#somewhere along the line i realized that the way to win interviews | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cloverthirteen · 4 years ago

Text

Was Ace Attorney made as a satire on Japan’s legal system? -- An analysis

I wouldn’t really call myself an Ace Attorney fan--I’ve never played any of the games, the closest I’ve come being watching other people’s let’s plays. I do like reading about the series on wikis and interacting with fan content for it, though, so I do know a fair amount about it.

One thing I see being said pretty often by fans is that the series was intended as a satire/parody of the Japanese legal system, which is why the courts are ridiculously biased towards the prosecution, prosecutors often care more about perfect win records more than putting actual guilty people behind bars, etc. If you’re familiar with this, you’ve probably heard of Japan’s 99% conviction rate. This interpretation of the games and the way they work definitely makes sense.

But after hearing this many times I eventually noticed something. There isn’t a single actual source (creator statement, interview, etc.) that backs up this claim. Every time I see someone online say “the series creator made Ace Attorney to parody Japan’s actual legal system” there is never a link to an interview or anything that proves their statement correct. If someone has an actual, verified source from Shu Takumi or someone else who had significant involvement with the series, please prove me wrong and show it to me. But according to all of the creator’s statement’s I’ve read, there’s no evidence of the series being an intentional parody.

So, what do we know about the creation of the Ace Attorney series? Well, it was created by Shu Takumi, who wrote and directed the first three games. After working on the dinosaur survival horror game Dino Crisis for Capcom, he was given the opportunity to make any kind of game he wanted. He really wanted to make mystery and adventure games, and from that came Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney.

MC: Before developing Ace Attorney you worked on Dino Crisis. How does one go from dinosaur survival horror to virtual courtrooms?

ST: Dino Crisis was the brainchild of my then boss, Resident Evil creator, Shinji Mikami. Working on his projects taught me not only how to make games, but also how to think about them. After Dino Crisis 2 wrapped, Mr Mikami gave me six months in which to create any kind of game I wanted.

I was still pretty wet behind the ears, but as I'd originally joined Capcom with a desire to create mystery and adventure games, this was a huge chance for me to make my mark as a creator. In the end it took a team of seven 10 months to produce the first GBA Ace Attorney title. Having the freedom to create exactly the kind of game I wanted was amazing and it was a real pleasure to work on that project.

MC: Can you remember when the idea of Ace Attorney first came to you? How did your bosses respond to the idea of a lawyer-based adventure game when you first described it to them?

ST: It was in 2000 when Mr Mikami said I could make my own game and my original idea was a fairly typical adventure with a detective as the main character. Most mystery adventures have the player choose from a number of different dialogue options for their character in order to progress the story, but I wanted a new gameplay style that enabled players to deduce for themselves what was happening, rather than just selecting canned responses. I developed this into the concept of facing off against the suspect in a crime and exposing the contradictions in their statements.

I was sure my new idea would be a fun and original take on the genre, so I started to revise the main character, since a detective would be too traditional for such an original concept. I asked myself, "What kind of professional would face off against a suspect and expose their contradictory statements?" The answer, of course, was a lawyer and so the Ace Attorney concept was born.

(source, from an interview on the making of the series)

Takumi’s original concept for the game involved Phoenix as not a defense lawyer, but as a detective. The gameplay was to consist of “facing off against the suspect of a crime and finding the contradictions in their statements.” However, Takumi eventually realized that taking apart contradictions wasn’t really a detective’s job, and decided to change the protagonist to a lawyer and the setting to a courtroom instead. And thus, the game’s concept was finalized.

Janet: As you know, “Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy” is coming out world-wide this winter, and as I was brainstorming what to write about for this week’s blog, I remembered your tweets from 2010.

Takumi: Tweets from 2010?

Janet: …Well, it was a long time ago…

Takumi: ???

Janet: I-It’s OK if you don’t remember…

Takumi: …Oh, THOSE! Yes!

Janet: I remember reading them and being shocked by how different the original draft of the game’s story was – how Phoenix wasn’t even a lawyer, but a private eye!

Takumi: Yes, AA was originally supposed to be a detective game, so naturally, Phoenix was to be a private eye. But then, one day, I made a startling realization: the gameplay concept I was going for was for players to enjoy finding and taking contradictions apart, but that was hardly related to investigating or detective work at all. In that moment, I had it – I realized that the main setting for the game should be the courtroom.

Janet: That’s quite the jump, but you know, I can’t imagine this series being anything else at this point.

(source, from an interview by Janet Hsu about the game’s early development)

During the development for the game, Takumi actually knew very little about the intricacies of the legal system--and in fact, he’s been very transparent about that fact in interviews. There’s even a story he talks about in a blog post where he was asked “shouldn’t we do some research on law before we make this game?” and agonized over it for a bit before deciding that being accurate about courtroom processes wasn’t important--what was important was that the game made the trials exciting and fun.

November, 2000. The characters were coming together, and I was working desperately on my first scenario (the current Turnabout Sisters). One day, I was asked about the one thing I didn’t want to be asked about.

“Mr. Takumi. Don’t we need to do some research on law?”

The knowledge I have about the law, pretty amounts to the one fact that in Japan we have the Roppō Zensho ('Complete Book of The Six Major Legal Codes').

“Don’t bother with that. This is a detective game. “

It should have been over with this one line, but…

“But this isn’t a detective game, it’s a lawyer game!”

“If it’s not going to be realistic, I don’t see why this should be about trials.”

“People who play this might get wrong knowledge from the game!”

“We might get sued by the Bar Association!”

“They’ll start complaining!”

…Gyakuten Saiban (Ace Attorney GBA) is simply a “mystery game.”　“Being realistic” is not what is important. What’s important is emphasizing, and recreating the unique “atmosphere” and “tension” of the courtroom. That is why the judge uses a gavel, even though no judge uses that, and why Naruhodō shouts "Objection!" even though nobody does that either.　This game does not need a “realistic courtroom”!

Chasing the true murderer down to the end, and then getting applauded for that in the courtroom. That feeling of thrill and excitement. It was only by February of the following year when we finally manage to recreate that in the game. The couple of months after this had happened, we looked around, got lost and troubled our minds in search for the answer of the big question of “How do we make a trial into a game?”. Fall was passing by, and the cold winter was close upon us.

(source, from an archived blog post by Takumi)

So, realism and knowledge of law wasn’t important to Takumi during the development of the series. But there’s also the fact that Takumi has actually personally denied that the Ace Attorney series was an intentional satire or criticism of the court system at any point. In fact, according to a blog post (done as if Phoenix and Maya were reading the column and commenting on it), he actually dislikes people seeing his work this way, as he never intended the games to have any big political statements.

A major prerequisite for Gyakuten Saiban is it’s so simple “even my mother could play it”. So there is only one point at the core of the game: “Seeing through lies”.

Naruhodō: It wasn’t even supposed to be a game about the trials at first. Mayoi: Eh! Really?! Naruhodō: “Simple” is basically all this game is about, according to TakuShū. Mayoi: What do you mean? Naruhodō: He didn’t want to add all kinds of elements for the player to think about, like alibis, tricks or about the culprit. It’d just confuse them. Mayoi: Really. Naruhodō: Basically, you can proceed in the game if you just think about where the contradiction is. He figured that with that, the controls of the game could also stay simple. Mayoi: But, but, why the trials then? Naruhodō: “A story about a detective seeing through lies” wouldn’t be any different from the other games out there. So that’s why he decided to have someone whose job is seeing through lies as the protagonist. Mayoi: So a defense attorney. Naruhodō: Occasionally TakuShū sees magazines introducing the game as “a work that dared to take on the theme of trials”, and that actually hurts him. Mayoi: He never meant to be something as big as that….

(source, from the mentioned blog post)

Ultimately I see how easy it is, if you know a good amount about both Ace Attorney and Japan’s legal system, to come to the conclusion that the games were made as a dig against the latter. However, somewhere along the line, people apparently stopped seeing this as merely a theory and instead as a definite fact. Now, that doesn’t mean that the theory is entirely unfounded--given that Takumi focused only on making trials interesting and fun in the games, you could say that the games work as an light, comedic parody, not meant to make any political statements. And hey, maybe there’s something I missed--maybe there were other people working on the series who did have significant knowledge of law and wrote some parts of the games as intentional satire of the system. Again, if anyone has evidence of this, don’t hesitate to provide it. But with what I know, I don’t think going “well actually” to people who point out the ridiculousness and unfairness of Ace Attorney’s court system is necessary. It’s simply that way to make the games more fun.

#ace attorney #phoenix wright #this was actually kind of fun to research and write!#kinda felt like i was making a statement in a courtroom...

87 notes · View notes

jean-kayak · 4 years ago

Text

Anon Request: As someone tired of Y/N’s being spineless cowards around fangirls that disrespect her and cause her issues cuz they love her bf, let’s have Atsumu, Terushima, Oikawa, and Sakusa react to their usually gentle black!gf clocking these bitches with no hesitation. She’s nice and tried to avoid them, but they wanted to intimidate her and they were greeted with a fist to the face with the force of a pro-boxer.

Fangirl: Stay away from him! He belongs to us!

Y/N: 🙂 *cocks back and punches her before looking at other fangirls* Anyone else? No? Good, I’m getting my back blown out after this anyways *goes to her bf*

A/N: lmfao, anon, thank you for giving me a good laugh with this one

Characters: timeskip!Miya Atsumu, Terushima Yuuji, Oikawa Tooru, Sakusa Kiyoomi

🏐This was one of his games that you could finally go to, your schedule finally being cleared up

🏐It definitely wasn't the same watching your boyfriend play on TV, once again amazed at your boyfriend's talent

🏐He had scored the game winning point, his teammates and the crowd growing wild

🏐You hadn't told him you were coming, wanting to surprise him, so you waited outside of the stands, but you could see the many reporters lined up to interview him

🏐When he was done, you couldn't help but bounce on the balls of your feet, ready to see his reaction

🏐He doesn't notice you at first, so you call his name, and he looks around, his eyes widening when he spots you, and he's running over to you quickly, giving you a huge, sweaty hug

🏐"What're ya doing here?" he asks in disbelief, and you respond that you finally had free time from work

🏐He gives you another hug despite your protests before peppering your face in kisses, and your giggles stop along with his kisses when someone calls his name

🏐You both look and see a group of women all with his jersey number on them, and you instantly recognize them as the fangirls that you've noticed always hanging around whenever he did interviews

🏐He keeps his arm around your waist, and he steps a little closer to them. "Can I help ya?"

🏐You don't miss the way they eye you, and you raise an eyebrow at them

🏐"Is she your sister?"

🏐You laugh beside yourself at the petty question, not even being the least bothered by it, and Atsumu denies it, telling them that you're his girlfriend

🏐They all seemed more than shocked. "Oh," one of them starts. "I just expected her to be different?"

🏐Now you're pissed. Atsumu starts to defend you but you cut him off. "No, no, it's alright. They clearly have something to say," you start, stepping forward. "So, if you do. Say it."

🏐They all look between each other as you raise your eyebrows. "Atsumu there's no way you'd go for someone like her--"

🏐You deck her in the face, rolling your eyes when he falls onto the floor like a dramatic bitch

🏐"Oh, no, it looks like my hand slipped," you reply sarcastically as Atsumu's eyes widen, never seeing you or expecting you to do this

🏐You start walking away, stepping over the girl rolling on the ground holding her nose before turning to Atsumu. "Babe, you gotta get changed, right? Let's go."

🏐He jumps out of the shock he was in, glancing down at the girl on the ground, who's now being helped up by her friends before he runs after you

✂️"I know, I'm sorry. I'll remember next time," and you roll your eyes at the phrase that he says every time he forgets

✂️You were visiting your boyfriend at work because he had an annoying habit of forgetting his lunch

✂️You walk into the salon, seeing Terushima immediately, and his eyes widen in surprise before turning into a guilty smirk when you hold up the food

✂️"What did I tell you?" you scold when you walk up to him, and he kisses your forehead as he takes the food from you

✂️He thanks you again before giving you a soft kiss on the lips, and you're walking towards the door when you hear it

✂️"You know, Yuuji, you're pretty cute. Did I ever tell you that?"

✂️You stop in your tracks, spinning around on your heels to see his client blatantly flirting with him when you know she saw you interacting with him

✂️He responds with an awkward chuckle as he rubs the back of his neck, stating that he's taken, glancing your way

✂️"Oh, I didn't notice," she replies, and you watch her with a deadpanned look

✂️You walk up beside him, tiltling your head to the side

✂️"You need something?"

✂️She doesn't even seemed phased, giving you a simple shrug that makes you narrow your eyes at her

✂️This was sort of a regular occurrence, but no one's been this bold before, and you always caught the stares from other women, because duh your boyfriend's hot

✂️"This your girlfriend?" she asks, distain in her voice. "She seems like a bitch."

✂️"Excuse me?"

✂️"Aww, don't be like that. Most guys lower their standards, you know?" You cut her off, your fist connecting with her face before Terushima can even blink

✂️She actually tries to fight you back, but she obviously loses, getting to the point where her only goal is getting you off of her

✂️Terushima's thinking that's my girl, but then he's like oh shit, I have to stop this LMFAO

✂️He's quickly pulls you off of her, having a surprisingly hard time doing so

✂️"You chose the wrong one, bitch. Show your face here again and see what happens." She's quick to leave, and when you finally calm down, you realized that you just beat up someone in public, and Terushima almost loses his job 💀

🇦🇷You both stop when you hear someone call his name, both of you turning your attention towards the voice

🇦🇷You were walking out the gym hand-in-hand with your boyfriend going somewhere to celebrate after another win

🇦🇷When you walk out of the gym, the crowd has pretty much disappear due to Oikawa having a ton of interviews

🇦🇷He wraps his arm around you as you both laugh at an inside joke that you both had before he plants a kiss to your forehead

🇦🇷There's a small group of women with flags and wearing your boyfriend's jersey and he gives them a polite smile

🇦🇷This is nothing new for either of you, both of you already knowing what they want

🇦🇷He asks if they want a picture, already knowing the answer, and you easily take the pictures, this routine like clockwork to you

🇦🇷They giggle happily as you hand the phone back to one of them, and they all thank him before one of them speaks up

🇦🇷"Uh, this might sound weird, but are you seeing anyone?" You blink dumbly at her, like they didn't just see the two of you together

🇦🇷Oikawa has the same look on his face as he walks back to you, wrapping an arm around your waist before kissing your temple as he gives them a duh look, silently answering her question

🇦🇷"Are you sure?" another asks, and both you and Oikawa frown at the same time, as you feel yourself scoff

🇦🇷"More than anything in the world," he responds confidently

🇦🇷This isn't the first time fangirls have tried to come between your relationship, and he'll be damned if he lets it happen again

🇦🇷They all give each other questionable looks as you roll your eyes

🇦🇷"Is there a problem?" The tone in your voice surprises him, this being the first time he's heard aggression towards someone

🇦🇷"No, of course not," one answers sarcastically before reaching over and tugging your boyfriend over to them, the force so hard that he almost falls over. "We just think he would look better, happier with one of us."

🇦🇷You chuckle as you shake your head, and you reach over to take your hand off of your boyfriend, but she grabs at your wrist

🇦🇷Your reflexes are quick to kick in, and you yank both yours and Oikawa's wrist out of her grip before punching her in the face, probably harder than you needed to, but you were fucking pissed

🇦🇷Another girl tries to lunge for you, but you buck at her, making her quickly recoil. "You trynna get hit too?"

🇦🇷Oikawa's more than surprised, but he quickly puts his hand in yours before pulling you away from them with a proud smirk on his face

😷He sighs heavily as he turns to see a couple of women walking towards the both of you, his shoulders slumping slightly

😷Sakusa's never been a big fan of groups of people coming up to him after games, his number one priority getting home and relaxing after his game

😷You understand this pretty well, always helping him make his way out of the gym trying to find the route with the lowest chance of coming in contact with a lot of people

😷You had just made it out the doors, and Sakusa's about to take a breath of relief when he hears someone yelling his name

😷He's not really used to having "fangirls" a term that you use, and bottom line, he doesn't like it

😷They always crowd him, always trying to pry into his personal life, which is why he was so drawn to you when you first met

😷You were the complete opposite, more on the gentle, quieter side which he appreciated, liking that he could come home to you after a lot of excitement and just relax

😷"I'm sorry, but Sakusa doesn't really do pictures," you speak up, another reason why he really appreciates you, showing you by giving your hand a soft squeeze

😷But to his dismay, they don't back down, they actually turn pretty hostile pretty quickly

😷"Oh, relax, it's just one picture," she argues, and you give her a small smile

😷"I know, but seriously, he doesn't really care for them," you try again, and they both scoff

😷"What are you? His babysitter?" You raise your eyebrows at them as you turn your body towards them

😷"I'm his girlfriend. And I'm telling you that he doesn't want a picture."

😷"Well, you seem like a piece of shit girlfriend." You run your tongue over your teeth as you nod your head, and she actually has the audacity to try and reach for you

😷Before Sakusa can stop her, you dodge her hand before clocking her in the face, she hunches over in pain

😷The other girl tries to do the same, but you repeat your actions, putting her in the same position as her friend

😷"You got some audacity you dumb bitch, the fuck?"

😷To say the least, Sakusa is floored, your actions he least expected to come from you

😷"Hope you enjoy your broken nose. I'm gonna enjoy my boyfriend fucking his piece of shit girlfriend into next week."

😷Sakusa chokes as you pull him away, his face heating up at your words

😷"Did you really have to end with that?"

#atsumu headcanons #terushima headcanons #oikawa headcanons #sakusa headcanons #miya atsumu x black reader #terushima yuuji x black reader #oikawa tooru x black reader #sakusa kiyoomi x black reader #haikyuu!! headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #hq!! headcanons #hq headcanons #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #hq!!#hq

204 notes · View notes

wingsofanillyrian · 4 years ago

Text

Lights Over Monaco: Chapter 1

ITS HERE! I plan on updating this weekly/biweekly, based on how busy I am. Let me know if you wanna be added to the tag list!

Special thank you to my new F1 friend for inspiring this fic as well as being my beta reader, @acourtofcouture ! F1 fans out there, her fics are AMAZING

Chapter Masterlist

F1 Glossary

----------------

Nesta Archeron discovered Formula 1 when she was 9 years old. She woke before the sun one Sunday morning, quietly excited to have the television all to herself and watch whatever cartoons she wanted. But she couldn’t remember what channel they were on, instead flipping through the programs. She had almost given up when she stumbled across a race.

The moment she had seen the brightly colored open-wheeled cars flash across the screen, she paused. For whatever reason, the high pitched wasp-like scream of the twelve cylinder engines and the astonishing speed that the drivers were travelling enthralled young Nesta. She didn’t look away once for the rest of the race, or even for the post-race interviews and wrap up that most adults skipped. Something about it had her adrenaline pumping.

Nesta traded her dolls for matchbox cars, and when she grew older, picked up racing magazines instead of teen ones. Ever since that day, Formula 1 consumed her. No matter how the other kids or her two younger sisters teased her for it, her love for the sport never tarnished.

She spent years getting up at 2 am to watch live races that were being held halfway around the world. Instead of going to her senior prom, Nesta stayed home and layed out her predictions for the season’s drivers and constructors championships. She didn’t know how to do anything half-ass. She poured her whole heart into the sport and devoted her life to it.

**********

Nesta spent her 24th birthday working. It wasn’t like she could request the day off, not that it mattered. The racetrack at Monaco was exactly where she would have been anyway, working or not.

A press pass got her through the first security checkpoint. The team tents loomed ahead as she waited for personnel to cross the unstriped asphalt, inching her car carefully through the throngs of people. She rolled her window down, soaking in the sound of air tools and snippets of conversations.

Street tracks like Monaco were her favorite. They required drivers to push themselves with plenty of technical corners and dramatic incidents. There was less room for error, as the tracks themselves were not as wide. Drivers had to know their limits and follow the racing line closely.

Race tracks were Nesta’s comfort zone. She knew each track on the calendar like the back of her hand. Every turn was permanently etched in her mind like words on a tombstone. Race weekends followed a set schedule, something that she could appreciate. Friday: practice laps. Saturday: more practice, followed by qualifying, where each driver got the chance to set the fastest lap and secure a spot in the starting line up for the main event on Sunday.

Before she had graduated college, Nesta had managed to fully entrench herself in the world of Formula 1. Securing an internship at ESPN her sophomore year, she had made herself indispensable to the crusty old man that had been the senior track side reporter for decades. She studied everything he did and the questions he asked each driver, noting what changes she would have made. Somehow, he came to admire her spirit and taught her the tricks of the trade.

When he retired the year after Nesta graduated, he went to the board of directors and personally recommended her to fill his spot. She waited two agonizing days for their decision.

Using whatever means necessary, Nesta had clawed her way to the top and cemented her reputation as the most cutthroat reporter in the industry. Her goal had been for everyone in motorsport to know her name, and in only two years, she had done so. Better yet, she had caught the eye of one of the fastest drivers on the grid.

Her phone rang just as she pulled into the press parking area. She answered, not bothering to check the caller ID. “Hello?”

Tomas’ velvety voice thundered through the speakers of her Civic. “Hey baby. You here yet?”

