#sorry beron

[fourteentrout]

Stupid Acotar High Lords Headcanons

Based on vibes alone, no explanation, sorry about the blatant objectification

Rhys: Best ass

Tamlin: Best tits

Helion: Best thighs

Tarquin: Best abs

Kallias: Best hair

Thesan: Best back

Beron Eris: Best waist/hips

[thrumugnyr]

"The High Lord of Autumn" for @sjmvillainweek Day 4: Reign

[nocasdatsgay]

The reason Eris isn’t allowed in Velaris is cause Nesta would have took him home once during her ✨escapades✨ and it would have been over for Cassian.

[gwyns]

when the autumn court coup is successful and eris sells beron to tamlin WHAT THEN???

[queercontrarian]

like fire (hellfire)

high lords aren't born, they're made

[acotarmemes]

ACOTAR tweets // the other daemati

Everyone, let's welcome the newest additon to the Twitter timeline and a new source of Prythian tea ☕ Dave, the other Daemati from Under the Mountain. It's giving disgruntled corporate employee 👌

I have a couple of silly tweets planned with Mr. Davemati over here, and it works out timing-wise for the upcoming @sjmvillainweek!!

[clockwork-ashes]

Day 2 - Childhood | Legacy

Note: for day two of @erisweekofficial <3 just a content warning before this one, because there are mentions of past abuse as well as descriptions of it near the end. thank you for reading!!!

Summary: Beron sees Eris as heir to his throne, but the Lady of Autumn sees him as her little boy (one-shot). Read also on Ao3 <3

The Lady of Autumn threw herself forward, emerald skirts gripped so tightly between her fingers that the already pale knuckles of her hands had turned bone white. She crashed into the thick carved doors of the dining room, her shoulder pushing roughly against the aged wood. It was not locked, but it was heavy without the guards there to help her. 

The torches flared as she shoved the doors open with all her strength, already out of breath from having run through the near empty corridors. “Eris,” she called, the one word a strangled yell ripped from her throat. 

“Callista?” Her husband’s voice was steady, and she came to a sudden stop as he turned to face her. 

Beron Vanserra was lovely, unforgivingly handsome in his shirtsleeves. His hair fell in loose chestnut coloured curls against his neck, kissing the dark fabric of his collar. His brows were furrowed, his full lips pulled into a familiar frown. He was not wearing a crown. 

She spared him a moment’s glance before her russet eyes fell to the child she had been searching for. Callista was ever so close, and yet much too far from her son. She swallowed, choking on her own unease. There was a scarlet mark on his smooth cheek, but there were no tear tracks cutting a path across his face.  

Eris stood in front of his father, looking unafraid, his features betraying none of his emotions.  

Callista fought her instincts, every muscle tense with the effort it took to stop herself from running to him. She had never considered whether or not she had wanted to be a mother. When her parents had arranged a meeting with the High Lord, it had all seemed like a fantasy. She had married young, and had never given much thought to the matter despite knowing becoming pregnant was a possibility. 

Children were rare.  

Precious.

Even silently thinking about such a fact was not enough to stop her from crying when her first and only baby had been born. She had not felt like she was ready, and had hardly been reassured when all her husband could talk about was finally having an heir to the throne. 

Eris had been an awful newborn. He had constantly been crying, and Callista had been unable to listen to any of the midwives and servants who had told her to leave him in his crib until he stopped. Taking him into her arms had only seemed to make the crying worse, and she had been unable to understand what he had needed from her. Motherhood had seemed like a never ending nightmare. 

Beron had taken to sleeping in a different room entirely, and Callista had not wanted to leave Eris with anyone if she could not be present as well. She had already been feeling as though control over her life was slipping away like sand in an hourglass, and she was determined to be good to the helpless creature she was to be responsible for.

When her parents had returned from their short trip to Xian, Callista had begged her own mother for help, having exhausted all other options. 

If your little lion cannot sleep, place your hand gently on his chest and whisper his name three times. Works like a charm. 

Even Callista had to catch herself from rolling her eyes, biting back hurtful words coming from a place of frustration. Her mother’s beliefs were usually different from her own, and she was hardly familiar with whatever tale the older female had been referring to.

Much to Callista’s surprise, her mother’s advice had worked. The gesture had effectively calmed Eris down and would even relax him as a toddler. His happiness had been enough to settle her into her new role, pleased that he had been all smiles. 

Beron’s voice dragged Callista out of her own memories, snapping her back to the present. She could hardly remember the last time Eris had smiled, too serious for less than a decade old. She turned her attention to her husband as he lazily waved a hand, heavy golden rings flashing as he repeated himself. 

“Tell your mother why the tutor was upset.” Although the High Lord’s voice was soft, there was no doubt his statement was a command, one that Eris would not be allowed to refuse. 

Eris looked to the stone floors, tugging uncomfortably on the hem of his jacket. “I’m not very good at hunting,” he admitted. 

Beron clicked his tongue as Callista inched closer. Her steps were silent as she kept a careful watch on her husband. “Tell your mother the truth.”

“I didn’t want to hunt the pack of deer we were tracking and keep the antlers as a trophy,” Eris said, his voice steady, angry resolve in his tone. “The tutor told me that the lives of animals held little value…” He paused, glancing at his father, waiting to see if he should continue. At Beron’s subtle nod, Eris clenched his hands into fists. “So I told the tutor that his life was of no value to me.” 

Callista breathed in sharply, the words harsh coming from a boy so small. She would have responded, would have reminded Eris to keep certain things to himself, but the backhanded blow Beron offered as punishment stunned her into shocked silence. 

Not again. 

The thought rang in her mind like the toll of a bell. Beron could be kind, if he wished. Callista had seen as much, had noticed how soft he could be with her and with Eris, but when he was angry she could barely recognize the male. 

“You need to learn to watch your mouth,” Beron snarled. His punishments were too rough, and their child was too young, and she did not know how to put some of his lessons to an end. She rushed forward at the sound of the second smack, pulled into action at the quiet whimper Eris made in pain. 

Callista grabbed onto the High Lord’s hand, putting her own body between him and their child. Her skirts did a poor job of shielding Eris, dragging limply along the floors and covering the toes of Beron’s boots. 

“My love,” she breathed softly, the endearment falling smoothly from her lips but feeling like shards of glass on her tongue. “My love, I think that’s enough.”

