#soooo I wrote this in the last couple of hours because I had feelings about them | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

neowinestainedress · 4 months ago

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hii honey! i missed you and your long asks so much alskjs. i always feel bad when you stay up late for me but it also makes me so happy cause what do you mean you couldn’t stop reading?

don’t worry about it i really love writing this long asks cause i need you to feel appreciated because of your amazing writing i seriously mean it and i won’t stop saying it!!

being her would solve all of my problems (even for just one day, just the time to transfer the money, taylor, please)

exactlyyy like i only need a couple of hours as her so i can transfer me SOME of her money (not even half of her fortune i swear)

re-reading this now is so funny cause he really thought he was a genius for that adsjldslk

he really thought he did something 😭 and this reminded me of a saying/meme?/phrase we have in spanish that it’s the opposite of “you ate” which literally translates to “i wanted to inform you that you did not actually eat, in fact, you fasted, you starved yourself, your job was to kill it and you fixed it, you did not serve but you removed the plate” idk why but it is soo funny to me especially because the boy who created this had an argentinian accent and that makes it sound so much more funny (to me at least)

you going insane over him is such a mood 😔

no but did you see the clip from the fan meeting?? i am still losing my mind over it like he’s so insane for it….. (https://x.com/hyeokfs/status/1819689552992420004?s=46&t=pSPb58cQQjSKbyQAmjRu7w)

THIS! but also I was good, they didn’t have a last kiss

THANK GOD or i wouldn’t be alive rn

he’s such a loser and he has been since day one, i love when i write him like this

and i LOVE YOU for writing him like that

i didn’t know this song but you’re right this IS his song omg (and it’s so good)

IM BEGGING YOU you NEED to listen to taemin i swear he is so good i’ve been obsessed with him for years when i tell you he was my only kpop artist in my 2020 spotify wrapped i DO NOT play about him. (never gonna dance again pt. 2 changed my life forever)

renjun was my favorite character to write i need him as a best friend (special mention to yeri, my other evil baby)

yes they were like the best characters ever because they were super funny my #bestfriends

PART 2

“all i do is sit and think about you,” YOU GOT HIS ASS

no but you know what’s crazier? haechan actually recommended this song back in 2019 sjdhsjxjsk

WAIT but why does crazier fits them so well especially the start “I'd never gone with the wind, just let it flow, let it take me where it wants to go,'Til you opened the door And there's so much more, I'd never seen it before.I was trying to fly, but I couldn't find wings, but you came along and you changed everything” and “Baby, you showed me what living is for, I don't wanna hide anymore.”

STOP they are so cute and the fact that crazier fits them so well i love them so muchhh my comfort couple<3

the way I was tempted to put “so high school” in the playlist…

you should have!! it fits them soooo well

they truly are the perfect example of “dumb and dumber” but i loved writing them like this. it could’ve been a mess if they dragged it for too long or if I made it end up in unnecessary angst but i’m pretty sure i wrote the right amount of tension and “not knowing what we are” without making a mess.

YES your writing was perfect cause you “dragged” it long enough to be fun and interesting it was the perfect length to develop and show their relationship. And the "not knowing what we are without making a mess" part SO TRUE

he IS an icon and he IS the moment

we fawking miss you renjun 😭☹️😔😞😢💔

perhaps you could share…

you see, i kinda want him only for me… and it’s so crazy because i’ve been a fan of nct (haechan biased) since 2017 and i’ve always found him soo pretty and handsome but lately i look at him and he literally gets even more pretty everyday this is NOT fair i want him so bad

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK I NEED TO KNOW IF AT LEAST ONE PERSON GOT IT OR I’LL GO INSANE

WERE YOU HINTING #NOREN??? i could feel the tension between them….

i fear this were the war flashback from the sour universe (tbh hits different too, but i don’t know if you read that) and now you fear when you can smell the angst around the corner lmao

the other day i was kinda sad cause i found some old stuff and i reread sour and omgg why do have to be such a good writer i was about to throw up and then kill myself because of the anger and sadness and about hits different i read the first part (cause i wasn’t active here when you published the second part) so i just need to finish the review cause i started it back then but first i need to reread it cause i don’t remember too much and i think i will read it tonight so expect to see my review of the first part soon!!! (UPDATE of when i'm editing this: i already read the first part i just need to finish the review and let me tell you one thing... YOU ARE FUCKING CRZY REBS)

i killed you 5 times already 😔

that’s when you know you’re a good writer… if i don’t want to kill myself it means your story didn’t make me feel anything

does it show this is a kink of mine? (what is the non-sexual term for kink please i don’t know)

SJDHSJXSJ YOU’RE SO REAL BECAUSE I LITERALLY LOVE THAT TOO (i don’t know how to call it maybe a liking??)

THANK GOD THEY’RE A CONSTAST STAR IN EACH OTHER’S HEART THO

OMG YES YOU’RE SO RIGHT

I’m happy you liked this cause i wasn’t sure of putting this part til like the day before i posted it jajsoasioa i know people don’t usually go crazy for this but i HAD TO make a call back to what inspired this story.

no because i always love when you include lyrics of the songs that inspired the story like in sour but i wasn’t expecting it here so this surprised me and i loved it!!! you made the correct decision

right? when they’re not at each other’s throat they work too well to not be an iconic duo, the music industry needs them. i also love the idea of that being the time where they can be more competitive, you know? i don’t know why i didn’t write that but she still writes songs so you can imagine their writing sessions didn’t change much.

i think the idea of them not losing their competitive side is so important and cute to see cause that’s how they were and how they met and how their story started so them still competing in a healthy and fun way is such a smart and lovely thing to keep!

YOU COULD’VE WAITED FOR THE REVIEW NOW I FEEL SO BAD �� but you know i love your comments they make me so, so happy so a bigger thank you for writing all of this when you should’ve been asleep!

noo don’t worry about it i really mean it when i say i enjoy your stories they make me feel so many things and they are super fun so they are definitely worth to stay until late🩷

honey thank YOU for sending that to me. i always wanted to write an academic rivals to lovers and you gave me the chance to write this. and i’m happy you’re happy with how i wrote it cause even if it wasn’t a request i’m always so nervous about everything i write lol. yeah adding angst would’ve been useless and i love adding angst but this time just wasn’t right. i really loved writing this so reading all of this makes me SOOOO happy i genuinely can’t explain it (if it makes you feel better i also think about all of them a lot, i hope renjun and jeno didn’t kill each other yet)

omg i also love the academics to rivals to lovers (i love the enemies to lovers trope so anything similar/related i will eat it up). nono and i can’t say it enough but i really do love your writing every time i see a new update from you i get soooo happy!!! also pray for jeno 😔🙏🏼

tbh i don’t have many good news unfortunately BUT i saw taylor live twice!!! this is literally the only highlight of my year lol because i haven’t been very lucky when it comes to work (i basically only work for free every now and then for “experience” so yeah 💀) or my love life. what about you?

oh noo :( wishing things to get better for you for the second half of the year<3 and omgg two times i’m so happy for you!!! i also saw taylor last year but i had to travel to argentina (i don’t remember if i had said it before but i’m from chile) i had SO much fun i was truly happy to see her finally after waiting for more than 12 years and honestly my show was the best one (at that time) since she sang a remix for the first time (is it over now + out of the woods) and also travis was there so she changed the lyrics to karma is the guy on the chiefs coming straight home to me. the screams for that part were INSANE and i loved every second of the concert i miss her so bad and i wish she would come to chile too:(

and about my life… here’s a little summary:

i broke up with the guy i told you about (cause i liked him but not as much as he liked me so i felt like it was unfair for him)

my thesis traumatized me so bad cause my guide teacher left me ALONE i asked him to reunite several times and he never replied so i literally did it all by myself without any revision until i finished it

i defended my thesis so i officially graduated back in february

in january i sprained my ankle SO bad that i couldn’t walk for almost two months so i spent my birthday in bed and i had to defend my thesis sitting sjdjsk

i no longer have a best friend. in fact, today is her birthday and i decided that i would wish her a happy birthday and it will also be the last time she hears from me so i’ve been kinda bummed because of that (since last year actually but that’s a long story…)

i’m going to the dream show 3 in 30 more days so i’m so excited since i bought vip + soundcheck!!

i never stopped working at the place i did my last internship so they hired me but they’re underpaying me (they’re paying me about €590… so yeah that also has me a little bit sad? tired? bored?) but i know it is my first job and lots of my friend haven’t even found a job since we graduated but idk i think it's too little for the amount of work and do + one girl who doesn't know anything earns more than twice than me just because she's friends with our superior

since i have a job i will have to call in sick the day before the dream concert so guess they’ll pay me even less this month because i will miss 3 days 😭

i’m going to see a.c.e and i bought a fan sign so i’m also super excited about that (but not my wallet rip) !!!

my graduation ceremony is in two more weeks so i’m also happy about it since i'm graduating with honors and my outfit is arriving tomorrow (and i bought the sabrina shoes? the ankle ones so pray that i don’t trip and embarrass myself)

and i think that’s all about my life sorry for the tmi about everything 😭

it’s alright i loved the ones you wrote here. also i might have to hire you for the future fics cause you think of so many good and fitting songs, they’re always perfect. sometimes i struggle and i always end up with the same ones

haha is my very useless talent but i get you sometimes i end up thinking of the same one the whole time i read a story

also while i was reading your answer i realized i had so many grammar mistakes that’s so embarrassing i should not write english texts when it’s so late and i’m sleepy so i apologize for that (it is literally 2:50 am right now) 😭

and i thinks that’s all for now, have an amazing week rebs, ily, read you very soon (as i said, by the time i edited this i already finished reading hits different part one and i'm sorry in advance...)🩷

and i will never stop thanking you!!

exactlyyy like i only need a couple of hours as her so i can transfer me SOME of her money (not even half of her fortune i swear)

no for real, i don’t need much, she probably won’t even notice something is gone

I FOUND THE VIDEO AND I’M SCREAMING i will start using this from now on

no but did you see the clip from the fan meeting?? i am still losing my mind over it like he’s so insane for it….. (https://x.com/hyeokfs/status/1819689552992420004?s=46&t=pSPb58cQQjSKbyQAmjRu7w)

he looked unreal every video that would pop up in my tl would make me want to jump off a cliff

and i LOVE YOU for writing him like that

we came a long way from sour!haechan!!! (i still remember when someone asked me if i would ever write him "not like an asshole" lmaoooo)

taemin’s like that one idol i don’t stan but love, yk? i know some of his songs, and i know he’s such a good performer but i never really got into his music. i will listen to it then!!!

PART 2

no but you know what’s crazier? haechan actually recommended this song back in 2019 sjdhsjxjsk

I DIDN’T REMEMBER IT OMG SMALSKAL

STOP they are so cute and the fact that crazier fits them so well i love them so muchhh my comfort couple<3

they really are... i will miss them a lot

the way I was tempted to put “so high school” in the playlist… you should have!! it fits them soooo well

i feel like i already put too much taylor swift everywhere, i don’t know for how long nctzens can tolerate this

this makes me happy cause these dynamics are always tricky to write so i’m glad i didn’t make a mess

we fawking miss you renjun 😭☹️😔😞😢💔

i hope he’s doing okay and i wish the worst suffering on everyone who caused him pain

no but fr he gets prettier each day, what does he drink and eat and he doesn’t even sleep or rest how is this fair

WERE YOU HINTING #NOREN??? i could feel the tension between them….

YES I WAS AJKSIOSA my babies

i’m honestly surprised i didn’t receive death threats in the asks after the sour series cause NOBODY was happy about anything in that story lmao. the second part was a mess cause tumblr sabotaged the post lmao you probably wouldn’t have seen it anyway. WHY AT NIGHT OMG STOPPPPP i don’t care you love my stories so much GET YOUR WELL DESERVED SLEEP (oh okay i hope you didn’t stay up to finish the review...)

that’s when you know you’re a good writer… if i don’t want to kill myself it means your story didn’t make me feel anything

right, i like this point of view

SJDHSJXSJ YOU’RE SO REAL BECAUSE I LITERALLY LOVE THAT TOO (i don’t know how to call it maybe a liking??)

i thought about and i think it’s probably just a soft spot, right? well i love that shit if somebody doesn’t do it for me RIGHT NOW i will die

i ate and left no crumbs (unlike donghyuck)

as a lover of this trope, i hate when they just stop, when it’s enemies to lovers it makes a bit more sense but if they have a certain personality and ARE competitive that’s not going to go away babe, just make it healthy and you’re done.

noo don’t worry about it i really mean it when i say i enjoy your stories they make me feel so many things and they are super fun so they are definitely worth to stay until late🩷

crying, shaking, throwing up, i love you

iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

thank you, i hope that too! yeah you told me you’re from chile! same, the last time she came here was 13 years ago and this was my first time so i was so happy. i also was so lucky cause the second date she wore my favorite outfits and i was on the floor so i could see her from up close. i got “the one x wonderland” and “I almost do x the moment I knew” and then “red x mr perfectly fine” and “getaway car x out of the woods” (can’t believe we’re somehow twins of a surprise song, this is such a nice coincidence). i hope that for you, but i feel that she saw how many international fans there are and how much we love her so i feel she will add more cities next time!

i broke up with the guy i told you about (cause i liked him but not as much as he liked me so i felt like it was unfair for him)

yeah i remember about him. tbh it’s better this way, you were honest and that’s all that matters

omg not us being twins even in this cause mine did that same!! love to see it (i hope they both choke). also i don’t know how it works there but here they get paid for it, i had to pay a tax of 600€ just to do everything on my own. but you did it! i’m so so happy for you!!! what did you graduate into? (if you want to tell me ofc)

in january i sprained my ankle SO bad that i couldn’t walk for almost two months so i spent my birthday in bed and i had to defend my thesis sitting sjdjsk

omg how did you do it? are you alright now or do you still have check-ups to do?

were you friends for a long time? friendship break-ups are the worst, i’ve been there a few times, so i can imagine how you feel. did she reply? (if you want to rant, I’m here)

i’m going to the dream show 3 in 30 more days so i’m so excited since i bought vip + soundcheck!!

IF YOU DON’T COME HERE AND TELL ME EVERYTHING I WILL HAUNT YOU DOWN!!! LIKE VIP AND SOUNDCHEK!!! LET’S GO (but also, if i didn’t miss new updates, renjun won’t be there, right? why can’t you never see the 7 of them?😭😭😭)

i hate this world so much, 590 is nothing, like you can’t survive on your own. and the fact that you work more and get paid less than someone who doesn’t know how to do her job drives me insane. i hope you can find something better soon or that at least they raise your pay

since i have a job i will have to call in sick the day before the dream concert so guess they’ll pay me even less this month because i will miss 3 days 😭

it’s worth it, this time it’s worth everything. fuck the job (your wallet doesn’t agree but i don’t care rn)

i’m going to see a.c.e and i bought a fan sign so i’m also super excited about that (but not my wallet rip) !!!

YAS! you’re living your best life i’m so happy for you (i don’t know anything about them but if you want to and let me know how it was, i would love to know)

i’m sure you’ll be the pretties. did you buy a dress? (i don’t think i know what you’re talking about, i’m picturing sabrina carpenter but i don’t think i’m right…)

and i think that’s all about my life sorry for the tmi about everything 😭

nooo don’t apologize i love reading everything!!!

haha is my very useless talent but i get you sometimes i end up thinking of the same one the whole time i read a story

very useful to me actually. but also, right? like when a song gets stuck i just keep thinking about that and i can’t think of anything else for that story i hate it

i’m replying now that it’s afternoon and i’m sure there are just as many mistakes, but we have an excuse for this so it’s fine!

i always reply in the weekend i hate it here, i’m sorry if i make you wait. i will read the hits different one, not sure if i’ll reply later or tomorrow but i can’t wait!!! have a good week too!

#anon answered #💌 anon #fic: wave

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sweetpolyamoris · 7 years ago

Text

Promises

Part Four to Apologies (Part One), Revelations (Part Two), Complications (Part Three), and Confessions (Part Six).

The Sweet Amoris High cafeteria was swarming with people. There were days that Calemar felt like she and her friends were the only students at the school (maybe most people just attended their classes instead of wandering the halls), but today was a reminder that there was more to the place than just Calemar’s narrow perception of it.

As soon as she entered the cafeteria, she was assaulted with sound. Countless voices blended together into an unintelligible roar. Chairs scraped against the floor as people attempted to make room for their friends at overcrowded tables. A discordant melody drifted across the room from a horribly out-of-tune guitar. With the line to get food almost reaching the doors, this was very close to what Calemar imagined hell was like.

No, that wasn’t quite true. Hell was doing something stupid, like kissing your best friend and jeopardizing the only good thing in your life, and then spending the entire weekend failing to come up with a way to repair the damage you’d done. Hell was ignoring all the texts he sent you out of pure cowardice, lying awake at night torturing yourself with the question: Do I want him because I really like him, or because he’s the closest I can get to what I really want? Hell was coming to school and knowing there would be no way to avoid him, and hating yourself for wanting to avoid him in the first place.

But the cafeteria came pretty close.

“You look like you’re going to be sick.”

Calemar looked over at Alexy, who’d taken her by the arm after history class and insisted they have lunch together. Calemar had had no desire for food then, and her complete lack of appetite only intensified as she looked around the cafeteria.

“It’s loud,” she said. Her heart dropped down into her stomach as her gaze swept over Castiel and Lysander at a table near the back of the room. They never ate lunch in the cafeteria. Surely this was some sick joke that God had orchestrated, a way to taunt her for her heart’s fickle nature.

“Do you have a headache?” Alexy asked, looking her over with concern.

“Something like that,” she replied. “Honestly, I don’t feel much like eating.”

He frowned. “You don’t feel like much of anything today. This morning I told you I got the new Orbital album and your exact response was, ‘Mm-hmm.’”

She didn’t remember Alexy mentioning anything about new music this morning, but that was probably because she’d been glued to her cellphone, waiting for a new text from Armin and reading through the ones from Sunday when it never came.

6:30 pm: Hey. You said we would talk about things later. Is it later yet?

8:12 pm: Whatever happened, we can figure it out. Just talk to me. Please.

9:25 pm: This is my fault. I was stupid and inconsiderate, and you deserve better. If you want to pretend it never happened, then that’s what we’ll do. I don’t want to lose your friendship.

11:48 pm: Calemar. I’m so sorry.

2:37 am: I’m sorry. I’ll stop texting you.

The texts were burned into her mind due to the sheer amount of times she’d read them. In spite of herself, she dug into her pocket and pulled out her cellphone. A push of the home button showed no new messages. She couldn’t decide if she was disappointed or relieved.

“Calemar. What’s wrong?”

She glanced up at Alexy, and couldn’t stand the worried look on his face. “Nothing.”

“Look,” he said, the worry shifting into what almost looked like irritation. “You don’t have to tell me, but at least don’t lie to me. I got enough of that from Armin this weekend.”

Calemar’s chest tightened. “What do you mean?”

“He was acting the same way you’re acting today, except about ten times worse. He barely spoke all weekend, and the face he got when he thought my parents and I weren’t looking… Total zombie. I kept asking him what was wrong, but he ignored me and played his Final Fantasy game all night. Mind you, this is the game he said he was getting tired of on Friday.”

If she’d looked sick before, it was nothing compared to how she looked now.

“Something happened with you two, didn’t it?”

Shit. She wanted more than anything to deny it, but she knew lying to Alexy would only make her feel worse. She wasn’t sure she could handle any worse.

Alexy put a hand on her shoulder. “It can’t have been so terrible that you can’t talk to me about it. Just let me listen. Maybe I can help!”

Calemar shook her head. “You can’t.”

Alexy’s eyes widened as he took a step back, as though she’d pushed him away with her arms instead of her words. The response pained her. “Not if you don’t even let me try.”

What could she say? I kissed your brother and I think I might like him, but I know I love Castiel, and those feelings aren’t going away, but I can’t stop thinking about Armin, and I don’t know if I want to kiss him or if I just want to kiss someone so that I can forget the things that are making me miserable, and I know this isn’t fair to Armin but I felt something and I don’t know what to do about it.

“I’m sorry,” she said instead. “I know this is shitty, but I am literally this close to losing my mind, and I’m going to need at least a day to wallow in this before I’m ready to talk to anyone about it. Even my best friend.”

For a moment, Alexy only stared at her. “Okay,” he said, his voice tinged with frustration. “But whatever’s happening, it’s not going to get better until you face it. Both of you.”

Calemar nodded. “I… I need some air. I’ll see you in Art?”

To her surprise, he pulled her into a tight embrace. She buried her face into his shoulder and tried to absorb the comfort he brought her. But as soon as he let go, the warmth vanished and she was right back where she’d started.

“See you in Art.” Alexy turned and entered the cafeteria line.

Calemar headed for the courtyard. She had a specific destination in mind: her favorite tree, the tall one behind the benches, with leaves that let the perfect amount of light break through and warm the grass underneath it. It was her thinking tree, the one place where she might actually be able to sit and sort through the mess she’d made of everything. But when she exited the main building and looked past the benches, someone had already taken her spot.

Armin was sitting up against the trunk, his backpack tossed aside and spilling out chewed pens and unfinished assignments. His gaze was fixed on his lap, where he was mashing the buttons on his DS in a rather furious manner.

Calemar’s first instinct was to run over and throw herself down beside him. She wanted to complain about the awful day she’d been having, poke him until he finally put his game down and paid attention to her. She wanted him to offer her ridiculous advice, wanted to laugh with him until her sides hurt, wanted it all so badly that it took everything in her not to break down right there in the courtyard.

She had ruined everything. Armin had said it was his fault, but nothing was further from the truth. If she could have, she would’ve taken it all back. The kiss, the conversation, the irrational desire that she’d repressed for months. She would go back to the time where the feelings they had for each other remained unsaid, where she couldn’t hurt him any more than she already was. Because here, where they were now, all she could do was hurt him more.

The question was, what was worse? Avoiding him until his absence ate her from the inside out, or talking to him and potentially destroying any chance at friendship they had left?

Whatever choice she might have made got taken away from her as Armin’s eyes drifted up from his video game and landed on her. She froze. It was like she was in kindergarten again, when she’d believed a t-rex couldn’t see you if you stopped moving. But Armin could see her. There was tension in his jaw, and his face was even paler than usual.

She had to say something. Anything to make him stop looking at her like that. “Hey.”

He swallowed. “Hey.”

Her hands went up to her backpack straps, and she gripped them for some sense of support. “You’re outside.”

“I am,” he said, glancing around the courtyard. “I guess I felt like I needed to be out here.”

Considering he hated being outside, Calemar could only imagine why he’d decided to subject himself to a lunch without air conditioning and sufficient shade. Now that she was looking, though, she saw that he didn’t have any food with him at all.

“You don’t think you should be in the cafeteria?” she said, taking a hesitant step toward him. “Everyone and their mother is in there today.”

He shrugged. “I’m not really hungry.”

“Yeah. Me neither.”

A loud and sad tune sounded from Armin’s DS. He glanced down at it, cursed under his breath, and tossed the game into the grass beside him. “I have no idea when I last saved,” he mumbled. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“Nothing,” Calemar said, her voice faltering at the end of the word.

Armin’s gaze shot back up to her. The look in his eyes brought her back almost a month, to that night she had shown up at his house and told him she’d been dumped. He’d been taken over by a seriousness she hadn’t known he was capable of, and it was there now, in the stiffness of his shoulders and the hard line of his mouth.

“Calemar.”

“I’m not ready,” she said.

He grimaced. “Will you ever be ready?”

She took in a slow breath and shook her head. “I guess not.”

He nodded, taking his beanie off his head and wringing it in his hands. “I’m not going to make you talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“But we have to, don’t we?” She made herself take another step toward him. “We have to, or we’ll never come back from it.”

His gaze hardened. “I would never let that happen.”

Calemar’s heart jumped in her chest, and her feet carried her the rest of the way to him. She dropped down at his side, not close enough to touch him, but close enough that she could almost pretend that things were normal. That she wasn’t afraid of what his touch would make her feel.

A little gasp escaped his mouth at her sudden nearness, and she tried to ignore how much that exhilarated her. “I don’t know how to do this,” she said. “How to start… What to say…”

He turned his whole body toward her. “Then let me start. I’ve wanted to talk to you for days, and if this is the last chance I get to say what I need to say, then I want to take it.”

“Armin, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Please, Calemar. I promise, we can do whatever you think is best after. I just… I need to be honest with you. Just this once.”

Honesty had never terrified her as much as it did in that moment. She brought her knees up to her chest so she could hug her legs, and then set her gaze firmly on the school building. Maybe it would help not to look at him. “Okay.”

There were a few seconds of silence, seconds of absolute torture, and then he spoke.

“I like you. I’ve liked you since the moment I met you. At first, it wasn’t anything serious, just coming to a new school and meeting a pretty girl. But then I started hanging out with you, and the more I got to know you, the stronger I felt about you.

“When you started dating Castiel, it drove me crazy. And it wasn’t just because I was jealous. It was because we made so much sense. My mind couldn’t wrap itself around not being with you, because there were so many moments where it felt like I was. All the late night game sessions, the inside jokes that no one else would ever find funny, the crazy situations we got into because we both lack the ability to mind our own business. We fit together.”

Calemar couldn’t look away from him any longer. She brought her gaze to his, and squeezed her legs tighter once she saw the earnestness in his eyes.

“And the things that we don’t have in common only make me like you more. You’re an artist; your photos, your music, I can never keep up with it, but I love everything you make. And you’re so damn righteous. If you even hear about something wrong happening, you can’t ever look the other way. You’ll do anything to make it right, even if it has nothing to do with you. You don’t understand how much I admire that.”

“But you’re like that too,” she blurted out. “What happened with Iris…”

Armin sighed. “Yeah, I helped. But it wasn’t just for her. I mean, obviously I cared about what was happening to her, but I’d be lying if I said the fun of sneaking around and hacking accounts had nothing to do with it. Add the fact that I got to be alone with you, and it’s pretty clear that my motives were far from noble.

“But that’s the thing,” he said, reaching out and brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “You make me want to change. You make me want to be better, Calemar. Since I met you, I have more friends, I’m starting to almost care about school. Jesus, I’m even sitting outside on my lunch break!”

Calemar couldn’t help but laugh at that. Armin’s face lit up, and she’d been so afraid she’d never see that expression again that the sight of it now brought tears to her eyes.

“Being around you makes me feel like I can do anything. Like I can be the person I’m supposed to be. I know that sounds unbelievably corny–”

“It doesn’t,” she said.

Armin bit down on his lip. The brightness slowly left his eyes, leaving Calemar feeling uneasy. “I… I said I like you, but it’s more than that. You are so much more than just a friend to me. But if that’s all you want… a friend… I can be that. I can’t promise my feelings for you will go away, because I honestly don’t think they will. But I can hide them again, if that’s what you want.”

A weight settled on her shoulders, one so heavy she felt like she would collapse under it. She couldn’t claim to know what she wanted, but she knew in her heart that she didn’t want what Armin was suggesting. The very thought of making him hide a part of himself from her made her feel sick. She couldn’t ask him to do that. She didn’t want him to do that.

“You are so important to me,” she said. “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t be yourself around me. You’re my best friend, and I–”

Armin’s hand found hers, sending a chill through her whole body. “Tell me you don’t feel the way that I do. There’s this small part of me that’s still hoping I might have a chance, but I think if you just tell me that I don’t, I might be able to stop making this worse.”

“You’re not making this worse,” she said, squeezing his hand in exasperation. “Just harder. Impossibly harder.”