“Just pulled in,” She replied, touching up her makeup in the rearview.

“Right on time for a quickie. Meet me at my trailer in five.”

Tomas had already hung up before she had the chance to protest. Both their reputations hinged on their relationship staying secret. If the press caught wind that she was fucking a driver, her credibility would go out the window, and Tomas would be the laughing stock of the grid. So sneaking into his trailer wasn’t exactly the type of discreet she was aiming for.

Tomas Mandray had been racing for Red Bull for two years when she had scored her first exclusive interview with him. He had just been awarded pole position at the Spanish Grand Prix in Barcelona, and Nesta had sweet talked her way into the paddock. It had taken minutes for his charming blue eyes to enchant her. He had won that race, and taken her to bed straight after.

The sex was great, but that’s all it ever was. Their relationship was purely based on the physical; nothing emotional on either end. They had agreed on that from the start. Just sex.

Unfortunately for Nesta, somewhere along the way it had become something more.

Sighing, she put on her oversized sunglasses and hid her tawny hair under a gauzy scarf. The fashion wouldn’t stand out at all amongst the celebrities that frequented the Monaco Grand Prix. Going over the top here was expected; Monaco was known for its money. Due to the lack of income tax, Monaco was a haven for white collar delinquents and royalty alike. Lamborghini’s and Ferrari’s were commonplace, and women wore rings that could set a jewel thief up for life.

No one bothered her as she strode towards the pit checkpoint, flashing her press badge to get by. She fell into her usual cadence, exuding an air of importance and invincibility. Seemingly without realizing, people moved out of her way when they saw her coming. The navy, red, and yellow of the Redbull tent came into view, and Nesta inserted herself into the crowd of mechanics and VIPs to get past security. Press wasn’t allowed in the area until after the race.

Nesta broke away once inside, heading down a back corridor. She knew the layout by heart, having walked the path many times. The door at the end of the hall led outside to Tomas�� private trailer. She didn’t bother to knock before entering. Tomas would already be waiting for her.

He set down his phone as she entered. “Finally,” He said with a savage grin. “We only have a few minutes.”

****************

Tomas left as soon as he finished, donning his jumpsuit without so much as a kiss goodbye. Utterly used to the behavior, Nesta straightened her clothes and again touched up her makeup before heading back out.

She was scheduled to conduct a pre-race interview with Cassian Valle in the Mercedes tent in twenty minutes. Redbull and Mercedes were at opposite ends of the pit, giving her plenty of time to think.

Truthfully, Nesta was dreading the interaction. Cassian was an arrogant ass. She couldn’t stand interviewing him; all he did was skirt around questions and try to flirt, which made it incredibly difficult to get any headline-worthy tidbits from him.

Azriel Sainz, Cassian’s teammate at Mercedes, was much more amiable. He was mostly forgettable and quiet, but always gave her something to work with and was sometimes downright pleasant to talk to. She could understand why the public loved him, but not why they were so enamored with Cassian. Sure, he was a three time world champion, and that earned him plenty of fans, but he was just so… dreadful.

She made it to the Mercedes pit just minutes before the scheduled time, immediately spotting her tense cameraman, Jacob. Slim built, he was average looking, nothing special. He was sweet though, if not a bit of a pushover.

“Where the hell have you been?” He hissed, chocolate brown eyes wide. “Valle is waiting.”

Nesta rolled her eyes, handing Jacob her sunglasses and the scarf. “I’m here now, aren’t I? Not my fault if he was early.” Nesta accepted her microphone and rolled her shoulders. “Let’s get this over with then.”

“Happy birthday by the way,” Jacob added. Yes, there was the pushover side shining through.

Nesta threw a grin at him over her shoulder. “Thanks.”

Cassian’s back was to her as she approached, his white Mercedes jumpsuit half on, the arms of it cinched around his waist. The crisp gray shirt he wore left little to the imagination, hugging his sculpted form. Good; at least that would capture the attention of any women that might be watching. As would the deep brown curl that fell in his face when he turned to her.

“If it isn’t my very favorite reporter,” He crooned, a grin plastered on his face. “Took you long enough to get here. I also hear it’s your birthday.” Nesta glared at Jacob. He shrank under her steely look, an apology stumbling from his lips.

“I would give you a birthday kiss, but I think you’d knock me out if I offered.”

Nesta pointedly ignored him, “Let’s just get on with it,” She said, motioning to Jacob to start recording. Once he signaled he was ready, Nesta breathed deep, the sweet scent of high octane fuel assaulting her senses. It steadied her, and she slipped into her professional mask before turning to the camera.

“As we all know, the Monaco Grand Prix offers drivers a unique set of challenges. The two-mile street course has 19 technical corners with little room for error. It is in Monaco that we get to see who has what it takes to be a Formula 1 champion.” She turned to Cassian, gave him a professional smile and continued.

“Last year, you had a puncture at turn seven when you ran over some debris. Coupled with the fumble the pit crew had with not having your tires ready when you came into the pit, you finished a disappointing 12th place, winning you no points in the driver’s championship. Do you expect that this year will be better, or will you stick to your usual aggressive driving style?”

Cassian laughed, running a hand through his unbound curls. “Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be changing anything. You can expect to see me on the podium, sweetheart. Most likely in first.”

Nesta grit her teeth. She couldn’t air that, and he knew it. “How about you answer the question without trying to piss me off?”

“It’s too easy,” Cassian said, that devilish grin returning. Nesta cut him a glare that simmered with violence. “Alright fine,” He relented, putting his hands up. “Go again.”

She repeated her question, and this time he answered, “I don’t really see any need to change my driving style, what happened last year was a fluke. I went wide on the turn and didn’t notice Vanserra's front wing until the last second and wasn’t able to change course.” Nesta nodded, encouraging him to go on. “I don't see myself making any mistakes like that this year. You can expect to see me on the podium, most likely in first.”

“Thank you for that Cassian. Good luck on the track today.”

“Thank you,” He said, waving at the camera. He paused before adding, “Though I won’t need luck.”

Nesta rolled her eyes and signaled for Jacob to cut the recording. At least that last bit could be edited out. “You are absolutely insufferable, you know that?”

Cassian shrugged, undoing the arms of his fire suit and slipping into them. “I do my best.” He winked at her before zipping up his suit, opening his mouth to say something else when the Mercedes team principal, Rhysand, barked at him to get his ass in gear. He gave Nesta a wordless salute before jogging off.

“I don’t know how you do it,” Jacob said, packing up his camera. “That guy has balls.”

“He’s a Formula 1 driver,” Nesta said simply, putting her sunglasses back on. “Of course he does.”

**********

Nesta watched the 78 lap race from the press box, silently cheering Tomas on. Each time the pack of cars passed, the windows rattled, doing little to muffle the engine noise. She chatted with the others as necessary, keeping one eye on the tarmac below. Tomas had started from pole position, and held onto first place until the final 10 laps. He had attempted to lap an AlphaTauri driver when the driver had failed to yield, violating FIA regulations. The two had bumped tires in what was ruled a racing incident, but Nesta knew better. Tomas had lost his cool and nudged the other driver on purpose, nearly sending him into the wall.

It was a bad call on Tomas’ part, as the comfortable four second lead he had held over second place shattered. Nesta swore under her breath as Cassian overtook Tomas, her heart dropping when the other Mercedes driver, Azriel, did the same. Tomas would not be happy about that.

When the checkered flag waved, Cassian was first, Azriel second, and Tomas third. The winners parked before the podium, anger radiating from Tomas as he tore his helmet off. Tamlin, the Redbull team principal, said something to Tomas that had his cheeks burning red.

Nesta grabbed Jacob and headed for the press room. They had a half hour tops before the post-race interviews started, and Nesta had to make sure she was front row. Though it didn’t matter where she sat; she always made sure her questions were answered.

It was more so for Tomas. She wanted him to see her, to see the understanding on her face and know she supported him even when he didn't win.

They were first to the press room, and Nesta had ample time to prepare questions. She couldn’t question Tomas, or she risked uncapping his rage. Instead, she jotted down a question she knew would shift the focus from Tomas to the Mercedes drivers.

Reporters began filing in, vying for the perfect spot and debating the race results with one another. Nesta remained in her seat, determined to maintain her composure as her stomach churned. Tomas finally entered, jaw set as he took his place on the stage. Nesta tried to subtly catch his eye, but he pointedly avoided looking at her.

Cassian and Azriel entered, laughing and congratulating each other. Nesta noted the slight change in Tomas’ posture, the only hint of the blood boiling beneath his skin. Cameras flashed, reporters shouted, but still Nesta remained seated. Cassian, at least, sought her out in the crowd, and flashed her an ‘I-told-you-so’ grin when he found her. Once the clamor had died down, Nesta stood. The room quieted further, the others having learned not to talk over her if they valued their jobs. Nesta had a knack for digging up dirt on anyone she pleased.

Her eyes were still locked on Cassian as the moderator indicated she could ask her question.

“Azriel,” She started, turning to the dark haired man, “You were lucky you were able to take second in this race, after the incident in turn twelve on lap 27 when you sustained heavy damage to your front wing, thanks to the actions of your teammate. Does it ever get under your skin that Valle’s overly-aggressive driving threatens your own position in the championship?”

The room was silent. Tomas hid his grin behind a well-manicured hand. Cassian’s eyes narrowed, a muscle in his jaw fluttering. Good; she had hit a nerve. Azriel shrugged, crossing his arms.

“It was a racing incident. Could have happened to anyone. I don’t think the blame lays entirely with Cassian; I could have given him more room on the corner.”

And that was that. Nesta didn’t ask any more questions, but she could feel Cassian glaring at her throughout. At the end of the interview, all three drivers thanked everyone before leaving.

As Nesta made her way back to her car, she texted Tomas.

You okay?

Her heart pounded as she waited for the reply. Her phone buzzed minutes later.

I’ll be home late. Party at the Redbull house.

Oh. Okay. See you later then.

“Happy birthday to me,” She muttered, stuffing the phone in her pocket.

Nesta wasn’t sure why his reply stung, but it cut deep. She had hoped that he would want to see her instead of going to another party and spend time with her on her birthday. Instead, he would probably stick his tongue down another woman’s throat like usual. She couldn’t really blame him. Their relationship had to remain secret and to do so, Tomas had to maintain his playboy aura. It wasn’t really cheating if she had agreed to it.

But if that were true, why did it hurt so fucking bad when he did?

Some of her tension eased when she finally spied her car in the lot. The Blue Bullet, she had nicknamed it, due to the strikingly bright paint. It was the first purchase she had made upon being promoted, and it had since become her pride and joy. She had chosen it because it set lap records left and right when it had hit the market a few years back, and she had craved speed her whole life. On city streets, this car was the closest she could get to experiencing Formula 1 without completely breaking the bank.

“How about you don’t ask stupid fucking questions next time your prettyboy loses?”

Nesta’s breath hitched. Your prettyboy. The accusation was clear. Her hand slipped from the door handle, turning towards the voice. If he knew… If he knew about her and Tomas, they were done for. She willed her voice into solid steel.

“Cassian. I would advise you to choose your next words wisely.”

He placed a hand on her Civic, getting in her face. “Racing means you have racing incidents. I don’t expect you to understand, seeing as you’ve never been behind the wheel of a real race car.” He sneered at her car, the insult striking home.

Fear faded, replaced by a rising wave of scarlett rage. Nesta’s gaze stuck to where his hand lay on the bright blue paint, utterly vexed by the infringement. She bared her teeth at him, rising to the challenge in Cassian’s flaming hazel eyes.

“Get. Off.”

Cassian started at the command in her tone and obeyed. He opened his mouth, but she cut him off. “Understanding the nuances of Formula 1 is my job description. I asked about that incident because I knew it would piss you off. Looks like I was right huh?” Her temper was getting the better of her. “And by the way, would it kill you to give me a decent quote once in a while, instead of always trying to get in my pants?”

“I do not-”

“Oh go fuck yourself,” Nesta scoffed, yanking the door open.

The corners of his mouth twitched upward as she slammed the car door. “I was already planning on it.”

Those parting words haunted her drive home, even as she took the long way in hopes of blowing off steam. She shifted through the gears, throwing the Civic around corners much faster than was probably safe. Nesta didn’t care; her head was a mess. At least he hadn’t mentioned anything more about Tomas. Maybe Cassian had just thought she had a crush, based on the way she had been looking at him during the conference. Gods, she couldn’t get Cassian out of her head.

His grin followed her up the stairs to her apartment, where she snapped the curtains shut. She couldn’t bear to look out over the track any longer today.

Those words echoed in her head as she brushed her teeth and crawled into bed alone. Swam through her thoughts of Tomas, as she struggled to keep her eyes open when the clock showed 1 am. As she finally gave in, they were her last thought.

I was already planning on it.

@aphoeni @planet-faerie @nina-zcnik @linsimin @that-little-red-head @teagoddess99 @enpointe10 @electronicstrawberrystrawberry @awesomelena555 @iptneus @weesablackbeak @wonderland--memories @nessian-trash-heap @magicalwaterfall @perfectlyimpxrfect @cassians-wings @valkyrie-archeron @acourtofcouture @nesemryn @chloepereyra @illyrianshadowhunter

#Lights over monaco #nessian #nessian au #nessian fanfiction #acotar #acomaf #acowar #a court of thorns and roses #a court of mist and fury #a court of war and ruin #a court of frost and starlight #acotar fanfiction #my writing #nesta archeron #cassian #lucien vanserra

155 notes · View notes

burkymakar · 4 years ago

Text

Devan Dubnyk's Q+A post-trade to the Avs

Athletic Article link

Shortly after Devan Dubnyk arrived at the Sharks’ rink Saturday, San Jose general manager Doug Wilson called him in for a talk. Trade talks involving the goaltender were heating up, and one team was starting to emerge as his likely destination: the Colorado Avalanche.

“We had a really good conversation,” Dubnyk told The Athletic on Saturday in his first public comments after the trade. “It’s no secret that Colorado is a really special place to go. It wasn’t like they were trading me to somewhere that sucks. They were trading me to one of, if not, the best teams in the league.”

By the end of the morning, the deal was final. The Avalanche, led by general manager Joe Sakic, were acquiring Dubnyk for defenseman Greg Pateryn and a 2021 fifth-round draft pick. The 34-year-old netminder will fill the No. 2 goalie spot in Colorado and back up starter Philipp Grubauer, who has been excellent this season (24-8-1 record, .919 save percentage, 2.00 goals-against average), but Grubauer has had a taxing schedule, playing in 33 of the team’s 40 games.

“I’d known for a couple weeks that Colorado was a potential (destination),” Dubnyk said. “It’s one of those things, you can prepare yourself, act like it’s real and be ready for it, but it’s always still crazy when it happens.”

Dubnyk has an .898 save percentage and a 3-9-2 record in 17 games this season. He’s set to benefit from the Avalanche’s shot-suppressing defense: Colorado allows the fewest shots per game in the NHL, and San Jose allows the fifth most.

Before being traded to the Sharks last offseason, Dubnyk played for the Wild (2015-20), Coyotes (2014-15), Predators (2014) and Oilers (2009-14). He has a 250-204 career record with a .914 save percentage. His wife and three boys are still in Minnesota, where he helped the Wild to four consecutive playoff berths (2015-2018), and he’s working on arrangements for them to join him in Denver.

With the Avalanche set to wrap up a two-game set with the Ducks on Sunday, Dubnyk was able to drive from San Jose to Anaheim. He spoke to The Athletic on the road, reflecting on his emotions, his new team and his time in San Jose.

This interview has been edited for clarity and length.

When the trade rumors started swirling, was Colorado a destination you were interested in?

A lot of shit has gone on this year. It’s been a tough year, and I didn’t necessarily want to just get moved to get moved, especially because I really enjoyed my time in San Jose and thought things were good there. But when there’s an opportunity like this where you’ve got one of the best teams in the league and guys you’re familiar with, have played a ton of games against, it’s a no-brainer. You have to pinch yourself a little bit.

It’s incredible to have this opportunity. I know how good this team is; I’ve been on the other side of it.

Did you have a chance to talk to Sakic at all?

I talked to Joe briefly. He said he’s excited to have me there. I’ve played a lot of games against these guys. It’s crazy to wrap my head around, to be a part of that group.

Do you know many guys on the Avalanche?

Not too many. I know Gabriel Landeskog a little bit. I know Nate MacKinnon from a couple of the Vail (training) camps. Mikko Rantanen from the All-Star Game. Erik Johnson from the Vail camps. I know Tyson Jost. It’s one of those things where you play a lot of games against all the guys; it’s like you’ve known them for a while, anyways.

Earlier today Landeskog talked about your on-ice scuffle in 2016.

Oh yeah. I get a little feisty in there. We were joking about that at the All-Star Game. I’ve got a little old-school crazy in me. My dad was a goalie, and if someone stands in front of you, you just slash the shit out of them. That’s just how it went. There’s never going to be any animosity unless someone’s doing something that shouldn’t be done. Gabe plays a hard game, and we haven’t battled for a couple years, so we should be good. (Laughs.)

From talking to Sakic, what do you think your role will be when you join the team?

In a shortened season going into the playoffs, Grubi has probably played more than he needed to, so I just want to come in and get that 1B goalie spot, win some games down the stretch and just have that 1-2 tandem. I’m not going to take anything away from Grubauer: He’s had a Vezina season. When he needs a break, I’m going to provide that break for him, and I’m going to provide the group with a bunch of energy and hopefully some wins when I get in there. I’ve played a lot of games in this league, and I’m fully ready to continue the run if something were to happen to Grubi. For the most part, I’m here to support him and be a part of the group.

What do you think your experience can bring to a team that’s trying to get over the hump?

I don’t think there’s any hump to get over, really. I just think this team is so good. Over the last couple years, they’ve really grabbed that identity of what makes them great, because I think they’ve been great for a few years. This year has been awesome, but it’s not just this year. I just want to come in and, if Grubi needs a break, I’m going to come in and give them a ton of energy. It doesn’t really matter if shit goes off the rails or it gets crazy, I’ve seen it all, so I’ll be there for these guys if something happens in the run. I’m ready to rock and I’m fully capable of taking the reins if need be.

How do you handle getting a newly designed mask quickly? Will you have to wear your San Jose helmet?

I’ll be able to get one quickly. We’ve got one going out for a quick turnaround and one for not as quick. I should have one within a week, 10 days. I’ll wear the Sharks one for a few games.

What was your time like in San Jose?

It was short, but it was really awesome. Getting a chance to work with goalie coach Evgeni Nabokov was just incredible. I knew him before, and we had just great days every day. He’s very specific on different things he asks of you. Me and him got along really well, and he added a lot that I will take forward. It was such a short time, and the coaching staff, the trainers, the guys on the team especially, I just got along with everyone so well. It was such an enjoyable time for being such a shitty time (due to COVID-19): We were stuck in Arizona and then we couldn’t come back, so we had a lot of time to be together and I just really appreciate the group and what we went through. It’s something I’ll never forget.

What specific things does Colorado do that makes life hard on an opposing goalie?

The top line, the power play is just insane, but there’s a lot of depth there. You can do your best to shut down the top line, but there are so many other people who can score goals. You have Cale Makar on the back end and Samuel Girard. (Bowen) Byram, another kid that’s ridiculously skilled. There’s no way to shut them down, which is crazy. I’m just excited to be on the right end of it. I’ve been on the other side of it way too often.

I’m just very excited. It’s hard to wrap your head around. It’s been all these years, and all (of) a sudden, I’m part of the Avalanche. You think about it and you get excited about it, but when you start seeing people text you — “Did you win the lottery?” “Fucking right, let’s get a Cup.” — everyone is realizing this is legit. They realize how good the team is.

#colorado avalanche #devan dubnyk #gabriel landeskog #the athletic #peter baugh

13 notes · View notes

path-of-my-childhood · 5 years ago

Text

The Rolling Stone Interview: Taylor Swift

By: Brian Hiatt for The Rolling Stone Magazine Date: September 18th 2019

In her most in-depth and introspective interview in years, Swift tells all about the rocky road to 'Lover' and much, much more.

Taylor Swift bursts into her mom’s Nashville kitchen, smiling, looking remarkably like Taylor Swift. (That red-lip, classic thing? Check.) “I need someone to help dye my hair pink,” she says, and moments later, her ends match her sparkly nail polish, sneakers, and the stripes on her button-down. It’s all in keeping with the pastel aesthetic of her new album, Lover; black-leather combat-Taylor from her previous album cycle has handed back the phone. Around the black-granite kitchen island, all is calm and normal, as Swift’s mom, dad, and younger brother pass through. Her mom’s two dogs, one very small, one very large, pounce upon visitors with slurping glee. It could be any 29-year-old’s weekend visit with her parents, if not for the madness looming a few feet down the hall.

In an airy terrace, 113 giddy, weepy, shaky, still-in-disbelief fans are waiting for the start of one of Swift’s secret sessions, sacred rituals in Swift-dom. She’s about to play them her seventh album, as-yet unreleased on this Sunday afternoon in early August, and offer copious commentary. Also, she made cookies. Just before the session, Swift sits down in her mom’s study (where she “operates the Google,” per her daughter) to chat for a few minutes. The black-walled room is decorated with black-and-white classic-rock photos, including shots of Bruce Springsteen and, unsurprisingly, James Taylor; there are also more recent shots of Swift posing with Kris Kristofferson and playing with Def Leppard, her mom’s favorite band.