Anger flashed in his dark eyes, embers coming to life in his heavy gaze. Callista watched as a muscle twitched on his clenched jaw. He left his one hand gripping hers, but she tensed as she felt his long fingers on her waist. Beron moved her slowly to the side. “Eris is a strong boy,” he insisted, “I’m sure he can take it.”

Beron gestured for Eris to come closer, and Callista kept her tight hold on his hand. She was certain her nails were digging into his skin, that they would leave a mark. There was a trail of blood on the corner of her little boy’s mouth, a drop falling from his chin onto the stone floors. It fell in the shape of a rose petal, she thought absently. 

Eris winced as Beron lifted his hand, only for her husband to run gentle fingers through their son’s scarlet curls. “Isn’t that right, Eris?” 

Eris relaxed into the soft touch, humming in agreement. His shoulder bumped into his father’s leg, but Callista stayed in her spot at Beron’s side. Everything seemed right in the world once again, but the blood cutting across her child’s face was a stark reminder of reality. 

Beron pulled his hand from the tight grip she still had on him, running his palm up to her wrist. She could not help but notice the smattering of blood on his knuckles. At the sound of his voice, she shook her head to look up at him. “I have a meeting with advisors about farmlands in the east.”

Callista nodded, relief washing over her like gentle rain as she watched his retreating back. As soon as the doors shut behind the High Lord, she was on her knees, desperate hands pulling Eris close. 

“Are you alright?” She asked, holding him in a way she realised was perhaps painful. “Where does it hurt?” Callista wiped at the blood on him with the sleeve of her dress, glad to see that the cut was already healing. 

“No where,” Eris mumbled, already eager to move away. His cheeks turned red in embarrassment at having someone fuss over him. 

He went to look down, but Callista brushed back his hair, gazing into his bright amber eyes – lion’s eyes, her family from Xian had declared. They always seemed so sad, uncontrollable flames in their golden depths, like he knew he was carrying the weight of a crown he had never asked for. 

“Can I give you a hug?” She asked softly, still unsure of herself when it came to being a mother. 

Eris looked at her, scrunching his small nose adorably. He nodded and Callista held him close, clenched her eyes shut as he fell like a puzzle piece into the crook of her neck. She forgot for a moment that he was heir to the Autumn Court, seeing him completely and wholeheartedly as her little boy. 

[rin-u-pos]

An Invitation

Tamlin,

I give apologies only when they’re due

For I misjudged you as a sentimental fool,

The whore and his harlot’s favorite tool.

The beast’s wrath and rage was long overdue, 

Admittedly I rejoice in this side of you,

So consider this offer granted to only a few.

Autumn males are made of fire,

Power and pleasure to their heart’s desire.

You think your little flowers stand a chance,

When flames consume all in their path.

A gust of wind perchance?

Here’s your invitation; ignite this pyre.

I’ll excuse the blatant disrespect,

As your filthy paws wrapped around my neck.

That brute strength had me in a wreck.

I call in our debt with this simple request.

Served in your war, did I not?

Now serve me with that beastly knot.

Think carefully,

Beron Vanserra

[fieldofdaisiies]

I hereby apologise to @moonlightazriel and @brekkershadowsinger for the Beron spanking kink message. It wasn’t my intention to shock you 🫣

[secret-third-thing]

Chapter 2: Dead Birds; Don't Eat

Eris x OC | Rated E | Read on AO3 | Read on tumblr below the cut (Part 1 here)

A/N: Eris finally shows up in this chapter. Featuring a special guest aka a dog. Don't forget old men that argue like teen girls.

Gianna of Montesere's life is shattered when her family becomes the target of a chilling assassination attempt. Forced into exile at her estranged father's side in the Autumn court, she embarks on a journey that thrusts her into the treacherous depths of Prythian's most perilous family. Amidst the dazzling highs and heart-wrenching lows of cutthroat politics, Gianna discovers an unexpected love in Eris Vanserra that turns her world upside down.

Warnings: Typical violence and scheming, gambling, old-school slut shaming

Read if you like: slow burn, enemies to lovers, political intrigue, worldbuilding, cute dogs

👀 Read Below the Cut 👀

"Toffee, bring it here."

Eris crouched and reached out his hand to the smoke-hound puppy. She had her chest pressed to the ground, her brown eyes opened wide, and her tail wagging so hard it shook her whole body. He waited a few minutes for the dog to drop the dead sparrow in its mouth. But right when he was sure he could wrestle the corpse away, Toffee bolted, running around, pausing to wag her tail, and then running at breakneck speed again. They had been at this for a good twenty minutes now - the tug of war between him and his dog. For a general, he was doing a lousy job of winning.

His other hounds were patiently sitting behind him. Marzipan let out a massive yawn and pawed at his muzzle. The others were dozing off, curled into one another for warmth against the cool autumn breeze. None of them would be of any help, it seemed. Eris reached down to give one a pat on the head and ignored Toffee's continued attempts to engage him in play. She barked at him, muffled by feathers and flesh, and started running in circles around the group. Eris picked a leaf off his coat and continued to ignore her until she trotted over, head cocked as she watched Eris dote on her pack mates. She stopped at Eris' feet and nudged his legs, but the moment he turned to grab her, she took off again, the dead bird still in her mouth. Another bird fell from a tree. He sighed.

The birds were everywhere, sparrows, finches, robins, birds both native to Autumn and not. They had appeared overnight, thousands and thousands of birds across the court, dead. It didn't bode well, and nothing in recent history books could cite such a phenomenon happening before. Eris had spent most of this morning with his brothers organizing efforts to clean up and dispose of the corpses, but he had a meeting later this afternoon with his father and his advisors to discuss the incident. Somehow, he thought the advisors would be of little use.

Toffee came up to him one more time, this time whimpering. Finally, she sat at his feet and dropped the bird onto his boots. Her tail was curled under her, and she looked up at him with eyes that nearly melted him from the inside.

"I know, I know," he cooed, giving the dog some loving scratches behind her ear. She was the youngest in his group but was energetic and strong, if not a bit tenacious. In a couple of years, she'd be a formidable hunter.

He wrapped the dead bird in canvas fabric and whistled for his dogs to follow him back to the Forest House. As they moved silently through the brush, they walked past several lesser fae, scooping the birds with shovels into large wheelbarrows to take them to the bonfire at the far edge of the estate. The rancid stench of burning bodies filled the air. A sense of unease washed over Eris as the Forest House came into view.

