#sometimes the stabilizer would just skyrocket

[banditblvd]

Sketch.IO was,,,something

I’m no professional but I think I can say with some certainty that this was not good

[dross-the-fish]

I saw your LO post and something stuck out to me. Most people focus on Hades as a love interest but you made the case that Persephone isn't wife material and I wondered if you could elaborate on that.

I presume you're talking about this post.

I stand by what I said.

This pink teenager isn't wife material, no adult over the age of 25 should look twice at her. This is because this character is functionally a child.

She's technically the physical equivalent of 19 but feels alarmingly younger than that because of her background and upbringing. Hades is supposedly in his 40's and has a full time job and his own assets. At my age and current life stage I'm actually a lot closer to where he's at than I am where she is and I cannot fathom what her appeal would be to anyone outside of her age group.

What is the allure? Is it the way adding her as a household driver would skyrocket someone's car insurance? Is it the way they'd pretty much be guaranteed to have to finish raising her? Instead of coming home after busting your ass at work and having another grown-up to talk to, you'd have to go through the emotional labor of having to play parent/teacher to this child who probably doesn't know how to write a resume and has never had to experience the mental, physical and financial burden of running a household. If you were to date someone like Persephone you'd have to be ok with never getting any kind of mental, emotional, or financial reciprocity because she's not equipped to function in an adult relationship as an equal partner.

That's a HUGE thing and when you get to be my age you will care about these things a lot more than you care about the frivolous "dating" elements that tend to be the focus of younger people's relationships.

Persephone would be incapable of relating to a character like Hades in any meaningful way and while it's cute, I guess, that she's "nice", nice isn't enough of a foundation to build a long term relationship. Due to her lack of age and experience she's not capable of giving advice or even actual comfort if someone had to come to her with typical adult concerns. At best she'd maybe be able to give empty sympathy and, I'll tell you right now, empty sympathy gets old fast.

A very long time ago I dated someone who was my age but at a totally different phase of life and it was a huge mistake. I'd try to talk to her about my job or an apartment I was considering renting and she'd just give me this glazed look like I was speaking another language. The only things I could talk to her about were media or college so when I needed to talk to another grown-up about the very real things I was going through (feelings of inadequacy at my job, concern over financial stability, finding affordable housing) I had NO ONE, because she had never had to worry about any of those things and couldn't comprehend how serious these concerns were. I think the last straw was when I wanted to go do something and she had to ask her parents for money and permission first.

We were both 22 and I had already had a job and my own car for 3 years and the idea of asking my parents for money or permission to do anything seemed ludicrous.

To be clear I don't blame her for that, everyone grows at a different rate and some people get to certain stages later than others, but it did really highlight that this wasn't a person I should continue to date and not someone I could ever feel like I was on equal footing with because she still lived and behaved like a teenager. We were the same age, but sometimes I felt like I was taking on a role that should have been filled by her parents and nothing kills a romantic mood like feeling like the only adult in the room is you.

So yeah, someone like Persephone shouldn't even be trying to start serious relationships, she should be learning how to navigate through life with her peers, people who are also still learning crucial life lessons. But that's not what's going to happen. There's something incredibly gross about the fact that the one who's going to have to teach her how to be a functional adult is the 40 year old man who's eventually going to marry her.

[sephyathredon-writing]

Whumptober #1: Slipping Through The Cracks

Summary: The night before the Knighting Ceremony, Ambrosius just wanted to have dinner with the love of his life. What he didn't expect was for the excitement around the ceremony to lead people to swarming him and asking him for autographs. He quickly gets overwhelmed. An Entry for Whumptober under the prompt “But now this room is spinning while I’m trying just to fill in all the gaps.”

____

What's this creepin' feeling? It's like impending doom I think I've got to go, but it's me, it isn't you What's wrong with me? My foot starts to tap It's cold but sweat drips down my back I don't like this, I'm slipping through the cracks I was fine one moment then it all went black ---- Panic Attack by Scotty Sire ----

  If there was one thing that ever cracked the mask that Ambrosius wore in public and sent his anxiety skyrocketing, it was being around large groups of people. Sometimes it would be alright. He’d hold Ballister’s hand or have a hand on his shoulder for comfort and stability, while he flashed his so-called ‘winning smile’ at the crowd.

  He needed to remember that they were there for him, because they loved him so much that they wanted to see him, wanted to get autographs. It was just, when there were so many eyes on him, so many people so close, it got overwhelming. It was okay when they were seated at the Glorodrome, but so many bodies packed in so close to him always gave him anxiety. Especially when they were loud.

  Even worse, some people didn’t understand that he needed his own private space. They were always up close to him, especially if it was a large crowd.

  It seemed like with everyone anticipating the upcoming Knighting Ceremony, everything in Ambrosius’ life had gotten a whole lot more stressful. Nonstop photoshoots, public appearances, and other duties left him absolutely drained. On top of that, he had to make it to rehearsals for the ceremony too. He hardly had enough time to get a good night’s sleep, and he’d be lucky if he even got to see Ballister.

  They were going to give him a day off right before the ceremony so that he would be well rested for it, Ambrosius just had to make it through the week, which was easier said than done. He spent the whole week thinking about what he was going to do with Ballister when that one day came around. He was thinking maybe they could go out to dinner together. 

  That would be nice.

  Soon that day came, the day where Ambrosius didn’t have to do anything. It was a rarity for him. The descendant of Gloreth was always busy with something. So he took this opportunity to sleep in late, then when he woke up, he called Ballister.

  Unfortunately, the day passed quickly and Ambrosius’ nervousness about the Knighting Ceremony was clear, despite his efforts to cover it up with goofy jokes and bright smiles. 

  Soon it was time to go to dinner. The two of them picked a fancy restaurant in the middle of the Kingdom. They both heard it had good food and they were excited to try it.

  Ambrosius would later find out what a mistake it was to pick such a popular place to eat at so close to the date of the Knighting Ceremony.

  Everything was fine when they sat down, but Ambrosius could tell that they were getting a few stares. Ballister must have noticed him looking around the place, because he reached out to take one of Ambrosius’ hands in his.

  “You seem nervous,” he started.

  “Of course I’m nervous, Bal. The Ceremony is tomorrow,” Ambrosius replied. “What if I mess up?”

  “Well then, I’ll have some material to tease you with,” Ballister retorted with a small laugh, “No, but really. You’re going to do fine.” The hand that was on Ambrosius’ went up to his shoulder, giving it a little squeeze, “You need to get out of your own head, Amb.”

  “You’re right, you’re right,” Ambrosius responded, taking a few deep breaths and looking down at the table. “It’s just… hard… trying to live up to the title of ‘Most Anticipated Knight of a Generation.’"

  “Then don’t,” Ballister responded. “Just be, Ambrosius.” He moved his hand back down to hold Ambrosius’ hand.

  He was quiet for a few moments, and then he looked up at Ballister, squeezing his hand lightly.  “I know you’re worried too, Bal.”

  “Psh, maybe a little bit.” He scoffed, but he didn’t make eye contact with Ambrosius.

  “More than that, I can tell.”

  Ballister was quiet for a little bit, before a smile appeared on his lips.  “Ah, you know me too well. Nothing escapes your eye. Alright, I admit it. I’m just worried-”

  A voice cut through the restaurant, interrupting Ballister.

  “Is that Ambrosius Goldenloin!?” someone called from across the room, and when Ambrosius looked, he saw a woman approaching with a whole group of people.

  His fight or flight instinct was kicking in, and in flight mode.

  It was too late, people were closing in on all sides. Why did they have to get a corner booth? Ambrosius’ thoughts were running a mile a minute, but he still chided himself for being so stupid.

  He realized as his fans closed in that he should really say something.

  “I’m not accepting autographs right now…” His voice was small and unsure as he stood from the booth. He hated to let down his fans. 

  “Please, I need one for my little brother, he’s a big fan!” someone in the crowd cried out.

  “I need one for my niece. She’s only four, but you’re her favorite knight!”

  “I need one for my little cousin. He’s like, your biggest fan ever!”

  “Please! My son absolutely adores you!”

  They really knew Ambrosius’ weakness. He wouldn’t dare disappoint a kid. In the back of his mind, he wondered how many of these people were lying and were just going to sell his autograph online instead.

  “He said no autographs.” Ballister got up and was standing next to him, hands on his hips, trying to look threatening. Ballister often had to do these kinds of things for him, especially when anxiety and fear of letting people down stole Ambrosius’ voice away.

  “I’ll sign them, I can’t let the kids down,” Ambrosius responded, reaching for the nearest notepad. The crowd became bigger and bigger just as he was doing the first few signatures. Some people muscled their way to the front, all of them were chattering excitedly and asking Ambrosius questions that he tried to answer haphazardly.

  When he finally had time to look up, he was suddenly dizzy, swaying in place. The room was full of so many people. He could swear it wasn’t this busy before. It was like there was a neon sign outside that read ‘Ambrosius Goldenloin is here’. His head was swimming with thoughts, and all plans of a nice dinner with Ballister went out the window.

  What a shame, he had really been looking forward to it too.

  Ambrosius felt firm hands on his shoulders and would have jumped if he hadn’t realized it was Ballister.

  “Ambrosius, you okay? You know you don’t have to sign all of these, right?”

  There were shouts of protest from the people in the back. Several tried to move to the front, and the ones in front only ended up stepping closer until Ambrosius had to slide into the booth to get away from them. He stopped answering questions, just looked at the crowd like a deer in headlights, his breathing getting heavier as he felt the panic rising in his chest. He swore his heart was going to beat out of his chest.

  Someone slid into the booth next to them.  “I like your hair, what do you use to make it so soft and fluffy?”

  It didn’t register at first, but this person was playing with his hair. Ambrosius jerked his head away from them. He wasn’t just some doll that the Kingdom could mess with. He was a person. He needed to be treated like it. 

  “Okay, that’s it, everyone give him some space!” Ballister recognized the signs of an oncoming panic attack when he saw them. Ambrosius knew Ballister hated being intimidating and scary, especially against the people of the Kingdom who already thought so very little of him, but he’d do it if he needed to.

  Ballister spread his hands out in front of him and made gestures for them to step back, especially the person that had been messing with Ambrosius’ hair. Once there was enough space, he reached his hand for Ambrosius to take. 

  He was surprised when the hand that reached for Ballister’s was shaking. He was Gloreth’s descendant, surely this couldn’t have affected him that much. 

  He was even more surprised to find out that his legs were shaky too. Still, when he got to his feet, he reached for the next notebook and forced his hands to stop shaking long enough for him to sign it. 

  “Ambrosius, we should go. You’re clearly not comfortable here,” Ballister stated, trying to get his attention. 

  “No, I can’t, not yet.” His voice was still small and betrayed just how anxious Ambrosius still was.

  “Ambrosius, I insist.” Ballister grabbed his arm and pulled him along. “If they really want your autograph, they can get it after the ceremony.”

  “But… but Bal, the kids.” Ambrosius only had time to hand the notebook back with a half finished signature on it, before he was pulled through the crowd by Ballister. He tried to get everyone to move aside, but it didn’t work as well as last time.

  This was even worse than just standing in front of everyone. He could swear that people were touching him on all sides. Hands on his armor, on his hair, brushing against his own hands. It was a severe violation of his privacy, and it only caused his panic to build.

  “B-Bal…” He only barely managed to say that, his voice was so shaky, but Ballister seemed to have caught it over all the noise. He looked back at Ambrosius.

  It was all too much. Too many people, too many sounds. He just wanted it all to stop. 

  Moments later, he collapsed.

  “Ambrosius!” Ballister shouted, barely managing to catch the other before he hit the ground. 

  People stumbled back in sheer terror and surprise at the sight of their beloved idol dropping to the ground like a sack of bricks, finally giving him the space he’d been struggling for this whole time.

  Ballister lifted Ambrosius into his arms, a sad expression on his face as his gaze rested on Ambrosius’. Then he looked at the crowd.

  “You all did this, because you couldn’t leave the poor man alone. He is a person. He needs space, he needs privacy, he needs the freedom to do things without having to worry about you all following him everywhere he goes.” The anger was clear in Bal’s voice. He may have just tanked his reputation in the eyes of many of the Kingdom’s citizens, but he didn’t care at the moment. It wasn’t fair that this was how Ambrosius was used to being treated.

  “I want you all to think about what you’ve done, how you’ve ignored the signs of a clearly panicking man, all because you wanted what? An autograph? To touch him? What about what he wanted? What he wanted was just to have a nice dinner with a friend. Next time, put yourself in his shoes and show him a little respect.”

  And with that, Ballister left.

----

  When Ambrosius awoke, he noticed that he was staring up at ceiling of his own room. He lifted his head up and confirmed that he was, indeed, on his own bed. He could only assume that Ballister brought him back to his own room. He was the only one with a spare key to the room, after all.

  Ambrosius searched his mind, trying to remember everything that happened, and when he did, he threw his arm over his eyes and let out a loud, frustrated groan.

  “Ah, I see you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

  Ambrosius sat up and looked at his hands, they were still shaking slightly and he could feel his heart still pounding in his chest. 

  “Still shaky,” Ambrosius replied, “But I think I’ll be okay.” 

  He leaned back against the pillows, putting his head in his hands. He really had just made a fool of himself in front of a lot of people the day before the Knighting Ceremony. Oh how he wished it had just been a nightmare instead.

  “I can’t believe I did that, Bal…” he spoke, his hands muffling his voice. 

  “I’ll admit, that was a disaster. I don’t think it could be considered your fault. You were just trying your best to please your fans. They’re the ones that invaded your privacy.”

  “But Bal, I’m Gloreth’s descendant, I’m popular, I should be used to large crowds and all the attention.”

  Ballister smiled at him, “I think even a descendant of Gloreth can be forgiven for being overwhelmed in a situation like that. Nobody, no matter how popular they are, should have to suffer through being treated like that. You have a lot on your plate, all the time. People admire and look up to you so of course you’d be concerned about what they think.”

  It was almost magical the way that Ballister seemed to assuage his worries. He always knew what to say. 

  Ambrosius was almost surprised to feel an arm looping around his shoulders and pulling him into a hug. He leaned into it, taking deep breaths, and feeling the last of the anxiety leave his body.

  Seemingly out of nowhere, Ambrosius’ stomach growled. 

  “Right… we never did get to eat…” Ambrosius muttered as Ballister pulled away. 

  “Well, good thing I ordered from our favorite take out place,” Ballister responded as he grabbed a bag from the bedside table, showing Ambrosius.

  Ambrosius smiled at that, “Bal, did I mention I love you?”

  “Maybe once or twice,” Ballister replied, returning the smile with one of his own.

  The two of them got comfortable on the bed and ate their takeout together. After a few moments, Ambrosius spoke up again.  “How long do you think it’ll take me to be able to live this down?”

  Ballister moved his takeout container to the side and grabbed his phone. He appeared to be searching for something for a few moments before showing it to Ambrosius. “I don’t know about that, some people genuinely seem sorry that it happened.”

  Sure enough, there were dozens of posts on his social media from people apologizing for what happened in the restaurant.

  “Oh…” He watched as Ballister scrolled through them. When he saw enough, he looked up at Ballister, “What changed their minds?”

  “Well… I may have given them a good talking to.”

  Ambrosius scoffed, “Bal, you know that’s not good for your reputation.”

  “Well, I figured… you stand up for me all the time, have been ever since we were kids. I wanted to do the same, reputation or not.” Ballister’s reply was heartfelt, Ambrosius could tell, therefore he couldn’t possibly be mad.

  “Well, I appreciate it.” he responded, getting comfortable right next to Ballister as he ate. 

  Ballister put his phone away and grabbed his food again, continuing to eat too.  “Gloreth, I can’t believe the two of us are going to be knights tomorrow.”

  “I know, Bal. I can hardly believe it either.”

  A good portion of the night was spent in each other’s company, and Ambrosius felt more relaxed than he had all week. Then Bal had to leave to get some sleep.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

to the anon who got shafted by inflation -- i think "inflation skyrocketed beyond my imagination" really should be the end of it. you were doing fine financially, even if it's a *~ frivolous ~* purchase if it makes you happy it makes you happy! i think selling your collection should only be a last resort, because the happiness and stability that they might bring for you (by having them around and also continuing to participate/indulge in a hobby) is worth a lot as well. if you won't be able to get them back, you shouldn't sell them, unless you're literally in danger of losing your home or something.

hang in there and i hope that you find a way to alleviate some of the hobby pressures! i would recommend crafting or photoshoots but it's not for everyone, and it's okay to just look at your dolls sometimes honestly. times sound tough for you, so please take care.

~Anonymous

[mysicklove-main]

What is your favorite dynamic between y/n and one of the hybrids? 👁👁

i wanted to make this short but i just couldn't so here i ranked them. (This list is what the relationships are like CURRENTLY but can change)

Favorite: I think I like Katsuki and Y/N. I like the constant playful teasing, bickering, and light insults. But maybe that's because that's how I am in relationships, lol. Katsuki is still hesitant about Y/N. His body is accepting her as his mate, but his mind denies it. After the trauma he endured, he doesn't believe he has one. So, being around you makes him feel so strange. He hates and loves it. It makes it easier that you to take the lead with the relationship because he is too stubborn and would never go out of his way to talk to you, no matter how much he wants to.

Keigo and Y/N are cute too. Also very playful but with much more pining, obvi. I like that Keigo acts all carefree to others, but in reality, he is an overprotective bastard who is constantly worried sick. He puts up this confident front, but inside he is a nervous wreck who wants desperately for you to fall for him. When he met the others, his fears skyrocket, and he is afraid of being left behind. The duality of his persona keeps it entertaining. Mmmm, and childhood friends to lovers...my fav. And pining. My god, I love hardcore pining.

Shoto and Y/N are next. The whole desperately trying to win you over and just completely fucking up every time is hilarious to me. I also like that Shoto is batshit crazy in Your New Pack, while Y/N only sees him as a "perfect gentleman" who sometimes misses social cues. But, on a deeper note (that I will def be going into more later in the fic), I think he craves to be loved. He just goes the extreme amount and ends up creating rivalries among the hybrids. Soon he will realize that the others are important too, and he can't just "get rid of them."

Eijiro and Y/N are after. His whole, giving you up so his best friend is happy, is sweet. The guilt he feels whenever he realizes he was being too affectionate with you and needs to be more considerate of what Katsuki will think :(((. He deserves to be happy too. I think you guys are in the type of relationship where even if dating, you are like best friends and always make the best of the situation. His stability is really important. He isn't prone to fighting like the other three but also isn't on the verge of having an anxiety attack like poor little Izuku.

Finally, Izuku and Y/N. This is shocking actually because Izuku is actually my favorite character of MHA lol. Currently, he is still so so nervous about messing up and doesn't know if he can open up to you. He seeks more physical affection and praise from Y/N because he is so so insecure. He wants to be accepted by the boys and loved. So, since we are still early in the story, both Izuku and Y/N are walking on egg shells to not displease one another. But I still think it's adorable that Izuku sees Y/N as some sort of safety hub and comes to her whenever he feels upset.

Sorry for the long response!!

[curatorofvibes]

Observations

Photograph from Stefan & Audrey Photography

Don’t let astrology limit you, you can be who dream you are and have the relationship you dream of!

༄ Solar Return ༄

These observations are based on both personal experience and the experiences of those in my life.

ᥫ᭡ Scorpio Rising in the Solar Return Chart

-Becoming aware of what’s holding you back and taking steps towards shedding that skin

-Wanting to grow and move on from the past

-Wanting to evolve

-Focused on self-improvement and development

-Wanting to ”glow-up” in every way, mentally, physically, and spiritually

-Keeping this process and journey of self to self, not really sharing with others what you’re going through internally

-Forming better habits in life

-Holding yourself accountable

-Wanting your actions to reflect your words

-Feeling a sense of maturity, as if you’re letting go of who you once were to welcome the being under the shedded skin, a rebirth

ᥫ᭡ Moon in the 7th house in the Solar Return Chart

-Wanting to keep the peace and be more diplomatic

-Realizing that sometimes it’s best to not say the first thing that comes to mind, but to be more kind and considerate of other peoples feelings and emotions

-Learning that everything you think, doesn’t have to be said

-Wanting to please others and make them feel good about themselves through the way you express your thoughts and emotions

-Putting more effort in your grooming and appearance

-Feeling an urge to be romantically involved or emotionally closer to others

ᥫ᭡ Mercury in the 11th house in the Solar Return Chart

-Urge to connect to people and socialize more

-Wanting to go out and meet new people

-Wanting to improve social and conversational skills

-Wanting to make friends with others, even those completely different from who you are

-Not wanting to be around an echo-chamber

ᥫ᭡ Uranus in the 10th house in the Solar Return Chart

-Unexpected career change

-Being sort of forced to make a career move

-Finally quitting an undesirable work environment

ᥫ᭡ Pluto in the 3rd house in the Solar Return Chart

-Meeting people who unintentionally encourage you to stand up for yourself and speak up more. For example, people can say things that you don’t agree with and normally you would ignore it, but for some reason you just can’t, you have to say something

ᥫ᭡ Mars in the 12th house in the Solar Return Chart

-Hiding and concealing your anger

༄ Numerology ༄

Through the information on numerology provided by @lilithgreye and @astrosky33 Tumblr accounts I was able to make these observations based on both personal experience and the experiences of those in my life.

➷ Personal Year #3

-Feeling like everything is going right in life, can’t lose

-Letting the inner child free

-Simply joyful

-So many new and fun memories with family and friends

-Traveling A LOT or after yeaarrrssss since the last trip

-Positive impact on confidence in a way that the effects can still be felt years down the line due to how unforgettable the year was

➷ Personal Year #5

-Long travels

-Finally doing fun activities always wanted to try

-A change in schools

-Overall, enjoyable year

➷ Personal Year #7

-Confidence and self-esteem skyrocketed

-Spending a lot of time alone, more than usual and not by choice

-Using the alone time to pour love into self and take care of self

-On the other hand, feeling very loved and receiving a lot of people expressing their love and appreciation during this time

➷ Personal Year #8

-Getting a job leading to financial stability

➷ Personal Year #9

-Going back to school

-Feeling very insecure and filled with anxiety

-Confusing and frustrating time

➷ Personal Year #1

-Feeling very liberated, like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon

-New experiences, emotions, just feeling very open-minded to new ways of life and living

-Definitely happy, blissful and new beginnings welcomed with open arms

༄ Random ༄

These observations are based on what I noticed tend to be prominent placements in the charts of professional wrestlers.

✿ North Node/Rahu - Mars Aspects

✿ Mars - Jupiter Aspects

✿ Serpent Yoni Nakshatra Placements (Rohini & Mrigashira, especially Mrigashira Mars)

✿ Mercury Nakshatra Placements (Ashlesha, Jyestha, Revati)

✿ Ketu Nakshatra Placements (Ashwini, Magha, Mula)

✿ 1, 3, 5, 8, 9 numerology (according to numerologists, 1 is associated with leadership and athletes, 3 is associated with communication and comedy, 5 is associated with conventional beauty and entertaining, 8 is associated with karma and money, 9 is associated with adaptability and completion). I can see this making sense because in wrestling you have to have some form of athletic ability and be able to talk on the microphone, providing comedy when it is called for. A big part of being a wrestler has to do with your looks, so remaining fit, healthy, and attractive in some way, shape, or form to the audience, always providing entertainment. Seeing as plans can change within the blink of an eye or anything can happen, you have to have the ability to seamlessly adapt on the spot without making it obvious to the audience that it wasn’t in the original plans. With 8 numerology, I noticed wrestlers who have it tend to be very well-regarded and/or see success outside of the wrestling business.

✴︎ In regards to 8 numerology, in letterology the capital letter R is 44 (4 + 4 = 8). I noticed wrestlers with this letter capitalized in their names tend to be known outside of the wrestling business (For example: The Rock, Rhea Ripley, Roman Reigns, etc.)

Notes:

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (Mula Moon, Revati Mercury atmakaraka, Mrigashira Venus & Mars, Rohini Saturn | 8 numerology)

Trish Stratus (Mula Sun, Mrigashira Mars, Revati Jupiter | 9 numerology)

Steve “Sting” Borden (North Node/Rahu trine Mars; Revati Mercury & Ketu, Ashwini Venus, Mrigashira Mars, Mula Saturn)

Adam “Edge” Copeland (Mars square Jupiter, North Node/Rahu trine Mars; Mula Moon & Rahu, Jyestha Venus atmakaraka, Ashwini Mars | 3 numerology)

Amy “Lita” Dumas (North Node/Rahu square Mars; Ashwini Sun, Revati Mercury atmakaraka, Mrigashira ASC | 5 numerology)

Rey Mysterio (Jyestha Sun atmakaraka & Mercury, Mula Venus, Ketu in Rohini | 8 numerology)

Kenny Omega (Mars square Jupiter; Ketu in Jyestha, Rahu in Mrigashira)

Christian Cage (North Node/Rahu trine Mars; Ashwini Mars, Ketu in Mrigashira, Rahu in Mula | 3 numerology)

Bianca Belair (Revati Sun & Venus, Ashwini Mercury, Mrigashira Mars, Rohini Jupiter, Ketu in Magha | 9 numerology)

Kurt Angle (Mars Trine Jupiter; Jyestha Sun, Mula Mercury, Ashwini Saturn | 1, 9 numerology)

These observations are based on a pattern that I noticed in Saturn Atmakaraka Natives which mainly is that they tend to have success longevity, beginning from around the ages of 30-35+.

Miley Cyrus (19° Shravana pada 3, 10th house)

notes: released her song flowers at the age of 30 which led to her winning her first Grammy Award at the age of 31. Maybe hers being in the 10th house shows themes of her career success or longevity in her career (?) since shes been working since she was a child and is still receiving accolades and royalties.

Vanessa Williams (25° Dhanishtha pada 1, 8th house)

notes: recently released a music video with choreography at the age of 61.

Mike White (25° Bharani pada 4, 8th house)

notes: season one of the white lotus released when he was at the age of 51 and is currently his biggest success in his career (based off of how well-acclaimed it is) since he released school of rock in 2003 at the age of 33.

