#soon i'll be able to use it !!!!!

[kingsoowolves]

birthday boy | hsh

pairing: idol boyfriend!seunghan x fem!reader

word count: 3.3k

author's note: idk if any of you know it, but Seunghan is actually my first bias in riize. since his hiatus, i miss him so much and each day that passes without his presence in the group, i want him to come back even more. i know there's a bunch of ot6 briizes and i honestly don't really care who everyone chooses to stan. we're all different and have different tastes and likings, i get it. but i'm still holding out hope for him to comeback and that feeling won't die down untill i see his beautiful smile while he's on a stage along with his members again. this work is to showcase my love for him, nothing else. and also for all the ot7 briizes and hongjjangus that miss him just as much as me. i hope you like it, babes 🐈‍⬛🫧🧡

contents: established relationship, aged up!seunghan. mentions of riize members. set in the future, on seunghan's 25th birthday. he is active in the group and riize has been in the scene for a few years. smut and fluff. seunghan wants to have his cake and eat it too, lol. fingering, sex in the shower. sex without protection, cumming inside (don't be like them).

you can also read this work on my ao3, if you’d like

Seunghan is needy and dramatic towards you on a daily basis. But on his birthday, it always gets worse.

He ends every request with a “Please? It’s my birthday”, pulls you to sit on his lap every chance he gets and asks for smooches and attention each half an hour that passes by. It’s adorable and charming, and you always find yourself a willing victim to his whims, kissing and hugging him whenever he desires.

However, in times like this, when you’re rushing to get everything done for the small dinner party you’re hosting for his 25th birthday, it does annoy you a little bit. You’re already preoccupied about failing this day for him because the cake wasn’t yet delivered by the bakery and you only remembered to put the wine inside the freezer twenty minutes ago. At least, there’s still forty minutes left until the time you set for his members to show up and you hope that the wine is cold by then and the cake is inside your fridge.

You’re thinking about all of this while you’re finishing setting the fancy cutlery on the table. Seunghan should be checking on the lasagna inside the oven, but instead he catches you midway through your task, rubbing his chest on your back and his hands on your hips as he starts to place kisses on the side of your neck.

“Babe, the lasagna,” you warn.

“I just checked it. It’s still cooking,” he whispers over the wetness his spit gathered on your skin, making you shiver. He runs his nose from the side of your throat to your ear. “You smell so freaking good.”

“No, I don’t,” you say, closing your eyes, letting your body sag a little against his and reaching a hand back to his neck, keeping his face still on your neck while he resumes peppering kisses on your skin. “I still haven’t showered.”

“You always smell good for me, baby,” he says before nipping your earlobe. You can’t help but sigh from the attention he’s giving you. “And I can help you shower.”

His obvious naughty intentions make you open your eyes and spin around, your hands going to his chest to push him slightly away from you.

“No way,” you shake your head. “I know you’ll be distracting me and not helping at all. Plus, you’re already ready and someone needs to answer the delivery truck when they bring the cake.”

Seunghan gives you his best puppy look and steps closer to you again, his hands going around you to encircle your waist. “Baby, please,” he whines. “We spent the whole day organizing this place. I haven’t been able to fuck you yet and it’s my birthday.”

You chuckle and look up at him, resting your chin on his chest and squeezing his cheeks. “Well, you should’ve thought about that before hosting a dinner party at our place, birthday boy.”

He whines again, pressing his forehead on yours whilst his agile fingers start bunching up the skirt of your old saggy dress, one hand pressing on the underside of your left thigh as if he’s preparing to lift you over the table. “I could just slide right in like this. I promise I’ll be quick.”

“No, Seunghan,” you say, voice firm and serious. He gives you a defeated look and steps back, his hands dropping to his sides. “I’m sorry, baby. But we’re already late as it is. We can do all the shenanigans you want later, okay?”

You get on your tiptoes and press your hands on his shoulders to drop a quick peck to his lips, but Seunghan holds you there, his fingers closing on the back of your neck to turn the kiss into a heated one. You wrap your hands around his neck to give him a little taste of what he’s been craving, letting him kiss you the way he wants, his tongue licking up every crevice of your mouth. When he pulls back, you have to blink your eyes open to wake up your hazy mind.

“Okay,” he whispers, a sly smile playing on the corner of his lips as he watches the reaction only one really good kiss pulled out of you. “Go get ready.”