Earlier this morning, one of the servants had interrupted the family breakfast to tell them quite frantically that there were thousands of birds on the ground, dead, some even still twitching. And right as Beron had taken a moment to gather his thoughts, a bird hit the window on its descent to the ground below. Eris may have laughed had he been several centuries younger, but he settled on meeting his younger brother Arrius' eyes as the latter struggled to cover a snort with several coughs.

This wasn't the first time that something strange had happened in Autumn. Only a month ago did the cicadas crawl out of the ground a decade early, attach themselves in droves to the trees, then die, leaving little, crunchy bodies everywhere, much to Eris's disgust. He hadn't enjoyed picking them off his hounds' fur, though he suspected he'd rather be doing that than attending this meeting with his father.

By the time Eris had entered the meeting room, his father was already seated at the head of the table, with his advisors flanking him on either side. A single chair to his father's right remained empty.

As always, Eris was struck by the elegance of his father's meeting room, which his mother had lovingly decorated early into her marriage. The chamber had walls painted a deep, earthy sienna covered with elaborate oaken panels. The room's woodwork had lavish, gilded accents, catching the light from the crystal chandelier of faelight and casting a soft, amber glow around the room. Eris would call it cozy if his father weren't currently staring daggers at him.

"Frolicking with the servants?" Beron asked with a contemptuous sneer.

Eris' response was calm and measured as he took the remaining seat. "They'll be finished disposing of the birds before sundown." He met his father's intense stare, neither backing down until one of the advisors cleared his throat.

"The healers report that the birds did not die by natural means," the male offered.

Eris' eyes flickered to the advisor, Bassell, one of his father's newest additions to the table. He was young compared to his peers but possessed the same hungry eagerness that characterized each of his father's trusted advisors. Only a slight twitch in his mouth betrayed Bassell's nerves. Eris wouldn't mark it as a weakness, however. On the contrary, to have earned a place by his father's side meant that he had traded something precious for this role. Eris could only imagine what it had been, but that was something he could find out later.

Beron gave a withering look to the male. "I find that hard to believe."

"They say there's some sort of magic affecting them. Something old," Bassell continued.

"Your healers claim it's some archaic magic at work. Ancient sorcery," another advisor scoffed dismissively. "I suspect if we brought it to legitimate healers and not your backwater quacks, we'd hear a much different story."

A third advisor cut in, "Bassell, perhaps your overzealousness is causing a misinterpretation of this…supposed…ah… deep magic."

Bassell looked irritated. "Deep magic. Daglan magic. Call it what you want. It's certainly not like our magic. And I'd love to see what your sources say differently. Please be sure to give them extra gold for good measure, hm?"

"What makes it 'old'?" Eris asked. The fact that Daglan was being tossed around like they were in a petty argument was concerning.

"The way the magic is constructed... It's not woven together the same way." Bassell said. "It was infused with the birds' essence, not like a curse, but rather it had been there all along, part of them." He frowned as though there was something off-putting about the whole scenario, though Eris couldn't blame him. The Daglans had been monstrous creatures who had preyed on faeries and humans alike. A variety of them still dwelled in Prythian, though as far as he knew, the Night Court had done everyone a service by hunting down the most savage of them in the past several centuries.

"And your healers are familiar with this kind of magic?" Eris asked. It was curious they would be. Bassell wasn't from one of the more populated areas of Autumn. In fact, his principality was one of the poorest in the court. At his promotion, Beron's other advisors had been horrified to learn that little more than a farmer-turned-politician would be joining their ranks.

"Well, ah… my township is deep within the woods of Autumn, where various ancient creatures dwell."

"Rumors." an advisor cut in hastily.

Bassell paused to glare. "Where they are rumored to dwell. Sometimes we come across unusual occurances."

"Unusual, how?" Eris prompted. The rest of the advisors groaned.

It was nearly undetectable, but Bassell hesitated. "Creatures with strange attributes, glowing eyes, irregular, disjointed movements. Nothing dangerous yet, but still concerning."

Eris glanced at his father, who had knitted his brows in what appeared to be deep consideration. But he could see the detachment in his father's eyes, the kind of feigned interest he projected when there was something he wasn't ready for the rest of his court to uncover. Eris thought back to the conversations he had shared with his father in the past year - nothing about magic, always about infrastructure, foreign affairs, and the like. But it wouldn't be the first time his father had hidden something from him. Eris was fully aware his father was possibly the first of the current high lords to attempt to make amends with Hybern. Eris had only found out through his own spies. As far as his father knew, Hybern wasn't on his son's radar.

Beron's voice growled over the bickering of his advisors. "I'll look into the matter myself." And with that, the topic died.

The advisors then launched into a long list of remaining issues, wanting to raise taxes and foreign exports being sent to the continent: weapons to Rask, rare botanicals to Montesere. Eris listened carefully, taking note of how the fae around him reacted. It was rather mundane, which struck Eris as odd, considering the fauna of their court was slowly dying. He wondered if, by the time his father showed a vested interest, all the boar in the woods would be dead before hunting season. How long would it take for the Autumn farmers to see their harvest impacted?

Interrupting the discussion, Eris spoke up. "Father, I understand the importance of these matters, but I can't help but feel we're neglecting the urgency of the situation with the birds. Old magic hardly seems something to ignore."

At this, the atmosphere in the room grew tense, and the advisors glanced among themselves as Beron met his son's challenging gaze. The High Lord's face melted into a calm mask of authority, but Eris knew better and saw the fury hidden in those murky brown eyes. Eris had seen it before when Lucien declared his love for Jesminda when his mother had rebuffed his father's advances centuries before his youngest brothers were born. It was a fury that Eris had weathered his whole life and a fury that meant Eris had stumbled upon something quite dangerous and important indeed.

"It seems I've raised a son more interested in animals than the welfare of his court."

"An unbalanced ecosystem threatens the welfare of this court. How long will it take before it spreads to our neighbors? Certainly, you don't want the solar courts involved?"

Beron gave him a look suggesting calculated torment later. "Very well, Eris, If this concerns you so much, I'm more than happy to let you continue mucking around with the peasants. See if you'll find something useful this time."

And with that, Eris knew he was dismissed. He did not meet the eyes of the advisors as they watched him walk unhurriedly out the door. If anything, Eris knew he was right, and they knew he was right too. There was something rotten in Autumn. 

[mossytrashcan]

DID I DRAW JESUS!£!£>£!?????

