayson.

"Opposites attract on paper, but how often do those stories have a happy ending? Were we wrong from the start?"

It's probably best we rewind a little and take this story back where we left off?

It's been five hours since she got on the plane, still feeling the ghost of Grayson's kiss upon her dry lips. With her eyes closed, the memory of yesterday unfolds again and again while her heart helplessly aches for the man she left behind. She licks her lips once, twice, and takes three deep breaths to calm her sorrowful mind. If she were to let her thoughts about Grayson run wild, she'd never dry her eyes. It's ridiculous how deeply he had touched her soul and how that very soul burned with a desire to be by his side once more. It's almost unbearable, the distance growing every moment she spends in the air.

While she clung to the lingering scent of Grayson's cologne on the clothes he let her borrow, Grayson was anxiously waiting for her to land. Of course, do to her location and two different connective flights, Grayson knew it would take her almost an entire day to get home and be in a good position to contact him. He worried if her head still hurt or if her stitches came undone. He worried if her scraped hands could carry the duffel bag she dragged alongside her. He worried if she might be cold or if she's feeling lonely. Hell, he even worried if she's hungry or thirsty.

Needless to say, Grayson's been driving his older brother insane with his constant questions about her well-being that have long stopped being only inside his head, but became very vocal and outspoken.

The first thing he did after coming home was to get her information out of his desk and make sure he followed her on both Twitter and Instagram, adding her on Snapchat and putting her number and e-mail in his phone. The next thing was to find the plane she was supposed to be on and follow the progress online. The third was to walk in circles around the home he shared with his brother, cleaning and cooking to keep himself busy.

That's how he found it.; her purple, leather jacket.

Grayson practically screamed once he realized what he's holding, turning it over quickly a couple of times to make sure he didn't mistake it for his own jacket. However, the jacket in his hands is a couple sizes too small for him and the clear rips over the elbow area signaled it's hers.

He thought he put it in her bag. He was almost certain about it and the fact that he didn't ticked him off immediately. Not only did her ruin it when she fell, but now he felt like he stole it from her as well.

Despite the guilt washing over him, Grayson brings her jacket to his nose, inhaling her scent. His lips spread, the corners twitching upwards to form a wide smile once he feels her perfume still lingers. And he no longer feels guilty, but happy over this little accident.

This way, he can still hold her. He can still be near her for a while.

Although he knew it would take her some time to respond, Grayson sent her his very first message. He held up the leather jacket by his face and gave her his best 'Oops' face, sending the photo with a short message.

Accidentally became a thief. I swear I didn't do it on purpose. When you can, please let me know you're safe.

Almost twenty hours later, a small ping had distracted him from filming a new video and Ethan didn't even try to hide his dissatisfied groan at the lack of focus his brother displayed that entire day.

"I'm going to smash it, bro. Just try and answer it." Ethan deepened his voice, trying to seem calm and collected with a threatening tone which only reaffirmed what Grayson refers to as his 'cool voice'.

Grayson, however, didn't care about what his brother had to say. He heard a damn ping, one out of many that came through since she left and although not one of those pings were actually from her, he was convinced that this particular ping is. No threat or violent smack at the top of his head would stop him from checking his phone.

He stood up abruptly, crossing the room in three quick strides to grab his phone. Unlocking it, his eyes lit up at the Lil Birdie message on his Snapchat. He was still deciding if he should call her his Lil Birdie or Sunshine, but for now, Lil Birdie lighting up his screen will be the phrase to make his heart hammer inside his chest.

Safe and sound. If you're free, maybe we can video chat? Just a few minutes, because I'm dead and ready to sleep.

His eyes widen, unaware how his precious Y/N is barely awake on the other side of the world, struggling to keep her eyes open in case he's able to talk.

She taps her fingers nervously at the back of her phone, gnawing on the inside left corner of her bottom lip until a ringing sound scares her and her heart rate skyrockets. With a shaky finger, she taps the green phone icon on her display and lifts the phone up just a little above face level to hide her double chin from Grayson.

No need for him to see that, she thought.

"Miss me already?" Grayson drags out his words, accentuating the last part, smirking when she rolls her eyes at him only a second into their conversation.

"Don't be so cocky, Grayson." She warns with a playful tone, pursing her lips ever so slightly. She has no idea how happy her outspoken, no - holding - back way of talking makes him. She's reserved with everyone outside her inner circle and hearing her talk back or roll her eyes at him openly gives him life.

"I can't believe you forgot to pack my jacket. I mean, sure it's ruined now, but I hoped to fix it. It's literally my favorite piece of clothing. I adore it." She gushes, her voice getting deeper and more desperate with every word she spoke and Grayson couldn't help but feel his insides melt with the sheer passion in her tone. If she speaks that way about an item as trivial as a jacket, he could only imagine how good it would feel to hear her talk about him once she officially gives him her heart.

"Sorry, Lil Birdie. It will be waiting for you when you come back, 'kay? I promise I'll keep it." Grayson crosses his index and third finger to signify a promise and she presses her lips together before sighing.

"More reason for me to come back, then." She forces a smile, her eyes half closed and Grayson finally realizes she's barely holding on to her waking state. But she's doing it for him and that gives him a sense of pride, like he matters. He matters and not just to anyone, but to her.

"Thank you for calling me. I really only expected a text. Get some sleep, Lil Birdie." Though his words are meant to get her to sleep and feel better, his heart wishes her to refuse and stay a little longer.

She does too. It's like saying goodbye to him is becoming an ongoing torture and all she wants to do is grab him by his face and put her lips on his. But she can't, so she just nods. When she nods, blows him a kiss and turns the camera off, Grayson felt his heart sink a little and his face dropped.

Y/N fell asleep almost instantly, Grayson still on her mind. Grayson, however, spent the next few hours filming the end to their video with her on his mind. All he wanted was to wrap her up in his arms and feel her heart beating against his chest. But he couldn't.

Once he all but collapsed on his bed, sleeping alone felt foreign to him. In one night, Y/N managed to crawl into every part of his life and now everything reminded him of her and how he wanted her with him.

Everything, even sleeping in his bed.

He turned on the lights and hugged a pillow to his chest, finding a fading scent of her perfume could still be felt on his sheets. And with the comfort of her smell, Grayson's mind drifts to her face and slowly falls asleep.

"So my parents freaked out." She giggles, rubbing her eyes like she just woke up despite it being four o'clock in the afternoon.

"Can't blame them. I did run you over with my car and then made you miss your flight." Grayson's index finger lingers on his chin, his cheeks puffing before he exhales and drags his lips into a Joker type of grin.

"And you stole my jacket!" She reminds him, shifting the phone in her hand to get better lighting and provide her man with a better image of her to memorize. Despite knowing he's enthralled by her, she's undeniably insecure about her looks. It's a constant fear that Grayson will finally see all the faults she sees in herself and run for the hills, leaving her in the dust.

"You'll never let that go, will you?" Grayson suppresses a groan, biting the right corner of his bottom lip gently.

"It just happened yesterday!" Y/N exclaims, chuckling and though he tries to hide the way her laugh makes his heart flutter, a bright smile creeps up to his lips and betrays every little thing she does to him.

And she really does things to him.

"I promise to make it up to you." Grayson winks and quirks his right eyebrow suggestively.

Y/N blushes with the dirty thoughts flooding her mind, imagining every possible way he could make it up to her, but quickly shakes her head to stop the oncoming hurricane of emotions. Thinking about being so close to him again caused her skin to hurt, not just her heart.

"I'm gonna hold you to that, Dolan." She smirks, returning his wink with a sexier version as her lips part ever so slightly in the process. Grayson's jaw drops and he's forced to lick his lips to keep his desires inside only. It's too soon to openly talk about sex, he decides.

"I can't wait to see you again." He whispers, dropping his head on the pillow behind him and sighs.

"Right back at you." She smiles softly.

A distant shout is heard on her side of the line and she frowns, looking away from the camera and to her right.

"Eto me za minutu! (In a minute!)" She shouts back in her native tongue and Grayson can't help but think her talking in a foreign language (foreign to him, at least) is ridiculously hot. It makes her that much more attractive in his eyes and he never knew that would be a turn on. Thanks to Y/N, Grayson's learning new things about himself as well and that's never a bad thing.

"You gotta go?" He asks sweetly, his forehead wrinkling and eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly that she wishes to be by his side to smooth the skin over with her fingertips' gentle touch.

"Yeah. I'll text you before going to bed, again." Her face falls and her lips quiver for split second. It's such a small change in her behavior that many would overlook and yet, Grayson finds himself becoming an expert in reading Y/N Y/L/N. It's because he cares about her. It's because he wants to know every little thing that goes through her mind and keep her thoughts and dreams to himself, for safe keeping. He wants to share her burdens and let her feel alright again. It's no wonder he keeps a lookout for any movement she makes, no matter how small or insignificant it seems.

"I'll probably text you a hundred times before that." Grayson smiles, knowing he has to let her go and face the black screen of his phone again.

"I know." She responds, sending him a kiss and ending the chat.

What she didn't know is that every kiss she sent, Grayson caught in his hand and brought it to his lips, hoping for the ghost kisses to turn into real ones someday soon.

No one knows what distance means until you're forced to part with someone dear to your heart.

For Grayson, it was a loneliness in every waking hour, even when he's surrounded by people around the clock.

For Y/N, it was like each tick of the clock brought a new ache to her heart, like scar tissue burning with desire to be whole once more.

They longed for each other night and day, talking and texting 24/7.

They began to dread a possibility of Y/N not getting into UCLA, though neither voiced those concerns. No, they were far too involved in studying each other's faces and listening to every sound they'd make.

Y/N found herself falling for Grayson's unusually booming laughter and that wheeze that came with it when he truly found something so hilarious he could hardly breathe and despite it being selfish and weird, she liked being the reason behind that wheeze.

Grayson decided he's entranced by the way she purses her lips and raises her eyebrows whenever she schools him, proving she's right. He loved how brilliant her ideas for their videos are, but so did Ethan. They were already filming a video based on her ideas and it was the first out of three they would make. He could only imagine what it would be like when she joined them for real.

But the wait was torture.

Until it wasn't.

"I got in!" She squealed into the phone, jumping in place as Grayson ran through the house toward Ethan screaming the good news in a way Ethan was sure their entire neighborhood knew it too.

Once they calmed down enough to talk, they couldn't stop their dopey smiles from shining through and they both thought the same thing: we'll be together soon.

"Not only did I get into UCLA, but the dorm too and that's so hard to get into! I can't believe it's actually happening. Like I'm actually going to be there!" Her excited tone made Grayson happy, so undeniably happy for her.

But there was one issue.

"Dorm? You're not going to live here with me and E.?" Grayson questions, a little defensive and definitely shocked by this portion of the news he didn't see coming. He was so sure she'd stay with him and he'd be able to drive her to and from classes whenever she needed him. He wanted her to take up that spot in his bed that he'd stare at every night wishing she was there with him, the same spot he deemed hers from the start. He expected her to at least want to live with him, to try. And he's aware how completely insane his feelings are, how overwhelming they might be for her so he tones it down to a minimum, knowing he'll scare her off if he's too aggressive with the image of their future he's had in his mind for a while now.

Ever since the Psychic twins told him he's going to meet his soulmate on camera and that she'll be his polar opposite off camera, he was skeptical.

But then he met her.

Y/N Y/L/N rocked his world and turned it upside down and he didn't care that she did, because he never felt more alive. He never felt more convinced that this girl really was the one. She wasn't like the ones from his past that would delude him into believing there was something true there. She is ice to his fire as he is light to her darkness.

"It would be too weird. I mean, your fans would find out fast and I just don't want you to have to explain everything. Also, I'd really like to experience living on my own, with my own expenses instead of munching off you. Last thing I need is to depend on someone when I'm over there and I just really wanna do this on my own. We'll still see each other all the time." She reasons with him, and her reasons sound legitimate. It's all true, but Grayson wants more. He respects her and her decisions, but he doesn't want her to struggle when she moves. He wants her to have money to live comfortably at least and he wants her to focus on her studies instead of a part time job she'd barely earn anything doing or one where people would be horrible to her. What he wanted for her is to live this dream and to get a chance to do all the things she wanted to do.

It's when he formulated a plan. Well, two plans to be exact and both made to specifically allow him to take care of her and her not knowing it. It would be his secret, slightly shameful, but his actions are driven with good intentions.

It's also the first of many mistakes he'll make that would lead them astray and push them apart more than any of the outside forces they'll deal with.

"Yeah. That's great. Got my full support." He smirked.

"But you should apply to a couple of foundations that help international students with their money issues." He suggests slyly, awaiting for her reaction but only getting a small shrug for his efforts.

"They usually ask for something in return after college and I'm not sure I can deliver."

"I know a few from my friends and they don't ask for anything but good grades. I'll send you some names." Grayson smiles, already texting his manager.

Set up a fake foundation for me to fund an international student and make sure it can't be traced back to me.

"Hey! I'm about to leave and I wanted to give you a heads up. I know you have all my flight info packed away in that beautiful mind of yours, but I also know you tend to forget stuff from time to time. So! Here's a reminder to buy that horde of baby ducks you were talking about to prank Ethan and don't forget to take your antihistamines first in case you run into some other animals in the shop! And don't forget you have to see the doctor about that sinus infection and make sure it cleared up, okay? I'll be there in a day to help you survive. Oh, and please keep the ducks somewhere so I can pet them!"

Y/N took a deep breath, looking at her tearful parents and older sibling, her heart breaking in two. This country, no matter how bad is still her home. It's where she grew up and it's where she became the person she is. Yes, she might be rough around the edges, but she's most definitely not a bad person. Quite the opposite. She's good and kind and Grayson is slowly, but surely helping that side of her be seen more than ever before.

"Sjeti se šta smo te učili i ne brini za nas. Ponosni smo na tebe. A sad idi i osvoji svijet...I momka. (Remember what we taught you and don't worry about us. We're proud of you. Now go and take on the world...And get the boy)." Her mother caressed her cheek, swallowing tears to maintain a brave face for her daughter.

It's incredibly hard to send your children out into the world and have faith the world won't destroy them. It's every day of praying for their safe return and for the darkness to leave them alone. It's daunting and it's something Y/N never thought she'd be able to do because of how strong her family ties are. But sometimes it's good for a soul to do something so daring, so out of the box that will awaken it and give it more context.

Hugging all three of them tightly twice over, Y/N grabbed her suitcase and duffel bag, and headed through security and toward her future. She looked back with tears in her eyes, choked sobs making her feel like she can hardly breathe. But once she's on the plane, looking at the clouds and the vast blue skies, she found serenity.

I'll be with him soon.

Grayson paced around the airport, trying to fight his nerves and excitement as he knew she would be walking to him any second now and he'd finally have her in his arms for the first time in months. All Grayson wants is to wrap his arms around her and see her smiling back at him without a screen and thousands of miles separating them.

Not long after, passengers started filling out and Grayson stops dead in his tracks, searching for her face in the crowd. He's almost desperate, his heart beating erratically with desire, a want, a carnal need to see her. Just to feel her near him would be enough soul food for Grayson to live off for a few more months, but he didn't have to. Not anymore. He'll get to see her every day now and there were no words to describe how that fact makes him feel.

"Go get her luggage and I'll get her." He tells his brother, finally remembering his brother came with him to help take her things home all the while giving them some alone time to catch up on everything.

"Got it!" Ethan exclaims, pocketing his phone and leaving.

Just as Ethan left, Grayson thought of her changing her mind last second in fear. And just as the thought crossed his mind, she came into view.

Her hair is messy and loose, her tank top a bright pink color and her leggings black because she thinks they make her seem skinny. There's a book in her right hand, a duffel bag over her shoulder and Grayson simply feels his heart steady and fall in place. He knows he is exactly where he's meant to be and nothing and no one can convince him otherwise.

She stuffed the book into her bag, looking up seemingly lost for a moment. Grayson itched to get her attention, but couldn't make himself move. He was frozen in place, not moving even when others brushed his shoulder as they passed him. But then her eyes find his and the noise and people around them fade.

Her eyes widen and her smile, the same one Grayson craved for, makes a momentary appearance before the shock wipes it away. Instead of smiling, her lips part as a small gasp leaves her lips and her eyes gaze into Grayson's. Their mutual initial shock lifts and Y/N moves forward, stumbling almost for a few steps until her legs drive her to move faster and faster, sprinting in Grayson's direction. She throws her bag on the ground and Grayson bends his knees, spreads his arms; all in preparation for what he saw coming.

Y/N jumps, her arms wrapping around his neck and her legs wrapping around his waist. Grayson grunts at the impact, stumbling back a step from the force. His arms circle around her lower back, holding her up.

Spinning around, they finally get that feeling they've been searching for. It's the beating of two hearts synchronizing as if it's a single one. It's the breathing where every breath they take is solely so they can use it to tell each other how much they care and how happy they are.

