#sometimes it takes me a second to realize that behavior stacks up like that LMAO

[qoldenskies]

I wanted to share this, since I really connected with ccDonnie abt it: Ive never been diagnosed, but Im fairly sure Im on the autism spectrum, and a big reason is that I am. really bad at social cues. But i never connected it to what i assumed was autism, bc most of what i heard was, like, autistic ppl thinking someone was being nice when they were actually being rude, that kind of 'optimism', while i kind of read every facial expression as mildly angry at me even when they werent. I always just assumed it was some kind of social anxiety until I talked about it to a grownup and they said it sounded similar to Aspergers and I did more research into it and a lot of other things about me kind of clicked as well

Anyways personal story aside (sorry for the dump), I definitely feel like ccDonnie is going to struggle forward with not knowing how the ppl around him are feeling, but instead by jumping towards the worst case scenario, like he's done a few times already. Theres plenty out there about ppl thinking someone is nice when theyre actually mean, but its harder when its a person you are logically sure has to be nice to you but you keep reading them otherwise. For example, I misinterpret focused expressions as angry ones; I wouldnt be surprised if Donnies trauma associates even small, technically harmless things his brothers do to be signs of irritation

this is absolutely true!!! there's really signs of it all over; he's already so traumatized from how inescapable the punishment was in CL, how there was no right answer, and this is significantly worsened by the fact that he ALWAYS feels like he's stumbling in the dark when he tries to appease them.

i think its most apparent in chapter 6, because you can TELL donnie is guessing the whole time. april says "is that a no?" in a way that is barely even harsh at all and immediately he's fumbling and stammering in an attempt to say what he thinks will make her feel better, but he doesn't actually KNOW. and then april looks hurt, and leo tries to step in and console him, and donnie's even more confused, because they just told him what they wanted, isn't this what they wanted?? isn't it better that they get what they wanted?

and that's really what his frantic "i dont know" meant when leo cornered him about his meds. eventually he cracked open out of fear and called for his dad, but the ONLY thing he was focusing on was providing leo with the answer he thinks would make him the least angry at him, but everything he does only seems to make leo more upset and it doesn't make sense, he doesn't know what to do, he's sorry and he didn't mean to make him angry, leo's telling him i dont know isn't an answer but he doesn't have one-!

donnie just cant intuitively read and empathize with people, even though he's turned into such a people pleaser now. he's honed his compassion(? selflessness?? the way he puts their needs above his own and acts kind to please them, even at his own expense, in an attempt to mitigate their anger/distress) as a survival technique, but he really doesn't seem to notice that they're holding onto feelings until they directly confront him with them, still.

its really just a nasty combination with problems he already had-- the exact ones that sent him down into the mines in CL LMAO. when leo snapped at him and told him there had ALWAYS been a problem, despite the clear gaslighting from the reader's side of things donnie was genuinely shocked because the idea of it being a surprise isn't unfamiliar to him at all!! sometimes he's not aware of his behavior being harmful and it takes a while for it to be directly communicated to him. i think there was always a bit of a struggle for them to realize the indignant and confused behavior he exhibits when confronted with shit he's been doing for a WHILE is genuinely just because he was 100% unaware. they just had to tell him the second he pulled that shit and they didn't.

donnie hasn't stopped being a shitty liar in cc, but its still hard to wring the complete truth out of him when he was so blunt before, because he's thinking only in how his words might upset them, and he struggles to understand why his desperate, stammering people pleasing only makes them upset. he take their hurt reactions as him giving the wrong answer instead,

he's doing what they want. he's giving them what they want, he's giving to them and telling them its up to them. he's putting himself into a position where he WONT fail because it isn't up to him. he can't make the wrong choice if he's not thinking about himself at all.

so why is he still wrong? why are they still upset (mad. he thinks they're mad) at him? he's trying to fix it. why does everything he does just make everything worse?

(he already knows the answer: it's because there is something fundamentally wrong with him. there's no curing whatever he has.)