[mirandasidefics]

Autumn Leaves

(Late Submission for @erisweekofficial Prompt: Bonds/Bargains 👑)

Pairing(s): Eris x Archeron Sister! Reader  

Summary: Eris never anticipated to find his Mate in a former human. 

Word Count: 3.1K

Warning(s): Mention of traumatic childbirth, mentions of Beron (he’s a trigger all on his own these days). 

Author’s Note: BASED ON THIS REQUEST. I felt that this scenario fit perfectly with the prompt of Bonds/Bargains for Eris Week. I hope that this fits well with what you had wanted anon! I know the request specifically asked for Reader to be the youngest, but I felt that it would be a bit more inclusive to leave the birth order more ambiguous for those that maybe don’t relate to being the youngest sibling. My brain wasn’t functioning enough to allow me to write an understandable dance scene, so…sorry that it's not as descriptive as I would have preferred. I also didn’t go back to review any of the events that occurred in ACOWAR or ACOSF, so if it’s not exactly canon compliant just ignore that. Also, Lucien was at the Hewn City solstice ball for this because I said so. 

Special thanks to @hardcoremarvelfan for beta reading and coming up with the title for this. Also, there will very likely be a part 2.

dividers by @/tsunami-of-tears ACOTAR Masterlist

The first time Eris saw the Made female he was immediately intrigued. She was quiet and stoic, much like the two sisters she accompanied for the High Lord’s meeting. Her eyes, the same shade as her sisters, appeared cold as she took in the room. It was clear she was observing more than she let on, gaze trained forward yet keenly aware of every single one of the High Lords and their various entourages. It was apparent to Eris that she saw more than her sisters, perhaps even more than his brother’s mate who was rumored to have been gifted the powers of a Seer by the Cauldron. He could feel the power that radiated off this fourth sister and couldn’t help but wonder what gifts she may have been granted. 

The second time he saw her was at the end of the battle with Hybern on the edge of the Spring and Summer Court border. Her eyes appeared distant as if she was separated from her body and the gore that surrounded her. But his answer regarding her gift had been answered as a circle of ice forged spears surrounded her. At least a dozen bodies were skewered while she stood stock still in the center of the circle. He had been compelled to approach her, but his brother got to her first, asking if she was okay and if she had seen his mate. After a single nod and a pointed finger towards a series of tents Lucien gently guided her away from the carnage she wrought. 

The third time he saw her was at the solstice ball in the Hewn City over a year later. Dressed in a drab black gown clearly intended to prevent her from sticking out. However, it wouldn’t have mattered if she was dressed down or in the most lavish of gowns. Eris’ eyes were instantly drawn to her as soon as she processed along with the High Lord and Lady of the Night Court. His youngest brother was by her side as an escort. As she approached the dias with her family, her eyes found his own, and Eris felt the world tilt on its axis. It took all of his mental will power to remain upright at the realization of what she was to him. Mate. 

Eris couldn’t remove his eyes from the female as Rhysand made his speech. Nor could he remove them when the music started and various Fae in attendance began to dance. He followed every one of her steps as she was escorted towards the dance floor, a beautiful smile spread wide across plush pink lips. He was vaguely aware of Rhysand's approach, his introduction to the High Lady’s sister. The only one that was dressed to be admired by the eyes of others. Nesta, he believed it was. But Eris wasn’t interested in the female that stood before him. He held up a hand, instantly silencing the High Lord, and simply pointed to the sister on the dance floor. 

“What is her name?” He asked, the light russet gaze never faltering. Eris could feel the tension in Nesta’s shoulders as she followed his gesture. Rhysand, always one to never give away his thoughts, supplied her name. Eris repeated it, the name tasting like honeyed wine in his mouth. Nesta attempted to redirect the conversation and offered Eris a dance, but the Autumn Heir ignored her. 

“Any bargains that you wish to make will be offered by her,” Eris’ voice was smooth as his eyes finally met purple. “Shall I introduce myself or will you make the introduction for me?” Rhysand turned his head towards the direction where Lucien spun her around as the two waltzed. His youngest brother’s head whipped in their direction, before he halted his dance and brought her over for a formal introduction. As expected, the female politely accepted Eris’ invitation for a dance. 

That first dance was all it took for Eris to know he didn’t want to be separated from her moving forward. Her demeanor was so different from what he had observed when he was only able to watch her from afar. He danced with only her for the remainder of the celebration and found himself completely enraptured by her. While he could tell that she wasn’t as strong a dancer as her sister, whom he caught out of the corner of his eye, it didn’t deter his conviction of only wanting to be by her side. Conversation flowed freely and easily as they danced. She was sharp witted, with a penchant for dry sarcasm. Her wry smile and her laugh ignited something deep within. 

Eris always had a drive to protect those he cared for, such as his Mother and Lucien, but the desire to keep her safe was stronger than anything he had experienced before. He couldn’t leave her in the Night Court, even if most of her time was spent in a city far safer than the one in which they danced. However, she couldn’t exactly join him in the Autumn lest he run the risk of her becoming one of Beron’s targets to keep Eris in line. For the first time in decades, Eris didn’t know what to do. 

“Is everything alright my Lord?” Her voice was filled with nothing but genuine gentle concern. His eyes refocused from their far away haze, taking in her sharp features. Features that were so indicative of the High Fae. Looking at her one would never guess that she used to be human. 

“Eris,” He corrected. “Please.” 

“Is everything alright, Eris?” Her cheeks flushed with the slightest tinge of pink. His own heart stirred at her reaction to the use of his name. Their dance had come to a halt, and he hadn’t even realized the musicians were taking a break. 

“Yes,” He cleared his throat. “Just a bit lost in thought.” She nodded her head, taking a slight step back from his hold on her waist. Eris had to refrain from the desire to pull her back towards his chest. 

“I’ve enjoyed our time together,” She took a look towards her sisters. All three were huddled against the edge of the dance floor. Nesta and Feyre’s sharp steel gazes attempted to pierce through the mask that Eris held in place. While the other, whose name he had sadly forgotten, had a glazed over look. Upon focusing, he noticed that the brown was nearly obscured by milky white. He heard the female in front of him gasp, her eyes trained on the Seer. Her head whipped back towards him, giving a slight nod.  

“I hope that we are able to count on your discretion about the Trove,” Her speech was rushed and she gathered the bottom of her skirts. “I’m certain that the High Lord will provide support to any claim you have to being the Heir.” With a quick second bow in parting she turned to rush over to her sisters. 

