#sorry about the very very late response i'm working on all the promts i promise

[six-white-venus]

you asked for inspo so here:

"loneliness, habitually looking at your side and finding an empty space, late nights, missed calls, nostalgia"

(don't ask who hurt me lol)

i dream of him every day, you know? it’s been a year and two months since the last time we talked properly. more than 10 months since i saw his face. it’s summer of 2024 and i don’t know who i am to you. hell, i don’t know what i am to me, either. but when i close my eyes, i am in highschool and our shoulders are touching and i laugh at every stupid thing he says because of course i do. and his eyes always lit up when i did. in my dreams, he says that he loves me and that he’s sorry. but here’s the catch: i always know i’m dreaming.

to dream and know you’re dreaming is the greatest curse of them all. because it’s there, it’s right there, happiness that’s cotton candy sweet melting on your tongue it’s there it’s there but you know it’s not true. because you’ve never had cotton candy before and your mom has always told you girls with rotten teeth don’t deserve sweets. because he says he loves you. because he’s smiling and it’s not crooked and he says he loves you. because you’re thinking of him with a feather-light chest and not weeping into your best friend’s arms. because he says he loves you and your teeth is not rotten.

but i wake up and don’t cry. i miss him, but i don’t cry. i don’t even remember his face right but i miss him. but i don’t cry. when i do, it's always the stupidest things that set it off.

it's 11:30pm and i should be sleeping but here i am, staring at the tears staining my pillow and telling myself, "stop. stop crying. stop. why are you crying?"

it's all so incredibly stupid.

i can't play fight with my friends anymore because i'm afraid they'll just leave. i can't be mean for shits and giggles. because what if that's the breaking point? what if someone gets bored of my clown fuckery there and decides to give up on me. what will i do with my red nose and jester's hat and bleeding smile? what will i do?

i don't know if I miss you or miss who i was before you anymore. i don't remember what it felt like, to be so sure that i am loved. because i am, i know i am! but now with that knowledge comes a creeping whisper, "what's the price you have to pay to make them stay?"

i don't know. it terrifies me.

calls pile up on my phone and i hate that sometimes i can’t even care enough to be guilty about it. my friends text me often, “are you even alive? please call me back.” and i don’t know what to tell them. i don’t know who i am. can you come over? i’m afraid i’ll forget your face. can you come over? i’m afraid you’ll forget my face. can you come over? i am so lonely. can you come over? i can’t stop dreaming and nostalgia feels like a knife to my throat and i keep twisting it in deeper and deeper and deeper and-

can you come over? i don’t know why i can’t forget your laugh. i don’t know if i can ever stop screaming.

i look at my side and find it’s empty. i look for your photos in my gallery and come up empty because i deleted the last one a week ago. but it doesn’t matter, because they all look wrong, anyway. none of them know how you smile. none of them are real. none of them know you like i do. i can’t stop dreaming. i am a liar who knows he’s a liar and the knife twists deeper and why didn’t you look back? why can’t i stop dreaming?

[neeswords]

Pairing: Adam Ruzek x Reader

Requested?: no

Word count: 2393

Authors notes: I hope you enjoy it. If you would like a personalised one please do ask! have fun reading! I have also a promt list :)

Trigger warning(s): bad language

Summary: Y/N have been partners for a while now and Adam has this new girlfriend who doesn't get along with Y/N. It causes a wedge between them.

Promt: (6) "You were suppose to be my friend. That's all... that's all I asked of you. To be my friend. To care."

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You and Adam have been partners for nearly 2 years now and it feels like everything has reached rock bottom. You were in intelligence before Adam, he joined about 6 months after you did. When he came you welcomed him straight away. You had an instant bond. You and Adam had this promise; whenever there was a bad case you would both deal with it together, you wouldn't suffer alone. And that's what you did, you leaned on each other. After a bad case you'd both go to mollys and have a beer and talk. Its what made you great partners. It comforted both of you. Just each other's presence was enough.

Adam has started dating this girl called Paige. You've met her a couple times at mollys and it is safe to she that she despises you. At first she was so sweet, she came over to you and introduced herself and was so polite. Then she saw you and Adam laughing together and from that moment she decided to not like you. You had to be okay with it. She made Adam happy and all you care about is Adams happiness. You just wish Adam would still be there for you. You missed him.

