#sometimes you gotta take matters into your own hands ig

[gaydiation-poisoning]

Okay,

[b0mblover]

Greed makes me sick. 

By: J

Woo fucking hoo, gotta love projection! (this was 100% self indulgent, idk how well it actually works with jiro but! Oh fucking well! At least im getting smth done ig) 

Cw; Selfharm, Suicide Ideation, Jiro generally being unhealthy, awful writing

Once again; sorry for your eyes, goodluck

Jiro laid in his bed, glancing at the clock on his phone every so often, around 21:34. Mindlessly scrolling through some of his friends' accounts, he never wanted to admit it, but he does in a way enjoy ‘stalking’ his friends, “friends” being mostly of people he's never met or talked to a day in his life, but that's never really mattered to him. 

Usually it's just to catch up on everything, ‘oh they finally got married’ etc. boring stuff, but why the hell not. 

But other times like today, it made him want to throw up. He was happy for them, sure, but there was a disgusting jealousy spreading throughout his chest, traveling down his esophagus, down to his stomach, and setting there. He’s felt it before, the first few times it happened, he thought he literally had to throw up, resulting in him essentially purging to get the feeling out; it didn't ever work. He gave up on trying, it usually went away on its own, just how long would it take was the question. Minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years. It was all a possibility. The longer he felt it, the worse it became. He’d liked to say that it started off slowly, but it never did. Usually the first thing he jumped to was ‘I'll never be like them, no matter how hard I try, so what's the point in living?’ He wished he could say it was irrational, but it just wasn't. He knew due to one reason or another, he couldn't be like them, no matter how hard he tried, no matter for how long he never gave up. He would always fail. He wished he could also say that he had no desires, that would be a lie too. Seeing people do what you've wanted to do for years of your life, that you never came close to doing, so easily, it hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It. Hurt. and he wished he could say it didn't. He wished something so very mundane didn't hurt. He hated jealousy, he hated greed, perhaps that's why it hurt so much more. Because he was a hypocrite. It's not like he wished that they weren't able to do that, he just wanted to be able to do it too.  

Jealousy, is an odd word. People always assume that if you are jealous- that you wish ill on whoever you’re jealous of. But that couldn't be further from what he felt. Sometimes, it was tiring to constantly work and work for something others have so easily, that you'll never get. Why does life deal such shitty hands to people who care? Or is it the other way? Shitty hands in life make you care? Either way, it still made him sick.  

Somedays, he got off easy, he knew it's not their fault, sometimes motivated by a ‘you'll get there someday, you just have to keep trying’. Days like this though, that wasn't the case. Trying is pointless, not that he just feels like it, but it is. No amount of trying or wishing will ever work. Shitty hand remember? So if he couldn't do what he wanted, what was the point in living? Maybe he was crazy, fucking insane even, no one talks about this sort of thing, there's probably a reason, right?  

He sat up on his mattress, took a look at his phone, then tossed it across the room. He would’ve thrown it, but he didn't see a point in breaking the phone or wall if he was angry. He wasn't even angry either, just like there was a hole in his chest where his heart should be, and that hole was filled with bile.  

He looked down and stared at his hands, disgusting. Failure. He was a failure. He had good grades, sure, but it really didn't mean anything. Grades are just numbers, and numbers that didn't matter to him. If When he gets older, he's probably not going to be sitting on his deathbed thinking about how he got a 100% on a math quiz. But this?  

He stood up and walked over to his ‘desk’, clean for 4 months at the simple request of a friend. It's not like she’d know or find out if he did it. Well, unless he couldn't keep his mouth shut as usual. Even if she did find out, would she care? Would she even remember what was said? Ha. Maybe she’d tell him how pathetic he was, unable to go past a small styro, he is really pathetic, so it’d be fitting.  

Even if she somehow did ‘care’ as much as she said, wouldn't it be tiresome? That was one of the main reasons he stopped in the first place, taking care of people, even if you love them can be tiresome. So she was bound to get tired and bored of it. She’d probably grow to not care, part of him wanted that.  

He admittedly fantasizes thinks about what would've happened if he hadn't stopped, more than he should. 

Maybe she’d grow annoyed of his break/melt downs, maybe she'd make fun of him instead, he couldn't really blame her either way. Part of him wanted her to grow bored of him, but the other selfish part, hated the idea. Even now, he considered reaching out “You don't have to suffer alone, I’m always here, you’ll never annoy me.” but..  

He appreciated it, but it probably wasn't meant for something like this. What was the point? It wasn't like he was gonna kill himself, no matter how badly he wanted to. Sure, it wasn't a necessarily ‘healthy’ coping mechanism, but. It's not like he could do much damage anyways right? This was just like scratching himself when he was pissed off, not healthy, but what could anyone do? It didn't really hurt, so what would be the point in taking it away?  

Without caring enough to think it through, he picked up the blade, and sliced through the mid of his forearm. It stung. More than usual, but who even cares. He spun his chair around, then sat down. He brought the blade to his arm again- he really was pathetic, wasn't he? Slice- even if someone for some reason cared- slice- it's not like they should, he was pathetic and needy- slice- maybe some people in this world are supposed to die? Or suffer at least- slice- but, he didn't really want anyone else to suffer. If he met someone just as himself, would he hate them too? Or would he take pity? Slice- He smiled. His arm felt weak. Hand shaky. No one was coming to save him. No one knew of what he’d done. No matter what, he’s always alone. He deserved it.  

He stared at his arm for a few minutes, the deepest he’s ever cut, after not even 5 minutes, it looks pathetic again. God he's stupid. What if she somehow does find out? She wouldn't outwardly say how pathetic he is, she wasn't that type of person. She’d probably show some sort of concern. Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck FUCK. She’ll probably show some sort of care, attention. He didn't want that. Great. Now it looks like he did it all just for attention! Fucking wonderful.  

He glanced at his phone that had been lazily thrown on the floor, part wishing someone messaged, anyone, but dreading having to respond. No matter how much he loved them, responding right after this thing, he always seemed off, too off. 

He took a breath, trying to collect what little of himself was left. He should get something to drink. Yeah, that’ll probably make him feel at least a bit more level-headed.  

But there again, he is a waste of space, failure, etc. he’s heard most of the names by now mostly from himself but that didn't matter, does he really deserve something as simple as drinking? Even basic things do cost money, even if just a few cents. Why waste it on himself? But his throat is so dry still,,  

He walked out of his bedroom, hitting his face on the door, forgetting it was very muchly locked, precaution. He wanted to lash out, take every bit of anger out on it but then…. Nothing. Numbness. He didn't even have a good reason to feel angry. It was his fault anyways. He took a deep breath, unlocked the door, and walked out.  

Walking to the kitchen, slower than usual, he started to wonder again with how he was going to hide his awful wonderful misdeed. Makeup worked.. Well honestly for him it worked awfully. Nothing ever seemed to match in all lighting, plus that was only really an option for scars, tactile cuts didn't really improve much when paired with a powder or creme (?? sorry idk), plus it could run the risk of infection. Right? He's never seen anything warning against it so maybe not? But putting something that has chemicals like that into a cut, it didn't seem correct. Considering what minuscule things could cause infection. Not that he'd mind getting infected and slowly, painfully dying. He just didn't like the look generally.  

What could he do then? Wear a jacket like normal, sure, but she always finds out somehow. Gods know how, not him, but somehow. He could bandage it sure, but that ran the risk of even more questions, it wasn't exactly news that he didn't care about proper ‘aftercare’ like that. Sure, not properly covering it, cleaning the blade etc. could cause infection, but.. Well. He didn't have any excuses, he was just biased in some ungodly way that he never noticed right until that very moment! (Large cough. H e l p.) 

Grabbing a random cup, he decided to just tough it out like usual. Try to not show his arm in any setting but not be weird about it, try to act normaler than usual, sure it’ll suck, but it's between that and in his mind, ‘looking like an attention seeker’. He poured out what wasn't even 1/4th of a cup of water into the cup. His throat was just dry, it's not like he'd die from dehydration any time soon. Sure, he's human, doesn't that mean he just needs the absolute minimal amount of care? Hell, this couldn't even be considered minimal! He has a roof over his head, water, food, there's so much more he could go without, gods he's selfish huh? He sat down his empty glass beside the sink, very quietly laughing under his breath, pathetic, wasn’t it? He’s so selfish, he has it well, yet he acts like he has nothing! What more could he ask for in life? Stability? What a joke. He should really be more grateful. 

He stared at the glass glass beside him, staring into his distorted reflection. Well, at least there was always a way to fix it all. In the back of his mind, he was always running though, listing off methods, quickest, easiest, cheapest, messiest, etc. No matter how hard he tried, he’d never figured out the ‘perfect suicide’ in his own eyes. 

Though, recently, a method stuck his eye. Nitrogen gas. He’d heard it takes one out quickly, but makes them struggle and suffer beforehand. Perfect for himself. No time to back out because of how quickly it takes you, pain before death, he’d never wanted a peaceful one. It was near perfect. But one of the main issues was managing to get any. Or get around any in general. (little did Jiro know; he was only a few letters off from his actual suicide; that being Nitroglycerin!)  

But, he doubted it was realistic, for reasons already stated, so he was stuck with whatever other incredibly fucked method he inevitably decides on. It's not like he probably will anytime soon either, no matter how much he wants to. He walked back to his room, flopping down as soon as he was close enough for at least his face to hit the mattress. Thud totally comfortable.  

He stood up once again, actually closing his door this time. Then sitting on the bed properly, right, shit, his phone. No, no one probably texted, they're all busy. What can only be described as a mantra he mentally spoke, trying his best to not get his hopes up and what left of his heart shattered, even if he was always deep-down hoping, begging for any sort of message.  

He walked around to the far wall, and picked up his phone, quickly turning it around, anticipation and tension always left more room for disappointment. He seen the messaging app icon and- no one. A stupid update reminder. He’d rather’ve seen absolutely nothing than that. But whatever, they're busy, she's busy. He reminded himself, trying to subside the constant idea that they all fucking loath him for everything that he's ever done. But it's probably true though right? Of course it is. They all hate him. No matter how close, they all do. He’ll never change, will he? Why even bother at this point, he loved talking to them all sure, but why do they bother to talk to him? Pity? Perhaps. A disgusting feeling crept back up into his stomach and esophagus, it unknowingly had disappeared some minutes ago. Not like it mattered now. He tossed his phone to the side of his bed, on the ground, not bothering to charge it. It's not like anyone will message anyways. He's an idiot, everytime, everyday, why does he still feel such anticipation anyways? The answer didn't matter. He was tired. He didn't want to sleep, he hadn't gotten anything done, hell he was bored. But he had no energy to do anything. Just because of some stupid post. Sensitive. Weak. Pathetic. Why was he even still here? He's just dead weight to everyone he meets. What is the point. 

He laid there, he didn't know for how long, it didn't matter, he heard a door shut, they're back. He couldn't talk to them or face them like this. No. He’ll fake sleeping, maybe he’ll fall asleep in the process, that'd be nice, or if he never woke up, both seem ideal to him. 

He laid on his stomach, right arm obscuring his face, left in a weak fist. It was a default ‘I swear I'm asleep’ pose, shockingly comfortable too!  

Staring at the back of his eyelids, repeating bright colours and vague shapes started appearing, in a way it always felt a bit soothing, it was always there for him.  

Even when he wasn't there for himself. 

[bonny-kookoo]

Jimin: No Type 🔞

"I'm serious- you're tired of being a boy-toy, and I'm tired of wasting my time, so let's date." You tell him, and for some reason, he agrees. He doesn't know why because technically you're absolutely not his type- but it doesn't matter, because the love that blooms between the two of you makes it all worth it.

Tags/Warnings: dog groomer!Reader, Choreograph!Jimin, bratty! Reader, brat tamer!Jimin, Dom!Jimin oops, fluff, smut, a bit of angst too but you gotta squint and put glasses on ig

"Yeah but what I'm trying to say is-" you start, scoffing when Jimin takes a fry from your plate. "-that Hannah wasted a perfectly good batch of cookies by leaving the package open. They turned all stale and soft.." You say, playfully slapping his hand when he reaches for your food again.

"I mean," He starts, glaring at you in a warning that makes you retract your hand from hitting his again, albeit with a pout. "She probably didn't mean to. Why are you so mad about it baby?" He chuckles, stealing a chicken nugget from you as you whine.

"Because those were yours!" You exclaim. "You bought me those, remember? So I can snack while at work?" You say. He nods, and grins.

This is what he's come to learn about you. People think of you as such a confident, loud and chaotic person, but once you both started genuinely dating, he's come to see so many more sides to you. You're soft at heart, and while you can sometimes come off as a bit rough, you truly care about the people you love.

Him, for example.

While he'd been very unsure at first about your intentions, unable to quite believe that you were serious when asking him out one night, he'd come to learn that you're actually a very sweet person. He remembers your first kiss, pressing his lips onto yours after you'd excitedly told him about how you'd seen him on YouTube now, happy about his success. He couldn't help himself back then, and it got even better after seeing your red face afterwards, shyness consuming you as you'd suddenly made up an excuse about your snake at home having to get fed, rushing out.

You later texted him a several line long apology, assuring him that you did actually like what he did, but that you're awkward as hell and your snake actually did need a bit of attention or it would've been sad. It was easier for you to convey certain emotions and intentions via text, having a safe distance between you two- and you also sometimes cut contact down completely when you got too upset, something he'd been not that happy about in the past. It had been a nasty habit of yours; rather hiding away than risk hurting him by saying something you don't mean.

Because you know what that feels like- having been hurt by words in the past way too often.

He also remembers the first time.. together with you.

He remembers the first time you'd invited him over, the terrarium of your snake (Franklyn, or Frank for short, mistakenly named with a male name after her past owner just didn't bother checking), and how careful you'd been with your pet. It had been a huge thing for him to be close to an animal like this- but for you, he'd jumped over his own shadow, your happy face worth it all the way.

He remembers that time he'd picked you up from work; watching as you were cuddling a giant Saint Bernard with a grin on your face, so sweet and cute that he couldn't help but fall for you even further than he'd already done.

He'd been very unsure about it at first, still somewhat hesitant- but then you'd sat in front of him, all shy and hesitant, and as you told him just so.. raw and unmasked how you'd felt about him, he knew that this was actual love. He'd broken down the last wall inside of him that night, letting you inside his heart all the way while he lost himself in the feeling of you.

Ever since then, you both had been attached at the hip.

He'd become quite fond of you; learning how to handle you to make sure you didn't step out of line as often as you used to. He was getting pretty good at keeping you in check these days, not intimidated by your attitude anymore after slowly learning that you're all bark and no bite- at least with him. It funny enough only took a simple glance of his to silence you if needed, and while you yourself always commented that he was being unfair and mean, friends around you were convinced that it was the cutest thing ever.

They all have made it into an inside joke that Jimin is probably getting dommed by you in the bedroom.

Something that's absolutely hilarious to him, considering the situation you're in right after that small date today; underneath him, while he presses himself against your back, arched in pleasure as he holds you close. You're whining,breathing heavily, but you don't dare tell him to move-

Because at the end of the day, he calls the shots.

He doesn't say a thing, doesn't need to, as he simply smiles against your neck, placing kisses against the skin there that made you shudder. Only then does he move again, effortlessly bringing his hips back and forth in a rhythm he seems fit. You're grabbing the sheets in your hands, fists holding them tightly as he reaches over to place his own hands over yours, engulfing them in a comforting manner.

Your head is empty, only filled with him, and nothing else.