[louisapennyfeather2021]

Can you do a Jack Kelly sister x race or Albert (up to you) and Jack finds you guys kissing and is about to kill race or Albert. Then you all sit down and Jack gives the classic dad talk. This could be plantonic Jack/ race or Albert love. (You also don’t have to make it a sister I’m just a girl myself haha)

I finally made myself do this, mostly because I said I'd have it done by Friday and that's in less than four hours, but I'll(hopefully) make it happen!!! Have I finished my essay? Of course not, but I did finished my math tests! Planned procrastination is somewhat effective, right?

Anywho, here it is!

Relationships: Brother!Jack, Reader x Albert

Pronouns: She/Her as the person who asked did clarify that she is a girl :)

(psst... I can always make this with they/them pronouns if anyone would like that)

A/N: This is definitely not my best work, but it's not bad!!! I always feel awkward trying to write Dad Talks, but never enough to not write them at all!!! Maybe it'll help that I'm awkward with it so it'll be projected onto my work haha!

Warnings: some kissing, a bad word or two. That's about it? Oh, also, I'm really bad at writing kissing stuff lmao

Setting: 1899 Duane Street Lodging House

***

"No, Y/N, you gotta wear ya cap right or ya gonna look like ya ain't got hair." Jack snatches Y/N's hat from off her head before flipping it and placing it on her head correctly.

"Jack, cut it out! Ain'tcha got somethin' better t' do?" Y/N swats at her brother's hand, ducking to avoid his mother hen behavior.

"He ain't got nothin' t' do cause he's too busy hoverin'." Crutchie snorts from where he sits on the front steps of the lodging house. Jack throws a half-hearted glare at Crutchie, which gives Y/N enough time to sneak past Jack and hurry down the street towards Newsies Square.

"Hey, where d'ya think yer goin'?" Jack calls. Y/N huffs and shakes her head before looking over her shoulder. As soon as she does, she takes off sprinting down the street, Jack chasing her down. Y/N squeezes past some of the guys that are making their way down the street, successfully managing to not completely shove Jojo into a walk on accident.

It's not unusual for Jack to be so overbearing, specifically with Y/N. Sure, he's oddly protective over all the Newsies, but he practically turns into a bear with Y/N. Jack says it's because she's his "baby sista' 'nd nothin's ever gonna happen to no sister o' mine."

Y/N understands to an extent, of course, but it makes some things, well, difficult. Specifically hanging out with friends. Or maybe someone who's more than a friend.

"Someone's rushin' this mornin'." Racetrack Higgins snorts as Y/N hurries to duck behind him and Buttons. Both wait outside the gates for Weasel to come open them. Albert leans on the gate opposite of Race, raising an amused eyebrow at Y/N. She playfully narrows her eyes at him before breathing a sigh.

"Just my parasite of a brotha'. Again." Y/N grumbles. Jack treats her like she's still a kid, when really she's just a year and a half younger than him. To some folks, that's a lot, but when you're forced to grow up on the streets of New York, it's just numbers.

"Ain't like he's doin' it for nothin'." Race scoffs a laugh, sharing a knowing look with Buttons before glancing between Albert and Y/N where she's still hiding behind the two smirking boys.

"Oh, shuddup. Jack ain't gotta worry about what he don't know about." Y/N glares pointedly at both Race and Buttons.

"Don't worry, I've kept Racer from hawkin' yer secret t' all of Manhattan." Buttons shoves Race's shoulder. Race squawks in protest and he starts arguing with Buttons. Y/N laughs, knowing Race would keep her secret no matter what. It's just funny to see Buttons get a rise out of Race.

"Could be worse. Buttons could'a taken his cigar." Albert chuckles, although he absentmindedly rubs his upper arm. He's learned the hard way not to take the blond boy's comfort object. However, that doesn't keep him from occasionally stealing it.

"You'd know how that turns out." Y/N sneaks behind Race as he argued with Buttons and stands next to Albert. She doesn't stand too close, especially since Jack is probably on his way with the rest of the fellas.

The last thing Y/N needs is for Jack to get suspicious of her and her relationships.