Before she got too far, Eris grasped her elbow and asked, “Would you come visit me? In Autumn?” She blinked at him. Almost as if she was surprised by his desire to see her again. 

“I must get to my sister,” She glanced back across the hall, at the High Lady trying to gain the attention of the Seer who was clearly lost in a vision. 

“I understand,” He released his grip and nodded solemnly. “I will write to you.” She blinked again. What he wouldn’t give to know what that beautiful mind was processing. She gave him a curt nod, before she quickly made her way across the hall. 

Eris couldn’t even last a week before sending his first letter. Again he asked if she would be interested in visiting his home court. She provided no answer or any acknowledgement of his question. Of course this didn’t deter Eris as they continued to exchange letters. With each one he would make his offer, enticing her with descriptions of celebrations and various traditions. He would tell her about his Hounds and his Mother. Yet she continued to not provide an answer to his offer. This same pattern went on for three months before Eris had enough of the tip-toeing around the subject. He was determined to get an answer, even if it was “No”. 

Eris arrived at what he assumed was Rhysand’s townhouse as the High Lord had instructed in his brief correspondence with the Autumn Heir.  He tapped the back of his knuckles on the large oak door. A few brief moments drifted by with no response. No movement could be heard from inside either. He peered his head towards the large bay window at the front, but the curtains were drawn shut. 

His heartbeat began to quicken with each passing moment as there continued to be no response. Eris was wholly unfamiliar with the city. He had no clue where to even begin looking for his mate. He was under the impression that he was at least expected by Rhysand. So why was no one here? 

Eris turned, prepared to winnow to the Hewn City in the hopes that Keir may have knowledge of where the High Lord could be, despite how unlikely that prospect was. Instead, he came face to face with an ethereal looking female. Skin and hair dark as shadows. A billowy white dress hugged her frame, yet appeared as if it was floating in a barrier of invisible water. It took him a minute to recognize her as one of Rhysand’s half wraith servants from Under the Mountain. 

“They are all at the High Lord and Lady’s home,” The female began to explain without preamble. “If you would follow me.” She turned, not bothering to ensure that the Autumn Lord followed. When the pair approached the near ostentatiously large home near the riverfront, screams could be heard from inside. If his heart hadn’t already been on the verge of an attack it surely was now. The half-wraith opened the front entrance, beckoning Eris to follow. 

No sooner as he stepped inside did his mate come surrying down the main staircase of the foyer. A pile of blood stained sheets spilling over her arms. Her eyes were rimmed in scarlet. Stepping onto the bottom landing she finally looked up, taking notice of the male. 

“Eris,” Her voice was no more than a whisper. Her lower lip wobbled, teeth sinking into it to prevent the tremble. Eris didn’t bother with formality, taking quick strides to meet her. As he reached her side, she dropped the pile of fabric and allowed her arms to encircle his waist. Her body shook with her sobs as her finger dug into his shoulders. 

“Feyre went into labor unexpectedly,” She cried into the elaborate brocade of his tunic. “The babe…his wings…” She couldn’t get her thoughts out in a coherent manner without the sobs overtaking her completely. “ They’re dying, Eris.” She wailed upon hearing her own words spoken aloud. He pulled her in tighter to his chest, his other hand gently rubbing in soothing circles along her shoulders. Eris had no words that could provide her with any sort of comfort, making him feel as if he was already failing her as her Mate. All the male could do was hold her and hope that she didn’t feel as alone in her grief if the High Lady of the Night Court somehow didn’t survive.  

Suddenly, Elain called out to her sister from the top of the staircase, “Come quick! Nesta she…” The warm brown eyes of the middle sister swam with unshed tears, a smile graced her features as well. Eris’ shoulders relaxed as the female's expression could only be an indication of good news. His mate quickly detached herself from his hold, racing back towards where the family convened. 

As soon as the two were out of sight, Eris looked around the foyer. He quickly found a small bench and sat down. He had never felt more awkward in his life. While he had developed a correspondence with this particular sister, he wasn’t exactly part of the family just yet. 

Eris sat in the hall, waiting for what felt like hours for his mate to return. Once she did, she escorted him into a large sitting room. 

“They’re going to live,” She smiled, sitting down in a chair across from him. She smoothed out her skirt, tucking in a corner that had somehow ended up with blood spatter staining the material. Eris merely hummed in acknowledgment. He didn’t know what to do with himself now that they had a moment alone like this. He had planned this elaborate greeting and proposal for her to come and visit, not giving her the room to ignore the request. However, that all went right out the proverbial window. His hands straightened the fabric of his shirt, then went to remove a non-existent strand of hair from his trousers, before finally resting on his lap. 

“You’re fidgeting,” She pointed out. Her smile grew as she suppressed a giggle. He was happy to see that her mood had lifted so quickly. It made the reason for his visit appear less strange, inappropriate even given the intensity of the events that occurred. She gently placed one of her hands over his. Her delicate fingers soothing and calming the rolling fire that he didn’t even notice had built up within himself. He allowed himself to grasp her hand in return, interlacing their digits. The sensation of fire against ice erupted throughout his being. Opposite yet still a perfect complement of powers. Eris couldn’t help but wonder what they would be able to achieve together. 

“Eris,” Her voice pulled him from his thoughts, his deep hues meeting her own cool gaze. “I’m happy to see you, but what are you doing here?” He swallowed, suddenly realizing that his actions were a bit sudden and perhaps not as well thought out as he intended. His arrival without notice to her would be unexpected. He only informed Rhysand that he needed to speak to Archeron female, but never explained why. 

“I,” He began, voice cracking. His pale features flushed and he was reminded of his younger days when his voice hovered between childhood and deeper timber of maturity. The female before him suppressed another giggle behind her unclasped hand. 

“I’m here because you consistently ignore a very specific question,” His gaze was steady, exuding what he hoped would be seen as confidence and not the uncertainty he felt. “I’ve come to ask one final time. If you say no, I will not burden you with asking ever again.” 

“Eris,” She pulled her hand away, eyes now unable to meet his own. 

“I acknowledge that Autumn is not always considered the most beautiful, what with the decay that can accompany the season in the mortal lands, so if you don’t like it-”

“Why would I not like the place where my mate lives?” Her perfect brows furrowed as she looked at him. Eris was at a loss for words. 