"So pretty." He comments, as he presses his lips against your neck, making you whimper out as you struggle to stay upright. So you let yourself fall forwards, last orgasm having ended up taking all your strength away as you breathe heavily. "Too much?" He asks, uncaring about his own pleasure as he checks up on you.

And so you do.

You simply nod, opening your mouth and he knows you're about to apologize. "Don't." He warns, getting up to walk into the bathroom- probably to get something to clean you up with. You don't notice, barely awake, as he chuckles and smiles, giving you a comforting glance. "You can sleep baby, I'll handle everything." He promises, and you know he will. You trust him.

[swtki]

HP Boys: Surprise Pregnancy Head Cannons

Summary: The HP boys and their reaction to their s/o (afab) being pregnant when its not planned.

A/N: This takes place post Hogwarts so all characters are 18+, though no real smut happens in this so its not an 18+ fic.

WARNINGS: UNPLANNED PREGNANCY, MENTIONS OF PRO CHOICE OPINIONS, MENTIONS OF SEX IN LITE TERMS, SWEARING, FLUFF, MENTIONS OF ALCOHOL, ALSO THIS IS SUPER LONG SORRY LOL

Draco

So everything is going great for the happy couple, you two just moved into a flat together and are working normal jobs, drinking wine like adults.

And sure, Draco knows he wants to marry you, but he knows you’re not ready to settle down like that so he just plans and dreams.

Due to poor choices, when you’re late by two weeks, you know what it probably is.

Draco doesn’t even notice that you ran out to the store and came back and hid in the bathroom for 10 minutes. CEO of minding his own business ig

You just kinda...walk up to him and hand him all 3 tests while your eyes fill with tears because what if he demands you get an abortion?

Or what if he fucks off to god knows where?

But instead he just looks at you with the most un-draco like smile. Like his face was soft and it looked like he could cry any moment.

“Oh my god,” He says, putting his hand on your belly, “I can be ready for this, but if you aren’t then we can you know...”

“No, I want it” then both of you rejoice bc yay baby!

Cut to 6 months later when your feet hurt so bad you have to lay down and watch while Draco fails to put a crib together.

He eventually gets it done tho.

And when the time comes, he’s built and arranged everything for your bundle of joy.

Harry

So you guys are probably already married, but with everything at the ministry going on, it makes Harry less than a family man.

You both agree that it’s probably better to wait so you can be home and yk...raise it.

Well smart man Harry forgets that to not have a kid you need to use protection.

So of course when your period is late you don’t think about it, until its four weeks late.

That night, you and Harry are laying in bed, and thats when you tell him.

“Harry..I’m late.”

“Late for what?” headass.

You: 😳😐

Him: 👁👁😲😲

He’s hesitant to say anything, because he knows its ultimitley up to you what happens with it until its out.

“I think I want to keep it...you know it wont remember much for the first year and a half so if things are stressful it will be okay and-“

“Love...Its going to be perfect”

Mf built the crib in like 45 minutes I swear.

And of course he forced you to keep up with your vitamins, pre natal care, and appointments.

Swear tho you’re about to kill him because cofFeE

But the way he holds your baby 🥺 its his most valued thing ever now.

Ron

Ron is iffy on the kid thing sometimes.

He does want them, but only later when you guys have lived and travled.

So no, you two haven’t planned nor is it even in the picture when your wedding roles around.

It’s in the early days of the marriage when you see his family at the burrow on the way back from the honeymoon.

And of course Molly knows

Because Weasleys are hyperfertile I swear.

She takes you into the kitchen and puts her hands on your arms, shes got that big Mrs.Weasley smile on too.

“I knew it!” She says and pulls you in for a hug, “How far dear??”

You’re just standing there like🧍🏻

“I can see it by the way you glow! Oh my you and my Ron must be so happy!” This woman doesn’t notice that you’re confused.

“Wait what? Mrs. Weasley what are you-?” Then you count the days, “Oh. Well I guess I just found out for myself”

Her face falls slightly, but then she tells you can make you a potion that will tell you if you are or not, stan.

The stupid potion turns green when you spit into it, so everything is confirmed.

That night, you and Ron are getting ready for bed in the guest room and you decide to tell him.

“Ron, sweetie. We need to talk.” He looks like he’s gonna start crying but sits next to you on the bed.

“Y/N...I know its scary but please, we just got married I don’t want to divorce quite just yet 🥺🥺”

“Ron I-“ you start smiling, “I’m pregnant you dufus.”

He just freezes, for a while. Not saying anything, he just looks at the wall with his mouth ajar.

So you get up and go to Ginny.

“Gin, I broke him.”

“Ew, I don’t want to know about how you and him”

“No, I told him that I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, yeah that would do it. Just I don’t know... Give him a minute?”

You give him several, getting a glass of water then heading back up to the room.

Ginny was right, he needed a minute.

“I don’t...I wasn’t...you were.?”

“You don’t have to stay, but I think we can do it. Plus, you would disapoint your mom if you left so...”

“Okay...we’ll do it. I’ll be the best damn Father you have ever seen.” He says, talking to your womb.

Well...he’s a father I’ll give him that.

Pro of having a Weasley baby: free crib thats already put together.

Even if it looks like a death trap.

“We’ll put some blankets over it don’t worry”

You know how some Dads hold their parters hand during the delivery? Yeah he got sick and was moral support from the outside.

To be fair, you weren’t screaming in pleasure by any means.

Scary. But beautiful.

He shows the kid to everyone, he might be more in love with the baby than he is with you.

Ron see’s the appeal of having kids now.

Neville

Moving in with your boyfriend is always fun, right up until you guys go at it so much you forget protection more than once.

You think about it, then move on with your day.

Until the doctor calls, then “oh fuck”

Romance Neville bf

“Why aren’t you having any wine? I thought it was your favorite?”

“I don’t think fetal alcohol syndrome is my favorite.” BRO HE SPAT

But he looks up with tears in his eyes, and runs over to you to grasp you in a hug.

“Oh my god! You’re pregnant! Oh my - We’re gonna be parents!! Oh my god we’re gonna be parents oh-“ Que you petting his hair till he’s calm again.

Lets be honest, this man probably swapped the herbology books for the parenting guides.

“Well I mean I’m just wondering if we should go with this color or this one”

“Nev, it doesn’t matter. Our baby will not care.”

“I read in my book that Infants actually can recognize mood in-“

He won’t let you do anything during your pregnancy.

Gotta love a man who cries because he loves you so much and you’re having his kid.

“I never had a father, what if I do it wrong? What if the baby hates me and runs away at seven?”

“We’ve got quite a lot of time before then.”

He was there during delivery, letting you crush his hand like a champ.

You can’t help but cry when you see him sleeping on the floor next to the crib, its so sweet.

Fred

You two most likely already had two kids, so you decided to wait a bit so your hands weren’t quite full.

Well...your body decided not to wait.

A test provides the two lines, another wild child.

The two toddlers already run around like thing one and thing two, only with red hair.

I think Fred would gladly make the family dinner, and wear an apron. He’d own it, as he should.

But mf gotta not drop the salad bowl when you tell him of the fetus inside you.

“Fred we are going to have a bee-ay-bee-why.”

Your five year old has just begun to spell 😐

He’s happy tho.

Like over the fuckin moon.

He buys the two kids big brother/sister shirts too 🥺🥺

He knows the drill pretty well, so he isn’t too worried about the future.

But its funny that he still freaks out about the crib and feeding chair since he gave it away, you know because you guys werent having another kid.

He packed a hospital bag and kept it in the trunk, counting down the days.

Hours of delivery (He just sat back and held your hand) only to end up with a room full of 7 Weasley family members.

Fred always said that 3 was his lucky number :)

George

You guys were taking it slow, no marriage until you both felt it was time. And certainly no children before that.

Well you know...things changed when the test was positive.

You slid it over on the table, tears pooling in your eyes. He was stunned and quiet, which made you burst out sobbing because you knew that neither of you planned on having a baby.

But to your surprise he starts to smile.

“I want whatever you want, I’m staying by your side no matter what.”

“I mean...would it really be so bad? A house, a kid, a dog?” He holds your hand as you think aloud.

You both give it a week to think it over and the virdict is to keep it.

Thats when he decides he has to marry you, asap because he loves you and will never let you go especially now.

He loves to gush about the carrier of his child, to him you are a godess.

He’s the Dad with a predestination complex.

“Y/N, I just see him being a star quiditch player”

“George, we don’t know if it’s a him.”

He rolls his eyes “Okay then I can see her being a star-“

He made Hermione take you out for a movie date so he could rearrange your bedroom, since you only had a single bedroom flat.

You come back to a new set up including a cot.

Damn pregnancy hormones make brain go 🥺😭😭

He freaks when your water breaks lol

ceo of driving like a maniac to the hospital.

He can’t hold your hand, he’s pacing back and forth, sweating and maybe crying though he’ll never admit to it.

You get the joy of watching him cuddle the baby while refusing to give your child to you.

“George I’d like to hold-“

“No, you need your sleep honey, don’t worry”

Hogging the child.

Cedric

Its no secret that Cedric wants a baby someday.

And he makes it clear your wedding will be spectacular too.

However, finding out you’re pregnant the week of your dream wedding was a shock.

A shock that made you bang your head into the wall because how could you be so stupid?? We had a plan??

So you decide to wait until after the wedding, that way it wont add onto the stress (happy stress) of the wedding.

Cedric keeps trying to fill your glass at the reception, to which you kindly refuse saying you want to remember the night entirely.

Yeah he’s like 🤨 mhm okay.

You can only pick at the dinner because ew salmon doesn’t sound like an option if you want to keep the contents of your stomach.

As everyone waves goodbye to the car, and you both set off into married life, he leans over.

“I may be out of my mind, but are you...?”

“Pregnant.” His face lights up, pulling you into a hug.

Finally, your car pulls up to a small cottage with lush garden scapes all around, putting a hand out, he walks you both from the car to the door.

“Ced, where are we?”

“Home.”

Somehow it was perfect with Cedric, even when it was rushed.

He loved talking to your womb, even if it was weird that he was talking about the babies future brothers and sisters.

“Cedric, slow down. We haven’t even had this one yet”

Basically he is father of the year before he’s a full father.

He’s there while you deliver, holding your hand and telling you how great you’re doing.

He doesn’t even complain when you insult him <3.

He updates you on everything.

If his eyes aren’t on that child, he’s either asleep or dead.

I think Cedric was meant to be a family man, because he loves everything about being one.

Taglist: @truly-insatiable @amourtentiaa @imdoingathingmom @annasdani @anchoeritic @mullthingsoverinthehotwater @cedricsyellowscarf @faeinorbit

[blessednereid]

August

WC: <4100

Mentions: Sexual innuendos, cursing, slut-shaming, Affairs/Adultery, Lying, Deceit

A/N: It’s an AU, basically where James and Lily don’t end up together, and the War ends before they graduate. Snape and Peter don’t become death eaters IG but that doesn’t really matter later on. Unedited, but it’s the last day of August so I gotta get it in NOW.

