#sorry for the bad formatting btw I wrote this just after waking up

[rabidrabbit10]

Just a theory!

So basically, I think Vanessa fills the roles of C.C. Elizabeth and Michael Afton. I think she was defintiely more like C.C. as a child. Probably cried a lot after seeing what she saw. We know C.C. definitely saw something. "Remember what you saw." Maybe she had nightmares about it all. She behaves like Elizabeth in the first FNAF Movie. Basically just trying to keep William happy by fawning over him and doing everything he asks, even if she doesn't want to. In the novel, she straight up apologizes to him after he stabs her. I think this is supposed to be her last ditch effort at stopping him from hurting her more. Sometimes, you're so afraid of a person you'll apologize to them for no reason just so they'll leave you alone. I think we'll see her become more similar to Michael in the upcoming movie(s). From what we know, there's also a point in time where Michael just does what his father asks him to, likely to prevent him from getting angry with him and potentially harming him as a result. Then Sister Location happens and he's decided there's "only one thing lift for him to do now." I think he when he said was going to find his father, he meant he was going to get rid of him, so to speak. I think that will become Vanessa's goal and I think Mike has a similar one, although I think he, despite being named Mike, is more similar to Charlie bot in The Silver Eyes Trilogy. Basically what I'm trying to say is the first FNAF Movie is Vanessa's Sister Location and Mike's Silver Eyes.

[kate-les-bridge-stewart]

This is a transcript of a semi fanfic semi rambling stream of conciousness I wrote on discord about an idea i had for an au. I did not write this intending for it to become a fanfic so it is formatted and written horribly lol. Hope you enjoy my mad scribbles and babbles.

---

Osgood had been knocked out cold by a sudden explosion, hitting her head hard against a wall.13 saw so she rushed over and checked her pulse. And to her complete bewilderment she hears a shockingly familiar "thump thump thump thump"

She freezes. How?! how was this possible?! There surely had to be another explanation, maybe osgood had a heart transplant or something embedded in her heart that made it sound like that! Surely she couldnt be- no, that's impossible, right?

She rushes osgood to an infirmary and has to leave to deal with whatever threat had attacked in the first place.

Later when that's done tho she goes back to the unit infirmary and finds kate sitting next to osgood on her hospital bed. Theres a "do not disturb" sign outside the door to the room and osgate are the only ones in there.

"Pretty odd for an infirmary room to have a do not disturb sign" 13 thinks but focuses on finding out how osgood is doing.

(Osgood is asleep btw)

13: So, how is she? She got hit pretty hard, knocked out cold

Kate looks a bit startled at the sound of 13s voice and seemingly scrambles to hide what looked like some xray prints

Kate: o-oh! Yes shes doing fine, got a nasty bruise on her head and some other bumps and scrapes but nothing too serious.

13: (slightly suspicious at this point) where's the med staff? You elected yourself as her personal caretaker or something? I dont mean this in a bad way but you seem like you have too much on ya plate to try learning medical care

Kate: oh no the med staff tended to her, I was just helping. I just had to, shes one of my best friends after all.

13: ah gotcha. Sorry, dont mean to pry but shouldnt her heart monitor be on?

Kate freezes for a brief moment and some color drains from her face.

Kate: uh-

Before kate can react 13 has turned on the monitor for her and to her surprise, she sees the dual heartbeats again.

The doctor stops and stares at the screen. Kate sits back as her own heart sinks into her stomach.

Osgood wakes up suddenly at the sound of the computer and stares up at the doctor in horror

13: why do you have 2 heartbeats?

Osgood is too stunned to speak, kate who's normally an impeccable speaker was also at a loss for words

13: kate... were you holding chest xrays when I came in?

Kate cant give an answer.

13: let me see them. Please.

Kate looks to osgood as if silently pleading for help. Osgood closes her eyes with a sigh and gives her a nod.

Kate slowly and hesitantly pulls out the xrays which 13 takes tentatively. Sure enough, the impossible was true.

Osgood had 2 hearts.

There was no mistaking it.

13: Osgood... why do you have 2 hearts?

The doctor couldnt describe her emotions in that moment even with a gun to her head. A sizable part of her was convinced this couldn't be real, this had to be a dream or something.

Osgood: ..... there's a lot you don't know about me....

13 remained silent, listening.

Osgood: I'm not actually a human. I'm... I'm a timelord...

13 didn't know what to say, there were thousands of questions and thoughts racing through her head. There was so much she wanted to say, so much to ask.

Osgood: to ease one of your worries first, no, I'm not a spy for rassilon. I have no affiliation with them whatsoever, I'm a rogue just like you.

Osgood gently grabbed 13's hand and made a telepathic link between them. She opened her mind to the doctor, allowing her to see Osgood was telling the truth.

13 looked off to the side, racking her brain as she struggled to decide which of her thousands of questions she should ask.

13: so everything I thought I knew about you was a lie?

Osgood: pretty much. I'm not affiliated with the master either, just to quell that suspicion right away.

13: who are you then?

Osgood: I'm me. I'm just another rogue time war refugee who simply wants to live. I have no motives, I have no giant history, i just want to live in peace...

13: does anyone else know? Besides kate?

Osgood: no. I've been living as a human for the past 15 years.

13: how did you get to earth? Do you have a tardis too?

Osgood: yes. A newer model too.

13 thought carefully for a moment.

13: why did you join unit?

Osgood: I wanted to help humanity. I love them just like you. Plus, dealing with alien technology is familiar and comforting to me, gives me something to do.

13 stood back.

13: ... I think I've interrogated you enough for now. But I'll be back with more questions. This is... a lot to process...

And with that the doctor walked towards the door, her emotions just as immense yet indecipherable.

[starwarsdestroyedme]

Oblivious: A fragment

I am currently writing a Logicality fic as part of a prompt from @shadycomputerduck​ 

Will be uploaded in the next 2 weeks or so.

