#sometimes time changes are completely not what we think are gonna be

[joyfulhottubfuntik]

Here is an idea for a GF fic that my friend and I came up with which I'm not sure I'm gonna do anything with.

***

Ford calls his mom shortly before a family reunion that he's not sure about attending (given that he usually doesn't). Caryn joyfully tells him that Stan, who no one's really heard from in a while, is also gonna be coming for the first time since he was kicked out. And Ford is... well, he doesn't know how to feel about it. If anything, he is surprised. The first time Stan didn't try reaching out on their birthday and then on other family holidays, he kinda saw it as confirmation that heis brother really didn't want to come back and apologize. Family reunions never felt the same afterwards, so Ford just stopped coming. Now though... well, it's just strange and very unexpected. But a small part of him that he desperately tries to push down is hopeful that maybe Stan will finally apologize and perhaps they will at least be on speaking terms again.

So, against better judgement, Ford does go. And Stan is there, just like his mom said he would be. He seems to be doing well for himself, just like Ford thought he would, exuding confidence and chatting with people. What's strange is that their father is one of those people. Because Stan has never been so calm when speaking to him, and it's unbelievable to see, especially after all that has happened. Their father seems to have picked up on the confidence, something that he's always wanted his sons to exhibit, so maybe that, along with how well off Stan seems to be, may explain his change of attitude. Stan, however...

Eventually, Ford finally talks to him. It starts with an apology, a surprisingly straightforward one too: no averted eyes or nervous hand movements, no hasty explanations or excuses. In a way, that's all Ford has wanted: a straightforward genuine apology, an admission of guilt. But somehow that also feels entirely wrong, like someone playing the part of his brother in a play, doing it well, but only as well as someone reading from a script could. That's when Ford gets the creeping thought that whatever's in front of him is something that's pretending to be his brother.

Of course, at first he tries to write it off as just him being paranoid, especially seeing how the rest of the family doesn't seem to think anything's off. And, after all, it has almost been ten years. But the more he watches, the more he notices the numerous small inconsistencies, like all the mannerisms he clearly remembers from years ago being completely gone.

At last, Ford can't bear it anymore, so he decides to use something that is extremely personal (and painful) to both of them: their childhood dream. He casually comes up to Stan and starts a conversation. Eventually, Ford brings it up and Stan's reaction is something along the lines of "Well, that was just stupid, wasn't it? I mean, it's a childish dream, something we did to pass the time, but it could never work. Sometimes you just have to outgrow things like that, you know. I wish I had just done it sooner, rather than later". And it's so utterly wrong it's straight up uncanny. Like, of course, Ford did choose to pursue his own aspirations instead. Maybe Stan could find other things to do too, that's believable. But this doesn't mean the dream no longer matters, and for Stan out of all the people to talk about it like it doesn't and hasn't ever...

So, right then and there, Ford decides that, whoever he is talking to is not his brother. And thus he sets out on a mission to find out whatever happened and, most importantly, where Stanley actually is.

***

Or alternatively, Stan somehow stumbles upon some sort of mind reading supernatural creatures who pretty much push him to make a wish. That wish is kinda contradictory in itself, more so two of his deep wants combined: Stan wants his family to accept him and love him again, but he also wants to stop being himself, Stanley Pines, the homeless grifter and the screw up.

The solution to this problem is: a sort of magical clone of Stan is created, which is designed to, while mainly relying on Stan's own memories, act in a way that will make the people he cares about like him. Overtime, the copy will correct its mistakes and become more and more like the real thing, and Stan will forget who he is, which would free him of all his regrets and let him begin life anew.

The flaw with all of that? Stan severely underestimated how much his twin actually cares and how much he's willing to do for him.

***

I have no idea how this would actually go or work and neither does my friend. A rescue mission, a lot of upsetting realizations, that's for sure. Anyway, I like this idea too much to just let it quietly perish in our imaginations. So I'm putting it into yours too lol

[sparklehoard]

Daylight savings time got me again

[seventh-district]

hhhrrrhggrghrghhhhhhh

ok i'm continuing my tag-yapping under a cut bc the tag limit can’t even hope to contain me this morning

CW: vent post (<- bc i don't have room for it in the tags and while this isn't quite like my typical vent posts, it definitely still has a lot of. idk. negative vibes. so. idk guys just scroll on by and leave me to my insanity)

(also i suppose i should warn for Arcane and Stranger Things spoilers, and Genshin Impact leaks. how did we get here idk this post is a fucking mess)

[continuing from where the tags left off]

like i have seen just enough spoilers to know that it’s gonna be another Eddie Stranger Things situation for me again. and that fixation was terrible man like don’t get me wrong i enjoy him a very normal amount these days and it’s fine but at the beginning??? i grieved that MF like he was a real person bro it was embarrassing. it literally brought me back to one of the worst emotional states i’ve ever suffered through. being prone to hyperfixating is fun and all until you’re sobbing in bed losing ur mind over missing someone that never even existed and you can’t function in your day-to-day life. then it’s not so fun. but anyways time lessens the pain of all wounds or whatever and i eventually became normal about Eddie. but like man. man i’ve got quite the feeling that Viktor will put me in a similar state. maybe hopefully not quite so bad but like. mmm. it would be a very bad idea to finally watch the show at this point in my life, given that things have quite literally never been worse and are only getting worse-er. but I Do Not Control The Fixation and i made the mistake of falling down a reaction-video rabbit hole on YT the other day. which i always regret bc i always end up on some random new misogynistic republican man’s channel who i’ve never heard of before and i just hurt my own feelings and it makes me lose hope in humanity and. it’s just always a bad time. like i only follow a very select few reaction channels who i actually enjoy but then i click on one (1) video and the fucking recommended videos always pull me in different directions and next thing i know it’s 3 hours later and i’m on a very different part of the internet and i realize oh there’s actually a lot of hate in the world. how did i get here. anyways.

about halfway down the rabbit hole i was watching some therapist guy reacting to Arcane bc i wanted to see his reaction to the Viktor and Jayce “Am I interrupting?” scene from S1EP2 bc it’s literally the only scene i’ve watched in-full (yes i engage with media in a very non-linear way don’t ask why there’s just something wrong with me) and bro. when i fucking tell you it felt like i got hit by a truck the moment Viktor was on screen— ,,,….,.,… like i didn’t realize how long it’d been since i’d seen it. and i. you know that meme that’s like “hyperfixation so bad i can’t engage with the source material”? yeah i experience that. like a lot. and i had one of those moments then. bc like. i’ve enjoyed his character for a long time. from a… distance? bc i’ve just never been ready to let the fixation fully hit me. ….. dear god i’ve been microdosing blorbos. jesus christ that’s funny. anyways where was i.

yeah i like. i read a bit of Viktor fanfic and admire fanart and gifs from the show and i have learned some of the gist of what’s going on with him through a particular creator’s rp audios that i have played to absolute death bc they’re very good. so i’m like. already attached to the character. he’s up there in my head with all the other blorbos. but i’ve never fully engaged with the source material. and so when he came on screen in that guy’s reaction video it was like. idk how to describe it. staring at the sun? or like. taking too much of a drug… idk i can’t. find the right metaphor. but it was just. Intense and it hit me all at once and i literally had to close the video like— i couldn’t take it lmfao. but ever since that i’ve got this urge to finally watch the show in full. but i’ve gathered through out-of-context screenshots and bits of people’s reactions to S2 that he.. dies? i think?? possibly more than once??? like i don’t really know any details and have very little context to go off of but i am surmising that he loses himself in hextech and goes robo-jesus mode in his search for тhe Glorious Ovulation or whatever the fuck is going on in this show that he then. dies?? with Jayce??? or ascends to the astral realm or some shit. like i literally have no clue what’s going on in that screenshot that was all over tumblr for a while after S2 dropped but. something is happening and i think it’s gonna be sad. (lmao i'm rereading this and i gotta say the Russian T wasn't intentional, i was typing too fast and accidentally switched keyboards instead of capitalizing it. but it made me laugh so i'm leaving it)

and like. i recognize that a character’s death can serve a respectable purpose in a good story and death is an inevitable part of life and all that. i respect it. but u must also understand that i am a sensitive little baby who has to endure enough angst in my real life that i selfishly want all my fave little blorbos to live forever and ever and happily ever after off into the sunset. okay? duality of man or whatever. (well, the happily part isn’t rlly necessary. i love angst i just hate death. they don’t gotta be happy forever they just gotta be alive. there is. a Reason that one of Saoirse’s defining characteristics is their infinite revivals resulting in effective immortality. all the angst of death with none of the permanence. and there’s a Reason that a lot of my favorite characters are Gods and angels and demons and vampires and werewolves and cyborgs and automatons. long-life species. i want so much more time than i’m ever gonna get and i Will project that onto the media i create and consume. next question.) so. where was i. oh yeah. so like. while i Accept the fact that Viktor’s presumably gonna die. i just know it’s gonna be an Eddie situation with me again and i don’t think my fragile psyche can handle that rn. so i guess i’ll just suppress the desire to watch Arcane until morale improves.

which is probably wise regardless of the emotional impact it’ll have on me given that i’m in one of my migraine-prone phases again and i know myself well enough to know damn well that if i start watching it rn i’ll binge the whole thing in like 2 days, induce a god-awful migraine from the screen-staring and lose touch with reality in the process. and hate myself for wasting time on a show when i could be doing literally anything else. like that’s a major reason i hardly ever watch anything anymore bc it just makes me feel more guilty for being lazy. bc like. in my mind if i’m writing or coloring or playing a game or engaging in any hobby that requires me to interact with it in some way, i can feel less bad for wasting time on it bc i’m at least Doing something. but watching a show or a movie or even a YT video just feels that much more lazy bc i’m literally just laying in bed staring at a screen not moving or using my brain. and i realize that i wouldn’t ever criticize someone else for it but. there’s another standard when it comes to me. like i know i should be studying and learning and working and cleaning and exercising and socializing and forcing myself to attend to all the adult responsibilities that are piling up on me. so if i’m gonna keep avoiding them then the least i could do is do something at least pseudo-productive instead. (even if that’s spending 2 hours yapping on Tumblr about how i can’t decide what to do today. apparently)

OKAY it's 12pm and i'm back. i drafted this post and forced myself out of bed, gave the entire bathroom a good cleaning, straightened up the living room, cleaned all the trash out of my bedroom, put a honeysuckle cube in my wax melter, got some ice cream and now i'm back to finish yapping.

the storms seem to have let up and i Should get in the shower but now my back hurts and i'm tired bc i have enough energy for approximately 1.5 tasks per day. so i'll just stay greasy until tomorrow. and due to the way the shower drains in this dysfunctional house i'll still have to speedrun my shower even then, or manually drain the septic tank since the ground is so saturated with water rn. and god it's supposed to rain more in a few days.. this is not gonna be good for the mold and structural problems. sigh. anyways where was i. god this post got long i am just a yapping machine today aren't i? we're taking the 'public diary' tag to heart with this one, boys

okay i got dragged away to deal with some stupid shit and it's now past 1pm and the smell of the wax melt is threatening to bring my migraine back and making my throat hurt and the sugar from the ice cream is making me feel sick. so today is falling apart spectacularly as per usual and i will likely get nothing else done except the dinner i have to make. maybe i'll be able to force myself to brush my teeth before bed. i love being mentally ill it's great we have fun here. /sarc

i hate how i've only got 10 or so hours of energy in me these days even though i get plenty of sleep. i wanna go to beeeeed and the rain outside the window is lulling me. anyways. i Will finish this comically long vent post if it's the last thing i do today.

take a shot every time i say anyways.

o k a y. it is nearly 5pm. and i might, just maybe might, finally be able to sit down and finish this. i am now finally back at my desk with pain thrumming in my back and legs and knees and my tummy is grumbling. but the overwhelming honeysuckle smell in my room has dissipated and my migraine hasn't returned yet and at least i can relax in a nice quiet dark cool 63 degree room after spending hours in a loud brightly lit 78 degree environment. so that's something to be grateful for. god bless my AC unit

maybe one day i'll get the chance to live a life that's actually my own. but until then i suppose there's always escapism!

speaking of, all day i've had my new Venti fic on my mind. calling it a fic sounds too.. grandiose? but it's too big to be a oneshot. what do you call a ~20k word story split into a few chapters. 'novella' sounds way too fancy to be used for fanfic. 'short story' sounds generic and also implies that it's original content. i guess it's just a small fic. a mini-fic maybe. yet another oneshot that got way outta hand. his rerun banner goes live on the uh.. 16th i think. and if i lock in i Could get the fic ready to post by then. and i think i'd like to. but there's no telling what happens in my day-to-day life that might prevent me from doing so. and it's not like there's really any good reason that i'm trying to make the two things line up, i just like using arbitrary days and dates as a source of motivation ig. but we're getting a bit of a Mondstadt revival(!!!) in 5.6 so i could also wait until then and it would still feel kinda celebratory. but it's an angsty story so idk why i'm trying to pair it up with a happy day anyways lmao. his birthday is coming up on 6/16 so i've got 2 days and 10 months. .. god i'm more tired than i thought. okay nope lets try that again. i've got 2 months and 10 days to get either the last chapters of Heaven In Hiding or some other new little fic ready to go up if i wanna post something else for his birthday. or maybe my real life horrors will take precedence and i won't get anything finished in time. that's a very real possibility.

i've been getting the urge to write for ES and [N]MbD again too. and i finally played through the Banana Outrage quest from HSR 2.6 and am now sitting on several ideas for Boothill comfort and reverse comfort oneshots. and i feel like there was some other character i had an idea to write for but my tired brain cannot recall it, if it ever existed. i've been sitting on a finished Ghost Band Dew x Reader OCD comfort fic for aaages now but i'm. embarrassed about it bc i just bullshit.. bullshitted.. bullshat? my way through the entire premise/setup and i feel like it's silly or inaccurate bc i have. Zero idea how a ministry.. monastery?.. church? thingy?? like whatever exists in the Ghost lore actually works. like i'm not even trying to adhere to canon so i guess i have as much creative freedom as i want but i also feel like what i wrote is unrealistic even within the fanon interpretations. and Dew is probably ooc anyway.. so i've been toying with the idea of scrapping the whole thing and rewriting the fic for a third time with some other character from another media that i know better. but hhhhhhh maybe one day i'll just be brave and post it and let ppl make fun of me if it sucks. like i'm not nervous about the actual OCD-comfort aspect bc i know exactly how to handle that. but the world i set the scene in is one i am not familiar enough with. idk, it feels.. forced, to me. which is funny bc the original version of the fic was with Eddie Stranger Things instead 😭 same OCD comfort premise just. different blorbo in a different setting. but my fixation on him waned and i hadn't fully fleshed the scene out yet anyway so i just scrapped it and used the idea for a Dew Ghost fic instead. but i've sat on it for so long that that fixation has waned as well and now i'm like... do i keep recycling this stupid oneshot for different blorbos indefinitely or what? idk. it's Overthinking Hours rn i guess

my Point is that i hate how as soon as i tell myself 'No More Fics Until You Get A Damn License' i suddenly have ideas and motivation for ten different projects. and yes i know it's probably just my avoidance manifesting itself. wanting to busy myself with writing so i can feel productive while avoiding my greatest fears. but knowing that doesn't change that it's happening!! i am sitting here hyper-self-aware in a hell of my own creation!!

but i should know better by now than to think i can force myself to do something by denying myself other things. it always ends up with me just doing nothing instead. there is no force strong enough to motivate me until the consequences of inaction become genuinely unbearable. and brother i can bear a lot in the name of avoidance.

and it's not like the environment i'm in is whatsoever encouraging me. maybe i'd feel different about it if i had a safe, functional vehicle to drive instead of something that won't even pass the safety inspection. maybe i'd feel different about it if i knew it wasn't gonna run me another $100+ a month on insurance i can't afford and legally have to have. maybe i'd feel different about it if i had someone i liked and trusted that would be patient with me and encourage me every day and teach me everything i need to know instead of just. expecting me to magically obtain all of this knowledge bc i'm 'smart'. like. my father in christ the apple unfortunately doesn't fall that far from the dumbass tree. just because i know a few big words and can weave them together decently when i try real hard doesn't mean everything comes easy to me. i was never all that 'gifted' i'm just good at memorizing shit. i dropped out of school the very second shit got too hard. i have never in my life learned how to study anything. i am a spoiled little baby who never had to try hard and now if it doesn't genuinely hold my attention/pique my interest/fixate me or i can't memorize it within a very short period of time, any and all information will simply bounce right back off of my brain. so tell me how in the fuck i'm supposed to force myself to study something that i not only couldn't care less about, but actively fear. how do i do it.

