#sometimes the quality is middling and sometimes the acting? woo. but man | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mountswhore · 3 years ago

Text

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐚𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭 — mason mount

if you have any requests, just ask! i’m all ears. if you wanna know who i write for, check this post.

admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

Mason adores everything about you. But to be particular, he adores your compassion. Even before you guys had gotten together, and were just friends of friends at a party, he’d watch you take care of some of his teammates who’d had a little too much to drink. You’d be jumping between getting to know Mason and assisting someone to the bathroom to throw up. It was hard for him to hold back a giggle as he saw you take your heels off, excuse yourself politely and run after a drunken Grealish.

body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

Again, he loves everything about you. But if he had to choose, it’d be your eyes. They’re the first things he notices when he comes home from an away game, full to the brim with tears as you shout out how much you missed him. In the middle of a sleepless night, when the outside lighting makes your shiny eyes visible, he’d get lost in them. During a match, whether it be for the National team or Chelsea, the second he is on the pitch he would notice you close to the goal, in perfect view to watch him score. They’re what he looks into just before he kisses you, and he melts watching your eyes as you speak to a friend or family member, seeing them talk with your mouth.

cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

Mason’s favourite pastime is cuddling, outside of his career, of course. He’ll get home from training and you’ll be cozied up on the couch, practically inviting him into your warmth. He enjoys the cuddles with you on top of him, your head in his neck and his arms tightly around your back. But he loves laying his head on your stomach, smoothing his hand over your thighs as you massage his shoulders lightly. He loves cuddling you, but he’s a sucker for being cuddled. It’s a trick to get him to doze off pretty quickly, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

He’s a busy man, but when it came down to seeing you and wanting you, he made time. He wanted only the best for you, so it was a fancy restaurant, being driven around in his nice sports car, treating you to whatever you wanted. He’d soon come to realise that both of yours ideal date is ordering a Chinese, playing a few fifa matches, and watching a comedy together.

emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

Due to your compassion, you’d often spot when Mason was feeling down, angry, or just upset. So keeping it from you rendered useless. Now, if he’s ever in a shit mood, for any reason, he’ll find you and talk to you about it. You always end up making him feel better too, and giving him a different perspective on it. He couldn’t ask for a better girlfriend.

family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

If there was one thing Mason will not shut up about, it’s having children. Even his mates tell him to have a day off. You secretly find it cute, that he’s so ready to become a father and thinks of you as a suitable mother to his children. But Mason knows you’re not ready, with his career at the height it is right now and your age, you think kids aren’t on the cards right now, but you’re definitely wanting a few. Mason is absolutely okay with waiting for you, as he always mentions that there’s nobody else he’d rather do it with.

gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

Mason gets a bit too excited when it comes to your birthday. He’ll go all out on gifts every year, topping the one before, and dotting them around the house in places you don’t look. Like the boot of his car, the electrical cupboard, the back garden shed, he’s thought about it strategically. And his giddy attitude is never something you question, you usually pass it as his excitement for an upcoming match or just that fact it’s your birthday soon. It would take everything in him to keep it a secret, almost spilling a few of your gifts. He’d accidentally asked you to grab his cleats from the boot of his car, immediately stopping you once the door was open. And you were none the wiser.

holding hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

Whenever you’re both out with yours or his family, it is quite a large group, which usually meant a large outing. And being significantly shorter than him, he likes to hold you close. As you walk down a busy street, he won’t let you out of his sight, even if you’re talking to his mum, he’ll hold your hand tightly or have an arm around your shoulder. His family always thought it was cute, questioning why he does it. And he always responds with a joke, to hide his sloppiness. Something like, “she’s too short, can’t let her get lost.”

injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

If you came home through the front door limping, he’d be all over you. Carrying you to the kitchen, observing the injury, calling the shots on what you need to do for the evening. Which usually consists of having a bath, resting in bed, texting him if you needed him. It was adorable, despite it being just a twisted ankle from the gym or something.

But on a serious scale, if you came home bawling your eyes out after an awful encounter, that’s when Mason loses all of his silliness and smiles. He’s cradling you on the floor of the living room, talking over what just happened and how you felt. He wouldn’t leave you for the rest of the evening, always making sure you’re feeling better and giving you tight squeezes before he goes to get you anything.

jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

Being an avid tiktok user, you’ve seen quite the pranks on there. And mason not yet having a tiktok, made it perfect to carry these out. You’d often spend hours on the phone with Declan, another avid tiktok user, sending prank ideas back and forth. Mason was quite the gullible person, either that or you were a brilliant actress, so your pranks were always going smoothly. And posting it to tiktok, you’d read through the flood of comments together, laughing about how deflated he looked when you swerved him from a kiss, or how in shock he looked when you told him the tower of Pisa had finally fallen over. It was a laugh you had every day.

kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

It varies. If Mason is tired from training, the kisses would be soft and almost non-existent, it would just be Mason’s face incredibly close to yours and then moving away a few seconds later. In any good moments, he’s always reaching for a kiss. The second he sees you after a win, his lips are on yours and aren’t leaving any time soon. Mason’s favourite type of kiss is the kiss you give him every night. It doesn’t lead anywhere that often. But it’s a deep kiss, it’s saying you love him without actually saying it. It always leaves Mason in a haze, going to bed with a love struck smile on his face.

love (how do they show you they love you?)

Mason shows he loves you in many ways. His love language is acts of service. So waking you up in the morning before work with a tea, bringing you into the shower and washing your hair for you. Attempting to make you breakfast, driving you to work, letting you choose dinner and he pays, driving to the local supermarket if you’re in dire need of something. He couldn’t do this everyday with his schedule, but whenever he could, he did.

memory (favorite memory together?)

By far, his favourite memory of the both of you was your first time at Wembley. You were shaking in your shoes at the amount of people in the stadium, but Mason managed to get you the closest seats to the pitch with your family. It was the game he scored two goals in, rushing straight over to your side and blowing you kisses. You soon settled in to the crowd, cheering with everyone else. He’d rush over at half time, giving you a quick kiss before leaving you again. And Mason brought you back to the changing rooms to meet the team, keeping you close to him at all times.

nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

Mason’s worst fear is losing everything he has now. He’d be happy to admit he has everything he wants in life, an amazing career, a lovely list of family and friends, as well as someone he will soon have as a wife. He’s had a nightmare that he’d lost you before, the police broke the news to him and he woke up crying, holding you close for the rest of the night.

oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

It’s not so much of a thing now, but it definitely still happens. Before you were together, and Mason was still in the wooing stage, every time he spoke to you, he’d stutter. You found it adorable and took your time with him. You’d never rush him or look away bored, you’d just look into his eyes with a small smile and it’d make it worse. He’d trip on all of his words, trying to compliment you or ask you out. Even now, sometimes if you’re looking extra pretty or he’s just in a really lovey mood, he’ll slip up on his speech every now and then.

pet names (what do they like to call you?)

His go to pet names for you were baby, honey, and sweets. They just randomly caught on one day and never disappeared. But they make your stomach do flips every time you hear them.

quality time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

Being in your company was enough for him. But it’s the mundane things he loves the most. It’s a weird one, but food shopping. For you, it’s an hour of stress. Manoeuvring past other shoppers, trying to find everything on your list, do your back in as you put everything on the belt, and pack in in record time. But for Mason, he’s following you round in a haze. Like a cartoon character in love. Asking if he can get some stuff, which you always agree to, and seeing you in conversation with random shoppers. Finally getting back to the car with the shopping littered in the boot and back seat, Mason’s hand stays in yours as you rest in the passenger seat.

rhythm (what song reminds you of each other?)

You have a shared song, and Mason vows for it to be your wedding song. Easy by Ella Mai. It’s slow, it’s something you both slow danced to when you were drunk out of your minds in your own living room. The party was over and the song just randomly started playing, a frown on your face as you look up at your boyfriend. It wasn’t his usual taste, which is why it was so random. He told you, “I heard it for the first time the day after I met you. And I thought it was so good. So now it reminds me of you.

secrets (how open are they with you?)

The only thing he keeps from you are your birthday gifts, or big surprises for you. And even then, he’s so eager to just tell you. But he shares even the littlest things with you — like Declan falling over at training, about how he shooed away a bunch of girls when he went to buy dinner. You both trust each other and Mason will tell you every last detail about his day if he could.

time (how long did it take you to get together?)

Mason knew almost instantly you’d be his girlfriend, even joking to Chilly that you’d be his wife someday. And you were an oblivious person, so you were none the wiser to his plays, which is why it took a few months to get together. Mason always comments that if you actually noticed he was flirting, you’d have been together within a few weeks. But now you laugh it off after having been together for so long.

upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

He drops everything to help you when you’re upset. A bad day at work, an argument with a friend or family member, or even just a day where the world is against you. He can usually tell by your quiet demeanour, giving him tired answers, and not wanting to cry around him. He’d catch you in the bedroom, flopped onto the bed and huffing. He’d join you, rubbing your back as you go off about your day. He’d listen to it for hours if it meant you were okay, but he’d just run you a bath and tell you he’d be back with dinner shortly.

vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

1000%. He’s the one to tell your family that he’s surprised he bagged you. He’s always saying you’re out of his league, posting you on his Instagram all the time. Showing you off to his friends and family, sending them pictures of the two of you dressed up nice. They all find it adorable — and they know just how much Mason loves you.

warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

It’s on sight. If another man does so much as graze your shoulder, he’ll be on it for you. On the pitch, he’s okay with some confrontation, but anything regarding you, he’s not having it. You’re his and he would beat anyone who questioned it.

Usually, if it’s just a quarrel with a friend, he’ll listen to your side of things and give you some words of encouragement. But if it’s really nasty, he’ll be stepping in and having words. He has a lot of patience, but won’t let you be stood on.

x-ray (how well are they able to read you?)

Like a book, now. But when you were first dating, you hid your emotions well. At least, you thought you did. All it took was one touch from mason, and you were crying like a baby in his arms about your horrible shift. You thought you held up a tough front, but staring up at his eyes, as he looked back at you with concern laced among his features, it told him how you really felt. Now he knows the telltale signs, and he’s there to help.

yes (how would they propose to you?)

