#sometimes things will go really bad but its okay you are learning ( p.s. i burned a lot of desserts)

[teddybear-shownu]

The internet has given me so much information to make food and I am so powerful now.

[gloomybabygirl]

{chicken soup} Poe Dameron x reader

this story depicts the reader struggling with an eating disorder and being helped through an episode of self hatred. please read with caution.

a/n: hi hi this is a little self indulgent comfort fic because I had a rough time dealing with my ED today :) part 3 of ‘in my head’ is coming, I promise!! I'm trying to make sure I love it before I post. also p.s. I know Coraline isn't in Star Wars aksdjbjdb it’s just my chicken soup movie OKAY 

warnings: depictions of an eating disorder (body dysmorphia and starvation), mentions of self hatred, mentions of weight (not specified), self deprecation (reader), this is a fluff comfort fic! if any of these are a trigger, please consider skipping this one. take care of yourselves loves, you’re all beautiful <3

word count: 1633 (oops I meant to make it shorter)

summary: Poe comforts you when he realizes you haven't been taking care of yourself

You were getting sick of the face looking back at you in the mirror. You had studied your own face for so long you were pretty sure you’d filled your quota for the year. You’d been in the refresher for the better part of the night. Ignoring the hunger pains you felt, you continued to inspect yourself. You slowly rotated and contorted your naked body at odd angles trying desperately to find a way to accept what you were seeing reflected back at you. You ran your hands along the parts of you that you weren't so fond of and poked and prodded them. You shifted your eyes back up to the face that you had spent so long scrutinizing. Puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks stared back at you. You climbed up onto the counter and sat cross legged so you were nose to nose with your reflection. You stared into you own eyes as the tears welled up once more. 

Poe had been gone for two days with BB-8 on a mission. He hated to leave you alone and worried that you wouldn’t take care of yourself while he was away. You lied through your teeth when you told him you’d be okay without him. 

The truth was that you couldn't heal alone. Sure, you had to do most of the work yourself, but Poe’s understanding and love was an integral step into you feeling like yourself again. It was okay for you to need help.

You jumped when you heard the blast doors open, scrambling off the counter. Your hastily tied your robe around your waist just as Poe stepped into the refresher. 

“Baby you're not going to believe this mission! I had a run in wi-” He stopped mid sentence when his caring eyes met your bloodshot ones. “What’s wrong my love?” He took two long strides to you and cupped his hands over your cheeks, wiping the tears with the rough pads of his thumbs. His eyes turned more worried when you didn't respond, just gnawed anxiously at your lip. How could you tell him how you were feeling? He would never understand. 

“Baby?” He moved his hands to stroke your arms, desperate to elicit a response from you. All you could do was look up at him, immediately feeling the tears fall once you saw the distressed look in his eyes. 

He pulled you into his warm embrace, guiding the back of your head to rest on his chest with your folded hands against your face. Strong, protective arms completely encompassed you and Poe gently rocked you where you stood. He pressed kisses to the top of your head, patiently waiting for you to be ready to talk about what was bothering you. 

It wasn't always easy for Poe. Patience was a learned trait for him. He wanted you to be able to come out and say exactly how you were feeling so he could help you feel better faster. Over the years he came to find that sometimes you needed time to process exactly how you were feeling. You were filled with deep, complex emotions that were often times hard for you to sift through. 

You sniffled and lifted your head to look at him. 

“I hate myself,” you muttered, looking away from his eyes. You couldn't look at him and say those words to him when you knew he loved you so much. 

He pulled you back into his arms. “Please don't talk that way about my girlfriend. I love her. And she has so many lovable qualities.” 

You lifted you head again, allowing him to wipe away the fresh tears. 

“Did my girlfriend eat while I was away?” he asked innocently. You once again had to look away when his face fell with the realization that you hadn’t. He was upset that you hadn't taken care of yourself while he was gone. When you were feeling insecure about your body, it was a bad habit of yours to starve yourself. 

“Baby you need to eat. Please?” 

You shook your head, feeling like you were underserving of food when you hated the way your body looked. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

You nodded. 

“If I asked you to take care of something important to me, would you?” 

“Yes, of course,” you responded automatically. 

“Then why aren’t you taking care of yourself?” He asked, cupping your face and giving the tip of your nose a kiss. He then led you over to the bed, guiding you to sit when he noticed you were wobbly from lack of nutrition. 

“Stay here, I’ll be right back, I promise,” He looked over at BB-8 in his charging station. “BB, you’re in charge of cuddles until I get back, okay buddy?” 

The droid beeped dutifully and proceeded to roll over to you, nudging you and chirping happily. 

_

The blast doors flew open twenty minutes later revealing Poe with food in one hand and a stack of holovids in the other.

“First, food and water. You deserve nourishment, my love. And you don’t need to feel guilty about eating, I’m going to eat the same thing you do.” 

You were reluctant to eat with him but you could’t resist when he revealed he had brought your favorite food home. 

“And don't worry about finishing it, you know I always have room for whatever you don’t eat,” he smiled at you, knowing he didn't really need to remind you of this fact.

Once he was satisfied with the sustenance you had put in your body, he pulled you to your feet. He guided you back to the refresher and let go of you only for a moment to start the shower. 

He respectfully helped you undress and then stripped himself, waiting for the water to be a bearable temperature. When he was satisfied with is very scientific ‘hand water temperature test’, he stepped into the shower, pulling you with him. 

Under the steaming water he massaged shampoo through your hair, smiling to himself as he saw your eyes flutter closed at the feeling. 

“Will you talk to me?” you asked. “Tell me about your mission. I just want to hear your voice.” The warm water was starting to relaxing you. 

He laughed to himself, but began to tell you about the mission he’d spent the last two days on. He kept his tone even, even during the exciting parts so that his voice maintained its soothing lull. 

When he was done washing you and had done the same to himself, he took a step back to admire you, keeping his hands on your lower back. 

“Beautiful,” he murmured, so quietly you weren't even sure you’d heard it correctly. 

Suddenly self-conscious with his eyes burning you, your arms came up to hide your body from him. He shook his head and carefully placed your arms back at your sides. 

“You don't ever have to hide from me,” he whispered. 

Poe took his time with you under the running water. He kissed every inch of the body that he loved so much, paying special attention to his favorite parts of you, and to the parts of you he knew you weren't fond of. He whispered how much he loved each part of you as he went, slowly making his way across your skin, painting you with his lips. His words flowed out and bathed you in love and warmth, making you start to believe them. If this is what it would take for you to learn to love yourself, Poe would do it everyday. He wanted you to see yourself the way he saw you. 

Once he felt satiated from you, he turned the shower off, still holding you in his arms. He wrapped you in a fluffy towel before grabbing your hand and once again leading you to the main room of your shared quarters. 

He pulled out your favorite pajamas and helped you dress in them, smiling at how cute you looked with your wet hair and fresh face. He donned his softest pajamas, knowing you'd snuggle into him regardless, but not wanting to take any chances. 

He turned to look at you sitting on the bed, quiet but no loner looking like you were going to cry. Progress. 

He held up the selection of holovids he had stolen from Finn, “Which chicken soup movie tonight, my love?” 

You surveyed his choices, smiling at the fact that he knew you well enough to have chosen all your favorite comfort movies. “Coraline,” you decided. You wanted something you’d seen over and over so you could fall asleep while you watched. 

“Coraline it is,” he began the holovid and made his way over to the bed, burrowing himself under plush blankets he had also stolen (from Leia this time). 

“Come here baby,” he opened his arms to you. You readily climbed into his open arms, relishing in the way his arms instantly wrapped around you. This was your happy place. 

“Thank you,” you whispered against his neck, giving him a small kiss there. 

“You’re welcome baby. But you don’t have to thank me, I want you to love yourself and I’ll do anything I can to make that happen.” He pressed a soft kiss to your lips, nose, forehead, and lips again before you nuzzled back into his neck. 

Halfway through the movie, Poe looked down to find you had fallen asleep, mouth slightly open. He felt his heart soften and relief wash over him at seeing you peacefully sleeping in his arms. He could finally relax, knowing his efforts had succeeded.

Poe wanted you to love yourself as much as he loved you. And he would help you in whatever ways you needed until you loved who you saw in the mirror.

[rosereview]

Ketch-Up: Jan - Mar 2020

Okay so I’ve been terrible at this blog thing, only posting sometimes, but I guess that’s why I have it, it’s just for me to post shit when I feel like it. So I decided to do this new Ketch-Up series for whenever I want to talk about a bunch of stuff at once. So a lot has happened at the start of 2020, musically, in the book world and with TV. So my plan is to just talk about certain things in each category and see what happens. 

Movies:

Since getting Netflix for Christmas, I have been watching a lot of stuff. There are five movies I’d specifically like to talk about, which I watched from January till the beginning of March, but these are by no means even half of the amount of movies I watched, just the ones I need to write about.

6 Balloons

So I started watching this after I finished Now You See Me 2 and I just wanted more Dave Franco because I love him, so 6 Balloons popped up as being one of his recent films and I decided to watch it after being intrigued with the synopsis. Firstly, I was not expecting it to be scripted and filmed the way it was. It was super emotional and I have mixed feelings about it, although I do not regret watching it. It’s major theme is addiction, so if you're not into that, or it may trigger you, don’t watch it because that’s all it’s about. I really did like the brother and sister dynamic that it had, but the whole journey that the main character goes through to help her brother is stressful and it had this creepy stress reliever audio going on in the sister’s head which really put me off, but was powerful at the same time.

Miss Americana

This one is the documentary of Taylor Swift and I loved it. I thought it was so interesting and even watched it again with my mom because I thought that Taylor’s story was such an intriguing one. I really understand now where she was at with the Reputation album and the reason for the song choices she had. At first I was not a big Taylor Swift fan except for the occasional song, but now I gotta say that with this Lover era and Taylor being more open and using her voice for what she believes in, I may become a full blown Swifty. 

P.S. I Still Love You

The sequel to To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before is a rom com, based off of the YA book series, which I have read and enjoyed. The first movie was really great which I have watched more than once, so I was expecting good things from this next movie. And it definitely wasn’t bad, but I did not fully enjoy the second book, so it’s not surprising that I didn’t love this movie. I’m just a big Peter Kavinsky fan and when John Ambrose McClaren shows up, I just cringe. Also Lara Jean is more cringy in this movie because of the way she plays both John and Peter and is practically running away from her problems with Peter, and reliving baby school romance with John Ambrose. I just think the idea of liking a guy that you had a crush on when you were ten is so stupid because no one is the same person from when they were ten, and all those “moments” that you had were really nothing more than two kids hanging out! I would rather have just had the first book be a standalone I think.

Marriage Story

This movie is really sad. It won an Oscar so I thought I should look into it. I saw it on Netflix and really liked the plot so I watched it and boy was it ever sad. The whole plot is about divorce and the whole experience and journey to actually getting a divorce and how it is so easy for it to get messy even with two adults who are still friends. I thought it was a very well made movie and I loved both Scarlett Johanson and Adam Driver in it. They did so well. 

Crazy Stupid Love

This was one of my more recent watches and I was pleasantly surprised with the way the story went. I really liked a lot of the elements of the story, but some parts did make me feel uncomfortable. Like the babysitter having a crush on the dad and was going to send him nudes, while his son had a major crush on her. It was just really weird, but the overall themes of family were really sweet, and the same goes for the friendship the dad had with the young guy in the bar who started to date his oldest daughter. But overall it was really good. 

TV Shows:

Formula One: Drive to Survive Seasons 1 & 2

As our first real Netflix watch, my family and I got addicted to this docuseries. I thought it was interesting and amazing for the whole first season and when the second season came out, it just got better. In the second season we got to see the bigger formula one teams as well as all of the drama with the smaller teams and see the totally different worlds with the ones with money and the ones without. It was honestly an amazing ride and I can’t wait for the next season.

