#sonj of a bitch

[anaskunk]

tpyjign thism on the bus with my mob kle hotspot to tell you thajt this fucjkass vendimg machine took my mney my moolah,,,,,,,,, i just wanted soda

[theeverlastingshade]

Favorite Releases of May 2024

10. To All Trains- Shellac

Essentials: “I Don’t Fear Hell”, “WSOD”, “How I Wrote How I Wrote Elastic Man (cock & bull)”

9. Death Jokes- Amen Dunes

Essentials: “Purple Land”, “Boys”, “Joyrider”

8. Ten Fold- Yaya Bey

Essentials: "sir princess bad bitch”, “slow dancing in the kitchen”, “chasing the bus”

7. Frog in Boiling Water- DIIV

Essentials: “Soul-net”, “Brown Paper Bag”, “Reflected”

6. #RICHAXXHAITIAN- Mach-Hommy

Essentials: “SONJE” ft. Hephzibah, “ANTONOMASIA” ft. Roc Marciano, “#RICHAXXHAITIAN” ft. 03 Greedo & Kaytranada

5. Funeral for Justice- Mdou Moctar

Essentials: “Oh France”, “Imouhar”, “Funeral for Justice”

4. Almighty So 2- Chief Keef

Essentials: “Too Trim”, “Banded Up” ft. Tierra Whack, “Believe”

3. Breathe… Godspeed- Verraco

Essentials: “Sí, idealízame”, “0∞”

2. AMAMA- Crumb

Essentials: “The Bug”, “Dust Bunny”, “Genie"

1. Here in the Pitch- Jessica Pratt

Essentials: “Better Hate”, “The Last Year”, “Get Your Head Out”

[correctmianitequotes]

(A/N good god this one’s a long one. Sorry not really sorry? lemme know if they’re too long, too short, or just right. as always, feedback is always SUPER appreciated, and if you have any ideas for where the series should go, please please please tell me!)

DAY 2: TUCKER

It’s been about two days on the island. I’m just now getting hungry. I guess now that I’m not constantly sprinting around with heavy armor on all the time I use less energy. Who’da guessed. 

So around midnight last night, while we were collecting seeds and trying to avoiding mobs, Tom said he had something important to discuss. 

“I just want to say I’m calling trial right now. I’m calling trial because just now- Sonja came up to me- and punched me.” Jordan gasped while Tom nodded. Sonja sputtered indignantly.

“I-no I- I didn’t-” Her words were drowned out by Tom’s cool tone. 

“Don’t worry, we’re going to have a fair trial here. Tucker, what do you think?”

“I vote she’s dead,” I declared.

“I vote she’s off the island as well!” Tom concurred. “Drown yourself! Drown yourself, woman!” 

“Oh… okay… goodbye everyone.” Sonja waded into the now cold water and pretended to wipe a tear from her eye. She had taken off her shoes in the day and was walking around barefoot. Why? No clue. My girlfriend’s weird. 

Jordan, who had been quiet this whole time, diverted the conversation. “Alright, I’m tired of the mobs spawning. I’m lighting things up.”

“Yes, please,” I said. “Like a diamond, Jordan. Like a diamond in the sky.”

“Shine bright like a diamond~,” he sang, placing torches on the ground as he walked. 

“Oh wait, there are two zombie villagers over here!” Tom announced. “We should keep them and turn them back into villagers!”

“Oo! Yeah, let’s lure them into a trap, I got this,” I responded, digging a 2x2 hole in the ground.  Jordan made noises of uneasiness. I walked up to one of the zombie villagers and punched it twice. It started coming after me. Even walking, I outpaced it easily. My teammates were trying to trap the other one. I led my zombie over to the pit. “Come ‘ere, baby.” Unfortunately, the zombie was too smart for its own good and kept going in circles around my pit. 

“We got em! We got him in the pit!” Tom exclaimed. “Right, what should we name him?”

“Larry!”

“Terry Crews!”

“Oh, I guess Terry works,” Jordan conceded. “Still got that -erry theme going for it.”

“Dude, I need some help, this dude does not want to go in. Can someone please come and, like, punch him in here?” I asked.