Mason thinks about this question a lot. He wonders it in the shower, making you your morning tea, during his downtime at training. He’s even scrolled endlessly through a bunch of rings, asking the opinions of his mum and sister. The question had come up between the two of you, and you’d said how you’d felt about marriage. You wanted it, but big events for a proposal were detested by you.

If it was up to Mase, he’d take you on holiday. Buy you a gorgeous summer dress, take you to the beach and declare his undying love for you. But he’d take a small proposal in bed at 2am, too.

zen (what makes them feel calm?)

As mentioned before, Mason was a sucker for domestic things. Watching you do the shopping as he trails behind you was his idea of spending good time together. But getting home from a long day of training, and smelling whatever dinner you’d concocted for the evening. It was as if your front door was the very gates of Heaven. No matter what happened during the day, the second he smells his dinner and greets you happily, nothing is ruining his mood.

if you guys want me to turn some of these into longer requests, just ask! i’m in the mood to write for mase🥺

#mason mount #mason mount blurb #mason mount imagine #mason mount smut #mason mount x reader #chelsea fc

147 notes · View notes

hogwartswelcomesyou · 7 years ago

Note

Hi, I wanted to check out the Sortings for the Baudelaires but it directed me to Glee. Also, could you please sort the Disney Princes or the characters of Once Upon A Time?

The Prince - Hufflepuff

Snow White’s prince is a dainty man, he sings to woo his lady, he feels careful about scaring her and won’t overstep his boundaries. He feels loyalty to her to save her at the end of her film with a gentle kiss before he returns to mourning her with the rest of the dwarves, only to realize HE is the one who has saved her. He’s patient with her and knows Snow will be ready for him at a later date, and is willing to wait to see her again, he’s kind enough to duet with her and not overshadow her lovely voice and he also accepts Snow entirely, for who she is.

Prince Charming - Hufflepuff

Charming is truly a Prince, in a stereotypical way. He goes to lavish balls, lives in a grand palace and yawns at all the beautiful women put before him because he can see they aren’t the right woman for him (though yawning is a little rude, dude). But he’s humble enough to fall for the woman who gets lost, is late, has no title and who shows him kindness at the first glance. He shows the dedication to find his dream runaway girl, and also keeps his promise to marry her. He’s patient, in his wait (as it could have been anything from 24 hours to find her to weeks!) and values are his new wife’s previous life of hard work, patience, and loyalty to her abusive family. And Hufflepuff’s are very good finders, after all! He just needs a better memory and to ask for names before you start dancing!

Prince Phillip - Gryffindor

Phillip I think, is a cookie cutter Gryffindor. Honestly who else would randomly start singing and dancing with someone in the middle of the forest? You have to have real guts to go up to a true stranger, and attempt to woo them! He will do anything for the love he feels for the ‘peasant girl’, knowing he’s meant to be betrothed to the princess, and is willing to defy his royal duty and father’s orders to do what he wants with his life. The prince also escaped a castle, cut down countless thorns and brambles, battled a dragon, defied Maleficent and that is brave, reckless and chivalrous to no end. He doesn’t even come up with a plan! For being a true old timey prince I sort Philip into Gryffindor!

Prince Eric - Hufflepuff

Prince Eric isn’t exactly an easy sort, but I have to go with Hufflepuff. Prince Eric is kind to every person he meets, but he is sort of oblivious to when others need him. Eric enjoys the little things in life; a day on a boat, a pretty girl, and a big castle. The problem with Eric is though he does have loyalty, it sometimes isn’t the loyalty others expect. He has to be a Hufflepuff!

Beast - Gryffindor

Beast is Gryffindor™. He’s arrogant, thinks he’s the one in the right and boy what a temper. But as the story progresses we can see chivalry ranks high on his list of virtues. Along with being self-sacrificing and being willing to do just about anything for Belle, he is incredibly reckless and daring. I mean who fights without thinking on a roof? And as a chivalrous act, I present to you, letting Gaston live even if the guy was a prick. For his daring, nerve and chivalry I sort Beast into Gryffindor!

Aladdin - Slytherin

The diamond in the rough. This little thief belongs in Slytherin and that is that. From a young age, Aladdin learned that in order to survive he has to do everything he can. And for stealing in a place like the market of Agrabah? You need to be as cunning and sly as can be. If he was caught the guards would cut off his hands. Al has wanted to live in the palace and he was sure that someday he will. That ambition. You can see his cunning and manipulative nature in many examples. The best two are the time he first meets Genie and cons him into saving them all from the Cave of Wonders, without using a wish. And the second instance was when he convinced Jafar to wish himself to become a genie. That was the only way Aladdin could defeat him. Because phenomenal cosmic powers resulted in an itty bitty tiny space. At the end of the movie, it was shown that Genie wanted Al to wish to become a prince again, but Aladdin made a promise to use the last wish to free his friend. That determination to keep a promise strikes me like something a Slytherin would do. While he used all the means necessary to get where he wanted to be, he gave his word and he would rather find another way than go back on his word. After all this and more I sort Laddi into Slytherin.

John Smith - Ravenclaw / Gryffindor

Ravenclaw: John Smith is the ultimate stud of his group of men, everyone knows that when John does something it is the right thing. Despite John’s undeniable bravery, his other qualities are what leads him. When John first meets Pocahontas, instead of shooting her like he normally, it is his job. John lets his curiosity get the best of him, and stop him from doing his job. John Smith is intelligent, and know’s that if he gets his men to see that Pocahontas’ people mean the best and that John’s people also mean the best, other than the governor. His Ravenclaw(ness) is truly proven when he takes the shot for Pocahontas’ dad. John Smith knew that Pocahontas would never be able to truly fall in love with him unless she had her fathers blessing. He also knew that Pocahontas’ father had found a way to make this work, and had been extremely kind to him. John also knew that Pocahontas’ dad would never survive if he stayed, and he would never leave. John Smith could survive a shot, but other’s could not. Ultimately John uses his curiosity, creativity, and intelligence to help him make the decisions he does. -Abigail

Gryffindor: John has no desire to learn, he’s in it for the money and the glory! He is in it for the adventure he’ll have, and to be the courageous first person to find the ‘savages’ and kill one, not to learn about his new environment. He breaks the rules that are meant to keep him safe at night (no Ravenclaw would break logical rules in such a rash way, at least they’d take another person with them) to be a badass, for the sake of it, and he finds it immensely difficult to accept a talking tree and that he could love someone who isn’t from England, while a Ravenclaw could use creativity and logic to realise that he’s just trying to comprehend something else. -Star

Li Shang -Ravenclaw

Li Shang is an icon, following in his father’s footsteps. For me, Shang’s defining moment is when despite the guidance of others, he decides to let Mulan survive. The decision is logical, she saved my life, it doesn’t matter if she is a woman, she saved my life, I’ll save hers. Though Shang showed an increment of kindness to Mulan by letting her survive, he doesn’t treat her with kindness again until he realises her immense intelligence and that she had been telling the truth. Shang is logical and very wise making him a Ravenclaw!

Prince Naveen - Slytherin

Another Prince™. Naveen has had his life handed to him on a silver platter all his life, and he’s never learned to chop vegetables or gain any real-life skills. I mean, it’s all well and good to play guitar, but when you’re a prince, I imagine they likely expect more of you than that. He’s ambitious, to want to be a guitar player (that doesn’t come easy!) , he is resourceful, in using his charm to convince Tiana to kiss him, knowing it is likely the only way he’ll get a kiss and a chance at his old life back, which also shows his cunning. To impress his love, he also learns to mince, even though he finds it difficult at first, which shows off his determination at doing what he wants if he puts his mind to it, and he wants to look after himself first. He lied to Tiana about having oodles of cash to save her restaurant, just to protect himself and turn himself human again, so he could go after his dream life with very little regard for what Tiana wanted.

Eugene Fitzherbert -Slytherin

Eugene/Flynn is truly a well-written dude, he’s sly, cunning, charming, daring, chivalrous, witty, AND lives to serve himself. His Slytherin traits though are his defining ones, being his resourcefulness in doing what Blondie wanted in order to get what he wanted, later on, his ambition is wanting to live somewhere am sunny, tanned, rested and alone, surrounded by enormous piles of money, which, same. He knows what he wants and he’ll do ALMOST anything to do it, so long as it doesn’t hurt him, which is where the self-preservation comes in. He only really changes his viewpoint on the world after he gets to know Rapunzel, but it only shifts a little, and he then views himself and Rapunzel as his little group, and the changes from protecting only himself to protecting their little bubble, which shows how he values fraternity as well, though it does take a little while to show it.

168 notes · View notes

thelazyhermits · 7 years ago

Text

A possible story prompt?

Lol Hey Haze XD Sorry for disappearing for a while but i’ve been looking for a few reverse harem fics fo Undertale when I got this idea for a story and I basically just wrote out everything that I’ve thought out so far and I wanted opinions on it. If it gets good enough of a response I might write it, or I’ll just put it out so someone else can write the idea. The basic premise i’m pretty sure someone else has written something similar, but this is my take on it so I wanted your opinion on it and what I can do to improve it, or what you think other people who might know how to improve it.

So here you go

An AU where its a Megaverse, where when all Monsters got out of the mountain, their AU versions came up with them. When Monsters came out on the surface, it was hard to ID everyone since they’re were alternative versions of themselves (Even of Frisk and Chara) and their different background, so to differentiate each other they added Middle Names to their ID’s which they choose. So the ‘common’ nicknames are just nicknames(Like Blueberry and Stretch, etc), but some characters will be referred by their official middle names (Cuz i thought nicknames like Crooks and Axe were kind of mean so yeah), so as to avoid insults.

All the Sans’s and Papyrus’s are billionaires and are involved in a thing where the first to find and bond with their chosen mate becomes the Head of the Skeleton family. (Who proposes this? Maybe too much in house fighting resulted in this proposition to be made by US!Alphys and UT!Undyne betting that there was no way they could get someone to fall in love with them with the way they were acting???)

Rules to the Competition thing to be named:

They can’t tell their chosen Mate the stakes or about the competition (AKA head of family). They have to seduce and charm their chosen mate with their own wits and talents.