So Y/N just leans on the gate near Albert, both laughing as Race and Buttons start on a tangent. Eventually the others gather around, Jack and Crutchie being the last to actually show up. As soon as he's at the gate, Jack starts fussing over Y/N's hat again. She smacks his hand away and glares at him, receiving a horribly hidden laugh from Albert.

"Would you stop swattin', I'm tryin' t' make ya not look like a hooligan." Jack huffs.

"You know we're a bunch'a kids that sell papes for a livin', right? Hooligan is the nicest thing folks can call us." Y/N rolls her eyes. Jack opens his mouth to respond, but he doesn't get the chance. Instead, the sound of the gates rattling and snarky comments fills the air. Y/N turns to see none other than Oscar and Morris Delancey hesitantly opening the gates.

"What, no hello?"

"Wake up on the wrong side'a the cave this mornin'?"

"Aw, did'ya not have someone t' tuck ya in last night?"

The jabs make Y/N's face go red to hide her laughs. The dramatic eye rolls and frowns on the Delancey Brothers' faces are pure gold. Y/N doesn't doubt that either brother would go after any Newsie if it wouldn't get them in some trouble. After all, good ol' Mr. Pulitzer needs someone to make money for him.

As some of the guys keeps teasing the brothers, Y/N sneaks past them with Buttons, Albert following not too far behind. The three line up to get their papers, waiting for Weasel to slither his way to the distribution stand.

"Alright, line it up!" As if hearing his name, the Weasel himself stands grumpily behind his money box.

"Mornin' Weasel! Long time, no see!" Y/N grins brightly. The annoyed twitch under Weasel's left eye is enough to make Y/N snort.

"Not long enough." He grumbles.

"Aw, don't be such'a grump." Y/N mock pouts. She pulls a dime from her pocket and flips it onto the money box before moving down to take a stack of papers. She's grateful when Morris hands her the stack, although he does it with a sneer. Nice to know he's not specifically angry at her, at least not angry enough to throw her papers at her like he'll likely do to Jack and definitely to Race.

Y/N waits by the gates for her selling partner, aka the one and only Albert DaSilva. Thankfully Jack hasn't picked up on the Y/N and Albert almost always being partners. They switched it up once and a while to throw off any suspicion, but they're usually selling together. After all, it's one of the only times they can be together without the worry of Jack seeing.

"Ain'tcha sweet for waitin' for me?" Albert teases as he reaches the gate, his head down as he organizes his stack of papers in his bag.

"We both know you'd get lost if I let'cha go alone." Y/N snorts a laugh. She successfully ducks a playful swat from Albert before she looks over his shoulder. She sees Jack taunting Weasel and she knows she has a few seconds to leave before her brother chases her down. "C'mon, best we get a head start on Jack."

"Well stop screwin' around then." Albert grins and hurries out of the square, Y/N right on his heels.

They hurry through the streets of Manhattan towards the Brooklyn bridge. They usually take up selling along the waterfront, sometimes a few blocks around the bridge. They mostly sell at the bridge because it's one of the furthest spots from where Jack sells. Meaning they can hang out once they finish selling morning papers in peace.

"Bet I can sell all my papes b'fore you can even hawk a headline." Albert elbows Y/N's arm as they reach the bridge, the area slowly coming to life as people hurry to get to work.

"You're on." Y/N smirks before hurrying across the street to start selling.

The two spend most of the morning selling, taking a few small breaks to hide in the shade of an alleyway from the July sun. Y/N manages to finish selling her last paper just a few minutes after Albert. The red head is all smirks when he notices Y/N finish after him.

"Don't come smirkin' at me, you bet that you could sell out before I even started. You didn't say nothin' about finishin' first." Y/N points a finger at Albert as they turn down one of the alleyways behind the produce market. Y/N holds an apple in hand and Albert has a pear.

"Should'a bet I'd win first, that way I'da got a free lunch." Albert sighs dramatically and takes a bite of his pear. Y/N rolls her eyes for what feels like the millionth time today before eating her apple.

"I still don't see how ya eat those things." Y/N mumbles.

"I don't see how you can't!" Albert scoffs before finishing his pear.