“When…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. However, it appeared that he didn’t need to as her response was a perfect correlation to what was on his mind.  

“Since the Winter Solstice,” She said. “When you first asked me to come visit.” It was Eris’ turn to blink in stunned silence. She had given no indication of being aware of who he was to her. Then again, he also hadn’t explicitly made their bond known. Perhaps he was wrong in thinking that his actions were obvious. 

“It’s not that I’m afraid that I won’t like it there,” She went on. “I’m actually afraid that I would not want to leave. But I simply can’t abandon my sisters.” She lowered her head, averting her gaze from the embarrassment. However, Eris understood the desire to be with her siblings. The same desire to ensure the well-being and safety of his younger brothers was one of his reasons for not abandoning the Autumn court. For enduring the cruelty of his Father for nearly 5 centuries. 

“I would never ask that you do,” He assured. “In fact, I wouldn’t want you to call the Autumn Court home just yet anyway. Not while my father still breathes.”

“I’m not afraid-”

“I am,” Eris admitted quietly. “I can’t risk anything happening to you.” He meant it, and was surprised at how easily the truth slipped from him. But it was just the two of them at this moment. He didn’t have to hide behind that mask when with her. He tucked a strand of (h/c) hair behind the perfectly pointed arch of her ear. He watched a shiver run through her as his flesh met hers. 

“There are some places where I can keep you safe,” He explained, all of his thoughts spewing forth as his mind raced to prove that he could keep her safe enough for short visits. “Places where my Father doesn’t have the loyalty of the subjects, but they are loyal to me. I have a cabin, just along the borders of Summer and Winter. Close enough for you to run across either should the need arise. I’d prefer Summer, there is a temple not far from the border where you could claim sanctuary until Rhysand or one of the brutes could get you.”

“Eris…” 

“Please,” He implored. “I do not wish to scare you away or force you to come. But I cannot stay separated from you much longer. My brother is the one with the endless amounts of patients when it truly matters.”  She laughed, the melodic and soft sound made him feel light. 

“How often can we meet?” She inquired. Her bright blue eyes lit with anticipation of when they could have their time. 

“I can secure a few days away every month,” He explained, almost more to himself than her as he considered the variety of excuses he would need to utilize. “Maybe up to a week at most. The time of month would need to vary as well. Any semblance of a pattern would tip my Father off. He’s just paranoid enough to assume that I’d be planning some type of conspiracy against him.” Of course, his Father’s fears were not without reason. Eris was indeed planning to usurp the High Lord. Someday. 

“Alright then,” She beamed. “I will come and visit. Every month so long as it is safe and as long as I am able to return to my sisters.” Eris felt the corners of his mouth lift up, and soon she mirrored the expression. His heart flipped, and he had to clear his throat to regain control of his senses. 

“Then I shall send word when everything is ready.” He stood, preparing to leave when she clasped his hand again. 

“Stay for a while Eris,” Her voice was soothing, making it feel like she wasn’t giving him a command. Even if she had, he would have gladly done anything she bid of him. He knew in that instant he would do anything for her. 

General Tag list: @loving-and-dreaming @samslulumelon

[knoxic]

How to be a High Lady?

Eris Vanserra x Mate!Reader (f)

Summary: Reader's first meeting as a HL, Rhysand makes some comments and reader chews him out, then smut🤭

wc: 2,8k

warnings: oral sex (f receiving), unprotected p in v, Rhysand slander, might be some ??shit there sorry I wrote this instead of sleeping

part 2

How they met

Her expectations for her first meeting as High Lady weren't very high, obviously there would be judgment and doubt given who her High Lord is, surely there would be some snarky remarks.

༄

Eris had spent the last couple of day trying to remind her that she deserved the title, that she was already proving herself to be a good High Lady, that their court could already see it. Perhaps him being her mate had dulled the effect his words would have on her had it been someone's.

As soon as she accepted the mating bond Eris had took it upon himself to spoil her, never wanting to see her as low as she was when they first met, it was his personal mission to make sure she knew were she belonged, and that was right beside him, sitting in her throne wearing a golden crown made specially for her. He'd never let her doubt herself ever again, for he knew what she was capable of.

"That's a little questionable, coming from you," she ran her fingers through his hair, tucking a few strands behind his pointy ear, "But thank you, you always know what to say." She had received a pout and what seemed to be the best try at puppy eyes his fierce ones could manage.

༄

The rational part of her brain knew that being High Lady wouldn't be an easy feat, never mind being one in Autumn Court, but there'd been some noticeable change already. Bakers in the village she had visited days before greeting her with smiles and free pastries, farmers thanking her for being the reason Beron was dead and now they could receive a decent salary. Somehow, they respected her.

Almost a century ago, when Eris first brought up the idea of making her High Lady, she had laughed at how absurd if was, imagine, a High Lady in Autumn? Yeah, right. But he was serious, so serious he spent the whole night stressing on it, by the time the sun had risen she had decided to at least know more about what it took to rule a court. After days of researching in any library she could find in Autum, she realized a good part of what she'd "learned" were things she already knew but hadn't really thought about, others were hard concepts that she supposed would go to Eris when they became High Lord and Lady of Autumn.

She doesn't remember how nor when she agreed, but she did.

༄

As soon as they stepped foot in Day, their hands entwined, she felt some glances being thrown her way, whispers catching her ears when she sat beside Eris. His hand squeezing hers made her lock eyes with him, those amber eyes comforting any doubts she might had been feeling before.

"Hi! I don't think we've been introduced before, I'm Viviane." She had heard things about the female, how she took care of Winter when Kallias was stuck Under the Mountain, that surely wasn't easy, if someone deserved being High Lady it was her.

Viviane sat beside her, after pleasantries were exchanged conversations just flowed, their mates watching their interaction silently. It appeared that, as usual, the Night Court would be making their dramatic appearance being late to the meeting, and as everyone waited for them, the rest of the High Lords were simply talking between themselves or watching the others interact.

"It'll be nice to have another female here, there's too many males here." Viviane giggled.

"Meetings with Autumn's advisors already give me headaches, I can only imagine your suffering." They laughed a little before the room fell utterly silent. Night Court had arrived.

"We should do this again some time soon, just us." Viviane whispered and gave her a wink before straightening up in her chair and taking Kallias hand between hers.

Now it starts. She felt Eris tense beside her but didn't say anything, knew the image he still sell, instead, she watched Rhysand and Feyre marching towards their chairs, their hands clasped together, the Shadowsinger and the Lord of Bloodshed right behind them, and in the midst of them was... Morrigan.