If they don’t know their status of wealth (As in what positions they are as head companies and real status of wealth), they are not allowed to tell them, their chosen mates have to figure it out themselves.

They Can’t marry and then divorce, they have to soul bond mutually and prove it by the bonds tying their souls.

They can’t force someone to fall in love with them by magic or other methods.

They can’t sabotage one another’s attempts to woo someone (dolly so if they are pursuing the same person)

The first one to bond and Mate with their chosen prospectives, earns the right to be the Head of the household.

Enter MC, who is an author that is aquatinted with Muffet and Grilby (cuz she loves sweets), who somehow gets involved with the Skeletons by accident. Some fall in love at first sight, other just wanted to piss each other off, eventually became a fight not for the head, but for the hand of the MC, who is somewhat oblivious of it all.

MC- An author of somewhat renown, whose books touch people emotionally. Shy, sweet with a wicked sense of humor. Puns is something she loves but sometimes have a slow reaction to, but when she recognizes it, she’ll howl for days. When it comes to love, she’s like a classic shoujo protagonist, dense and airheaded. Some social cues go over her head, not all, but some especially in regards to flirting. She’s also incredibly stubborn on some opinions, but she knows when she’s wrong so she’ll apologize. Has no sense of direction and depends on her phone for directions. Love sweets and has no alcohol tolerance. Lives in an apartment in Monster Town. Was raised by her Grandmother when her parents passed away and still keeps in touch with her. She is aware that Monsters are rich from the Gold Exchange and assumes this of UT!Sans and UT!Papyrus when they first met (which was like 6 months after they got out of the Underground) but is unaware of how truly rich the two became when in those six months they became pros in their professions (she knows of what professions they are in, but are unaware of their positions and how famous they truly are since she stays in Monster town all the time and monsters don’t overreact when Sans and Co became filthy rich). Just considers them like all monsters. Is unaware that they have a huge ‘family’.

All monsters are rich from the Gold exchange when they got out of the mountain, but the Skeleton household are on another level.

UT Sans - Head of IT company, basically redone computers and phones in a revolutionary pace and almost became a billionaire by accident. He has a second job as Grilby’s comedian sometimes. Still loves Ketchup and puns and is still really lazy. Was acquitted with the MC before the Competition when he told a run and she took such a long time to react, but when she did she howled with laughter. This was just soon after they got out of the surface. Took an interest from then on.

UT Papyrus - A Master Chef who has numerous famous restaurant chains. Has several cookbooks published in human and monster food and has advanced cuisine in both technology and techniques. Was passionate in his job and somehow ended up with more money than he needed. Is an acquaintance of the MC and sometimes teaches her to cook. Is already infatuated with her when she was kind with him when they first got out of the surface when tensions were still high between the two races.

US Sans - Head of several athletic companies, a successful business man who has a successful worldwide brand of athletica for monsters and humans. Is still very active and jogs often. Has not yet met the MC as of the beginning of the story but forms a crush when they first meet when she was kind to him for consoling him when he and Stretch got into a fight.

US Papyrus - Head of a successful game company. He had revolutionized a new game engine and is in progress of developing a fully functioning VR experience. Is still very laid back and still loves Honey. Is fond of the MC after helping him and his brother patch things up. Wasn’t really interested in the competition but eventually…

UF Sans - Head of an Automobile company. Revolutionized the Engine and made cars and bikes run smoother than ever. Has his own customized bike and treats it like its his baby. Was interested in the MC when his flirting sort of flew over her head, and when she accidentally flirted back unconsciously he got flustered. Was his goal originally to get the MC flustered but he got in too deep… In the Underground was lazy and was treated badly by Papyrus in public, but at home they were kind to one another and took down those facades. They have a strong bond.

UF Papyrus - Head of Fashion company. It was a surprise for everyone when he went into this but it started when somebody challenged his sense of fashion (given that his uniform had spikes) so he took on the challenge and designed suits and clothing that wowed the world and became an internationally famous designer almost overnight. Still very fit and trained for duties of the Royal Guard. He’s a very ruthless businessman and met the MC when she was dressed sloppily and couldn’t stand it and forced her to change her clothes to something more neat. Starts Tsundere, but as he slowly falls in love with the MC becomes more and more devoted to the MC and eventually is super devoted to the MC that when he tries to seduce her he bring the big guns (Flowers, clothes, fancy stuff) which sorts of confuses the MC because how did Tsundere become DereDere all of a sudden??? IN the Underground he had to act tough with everyone and his brother, but at night some days he would ask Sans to read to him his favorite story. They have a strong bond. He nags on his brother to be more active (though not as much as before given how successful they are) for his health.

SF Sans - Head of a famous hotel chain. HIs hotels are rated to be of the highest quality and hospitality and famous people are always eager to stay at his hotel chains. HIs hotels are also infamous for having Casino’s in them and people tend to gamble their money away which he keeps. Was unimpressed with the MC as he met her later on compared to the other, but is taken in by her kindness eventually. Like UF Papyrus, he was a total Tsundere when he met the MC, and originally pursued her because he wanted to steal her from everyone else to piss everyone off, but eventually became DereDere for her. He wants to spoil her (which the MC always refuses) and wants to be spoiled by her. He acts petulant when the MC doesn’t pay attention to him . Loves his brother but in his underground he had to act cruel to him in public, though at home they were affectionate and Papyrus would read him his favorite stories at night to issue each other.

SF Papyrus - Is a famous Auction holder and bidding master. He gathers infamous antiques that originally seem like they are worth nothing but are actually historical or monetary treasures. Earned his keep by accident. Also occasionally bids on stocks that he always gets right. He loves his brother and knows why his brother treated him badly in the underground but given their nightly readings, they hold very strong bonds. Though unfortunately as a side effect he has low self-esteem which he hides by acting confident and apathetic. Just went along with his brother’s plan to seduce the MC but fell in love pretty fast with the MC because she was super kind to him.

HT Sans and Papyrus - They both share an agriculture company and advocate for less food waste and contribute to lower starvation rates. They have been known to develop agriculture techniques and advance agriculture that it reduced food waste and compost. UT Papyrus and HT Papyrus have good relations given that UT Paps requests ingredients from him. They work together really often. Although UT Sans is somewhat wary of HT Sans because of what they went through, he is kind to HT Paps because he is still another version of his brother. When they got out to the surface, they had their injuries looked at, so HT Paps has braces and glasses, while HT Sans got his hole fixed. Though HT sans is slower than UT Sans, he is slowly regaining back his former magic prowess that he once had. Was introduced to the MC by UT Papyrus and are intrigued by her.

G!Sans - Head of an internationally famous Music Company. HE himself is a famous singer but he has so few released tracks that they are weighted in gold. Only a select few have heard him sing in person. He manages and creates top artists constantly. Has a large fanbase and still smokes and were leather. Met the MC when she visited Sans in his house (which she did not think would be a mansion) and is amused by the whole situation and thought to meddle because he thought it would be fun, accidentally got in too deep.

G!Papyrus - Head of an internationally known Pharmaceutical Company. Has advanced medicine by leaps and bounds and has cured several diseases. Has a love of tea and would like his ‘brother’ (He came from a version of echo tale that fused Gaster and Papyrus, so technically he is not brother with G but they got along together so well, they treat each other as brothers- this head cannon was from TheLazyHermit) to stop smoking. is an absolute gentlemen and due to his personality he is loved by many people and has his own large fanbase. Treats the MC kindly and is slowly developing feelings for her.

Other AU’s to be added??? I dunno?? Maybe, but given how many Skeles are here already adding more might be too much XD

What do you think of this so far? I have so many Undertale Prompts that I want to write but might never produce cuz the idea can get super longwinded… Maybe I’ll just post a bunnyplot pile and let people use the ideas…

I talked with Silver and got the ok to post this, so we could see if any of y’all had any ideas you wanted to contribute for this story plot. Also, if you wanna try writing this, be sure to give proper credit and let Silver know. ^-^

#submission #this is a really good story idea #I love it #having them as heads of all these different companies is so cool #it really suits them #I especially love that this idea includes Aster #cause I'm all for some G Pap XD #this would be such a fun story to read #I love it <3 #I'll never turn down the chance to read about skeletons in suits haha