༄ Vedic Astrology ༄

Through the information on vedic astrology provided by @youremyheaven and @venussaidso Tumblr accounts, along with Claire Nakti’s and The Hidden Octave’s @thehiddenoctave YouTube channels, I was able to make these observations. They’re not in-depth, they’re based off of random things I noticed in some of my sources of entertainment that I felt connected to things others have observed in these placements.

ೃ༄ Actors ೃ༄

H. Jon Benjamin (Krittika Sun, Mercury, Mars & Rahu)

Is the voice actor of Sterling Archer In the show “Archer”.

✴︎ Says : “I’m not really much of a planner.” (connects to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Sun-Ruled nakshatra natives being people who don’t really plan for things and who rely on improvisation)

Jason Sudeikis (Sun in Uttara Phalguni and Ketu in Krittika)

Plays Ted Lasso in the show “Ted Lasso”.

✴︎ A manager/coach with carefree energy, improvisation and not really planning anything (connects to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Sun-Ruled nakshatra natives being people who don’t really plan for things and who rely on improvisation)

Leo Woodall (Uttara Phalguni Sun)

Plays Jack in the show “The White Lotus”.

✴︎ Came across as pretending to be a “himbo”

✴︎ Bad boy charm with undertones of sadness and inner conflict

Alan Ritchson (Anuradha Sun)

Plays Jack Reacher in the show “Reacher”.

✴︎ Says : “That takes time, which is something I have in great quantity.” Can relate to Saturn’s connection to time (?)

✴︎ Skillful and rebellious character

Juno Temple (Pushya Sun)

Plays Keeley Jones in the show “Ted Lasso”.

✴︎ Her character was highly sought after by men and sexualized (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Pushya nakshatra natives)

✴︎ Her character was kickass in a male dominated field (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Saturn-Ruled nakshatras natives being in male dominated fields in films)

(Magha Venus & Ketu)

Plays Keeley Jones in the show “Ted Lasso”.

✴︎ Her character had a sex tape leaked which can connect to the Magha yoni animal being exploited (?)

✴︎ The character is open about her sexual curiosities (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Magha natives being open about their sexual curiosities)

Hannah Waddingham (Pushya Sun)

Plays Rebecca Welton in the show “Ted Lasso”.

✴︎ Her character was kickass with a masculine edge in a male dominated field as the owner of a football club (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Saturn-Ruled nakshatras natives being in male dominated fields in films)

✴︎ Her & Keeley’s character (both Pushya Suns) had respect for each other and their strengths

✴︎ Her character could easily destroy the male ego (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Saturn-Ruled nakshatras)

✴︎ Very disciplined character with a sharp and stern personality (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Saturn-Ruled nakshatras natives)

Vanessa Williams (Uttara Bhadrapada Sun)

Plays Renee Perry in the show “Desperate Housewives”.

✴︎ Her character was described as having a, “style seems to be more like chrome and glass and teeth” teeth being apart of the description of Saturn

Marcia Cross (Uttara Bhadrapada Sun)

Plays Bree Van de Kamp in the show “Desperate Housewives”.

✴︎ Her character described as suppressing emotions, stoic, cold, and tightly wound. (In relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Saturn-Ruled nakshatra leading to being emotionally hardened)

✴︎ Her character described as courteous, elegant, graceful, never letting people know what she’s thinking

✴︎ Her character described as an “ice princess”

✴︎ Her character described as too resilient, always bouncing back (In relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of having Saturn-Ruled nakshatras allowing one to naturally adapt by building upon virtues such as personal restraint and composure)

✴︎Said about her character : “No matter what the circumstances, Bree Van de Kamp always found a way to stay in control. She curbed her impulses. She enforced a strict dress code. She maintained a strong moral center. Yes, Bree was always in control, so when it came to handling a crisis… It made perfect sense that she was in the driver’s seat.”

Marcia Gay Harden (Ketu in Uttara Bhadrapada & Pushya Mercury)

Plays Margaret Wright in the show “So Help Me Todd”.

✴︎ Her character described as a controlling mother

✴︎ Says : “I’m not judgmental, I’m a realist.”

Emmanuelle Beart (Ashlesha Sun atmakaraka, Venus & ASC)

Plays Claire Phelps in the movie “Mission Impossible”.

✴︎ Her character is meant to manipulate Ethan through seduction into believing he can trust her after her and her husband fake his death in order to frame Ethan for being a mole. Like a snake, connected to the Naga Diety of this nakshatra, she had to be secretive and stealthy.

Cillian Murphy (Rohini Sun)

Plays Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow in the movie “Batman Begins”.

✴︎ His character is a psychologist who studies peoples fears in particular and uses it against them as a way to gain control over them. Can connect to observation made by those who study Vedic saying that Moon-Ruled nakshatra people study other people

✴︎ The actor himself has Intoxicating eyes and is a private person, not on social media (serpent yoni)

Paul Johansson (Shravana Sun & Mars)

Plays Dan Scott in the show “One Tree Hill”.

✴︎ His character killed his own brother then framed it on someone who committed suicide

✴︎ His character likes to tell elaborate manipulative lies that are hard to disprove (in relation to the observations made by Vedic astrologers of Moon-Ruled nakshatras)

✴︎ His character manipulates his own son into doing what he wants (in relation to the observations made by Vedic astrologers of Moon-Ruled nakshatras)

✴︎ If you wrong his character, he WILL get revenge and try to one-up you (in relation to the observations made by Vedic astrologers of Moon-Ruled nakshatras)

Chad Michael Murray (Magha Sun)

Plays Lucas Scott in in the show “One Tree Hill”.

✴︎ His character wanted to change his last name due to a dilemma on who fathered him. His Uncle Keith was more of a father figure than his actual dad who basically disowned him (in connection to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Magha Nakshatra being associated with ancestry roots and the origins of oneself)

✴︎ Says : “For the longest time I’ve been an outsider.”

✴︎ His character was romantically connected to a Punaravasu woman in the show and chased after her despite her wanting to be “non-exclusive” at first. Despite his connection with the Punarvasu woman, his attraction for the Ardra woman (can connect to observation made by Vedic astrologers of nodal placements being attracted to each other) that he was attracted to from the very first episode never waned

✴︎ Says to the Ardra woman : “I kind of have this habit of crawling into my shell.” (Can maybe connect to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Ketu-Ruled nakshatra natives being inwardly drawn?)

Anthony Head (Ketu in Punarvasu)

Plays Rupert Mannion in the show “Ted Lasso”.

✴︎ Although a villainous character, he had a story of being a poor boy when young and sneaking into the stadium to watch matches, getting kicked out by a security guard (who he eventually repaid with a raise in the future), to eventually becoming a billionaire and owning his boyhood football club. (This is in connection to the Vasutva Prapana Shakti of this nakshatra which is, “the power to gain wealth or substance”)

✴︎ His character struggled with commitment, but towards the end of the show it did seem like he was on the path to becoming a better person (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Punarvasu natives who tend to struggle with commitment)

Sophia Bush (Punarvasu Sun)

Plays Brooke Davis in the show “One Tree Hill”.

✴︎ Her character was once referred to as “Miss Sunshine” (in relation to to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Punarvasu nakshatra natives being able to easily bring light and optimism to situations)

✴︎ Her character is very optimistic and playful, yet aloof and cold to ppl who try to befriend her friends

✴︎ Her character was romantically connected to a Magha man in the show and he chased after her (in connection to the observations made by Vedic astrologers of Jupiter nakshatras natives being emotionally spacious with the ability to hold a lot within them and Ketu nakshatra natives being attracted to them because they’re pulled in by that expansiveness)

✴︎ Her character is a social butterfly

✴︎ By the time her character graduates high school, it was brought up how much she had grown as a person for the better within those 4 years (in connection to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Punarvasu nakshatras boundless nature that leaves a lot of room for growth)

✴︎ Her character’s parents were never around during her high school years, she basically lived alone or with friends

✴︎ Her character created her own fashion line called “clothes over bros” while in high school (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Punarvasu Nakshatra natives who tend to contribute a lot to the fashion world and in the show her clothing line brought her a lot of opportunities in the fashion industry)

Hilarie Burton (Ardra Sun)

Plays Peyton Sawyer in the show “One Tree Hill”.

✴︎ Her character’s mom died when she was young

✴︎ Her character wasn’t addicted, but was sucked into doing cocaine a few times

✴︎ Her character identified with loneliness and being a talented artist, expresses how she feels internally through her art (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Ardra being a Rahu-Ruled nakshatra and being internally spacious, trying to find ways to fill up that emptiness through external sources)

✴︎ Says : “You don’t know anything about my pain.”

✴︎ Wants to be immersed by her love for Jake and went above and beyond for him and his daughter Jenny, he left her in the end to find his daughter and she was broken by this love (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Nodal nakshatra natives tending to be obsessive in romance to feel more stable)

✴︎ Her biological mom that she did not know about comes back into her life at 17 and says she left because she liked drugs more than she liked her child. Went through a lot of life changes for a 17 year old (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Ardra nakshatras natives often going through traumatic events in life that they have to deal with alone)

✴︎ Hides behind her sadness and art

✴︎ Her character loses her biological mother to cancer and her adopted mother to a car crash, her adopted father is always traveling for work so he is hardly ever around and she never knew her biological father (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Ardra nakshatras natives often going through traumatic events in life that they have to deal with alone)

✴︎ Had an obsessed stalker who pretended to be her long lost brother (in relation to the observation, are by Vedic astrologers of Rahu Nakshatra natives being often seen in the charts of people who can be the source of other people’s obsessions and unwanted attention)

✴︎ Painted a dog on her bedroom wall as a “watchdog” for protection after her stalker situation (which can maybe connect to the Dog Yoni of this nakshatra?)

ೃ༄ Football Managers/Coaches ೃ༄

José Mourinho (Shravana Sun, Moon & Saturn)

Outcast Nakshatra native and a popular/well-regarded football manager/coach.

✴︎ Started out as a translator for FC Barcelona before becoming “one of the world’s greatest managers” (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Shravana nakshatra being a common placement in the charts of polyglots)

✴︎ Calls himself “A Special One” which can be connected to Shravana being labeled “The Chosen One” (?)

✴︎ Said about Mourinho : “He could see the future, what the opposition would do… what substitutions the opposition’s coach would make.” (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Shravana nakshatra being a common placement in the charts of mind-readers and psychics)

✴︎ Said about Mourinho : “He told us he wasn’t interested in fair play or a positive image. Only in winning. He managed to bring qualities out of me that I didn’t even know I had.” (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Shravana natives having the ability to open the qualities of others that they have trouble accessing)

Carlo Ancelotti (Uttara Phalguni ASC)

Outcast Nakshatra native and a popular/well-regarded Italian football manager/coach.

✴︎ Nicknamed “Don Carlo”

✴︎ Said about Ancelotti after Real Madrid beat Manchester City in the 2024 quarterfinals of the Champions League : “As a man, Carlo just fills you with calmness and confidence. Before the game, I caught him yawning and asked him: ‘Boss, are you tired?’ He said you need to go and excite me out there. That’s the calmness and confidence he brings.” Which can be an example of his carefree energy as a Sun nakshatra native, observed by Vedic astrologers

✴︎ It is said that as a manager/coach, he doesn’t really have specific instructions and allows his players to have freedom and creativity on the field and in how they adapt and approach the game. Also, described as a very versatile and creative manager/coach. This all connects to Sun nakshatra natives being described as people who don’t really plan for things and relying on improvisation

✴︎ This praise can also relate to the criticism that he receives, a lot of people say that his tactics are “just vibes” which can relate again to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of the carefree energy and improvisation that Sun nakshatra natives tend to have and rely on in life

ೃ༄ Musicians ೃ༄

Edgar Varèse (Rahu in Swati & Ardra ASC)

French Composer.

✴︎ Created music with a futuristic focus conceived of as “bodies of sound in space”

✴︎ Focus on merging science and music together

Avril Lavigne (Hasta Sun & ASC)

✴︎ song “Girlfriend” asking someone to break up with their girlfriend to get with her

Ariana Grande (Hasta Moon)

✴︎ song “break up with you girlfriend, I’m bored”

(this one is my observation, I just thought it was interesting)

Melanie Martinez (Bharani Sun)

✴︎ Her song “DEATH” starts out by saying “death is life”, and talks about being back from the dead (in relation to this nakshatras Diety being, Yama, aka “God of Death”/“Catcher of Souls”/“The Final Judge”)

ೃ༄ Wrestlers ೃ༄

Drew McIntyre (Rohini Sun & Mercury and Mrigashira Mars)

✴︎ Intoxicating eyes (serpent yoni)

✴︎ Long hair (in connection to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of it being common for Moon-Ruled Nakshatra men to grow out their hair and leave it long. His Rohini placements, he also has a Shravana Jupiter)

Mike “The Miz” Mizanin (Hasta Sun atmakaraka & Moon)

✴︎ A wrestler who is known for his good wrestler impersonations (in relation to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Hasta natives being linked to impersonation)

Toni Storm (Chitra Sun & Rahu)

✴︎ Wrestler with an Old Hollywood Starlet gimmick as “Timeless” Toni Storm inspired by the movies “All About Eve (1950)” and “Sunset Boulevard (1950)” (connecting to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Chitra/Mars-ruled nakshatras being common in the charts of old Hollywood starlets)

Roman Reigns (Rohini Sun, Mrigashira Mars, and Shravana Jupiter)

✴︎ Plays a wrestling character who is incapable of seeing his flaws

✴︎ Doesn’t see how his actions hurt others or is wrong

✴︎ Doesn’t feel guilt or remorse

✴︎ Difficult for him to trust others (in relation to the observations made by Vedic astrologers of Moon-Ruled nakshatras. His Rohini & Shravana placements)

✴︎ Makes you question your own motives. Manipulator (in relation to the observations made by Vedic astrologers of Moon-Ruled nakshatras. His Rohini & Shravana placements)

✴︎ Compensates for his bruised ego by finding a way to one-up you (in relation to the observations made by Vedic astrologers of Moon-Ruled nakshatras. His Rohini & Shravana placements)

✴︎ Concerned with how others perceive him… wanting them to “acknowledge” him (in relation to the observations made by Vedic astrologers of Moon-Ruled nakshatras. His Rohini & Shravana placements)

✴︎ Does not like appearing weak or being vulnerable (in relation to the observations made by Vedic astrologers of Moon-Ruled nakshatras. His Rohini & Shravana placements)

✴︎ Uses his opponents vulnerabilities against them (in relation to the observations made by Vedic astrologers of Moon-Ruled nakshatras. His Rohini & Shravana placements)

✴︎ As a heel character he says and does terrible things, but still enjoys a good reputation by the audience (in relation to the observations made by Vedic astrologers of Moon-Ruled nakshatras. His Rohini & Shravana placements)

✴︎ Obsessed with power (in relation to the observations made by Vedic astrologers of Moon-Ruled nakshatras. His Rohini & Shravana placements)

✴︎ Long hair (in connection to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of it being common for Moon-Ruled Nakshatra men to grow out their hair and leave it long. His Rohini & Shravana placements)

✴︎ In connection to the serpent yoni of the Rohini and Mrigashira nakshatra placements, his private life off camera is typically kept under wraps and hidden (snakes being great at hiding), not much is known about who and what he does outside of the “Roman Reigns” character he plays on television

Randy Orton (Revati Sun)

✴︎ Elephant yoni which is the largest yoni animal (?) and Randy is known for being a HUGE man in person

✴︎ He also has double Mercury-Ruled nakshatras in his big 3, his wrestling character is charismatic and manipulative in the sense that he’ll convince you that you’re allies, but ultimately you should never trust “the viper”

(Ashlesha ASC)

✴︎ Comes across as intimidating which can be in connection to the feline yoni of this nakshatra (?)

✴︎ The Visasleshana Shakti of this nakshatra is “the power to inflict poison” and he is known as “the viper” which is a venomous snake

✴︎ In connection to “the viper” nickname and this nakshatra is the Diety being, Naga, which is a serpent God. When he goes to the place where he hears voices in his head (can also connect to the observation made by Vedic astrologers of Ashlesha nakshatra natives being buried in their own subconscious minds and having inner conversations and narrations), he sort of moves like a snake that relies on its intuition in those moments

✴︎ His character is also one that you can’t trust, he’s sneaky and methodical and if you turn your back on him, he can attack you (with an RKO) out of nowhere… even if you’ve been led to believe that you’re friends or have formed an alliance

✴︎ Honestly, everything about him reminds me of a snake, from his appearance (especially in the year 2009 when his character derived pleasure in hurting others) to the way he moves, he’s so fast yet lethal at the same time and if you look into his eyes you can see that he’s probably thinking in his head what’s the best way to attack his opponent and catch them off guard for the win. Another nickname of his that can connect to these actions is, the “Apex Predator”

( I was really excited to share the Randy Orton observation ◡̈ )

I would like to state that I’m not an astrologer, so I hope that I wasn’t disrespectful to any astrologers with these observations in any way whatsoever (especially with the Vedic observations seeing as how there’s Hindu roots involved). This tumblr account has been fun, but I’ve reached the point where my pinned post is relatable to how I feel in real life, so I don’t plan on making anymore posts related to astrology or along those lines. If you would like to check out some of my previous astrology related content, they can be found under the tag #curatorofvibes. These observations were things I had written down over the years and I thought it best to share it with whomever comes across this post instead of just deleting them. Wishing everyone more life and more genuine love! ♡ ~ curatorofvibes

NOTE: PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORK. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO REPOST, PLEASE GIVE CREDIT.

[govindhtech]

MediaTek Dimensity 9300 12-Core GPU with 3.25GHz Analysis!

MediaTek Dimensity 9300

There are rumblings that MediaTek may officially present its Dimensity 9300 sometime later in this month. However, a source that has extensive links to the company has supplied you with all of the information that you are searching for in advance of the company posting the complete specs of its flagship SoC. This information was provided to you before the company published the details. It has been said that the CPU cluster is different from the one that can be found in the Snapdragon 8 Gen 3, which leads one to presume that the two chipsets may not perform at the same level as one another when compared to one another.

One of our reliable sources asserts that the more sophisticated architecture of the central processing unit (CPU) found in the Dimensity 9300 gives it an advantage over the Snapdragon 8 Gen 3 in terms of performance. On the other hand, as one could reasonably anticipate, this may come at the expense of the device’s capacity to save power.

According to a post made by Digital Chat Station on Weibo, the core of the Dimensity 9300 will have the capacity to attain a maximum clock speed of 3.25 GHz. This maximum clock speed is equivalent to what is capable of being achieved by the Snapdragon 8 Gen 3 processor. However, the entire cluster is different from what we have seen in previous releases, and it is believed that MediaTek will be adopting not one but a total of four Cortex-X4 cores in its new processors.

This is because it is believed that MediaTek will be adopting a new processor architecture. In comparison to what we have witnessed in recent launches, this would represent a considerable improvement. It stands to reason that in order to keep the overall power usage from skyrocketing, just one of them is presumably clocked at 3.25GHz, while the frequency at which the other three are reported to be running is kept a secret. This makes perfect sense. This is due to the fact that it is common sense that doing so is the most effective strategy to prevent an overall increase in the amount of power that is consumed.

The cluster is referred to as a “1 + 3 + 4” cluster due to the fact that all four of the cores that remain are of the Cortex-A720 kind. The information that the Dimensity 9300 will not contain any efficiency cores that are based on the architecture of the low-power Cortex-A520 has been brought to our knowledge. since of this, the only logical conclusion that can be taken is that the power consumption of the Dimensity 9300 will be higher than that of the Snapdragon 8 Gen 3.

Which is said to have the cores stated above. This is the only conclusion that can be reached since there is no other logical conclusion that can be drawn. According to the source, the graphics processing unit, or GPU, will be the Mali Immortalis G720. This GPU will reportedly have 12 cores, although the company has not disclosed any performance data addressing this area of concern.

We are unable to tell how well the SoC would function when subjected to continuous workloads because he does not offer any information on the power consumption. On the other hand, he does give the impression that the performance of this combination will be superior to that of the Snapdragon 8 Gen 3 in terms of both CPU and GPU activities.

If we make the assumption that the Dimensity 9300 is unable to regulate its temperatures and ends up throttling while doing heavy CPU and GPU tests, then the performance stability of the Dimensity 9300 will be worse than that of the Snapdragon 8 Gen 3, and those additional high-performance cores will not be of much help over the long term. If we make the assumption that the Dimensity 9300 is unable to regulate its temperatures and ends up throttling while doing heavy CPU and GPU tests.

The source did say that the Dimensity 9300 is presently being tested in a prototype; hence, there is always the potential that MediaTek may make a few adjustments to this configuration before making an official statement about the device. There is no way to know for sure whether or not MediaTek would do so, though. Keep an eye out because, as is our practice, we are going to provide you with information that has been brought up to date as we proceed. So, make sure you keep an eye out for that.

[seoafin]

morgannnn do you have plans on ever elaborating on this?

if talking fic probably not ! while i may have the story i cannot for the life of me plan all the logistics of it out bc it would just not make sense 😭 also it would not have a happy ending. i might as well just make an non jujutsu sorcerer shoko au and run with that but i dislike au’s fjdsfdskf

but if u want some elaboration

rip!mc still went after megumi and tsumiki but couldn’t exactly stop the zenins from finding out and taking him in. she was able to strike a compromise though so while megumi agrees to be the head, he’ll split his time at the zenin compound and at his apartment (where tsumiki lives) and enroll into jujutsu tech. rip!mc is technically their guardian and adopted tsumiki. she wanted to adopt megumi too but the zenins would not allow her. and so megumi and tsumiki become the most important people in her life and are the main reason she can’t and won’t leave jujutsu society (this baffles stsg when they are reintroduced. shoko is just like ‘figured you’d adopt the orphans of the man that nearly killed you’ shoko is also the only one that actually attempts to make friendly with megumi and tsumiki while stsg barely tolerate them for rip!mc)

without gojo and geto AND shoko things kinda really fall apart exposing the corruption and pitfalls in a jujutsu society that was too reliant on sss and took their abilities for granted. jujutsu sorcerers are extremely overwhelmed. because rip!mc and nanami are basically the only ones left they get extremely close and megumi thinks they’re dating and supports it. they are not. nanami does not quit and that is partially due to rip!mc’s extremely fragile state of mind following sss’s defection even tho to everyone else she is completely fine. okay. used to be being alone. understands why sss left and doesn’t begrudge them for it. nanami thinks rip!mc needs serious help but also thinks it’s none of his business. megumi and tsumiki do stabilize her quite a bit though

there is an increasing amount of curses while injuries and fatalities skyrocket. also at the same time there’s an unprecedented rise in curse users running rampant. many of them went wild after finding out stsg are practically curse users themselves and there’s a large amount of curse users who became curse users to express their discontent with jujutsu society, the way things are run, and its outdated values that places jujutsu sorcerers at the bottom and the clans/higher ups at the top. also many others just joined to join the winning side ie; stsg.

gojo ditching made for a massive structural reorganization on a lot of scales and the zenin’s are bringing up megumi to fill the gap that gojo left and potentially take his place. i think part of gojo taking megumi in made it so megumi could preserve his ‘innocence’ and his ideals such as being selfish as a jujutsu sorcerer reflect that. unfortunately megumi is much more jaded in this one 😭 the higher ups are also setting up megumi as the one to kill gojo and geto when the time comes. more conflict of interest!!!

the college has sent jujutsu sorcerers after the sss. these jujutsu sorcerers have either come back traumatized and quit their jobs, or joined them. the higher ups are losing sorcerers. they brand the three traitors but also refuse to directly confront them or go to war. they are trying to force a stalemate but they are also losing the war.

shoko sets up shop as an underground doctor that heals people for a price and has an extremely diverse array of customers. people like rich ceos, foreign princes, presidents, etc have all visited her before. out of the three she has kept most of her morals intact and in fact does sometimes contract with the college to heal jujutsu sorcerers lmfao (if she’s feeling it. and always for an exorbitant price) the college hides any trace of this though because she technically is a ‘traitor’

the fic would probably start with the college trying to set up a formal more permanent contract with shoko and sends rip!mc as the intermediary. of course once rip!mc is involved stsg are also involved. which is hard bc im trying to make this a shoko fic!!!! i am going to stop here before i word vomit another whole page.

[dawnover-dusk]

it’s only like, two years later lol. inspired by my intern boot camp! lemme know if there’s too much medical jargon so i know i can tone it down in the future lol  EM resident wonwoo x IM intern reader, bullet point, not proofread more seventeen medical au here!

- wonwoo is a 2nd year EM resident - but as a fresh-faced baby intern, you mistake him for an attending - it’s not your fault really -- his aura and quiet stoicism despite the packed ED suggested years of experience - so when you are on nights and a patient that you are admitting starts crashing, you don’t even question it when he comes running over and ordering you to get fluids - after the patient’s vitals stabilize, your adrenaline is still pumping as you shakily say “thank you dr. jeon” - he contemplates you over his wire-framed glasses and nods, “oh it’s just wonwoo”

- and as you gush over wonwoo to your (barely awake) senior resident jeonghan, he begins to grin - you know you’ve only been working at the hospital for a month, but it’s long enough to know that jeonghan is scheming - so when jeonghan calls you over the next night to get sign-out for a new admission, you’re a lil sus - but you don’t have time to react when jeonghan runs out of the room cackling and you hear wonwoo’s voice over the speaker say “hey yn” - and you curse at how your heart jumps over his deep voice and you don’t know if you should thank jeonghan or kill him - when you go to see that patient, wonwoo can’t help but look over at you from time to time from where he is seated at his workstation - not that he purposely chose that seat because he could see that patient or anything because he’s definitely not interested ... and not that jeonghan texted him the entire night about you LOL - and he can see your eyes crinkle over your mask as you talk softly to the elderly woman - and how you pat her hand and she grasps yours for reassurance - and how you run over to the supply storage to grab a hot pack for her before you go back upstairs - just like how you were in awe of how calm he was during an emergency, he’s awed by how considerate you are - so he doesn’t even really mind when you walk into the medicine lounge for more keurig coffee and jeonghan ditches him in the most conspicuous way possible - “oh hi wonwoo!” you greet him brightly, setting down the steaming paper cup on the table as you plop down on the couch across from him - and now he is graced with your full smile, the corners of your eyes crinkling as he tentatively smiles back and gives a small wave - “thanks again for helping me out last night! you looked super cool and i hope that i can be like you,” you start, before realizing that that you just blurted that out without thinking - you could feel your face start to flush and if you weren’t avoiding eye contact, you would’ve seen that wonwoo’s hand had reflexively come up to cover his grin - “don’t worry about it, i know med school and the real world are totally different but you’ll get the hang of it. i’ve seen you with patients though and they can’t teach that amount of empathy, so you’re already miles ahead” - your eyes widen and even though you’ve been trying so hard to fake like everything’s been okay - intern year sucks - “thank you, wonwoo,” you whisper, but words cannot convey how much his recognition means to you - throughout the rest of the rotation, you meet up with wonwoo to have bad coffee and over time, you don’t even use jeonghan as an excuse anymore - whenever wonwoo is off, he texts to check in on you - wonwoo knows how scary it is to be alone as an intern on nights, and as much as he loves jeonghan, he knows that he’s less than…hands on - but you always try to change the subject from work because you believe that when you’re off from the hospital, you should be off - so you talk about video games and literature and spoken word poetry - and to his surprise, wonwoo ends up telling you that he sometimes writes lyrics for this music group that he was part of back in med school (he has never told anyone else this!!!!) - so you ask him to go to a show with you the next time you’re free and he’s like “sure” but internally he’s like “IS THIS…A DATE???”