Sherlock Season 1

This is the other full season that I watched in these three months and I got to say that I really enjoyed it. Honestly some parts freaked me out, but overall I loved learning and seeing Sherlock and Watson grow together. The mysteries were all very intriguing and made me want more and I will definitely continue watching through the next seasons.

Books:

This list is without my most recent read, Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare, because I have a whole other post/review for that one, so if you want to hear my thoughts, check it out, either on my post list, or scrolling down to the post before this one!

Beartown by Fredrik Backman

This book was amazing! The way it was written was literally the most powerful thing I have ever experienced. This book does deal with heavy subjects, but the way it is told is so cool, showing everyone’s perspective. If you get the chance to read this, then do it because it will change you.

Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor

So this book I had heard so many good things about so I was excited to read it, but the problem was that I have been in kind of a reading slump, and starting a new fantasy series is never the smartest thing to do when that happens. But I had heard great things, so I thought that this book would get me out of that slump, but it epicly failed. It was a good book and I enjoyed the plot, but there was nothing supper exciting or special about it. I think I’ll still read the second book, but it’s not high on my priority list. It just wasn’t the best time for me to read it I guess.

China Rich Girlfriend by Kevin Kwan

This book was fun to read. I had been wanting to read it ever since I finished Crazy Rich Asians, but just hadn’t gotten the time to, but I’m glad I finally have because it’s such a nice fluffy read, filled with drama, but you don’t really have to think during the read. It’s a perfect reading slump read. Definitely recommend the series, it’s a ride in a good way. 

Catharsis: Pain by Rowan Dugray

This book is actually all poetry which is very outside of my comfort zone, but a girl I knew in high school wrote this so I had to buy it and read it. I got to say that I was really impressed and I really liked a lot of the poems. Lots of them were very thought provoking and relatable, while others were just very sad and painful. But that’s the beauty of poetry, it’s pure emotion and abstract feelings put into words.

Romanov by Nadine Brandes

This one was also a slow read, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t enjoyable. It was actually very educational and I loved seeing the way that Russia was during the revolution. It was a slow burn type of book, but the characters were fun people to read about and see interact, so that made up for the lesser plot points in the book. I loved the end and thought it was a very good book overall. 

Music:

These are just a few of the songs and artists that I had a lot of feelings about and which came out during these months. 

Faouzia- The Road

The Road was Faouzia’s first song out in 2020, but I also want to talk about her many singles that came out in 2019 as well because wow! I love Faouzia and all of her songs are just so powerful and beautiful. I need an album from her ASAP because I get literally too excited for new singles to come out and it’s almost toture waiting. She also posts her ‘work-in-progress’ snip-its and I literally just keep relistening to them when I get a craving for Faouzia and new music. When she comes out with an album, I will definitely listen to it on repeat. 

Olivia O’Brien- The Results of My Poor Judgement

So at first I wasn’t sure about these mixtape things Olivia was starting to come out with, especially with the first one that was released at the end of last year. It was called “A Sad Fucking Summer” I think, and I wasn’t like really impressed, until this next mixtape came out. This mixtape, “Results of My Poor Judgement” has three songs on it, unlike the first one that only had two, and I am in love with all three! Literally they are just so good and I can’t stop listening to them. Josslyn is a literal bitch fest that makes me so happy, while the other two just hit hard in the emotions while they are still great bops. I don’t know how she does it!

Katy Perry- Never Worn White

For this one, I saw the video first when it was released and the number one viewed video on YouTube. At first I was confused because I didn’t know Katy Perry was engaged, and I was like this is for sure a wedding song. And then I got to the end of the video… and she’s pregnant! It was her pregnancy reveal, and I thought it was the most beautiful thing ever. I am a sucker for personal songs that show the singer's personal life and obviously have a lot of meaning to them. That’s probably why I never really liked Katy Perry’s newest stuff before, because it’s never felt really real to me and more just to make a pop album. But to see Katy Perry in this video, singing this song, made me so happy, especially since she was like my idol when I was little and now she’s growing up and moving on in life and it’s just really nice to see.

Julia Michaels- Heartless

I am a big Julia Michaels fan. (Not as big as a Halsey fan, but I do love Julia!) So until Julia starts releasing her own projects again, like hopefully a Inner Monologue Part 3, I will have to settle for collabs like this one. Honestly though, I really like this song and it’s got a lot of feeling to it while still making you want to get up and dance. It’s just a really good country number and I hope Julia does more country, because she sounds good in it.

Alec Benjamin- Narrated for You and These Two Windows

So the newest favourite artist I found these three months was Alec Benjamin! I love the newer music he’s releasing right now and can’t wait for his new album to come out in April, but also I discovered his debut album, which I was really impressed with. Lately I’ve been feeling like I haven’t had any good male artists in my phone that I’m supper obsessed with, like Ed Sheeran. But I’m hoping with this new year that changes and I already see it starting to, especially when I find good ones like Alec Benjamin. 

Noah Cyrus- I Got So High That I Saw Jesus

I feel like this will be a good year for Noah Cyrus. It’s high time for a debut album from her, or even another EP, but I just need something because her newest music has just been stellar. I was worried at first that her brand would be more in the rap or emo stuff, but her music has been more my kind of music, slower and softer tunes with lots of feels. This song definitely shows that side of her and I love it.

If you made it to the end, thanks for reading my thoughts! I know it was long and probably boring, but oh well. 

Until next time!

~Rose Reviews

[theres-no-paradise]

Sorry not Sorry

Okay, I admit I couldn't wait to post this and its not proof read and I tried my best with everything since I really really wanted to write this down in weeks!  I will rework this first chapter the upcoming days, but for now I’m happy with this.  Happy Thanksgiving! ♥ Chapter 1

Summary: A random number wakes you up early on a Saturday morning. But it doesn't stop there. The stranger keeps on sending messages, and you have no idea what is happening, when you start to develop feelings for the unknown person.

Pairings: Tom Holland  x Reader [submit your name: How it works]

Y/N your Name

Y/F  your friends name

Word Count:  1978

Chapter 2

Warnings: There will be swearing for sure, lots of sarcasm

A/N: My second series that will definitely be finished first before the other. I hope you’ll enjoy and let me know what you think (: Also a big thank you to @hollandorks for talking with me about the ideas and motivating me! ♥  Once I’m off today, I’ll keep writing so that the other chapters will come out as soon as possible ♥  (English isnt my first language so I’m sorry if you find major mistakes. Let me know if I need to correct something asap! :)

P.S. I was inspired by Texting - a JB Fanfiction on Wattpad I read ages ago. If there are any resemblances, I’m sorry. I tried to write as much in my own words as possible :)

Having a good sleep isn't always easy. You could think, once you're in bed and drifting off to sleep, you will wake up in the morning, well rested and happy. And on weekends, usually this happens. We go to bed on Friday nights, fall asleep and dream on and then we wake up Saturday. Sometimes in the early morning and other days late in the afternoon. It always depends on how exhausted we go to bed and how well rested we are after a few hours.

This Saturday morning didn't start well for you. A loud beeping sound awoke you, and made you turn in your bed, grabbing your phone from the bedside table. “Why haven't I turned off my phone tonight”, you muttered into your pillow, reaching out for the device, that was lighting up your bedroom.

Checking the time, your vision still a little blurry from the bright light of your phone, it showed 5:33am. Groaning, you turned around in your bed after setting your phone back to silent and made yourself comfortable.

Laying there and trying to fall back asleep, your realized, that it wouldn't do any more. Lying awake on a Saturday morning was the least thing you expected on your first day off this week. You had planned to sleep in and relax but the first option didn't work any more, so after laying around for at least thirty more minutes, you got up and shuffled half – heartedly to the kitchen.

A yawn escaped your lips, as you put water into the kettle, and put it down to boil so you could enjoy your morning tea.

As the water started to simmer, you took out your favourite mug from the shelf, added some sugar and cut a lemon to put a slice into the mug as well.

You disliked milk in tea and didn't understand, how other people could ruin the tasty beverage with putting dairy in it. Once you finished to prepare your tea, the kettle turned off, signalling that the water was finally at a hundred degrees (celsius, duh) and ready to be poured into the mug. The little teabag was dancing around in the water, as you filled up the cup. You put back the kettle and grabbed the hot mugs handle, trying not to burn yourself and slurred over to your dark brown sofa. Grabbing the remote, you turned on the TV and decided to watch some of your favourite TV show, hoping to fall asleep again for a few more hours.

It was late afternoon, and the warm May sun shone down on your face as you headed out into town, getting some groceries for the upcoming week. Saturdays were always your favourite days to stroll through town, get stuff and meet with your best friend for coffee and cake. As you sat down in Costas, putting your bags on the ground, a familiar voice sounded in your ears and you turned smiling to the direction, your friend came from. “I’m sorry for being late. Train was delayed once again”, Y/F smiled, undressing her jacket and hanging it over the chair opposite you. “No worries, I literally just came in a few minutes ago”, you said, making yourself more comfortable. “You look tired, did something happen?”, your friend asked, as she sat down on her chair, looking at your face. “Just woke up way too early this morning. Forgot to put my phone on silence and obviously some moron had to message me while I was asleep”, you explained, taking a sip of your cappuccino. “Who was it?”, Y/F questioned and copied your movements, drinking from her coffee. “I don't even know”, you said, pulling out your phone and showing your friend the screen. “Hmm, can't tell who this is. Don't recognize this number at all. But did the person find their friend?”,

You raised your eyebrows, questioning your friends words for a second. “How do I know? I didn't ask and don't intend to”, you said, putting your phone back into your pocket. “I’m just curious”, Y/F said shrugging. You shook your head and laughed but you didn't miss the face your friend was making. It seemed, that she really wanted to know who this person was. “You really want me to ask?” Y/F nodded, as her whole face lit up, making you giggle. “Okay. But only because of you. But you do realize that curiousity killed the cat, right?”, you said, as you typed in the words into your phone.

You: Found him? 

Of course, you didn't get an answer straight away. The stranger was probably wondering, why you even cared if they found their friend or not. Y/F seemed to be really interested in the outcome of this question but you couldn't care less. You have never seen this number before in your life and the only question stirring around in your head was: Where did this person get my number from. They either mixed up numbers, or got the wrong one from their friend. You didn't even expect to get an answer back but it was already dark outside, when your phone signalled you an incoming message.

+44 98 7654 3210: Yeah I did. Sorry for bothering you

That was it. Not more nor less. You messaged your friend, telling her that the stranger found their friend. She told you, how glad she was and asked, if you guys texted more but you declined. You didn't feel like texting the stranger again so you just left the conversation on your phone closed. After this weird incident, you turned back to your daily routine. Made yourself some Pasta for dinner, sat down in front of the TV and watched some Netflix, before getting ready for bed. One more day off until work started back on Monday.

The next couple of days were the same as always. You got into work on Monday morning, talking to your colleagues, working on some orders from customers and enjoying yourself over all. Of course, you weren't always the happiest person and there were bad times in your past that you didn't like to talk about. But you learned to accept it and at some point in your life, you decided that you didn't want it to define yourself. It was, like you were living a new life and you chose to do so all by yourself. Y/F was always by your side since you could think. She supported you through good and bad times and you were there for her as well. The relationship with your parents was okay now but back in the times when you still lived with them, you couldn't stand to spent time with them. You felt as if everything changed into something better, since you moved out from home and got your job. You were living your life the way you wanted it to, and that was enough to keep you happy, day by day. But still, sometimes it felt like it wasnt easy to be friends with you. You knew some people and these got along with you pretty well. But other times, you felt left out when they decided to do something and didnt ask you. Y/F told you one day, it was because most of the time you would back out anyway. And it was true: When it came to clubbing and getting wasted week by week, you declined to join them. When you were younger, you’d go out and drink so much, that the next day you’d have the worst hangover ever. Now you were down for a few drinks in a pub from time to time and maybe once a month you decided to join your friends for a clubbing night, but most of the time, you’d just sit at home, watch Netflix or read a good book.