19 notes · View notes

oraclesoftime · 5 years ago

Text

Futures Known But Unspoken

CHAPTER 30 Missing 2014 They rode the horses late into the night, but after a while Thorin finally deemed it was okay to have a break. Belle practically fell off the horse, it was tad bit bigger than the pony they had rode during the beginning of their journey. Lane snickered as she got off the horse next, “Still don’t have a grasp on how to ride a horse?” “Hey, Benny is taller than Spirit…” Belle grumbled, “At least my butt doesn’t hurt.” “Why do you keep naming every horse we ride?” Lane said as she rolled her eyes. “Because I like too!” Belle stated patting the horse’s nose, “It helps me relax around the animal… ”“And this is why I think you’re weird,” Lane countered. As the company settled for the night, Belle asked Lane how she was feeling. “I’m fine, Izz.” “Are you sure? I could make you more tea…” “If you make me drink more of that nasty grass water, I will punch you. In your wounded shoulder,” Lane growled. “You wouldn’t dare, like come on Lane!” Belle groaned, “Just cause your stitches are out, doesn’t mean you’re a hundred percent!” Ori was tending to the fire as the two woman bickered, Dwalin bringing more wood for the fire. Belle continued to pester poor Lane, only for the taller woman to shout, “I’M FINE IZZ, NOW LEAVE IT ALONE!” At the moment the fire they were sitting by popped and crackled loudly as Dwalin added more wood to the fire. Belle jumped in her seat, making Lane snicker, “Well, that added to the atmosphere.” Belle took in a deep breath, “That scared me…” Lane laughed softly as she stared into the fire. Belle leaning her head against Lane’s shoulder. As the night continued, Belle felt an itch in her shoulder, but couldn’t reach it. She frowned, just before Oin appeared, “May I have a look at your stitches Lass?” Belle made a face, she hated having someone touch her wounded shoulder, considering she was super embarrassed at how much of clutz she had been and any slight touch hurt a lot. She sighed though when Lane gave her a pointed look. It was a look Belle was familiar with, especially after their time at Beorn’s and Lane had to hold Belle down at least twice for more salve to be applied. Belle nodded tiredly as she allowed Oin to unwrap her shoulder. Belle couldn’t see it, but Lane watched as Oin went to work, the taller woman whistling at the sight. “It’s really inflamed Izz…” Lane commented, “Are you feeling any pain? Fever?” Belle shook her head, “No.” “Just means she’s healing lassie,” Oin said as he placed more salve along Belle’s wound, “It is healing nicely...but I fear it will scar.” Belle sighed heavily, “Oh well. Not the first scar, I have kind of come to terms with it…” “It’s your little badge of honour,” Lane said as she gave Belle a smile, “You could always say that you got it fighting a troll or something, saving a damsel in distress.” “Damsel in distress?” Belle repeated, cocking her eyebrow at her friend, “Who the heck would that be? ”“Your future husband?” “And why would anyone in middle earth need me to save them?” Lane snickered, “You said it not me…” “I’m just saying, I don’t see me playing the prince, not to mention almost all the people we know are badass,” Belle stated as Oin finished wrapping her shoulder. “Ye be more a Princess,” Dwalin commented then cleared his throat. Lane laughed, “Princess Izz, this isn’t Disney.” “Dis...ney?” Dori questioned curiously. “It’s a term we use to call the stories of all sorts of Princesses and Heroines…” Belle explained, “The man who used to tell these stories was named Disney.” “Strange name,” Bofur commented.Belle giggled, “It is…” Lane gave Bofur a shit eating grin, “Not as weird as someone else’s I know,” she gave the dwarf a look. Bofur made a face at Lane as the taller woman laughed and Belle rolled her eyes at her friend as she said, “Besides, I’m not going to marry a prince or anything, so I’m no Princess.” “Well, what about that Mr. Leggles fellow?” Bilbo commented, “I thought he was a possible suitor? Or does he not know you fancy him?” Lane busted a gut as she leaned over laughing, holding her sides, “Oh man, Bilbo…” “What? What did I say?” Bilbo asked as Belle looked at him with surprise. “I can’t believe…” Lane gasped for air. “Bilbo...I think you’ve been hanging out with Lane too long,” Belle explained gently trying not to be angry with the Hobbit for slightly making fun of her ability of wooing men. Bilbo blinked in surprise at Belle’s comment, while Lane continued to snicker, “Who would you recommend Bilbo? A Dwarf?” Bilbo looked around the large groups of dwarves. He looked thoughtful for a moment before saying, “That is not my place...I am not Lady Isabella’s father.” Both women started laughing at the serious tone of Bilbo’s, even some of the dwarves joined in the laughter as well. At the back of Belle’s mind though, Bilbo mentioning that he wasn’t her dad, caused her to miss home a tiny bit, a sense of longing taking over. Balin gave Belle a gentle smile, “Lady Isabella would make a fine wife, she has a lot of good qualities.” Bilbo nodded, “Yes, she is quite the amazing cook. Lane would make a fine wife as well,” Bilbo was trying to include Lane, “She’s got a talent with needle and thread.” Belle burst out giggling as Lane replied, “Yeah, that’s not happening. Not interested in marrying anyone.” Bilbo gave both women a confused look, as Bofur chimed, “Don’t ye’ want to wear a weddin’ gown like all the lassies?” Lane threw a rock at Bofur as she answered him, “I’m not like all the lassies. If I end up in a committed relationship with someone, why should a piece of paper be so important and change anything? It’s redundant in my opinion...” Before the situation could get out of hand, Belle looked over at Bombur who had a spoon in his hand. She smiled at him and asked, “Bombur, how’s supper coming?” “It is ready,” Bombur replied. Everyone grew silent as Belle helped Bombur hand out the bowls of stew. The topic of marriage and gowns lost in the sound of everyone eating the stew. Later that night as everyone began to relax and set out their bedrolls, Belle’s longing for home grew. They’d been in Middle Earth for so long now, Belle was beginning to wonder if her family missed her or did they give up on searching for her? And what about Lane’s family, were they worried? Or did they think she was off galavanting with someone? To be quite honest she wouldn’t be surprised if they thought she was with Doogie, the man had a habit of randomly running away with the taller woman for long stretches of time. Belle stared up at the sky, they weren’t far from Mirkwood now and aside from the excitement of seeing Mirkwood Elves, Belle’s heart couldn’t bear the fear of seeing a giant spider. The ones back home, which were much more smaller in comparison, always gave her quite a scare when she saw them. She was not ready nor thrilled about possibly meeting the giant ones in person, officially. Belle tried to clear her mind, tried to focus on something aside from eight-legged creatures. She tried to focus on memories of home. Of her Grandfather’s homemade stew, of her mother’s loud voice calling for her to do a small chore. She tried to recount the number of different flowers she had helped place in her Grandparents’ garden - the garden she cared for even after her Grandma had passed. At some point, Belle completely drifted off into a deep sleep. She knew she was dreaming and yet it felt so real. It was quiet around her as she turned in circles, looking at the large trees surrounding her. She was in a forest area, perhaps this was from all the travelling. It had happened to her in the past, her dreams would sometimes take on the images of the world within her reality. All of a sudden, the sound of running water could be heard in the distance. Belle realized she was standing on a path, and the sound of water drew out her curiosity. She followed the path, the ground feeling almost like soft sand on a beach - it seemed her dreamself didn’t have a pair of shoes. The path opened up and lead to a small shore line, where in front of Belle was a gorgeous waterfall, cascading into a fairly large lake. Belle couldn’t help the small grin spreading across her face as she stuck her bare feet in the cool water. The lake was crystal clear and listening to the waterfall was sending a soothing feeling through Belle. Out of the corner of her eye, Belle noticed something moving in the water. She squinted trying to get a more focused look on the thing moving. Belle didn’t feel frightened although she wondered why, she wondered why she felt calm and at ease? Something rose from the water, Belle blinked in utter surprise. Shaped from the water was a version of Belle, expect younger? Why did the water turn into a younger version of herself? Why was at least five year old her standing before her? The water waved at Belle to come forward, Belle mindlessly stepped forward and then the small her disappeared. Belle looked down at the water and an image of Legolas appeared. Belle felt her face heat up at the sight of the elven prince, she knew she might meet him in person, but this image made her nervous. How would she act in front of him? The image continued to play, like a video, it showed Legolas speaking with his father as Thranduil killed the orc who would have spoken about the darkness. Belle couldn’t believe as the images on the water continued. Belle watched as Legolas found Tauriel and spoke with her about not getting involved. Belle knew that in the books Tauriel didn’t exist, but she was glad she had been in the movies. Tauriel talked sense about being part of something bigger and that spoke big in Belle’s core. She had always wanted to be part of something. The water rippled and small Belle reappeared, she smiled and Belle spoke to her smaller water self. “Do you remember what being home felt like?” The water Belle didn’t reply, but showed Belle one more silent image - Belle was beginning to think her dreams were messed up - showing her family and the times they had fun. Belle smiled happily and turned her gaze back to the water Belle, “Thank you…” Belle whispered gently, before her dream world began to fade. “Lady Isabella?” Bilbo spoke gently as he shook her shoulder slightly, “It’s time to get up. We’re heading out soon.” Belle groaned, rubbing at her eyes and then began to stretch. The sun was just appearing in the sky, birds singing loudly and Belle couldn’t help but want to pull a Fiona from Shrek. The birds seemed so loud this particular morning. Maybe it had been the comment Kili had mentioned a few days ago about Lane and her performing for them. She should have gotten over it, but it was still on the back of her mind, she had grown quite fond of the group and the knowledge she had hurt her. Belle sighed heavily as Lane grumbled and groaned next to her, “I hate mornings…” Belle yawned before saying, “You would think we would have gotten better at mornings…” Bilbo chuckled, “You both really don’t like getting up.” Lane grumbled as Belle spotted Bombur packing up the pots and pans. She had finished packing her things and walked over, “Bombur, can I help you?” Bombur looked surprised, “It’s alright My Lady, I am almost done. Thank you for the offer.” “Okay,” Belle said and returned to where Lane and Bilbo were sitting. Belle rubbed at her eyes and Lane cocked an eyebrow, “Didn’t sleep?” “I did...but I just feel like I walked a thousand miles or something,” Belle shrugged, “Or I’m slipping back into old habits of hating mornings.” Lane shook her head at Belle and snickered as Bilbo offered Belle an apple. Belle took the apple giving the Hobbit a gentle smile, “Thank you Bilbo.” “You are most welcome,” Bilbo replied giving Belle a smile back. Thorin began to bark orders at everyone to get on their horses and Belle sighed, “Time to get going I suppose?” Lane nodded as the women headed to their horse, Belle patted Benny’s nose, “Ready to go Benny?” The horse snorted and Belle giggled as the breath warmed her face. Belle heard a chuckle, she turned to see Gandalf already on his horse, looking down at her, “I recall when you once feared a certain pony that you had to ride, and Lane here made you walk…” Belle was about to comment when Lane snickered, “I’ll do it again if she bitches about being on this horse.” “We don’t have time for you to kick me off a horse because I complained,” Belle pointed out before sticking her tongue out at Lane. “Better be careful Izz, I’ll bite that off,” Lane threatened with a wink. Belle’s eyes grew wide, “You wouldn’t dare!” “Don’t tempt me…” Lane grinned, shooting forward and giving an audible snap with her teeth. Chuckles echoed around the women as Belle took Lane’s hand and got up on their horse. Belle patted the back of the horse’s neck as Lane took the reins and moved Benny in the direction they needed to go. The group began to pick up the pace, Belle closing her eyes and just enjoying the damp air. A light mist of rain began to fall, not enough to make everyone soaked, but enough to hear Lane grumble, “Why can’t we have one nice semi-cloudy day.” “Because mother nature loves getting me soaking wet,” Belle replied. “Kinky,” Lane chuckled as Belle elbowed the taller woman. “Me next~” “Not in that way Lane!” Belle sighed and allowed her gaze to look around. She pondered for a moment and then said to Lane, “I wonder how close Beorn is...he’s out there or supposed to be right?” Belle couldn’t see Lane but she nodded, “He’s supposed to be at least…” “I hope he’s staying safe,” Belle stated gently, “I wouldn’t want to see him get hurt.” “Beorn is a badass,” Lane stated with a small laugh, “He’ll be fine Izz.”