'you do it scared' yeah yeah i know. i've heard. but unfortunately until the conces get closer to quencing and life forces my hand, i'm afraid i'm just gonna sit here maladaptively playing with silly little characters in my mind and miserably avoiding all my fears just like i have for the past decade.

anyways. what a day. it's 6pm so i've hit my 16-hour consciousness quota and wanna crash in bed but i should try to push it a little further so maybe i'll wake up at a more normal time tomorrow. and just as i figured it might, this unintentional day-long post has chronicled the often-occurring scenario where i stress out about how to spend my day and then the whole day just kinda slips away from me anyways and i don't get anything done that i wanted to. typical Sunday vibes i suppose.

while i won't be watching any shows or doing any writing tonight and don't even feel in the mood to do any gaming, mayhaps i'll linger on Tumblr for a little while longer and fill up my queue so i can feel like i at least did one of the things i thought about doing this morning. i do wish i were more consistently active on this blog bc believe it or not i Do love it here. i'm just often too tired to do just about anything but the bare minimum these days and sadly, blogging is not on that priority list.

but it's not often these days that i put so many of my thoughts into words like i have here and tbh i'm feeling kinda drained now so i might just work on a coloring page, eat my mashed potatoes and let my brain go quiet with some youtube video in the background. that sounds nice. /gen

goodnight, Tumblr.

[kalims]

he's a ten but he...

premise. sometimes certain bad habits of theirs make their overall rating just a tad bit lower—besides the fact that they keep doing it.

characters. dorm leaders

content. gender neutral reader

malleus (doesn't have a sense of space)

"look beastie, that flower is a native of ours,"

"I agree mal, but I didn't think you taking up the entirety of my seat will make me see it better,"

he blinks, then shrugs.

like i said, has NO sense of space.

if an average person would make an excuse to constantly be in physical contact with who they admire, then malleus is the complete opposite. well, not entirely but he doesn't even bother to construct an explanation as to why he's literally sat over your seat when you coincidentally get put in a table together.

if you start questioning him about it the most you'll get in a very outright 'because he wanted to.' it's not even one of those sarcastic replies he's 100% serious!

cause he believes there's no use in lying about things to be honest.. to further emphasize that, if he ever acts like he does hold fondness for you that surpasses the platonic meter but doesn't mention it he probably hasn't realized yet.

if he did he'd already walk over and bluntly tell you about it.

(I wish I could be that unbothered.)

lilia thinks it's the cutest thing though. you swear you see flashes of light for a split second from the ceiling but when you look up there's only a suspicious swinging chandelier.

^ totally has his own album full of pictures.

if malleus ever discovers it he won't even be disturbed, probably would ask for a copy 💯

since human lives, and their bodies are so fragile he'd taken it upon himself to protect you from harm. even if it means trailing behind you everywhere way too close for comfort, or standing a bees wing away.

while he is respectful most of the time, he's encouraged if you don't comment. if anything, he seems pleased you dont seem to be bothered! (and it'll get harder to tell him to stop when he's so happy the more you let it happen..)

"child of man, have you slept?"

*starts leaning his body forward, to squint at your eyes.* practically right in front of your face.

"WTF."

not even a warning or anything! but atleast he's concerned?

idia (won't even show up for anything and insists a 'virtual' date is better.')

user: where tf r u??

ghoul666: WDYM? at the dorm?

user: IVE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR 20 MINUTES

unintentionally stood you up 💀

you literally have to tell him that you're waiting for him to arrive at the specified area you discussed where your date would take place but would end up vastly irritated when he questions if you guys even did.

ghoul666: we do??

user: I'm taking my minecraft bed away from urs.

ghoul666: NO PLS

ghoul666: HELLO????

next time you log in minecraft it's probably because he begged you to play, you WILL end up seeing some kind of structure that probably took days to make. that's not even the entire thing cause the inside is entirely decorated to your taste.

in short: he constructed some kind of venue for a wedding.. even changed his skin to wear a tuxedo 😭

though he has sparked your pettiness, hence the ignoring him period. even you have got to admit that it's freaking adorable...

big sign, emphasis on please: Im sorry pls put ur minecraft bed back I can't sleep w/o u and I have to wait entire days for it to turn into morning :(

with what he's built you're sure it's 65% true.

if you do end up forgiving him, few weeks later attempting to schedule another date will only end up in naught.

ghoul666: can we not go there

user: 😐

user: you are testing my patience love

ghoul666: 😓 (he is screeching about the term of endearment part btw KABSJAJSAJA ortho would enter his room very concerned.)

ghoul666: how abt

ghoul666: mimic together? call

user: sighs

user: I'm only agreeing cause I want to spend time with you

queue more screeching from his end that you're completely oblivious to.

the only screeching you're gonna hear though is when you guys do get into call as you play, and it's mainly out of terror when his soul gets sent to the void ascending when the entity pops out of a corner and starts chasing him.

"I GOT THIS. ILL CARRY U THIS IS FINE" *screams again* but really wants to impress you so he pushes through.

unsurprisingly does carry you.

asks to match avatars right after (idia love languange)

vil (frets over you way too much.)

"vil, did you see the chocolate in the freezer?"

"oh, that? I noticed that you've already gone through the ideal number of bars this week so I took it upon myself to make sure you don't go sick on me,"

"I love you but please give it back—"

"I love you too, and no."

disclaimer: he does this for your own good 😜 (average mom excuse.)

looks out for you more than he does for his own dorm residents. everyone is wondering where he ran off to after class, especially since he's the one that scheduled the pomefiore meeting every fridays!

and to think he was the one getting irritated over the more newer first years for being late..

*shows up literally half an hour in*

why you ask? you simply shouldn't have texted him about abandoning your daily walk together through the gardens in favor of catching sleep since you called in sick (you're suspicious if crewel really did go in to check for proof, and not concern.)

vil's really feeling the absolute regret of not checking his phone during classes.. well, he only saw the message which was coincidentally sent like somehow ONE minute after the lecture started and he's only seeing it 59 minutes later.

oh you poor thing!! though the lunch break is short, he has about 5 minutes for a trip to the mirror chamber..

you'd think the 'seen' icon below your message was a weird omen for something you're not sure but it must be doom cause vil is right at the front porch of your crappy dorm. at his own expense?! looking more disheveled than you've seen him before.

if a few stray hairs was disheveled at all. more importantly, he still looked drop dead gorgeous!

you probably looked quite terrible with the blanket draped around your shoulders looking like you just crawled out of your grave, because he looked absolutely mortified at your state.

"oh great sevens.." he looked like he was faint, huffing and fanning himself with his hand. "look at you, why didn't you tell me sooner, darling?"

you blink, swallowing to make your throat less dry but your voice still comes out raspy. "I did, like an hour ago—" without your invitation whatsoever, he steps in. promptly shutting the door behind him (which surprisingly still stands sturdy.)

vil takes a hold of your shoulders before reaching his hands upwards to tilt your face around. "you should have sent earlier," he says. you keep in the comment that you were sleeping during it, and you told him about it during second period so.. "your face is so pale."

you sigh.

"yeah, I just saw. I know, I look hideous right now."

vil frowns at you, stopping to angle your face at him. "don't ever say that. I always find you beautiful even if you are.." he glances at you from face to toe, then back up. "sickly."

"... I feel offended."

"hmph, shush now. let me draw you a bath then I know something that will boost your system."

after much coaxing in his end, you reluctantly take a warm bath in the hopefully hygienic bathroom. true to his word, vil did... concoct something. though it looked pretty the random steam that flew from it was really suspicious.

the residents don't dare to question, except rook of course. who already knew what transpired! :)

epel: 😃 (atleast vil wasn't around.)

"roi du poison~ tell me, tell me! is the trickster well? have you cured them with your love?"

"rook, you have 5 seconds to get out of my face."

rook giggles away.

kalim (thinks money will buy anything, including your forgiveness.)

"here!" there's a suspiciously bright smile on his face as he hands you.. some keys?

you deadpan, jingling it in your hands. it weighs heavy than the average, probably because of the fact that it's literally made of gold. "... kalim what is this?" you emit a sigh, from suspicion and concern.

"a gift!"

"wait why does it say lot 111--"

as you can already, that was an actual, literal house. which you imagine would probably be a lots more grand, and new compared to your old baby ramshackle.

but you do love it despite it's love for falling apart at the most inconvenient of times..

fighting with kalim was rare but it was hard to even argue with him because the notion of disagreements are so bizarre to him that he unintentionally doesn't treat you seriously with your concerns, accidentally downplaying them aaaand now you're upset.

after the ranting to jamil about how you must be busy with a lot, since you haven't even talked to him in the past 2 days. all it took was a side glance to his friend in denial and jamil immediately knew.

"what do you mean they're mad!? D:"

"just.. go apologize, I don't want to get caught up in this."

if his definition of an apology is buying you an entire house...

( ^ it is btw.)

kalim really doesn't mean any harm. he just really wants to sate whatever anger you held for him <- maybe he's overthinking it but it's kalim so he's 99% sure it's his fault! even though it hasn't even been confirmed from your end he'd probably accept it whole heartedly.

he wanted you to talk to him again so badly that he wouldn’t mind showering you with houses... since your living situation doesn't live up to your kindness (sorry ramshackle love u xx)

you know what. he wouldn't even notice he's the reason you're upset at first even though he's been asking around on who put you in that mood. despite himself being the perpetrator but he didn't really know that did he?

the only reason he does is because he assumed you were just because you avoided him like some sort of.. cockroach! (he dislikes those.) and he couldn't take it anymore.

was probably 1 sec away from barging into your dorm which wouldn't take a lot of effort since one ram to the door would probably break it.

bless jamil for jailing all the carpets so kalim doesn't find them.

even if said carpets fling him off when he's riding them.

"kalim, why would you buy a literal house... and you also got a rare address paid--"

"for them! ;D"

"... you do know they'd be more offended by the fact that you'd try to replace that.., ahem. dorm, right?"

"oh... should I buy them a vehicle then?"

you only promise to forgive him once he takes back the keys, and the house entirely...

(grim begged you to keep it, 'house for him apparently.')

azul (keeps trying to offer you discounts thinking it's a good excuse to have you over.)

"I assure you. you'll find no deal better than this."

"I'm not even that hungry for sea food, actually I'm craving some--"

"you're in luck then! ahem, it's 26% off due to a special event for today."

pro tip: keep insisting to eat at other places cause he's gonna keep increasing the discount by 2% until you eventually relent. once, you made him go to the point of 75% off, it's almost hilarious if not for the fact it only worked once.

now he won't go last 50!

ahem. if you look closely you can almost spot tiny cracks accumulating with each denial you respond with, and each increase of his discount. he's grown to be wary about the bullshit 'lucky' promos you just happen to stumble on.

last time you did he practically lost a week's worth of the presumed income he's predicted cause you actually went around and told your first year friends about it... who.. in turn told some, other friends of theirs about it and you could guess.

love must hurt.. and unfortunately it's his wallet wailing.

but azul is not so easily swayed by this! for you have swayed him first! *wink wonk*

but azul has another trick up his sleeve... keeping on roping jade and floyd into it; whom are far too enthusiastic cause finally— something fun to do! someone to bother! not only have you got the most stubborn octopus having frequent suspicious 'deals' but here are his equally suspicious lackeys.

who keeps.. talking about fried octopus..

yeah, you're not sure if preaching about azul’s species is the job they were assigned.

they're fairly easy to point in the right direction anyways. the tweels have always associated you with the word 'fun' so just a little, friendly suggestion from and they were off to their merry way. mortifying every single person you come across with their sudden attachment.

one of their tricks? following you around. and just somehow, every single place you enter is just mysteriously full even though you peered inside and there was like 7 tables empty. what are they hosting? ghosts? spirits?

...

they do look like they've seen some though..

jade rn: "a shame indeed, you must be hungry. why don't we escort you back to monstro lounge?" :)

long story short you can't even reply cause the sleek eel is already guiding you around by the use of his hands on your shoulders. just to make sure you don't stray away from the destination, he says.

"didn't you say that yesterday's promo was like, a one day thing?" you quirk a brow, and you almost fool yourself into thinking he flinched.

azul clears his throat. "well—today is.. the month before you've graced octavinelle with your assistance—"

he praises himself for his quick thinking.

COME ON! it doesn't matter if you're sick of eating stir fried shrimp, or the butter one, or every single dish they serve that includes shrimp! (also do not mention that you ate somewhere else before you just decide to visit his dorm because that establishment just mysteriously got filed a non-legal business report.)

then you've got floyd chasing you around with a fork. which is more terrifying because he's holding it in a notion that would seem like he'd just stab down at you when he catches up with your little goose chase.

it's just.. you're not sure if your stomach could take another bite of the poor food he stabbed into, and is now chasing you around with.

you screech. "JADE PLEASE."

the man shrugs. "it's a free taste."

"AZUL."

"... only on a condition of course."

frankly. it took all the balls he had to actually sputter out the most simplest sentence ever, cause during the time he rehearsed that in front of his mirror it just plagued him with embarrassment but he's getting desperate.

'I'd like to take you out to dinner, somewhere else of course.'

actually, maybe obliterating any possible craving for the food of his lounge just might've been part of his plans to ask you out..?

leona (prevents you from actually being productive via dragging you down to 'nap' every. single. time.)

"I will literally fail if you don't let go of me right now."

"hmph. so what? it's not like failing a grade killed anyone."

"leona just because you've lived through a lot of fails doesn't mean I have to, we're not all rich enough to not finish school."

to which he'd retaliate that all you'd need is to marry him and you'd be set for life.

there is no winning an argument with leona when it comes to his naps. if he states that you're to be next to him as he sleeps, its final. no buts, no retaliations, cause apparently they're all invalid according to him even if you drag him to court.

rhetorically of course, that if its a comical court scene his only statements are; 'well you're wrong', 'who cares', and 'i dont care'. one way or another he's still gonna win you over and now you're fit snugly in his arms, lamenting.

and if crowley chastises you for not doing the errands (via leona's common interference.) the only thing you need to honestly do is to complain to leona about it and suddenly crowley has the kindness to forgive you for your 'laziness' then says something about enjoying your time together?

leona's work no doubt.

you suppose he does has its perks. even if most of it isn't exactly ideal.

if you're being smart then you should give him an ultimatum or something, or bribe him. but... that really has no guarantee to work either cause you're ending up defeated, or just defeated and flustered since he's somehow unconsciously flirty.

at the end of the day you can't really hate him cause the following day you find out he sent an already sleep deprived ruggie to do your work. 'so you can shut your fussing up and let me enjoy you.' he says, and you quote.

it goes something like;

"if i finish my work i'll stick by you all day."

a stready flow of confidence keeps your voice firm as you glower down at the blank-faced leona sat on the grass. he merely tilts his head, raising a brow at you and seemingly pondering from the way his eyes fly to the sky.

you'd think that maybe your plan actually worked but he merely grunts and flops backwards, holding the back of his head with his palms as he laid. and! he ignores you.

...this little greedy man... "why should i care whether or not you finish your work?" he huffs, like the evil, arrogant spawn he is but you can't really defend yourself cause said evil spawn bewitched you so much that you actually still like him.

"because you care about me?"

"...fine," he scowls, releasing a breath you'd mistake for irritation. "then, do you really think i need you to finish your work when i can just keep you right here?"

you sulk. "i'll do anything you want?"

he deadpans as if you said something stupid. "i don't need you to anything else but sit still and be pretty."

...

...

see what i mean about him eventually winning you over? yeah.

next morning there's a rebellion in savanaclaw about overworked residents and ruggie is the head of them.

"he said that he doesn't need you today." <- ruggie, steering you away.

"really?" <- you, confused

riddle (overthinks TOO HARD.)

“I'm just a little busy.”

“I understand,” riddle says.

“I'm just a little busy.” he understands.

“a little busy.” its just… a small thought…

“I'm just busy.” his mind is a hazard at this point. 

for someone as supposedly maintained as riddle—you'd think his mind is as composed as it is organized. like the pens you'd perfectly align in correlation to order of colors, or the neat pile of clothing folded neatly, tucked in some corner in your closet that is farther in since it's used less.

that's just how he is, or at least seems to be. a bundle of organized thoughts, every thought connected to another. a mind too clean to be going on haywire (when he isn't in a particular mood, that is.)

you're just busy. he thinks. you said it yourself, with that agonizingly nice smile that must be sprinkled with some kind of spell from the way it just eradicated all the protests in his throat upon sight. he isn't one to question it, he wants to help but not if you don't ask.

he can only stare with resigned acceptance at your insomnia induced eyes.

but when the curtain of darkness befalls night raven college, even in the comfort of heartslabyul is he still thinking about that thought–and he can’t help but wonder; why exactly are you busy? its not that he’s suddenly hyper aware of your lack of presence since you’ve been attached to the hip the previous week and now you’re just.

…busy…

riddle likes to think of himself as a level-headed, private person. like the boy he raised himself to be and therefore proud of. but its way past 10AM. which is usually the time he sleeps, and let me tell you that he’s never once broke the cycle for years. yet here he is, a frown of frustration present on his face as he wills his mind to sleep.

somehow closing his eyes felt forced, he immediately snapped them open once his mind decides to conjure an image of you even in the darkness his lids offers.

“THIS IS ABSURD.”

and the yell promptly woke up the entire dorm from the ferocity of his scream. (and of course gave them the flashback of their year.)

that night was one of the worst he’s ever had because he woke up with red rimmed eyes and a pounding headache that ensured his bad mood the rest of the day.

everyone noted to steer clear.

and he unknowingly steered clear of yours since you were ‘busy.’

