#sorry for getting on my soapbox for this lmfao

[thetantiger]

Pride Doodles 2024!

Most of these are based off of real things I saw when me and my husband went to a pride faire this year, with my own goofy OCs as inserts. I'm going to talk about that a little bit and what it meant for me under the cut, but if you're just here for the art, all you need to know is: shoutout to that samoyed with the rainbow-dyed tail I saw.

So in order to really put into perspective as to why this pride event in particular was so meaningful to me (though, if you, reading this, are queer yourself, I'm sure the feeling isn't unfamiliar to you), let me give you a little bit of backstory. I live in rural Indiana, which is a statement in of itself. Last year I was unable to attend any pride events because me and my husband were getting married in June and, as you can imagine, being a bride the month leading up to such an event is an extremely busy time, lmao. If we could have fit it into the schedule I'm certain we would have, but it was just not possible at the time. Usually, I attend some sort of pride event every year.

Additionally, my husband's family is.. not the most supportive. I am bisexual and genderfluid, as well as demisexual (though this is not public knowledge in my real life, I'm not exactly closeted about it, I just don't bring it up a lot) and questioning polyamorous (which me and my husband are closeted about). Many members of his family regularly and casually use homophobic slurs (as well as racial ones) but his grandmother in particular is the main issue. When I first started dating my now-husband I was very forthcoming with the fact that I am genderfluid and this resulted in her somehow managing to find a way to steer the conversation into political debates surrounding trans people (trans people in sports, HRT, etc) every single time me and her interacted without fail. She has since at least slowed down about this, but highlights of conversations I've had with her since include: A, her questioning whether or not I'm actually bisexual because I've never been physically intimate with a woman (apparently being in a six month long committed relationship with somebody who thought they were a woman at the time [they're out as a trans man now] is not "bisexual enough"), B, her consistently pressuring me to dress more "feminine" because "your husband will like it better," and most recently C, where she made an entire event at dinner in a public restaurant while we were discussing planning to go to this pride faire, arguing that there should be a "straight pride parade" (and my father-in-law, bless his heart, proposed that it was as stupid as saying there should be a white history month, to which my grandmother-in-law vehemently claimed that there should be because "straight white people have been oppressed too"). I physically had to get up and leave the restaurant.

Anyway this is all to say that I was feeling particularly insecure about myself leading up to this event. It was repeatedly hammered into me that who I am was not worthy of acceptance or validation or love and even though I pride myself on being an extremely honest person about who I am and what I believe in, I felt myself repressing those things about myself. My husband has supported me through all of this (and sincerely, to that post about "please don't bring your straight cis male partners to pride," suck my fucking dick) and I cannot thank him enough for his unconditional reassurance that he loves who I am. As a matter of fact his parents were supposed to accompany us to the event but they flaked out on us, and he expressed great disappointment because he knew I was struggling with myself and that his grandmother was being bigoted and hateful and he wanted his parents to express their support by tagging along.

And then we got there.

I saw people flying their flags as capes upon their backs. I saw supportive ally parents walking alongside their kids. I saw service dogs with pride-themed vests. I saw lesbians with hand-knitted crop tops in orange and white and pink and I saw polyamorous couples enjoying each other's presence and I saw a trans woman in bright red mesh clothing and red leather heeled boots. I saw vendors selling vibrators and leather bondage harnesses with gay furry art decaled on the side of the tent and original graphic tees with giant cocks on them and yet no scarcity of asexual flags anywhere. I was offered free healthcare (though unfortunately we had crossed state lines to attend this event so I couldn't take advantage of it) and STI/STD tests and I stopped somebody to compliment their extremely well-made (and cool-looking) fursuit head and somebody else stopped me to compliment my shirt. I saw a guy just strutting down the street with his abs out, I saw amputees, I saw black women with fishnet stockings and pride-themed makeup and at least three pairs of men I'm nearly certain were partners and I felt at home. I was stopped by an older woman, who offered me a "glitter blessing." I asked what that was and she half-explained it to me and I offered her my hand. She put glitter on my hand, and told me I was loved, that I was accepted, that there will always be a place for me, and to never lose my sparkle and I cried right there in the street.

To see so many people come together, to love each other (platonically or otherwise!) unconditionally and to support one another, to craft a safe space for each other and to see people like me, unapologetic and unfiltered.. it meant the world to me. It meant everything to me.

My online friends are extremely supportive of me and my 60+ characters that are almost all unanimously queer. I've expressed insecurity about making so many of them queer, convinced it was redundant or tiring or "shoving it down their throat" and was only met with "okay and? make that bitch gay anyway." I can't thank them enough either, but sometimes you'll always run into that person that will never accept who you are no matter how "palatable" you attempt to make yourself. No matter how many shavings of yourself you lose trying desperately to smooth out the edges to please other people. No matter how much you try to conform.

So.. I've been reminded of something: to be myself. No matter how much I have to kick and claw and bite and gnash, nothing is more important than being myself. Nothing is more important than never losing myself for the illusion of acceptance from people who will never be convinced anyway.

Nothing is more important than never losing my sparkle, one could say. But perhaps that's a little cheesy.

And to anybody that can't publicly celebrate, to people that have to stay closeted for any reason, whether you're in a country that'll kill you for it or a household that'll leave you homeless for it or maybe you're just simply not ready yet, as I've said before; know that you being alive as a queer person is a radical protest in of itself to those who would have it otherwise.