As you were on your way back home, your phone ringed once, signalling a new text message. You pulled out the device out of your jacket and opened the app, where the new message was displayed.

+44 98 7654 3210: Who’s this?

You blinked twice and stared at the message for a couple of minutes, before your fingers moved to type in a reply.

You: …?  Obviously the number you messaged a  couple of days before

Confused, you saw a little ...typing notification pop up on the top and you waited for the reply, that was about to come through.  

+44 98 7654 3210: I know that lol But I got curious

You shook your head and walked up the stairs that led to the train station. Driving home took always a little, but you didn't mind. You liked London and its suburbs and enjoyed being out, observing the neighbourhoods and people, that got into the waggon.

You: Why? 

Was the only thing, you typed into the app. You were confused and wondered, why the stranger person would keep on texting you. They didn't know you and you obviously had no idea either, who was on the other side of the line.

+44 98 7654 3210: I don't know. But I guess you’re not going to tell me?

You frowned a little, when you read the message. Not in hell were you going to tell who you were. This stranger could be a scammer, stalker or even a serial killer. They could do anything with your information and you were not going to cooperate.

Or maybe you were freaking out just a little too much? Maybe this was a guy or girl, that really just messaged the wrong number and were genuinely interested in the person that asked if they found their friend. But that would be too easy, right?

Your train arrived and you got in, once the doors opened. As you sat down on a free seat, you typed a new message.

You: I don't even know you, so why should I spill information about me? Maybe if you introduce yourself  You even got my number. How?

+44 98 7654 3210: Must've mixed up the digits. Don't really remember now

You: You must've been wasted then lol 

+44 98 7654 3210: Yeah …

Okay, so now you knew that they messed up the numbers and that’s how they messaged you. But you still didn't feel comfortable messaging them.

You: Anyway… that means you can stop texting now

+44 98 7654 3210: Why? We’re only texting. It's not like Im trying to do something to you

You: So you wanna keep texting with a person you don't even know? 

+44 98 7654 3210: Yeah sounds fun to me!

You: Eh … rather creepy if you ask me 

+44 98 7654 3210: :(

That’s when you stopped. You didn't know what to answer to a sad emoji so you decided to leave it blank and left the App.

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: Midseason Thoughts

Happy New Year! The Buffalo Sabres game against the Florida Panthers tomorrow will be their 41st game. By my calculation that’s the halfway point of the season and I think my math skills are at least good enough for basic division. This landmark of the season had me thinking we ought to take a look at the season as whole here when we’re about halfway certain what it’s going to end up looking like. Yea, perhaps we can be a little more than halfway certain with our predictions at this point but just let me show off my basic math skills, ok? I initially started thinking about the grand scheme of things about this season back after the Sabres met the Leafs the first time at the start of December. True rivalry games like that always get me thinking. There is a lot more to digest about this season based on the first half than my most optimistic self would’ve thought in September. I remember predicting the Sabres would have a winning record in October like I was going out on a limb. The expectations clearly changed this season, early on two: like the first twenty odd something games it became clear the corner had finally been turned. There’s a lot to that and I will dive into some of the minutia of that in later thoughts but perhaps it’s wiser first to reflect. Before I started New Look Sabres I wrote hockey articles on and off for different outlets and even freelance like this. I have no writing degrees so my thoughts were encapsulated in slick declarative titles: 2013-2014 was the Dawn of the Tank, 2014-2015 was the War of the Tanks, 2015-2016 was the New Guard Rising, 2016-2017 was the lost season and 2017-2018 was… *shutters* … the trash season. Jack Eichel’s rookie year had its optimism as you can see but the seasons to follow showed the things wrong with the team needed fixing. Certainly not all those problems are fixed but what might this season be called? I feel that the first half of this season has already given us a pretty solid idea…

…2018-2019 is the Reclamation. The season the Sabres reclaimed not only relevance but the mantle of the minimum level of quality Sabres teams have had over the last forty nine years. Moreover, the Buffalo Sabres as a club reclaimed their fans: not just the diehards who look at draft rankings in January, the casual fans and the ones who just don’t want to be miserable watching hockey. The runner up name was the Found Money Season. That’s where my first thought starts. This team has turned a corner; they’re a playoff contender now. At least they acted like it in the first half. Expectations should remain there. Make the playoffs, please oh please make the playoffs; divisional or a more likely wildcard, just make it. Anything that happens beyond that is a gift; found money if you will. If the Sabres win a game there: excellent if they win a round, fantastic! If they get swept, okay whatever. I want to say this now not just to get ahead of crazy March and April sound bites but to remind us all not to sell the farm. The playoff race, the playoffs themselves and everything that comes before is a learning experience more than anything else. I would say some young guys on this team don’t know what the Stanley Cup playoffs are like but really it’s true with every member of the Sabres core including Jeff Skinner. Pominville is really your only guy who’s not a former Blue who can tell you about that. Bank points through the second half, make the playoffs and from there on out its whatever this season. No expectation past game 82 except learn. Learn what it means to be in the playoffs and play like it. The second half will be decisive if not for playoff positioning than simple team building. Not the roster building GMs do, no: Build Buffalo Sabres hockey. Learn it, and then teach us what it’s like. Playoffs are just proof of competitiveness, that’s all the Sabres need to prioritize right now on that front: growth in competitiveness.

They’ve found some kind of groove already this season but in the second half the Sabres need to lock down their style, their game, their groove and put it to the test in the playoffs against whoever they face. It seems cruel to use this phrase sometimes as a Sabres fan knowing what we’ve been through but we’re still in a building year. I am not going to be offended if Jason Botterill goes out and acquires a small piece or two but it better not be expensive and it better not be a rental. Reward these guys with a weapon that will be here a little while. Rental players you get for a playoff run or a season and a half rarely make the huge difference you want them to make. Reinforce the defense or shore up secondary scoring if you make a move. That’s how you’ll reward a Sabres team that turned it around this season. The Playoff window is just opening, the Stanley Cup window has not opened yet. Don’t buy a lot by selling futures when our focus is experience and growth as a team. So yes, reward them for what they’ve done with a cheaper move but don’t make the move that will be seen as demanding a deep run at the Cup. That rewarding the group is important in its own way. Maybe, although cheap wouldn’t be the word I use to describe it, that reward is signing Jeff Skinner since he wants to stay? Hmm.

My second thought I already touched on a little bit: it’s consistency. This Buffalo Sabres team is remarkably streaky and that’s fine when there’s enough wins in there to make it work but that’s not a habit of Stanley Cup teams. Consistently winning, or being damn close to it, requires not just one line action like we saw almost exclusively in December, but secondary scoring and a defensive core that contributes as well. Some of that you develop and call up in house but maybe, once again at a good price, you bring in a piece for the parts here that are not producing at all. My third point is a discussion of goaltending. The Carter Hutton-Linus Ullmark tandem has been top ten in this league in goals against and save percentage. Given where each of those guys is in their careers you expect a drop off at some point. That drop off has not come yet and any strategizing for it seems a little moot right now. That said, it would be good if Ullmark good get more starts in the second half. An 8-1-3 record in his 13 starts is safe enough a bet to trust him. Trust in him will build confidence and if he is the goalie of the future in Buffalo, which I truly believe he is, he needs that. Yea, he got pulled before the third in that one game, he’ll have his mistakes like any goalie does but I could not feel happier about the Sabres situation in net right now.

My fourth point: SIGN JEFF SKINNER! LOL, no that’s important but it’s not actually a midseason thought. No, I want to talk more generally about the season now; where we’ve been and where we’re going. The beginning of the season can really be thought of us as before and after Jeff Skinner got put on Eichel’s wing. After that 5-1 rout on the road against San Jose Phil Housley took a blender to the lineup and got some good results. Four wins came in the next eight games and then the next major phase of the Sabres season happened when everyone kicked into over gear and the ten game win streak hit. For three weeks the Sabres felt invincible beating teams like Tampa, Winnipeg and San Jose pulling in every Western New York Hockey fan that had since gotten tired of Sabres sorrows. The five game skid that followed the win streak wasn’t as bad as it felt and the wins came back although Buffalo is still in a post-win streak hangover from a standings perspective barely playing .500 hockey since the big one. From here on out the road map to the playoffs is simpler than seven years outside the playoffs might lead you to believe, at least until the end of January. It’s banking points, particularly in Western Canada before the bye week late in January, before suiting up for a stretch run in February and March that only sees two breaks of more than two days. The back half will be a crucible after the bye week and there will be teams, even ones not names Boston, Montreal or the Islanders, who will give you fits and make you work for that playoff berth we’ve all been dying for.

This blog is going to change a little bit in the second half of the season as well. Hopefully it won’t be a crucible to get through but I am making myself think harder for my comedic bits starting now. Instead of the burn book for all our reasons to hate divisional rivals in those games, each game against an Eastern Conference opponent will feature a bit on what facing them in the first round of the playoffs would mean. This will be understandably silly against some opponents like Ottawa and New Jersey but it should be fun. Some programming notes: seasons for this blog will revolve around the post season. The blog season ends when the Sabres are eliminated from contention for Lord Stanley’s Cup whether that be March *shutters* or early May. The blog season will formally end with a 2018-2019 Season retrospective followed by a break before the draft that may or may not see some kind of “Playoffs according to the Sabres” and or another Schedule breakdown depending on when that releases. If you care enough about the blog to read through that then thank you, I wish you had cared enough to drop me a comment or two going into this but I’m not bitter: it’s a super chill hockey blog, I don’t expect my writing here to attract deep thought. That said, deep thoughts appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. I want to signal boost the opinion that if the Sabres do not make the playoffs in 2019 then Phil Housley’s job should be at stake. A collapse great enough to ruin the 11 point lead on a playoff spot they had in November is already well in progress. Lots of hockey left but there’s the objective.

[newhologram]

If I've learned anything about having a lifelong illness, it's never stop looking and pushing for solutions if you know in your heart you could be functioning better. Of course we'll never be cured but I think a lot of doctors see a diagnosis and go, oh okay you have that. That's just how you function now. And of course we're taught to trust and have faith in our doctors so we just go along with what they say. It's tough.

Exactly, never stop pushing. Even if a procedure like this can’t 100% cure some of the stuff I have that’s hereditary or that I was born with, if it gives me like a 40% functioning boost because now my body is better able to HANDLE those illnesses, then that’s absolutely huge and I can catch up. I just feel so behind, I didn’t get to have so many “normal” life experiences because of illness, and I know better than to compare myself to others but I still just feel it, man. I just turned 27. I’m old now??? I feel so old, oh God, I know in reality I’m still a spring chicken but Jesus, Joseph, I feel like a cruster on this site, hahahaha

Like, I was always sick and uncomfortable as a kid, as a teen, and then as a young adult it just got so bad that my body buckled under it all, and dragged my brain down with it. I feel like I’ve just been so developmentally delayed because I grew up ill and maybe that’s why I have such a hard time feeling like an adult or relating to people. I feel like a Martian and it upsets me a lot. I feel like I didn’t have a 20′s. But I know that’s not true, I had one, but it was different. My hologram is different and that’s okay.

And there are probably millions just like me who feel this way. It’s incredibly lonely being sick, a lot of people stop bothering with you, working is hard, dating is haha no, and being strong enough to hold yourself up through this is something to be so proud of. We wear invisible badges. Don’t be afraid of speaking out.

It’s like a cat ran by and unplugged a bunch of vital things on a robot and no one thought to check back there and instead just kept patching up little spots uselessly while he broke down over the years because they still expected him to function like his peers and called him a whiner, a hypochondriac who just wants attention, lazy, “ugh, but you’re always sick!”, and then they’d called the tech guy and he’s just like *opens robot* “hmm well I see some things are not working but I don’t see WHY, so, what do you want me to do?” and he also never checks to see if something got unplugged. 