"Too sweet. And soft, they make a mess." Y/N shrugs and takes another bite of her apple.

"You just can't handle how sweet pears are cause you're so bitter." Albert laughs. Y/N's mouth drops open and she doesn't hesitate to throw the core of her apple at Albert, effectively hitting his neck. Albert gapes, although there's a slight upturn at the corner of his lips. "Low blow, Kelly!"

"Aw, did I hurt the your ego on accident?" Y/N can't hold back the laugh the bubbles up from deep in her stomach. Albert gives her a "seriously?" look before he jumps at her. Y/N accidentally let's out a panicked squeak before turning. She gets a few steps before Albert wraps his arms around her and squeezes her into a hug from behind. "No fair!"

"I think you should apologize." Albert hums, his chin on top of Y/N's head. She's not short, but the way she's standing makes it easy for Albert to rest his chin in top of her head.

"Do you realize how awkward this is?" Y/N squirms. Her feet are in front of her and she's practically leaning against Albert, it's almost like she's trying to sit down. "Seriously, I think you're gonna break my back."

"Apologize 'nd I'll let go." Albert starts swaying back and forth, making Y/N grip his arms and shuffle her feet to keep from completely slipping to the ground.

"Ain't got nothin' t' apologize for." Y/N finished the sentence in time for Albert to sway further and nearly drop Y/N on her bottom. She squeaks again, making the obnoxious red head laugh and try to keep a firm grip on her so she won't fall.

"You're ridiculous." Albert shuffles back and helps Y/N stand up, laughing when she huffs in annoyance. Albert moves around to stand in front of Y/N, his arms crossed as he meets her faux annoyed expression. "I still think you owe me 'n apology."

"I don't see no reason why." Y/N shrugs, although the corners of her mouth twitch up into a horribly suppressed smile.

"That's a lousy thing t' say." Albert pouts, receiving a raised eyebrow from Y/N. The girl takes a small step closer to Albert and shrugs her shoulders slightly.

"Lousy ain't always bad." Y/N jokingly winks. Albert shakes his head with a laugh before naturally gravitating closer to Y/N. She follows until her nose bumps Albert's, the two of them getting closer until Y/N closes her eyes and feels Albert's mouth lightly touch hers.

Y/N hums into the kiss as Albert reaches up and rests his hand on the side of her neck. She follows, her hand gently wrapping around Albert's wrist and her thumb rubbing the soft skin. She can't help but smile as she moves her mouth againsr Albert's. This is far from the first time they've kissed, but with how little time they get to spend together, every kiss feels like the first.

Y/N still gets butterflies in her stomach. She still gets that happy high afterwards.

But even the happy high can end in a snap.

"Oh, hell no." Y/N's eyes snap open and she quickly pulls away from Albert. Her wide eyes meet Jack's furious frown as he stands near the mouth of the alleyway. Behind him, Race stands with an apologetic expression, Crutchie next to him with a hand over his mouth like he's holding in a laugh.

"Oh boy." Y/N whispers. Albert turns around, his expression matching Y/N's.

"Hey, Jack..." Albert awkwardly waves at the fuming boy.

"You're dead, DaSilva." And that's all it takes for Albert to bolt down the other end of the alleyway, Jack right on his heels. Y/N just stares in shocked silence, hardly noticing Race and Crutchie come to a stop next to her.

"I swear, I tried to distract him." Race rushes, although Y/N doesn't seem to hear as she opens and closes her mouth in shock.

"You are so in for it." Crutchie busts out laughing.

I'm so dead, Y/N thinks.

***

"Jack, you need t' calm down!"

"Calm down?! He was suckin' my sista's face!"

"Oh, no, gross, that's definitely not what we were doin'."

"You stay out of this!"

"Okay, everyone shuddup!" Y/N yells from one corner of the rooftop of the lodging house. Crutchie leans against the fire escape, watching and occasionally throwing in a comment or two. Jack paces around the roof, eyes narrowed in on Albert. The red head stands near the edge of the roof, as if he's ready to make a break for it if need be. Y/N stands somewhat between Albert and her fuming brother, sort of like a last resort for a barrier between the two. Y/N faces her brother, her arms crossed under her chest and her mouth set in a thin line. "Jack, it was just'a kiss 'nd I like Albert. S'nothin' wrong with that."