I love you so much. Happy pride <3

[astradyke]

Let's talk about how phil has more of the "he would never cheat so im not really jealous" vibes, while dan is literally the "you know other men?" meme. They're so funny. Obviously I know Dan is joking in some of the clips but you SEE his initial reaction before the joke even forms in his mind. Like that moment in the video yeet it or keep it when phil says his sweater smells like another man. You can hear the '"excuse me" dan is actually shocked and slightly annoyed, obviously not really threatened and he then continues the joke that he's jealous but you can tell his initial reaction was genuine. The EYEROLL on the coincidence with sam the surfer bffr

not sam the surfer 💀 Dan and Phil lore is so crazy all the time

no but i kind of have a take on this bear with me kindly, but like. i actually really do not think Dan is as jealous as people take him for a lot of the time, not because Dan isn't jealous at all but because i think Dan is only jealous about some things.

this kind of flows into a very different discussion which is my own ambivalent feelings as to whether i think Dan and Phil are monogamous or not, but i actually feel like in a lot of sexual situations where Dan makes a reaction about something, it gets misread as jealousy when it's usually just him being shocked or making fun of Phil or something et cetera. my favorite example is the arching back builder tiktok because i MAINTAIN with my WHOLE HEART that they were having a SOCRATIC DISCUSSION ABOUT IT!!! THEY WERE THE PHILOSOPHERS MEME!!! these were two tops seeing a man with a damn good arched back and going wow... so true. but also obviously Dan was making fun of Phil because crazy ass thing to come up on tiktok lmfao

but like, a lot of things in that vein don't read to me as jealous. what i do think maybe elicits some like, jealous responses out of Dan, are things that are more like... not romantic but leaning that way? like the Sam the surfer thing because come on man hasn't everyone heard that only Dan and Phil have divine connections? that ancient Adam clip also comes to mind lmfao, and the radio thing about the woman wanting to move in? and like you said even though i think the clothing bit was A Bit i can see it slotting into this category i'm loosely laying out. like these things i DO see Dan being a bit jealous about; obviously not excessively especially as time has passed, it was probably worse when he was younger and is far less existent now, but he has self admitted to being a jealous person and i definitely think you can see that with more like romantic things. y'know?

anyway i don't mean to like contend with jokes because one thing about me is i am no.1 jokester at heart but sometimes i personally see posts and i'm like... i really just do not think Dan was being jealous with this one to be honest. i fear we (royal we) might not know what jealousy looks like. so sometimes i'm a little thrown off by interpretations that he is Very Jealous when i'm like... i DO think they communicate though. and that Phil obviously has other friends and has been found to be attractive by other people, Dan maybe just historically really doesn't love the idea of anyone else being in love with Phil or vise-versa. and i mean, handshake on that i so get it.

ANYWAY sorry to soapbox i can probably better explain my thoughts later but i fear your ask just activated this tangent in me because i'd been cooking on how to talk about it for a while. Phil definitely seems to be better at handling jealousy while Dan has a long standing issue with it but i think it's a lot less about Phil being with other men or having sex with them maybe and is a lot more about Dan being cynical towards Phil having like Destined Meetings with someone, or Phil having a person who replaces Dan's role in his life. like twink with the ass on tiktok isn't going to be a Dan but maybe Sam the Surfer will if it's like a bad day you know

[hermithomebase]

dude exactly omfg. i think that's a big part of why misinfo spreads so easily, and why people so openly have blatantly contradictory opinions. these opinions aren't actually theirs, they're just regurgitating shit they saw on tiktok or in an instagram infographic or on a carrd. literally no effort put into researching the topics they care about, just searching hashtags and seeing what other people have to say based on whatever information they claim to have. like i don't think everyone needs to read theory or anything since it's not always accessible, but lorddd people need to get comfortable shutting the fuck up and thinking every once in a while. ok sorry i'm stepping off my soapbox now LMFAO we will win the war against Thinking on the side of Having Thoughts i promise

EXACTLY like i personally dont read theory bc that shit bores tf out of me and i think life experience can Teach you theory to a certain extent but holy fuck if you're gonna run around acting like the damn church you need to read the damn bible yourself brah you cannot just make shit up and listen to the guy on the street

[fleur-a-whump]

sorry to get on my soapbox but you can tell I'm invested when I start talking at the characters lmfao

also also now that I'm thinking about it more Landon is more than just an idiot he is a bit of an asshole for not controlling himself in that moment when he knew what he was getting into I'm just saying not all the blame should be placed on him bc he had been purposely avoiding Elliot probably at least partly because he knew he'd go and be an asshole and then Karine set that up lol

Worthless - Part 9

Masterlist | Previous

Meet the team

Content: adult language, self-victim-blaming, punishment mention (not shown), panic attack, self-deprecation, self-hatred, dehumanization, pet whump, emotional whump, degradation

-

Broderick led Elliot out of the washroom and down the hallway. Elliot was clean and dressed in warm, dry clothes. His stomach was in knots and his head was full of fog.

This is it, mutt. Your first punishment since you were rescued. You'd better sit down and take it like a good bitch. Don't forget your place

Elliot whimpered. He was so nervous, but he didn't know why. He'd endured countless punishments, but he didn't know what to expect from Broderick.

Broderick was arguably the gentlest member of the team. He was a medic, after all. So, why was Elliot so frightened?

Broderick gave him a reassuring pat on the back as he led the younger man to his own room. Elliot was confused, but he entered without question.

Broderick smiled at him and said, "Just wait in here for a bit while I talk to the rest of the team, okay?"

A chill ran down Elliot's spine.

Oh, god

The whole team was going to punish him? He must've been worse than he thought.

He seemed to have been displaying his fear on his face, because Broderick hurriedly said, "Don't worry, sweet. You haven't done anything wrong. I just need to talk to Karine for a minute, that's all. Everything is okay. You're not in trouble." With that, Broderick slowly left the room and gently closed the door behind him.

Elliot wedged his bottom lip between his teeth and bit down hard enough to break skin. He sat down submissively on the edge of his bed, facing the door, and waited for Broderick to return.

. . .

Karine was sitting on the couch with Yvonne when Broderick rushed into the room. Karine's heart instantly dropped when she noticed the look of despair on the man's face.