“It’s not hard, Calemar. It’s just words. ‘I don’t feel that way about you.’ It’ll be like ripping off a band-aid.”

“Except it’d be pointless.”

Armin’s brow furrowed. “Why?”

She let out a long breath. She had no idea what she was about to do, but she couldn’t stop it. Lying to herself for so long had left her exhausted, sapped her of all the strength it took to keep her feelings locked away. “Because I wouldn’t mean it.”

Armin’s grip on her hand tightened. He leaned closer, making her entire body tense. “Tell me.”

“Tell you what?” she said breathlessly.

“What you feel for me.”

She swallowed hard. “I… I’m still trying to make sense of it. All I know is that all weekend, I kept imagining my life without you in it, and the very thought of it terrified me. So I tried to make myself believe that it was just because you were my closest friend. Everything would be easier then; I could just tell you I wanted to stay friends, and if I were lucky you’d be okay with that. But as much as I tried to convince myself, it didn’t work because I… I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing you.”

Armin let her hand go. At first, Calemar worried that she’d said something wrong, but then he took her face in his hands. “You’re worried about hurting me, but I don’t care. I know you still have feelings for Castiel, and I know they might be stronger than the ones you have for me.”

“Don’t say that,” she said, trying to keep her gaze on his, but it proved difficult with how close his mouth was to hers.

“At the very least, they make more sense. But it doesn’t matter. If you feel even an ounce of what I feel for you, then I’m going to fight for that.”

“Armin, I… I can’t promise you anything. I want to, but–”

“I don’t want promises. I want you, however I can have you. Maybe that’s stupid, but I am past the point of caring anymore.”

She brought her hands up so that they rested against his chest. How had she not noticed how badly they were shaking? “I don’t deserve you,” she said, and it was probably the truest statement she had made all afternoon.

“Yeah, well, unfortunately for you, you’re stuck with me anyway.” He smiled then, an almost smirk that filled her entire body with warmth.

“So what is this?” she asked. “Us?”

“We don’t have to decide yet,” he said, brushing her cheek with his thumb. “And once we’re ready to decide, it can be whatever you want it to be.” A mischievous look flashed in his eyes. “Although I am going to request that it involves making out.”

Calemar shoved him away. “Armin!”

For a moment he looked nervous, but when he saw the slow grin that was spreading on her face, he reached out for her again. “You said I could be honest with you!”

“Yes, to an extent.”

“Listen, I could have said a lot worse.” He took her by the waist and pulled her back to him. “I’m really reigning myself in right now.”

“You sure about that?” She finally allowed herself to look at his mouth. It was a lot prettier than she’d ever permitted herself to think, a perfect cupid’s bow.

“I’m absolutely sure,” he said, his voice falling to a whisper. “Are you?”

He wasn’t calling into question her confidence in his self-restraint; Calemar knew that. He was asking her if she was sure about what they were doing. Maybe she wasn’t certain about this tenuous relationship they were forming. But she was sure about him. Surer than she’d ever been about anyone else.

“Yes,” she said.

The tension left his shoulders, and a smile played along his lips. “Good,” he said, closing the distance between them and bringing his mouth to hers.

#my writing #calemar x armin #mcl armin #soooo I wrote this in the last couple of hours because I had feelings about them #this is the WORST soap opera bullshit but I love it #and now I can start working chronologically again #and do part 6?#wow #this shit is long

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geralt-of-baevia · 5 years ago

Text

Happenstance

Summary: Henry is about to go to bed one night when he suddenly gets a text from a random number he doesn’t know. What happens when you accidentally text the star actor of The Witcher? Memes apparently. Lots and lots of memes.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC (Lizzy Moore)

Word count: 1.3K

Warnings: None...yet! Just some fluffy flirting. Well okay and lots of mention of his crotch? 😬😘

A/N: So I’ve had this idea bouncing around in my brain for a LONG time and finally pulled the trigger and wrote it! It’s in texting format, and I hope you like it! This is my first time posting fan fiction on here so I’m nervous and excited!

Beta: Thank you to @avengeful-bunny for being my AMAZING beta. I don’t know what I would do without you. 💛💛💛

Tagging: I’m going to tag all those whose work has inspired me to write and post my work! Much love to ALL of you! @littlefreya @dancingwendigo @mary-ann84 @yespolkadotkitty @viking-raider @cavillhoney

Part 1: Oops.

(405:) God, girl. You will not BELIEVE the day I had. I'm pretty sure I lost a pint of blood today from how many times I stabbed myself sewing.

(405:)

(Henry:) You should probably get a thimble for that.

(Henry:) Also, I do believe you have the wrong number. Considering you started the text off with 'girl' and I am quite the opposite. But even so, please spill the tea. I’m dying to know about this UNBELIEVABLE day you’ve had.

(Henry:)

(405:) Oh my god, MR. CAVILL I AM soooo SO SO SORRY. I must have accidentally clicked on your name and not my friend's name.

(405:) I feel really awkward having your number when you don’t have mine. Do you want me to delete it? Just to make sure this doesn’t happen again? Also so some random crew member doesn’t have your number?

(Henry:) Oh god, please call me Henry. There’s no need for such formalities. And it’s fine, there’s no need to delete it. Since you mentioned crew and sewing, I'm assuming you work for the costuming department?

(Henry:) Also, I have your number now, don't I? :P

(405:) By it’s fine do you mean this kind of fine?

(405:)

(Henry:) Oh no, it’s LITERALLY fine. I promise.

(Henry:)

(405:) But to answer your question, yes! I work for the costuming department. I’m newer, so I get to do the usual stuff. Mostly just lots of mending at the moment. And JUST TO BE CLEAR, I won't do anything to abuse this number since you're Henry Cavill.

(405:) And you’re Henry Cavill. Also you are my co-worker, my I’m assuming super rich, god tier co-worker that I’m not supposed to make eye contact with nevermind TEXT.

(Henry:)

(Henry:) But yes, my name is Henry. Please keep my number, we’re coworkers after all, it’s normal for coworkers to have each other’s numbers. Have we met on set before?

(405:) We have once or twice, just in passing mostly. Once I brought you clothes to your trailer.

(Henry:) Are you the one with the brown and pink hair?

(405:) That's me. :)

(Henry:) Don't tell me your name, I know what it is.

(405:) Are you sure about that? You don't seem too confident :P

(Henry:) I know it starts with an E. Is it Eloise? Eleanor? I know it was something old fashioned, too.

(405:) Man, you're so close. I mean, kind of. Think of historical dead English queens. Like, for example you were best friends with her dad. You were a fancy Duke who was good with the sword and ladies. Also, I’m sorry, aren’t you supposed to be a big nerd?

(Henry:) ELIZABETH!

(Henry:) And I am a HUGE nerd thank you very much.

(Elizabeth:) Yes, that's my name haha. Also, whoa whoa, settle down there cowboy.

(Elizabeth:) And it’s just Lizzy, with a Y. The thought of spelling it with an IE makes me cringe.

(Lizzy:)

(Henry:) Pretty much everyone? Who doesn't call you Lizzy?

(Lizzy:) My dad, my grandma, my teachers, my victims, my doctor, the one girl in high school who hated me.

(Henry:) Haha that's quite the list there Lizzy Borden. I think it’s your turn to settle down. :P

(Henry:) Well then Lizzy with a Y, it's nice to finally talk to you, even though it's over text.

(Henry:) So I have to ask, I take it they were cracking the whip pretty hard in wardrobe today?

(Lizzy:) You know, I was doing what I thought was a pretty damn good job of avoiding that subject.

(Henry:) Nope, you can't slip past me. This brain is like an iron trap.

(Lizzy:) If you MUST know...

(Henry:) I really do. I'm sitting on the edge of my seat in anticipation.

(Henry:)

(Lizzy:) Okay well that just sounds sarcastic. I don't HAVE to tell you... :P

(Lizzy:) I'm kidding, kidding. Well, since you MUST know, I spent at least half of my day mending clothes, particularly the crotch of multiple pairs of your pants. Also a few pairs had the butt blown out.

(Henry:) The crotch?

(Lizzy:) Yes, the CROTCH OF YOUR PANTS HENRY. :P Honestly I'm used to it at this point though. It's not the first time, or I'm assuming the last, that I'll have to mend the crotch of your pants. It’s not your fault the studio wants you in tighter fitting clothes that can show off how muscular you are. It’s just my job to fix it. ;)

(Henry:) I guess I never really thought about who it was having to mend them when that happens.

(Lizzy:) And it’s not just your crotch area I mend, it’s your inseams as well. I think your thighs got a little bigger since the initial fitting. :P

(Lizzy:) And yes, us little people taking care of you famous movie stars, making sure you stay looking like the heartthrob you are. Since that is your job and all. :P

(Henry:) Hey now, I’m more than just a pretty face. You make me sound like a talentless hack. But thank you. For your sake I'll try and not blow out any more seams, especially the crotch.

(Lizzy:) You don't need to thank me, it's literally my job. ;)

(Lizzy:) I mean, if your muscles didn’t rip through clothing on a regular basis I’d be out of a job! How rude.

(Henry:) Well I mean in that case I COULD make it a habit. ;)

(Lizzy:) All I have to say is I’m SO glad we don’t have to worry about shirt buttons on you during this. I’ve seen the stress you put on buttons during press junkets. The anxiety I feel, Henry. So much anxiety.

(Lizzy:)

(Henry:) Yeah, those shirts never seem to fit my chest right. I taught myself how to sew buttons on my shirts so I could stop asking others to help.

(Lizzy:) Okay, the fact that you taught yourself how to sew on buttons because it’s a CONTINUING issue is both hilarious and adorable. :P

(Henry:)

(Henry:) So I’m curious about something, costume wise.

(Lizzy:) Yes? I’m sure I can answer, costume wise. ;)

(Henry:) How long does it take to sew together a shirt from scratch?

(Lizzy:) Well, it all depends on the type of shirt, and what it’s for. For the sake of film, there are so many steps. Design, pattern making, grading, construction, fitting. That’s just a fraction of it. It’s a very long process.

(Lizzy:) But if I was at home making a shirt for a friend, I could do it start to finish in a couple of hours. They're not hard. I can sew them together in my sleep.

(Henry:) A few HOURS? That's amazing.

(Lizzy:) Eh, it's what I went to school for. ;) It’s not that impressive to me.

(Henry:) Well, to me it is at least. ;)

(Lizzy:)

(Henry:)

(Henry:) Unfortunately, it's time for me to go to bed. I have an early call time in the morning.

(Lizzy:) You're going to bed at 6 in the evening? I’m assuming you have a super crazy call time? One time I had a call time of 1 am because there were things that had to be fixed by the time you and Anya got to set at 4 am. Although it does have it’s advantages. I get to have the first pick of craft services, and sunrises are always nice to watch.

(Lizzy:) But I’m sorry, that sucks. :(

(Henry:) Some days it does, especially when I can't seem to fall asleep. But today was exhausting so I don't think I'll have any issues tonight. Plus Kal has been extra cuddly tonight so I definitely won’t have any issues.

(Lizzy:) Well then, I guess this is where we say goodnight. I hope you sleep well. :)

(Henry:) Thank you. I hope you do, too. Hopefully tomorrow will involve less bleeding onto garments. ;P

(Lizzy:) Haha, I mean it really doesn’t matter. If anything it makes the garment just look THAT much more legit. I hope you have a good day on set tomorrow. :)

(Henry:) Thank you. It was really nice talking to you Lizzy. I hope we talk more again soon. :)

(Lizzy:) It was nice talking to you, too. And I would really like that. :)

(Lizzy:) Goodnight, Henry. :)

(Henry:) Goodnight Lizzy. Sleep well. :)

#henry cavill #geralt of rivia #the man from uncle #the witcher #tmfu #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fc #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill witcher #fanfic #henrycavillfanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #henrycavillxreader

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lunar-writings-love · 4 years ago

Text

College!AU - Hongjoong (ateez)

ahaha so i’m baaaack ;; super sorry for all the inactivity babes life has been weighing down on all of us i’m sure and i needed some time! This is the next installment of the college!au ateez series, and although i had planned to have hongjoong last, y’all requested him so much i wrote him next and changed the order around!

Author’s note: Bullet fic,

Warnings: like a drop of angst if u squint ?? the word sh!t appears one time i think

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hongjoong:

he’s so cute i’m Sad

ok so Joongie is just so loved, so treasured by everyone ,, every time he enters into a room everyone just 🥺

he’ll walk into a room looking all sleepy in overalls or something and literally everyone’s parental instincts awaken from the depths of college emotional indifference and suddenly ,,

there’s world peace it’s a sight to see

so, our Hongjoongie is actually a double major!!

he’s a world lit major, and he’s minoring in gender studies so his emphasis is on analyzing feminist texts

more often than not, the best way to find hongjoong is to just go to the library on the south side of campus at odd hours at night and you’ll usually find him buried underneath a pile of books ;; (and more often than not he’ll also be sleeping because baby can’t stay awake to save his life ://)

But he really does love his major ,, and If u let him , he’ll rave hours and hours about literature; analyzing them through historical context, societal reflection, the role of women, writing style.....

....he just loves what he does and it makes everyone around him love him for it too!!

He always has extensive talks with Yeosang (an english major who took a lot of lit classes with hongjoong hint go read the yeosang!au) on american 19th century feminist writings

they started their own book club and it’s literally just them two, no other members allowed, and all they do is eat finger sandwiches and shit on misogynistic men we sTAN

HoWEVer, although hongjoong’s work in literature is impressive and respected, he’s probably better known for his second major:

music composition!

music is the love of his life ,,, no buts there’s nothing he’ll love more than his art (except maybe you aha ha ha ;)

and people knew him around campus becaaaauseeeeee ,,,,, he would usually ,,, dj at frat parties...

it wasn’t something he particularly liked, but hey money is money.

in all seriousness though, when hongjoong wasn’t reading or writing papers, he was glued to his mac producing tracks and writing lyrics

the only thing was ,,, he didn’t actually sing any of what he wrote

he never thought his own voice suited his songs, and would much rather sit on the sidelines moving along the creative direction

and although the boys usually are the ones to sing his demos,, joongie always felt like something was still ,,, missing

this is where u come in wink wonk

you’re just a lowly econ major who surprisingly !! doesn’t !! want !! to start your own fortune 500 company :DD !! wow so rare :)

anYWaYS,, you’re just doing it cuz your parents pressured you into pursuing a career with stable job opportunities and you’re kinda good at math and graphs soooo

....why not

but to be honest, you always felt trapped

you were never able to stop that feeling of impending doom when you’d open your macro-econ textbooks ,,,

or how your heart hurt when you think about the fact that your life is headed straight to an incredibly mundane future :

a desk job, an overpriced apartment that barely has enough room for you, living in constant air pollution from the city’s high carbon emissions, never finding true love, dying alone with 50 cats, taxes...you get the drift

you usually pushed those thoughts to the back of your mind, negativity isn’t productive and right now you had a world economics midterm to study for

but..

not that you’d ever admit it, your true passion had always been music

you weren’t the best composer, you knew just enough piano to get you but; but you had a set of PIPES dAmN

your friends could usually find you at the dorm’s music rooms ,, and whenever you felt stress or needed to unwind, you’d usually head over to those rooms

now ,,, these rooms are soundproof // but the trick is you actually have to close the door cuz if u don’t......

everyone can hear you

and by everyone I mean the entire floor

you were doing your usual thing at the music room one night when one of your friends came in to let you know everyone would be heading over to dinner soon,, u promised only one more song before meeting them upstairs on your dorm floor

hoWEVeR, U DIDN’T REALIZE THAT WHEN YOUR FRIEND WALKED AWAY THEY LEFT THE DOOR OPEN

and soo ,, when u started singing again //// everyone heard

and by everyone i mean ???!?

hongjoong :))

and it was love at first sight ,,, or rather

,, love at first listen??

he won’t ponder over the semantics, all Hongjoong knew was that he had been looking for a voice like yours and needed you on his tracks

this man barged into the room and begged you to lend your voice for his songs

...on his knees :00

you were in shock like what were you supposed to do?

this random man stormed in and got on his knees ,,

what was next ??

marriage ????

u didn’t really say anything for a while just kinda looked him in his eyes

but then your uwu instincts kicked in--u don’t know what it is about this dude but u just wanna like give him candy or something

and so you hesitantly asked for his name

and that’s when hongjoong realized he was an IDIOT

because not only was your voice heavenly, but of course you were cute too and he just presented himself like a complete and utter maniac and He Didn’T eVEN bOTHER To TelL You hIS NAme!

he wanted the ground to swallow him up but alas

he got off his knees and shyly stuck out his hand and told you his name

you looked at him once again ,, and surprisingly

you took his hand with a small smile on your face

you ended up totally forgetting about dinner with your friends at the dining hall

because hongjoong sat beside you on the piano bench and showed you his songs and lyrics, and you....fell in love <3

you’d never connected with anyone on this type of emotional level before and it was almost sort of overwhelming

it also kinda gave you hope too ,, because here was Hongjoong ,, someone who managed to get the best of both worlds : a music and a lit degree

and you thought that maybe ,, you could do something with music too

you guys exchanged numbers and scheduled to meet at the university’s recording studio that weekend

Hongjoong composed a track and you added your own lyrics with his help--after two weeks of mixing, mastering, producing, and recording ,,, you guys officially released a single!!

you really weren’t expecting it, but hongjoong was a bit of a social butterfly and so the song became a hit on campus

people were uploading it to their social media, sharing it with friends, playing it while they worked out, it was kinda ridiculous to you

the student paper even wrote an article about it (and later you found out that the journalist was one of hongjoong’s friend’s girlfriend ,, (hint go read the yunho!au)

And when the song reached 10,000 streams, that gave you the confidence to do what you had always wanted to do

you called your parents up on a Saturday morning to tell them you were picking up a vocal performance major

you were extremely anxious for this conversation, so Hongjoong decided to stay by your side for moral support

As both of you waited with baited breath for your parents’ response, Hongjoong was also right there just ,, holding your hand so sweetly,, and that was driving YOU INSANE

(because in these past couple of months you had gotten to know Hongjoong you had mostly definitely, absolutely, completely fallen head over heels for him)

after a long moment of silence, your parents agreed

they weren’t too happy about it, but they also weren’t as against it as you thought they’d be--the only condition was that you’d continue with econ and instead double major

it would honestly be hard considering the amount of mandatory classes and performances required of the vocal performance major, but you were too happy to care

after your goodbyes with your parents, you looked over to Hongjoong with the biggest smile on your face

and it just,, absolutely melted his heart

before he could stop himself he just wrapped his arms around you and twirled you around

and then :) he gave you the softest kiss on your cheek

of course, after it dawned on him what he had done, he instantly turned red and started chucking nervously as he stuttered his words

but for you, the newfound confidence and ADRENALINE after your successful phone call with your parents, you grabbed both sides of his face and asked him if you could kiss him

Hongjoong was wide-eyed but LIKE HELL he would pass up this up

so after muttering out a shy yes, y’all kissed awwww :))

and after that, you guys became a couple!

you’d show up to the frat parties he would DJ at and would always dance like an idiot with wooyoung in the corner of the room

and you and hongjoong would always partner up for music composition and performance projects: Hongjoong would write the tracks and you’d sing for them

you guys were honestly such a soft couple

you also picked up the habit of studying sleeping at the library with hongjoong because double majoring was hard and it required a lot of work

and it just, now became a thing for people to always find you along with Hongjoong sleeping under a pile of books

you guys kept on releasing more singles after that, and are currently working on an EP!

and honestly, you were so incredibly happy

you had the most amazing boyfriend, and you were pursuing your passion

and you felt just a little bit better knowing that your future was unclear

you no longer pictured yourself at a desk job, living out an absolutely dreadful life

instead, you finally realized the multitude of opportunities at your disposal

and with Hongjoong by your side, you just knew everything in life would work out in the end!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FEEL FREE TO REQUEST!

Love you guys! Stay safe and healthy!!

- Luna

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after-valiant-hero-ask · 4 years ago

Text

Soooo, somehow the "keep reading" Thing on tumblr kinda beoken for me, so I can't really post this with the keep reading, but also, I made a post about going to make a fandic of After Valiant Hero that takes place BEFORE the main event onthe comic, sooo, here it is!! I hope you all enjoy it! (And also, it's 2.000+ words long, so, it's kinda long^^)

============================

"TONIGHT"

by LovelyPink2005

——————————

Summary:

This takes 2 months after the valiant Hero ending, right when the toppats decided to celebrate their fully recovered airship and the clan, but something is up with sven that made him missed the whole party.

Note:

I'm not that good on english, so, I'm so sorry if this fic came out bad^^"

And also, this is a fanfic I wrote about the story of the messy doodle/sketch comic I did of sven and Charles on whiteboard, so, uhhh, yeah^^"

——————————

It was the day after they did their first heist after recovering their airship and their clan, which is 2 months after the Valiant Hero ending. It also charles's first time too, he feels strange for doing that, like there's something wrong with it but can't quite put a finger on it. He decided to forget about it. "It's probably just the side effect."

The toppat clan wanted to celebrate it for their success, they talk to talk, share to share about having a party for it, until it delivered to charles and sven who is on their room. "A party huh?" Sven said as he put his hand on his chin, thinking about it. "Suits yourself, If you wanted to celebrate it, then go for it" He continue with a smile on his face. He turned his head to charles to see his face full of excitement for that party, like he never had them before.

"Sven" Charles called as he put his hand on sven's shoulder. "Let's have it tonight!"

"Yeah, sure..." Sven paused, looking down for a second, and lifted his face back to charles. "Sure!".

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, if you all want it, then go for it."

"Alright, I'll go inform the others about this." He gives sven a pat on the back before leaving the room.

Sven waves and wanted to say "c'ya" to charles very badly, but charles already left them room. Sighed, and sits back to his bed, and looked up on the ceiling, smiling. "Hey, are you ok there..?" His face could easily shows you a bit of sadness, and pain. Sven was talking to himself, but really, he just missed his old friend.

Someone who used to be around him, a friend who ALWAYS around him ever since he joined the toppat clan. Burt Curtis. That's his name. Sven and Burt joined the toppat clan on the same day years ago, they even meet right before entering the airship. They keeps on running into each other as their relationship grows, until they become the best of friends. Even after Sven become the leader, their relationship or friendship still is the same.

But… sadly… He died at the orbital station when it exploded. got left behind because he was trapped on a room and couldn't get out. Sven wish he could found him, but the other toppats dragged him with force to the pod.

He couldn't save him. He failed to save him. The last thing he even heard from him was a when he called sven after the luxury pod has escaped.

"We're having a party tonight... Wish you could join us burt." A tear runs down on his face.

He wiped it as he rubs his eyes. "Ugh, c'mon sven, pull it together!" He palmed both of his hands on his face and falls on his bed.

"He's gone! Just.. Try to—– uuggghh!" He sighed to himself. He quickly sits up and try to pull his act together. A forced smile on his face, but it's not that obvious.

Take a deep breath, and let it out as he then go outside to also inform the others about the party. Yeah, let's just focus on that, focus on the clan. Maybe the other could distract him from his mind.

---

Charles straight up go to the cafeteria since most toppats usually just hang out there. He saw one of the toppat he usually talk to if sven wasn't around. He called him.

"Harold!" Said charles as he waved his hand at him and the other toppats that's with him.

Ah yes, Handsome Harold. Charles usually hang around him since he's the second person who ever talk to him after he woke up and got amnesia.

"Oh, Charles" Harold rise his hand up as high as his face.

"Sve— uhh, Chief said that we're having a party to celebrate the fully recovered of our clan!"

Harold and the other toppats look at each others as their eyes widened open.

What?? "Really?"

Charles nodded. The other toppats slowly having their face with smiles.

"Alright lads! Let's prepare things up for the party!" One of the toppat called Wallace Dagwood, yelled as the others on the cafeteria then cheered.

A couple of hours has passed, and the party is almost ready. The whole cafeteria was full with a lot of stuff, Charles just can't wait for sven to see this. There's a bunch of food and snacks on the food table, such as pizza, chicken wings, tacos, cupcakes, cake, and other food that usually on a party. There's also a berry punch, and some alcohols on the drink table.

Beside the foods and drinks, there's also a lot of decorations and other stuff that changed on the cafeteria. Like a small stage for anyone who wanted to perform anything. Blue carpet on the whole floor of the room, and disco light-ball. Charles can't really describe everything, but all he could say is that everything is going to be awesome!

Huh?

In a flip, he realized something. He haven't see Sven around to help since he know that Sven likes to help around.

Is he not feeling well?

He did startled for sometimes today whenever he talks… is there anything wrong with him?

Charles can only feel worried about him. But he hopes that non of his thoughts are true.

"Oi Charles!"

Sometimes tapped his shoulder. He jumped a bit and making the "eep" Sound as he surprised.

"Hmm? Oh, it's you" He signed, It was of course Harold.

"What were you thinking? I saw you were excited a view second ago, but then you immediately worried" Said Harold.

"What's wrong?"

"I- huh? No no, you guessed it wrong, why would I be worried when there's a party right in front me?"

How the heck did he know? Can he read face expression that good???

Harold sighed. "Charles, it's all over your face."

Shoot, Right. Knew it.

"O-oh, well, you're right" He smiles. "But I only worried because this will be the first party I'll ever have, since, you know.." He scratched his head.

He lost his memories. He can't even remember everything, how can he remember the last time he even go to one, right?

"Yeah, I know, sorry for that" He wrapped his hand around Charles.

"But they'll all come back! Even if they won't, you can always create new memory!" Harold just trying to cheer 'em up. "Just don't forget to have your medicals, 'kay?"

Charles smile and nodded.

Both of them then go to help t he others finishing some stuff for the party.

---

Sven was outside of the security room, the place where he get to see outside and have the winds in his hair (the place where henry got in the airship when we choose the grapple gun (PBT)).

Just standing there, watching the sun setting down. He looked at the sky.

Thinking to himself. Wishing that all of this was just a really long dream, and when he wakes up, everything was still… Normal. Burt still there, the orbital station was save and sound. And Reginald never got arrested.

He's been there for a hour now, until Charles contacted him. His phone buzzing.

"Hmm?" He picked his phone. It's Charles…

He takes a deep breath, and then answer the call. "Hello"?

"Sven! Where are you? I can't find you in your room, or the cafeteria!" Said Charles in a little worried tone.

"The party is starting in a hour!"

"Oh, really?" He responded as his eyes widened a bit. He didn't thought it'll be starting that fast. "That was fast"

"Yeah, and— wait, Sven! Are you at that place again??" Charles could hear the sound of the winds through sven's phone.

"... Well, yeah?"

"What's wrong?? You only goes there is you're down, you know that you have your greatest friend hereto help you!" Charles raised his voice, but not in an angry way, but more like in a worried and abit of disappointed tone.

Huh? Oh right, he knew.

"No, it's fine Charles! I only looking for some fresh air!"

Hmmm, that sounds convincing alright.

"Okay, but you HAVE to be here when the party started! It'll be the greatest time, truste!"

Sven chuckled on how silly Charles is. "Yeah yeah, I'll be there".

He closed the call as he sighed. He closed his eyes and smile as he shakes his head.

"Charles Charles, guess there's different between you two after all" He chuckled.

Sven then make his way In. He walk through the security room, the hall of portraits, and finally, the kitchen. He stopped there for a bit, looking at the drawer. He then turns around and open up the drawer where he knew a bottle of alcohol would be there. He takes it and looks at it for a while. His face seems like he had no emotions, it's pale, but you could see through his face that he's… tired.

