#sometimes things will happen to me and i’m like WHYYYYYYY and then i remember

[lugosis]

good morning everyone i’m normal now i think i’m just autistic

[onetwosevensquad]

Dungeons and Dragons and... Love?: Dungeon Master

Mark Lee x Reader

Summary: the kind Dungeon Master who helps guide your team through your campaign also becomes your math tutor.

Warnings: none??

Rose: sorry this literally took forever to write. Hope your all still interested in this mini series. Next member is Renjun.

Main Masterlist

Series Masterlist

———

Why were you here again?

Oh right, cause you’re a giant nerd who needs an outlet.

The poster had caught your eye when you were headed to lunch one day. It was a beige poster with a 20 sided dice in the middle. That was what got your attention.

You had played Dungeons and Dragons with some of your friends before. It has been a few months since your last campaign and you didn’t know when the next one would start. So, in fear of not being able to escape to a fantasy world, you decided to check it out.

It was now 3:45 in the afternoon. School had ended 15 minutes ago, the hours ticking by slowly. You now stood outside of the AP Government classroom where Mr. Jung taught.

The poster, you remembered, said that Mr. Jung would oversee the club. He was your favorite teacher because he was funny and the class was enjoyable.

Finally, you slowly opened the door to the classroom and stepped in. In the middle of the room, a few desks had been pushed together to create a large table.

Sitting around the table were seven boys who were all staring at you. You awkwardly shifted your weight from one foot to the other, waiting for literally anyone to say something.

“Is this the d&d club?” You finally spoke.

“Y-yes,” the only boy who was standing said. You recognized him as Mark Lee. The cute, smart boy from calculus. “Yes, uh, grab a seat.”

You nodded and dragged a chair over to the only empty spot at the table. It was right next to Chenle, the loud basketball player you shared chemistry with.

“Well I’m pretty sure that we all know each other,” Mark said clearing his throat. “I’m not gonna make us do ice breakers cause literally no one likes those.”

“I do!” Haechan, the class clown that you also shared chemistry with.

“Only you,” Jeno, the star basketball player and probably the last person you expected here, commented. Haechan pouted and stuck his tongue out at Jeno.

“Anyway,” Mark said. “It’s my fist time DMing, but I have played before. Just so I know, who here has played before?”

You, along with Jisung, the quiet kid from history, Haechan, and Renjun, the kid from math who doesn’t do math but draws, raised your hands. Mark seemed to relax a bit when he saw there were at least a few experienced players.

“Well I guess this first meeting will be going over rules and how to play, then next time we’ll do character sheets,” Mark said.

———

It was now the third session and the first one of the start of you campaign. Last time, everyone made their characters, the atmosphere becoming less tense as time went on.

You made your character an Elf Wizard, something you’ve never played before. Everyone else had their own unique character combos, having fun coming up with the most ridiculous names for them.

Today, the party was slightly buzzing with excitement to finally start their campaign. You all gathered around the table giving character introductions, ready to get this show on the road.

Three hours, several rolls for initiative, and Haechan’s character almost dying later, Mr. Jung had to finally kick you all out of the building. The sun had already set and he was letting you way past what was allowed.

You realized how late it actually was and scrambled to get your stuff. You said a quick goodbye to the boys and Mr. Jung and sped off to get home before your parents killed you.

You get a ways down the hall when you heard someone running behind you.

“Y/n, wait up!” You turned to see Mark jogging to catch up with you. He stopped in front of you, breathing slightly harder. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you said back, smiling at the cute boy. You’ve never really had a full conversation with Mark. He’s quiet and, honestly, talking to someone attractive was a bit out of the realm of your comfort zone.

“C-can I have your number?” He said. Your eyes went wide and as did his when he realized what that sounded like. “So that I can add you to the group chat! Just in case anyone can’t make it or we cancel.”

“Yea, sure,” you said, slightly disappointed. You heard Mark exhale probably in relief that his save worked. You handed him your phone with your number displayed on the screen and he quickly put it in his.

“Thanks,” Mark said, handing you back your phone. You both stood there in the most suffocatingly awkward silence ever.

“Well bye,” you said turning to leave.

“Oh! Yea, uh, bye,” Mark said waving slightly. He turned back towards Mr. Jung’s room and you saw the other six boys crowded around. They were all giggling as Mark shoved that back into the room.