Karine jumped up from her seat on the couch and approached the medic. "What happened? Is Elliot okay?"

Broderick hesitated. "I-I don't know. He was doing so well, and then...ugh, I messed up. I got distracted by his scars, which he took to mean I was disgusted by him. I tried to tell him that he wasn't ugly or disgusting, but he didn't believe me, and then he asked me to punish him, and I didn't know what to say, so-"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down," Karine urged.

Broderick's eyes were full of tears. "He-He's just so broken, Karine. I-I don't know what to-to do. I didn't realize..."

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Karine soothed. She wrapped the man in a comforting embrace. Broderick buried his face into Karine's shoulder and sobbed. Karine glanced over in Yvonne's direction, silently asking for help.

Yvonne shrugged. She didn't know what to do either.

Karine continuously rubbed soothing circles into Broderick's back until his sobs lessened. "Are you all right?" She asked, once he was calm enough to breathe.

Broderick nodded. "I-I just don't know what to do. I hate seeing him like this. This isn't who he is."

"Maybe that's the problem," Yvonne finally spoke up.

Broderick released his grip on Karine and looked over at the researcher. "What do you mean?"

Yvonne pushed herself off the couch and approached the crying man. "I mean, you keep saying that this isn't who he is, you hate seeing him like this, you miss him, right?" Broderick nodded. Yvonne continued, "Well, maybe that's what's making him feel like he did something wrong. You're basically telling him that you wish he was somebody else."

Broderick frantically shook his head. "No, I'm not! I'm just saying that it hurts to see him so sad and submissive."

"Exactly. You're admitting that you wish he would go back to the person he was before he was kidnapped, but I don't think that person is coming back, Broderick." Broderick was silent. Yvonne sighed. "None of us could even begin to understand what Elliot went through, but we have to acknowledge that it changed him. I'm sure he'll get better with time, but he's never going to be the same again, and it's not fair to expect him to."

Broderick gawked at Yvonne, clearly unsure of what to say to that. "So," he finally said. "You're saying, the reason he wants to be punished is that he thinks I don't like him anymore?"

Yvonne shrugged. "Something like that."

Broderick sighed and ran a hand down the side of his face. "I didn't mean to hurt him more. I thought I was helping."

"Where is Elliot?" Karine asked.

"In his room, waiting for his punishment."

Karine's eyes went round. "You told him you were going to punish him?" She exclaimed.

"I didn't mean to! He asked me to punish him, and when I said no, he started crying and begging, and I-I panicked!"

Karine sighed in exasperation and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Okay, it's-it's all right. We'll figure something out." Karine thought for a moment, ignoring the piercing gazes of Broderick and Yvonne on her. Her eyes explored the room until a thought struck her.

"Landon!" Karine shouted, startling the other two members in the room. Shortly after she said it, Landon plodded out of his room, looking tired and disheveled.

Landon glared at Karine. "What?" He shouted in the same tone she had used.

"I need you to take Elliot out to the market," Karine explained.

Landon furrowed his brows. "Why?" He questioned.

"Because you haven't done a single thing for him since he's been rescued and he needs some fresh air. He's had a hard day."

Landon rolled his eyes. "Yvonne hasn't done anything either!" He exclaimed, gesturing toward their other teammate. "Why does it have to be me?"

"Because you also haven't left the house since we rescued Elliot. Both of you could use some fresh air and sunshine." Karine smiled in a way that said, 'Don't try to fight me on this. You're not going to win.'

Landon rolled his eyes again, even harder this time. "Fine. Where is he?"

"In his room," Karine answered.

Landon turned and made his way in the direction of Elliot's room without another word.

"Wait!" Broderick shouted after him. "Please, be careful, Landon. He's expecting to be punished, so just try not to be too harsh."

"Punished?" Landon repeated. "For what?"

Broderick shrugged. "I don't know, but he thinks he's done something wrong. Just please be gentle."

Landon sighed and nodded. "Okay, I'll be careful."

. . .

Elliot's mind was racing. He hadn't moved from his spot on the bed, but his entire body had grown completely tense. His heart was pounding and his eyes were burning. He didn't know what was in store for him, and that's what frightened him so much.

They're probably going to tie you down and take turns beating you. Or maybe they'll strip you and throw you out of the house for the rest of the day. Or maybe they'll lock you in the dark and finally start treating you like the worthless mutt you are

Elliot gasped when the door swung open. His eyes widened and his breathing ceased. He had expected Broderick to enter with his warm smile and caring demeanor. Elliot's blood ran cold when Landon entered, looking tired and annoyed.

Elliot nearly burst into tears.

Of course, it had to be Landon, because everyone knows that Landon doesn't like you. He probably volunteered to punish you. He's probably been looking forward to this since you were rescued

Elliot suppressed the whimper building in his throat and bowed his head submissively.

Good bitch

Landon forced a clearly fake smile and said, "Hey, buddy. How's it going?"

Elliot stiffened. How was he supposed to answer that? I'm actually fucking terrified, how are you?

Elliot didn't say that, though. Instead, he lowered his head further and said, "I'm okay, S-Sir." He hesitated on the last word. Was he not meant to call Landon 'Sir'? Would Landon get angry? He'd been trained to always address his superiors properly, but how was he supposed to know if Landon liked it?

Landon's face twisted in disgust. "Sir?" He repeated. "There's no need for that. We're friends, aren't we, bud?"

Elliot flinched and quickly scrambled to the floor. He grovelled at Landon's feet, wondering if he should start kissing them as well. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I-I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to offend you. I'm sorry. Please, have mercy."

Elliot wasn't looking at Landon, but he hoped he had pleased him enough. When nothing but silence followed, Elliot struggled to suppress the violent shivers wracking his small body.

You're such a bad slave. When was the last time you did something right, huh?