In a corner is an acoustic guitar Swift played as a teenager. She almost certainly wrote some well-known songs on it, but can’t recall which ones. “It would be kind of weird to finish a song and be like, ‘And this moment, I shall remember,’'” she says, laughing. “‘This guitar hath been anointed with my sacred tuneage!'”

The secret session itself is, as the name suggests, deeply off-the-record; it can be confirmed that she drank some white wine, since her glass pops up in some Instagram pictures. She stays until 5 a.m., chatting and taking photos with every one of the fans. Five hours later, we continue our talk at length in Swift’s Nashville condo, in almost exactly the same spot where we did one of our interviews for her 2012 Rolling Stone cover story. She’s hardly changed its whimsical decor in the past seven years (one of the few additions is a pool table replacing the couch where we sat last time), so it’s an old-Taylor time capsule. There’s still a huge bunny made of moss in one corner, and a human-size birdcage in the living room, though the view from the latter is now of generic new condo buildings instead of just distant green hills. Swift is barefoot now, in pale-blue jeans and a blue button-down tied at the waist; her hair is pulled back, her makeup minimal.

How to sum up the past three years of Taylor Swift? In July 2016, after Swift expressed discontent with Kanye West’s “Famous,” Kim Kardashian did her best to destroy her, unleashing clandestine recordings of a phone conversation between Swift and West. In the piecemeal audio, Swift can be heard agreeing to the line “…me and Taylor might still have sex.” We don’t hear her learning about the next lyric, the one she says bothered her — “I made that bitch famous” — and as she’ll explain, there’s more to her side of the story. The backlash was, well, swift, and overwhelming. It still hasn’t altogether subsided. Later that year, Swift chose not to make an endorsement in the 2016 election, which definitely didn’t help. In the face of it all, she made Reputation — fierce, witty, almost-industrial pop offset by love songs of crystalline beauty — and had a wildly successful stadium tour. Somewhere in there, she met her current boyfriend, Joe Alwyn, and judging by certain songs on Lover, the relationship is serious indeed.

Lover is Swift’s most adult album, a rebalancing of sound and persona that opens doors to the next decade of her career; it’s also a welcome return to the sonic diversity of 2012’s Red, with tracks ranging from the St. Vincent-assisted über-bop “Cruel Summer” to the unbearably poignant country-fied “Soon You’ll Get Better” (with the Dixie Chicks) and the “Shake It Off”-worthy pep of “Paper Rings.”

She wants to talk about the music, of course, but she is also ready to explain the past three years of her life, in depth, for the first time. The conversation is often not a light one. She’s built up more armor in the past few years, but still has the opposite of a poker face — you can see every micro-emotion wash over her as she ponders a question, her nose wrinkling in semi-ironic offense at the term “old-school pop stars,” her preposterously blue eyes glistening as she turns to darker subjects. In her worst moments, she says, “You feel like you’re being completely pulled into a riptide. So what are you going to do? Splash a lot? Or hold your breath and hope you somehow resurface? And that’s what I did. And it took three years. Sitting here doing an interview — the fact that we’ve done an interview before is the only reason I’m not in a full body sweat.”

When we talked seven years ago, everything was going so well for you, and you were very worried that something would go wrong. Yeah, I kind of knew it would. I felt like I was walking along the sidewalk, knowing eventually the pavement was going to crumble and I was gonna fall through. You can’t keep winning and have people like it. People love “new” so much — they raise you up the flagpole, and you’re waving at the top of the flagpole for a while. And then they’re like, “Wait, this new flag is what we actually love.” They decide something you’re doing is incorrect, that you’re not standing for what you should stand for. You’re a bad example. Then if you keep making music and you survive, and you keep connecting with people, eventually they raise you a little bit up the flagpole again, and then they take you back down, and back up again. And it happens to women more than it happens to men in music.

It also happened to you a few times on a smaller scale, didn’t it? I’ve had several upheavals in my career. When I was 18, they were like, “She doesn’t really write those songs.” So my third album I wrote by myself as a reaction to that. Then they decided I was a serial dater — a boy-crazy man-eater — when I was 22. And so I didn’t date anyone for, like, two years. And then they decided in 2016 that absolutely everything about me was wrong. If I did something good, it was for the wrong reasons. If I did something brave, I didn’t do it correctly. If I stood up for myself, I was throwing a tantrum. And so I found myself in this endless mockery echo chamber. It’s just like — I have a brother who’s two and a half years younger, and we spent the first half of our lives trying to kill each other and the second half as best friends. You know that game kids play? I’d be like, “Mom, can I have some water?” And Austin would be like, “Mom, can I have some water?” And I’m like, “He’s copying me.” And he’d be like, “He’s copying me.” Always in a really obnoxious voice that sounds all twisted. That’s what it felt like in 2016. So I decided to just say nothing. It wasn’t really a decision. It was completely involuntary.

But you also had good things happen in your life at the same time — that’s part of Reputation. The moments of my true story on that album are songs like “Delicate,” “New Year’s Day,” “Call It What You Want,” “Dress.” The one-two punch, bait-and-switch of Reputation is that it was actually a love story. It was a love story in amongst chaos. All the weaponized sort of metallic battle anthems were what was going on outside. That was the battle raging on that I could see from the windows, and then there was what was happening inside my world — my newly quiet, cozy world that was happening on my own terms for the first time. . . . It’s weird, because in some of the worst times of my career, and reputation, dare I say, I had some of the most beautiful times — in my quiet life that I chose to have. And I had some of the most incredible memories with the friends I now knew cared about me, even if everyone hated me. The bad stuff was really significant and damaging. But the good stuff will endure. The good lessons — you realize that you can’t just show your life to people.

Meaning? I used to be like a golden retriever, just walking up to everybody, like, wagging my tail. “Sure, yeah, of course! What do you want to know? What do you need?” Now, I guess, I have to be a little bit more like a fox.

Do your regrets on that extend to the way the “girl squad” thing was perceived? Yeah, I never would have imagined that people would have thought, “This is a clique that wouldn’t have accepted me if I wanted to be in it.” Holy shit, that hit me like a ton of bricks. I was like, “Oh, this did not go the way that I thought it was going to go.” I thought it was going to be we can still stick together, just like men are allowed to do. The patriarchy allows men to have bro packs. If you’re a male artist, there’s an understanding that you have respect for your counterparts.

Whereas women are expected to be feuding with each other? It’s assumed that we hate each other. Even if we’re smiling and photographed together with our arms around each other, it’s assumed there’s a knife in our pocket.

How much of a danger was there of falling into that thought pattern yourself? The messaging is dangerous, yes. Nobody is immune, because we’re a product of what society and peer groups and now the internet tells us, unless we learn differently from experience.

You once sang about a star who “took the money and your dignity, and got the hell out.” In 2016, you wrote in your journal, “This summer is the apocalypse.” How close did you come to quitting altogether? I definitely thought about that a lot. I thought about how words are my only way of making sense of the world and expressing myself — and now any words I say or write are being twisted against me. People love a hate frenzy. It’s like piranhas. People had so much fun hating me, and they didn’t really need very many reasons to do it. I felt like the situation was pretty hopeless. I wrote a lot of really aggressively bitter poems constantly. I wrote a lot of think pieces that I knew I’d never publish, about what it’s like to feel like you’re in a shame spiral. And I couldn’t figure out how to learn from it. Because I wasn’t sure exactly what I did that was so wrong. That was really hard for me, because I cannot stand it when people can’t take criticism. So I try to self-examine, and even though that’s really hard and hurts a lot sometimes, I really try to understand where people are coming from when they don’t like me. And I completely get why people wouldn’t like me. Because, you know, I’ve had my insecurities say those things — and things 1,000 times worse.

But some of your former critics have become your friends, right? Some of my best friendships came from people publicly criticizing me and then it opening up a conversation. Hayley Kiyoko was doing an interview and she made an example about how I get away with singing about straight relationships and people don’t give me shit the way they give her shit for singing about girls — and it’s totally valid. Like, Ella — Lorde — the first thing she ever said about me publicly was a criticism of my image or whatever. But I can’t really respond to someone saying, “You, as a human being, are fake.” And if they say you’re playing the victim, that completely undermines your ability to ever verbalize how you feel unless it’s positive. So, OK, should I just smile all the time and never say anything hurts me? Because that’s really fake. Or should I be real about how I’m feeling and have valid, legitimate responses to things that happened to me in my life? But wait, would that be playing the victim?

How do you escape that mental trap? Since I was 15 years old, if people criticized me for something, I changed it. So you realize you might be this amalgamation of criticisms that were hurled at you, and not an actual person who’s made any of these choices themselves. And so I decided I needed to live a quiet life, because a quiet personal life invites no discussion, dissection, and debate. I didn’t realize I was inviting people to feel they had the right to sort of play my life like a video game.

“The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Because she’s dead!” was funny — but how seriously should we take it? There’s a part of me that definitely is always going to be different. I needed to grow up in many ways. I needed to make boundaries, to figure out what was mine and what was the public’s. That old version of me that shares unfailingly and unblinkingly with a world that is probably not fit to be shared with? I think that’s gone. But it was definitely just, like, a fun moment in the studio with me and Jack [Antonoff] where I wanted to play on the idea of a phone call — because that’s how all of this started, a stupid phone call I shouldn’t have picked up.

It would have been much easier if that’s what you’d just said. It would have been so, so great if I would have just said that [laughs].

Some of the Lover iconography does suggest old Taylor’s return, though. I don’t think I’ve ever leaned into the old version of myself more creatively than I have on this album, where it’s very, very autobiographical. But also moments of extreme catchiness and moments of extreme personal confession.

Did you do anything wrong from your perspective in dealing with that phone call? Is there anything you regret? The world didn’t understand the context and the events that led up to it. Because nothing ever just happens like that without some lead-up. Some events took place to cause me to be pissed off when he called me a bitch. That was not just a singular event. Basically, I got really sick of the dynamic between he and I. And that wasn’t just based on what happened on that phone call and with that song — it was kind of a chain reaction of things.

I started to feel like we reconnected, which felt great for me — because all I ever wanted my whole career after that thing happened in 2009 was for him to respect me. When someone doesn’t respect you so loudly and says you literally don’t deserve to be here — I just so badly wanted that respect from him, and I hate that about myself, that I was like, “This guy who’s antagonizing me, I just want his approval.” But that’s where I was. And so we’d go to dinner and stuff. And I was so happy, because he would say really nice things about my music. It just felt like I was healing some childhood rejection or something from when I was 19. But the 2015 VMAs come around. He’s getting the Vanguard Award. He called me up beforehand — I didn’t illegally record it, so I can’t play it for you. But he called me up, maybe a week or so before the event, and we had maybe over an hourlong conversation, and he’s like, “I really, really would like for you to present this Vanguard Award to me, this would mean so much to me,” and went into all the reasons why it means so much, because he can be so sweet. He can be the sweetest. And I was so stoked that he asked me that. And so I wrote this speech up, and then we get to the VMAs and I make this speech and he screams, “MTV got Taylor Swift up here to present me this award for ratings!” [His exact words: “You know how many times they announced Taylor was going to give me the award ’cause it got them more ratings?”] And I’m standing in the audience with my arm around his wife, and this chill ran through my body. I realized he is so two-faced. That he wants to be nice to me behind the scenes, but then he wants to look cool, get up in front of everyone and talk shit. And I was so upset. He wanted me to come talk to him after the event in his dressing room. I wouldn’t go. So then he sent this big, big thing of flowers the next day to apologize. And I was like, “You know what? I really don’t want us to be on bad terms again. So whatever, I’m just going to move past this.” So when he gets on the phone with me, and I was so touched that he would be respectful and, like, tell me about this one line in the song.

The line being “. . . me and Taylor might still have sex”? [Nods] And I was like, “OK, good. We’re back on good terms.” And then when I heard the song, I was like, “I’m done with this. If you want to be on bad terms, let’s be on bad terms, but just be real about it.” And then he literally did the same thing to Drake. He gravely affected the trajectory of Drake’s family and their lives. It’s the same thing. Getting close to you, earning your trust, detonating you. I really don’t want to talk about it anymore because I get worked up, and I don’t want to just talk about negative shit all day, but it’s the same thing. Go watch Drake talk about what happened. [West denied any involvement in Pusha-T’s revelation of Drake’s child and apologized for sending “negative energy” toward Drake.]

When did you get to the place that’s described on the opening track of Lover, “I Forgot That You Existed”? It was sometime on the Reputation tour, which was the most transformative emotional experience of my career. That tour put me in the healthiest, most balanced place I’ve ever been. After that tour, bad stuff can happen to me, but it doesn’t level me anymore. The stuff that happened a couple of months ago with Scott [Borchetta] would have leveled me three years ago and silenced me. I would have been too afraid to speak up. Something about that tour made me disengage from some part of public perception I used to hang my entire identity on, which I now know is incredibly unhealthy.

What was the actual revelation? It’s almost like I feel more clear about the fact that my job is to be an entertainer. It’s not like this massive thing that sometimes my brain makes it into, and sometimes the media makes it into, where we’re all on this battlefield and everyone’s gonna die except one person, who wins. It’s like, “No, do you know what? Katy is going to be legendary. Gaga is going to be legendary. Beyoncé is going to be legendary. Rihanna is going to be legendary. Because the work that they made completely overshadows the myopia of this 24-hour news cycle of clickbait.” And somehow I realized that on tour, as I was looking at people’s faces. We’re just entertaining people, and it’s supposed to be fun.

It’s interesting to look at these albums as a trilogy. 1989 was really a reset button. Oh, in every way. I’ve been very vocal about the fact that that decision was mine and mine alone, and it was definitely met with a lot of resistance. Internally.

After realizing that things were not all smiles with your former label boss, Scott Borchetta, it’s hard not to wonder how much additional conflict there was over things like that. A lot of the best things I ever did creatively were things that I had to really fight — and I mean aggressively fight — to have happen. But, you know, I’m not like him, making crazy, petty accusations about the past. . . . When you have a business relationship with someone for 15 years, there are going to be a lot of ups and a lot of downs. But I truly, legitimately thought he looked at me as the daughter he never had. And so even though we had a lot of really bad times and creative differences, I was going to hang my hat on the good stuff. I wanted to be friends with him. I thought I knew what betrayal felt like, but this stuff that happened with him was a redefinition of betrayal for me, just because it felt like it was family. To go from feeling like you’re being looked at as a daughter to this grotesque feeling of “Oh, I was actually his prized calf that he was fattening up to sell to the slaughterhouse that would pay the most.”

He accused you of declining the Parkland march and Manchester benefit show. Unbelievable. Here’s the thing: Everyone in my team knew if Scooter Braun brings us something, do not bring it to me. The fact that those two are in business together after the things he said about Scooter Braun — it’s really hard to shock me. And this was utterly shocking. These are two very rich, very powerful men, using $300 million of other people’s money to purchase, like, the most feminine body of work. And then they’re standing in a wood-panel bar doing a tacky photo shoot, raising a glass of scotch to themselves. Because they pulled one over on me and got this done so sneakily that I didn’t even see it coming. And I couldn’t say anything about it.

In some ways, on a musical level, Lover feels like the most indie-ish of your albums. That’s amazing, thank you. It’s definitely a quirky record. With this album, I felt like I sort of gave myself permission to revisit older themes that I used to write about, maybe look at them with fresh eyes. And to revisit older instruments — older in terms of when I used to use them. Because when I was making 1989, I was so obsessed with it being this concept of Eighties big pop, whether it was Eighties in its production or Eighties in its nature, just having these big choruses — being unapologetically big. And then Reputation, there was a reason why I had it all in lowercase. I felt like it wasn’t unapologetically commercial. It’s weird, because that is the album that took the most amount of explanation, and yet it’s the one I didn’t talk about. In the Reputation secret sessions I kind of had to explain to my fans, “I know we’re doing a new thing here that I’d never done before.” I’d never played with characters before. For a lot of pop stars, that’s a really fun trick, where they’re like, “This is my alter ego.” I had never played with that before. It’s really fun. And it was just so fun to play with on tour — the darkness and the bombast and the bitterness and the love and the ups and the downs of an emotional-turmoil record.

“Daylight” is a beautiful song. It feels like it could have been the title track. It almost was. I thought it might be a little bit too sentimental.

And I guess maybe too on-the-nose. Right, yeah, way too on-the-nose. That’s what I thought, because I was kind of in my head referring to the album as Daylight for a while. But Lover, to me, was a more interesting title, more of an accurate theme in my head, and more elastic as a concept. That’s why “You Need to Calm Down” can make sense within the theme of the album — one of the things it addresses is how certain people are not allowed to live their lives without discrimination just based on who they love.

For the more organic songs on this album, like “Lover” and “Paper Rings,” you said you were imagining a wedding band playing them. How often does that kind of visualization shape a song’s production style? Sometimes I’ll have a strange sort of fantasy of where the songs would be played. And so for songs like “Paper Rings” or “Lover” I was imagining a wedding-reception band, but in the Seventies, so they couldn’t play instruments that wouldn’t have been invented yet. I have all these visuals. For Reputation, it was nighttime cityscape. I didn’t really want any — or very minimal — traditional acoustic instruments. I imagined old warehouse buildings that had been deserted and factory spaces and all this industrial kind of imagery. So I wanted the production to have nothing wooden. There’s no wood floors on that album. Lover is, like, completely just a barn wood floor and some ripped curtains flowing in the breeze, and fields of flowers and, you know, velvet.

How did you come to use high school metaphors to touch on politics with “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince”? There are so many influences that go into that particular song. I wrote it a couple of months after midterm elections, and I wanted to take the idea of politics and pick a metaphorical place for that to exist. And so I was thinking about a traditional American high school, where there’s all these kinds of social events that could make someone feel completely alienated. And I think a lot of people in our political landscape are just feeling like we need to huddle up under the bleachers and figure out a plan to make things better.

I feel like your Fall Out Boy fandom might’ve slipped out in that title. I love Fall Out Boy so much. Their songwriting really influenced me, lyrically, maybe more than anyone else. They take a phrase and they twist it. “Loaded God complex/Cock it and pull it”? When I heard that, I was like, “I’m dreaming.”

You sing about “American stories burning before me.” Do you mean the illusions of what America is? It’s about the illusions of what I thought America was before our political landscape took this turn, and that naivete that we used to have about it. And it’s also the idea of people who live in America, who just want to live their lives, make a living, have a family, love who they love, and watching those people lose their rights, or watching those people feel not at home in their home. I have that line “I see the high-fives between the bad guys” because not only are some really racist, horrific undertones now becoming overtones in our political climate, but the people who are representing those concepts and that way of looking at the world are celebrating loudly, and it’s horrific.

You’re in this weird place of being a blond, blue-eyed pop star in this era — to the point where until you endorsed some Democratic candidates, right-wingers, and worse, assumed you were on their side. I don’t think they do anymore. Yeah, that was jarring, and I didn’t hear about that until after it had happened. Because at this point, I, for a very long time, I didn’t have the internet on my phone, and my team and my family were really worried about me because I was not in a good place. And there was a lot of stuff that they just dealt with without telling me about it. Which is the only time that’s ever happened in my career. I’m always in the pilot seat, trying to fly the plane that is my career in exactly the direction I want to take it. But there was a time when I just had to throw my hands up and say, “Guys, I can’t. I can’t do this. I need you to just take over for me and I’m just going to disappear.”

Are you referring to when a white-supremacist site suggested you were on their team? I didn’t even see that, but, like, if that happened, that’s just disgusting. There’s literally nothing worse than white supremacy. It’s repulsive. There should be no place for it. Really, I keep trying to learn as much as I can about politics, and it’s become something I’m now obsessed with, whereas before, I was living in this sort of political ambivalence, because the person I voted for had always won. We were in such an amazing time when Obama was president because foreign nations respected us. We were so excited to have this dignified person in the White House. My first election was voting for him when he made it into office, and then voting to re-elect him. I think a lot of people are like me, where they just didn’t really know that this could happen. But I’m just focused on the 2020 election. I’m really focused on it. I’m really focused on how I can help and not hinder. Because I also don’t want it to backfire again, because I do feel that the celebrity involvement with Hillary’s campaign was used against her in a lot of ways.

You took a lot of heat for not getting involved. Does any part of you regret that you just didn’t say “fuck it” and gotten more specific when you said to vote that November? Totally. Yeah, I regret a lot of things all the time. It’s like a daily ritual.

Were you just convinced that it would backfire? That’s literally what it was. Yeah. It’s a very powerful thing when you legitimately feel like numbers have proven that pretty much everyone hates you. Like, quantifiably. That’s not me being dramatic. And you know that.

There were a lot of people in those stadiums. It’s true. But that was two years later. . . . I do think, as a party, we need to be more of a team. With Republicans, if you’re wearing that red hat, you’re one of them. And if we’re going to do anything to change what’s happening, we need to stick together. We need to stop dissecting why someone’s on our side or if they’re on our side in the right way or if they phrased it correctly. We need to not have the right kind of Democrat and the wrong kind of Democrat. We need to just be like, “You’re a Democrat? Sick. Get in the car. We’re going to the mall.”