“We already made a pit,” Tom said. “Come over here.” I followed him, and the zombie followed me. I walked around to the other side to tempt it to come and get me while Tom came up behind it to push it in. 

“Come’ere buddy,” I said. I gave Tom the signal. Tom ended up shoving it WAY TOO HARD and sent it flying RIGHT INTO ME.

“OW TOM WHAT THE SH- I JUST TOOK TWO DAMAGE!” I roared, reeling back. 

“Sorry mate, I guess I’m just too strong,” Tom apologized, flexing his muscles. Jordan laughed and took a swing at the zombie. It started coming back towards me. I felt the adrenaline coursing through my veins. I gave it a light tap towards the pit.

“Dude, just hit him in there! Haymaker ‘im! Haymaker ‘im!” Tom cheered. I backed away. 

“I don’t wanna kill it!” 

“Tucker, it has so much health compared to your measly fist!” Jordan prompted me. Now Tom laughed. 

“My measly fist is so strong, though,” I said, looking to my girlfriend. “Right, Sonj?” Sonja just grinned at me. She was watching from the sidelines, letting the boys do the hard work. 

Tom and Jordan teamed up and punched him back over to me. I was up against a ledge in the sand, and got hit again. And again. I was taking some real damage. I screeched in fear, scrambling away towards the torches. 

“Alright, I’m out, I’m not doing this, you guys suck, this was not worth it at all,” I ranted. Right as I said that, Tom and Jordan managed to hit it into the pit. I never realized how well they worked together until our final purge, when they teamed up briefly and absolutely wrecked everyone else. When they actually put their minds together to collaborate, they’re pretty unbeatable. 

I went back to the sand hut to heal. I had gotten hit pretty bad. I watched the entrance as Tom confronted two spiders and a zombie at once. He had gotten hold of an iron sword (probably from Jordan) and started beating the zombie back. This zombie had somehow gotten chain armor, which is weird because this island looks like it’s never had humans on it, ever. Instead of hitting the zombie and getting a nice thwack, all Tom got was a dull clink as his sword came in contact with the armor. Sonja came over to help with her stone sword. 

“Sonja, get out of the way,” I heard Tom mutter to her, concentrating on landing the blows just right. In the two and a half days we’ve been on the island, Sonja has already wandered into possible harm’s way twice now. The first time was when she was checking out the mine and kept walking in front of Jordan while he was trying to swing his pickaxe. 

“Sonja, get out of the way!” he reproached, nearly goring her with his stone pick. 

“Sorry!” she replied. “I’m just so curious!” 

“Well come be curious over here,” I said to her. She’s not very good at being aware of her surroundings. While Tom can never stay on task, she gets tunnel vision and ignores everything around her. Jordan’s good at both. It’s unconscious for him, I think. He’s been through so many worlds that checking over his shoulder is natural for him. If anyone of us makes it to the end (which we all probably will, ‘cept for Sonja. Sorry Sonj.), I think it’ll be him. 

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .   .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

Anyways, back to the zombie fight. Sonja took out the spiders while Tom hit the zombie again and again. Finally, it dissipated in a puff of smoke, along with the armor. Damn. 

“I’m getting pretty hungry. Tucker, do you still have those apples?” she asked me. I clicked my tongue and shook my head. “Nah, I had to eat them. I’m still about half way away from being all healed up, and I need food too, so.” 

As the sun rose, so did our need for food. I could hear Sonja’s stomach growling. I wasn’t super hungry, but in order to properly heal I would need at least another apple or something. 

 It was actually Tom who came up with a solution. “Alright, this is now Team Fishing, bitches,” he announced. “Who’s fisharooing with me?”

“I’ll fish,” I offered. “Let’s go on a fishing trip. It’ll be fun.” I stepped over to the water and sat down on the sand, preparing to cast. 

Sonja’s voice distracted me. “Alright, these two chickens have banged and now there’s another one, should I kill one for food?” I frowned and put down my rod. 

“Don’t kill the chicken,” I told her, making my way over to her. 

“Well, no, I made them bang, see, and-”

Out of nowhere, I heard screaming behind me. I whipped around and saw Tom clutching himself, staring at a tree that had apparently just grown. Jordan, who had been right near him, was laughing. 