This lady plugged my spine back in correctly, basically, because she knew how to look “back there”.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It’s like, it’s so simple

The first vertebrae that touches your head, when misaligned, compromises the flow between your brain and your body, and over time you get sick. Whether you fell and broke a bone, got into a car or skiiing accident, got hurt on an intense rollercoaster, got punched too hard... I mean, these horrible symptoms and intense illnesses sometimes take 10-15 years to actually fully turn your body into a failing mecha suit while you burn up inside alone. 

No doctor ever told me about it, ever. I never knew about this and neither did my dad and neither did so many people. If it was more common knowledge to check the health of the cervical spine because it can cause and exacerbate so many illnesses, then it would be checked more after accidents and injuries.

And even though they kINDA looked because I had to harass doctors into doing it (literally what the fuck!!!! over periods of MONTHS! “please check my spine, please do an x-ray or something, please get me to see a chiropractor, please help me, please” UGH), they didn’t see it because I guess this really stupid simple obvious solution is just not a thing, according to our healthcare system. It doesn’t occur to them to check for the very mobile and important literal first piece of your spine!!! For misalignment.They think chiropractors, especially ones who specialize in the atlas, are witch doctors. That’s what it boils down to. And if I could’ve just gone to one of those, had insurance cover it, and continued with my life, then I wouldn’t be in constantly needing help. 

They turn spoonies into cash cows because they can. But, it’s the ones without a lot of money who are suffering horribly because like. Listen, I had to accept that the paychecks I always work so hard for end up just going to constant appointments to try to lower my pain levels because high pain levels equals... well, you guys know the drill by now.

My dad is so excited and telling absolutely everyone just about how different I look visually now that my spine has been fixed. I’m taller, the world looks higher up, my face even looks a little different somehow. I should try to take some proper pics for before and after. I’ll definitely try to get better pics of the x-rays at least after my next appointment so I can show just how drastic this change is. And I didn’t even need surgery or anything scary. She saw me, talked to me in DEPTH about literally everything, took x-rays, took time to educate me on everything about how this specific thing, atlas subluxation, makes people very very sick over a long period of time and ends up wrecking their body. 

For a while I thought I had to accept that by my 40′s my condition would be unmanageable. I had to just accept whatever time I could and do my best and work hard and even though I’m pretty open about my illnesses, I still have this complex like I have to be really strong and perfect all the time. But I fall apart hard like everyone else. My body was trying so hard for so long to work for me to take me where I need to go in life to be happy and to achieve my dreams, but it couldn’t keep up anymore right as I transitioned into adulthood. 

I’m sorry, body. :( I just feel so sad for it, like. I FEEL IT obviously it’s how I feel the world. But it just tried so hard. If you’ve been following me more than a month you know already just wrecked I always am from such little activity. 

I mean, imagine if you knew you were gonna work 5 hours you had to take it super easy and rest and medicate all day long beforehand. And the 5 hours is agonizing, it’s glass in your feet, it’s acid down your spine, it’s mood swings you do your best to keep zipped away WHILE providing emotional and physical labor for customers and being watched like a hawk by bosses. 

I did all that for so long even though my body was fuckin’ just

ALL THE TIME

I’m so sorry, bad me, mean to body. But I had shit to do, like. I didn’t know! I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t know.

I felt strongly that this year was gonna be different for me but I didn’t know in what way, I was just ready to work through tears for another year and repeat the cycle and try not to give in to the despair of hurting so badly literally 24/7 

I gotta take it easy, I can’t push myself too much. That many years of illness, Idunno how under-used my organs are. *sweats* I just gotta let it take its time.

But yeah, it’s gonna be a good time. 

GET YOUR FUCKING ATLAS CHECKED

Love,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Spoonie, Newaka Lord Bitch Skeletonaka SPINE MOM SUPREMEaka Lamb: Resurrection 

P.S.

Beloved spine witchdoctor says I am not allowed on coasters anymore...... sob. I was really post-procedure high when she was telling me this but I’ll ask again if like. Disneyland ones at least are gentle enough. Wahhh, I love coasters so much. I asked if I could do archery and she said NO LOL not for a long time, and she was so funny when I asked if I could do martial arts bc I want to sooo bad.

Also my dad and I were talking and he was just like, ���you’ve always had bad posture. I’ve never seen you standing up like this.”

Dumbass doctors omffff g bless

[fayecallasdatingblog]

Lust vs. Love: 7 Proven Signs What You Feel Is Just Lust And Not Love

Lust vs. love: the eternal battle.

For eons, homo sapiens have existed on Earth.

And for eons, homo sapiens have mistaken lust for love.

Cavelady Clara thought she loved Caveman Carl. After all, he brought dinosaur meat home and gave her some beautiful unibrow Cavebabies. But after a few years, she realized those were the best things about him.

While we might feel so evolved compared to Clara and Carl, the fact is: women are still getting it wrong when it comes to lust vs. love. And throw in online dating…and the water just gets murkier.

When your hormones and emotions are raging, it can be difficult to know who’s really controlling the ship, so I created this video and article to help you figure out the difference between physical attraction and love.

Your Coach,

      P.S. If you keep finding yourself in lust vs. love situations, you might need a little guidance finding the one. For a limited time, I’m offering my Find the One training to help you get the right man to pursue you. Sign up while you still can!

Introduction: Understand The Differences Between Lust vs. Love

If you’ve never been in love, how can you be sure it’s not just lust?

Just like love, lust feels pretty fantastic. It lights you up inside. Gives you a reason to get up in the morning. And yet…lust and love are quite different.

Let’s look at characteristics of lust vs. love so that you can learn to separate them.

Lust tends to be present in the early stages of a relationship and is fueled by physical attraction and/or sex. You may have nothing in common with a man, but you have an inexplicable attraction to him. The sex might be fireworks…but general conversation isn’t all that exciting.

When you’re in lust, it’s like your brain is on drugs. MRIs have shown that the same part of the brain that lights up when an addict takes a hit of cocaine as when someone is in lust. You can’t get enough of this guy…but truth be told, you haven’t really gotten to know him on a deeper level. It’s been superficial so far, and that’s okay with you.

Because when things get real, you either end up in love or you realize you have no deep attraction to this person. Maybe you see what he’s like angry or depressed and it sends you running for the hills.

On the other hand…if it’s love, you’re willing to accept a man with all his flaws. While sex is important, it’s not the focus of your relationship. You enjoy spending time with him, but you also continue to do the activities you enjoy outside of your relationship.

There is balance.

So that’s a basic explanation of the differences between lust vs. love. Now the question is: is it a bad thing to be in lust?

Is Being in Lust a Bad Thing?

If you’re both into it, lust is perfectly natural.

Absolutely not. In fact, most healthy relationships begin with a large dose of lust. It’s where things go from there that matter. As long as you’re willing to open up to this guy and see if there’s something of more substance you can build on, lust can be part of a solid relationship.

And ideally, 50 years from now, you can still feel lust for this man, even though you’ve been in love for decades and experienced a ton — both good and bad — together.

The only time I can think that being in lust vs. love might be a negative thing is if you know that he’s falling for you and you know you will never feel the same. Consider how you would feel if the role was reversed and he let you keep thinking that he felt the same when he didn’t.

So unfair.

So if you know that you’ll never fall for a guy, give him the respect of letting him know, even if it means things are over.

7 Differences Between Lust vs. Love

You know you dig this guy…but sometimes you like him more than others. Sometimes, frankly, you’d rather be home alone.

So what’s the deal? Are you in lust or in love? Here are 7 ways to figure it out.

1. The Relationship Revolves Around Sex

via GIPHY

Man. Things are freaking amazing in the bedroom with this guy. It is quite possibly the best sex of your life. That fact alone is enough to make you hope that you’re in love rather than in lust but…

You know his favorite sexual position…but you have no idea if he likes dogs.

You know the nickname he likes you to call him in bed…but not his last name.

He’s been up close and personal with every inch of you…but hasn’t met your friends.

Now, on the one hand, it may just be too early in your relationship to expect to know each other better. And sex is definitely one way new couples get to know each other. But realize that sex is tricky. It can force an emotional connection when there isn’t one, thanks to that cocktail of hormones and pheromones. You can avoid this confusion by simply waiting a while to have sex.

If you resist the very large temptation and then realize that the guy is a complete jerk, you’ll be glad you never slept with him.

If you’ve already been sleeping with him, ask yourself whether you truly enjoy spending time together outside of the bedroom…or if that’s the one place you always enjoy him. If it is, you’re definitely in lust vs. love.

2. Your Physical Attraction to Him Minimizes All His Flaws

You stay awake at night fantasizing about his biceps.

“Ooh, I love those tattoos he has on his arms. And the way he picks me up. Not the way his breath stinks, though. Focus on the arms!”

When you’re in lust vs. love, it’s easy to get carried away by your physical attraction to a man and ignore all the things that are wrong about him.

He’s got a chiseled chin and he smells fantastic…but he legitimately thought that Austria was its own continent.

He makes you scream in bed…but he laughs like a hyena.

You may be building a fantasy world around this guy, in part, because you know you have to create fiction to make up for his very real flaws. You’re willing to overlook what would ordinarily be rather large warning signs because you want him on a very basic and physical level.

Now, this isn’t the same as being in love. Yes, when you’re in love, you accept a man’s shortcomings. But you don’t completely ignore them. You’re aware of them and love him anyway, whereas, with lust, you simply bury them so you can focus on the physical connection.

That might work temporarily, but eventually, the fairytale will burn off and you’ll be left with a man who talks with his mouth full. Ug.

3. You Skipped the Friendship Stage

I always encourage my coaching clients to be friends with someone first, even if they’re dating. What do I mean by that? Just spend time getting to know one another and doing activities you enjoy, like you would with a friend.

But if you went straight from sleeping together a lot to meeting his parents, you didn’t really have that friendship stage. Something happened that sped up this relationship from being a casual one to being a serious one…and yet something feels missing.

You can’t force a relationship. I know you might want this guy that you lust after so much to be The One, but if you’re researching lust vs. love, I’m going to have to call it: he’s not The One.

4. You Don’t Really Want to Open Up to Him

Outside of the bedroom, you don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable.

You’re willing to show him the most private areas of your body, to be incredibly intimate physically with this guy, but you are absolutely not willing to tell him anything that makes you feel vulnerable.

Red flag!

As a relationship develops, you should both be opening up gradually to one another as you get to know each other’s personalities and issues. That means you need to feel comfortable talking to him about your fear of commitment, your traumatic relationship history, or even your discomfort in talking about all of this!

I’m not saying you need to open up after two dates, but you should at least want to let him see who you are inside, and not just in the bedroom. This is a classic example of you being in lust vs. love.

5. You Don’t Really Know Him

So you’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks or months and you meet some of his friends for dinner.

“So I’m sure he’s told you about Veronica,” says one friend, “Man, she really changed his life.”

Wait…what? Who’s Veronica? Why don’t you know about someone so important to your boyfriend? Is she a sister? An ex? A dog?

One of the signs of lust is that, even if you’ve spent a decent amount of time together, you still know virtually nothing about him. You talk about easy things, like sports and the weather, but you never dive into the level of, oh, say, Veronica.

If this bothers you, then talk about it. Open up more and ask him more questions about his life and his past. If you don’t really care, acknowledge that you’re in lust.

6. You Don’t Feel Committed to Him

You’re at a time in life when you want to find love and have put a ton of energy into looking for it…but you don’t want to spend longer than an hour with this guy, let alone a lifetime with him.

And yet…you stay.

My dear, you’re in what I call a Good Enough relationship. There are some things you like about this guy (mainly his body and performance), and you figure there’s not enough negative to want to leave. And yet, you find yourself making excuses so you don’t have to hang out with him…or only see him when you know you’ll end up in bed together.

If you’re both acting casual about it, it’s fine. But if he seems to want more from you than you do him, cut him free.