From the sidelines, it looked as if two reunited after years of being apart and they weren't wrong. Every day they spent away from each other felt like a year had passed in their hearts. Hell, even years they didn't know one another were counted in as the time they spent without each other; wasted time. Time they were aimlessly searching for someone to fill the void inside them, but failed every time. Time that convinced them real love is out of reach, especially Y/N. Grayson hasn't quite gotten there yet, but he would have without her. She turned into a comet that flashed through his entirely dark skies after a loss he suffered that every kid dreads from the moment they learn what mortality and death are. She turned his sky so bright, so damn bright he knew there was nothing to fear because the darkness will never swallow him. Not with her hand in his.

Y/N tries to speak, but her voice falters into unintelligible croaks. She wants to tell him she loves him, that he somehow managed to take her heart with him that day they met in the craziest way possible, but she doesn't know if her words are believable yet and she's afraid it will sound hollow. She's afraid of hurting him, even though she knows he feels the same; but she never spoke such heavy words to another man and now might be a little premature. So, she holds her tongue and smiles, watching happy tears collect in Grayson's eyes.

"I love you." But then he whispers those same words in her ear, his hand tangled in the dreadful mess of her hair and his nose buried in the nape of her neck. He inhales her scent, shamelessly moaning at the sensation. He had missed her smell and with the risk of sounding insane and creepy, he still couldn't hide the satisfaction it brought him. The jacket long lost her scent and he had to wash his sheets eventually, but this...this was a whole new fix.

Y/N moves her head back, furrowing her brows in question before vocalizing her thoughts.

"You mean that?" Her voice is soft, vulnerable. Grayson licks his lips, titling his head slightly to his left before giving her a genuine smile with an honest answer.

"I really do, Lil Birdie. I love you." He repeats his statement, noticing her eyes water with his admission.

When her hand touches his face he keeps his gaze away, unwilling to risk rejection. With her fingers on his chin, she turns his head so he can see that there is no judgement in her eyes, only love.

"I love you too, Grayson Bailey Dolan. God help me, but I really, really do."

He leaned in a little closer, their foreheads touching.

She unwrapped her legs from his waist, touching ground with her own two feet, forcing Grayson to bend down, keeping their intimate touch still while she moves her hands to his face. His hand drifted to her hip. It settled there and pulled her closer. She inhaled sharply, relaxing against his warm chest, chiseled to perfection. She splayed her hand against it, intending to push him away in a small panic when her inner voice screamed he'll break her heart, but instead she left it there, ignoring the darkness from within. She wants to believe in Grayson and she wants to believe that opposites really do attract and they won't come crashing down in heartbreak.

Grayson's breathing quickened as did hers. His head was angled slightly to the side as his lips came closer and closer to hers. She was surprised to find her own lips parted, craving the touch of his lips upon hers. Their breaths mingled. Her heart fluttered inside her chest. At first, it was a delicate butterfly of a kiss, like he's afraid she's but a dream he conjured in his mind. Like a stronger touch might break her. When she doesn't move away, but gives into his touch, Grayson smiles into the kiss before allowing his arms to encircle her.

He drew her to him so there was no distance left between them, their lips finding each other in a kiss that stopped their minds from working. This kiss was desperate, passionate, one meant to compensate for months of not being together. Neither cared about the people around them, nor flashing cameras although they truly didn't even notice them.

All they had until now were memories of a single day and single kiss that served as their salvation and their torment. Grayson recounted that day every night in his mind, scared it would be the only day he'd have with her. He dedicated his life to being with her from the moment of that first kiss, for he knew that if he lost her he would lose himself. He knew Y/N's right; all realists were dreamers once and losing her would make him one. She was the half that made him whole and together they were a force to be reckoned with.

Barely able to separate, Y/N's the first to step back gasping for air. Grayson groans lowly at the loss of contact, his hands stopping her from moving too far. They're both out of breath, their lips swollen and spread into two entirely different smiles. Y/N's struggling with her shyness, wondering if a public make out session is appropriate since she's never done it before. She's never been a fan of PDA, but with Grayson it's almost impossible to keep her hands to herself.

Well, she could but why would she want to? He's perfection and the way her stomach flips whenever he looks her way is enough for her to ditch reason and allow him to do as he pleases with her.

Grayson's smile is different. It's wide and dopey, cocky and tempting. He's watching her cheeks redden and a sense of accomplishment takes root because he did that! He made the ice queen melt with a kiss of his lips and she's melted into him.

"So where's Ethan?!" Y/N clears her throat awkwardly, making Grayson narrow his eyes and raise his left eyebrow. But he can tell she needs to normalize them being together now, that she needs a change in the pace of their closeness and he doesn't take it personally. It's how she is; pulling you in with one hand and pushing with the other and it's not because she doesn't love him, because she does! She told him she does and it's more than he ever expected and a part of him is convinced he's dreamed this entire day up, but he didn't. She simply needs to take things slow, but as long as she's taking things slowly WITH him, he's completely okay with that. No matter what happens, he'll be there for her.

"He grabbed your bags and will take them home, so we got a little bit of time to ourselves." Grayson winks suggestively, making her purse her lips, biting the inside of them to stop herself from smiling as a surge of heat in her cheeks warns her she's probably as red as a tomato by now.

"Um, I'm supposed to take those bags to my dorm. Remember? I need to check in and all or I'll lose my spot. I can't lose my spot, Grayson." She tries to remain calm and collected, stopping herself from yelling at him like she did that first day they met. However, she's also a worrier by nature and Grayson knows that which is why she cannot, for the life of her, understand why he'd send Ethan and her bags to his house instead of letting her settle in immediately.

"I know! Which is why I'll drive you to check in and then to get something to eat and we can take a walk on the beach before I take you back to my house. I swear I'll help you move into your dorm tomorrow after class and whatever else you need, just let me have you with me this one night." Grayson uses his hold on her hips to gently sway her left and right, waiting for her stubbornness to fade and her pursed lips and pointed looks turn to a puddle of love he loved to see in her.

She releases a shaky breath, looking up briefly as if she's questioning a higher force why she's about to give in, but when her eyes move back to Grayson they hold no resentment nor resistance. All they hold is that same love Grayson wanted to see her look at him with and it's like all his dreams just came true.

"Alright! Let's get moving then!" She taps her hands on his chest, signaling to let her go and move, but he just groans once more and leans in to rest his forehead on hers, stilling her for a moment longer. He holds his position for exactly twenty seconds, he counted.

"Now I'm ready." He says quietly, loud enough so only Y/N can hear him.

She slides her hands down, moving his big ones from her hips and takes his right one in her left, leaving his left one vacant so he can grab her things. She pulls him along, watching his awestruck smile and warm eyes looking only at her like she's the only woman in the world and it makes her both happy and scared. Happy because she's blessed with a man like Grayson to adore her so much, but scared because it's a responsibility to keep that look steady for as long as she lives. Scared because he's putting her on a pedestal where she doesn't belong. And scary because she's afraid the initial chemical reactions that made him desire her will fade and he'll finally see her for who she is and she won't be as interesting enough, or pretty enough or enough in general.

It's a paralyzing fear and she's fighting it every second of every minute of every hour since she met him. She's fighting it for him, because if she lets it win, even for a moment, she'd lose him. She'd self-destruct and destroy everything as she has done in the past, but Grayson's too important to lose. She's grown too attached to him and it's like he's become her heart, letting her feel everything she was afraid to feel. Her heart's been a bird without the wings to fly, but then Grayson came in and gave her his wings and she'd been flying ever since.

So, yes. She's afraid to lose him just as much as she'd afraid of being with him.

With Grayson's arm around her shoulders, her arm wrapped around the small of his back, they walked out together, talking about her flight and how her goodbye with the family went. She's been so engrossed in their talk that she completely failed to notice when Grayson stopped, arriving at his car at last. She turned her head to see why they stopped, her eyes popping once she saw the car.

"That's not a Bronco!" She exclaimed, letting go of Grayson, much to his dismay. Yes, he's clingy, but it's only because he feels like he's finally in one piece since she arrived.

"Yeah. Got a new one." Grayson chuckles at her amazement. He watches her circle the car with her entire body rigid in excitement and her hands running through her hair repeatedly until the mess on her hair became a compliment in comparison to what it turned into. But he didn't care. In his eyes, every little thing about her, even her crazy hair, is another thing to love.

"If you ran me over with this, I'd be dead now. Dude, it's a baby blue Porsche! MY FAVORITE COLOR AND MY DREAM CAR!" She shouts, doing a few stationary jumps, her hands clasped together around her mouth and nose to keep herself in check before people start staring at her.

"Did you just call me dude?" Grayson laughs in disbelief, taking a few steps closer to her. It's like gravity, she moves and he moves with her. The further she stands, the more he feels inclined to orbit around her. Y/N would argue Grayson is the Sun, but he knows that's not true. She's the Sun he orbits around, not the other way around.

"Yes. Yes, I did! When did you get this car, you filthy rich dude?!" She reaches out, her fingertips touching the hood before she retracts her hand as if she touched something sacred.

"I told you I got a new car. I even took a photo! We did a video with it!" Grayson's voice turned louder, matching her excited tone and Y/N's jaw slacked until her mouth opened.

"I didn't see any of it because I've been so disconnected from the internet. I kinda used every moment I could to just be with the people in my life. I was perfectly satisfied with my screen time with you without YouTube's helP." She pops the P at the end of her defense, touching the car with her index finger once more before stepping back.

She spins in her spot, grinning from ear to ear and Grayson can't help but stare at her. Though he already knew it, this only confirmed his love for her. He also couldn't deny that he getting a car that happens to be her dream car was anything but a coincidence. It had to have been some divine intervention and he didn't mind it one bit.

"Come on, Birdie. Get in." He unlocks the car, opening her door and she stops for a moment, just pondering.

Out of nowhere, her hand found the back of his neck and it pulled him down fast and effectively toward her face. Her lips pressed against his. She captured his bottom lip between her teeth, giving it a small bite before letting go and ducking inside the car where she literally started petting the interior; the dash included.

Grayson shook his head, his heart still recovering from the unexpected gesture on her behalf and one he very much welcomed anytime. Closing her door, he dropped her bag in the back and moved to his side. He got in, putting his seatbelt on and checking her if she did too. Satisfied once he sees she's already prepared for the drive, Grayson stops and presses his lips together in hopes of muffling a laugh that wanted to escape him when he saw her petting the dash lovingly with actual heart eyes.

"Yes, I'm petting the dash! I'm in love with this car, so let me love it! Don't judge me!" She exclaimed without shame, glancing at her red in the face man and furrowing his brows.

"You love my car more than me." Grayson whines, making Y/N send him a quick glare.

"On that note, you do realize we exchanged I love you's without actually being together. Like, that's weird for you too, right?" Her proclamation of love for the car might have been without shame, but this particular question brought changes on her face. She quirked her right eyebrow and her nostrils flared with a sharp intake of breath she took once her brain caught up with her tongue and she realized what she just asked him.

"Not if you consider I've been sort of married to you in my mind since the moment I looked into your pretty doe eyes for the first time." Grayson says something even more cringe to help alleviate her sudden surge of panic and he can tell she visibly relaxes when her lips curl into a small smile and a tiny nod of her head lets him know she's not freaked out by his advanced thinking.

"Stop saying things like that! I don't know how to reply to these things!" She whines, covering her face like she only just now realized what he said and Grayson gave up on stifling his laugh. He lets his booming laugh turn to a giggle before he's glancing at her with a surprised look on his face.

"Stop what?" His voice is high pitched and soft, making her gnaw on the inside of her cheeks, still hiding from his eyes under the palms of her hands.

"Compliments? Babe, you gotta learn to accept compliments and actually believe in them. I'm a compliment machine and you'll be getting them all the time. Love my cheesiness, damn it!" His tone is playful and his words promising, only making her chest grow uncomfortably small with that pesky heart of hers growing in size from his proximity. It's like he wants to drive her crazy, because that's how she feels around him. Crazy and in love. So, so in love that she has trouble understanding any of it.

"Dokrajčit' ćeš me. (You'll be the death of me.)" She mutters under her breath in her native tongue, making Grayson smile, licking his lips.

"You sound so sexy whenever you speak in your native tongue." He points out and she sees him smirking in the corner of her eye. She's flustered and her body's burning up, but he knows it and she knows he knows that she knows this. He wants to make her feel this way.

Instead of replying and giving him the satisfaction of responding to his teasing, she pretends she didn't hear him and turns up the volume, singing along and Grayson's quick to join in, allowing her to take this as her victory and hides it under the mat.

Grayson listens to her as if her words are golden, watches her like every move she makes is award worthy. He is always thinking so deeply, already with a strategy that's several moves ahead of what she's capable of to make sure he can offer reassurement, compliments, jokes, anything she might need. And in his words there is a kindness, a concern that is so quick that, for him, it is natural. This attentiveness is a part of who he is and that is, if she's being honest, the most attractive feature she's seen in a man for quite some time. It's one of the many reasons why she loves him. Why he's the only man she's ever loved and is absolutely certain has her heart.

She's staring at him, just like she did that day he drove her to the airport. The difference is, she's not staring because she thinks she might never see him again, but because she's struggling to grasp that he's a real, living, breathing, heart-beating human being and that he's interested in loving her out of millions of girls who'd drop everything for him.

Why her? Why is she so special and why can't she see it for herself?

"Like what you see", Grayson asks, not hiding his cocky attitude and Y/N leans her temple on the leather seat of the car and smiles.

"Yeah. The view's pretty great." She decides to feed his ego, giving him something to boast about because no matter how many times she rolls her eyes when he says things like that, she actually loves it. She loves how confident he is, how sure he is and not just about his body, but about every aspect of his life. She admires him for it.

"Too bad we're here. Want me to drive around the block to prolong it?" He parks the car, turning to her with a sexy smirk, his right cheek slightly puffed from it but his face changed fast and his eyes closed shut before he sneezed so loud, effectively erasing his bad boy vibe.

"Bless you." She chuckles, fishing out a tissue from her handbag and Grayson hesitates, looking at her awkwardly.

"What?!" She furrows her eyebrows, her eyes moving from the tissue in his hand and the weird look in his eyes.

"I kind of don't want to blow my nose in front of you." Grayson says nervously, talking nasally because the need to blow his nose is so dire he's forced to breathe through his mouth.

Y/N rolls her eyes and shifts in her seat to face him properly.

"You do realize you blowing your nose in front of me will in no way change my feelings for you. You have allergies and you'll get colds and I don't care. It's human and you're human and I want to be there with you no matter which of these human things get you first. Blow you nose, Apollo and meet me inside, okay?" Her voice is soft and sweet, reassuring with the perfect amount of sass and very, very honest. 

She gives him privacy for this time, letting him blow his nose until it's dry. He's grateful to have her and he appreciates her giving him time to feel free to be disgusting in front of her. He's nervous that she'll see the worst parts of him and that she might not like what she sees. He doesn't want to risk her leaving him. Not until he's cemented himself in her life and she's basically so in love with him that a little booger won't bother her.

Y/N feels her heart race as she walks in, glancing back at the baby blue Porsche to see Grayson's face covered with that tissue and it makes her smile. In a way, he's insecure too and she made herself a promise right then and there; she'll take those insecurities away and convince him there's nothing he can do that would make her want to leave.

Cheating and abuse are the only things she can't handle, everything else can be worked on and for him, she'd work on it.

She walks through the heavy wooden doors, going up to the reception with a well-rehearsed smile on her lips and a few papers she took out of her bag.

"Hi. I'm Y/N Y/L/N and I'm here to check in and get my room key for the on-campus dorm." She rehearsed this statement a million times in her head, her anxiety crafting the right words to say so she doesn't sound unintelligent or improper.

"Just a moment." The man says, typing something in his computer. He asks her to repeat her name and types it in as well, while she's shifting from one foot to another, looking back to the door for Grayson who has yet to come in. She's got her mask back on, but she hates it. She wants to be free and comfortable as she is with Grayson. But whenever she's alone, she's not herself in public. It's always her anxiety that gets her, making her sweat and her heart to pound with every interaction especially when it's something as important as school officials.

"I'm sorry, but you're not on the list." The man informs her and her eyes practically bulge out of her skull. She shakes her head, trying to grasp what he's telling her.

"What? How? It must be a mistake. You sent me confirmation last month via e-mail." She shows the copy of the e-mail to the man, biting the inside of her lip hard enough to stop a string of swear words to leave her mouth. She tastes the metallic taste of blood under the tip of her tongue, ignoring it as the man re-checks and gives her the same answer.

"It says cancelled." He tells her which only confuses her more.

"How is it cancelled? I didn't cancel! There must be a spot left for me. Please?" She pushes, hearing the door open and the creak before it closes behind her, but she doesn't turn around.

"I'm sorry, but everything's filled. Try again next year." He says and she grabs her papers angrily, walking past Grayson and through the door. She stuffs the papers in her bag, allowing her hands to get lost in her hair as the stress makes her implode.

