#sophie kate and lucy are chaotic drunks

[bridgertonbabe]

Bridgerton Group Chat AU - The Darkest Timeline

As a thank you to both @silverhallow and @holybatgirlz for writing hilarious pieces inspired by the Group Chat AU, I have written this entirely ludicrous and outlandishly batshit drabble for the series. This is an extremely over the top and completely far-reaching out of the realm of reality insight into what might happen in the darkest of timelines of this AU if the Bridgertons were to ever truly take a game night way way way too far.

Entirely based and inspired by this clip from Community following the events of study group's own chaotic game night:

"To Phil." Simon slurred as he raised his half-drunken bottle of vodka. "May he rest in Phil."

There was a pause as he processed what he had just said before he snorted and cackled, and then proceeded to pour out some of his vodka onto the floor by his chair.

"Simon, don't you think you've have enough?" Kate remarked with a wrinkled brow of concern as she watched her inebriated brother-in-law across from her.

"Of you." Simon instantly threw back.

Kate gasped from the offence made against her as Simon knocked back another mouthful from his bottle, all the while maintaining a pointed resentment-filled glare at her as he drank.

"Guys, I've been thinking about that night over and over." Penelope piped up. "One thing has become clear; this is the darkest most terrible timeline."

"Enough with the timeline crap, Pen!" Kate exclaimed.

Though she had endured the most amount of years faithfully attending Bridgerton game nights and knowing full well all the horrors that were bound to unravel and occur, ever since that night Penelope had well and truly cracked. She hadn't cried nor grieved nor shown any ounce of emotion since that fateful night, instead her brain had rewired itself (as a form of coping mechanism) to narrow in on the semantics of that evening as she obsessively tried to think up every alternate timeline that might have occurred had she interfered at numerous points of that night. Every time the rest of the spouses had seen her since all she had been capable of speaking of were alternative trajectories stemming from that night as well as fervently mentioning the odds and probabilities of the events playing out the way in which they infamously had.

"Phil had a heart attack and dropped down dead!" Kate hysterically reminded Penelope. "Simon's a drunk, Lucy's locked in a mental ward because her guilt drove her insane, Michael lost an arm in the fire," - she gestured to Michael sat beside her, who in turn emotionlessly (his merry persona now long gone) gestured with his only arm to where his other arm should have been - "Gareth lost his larynx because for some dumb reason he tried to destroy a flaming troll doll by eating it-"

"Clearly you don't understand anything about defeating trolls." Gareth's electrolarynx-powered voice interjected.

"Our spouses are all either dead or in prison, our children all got taken away by social services, and now the doctors have pronounced Sophie's practically brain-dead and that it's up to us whether to pull the plug on her!"

The last five remaining spouses all looked to the bed they were sitting around where Sophie lay comatose amongst a sea of tubes and wires keeping her alive, the beeping of her heart rate monitor and the machine pumping oxygen into her filling the momentary silence in the room.

"Life has gone to hell, Penelope! This is real!" Kate cried with the despairing hope of trying to get her sister-in-law to touch back in with reality. "Look at us! Look at me!"

"Kate." Michael uttered in a low voice, unable to look at her. "You put one wash-away blue streak in your hair - and I lost an arm." he stated in as tempered and controlled a voice as he could muster, as he finally turned to look her in the eye.

"Exactly." Kate nodded back at him. "Life got dark."

"And all because Michael rolled a one." Penelope said.

"Oh I love how this is all my fault somehow." Michael replied, his voice inflected with growing exasperation.

"It's mine." Penelope shook her head dismissively. "I've run through that night over and over in my head and I keep coming back to one thought; I should have caught the die and not let you roll it. That's the exact moment I've pinpointed all of the chain of events from that night stemming from. I failed to do that and we all suffered for it. But I'm going to make it all up to you."

Penelope then put down the pair of scissors she had been using and picked up the black pieces of felt she had been fixatedly working on since they had convened in Sophie's hospital room. She then distributed each of the pieces to her remaining fellow spouses, each of them receiving them with curious expressions.

"What is this?" Michael deadpanned after examining the cut out black felt piece he had just been handed.

"Of all the timelines this is clearly the darkest which is why I propose we commit to being evil." Penelope explained matter-of-factly. "I've made us all black goatees out of felt, I suggest you put them on until you're able to grow your own." she advised in all seriousness.

While Michael turned the fake goatee over in his hand, his eyes narrowing in on it with every passing second, Simon simply slipped the goatee onto the neck of his bottle before swigging from it once more.

"From now on, I am Evil Penelope." Penelope declared after putting on her fake goatee. "We are the Evil League of Bridgerton Spouses and we have but one evil goal; return somehow to the prime timeline - the one that I stopped you from rolling that die - then we destroy the good versions of ourselves and we claim our proper lives."