You gulp and nod your head. “Finish setting the table up for me, please? And don’t forget about the lasagna, too. Oh, and–”

“And the cake should be delivered any minute,” he completes for you. “I know, baby, I know. Now go get yourself prettier for my day.”

You nod again, giving him one last peck on his lips and finally turning around. Seunghan takes the moment to pat your butt lightly and you laugh back at him while you walk to your bedroom. After getting to the en suite bathroom, you turn the water to the temperature you like and hastily slip out of your clothes. You sigh when you step into the shower and the warm water hits your head and shoulders, massaging the knots on the back of your neck.

After you shampoo your hair and begin to cover yourself in soap, you hear the door to the bathroom open up and spin around to see Seunghan a few meters away from the glass enclosure separating you both, his fingers quickly removing his denim jacket and tugging his black t-shirt up.

“Seunghan, no!” You exclaim, watching him slide the shirt out of his body and dropping it on the floor along with your clothes. “I told you, I–”

“Babe, I already turned off the oven and put the lasagna to rest on the counter. I also texted the guys saying they should come an hour later,” he explains, moving his hands to his belt buckle to unfasten it and then zipping down the fly on his pants. “Wonbin hyung agreed to pick up the cake. Already let the bakery know it, too.”

You open your mouth at him in shock and your pink sponge falls from your hand onto the shower tiles. “No, you didn’t.”

“Oh, but I did.” Seunghan laughs at you and resumes taking his jeans off, his briefs going sliding down his legs along with it. He steps out of the fabric and his semi-hard cock springs free, the head of it slapping along his thigh. You bite your bottom lip whilst he slides the shower door open just enough for you to see him in all his glory, perfect body exposed bare right in front of your eyes. “So what it’s gonna be, baby? Are we going to fuck or do you prefer to keep pretending you don’t want this as much as I do?”

“Come in,” you say through gritted teeth and he laughs again, stepping inside and sliding the glass door back on its place. You wind your arms around his shoulders and press yourself against him. “You’re a pain in my ass, Hong Seunghan. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, and you love me,” he mutters while he holds you, splaying both of his hands on your ass.

“Unfortunately, I do,” you whisper back, pulling him in for a kiss.

Seunghan’s lips have always been addictive to you. You love how full and beautiful they are, how his smiles come easily when he quirks the sides of them up just a bit and especially how soft and moist they become while he’s kissing you. You always get lost in the feeling, biting on his bottom lip and drawing pretty sounds out of him. You’re so lost in him at this moment that you don’t even notice how his hands snake down your body, gripping on your flesh until his fingers find the place in between your legs.

He spreads you open with his fingers and you moan, your lips disconnecting with his. He laughs darkly as his forefinger rubs on your clit and you hold onto his shoulders for stability.

“You tried to deny me like that but yet you get this wet from just a few kisses?” He says while he watches your face contorting in pleasure.

“I was trying to be responsible,” you reply, trying to keep your moaning to a minimum while it’s still so early in the game. “Instead of you, who only thinks with your dick.”

Seunghan smiles, fingers massaging over your hole and trying to coax louder moans out of you. “That’s just your effect on me, sweetheart. I can’t help it.”

“I don’t know about that. Maybe you’re just a horndo–” You get cut off because of course Seunghan chooses that exact moment to insert two of his fingers inside of you, making the words on your lips turn into a groan and your head loll back.

“What were you saying, baby?” He asks slyly over your exposed neck, pumping his fingers in and out of you with precision. How can he be so fucking good at this?

You gulp down the saliva that collects in your throat and scrunch your eyes while you bask in the feeling of him pleasuring you. “Nothing.”

“That’s what I thought,” he replies with a smile, moving you to press your back against the bathroom wall and reaching down to wrap a hand around one of your thighs, hooking it up around his waist. You press the arch of your foot on his ass to pull him closer to you and soon enough his dick is pressed in between your bodies and he’s rutting on your lower belly. “That’s it, such a good girl for me.”

You move your hand down to cover his pretty cock, pumping him in your fist the best you can while Seunghan distracts you by scissoring his fingers inside your cunt. You try to look down to see what you’re doing, but Seunghan’s head eclipses your visions when he starts dropping kisses on the valley of your breasts. His lips move to one of your perk nipples and you moan out loud when he sucks it into his mouth, flicking the bud with his tongue. Your pace falters on his length and he pulls your hand away from it to intertwine your fingers together, resting them on the coldness of the bathroom tiles beside your head.