“why are you sulking?” a voice queried, spoken as though they were eating something as they asked. a reprimand rises in his throat, but it all just dies down once his sharp eyes settle on you, slipping into the seat in front of him then raising a brow and the traces of irritation practically evaporates from his eyes.

he feels the need to cough–so he does. “i’m– i’m not.” he clears his throat, avoiding your eyes but still sneaking in glances, something he notes is that you’re still looking everytime he does. (and boring an unimpressed face because he knows you don’t believe him at all.)

guilt rises in his mind, because he feels a slither of annoyance and its the presence of pettiness that bothers him. riddle knows you’re not at fault, just his mind at convincing that you just somehow decided in the span of a day that you might not like him anymore–so he can’t help the bite. 

“why are you here?” a glance not intended to look mean.

“i thought you were busy.” he adds.

your brows raise, he spots your teeth holding your lips back from showing your grin and he feels warm. “what?” he hisses defensively, despite you not even having replied to him yet.

he leans backwards, straightening up in his seat when your chin leans forward, resting on your intertwined fingers. you flash him a smile. 

“mr. rosehearts, are you perhaps… sulking because i’m busy?”

“no!”

silence.

“no.” he repeats, weaker.

“well,” you continue, beaming. “i heard from ace that you were awake the entire night, and that you kept him awake too. are you alright?” 

he sputters. “it wasn’t because of you!”

you snort. “i didn’t even say anything about me.”

so you incline to following riddle around, poking fun at him and still trailing after the seemingly enraged red head because despite his angry protests, demanding you to go away because you’re annoying he keeps glancing back to see if you’ll follow,

so cute…….

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

Holy GOODNESS, this is IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This story embedded itself in my brain, I am BEYOND excited to read it again!!! Oh my stars. 99 cents is an absolute bargain to be able to add this to my personal digital library, holy crackers.

If you haven't read O Human Star (which is free to read online!), then I am..................so envious you get to read it for the very first time. (Confidentially, it's equally amazing to read for a second, third, and-so-on time around.) O Human Star is...one of those works you encounter once-in-a-lifetime, if you are very lucky. It is exquisite, and will pick you apart like a jigsaw puzzle, and reassemble you into something new. It is just very very extraordinarily superb. It will probably make you cry (mostly in gratitude). It will change you, and you will be glad.

(((And there are robots! and sexuality! and gender! and reflections on the self and the meaning of identity! and also more robots!!!)))

Um yeah so: you should read it!

got a worm nibbling my brain. can someone help me find a piece of obscure media?

webcomic/indie comic from the 2010s. basically a sci-fi short story about a young girl (with red hair?) who was being raised by scientists as part of an experiment. she receives a haircut/has her head shaved, in preparation for her annual brain scan/testing. it is revealed that while her body is human, her "brain" is artificial, made of computer implants throughout her skull and spine. at some point her biological mother (also a scientist on the same campus?) encounters her and is repulsed, viewing her as a machine who has murdered her daughter.

it was very poignant and it bruised my heart and i can NOT find it anywhere

[princesssmars]

you sometimes forget how… slightly obsessive, violet could be. nsfw.

when you were younger you had a love hate relationship with her tendency to become so completely fixated on something. staying up for hours at night thinking about their next score, holding a grudge for years against anyone who got piss drunk and pissed off vander in the bar, planning and fidgeting over the perfect way to ask you out for weeks before you finally took the step yourself.

even if it got her into danger, got her and her siblings into a temporary struggle that made your heart stall with the thought of nearly losing them, you always reminded her that you thought her fixation on things was cute, and a useful tool about half of the time.

(you even said that the trait reminded you of powder, always blabbering to you for as long as she could talk about her new ideas for gadgets and bombs. the girl was overjoyed in sharing something in common with her big sister, immediately climbing on her back to ramble about something new.)

but then you actually you lost her. you lost all of them. and you wished you had told her that that insecurity she had, all the insecurities she had, were stupid and inconsequential to how perfect you thought she was.

but maybe you’ll get the chance to tell her (and tell jinx that yeah, you were right, i did start seeing ghosts too) because a scarily realistic replica of your ex is standing in front of you and before you can shoo it away she’s hugging you so tight you think your ribs will break.

you follow as ekko gives her the tour of the firelights base, admiring each and every way she’s changed. she’s taller, obviously stronger, wearing a prison uniform that you don’t if you’re allowed to say looks good on her and a red jacket she stole from some guy because of course she did. you stifle a laugh as she tells the story and she smiles at you, indiscreetly wrapping your hand in hers.

it’s obvious by the look on his face ekko is so going to tease you about this later, but you don’t get a chance to care when she turns to you and ask where she and her enforcer friend can sleep. and janna knows you want to offer for her to sleep with you, but it’s been years and you don’t want to make her uncomfortable so you lead her and caitlyn to the newbie dorms.

but it seems like you’ve forgotten just how damn stubborn she is, because not even half an hour later a loud banging at your draws you from your bed, her flushed and nervous face shocking you into silence.

she asks to come in, but with her it’s always more like a demand then a question. you try to ignore the burning feeling of her eyes trained on you as you lead her to your bed, rolling your eyes as she aggressively flops back onto it.

“holy fuck, i haven’t been on something this soft in years. i think i’m gonna fall asleep right now.”

“i wouldn’t be mad if you did.” well, you’d be a little upset. you have so much to talk to her about everything, anything that’s happened since she disappeared. granted a lot of it was bad but there were still a few things you think would cheer her up. she’d already told you enthusiastic she was to eat jerichos again, just wait till she found out that-

you must of zoned out for a minute because you’re shocked back to reality by soft lips pressed to yours, vi’s bandaged hand cupping your cheek like you’ll fade into dust if she lets go. you mentally kick yourself in the head for not responding quicker when she pulls away and looks at you with that sad puppy look she gets.

“i, i’m sorry. it’s just, you were staring at me for a while! and it’s been so long since i’ve seen you and i don’t even know what we are or if we’re still girlfriends but you’re even more beautiful than the last time i saw you-“

you cup both of her cheeks in your hands,(maybe a little too hard) give her a second to back away if she wants, and pull her back in. her arms wrap around your waist and she lets out a whimper when your hand travels to the back of her neck to pull her closer and closer-

and now it’s around one hour? maybe two? it’s a while later, and as her hand travels back into you for the fourth time, yeah, you’re starting to remember how obsessive she could be.

“vi, baby - oh my gods, y’know you can slow down!” your voice pitches when her fingers, her beautiful long and big fingers push up against that spot inside you, her other hand keeping your hips down when you involuntarily raise them off the sheets.

“don’t think i can, princess.” she groans into your breast as she sucks another path of bruises down your chest, slate eyes amused at how your hands grip the bed like it stole from you, how your mouth opens so cutely before you bite your lips to hold back your sounds.

her mouth finally closes around your clit and the increased sensitivity from your past orgasms combined with the almost growling sound she makes when she tastes you sends you right over the edge, thighs clamping around her head as she carries you through it.

the rubbing of her rough hands over your thighs and her gentle words of praise merry drag you into the beginnings of a soft slumber.

until you can feel the damn brute lift your legs onto her shoulders and stick her tongue inside you, laughing at your shocked squeal and resumed grip on her hair.

“besides, we’ve gotta make up for lost time, don’t we?”

writing a drabble based on the fic you’re writing instead of finish the fic i’m such a genius like 😍😍 glad her tag is coming back but i want content coming out like a factory line ok everyone get to work 🙏🏽

[uramakimochi]

MIDNIGHT ICE CREAM

Jason Todd x Reader

SUMMARY: You want ice cream and Jason wants to sleep.

WARNINGS: just fluff. Inspired by an old tiktok. Established relationship, use of petnames but no use of Y/n, reader is implied to be female but this piece should be neutral enough for everyone;) Jason lowkey hates you (nah jk he adores you but if someone did this to me i'd do the same honestly).

English is not my first language so feel free to correct me.

"Jay"

"Jay"

Jason muttered something under his breath, but other than that his body remained where it was, lying bare-chested on his stomach along the mattress with his arms under the pillow and one leg bent. He continued to sleep, snoring as well, and you looked at him in surprise.

Unbelievable. You thought.

Jason always slept soundly, but he was a light sleeper. A minimal shake on his body from you was enough for him to open his eyes in two seconds, always on the alert. But this time he didn't show the slightest sign of awakening, he was completely abandoned in the world of dreams.

You felt a little guilty that you were trying to wake him up, it must have been a long, hard night for him. But you had a strong urgent need that couldn't wait until tomorrow.

So you promised yourself that you would make him stay in bed sleeping all the following morning, to catch up on his sleep. And placing your hand on his muscular shoulder again, you gave him a couple more shakes.

"Jaay. Come on, wake up, please"

After seconds that seemed endless, you finally heard him take a sharp breath as his body slowly began to move.

"Mmh.. Baby, what is it?" he murmured, his voice thick with sleep, turning his head on the pillow towards you, keeping his eyes closed.

"I would really like some ice cream, can we go and buy some?" you asked him as if nothing had happened.

At those words your boyfriend slowly opened his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"What...?"

"I thought we still had ice cream in the freezer, but i think you and Roy ate it all and we ran out of it. And i'm really craving some ice cream now, so i'm asking you to come buy it"

Jason rubbed a hand over his eyes to remove the fatigue that was weighing down his eyelids, even more confused by your explanation and tired from the lack of sleep.

"Wait, what are you... Ice cream? Sweetheart what-"

You watched your boyfriend turn away to pick up his cell phone, which was placed on the bedside table. The light from the screen that illuminated blinded him for a few moments and Jason squinted, noticing the time. It was almost one in the morning. Why the hell did you wake him up at almost one in the morning??

"Jesus, i thought something happened" he muttered in a mix of irritation and confusion, putting the phone back down.

Jason loved you madly, without question, but sometimes he just didn't understand you.

"I'm sorry Jay, i didn't mean to bother you" you muttered regretfully.

"'S okay, love" he replied with a sigh. "Why don't we go back to sleep, yeah? Don't think about that damn ice cream"

"But Jayyy"

Oh shit. Now you were even using your pleading voice. And within seconds Jason felt your warm hands resting on his naked back, followed by your face leaning over him, to look at him with puppy eyes.

"I seriously need some ice cream, i can't stop thinking about it" you whined. "I can't go back to sleep, please"

Jason closed his eyes to escape your pleading gaze.

"Baby no. Can we go to bed now, please?" he said sternly, but his tone didn't sound as decisive as usual. He was still tired, too tired.

"But what about ice cream?" you asked.

"It's almost one in the morning, we can't go get ice cream"

"But..."

Jason raised himself on his arms and you were forced to step back. And when you realized that he was changing position to turn around and give you his bare back, you looked at him in shock.

"Are you-"

"Yep" he interrupted you nonchalantly, rubbing his cheek on his pillow and making himself more comfortable. "I'm gonna go back to sleep and i suggest you do the same, because i'm not moving from here"

You pouted with puffy cheeks, even though he couldn't see it.

"Fine. Then it means i'll go alone"

"The supermarket is closed, you know it" he replied.

"The store down the street is open 24 hours a day though" you said then.

"Yeah there's no way in hell i'll let you go out alone at this hour"

"Come with me then"

"No sweetheart"

Jason heard you huff behind him and he let out a yawn, ready to go back to sleep. But suddenly he felt your hands rest on his skin again and with a delicate gesture you made him rotate towards you. Despite the darkness, Jason saw your puppy gaze again as you lay on his body with your hands resting on his broad chest.

"Pretty pleaseee?" you begged, like a child begs for candy to his mother.

Jason couldn't keep his lips from curling up in tenderness and automatically one of his hands went to rest on your hip. That was one of his favorite sights, the kind that made him want to fill your face with kisses (and do something else too) until the next morning.

But NOT in that circumstance!

Jason couldn't afford to fall into your trap! Not today. Nope. For fuck's sake, he was supposed to be the stricter one between the two of you.

So, looking straight into your eyes with the sternest expression he could muster, Jason made a decision.

"We are not getting ice cream"

"I hate you so much, you know that?"

You shamelessly ignored your boyfriend's words with an innocent smile, handing the bored cashier the coins to pay and then taking the packaged ice cream from the counter.

"Thank you very much, have a good night!"

You walked out of the store unwrapping your ice cream and Jason followed you with a prominent pout on his face. Once you finished unwrapping your late night snack, you discarded the paper and began to eat it, immediately biting back a moan at the sweet taste of it on your tongue.

"This is delicious" you turned to Jason, handing him the ice cream. "Do you want some, bub?"

"I just want to sleep" he complained, throwing his head back in (fake) despair.

You leaned in to give him a small, fresh kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"Thanks for coming Jay, i appreciate it. I love you so much"

Jason wrapped his arm around your shoulders to pull you into his body and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"Mh, love you too baby" he murmured against your skin. "But you owe me an ice cream. And a looong nap"

You giggled, nodding without protesting. And while you held your ice cream with one hand, you wrapped your other arm around Jason's, which was covered by the large sweatshirt he was wearing and the hood lifted on his head. You snuggled against his body and rested your temple on his arm, while he kept his hands in his pockets and together you started walking back home.

"That i can do. And i'll make sure to give you all the best cuddles in the world. You deserve them"

If i wrote this with Dick i just know HE would be the one begging for ice cream, tell me i'm wrong.

[hees-mine]

𝙎𝙒𝙀𝘼𝙏 - 𝙇. 𝙃𝙀𝙀𝙎𝙀𝙐𝙉𝙂

Pairing: heeseung X fem reader!

Warnings: smut, oral male receiving, cursing, very self-indulgent 😩 we listen, and we don’t judge. Inspired by his latest Weverse update.

WC: 2k

-

It was later in the evening, and you were curled up on the couch, fingers flipping to the next page of the book you were reading. As you turned the page, you caught sight of your watch, noticing it had gotten pretty late since heeseung left.

He said he was going to the park a few blocks down the road to play basketball he offered for you to come and watch and maybe even shoot a few buckets with him but you declined knowing he got carried away sometimes and would stay for hours so you opted to stay home and relax for a bit while he was out he pouted but still went nevertheless but you’d make it up to him and watch him play next time.

Tonight must’ve been one of those nights seeings how he’s been out for nearly two hours closing your book you reach to your side grabbing your phone about to text him but the moment you open his contact you hear keys jiggling outside the door before it opens revealing your sweet boyfriend. “Hey baby” he smiles at you with his basketball tucked under his arm and comes inside closing the door behind him as he sets his ball down.

“Hi,” you return his smile, happy that he’s finally home. “I was just about to text and see when you were coming home.” You turned off your phone, setting it aside along with the book you were reading.

“Missed me?” He asked playfully while taking off his shoes.

The first thing you noticed when he came through the door was his sweet smile as he greeted you but after he stepped inside the light from the celling highlighted the sheen of sweat layering his lean muscular arms you analyze him a bit more taking in the vein that was showing on his forehead and you noticed underneath his cap his hair was also damp.

Unknowingly you went silent eyeing him up and down you don’t remember him looking this good after playing basketball.

Well he always looked good but right now there was something about seeing him drenched in sweat that was turning you on to a point that even shocked you.

You’ve never needed him like this before. You could feel the heat rise between your legs and your core beginning to throb just at the sight of your boyfriend.

He stepped into the living room further, and the closer he got, the better he looked. “Y-yeah, of course, I missed you,” you whisper, not entirely focused on the words coming out of your mouth.

“I missed you too, sweetheart. I made some good shots. I wish you could have been there to see me,” he replies, going to the kitchen, completely unaware of the way you were shamelessly checking him out and also unaware of all the dirty thoughts stirring in your head.

He comes back to the living room with a bottle of cold water, guzzling it down, and you didn’t miss the opportunity to stare at his Adam’s Apple while he swallows the cold liquid sweat dripping down his neck. “What did you do while I was gone?” He inquired before getting ready to shower.

“Just uhh.” You paused for a minute, throat running dry at the sight of him while you tried to find the words for a proper response. “Just some light reading”

“That’s nice we both needed a little time to have fun” he smiles softly. “I want to hug you but I’m all sweaty” he laughs looking down at his shirt that’s literally sticking to his skin from how soaked it is. “I’m gonna go take a quick shower I was thinking maybe we could just order out and have a chill movie night” he suggests walking towards your guy’s bedroom to get some fresh clothes to change into.

Before he can get too far away, you stop him. “Wait, come here.”

“Yeah?” He asked, head poking out from the hallway. You beckon him closer, and he walks back into the living room.

“I want a hug,” you smiled shyly at him.

“But baby I’m all sweaty” he tugs at his sleeveless shirt showing you the obvious stains of sweat.

“I don’t mind” he raises an eyebrow at you wondering why you were so adamant for a hug but he just assumed you must have really missed him.

And you did, but there was also a little something up your sleeve.

“Come here,” he says tenderly and opens his arms for you. You sit up immediately, hugging him and pressing yourself to his chest, cheek pressed right against his pecs, listening to his heartbeat as his arms circle around you.

You hum softly, eyes closing as you inhale his cologne mixed with the musky smell of his sweat.

“Hmm,” he squeezes you softly, rocking you back and forth.

“I missed you.” his heart warms at your words, and he kisses your forehead.

“Me t-too,” he stutters as you unexpectedly nuzzled into his sweaty neck, lips grazing against his hot skin.

Your hands move from his shoulders to his lower back as you clutch the wet fabric in your hands, your soft lips plating kisses all over the sensitive spot on his neck.