———

Six sessions and three weeks later, any morsel of awkwardness was gone. It was like you have known these seven boys your whole life.

The group chat blew up your phone with memes from that days session but didn’t you mind? No. Though sometimes at ungodly hours in the mornings, you still enjoyed the content.

On this particular day, you weren’t going to be able to join the session. Your calculus teacher was making you stay after school and retake a test that you failed miserably. You felt bad when you hand to text the group.

You: I can’t make it today

Haechan☀️: whyyyyyyy

You: I failed a calc test

You: I have to retake it

Lele🐬: thats stupid

Sungie: good luck Y/n

Injunie: yea gl

You: thanks boys

Marker: hey if you need any help studying for calc, I’d be happy to

jeNO: oh?

You: yea I’d like that, thanks

Minnie: ann I oop-

You laughed at Jaemin’s comment as you made your way to your calculus teachers classroom.

———

Considering the second time you took the test you barely past by the seat of your pants, you took Mark up on his offer to tutor you.

Today was the first day Mark was going to tutor you in the library. You walked in and saw him already set up at one of the tables in the very back.

“Hey,” you whispered. He smiled at you as you sat down next to him.

“Hey,” he said back. “Ready to get started?”

After about an hour and a half of Mark explaining different theorems to you, you were finally starting to get it. Whenever you asked a question, Mark would take the time to explain it to you carefully, making sure you got it along the way.

When he would give you a problem to solve, and you got it right, both of you would get excited, annoying the librarian. She ended up shushing you more than once.

“Hey, you hungry?” Mark asked.

“Not really,” you said. As if on cue, your stomach slightly growled, making Mark laugh. You looked down at your stomach, a pout on your face. “Traitor.”

“Come on,” Mark said between giggles. “Let’s get something to eat.”

You got your things and headed out of the library with Mark to get food.

———

For the next three weeks, this became your tradition. On the days the D&D club wasn’t meeting, you and Mark would study calculus in the library for about two hours, and then go get food. It always felt like a lot less time with Mark, him always making it enjoyable.

Today, you had a study session with Mark. As you neared the library, you noticed him standing outside the doors on his phone.

“Hey, what are you doing?” You asked. “I have a test tomorrow.”

“I know,” Mark said putting his phone away. “But you need a break.”

“Mark-“ you whined.

“No,” he said. “I think that you’re ready. You’ve made a lot of progress over the last couple weeks. Besides, they say you shouldn’t study the night before a test.”

“I don’t think that’s a thing,” you said crossing your arms.

“Maybe, I don’t know,” Mark said waving it off. “But, I do know that you’ve worked hard and whatever grade you get, I’m proud of you.”

You could feel your cheeks heating up at Mark’s words. You bit back a smile as he continued.

“So tonight we are not studying,” Mark said grabbing your hand and leading you away from the library. “We are going to the basketball game with the others to cheer on Chenle and Jeno.”

You didn’t protest as Mark led you down to the packed gym and over to where the rest of the boys were sat, waiting for the game to start.

———

After the game where your boys won, the party went out for dinner. Afterwards, Mark drove you home, the two of you talking about the game, D&D, or literally anything.

When Mark pulled into your driveway, he insisted on walking you to your steps. He said it was the gentlemanly thing to do.

“Hey,” Mark said when you got to your front door. “Good luck tomorrow.”

“Thanks,” you said.

“Tell me how it goes, ok?” He said. You nodded giving him a smile that he returned. “Good night.”

“Night,” you called after him as he went to his car.

———

At the end of the day, your calculus teacher had finished grading the tests. She told everyone to come pick them up before they left school.

When she handed your test to you, she had a big smile on her face. She made a comment about how nicely you did and how much you improved. When you finally saw the grade, you nearly passed out.

You practically ran to Mr. Jung’s room. D&D was today and you wanted to show Mark you grade. You arrived at his classroom, bouncing into the room.

“Well someone looks happy,” Jaemin commented.

“Did something mean happen?” Jisung asked. You stuck your tongue out at the younger boy making everyone laugh.

You made you way to Mark at the head of the table, him watching you with a smile. When you reached him, you slapped the paper with a big 90% scribbled at the top down in front of him.

“All thanks to you,” you said as he continued to stare at the paper.

“I told you so,” Mark said standing up. He caught you by surprise when he gave you a hug. “I’m proud of you.”

“Ugh, just date already,” Haechan commented from his chair. You and Mark pulled apart making a face at the boy, but avoiding each other’s eyes.