Pairings: James Potter x Reader, James Potter x Lily Evans, (future) Lily Evans x Reader

~~~

Y/N

*

Salt air

*

You and your boyfriend of two months are sitting on the shoreline of the shared beach near your houses. You’ve lived in the same neighbourhood for as long as you can remember, but never really noticed each other until your formative years. And the chemistry was undeniable, which is what led you to that precise moment.

“Hey, James… What do you think is going to happen when we go away for school?” you ask meekly.

Being a Beauxbaton student is as luxurious as it sounds. You never have to put up with brutish and grotesque boys in pissing contests, and while there may be catty classmates, there’s no fighting over boys. No heartbreak. No major drama.

That being said, that didn’t mean that none of you had boyfriends. You all had your fair share of suitors from Durmstrang or Hogwarts or some other school in the country. And yours was James Potter.

He is the epitome of a perfect boyfriend. He remembers small dates, like the exact day your cat died, and knows exactly what you need.

You don’t think you’ve loved anyone as much as you’ve loved him.

And that’s precisely why you’re so afraid to lose him.

You knew that the long distance between you would be difficult. What started as a summer fling quickly became something more, and James changed from a friend who could make you laugh your guts out to the boy that makes your heart sing.

He has his arms wrapped around you like a comforting blanket, and you know exactly what he’s thinking. The distance isn’t going to change my love for you.

But he doesn’t realize that it’ll change the amount he can express. And that’s going to be frustrating. You’ve only been together for a little while. So how would this even work?

“We just have to trust each other, darling. I love you, and you love me. That’s all that matters.”

“But James-”

“No buts,” he states stoically. “Nothing is going to change this. You just need to trust me, trust that this is going to work.”

James

*

And the rust on your door

*

He had told you exactly what he meant. That he loved you, and that you could trust him. He knew that he loved you, and that love had taken root in the deepest part of his heart. So when he opened the door to Sirius, Remus, and Peter’s room, since he would not be staying here this year, he not only felt excitement for the new year but sheer happiness at the fact that he had found someone who loved him as unconditionally as he loved her. He did feel some remorse that he wouldn’t be staying with his gaggle of mates though.

“Mate, what’s that grin on your face for? Haven’t gotten in any trouble without us, have you?”

Apparently, James’ inner monologue reflected on his face because all his friends were made aware of the grin on his face.

“No, I just…”

He’d managed to keep the relationship a secret from Sirius that summer because you didn’t want the already confusing relationship to be found out by the Wizarding World. For reporters to make it more convoluted and twisted than it actually was.

“I’m just glad to be back,” he says, deciding he needs to discuss with you if he could tell his friends about your relationship just yet.

*

I never needed anything more

*

When he saw Lily in classes the next day, a pang swam through his chest. He didn’t see her yesterday on the train. He wasn’t focusing on that. But now he was. He noticed that her red hair had been cut short to her shoulders and that she appeared much more confident. Her school blouse had the first two buttons popped, showing just the slightest bit of rosy cleavage.

No.

He had promised you that you could trust him, and you could. He knew you could. He was going to be the man that you deserved. Lily was in the past. Lily was a speed bump on his path to finding true love with you.

But why did the way he felt about Lily now feel as strongly as it did before?

And it didn’t help any when she waltzed up to his desk and straightened her arms right in front of his face, pushing out her chest, and making his lust and sexual drive soar. He was sure it was evident. That he’d broken out in a sweat, but he attempted to play it off as cool as an Autumn day.

“Hello James,” she greeted. “How was your summer?”

He gulped. In front of his eyes was a woman, the woman that he had wanted so desperately. He didn’t know her intentions, but he knew his thoughts. And if you could see his thoughts, could hear them… he knew you wouldn’t be pleased. He knew you’d realize that you’d been right in not trusting him. “Summer was fine, Lily-flower. And you? Hang around with Snivelly, any?”

“No, we haven’t talked since the end of last year. But I’m thinking that this is more room for opportunity, to make new friends, see the light, you know?” she grinned and it lit up his heart.

“So, I was talking to Remus, and he told me that I should give you a chance to be one of those new friends,” but the way she said friends implied something more. “And at first, I objected, and then I realized, I never really gave you much light in my eyes. Do you think you could change that, Jamesie?”

And fuck, if that didn’t make his heart race a little.

Lily

*

Whispers of "Are you sure?"

*

Lily and James were kissing passionately and furiously as they stumbled into her bedroom. Since becoming head girl, she had gotten her own dorm room. James had also gotten one, but Lily didn’t want to see how messy that room was.

She moved her hands from in between their two bodies and picked up her wand to cast several different nonverbal charms.

When she was done, she pushed James down onto the bed and began tearing off her clothes. And then his. When she was done and they were lying beside each other he muttered a final “are you sure?” to her, and she nodded. He kissed her with ferocious passion until the kiss became something more.

This happened again, again, again.

*

"Never have I ever before"

*

When James left Lily’s room for the fourth time that month, she pressed two fingers to her lips in reaction to his goodbye kiss.

“I’ve never felt this way about James. About anyone,” she thought.

He made her feel alive, he made her grin, he made her giggle, and he made her heart flutter when he was around her. Of course, she knew this when she approached him. She just didn’t think it would escalate to this level so soon.

She wants to shout to the world the way she feels about him, the way he makes her feel. How he can take her breath away and make her feel like the most important and most special girl on the planet.

Like she was made just and entirely for him, and that the same applied for him to her.

She couldn’t stop her wild dreams, the ones of vivid love and passion, the ones where he would kiss her, take her hand, and profess his love in grand displays. Where he’d fight for her and never leave her.

Fantasy and delusion never left her mind when it came to him.

*

Your back beneath the sun

*

He and she both lie underneath the sun, soaking up its rays, sharing its warmth, staring at the clouds trying to make out certain shapes.

It was a sunny December day, which was rare, so they were getting as much out of it as they could.

“James, we should study,” she lightly approached the devastating topic. “It’s not like I really want to, but what kind of example are we setting as head boy and girl?”

“Well, If we go back up to our dorms, nobody will know if we’re studying or doing something else,” he said with a wriggle of eyebrows.

“No, James!” she laughs, and he joins her. His pearly teeth both ensnaring her mind and rendering her unable to focus on anything but him.

“When’s the next Hogsmeade trip?” he asked casually while he laid back down with his head facing the sky.

“Most likely before the holidays.”

She saw his face contort when she mentioned the Christmas break.

“James, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, I’m just thinking about… the war.” His face was pale, and his face sour.

“I’m thinking of joining the order after I graduate, but it’s still scary, you know. I’m worried about my mum and dad.”

“Your parents are going to be fine, James,” she assured him, but she knew he would be fully relieved until the war was over and all death eaters were locked up.

*

Wishin' I could write my name on it

*

She was sitting with Remus in the library when he brought up James. Let the record show that he brought up James, not her.

“So, how is everything going with James?”

She sighed lightly. “It’s magic, Remus. Pun intended.”

He chuckled. “I’m glad you feel that way, Lily. Really, he’s a good guy once you get past that facade he puts on. I knew you’d like him.”

“Yes,” she says faintly. Doubts flood her head about his own feelings.

“What’s wrong, Lily?”

Her eyes turn down to her paper before reaching up again to meet his. “It’s silly, but… sometimes I wonder if he truly feels the same. I mean, most people don’t harbour feelings for one person for this long. What if all along it was just lust, and he’ll cast me away now that he’s satisfied that urge.”

“Lily, I promise you, James has had eyes for no one but you for many years. I highly doubt that it was lust, James isn’t like that.”

“You know,” she smiled. “You’re right. I just wish this didn’t have to be kept so hush-hush. The amount of girls I see fawning over him is grotesque.”

“So then ask him,” he pushed.

She took that as a challenge. “Alright. I will!”

*

The next time Lily saw James, they immediately rolled into bed and did what lovers do. But after that is when she posed the question.

“James, would we- will we ever be able to make this public?” she asked in a stern voice.

She saw thoughts swimming in his head for a moment.

“Lily,” he rolled onto his side. “We- I… This needs to be a secret for now. I mean, we are waist-deep into this war, and with my plans to go into the order, I can’t risk anyone coming after you.”

His logic made sense to her, and the wizarding world would get too caught up with the son of a prestigious wizard family being with a muggle-born in the middle of all of this.

He was right, she just had to swallow her jealousy for now.

*

Will you call when you’re back at school

*

The next week, there was a Hogsmeade trip, and despite them staying near the Marauders, really, it was a date for James and Lily. Or at least that’s what it felt like. An unofficial date.

They bought each other gifts to open over the holidays, kissed discreetly under mistletoes, and held hands while walking through the village.

When they went to get butterbeer for the rest of the group, there was a long but comfortable silence for a while.

“So what are you doing for the holidays?”

“Just going back home, maybe making some treats with my mum,” he said casually. “What about you?”

“Same as you, I guess. I’ll miss you, though.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

She tapped her foot absentmindedly as they waited. “What if I came with you?”

“What?” Panic flooded his face. “No, you couldn’t come with me, I’m afraid. My house is an Order safe place. If a death eater found it, you could be in danger.”

“You’re in danger just being there.”

“And you’re in danger by just breathing, Lily! That would be a double danger. I’m not risking that.”

She cringed at her sudden need to be close to him. “Right, sorry. It was a silly idea. A mindless thought.”

His face softened when he saw her embarrassment. “I’d love to bring you home, Lily, but it’s not safe.” But by now she could tell that he was lying, there was something more.

*

I remember thinkin' I had you

*

On the train back from London going to Hogwarts, Lily sat with Marlene and Dorcas, she hadn't seen them quite as much as she would’ve wanted since the school year started, and now was the perfect opportunity.

Lily felt remorse and guilt for not telling her friends about such a crucial part of her life, her relationship with James Potter, and truly she wanted to, but what if they judged her? And Marlene has had a reputation for having a loudmouth. What if she said something and word got out?

They conversed in idle gossip before an interesting topic was brought up. One that left Lily infuriated, and ready to murder a smug bastard.

“Have you heard about Potter and that Beauxbaton girl?”

Her eyes raised in curiosity and scorn. “What Beauxbaton girl?”

Dorcas revealed as much as she knew about you to Lily, your name, family, status in the Wizarding World. By the time she was done, Lily was struck with disbelief.

“And you’re sure they were kissing?” she said in response to Marlene’s information about the article in the Daily Prophet with a picture of them kissing.

“Yes!” she exclaimed.

“I have the article right here,” Dorcas mentioned.

“Way to bury the lead.”

“Oh shush,” she said and handed Lily the newspaper out of her bag.

She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The man she had been with for the past four months was kissing another woman. With Tongue.

“Well, that’s fantastic for him,” she said sourly. “He must feel so proud to have gotten a pretty girlfriend after pining after me for so long. I wonder how long it’ll be before he tries pining after me again,”

“Who knows, maybe it is serious,” Dorcas proposed.

Lily growled. “I don’t think it’s that serious if he’s sleeping with another woman.”

Marlene’s eyes widened. “You don’t mean-”

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” she said before exiting the cabin of the train and heading to find James Potter.

“So,” she said when she reached his compartment. “How long have you been seeing her?”

James looked shocked to see her. “Lily, I can explain.”

“Can you? Please explain then. Is this why I couldn’t come with you? Why you had to keep us a secret James? For Godric’s sake, how long have you been seeing her?”

He gulped. “Since the summer.” Even Sirius looked shocked.

“I lived in your house, and you didn’t tell me, mate?”

“Not the time,” Peter chastised.

“Are you serious James? You spouted all of that you love me bullshit when you were with someone else?” Her eyes radiated anger. It was like staring into the mouth of an actively-fire-breathing dragon. “Does she know about me?”

“No, she doesn’t,” he admitted.

Lily said one more sentence before stalking away. “Well, you better tell her, or I will.”

*

But I can see us lost in the memory

*

Lily had no intention of telling you anything. She didn’t even know you. How would she send an owl to a total stranger and tell them that their boyfriend has been cheating on them with herself?

Lily never set out to be a homewrecker. But she didn’t even know she was wrecking a home, to begin with.

This was James’ fault, and he was going to own up to it.

Besides, It deserved to come from him. Lily knew how she felt about being told that she was the other woman from some outside source, and she didn’t want to do that to anyone at all.

But not even the sting of betrayal could mask the ever-flowing sadness that emanated from Lily. She truly believed he was in love. And maybe he was. Just not with her. And that was okay, but she didn’t deserve what she was put through.

Still, that doesn’t stop the fact that she, herself, was in love with him, and how is she supposed to ever get over that betrayal.

*

August slipped away into a moment in time- 'Cause it was never mine

*

Within the next few months, Lily had fallen into a rut. Her grades began slipping, her mood and cheeriness faltered. Even though the Wizarding World War had recently been won, with death-eaters being locked away, that didn’t change her mood, because she wasn’t in the mood to celebrate, to begin with. Her friends noticed her down-in-the-dumps aura, and despite knowing the cause, and how it wasn’t their fault, they couldn’t help but want to help her, to fix her.

But no one could repair the damage that James Potter caused to Lily but Lily herself. And that started with making amends.

“I have to send a follow-up letter to that girl. So I’ll ask you. Have you told her yet?” She cornered James in the library because, despite Head Boy and Head Girl duties, they didn’t see each other much. After all, he was avoiding her as much as she was avoiding him.

He gulped, “I haven’t. Lily, I can’t tell her. It would kill her, she was so worried about the distance and when she saw me at Christmas break, she was so happy. I don’t want to ruin that.”

“You should’ve thought about that before you started an affair with me, James. An affair I didn’t agree to. I didn’t want to be anybody's mistress. And she deserves to know, and I am going to send her a letter. Today! So if you don’t tell her, she will find out from me. I’ve given you months.”

“Lily, don’t do this. Please. I can’t tell her over an owl. It has to be in person.”

She faltered. He was right. His heart may have been in the wrong place, but his head is in the right one. Doing that, telling you over an owl could have devastating consequences. It was a discussion that had to be had in person.

“Easter Break. That is your chance, James Potter. After that, If you don’t I will.”

She turned on her heel and was about to leave the library when he grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

“Lily, you have to understand, I never meant to hurt you,” he said. “I have fancied you for so long, and when you finally reciprocated this year, I didn’t want to pass up that chance. I was wrong. You are so amazing, and I shouldn’t have done what I did, but please believe this. You deserve so much, and I couldn’t and could never give that to you, but when I did this, I never meant to hurt anyone. I didn’t think it would go this far.”

She scoffed. “Well, it did, James. You hurt me. You betrayed me, and you betrayed her. Neither of us deserved that, no matter what.”

*

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets

*

Guilt twisted in her stomach every time she thought of you. Jealousy was surely a stage at first, everything about you had her enchanted, your hair, your eyes, your glowing skin. She was enthralled, and she could see why James was too.

And then she remembered his nights in her dorm, on her bed. Tossing and turning with her, his lips on her mouth, and she didn’t feel envy. She felt regret and culpability. If she had pressed James harder about whether his feelings really were the same as before, if he’d really wanted to do this, maybe he wouldn’t have done it.

And then she wouldn’t be in this position, and you wouldn’t be about to come crash-landing on impact with this heavy, and taboo truth.

But this wasn’t about her, Lily realized. This was about you. And how you were going to feel once James told you what happened when the train meets the station, and that is all Lily can think of as she sits on her bed, staring out of her window. When her owl knocks on the window to deliver her mail, the headline of the Daily Prophet is what catches her eye. “The Prodigal son in an affair with a Muggleborn witch!” It goes on and on about how a secret inside source heard an argument between the two of them in the Hogwarts library.

There is no doubt that you have seen this, and James didn’t get to tell you. Lily didn’t get to apologize to you. This just got a whole lot worse, and Lily didn’t know how she was going to deal with the sudden turn of events.

James is the villain here, she reminded herself. James is in the wrong, but she knew that she was still an unwitting accomplice. And her gut wrenched as she pondered on that very true fact.

*

August slipped away like a bottle of wine

*