Sven continue walking and bringing the alcohol. He's going to his room.

---

An hour and a half has passed, and there is no sign of Sven yet. Charles keeps on looking around. The party already going since around 30 minutes ago. Charles bit his lips for a bit, worried if there's really something wrong with sven.

He takes a sip of the berry punch as he holding one cup of it.

"Sven, where are you?" He whispered to himself.

A toppat named Carol Cross approach Charles from behind. "Where's sven?" She asked.

"Oh! Miss Carol!" He waved his hand to her, and then immediately scratched his head. "I uh, not sure, I haven't see him anyway around this place".

"Hmm, you should go and find him, don't wanna make him missed tonight."

"Yeah, maybe I should" He put his cup on the table. "Cya around Miss carol, and enjoy the party!". Charles immediately left the cafeteria and try to look for Sven everywhere. It'll took him a while since the airship is really big, he could be anywhere.

After a while, he still couldn't find him, until he walked over to their room.

"Sven? Are you here?" Charles opened the door to their room and look inside.

As he though, he was on their room, sitting on the chair right in front of his small desk beside his bed. But is he drinking by himself??

"Uhh… Sven, are you drunk?" He asked as he approach him. He saw a bottle of alcohol beside him that's almost empty. Sven usually can't handle to much alcohol, a couple of small cup can already made him drunk alright.

He sits next to him. "Are.. you ok? You shouldn't drink by yourself sven".

" O-oh… burt, you're here—"

Burt?? Who is he talking about? He's clearly brunk very badly.

"Uhh, sven, it's me, Charles. You're ready drunk, aren't you?"

He then takes the bottle from sven to prevent him from drinking more. "You should stop now, you don't even recognize me that well" He put the bottle away.

Sven looks at sven, his face really looking like a zombie who just came back to life. He smiled as he saw Charles.

"S-stop joking around—– I know that's you Burt-" He hiccups every now and then.

"Heh, you're so silly Burt… I know it's you.." Sven turned his head back to the cup he's holding.

"You'll always found me whenever I'm like.. This—- I know I've only saw you a couple hours ago…But for some reason… i missed you.. So— much.."

Charles has no clue what he's talking about. But then he somehow remember something. Sven once mentioned he used had a friend from high school maybe? He said they're really close friend. One thing he know that sven missed them too, so, Charles assume he think he's the old friend of sven???

A sob could be heard from sven.

"I…Always wanted to tell you something… b-but— I'm always to coward.."

Charles kinda feels bad for him. He then patted sven's back. "Sven, snap out of it, it's me, Charles, you should get some rest and—–" Before he finish his sentence,he could feel that Sven is about to pass out in any moment. "Woah, sven-"

"I know I know… but B-burt.. Before I Pass out, at least let me tell you h-how I—–"

Without any warning, sven grabbed Charles hand and dragged him really closed to him.

"S-sven!?"

Again, without any warning, sven pulled Charles closer as he kissed him on the lips for like 5 second.

What. The. Heck!?!?!???? Did he just..!?

Sven then immediately fall as he fainted. Charles quickly grab him before he fell to the floor.

Charles's face became RED. He didn't know what the hell just happened. Did his friend just kissed him!? That was unpredictable. He couldn't believe that.

"Wh— what was that…!?"

He never and didn't have that kind of feeling towards Sven, so that's not the reason he blushed. Sven literally just took Charles's first kiss. And that's at least how Charles feel about it. He rubs his mouth as in, he wish that never happened. He didn't want his first kiss to be from his great friend.

But at the same time, he still feel bad for Sven. He once mentioned that he used to have this friend on high school and rhat they've separated from each others for so long, with sven still have this feeling for them. At least that's what Charles assume.

Charles sighed. The blush on his face started to fade away as he calmed down.

"W-well, guess sven will missed tonight's party."

Charles then picks up Sven and lay him down on his bed. He put the blanket on him.

After that Charles tried his best NOT to mention that even happened or even slipped through his mouth as he foes back to the party.

---

The sun is rising, another day has come.

The party was a blast last night, but to bad sven missed all of it.

Sven slowly opens his eyes ashe waking up. Yawning and rubs his eyes before sitting down. He feels a bit dizzy, but can't quite remember what happened last night.

Oh wait, think he did, he remember that he drank by himself on the room until he passed out. At least that's how he remembers it.

As Sven was still sitting on his bed,Charles came in the room while having himself a cup of coffee. He then saw Sven.

"O-oh, morning there sven!" He waved his hand at him, highly hoping he didn't remember what happened last night. He sat down on his own bed.

"Morning Charles, didn't expect you to wake up sooner than me" Said sven as he stretched his arms.

"Oh, yeah, uh, well, you were really tired yesterday, so, that's explain why you over slept?" He takes a sip from his hot coffee.

"Heh, pretty much, I was kinda uh, drunk last night and passed out"

Phew, He didn't remember THAT. Charles relief.

"Yeah-" Charles then change the topic in a second to prevent him from trying to remember that night.

"H-hey sven! You totally missed the party! As I said, it was the greatest!" He said as he smiles brightly.

"Oh really?" He smiled back to him. "Tell me about it then.

Charles then when on telling Sven everything that happened on the party, really detailed. From where Charles went off to inform the others about doing a party, until the party ended and everyone have to clean them up after it.

Days has passed, and Sven haven't remember what has happened that night. So Charles decided to keep it a secret to himself, until now.

===========================

Welp, that's all of the fantic! I hope you enjoyed this, and tha k you so much for putting your time to read this all t he way down here! I really appreciate it!✨✨✨

#after valiant hero #henry stickmin #the henry stickmin collection #the toppat clan #henry stickmin valiant hero #charles calvin #henry stickmin charles #sven svensson #henry stickmin fantic #henry stickmin AU #burt curtis #sven x burt #sven x charles???

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sometimes-i-write-4-you · 5 years ago

Note

Hey! I was wondering if you could do promt #3 for Hyde x reader? (Love your story telling btw)

I (fake) love you - Steven Hyde x reader

a\n: this somehow ended up as a fake dating au but i’m not mad

trigger warnings: cursing, weed mentioning, Hyde and reader are pretending to “do it” as Kelso would say, i’d say it has some angst and fluff but nithing too extreme.

I was always good at reading people. Normally, I could talk to someone for 5 minutes and know everything there is to know about them, for example, the first time I met Michael Kelso, I knew immediately he’s dependable, loyal and likes to be pushed around. Most people thinks it’s his lack of smarts that makes it easy to manipulate him, but the truth is he just seeks attention, he grew up in such a big family, and as just another sandwich kid, he never got that much attention. He’s more than just a good-looking, brainless goofball.

Eric Forman? Smart kid, heart of gold. His father crashed his self esteem and his belief he has no worth sunk so deep into his brain he’s not even trying to prove it wrong. He’s not just a nerdy smart-ass, too bad he’s scared of his potential.

Donna Pinciotti is the girl who will go far. She’ll make history, i can tell you that. She is passionate, and she will not hesitate to fight over what she sees right, yet will admit if she did you wrong. She grew up in a loving family overall, but she doesn't want to end up like her dad: rich, lazy and stuck in a small town. She’s a big city kind of girl.

Fez is sweet, desperate and eats candy to cope with his loneliness. He’s not afraid of his feminine side, and cares about his looks in a different way then Kelso. He might be weird, and have a tendency to say the most inappropriate things, but he never looks to hurt someone or make them uncomfortable, he just wants to feel loved.

Jackie Burkhart was a bit harder to crack, and her first impression on me was semi-wrong. I could tell she’s more than a spoiled brat, I just didn’t know if it’s in a good way - like, she might be smart and kind, with a broken point of view in the world but she’s willing to look at it from a different point of view. On the other hand, she could be a mean, spoiled brat who’s going to succeed big time by manipulating the hell out of everything around her. Turns out it’s a little bit of both - she’s kind, and she learns the world is not all glitter and unicorns, but she manipulates to get things her way. At least she doesn't make a fuss when she doesn't get what she wanted. Well, not as much.

With all that, there was still one mystery in the little group I found myself a part of: Steven Hyde.I could not tell you a thing about him. I knew the basics - his name, the fact his parents are not there, and that he likes weed, beer and Zeppelin. He hid every sign of emotions behind sarcasm, and had walls taller than anyone i’ve ever met.

I started hanging out with them when I moved here. Kelso made a move on me the second he saw me, and he still tries to this day, but it’s obvious our relationship is strictly platonic and it’s not going to change, even though he thinks it’s better. One time I jokingly agreed and he said, and I quote, “ew, no, you’re like a sister to me”, but he keeps on making sexual advances on me for the sake of the joke.

I quickly befriended the rest of the guys (and girls), and even though i learned to love all of them, there was someone i really loved. Not Kelso, he’s practically my brother, it was Hyde i was so into, but i can’t tell you why. Maybe it was his sense of humor, maybe it was his kind heart or maybe it was the challenge.

“Hey, (y\n), penny for your thoughts?” Donna said, breaking the silence. The TV was on, but it was clear my head is somewhere else. “She’s thinking ‘bout Hyde” Kelso was quick to tease. “Shut up” I growled at him, and suddenly everyone’s focus was on me. Hyde wasn’t there, Kelso might have zero tact, but he would never throw me under the bus, cause he knows i will get into the bus and run over him. It was me and him on the couch, and Donna and Eric across from each other on the chairs as a way to avoid them making out instead of hanging out with their friends. “(y\n), do you want to tell us something?” Eric asks. “I- no, it’s stupid. Kelso is stupid, remember the time he ate a blueberry on a field trip and it ended up being the poisneus one we were warned about when we arrived?” i said, hoping it will drive the attention to tease him and not me. “Oh, that was funny, but not as funny as the time he revealed you have a crush on Hyde” Donna said, “but good try”. I sighed. “Look, it’s not like i’m in love with him or something, he’s just a mystery I want to solve. A mystery with a kind smile and great sense of humor. Look, it’s nothing, Kelso is just obsessed with the idea his best friends will date” i said. “oh, Tell them what you told me, come on! It was hilarious” Kelso said, ignoring the last part of my confession, and when I refused he decided to share my words he did it himself. “God, Kelso, his voice is so hot, i can listen to him for hours even if it’s just the stupid car that runs on water non-sense” He said, immitating a high-pitched voice that didn’t really sound like mine. “That is not what i said” i tried to redeem myself, but Eric and Donna were too busy laughing to hear me. “I just said he’s voice is calming” I kept trying.

“Who’s voice?” Hude asked as he jumped over the couch and took the open spot next to me. “Y-” Kelso started, but i hit his chest, “-our mama” he changed the ending of the word, “BURN!”. “I was talking about the weather guy” I made up, but did I lie? “You’re so weird, man” Hyde sighed, stretching and leaving his hand on the couch. “Well, kelso, we have this thing, you coming?” Donna said, “with Jackie, the double date i can’t believe i agreed to”. Kelso looked confused, “it’s tomorrow”. “No, it’s today” Eric insisted, winking at him and nudging his head at me and hyde. “What? Jackie is going to kill me-” “we won’t tell her you forgot” Donna plays along. I saw right through the act, but kelso really thought he forgot.

He left the basement along with Eric and donna.It wasn’t the first time me and Hyde we’re alone, but usually it was Kelso ditching me and Hyde when the three of us hung out to try and get a girl to sleep with. I’m telling you, one day he’ll get someone pregnant.

“What’s with them?” Hyde sighed and got up to get a popsicle. “Who fucking knows?” i replied, trying to think of a way to change the subject. “You saw how Eric pointed at us? Like what, are they trying to get us alone?” Hyde continued, handing me a popsicle as he sat down. “I- yeah” i admitted, “Kelso has this crazy idea, he wants us to date cause we’re both his best friends or something” i explained, leaving out the part i was on board with the idea, and the fact that it was originally mine. “Oh, we should totally prank them!” Hyde said, “like, let’s pretend to date and be the most annoying couple ever”. I looked at him confused. “Like, we can use cutest couple names, ditch them to be alone or just make out in their face constantly” his smile got wider and wider, and I can't say no to that smile. “Sure, yeah, could be fun”.

The next day, I walked in the basement wearing your favourite outfit, ready to annoy the heck out of my friend. The moment you entered the room, Hyde got up and pulled you onto a hug. “Hey, lover boy” I said, kissing him on the lips. We had to practice doing that without laughing. We kissed like, 10 times yesterday when we planned the prank, his reply kept breaking us and we had to do it again. “Hi, apple pai” he said, kissing me one more time. Everyone looked at each other, exchaging “what the fuck?”s with their eyes. Hyde placed his hand on my waist and walked me to the couch, “Steven!” I laughed when he picked me up in bridal style and sat down, resting me in his lap. “God, babe, you look so hot today” Hyde said, sliding his hand down my side, settling on a not too sexual but not that friendly spot on my thigh. It was all planned, and fake, but the blush on my cheeks was as real as it gets. “Well, lover, I wanted to dress up for you” I said, fidgeting with the collar of his shirt. “Uh, guys, what’s going on?” Jackie was the first to speak. “Oh, well, yesterday Kelso, Eric and Donna, pulled a little trick to get me and Hyde together, and it worked” I smiled. “Yeah, guys, thank you so much for helping me get with the most beautiful girl in the world” Hyde agreed, looking at me through his rosy sunglasses. I took them from him. “Hey!” he said, but before he got them back I put them on. I slide them down my nose and look up to him. “That was hot, so i’ll let it slide this time” he said, taking the glasses off of my face. The script we wrote was absolutely perfect.

The days have passed, and soon they turned into weeks, and our little show kept going. I’ll admit, kissing Hyde and ditching the gang to hang out with him (we pretended to leave for a different reason, tho), the fake double dates… it was fun. The longer we pretended to date, the more our couple-y behavior stuck with us, like, one time we met up for a pretend-date and he kissed me when he saw me. I kissed him back, it just felt natural. We got a good laugh out of it, but it happened more than once. I knew I had to ask him to stop this, because my feelings kept growing but he had none, plus I know he kept fooling around cause i’ve seen girls flirting with him, and they always left together.

We were in his room now, pulling another trick. “Oh, lover, yes” i called, trying to sound as breathless as i can. “Oh, buttercup, you're soooo hot” Hyde called, and jumped on his bed, making it creek. I had to really hold my laugh as I joined him.

“Oh, babe, you’re so good” I called, adding some moans in between words. “Nice” he whispered. We heard the door knob being messed with. Hyde was quick to push me down on the bed. He took off his shirt, hinting me to do the same as we got under the sheets. He got on top of me and pushed his lips against mine just as Michael opened the door.

“Dude!’ Steven called and pulled the covers over us as he fell on his back next to me. “Dude, we can hear you, that’s so gross. You two are-” Michael started. “Well, you can just take your hangout somewhere else, Kelso” i said, throwing the first thing I could grab in his face. It was my shirt. “Yeah, we are kind of in the middle, man” Hyde said. The moment Kelso left, Hyde and I started laughing like crazy.

“That was..” i said as he got up. “Yeah, i’m so good” he said, mimicking my breathless voice. “K, give me my shirt back” i said, trying not to look at his bare chest, and not luckily, he was already putting on his shirt. He went up to the door. “Kelso took it” Hyde said, grining. “Well, shit” I sighed, but he had a solution. “Take this” he said, and tossed me a Led Zeppelin shirt. “Thank you, lover boy” I said, staying under the covers. He looked at me, waiting. “Well, turn around, creep” i said, laughing. “As your boyfriend-” he started, but gave up when his eyes met mine, “fine”. He turned around, allowing me to put on his shirt. “You can look now” I said, fixing the shirt. “How do i look?” I asked. “So hot, buttercup” he replied, smirking and wrapping his hands around my waist and kissing me, forgetting that we are not actually dating. “Hyde, we need to break up” the words slip out of my mouth.

“what ? why?” he asked, “i mean, this is the best prank i ever pulled, and the most enjoyable” he said, his lips stretch into his familiar smirk. “Because-” i tried, but couldn’t come up with a good reason other than the truth. “I mean, you have to admit it’s fun” he said, his hands still around my waist. “Well, yeah, but not for the reason you think” i say, and the confused look in his eyes hurts me. “I- Hyde, this is.. Look, I know you’re sleeping around and that’s gonna blow our cover ``I finally find an answer, “you don’t want your friends to think you’re a cheater”. He looked even more confused. “(y\n), i haven’t touched any other girl since we started... this” he replies, pointing at me and at him. “But i saw you-” I insisted. “I couldn’t, every single time” he admits. Taking the sunglasses resting on his cabinet and putting them on. “Why would you do that? You really expect me to think a horny teenager gave up making out, possibly more, with really hot girls because of what? He’s fake dating a random girl?” I laugh sadly. “No, god, (y\n), you are not some random girl” he says, resting his hands on my arms. “Why-” “because i love you!”.

I don’t know who was more surprised at his words - him or me. We stayed quiet. “Are you- are you gonna say anything?” he broke the silence. “How about i’ll do something instead?” i said, taking a step closer to him. As I moved closer, I placed my hands around his neck. “What are yo-” he tried to ask, but I pulled myself up and connected our lips. Even though we kissed before, this time it was different. His lips moved against mine in a mix of relife, passion and love. He tasted like mint, orange flavoured popsicle and weed. “I forgot to mention, I love you too” I said, breaking the kiss. “Whatever man” he said, re-connecting our lips.

#steven hyde #steven hyde x reader #steven hyde imagines #steven hyde imagine #that 70s show #that 70s show x reader #that 70s show imagines

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authenticcadence18 · 4 years ago

Text

“Can’t Help Falling in Love” Ch. 8

HIIII GUYS!!!!! It's been awhile, huh? The past few weeks have been verrry busy, lol, and I appreciate your patience more than you know!!!!!! Thanks again for all the kind words/encouragement, it means the world to me!!! Getting to share this story with you is truly a joy 🥰

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

AO3

...

For I can’t help…

...

“Alright, everyone!” Ms. Chase announced. “Now that I’ve got all your projects, here’s how the rest of the week is going to work. Tomorrow, we’ll meet in the auditorium to hear those of you who are singing live.”

A certain pair of students fidgeted in their seats.

Tomorrow?

“There will be microphones and speakers provided for you. You just need to bring any instruments and/or tracks you need for your performance.”

Did she say tomorrow??

“The rest of you will present on Wednesday and Thursday in the classroom!”

….she said tomorrow.

Isabella and Phineas exchanged a quick glance before darting their gazes in opposite directions and wincing.

They’d known they would have to present their song sometime this week but… TOMORROW???

“Alright, I’m going to pass out a study guide for the final coming up in a couple of weeks. You have the rest of class to work on it with your partners! We’ll start going over it on Friday.”

A lull of chatter started up as Ms. Chase began making her way around the classroom.

Phineas took a deep breath and dared another glance at Isabella. “Soooo….I guess we’re singing tomorrow, huh?” he voiced, rubbing the back of his neck.

Isabella managed a strained smile. “...I guess so. Tomorrow…that’s pretty soon, huh? I kind of thought we’d have more time to prepare…”

“I mean, we sounded great when we recorded it!” Phineas pointed out quickly. “There’s no reason to worry...it’ll go fine.”

He didn’t sound particularly convinced.

“For sure!” Isabella replied. “No reason to worry…..”

She didn’t sound particularly convinced either.

“...do you think we need to practice again?” Phineas asked hesitantly.

(He wasn’t sure he’d survive another run-through of the song in the recording studio, but he was willing to attempt it if Isabella wanted to.)

“NO!!!!” Isabella shot back. She cringed. “I...I mean….I don’t want us to psyche ourselves out, you know? Not that I don’t want to sing with you, I do, singing together is fun, but….we don’t want to overdo it.”

(She wasn’t sure she’d survive another run-through of the song in the recording studio, but she didn’t want Phineas to think she didn’t want to sing with him at all!)

Their exchange was interrupted by the arrival of Ms. Chase.

“Here y’all go!” She placed two packets on the table with a smile. “I listened to your recording, by the way. It sounded AMAZING!! You two recorded all those instruments yourselves, right?”

Isabella and Phineas looked at one another...and despite the worries troubling them, they couldn’t help but smile proudly.

“We sure did!” Phineas replied. “That beautiful cello line was all Isabella!!”

“And the electric guitar was all Phineas!!” Isabella threw in.

“Wow! Way to go above and beyond!!!” Ms. Chase replied. “I’m so proud of you two! And very impressed! Your voices compliment one another well.”

“Well, we’ve been singing together for a long time,” Phineas replied knowingly, and Isabella chuckled.

“It shows!!” Ms. Chase replied. “It’s really lucky that you two happened to be paired together, huh?” As she left them and started off towards the next table, she called out, “And I loved how intentional both of you were when you sang. It sounded like you meant every word!”

Isabella and Phineas blushed and avoided making eye-contact with one another for a bit after that.

Ms. Chase was right, of course. They HAD meant every word.

But they didn’t really want to talk about that.

...

Isabella and Phineas spent the rest of class filling out their study guides and trying to avoid dwelling on tomorrow.

When the bell finally rang, Isabella’s heart practically leapt out of her chest.

She’d been dreading the end of class for a number of reasons...but she forced herself to push through the dread.

“Phineas?” she said as they stood. “Do you have any meetings after school today?”

Phineas shook his head. “Nope, but Ferb does. Do you?”

“No, I just have work at 6:30.” Isabella replied. She bit her lip as she swung her backpack unto her shoulders.

Last Friday, it would have been easy to voice the question on the tip of her tongue...but everything was a bit more difficult now.

Finally, she managed to articulate, “So...we’re going to walk home together, right?”

Just as walking to school together had become routine, walking home from school together had become routine as well, since Isabella and Phineas typically needed to BE together to work on their project anyway.

Even though the project was winding to a finish now, Isabella still wanted to walk home with him.

Phineas grinned at her. “Of course we are!!!” He paused before adding, “I mean, as long as you want to.”

(Isabella didn’t know it, but he’d been fretting over how to ask her the same question for the entirety of class.)

“I definitely want to!!” Isabella replied quickly.

And then she winced...had she sounded too eager there??

...Phineas was still smiling at her so she supposed she hadn’t freaked him out.

“Uh, I’ll meet you outside after school then.”

“Sounds great! I’ll see you then!”

The two parted ways with small smiles on their faces. Sure, things were still a LITTLE awkward between them, but they were still friends who could walk home from school together.

That, at least, hadn’t changed.

...

The walk home from school was far less animated than the walk to school had been. In the morning, Isabella and Phineas had been eager to fill the weekend-long silence looming over them by chatting about whatever they could. Now, though, they had things to think about.

Such as singing together in less than 24 hours for the first time since Saturday.

And wondering whether or not it would be awkward.

This potential awkwardness wasn’t what really troubled them though.

(Because, really, could anything be more awkward than Saturday? They’d emerged from that as friends, so they could handle singing in front of their classmates.)

No, the thought that truly troubled them as they walked was...what happened after tomorrow?

What happened when the project was officially over and their concrete excuse to spend time together vanished?

Would they go back to how things were before? Back to rushed hellos and awkward smiles and the occasional wave? Back to still being best friends in theory but rarely seeing one another outside of school?

Because SURE they’d vowed to continue hanging out from now on in the Football X7 stadium on Friday. But that was before Saturday, and the almost kiss, and the horrified looks, and the worries and fears that resulted from that.

Yes they were still friends but...were things different now?

Phineas was all too aware of the way Isabella’s hand dangled at her side as they walked. His own hand swung just inches away, tantalizingly close and yet leagues away just the same.

He longed to brush his fingers against hers, to take her hand with the same ease she’d taken his with on Saturday, with the same ease he’d had before Saturday, with the same ease they’d had as kids.

But now there was a hesitance there, an intangible barrier Phineas didn’t know how to cross.

Holding Isabella’s hand would undoubtedly lead to questions about why he wanted to do so at all because it would resurface memories of the LAST time they’d held hands...and Phineas certainly wasn’t prepared to answer those questions.

So he just walked and tried to focus on how happy he was to be with Isabella at all.

(Admittedly, this wasn’t too difficult. Phineas didn’t need to hold Isabella’s hand to feel giddy butterflies in his stomach. Just walking with her was more than enough!)

...

Isabella and Phineas hesitated when they reached the sidewalk in front of the Flynn-Fletcher house.

They no longer had an essay to write or a song to record, no longer had a definitive reason to enter one of their houses together instead of parting ways.

But...they didn’t want to say goodbye just yet.

Isabella thought of an excuse not to first.

“Um...Phineas?”

“Yes?”

“Would you maybe want to come over and do homework for a bit? The calculus assignment Ms. Lloyd gave us is pretty long, and during my class, she said she’d go over one of the harder problems with us but ran out of time...I thought we could help each other with it.”

Phineas’s face lit up. “Sure!!” he agreed. “And she went over that problem during my class period, it wasn’t too bad. I’d be happy to help you with it.”

“Awesome!!!” Isabella replied.

They smiled at one another before setting off across the street.

...

“Oh, wait, let me check the mail before we go inside.”

Isabella slowed to a halt in front of her mailbox and opened it up. She removed a large envelope from inside and squinted at the return address for a second before grinning broadly.

“Aww, my Nana sent me something!!” she exclaimed brightly.

“That’s so sweet!!!” Phineas replied, admiring the envelope over her shoulder. “And wow, that’s a big envelope! What do you think’s inside?”

“I baked cookies with her and some of the residents at the Danville Senior Center last week,” Isabella said. “Maybe some of them wrote to say thank you!! I’ll have to open this later.” She shut the mailbox and started walking again. “First, we should get started on that calculus homework.”

“Right! Lead the way!!”

...

“OK...twelve problems down, twelve to go. We’re halfway there!”

The calculus assignment was a bit tedious, but Isabella and Phineas didn’t really mind. Right now, it was providing them with the perfect excuse to spend time together...and thus, they wouldn’t have wanted to be doing anything else.

“I’m going to get a snack,” Isabella announced. (She hadn’t eaten since 11:30 and they were halfway done with the assignment, so a snack break was in order.) “You want anything?”

“Sure!” Phineas replied. “I’ll eat whatever you want to eat.”

After a second, he made a face and added, “...anything but zucchini.”

Isabella rolled her eyes and grinned. “I’ll keep that in mind!” she assured him with a chuckle.

Phineas laughed with her. “And I’ll get a head-start on the next problem!”

“Sounds good!”

As Isabella walked towards the pantry, she caught sight of the envelope from her Nana lying on the kitchen counter. She picked it up and smiled, the quest for snacks momentarily forgotten.

Her head had been spinning with numbers (and just spinning in general because she’d been pondering those numbers with Phineas) for the past 45 minutes...perhaps reading a letter or two would help wind her brain down.

The envelope contained a note and a sealed letter. Isabella removed the note first and smiled as she began to read her Nana’s tidy cursive.

“Dear Isabella,

I hope you’re well! I had so much fun visiting with you last week: everyone enjoyed the cookies we made. You get more and more beautiful every time I see you! I’m so proud of you and the young woman you’ve become.”

Isabella smiled and chuckled fondly. She could practically hear her Nana reading the note to her!

“I am writing because a letter you wrote a long time ago was delivered to the senior citizen center yesterday. I suppose it got lost in the mail after you sent it all those years ago and they finally sent it back to its return address! I didn’t read your letter, don’t worry, but I remember what you wrote it about!”

The smile on Isabella’s face morphed into a perplexed frown.

A letter? That she’d written? Being returned to the senior citizen center?

...she’d only ever sent one letter from the senior citizen center.