Also, be honest with yourself. If you’re looking for love, aren’t you wasting time with him? You’re not single and so aren’t truly open to finding The One. It’s better to be on your own so that you can focus on attracting love, not lust.

7. You Have a Hard Time Making Plans For the Future

You want to invite this guy to that wedding you were invited to in six months because you’ve been sleeping together the past six months, but you legitimately don’t know if he’d go…or if he’ll still be around…or if you’ll even want him to be.

When you’re headed toward love, you can see making plans because you see a future together. When you’re in lust — with no possibility of love — it’s hard to see beyond today.

If you’re trying to figure out if you’re in lust vs. love, ask yourself: “can I confidently make plans with him six months out? What about three? One month?”

If the answer is no, it’s bound to be lust.

Conclusion:

Be honest about whether lust is enough for you right now.

Knowing whether what you feel is lust or love is incredibly helpful because you can know where to go from here. If you’re genuinely okay with having a casual relationship right now, keep doing what you’re doing. I get that, even if you are looking for forever with a guy, sometimes you want to keep things light. If you truly enjoy his company but can’t see a long-term future with him, just live in the moment.

On the other hand, if you thought you were in love and now realized that it’s just lust, back up a little and reassess what you want and need right now. Is this relationship preventing you from finding true love? You bet. Realign your actions with your goals and get back on track.

In part 2 of this article, I give you the 3 words he says that tell you he’s only in lust with you. Trust me: you’re going to want to read this. But it’s only available to Sexy Confidence members. Ready to join and start reaping all the benefits of this exclusive community? Subscribe now.

  The post Lust vs. Love: 7 Proven Signs What You Feel Is Just Lust And Not Love appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

from Meet Positives SM Feed https://ift.tt/2NBxnY0 via IFTTT

[travisandersondatingblog]

Lust vs. Love: 7 Proven Signs What You Feel Is Just Lust And Not Love

Lust vs. love: the eternal battle.

For eons, homo sapiens have existed on Earth.

And for eons, homo sapiens have mistaken lust for love.

Cavelady Clara thought she loved Caveman Carl. After all, he brought dinosaur meat home and gave her some beautiful unibrow Cavebabies. But after a few years, she realized those were the best things about him.

While we might feel so evolved compared to Clara and Carl, the fact is: women are still getting it wrong when it comes to lust vs. love. And throw in online dating…and the water just gets murkier.

When your hormones and emotions are raging, it can be difficult to know who’s really controlling the ship, so I created this video and article to help you figure out the difference between physical attraction and love.

Your Coach,

      P.S. If you keep finding yourself in lust vs. love situations, you might need a little guidance finding the one. For a limited time, I’m offering my Find the One training to help you get the right man to pursue you. Sign up while you still can!

Introduction: Understand The Differences Between Lust vs. Love

If you’ve never been in love, how can you be sure it’s not just lust?

Just like love, lust feels pretty fantastic. It lights you up inside. Gives you a reason to get up in the morning. And yet…lust and love are quite different.

Let’s look at characteristics of lust vs. love so that you can learn to separate them.

Lust tends to be present in the early stages of a relationship and is fueled by physical attraction and/or sex. You may have nothing in common with a man, but you have an inexplicable attraction to him. The sex might be fireworks…but general conversation isn’t all that exciting.

When you’re in lust, it’s like your brain is on drugs. MRIs have shown that the same part of the brain that lights up when an addict takes a hit of cocaine as when someone is in lust. You can’t get enough of this guy…but truth be told, you haven’t really gotten to know him on a deeper level. It’s been superficial so far, and that’s okay with you.

Because when things get real, you either end up in love or you realize you have no deep attraction to this person. Maybe you see what he’s like angry or depressed and it sends you running for the hills.

On the other hand…if it’s love, you’re willing to accept a man with all his flaws. While sex is important, it’s not the focus of your relationship. You enjoy spending time with him, but you also continue to do the activities you enjoy outside of your relationship.

There is balance.

So that’s a basic explanation of the differences between lust vs. love. Now the question is: is it a bad thing to be in lust?

Is Being in Lust a Bad Thing?

If you’re both into it, lust is perfectly natural.

Absolutely not. In fact, most healthy relationships begin with a large dose of lust. It’s where things go from there that matter. As long as you’re willing to open up to this guy and see if there’s something of more substance you can build on, lust can be part of a solid relationship.

And ideally, 50 years from now, you can still feel lust for this man, even though you’ve been in love for decades and experienced a ton — both good and bad — together.

The only time I can think that being in lust vs. love might be a negative thing is if you know that he’s falling for you and you know you will never feel the same. Consider how you would feel if the role was reversed and he let you keep thinking that he felt the same when he didn’t.

So unfair.

So if you know that you’ll never fall for a guy, give him the respect of letting him know, even if it means things are over.

7 Differences Between Lust vs. Love

You know you dig this guy…but sometimes you like him more than others. Sometimes, frankly, you’d rather be home alone.

So what’s the deal? Are you in lust or in love? Here are 7 ways to figure it out.

1. The Relationship Revolves Around Sex

via GIPHY

Man. Things are freaking amazing in the bedroom with this guy. It is quite possibly the best sex of your life. That fact alone is enough to make you hope that you’re in love rather than in lust but…

You know his favorite sexual position…but you have no idea if he likes dogs.

You know the nickname he likes you to call him in bed…but not his last name.

He’s been up close and personal with every inch of you…but hasn’t met your friends.

Now, on the one hand, it may just be too early in your relationship to expect to know each other better. And sex is definitely one way new couples get to know each other. But realize that sex is tricky. It can force an emotional connection when there isn’t one, thanks to that cocktail of hormones and pheromones. You can avoid this confusion by simply waiting a while to have sex.

If you resist the very large temptation and then realize that the guy is a complete jerk, you’ll be glad you never slept with him.

If you’ve already been sleeping with him, ask yourself whether you truly enjoy spending time together outside of the bedroom…or if that’s the one place you always enjoy him. If it is, you’re definitely in lust vs. love.

2. Your Physical Attraction to Him Minimizes All His Flaws

You stay awake at night fantasizing about his biceps.

“Ooh, I love those tattoos he has on his arms. And the way he picks me up. Not the way his breath stinks, though. Focus on the arms!”

When you’re in lust vs. love, it’s easy to get carried away by your physical attraction to a man and ignore all the things that are wrong about him.

He’s got a chiseled chin and he smells fantastic…but he legitimately thought that Austria was its own continent.

He makes you scream in bed…but he laughs like a hyena.

You may be building a fantasy world around this guy, in part, because you know you have to create fiction to make up for his very real flaws. You’re willing to overlook what would ordinarily be rather large warning signs because you want him on a very basic and physical level.

Now, this isn’t the same as being in love. Yes, when you’re in love, you accept a man’s shortcomings. But you don’t completely ignore them. You’re aware of them and love him anyway, whereas, with lust, you simply bury them so you can focus on the physical connection.

That might work temporarily, but eventually, the fairytale will burn off and you’ll be left with a man who talks with his mouth full. Ug.

3. You Skipped the Friendship Stage

I always encourage my coaching clients to be friends with someone first, even if they’re dating. What do I mean by that? Just spend time getting to know one another and doing activities you enjoy, like you would with a friend.

But if you went straight from sleeping together a lot to meeting his parents, you didn’t really have that friendship stage. Something happened that sped up this relationship from being a casual one to being a serious one…and yet something feels missing.

You can’t force a relationship. I know you might want this guy that you lust after so much to be The One, but if you’re researching lust vs. love, I’m going to have to call it: he’s not The One.

4. You Don’t Really Want to Open Up to Him

Outside of the bedroom, you don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable.

You’re willing to show him the most private areas of your body, to be incredibly intimate physically with this guy, but you are absolutely not willing to tell him anything that makes you feel vulnerable.

Red flag!

As a relationship develops, you should both be opening up gradually to one another as you get to know each other’s personalities and issues. That means you need to feel comfortable talking to him about your fear of commitment, your traumatic relationship history, or even your discomfort in talking about all of this!

I’m not saying you need to open up after two dates, but you should at least want to let him see who you are inside, and not just in the bedroom. This is a classic example of you being in lust vs. love.

5. You Don’t Really Know Him

So you’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks or months and you meet some of his friends for dinner.

“So I’m sure he’s told you about Veronica,” says one friend, “Man, she really changed his life.”

Wait…what? Who’s Veronica? Why don’t you know about someone so important to your boyfriend? Is she a sister? An ex? A dog?

One of the signs of lust is that, even if you’ve spent a decent amount of time together, you still know virtually nothing about him. You talk about easy things, like sports and the weather, but you never dive into the level of, oh, say, Veronica.

If this bothers you, then talk about it. Open up more and ask him more questions about his life and his past. If you don’t really care, acknowledge that you’re in lust.

6. You Don’t Feel Committed to Him

You’re at a time in life when you want to find love and have put a ton of energy into looking for it…but you don’t want to spend longer than an hour with this guy, let alone a lifetime with him.

And yet…you stay.

My dear, you’re in what I call a Good Enough relationship. There are some things you like about this guy (mainly his body and performance), and you figure there’s not enough negative to want to leave. And yet, you find yourself making excuses so you don’t have to hang out with him…or only see him when you know you’ll end up in bed together.

If you’re both acting casual about it, it’s fine. But if he seems to want more from you than you do him, cut him free.

Also, be honest with yourself. If you’re looking for love, aren’t you wasting time with him? You’re not single and so aren’t truly open to finding The One. It’s better to be on your own so that you can focus on attracting love, not lust.

7. You Have a Hard Time Making Plans For the Future

You want to invite this guy to that wedding you were invited to in six months because you’ve been sleeping together the past six months, but you legitimately don’t know if he’d go…or if he’ll still be around…or if you’ll even want him to be.

When you’re headed toward love, you can see making plans because you see a future together. When you’re in lust — with no possibility of love — it’s hard to see beyond today.

If you’re trying to figure out if you’re in lust vs. love, ask yourself: “can I confidently make plans with him six months out? What about three? One month?”

If the answer is no, it’s bound to be lust.

Conclusion:

Be honest about whether lust is enough for you right now.

Knowing whether what you feel is lust or love is incredibly helpful because you can know where to go from here. If you’re genuinely okay with having a casual relationship right now, keep doing what you’re doing. I get that, even if you are looking for forever with a guy, sometimes you want to keep things light. If you truly enjoy his company but can’t see a long-term future with him, just live in the moment.

On the other hand, if you thought you were in love and now realized that it’s just lust, back up a little and reassess what you want and need right now. Is this relationship preventing you from finding true love? You bet. Realign your actions with your goals and get back on track.

In part 2 of this article, I give you the 3 words he says that tell you he’s only in lust with you. Trust me: you’re going to want to read this. But it’s only available to Sexy Confidence members. Ready to join and start reaping all the benefits of this exclusive community? Subscribe now.

  The post Lust vs. Love: 7 Proven Signs What You Feel Is Just Lust And Not Love appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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Fan Fiction Quotes 2017:

"[Steve and Bucky] start a scholarship fund for Women in STEM students and name it after Peggy Carter"notes of ao3 ficyes!