Lily had to get away from the wizarding world, so although she didn’t plan on going home for the Easter holiday, she had to now.

She was being shamed for her insidious relationship with James, by certain people, mostly Snape and his friends, that bastard. Most everyone was supportive, they realized she had no idea about your relationship, but she was still worried about what you’d say to James, but more about what’d you’d say about her.

Had James told you that she didn’t know? That he lied to both of you. Would you be mad at her either way?

Shame pulsed through her body, and she couldn’t imagine what her mother would say when she told her if she ever did.

Though when she got home, her mother instantly noticed that something was wrong.

Knowing she couldn’t take her mothers knowing stares and hard gaze, she instantly confessed to everything that happened over the semester. Her mother didn’t judge her for having premarital sex as Lily thought she would, but rather comforted her daughter and reassured her. “If James is a half-decent person, he will tell her that you did nothing wrong, and she won’t be mad at you, Lily dear.”

Her mother's reassurance helped, but her rose bush of worry wouldn’t be clear of its thorns until she spoke with you.

*

'Cause you were never mine

*

When the break was over, and Lily was about to board the train station to the red engine that is the Hogwarts Express, someone was waiting for her at the door to the train.

“My train doesn’t arrive until later,” you say plainly. “I wanted to get here earlier though, to speak with you.”

Lily feels like she’s breaking out in hives under your eyes, and it’s not a good feeling.

“James told me about how you didn’t know about me, how you wanted him to tell me sooner, didn’t want me to find out from tabloids like you did.” You smiled at her.

“It really hurt me when I found out. I didn’t want you to feel that way, but you still deserved to know. I’m just sorry you found out like that anyway.”

“James already boarded the train, but I wanted to let you know we’re no longer together if you still wanted to be with him,” you said meekly.

Lily’s eyes grew to the size of saucers. “Godric, no! He’s a git.”

You laughed.

“I know we may not be able to be friends, but maybe it’ll be better if we work through all of this together, all three of us,” Lily proposed.

“Yes, individually, dually, all together, doesn’t matter, it needs to be resolved.”

Lily sighed a breath of relief. “Somehow, I feel lighter.”

“Me too.”

As Lily was about to board the train, you called out to her. “Lily!”

She whipped her head to face you. “We can be friends if you’d like, you know.”

That made Lily smile, and honestly, it made her heart bloom with a vague, but familiar feeling.

[honeypiehotchner]

leave your lover (Hotch x Fem!Reader) — one shot

hi :) based on the song “Leave Your Lover” by Echos

Warnings: all angst babes, no happy ending here, some fluff if you squint, mentions of nsfw things but nothing explicit, basically an affair (but not really?? depends on your own morals ig)

we should leave our lovers and be with one another

Aaron’s laughter causes your own, and you cover your face with your hands. The two of you haven’t even gone to sleep yet.

“Is that really your alarm?” You crane your neck to look at the clock, cussing to yourself.

“It really is,” Aaron says, hitting snooze before laying his phone down on his chest. “How obvious do you think we’ll be?”

“Too obvious,” you giggle, hiding your face in his shoulder. “We’ve gotta stop doing this.”

Aaron says, “Yeah,” but neither of you really believe it.

You both lay there in silence, holding one another, dozing for the last few minutes of peace.

Before the snooze runs out, you push yourself onto your side, hovering your lips over his. He lifts his head, connecting your lips.

run your fingers through my hair and hide under my covers

Your fingers thread into his hair, tugging, wanting more despite all that you got last night.

The alarm rings again, ending the moment with a halt.

Aaron sighs, pulling away. “We should get up.”

“I know,” you say, frowning. “I wish we didn’t have to.”

“Me too,” he whispers, smoothing his thumb over your cheek. “Come home with me.”

“What?”

“When we get back,” he says. “I want you to come home with me.”

You blink, chuckling lightly. “Aaron, I—”

“Think about it,” he murmurs, kissing your forehead.

“Okay.” His forehead kisses always make you melt. Always. “I will.”

His second alarm goes off, and the two of you finally roll out of bed. You’re lucky you brought your bag in here with you last night when you came in for a few drinks.

It’s always “just a few drinks.” But the reality is that the two of you never drink, maybe one glass each, or sometimes you share his. “Drinks” is just an excuse for what the two of you really do.

we can share our secrets ‘til they swallow one another

Getting ready only takes a few minutes, and then you and Aaron are heading downstairs to the lobby. He holds your hand in the empty elevator, letting go one floor ahead of time to be safe.

You’re the first two downstairs, thankfully, even though it wouldn’t matter. You’re sure everyone on the team knows, but they haven’t spoken to either one of you about it. Aaron said Rossi mentioned it once, but only to tell him to be careful. That’s all.

You’ve mastered the art of keeping things strictly professional in front of the team. What you and Aaron share is only for closed doors.

“Coffee?”

“Double-shot,” you reply. “I’ll get the muffins.”

“Thanks,” Aaron smiles softly.

By the time you get muffins (for the whole team, by the way), Aaron is joining you at the table with your coffee and his.

“Table-side service,” Rossi quips. “What a place.” He sits down next to you, raising an eyebrow.

“Good morning, Dave,” Aaron says pointedly. “Coffee?”

“No, I’ll get it,” Dave says. “Sleep well?”

“Mm, slept great,” you comment, smirking around the rim of your coffee.

Aaron gives you a look and you mirror the expression. Dave leaves a moment later to get his coffee.

One by one, the rest of the team makes it downstairs until everyone is there and ready to get back on the case.

+++

You’ve been doing this with Aaron for months. You don’t really know when it started.

Well, that’s what you tell yourself to feel better. You know exactly when it started.

It had been a few weeks since Aaron told you Haley wanted to file for divorce. That’s all it was, really, a conversation they had. Aaron rented an apartment to give her some space, but he wanted to try to make it work.

Until Haley started to get more serious.

You knew it wasn’t technically right, but you couldn’t stop. You had wanted Aaron since the day you met him, but you saw the golden band on his ring finger and you distanced yourself. You knew better. You’re not a homewrecker. That’s the one line you’ll never cross.

Maybe it’s the fact that Haley was already letting go of him. She was wrecking the home, not you. Or maybe that’s just what you tell yourself to feel better about it all.

“Haley called yesterday,” Aaron says, not looking you in the eyes. “We talked.”

Standing across from him, separated by his desk, you nod slowly. “What’d you talk about?”

“She wants to see me soon. To talk more.”

“Okay.”

“I think she…wants to try again.”

“Do you?” You wring your hands. “Want to try again with her?”

His expression is unreadable, even to you. “I do. I…I still love her, Y/N.”

You smile gently, sadly. “I know.” You never wanted to admit it, but you knew. Deep down. “I understand.”

“Are you okay?” Aaron asks suddenly.

“Yeah,” you shrug, and when he gives you a skeptical look, you add, “I am, Aaron. I knew what I was getting myself into. I’m not stupid.”

“I wasn’t going to say that you are.”

You let the silence hang between the two of you like it does, like it has a habit of doing.

“I’m gonna go,” you say after a minute. “I think I’ll take tomorrow off,” you pause. “If that’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course,” Hotch says. “No problem.”

“Thanks,” you murmur. “See you.”

You don’t cry. You don’t even know why you asked for tomorrow off, but you’re still taking it. You need it after the last case, and now this from Aaron.

But you don’t cry. You don’t feel anything.

meet me in the silence, i’ll let you cut me open

+++

You rolled in the sheets with an old flame that night, spent the next day recovering, thankful for your impromptu day off.

Today, it’s back to work, which means back to being in the same vicinity of Hotch.

For a few hours, at least, because today he’s talking with Haley, so he leaves early.

You spend the day at your desk, flicking paper footballs at Derek’s head, making Spencer chuckle quietly to himself as he reads through old case files.

“Alright, out with it,” Morgan says. He grabs one of your paper footballs and flicks it back at you, that you block with your hand. “What’s got you in such a good mood?”

“Sex, Derek,” you deadpan, nearly losing it when Emily loses her composure. She leans over to give you a high five. “You should try it sometime.”

“Very funny,” Morgan rolls his eyes. “Who’s the lucky person?”

“Old friend,” you smirk. “You know, a very old friend.”

“Well, well,” Morgan stands up, walking over to you to give you a fist bump. “Who knew our little Y/N is a player?”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” you wink, bumping your knuckles with his. “Anyone want to go out tonight? If you’re lucky I might invite my friend.”

“Oh, I’m in,” Emily says immediately.

“I’ll go ask Penelope,” Derek smirks. “But I’m in.”

“What about you, Spence?” You toss a paper at him, and it lands on his page.

“No thanks,” he says, unfazed. “I’ve got tickets to this Korean festival in town.”

“Of course you do, kid,” Derek says. “Have fun. I’ll be right back.”

Derek leaves to see Penelope and you grab your phone, shooting a text to your friend.

+++

i feel you in my blood, baby, bring your body closer

Somehow, Hotch found out about drinks tonight.

You don’t even know that he knows until you’re mid-dance with your friend, grinding on them, anticipating the events that are bound to come, when Aaron walks into the bar.

A gasp falls from your lips and you turn around, hiding your face from Aaron.

Your friend takes this as an excuse to kiss you. It’s a distraction. You don’t mind.

Until your eyes lock with Aaron’s while your friend’s lips are attached to your neck. Whatever look is in his eyes, you can’t tell.

love me with your sad eyes, drain me of my color

You go home alone. Some excuse about the liquor getting to you, making you nauseous. You are nauseous, that isn’t a lie. But the alcohol isn’t what gave you the feeling.

Your friend doesn’t offer to stay the night to take care of you, and you’re thankful. The last thing you want is your friend-with-benefits wanting more of a real relationship. There’s no one you want to date.

Besides Aaron, but you can’t have him in that way.

That’s the real reason you let yourself be okay with just sex from Aaron. You know you can’t have him in the way you want, but you’ll take however much he’ll give.

i need you like no other, no, i’ll never find another

+++

Work the next day is awkward. More than awkward, it’s almost mortifying.

Hotch doesn’t ask how you spent last night. He doesn’t need to. You’re sure he thinks the worst, that you spent the night in bed with your friend, but if he’d open his eyes, he’d see that you slept just fine. On your couch.

A new case is announced, and you see Hotch is wearing his wedding ring again.

but you’ll never leave your lover, no, you’ll never leave your lover

The case takes you and the team to North Dakota. The same state where you and Hotch spent your first night together.

You bunk with Emily and JJ, but you leave the room around midnight to see if Hotch is still up.

As you’re walking, your friend texts you. All you see are the first few words, but it’s enough to know what confession lies beyond the three dots.

It almost stops you from knocking on Hotch’s door. Almost.

You hear that he’s on the phone, so you don’t expect him to answer, but he does.

“Hang on one second, honey.” Haley.

The door opens, and you force a smile. “I can come back,” you whisper.

He shakes his head. “It’s Rossi, I’ll call you back in a few minutes, okay? Love you.” The lie slips so easily for him.

Once he hangs up, he gestures for you to come inside.

“No, I…” You pause. “It’s better if I don’t.”

Aaron nods slowly. “Right. What’s on your mind?”

You, you want to say, but you don’t.

“I just wanted to say I’m happy things worked out for you,” you say. “I saw you were wearing the ring again, and I just assumed—”

“We’re gonna make it work,” he finishes for you. “For Jack’s sake.”

You don’t have the heart to tell him your true opinion on that. “I’m glad.” After a moment, you add, “North Dakota was our first night together.”

“I remember,” he says, a hint of a smile on his lips. “I think we were in this hotel.”

“Yeah,” you murmur. “We were.”

Before things can go too far, you say goodnight, and your friend has perfect timing, because your phone rings in your pocket.

“Gotta take this,” you chuckle, holding up your phone. You press accept and bring the phone to your ear. “Hey, I was just about to read your text.”

“Don’t read it. I want to say it out loud.”

“Okay,” you smile, waving goodbye to Hotch.

He doesn’t see it because you turn away, but there are tears in your eyes.

we should leave our lovers, so that we can choose each other

[kiwi-the-servamp-addict]

Uh I finished the oneshot (there's no punctuation I'm sorryyyyy I was just writing it down)

Uh

So here just gooo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kuro had been having feelings for Mahiru for a while and Inner Kuro has been suffering while Kuro is trying to confess in some what

“Oh my fucking god just tell him already!! I’m suffering here watching you try to tell him ITS TAKING YOU TOO LONG!!!” Inner Kuro yelled staring at him

“I know I know.....but I don’t want him to hate me!” Kuro argued back “OH MY GOD KURO WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS-“ Inner Kuro yelled “I KNOW! It’s just there’s still that chance he won’t like me back...” Kuro said Inner Kuro could tell Kuro was worried

Kuro cared about Mahiru a lot

Inner Kuro sighed

“Fine we’ll try again tomorrow” Inner Kuro said finally answering him

~the next day~

“Ok we went over this remember? He’s not gonna hate you” Inner Kuro said

Kuro nodded

He went over to Mahiru

“Hey um Mahiru?” Kuro spoke

“Hm? Do you need something Kuro?” Mahiru asked looking over at Kuro

“Can I talk to you..” Kuro asked

“Sure what is it ?” Mahiru said with a smile

Kuro started panicking

His heart was beating fast

He couldn’t think

His mind went blank

“I ...Um ...I-“ Kuro tried to speak but the words wouldn’t come out

His face was red his was a mess

Inner Kuro stared at the two

“Is something wrong Kuro? your face is red are you sick?” Mahiru asked he was clearly worried

“I-I’m fine! Um I just um-....” Kuro said

“I’m sorry for bothering you I’m gonna just go take a nap...” Kuro said making an excuse

“Oh.. ok if you need anything just ask me ok?” Mahiru said

“Um y-yeah...” Kuro said he went to his room closed the door behind him and sat down

“YOU ARE SO LUCKY I CAN’T TOUCH ANYTHING OR I WOULD HAVE HIT YOU ALREADY-“ Inner Kuro then noticed Kuro was crying

“I can’t do it....” Kuro said

“What if he never wants to be near me again? What if he hates me? He’s gonna be stuck with me for the rest of his life!” Kuro said while trying to wipe his tears away

Inner Kuro stared

“I know he means a lot to you..but you gotta tell him at some point Kuro” Inner Kuro said sitting next to him

Kuro sighed burying his face into his sleeves

“Fine....” Kuro said

~uh with Mahiru ig~

I wonder what Kuro was trying to tell me..

Mahiru thought

All he could think about was Kuro..

Mahiru had been trying to convince himself that he didn't have feelings for Kuro but so far it hadn't been working

It would be weird if I told him that I have feelings for him it would probably make things awkward with him..

Mahiru thought

Should I tell him?

I think I will...

Mahiru thought

~Time skip because I cannnnn~

"Kuro stop doubting yourself have you seen the way he looks at you? I'm pretty sure he likes you back" Inner Kuro said looking at Kuro "what do you mean by the way he looks at me?" Kuro asked "are you serious?! I swear to whatever God is out there- he looks at you lovingly I've seen him just stare at you with a smile on his face when you aren't looking!" Inner Kuro said they were clearly at their limit

"I feel like you're lying to me just so I can go confess" Kuro said "I swear once you fall asleep I'm hitting you with a candle holder- KURO HE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU HE LOOKS AT YOU LOVINGLY AND HE CARES ABOUT YOU!! How many more times do I have to say it until you understand!?" Inner Kuro yelled Kuro stared at him

"Fine..." Kuro then said

There was silence for a few minutes

“Hey Kuro?” Mahiru said walking into the room

“Yeah?” Kuro answered

“Could we talk? I have something important to tell you” Mahiru said

I swear to god if he says he has a girlfriend I worked too damn hard for this to not end well-

Inner Kuro thought

“sure what is it?” Kuro asked

Mahirus face was completely red

Kuro tilted his head confused

“I like you..” Mahiru said

“Like as a friend or-“ Kuro said trying not to get his hopes up

“No! Like I have feelings for you... romantic feelings!” Mahiru said

Kuros eyes widened

It went silent for a minute

“...Kuro....?” Mahriu said

“I like you too! I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you but I was scared that you we’re gonna hate me..” Kuro then said

“I would never hate you!” Mahriu said

About fucking time one of them confessed or I would have taken matters into my own hands

Inner Kuro thought as they watched the two

“So...” Kuro said

"Can I do something?" Mahiru asked

"Sure" Kuro said

As soon as Kuro had said that Mahiru pulled him closer to him and kissed him

Kuro look surprised but quickly kissed back

Mahiru wrapped his arms around Kuros waist and Kuro wrapped his arm around Mahirus neck

They stayed like that for a while

They then pulled away

Kuros face was completely red

"You ok?" Mahiru asked

"Yeah.. I'm just really happy..." Kuro said

Mahiru smiled

"You look so cute sometimes" Mahiru teased Kuros face got even more red he then buried his face into Mahirus chest

"I love you Mahiru..." Kuro quietly said

"I love you too Kuro" Mahiru happily said back

Inner Kuro quietly sat there glad that they finally confessed because they were suffering and at their limit-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I finished it!

sorry if my writing isn't not good😅

I tried🥲

(I do write a lot in my free time now but I normally just write it for myself and some of my friends and I forget to add punctuation)

(Also sorry if I made any grammar mistakes 🥲)

[finnyboywolfhard]

Song That The Morning Brings (Chapter Nineteen)

Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader 

catch up here 

summary: The group finds out new information about their problem and face a stepping stone in the right direction.

warnings: cursing, angst-ish, fluff, spoilers ig 

word count: 3.8k 

When she arrived home that night, all she wanted to do was put on some warmer, much drier clothes and to go right to bed. However, Dustin always found a way to change her plans.