"Nothin' wrong with that? Everything's wrong with that! You're my sista', Albert's s'posed t' be my pal! Seein you two lockin' lips is just-" Jack wiggles around and gags, his nose scrunching up.

"Oh, we are not having this conversation because the thought of your sister kissin' a boy makes ya uncomfy." Y/N rolls her eyes before planting her hands in her hips.

"She has a point." Crutchie comments. Jack whines and shuffles around like he's about ready to throw himself off the rooftop.

"That don't change the fact that it's gross and weird and just wrong. She's my sister." Jack stares down Albert and points at Y/N.

"Yeah, 'nd it just so happens I was kissin' someone you know and trust! S'not like I was kissin' a Delancey or nothin'." Y/N's comment makes the other three on the roof gag and squirm uncomfortably. "Oh, we all know it's true!"

"Doesn't mean we wanna hear it." Albert shivers in disgust.

"Alright alright alright." Jack exhales heavily. He paces a few more times, shakes his head and pursing his lips. Y/N waits in silence with Albert and Crutchie, all three knowing Jack needs a second. When he finally stops pacing, all the attention trains in on him. "Fine, okay, s'not the worst thing ever, I'm gonna set some ground rules."

"What?!"

"Seriously?" Y/N whines, something she unfortunately shares with her older parasite- um, brother.

"Yes. Now I d'know how long this has been goin' on, but I'm sayin' right now that we will not be havin' any littles-"

"I'm gonna be sick." Y/N gags, and it's unfortunately a legitimate gag that makes bile sting the back of her mouth. Albert must inhale sharply and start choking on his spit because he starts coughing obnoxiously. Even Crutchie, who had found the whole situation so hilarious, looks like he's going to be sick.

"Oh, quit it ya pansies." Jack huffs. He angles towards Albert, his eyes narrowed again. "'Nd you. If you hurt my sista' in any way, I swear you'll find yourself swimmin' in the East River in no time."

"I'm definitely not planning on it." Albert manages to say before coughing and clearing his throat, his eyes watery from coughing.

"Good." Jack nods in satisfaction. He looks at the sky and seems to ponder before signing. "Get'a move in, gonna have evenin' papes out soon."

Albert throws an anxious look at Y/N before hurrying to the fire escape. He disappears, Crutchie quickly following and leaving the Kelly siblings alone.

"Y'know, ya could'a told me." Jack's shoulders sag. Y/N kicks her foot awkwardly, her eyes trained in the ground.

"Not if it risked ya reactin' the way ya did t'day." Y/N mutters. She looks up to see Jack sigh and move closer to her.

"I can definitely tell ya I wouldn't have chased him down." Jack snorts.

"I guess that would've been a perk." Y/N hums. She meets Jack's gaze and suddenly the two start laughing. Jack reaches over and playfully shives Y/N's shoulder.

"C'mon, weirdo. We got papes t' sell." Jack shakes his head.

Y/N smiles and follows him off the roof.

That's one crisis averted.

Granted, they still have the rest if the day left.

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

hii, i wanted to ask a question about my bestie xx

i’ve typed her as an enfj bc she’s always seemed like a high Fe type to me and the enfj function stack and descriptions of them on various websites were describing her very well. me and her are very different “people-wise”: she always talks abt ppl behind their backs while maintaining friendly attitude talking WITH them, always compliments ppl to get something she wants(some of our teachers always loved her bc she knew how to get their love and trust); then me…i’m an isfp…totally opposite, i have only a few friends, i hate talking behind people’s back, never “sucked up” on anyone, including teachers(some of them still love me, but for different reasons), i can’t compliment people i don’t like(tbf, i can’t compliment AT ALL, very bad at words, unlike my friend) and etc. I also don’t like lying to people and friends, and she, on the other hand lies or manipulates her words quite a lot(sometimes it helps her getting what she wants tho, i must admit).