- “wonwoo’s finally going to have a s/o!” jeonghan all but shouts to his co-residents jihoon and joshua in the morning - it’s been a month on nights and you’re back on the day team - you had gone to intern morning report while the rest of your team...gossips? - “it’s too early for this,” jihoon grumbles while joshua slides his chair closer to jeonghan - “i am the best senior that an intern can have and no one can tell me otherwise,” he continued while joshua just chuckled - “last i heard, you let the intern handle septic shock and you didn’t even leave the call room,” jihoon rebutted. - “uhh..hi?” you question as you enter the room and see joshua zoom back over to his desk and jihoon whip around and pretend to finish his email - jeonghan clears his throat to fill the silence but as he is the king of luck, your pager goes off and you exit that room as quickly as you had entered, shouting something about a code in the ED - jihoon: “so…are you gonna help or” - jeonghan: “nah it’s cool” - in the ED, you run over to the crowd that had formed around this patient and you see wonwoo at the head of the bed who nods at you - “yn, this patient came in with nausea and vomiting but her blood pressure has dropped and her mental status has changed. we think she’s having a heart attack” - you grab the EKG and your eyes widen as you tell the nurse to ready a defibrillator - “there’s nothing that we don’t already know on the EKG, we have to get her to cardiology,” wonwoo argues but you point out this one beat that is abnormal - “she’s going to get worse, wonwoo” you reply and before wonwoo can say anything, the patient’s heart rate skyrockets - “ready for defib,” wonwoo says. “charge to 200, and clear!” - the patient’s rhythm returns to normal and after her vitals are stabilized and she’s transported to cardiology, you see wonwoo slip out - “hey,” you call, and you see him stop in a less busy hallway, his eyes trained on the floor and his face pale. “let’s go somewhere else,” you grab the crook of his arm and lead him to the benches in front of the vending machines - you grab a cup of warm tea and sit down next to the silent man, noticing that his hands are shaking as he runs one through black disheveled hair - “…i’m sorry,” he starts as you gently bump your knee against his - “hey, she’s alive, she’s going to be fine,” you say, folding his shaking hands around the cup and wrapping your hands around his - even though this was foreign to wonwoo, it was…comforting. your thumb brushing across his knuckles, your breath falling in sync with his… - you were comforting - “you know what they always tell us in school, that medicine is a team sport? i’ll always have your back,” you laugh, and you see the corners of his mouth start to rise - “are we still on for our date?” he asks, although so lowly that you almost miss what he’s saying before a wide grin breaks out onto your face - “honestly it’s the highlight of my day off,” you reply

- skip forward in time and you’re almost at the end of your intern year - you pretty much live at wonwoo’s now, using the excuse that he lives closer to the hospital despite jeonghan saying you’re in LOVE - and now instead of jeonghan trying to play wingman, he’s complaining about how much wonwoo won’t shut up about you - when your schedules don’t match up, you prep food for him when he’s working and vice versa - on days off you switch off having lazy days in with going to the movies or hanging out with friends - you meet his med school music group and you’re surprised to see jihoon there (he glares at you whenever you try to bring it up during work though) - tells you the CHEESIEST jokes and wordplay and every chuckle he can get out of you is a victory that he rides the entire week - you’re each other’s go-to person for the most random thoughts, from “why does rheumatology take weeks when all they give are steroids” to “what are the ethical obligations for us as physicians to like…zombies tho…” - his affection for you in the hospital is in the form of coffee and trying not to admit complex patients to whatever medicine team you’re on (jeonghan will point out this favoritism CONSTANTLY) - appreciates that you initiate the skinship at home because sometimes he gets too nervous - one day you’re leaning on him as he plays video games, your laptop open on your lap and you should be doing work but you can’t help but absentmindedly stare as he plays - and you take in his furrowed brow and his glasses and the way he adjusts his headset - it hits you -- you love this man - and you’re so zoned out that you don’t notice that he’s paused his game and is looking at you quizzically - all you can do is pull him down and kiss him and only the need for air causes you to pull back - “so…should i play games more often?” he jokes and you sigh, the arm wrapped around your waist pulling you closer to him as he giggles - “i love you,” you whisper into his neck as one of his hands smooth over your hair - “i would hope so, it would be awkward since you’ve practically moved in and all” - “wonwoo!” - and all you can see is his nose wrinkling in laughter before he kisses you again

[notebook-13]

BNHA History

Alright! I decided to assemble what we’ve been told about how society has changed since the advent of quirks. So here’s a rough timeline + my speculation.

Distant Past

≈200 years ago

The birth of a glowing baby signaled the beginning of superpowers. Considering the tremendous chaos that followed, I think it’s likely that the onset was fairly rapid—the glowing baby was the first of a lot of people all at once born with superpowers (or, it was the first baby born with a noticeable superpower). Crime skyrocketed, the law became meaningless, humanity came apart at the seams.

Why there was such an explosion of crime and chaos hasn’t been directly addressed; presumably it’s because early metas were violently shunned as nonhuman, and because new powers entailed the opportunity to use them.

Under these conditions, All for One rose to prominence. He used his meta power to win slavish loyalty, granting powers to those who desired them and removing them from metas who rejected them. His manipulation of his devotees was so great that he didn’t need to give them orders: they anticipated his will and acted on it. He didn’t tolerate dissent and crushed those who defied him. (ch193)

AfO’s period of de facto rule is not included in history books (he persists as a myth), so it’s unlikely that he occupied an official, publicly recognized position. But his rule apparently stretches from approximately the advent of quirks till the battle of Kamino Ward. (ch59)

However, AfO’s younger brother opposed him. AfO punished him by forcing on him a “useless” power-stocking ability. This power fused with the brother’s latent ability to transfer his ability, and the brother was able to pass it on. Over the next two centuries, the OfA holders continued to pass it on, largely to whoever happened to be nearby when they were dying instead of to selected proteges. (ch59, 257)

Relatively soon after the advent of superpowers, the police foreswore using them as weapons in order to keep the trust of the public. Vigilantes emerged to fulfill this role, attempting to mete out justice, and at some point the government authorized certain people (heroes) to use their powers offensively to enforce the law. Heroes were heavily criticized at first, but they eventually developed public support thanks to their strict adherence to the law (according to police chief Tsuragamae). (ch56)

According to the bnha spinoff Vigilantes, the government classified vigilantes into heroes or villains based on public opinion of them. (ch13)

MLA Era

How long ago was the Meta Liberation Army active?

Ch232: Redestro weakly implies that Destro was born before the beginning of heroes as a profession. This early date would also coincide with writing legislation to authorize heroes to use their powers to apprehend any other meta who used their ability.

Ch238: the MLA was in hiding for generations, plural.

Ch223: Redestro states the MLA has trained for “many generations”

So…somewhere between seventy years ago and more than a hundred years ago?

Regardless of the exact dates, Destro was born into a borderline period when there was intense prejudice against metas and official effort to coexist peacefully. When his mother defended him by claiming his power was a mere “quirk,” she was killed by a mob.

Sometime later, when the government drafted legislation to (supposedly?) promote peaceful coexistence, they recalled her idea of “quirk” and tried to use it as part of their reform. Destro, now an adult, opposed this and their reform, asserting that this was not the world his mother envisioned when she’d said “quirk.” (ch232)

He rallied metas to his cause, to bar any restriction of meta ability use, and the MLA fought the government for several years before defeat. It dissolved, many of its members in jail, including Destro himself. He penned his autobiography and then killed himself. (ch218)

Post-MLA, Pre-Symbol of Peace

Unknown number of years ago

Villain: “Seems like no one’s willing to break the law nowadays. All this whining about not selling out their friends. It’s a real pain. […] Man, I miss the days before All Might came along… I was young, and this country was a way more impulsive place.” (ch57)

Yagi: “I believed that this country needed a symbol so I started dashing headlong towards that goal. A shining light…hope. A wake-up call for everyone. As I ran, I swore I’d become that sort of man. People always had these worried looks. All the heroes in the world couldn’t slow the rising crime rates. Much more than now…they were truly scared.” (ch165)

This was an apparently cutthroat, impulsive period where efforts to curb chaos continued but found limited success. Crime was on the rise, something Yagi attributed to the idea that there wasn’t anyone (a “pillar”) for people to rely on. (ch93)

≈70 years ago

When Ujiko proposed his “paranormal singularity theory,” he was roundly rejected and mocked. Due to his own struggles with housing multiple quirks, AfO recognized how prescient Ujiko’s warning was, and he reached out to recruit Ujiko. (ch270)

(Note: Ujiko’s use of “paranormal” could mean he proposed his theory before “quirk” became the standard term, meaning “quirk” could be a rather recent change of language.)

≈35 years ago

AfO killed Nana. All Might was eighteen; he subsequently went to America to complete his training.

Symbol of Peace Era

≈30 years ago – Battle of Kamino Ward

Deku: “Ever since he appeared on the hero scene, his strength has won him undisputed popularity. Every year that he’s been active has seen a marked decrease in the appearance rate of villains. His existence alone is a deterrent to villainy.” (ch2)

Gran Torino: “[Stain’s] ideals and opinions…they’re gonna get out there. On the net. In papers and magazines. On TV. This age we live in, for better or worse, is one of suppression. But mark my words—people are gonna be influenced by this.” (ch57)

Shigaraki: “It’s not crazy to imagine that someone could commit an atrocity at any given moment. So why do they smile and mingle like this? Because the laws and rules are built on their individual morality, they’re convinced that ‘No one would ever do that.’” (ch69)

Shigaraki: “The reason these fools can smile and live their lives is cuz All Might’s always got that grin on his face. Smiling wide, as if to say there’s no one he can’t save!!” (ch69)

Deku: “All Might. Was there ever a time you really couldn’t save someone…?” Yagi: “…? … Sure. Plenty of times. Right now, somewhere out in the world, someone could be hurting or dying. It sucks, but I’m only human. I can’t save people who are out of my reach… That’s why I stand tall and smile. I’m the Symbol of Justice. The citizens…heroes…villains…I need to light the way for all of them.” (ch70)

Kid: “Nowadays people expect different things from heroes than they used to. It’s all about the entertainment factor and approval ratings.” (ch144)

Shigaraki: “You heroes pretend to be society’s guardians. For generations, you pretended not to see those you couldn’t protect and swept their pain under the rug. It’s tainted everything you’ve built. That means your system’s all rotten from the inside with maggots crawling out. It all builds up, little by little, over time. You’ve got the common trash, all too dependent on being protected. And the brave guardians who created the trash that need coddling. […] I don’t care if you don’t understand. That’s what makes us heroes and villains.” (ch281)

After about two centuries of chaos, Japan achieved stability after All Might established himself as the Symbol of Peace. All Might was specifically noted to have demolished most organized crime, so that villain teams were relatively rare (ch83, 115, 125). As Shigaraki put it, now people could go about their lives confident of their safety because All Might convinced them that everything will be alright, a hero will take care of them. This was true to the extent that people would flock to the sites of hero/villain battles to take photos and videos.

Whereas, as Twice put it, if you were on the wrong side of the law, then All Might’s catchphrase “I’m here” was a curse, something to fear and loathe. Gran Torino characterized this era as an age of suppression, as in, the symptoms were suppressed, producing superficial stability, but the underlying conditions hadn’t changed.

During this period, the industry of heroism shifted to over-emphasize heroism as public entertainment, rewarding attention-grabbing stunts and PR skills over humbler virtues.

This shift inspired Stain the Hero Killer to enact a purge of unworthy heroes in order to revive true heroism. He deeply impressed society, and, despite his murders, he became a popular figure. His ideals provoked some people to question whether society’s heroes were “true heroes,” while others disregarded his ideals and simply found him cool.

During this era, 80% of the population had a quirk. Whether that statistic was stable or if it was an effect of demographics (ie, most quirkless people are elderly and almost all kids have quirks) hasn’t been specified.

This era could be separated into All Might’s Bronze, Silver, and Golden Ages, each with a different costume.

≈30 years ago

All Might debuted in Japan, and he kicked off an unprecedented era of stability.

5 years ago

All Might fought and “killed” AfO.

Age of Endeavor

Battle of Kamino Ward – Present (ch283)

HPSC: “All Might had it all…power with enough charm to win the people over. The gulf between him and the perennial runner-up was always huge… I doubt we’re gonna find someone that charismatic again anytime soon.”  Mera: While we’re waiting for the next All Might, hero squads with a focus on team unity are gonna have to fill the gap. This order from up high is meant to make some headway on that front… (ch111)

Miyagi (newscaster): “If we’re being honest, I think All Might just got too big for our own good. So big that we lost sight of things. […] As for us, we shouldn’t just passively protect the status quo. Isn’t it our duty to bring back a culture of excitement around heroes?” (ch115)

Kid: “We know what’s up. Mom and dad and the TV all ask the same thing. ‘Are the heroes doing okay?’ …We know. We’re better than them!” (ch165)

Hawks: “That guy earlier, screaming ‘Long live metahuman liberation’…this [rumors of nomu sightings] is kinda like that. They republished some old-school criminal’s autobiography, and it’s flying off the shelves. I’m thinking that’s influencing people. That stuff tends to sell best when society’s feeling unstable, right?” (ch186)

Gentle: “What counts as a spectacle is a question for the current generation. We shall go to the source [UA]—the source that enchants our society.” (ch171)

Newscaster (surveying the stampede of fleeing civilians during Endeavor’s nomu battle): “This is society without a Symbol of Peace!!”  Can’tcha See-kun: “Stop saying that crap already!! Open your eyes before spouting off on TV! Especially at a time like this! Look! Those flames’re still rising up! You see ’em, right?! Endeavor’s alive and fighting!! So don’t give up just cuz the other guy’s gone! There’s still a dude out there risking it all for us!! Can’tcha see?!” (ch189)

Kuraishisu (newscaster): “In the past, a situation like this [the destruction of Deika City], where heroes were forced to make a difficult call, would have earned those same heroes criticism, but I suspect we may be witnessing a critical turning point in this era. A large-scale shift in opinion from criticism to passionate support.”  Uraraka: “Feels like everything’s different ever since the ‘Can’tcha See kid’ did his thing.”  Ashido: “It’s all cuz Endeavor kicked butt!” Mt. Lady: “Y’think the future’s bright? Not so fast!! It might seem like the winds of good fortune are blowing our way, but if you stop and think about the flip side of all this…it’s actually coming from a sense of urgency—it’s a response to danger! These cheers for the conquering heroes are really prayers—a plea that we emerge victorious! They’ve had enough of the showbiz side of heroism and want us to prove our worth for real now!” (ch241)

Mineta: “Not too long ago, she didn’t give a crap about anything except being on camera…” Aizawa: “Mt. Lady’s not the only one who has changed. Every hero out there is being pulled up by the number one’s rising ride.” (ch241)

After All Might retired, uncertainty gripped Japan as people wondered what would happen now. A strong consensus agreed that Endeavor wasn’t suited to fill All Might’s boots, something reflected in how the crime rate went up 3% in the month after Kamino, and reflected in how people suddenly became interested in reading the MLA ideology of rejecting heroes and protecting themselves.

During Endeavor’s battle against the nomu, the press attributed the public’s frantic stampede—ignoring heroes trying to guide evacuation—to the public’s lack of trust in Endeavor (and heroes generally) now that All Might was gone. Public trust improved after the nomu battle, especially thanks to Can’tcha See-kun.

Within a month after the battle, expectations shifted. People had enough of showbiz heroism and wanted the heroes to walk the talk and protect the public against villains, to the extent that comfortable armchair criticism was replaced a passionate support driven by fear of villains.

Miscellaneous Questions

When did “hero” become a recognized profession?

When did the hero ranking system begin?

When did the celebrity culture around heroes develop?

When did “quirk” come into common use?

How old is Yagi? How long ago did he debut in Japan and begin the era of peace?

How old is AfO? How long after the advent of quirks did he come to power?

When did AfO recruit Machia?

When were the nomu invented?

When did humanity pass the point of quirk singularity? (ch193)

[sunqyu]

~ Treasure reaction to your personality being similar to Asahi’s

Request: “ Can i please please pretty please request Treasure having an s/o who acts like Asahi (kinda quiet but does weird stuff outta nowhere)? “ - Anon

Thank you so much for my first request! I was planning on making it a little silly focusing on the weird stuff but ended up going more for the deeper connection I think Asahi would have with people he’s close to. Hope you like it and it suits your expectations! - Nova

Hyunsuk

you and hyunsuk would have such sweet peaceful chemistry

the type where you can make eyecontact from across a busy room and know exactly how the other’s feeling

he’s always at ease when you’re around

what amazes him the most is that even though he feels like he knows you through and through, you still manage to be unpredictable

you bring him a feeling of security and excitement all in one

Jihoon

damn rollercoaster of feels

would have a hard time figuring you out

but also gets really curious

so he’d enjoy trying, seeing it as a challenge

thinking he’s unravelling some type of intricate mystery

when you’re really just sitting, thinking about how cows can’t walk up stairs

Yoshi

would get used to your random weirdness pretty quickly

just lets you be you while he adores you with a soft smile

occasionally joins in as your personal hype-man

but most of the time he’d be the one to give you a sense of stability

kinda like he’s your rock (sounds cheesy but feels like the best way to describe it)

as if he has a radar with your name written on it which tells him when you need space or when you need company

Junkyu

I think he’d have a hard time connecting with you at first

since Junkyu’s also introverted but gets very energetic in social settings

your moments of weirdness would have to sort of match up

but once you do go past that point and the trust builds up ohhhh

he cherishes those deep conversations you two have so much

it’s a connection that’s unbreakable once it’s there

Mashiho

constant hearteyes

you’re just sitting somewhere? focused on what you’re doing?

hearteyes

you can’t sit still and ramble on about something you read online?

hearteyes

you’re exhausted from a day of being social and mumble softly on the way home with him?

hearteyes

you’re so cute to him and he’s mastered the art of getting on your level

enjoys every snippet of the way you see the world

feels proud for knowing you trust him enough to open up

Jaehyuk

buy one, get one free type of deal

you match without much effort

where most would have a hard time figuring you out and think you’re peculiar, for him it’s like second nature

‘What do you mean she’s acting weird?’

can hang out with you for hours without many words, still having a great time

he appreciates the way you let him be him without expectations

Asahi

dynamic duo

I really do think Asahi would match well with someone similar to him

he’d love to be with someone who let’s him be in his own bubble

or better yet

joins him in that bubble (bubble is weird a word, bubble bubbblebubel)

it’s hard for him to feel truly understood sometimes

he didn’t really mind

until he met you and realized two might actually be better than one

Yedam

you would bring out Yedam’s romantic side

he’s not sure why

you’re just intriguing to him, it makes him think more poetically

very useful for his songwriting

but also very heartwarming for him

he’d still be surprised every time you had a burst of energy

he likes how it keeps him on his toes

Doyoung

would try to join you in your weird moments

gives up when you get too random

continues by teasing you about it instead

gives up when you tease him back x287

continues pretending to be hurt

ends up just laughing with you

that wittiness is what he likes most about you

and the fact that it happens when he least expects it

he’ll try to bring it out more often by acting goofy around you

Haruto

has the tendency to react sarcastically

pretending he thinks you’re not funny in a whiney voice

when he really just likes seeing you ramble on, trying harder to get a reaction

it’s the other way around when you’re more quiet

then his voice is all over the place as he tries to get you to pay attention to him

super content when you two are just cuddling on the couch

talking about loads of things 

from why Shaggy could run as fast as Scoobydoo 

or how there have to be two identical snowflakes at some point in time but no one will ever know

Jeongwoo

tries to level up on your weirdness

ends up embarrassing himself in the middle of a busy street

still proud because he made you laugh

can get a little unsure of himself when you’re quiet for a long time

especially when he hasn’t seen you in a while

but one text message and it’s all gone and his confidence skyrockets again

boasts to everyone about how cool you are and how no one is funnier than you two

Junghwan

would need a little validation from time to time

knows you being quiet doesn’t mean you’re upset with him

but could definitely use a reminder from time to time

luckily he quickly learns how you express your love and it makes all the difference

easily joins in on your weirdness when it’s just the two of you

gets a bit shy about it when there’s other people too

but cherishes your inside jokes more than anything

[vostara]

love me like you hurt me - p.2

we make mistakes, we leave them by the door

pairing: Rafe Adler x Original Female Character x Samuel Drake

blurb: “But once, I think I loved you.”

word count: 14.9k+

title inspiration: I Run to You - MISSIO

The second (and final) part of the series. I’ve very much loved the process of writing this story and I adore Sabina and her interactions with Rafe and Sam. You can expect to see more of her in the future, since I have spin-off/sequel one-shots planned. I don’t know when they’ll be released, but they’re coming.

This work is cross-posted on Ao3.

01 | 02 ... series masterlist

February 2001

A month ago, Sabina packed her duffle bag and left Scotland on the first flight that she could book. She flew to England, then took a train to France. Swung her way through Switzerland, Italy, and Austria, before finding herself here.

Germany.

Sitting on a bench inside of a tiny museum, Sabina stares at the painting displayed on the wall. Before her is a sea of lavender. Plants are angled towards the right, leaning with an invisible breeze. In the center is a young woman, dressed in a high-collared white dress. And in her lap is a toddler, waving around a bundle of flowers.

From her peripheral vision, she watches as a man joins her on the bench. His hand twitches, and he reaches out for her, tempted to brush his fingers against her own. Instead, he drops his hands into his lap and turns to look at the painting.

“You found me,” Sabina says.

The man remains silent.

“How?”

“It’s not important,” he says.

Finally, she turns her head to look at him, turns to look at Rafe. “You paid someone.”

“Actually,” he shakes his head. “I asked Nate.”

“I didn’t tell him where I was going.”

“No, but he made a startlingly educated guess.”

Sabina hums. “I don’t suppose he came here with you, did he?”

“Nate left,” he sighs.

“Can’t say I’m surprised. I’m pretty sure he hates you.” She reaches for the ring on her finger, fiddling with the sapphire gemstone. “When did he leave?”

“About a week after you did.”

“So,” Sabina says, “there really is nothing at the cathedral, then?”

“We don’t know that for sure,” Rafe responds.

“We’ve spent weeks looking. Weeks digging holes, turning over every single pebble. There’s nothing there,” she says. “No clue. No treasure. No sign that anything associated with Avery has ever existed there.”

“There has to be something there.”

“But there isn’t,” Sabina directs her attention back to the painting. “Maybe it’s time to let it go. Let the treasure disappear into obscurity.”

“Why are you giving up?”

“Why would you care?” Sabina counters. “You’ve got the cathedral, all of the clues. If you find the treasure on your own, you get all of the profit. A hefty sum to add on top of your hefty inheritance.”

Rafe clenches a fist.

“Sam was the Avery expert,” she continues. “Without him and without Nate… I just don’t see the point in continuing. Their knowledge about this is leagues above my own. The truth is that I was probably just tagging along for the ride.”

“I am sorry, you know,” Rafe says, “about Sam. His… it wasn’t part of the plan.”

“It all feels surreal,” Sabina admits. “Like I’m wandering through a terrible dream. I feel like I’m going to wake up, any minute now, and he’ll be there to greet me with a horrible cup of coffee and stale croissants.”

“Were you two…”

“Together?”

Rafe averts his gaze to the tile floor.

“No,” she says. “Not quite. We were… complicated. He was never really good at commitment—neither of us were, really.” Sabina sighs, “Maybe it’s due to our similar upbringings. We both grew up without our parents. Stability is a luxury that we haven’t quite experienced yet.”

“What happened to them? Your parents?”

With a slight tilt of her head, Sabina mulls over her response. “When you spoke to Nate,” she says, “did he specify exactly where I would be in the museum?”

Rafe takes a moment to think. “He did, yeah.”

“The first time I came here, I was with Sam,” she says. “It was raining outside, so we popped in to escape from the cold. And when I saw it,” she nods her head towards the painting, “I couldn’t pull my eyes away. Sam joked that he would steal it for me one day. Though, knowing Sam, he was probably being serious.”

She stands and takes a few steps closer to the painting, her face glowing from the faintest hint of a smile. “Mother and Daughter Pick Flowers, such an original title. Artist: Jean-Jacques Pierre de la Sablonnière, a French painter. It was quite well-known that he hated men. In fact, he refused to paint them. Claimed that they were vile creatures. It is believed that when the Duke, Prince Louis Amilcar François d’Orléans, attempted to commission him for a painting, he laughed his face and danced on his way out of the villa. Of course, the Duke was upset, embarrassed. He stormed into his garden and shouted for his guards. And poor Monsieur de la Sablonnière was found dead, stabbed through the heart, just three days later.”

