#sorry for posting about straight tma in 2022 it probably wont happen again

[hyperfixationspam]

straight joHns hypothetical love interests ranked from not suicide worthy to hellworld

Georgie: im sure their romance was cute while it lasted but it does Not need to be revisited. best case scenario but still cringe

Genderbent Martin: this one is just funny

Sasha: i mean they had a nice friendship. plus i mean... at least it would be over soon. not that he wouldnt find a rebound ofc but we can dream

Agnes: if agnes gets more screen time that would be a sacrifice id be willing to make. not that the characterization would be good but i Would Like To See Her

Rosie: again. more rosie screentime is a net win

Helen: the inherent romanticism of. talking to someone about how you got stuck in a weird room idk. it made sense to martin

Basira: tim wouldnt see anything wrong with this. but ew regardless. basira would agree

Melanie: not canonically not into men but like.... shes a lesbian. obviously. also she stabbed him several times but thats secondary. i love their friendship i think theyre besties but..... GROSS

Jane: ?????????????

Annabelle: this is awful for a lot of reasons but most importantly GRRRRRR THATS MY WIFE!!!!!!

Jude: diversity win this twink is dating a butch lesbian who assaulted him

Julia: diversity win this twink is dating a different butch lesbian who tried to kill him

Nikola: ....

Daisy: i was gonna say bonus awful points if hes a man of color but if they make jon straight hes definitely gonna be white too. actually now that i think about it him being white might make it worse like "i forgive you <3" hate it no good way to look at it

Gertrude: thats his meemaw

Genderbent Elias: i would kill myself and take every single one of you out with me