"What happened?!" Grayson follows her, watching her pace on the sidewalk like she's losing her mind and he feels guilty. He feels guilty because he went behind her back and cancelled her room. He did it so they can be together more and to save her from crazy roommates, so she doesn't have to listen to them having sex in the bed next to her and so she can study in peace.

"I'm not on the list. There was some kind of a mistake and they already gave my room to someone else. What the hell am I supposed to do now?!" She talks fast, stumbling over her words and a hint of an accent comes out with them.

Grayson jumps, grabbing her elbows and steadies her. He cups her face, forcing her to look up and into his eyes before he brushes his nose against hers, hearing her heavy sigh right after.

"You will live with me and Ethan. We don't mind. Your stuff is already there and if you want a room for yourself, we'll make it work." Grayson offers, watching her already shake her head.

"It's so far from campus, Gray." But he cuts her off.

"I'll wake up every morning and drive you to class and pick you up after. Okay? Don't worry, Birdie. I got you." He smiles widely to help her relieve the worry now etched in every line of her face.

"I'm so lucky to have you." She buries her face in his chest, hugging him as tightly as possible and Grayson's smile fades when he hugs her back. His guilt is growing with every moment she worries or feels like a burden and he hates himself for what he did. Because now, he knows that he didn't do it for her, but for himself. He did a selfish thing and if she ever found out, his fear of losing her might be justified.

"I love you, Y/N. I'll do anything for you." And he would, which is exactly why he hates himself now. But he'll make sure she doesn't feel the consequences and if she wants a dorm next year, he won't protest and he definitely won't sabotage her.

"No more sappiness. You promised me food and some beach time, so let's do it!" Y/N pushes the palms of her hands into Grayson's chest, helping herself detach from him before her brave persona disappears and she gives into the tears that she's swallowing.

"Mm'kay. C'mon." Grayson pecks her forehead, opening her door again and letting her in first. He wanted her to know he'd be there and he'd be a proper gentlemen for her. He doesn't voice it, but he's just happy she's willing to let him open her doors because many girls don't allow it anymore, claiming he's taking their 'independence', when all he really wants is to show respect and appreciation.

She doesn't say anything either, because she loves that he's willing to treat her so well. For the longest time, she was sure gentlemen and manors are extinct. Not anymore.

"What do you want to eat?" Grayson asks, tapping his index fingers on the wheel to the rhythm of the music.

"Umm...Fries? Doesn't really matter, as long as it's gluten free." She says, making Grayson turn to her abruptly with furrowed eyebrows. He didn't realize she was the type.

"Sure." He mumbles under his breath, now making Y/N look at him with questions bubbling up in her mind.

"What?" Her voice is softer and high pitched, a little defensive as well.

"Just didn't think you're the type to avoid gluten. It's not the plague, ya know?" He remarks, forcing Y/N to shake her head in disbelief. She bites her lower lip to stop herself from yelling at him for the second time today. He really did tick her off sometimes.

"You do realize gluten free diets aren't popular for dieting reasons, but because of health issues. To some people, me included, gluten is just as bad as the plague. I'm intolerant and even a grain of wheat will make me very, very sick. Don't judge people for their eating habits, Gray. I didn't peg you as the type." She throws his words back at him, angrily and with no mercy. Her tone's sharp and she aims to kill, just as he's used to and even though she's aiming for him, Grayson can't help but feel content about it. It means she doesn't fabricate anything for his benefit. It means she's straightforward with him and it's more he's ever gotten from any of the girls he's dated in the past.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I just assumed because you had that pizza and cornflakes when you were over last time." Grayson explains, glancing back to the road and to Y/N frequently. He needed to gauge her reaction about everything, because he's become rather comfortable with reading them and deducting what she thinks or feels based on what he sees.

"The box said gluten free and your cereal have the same mark at the back of the bag too." She points out something even he didn't know. He never watched for those marks, only about lactose since he's intolerant and now he feels like an ass for judging her, even for a moment.

"Well, I'm an idiot." He presses his lips together, disappointed in himself.

Y/N turns her head toward him, reaching out with her left hand and letting it rest on his leg, right above his knee. She hears him take a sharp breath at the initial contact, his eyes immediately following her hand as her fingers give him a light squeeze.

"You're not an idiot. Just a little half-cocked. Never judge a book by its covers is a good way to start. I've read the most beautiful books with the ugliest, oldest covers hiding the rich story within. It's never about the way things seem, because there's always more hiding beneath."

They drove slowly, the traffic keeping them cooped up inside longer than Grayson expected. He opened the sunroof, letting the air in and eliciting a smile that showed her chubby cheeks as result. It's empowering to know he can make her smile. It's unbelievably rewarding.

"There's a restaurant right there, by the ocean. Thought you might appreciate it!" Grayson smirks, draping an arm around Y/N as he points to the place he had in mind with his other hand. She nods, wrapping an arm around him too, walking the cement line instead of trudging through sand in her sneakers.

"Love the ocean breeze." She inhales the salty scent of the air around them, closing her eyes and trusting Grayson to lead the way and keep her safe. There's a soft smile on her lips, one of content and pure bliss, something rarely seen upon her face.

"And I love you." Grayson pecks her temple, letting those words out again. She's heard him say it before, but every time he repeats it it's solidifying the first statement, making her head spin with the closeness they've managed to achieve in such a short time. It still makes her skin crawl and her fight or flight system activate, but it also gives her strength to rise above those fears and protect Grayson's heart from the pain. 

Even when she was half a world away, she felt close to him. He's been on her mind during the day and in her dreams during the night. His name is her favorite song and his voice the most heavenly melody. Those brown eyes she tends to get lost in hold so much innocence and purity, genuine emotion and a child-like naivety, which is where her sense of protectiveness comes from. She knows he's too good, too sweet of a heart to see what true evil looks like. He doesn't recognize people who want to use and abuse his kind heart and he'd never retaliate. But she won't let him be used anymore. She won't let them hurt her man. She sees through people a lot better than he does.

"I'm supposed to say it back, right?" She looks up, squinting as the sun hits her face and blinds her to the world. It leaves only a partial image of Grayson in her line of sight, one where he looks like an absolute angel with the light reflecting of his wing shaped earring. And it's a real sight to behold; his beauty is truly stunning, disarming and the sunlight halo leaves her awestruck.

He's a lot like the Sun, with so many people orbiting around him. Some come too close only to be burned by the proximity and others are too far, freezing in the distant shade where his rays don't reach. But some of them are in perfect range, revolving around him in a distance that's perfectly calculated so the heat they feel warms their insides and softens their hardened hearts. He once called her the Sun, but for her he is. He's her Sun.

"That would be a good idea, yeah!" Grayson chuckles. His chuckle is slow and mellow, sweet like honey.

She steps out of his embrace, shifting her body to stand in front of him instead of by his side. She stops his walk, eyebrows raised. Bopping his nose with the tip of her right index finger, Y/N licks her lips and cocks her head to the side.

"Of course I do. I do love you. No matter the distance between us, my attraction to you remains constant. You could be at the ends of the earth like we were even before we met and still I would feel pulled toward you.  I've always felt this pull, like we're magnets, forming our very own magnetic field that lets us have this crazy feelings even we don't understand." She points to his chest and then herself.

"There is something about you and I that matches, each half loving the other so fully that a life alone would be meaningless. So though it is your gorgeous brown eyes, your Apollo tanned skin, your face that I look upon, know that this attraction runs deep to my core. I don't do superficial, I never did. Which is scary, but scary is good. It means this is real. It means I'm aware how deep we've gotten and how incredibly in love I am even though this is only the second time I get to hold your hand." She slips both her hands in his, interlocking their fingers while staring at the way even their hands differ.

His are big, tan, soft and both crowned with bracelets. One's a brand bracelet that gives him sugar daddy vibes and the other is a baby blue one for cancer awareness, the same cancer that took his father's life. His right thumb has a small, faded scar, one that he claims mysteriously appeared and has been there since birth.

Her hands are pale and small, a little rougher than his and her nails aren't manicured like his at all. She wears two rings on her right hand, one on her index finger that her mother gave her with an elvish symbol and one on the finger next to it with a snowflake her sister gave her for good luck.

Their hands are so different, but fit perfectly. With his hand in hers, she felt like anything is possible. She liked the feeling, the notion of what it represented. He made her free from the shackles she thought she'd carry for eternity and though she's still got remains of the wounds they caused and it makes her angry when he can't relate, it's slowly healing. He's slowly healing her.

"You talk like a poet and I feel so dumb and proud at the same time." Grayson smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling, showing those laugh lines that served as proof his life had been a good one. She was happy about that.

"Nah. I'm just showing off. You inspire me." She shrugs, moving to the side and letting his left hand go, but keeping the right one in place.

"I like that."

They finally get to eat, ordering food that helped avoid both of their issues - lactose and gluten. While Grayson snapped their meal, he kept her face out of the shot as he didn't think she'd appreciate him openly telling his fans about them just yet, or at all. Grayson's aware how his fans can be and he wants to, needs to protect her from that exposure. 

Alas, we don't always get what we want.

The moment he logs into twitter, his entire feed is filled with fans FREAKING THE HELL OUT as they wrote themselves. The video and photos of them kissing at the airport went viral, but no one has figured out her identity yet.

He feels the heat rush to his head and a surge of panic take over his heart and lungs. In the grip of silent panic, with wild eyes, pupils dilated, Grayson looks around them. He's scanning the area for anyone with a camera, for anyone pointing at them or possibly staring. He's looking for any warning signs that someone there knows them as they might overwhelm Y/N if they come up to him. She hasn't seen what it means to be his girl, not when his job gets involved.

"You okay, dušo (sweetie)", Y/N uses a nickname in her native tongue. It's literal translation being soul, because that's what she feels he is, a big part of her soul learning only now to be whole.

Grayson chuckles nervously and Y/N can sense the shift in his behavior, noticing his forehead wrinkle at her use of a foreign language. Regardless of his lack of understanding, he reaches out and takes her hand in his, gently rubbing her knuckles with his thumb while giving her a reassuring nod.

"Yeah, just saw the squad chat and noticed they laid out a thousand video ideas." He feels nauseous, on the brink of throwing up. He doesn't want to lie to her, but he doesn't want to ruin today for them. It's enough that he messed with her living arrangements, he didn't want to completely ruin her life, despite her arguing he did exactly that the first time they met.

"Oh. If you want to go home and work on it, I'm totally fine with that." She maintains eye contact with Grayson until he shakes his head vehemently.

"Nope. Beach and sunset after food. I promised you that and I'll keep that promise. I mean, once you start school tomorrow, you might be a bit busy for me and I want to use every moment because time with you is precious." He leans forward, bringing her hand closer to his lips. Pressing his plush pink face pillows on her knuckles, Grayson watches her smile widen. Smitten with her, desperately wishing he could kiss her on the lips instead of just her hand, he moves his head forward and leans his cheek on her hand.

"I feel like I'm going to melt." She whispers, giddy and her eyes glisten with a rush of happy tears, a teaser of the waterfalls that will not fall.

Grayson licks his lips, dragging the tip of his tongue across his bottom lip slowly all the while quirking an eyebrow at the pink coloring of Y/N's cheeks. He loves to flirt with her, seduce her and enjoy the way she responds to him. She says he's got an innocence to him that she's never seen, a purity of sorts. But in truth, it's what he sees in her. She's so oblivious of her incredible looks and unique way of thinking, of her very lovable quirks and weird talents that he wishes to know more. She's too self-deprecating and it hurts him to see just how blind she is to her own unadulterated flawlessness.

"You cracked my evil plans!" He snickers, watching her narrow her eyes at him all the while fighting a smile from cracking.

"Hey, can we talk about how I'm going to repay you for letting me stay with you and for the rides?" She changes the topic again and Grayson knows she needs to do it to stop herself from outright panicking about their bond.

"You're not paying." Grayson states, popping a fry in his mouth and Y/N's left eye narrows at the sound, but she doesn't say anything. The sound of people walking and talking, of the ocean's waves coming and going, it all helps to drown out the noise of Grayson's loud chewing.

"I gotta do something, Gray. I can't just live there for free." She lowers her voice, deepening it so he can pick up on the seriousness in her words.

"You can help with chores, but I'm not letting you pay." Grayson reaches out, wanting to rub his knuckle down her cheek. Y/N slaps his hand away, frowning.

"It will make me incredibly uncomfortable to stay with you and your twin brother and not contribute in any way, shape or form. Plus, does Ethan even know you're offering me to stay with you?" She asks, raising her eyebrows.

"He knows and you can't pay us. Hell, Ethan would be the first one to refuse. He's screech loudly like a velociraptor until you stopped trying to pay us. He'd kill me if I even considered it. We earn obscene amounts of money while you're living off a scholarship. All I want from you is to study and chase your dreams, to be happy and make friends and IF you want, to just share duties around OUR home. Just let me do this for you. Please." He slouches in his chair, watching Y/N rub her chin nervously. She rests her chin on the back of her hands, closing her eyes and pressing her lips tight in thought.

"And if we break up?" She opens her eyes, her voice weak and vulnerable.

"That won't happen. But if that ever happens, you're more than welcome to stay. I love you, Y/N. I don't see those feelings disappearing anytime soon." Grayson admits, not caring that he's always pouring his heart open for her to drink up. He needs her to know he'd never hurt her. Not intentionally. Sure, he always has good intentions and she might hate some of the things he did for her, so yes, she might want him to let her go if she finds out about it, but he'd never be the one to end things. He'll fight for her, tell her she's the only girl he could ever be with and that he'd rather be alone than without her. He'll tell her he's the guy for her. He'll do anything for her to forgive him if that day ever comes...until she asks him to let her go.

"Okay." She whispers, feeling conflicted about the situation. She's always been taught not to depend on someone and that's exactly what she's doing now. She has to depend on Grayson and though she loves and trusts him, it's not something she wants or takes lightly. She wanted to be on her own for the first time ever, to be her own boss, to be independent and fierce and learn to fight for herself and find her voice. The possibility of not being able to do any of that with the changes to her plans have turned her mood sour.

"I'll pay the bill and we can go enjoy the little sun we got left." Grayson blows her a kiss, walking away to pay the waiter while she remains at the table, blankly staring at her plate.

**

Grayson could sense Y/N's mood changed drastically. Knowing she's stubborn like no one he'd ever known, topping Ethan and James easily, he figured she'd have to find a way to feel useful or she'll lose her mind about him paying for everything. She's not the type to bathe in his money or to enjoy a sugar daddy relationship and to prevent that, he found a solution.

"How about you do photo shoots for me and Ethan? Like also behind the scenes photos when we're filming. And you can help us with video ideas and even to set up?" He offers, hoping to shake her up a little and give her a slight spring to her steps.

There a pause, a silence between them lasting exactly seventeen seconds before Y/N swings her arms around Grayson's neck, jumping to completely wrap herself around him. Grayson giggles, his laugh turning high pitched and nasal. He rests his hands on her upper thigh, just below her ass and spins them loosely, but only once because she moves her head to face him. With her eyes and nose crinkled, a small laugh escapes her unexpectedly to tug at Grayson's heart.

"Kiss me." She's barely keeping her breathing steady with the look his eyes hold. The Sun's illuminating every speck in his now hazel eyes.

This feeling is so strange; it stretches throughout her whole body. It's overwhelming, yet makes her feel complete. It has no bound nor length nor depth; it's just absolute. It feels as though she's in a dangerous fire, yet completely safe at the same time. Because Grayson Dolan is her fire and she doesn't care if she burns out from the love she holds for him. It feels as though someone's given her peace. It feels as though her heart is dancing around her chest; and a hole she's been aware of her entire life, has been filled. She feels light, like she's on top of the world yet her heart is constricting and it feels as if there's no oxygen in her lungs.

His lips press against Y/N's with passion, love, and affection as his warm hands roam all over thighs, ass and back, leaving a trail of sparks in their wake. He squeezes her bum as they kiss, causing her to arch her back and moan softly into his mouth. She tilts her head to the side, her chest rising and falling dramatically under his influence. He smiles into the kiss as her fingers tug at his short hair on the back of his neck and her other hand scratches at his back.

"You're so beautiful." He whispers against her lips, almost in anguish.

"You talk too much." She retorts, nibbling on his bottom lip and presses her fingertips into his shoulder as if he's the air she so desperately needs.

"As much as I love kissing you and trust me this is killing me, I really wanna go for a swim with you." Grayson kisses the left corner of her mouth, littering her left cheeks in butterfly light kisses.

"How? I don't have my swimsuit." She moves away from him, releasing her grip on his waist and Grayson lets her down gently on the sand.

"I don't mind." Grayson wiggles his eyebrows, smiling smugly at her 'o' shaped mouth.

"I am not skinny dipping in the ocean!" She exclaims, looking around to see if there's anyone around them.