But i’ve noticed recently that she’s very secretive…like…really secretive. She never shows her true feelings or struggles to her friends(or me, at least, lmao)…We both keep our feelings inside, but I have high Fi and I thought this kind of way of dealing with emotions was kinda Fi-ish. Not that she shows her friends her fake emotions, but more like she deals with them on her own.

also, she’s very impulsive in terms of her interests? more than me sometimes(and i have aux Se)…she gets heavily invested, for example in her choice of her future career and has her future in this career all planned(what uni will she graduate, how successful she might be, how “cool” will she be, etc.) and she talks about it(her new interest/hobby or her career choice) so passionately, that you think “omg, she REALLY wants to be a therapist/marketing specialist/dentist/whatever”, and she seems really invested in it, but then she DROPS it…like, she suddenly “realizes” it’s not what she wants or that that profession isn’t as good/profitable as she thought. She also cancels plans last minute a lot. It can be her, who encourages and organises our friend group’s gathering, but then gets out of it last minute herself, sometimes trying to make really pathetic excuses(but sometimes they’re very well-thought, such as “my parents asked me to babysit my little siblings” so none of us could blame her for telling that she won’t go w us last minute). I’m not telling it’s always lies. I’m sure sometimes her parents really don’t allow her to go somewhere or ask to babysit, but why does she always tell us that last minute!? sometimes she does things for her own benefit, like she’d rather go out with a person who has a good camera(so they could take pics for her), rather than someone she’s closer to and will have better time with. she’s also very insecure deep down. me too, but i don’t want people’s approval as much as her. she’s always scared to gain weight or look bad to her boyfriend, even though he’s the nicest guy i’ve ever met and has always told her that she’s the most beautiful girl ever and he would love her no matter what. perhaps i could also describe her as “all talk, no actual actions” and it hurts me isfp ass very much :((

we also have a lot of passive aggression in our relationship, bc we’re both hate conflicts in some way, and sometimes supress our anger towards each other(i tend to sometimes burst out tho), so ig she’s more passive aggressive than me and never tells me what’s wrong, therefore i can never tell if i offended her or not. idk, maybe she thinks the sam abt me?

she’s not a bad person tho, she’s a good friend and we’ve been friends for a long time, but sometimes she acts very very strange and i’m not the only one who has noticed this.

maybe you could help me…from what i’ve described, does she seem enfj type 3(have difficulty telling what her wing is)? ty in advance ❤️

Based on this it sounds like you are both in your mid-teens, and so honestly I would just give it some time if you want to type her because while your personality certainly exists at this time, it’s very much in flux. A lot of this just sounds like she’s dealing with a lot of insecurity and expectations and it’s hard to say if it’s typology governing these actions or if it’s just like...being 16 or 17 (which is what I’ve assumed from this).

I’m not sure what her type is but here are a couple of things that might help you, and I will say that ENFJ doesn’t sound wrong given that assumed age. It could be - looking at ENFP or ESFP wouldn’t hurt - but a lot of her behaviors seem in line with high Fe and even with Ni I would expect a certain amount of impulsivity and indecision at her stage of development.

First, try to think about her in terms of who she is without comparing to yourself. I don’t know for sure if you’re an ISFP - you might be, or you might not be - so if you compare to yourself and you are mistyped then you’re working off an incorrect basis for comparison in the first place and that will make everything harder. Try to think how she compares to people you know in general - and especially your peers. Is she more impulsive than most of your classmates? Less? Around average?

Second, I have found the idea that high Fi users are more private and high Fe users are less private to be absolutely false; I think it is partly based on a Tumblr user who mistyped as an Fe user for a long time but then realized they were a high Fi user and was trying to make that fit and it’s persisted long past that. A lot of high Fi users, especially extroverted ones, are very expressive, and a lot of high Fe users can be private - Fe users are typically very attuned to what others think of them and so might keep their emotions on lockdown or hide them in order to elicit a certain response (Fe-dom 3s, for example, will absolutely do this). As a rule thinkers and introverts are more private with their emotions than feelers and extroverts but that’s about the extent of it.

