#sorry 4 long post. in my defense it's almost 2AM

[sevicia]

& recently I have been realizing that I feel a lot like a robot not in the way that I am smart or emotionless or anything like that, but that I NEED to be told what to do, how to do it, all in clear instructions with little room for ambiguity when it comes to most things. I have only been able to learn things by myself by observing others and the way they behave and taking mental note of what I see most often to consider it normal so I can repeat it. Yet I still fuck up all the time and it makes me feel stupid and worthless because I just can't do what everyone else does and I don't know WHY and I get so frustrated that I want to cry and kick and scream but I can't do any of that because it's not NORMAL‼️‼️ I just wish I was like everyone else I don't even care about snuffing my "personality" out in the process because it's not like anyone cares or like I'm likeable in the first place or like I'm special in some way, there are literally SO MANY people like me‼️ And I have talked to my therapist about this very lightly because she goes "but what do you consider normal?" and I don't even know how to explain it like?? regular? functioning? not treated like a freak by everyone? not called stupid at every turn? able to do most things with minimal to no help????? HAVING COMMON SENSE?????????

it's the worst because like half the time when I fuck up I get called an idiot and the other half it's like "oh you're always so silly here let me do it for you because I don't think you're capable on your own" which I understand I do I fuck up so much that you don't want to give me another chance I just wish you could trust me!!!! I wish you could believe what I say and not doubt my judgement because you're making ME doubt MYSELF and it's messing me up even further.

it feels comforting and disturbing all at once to always be coddled/have things done for me because I am seen as uncapable. my friends + sister will hold my hand in public spaces because they don't want me to get lost and they regularly call me a baby or say that I'm innocent/harmless/too naive and idk I know their intentions are good but it still feels wrong but I don't know how to argue for the way I feel because they're right, I can barely do anything by and for myself and I don't have the guts to purposefully harm anyone even if I want to

and the fact that I feel I need to defend/have an explanation for every little thing I do is because of this, I am always being questioned on why I do the things I do and it's so stressful because I end up never doing what I really wanna cause I'm scared I won't have an explanation when I get yelled at/questioned. that quote about living a toothless life. me if I had teeth at all

[magnoliapip]

Potential Open Heart Love Interests Who Were Wasted

By now, we all understand that Pixelberry has wasted every single fragment of potential that the Open Heart series had. Frequently overshadowed by aimless plotlines and unbalanced attention toward the four love interests we had is the vast array of potential love interests the OH series could have had. This list is the top 10 (yes, 10) love interests PB wasted. This means that this list will not be discussing the wasted potential in the four love interests we were handed (Bryce, Jackie, Rafael and Ethan).

Please note that some of these (especially toward the bottom) are included more for fan service than for actual wasted potential. Also, these are all my own opinions. Please feel free to share your own! There may be spoilers below. Viewer discretion is advised!

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#10 -- Baz Mirani

Not introduced until Book 2 of the Open Heart series, Baz is the friendlier and more outgoing of the two Doctors Mirani. One of the top in his field of immunology, Baz manages to balance his intellect with an easygoing nature. A relaxed positivity that almost comes off as too much. He was never really around enough, nor did he have the right interactions with MC in the series to feel like a fully developed love interest. However, after having the options in another PB book Laws of Attraction, it might have been interesting to see how it would turn out if MC could hook up with Baz.

#9 -- June Hirata

Also not introduced until Book 2, Dr. Hirata is a ruthless force to be reckoned with. A cunning behavior psychologist and brilliant neurologist, one can never really know what to expect from June, though this is mostly because no one can tell if her actions are genuine. After MC is told how June “earned” her place on the diagnostics team, it becomes clear that she will stop at nothing to get what she wants. Honestly, the prospect of having that directed toward MC...yeah, I want it. Badly. The only reason she isn’t higher on the list is because of her social inconsistency..

#8 -- Zaid Mirani

One of two senior residents introduced to the MC in book 1, Zaid is partly responsible for managing the interns. Zaid is the more blunt of the Mirani twins and can come off as an ass. He’s also shown to have a softer side that comes out in increasing increments throughout the series culminating in a touching moment in book 3. Once more, Zaid isn’t someone the MC interacts with a whole lot throughout the books, acting more as a recurring character to pop up once or twice a book, but I think that is a crock. I wanted more Zaid and I’m sorry we didn’t get it.