“Y/N, we gotta talk.” He said coming into her room after they had both gotten changed. Sighing, she took a seat on her bed and placed herself underneath the covers. She patted a spot on the bed for Dustin and he took that as his cue to say what he wanted to say. “What the hell is happening between you and Steve?”

“What do you mean?!” She exasperatedly said.

“You guys have been different recently. It’s weird.”

“How are we different?” At this point, worry started to flood through her. What if Dustin somehow figured out how she was feeling or even what had happened between the two?

“I mean, you guys have always been close but it seems like you‘re closer. It’s almost like you’re taking your names of Mom and Dad literally. Plus, I saw you guys holding hands on the roof, even if it was for a second. Plus he gave you his sweatshirt after you guys stayed in the car together. So I want to know, what’s going on?”

“Dusty…” Y/N took a second to collect her thoughts. There was a few ways this could go: She could tell him everything; she could tell him some of the truth; or she could tell him nothing. “First off, I had this hoodie from October last year until like a month ago when I returned it to him, he just gave it back to me because I was cold. I hung back earlier in the car, because I’m scared Dustin, and I didn’t know who else to talk to but him, he is my best…he’s my best friend, remember?”

Dustin paused for a few seconds, obviously gathering his thoughts about what she had just said to him. It felt like there was a rubber band being pulled between the two of them threatening to snap.

“But you want to be more than best friends, don’t you?” Dustin said looking down at his hands. Y/N pulled her eyes away from her brother. She knew that he knew, but she couldn’t seem to let herself say yes to him.

“Would you be mad at me if I did?” She said, just barely above a whisper.

“I don’t know. Steve is my best friend and you’re my sister. I care about you both so much, but if something happened, I feel like I’d have to side with you.”  

“Dusty, seriously? You know that I would never make you chose between the two of us if something happened.”

“So there’s my answer. You do want to be more than best friends.” He said, voice edging towards anger. The girls hands started to shake a bit as she reached her hand out towards her brother.

“I don’t want you to be mad at me for that. There’s a lot that has happened between me and Steve that you don’t know about. It’s not like he wants to be more than that either, so it’s okay Dusty. Please don’t be upset.” Wariness laced her voice, as her concern grew stemming from her brother’s silence.

“You have to be stupid to think he doesn’t feel the same way about you, and besides, I’m not upset, I’m just a little scared because I don’t want you guys to lose what makes your relationship so special. You both just care about each other so much, and you’re both so willing to dedicate your time to others. What if that changes if you guys get together?”

“I can pinky promise you it won’t.” She said, reaching her pinky out. Her brothers pinky wrapped around her own. She released her hand and pulled him into a hug. They stayed in that position so long that they eventually dozed off.

The alarm startled them both awake, way earlier than they would have liked to have been woken up. But they still scurried around their house preparing themselves for the day of planning and adventure ahead. The drive to the mall was filled with Dustin’s zany ideas for what they should try to do next, most of which she had shut down as soon as they left his mouth. The only one she agreed to was allowing him to stake out on the roof while they all continued to work back at Scoops, because even though the three ice cream shop employees wanted to focus on the Russians, they still had jobs to fulfill.

Steve was sitting in the back room on his ten minutes off scooping, watching Y/N organize some files and then start to organize some of the toppings so she could restock them in a bit.

“Hey Y/N/N?” He asked, only receiving a hum in response, “Are you feeling any better from last night?”

Memories of her and Dustin’s conversation from last night filled her brain. Although in the moment it stressed her out, she felt at least a bit more relieved to have at least one problem off her chest to her brother. However, the imminent doom of the Russians was still largely at play. She stopped shuffling around to look at Steve, and his eyes were already on her. For some reason, his gaze sent shivers down her spine. She snapped herself back into reality after realizing how silent she had become just staring back at him.

“Um, I guess a little bit. I’m obviously still scared but talking to you helped, and knowing that Dustin always has multiple ideas is also kind of relieving.”

“Your brother is crazy smart. I don’t understand how smart he is sometimes.”

“Hey give me some credit! I’m pretty smart too, I’m not Dustin smart, but the Henderson family isn’t a dumb one.”

“Of course you’re smart Y/N, but Dustin…Dustin’s a full on nerd. Some may even say Dork.”

“I appreciate a good nerd or dork in my life. Don’t say em like it’s a bad thing, and don’t sell yourself short there either Harrington. You’re a dork too.” She smiled at him, noticing his cheeks flush a dimmer hue of red. His breathing became erratic, and he suddenly seemed to have forgotten how to form sentences. “Are you embarrassed Stevie?”

“No…just confused…how am I a dork?”

“You’re pick up lines are so cheesy and dorky, and you also know a lot about the things you are passionate about. You are a dork for things that matter to you. It’s endearing.”  The two kept chatting for a bit until Dustin burst through the doors of Scoops, explaining what he had seen, pulling Robin into the back as well.

“That keycard opens the door, but unfortunately, the Russian with this keycard also has a massive gun. Whatever’s in this room, whatever’s in those boxes, they really don’t want anyone finding it.”

“There’s got to be a way in.” Robin said.

“Well, you know…I can just take him out.” Steve said, leaning cockily against the table.

“Take who out?” Robin and Y/N said in unison.

“The Russian guard.” All three of the other members of the group started to give him confused and concerned looks before he decided to continue explaining his plan. “What? I sneak up behind him, I knock him out, and I take his keycard. It’s easy.”

“Did you not hear the part about the massive gun?” Dustin says, defining the idiocy in his statement.

“Yes, Dustin, I did. And that’s why I would be sneaking.” Y/N was trying desperately to hold back laughter as he continued trying to defend his plan.

“Well, please, tell me this and be honest, have you ever actually…won a fight?”

“Okay, that was one time-“

“Twice, don’t forget Jonathan after the whole Nancy the Slut Wheeler thing.” Y/N interrupted, pulling some angered thoughts from the recesses of her “King Steve” memories.

“Listen, that doesn’t count.”

“And why is that? He beat the shit out of you. You fared far worse that he did.” Y/N said once again.

“It was…” Steve tried to defend and explain how Jonathan didn’t count before Dustin interrupted him this time.

“You got a fat lip, crooked nose, swollen eye, a lot of blood…” Dustin and Steve’s argument started to overlap before Y/N noticed Robin say,

“That just might work.” She stood up from the table and ran out to the front counter. Her hand went into the tip jar to grab the money from it hastily.

“Robin, hey, what’re you doing?” Y/N said, trying to break Robin from her zone however it didn’t work.

“Hey! Robin! Hey! What-What are you doing?”

“I need cash.” She said not fully answering the question asked of her.

“Well, some of that is mine.” Steve said, earning a slap to the arm from Y/N. “Where are you going?”

“To find a way into that room, a safe way. And, in the meantime, sling ice cream, behave and don’t get beat up. I’ll be back in a jiff.”

“God, I really hope she knows what she’s doing.” Y/N said before looking over to see her brother licking Steve’s engraved ice cream scoop.

“Oh, dude! Come on, man, not my scooper.” Steve spun the scooper around his hand a few times before tucking it securely into his side pocket. It was a sight to behold from Y/N’s up close perspective. Their dynamic was hysterical to her.

“Dusty, come back here with me. Stevie, could you please scoop for a bit? I’ll come help you after I finish refilling the toppings.”

“Of course, Y/N/N, I’ve got it.” He flashed a smile, leading her own lips to upturn into one as well.

For the entire time Robin was gone, the three went about their business quietly. Dustin had stolen paper to write out a set of different plans of how to get into the room. Steve stayed out in the store front and scooped ice cream to the oblivious citizens visiting the mall. All the while Y/N was trying to focus on her work, wanting to keep that and the Russians separate. The silence in the backroom was interrupted by Robin pulling Steve into the back room once again, cohesively bringing them together once more. They all shared glances before Robin interrupted the still air.

“It’s fascinating what twenty bucks will get you at the county recorder’s office. “ And with that, she pulled out a set of blue prints for what looked like the mall and set it down onto the table. “Starcourt Mall, the complete blueprints” She said as her hands went across the thin paper to smooth it out onto the surface.

“Not bad.” Dustin said, appreciating her accolades.

“So this is us, Scoops, and this is where we want to get.” Y/N couldn’t quite understand what she was seeing standing across from Robin, so she moved to stand behind Steve, eventually leaning over his chair and shoulder, bringing her face right next to his. She stayed still there for a bit, despite the battling feeling of tension by being in such a close proximity. However, she quickly snapped back up when he began talking.

“I mean, I don’t really see a way in.”

“There’s not if you’re talking exclusively about doors.” She lifted the first set of blueprints up to expose another set.

“The air ducts.” Y/N said, making eye contact with Robin for the first time since she came back. Robin’s smile gleamed when Y/N realized what she had meant.

“Turns out, this secret room needs air just like any old room.” She walked over to grab a marker from the board before continuing what she was saying. “And these air ducts lead all the way here.” As she was talking, she drew connecting circles from the air ducts at scoops to the vent in the room. All four members glanced up to the vent in the room, all knowing exactly what needed to happen now. Steve immediately found a screwdriver and flashlight so he could give access inside the vent, while Dustin explained that he could fit into it to follow them there. Steve climbed up a ladder and unscrewed the vent cover, passing it down to Y/N before asking for the flashlight. He looked in again, scanning the entire surface area in his vision.

“Yeah, I don’t know man. I don’t know if you can fit in here. It’s like…super tight.”

“I’ll fit. Trust me. No collarbones, remember?” Y/N couldn’t help but laugh at her little brothers off handed remark about his condition. Just as Dustin was about to climb up the ladder, Robin remarked at his comment.

“Excuse me?” Before Y/N could even answer Robin’s question, Steve answered first.

“Oh, uh, he’s, yeah, he’s got some disease. Chrydo- uh, It’s Chrydo-something. I dunno.”

“He has Cleidocranial Dysplacia, basically his bones and teeth had developmental problems. Good try though Stevie.”

“Yeah, I don’t really know. But he’s missing bones and stuff. He can bend like Gumbo.” He quipped up once again.

“You mean Gumby?” Robin asked, dumbfounded.

“I’m pretty sure it’s Gumbo.”

“Stevie-“Before Y/N could continue, Dustin’s voice echoed down from the vent.

“Steve, just shut up and push me!” Steve reluctantly agreed to help try to push Dustin further into the vent. Y/N went to stand next to Robin, hopelessly watching the two try and fail to push her brother into the vent.

“Not my feet dumbass, push my ass.” Dustin commanded Steve.

“What?”

“Touch my butt! I don’t care! Come on Harder! Push harder!”

“I’m pushing.”

“Oh my god this is a shit show. Robin, I’m so sorry you have to see this.” The two boys continued to bicker while the girls just sat back and observed, slowly losing their patience for the plight playing out in front of them. The bell obnoxiously started ringing from the front of the store, grabbing both Y/N and Robin’s attention from the boys.

“Ahoy Sailors! All hands on deck!” Erica’s bratty voice resounded to the back room. Both of the workers let out a sigh at the thought of serving her especially as she was continuously ringing the bell. Robin leaned over to Y/N and said, “She is small enough.” Y/N’s eyes widened in shock, although the idea was quite literally the most insane thing she heard all day, she didn’t quite hate it either. It could very well work to her advantage. The girls went out into the store front and asked Erica to come to the back room. The explanation took a little less time than they thought, but they knew it was going to take way longer to convince her to go in for them.  They watched as she climbed up the ladder and peered into the duct. She came back down and turned to face the entire group.

“Yeah, I don’t know.”

“What don’t you know?” Y/N asked first, her brother following a second later.

“You don’t know if you can fit?”

“Oh, I can fit. I just don’t know if I want to.”

“Are you claustrophobic?” Robin inquired from the girl. Steve looked beside him towards Y/N, causing them to make a split second worth of eye contact, both clearly showing annoyance of this situation.

“I don’t have phobias.” Erica laughed off Robin’s question.

“Okay, well what’s the problem?”

“The problem is, I still haven’t heard what’s in this for Erica.” Condescension waded through her tone like ducks in a pond.

“Erica, really?” Y/N asked the brutal little girl.

“Yes really, you’re asking me to risk my life, and for what? You’re the only one getting advantages.”

“Erica, I will literally give you as much free ice cream as you want, Right Now, if you go out there and sit in the booth until we figure out what is in this for you.”

“Thank you, Y/N. You’re the only one who seems to care.” Y/N could hear Steve to start doing his breathy laugh, cluing her in to how angry he was becoming, so she reached her hand over and up, just slightly to place her hand on his arm, this got him to stop, just long enough for Erica to leave the room.  Once the door was completely shut again, Y/N dropped her posture to a slouch and mumbled the words, “Fuck me.” To herself before addressing the group once more.

“I vote we just butter her up until she says yes. The worst thing that can happen is she says no and we have to give up.”

“We can’t just give up Y/N! We are the ones who solved this code; don’t you at least want to find out what it is? We could be heroes!” Her brother quickly defended the plan and its honor.

“Yes Dusty, I know we could be heroes, but there’s only so much we can do safely. We need her help, regardless of how rude she can be, so I think we just try to convince her.” The room went silent for a beat before a voice interrupted the silence.

“Y/N’s right.” Steve agreed with his best friend.

“I’ll go start scooping.” Robin said, showing her agreement. The three workers immediately left to go make all of the treats they could use to bribe Erica. They sat down in the booth and slid each and everyone towards her. As Steve slid the final banana split to her, she looked up into his eyes and uttered the demand for more fudge. It took her demanding twice and for a small plea from Y/N for him to actually stand up to go get the small girl more fudge. Within seconds of Steve leaving the table, Robin immediately picks up and starts explaining the plan to Erica.

“Alright, you see this? This is the route you’re gonna take. Then we just wait until the last delivery goes out tonight. Then you knock out the grate, jump down, open the door.”

“Then you find out what’s in the boxes.”

“Exactly!” Y/N agrees optimistically.

“Mm-hmm. And you say this guard is armed.”

“Yes, but he won’t be there.” Dustin says way softer than he was speaking to Y/N a few minutes prior.

“And booby traps?” Erica asks, causing Robin to repeat it questioning what she meant. “Lasers? Spikes in the wall? You know what this half baked plan of yours sounds like to me? Child Endangerment.” She made sure to pronounce it slowly and articulately.

“We’ll be in radio contact the whole time-“Robin said, trying to make it sound safer and more hashed out.

“Ah, ah, ah! Child Endangerment!”

“Erica? Hi…uh…We think these Russians want to do harm to our country. Great harm, don’t you love your country?”

“You can’t spell America without Erica.” She quipped back in response.

“That’s…actually true.” Y/N said dumbfounded before allowing her brother to continue his attempt to convince her.

“SO, don’t do this for us. Do it for your country. Do it for your fellow man. Do this for America…Erica.” He said, completing in a poetic nature. Y/N couldn’t help but roll her eyes at her brother’s attempt to be noble. Clearly, this also hit Erica in the same nature.

“Ooh! I just got the chills! Oh yeah, from this float, not your speech. Know what I love most about this country? Capitalism. Do you know what capitalism is?”

“Obviously we know what that is.” Y/N responded.

“It means this is a free market system, which means people get paid for their services depending on how valuable their contributions are. And it seems to me, my ability to fit into that little vent is very, very valuable to you all. So, you want my help? This USS Butterscotch better be the first of many, and I’m talking free ice cream FOR LIFE.” Y/N sat back while Robin just looked the girl up and down. Y/N looked at her little brother who was just starting at all the ice cream laid out in front of him. Her gaze fell back to the counter where Steve was helping some customers. She admired how even though he should have been included in this deal, he would want them to do whatever they could to help out as many people as they could.

“I can’t guarantee for life necessarily, but I can guarantee free ice cream the entire time I work here.” Y/N finally broke the tension filled surface of the table.

“And I can add on for the entire time I work here, which will probably be longer anyways.” Robin backed Y/N’s end of the deal.

“I said FOR LIFE.” Erica leaned back and crossed her arms. Y/N once again rolled her eyes and let out a sigh.

“Fine, how about this, we each tell one new employee that you get free ice cream whenever we get replaced and that it must be honored by everyone but our boss. That way, as long as employees are here, they know that you get free ice cream. Deal?” Erica pondered it for a second before finally agreeing to it. Y/N excused herself from the table while Robin and Dustin stayed with Erica to go over the plan more in depth. Y/N walked up to the front counter just as Steve was wrapping up with the line of customers.

“Hey Stevie, could I talk to you for a sec?”

“Uh, yeah, of course. Did she agree to do it?” He asked as they passed through the doorway into the back room.