Here’s a hard question for you: As a superfan, what did you think of the Game of Thrones finale? Oh, my God. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. So, clinically our brain responds to our favorite show ending the same way we feel when a breakup occurs. I read that. There’s no good way for it to end. No matter what would have happened in that finale, people still would have been really upset because of the fact that it’s over.

I was glad to see you confirm that your line about a “list of names” was a reference to Arya. I like to be influenced by movies and shows and books and stuff. I love to write about a character dynamic. And not all of my life is going to be as kind of complex as these intricate webs of characters on TV shows and movies.

There was a time when it was. That’s amazing.

But is the idea that as your own life becomes less dramatic, you’ll need to pull ideas from other places? I don’t feel like that yet. I think I might feel like that possibly when I have a family. If I have a family. [Pauses] I don’t know why I said that! But that’s what I’ve heard from other artists, that they were very protective of their personal life, so they had to draw inspiration from other things. But again, I don’t know why I said that. Because I don’t know how my life is going to go or what I’m going to do. But right now, I feel like it’s easier for me to write than it ever was.

You don’t talk about your relationship, but you’ll sing about it in wildly revealing detail. What’s the difference for you? Singing about something helps you to express it in a way that feels more accurate. You cannot, no matter what, put words in a quote and have it move someone the same way as if you heard those words with the perfect sonic representation of that feeling... There is that weird conflict in being a confessional songwriter and then also having my life, you know, 10 years ago, be catapulted into this strange pop-culture thing.

I’ve heard you say that people got too interested in which song was about who, which I can understand — at the same time, to be fair, it was a game you played into, wasn’t it? I realized very early on that no matter what, that was going to happen to me regardless. So when you realize the rules of the game you’re playing and how it will affect you, you got to look at the board and make your strategy. But at the same time, writing songs has never been a strategic element of my career. But I’m not scared anymore to say that other things in my career, like how to market an album, are strictly strategic. And I’m sick of women not being able to say that they have strategic business minds — because male artists are allowed to. And so I’m sick and tired of having to pretend like I don’t mastermind my own business. But, it’s a different part of my brain than I use to write.

You’ve been masterminding your business since you were a teenager. Yeah, but I’ve also tried very hard — and this is one thing I regret — to convince people that I wasn’t the one holding the puppet strings of my marketing existence, or the fact that I sit in a conference room several times a week and come up with these ideas. I felt for a very long time that people don’t want to think of a woman in music who isn’t just a happy, talented accident. We’re all forced to kind of be like, “Aw, shucks, this happened again! We’re still doing well! Aw, that’s so great.” Alex Morgan celebrating scoring a goal at the World Cup and getting shit for it is a perfect example of why we’re not allowed to flaunt or celebrate, or reveal that, like, “Oh, yeah, it was me. I came up with this stuff.” I think it’s really unfair. People love new female artists so much because they’re able to explain that woman’s success. There’s an easy trajectory. Look at the Game of Thrones finale. I specifically really related to Daenerys’ storyline because for me it portrayed that it is a lot easier for a woman to attain power than to maintain it.

I mean, she did murder... It’s a total metaphor! Like, obviously I didn’t want Daenerys to become that kind of character, but in taking away what I chose to take away from it, I thought maybe they’re trying to portray her climbing the ladder to the top was a lot easier than maintaining it, because for me, the times when I felt like I was going insane was when I was trying to maintain my career in the same way that I ascended. It’s easier to get power than to keep it. It’s easier to get acclaim than to keep it. It’s easier to get attention than to keep it.

Well, I guess we should be glad you didn’t have a dragon in 2016... [Fiercely] I told you I don’t like that she did that! But, I mean, watching the show, though, maybe this is a reflection on how we treat women in power, how we are totally going to conspire against them and tear at them until they feel this — this insane shift, where you wonder, like, “What changed?” And I’ve had that happen, like, 60 times in my career where I’m like, “OK, you liked me last year, what changed? I guess I’ll change so I can keep entertaining you guys.”

You once said that your mom could never punish you when you were little because you’d punish yourself. This idea of changing in the face of criticism and needing approval — that’s all part of wanting to be good, right? Whatever that means. But that seems to be a real driving force in your life. Yeah, that’s definitely very perceptive of you. And the question posed to me is, if you kept trying to do good things, but everyone saw those things in a cynical way and assumed them to be done with bad motivation and bad intent, would you still do good things, even though nothing that you did was looked at as good? And the answer is, yes. Criticism that’s constructive is helpful to my character growth. Baseless criticism is stuff I’ve got to toss out now.

That sounds healthy. Is this therapy talking or is this just experience? No, I’ve never been to therapy. I talk to my mom a lot, because my mom is the one who’s seen everything. God, it takes so long to download somebody on the last 29 years of my life, and my mom has seen it all. She knows exactly where I’m coming from. And we talk endlessly. There were times when I used to have really, really, really bad days where we would just be on the phone for hours and hours and hours. I’d write something that I wanted to say, and instead of posting it, I’d just read it to her.

I somehow connect all this to the lyric in “Daylight,” the idea of “so many lines that I’ve crossed unforgiven” — it’s a different kind of confession. I am really glad you liked that line, because that’s something that does bother me, looking back at life and realizing that no matter what, you screw things up. Sometimes there are people that were in your life and they’re not anymore — and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t fix it, you can’t change it. I told the fans last night that sometimes on my bad days, I feel like my life is a pile of crap accumulated of only the bad headlines or the bad things that have happened, or the mistakes I’ve made or clichés or rumors or things that people think about me or have thought for the last 15 years. And that was part of the “Look What You Made Me Do” music video, where I had a pile of literal old selves fighting each other.

But, yeah, that line is indicative of my anxiety about how in life you can’t get everything right. A lot of times you make the wrong call, make the wrong decision. Say the wrong thing. Hurt people, even if you didn’t mean to. You don’t really know how to fix all of that. When it’s, like, 29 years’ worth.

To be Mr. “Rolling Stone” for a second, there’s a Springsteen lyric, “Ain’t no one leaving this world, buddy/Without their shirttail dirty or hands a little bloody.” That’s really good! No one gets through it unscathed. No one gets through in one piece. I think that’s a hard thing for a lot of people to grasp. I know it was hard for me, because I kind of grew up thinking, “If I’m nice, and if I try to do the right thing, you know, maybe I can just, like, ace this whole thing.” And it turns out I can’t.

It’s interesting to look at “I Did Something Bad” in this context. You pointing that out is really interesting because it’s something I’ve had to reconcile within myself in the last couple of years — that sort of “good” complex. Because from the time I was a kid I’d try to be kind, be a good person. Try really hard. But you get walked all over sometimes. And how do you respond to being walked all over? You can’t just sit there and eat your salad and let it happen. “I Did Something Bad” was about doing something that was so against what I would usually do. Katy [Perry] and I were talking about our signs. . . . [Laughs] Of course we were.

That’s the greatest sentence ever. [Laughs] I hate you. We were talking about our signs because we had this really, really long talk when we were reconnecting and stuff. And I remember in the long talk, she was like, “If we had one glass of white wine right now, we’d both be crying.” Because we were drinking tea. We’ve had some really good conversations.

We were talking about how we’ve had miscommunications with people in the past, not even specifically with each other. She’s like, “I’m a Scorpio. Scorpios just strike when they feel threatened.” And I was like, “Well, I’m an archer. We literally stand back, assess the situation, process how we feel about it, raise a bow, pull it back, and fire.” So it’s completely different ways of processing pain, confusion, misconception. And oftentimes I’ve had this delay in feeling something that hurts me and then saying that it hurts me. Do you know what I mean? And so I can understand how people in my life would have been like, “Whoa, I didn’t know that was how you felt.” Because it takes me a second.

If you watch the video of the 2009 VMAs, I literally freeze. I literally stand there. And that is how I handle any discomfort, any pain. I stand there, I freeze. And then five minutes later, I know how I feel. But in the moment, I’m probably overreacting and I should be nice. Then I process it, and in five minutes, if it’s gone, it’s past, and I’m like, “I was overreacting, everything’s fine. I can get through this. I’m glad I didn’t say anything harsh in the moment.” But when it’s actually something bad that happened, and I feel really, really hurt or upset about it, I only know after the fact. Because I’ve tried so hard to squash it: “This probably isn’t what you think.” That’s something I had to work on.

You could end up gaslighting yourself. Yeah, for sure. ’Cause so many situations where if I would have said the first thing that came to my mind, people would have been like, “Whoa!” And maybe I would have been wrong or combative. So a couple of years ago I started working on actually just responding to my emotions in a quicker fashion. And it’s really helped with stuff. It’s helped so much because sometimes you get in arguments. But conflict in the moment is so much better than combat after the fact.

Well, thanks. I do feel like I just did a therapy session. As someone who’s never been to therapy, I can safely say that was the best therapy session.

#uhhhh #just by copying and editing text I see it's gonna be good =)#can't wait...#taylor swift #interview #by taylor #lover era #Rolling Stone magazine #Brian Hiatt

1K notes · View notes

feistypaants-archived · 5 years ago

Text

Between The Pipes [Chapter 32]

Rating: M Words: 2650 Pairing: Kristanna Summary: When a new owner takes over the Arendelle Ice Breakers, Kristoff isn’t sure about his future with the team. That is, until a PR nightmare throws the newest member of the media team, who also just so happens to be the daughter of the new owner, right into his arms. Kristoff and Anna can’t even stand the interviews they have to do together… how on earth are they going to fix this mess? Hockey!AU.

[Chapter Index]

Where To Read: [AO3]

Notes: I think you've all waited long enough for this chapter, and I'm so, so grateful to all of u for sticking around through all the nonsense.

We're almost to the end here, lads. Thank u for coming along this journey with me :')

Enjoy!

It had been two days and no other symptoms had arisen, so Kristoff felt pretty safe to start doing some light activities. He set a silent alarm, got up at the crack of dawn, did his best not to wake Anna, and then headed out for a short, slow walk around the neighborhood. The brisk air was doing wonders for him, and he felt a sigh of relief wash over his whole body as he took in a deep breath.

He was so, so grateful for Anna, but she had become just a little bit on the side of unbearable over the last few days. At first it had been cute - a little tease and a little game. If the list said no, she said no. He’d pout and she’d kiss him and he’d let her win the disagreement, then she’d kiss him again and say thank you and he’d let it go. But then he told her he had been feeling a lot better - his headache was easing, there was no more dizziness, and he was able to stay awake for much longer intervals. But she was still insistent.

The thing was, he’s had worse injuries than this, and he always worked through them alone. It wasn’t that he didn’t like having this wonderful woman doting on him, but he felt… guilty. There was no need for it, he was fine, and Anna had her own things to worry about. There wasn’t any reason she should be focusing so much of her attention on him.

He had even tried yesterday, to ask how she was feeling - what she wanted to do, if she wanted to talk about it. But she had shut him down saying there would be time to talk about it later, really, and he should just worry about getting better. Kristoff dropped it because he wasn’t sure if it might lead to an argument, but she seemed relieved so he supposed he had made the right choice.

After about an hour, the sun was fully risen and his neighbors were starting to emerge, so Kristoff figured it was just about time to make his way back home. He hadn’t taken two steps through the doorway before he heard her feet running on the wood floor. “Hey ba-- Anna?”

She had tears in her eyes and her hands were on his face and she was frantic as she scanned her eyes up and down his body.

“Anna, baby, what’s wrong?”

“I… I didn’t know where you were.” She swallowed and locked her eyes onto him, panic evident. “I woke up and you were gone I… I was so worried. Are you okay?”

He felt his hackles raise. This was bordering on ridiculous. “Come on, I just went for a walk.” He grabbed her wrists and pulled her hands to rest between them. “You’ve got to calm down. I’m not going to die.”

Her brows furrowed as she looked at anything but him and he felt a small hint of guilt seep into his irritation. “I…” she pulled her hands from his grip and crossed them across her chest. “I know, I… I just…” More tears welled up in her eyes as she tried her best to subtly wipe at them. “You were so motionless. You didn’t move. I thought… I didn’t know…”

Ah, fuck.

Immediately moving forward, Kristoff pulled her into a tight hug. “I’m sorry.” He knew how it looked, how it felt, to watch someone you cared about get hurt like that. He should have known she had some reason to react the way she had been. He should have been more aware. He sighed with relief when her arms tightened around his waist. “I’m sorry, baby.”

Over breakfast that morning, after they had talked through her worries a little more, Kristoff simply grinned and said “you know, they recommend light exercise. Nothing strenuous, but as long as it isn’t making things worse, doctors think it helps concussion recovery.” Her eyes narrowed and he shrugged. “You should come with me. Then you’ll know I’m good.”

Anna had twisted her lips to the side as if to stop from smiling, and nodded. “I’d like that.” Then, after a moment of hesitation, “you’re okay with me coming along? I know… I know I’ve been a lot… I’d understand if you wanted some time alone.”

Kristoff felt something in his chest, felt an absolute warmth spread through his veins as he realized that, fuck, he never wanted alone time. Not anymore. Not from Anna. Everything was better by miles when she was with him.

“No, Anna. I always want you around.”

Her eyelashes fluttered as her cheeks darkened and a soft smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. “... Okay.”

It hit him then, as she popped a forkful of pancake between her lips, still smiling up at him with a new glimmer in her eye, that he was ready. He was so fucking ready because any more time spent with Anna not knowing how much he loved her was time wasted.

But he needed it to be perfect. He needed the day, just the rest of the day, to figure out what he wanted to say. Then he’d tell her tonight over dinner and…

He just hoped she’d say it back.

—

Kristoff had been feeling a little run-down so he had settled in for a quick nap after their late lunch. He knew the both of them and knew very well that they wouldn’t actually go to bed until after midnight, so he figured a short little power nap at three wouldn’t hinder his ability to sleep tonight too badly. But he couldn't sleep anyway. His mind was going too quick and it was too frazzled to even attempt to settle down.

Maybe the focus and stress weren’t exactly good for him, but he could only imagine how much better he’d feel once she knew. He had been hiding it for months, locking it away somewhere he only knew, and it was about time he let her in on the not-so-little secret.

The problem was, how on earth was he supposed to tell her?

He couldn’t be casual about it, not now. The three little words were so important to both of them, and he knew he couldn’t just drop a nonchalant I love you. It wouldn’t be enough.

No, he had to tell her how much she changed his life. How much he admired her. How much she truly meant to him. And he had to do it in a way that didn’t make him sound so fucking stupid.

Kristoff dragged a pillow over his face and groaned. He had never been the best with words, not even when it really mattered, and he hated how much he knew he was going to fuck this up. How hard was it to formulate a coherent sentence letting someone know how truly special they were? How hard was it to just fucking tell a girl you loved her?

He could say, Anna, I know we’ve been dancing this line for months, but I need you to know that I love you.

No.

He could try, Baby, you’ve changed my life, and I’ve loved every minute of our time together.

Fucking no!

Anna, you’re the most beautiful, brilliant, amazing woman that has ever graced this earth.

Too much.

Anna, you’re the most spectacular person I know.

Better

I can’t imagine my life without you.

Close.

I’m in love with you.

Simple.

Good.

Throwing the pillow to the floor, Kristoff stretched just a little before he got out of the bed. He had a couple more hours to really nail it down, and he knew, deep down, that it didn’t matter what he said… It was the heart behind it that mattered most. With a sigh, he stepped back out into the hallway and padded down to the living room as quietly as possible. He was honestly surprised that he didn’t hear the television on. He was surprised that he didn’t hear much of anything, actually. Anna usually hated silence.

He peered around the corner, not wanting to risk waking her if she had fallen asleep, and was almost hurt by what he saw in front of him. She was sitting on his laptop at the table, red eyed and puffy cheeked, tearstained and sniffling as she scrolled downwards, wiping an irritated fist at her face. “Seriously?” she let out a heavy breath and rolled her neck back, jumping when she saw him.

“Oh, hi!” Her demeanor changed instantly. “You feel all right? How was the nap?”

“Anna.”

She pushed the chair out and turned her back to him as she wiped at her face. “Want some tea? I was just about to make some.”

“Anna.”

She darted into the kitchen, ignoring him completely. “Two sugar? Any milk? I like mine sweet but I know you’re not a sweets guy I just can’t remember if you want milk…”

Kristoff stepped forward and came up behind her in the kitchen, bracing one arm on either side of her petite frame. He was almost grateful she had stopped talking. He hated when she got avoidant and would do anything for her to just talk to him about what was going on. He leaned down just enough to rest his chin on her shoulder and press his cheek against hers. “Baby,” he sighed, wrapping his arms around her as she settled back into his embrace. “What’s going on?”

“I…” He closed his eyes when her fingers started scratching lightly against his forearms. “I’m worried that I won’t find a job, and if I can’t find a job, then I can’t afford my apartment, and if I can’t afford my apartment, then I have to move back home. And If I have to move back there, then my father was just right about me and about everything and then I’ll be far away from here and what if you only like me because I’m just here and if I leave what if everything changes and I lose all of you and --”

A hiccupping sob cut her off.

“Ah, jeez, Anna…” He started walking them towards the couch, smiling at her small laugh as he rocked her whole body back and forth as they walked. “All right, let’s…” They sat together, her immediately drawing her legs up to lay over his lap as she pressed her forehead into his neck. “Let’s talk this out.”

“Okay…”

Kristoff began tracing his fingers up and down her bare leg, every so often squeezing gently at her skin. “So… job.”

Anna sniffled.

“You didn’t really wanna do the whole television personality thing, right?”

She nodded.

“You’ve got a degree in… Graphic design, yeah?”

She nodded again, laughing. “I can’t believe you remembered that.”

“Well,” he pressed a soft kiss against her hairline. “Things about you are hard to forget.” He smiled when she laughed, grateful for the positive reaction. “Right so… Is that something you wanted to do?”

She nodded. “I always thought I’d enjoy doing marketing and stuff like that. Or… like, concept work. I don’t know.”

“All right, well, why don’t you take some time then? Figure it out? You…” His arm wrapped around her back squeezed a little tighter. “You deserve to take time to figure out what you want, you know that right?”

A moment of silence and a nod.

“But… money… and my apartment…”

Kristoff shrugged, words tumbling from his lips before he even knew what he was saying. “I mean, I’ve got a spare room. You can just move in here for a bit if you want to. You…” Then it hit him, and he felt his whole face scrunch up. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

Anna was sitting up, her brows raised as she looked over his face, but he immediately turned his eyes to stare at the carpet. Fuck he was so fucking stupid.

“That… Do you mean that?”

He felt his cheeks grow hotter. “I mean. Yeah. If you want. And like, I’ve got the spare room so you’d have your own space. And you’re here most nights anyway?” Oh stop talking you idiot. “It’s, I mean, obviously,” a laugh, “up to you? But yeah I mean, it wouldn’t… put me out or anything and it would give you some flexibility? And… I don’t know. I just… yeah.”

Kristoff risked one glance up at her from the corner of his eye and felt like he was going to have a heart attack. He couldn’t read her, couldn’t even come close to figuring out what she was thinking.

“Can you say something now?”

Her palm was on his cheek and she was turning him gently to face her. “I’m…” She swallowed and let out a wet laugh before she smiled. “I’m going to say something and… And you don’t have to say it back, okay?”

Wait. Hang on. He was supposed to do this first. He wanted to be the first to say it, wanted to fucking say it before he asked her to fucking move in and shit, he was the worst at this.

He nodded anyway.

“I… am so in love with you… and I… shit.”

Kristoff let out a heavy sigh as he smiled. God, that was genuinely the most amazing thing he had ever heard in his entire life. He wanted to hear it over and over and fucking over again.

“I want to be with you all --”

“Wait.” He clapped his hand over her mouth before immediately removing it and apologizing at her shocked eyes. “Sorry. Okay, wait. I’ve… I messed this up.”

Her smile faltered just slightly. “... Do you not want me to move in? Because… that’s okay.”

“Oh, jesus, god, no.” He was shaking his head rapidly before realizing how dumb that was and that his headache had just slightly worsened from the movement. “No, I want that so much.”

Anna nodded, her eyes growing a little worried. “Okay. So…”

“I’ve… literally been trying to figure out how to tell you the same thing all day.” He pushed his hair out of his face and turned to look at her, the blush on her cheeks glowing under her freckles.

“... What?”

“You beat me to it. And I went out of order.” His hand lifted to scratch at the back of his neck. “I probably should have told you I loved you before I asked you to move in -- wait, god damn it.” He’d never get this right, would he?

“You love me?” That sparkle in her eyes was breathtaking.

“Fuck, wait. Of course I do. But I… was planning this whole… speech. Hang on.” He shifted them then, lifting one leg onto the couch so he could properly face her, and took both of her hands into his. “You’re… You’re genuinely the most extraordinary person I’ve ever met. Anna, you’re kind, and beautiful, and brave, and funny, and you… Well you put up with me which makes you patient as hell. And I… I never, ever thought I’d ever find this. But… it’s you. It’s only you. You’re perfect, and I don’t want to wait anymore. I’m… I’m not scared anymore, Anna. I am so, so in love with you I almost can’t bear it.”

He decided he had to be okay with how it happened. He wasn’t ever going to be perfect, but he knew he’d never meant anything more in his life.