"Maybe it was why he was failing so horribly now, he was too wrapped up in thinking to actually focus on the too-soft task that was quite literally at hand."Xpersonally relatable, overthinking

"He tries not to, but Steve gets that cold, sick feeling that he always gets, whenever somebody talks about him being attractive. He knows how he looks, and he can’t spend two minutes online without being reminded that the world is a big fan of the strong body and jaw that the serum gave him. He just wishes it didn’t feel so much like it’s because being scrawny and sick was some kind of aberration that had been corrected. That he wasn’t worth a dime of love or affection until he was Captain America."ch1while this might be a more extreme case, what are you supposed to do with being called beautiful? It's nice to hear but also confusing, there's more to me. "“Dracula,” Nat says simply, and heads for the elevator. Romania, then. -- “I’ll bring garlic!” Steve calls after her, and she sends him a smile over her shoulder."ch2amusing and playful. Made me smile "Tony Stark is a good person to cry in front of. He’ll only ever mock your strengths, not your weaknesses."[ch3]interesting characterization of Tony

"Ma'am, this is Steve Rogers. Yes ma'am, that one. I appear to have an unconscious HYDRA operative on my front stoop. Yes ma'am. Tied up with his own jacket. There is a gun, ma'am, but its barrel is currently at a 90-degree angle. I guess I need ... the FBI? No ma'am, I have no earthly idea."[X: ch9]funny, :) "chewing on the totally amazing future invention that is grilled cheese with egg and ham on it (seriously: why do these people still have wars)"[X:ch10]I've never tried egg on a grilled cheese... "Hey. Note: it is useful knowledge for living to have a list of things that are good no matter what."[X:ch20]good note. "His anger is a sound between his ears like a train. It is a tight band around his chest. It is hands that ache to do violence."[X:ch23]seems like good wording

"He started sketching Bucky out dancing, spinning a dame around with a huge grin plastered on his mug. He penciled in a big ol’ bow on the back of her dress like she was the best present a guy could want. But the picture was still all about Bucky. The crinkles around his eyes, staring Steve down with a challenge for him to get out there and have a whirl. Steve could hear Bucky’s laugh now."[X]pretty picture "Steve was a furnace built of muscle and good intentions, held together with a Brooklyn drawl and a heap of sass. "[X]lol

"It's not that different from close quarters fighting, really," she told him. "Think of it like you're trying to block me from getting past you, but do it to the beat. Stay loose and ready to move in any direction."[X]found because I liked some of the authors other works and the Fandom. I don't have any experience with fighting and little with dancing but it would make sense from the grace of good fight scenes in movies and tv. "I need to be able to trust anyone I'd want to go to bed with, not necessarily be in love with them."[X]interesting idea...

"A son’s faith in his father is absolute when he is small; especially when that father is the only parent the boy has"[ch7]part of growing up is learning and accepting that your parents are wrong, and sometimes it takes someone special to tell you

"Badass by day, adorably snuggling our nightmares away by night."[X]stumbled along this because of another post and tumblr's check out other posts feature. . .

"The Hulk is part of you, but he's not all of you. We know that,"[X]a reread, i don't think I pulled this quote our last time. Reread because of another quote [quote art]

"Reviewing what he knew of both [Peggy and Nat], Bucky wondered for a moment if he should be afraid, but figured that they would both take a 'firm, but fair' attitude when they ruled the world."[ch2]believable "Sorry. Just.” Bucky let go, but made Steve meet his eyes. “Fuck, I'm sorry, I'm not nagging, honestly.” -- “He cares about you, Steve, and is telling you so,” Peggy said. “Accept it like the fucking adult you are.” -- “I have cartoon pajamas, I am not an adult,” Steve informed her. "[ch4]the bold could have been a quote on its own, but on a more serious note I wanted the rest of the conversation... "Do you have any idea what it's like to be married to the angriest saint in the world?"[ch 10]amusing... "He's good and giving and kind, and sometimes he doesn't feel well and is under the impression that it cancels out everything else."[ch10]I relate, it can be hard when you're frustrated and angry with yourself "“Have fun,” Peggy said, and physically shoved him away from Steve and out the door, because she was very helpful like that."[ch12]yeah, I've had a few moments like that... "“I don't not enjoy having you here,” Steve said, pushing up on one elbow. “Bucky, don't ever think that. It's more like...I can't feel anything. Like I go numb, and don't care. And that mixes with sadness, sometimes,” he admitted. “But mostly it's just...dull. And awful. But I still know that someone loves me and is here and cares.”"[ch16]ponder Same series "Bite your tongue. There are so many ways to love people, and you got to do them all today,” Bucky pointed out. “It's a perfect Valentine's Day. One love isn't better than the other, and it shouldn't be given priority.”"[X]interesting point, Valentine's day really doesn't have to be about couples/romantic relationships, but all types of important relationships! Same Series "there's a middle ground between throwing a fit and being completely determined to not bleed on anyone else,” "[ch1]But finding that middle ground can be difficult. I also feel Steve's response when Bucky said that Steve had a "shit day": "Plenty of people have had worse days,”

"“Bucky you’re having a panic attack and I need you to listen to me. I need you to breathe. Focus on me okay? Focus on me and try to breathe with me.”"[part5]handling a panic attack. Sometimes it can be hard to accept the help remembering to breathe, like I messed up and don't deserve it. "Felt the need to explain himself more, as though acting without talking through it first was dangerous"[part+1]kinda get this for different reasons?

"Anytime [Bucky] managed to scrape together enough money after all the bills, he dragged Steve to the latest exhibit, marveling over everything. Steve, tending to look at things through a more artistic gaze, gaped at the beauty of science and Bucky’s child-like enthusiasm."[X]I'm not sure which one I'm more like. "Getting his overactive mind to shut the fuck up is a work in progress."[X]yeah, I know the feeling "as if [Bucky]’s the sunshine to cut through Steve’s rain."[X]just really nice turn of phrase "“You’re thinking too hard.” A whisper. A life boat to which Steve shamelessly clings to."[X]isn't it nice to let yourself do that? "I love spending time with you. I don’t regret a single second of it. I don’t need my space. But a relationship is between equals, Steve. After everything that happened, I needed to find myself apart from you, like you have. We needed to get back on the same page"[X]maybe. Standing on your own doesn't necessarily mean space. I will need to work on that some day, reaching out and making my own place.

"But this means showing emotion or allowing himself to feel. It means overwhelming himself, easily. It means not being able to convey everything he’s feeling ending in frustration ending in doubt, leading to locking himself up in a room. He hates it."[X]comments

"The Winter Soldier," Stark repeats. "Freezer Burn, the Russian Mob. Ice Ice Baby. Sid Vicious, the White Russian, Psychosicle, MC Hammer and Sickle--"[X]I like the variety of nicknames, quite a few I haven't seen before.

"Wow," the man says, without introducing himself. "Guess they did freeze at the peak of freshness"[ch11]lol, very Tony like

"Yes, okay, so you’re Bucky Barnes and you’re President Barnes’ son and that holds a lot of weight. But you could have chosen not to go. You could have said that it wasn’t your problem and just stayed home. But you went, and you talked to those people and you inspired them and you showed them solidarity. That was all you, and that counts. No matter what you think, that counts."[ch4]choosing to try to make a difference, no matter how seemingly small , can be very important "I’m the only person who ever gives it to you straight. Which is ironic seeing you’re as straight as a paperclip!"[ch16]not straight jokes are kinda amusing. I'm not sure if that's problematic or not... P.S. once I finished the fic I realized how much I liked Aunt Helen!

"He's an adult, you can't trust him to do the job correctly."[ch12]this fic is also in my fic rec. These kids are hilarious! "Not really much to tell." He shrugged. "Best friend. Prat. Housemate. Sometimes co-parent, sometimes yet another child to look after. That sums everything up perfectly."[ch12]amusing

"Hlupak—Czech word for "idiot". I have arbitrarily decided that Czech and Sokovian share some vocabulary, including insults. It is also my headcanon that hlupak was something Wanda called Pietro a LOT."[ch1:end chapter notes]lol

"wondering whether the total inability to sleep is a side effect of the serum or a side effect of his life."[X]sounds like a conundrum ""I know my brother. He would never be happy without somewhere to run.""[X] "You'd be smarter to stay out of this," Steve warns. -- "I don't believe intelligence was mentioned in the orientation packet." -- "That's 'cause we're all idiots. I don't want you to lose your home, Wanda. "[X]yupI wish there was more.

"As much as you can,” he said, “stay in the eye."[X]odd little fic but not bad

"Right. Does that mean Iron Man's gonna come get you?" -- "Captain America—actually." Purple Shirt groans as he tries to sit up. "He—worries too much. "[X]that sounds likely :) "You carried an orphaned kitten around in your jacket for like a week. You want me to be scared of you? Try harder."[X]cute

"Faint gamma signature, uncomfortably familiar shade of mindfuck blue, localized weirdness... You know, I really hate portals. Have I mentioned how much I hate portals?"[X]the bold bit was particularly amusing, in the laugh in order to not be negative way "Scientist wrangler and pop-culture expert," Darcy interrupted cheerfully."[X]nice intro for Darcy! "Think about it. My lady love, your lady love, every terrifying woman they know, bonding...""[X]Peggy, Pepper, Nat, Jane, Darcy, Maria, Kate maybe others... "Sam was wearing his you're being stupid right now face"[X]most characterizations of him he does this enough it's a know thing "Frank Sinatra launched into a jazzy rendition of "I'll Be Seeing You," the opening number of Darcy's "Old People" playlist. "[X]of course Darcy has an "Old People" playlist. Followed by: Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy; You'd Be So Nice To Come Home To by Dinah Shore more from the comments: "The Trolley Song" (because Darcy is terrible), and ends with Vera Lynn singing "We'll Meet Again." "So they were there like gentlemen, waiting on the sidelines and holding Peggy's flower while she kicked that Bad Week's ass."[X]a quote from the comments; I like it for the facing hardships motto... "The archer plays Cupid!"[X]more from the comments

*brendaonao3.tumblr.com: Brenda’s Long-Ass Under-Appreciated Fanfics Appreciation/Rec Post Part 1*

"he hated making Bucky worry for no good reason, mostly because of how often he made Bucky worry with reason"[X]not really sure how I feel about it, characters seem good but I'm not sure I feel the chemistry?

"Iron Man pinned to the ground, held down by Alice and the White Rabbit while the Mad Hatter bashed at his helmet with a teacup"[X]very amusing and I should draw. Statues.(Also, later:"That's a big whale")

"Yeah, real handsome. All the dolls will be swooning.” Bucky winked, and it was easy as anything to reply, “There's only one doll whose swoon I want, sweetheart"[X]goofy and fun, I like it "younger man hunched in a similar manner over his book, sitting crosslegged on Steve's bed. Steve remembered glancing up from his sketch of something unimportant at the same time as Bucky looked up, and their eyes met, and they leaned across the bed toward each other. When they kissed, their bodies formed an arch over the bedspread, like the ceiling of a cathedral. Then they went back to what they'd been doing"[X]nice imagery

"Sometimes, even with all of the positive developments - or maybe partly because of them, who knows - it all gets to be a bit much for Steve, which makes him feel guilty, because it’s not like he’s the one who’s working through seven decades of manipulation and brutality"[X]relatable, the "why should I be the stressed one?"(note: talking heads song this fic, Bruce) "such as interrupting one of Tony’s endless attempts to impress him with Midgardian science by saying, “Truly a valiant effort, my friend” and patting Tony on the head), "[X]amusing, I bet Tony has an opinion on that, not sure what though [Steve]"Are you judging me right now?" [Sam]“Not at the moment, no. But I reserve the right to do so at a later date, depending on what your dumb ass comes up with next" [Steve]"Fair enough"[X]comments

"Anytime Bucky gets in the elevator alone, JARVIS talks to him the whole time."[X]awww

" would wrinkle his nose, not because of the smell as much as what the smell meant"[X]personal reasons: yeah I don't like the smell but I'd never thought about it before until I learned of the part it played between my parents...I like this fic center

"Because I don’t understand,” he admits at last. “You’re--good. Everything about you is good. If anyone can see the truth about me, it should be you. I want to understand what you see in me so that I can try to be good again too" It feels ridiculous, having said the words aloud. [X]same paragraph as the next quote "He has a fleeting half-thought about what it would be like to fling himself off the rooftop, but he knows he never actually will."[X]...not actually suicidal?

"Guilt or croutons, Steve, those are your choices. You'll just have to live with it."[X]I feel you Steve

"The Winter Soldier reads each and every label carefully, deciding between hydrocodone and acetaminophen and naproxen sodium."[X]*whine* the first one is more heavy duty than the other two (Tylenol and Aleeve)

"He could simply read the title off the book, but he loves the way Bucky’s eyes light up when he gets to tell Steve about whatever he’s reading."[X]this is sweet, and the answer is amusing "Figures. You love the man who sings about the little people. That’s so you."[X]I like the music section that follows this quote...