#Futures Known But Unspoken #Tolkien fanfiction #The Hobbit fanfiction

0 notes

scottgalina · 5 years ago

Text

Every Kellyoke So Far, Ranked

My morning routine at work has become thus: First, I enjoy the greatest iced coffee with skim milk and sugar that New York City has to offer, courtesy of Bashir on the northwest corner of 43rd and Broadway. Second, I do whatever work things I have to do that are none of your business (unless you’re someone I work with in which case I prioritize your things). Third--and at this point it’s around 10:45a/11:00a--I open YouTube and click my first recommended video and laugh. You see, every weekday morning, without fail, in the top left corner of my YouTube homepage is the day’s Kellyoke. If for some reason you’re reading this and don’t know what Kellyoke is, allow me to educate you. Kellyoke is the way Kelly Clarkson opens every episode of The Kelly Clarkson Show. But more than that, it is, quite simply, a way of life.

Born from Kelly’s extensive history of #KCRequests on tour (fans request songs on Twitter, she covers them) Kellyokes are approximately two minute covers of popular songs--usually a verse, chorus, bridge, culminating with Kelly simply vocalizing at the end. This is where I laugh. I laugh because not since Jessie J was on that Chinese reality show has there been such a consistent stream of covers sung so exquisitely and captured with such perfect audio.

And I laugh because Kelly Clarkson’s voice is not to be believed. I know everyone “knows” what a good singer she is, but I’m not sure that people have fully come around to the cold, hard fact that she’s one of the greatest vocalists of all time. Certainly that she’s the greatest singer of her generation.

Each Kellyoke begins with a “Woo!” or “How y’all doing?” or some other burst of excitement from our fearless leader. Then she launches into the cover of the day. Sometimes (mostly upbeat songs) she’ll travel through the audience, traversing down and up stairs and dancing through the rows. Other times she stays stationary at a mic stand either by her band, or somewhere else in the studio surrounded by fans. (This super informative, though nowhere near long enough (nothing could be, really), Vulture piece sheds a little more light onto what goes into these decisions.) Most end with Kelly at “home base” in front of the couches she interviews guests on, which is captured by a weird camera that seems like it’s a GoPro and is stationary so never has her perfectly framed, and always seems lower quality than the other cameras. Kelly concludes each song with another “Woo!” or “Hey!” and always gestures to her band, usually accompanied by her saying “Give it up for my band, y’all!” She’s a class act! (If you’re used to watching Kellyokes on YouTube, then you’re used to them immediately being followed by the official Kelly Clarkson Show bumper which begins with Kelly saying “I will not stop talking.” I learned how to use GarageBand so I could edit that out from the mp3s I make of each Kellyoke. It’s a sad life, what can I say!)

As God decided was my duty (I was bored and, again, sad life!), I recently rewatched all of the Kellyokes that have aired to this date (I mean, you can imagine, it wasn't a hardship.) and below have “ranked” them. But I use the term very loosely. Because how can you rank perfection? Even the “worst” (and I use it even looser this time) Kellyoke is still at least a minute and a half of KELLY CLARKSON SINGING. Which is better than anything else on the planet. It’s better than mango even. So please take the “ranking” aspect lightly.

A brief housekeeping note: I have omitted both the first Kellyoke, “9 to 5”, because it was the first and there was a pre-taped component to it, and the medley of her own songs she performed on November 1st, because I wanted the list to only be covers. “Can’t Stop the Feeling” was performed on November 6th but seems to have been scrubbed from the internet. I remember it being perfectly fine, but didn’t include it because I can’t prove it. I’ve also not counted the November 21st “Neon Moon” cover because it was performed with Gwen Stefani, Blake Shelton, and John Legend, and November 25th’s “Ain’t Going Down (Til the Sun Comes Up)” because it was a duet with Garth Brooks. This is about KELLY and KELLY ONLY.

With all that out of the way, please find every Kellyoke so far ranked.

53. Express Yourself - 9/20/19 Okay, this one is really scary. On paper all the pieces are there: Kelly Clarkson, looking amazing, singing one of Madonna’s most famous songs, working her way through her audience. The catch is that the audience in this instance has been replaced by soulless facsimiles of human beings that seem to have been directed to tune out the music they can hear and instead focus on a song in their head (keeping what it is to themselves) and engage with Kelly as though that’s what she’s singing. It’s horrifying to watch as no one sings along with her and everyone claps to a different beat. Even when she gets to two seemingly gay men, they don’t sing along! Were they told not to? It’s almost like when you watch a party scene in a movie or TV show and you know they either played elevator music or were dancing in complete silence because they didn’t know what song they were going to dub it in later. This is a good excuse to make something the worst and not have it be Kelly’s fault, because she’s perfect.

A quick note on the audiences of The Kelly Clarkson Show before we go any further. It’s unclear what they’re told before each taping. A lot of times it seems as though they’re instructed to clap any which way but on the beat. Almost like the warm-up person says to everyone “Forget anything you’ve heard or instinctively felt about clapping!” It’s very strange. It’s also very strange to watch the way they interact with Kelly Clarkson who is singing sometimes inches from their faces. I know you can’t judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes, but I am VERY confident in saying that if Kelly Clarkson was singing anywhere CLOSE to my body, I would be neither calm nor collected. I might be shocked. I might be stunned. I might faint. But in no way would I be able to carry on normally. More of all this throughout the list!

52. Believer - 9/19/19 This is a totally solid entry that suffers only because it aired back-to-back with the “Express Yourself” episode and I resent how into this song the audience here is; the total opposite of the other one. Everyone should know “Express Yourself”! I don’t think that’s too much to ask!

51. Come and Get It - 11/8/19 This is ranked low mostly because I’ve always had an issue with a song that’s opening lyric is a young woman singing to a man “You ain’t gotta worry, it’s an open invitation,” so this choice bummed me out. Kelly sounds great, but we’ll keep moving!

50. Cake By the Ocean - 11/13/19 A pretty straightforward rendition of a song that doesn’t allow many vocal pyrotechnics. That’s okay. It’s still early.

49. Blow Your Mind 10/8/19 The least-known song Kelly’s covered so far (I think? Right?) leads to some pretty low energy from the audience. Kelly sounds really good, but the whole thing just kind of...happens.

48. Happy - 11/22/19 This is about exactly what you’d expect, which is not a bad thing. Kelly Clarkson singing can never be a bad thing!

47. Wrecking Ball - 10/15/19 An understated opening with a bit of a funereal vibe, if we’re being honest. This one finds Kelly starting planted in the middle of the audience with a few terribly uncomfortable looking people right in her shot. She plays with the melody which we love, and things get better once she starts walking, but all in all this isn’t one that moves the needle.

46. Delicate - 11/5/19 Some confusing excitement at the top as we try to figure out where Kelly is and what’s going on and then it’s like...Oh! She’s there and that’s what’s going on! We almost do really well with a song that feels like it’s fool-proof in terms of clapping on the beat, but our friend in white and our other friend in yellow prove that’s not quite the case! It really takes all kinds!

45. Sucker - 9/10/19 The second Kellyoke, and first proper one, is perfectly solid. The faster parts trip her up on the words a little, but her voice sounds impeccable on the chorus.

44. You Look Good - 11/11/19 My biggest takeaway from this perfectly lovely Kellyoke is that Kelly’s pocket is literally...every note ever written. It’s a common theme that will come up over and over on this list, but it never ceases to amaze me how flawlessly she sings. Even watching all of these videos back to back, it doesn’t get old! She is the greatest singer in the world!

43. Juice - 9/30/19 She’s looking great and having fun here! If I could complain, it would be about Kelly not singing enough, which reminds me of a story MIA told after she worked on Christina Aguilera’s album Bionic. MIA was excited to write songs to show off Christina’s insane range and Christina was excited to make mellow, less-showy songs in MIA’s style that didn’t require her to belt the way she usually does. It seems their time together was...fraught.

42. Jealous - 10/16/19 Kelly’s at home, both in leopard print and staying in one place at a mic stand in the band area. It seems pretty obvious that it’s because she really does not know the words to this one, and to make her navigate the stair-business along with the cue-card-business would be totally unfair. We have many more exciting entries on this list, but then she does....that at the end and you wonder why anyone else bothers singing ever!

41. What Makes You Beautiful - 10/10/19 This is fun for everyone, and the arm swaying alleviates all the clapping mishegoss so the audience looks good too. Nothing of it is too consequential, but her alternatives to the melody at the end are great!

40. Independence Day - 10/23/19 If this entry is a tad underwhelming, it’s only because it’s so in Kelly’s wheelhouse. But what a wheelhouse to be in!

39. Ain't No Other Man - 9/16/19 A lot of YouTube comments on this video (Yes, I read the comments. Have I not been completely transparent about how miserable I am??) suggest that Kelly was holding back vocally on this one which feels true. Is it because she’s not fully confident on the choppy arrangement? Is it because Christina was a guest that day? Is it because she wasn’t feeling well? Who could ever know. Regardless, she still sounds better than literally every other singer on their very best day so who cares? My only true “note”: It would’ve been nice to hear the “D-do your thang, honey,” right?

38. Any Man of Mine - 10/18/19 Another song that Kelly seems to love singing. I know I’m wrong, but the violin player doesn’t necessarily feel like he’s not chasing her throughout this whole thing. This is also, by my calculations, the first ever Kellyoke to feature a key change. We love to see it! (Am I using that right?)