She turns around to look at Rafe, whom is still sitting on the bench. “I don’t remember my parents,” she says, walking back towards him. “I was a child when they died. Old enough to remember them, sure, but I can’t remember people if they barely had a presence in my life. What I do remember is this painting. A replica was hung in the living room, above a neglected fireplace full of dust. I wanted to be the little girl in the painting, to also have the joy of sitting in a sunny field, picking flowers with my mother. It’s a bit said, you know, that I don’t remember my mother’s face, but I remember my nanny.”

Sabina sits down on the bench, inches away from Rafe. “My parents were murdered,” she says. “After months of being away, they had finally come home. I was so happy. Even though I had grown out of bedtime stories, my father read one to me. And when he was finished, I begged him to read another and another. I think I was afraid that he would never read me one again. We stayed awake, long after my bedtime, but neither of us cared.

“My mother died first. We heard her screams, her pleas for help. Heard her begging the the intruders to stop. My father picked me up, carried me into his study, and hid me in a secret space beneath the floorboards.” Sabina unclasps the gold chain around her neck and places the medallion in Rafe’s hands. “He gave that to me. Told me to keep it safe, hidden. I don’t really remember what happened after that. Sometimes, in my nightmares, I recall the sound of a gunshot. Of papers being pushed, scattered. Cabinets crashing against the floor. I see blood seeping through the cracks in the floor. I feel it dripping down onto my face, onto my hands.”

Sabina exhales, releasing a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “I don’t know who, specifically, killed them; they were never caught. But since then, I’ve spent an alarming amount of time running away from people who wish to murder me. Whatever my parents found, whatever that medallion is, it’s worth something. The boys and I speculate that it’s related to Avery’s treasure, but we’ve been unsuccessful with our attempts to solve the puzzle.”

“Sabina,” Rafe says, “let’s work together.”

“I don’t know,” she says, shrugging. “I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”

“Tell me,” Rafe looks down at the medallion, brushing his thumb over the etched symbols. “Do you still want to find Avery’s treasure?”

“Yes, but—”

“Then come with me.”

“I can’t—not without Sam—”

He reaches out towards Sabina and wraps his fingers around her hand. “You don’t need the Drakes, Sabina. You’re more intelligent than you think you are.”

“Why are you looking for this?” She asks. “What could you possibly gain? It can’t be the money, you already have that.”

“Curiosity,” he says. “Boredom, maybe.”

“Treasure hunting: an unusual cure for boredom.”

Rafe chuckles.

“I want to be equals,” Sabina says. “We split the treasure, fifty-fifty.”

“Hey, I’m the one footing the bill for—”

“Fifty-fifty. Take it, or I walk.”

“Deal,” Rafe says.

December 2015

A few years ago, Sabina figured out that life with Rafe is easier if she avoids the topic of Nathan Drake. Though her husband would never admit it, it was clear that feelings of rage, frustration, and jealousy were building up inside of him. He hated what Nate had accomplished on his own, hated what he had accomplished without him. And Nate’s current involvement with Avery’s treasure hasn’t helped. In fact, spending the past few weeks chasing after him had skyrocketed Rafe’s anger, making her husband almost unbearable to be around.

After Scotland, they followed Nate here, to Madagascar.

Drowning beneath the burning sunlight and stifling humidity, Sabina does her best to keep herself calm, composed. So far she has been successful in convincing Rafe and Nadine not to murder Nate at first sight, but as the promise of finding treasure draws closer, their patience is beginning to wan. Currently, the trio are driving in a jeep through one of the cities, providing a much appreciated gust of wind to cool down their sweaty bodies.

Rafe pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials a number. A few moments later, he laughs. “Here I am, I’m calling what I thought was Sullivan’s phone… and look who picks up,” he says. “How you been, Nate?”

Her ears perk up at the name.

“I wish,” Rafe chuckles. “That only would’ve cost me a few shots of rum, right? No, no, I had to pay top dollar to find you guys.”

Sabina frowns. Just how much money has Rafe invested into this not-so-friendly competition? He must be more on edge than she had assumed.

“…you pulled off some clever moves there,” he says. “But in the end, all that matters is who gets to Avery’s treasure first.”

A brief pause.

“Hey, Nate, you know I’m always game,” Rafe responds. “But my partner,” he turns his head slightly, to glance over at Nadine, “well, she prefers to… mitigate unnecessary risks.”

Sabina tenses and her eyes flicker over to Nadine, but she ignores her gaze.

“Look, Nate. I’m gonna make you a one-time offer here,” he continues. “You drop everything. Go home, live your life… and I’m willing to forgive and forget. For old time’s sake.”

Nadine looks over at the man, as he listens to Nate’s response.

“Okay,” Rafe shrugs. “‘Pro Deus quod licentia.’ For God and liberty.” He smiles, “These are nice pictures, Nate. Good composition.”

A feeling of dread punches Sabina in the stomach. She leans forward in her seat and grabs onto her husband’s shoulder.

“You stole my cross!” Rafe says. “Listen, Nate, if you’re half as smart as you think you are, you’ll accept my offer. What’s it going to be?”

“Rafe,” Sabina says, jostling his arm.

He ignores her.

“Well, Nate, one more thing—Nate!”

A pause.

“You… you do realize that your phones are equipped with GPS, right?” He asks. “I’ll see you soon, buddy.” He ends the call, finally turning to look at her. “What?”

“What did you do?” She asks.

“Honey, don’t worry about it.”

“Rafe—”

“This doesn’t concern you.”

“What is wrong with you?” Sabina yells. “This is—this is absolutely crazy!”

“Sabina,” Rafe says. “I need you to calm down.”

“Me?” She laughs. “You need me to calm down? Have you listened to yourself once in the past few weeks? Hell, the past few years? Everything is Drake this! Drake that! God, maybe you should’ve married him, huh? He’s all you ever talk about. Too bad you’re sending people to go fucking murder him!”

“I am not going to do this with you right now.”

“Is this why you hired Shoreline?” Sabina says. “So you could get rid of anyone that stands between you and that treasure?”

Rafe doesn’t respond.

“When this is over, I’m done.”

“Sabina—”

“No, I am sick of this. You aren’t the person I married. You aren’t even the person from five years ago.”

“Sabina—”

“Shut up,” she says. “Just… shut up.”

September 2001

Sabina fiddles with her emerald green satin dress. It was something that would have cost her a small fortune, more than triple the rent of her tiny overpriced apartment, but Rafe had insisted on getting it for her.

This is ridiculous, she had said. It’s just a dress.

Really, it’s nothing. Rafe said, waving away her protests. If you want to blend in, you’re going to need to dress the part.

I can’t ask you to pay for this.

You don’t need to ask, he chuckles. I’m telling you that I’ll pay.

But I’ll only ever wear this dress like once, maybe twice.

That would be a real shame. You look really beautiful in it.

The comment had shut Sabina up, bringing forth a light blush to stain her cheeks.

I know that this doesn’t seem like pocket change to you, Rafe said, but it is. And even if it wasn’t, this dress would be worth the price.

“Sabina,” a voice calls. A hand reaches out for her own, intertwining their fingers between hers. “Relax,” they say, “the more you twitch, the more attention you’ll bring to us.”

She sighs, looking at Rafe. She squeezes Rafe’s hand, as she glances around the room.

The pair were at an exclusive, membership-only bar. A hotspot for filthy rich assholes, those that are usually linked to shady business deals and other questionable methods of income. Sabina felt out of place, standing amongst the elite of wealthy society. While these people sweetened a cup of tea with liquid gold, she was one to ration a bottle of honey.

“Maybe I should go,” she says. “I feel like everyone can tell that I don’t belong here.”

“Nonsense,” Rafe says. “Everyone knows that you’re here with me; they all watched us walk in together.”

“Every time I exhale, someone looks at me like I’m tainting the air.”

“Ignore them.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” she huffs. “Nobody is looking at you like you’re trash that someone dragged in from the street.”

Rafe chuckles. “They’re curious about you.”

“I’m pretty sure everyone believes I’m a gold digger that’s playing you.”

“Come on,” he says, tugging at her hand. He begins to lead her out of the bar.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

“But the seller—Rafe—he could be here any moment.”

“He can wait five minutes,” he says. “You look like you’re about to suffocate.”

“But—”

“Trust me, Sabina.”

She sighs, but stops her struggle.

Rafe leads her up a short flight of stairs and then outside, onto a balcony. The late night air of Germany chills her arms, triggering a layer of fresh goosebumps. But she ignores the cold when her mind becomes focused on the view in front of her. The balcony overlooks a vast forest of pine trees, illuminated by the silver-blue haze of moonlight.

Sabina takes in a deep inhale of the crisp air.

“What’s bothering you?” Rafe asks.

“What?” She turns to look at him. “Nothing. Nothing, really.”

“Wow,” he takes a step closer to her, placing his hands on the iron railing. “You didn’t even try to sound convincing with that response.”

“I’m fine.”

“The key to a good partnership is communication,” Rafe says. “So, communicate. Talk to me, huh?”

“I feel like I’m wasting your time,” Sabina admits.

“What? Why would you think that?”

“And your money,” she continues.

“What are you talking about?”

“What if I can’t solve the medallion?” Sabina grips onto the railing in front of her. “Can’t solve the puzzle or figure out whatever piece I need in order to even attempt solving it. Or what if it’s broken? What if it was part of something else and that something is long gone? Rafe, I’ve barely contributed anything in the past year.”

He opens his mouth to respond, but Sabina interrupts him.

“We’ve hardly made any progress,” she says. “Maybe I’m holding us back, leading us in the wrong directions. God, I keep turning those fucking rings. As if it’s going to make a difference and one day I’ll magically line it up correctly and everything with click into place. But it hasn’t happened… and I’m not sure if it will.”

“You’re not wrong,” Rafe says. “We’ve been circling the same set of clues for longer than either of us would like to. But that doesn’t mean we should give up altogether.”

“I think we should part ways,” Sabina says.

His eyes widen.

“We started off as business partners, but let’s be honest. We’re hardly fifty-fifty. You’re footing the bill for everything,” she says. “Our trips. Our purchases. Our bribes. You’ve even started paying my bills, covering my living expenses. We can’t be equals if the contributions aren’t equal. You give everything, but I have nothing to give in return.”

“If you think I’m mad about the money, you’re mistaken. I’ve told you before, money isn’t a problem.”

“You keep saying that!” Sabina runs a hand through her hair, ruining the perfect curls. “I appreciate the help, I really do, but I feel like I’ve become far too indebted to you. If we don’t find Avery’s treasure, I’ll never be able to pay you back for everything.”

“You don’t need to pay me back,” he says.

“Rafe—”

“I don’t financially support you because I want you to feel like you’re in my debt,” he says. He reaches out for her hand, but freezes, unsure. “I do it because I believe in you.”

“You’re sucking up to me,” she smiles.

“I do it because I need you,” Rafe gently wraps his fingers around her arm, turning her to face him. “I want you to be in this with me.”

Sabina blinks, confused by the hint of longing in his voice.

“I care for you, Sabina. I’m in love with you,” he says.

She freezes, processing his words.

“You’re not a burden to me. You’re brilliant, one of the most intelligent women I’ve ever met. And despite every terrible that that has happened to you, you still manage to show kindness. You are caring, protective of those close to you.” Rafe pauses, taking a breath. “When we were in Columbia, when you almost—”

Died. 

The pair had gone to the country just a couple of months prior to investigate a cave with a potential lead. While examining the markings carved into the stone, Sabina had set off a trap, triggering an explosion. Rubble had fallen down near the exit, blocking her inside and separating her from Rafe. Moments later the cave was flooding. Desperate, Rafe and Sabina pushed and pulled at the debris, trying to make a big enough hole for her to slip through. As her lungs began to fill up with the water, she started to lose consciousness. Rafe had managed to pull her through a gap, just before she had blacked out completely.

“I realized how much you mean to me,” Rafe continues. “I want a life with you.”

Without a moment to waste, Sabina grips onto Rafe’s tie and pulls him closer. She presses her lips against his, overwhelmed, but attempting to convey all of her emotions in the act. Sabina moves her hands to rest one against his neck. The other travels to the back of his head, allowing her fingers to clutch onto the short strands of his hair.

He wanted her.

He loved her.

And in this moment, he needed her, with or without the treasure.

Rafe pulls her into his arms, flush against his body. His nails dig into the satin, longing to instead feel the bare flesh beneath the fabric. His kiss is eager, desperate, intense, yet too gentle at the same time. Sabina can sense that he wants to feel more of her and it’s something that she’ll happily give.

December 2015

The sound of splitting wood and crashing debris echoes in the rainforest, originating from Nadine’s last known location. Rafe and a couple of the Shoreline mercenaries were hot on her heels, rushing to get to the Nate before he could slip away again. Trailing behind, Sabina struggles to keep up with the men, but her short legs can only do so much.

“…forget about her! We gotta get out of here before they—”

The man’s voice comes to abrupt stop when Rafe runs out of the ruined buildings of Libertalia and into the open. Rafe raises a gun, pointing it at the men in front of him. The two mercenaries follow suite, also aiming their weapons at the targets.

“Shit. Whoa, whoa, whoa,” the man says, alarmed. “Everybody just… just calm down, okay?”

Nearly gasping for air, Sabina approaches the exit.

“Well, this is interesting,” Rafe says. “Nate. Samuel.”

Sabina halts, frozen by the name. Samuel? Who the hell is—

“Put your guns down!” A new voice yells. “All of you.”

Samuel?

The old sapphire ring on her right hand feels heavy on her finger. For years she hadn’t noticed the jewelry, burying away its significance in her life. Now it was the only thing her buzzing brain could focus on.

“No,” her husband responds.

“Rafe, this guy’s on edge,” Nadine says.

“Oh, don’t worry about him, Nadine.” Rafe takes a small step forward. “These guys don’t kill anyone in cold blood. It’s just not their style.”

“You willing to bet her life on that?” One of the men says.

With shaky steps, Sabina steps into the clearing. Her eyes focused on Shoreline’s targets. There, she sees Nate, looking exhausted and worried. He’s covered in dirt, dust, and droplets of sweat. To his left is Nadine: held hostage, gun to her head. And there, holding the gun, is a familiar, but aged, face. The face of a dead man, of a man that she hasn’t seen in fifteen years. A man that she had shed countless tears for, before she had forced herself to lock away her memories of him, to bury him deep, deep in the back of her mind.

“Sam?” The name is whispered through her lips, ignored by everyone.

“Go ahead then,” Rafe says. “Shoot her.”

“Sam,” Nate warns.

“I die, you both die,” Nadine says.

“So be it,” Sam hisses into her ear. “Not another step!”

“You mean… like this?” Rafe takes another step forward.

“Sam, put the gun down!” Nate says.

“I warned you.”

“Do it!” Rafe taunts.

Nadine shouts, “Rafe!”

Just as Sam’s finger begins to press down on the trigger, Nate rushes towards him. He shoves the gun upwards, away from Nadine. 

The sound of a gunshot rings in the air. 

And Nadine uses the opportunity to slam her elbow back into Sam’s stomach, allowing her to slip away from his hold.

“Wait!” Sabina screams, running towards the Drakes.

Nate holds the gun up in the air. “It’s done!”

“Hold your fire!” Rafe turns to yell at the mercenaries, holding up his arms. “Don’t shoot!”

Sabina rushes to Sam’s side. He’s hunched over, stunned from Nadine’s blow. “Oh, my god,” she says. “Sam?”

The man lifts his head to look at her. “Bina? What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” She asks. “What are you doing here?”

“Nate, put the gun down,” Rafe says. “Sabina, what are you doing?”

She ignores him.

Nadine picks up the gun. “Don’t worry, Nadine. It’s not their style,” she quotes, walking passed Rafe.

“What can I say?” Rafe replies. “I didn’t think he had it in him.”

“I don’t understand—I thought—Sam—”

“It’s complicated, but I’m here,” he responds. He lifts his right hand to brush the back of his fingertips against her cheek. “I missed you.”

“Sam—”

“Jesus, will somebody go get her?” Rafe addresses the mercenaries.

The man to Rafe’s right approaches Sabina, gun still trained on Sam. He grabs onto her arm, attempting to pull her away from the older Drake.

“Don’t touch her!” Sam yells. But when the mercenary points the barrel of the gun directly into his face, Sam stops protesting.

Rafe steps forward, approaching the Drakes. “Samuel. You okay?” He reaches forward to brush off some of the dust on the man’s shoulders. “I guess you knew this moment was coming, huh?” Rafe slams his handgun across Sam’s face, knocking him down onto the ground.

“Hey!” Nate says. “C’mon, man. You got us. Take it easy.”

Rafe reaches for Sabina, pulling her away from the mercenary. With a firm grip on her arm, he positions her to stand slightly behind himself.

“C’mon now,” Nate says. “You’re a businessman. Let’s just… work out a deal.”

“Oh, a deal,” Rafe says. “Oh, yeah, I’d love to hear what you have in mind.” He takes a step forward, pulling Sabina with him, and then kicks Sam in the face.

“Rafe!” Sabina snaps.

“Oh, you can go ahead,” Rafe says to Nate. “I’m listening.”

“Alright, just… alright,” Nate leans down to help Sam stand back up. “Look, you wanna find Avery’s treasure? We’ll help you find it.”

“And in exchange, I let you live?”

“Yeah,” Nate hesitates. “That and a small cut.”

Rafe laughs. “The gauchos on this guy.”

“Just enough to get him freedom, okay?”

“His freedom?”

“Nathan—” Sam says.

“Yeah,” Nate interrupts. “He did hard time. Our time. And the guy who broke him out, Hector Alcazar, he owes him a lot of money.”

“Whoa, what the hell are you talking about, Nate?” Rafe says. “Hector Alcazar died in a shootout in Argentina like six months ago. I’m the one that got Samuel out.”

Sabina frowns, confused, and turns her head to look at her husband.

Nate looks over at Sam, before turning his attention back to Rafe. “What?”

“Oh,” a look of realization shines on Rafe’s features. “Wow. What did he tell you? Sam, what kind of story did you cook up? Alcazar? Really? You lied? You lied to your baby brother?”

“We’re wasting time,” Nadine says.

“Just a second,” Rafe responds. “Thing is, Nate, I never stopped looking for Avery’s treasure. I just kept running into these dead ends,” he chuckles, “you know? And then I heard that our dear ol’ Samuel Drake, an authority on Avery—is alive and somewhat well. There was no breakout. I bribed the prison warden and your brother waltzed right out the front gate. He spent the last two years tracking down the second Saint Dismas cross. And you know what? He did it all with me.”

Sabina opens her mouth to speak, “Two years—”

“No,” Nate says.

“Oh, yeah.”

“No, that’s bullshit!”

“Oh, Sam?” Rafe turns his direction towards the man. “Care to refute?”

He sighs. “Nate…”

“Aw, Sam… Ah, Jesus, no, no…”

Sam takes a step closer to his brother. “Listen, Avery’s treasure was ours,” he says. “It was always ours.”

“No!” Nate yells. “I left my life for you!”

“Hey, look, look, Nate,” Rafe says, laughing. “If it’s any consolation, he duped me, too. He pulled a Houdini on me. He brought you and that old man back into the mix. And I cannot lie, Sam, that really pissed me off. But you know… all behind us now.”

“You don’t deserve it,” Sam says.

“You do? Last I checked we’re all a bunch of thieves, digging around where we shouldn’t.”

Nadine approaches the bickering men, “Rafe.”

“What?”

“One way or another, end it,” she says. “Or I will.”

Rafe nods. “Well, you heard the lady,” he says, aiming his gun at Sam.

“Wait,” Sabina says. “Don’t—”

“Hey,” Nate says. “You miss one clue and you can kiss that treasure goodbye. You said it yourself: you keep running into dead ends. Why don’t you face it, Rafe. You need us.”

“Rafe, put the gun down,” Sabina says.

He ignores her, eyes focused on the Drake brothers. “Yeah, you’re right,” Rafe says, lowering the gun. He pauses for a moment, before continuing, “You’re half right. I just need Sam.” Rafe raises the gun again, pointing it at Nate.

Sabina pulls her arm out of Rafe’s grip and rushes forward to stand in front of the Drakes. “Don’t,” she yells.

“Honey,” Rafe sighs. “I need you to step out of the way.”

Sabina shakes her head. She holds her arms out to her sides, as if her small frame could shield the two men. “I can’t do that,” she says.

“Bina,” Sam reaches for her shoulder.

“Don’t even think about touching my wife,” Rafe says, aiming the gun at him.

“Put the gun down!” Sabina says.

“You’re really going to defend them,” her husband scoffs. “You’re picking these two assholes over me, your husband?”

“It’s not about picking sides,” Sabina says. “And why should I side with you anyway? You’ve known Sam has been alive, all of this time? And you didn’t think to tell me? Why? Why would you do that?”

“It’s complicated,” he says.

“Then explain it to me.”

“You talk in your sleep,” Rafe sighs and lowers the gun.

“Okay? So?”

“You say all sorts of things, you know,” Rafe takes a cautious step forward. “You reenact your memories, your nightmares. You relive all of those traumatic moments that you keep buried. You’ve screamed about your parents, screamed about the night of their murder. And you cry about… him,” he says, glancing at Sam. “You regret Panama, regret not pushing harder at looking for an alternative plan. You regret not telling me what he meant to you.”

“I—”

“But one day you stopped,” Rafe says. “I didn’t tell you about Sam because I thought that you had finally finished grieving his death. I didn’t want you to go through that all over again.”

Sabina relaxes her arms. “How dare you make that choice for me,” she says.

“It’s not like he ever bothered to search for you. He didn’t even tell his own brother he was alive,” Rafe says. “What makes you think that he would’ve bothered to see you, Sabina? If he had never betrayed me, we wouldn’t all be here right now. Not like this. You might have gone the rest of your life believing that Sam had died in that prison.”

Sabina swallows a lump in her throat. Her heartbeat is racing, pounding against her chest. She angles her body to look at Sam.

He avoids her gaze, turning his eyes down towards the ground.

An admission of guilt?

Rafe takes another step forward. “I lied to you, I’ll admit that.” He extends a hand in her direction. “But I didn’t do it out of malice. Step away from them, honey. We can find the treasure. We will find the treasure.”

“I don’t care about that,” she says. “You lied to me.”

“I never did it with the intention of hurting you,” Rafe says. “But I promise you that I won’t make that mistake again.”

“How can I trust you?”

"We’re partners, remember? Not just for this treasure, but in life.”

“Please,” Sabina says. “Don’t hurt them.”

“Everything is going to be okay, honey.”

Hesitant, Sabina reaches forward, placing her hand on top of Rafe’s open palm. 

“Bina, don’t,” Sam says.

Rafe steps closer to his wife, pulling her into a tight hug. “That’s my girl,” he says, eyes focused on Sam.

Sabina digs her nails into the back of his shirt and buries her face into his chest.

With one arm wrapped around his wife, Rafe aims his gun at Nate. “Back to business then.”

“Wait,” Sabina tries to pull herself out of his hold, but Rafe’s grip is firm. “You promised—”

“Wait now,” Nate says. “You’re making a mistake, you got—”

“Rafe, don’t!” Sam steps forward, partially blocking Nate. “Rafe, don’t, don’t, listen I—”

Ignoring their pleas, Rafe fires the gun. The shot misses Nate, but hits Sam in his left arm. The impact of the bullet sends him stumbling backwards, causing him to bump into Nate. Less than a moment later, Nate disappears, falling off the edge of the cliff.

“Nathan!” Sam yells.

Rafe turns to look at Nadine and the mercenaries. “Take him,” he orders.

February 2002

A morning glow peaks in through the curtains, illuminating the couple tangled beneath the bedsheets. Sabina whines at the touch of light and hides her face beneath the covers. Beside her, Rafe shifts, awoken by the movement. His hand brushes against Sabina’s naked back, fingers trailing along the curve of her spine.

“Good morning,” he says.

“No,” Sabina mumbles, “go back to sleep.” She buries her face into his chest.

Rafe chuckles. “You know that I’d love to do that.”

“Don’t argue. Just sleep.”

He places a hand on top of the one Sabina is laying on his chest. Rubs his thumb across the tops of her fingers. “But I have business meetings I can’t postpone any further,” he says.

“Give me the handcuffs,” she says. “I’ll chain you to the bed.”

“Are you sure?” Rafe pushes the cover away from her face. “You seem to enjoy wearing them more than I do.”

  “I’m not the one who plans on leaving.”

He cups her cheek and pulls her into a kiss. “If I keep postponing, they’ll walk away completely.”

“Fine,” Sabina pouts.

Rafe recaptures her lips. He grabs onto her hips and coerces her to lay down on her back. When he moves to hover above her, Sabina wraps her legs around his waist and pulls him against her body.

“You know that I love you, right?” Rafe says.

Sabina nods, pulling him in for another kiss.

But he pulls away, choosing instead to look at her flushed cheeks. Rafe smiles and brushes the loose strands of hair away from her face. He rolls off of her and opens the drawer in the beside table.

Sabina sits up in the bed, alarmed. “What’s wrong?”

Rafe turns back towards her. “Marry me,” he says, holding up a small black velvet box.

She blinks up at him, processing the words that are swimming around in her discombobulated head. “What did you say?”

As he takes a nervous breath, he pulls back the lid of the box. “Will you marry me?”

Sabina’s eyes focus on the object inside, a ring. 

A pear-shaped diamond, set on a sleek white gold band. 

“You want… to marry me?”

“I do,” Rafe frowns. He’s hurt, confused by her response. “I love you. There’s no one in the world I would rather be with.”

Sabina reaches for the box, pulling it out of Rafe’s hand. “But the treasure,” she says, “we haven’t found Avery’s treasure yet. What if we never find it? Would you still want to be with me?”

“Yes,” he responds. “I don’t want to marry the treasure. I want to marry you.”

“Okay,” she whispers. Sabina sniffles, overwhelmed by emotion. But there’s a twinkle in her watering eyes and a small smile on her swollen lips. “Yes,” she says. “Yes!” She throws herself onto Rafe, knocking him down onto the bed, and peppers him with feverish, giddy kisses.