…..no way.

Isabella set the note down and peeked into the envelope again, eyes suddenly quite wide...and her breath caught as she realized the sealed letter within was very pink and addressed in a very familiar hand to one Phineas Flynn.

……..no WAY.

She frantically grasped for the note to finish reading it.

“It seems like only yesterday you sent this letter to your friend Phineas to express your feelings to him when you were younger! I suppose he’s as grown-up as you are now, my how time flies!

“I thought you would like to have the letter as a memory. And, if you still like Phineas and haven’t told him, maybe you can give it to him! (I assume he never got to read it). He’s such a nice boy, and I’m sure he’d be happy to know a girl as wonderful as you likes him so much. (But if you don’t want to tell him, I understand! And I can keep your secret.)

“I love you so much, sweetheart! Perhaps you can write me back sometime soon, or we can chat on the phone or visit in person again. I’d love to hear what you do with the letter!

“Love and hugs,

“Nana”

Isabella let the note flutter unto the counter.

“.... oh my gosh …”

She dared a glance at Phineas, who was fortunately far too engrossed in the calculus assignment to notice the bright red blush sprawled over her face. Slowly, she reached inside the large envelope and pulled out the pink letter with trembling hands.

The edges of the smaller envelope were a little faded and the paper a bit wrinkled, but that was to be expected after nearly a decade of wasting away somewhere in the post office. The handwriting on the back was assuredly hers.

“...... oh my GOSH.”

Memories swirled around Isabella, memories of writing and sending a love letter to Phineas when they were kids with the encouragement of her Nana...of getting cold feet and spending the afternoon trying to get it back with the Fireside Girls before it reached him...of failing in their mission and watching helplessly as Phineas opened the letter and excitedly began to read it...of accepting that he was finally going to learn how she really felt...and of witnessing him inexplicably hand the letter back to the mail carrier and start moving backwards for no discernible reason without finishing it.

(That last part had always perplexed Isabella, but stranger things had happened in Danville that summer. In the grand scheme of things, it had been a typical occurrence.)

Isabella gawked at the pink envelope, still unable to fathom that she was actually holding it even though she’d been staring at it for a good thirty seconds now.

Usually, when something disappeared in Danville (with the exception of Perry and Pinky, of course), it disappeared for good.

But somehow, inexplicably, this letter...oh goodness, the CRUMB CAKE letter...was back in her life.

(She shuddered briefly as she considered what would have happened if the letter had been delivered directly to Phineas instead of the senior citizen center.)

Isabella looked at Phineas again. Her, in the words of her younger self, “little crumb cake.” He was still scribbling away at the calculus assignment, eyebrows furrowed adorably and a determined glint in his eyes.

Her heart fluttered a bit.

(Because he really was just, SO adorable. How could one person be that adorable?? It wasn’t fair.)

For a moment, a SINGLE moment, Isabella’s better judgement faltered, and she yearned to spill her feelings. To come clean. To finally give Phineas the letter, no matter how embarrassing her ten-year-old self’s prose was.

And then she shook her head and quickly stuffed the letter back inside the larger envelope.

She couldn’t confess to him. No way. Not after Saturday.

...

Phineas pumped his fist in the air when he finished working through the next problem. Now that it was done, he allowed his mind to wander...and he realized Isabella had been gone from the table for longer than it should’ve taken to find a snack. He looked up and found her standing at the kitchen counter and….looking at him in a bit of a daze.

He blushed a little.

“Isabella?” he called out. “You okay?”

Isabella flinched as she regained her bearings. “Yes!!!!!!” Her hands darted about for a second. “Just! Uh! Trying to decide what snack to get us.”

“I can help!” Phineas stood from the table and approached her. He happened to glance down at the counter as he walked by and spotted the now-opened envelope from Nana Shapiro. “Oh, did you open this? What was inside? What did Nana Shapiro say?”

“N-NOTHING!!!!” Isabella snatched the envelope away and clutched it tightly to her chest. “I mean! Uh! It was just family stuff, you know? Nothing important. Just...a couple of letters. From her. Just regular ol’ letters. Yeah.”

Phineas smiled. “I always love getting letters from my grandparents! It was sweet of her to write to you. Now, let’s see…”

He stepped past her and opened the pantry.

Isabella surreptitiously slid the envelope in a drawer while Phineas’s back was turned.

She needed to get it out of sight before he saw it again.

And before he did something else that was adorable and she was tempted to give him the letter again.

...

Eventually, Isabella and Phineas finished their calculus assignment.

They were glad to be finished, of course...but also a little uneasy about it. What were they supposed to do now?

Isabella glanced at the clock after placing her pencil down and was spared from answering this question. “Oh! I have work in 45 minutes! I need to start getting ready.”

“Oh!” Phineas quickly stood up and started packing his homework away. “I forgot you had work, sorry about that. I guess...I’ll get going then. Unless you need any help with anything!”

“Oh no, I’m fine!” Isabella insisted. “I just need to eat something and get changed. Thanks though!”

“Of course! Well...I’ll see you tomorrow then. Have fun at work!”

“I’ll try! And yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

Isabella trailed behind Phineas at a respectful distance as he made his exit, lingering in the doorframe and watching somewhat glumly as he waved and started off down the walkway.

Each step he took away from her made her heart ache a little more.

Logically, Isabella knew Phineas had to leave because SHE had to leave for Nosh Olé in a bit anyway...but she couldn’t help but wonder what they would have done if she’d been free for the night.

Would she have thought of another excuse to keep spending time with him? Or would things have gotten awkward without the calculus assignment to work on?

...things probably would have gotten awkward.

Perhaps this was for the best.

...wait...was Phineas stopping? Why was he stopping?

Phineas hesitated before he reached the street.

This time tomorrow, he and Isabella would be finished with their project.

Perhaps there would still be calculus assignments to work on together after that, but...the project had brought them together again.

He was afraid for it to be over.

Well...he was really afraid of his and Isabella’s friendship fizzling out due to it being over.

He slowly turned back around.

“....Isabella?”

Isabella took a few steps outside to meet him. “Yes, Phineas? Is something wrong?”

Phineas took a deep breath as they met in the middle of the sidewalk and Isabella gazed up at him inquisitively (and maybe he blushed again because GOSH she was so CUTE when she looked at him like that).

He thought back to his conversation with Ferb, about how it was okay to be afraid and how Isabella was worth fighting for.

He wanted to keep spending time with her after tomorrow...and he wanted to see if she felt the same way.

“....I just...wanted to ask….we ARE going to keep hanging out after tomorrow….right?”

Phineas rubbed the back of his neck before continuing.

“It’s just…..if it weren’t for the song project, I’m not sure we would’ve started hanging out again at all, and I really, REALLY missed you and spending time with you and getting to do that again has been, just, amazing...and I KNOW we said we’d keep hanging out from now on at the Football X7 game, but...now that our project is basically over, I’m just...a little worried we’re going to drift apart again. I know that might sound silly, but….it’s been bugging me ever since we found out we’re singing tomorrow...and you’re my best friend so I figured I could be honest with you about it. If...if you don’t want to hang out with me as much after tomorrow, that’s fine, but...I guess...I just wanted to tell you I definitely want to keep hanging out with you.”

There. He’d gotten the words out. That hadn’t been too bad. Perhaps he’d rambled on for longer than he’d intended to, but he'd managed to tell Isabella he wanted to spend time with her without revealing he was in love with her. That in of itself was a victory in his book.

“Oh, Phineas….”

Isabella took a step closer, heart twisting painfully in her chest. She knew SHE was the reason she and Phineas had drifted apart, and hearing him speak about it with such a pained look in his eyes made her feel awful.

And yet...even though they hurt, his words were a relief to hear all the same.

Because Phineas was as worried about their friendship fraying as she was.

Isabella reached out and took Phineas’s hands in hers. She gave them a reassuring squeeze and gazed at him gently.

The feeling of Isabella’s fingers interlaced with his and the warmth in her eyes sent what felt like eight million gigawatts of energy dancing throughout Phineas’s body.

They hadn’t been this close—in fact, they hadn’t touched at all—since Saturday. Phineas had gone out of his way to NOT touch Isabella today, not even on accident, because he didn’t want to remind her of the recording studio and make her uncomfortable.

But...she’d reached out for him. She didn’t mind holding his hands and standing close to him, and Phineas’s heart rate was accelerating by the second because the last time she’d looked at him like that, he’d almost kissed her and now he really, REALLY wished he could kiss her and—

And Isabella was probably about to answer his question. He needed to stay focused.

A smidge of panic caught in Isabella’s gut because this suddenly felt all too familiar to Saturday. She and Phineas were holding hands, and looking at each other, and his eyes were wide and he seemed...well, not exactly horrified but maybe a little shocked.

She needed to start talking before she scared him away.

“Phineas…” Isabella began. “I SO want to keep hanging out with you. I...I really missed spending time with you too, and I’m sorry we ever drifted apart. I’m never going to let that happen again. I promise. No matter what.”

Phineas’s breath hitched.

“....no matter what?” he whispered.

Isabella nodded determinedly and repeated, “No matter what.”

For a moment, they stood together with hands entwined, finally knowing how desperately they both wanted to maintain their friendship...

...no matter what.

Phineas let go first, but he didn’t walk away. He kept his gaze fixed on Isabella, an emotion she couldn’t quite place shining in his eyes. He suddenly seemed on the edge of his seat, poised on the tips of his toes, bristling with potential energy.

And then he choked, “....I’m so glad we’re friends...” and swept her into a tight hug that nearly took her breath away.

Isabella’s heart did a backflip. Two backflips. Three.

Phineas was still undoubtedly her best friend. And he still wanted to hug her and be close to her.

Warmth flooded through her, like rays of sunlight bursting through clouds after a storm.

She hadn’t scared him away at all.

“.....believe me, I’m the one who’s glad….” she whispered into his shoulder.

...

If the hug Phineas and Isabella shared the day they started their project went on for a bit longer than one might have considered typical of two friends, the one they were sharing now, on the eve of its completion, went on for FAR longer than one might have considered typical of two friends.

But, then again, Isabella and Phineas weren’t exactly typical friends.

And they needed this. Every second they spent nestled in one-another’s arms was second spent reaffirming their friendship, reminding one another how much they cared, and letting each other know that Saturday hadn’t ruined anything.

(Perhaps they’d never understand exactly what happened on Saturday. But it didn’t really matter...because now they knew their friendship was as steadfast as it had been when they were kids.)

Phineas and Isabella could’ve stayed like that, embracing and smiling and maybe tearing up just a little, forever. But, eventually, they slowly leaned apart and took a step or two back.

They smiled brightly at one another, both a little misty-eyed...and for a moment, the spark of clarity that had emerged between them in the recording studio flickered in the air.

“.....Isabella?”

“...yes, Phineas?

And then the moment passed.

“I….....I guess you have work soon, huh?”

“Oh...oh! I do, you’re right! I really should start getting ready, huh?”

Isabella tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and grinned.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, though.”

She’d spoken the same words to Phineas only minutes ago. But they carried a different meaning now.

Now , tomorrow didn’t just refer to Tuesday morning and their performance. It referred to all the tomorrows after that, to all the days they wanted to spend together, to the friendship they were both dedicated to.

Phineas smiled back as he briefly took her hand—HE TOOK HER HAND!!!! HE COULD DO THAT AGAIN!!!!!—and replied, “I can’t wait.”

And then they waved and parted ways, both feeling better than they had in a long time.

...

Ferb looked up and smiled cheekily from his spot at the kitchen table when Phineas entered through the door. “So how did your homework date go?” he asked.

Phineas didn’t blush or make a face at Ferb's teasing like he normally would have. Rather, he simply sat opposite his brother and gazed down at his hands reverently.

He could almost still feel Isabella holding them...could almost still feel her holding him.

“.......I want to tell her……” Phineas whispered, almost more to himself than Ferb.

Ferb’s eyes widened. “You want to tell her what?” he asked.

Phineas’s response was barely audible...but it was still loud enough to practically knock Ferb out of his chair.

“.....that I love her…..”

...

Isabella’s shift at Nosh Olé ambled by in a slow blur that night. She was there, cleaning and chatting with customers and carrying food….but, she wasn’t REALLY there.

All she could think about was Phineas. And how they’d hugged. And how he’d missed spending time with her throughout high school and how sad he’d sounded when talking about it and how she KNEW the only reason they’d drifted apart was because she cared about him so, so much.

“Phineas deserves to know why I distanced herself from him….” she thought as she methodically scrubbed a wet cloth over an empty table. “He deserves to know I just wanted to get over him so I could keep being his friend and that I never meant for us to drift so far apart and that I never stopped caring about him….”

Isabella’s momentum gradually slowed to a halt as the logical conclusion to these musings finally manifested within her head.

Her eyes widened.

“...he deserves to know I love him. I...want to tell him I love him."

No, that wasn’t quite right. Isabella had wanted to tell Phineas she loved him since they were kids. That hadn’t changed.

This conviction felt different, more urgent.

“...I NEED to tell him I love him.”

...

Ferb didn’t accompany his brother out the door the next morning. Instead, he watched from his bedroom window as Phineas and Isabella met on the sidewalk and exchanged a few words before starting in the direction of Danville High.

“...today could be the day, Perry!” Ferb mused to the platypus curled up on his bed. “Do you think they’ll finally figure it out?”

Perry let out an amused chatter in response.

(Ferb couldn’t have known it was an amused chatter, of course. Just as he couldn’t have known Perry had first-hand knowledge of just how much Isabella and Phineas liked each other. But he acknowledged Perry’s response anyway.)

“I hope so too,” Ferb replied matter-of-factly. He leaned over to pat Perry on the head and chuckled. “I’m running out of ways to tease them without flat-out giving their feelings away.”

...

“Hi, Isabella!!!”

“Hey, Phineas!!!!”

Isabella and Phineas both grinned broadly as they met on the sidewalk.

“Today’s the day!! Are you ready?” Phineas asked.

“I sure am!!!” Isabella replied. “Are you?”

“Definitely!!” Phineas exclaimed. “We’re going to sound amazing!”

“Yes, yes we are!!!” Isabella agreed. She glanced around a bit before asking, “Hey...where’s Ferb? Did he leave one of his textbooks inside again?”

“Oh!” Phineas scratched his ear, and his face reddened a bit. “Uh...yeah, I think he did. He said we could start walking without him.”

(He knew Ferb had not, in fact, forgotten a textbook.)

“Alright!” Isabella linked her arm through his and grinned. “Let’s go then!”

(She suspected Ferb hadn’t forgotten a textbook at all...and though she enjoyed spending time with him, she certainly wasn’t going to complain about his absence right now.)

Phineas grinned back as they started walking. This morning already felt LEAGUES different than yesterday morning had (and not just because today, Isabella’s elbow brushed against his side and made his heart leap with every few steps they took). Thanks to yesterday, to his honesty with her, and their hug, the awkwardness of the past few days was finally gone.

“Enjoy it while it lasts….” a small voice in his head sang.

Phineas did his best to drown out the voice and focus on being present in the moment. Right now, he just wanted to walk to school arm in arm with his best friend.

He could worry about later, well...later.

...

Isabella tried to quell the butterflies in her stomach as she took a seat towards the front of the school auditorium next to Phineas. As she placed her backpack down in front of her, her hands briefly hovered over its front pocket...where she’d stashed a certain bright pink letter for safekeeping.

“.....you can do this, Isabella.”

Her plan was simple: give Phineas the letter and admit she’d had a crush on him when they were kids, elaborate on how she’d spent less time with him and tried to get over him so they could stay friends when they got a little older...and finally confess that she was still completely, totally, helplessly in love with him.

Isabella wasn’t quite sure WHEN she’d enact her plan. She wasn’t even sure why she’d brought the letter to school with her, since she didn’t want to give it to Phineas until they could actually sit and talk about it.

Perhaps she’d just brought it as a reminder, as a physical manifestation of her decision to finally tell Phineas how she felt. If she kept the letter on her at all times, she couldn’t lose track of it or chicken out.

And she WAS going to give it to him. Hopefully, before the day was through….hopefully.

She winced.

She’d been far more confident about her plan last night, when it was still a plan for tomorrow.

But she was doing this for Phineas. So he’d know she never stopped wanting to be his friend. Perhaps she wouldn’t have been able to muster the courage to confess for just herself, but….she could do it for him.

“Hey, Isabella?”

Isabella flinched when she realized she’d been hovering over her backpack and lost in thought for, like, twenty seconds. She quickly sat up and faced Phineas.

“Yes? What’s up?”

“Well, I was wondering…” Phineas scratched the back of his head. “...do you have plans later in the day? Like, after school, around dinnertime, that sort of thing?”

“Well, I have soccer practice right after school, but I’ll be done at 5:00,” Isabella replied. “And then I’m free for the rest of the night! Well...as free as I can be with all the homework I have to do….”

“That’s perfect!!!” Phineas exclaimed eagerly. “Well, not the part about the homework, of course. But, anyway, after soccer, would you want to come over and celebrate officially finishing our project? My parents and Ferb are going to some fancy restaurant for the evening, so it would just be the two of us, if that’s alright. I thought we could make pizza or something and just hang out...and of course do homework if we need to.”

“That sounds like fun!” Isabella replied cheerfully. “But, wait...why are Ferb and your parents going out to eat without you? It doesn’t seem like them to leave you behind.”

Phineas’s stomach twisted into a knot. “UHM. UH. ...Ferb!!!!” he stammered.“Yeah!! Uh! He made the reservations! And!!! He could only reserve a table for three! But...I told him that was alright because, because...because I’d rather spend time with you than go to some fancy restaurant anyway!”

Whew. Crisis averted.

“Oh!” Isabella rubbed the back of her neck and blushed. “Well, in that case, sure!! I’d love to hang out with you later.”

“Awesome!!!!” Phineas said with a grin. “And you having soccer until 5:00 works out well, it’ll give me just enough time to—”

He quickly clasped his hands over his mouth to muffle any other words, eyes wide.

Isabella chuckled. “Just enough time to….what?” she asked slyly.

(Phineas probably had some grand celebratory invention idea up his sleeve.)

Phineas rubbed the back of his neck and tried to keep from blushing. “Uhhhhh, it’s a surprise!!!” he sputtered. “....and now you KNOW there’s going to be a surprise, DANG IT.”

Isabella laughed fondly as he groaned into his hands. “I probably would’ve found out you were planning something sooner or later, Phineas. Keeping secrets isn’t exactly your strong suit.”

“Hey, I can keep a secret!!” Phineas insisted. “In fact, you’d be SURPRISED at how good I can be at keeping a secret.”

“Oh yeah?” Isabella smirked and leaned a little closer. “Somehow, I have a hard time believing that.”

“Yeah, so do I,” someone deadpanned from behind them. “You’re kind of horrible at keeping secrets, Dinnerbell.”

Isabella and Phineas both whirled their heads around at the familiar voice, and their eyes lit up when they located its source.

“Buford!!” Isabella exclaimed with a grin. “It’s so good to see you! What are you doing here?”

“Yeah, you aren’t even in this class!” Phineas added. “Did you sneak in? You aren’t going to get in trouble, are you?”

Although he was happy to see Buford, he wouldn’t want him risking punishment on he and Isabella’s behalf.

(And...he was also eager to divert this conversation away from his capacity to keep secrets as best he could.)

“I heard you two were singin’ together and thought I’d drop in to show my support!” Buford replied matter-of-factly. He leaned forward in his chair a bit. “And no, I didn’t sneak in: the door was open. AND, my theatre teacher knows I’m here. I’m not going to get a detention or anything, don’t worry.”

He chuckled before adding, “Baljeet also asked me to take a video of Ginger singing ‘Chop Away at My Heart,’ since he can’t be here to see it himself. He had classes to teach.”

“Oh, I forgot about that!” Isabella said with a giggle. “I can’t wait to see her perform!!”

“Sooooo….” Buford rubbed his chin. “You two are singing a love song, right?”

Isabella and Phineas blushed a little.

“Yeah, we are…” Phineas replied. “‘Can’t Help Falling in Love,’ to be precise. But, we didn’t get to choose our songs! We both just happened to pick that one at random.”

(He didn’t want Buford jumping to any conclusions.)

Buford nodded. “That’s a great song! You guys probably had to spend a lot of time together to get it ready for today, huh?”

“Yeah, we did…” Isabella replied. She gave Phineas a shy smile. “It’s been fun.”

“Very interesting….” Buford mused pensively. “Two lifelong best friends, paired together for a project on a love song and given the opportunity to spend quality time together for the first time in years…what are the odds? And what could such an opportunity lead to? Would they rekindle their friendship? ...or would something more blossom between them?”

He spread his arms out, as if gesturing to a marquee for the film unfolding in his mind. “I can almost see the title now: Can’t Help Falling in Love.”

Phineas suddenly longed to crawl under his seat and never come out (or perhaps crawl under his seat and drill a tunnel into the floor so he could escape this situation). CLEARLY Buford was teasing them under the thinly-veiled guise of brainstorming a new script idea.

….Ferb probably put him up to this.

Isabella, on the other hand, couldn’t help but laugh at Buford’s spiel.

(She was far more accustomed to dealing with friendly teasing than Phineas, since she’d had more years of experience doing so.)

“Buford, no offense, but that’s probably the cheesiest film idea you’ve ever come up with,” she said. “...and that’s saying something because you asked us to help you make a movie about sentient cheese sophomore year.”

“Hey, cheesy doesn’t mean bad!!” Buford insisted. “And it would be based off of true events, which would make it authentic!! Audiences love authenticity.”

“Yeah, well, the ‘true events’ you’re referring to weren’t NEARLY as dramatic as that,” Isabella pointed out with a chuckle.

(This wasn’t entirely true...the past few days had certainly been sort of dramatic...but she wasn’t about to tell Buford that. At least, not in front of Phineas, anyway.)

“You are right about one thing, though.” Isabella took Phineas’s hand in hers and smiled at him. “Phineas and I DID rekindle our friendship because of the project. And I couldn’t be more glad.”

Phineas’s heart stuttered and his face flushed bright red because, after hearing Buford’s movie pitch, holding hands with Isabella and listening to her talk about him so fondly was a little overwhelming.

Thankfully, Isabella was looking at Buford again, so she didn’t notice.

Buford, on the other hand, definitely noticed.

(He was a hopeless romantic at heart, how could he NOT?)

Buford rolled his eyes good-naturedly as he stood. “Well, I’ll let you two ‘mentally prepare’ to perform now, just wanted to say hi. Have fun up there!

“Yup...horrible at keeping secrets….” he chuckled as he strode off to find a good seat. He glanced at his friends over his shoulder (Phineas seemed to have recovered by now, even though he and Isabella were still holding hands) and thought, “....from everyone but Isabella, anyway…”

“Bye, Buford!!!” Isabella called out.

She turned back to Phineas, who was smiling at her….and gulped.

Because looking at Phineas reminded her he’d invited her to hang out and celebrate the end of their project after soccer practice.

They’d be at his house. Spending time together. Just the two of them.

She couldn’t have asked for a more perfect opportunity to confess to him.

It was almost too convenient.

…..and her plan suddenly felt far more real than it had minutes ago.

“Alright, everyone!!”

Ms. Chase was on stage and clapping to get everyone’s attention.

“It’s time for performances to start!!” she called out. “Who’d like to go first?”

She glanced around the auditorium for a moment...and her gaze fell on a certain pair of students.

”How about...Isabella and Phineas?”

Isabella and Phineas started a bit.

They glanced at one another...and realized they were still holding hands.

And that everyone was staring at them.

“Are you two ready?”

Isabella and Phineas stared at their hands for a moment and then up at each other again.

Perhaps everyone was staring at them.

But neither wanted to let go.

So they didn’t.

“... are we ready?” Isabella whispered.

(Because suddenly she was incredibly nervous. And not just for the performance...but for what was to come after.)

Phineas squeezed her hand and gave her a reassuring smile. “...of course we are.”

(Perhaps he was somewhat nervous, but not because they were about to sing together. Performing with Isabella would be easy. If anything, he was nervous for later, for after school and soccer practice and what he had planned...but now was not the time to worry about that.)

Isabella smiled back as some of the butterflies in her stomach dissipated.

Phineas was right. They WERE ready.

They stood together hand in hand.

“Yes, yes we are!!!” Isabella called out.

...

THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING AAHHHH!!!!!! I spent a long time with this chapter, and I hope it was worth the wait!!!!!!!!

Thanks as always to the fantastic @youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal for being the best beta everrrrr!!!!!