"Elliot," Landon's soft voice said. Elliot flinched and hunched his shoulders. "Buddy, I'm not angry. I'm not going to hurt you."

Landon kneeled in front of Elliot and gently tilted his face away from the ground. Landon wore a tired smile, but Elliot couldn't see any malice in it. "Broderick said you were expecting a punishment. Is that what's spooking you?" Elliot nodded. "Okay, well...why do you think you deserve to be punished?"

Elliot knew what this was. He'd done this hundreds of times. Landon wanted him to admit what a bad pet he was.

Elliot sniffled. "Because, I-I've been a bad dog. I've been screaming and fighting back. I can't seem to stop crying, but I-I know better. I know better, and I need to be punished."

Landon frowned and Elliot flinched again. "Elliot, look at me," Landon commanded. Elliot didn't dare disobey. "Do you want to be punished?"

"Well...no, but-"

"Then, I'm not going to punish you."

Elliot nearly burst into tears. "B-But, I-I need to be punished! I've been bad, and people don't want bad dogs."

Landon's frown deepened. "Who told you that you've been bad? Was it Lyra?"

"No, but-"

"Karine?"

"No."

"Broderick? Yvonne?"

Elliot shook his head.

Landon paused. "Was it a voice in your head?" Elliot hesitated before giving a gentle nod in response. Landon smiled proudly. "So, you're asking for a punishment because you've convinced yourself that you deserve one." Another nod. "But none of us think you've been bad." Elliot shook his head. "So, why would I punish you if I don't think you've been bad?" Elliot didn't answer. "Sounds to me like you're the one punishing yourself, am I right?"

Elliot lowered his head and started to cry. Landon's eyes widened and his proud smile faded. "Buddy?"

Elliot sniffled. "I'm sorry, Landon. I'm sorry for wasting your time. You shouldn't have to deal with me. I know you don't like me."

"What?"

Elliot pressed his forehead against the floor again. "Please, please, punish me, Landon. I know you don't think I deserve to be punished, but-but if you don't punish me, I'll never get better. Please. I can be a good dog, I swear. I can be good, but I need correction. Please, Landon. Please, punish me."

"Elliot!" Landon shouted.

Elliot reluctantly lifted his head from off the ground, only to find a cold, dark expression on the older man's face. Elliot whimpered and hunched his shoulders. "I'm s-sorry, Sir. I spoke out of turn."

Landon released a heavy sigh. "That's not...look, Elliot, I'm not going to punish you." Elliot's shoulders drooped. "I don't think you deserve to be punished, and therefore, I'm not going to punish you. Do you understand?"

Elliot nodded, snot dribbling into his mouth. "I'm-I'm sorry-"

"Yeah, I know," Landon snapped. Elliot flinched and whimpered, preparing for a slap or a kick or something to put him in his place.

Stupid, insolent mutt

"Look, I didn't come in here to punish you, all right?" Landon explained. Elliot tried to listen, but he didn't understand. "I came in here because Karine wanted me to take you to the market. I didn't want to yell! I tried to be gentle, like Broderick said, but you're not listening! I don't know what to say to make you understand!"

Elliot was sobbing now, bowing his head as far as it would go. He hadn't forgotten what it felt like to be yelled at and berated, and he'd known it was only a matter of time.

Stupid, useless, worthless, ugly piece of shit! Why can't you do anything right? You deserved to be turned into a pet, you deserved to have your life taken away from you. You're pathetic!

It's no wonder Lyra left. They were trying to get away from you! You're nothing put a pest! You deserved everything that Christian did to you! You deserved to be kidnapped and beaten and violated and locked up! All of this happened because you're fucking worthless!

. . .

Landon stared at the weeping boy by his feet. Elliot had finally stopped spewing out apologies and had simply devolved into a crying mess. Landon's stomach ached with guilt. He truly hadn't meant to yell, but seeing Elliot so pitiful and miserable and afraid made him so genuinely angry that he couldn't contain himself.

Landon had never properly met Christian, but he truly couldn't understand how cruel a person could be to turn a joyful, fun, cheerful person like Elliot into someone that begged to be beaten and called himself a 'bad dog'.

Landon sighed and kneeled down in front of Elliot again. "Elliot."

The younger man flinched, but he didn't do more than that to try and escape Landon's wrath.

"Buddy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I'm not mad at you, I swear."

Elliot didn't react. His trembling didn't slow, nor did the rapid, uneven succession of his breaths. He was using his hands to shield the top of his head, as though he expected Landon to hit him.

No wonder he thinks I hate him

Suddenly, the door swung open and Landon was promptly shoved out of the way. Landon stumbled to the side and watched as Karine knelt beside Elliot. She gently brushed his damp hair with her fingers and whispered soft reassurances into his ear.

"Karine, I-" Landon broke off as Karine shot him a furious look. Landon frowned. He'd never felt so guilty in his life and he didn't know how to fix what he'd done. "What-What can I do?"

There was fire behind Karine's eyes. "Get out, Landon. I think you've done enough." The calmness in her voice just made her anger that much more terrifying.

Landon didn't argue. He took one last look at Elliot's small, quivering form before he turned and left the room.

-

I'm not going to lie, this was not the idea I had for Landon's chapter. But I started writing and it just kind of took off on its own.

So, Landon may have a different chapter sometime in the future. It may be chapter 10, or it may be after Lyra returns, I haven't decided.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed!

Taglist:

@l-antre-des-merveilles @pigeonwhumps @nicolepascaline @burningkittypoet @whumpinggrounds @suffering-and-misery

Please let me know if anyone wants to be added to or removed from the taglist!