His mouth parted slightly, and his eyes fell shut as he automatically moved his head to the side to give you more clearance to his neck. “Baby…” he whispers, rubbing your back while you litter his neck in sweet kisses, the sensation waking up a desire in him.

You move to lick at his Adam’s apple sucking softly on his flesh, humming at the taste of his salty sweat mixed with his skin as a primal desire quickly takes over your senses.

“Must’ve really missed me,” he chuckled lightly, hands squeezing into your waist.

-

Read full fic on my Patreon!

[tangents-within-tangents]

Ooh! Okay, I love all of that! Thank you for sharing lol you just gave me some epiphanies!

I hadn't quite been able to figure out the significance of Crosshair killing Nolan, like that action specifically, and I think what you said makes a lot of sense! Because it totally wouldn't have worked (narratively or like for the character) if he had just quietly defected after the fact.

Crosshair is really complicated, and since I was focusing more on the comparisons to Emerie I didn't get into all the aspects of his full arc (but at this point why not make the post even longer lolll). But I also noticed how often Crosshair identifies himself as a soldier, I actually originally had this exchange in my analysis:

Rampart: All that time, left for dead and yet you still came back. Why? Crosshair: I’m a soldier of the Empire. Rampart: I see. Your loyalty and determination are commendable.

(which side note, I realize that further shows the difference between those two! Crosshair is there to be a soldier whereas Rampart is just there for himself, like he can't even fathom Crosshair's loyalty after being abandoned like that)

Those recurring ideas of loyalty and purpose are directly tied to Crosshair's identity as a soldier, like that is where he finds his purpose and that's why this is what changes his mind:

Nolan: He served his purpose as a soldier of the Empire.

So the idea that killing Nolan isn't a desperate act of vengeance but Crosshair deliberately giving up his identity as a soldier just really clicks for me and makes that arc feel more complete in a way.

If it was purely self-preservation he could have just defected and run away. That would have been just cutting his losses and leaving the Empire solely because it no longer serves him. But unlike with Cody it's not enough for him to just stop serving the Empire. Instead by killing Nolan he actively rejects the Empire and "seals it in blood" by choosing treason and its consequences. It's like in that act he is 'killing' the soldier that he was for the Empire. (And if we bring the context of Mayday into it, it means that he would rather die defying the Empire than die for them.)

This also ties to my other favorite bit of the vulture symbolism! Which is this moment:

When Crosshair collapses and the stormtroopers close in to take him away, what would appear as his lowest point, the vulture soars upward. To me it shows that even in this dire moment Crosshair truly is finally free. It ensures that this is an internal triumph even if it looks like an external defeat. (And after this turning point he never does go back, even when he could have saved himself by giving Hemlock what he wanted in Tantiss)

So yeah thanks, I didn't quite realize that in killing Nolan he was choosing to be imprisoned or killed as traitor. I think that's a death 'redemption' I could get behind! Because it's not a sudden single sacrifice that supposedly absolves them of all wrongs without ever facing the repercussions (look at that you drew the rant for another time out of me lol), it's him 'killing' the version of himself that did those wrongs, rejecting that identity. It's not 'redeemed' through heroic death, it's like by the death itself (if that makes sense). And since he didn't actually die like he thought he would, he still has to live with the aftermath and implications of that change. Viewing it like that, it makes way more sense that the after-arc in S3 is about rebuilding his identity and finding new purpose with his family: "Omega needs all of us". (which also fits with the hand tremors thing (losing his identifying skill), and more possible parallels with the CX troopers since their "identities were erased" (though that plotline was pretty rushed so I don't even know) but I really like what you said about Ventress and Omega helping him realize things!)

But! He's still only facing the aftermath implications for himself, not for those he hurt with his actions, which is why to me his arc still isn't a 'redemption' in that sense. And @laughhardrunfastbekindsblog (sorry I don't want to keep reblogging my own beast of post lol) yeah it is 100% a valid arc/ change, I guess it depends on your definition of redemption, because to me the amends/accountability part is really important (something this posts (@antianakin) touches on, though I clearly disagree with the purpose of those characters' arcs). And to clarify, I'm not talking about the character himself, or what he's been through or deserves or whatever, it's about how it's written and what the story we are actually given is saying. That's what I'm critiquing.

With the above context I see how the change itself is really vital. I can get what you're saying that it "convinced Howzer that Crosshair had changed for the better, and that was good enough for him." And it is in-character honestly (Crosshair's not much for words) and it works for what it is.

What bothers me with those episodes (I guess we can do this rant now too lol might as well) is how the show/writing treats Howzer. Because it really feels like they are saying Howzer is in the wrong for not immediately accepting Crosshair, even though he has completely legitimate reasons to dislike and distrust Crosshair because of his actions. Even Hunter calls Howzer out when in the last episode he was just as rightfully distrusting of Crosshair's change until they talked it out. Crosshair doesn't show any remorse in those episodes, he comes off as pretty smug and dismissive instead, but Howzer still has to accept it anyway, mostly on his own by just observing Crosshair's behavior.

Like I said, Crosshair has changed and that's great, but he still did those things. The show had the perfect opportunity for him to face that here! To show that he regrets his past actions instead of just telling Hunter, and to act on those regrets by making amends with someone who was affected.

Like I think of this scene from Atla for comparison:

Suki: You kinda burned down my village. Zuko: Oh… sorry about that.

It's simple, it doesn't undo the wrong (reparations) but it still does the bare minimum of amends (and more is done with his reconciliation with the main characters). Yeah Suki can see that Zuko has changed by his actions (and he is actively fighting against the Fire Nation to help others) but they don't expect her to just accept that in and of itself, Zuko still shows and expresses remorse, and doesn't shame Suki for being upset about what happened. But with a very similar scene of 'changed person is confronted by a past wrong' we instead get this:

Howzer: Most of my squad from Ryloth is dead because of you! Crosshair: *blinks* Rex: Easy, Howzer!

Crosshair is confronted with someone who he directly harmed, but instead of exploring his accountability in the aftermath of his change they made it about his victim's acceptance and unearned forgiveness.

Crosshair's arc as it is (described at length above) works for me, but this does not. Like if they had done just this differently I think I honestly would be fine if everything else stays the same and Crosshair never actively goes against the Empire. Because it's not even about screen time, the opportunity was right there to tip the scales into an better-written actual redemption but they just didn't use it!

And I think that is why TBB as a whole has been frustrating me lately lol. The writing was honestly so good at times, so I can never dismiss it out right. But there are also so many ways it could have been SO MUCH better. And it was really close too which almost makes it worse! Because then we see these glimpses of what the show could have been to compare it to. The potential was there they just missed it, or often times actively avoided it. (But that truly is a discussion of another time, I've got a LOT of draft posts in the works lol)

Hot take:

Crosshair does not have the Imperial disillusionment and redemption arc of The Bad Batch

Emerie does.

Crosshair has an arc for sure yes but it's not that.

I was thinking about this scene:

and how it got right what this scene kinda didn't:

(It was so close but then bad writing decided to undercut the moment with a joke rip)

And I think it's really interesting that these characters who were more or less raised into the Empire/First Order and chose to leave it are all directly asked why.

But take a look at Crosshair's answers in comparison:

Different context for the asking, yes, but still, compare that to clones like Howzer, Cody, Slip and Cade who left or turned against the Empire because they knew what the Empire is doing is wrong and they weren't just going to blindly follow orders:

Crosshair - Loyalty, Purpose, and Survival

Crosshair didn't choose to join the Empire (though the show isn't very clear or consistent about how much control the inhibitor chips have) but he did, for whatever reason, choose to stay. By the end of S1 we know his chip has been removed and as he definitively says "This is who I am." There were likely still other influences on his decision, but listen to how he talks about the Empire in the S1 finale:

Hunter: Crosshair, I've seen what the Empire is doing. Occupying planets and silencing anyone who stands against them. You know it's not right. Crosshair: You still don’t see the bigger picture, but you will. Hunter: Can't you see they're using you?

Crosshair: We’re not like the regs, we never have been. We’re superior. The Empire can’t protect the galaxy without strength, this is what we were made for. Think of all we could do, together!

Crosshair: You all are meant for more than drifting through the galaxy. It’s time to stop running. Join the Empire, and you will have purpose again.

Hunter: They destroyed an entire city! Crosshair: They did what needed to be done. Kamino, regs, the Republic, that time is over. The Empire will control the entire galaxy, and I am going to be a part of it. Hunter: Don't fool yourself. All you'll ever be to them is a number.

He undeniably knows what the Empire is doing, but he does not care. In fact it sure sounds like he actually supports it and finds self-meaning in it. Hunter spends those episodes trying to convince him it's wrong, he doesn't change his mind. In the end they offer him an out and he doesn't take it.

Wrecker: You coming with us? Crosshair: None of this changes anything. Hunter: You offered us a chance, Crosshair. This is yours. Crosshair: I made my decision.

The next we see Crosshair in "The Solitary Clone" (S2:E3) he follows orders and shoots the Desix governor, right after Cody heartbreakingly tries to do what's right and find a peaceful solution.

Cody: Tell me something, Crosshair. This new Empire, are we making the galaxy better? Crosshair: We’re soldiers, we do what needs to be done. Cody: You know what makes us different from battle droids? We make our own decisions, our own choices. And we have to live with them too.

After this (glorious!) conversation, Crosshair stays. Maybe this began to seed some doubts, but he actually smiles a few scenes later when Rampart assigns him another mission. It seems like for him it truly is as he said in S1:E1 (chip not enhanced yet but still influencing him enough for his brothers to notice he's acting strange):

Crosshair: Republic, Empire... what's the difference.

Crosshair: Orders are orders.

This unethical mission that finally pushed Cody over the edge does not change Crosshair's mind about the Empire, at least not enough for him to take action.

But what does?

Mayday: And here we are, the survivors. Combat troopers stuck babysitting cargo shipments. Crosshair: Mission’s a mission. Mayday: Yeah, I used to say the same thing.

Mayday: After all the clones have done, all we’ve sacrificed. We’re good soldiers, we followed orders. And for what?

This mission has nothing to do with how the fascist Empire treats the galaxy, it's about how they treat their soldiers. It's about how Mayday loyally fought and served his whole life and Lieutenant Nolan let him die

Lt Nolan: He served his purpose as a soldier of the Empire. Crosshair: You could have saved him! Lt Nolan: Perhaps you didn’t hear me, he is expendable, as are you.

Crosshair thought he could find purpose within the Empire, and Nolan shows him exactly what that will be.

His turning point is accompanied with this powerful visual of the ice vulture, a symbol (and threat) of death, and also set up within the episode a symbol of survival:

Mayday: Vicious creatures, but you have to admire ‘em. They find a way to survive.

This critical moment (that gives me chills, oof this episode is a masterpiece!) comes right after Nolan calls him expendable and directly threatens him:

Lt Nolan: And if you speak to me again with such disrespect I'll see to it you meet a similar fate, clone.

then Crosshair sees the vulture's shadow and turns to Mayday's dead body (ahh visual storytelling my beloved) then makes his decision:

Crosshair turns against the Empire not because he believes Hunter was right about this:

Hunter: I've seen what the Empire is doing ... You know it's not right.

but because he was right about this:

Hunter: All you'll ever be to them is a number.

Redemption (both in fiction and irl in my humble opinion) comes with making amends and reparations (which is why death 'redemptions' bother me so much but that's a rant for another time). Unlike Emerie, Crosshair never explicitly denounces the Empire or his own actions within it. He never says anything to specifically show if and how his views have changed from what he said on Kamino. He makes amends with his family (sending the warning message, helping Omega escape, making up with Hunter) but that's about it. The most we get in terms of acknowledgement is this:

Crosshair: I thought I knew what I was getting into with the Empire. I thought I was being a good soldier. Hunter: Nobody really understood what was happening back then. Crosshair: I’ve... done things. I’ve made mistakes. Hunter: I have regrets too, Crosshair. All we can do is keep trying to be better, and who knows there just might be hope for us yet.

Which is nice and all but it's more about them making up as brothers so it's way too excusing tbh ("no one knew what was happening back then" ummm? "The Empire will control the entire galaxy, and I am going to be a part of it" remember? And even if at first Crosshair was being controlled by the chip, the fact that he chose to stay after it was removed* means he condones and is therefore still accountable for those actions).

There's also a bit of self-destructive guilt:

Crosshair: Omega, don't risk anything for me. I belong in here.

Crosshair: Omega needs you both. So I’m doing this alone, it’s what I deserve. Hunter: Don’t even think about plan 99, Crosshair. Omega needs all of us.

(which thank you Hunter for pushing back on the death redemption bs and oh look is that a wrap up for the purpose thing?)

But there's no action taken on his part to make up for what he's done or to stand against the Empire (aside from the bare minimum of help with Tantiss, only after it became personally relevant, which like yeah he had trauma to deal with but still).

While I do think the implications/follow-up of Crosshair's turn should have been handled better in S3 (like rip Howzer! he deserved an apology, but that's a rant for another time), I don't necessarily** think this arc is a bad writing choice. It's just saying different things than we expect:

Maybe Crosshair's story is not about standing up against an unjust system, like we see with many other characters (who deserved more screen time but that's a rant for another timeeee). Maybe his story is about how even those who are loyal to the Empire, who actually believe in it, still suffer under and within it's rule. Not to garner sympathy, but to show that there is no winning.

Crosshair has another 'so what changed' convo in S3:E14 with Rampart, in which they draw parallels to each other:

Rampart: You used to believe good soldiers followed orders. Crosshair: Depends on who's giving them. The Empire betrayed us both. Rampart: And you think you can fight them? That's not you. You're like me, loyal to no one but yourself. Crosshair: I've changed.

(note how he says who's giving the orders, not what the orders are)

"Loyal to no one but yourself" describes Rampart much more than Crosshair, since we often saw Crosshair pride himself as a loyal soldier of the Empire whereas we saw Rampart abuse power to be self-serving within the Empire (like when he killed Wilco to save face). But they were both betrayed either way. Vice Admiral Rampart, snively Imperial opportunist through-and-through, shouts "I was following orders!" as he is arrested for the Empire's purposes.

Even Hemlock, the final boss immoral Imperial scientist, who has to be benefiting the most from this system, echoes the expendability idea:

Hemlock: What I am working on is beyond your understanding. Something so vital to the Empire it makes me indispensable.

Then there's CX-2, also set up as a parallel/foil to Crosshair (fight me), who in the end is discarded as no more than a weapon, a tool that served it's purpose, showing us what would have become of Crosshair if he had stayed.

There is no winning in the Empire. Loyalty is not rewarded, it "doesn't go both ways." Everyone has to fight for their value. Even high ranking individuals** who for a time benefit from the injustice, in the end are just pawns to be used up and cast aside at a whim for the Emperor's gain. Even people who are motivated by self-interest alone cannot survive within this system, the only viable option in this galaxy is to fight the Empire and dismantle that system. (unless you conveniently find a magically safe island to hide away on but that's a rAnT fOr AnOtHeR tImE)

Which brings us back to...

Emerie - Cooperation, Compassion, and Choice

(Okay this post has already gotten away from me but I still want to talk about her to show the contrasts.)

Emerie may not have been given a lot of screen time to really flesh out her development, but there is a lot that is pretty clearly implied with her:

Crosshair: They’ll never turn her [Omega] over. Hemlock: They don’t have a choice. She is a clone, and therefore Imperial property. *Camera cuts to an angle more centered on Emerie’s face*

Crosshair: Give me your access card! Emerie: It won’t get you outside!

Emerie: I tried to warn him what would happen if he did not cooperate with the Doctor.

Emerie: Prisoner? Omega, you are no such thing. It will take time to adjust, but you will acclimate. It is far safer in here than out there.

Emerie: You should go back to your room. Crosshair: You mean her cell?

Emerie: Why children? Hemlock: Children are easier to attain and more agreeable to the subjugations. They are unaware of why they are here and what they possess.

Emerie: They're children. Like I was... Was your plan to discard them too? Nala Se: The Empire will keep them in order to control them.

We don't know a lot about Emerie's background, but it's clear that she had a lot less choice than Crosshair and less opportunity or ability to leave. Unlike Crosshair, we never directly hear Emerie's views of the Empire (and she was most likely 'taken under Hemlock's wing' before the Empire even came to power), but lets look at how she talks about the Tantiss:

"Remain calm. Cooperate and you might survive."

"Don't make this worse, Crosshair! There is no escape!"

"All of us serve a purpose here."

"The Doctor will inform me, if it's necessary."

"It's best not to ask questions."

"Escape is not possible, Omega. This is for your own good."

She honestly does the best she can within the system she is also trapped in. She tries to help Crosshair, Omega, and the vault kids in the only way she knows how (warns Crosshair about the hounds and security, tries to protect Omega from Hemlock, tells Scorch his "actions were extreme" with Jax, insists on overseeing Bayrn's retrieval, double checks his m-count (to give him an out), and tries to find out where he came from). When she gives Omega, and later Eva, the doll, I think it shows just how little she really is able to do here (and it's kinda heartbreaking imo).

The framing of this shot especially (after Jax's escape attempt) visually shows how Emerie herself is trapped/imprisoned:

Despite the fact that very little of this is Emerie's fault, she has very little power and she is doing all she can, the narrative does not excuse her role in the Empire:

Nala Se: What will you do, Emerie? Emerie: There is nothing I can do. I don't have that kind of power. Nala Se: Don't you?