If anyone wants to be tagged, comment on this post saying so, please. 

Here’s a little piece of the chapter. 

Summary:  Logan’s having a conversation with Virgil, after he’s realised he’s in love with Patton, and he’s in panic.  (Transcriptions of the screenshots are included in the end)

Oblivious: A fragment

Virgil Class. He glanced at the name on the screen, reminding himself, once again, that he ought to delete the ‘class’, it had stayed there since first year of highschool, when they met. Virgil and him didn’t share a class anymore, it was completely unnecessary to maintain the clarification. Nevertheless, he’d grown fond of the contact name. 

Just as he’d grown fond of Patton. Maybe enamoured even. 

He’d rather not ponder on that for the reminder of the night, not if he wanted to have any hope of falling asleep. 

Emotions were quite a ridiculous thing.

Transcription: 

Logan: I need your expertise on a certain subject. I cannot yet disclose why. Mainly, because I require your reaction to be spontaneous and you have a tendency to overthink things. Please, bring Roman with you (provided that he’s available, of course), he may be able to contribute in ways we both can’t. Thank you.  

Logan: Suggested schedules: Tomorrow 9:30 am tomorrow 10:00 am 

Virgil: Okay

Virgil: You seriously need to stop texting me formal letters any time something’s up 

Virgil: It’s unnerving 

Virgil: Also, wtf  

Virgil: Did someone die or something? 

Virgil: Since when have you ever needed Roman’s point of view? 

Logan: My apologies for the letter formatting, as you call it.   

Logan: To be precise, it isn’t letter formatted. I merely wrote in a way that could convey all of the information as briefly and directly as possible. 

Virgil: Dude 

Virgil: Just, don’t write me long text at 2 30 in the morning  

Virgil: texts*  

Virgil: It makes me worry 

Virgil: Btw  

Virgil: What are YOU doing awake?  

Logan: That is of no consequence, and hypocritical on your part, as you’re also awake.  

Logan: Sorry if I worried you. Even though I told you not to overthink. I understand it isn’t something you can control.  

Logan: Is this text length appropriate?  

Virgil: Yeah, that’s good  

Virgil: But you do realise not telling me what you wanna talk about makes me anxious, right? 

Logan: I’d prefer to tell you in person, but, it is unrelated to you or our relationship. It pertains a personal matter of mine. 

Logan: It isn’t something necessarily bad. It is for me. But I imagine it might make you glad. 

Virgil: Okay 

Virgil: Miss me with those cryptids 

Virgil: But fine, I’ll trust you 

Virgil: Why do you want Roman to come? 

Virgil: Not that I’m complaining, but coming from you seems kinda weird 

Logan: As I told you, I think he may be able to help. His fancifulness might finally be of some use.   

Virgil: I won’t tell him you said that 

Virgil: I think he’s free tomorrow morning  

Virgil: Let me check if he’s asleep 

Virgil: Yup, he is 

Virgil: I said Tangled was garbage and he didn’t scream, just mumbled 

Virgil: I’ll ask him tomorrow when he wakes up  

Virgil: Be seeing you at  10

Virgil: The usual place? 

Logan: Yes. 

Logan: And, please, do try to get some rest. Sleeping is essential for your wellbeing. 

Virgil: Screenshot - Logan - “That is of no consequence, and hypocritical on your part, as you’re also awake.” 

Virgil: You’re the one to talk 

Virgil: But, yeah, I will 

Virgil: Follow your own advice, though 

Logan: I’ll go to sleep momentarily. 

Logan: Oh, and thank you for your support. 

Logan: I hope I didn’t worsen your anxiety with the conversation.  

Virgil: Nah 

Virgil: You didn’t 

Virgil: All peachy  

Virgil: I’m going to sleep now 

Logan: As I am.  

Virgil: See ya tomorrow 

Logan: Indeed.  

Virgil: 🤣🤣🤣

Virgil: Yeah, yeah, indeed 

Virgil: Well, bye  

Logan: Goodbye. 

Taglist:  @theantisocialghost​ , @endless-rain-of-words​ 

[holocron-inthe-restrictedsection]

Okay it's a lot but: 1, 2, 11, 12, 13, and 19 for Lethaa and Naras? (Feel free to substitute/add any questions you'd like to answer!) 🌺💕

Yesssssss I was so excited to get this! Thanks, Mercedes! 💛

So, this got reeaaaally long and rambly. My bad. I just have a lot of thoughts about these two, and I’m excited to share. Click “keep reading” to see my response! 

(also, sorry if it formats weirdly - I copy-pasted from a word doc, and tumblr mobile doesn’t like that for some reason)

*

Ask me questions about creating my OCs!

*

 1.      What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)? 

For Lethaa, it was her name and position. For Naras, it was the descriptor “the Togruta senator’s wife” 

They popped into my head at about the same time. I created them to be throwaway characters in a short story I wrote called “Shall We Dance” (I may someday go back to it and add a few chapters. No promises). There was some dialogue between Anakin and Obi-Wan about different controversial viewpoints in the Senate, and I just needed a senator or two to mention in passing. – 

“But these are some of the most outspoken public figures in the Republic. Take Senator Lethaa Daal.” [Obi-Wan] flashed a smile in the direction of the Togruta senator and her wife as they passed. The women returned the smile and made their way arm-in-arm into the grand hall. “She has been very scornful regarding the Senate’s tendency to dedicate resources to systems that are strategic to military movements, as opposed to who needs it most.” 

It might have ended there, but I received feedback from a few different readers saying how they appreciated the mention of Senator Daal’s wife. There seemed to be an interest, so I sat on the idea of them for a while. 

 2.      Did you design them with any other characters/OCs from their universe in mind? 

Since Lethaa was fully fleshed out first, I made Naras with Lethaa in mind. I knew I wanted her to have her own objectives and life – she couldn’t continue to just be “Lethaa’s wife”. So I tried to give her a profession that was critical in its own way, which is why I went with healing, so that their “importance” (for lack of a better word) was equal to each other.