[cockringhoratio]

cant wait to add the sword dating game to the list of media i immediately block people for braindead takes on

[stylesunchained]

Yeah I see what you’re saying about people being willful and blind, and also not knowing exactly who they are working with. It’s also annoying how it is difficult for people to call her out because there are sooo many who just chalk it up to “oh they’re just delusional Harry fans”. And on top of that like you said because she’s really built up this rep for being a “girl boss” and a “feminist saviour” to the public that anytime anyone calls her out for anything that might actually concerning, they’ll say no she’s being empowered to whatever she wants in a business that says it’s wrong just because she’s a woman or whatever nonsense and then they’ll say that the haters are being misogynistic🙄 anywhooo sorry I’ll get off my soapbox now

That’s exactly it. Anyone who calls her out for anything, is accused of being jealous and envious because “she’s dating Harry”. And I saw a lot of people complain: “well, if she was so shitty why didn’t you call her out before this?” And it’s like… I don’t think people realize how… irrelevant she was in the industry before this. And I think a lot of people forget that when you’re irrelevant and you get to the level of scrutiny she’s experiencing now, it’s natural for the shit things she did in the past to come up because *of course* people are going to dig.

You don’t just start “dating” the biggest male popstar in the world out of absolutely NOWHERE, days after you were spotted frolicking in the sea with your partner of nine years and father of your children and expect for the ghosts of your past to remain in the past. You went public with a new relationship days after kissing and hugging said previous partner very publicly, after he CALLED YOU HIS PARTNER publicly… and then think people won’t look for dirt and try to figure out the fuck you went from person A to person and this quickly and everything else in between? Come on.

It’s never jealousy, it’s never envy, it’s the fact that this is absurd, the power dynamics are fucked up and if she were a man dating a woman ten years younger, people would have a problem with it, they’d be up in arms and this is not fucking ok lmfao her being a “girl boss” and people defending her for going after him cause that’s empowering it’s literally just a load of bullshit

[pluviophile-imagines]

🎉 NEW GAME: Introduce your mutuals to everyone and what do you think of them? 🎉

oooo interesting....... ok. as we all know i cannot shut the fuck up this is under the cut bc despite me having less than 10 mutuals total i also apparently decided to soapbox at the end so im uhhhhh very sorry. not sorry enough to edit anything tho LMFAO

first off i wanna say that i actually dont have that many mutuals LMFAO i only just recently (in the last uhhh three or four months, over the course of this blog which has been around for going on 2 yrs) started rlly putting effort into reaching out and making mutuals. im also only including "true" mutuals here, people who I mostly interact with on tumblr and not through discord, bc shout-out to @venexus @tay-is-writing @scotchtapehanta and @myherowritings yall r some of my bestest friends but we're not close bc we're tumblr mutuals! we're tumblr mutuals bc we became close through discord beforehand, and thats a big difference imo. also i wanna note that this is in chronological order! and i wanna say most of these blogs r 18+ because that's the content i tend to consume, so please please please respect their policies wrt interaction.

imma start this off with @cellotonins bc cookie is the first true mutual i made on this blog and what a first pick! theyre an absolute sweetheart, i adore seeing them on my dash, and im so excited to see where they'll be taking their new blog. rest assured i will be lurking in their inbox the whole time🧍

@andypantsx3 andie andie andie my beloved....... funnily enough i found her through one of HER mutuals when i was on a Jason Todd kick. and then i absolutely devoured her masterlist, and the rest is history. andie is the only person i will read oblivious reader from tbh, i adore her writing so much i cant even be annoyed JHABFJHAFBV and ma'am you have perfected the art of just the right level of slow burn & length of fic i applaud you

@ofmermaidstories merm! what is there to say about merm other than if u havent read her bakugo fic surrender (when youre ready) then what r u doing reading this silly lil love bomb and not that??? merm is going places lemme tell u. shes gonna publish a book and be a huge successful author and i will get to tell my cats as an old lady that i knew her when she was writing anime fanfiction.........

@wuhllow willow my darling my bakugo sister wife. i made that up just now idk if itll stick. absolute queen of bakugo characterization its like she n i share the same braincell wrt him. every time she makes a bkg post i commandeer it and add my 2 cents i just gotta its a compulsion..... everything she writes makes me wanna write more

@ihatebnha caitie's so fucking cool and if i get my way i will bully myself into her good graces. if u want good convo along with good writing, shes the blog for u. caitie if u see this brace urself im going to be friendship-courting you soon and that IS a threat be ready for me to hop in ur dms at any time

@saintdabi vic holy fuck i dont know how i managed to get them to follow me...... im still a lil intimidated by them tbfh i always feel a lil like im annoying them IUSHBDF but the takes??? the hot takes??? about like EVERYTHING from characterization/meta to just. talking about real-life bullshit on their blog...... im always sitting looking at the convos on their blog like "no lori u cant send in five asks thats too much" lmfao (esp bc im usually reading them the morning after theyve finished......)

@suguwu ALSO someone whose support is a mystery to me HBSDFUVH bee.... u know im a bnha blog right...... ik im working on that gojo fic but why r u here (im not complaining) bee is an absolute legend and shes going to fucking slaughter me with gothic romance geto when that comes out,,,,,,,, like deadass itll kill me. also someone who's a lil intimidating but in a "my older sister's cool friend" kinda way O.O

@izuukii scouts a lil bit of an outlier so disclaimer we did technically meet on discord through their 404 server! n e way ive only followed them for a week or so but im loving how eclectic their content is LMFAO scout definitely has a lil for everyone which is so fun. also i cant wait for nov to end so we can sprint together again bc i swear my writing production has more than halved with sprint bot out of commission......

and finallly adding @sipsteainanxiety on the end here breaking the chronological order bc i have known shay for almost two years!!! omg we actually JUST met up irl 🥺 it was so fun; she should technically be wayyy up at the top with folks i met through discord but we interact on tumblr so much i figured it was silly not to talk abt her. my OTHER bakugo twin flame, we ALSO share bakugo braincells and she's conditioned me into writing a couple hundred words on a certain fic every time i see ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ for which i am begrudgingly thankful

i wanna note now that i included literally ALL of my mutuals bc again i dont rlly have that many! that includes some who i've only just started interacting with & i might not know well, so if ur on this list and going "wait we havent talked that much why did she tag me....." thats why LMFAO im terribly sorry if it puts u off.