Emerie: I- I was doing my job. Echo: Yeah, I’ve heard that before. You’re a clone. How can you be part of this?

These fighting-the-Bystander-Effect conversations parallel these exchanges:

Hunter: We made a choice, and so did you. Crosshair: Soldiers follow orders. Hunter: Blind allegiance makes you a pawn.

Crosshair: We’re soldiers, we do what needs to be done. Cody: You know what makes us different from battle droids? We make our own decisions, our own choices. And we have to live with them too.

which did not change Crosshair's mind. And honestly, all respect to Echo's disappointed mom glare™ but I think it's clear Emerie had already made her decision, she just needed help to actually be able to do anything about it. When she stopped Echo, with her voice wavering on the verge of tears (ahhh v good voice acting), she clearly had no intention of turning him in. She's on her own in the Empire's most secure facility with very little resources, if she had tried anything on her own she most likely would have failed and been killed

Omega: Emerie, you don't have to do this. Emerie: (sigh) I’m sorry, but I do.

but as soon as she is enabled by an ally, she immediately turns around to help: giving information and getting Echo through security, helping the kids escape, and giving Omega the tablet that allows them to free the other clone prisoners.

Where Crosshair's turn is accompanied by the symbolic imagery of the ice vulture, Emerie's is the removal of her (literally rose-tinted!) glasses:

Symbolizing how she has shed her previous views/indoctrination that altered her perception of the Empire and blinded her to it's wrongs. It's disillusionment.

Emerie's story shows us that even those who are raised and indoctrinated into this system can, should, and will escape (with needed help). Even those who did not choose to be apart of the Empire and are not making the decisions still have the responsibility and ability to act on what they know is right.

Emerie, whose name means 'Home strength' 'Brave' and 'Powerful', and "reflects the importance of leadership and authority in the workplace".***

While Emerie is only in one more scene after her turn, so the wrap up is a bit rushed, she still very simply does what Crosshair does not:

Emerie: Because I was wrong about this place. And I'm trying to do the right thing.

Echo: I’m sure Senator Chuchi would find what you have to say very helpful for our cause. Emerie: I have a lot to make up for. I’d like to help out however I can.

She admits wrong, takes accountability, commits to making amends, and leaves with Echo to go take on the Empire (which hopefully we will get to actually see more of some day).

So, in short, she's showing us how redemption is done right!

---

Notes:

*Whether this writing choice was good/logical/in-character or not is another discussion entirely, but I'm going off of what we were given, what the show is presenting in the canon text and (reasonably inferred/intentional) subtext. Crosshair is pretty multifaceted and I could only touch on so much here. There's a lot of ways to interpret his character/choices, but I tried to avoid the realm of speculation or fanon explanations (even if they sometimes make more sense lol).

**History and political theory are not my area of expertise at all, so I have NO idea how well this aligns with real-world fascism stuff and therefore what implications this storytelling choice could have. I think the message of like 'if you think you could survive or gain power by doing what the Empire/fascist system wants you are wrong' could be good (like how everyone is actually harmed by the patriarchy type of a thing), but I hesitate bc maybe there are those who would benefit, since it's a hierarchal system, right? If anyone more knowledgeable than me has incite to share, by all means

Either way, I do think it works in-story and in-universe though. It's just in the execution. The main problem (even from a strictly theme/character arc stand point) is the lacking follow-up/consequences for Crosshair in S3. Like you gave your character accountability by removing the chip and I think that's great setup for an arc but you gotta follow through with that and actually hold him accountable!

***I'm always curious when clones have 'normal' names, like why did they chose the name Emerie of all things? So I looked it up. Idk how reliable sources are for name meanings so take it with a grain of salt but it's still fun. Fits pretty well, and clones names have definitely had significant meanings in the past (like how Rex and Jesse both mean 'king') so I'm pretty sure it was intentional.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my tedtalk

[unhingedgirlythings]

FUCK IT

SUMMERY : Reader gets her date interrupted when Hotch calls up asking for her to get to the BAU. Reader rushes over still dressed up and a certain dr can’t keep her eyes off her teehee.

Tags:fem reader , a huge amount of awkwardness, reader is over her love life

A/N: I WANTED AWKWARD SPENCER REID, bare with me tho cuz I haven’t written a fanfic since I was 13 and it was horrible so please be kind and let me know your thoughts :))) enjoyyy.

——————///—————///--——————///——————

You were used to your phone ringing at the WORST possible times, I mean with your job that was something you just had to prepare yourself for. Serial killers don’t take a break just so you can have a girls night out or take a nice relaxing bath after a long day. Although never in your life did you imagine the wave of relief that would wash over you as the all too familiar ringtone blared from your phone. Normally you would groan and feel your body grow more exhausted whilst hesitantly picking up the phone, but not tonight. Nope. Fortunately for hotch, you couldn’t have answered the phone faster. “what’s up” low and behold hotch was on the other end requesting your presence ASAP!

You tried to hide your glee as you glanced over at the douche-ist blind date that the great quote on quote “matchmaker” of the century Garcia, had raved on about the week before. To be fair the date didn’t start off bad, it was actually the most decent one you’ve had yet. Honestly you were ready to finally praise Penelope for actually finding you a decent man to take your mind off the unrequited school girl crush that you had on a certain “kid” genius. somehow you escaped the dude who clearly was stuck in some frat boy mindset, well not without some snarky comment made towards you which you shut down a little harsher then needed but seriously you couldn’t hold back anymore, you had no idea what possessed Penelope into thinking you would EVER consider going home with the king of fucking douchebags (most likely the biceps and tight clothing that the man sported). Nevertheless here you were speeding down the freeway, thinking way too hard about your love life completely blanking and forgetting to drop by your apartment to quickly change into something more work appropriate.

Before you knew it you’ve parked your car, walking into the cold air. A shiver runs down your body and the shock hits you when you realize. Here you are in a little skimpy black dress that clings to your curves in “just the right way” according to Penelope before shoving you out into your car heading to that horrible excuse of a date, “ahh shit. Fucken seriously! Of course this is just my luck … I mean at least I look good” groaning and mumbling to yourself, you make your way into the building. You knew Hotch would be understanding, I mean you never know when you’re gonna be called in and it sounded urgent so yeah, sometimes you and your coworkers walk in with inappropriate work wear. You will never forget the time he called everyone in at god knows what time, Spencer had walked into the room with his pjs sporting a fluffy dress robe, you seriously thought someone was going to have to perform cpr on you that night.

Walking into the building in heels was definitely a pain in your ass, but you managed as you pushed the briefing room door open. A low wolf whistle from Derek Morgan was the last thing you needed right now “damn sweetheart, who knew you could clean up so nicely“ As you make your way into the room, you playfully roll your eyes at him.“haha very funny” you cringed as everyone’s attention was now drawn to you. while taking a seat next to JJ, wishing to be wearing literally anything else “Sorry Hotch, i came straight from..” you hesitate for a second, glancing around before continuing “A date, but this sounded important so I didn’t have time to change”The stoned faced man simply nods at you “It’s fine. You're here, right now we have a lot to cover” He starts debriefing the team, leaving no detail out of the case, no matter how brutal, you tried your hardest to give him your unwavering attention, but you could feel someone’s eyes on you. And out of the corner of your eye see him. Spencer.

His stare was hot and intense, and fuck was it making you become a flustered mess. You glanced at him from your peripheral trying your best to be subtle about it, it was getting harder and harder to focus on Hotch and the case, not Reid. But when his puppy dog eyes drifted up, down and all over your body, your body involuntarily reacted, slightly squirming in your seat. Before you could stop yourself, your eyes turn and lock onto his gorgeous brown ones, a smirk graces your lips as he finally notices your eyes now on him. Looking like a kid being caught with his hand in the cookie jar, he turns pink from the embarrassment and shame of being caught, and god did that make your head spin. Now it was his turn to awkwardly squirm in his seat while staring at Hotch with all his attention. You giggle under your breath at his fumbling awkwardness. Before you know it everyone around you starts to pack up their things and stand up, leaving you confused. Of course you spent the whole debriefing paying so little attention to the case and more on Spencer.

Sighing, you pull the hem of your dress down as you stand trying to save yourself from even more embarrassment. “soooo how did it go? Was he as yummy as you’d hoped?” Garcia wraps her arms around yours as you try not to stumble down the stairs towards your desk “you, my love are officially banned from meddling in my love life” you could already hear the trail of complaints bouncing around in her head as you plopped down onto your desk chair, reaching for the new case folder hoping to catch yourself up before take off in the morning “aww come on I for sure thought you’d be jumping his bones, all those rippling muscles, who In Their right mind could resist” the thought of the man you had seen a few hours prior put a foul taste in your mouth, causing your face to scrunch up in disgust “he was a complete dick, he legit referred to himself as an “alpha male” AN ALPHA ,Only thing I wanted to jump , was off a building at that point” a defeated look from her was all the conformation you needed, no longer were you going on blind dates, and your love life was back to being non existent and sad “sorry Pen I tried, I really really tried, you just have horrific taste in men like my god do we need to get you some help. These guys are basically human garbage” whilst looking up your eyes naturally drift and settle on Spencers desk frowning as you watch him, his heads buried in the case file whilst obsessively jotting down notes like some multitasking god, your heart couldn’t help but pine after his more, the looks you shared moments before didn’t help your case either. Resting your chin in the palm of your hand, you drag your eyes away trying to spare yourself from going into one of your Spencer Reid spirals. You look up at Penelope already disliking the pitiful look she was giving you “are you sure your ready to give up?, I mean I know this cute guy who would be super into you, he's just your type “the new voice startled you, turning in your seat you’re met with Emily smirking down at you whilst leaning against your desk inserting herself into the conversation with JJ beside her “wow ok fun, are we all just gonna just dive head first into my personal life?, don’t we have a case to work on?” trying to deter the subject of the conversation off of you was a bust, as the women you call friends gleam down at you with a shared look “yeah no this is too entertaining to sit out on.” you couldn’t believe you were having this conversation right now, letting out a groan you leaned back in your chair covering your face in hopes of hiding the redness in your cheeks “sweetheart, what you need is a good ol one night stand, get a certain pretty boy out of your system” if you weren’t already melting into a puddle of embarrassment, you definitely were now “Morgan shut up please for the love of everything holy”

you could only pray Spencer wasn’t paying attention to the little group that was forming at your desk, maybe he was being good and reading the case file like the rest of them should be doing but of course luck wasn’t in your favor tonight “what are we talking about?” Before you could shut the whole conversation down Morgan happily answered Spencer “oh, we were just discussing Y/L/N’s love life. I think she needs a good root, what do you think?” that stupid smirk Morgan was happily wearing was enough to make your blood boil, now you truly wished to disappear “ok ok that’s enough” you shoot up from your seat avoiding any eye contact with Spencer not wanting to see his reaction to your humiliating red face “conversation over, my love life is going back to being non existent, thank you for your concern but it’s over, officially dead so no more talking about it.” you snatch the file off your desk ready to get the hell out of whatever situation you found yourself in “i'm going home to at least get some sleep before we leave tomorrow or I’ll be a zombie all day” with that you hastily made your way out of the building and into the cool night air once again.

wrapping your arms around yourself in hopes to provide some warmth, you slowly make your way to the car park. Before you could make it to your car you could hear foot steps getting closer and closer until they were right behind you, stopping along with yours once you had reached front of your car. Quickly spinning around you slam them onto the car's hood, arm in your hand, face down and pinned.

“Ow ow ow ow Ow!” Shit. It was Spencer. The man you’ve been daydreaming about and here you were pinning him to the hood of your car. “oh shit sorry, my god, don’t walk up on me like that holy shit Spence you scared me” you pull away off him whilst letting go of his arm and backing away a little. Spencer lets out a hiss of pain as he pushes himself off the hood, rubbing his arm to try and relieve the pain “sorry I was just trying to make sure you got to your car safely. It’s late a-and” he looks at your dress whilst clearing his throat looking away awkwardly “are you ok? you seemed upset in there” he looks back at you whilst giving you a smile that made you wanna pass away on the spot “yeah I’m ok, just having your dating life put on full blast in front of the team like that can be a tad embarrassing” silence was the only response you were met with, you glance up at Spencer trying to think of something, anything to say in this moment “you look really nice by the way, it’s unfortunate your date turned out that way.” His eyes meet yours, your breath gets caught in your throat as heat creeps up your neck to your face “t-thanks” tugging on the hem of your dress you smile sheepishly “not the most comfortable outfit, honestly wish Pen let me wear my sweater but you know”

“Penelope” you both say, you giggle as Spencer chuckles. “Oh by the way, I thought you may want these, may help a little tomorrow” he hands you the notes he took from the briefing, Your fingertips brush against his, the feeling of warmth from his hands sends a shiver down your spine. “Thanks Spence. I appreciate it” you stand there longer than needed before you start to turn away from him. “You know, that even though there aren't any hard statistics, it’s roughly estimated that every 1 in 3 or 4 blind dates actually end up as a success” he rambles on, looking back at him you try to pay attention but you can’t stop your eyes from sifting down towards his lips “so there is a chance” his voice fades away as his words become background noise and your thoughts become louder and louder, all you could think about was him, the feeling of wanting only grew stronger with each passing minute. It didn’t help that his lips were tempting you, calling you in. you couldn’t hold yourself back much longer, will power growing weaker and weaker “fuck it” your body moves before commen sense had its time to put a stop to whatever ridiculous thoughts you had muster up, suddenly your lips press onto his without thinking it through. It was short and one sided yet sweet, the faint taste of coffee and sugar overwhelmed your senses

The sudden realization hits you hard as you push yourself off Reid, the feelings of regret and fear settles itself in your stomach making you feel sick “Sorry I wasn’t thinking, shit sorry, forget that happened ok” you back away keeping your eyes glued to the ground in fear that you’ll look up and only see rejection written on his face. What in the hell possessed you to do that?, why the fuck did you do that, the only reason you kept your feelings shoved down was to protect your friendship with Spencer, nothing meant more to you then the bond you both shared and now you’ve ruined it and for what? A stupid kiss? “wait, uh No no it was just unexpected I didn’t hate it actually quite the opposite” your head snaps back up at a red faced flustered Spencer Reid “don't apologize“ his warm hands warp around your cold ones as he steps closer to you once again “did you um maybe want to try that again? Only if you want to though I don’t want you to regret anything” you giggle as he starts to nervously stumble over his words, this time more confident in your actions your lips find his for the second time tonight.

The taste of coffee meets your lips again as your body relaxes into the kiss, which is very reciprocated this time. The warmth radiating from Spencer chases the cold night air away. As your bodies shuffle closer together. you both hesitantly pull away from each, you wanted to stay here in this moment for as long as possible but of course your bed was calling your name along with the early flight departure. “I should go” you really didn’t want to “I know“ his hands stayed on your waist for a moment before slipping away “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow” the sweet look on his face drove you crazy, the urge to say fuck it and stay with him for the remainder of the night was overpowered by the sleepless night before, you settle for placing a goodnight kiss on his cheek instead “night Spence” winking you open your car door and make your way in, you turn the car on and roll the window down to call out to him as he backs away with a smug smirk on his face “sweet dreams pretty boy” with that you drive away replaying the events of tonight in your mind, god you couldn’t wait to get the case over with so you could finally have a date that wasn’t going to end in ruins, especially with the man you’ve been crushing on since your first day, yeah no you weren’t going to get any sleep tonight now.

[absurdthirst]

Finding Refuge {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5.8k

Warnings: Age gap (reader's age is not specified - make it as large or as narrow as your heart desires), teasing, fingering, slightly domineering Joel, arthritis, orgasm denial by accident, unspoken feelings, Joel in therapy, threats, protective Joel, angst, rough sex, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, fucking out your feelings, confessions

Comments: We had some thots after the season premier and you know we gotta insert ourselves in this story. And change Joel's fate.

A/N: There was a post from @strang3lov3 talking about how sexy Joel was with his bifocals, age spots and arthritis and it was like 'yeah....let's fuck this old man' 🥴😅

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

Walking through the streets, the ice and snow crunch under your moderately worn boots. Boots you are thankful to have new soles on since the cobbler had gotten over the pneumonia he had been fighting. His apprentice was good, just not quite as good as Mike is. Shoving your hands in your pockets, you see the house ahead, currently torn to pieces and being put back together for a new family to live in. Grinning to yourself because you know where you will find him when you open the door. Seated at the table, the bifocals that you tease him about perched on the edge of his nose. Sometimes muttering to himself as he tinkers with whatever has captured his attention and makes his achy hands work. You stomp off the snow, opening the door to a house that isn’t much warmer than the street outside and find Joel exactly where you thought you would. “What are you working on now?” You ask, walking up behind him and rubbing his shoulder slightly, basking in the small touches that he doesn’t reject anymore.

Joel knows he shouldn’t tense but he does a little. So unused to tender touches like the ones you give him. He doesn’t think he deserves them. The last person who touched him like this was Tess. He doesn’t think he deserves it after all the blood he’s spilled. “Breakers. They were gonna toss them but they just need the spring replaced.” He explains and you nod, leaning closer. “Can you teach me?” You ask, eager to learn whatever you can from him. He nods, adjusting his glasses and he gestures to the chair next to him.