It’s not that you were entirely opposed to dating Mark. You just didn’t know if he felt the same way. And he didn’t. Right?

———

You and Mark continued your study sessions even after you proved you didn’t need to. You both agreed that it was to benefit both of you and not just an excuse to hang out.

One day, while walking out of calculus with Renjun, the boy made a comment that rocked your world.

“He likes you, ya know,” Renjun said.

“W-what,” you sputtered turning to him.

“Mark, he likes you,” He clarified. “I know like bro code, I’m not supposed to tell you or whatever, but I see the way you two look at each other. We all do. You should ask him out. He’d say yes.”

You stopped dead in your tracks thinking for a second. On one hand, this plan that you were formulating could embarrass you. On the other, you could get a date with your dungeon master / calculus tutor / crush.

“Y/n?” Renjun said turning to you. You quickly turned on your heel and made a mad dash for Mark’s locker. “Y/n!”

———

As you speed walked to Mark, you saw him in the distance talking to Jeno and Jaemin. Mark spotted you coming to him and waved at you.

“Hey, Y/n what’s-“

“Do you want to go an a date with me?” You said quickly.

“W-what?” Mark said.

“Jeno, I think that’s our cue,” Jaemin said dragging Jeno away.

“Do you want to go in a date with me?” You asked again, slower this time. Mark looked at you wide eyed, like a dear in headlights.

“A-a date?” He asked. You nodded, not trusting your voice not to shake. “Wow.”

“Wow?” You asked.

“Sorry! Sorry, I just never thought you’d ask and I’d have to do it,” Mark said. “But yes, I’d love to go on a date.”

“Oh thank god,” you said leaning against the lockers. Mark laughed at your dramatic reaction. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and turned you around to walk to lunch. As you turned, you and Mark stopped and saw the six other members of your party standing there amused.

“God, finally,” Haechan said.

“Took you long enough,” Chenle said.

As the eight of you walked to lunch, the boys continued to tease you and Mark. But when you looked up at him with his arm still around your shoulder, the teasing didn’t matter when Mark smiled at you.

———

[jbuffyangel]

Outlander 4x08 Reaction: “Wilmington”

To say I go through an emotional roller coaster watching “Wilmington” is an understatement.

Let’s dig in...

Roger found Brianna! That was a seriously awesome reunion hug. REWIND TIME.

Roger’s face when Brianna says, “I wanted to call you but I didn’t know how to tell you I love you” is worth a permanent freeze frame.

I know its been months and months and they’ve traveled through time, but we are not doing Brianna’s first time in a shack. No sir we are not. Zip it up Roger. Down boy.

“We’re not engaged. That seemed to be very important to you.” You’ll find that when it comes to men Brianna things that are very important become less important when presented with the opportunity to have sex because sex is most important 99.999% of the time.

Marriage is still important to Roger. We have just hit the .001%. Take a gander Brianna. This doesn’t happen often.

“Well then you have all of me.” WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE’RE GETTING MARRIED? YEAH!!!!!!!!!

I guess all a guy has to do to convince Brianna to marry him is to travel across time and risk life and limb. It’s so much simpler just to say yes when presented with jewelry girl, but do you I guess.

Seriously, I think Roger is going to burst from happiness. He’s a golden retriever with a Scottish accent.

“How can I say no to a man who pursued me for 200 years?” Facts.

Roger and Brianna are using an 1800s loop hole so they can have sex. I love this show.

We’re still not doing it in a shack kids.

It’s a hernia bro. Those ain’t pretty and it’s not going away with time.

Every time Claire is sent with ���the wives” Jamie gives her a look like, “Sorry about the 1800s misogyny babe.”

“That’s Colonel George Washington.” I audibly yelled, “WHAT?” and then I fangirled along with Claire.

“Chopping down cherry trees.” HAHAHA!

Jamie and Claire are actually boozing and talking politics with friggin George Washington. AMAZEBALLS.

Every time Jamie doesn’t know something about American history I’m all, “Come on Jamie. Read books!” and then I remember none of it has happened yet for him and I feel dumb.

Only Outlander can make a wedding & sex in a shack romantic as hell.

Jamie & Claire and Roger & Brianna are all in the same time and place but don’t know it. I am ready to pull my hair out.

Whoa. I guess Jamie and Claire aren’t going to be the only ones with hot love scenes.