and here comes the soapbox. im gonna be honest, i think the culture of mutuals on this site is..... well, not necessarily toxic or unhealthy, because making friends bc of a shared interest is so fucking cool! especially if you're both working hard on it—writing is so much more fun when you have someone to support you and cheer you on, and bounce ideas off of. thats one of the reasons i decided to be more active and reach out more on here! i need enablers yall. badly. pls enable me

but i do wanna put out here..... theres a strange result from mutual culture where it feels like EVERYONE involved looks at everyone else and thinks to themselves "theyre all closer to each other than i am, they're doing it differently and im not doing it right" and that feeling sucks. it rlly does. so i guess one of the reasons im tagging people im not super close to is to reassure people looking at this that like....... im still figuring this shit out too. interpersonal relationships are fucking HARD, ya girl is autistic she KNOWS, so like. take it one step at a time and try not to compare the way you're feeling to the way other blogs project themselves—you dont really know what goes on behind the scenes, how much anyone truly talks to anyone else in DMs or otherwise. these are blogs! you're not seeing every aspect of anybody!

and i finish it off with hey! if u are someone i tagged that i dont know super well and r thinking "wow i wanna talk to her more" (or someone i tagged who i do interact with a bunch and just wanna get to know me better!) pls do! im friendly lol. and if i havent yet i will be jumping into ur dms at some point. thats a threat. its inevitable 👁️👄👁️ i just need to be in the right mood

[ofphcenixes]

( ooc note about why i am the absolute worst ! )

this is such a random note i know, and admittedly i’ve spent the entire day composing this. so if it’s a little disjointed or illogical, i want to apologise in advance ! however i have included this nice gif of luke - it doesn’t have anything to do with the post, just thought it would make it more appealing dkjfgdf. admittedly this is going to be a bit of a Long Boi™, but it is kinda.... relevant if you’ve ever tried to write/plot with me, or are wondering what’s going on with nate. behold, all your answers are below ! i’ll put a tldr at the bottom plus a nifty little vine compilation for anyone that reads this but, please don’t feel pressured to do so ! ya girl is just a Mess dkfjgd. 

the first thing i want to address is the elephant in the room; nathaniel ballantyne. i know a lot of people are curious about his fate, his place in the plot drop, why he vanished so much earlier than everyone else. is he actually guilty ? is he a martyr ? is he a red herring ? well, here’s the tea on mr nathaniel ballantyne: 

he is on indefinite hiatus. 

a lot of people probably wonder why. i will get into the specifics of the why in a little bit (when i said this was a Long Boi i was not kidding lmfao), but basically... he’s a very difficult character to write. i am not a veteran rper, and in all honesty, i can count on my hands the amount of rps i’ve been in. and there are only 5 characters i’ve ever written about and cared enough to remember. one of those is nate. for those of you that know him, he is a strange and eccentric character. entirely up his own ass at times, pretentious as hell. but he, to me, was a character i grew attached to. he was different from people i normally write, and despite how abstract he was, he was.... realistic to me. my deep rooted attachment to him is why it took me so long to see how hard it was for me to write replies with him, to understand the guilt i felt any time i plotted or wrote with him, and the fact he was so mentally taxing it would take five times as much time to write a reply for him than it would any other character. but the sad truth is, even though i only felt guilt related to him, even though i haven’t had muse for him honestly for months now, i kept him. because i love him, even if he isn’t loved by many others. and so part of the reason he is now where he is is the simple fact that i know he didn’t mesh with the group, and that’s okay ! he was a very difficult character to reply to, and now that he is gone, i feel that burden of guilt lifting already.

as for his plot related departure, the truth is i didn’t have the heart to kill him off, hence why he kinda is just out there in a weird in between space dkjfgdf. and ( as i’ll explain below ) if my life ever does even out at any point, i really want to bring him back should there be space for him. so this indefinite hiatus was made for many reasons, and it absolutely broke my heart to have to get to this point. i love nate, and i am going to miss him. and i hope that in due time, i will have the capacity to bring him back soon ! but in case i don’t, i just want everyone to know that i appreciate every second i spent writing with you all on nate, and that the time and effort people poured into him means the world to me. and i’m so, so sorry to the people who are disappointed in me for this, because i know there are probably a few. i have let so many of you down, and honestly this is a burden i am going to carry for a very long time. i am going to message people tomorrow when i am more Coherent so, i promise to do my best to atone for this kgdf.

but to segue into that a little more ( oh look, another elephant in the room ! what is this, dumbo 2: electric boogaloo ), as an admin, i know there are expectations we are supposed to meet. examples we should set. precedents we have to lay down. 

and i know i have disappointed every single one of you in this rp. 

from my slow ( to non-existent ) dash activity, for the anxiety that has left me unable to reply to dms or reply in the main group chat, to even the fear of godmodding in ask memes on a thursday. i know this seems perfectly illogical to most, and again, i completely understand the disappointment that so many of you feel towards me. and it’s that very disappointment which djkgdf ironically has made it harder for me to get on and be the admin that you all deserve. 