December 2015

The moment Sam had revealed where the treasure was, still on Avery’s ship, Rafe gathered together some of the Shoreline men. Using the distraction, Sabina approaches the mercenary that has been assigned to keep an eye on the Drake brother.

“Jonas, right?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he says.

She tilts her head in Sam’s direction. “If you let me speak with him alone, I’ll wire five thousand dollars into your bank account.”

He pauses, mulling over the offer. “Gotta be honest with ya, I’m not sure if dealing with your husband’s temper is worth that price.”

“Ten thousand.”

“Fifteen.”

“Sure,” Sabina shrugs. “It’s his money anyway.”

“Try to be quick about it, yeah?” Jonas steps out of the way, allowing her to slip inside of the small alcove.

Hearing the approaching footsteps, Sam looks up at his guest. His hands are bound, tied tightly with rope. The gunshot wound in his arm is bandaged, but splotches of blood have seeped through the gauze. He sighs, leaning back against the stone wall. “Bina,” he greets.

“Hey, Sam,” she says. She sits down on the floor, away from his reach. “So… I’m not sure on how to go about this discussion. My kind-of-ex-boyfriend coming back from the dead isn’t a scenario that I was ever prepared for.”

“Listen, I—”

“Were you going to tell me?” She interrupts. “Were you ever going to let me know that you were still alive?”

He sighs. “I thought about you, all the time. But I didn’t think that I was ever gonna get out of there. And then, when I did, well, Rafe was the one pulling those strings. Thirteen years had gone by. I figured that you had already moved on.”

“Well, you weren’t wrong,” Sabina admits. “I did get married—”

Sam laughs, a cynical chuckle. “You sure did, huh? Married Rafe. Could’ve picked anyone in the whole world, but you picked him.”

“I don’t have to justify my actions to you,” she says. “What was I supposed to do? Dwell on you for the rest of my life? Stay single, alone forever? I thought you were dead. How could you have expected me to wait for someone who wasn’t coming back?”

“You didn’t have to pick him,” Sam mutters.

“I didn’t have to, but I did! I wanted him. And I knew that he wanted me.” Sabina pauses, using the moment to calm herself down. “‘After we find the treasure, run away with me.’ That was your pseudo-proposal, word for word.”

“I remember,” he says.

“When Rafe asked me to marry him, there was no caveat,” she says. “He simply wanted me. It wasn’t all or nothing. I wasn’t part of a package deal.”

Sam frowns. “I wasn’t trying to imply that you were.”

“Sam,” Sabina shakes her head. “If you had never gotten trapped in that prison, if you had made it out of Panama with Rafe and Nate, do you really think that we would still be together?”

“I—I don’t know,” he says. “I’d like to think that we would be.”

“I think you would’ve left me,” Sabina says.

“What? Why would you think that?”

“For two decades, all you’ve thought about is that treasure. You didn’t even tell Nate that you were alive. You kept him in the dark, then you lied to him. If tracking down your brother isn’t one of the first things you do once you’ve gained your freedom, then where am I on that list?”

“Things were complicated.”

“Not nearly as complicated as you pretend them to be,” she says. “You’re just a selfish asshole. You don’t care that you’ve hurt people, betrayed them, let them down.” Sabina sits up on her knees and reaches for the back pocket of her pants. She pulls out a pocket knife and flips it open.

“Hey,” Sam says, doing his best to inch away from her. “Bina, I know you’re upset. But you don’t need to do this.”

She wraps her fingers around his bound hands and pulls him towards her. “I’m such an idiot,” she mutters. Sabina saws her knife through the rope, breaking the binds.

“What—”

“I love Rafe, I do,” she says. “But once, I think I loved you. I cared about you, at least. I might be a bit pissed off at you right now, but I won’t stand by while Rafe holds you captive. Just get out of here.”

Sam holds onto her hands and leans towards her. “Come with me,” he says.

“I can’t,” she whispers.

“You know what kind of man he is,” he says. “You deserve better.”

Sabina shakes her head, frowning. “I’m not sure if you’re much better.” She pulls herself away from him. “None of us are who we used to be. Rafe and I have our problems, but when we work, we work. I won’t deny that things have been a bit strained, lately. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t fix our marriage. I won’t throw all of this away for you. Not anymore.”

Sam nods his head, a grimace on his lips.

“Just so you, I’m glad you’re alive,” Sabina says.

“I’m sorry. For everything.”

“I know,” she says. “Okay,” Sabina stands up. “Right. I need you to punch me or something.”

“What?” Sam says, also moving to stand up.

“Well, we need to stage your escape,” she says.

“Can’t I just walk out of here?”

“I paid off the guard. It’ll look suspicious if you disappear after I leave.”

“I’m not going to punch you,” Sam says.

“Just punch me! Then take out the guard.”

“Bina—”

“Sam,” she hisses. “For once in your life, just listen to me. We don’t need to argue about everything.”

“Oh, my god,” he groans. “Why does your plan involve me punching you in the face?”

“What—I never told you to punch my face.”

“Jesus Christ—”

“Is that where you wanted to punch me?”

“That’s not what I meant—”

“Maybe I should punch you in the fucking face,” Sabina says, taking a step towards him.

“Whoa, whoa, hold on,” Sam says, holding his hands up in front of him. “I’m just saying that—”

“Oi,” a voice interrupts.

Sam and Sabina turn to look at the entrance.

Jonas the Mercenary stands there, gun pointed in Sam’s direction. “What’s going on here? You untie him?”

“Jonas,” Sabina says. Her eyes flicker over to Sam, before focusing again on the mercenary. “Thank god you’re here! Samuel was… threatening me. Said that he would kill me if I didn’t cut the rope.”

“That so?” He takes a few steps forward. “Guess we should tie him back up.”

“Right,” she agrees.

“Go stand by the door,” he says. “I’ll bind him.”

Sabina throws one last glance at Sam, before heading towards the exit. Just as she walks passed the mercenary, she slams her foot into the back of his knee, knocking him off-balance. Sam rushes forward and pulls the assault rifle out of Jonas’ hands. Using the grip of the gun, he slams it across the man’s face, leaving him dazed and gasping on the ground. For good measure, Sam hits the mercenary again, breaking his nose.

“Go,” Sabina says.

Sam looks at her, opens his mouth to tell her something.

“Go! Get out of here.”

“Thank you,” he says. Without another moment to spare, Sam sprints out of the alcove.

Sabina gives him a head start. She waits for thirty seconds, before making her move. Clutching a fake bruise on her side, she stumbles out of the alcove, yelling at the top of her lungs. “Help! I need help! Rafe!”

A couple of mercenaries run towards her. “What’s going on?”

“I—I don’t know,” she says, gasping for air. “It all happened so fast—oh, my god, Jonas—Jonas is in there.”

“Sabina?” Rafe says, running towards her. “Honey, what happened?”

“Sam! He—he escaped!”

He directs his gaze to the mercenaries. “Find him,” he says.

“I’m sorry,” Sabina says. “I tried to stop him, but I couldn’t and he—he had a gun. I didn’t know what to do.”

Holding the sides of her face in his hands, Rafe leans down to press a kiss on her forehead. “It’s okay, honey. Are you okay? Did he hit you?”

“I got tangled up in the fight,” she says. “But I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, good,” he says, nodding. “He’s probably heading for the treasure. We need to go catch up.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“We are so close. We’re practically right there. Just need to beat him to it.” Rafe grabs onto her hand, pulling her along with him.

They rush down the tunnel, heading for where the boats are docked. As they enter the area, Sam is driving away with one of the boats. Rafe drags Sabina towards Nadine, whom is loading up a boat with treasure.

“Sam just stole our goddamn boat,” Rafe says. “He’s headed for Avery’s ship. Come on.”

“Let him,” she says. “We’re done.”

Rafe looks at her, confused. “We’re done?”

“Most of my men are dead, Rafe. And those who aren’t have already left.”

“Can you see that?” Rafe asks, pointing in the direction of Avery’s ship. “The end is literally in sight.”

“That maniac pirate of yours has rigged this entire cave. I’m not setting foot on his ship.”

“Nadine, if you cut and run right now, the loss of all your men—everything that we’ve done—is for nothing.”

Nadine points to the raft on her left. “We have millions in gold, right here. I’d say that, plus our lives, is something.” She steps around Rafe, moving to finish getting the raft ready for departure.

“No wonder so many of your men abandoned you,” Rafe says.

Nadine turns to look at him. “Excuse me?”

Sabina glances at the mercenary standing behind her, alerted by the sound of him adjusting his grip on his gun.

Rafe steps away from her, approaching Nadine. “We’re on the verge of making history here, and you’re willing to just walk off with a pittance, a fraction what Sam’s gonna get from that boat.”

“If he can walk away from that ship alive, he can have it,” Nadine says. “Hell, I’d say he’s earned it. God knows you didn’t.”

A moment of stillness, and then—

Rafe slaps Nadine across her face. “Now look,” he says, following another brief pause. “We can stand here and insult each other all day, or we can finish what it is that we—”

Nadine interrupts him, slamming her fist into his stomach. She shoves Rafe onto the ground and then aims her pistol at him.

“Rafe!” Sabina rushes to his side.

“Oh,” Nadine yells, “we’re finishing it all right—” The sound of a gun being cocked pulls her attention away from the man.

“Sorry, ma’am,” the mercenary says, with his gun aimed at her.

Sabina helps Rafe onto his feet, double checking him for any other injuries.

“Yeah… the thing about mercenaries, Nadine,” he says. “Their loyalty, it’s bought. It’s not earned. Now, come on. Either we finish this thing together, or we can just end it right here.”

Sabina lifts her eyes, meeting her gaze with the other woman. “Just get in the boat, Ms. Ross,” she says. “Please, nobody else needs to die right now.”

Nadine glances down at her weapon, before slowly lowering it. “Let’s go make history,” she says, tucking the gun away.

“Atta girl,” Rafe says, gesturing towards the boat.

When Sabina and Nadine make eye contact once again, Sabina mouths, “I’m so sorry.”

Nadine holds her gaze for a moment, before climbing into the boat.

September 2002

Growing up, she had never imagined what her wedding might look like. She had never pictured her dress, the venue. She had never thought about who would be waiting for her at the end of the aisle. Getting married had always seemed like an event that would be too extravagant and… depressing. She had no one to walk her down the aisle. No family to invite. Her friendships had always been rather brief, dependent on where she was traveling and if they could help her get what she was looking for.

People kept telling her that her wedding would be one of the happiest days of her life.

Yet, she had never felt so isolated from everyone.

Standing on a raised platform, Sabina stares at her reflection in the large trifold mirror. Her head feels heavy, stuffed full with curled extensions that are pulled up into an intricate bun. Her lace cathedral veil is pinned into place, once again. In her nerves, Sabina has already tugged it out of position five times. The strings of her corset are pulled tight, constricting her ability to breathe. She wants to tear them out, wants a breath of fresh unrestrained air, but it’s too late for that now. Fiddling with her diamond ring, Sabina resists the urge to smooth down the organza fabric of her dress.

When she had first put on the ivory off-the-shoulder ball gown, she had felt like a fool, like she was undeserving of the dress. The fabric was covered in thousands of crystals, each of which were carefully positioned by hand. The crystals were arranged in complex floral designs and placed beneath a layer of organza. This dulled their shine, creating the softer, ethereal sparkling effect that Sabina had wanted. But still, she had felt that this dress was too glamorous.

Upon seeing her, Rafe’s mother had surprised her with tears. Telling her that the dress was perfect, made for her. And in that moment, Sabina had also cried. Was this how her own mother would have reacted? Would she be in agreement with Mrs. Adler? Or would she have longed to see Sabina in a different silhouette? Marrying a different man?

“Miss Hewitt,” the wedding planner’s voice captures her attention. “I don’t want to rush you, but we are behind schedule. Your groom is starting to get a bit nervous.”

“Ten more minutes,” Sabina says.

“Miss Hewitt,” she sighs. “Your guests have already been waiting for an hour.”

Sabina shakes her head. Subconsciously, her fingers grasp onto the edge of her veil. “Just give him ten more minutes,” she says. “He’ll be here.” And once again, the material is pulled out of place.

The woman frowns, giving Sabina a pitying look. “I understand that you want him to walk you down the aisle, Miss Hewitt.” She snaps her fingers at the hair stylist, prompting them to get up and work on resecuring the veil. “However, Mr. Drake didn’t show up for the rehearsal yesterday.”

“Maybe he mixed up the times,” Sabina says. “Or… Or he’s stuck in traffic.” She winces when the stylist stabs her scalp with one of the pins.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think he’s coming.”

The door to the dressing room opens and an older woman steps into the room. With her red lips pulled into the slightest hint of a frown, she asks, “Is something wrong?”

“Mrs. Adler,” the wedding planner greets. “Miss Hewitt has been insisting that we wait for Nathan Drake’s arrival, even though I have told her several times that it is extremely unlikely that he will be in attendance.”

Sabina sighs, closing her eyes. “Just ten more minutes,” she says, before taking a deep breath. “I just want ten more minutes.”

“Miss Hewitt—”

“Give her the ten minutes,” Mrs. Adler says. When her eyes settle on Sabina’s reflection, the sharp contours of her face soften. “I would like a moment of privacy with Sabina.”

Without further instruction, the wedding planner, the hair stylist, and the makeup artist all hurry out of the room. The bridesmaids, dressed in mauve colored chiffon gowns, are quick to follow.

“Are you okay?” Mrs. Adler approaches the bride, taking great care to avoid stepping on the much-too-long train of her dress.

Sabina opens her mouth to speak, but the words are caught in her throat. Instead, she rests her hands against her stomach, hoping to appease the stabbing sensations coming from inside.

“A wedding can feel overwhelming,” the woman says. “I was a mess for my own day. In my heart, I knew that I was marrying the right person, but I still had my doubts. I had a bit of a freakout, myself. Locked myself in a bathroom, for half an hour, and debated about the pros and cons of marriage. It’s okay to be nervous, Sabina. Most brides are. But I wonder if there is something else bothering you, something beyond nerves.”

Sabina swallows a lump in her throat.

“Your life has been deprived of a mother figure,” Mrs. Adler continues. “If it’s alright with you, I can be that figure for you. You are family now, my dear. You can talk to me. I will listen.”

“God, there’s just so many people here,” Sabina gasps.

“Rafe was a bit generous with the guest list,” Mrs. Adler agrees. “Is that why you’re upset?”

“To be honest,” Sabina says. “I’ve never put much thought into a wedding. I never imagined that I would be walking into a room full of hundreds of strangers. Everyone is here for Rafe, aren’t they? They’re not here for me. I’m just a show.”

“Tell me why you are here.”

The bride frowns, confused. “To get married.”

“Then you are here for Rafe,” Mrs. Adler says. “Not for your guests. And Rafe, Rafe is here for you. He is waiting at the end of the aisle,” she smiles, “for you. Forget about the people who have come to watch. The truth is that most of them are not really here for Rafe. They are here to keep up appearances, to maintain a good impression. When you reach the end of the aisle, you will forget all about those strangers.”

Sabina turns to look at the woman and gives her a small smile. “Thank you,” she says.

“I have a gift for you,” Mrs. Adler says. She reaches for wrist, unclasping a gold bracelet lined with rubies. “I was planning to give it to you after the ceremony, as a little ‘welcome to the family’ gift, but I think that it would be better for you to have it now.” The woman reaches out for Sabina’s left hand, pulling it towards her, and then secures the jewelry around the wrist.

“It was my mother’s,” Mrs. Adler continues. “She gave it to me on my wedding day. And now I continue that tradition and give it to you.”

“Mrs. Adler—”

“Gemma. Call me Gemma.”

“Thank you, Gemma.”

“I will give you a few minutes to compose yourself,” Gemma says. “Wipe away those tears, yes?”

Sabina nods.

Just moments after Rafe’s mother exits the dressing room, the door reopens.

“Holy shit,” a man says. “Look at you.”

Through the reflection in the mirror, Sabina sees him. She gasps and turns to look at the man, “Sully?”

“Hey, there, kiddo,” he says, approaching her. “You know, I had a feeling you would be a stunning bride, but you’ve exceeded my expectations.”

“It’s the dress,” she replies. “A forty-seven thousand dollar custom made gown.”

“That’s some serious cash,” Sully whistles. 

“This is just the ceremony gown. The reception dress is even more.” Sabina shakes her head. “I can’t even believe I’m wearing something so expensive.”

“You are marrying Rafe. Did you expect anything less?”

“I’m glad you’re here, Sully,” Sabina smiles. “I wasn’t sure if you were going to make it. I know that you and Rafe are… far from friends.”

“I wouldn’t miss your wedding, kid,” he says. “But what are you still doing back here? Not that I don’t enjoy the sight, but you’re starting to make Rafe sweat out there.”

“I invited Nate,” she says. “God, I even asked him to walk me down the aisle.”

Sully nods, beginning to figure out the problem. “Nate’s not here, is he?”

“I think I always knew that he wouldn’t show,” the bride sighs. “I just wanted to be wrong. I know that he hates Rafe, but I thought that maybe—just maybe—he would show up for me.”

“He’s still coping,” Sully says. “Won’t even mention… Sam… nowadays.”

Sabina hums. “Me, too,” she admits. “Sully, am I crazy? Just two years ago, I was willing to drop everything and run off with Sam. And now I’m here, getting married to somebody else. What if I’m making a mistake? Maybe that’s why Nate’s not here? Maybe he thinks that I’ve forgotten about Sam or that I’m closing off that part of my life.”

“Hey,” Sully steps forward and holds onto Sabina’s hands. “No one blames you for moving on with your life. There’s nothing we can do to change what happened.”

“I know, but—”

“Do you love Rafe?”

“Yes.”

“And does he make you happy?”

Sabina nods.

Sully gives her a reassuring smile. “It’s okay to let go of Sam,” he says. “You deserve a life of happiness, especially after everything that you’ve been through.”

Before she can stop herself, the question spills through her lips. “Will you walk me down the aisle?”

“Of course,” Sully says.

“Thank you,” Sabina wraps her arms around the man’s neck, pulling him in for a tight hug.

December 2015

Heat tingles against her skin. 

Prickling. 

Stinging. 

As she breathes, she coughs. Her lungs are stuffed, filled with ashes. When Sabina is finally able to open her eyes, she sees a world of red. She blinks, trying to clear the blurriness of her vision. Sabina groans, rolling onto her back.

She hears a voice yelling for someone… yelling for… Sam?

“Hey, Nate,” a different voice says.

She turns her head to look for the source of the sound. Through the haze, she can see the outline of a man, her husband. In Rafe’s hand is a gun, raised and pointed in front of him.

The first voice replies, “Where is Sam?”

Sabina tilts her head, releases a gasp in pain, and looks at the other man. Nate has his own gunned pointed back at Rafe.

“Oh, he’s right there.” Her husband looks over to his left, where Sam is trapped and unconscious beneath a wooden beam.

“Sam!” Nate calls.

“Relax, he’s alive,” Rafe says. “You know, this idiot nearly got us all killed.”

Oh.

That’s right.

The explosion.

Sam… Sam had caused it, had—

“I’m getting him outta here,” Nate says.

“No, you’re not.”

“Rafe, you can have the treasure, alright? Just let me save my brother.”

Her husband laughs, shaking his head in disbelief. “After everything he’s done? How noble of you, but no.”

“We stay here any longer and we’re all dead,” Nate says. “Is that what you want?”

“That’s not what I said. What do you think, Nadine?”

The Shoreline leader steps in through the doorway and descends the short staircase. Her gun is pointed in Nate’s direction.

Sabina pushes her back off of the uneven wooden floor, moving into a sitting position. The back of her head is burning, throbbing. Pressing her fingertips into her hair, she winces when they make contact with an open wound that’s soaked in some sort of liquid. “Fuck,” she whispers. Sabina brings her hand in front of her face, stares at the warm blood coating her finger tips.

“Good to see you up and about,” Rafe says. “Be a dear and relieve Nate there of his gun.”

“Hand it over,” Nadine says, approaching Nate.

“You really think you can trust him? Huh?” Nate says.

“Not your concern.”

Ignoring the trio, Sabina crawls towards the unconscious Drake brother. “Sam,” she calls, shaking his shoulder. She tries to lift up the wooden beam that has him pinned down, but it doesn’t move. “Sam, wake up. Sam?”

“Now, why are you trying to instigate? Nate—” Rafe says, stepping closer to the mercenary. “Nadine and I are partners, I don’t screw over my partners.”

Nadine takes the gun out of Nate’s hand. Slowly, she starts to back away.

“Get over there,” Rafe orders, pointing his gun towards the other end of the room. “You and your brother though… Right from the start, you took advantage of my generosity. You tried to cut me out and it’s high time you learned—”

Nadine presses the barrel of her gun against the back of Rafe’s head.

“What are you doing?” He asks.

“Now you give me your gun,” she says.

“Sam,” Sabina whispers again. “C’mon, wake up.” She shakes him once more, more aggressive, more insistent. “I need your help.”

Sam’s eyelids twitch, but nothing else moves.

Rafe scoffs, “Nadine.”

She interrupts him with the cock of her gun. “I won’t ask you again.”

The man sighs, then surrenders the gun. “You are being profoundly stupid right now,” Rafe says. He steps away from Nadine and rubs the back of his neck.

“Look over there,” she says, indicating to her right.

“Nadine,” Rafe says, stepping closer to her. “Stop screwing around—”

The mercenary angles her gun down towards the floor, shooting a bullet between his feet.

Sabina screams at the noise, startled.

“Jesus!” Rafe yells.

“I said look!”

“Okay,” he says. Rafe glances over. “It’s a couple of skeletons. So what?”

“I don’t know as much about history as you boys,” Nadine says, “but I’ve got a pretty good idea who those two are.”

“Well,” Rafe says, “enlighten us.”

“It’s Avery and Tew,” Nate explains. “They killed each other.”

Rafe glances over at Nate. “Good for them. What’s the point?”

“Everyone obsessed with this treasure gets what they deserve,” Nadine says. She takes a step back, working her way back up the stairs.

“So what,” Nate calls. “You’re just leaving us here to die?”

“Oh, I’m just leaving,” she responds. “Whether you die or not, I don’t really care.”

“Nadine,” Rafe says. “Don’t.”

The mercenary ignores him, turning her gaze to focus on the other woman. “Sabina,” she says. “If you want to get out of here, come with me.”

“What?” Sabina lifts her head to look at Nadine.

“You don’t need to burn alive with all of these dickheads,” she explains.

“Are you kidding me right now?” Rafe chuckles. “You two have been fighting for weeks—”

“Shut up, Rafe,” Nadine says.

“—and now you wanna be best friends?”

Sabina shakes her head, unsure of what to do. “Nadine, I—”

“Make your choice. Now. I’m going to leave, with or without you.”

“I can’t—I can’t just leave them here,” Sabina says.

“You deserve better than this,” Nadine sighs. “Goodbye, Sabina.”

“Nadine,” Rafe says, moving towards her. “Wait—”

“So long, Rafe,” she says, before pulling the door shut and locking it.

“Nadine! Nadine!” He yells. Rafe slams his fists against the wood. “You open this goddamn door right now!”

“Rafe,” Nate shouts. “She’s gone!” He crouches down next to Sabina, eyes focused on the same wooden beam that she has been struggling to lift. “C’mon, give me a hand. We’ll all get out of here.”

“Oh, no,” Rafe says, pacing around in the corner of the room. “No, that won’t work.”

“I’ve been trying to wake him up,” Sabina looks over at Nate. “But he just hasn’t been responsive.”

“It’s okay,” Nate says, placing a comforting hand on Sabina’s forearm. “C’mon,” he calls to Rafe. “Help me with Sam and I’ll help you open the door.”

Together, Sabina and Nate attempt to life the beam, but struggle with the weight.

“No,” Rafe says.

“Rafe,” Sabina lifts her head to look at her husband. “For god’s sake, just help us.”

He reaches for a sword lodged into one of the skeletons and pulls it out. “I’m not going to be able to enjoy one of these coins, knowing that you and your worthless brother are still sucking air.”

Seeing the sword in Rafe’s hand, Nate stands up and starts to back away. “Alright,” he says. “Just… Just calm down. You can practice your fencing when we get outside.”

“Nate, just shut up,” Rafe says.

“What the hell are you doing?” Sabina says, standing up.

“Seriously, Rafe,” Nate says. “This is insane, even for you.”

“You want to hear insane? Nathan Drake raced a madman and his entire army to the steps of Shambhala.” Rafe takes a step forward and swings his sword at Nate.

“Jesus!” Nate curses, dodging the weapon.

“Nathan Drake found a lost city in the middle of the Rub’ al Khali desert.” Rafe swings the sword again. This time the blade slices through Nate’s shirt, breaking the skin of his chest.

Sabina takes a cautious step forward. “Rafe, please. Put the sword down.”

But the man ignores her, opting to attack Nate once again.

Nate leaps back, barely avoiding the blade. “God damn it—come on, we can get out of here together.”

“Nathan Drake discovered the fabled El Dorado.” Rafe lunges at Nate, swiping the blade twice at the man. With the second swing, the edge of the sword slices across Nate’s chest, leaving behind a new, shallow wound. Again, Rafe attempts to cut into the other man’s skin.

“C’mon Rafe, stop,” Nate says.

“Nathan Drake is a legend,” Rafe laughs. “You know, I shot the man who told me that.”

“Look, I get it. You don’t like me very much.”

“You know, for all your ‘greatness,’ Nate, you have nothing. You are nothing. And I warned you to get out of my way.”

“Stop it!” Sabina screams. She charges into Rafe, shoving him away from Nate. “Rafe, babe, I need you to calm down.”

Rafe hardly spares her a glance, instead moving to step around her.

“Please,” Sabina clutches onto his arm, a poor attempt to hold him back. “Don’t do this.”

He pulls his arm out of her grasp and pushes his wife away from him.

Losing her balance, Sabina stumbles and crashes into a pile of debris near Sam’s body. A jagged piece of metal pierces into the skin of her left arm, leaving her with long gashes. Blood spews out of the wounds, sliding down her flesh and onto the floor. She whimpers, pain pulsating throughout her body.