“If I take you now it’s for always.” Holy shit Roger. I’m gonna faint.

Roger and Brianna’s pillow talk is adorable. Annnnnd they’re going again!

This play is terrible though right?

Jamie just ruptured a man’s hernia so he could save Murtagh. I SHIP ONE BROMANCE.

Jamie is hitching a ride with George Washington. Love it.

Just do what Claire says. Those are the rules of Outlander if you don’t want people to die.

Be grateful we have anesthesia now.

“No need of you. The lady has it in hand.” Damn right she does.

Murtagh you are gonna get your Scottish ass arrested again fool.

There isn’t a speck of blood on that white dress.

Jamie sent Fergus to save Murtagh!!! I just want all the characters to go to Jamie and Claire’s house for a pint and play some checkers or something. Is that so much to ask?

OMG OMG OMG OMG I FORGOT ROGER KNEW AND DIDN’T TELL BRIANNA. THIS IS BAD. SHE IS GONNA BE SO PISSED.

Roger: What could you do?

Brianna: This.

All the reasons Brianna is listing for why Roger should have told her also apply to Frank. Is she just not going to address that her father knew and did nothing too? Is she even angry at Frank? Or is she just throwing all her anger at Roger? Brianna has a right to be angry at BOTH men but it feels like she’s only holding Roger accountable. Well, he’s also the only one out of the two who is alive so that might have something to do with it Jen. I just did a whole thing there in my head.

Sophie Skelton’s acting improves dramatically when she’s opposite Richard Rankin. This gives me great hope.

Yeah, pulling out the “you have to listen to me now because you’re my wife” isn’t the way to go Roger. *hands him a shovel*

Children you are married. You don’t get to cut and run when things get rough. Put your big boy and big girl pants on now.

“You’re acting like a child.” Sorry Roger. Team Brianna on this one. Should have told her dude. I told you to tell her but did you listen to me? Nooooo.

“No one is stopping you.” Ouch.

So are they married? Not married? Just saying the words so they can bang but don’t really mean them? Get it together Outlander Next Generation.

I’m having a very difficult time believing Roger would leave Brianna unattended at night during this time. I have a very difficult time believing Roger would leave Brianna unattended at night in present day. He literally traveled across time because he thought she might die or get hurt. They have one fight and he peaces out? Come on writers.

“Washington’s day will come.” Yup, he puts a boot up your ass. It’s fantastic!

DON’T. GO. WITH. HIM. BRIANNA.

Oh my God he rapes her???? I hate this damn show sometimes.

Oh holy freaking hell. This is why Roger leaves because Brianna can’t get raped if he’s around! I really don’t like the writers right now.

Wait a minute. Did they marry Brianna and Roger in this rushed wedding just so her first time wasn’t rape? And since she slept with Roger then it is open season on Brianna? She’s not a virgin anymore so now they can introduce the rape storyline???? It’s not appropriate to rape any woman at any time - virgin or not. But the timing of all of these events feel especially messed up. I’m sorry. I’m just really angry and upset right now. What the fuck? *walks away from computer to eat my feelings*

Still processing, but I’m eating a cookie so maybe things will look up soon. Damn this show is hard to watch sometimes. It’s just one horrific thing after another. Merry friggin Christmas, writers.

I just want to cry because everything Claire says to Marsali about being unable to protect your child from all the awful things in world became true for Brianna. But Claire doesn’t even know she’s here in this time or what happened.

Just tell me Jamie gets to kill Bonnet. No, tell me Roger gets to torture Bonnet for hours culminating in cutting his dick off and then Jamie gets to kill him. No, scratch that. Roger tortures, Brianna cuts off the penis and Jamie kills him. I’m very much invested in this being a father, daughter and son-in-law activity. Claire can come too. She probably has ways to keep him awake during procedures.

Well I guess Brianna and Jamie get to bond over their mutual traumas. That’s just swell Outlander. They couldn’t have bonded over their mutual love for math or something?

I just wanted Brianna to go to Fraser’s Ridge, meet her father and have tea and biscuits with her parents. Yes, I know that it doesn’t sound dramatic to you writers but sounds like a friggin dream come true for me!

Ugh. Everything is awful. I need more cookies.

And Brianna is just going to “solider on” because she wants to save her mother. She is going to bury her trauma like Jamie because she’s a Fraser through and through. WHY DOES THIS SHOW HATE ME? WHY ARE THEY DETERMINED TO EVISCERATE MY SOUL? WHYYYYYYY?