“What?” She asked before realizing that she heard what he asked. “Yeah, she agreed, speaking of we have to give her free ice cream when she comes, for life, apparently.  But that’s beside the point. I just…I really need to know if this is something you are truly okay with going through with. I know Dustin and Robin really want to do it, and I’ll do it if I have to, but I don’t want to drag you into Dustin’s mess,  because I really care about you and I don’t want you, or really any of us getting hurt. I care about you so much Stevie and I am so scared that something bad is gonna be in those boxes. So basically what I’m asking is if you are sure that you want to-“

“Y/N/N?”

“What?”

“Come here.” He opened his arms, which she immediately was wrapped in once she laid her head upon his chest. “ Y/N Henderson, I am doing this if you are doing this. I will not let you go into something potentially dangerous alone. You’re the most important person in my life, okay? Don’t worry about me. I’m right here. I’m gonna be right here.” The girl stayed in his arms for a few seconds, taking in his warmth and his smell and his touch. She cherished moments like these, even though they made her feel so much more confused on where their relationship stood. But in those moments, they kinda felt okay. They felt natural, and peaceful. And that’s exactly what she needed.

taglist: 

@mochminnie  @voidnarnia @queen1054 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #340

“wash the poison from off my skin  /  show me how to be whole again”

What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I have this oddly specific memory of bringing my little Snorlax plushie for one in pre-k. I remember thinking everyone thought I was weird for liking Pokemon as a girl. Do you remember losing your first tooth? I don't. Have you ever been addicted to a game? What game? I think I was addicted to World of Warcraft at a point, but it's honestly hard to tell. My depression was just so abysmal that it was the one thing I got even a smidge of not even joy, but active distraction out of because the options of what you can do in the game are essentially limitless. Are you afraid to pop a balloon? Not really, but it does make me jump because I don't like loud noises. Name one person you’d like to see this month. Bitch we fighting Covid, stay away from me. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don’t know. Which was better: the first The Lion King or the second? They're nearly tied, honestly, but I prefer the original. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I KNOW my maternal grandmother didn't, and I don't believe any other grandparent did, either. When was the last time you had a bubble bath? Not since I was a kid. What do you usually buy when you go to the corner store? You mean like, a gas station or dollar store? Something small like that? In that case, I'll usually look for a Mountain Dew Voltage sometimes along with something Reese's-related. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? My cat, absofuckinglutely. He so obviously loves me. I know my snake doesn't though, considering reptilian brains just physically aren't capable of creating that emotion. She does, however, obviously trust me and definitely seems to enjoy coming out of her terrarium and thus hanging out by me. Bubbles or sidewalk chalk? I loved drawing with chalk, but I like bubbles more. I just love how they catch light and have such beautiful colors to share. What do you use to tell time when your gone out somewhere? My phone. Are you proud of your body? FUCK no. I wish I still was, goddammit. I used to be so fit, and it's funny, because even back then at like, 118 lbs at 5'4'', I thought I was kinda chubby. Like bitch shut the fuck up. Watermelon or cherries? I honestly don't like either, but I'll definitely pick watermelon over cherries. They're disgusting. What is your all-time favourite song? "False Flags" by Massive Attack. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Biiiiiitch guess lmao. I think everyone has, though. What is the band you’ve listened to most lately? Definitely 3TEETH. Love 'em. Favourite brand of cookies? Hm, good question. They've gotta be good at making SOFT chocolate chip cookies, though. I don't enjoy crunchy cookies nearly as much. If you could meet anyone who lived before your time, who would it be? I don't really know. Oh, y'know, chatting with Edgar Allan Poe would probably be cool. Do you pay for your own things? I literally can't. It's embarrassing. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance? No. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Certain sexual things I've done, probably. When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? Of course. Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship? I felt that way in my friendship with Colleen, but no romantic relationships. What would you consider unforgivable? Rape. Like no, go to hell. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Pre-Covid, yeah. What do you dislike the most about being the gender that you are? Probably how heavily judged women are for having ANYTHING "wrong" with their appearance. You could be five pounds over what is "normal" for your height and you're seen as fat. One strand of body hair, and you're disgusting. Bushy eyebrows, you're now manly. I could go on and on. Do you think that weed/marijuana should be legalized? Yes. Rate your typing speed on a scale from 1 - 10? 10. Do you enjoy tanning? Ugh, no. Just sitting there doing nothing but sweating. Have you ever written anybody an anonymous note? I have not. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeah; we used to have one. It was the best when we lived in the woods. Do you blow dry your hair or do you let it air out? I just let it air dry. Candles or incense? I prefer incense. Can you juggle? No. Your favorite vegetable? Broccoli. Do you catch lizards? No; I don't like terrifying wildlife. I'd much rather just take pictures of the little guys and let them go about their business. If we returned to a world without internet, what aspect of online life would you miss the most? YouTube, haha. It's more unique and personal entertainment than television, imo. Are you craving anything aside from food, and if so, what? I want a new piercinggggg. What was the last change you made to your lifestyle? I'm *trying* to get back into regularly making art, along with reading. I'm also really trying to implement drinking more water into my day. What was the last thing you gave up doing? *shrug* What was the last thing to boost your self-esteem? What sort of things typically make you feel good about yourself? It really, really helped to hear my PHP group enjoy my poem about gay rights so much. I was so terrified and did NOT want my therapist to share it, but it turned out being very beneficial. To answer the second question, it's pretty much stuff like I just mentioned: positive reactions to things I create. When it comes to food, do you prefer crunchy or softer textures? Definitely softer. Do you prefer savory or sweet things for breakfast? Hm. Depends on the day, ig. What is something small that you take extremely personally? I'm blanking. What was going on the last time you couldn’t sleep? I just... couldn't sleep. That's not rare for me. Have you drawn anything recently? I recently drew a picture of a still from Rammstein's "Mutter" music video, and I'm now working on Sara's 'kat Alucard. If you're going somewhere close by, do you walk? No. One simply does not walk in this town and not fear being shot. Do you prefer colorful notebooks over plain ones? I like colorful ones, particularly those with a nice pattern or something on it. What's your most ambitious goal? I'd consider wanting to be a successful freelance photographer to be rather ambitious. Do you know anyone named Alex? Well, knew, by this point. One of my closest online friends that just got a boyfriend and fell off the face of the planet when we used to talk every day. I'm still hurt about it, honestly. What's your favorite kind of pie? I don't like pie because of the crust being so, well... crusty and crumbly. Have you ever chatted someone up and scored a date? No. How far would you go with someone you just met? Not very far at all. All you're getting is a hug, if even that. What's your favorite meal to have for dinner? I mean, it depends on what I feel like having. I don't have a set favorite meal. What do you daydream about? The future, mostly. People I miss. Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on? Yes, Sara. <3 We met via YouTube back when it had much more social connection. Have you ever been to the beach? Yeah, a good number of times. When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? I don't believe I've been ill in any sort of way since I had that ungodly ear infection a few years ago. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Yeah, Colleen's house. Mom once tried kicking me out of the car one night otw home, but I didn't listen. Have you ever intentionally trolled? No. How many siblings do your parents have? Mom has two brothers and I think one sister, and Dad has one sister. Who last held your hand? My niece or nephew, dragging me somewhere, haha. Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? No, not interested. What was the last thing you watched on YouTube? I'm watching John Wolfe's playthrough of Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs. It's so funny how like... every let's player I watch doesn't enjoy the game, like they miss the incredible symbolism and shy away from the advanced language, and sometimes it's just frustrating to watch them; I only do because I enjoy the game and want to see more people experience it and relive it vicariously. It's very high on my list of favorite games. What sport do you find yourself best at? I wouldn't know; I haven't played any sports in years. I was pretty good at softball as a kid, though. Do you think makeup on guys is freaky or sexy? My opinion shouldn't matter; a man can wear makeup whenever he damn well pleases without worrying what others think. But anyway, I tend to find it attractive, especially if it's goth makeup. Have you ever been accused of a crime you did not commit? No. Do you like pickles? I love dill pickles. What was the craziest moment of your life? Probably just lying in that hospital bed following my OD, my mom and two best friends just sitting there with me. It was such a weird, weird feeling. Like I was just so done, frustrated beyond what I can say. I remember thinking it was almost funny, just how it all built up and went wrong. Where do you spend most of your time? In my room on my bed. What is your favorite muffin? Chocolate chip. Would you ever get a boob job? I already know when/if I lose the weight I want to, it will be kind of a big deal to me and my atrocious body image to get a breast lift. Being overweight ~does things~ you know, and god knows I want every trace of it that can be erased gone. Would you ever go on a reality TV dating show? That's a massive "no" from me, buddy. Would you rather be inside or outside? It depends on where I am and the temperature outside, but generally, inside. Do you like the current president? Well, I voted for him, so I can't shit-talk much. I don't know the true depths of him as a person and all he stands for, though; when I decided I needed to vote, I just did some research on his core values. I don't have any complaints yet, from what I've seen at least, which isn't a lot. Do you whiten your teeth? I've used whitening strips before, but I don't now because they're not that effective. If it's financially plausible at some point in my life, teeth whitening is another thing I want to have medically done because of my previous horrible self-care. My teeth have a clear yellow tint and I hate it. Do you get cold easily? No; it's actually the opposite: I get hot easily. What was the worst sickness you ever had? Probably this one stomach bug I had where I just threw up relentlessly. Like eventually barely even bile would come up; it was just dry heaving. My stomach muscles were in agony. Was your childhood wasted by something? No, thankfully. Would you rather die during an adventure or die like a normal person? A normal person. The idea of having such a sudden death stresses me out for multiple reasons; I mostly don't want my family to just be suddenly devastated, and I honestly want to come to peace with the fact I was dying. Like, find my life's own closure instead of just having it ripped away. Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? Jesus, I sure hope not. Do you have a gag reflex? A very strong one. Do you ever fantasize about trying drugs? I've wondered before what the effects of weed would be like for me, but "fantasize" is definitely the wrong word. Would you rather have sex before you’re married or wait till marriage? It'd be up to my partner, honestly, because I'm fine with either. What is the nastiest dare you have ever committed? I never did dares because I thought they were stupid. Like I'm not gonna do dumb shit just to show you I can. Do you know anyone who has been raped? I think I might? Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? Yeah. Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? No. Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer. Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. Headphones are just big and clunky and in the way when you use a laptop in bed, plus they irritate my skin. I like how earbuds actually go in your ears for more direct hearing. Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness? If I wanted children, no, because I don't think I'm capable to give a child like that adequate care, being so mentally ill myself. I wouldn't want to risk worsening their condition. Favorite thing to do with a significant other? Play games together, particularly cute multiplayer ones that are more about the experience of playing together versus getting past difficult obstacles and such. Like for example, one of my favorite memories with Jason is simply playing Little Big Planet together. Favorite ice cream topping? I don't like many toppings on my ice cream, but I do love melted hot fudge. First boyfriend/girlfriend’s name? Aaron. Do you support PETA? Considering they are incredibly self-righteous extremists, no. Do you believe in the Big Bang Theory? Well, I believe in some sort of "god" figure that created the universe, so I don't think so. A condensed ball of nothing exploding to create something so extravagant? It sounds pretty far-fetched to me. But then again, maybe that semblance of a "god" I believe in created the universe through that, idk. It doesn't really matter now, though, does it. What happened happened, I'm not very concerned with it. What insect can you not stand the site of? It's more so larvae that I can't stand the sight of, like maggots and stuff. They make me squirm. Do you like Doctor Who? I've only seen one or two episodes, so I can't say. Do you approve of gay marriage? Of course I do. I'm bisexual and would like to get married, so I might marry a woman. Are you into politics? I'm really not. Do you think the world is ending soon? Nah, even though it sure does feel like it sometimes. Ever been to a mosh pit? No, they don't seem very fun at all. Do you like to debate? NO. NO NO NO. Do you like the band System of a Down? Yeah, I do. Are you German? It's a big part of my heritage. Do your parents like your best friend? Yes. Who’s someone you can act your complete self around? Sara, 100%. She's the only person I feel entirely comfortable around when it comes to being myself. Do you believe in Friday the 13th? I don't believe in there being any supernatural power to it, no. Who is your favorite rapper? Eminem. What age is your youngest aunt? Uhhhh I have no idea. Do you like bowling? Sure, it's fun. Do you like roasting marshmallows on a bonfire? I do. What shows or characters scared you as a child? Ghostface from the Scream series was my worst fucking nightmare. I couldn't even see pictures of him without crying. The King Ramses guy from Courage the Cowardly Dog also gave me a number of nightmares. Something about the way he was animated was very unnatural and unnerving to me.

[akaaaaaaaashi]

🦃 — awww shit i see some iwaoi 👁👁👁 excellent taste i see 😋 do you have any headcanons for the dynamic of their romantic relationship ??? i'd love some crumbs 🤲🤲

hi! thank you for sending this in! this is my FIRST request 🥳 hope this gives you enough crumbs hahah

romantic iwaoi <3

— i feel like the romantic side of these two is very… detail oriented? if that makes sense?

— allow me to elaborate

— since they’ve known each other for so long, it’s not like the “normal” stuff is very exciting to them?

— like sure it’s pleasant because the idea of being around each other at all is of course, nice

— but at the same time, it’s kind of a “been there, done that” kinda mentality

— so they really enjoy taking time with each other and paying attention to details, physically and communicatively

— example: they’re laying down on the couch together, legs tangled and all

— iwaizumi is playing with oikawa’s hands, memorizing every detail, how they move, the feeling of his callouses, tracing the lines of his palms... all of it

— he’s really just investing 200% of his attention into him and his hands

— another one

— iwaizumi had a hard practice, and oikawa’s a pretty observant guy

— especially with his lovely boyfriend

— and iwaizumi, at least i feel, is the less emotionally secure of the two

— but that doesn’t mean he’s bad at hiding his emotions from others

— but oikawa is not others

— oikawa can see straight through him like he’s looking through glass

— it may be as small as a scrunched nose after a butchered hit or a small sigh serve not quite going how he wanted

— those gestures are read as normal to basically everyone else because,, it is pretty damn normal to give off a reaction after making a mistake

— but oikawa just knows. it’s the energy.

— after practice he makes sure to tell him that everything is okay and the performed well

— no matter the performance of his playing that day, at a 100% or 1%, he can always find something positive

— and that’s just what he needs sometimes

— ok some less weirdly specific stuff now lol

— they really like just going on walks, like through their neighborhood or a park nearby

— it’s been something they’ve done ever since they were little and it’s just normal, but it has a different meaning for them now that they’re dating

— their first kiss was on one of these walks

— and there’s a bench they love to sit on in the park they normally go to because it has a perfect view of the night sky and it’s in a pretty secluded area

— they’ve had their fair share of makeout sessions here

— also they don’t mind marks hahahaha

— they’ve both got concealer if they need it

— one of their favorite places for sure

— they also love just laying together

— skinship comes pretty easily to them so it’s no wonder that they enjoy this

— they’re quite often cuddling and watching some show, movie, or youtube video in oikawa’s bedroom

— iwaizumi likes oikawa’s bed more than his own (it’s more comfortable and smells like oikawa)

— he takes every opportunity he can get to be there lol

— cuddling is such a nice thing for them (isn’t it for all of us)

— they just love having hands on each other ig

— massages, rubbing circles into each other’s skin, just letting hands wander...

— they’re just very comfortable with that

— oikawa tends to do it more though, because.... i mean.... look at iwaizumi

— arms, abs, back, you know

— back to them d e t a i l s