It’s not that you really care about this stuff, you do, but it’s more about spending time with him. When he’s talking about building houses, about anything connected to before the outbreak, he opens up. Talks. Can ramble for hours about electrical code and permits, making you giggle to yourself when he repeats a story and doesn’t even realize it. Sitting next to him, you smell the warm, spicy scent that is unique to Joel. Turning your head so you can see the silver in his hair, the lines and age spots on his face that you find fascinating. He’s a handsome man, so fucking sexy, and he doesn’t even know what those eyes do to you.

Joel can feel you watching him as he starts to point out the different parts of the breaker he's fixing. "Otherwise your whole house is gonna be on fire." He says and turns his head to find you watching him. "You learnin' or fuckin' me with those eyes?" He asks, eyebrows raised and his eyes twinkle with slight amusement at your dazed expression.

“Can’t a girl do both?” You ask, biting your lip as your eyes flick down to his mouth. “You have great hands.” You praise. “Have I ever told you that?” Reaching for them, you pluck the breaker out of his hands and your fingers trace over work rough, calloused skin. “Sturdy, strong.” You hum. “Nimble.”

He snorts, wondering if you’re even talking about him or imagining a ghost of your past. “You like when they are inside you.” He murmurs and you fluster as you trace his fingers and over the sunspots on his hands. “You wanna learn?” He asks and you nod, lifting your eyes to meet his. “Good. You’re gonna learn. Come sit on my lap.” He orders, pushing his chair back and he pats his lap before he picks up the breaker again.

You smirk slightly as you push off your chair and wiggle your ass suggestively as you settle into his lap. You can feel the bulge that will harden underneath you, twitch, not immune to you as much as he pretends. “Learn me something then.” You tease, twisting around to grin at him as he frowns back at you. You’re used to his frowns, his gruffness, not taking offense to it at all. You’ve pushed past him not wanting you around. 

Joel snorts at your grin, picking up the pliers. “Watch. You’re gonna fix this.” He orders gruffly, “you gotta be gentle. Nothing heavy handed when it comes to stuff this small. We can’t break it because we don’t have any more.” He explains and he hands the pliers to you, his fingers brushing yours as you take the tool.

You love the little jolt of pleasure that flashes through you at his touch. Joel is not considered a gentle man by most people’s estimations. He’s hard at times, unyielding when it comes to those he loves, especially Ellie. Fiercely protective. Most see it as being bullish but you see the care, the concern, the fear of loss behind it. So it doesn’t bother you like it might others. “Okay.” You murmur, focusing on the breaker since he wants to teach you this.

His hand guides yours, showing you how to gently remove the spring. “That’s it.” He murmurs, leaning in closer towards you, and his hands shift to your waist as he watches you gently remove the spring. “Good girl.” He praises you roughly and his fingers trail down to the button of your jeans, popping it open. “Concentrate.” He orders when your hand shakes as you pick up the new spring.

Fuck. He’s in a teasing mood. Your brain seems to melt, forgetting what he had just told you about fixing this stupid thing as his hand slides under your shirt, into your pants. Chuckling when he discovers you aren’t wearing any panties. “Plan to get fucked today?” He growls in your ear, but you shake your head. “Laundry day.” You lie. “Too cold to wash clothes last week.”

He snorts, knowing you’re lying. He’s lived too many lives to not read people nowadays. “Right. Now get the spring and you’re gonna want to carefully - carefully - put the new one in place. You gotta be slow.” He commands while his fingers find your clit and start to run slow circles on your bundle of nerves.

“Joel-“ you whimper, making his fingers freeze over your clit, not even pressing. “You have to be quiet.” He chides, even though the crews working outside couldn’t hear you unless they come inside and no one really disturbs Joel unless it’s urgent. “Really?” You huff and he smirks against your neck. “Get back to work.” He instructs.

Your hand shakes slightly as you grip the pliers, picking up the spring from the table. “Doin’ good, girl.” He murmurs, rubbing your clit again as you bite your lip, trying to focus. “Keep it slow. Wanna make sure it’s in there nice and tight.”

“Shit.” You hiss, making him pull his fingers back again. You bite your lip and lean over the table, trying to concentrate and desperately wanting him to touch you again. “You gonna behave?” He asks, but you don’t answer, knowing he doesn’t want you too. You very carefully pick up the spring again to replace it.

He watches you, glasses perched on his nose, and he continues to rub your clit. “You can do it.” He reassures you gruffly, cock hardening beneath you as you whimper, biting your lip to try and concentrate.

It’s so fucking hard to concentrate when he’s touching you. Especially when he’s trying to make you break. Your hands shake slightly. “Gotta be able to work through distractions.” He breathes in your ear. “Distractions can get you killed if you’re not careful.”

You inhale deeply and he bites his lip to conceal his smirk as he watches you struggle to focus while he circles your clit with his fingers. "That's it baby. Doin' good." He murmurs when you manage to get the spring in position. "Now tighten it up." He murmurs, fingers continuing to work you over.

The screws are tiny and you huff slightly, swallowing harshly when he taps your clit in reprimand before starting to slowly drive you inside. Your walls are aching to have him push his fingers inside you, but you know he won’t until he’s good and ready. “Fuck.” You grumble when you drop the tiny screwdriver after putting the pliers down.

Joel tuts, pausing his touch, “pick it up.” He orders and you whine softly, making him pinch your clit. You gasp, gripping the pliers, and he chuckles, “concentrate.”

Your eyes flutter closed and you take a deep breath, trying to calm down and do what he tells you to. “Yes Joel.” You murmur softly, opening your eyes again to concentrate on fixing the breaker.

He’s hard now and eager to see you fall apart for him. He grunts when you grind down onto him, continuing to rub your clit. “That’s it, baby.” He murmurs, biting down on your earlobe and he shifts his hand back to give you what you need. Pushing two thick digits into your pussy.

Your breath catches and it’s the lack of sounds that keeps him from pulling his fingers out. He doesn’t stop, starting to pump them in and out of your slick walls. It feels incredible, making you tremble as you continue to work on the part, finally managing to put it back together with the new spring.

Joel grins when you put it back together, a smug look on your face until he wipes it off by pushing his fingers to find that spot that makes you fall apart. He finds it within seconds and you moan his name, leaning back against his shoulder. “That’s it. Good girl.” He coos, “damn good girl.” He praises until and you pant, “Joel. Gonna - fuck. I’m gonna-” Joel hisses, a searing pain in his hand and he stops his movements, unable to do anything but pull his hand from your pussy and out of your pants. Shaking it to try and eliminate the pain.

“No, no, noooooo-“ you think that he’s punishing you at first, teasing you more. Eyes flying open and you drop the tools to grab his hand until you hear his grunts of pain. Twisting around in worry, you see the frustration, the disappointment in himself, swimming in his eyes. It’s not ideal, but your first line of defense is teasing. “Can’t get it done, old man?” You hum, picking up his hand and rubbing his knuckles gently, ignoring how wet his fingers are with your juices.

He’s so mad that his damn arthritis has robbed you of your orgasm. “Shit.” He mutters, looking down at you caressing his knuckles, “sorry, darlin’.” He sighs and leans in to softly kiss your cheek. “It’s okay, old man.” You tease him and he snorts, “tongue still works just fine,”

“Might have to take you up on that. Later.” You sigh softly and let go of his hand. “But for now, I gotta go.” You admit, wishing you can stay. “Have to go out.” You know that Joel tried to keep Ellie from scouting even though she’s old enough, but he hasn’t even tried to talk you out of it, knowing that would be useless. “You gonna be at the thing tonight?”

Joel tilts his head in uncertainty, a habit he’d picked up over a lifetime. He feels guilty for teasing you but he knows he can make it up to you another time. “Maybe. I don’t - I don’t think so.” He confesses, biting his lip. “I gotta go soon. I’m, uh, I’m seeing Gail.” You know about his deal with her, having told him it’s a good idea to seek some help after you caught him having a panic attack.

“Don’t forget her baggie.” You remind him, standing up and buttoning up your jeans. You lean down and kiss his cheek again. Joel sometimes doesn’t want a kiss on his lips and while you would always want them, you don’t judge him for that. “Then I’ll see you sometime.” You straighten and wink playfully. “Later, old man.”

He rolls his eyes and snorts until he winks at you, knowing he needs to show you some affection. He sighs and taps his damn fingers on the table as you walk out of the room. He wants to meet Maria first to discuss the progress before he heads off to see Gail. 

**** 

“There’s this thing called a constructo-meter. You see, you crank this dial and-” Maria rolls her eyes at her brother in law. “You’d think you getting laid would mean you’d be less grumpy.” She snorts, looking out at the newly arrived refugees.

Joel huffs, wanting to deny it, but Tommy knows better and whatever Tommy knows, Maria knows. Joel turns his attention to the list of problems he has. “With the manpower we have, I don’t see any of this gettin’ done until summer.” He admits, although Maria is still looking out the window at something below. “This window isn’t keeping the cold out anymore.” She says and he looks up from his notes. “Yeah, yeah, caulk.”

Maria knows that Joel wants to protect the town and in his mind, that means keeping out refugees, even if he was one himself once upon a time. When his nephew runs in the room, Joel grins and his cold heart warms for the little boy, watching Maria greet him before he shows him the map.

He actually really likes kids. The part of him that he had thought died the day Sarah had has been slowly coming back to him. Ellie helped awaken a part of him that had been dormant but then his nephew brought it to life.

Maria watches Joel and when Tommy strides in, she watches her husband embrace her son with the rifle slung over his back. Tommy asks about the dial and Joel snorts, making Maria roll her eyes at the brothers. “You know he’s gotta go tonight.” Maria says your name, “I’m sure she will be there.” Tommy raises his eyebrows and looks at Joel who huffs, “she don’t wanna be seen with an old man like me.”

It’s Maria’s turn to huff, knowing you don’t give a damn about what people think. You would proudly walk down any street in Jackson with Joel, if he would just open his eyes. “You need to get your glasses checked if you believe that.” She tells him. “If you just asked her to move in with you, we could have another house already ready for another family.” She points out, brows raised. 

Joel sighs, rubbing his temple before he removes his glasses, he looks at the clock on Maria’s desk and sighs, “I gotta go.” He’s been running behind all day. He pretends to get shot by Benji and chuckles as he leaves the office. His mind is silent as he makes his way to Gail’s, the guilt of seeing Eugene’s things hitting him every time he walks in the door.

It doesn’t go well. He leaves before the hour is up, long before the timer goes off. The guilt burrowed deeper, even though he knows he did the right thing. He would do it again if it meant keeping the town safe. That makes him feel even more guilty. It seems like he can never just do the right thing and have it understood. Rolling his shoulders, he shoves his hands in his jacket pockets, glancing at your house as he walks past.

The thing that really got to him during this failed session was what Gail said about you. 

**** 

“Apart from Ellie, I can see there’s something else bothering you.” Gail observes, glass in hand, and Joel clenches his jaw, “it’s - it’s stupid. I- I shouldn’t even be able to get it up still. Especially not for a younger woman. I mean, what does she see in me? I’m old. Hell, earlier I couldn’t even fing- damn arthritis.” He scoffs, flexing his fingers and Gail chuckles, “so what’s the plan? Be alone forever. Or what else would you do? Fuck an older woman? Someone like me?” She smirks and Joel frowns, shaking his head, “you’re not really my type. You know, you kinda hate my guts.” He says and she says your name, making his eyes widen. “What? You think I’m blind? The whole town sees the way you look at her? When are you going to stop being a pussy and ask her to move in?” Joel clenches his jaw at her words, anxious that everyone seems to know what’s been going on between you. “It ain’t like that. She - she doesn’t - fuck.” He huffs and Gail leans closer on her elbows. “Maybe I should kill her. Since you killed Eugene. We can be even.” Joel growls, standing up, and Gail manages to beckon him to sit after giggling and saying she couldn’t kill you, you make the best pies in town. “I’m not a killer. I’m not like you. If Eugene were alive, I wouldn’t - what I’d give to have one more moment where I could tell him I love him. I never imagined I’d lose him, even with the world going to shit. I’d give anything to tell him how I felt about him.” She confesses and Joel sighs, twisting his hands as guilt swirls in his stomach. “Does Ellie know about the two of you?” Gail asks and Joel shakes his head, “Ellie - she doesn’t know - fuck.” He rubs his temple and it doesn’t long for him to storm from Gail’s, tears stinging in his eyes.

Out on the patrol, you slowly guide the horse. The other group has gone north and you are taking the familiar path south. Doing a wide loop around the town, making sure that there aren’t any threats that could jeopardize the safety of the little community that you have come to love. “So are you going to the New Year’s dance?” Scott asks as he rides up beside you, startling you out of your thoughts. “Um- I don’t know.” You admit. “I might, I might not.” You would see if Joel was there and if he wasn’t, there wasn’t really a need to stay.

Scott turns to look at you. Jesus, you're beautiful and while he's heard a rumor about you and Joel, he doesn't know if it's serious or you're just messing around. "You wanna go...with me?" He asks after a few moments, cautious as his stomach twists in anticipation.

Your stomach twists, feeling guilty because you have to turn him down. This thing with Joel isn’t defined and it might never be, but you wouldn’t be fair to Scott and he’s a good guy. “I- thank you, but-“ you shake your head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Scott grips the reins a little tighter, inhaling the cold air so hard his throat hurts, but he knows whatever the fuck it is with Joel would mean you’d never truly be his. He thought that was really over but your answer tells him it’s not. “I get it. I just - I hope one day he opens his eyes and sees what’s right in front of him.” He says softly and seconds later, the group beckons you over.

You fluster slightly, feeling your cheeks heat up even in the cold as you guide your horse over to the group. Knowing that people see that you and Joel are stuck in limbo makes you wonder if you are just wasting your time. However, you can’t help how you feel, even if he doesn’t feel the same way.

**** 

The music is fun and lively, people dancing on the floor, and Joel watches from the dark corner of the room, wondering where you are. He shouldn’t have come to this but he’s desperate to see you. After what Gail said, he just needs to put his eyes on you, even if he doesn’t speak to you.

Standing in front of the mirror, you look at the dress you are wearing, wondering if you should just stay home. Everyone in town is there, beyond those keeping watch on the walls. Everyone except Joel. You bite your lip and grab your jacket. You’ll go for an hour, and if he’s not there, you’ll dance with Scott and go home.

Joel sees you when you walk in, dressed up and looking so goddamn pretty. He watches Ellie as she dances with Dina. His heart bursts with hope for the girls as he watches them kiss. His chest aches for their future, hoping to see them flourish together, when his eyes land on you. He flexes his fingers, wanting to get up and approach you. He spends far too long fighting with himself and the moment he decides to approach you when you’re standing there with a cup in your hand, he hears Seth insult Ellie. His mind is clouded and he doesn’t hesitate to shove the asshole, thinking he’s doing the right thing until Ellie yells at him and his heart breaks all over again. Nodding, he steps away and his eyes meet yours as he leaves the party.

Your heart clenches, seeing the hurt and rejection in his eyes. Feeling the yearning that he can’t express, the need to just be needed by Ellie. She turns back to Dina and you decide to say something. Walking up to her and sighing softly, you touch her arm so she turns towards you. “He loves you.” You remind her softly. “He’s lost nearly everything he’s ever loved and he just wants to protect you.” You don’t wait for her to argue, or tell you to mind your own business, just turning and grabbing your coat to track Joel down.

Joel stomps back into his house, his chest aching as the anxiety sets in, and he squeezes his eyes shut. Everything suddenly feels so restrictive and he shrugs his coat off, kicking off his boots and he rips at his gloves and scarf. Tossing everything to the floor, he inhales deeply when he hears a knock at the door. “Go away!” He growls and his heart stops when he hears you call his name. He stumbles, walking over to the door, and he rips it open to find you standing there. Your eyes soften and he doesn’t think as he grabs the back of your neck, pulling you in so he can press his lips to yours in a bruising kiss.

You don’t gasp but you are surprised by the kiss. Expecting Joel to open the door and tell you to go away again or let you in and watch him pace while venting his frustration. Apparently he had decided on another way to work out his emotions and you kick the door closed behind you while wrapping your arms around his neck. You’re still wearing your coat, but you don’t care, you’ll give him whatever he needs right now.

His hands are frantic, not stiff like earlier, and he shoves your coat from your shoulders while he kisses you like he’s been starved of your touch for a lifetime. He’s desperate and he breaks the kiss so he can grab your waist, dragging you into his living room. You bump into things while your tongue caresses his, his hands sliding down to squeeze your ass until he’s pulling the dress up your legs.

You let him touch you how he wants, how he needs to. Joel has never been this frantic before. Not even the first time you had sex and it had been a long time for both of you. You moan when he cups your cunt, whining into his mouth as he grunts, obviously pleased that you had decided not to wear underwear again.

He doesn’t even think as he pushes your body down until you are bent over the sofa, ass in the air. His grunts are deep as he works on unbuckling his belt, pulling his throbbing cock free moments later, and within moments, he’s pushing into your dripping pussy.

Your cry fills the empty house, pussy stretched beyond his fingers this morning because his cock is so much thicker. Not even giving you a moment to adjust, he starts hammering into your body with a fierce pace that pushes the breath out of you and has you clawing at the worn and sagging sofa.