I’m still really ticked off. This is a horrible thing to do to Jamie’s daughter after everything he went through with Black Jack Randall. The writers can control the story. Can we stop with all the rape?

I don’t know you guys. This episode was so wonderful and so awful all at once. I’m so sad and angry. I’m gonna watch Love Actually.

[sirfrogsworth]

Sometimes my brain fog makes me feel pretty dumb. I go to the kitchen and forget why. Then I go back to bed and realize I actually meant to pee and in the 20 steps to the bathroom forgot I had to go. So I get up again and somehow end up back in the kitchen. I open the fridge and confusedly stare at my food. And it isn’t until I do the potty dance that I realize, “Oh, I should probably pee.” I then shuffle-step my way to the proper location and curse my brain for failing me yet again.

My brain self esteem can get pretty low after events like that. So when something happens that makes me feel super smart, it’s hard not to brag about it. 

Which I’m totally going to do now. 

I keep seeing stories all over the place where people are explaining that Groot 1.0 is super dead and Groot 2.0 is a completely different tree-person. Some are saying Groot 2.0 is a real son-of-a-Groot, others are saying it’s more like a clone. I think technically he is a cutting. Which is when you take a piece of a plant and use asexual propagation to create a brand new organism. I’m not sure if clone or son fits exactly. 

Whatever Groot 2.0 is, people are freaking out about Groot Prime being very very dead. 

They are shocked... SHOCKED, I SAY! 

Often leaving analytical internet comments like “noooooooo” and “whaaaaaaat????” and “whyyyyyyy?” and also “James Gunn you have broken my Groot-loving heart you soulless mongrel!”

And I’m like, “People didn’t know this? I thought this was common knowledge clearly spelled out by context clues in the movies.” And then I’m like, “I must be one smart sci-fi botany enthusiast if I knew this and all these dummies did not. Maybe I’m a very stable genius or something.” 

I thought it was obvious because Groot made a selfless sacrifice to save his newfound family. It would make no narrative sense to bring that Groot back to life because it would totally negate the emotional impact of his powerful, tragic choice. Why would Rocket be crying if he knew he could just regrow his best friend? Plus, I knew that you could grow new plants from cuttings. You cannot take a cutting and grow the same plant. I remembered this because I had weird memory flashes from a high school biology lesson. The class was especially  memorable because my teacher was a mustachio’d misanthropic alcoholic who hated his life and only found solace in the beautiful science of nature. 

Then there was Groot 2.0′s behavior. He was clearly acting like a different person. Going through stages as a baby, a precocious toddler, and then an obnoxious smelly adolescent rebelling against his parental figures. It didn’t seem like he had any knowledge from before. There was a reason he seemed quite a bit dumber. Babies are dumb. If you ask a baby what 2+4 is, they just make those little spit bubbles and fart a bunch.  

Groot Prime did none of that. He was a kind, mature tree person that drank water from questionable sources. I thought it was pretty apparent this was a different Groot from the moment I saw him dancing in the pot. But since so many people didn’t put all that together, it’s clear I should brag about my intelligence on the internet and say I am the smartest person to ever smart. 

I mean, I guess it’s possible that I just lucked into making the proper connections to figure this out. Just because I caught the context clues and retained knowledge of plant cuttings from a biology lesson from years ago, I suppose that doesn’t necessarily mean I have superior intelligence. And it’s possible that there are tons of people as smart or smarter than me that understood different movie plot points that I couldn’t parse. I still have no clue what happened in Donnie Darko. 

I’ll also admit I had to read the plot of Inception on Wikipedia.

Three times. 

And, in the end, I did go to the kitchen to pee... on several occasions. 

But I think I’m still going to let my ego run wild for a bit longer and brag about my super brainy GotG conclusions until I do another super dumb thing. 

Maybe I’ll go for broke and pee in the kitchen sink next time. Who knows?

[mercy-thompson-fanfiction]

Can we see something of that AU you came up with a while back?

Whyyyyyyy do you doooooo this? (I realize I originally said Honey was a TA, so sorry I changed it but I found it funny)Here are some quick AU snippets: ——-

Anna took in the apartment, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she nervously stepped over the threshold. Charles didn’t seem to notice her hesitation, just continued forward into the darkness.