"Underwear then?" Grayson offers and she narrows her eyes at him with suspicion.

"You just want to see me naked!" She points an accusatory finger at him, watching him click his tongue and nod.

"I'll take mine off too!" He smirks, suggestively raising an eyebrow until she's running a hand through her hair and looking at him like he's eye candy. But to her, he was never just eye candy; he's soul food.

"I don't mind you taking your clothes off!" She cocks her head to the left, folding her arms across her chest and awaiting him to make a move.

Without doubt, Grayson raised both hands up and to the collar of his shirt. He tucked his fingers inside the collar, maintaining eye contact with Y/N. He pulled his white shirt off and threw it to the sand, giving her a dazzling smile and a daring look. She watched him kick off his on-brand sneakers and unbutton his jeans.

She swallows thickly, taking in every little move he makes with lust filling her body. He pulls the zipper down in a painfully slow manor, teasing Y/N with a small wiggle that made her chortle in response. He slides the jeans off and they find themselves in the sand as well, his thighs and all the tattoos now in the open. But that's not the only thing she sees. He's got a pulsating, rather large bulge hidden inside his teal boxer briefs. It's hard not to let her eyes wander and fixate on a particularly wrapped gift basket inside, but she forces her eyes to look up.

That doesn't help either.

Every single inch of his skin is marked with perfection, each line accentuating an ab she'd like to drag the tip of her tongue over. His arms are huge, veins visible and curving around his muscles like snakes that give his arms the power to kill. His shoulder is distinctly pointy and sharp, his collarbone just calling for her to tap her fingertips along the curve. His neck is strong and inviting, awaiting love bites along the prominent vein on the left.

But nothing could compare to the flawlessness of his face. With a jawline that can cut you, a slight stubble lining it and framing his lips, cute nose to boop and brown eyes that turn hazel under the sunlight downing in his desire for her...well, Y/N finally understood the arrogant eyebrow raise and cocky smirk he bestowed upon her. Looking like that, he had every right to be confident.

She's always alluded temptation in the past, finding those who surrender to their primal instincts weak. But Grayson standing in front of her with his body on display without a single imperfection had gotten to her. Her pulse started to race, only matching the pounding of her heart she couldn't slow down. She started to sweat, lick her lips subconsciously and fidget with her fingers.

Temptation is a tricky thing, often sneaking up to you when you least expect it. Y/N was so sure that only dreamers fell victim to its alluring siren song; that she would be spared as a realist. Turns out no one is immune, especially not when Apollo himself is asking you to join him in a crazy adventure. And Grayson is Y/N's Apollo, her own brand of temptation. He's temptation incorporated, undeniable and impeccable.

He starts walking back, making sure Y/N has full view of his front before he turns around, and giving her an entirely different view to drool over.

She doesn't wait long, taking her clothes off so fast she almost tripped and fell face first into the sand. Grayson barely got a toe into the ocean when Y/N rushed into the water without hesitation.

She embraces the wave, giving into it. A small squeal lets Grayson know the water is cold, but all he can see is a hardcore realist jumping head first into the ocean in only black underwear, allowing him to ignore the cold and follow her in. He'd follow her through a fire, so why would he stop at cold water?

He shouts, gasping for air as the cold water envelopes his body entirely. Y/N laughs at his reaction loudly, snorting in the process, surprising both Grayson and herself. She covers her mouth quickly, embarrassed by the incident which Grayson finds adorable.

"Take my hand!" He reaches out, watching her struggle against the current. He waits for her hand to hold onto his before pulling her to him, greatly fighting his urge to rip what's left of her clothes off and take her right then and there. He doesn't even look, but that's not without difficulty.

"Woah!" She presses closer to him for body heat, looking up at his wet hair now slicked back with only a few strands sticking up on his head. He's looking deeply into her eyes, an irresistible need to look at all of him taking over her. Her lips part as she inhales deeply. The site is a turn on for her. The water drips down his hair softly. And the drops slowly make their way to his body and the perfect abs he has. The water defines his well-organized and obviously worked out body.

Yup, temptation, she concludes. APOLLO, she hears that part of her brain obsessed with Greek mythology scream. His body is a siren song meant to trap her and she knows it.

"You got a bit of drool there." Grayson jokes, snapping her back to reality.

She truly seems entranced by him and it's feeding his ego, letting it skyrocket and fill him with a new sense of confidence. Sure, girls usually find him hot and he's used to them lusting for his body, but there's something about the way Y/N looks at him with hunger and tenderness, craving and love that he'd never had before. He never had the best of both worlds: love and lust, caring and passion, trust and loyalty, beauty and intelligence. It's uncharted waters for Grayson, but he's eager to explore. He's always been an adventurer, that's for sure.

She rolls her eyes at him, pushing from him only to splash him with water.

"You just ruined a perfect moment!" She shouts, frowning when she sees his eyes flicker from her black lacy bra to her face continuously, like it's hypnotizing. Only then does she realize she's exposed in front of him, completely showing every imperfection. Not only did she hate the extra fat on her stomach and those pesky love-handles, but also the stretch-marks that showed up on the sides and on her hips, ass and behind her knees. She always kept those hidden, ashamed of the thick thighs that many hated. Not only did they add onto her weight, but they also ruined every pair of pants she owned. So, no. Y/N isn't a fan of her body and the way she hugs her body awkwardly and moves out of the water silently forces Grayson to trudge after her.

"Hey?! What's hap - happening?!" He almost falls, interrupting his words to keep himself steady.

She puts on her top fast, struggling with the leggings since she's still wet. Grayson frowns, running a hand through his soaked hair, putting the other one on her shoulder, effectively halting her movements.

"What's wrong?!" He asks in the softest, smallest voice she's ever heard him use.

"Mrzim kako izgledam. Ti si savršenstvo, od glave do pete. Ja...nisam. Ni blizu. Ne znam zašto me želiš. Ne razumijem u čemu je kvaka. (I hate the way I look. You're perfection, head to toe. I'm...not. Not even close. I don't know why you want me. I don't understand where's the catch.)" She finishes her insecure ramble, constantly swatting the hair getting in her face due to the wind and Grayson's utterly confused because he didn't understand a single word she said. But he could tell it wasn't something nice, nor uplifting. So, he wraps an arm around her, pulling her side to his chest and rests his chin on top of her head. He gives her a moment of sincere warmth and kindness, one moment to collect herself before he turns himself to face her. He cups her cheeks, forcing her lips in a pouting position by default and he can't help but notice she looks like a vulnerable girl with all her masks gone, showing him what's truly inside.

"I have no clue what you just said, but I know you're upset. If it's about your body, don't be. I love having something to grasp when I get to taste your voluptuous lips. I find you very, very appealing to the eye and those stretch-marks so many girls hate are actually badass. It's like warrior stripes that signify every battle you've had to win to be here today. Your body is a map of life's struggles you faced and I love your body. I love you in every shape or size and I hope that one day, you'll love it just as much. Just don't forbid me to do it now." Grayson kisses the top of her nose, then her lips before lowering himself entirely to kiss the side of her left thigh, just below the band of her underwear, squeezing her right hip at the same time.

Y/N sighs, feeling her body betray her and tremble under his touch like he's got healing properties and every kiss he leaves on her skin is remedy. Unable to handle being so intimately touched, she moves back and sits on the sand, leaving Grayson flustered and wishing for more. But he understands this is one of those moments she pulls away, needing to center herself.

Gosh, she's stubborn, he thinks.

He sits by her side, smiling instantly when her head drops on his shoulder, the temple resting just below his pointy bone, feeling a faint pulse on her head.

They sat there in silence, just enjoying each other's company. Her eyes drifted to the horizon, the sky turning clouds that resemble cotton candy various shades of pink, contrasting the blue water that slowly turns black as the sky once the Sun is no longer casting the light that illuminates every drop.

They walked together, like drunken teenagers, clinging to one another. Once in the car, they blast music, singing along to every song that comes on. They were more than ready to settle in their now shared home and relax for the night.

"Feels like another lifetime." She mutters under her breath. Judging by Grayson's confused face, she knew she had to clarify.

"It feels like I haven't been here for so long, if ever. I always assumed that entire night was a dream I made up to keep myself afloat." She walks inside, Grayson following her every step. Surprisingly, she remembers perfectly how to find her way around and he can't help but fix anything that's not in its usual place. He doesn't want her to think they're messy.

"Where's Ethan?" She asks sweetly, looking around for the other half of the Dolan duo. Grayson shrugs, shouting.

"Yo, E.!"

"Bro!" Ethan shouts back and Grayson nods.

"He's in the kitchen." He states and it's Y/N's turn to look confused. Grayson gives her a crooked smile, going to the kitchen only to find his brother munching on a pizza, giving him deja vu.

"Got some pizza, so fhig in!" Ethan mumbles, still chewing so some of the words are muffled and twisted, but it makes Y/N smile and her eyes focus on the box. She nods toward the box, pointing out the gluten free mark to her boyfriend before grabbing a slice and sitting by Ethan.

"This is so freaky. It's like history repeating itself." Grayson sits down slowly, eyes flickering from his brother to his girl with his lips slightly parted.

"Except she's staying for good this time around!" Ethan exclaims, wiping his mouth with the back of his right hand.

Y/N pauses, lowering the slice she was about to take a bite out of and looks to Ethan.

"How long have you known?"

Grayson's eyes widen and Ethan chokes on his bite, coughing to create a diversion long enough to figure something out. Y/N taps his back repeatedly, helping him or so she thinks.

"Ugh, uh - Grayson texted me the news earlier. Dorm cancelled, right?" He grabs a glass of water, sipping on it and turning away from Y/N to openly, but silently freak out.

"Yeah." The cloud of suspicion lifts and she keeps on eating, nudging Grayson to eat too with her leg under the table.

"I'm actually glad you're here. That way he doesn't bitch about how much he misses you all the time." Ethan ignores the glare Grayson sends him, smiling at Y/N like he's not trying to embarrass his brother.

"Oh, but then you'll have to find something else to bitch about, instead of just bitching about him missing me." Y/N remarks, raising both eyebrows at Ethan before standing up to get herself some water. She didn't mean it in a bad manor, nor was she being mean spirited, it just came out. It's like an instinct.

"I like her." Ethan tells Grayson, happy she's not a tender little flower he can't mess around with.

"I LIKE YOU!" He shouts, so Y/N can hear him too and she smiles into her glass, her back is turned to the boys.

"I'm already taken!" She shouts back, taking out a few different pills from her bag and popping them in her mouth, washing them down with water before turning to them.

"Correction. I love her." He whispers to Grayson, awkwardly resting his chin in his hand.

"So, I'll clear my room", Grayson starts, but Y/N stops him immediately.

"No, you won't. We can share the room or I can sleep on the couch. Your choice." She swallows thickly when Grayson's lips spread into a smile, realizing the temptation she felt today will be nothing compared to temptation she'll feel sharing a bed.

"Sharing it is! You can decorate however you want, not just in there but all around as well. Just let me know if you need something and I'll get it for you. I'll clear half my closet and drawers and..." Grayson began to list cheerfully, causing Y/N to interject.

"Grayson, honey, breathe." She hears Ethan snicker beside her, ending it with a playful slap on the shoulder.

"Got it. Slow and steady." Grayson clasps his hands in front of him on the table, fondly looking at his girl who desperately wished for a shower and he could tell.

"I'm gonna shower, let you two talk...or not." She gets up with a sigh, leaning in to peck Grayson's lips before sauntering into his room and going straight for the shower.

It felt good to wash the dirt, salt and a tiny bit of grief off her. In the shower, she could finally let a tear or two out, just to ease up the pressure building in her chest. It's been about two days since she left home and she's already homesick. Grayson makes it easier, though. It feels like he's a home on it's own.

Walking out in just a towel, she goes straight for his closet to steal some of his clothes. However, once she faces that side of the room, right behind the door is something she didn't expect to see. She screams, scaring both guys into running fast toward the room.

By the time they arrived, she's already laughing at her own stupidity, not believing herself.

"What happened?!" They ask in unison, each standing by her side in case she needed protection.

"I thought the fucking Nutcracker was a man or something. I died!" She cackles, slapping a hand over her chest.

"Man, he's creepy!" She exclaims, wiping away tears and Ethan's nodding, agreeing with her.

"No clue how he sleeps with that in here." Ethan adds fuel to a growing fire and Grayson reaches out from behind Y/N to slap him on the back of his head.

"I'll move it. Don't worry." He pecks her cheek and she frowns, pursing her lips.

"Nah. Don't want you to change everything up for me." She waves his offer off, because she does like nutcrackers...just not giant ones that look like demons in the night.

"But I want to." He moves in and wraps his arms around her waist, kissing her neck until all the hair on her body stands up.

"You sure?" She leans into him and Ethan's already thinking what Grayson knew from the start.

He's fucking whipped and he loves it.

"YuP", Grayson pops the P for effect, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. It's not one of his, meaning she's already unpacked some of her things.

"You organize the closet how you want to and I'll get this fella to the pool-house." He leaves a kiss on her temple before doing as he promised with Ethan's help, giving Y/N a chance to get dressed and put her clothes in as well. She's quick, just putting her clothes on racks and the rest is already folded for the drawers. She jumps on the bed and texts her parents to see how they're doing, but they're already asleep. Closing her eyes as she hears Grayson bickering with Ethan about a plant in the distance and a dopey smile grows on her face. This will be a challenge, but one she welcomes.

"You asleep, Lil Birdie?" Grayson whispers in her ear, startling her. She yawns, stretching her hands and legs before curling into his side, resting her head on his chest.

"Do you believe in alternative universes?" She asks, nuzzling into his chest further. Grayson wraps an arm around her to keep her in place, playing with a few curled tips of her hair falling on her face.

"Yeah. I do." Grayson replies. Holding her soft pale face gives him a sense that he finally belongs, that he is loved. Her face isn't perfect nor smooth. It has some wrinkles too, her cheeks have acne and scars but it doesn't take away from her beauty. It enriches it. Sure, skin as smooth as velvet and perfect like a baby's is desirable, but this little imperfection of hers relaxes him. It assures him she's not an elusive dream, but reality and she's his. She's all his.

"Do you think other versions of us found each other? Like we did?" Her eyes are closed and the way she speaks is slow, lazy. She's half asleep, but she's thinking about the possibility of other Y/Ns and Graysons loving each other, being as happy as they are.

"I think no matter what happens or where I am, this planet and reality or another, I always find you. We were always meant to meet, Lil Birdie. It's written in the stars. I know it is." He looks down, noticing her breathing evened out and she's out cold.

His phone pings, and though he wants to sleep, he chooses to look at the message.

From: Linda Jamison (Psychic twins)

You found her.

He looks up to the ceiling, grinning so widely his face hurts. But Linda just told him he found her as she lays in his arms and he's happiest he's ever been. Ever since her eyes locked with his, her hand brushed against his, her slightly raspy voice reached his ear, Grayson knew he would be putty in her hands. Her lips against his give him such a rush that nearly makes him fall over. Each day with her is another day he falls more for her smile, her laugh, her personality, her mind and everything else about her. He knew he found the one even before they told him, but having it confirmed is insane and peaceful. It prompts him to think about their future down the line more than he already has, about their house and marriage and kids...it's all lining up in his head that night as he slowly loses his battle with sleep and drifts away with Y/N in his arms.

Once they woke up, Grayson was giddy and overly excited about driving her to class. He skipped about the entire time, making sure she packs all her things and he even made her a fruit salad for later. His enthusiasm didn't go unnoticed as Y/N kept shushing him, knowing Ethan's still asleep. She couldn't understand how he can be so chipper at six in the morning when the Sun's barely up. Though she loved hearing his voice, she definitely needed some silence after just opening her eyes. She soon realized that's not an option and embraced it as she embraced Grayson too, effectively stopping his jabberer and calming him down.

"Breathe, Grayson." Her voice is muffled by his chest, her hands sliding into his back pockets, lazily resting there while he squeezes her tightly. He's a hugger, she knew that. It's not just any kind of a hug that she's used to, but a soul, bone-crushing kind of a hug where he doesn't let up, pressing her as close to him as possible until she starts seeing stars and needs to take a breath. It's one of those hugs where you know the person doesn't want to let you go, that it's not a courteous hug but one seeded in love, a genuine want for closeness.

She hears him take a deep breath, his chest moving accordingly. The air he releases with his exhale plays with the electrified strands of her hair, forcing them to dance and bend under the pressure until it's gone and they stand still once more.

"Sorry. I'm just happy you're here, Lil' Birdie." Grayson leans his chin on top of her head and closes his eyes, gently swaying them left to right. He wants nothing more than to keep her right there in his arms, in the privacy of his bedroom. But he can't and he knows he can't. He has to let her fly and hope she comes back to him. There are no words to show her how much he loves her, nor song perfect enough to describe it. So he takes his soul and pours it out at her feet, waiting patiently for her to give him some sign she loves him back. He'll always put her before him, until his last breath roams in. Until the end of time, he'll be hers and he prays she'll be his.