And then her whole face contorted, and large tears started falling from her eyes, and fuck, he did it wrong, because now she was crying and sobbing and “Anna baby, Anna… What did I do wrong?”

She practically leapt off the couch, into his arms, and pressed her nose into his neck. “Nothing, god, you’re… you’re perfect. I love you so much.”

Fuck, he’d never get tired of that.

#btpfic #feistypantswrites

53 notes · View notes

hockeysweetheart · 5 years ago

Photo

What do all of these People have in Common.... They all come from the Capitol...

As I am rereading the series again... this never hit me before. How much Katniss Hated the captiol and everyone in it... She wanted nothing to do with them. ( Like wanted them to know nothing about her life). She was Disguested at the fact the get pump up for the games ( like anyone would for a sporting event or something you truely get excited for).. She lables the people in the capitol That they are all bad guys, Doing the Worst crime possible... ( Prior Games)...

Then she meets her prep Team and realizes that they are actually trying to help her stand a chance. But still was on edge a little bit with them.. Katniss Realized okay they are pretty much brainwashed into enjoying these games.. And like she just couldn’t hate on them because they just look so silly and talk that way. Catching Fire... They way they treated her mother with respect Katniss Felt a guilty for the way she labled them... Then later on in the books her prep team is crying tears over her and there goodbye... ( Katniss says something like how this literally is breaking her heart).. Then in the book of Mockingjay they are “rescuded and put in jail in district 13 for the fact they stole a piece of bread or something like that”. In that moment Katniss was like oh hell no she defended her prep team... even tho it took them a little bit of time to gang there trust to her again... But over all she realized they are actually good people...

Effie the Escort of the games.... Katniss would make fun of her acent and really since Effie was just the escort Katniss didn’t really value her opinion early on. Tho I don’t think Katniss ever Hated her. Trust took a while tho. She was in the same boat as everyone else in the capitol tho .In catching fire ( this broke my heart) At the reaping Effie thats when I think it hit Katniss Efffie Genuinely cares about Katniss and Peeta... ( Not the next Party not the wedding).. From that point Effie managed to break my heart a few more other times... Another was before the Interviews ( In the movies not sure if this was in the books) When Effie tells Katniss she would be the most Beautiful Bride and says lets show them what real beauty looks like... and then the Goodbyes from Effie. This is when I persoanlly had a whole new respect for Effie. ( During these times). In Mockingjay In the book shes not in it until the very end of the book. In the movie she has a bigger role...When she is talking to Plutarch she feels so bad for Katniss all shes been through and tells him that She cannot be replaced... So when she Meets Katniss again. Katniss doesn’t hesitate to hug her. and is happy to see her.. Another thing I noticed after Snow Dropped off the roses and Katniss is having the Meltdown.. She tells them we should turn off the cameras... ( I thought personally such a sweet Moment)... At the End of the movie. When Katniss is on her way home... What Effie said to Katniss (Also broke my heart) Katniss knew that Effie was like a friend to her almost family who truely cares about her...

Cinna. The moment she met Cinna she liked him right off the bat. and he hasn’t Dispointed her. She saw Cinna was not only going to help her look good. She saw him as someone who will help her get through interviews Help her have a actual chance in these games... In fact she calls him a friend even. She also feels alot safe when he’s around and doesn’t want to Disappoint him. When he said I am not allowed to bet but if I could I’d bet on you... That moment Katniss realized that he genuinely Beileves she can win this thing... Her outfits Tell a story. Girl on Fire. Wont Go down without a fight...Made her unforgettable... Catching Fire... He helped Katniss with her talent and Katniss enjoyed this since it meant talking to Cinna. By this point no question they are friends ( Katniss has a friend in the capitol). The Wedding Dress to Mockingjay “Chef kiss”.. ( By that point there was this rebel plot and Katniss was nammed the Mockingjay of it but She had no idea yet...) So Cinna did her a huge favor in helping her. Knowing it would result in his death... Mockingjay even tho he was dead i personally felt he was there all along. Making her the mockingjay suit adding all these little details making it perfect. Over all I personally love Cinna. ( he said I only show what I feel in my work so he hurts no one but himself...) I love that line... And he was hte one who really truely helped Katniss no matter what,,,

Plutarch. Katniss never Fully trusts him... He is the head gamemaker and rebel too.. So Katniss said she ranks the Gamemakers somewhere between maggots in the terms of creatures she wants in contract with her skin.. ( Also anyone remember whem Katniss shot the arrow at the gamemakers and one fell in the punch bowl yeah that was Plutarch. So over all basically slowly once hes found out to be the rebel.. after the break into the arena... Katniss sorta slowly trusts him ( I am however a little rusty on Mockingjay tho) I want to add right here. I know that in the movies. He was suppose to be added in a lot more but since Philip Seymour Hoffman death they did the movie beautifully. ( Did you know that they had a meeting with Suzanne Collins about what to do.. She said Haymtich should bring Katniss the letter and read it)...

Cressida.Messalla, Pollux and Castor.. Katniss Film crew in District 13... Katniss. really didn’t put them in the lable... tho I don’t recall her trusting them right off the bat.. at this point tho the Capitol lable is thrown out the window if your in district 13... ( I personally forgot they were from the capitol)

Over all during the series Katniss Realized not all people in the capitol are bad... not all from from there. she had a new respect for people after her first games. she realized well that the games are made in a way that it makes people want to watch the games... and like Katniss opens up a whole new door to them..

36 notes · View notes

thejosh1980 · 4 years ago

Text

Love Me Tender

I did something really amazing yesterday... But I can't share what I did...

I did something that went against every anxious bone in my body... But, I'm sorry, I can't tell you exactly happened...

I did something that deep down inside, while I felt excited about the opportunity I was given, also freaked me out to the point that I had to talk myself through the whole thing...

I had to face my demons...

OK, I'll try to clarify...

I stopped drinking about 6 years ago. The short story is, I was self medicating. I was using alcohol to hide my anxiety and, in doing so, increased my depression. (Of course, there's a lot more to it than that, but who needs a run down of my darkest moments and the story of how I hit rock bottom? This is not the time nor the place...)

I was seeing a therapist in Germany when I lived there, who had helped me a lot. Since I freed myself from alcohol, with his help, I found ways to acknowledge my anxiety, frustrations and depression and to help me get through the hard times.

I was not perfect. I was not cured. I would say I was getting a lot less broken as time went on. I was finding some confidence. With his help, I was figuring my shit out. My doc, was the best thing that happened to me.

So fast forward until now... This has been a tough year, right?...

Our relationship and wedding was great (relationship is still on course), but then with the lock down, the delayed flights and quarantine, just getting down under has been hard, stressful and sometimes, I just don't realize how difficult it really is and what affect it has/had on me. I always think “well other folks have it worse, I shouldn't worry about how bad it is for us...” but sometimes that's easier said than done... Especially in the thick of it...

So I was in a kind of limbo state during the last few months in Germany, and once we got here to “The Ocean Shores Resort”, that state continued.

Sure, I get up each day, my routine is pretty simple, I drive mum to work and pick her up. The rest of the time I fill it up, one could say, recharging my batteries in my own weird way (I rarely can sit still for more than 5 minutes except to write this bog entries)...

It's been 5 weeks, very little motivation. I don't play guitar, I don't read, I don't do things that need energy. I keep it very simple.

The pressure is on myself to find a new career and study or work. Our goal is to buy a little house, surf, relax and enjoy the Northern Rivers of NSW while taking care of mum. I haven't done much to help us get in that direction... Other than move half way around the world during a pandemic... (Something I have to keep reminding myself when I get to thinking I'm pretty useless and unproductive.).

I always put unnecessary pressure on myself to get things done, right now, correctly and efficiently.

So I needed to find a way to help me feel like I was doing something... Anything... I kept checking for jobs in the area, talk with folks about what I could do for a living and figure myself out... I was trying to find that spark. (By the way, Alex has pretty much figured out her next step, and maybe the next few steps! She's inspired and I'm super happy for her).

Yesterday was the culmination of finding a spark, facing my fears and coming out the other side proud of myself (no matter what the final outcome of the “thing” I did).

I processed and worked through my anxiety and took a step in a self help / self improvement direction... I didn't expect this to be the outcome of the experience I had yesterday, but I was over the moon excited, not so much about the thing that I did, but how I did it and how it made me feel after achieving it.

I spent about 2 weeks talking myself into this gig... Like a lot...!!! I've also been talking with my wife, my mum, step Dad and my best friend. Building my courage. Overcoming my anxiety.

I was constantly one small hiccup away from giving up...!

Really!

I was just waiting/hoping for the slightest detail, the smallest wave, to throw me overboard, to run me off the road, to give me ... an excuse... any excuse will do!! But somehow, I took each step, made it smaller and smaller until it was a lot of smaller steps that I could over come... One at a time...

To give you an idea, I knew I had to print out some paperwork and fill it out... That sounded like A LOT of work to me at the time... So I broke it down to... “turn on the laptop”... “check emails for file”... “open file”... “read it”.... “take laptop to the printer”... “make a coffee”... “come back to laptop”... “turn on printer”.... etc etc etc you get the idea...

Fast forward a day or two...

When I got to the “interview”, there were a lot more people outside than I expected, than I was told...!! (My insecurities were playing havoc!) But instead of worrying about that, I forced myself to... “find a park”... “grab paperwork”... “open the car door”... “step towards the line of other folks”... etc etc etc until I was THERE! In the middle of it all... (mostly waiting...)...

Amazingly, I was motivated! I was proactive for the first time for something I wanted to do... Not something I needed to do! What a feeling of joy, even though I was still scared and lacked any resemblance of confidence at the time.

I recognized, besides our wedding and our relationship, most of our lives in 2020 was about things we had to do to survive... We needed to do these things... It was dictated to us because of outside influences... We couldn't prevent nor predict a lockdown! We couldn't fly the plane! We couldn't pack the container!

But what I did yesterday, that was 100% my choice, about something I wanted to do... And I followed through with it, the whole time fighting with myself just to give up.

I could say, the “interview” went OK. Much different than I expected. Unfortunately I can't actually tell you more about what I did... But if I can in the future, I promise I will.

After I did what I did (yesterday), in the process I've learnt how to overcome my fears (maybe not all of them, but enough to show me I'm processing things in the best way for me right now). Afterwards, I was on a high, I jumped in the car, cranked up the tunes and drove through the windy hills behind the Gold Coast with my heart on fire and a huge smile on my face.

Damn I felt alive, I felt good!

Even if I don't get the “job”, I've gotten somewhere personally.

Personal growth!

That was awesome! I have felt this way in the past, but not for a long while... This was exactly what I needed...

This is exactly what I wanted...

The point is, I felt like I was standing still, catching my breath, but maybe now I can start moving forward... I've broken the seal... I've opened a can of worms... I've hit the jackpot!! Well maybe not the jackpot, but you get my drift...

Small steps lead to big steps...

I also realize, even though I don't see my Doc anymore in Germany, I have a great support system in place... Between all 4 folks, they all offered something to help me along the way... Some of them didn't even know they were helping!

And damn, this blogging/journal/diary thing has been super helpful too... I'm learning that writing things down helps me process 'em... A bit like songwriting, but longer and on a much short time frame. My songs often take years to be heard, these blogs take hours...

Definitely sharing how I feel, what is happening in my life has been, and will continue to be, a big win for me.

I can't tell you if I'll tackle the next task the same, because the past week has taken a lot out of me, but what this experience has reminded me, when I want something, I am actually able to make it happen, and that's a good feeling.

Now for the big question “what do I want?”.

Thank you everyone.

Josh

#self care #personal growth #anxiety #small steps #opportunity #therapy

5 notes · View notes

luci-in-trenchcoats · 6 years ago

Text

Someone You Loved (Part 1)

Summary: The reader is the daughter of a well known mafia boss in her city and is used to an easy going life. When her father is arrested along with his crew, the reader is forced into a different life full of lies and adversity. Worst of all, her boyfriend of the past year, Dean, is an undercover cop who put her father away. She’s perfectly content with never seeing Dean again but he has a habit of making his way back into her life...

Pairing: Cop!Dean x Mafia!reader

Masterlist

Word Count: 5,900ish

Warnings: language, mentions of a break up, angst, harassment

A/N: This series turned out quite a bit different than I was going for and it’s a bit angstier than I normally write but I hope you enjoy!...

_____

“Last one,” said the lawyer, sliding another sheet of paper in front of you. You blinked slowly at it and squiggled your name on the line, the lawyer taking the paper and adding it to the third pile. He said something to the detective on the other side of the table, the room quiet for a moment.

“What?” you squeaked out, taking a sip from your nearly empty water bottle.

“That’s all, Ms. Y/L/N. You’re free to go,” said the detective.

“Where am I supposed to go? My house is a crime scene,” you breathed out. The detective stared at you and then your lawyer, glancing behind you at the one way mirror for a moment.

“An officer can escort you through the house to retrieve some clothing or personal items. Everything else is evidence,” he said.

“What about my car?” you asked.

“Everything purchased by your father is evidence and has been seized. Technically the clothing should stay too but I ain’t heartless and everything you’ve given us the past day, that’s good stuff. You’re a smart kid. You get to walk out of here without a record. I’d take that as a win,” he said.

“My father is going to prison for the rest of his life. His men are. People that were my family. I’m the one that screwed up and the last thing he told me was to give you whatever you guys wanted and to save myself. I have nothing now. Then there’s the fact my boyfriend for the past year is an undercover cop which is…” you said, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Take the room for as long as you need it. I gotta go get these scanned,” said the detective, taking two stacks of paper along with his files out of the room.

“Y/N. Come on. It’s been a long day. We’ll go back to the house and get your things and you can stay in my guest room tonight,” said the lawyer.

“Thanks,” you said quietly. He gathered up his things as you took your empty water bottle, tossing it in the trash on the way out. You hadn’t left the interview room in over twelve hours. A few trips to the bathroom right next door maybe but that’d been it. You’d given all the information you could, gotten yourself an airtight deal.

You did what you were supposed to in case shit ever hit the fan.

It didn’t change the fact that everyone you knew was either behind bars or was never speaking to you again.

The lawyer followed an officer that led you both back into the main station. You barely lifted your head as you cut through the desks. They sounded like they were throwing a party. You didn’t necessarily blame them. It’d probably be a case that’d make all of their careers.

“Almost got ‘em all,” you heard someone say under their breath. You kept your head low, trying to follow the lawyer’s shoes ahead of you. He came to a stop though and you realized you were at a desk, the lawyer signing something else.

You took a deep breath, two pairs of voices catching your attention. Coming out of an office was the police chief. You’d met him earlier in the day. He was a bit grumpy but you kind of liked him. The other voice quickly cut itself off when he saw you. You looked him up and down. He was still in his brown boots, his dark jeans and a navy henley with his sleeves rolled up.

He looked just like he did when he left to go pick up breakfast that morning. You were supposed to be out on date with him right now, probably talking about how bad he’d been at pool the night before or making plans to go visit open houses on Sunday, talk about getting your own place together soon.

The gun in the thigh holster seemed too natural on him and the badge on his hip only told you what you knew from the start.

Dean Smith was a good guy.

Well, Dean Winchester, maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t, but at least he was very good at his job. Not too many people could single handedly bring down a mob family.

“We’ll talk tomorrow. Go celebrate,” said the chief. Dean nodded and lifted his head, walking past you without a glance, more party sounds going on behind you as Dean headed back towards them.

“Is that really necessary?” asked the lawyer.

“I would take your client and leave. Now.”

“I don’t want her in this house,” you heard outside the guest room that night at the lawyer’s place.

“Honey, she’s an innocent kid. Cut her a break,” he said.

“I want her gone in the morning,” she said.

“Alright, alright. Just let her stay the one night.”

“Early riser?” asked the lawyer when you trudged down the stairs the next morning, your backpack on your shoulders. He frowned but you shook your head. “Can I give you a ride somewhere?”

“The city. Restaurant district. Everybody always needs a waitress,” you said with a shrug.

“That is very true. I don’t feel all that comfortable dropping a young woman off in the middle of the city though when she has no place to go,” he said.

“I’m not your problem. Tell the police if they need to contact me they can use your law firm. I’ll update you once I got a place,” you said.

“Here,” he said, standing up and handing over an envelope. “Your father paid me well over the years. Take it. Get a job, get in the subsidized apartments downtown. That’s enough to cover it and get you in something today.”

“Thank you.”

Two Months Later

The sound of a car alarm going off woke you up twenty minutes before your alarm was set to go off. You stared at the clock for five minutes and turned it off, sitting up with a groan. You rolled off the bed and went out to the hall to the only bathroom, quickly getting ready for the day. You took a cold shower and dried off, hanging the towel up to dry. You headed back to you room and grabbed your white button up, your tank, and black skirt, tugging them on along with your wretched black tights. Your hair was thrown up in a bun. You padded down the short hall into the eat-in kitchen, opening the fridge and frowning.

“Toast and eggs. Again. Yay,” you mumbled, taking the food out and tossing a pan on the burner. You learned pretty quickly that working at a diner was horrible but there was enough free food to feed you most of the day. You were already sick of waiting tables during the day and tending bar at night but you needed a degree for freaking everything nowadays and you were tempted to murder your father for encouraging you to take a few break years before you went to college. But you were slowly saving up and you knew eventually you’d be able to start going and get on your feet better.

After a short breakfast, you walked around the apartment. You kept it as clean as you could, even if it was old. You took a seat on the world’s lumpiest couch, taking your phone out of the charger by the wall. Not that anyone ever called you except the lawyer.

“One more day,” you said, grabbing your purse from the kitchen counter, tossing it over yourself. “One more day.”

“Careful,” you said during the lunch rush, helping catch the platter of drinks the new girl was carrying to a table. She gave you a thankful smile as you went past, stopping at the manager’s station. “We’re swamped.”

“I can see that. Alex and Brandy both called in sick today. I need you to cover Brandy’s section and yours,” she said.

“You want me to cover nearly twenty tables by myself?” you asked.

“Yes. Now go,” she said, grabbing an apron off the hook. “I have to take Alex’s so I’m pissed at them too. Go on.”

You sighed and headed over to the new section. The next two hours were a whirlwind and you were proud of yourself for only screwing up one out of nearly a hundred orders. You were more than ready for your break when you heard the bell on the door.

You spun around and grabbed your pad, pausing when you saw two guys in uniforms, two in plain clothes, walk in and take a seat at a booth. A pair of green eyes quickly avoided your own.

“Hi. Special is sriracha bacon cheeseburger with fries today,” you said, still deciding where to look when you approached the table. “What can I get to drink for you-”

“Holy shit. Is that the Y/L/N kid? The one Deano had to fake date?” said one guy with a smile. “It is, isn’t it?”

“May I take your order,” you said dryly.

“Look at you, out in the real world,” said another, your gaze going out the window. “Life’s a bit different when daddy ain’t paying for everything, huh?”

“May I take your order,” you said again.

“Four specials and waters,” said Dean quickly, looking at the guys he was with. You took the menus away and put in the order, hiding out in the kitchen and debating whether to spit in anyone’s food.

You knew better though and despite the urge, you didn’t do a thing aside from steal a few fries for yourself.

You brought the food out silently, setting a plate down in front of each one, the four of them going quiet.

“You know some people think you ought to have gone to prison too ya know,” said the one on the outside of the booth. You turned to leave, a hand catching your wrist.

“Please enjoy your food,” you said, shaking him off. You took a deep breath as you walked away, your manager catching your arm as you headed in the back.

“There a problem?” she asked.

“No.”

“I don’t care who it is, no one touches my girls,” she said. You gave her a smile, her hand dropping away.

“It’s okay. I’m fine.”

Two Weeks Later

Everyday the four of them came in for lunch and you got more comments, Dean looking more and more uncomfortable each time. One day they never came though and you thanked God they’d gotten bored of harassing you.

After your shift at the diner, you changed out of your tights in the bathroom and shoved them in your purse, taking your hair down and rolling up the sleeves of your shirt. You gave the manager a short smile as you left to walk the two blocks over to your shift at the bar. The break room there was a bit nicer than the diner and the staff wore tank tops that were provided. You took off your white button up to show off your tank you’d had on all day and folded the shirt up in your locker along with your purse. You threw your hair up in a high ponytail and headed out to the bar, some of your regulars already sat in their spots.

“Evening, Y/N.”

“Evening, Hank,” you said with a smile as you slid behind the counter. The old guys, the early crowd, those guys you liked. They had interesting stories and most of them had kids they talked about, most had problems with those kids. You were mainly a sounding board for them to complain about life with but you knew they enjoyed talking to you and some of them reminded you of your dad, especially Hank.

“When are you going to quit this job?” he asked.

“Someday,” you said, setting his favorite drink down in front of him. “When you gonna quit drinking, Hank?”

“Someday,” he said with a smile.

“Well when I quit, you quit, how’s that sound?” you said.

“I can agree to that,” he said.

“It’s a deal,” you said, heading off down the bar to take care of some of the others.

Eventually the old timers would leave though and the younger crowd came in. Some nights it was fine and slow, some nights it was frat boys and so many comments about your ass and chest you just stood there and balked. Other times you flirted back, got a bigger tip that way. You made way more money there than at the diner after all.