— gotta love ‘em

— just… oikawa lives and breathes for iwaizumi’s entire existence

— ok i’ve gone on enough this took up nearly a page & a half on docs looool

thank you for reading, i hope this was ok :D as i said this is my first request and my first time doing headcanons! thank you <3

also i JUST reread your request and you specifically said their dynamic.. idk if this delivered that specifically but it’s something??? sorry if it’s not what you wanted haha

[2p-stuff-because-i-miss-them]

hii can you do 2p Romano hc?

Yeah I cans!

2p Romano (general) headcanons (Pt. 1)

Genuinely in love with this boi

I headcanon his full name to be Flavio Vargas

We know this mans is extra no doubt

His hair isn't really blond but he rocks the dye anyways

He'll end you life if you mess with his hair supplies no joke, it doesn't matter if he can order new stuff he didn't buy if for you to mess up-

He'll fold you with no remorse at anytime, and it'll be shooking.

And he's the kind of guy where if he breaks a nail beating someone up? That's it for them.

^HOW DARE YOU UPSET ME SO MUCH THAT I CHIP APART OF MYSELF ON YOU'RE WORTHLESS VESSLE? UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. YOU DUMB BI-

ahem- yeah so it's not fun

He knows he can go over board so he'll try to apologize for it sincerely

"sincerely"

More like, "you probably should have expected this ngl I don't know why you thought it'd be okay to try and play me but ay whatever sowwy pumpkins"

He likes to say he's very intelligent and reserved with his money but then there's certain instances where he'll buy things on impulse for 0 reason

^Random bystander: that's a nice bag, but awww I don't have enough money to buy that its more than my rent uwu

Flavio:.......... I'd like to buy that bag please-

^And then he'd just give it away to that random person 0 explanation

He can be really nice and then really viscous with the switch of a light.

He has his own clothing brand with a net worth higher than Gucci's.

He's kinda really famous so he wears disguises when going out to just walk around and get inspiration.

Sometimes he'll find someone whose look he really likes tho, and he'll be all dramatic about it when asking them to be his model

^Innocent Stranger exists

*Sudden distant gasping*

*Closer sudden gasping*

*Flavio running out of the trees from his car*

Flavio: YoUrE pErFeCt

Stranger: excuse me?

Flavio: Quickly get into my car-

And then he wonders why people say no-

He sleeps around but not as much as his brother, but enough to be significant

His hands are really jacked up from all of the sewing he does so he's usually wearing gloves.

He takes all of his hot drinks super strong and super tasteless. Black tea, black coffee and etc.

His hair is a really good indicator of his mood. If it's messy and disastrous, he's feeling messy and disastrous. If it's wavy but tamed, it's a good day. If it's super neat and being carefully handled, he's probably abt to confront a bih-

"Gotta look my best when throwing shade"

This man knows how to roast you thoroughly just by spending like 5 hours with you honestly-

He talks a lot so he'll ask you alot, and you'll just be giving him personal information on accident

You're thinking "oh he's just nice and wants to know what's up"

He's noting all your small insecurities and fears that you think he's missing.

It's honestly just a habit at this point-, he's used to getting a lot of information out of people quickly....

He's not a morning eating kind of person you know?

He won't eat big breakfasts and stuff without someone else he's sure will eat the rest.

^Flavio: Luciano eat the rest of that apple

Luciano: I just ate 85% of the gd breakfast I don't want to eat the rest

Flavio: LUCI WE DON'T WASTE FOOD HERE

Luciano: Then why don't YOU EAT IT

Flavio: LUCIIIIIIII

Flavio is a bit of a meme lord, he knows the ways and art of memes. But he won't spit them out like Kuro, he has a classier much more refined way of just secretly putting them in conversations.

He's usually just spilling Reality TV memes tho-

^"look at the material, you can be the judge of it"

^"yOU BEAST"

He has a commentary YouTube channel yes, because he's always got something to say about everything-

It's a really fun channel though because he'll be commentating on cringe internet content and then he'll be giving sewing and design tutorials.

There was more once again but it didn't save T~T. So ig I'll have to put it in laters. I'll make a part 2.

[wombtangclanaz]

“Not everyone can be Russ”

So I’m not really sure where to start a whole ass blog but since my rants are constantly triggered by random content I see, I'm gonna stick to what I know and not try to psych myself out and delay this blog further. So we’ll jump right in. I have to shoutout Kato on the Track for always validating the things I think I'm learning on my own, and for packaging those lessons into words that make sense and that I can share with others. If you’re not familiar with Kato, Dame Mec, DJ Pain, Sound Advice, Music Entrepreneur Club and so many other local platforms/people of the sort, you really playin yourself,  PERIODT. These guys really care about layin it out for you in a meaningful way which takes a lot of work. so WATCH AND LISTEN.  So, between yesterday and today, Kato posted a few short videos talking about the subjects we are about to explore. Until I can figure out how to attach said videos, go watch them on IG @katoproducer. The one posted today is titled “Not everyone can be Russ” and I feel that on SUCH a spiritual level. If you’re familiar with Russ at all, you can probably kinda guess what this is about. For those not familiar, Russ is a rapper/song writer/producer/author etc etc etc. who has gained some big recognition for his blueprint as an “independent” artist. I personally don't really listen to Russ or closely follow his career, however his relevance in the industry is undeniable. if you watch any interview with Russ, its clear he's garnered fame by figuring out how to be an independent powerhouse, more or less. (Admittedly, the technical “BUSINESS” side of the industry is still something I lack a lot of knowledge in cause it involves politics that can be annoying, however I'm always tryna find people to teach me more things. If this is you, tap inwardly) But basically, the point Kato is trying to make is that its not necessarily better to be doing EVERYTHING yourself with zero out-sourcing/collaboration. We see this A LOT on applications for Tucson Hip Hop Festival (shoutout THHF fam I love you guys) It seems like young artists are quick to tell us about how they rap AND PRODUCER/WRITE/RECORD/ENGINEER all their own music in their closet. it seems to be a point made to try to impress, when really it can be a red flag. This might be just my opinion, however I have a lot of conversations about this with the mentors I keep close to me and they seem to share my sentiments. The problem with doing EVERYTHING yourself is that it can quickly create a “master of none” situation. The beautiful part of todays music industry is that the technology to do the basic things yourself and is mostly free and at your fingertips. Every kid with an iphone5 can make a rap song. This is one of the reasons that hip hip is one of the most popular genres in the world right now. With popularity comes intense levels of over-saturation. You have to focus your talents and efforts and TIME. If you’re a rapper SLASH producer, ask yourself which one you're more passionate about, which one would be devastating to leave behind? Now, this doesn't mean you’re forever disqualified from making beats in the future or trying your hand at rapping. I think a big factor in a hip hop career these days is TIMING. Take note that Russ released 11 albums and 87 singles CONSECUATIVELY AND FREE OF CHARGE before he really got meaningful recognition with Soundcloud. Not to mention the fact that producers and DJ’s are more recognized and showcased as separate entities, locally and nationally. A big reason is the fact that social media made branding so easy and mostly free. Now, if you’re someone who just likes to experiment and create music and try your hand at rapping, DO NOT LET ME DISCOURAGE YOU. Everyones gotta figure things out, its important that you’re exploring and creating DESPITE everything. Consistency is key. Do not let me dictate your dreams. HOWEVER, if you're looking to take the next step and actually pursue a career, this is advice you may want to take to heart. It sounds counter-intuitive but the best way to gain success as an INDEPENDENT artist is COLLABORATION WITH YOUR PEERS. Another point Kato makes is how up-and-coming rappers are immediately trying to work with artists or entities 3-4 steps ahead of them. Theres many rappers who try to afford themselves the PRIVILEGE of skipping necessary steps in their career. Most notably the LOCAL step. I see so many rappers following this romanticized narrative of being an INDEPENDANT artist, fuck a label got it out the dirt do it all on my own yadda yadda, but are so quick to bash or dismiss their local scene that they have yet to even explore, all the while on social media spamming every single major record label and tagging every legendary rapper they can think of in every single irrelevant thing they post. I can't make any sense of that honestly. I CONSTANTLYYYYYYY have kids reaching out to me sayin they wanna legitimize their local scene, PUT ON for their city, put their state ON THE MAP, help build their community, PUSH THE CULTURE, be socially active and change lives etc etc etc. and have never been to a SINGLE local event (even as a supporter), can't name a SINGLE leader or influential person in their hip hop community or a SINGLE local rapper they admire(who aren't just one of their homies).  I LOVE that energy and passion. but without the KNOWLEDGE of what's going on around you, and the people laying down the roadwork for you, you look low-key disrespectful and very under informed. I mean, this is quite literally the bane of my existence. If you're involved in organizing shows or events or platforms on any level, you know how many people will hit you up to be on every single show/festival but HAVE not and WILL not ever attend or support otherwise. I'm sorry but there's no other way around it. I can speak for the whole state when I say that there are locally conscience artists that quite literally “put on” for their community every weekend and have for years and years. if you message me on IG for coverage on my platform and we have 2 mutual friends, THATS A HUGE RED FLAG. There are many experienced and talented people around you who want nothing more than to provide opportunities and support to pass the torch to the next generation. Its okay to reach out for support and ask for help as long as you’re worthy of it. Dame Mec always says that if you’re reaching out to someone ASKING for something (no matter how small) you gotta make sure you’re working JUST as hard or ALMOST as hard as the people you’re reaching out to. “CLOUT” does not exist if you’re actually worthy of the support, it just comes and it lasts longer. Building in your local scene can really boost the longevity of your career and helps you find “success” in unexpected places. And maybe i’m the one romanticizing now, but asking for something should not be your first contact with said person. Your local networking, knowledge and SUPPORT OF OTHERS should not come solely from YOUR OWN desire for success, wealth or influence. It should come from your utter love and uncompromising passion for HIP HOP and every avenue of culture that goes along with it. You should already be attending hip hop events and having hip hop experiences, not because you decide you're a rapper one day, but because its the thing you enjoy the most and absolutely cannot see your life without it. Sometimes I let myself get annoyed by the lack of knowledge and lack of willingness to learn that I see plaguing hip hop today and I always remember what one of my homies/mentors always says when I wanna talk shit; “their heart just isn't in it” (Pike obvi) and that's just so damn true. If your heart isn't in it, everyone around you is gonna figure that out way before you do. Don't let your ego ruin your career before you even have one

[sarinataylor]

Ok you have a supernatural au but what about a superpower/hero au? Im curious to see what youll give them!

rightio, pip pip! there is now like a fully developed au of this, but here’s the bare bones!

freddie: sound conversion

brian: replication

john: fire manipulation

roger: healing

freddie

so our boy can convert sound into other forms of energy

his faves are electricity and light (because they make such a show!) but he’s been known to forget to eat and supplement with sound instead

(he’s not a consumer of sound as such as he is a connoisseur. he likes his soul music, classical..... any sound will do, but he has taste you see? his body is a temple and all that)

you can imagine what their gigs are like 

people think it’s the louder the sound the better, but it’s not. sound doesn’t work like that, not when it’s filtered through the response of the human mind. the most beautiful light show he ever produced was the result of listening to the heartbeat of someone he loved overlaid with the soft sound of rain outside. not everything can be quantified, and the human element of his power makes sound one of those things. the softest of sounds can produce enough energy to keep the electricity on for a week, and then the next day give him barely enough juice to charge his phone.)

it’s a conscious choice to convert the sound though, obviously, otherwise he would be in energy overload so! he can sorta turn it on and off, though one time he slept through his alarm and woke up to all of the lights in the house blinking to the tune of Material Girl by Madonna

brian

this clone ass motherfucker (lookin @ u, invisible man mv)

so! his replication is sort of unstable? it doesn’t hold up to close scrutiny. 

like, it’s solid? but, like brian lmao, susceptible to folding like a house of cards when you prod at its weak spots. like. he essentially has anxious replications?

like his replications are aware that they’re not real? and so as soon as it appears that someone else also knows this they just collapse. disintegrate. there have been some awkward encounters

(usually they disintegrate on touch if they’re under scrutiny, or feel they are. however one time brian sent a clone to wake up roger who, half asleep, rolled over and blearily told the clone to “fuck off, i know you’re not real” which was enough to send the clone into an anxious disintegration.)

yeah. look what you’ve done, you’ve fucked up a perfectly good superpower is what you’ve done. it’s got anxiety.

he mainly uses his clones to get shit done? but

ok so each clone, when it’s outside of him, creates its own set of memories and experiences which then have to be assimilated by brian once they disintegrate which is fucking EXHAUSTING

it’s like the worlds worst hangover, depending on how long they’ve been out and about. one second he’s brian, and then the next he’s brian plus a shoehorn of memories which are trying to find their place in his brain. hell!

poor guy is always fucking exhausted, but also. he’s sorta always been like this so w/e ig

john

yeah i know roger is ALWAYS the fire manipulator but guess what fuck you it’s john

(also tbh i could see roger more as an earth manipulator? freddie as air. brian as water. WHATEVER IM OFF TOPIC)

boy’s gotta temper. 

general fire manipulation tbhhhhh he’s just not got the best control?

or, well. rather: he has the BEST control

until he doesnt

he’s just not all that comfortable with his power in all honesty. it has a bad rap as destructive, and well. this is the 21st century (yeah this is modern au too bc i say so) and no one really has much USE for burning pillars of fire nowadays do they?????? he’d have been a hit in the paleolithic age but they’re a bit past all that now. 

man have fire. without the need for superpowers.

john is, on the one hand, disdaining of his power and absolutely terrified on the other. he’d rather not have one at all. he can buy a lighter. it would be worth the rise on the heating bill. 

he can contain fire? but only small scale fire. any fire larger than him is out of his control -- which is part why his power is scary to him. fire spreads, and it spreads quickly

(over time he becomes more comfortable with his power and lessens his obsessive control over it. it’s like.... it’s like walking around with your teeth clenched. he was aware he was doing it in the beginning and he had control over it, he could choose not to clench his teeth. but soon it just became something he did and the idea of not doing it became abhorrent, felt as if it would lead to something horrible. but all it really meant was that when he stopped clenching his teeth, so to say, all his control was stripped from him at once. he learns to stop clenching his teeth.)

roger

rightio it’s my boy

so he’s a healer yo

except its a secret

bc, well. he didn’t grow up in the safest of households aight, and if there’s one thing an abuser is gonna take full advantage of it’s a victim who gets better and can heal others

so it’s a secret! bc its me guys cmon gotta have me angsty secrets

(not everyone in this au has powers? like they’re becoming more and more common. think mutants except without the fascism)

basically he can heal himself pretty much no matter what. and he can heal other people if he takes their wounds onto himself. he can then choose to pass the wounds on but, like, that’s an awful thing to do and he did it accidentally exactly once and felt so fucking guilty that he swore he’d never do it again

he doesn’t have complete control over it? if its someone he feels an emotional connection to sometimes he just..... takes their injuries and illnesses? 

(brian getting hep? a fucking NIGHTMARE. as soon as roger becomes aware of it he just starts...... taking it. which works fine-ish because well, he’s vaccinated correctly. it’s fine. except brian keeps fucking replicating and his clones still have hep so when they combine again he’s fucking got it again and no one understands why he keeps yo-yoing between being fine and being distinctly not fine, the doctors are in a tizzy about him potentially have unknwon healing powers, and roger is just Over It. and then ofc brian gets distinctly upset about the fact that roger just..... stops visiting him in the hospital but roger cant)

and roger hates hospitals. one time he went to visit a mate in uni and got stuck in the waiting room for half an hour. made friends with a little girl, was building blocks with her while her ma read a celebrity magazine. never ended up seeing his friend. little girl got called in for her appointment and went off skipping while roger suddenly had a broken fucking arm.     healing sucks. 

his power gets outed when john has a slip of control one day.

[badsithnocookie]

Hi red sith master of salt! I have another strange question. Do you think that grey sith/ jedi is really possible? Yeah, they are some in the history (jedi at least) and there is the tittle of "Darth Occlus" IG but... but meh. Should it be really neutral or balanced with the both side? And how will be their eyes color? I don't think one yellow and one blue is possible, it will be strange... :v