(also! the bit about Nana Shapiro's handwriting was inspired by my late great grandma, who had the tidiest cursive ever and used to send me the sweetest letters! I miss her a lot, so it was wonderful to pay homage to her in this💕)

I'll see you soonish for chapter 9!!!! I've already started writing it and...it's gonna be a good one👀👀👀

#can't help falling in love #cadence writes #phineas and ferb #phineas and ferb fic #pnf fic #phinabella #phinbella #phineas flynn #isabella garcia shapiro #phineas and isabella #isabella and phineas #phinabella fic #phinbella fic #asdlkjfalskdjfalksdjf i am sO EXCITED ABOUT THIS CHAPTER AHHH

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cntrspll · 4 years ago

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this is a love letter to my own fic

hi hello hey, this is an essay about my own fic and the feelings i have about it. fic can be found here.

i am going to try so hard to keep this organized but i don’t know how well that will work soooo let’s go!

on the fic overall:

i just... like magnus. i think he is a fan fave for a reason, but i think there’s a lot of missing discussion of his post-canon situation and the development thereafter. when i finished listening to balance for the first time (in february-ish this year, i think?), i remember being super frustrated with where parts of the fandom had landed their focus. this isn’t an uncommon fandom thing, and i totally get where it comes from. some characters are just super relatable and a lot of fun to write about and have like absolute piles of stuff to unpack, so it’s totally fair that some characters get more focus than others, but where i felt that some of my faves got a lot of fandom focus, others... didn’t.

so this fic was in part an attempt to rectify that, because i wasn’t finding the unpacking of magnus and his emotional / mental state that i wanted. that being said, there are a couple fics that i did draw a little bit of inspiration from, the biggest probably being patterns of migration by goodnicepeople. the depiction of magnus as this big strong dude who also has these quiet vulnerabilities that he doesn’t like admitting to people is like, in part just really accurate to canon, but also something that i really wanted to see explored more, and i didn’t find a whole lot of other fics that fit that, so in part i just wanted to set out to put a little more into that.

also, like, i work in food service, and we are in a pandemic, and i moved in the middle of this year and i started hrt this year and have been dealing with the fallout of coming out and just kind of everything, and this fic was a really good way of just like, distracting myself from everything and sitting down for a little every day and thinking about something else and not so much about everything that was happening around me. so there is a good part of this fic that is just like, me coping with everything and trying to reorient myself a little. and it worked pretty well for that!

on process:

ok first things first, this was never meant to be 133k long. when i first sat down to write this, it was going to be a handful of snapshots set across [undetermined amount of time here] of magnus dealing with isolation and insomnia, and it was only meant to be like, maybe a 20k oneshot? that obviously did not happen. i think my original estimate once i accepted that this was gonna be multichaptered was like 60-70k, but then the chapters started getting longer with each one i finished, and then i wanted to add in an interlude, and then i decided i needed an epilogue, and here we are.

i’ll talk about this in other sections too, but as i wrote, i just kept finding more and more things that i wanted to talk about. i was also in the process of relistening to balance i was writing, and i kept running into little things that happened over the course of the show that i was like... oh shit! and that would inspire another scene or an interaction i wanted to write or something i wanted to focus more on, and the whole thing just kept getting more and more and bigger and bigger.

i’ve said it like 50 thousand times now, but i have never written anything this long before. i tried really hard to be regimented about the way i did it, because from the beginning i knew this was going to be an emotional journey for me to write, but i knew that if i let it slide for a week or so then i would never finish it. so to get through it, i wrote almost every day for a minimum of an hour. the process that i’ve found works best for me when i’m writing is using word sprints, putting on some music, and then forcing myself to tune out of social media and everything else for 25 minutes. i try to do between 750-1k words in that time period, then the site gives you a five minute break, during which i usually check twitter or fact check if i need to, and then i go back in and do another sprint. this works really well for me because i wasn’t trying to hit a specific word goal in any given day, just like... trying to sit down and write. i also tried not to guilt myself too much if i missed a day, or if i only did one sprint instead of two, or anything like that, and that’s kind of what helped me get through the whole monster without instantly dropping it as soon as i had another idea.

on mental health and recovery:

so one of my big personal pet peeves in fiction is the idea that trauma recovery is like, a one time single event deal. like, someone has this big horrible thing happen to them or they have some pressing mental health issue and then someone else walks in and they have one conversation and bam, everything is fine. i was exposed to a lot of [fan]fiction when i was younger that kind of supported this kind of narrative, and i get that there is a certain sort of wish fulfillment thing to that, but it also sucks, being an adult and having Problems(TM) and knowing that it absolutely does not work like that.

so when i set out to write a fic about trauma and mental illness and recovery, i felt kind of a responsibility to not fall into that trap and write it like, okay and then magnus and taako talk about it and taako’s like hey dude you’re depressed but it’s okay and then magnus doesn’t have nightmares anymore. also, because this is taz and the canon of like, historical accuracy is complete bullshit, i can put therapists and psychiatry and psychiatric medications in my fic and no one can tell me i’m wrong and it doesn’t exist. elevators exist, so i can make ssris and anti anxiety pills exist.

but also, magnus as a character is not going to jump into that right away. it is canon fact that he doesn’t like accepting or asking for help with stuff like this, and yes there are a couple big moments where he does, but like i bring up a couple times in the fic, mental health struggles are a big jump from like, a physical fight using swords and axes and shit. and this i think is really accurate to a lot of people’s struggles with mental illness, just taking that first step and admitting that you don’t feel okay, and that you need someone’s help to deal with it. that’s super super scary even to admit to like, your closest friends.

so that’s why magnus kind of shies away a number of times from some of the conversations that people try to start with him about mental health. taako and carey and lucretia and pretty much everyone else approach him at some point about opening up about this stuff, but he pulls away because admitting that kind of vulnerability to someone else is super scary, even if you’ve maybe admitted it to yourself already.

i also wanted to make sure that at the end of the fic, he wasn’t magically better. this is something else that i think people kind of forget, like... trauma and the problems that it causes don’t go away just because of therapy and medication. those things help, they help you reform the ways you think about yourself and about the world, but they don’t change the struggles you’ve been through or the sometimes biological problems that are causing whatever issue you’re having. and i remember reading a lot of fic when i was a kid where someone would be depressed, and then they’d fall in love and get magic dick or something and then they’d never be sad again, which... isn’t great.

but at the same time, i didn’t want it to end on this note like, oh everything is still bad even though he worked so hard to open up and get help, because that sucks, too. so it was really important to me that the fic end on a hopeful note, like, magnus isn’t cured. he still has bad days and bad weeks and sometimes he is just as low as he was before, but he also has like, normal days, which is something that i think you kind of forget can even exist when you’re depressed, or when you’re dealing with any mental illness. but like, i really wanted it to be obvious that things did get better and even if he’s still coping with it and it’s not going away, he’s okay. he’s gonna be all right.

on an unreliable narrator:

this kind of plays into some of the mental health stuff, but one thing that i love about taz that i really wanted to play into with this fic is the idea of limited perspective. griffin does some really cool fucking things with this, specifically in relation to the ipre and the big reveal in the last lunar interlude, with the idea of like... a character can only know the things that they know. like, magnus knows that there is a picture of him depicted as a red robe, and barry knows that they’re all red robes, and taako knows that they found the umbra staff next to a red robed skeleton and that the umbrella spelled out lup at one point, but none of them necessarily know all the things that the other person knew, and none of them know all the things that lucretia knows or that fisher knows or junior knows, etc etc.

unfortunately, just because the pace of the story picks up so much in that last lunar interlude, there isn’t a whole lot of space to explore that like, disconnect between all these facts that they each have as individuals. and given the perspective of mental health and the way that plays into your perceptions of yourself and your perceptions of other people’s perceptions, i really wanted to delve into like… magnus’s misunderstandings.

this is not a strictly straightforward unreliable narrator situation, but i did bring in some elements of that. i really wanted to explore the disconnect between how magnus sees and how everyone else sees him and his issues. there are also a couple moments where he flat out completely misinterprets their intentions, which unfortunately i didn’t delve into as much as i wanted to so they ended up mostly being fun easter eggs for, uh… me? i guess?

one of those moments is the scene in ch 4 where barry and magnus are sitting in the kitchen and barry starts to ask magnus something. magnus assumes it’s going to be about his mental health, and that this is barry stepping up as representative for everyone else to talk to him about it, but it’s really meant to be a precursor to their conversation in ch 6 where they talk about barry and lup and marriage and proposals.

magnus gets a little perspective on this later, i think in ch 7(?) where he’s thinking about how maybe their lives don’t completely revolve around him and he’s missing some of their perspective. but like, they all have their own shit going on, and they all love him and they’re worried about him, but also, barry is thinking about lup. lup is thinking about taako. taako is thinking about lucretia. lucretia is thinking about davenport, and davenport is thinking about his own issues, and so on and so on and they’re not all just like… waiting to pounce on magnus the second he shows weakness.

a lot of that plays into the hypervigilance of ptsd, too. magnus is very aware of any perceived threat, and he sometimes treats the people around him as threats, when all they’re doing in reality is thinking like, man i wish he didn’t live out here by himself all the time.

on a more meta note, i also have a tendency to make every character i write just like, a super good judge of character. i don’t think magnus is that, and i really wanted to lean into that. magnus does not read intention super well, even when that intention is genuinely good.

on the ipre and their relationships:

so i… really don’t write gen fic a lot. even when i do, it is almost always tinged with a little bit of background shipping, and there is some of that in this, but whereas in most fandoms i end up being a multishipper, for some reason with taz i’ve ended up pretty much only caring about the canon ships (sorry…). that being said, the platonic relationships in taz (and especially in balance) are some of the most compelling and important fictional relationships that i’ve ever encountered. like, they are just really well fucking done.

this being the magnus love letter that it is, i really wanted to focus on magnus’s distinct relationships with every member of the ipre crew. i don’t know how obvious this is in the actual narrative, but with the exception of the interlude and the epilogue, the story is broken down into one chapter for each member of the starblaster crew (in order, magnus, taako, merle, davenport, barry, lucretia, lup). i did this specifically because it was really important to me that i dive into all of them and their particular issues. i didn’t quite get the deep dive with merle or davenport that i would’ve liked to, but hopefully in the future i’ll get more time to explore that.

anyway, in case it isn’t obvious, lup is probably my favorite fictional character literally ever in any media created by anyone in the history of time. i say this only because a lot of this fic was set up to build to the conversation between her and magnus in ch 8 out on the mountain where he finally opens up for the first time. there are some really incredible unexplored parallels and relationships in taz (unexplored mainly because like, where would it even fit in canon), and while some of them are super self indulgent (ie, lup and mags, barry and mags), i really really really wanted to dig into those a little more. things like the conversation where taako is talking about everyone brushing over his trauma to rush to forgive lucretia, or lucretia talking about trying to learn to love writing again and recognize happy moments, davenport almost admitting that he’s not completely sure about stepping back into the family in his former role… i could write an entire fic on any of these, really.

but ultimately, this being a magnus fic, i tried to filter those conversations through a perspective of two things: first, how does this affect magnus and his mental health journey, and second, what can magnus do to help this. those scenes where magnus is trying to help someone with something and they’re like, backhandedly helping him are some of my favorite interactions in the fic.

the other thing i really really really wanted to explore that i never see enough of in fic is magnus and carey’s relationship. carey is canonically magnus’s best friend, and yet in fic i feel like she gets pushed to the side a little in favor of the starblaster crew. which i get, they’ve got a hundred and ten years of shared trauma, but also, travis flat out states that carey is magnus’s best friend, so… i mean, there is also a little bit of self indulgence here, because i am also a man who is exclusively best friends with lesbians, but you know.

that being said, i really wanted to emphasize that relationship in particular, which is why carey doesn’t have her own dedicated chapter and instead kind of slides in and out of each one and slowly helps magnus along the way. her personality i also feel is like, the exact kind of thing that magnus needs to push him into accepting / asking for help and moving towards recovery.

on real life parallels:

ok, i swear to god i did not intend to make this a holiday fic posted during the holidays. i started writing this in june, and again, it was only meant to be like 20k and not necessarily entirely set during candlenights. that kind of happened, anyway? candlenights just seemed like the best vessel to get all these characters whose post-canon situations i wanted to explore into the same room, and i finished the first draft around mid october and i wanted to give myself plenty of time for editing, so it honestly just ended up coincidentally aligning with the holidays. go figure.

that being said, isolation ended up featuring pretty heavily in this fic. that i think is to be expected to a certain degree given the nature of mental health and recovery and blah blah blah, but i probably unintentionally ended up leaning into it a little more because like… this year. and the holidays tend to be a time that a lot of us feel really isolated, and this year especially, but one of the big things for me this year is that like, all of my friends live out of state. the closest one to me is still a good 2-3 hour plane ride, which i am absolutely not risking. i had like a hundred plans to go see people and do things this year, and those obviously got cancelled.

probably the biggest one of those things was seeing a friend who i have kind of started a new years tradition of seeing, but we ended up calling that off out of safety considerations, of course. and it sucks! it’s not fun! i also moved out this year and i have my own place and in june i was really hoping that things would be okay by now and i could have all my friends come in from out of town for new years and that didn’t happen. and i wasn’t intending for this fic to be a kind of wish fulfillment of like, here’s my new place post-[saving the universe / coming out and becoming a real person], let me show my found family around my hometown and let’s make new holiday traditions together now that we’re no longer [fighting the apocalypse / literal children] and everything will be fun and happy and good, but that is kind of what happened anyway. [insert joke here that goes like “do you project your real world problems and mental health issues onto fictional characters or are you normal?”]

but yeah, magnus’s mental health struggles did kind of accidentally become a little bit of a pandemic / quarantine life parallel. i did not mean for that to happen, but it did help me tease out a little bit of what it is that i feel like i’m missing and what i want in the future when things are better, and i hope it helped some other people figure that stuff out too, maybe?

and in conclusion:

i said this a little bit in the final notes in the fic, but i am so so so grateful and emotional over the comments i’ve gotten from some of you. i’ve said it already, but this was such an emotional rollercoaster for me to write. i put a decent amount of my own mental health issues into the stuff i wrote into magnus, and it was genuinely therapeutic and like… super helpful and important. it was also a big struggle, and there were some scenes i came out of feeling incredibly drained and like i needed to not write for a week.

so that being said, those of you who have commented things about how this fic helped you deal with your own emotional turmoil or helped put something in perspective for you, i am genuinely so happy to hear that i’ve impacted you in that way like, at all. that is so incredible to me, and not necessarily what i set out to do, but it means so much to hear someone say that and also to know that someone felt comfortable sharing that with a stranger on the internet. thank you so so so much.

again, this fic means so much to me. the fact that it’s impacted even a handful of people in that way is absolutely amazing. some of the things you guys have said have had me seriously choked up. i am so glad that anyone even took the time to read all 133k of this, let alone that it affected people like that.

i don’t know if i’ll be writing more about magnus in this universe. i would love to! but i’m also super happy with where i’ve left his story. i have plans to explore the calen thing in the future, but only kind of tangentially in a side mention and not fully, so who knows? there is more though, a lot with taako and kravitz and lup and barry and hopefully one day i will find the motivation somewhere in me to flesh out everyone else’s situations a little more, too. who knows!

anyway, i just want to say thanks again to everyone for reading, and even more so if you are reading this dumb essay. you’re super cool.

#txt #fic talk

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leo-gold-hotchner · 4 years ago

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The Sinner -3

I wrote this while having sugar high induced insomnia... I mean it’s 4 in the morning in Sydney... sooo there might be mistakes.. So many fics on Tumblr and they’re all great, I wish I could write more descriptively. I didn’t watch Dexter after season 4, I think.. When I tried to rewatch it, it was already gone from Netflix..

English, sometimes you’re soooo difficult to write gender-neutral! Some sentences sound weird because I either used ‘the’ instead his/her or didn’t use it at all. Again, I’ve never been to America so I only know through Google and Criminal Minds show, feel free to tell me if there’s mistakes!

Criminal Minds BAU x Reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warning: Explicit description of blood, death, mutilation, swearing etc.

Previous parts: 1 2

—BAU—

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.” – Leo Tolstoy

“I have all day, take your time.” With a large grin, the hooded figure straddled on a wooden chair, arms crossed over the back of the chair.

“Just write what you know about ‘Sloth’ then I won’t inflict more pain.” The figure looked at the couple, both tied, gagged, only their hands could move so they could write.

“Of course, if you write entirely different from each other, you know what’s coming.” The figure held out a bloodied tool under the ominous light.

3rd Day

Each of the members of BAU appeared at the Station, though all of them was not surprised to see Hotch was already there with a coffee in his hand. They, however, a bit worried about their workaholic leader.

“Tell me, Aaron, did you sleep last night?” Rossi shook his head.

“A couple of hours,” Hotch replied as he handed folders to each member, dismissing the subject quickly. “We got the results for the animals.”

“Anaxyrus americanus known as American toad, Agkistrodon contortrix known as Copperhead snake, and Rattus rattus, just common house rat.” Reid quickly read through the file, his fingers moving quickly on the papers.

“So, are they from other states?” Morgan asked as he yawned, still hasn’t woken fully yet without having a proper morning coffee.

“No, they can be easily found here Pennsylvania,” the younger agent shrugged. “But both toad and snake take hibernation so unless the UnSub found them by luck, the UnSub may have been preparing the killings for sometimes.”

“Back to square one,” Prentiss groaned.

“There’s nothing we can do, is there?” JJ shook her head, frowning over the victims’ photos.

“We have to wait till the UnSub messes up,” Hotch sighed defeatedly.

Even after dinner last night, Hotch had been looking at the files several times to look for any lead. And he knew that goes for everyone in the team. This was one of the hardest parts of the job. Waiting for another person to be killed to catch a killer, can’t prevent the killing because they didn’t have any lead to catch the UnSub earlier.

“Can the toad and snake be found at pet shop?” JJ suddenly asked, remembering Henry babbling about wanting to have a snake pet, which JJ vehemently refused to have one.

“I don’t know about Agkistrodon contortrix because it’s actually a venomous viper not a snake, but American Toad, may be?” Reid arched his brows. “I believe, however, they aren’t popular pet to keep.”

“Right,” JJ nodded. “But it won’t hurt to ask Penelope to look for it, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Morgan concurred, quickly calling his dearest friend.

“I’ll do geographical profile as much as I can,” Reid told the team. “Emily, can you help?”

“Sure,” Prentiss hastily gathered her case files and started to look for any missing information to add the profile.

—BAU—

Surprisingly, the unit chief of the BAU found the forensic scientist easily who he’s been thinking for the past couple days. The scientist was twirling a pen, looking at some documents, supporting the chin. The forensic lab was clean, but it was empty. Within the white walls, no one but L/N was there as if L/S owns the lab.

“Excuse me.” Hotch’s voice echoed through the quiet lab, drawing a small yelp from the scientist and dropping the pen from hand. “I’m sorry for surprising you.” L/N shook head, but Hotch could practically hear the heart beating fast from the scientist’s pursed lips.

“Can I help you with something,” the scientist frowned, “Agent Hotchner, was it?”

“Yes,” Hotch nodded, rather glad he made an impression to the scientist. The scientist was wearing a lab coat, two pens in the breast pocket.

“Do you need something?”

“Actually, I wanted to ask you a couple of questions.” The BAU Unit Chief tried to be less professional in case such simple question might provoke unwanted anger from the scientist. But he knew he utterly failed from his voice echoing the lab to give such impression and the scientist’s furrowed brows. But furrowed brows were only brief, the scientist leaned back on the desk comfortably, both hands grabbing the edge of the desk loosely.

“Shoot it, Agent.”

Hotch was surprised. He was sure the scientist would’ve become defensive about him asking questions. Most people became defensive about him asking questions especially people worked in authorities. Most of them asked if he was interrogating them because he was suspicious of them, but this person didn’t.

“About what you said after you finished collecting evidence,” the scientist quietly muttered ‘trace’, “something about Dexter and Dante. I want to hear why you thought about it.”

“I said Dexter because the killer didn’t leave much of traces. Just google ‘Dexter’ you’ll know what I’m saying. It’s a TV series, Dexter who is both protagonist and killer, kills ‘bad’ people without leaving traces,” the scientist air quoted, “and Dante. I happened to like ‘Inferno’,” the scientist snorted amusedly. “I don’t remember the first two victims’ names but this guy’s name being ‘Benedict’ I was just amused because in ‘Inferno’ there’s a Pope who Dante hated and ironically the Pope’s name is Benedict. Though I don’t remember because the name’s in Italian not English -Benedetto or Benedicto or whatever- but his name is as same as Benedict anyway.”

Hotch nodded, but that wasn’t what Hotch wanted to hear from the scientist. It felt like he was having an itching spot but didn’t know where to scratch precisely.

“I can see you’re not satisfied with my answer,” the scientist smiled lazily as Hotch’s head jerked up, caught off-guard. “Don’t worry your face didn’t say anything. I was just guessing, but alas, I was right.” The scientist was chuckling, teasing the famous BAU Unit Chief. “Do you ask forensic’s opinion often?”

“No, but I don’t really get to meet a forensic who gives their thoughts about the crimes.”

“That’s true,” the scientist hummed. “We’re not puzzle solvers but mere guidance to solve the puzzle. I guess it just became a habit while helping my husband.”

That’s when Hotch saw cold fury among swirling emotions on the scientist’s eyes. It was a brief moment, but the profiler didn’t miss it. Was the fury because of losing the husband or was there more stories?

“Is it alright if I ask for your opinions?”

“Professional one or personal one?” The scientist grinned.

“Just your personal opinion is enough,” Hotch smiled a little, being more less professional.

“Alright, I can give you a personal one right now,” the scientist shrugged, “what if the killer is among us?”

“You mean the Force?”

“Well, killer seems to know too well about forensic countermeasure don’t you think?”

“You’d suggest one of your colleagues are the UnSub?”

“Anyone can become a killer, Agent Hotchner, whether it’s physical or not.”

—BAU—

4th Day

Nothing. They wrote every possible leads the found on the boards, but there was no concrete lead to find the UnSub. The geographical profile was not helping the case very much, this UnSub’s activity base was whole city for now. The team, right now, they were dozing off. Even a veteran profiler such as Rossi himself was just sipping his coffee while scrolling down his iPad idly, reading autopsy reports without much focusing.

“How’s my courageous crime fighters, today?” The enthusiastic voice echoed the room where half of the BAU members startled at the voice.

“Garcia! Since when were you there?” Reid hastily brushed his coffee from his brown jumper.

“Since my chocolate thunder turned the laptop on.” The blonde woman grinned on the small monitor along with Morgan.

“Well, you can pay their coffee by telling us you’ve got something,” Prentiss smirked as she watched her startled teammates.

“Right,” Garcia help up her pink hairy pen up, “I’ve been going through the victim’s mails, blogs, texts, that I can find. And I found some similar writings, phrase shall I say?”

“Phrase? Were they exactly same?” JJ arched her brows.

“Ah, no, my bad, not phrase. But nuance is similar. Three months ago, Erica Smith sent a text to her friend telling she wants thrill in her life because the life was bored for her. Two months ago, James Olson wrote a digital diary about how the world is unfair and bored to him and he was looking for blood thrilling experience. And Benedict Lewis has been a good writer, his opinion famous among newspaper readers here, but he wanted to stop giving opinions after getting several threatening letters from anonymous readers. He sent a mail seven months ago to his boss about he can’t be satisfied with writing newspapers and he’s looking for more in his life.”

“Did they suffer depression?” Rossi frowned as he had no recollection of the victims had suffered depression from their medical records.

“I don’t know about that, and there’s nothing more about bored, satisfaction, unfair stuff. It was only one time they wrote such things. But after that, Smith started to send expensive gifts to her family and friends, Olson got a Ferrari from nowhere, and Lewis started to criticise restaurants, buying brand new watches with his credit card. I can sense something’s involved here.” The team looked at the word ‘group’ written on the white board under the victims’ photos.

“If there’s a group, they might’ve offered to join the group.” Morgan tapped his pen.

“Is there any indication they were invited to some group or club?” Hotch asked the technical analyst.

“No,” Garcia shook her head in negative. “Those three writings were the only link between the victims I could find. I’ll send them to your iPads.”

“If they were offered to join the group, the problem is how did this group knew what they were thinking? The text, diary, and mail are personal stuff.” JJ inquired. “Can we see if they were hacked?”

“I don’t think so, there wasn’t any change in their mail or phone systems.” Garcia tapped her pink pen on her red lips. “Maybe they did but they did it discreetly. But how can you know unless a hacker hacked every other’s system too? It’s way too unproductive to find a member.”

“Garcia is right, I don’t think the victims were hacked.” Reid advocated Garcia. “But there’s no way of knowing if there is actually a group or how they were recruited for now.”

“Sadly, Reid’s right. Unless the UnSub messes, I don’t think we’ll have any lead to the UnSub.” Rossi sighed.

“It’s just a thought,” Hotch said hesitantly.

It was unlike of him to being hesitant to say his opinion, it surprised his team. Hotch, the BAU Unit Chief was always confident and that’s how the team knows and him being hesitant worried them.

“You don’t have to be all look serious,” Hotch huffed, trying to ease the tension. “What if, the UnSub is among the police force?”

“You know what you’re saying aren’t you?” Rossi glanced at the outside where the officers and detectives work busily.

“Like I said it’s just a theory,” Hotch sighed. Hotch saw Prentiss thought something after hearing him, her eyes shining with some idead. “Prentiss, what do you think?”

They have to always think outside of the box, but that’s very hard for anyone, especially someone who always think scientifically as Reid or Rossi and Morgan who sometimes can’t be flexible due to their bulldozer like personality. That also applies to him too, being stubborn and sometimes stereotypically militaristic when it comes to authority. But Prentiss was different, having been a spy she was rather flexible with her thoughts. And as a BAU leader Hotch was hoping a new profiler JJ could learn to be more flexible like Prentiss unlike him or the others. They, after all, have to think outside of the box.

“What if they’re both in the Force?” Prentiss suggested in a whisper as if someone is eavesdropping them.

“You mean the killer and the recruiter?” JJ asked her friend. Perhaps JJ was thinking same thing.

“Okay, I don’t get it?” Reid asked confusedly.

“You’re a genius, Spence, but I think you’ve been only focusing at what we found from the scenes.” JJ smiled fondly at the younger man. “What if the victims were contacted by recruiter in the Force because they called the police?”

“You heard JJ, baby girl,” Morgan leaned on the desk.

“Let’s see,” Garcia drawled, “if I can, oh! My lovely girls might be right! Erica Smith once reported about a stalker, Olson reported about being harassed by a group of teenagers. And Lewis reported his threatening letters while he was still a newspaper reporter.”

“Do we know who responded the calls?” Morgan asked.

“Yep, I’ll send the details on your phones. Be careful guys.”

“We always do,” Rossi laughed along with Morgan who winked at Garcia. “Now let’s find who responded.”

“Different officers responded,” Prentiss scrolled down on her phone.

“Rossi, Morgan, Prentiss go talk each of them. Ask if they notice unusual thing or even in the Force after they responded. And don’t ask anything that might be suspicious. We don’t want them to think we think there’s someone in the Force capable of doing this.” Hotch reminded his team.

—BAU—

Rossi was a gentleman, an Italian gentleman. But sometimes even a gentleman like him wanted to curse. The three officers didn’t notice anything unusual, rather they tried to help the victims as much as they could. The profiler walked the supermarket aisle looking for snacks for him and the team. He wouldn’t have budged to become an errand boy, but the team pushed him to have scissors-paper-rock and he lost. He was sure the younger members plotted against him. As he picked up several snacks, he saw a familiar face from yesterday. It was the forensic scientist who Hotch was interested in. Though Rossi was sure his friend wasn’t interested romantically, more like empathising, having common experience of losing their loved ones.

He saw the scientist kneeled in front of a child, and talking. It wasn’t his business, but he was curious, not many adults lower themselves to have eye-level with children. The scientist handed a phone to the child and the child immediately pressed numbers to call someone. The child’s guardian soon arrived and left with the child with thanks. Rossi saw a happy yet sad smile on the scientist’s face.

“A lost child?” The scientist flinched at Rossi’s voice but stood up, pocketing hands in the jacket.

“Yeah, he wanted to borrow my phone to call his dad. But had to tell him not to trust strangers,” the scientist shrugged at the profiler. “You’re one of the BAU team yeah?”

“Dave Rossi,” the older man smiled kindly at the forensic scientist who was still longingly glancing at the way the child had gone to. “Children are special.”

“F/N L/N,” the scientist replied simply, nodding at what Rossi said about children being special. “It’s just sad they’re vulnerable in this world. I didn’t know I’d see one of you guys here at all.” The scientist quickly changed the subject. Thinking of children made the younger person rather upset. Before Nick’s fall, they would’ve talked about adopting a child or two but that’ll never happen, and it made L/N sad and angry.

“They made an old man their errand boy,” Rossi dramatically sighed and L/N chuckled.

“I’m sure they love you. I gotta go, see you around, Agent Rossi.” The forensic scientist was gone, pushing an empty trolley.

Rossi briefly wondered about empty trolley, but it was nothing new someone pushing an empty trolley. So he shrugged off and went back to get more snacks for his team.

@evans-dejong

#Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds imagine #aaron hotchner #Agent Hotchner #david rossi #jj #Jennifer Jareau #derek morgan #spencer reid #emily prentiss #The Sinner Series

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the-bounce-back · 4 years ago

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THE “WRITING CURE” - 3 TYPES OF JOURNALING TO IMPROVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

Happy New Year, guys!

Yes, it is far too late to say that… but it’s my first post of 2021 and I’ve been procrastinating hella... so please kindly cry elsewhere if this is an issue. Thanks in advance!

I hope that everyone has had a fantastic start to the year despite the fact that we’re going to be held hostage in our own homes for at least another four months.

After giving myself time to throw a fit and and a little (massive and unnecessarily dramatic) strop after hearing the news about the new lockdown and calming down a bit, I started to contemplate how different it is this time around, for better or worse. Worse in the sense that it is a) the middle of f*cking winter so we can’t even enjoy being outside and have socially distanced pIcNiCs, and b) because it literally came out of nowhere so there was zero chance to mentally prepare for it. I literally woke up from a nap, checked socials and found out that we were suddenly on lockdown… Do you realise how mad that is?