“Crew of guys just hit the end of the bar,” said your other bartender for the night. She was working her regular end and you nodded, cocking your head when you saw who was there. You sighed and stepped over, throwing over four coasters in front of the four of them around the wrap curve of the bartop.

“What can I get you?” you asked. Dean turned his head at the guys, narrowing his eyes.

“We missed you at work today,” said Gary. You gave him your best bitch face but didn’t say anything. You hated Gary the most. Devin and Steve were equally obnoxious but at least they waited until you walked away from the table to start snickering about you. “We’re celebrating. Round of shots. Tequila. Then a Jack and coke.”

“Cheapest whiskey. Double,” said Steve.

“Same,” said Devin. You waited for Dean to order, his eye twitching. “Get a water for our DD.”

“You three outside now,” said Dean, jaw clenching.

“Deano, we-”

“OUTSIDE!” shouted Dean, the whole bar going quiet. The three guys looked at each other and slowly left, Dean’s body carefully relaxing. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” you said.

“No it’s not,” he said, lifting his head, looking you head on for the first time in months. “You don’t deserve...it’s called police harassment and you should report it.”

“No one cares about people like me,” you said. “Those guys are dicks but I’d rather spend the rest of my life stuck with them over you. At least I know who they are. If you’re not ordering a drink, leave.”

“What happened to you?”

“Life. Leave before I get the bouncer over here. Now.”

“For fucks sake,” you said the next day, Dean walking into the bar with his gun on his leg and badge on his hip, Hank spinning around in his seat.

“I’m off duty,” said Dean, taking a seat at the mostly empty bar top, just one spot over from Hank. “Whiskey.”

You grabbed a glass and started to make his drink for him, putting in two ice cubes and sliding it in front of him.

“Aren’t you that cop that was on the news?” asked Hank. “The Y/L/N mafia family?”

“A lot of people worked to do that,” said Dean, giving Hank a barely there smile.

“Those were some bad guys. All in the drug business,” he said.

“Eh, they were more white collar crime. No drugs,” said Dean.

“Oh. The news made it seem like they were ruthless killers,” he said.

“Just people who did a few illegal things, not really bad guys,” said Dean. “With a whole lot of money though.”

“The whole family went to jail,” said Hank. “The father, the brothers, the nephews, the whole shebang.”

“Eh, not the whole family. The news don’t tell everything to you straight. They got to tell a story after all,” said Dean, taking a sip of his whiskey. “Devil’s cut.”

“Hank why don’t we leave the officer alone,” you said, glaring at Dean. “I’m sure he can’t talk about his case.”

“You’re right. Y/N here keeps me on track. I even talked to my son last night,” he said.

“You did? That’s great Hank. How’d it go?” you asked.

“Oh he was pretty angry but he answered at least. He wants me to get out of here, go stay down in Florida with him for awhile,” said Hank.

“You really should Hank,” you said. “Neither of my parents are around anymore. I know he's angry but someday, he’s gonna want you there and you won’t be if you don’t get your act together.”

“She’s been watering down my drinks lately. Weaning me off the stuff,” said Hank to Dean.

“Hank,” you said with a smile, leaning over the bar. “Get out of here. I’m cutting you off.”

“I had two drinks,” he said.

“I got the right to refuse service,” you said. “Go try your son again for me.”

“I still ain’t quitting until you quit,” he said as he stood up.

“I know, I know,” you said, Hank giving you a wave. “Take it easy.”

You cleaned up his glass, feeling Dean’s gaze on your back.

“That’s the Y/N I remember,” he said. “Kind. Helpful. Sees the good in people.”

“It’s an act,” you said, turning around, wiping down the bar top.

“No. This whole attitude is an act,” he said. You leaned your head back, eyes tearing up when you looked back at him, Dean’s face going blank.

“This is me now. My life sucks and I get that. I own that. It’s my problem. I wake up, I got to work, I sleep for four hours, five if I’m lucky and then I do it all again. I live in a shithole that I’m terrified to walk to and from everyday but I need to pay the bills and no one wants to hire a fucking Y/L/N around here. I know I lost everything. I lost my boyfriend and my best friend that day too. It wasn’t even like we broke up though. Our entire relationship was you getting close to me to get access for your case. There’s a hundred million things that made me feel like but the one that pops up so much besides me being a damn idiot and feeling betrayed was that I loved you. I told you things. I shared things. Things I felt, things that are wrong with me, things about after my mom died. You told me exactly what I wanted to hear to make me fall in love with you. You broke my heart. And I’m the idiot that let you in. You humiliated me. Well I’m not making the same mistake. This is me now so deal with it.”

Dean took a long sip of his drink, staring down into the glass. You cleaned up the bar, getting your composure back just in time to hear him open his mouth.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said quietly. “I’m always going to love you. I chose my job over you and I have to live with that the rest of my life. You never did a single thing wrong. Shit, you never even double parked or jaywalked when we were together. They couldn’t get you for anything because they didn’t have anything on you. I vouched for you. You didn’t deserve prison for something you had nothing to do with and you don’t deserve this kind of life either.”

“No one deserves this kind of life, Dean,” you said. “I want you to finish your drink, leave, and never come back. Is that clear?”

“I do love you,” he said.

“I will never trust a damn thing that comes out of your mouth ever again,” you said, swallowing hard. “I don’t know anything else. Stay away from me.”

“Problem?” asked Ricky, stepping away from his post besides the door. You shook your head as Dean downed the rest of his drink and slapped down a hundred.

“I got a promotion. New case to work,” he said.

“Good for you,” you said. He left quietly, Ricky watching you slam his empty glass in the bin for wash up.

“Don’t let that guy back in the bar,” you said. “Ever.”

Two Weeks Later

A cop car in your neighborhood late at night wasn’t out of the ordinary. There was normally one there for one reason or another. You quickly walked past, stilling when you heard two doors open.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” said Gary. Looking over your shoulder you saw him and Steve, frowning when you noticed Devin get out of a dark sedan parked across the street. “We got a report of some suspicious going ons at your apartment. People in and out. Possibly drugs.”

“Well that’s a lie. I just want to go home,” you said, Steve tsking you.

“Stay put, miss,” he said.

“Detective Carver, we have probable cause to search the premises,” said Gary.

“No you don’t,” you said.

“Not according to eye witness accounts of the coming and goings,” he said. Devin went over to your front door and it popped open easily, Steve holding a hand out when you went to follow after. Devin returned a moment later with a small white bag, frowning at you. “I got drugs.”

“You didn’t find that! You just took that out of your pocket!” you said, Steve stepping over to you and grabbing your arm. “He didn’t-”

“Drug charge for distribution? That won’t be pretty for a girl like you,” said Steve, putting a pair of cuffs on you. You opened your mouth but he lifted his head. “Your Miranda rights are in effect. Let’s go.”

He shoved you in the back of the cop car, Gary leaning down as he put a seatbelt on you.

“File an anonymous complaint again and you’ll see how much worse this can get,” he said before slamming the door shut in your face.

You stuck to a corner of your small cell, mostly drunks in the other ones. You didn’t look up when you heard a pair of footsteps come to a stop.

“Y/N.”

Your eyes flickered over and you saw the police chief.

“On your feet, let’s go,” he said.

He led you out of the cell and signed you out, guiding you past a familiar hall and into his office, the door quickly shut. Dean was leaned against the wall, hair tufted up in that way you knew he’d just rolled out of bed.

“You sure?” asked the chief, Dean nodding. “Dean, go ahead.”

“I’m working undercover. We think there’s a few bad eggs in the bunch, have been for a while. I think you know who I’m talking about,” said Dean.

“You put in the anonymous tip?” you scoffed. “Those three could have done something far worse than pinning a drug charge on me.”

“I was there,” said Dean.

“What do you mean you were there?”

“Tell her the full story,” said the chief.

“How much full story?” asked Dean.

“I think he said the full story,” you said, glaring at him.

“She’s not a cop,” said Dean. “I’d prefer she stay in the dark.”

“That’s the first honest thing you’ve ever said to me,” you said, crossing your arms.

“Maybe it’s better if I explain considering your personal history,” said the chief.

“Oh. That he was my boyfriend? That we used to fuck? Or that we dated over a year and here I thought I’d be engaged and planning my wedding at this point?” you said with a cock of your head.

“Detective Winchester relayed his conflict of interest early on in the other case,” said the chief.

“What does that mean?”

“It means he fell for his protectee,” said the chief. You raised an eyebrow, Dean pursing his lips. “It was quite glaringly obvious to some of us, a select few, that after your statement, you knew nothing of what your father truly did.”

“He laundered money,” you said. “Right?”

“Your dad...has worked with law enforcement for many years. His business had gotten a pass because of all of the useful information we’ve gotten over the years. Crooked cops, drug deals, murders...he’s helped a lot of people. But he stumbled onto something about a year and a half ago. A very big and connected network of businesses that are fronts for smugglers. He knew that was big and...he got worried. He made a deal to help find out more information if we gave protection for his daughter without her knowing,” said Dean.

“Your big case was made up?”

“Mhm. Your father and his men, your family...they aren’t in prison, Y/N. They’re in witness protection. We think that Gary, Steve and Devin work for this network which is why they’ve been in such close contact with you lately. They’re making sure you don’t know the truth and if you do, you know to keep your mouth shut. I’ve been getting close on purpose but-”

“But his little outburst at the bar got him backtracked with that plan of going undercover with that organization so now we’re on Plan C,” said the chief.

“Which is,” you said.

“She’s not a cop,” said Dean. “She’s not a criminal either. Her father barely was.”

“We’d like you to approach the officers, offer them some of your father’s resources, tell them you’re sick of living the life you have been and you want your old one back,” said the chief.

“...Is that why I can only get shitty jobs? You’ve...you’ve made my life as crappy as possible so I seem desperate enough?” you said.

“If you take the deal and help stop the network, you get your family back, Y/N. You get your life back,” said the chief.

“You don’t agree with this,” you said to Dean.

“I think the odds are pretty good you end up dead or in a situation where you wish you were dead. It’s not safe,” said Dean.

“You don’t have a say,” said the chief.

“She was my girlfriend. I get a say,” said Dean.

“You get to keep your job. That’s what you get,” said the chief, Dean getting a glare of his own. “I’ll kick you off this thing if you can’t get your priorities straight.”

Dean pressed his lips together and stared at the ground, the chief turning his attention on you.

“I’m not an idiot. My family committed crimes, even if they weren’t that bad. They don’t just get to come back like that,” you said.

“What about some unfrozen assets?” said the chief. “How about you tell us what you want in exchange?”

“I want to go wherever my father is. I want my degree paid for at whatever college I go to. I want no record and when it’s done, I want to be left alone, especially by him,” you said, nodding at Dean.

“We’ll put something together,” said the chief. “For now go home, don’t act like anything more has happened. Your contact will stop by soon.”

The next morning you were munching on a piece of toast when a knock came at the door. You took a deep breath and looked through the eye hole, resting your head against the door.

“Of fucking course,” you said, Dean giving you one of his best bitch faces when you opened. “I got work soon.”

“We’re gonna go visit the guys. You’re gonna tell them you made the complaint to get their attention. Last night shook you up so you didn’t say anything. You approached me first because you thought I was in charge and we’ll both try to get in,” he said. “I was pissed the night at the bar because I thought they were throwing away a good opportunity to use your father’s old connections. Got all that?”

“Yeah. I got it,” you said, popping the last of your breakfast in your mouth. You spun around to get your purse, Dean taking a step inside.

“This is where you live?”

“No. I hang out here for fun. Of course it’s where I live, jackass,” you said, throwing your purse on. “We going or what?”

“You eating enough?” he asked.

“What do you care?”

“How many times do I have to say it? Me being your boyfriend...that was all me,” he said.

“I don’t believe you. Stop okay. Just stop. It was an act for your job. This is just another job. I help with this and then I want to get out of this town and forget you even exist.”

“You want to throw away a whole year?”

“I already threw it away,” you said. “You should do the same. You’re good enough at pretending. Shouldn’t be too hard for you. You don’t get it. You’ll never get it.”

“That was the real me,” he said.

“No, it wasn’t. The real man I was in love with would have trusted me enough to tell me the truth. He’s not real. All that’s left is you and you...you’re nothing to me. So let’s just get this done with as fast as we can so we can both get on with our lives, alright?” you said.

“I underestimated you. You’ll do just fine. You can pretend with the best of them, can’t you? I bet you don’t even let yourself cry over how shitty everything is anymore, huh? You never let anyone see you cry, except me. So I know that face you make when you’re shoving it down. So don’t try to lie to me and say I’m nothing to you,” he said.

“Fine. It still hurts. Who fucking cares? We got a job to do. You never had a problem putting that above me before. Let’s go.”

“Relax,” said Dean. “Stop being so pissed. You’ll tip ‘em off.”

“Obviously you should hang out in shittier neighborhoods, learn how people really act,” you said. You walked over to an outdoor table where Gary, Steve and Devin were sipping on coffee and eating some bagels. You sat down without asking, the three of them staring as Dean pulled over a chair and took one as well. Your arms were crossed and you leaned back in your seat, staring at all three.

“Can we help you?” said Gary.

“Yeah. You can. I can help you too,” you said. Gary raised an eyebrow, the other two laughing. “I say it’s time we all stop dancing around this.”

“Dancing around what, princess?” asked Steve.

“I want in,” you said.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” said Gary.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” you said. He didn’t move but flicked his eyes over to Dean. “Your boss said I should talk to you.”

“He ain’t my boss and I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about,” said Gary.

“Yeah you do,” said Dean. He leaned forward in his seat, glancing at you. “I want in too. There’s an opportunity here.”

“Didn’t you fake date her, goodie two shoes?” said Devin.

“Why you do think I took the assignment, dumbass?” said Dean with a smirk. “It’s called a long term plan.”

“You,” said Gary, nodding his head. “Let’s take a walk. You two, talk to Deano here.”

You stood without waiting for Gary, exiting onto the sidewalk and feeling him catch up with you.

“What exactly is it that you think I do?” asked Gary.

“Nothing wrong with making a little extra side money,” you said.

“Like?”

“You tell me.”

“You working for anyone?”

“Myself.”

“What are you offering?”

“Connections that require a relationship. I’ve already got those,” you said.

“In exchange?”

“Do I look like I live a great life?”

“Glad to see you can read between the lines,” he said.

“Well you’re still a dick but I got there eventually,” you said.

“Let me guess. You’re not looking for a one time deal,” he said.

“I’m the middle man,” you said.

“Dangerous place to be. You think I’m a dick, you should meet my other boss,” he said.

“Well it ain’t working out so far without me. Ten thousand a month. Twenty five for a finders fee up front. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable,” you said.

“Five a month.”

“Seven and a half.”

“Seven.”

“Deal,” you said.

“Deano. He here as your boyfriend or a cop?”

“I despise the man,” you said. “But he knows a deal when he sees one.”

“He won’t be getting your kind of deal.”

“That’s his problem. I just agreed to get him to the table if he could guarantee no more late night visitors,” you said.

“The charge got dropped,” said Gary. “It always would be.”

“Twenty five tomorrow morning. I can get an introduction going same day,” you said.

“What made you suddenly want to hop into crime?” he asked.

“Why does anyone hop into crime?” you laughed, stopping at the corner. Gary looked you up and down, giving you a brief smile. “You understand.”

“Yes, I do. You also need to get a little bit better at lying,” he said. “You have no idea who I am, do you.”

“Gary Whitlock,” you said.

“I’m declining your deal. Dean will get in with the group and that’ll be that. You’re done,” he said. You furrowed your brow, Gary pushing back his hair. “Listen chipmunk. It’s the way it’s got to be.”

You stared at him, Gary slowly blinking.

“You’re-”

“Moose. Yeah. I’m going around orders because squirrel over there asked me to. You’re not in. Dean will use the connections and you held up your end of the deal.”

“Why-”

“He loves you. He wants you safe. Sorry for being such a dick before in case I never see you again,” he said, starting to head back.

“You’re Sam. You’re-”

“If it makes you feel any better, he regrets choosing the case over you,” he said. “Now looked pissed off. You hate me, remember?”

______

A/N: Read Part 2 here!

#supernatural #spn #dean x reader #dean winchester #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #dean #winchester #dean spn

576 notes · View notes

hockeygods14 · 5 years ago

Text

Tyler Seguin - Want You Back

Masterlist

Requested: Heyy I love your writings so much I was wondering may I request one of tyler Seguin.

A/N: Sorry this took me so long! I have a few requests that I am working on now so I am soooo sorry and just know I am working on it and it will be coming.

Word count: 3,156

“So you a Stars fan?” I jump a little bit when feeling someone close to me. I turn and see I tall blonde leaning against the bar looking at me. For a second I forgot I was wearing a Stars shit. I didn't think Tyler was going to want to go out after the game but it ended putting going into overtime and him scoring the winning goal so we are out with his teammates celebrating, So I didn’t bring an extra pair of clothes to change into.

“No I just like the color green and I liked that this one had a star on it with a big D in the middle.” I rolled my eyes and looked straight ahead waiting for a bartender.

“Okay sorry I probably could have said that differently.” I glanced back at him. “Did you go to the game?”

“Yes, I did my boyfriend plays for the Stars.” The blond laughed he probably that I was joking.

“All you had to say was you weren’t interested. You didn’t need to make up a lie.”

“You see over at the booths Jamie Benn is other there talking to my boyfriend Tyler Seguin?” I pointed in the direction of Tyler. “Yeah, Tyler is my boyfriend the guy that scored the game-winning goal in overtime today.”

The bartender finally came by asked what I wanted and he got it for me right away. I made my way over to Tyler but when I looked up at him he looked pissed and Jamie was just shaking his head. Once I got there I try to seat on the same side of the booth as Tyler but he didn’t move he just looked at his drink which was almost gone.

“What is going-“ I wasn’t able to finish my sentence before Jamie got up.

“Here sit here and I’m going to go somewhere that isn’t here.” I looked at him a little confused but a sat down crossed from Tyler.

We sat there in silence for I don’t even know how long. The music was playing but I wasn’t paying any attention to what was being played. I could see people talking but I didn’t make out their conversations. I don’t know what Tyler’s problem is. He was fine when I left to get another drink.

“Every time we go out to a bar you are always talking to some random guy.” well now I know what his problem. I can't help when guys come up to me. I never flirt our anything because I mean why would I? Have you seen who I am dating?

“I don’t go up to those guys they come up to me and I tell them I have a boyfriend.”

“Y/N I see you flirty with them every time I’m not blind.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Where did this come from? I’m so confused about where all this was coming from.

I saw Tyler was about to say something when I heard something break we both look and see it was a group of girls there was a redhead with big boobs that were barely staying in her shirt she was looking right at Tyler. I saw him checking her out. It all made sense now.

“You have got to be kidding me.” Tyler looks away from the redhead. “You are making up me flirting with random guys so you can break up with me so you could go back to your old ways? Is that what you want Ty? You want to end things between us?” I felt like crying but I couldn’t not here not in this bar.

“My old ways? If I do recall you were exactly the same as I was. Sleeping around with every guy you could lay hands on.”

“I changed though I meet you and you were it for me I don’t want anyone else Ty I love you. I guess when you said you loved me it was a lie.” I drank the rest of my beer and I set it down in the middle of the table. “I guess we’re done then Tyler. You're free to go bang whoever you want. I will go by the house tomorrow while you're at practice to get my stuff.”

I didn’t bother telling anyone else I was leaving. They are Tyler’s teammates they're not my friends. Once I got to the door I turn around to look at Tyler one last time but once I saw him I wish I didn’t he was talking to the redhead already.

@@@@@@@@@

*Year and a half later*

*Tyler’s POV*

“What the hell are you doing?” I glanced up and saw Jamie looking over my shoulder at my phone I quickly closed the app I was on and put my phone back in my locker.

“What?”

“Seguin, why were you on Y/N Instagram?” I sighed and looked down at my feet.

“I was just checking in on her to see how she was doing.”

“So it has nothing to do with you seeing her at the bar last night?” I looked up at him. I didn’t realize that they saw her there too. I didn’t say anything when I saw her I didn’t want to make it a big deal.

“We didn’t know you saw her.” John Klingberg spoke up. “Why didn’t you say anything when you saw her?”

Y/N wouldn't want to talk to me anyway. After what I did I don't blame her if she did look or talk to me again. I fucked up real bad. I don't know what I was thinking really. I guess who could say I was getting cold feet. We had been dating for a while and we were talking about the future and if we wanted kids someday. I even asked what she would do if I got traded. She said she would follow me to wherever. The whole thing scared me and I made up some stupid excuse about her flirting with guys at the bar when I knew she wasn't.

“Why would I say anything? It looked like she was with someone. I went on Instagram to see how she was doing and it turns out she has moved on, She has a new boyfriend.” Before any of the guys were able to say anything the doors to the door locker room opened and in walked a little dressed nicely, she was probably here for interviews.

“Seguin are you ready?” Can I say no? I never know what they are going to ask during these preseasons. Last year the question was so random most of them were about my dogs. The year before there were questions about Y/N.

I walked into a room with a camera facing a bench. Is it too late to turn around and run?

@@@@@@@

*Y/N POV*

“Oh, my Y/N I’m sorry I’m late Jamie overslept and I had to get him up and then the whole interview thing.” Katie sat down across from me. I put my phone in my purse.