37. Let Me Blow Ya Mind (10/9/19) The strangest thing about this Kellyoke entry is that every which way its listed on YouTube only credits Eve, leaving out Gwen Stefani, which I can’t figure out. The title is “Let Me Blow Ya Mind (Eve Cover) By Kelly Clarkson | Kellyoke” and the description is “Kelly Clarkson covers Eve's 2001 single, "Let Me Blow Ya Mind" for a live audience.” What gives? This one really makes the case for Kelly making every single song sound, not necessarily better, but like a song that was written for her. Maybe there are songs she wouldn’t sound good singing. If there are, she’s smart enough to not try!

36. Roar - 10/11/19 Kelly’s “Woo” at the beginning is maybe the most excited one in the Kellyoke canon. She looks great in purple (even if the sleeves are a little funky) and the vocal run on the final “roar” is breathtaking. A real motley crew of audience members here!

35. What About Us - 11/4/19 A slightly wonky arrangement that Kelly can’t seem to get in the groove of, but it’s Her singing P!nk, so it’s hard to complain. Kelly and P!nk should co-headline a stadium tour together. I think everyone would love that. Thank you in advance!

34. Shut Up and Dance - 9/23/19 This is all good and fun, but I’m most fascinated by the two women at the 26 second mark, one of whom seems to be hugging herself in order to reach her hands back to her wife, girlfriend, friend, or stranger behind her. It’s a really sweet moment that’s only marred when Kelly gets closer and the woman releases her hands to reveal that she, like the vast majority of The Kelly Clarkson Show audience members, hasn’t yet mastered the basic human function that is clapping.

33. Wild One - 10/17/19 Kelly enters through a new side door for this one, bypassing using the stairs at all. This one is great because Kelly seems to really genuinely love the song.

32. Straight Up - 11/18/19 This one is fun both because it’s unlike most of the other songs on this list and because Paula Abdul was the guest that day (along with Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson, and Justin Guarini.) The lyric flub during the first chorus is a little vexing, but for the most part it’s all just a joy, with everyone firing on all cylinders.

31. Love Me Like You Do - 10/7/19 This song feels a tiny bit like you can hear her say “Oh, I know that one. Let’s just do that.” right before she goes on. The high pony seems like it was styled by God and the option-up at 1:01 garners a rare reaction (from the girl on the aisle and her, seemingly, sister) that acknowledges that the people in the audience are MERE FEET from Kelly Clarkson while she sings like THAT. Kelly’s vocals at the end are gorgeous.

30. Sugar - 10/29/19 This is the perfect example of a song that Kelly sings and instantly makes feel like her latest single. Her voice just elevates everything! There is nothing she can’t sing! I hope I’ve made that clear at this point! The audience loves this one and how cute is Jessi with her beret and tambourine? Give it up for Jessi, y’all!

29. Mine - 10/28/19 Kelly looks and sounds amazing here and the audience crowded around her are all doing their best impressions of human beings having a good time and enjoying live music.

28. Can't Feel My Face - 10/14/19 A fabulous horn-centric arrangement lets Kelly’s voice really soar. One of the best audiences, clapping-wise, that we’ve seen.

27. Ride - 11/14/19 Obviously the stars of this entry are Kelly’s dress and hair and the queen in the audience who knows all the words. We get the octave jump earlier than usual which is exciting.

26. Feel It Still - 11/20/19 I’m wondering how many of the artists whose work is represented on this list have heard these covers. Do you think they lose their minds? Are they so honored? Does it make them crazy to know that they will ever be able to sing as well as her? Do they reach out to her privately? Or can they not stand the thought of speaking to someone so talented?

25. Til the World Ends - 9/26/19 When I first saw that she was singing this, I was thrilled because, along with “I Will Wait”, “Crazy For You”, “Go Rest High on That Mountain”, and “My Man”, her 2012 cover of the full version is one of my favorite #KCRequests of all time. (If she ever does “I Will Wait” for Kellyoke I will cease to exist. Know that.) This arrangement is a little different and a little slow to my ear, but still...what a song!

24. Miss Me More - 9/17/19 Kelly’s having a great time with this one in spite of an audience full of people who are dressed like they didn’t know they’d be on national TV, not only that day but in this lifetime, nor are capable of acknowledging that Kelly Clarkson is singing like that a few feet from their stupid faces. Bonus points for the logo colors. Pink goes good with green.

23. Lips Are Movin' - 10/30/19 We still don’t know why this had one of the most dramatic entrances in Kellyoke history (I can only assume it’s because they taped it the same day as the Halloween episode and wanted to take advantage of Bridget being at the studio? Can anyone reading this even begin to imagine how terrible it is in my head?) but it turns into a perfectly lovely rendition.

22. Never Be Like You - 11/7/19 What could it possibly feel like to sing like this? Do us mere mortals have a point of reference? Is it similar to the way we walk or sleep because it’s so easy for her? Or is it something she has to work towards and feels accomplished after completing like me jogging for one city block or completing a customer service phone call?

21. If It Makes You Happy - 9/25/19 A little low energy and doesn’t lend itself totally to the walking around (she almost doesn’t it make it to where she needs to be at the end!), but again, her voice is so unreal that it doesn’t really matter. I wonder why she chose to do the second verse (“I still get stoned” isn’t totally her brand) and it’s nuts to me that the verse is literally low for her but...whatever! HPA (high pony alert) as well!

20. Uptown Funk - 11/18/19 First of all, how great is this entire look? This made me smile because when it started I thought, “Oh sure, we know how this will go.” And then I thought a little ahead through the rest of the song and was like “Oh shit, she’s really going to tear into all the ‘Don’t believe me just watch’ business isn’t she?” And, reader, she does! And the vocalizing at the end is just gravy.

19. Better Now - 11/12/19 I know everyone has different tastes and it takes all kinds, but this is just factually better than the original, right?

18. Chandelier - 9/13/19 A more somber mood to close out Kelly’s first full week of shows, and the audience doesn’t quite know how to be. But GOD, does that dress move well! The words get botched a bit but the voice makes up for it. I know it goes without saying (and yet I still keep saying it!) but, Kelly Clarkson’s voice is ABSOLUTELY INSANE. If you listen to nothing else on this list (WHY???) at least listen to this one.

17. I Love Rock ‘N Roll - 10/4/19 Kelly’s right at home here rocking out in her signature leopard. The audience is eating it up--they know this one and it seems like they’re actually listening to it in the room! Kelly screams and growls and sounds amazing. The high pony really solidifies this entry’s status.

16. Before He Cheats - 10/2/19 This doesn’t even sound like a cover. It literally just sounds like her song.

15. Stay With Me - 11/27/19 Choirs make me cry so I’m a big fan of this. It’s another one that makes you laugh when you remember there’s a literal daytime talk show that unfolds over the 58 minutes that follow it. But then makes you emotional from the beauty of God’s voice. Lots of emotions in one minute and 40 seconds!

14. The Story - 11/19/19 This is absolutely beautiful. Doesn’t feel like there’s much more to say, right?

13. If I Could Turn Back Time - 10/22/19 Four days after the first Kellyoke key change comes this one that almost doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen! By the time she gets to the mainstage it seems like she’s getting ready to wrap things up, but it’s just a fake out. The key changes and it’s insanity. As much fun as the audience seems to be having here, it does make me think that once a week there should be a taping that is solely attended by gay men. I think it would be just an insane Kellyoke to start, then a Q and A with Kelly and the audience for the rest. I’m not positive what it would mean for the ratings, but that’s not my job!

12. Bitter Sweet Symphony - 11/26/19 My first thought during this one is that I couldn’t believe that there was more to the show after this. This IS a show! This should have played on a loop for the rest of the hour and everyone else should have gone home. I mean, is this the most gorgeous or WHAT?? An unexpected song, a beautiful arrangement, the voice of an angel. Instantly legendary. Few Kellyokes have begged for an expanded, complete version the way this one does.

11. Why Haven't I Heard From You - 9/27/19 Reminder that Kelly Clarkson is as famous as she is in spite of never releasing a country album. Would she be more famous if she’d only released country music? Or even just one country album? Listen to how at home she is on this song! And look at how much loves Reba! You can just tell! I don’t want to be too presumptuous, but I do feel like the pants here aren’t a coincidence. Feels to me like there might have been a discussion about mobility and how into the song she’d get at the end. And she does! That last line! A true legend!

10. I Put a Spell on You - 10/31/19 We love a production and this is one, honey! I’ll pay this Kellyoke the highest compliment I can which is that it’s the closest we’re going to come to recreating The Rosie O’Donnell Show in this year of our lord 2019. (That would be assuming, of course, Rosie O’Donnell was the greatest singer in the history of the world.) There’s some questionable back-up dancer business around the one-minute-mark (Was she supposed to be alone? Was she actually supposed to touch Kelly??), but that’s the only thing that’s not absolutely perfect about this.

9. I Like It, I Love It - 10/25/19 It probably won’t surprise anyone reading this to find out that I wasn’t particularly familiar with this song before hearing Kelly’s version (unless there’s an emergency, I try to make sure the only male singers in my iTunes library are Harry Styles and Steven Pasquale), but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to Kelly’s version. What really struck me is that she didn’t change the pronouns which...well, it made me cry at my desk. It was a long week, okay?

8. Walking on Broken Glass - 10/1/19 Animal print? Check! Iconic song? Check! And buy me that skirt! The real killer here is Kelly’s bridge, which she chooses to FULL THROAT BELT (she knows no other way, really) instead of following Annie Lennox’s falsetto-ed lead. We still get a glimpse of Kelly’s head voice (if not whistle tone) at the end. Kelly’s happy, the audience is into it, this is a good one!

7. Think - 9/12/19 This was only the third episode of the show, so it was easy to think that it might never get better than this. And the truth is, it rarely does! What makes this even more unbelievable than the sheer power of her voice, is that she does this all while going up and down two sets of stairs! Who can do that?! I’ve been known to stop conversations getting on the escalators going up from the Q train just to be able to really focus on what I’m doing, and she’s singing and wearing heels and doing it all at once like it’s no big deal??