#7 -- Elijah Greene

A fellow intern at Edenbrook Hospital, MC meets Elijah in book 1 along with the rest of their group of friends. Elijah quickly becomes a steadfast friend and even a roommate. Clearly a brilliant doctor with a future in research, Elijah balances this with his upbeat personality and love of science fiction and gaming. Characters like Elijah often get relegated to the realm of being a best friend and it might have been nice to see him opened up as a possible love interest. He’s fiercely loyal, as seen by his defense in book 2 at the baseball game, and is steadfastly determined to get where he wants to be. There’s a lot to be admired in Elijah, but considering PB dropped his canon love interest, Phoebe, I shouldn’t be surprised that he was never an option anyway.

#6 -- Sienna Trinh

Sienna is literally the best.

I should just end it there because anyone who has read the series knows, but for the sake of this list…Sienna is an ally of MC’s right from the moment they meet, when Sienna helps get MC out of a sticky situation. This perfectly encompasses Sienna’s character. She spends the entire series taking care of everyone but herself and being just the sweetest, kindest, most amazing baker and chinchilla mommy that exists. After what happens in book 1 and book 2 with both of her canon love interests, well, #Siennadeservesbetter. And I think her fellow dolphin would have been the perfect person for her. 

The only reason she is so far down on the list is because she does make such an incredible best friend.

#5 -- Harper Emery

The female older mentor to match Ethan. Harper would have been in a more compromised position, not just being a direct superior to MC like Ethan, but also being the Chief of Medicine for the hospital. As an admin, watching her toe the line between desire and propriety would have been just *chef’s kiss*. Instead, her role was consigned to being the family member too hard on their younger charge, projecting what she wants but can’t have onto Aurora. Now that I think about it, that last sentence makes me want it even more.

Besides, it would have been another female love interest rather than the one that we seem to get every book and a woman of color at that.

#4 -- Landry Olsen

I know what you’re thinking but just hear me out for a second and then you can eviscerate me in the comments.

Landry is a character that has me torn in more ways than one. First, I love the twist in book 1 where we see him for who he “truly is”. It was unexpected and a lovely change.

That notwithstanding, I was also deeply saddened to see yet another promising story not come to pass. See, there aren’t many characters like Landry who are so incredibly awkward but also come off as friendly. It was a lovely change of pace and it would have been amazing, just the sweetest, to see MC bring Landry out of his shell. MC could have helped Landry gain confidence to do far more than talk to the girl across the bar. Before the end of the book, he would have been having a full ass conversation with Ethan and maybe even mustering up the bravery to ask MC out. All of the pieces were there, either as platonic friend or love interest. Instead, Landry lived long enough to see himself become the villain. But my friends to lovers slowburn adoring heart will always have a piece longing for what could have been. Judge me if you will.

#3 -- Tobias Carrick

Originally introduced in book 2 to be to Ethan what Mass Kenmore is to Edenbrook, Tobias’ story takes a flip once book 3 comes around. Immediately compelling from the get go, Tobias shows a charming competitive nature sprinkled with arrogance, grey morality, and a devilish side. Tobias’ personality would either be completely in line with MC or completely against MC depending on how you tend to play the game. Both are completely valid and interesting options. Even before the infamous beet puns in book 3, Tobias made me want to know more. Tobias was the ultimate character in the Open Heart series that would have made a perfect one night stand. Alas, it seems we’ll never know more and must stick to the fantastic fanfiction writers on sites like this to sate us.

#2 -- Aurora Emery

Let me tell you, the line between #’s 1 and 2 is so thin it’s barely there. Those two are so close I almost can’t distinguish which one I wanted more. Aurora is first presented to MC and the gang as an intern who seems like she may become an antagonist of the series. As Book 1 presses on, we start to see Aurora in a whole new light. MC comes to understand why Aurora has the cold and closed off personality she does and when given the chances later in the series, Aurora opens up into almost an entirely different person as she finds herself outside of the expectations of her family.