I guess Lethaa was partially created in response the frustrating politics of the galactic senators. They all make their alliances, play the game to get the upper hand, all while gaining very little ground. I wanted to make a character that found the subtly of politics maddening, and wasn’t afraid to get in someone’s face and tell them exactly why their policies or views were dumb or harmful. I wanted to make someone who could be aggressive without calling into question their moral alignment. 

And while it’s not a character, I really really wanted to design or add to a culture that doesn’t get explored much in the Star Wars universe. I took what elements I could find about Togruta culture from Wookipedia, but it was rather lacking, so I made up the rest. I already loved Togruta designs, and wanted characters that could interact within their own culture.

 3.      How did you choose their name?  (Added this because it was Relevant)

If my memory is right, Lethaa Daal’s name came from combining a few names I found on the Togruta name generator (which I HIGHLY recommend btw). I decided to keep it after I finished her design because the first name reminded me of “lethal”, and by that point I knew that was a good descriptor of her. ‘Daal’ came about because I tend to put way too many A’s in my togruta names, and I was for some reason thinking about Roald Dahl at that time, but I also found that I liked how it could be mispronounced as “doll”. I was highly amused by the idea of a “lethal doll” – woe unto anyone who looked at Lethaa and only acknowledged her for her beauty.

Naras Tyn came about because lots of my female ocs tend to have names that end in A or E (IE/I/Y, etc), and I didn’t want to do it again. I wanted a short last name, and I just liked how “Tyn�� sounded – it was concise and melodic. ‘Naras’ I think also came from the name generator. I remember being bummed when I realized it sounded so similar to Barriss and Maris (already existing characters), but by that time I was attached. Her first name just sounds calming, and it just sounded right imagining Lethaa calling for her.

 11.  Did you know what the OC’s sexuality would be at the time of their creation? 

       Heck yes I did. There really wasn’t any hesitation. The thought process went: Senator –> Togruta Senator –> female Togruta Senator –> has a spouse –> a wife, cuz why not. And that was that.

 12.   What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)? 

       Everything.

Lol, jk. I mean, as much fun as I have with all the colors and markings of the two, my own drawing ability is kinda limited in terms of body positions. So some things I’d love to draw (Lethaa vs. the rancor, Naras on a medical mercy mission during the Clone Wars, etc.) are taking a long time for me to sketch out. It can be frustrating, but it’s a work in progress.

       And writing is hard too. The story ideas in my head play out as nice little movies. Getting it all down on paper while conveying emotion without overloading, describing setting, and making it engaging – that’s all trickier. 

But overall, the most difficult thing is trying to figure out what exactly I’m going to do! I have other OCs I want content for, and canon characters I want to explore – and then I have to decide between drawing and writing. There’s not enough hours in the day for me to draw and write everything I want, so I have to pick and choose.

 13.   How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all? 

       Still a work in progress. I jump from one event to the next without writing it in chronological order. I’ve started their story before the start of the Clone Wars, sometime between episodes I and II. Might write some earlier snippets about their childhoods (though they didn’t meet until they were adults).

I’ve got some ideas for what they do during the Empire era (some of which was influenced by one of the Star Wars D&D games I play), but I haven’t written any of that out yet. I do know they live to see the fall of the Empire, and the emergence of the New Republic. They pass away peacefully of old age on Shili.

 19. What is your favorite fact a fun fact about your OC?

I had to change this from “favorite” to “fun” because I like everything about them and I’m still developing them. So I thought I might drop a little trivia that I haven’t managed to work into any stories or art yet.

Lethaa was on a hunting trip with her father – Barin – and a few others in her twenties. After her cousin killed their prey, Barin asked her to prepare the meat for dinner. She did her best with it but waaaaaaay overcooked it, and when Barin asked about it, she said, “I… never actually learned how to cook meat.”

Bewildered, Barin said, “But we’ve been on dozens of hunting trips! How could I have never taught you??”

And Lethaa’s just like, “I was the one to kill the prey on most of those trips.”

And Barin and the others can’t help but laugh, because according to tradition, the one who kills the prey while hunting in a group is served the first piece, but never is the one to prepare it. So it makes complete sense that she never had to cook it, because she was always served the first dish. Her cousin actually liked his meat overdone, though, so he was perfectly fine with his meal.

Also, I just came up with this so I have no idea of the context, but there is a 100% chance that there was an instance or two where Lethaa – tall Amazonian though she is – couldn’t reach something. Unable to climb to retrieve it and without a stepstool, muttering darkly, she would disconnected her prosthetic arm and used it as an extender to pull it towards her.

 *

Naras can fall asleep anywhere. Even before she became a physician/healer, she had the uncanny ability to close her eyes and be asleep within minutes. Lying down, standing while braced against something, sitting, lounging between skyfaring silks (she’d gotten bored waiting for her Gatalentian friend to come back from the holocall he’d had to take). No nap is too short – she wakes feeling rested even if it’s only been five minutes. She wakes easily, fully alert.

 Naras sings and hums to her plants and patients. It’s not uncommon to walk into her clinic and hear her singing a folk song or a current hit. She definitely encourages sing-alongs anytime nervous children are brought in, and at night broadcasts spiritual songs important to Togruta culture over the PA system – at a very quiet volume, of course. Naras has a garden at home – a singfruit tree surrounded by flowers and bushes, some of which are not native to Shili – and the plants routinely get hummed and sung at as she tends to them. Lethaa loves waking up in the morning to hear her wife’s singing voice drifting in from an open window. 

*

Thank you again so much for the ask!! This was a lot of fun!Also, I really do appreciate your interest in my OCs (especially these two). It means a lot to me 🌺🌷

[arituzz]

nineteen firsts and one last

-SNOWBAZ-

Summary: It’s Simon’s nineteenth birthday. He’s not expecting anything unusual, just some messages from his tumblr friends. But Baz has different plans.