His jaw is clenched as he unrelentingly fucks you like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Nostrils flared as he grunts, his fingers digging into your hips as he takes his frustrations out on your tight cunt. “That’s right, girl. Take all of it.” He finally hisses out through clenched teeth, “so good for me. Takin’ it all.”

Your eyes roll back, jaw slack as you let him just destroy your pussy with every snap of his hips. Fucking you like he’s possessed as your toes curl in your boots. It’s so fucking good, his rough voice making your walls clench tight, body shivering in pleasure while you take everything that he gives you and your body begs for more with the slick squelches.

For this moment, Joel isn’t a 61 year old man with arthritis fucking a woman that’s too goddamn young for him. No, he’s a man who needs to fuck out his feelings, and nothing is gonna stop him from making you squeeze his cock so he can forget about every goddamn mistake he’s ever made. “Fuck.” He pants, his hand squeezing your ass until he slaps it, your dress flipped over so he can see how his cock disappears inside you.

“Joel!” You choke out his name, the sting of his hand on your skin making you clench around him again. You never knew that Joel could be this rough, but it’s incredible. He’s never touched you with anything but determination to make you shake in pleasure, but the man has been gentle every time. As if trying to prove to you, to himself maybe, that he wasn’t the monster that he believes himself to be. “More.” You beg, eyes fluttering and sounds pouring out of your mouth as he drives into you again and again.

He pants, loving how you beg for more, and he obliges. Thrusting into you, he pants your name, and smacks your ass again. “Fuck. Feel so good, sweetheart. Takin’ it like a fuckin’ - like my whore.” He doesn’t ever call you names in bed but right now, he’s lost to the sensations.

You shudder, knowing that’s exactly what you are. So willingly his whore. “Yes.” You moan. Your fingers scratch against the fabric of the sofa, thin padding and hard wood of the frame digging into your hips as he rails you, but you wouldn’t change a thing. All you want is more, for him to keep fucking you just like this. Body hovering on the edge of completely shattering from his pace and the way his cock hits deep inside you.

He groans, hand trailing along your spine until he is gripping the back of your neck. “Fuck. Look at you. So fuckin’ good for me.” He praises you as he fucks you like a man half his age. You bring this out of him. You make him feel like this. “Fuck. You’re - need you to cum for me. Wanna feel you.” He groans, sliding his hand down to squeeze your breast as he pushes into you a little faster despite the pain in his hip.

“I’m gonna.” You pant out, so close to cumming for him. The pace is just as harsh as it was before but there is an extra push of his hips, grinding in before he’s pulling back and it's perfect. Only taking a few more thrusts before you are squealing his name so loud anyone passing by his house would hear, clenching down around his cock and soaking him with your juices.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He pants when you squeeze him and Jesus, he loves it. He groans your name, squeezing your ass in his hands and his hip is really aching but it doesn’t stop him thrusting a few more times until he’s buried deep in your pussy, painting your walls with his seed. He never cums inside you but right now, he has to possess every single part of you.

Your moan is low, animalistic, as you feel the heat of his cum pushing inside you. Filling you. Joel never filled you before, pulling out to cum on you, unless he’s fucking your ass. Then he won’t pull out, but apparently he decided that tonight was worth the risk. “Fuck.” You pant when he finally stops moving, his own harsh breathing all you can hear.

Joel’s body aches but he bends over you to press a soft kiss to your neck before he slowly pulls out of you. He tucks his cock away and stumbles to sit down in his chair, watching you shift onto your haunches, a frown on his face. “I’m sorry. I- shit.” He murmurs, “I shouldn’t have been so rough.” He flexes his fingers, feeling the ache in his bones.

You snort, shaking your head as you look back over at him. “No, don’t apologize.” You tell him, “you needed it just like that and I fucking loved it.” You shift to sit down, wanting to reach for him but you’re afraid he might pull away. “Are you okay?” You ask softly.

Joel bites his lip, shaking his head for a second, “no. I, uh, I’m lost. I don’t know what to do.” Tears fill his eyes but he doesn’t let them fall. “Every day it’s like I can’t do nothing right.” He confesses, looking over at you and you don’t touch him.

You know that he’s talking about Ellie, licking your lips, you shoot him a small smile. “She’s a teenager.” You remind him softly. “She thinks she’s gotta be independent.” He looks so forlorn. “One day she’s going to be so fucking grateful you were there. That’s all you have to do.” You promise. “Just be available to her. She will come around.”

He absorbs your words, “and you? Will you - I’m an old man. You deserve someone younger…better. You deserve to be happy. I can’t give you kids. I can’t give you a home. I’m messed up. I can’t - I’m a monster.” He looks down at his hand, flexing his fingers.

You frown at his statement, getting up and moving to the coffee table to sit right in front of him. “I don’t want kids.” You admit quietly. “I admire people that have them, but I couldn’t risk losing a child in this.” You gesture around you. “Jackson is safer than outside the walls, but it could change in an instant.” You look around the house. “Looks like a home to me.” You point out. “And I don’t give a shit that you’re messed up.” You reach for his hand. “I’m messed up too. We’ve all had to be monsters. It’s why we are still alive.”

He looks at you, your hand in his, and he sees the differences in your skin - yours is beautiful and his is worn. “What do you want?” He asks softly, “because if you decide to be mine, I ain’t letting you go. I will protect you until my last breath. I’ll love you until the day I die.” He confesses, remembering Gail’s words earlier.

“That better be a long goddamn time from now.” You threaten, leaning down and pressing a kiss to his scarred knuckles. “I want to be yours.” You whisper, looking up at him. “I love you, Joel.” Smiling softly, you shrug. “I think I did from the moment you told Maria to tell us to fuck off.”

He chuckles at the memory, caressing your cheek with his free hand, “I’m glad she didn’t turn you away.” He murmurs, “I couldn’t imagine my life without you now.” He swallows harshly, “move in with me.”

You honestly hadn’t imagined he would ever ask you that. You know Ellie had moved into the garage, and you have no problem if she ever wanted to move back into the house, you would never even dream of opposing that. “Are you sure?” You ask, reaching out and stroking his cheek. “If I move in, you won’t have a chance to brood and be grumpy all by yourself.”

Joel offers you a self deprecating grin, "I could brood outside the house." He teases and you chuckle, leaning in to softly kiss him and he responds, "I want you in my bed every night." He confesses, knowing that he won't be easy to live with but he wants to try, he wants you.

“Then you’ll have me in your bed every night.” You grin and kiss him again. “Might stay warmer. Help those old bones of yours.” You tease, stealing one more kiss. “I love you.”

He smiles, "love you too, darlin'." He sighs after squeezing your hand, "you wanna sit outside and see the new year in?" He asks and when you nod, it's not long before you and Joel are sitting on the porch dressed in your coats and your eyes widen when he produces the guitar from his side. "Fixed the strings for Ellie." He murmurs, bringing it up to his lap.

You’ve never heard Joel play, but you knew he did. Maria had told you. Asked for you to be on the lookout for some guitars since she wanted her son to learn. She had told you about Joel teaching Ellie. “Play me something.” You ask softly, watching him as he gently strokes the wood grain of the instrument.

He is nervous but he nods, plucking the strings, until he softly plays. His rough voice is surprisingly gentle as he starts to sing. He can feel your eyes on him and he continues to play.

Joel has an amazing voice. It’s slightly rough, but in a way that makes you yearn for the heartache that you know is coming. Like one of the country stars that could sing about loss and make you cry. The snow stopped falling, and the night is clear, a perfect New Year. A time for new beginnings.

He plays until you hear the countdown begin, the cheers, and he smiles sadly, leaning closer to you. "Happy New Year, sweetheart." He murmurs, cupping your cheek and he walks in to press his lips to yours.

“Happy New Year.” You whisper when he pulls back slightly. “This year, we will make sure that we improve on the years before.”

Joel nods, kissing your forehead before you pull back, looking at him with a smile that makes his heart flutter. He grips the guitar, offering you a wink until his face drops. You turn your head to see Ellie standing in the driveway and she stares at Joel like he’s her enemy. You hear his soft sigh but he doesn’t let the hurt show on his face as she stalks off into the garage. “She’ll come around.” He doesn’t believe you but at least he can find comfort in you. “Maybe when I’m dead.” He snorts, reaching for your hand to squeeze it. “That won’t be anytime soon.” You declare and he nods, looking back out to the darkness, unaware of the threat that is heading towards him.

[bunny-queen]

fake it til you make it

if you have trouble going into the 'i AM' or 'wish fulfilled' states, you can try the acting method and see how it feels

it's really simple, and it doesn't involve doing anything in the 3D—because remember, you can't change the 3D by acting in the 3D

so i'm not gonna say 'if your ideal self is that girl, start waking up at 5 am and going for 2 mile runs, stop eating processed foods, buy this thing....' like NO lmao you should only ever do this type of thing in the material world for your own fun and enjoyment, but NEVER expect it to have any impact on your outer world. all change must be achieved in your mind, period

so how do you act then?

it doesn't matter what you do in the outer world. you can keep going as you usually do if you work or if you're a student, and it won't conflict with ur manifesting, even if you think 'oh but in my dream life I'm not a student, I'm a model', k?

the acting method is simply thinking FROM ur desires instead of TO them. you should straight up act like you're playing the part of future you, in every tiny little way

pay attention to your inner monologue and think fun things! they might sound crazy or delusional at first but ur mind is the real deal, not what we see, so fuck it we ball lmao

EXAMPLE: i want to be a fashion model, even more famous than bella hadid

when i wake up, i splash my face with water and brush my teeth, thinking 'ah my skin's looking good today. i'll barely need to wear any makeup for the photoshoot later...'

when i have breakfast, i think 'my fans sometimes ask me about my diet, but i really just eat whatever i want. maintaining my weight and appearance is effortless'

when i dress up, i think 'i'm so excited for dior's next collection... I'm glad i decided to become an ambassador for them!'

and go on about your life you know. that's just it. if you do it a few times, it becomes completely natural, and you'll shift your state, and the 3D will reflect it

fairy kisses~

[cheriladycl01]

hi love!! i just read your "Funny Gaming moments with Lando and Max (F) x QuadrantStreamer! Reader" and I absolutely loved it. this is me requesting more content like that! specifically again lando x streamer who plays val. maybe lando showing up to her competing in vct and its in the same city as a grand prix weekend. if not then maybe stream moments (thinking of like Tenz and Kydae🥹)

i love your content so i'm excited for literally any content you put out!! thank u!!❤️

Chat, what is this? - Lando x Streamer! Reader Part 1

Plot: More moments of you, trying and failing to teach your boyfriend Lando how to play games as good as you

Warning: This probably wont be for everyone but if you love gaming and Lando fluff you will enjoy this. It is very technical about Valorant as a game, but this request despite being sat in my drafts for a while has been one ive wanted to complete for ages! Its based around VCT 2023, Sao Paulo. Reader takes of from FNC Leo so if your confused why he isn't there thats why!!

"Chat, how good was that game? We Match MVP'ed and what did we go, 34 - 12 - 8. God climbing has been hard but did we finally do it chat?" you ask looking at the comments rolling in before you click to see if you rank had changed and finally put you back in radiant.

-Yes lmao

-Radiant time <3

-Gorl we know its gonna be good, just show us!!!!!

-Bits Donated

"Okay chat and omg Radiant Number 346! Now i don't know how long ill keep that for because ... well I've got to leave for VCT soon because my team actually made it through!" you exclaim, you'd been in game changers for a year when Fnatic asked you to become a sub for their team. Leo going on longterm sick meant that you were currently playing with them.

It was perfect timing for VCT Lock in if you were being honest. It was running from February till the start of March which meant that Lando could join you before you went to his first race with him in Bahrain. He was to stay in the hotel with you, which was payed for by the team but he wasn't invited to the team meal that Riot payed for, for each team.

"Ahhhh baby" you come back to the hotel after your meal out with the team having had a few too many drinks.

"Hello beautiful, did you have fun" he smiles running his fingers through your hair as you place your bag on the sofa.

"So much fun, its nice to just hang out with them you know? Sometimes even when were playing games it feels like its my job" you sigh in your drunk voice that Lando couldn't help but find adorable. He helps you take your shoes off as he continues to talk to you.

"Mmmmm well it kinda is your job baby" he chuckles knowing that he enjoying goofing around with his friends like George and Alex when they'd go cart together or he'd go out clubbing with Max or biking with Daniel.

"I know but i still should have fun right?" you almost moan as your shoes finally come loose and you can breathe. He helps you take your makeup off and change you into an oversized shirt off his before bringing you to the bed and tucking you in placing a kiss on your forehead before climbing in himself.

February 24th 2023.

Lando was there cheering you on as you went into your first match against Sentinels. Which was funny as you were actually really close to TenZ who was the star player of the opposing team and always made a pretty hard match for you whenever you guys played together or against each other. You were first friends with his girlfriend Kydae who you'd met streaming and then when you met irl was when you met the legendary TenZ.

"Ready?" you ask over to him after your walk on and he chuckles nodding.

"You bet i am, bring it on" he grins first bumping you before heading to his seat.

"It's so nice to see despite them being on opposing teams, NA and EMEA that they are still really good friends and ... you know what Bren its just nice seeing this level of Sportsmanship in our sport" Commentator Sideshow says.

"I agree but the question is, will Y/N be able to finally put an end to his streak? He's never been outplayed by her and maybe that is the downfall of playing with the enemies, he knows her and what she thinks and how she plays because who knows how many hours they have played outside of the teams, so this will really show" Brenn adds.

Haven was the first pick and Lando watched on anxiously as his girlfriend talked to her teammates through her headset, discussing strats going forward and what was going to be best for them.

He'd never admit it but he didn't know what he preferred, seeing her in her own team shirt or in his team gear but right now you looked so beautiful to him, the way your glasses sat perched on your nose and the team top tucked into your trousers.

Pearl hadnt been a map that you guys were doing well on when practicing so it was your first ban against Sen who'd been doing well in Masters through the year. You were hoping that they wouldn't ban Icebox as you guys had a pretty cohesive agent line up but to all your dismay it was Sen's first ban.

The first map pick was Haven, a three site map, different from the standard two which was your guys go too. You as a team when it came to practicing found that you guys commed better on this map than any other and with the amount of hours put into it, it would be hard not to have this as your guys best map.

And as if the Valorant gods were listening you see Sen's pick of Split come up, you hadn't been playing it much in front of people but behind closed doors you guys actually had your second best map on split. You guys ban Ascent knowing TenZ was a chamber demon on that map and you guys didn't wanna risk a throw away.

Sen then bans Fracture which you were glad about personally because it was one of your worst maps and you didn't have an agent you felt truly comfortable with there. Your goal for this year was to play more Fracture and make it a better map of yours.

And of course that left Lotus which three site maps seemed to be in favour of your guys team so this would be interesting.

Defending of Haven was up first.

"Okay im guessing were having Derke on Jett?" you ask knowing you'd be happy to Raze and Judge on Split later if it came to it.

"Yes, and I think we should go with Team C composition, how you guys feeling about that?" Boaster asks and you all nod before Chronicle changes his mind.

"I don't think double sentinal will work. Better doing double initiator" he argues and Boaster thinks for a second before agreeing.

"Okay so that leaves Plan B which is Derke on Jett, Chronicle on Breach, Alfa on KillJoy, Nyxie on Sova and me on Astra is that good with everyone?" he asks and you're all happy locking in your agents.

You spend your credits getting a Frenzy and two darts, knowing playing B should get you decent info you head there talking about darting first before you get any rotates to your site.

The round starts and with your reveal dart already loaded up you track two enemies seeing them in window.

"B Main smoke Boaster, two in window" you request and he places down a smoke hiding you on the left of site.

"Skye Dog coming through" you say as you here the yapping coming through the smoke making you and Boaster rotate to backsite. The dog thankfully doesn't grab anyone and leaves them with no info apart from the fact that you are on site.

TenZ dashes onto site right to where you and Boaster are immediately getting picked off by your British counter-part. As they rotate to C Chronicle and Alpha sit patenitly their util ready for use. Boaster gets another pick travelling on C site while you remian watching garage.

Derke flanks from A killing of the Skye meaning spikes down and only two are left as you play it safe moving back onto B keeping your eye on garage so you can swing off Boaster.

"There in garage, there in garage im holding from box" Derke says and you come through B to join him and by the time you've got there he's wasted no time and got the last two kills.

"Nice! Fnatic pistol round for the win!" you say fist-bumping Chronicle who your next to.

Your next buy is a Stinger, light shield and full util. This should be an easy win where Sen are on a save round but ... you never know. Shaking things up a bit you move to A with Derke positioning ready to dart down long.

"Util on C, coming long" Boaster comms and you start to rotate, knowing Derke can hold down A if they decide to Early rotate. And just as you get to B ...

"A, All A. What do you mean coming long, yes they are coming long on A! Not C" Derke shouts from Boasters earlier call out. Knife out and your running back to A as Derke gets another 3 picks.

"Okay Derk when i said hold the fort this isn't what i meant but pop off!" you say as you get your dart out, just as Chronicle gets the last kill in Sewers.

"Nice work!" you shout, a fist lightly tapping the desk. You pull a face at the camera on you with Boaster on the other side of you before buying for the next round.