"Me too, Gray bear." She taps his buttock, letting him know she needs oxygen and he releases her from his death grip. He furrows his eyebrows, narrowing his eyes at the nickname she used, maintaining eye contact until she rolls her eyes.

"I'm trying some things out." She shrugs, throwing her book bag over her shoulder and going into the kitchen. She takes out a pack of pills from her bag, stuffing three pills in her mouth and washing it all down with a large chug of water.

Grayson walks it, seeing her putting the cap back on and slipping the bottle in her bag too.

"Ready, Birdie?" He gives her a crooked smile as he leans on a counter, watching her nervous smile surface.

"Yeah. Let's go." She bites the right corner of her bottom lip, before standing on her tiptoes and pecking his lips. She passes by him, leaving Grayson flustered and blushing, scrambling after her clumsily like a deer on ice.

He manages to outrun her, accidentally shoving her into the door and getting an angry 'HEY' on her behalf. Sheepish, Grayson cups her face and pecks her lips, running to the car to open the door for her.

"Sure, knock me into the front door to open the car door for me. You're certifiable." She shakes her head at him, rolls her eyes and enters the car again. It's insane how he's acting like she needs him on top of his game all the time, when in reality she just wants someone who tries. She doesn't need him to give her the world, but she wants him to want to do that. It's the thought that counts and she didn't expect him to keep running circles around her.

"Did it hurt?" He asks shyly, getting a huff from her.

"Kinda hurt my arm, but I'm fine. I don't need you to always open my door and stuff, babe. Just relax a little. You're going to get us both killed if you keep it up." She couldn't help the smile that curved her lips to the side, one that signified she isn't angry at him at all. She just wants him to be himself around her, because he's enough for her as he is.

"I'll kiss it better." Grayson starts to lean in, lips puckered up but is stopped by Y/N's palm instead of her lips.

"I'll be late!" She whines, making a disgusted face when Grayson licks her palm as revenge.

All the while, Y/N's tapping her fingers on the dashboard, her entire body is leaned forward and stiff, completely betraying her first day nerves.

"You'll do fine, Birdie. Just be yourself." Grayson reassured her, moving his hand to her left knee for a light squeeze in support. He smiles when she glances at him, longing for a kiss from her.

"I don't really do well when I'm myself. I'm not a 'people person'." She puts air quotes around the last bit, frowning deeply. Her frown brings out two vertical lines between her eyebrows, ones still shallow and new to her face.

"You won me over." Grayson points out, moving his index finger up and down her knee cap.

"You don't count because you're as weird as I am." She accidentally blurts out, making Grayson's eyes widen.

"So we're not that different after all!" He cheered, his booming voice both hurting and blessing her ears at the same time. She flinched with the loudness, raising a brow to his statement.

"Oh, we're still fundamentally different. I guess opposites attract, otherwise we wouldn't be in this car right now. Not together, at least." She remarked, placing a hand over the one he kept on her knee. She took it in hers, bringing it to her lips to leave a soft kiss on the back of it. Her pink lipstick stains his skin, but Grayson only presses his lips to stop a happy chortle bubbling in the back of his throat from scaring the softest, most gentle human being he's ever met.

"Oh, look. We're a block away." Y/N mussed, letting go of Grayson's hand reluctantly.

She didn't want to leave him and go in on her own. She's never been good at making friends or with first impressions. Especially not when she's this nervous. Her heart's practically beating out of her chest and her breathing is labored, dragged out and detectable.

"Breathe, Y/N. Just breathe." Grayson comforts her, reminding her to calm down with the same words she used on him twice now. But it worked; not the words, but his voice. It's what alleviated the rush of panic in her body and forced the adrenaline to stop dictating orders that would force her to run in the opposite direction.

The closer they get to the gates, the more people turn around to look at the Porsche. Y/N mentally face palms upon realizing this car, although beautiful, attracts way too much unwanted attention.

Grayson parks, immediately shifting in his seat to take both her hands in his. He can feel them shaking, his heart aching for her. He's aware this isn't easy for her. Her entire life got turned upside down in two day’s time and now she's on this continent, all of her dreams came true but she's lost everything else in the process. He's determined to let her know she has him, that she'll always have him.

"I love you and I know you're scared, but you can do this. You've done a lot more with a lot less effort and I believe in you. Go Lil' Birdie. Go and win them over as you did with me." He offers her a wide smile, giving her the courage she needed.

Grateful to have him near, Y/N leans into him. She kisses his lips, her right hand gently caressing his neck.

"I love you, Grayson Bailey Dolan." With a small smile, she opens the door and stands on her shaky legs. She gives him a quick wave, assuring him she'll be fine and walks into the campus.

A lot of people looked at her, all assessing her and her possible worth. No one actually walked up to her, nor gave her any indication they're friendly. The girls sent her glares, some of them took photos of her and the guys all talked about the car she came in. She felt like a ZOO animal, watched and filmed by everyone and all because Grayson drove her. And he's supposed to pick her up too which only made her more nervous.

Quickly, she rushes to the administration, finding a few forms to fill that she couldn't do online. Feeling a little overwhelmed, she walks to her first class of the day, looking ahead to avoid meeting eyes with people gossiping about her.

This was going to be a long day.

"What happened?" Grayson glances sideways, his eyebrows creased and lips pressed together. Y/N has been nothing but silent since he picked her up and though he saw her wave to someone before getting in and giving him a good smooch, she's barely spoken to him since.

She gave him short answers and polite smiles, ones he didn't buy. Sure, she's been stuffing her face with the gluten free meal he picked up on his way, but he hoped she's be spilling her entire day without him asking.

"Nthng." Her words are jumbled and muffled with food, but he can still understand her. He doesn't want to pester her for answers, but he decided on doing so once they get home. They're not even a foot inside when he drapes an arm around her and pulls her to the living room to talk. 

"Talk to me." He sits on the couch, crossing his legs so the outside of his right ankle is resting on his left knee.

Y/N sits on the other end of the couch, fidgeting with her rings.

"I uh - saw the photos all over the internet...Some people recognized me because they saw your car this morning and I'm officially known as your girlfriend worldwide." Y/N crinkles her nose, releasing a heavy sigh.

"And anyone who talked to me today either wanted to befriend me so they can get close to you guys or to insult me. I made one friend today in total and Jesse helped me out. I'm just a little down because I didn't expect for us to be known so soon." She bites her lower lip, hearing the couch cry under Grayson's shifting weight as he moves closer to her.

"I don't regret us, though. Don't want you to think that. Just - I was kind of caught off guard and then everyone's already formed groups 'cause they met in the dorm and I'm not there so I'm basically going to miss everything all the time. Jesse is the only one living off campus, so we sort of connected fast." She smiles meekly, looking at Grayson's worried face. She runs a knuckle down his left cheek, leaving a peck on it right after.

"Can I do something?" Grayson asks, confusing her.

"What?" She had no clue what he planned, but he let her shower and change clothes. He waited for her to start studying before grabbing his phone and logging into his Snapchat account.

"Grayson?" She gives him a pointed look, furrowing her eyebrows as she took her glasses out of the case. He shushed her, getting a glare in return.

"Just do you while I film my plants. Don't worry." His voice is mellow, too innocent for her to believe him. Regardless, she puts her purple framed - flowery glasses on and opens the rather large book in front of her and a small notebook on her lap. She sits crisscrossed, completely losing herself in her first assignment. She's wearing Grayson's baby blue hoodie and her own black leggings with DT socks on her feet. Her hair is brushed over her right shoulder and down, although she usually has it up in a bun. Even so, Grayson's smitten with her natural state and no matter how badly he wishes he could cuddle with her, he knows she needs to study and he needs to go through with his plan.

He points the camera at himself, talking.

"So, here's a plant tour to show off some new flowers I got." He smirks, switching from the front camera to the back one and showing the first one.

"This is Benji", he moves to the next one, "and Barry", slowly filming each of his plants before coming to the last one. He turns the camera to Y/N, slowly zooming in on her flowery glasses.

"And this is Y/N, my favorite flower and girlfriend." He quickly switches the camera to the front one again, showing his beaming smile and cutting the video off when Y/N shouts his name upon realization what his plan was.

From that night on, they spent as much time together as humanly possible. Grayson would drive her to and from class as promised, always buying her food to munch on the way home. He uses the time she's busy with school to film with Ethan, tricking her to miss most of the work he told her she could do in the process. He could see she's buried in assignments and books, not wanting to add onto her stress. When she did help them, it was extremely fun for both Ethan and Grayson. She's always making them laugh and her ideas are more than helpful.

Living together became an adventure on its own. Ethan and Y/N got along quite well, but teased each other mercilessly. He's a night owl which definitely served well for bonding with Y/N who more often than not either couldn't fall asleep or had to study all night. She'd lull Grayson to sleep and study in the kitchen, taking small breaks to play Fortnite with Ethan. There were a few hiccups here and there though, like when Ethan walked in on her changing and she threw a shoe at his head, hitting the mark.

"Grayson, I need the", his eyes widen as Y/N screams, her reflex reaction being to throw a shoe at Ethan, "OWH, Y/N!"

Or the fact that they weren't intimate, but both yearned for it. Grayson felt like his head would explode and Y/N was slowly losing her inner battle too. She told him she always wanted to wait for marriage, because it's the way she's been raised and her culture is different than his as are her morals. She's grown in an environment that's a stark contrast to the one he grew up in and he understood her beliefs aren't the same. But that didn't mean his understanding helped them relieve the sexual tension growing between them. Y/N would often glare at him when his shirt is off and called him a 'temptress' and he called her his 'favorite sin'.

"It's not that I don't want to have sex with you, because trust me I REALLY DO. Like, really, really do. I'd just like to at least try and uphold the promises I made to myself. I fear I'd lose myself if I break this vow I've taken."  She sighed, leaning her forehead on his shoulder.

"Okay then. Until we're married. I'm going to die, but okay." Grayson agreed, fully invested in helping her keep that promise. He practically salivated at every inch of skin she showed and they certainly came close to abolishing their promises more than once, but Grayson never went beyond what she asked for. Whenever they got too hot and heavy and clothes got lost on the floor, Grayson would often be the one to stop it from advancing.

"You just can't keep your hands to yourself, huh?" He whispered in her ear, his lips swollen from their make out session. He adjusted his pants to make room for his bulge, one that he would take care of later.

"I can, but why the hell would I want to?" Y/N breathed and Grayson threw his head back with a growl erupting in his chest.

"I'M GOING TO DIE!"  He shouts dramatically, briskly toppling over Y/N and pinning her under his body, burying his face in her neck to suck a small mark right behind her right ear.

"Now, if you'll excuse me I will lock myself in the bathroom and take a long shower." He left Y/N to deal with her own hormones in the room, knowing he left a mark to show anyone who dares to flirt with his girl that she's taken.

On the other hand, there were issues whenever his friends came over. Bryant basically comes around twice a day to exercise and they get along great, but James and Emma were frequent too.

Emma made her visibly uncomfortable because Emma's an extrovert and one that's unafraid to be loud and say the most inappropriate things at the worst of times, while Y/N's the quiet, painfully polite type and so she shies away from her company though she'd never admit it.

But her biggest issue is James and his constant need to touch or flirt with Grayson which unnerved her. Y/N never knew she's the jealous type nor that she's possessive until she saw James fling his arms around Grayson and call him his future husband.

"Ahh! My future husband everyone!" James exclaimed, making Y/N fume. It's not the first advance he made on her man, which only made her blood boil. She trusts her Grayson, so that's not the issue here. For unknown reasons, she does something she didn't expect.

She pushes into the frame, detaching James from Grayson with a fake smile and attaching herself to him. She kisses him with all her might, reminding him he's hers and everyone else around them as well. Grayson's holding her close, she's running her fingers through his hair and pulling at the ends. Grayson moans into the kiss, making James gag in disgust and Y/N smile, cutting their show of affection short.

"Missed you, dragi (dear)." She smiles, wiping her lipstick off his mouth with her thumb, making it worse when it smudges. But her smile only widens and she winks at him, saying "Perfect" before going to their room to study.

After that, she made it a habit to mark her territory just as Grayson did. They trusted each other completely, but there's something in every person that wants others to just keep their hands away from their partners. Grayson also had a habit of always touching Y/N, making sure his hand is at least brushing her skin, which she mimicked subconsciously.

Despite it all, they made their own traditions. Grayson took her hiking every Sunday and Saturday was reserved for the beach per Y/N's insistence. Another thing she insisted on was Ethan tagging along on their little dates because she didn't like him being alone in the house.

She understood their twin connection, supporting it all the time and as much as possible. She needed them to stay close and she didn't want Ethan to feel left out. He always showed gratitude and quickly adapted to her presence around the house. He loved her cooking and humor, especially how she never got offended by his sarcastic remarks. Instead, she threw one back at him and they were usually so savage he started to take notes.

Y/N was happy in school, passing her exams and always hanging out with Jesse during breaks. So far, Grayson knew only a couple of things about her friend.

1. Jesse is a blonde.

2. Jesse loves coffee.

3. Jesse is funny and always makes her laugh.

4. Jesse lives close by.

5. Jesse always offers her a ride.

Y/N always talked about Jesse, but Grayson has yet to meet this friend of hers. He's honestly just happy she found someone she relates to and someone that has her back. Especially when he started filming more videos and his time with her became limited.

That something he'll regret later on.

However, their issues first started when Grayson found Y/N's many pills and his brain instantly went to the worst possible thing he could imagine: that she's taking drugs to study. But that wasn't the case.

"What are they for?!" He throws the packs of pills on the table in front of Y/N and Ethan, red in the face but inside he's shaking. He's terrified of her being hooked on something, of losing her to drugs and he blames himself for not noticing it sooner.

"Sit down and stop yelling first." Y/N says firmly, asserting her dominance as she knows Grayson will listen. She knows he'll listen because he's learned everything there is to know about her and he knows she won't have a screaming match, but a real conversation because nothing gets solved with people screaming on both ends. For that to happen, he needs to calm his explosive nature down and let her talk or he won't get any explanations that he's desperate for.

So, he does as she asked and sits across from her and beside Ethan. He pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a slow, deep breath to clear his mind and let go of the anger fueled by his fears. When he raises his eyes and looks into her captivating orbs, he's calmer and still nowhere close to peaceful.

"Those are for health reasons." She begins, swallowing thickly. Grayson can tell she's rather uncomfortable talking about this, but he needs to know.

"The green packs are for my thyroid because I have Hashimoto's disease. It's an autoimmune disorder and it helps me replace hormones the antibodies destroy." She sees both Grayson and Ethan's face change, their demeanor with it as well. Grayson's adjusting his blue bracelet and Ethan's running a hand through his hair to stop himself from freaking out.

"The white satchels help me because I have polycystic ovaries or better known as PCOS." She licks her lips, pointing to a yellow pack.

"Those help my insulin levels, because I have an insulin resistance." Her eyes flicker between the brothers who are staring at the bag of pills she carries around and drinks on daily bases in pain. They're in pain for her. They ache for her. She's about their age and she's struggling with so much. But she wasn't done.

"The big white ones are painkillers for days I can't handle the pain. The small green ones are for insomnia if I get too overwhelmed and I've never gotten on antidepressant or anxiolytics because my therapist knows my moods swings and anxiety, even occasional panic attacks happen because of my hormones. Most of these issues and others that I have are untreatable and a result of a pituitary tumor that's growing inside my head but it's currently too small to cause damage or for surgery to be necessary." She folds her hands in front of her, awaiting their reaction. It's as if she tortured them with the information they seeked. They're hunched over, frowning deeply and avoiding eye contact with her.

It's as she feared; they'll treat her differently.

"I'm fine. Don't go and treat me like I'm made of glass. I fight all this and have been fighting it since fourth grade and I'm not about to give up." She says sternly, reaching out to grab a hand from each twin. They look up, eyes glossed over with tears they want to shed. She grew on them both, worming her way into their hearts and after the loss they suffered, even the possibility of losing her is insufferable.

"You're in pain?!" Grayson's voice cracks and she looks up to the ceiling, mulling over what she could tell them and not cause panic.

"Yes." But she chooses the truth.

"Mostly my joints and muscles and it's tolerable. I have a high pain tolerance naturally, so unless you see me popping the big white pills, I'm fine. It's nothing new and I don't want you to stress about it." She emphasizes her claim about being well, but it doesn't help the boys. It's not something they take as lightly as she does.

"When you're not feeling well, you'll tell me. Am I clear?" Grayson tries to sound stern and puts on a brave face for her because he knows she'd hate to be looked at differently. It would destroy her. That didn't mean he'd forget all about this.

"Okay." She smiles at her man, grateful for having someone so supportive in her life. She's been missing him more and more lately, mostly because all their time together is packed in him driving her around and sleeping in the same bed. She's aware he's filming a lot of collaborative videos, but it doesn't settle the ache in her heart whenever he's away for too long.