Word count: 3.7k

Rating: T

Tags: tumblr au, friends to lovers, distant relationship, first meeting

Ari: This is just an edit from last year’s fic, because I didn’t like the format. Happy 20th birthday, Simon ♡

SIMON

I wake up to the doorbell ringing. I look at the clock. 5:59 am. Fuck. Who could it be at this unholy hour? Probably my father, coming back home drunk after a night of partying. Damn, why didn’t he stay in the hotel, as usual?

The doorbell rings again. “I’m fucking coming, dad!” I yell.

I put on some clothes and go to the door. I open it, ready to scowl at my father but, instead, there’s a delivery girl looking at me through her pointy glasses.

“Good morning,” she says. “A packet for Simon Snow.”

“Uhm… that’s me,” I tell her, a little bewildered.

She gives me the packet and makes me sign a paper. I tell her thanks and make to go back inside. “Wait,” I shout before she leaves. “Next time, could you come, I don’t know, in the afternoon? When I’m not sleeping?”

“Sorry, the sender wrote specific instructions to deliver this on 21st June at precisely 5:59 am. He even paid an extra and called the company to make sure we followed the instructions. Sounded rather bitter. I wouldn’t risk my job,” she explains. Ha. Like dying her hair blue wouldn’t risk it. Though, I have to say it looks awesome on her dark skin.

“Oh, in that case… Thanks. Have a nice day,” I wish her.

“See you later!”

I close the door and go to the living room, to open the packet. It’s a basket full of fresh-baked cherry scones and some blocks of butter. There’s a card with a note. It reads:

Some like it hot (page 38)

5:59 am - First breakfast to your door

I’d bring it to your bed if I were there

Baz

(Gampire Chaz to my Craigon Rain)

Oh my God. Baz. Right, it’s my birthday. It’s nice of him that he remembered. Baz is my best friend on tumblr. Well, he is my best friend, period. Although I’ve never met him in person, I feel like we’ve known each other for years. And to think that we used to be at each other’s throats!

When I first read the book A Charmed Life, I became hugely obsessed with its characters—i.e. the protagonist, a half-dragon named Craigon Rain—so I created a tumblr blog to obsess about them. At that time, there were very few people in the fandom: gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain (Baz), rainchaz61 (Penny), tape-exists-and-im-glad-for-it (Agatha), trixiethelesbianpixie (Trixie), gampirhys (Rhys), so-noted-rainchaz (Niall), and craigonsnowrain (me). And we were like a little family.

But I hated Baz. And he hated me. We would make stupid competitions to see who had the most notes on their posts. I finally gave up because the fucker draws the most brilliant fanart. So I decided to befriend him and make some projects together.

A smile draws in my face as I eat the delicious over-buttered cherry scones. Just the way I like them.

I grab my cellphone to send a thank you message to Baz.

When I’m done with breakfast, I scroll down my dash on tumblr. No happy birthday message. Well, it’s still early. Not for Baz, though, he lives in England, so it must be the afternoon already.

I decide to watch TV for a while—I have nothing planned for today. The fact is that I don’t really have any friends in real life. I don’t know many people here in Nebraska, and the ones I know are complete idiots. So my plan is to stay in all day and read a freaking lot of Rainchaz fanfiction.

After a while, I turn off the TV and go to tumblr on my laptop. Oh, one notification: gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain mentioned you in a post.

I open the link and it’s a beautiful doodle of me and Baz, fighting a chimera—as in one of the book’s scenes. I’ve posted some pics of me before, so he has references. The post says:

“Do it. Fucking unleash. Now.” (page 5)

First doodle of you (and me)

Baz

I hit reblog and add:

“I can’t. It doesn’t work like that.”

BTW it’s fucking WONDERFUL!! tysm <3

I’m reading a smutty Rainchaz fic when the doorbell rings again. It’s not that I’m gay, I just love the characters so much. And the smut is great, I love it. The authors in this fandom are just brilliant.

I look at the clock. 7:59 am. It’s still too early for dad to come and I’m not expecting anyone. (Ever.)

I open the door and the same delivery girl brings another packet, this time smaller.

She smiles at me and says, “You know the procedure.” I sign the paper and she leaves with a “See you later!”

“Later,” I reply.

I go back into the apartment and open the packet. It’s a book. The book. A Charmed Life. I go to the first page and, holy shit, it’s signed by the author! It’s so difficult to get a signed copy, I’ve been trying for months, but the author is not very sociable. She wrote:

To Simon Snow,

May you fight your own battles and forge your own wings.

Cather Avery

Wow. It’s perfect.

There is also a card with a note that reads:

“It’s the good things that’ll drive you mad with missing them.” (page 11)

First signed copy of your favourite book.

(I miss you even though I’ve never met you)

Baz

Jesus Christ. This is the best birthday present of my life. I take a picture of it to post it on tumblr and add: @gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain I wish you were here so I could hug you into oblivion! Thank you, best b-day present ever <3

I grab my old copy of A Charmed Life—don’t want to ruin this one—and start running through its pages. With all these gifts I feel like re-reading it. Again. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read it.

It’s a Young Adult fantasy novel about a very special chosen one. A chosen who doesn’t want to be chosen. Craigon Rain is the last half-human, half-dragon alive. He’s never met his mother—that’s where he got the dragon part. His father wants him to take part in a battle that’s not his own. A battle against the vampires. At first Craigon—the half-dragon—obeys his father’s orders until he meets Gampire Chaz, a teenage vampire who finds himself in the same situation as Craigon, but on opposite ends. The two boys fall in love, defying everything that’s been established by their families and it’s precisely their love the thing that saves them all.

I identify myself quite a lot with Craigon Rain—my name is Simon Snow, see the irony. I never met my mother either and I also think my father is the responsible of everything bad that happens in my life.

