#sometimes when he closes his eyes he can still see the face namgyu made in response

[nessberry]

one time thanos didn't remember something right so namgyu gave him the ole "no that must have been your other bitch 😒" and thanos who thought he was joking was just like "lol yeah maybe it was 🤪" and learned very quickly that this was an environment in which joking was strictly prohibited

[loveurn]

the aftermath.

for once, namgyu has no idea what to say. in fact, he’s so confused on what to say that it makes things a bit awkward for him. for them. he can feel it in the atmosphere, and screw all that ‘things aren’t awkward unless you make it’ bullshit. he wasn’t making things awkward, he just had nothing to say and it was awkward because it was different. it was unusual. he always had a quip and usually if he was quiet he was focused or pissed.

he’s neither of those things.

he’s done his prep and the next concert isn’t for another three days and they’re flying tomorrow morning. he has nothing to do and his hands probably feel a little awkward fiddling with the sheets but throw him a bone it’s too quiet.

after the excitement from the night they’d transported seojun to the hospital ( after the little shit insisted on being apart of the encore stage ). sunghoon took them while assistant managers made sure the boys reached their rooms safely. it’d been quite chaotic, everyone asking if he was okay, making sure reporters or fans didn’t notice it. the article will release regardless, just as fancams of seojun being tired before the incident or those of him cradling his arm during the encore stage.

but such is the life.

namgyu hadn’t intended on staying up but he knew the boys were up and he knew it was a bit impossible to do anything else. they’d bombarded seojun first, naturally. namgyu was getting out with the stylists to give them their privacy. so he’d heard from sunghoon instead ( as if he hadn’t received a text from seojun the minute they were heading back ). heard about how seojun had pushed himself too hard, been practicing too late and weakened himself to the point where a front flip turned into a crash on his shoulder, the pain obviously sending him into shock and nearly causing the fainting spell that namgyu remembers too vividly. 

he’d need to be off the shoulder for about a week and strenuous activity could cause it to inflame. with a concert in three days, that put him benched on the order of singing only and no choreography. if anyone knew seojun they knew it would be the hardest task but they all had to hold him accountable. 

‘are you mad?’ “why would i be mad?”

he knows seojun received an earful from the other supremen members, from sunghoon and yichen alike. there’s no point in him saying anything. not how worried he was, not how he’s always told seojun to be careful. none of that.

but that wasn’t his place.

so he’s quiet, sitting up against the pillow. seojun doesn’t quite meet his eyes yet, still fiddling in the chair. he looks younger like this, the fatigue showing in the way his eyes droop, the pain in how tightly the sling holds his shoulder to his body.

he’d told the younger that he needed to rest, but he’d insisted on stopping by the room, dangerous as it was. their leader was going to kill him for not listening but when has he ever.

whatever namgyu’s just glad he’s alright.

“you have an early flight, you need rest.” ‘i wasn’t trying to scare you - or - i’m sorry if i did.’

namgyu hasn’t known seojun as long as the other staff members. not enough to see him as the kid whose grown from trainee days, towered over his elder members and stopped getting shy when they walk in to change him. he’s only see seojun, who’s too playful when he’s adjusting his collar. seojun who dances so hard sometimes it pops buttons off his shirt. seojun whose smiles are big, boyish and unfair. much like the gaze he gives when he finally looks up, eyes big and worried.

worried about what.

“why are you apologizing?” ‘you looked scared-’ did he? he doesn’t remember. ‘i didn’t like that.’ “well i don’t like you pushing your body past it’s limit and passing out.”

‘you are mad.’

mad can’t be the word. namgyu doesn’t really get mad he’s either pissed off, fed up, or moving on. he doesn’t have time to sit in being mad because it’s too consuming and he’s got too much to do. he’ll be there in the moment and then go on about his day.

“of course i’m mad!” so when the words snap out he’s surprised at himself. they don’t exactly rise in volume but they both know better. seojun’s heard every octave that namgyu can make, and he knows what this one is. he sinks in the chair and namgyu feels himself tug at the pillows. “i told you to be careful with yourself.”

he had. for so many nights, so many practices he’s told him. with namgyu rubbing soothing balm into the younger’s neck and pretending he was fixing a collar. with namgyu fixing up an ankle wrap and saying it was to fix the cuff. with namgyu trying to smooth over the parts of himself that the boy threw to the wind. not because of his fans, but because of insecurities, because he thought he had to give it all. and then returned in times like this, bruised and beaten.