Luckily, there are some silver linings with this lockdown that I brutally force myself to focus on so I don’t lose my sh*t. One thing is that most of us probably know by now how to keep some kind of structure to our days this time - because as much as binging trash tv, being horizontal for 75% of the day, eating, chatting shit on facetime for an obscene amount of hours, bunning and going to bed at 8 am was all fun and games the first time around, chances are that you realised pretty soon that your life was literally just wasting away and you have nothing to show for it… besides bedsores, losing all muscle definition and a migraine, that is. Yes, being lazy and unproductive is needed sometimes, but eventually you’re literally gagging for something to do - and this time around you probably have something creative or work-related to do that can keep your mind preoccupied.

Additionally, this lockdown comes hand in hand with the rollout of the vaccine, meaning that the end of this nonsense is coming closer and closer. Regardless of if you’re planning on taking it or not, it still means that the emotions that are a result of isolation and lack of social interaction won’t last forever - which, for me at least, is great news and makes things feel a lot less hopeless.

However, as much as focusing on the pOsItIvEs is imperative during times like these, it’s equally as important to acknowledge and feel your feelings. This whole situation f*cking sucks, let’s be real. We miss our families, we miss our friends, we miss going out, we miss going to the gym/having the option to go to the gym and making excuses not to. We miss our old lives, and the realisation that it is going to be what feels like eons until we can get back to that is bound to get people in their feelings from time to time… or all the time. I often find myself forcing myself to stay productive and creative, only to have the thought “What’s even the point?” attack me out of nowhere, and it really kills my vibe - because sometimes I can’t even think of a decent answer.

It’s dangerously easy to fall into a slump under these circumstances, regardless of how resilient and strong you feel that you are. Forcing yourself to find structure, purpose, inspiration and motivation during this time may be extremely important, but mate... it is exhausting. There’s only so much mental energy you can use to be ray of f*cking sunshine, and once that energy runs out, replenishing it is a huge task since you can’t even do the things you usually do to feel rejuvenated - because outside is locked off.

Ok, so I’m definitely projecting. But I know that a lot of people can relate to these occasional feelings of hopelessness.

This is where I’d usually remind you that these feelings are tEmPoRaRy and will pass, but I’m not going to do that because you’re probably sick of hearing it by now. Instead, I’m going to reintroduce you all to a coping method that you’ve all probably come across in your lives already - journaling.

As in, journaling with intent. I’m personally not very big on the whole “dEaR DiArY” thing where you just whine and b*tch and complain about people/yourself (but to each their own I guess), but I’m talking about writing about topics designed to aid your healing and to help you see the bigger picture of your mental health, and life in general.

I wrote a post a couple years ago about alternatives to therapy for those that aren’t keen on talking to a stranger about their problems (if you missed it, read it here), so I thought that this post could be an elaboration on that. Seeing as a lot of us may feel disconnected and isolated from our family and friends at this moment, getting into writing about your current mindstate, emotions and worries is definitely a healthy outlet that I would recommend to anyone that doesn’t want to bottle things up, but don’t feel like they have much choice.

“But Liv! I don’t have time to write endless pages about my feelings because I’m ~*extremely busy*~!”

I thought you might say that. First of all - extremely busy during a lockdown? Stop the lies please. Secondly, I’ve found that journaling is very much like going to the gym - once you’re into it and see the benefit of it you gladly set time aside to do it. However, if you view it as a gruelling chore that you’d less rather do than all the dishes currently in your sink, it’s very easy to come up with excuses to not do it. To be fair it isn’t for everyone, so if you try it and hate it it’s not the end of the world.

“Ok, you got me. I don’t want to do it because writing is LoNg”

I think what puts people off journaling has to do with the image that pops into their head. To this day I still imagine Elle Woods writing in a pink fluffy diary with a pink fluffy pen on her bed and kicking her feet in the air - which may be appealing to some (me), but cringe to other (uncultured) people. But journaling doesn’t have to be done on fancy stationary - you can literally do it in a word doc in bullet point form, or even record voice memos if writing is sOoOo LoNg. The idea is that you should find a method that works for you, doesn’t feel like a burden and that you can incorporate into your routine.

With that being said, I know a lot of people reading this will still think of excuses to not do it, so let me just focus on those that are open minded enough to try something new chile. I’ll be covering my three favourite journaling “methods”, that have helped me stay sane, motivated and in touch with myself. They are very much focused on emotional, spiritual and mental growth, and will encourage you to think outside of the box when it comes to your mindset and attitude towards challenges that may (will) arise.

What’s important to remember is that what works for me may not work for or resonate with you in the same way, so I definitely encourage further research into journaling/journal prompts that are tailored to your needs. Let’s get it!

1. Gratitude journals.

To say that a gratitude journal - as far as journaling goes, at least - is imperative for your mental health during times like these is definitely the understatement of the century. When you wake up and find yourself still being held hostage, that your body is still in an absolute shambles despite all the useless hOmE wOrKoUtS you’re doing AND on top of everything it’s f*cking snowing, learning to see things to be grateful for amidst all the stress and frustration might seem like a very difficult task. Especially when you feel like setting the whole building on fire.

However, trust me when I say that taking a few moments each day to appreciate the little things that are getting you through it all will make you realise that things could actually be a whole lot worse, giving you a slight boost in your mood and outlook - because imagine how you’d feel if the thing/person you’re grateful for wasn’t there to help you through what can be a really sh*tty time?

On top of just feeling better about this situation on a day-to-day basis, keeping a gratitude journal can also help you keep yourself grounded, present, self aware of what matters to you and just more mindful about life in general. When there’s not a whole lot of options of things to do, it can be very easy to fall into thought patterns of either wishing time would speed up so the future can come, or reminiscing on better and happier times in the past. I wouldn’t necessarily say that there is anything wrong with this from time to time, but it’s important to remember that life is still passing you by. On top of that, considering what made a kind of crap day bearable will help you realise that many of what we consider to be “bad days” are oftentimes a direct result of a negative attitude. Yes, I am projecting with this one.

With that being said, some days are genuinely just unfathomably horrible for seemingly no justifiable reason whatsoever - regardless of if you woke up feeling like a ray of sunshine or not. Again, even when bad moods aren’t a direct result of your stank attitude, practising gratitude can give you the motivation and kick in the arse you need to just ride the day out and remember that nothing that happens is permanent or unfixable.

Then, of course, there are the days when everything just feels like a burden - including thinking about positive things. Sometimes slumps just dropkick us in the throat out of nowhere, and it’s okay to take some time to allow yourself to be pissed off, sad and depressed. Obviously everyone has their own preferred method of riding out these slumps (my personal favourite is wallowing in it until I realise that I need to get a f*cking grip), but I definitely recommend trying to find something small you’re grateful for to remind yourself that it will pass, as this knowledge can make heavy emotions slightly lighter.

In terms of frequency, it really is down to the individual. I’m lazy in the sense that I don’t want to write every day, so at the end of each week I just write about three things that made things a whole lot easier and that prevented me from wilding the f*ck out. And in terms of what you put in the journal, the sky is literally the limit. It can literally be anything that has contributed to you keeping your sanity; last week it was katsu nuggets, the neosoul playlist I came across on Spotify and the fact that I was finally able to switch from a nose stud to a nose ring that made me feel grateful. So, in other words… don’t worry about it having to be profound or meaningful in any way.

2. Positive affirmations.

I’m going to go ahead and assume that you don’t live under a rock and that you understand the meaning of the saying that words carry energy and power, and the concept of speaking things into existence. When I first read about how the words we speak to ourselves and others can transform our internal states on a deep and profound level… all I could think about was how f*cked I am, as I literally only communicate in sarcasm, and brutal drags and insults are my love languages. In my defence, my sarcasm is a coping mechanism that has completely gone off the rails - but that’s a post for another day. The point I’m trying to make is that words have extreme power, and can, when repeated often enough, alter your attitude, perception and feelings about yourself, your goals in life and your current situation - for better or for worse.

So... technically we shouldn’t even be engaging in any kind of self-deprecating humor - because our brain doesn’t actually know the difference between seriousness and sarcasm/bants. All it knows is taking words at face value. BIG yikes.

With that being said, affirmations are powerful and positive statements that aim to direct your conscious and subconscious mind, as well as challenge unhealthy, negative and self-deprecating thinking patterns you might currently be engaging in. They can also influence your subconscious mind to access new beliefs - hence why saying them out loud and with intent on a regular basis is considered crucial for them to actually work. By intent I basically mean speaking your affirmations with conviction, like they are already true - regardless of how far away from them being true you may feel that you are.

In terms of writing positive affirmations that genuinely work, there are many different formats and methods out there that can be adjusted to the individual. I personally utilise a 3 step method that has been working well-ish for me so far - it’s still early days, but it’s definitely a positive habit that I’m trying my best to continue. The 3 steps are as follows:

1, Listing your perceived negative features.

Notice how I say “perceived negative features” as opposed to just “negative features”. This is important because more often than not, the things we are insecure about or don’t like about ourselves are only truly noticeable to us.

These features can literally be anything negative that has stuck with you over the years, regardless of if it’s a product of your own conclusions/internal critic or criticism/negative feedback from an external source. Usually they focus on your perception of yourself as a person, how you cope with life or the current situation you are in (e.g. home-/work-life, relationships etc).

The purpose of writing down things you don’t like about yourself isn’t to make you feel like sh*t, I promise. It’s to help you identify recurring themes in your insecurities, and to help you understand where these perceptions even came from in the first place.

2. Rephrasing your perceived negative features as a positive affirmation.

In this step, the aim is to find positive antonyms to the negative features you have listed. It’s important that the words you choose carry weight and resonate with you on an emotional level, while also feeling believable and attainable to you. This, because if you’re anything like me you’ll feel like you’re just lying to yourself if the affirmation is too over the top… which kind of defeats the purpose.

For clarity, here are a few of my perceived negative features (in the past), what they allude to and the affirmations I wrote for them:

- I worry too much about what other people will think about what I do, what I say, choices I make etc (fear of not being accepted/being talked about negatively) —> “I am feeling more empowered and self-assured as I release the need to care about others’ opinions”

- I’m too naive and keep letting people that don’t have my best interest at heart take advantage of my kindness (fear of disappointing people, fear of abandonment) —> “I am a kind, empathetic, loving person, and I am not at fault for showing kindness to people that didn’t deserve it”

- I hate the way my body is built and I constantly feel unattractive (low self esteem/confidence, body dysmorphia) —> “my body is beautiful, built exactly as it was meant to be, does all it can to ensure that I am strong and healthy and is immune to both internal and external criticism”.

3. Repeating your affirmations regularly.

This is where the ~*magic*~ happens. Yes, I am aware that telling yourself that you are that b*tch while looking into your own eyes in the mirror sounds very cringe and very coming-of-age-Netflix-original-for-tweens like. I can’t lie, it was in the beginning and I felt absolutely ridiculous… especially because a lot of my affirmations didn’t reflect how I felt about myself at the time. But as you incorporate repeating your affirmations into your daily routine, you’ll eventually start to feel a shift in your mindset towards yourself. The words you speak begin to chip away at the self-doubt and self-hate that you’ve built up over the course of your life, and you feel like you actually are stating facts instead of just trying to convince yourself.

Besides forcing myself to speak my affirmations out loud on a daily basis - regardless of how I’m feeling - I also make an effort to review them every couple of weeks to make sure that they are still relevant to how I feel about myself. Ideally, over time you’ll realise that the affirmations you made in the past confirm what you have always known deep down - that you are more than enough exactly as you are.

3. Shadow work.

Ok, so this sounds very dramatic, scary and ominous - and can’t lie, it can be if you allow yourself to be afraid of facing certain parts of yourself. In very brief terms, shadow work refers to the uncovering, processing and healing of different aspects of our “shadow” - which is essentially all the thoughts, emotions and behaviours we suppress and hide away in order to be perceived as “normal” by others around us. This might not seem like a problem, but the issue here is that the concept of “normality” and what is considered to be “normal” is in itself deeply rooted in the individuals past experiences, and especially childhood. For example, a person that grew up in an environment where expressing emotions and vulnerability/sensitivity was seen as a weakness may have problems with expressing their emotions as adults - since they have been conditioned to believe that emotions are a weakness, and are meant to be hidden away in order to be accepted.

As you can probably imagine, going through life with these false truths ingrained in your mind have a tendency to eventually come to the surface in some way in the future. Constantly feeling like you are restraining certain parts of yourself - regardless of if you’re aware of this or not - can manifest as issues such as mental and physical illness, feelings of low self-worth/esteem, addictions and many others issues that affect our life quality severely. These repressed aspects of ourselves are referred to as our “shadow selves”, and if we don’t “bring light” to the shadow - i.e. face the qualities we have that we have held back for so long - it can truly hold us back from reaching our full potential in life.

With that being said, shadow work encourages you to force yourself out of denial about certain aspects of yourself, accepting it, and working on unpacking and bettering those aspects without judgment from your ego. I personally struggled a lot in the beginning of my shadow work jOuRnEy because it was infinitely easier to think of myself as a victim of others doings, rather than a combination of other people’s actions and how my ego and shadow self chose to react… if that makes any sense. I used to hate doing shadow work, because I felt so ashamed and angry at myself for allowing my ego to be distorted by lies and other peoples’ projections for so long.

However, when these feelings arise and you feel like quitting - because WHY should healing be so f*cking painful - it’s actually a sign that you are headed in the right direction. Messed up, I know. But over time, you’ll become so used to sitting with your negative feelings towards yourself that they don’t even really phase you anymore, and you can admit that your shadow self and ego has caused you to form unhealthy habits and thinking patterns that can be detrimental to your mental health. Over time, you’ll develop a great sense of self awareness and self compassion, as well as great psychological, emotional and interpersonal maturity.

Trust me. Being able to admit and accept that you are flawed without being harsh on or hating yourself is a BIG flex, and makes you unf*ckwittable. I actually dare someone to come and drag me for something I haven’t already dragged and forgiven myself for, because I haven’t had a good laugh in a while.

So, the bottom line with shadow work isn’t to bring light to your flaws to feel like shit about yourself (although you definitely will). The point is to bring said flaws to the surface, understand where they stem from, consider why and how it has affected you, and becoming aware of your triggers. Setting time aside a certain time each week to do this work and understand yourself on a deeper level gives you power over your ego, shadow self and triggers, because doing the work helps you see and understand that they don’t really have power over you unless you let them.

In terms of format, I really just do whatever feels right when it’s shadow work o’clock. If I’ve had a particularly sh*tty week and can assign the blame to one of my shadow aspects, I literally just freestyle and write whatever comes to mind (my journal has SUFFERED this lockdown, honey). If nothing comes to mind, I like to make use of journal prompts that are designed to get you thinking and reflecting. I literally just get them online because I’m lazy, but here are some good ones to get you started:

- How judged do you feel on a daily basis? How much of said judgement is real and how much is imagined?

- What does it feel like to have your emotions belittled and downplayed?

- What has fear held you back from? Do you blame yourself or others?

- In what ways are you inauthentic?

As you can see, these prompts do not f*ck about. They’re going to get you in your feelings, make you feel weak and vulnerable and cry like a little b*tch, if you’re anything like me - not that there’s anything wrong with that! But the best part is that once you’ve finished writing, sat with all your negative emotions, accepted them and decided you are ready to move forward and heal, your triggers become less and less powerful - until the day comes when they’ve dissolved completely.

So, there you have it - three tools to help maximise your inner connection to your mental, physical, spiritual and overall wellbeing. As previously mentioned, there are tonnes more different journaling methods that can trigger a positive change in your mental health, and I definitely recommend looking into this and trying them out… wHeN yOu HaVe ThE tImE.

On that note, I want to reiterate that journaling shouldn’t be feeling like a time-consuming burden that you have to put a gun to your head to do every time - because brutally forcing yourself to do it is just going to make you feel sh*tty when you don’t/can’t/won’t follow through. It’s all about finding a time during the day, week or month (whatever frequency is best for you) that you set aside to really get in touch with and sit with your feelings. At the end of the day, it truly is a commitment that you make to yourself - and only you can decide how seriously you want to take this commitment. I will say this though - being inconsistent, procrastinating, skipping or making excuses to not do it only leads to distrust of the self. And If you can’t show up for yourself, how can you expect others to show up for you?

Check me out, leaving you all with food for thought and sh*t (and like I haven’t been ignoring the deadlines I’ve been setting for myself for weeks. Hypocrisy is and always will be my favourite pastime!). It’s giving Eckhart Tolle and I love it. The bottom line is that journaling can be a very powerful tool in your healing process, and it’s up to you to make it work for you.

Until next time!

Love,

Liv

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bbrandy2002 · 5 years ago

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Happy Birthday @jessiembruno

Wacky Drabble 32: Papi Had A Rollin Stone

Prompt: I never lied to you.

Liam, Jessica, Leo, and Drake

It’s been a loooooong time since I wrote one of these. I just had to make time for this lovely friend who I first read and met when we were among only a handful who posted the very first wacky drabbles for @emceesynonymroll last summer

Jessie gave me ideas for plots and scenarios she wanted me to write for her…mostly revolving around, her Leo, who I freaking adore. It will not be anywhere close to as good or funny as she writes Leo, but I gave it my best effort. The best I could guess when it comes to writing for him is, anything goes. If it popped into my head, I had none of my usual reservations and just typed it out…lol

Jess, you are one of the sweetest and funniest people I’ve met here. I’m so glad to call you a friend. I hope you have an awesome birthday!!!

***This was soooo inspired by a FRIENDS episode and some of the dialogue comes from it, with some creative differences to accommodate Drake and Leo’s part. (The One Where Phoebe Gives Birth).

THE PALACE–CORDONIA

Liam had grown tired of the neverending, annoying pregnancy symptoms. Nine months of mood swings, weird midnight cravings, stealing his shirts because nothing else fit anymore, waking up at all hours of the night because of a bad dream about the baby, and the constant crying at the drop of a hat.

Leo had become too much.

When it came to pregnant Jessica, Liam would bend over backward to make her comfortable; he was surprised that he rarely had to. She possessed that strong Garcia blood in her veins with a tenacity and strength that left him in awe of her.

Leo, however, had become an even bigger pain in his ass since Jessica announced her pregnancy. From the beginning, Leo had inserted himself into every facet of the pregnancy; from claiming equal importance, referred to the baby as “our baby,“ fought with him over feeling the baby’s first kicks, and considered Liam – the baby’s father – the third wheel.

Sympathy pains were just one of his latest nuisances to pop up.

Liam walked back to his quarters after a long, arduous day in the office. He was exhausted from a lack of sleep after Leo woke him up last night with indigestion. Liam questioned why Leo would enter his quarters, walked past the kitchen and awakened him for a glass of milk at midnight. Apparently, Leo wanted to also be held and reassured the baby would be okay. Jessica offered to get up with him but Liam insisted she stay in bed and rest and he would take care of his brother. He really wanted to take care of his brother.

Leo cried to him for three hours, wondering if he was still desirable and sexy before he finally fell asleep on the couch.

Liam wanted the old Leo back … the one who used his credit card to buy everyone at that Greek bar a drink without him knowing, who got him sloppy drunk and married him off to a stranger – that he also had a threesome with that bride on the same night – who had caught Liam masturbating into Jessica’s shoe while he cried his eyes out over her. He would gladly take back that Leo. This newest Leo was weird as fuck.

Liam pulled out the key card to his quarters, swiped it through the keypad, and had just opened the door when he heard his name being called from behind him. A member of the maintenance staff approached with several white take-out bags stuffed with styrofoam containers.

“What is all this?” Liam asked curiously of the elder man who he once caught in the laundry room with Regina, holding two large hamsters and a container of Crisco.

“Sir, I have a DoorDash from … let me seeee … Pickled Pink, for Queen Jessica and Prince Leo.” The man shifted the large bags around in his arms then passed the heavy load over to Liam.

Liam looked over the bags that he struggled to carry in his arms and hoped Jessica’s pelvis was wide enough to birth their inevitable 30-pound baby after eating all this food. His pants started to tighten just thinking about Jessica’s even more curvaceous hips. A lot more cushion meant even tighter pushin. The guard noticed and began to wonder if it was he who was making the king salivate and bulge in his pants.

”Your Majesty,” he stated with a suggestive tone, “I’ve got a couple of minutes to burn if you wanna … you know.” The maintenance man repeatedly thrust his tongue into the inside of his cheek and wiggled his eyebrows.

“GOD NO!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!! AND STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY LAUNDRY ROOM!”

While doing a balancing act with Leo and Jessica’s DoorDash, Liam turned and nudged the door open with his shoulder. After entering his quarters, he turned the corner into the living room.

“Squeeze … hold … release … and squeeze … hold … release …”

Liam’s eyes went wide when he saw Leo and Jessica sitting on the floor, their backs leaned against the front of the couch and their legs stretched out in front of them. Scattered around them were several empty containers of Chinese, boxes of pizzas, what appeared to be Dorito taco bowls, bags of peanut M&M’s dispersed across the floor, and half-empty glasses of strawberry milkshakes.

With their eyes closed in full concentration mode, they hadn’t noticed Liam was standing there, glaring at them in bewilderment.

Leo’s measured voice continued to call out. “Squeeze … and hold … and release …”

“What the fuck happened in here and what are you two doing?”

Leo’s eyes popped open and he looked to his younger brother, answering matter-of-factly. “Just what it looks like, pendejo - we’re doing our Kegels.”

Liam furrowed his brow. “Leo … you don’t have a … uhh …”

Leo rolled his eyes and huffed exaggeratingly. “Don’t need it; Papi Chulo likes to keep the Big Mushroom thick and robust. Watch what I can do.” Leo leaned over to the end table and picked up a paperweight. He placed it on the crotch of his gym shorts, moved his hands to the side, and started moving it up and down with only his carajo. “I can lift a brick with this power tool … pretty impressive, huh? Ohhh is that my fried pickles?

Liam grimaced and shook his head – somewhat in disgust of watching his brother power lift his great-grandfather’s paperweight with his dick, and the other part from the increased food consumption.

“You ordered all 10 of these fried pickle containers for yourself?”

“God, Liam, no! Do you think I’m some kind of animal? One of them is for Jessica.”

“Yeah, that’s … that’s much better.” Liam replied sardonically before he dropped all of the bags onto Leo’s lap and watched in disgust as he and Jessica began to ravage through them.

Liam slid a pizza box to the side and cleared a path of garbage to walk over to Jessica, who smiled at him with a mouthful of fried pickles. He bent down and placed a kiss on the top of her forehead. “Kegels, huh?” He smirked a twinkle in his bright blue eyes, getting charged over the prospect of her tightness around him. “I’ll try to forget the fact that you’re doing them with … my brother.”

Jessica chewed and swallowed hard, while Liam’s thumb wiped the ranch dressing from the corner of her mouth. “He’s a good workout partner, Liam. Drake never wants to do Kegels with me anymore.”

Leo laughed out loud with a mouthful of food that flew everywhere. “That’s because Drake is already a pussy!”

Liam crouched down beside Jessica and took hold of both of her greasy hands. “Come on, love, let’s get you off the floor and somewhere more comfortable.”

As Liam pulled her up from the floor, Jessica felt a gush of fluid stream down her legs, leaving a very visible wet mark down the insides of her yoga pants.

Jessica peeked down and saw the remnants of wetness left behind. She looked back up at Liam. “Shit! I think my water just broke!!”

Without warning or hesitation, a frantic Leo tossed his food aside, jumped up, and shoved Liam out of the way. “Oh, God! It’s HAPPENING!! The baby is coming now?! I haven’t sterilized the apartment yet! We haven’t checked the durability of your nipples! The mucus plug is still intact! How will the baby come out now?!?! Oh, the fucken humanity!!!” Leo glanced down to the ground where a stunned Liam was hunched over on all fours. “Dammit! Liam now isn’t the time to lay around! Call for a fucken car … our baby is coming!!”

“LEO!!!” Liam shouted while he pushed himself up from the floor and wrapped his arms protectively around Jessica.

Liam instructed Leo to get Drake and have the white Navigator ready out front while he took Jess upstairs to change and clean up.

Leo nodded to Liam, called him a jizzslobber, and agreed to do exactly as he was told. After Leo ran and slid out the door of his quarters, Liam pulled the phone from the inside of his suit pocket and hit the contact for Bastien. “Bastien, I need you to meet Jessica and me in the black Navigator parked in the service garage, ASAP.”

Jessica rubbed her hands over her swollen tummy as she walked with Liam up the stairs and turned to him “I thought you told Leo we were taking the white one?”

Liam grinned wide. “Change of plans, my love.”

SERVICE GARAGE-PALACE

After Liam helped Jessica clean up and change, he grabbed their hospital bag and climbed inside the black SUV where Bastien was waiting. Just as they pull out of the gates, Leo and Drake popped their heads up from the third-row seat. “AHA!!! I knew it!!”

Startled, Liam twisted around to face him. “Leo! What the fuck are you doing in here? I told you to get the white SUV.”

Leo crossed his arms on the back of Liam’s seat and sneered at him. “I knew you were trying to pull some fast shit. You didn’t look me in the eyes, little brother, and you were squirmy as fuck. Everyone knows that’s the telltale sign of lying. I’ve never lied to you, except that one time I told you it was Drake that left the KY jelly and anal plug in your office desk. They were mine. Besides, Jessica texted me and told me your plan about the switcheroo. The lies keep piling up, Liam. It’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

Liam clenched his jaw and turned to Jessica. “Why would you tell him that, love?”

Jessica shrugged. “He’s my focal point for breathing. I need him.”

Drake ran a hand down his face and spoke up. “How the fuck did I get dragged into this? I swear to God if I see your snatch, Garcia, I’m gonna fucken annihilate your focal point.”

Liam snapped his head toward Drake and gawked. “NO ONE IS SEEING JESSICA’S … PRIVATE AREA!”

Leo flicked his hand dismissively and patted Jessica on the shoulder. “Don’t listen to him, Jess. Remember … listen to my voice … find your inner sanctum … your aura perimeter…ooohhhhhmmmm.” He closed his eyes and placed his hands near both sides of his head with his middle fingers touching his thumbs. “Oohhhhmmmmm …”

Drake smacked a hand to his own forehead before he shouted, “Bastien!! Let me out of this fucken SUV! I’m not listening to this fucken shit all the way there. I’ll fucken walk the rest of the way.”

Before Bastien could acknowledge him, Jessica plunged forward and clutched her stomach. “Owwwww! I think I’m having a contraction!!!”

This only made Leo go louder. “OOOHHHHHHMMMMMMM.”

Liam reached for Jessica’s hand and squeezed it tighter. “It’s okay, love. I’m here. Listen to MY voice.”

It was a continuous cycle of, “Ooohhhmmm”s” and “Owwww’’s” and “Let me the fuck outs” and “It’s okay, my love’s” all the way to the hospital.

CORDONIA MEMORIAL HOSPITAL

The SUV pulled into the private entrance of the hospital where paparazzi were already waiting.

Liam stepped out, cursing to himself over the assumed leak to the press, and helped Jessica slide out his side of the vehicle.

Bastien and Drake immediately began shuffling the crowds to the side and yelling at them to get back.

Leo followed closely behind Jessica and Liam and reached into his pants pocket. “Hey, Liam!” he yelled.

Liam turned to face him. “What?”

Leo threw a pink glitter bomb that landed squarely in the middle of Liam’s chest, which created a sparkly poof of epic proportions around him.

Liam started coughing ferociously and rubbed his itchy eyes. “Leo! You motherfucker! Why in the blue hell did you just do that?” He continued to cough and wipe the shit ton of pink glitter that was plastered on his shirt and spread into his golden hair.