Baz identifies himself with the antagonist, Gampire Chaz—only because he’s got brown skin like him, and their middle names rhyme. The moron.

My phones buzzes and I leave the book on the table. Another tumblr notification: gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain mentioned you in a post.

I open the link. It’s an aesthetic with six pictures of us—separately, duh—and three pictures with vampires and dragons. It’s beautiful. Under the post, Baz has written:

“Strong. Graceful. Fucking ruthless.” (Page 14)

(You are)

8:59 am - First aesthetic of us!

Baz

I hit reblog and add: This is too much Baz. I can’t even!! tysm <3

I can’t believe any of my tumblr friends—we call ourselves raindrops—has wished me a happy birthday yet. Except Baz, sort of. I mean, he hasn’t said it explicitly. Penny lives in India and Agatha in France, I think they should have posted something by now… Now that I think of it I have no clue where Rhys, Niall and Trixie live… Well, Niall is clearly asian but that doesn’t mean that he lives in Asia. I don’t know.

I’m hungry. Thinking too much makes me hungry. Thinking makes me hungry. I go the kitchen to see if there’s anything to eat.

Nothing. Fuck. I’m gonna have to go buy something.

I go to the closest supermarket and buy some popcorn and a peanut butter cup ice cream. Perfect combination for fanfiction reading.

As I climb the steps to my apartment, I bump into the delivery girl from before.

“Hey, watch out,” she scowls and extends me yet another package.

I sign the paper and tell her, “later?”

“Later,” she answers, with a smile.

Once I’m inside, I open the packet—the third one today, and it’s only 9:59 am.

There are some papers inside the packet, a photo of a star, I think?

I read the note that Baz has left:

“Twinkle, twinkle little star!” (page 260)

9:59 am - First star

(These are official documents that prove that this star is named after you and is now yours.)

(Sorry I couldn’t give you the Universe, but this is a star-t.)

(Yes, I knew you wouldn’t understand shit of what the papers say.)

Baz

I’m at a loss of words. What the fuck. It must have cost him a fortune. Well, it must have cost his father a fortune. I guess they can afford it.

I send him a message on tumblr: got the star. what the actual fuck? speechless.

And then I add: why arent u replying to any of my posts? u ok?

Right after reading the first fic, halfway through my ice-cream, the doorbell rings again. 10:59 am. I’m guessing it’s not dad, just yet.

I open the door, and a familiar blond haired girl with the most beautiful brown eyes I’ve ever seen is standing there, looking bored.

“Agatha!” I scream.

“Happy birthday, Simon,” she smiles at me and kisses my cheek. “I’ve come to bring you your next gift.” She shows me what seems like a tattooer box.

I know what Agatha looks like and that she’s a professional tattooer. She’s posted several pics on raindrops faces day. And the rest, too. All except Penny. (She says she can’t be bothered to take a selfie.)

“Agatha!” I shout again. I still can’t believe it. “Come in,” I add.

We sit on the sofa and she gives me the next note. It reads:

“Flames and Blazes—The Art of Burning.” (page 203)

10:59 am - First tattoo

(This is a combined gift from Wellbelove and me)

(I made the design and she’s going to tattoo you)

(You actually asked for it, so it’s no surprise)

Agatha shows me the design. It’s a constellation. And there’s fire surrounding it.

“Simon,” she says. “This is going to hurt.”

“It’s wonderful, Agatha,” I say when it’s finished, looking at my back through the mirror. “You could’ve been gentler, though.”

“I was gentle, Simon, believe me,” she replies.

The doorbell rings again. I think that it has rung more in one day than in nineteen years.

“Lunch,” Agatha says, and goes for the door. She opens it. “Hi, Penny,” she says to the delivery girl.

What?

“Penny?” I ask, stupidly.

“Sorry, Simon, it was too fun seeing you all clueless,” she apologizes.

“I am still clueless,” I retort.

She takes me into her arms and gives me a tight hug. “Happy birthday Simon! Let’s have lunch. Where’s the dining room?”

“Uhm, here, in the living room. I eat in the living room.”

“Oh, your note,” Penelope says as she gives me the card.

“Because roast beef and Yorkshire pudding are fucking real as Rain.” (page 84)

11:59 - First roast beef and Yorkshire pudding from Watford

(Because you haven’t eaten real roast beef if it’s not from England)

(And Watford Restaurant serves the best one)

(Enjoy your meal)

Baz

We sit on the sofa and start eating our lunch. I’m so happy. It’s like we do this everyday. But I miss Baz. I miss him so much. Where the fuck is he?

We finish eating and Penny looks at her watch. “It’s 12:59,” she says. “Dessert is here,” she smiles wickedly.

“Open the door, Simon,” Agatha says.

I go for the door and open it.

Baz.

Baz is here. With a cake in his hands.

Baz is here. And I can’t hug him.

“Baz!” I say, grinning widely.

“Hey, Snow, happy birthday,” he says, and hands the cake to me. There’s a card on it, too.

“But he just stood there for as long as he could stand it. I don’t know how he resisted the pull; I felt like my intestines were going to burst out and wrap around him.” (page 167)

12:59 - First meeting

(I’m here.)

Baz

Baz looks like he’s trying to hide the huge smile that’s drawing in his face. But I can see it.

“Fuck, Snow,” he says, finally giving into the smile. “I wanted this to happen at 1:59 pm, but here you go.”

“What?” I ask

He takes out another card from the back pocket of his jeans and reads it.

“Trying not to crack a smile. Page 517.”

Then, he looks at his watch and adds, “ 1:01 pm, first smile. First real life smile from me to you.”

“The presents are getting better,” I say, trying not to smile from ear to ear.

We eat the cake on the sofa. Baz tried to oppose to it, but I don’t really have a table with nice chairs to sit down and chat while drinking tea. I’ve never had anyone come over.