"He lets it sit on his tongue, imagines he can feel it dissolve into fats and proteins, weaving together to build muscle or stoking the fires of his mitochondria, warming him."[X]meditative idea??

"A good spy never let on that his primary observations about the human character came from Disney films"[X]lol "The human version of toast that lands butter side down, every time,"[X]wow, what a way to describe Clint Barton!

"He craves [human closeness], Bucky knows, reveres it so much that he’ll never take it for granted, that he rarely dares to ask for it"[X]relatable

"Genuine kicker of all Nazi ass, and he blushed like a schoolgirl. Dork."[X]comments

"He's not so stupid he'll ignore the fact that when Steven "My Blood Group is Apple Pie" Rogers threatens to end you, he means it literally literally."[X]not actually from the fic rec but this one inspired one on the fic rec... "hobo-sex-kitten "[X]uhm, where else can that even be applied. Tony narration can be unique

"‘I’m Bucky Barnes.’ He meets him halfway for a second. ‘And I take my own orders.’"[X]this line just stuck me

"Explain how necking with an estranged assassin is a favor," Bucky replies, miffed."[X]this fic, the story game?

"Ah, shit, you came in through the window didn’t you?"[X]made me laugh

"Being Iron Man doesn't make his brain shut up, exactly, but it tunes out the shit that doesn't matter better than anything else he's tried, and he's tried everything.)"[X]makes me think about my boyfriend explaining how SCA fighting or shooting at a gun range are for him.

*pause on the fic rec, I'll get back to reading it later

"Look man, all I’m saying is that for years you gave me someone to look up to for my entire life. ....You gave me someone to look to when I was feeling lost. I know that I’m nothing special, but you seem pretty lost right now. Figured you needed a little push, just like you used to give me."[X]Steve and Violet pt5, Tumblr fic

"More than once, James has ended up on the couch with Sam playing with his hair with a nature documentary on mute. He does the narration. Orcas are assholes"[X]found because of unclesteeb.tumblr.com

"When Steve thinks about Sam his heart does this funny thing where it feels like it’s overrun with kittens and puppies. Everything’s tiny patters of fluffy feet and pastel sugar plums made of candy. "[X]again, unclesteeb

"It's always the middle of winter, Jimmy never dreams of spring, no matter that his entire life is about being reborn, again and again -"[X]nice symbolism, and I'm not even a literary nerd. Also, from the fic rec from before...

"It's like he puts out some super pheromone that makes one believe in truth, goodness, and harebrained schemes."[ch1]I read the original story previously because of a fan art "Confirm. Green thing Hulk is tough and focused. And it's so big that it draws attention away from Steve"[ch1]amusing,particularly Steve's reaction :) "Building is a mission-assist for everyone."[X]awww/lol "One day at a time, Sam says, unless it takes one minute at a time, and then you do that."[ch7]good advice from Sam, of course Just all of chapter 8! "It's rude to assign gender without asking, Stark."[ch9]response to Tony arbitrarily tendering one of his bots (admittedly he does it to annoy Tony but...) "Barnes receives a majestic eyeroll, worthy of bald eagles and amber waves of grain."[ch11]amusing "Assists in your mission to live a good human life"[ch11]awww! Cuteness, I love this AU at Halloween time!

"and sits crammed into the corners of sofas, staring out."[X]same Series as previous set. I relate. Is it "a desire for human hugs" (blame Frozen for the phrasing) "America's mighty chin of stubbornness juts out like Plymouth Rock."[X]lol "Captain Fret wearing his worried expression"[X]yup

"All of the Bucky/Banner introductions, throughout the universes, have generally gone as well as two introverted weapons of mass destruction meeting could go."[ch6]was inspired by the last one

"I get lost in that feeling. Sometimes I need to rehash everything to get it all back in order in my head."[X]relatable I think from this fic rec

"I know that we– well, I –the last few times we’ve tried to, um, God why can’t I just say this out loud?"[X]because your normal Bucky. A lot of people feel that way, we shouldn't have to but it's not weird to! (Mini soap box)

"He’d found not one, but two, families in his long lifetime. People he cared about not because he had to, not because they shared any blood ties, but because they had come into his life when he felt like he had nothing else, and made it better."[X]the importance of any type of family!

"Steve quirked an eyebrow, putting his hands on his hips in his best ‘Captain America does not approve of your sass’ pose."[ch1]reminds me of doing the same with my boyfriend. "It’s just- I know it doesn’t look like much but we found it together. Yeah, it’s kind of old and beat up, and it’s little and broken but it’s still good. Yeah, still good."[ch2]yes, that probably does sound familiar! Disney!

"The Moon is a protector, Bucky. He’s bruised." Steve gives his fingers a squeeze, remembering a similar look on Peggy’s face once upon a time, when he stood in front of her with a broken transponder in his hand. “When I found someone worth flirting with."[X]awww, smile

"not his tiny blond ball of fury (whom he now remembers is a large blond ball of righteous fury),"[post]from the linked post, inspired this fic

"[Being surly to Captain America] It's like being nasty to Superman. He could do it, but he'd just feel like shit afterwards. It's not an experience he's eager to repeat."[X]amusing, means he's done that before...

""Yes, Pepper," they chorus like the good little schoolboys they might have been, once upon a time"[X]lol

"The next time he visited the pediatric ward at New York-Presbyterian, he brought a ton of socks and some puffy paint, so the kids could paint their own. The project was a hit with parents and internet knitters alike."[X]awww!! "Avengers Stitch and Bitch. "[X]comments

"he still has bad days where he sits in the dark by himself because the thought of being around anyone--even Steve--is like jackhammers in his skull and shattered glass under his skin. "[X]not nearly that bad for me, but I kinda get that "refrigerator with a magnet that looks like his shield."[X]cute. Near the end.

"the one who doesn't laugh as much or as loud as he used to, but whose eyes still crinkle in genuine humor at stupid puns and in wonder at some of the marvels of this modern age."[X]quiet emotion, not a lack of sense of humor

"This whole talking about our feelings like adults thing is hard. It made me hungry again. Didn't it make you hungry again?"[X]amusing, don't love the pairing 'cause I only know one of them and I really like him with Steve - though I've liked others

"he doesn't have anything left but a broken heart and some sourdough starter"[X]I've now seen a fair amount of Great British Baking Show " (Sure, the therapy sessions and the anti-anxiety drugs are helping too, but Steve's always been a big believer in the efficacy of hard work and good food for making a person feel better after their world's been turned upside down, and the bakery provides both in spades.)"[X]any combination of methods that helps

"You're going out with Barton. What makes you think you're in any way qualified to give me relationship advice?"[X]amusing deflection banter

"Bucky, you've always needed Steve and me to see the light in you, because you could never see it in yourself. That hasn't changed."[X]Peggy bring the truth...

"Hey! It’s dumb heroic shit. I don’t do stupid, unless there’s a reason for it."[X]yup, sounds like him "Barnes and Rogers, Brooklyn’s own troublemakers."[X]again, yup

"Never felt right pursing any selfish whims when there was so much injustice in the world, so many wrongs begging to be righted."[X]Bucky. Pirate AU. I really like the art - which is how I found it

"Steve gets to sleep in the middle and Clark and Buck equally love and fear his toes. His body radiates heat, but his damn toes are always cold and what the shit??? He’s so warm and yet?? Why just the toes?!"[X]Tumblr head cannon for Steve, Bucky and Clark Kent. I know cold toes!

"He does [sex] more for the happiness and emotional connectivity and that natural high of pleasing the ones he loves the most."[X]Tumblr head cannon for Steve, Bucky and Clark Kent.

"He’d never even told her he was pansexual (he figured he wasn’t bi because that could potentially discount aliens and since humans are technically “not him” he figured pan made sense). He’s spent a lot of time in the shower thinking about his sexual identity to be honest."[X]again the wibtersupercap head cannons. Lol. Even if the rest isn't really my thing at all

"Sex is so very complicated to him. He wants it, he doesn’t want it. It feels good…he’s never in the mood. He wants physical contact…he doesn’t want that much…but yeah sometimes he does? He’s all very confused about himself. "[X]MORE head cannon stuff. Almost done, over halfway. Even not identifying as ace I get this. Relatable, personal .

"Kal could totally be an indicator of “Hey I need attention, love me plz.” "[X]more head cannon stuff, almost done.

"They feel alone in the world, walking beside people who don’t really belong to them but are there all the same."[X]they being Steve Rogers and Clark Kent - so on point!

"I have all this pent up emotion and nowhere to put it, and my boys are beautifully conveying and taking out their motions while I put my fist through the bathroom mirror."[X]ahhh.

"Steve's stomach gurgles noisily and Bucky laughs. "If I could move right now, I'd make you pancakes, but it's going to have to wait until morning.""[X]sex burns calories

"alfred ['s Tumblr]: guns and sometimes miniature cakes"[X]comments

"He wants to live on steamed dumplings from now on."[X]I'm with you Barnes, they are good! "He wakes up early in the morning blanketed by the full-size chest of Captain America. Talk about purple mountains' majesty."[X]lol

"Steve sleeps in the day when he isn’t out and then he’s up all night, up all night long, finding something to do, jogging, TV, sitting at the window, all night, all night."[X]yeah, depression

"Steve hops up on the washing machine, swinging his legs – they’re only a couple scant inches off the ground, but he likes doing it"[X]relatable

"the tired face of Bruce Banner overlayed with that of the Hulk"[X: story 2]imagery. Draw. "Steve from Brooklyn was still there since Bucky could see him. He didn't need any other assurance."[X: story 3]comments

"well, i say bopped–it was the sort of wild swing you take with a frypan when someone startles you in the kitchen."[X]hilarious

"led by the bastard child of paul bunyan and lady liberty"[X]what a way to describe Captain America

"Okay, guys, fair warning, this is gonna get pretty meta pretty fast. Because you know that I love Cap-spotting as much as the next person, and this comm is literally one of the most uplifting places on the internet right now, because it’s first and foremost about human connection and how heroes really are just like us, and they go out to get Chipotle or whatever, and we desperately need that in this shit show that’s called our lives, especially after what happened in NYC."[ch1]okay, this makes sense, though privacy should also be a thing... Maybe there's not pictures? Then the continuation! "[stan the smithsonian guard] also got a photo out of this, and the opportunity to tell cap that his older brother fought in the 107th during the war and knew bucky barnes. cap apparently got a little choked up. can’t blame him."[ch3]poor guard on duty when Cap took back his uniform... Stan even gets cameos in fics "and i heard pepper potts might have implied a thing or two right after it turned out bucky was alive, and even the paps are scared shitless of that woman. AS THEY VERY WELL SHOULD BE."[ch3]oh the things that could get done if Peggy and Pepper were in the same time! "Other auctioned “items” include a self-defense lesson with Natasha Romanoff, archery practice with Clint Barton and Kate Bishop, and a day in a lab with Tony Stark, and they will all be donated by the happy winners to the beneficiaries of the Youth Program at the Potts Foundation."[ch3]YEEEEES! "And it was nice to see that you can come back from something like this, maybe not whole, but at least not completely shattered, you know. Reassuring. "[ch3]motivational "We don’t want Captain America, the hero who’s supposed to represent the majority of Americans, to be someone we can’t identify with at all because of the lifestyle he chooses."[ch3]a haters comment. Me: so the majority of Americans can't relate to following one's heart toward happiness?!

"It’s been nice to have people around him he can indulge skin hunger with as much as his libido."[X]a friwnds Tumblr. I'm not sure (or maybe I just don't have the energy to analyse it) why this quote stood out to me...