“Hani, it’s your birthday,” you say, and he looks up at you with your boob still inside his mouth. “I should be the one pleasuring you.”

He releases your nipple with a pop, then sinks his teeth on the flesh of your other breast. “But you are pleasuring me, baby. Doing whatever I want with you is all I need.”

You sigh when he licks over your neglected nipple, his tongue tracing around the areola over and over again until he gets tired of it and suctions on that one, too. He keeps the unrelenting pace of his fingers inside of you and moves his thumb up your clit again to rub on it.

“But I want to do more for you,” you whisper, starting to thrust your hips up against his hand. Your head already feels dizzy and your vision starts to get hazy with how much he’s overwhelming your senses. You feel that any moment now you might snap.

Seunghan releases his nipple from your mouth t at the same moment the revolutions down your clit get faster, and you can’t stop your moans from echoing around the restroom anymore while he kisses his way up to your lips again.

“Then you can suck me off after dinner, okay?” He mutters, his natural foxy eyes glinting at you and his mouth drinking up your sounds. “You’re close, right?”

“So close, Hani,” you cry out, gripping his hand tightly on yours and tugging on his hair with your other one.

He smiles at you and presses his lips to yours two times. Then, he mutters, “Cum for me now, pretty girl.”

It’s ridiculous that that’s all it takes to get you there. But either way, your orgasm washes over you, the tingling forming in your belly spreading through your limbs and head while your walls convulse around Seunghan’s fingers. He still keeps his work in your pussy while you scream and drop your lips to bite on his neck to give you something to do.

“That’s it, my love. You look so pretty when you fall apart. I want to watch this for the rest of my life,” he whispers in your ear while you sink your teeth on his flesh.

Once there’s no energy left in your body and you’re babbling incoherently on his skin, he slides his hand up to lift your chin and press your head back on the wall. His fingers wipe the drool from the corner of your mouth and you smell your juices on them, your tongue instinctively darting out to lick at them.

“Shit, baby, you got me so hard already,” he heaves while you suck his digits into your mouth, limp hand searching for his cock again. “There’s no need for that.”

You only release his fingers from your mouth after pressing little kisses on the tips of each one, then you smile at him and wrap your hand around his dick, slapping it against your folds to share your wetness and his precum with each other. “You’re going to fuck me now, birthday boy?”

“Are you up for it already?” He asks, trying to convey worry through his little groans and expletives. “I don’t wanna do too much too soon.”

“I don’t care, you can overstimulate me all you want,” you reply back, hitting his dick on your clit to show him that you’re serious. “I just need your dick inside me, Hani.”

“Fuck yeah,” he groans at both your words and how you guide his dick to your entrance, your cunt sucking his fat head inside. “I’ll fuck you dumb, baby.”

“Be my guest,” you moan back, feeling him slide all the way in one go and bottoming out, your walls stretching to accommodate his heavy girth inside.

Seunghan slides out and inside of you slowly only three times. Then he sets a merciless rhythm, hitting you with smooth, fast and hard thrusts. You wrap your other leg around him and he holds you up with his strong legs and arms, hands grasping your back and ass cheeks. You tug on his hair, kiss his cheeks, nip on his lips and suck on his neck and chest while he keeps fucking you through it all. The wet sounds of his dick fleetly moving in and out of your cunt and your skin slapping together bounce around the walls, becoming the back tracking for the harmony of moans you voice out together.

He doesn’t falter for a minute, not even when you reach down to squeeze his balls. Instead of easing down his flow, he spreads one of your legs apart, securing it to the wall behind you while he scrunches his nose and gazes down to watch how your cunt clutches to his cock every time he pulls back and your hand fondles his testicles.

Seunghan is giving you his everything. Hoisting you up, holding you together, pining you to the wall and fucking you deliciously. Ruining you. His arms bulge and his legs flex while he does it and you can see sweat forming on his forehead. The water still falling from the shower hits his shoulder blades and splash warm droplets on your skins and the shower doors, like it’s painting freckles on the scene, covering you both in the marks of your lovemaking.

You think he never looked as beautiful as he does right now.

“Seunghan,” you call for him and he looks at you with lust and love swimming inside his eyes. You run a hand over the fringe that falls on his forehead, slicking it back and then rubbing your fingers on his cheek bone. Handsome as hell. You can’t quite believe this man is all yours. “I’m close. I want you to cum inside, okay?”