the real difficult thing about all of this is, i love veritas. and for those of you who were in veritas 1, would know that this is not who i usually am. this experience is not representative of the person i want to be, nor the rper that i usually present myself as. but as to avoid going into too triggering content and bothering you all with tmi details about my life problems lmfao, please rest assured that these past few months have been. absolutely brutal for me. from almost losing my opa to illness, from ongoing family issues and expectations, being kicked out of home among a list of other shit, my mental health has been as low as gfkdgdf it has ever been in my life tbh, and it’s been the hardest thing in the world to get on. all my attentions with veritas has been in the main, as the main is a very taxing job ( as you know, we are very plot centric ! ) and i would more often than not get so worn out with being an admin, my characters fell by the wayside. not to mention, as sort of dkfgjdf touched on before, i have massive anxiety when it comes to messaging people. why ? i don’t know. especially as i have wanted to plot with all of you extensively and deeply since we opened, and reading every single app made my heart beat a little faster with joy. i am so honoured to be an admin here, and each and every one of you are such an incredible writer and person that i can’t help but feel overwhelmed and guitlty about how much i have let you all down. especially for those who sent me dms that i either forgot about or never replied to because i got so anxious, i feel so guilty every day about it all and i just wish i could go back in time and change it. 

and the reality is, if i wasn’t an admin and co-creator of this group, i probably would have dropped out a long time ago, give the space to someone worthy, and i wouldn’t be filled with so much guilt. but the truth is, i am a selfish person dgdgdf. veritas has been that sort of dkfgjdf good, steady thing in my life that i looked forward to, and i couldn’t bear the thought of losing that. each and every one of you create the fabric that is this amazing atmosphere, and even though i’m less seen and heard compared to most others in this group, being part of veritas gives me a sense of belonging. and in a strange sense, a home. yes, i know i was selfish, and yes, i should have handled things much better than i did. but you all need to know from the bottom of my heart how sorry i am for everything that has transpired. ):

but i think the worst part of it all is that, my beautiful co-admin maaria, and my best friend. among letting you all down, i know i have let her down the most. and i just want to take my soapbox moment for a second here and really put light into how much maaria has done for this group. especially when my own life has been in shambles, and knowing she’s going through her own problems, she always provides for you all. she is always here, always online, always around to make you laugh or smile. she provides for all of us, and is honestly a miracle worker. i don’t think i will ever deserve her forgiveness for everything, but i hope she knows how loved she is, and i hope you all show her your sentiments too ! she is the heart of veritas, and fdjg she means the world to me, and i just really want her to know that.

but that was. a lot of emotions and obviously i haven’t talked about everything in my life ( i do not want to bore you and honestly i don’t wanna make y’all sad dkfjghdkfjgdfgdf ) none of this really means anything if things aren’t going to change. so get ready for some Bullet Point Action because here is my proposal: 

nEw SkElEtOn: although nate is on hiatus and sorta just gonna, float out there in the void of time, and even though i really want to bring him back soon i don’t know if/when i will, i have felt immense guilt for hoarding his spot in this rp for someone who could be more active. hence, a solution: a new skeleton ! as i am not comfortable with nate’s skeleton being open, we have created a new skeleton with connections to all nate’s old connections, which should hit the main very soon ! 

new discord: this is probably unnecessary but dfkgjdfg i have a lot of anxiety about discord. when i get a new message i’m always like ??? AAH A GHOST. idk why. and because of that, i skip a message once, and now there are so many unanswered messages i have a heart attack every time i open my app. so, to prevent that, i am going to make a new discord account ! ( lilacrps #i forgot the number lmao ). i will be adding everyone as Friends and if you’ve ever sent me something i never responded to, or for some odd reason you wanna talk to me, a human mess, please know now that with a fresh slate i will ensure i can reply to you. i am not gonna let my anxiety win this time. 

schedule: part of my issue is that i dfkjgdf always felt pressure to do everything all the time and then when i couldn’t, i fell under pressure. so dkfgjdf i am now having designated plotting and reply days ! so even though i hope to be far more active in both regards, i just need people to understand things won’t be instant, but i am holding myself accountable not only for myself, but for the rp - as that is what an admin should do.

this got super long and i highly doubt anyone is actually gonna read this lmao BUT. the main point is - i love every single one of you all so much, and i can’t apologise enough for how much i have let you all down. i know we all feel it, and i’m more than happy to accept my flaws and how blatant they’ve been in the past few months. so this is my pledge to every single one of you that i promise to do better (and if i don’t, you can kick me out dkjfgdf). 

TLDR: I have been a terrible admin and friend, and I’m here to say sorry. With a new discord and personal plotting schedule, things are going to change. 

If I can’t cure my depression, maybe I can cure yours.

[meshkol]

service sub or brat steve?

ahem, sb1 while i hop on my soapbox

SO. brat steve for sure. he’s certainly capable of both of course -- i mean, canonically speaking, he’s both a lil shit and also desperate to serve, so it’d make sense -- but that being said, i think steve would get more out of being a brat, and probably wouldn’t get very much out of being a service sub (though, again, that’s my opinion).

the thing is, steve was a brat when he was powerless and not in control, and now he’s in this amazingly strong and resilient body surrounded by a public and personal life where people see him as a bastion for freedom and justice and service. he lives that shit every single day, having to be the pinnacle of the selfless service for his country, and there’s a huge part of him that still loves doing it, even though he (also canonically, both in the comics and the MCU) starts to become disillusioned by the establishment.

which. well. get in line, buddy, we’ve all got shade to throw and revolutions to start.

being a brat submissive though would be a really good outlet for him. he wouldn’t have to wear some Service Before Self sorry, wrong branch, but couldn’t help it it was too perfect to resist lmfao bullshit and would actually get to lash/act out, while also getting to snag a piece of that old steve rogers that belonged to a time where he wasn’t elevated to an almost unattainable standard.

trust me: when you’re dropping into the mindspace and edging subspace, the last thing you want to remember is all of your responsibilities and triggers from the outside, and blind service would be one of those for a submissive steve, just like it is for a good chunk of a-type personalities.

anyway. oops. off my soapbox now??

ask me a thing

[wetsydy]

20 Questions Thing

Tagged by @dimecall

I’m just gonna use ur questions since I’m too tired and lazy to think of my own

Name: ):( Jadyn

Nationality: Americaaaaaa fuck yeahhhh

Gender: Female that wishes she could stop being so gay sometimes. 