“What interview thing?”

“Tyler’s interview waits,” she said like I would know what she is talking about. I try not to look up Tyler or watch anything that he is on, so I don't watch the Stars play anymore. “have you not seen the interview?”

“Katie what interview?”

“Babe Tyler had an interview and he was asked about you.” I didn’t say anything. Why was Tyler asked about me? I saw Katie pull out her phone.

“No I don’t want to see it.” I said right away. I was in a relationship for about six months now. I was finally getting over Tyler after all this time.

“Y/N I think you should watch.” I shook my head. I haven’t heard his voice in about a year. “I know you are seeing Jackson but I know you still care for him, I think you might still even love-“

“No Katie I have moved on I don’t want nothing to do with Tyler not after what he did.” I grabbed my purse I got out of the chair I was sitting in. “You know Katie I think we should try lunch another day. I'll talk to you later.” With that, I left.

The whole ride home I thought about what Katie was talking about the interview, what Tyler said in that interview and her saying that I still love Tyler. Truth be told I really didn’t know if I still had feelings for Tyler.

When I walked into my apartment I saw Jackson’s shoes by the door.

“Jackson?” I took my shoes off and walked farther into the apartment.

“I’m in here.” I heard him in the living room and I could hear a faint noise may be coming from his phone but I couldn't see what he was watching or listening to. He looked up at me when I came in. “Have you seen this?” He turned his phone around to me and I see Tyler and this is the first time seeing him in almost a year. For a minute there I forgot how to breathe. This shouldn’t be happening to me. He hurt me after what he did I shouldn’t be feeling this way but I feel like I saw him for the first time again.

“No I haven’t seen it, but Katie was telling me about it.” I walked out of the living room and into my room to change. There was part of me that wanted to sit down and watch it but there was always part of me that didn’t because of what he did. He broke up with me.

“I think you should watch it Y/N,” I knew he followed me. I told Jackson about Tyler and me.

“I don’t want to.”

“I think you should. I’m going to go but I think you should really think about watching that interview.”

“Wait why are you leaving? I just got home. I thought we could make dinner and watch that movie you’ve been wanting to watch.” Jackson walked out and I followed closely behind him.

“Y/N I have heard about you and Tyler,” What did he mean by that? “don’t get mad at any one of them but some of your friends and family would tell me about you guys how there was no love like what y’all had. That they wished they could find a love like you guys had. I would say ‘well they aren’t together anymore so something went wrong’ They would say something along the lines of they will somehow get back to each other.”

“But what Tyler did-“

“Yeah I know but maybe you should watch the interview.” I watched him as he put his shoes on.

“Jackson are you,” I couldn’t say it. He needed to say it. I saw him stand up straight after putting the second shoe on.

“Not only did they tell me things about you both but I have seen pictures and videos of y’all together. The way you looked at him, I could only wish you looked at me that way. Y/N I want you to be happy and I don’t think it is going to be with me.” He didn’t say anything else and just walked out the walked. Leaving me there to read between the lines.

I laid on my bed with ice cream watching whatever was the first thing I saw, really I wasn’t paying any attention to it. I kept thinking of what Jackson said and then my mind went to that damn interview. I had enough talk about the stupid thing. I pulled out my phone and looked it up. I held my figure above the video for a minute preparing myself for what I was about to watch. I didn’t know what to expect.

*The interview*

Reporter: How was your summer Tyler?

Tyler: it was well spent time with my family. Hung out with some friends. I went to a couple weddings. I played with my dogs. Nothing exciting.

Reporter: Had any dates for those weddings?

Tyler: Getting right to it? No went solo.

Reporter: We haven't seen you out with anyone in a while. Are you talking to anyone?

Tyler: No not right now. I messed up pretty bad with my ex-girlfriend.

Reporter: Are you talking about Y/N?

Tyler: Yeah.

Reporter: How did you mess up?

Tyler: I said some things that were true that she did. I just wish I could take it back.

Reporter: Are you in love with her?

Tyler: Have been since the day I meet her.

Reporter: Ever try to win her back?

Tyler: I don't think she'll listen.

After that, the reporter starts talking about hockey and the upcoming season. I locked my phone and just sat there. I didn't know what to do. Then like it was a sign or something my phone rings and the caller ID says Katie I pick it up right away.

”Hello?”

”So I know you probably still a little upset with me but just hear me out-” I didn't let her finish.

”I watched the interview.” I didn't say anything else I didn't know what to say.

”And what are your thoughts?”

”Katie I don't know what to think. I came home and Jackson was watching to interview and told me to watch it and then goes on to say that some of my friends and family take to him about Tyler and I when we were dating and clearly they all want me to be with Tyler. Then he goes to say that he has seen pictures or Tyler and I and that he wishes I would look at him the way I looked at Tyler. Katie, we broke up with me. I'm hurt but not to where I'm crying.” I took a deep breath. I felt like crying but I cried over Tyler too much and there was something in me that did want to cry over Jackson breaking up with me.

“Y/N we have all seen the way you and Tyler are around each. A lot of the guys hated being around you guys because y’all were so in love. You said you watched the interview?”

“He said he was still in love with me.” Neither one of us said anything for a good few minutes. Really I didn’t know what to say.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you still in love with him?”

“I don’t know. I keep coming back to when he broke up with me. He said he messed up. I just don’t know what to think, how to feel or what to do.” I was so frustrated I wanted to cry out in anger but I also wanted to cry out that I might still have feelings for the guy that broke my heart.

“I’m heading out for the game you want to come along with me and maybe you can talk to Tyler after the game?” I thought about it. Was I ready to see Tyler again? I don’t know. The more I think about my feelings for Tyler the more I realized I still love him.

“I still love him and I don’t want to.”

“I’m on my way to pick you up so be ready we don’t want to be late for the game.”

*After the game*

As I walked down the hall to the locker room it brought back Memories of when Tyler and I were together. When he would have a good game and I see him walk out those doors I would run up to him and he would catch me and we would go home and celebrate.

As I stand here waking for the guys to come out I have the feeling I shouldn’t be here. Maybe I should have waited and just call him and we talk about this another time.

“Katie this was a bad idea. I should just call him and we talk about everything later not now not when he doesn’t know I’m here.” Just as I finished the doors opened and just my luck Jamie and Tyler were the first ones to walk out. I turned to walk down the hall fast so Tyler didn’t see me but I heard him call out my name.

“Y/N?” I stopped dead in my tracks and isn’t dare to turn around yet. Just hearing him say my name made my heart stop. I finally turned around to see him looking at me. “What are you doing here?”

“I came because I saw your interview.” Tyler looked a little shocked. I wanted to cry because when I look at him I see that red head with the big boobs. “Before anything, I just want to tell you I hate you for what you did.”

“Y/N that’s not what we talked about.” I heard Katie say as I kept talking.

“You hurt me when you said you would never do that. I don’t know if you were scared or whatever. I loved you so much. I finally got to the point where I was going on dates and then I found a boyfriend. He didn’t play hockey and didn’t play around with girls.” I could see the hurt in Tyler’s eyes. “Then you have that damn interview and go and say that you still love me. Jackson sees that and tells me I need to watch it. I didn’t want to watch it I wanted nothing to do with you anymore. The he says that my friends and family think we will some how to find our way back together.” I took a deep breath looked down and back up at Tyler here goes nothing. “ dammit Tyler I hate you so much. I hate that I’m still in love with you. I hate that when I saw your face I forgot how to breath. After almost a year of not seeing your face, it was like I saw you for the first tike again.” I wasn’t able to say anything else because Tyler walked up to me grab my face and kissed me.

It felt like fireworks were going off around us. Like the first time we kissed. This time had more emotion behind it.

“I’m so sorry for what I did. I should have never accused you of flirting when I knew that you wouldn’t do that. I never knew I could feel this way about someone. Then you walked into my life and everything changed. When you walked out of my life I lost a part of me. I lost my best friend.” Tyler places his head on my forehead while talking. “And he just start over please?”

I looked into his eyes and I couldn’t help but smile a little. “Tyler Paul Seguin if you break my heart again I will kill you.”

#Tyler Seguin #tyler seguin fanfiction #tyler seguin imagines #dallas stars #nhl #nhl imagines #nhl fanfiction #hockey #Hockey Fanfiction #hockey imagines

183 notes · View notes

lynningham · 4 years ago

Text

How About That Resume?

Series Overview: 2020 was quite a year. We’ll be talking about it forever. Right now, however, it is time to get everyone back to work. Job searching is a uniquely reaffirming personal journey to reclaiming one’s rightful place in the workforce, and this is the second installment in a series designed to support and strengthen your efforts. Feel free to reach out personally ([email protected]) if you have any questions or ideas about the kind of information you would find helpful.

Week Two: The Importance of a Strong Resume

In our rapidly-changing world, few things are as relevant today as they were a few years ago. Resumes however have stood the test of time. While there might be new formats to consider, new (and mostly unwritten) rules about what to include, what to leave out, etc., the bottom line is that you need one of these to move forward in your job search. So let’s figure out some ways to ensure that yours stands out from the crowd. With a small bit of thoughtful work, you can enter 2021 with a strong profile that represents The Very Best You.

Your resume is you on paper. It is sometimes the only thing a hiring manager will see as they decide whether or not to move you forward. So this part deserves your deepest attention. Yes, by all means list all those amazing roles and duties you have performed with an eye to showcasing your skills and experience. But don’t forget all those other myriad accomplishments that make you … well … You!

And what are some of these, you ask? For one, it is helpful if a bit of your personality and values shine through. Hiring managers are looking for people who will fit well into their companies almost as much as they are looking for people who can do the role. This is not discriminatory. This is an accurate understanding that some environments (for example - small, nimble, all-hands-on-deck, fast-paced vs. larger, more silo’d, less chaotic) are more desirable to and for some candidates than are others. And that’s what you want – to find a professional and cultural home that fits well with who you are and which aligns with your best self. When that match is properly made, the role will last. And it will be the best environment for learning and growing in your career.

So let’s look at some practical tips:

1. To “One Page” or Not? Somehow it became conventional wisdom that resumes should always fit neatly on one page. Is that accurate? The correct answer is sometimes. But not always. If you have extensive experience and skills that you want to showcase, I have never, and I mean absolutely never, seen a hiring manager throw out a resume because it was longer than a page. Perhaps a few applicant tracking systems are trained to discard those (although I can’t imagine why), but humans are not. So take the space you need. I promise.

2. To Write Your Own Resume or Not? OK, I was once just like you. A journalist by degree and training, I was confident of my own writing skills, and I misplaced that confidence when I extended it to resume writing. I truly felt that all a resume needed to be was well-written. Pretty. And of course, complete. But somewhere along the line, a wise friend advised me to seek professional help. For the resume, I mean, although during job hunting, we could all probably use a dose of therapy as well. But I digress.

I broke down and hired a resume writer, who also helped me match my LinkedIn profile to my resume so that I would present all my professional stories in the same professional way. And here was the payoff: I did of course expect that resume writer to help me with form and function. What I didn’t realize was that the added benefit of her ability to distance herself from my work and from my ego and from my waxing and waning confidence level as I trudged through the job search process would help me develop a much stronger story. The real benefits of hiring a resume writer are that they have some distance from your experience and that they do this job day in and day out. They study the current trends, they understand the formatting needed to get through applicant tracking systems, they know how to pick up on key words, and perhaps most importantly, they know how to draw from you all the accomplishments and skills and experiences that will help you move to the front of the line. They know much more than you or I about what this piece of paper should include, and they will guide you through a process you didn’t even realize existed. They are typically not expensive (they will cost less than the outfit we used to have to wear - before Zoom - to an interview), and you will be repaid handsomely with callbacks that might never have come otherwise.

A couple of services I recommend:

Aisha Spearman - https://workinggirlsresumeservice.com/

Blue Sky Resumes - https://www.blueskyresumes.com/

3. To LinkedIn or not to Link? Definitely link. Link your resume to LinkedIn, link your signature to LinkedIn, just link. Which means that once you have your resume in the beautiful new shape and format you want and need, make sure your LinkedIn page gets that same refresh. Whether you like it or not, LinkedIn is still the preferred candidate search tool for most recruiters, and the editing interface is really very simple to use. Take a nice professional photo (again I recommend spending a little money here if you can but if you can capture this piece on your own, that’s fine). A profile with a photo gets more attention than a profile without one, something I don’t really understand but I know it is true. And start liking other people’s posts, start building your network (500+ is the magic line you should definitely plan to cross), and start actively engaging with the community. This is a great place to gain exposure and to let people know you are open to work. The new LinkedIn designation that surrounds your photo is a high alert to recruiters to reach out to you. It is not visible to your company network but it is visible to recruiters across the country so there is minimal risk in adding that designation.

4. To be Transparent or Not? Covid has unexpectedly upended so many lives this past year. In years prior, a gap in a resume could be a red flag to a recruiter or a hiring manager. Why that is, again, isn’t totally clear to me as we all know that ending a job and finding a new job doesn’t always enjoy a speedy transition, but nonetheless, we’ve all been trained to view that quiet period of down time with at least a small degree of suspicion. The good news is that this year and well into next year, the gaps are not presenting any significant challenges or degrees of job hunting difficulty, as there is widespread and well-warranted understanding about the upheaval we’ve all been through. Tell the truth. Your story this year is not your fault, and your story is not unique.

5. To Wait and Wonder or Not? Choose not. During the down time, when many of you are so overwhelmed with working from home, helping children with schoolwork, navigating a world on Zoom, try to do just one great thing for the professional you. Choose one piece of your professional life that you always felt needed some TLC - and brush it up! If your writing skills need buffing, take a writing class. If you have industry certifications you always wanted to achieve, try to work on that now. You’ll be surprised at how good this feels. And then – in your new transparency you learned to embrace in #4 above - you have an achievement to talk with hiring managers about, you have something to add to your skills, and you have a new piece to polish up your resume. It’s a win win because whenever you move from inaction to action – in any way – it frees you at least momentarily from anxiety. That is worth its weight in gold.

There are a million more things I’d love to say about this, o.k. maybe a hundred or possibly ten, but the real goal of this piece is to focus your attention to how you are presenting yourself. The resume is a strong piece of this story so don’t skimp here.

And as you write this stronger representation of the work you’ve done and of who you really are in our professional world, I’d be surprised if you didn’t begin to feel a warm glow of accomplishment spread through your weary Covid-year bones. You’ve worked hard to get this far in your life, and with a little dedication to the process, you will soon be rewarded with a brand new and exciting job. You know what they say. Don’t give up before the miracle! You’ve got this.

1 note · View note

recentanimenews · 4 years ago

Text

Star Trek: Lower Decks – 09 – No Need For Theatrics

Ensign Mariner is in the midst of helping lizard people overthrow their oppressive masters (who also have a habit of eating them) and earnestly thinks she’s finally done something worthy of praise from her mom/captain, but Freeman isn’t having it, accusing Beckett of going against the Prime Directive.

Mariner vociferously protests in front of the aliens, and her mom orders her back to the ship, where she’s to report not to the brig, but somewhere even worse (to Mariner): therapy. Predictably, she makes no progress other than trashing a bonsai.

But when Boimler shows her a holodeck program of the Cerritos and near-perfect (and privacy-violating) approximation of its crew for the narrow purpose of practicing for an interview with the captain, it dawns on Mariner that the simulation could be used to work out her anger over her mom.

This results in one of the sendupiest good-natured sendups of Trek yet, this time focusing on the feature films. Appropriately, black letterbox bars appear to accommodate the wider aspect ratio and there’s suddenly a film grain and much more dramatic lighting and music. Boimler, Tendi, and Rutherford are all along for the ride, but only Mariner knows the script.

What’s hilarious is that interwoven within Mariner’s unofficial holo-therapy session, Boimler still tries to use the modified simulation to determine what to say to the captain during their interview, even interrupting her birthday jet-ski session reserved only for senior staff.

But when the Cerritos is given a mission (which Mariner notes would normally be given to the Enterprise), we get the full Star Trek: The Motion Picture dramatic starship flyaround, with some truly epic beauty shots of the ship in spacedock, while the bridge and corridors are also more cinematically lit (a contrast to the usual TNG-style even TV lighting).

The impostor ship the Cerritos investigates suddenly decloaks off their bow; it’s a klingon ship crewed by Mariner in her vengeful villainess persona “Vindicta” (a clear reference to Captain Proton’s Chaotica from Voyager).

Tendi somewhat reluctantly portrays an Orion pirate (as she’s not your usual Orion IRL), Rutherford is similarly unconvincing as a baddie, while Mariner simply replaced Boimler (still on the Cerritos) with a knockoff she quickly vaporizes (the first of many grisly deaths) to show she means business.

Vindicta & Co. board the Cerritos and a corridor firefight ensues. Boimler is about to learn from Ransom what the captain is allergic to, cookie-wise, when he’s shot and killed before he gets the words out.

As Mariner seemingly takes more and more sadistic glee in massacring simulations of actual Cerritos crew members, Tendi is put off and leaves the holodeck (as well as the letterboxed format!) Tendi does not think it’s okay for Mariner to play up the Orion pirate/slave stereotype, especially if it means offering her Shaxs’ Bajoran earring as a trophy…with part of his ear still on it.

Still very much reveling in her Vindicta character, Mariner has the Cerritos crippled and it careens through the atmosphere of the nearby planet and crash lands in some snowy mountains, a truly epic scene that references both the saucer crash in Star Trek: Generations (albeit at a differen saucer angle) and the crash from Voyager‘s excellent 100th episode, “Timeless”.

Rutherford, who like Tendi really isn’t into this whole villain thing, instead decides to use the program the way Boimler intended, to get more insight into his engineering chief. He even manages to create a program that systematically transports the entire crew to safety before the ship crashed, impressing his superior.

Vindicta ends up in the climactic fight with Captain Freeman, but it’s not as satisfying as she’d have liked, since Freeman character has no idea who Vindicta is. That’s when we get a very cinematic twist and the “real” Beckett Mariner appears to beam her mom to safety and duel Vindicta (shades of Kirk fighting himself in Star Trek VI).

Out on the planet surface, Boimler presents Freeman with some chocolate chip cookies on a blind gamble, but it turns out the captain is allergic to chocolate, and when Jet accuses him of trying to assassinate her, Freeman recommends Jet, not Boimler for promotion.

The two-Beckett fight ends in an apparent stalemate, but the one created by Boimler’s program never meant to win, only to buy time while the rest of the crew escapes and the self-destruct counts down. Vindicta (AKA the real Mariner) realizes that while sometimes she feels like blowing up the ship and stabbing her mom with a metal pole, at the end of the day she loves her mom, her friends, and her ship.

The self-destruct of the Cerritos ends the program. Mariner ends up making up with Tendi, Rutherford is unable to reach out to his superior, and most importantly, Mariner properly apologizes to her mom for how she acted with the Prime Directive-breaking. The movie transitions to a standard Trek All’s Well That Ends Well conclusion.

But that’s not all: when holo-Captain Freeman honors Ensign Mariner for sacrificing herself saving them, she no longer has any reason to conceal the truth: Mariner is her daughter. Believe it or not in all these nine episodes this is the first Boimler has learned of this! Unsure how to process the bombshell, he forgets his preparation and totally bombs in the interview with the captain. So he’ll remain an ensign for a little while yet.

As for Mariner’s movie, it ends a lot like Star Trek II, with a soft-landed photon torpedo tube in a lush jungle. But rather than a baby Spock, Vindicta rises and prepares for another round of bloody vengeance…only to be shot dead by holo-Leonardo da Vinci! That irreverent ending is followed by a more heartfelt homage, as the Lower Deckers’ signatures fly across the screen like those of the cast of Star Trek VI.

It all makes for a marvelously-detailed, deliciously indulgent homage-parody of Trek movies while still moving forward the serialized character elements in preparation for Lower Decks first season finale.

Stray Observations:

The cold open’s statue-toppling is a reference to the fall of the Saddam Hussein statue in Baghdad following the capture of the capital by coalition forces in 2003.

The vehicle used to pull down the statue is an ARGO, first seen in Nemesis.

The Cerritos therapist wears civilian clothes but has a Starfleet commbadge. He is also apparently a green hyperchicken, similar to the attorney in Futurama.

Voyager’s Captain Janeway often visited da Vinci’s workshop for advice and inspiration. He was played by Jonathan Rhys Davies, better known as Gimli (and the voice of Treebeard) from the LoTR trilogy.

That said, I love how the Cerritos’ Lower Deckers just do skeet shooting with him!

Mariner’s messing with Boimler’s program is reminicnet of Tom Paris and the Doctor’s dueling holo-novels in the Voyager episode “Author, Author”.

Mariner fills Vindicta’s early viewscreen dialogue with quotes from The Tempest, which is a nod to Klingon General Chang’s similar tendency throughout Star Trek VI.

The Cerritos’ warp effect is given more bells and whistles for the movie treatment, while there are numerous lens flares, a nod to J.J. Abrams’ lighting style in 2009’s rebooted Star Trek.

Shaxs mentions Pah-Wraiths, who were the evil version of the Prophets introduced in DS9.

In his engineering technobabble, Rutherford mentions both “sativa” and “indica”, the two major strains of marijuana.