He nods fervently and presses kisses on your hand that’s still on his face. “Yeah, baby, you got it,” he says, his voice faltering slightly.

Just then he slows down the drive of his hips, moving his legs and balancing himself again in between your thighs until he finds the new angle he’s searching for. Your breath hitches when it seems like he slides even deeper inside your pussy. The head of his cock starts to hit that amazing spongy spot inside you and he smiles victoriously when you’re reduced to a blubbering mess. When his thumb rubs on your clit, joining his dick in his effort to make you mad, you’re done for.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” you moan out, squeezing your eyes shut. Your legs tremble and you try to hold it together, but your peak is coming at you faster and faster. “Baby, I think I’m gonna– I’m cum–”

You’re interrupted by Seunghan’s lips crashing on yours and his tongue being shoved inside your mouth. Your orgasm rips through your body like an out-of-control train flying off its tracks. It’s brisk and powerful, leaving your heart racing and your breath short, your mouth hanging open while you moan your boyfriend’s name until your voice feels raw.

“That’s it, baby. That’s a good girl, cumming all over my cock,” Seunghan says, his eyes locking on yours when your jaw clenches. “I’m right behind you, baby. Going to give you my cum now.”

“I want it, Hani, please do it,” you request with a hoarse voice, fighting your words out through the soreness in your throat.

“Oh, shit,” he groans, his hips jerking and stuttering, his cock swelling up and twitching inside you. “Yeah, fucking take it, baby.”

He spills inside your cunt and you moan deeply one more time before he slumps against you, his forehead pressing on your shoulder while your pussy milks him dry. He’s still holding you up, but the hand that was pining your thigh to the wall is now limp, and you move your leg back to wrap around him, tightening your hold of him to keep him inside you as long as possible.

Seunghan moans some more in your ear and you press reassuring kisses on the moles over his shoulders while you both calm down and catch your breaths. When you feel his gasps mellowing out, you press your fingers on his nape and pull his head back to look into his eyes.

“Hi,” you whisper and he gives you the sweetest smile ever, the lines around his eyes cracking and his whisker dimples appearing on his cheeks. “Happy birthday, Hani.”

He hums happily and rests his forehead on yours, dropping five consecutive pecks on your mouth. “Thank you, baby. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you say, pressing your lips on his to give him a full kiss. He responds eagerly, tongue stroking yours and hands sliding to the back of your thighs to kee you up.

You feel his dick stirring inside you again when he pulls back and says, “You think we can go for round two before the guys show up?”

You laugh incredulously at him and unwrap your legs from his body, pushing on his shoulders until he pulls out of you. He whimpers pathetically at the loss of contact and you lift a finger to shut him up.

“Don’t you start, Hong Seunghan,” you admonish him.

He just pouts and catches your finger with his hand, puts it inside of his mouth and starts to suck on it, looking at you wickedly as he does so, all that while his cum starts to seep out of you. Your breath hitches at the scene and because his remnants now sticking to your thighs. But you keep your cool, withdrawing your finger from between his lips until it’s out with a pop. You give his chest a slap and then turn, moving to stand under the shower head to clean yourself.

However, before you can get the soap on your body, his arms are around you again and his lips are ghosting over the shell of your ear. “I’ll be quick, baby. Please, it’s my birthday.”

You roll your eyes at him. He’s insatiable. And he’s definitely going to be late for his own birthday party.

happy birthday, hani, i love you! If you liked this work, consider sharing your thoughts with me on the comments or my ask box. thanks for reading! 🧡

[nyenyel]

I love you Mabel Pines

[stuffed-x-arts]

[crabsnpersimmons]

Hello there!

I'd like to know your advice on drawing tablets?

As in, what do you use for your digital art? Is there any you suggest?

I'm planning on getting one, but there are so many options, and I'd like to know your opinion and preference.

Thank you ^^

hi anon! thanks for the question!

i draw with a samsung galaxy tab s7!