6. If I Can't Have You - 10/3/19 This one starts out as a little bit of a bummer because on paper it looks like it may be track seven of her album All I Ever Wanted. (Two quick things here. First, if you ever want me to get light-headed from talking too much and too quickly, ask me about my theory that the best song on any album is track seven. Second, if you don’t know “If I Can’t Have You” get the fuck on it! And then listen to the Smoakstack Sessions acoustic version. And then listen to the live version mashed up with “Can’t Get You Out of My Head” that she only performed a few times in Australia. And then you may marry me.) Anyway, once you get over that initial disappointment, this is a near perfect Kellyoke. If there’s anything else wrong with it (and I know she can’t control the title of the song), it’s only that her whole look is reminiscent of a middle schooler who is playing Smitty in How to Succeed and had to provide her own costume. BUT! Don’t let that take away from everything else to feast on during this one minute and 55 second masterpiece.

5. Alone - 10/21/19 “Anyone here like Heart?” is a clunky opening to what will go down as one of the all-time great Kellyokes, but by the time we get to the “Y’all ready?” we’re off to the races. Because we’re NOT ready! We think we are, but how could we be? I mean, it’s Kelly Clarkson singing “Alone” and somehow it’s even better than you could ever possibly imagine?? Even the audience engagement here doesn’t bother me as much as it usually does. Maybe because I would watch a documentary mini-series about that group of friends, especially the woman in the denim jacket who plays the air drums after Kelly walks away. I feel like she has a gay son. She better work.

4. Bad Romance - 9/11/19 This one ranks high on both personal and technical levels. Personally, this is certainly something I feel responsible for conjuring through sheer force of will and witchcraft. I don’t want to be buried (“Jesus, I thought this was a silly list of Kelly Clarkson covers!” -you) but if I did, I’d feel comfortable putting here in writing that I’d like “Kelly Clarkson sings a powerful rendition of Lady Gaga's 2009 single ‘Bad Romance’ #KellyClarksonShow #LadyGaga” engraved on my gravestone or the door to my mausoleum or whatever. Technically, again, not much to say beyond “Well, listen to it.” Taking the second verse up an octave is inspired and the ad libs are divine. The flubbed lyrics are a plant to make us think she’s human.

3. Only Girl in the World - 11/15/19 I said “Oh shit” out loud at my desk when I saw the song title, leopard print, and high ponytail all in one Kellyoke. What a trifecta. And what a performance! Let’s be real, this one boils down to the 55 second mark when you and Kelly start a will she/won’t she dance as the bridge crescendos. And like, OF COURSE SHE WILL. SHE’S KELLY MOTHERFUCKING BRIANNA CLARKSON. YOU THINK SHE’S NOT GONNA BELT THAT NOTE YOU WORTHLESS SWINE? I’m no Mister Golightly so I don’t know how to read music that well, but this seems to be the highest belted note in a Kellyoke up to this point. (And PLEASE correct me if I’m wrong. Feels like it’s important for me to know.) Her kids at the end are sweet, but this one became top ten long before they ran out onstage.

2. Let's Go Crazy - 9/24/19 The “Dearly Beloved” probably sounded better in theory, but what otherwise sinks this totally perfect vocal performance is an audience full of goons who deserve to be incarcerated or, at the very least, fined. Did I take for granted that everyone knows how to clap on the beat? Even if EVERYONE doesn’t, the odds don’t seem to lend themselves to how many people in this audience have no idea how to clap. Was there an a support group meeting for the rhythmically impaired that morning somewhere near the Universal lot? Do you think they were laughing in the control room? Also, doesn’t it feel strange that the below people could be in the same room and making those faces at the same time? Surely someone’s should be different. And I know which one I think!

1. I Wanna Dance With Somebody- 10/24/19 This is the Kellyoke motherlode. It may never get better than this. Every choice Kelly makes is the one you want her to. This one has it all: full-throated belting, whistle tone, iconic song, iconic outfit, option-ups left and right. The brief moment of audience participation lets us know that Kelly wants you to think this is for everyone, but it’s really just her taking the opportunity to go fucking wild. It’s what we and, more importantly, she deserve.

1 note · View note

travisandersondatingblog · 6 years ago

Text

Why Do Men Cheat? 14 Reasons You Need To Know to Avoid Heartbreak

youtube

If I had a dollar for every time a coaching client asked me, “Adam, why do men cheat?”, I’d sadly be worth millions by now!

If you’ve been cheated on once — or God forbid, multiple times — you might be feeling like all men cheat, and might be scratching your head as to why. Well, I’m here to tell you that in no way do all guys cheat, but diving into this subject might help you heal the pain of being cheated on and help you move forward to find a genuine and loyal man.

First, Let’s Get the Story Straight

Why do men cheat? They are mysterious creatures!

To be fair, a decent amount of women cheat, too, so let’s not put men in the doghouse alone. Still, more men seem to be cheaters than women. According to the General Social Survey, 20% of men have cheated, while just 13% of women have. And age matters: the older men get, the more likely they are to cheat. About 14% of 30-year-old men cheat, while 24% of 80-year-old men (can you believe it?) are cheaters!

But why do they feel the need to cheat at any age? Let’s explore the question: why do men cheat.

Why Do Men Cheat? 14 (Sad) Excuses

Every man who cheats on his girlfriend or wife may have a different reason for doing it…or not have a clue why he misbehaves. But here are some common reasons (not excuses, per se) that might explain why he cheated.

1. They Want To Get Out of The Relationship

Some men aren’t good at confrontation. They may be unhappy in their relationship but don’t know how to just man up and have a conversation about their feelings. Instead, they stray. By wooing and sleeping with another woman, they are sabotaging their relationships, and in fact, want to get caught. Once they are caught, it’s a quick end to the relationship.

I know; it’s a strange way of ending a relationship, but I’m not saying men who cheat are always thinking with their brains!

2. They Don’t Realize What They Already Have

It’s the “grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” syndrome: men see other women and think that they’re what they want. They’re overlooking what’s right in front of them: you! Maybe they feel like you don’t appreciate them, and so they find a woman who does.

Sometimes the act of cheating makes them realize that they’ve got it pretty good at home. In that case, they might confess their indiscretion…or simply put more attention into nurturing their relationship with you.

3. They Believe it Makes Them More of A Man

via GIPHY

I don’t know where this misguided idea comes from. Guys don’t sit around saying, “Woo doggie! I feel like a real man. I’ve been cheatin’ on my lady for years,” and get fist bumps all around. We don’t encourage other guys to cheat, so I’m not sure why some men think it makes them more manly to cheat.

If your guy needs to feel like a man, he should chop wood, not be unfaithful to you!

And actually…it might even be based on their genes. In a study from the University of Queensland, people were more likely to cheat if they had specific types of oxytocin and vasopressin receptor genes. Vasopressin is a hormone related to social behaviors including trust, empathy, and sexual bonding.

4. They Do It Because They Have Low Self-Esteem

Who doesn’t like feeling attractive? When a woman flirts with or shows interest in a man with low self-esteem, he may feel so good that he acts on it.

A healthy person doesn’t seek his own self-worth and validation from others; it comes from inside. If you think your man has low self-esteem and seeks validation elsewhere, realize that you will never be able to make him feel better about himself and that he’ll continue to seek it from other women.

5. They Are Bored With What They Have at Home

I see this with couples who have been married or together for a long time. It’s a fact: things can get stale in a relationship. It takes work to keep feeling about your partner the way you did when you first met them. And for some men, that boredom is an excuse to find excitement elsewhere.

It’s not your job to entertain your partner. Certainly, you should put effort into making the relationship happy and healthy long-term. Show him that you appreciate him by complimenting him or giving him physical touch. Schedule date nights, even if you’re both busy and exhausted. But realize: if he’s going to seek stimulation with another woman, there’s no amount of effort you can put in that will keep him happy at home. Get rid of this guy.

6. They Believe They Deserve It

In a similar way to how you think you “deserve” a glass of wine after Pilates, some men think they “deserve” to have their cake and eat it too…in other words, be in a serious relationship with you while having a side piece.

Maybe they travel for work and justify needing companionship to counter the stress…

Or you just had a baby and aren’t giving him the sexual attention he thinks he deserves, so he seeks it elsewhere…

You see these justifications are bulls#%^, right? In no way does he “deserve” to have multiple women. He deserves to be single and lonely!

You, on the other hand, deserve to be happy, and if you’re Googling “why do men cheat,” I’m thinking you’re not.

7. They Are Narcissistic

A narcissist doesn’t take your feelings into consideration.

I have coached thousands of men and women on dating and finding love, and it’s interesting: I tend to see more male narcissists than female.

While narcissists can be incredibly charming, they’re also only looking out for Number One. They tend to think they’re superior to everyone and that normal rules do not apply to them. That makes them prone to cheating.

Not only do narcissists lack emotional empathy, causing them to not understand that they’re hurting you, but they also don’t have whole object relations and object constancy.

People who do have whole object relations understand that people have both positive and negative qualities and that no one is perfect. A narcissist may think you’re not enough for him because you’ve got flaws he doesn’t like, so he might seek out another woman who he thinks is perfect, at least for a few weeks.

Object constancy means you can maintain your positive emotions even when you’re angry or hurt.

Elinor Greenberg, PhD, an expert on narcissistic disorders, says:

“Object constancy helps you rein in your impulses to hurt someone during a fight. Lacking it makes people more willing to emotionally and physically damage their mate.”

So if a man can’t empathize with your feelings and he is unhappy because you have flaws (you’re human, after all), he may decide to help himself to an extra helping of loving elsewhere. It’s sad, I know.

8. They Are Not Built For Monogamy

Monogamy is not the natural order of things. Think about it. Cavemen spread their seed far and wide in an effort to populate the world. There was no “couple for life” concept back then.

But as we as humans evolved and became more stable with reliable food sources and shelter, people began pairing up, finding emotional support in having a partner.

So while you might assume everyone wants to find one magical person, the fact is: not everyone is cut out for monogamy. In fact: 1 in 5 single adults have been in an open relationship before.

That being said, there is a difference between being in an open relationship and cheating. In the former, both partners are aware that the other may date or have sex with other people. It’s consensual. Cheating is not. If your guy thinks he’s not made for monogamy, he shouldn’t be in a relationship!

9. They Think They Can Get Away With It

If you found a wallet filled with money in the middle of the desert and no one was around, would you take it?