Eyes focused solely on Nate, Rafe is unaware of what he has caused. He swings the blade at Nate, leaving several more cuts on his chest and arms.

Dodging the sword, Nate grabs onto Rafe’s arm and punches him in the face with his free hand. With both hands firmly gripped onto the arm, Nate struggles to maintain control in the fight. He forces Rafe up against a wall, but Rafe slams his forehead into Nate’s, sending him stumbling backwards.

Rafe seizes the opportunity, pushing his opponent down onto the ground. Fighting against Nate’s resistance, Rafe attempts to shove the blade down into the man’s neck. “I have sacrificed everything to find Avery,” Rafe says. “And I’m not gonna let a couple of two-bit thieves, a senile con man, and a washed-up journalist take that away from me!”

“Enough!” Nate pushes back against Rafe, shoving the man off of him. He reaches to the right and wraps his fingers around the handle of another sword.

“You care about that parade of losers so much,” Rafe says, circling Nate. “I’m going to make sure they join you.”

Sabina presses her hand against the fresh wound, unsure of how to slow the bleeding. “Oh, fuck,” she mutters, “shit.” The liquid seeps through her fingers, mingling with the once drying blood of her head injury.

“En garde, dickhead,” Nate says.

“That’s the spirit,” Rafe smiles.

Nate lunges at him, slamming his sword at the man. The two blades clash against each other and Rafe jumps out of Nate’s reach. When Rafe swings his sword at Nate, the Drake brother rams his elbow into Rafe’s nose and then kicks him in the chest. Rafe stumbles back, hitting the wall behind him. Nate swings again, but this time Rafe kicks the man away from him. He takes a step forward, aiming to slice through Nate’s throat, but Nate blocks him just in time.

Starting to get dizzy, Sabina lays down on the floor. She lifts her wounded arm, forcing herself to take a better look at the cuts. Droplets of blood splatter against her cheeks.

Sabina closes her eyes.

Daddy!

She’s a little girl again, running into the outstretched arms of her father.

Daddy, you’re home!

She wraps her arms around his neck, nearly tackling him down into the ground.

Hey, sweetheart, he says. You should be asleep. He secures his arms around Sabina and lifts her up into the air.

No, she shakes her head. No, I missed you.

I missed you, too. He presses a kiss against her cheek. But you know that Daddy has a lot of work to do.

No, no more work.

Sweetheart—

Why do you always leave? I don’t want you to leave anymore.

Her father sighs. My work is important. I’m going to find something amazing, sweetheart. And when I do, I promise that I won’t ever have to leave you again.

Daddy, please—

Richard Hewitt collapses.

Becomes a bleeding corpse, staining the hardwood floors.

And young Sabina hides beneath the planks, her tiny hands covering her mouth. Eyes are wide, staring at the blood leaking through the cracks, the crevices. 

It splatters against her cheeks.

Why couldn’t you pick me?

“—Bina!”

Somebody is shaking her.

“Bina, open your eyes.”

When they press a hand against her cheek, Sabina leans into the warmth.

“C’mon, baby, wake up.”

She opens her eyes and smiles at the sight of a familiar face. “Sam?”

“Yeah,” he says. “I’m right here, but I need you to get up, okay? Nathan and Rafe are about to kill each other and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

“Nate… Rafe?” Sabina blinks at him, unable to fully comprehend the words. “What?”

“Bina—”

She tunes out his voice, focusing her attention to the burning warmth surrounding her. When she turns her head to the left, her eyes grow wide. The muddied thoughts in her head dissipate, cleared by the view in front of her.

Rafe swipes his sword against Nate’s stomach and cuts through the fabric of his shirt. He strikes him in the chest with his foot, knocking him down onto his back. Sword pointed at Nate’s throat, Rafe takes a step forward.

“You know what, Nate? Underneath all the bravado, you’re just a sad little boy with delusions—of grandeur… who, by the way, can’t fence for shit,” he says.

Sabina rolls onto her knees, then stumbles up onto her feet. “Wait—”

Rafe raises his sword, ready to end the fight. “So long, Nathan Drake.”

“Nathan!” Sam yells, attracting the attention of both men. He grabs the handle of the sword laying near him and tosses it in Nate’s direction.

Nate grabs it and strikes the blade across Rafe’s own.

“You don’t know when to give up, do you? That’s good,” Rafe says, between each swing of his sword. “Don’t hand it to me. I’ve had everything handed to me on a goddamn silver platter. Everything except this!”

Nate whips his sword in front of him to block another powerful strike, but Rafe’s blade breaks the metal.

“I earned this,” Rafe says. “All of it.”

September 2012

If you ask Sabina to picture her idea of romantic vacation, this is what she would tell you. A candlelit dinner at a truly exquisite, but probably overpriced, restaurant. Walking through the Paris streets, long after dusk. Sharing bottles of wine between giggling, messy kisses. Falling into a comfortable, happy slumber with the love of her life.

But getting everything that you want is impossible.

And for her tenth wedding anniversary, Sabina spends it without her partner. Drunk in her Parisian hotel room, staring at the blurry lights outside of her windows. Her cheeks are swollen. Eyes are puffy and dirty from smeared mascara and navy blue eyeliner. Brunette hair tangled and pulled up into a lopsided bun.

Rafe was supposed to be here. Was supposed to meet her in Paris over a day ago. But her husband had canceled, saying that an issue at work would require his immediate attention. Saying that he would make it up to her, whisk her away to a private island where no one could bother them.

She almost believes him.

When somebody knocks on the door to the suite, Sabina jumps off of the armchair and stumbles across the room. She throws open the door, and without a moment to pause, wraps her arms around the woman standing there.

Chloe Frazer. A fellow treasure hunter that she had met a couple of years ago. The two had become fast friends, bonding over a discussion about whether the treasure described in The Copper Scroll even existed. And if so, where it could possibly be.

“Oh,” the Australian woman says. “I’m happy to see you, too, love.”

Sabina’s words are slurred. “Chloe, I’m so… so happy you’re here.”

“C’mon, let’s get out of the hallway.” Careful, Chloe urges Sabina back through the door. Glancing around the hotel room, she sees shards of broken glass and puddles of red wine. Several partially consumed bottles lay flat on their sides, a source for many of the wine stains.

Sabina grabs onto one of Chloe’s hands and drags her to the dining table. “You must try this Caber… net Sau… Sauvig… non—Cabernet Sauvignon!” She picks up a bottle of wine and hands the whole thing to Chloe. “I must warn you, it’s very… very heavy on the cherry, but it is so good and… six hundred dollars?” Sabina laughs, “Wine is so expensive.”

Chloe grabs the bottle, notices that it is almost empty, and takes a sip. “Not bad,” she hums. “And how many bottles did you buy?”

“I don’t know,” she says. “A few. Maybe… ten.”

Mid-sip, Chloe chokes.

“It doesn’t matter,” Sabina continues. “It’s all Rafe’s fucking money anyway. He won’t even notice.”

“Can’t say I wouldn’t do the same, if I were you.”

Sabina picks up another bottle of wine and collapses onto the sofa. “I think he’s going to leave me,” she says.

Chloe frowns. “Why would you think that?”

“I think I’ve done something terrible.”

“Alright,” Chloe joins the woman on the couch. “Tell me what’s going on in that brain of yours.”

Sabina unclasps the chain around her neck and hands her medallion over to Chloe. “I solved it,” she says.

Chloe raises an eyebrow. “You… solved this?”

“Yes.”

“The mystery puzzle that you’ve been trying to solve for decades?”

“Yes.”

“Well,” Chloe takes another sip of wine. “I’m not sure how this is bad news, but we can come back to that. First, I wanna know how you solved it.”

“Right,” Sabina nods. She takes back the medallion and stands up.

The two women enter the bathroom, where Sabina tosses the medallion into the sink and then closes the drain. She downs a large gulp of wine, before pouring the rest of the contents into the sink.

After a couple of minutes, a dim light appears, glowing from the object. The wine in the sink moves in gentle waves, the liquid disturbed by something beneath the surface. Once the wine settles, Sabina reaches into the sink, retrieves the medallion, and sets it on the counter.

The object looks distorted, with portions of the gold metal jutting out of place. Many, but not all, of the symbols glow in a faint yellow color. The marking in the center, Avery’s sigil, is popped up and pushed away, revealing an inscription.

The treasure you seek will only bring death.

“How the hell did you figure that out?”

“I don’t… I don’t think it’s a clue,” Sabina says.

Chloe picks up on the woman’s train of thought. “You think it’s a warning.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you told Rafe?”

Sabina leans against the bathroom wall and slides down to sit on the ground. “No,” she says, with a sigh.

“Okay, I’ll bite,” Chloe says. She grabs the medallion, before joining Sabina. “Why not?”

“I think he’ll leave me.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because I want him to stop looking for it. I want him to let go of Avery’s treasure,” Sabina says. “If the warning is true, then I don’t want him to find it.”

“Have you tried telling him that?”

Sabina chuckles. “How do you tell someone to give up on the one goal that drives them to keep going every day? How do you tell them that you’re selfish and you need them to sacrifice their dream?”

Chloe sighs. “I don’t know,” she says.

“You know, I think I was in love with someone,” Sabina admits. “Before Rafe.”

“Oh?” Chloe turns to look at her.

“It was complicated,” Sabina pauses. She pushes strands of hair away from her face and blinks away the forming tears. “And I never really figured out my feelings.”

“Do you miss them?”

Sabina leans over to rest her head on Chloe’s shoulder. “He was also looking for Avery’s treasure,” she says. She takes the bottle of wine away from Chloe and drinks the remaining liquid. “It killed him. All he wanted wanted to do was find that treasure. Would’ve done anything for it. It’s strange, isn’t it? How all of the men in my life are obsessed with this stupid thing. I don’t think the question is if Rafe will die for this treasure. I think the question is when. When will Rafe join Sam and my father?”

“Tell him how you feel,” Chloe reaches forward, laying a comforting hand on Sabina’s knee. “He can’t read your mind.”

“What if he doesn’t want to listen?”

“Trying to force a man like Rafe to listen is probably impossible,” Chloe admits. “But if he really does love you, he will do so.”

“And if he doesn’t?” Sabina lifts her head to meet Chloe’s gaze. “If doesn’t love me?”

“Then maybe it’s time for you to move on, love.”

December 2015

Sabina slams her body into Rafe’s back. She wraps her arms around him, digging her nails into his chest. “No more,” she says, “let it go.” Rafe tries to pry one of her arms off of him, but Sabina tightens her grip. “I said stop!”

“No,” Rafe says. “I’m ending this. I’m taking what’s mine.”

“If you kill him,” Sabina takes a shallow breath. She still feels the wounds throbbing on her arm. Can still feel the blood oozing from the split skin, staining Rafe’s already dirtied shirt. “I will never forgive you.”

It’s subtle, but Rafe tenses at her words.

“If you kill him for this treasure,” Sabina continues, “then I will leave and you will never see me again.”

“Sabina—”

She buries her face into his back. “All of my life, I have never been enough. My father… Sam… they both picked the treasure. They both chose to leave me, no matter how much I begged them not to. And now you’re doing the same thing. But this time you found the treasure. It’s here—it’s in your grasp—and it’s still not enough for you. No, you can’t just have the treasure, can you? You want it all to yourself. All of the credit, the glory.”

“What are you talking about?” Rafe says. “This is ours. We worked for this."

“No,” Sabina shakes her head. “This is your moment, not ours. It stopped being ours years ago. You can’t have it all, Rafe. You can’t have me and the treasure, not like this. I love you, I do, but I can’t do this. I can’t stand by and watch you be consumed by your hatred and jealousy.”

Slowly, he lowers the blade.

“I want you to pick me,” she says. “For once in my life, I want somebody to choose me. Only me. Please, I don’t want to lose you. Don’t make me lose you. Don’t let me lose somebody else I love.”

Rafe releases his grip on the sword, dropping the blade. He reaches for her injured arm and, gently, pulls it away from his chest. A frown on his face, he examines the wound before turning around to look at her.

Sabina blinks up at him, relieved.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

Slightly dizzy, Sabina leans into his body, pressing her forehead into the croak of his neck. “I know,” she says. “I know.” Too weak to stand any longer, she fully collapses into Rafe.

“Hey,” Rafe says, grabbing onto her. “Hey, honey? Honey, you okay?”

“I—”

Her words are interrupted by an explosion.

And within moments, the burning room is flooded with water.

…

The world is warm, comfortable. A light breeze tickles her nose and cheeks. In the distance, a woman laughs and children giggle. Sabina opens her eyes to the view of sunlight beaming at her through an open window. Her eyes shift, just a sliver, over to the left.

Sam is sitting there, slightly hunched over in his chair. His eyes are focused down towards his hands, down at a ring held between his fingers.

The ring he had given her.

“Hey,” Sabina says. It barely comes out as a whisper.

Sam jerks his head up. “Bina?”

She blinks, beginning the process of waking up. And that’s when she realizes that this environment is unfamiliar to her. She’s surrounded by plain, white walls. And the smell of sanitizer fills her nostrils. “Where… where am I? Where’s Rafe?”

When she tries to sit up in the bed, Sam jumps out of his chair and places his hands on her stomach and shoulder. “You’re in the hospital,” he says. “Rafe had to step out, handle some of your paperwork, but he’ll be back soon.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. Don’t worry.”

“Wait,” Sabina says. “Are you okay? Is Nate okay? The—the explosion—oh, my god—”

“Everyone is fine, Bina. Just lay down.”

“But—”

“Lay down,” Sam says.

Sabina nods and relaxes back into the bed.

After taking a few deep breathes to calm her racing heart, she turns to look at Sam. “My ring,” she points at the object that’s still in his hands. “What…”

Sam sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “I didn’t think you would still have it,” he says. He leans forward, placing the ring on the bedside table. “Not after all of these years.”

“It was all I had left of you,” Sabina confesses. “I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it.”

Sam gives her a small smile.

“Besides,” she says, “it looks like you stole my birds."

He squints his eyes, confused. “What?”

The woman lifts her hand off the bed, pointing a finger at the birds tattooed on the left side of Sam’s neck.

“Oh, yeah,” he chuckles. A faint blush sprouts across his cheeks. “Yeah… Got it in prison. I didn’t know if I was ever going to see you again—I just—I thought it would be nice to have.”

“Nice to have, huh?”

“Your husband wasn’t too thrilled when he put the dots together.” Sam leans back in his chair, arms folded across his chest. “You know, matching tats and all. Wouldn’t shut up about how he’s married to you.”

“That sounds like Rafe,” Sabina laughs.

“Still can’t believe you’re an Adler now,” Sam says.

“Hewitt-Adler, actually. I hyphenated. Couldn’t quite let go of the family name, I suppose.”

Sam hums. “A lot changed when I was away.”

“Yeah,” Sabina agrees. “Things are different now.”

“Did you mean what you said at Libertalia?” Sam asks. “About us only being together because of Avery’s treasure?”

“Sam,” she whispers.

“Do you really believe that I would’ve just left you if we never found that treasure? Did you think that I didn’t love you?”

“Our relationship was… Everything happened so fast. It really was a bit of whirl-wind romance, wasn’t it?” Sabina says. “One day, I’m following a strange man into the dirtiest hotel room that I have ever seen. And then, with the blink of an eye, I’m having secret rendezvous with him whenever we can find an excuse to ditch his brother. Between chasing clues and traveling the world, where was the time for me to realize your feelings? How could I have known that you loved me? When you never told me those words? When it was clear that your priority would always be the treasure? I couldn’t compete with that, Sam.”

“Bina—”

“The answer,” she interrupts, “it was going to be yes. Yes, I would run away with you.”

Sam reaches out to hold Sabina’s hand. “I’ve never stopped thinking about you, Bina.”

“Answer me honestly, Sam,” she says. “Back on Avery’s ship, if you had been in Rafe’s place, would you have picked me?”

“Of course,” he responds, without hesitation. “Of course I would choose you.”

Sabina smiles at him, but her eyes are sad.

Longing to know what life would have looked like, had she been able to spend the past fifteen years with Sam.

“You have to let go,” she says. “The girl you love, it’s not the same person that I am now. You care about Sabina from fifteen years ago. The Sabina that… loved a life of adventure, with you. I think, if you had asked, she would have done anything for you. But the person you’re looking at now, she’s already let you go. I don’t know if I could love you again, not the way I used to, not the way you want me to.”

Sam sighs, “I know.”

“Hey,” she squeezes his hand. “We found the treasure, though. At least we accomplished something, even if it took a decade and a half.” Sabina turns her head to look at the beside table, focusing her gaze on the medallion. “I solved it, you know.”

“Really?” Sam raises an eyebrow and picks up the necklace. “When?”

“A few years ago.”

“What did it tell you?”

“Why don’t you keep it,” Sabina says. “Keep it and figure it out for yourself.”

“Are you sure? You parents—”

“Probably never even found it, if we’re being honest. I bet they stole it from someone. We’re all thieves, aren’t we?” She chuckles. “I’ve carried it around for so long, clutching onto terrible memories. I need to move on with my life. I don’t care what you end up doing with it, but please, just take it. I don’t want it, not anymore.”

Sam nods and slips the object into his pocket. “You gonna give me a hint on how to solve it?”

“You’re going to want a lot of red wine."

The door to the room slides open, startling them.

“Get away from her,” a voice growls.

Sam jumps away from Sabina, hands held up in the air. “Okay, okay,” he says. “Jesus, we were just having a conversation.”

“Rafe,” Sabina smiles and attempts to sit up.

“Hey there, honey,” he walks up to the side of her bed and reaches for her hand. Rafe turns his head to look at Sam. “You can go now.”

“Are you kidding me? She just woke up.”

“Yeah,” Rafe says, “and now that she’s awake, we don’t need you here.”

“Oh, come on—”

“Get out,” Rafe snaps.

“Alright,” Sam responds. “I’ll just… go outside for a smoke.”

When Sam exits the room, Rafe directs his attention back to Sabina. “You feeling okay? Does anything hurt?”

“You picked me,” she says, ignoring his questions. “I wasn’t sure if you would.”

“I told you that I wanted to be with you, didn’t I?” Rafe says. “That hasn’t changed. I realize now that I’ve neglected you, but I never meant to make you feel like you weren’t enough for me.”

“You’re not entirely to blame. I should’ve just told you how I felt.” Her breath hitches, and she whispers, “Maybe all of this could have been avoided.”

Rafe shakes his head. “I’m not sure if I would have listened to you at any other moment.”

“But in the end, you listened. And right now, that’s all that matters,” Sabina smiles.

Her husband sits down on the edge of the hospital bed. “Where do we go from here?” Rafe asks, pushing strands of hair away from Sabina’s face.

She hums, enjoying his touch. “Do you remember our wedding day? How we hid in the dressing room’s bathroom during the reception?”

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “You said you were so tired of talking to an endless parade of strangers.”

“They were all so boring,” she says. “And all they did was congratulate us, before trying to impress you with some bullshit story about their life. I remember being so desperate to get out of that dress.”

“God, I remember all the damn buttons on the back.”

“It took you forever to undo them! I thought I was going to be stuck in that thing for the rest of my life,” Sabina laughs. “It was a very pretty dress, though. A mermaid style. Lots of lace. Oh! And the detachable train. I think I liked it more than the dress I wore for the actual ceremony.”

“I was too busy looking at you,” Rafe admits. “I can’t really remember what the dresses look like anymore.”

“Oh, my god. And your mother!” Sabina exclaims, remembering the night. “Do you remember how we were in the bathroom for so long that she ran around trying to track us down?”

Rafe laughs, “And she almost walked in, right as I got the dress off.”

“I had to throw my body against the door to keep it shut. Told her that I just needed a few minutes to myself. And then she asked if I had seen you—”

“—And you told her that I was probably out in the gardens.”

“We escaped through a window, didn’t we?”

“Did we?”

“I think so,” she says. “When your mother left, we walked out of the bathroom. I told you that I wanted to leave, start the honeymoon a little early, so you pulled a robe off of one of the chairs.”

“And then we climbed through the window,” Rafe says, nodding his head. “And we sprinted to the car.”

“I don’t think your mother ever really forgave me for that.”

“I think she was more upset with me, to be honest.”

“We need to work on our marriage,” Sabina says. “No more lying. No more secrets. We need to be open, to communicate, like we used it. We used to have so much fun, didn’t we, babe? I think we can be those people again.”

“I think so, too,” he agrees.

“But first,” Sabina grabs the front of his shirt, pulling him towards her. Brushing her lips against his, she says, “Let’s go back to Copenhagen. Relive those honeymoon memories.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Rafe whispers.

a/n: thank you so much for reading this! if you enjoyed this work, please consider reblogging this story. i am a very small fanfic author and every reblog really does help in giving me exposure to potential new readers. however, i do also appreciate any likes or comments you’re willing to give.

again, this is not the end of the road for sabina, rafe, or sam! i have one-shots planned in the future, but currently there is no timeframe for when any of them will be posted. you may want to consider bookmarking the masterlist (linked near the beginning of this post), so you can check back in the future.

Twitter: VostaraFics

Ao3: Vostara

[spacemilkies]

gateau→  ; part i of iii

pairing: cal kestis x reader

word count: 2.5k+

summary: “So you had a Jedi as a roommate … that wont be a problem in the future or anything.”

a/n:  a bunch of new things to get me writing. all written at some ungoldly hour. this will probably be a three part series. something short and simple, based off the prologue with some background. hey, no song fic for once. i spent all day in this fandom. i feel ready. put me in coach.

                                                                    _______

“C’mon just this once, please.”

“Oh ho, no no. This is definitely not the first time.”

There was never a good reason for your roommate to visit you on the job. Not only were you stationed on opposite side of the station, you differing positions also lessened the opportunity for you to meet up without explicit reason. 

He was a rigger and you were a builder, simple as that. 

You refrained from lifting your mask, maintaining a sense of distance from the conversation as you continued to weld the two pieces of metal together. Maybe if you did your job hard enough he would eventually give up out of respect of your workload….

Who were you kidding.

A fiery shock of red hair crouched down next to you, apparently uncaring for the wayward sparks emitting from your torch. It was only when he dared to lean closer that you reluctantly cut the power out of concern for basic occupational safety. 

Flipping the hood of your mask, you gave him your sharpest glare to which he combatted easily with a killer smile. If only it was as effective on his conquests as he seemed to think the same applies to you. 

“You’re all just going to melt it down any.”

Any metals and ores that made it up here were better than the average scraps found in the lower sectors and certainly worth a pretty sum of credits. It was your roommate's favorite way to exploit your job and threaten your only means of survival in the same breath. 

 Darting your gaze around, you found that for once your colleges were rather forgiving of personal space. Though it didn’t mean that your supervisors wouldn’t have watchful eyes on your every move. Hence why these daring favors tended to have more impact than meaningless valve. 

You weren’t agreeing. Definitely were not going to get drawn into to those pleading baby blues. You were just curious. 

“And what exactly do two upstanding individuals as yourselves need with my fine metals?”

Cal’s smirk was shallow but no where lacking in its killer properties,” I’d bend your fine metals anyway.”

With a huff, you nudged him away with your shoulder. Practice allowing you to ignore the faint flush it brought to your cheeks. 

“You’re wasting time, Cal.”

“Just something nice. I’ll pay you back.”

You were not going to fall for it Totally, explicitly would not lose resolve on your promise to not give in like last time. You were strong and resilient and Cal was a big boy with his own means of survival and-

“I swear to all above, Cal if you-”

The force of his lips against your cheek nearly knocked you over and you were left momentarily stunned as nimble fingers searched knowingly against your body. Before you knew it, he was drawing away, your access card in hand. 

You should be happy with how quickly he scrambled to his feet, prepared for a hasty departure. It wouldn’t be long before your superiors began making their rounds and the last thing they wanted to see was a scrapper hunting around their stores. 

Gesturing with two fingers against his temple, Cal waved off before he disappeared around the corner. 

“Why are you not working? Your pay is based on your progress, not your time.”

Swallowing down a retort, you merely smiled shallowly in response to the haughty order as you tugged back down your face mask, Cal’s phantom touch still lingering against your form.

“Of course, sir.”

                                                                    _______

It should be said that Cal wasn’t a terrible roommate. In fact, when he first responded to your advertisement you had a feeling that he would actually be a helpful one.

That was a lie.

You knew that he would be a cute one. Someone that you would have to try /really hard to keep your hands off of. Fortunately for you, at the beginning he felt more like a brother than a bachelor. His boyish habits cutting into some of his charm.

It didn’t take much longer than that before the two of you fell into a rhythm of sorts. 

Having another human around was kind of nice too. 

Not to say you preached xenophobia. Some of your closer friends on this desolate planet were part of varying species. But in a way it aided in building a familiar quality of home even as you reside on the opposite side of the galaxy. 

Cal was moderately fair roommate. He wasn’t spotty with rent and you split the amenities, as scarce as they were, fairly. He was a little messy but not in the obnoxious unhygienic way. 

Everything was balanced. 

And you couldn’t really complain. 

He was a great guy. His humor and antics proving to raise your mood after a long day. Just the way he spoke about his own day bringing tears to your eyes and curling your stomach with laughter. 

You were a capable engineer, even though your talents were wasted on rebuilding the same schematics over and over again. At home, you are able to hone your own skills. Working on various knick knacks and gadgets. It was nice to have a second opinion as well. 

The two of you had spent many nights huddled around the living room surrounded by scattered parts and various prototypes. Only to have to separate the more advanced ones in fear of being caught. 

It was nice. 

                                                                    _______

“Damn, I didn’t think the boss would ever let you off.”

With less finesse and not a care in the world, you dropped haggeded into the seat offered by your friends. After another long week it was nice to finally load off with a few drinks and company chatter. 

For some reason the quota skyrocketed in the past few weeks. The recycling of old metal into new vessels becoming an unrelenting force on your crew. 

It turned out to be one of the worst moments to find yourself promoted. 

To think just three weeks ago you were throwing around drinks in celebration and now you were ready to drown out the accomplishment with whatever was on tap. 