Aurora is a brilliant doctor very nearly on the same level as MC and later seems to become a parallel to MC for what Tobias is to Ethan. Thankfully Aurora and MC’s relationship is a lot less volatile, but those brief fireworks make me really wish Aurora and MC would have officially been a thing. I feel like PB was weighing the option for a while but decided against it, much to their detriment.

However, I had to push Aurora down for one specific reason to come in the explanation for #1. And #1 is…

#1 -- Farley the Landlord

Be honest. After having Landry on this list, you thought this was a serious entry for a second, didn’t you? Just kidding!

(the real) #1 -- Kyra Santana

Kyra meets MC for the first time when Ethan dubiously introduces her to them because Kyra broke her arm in an accident. Right from the start, Kyra is an incorrigible flirt, obviously egged on by her cancer diagnosis and fear of death. Kyra has such an incredible story. Throughout books 1 and 2, Kyra is an incredible friend to MC and it breaks my heart that PB dropped her romantic storyline the way they did.

This is why Kyra edged out Aurora for #1. Going back and re-reading book 1, it’s always obvious that Kyra was meant to be a love interest. I’m not sure what stopped them from going forward with it. I’d like to think it had something to do with potential backlash for having a patient and their doctor get involved, but I think it has more to do with being a woman or a woman of color than anything else. Which is a damned shame. We stan Kyra Santana in this house and I wanted to leave with her at the end of book 2.

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So what do you all think? Do you agree with any of my placements? Vehemently disagree with others? I wrote this at 2am when I couldn’t sleep and didn’t bother to proofread before posting so you’re welcome.

Let me know below and cross your fingers for the finale of Open Heart book 3 coming later today!!

[ongly]

Please.

Shawn and his guitar are (pleasant) loud neighbors with a terrible timing.

Everyone is just out of breath and stumbling in their own words in this one, sorryyyy! It’s another draft I put some work on. I think something like this was already written before but I felt like posting it. I am considering doing a part 2 but I also liked the mystery so… I’ll leave you to it. I apologize in advance for my possible bad grammar and I promise I’ll stop with the Harry Potter references. Feedback is more than welcome! Enjoy xxx

Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

You lied back down and the bed looked bigger. You suddenly missed a hug you had never lived in, a perfume you had never smelled, a breath you had never heard and hands that had never touched you. You felt that desire of bringing in to your world a love that you can only imagine what it’s like to have.

You had given up on your presentation due to tomorrow morning a few minutes ago, when your thoughts and imagination traveled to the apartment next door. The calm rhythm these guitar strings formed, kept breaking through your mental reasoning. I have to finish it today. You kept reminding yourself whenever you heard this delicate voice singing along to the guitar’s melody. It was peaceful. It made you chill, actually. The way it softly left that person’s lips was absolutely distracting. Instead of imagining the way you were going to organize your presentation’s slides, you started to imagine how this guy’s lips folded to form the words to come out in such a beautiful way.

Again. You repeated to yourself, whenever he seemed to miss a chord. Your eyes were closed. You couldn’t get enough of it and it was killing your time to finish your work, but even when his voice faded or he got out of breath, you were just as amused as in the beginning of this apartment session.

Your phone buzzed right next to your head and you sat back down on the bed. You read a text of one of your friends. She was asking if you were still up and you frowned, looking back at your laptop, sitting on the duvet in front of your crossed legs, only to see it was almost 2am. You instantly panicked, ignoring your friend’s text, throwing the phone away on the bed and quickly moving the laptop closer to you to get back to work.

(Un)fortunately your neighbor wasn’t done with his own work. You read the same sentence for the 10th time but it was useless.

You had known about someone moving to the apartment next to you, but this had never happened before because, even when you saw a few people moving things in and out, it seemed to be empty all the time. You hadn’t moved in too long ago either. You were finishing your last year of collage with an internship your uni department provided. It was the first time you were living in the city and, although your friends loved to camp in your living room from time to time, you decided to be completely by yourself until you finished this important presentation. But it sure wasn’t working because it looked like your neighbor was here for good. Not that you didn’t appreciate these unplugged private next-door concerts but the timing for it was a bitch.