You'd just finished a very quiet shift with Adam and the team and all of you decided to head to mollys. Once you arrived Paige was already sat there waiting for Adam. You didn't want things to be awkward so you went to the other side of the bar. "Stella can I have a beer please" you smiled at her. "Coming right up" she said enthusiastically. Stella always gave off a good vibe, she just makes everyone smile. She gave you your beer and then went to talk to Severide. You were sat at the corner of the bar alone. You were tempted to leave but you didn't want people questioning why. "Detective Y/L/N I haven't seen you in a minute how are you" you looked up for your eyes to meet with Chief Bodens. You smiled " Chief hi, I'm good thank you! How have things been at 51?" You and the chief sat and had a convocation about life and work. You kept glancing over at Adam he was with the rest of the team. They loved Paige so what could you do? "Why aren't you with them?" Boden curiously asked. You didn't know how to answer so you picked up your beer and drank. Boden just looked at you. You were trying to form the words to say that you missed Adam but instead your emotions took over. Your throat got tight and you could feel the tears brimming in your eyes. You looked up, trying to make sure they wouldn't fall. You were too late they were already streaming down your face. You looked back at Boden "I'm so sorry I don't know why I'm crying, I'm just tired I promise." You said with your voice slightly breaking. Boden gave you a small smile and placed a hand around your shoulder. "51 will always be here for you. Any time. You and Ruzek are close why don't I call him over and—" "no" you quickly interrupted the chief. "I mean thank you Chief it means a lot but I'm fine really, I'm just gonna head home and sleep." You said with the best smile you could put on. The chief looked confused but he understood that you didn't want to talk "goodnight Y/L/N." He softly said.

Once you got home you lost it. You fell down against your door and just cried. You were loosing Adam. No you had lost him. You felt betrayed and alone. You had no one to talk to. Adam hasn't spoke more than 2 words to you since he met Paige. It really hurt you. You then did what you told Boden. You went to sleep.

You must have been asleep for about 2 hours when you hear a knock at your door. You put on a robe and went to the door. You reluctantly opened it to find Jay Halstead. Other than Ruzek you were close with jay. He trusted you and you trusted him. You had a great friendship. "Hey" he said softly with a little smile. "Hey" you replied whilst moving to the side so he could come in. "Is everything okay?" You asked. Jay just looked at you. "Y/N we saw you at the bar. Once you left me and Atwater went to speak to the chief he said to check in on you. I should be asking you if you're okay." You didn't answer instead you went and grabbed a glass of water. "Want one?" You asked jay. He shook his head. "Y/N/N come on talk to me. You know I'm here for you. You're family. You've been here for me since you joined. So let me be here for you" he said with a smile. "Jay nothings wrong really I just— I— er— ugh" you took another mouthful of water hoping that it would turn into vodka so you'd never have to answer. "I miss Adam" you blurted out. Jay looked at you and said " what do you mean you miss him? You saw him today" jay then looked liked he solved a case and his answer was "ohh". You looked at him puzzled. "You're jealous of Paige" Jay teased. You rolled your eyes "I am not" you immediately and defensively said ."sure" jay laughed and gave you a quick hug. "Y/N he's fooling nobody but himself if he thinks that Paige is the one for him. The whole of Chicago knows that you two are meant to be. Try talking to him. Just tell him you miss him" jay suggested. You pulled back from the hug "jay I don't like him in that way, I just miss how things used to be between us. And it doesn't help that Paige hates me" Jay burst into a fit of laughter. "Damn you are both foolish you are in loveee. And please, let Paige hate you! Name one of us who actually like her."Jay then got a call from Will asking for him to pick him up from the hospital. Once he left you decided to head back to bed.

The next morning you stopped off at a coffee shop before heading into work. Ruzek was at the door of the district waiting. You predicted that he was waiting for Voight. You went to walk straight past him when he stopped you and said "really? Not even a good morning? Wow she was right about you" Ruzek mumbled the last part but you still heard. You were confused to say the least. "Excuse me?" You turned and asked him. "What the hell is going on with you. What was last night about? You went and sat on your own you didn't even make an effort with Paige. She's getting offended by all of this nonsense you know. Then Halstead rang me last night you know." Adam then got this pissed off look on his face. "YOU REALLY HAVE TO HAVE ME ALONE AND SAD DONT YOU. YOU TELLING JAY PAIGE HATES YOU. YOU'RE THE ONE WHOS BEEN A BITCH. YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT RUDE TO PAIGE. THE MESSAGES YOU SENT HER WHERE EXTREME BUT NOW KEYING HER CAR! YOU'VE GONE TO FAR! HOW WAS I EVER CLOSE WITH YOU?!" You had never seen Adam this angry before. You had no idea what he was going on about but he clearly had no interest in listening to you. You didn't say a word, you just walked into the district. You didn't bother saying good Morning to Trudy, which is something you always do. You just walked straight up to intelligence. You didn't want to face anyone so you just went straight to the locker room. You couldn't cry, that's what started this. So you just stared at a locker. You snapped out of it and looked up to see Jay stood at the door. "Y/N I'm—" you instantly barged passed him.