BUT if this is your first time drawing digitally, then it's a good idea to test out if you like it with cheaper options first (so you don't drop a whole lot of money on a hobby/medium of art you don't enjoy)

some suggestions:

if you have a smart phone, try drawing with your finger using free to use drawing apps like ibispaint X or HiPaint (i recommend HiPaint cuz the UI is a lot simpler and less overwhelming, but both have a good selection of tools. i wanna say ibispaint has better text tools tho and there's A LOT more tutorials and resources online) drawing digitally with your finger is different from drawing digitally with a pen AND drawing traditionally, but this is a good way to familiarize yourself with digital art tools. a very simple entry point if you already have a smart phone.

if you don't want to draw with your finger (understandable, i personally couldn't stand it) you can try simple drawing tablets, which are the tablets that you plug into your computer/laptop, come with a pen, but they don't have a screen you draw directly on. they're actually a lot more affordable nowadays (i saw some for under $50 CAD, which is WILD), so that’s a good starting option if you want to draw with a pen. with a pen, you have more control with line weights than you do with your finger, but it takes practice to get used to. it also takes some getting use to drawing on a tablet and looking at your monitor, but this is where i started haha. i still have my old bamboo wacom create drawing tablet. but nowadays, other brands like xp-pen and huion are very comparable to wacom, so definitely consider getting a cheaper one to try out first. of course, if you go with a drawing tablet, you'll need an art program on your computer. i've used photoshop and clip studio paint and they're very good, but probably overwhelming for people who are new to digital art (they are loaded with tools and you have to really familiarize yourself with the menus and everything). there are probably simpler options available... but i'm not as familiar with them. oh wait, i think there are some drawing tablets that can also connect with your smart phone too nowadays. man, that's so cool. that's probably a better option instead of purchasing photoshop or clip studio paint right off the bat.

if you REALLY want a screen display experience, try a cheaper general tablet. iPads are a popular option if you're comfortable with the Apple ecosystem (i'm not 😅) but they can be pricey PLUS you have to buy the Apple pen separately. for Android, I'm pretty sure even the Samsung Galaxy Tab S6 is a solid choice and it comes with a pen unlike an iPad. the SPen is built with Wacom tech, so you know it's quality. and while iPad has Procreate, HiPaint is available for Android and it's basically a Procreate clone (i explain more about HiPaint here) otherwise, ibisPaint X is also good and infinite painter is probably the most sophisticated free to use drawing app i've encountered (sophisticated as in it does a pretty good job at imitating traditional media in their brushes. it's cool, but the free version is very limited).

also if you like watching videos, Brad Colbow and Teoh on Tech on YouTube are great resources. they specifically review tech from an artist's perspective.

why i suggest testing it out is because if you're used to drawing traditionally, then switching to digital is a different experience. some artists can't get used to drawing digitally, and that's fine. that's why it's a good idea to test it out with a cheaper option first to see if you like it and to give yourself time to familiarize yourself with drawing apps/programs. i actually kinda hated drawing digitally at first. i didn't have the same level of control that i was used to with drawing traditionally. and overtime i made a lot of bad habits with my digital art that i had to unlearn by switching back to traditional art for a couple years (some bad habits like: relying on the Undo button to make "perfect" lines; trying to draw really fast because the pen glides over the screen unlike a pencil has friction against paper) so... give it a try and just let yourself have fun. don't worry about making anything perfect, just have fun!

[bluesyjean]

So I haven't read the entire Commission Handbook, but here's a a few highlights from Five's dossier that I'm clinging to:

While at the Commission, Five completed 767 missions. Actual kill count is definitely higher than that. (Truly a crime he said "no more killing" in S2 and literally stopped, but this is a fun actual number to have for him.)

It also mentions that he "cannot blink if his hands are restricted out of view" via handcuffs. (There's a notation that says "Is that verified?" next to it but honestly what a fun thing that would have been to play with.)

Hate where he went in S4? Well in an 'alternate timeline' he is married to his fashion model wife Delores. The good timeline was out there all along. (No idea what the 'alternate timeline' bits are but that happens when you're only skimming for the good parts.)

Honestly, if you're a fan of the show, this is a decent book to pick up! I'm just now being able to stomach reading it after S4 and I'm so glad I have this one thing.

[amethystina]

Each Touch (Brings Us One Step Closer)

Fandom/Pairing: The Devil Judge - Gahan

Length: 1 chapter + 1 bonus chapter (~ 26 000 words)

Rating/Warnings: M / Slight Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Themes, Angst, Suicide Ideation, Grief, Pining, Biting, Rough Sex, Barebacking, Dom/sub Undertones, Praise Kink

Additional Tags: Happy Ending, Fluff, Touching, First Kiss

Summary: Ga On has always been known for being impulsive to the point of recklessness. But even he can admit that there are certain lines that should never be crossed, since doing so would be both impolite and disrespectful.

Excessively and inappropriately touching your boss is definitely one of those.