“Apparently they’re bringing in a huge freighter soon,” you called out solemnly. Your supervisor had shown you the schematics of the parts that would be salvaged and what they wanted to accomplish with its predecessor. 

After another long shift all you could really make out was work and more work. 

But at least the same would be said for the riggers. 

To your right Reif, a Rodian, spoke crudely over a mouthful of food,” Yeah, been hearing about that one for sometime now. Suppose to be a Separist ship. Going to be quite the project.”

Slouching idly in your seat, you played lazily with the handle of the mug offered to you. Just another long project to keep you stranded on this planet. Not to say you had any plans otherwise. 

If anything you should really thank them for giving you something to focus on. 

Garnering everyone’s attention with a slam of her glass against the table, Enisa a pretty pale blue Rylothian, slurs loudly,” Enough of all this work talk. Let’s focus on something else.”

Then she’s sliding sharply into you, leaving you to fumble with your own glass,” Like your roommate. Why didn’t you tell me he was available.”

Because you weren’t in the market providing companions?

Your furrowed burrow must have voiced your thoughts because she was rolling her eyes without your verbal response. 

“Oh don’t play dumb. You’re harboring one of the few attractive souls on this god forsaken planet. And you’re not even bumping uglies with him, what a shame.”

You were stuck between defending your own choices and wondering when she learned such a human phrase. It was hardly worth the effort of explaining how the two of you just weren't like that. Your inventory of excuses were running dry.

“Stop making it awkward for her, she has to live with the guy.”

Catching Reif’s gaze over the rim of your glass, you give him a thankful nod. The rest of your group takes the initiative to fill the silence and progresses the conversation further into the night. Unlike most outings, neither of you are able to keep up with one another past a few extra hours. The weight of the day taking more out of you as it came to a close. 

You’re not the only one grateful when Reif brings the outing to a close. 

There is just enough alcohol in your system to make you stumble through the threshold of your home, groaning quietly as you try to stabilize yourself. More likely than not Cal was already asleep and you didn’t want to disrupt that. 

Now with the evening settling into your bones, there wasn't a part of your body that didn't ache and the incoming headache didn't make any part of it better. 

Right now the couch was looking a lot more inviting than it should be. You’d deal with the consequences it would leave on your body in the morning. 

Rounding the edge, you collapsed back into the cushions.

“What the hell?”

“Shit, Cal! What the fuck?”

A sharp hiss escapes him when your elbow jabs unkindly into the softness of his side. Before you could try to remedy it, his hand is gripping your upper arm and settling you more safely in the available space rather than on top of him. 

For a moment it's just your mixed breaths as you come down from the unexpected surprise. With more care, you twist more comfortably mindful of your limbs this time. 

It's hardly necessary but you whisper anyway. 

“Why are you here?”

You feel his arm wiggling behind your head and you raise your neck obediently to allow it to rest beneath you. As a reward, the same hand curls inward to comb through your hair lazily. He works his fingers across your nape and back up to your scalp finding just the right spot and drew small circles. 

“Dunno, just came home and ended up here. Kind of like you but less dramatically.”

You snort, “Sorry, wasn’t expecting a party of two.”

He hums to himself, the pad of his thumb pressing inward in a way the manages to reset your whole mindframe and you nearly white out from the release. 

There is more that could be said but the words escape you both as you settle for the night. If you weren't already going to regret this before, you were definitely were going to more now for an entirely different reason. But there was no chance of you altering the flow of what it was now. 

You would just have to lay there and try not to think too hard about the natural slot of your body to Lance’s despite the finite space. It was much easier to count the staccato of his dull thumping heartbeat as it lulled you off to sleep. 

                                                                     _______

“Goddammit, Meeka. You’re going to wake up your mom.”

Too late. 

Though in the defense of your mischievous loth-cat, the warm smell of breakfast permeating from the kitchen was just one waft away from rousing you. Stretching out your arms, you used the length of them to hook around the back of the couch to drag you up. 

Questionably burnt but you recognize the scent of some of your favorites.You has not caught a glimpse of what he was wearing last night but Cal appears to be wearing some fresh clothes. The way the collar of his shirt is damp in the back hints towards a shower. 

Part of you wonders if breakfast is a preemptive apology towards a cold shower you would be expecting later. 

“Where do you have to go so early?”

If you startle him, he doesn't show. He slides a bit of food onto a plate, giving Meeka more than gracious portion before bringing the plate to you. You take it gratefully, balancing it on the spine of the couch.

Alert to your presence and no doubt ready to beg for more scraps, you watch unimpressed as the feline-like creature slinks against you. She gets what's expected anyway as you part with a strip of meat.

Leaning against the counter within view, Cal scolds you playfully. “And you said I spoil her.”

“You start it,” you retort without any bite.

You blame the queasiness on residue alcohol when he laughs warmly. 

“Oh. “ You look up and Cal has a fork pointed at you. ‘’Your access card is on the table there.”

You’d already forgotten about that.

“Get anything good?” Safely, is weighted on your tongue but it seems like a waste to add it. Cal has always been mindful of his self, actions and footsteps in a way that makes you wonder how long he’s been watching his own back. 

In the few years you’ve known him, things like the past rarely came up. No one really came to Bracca chasing a future. It was just a means to an end until you could find something better if you could manage to get out. 

You hard already stopped trying when Cal stumbled into your life. But now it hardly seemed like a bad thing. 

The clank of dishes brings you out of your thoughts. His back is to you now as he cleans his mess.

“It will be a nice personal pay raise, that’s for sure. Prauf sends his thanks too.”

Cal surprises you again when he comes to collect your empty plate. Rather than comment it on it, you lounge comfortably in the domesticity of it all. 

“What’s your plan for the day?”

That was a good question. 

Your body had an obvious vote towards rest but responsibilities made a greater bid on your time. A bit of shopping would unfortunately be necessary but your savings would have to survive. Between the recent raise and this upcoming project, you should survive to hit. 

Replenish resources it would be then. At least if you start early enough it would allow you to relax for the remainder of the day. 

Cal’s gaze follows as you stretch and eventually slink off the couch. Meeka happy to have the entire furniture to herself doesn’t waste a moment to snuggle into your lingering warmth. 

“Down to the Bazaar first, then after that we’ll see.”

But first to see how much hot water you were going to be working with. Yawning loudly, you get to work with untangling the mess of your hair. Just before you can round the corner, Cal calls out to you.

“Want to make it a date?”

It’s an innocent play of words. One’s he’s used in the past without acting on it. 

‘And you’re not even bumping uglies with him, what a shame.’

And just when you finally stopped overthinking it.

Peeking over your shoulder, you found Cal waiting expectantly yet so unaware of the winds of the storm picking up in your mind. Was it even worth it to wonder if similar thoughts ever troubled him?

-nah, it was just easier to smile.

“Yeah, it’s a date.”

[3416]

can we just take a moment and think about how there’s a possibility of sobbe moving in together in s5😳😳 that classic first clip of OG s4 with sana but remixed🤷‍♀️🥰🥰🥰 make it happen wtfock. or if not that’s ok bc robbes still so young, but just the idea of them moving in in general makes me so happy. like how excited would sander be to decorate!! and them going to ikea runs together, painting together, arguing while building furniture 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

god i really wish.... the only thing stopping me from thinking the evak moving in together will happen for them while the show's still airing is that... robbe is pretty young but also i think he cares way too much about his mom??? like all the isaks do but robbe is definitely the most empathetic to his mom's struggles and willing to help her through it all. he actively wants to be there for her in ways we didn't see in the others, and he REALLY doesn't wanna be like his dad so he totally would stay with her to help her get on her feet and establish being alone, and i can't imagine that not taking a bit of time. probably a little longer than the end of hs BUT that being said, there will be a time when it will make sense, and thinking about that makes my heartrate skyrocket!

IDK HOW APARTMENTS ARE IN ANTWERP BUT IMAGINE THEM WITH A TWO BEDROOM..... CONVERTING THAT INTO AN ART STUDIO/OFFICE WITH A PULL OUT COUCH IN THR CORNER JUST IN CASE PPL STAY OVER. sander getting to paint as mcuh as he wants directly onto the walls and store all his supplies in there.... it's constantly serving as a gallery of half finished projects for school. robbe will come in sometimes n take his position on the couch to study n just be in sander's presence without them doing anything. i can imagine sander making sure their apartment feels like THEM. it is so disappointing that we never got to see sander's space but the glimpses for wtfockdown.... were so clever and insightful to my brain like no doubt sander's interior design mind is very liekdjjddn aesthetically pleasing but homey and them. ALL THE DOMESTIC SHIT... I LONG FOR IT I REALLY DO..... THEM MOVING FURNITURE AROUND TOGETHER and trying to decide what works best. sander stopping to make them a quick and easy lunch with the bare minimum and them sitting on the new kitchen counters and looking at all the space they have to just . fill with THEM.... i can imagine them getting into a scuffle over furniture... whcih somehow turns into them trying to tickle each other to death and theyre rolling around and making loud thuds and they know their neighbors are gonna hate them BDNDNDN. i know i said this once but...... them hanging some of robbes old skateboards on the wall like as art pieces bc he was done w them..... sanders own work n photography being everywhere.... them having a mantle they get to put pics on and its jurjdjdj a lot of family and friends and a lot of them together fnndnd and landmarks in their relationship... the way that even when they're busy they always trying to make sure they have a routine to see each other even on the worst of weeks. on the BEST of weeks, its the best thing either of them have ever dreamed about...... the stability and balance and knowing that this is just thr next step in their life together and the balance is THERE. they have school and jobs and a home life together now. imagine the housewarming too like fjdkdkkdk GOD everyone being impressed with how well they did in terms of decorating just bc..... they know robbe isnt much of an interior designer fndnjdksjdnsk. hes always lacked an abundance of material items but this is his HOME. he's everywhere in it and a lot of that has to do with sander making sure pieces of him and his family and his friends are everywhere... god idk why but the idea of them sharing a bookshelf is just ending me.... like their own interests physicslly mingled on a shelf like that.... GODDD imagine them sharing a closet NDNSKDJ . some days robbe just wants to keep sander with him all day so he steals a shirt. anon, they would have their own SIDES of a bed.... im gonna scream (they already kinda do WHICH reminds me i need to make a gifset) LITERALLY lil nightstands with their own essentials...... u have me breaking down on this fine monday morning THANKS FOR THSINFRNDNDK

[lopithecusfanfiction]

The World Keeps Turning (Except When You’re Gone)

Author: Lopithecus Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rating: Teen Word Count: 5710 Alternate: AO3 Summary: When out on a call, Buck gets badly hurt. Eddie does all that he can to save him while trying to stay calm and professional but it’s not as easy as it would seem. Warnings:

Hurt/Comfort

Angst with a happy ending

Blood and injury

Author’s Note: Will I eventually write a fic in Buck’s point of view? Probably. Is that today? No. I have no idea how realistic this is. I just wanted them to be stuck somewhere together and for Buck to be severely hurt. Also, this ended up much longer than I had planned (as per usual.) This takes place any time after 3x15. I hope you all enjoy this!

“Careful, Buck,” Eddie warns, reaching out to grab a hold of Buck’s shoulder and steer him clear of some debris that falls from the ceiling. They have been called to a building fire and are working their way through the multi-story building, clearing out rooms, and helping any people who have yet to evacuate. The fire is just above them on the next floor up and even from below, Eddie can feel the scorching heat.

“You know, I don’t get it,” Buck begins, rapping on one of the doors. “People hear the fire alarm and then just… stay? Why?”

“People do stupid things sometimes, Buck.” Eddie knocks on another door, calling out. There’s no answer and they move on. “They might think it’s just a drill or not that bad of a fire.” He waves Buck on. “Come on, we have two more floors after this and we don’t want to be in here when that fire starts traveling down.”

The fire has already engulfed three floors, floors that the team has already evacuated. That left the floor Eddie and Buck were on and the two below them. They can hear the crackling above them and there’s no warning when the ceiling gives out in front of Eddie. Buck pulls him back just in time but now the fire is definitely on this floor and spreading fast. The fire is blocking their way forward with no way through it.

Eddie turns to Buck. “We’re going to have to head back,” he says over the roar of the flames.

Buck looks past his shoulder, worry etching his face. “What about the people?”

Eddie shakes his head. The fire is spreading around them now. They don’t have much time. “We’re going to have to find another way over. Come on, we need to get to the other floors. We’re running out of time.”

Buck nods, takes a step back, and Eddie has the sudden feeling of lightness before sheer pain rockets up his legs and back. He turns over onto his side, a groan escaping his mouth before he coughs. His oxygen mask got knocked off and he swallows a lungful of smoke and dust which makes him cough even more. He tries to desperately scramble around for his oxygen mask and when he finds it, he places it quickly back on. Taking a couple of gulps of fresh air, Eddie blinks his eyes open to pitch black.

His heart rate skyrockets before he can calm himself and he reaches up to his helmet to turn on his flashlight quickly. Looking around, he doesn’t like what he sees. He’s surrounded by wood and concrete, somehow nestled into a pocket where the debris got caught on the walls, saving him from being crushed. They must have fallen through the floor but Eddie can’t tell how far they actually fell. He also doesn’t see a way out.

“Buck?” he asks, turning around. Pain shoots through his leg at the motion. He must have landed on it. “Buck?”

There’s a quiet groan back against some rubble closest to the wall. “Eddie?”

“Buck!” Eddie crawls to his friend and starts peeling away the debris that is on him. When he removes the last piece, however, he stops short, the breath catching in his lungs. There’s a piece of wood piercing through Buck’s lower abdomen, blood glistening on it and around it.

“Shit.” Eddie hears Buck whisper. “Well, that’s not good.”

Eddie swallows, trying to remain calm and remember his training. This isn’t the first time he’s had to deal with something like this and also to a friend. He removes his oxygen mask, throwing it off to the side, and notices Buck doesn’t have his on either, most likely having been knocked off as well. “It’s not good but you’re not dead, so there’s that.” Buck squirms and Eddie places his hands on Buck’s shoulders. “Don’t move. I need to assess the situation.”

“Best bet is digging out of here, right?” Buck asks, swallowing hard.

Eddie looks around with dread. “Yeah.” He crawls to the other side of their little bubble. Before starting to dig, he grabs a hold of his walkie and talks into it. “Cap? It’s Eddie. We’ve been pinned under some rubble. Southside of the building. Buck is hurt badly. Impale wound through the lower abdomen. I’m going to try and dig ourselves out.” When he lets go, all he is met with is silence. “Cap?” Still no answer. His walkie might have gotten damaged in the fall. With a sigh, Eddie starts digging through the debris. He doesn’t get very far before his digging causes part of the debris wall to collapse in on itself. Eddie scrambles back to avoid being crushed. “Maybe not.” He grabs his walkie again. “Cap, if you can hear this, negative on digging out. The structure we are under is very unstable. I repeat, it’s very unstable. Use caution when digging.”

“This isn’t good, Eddie.” Buck’s voice is quiet and he can hear the younger man’s heavy breaths. The wood could have punctured a lung.

Eddie crawls back to Buck, looking at the protruding wood. “Okay, I’m going to take care of this as best as I can right now.”

“Eddie,” Eddie carefully unzips Buck’s jacket and lifts the left side off of the wood, working slowly as to not agitate the wound. “How long do you think we can stay here?” He pulls the small first aid kit off his belt, opening it and grabbing the scissors, beginning to cut Buck’s shirt away. “We are, after all, in a burning building.”

“I don’t know, Buck.” Eddie shakes his head, peeling the sticky clothing away from Buck’s skin. It doesn’t look good at all. “Hopefully long enough for them to find us.”

“So, how bad is it Doctor?” Buck asks and when Eddie glances up at him, he has a tired smirk on his face. It disappears at Eddie’s look. “That bad, huh?”

“Do you think you’ll be able to move?” Eddie asks, looking the man over.

Buck looks tired at the thought but he still smiles. “Maybe but if we can’t dig ourselves out, what’s the point?”

“We might have to risk it. I’m going to try and stabilize the wood with some gauze.” Eddie reaches into the first aid kit again and grabs a wad of gauze. “Does it hurt?”

“Not really,” Buck answers and Eddie gives him a pointed look to not lie. “Okay, it hurts a lot.”

Eddie begins packing the gauze around the wood. It immediately turns red with blood. “You know better than to lie when it comes to this stuff, Buck.”

“Sorry,” Buck says breathlessly. “I was trying to contemplate which is worse; getting crushed or impaled.” Eddie snorts, trying to concentrate. “Getting crushed hurts like a bitch, Eddie. Like, all throughout your body. At least… at least until shock starts settling in and then your whole body kind of just goes numb.” Buck raises his hands, making a sweeping motion and Eddie notices they’re shaking. “This… this is more localized pain. It feels really hot but that could be the blood.”

Eddie reaches around Buck, feeling his back where the wood comes out. He needs to gauge at what angle it went in so he can know the extent of the internal damage that might have occurred. It’s below his lung so there’s a possibility that it didn’t puncture it after all but there’s no guarantee. There’s also no telling what other internal organs are damaged. He takes the tape and starts blindly wrapping gauze around the wood behind Buck as well, afraid to move him. “I think only you would be clinical about this, Buck.”

Buck tries to shrug but winces in pain. “Nothing else to do.” Buck’s head is starting to loll to the side, exhaustion taking control.

Knowing he has to keep Buck talking, he asks, “Okay, what else is different? Which would you prefer?”

“That’s a strange question.”

Eddie shrugs, licking his lips. “I want to know.”

Buck’s entire body has started to tremble now. “I think… I think I’d prefer being impaled. At least then it only hurts in one spot. God, Eddie, being crushed hurts so much.” Eddie looks up and sees Buck looking above them. Diverting his eyes, Eddie looks to where Buck is and his heart almost stops. There’s a slab of concrete just above them, precariously balanced between the two walls. Buck grimaces. “I really don’t want to be crushed again, Eddie.”

Eddie shakes his head, getting Buck’s attention. “That’s not going to happen because we’re getting out of here.” Eddie makes a point of looking around before settling on Buck again, shrugging nonchalantly. “And you know, I really don’t feel like getting buried alive again either.” He closes the first aid kit and hooks it back up to his belt. The gauze in front is soaked through with blood.

“I’m going to die here.” The statement takes Eddie by surprise and he looks up at Buck to where he can see his eyes filling with tears.

Eddie shakes his head, taking Buck’s shaking hands. “No, you’re not. I’m going to get you out of here.”

Buck sighs. “Eddie, we do the same thing for a living. I know when it’s bad and not survivable.” Buck tries to smile at him but it’s too sad and Eddie hates it. “You need to get out of here yourself.”

“No.”

“Eddie!” Buck says sternly. “Look at this place. It’s been filling up with smoke, there’s no way digging out of here isn’t going to make it collapse, and we both know I won’t be able to get out on time.”

“Buck, no. I’m not leaving you.” Eddie squeezes Buck’s hands and swallows around the lump in his throat.

“Eddie,” Buck groans stubbornly, closing his eyes briefly. “I can’t feel it anymore.”

Eddie’s blood runs cold at those words but he can’t stop shaking his head because, no goddamn it! “It’s fine.”

“You and I both know that’s not a good sign.” Buck has stopped shaking and he looks exhausted and if Eddie’s gloves weren’t covered in his blood, he’d reach up and wipe the tears off Buck’s face.

Eddie lets go of one of Buck’s hands, reaching up with a shaky hand to his walkie. He hadn’t even noticed he is shaking now. As if he had zapped it out of Buck and placed the tremors into his own body. “Cap?” He watches as Buck’s head falls back, blinking slowly. “Cap, can you hear me? We’re running out of time here.”

Foregoing the blood on his gloves, Eddie reaches out and cups Buck’s head, lifting it back up. “Buck.”

Buck catches his eyes but Buck’s own are unfocused and tired. “I’m so tired, Eddie.”

“I know you are.” Eddie shuffles next to Buck, pressing into him and holding him close. “But you know the drill, Buck, you have to stay awake.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Come on, just talk to me,” Eddie encourages, placing one hand down on the wound to try and stop the bleeding as best he can.

Buck drags in a ragged breath and it breaks Eddie’s heart to hear it. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Don’t,” he automatically says because if he hears Buck say the thing they’ve been dancing around for ages now, it’ll mean the end. It’ll mean Buck is leaving him and Eddie can’t deal with that. He just can’t. Eddie swallows thickly. “You can tell me later.”

Buck nods against his shoulder. “Okay.” He can hear how much of a struggle it is for Buck to take in breaths. “I need… Eddie, I need to close my eyes.”

“No, Buck.” Eddie shifts so he’s back in front of Buck’s prone body, looking down at him. “Buck, you know you can’t,” he says but it’s already too late. Buck has his eyes shut and Eddie cups his face again, trying not to panic. “Buck.” His hands shake wildly. “Evan.”

Buck’s eyes pop open before drooping again. “You never call me that.”

“Stay awake, man, come on.” Buck shakes his head minutely in protest and his head slumps to the side, eyes completely closed.

With his own tears streaming down his face, Eddie checks his pulse. His hands are shaking so badly that it’s hard to feel but it’s there despite being very weak. With a deep breath, Eddie pushes away from Buck and looks around the enclosure. There has to be a sturdy place where he can dig them out.

Crawling around to different sections as quickly as possible, Eddie tests them until he finds a place that he deems structurally sound enough. He starts digging, on the verge of frantic, knowing he doesn’t have much time, but he somehow keeps his calm. Somehow he stays professional, managing to shut off his emotions for now. Eddie digs with determination, glancing at the slab of concrete above them when the thing shifts but doesn’t move again.

Before long, he sees daylight and he calls out to anyone who can hear him. “Eddie?” He hears in the distance and though the tears have stopped rolling down his cheeks, his eyes fill with them once more.

“Over here!” He keeps digging until there is a hole big enough for him to crawl out of. He stands, despite the pain in his leg. The first thing he notices is smoking, black debris, however, the fire is gone. The building must have collapsed more but they were able to put the fire out easier this way. Then he sees Hen in the distance, running towards him and he hobbles in her direction, pointing behind himself. “Buck. Buck, he’s hurt. He’s… you have to help him. I tried…” Hen reaches him and grabs a hold of him to keep him steady. Eddie must make quite the sight if the look on her face is anything to go by.

Eddie turns back in the direction of Buck and starts limping towards him, pointing weakly. “Hen you have to help him. I couldn’t-” His breath hitches and a whimper he can’t control comes out of him. By now Chimney and Bobby are by his side, helping him to stand and they won’t let him walk even though Eddie wants nothing but to get back to Buck’s side.

“Eddie,” Bobby says gently, getting his attention. “What happened?”

Eddie tries to take in a deep breath but he can’t. They come in shallow gulps of panic but even so, his training kicks in from the question. “Buck’s been injured. Impale injury to the lower abdomen. I don’t think his lung was punctured but I can’t know for sure. I’ve stabilized the object but he’s bleeding a lot. I couldn’t stop it. He-he just passed out about five minutes ago. He still had a weak pulse when I last checked but I don’t know about now.”

Hen and Chimney rush over to where Eddie had crawled out of and Eddie tries to follow but Bobby stops him with a hand on his shoulder. “Eddie, let me look you over.”

He shakes his head, turning back to Bobby. “No, I need to go help.”

“Eddie, you’ve done enough.”

“No, no, I told him I wouldn’t leave him,” Eddie explains and the tears in his eyes are back. “Bobby, I can’t-” Eddie’s throat closes up and the tears slip from his eyes. Damn it, he’s not going to break down in front of everyone. He’s used to this. He can deal with it. He can be professional.

Except that he’s exhausted and in pain and shaking and it’s Buck. Oh God, it’s Buck.

He doesn’t realize he’s collapsing to the ground until Bobby’s got his arms around him and is holding him up. “I’ve got you.” He drags Eddie up and away from where Chimney and Hen are working on Buck and Eddie tries to not think about the fact that Bobby probably just doesn’t want him to see them wheeling out Buck’s dead body because Buck isn’t dead. He can’t be.

The son of a bitch wouldn’t do that to him.

He just wouldn’t.

“Here, sit down.” Bobby deposits him on the back of an ambulance, not one of the 118’s as that will probably be the one they take Buck in. Bobby calls over another paramedic who begins checking Eddie over and asking him questions. He gives Eddie some oxygen and it’s not until he breaths in the clean air that Eddie realizes how much his lungs hurt. Bobby continues to stand guard but when Hen comes on the radio to update him about Buck, he quickly steps away and out of earshot of Eddie.

It pisses Eddie off and he pushes up, shoving the paramedic away, and limps over to where Bobby is finishing his conversation on the walkie. “Cap!”

Bobby turns to him, face grim. “They’re bringing Buck to the hospital.”

“Is he alive?” Eddie asks because that’s all he needs to know. He just needs to know if his world can keep turning or if it’s going to stop right here and now.

Bobby hesitates but soon nods. “Yes, he is.”

Eddie’s breathing speeds up and his eyes well up and for fuck’s sake, he wishes they would stop doing that but he can’t seem to control it. “Don’t lie to me,” he says harshly.

“Eddie, I’m not lying.” Bobby takes a step towards him, hands out with his palms facing forward. “He’s in critical condition, but he’s alive.”

“How critical?” Eddie asks as if he doesn’t know, as if he hasn’t seen people die from severe puncture wounds before. He needs to stay focused. This isn’t the time to start panicking.

“It’s not good, Eddie,” Bobby informs him and then places a hand on his shoulder. “He’s going to be fine. You did good.”

Eddie shrugs the hand off. “Bobby, I’m a trained medic. Don’t…” he swallows, tries to take a deep breath to calm himself. “Don’t try and comfort me. I know how it looks. I know I couldn't do much to help Buck. I know…” his throat tightens again but he breathes through it and continues with difficulty. “I know there’s a great possibility that Buck is going to die from this.”

Bobby’s got that sympathetic, all-knowing look that is usually reserved for Buck on his face and Eddie almost feels sick at the sight. “You did what you could and because of that, you did good.”