“Wait, what just happened?” I asked. 

Jordan laughed some more, putting his hand on Tom’s shoulder. “Dude, are you okay?” 

“YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,” Tom yelled. He didn’t seem to be injured, from what I could tell. “I AM AGAINST TREE GROWTH!” He started marching around, pulling up all those saplings I had planted. 

“What just- what was that?” I asked again. I’m still not really sure, but from what I understand- 

Wait. One second. 

Okay, so Tom has requested that he gets to write the part where he nearly died on day 2. I’m handing the pen over to Tom. 

Okay, so I was just walking around the island, when suddenly, I stepped over a sapling, and it just- f-ckin- grew on me! The tree was just like, “nope”. And it hurt alot, too! I have splinters everywhere, I’m going to be picking wood out of my toes and torso for days. Anyways, I am now #antitreegrowth and will now chop down any sapling that I see. And that is the story of I nearly died to a f-ckin tree. F-ckin Groot. Alright, peace, homies!

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .   .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

Okay, so I just got the paper back, and I see that Tom doesn’t know how to spell “a lot”, so nice going Tom. 

Anyways, once Tom’s near death experience was over, we got back on track with fishing. I cast my rod into the water and sat down on the beach again. 

“Any extra fishing rods I could borrow? I can help with fishing, too,” Jordans commented. 

“Right, because we need food,” said Tom helpfully. (See what I mean about not staying on task?) He and Sonja were talking about breeding when I felt a tug on my rod. I jumped up excitedly and pulled. I reeled in my spoils. 

“GUYS, I CAUGHT A FEESH! A one pound feesh!” I exclaimed. I immediately went to put it in the furnace. It was a decently sized fish. Definitely not enough to feed a crowd of 10,ooo people or whatever Jesus did, but definitely enough to stop hunger pangs. 

“Aw nice!” Tom said. He gave me a thumbs up as he chopped down a tree with personal intensity. “Can I please have it?”

I thought for a moment. ‘Of course not, I caught the damn thing.” If I didn’t heal up these zombie wounds soon, they would get infected and I would end up looking like Tom (I would still be better looking than Tom, of course, but I like having non-green skin and not having to cover most of my body to avoid catching on fire when I stand out in the sun too long). Then I thought about how Tom did kind of save my ass from zombies earlier, and almost died to a tree, and how it’s always a good thing to reward Tom for remembering his “pleases” and “thank yous”.

“I’m putting it in the furnace for you,” I told him, sliding the fish in there. I’d eat the next one that I caught. 

“Really? Aw, thanks, man.” Tom sounded sort of surprised. I went back over to the ocean, where I saw Jordan standing with a fishing rod that he had borrowed from Tom. I plopped down next to him. 

Jordan sighed. “This is gonna take so long,” 

“Wanna crack open a beer?” I joked. Sidenote about me, I actually like fishing. It’s relaxing, and there’s a bonus in the fact that you get to eat something once you’re done. Just as I said that, I noticed Jordan’s sinker disappear.

“I got something”

“Reel it in, reel it in!” 

When Jordan pulled his line in, however, he did not get a delicious fish. He got an enchanted fishing rod! Lucky bastard. 

“Tom, here’s a return on your investment. One fishing rod,” Jordan said, proudly presenting his rod to Tom. 

Tom took it and checked it out. “Wait, now all three of us can fish!”  He jumped down the sand bank and sat in between Jordan and I. 

“That’s really odd, though. Like, we’re in the middle of nowhere. How did a fishing rod get out here?” Jordan wondered.

“Same thing with the armor and the zombie!”

“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe we aren’t alone out here. Maybe other people have already been here and died and we’re next.” Everyone got quiet for a second, contemplating this theory. Then Tom broke the silence by launching into what he believed what was the history of this great island. Still, the idea that we weren’t the first lingered in my mind like the smell of fish in the air.

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .   .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

We fished and shot the breeze for a couple of hours. Whenever we caught one, we would hand it off to Sonja, who would put it in the furnace while she worked on improving our base.

“I had no idea this would be so efficient!” Tom remarked. 