He was cooking something, she recognized the scent of something spice-filled from the kitchen area. A slow cooker was on the countertop bubbling away, steam rising from the top. Had he told her he preferred to cook over ordering in? She couldn’t remember, she’d just met him a few days before. When she told her roommate that she was going to his place for dinner, her roommate had thought she was insane.

She jumped forward when the door slammed behind her. That, Charles noted, and he reappeared from behind the little piece of wall separating the kitchen and living room. The silence that settled over them was unnerving so she hastily glanced behind him.

“Oh…” He turned his head to see what she was looking at when her eyes widened. Charles didn’t often have company, save for his brother when he visited, and he sometimes forgot his furnishings were a little expensive for the average college student. “I don’t really watch TV…there’s Netflix on it if you want something–”

“Oh, no, it’s fine.” She said quietly, wondering just what she had gotten herself into. Clearly, compared to the boy in front of her, she was from the wrong side of the tracks.

———-

“Hey, Mercy!” A familiar voice called behind me as I exited my dorm. Kyle had his leather messenger bag slung across his body which meant he was likely on his way to class. He seemed to always be on his way to class, but it made sense given he was in a three-and-three program for law. My mother had pushed at me to try for the program, but I lacked the interest. “Warren and I were going to have a movie night tonight. He’s going to grab drinks and pizza on his way back from work and anything else if you want. I think the exchange student might join us this time.”

When he added the last bit, it was with a huge grin. He had been trying for weeks to get he and Warren’s new suitemate out of his bedroom. The previous occupant of the single in their dorm had chosen to study abroad for the full year. The newcomer, Ben, had mostly kept to himself outside of apparently being very aggressive with his new roommates. While it aggravated Kyle initially, Warren hadn’t been too phased. It wasn’t the sexuality of his roommates that put the newcomer off, it was just about everything else.

That much had been made clear since Ben had slowly begun to open up and venture into the world with us. Two weeks prior, I had spotted him at a party. He’d been anxious and, we’d later found out, on something. Since then, we’d secretly discovered his irritability had only somewhat to do with his personality and another somewhat to do with him not having connections enough in the US to find drugs.

I, myself, wasn’t interested in collecting drug addicted friends, but if life had taught me one thing it was how to help people.

“You should bring cookies.” Kyle said suddenly, snapping me out of my thoughts. I frowned at him, I’d just brought him cookies yesterday when a classmate and I had baked. “In case Adam comes by.” He lowered his voice to avoid others passing us listening in. “He’s listed as the RA on duty today. You know he has a total soft spot for you.”

How the hell Adam Hauptman balanced ROTC and Residential Life would always be a mystery. I think some of it had to do with the fact he knew someone on the board of directors, even in passing, and they gave him some extra help with housing.

Adam was our RA for the floor we were on. All RAs had singles, but it was unusual for their roommate to, even though Darryl did. Warren had originally dormed with them, but when he chose to go into the housing draw with Kyle, Adam pulled strings to get them on the same floor.

Supposedly, they were the same strings he pulled to get Darryl’s girlfriend on the floor, albeit with apparently random roommates because I’d gotten stuck with them. Auriele realistically wasn’t bad, and she honestly spent most of her time in Darryl’s room anyhow so our bedroom would have been mine if Honey–one of our other three roommates–hadn’t unofficially moved into it. Apparently she had enough of her double. Mary Jo was, I’d admit, a little much to deal with sometimes. Notoriously, she partied too hard. Honey made a joke once that it was because she forgot she was a girl and couldn’t handle half the liquor her friends could.

The last roommate and only intended single we had was Christy.

Had I meant it as a personal attack last semester when I cared more for Adam’s feelings over their breakup and therefore brought him cookies?

Absolutely not.

Was I ok with the fact she took it that way?

It was kind of funny.

I hardly knew her, though, and I hadn’t honestly realized she had taken the breakup hard else maybe she would have gotten a plate. She seemed perfectly happy with the way things had turned out, given she was supposedly seen with her current law school boyfriend nearly immediately following.

“Christy would be suspicious if I used the oven more than one day in a row.” I grinned. Kyle shoved me playfully before his eyes glazed over a little. “Stop drooling, Kyle, you’re drawing attention.” ROTC was out on the green this morning like usual.

“Adam is looking at you.”

“Keep walking.” I hissed, speeding up and tugging him with me. His laughter almost certainly was loud enough to carry and it only served to make me blush.

