#sorry btw if i havent been chatty lately

[lynxgirlpaws]

Probably the less pressing of the two brainworms but the most concerning from an outside view probably. This is kinda two sub things actually. Uhh. Self harm chat below the cut. Sorry.

1

So like. As y'all may know, I . Cut . Well, not really anymore. It's been like a few weeks. But I've got a few (a lot) scars. I personally don't really care. Like, oh no there's some lines on my thighs noooo :/

My issue is... The opposite. While it's weirdly comforting seeing others with scars (even if it's a horny post, I'll stop being horny and. Just wanna give op a hug) I. Have noticed the stupidest thing. Whenever I see... Deeper cuts? I feel like shit. Like I'm somehow a faker. There were times when I was cutting where I seriously started doing it more just because I thought I wasn't doing enough to. Deserve... To self harm? It's like how I can't take punching or biting my tongue or scratching my neck seriously either, like. Those don't count c'mon. Except. Much worse.

I dunno. It's just something that worries me when I rember it. Thought I'd get it out

2

I. I feel so bad for this one dude I. Okay so, I had a class last year right? It was like a weight lifting class. We'd just go to the weights room and fuck around. But it was mostly the super athletic sporty type. Except for like. Me and one freshman. I mean there was one other dude but he was in football or something so he's basically sporty. Anyways me and this guy would chit chat. He's cool as hell . I think the poor bastard looked up to me, like "woaaah the smart upperclassman" when really I was a fuckin mess. I wouldn't call him a friend since we didn't talk outside of that class. But. Whatever. I think he looked up to me. Ig I was kinda like "hey. Dumbass nerds can make it too lol". I remember him talking about how he liked to play Minecraft & thought it wasn't cool and I was like "dude. I know this dude doing internships with NASA and studying architecture and stuff. Guess what his favorite game is? Minecraft lol" (shoutout dako) like. "Hey lil dude you can make it and keep doing what you enjoy". Anyways... One day we're sitting on the bench y'know. Waiting for class to start... And. Some of my cuts show. I. Like he asks if I'm alright, and I laugh it off and cover my legs you know. But. Looking back on it... That's so fucked. Like, imagine you have a role model. Who's managing themselves and not getting involved in bullshit and smart and funny and. One day you get a peak into the fact that they're a complete fuckign mess. I. I dunno I. Feel bad. Also last night remembering that genuine "are you okay?" Had me fucked up. I. There's not really a point to this just. On my head. In my mind

Anyways that's the self harm part of tonight's rants done. I'm alright tonight to my knowledge, so. Don't worry about me !!!