Next round however goes to shit. Derke lerks Sewers getting picked off immedielty leaving you and Chronicle who had rotated early.

You replace Derke watching Sewers, Boaster smokes for you and you spam through the smokes getting two kills, switching to the classic seeing their Omen pushing you kill him off as Tenz kills you off after Chronicle and Boaster die on site. They proceed to win the round.

You boyfriend jumps up for joy seeing your 3k pulled back down by Max Fewtrell as you died to TenZ of all players.

"Guys what happened, I was watching sewers and before i know it TenZ is kissing my ass" you say looking between Boaster and Chronicle.

"It was just poor timing on our half sorry, but great round for economy guys!" Boaster tries to keep up Moral.

2 - 1

Next round was a blur, starting on A and dying over on C all within 15 seconds of the round was ... humbling to say the least.

However, it was close with TenZ being the only one standing once again as he trades off Zekken to get the kill on your teammate.

2 - 2

You remained on A despite it seeming like it wasn't working as its where you were getting the best darts and getting the most kills, Breach alt sent you sky high and not long afterwards with another kill under your belt it was a 2 v 1 situation with Sacy as the only one remaining and you with Alfa.

"Amir, swing off me, ill bait" you call and you both swing, you from behind box and Alfa in heaven, Sacy can only concentrate on one and thats unfortuanlty you.

"Nice one!" you say and Amir fits his hand on the air.

3 - 2

"Bit of jumping and running and gunning from Nyxie" the commentators says as you jump into and out of the smoke getting a kill before being killed instantly by their Killjoy who Boaster finishes off in a smoke.

"Despite some wacky moves from Nyxie this game, the comms from her have been phenomenal. The minute she dies her team are right there getting the revenge"

4 - 2

Your alt being available this round leaves Derke hard dashing up into window you think with the smoke he's got somewhere only to be picked off by their breach. With comms you pop your alt but the enemies seem to expect that managing to dodge it.

You all rotate to C using your reveal and then your drone you see three on site. Immediely managing to hit TenZ. You continue on, not thinking that you've just killed him in pro play.

Going deeper into cubby you get a pick on Skye just as Omen alts away probably onto A. Immedielty on the rotate heading through Attacker spawn and into Sewers, you're killed first and sit back comming for you teammates as Alfa clutches the round.

"Guys, i just got a kill on TenZ!" you exclaim and look over to Tyson, sending him a heart with your fingers where he rolls his eyes at your joke.

5 - 2

After some whiffs from both you and Derke, Boaster and Alfa clutch the round.

6 - 2

Again after some silly mistakes and being caught in util Alfa is the last one standing and left to save standing back away from site letting the bomb tick away.

Boaster is left a little frustrated asking what the hell we're doing despite having 3 plus rounds on Sen. IGL mentality for you! He knew you guys could and should do better.

6 - 3

You play safe with Chronicle on A trading kills off each other leaving Boaster a nice 3k on site, playing a little more aggressively than he usually would as the two of you die.

"Sorry Boaster, i don't know whats going on man" you sigh, knowing you arent playing your best right now.

"It's fine, it's all good we've got this!" he smiles at you, fist bumping your hand.

7 - 3

Next round you're told to early rotate straight to see thanks to Derke's spot and the fact that they stuck coming up C long rather than rotating worked in your benefit. You get a pick, before TenZ outplays you as your reloading.

Derke and Boaster clutch the round, cheers all around as you go to ...

8 - 3

A very slow paced round where both the Jett's were opping and so many ults were available. You were running between side, jiggle peaking and jumping to try get any info. You guys rotate to see when Alfa's alarm bot it destroyed seeing their coming through garage you wait at the top getting a kill on the Omen, just after Derke's op kill and Alfa's ratty move of hiding in cubby.

Alfa finishes them up in garage and you guys call it a day.

"YES! GOOD JOB!" you scream, fisting the air.

9 - 3

SWITCHING SIDES

Now it was your time to shine, you much preferred attacking on Haven. You guys agreed to start baiting A while the rest make their way to C. After a Sova reveal you guys make your way to C long Boaster in the back with spike.

After managing to plant TenZ gets onto sight with his Sheriff destroying the three of you remaining.

"FUCK THAT GUY!" you cry into your mic, head going into you hands hating the fact that you actually only did 20 damage to him.

9 - 4

You guys get fucked in sewers again.

9 - 5

This round you wiped the sweat from your forehead and locked in. Taking a quick swig of water before buying your util. You lurk getting a nice ratty kill on Skye before using the opportunity to reposistion gaining another kill. You peak TenZ but he avoids the fight leaving you to get a kill on Kill Joy instead while Boaster goes after Jett.

"Some incredible work there from Nyxie, she's really great at reading the map and once getting a kill repositioning to catch off her opponent and she's just incredibly quick with it too" the commentators admit.

Lando was biting his lips hard from how close this game was feeling despite it being 15 rounds in and 10 of them being for your team.

10 - 5

This round felt like it hadnt even started, you don't even know what you did but you were just there supporting. You tab to realise your actually 2nd on the leader board which only spurs you on further. You had this!

11 - 5

You and Derke wait together, storming onto sight getting three kills between you and managing to get the spike down. You guys have an incredible round all serving and keeping your guns, running off just as spike explodes killing the last player.

12 - 5

MATCH POINT

You wanted to cry, you were left standing last and whiffed so hard. Whiffed so hard not only did you let spike be diffused but you got yourself killed too. You could have finished this game there and then and called it a day.

12 - 6

After a stressful round you guys won the last round meaning you'd won the first map. You were the person who had the final kill which felt like a redemption after your previous bad round.

"YES LETS GO!" you cry pulling Boaster into a hug. Chronicle comes up fistbumping Derke before you hug him.

"Nice going Nyx" he grins. You use your hand to look out into the crowd spotting your boyfriend sat there with Max in the VIP section.

You wave at him as you leave the stage knowing he'll come see you in the room you guys had snacks and breaked in before the next map.

"You did so well, argh im so proud of you and i know you've got this next map!" he grins pulling you into a hug, kissing your forehead before moving down to hold your face in his hands bringing you into a full kiss.

"Ew" Chronicle comments smirking at the pair of your while Boaster covers Alfa's eyes.

"You guys all did really well. Got a feeling this ones yours!" Lando admits, keeping you close to his side.

"Thanks mate, oh wait have you guys seen Yinsu?" Jake (Boaster) asks.

"Mmmm she was in the crowd but haven't seen her yet!"

"Whose Yinsu?" Lando whispers to you.

"His girlfriend" you laugh.

"Mmmm she's with Angelina i think" Chronicle nods.

"Whose Angelina?" he asks

"Chron's wife?" you laugh as if Lando didn't believe your teammates had partners.

"You know ... this is a sport so technically you are my WAG... or HAB i guess?" you giggle before the others all tilt there heads confused.

"What is a WAG?" Derke asks head tipped to the side.

"Its a sports term, feel like its mostly used in F1 though. WAG is like Wives and Girlfriends of the sport person so im known on the screen when they show my face as Y/N FNC Nyxie Y/L/N Pro Valorant Player, Streamer and Girlfriend of Lando Norris" you explain and they nod.

"We should have something like that!" Alfa exclaims!

"Maybe" you laugh, preparing yourself for the next round.

Taglist:

@miffywoo @littlebitchsposts @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @daemyratwst @lauralarsen @the-untamed-soul @thewulf @itsjustkhaos @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @summissss @gulphulp @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhhhh @georgeparisole @youcannotcancelquidditch @tallbrownhairsarcastic @ourteenagetragedy @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @dark-night-sky-99 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @laneyspaulding19 @malynn @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @yourbane @teamnovalak @nikfigueiredo @fionaschicken @0picels0 @tinydeskwriter @ironmaiden1313 @splaterparty0-0 @formula1mount

[jamieroyjamieroy]

Having trouble writing my wips so I’ve written this little ficlet. I’m hoping it helps get my brain back into writing.

Enjoy this little whatever it is!

“We need to get married.”

The casualness catches Tommy off guard once the words register. It was said in the same tone someone would say ‘we need milk’. Like passing along some mundane information, like it’s a statement that has been made hundreds of times before and will be made a hundred more times in the future. No excitement, no emotion. Just a fact. They need to get married.

Hundreds of thoughts, fears, hopes and questions fly through Tommy’s mind in the blink of an eye. His brain still trying to catch up with the dramatic change in conversation, it’s trying not to freak out and go with the first instinct of running. Tommy takes a deep breath, he has done a lot of work to not act on that instinct. “Evan. What did you say?” Tommy asks wanting to make sure he heard correctly so he can react appropriately. Not that he knows what that reaction would look like.

“We need to get married.” Evan repeats not looking up from his phone, the tone in which he drops this bomb hasn’t changed. It is still said like it’s a fact, a forgone conclusion. Evan could be saying ‘today is Thursday so tomorrow is Friday.’ Tommy isn’t completely freaked out by the notion. Well he is but he isn’t going to jump to conclusions like the time Evan asked him to move in. Or the time Evan said he didn’t need feelings to sleep with someone. Tommy has begun to adapt to Evan’s impulsiveness and he gives them both a moment to process what was said. Time for him to remind himself how much he loves Evan and being hurt by him isn’t inevitable. Time for Evan to realise what he has said and how he has said it. Tommy can pinpoint the moment the words register for Evan.

His head pops up so fast Tommy is sure Evan has pulled a muscle in his neck. The pained expression on his face could be from that or the fear of having spooked Tommy once again. Evan drops his phone and approaches Tommy slowly like you would a terrified animal. It would be comical to Tommy if the realisation that he did this to Evan didn’t hit in that moment. He put that terror in Evan’s heart. He could kick himself for that.

“Hmmm interesting idea, could be an A plus idea one day. But today I’m going to have to give you an F for the execution. Gonna need a little more enthusiasm and romance next time you ask.” Tommy smiles wrapping his arms around a confused Evan. “Maybe hold off until we get past the moving in stage?”

“Ah, oh. I’m. Ugh. I said that out loud didn’t I?” Evan leans his head on Tommy’s shoulder and hides his embarrassment and fear. Tommy runs a comforting hand up and down his back. “I’m sorry Tommy I wasn’t thinking. Well I was but the, the filter between my brain and my mouth doesn’t work sometimes. I, I don’t. I’m not. That wasn’t a proposal.” Evan stutters out, Tommy relaxing a little when Evan’s arms wrap around him despite the tension in Evan’s own body.

“Hey. It’s ok. Remember we agreed no more running. No more assumptions. We talk. We work through it. We stick together. I’ll admit it shocked me to hear that. But I’m not leaving.” Tommy does his best to emphasise his words so Evan believes him. “Want to tell me why you had that thought?”

Tommy’s question hangs in the air, Evan’s face still hidden away. The two of them standing in the middle of Evan’s living room wrapped in each other’s arms, swaying slightly as both their heartbeats settle back to a normal rhythm. He begins to wonder if Evan will answer him. A low short chuckle tickles his neck.

“It’s so stupid.” Evan lifts his head, the tears in his eyes has Tommy worried until the chuckle comes again. “I was thinking about trying that new recipe I found last night. A few of the ingredients I need to get from a specialty shop so I was searching for locations.” Evan is smiling now, looking less distressed and concerned so Tommy relaxes more. They are still swaying, more like slow dancing if they were at a middle school dance, Tommy doesn’t let go. He hums to show he is listening, not interrupting.

“Anyway I found a place and it’s near the park I take Jee to sometimes. Then I thought about how cute she looked playing dress up the other week when I was babysitting. Which led me to think about how cute she looked as the flower girl for Maddie and Chim’s wedding. Annnddd then I thought how adorable she would look at our wedding as our flower girl and my mouth was running before my brain caught up with it.” Evan admits his embarrassment clear on his face.

“That’s an interesting train of thought.” Tommy tries to keep a straight face but he can’t help the feeling of butterflies in his stomach when Evan mentioned their wedding. He is not ready for that, neither of them are ready for that. Not yet. But the idea of marrying Evan, that Evan is thinking of their wedding excites him. Terrifies him. But the thought of losing Evan again, losing him for good is far more terrifying.

“I’m sorry Tommy I didn’t mean to.” Evan is cut off by fingers grabbing his chin and lips kissing his. Evan opens for Tommy, sinking into the kiss.

“Like I said I want more enthusiasm and romance next time you ask.” Tommy kisses a stunned and silent Evan. Tommy hooks a hand in Evan’s shirt and pulls him towards the bedroom, only breaking the kiss to remove their shirts. He is going to show Evan that talk of their future doesn’t send him running anymore.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM NORMAL PEOPLE *  assorted dialogue from the book by sally rooney, some lines slightly changed to suit a roleplay format, adjust as necessary

i'm not a religious person, but i do sometimes think god made you from me.

i have a sense that real life is happening somewhere far away, happening without me, and i don't know if i will ever found out where it is or become part of it.

no one can be independent of other people completely.

life offers up these moments of joy despite everything.

he probably won't come back.

what we have now, we can never have back again.

for me, the pain of loneliness will be nothing to the pain i used to feel, of being unworthy.

we've done a lot of good for each other.

people can really change one another.

you should go. i'll always be here. you know that.

generally i find men are a lot more concerned with limiting the freedoms of women than exercising personal freedom for themselves.

most people go through their whole lives without ever really feeling that close with anyone.

life is the thing you bring with you inside your own head.

even in memory, i will always find that moment unbearably intense.

i have never believed i'm fit to be loved by any person.

yes. that was it. the beginning of my life.

it's funny the decisions you make because you like someone.

your whole life is different.

i think we're at that weird age where life can change a lot from small decisions.

if people appear to behave pointlessly in grief, it's only because human life is pointless, and this is the truth that grief revealed.

i don't know what's wrong with me.

i don't know why i can't be like normal people.

it feels powerful to put an experience down in words.

people are a lot more knowable than they think they are.

there's always been something inside me that men have wanted to dominate.

i want my life to mean something.

a lot of the literary people in college see books primarily as a way of appearing cultured.

that's the only part of myself i want to protect, the part that exists inside you.

there's something so corrupt and sexy about it.

i wish you didn't have to go.

i wish you could stay the night.

life offers up these moments of joy despite everything.

literature moves me.

it almost sounds sexual.

you learn nothing very profound about yourself simply by being bullied.

it's time you'll never get back.

time is real. the money is also real.

we've done a lot of good for each other.

the snow keeps falling.

hopefully i have changed, you know, as a person. but honestly, if i have, it's because of you.

he does have immaculate taste.

it's not like this with other people.

[name], would you ever fuck off?

you lean in expecting resistance, and everything just falls away in front of you.

i would lie down and die for you at any minute.

sometimes, someone will make eye contact with me, like a bus conductor or a person looking for change, and i'll feel shocked that anyone can actually see me.

we could be in a room full of people and my eyes would always meet yours, just to find that you had already been looking.

there's something comforting about it, something good about feeling sort of numb, detached from it all.

it was different with you, didn't have to play any games with you. it was just real.

no one is ever gonna hurt you like that again. everything's gonna be all right. trust me.

i love you, and i'm not gonna let anything like that happen to you again.

we have done so much good for one another.

[janus-cadet]

So, hm, I may have my attention span stolen by yet another god of Discord. Lux was absolutely amazing in his lil disguise, and, well- that leads to yet another tarot card.

But oops, I tripped! There might have been a slight addition to the card, in the form of three other gods of the Pantheon, and one very distressed Doctor.

(Don't be fool, I'm sure he's having a great time. We know how much he likes dangerous murderous people, especially the blondes one)

Why the Five of Wands, tho? Well, that's actually very easy to answer- because that's The card for Discord. What else than the Pantheon to represent it? It's a card that express conflict, as in, you're un the midst of a battle (poor you, Doctor) that you simply can't escape. Don't expect to solve it with nicey dialogues and come to any common ground: everyone is stuck on what they want and cannot be bothered to hear what the others have to say. Maybe they simply couldn't be bother to care, vast beings that they are; all the more frustrating, because you know that if you could have them hear you out, much good could come from an association. It's complete chaos and disorder, from the whole human race driven mad by a giggle, or an entire theater of missing people. All you can do is rise above the mess; if they won't listen to reason (or a proposal to go play among the stars, which may or may not be due to your inability to be normal about blond murderers), then, you'll have to take action. You have to try to LISTEN. If you really do, well- you might actually find a surpringly nice end to the conflict you brought. Looking at you, Toymaker. Gonna make you eat your "and yet", idiot.

The card also stands for change and instability, which is the very thing those gods stand for- as shown by the effect they have on your reality, and the consequences they can bring upon your world. Tho the change, sometimes, can be positive; every transformation is not from flesh to dust. Maybe, sometimes, you'll get to turn into infinite light or something (if you're lucky and don't end up eaten by your own piano, or origamied into your own realm made small). All in all, this chaos is ultimately the source of dreadful inner conflict for you. Your perspective is constantly challenged by someone else, by new informations, and your approach to the growing problem cause you a tone of moral dilemmas.

Unfortunately, it does not look like it's going to get better for you, Doctor. Oopsie!

And there we are, for the eleventh Doctor Who tarot card of the lots! To think that this all started with wanting to draw the Masters, and now, I'm sixty cards in. We're nearing the end....