“i told you.” if namgyu’s voice cracks he doesn’t pay it any mind. if seojun’s suddenly up and reaching for his cheek with his good arm - it only serves to fuel his anger. “i felt your body give out.”

‘so did I.’ it’s supposed to be cheeky, helpful. it’s so seojun that namgyu’s anger flares even more. even as he sees that smile and knows there’s one creeping on his face. 

“i’m not kidding.” ‘neither am i, i’m sorry!’ “sorry doesn’t help.”

sorry doesn’t fix his arm. sorry doesn’t allow him to dance for a week. sorry doesn’t help the tears on his face and it definitely won’t block the image from his mind. of seojun flat out against the floor, struggling for consciousness, breath. 

‘what will?’ “try listening.” ‘next.’

“seojun.” if the tears have dried he’s not sure, if he’s wiped them off or if seojun has he’s not sure. but the male’s hands have lowered to namgyu’s lap and laced in his hand. he pays it no mind because when he looks all he sees is the cast, how soejun’s other arm twitches, wants to move but knows better.

‘i’ll - i’ll try.’ he will, namgyu knows that. all seojun does is try and is infuriatingly endearing. it’s what they all love about him, staff, trainers, members, fans. it’s what drew namgyu to him. a thumb runs over his knuckles and namgyu’s struck with the idea that he should be doing the comforting. he should be the one telling seojun how he knows it’ll be hard. how scary it might’ve been. how he knows all seojun wants to do is dance and it’s been stripped away. temporarily but still. he heaves, nostrils flaring at the exhale and seojun’s own gaze meeting his instantly.

“that’s all i ask.” ‘am i forgiven?’

namgyu knows that look. knows the way seojun’s hands are sliding up, closer to where his knees peek out from the pillow. he knows that smile because it holds the same devilish charm that has fans screaming in arenas. except namgyu’s only response is a raised brow and a lift of the pillow next to him.

“wanna get hit?” ‘wanna kiss you.’ “not until you heal.”

‘that’s unfair.’ “it’s unfair that i had to carry your limp body to the waiting room.” ‘for the record i heard that it was sunghoon hyung who carried me.’

namgyu lifts the pillow one more time but he’s cut short by lips pressing against his. and again and again until he’s backed effectively into the headboard.

“your arm.” ‘don’t need to use it.’ “as if you won’t try to.”

it’s an excuse, a necessary one because namgyu’s face is flushed a deep red and it’s suddenly too hot in here. he preferred when it was cold and awkward. 

not really but it’s easier to handle than seojun’s smile inches from his lips and the way his eyes shift from namgyu’s lips to the obvious blush on his face. too obvious.

‘you want me to stop?’ “i want you to go to sleep.” ‘i’ll sleep here then.’ “you will not, are you crazy?”

but seojun only takes his remaining energy to bury his head in namgyu’s chest, nuzzling at the sweater he’s been trying to shrink into. suddenly he’s all warmth and fire again but namgyu can’t find the strength to move him. not when seojun’s head seems so content being there, not when his hand sneaks to play with the bottom of the sweater.

‘wanna stay here for a bit.’ there’s hints of that kid, the kid that the stylists talk about. the one who was starry-eyed to everything and ready to tackle it. scared but headstrong. there’s bits of that in his voice, bits of the recklessness in how close seojun settles against namgyu. he relents.

“okay, but you have to leave soon.” a nod and namgyu’s hands threading in his hair, massaging, trying to work the stress he knows seojun is feeling out. it’s all he can do for now, but it’s something. 

if seojun barely makes it to his room before the check up sunghoon does at 5AM, neither of them talk about. though seojun does steal as many kisses as he can before he’s rushed out the hotel room. it’s little but namgyu catches that same boyish joy that he fell for. so he uses that as an excuse and is very meticulous when he puts on makeup before meeting the others.

t’s worth it for the goofy grin he gets when they all headcount for the schedule and head to the airport.