We talk about our lives. Well, they talk about their lives and I listen. And look at Baz. His eyes are prettier than I had imagined. And oh my God, his skin. It reminds me of toffee. It has such an appetizing color it makes me want to taste it.

After a while, Baz leads us downstairs and into a cab that’s parked in front of my building.

The taxi drives for around twenty minutes before it comes to a stop. “We’ve arrived,” the driver anounces.

Baz tips him and gestures us to follow him. We enter a place called The Wavering Wood Cafe.

“Happy birthday!” Rhys, Niall, Trixie and other fellow raindrops I identify from tumblr say at the same time as I go through the door.

“Jesus,” I say. I’m stupefied. A surprise party. For me.

Baz hands me another card and our fingertips brush. He cracks an undecipherable smile and looks away.

I read the note.

“It feels like a party.” (page 40)

2:59 pm - First birthday party

(First of many to come)

Baz

I’m having a great time. It’s so fun talking to all my tumblr friends in real life. I finally got to meet Keris, Trixie’s girlfriend. She always posts pics of them together. (Penny finds it gross.) (But that’s personal. She doesn’t like Trixie.)

I keep giving glances towards Baz’s direction. I don’t know why I can’t stop staring at him.

Suddenly, my phone buzzes. It’s a tumblr post from Baz.

I open the link. It’s a fic. It’s called Snowbaz. Not Rainchaz. I read the summary:

“Because I’m disturbed.” (page 205)

“Ask anyone,”I think out loud, smiling. And then continue reading the summary:

3:59 pm - First fanfiction about us

Baz

I start reading the fic. It’s all fluff and love until the last part. Smut. I read it all. And love every word. Fuck.

I look at Baz. He’s already staring at me. I step towards him.

“Hey, Snow,” he says. “Ever tried a flaming shot?”

“I’m underaged, you know.”

“Not in my country,” he smirks.

“Okay, fine, give me a shot.”

“A flaming shot, Snow,” Baz says. “Here.”

He hands me a small glass of liquor and sets it on fire with a lighter. He does the same with his glass.

“To us,” he says.

“To us,” I reply.

He blows out the fire and drinks all the liquor. I mimic him. Ugh. I grimace.

“Sharing a room with the person you want most is like sharing a room with an open fire,” Baz starts saying, looking directly into my eyes. “He’s constantly drawing you in. And you’re constantly stepping too close. And you know it’s not good—that there is no good—that there’s absolutely nothing that can ever come of it. But you do it anyway. And then…”

“Then you burn,” I finish. God, his eyes are fire.

“Page 177. 4:59 pm, first flaming drink.”

“First drink,” I correct.

He laughs and orders a couple more.

We have a couple more shots and talk about our favorite AUs. We talk more than we drink.

Suddenly Baz looks at his watch, and then back at me. With the same blazing eyes from before. He stays silent, just looking at me, for a moment. He looks hesitant.

I think he’s going to kiss me.

But he doesn’t. He keeps staring. Some minutes pass. I stare at my watch. 6:10 pm. Where’s my 5:59 pm gift?

“Simon…” Baz starts, flaming shot in his hand.

And then I kiss him.

We kiss for a long time. Then I let go and make him reach for me. And we kiss again.

After a while, we break the kiss and smile at each other. I’m grinning. I can’t help it.

“I was going to say You were the sun, and I was crashing into you,” Baz says. “But I guess the best quote for this is And then HE kisses ME.” He can’t hide his grin, either.

“Page 342,” I say. “6:10 pm, first kiss.”

“Shite, what time is it?” He asks, already looking at his watch.

“6:50 pm,” I answer, moronically.

“Let’s go have dinner, Simon. You and me, only.”

“Okay,” I say. And I follow him to the next room.

There’s a small table for two with two candles. It’s always fire with Baz.

We sit down and he takes out another card.

“You smell like something I’d gladly eat, page 421,” he says, staring at my eyes. “6:59 pm, first romantic dinner.”

I blush.

After dinner, we all go to a pub. It’s called The World of Mages.

It’s great and I’m so happy to be surrounded by friends and the person I like. Baz. That’s new. Liking boys. No, not boys. Only Baz. Wanting to kiss him over and over again.

He takes my hand and says, “Want to dance?”

I nod and smile at him. I’m crap at dancing but I don’t care.

Baz puts his hands on my waist and leads me through the song. Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

“I should have known that this is what it would be like to dance with Craigon Rain. Fighting in place. Mutual surrender,” Baz whispers into my ear. “Page 508. 7:59 pm, first dance.”

I place both my arms around his neck and slump into him.

We’re still at the pub. Dancing. Well, at least I’m trying.

“What are we going to do?” I ask him. “You’re going to leave back to England.”

“I know,” he answers with a crack in his voice. “We’ll figure it out, little puff.”

“Baz,” I say. “What’s the next gift? I think I have a better idea.”

“Huh? I was going to take you for a drive…”

“I want to be your boyfriend. Your terrible boyfriend,” I say. “Page 390.”

Baz looks surprised. He places both his hands on my face and kisses me, tenderly. “Of course,” he says. And kisses me again.

“8:59 pm,” I say. “First boyfriend.”

And I kiss him again.

After the pub, we say goodbye to our fellow raindrops. There’s a lot of hugging and kisses on the cheek. God, I’m gonna miss them.

“We have to do this more often,” I say. Even though I’m broke. But I’ll find the money somehow.

They all agree.

Once they’re gone, it’s just me and Baz.

“Let’s go back to my apartment,” I tell him.

“What if your father is there?”

“At this time? Not likely. He must be out, drinking again.”

“Okay,” he says.

We go to my apartment and settle in my room. It’s full of constellations on the walls. Because I love astrology. Hence the tattoo.

“Baz, you haven’t seen it,” I say.

“Seen what?”

“The tattoo, idiot!”

I take my shirt off and show it to him. He places his fingertips on my back and starts tracing it. The touch sends shivers down my spine.