You got out of the bed and took your laptop with you to the living room. You were getting tired and your motivation was fading. You put down your laptop on the coffee table and took a deep breath. No way. Yes way. You had to go knock on his door. You hated to do these kind of things. First, you looked like shit. You surely didn’t look like you were preparing a presentation for your journalism class and if you had to come to the point and plead for your neighbor’s silence, he surely wouldn’t believe you with your big ass glasses. I’ll take the glasses off. It was worthless. You had been wearing them for too long and you could already feel the spot they were marking on your nose. Untie the hair. You were sounding desperate. He would notice if a lion was living next door, there was no need for him to fins out anoitecer it this way.

You looked down at yourself, glad you hadn’t changed into your pajamas yet. You were wearing a pair of jeans and one of your trillion HardRock t-shirts and a pair of adidas. You started to move to the door, unsure of what you were about to say. What if you’re about to tell John Mayer to shut the fuck up? The guitar swings sure had his vibe. OH! What if it is Ray LaMontagne? Wait, isn’t that guy dead? Either way, you felt bad. You kept thinking he wasn’t being too responsible for not keeping it down at that time of the night, but still, no one else in the building had come to complain so you guessed he took it as no was hearing the noise. An absolutely beauti.. okay enough.

You took your keys and left your apartment. You took a few steps towards the door next to yours, looking down as you adjusted your t-shirt, when the door opened and a boy stepped out of it. You looked up quickly, your eyes wide in surprise. You heart was jumping inside from the scare but you didn’t show it right away. His hand met his chest and he breathed out. He looked at you and smiled.

“You scared me!” He breathed. You let out an awkward chuckle and nodded.

You felt the same way but your words didn’t come out.

You noticed the door of the apartment still open and the guitar still playing.

“I’m sorry.” You finally said after taking a breath. “It’s just…” You started, not sure of how to explain, pointing at the apartment and your door.

“Hm, do you need anything?” He smiled, confused. He was holding a wallet and some keys.

You took in his tall figure. His arms were huge. He could knock you out just by blowing. He had reasonably long blonde hair and he kind of looked like that boy from the “Home Alone” movie, but not on crack. He was still smiling at you.

“It’s just…” You stuttered, looking inside the apartment again and then back at him. “I live next door and you guys…” You tried to explain through gestures, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” He instantly apologized.

“No, no, I’m sorry..” You tried to explain.

“No, we didn’t know..” He insisted, getting closer to the door.

“You’re clearly working..” You were both stumbling in your own words, trying to explain yourselves.

“No, please.” He nodded, holding his hands up, gesturing you to wait. “Let me just… Shawn!” He called out for his friend.

You slapped back your naïve self and snapped into reality recognizing his name. Holy moth.. The guy cut your thoughts and got away from the door.

“I’m so sorry, I have to go get some food, so..” He pointed out at the door where Shawn stood now. You smiled. You wanted to apologize a thousand times and run back into your apartment and hide.

What are you supposed to say now? It wasn’t John Mayer or the dead guy, it was Shawn Mendes. Of course you sang along at some point. You were too tired to realize it, otherwise you wouldn’t have come looking like fucking Moaning Mirtle with your stupid glasses that had these lens that looked like the bottom of a bottle. 

“Hi.” Shawn smiled, looking at his friend trying to get some answers. “What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry.. I was trying to explain to your friend..” You started, trying to rush this out and his friend interrupted again, trying to rush his own self.

“It’s Geoff. And I really have to go now before they close.” He smiled and started to walk out. “I’ll be right back.” He said but stopped on his tracks and looked back at you. “Should I bring you something? Do you wan..” He started.

“No, no ,no, no! Thank you!” You smiled and he nodded, turning around and rushing to the elevator.

You turn your head to find Shawn giving you that clueless puppy look. You felt nothing more than embarrassed. You felt really bad for doing this.

Somehow you new about his work and how much time he was putting into it. You were a big fan of his music but you were so busy with your work and your own little world that you didn’t even notice what, a few times somewhere in the middle of his acoustic session, you were singing along to. You tried to keep it casual.