You made your way to your desk and just sat down clearly in a mood. Voight then came out his office announcing that we have a case. "Ruzek and Y/L/N I want you both at the crime scene see what you can find. The rest of you talk to your CI's see what you can find. You rolled your eyes and made your way to your car. Adam got into the passenger side without saying a word. You both sat there silently. You arrived at the scene, you couldn't take it you had to say something. "Adam I don't know what you think I did but I didn't. Last night was uncalled for you're right. I should have made an effort i just— I didn't want to bother you. I was sat with Boden just having a convocation I don't know what came over me I was just tired that's the only reason I cried. But do you know what else Is uncalled for? You talking to me like that. You were suppose to be my friend. That's all... that's all I asked of you. To be my friend. To care. I don't want you to be alone and I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I'm so sorry. You said with your voice breaking. You didn't wait for Adams response you just got out the car and viewed the scene. You got what you needed and went back to the car. You faced another silent ride back.

Once you got back to the district Adam immediately got out your car. You stayed in there to have a moment alone. After about 10 minutes you got out. You went to walk past Trudy when she stopped you. "Detective a word". You went to her. She looked at you and said "are you okay?" You nodded and made your way upstairs. You had reached your limits. You didn't know what to do anymore. You felt like you had no one. Adam wasn't there you had no idea where he went.

You were going through some possible suspects when Adam comes upstairs with Paige. He had to be joking right? Jay immediately looked at you. 'Y/N you are a detective for goodness sake grow some balls and stand your ground' you thought to yourself. "Paige can I have a word please" you finally built the courage to say. "Y/N whatever you have to say ,you can say it in front of everyone." She bitchily replied. "Fine" you mumbled. You were about to loose it. "I don't know what I did to piss you off. I really don't. But I am tired of this bullshit. I've apparently been nothing but rude to you so you know what I'll live up to it. YOU ARE FULL OF NOTHING BUT BULL. SO IVE APPARENTLY KEYED YOUR CAR, BEEN RUDE TO YOU. DID I MURDER YOUR FAMILY TOO? Paige I'm tired of this tell him the truth." You said. Out of the corner of your eye you could see jay smirking. Voight was also in the room so you expected him to say something but he didn't. "I-I" was all Paige said when Adam stepped in. "Paige I brought you up here to apologise to Y/N." Paige turned to Adam with her mouth wide open. "Well go on then" was all Adam said. She flicked her hair and left. On her way out she shouted "Adam you and I are over!" Adam just smiled.

You were  still so mad at him so you left the room too. You walked into the locker room. You just sat on a bench with your head in your hands. You felt someone's presence walk in. You then felt a hand on your back. You looked up to see Adam. "I'm surprised you didn't start swinging fists out there" he joked. You weren't in the mood to laugh but you still cracked a smile. You looked at Ruzek "Adam I'm sorry, I reall—" he interrupted you by crashing his lips onto yours. You were so mad at him but you couldn't resist him. You kissed back. Your lips moved in perfect sync when eventually you pulled away. You looked at him and he still has his eyes closed. "Screw it" you mumbled. You straddled him and placed your lips back on him. You were both sat making out on a bench in the locker room. After a while you pulled away. "Adam I don't think we can go back to being friends. It's too complicated" Adam smirked "good i don't want to be your friend" he said then pecked your lips. He laughed at your puzzled face. "Your little speech to me in the car hurt me. I'm so sorry I made you feel like that. You have always been my person. You will always be my person. I have a lot of making up to do and I will but just know that I really am sorry Y/N." You smiled at him and kissed his cheek. You went to get off him when he pulled you back down and said "I don't want to be friends. I want to be more" you didn't know what to say. Luckily you didn't have to say anything because Halstead walked in. "Woah that was a quick make up erm I'm gonna—" Jay was about to leave when you stopped him "jay hold up. I'm sorry about being blunt earlier, I know you were just trying to help" you gave him a hug.

The 3 of us made our way back into the office. Atwater breaks the silence and says "so are you back to being friends now?" You looked at Ruzek and smiled. "Nope. I think we might be more than that"