“E-fish-ent?” Jordan made that face he makes whenever he tells a stupid pun. Sonja and I groaned. Tom laughed, but Tom laughs at everything Jordan says. 

Sonja popped up at the top of the sand bank. “Hey tucker, do you need some feesh?” 

“I do, actually.” I responded. She dropped it on my head. 

“Wow, thanks Sonj,” I said, gobbling it up as fast as I could without choking on the bone. I started to feel better after that. Now all I needed was a good dip in salt water and bam! No more worrying about getting mistaken for zombie (or worse: Tom) and being killed by one of my teammates. I decided to wade into the water and sit down in the shallow part, letting my wounds take in the salt water. It stung a little, but the water was cool and it felt nice. Once we caught enough fish to last us a little while, we all went about separate tasks. I was in the mine when I heard Sonja say to no one in particular, “Where did my rabbit go?”

“Why’s it your rabbit? It’s gonna be our rabbit,” I retorted. 

“I guess so… Yay! I found him!” 

“What’s his name?” Tom asked. 

“Hmmm... “ Here we go again. It’s basically a law a law that you have to name every single thing that moves. First the zombie villagers, now this.

“Well he kind of looks like a cow…” 

“Name it Moo the Rabbit,” I suggested. “Or Bud.”

Sonja sounded like she liked that name.“Moo! Moo the Rabbit.” 

I ventured back up to the surface. I had gotten loads of iron and coal. The sun was setting again when I got up there, and I could smell porkchops. I saw my girlfriend chasing a bunny around, Jordan working on the house to make it less crap, and Tom improving our farm so that we could breed the cows that had appeared. I took a deep breath and smiled. We are gonna make this work. 

Well, either Tom or Sonja’s recording after me, so you’ll find out what happens next when they writes it all down. I’m actually pretty stoked. Good things are ahead.

Signing off,

Jericho.

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .   .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

[venomdoves]

#87 and sonja & janis friendship uwu

#87: "I saved you a seat." Ask me these!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Janis, you dumbass!" Sonja snarls under her breath, hopping a little as she stands on her seat, cursing her diminutive stature yet again. "Dammit, you little bitch, where are you-"

But Janis's bleached blond ends are nowhere to be seen in the rowdy crowd of high-schoolers, even from Sonja's precarious perch on the armrest of her bus seat. She sighs, scanning the crowded bus yet again. At nearly six feet tall and wearing a jacket spray-painted with what Sonja knows to be a copy of her "mouth" painting, you'd think Janis would be a little harder to miss.

"If you get left behind it's gonna be your own fault, idiot," Sonja mumbles, swaying a little and stumbling to catch herself with a hand on the seat in front of her. Under her feet, the bus rumbles as the driver revs the engine, bellowing at the chattering students to sit down, shut up, and find their seats. And Janis is still nowhere to be found.

Sonja slumps a little, hopping down from the armrest to settle into her seat, glaring moodily out at the rain-spattered window. Field trips are miserable enough on their own, but with Cady at an out-of-state Mathletes competition and Damian home with the flu, Janis was her last hope at not being entirely alone at Navy Pier.

Her bad mood is entirely based on self-interest, of course. Someone she knows means that she's much less likely to be "accidentally" drop-kicked off the pier. She's being completely selfish in wanting Janis there.

It's obviously not like she'd miss the bitch or anything, of course.

"Am I too late?" The familiar sardonic voice snaps Sonja out of her obviously completely self-centered moment and she jerks around to see none other than Janis herself in the grimy aisle, bearing her "symbol of teenage female power" and the most shit-eating grin she's ever seen in her life. "Damn, Sonj, you look like you're plotting either my murder or my funeral. Possibly both. Am I banned for making you wait?"

"I'm gonna kill you," Sonja mumbles, patting the dusty seat beside her anyway. "Course not, Sarkisian. Sit your ass down, I saved you a seat."

Janis flops cockily into the seat, nudging Sonja's knee for more room. "Put your legs together, Acquino. Manspreading isn't ladylike."

"Fuck off," Sonja shoots back, elbowing her in the ribs. "Don't make me regret not banning you."

"Like you could ever ban me. You love me."

"Bullshit."