Zodiac: Capricorn! 

Favorite Color: Either Maroon or Bronze-gold

Favorite Animal: A R M A D I L L O   L I Z A R D 

Favorite Number: 8, and it will keep going up until 12 for unknown reasons to anyone. (insert hearts ;)) ) 

Hobbies: Okay so like I tag my characters with songs?? That’s random but yeah. Writing, roleplaying af, flirting af (gay me pls)

Favorite Book: My Hamilton book gifted to me for Christmas by my step-mom

Race: About the blackest a white girl can get tbh. (i won’t elaborate, you’d hate me irl--)

Favorite Cartoon Character: Does Shrek count

Favorite kind of ships: Aw y’know like the Titanic? I dig that shit (Lmfao, sorry)

Favorite inside joke: (OH MY GHAD)  Her-ble-ble-blah-blah-blah i need no introduction when you knock me down I get the ffffffFFFffffFFFfffffff *on knees with red face and constantly just dragging out the f* (I won’t explain, sorry)

Languages:....English? :(

AUs: Well for Hamilton, Bmc, and Marvel I stick with canon, sometimes modern but i enjoy the fancy canon shit. 

Favorite soapbox topic: A thumb is a finger

Silly fear: Any insect, even if I know its harmless

emotional fear: Having upset someone because I’m upset then I have to try my best to not annoy them and figure out how to calm both of us

Pets- Maine Coon cat, Watermelon. Golden Lab Mutt, Direwolf.

What do I think about this?: It was random, but I was glad to participate! Took to long for me to type 

Tags: @gayhamiltontrash13 @john--laurens @hxstoryrewrxtten good luck friends :)

[hirsuteandcute]

Omf this is so long I'm sorry haha I'm in a rambly mood I hope that's ok?

i think it’s important to observe the world around us. i’ve spent so much time on the internet that i started to take it as gospel and i thought that the world automatically hated any woman that doesn’t conform to femininity. to an extent this is true, (i think the case is rather women are rewarded for conforming to femininity but not always punished for straying from it, what do u guys think?) but you mainly see women criticized for their looks in the media or on the internet. since i’ve gotten a job i’ve noticed how many “normal” women there are. there are tons of women with acne and hyper-pigmentation that don’t wear any makeup, women with hairy legs, backs and faces, there are fat women, disabled women, trans women, ALL KINDS of women everywhere. And i know it’s like duh, women exist but i think once i realized this, i realized that we should stop looking for other people to represent us and instead just represent ourselves. Living as your true self is the best way to change the world and it really helps inspires others; i know this because i’ve been inspired by women that do the same. I feel like you all can relate to the giddy feeling you get when you see a fellow hairy girl out and about just living her life. it’s just nice to see someone comfortable enough to be themselves and not feel alone. it’s so easy to say “oh i can’t do [something u really wanna do] because society deems it as unacceptable” but most of the time we’re just caught up in our own heads. whenever i’d leave the house in a backless shirt or not shave my face I’d be so scared of what people might think but then i got over it because literally nobody cared lol. and if they did, they kept it to themselves. media has had such a negative influence on our self perception. googling stuff like “do guys like hairy girls” and reading the horrifying responses from men has warped my mind and led to believe that i was undeserving of love because of how i look. most people irl do not care if your body/face has hair, lumps, bumps, etc and if they do, they’re not worth your time. We neeeeed to stop fearing “society” because we are society! We were all conditioned to think the same things so if you want change, take the initiative to break the cycle. We neeed to stop caring about what fuckboys on twitter or what people in the media are saying about us because those people DO NOT have our best interests at heart. Also “self-love” is so much more than just loving your physical appearance and vanity and I wish more people preached that. It’s about realizing that as a human being you are priceless and have boundless potential and are deserving of love, compassion, and respect. Before i get off my soapbox, I just wanna say that I love you all. I don’t know you but I love you because I’ve felt the same pain. The pain of feeling ugly, unworthy, and frustrated. The hours spent crying and cursing because how your body was crafted and all that time you spent wanting to be someone else and thinking “how could anyone ever stomach someone like me? why tf do i have so much hair on my butt/face/back??”. I was tricked just like you all. It’s time to take our humanity back. lmfao sorry for this long corny ass submission but i didn’t have anywhere else to put this

h&c:

[cassandrawonbbcan5]

you know what? i’m fired up

i think sarah played a great game and totally deserved to win the season. i thought she was an amazing character while being a horrible player in cagayan and so when i found out she was coming back i was like, “oh, ok that works.” she snowed brad and troyzan the fuck in at final tribal and she deserves credit.

that FUCKING said...

i don’t want to see anyone get misted into thinking sarah’s a cool person for not rejecting zeke for being trans. that’s basic human decency.

sarah is a terrible fucking person, sorry to say it. you have to be a terrible fucking person to be an undercover cop and entrap sex workers, which she admitted to doing during her fucking final tribal council speech. i felt the same way about derrick on bb16 basically bragging about entrapping drug dealers. i have friends in the sex industry and so many of them live in fear every day because of cops like sarah. hearing her compare her game to that of a criminal was so fucking wack to me like, we all know what your actual republican ass sees in your head when you say “criminal.”

IMO there really are no good cops because the police as an institution literally exists to maintain “law & order” i.e. entrap and lock up poor people, black people, disabled people and YES, trans people, especially trans women and especially trans sex workers.

i’m glad most of the people on here have expressed similar sentiments as me towards her whole “i was afraid of being associated with zeke/i’m so glad my family didn’t reject me for tolerating the existence of a trans person” MESS. i just wanted to express this here rather than reddit where i’d probably get raked over the coals for expressing how i feel about this. i’ll step off my soapbox but honestly fuck sarah lacina lmfao