Kate and Michael looked at Penelope blankly before their attention was drawn to Simon whimpering across from them as he looked to Sophie's lifeless figure.

"It should have been me." Simon wept. "I should have been the one who got hit simultaneously by the firetruck and ambulance from both sides... I'm so jealous!" he cried out and waved his bottle about, spilling some of the contents over Sophie's bedding.

"Simon, don't say that!" Kate spluttered. "Everything about that night was godawful and should never have happened in the first place-"

"The darkest timeline." Penelope breathed under her breath in reiteration.

"-and there was nothing we could have done to save poor Sophie!"

"Evil Pen; as Evil Michael am I allowed to pull fewer punches with everyone?" Michael addressed his obsessive sister-in-law in a low voice brimming with a deep resentment that none of the other in-laws picked up on.

"Certainly." Penelope nodded.

"I hate you!" Michael exploded. "I hate you all! I hate the stupid fucking family we all married into! I hate your stupid sci-fi crap!" he barked at Penelope. "I hate you for standing back and letting the rest of us foolishly marry in one by one so you weren't alone being married into that wretched family of monsters!" he shot at Simon, who shrugged uncaringly and carried on necking back his vodka. "I hate your stupid fucking electrolarynx!"

"Rude." Gareth's robotic voice retorted.

"But I hate you most of fucking all!" Michael turned on Kate, much to her incredulous chagrin. "You who enabled, encouraged, and exacerbated the Bridgertons in their heinously insane competitive ways! You who were just as bad, if not even worse than some of them when it came to those stupid fucking games! You who Sophie was chasing to try and save from going back into the raging inferno when she got hit by the emergency vehicles because you were crazed enough to insist that if you counted up all your cards you could prove you had won!"

"But I did! I did win!" Kate retaliated, her maddening competitive glint returning to her sharpening gaze in spite of everything that had befallen them all.

"Sophie is on her deathbed because of you!" Michael yelled, his voice breaking with long-amounted incandescent rage.

"Well maybe if she wasn't so desperate to prevent me from proving just how badly she had lost-"

"That's it!" Michael screamed and jumped to his feet. "I can't take this anymore! I'm filing a restraining order against each and every one of you! I want nothing more to do with any of you! With any of this!"

With that Michael stormed out, flinging the door open with his one remaining arm and slamming it emphatically after him.

"Hey!" Kate leapt up, tearing the door open, and followed after him. "It's a group decision to pull the plug on Sophie - you don't get out of it that easily!" she called out as she marched after Michael's retreating footsteps.

A crash within the room then brought Penelope and Gareth's attention to where Simon had just passed out from all the alcohol he had consumed, having fallen out of his chair and into some of the machines keeping Sophie alive, his bottle crashing on impact and sending glass shards across the floor.

Gareth then turned to share a look with Penelope - and that's when she noticed that he too was wearing one of her black felt goatees. There was a shared nod of agreement as they both mutually decided on the path they were about to embark on

"Evil Pen and Evil Gareth!" they both chanted; and thus began the new Evil Chapter of their lives.

[newtonsheffield]

Honestly, I have no commitment or energy to write this BUT I found it humorous, so I'll bequeath it to you: the concept of a GIRLS ONLY Bridgerton chat - a necessary coping mechanism - but sometimes Drunk Bridgerton antics lead to massive f*ck ups - like the one time Sophie accidentally shared "HONESTLY - B IN BENEDICT STANDS FOR BOMB; THE D IS SELF EXPLANATORY" but she is so blasted on fine booze (compliments of Kate) share shared it with the FAM CHAT instead

Okay, You had to have known I couldn’t resist writing this as a ficlet, you sly dog, So I won’t apologise for writing this on my lunch break

The first time Sophie Beckett had been invited to Kate Bridgerton’s house for drinks she’d been a little apprehensive. Honestly because Kate was slightly intimidating, not that she was ever unkind, she was warm, and friendly, and she was the entire reason that had even met Benedict again so she really couldn’t complain. And Lucy Abernathy was terrifying in her own right as an heiress with more money than she knew what to do with but who worked and worked so that she felt useful. But Kate had been so kind when she’d said 

“It’s just something Lucy and I like to do! If we’re going to put up with the Bridgerton boys, We need to drink. And you’re one of us now.” She’d started to refuse, But Ben had sidled up to her and said 

“She’ll be there, Kate!” grinning with warmth at his Sister-in-law at having included his new Girlfriend in her tradition. And He’d said to Sophie on the way there “You’ll have fun! Lucy and Kate are great!” And he was right. Which is why, 3 years later they were still meeting monthly for drinks at Kate’s house following which Lucy and Sophie generally piled into the spare bedroom and slept it off.