Grayson's attempt of being the same around her weren't quite successful, but he tried and it's all she ever wanted from him. She wants him to want to be who she needs him to be, to try and she loves him for it. She loves all of him, all the time. She loves him even when he's driving her crazy with questions about how she feels or him spontaneously rubbing her joints or massaging her muscles. She loves him even when he reminds her to take her pills or pushes her to get out of bed when it's the last thing she needs. She simply loves him in the most complicated way she's ever known.

She always thought Grayson is the most attractive person she's ever met. Unlike most people, she never saw his tall form and bulky built as the reason why, although it certainly served as an added bonus. No, what convinced Y/N about Grayson's beauty was something entirely different. It's in the way his forehead wrinkles and eyebrows furrow when she mutters something in her native tongue and he's utterly confused, not understanding a word she's saying, but still puts an arm around her in case she's upset and he just doesn't know it. It's in the way his seemingly intimidating gaze lights up like a Christmas tree whenever she walks into the room and he becomes the cuddliest person in the world. It's in the way he quirks his eyebrow when he's trying to flirt and in the way he smirks when he's trying to be suggestive and cute. It's in the way he drags the tip of his tongue over his bottom lip when he wants to kiss her so badly it hurts and it's in the way he smiles so widely when she tells him she loves him that she's sure she'll never see such a genuine human emotion in another human being. That's where his sex-appeal comes from in her eyes and she's memorized his face, every line and crevice, every imperfection she deemed perfection to last her eternity.

"You're staring." He opens one eye, feeling her gaze upon him. Their Sunday hike turned chaotic when a storm rolled in, so they stayed in and spent the day cuddling. To be honest, they both needed that. They needed to feel close and to feel each other's bodies as they needed air to breathe. Because for Grayson, Y/N is the air he breaths.

"I'm just thinking." She replies quietly, a graceful ghost of a smile dancing on her lips as if she's a little confused, but also completely sure of something that's a mystery to Grayson.

"About?" He wondered, running his fingertips across her upper arm and silently celebrating that she still gets chills from his touch.

"Us. You." She pauses. "Mostly you."

Grayson's face warms as she creeps closer and rests her arms on his shoulders. He always liked when she touched him, not in a sexual manor, just feeling her skin on his. He longed for it; he craved it. The way her nimble hands caress his face, or her gentle eyes met his own. Her beauty is incredible; his heart loving her more and more by the second until he's sure there's no room left for his growing heart inside his chest. He's always surprised by the amount of love he feels for her, the clear adoration she evokes in him. Whenever he thinks there's no way his love could grow, he's proven wrong. And that's his favorite thing about her; she showed him what endless amounts of love means.

"Falling in love with you feels like home. When you smile at me I feel invisible hands wrapping around me making me feel safe. When your eyes are locked on mine, it's like I can see galaxies in them. Having you in my life makes me feel like everything's possible in this world, like I can conquer anything. I don't regret meeting you and I know you might be my first but what I really wish in life is for you to be my last." She spills her heart open, bringing tears to Grayson's eyes.

"Wow, my allergies are really bad today." He uttered, wiping his tired eyes.

"Kako te samo volim, budalice. (If you only knew how much I love you, silly.)" Her words halt Grayson's movements and he narrows his eyes at her.

"No fair. What did you say?!" He demands a translation, but she just shakes her head and connects their lips swiftly.

"Nope. Learn the language or suffer in the dark." Y/N brushes her nose against his once more before returning in her original position, her head on his chest and eyes closed. He groans, but doesn't object. In that moment, he swore he'd try and learn her native tongue and at least be able to say something in it by her birthday which was only a few months away. It would be a great gift to go with what he already got her, solidifying his best boyfriend of the year status.

"You said Jesse can pick you up tomorrow?" Grayson remembers, making sure Y/N's taken care of for the morning. She nods in reply, nuzzling into him.

It's the first time he'll miss taking her to class which felt like a slap to the face, but his obligations are expanding faster than he expected and to the extent he didn't anticipate. With the gym for children with special needs being made and them producing five music videos in the next two months, making their own videos and going back to New Jersey to help their mother with the maintenance of their property as they promised...well, Grayson's got himself stretched thin and the time he missed spending with Y/N the past few weeks would be reduced greatly.

He's sure their relationship is strong enough to survive it, all of it. They still argue and their differences are as clear as day most of the time, but they always find a way around them. Their communication is perfect as their honesty is and that's why they work so well. When Grayson needs advice, Y/N's the one to stop him from doing something stupid or reckless. She points him in the right direction and never judges him nor Ethan for their lack of common sense as he likes to call it. She's his brain and it's why their videos have been amazing lately. He even planned a video with her in it after her birthday, but he'll have to butter her up for it.

While Y/N serves as Grayson's common sense, his brain, he's her heart. He helps her adjust to new people and new places, introducing her to his friends and world slowly. He softens her up, helping her to be open to adventure and chaos because that's what he and Ethan are. They're chaos and no amount of planning helps change that. So yes, Grayson is helping her let go of control and just learn to go where the current takes her. He makes her appreciate the little things and makes her laugh. He has her so enthralled, but it doesn't mean she's blind to his faults.

She hates how easily he throws his money around to buy the stupidest things simply to own them. She hates how he refuses to let her buy things on her own and in a way takes away bits and pieces of her pride. She hates how often he gets tattoos and though she'd never admit it, she doesn't like half of them. She hates and loves how casual he is about life. She hates and loves how he uses his charm to get out of things he shouldn't be able to get out of. She loves how he wants to save the world and never stops thinking of ideas to help people. She loves how he radiates positivity, even when he's feeling anything but. She loves how caring he is, truly caring in his core and how he never lets her clam up, making sure she's well.

In conclusion, she both loves and hates him and she would never change it.

I'm in love with a tattooed avocabo loving brand whore, she thought with a faint smile as she fell asleep in his arms.

When she woke up, Y/N was hazy and tired. She rubbed the sleep out her eyes, squinting to see how she's supposed to remove this Grayson-made cage off her body. His soft snores make her giggle lowly. While she could barely sleep with Mr. Snorelax at first, she now found the sounds soothing. They assured her he's there, that he's breathing and she was safe in his arms. Using both her hands to lift the arm he used to trap her in his embrace, Y/N slid from under it and placed her pillow in her stead. She put her clothes on in the bathroom, grabbed her prepacked bag and tiptoed to the bed. Leaning in, she kissed his left temple and caressed his hair gingerly. It's always hard saying goodbye to him, even for a short while.

Leaving the room, she goes for the fridge to grab the fruit salad Grayson always prepares the night before. She finds it in the bottom left corner of the fridge, furrowing her eyebrows once she finds a note on top of the container.

To keep my Lil' Birdie strong and healthy. You're my inspiration as I am yours. I love you.

Y/N feels like her entire body is physically melting with the note he left her. It's not unusual for Grayson to compliment her or get her flowers or her favorite food. He makes sure she takes enough water and leaves the room when she's studying. He reminds her to take her pills and he's the one who lets her vent for hours on end if that's what she needs. Then there are his surprise dates and gestures that leave her speechless. He always has something sweet waiting for her and she loved that side of him. She loved that he's a romantic, a hopeless one at that.

Putting the note in her wallet and the container in her bag, she walked out the front door and just as she's about to lock up a loud noise scares her. She turns around to find her friend Jesse in a car, pressing the horn. Waving her arms vividly, she runs to the car and hops in, stopping the noise.

"Drive, you maniac!" She orders, taking a cup of tea Jesse offers her. She loved being with Jesse, finding a sympathetic ear to listen to her problems and a great study buddy. Jesse always had great insight and offered advice a licensed therapist would. Jesse never judged her for being an international student, nor her connection to the twins. Jesse proved to be an amazing friend and one that made her feel good about herself. Gossip girls stayed away from them and she wasn't an outcast anymore. Though the situation with her being Grayson's girlfriend never stopped on the internet, she found it to be quiet in Jesse's company. There was no hate or jealousy, just friendship.

The entire day passed with Grayson not seeing Y/N. It's the first time he woke up and she wasn't there, but he didn't hold it against her. It's only natural for couples to do things on their own, even if some of those things used to be their special thing.

He groans, yelling CUT for the fifth time in a row. For some reason, the shoot was a disaster the entire day. People ran late, equipment broke and it was clear he'd probably stay and shoot all through the night.

To: Lil' Birdie

I'm sorry, babe, but I'll have to stay here over night. Do u need me for anything?

Y/N frowned upon reading his text, feeling tears well up in her eyes. Yes, they've grown codependent and clingy with each other because Grayson had tears prick at his eyes while typing the text too. It's going to be their first night away from each other since she moved to L.A. and she didn't want to be alone.

To: Gray-bear

Don't worry about me. I'll probably stay over at Jesse's. Love you, babe. You're doing great!

Grayson smiles at her text, but it doesn't lift the weight and pressure on his chest for not seeing her today. He needs her like the air he breaths, like his heart needs blood to beat and he realizes that's turning toxic now. It's not toxic when they're together, but it's a waste dump when they're away from each other. They need to have some space and time alone, or so he tells himself.

To: Lil' Birdie

Love u 2, Sunshine. Have fun xx

They lock their phones and lean back in their seats, feeling the same disruption in their mood despite being on opposite sides of the same city. They feel the same disruption in their mood precisely because they're on opposite sides of the same city.

Y/N couldn't sleep that night. Not without his soft snores and steel tight cuddles. She's grown accustomed to his presence and now she's lost it so abruptly. The ache of longing to be with him echoed through the very marrow of her bones. It was a chill wind trapped in the chambers of her heart.

Unfortunately, this occurrence that was supposed to be an isolated incident ended up becoming a new tradition. More often than not, Y/N would wake up to Grayson wrapped around her like she's his lifeline, but she doesn't know when he came back that night. He'd wake without her there, knowing she's with Jesse. They don't see each other during the day and Grayson often sends that dreaded 'pulling an all-nighter' text that breaks her heart. Half the time, she just stays with Jesse, using the time with a friend to push the anxiety creeping up on her.

It's no longer exam anxiety, but relationship anxiety.

Y/N is painfully aware her extremely tall, dark and handsome boyfriend is spending all his time with gorgeous models and artists now instead of being with her. She barely sees him anymore and even their texts and cute love notes have gone way down. The sane part of her mind is accepting and understanding, because that is his job and he can't just drop everything for her on demand. It tells her he's in love with her and he'd never hurt her. It assures her he's loyal and she trusts him. But the other part of her brain, that nagging part she can't shut down is screaming at her. It's screaming he's sex deprived because of her, that the models around him will surely flirt with him and she didn't know if he would resist them or let it happen. She didn't know if he even missed her anymore, because it's been almost a month and they spend twenty hours a week together and most of that time is while they're asleep.

And she knows she's overreacting and she should listen to sanity, but it's hard. It's hard because they've barely talked for a whole month and when communication is sparse, the relationship suffers greatly. Trust starts to dwindle and those opposites come back up and bite them in the ass. There's no time to work around them anymore, nor to talk things through. Hell, even their weekends have fallen victim to his obligations and it's eating her up alive.

She never knew that missing someone could take over every fiber of your being and wring you out like a wet sponge every day. It is a torment she was unprepared for. It's worse than it was when she had to leave him behind. It felt worse because she had some finality to their farewell then, giving her time to accept it as an appropriate goodbye. She didn't know what it means to have him, truly have him like she does now.

Another month passes and this one is harder than the last one. Grayson and Ethan had left her alone in the house, flying to New Jersey to help their mum and for a collaboration with Doctor Mike, the only other YouTuber she liked. It was her idea to begin with and she wanted to go with them, but they left a week before spring break and she was buried in exams.

And now, her birthday is twenty hours away, Grayson's still in New York and she hadn't heard from him in two days. All she got was a measly snap of a view and 'Thinkin' about u' written on it. No proclamations of love, not even a photo of his face. It no longer saddened her, but angered her as well.

She wipes the steam from the mirror, feeling a little better after crying her heart out in the shower. Staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, she's shocked. She looks okay, normal even. Inside, the ache for him gnaws at the very heart that still beats endlessly for him. She pulls her lips into a smile, and lets out a frightened sob when she realized that anyone could easily mistake this lackluster grin for real happiness. It amazes her to think how she reverberated to the cold persona she used to be before he softened her. She's brilliant in pretending to be okay, but she's desperate for someone to notice that she's not.

Jesse noticed, but she didn't want Jesse to fix her. She didn't want Jesse to love her or show her how to keep on going. She's clinging to the ruin of her broken heart.

From: Gray - bear

I'll be home for your birthday. Promise. Be ready at 5, babe xx

She waited for him to come home that day as he promised. That slight spring in her step returned as she went around the house and fixed it for the boys to come back to a clean place. She felt like a stranger in the house without Grayson and Ethan, especially when the quiet settled in and left her alone with her thoughts. That's why she spent most of her time at Jesse's. She couldn't handle the silence.

But now, she had hope and something to look forward to. Spring break finally started and she had time and means to spend it all with her boyfriend. She tried to push away the thoughts of her ever doubting him out her mind and just enjoy the day.

Her family called and she talked to them for a full hour, and another half an hour with her best friend from back home who got married just before Y/N left. She's pregnant now and Y/N feels like she's missing so many important events back home, making her sadder than she already is.

She went into the closet and picked out her favorite green dress with the lacy top and flowy skirt that spread from just above her love-handles and down to her knees. The back is open and the sleeves are covering only the upper portion of her shoulders. Beads shaped like flower petals beautify the part just above the skirt and below her bust. She ties a bow at the back and lets her hair loose. Curling it, she watches the curls bounce to her mid back, showing some skin. She took some time to truly put on her make-up, deciding to go for the wow factor James often told her would look good on her. It took a longer time than she anticipated, but her make-up was acceptable and actually accentuated her features well.

Proud, Y/N grabs her phone to check the time only to frown when she sees Grayson's twenty minutes late. She texts him, plopping down on their bed.

And she waits, and waits and waits but with no reply. She can see photos of him in LAX surface on twitter, fans tagging her too.

Shaking her head with a bitter chuckle escaping her lips, Y/N calls up Jesse to pick her up. She was done waiting for Grayson while her make up melts and her curls turn straight again. She needed to vent, to get the anger out or she'd explode.

Hearing the familiar horn ten minutes later, Y/N rushes to the door with an overnight bag in tow. She wanted to be with him for so long and now she couldn't bear the thought of him touching her. She couldn't believe how stupid she felt for believing he'd actually show up for her on her birthday. Sure, she understood and supported his absence for over a month now, but it piled on and on and even the most understanding person would burst by now. He had been a boyfriend in name only and she was tired of being with someone and still not having him with her.

All the things she loves about him annoyed her now. She hated how he folded their clothes when it was his turn to do the laundry and she hated the way he made the bed. He never cleaned his shower, she did and he never put the books she gave him for reading back on the shelf. While he seems as the clean twin, he's the messy one who tries not to be. She's not. She keeps things clean and she likes them in certain places around the house and when it's all changed up, it unnerves her.

So, yes. She needed a night to vent to her best friend who Grayson never bothered to meet despite her inviting him along constantly. She met all his friends and hung with them even when she didn't really like them or the way they treated her boyfriend. He never did the same for her and she only had one person to introduce him to.

Blinded by anger, she opens the door and to her surprise she finds Grayson down the driveway. He's talking to Jesse, turning to the house in slow motion and with a visibly disheveled appearance.

Y/N walks down, waving to Jesse. Grayson doesn't lean in like he used to do on instinct, as he's so used to Y/N pecking his lips whenever she walked by. Instead, he narrows his eyes and folds his arms across his broad chest. His nostrils flare and jaw clenches and Y/N can tell he's pissed.

"You're leaving with Jesse instead of spending your birthday with me?" He asks through gritted teeth, his jaw clenching so hard Y/N wonders how all his teeth are still intact.

"Oh, nice to see you too boyfriend who doesn't even answer his phone when I call anymore." She retorts, mimicking his position.

"Don't reflect my questions. You're leaving with your friend who is a GUY and I only find this out now?! You've been spending all your time with a guy, sleeping at his place and you didn't think that was important information to share?!" Grayson shouts, his booming voice forcing Y/N to step back and visibly flinch. He softens immediately, but the anger he feels is still burning in his eyes.

"The only reason you don't know he's a guy is because you never bothered to meet him. Oh, yeah, another thing, I waited for you for four hours! Hell, for two months if we're being real now!" She whisper shouts, refusing to raise her voice enough for the neighbors to hear.

Grayson chuckles dryly, shaking his head at her.

"You're serious now? I'm here and I want to spend time with you because yeah, I missed you! I just want you and you're basically cheating on me!" Grayson doesn't yell as loud as he did the first time around, but his voice is loud and filled with anger Y/N never saw in him before and she doesn't like it.