As Rhysand sat, his eyes locked onto mine, a smirk dancing in his lips, glancing between Eris and me I could see the thoughts running in his head.

"Oh, Eris... Is that, the precious mate of yours?" His voice in a sickly tone of amusement, "I thought you'd hide her forever." He knew the game he was playing, his words were a simple attempt to test Eris, to paint an image that he'd lock me up like Beron did to his mother.

"Whatch your tongue, Rhysand, before I burn it to ash." Eris didn't falter, his tone still cocky as ever. He took great pleasure in showing her off. "But to answer your question, yes, she is my precious mate."

She could see that Rhysand had a bitter comment on the tip of his tongue but was cut off by Helion, who asked something she did not pay attention to, violet eyes still challenging her to look away first, perhaps he was trying to test her or for him it was simply fun to intimidate others. His mate made him break the staring, Eris' hand squeezed mine as soon as he did, I looked at him and the different between his and Rhysand's eyes was outstanding. Eris looked at her as if saying 'say the word and we'll leave' as he did everytime they were in public.

The rest of the meeting went by in a blur, so far she hadn't heard anything that required her to say something, so she was quiet, until Autumn was brought into conversation and Eris let out that she was now High Lady. Rhysand had laughed, laughed as if Eris had told him a joke.

"Really, a High Lady? In Autumn?" His right eyebrow lifted, "What are you playing, Eris? Do you think your court would like you more if you pretend she's in command? Come on..."

"Why did you make Feyre a High Lady?" Eris bit back but his voice remained cocky.

"Do not bring my mate into this."

"You bring mine, I bring yours." Eris tilted his head as if taunting him. "It's a fair question, she's a child–"

"Watch your next words, Eris," Azriel spoke for the first time, "One of them might get stuck in your throat."

"Why do you care, Rhysand? Why does it matter for you if I'm High Lady or not?" Her voice was low and calculated, if she raised it then the Shadowsinger would turn to her and Eris would lose his temper.

"It doesn't matter to me. Though I must say, only a fool would believe he made you High Lady for pure reasons–"

"Don't you think I'm a High Lady because I can be a High Lady?"

"Perhaps not. What do you have of so special you think you can be one?"

"My mate is a High Lord, according to you that should be enough," she continued before he could say anything, "But unlike Feyre I didn't turn High Lady overnight. Maybe I don't have anything special, I just spent decades learning what it takes to be a High Lord, studying the behavior of one and I must say yours is controversial, as was Beron but that's another history."

"What do you mean?" Rhysand had risen from his chair by now, the Illyrians behind him seething.

"Being a High Lord– or High Lady, means you take care or your court, therefore you take care of your people. Velaris is known for being a beautiful place but what of the rest of your court? Hewn City has been in shambles for centuries and you've been High Lord for almost 500 years, what have you done in that time to help them? Rhetorical question, nothing, at least nothing that matters anyway. About the Illyrian camps, the females now are able to learn how to fight but is it even worth it if you don't even have a safe home to go? So many things are begging for help but instead of helping, you just brag about your powers."

"What do you know about my court?" She could swear the room had turned a tad darker.

"Enough to know that, in spite of your judgement, we are doing a far better job at ruling than you are."

"You dare talk about my court and now you criticize the way I rule my own court?" The room was definitely darker, and colder, her left hand felt warmer than the rest of her body, courtesy of Eris. "Who do you think you are?"

"A High Lady."

The room fell silent for a moment, maybe her choice of words was too much for someone so new at this meetings. Rhysand still glared at her with those violet eyes promising death, two other pair of eyes shined behind him, calling for her to look, she didn't look away from Rhysand until a voice spoke up.

"She has a point. A great point of view, proves you're apt for ruling and wants what's best for Autumn, it'll be nice to see such a beautiful place grow." Helion voice was soft, albeit hesitant, and he seemed honest when his lips turned into a gentle smile, which she reciprocated easily. Mornings spent trying new pastries with Eris mother had them talking about her mysterious past lover who she'd then come to learn was Day's High Lord, perhaps that was why he looked forward to seeing Autumn grow, he was looking forward to the day she'd feel free. "I also believe the meeting is over, we should all get some rest for tomorrow, you're all welcome to stay here."

Eris stood up still holding her hand, a sign for her to follow, as they started walking towards the door his hand found place in her lower back, a small demonstration of protectiveness. She'd have to reward him later for being so patient today, not letting his temper get the best of him, at least for her first meeting.

༄

"You did so good today, my love." Eris told her as soon as they walked into their bedroom, his arms finding their way around her waist, holding her from the back, his straight nose nuzzled her neck the way he knew she loved.

"You think? Maybe I said too much..."

"Why, think they'll find out? Listen," he pulled back so she could turn in his arms but still held her waist, "Let them, you'll gain their respect a way or another, Helion already likes you, he'd be delighted to have a witch as smart as you to talk to about spells, the rest will follow suit."

"You know what I meant."

"I know, you did nothing wrong, your power gave you the knowledge for a reason, you used it to tell Rhysand how he's failing his own court, if anyone should apologize is him to his own people, not you." To make a point he gave her nose a small kiss, "But... I don't think he'll do anything at all."

"Yeah... He had many chances and time to change things, and he hasn't." She leaned her body against his, his hands moved behind her back and she felt her dress loosen up, "Thank you for behaving today, I guess you deserve a reward." She pulled back to smile at him, trying to appear innocent.

"Stop that," he laughed, "I wouldn't be opposed to that, but, I think I'd rather reward you. For standing up for yourself and your court, for not being intimidated so easily, you held you own and I'm proud of you."

Eris started pressing gentle kisses on her cheek and all the way down her neck while his hands slipped to her shoulders, pulling the fabric from her body and letting if fall to the floor. Her hands made quick work to unbutton his vest, wanting to have less clothing separating them.

His hands squeezed her bottom before slipping down her thighs and pulling her up, walking towards the bed while still kissing and nipping at her neck. One of her hands found place at the back of his head while the other found his cheek, a sign for him to kiss her lips.

As he kneeled on the bed and laid her down, he leaned back to pull off his vest and linen shirt, her undergarments following right after. Their kissed turned more more heated, his hands roamed through her whole body, gripping her tightly. When they pulled back to breath, his cheeks were a bright shade of red, as they always were around her.