Eddie shakes his head. “I’ve been in worse situations. I should have done better. If only I had kept my cool better then-”

“Then nothing,” Bobby interrupts, placing a hand on his shoulder again to ground him. Eddie doesn’t want him touching him. “There’s nothing more you could have done in that situation, Eddie. No one could have.”

Eddie doesn’t think he can believe Bobby, not if Buck dies. Not if Buck leaves him and Christopher like Shannon left him. “We have to get to the hospital.”

“Okay,” Bobby agrees, finally letting go of his shoulder. “But only if you promise to get checked out there yourself. Buck will probably be in surgery anyway.”

Eddie just wants to go so he quickly agrees and they take the fire engine to the hospital. Bobby walks him over to the front desk of the emergency room and hands Eddie off to a nurse to get himself checked. When they give him a  full bill of good health after letting him breathe in some oxygen and telling him his leg is only sprained, they let him go and Eddie makes his way to the waiting room that Bobby had told him everyone is in.

He approaches Chimney tiredly and he thinks if he sits down, he might fall asleep but at the same time he’s too strung up to do so. “Any news?”

Chimney shakes his head and sighs. “Not yet.” At Eddie’s frown, he says, “He hasn’t been in there long. It’s going to take hours, man.”

Eddie gives him a small nod, feeling sick to his stomach. He walks over to a corner of the room and calls Carla who says she can keep Christopher for a few more hours but won’t be able to keep him for much longer than that. “Okay, hang on. I’ll call you back.”

Next, he calls Pepa. “There’s been an accident at work.”

“Are you okay?” she asks him right away.

“I’m fine. It’s a coworker; Buck. You remember?” She gives him an affirmative and he continues. “I need someone to look after Christopher. I’m going to be at the hospital for several hours but Carla can only keep him a few hours after I was supposed to get him. Can-”

He doesn’t even need to finish his sentence before Pepa is answering firmly. “Of course, I can, Edmundo. Tell Carla to drop him off here whenever she needs.”

“Gracias, Pepa.” He hangs up then and calls Carla back, telling her the game plan. He also tells her not to tell Christopher what has happened to Buck, that he’ll do it himself when he next sees his son. When that is all done, he goes and sits down next to Hen and waits.

*~~~*

Buck is in surgery for seven hours and Eddie is left to wait on his own except for Maddie. The others had to go back to the firehouse and finish whatever shift they were on but Bobby insisted Eddie stay. So Eddie’s been doing nothing but pacing back and forth in the waiting area while Maddie sits there watching him.

“Eddie,” Maddie tries for the hundredth time. “Come sit down. Let me get you some water or coffee.”

“No,” he says, shaking his head. Maddie had been kind enough to bring him a change of clothes and Eddie has already checked up on Christopher, calling him about two hours ago. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Christopher what happened to Buck and so Eddie had lied to him, telling his son that someone had gotten sick at work and he was asked to cover. Eddie tries to not feel guilty about lying but he can’t stand the thought of his kid worrying and being sad. “I’m fine,” he amends when Maddie won’t stop staring at him.

She’s frowning now and shouldn’t he be the one trying to be strong for her? “Eddie, he’s going to be fine. They haven’t told us anything different so he has to be.”

“You were a nurse, Maddie, you know things can change from good to bad just like that.” He snaps his fingers for emphasis.

Her frown deepens and she stands, making her way over to him. Eddie is probably annoying the other people in the waiting room too, with his pacing. Maddie gently grabs his arm. “Come sit down.” She carefully drags him over to one of the chairs and sits him down, sitting down next to him. She leans her head on his shoulder, linking their arms, and Eddie lets himself almost feel comforted.

But he knows better. There were many times out in the fields in Afghanistan where surgery was going well and then all of a sudden the person was crashing and they died. So Eddie won’t allow himself to hope or relax. Instead, he waits for the second shoe to drop and stays on high alert.

His heart drops into his stomach when, another hour later, the doctor comes out looking grim. Both him and Maddie stand, meeting him halfway. “How’s my brother?” Maddie asks.

The doctor sighs and Eddie is about ready to throw up until she smiles at them and says, “He made it through.” Eddie lets the breath he had been holding out in relief. “He’s under heavy sedatives and so will be asleep for a while but I think he’s going to pull through okay.”

Maddie has tears streaming down her face and she’s smiling. “That’s great news. Can we see him?”

The doctor looks from Maddie to Eddie and back. “Of course. I’ll show you to the room.”

They follow the doctor to the ICU and when she pulls back the curtain to Buck’s room, Eddie’s stomach flips with nausea. He’s shaking again and his palms are sweaty, heart beating crazy in his chest and he’s definitely going to throw up.

While Maddie goes straight up to Buck and cups one of his hands in hers, Eddie turns around, leaves the ICU, and beelines it to a one-person unisex bathroom where he promptly empties his stomach into the toilet. He’s amazed he even managed to make it to the bathroom and chalks it up to his training for the army. When he’s done throwing up, he shakily cups some water and rinses his mouth out, coughing at the burning sensation in his throat. He’s shaking uncontrollably and he feels hot and anxious and, yeah, he’s crying again.

He leans back against the wall, hitting his head against it when he tilts it back, feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket. Digging in his pocket for his phone, he looks at the screen and sees Maddie’s name across it.

From Maddie:

Are you okay?

To Maddie:

Yeah. I’ll be right back.

Eddie shoves his phone back into his pocket and leans his head back against the wall once more, taking deep breaths. Buck is okay. He’s fine. He’s going to live. Eddie wipes a hand down his face, smearing his tears. Buck had looked so pale, lying in that bed. Eddie had almost lost him. They have almost lost each other more than once. God, all this time they’ve been dancing around each other and how they feel about one another when they could die at any moment. What the hell are they waiting for?

Sniffling, Eddie pushes off the wall and splashes water on his face. When he looks at himself in the mirror, his eyes are red and puffy and his cheeks are splotchy. There’s no hiding the fact that he’s been crying… well… sobbing really. He’s embarrassed by it and it’s only made worse when he opens the door to the bathroom to see someone waiting for it outside the door. He suddenly can’t remember if he had been crying silently or noisily and Eddie’s cheeks flame red. The older woman gives him the common courtesy to smile at him sympathetically before pushing by him and entering the bathroom herself.

Wallowing in his embarrassment, Eddie slowly makes his way back to Buck’s room. Maddie is still there, sitting in a chair next to the bed, and she looks up at him in worry. “Are you okay?”

Eddie nods silently and pulls up another chair on the opposite side of the bed. He takes a hold of Buck’s other available hand. He can feel Maddie’s eyes on him. “What is it?”

She sighs tiredly. “He feels the same way, you know?”

“I know,” he says simply.

This seems to surprise her. “You know? Did he tell you?”

“No.” He swallows. “He was going to. I stopped him.”

“Why?” she asks, brows scrunching in confusion.

“Because it’s what you do before you die.” He shakes his head. “I wasn’t going to let him die.”

Maddie’s lips thin and Eddie has to look away from her. Instead, he looks at Buck’s pale face. At least he just looks like he’s sleeping and not in pain. “You should tell him.”

“I know.”

“How come you don’t then? He wouldn’t reject you.” She huffs a small laugh. “He’d probably be overjoyed.”

Eddie shakes his head and licks his lips. “I don’t know how to.” Then, “No, I… I do know how, I just…” he trails off, not being able to continue.

“Then why can’t you?” Maddie pushes.

Eddie sighs, looks at Buck again and feels his heart beat into his throat, making it hard to breathe. “I’m afraid.”

“Of?”

“Letting someone in,” he says, rubbing the back of Buck’s hand with his thumb.

Maddie smiles at him, warm and amused. “Eddie,” she waits for him to look in her direction. “You’ve already done that. Buck’s already in.”

*~~~*

Buck doesn’t wake up until the next day. He groans and shifts, face scrunching in discomfort. Eddie is by his side, grabbing a hold of his hand and squeezing it to try and calm the man. “Hey, it’s okay.”

Buck blinks open his eyes, staring up at Eddie. “Eddie?”

Eddie smiles at him and almost brushes his hair back. “Hey. You’re in the hospital.”

Buck looks around and grimaces. “God, I hate hospitals.”

Eddie chuckles and pulls the chair he had been sitting in closer so he can sit. “You and me both.”

Buck’s eyes land back on his and they study each other. Eddie is so relieved to be able to see those blue eyes again. “You stayed.”

“I told you I would, didn’t I?” Eddie says, not being able to resist anymore and so he reaches up and brushes his free hand through Buck’s hair. “You scared the shit out me, man.”

“I scared myself.” Buck smiles, licking his dry lips.

“Are you thirsty? In pain? They have you on some pretty strong drugs right now but if you’re hurting I can get a nurse and-”

Buck interrupts him, shaking his head. “No, I’m not in pain. I can’t really feel anything right now. Pretty loopy.” Buck looks around the room again. “Christopher?”

“I haven’t told him what has happened.” Buck nods in understanding at that. “I didn’t want to worry him. I’ll tell him when you’re out of here and out of danger.”

Buck nods again, swallowing. “My mouth is so dry.”

Eddie huffs in good humor. “That’s why I asked if you were thirsty, you idiot.” He grabs the cup and pitcher of water one of the nurses left and pours Buck some water, placing a straw in it. “Here, let me help. You’re going to be a little weak for a little while.” Eddie lifts the cup to Buck’s mouth and Buck grabs the straw between his lips to sip gingerly at the liquid. He drinks the whole cup before letting his head fall back to the pillow. “You have a catheter in so you don’t have to worry about going to the bathroom yet.”

“Good. I don’t think I’d be able to make it.” Buck gives him a smile. “My limbs feel like lead.” Then his smile disappears and he looks at Eddie with so much empathy and sadness that Eddie has to look away. “How bad did it get?”

“You passed out and I had to dig us out.”

“Without getting us crushed?”

Eddie chuckles, squeezing Buck’s hand again. “Yeah, it was touch and go but like I told you, you weren’t getting crushed again and I wasn’t going to get buried again.”

“My hero.” Buck’s eyes light up with admiration and love and Eddie’s cheeks get hot.

“Hen and Chim got you out,” he continues, ignoring the flush that’s gone all through his body. “We didn’t know if you were going to make it. You were in surgery for ages and then when they were done, you were asleep for a while. Maddie was here for a long time when you were sleeping and just stepped out to go home for a couple of hours to shower, change, and then call into work. She’ll be back soon though.”

“And the others?” Buck asks sleepily.

“Uh,” Eddie runs a hand through his own hair. He’s exhausted but he had refused to sleep before Buck woke up. “Bobby and Athena were here about an hour ago. Chimney said he’ll stop by later after his shift and Hen, well,” Eddie gets up out of the chair, letting go of Buck’s hands. He walks over to the rolly table and lifts up a fruit basket. “Hen brought this. I guess Karen made it for you.”

Buck’s smile is wide with happiness and it fills Eddie’s chest with warmth. “I was wondering what that was and where it came from.” Buck reaches out, gesturing for Eddie to take his hand again. Eddie complies, sitting back down. “And what about you?”

Eddie shrugs. “What about me?”

“Have you gotten any rest?” Buck is eyeing him. “Because I’ll bet you look just as bad, if not worse, as me.”

Eddie scoffs good-naturedly. “What are you talking about? I always look good.”

“So do I,” Buck says. “And that’s the point.”

Eddie chuckles at Buck’s ridiculousness, shaking his head. “You’re amazing, do you know that?”

“For a matter of fact,” Buck begins, laughing and causing Eddie to laugh too. “I do.”

Eddie laughs at him, ducking his head and pressing their joined hands against his forehead. He laughs until he starts to cry, shoulders shaking with the effort. It’s like everything that he has been feeling just rushes into his chest and pushes against him, suffocating him. He feels happy and sad, anxious and relieved, mournful and loving, all at the same damn time. And he can no longer control them. He can no longer keep them at bay and so he cries in front of Buck, wet sobs coming from his mouth as he gasps for air.

Buck’s other hand is carding through his hair, petting him soothingly. “Eddie?” Buck pulls on his hand. “Eddie, it’s okay. Come here.”

He looks up at Buck, his best friend, the man he has been in love with for so long now that he can’t even imagine living without him. Buck pulls him closer, guides him weakly onto the bed, and maneuvers them both until Eddie has room to lie in the bed next to him. Eddie, for all he’s worth, buries his face into Buck’s chest and cries and cries and cries. Buck’s hand runs up and down his back as his other arm wraps around Eddie’s waist, holding him close and whispering over and over again that’s it’s okay.

And if Eddie lets slip while he’s there bawling his eyes out that he loves Buck and Buck says it back to him ever so quietly while pressing his lips against Eddie’s head, well, that’s for them to know and only them.

———————————————————————————————————–

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this fic! Eddie is probably a little ooc in this, I know, but I wanted him to be a little bit vulnerable. I mean, that’s the love of his life almost dying right there after all. ;)

Thank you for reading!

[artificialqueens]

In Orbit Around the Same Star (Biadore) - doctor bitchcraftt

Anonymous prompt - Adore finally realizes she wants Bianca and stops sleeping around; Bianca accepts what she’s been trying to run from, that she’s always loved Adore.

A/N: This one took more out of me than I thought it would when I sat down to write it; it stays just inside the boundary of my canon-compliant writing rules. Quote cited is from an actual interview with Bianca.  Serious introspection, feelings, and a whole lot of love. Xoxoxoxo, bitchcraftt

Read on AO3

********

She’s going to be thirty this year.  

It’s…very that.

She used to think that her life began with Idol, but really, it started at twenty three when she walked into the workroom, and skyrocketed at twenty four when Adore Delano eclipsed Danny Noriega.

Her twenties were filled with partying hard, thrilled by running reckless.  Sometimes too hard and too wild, because she couldn’t stop to think about that or why and what she was running from.  

She thinks about Michelle holding her together by the thinnest threads in Europe, when her own mother would have been horrified by her behavior.  Some of it’s hazy, and some of it she can’t remember at all.  She tries not to think about how badly it could have ended.

Adore knows how incredibly lucky she is to not have caused any permanent damage (she’s carefree but never careless when someone else is intimately involved).  

She also knows that it’s due in a large part to having people who reeled her in, anchored her when she started to (or did) go too far.  

She thinks about her sisters, the closest members of her drag family (and honestly, real family now).  Considers the three people constantly speaking across thousands of miles, texting good morning from wherever they are in the world that day.  Three people who have her back even when she’s in the wrong - and oh, do they let her know it privately - and who she can count on to rescue her from herself.

********

Bianca is, if nothing else, exceedingly self-aware.  Painfully so, even, about things like her need to be in control, to grasp onto order instead of chaos.    

“I like work because that’s the only thing I have control of," she told an interviewer back in 2015, answering a question about what she valued most in life.  "I can’t be in control of anything else.  I can’t control if I’m in a relationship, I can’t control when someone dies, but I can control my work ethic and keep plowing and going through it."  

She (aside from a few notable exceptions) has always lived life carefully, weighing outcomes and consequences and never risking more than she thought she could lose.  Always kept faithfully to her commitments, even at the cost of too little sleep and no time for anything besides work.  Always been the steady, reliable one that her friends know they can turn to when their own lives are in disarray for a sarcastic comment followed by deep compassion.

********

Adore is beyond grateful for being able to lean on Bianca’s strength when she doesn’t trust her own.  

Bianca, so grounded in who she (and he) is that she has no problem helping others.  Giving and kind to strangers and acquaintances alike, the first to lend her makeup and earrings to other queens, to fix a wig or a torn seam, greeting fans with a smile and always willing to take a photo.

Honest and sharp, but never cruel or unnecessary with her criticism.

Bianca, who doesn’t think twice about offering to pay for things her friends need (Adore’s hair, Jiggly’s teeth), not to flaunt her wealth but because her bank account isn’t as important as her friends’ health and happiness.

Bianca, whose door is always open no matter the time of night or day or the space beyond midnight but before dawn.  Who lets Adore wake her up with a phone call or drunken knocking, lets her cling to her unshakable steadiness, listens no matter how ridiculous or cringe worthy the subject.  

Bianca, the brilliant comic who laughs at all of her jokes, even when they’re not actually funny.  Her surprisingly high-pitched giggles and wicked cackle are wonderful, and earning a full body, head thrown back laugh always feels like an accomplishment.

She’s never demanded anything in return, not for her corset and not for her time.  Doesn’t even seem comfortable with being thanked, as if she feels like the things she does are a matter of course and she’s just paying it forward.

(The corset is still in Adore’s closet, together with her black sequined finale dress.)

Bianca, who would give and give of herself until she’s exhausted because she can’t not help.  Who would drop everything if Adore or Courtney or so many other of their sisters was in need.  

Her capacity to love is deeper than anyone else Adore has ever met, even if it’s cloaked in pithy comments and exasperated eyerolls.

********

Bianca has said time and again that winning Drag Race at thirty eight meant something completely different than if she had been twenty.  Some days even thirty five feels ridiculously far away, when so much has changed since.  She’s gone from trying to keep a crowd’s attention in nightclubs to sold out stages worldwide with fans who only speak a little bit of English wildly chanting her name, unable to even go to Starbucks without someone recognizing her face.

More than anything else, Drag Race taught her that even she still had room to grow and learn.  

Before the workroom, she would have laughed outright if anyone had told her she would become the closest of friends with someone almost a decade and a half younger.  She’s watched Adore live her life intensely, sometimes recklessly, sometimes without considering what could happen.  Has helped pick up the pieces when it went wrong.  Learned that the hardest thing sometimes is to let her, because it’s not fair to take the experiences or decisions away.

The most striking thing is that despite being at very different stages of life, despite the occasionally naive and overconfident blunders, Adore fits neatly into all of the places that were empty before, including the things she didn’t even realize were missing.  She’s a juxtaposition of mercurial mood and rebellious nature with a very old soul whose depth sometimes leaves Bianca speechless.  Fearless and fun, and busy dragging everyone else in along with her.

Before Adore, she thinks she almost forgot what it was like to live in the moment, too busy staying busy to ever slow down.

********

Adore thinks about how they gravitate towards each other when they’re both in the same place.  Looks at photos of them holding hands or hugging on stage, and realizes that it feels so natural she doesn’t even notice .  She thinks about how they constantly stay in physical contact, never any concept of personal space between them and never aware of its absence.

Bianca gives the best hugs because she uses her whole body.  Hugs that remind and constantly surprise Adore with how much strength is in her deceptively slim build.  

If she closes her eyes when Bianca’s arms are around her, she can feel the energy of a contained tidal wave, a force of nature that, once its path is clear, stops for nothing.  And in the face of that power, she never feels anything but safe.

********

Bianca is tactile herself (even if she denies it on stage) and understands the need for touch.  She doesn’t shy away from reaching for a fan’s hand or giving hugs, because she’s still a little in awe that all of that energy and excitement is for her.

Physical affection for her friends is so much a part of her that she doesn’t even register it half the time, sharing seats in clubs or lounging together on a hotel bed to read texts.  It’s even more pronounced with Adore, always seeking out the other’s warmth and stability, two planets in orbit around the same star.

********

Adore loves Bianca’s sharp tongue and intelligence, how she can look at a piece of fabric and already know exactly what she’ll make out of it.  

Loves how she carries herself in a gown, how her makeup is over the top and the skill it takes to paint that way.  

Loves her work ethic and dedication to the craft.

Loves how she can command a stage and the rapt attention of thousands.

Loves her self-deprecation while insisting that Bianca Del Rio isn’t meant to be beautiful or sexy, when she manages to do both.

********

Bianca has loved Adore for years.  

It’s neither unexpected nor something she’s ashamed of; Adore is ridiculously easy to love.

People the world over have fallen for her expressive eyes and unceasing energy, her relatable manner of speaking liberally sprinkled with expletives, her wide smile and captivating voice.  Listening to her sing, wrapping her voice around each word, is hypnotic and even Bianca catches herself caught under her spell.

She probably (definitely) loves Adore a little more than the rest of her sisters, a fact that isn’t lost on their friends (or legions of fans, apparently).  

********

Adore has always been a little in love with Bianca.

She’s referred to her more than once as the love of her life, in complete seriousness no matter how many hashtags follow the statement.

She thinks a lot about how Bianca looks out for her, calls her “my angel” and “my love”.  Is afraid to believe that it’s any different than the way Bianca loves and touches her other friends.  Worse, she worries that her jokes about their age difference and playing up their quasi mother-daughter relationship means Bianca will only ever think of Adore as a (her) child.

********

She’s always going to try to take care of Adore, the same as with any of her friends.  There’s definitely the slightly maternal aspect of watching her grow as both a queen and a person.  But she’s also always going to see her as more than just an adopted drag daughter.    

It’s complicated.

She worries that Adore is serious when she tells fans, "Bianca is like my second mom."  Worries that she’ll always be only the protective shoulder to cry on and give advice, the friend to go out to the club with, a beloved older sibling but never to love.

Watching Adore asleep beside her, and Courtney and Darienne across the way on the other bed in her London hotel room, she isn’t sure why that thought bothers her so much.  Not when the peaceful sense of stillness is lulling her into slumber.

She thinks about the age difference, how sometimes it’s painfully obvious that Adore isn’t settled into who she is and where she’s going yet.  Thinks about how it took most of her thirties before she met a twenty three year old queen with three wigs, clearance special dresses, and a passion for life that reminded her how much she’d walled herself off.

Adore is turning thirty this year, and Bianca is on the wrong side of forty.    

********

Adore isn’t sure how to manage love on its own, not this kind.  In her world, love beyond family has always been connected to sex - passionate, out of this world hot or intensely sweet or comfortably intimate.  And sex by itself is easy, is fun, no feelings other than a mutual interest in wringing as much pleasure as possible from the encounter, sharing the thrill and comfort of touch.

Loving someone so deeply without an intimate physical relationship is completely different, never mind that it’s tangled up in what’s probably one of the most profound relationships of her life.

Adore hasn’t done commitment lately because she doesn’t want even the slightest urge to be unfaithful if her attention wanders. It’s not that she wouldn’t give up her bed-hopping; it’s just that everyone is so unique, so many beautiful opportunities to discover someone new, that it would be unfair to promise something she can’t keep.  She doesn’t want to burn down relationships, has tried the long distance thing, but being on separate continents was too difficult even with FaceTime and Skype and phone calls.

********

Bianca thinks about Adore casually kissing fans, kissing Courtney thank you for fixing a stray bobby pin, pouting together at the camera with their faces pressed close.  Thinks about how in all of the years, Adore has never kissed her on the mouth even as a joke no matter how much her inhibitions have been lowered.

She wonders if Adore knows what it does to her stomach sometimes when she climbs into her bed for drunken snuggles, handsy and loose-limbed.  Hates the twinge of guilt when she enjoys holding her after she passes out draped over her whole body.  

********

The thing is, Adore knows she would give up casual sex for Bianca.  At least she thinks she could, would try harder than for anyone else.  

Although it’s possible that they wouldn’t be compatible sexually, Adore dismisses that idea immediately.  Dick jokes aside, all of that focused attention would be overwhelming in the best possible way regardless of the activity.  If she’s amazing as a friend, Adore is positive that Bianca would be (is) a generous and dedicated lover, committed to her (his) partner’s satisfaction.  

The problem is, it could never ever be uncomplicated for them.  

It’s not as simple as taking each other to bed when they’ve shared the covers on multiple occasions for years.  Often enough to fit their limbs together easily, Adore’s head on her shoulder, long enough that she knows exactly what Bianca sounds like when she snores.  

There’s no way that they could write it off as just a fuck between friends.  Adore falls hard and fast when she lets herself, and with Bianca who’s already seen her at her worst and still loves her…

Bianca calls her fearless.  In ninety-nine percent of situations, that’s definitely the case, even when it’s unwise.  This though?  Adore won’t risk losing what they have now to take a chance on something that could very well destroy them both.

It’s not the thought of asking for a relationship that scares her.  It’s the possibility that Bianca isn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t be interested in her that way.  Or most devastatingly, the possibility that it would work for a while but ultimately fail.  

She doesn’t want to think about no longer being able to casually hold hands, of bringing awkwardness to the space between them.  Can’t imagine Bianca not letting her cuddle close or the easy afternoons spent together in comfortable silence.  Feels her stomach clench considering what it would be like to lose the open invitation to share Bianca’s space.

More than any danger to herself, she’s absolutely terrified of what she could do to Bianca. Bianca, who commits to the things she deems worthy with intensity and complete seriousness.  Who pours her entire heart into loving someone (she’s seen it).  Adore is acutely aware of how easy it would be to hurt her (hurt him). And Bianca would let her, might even forgive her, but Adore would never forgive herself.

She’s never wanted to cause pain to past boyfriends, but that’s nothing in comparison.  

Adore doesn’t ever want their relationship to become something she has to write songs about, trying to excise the pain of loss.

Bianca always says she’s gotten serious relationships out of her system, but what Adore knows she means is that she doesn’t have the time and energy to learn someone new, not with her work commitments.  

She thinks about how Bianca is constantly in motion, always working, ready to move onto the next project.  Thinks that maybe it means she’s running away from something too, but can’t imagine what she could ever be afraid of.

********

Bianca has been in a little bit in love with Adore for years, even if she was barely willing to admit it in the privacy of her own thoughts.  

They’re not the type of friends who could add sex as just another benefit, because all of the other aspects of the relationship so far outweigh getting off together that sex doesn’t even feel like it’s missing.  As far as Bianca can tell, the two of them are closer than most couples she knows precisely because there isn’t fucking involved.

She’s told interviewers that she doesn’t have time for a boyfriend, that no one would put up with her constant traveling.

She’s also made red-eye flight detours to see Adore when their engagements have taken them to different parts of the world.  

Bianca is very conscious of her focus on things she commits to.  If she’s going to do something, anything, she (he) is going to do it right.  

Paying careful attention to every small detail of her drag from hairline to padding and cinching and deliberate costume design, even as she’s creating an exaggerated female presence.  

Organizing her supplies the same way every time so that she’s never the queen who forgets something.

Spoiling and surprising her friends, because they matter.

Loving Adore.

********

Adore isn’t ready to tell Bianca, not yet.  Their friendship is more than enough. And really, she thinks Bianca probably already knows, the same way she knows everything else about her.