Not one bit.

"Whoa! We're just friends, man. Let up on her." Jesse gets out of the car, stepping between them to diffuse the situation. Y/N puts a hand on his shoulder and Grayson's eyes focus on it, only fueling the fire.

"She's my girl and I have every right to get answers from her." Grayson get in Jesse's face and Y/N's heart sinks. She's genuinely fearful of what's happening, afraid of Grayson's reaction. She's used to Grayson being loud, but always in a playful manor. Never like this.

"Jesse, you should go." She talks in a small, but calm voice which only alerts Jesse that he should stay.

"I'm not leaving you with this hothead." He tells her, keeping his place between them to make sure Grayson can't touch her.

"I won't hurt her." Grayson's face falls, realizing what Jesse implied. His eyes flicker to Y/N and her eyes are filled with unshed tears and something he never thought he'd invoke in her; fear.

"Baby... Y/N, you know I'd never. I'm just...frustrated and I don't understand why you never told me about him and I missed you. I MISS you so much it hurts. Please, baby, you gotta believe me." Grayson's voice cracks several times in his plea for Y/N's understanding and forgiveness.

His eyes meet hers, a silent conversation exchanging between them.

"Jesse, go. He won't hurt me." She tells him bleakly, not breaking eye contact with Grayson until Jesse turns to her in shock.

"How sure are you?" He asks, trusting her judgement. If Y/N says something, he trusts her on it unconditionally.

"Absolutely certain." Her voice is steady, no doubt in it which makes Jesse shake his head in response.

"Then you should know something." Jesse leans in, preparing himself to tell her the truth of things he didn't piece together until this night. He has witnessed one of Grayson's indiscretions and he wasn't going to keep his secret. He didn't owe him anything, but now that he's certain this man is the same one he saw, he knew he owed it to Y/N. She should know the truth.

"Your wonderful boyfriend here is the one who messed with your dorm room. He cancelled it for you." Jesse wasn't aware of it then, or maybe he was, but he opened a Pandora box when he spilled a secret Grayson was most ashamed of.

Y/N's stares blankly at Jesse, slowly moving her gaze to Grayson as her eyes narrow and her gaze turns into a glare.

"Jesse, go." She orders, stopping him before he objects. "GO."  And he does, leaving an active volcano in his wake.

Y/N turns on her heel, walking into the house briskly and without looking back. It takes a few moments before Grayson's capable of walking after her, knowing he has no defenses. He screwed up and he wouldn't blame her if she hated him.

He finds her pacing in the living room, gnawing on her lower lip and scratching her chin with her right hand. Her heels are kicked to the couch and her steps are quiet, but quick.

"I had no right." Grayson faltered. He had no words to explain his actions and definitely not ones to excuse his behavior from earlier. He should have trusted her as she trust him. He allowed the devil on his shoulder to win and now he has to suffer the consequences of all the devil's wins.

"No, you didn't...Do you even", she pauses, closing her eyes with her palm turned to him hanging in the air.

"Do you even know how it made me feel? You took my choice, my own place I got on my own merit and not because I'm with you! You took what I spent a month working to get and worst of all, you didn't tell me!" She lets out a bitter laugh, one that is followed with a shake of her head.

"You manipulated me into staying here, into something you knew I wouldn't take as my first choice! You knew I wanted to be independent and that I can't afford something other than the dorm. God, Grayson, do you even realize what you did?! How you've hurt me? Not just with that, but the mistrust?! You do realize that I wasn't completely happy with you being around all those models or about your fans always being inappropriate with you?! But I trusted you, even when my entire brain turned on me!" Her voice is hoarse already, laced with anger and pain he had only heard in the elevator on that fated day they met. The same day their love began and bloomed until Grayson burned it to the ground.

"I'm sorry." He falls to his knees.

"Please, forgive me. Please." He tugs at her dress, but she steps back.

"You! Ugh!" She's flushed, her hands made into fists and shaking by her sides. She's so angry at him that she'd rather claw at her skin than let him touch her. But she also wants his touch. It's like a drug, you both hate and crave it and eventually, she caves into her addiction.

She takes his hands and takes him to the bedroom, tears spilling from her eyes now as she takes her dress off while Grayson sits at the foot of the bed, unsure if he should leave or stay.

"I can sleep on the couch if you want me to." He offers, defeated and broken on the outside as he is on the inside.

"No. Just...hold me for tonight."

So he does. He holds her close, her back flush against his chest as he listens to her breathe. He missed the sound dearly.

Grayson doesn't even know what happened outside or who he was in that moment. He's never been that kind of a guy and worst of all, he scared the love of his life. He doesn't dare kiss her, afraid she'll change her mind and push him away.

It's just that the time they spent together decreased and when he started seeing Y/N's photos with some guy on social media and several of them at the time he asked her who she's with and she told him she's with Jesse. He assumed she lied to him, that she wanted to play him like he'd been played before. It shattered him.

So, yes, he's been angry. He has ignored Y/N and he tried to justify it in his mind, distancing himself from her while needing her the most. He promised himself he'd ask her about it and accept whatever explanation she gives him. But when he found Jesse in the driveway, his mind went to the worst possible outcome.

When morning comes, he'll face his punishment. He'll take whatever she throws at him, but for this night he'll just hold her. He can feel her sobs and his own follow. He'll just hold her while he still can. Until they cry themselves an ocean and tire out. And he did.

She pulls the pillow closer to her chest, gnawing on her bottom lip. Grayson doesn't even look up, choosing to stare at his fidgety fingers in his lap instead. Neither know how to verbalize what they feel, both feeling suffocated and troubled by everything.

"Maybe we were wrong." Y/N says quietly, taking a few short breaths in order to stop a choked sob from escaping her lips. Grayson looks up with furrowed eyebrows, torn about his own feelings and now the words coming from her mouth.

"Maybe we're just too different to make this work." She finished her initial statement, resting her chin on the purple pillow in her grasp to avoid Grayson's gaze.

Silence settles, finding a way to crack their hearts and the sound of their broken hearts shattering on the ground is almost deafening for Y/N to take. Instead of remaining quiet as Grayson is, she continues to speak in hopes of him talking her out of this. She wants him to be the dreamer she met, the same guy who wouldn't let her walk away from everything they've built without a fight. But he doesn't seem to be that guy anymore. He doesn't seem to be her Grayson.

"Opposites attract on paper, but how often do those stories have a happy ending? Were we wrong from the start?"

"No. We weren't. I messed up. I'm not worthy of you and I always knew that. If you want to do it - end this and you really don't love me anymore or you don't see anything worth fighting for, I'll let you go.“ Grayson sniffled, his entire body shaking.

She allowed him to explain how he feels and why he did what he did. He told her everything, even about the foundation he set up for her.

"It's not money I just gave you. Ethan and I both agreed to give you 33% of profits we made off videos you gave us an idea for. That's the money you got. You earned it and you've basically been earning money this entire time. We knew you'd say no to it, so we didn't make a contract or a non-disclosure agreement. It's money made thanks to you and you deserved it. That's the money that so called foundation gave you."

It's all in the open now and her choice, whatever it may be, will be his Constitution. Knowing he didn't just give her the money helped heal parts of her wounded pride, but it was still unnerving. It was difficult to accept he lied to her the entire time or him sabotaging her, much less the lack of trust he displayed. She knows it was the stress getting to him and the distance didn't help. He's been struggling more with his loss lately, changing his usual reactions as the anniversary passed. So she did understand. She just isn't sure if Grayson's state is temporary or he truly changed into this man she didn't recognize last night.

He can see her inner battle unravel and he can hear her breaking heart. He broke them both. It is a cruelty of life that a heart can keep on beating even after it has been broken in two. It can feel as though it is being gripped in an ice-cold vice and ache as if it will implode in your chest, but still the boom-boom continues.

"Do YOU think there's something left to fight for?" She directs her question to him, feeling the dark circles under her eyes as a weight of sorts, begging her to close her eyes.

"I do. I think we had something beautiful and the time we spent apart put a strain on us. Add stress and pictures taken out of context and you'll have yourself a mess. I know I've made mistakes, but I'm human. I never meant to hurt you, only help you. You're so stubborn and proud and I didn't want you to struggle. Not when I have more than enough to support you and your dreams. It wasn't a power play, but a genuine desire to give you a chance to do it all and be happy. I just want you happy and if I'm not your happiness anymore, I'll let you go. No strings attached." Grayson is grasping for straws, still holding onto hope that maybe their differences started to change into similarities. He hoped he rubbed off on her and she'd forgive him like he'd forgive her. He was ready to forgive her for cheating if that was the case, because that's how much he loves her and believes in a future with her.

"Think about it. Don't say anything right now if you're not sure. I'll just go get something quick." Grayson excuses himself and leaves. Y/N follows his disappearing figure with a hollow inside her filling up again. She wants to let him back in because no matter how angry his actions made her, she knows he meant no harm. She understands his motives and she'd probably do something similar for him if the roles were reversed. She wouldn't have manipulated him, but she'd surely work on convincing him to live together so he doesn't have those added costs of living. In some twisted way, what he did for her was genuine and his greatest proclamation of love. One she never wanted him to repeat, but was secretly grateful for.

As for trust, it's still there. Tensions were high and stressed out people often read too much into simple things and misunderstandings aren't uncommon. She would need time to get back to where they were, but she wanted to want to try. He was supportive and patient with her pain and mood swings, so she would be the same for him.

Grayson returned, a box with a bow in hands.

"I bought this for your birthday. At least open it." He's begging for her to do him this last kindness before ruining him for the rest of his life. He'll have to live with the knowledge he destroyed the best thing the universe ever sent his way; his soulmate.

Reluctant at best, Y/N opens the box. Her hand covers her mouth and quivering lips, her eyes looking over something she thought was gone forever.

"I tried to find the original company, but they stopped making them. So, I got a professional to fix it and customize some things." Grayson smiles weekly, satisfied she likes it.

Y/N takes her gift out of the box and gently runs her hand along the purple leather. The jacket Grayson ruined when she got hit by his Bronco; he fixed it and added something it didn't have.

"I thought it was gone. I didn't even ask about it so you wouldn't feel guilty. " She breaths out, finding her heart filling with love for this man who is so hauntingly human, mistakes and all.

"I hoped you wouldn't ask about it while I tried to mend it. Volim te, Y/N. Uvijek i zauvijek. (I love you, Y/N. Always and forever.)"

Y/N’s bottom lip quivers as she hears him speak of love in her native tongue. Though his accent is way off, the fact that he did this for her, that he tried enough to learn anything with his dyslexia meant the world to her.

Speechless, her mind struggling to even form coherent thoughts let alone words, Y/N moves her eyes to the writing on her jacket.

There's a whole message stitched into the inside of it, one proclaiming his love for her.

I keep falling in love with you and each time is harder than the last. Every time the feeling gets deeper, more complete, more bewitching. There isn't a thing I wouldn't do to keep you safe. Don't ever think you have to ask for my affection because you don't, and you never did. The more love I give you the more I have bursting inside of me. Were we ever strangers? I'm not sure we were. That day I first saw you there was something even then. I wonder if there's an element of time that allows us to feel a strong love through time and space, different realities. I remember the day our bond was forged. It was like being let into the warmth after a lifetime of winter. I could never wish to go back to even a day before that. You are the greatest treasure of my life, the one, the only one.

Love, G.B.D.

"I - I can't b-believe you did this for me." She feels her anger dissipate, opening the way to let the reasons why she fell for him back in. It's a long way from forgiveness, but it's a good start.

She wants to fight too. She does. She will.

She folds the jacket and presses it to her chest, holding back tears again.

"I want to fight too. We're real and I think we're worth saving. I promise to stop being so stubborn and let you help me out if you promise to be completely honest with me. No more lies, no more petty arguments and silent treatments. You answer when I call and I'll do the same." She clears her throat.

"You made a mistake, a couple of those. But you're not past saving Grayson. You're still that man I fell in love with. We just have to work out these issues before they pile on like they did now. We'll always have times in life where we're apart and communication is key. Don't freeze me out. Let me in your inner circle as I did with you. You've obviously been hurt like this before. But I won't do that to you. Not ever. No matter how bad things get, okay? Being this open, this emotionally vulnerable is hard enough with one person, so yeah...trust me...you're the only one in my heart and soul. I want to be so confident with you and yet these old insecurities come back for one last jibe...it'll be okay though, it's like winter. It passes eventually, allowing the warm days to return and my faith in you to grow all the more. " She finishes, watching as Grayson's lips part.

"Relationships are work and I'm willing to work on ours. I choose to love you every day and every night, even when I hate you I will love you. I'll choose you over and over again, until my last breath." He takes her hand in his, inwardly screaming when she doesn't move it away. He moves seats, settling by her side and cupping her cheek. He's testing her limits, watching her carefully for signs of distress.

"I want to marry you some day." He hears her sharp intake of breath and cracks a smile, knowing he's going too fast and coming on too strong.

"But only when you're ready. Until then, I will wait patiently and make sure you know I'm all in. Always."

Y/N traces his jawline with the tip of her finger, slowly leaning in until their lips touch and her entire being ignites. She could never give him up, not for anything in this world. Her heart is his as his is hers and there's no way of denying it. Not that she wants to. Ever.

They kiss, letting go of the pain and anger they held onto and forgive each other for their sins to allow healing in.

And in that moment a new understanding is born between these wounded souls. No matter how much you love someone, love is never enough. You have to work on your relationship, develop it in every way possible until it's so strong even death cannot cut the emotional tether the souls have created. Their differences make their road harder, but parting is no longer an option for them. He is her anchor in a storm and she's his guide when the night falls.

Perhaps they aren't so different after all? The very things that put a rift between them are those that keep them together. They fit, like long lost puzzle pieces.

You know, legend has it humans were two headed, four armed and four legged creatures with two sets of organs...two sets of everything but their soul. Zeus feared humans would become too powerful so he used thunder to break a soul in two and bodies part into the same form we know today. He cursed humans to walk the earth in search of their other half, of their soul and we all assume that other part is similar to the one we carry inside.

But what if it's a polar opposite? Pulling onto what soul you have left like a magnet, desperately pushing closer until it's whole again and the world finally makes sense. It can happen anywhere, anytime; whether it's in the middle of a busy street or in the silence of a library, maybe in a rainforest or a desert.

For Y/N and Grayson, it happened on a street, right after he ran her over with his car. And time stood still, allowing their souls to connect and become whole once more after centuries of searching.

All the ups and downs they endured led to that one moment where they, polar opposites, finally found the secret of life: opposites attract.

-----> When a realist dreams (part three)

Tags: @xalayx @heeydolan @accalialionheart @fallinginlove-16 @ourlittleshawnie @ashwarren32

[annakie]

Notes on a Blog Cleanup (& some other stuff) Part 4

Made it all the way back to  to page 1000. 

Started with 3021 pages.  Currently have 2954 pages, adding in posting 10 - 13 times a day for the last month... deleted somewhere around 87 pages of posts (or around 1300 total).  I’m in April 2015.  So it took two and a half years to do 50% of my posting here and nearly another year and a half to get that down to 2/3rds. It’ll just speed up from here.

Anyway, here’s a bunch of words about tumblr, fandom, and Doctor Who.

I’ve found myself deleting more news articles lately.  There’s almost no cringe-y stuff left. If I go back and do this again it’ll be even more deleting current events stuff unlessI connected to it somehow.

A LOT of the content creation I ever did happened in this time.  I did so much giffing for Who’s Line, a lot of video game stuff, especially Mass Effect, cause you know, it’s me, and a lot of edits and such.  Some way better quality than others.  I was also getting thousands of notifications a day from the few things I did that were really popular back then (still sometimes get notes on that Whose Line/Elmo/Game of Thrones gifset to this day).   

I know I’m not like, the best at gifs and edits, but hey, I think some of it is like, pretty good?  There’s a few things I’m a little sad about that just never took off, but I bet all people who try and post OC on Tumblr feel that way about some of their stuff.  A few things I made did surprisingly well, though.

I still will make the odd gif/photoset there that’s more than just “here’s some nice screenshots I took slightly edited” but honestly, I feel like these days it’s so hard to get many notes on tumblr at all?  Like there’s just so fewer people making stuff, and even less reblogging gifsets/photosets?  Idk, maybe it’s something more specific to my overall followers and who you all follow?  But I made a joking post a couple of days ago about my dash feeling weird because not everything is specifically tailored to me after scrolling through my blog, but on the OTHER hand, I also feel like, overall Tumblr has become just yet another place to post memes and text posts and has the big problem of the Reddit/Twitter/Tumblr/Instagram (+TickTock) circle where each place is like 50% screenshots/reposts of content the others?  This obviously isn’t a criticism of any actual people, but just... what tumblr has become the last year or two?  Is it just me?  Like you can find some gifsets and such with a couple thousand notes here and there but... just not as much is being produced now?  Does that make sense?