“I’m really sorry to bother..” You started. His features changed. He looked slightly annoyed. “..as I was trying to explain, I live next door and I’m trying to finish this presentation..” He didn’t let you finish.

“Oh, I’m so sorry honey!” He nodded, one of his hands on his chest as the other moved back and forth in this hair, fingers tangling in a slow pace as he nervously tried to explain himself. “We had no idea! I’m so sorry!”

“No, it’s fine..”

“It’s not! You could have told us earlier.. we just..”

“No, it’s okay. Listen..” You started, moving your hand around trying to explain. This was both the worse and the best situation you had ever experienced so far. You smiled sweetly and you noticed his shoulders relaxing a bit. “I really hate to do this, because I was enjoying at some point..” He chuckled and then smiled as you continued to speak. “.. but I just really need five minutes of pure concentration to finish it.”

“I understand. God, I feel bad!” He chuckled nervously, covering his face with his hands and then looking back at you.

His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were red and slightly closed. He was just as beautiful as you imagined. He looked tired but the way he moved showed a contradictory amount of energy. You regretted not washing your hair for the 3rd time that day, but it simply decided for itself to be in a bad day anyway.

“I didn’t even know there was someone living next door, I’m really sorry.” His voice was calm.

“I’m a quiet neighbor.” You shyly smiled, looking down.

“Are you throwing some kind of shade at me?” He asked, laughing nervously.

“If the shoe fits, wear it.” You giggled, looking back at him and he let out a laugh.

“Oh, okay..!” He raised his hands in front of him in defense. You laughed.

He ran his fingers through his hair again, placing his other hand inside his black jeans pocket.

“No, really..” You started, your cheeks hurting from smiling. “I just need five more minutes and I promise I will never bother you again.” You excused yourself.

“It’s okay, take your time! It’s late so we should be done..” He said looking down at you as he pointed to the apartment behind him with his free hand. “I just had no idea there was someone else on our floor or else we wouldn’t do it, so I’m really sorry.” He admitted.

He did feel bad. You notice how his eyes got bigger in concern after you explained yourself. As you talked, he took in your looks. Your cheeks were flushed and he found it cute, although you looked a little tired. He felt bad and started thinking he was the one to keep you up this late, not letting you finish your work.

“I’m really sorry, hun’. I had no clue, but the studio’s power was out and we decided to come back here and improvise a little. I should have knocked on your door first.” He started.

“No it’s okay.. It really is..”

“No.” He nodded.

“It wasn’t bothering me at all and it wasn’t too loud or anything… I just started stressing out and really needed a little time.” You shrugged, innocently and he smiled. “It’s embarrassing to come he..” He cut you off.

“No! You shouldn’t feel embarrassed!” He smiled. “I’m sorry if I came out too rude, but I thought you were a fan that found out where I was and it scared me a little!” He laughed and you joined him.

“Don’t worry about that.” You smiled. “I just want to get this presentation done.. it’s getting itchy.” You giggled.

“But you have to promise you won’t tell anyone about anything you just heard!” He joined his hands, pleading.

“Oh!” You gasped. “My recorder’s still on!” You started to step back ready to walk back to your apartment.

“No, please!” He smiled, unsure of what you meant. You looked back at him and nodded, letting out a quiet laugh.

“Don’t worry.” You reassured him. “Just five minutes, please, I promise. You’re clearly working too so, I understand.” You said, looking inside the apartment once more. You found it extremely weird that so many people could fit in that living room but you only heard his voice from your apartment. You ignored it and looked back at him. “I just need to focus completely and then you can go back to your own work.” You nodded.

“Don’t worry!” He laughed. “Take your time, okay?” You nodded and walked to your door, feeling his gaze burn your back.

“Five minutes.” You gestured smiling, his cheeks were flustered as he chuckled at your insistence. “Thank you.” You politely smiled. You put the keys on the door lock and opened it.

“Wait, what’s your name?” He asked, stepping out of the door, turning himself to you.

You smiled and shrugged as you just simply forgot your own name, getting in your apartment and closing the door, leaving him biting his lip before putting on a sly smile.

part 2?