Rutherford also explains how he was able to transport the whole crew to safety as the ship was crashing with the hand-waving line “It’s a movie! We can do whatever we want!” For good or worse, many of the movies did just that.

Due to technical difficulties, I had to take screenshots…with my phone.

By: sesameacrylic

#Anime #News #RABUJOI – An Anime Blog

3 notes · View notes

nobodyfamousposts · 6 years ago

Note

Story prompt: Adrien accidentally slips out that he knows Lila is lying to the class after Marinette changes schools. It is dead silent. It is broken by the snap of his nose when Alya punches him in fury

You should probably be more careful what you ask for, anon. But here goes:

Despite Adrien’s hopes, the situation after the Chameleon incident only continued to deteriorate. Lila was specifically targeting Marinette and since she had agreed with him on taking the “high road”, she had stopped trying to out any of Lila’s clearly obvious lies. This only ended up working against her as without any buffer, Lila was able to manipulate the class unhindered and everyone only seemed to fall for it hook, line, and sinker.

True to her good nature and stubborness, Marinette wouldn’t let Lila win. Regardless of the slowly losing battle, she did everything she could to help her friends and fend off the worst of Lila’s manipulations.

She was strong. She was confident. She was their Everyday Ladybug. She would keep trying, regardless of the stress and emotional harm it was causing.

Because Marinette always put others first. If it was for her friends, she would do anything, regardless of the effect on herself.

So it was perhaps either fortunate or unfortunate that her parents were not nearly so inclined to let her.

Tom and Sabine loved their daughter. They were good parents who wanted nothing but for her to be safe, healthy, and happy. With the way things were going, the current situation as it was going was none of those things. They were good parents who actually cared about their child, so of course they noticed. Marinette had been increasingly stressed, anxious, and unhappy due to the whole conflict. And her insistence on continuing to put herself through this for the sake of people who were showing themselves to be less than deserving of was really not something that they could support.

This school year had actually been the first that Marinette actually seemed excited about. She had finally had friends! And was able to stand up for herself to Chloe and others. She had becoming a star student and an amazing leader. They were so proud and happy for her. But they’ve had to sit by and watch as slowly but surely, Marinette’s feelings and her confidence were being stomped out and their daughter was once again being reduced to the wilting flower she had been.

They couldn’t simply stand by and let it happen. So they chose to do what was best for her to give her at least some peace and decided to transfer her to another school.

Marinette tried to argue, of course. She didn’t want to start over somewhere new. She didn’t want to leave her friends. There will be no one to protect them with her gone.

But Tom and Sabine were steadfast in their decision and had very little sympathy for those she was leaving in the web of lies.

It was sad. They had liked Marinette’s friends well enough, but if it came down to protecting their child or anyone else, the answer was obvious. The fact that her classmates had allowed themselves to be so thoroughly played didn’t garner the concern from them that Marinette clearly felt. As far as they were concerned, if her so-called “friends” were so willing to let themselves be turned against her over lies that should have been easily disproven had any of them bothered to look, then they clearly weren’t good friends and Marinette didn’t need to be around them.

There was no point trying to keep a relationship with them if she was the only one actually trying for it, they told her. And this was a toxic and negative situation that she really shouldn’t have to be facing alone.

“But I’m not alone! Adrien knows, too!”

Their looks of outrage told Marinette that was not the right thing to say. If there had been any doubt about completing the transfer, it was gone after that. As was any likelihood of her parents to allow Adrien anywhere near their daughter.

It was to a less than enthusiastic response by everyone except Lila that Marinette was forced to say goodbye to her now former classmates and start school elsewhere. For all of Marinette’s attempts to retain positive relationships with them, none of her former friends really seemed particularly sad to see her go with perhaps the sole exception of Adrien.

The rest simply shrugged it off, figuring the class would be much less stressful without Marinette there to accuse Lila of things and cause drama. And for a time, they were right. No more hangouts after school. No more helping Marinette deal with her over the top issues and feelings for Adrien. No more of Marinette trying to point out discrepancies and say mean things about Lila. No more Marinette to be jealous for no good reason.

And for a time, they were okay with it. All of them were. Except maybe Adrien, but since he never said anything, it was never an issue regardless.

So the days were spent with Lila spinning some new tale. Keeping herself the center of attention. Clinging to Adrien’s arm and trying to cajole him into asking her out. The class members each just going about their own thing. And nobody thinking of Marinette (or trying not to think of Marinette as the case may be).

But it was a couple of months after Marinette left that the threads of Lila’s web started to unravel.

Despite Lila’s assurances, Nino wasn’t seeing or hearing anything about a possible meeting with a Hollywood director that she promised.

Alya wasn’t getting anything further from Lila in regards to an interview with Ladybug. (And tried very hard not to think about the time Marinette had gone well out of her way to manage that)

For that matter, certain things she was saying about Ladybug seemed…off. Alya had figured she couldn’t really judge since Ladybug was so mysterious, but as a temporary Miraculous user who had worked with Ladybug in the past, there were things she was aware of that the common person wasn’t. And this meant that she started to notice some aspects of Lila’s stories about Ladybug just didn’t seem to fit.

Other classmates started to become unsettled as things Lila promised weren’t coming through.

And then Rose had gotten a letter from Prince Ali expressing confusion about who this “Lila” was.

From there, it snowballed. They started actually checking what Lila had been saying and it became more and more clear.

Lila had been lying the whole time.

Marinette had been telling the truth all along.

They lost a real friend to be replaced with a schemer who only sought to use them for her own ends.

They were upset. They were furious. They felt used.

The word spread and it wasn’t long before the entire class knew. They gathered before school one day to discuss the matter and deliberate on what to do.

Then Adrien entered, appearing confused by the presence of the rest of the class and the tension in the room.

They explained the situation. That Lila had been playing them all this time. They tried to break it to him gently, knowing that Adrien was a soft and hopeful person who wanted to see the best in others.

They didn’t expect him to say that he already knew.

It was only after he had spoken that Adrien realized those were the wrong words to say.

It was in the way the room immediately fell silent.

It was in the way his classmates were gaping at him in dawning horror.

There was a chuckle, nervous growing on hysterical. It took him a moment to realize the source was his normal calm best friend.

“Adrien…you’re joking, right?” Nino asked, shakily. “Please tell me that was just a joke.”

Adrien stared.

“I-I mean, it was a bad one, sure. Not very funny, but…it’s not actually true, right? You didn’t know what Lila was doing and just…not tell anyone, right?”

In that moment, Adrien wanted nothing more than to tell him what he knew he wanted him to say. But he couldn’t.

So he remained silent, just as he always had in the face of such conflict.

The silence was broken seconds later by a shriek of rage before pain exploded in his face where a vengeful Alya decked him.

“WHY YOU LOUSY, SORRY EXCUSE OF A—” She screamed, barely cutting herself off.

He stared up at her in shock. She…Alya had actually hit him?

“All this time—ALL THIS TIME! Marinette had been trying for YOU? And you just…you just LET THIS HAPPEN TO HER?!”

Adrien didn’t understand what she was getting at.

“I tried asking Lila before to stop!”

“Oh, well if you ASKED once, that’s enough?” Alya seethed.

“It didn’t fix anything! She just got angry and was akumatized. Trying to out her wouldn’t have made her change!”

Nino stared at him, looking almost broken. “Did you even stop to think that maybe this wasn’t about Lila?”

Adrien blinked in surprise.

“You could have told me. I would have listened to you, man. It at least would have saved me a lot of this heartache right now.”

The blond winced at that.

“It would have prevented a lot of what’s happened.” Alya muttered darkly, and Adrien knew her thoughts were fully on Marinette and the circumstances of her leaving.

This situation was messed up. He knew that. It had gotten much worse and gone much farther than he ever thought it would. Still, he felt the need to defend himself.

“Her lies weren’t hurting anyone!”

“Not hurting any—are you mental?!” Ivan asked, shocked.

“I’m feeling pretty hurt.” Kim stated, flatly.

“We all are.” Mylene confirmed.

“She played us.” Max said, looking grim. “She played us like we were fools and we fell for it. But you—you knew! And you chose not to say anything.”

“Outing her wouldn’t have helped things!” Adrien insisted, only to be greeted with shocked looks and incredulous stares.

“Are you serious? You actually didn’t think that maybe us at least knowing about it might have helped to prevent anything?” Alix demanded.

“I just…I didn’t see the harm.”

“Even to Marinette?” Came the quiet question from a very disappointed Rose and god, he’d never thought he could see Rose level such a sad look at him.

“I…she…”

“Something I’ve noticed…” Nathaniel said, finally speaking up from his position in the back and drawing everyone’s attention to him. “I’ve never commented on it because I didn’t feel it was my place to judge. But Adrien…you have a very irritating tendency to overlook or even condone horrible things people do over the feelings of their victims.”

“What? No! I don’t—”

“You do.” Nino interrupted, looking sick. “You didn’t out Chloe when she pulled the fire alarm. We all had to clean up her mess and the most you did was threaten not to be her friend anymore before taking it back just hours later.”

“You lectured Marinette for being happy when Chloe was leaving, even though you knew full well how Chloe had been treating her and that she had been treating her that poorly for years.” Alix cut in with a heated glare.

“And now this.” Nathaniel said with a nod. “Lila was lying. Marinette knew. You also knew and could have backed her up at any point. But you didn’t.”

“None of you exactly tried to look into things.” He said in his own defense.

“Oh, don’t you even try to deflect on this!” Alya snarled. “We didn’t KNOW Lila was lying. YOU did. You knew this and said nothing when she was manipulating us! And—” Her breath hitched and she looked away in shame. “And you knew when she started to target Marinette.”

He winced. “I couldn’t—”

That immediately brought her glare on him full force. If looks could kill…there wouldn’t be atoms left of him. “And you just let her! to MARINETTE!”

“I-I didn’t—”

“SHE LOVED YOU, DAMMIT!”

Adrien froze.

“…What?”

Alya clenched her fists, seething.

“All this time—ALL THIS TIME! She did SO MUCH for you! And no matter how badly it backfired or how much it hurt her, she kept trying FOR YOU.”

She…Marinette had…?

But Alya wasn’t done yet.

“You don’t think telling the truth is worth it? Well, here’s a few ‘truths’ for you, pretty boy!”

The other girls present gasped, realizing what she was about to do, but she didn’t waste any time to give anyone a chance to stop her. She just kept talking.

“Marinette agreed to go with you to the ice rink to help YOU on your date with Kagami despite being insanely in love with you. You didn’t even think about how she would feel, did you?”

He blanched. “S-she didn’t say anything—!”

“Of course she didn’t! Because each and every time she did anything with you, her only concern had ever been to make YOU happy! N—” She choked back a sob. “—No matter how much it hurt her to.”

“Alya, stop!” Rose pleaded.

“It’s not worth it.” Alix tried to convince her.

“LIKE HELL IT ISN’T!” Alya shouted with such fury that it had Adrien flinching back.

“A-Alya…”

“You want to know what else though?” Alya said with a downright vindictive sneer. “That birthday scarf of yours? The one you said your dad got you?”

Please don’t…

“MARINETTE MADE IT! She made it and tried to give it to you but your shit-show of a father STOLE IT!”

Adrien felt himself shaking. His eyes were wide in shock and pain because…that couldn’t be true, right?

“Then YOU came to school wearing it and praising your dad for giving it to you and she knew—Marinette KNEW what had happened but she kept quiet because AGAIN, it made YOU happy!”

“I…” He choked. “I didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t! You never bothered to! You never bothered to know her or anything outside of your perfect little sunshine world!” Alya raged. “And I kept quiet because it’s what Marinette wanted, but Marinette isn’t here anymore and it’s YOUR FAULT!”

“Alya, stop!” Nino shouted, stepping in-between them and resting both hands on her shoulders in an attempt to calm her.

It was an attempt that made absolutely no difference, as Alya merely shifted to look over his shoulder and past Nino right to Adrien with the worst expression he’d ever seen.

“Hell, you’re only even in school now because Marinette took the fall for YOU and told your dad she was the one who took his stupid missing book!”

Adrien felt his blood turn cold.

“Do you know what that could have done? Just how badly Gabriel could have RUINED her and any future she could have hoped to have if he felt like it? All for something she didn’t even do! Again, just to make YOU happy!”

“I…I…”

“From her time and effort to her very heart, she put so much on the line for you!”

She hissed and stepped back, seeming to finally lose the fire that had kept her going this long as she whispered pitifully, just loud enough for him to hear:

“And you never deserved her.”

The room fell into silence. No one could say anything after that. Alya spun on her heels and stormed out. Nino chased after her. One by one, the rest followed.

And Adrien was left standing there alone in the empty classroom.

1K notes · View notes

strangerontheotherside84 · 5 years ago

Text

Wild Child (Billy Hargrove x Reader) part 3

Warnings: lots of swearing, road rage, that’s it I guess?

„Steve, if you keep running your fringers through your hair like that you’re gonna be bold by lunchtime.“

„Don’t say that! My hair is the best about me.“ your friend replied, removing his hand from his head, putting it in the frontpocket of his jeans while tapping the wall next to him with his fingers.

„I’m sure there might be other stuff.“ you chuckled.

„I’m just so nervous about that job interview today.“

„For that summer job?“

„Yeah…I really need it.“

„I’m sure it’ll be fine. I mean..you sure know a lot about ice cream.“ you tried to cheer him up, playfully hitting him in the shoulder.

„Oh by the way. Is your car working again?“

„Yeah my uncle fixed it yesterday. Was just one of the spark plugs. Why?“

„Could you maybe pick me up at the mall tonight? My dad thought it would be a very good idea to seize my car keys due to the lack of scholarships… and all the rejected college applications. But on the other hand he’s forcing me to get this job for which I’ll need a car…so..?“ „Yeah alright I’ll pick you up. When?“

„Thanks (y/n) you’re a real lifesaver. Somewhere around 7 or 8 should be fine I guess. By the way how was your weekend. Didn’t you go to a concert or something?“

„It was uh…a lot! I’ll tell you when I drive you home tonight.“ You definitely didn’t have the nerves to go through that desaster of a night right now. Especially not on a monday morning.

„HEY (Y/L/N)!“

The sound of this voice was enough to make you roll your eyes and let out a loud sigh. „What Hargrove?“ as you turned around Billy was already right in front of you resting his left arm against the locker above your head while looking down at you.

„Looks like you forgot something in my car saturday night.“ Oh that’s what all the yelling was about, he wanted to get everybody’s attention to embarass you as much as possible.

„What? My dignity?“ you snapped back.

„No not quiet.“ Billy mumbled, smirking down at you. He opened his right hand in front of your face, revealing one of the earrings you had been wearing that night.

Fuck!

Oh how much you wanted to say that this wasn’t yours, in order to not grant that absolute dickhead the satisfaction of making everyone in the hallway think that he had finally managed to win you over. But sadly those little red and blue lightning bolts were your favorite pair. You had been looking for the other one all sunday, finally comming to the realization that you must have lost it at the show. A version which you would actually prefere at this moment.

„You win this round Hargrove.“ you growled as you took the earring from his hand causing him to chuckle as he licked his lips. „But don’t you think that I’ll let you get away with this bullshit.“

As you turned aways, quietly cursing to yourself you locked eyes with Steve who had been standing next to you this whole time looking at you in complete disbelieve.

„Steve! Come on! AS IF!“

„Ok ok…wouldn’t have thought so.“ he chuckled raising his hands in defense, „But I still wanna know how you got into that weirdos car.“

„Told you I’ll tell you later.“

„Last call for Steve Harrington. Your chauffeur has arrived.“ You greeted your bestfriend as you stopped the black Dodge Charger in front of the yet to be opened mall. Steve was wearing a big smile on his face, as he walked towards your car, giving you the thumbs up.

„Congratulations Mr. Harring- What the hell do you have there?“

„Ice cream. They’ve given me free samples in order to welcome me to the Scoops Ahoy family.“ Steve stated proudly as he made himself comfortable in the passenger seat, placing the big paper bag on the dashboard.

„They’ve given you ice cream? In December?“

„Genious isn’t it? Like that it won’t melt on the way home.“ „As if it would last until you’re home.“ You chuckled as you stepped on the gas in order to make your way back to Hawkins.

„Now tell me.“ Steve began while trying to unwrap the ice cream bowl without getting anything on your seats. Not that you would have cared, your car was always a bit of a mess. „How come that you drove around with Billy this weekend? Did you loose a bet?“

„Alright alright…make yourself comfortable my dear friend and enjoy this absolute trainwreck of a story…“

„And that’s how I ended up driving home with that cocky fuck. The end.“ you concluded your story „Liked it?“

„Well it explained a lot but I personally would have expected a lot more blood and violence.“ Steve replied evaluative, still being very busy with that huge sundae.

„Well you know how they say-“ before you could end your sentence you were suddenly cut off by another car emerging out of the dark, causing you to hit the brakes. „FUCK!“

You knew damn well whose car that was. Without further hesitation you put your foot down causing the engine to rev. „Wait for it motherfucker…“ you mumbled to yourself while following the midnight blue Camaro down the dark road.

„Uhm (y/n)?“ Steve began carefully, clinging his free hand on to the dashboard. „Don’t you think you’re going a little fast?“

„Shh Steve! I know what I’m doing.“ you silenced him, turning up the radio which was blasting Metallica’s Four Horsemen.

You could finally see the rear lights as well as that californian license plate getting closer and closer.

You kept flashing your headlights while driving closely behind the Camaro, suddenly changing to the oncoming lane and stepping on the gas once more.

Yeah bitch guess what, you’re not the only one with a fast car in Hawkins.You began to smirk.

„You’re going to overtake him or what?“ Steves voice was a bit shaky at this point. You didn’t answer. Instead you kept driving on the lane next to the Camaro, now being on a level with your Dodge.

You quickly looked to the side and catched a glimpse of Billy Hargrove with some girl that you had seen around at school before. Even in this short moment you could see that his eyes were burning with anger as he stepped on the gas, preventing you from overtaking him.

Well, same, asshole. You thought.

„Steve roll down the window!“ you demanded, eyes focused on the dark street looking out for oncoming traffic. You could spot the headlights of a truck in the distance.

„What?“

„STEVE WINDOW!“

Your best friend did as he was told while mumbling something along the lines of „Oh this isn’t good…we’re definitely gonna die…oh yeah…“.

„Steve?“

„Yeah?“

„I’m sorry but I need this.“

Before he could ask what you meant by that you grabbed the ice cream bowl from Steve’s hands, keeping a hold of the steering wheel with your left leg as you leaned over and tossed the bundle towards the Camaro.

You could hear breaks squeeking as you quickly moved yourself back into your seat, smashed your foot on the gas and cut Billy off, just before the truck driving towards you would get too close.

„Well thanks for not killing us but I guess I’ll take the bus next time.“ Steve mumbled while nervously running his fingers through his hair.

„WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU BITCH?“ the voice of Billy Hargrove was roaring across the parking lot in front of Hawkins High as he made his way towards you. You were sitting on the hood of the Charger having a smoke before you would head home.

„Well I can only return that.“ you scoffed unimpressed. There were only a few things that scared you and High School boys with anger issues definietly weren’t one of them.

„MY CAR ALMOST GOT WRECKED YOU FUCKING WHORE!“

„Oh, were you also cut off by some asshole who had to show his new grilfriend what a big, bad guy he is?“

„Not my grifriend.“ Billy replied his voice now low and humming, stopping directly in front of you.

„Not the part I care about.“ you answered, flicking your cigarette on the ground.

„What are you on your fucking period or somethink like that?“

„Nope just being my usual bitchy self as you like to call it.“

„You think this is a joke huh?“ the curly haired boy growled moving even closer to your face while resting his hands on the hood of your car between your legs.

„Do you?“ You didn’t shirk from his look, staring directly into his radiant blue eyes which were almost swallowed by his pitch black lashes.

„Fuck you…“ he mumbled, his low voice quavering aggressivly as he took a few steps back.

„You know what (y/n)?“Billy shouted „Maybe you just need a good fuck.“

„Well don’t we all?“ you replied with a wink. As soon as the words had left your mouth you could hear a disgusted wheezing followed by a bunch of girls whispering.

„Oh come on Tina get it together.“ you snapped at one of the girls standing by, who was shaking her head at you.

Fucking prude.

„Maybe some of the pretty boys outside of town can help you with that.“ Billy yelled across the parking lot, as he turned away from you to storm of towards his car.

„Yeah I’ll save you some!.“ you shouted back while flipping him off. „Go blow your dad you mullet wearing asshole!“

„WHERE DO YOU TWO THINK YOU ARE?“ Oh shit. Everybody frooze at the sound of the front door of Hawkins High swinging open followed by the roaring voice of Mr. Jenkins. Your headmaster.

„BOTH OF YOU! BACK IN HERE! DETENTION!“

„What? Can’t this be viewed as some sort of extracurricular activity?“ Oh god why couldn’t you just for once keep your fucking mouth shut?

„NOW!“

You gowled as you picked up your stuff and headed back into school.

„Thanks (y/l/n), well done.“ Billy hissed as he pushed past you.

#billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove x y/n #stranger things imagine #steve harrington #fanfic #wild child part 3

50 notes · View notes