"Sure, he didn't need glasses, and sure, they were practically useless, but they were badass. Plus they made the world look purple"[X]not overall relevant but a cute warming read "Natasha winds up throwing Clint down the garbage chute and if that's not some kind of metaphor for Clint's life he doesn't know what is."[X]lol!

"Put on one of these obnoxious Christmas monstrosities that Tony has decided to inflict on us and get up to the main floor, because when I say that Santa has been, man has he been."[X]comments "Nope, it’s 9am. That is not too early. It’s Christmas, stop being such a Russian humbug and get up."[X]little 3+1 Christmas fic

[besafemyprecious-blog]

Because I Am Loved

I still overthink every now and then. For every new person I meet, I think to myself; Will this person like me? Will they judge me? Like all other friends I used to have, will they misunderstand my actions and words or lack thereof? 

These are the reasons why just the thought of meeting new people frightens me. However, I have learned over the years to tell myself “who cares”. I always think back to a successful lady who talked about failure. You can never go forward in life when you don’t take that chance to get rejected or to fail. Embarrassment will only last for a while, I think that’s a fair in order to grow. 

I used to be so shy. I would create my own scenarios of how meeting someone would turn out. I would run through my head all the possibilities which make me freeze. The thought of meeting someone new was not something I liked to anticipate. 

However, I’m pretty lucky. I would end up with momentary courage and speak to someone because I learned how to actually socialize. Volunteering was super helpful in that aspect. However, it's rare to keep them. 

I’ve been misunderstood and lost friends. I’ve learned to let them go but maybe I could’ve resolved it and stayed friends? The first one was a girl whose name I have forgotten in grade 5. Let us call her Kim ( i think that’s the closest I can get to her name) I think our first meeting was okay, I greeted her with glee and she shyly replied with a simple smile. Along the way, I think she might have thought I glared at her or she may have assumed I was gossiping about her but neither were true. I harboured no malice towards her nor did I really considered her as a friend. She was just a friend of a friend, a schoolmate. It didn’t really matter to me what she thought of me but the tension bothered me and the negativity that was directed at me made me feel bad. That was when I knew how misunderstood I can be. She apologized via Facebook the end of the year I was leaving. 

I had an upper year friend. She was in grade 6 I was a year younger. We would fight sometimes and then make up maybe in a few hours, a few days or a few weeks. It was difficult being friends with her because of how different culturally we were. She was funny an caring which was really her shining points. She was a good friend. No matter how much I know I was still in the right. I screwed up and this falling out taught me how important it is to keep someone’s secrets. I can’t get into detail but she confronted me on Facebook about a secret I almost told my other friends that know her. I didn’t tell them. But yet, I did. In a way, I told them without being specific, they knew what I was hinting. I did tell them. She was angry on chat. “I trusted you,” she said. We never talked again until the next summer maybe. She acts as if she has forgiven me but does she? Every summer she would say we should hang out but we never do. It happened a few years ago. We have grown into different people. Maybe in the future, we will cross paths again. However, our visits have ended, I’m driving on a different highway and she walks her own path as well. Maybe the bridges have burned with the occasional greetings from other sides of the river. It was a beautiful friendship even if there were spots of grey. 

Let’s move to Marzie. She was a friend of my friend and still is. Sometimes, I envy post of them together because they seem so much closer than I am with Nicole. However, I know to brush it off my mind. Why is that? Anyways, I’ve only recently made friends with Marzi around the time I joined the Environmental Club in Grade 11 I think by the insistence of Anna. We found common ground. We both enjoyed Doctor Who and she influenced me to care more about the environment. Maybe I gossiped about her, maybe I was misunderstood again or maybe I just belonged to the batch of people she felt was of no use to her anymore. I would feel much better if it were the last. It still bothers me sometimes but its the least of my worries. I just wanted to write it down because I could never talk about this to anyone.  

I used to overthink. I used to be so affected by these things. But, I’ve brushed it off. I can learn to be independent of temporary friends. Why? Because I know I am loved. I have two best friends from elementary who understand me. A friend from high school who takes the time to check up on me and enjoys my company. I know I can’t be their priority but at least I am a priority. I am cared for by my true people. I will meet new people and they may impact my life the way that my current friends have and that’s exciting. If I don’t get a response, I used to think they didn’t like me. I’ve learned to be patient. Now, I could wait for as long as possible. I will understand if they don’t like me anymore but I still need a reason. That shits just annoying if I don’t get a reason. It’s not like they ignore out of malice but it can also mean they’re busy. It’s selfish to think that they should respond quickly. I am not the only person in their lives and that’s okay. As long as I matter. I matter.

Because I am loved, I can wait. 

P.S This is a quote of friendship but not really related to what I’ve written.

   “You are just a collage of your favourite parts of other people” - Dodie Clark

[lenaglittleus]

To The Woman Addicted to Working Out

A year ago I shared this post on the blog about what happened when I stopped working out for a month.

I alluded to it in the post, but chose not to get into too much detail about my history with overexercising and how deep my disordered thought patterns had gone. I think it all still felt a little too fresh and real and per usual, I needed some extra time to process everything before I could share my experiences.

I finally feel like I’m in a good place with my body. A really good place. This doesn’t mean I’m immune to insecurities or feeling like my jeans fit a little too tight some days, but I no longer let that dictate my life. I think how you react to these thoughts, that are normal and human, is truly what’s indicative of recovery.

Because for many years of my life I let these thoughts and subsequent actions dictate my entire life.

But let’s rewind.

I’m 23 and staring at myself in the mirror in a tight-fighting dress and I begin to cry. I told C I wasn’t going out that night because I was “too fat”. I was 114 lbs and at the smallest I had ever been. I had a flat tummy, lean legs and what many girls would have defined as “fit”. I, however, could not see any of this. What I saw in the mirror was someone completely different. I saw someone who was inadequate. Who lacked willpower. Who everyone would be staring at for not have worked out that day.

Yes, I know this sounds crazy. But all I could see in the mirror was the girl who skipped her workout that day because well, life happened. I couldn’t get to the gym and therefore could not wear the tight-fitting dress and subsequently would never be able to attend the party that night. This was how messed up my thought-patterns were. And we haven’t even tackled the headspace of not being able to drink because I hadn’t worked out…

Clearly, I was in a pretty bad place.

But of course, I was the only one who couldn’t see it. No matter what people said to me or probing questions that were thrown my way, I did not see anything wrong with my behavior. I mean I worked out (albeit A LOT), I ate healthy and it maybe isn’t the worst thing in the world that I didn’t want to drink or party.

On the conventional health scale, I was off-the-charts. On the mental health scale, I was a whopping zero.

At that point in my life, there was nothing that anyone could say to me that would make me realize how bad things had gotten. I needed to learn that lesson for myself.

That lesson came a few months later when I did some major damage to my knee while running on a treadmill. I was in denial for a while. The pain was excruciating, but I ignored it. If I couldn’t run, I would jump. If I couldn’t jump, I would lift. I did whatever I could tolerate until a physiotherapist finally told me that if I ever wanted to live pain-free again, I would have to take a break. A long break.

What I see now that I couldn’t then was that she saw me struggling. She saw the issue as far deeper than knee pain. She saw the girl who cried into the mirror and whose life revolved around exercise. Perhaps she had been one of those girls. Perhaps you are one of those girls. If so, I hope this post speaks to you.

Life is not about what is on your workout plan for that day. It’s not BBG or TIU or how many miles you ran. You are not defined by your ability to push your body to its limits. Your strength is not measured in curls or deadlifts. And you are not defined by your body.

It’s easy for me to say this now after 5 years recovering both physically and eventually, mentally from the awful place I was in. If you are in it now, I see you. I feel you. I was you. I know exactly how you are feeling and I know you fear what will happen when you let go of the reigns.

But those chains you grip are doing you more harm than good.

If your life revolves around exercise, I can assure you that other areas of your life will suffer. You will lose friendships, miss out on relationships, burn your adrenals and potentially have long-term health consequences that I’m only now just learning about.

What is challenging about being addicted to exercise is similar to the obstacles of having an eating disorder. It’s not as though you can go cold turkey on food or exercise and continue to live your life without them. It is a drug you will never quit, but instead have to learn to live with in a far more moderate and kinder fashion.

This is the hardest part of recovery. Redefining your limits. Learning what it means to listen to your body. Accepting that moving is simply enough and that some days even this isn’t possible.

So how did I get from the girl crying in front of the mirror to the girl writing to you now? Honestly, it took a lot of work. I shed a lot of tears and I learned to vocalize all of my fears.

First things first, I took a break. Actually, I took several breaks. For someone who is addicted to exercise, the thought of not working out is terrifying. To me “not working out” meant doing a power flow. It meant going on a light run. It did not mean rest. But rest is what you need. Whether you’re injured or are feeling the mental effects of burnout, my biggest piece of advice to you is to SLOOOOOOOW DOWN. Be kinder to yourself. Go on a walk, take a nap. Drink some tea. Find other things in your life that bring you joy and do those.

Secondly, talk about it. Maybe it’s with a friend or a therapist (I highly recommend you seek professional help btw) or maybe it’s with the entire internet. One of the most healing pieces of my journey, was you guys. Talking about life outside the gym, my changing body and discovering other areas of joy beyond the gym with you was a huge help in being where I am now. I’ve quoted my friend Natasha Adamo about this more times than I can count, but “you don’t need to be healed to help”. I’m still not fully healed, but helping any of you has helped to heal me.

Lastly, educate yourself on the long-term impacts of overexercise. Learn what adrenal fatigue means. Check to see if your hormones are out of whack and truly listen to the signs of your body. My knee pain, turned into leg pain and then turned into back pain. I ended up in the hospital after passing out several times from a combination of adrenal fatigue, b12 deficiency and severe pain. All induced by overexercise. What I would do to give back that flat tummy to avoid all of these experiences…

Eventually you will get to a place where you can move intuitively, but only once you learn that exercise must come from a place of love and not from a place of hate.

You will have to rediscover what feels good for your body and you will have to be humble in your pursuits. It’s not always about pushing yourself to extremes, but about listening closely to what your body needs. Oftentimes your strength is shown not in how much you work out, but when you choose not to.

This is where I’m at these days. I have seasons of my life when I workout more than others. I don’t follow a plan, but I listen instead to what my body needs. Most of the time it’s a walk. I walk a lot. It feels so so good and I’ve never come back after a walk feeling worse than when I left.

Sometimes I need to sweat it out. Sometimes I need some death trap pilates equipment that makes walking a real challenge for the next 3 days. And sometimes I want to spin my heart out at SoulCycle. But if life gets the best of me and I need to relax on the couch, instead of working out, that’s cool too.

I gave up a lot when I quit my obsessive exercise, but what I got in return is priceless. I had room for friendships, instead of long runs. I learned all about hormones (and subsequently what NOT to do), which also introduced me to the world of green beauty. I discovered what self-compassion meant instead of numbing my pain with anti-inflammatories. I had room in my head to think about things besides when my next workout would be, which meant I could finally start living my life instead of planning it.

When I look back on pictures of that girl, I don’t see someone who was fit. I see someone who was sad. Who lost her identity in her body instead of using it as a tool to create the life she wanted.

My story ends happily. But there are so many young women out there who are struggling. I hope I can speak to that girl staring back at you in the mirror. I hope she hears me when I say that you are NOT your body. That the gym will never give you the love you are seeking. That you have so much to offer the world so it’s time to start exploring what that means.

I also want her to know that it’s okay to take a break. And that eventually you will find a more moderate way to move your body. Movement that is rooted in compassion and not manipulation.

So if you’re that girl. I’m sending you the biggest hug. I know how you feel, but I also know that with a little patience and a lot of love, you will be okay. There is so much more to life than reps, weights and runs. I’m so excited for you to uncover what that means.

Much love,

D

P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about my exercise philosophy and how I move my body, check out my latest YouTube video HERE.

*pictures courtesy of Bettina Bogar or me

No questions – just your thoughts.

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