mmm this is my favourite kind of opinion, because i always lose followers over it

at the risk of being a lawyer for a moment, it really depends a lot on what people mean when they say “grey”. a lot of the time the kinds of people who carry on about grey jedi (and or sith, but one usually only sees ‘grey’ in relation to jedi) are the kind of person who has missed the point of star wars entirely and or is mostly a reactionary edgelord

the popular definition of “grey jedi” is like. a jedi who cares about balance in the Force, rather than the light side specifically, which is what fandom/the EU associates the Jedi with. but like. here’s the thing. go back to the OT sometime, and you’ll find little to no mention of the light side - that’s largely an EU construction. the “darkness” that Palpatine and Vader use is an unnatural corruption, it’s hatred and despair and suffering given physical form and imposed on the galaxy by way of Vader’s boot on their necks. the Jedi seek balance, to restore the way of things as they should be, to liberate those in pain and suffering, to bring an end to tyranny and exploitation. anakin was held up as special because he was believed to be fated to bring balance, not to swing hard for the dark and or light.

so like. if people care about, like, balance, man, then the jedi is what they’re after. not “grey jedi” who “aren’t like other jedi”, but regular, run-of-the-mill jedi, who follow the jedi code and strive to achieve personal clarity and serenity, as well as to alleviate suffering and tyranny.

it’s... one of the things that drives me up the wall with EU writing of the jedi - and yes, that includes kotor and swtor. swtor touts Voss and Zakuul as “special” and “better” because they’re like, balanced, man, but so should the jedi be, if they were actually written as jedi (and not strawman versions of the PT jedi).

the other big reason that i loathe “grey jedi” advocates is that. star war is fundamentally about making Big Moral Choices. do you fight tyranny, or do you roll over and let it do its thing? worse, do you sign up to serve it, entirely willingly? do you sit by and do nothing in the face of suffering and oppression, or do you stand up and fight it? do you face your demons, or do you flee?

the idea of “grey morality” advocates that not only is there a neutral path here, but that it’s actively the superior one. that doing nothing in the face of tyranny is not just acceptable, but preferable. that those who commit acts of genocide are on equal moral footing to their victims, and that taking sides makes you as bad as they are.

which. i find abhorrent on a personal, moral level, but even if i didn’t - it’s not star wars. it flies in the face of everything that star wars believes and is built on. “grey jedi” fans will shit on the jedi for their supposed inaction on PT-era slavery, but have no issue with turning around and then asserting  that taking a neutral stance on slavery is in fact morally superior to opposing it.

so, like. no. i don’t believe that a “grey jedi” is really possible. i am of the firm opinion that most “grey jedi” advocates are either projecting their issues with religion onto the jedi, reactionary edgelords, or some combination of the two, and that the concept of a “grey jedi” fundamentally misunderstands both the jedi and the star war.

(i also gotta be honest, most sith stans/fans are edgelordy enough that they’ll settle for regular sith, not least because they parse light and grey sith as something Almost Jedi, which given the reactionary nature of most sith stans/fans is more than enough to put them off)

(non standard Sith is a whole nother barrel of eggs - Sith are un-Jedi, but positing an un-Sith Sith prompts the question of why aren’t they then Jedi, what precisely comprises a Jedi, how much EU bullshit am I having to work with here, why do I expend all this energy on someone else’s IP when i could just redirect it to write something of my own, etc)

-

as far as eye colours (and other markers of Force corruption) goes: it’s one of those visual shorthand for corruption/corrupt use of the Force, so if a non-standard Jedi (or non-standard Sith, for that matter) has gone off the deep end and is for-want-of-a-better-term DS, then they’d end up with the visual markers - drawn, pallid skin, yellowed and bloodshot eyes, etc. if a non-standard Jedi/Sith is not revelling in oppression and youngling murder, on the other hand, they’d probably just have their natural eye colour/etc.

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

Live-blogging The Hobbit

Since I said I’d talk about how much I love Bilbo.

Also, live-blogging might be a generous description. A report from the brim every few chapters, maybe.

Might be annoying to my current followers, but they’d do well to remember this is how I got most of them, even if the live-blogging was for a different fandom. 

Now, to start! The first two chapters!

An Unexpected Party

The very first page, with the description of Bag End, had me doing a lot of double takes, mostly because of things I already thought I knew because of, you know, osmosis, so it went a bit like:

 “the hobbit was fond of visitors” ????? Didn’t Bilbo use the One Ring specifically to avoid unwanted visitors? 

However big you thought Bag End was, you’ll have to guess again. The most generous illustration probably got the size wrong. It not only has multiple bedrooms (not enough for all of the dwarves, though), it has wardrobes (rooms dedicated to clothes), and kitchens, and dining rooms.

“most Bagginses were rich” Clearly the best use for their money would have been to redistribute it, but are you trying to tell me some of them weren’t and the rest just said it was none of their business?

The fact that the Bagginses are described as reliable/predictable and Bungo doesn’t get much personal description while Belladonna, of the Took clan, outstanding/odd, does get further insight into her place in her family and is described as both famous and remarkable? *kisses fingers like chef*

Like, up till now, the only description he personally gets is, like, “Bungo, that was Bilbo’s father, built the most luxurious hobbit-hole for her (and partly with her money)” and it’s still a description of Belladonna because the paragraph’s about her still, you can tell because, even though in the last sentence Bungo was the subject, Bilbo is still referred as “her” son.

Also fitting because Bilbo’s arc is about accepting his heritage from both parts of his family, and we’re about to get into how much of a Baggins he is, so extra emphasis into the Took side will be good for the next few chapters.

So, it says Gandalf last visited before the Old Took died, which was in S.R. 1320, when Bilbo was 30, a.k.a. 20 years before. While Gandalf is definitely remarkable enough, given the time lapse, I can forgive Bilbo for forgetting about his appearance. My reasons are that my own memory begins to get blurry about faces some five minutes after someone’s gone out of my sight.

“‘Good Morning!’ said Bilbo, and he meant it.” [to Gandalf]“‘All of them at once,” said Bilbo. “[...] If you have a pipe about you, sit down and have a fill of mine! [tobacco]’” and I’m going to skip a bit here, [to Dwalin] “‘I am just about to take tea; pray come and have some with me.’ A little stiff perhaps, but he meant it kindly.” Just... he’s so nice? Often in interpretations of the Shire and of Bilbo himself, when hobbits are nice it’s a matter of politeness for its own sake, as a ritual, but he’s so earnest? It’s really politeness as a kindness, as it should be. The only times this isn’t the case is when, after Gandalf reveals he’s looking for a fellow adventurer, when he just shit-talks adventures and looks at his mail hoping Gandalf will just go away instead of telling him himself... until he gets tired and does so. Then later when he gathers from Balin that a lot of people might be showing up and you can sense some reluctance in his decision to go without, and a focus on duty. And last as the night goes on and the dwarves keep being rude af. 

Also, I once saw someone wonder why Gandalf would mention Belladonna in the movie when he supposedly knew the Old Took, and someone said it was just to make the connection more direct, son->mother, instead of son->mother->grandfather. Well,

[Picture of my book, relevant quote: “To think that I should have lived to be good-morninged by Belladonna Took’s son; as if I was selling buttons at the door!”. End description]

Read ‘em and weep.

A funny thing about the book is the narration. It’s supposed to be Bilbo’s account, just compiled by Tolkien, right? So, Bilbo’s descriptions, meaning how he is described, are noteworthy. Admittedly, I don’t read autobiographies, so I don’t know what’s a common way to describe yourself in third person, but this narrator is kinda... distant from Bilbo? In that you don’t get the sense he’s writing the story. He’s at once roasted relentlessly and praised, mocked and defended. All in all it’s an affectionate voice, although one that feels the need to go “listen, I know how this all looks and that you doubt him now (and honestly? same), but he’s a pretty cool guy, once you get to know him.”

“Bless me, life used to be quite inter-- I mean, you used to upset things badly in these parts once upon a time.” Lmao

“Very amusing for me, very good for you” - Gandalf about sending Bilbo to his death.

Bilbo, to Gandalf: “Come tomorrow!”

Bilbo, to himself: “what”

Himself, to Bilbo: “I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m doing.”

Strange dwarf (with a blue beard?): *basically pushes his way into Bilbo’s house*. Bilbo: ............... wanna eat?

“The poor little hobbit sat down in the hall and put his head in his hands, and wondered what had happened, and what was going to happen, and whether they would all stay to supper.” Hero. Those are appropriate priorities. Meanwhile, there’s people waiting for him to open the door lmao.

*banging at Bag End’s door with a stick instead of ringing the bell* 

Bilbo: who’s the fucking beast.

“Bilbo sat on a stool by the fireside, nibbling at a biscuit (his appetite was quite taken away), trying to look as if this was all perfectly ordinary and not in the least an adventure.” They [the Valar] can’t see you if you don’t move.

I like how “Far Over the Misty Mountains Cold” is about both the gold and treasure and the sheer history, represented by song. Yes, the lyrics are mostly about the treasure, but the book itself says it can barely be called a song without the music. The dwarves’ work is talked about without equating it with their craft, but more as a cultural activity that builds identity, again, like songs. They’re mentioned both in the context of being sung deep in the mountain, only for dwarves ears. This comes to a head later, when the last line says “to win our harps and gold from him!” From this, I’ve reached the conclusion that dwarves don’t just want the Mountain for the economic benefits, but because of the sense of cultural identity, represented by songs and harps, that they lost along with Erebor. I’m sure this isn’t surprising in general, or a new reading of dwarves in general, or even a new reading of the song in particular, but I just wanted to put it out there.

I like how immersed in, well, everything Bilbo has been up to now. I get this feeling of constant movement in the inside from him. Every smoke ring fascinates him, and every suggestion of adventure appalls him, and everything that happens is the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to him, not (just) because of his (sometimes, this doesn’t happen that much) exaggerated reactions, but the time he takes to tell us his feelings and thoughts about things. 

Also, him being snapped out of his adventurous daze by a sudden fear for his home (comfort), A+ Baggins/Took conflict.

“I want these dwarves to think I could fuck someone up, which is made all the easier by my desire to fuck them up”

“As soon as I saw your funny faces in the door-step, I had my doubts.” Bilbo that’s racist.

Gandalf is like that meme of the driver who’s threatening to turn the car around because his children are being rowdy, only instead he insists he will not turn the car around no matter how much they beg.

I don’t know if this is the I’ve Watched The Movie Where He Was A Main Character Syndrome talking, but I’m feeling much more compassionate towards Thotin this time around.

I noticed what I’d written the moment I finished the word, but this is too fucking hilarious to correct.

Bilbo: “uhh, five feet high is pretty noticeable for a door”

Tolkien: you’ll have to forgive him, he was born with dumb bitch disease. The buffoon. The absolute animal.

Also, “He loved maps, and in his hall, there hung a large one of the Country Round with all his favourite walks marked in it with red ink.” In this house we love one (1) nerd.

Thorin: *bitches*

Bilbo: Not in my house. *bitches harder*

Thorin: you fucking hayseed.

Bilbo: prob, bob?

Roast Mutton

I commend Bilbo for actually going - if I had to run for 15 minutes they’d still be waiting for me.

Did Gandalf bring Bilbo an actual bag or did he just decide pipe weed and handkerchiefs were the only thing he’d need for a five month minimum journey.

If he has time to complain about it, he also has time to sew himself some clothes out of the kerchiefs ig

“[Gandalf] had eaten most, talked most, and laughed most. But now he was simply not there at all!” Gandalf you ass.

“Dwarves can make fire almost anywhere out of almost anything” this has so much comedic potential.

I relate to Bilbo because I always catch on to the fact that I’m supposed to be lying way too late.

Kinda reminds me of that post about the fae who’ve learned how to tell the truth in a very specific way so it will be misunderstood being flabbergasted by someone who just comes up to them and lies.

Bilbo: *is caught lying*

Trolls: 

Bill said burrahobbit rights!

Dwarves:

Gotta hand it to Tolkien, though, Bilbo does have dumb bitch disease.

I love how Sting is supposed to be just as special as Orcrist and Glamdring, yet the narration makes such a small deal of it. It’s clear from the start it’s of the same make as them because, although it’s not mentioned along with them at first (which makes sense, since it’s sheath’s not as pretty, Thorin and Gandalf’s taking of the swords isn’t even separated from Bilbo’s by a stop, just a semicolon, yet it doesn’t get a second though.

I like how in the movie it’s all Gandalf: “Imladris” Bilbo: *delighted gasp* “Rivendell” while in the book it’s Gandalf: “Rivendell” Bilbo: “Where’s that?” Gandalf: “Don’t interrupt!”

So that’s that! Don’t know if I should stick to doing it like this, every two or so chapters, or every chapter as soon as I finish, or try to do my impressions as I go and then publish them when I’m done, because this actually took me longer than I thought it would.

[manimaindo]

H A P P I N E S S

I don’t know why people make it so fucking hard to have fun or just enjoy themselves. I get it that sometimes people wake up on the wrong side of the bed or, after a long day of work or bullshit that’ll wear you out. I get it we’re humans and we can endure so much. But i call bullshit on that, people now-a-days are just pussies. They’ll find any excuse or make some up to counter someone putting them in their place or giving them the answers to start the process of getting them out of their own situation. But fuck it, you now how the old-gen makes fun of us “Millennial's” for being soft. I totally agree on that, & that’s coming from a 19-year-old lol. But with me i feel like im part of the 1% in my generation or millennial group. To sum it up in a short saying, i would call myself “ young at heart but, with an old mind. “ Like i said in my first post, i don’t consider myself on the same status with people my age. Im not saying im perfect but shit compared to the shit i see on fucking IG stories, past acquaintances, or shit my brother talks about. It reminds me of how right the old-gen is about us. But holy fuck. at the end of the day we’re all humans nobody ain’t better then someone else. We need time to ourselves or with another/group of people to unwind. I’m a strong believer of “ Enjoy the little things in Life “ because that’s all you need or, i’ll just call it the essentials. You need to do some simple things like sleep in, go out sight seeing, eat or drink at a low-key spot,etc. BTW if you didn’t notice that’s what i do lolz. I’ll definitely post about the shit i do to have fun/unwind in my life currently. Or i’ll just tie that in with another topic of coming up with. But the bottom line is happiness doesn’t mean just only matter on the factor of when you’re bored or again done with the day’s bullshit. It starts with the environment you wake up to. Down to the bed & room you sleep in. Unless your not done with HS then nigga you SOL ( SHIT. OUTTA. LUCK. ) But the minute your 18 ( at least if you’re in the US, that’s the age you’re considered an adult, idk bout you foreign dudes. ) From that point on you’re finally in charge of your own life. No more having your hand held by the person of people who raised you. They’re are not in charge of you or obligated anymore to help you. If they do its outta love or some other shit. Nigga life aint sunshine & motherfuckin’ rainbows. You can’t get mad at someone for not supporting you anymore. People other than your selfish ass can get tired as well. You’re lucky they gave up or stopped at that point when your now a grown ass person. They could of taken the dead beat dad option and just dipped on you. Shit nothings guaranteed in life. Shit some of you little bitches should of grown up in fucked up lives or at least should of switched spots at birth with someone who was destined to go thru one. So it could of toughened you up and spare someone the pain they didn’t deserve. You cant say to yourself or whoever that you cant do or get something in life because of the past or the situation your in. The sad thing is, when you ask someone how they got to a certain point or how to get somewhere in the future. 9 times outta 10 they know how to get there, maybe not in detail but the know the broad idea of the process. Its common fucking sense, not everyone knows a detailed answer to everything. But they can point you to right direction. The thing that needs to stop, is you being a lazy fuck & a pussy while you’re at it. I get it at some points you’re gonna slip up because you’re tired or because you might go back to your old ways for a bit. It’s natural, you’re rehabilitating yourself. You just gotta remember of the past and/or your accomplishments to keep you on the right track. Keep setting yourself small goals as a sort of checkpoint to your main goal. A smart man that left us too soon said “ You get what the fuck you deserve. Point,Blank,Period. “ You gotta have a environment that you enjoy either to yourself or with someone else, whatever makes you feel comfortable. You gotta have a job or career that you enjoy, so that every morning when you wake up eat and get ready for, you aren’t dreading the ride there and the entire time you’re doing it. So at least you don’t come home pissed, just tired. Then anything and everything beyond that, you just tailor it to your lifestyle. By then you will have matured more than you could ever believed. You’re welcome fuckers, i just gave you the answer to life. Lets just see who has the balls to take it, No Homo.                           - M A N I