“So beautiful…” Baz says.

I turn around and look at him. I reach for his shirt and take it off. Eyes locked on his. I close the distance and kiss him. And then my hands go down. I can’t stop myself. I kiss every spot of his dark olive skin. And I want more. And I can see that he wants, too.

So I take more. I take it all. And I give it all. To him. To Baz.

“Because we match,” I say after a while. My head is resting on Baz’s chest. Our fingers laced. “Page 420.” I look at my watch. “10:58 pm, first time.”

“When did you start giving yourself birthday presents?” Baz asks.

“I think it was when I did this,” I answer. And I kiss him.

“God, I love you, Simon Snow.”

“I love you, Baz.”

“Fell in love, didn’t you?” He smiles.

“10:59 pm, first I love you,” I say.

I go with Baz to the airport. I’m sad that he has to go. But I’m happy that he came. And he’s going to move to the States with his aunt, Fiona, next year. So I just have to wait for a year. And I’m going to visit him soon. Maybe for his birthday.

He looks at me with watery eyes. He holds my hand so hard it hurts a little.

“I’ll come to England, in a couple of months,” I reassure him. “And then you’ll come back. We’ll be seeing each other a lot. You won’t get rid of me that easily.”

“When I come to live in America with Fiona, I’m going to haunt your door day and night.”

There’s a shout for all the passengers of the flight to Southampton Airport.

Baz kisses me, before letting go.

“Goodbye, Simon,” he says. “This is a first and a last goodbye. Because the next time I see you, I won’t let you go for anything in the world.”

“Go on, then,” I say. “Carry on, Baz.”

-FIN-

[wishingfornever]

10/11/17 – No Contact:  Meta Entry

I had a series of dreams.  The last dream, you were here and we just laid together.  I kissed the back of your neck and you were happy. Then I woke up and find I had been cuddling with Max the WHOLE TIME!!!  GASP!!!

Kidding, but that was the last dream. You had a black tank top, black underwear, and that red beanie.  I remember… a lot from that dream. I’m waiting to propose to you to carry on and continue your life.  As I said, your mom told me to look after you and I still intend to.  Of course, you don’t deserve it.  Your behavior was just… incredibly bad.  And then you justified the stupidest things.  You don’t deserve forgiveness.  You don’t deserve a second chance.

You’re lucky I’m not you.

Maybe I’m being harsh.  Maybe I’m telling myself this so I can wait the full two months to message you again.  Or maybe I’m totally justified.  You really fucked up.  You’ll see that eventually but I can’t make you see it.  Thus, this is a lesson you’ll have to learn yourself.

I hope you don’t view my offer as a safety net.  Like, seriously, if I’m trying to be nice then don’t overthink it.  I suspect you’ll avoid my offer, though.  Maybe that’s why.  Not enough pressure. What a bunch of bullshit.

My one concern is that I stop caring about you before I offer you a place.  Sort of like how you stopped caring.  See?  Like that.  You REALLY don’t deserve a second chance.  If I were a wiser man, I’d have left you for dead.  You’d be stuck with Dennis or move back. Worse yet, you’d move from man to man trying to find a place for yourself, constantly getting high and NEVER getting your GED.  Your life will stagnate.  I guarantee it will with Dennis or any other prick on the internet who says he “Totally cares, for sure.” Your two best options will be with me or with your mom.  Because unlike those other internet tools, I won’t let you get high.  I’m sick of it.  Pot is fucking stupid and you’re stupid for liking pot.

You’re getting your fucking GED.  If you’re here, I will MAKE you get it.  That is not an option. That said… you don’t need to choose me.  You can choose your parents.  I’m sure they’d be THRILLED to have you back.  Well, your mom at least. Thing is, it’s your mom.  She has two sides.  Not saying she’s a bad person, but she’s a hard person.  I know because she’s somewhat like my dad, just my dad is less hippie-ish.

Whatever… Anyways, Max isn’t eating his food.  That’s a problem.  He’s… been grumpy.  I told you I applied for a job at Starbucks.  Here’s the thing.  I wanted to go to Starbucks and apply in person.  But… I can’t.  Because Max has been very temperamental.  Like, so much. So, I’m sticking by with him.  We could use someone who will stay here with him.  Like you.  That’d be super helpful.

Anyways, I just checked with my application in Starbucks.  Turns out to… have not saved.  So, I re did it.  Not that hard.  But as of today? I officially applied for a job.  After this week, I’ll start applying at other places.  Hopefully in person.

Holy crap.  I know how to propose.  Custom banner.  In NationStates. It’ll say, “Esther’s Nation, will you marry me?” and have one of the letters replaced with a hammer and sickle.  Or put the hammer and sickle in a heart.  Gasp.  :o

Cringe now.  I know.  We won’t get together because of reasons.  Probably because you don’t want to see me again.  That’s why I wrote it here.  Because you’re not going to read it.  It’s funny though. Clever.  I mean, not romantic.  But the region will think it’s cute.  :D

Whatever.  If we do get together again, I’ll have to try to delete this.  Or maybe I won’t, idk.  Kind of ruins the authenticity of the journal to go back and delete things… so… whatever.

I need Max.  This cute Asian gal ran up and said, “Awwwww!  What’s his name!”  I was awkward at the time because I didn’t expect it. I said “Max.  Be careful, he’s grumpy.”  But she was super cheerful.  Was getting out of her car at the time.

I might be a bit socially awkward.  I have to be in control of the situation to prevent it and I have to be super confident in myself.  I put on some pounds and I did almost nothing to my hair.  I mean… I brushed it.  Kinda looks cute.  But could be better.  Breath smells of onions.  Intending to shower when I got back.  Just… not a good situation for me.  She didn’t get close enough for that.  Was cute though.

Shane isn’t doing well.  He said he coughed up blood.  Concerning.  Told him to see a doctor.  I hope he’s fine.