——–

“You brought a girl you just met to a funeral?” Samuel whispered lowly to his brother. Charles elbowed his older sibling stealthily. “Charles, I’m sorry I apparently taught you nothing of dating but this isn’t how you do it.”

Their father quieted them, two adult men, with a stern glance. It was his friend who had passed, and long before his time. It seemed to happen a lot, though. The man’s heart had gone, likely related to the stress of his job or the drugs he’d done in his youth.

“Who is that?” The girl beside Samuel’s brother, Anna he had been told, asked. She nodded to a woman who had appeared, standing beside a new sports, car looking impatient.

“Wicked witch of the west.” Charles snickered at his older brother’s joke. As if she knew they were referencing her, the woman tilted her sunglasses down. “Step-mom, evil as they come.”

Anna looked taken aback and Samuel frowned. It wasn’t that difficult to recognize there were few physical similarities between him and his brother. Samuel’s own mother had passed away when he was six and Charles’ mother had come around only a year after. When Samuel was eight, he had a baby brother who’s mother had unnervingly passed in childbirth.

Charles was five before their father remarried.

When his younger brother didn’t answer his new friend’s questioning gaze, Samuel sighed.

“My mother passed when I was young, Charles’ died in childbirth. Our father is probably the only if his friends to never divorce but the wife who lasted longest was the biggest nightmare.” Charles snorted and Samuel rolled his eyes. “He thinks she’s in it for the money.”

Anna seemed to contemplate that.

“And you?”

“No, she cares for him in her own, twisted way I think.” Samuel watched as the woman began to tap her foot. He hadn’t understood her reasoning in not going to the funeral. She’d complained something about the types of people their da’ hung out with, but it simply seemed childish to him.

Anna nodded and leaned closer to Charles.

[darkstrangevirgilanxiboi]