Jessica covered her face while she snickered uncontrollably. “You really got him good, Leo.”

Leo swiped the air around him to avoid the tiny particles of glitter floating through the breeze. “Look, man, it was getting entirely too serious back there. Jessica and my gummy bear need a stress free aura perimeter. See how happy she looks now?”

Jessica picked a piece of the glitter off her tongue and wiped it on Liam’s shirt: “I do feel happier now that my aura perimeter has become more sparkly. Thanks, Leo!”

Leo stood taller and winked at his brother. “Told ya!”

Liam shook his head and let out a heavy, sigh. “Let’s just get in here … and both of you leave your damn aura perimeters outside!”

MATERNITY WING –EXAM ROOM

Inside the exam room, Jessica was dressed in a hospital gown and laid on the bed hooked up to the monitors. Liam was at one side stroking her hair, and of course, Leo was on the other side drawing faces with boobs on balloons he made of out of latex gloves and assigned each one hooker names from Cordonian nobles. Musty Madeleine, Hootered Hana, and Deepthroat Savannah. The last one was, Choke-A-Bitch Bertrand – their spoon lovin pimp.

Jessica felt another sharp pain spread across her stomach and bore down harder onto Liam’s hand. “ FUCK!!!! THIS HURTS!!!”

Liam’s face fell into her busting cleavage and yelped, “ Love, my hand..my hand…my hand!”

Leo was getting frustrated by the wait and swept aside his lineup of rubber hookers and the one peculiar-looking pimp. “Wheres the fucken doctor at? Gummy bear could be coming out right now and no one is here to catch her. I guess I’ll have to save our baby!! Leo shuffled to the end of the bed and started to lift the sheet that draped over Jessica’s leg before Liam yelled for him to stop.

“Fucken Liam! You’re supposed to be ohming and not yelling at me!”

“Fuck your ohhhmm bullshit, Leo! It’s stupid anyway.”

Leo shifted his posture and took a more defensive stance. “Take it back Liam…I mean it.”

“Go ohm yourself, Leo.”

Jessica gripped the sides of her bed and yelled out, “IM STILL IN PAIN!!! AHHHHH!”

Leo suddenly felt a ripping pain and grasped his lower stomach before he fell to his knees. “AHHHHHHH! What the hell is that?”

Liam massaged soothing circles over Jessica’s arm, deliberately ignoring the fact that Leo had just crumpled to the floor. “Sweetheart, I love you so much, just breathe through the pain.”

Leo cried out, “I’m trying, but it’s not helping…ahhhhhh!!”

Liam had become frustrated with Leo long before this day began but now felt he was taking these sympathy pains to the extreme.

Drake knocked on the door and slowly inched his way in while covering his eyes with his hand. “ Everything okay, you guys? Thought I heard a fucken hyena in here.”

Leo tried to stand, but the pain ripped through him even more, causing him to lurch back to the ground. “ Ahhh! It’s this pain in my lower stomach. I knew I shouldn’t have fucked that cashier in a White Castle bathroom without a rubber!!!”

Liam could tell by his brother’s writhing in the fetal position on the floor that he really was in a lot of pain. On the flip side, this would be the perfect opportunity to get Leo the hell out of here. He cleared his throat, “Drake, would you mind taking Leo to get checked out? I’m really concerned about him.”

Drake lowered the hand that covered his eyes and his gaze immediately fell on Leo. “You gotta be fucken kidding me? There’s nothing wrong with this douchebag that a few days worth of strong antibiotics and ointments wouldn’t clear up.”

“NO! I have to be here for the birth of our baby! If she sees Liam’s ass chin before I can prepare her, the results could be disastrous!”

Liam scrunched up his face and placed a finger over his chin. He didn’t have an ass chin and had no idea what the hell Leo was talking about. With a desperate look in his eyes, he turned to his oldest friend. “Please, Drake.”

Drake pinched his nose for a moment then dropped his hand to his side to reluctantly approach Leo and help him up. “Fuck it! Come on.” He placed one of Leo’s arms around his neck then Drake wrapped his arm around the sides of his waist and led him to the door; Leo shouted Spanish, and what sounded like a cricket in his ear the entire way. As they made their way past Liam, Leo stopped long enough to give his brother some last-minute advice before he parted. “She’s not wearing a bra or panties right now, hombre. I packed an extra shoe in her bag in case your kinky ass needs to choke your monkey. Kapeesh?”

CORDONIA MEMORIAL HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM

Leo was lying partially on his side, holding his stomach, while Drake stood next to the head of his hospital bed. A doctor studied an x-ray that hung to a viewer on the far wall, then flipped the light off of it, removed the film and turned to face Leo and Drake.

Leo glared at the doctor, “What is it, doctor? You can tell me. I can take it…is it The Clap? Its the Clap isn’t it? Oh God! I got The Clap, Drake!! Why does all the bad shit happen to me?”

“Don’t talk to me, Leo,” Drake groaned.

The doctor inched closer to the men, “Mr. Rhys…its not..the clap…I’m afraid you have kidney stones.”

“What? Kidney stones? Is that like slang for Gonorrhea?”

“No, sir. Its slang for kidney stones.”

Leo returned a half-hearted smile. “Doctor…Wh…what else could it be?”

“Kidney stones.”

“Orrrr?”

“Kidney stones.”

“But if it was something else…”

Drake had finally had enough of the back-and-forth exchange and yelled out, “Its fucken kidney stones Leo! You’ve got rocks in your pee-pee man!”

Leo’s eyes widened and his gaze went from Drake and back to the doctor.” Is that true? How do I get them out doc? I can’t be smashing some chics ass with rocks weighing down my Papi cock, I got a rep to maintain.”

The doctor regarded him thoughtfully. “Ordinarily, we try to break the stones up with shock waves, but yours are too close to the bladder. This means we can either wait for you to pass them … or … we can go up the urethra.

Drake began to chuckle before he clapped Leo on the shoulder. “You are sooo fucked dude.”

Leo shrugged Drake’s hand off of him and shook his head. “FUCK THAT! NOTHING IS GOING UP ANYTHING. UP IS NOT AN OPTION…WAIT…WHATS A URETHRA?

“It’s the hole you piss out of, man.”

Leo’s head snapped back to the doctor. “ ARE YOU FUCKEN CRAZY?!”

30 minutes later

Leo was screaming on the bed while he jerked Drake around in a headlock. “Ohh! Get these things out of me!”

“Breathe! Breathe through the fucken pain, Leo!” Drake instructed while Leo continued to bounce his head around.

“I want the drugs, Drake! I want the drugs!” he cried out while rocking back and forth, taking Drake with him.

“I do too! I do too!”

5 more minutes later

Leo was laying back on his pillow, recovering from one of the most painful experiences of his life as he sought to catch his breath. “Oh my God.”

Drake squeezed Leo’s arm with a look of pride in his eyes. “You did it, man. That was fucken incredible, Leo!”

The doctor approached the two with a small, clear contain that held the two kidney stones Leo had just passed. He shook it in front of him, “Would you like to see them?”

Leo nodded and reached out to take it from him. He held them in front of his face and Drake leaned in closer to get a better look. Leo smiled at them. “They’re so small, Drake.”

A knock on the door pulled the two men from their attention on the tiny, ragged stones Leo held affectionately in his hand. They looked up to see Liam entering the room.

“Hey! I heard what happened. Are you okay, Leo?:

“Yeah. My dick hurts like a motherfucker, but in the end –” he held up the container, “–I have these two little cuties to show for it.”

Perma tags: @emceesynonmroll @romanticatheart-posts @burnsoslow @dcbbw @ao719 @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @hopefulmoonobject @texaskitten30 @drakesensworld @janezillow @merridithsmiscellany-blog @mskaneko @loveellamae @queenjilian @sirbeepsalot @pedudley @caroldxnvxrs @jovialyouthmusic @forthebrokenheartedthings-blog

#liam x mc #liam and jess #prince leo #choices trh #happy birthday jessica

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my-arlington-academia · 5 years ago

Text

Teasing Tadashi fic 😊💘💝

I swear I was writing this before chapter 9 came out! At first this was supposed to be more angsty until I remembered that I suck at writing angst and that... I don't enjoy writing it as much as reading it from someone else soooo... have fluff!!!💖💕 in the original script Scholar, Ellie, Tyler and Axel had formed an "alliance" to prank Tadashi. But after a while he started feeling like they hated him and that he was getting bullied, I almost made him cry then I was like "nope. nu-huh. I can't write this." Of course there was comfort at the end with them apologizing and Scholar explaining that the reason why she was messing with his so much was because she had a crush on him and had no idea how to deal with it.

Uhh... anyway! To brighten up I made this and I'm much more happier with it! Well you guys know the drill, last time I wrote Scholar as a he so Scholar is a she again in this one. And I realized that I'm switching only between the she/her and he/him pronouns but that's because I'm not confident in using they/them, I'm scared that if there's a group of people in my fic, it'll be confusing because the readers will think "wait, is it the group of people or is it Scholar that the narrator is talking about?" It may be a really stupid reason but this is the type of thing I'm sure I can mess up with because I'm a dummy dum 😖

Also, Layelle's super cute drabble inspired me (*cough* @arlingtonssweetheart *cough*) so this fic will have a lil bit of Japanese too. And it'll be written like this. This fic is about 2000 words long and for some reason I wasn't able to put a "read more" like usual... probably because I'm on mobile. I'm terribly sorry about that! You guys will have to scroll through all of that... 😖

edit: I added the “read more” thingy!

Okay! Enough rambling!! Please Enjoy! ✊😍🤗

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When she met him, Scholar knew right away just how fun it would be to mess with the student body president. His back was always arched and he spoke in a slightly presumptuous manner. He had a very confident walk, he always knew exactly where he was going and his handshake was very solid. He was overall a really proud and level-headed person... which would make it really satisfying if he were to lose that pride even if it was just for a few seconds.

Scholar's intention wasn't to bully him, of course. At least not in a mean way. But whenever she got the chance to tease him, she took it. At first she wasn't making a conscious effort out of it but gradually, as time went by, her head started filling up and she would always think about Tadashi. It was becoming harder and harder to focus in class with the target of her affection seated right next to her. However, she at least had the decency to wait until the end of the lesson for the teasing, she didn't want him to think that she was being a bother.

"Tadashi, teach me something in Japanese."

Without any warning, Scholar whispered in his ear and as expected, he got a jolt. Tadashi would definitely be the type of person to use ASMR to fall asleep, his sense of hearing is so sharp. With how close her face was he wasn't able to look at her in the eye and answered while still looking ahead.

"What do you want to know?"

Scholar backed away from Tadashi's personal space and smiled warmly. However instead of smiling back, Tadashi got chills down his spine. He knew that this was the smile she always used before teasing him in ridiculous and sappy ways.

"Tell me how to say "you're beautiful" pretty pleaaase?"

He already knew where this was going, yet he answered anyway.

"You're beautiful"

"Aww... thank you"

He knew this was coming. He knew and yet he still blushed and became red like a beet while Scholar looked really proud of herself, as if she had just pulled off the smoothest move even though it was really absurd.

"You're being so silly right now..."

He was trying his hardest to act like he was reading through his notes, but really, he just wanted his blush to disappear as soon as possible. Lately, because of Alistair's words he had become even more self-conscious than before. His friend's remark crawled back into his mind and it wasn't leaving anytime soon.

"Dude. You obviously have a crush on her."

You obviously have a crush on her.

You obviously have a crush on her...

You have a crush on her.

As always, he wasn't able to calm down at all or to fool Scholar with his lackluster acting skills. Or more precisely, his nonexistent acting skills. Scholar crossed her arms on the desk and put her chin down on them while still gazing at him. From the corner of his eyes, Tadashi could see her still staring and it made him even more nervous.

"S-Scholar... please, stop staring at me. It's distracting me."

Scholar swiftly poked Tadashi's cheek with her finger and hid her fond smile with her other arm, she almost had her face buried in it.

"And you're the one to say that? I'm always distracted by how cute you are all the time Mister student body president."

"I-I am not cute. And please move your finger away from my cheek."

That was a complete lie. Even though he was really embarrassed about doing stuff like this in public, he loved getting teased by Scholar and most of all, physical contact. Had he not been so stuck-up and shy, he would hug Scholar the next time they would be alone together, but everytime they were he got too prideful. Or rather, he would feel really embarrassed and hurt if Scholar, for some reason, pushed him away or laughed at his open display of affection. Whenever he was with Scholar, all kinds of cheesy thoughts would fill up in his mind. I want to hug her, I want to hold her hand, I want to snuggle with her, I want to...

......

And the bell rang, it was time for the next and last period of the day. Scholar gently pulled on his cheek like he was a little kid and moved her hand away to pack her bag. She had to move to another classroom. Unfortunately, they did not have the last lesson of the day together.

"See you later Dashi! And you better not forget what I asked of you yesterday, okay?"

"I-I haven't forgotten! See you soon..."

That's right. It was February 14th today. It wasn't rare of Scholar to invite him to hang out after school but today was a tad bit different. He knew it was stupid to get his hopes up but he really couldn't focus on anything at all. The text message he received yesterday was stuck in his mind. It was a simple "let's meet up in front of the school entrance when the last bell rings" and thankfully, since he can't stutter through texts, he replied with a really composed "Alright, I'll be there." And yet, words couldn't express how frustarted he was the whole day. He didn't follow anything at all in class, he just took notes of random things that sounded important in between his monologues. It was like he was daydreaming 8 hours in a row.

By the end of it he didn't care anymore. He'll just ask Alistair for his notes or something, he'll figure it out. When the last bell rang, Tadashi was the first one to leave the classroom. His classmates of the business, commerce and politics department looked at him in shock. They were already whispering behind his back as he was leaving in a hurry.

"...Maybe he really wanted to go to the bathroom?"

"That must be it!"

But no. He did have butterflies in his stomach but it was not because he wanted to go to the bathroom. He rushed to the school entrance. Now that he thinks about it, this is a weird meeting spot. Usually Scholar would ask him to meet up in the garden or in the cafeteria lounge. Honestly, this was a really awkward place. In a couple of seconds, hundreds of students would rush out to go to their rooms in the dorms and drop their school bags on the ground like dumbbells. Is she going to tease him in front of all the students of this school? God please no. While Tadashi was lost in his thoughts, Scholar came out of... the garden. With a bouquet of red roses.

"You're awfully early Tadashi, did you run to get here? You do know that it's against the school rules to run in the hallways, right? You're not being a really good role model Prez."

But Tadashi didn't listen anymore. All he saw was the huge roses and Scholar holding them with a small blush on her cheeks. Was she seriously about to confess to him in this open space? How did she even have enough time to go fetch the roses? The bell just rang about 30 seconds ago! Could it be possible that she begged Dr.Lee to let her go 5 minutes earlier than usual? ...Well, no matter how she pulled that off, Tadashi was achieving new shades of reds right now. On his face of course.

"I-I apologize if I have the wrong idea but... those roses, are they for me?"

A few students started getting out of the building, and they couldn't just pass next to the scene that was unfolding before their eyes. One by one, they would slowly make a circle around them. Scholar extended her arms towards Tadashi, holding the bouquet with both hands.

"For who else would it be?"

Before Tadashi could even mutter a "thank you" and take the flowers, in a really unnatural manner, Scholar let go of it and the roses fell to the ground.

"Oops! I'm soooo sorry!"

But Tadashi was too submerged in emotion to even notice the bad acting, and so, just as planned, he got down on one knee and took the bouquet. At this point, more and more students were coming out of the school building and like all the others, they were making a circle around them. The small gathering of students soon became a herd, and all eyes were on Tadashi, kneeling down with a bouquet of roses. To make this moment last a bit longer, Scholar stepped on his left foot.

"Umm... Scholar, I have to get up. Move your foot away."

Poor little Tadashi still hadn't caught on what was happening and he looked up towards Scholar, only to see that warm smile again. The one she used when she was teasing him, and he once again got shivers down his spine. After that he looked around. And immediately regretted it. Practically half of the school was gathered around them, watching the scene in awe. That's when Tadashi finally understood what had happened. No matter how you look at it, it seemed like Tadashi was the one confessing his feelings to Scholar, even though it was supposed to be the other way around. One knee on the ground, bouquet of red roses in hand, looking up at Scholar and most of all looking mortified. Not to mention it was February 14th so of course it couldn't be taken in any other way. Tadashi was done for. Only the first few students knew that Scholar was originally the one holding the bouquet, the majority who came later had the wrong idea. And it was all according to Scholar's plan.

Tadashi cursed under his breath.

"Dammit. She got me again..."

As for the lively students, the loud whispers couldn't be stopped.

"Oh my God. I knew it, it was so obvious that Tadashi had a crush on this scholarship student."

"I see them hanging out together in the garden and in the cafeteria lounge almost everyday, do they think they're being discreet?"

"Fuck, where's my phone? I gotta film this..."

"I never thought Mister Prez was the type to pull off that kind of thing, he has balls, that's for sure."

"Duuuuude. What a show-off! I bet he's pressuring her into accepting his feelings, that's why he did it here."

"Not a surprise. The crowd will put more pressure on her and it'll be hard to refuse, Tadashi that witty bastard! Using all of his assets in this way is so not fair!"

Tadashi was mentally begging for Scholar to let him run away from here. When they got surrounded by enough people to her liking, she took the bouquet out of his hands and removed her foot which allowed him to stand up again. Of course, the crowd cheered and whistled thinking that she had just accepted the confession while it was not it at all. Scholar grabbed Tadashi's hand and ran with him to the garden by pushing through the herd of students. Someone screamed "DON'T DO ANYTHING RAUNCHY IN THE GARDEN! USE PROTECTION KIDS!"

That voice... goddammit. It was definitely Raquel. Great. Tadashi looked like he was in physical pain from thinking about what kind of reactions his friends would have after this.

Once they reached their usual spot in the garden, Scholar gave back the flowers to Tadashi. He was panting and still red as a beet. Thankfully, the crowd had the decency to not follow them but they still ran just in case.

"Agh... Scholar... I... cannot believe what you just pulled on me. I got bamboozled so hard, I'm mad at myself for letting my guard down. And here I thought that you wouldn't tease me at least in a serious moment like this."

"Haha... All according to keikaku."

"Oh my God... I can't fucking believe you would do this to me."

"I can."

Tadashi looked so drained, like 5 years just got sucked out of him in a few seconds. That embarrassement, he would remember it until the day he dies. Now everybody thinks that he has a huge crush on Scholar and that they're dating... Not that they're wrong but still!

"We... wait. Scholar, does it mean that we're dating now?"

Suddenly, Scholar looked a little bit vulnerable, she was planning this for a while now so she was mentally prepared but it was still nerve-wrecking in a way. Tadashi wasn't the most self-aware person out there. Or to be more accurate: he was dense at a unimaginable level.

"You... don't want to? You don't like me?"

"What?! N-no! Of course I like you! More than like I..."

He really wanted to say it. He really did, but using the word "love" right away, would that freak her out? He didn't want to make any missteps nor scare her away the really first day of them dating.

"N-nevermind that! Does it mean that all this time when you were teasing me, that was actually fliritng?"

There it is. The dense Tadashi. Scholar mentally facepalmed herself so hard.

"I've been trying to flirt with you for the past 5 months but thanks for noticing I guess."

Tadashi was reminded of all of the times Scholar would tirelessly pick on him, mess with him, make fun of him and borderline bully him. Had he not known the type of brilliant and kind person she really was, he could've easily mistook all of it as her messing around with him to be annoying. Thankfully, even though he was as dense as a brick, he was at least able to understand and make that distinction: she was obviously not trying to be a jerk.

"Oh... Oh... I see. But you could've been more direct! How was I supposed to understand that this was f-flirting??"

"Dashi. Sweetie. The only way for me to be more direct than that would've been yelling at the top of my lungs that I love you... You didn't like the teasing-flirting?"

Tadashi shook his head almost violently.

"N-NO! Absolutely not, I like it... I think... no uh. I definitely like it! Actually if we could, um..."

He opened his arms and looked down in shame with an obvious blush on his face.

"C-can I have a hug... please? It would make me happy..."

This was the most adorable thing Tadashi had ever done. Scholar immediately jumped in his arms, the poor boy had already been teased a whole lot today. While Scholar buried her face in his chest, Tadashi was holding her as tightly as he could. After a couple of seconds, they let go of eachother and tried to look as unfazed as they could even though there was no use hiding their feelings anymore. Scholar was the one to end the silence.

"Well... Now that we're dating, you know what we have to do, right?"

Tadashi was slightly fidgeting with the bouquet still in his hand.

"Um... We hold hands and we go back to the dorms to spend some quality time in your room?"

"Yes! And then we fuck"

The romantic atmosphere was thrown out of the window. This was obviously a joke to lighten up the mood but Tadashi did not appreciate that.

"Who taught you that?? And more importantly, stop learning Japanese just to tease me!!"

Nonetheless, they made their way back to the dorms under the curious gazes of the students while holding hands, like promised. The news already got around the school: Scholar and Tadashi are dating.

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Aaaayy! It's done! *Clap👏 clap👏 clap👏* This was really fun for me since, well... I love teasing Tadashi 😂 (but who doesn't?) This is the ultimate proof that I like this blushy boi. Hope you didn't cringe! Because I'm sure I will when I read it again in a few days... On a side note, sorry if the February 14th thing was too sudden or out of nowhere, but to be fair the SE team gave us a Halloween chapter in May sooo... whatever! It was Halloween 2 days ago and now it's Valentines day! Deal with it! Also, the biggest plot hole of this fic is that Karolina didn't do shit to stop Scholar and Tadashi from their Miracle Romance🌟🌙 (Sailor moon ref 👌) but I wanted this to be a simple fic without any drama.

Aaaand that's all I had to say! Thank you for reading!!! 💖💗

#sweet elite #se #tadashi nakano #fanfiction #fanfic

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kingdomheartsmarts · 5 years ago

Note

Okay can you please turn that chain of Xigbar thirst into an ask (you don't have to place it at the front of the line though, and please only do it if you want to! Thanks ❤)

so~ I combined these two and it took me a hot minute- i had soooo much fun writing this.

word count: 2.1 k

smutty under the cutty

Xigbar/Reader~ Little Minx

“Do you think a little stunt like that was cute? Do you?” Xigbar growled in your ear, your only response being a broken moan while he continued to rail into you, bruising your pelvis, “Answer me.”

“No-”

“Then why did you do it? Are you that fucking needy?”

“Please, Xig-”

“Please what? Please stop giving my little minx exactly what she wanted? Please don’t fuck you like the little whore you are for doing that?”

“Please let me kiss you,” You finally choked out, your voice hoarse from screaming.

“Why should I do that? They already heard me moan; let them hear you-”

And you remembered what you did vividly and warmly, for it only happened minutes earlier:

Xigbar sitting on a couch in the grey area with you in his lap, resting against him while he read to himself, and definitely not alone; the other’s conversations that you were sure Xigbar was listening in on simply becoming murmurs in your ears while you rested on your boyfriends lap, becoming increasingly bored. You rested your head in the crook of his neck, acting as if you were going to nap against him, before gently kissing his sensitive Neck.

“Whatcha doin’, babydoll?” Xigbar quietly asked you in your ear, his lips gently kissing it in response to your neck kisses.

“I’m bored,” You whined quietly, kissing up to his ear and nibbling on his earlobe.

“Doesn’t mean you gotta be a little minx about it,”

“But I’m bored, Xiggy,” you gently kissed down his neck again, before finding a spot on his neck you knew all too well and gently nibbling on it, his breath stilling for a moment while he bit his cheek to not moan.

“Babydoll,” He quietly said in warning.

“Please take care of me,” You begged against his neck, Xigbar still trying to read while you did everything to make him stop.

“In a minute baby,”

“Please,”

“Baby-” Xigbar warned in your ear, becoming increasingly irritated.

You pouted, your arms that had been wrapped around his back, slowly moving up to his hair, intertwining your fingers into it.

“Don’t you dare,” He growled, seeing your smirk.

“I’m just snuggling,” You said a little louder, making other’s attention come to look at the two of you, Xigbar going back to his reading. You gently nuzzled your face in his neck, innocently clinging onto him while he slowly forgot the hand that was still in his hair, gently kissing him once and laying your head against his shoulder.

“See, if you just act right, we’ll go back in a few minutes,” Xigbar quietly whispered in your ear, his arm tightening around you.

“But what if I want to go back now?”

“Then you’ll have to wait,”

You pouted, looking at him once more, before yanking his hair back harshly- Xigbar moaning deeply at the action, his eye snapping open and glaring at you- a hungry, animalistic look in his eye while everyone’s attention was now on the two of you. His eye cut you open- staring at you before throwing you over his shoulder- your squeal just making him chuckle before he opened a dark corridor, your eyes briefly meeting with Demyx’s wide ones- and now you were here.

“Please, Xig-” your groan echoing through the room, “Let me cum!”

“And why should I do that? We have a meeting after all,”

Shit.

Either you would have to sit through a meeting absolutely frustrated without release, or sit through a meeting with Xigbar’s cum slowly seeping out of you-

“Unless, you will be good during the meeting-” Xigbar sneered, his hand tightly holding your hip and your wrist together.

“Please, please i'll be good-”

“Then cum baby girl-” Xigbar growled, rutting into you while your orgasm overtook you, your walls crashing down on his length and milking him through your orgasm, your whimper only riding him through before slowing his thrust- panting and sweaty behind you while you came down from the intensity of your high.

“Now, we gotta go to that meeting,” Xigbar told you, pulling you up after pulling out of you, your exhausted body protesting any movement, “And you’re going to sit through it, with my cum in you, and if I finger you because I get bored, you can’t cum. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Xig,” You weakly said, his gentle kiss against your forehead lasting too short before he threw your ruined panties at you-

“Oh, and wear these. They’re already ruined anyway”-

----------

You quietly tried to stay still, sitting uncomfortably while you felt your sore core leaking out your boyfriends cum; your body sore and tired, sitting through another boring meeting while you dozed off. It was normal for you to doze off; no one really spoke during the meetings unless they were high up, and honestly, you could care less. You normally sat with your arms and legs crossed, barely paying any attention while you drifted off into a nap, Xigbar’s cum still slowly dripping out of you.

Your eyes snapped open in feeling something in between your legs, something touching you while you froze-

That bastard

Xigbar- this is what he warned you about- telling you that he would finger you- and it finally clicked how-

Was he seriously using his power to just finger you during a meeting?

Feeling a finger enter your entrance, you glanced up at the second highest chair; Xigbar with his arms crossed, leaning to one side- the one side that he was using to cover his portal while he fingered you. You could feel his gaze on you, even with everyone's hoods up (does anyone watch One Piece? I immediately thought of the Hands Up! Opening when i wrote that), his finger gently curling in you. You bit back a whimper, staying as still as possible while his fingers found your familiar spot within you- softly massaging your sweet spot. You wished you could moan- you wished you could whimper- you wished you could groan- but here you were, sitting in a meeting, listening to Xemnas monologue.

“You can’t cum”- echoed in your ears, wishing you could just smack his arm away- but there was no arm to smack away- just his finger massaging you.

You kept your gaze locked on his figure while a second finger was added to your core, joining the first in fingering your spot, making you wish you could cling onto him. You tightened your grip on your crossed arms, hugging yourself while the pleasure slowly built. You felt your coil starting to tighten, the gentle touch becoming rougher while you struggled to stay still and quiet. He roughly pushed against your spot, waiting on you to embarrass yourself in front of the entire organization, but his satisfaction never came- you stayed still through his torture, his eye watching you intently.