And yet, despite knowing that — despite being well aware of how dangerous it is to keep recklessly touching a man like Kang Yo Han — Ga On finds it difficult to stop. He knows he should, if not out of deference to his superior, then for his own sake. He can feel his self-control crumble a little more with each new touch and, in its stead, rises a confusing, breathtaking yearning he's not sure if he's ready to face — much less knows how to handle.

It feels like it's only a matter of time before his resolve shatters entirely.

GO HERE TO READ

[nyssasatelier]

Little bit of my rough WIP of suffering

I promise it won't be this ugly when it's done lol trust the process guys, trust the process 🙏

[yuseirra]

YEAH!! That does it!! I' m going to spam the hikkai tag till it dies!! I am so sorry for being annoying!! It's out of love though! For those of you are with me we need the luck. Bless you all. Also let's play persona 3 reload + episode Aigis together. I still haven't been able to play despite having bought it but I really want to get to it this weekend or so, it's my favorite game. I'm sure you'll all enjoy it! Have a nice day!!

[hidekomoon]

tagged by @hitmewithlghtning - List 5 topics you can talk on for an hour without preparing any material! thank youuu

We Are Lady Parts

Pre-Raphaelite art

the representation of witches from the Malleus Maleficarum to today

Paramore (both the music and the behind the scenes drama)

The Handmaiden

tagging: @micamicster @gayjomarch @shesnake @elletao @tvmilfs @userparamore

[kvetchinglyneurotic]

Hi. Sorry to bother you. Was just wondering if you were working on anything Ted lasso at the moment? I've been rereading all your works! They're my fav

Thank you for the ask, I'm always happy to take questions! Unfortunately I continue to be incapable of working on more than one fic at a time, and at the moment, the one fic is my original sci-fi novel Arson and Other Fires. That being said, I do have ~4 TL fics in various stages of planning and might either take a break between parts 1 and 2 of AaOF to work on them, or take another stab at doing the multiple WIPs thing once I'm free from the admittedly self-imposed torment nexus that is applying to PhD programs.

Here's what I have outlined for 5 times someone suspected something was up with Jamie, +1 time they said something about it:

One (season 1): who remembers their first drink of alcohol, anyway?

Two (2x03ish): Sam mentions he got the idea for the Dubai Air protest because his dad was upset the team had them as a sponsor, and suddenly Jamie's being... weird every time he gets a phone call from Ola

Three: Things are weird after Wembley. Isaac tries to be a good captain.

Four: In which Roy feels bad for slapping food out of Jamie's hand, and Jamie doesn't understand why

Five: Jamie's depressed and talkative

+One: Jamie comes back form Manchester with a manic energy and a head full of stories about his dad. Everyone else is alarmed

[umblrspectrum]

i am SO FUCKING POWERFUL MY EGO IS THROUGH THE ROOF

[sankttealeaf]

gamers. i miss the sun :(

[terresdebrume]

Body update: it turns out that after about a year (ish) of trying to eat more healthily and avoiding fast food, my body cannot handle some of the meals I used to enjoy anymore

I had a burger last week at DND and was sick, and I thought it was bc the burger particularly greasy, but then when I ordered from my usual place today (less horrendously greasy but still, you know, a fast food burger) I actually kinda stopped enjoying it three bites in and had to put in some effort to finish it x)

Oh well

[evilmagician430]

who up sinning their fest

[vergilmayhoard]

Jealousy and insecurity is actually a fucking bitch because why am I feeling awful about seeing someone like his post other than me and why am I thinking something's wrong with that when there's nothing wrong with that? I don't know. It's getting worse, or maybe I'm just sleep-deprived, insomnia has genuinely been kicking my ass but I just want him to know how much I genuinely love him and how devoted I am to him. I want him to know that thinking about him with anybody else makes me sick to my stomach and how much I cry over him. I love him, I genuinely love him so much. I hate reading too much into everything and overthinking but I love him. I don't know, I'm not making sense, I can never not be insecure. I will ruin myself to be with him, if it has to be that way. Sure, I want to get better, but to make sure that he stays loyal and devoted to me, I think I would want to get worse. My thoughts are racing so bad right now and I'm overthinking so much I feel like I'm going to vomit.

[sociallyawkwardseal]

Okay, so not fanfic/writing stuff but do you ever think of how close Calla and Kody used to be? How sweet and bright and encouraging she was towards him when they were younger? How friendly and warm she was? How they smiled at each other? It makes me want to eat rocks.