IRL Glitches In My Life

All right so in my 23 years on this beautiful nightmare rock in space , I've had some wild shit happen to me. So here's a list of all the things that have me wondering if 1- I'm a protagonist with a grand destiny foretold ages ago in a prophecy 2- I'm a protagonist with a curse of unusual luck and unspeakable tragedy in store 3- I'm an antagonist and am one hot mess away from an origin story 4- I'm a video game character who's become self aware and the game is trying to delete me 5- I'm actually a fairy , and am a changeling ( strongly hoping tbh) Anyway ,sometimes my life is wilder than a shonen protagonist's ~ - At the age of five , on a family vacation , I managed to stop myself from falling into a deep hole at a monorail platform. How I managed to simply defy physics when much of my weight was over the edge , I don't know. All I know is that five year old me was a millimeter away from death and only laughed at the sheer depth of the abyss - Apparently once when I was like three months old , my uncle was fooling around and juggling knives for laughs. Little baby me was chilling at the table , watching with glee , until my uncle screwed up and a knive flew off-course and quite nearly landed in my tiny hand, missing by a very slim margin. Baby me , according to uncle Tony , immediately tries to pull the knife out of the high chair tray LIKE SOME KIND OF BABY WINTER SOLDIER My uncle nearly faints , and somewhere buried in years worth of junk is probably a picture of baby me grinning away as I try to pull the knife that nearly took my fingers out of the tray table - SO WHEN I WAS IN FIRST GRADE WE HAD A CLASS PET AND IT WAS A GODDAMN SNAKE Wtf Michigan why would you even allow that .... Anyway some prankster kid snuck the snake into my backpack and so when I open it to get my lunchbox , Mr.Hades slithers up my arm . Now most six year olds would freak the fuck out . But me? I watched way too many nature documentaries. I read a lot. So I just calmly drop my bag , and walk to the teacher , and in a very quiet voice announce that I have a snake on my arm. The teacher flipped his shit so bad that the snake freaks and bites me , sending twelve other children into immediate horror. Twenty minutes , a shot of anti-venom, a really cool Spiderman bandaid , lots of fussing , and one hyperventilating teacher later, I go down in my school's history as the girl who fears no snake. I don't even remember what type it was But it was a really chill snake most of the time - THAT TIME WHEN I ALMOST IMPALED MYSELF ON A BOULDER Yeah so if you've gone camping you've probably been tricked into 'snipe hunting ' , which is just a game of looking for made up creatures in pitch dark . Anyway I have glasses and can't see for shit without them and I also have asthma , so running around in the mountains at night ? Death sentence tbh This was like five years ago but I still remember it vividly . So I'm at church camp with like 50 other girls ( oh the days when I was forcibly identified as female ) and at WTF O Clock at night , some of the older girls ( 17-19 ) wake up my tent full of sleepy teens. I'm the oldest in my tent at 17, so I'm skeptical as hell but also super easily duped because TIRED Anyway the other girls tell us they heard scary noises in the woods so we all tumble out in pajamas with flashlights and one chick dragged along her body pillow of Sasuke Uchiha ( love you Jackie ) and we trailed into the woods like a group of doomed horror flick protagonists. At some point someone screams , which freaks out anyone who's even half awake , and we all just start booking it in the direction we think camp is. My flashlight buddies ditched me early on so all I have to see by is a flimsy little glowstick. And I run right into a boulder , nearly breaking my leg. It hurt like a bitch so I screamed , and suddenly all the others come running to me and soon I see that the boulder I ran into is all jagged, and that if I'd not tripped into it , I would have hit it with my face . My right knee was a mess , and it took like a month to fully heal. I still have trouble with it sometimes if I've been on my feet too long. - The first quicksand incident , in which thirteen year old me is traipsing through the woods hunting for a cool walking stick , and suddenly finds my foot sinking into a weird hole. With a lot of swearing and effort , I rescue my foot but sacrifice a shoe. ( if anybody finds a single size five white sneaker in a forest in Utah , I want it back ) - THAT TIME I WOKE UP DURING AN EARTHQUAKE So I used to live in Utah , in an area prone to quakes. Most of em were tiny, but this one? Shook the house. Woke up and everything in the house was like blurry from the shakiness. Anyway, at the time my bookcase was near my bed, and the bookcase just decided to collapse literally TWO SECONDS after I wake up , falling in a loud whump right where my head had been seconds before. I don't even know why I woke up but for once I was glad to be a restless sleeper - That time I almost drank Poisonous Things So my high school science teacher was a notorious prank fiend. He loved to spook us. But one time my class decides to spok him. He made a chemical mix that looked like soda , like Coca Cola , but was actually a mix of like eight separate deadly things ( including , I think, arsenic? Formaldehyde, for sure ) , and leaves it in a glass on one of the tables. He leaves the room , and I come back in from the bathroom. I see what I assume is some poor fool's unattended soda. But of course this is the school's most notorious prankster class, so I'm not immediately like ' drink?" Nah, I carefully take the cup with me to my seat , pull out a water balloon from my pocket ( don't ask me why I, a nearly innocent teen, carried these) , stick it in my mouth , and lift the cup to my mouth at the same time I inhale . ( learned this trick in biology class actually , it's great if you don't know what's in your drink! ) The water balloon catches the chemical mix , but that's not what my class sees. A horrified shriek , a frantic teacher , and a dumbfounded class of teens later, I am given a dubious award from my fellow students for being " Batgirl levels of insane " consisting of an actual soda and a small toy frog I think my poor teacher almost had heart failure , sorry Mr Fullmer . Anyway yeah I almost got killed by a prank 😂( like three times actually ) - That Time Winter Itself Tried To Off Me ( but for whyyyyyyy??? I am big fan? I love Toshiro Hitsugaya and Jack Frost? I love cold boys? ) Anyway I was 19 ( oh a recent near death experience , yayyyyyy) and had just been stood up. Which left me in a city I didn't know , with no money and no place to crash for the weekend until my bus back showed up. So I'm stuck at the bus station , locked outside at night with my suitcase in freaking OCTOBER. I had no coat on because I had assumed I wouldn't be in the outdoors very much . So I'm there in a thin long sleeve shirt and jeans , and it's raining. Which turns to sleet. Which turns to huge hail chunks . AND THEN AS IF I'VE ANGERED FATHER WINTER HIMSELF, A BLIZZARD ERUPTS But it stays isolated to only the block I'm on. IT FOLLOWS ME LIKE A HELLISH SHADOW And I'm stuck in this chaos for 4 hours , at one point trying to fit in my suitcase for shelter, and finally I'm able to get a ride back to my school ( I was in trade school at the time ) By the time my ride gets there, I am a block of human ice. I'd gotten hypothermia and minor frostbite and a wicked case of bronchitis. So yeah..... There's more but I just wanna sleep and try to forget that nature itself is against me tbh