You stayed like this for what felt like hours, but it was only thirty minutes; letting the pleasure slowly build while Xemnas discussed whatever he cared about at the moment. Xigbar slowly began pushing against your spot in a slow, drawn out rhythm, slowly increasing the speed while you attempted to hold out from cumming for just ten more minutes. The fingers pressed rougher, your breathing becoming uneven while you bit your lip, thankful that your hood was on, before you felt your coil break-

You wanted to scream in that moment- your orgasm rushing through you in waves while he continued finger-fucking you through it- while you knew that something was going to be your punishment for this- something was going to happen from this.

The fingers slowed and you swore you could feel his cockiness cut through the room. And before you knew it- it was over.

You opened a corridor back to your shared room. You knew that Xigbar was trailing right behind you- and honestly it just made your core clench at the thought of it. You walked over to the desk that rested against the wall, where some magazines and books of Xigbar’s were stacked, taking off your gloves and boots while acting as if everything was normal-

Because it was. It was normal for the two of you to constantly go back and forth, teasing and fucking each other in plain sight, only for the two of you to run off somewhere and do it all over again.

You heard a corridor open behind you, not even paying attention while you rested your boots neatly on the left of the table, gently folding your gloves before placing them by your mini vanity on the desk, consisting of makeup and a couple of necklaces- before a hand roughly gripped your hair, yanking your head back while two fingers were shoved in your mouth, the remains of your orgasm cold but still slick while you worked your tongue against them.

“Little minx- first, pulling my hair,” Xigbar lowly began in your ear, jerking on your hair for emphasis, “Then you got your little pussy fucked, and i let you cum, under one condition,” he bit your ear before pulling your hair again, “That you wouldn’t cum on my fingers- isn’t that right?”“Yes, Xig,” You quietly said, his fingers only leaving your mouth to let you answer him, before they were shoved right back to where they were.

“And now I have to decide what to do with you,” He growled, grinding his length against your ass, your sore core aching at the thought of what he would do with you. You felt one of his hands gently work up your leg before he softly kissed you, uncharacteristic to the way he was eyeing you, before his hand cupped your core, gently palming and massaging your pussy while you whimpered against his lips- his hand leaving your hair before pushing you down onto the desk.

“Hm, since you can’t act right, little minx, I’ll make sure that you cum,” You heard his coat hit the ground, his belt buckle being undone before his free hand rested on your hip, “I’ll make sure that you cum until you’re begging me to stop.”

His hands roughly pulled off your pants and panties, shoving your coat up before he roughly thrust into you, his groan mixing with your cry of pleasure while he filled you- his length rubbing your walls in the best way despite their soreness from his previous activities. His hips roughly snapped forward, your walls clenching around his length while his brutal pace was set-

Your body rocking forward against the desk, your open-mouthed moans ringing in his ears, your body trembling and convulsing under his thrust, everything making your head spin-

Your hand clawed at the desk before Xigbar’s hand gently held yours in stark contrast to his thrust, your eyes rolling to the back of your head while he caged you down on the desk- his hot chest resting against your still clothed back, his teeth sinking into your skin below your ear, your loud groan echoing through the room-

“God!-” You screamed, your voice echoing through the bedroom while he groaned at your convulsing walls, while his pace never faltered- your body falling limp against the desk while his hips began to bruise yours.

“God, you feel so good around me, babygirl,” Xigbar quietly praised, biting down against your skin, “So tight and wet, god-”

His breaths were staggering while he kept up his punishing pace, gently kissing over your bruised skin, his low groans making your walls clench around him.

“I bet you want to cum again, don’t you?” He growled in your ear, his hands bruising whatever they were gripping while he chased after his orgasm, your low whimper escalating to a scream while your body convulsed again, “Cum for me baby girl, cum around my cock-”

Your body twitched and convulsed, the roughness never faltering while your vision went white, your cry mixing with his own- your walls crashing down onto his length, his cum filling you while your wetness dripped out of your pussy, running down your thigh before Xigbar fell limp on top of you. His pants fanning against his your while your heart pounded in your chest, his weight pressing you down on the desk, your loud pants against the desk slowly evening out as Xigbar finally stood up. He gently pulled you up, holding you as your knees gave out under you, laying you down onto the bed while you whimpered at the growing soreness between your legs.

“You did lovely, baby,” His gruff voice echoed in your ear, your eyes shut while you continued panting, relaxing against the softness of the bed before you heard Xigbar temporarily leave, before his arms pulled you into his arms, carrying you bridal style.

“Let’s clean you up, baby girl.”

Okay can you please turn that chain of Xigbar thirst into an ask (you don't have to place it at the front of the line though, and please only do it if you want to! Thanks ❤)

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emybain · 5 years ago

Text

Almost

im a sucker for the au where nova’s family lives,,,so here’s another fic that I wrote with no shame. I definitely plan on writing more fics where she’s younger, and I might have to make a masterpost for this au (I also need to update my current masterpost of all my fics bc,,,yikes I haven't updated that in forever.) anyway, here’s a little drabble where adrian’s family comes over for dinner and the two families haven't seen one another in FOREVER and nova hasn't talked to Adrian in a couple months soooo :)) I may have gotten a little angsty but that's not my problem. also yes I definitely played into the stereotypical teenage romance trope and I dont care

. “I’m home,” Nova called out as she closed the front door behind her. The smell of onions and ginger hung in the air. Nova checked the time on the clock in the living room, setting her bag down beside Papà’s favorite armchair. It was only late afternoon, so she wasn’t hallucinating; her mom was making dinner early. Nova’s family tended to eat much later than the average family, usually in the late evening. According to Papà, that’s how he grew up, so it’s how Nova and her siblings would grow up. Maybe her mom was just cooking now so she wouldn’t have to later; she had done that a few times in the past. Nova shrugged it off.

From the kitchen, her mom called out to her in Tagalog, her first language. Another thing that made Nova frown; she rarely spoke in her first language unless it was for a specific reason. After all, English was the only language all five of the Artinos had in common. Nevertheless, Nova answered back in Tagalog to appease her mother, telling her how her day went. When her mom asked about her therapist appointment, though, Nova switched back to English so that her dad, who was probably in the kitchen as well, could understand.

“Dr. Sterling says hi and that she-”

Nova had just plopped her car keys down on a side table in the kitchen when she noticed that they had guests over. She faltered, biting back her usual report she would give to her parents following her therapist appointment. So that’s why Mom was speaking in her first language.

“No one told me we were having people over tonight.” Nova raised an awkward hand toward the Everhart-Westwood trio, not quite sure if she were speaking to her parents or their guests. Smoothing down her oversized tee shirt, Nova ignored the way her cheeks lit up at her appearance. An old shirt of her dad’s, workout shorts she had been in since her run that morning, and torn up tennis shoes with holes beginning to peak out in the toes. “I would’ve dressed nicer.”

Hugh was the first to break the awkward silence, chuckling and beckoning Nova forward. She gave him and Simon a one-armed hug.

“It was sort of last minute,” Simon explained, looking Nova up and down. “After all, it’s been so long since we’ve all gotten together.” A smile lit up his face. “While I can’t say you’ve grown, you’ve definitely changed, Nova. Every time we see you, you look more and more like your mother.” He was right; it had been a while since the two families had spent time together. Nova hadn’t seen Adrian’s dads in months other than the occasional wave from across a room at headquarters. When she was younger, it seemed as if the two families had more time for one another. It was odd, when she considered it, how close her family was to the Everhart-Westwoods, all because of a series of events that occurred when Nova was no older than six. Her father had gone to the Renegades for protection from Nova’s uncle, and they promised to protect him and his family. After a failed attempt by Nova’s uncle to kill her entire family, they were sent to a temporary home where they would be much safer. Then after Ace Anarchy was defeated, Nova’s father went to work for the Renegades with a vision of making the world a better place. Now, he sat comfortably as head of the weapons department, something Nova knew he wasn’t necessarily proud of, but it brought in a decent amount of money for his family. And besides, the weapons were currently being used for good. At least, that was what her dad said to reassure himself and his family.

“Too bad I also got her height,” Nova retorted.

“Nak, you’re perfect just the way you are,” Mom chided from the stove where she was stirring a pot of what looked like a soup or stew. Nova rolled her eyes, used to her mother lecturing her on her negative view of her appearance.

She turned to Adrian to hug him next, as it was expected, despite the sudden skip in her chest. It had been a few months since she had seen much of him or talked to him, both of them being held down by responsibilities and Renegade duties. Ever since they got their own teams a couple years ago, she had noticed how they began drifting apart. It was upsetting because they had been so close when they were young, but what could they do about it? Nova barely had enough time these days for her studies, something her parents were strict on her having. She supposed it was a good thing, seeing as she had developed confusing and distracting feelings for her childhood friend that went beyond friendship. And as her mom liked to say, people would enter and leave her life when she needed them, that they were there or not there for a reason.

It was hard not to breathe in or let her eyes fall shot when Nova wrapped both of her arms around Adrian’s shoulders, lifting up on the tips of her toes. She tried not to shiver as he bent down to meet her, arms encircling her waist. Then it was over too soon, and Nova hopped up on the kitchen counter beside where he stood.

“Get down from there,” Nova’s dad passed by her with a handful of bowls, swatting at her lightly once he set them down. Sharing a look with Adrian, who bit his lip to hold back his smile, she slid back down.

“So, what’s for dinner?” Nova leaned against the counter.

Papà opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Nova’s siblings came running through the kitchen, Thomas chasing after Evie with a red face and tears running down his cheeks.

“Give it back!” Thomas screeched. He managed to wrap a fist around Evie’s shirt before she ripped it from his grasp, dancing away. “Papà, tell Evie to give my action figure back!”

Nova saw her father’s face age about ten years as he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose beneath his glasses. “Evie, give your brother his toy back, please.”

“He wouldn’t leave me alone!” Evie stuck her tongue out at Thomas. “He kept opening my door and running away laughing, so now his stupid toy is mine.”

Nova shifted toward Adrian, who leaned down to listen as she mumbled, “She just got herself into huge trouble, watch.”

Papà narrowed his eyes at Evie. “Evie Grace Artino, what have we said about closed doors in this house?”

Nova elbowed Adrian softly.

Evie faltered, her hand that was held over her head to keep the toy away from Thomas falling. “Did I say my bedroom door? I..I-I um...I meant-”

“Give the toy back, and I’ll consider lightening your punishment for breaking the rules.”

Evie groaned loudly and shoved the toy at Thomas, whose skin and hair, Nova noticed, was a soft shade of red. At this point, Nova was used to her brother’s recent discovery that he was a prodigy like her. It wasn’t much, seemingly, because he only changed colors depending on his mood. But Nova had a feeling that there was much more to it, and that he would learn more about himself in the coming years.

“It’s not fair! Nova’s allowed to have her door shut!”

Nova began to speak, retorting that she had earned that right, but Mom beat her to it.

“Nova is five years older than you, Evie.” She brought the stirring pot over to the island where she set it on a hot pad. “And much more mature. She’s a leader in the Renegades and has nearly perfect grades in her studies and she does her chores and work without being asked. She’s earned that right, and you will too, once we see you trying in school and emptying the dishwasher on time and not after we’ve asked ten times.”

“Explains why you’re always grounded every other week,” Evie grumbled, shoving past Nova.

“Anyway,” Mom took her apron off. “Dinner’s ready. And to answer your question, Nova, it’s Sinigang.”

Nova smiled. Her favorite.

______

“No boys in bedrooms!” Mom called up the stairs as Nova led Adrian up.

“Oh darn, there goes my plan to seduce my best friend.” She shrugged at Adrian. “Sorry, maybe next time.” She pretended not to notice how he averted her gaze, cheeks red.

“I mean it, Nova Jean!”

“We’re just going to watch a movie or something, calm down!”

Even as she said it, she led Adrian to the back of the upstairs where her bedroom was.

“Didn’t your mom just say-”

Nova reached for his hand, pulling him inside. “We’re not going to be in my room.” She nodded to her window. “The roof?”

A smile crept onto Adrian’s face, understanding filling his eyes. He let Nova pull him to the window. She lifted it up and stepped out onto the sill, then pushed herself up onto the roof, an easy feat as the roof was slanted right beside her bedroom window. When they were little, she and Adrian would climb up there and talk for hours until Papà would have to go out in the backyard and yell up at them to come down because it was time for Adrian to go home.

The wind picked up slightly, and Nova peered back over her shoulder. “Grab a blanket from my bed.”

She crawled to the center, their spot, and waited for Adrian. When he poked his head up, she grinned and caught the blanket thrown at her. She wrapped it around herself as he joined her.

“How’s your team doing?” She scooted closer to him, telling herself it was because she was cold and he radiated heat. “I saw Ruby the other day in the training hall. We ran a few laps together before she had to go.”

“Good, I suppose.” He rested back on his elbows. “Danna misses you, by the way. She won’t shut up about how you two need to grab coffee or breakfast.”

Nova chuckled. “I know! We’ve been texting, but our schedules just haven’t lined up in a while. I haven’t been able to relax much the past few months with this new schedule I’m on.” She let out a sigh, resting her chin on her knees. “Especially since I-” she stopped herself, shoulders tensing up. Adrian didn’t know about her therapist. In fact, no one knew that she had started going to therapy, not even Adèle or Ramona or Benton, some of the people she spent most of her time around. She didn’t need people thinking she was weak.

“Since you what?” Even though she her back was to him, Nova could hear the frown in his voice.

“Nothing.” Nova chewed the inside of her cheek. “Forget I said anything.”

Adrian sat up. “No, what?” When she didn’t give him an immediate answer, avoiding his piercing gaze, he nudged her gently. “Come on, Nova. We’ve been friends for almost ten years. You know you can tell me anything.”

She picked at a hole in her leggings. “It’s not that I’m embarrassed or anything. It’s a completely normal thing people do. It’s just...not everyone would agree with me, and you know that I’m not the most liked person in Gatlon.” It wasn’t something she acknowledged often because it always left her in a sour mood; it always lingered at the bottom of her conscience, like how Evie would overstay her welcome in Nova’s room sometimes. Because of her uncle, because of what he did before his death, the Artino’s had to tread lightly in the city. Her parents, maybe not so much, since so many sympathized with them choosing to do the right thing and nearly losing their lives over it. And Evie presented no danger because she wasn’t a prodigy, and she was too young to even remember her uncle. Thomas was still a young child, despite being a prodigy, and didn’t even know how to divide numbers bigger than twenty without help. Nova, on the other hand, was kept under supervision by just about all of Gatlon. There were people who didn’t like the fact that she was a Renegade, much less a team leader for one of the best teams in the city. They didn’t like that she was friends with Adrian Everhart, son of the late Lady Indomitable and adopted son of the Dread Warden and Captain Chromium, all three being members on the Renegades Council. Rumors had been spread in the past of her true intentions with the Everhart boy, and how much she trained, and how intelligent she was. After all, she had known Ace Anarchy; he was her Uncle Alec. She had loved him and the gifts he brought her family. That was all before she knew who he truly was, of course.

But even then, in recent years, she had been contacted by the living Anarchists, confronted by them in person sometimes. The Council didn’t know, and it was a secret Nova planned on taking to her grave, despite never acting on their kind words and suggestions to join them, that the Renegades were flawed and corrupt. She knew they only wanted her because of her bloodline. Their words were lies.

Nova couldn’t afford to make mistakes in this world with so many eyes on her.

Adrian shifted closer, the movement almost subtle. He placed a hand on her back, and Nova tried to hide her shiver. “They can all go to Hell. No one knows you like I do, Nova. The media...the media will always find a way to twist good into bad, no matter how hard you try.” He traced a small pattern on her back. “If you don’t want to tell me, I get it, and I won’t press anymore, but you can trust me. I promise not to tell anyone.”

Nova allowed herself to sink into his touch, just a little. After a moment, she said quietly, “I started going to therapy. You know how I don’t need to sleep? How whenever I try, I’m taken back to that night?” Adrian nodded. She had told him the story years ago. “Well, I’ve been going for that, partly.” She cleared her throat. “I learned from my therapist that I have a decent amount of anxiety, and I’m pretty fucking depressed, so I’m going for that as well.”

His hand paused on her back, then shifted to take her hand. She didn’t even realize it had started shaking. “That’s good you’re seeing someone. You’ve never been good at opening up.” She had to let out a soft laugh at that.

“Yeah.” She looked down at their joined hands, thought of how they would look better laced together. “But I mean, it’s helped a lot. She’s helping me work through the trauma and pain I deal with on a daily basis. And she’s patient, too, so if she makes a suggestion and it takes me weeks to act upon it, she’s not upset. She’s always happy to hear me try something new.”

“Like?” Adrian looked down at her.

She hummed. “Well, at first it was little things, like making my team train during the day instead of at four in the morning.” When Adrian frowned, she continued. “I’ve always done that because I was insecure about people watching me, about what they would say. And then it kind of just became routine, so I didn’t bother changing it until she suggested I do.”

“There were a few times I remember seeing you train during the day,” Adrian said. “They weren’t often, and I always assumed it was because something changed in your schedule.”

Nova nodded. “I hated those days. Usually, I would just try to tune everyone out but myself and my team.” She bit her lip. “Now, it’s still a little weird, but I’m getting used to it every day.” A snort escaped her mouth. “And now people can stop saying I have something to hide because I train so early.”

“Stop worrying about what other people think.” He squeezed her hand gently, that stupid soft smile returning to his lips.

“Gee,” Nova deadpanned, “I wish I would’ve thought of that. Thank you. I’m cured.”

“You know what I mean.”

Nova tore her hand out of his, despite liking the way it felt, to push him gently. He was laughing at her now, so she pushed him again, this time a bit harder. It seemed to have no effect on him. Why was he so infuriating? Even from going months without seeing one another, even from drifting apart in recent years, he still had the audacity to be so comfortable around her while she was an awkward mess. She guessed that may also play a part in the reason why her pulse tended to quicken in his presence the past six or more months. She also guessed that was why she enjoyed her friendship with him as much as she did, and that he was debatably the closest person to her. They could always pick up right where they left off no matter how long they were apart, as if they had talked just the other day.

Adrian nudged her back with his arm playfully. They went back and forth like this, playing the game for another minute or so, the two of them erupting into quite giggles, before he grabbed both of her arms as they pushed against his chest. She tried to pull away, grinning widely, but her laughter died in her throat when she looked up to meet his eyes. They stared into hers with an intensity that brought color to her cheeks. Her smile faded.

“Nova, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now,” he breathed. Minutes ago, he had sounded so calm, so confident, and now she could hear the trembling in his voice, the uncertainty. She could’ve sworn she saw his eyelashes dip, eyes glancing at her gaping mouth. Instead of telling her, he inched his face closer to hers.

Inhaling sharply, Nova almost scrambled away. Was he...great skies. She remained still, though, and surprised herself by letting her eyes flutter shut, tilting in. After all, wasn’t this what she had been wanting for so long? Many nights had been spent tossing and turning in her bed, trying to make herself get at least a few minutes of sleep despite not needing it, wondering if he thought of her the way she thought of him. They weren’t kids anymore. Things had changed.

But they were still friends. Best friends. What if...whatever this was...would send them down a dangerous path? It could open up something new for both of them, or it could completely ruin a decade long friendship. And with her schedule, she didn’t have time for it, even though she really, really, truly wanted it. Wanted him. This was the first time they had actually hung out in months, and while they could pick up where they left off as friends, would it be the same in a relationship?

Too many questions raced through her mind as Adrian’s lips brushed against hers, sending electricity down her spine. She had kissed Adrian before, nearly three years ago at a party where they played spin the bottle. Back then, it was an innocent kiss, an awkward and amateur exchange between two friends who had both just recently had the talk with their parents. She remembered their friends teasing them about it for months, and Nova and Adrian had mutually agreed that it held little meaning and that nothing would change in their friendship.

Body trembling, Nova swiveled her head to face the backyard before Adrian’s lips could press against hers and she would be lost in him. She concentrated her eyes on the old playset in the yard.

“Do you want to play I Spy?” From the corner of her eye, she could see Adrian blink at her, confused and deflated at her sudden rejection. She dared to peek back at him when he didn’t answer. “It was your favorite game once upon a time, right?”

Adrian gulped, staring at her for what seemed like an eternity, before he nodded, almost as if he understood what she was trying to silently convey through her eyes. She was scared, terrified even, of a kiss and what it could mean. Their friendship was one of the only things tethering her to sanity some days, at least it seemed that way.

Please, please, please don’t hate me. I need normal right now.

He nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

#renegades #archenemies #supernova #nova artino #adrian everhart #nodrian #Oscar silva #ruby tucker #danna bell #anarchists #my writing #im sorry for this #just btw

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tell-me-when-ur-ready · 5 years ago

Text

Halloween Party

Author’s note: As of one week ago I’m officially in love with David Dobrik so here’s a little thing I wrote

Warnings: PTSD from rape, including flashbacks to the event

Word count: 1,500

She was a friend of Natalie’s who had just moved to LA to work in social media marketing. “You’ll love her,” Nat had said before she arrived, promising her friend was smart and gorgeous and loved a good time.

“I can show her a good time,” Zane had said, waggling his eyebrows, and Nat smacked him with the nearest pillow.

But Natalie was right: When her friend arrived in September, she fit right into the vlog squad, joining in the paintball wars and pranks and crazy conversations with gusto. Until one day when they were all flopped on David’s prized white couch and the conversation turned to dating, and she noticeably tensed up for the first time.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend,” she said reluctantly when someone pushed her for information on her love life, and Zane’s eyebrows went up.

“Really? You’re 23 years old.”

She shook her head no.

“But you’ve had sex, right?”

She hesitated, wavering. David got closer with his camera and she flapped a hand in his face.

“Go away,” she said halfheartedly. Her voice shook a little.

“Soooo is that a yes or a no?” Zane pushed, and she whipped her head around to glare at him with surprising ferocity.

“It’s a how-about-you-shut-up-and-mind-your-own-business.”

The others howled and Zane threw his water bottle at them. David’s living room devolved into a full-out wrestling match, and he thought he was the only one who noticed the shaky little sigh she let out as she touched a gentle hand to her throat.

She knocked on his open bedroom door that evening, when it was quiet and dark and everybody else had left.

“Come in,” he said, looking up from his laptop.

She stopped just inside the door and stood there, twisting her hands nervously. Her normal bright smile was nowhere to be seen.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“David, please don’t use that footage,” she said quietly. “From earlier when we were all sitting on the couch talking.”

“Okay.”

They both looked at each other for a moment.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he said.

“No. That’s why I just asked you to delete the footage.” She huffed out a little sigh, but her eyes looked glassy.

“I know. I mean, right now? Just with me?”

She shook her head no.

“Okay,” he said again, softly. She left the room.

She was back to her old self the next day, gleefully helping Natalie fill an enormous ball pit with candy corn and then being the first one to jump in. Everything was fine until a few weeks later when David mentioned the words Halloween party and she froze.

“Yeah, it’ll be fun,” he said around bites of a Chipotle burrito. They were gathered around his kitchen island eating lunch; it was the middle of October. “I’ll get a DJ and a bunch of pumpkins and shit, I don’t know. Beer. We’ll all hang out.”

She had frozen with her plastic fork in hand, staring at him like a deer in the headlights.

Heath let out a howl of laughter. “Look at that face. Not into parties?”

“Not Halloween ones,” she snapped tightly. It was true, though, now that David thought about it—she’d never come out partying or drinking with them in the entire six weeks since she’d moved here. She always claimed she had to get a good night’s sleep before work or, if it was a weekend, that she needed to go home and feed her cat.

“You should come,” he said gently. “It’ll be fun.”

She shook her head. “I’m going to stay home. I don’t want to be out late on a work night.”

“You were literally here until two AM last night. I’d hate to see what you consider late, if that’s not it,” Jason said, prompting another round of laughter.

She just shook her head again, balled up her Chipotle wrapper, and threw it in the trash.

But eventually David and the others wore her down and she showed up at his house on Halloween night. The place was bumping; Zane had already had three beers and the music was shaking the walls. She stepped inside the house clutching her purse like a weapon and looking a little wide eyed, and David meant to stay nearby because she was so obviously nervous, but then Jason was planning an elaborate scare prank on the entire party and he had to grab his camera so he didn’t miss it because he needed the footage for his vlog. And somehow she got lost in the shuffle and he forgot she was even there.

A couple of hours later, he went bursting through his bedroom door for a new SD card, laughing over his shoulder at something Jason had said, and stopped short. She was perched on the edge of his bed. When he came in, she jumped up, startled.

“Hey,” he said, swallowing, and stepped inside. “I’m just—getting an SD card.”

He grabbed one from the little dish on his dresser and turned back to face her. “Are you... okay?”

She was fidgeting nervously with the hem of her T-shirt. When he asked the question, there was a beat of silence before she shook her head and the tears started to fall.

“Hey,” he said quietly again. He took a step toward her; he’d tried to be careful of her boundaries, but he wasn’t exactly sure what they were. She’d refused to be blindfolded once, sat by Nat instead of the guys if she had a choice, wasn’t touchy-feely at all. “Can I—give you a hug?”

She nodded through her tears and he wrapped her in his arms. She was a little shorter than him and her head fit perfectly on the spot between his shoulder and neck. He held her tightly as she shook with sobs; eventually, when it seemed like she was calming down, he led her back to the bed and sat them down, leaving a few feet of space in between them.

“Now do you want to talk about it?” he said gently.

She drew a long, steadying breath and then started to talk. Last year at a Halloween party, her best friend’s brother—someone she considered a friend, too—had dragged her into an empty bedroom and shut and locked the door.

“He choked me,” she said hollowly, staring at a fixed point on the floor. “The whole time.”

He was wearing a Halloween mask and she didn’t know who he was at first—or at least, she’d tried to convince herself she didn’t know. But she did. Deep down, she knew who it was even before he ripped the mask off on his way out the door, leaving her alone in the dark bedroom.

She saw him all the time; they worked together, and since he was her best friend’s brother, they partied together too. That was a big part of the reason she’d moved to LA—she needed to get away from him.

But LA wasn’t everything she envisioned. Her job was fine and she liked David’s friends, but she still felt nervous around the guys, felt like she couldn’t trust anyone because could she really? She hadn’t been to a party since and this one was a year to the date and it was just too much.

David listened to everything without saying a word.

“I want to go home,” she finished, and for a moment he didn’t know if she meant she wanted to leave his house or leave LA. “But I don’t want to walk back through the party.”

“I’ll walk you out,” he said. “But only if you’re sure you’re going to be okay. I’m so sorry that happened to you. That’s really shitty. Maybe it would be helpful if you found a therapist.”

She shrugged and he decided not to push it right then.

“We joke around a lot, but all my friends are good guys. You know that, right?”

She nodded, briefly glancing up to meet his eyes, but it wasn’t very convincing.

He slipped his forgotten SD card in his pocket and escorted her back through the chaotic house, waving off the drinks and cameras being shoved in his face.

“Be right back,” he yelled to Jason. “She’s not feeling well.”

Outside, he opened her car door.

“See you tomorrow?” he asked, then added, “I hope?”

Maybe it would take more time to prove that this was a safe place—LA was safe, his house was safe, his friends were safe. That he was a safe place. But that was okay with him. They’d get there eventually.

She smiled a little for the first time all night and said, “Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

If anyone wants to be tagged in future David fics (bc there will probably be some), let me know!

#david dobrik #david dobrik fanfiction #david dobrik blurb #david dobrik fic #david dobrik imagine

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