For some guys, it’s the simple fact that they can cheat and get away with it that compels them to do so. If there are no consequences…why the heck not?

A man who cheats because he can isn’t a man with morals. If you’re looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, you want a man who does the right thing, who factors in your feelings when making decisions that impact you both.

10. They Like The Thrill of It

Cheating is illicit. The forbidden fruit. Watch a movie like Unfaithful with Diane Lane, and you see sneaking off for a little afternoon delight as sexy, not hurtful.

Some men like taking risks and the rush that comes with them. For them, the idea that they could get caught (even if they don’t expect to) creates an endorphin rush.

My advice to these men? Buy a motorcycle. Better to risk your life on the open road than hurt a wonderful woman.

11. They Have The Opportunity To Do It

What starts out as innocent drinks with a coworker might turn into cheating.

Maybe Becca from Accounting has been flirting with him at happy hour after work. Maybe an old girlfriend called to catch up. For some men, simply having opportunity compels them to cheat.

There’s a little thing called impulse control that these guys lack! When you buy a dozen cupcakes, it’s the little voice in your head that keeps you from eating all 12 in one sitting (okay, maybe just 2). It’s the voice that says (or is supposed to), “hey, this attention is flattering, but I have an amazing wife at home. Time to go.”

12. They’re Not Getting Sex at Home

This is a tough one because sex is such an important part of a healthy relationship. Men who aren’t having sex with their partners may seek it elsewhere. But if you’re not having sex with your partner, there’s a bigger issue at play. Likely one or both of you simply don’t know how to communicate what’s wrong, and so you’re subconsciously expressing your frustration by disconnecting physically and emotionally.

If your sex life is drying up and you worry that he might cheat, start a dialogue about what’s really wrong. Make an effort to get back on track. The longer you are with someone, the more effort you have to put into nurturing your sexual relationship because you’re no longer jumping one another’s bones twice a day the way you did at the start.

13. They Reconnect with a Past Love

Ah, the one that got away. You probably have a man in your past who things didn’t work out with, though you wish they had. You might even still love him on some level.

Things get tricky when those people from our past show up again. It’s all too easy to rekindle old feelings, even if who you are now is vastly different from who you were when you dated in college.

Sometimes these reunions result in cheating, and they’re so much worse than just a casual affair because there’s history and emotion involved. The question is: was this a one-time “I needed closure” type situation, or is he nurturing a permanent reunion with this woman? Either way, you don’t need to stick around to find out.

14. They’re in a Long-Distance Relationship

Long-distance love is difficult. You barely see one another, and you subsist on FaceTime calls. But what about your physical needs that aren’t getting met?

You might have no trouble going without sex or touch for the months that you’re apart, but often guys cheat because they have no willpower in a long-distance situation. Plus the likelihood of being caught is low.

If you’re in a long-distance relationship, consider opening the conversation to discuss seeing other people. It may not be what you want, but if you think he might seek the company of women regardless, isn’t it better to know and give him permission than for him to sneak around? And you never know: you might like having the option to see other men yourself!

Conclusion:

So…why do men cheat? For no good reason.

But the real point here is that you need to look at the situation and realize that in no way will it get better for you, and you deserve so much more.

If your partner has cheated, you will never really be able to trust him again. Every day you will wonder if he’s actually cheating when he says he’s going for a run…or to meet friends…or to sleep. Trust is an incredibly fragile creature, and once it’s been broken, it’s not easily mended.

It can be hard to let a cheater go if he’s super sorry and promises you the moon to make up for his indiscretion. He may promise to fix problems that have been in your relationship for years, if only you will give him another chance.

And certainly, there is the possibility that he learned his lesson and will never cheat again. But with that shadow of doubt looming over your head, you will probably never be happy in this relationship the way you were before it happened (or before you knew).

Prioritize yourself and be honest about what you need. You need a partner who respects you enough to be true to you, and for whom you are enough. You are fabulous; never settle.

Have you been cheated on? What’s your perspective on why men cheat, and how did you survive the heartbreak? Leave a comment below.

You don’t know why he cheated, but now you’re nursing a seriously broken heart. My Heal Your Heart program was designed with you in mind and will help you find the strength to move forward. Sign up today and start healing!

The post Why Do Men Cheat? 14 Reasons You Need To Know to Avoid Heartbreak appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

from Meet Positives SM Feed 3 https://ift.tt/2JvXcp2 via IFTTT

#IFTTT #Meet Positives SM Feed 3

0 notes

russellthornton · 6 years ago

Text

How to Talk to a Girl at the Gym Without Being That Creep She Hates

One of the last traditional ways to meet a girl is at the gym. But you need to know how to talk to a girl at the gym without being that creep.

Really though, I have to caution you. Figuring out how to talk to a girl at the gym is risky business, because some girls are super into it, and some girls *me* are super NOT into it. I wish I could give you a fool-proof way of knowing which girls want to chat at the gym, but there’s pretty much no way of knowing for sure. Trial and error, my dudes, trial and error.

I can’t stress enough how annoying it is to be in the middle of a deadlift and to make eye contact in the mirror with the dude behind me. He was totally checking out my butt, and oh great, now he’s coming my way. No, sir, I don’t want to chat. I’m not here so you have somebody to flirt with—I’m here to look hot naked *for people who aren’t you*. Hello. [Read: 10 types of guys all girls find creepy]

How to talk to a girl at the gym without being the creepy guy

Well, now that I’ve gotten the disclaimer out of the way, let’s get to the dirty details. Okay, it’s really not dirty at all, it just sounded cool.

#1 Don’t make eye contact from across the gym. Oh my goodness, NO. Don’t make it a goal to make eye contact with her. Whatever, check her out all you want, but don’t let her see. If you make eye contact once, fine.

But please, if you make eye contact more than three times, abort mission because chances are she already thinks you are creepy. If she smiles at you, you’re in. Otherwise? Leave while you still have the chance. [Read: 12 essential flirting tips every guy needs to know]

#2 No smirking. This look always grosses me out, and I know many ladies are WITH ME on this one! If you end up making eye contact, don’t give her that gross side smile. Give her a full smile or no smile at all!

#3 No eye banging. You know what I’m talking about, guys. Don’t give her no “f*ck me” eyes. You N A S T Y, boy. Can’t you just be cool for like a second? [Read: 10 subtle eye contact flirting moves that will always work]

#4 Remember that she’s not there to meet dudes. Okay, maybe I’m wrong here. There’s a few ladies at my gym that are likely there to meet dudes, but I would say that 85% of them are here to get hot for THEMSELVES. This isn’t a bar.

If you want to know how to talk to a girl at the gym and actually do it right, remember that girls don’t go to the gym to get dates; they go to lift weights. Respect that. If you go into this with that in mind, you will be successful.

#5 Just be friendly. There is a group of guys at my gym that are literally AMAZING. And you know why? Because they are cool guys! They don’t push themselves on the girls there, they just hangout and help when necessary. It’s always nice to see a friendly face at the gym, and if you see her at the gym often, she will recognize you over time. So make sure she remembers you as a friendly guy, not the creepy guy who makes eye contact from across the gym. [Read: 15 traits all girls find attractive and appealing in a guy]

#6 Don’t act on the first day. Don’t hit on a girl the first time you see her there. I mean, I’m not your life coach, do whatever you want, but I assure you, you will have more success by playing the long game. If you are frequently at this gym, and she is too, you will see her again.

Don’t jump on this opportunity because you might just blow it. If you ask her out the first time you see her, she is going to assume that you are just into her because she’s wearing tight pants and she’s doing squats–C R E E P Y.

#7 Slow and steady wins the race. Every time you see her, do something but not everything. Smile at her the first time, then make a point to workout nearby her the next time. Eventually you can build up to small talk. I promise you, being a friendly guy will work much better than pouncing on her like she’s fresh meat. [Read: The modern day gentleman’s guide to wooing a lady]

#8 Eyes on the prize. For the love of God, don’t hit on every hot girl at the gym, because you’re going to get a bad reputation, and girls aren’t going to feel special anymore. If there is any advice I can give you, it is this: Girls talk, so be careful.

Even if I’ve never talked to a girl before, if I see a creepy dude hitting on a girl at the gym or elsewhere, I’m going to step in and save her. Oh, and I’m going to give her all the details I know about that guy. It’s girl code, and it’s hardcore. I wouldn’t mess with it if I were you.

#9 Find a reason to talk to her. It might be easier for you to gain the courage to talk to her if you have some speaking points. When it comes to figuring out how to talk to a girl at the gym, an easy option is to ask her if she knows if a machine near her is in use, or if you can use it. This is a question that is absolutely warranted, and won’t throw up red flags for her. She’ll notice you, and this might be the start of something great. [Read: 25 perfect conversation starters that work in almost all occasions]

#10 Don’t try to impress her. I can’t speak for all girls, but when I see a guy trying to lift way more than he can handle, or slam down the weights when he is done with it, I roll the hell out of my eyes. That’s not cute, dudes. I’ve never been a fan of the “macho man” character, and I know many girls aren’t either. But hey, if that’s your game plan, I wish you the best.

#11 Remain humble. I think a lot of people are afraid to ask questions–especially at the gym. A lot of us are intimidated at the gym because everybody else seems to know what they are doing, and sometimes *especially at the beginning* we feel lost.

If she is doing an exercise that you think looks interesting, don’t be afraid to ask her about it. Ask her if she can show you how to do it properly, or what muscles it targets. Girls like to feel smart, and seeing a guy ask questions is a great quality to many girls. [Read: What you need to know about the code of modern chivalry]

#12 Don’t compliment her. I know that this sounds ridiculous, but if you compliment her *again in her tight pants while she’s doing squats*, she’s going to think you’re a huge perv. Even if you are complimenting her form or control, she’s going to overthink your statement and think you’re nasty. Just avoid compliments altogether. Outside the gym? Yes. Inside? Heck no.

[Read: Gym etiquette – 13 faux pas that make you look like a total asshole]

Understanding how to talk to a girl at the gym can be a difficult task, but if you follow these 12 tips, you will be a pro in no time!

The post How to Talk to a Girl at the Gym Without Being That Creep She Hates is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

0 notes