Sophie had to admit, in hindsight that this was all Kate’s fault. She was unwilling to admit that her tolerance for alcohol had changed after having 2 children and so when she’d whipped out a bottle of vodka that Sophie was sure cost more than the apartment she’d been living in when she met Benedict, Sophie was again apprehensive. Kate had scoffed at her 

“What are you afraid is going to happen? Don’t be wimp Soph. Penelope would do it if she weren’t in Greece with Colin.” Sophie thought privately in the aftermath that truly, Kate had been right because she never would have thought this would have happened. 

A good few hours later, and Sophie could admit, she was... Well and truly plastered. Her head was fuzzy, and she could barely stand up straight, hell even her teeth felt numb. Lucy, normally so composed, seemed to be laying across Kate’s kitchen table talking quietly to herself, Kate was talking at full speed her hands flying everywhere, her drink sloshing out of her glass. 

“Someone’s phone just chimed!” Kate had said, a little loudly. moving clumsily over to check the phones lined up on the counter. “Does someone know a Gerald?! There’s a little glasses emoji next to it.” Kate said bemusedly. Lucy shot up suddenly

“Oh That’s Greg! Aren’t his glasses just... so fucking cute?!” Lucy said, slurring her words only a little, reaching her hand out for the phone, tapping away when Kate handed it to her. This caught Sophie’s interest,

“Why is he Gerald?” Lucy laughed loudly

“That’s what my Uncle calls him. He fucking hates Greg, I’m wasting my life apparently.” Sophie hummed sympathetically in response. And Lucy had said, turning to Kate 

“What do you have Anthony down as in your phone?” Kate had hummed 

“Ahhh We went classic: Father of my Children.” Lucy and Sophie cooed appreciatively “And before we were together it was just Dickhead.” Kate finished, a little primly and Sophie and Lucy hooted with laughter. And then the attention had turned back to Sophie. Lucy and Kate had their eyebrows raised expectantly at her and she’d immediately started blushing, felt her already flushed cheeks go even redder. 

“I’m going to decline to answer.” Sophie mumbled out, slurring her words. But it seemed Kate wasn’t going to let her get away with it that easily. 

“No! We showed you ours, you have to show yours! Fair’s fair Sophie!” And Sophie had to admit, the logic was sound. They’d stayed silent for several seconds before Sophie had cracked and said. 

“I can’t say it out loud, I’ll text it to the Bridgerton Wives Chat.” 

Lucy and Kate had both waited expectantly as she typed it out and Gasped when the message came through

Sophie Becket: I call him BD Bridgerton: B is for BOMBASS and the D is Self explanatory

Kate started hooting with laughter while and small smirk started on Lucy’s lips, Sophie could feel her cheeks overheating as they typed out their responses 

Kate Bridgerton: Holy Fuck Amazing Spectacular Groundbreaking Never been seen before Spectacular 😂

Lucy Abernathy-Bridgerton: Oh my god! He painted you like one of his french girls didn’t he, You sly bitch! 

Laughter filled the kitchen and they’d gone to bed soon after.

Sophie awoke the next morning with her head pounding, Lucy snoring lightly next to her, in Kate’s spare room, She looked blearily around the room and was surprised to see Kate piled in next to Lucy rather than down the hall with Anthony. Sophie could feel her phone buzzing in her pocket urgently, and shifted with a groan to see what had happened. And her heart stopped. 13 new messages in Bridgerton Family Chat and 3 missed calls. There, in bold black letters is her message to Kate and Lucy and their responses and then:

Violet Bridgerton: Ladies. You may be in the wrong chat.

Gregory Bridgerton: 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Sophie, Truly Fucking outstanding!

Eloise Crane: I woke Phillip up at 1am just to show him this. I guess we finally know what BeneDICK stands for

Daphne Basset: The D is for Disappointment isn’t it. Tragic. 

Francesca Bridgerton: Well, Well, Well. Frankly I’m just relieved it’s not Big Dick Bridgerton. 

Colin Bridgerton: Would be a little hard to tell Who she’s referring to there though Frankie 😉. Back me up Pen. 

Penelope Featherington: I will do no such thing. Bloody annoyed I missed this meeting of the Bridgerton Wives Club though!

Hyacinth Bridgerton: Appalled, shocked, truly disgusted, and Yet: Fucking Yes Sophie! Get some! 

Anthony Bridgerton: Can we end this conversation, come and pick up your wives, my children are sleeping.

Violet Bridgerton: Anthony Don’t be annoyed because your brother knows how to treat a lady! 

Anthony Bridgerton: Kate is very satisfied, Thank you!

Sophie avoided Bridgerton Family functions for several weeks, and when she returned, it was to a round of applause.