Meanwhile, Walter (who ADORES NationStates) wants to do a NationState scenario with me.  Like a space race.  I think it’d be super cool.  We’re doing some planning.  Won’t need that much time.  I won’t have to much time to begin with.  I’ll be working at Starbucks soon.  And, of course, my book.  Which I haven’t touched for a while.  I’ll make time for it this week.  I’m waking up earlier, if you can believe it.

I’ve been sleeping in, unfortunately.  But I’m getting over it.  I didn’t do my sets yesterday.  I didn’t run, either.  Didn’t today.  Been focusing on Max.  He just wants to walk, so we’re just walking.  Super inactive.  Eh.  :/

I want to message you.  I always do when I write in the journal.  I think because I want responses for somethings.  Or at least input. Idk.  It’ll fade.  Eventually, I’ll stop writing in this journal. That’ll either be a good thing or a bad thing.  Either it’s a bad thing because that means I stopped caring and have totally given up on you or that we’re back together and there is no need for the journal.  I guess having a journal at all is pretty desperate.  I mean… why?  This journal is more about us than it is about me.  If I keep it… idk.  The posts won’t be as long.  I don’t know what I’d put in there… or why.

Why did I begin this one? It’s helped me deal with the end of our relationship.  It also documents what’s been happening for us.  But… eh.  It’s the truth.  Maybe that’s a bad thing.  The truth often isn’t welcome. Maybe I’ll upload it to a blog next year.  For giggles.  I’ll send you a link to it then.  On 9/3/18.  Wouldn’t that be fun, eh? Idk.  Just an idea.  This would make it in there too. It’ll be weird to see me bitching about the format.  And converting it would be a pain in my ass.  Oh, I’ll make it a Tumblr thing. Set it to public.  Not to slut shame you or to shit on Dennis or anything.  I just think it’d be good to document.  Might be a fun read, idk.  ;) Anyways, Adela just came back.  I spoke with her.  Couldn’t get the scale to work.  Earlier today I was in such a good mood, I could have sworn I lost weight.  I little bit later, I felt super self-conscious and I felt like I gained weight. I need a scale to measure everything.  That way, I won’t get complacent and I won’t have to guess.  I could lose 40 pounds and I wouldn’t notice.  Though, I think I’d notice gaining 40 pounds at this point.  I’ll be honest.  Thing is, I didn’t realize I lost weight when I lost 10 pounds.  So… weird.  I guess it’s easier to see my failures than successes.  Hrm…

Whatever.

I’m thinking about when I publicize this all.  You probably won’t like it.  You’ll probably ask me to take down or not do it at all.  Or if you read this, you might ask me to do it.  I guess it depends on how I end this journal.  We’ll see.  It’d only be surprising to people who we don’t know if this is posted.  You’ll know how it ends and anyone who knows us will know how it’ll end.  And people will be surprised to know I came up with these bullshit titles before I even thought about posting any of this.

No names will be changed.  So, if you don’t like it, maybe you can sue.  So even if you hate me, you can still have a happy ending.  ;) This would be A LOT of honesty.  To just put out there.  It’ll be nice to have total strangers think I’m crazy too.  Ah, well.  Shane might have died.  He stopped responding to me.  So has Walter, actually.

Btw, I told Randy everything.  I think I mentioned that.  Might not have. Regardless, he responded.  Was very nice to me.  Kind of sympathetic. It was nice.  I had to reiterate that I had nothing against you or Dennis.  Though, I guess you’d disagree after reading all of this.

If not against Dennis, then against you.  Saying you don’t deserve a second chance.  I stand by my words; you really don’t.  And Dennis is still a piece of shit.  Thing is, I don’t have to like someone to not have a grudge.  I don’t have a grudge against Dennis.  No vendetta needing fulfilling.  And, obviously, no vendetta against you.  Rather, you piss me off and Dennis is dead to me.  He’s a slimebag piece of shit that literally EVERYONE can see but you.  You think he’s awesome, but that’s because he’s a terrible person.  You have only his word to take on it. He doesn’t talk to Shane or Jeremiah anymore for a reason.  He brought this on himself.  Everyone who used to associate with him stopped talking to him.  Walter joked about how he didn’t recognize Dennis’s name.

Gotta give him credit, though.  At least he’s dedicated to fucking up and cutting contact with everyone he’s ever called friend.  If I had known that’s all that it takes to win your heart, I’m sure I wouldn’t be writing this journal.  Sorry, but Jer and I have a relationship that you wouldn’t understand.  In High School, it was compared to Turk and JD from Scrubs by our friends.  The ultimate bromance.  Apparently the actors who play them are best friends in real life.  That’s interesting.  I wonder which one of us was Turk and which one was JD.  I haven’t seen much of the show to make a comparison.

Speaking of Jer, he REALLY wants me to download League of Legends.  I… probably won’t.  Because of reasons.  Mostly that I won’t have time for video games between a job, my book, and learning Spanish.  I haven’t begun yet but… soon.  Measuring life by the week. ;)

Anyways, I’m tired.  Also hungry.  Going to get food and watch dumb videos.  I mean, I could work on my book, but nah. I’m a terrible person with a shitty work ethic.  Don’t tell Starbucks, though.  ;)

Before I go and begin the next entry… it would appear I’m rather macabre.  I was watching JonTron’s old review for a dorky game, I was thinking his bird was going to die soon.  I don’t know why I would think that.  Birds have a lengthy life, for one… and for two, WHO THE FUCK THINKS ABOUT WHEN SOMEONE LOSES THEIR ANIMALS?!?  Ugh… I know it’ll suck to lose a pet.  Thing is, I ask this to myself a lot with people’s pets.

Jack died when I came back from Texas the first time.  I had to bury him.  It sucked.  Then there were other pets I had to bury, but he was the most recent.  It was… depressing.  He went into an old dog house outside and just slept in there the night he died.  He was old. Oof…  I’m done talking about Jack.  Later.  x.x