Instead of going back to her lips, his mouth went to her stomach, kissing and licking, going up to her breasts and down her hipbone, his hands pulling her thighs up to rest on his shoulders while his mouth made delicate work of kissing her cunt. Pressing kisses and gentle kitten licks on her clit down to her entrance, teasing it with his tongue and going back to her clit, sucking harshly and soothing it with kitten licks again. When he deemed her wet enough, his fingers joined, middle and ring finger, clad with his wedding band, thrusting slowly and curving upwards while his mouth resumed licking and sucking her clit.

His unoccupied hand, which previously remained clasped tightly around the flesh of her tight, now brushed his fingers around her stomach, lightly running his fingernails through her skin making her erupt with goosebumps, his fingers thrusting into her quickening, her walls were squeezing him and he knew she wouldn't last long. Sucking specially hard on her clit and curving his fingers how he knew she liked, she came with a whimper, thighs shaking around his shoulders, he stills his fingers as to not overwhelm her but his tongue still licked her cunt, precisely avoiding her clit.

When she calmed down he pulled his fingers back and licked her clean of her cum, careful to not go so fast, when he was done he pulled back and leaned her body on hers so they could kiss, making her taste herself on his lips. Her hands roamed the expanse of his scarred back, up to the back of his neck and down to the waistband of his trousers, which she pushed as low as she could reach, a sign he took to get rid of them.

Him standing up gave her a full view of his body, he was lean and yet full of muscles, scars here and there that didn't compare to the ones in his back. General Eris Vanserra was handsome, High Lord Eris was still handsome but he was also elegant and charming. The Eris she had when they were in the intimacy of their bedroom was beautiful, a beautiful male and even beautiful mate and husband, he was a broken male that managed to stitch himself back together and remain good and he was beautiful.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He was kneeling back on the bed, his hands caressing her legs.

"Because I love you, and you deserve to be admired, Eris." She could swear his cheeks had turned a tad darker, even his ears were tinged pink.

Eris didn't say anything back, just leaned over to capture her lips, gentle this time, slowly parting them with his own and brushing his tongue with hers, licking and sucking on the tip of her tongue. When his hips touched hers she snuck a hand down their bodies to align his cock with her entrance, he gave a few small thrusts to tease her before fully thrusting himself inside her, when they did they moaned in unison. Together they were far from the people they were moments ago, together they didn't have titles or expectations to live up to, together they could just be and they didn't even have to say anything, their movements were unhurried and their sounds were quiet, all heavy breathing and small noises.

Eris' thrusts faltered every now and then, followed by a whimper of his own, one of his hands was tangled in her hair while the other held her face gently, stroking her cheek with his thumb while they kissed. Her legs kept to his sides, caressing him in any way she could, her kept changing between holding his arms and holding his shoulder or hair.

Their bodies had a thin layer of sweat, her cunt throbbing made Eris lose his rhythm, when he found he started thrusting faster, his hand is her hair tightened and they could barely focus on kissing, their mouths just hanging open with heavy breaths and the occasional stroking of tongues was they could manage. Their moans were getting louder, his hips meeting hers harder, their bodies slipping with sweat, his forehead met hers when they tipped over the edge, groans and whimpers mingling together through the bedroom. His seed hot inside her doing wonders to soothe her want for him.

When they calmed down enough to move, Eris rolled beside her and pulled to his sweaty chest, usually they'd bathe but they were both too spent to do anything else, at least for a while.

[dee-writes-smut]

FLOWERS SERIES MAIN MASTERLIST

Eris Vanserra x Pregnant Reader

When you show up on the doorstep of The Autumn Court pregnant and in tatters, Eris can't seem to help himself and agrees to take you in. Little does he know that your unborn babe might be a little closer in relation than he would like.

Content Warnings Include: pregnancy trope, single mother, violence, abuse, fire, Beron (those who get it, get it), Tampon- sorry I mean Tamlin, death, murder.

FINISHED!

Daffodils | a, h/c (?) | Desperately in need of a new place to call home, you accidentally end up in Eris Vanserra's care. |

Forget Me Nots | a, h/c, s, f | Eris shows you his favorite place in the gardens, and in the quiet, you reflect on how you got to where you are. |

Tulips | f, h/c (slight) | Dinner with the High Lord and Lady of the Night Court was going well- if not better- than you expected… until it wasn't. |

Snapdragons | a, h/c, d, f | Eris returns from a council meeting angry and hurt. Something has to give, will it be you or your friendship? |

Dicentras | a (!!) | Lucien shows up to the Autumn Court and secrets are soon revealed. |

Lilies | a (!!!), h/c, d (?!) | Moving on from Eris is impossible, the grief you carry around is unbearable even with the help of your new (ish) friend Lucien. |

Clematises | a, d, h/c | Eris processes new revelations while in a secluded cabin, when he finally makes his choice he ends up running into his father and learning the truth about what happened after he left. |

Rhododendrons | a, f, d, h/c | Lucien has found a healer whom he knows well enough to wake in the middle of the night. After ushering you in, you start to realize with a startling clarity that your baby is in much more danger than you had originally anticipated. |

Roses | f | Eris is settling into both life as a High Lord and a new parent while also juggling the repairs needed for your relationship. Good thing he's tenacious. |

DEDICATIONS: For those loyal readers who have been with me since the start of this series.

@purple-writer8 @defnotlucienvanserra @cherry-cin @julesvanslutta @mirandasidefics @mandziaaa @lilah-asteria @littlestw01f @skylarkalchemist @babypeapoddd

LOVE THIS SERIES? Check out the spin-off COURTS SERIES with Lucien! Or you can look for more characters on my MASTERLIST <3

[seleneprince]

My girl Nesta is out there living my dream (good for her, good for her)

Crackship throuple.

A scandalous entanglement in the House of Vanserra

LoA / Nesta / Beron

The dolls that get it, get it. And if you don't, that's okay but I don't wanna hear about it

[secret-third-thing]

honestly, i was never a beron girlie, but god have you turned me into one 🥲

like i dont like him the way im in love with lucien, but.... theres potential, thats for sure 🫠

HA! Yeah I don't think most folks like him in the same way we love our favs (though if someone does, more power to them!)

But it has been incredibly fun to see other people post about Beron and then see people's reactions. Maybe one day there will be a Beron (love/hate/whatever) day and we can all coordinate. I was thinking like April 1, 2025 LMAO