Like a month or two ago I spent a couple of hours specifically looking for good general fandom blogs specific to several fandoms I’m in and... it’s hard to even find those blogs anymore.  Like, “fuckyeah” type blogs that are someone’s sideblog about a specific topic.  And hey, believe me, I’ve created and abandoned several of these kinds of blogs on my time here (and at least one I’d keep up with but.. it just doesn’t have any content being generated for it so it’s just... sparse) so I get it.  Maybe I’m just not looking in the right places, I don’t know.  

I keep wondering how much longer I’m going to keep doing this little project, and then every 10 or pages I come across a post I didn’t tag properly that’s now been found, or something I just really wanna get off my blog and I’m like “Welp, when I stop finding these, I’ll stop looking.  So maybe in like, 2018. :p  LIterally finding posts I forgot I ever made in the first place and like has made it worth it.

Notes on TAH Fandom

This was also the phase of being heavily heavily like SO heavily into The Thrilling Adventure Hour.  And I have a lot of thoughts on that, too.

Literally, one of the best decisions of my life, tbh.  Not every moment of being like a SuperFan of this thing was sunshine and roses, but most of them really were.  Honestly, I made such good friends.  I had some extraordinary experiences, doing things that I wouldn’t have otherwise done, for sure.  I traveled to Seattle, Chicago, New York twice, and LA three times, hanging out with new friends, and getting to know the cast of a thing I loved so much, and also somehow getting to be known by them as well.  There were things that happened that I didn’t blog about here because I never wanted to come off as braggy, or just to keep a confidence.  There were a few not-as-great things that happened during that time, but basically, 2014 through mid-November 2015 will likely go down as one of the best time periods of my life, for a lot of reasons, but a good chunk of that was the experiences I had through TAH.

Hoo boy though, I blogged about it a LOT.  Like, it felt like almost as much as early blog was about Doctor Who.  I was, uh, real enthusiastic and am now kinda regretful about some of those early fandom tags.  Also turns out some of the TAH people looked at my blog more than I knew, I think, so a little yikes there thinking back on it now.  But also I was kind and helpful a lot, so all of that was good.

This is a good recap post of all of the awesome stuff.  And even that glosses over a lot of the really cool stuff, or skirts around some of it, just to try and stay brief about it.

One of the big things I learned from that experience was that being a very involved person in a fandom is such a double-edged sword.  For one thing, it honestly became somewhat of a second job for me, which I 100% put upon myself.  But running FYTAH (with Shannon!) and admining/writing a large percentage of the TAH Wiki (with Ange!), working in the booths at conventions (with Jena + Shannon/Kitty/Jamie/Dani) and being available to help in a variety of other ways was A Lot.  Which again, I took on willingly.  And Ange warned me about it several times but I was like “No I want to do this.”  So then it also kind of turned into like a customer service job even outside of working at the cons.  After awhile you gotta smile and be nice allllll the time. I ended up taking a lot of things offline to a small subset of friends.  And most of that came from other fans, not from the show itself (except like, feeling like I couldn’t show my true disappointment when the show was ending, or feeling like I couldn’t air any criticisms I had about the show except in very private conversations.)  

At one point I was having an email conversation with a couple of those friends and realized that, for the first time in my life, I was like a “popular kid”, which was weird.  And I tried my damnedest to be as welcoming and inclusive and not to let anyone feel left out.  But also there’s a point where like, you can only take on so much, and you can only be actual friends with so many people?   You can be kind and welcoming and enthusiastic and all, but you only have so much time and energy to give away.  There were so many messages I never answered still sitting in my / the FYTAH inbox or in email and some on twitter because I just didn’t have the bandwidth to give away sometimes.  It was a weird lesson to learn because I knew it so well in general in my personal life, but had never had to apply it... in this way before?  Does that sound weird?  Or braggy?  I feel like I’m walking on land mines with this one.

For a more specific example of what I mean, in March, 2015 ten of us rented a house and lived in it for a long weekend for the TAH 10th anniversary show + a fun getaway vacation. Everyone invited was someone I knew or were close with someone else in the group.  A few more people had been invited but couldn’t afford it, so word got around a little bit.  And it was AMAZING.  But I later heard that there were a few people, most of whom I didn’t really know, were hurt that they weren’t invited.  Jena and I spent dozens of hours and put a lot of financial risk into being the custodians of the trip for even the ten of us, and it was a huge undertaking.  It was never meant to be a thing for the entire fandom, just a group of people who were already friends.  But there was still a small kerfluffle from a few people about it.  Which, I TOTALLY get feeling bad about being left out but... it was always supposed to be a relatively small thing, never any kind of “Official Fandom Get Together”.  And we definitely didn’t have the time/money/ability to host an “open call for anyone to come” type thing.  Just coordinating 10 people (and about 25 - 30 overall getting together to hang out at designated times over the weekend) was... more than enough.

At one point sometime later people started suggesting that we organize and hold an actual TAH-Con and I... let that one pass me by without really talking about it.  It was definitely too much, and even then I knew it.  And I mean, the shadow of Dashcon was still hanging over all fandoms heavily in those days.  I wasn’t about to become the next Dashcon.  It never got past a few emails being passed around.

So yeah, to be honest, if I could go back and do those years again, I absolutely would, it was like 95% awesomeness.  But I think in regards to some of the fandom-specific things, I’d be a little less of a doormat, and I’d be a little more careful about spreading myself too thin.

So now that the show is “back”, I am enjoying listening to it, and I’ll reblog some things or post big news on FYTAH, but I’ve been lazy about even helping out with the wiki (I keep meaning to get back to it, Ange is still doing great) because... although I’m still a HUGE fan, I also am gonna be more laid back about it now.  

I also haven’t REALLY loved a thing in the same way since TAH.  The closest there has been is Critical Role, and I’ve been real careful to stay out of any actual fandom stuff there.  I really love the thing, but I’m gonna keep with my group of 5 or 6 other fans I already know (all from other fandoms) who love the thing too, and stay out of wider discussions.  With some of the stuff happening there lately, it was a good decision.  

Wow, that was a lot of words.  Sorry. 

Hey one last thing to catch up on.

Doctor Who Rewatch 2019!

I’m now already at 6x01, into the Silence episodes.

So I did finally rewatch the Desert Bus episode that I hated so much before and like... this time... it was fine?  Cheesy and all, but not so bad that I should have hated it as much as I did?  Also noticed the Doctor doing the classic “gonna hit on this girl really hard in the beginning then drop her so quick at the end” thing to the companion of the week.  Ah, Ten.  The most bi-polar of all Doctors.  I’m gonna be honest, I decided to skip on through Waters of Mars because I realized I was just ready to be done with Ten at that point.  I’ll probably go back to it at some point but I wasn’t ready for another Ten Temper Tantrum, maybe the worst one of all, in that episode.

So I finished Ten (and oh man that whole two-parter to end Ten with... like the whole Master plotline is such a stinker.  The first half, in particular, is so bad, the only really good scene is the one in the cafe with Wilf.  The rest of it... wow.  Wasn’t that whole thing written like the week before filming and never really edited or something? IDK.)  The last half hour or so is really good though, with Ten’s sacrifice (after a tantrum) and then all the companion goodbyes (except Joan Redfern’s granddaughter, bleh).  

But yay, on to Eleven and Amy and Rory and more River!

Season Five is... wow it starts off strong and really stalls there in the middle for a bit.  Picks back up a bit with Rory returning, then somehow has two great episodes without Rory and ends strong, though the first pretty nonsensical Moffat-era “this doesn’t make sense but it looks and sounds so good you don’t care, right?” season arc and ending.  Season six, I’m already remembering, is way, way worse for that.  But anyway.  Rory remains my second favorite companion ever.  And episodes with Amy, Rory and River continue to be my favorites.  Also? Matt Smith is so good.

But even early on in season six I’m remembering how really dumb the overarching plotline is... Moffat is great at “Oh man this will be cool so I’m gonna throw it in there! (and it really is some very cool stuff!) and hope it all makes sense later!�� Or just don’t think about it too hard!”

Honestly though, despite all the quibbles, most of the episodes work on an individual level if you don’t think about the the overall arc Moffat is trying to do.  Even those that are a bit sloggy, like the Cold Blood/Hungry Earth two-parter, have enough great moments to justify watching them.  (Ambrose is still maybe one of the worst “regular people” characters to ever be on this show, though.)  There’s still no “Fear Her”.  And that’s pretty good.

Also?  The blog itself is now about as Doctor Who oriented as it is in the last year.  Like... oh the season is airing?  There’s a lot more good stuff to reblog, I’ll reblog good stuff.  Season not airing, a scattered post here and there.  It’s a much better place to be.

After Amy and Rory leave, that was about the end of my true like “Doctor Who Obsession” phase.  On my Blog we’re in the break between Amy and Rory leaving and Clara showing up. I never really clicked with Clara, I think like a lot of people.  Like I really liked the season with Danny, but after that season I never really rewatched episodes, so I’m looking forward to getting there and experiencing some stuff again for the second time.  

[adryrn]

Net neutrality isn’t enough

So. Net neutrality. I’ve been reblogging a lot of stuff about it ‘cause I think it’s important—but I haven’t seen much at all about how it’s basically a stop-gap measure and nowhere near sufficient to preserve the communication abilities we’ve all grown used to or grew up with.

As a lot of other people on here are reminding us, the fight isn’t over. The repeal has to get through Congress and the courts. Pester the fuck out of your congresspeople, etc. etc.

It may also be helpful to remind people that Title II net neutrality was a thing that happened in 2015. All the development of the internet into what we use today up to that point happened WITHOUT the net neutrality laws that were repealed. Even WITH those laws in place, ISPs were still pulling illegal shenanigans. The internet has survived a long time without net neutrality laws. It’ll keep doing that for a little while. (Because the ISPs want to lull us into a false sense of security, if nothing else.)

Ultimately, I think it’s also important to remember that development of the internet we use today was funded by the U.S. government—especially by the military. Awfully convenient how the internet now functions as the most invasive tool of mass surveillance in the history of ever, right? Especially considering we all semi-voluntarily use it.

It’s also important to remember that the servers that power all your favorite services and websites all consume lots of energy (and that’s not even getting into the mining process of the rare earth minerals necessary to build the devices. Or the factories they’re made in.) It’s probably not sustainable as is. If ISPs or the government don’t wreck it first, eventually sheer economic adversity/collapse will.

ALSO a lot of apps/social networks/websites we use were built with venture capitalist funding. They fund a bunch of things, expect to lose most of their money, and accept that loss as the cost of seeing what’s actually profitable—then ditch whatever doesn’t turn a profit. That’s going to be pretty much any platform that doesn’t generate massive ad revenue or user fees (or valuable private information they can sell to third parties =D) at this point. It’s why a lot of stuff we use is going away/putting up adblocker blockers/desperately begging us to disable our adblockers.

In short, the internet as we know it is basically doomed in the long term, with or without net neutrality.

(Doesn’t mean efforts to push the things that will kill it back a little further are worthless, though. It’s still a useful tool for as long as we can hang on to it, as long as we’re also careful to manage our use wisely. Keep fighting.)

In addition to pestering your lawmakers, here are some long-term strategies to replace the internet in your life: -BUILD ALTERNATIVES. Look into local mesh networks and be part of them if you can (see the end of this for more info. Whole thing is worth a read). The internet is essentially a shit ton of connected computers. Learn how to connect your computer to your local friends’ computers without going through an ISP. Build your own mini networks, if you have the time and ability and interested local friends. -Use the internet now to find analogue resources. Find local support/action groups. Network with people who you have stuff in common with who live near you but haven’t physically crossed your path yet. Discover local music, or just bands in general that you like and can find stuff by in local music stores (if you have those.) Find books—write a massive to-read list if you don’t already have one. Hoard PDFs and MP3s and video files and pleasing images like there’s no tomorrow (maybe you’ll be able to put them all on a mesh network for your friends 10-20 years down the road and they’ll all be super happy to see them again =D). If you like it, SAVE IT. (But… like… don’t repost it to the internet without crediting the originator? That would be super rude =/. )   -Look into how web dwellers did shit in the 90s and early 00s. Build e-mail networks and newsletters and shift your reliance to those rather than social networks; e-mail seems pretty firmly entrenched and if one company fucks up, you can make new address with a different one and import your contacts/sign up for your newsletters again. I know it’s hard and most of your family and friends won’t be into it, but do your best and be patient? (Also I suspect there are a lot of people out there who would grouch about lack of internet but more or less happily adapt to life without the kind of social networking we have now. Think how many people bothered to socialize online before social networks made it easy. If you can’t remember that far back—it wasn’t that many. Certainly not a majority.) -I know this is a challenge for a lot of you, but actually go out of your way to converse with your internet friends specifically/privately on a regular basis. If you like someone, don’t just passively consume their posts and reblogs. Build an actual relationship with them. -After doing the above (if you’re not already there), develop backup communication plans. Start sending each other postcards and letters, or get in the habit of calling them regularly on the phone (if you’re into that, I guess?) Make sure you can still reach them even if your preferred social network (or the web, or internet service in general) becomes inaccessible. -Back up your shit on hardware you actually own, not just on the cloud (someone else’s hardware sitting miles away from where you live, potentially in another country or on an entirely different continent o__o).

(I don’t actually do all of the above. I know some of them are kind of onerous, and we’re all already super stressed/busy anyway. But keep it in mind and look for opportunities to build these kinds of communication resources anyway, if you want to keep any of what you already get from the internet in the long term.)

(Also you’ll notice there are no sources here except for that Crimethinc link. I wrote most of this off the top of my head after being inspired by a couple articles and can’t be arsed to solidify/double-check shit, so do your own research if you don’t believe me. Maybe I’m wrong. This is a jumping-off point and is in no way intended to be a comprehensive resource. Also check this Rune Soup post out for some great insights.)

(And yeah, I know a lot of us use the internet the way other people use TV—effortless distraction to numb all the shit and stress in our lives. If you have to put much actual effort into it, that defeats the entire purpose. … good luck and sorry in advance for your loss? There are probably analogue coping mechanisms you could develop for your shit to replace the internet, too, but that is a subject for another post. Maybe you could write one if you’re feeling unusually energetic today?)

[iinuzukas]

♛   COMMISSIONS  »  HELP A FELLOW FRIEND - LAPTOP FUND!

UPDATE;     I HAVE REMOVED MY CUSTOM URL DOMAIN - SO YOU CAN NOW CLICK READ MORE;     SORRY ABOUT THE MALFUNCTION.  

Hello everyone!  So If you don’t know my name, I go by PANDORA.     I’m just your typical TWENTY-ONEyear old introvert who loves to make graphics, themes && video editing projects.        I am OPENING COMMISSIONS because I need your help.    I’ll be moving back to New York come this fall, && my main laptop decided to quit ( the hardrive is still intact, thank the gods for that. ).   Tbh, it’s been having issues ever since I got it for my eighteenth birthday.     I do have a FULL-TIME summer job, but I’ll be saving up to fix my old Laptop so I can continue to do my graphics and video editing projects. I also need it to keep up with my writing I do here.    This job will only last till LATE-AUGUST/EARLY-SEPTEMBER && I could use the extra money to go towards my laptop savings fund, as once I move, I’ll have no laptop since I’m currently using my aunt’s home mac computer.  So, I really need to get it before I move.   Not to mention I’ll have some upcoming medical expenses due to some things happening lately.    

If you can’t commission anything, please don’t worry!  A simple REBLOG to spread the word would mean the world to me.   Or you could donate here if that’s what you desire -> ( BUY A COFFE FOR PANDORA!)

NOW PLEASE be aware that I do work a nightshift job that’s full-time, so I will take my time working on anything that’s commissioned.   I want to give out QUALITY OVER QUANTITY.

PAYMENT will be upfront via PAYPAL. IM will be open for anyone interested. PRICES && EXAMPLES are listed below.   ALL COMMISSIONS will not have gif elements in them. this is due to me being stuck on cs3. ALL PRICES are negotiable.   And I can create packages if you bundle.

CODED THEMES

BASE THEME / MINIMAL - $10 THEME / CONTAINED W/ MULTIPLE LINKS - $15   CONTAINED THEME W/ CUSTOM BG, LINKS, ETC - $30 ADD CUST. PAGES - $5 ADD POP UPS FOR $5,  $10 if they’re customized/ have BGs.

EXAMPLES: / x   /   x   /  x  /    x   /   x   /   x    /     x    /     x     /    x   /  

ICONS

BASE ICONS:

20 Icons - $2 50 Icons - $5 100 Icons - $8 200 Icons - $10 EDITED ICONS are double the amount of BASE ICONS.

EXAMPLES: x   I’m open to more styles, just communicate what your looking for && we can create something!

promotions / banners / aesthetics

banners: $8 banner & matching avatar: $10 promotions: $5 aesthetic posts: $5

EXAMPLES: x   i added a pop up bg in the examples as well.