And finally, and I tell most people this especially when they bring up not just a typology question but also some conflicts or personal difficulties; I get that you are asking me for help with MBTI, and that’s the main help I feel like I have any ability to give and I know unsolicited advice is often unwelcome so feel free to ignore, but: MBTI does not solve interpersonal (or intrapersonal) problems. It can be a very helpful and powerful tool, but knowing is only half the battle (or something). A person who knows literally nothing about MBTI but is an empathetic and thoughtful communicator who does not shy away from healthy confrontation will do better than a typology expert who lacks even one of those traits. If you want to know her type, review the first few paragraphs and see if that helps and feel free to revisit after some time, but if you want to like, know why she keeps flaking on you, then unfortunately getting over the fear of confrontation and potentially upsetting someone will be a far more effective use of time.

[purplesurveys]

1085

survey by -egocentricity-

On Myspace, what was in the last bulletin you posted? I haven’t been on Myspace for well over a decade; and even when I was there I didn’t have any friends added nor did I remember ever posting anything. Friendster and Multiply were a lot more popular.

When and where was the last time you took a picture of yourself? I took a selfie last Saturday in the dining room. It’s of me holding up the vape pen that Andi lent me for the meantime to show Angela, since she wanted to see what it looked like.

Have you ever been scolded by a mall cop? I remember being lightly chided once when I was like, 7 – I was leaning on a glass wall of a store in the mall, so the guard from that store nicely told me to get back up to be safe. Overall, I don’t think I’ve ever exhibited behavior in public that should’ve gotten me into trouble.

How often do you catch yourself daydreaming? Definitely not so much these days. I need to keep being preoccupied with work or other things to do/accomplish since my daydreaming always seems to end with thinking of scenarios that now upset me, like, idk, happier times with my ex. I’m tired of letting that happen and always being upset in the end, so I try to avoid getting lost in my thoughts anymore.

What's your favorite thing to think about as you're falling asleep? Idk about you but thinking in general keeps my mind up and racing lol, so when I’m trying to sleep I do my best to black out my mind so that I can doze off.

Is there anything that you want to do, but won't because you're too afraid? So I went to college with this girl - I believe she’s several batches older - who, as soon as she graduated, set out on a hitchhiking journey across the world. She’s been doing it for four years, and I believe she has finally made it to Europe after being stuck in Kazakhstan for a year due to Covid. She’s amazing and her spirit is so fucking beautiful. She has a Facebook page that I actively follow detailing her experiences; but as great as her journey has been, I don’t know and I highly doubt that I can set out for such a demanding, commitment-heavy challenge myself.

Who was the last person to yell at you? My mom is the only person who does that, but she hasn’t done so in a while.

Who gets up the earliest in your household? The latest? My dad, since his work starts the earliest. I will sometimes hear the car engine purring by 5:45 AM. The latest would be my sister, since she stays up the latest as well. I think she’s up by 8 AM, but she doesn’t show up outside of her bedroom until 10 or 11.

Have you ever had a pet walk across your keyboard while you were typing? No, and I am glad that’s the case because both of my dogs are too big and I fear that they could actually snap my laptop in half.

What political issues do you think deserve less attention/worry? No political issue deserves any less attention than others. Political issues always mean that someone is on the losing end and I don’t think it’s fair to compare and decide which ones can be put on the backseat. 

Anyway, I do believe it’s not so much the issues that should be compared, but the people in politics who are given the spotlight. Here in the Philippines especially, a lot of celebrities want to have their own political careers (and usually win a seat) despite their zero experience and the media gobbles that shit up all the time, which is disgusting. Related to this, I hope the media makes a consicous effort to wipe Trump out of the headlines once he’s out of office.

Which political issues are you most passionate about? I dunno if I can measure that since I’m pretty vocal about a lot of things. What I can tell you is that in the political issues I have a say in, I always side with the marginalized and the oppressed. IPs, POC, LGBTQ+, immigrants, factory workers, jeepney drivers, contractualized employees, activists, student-activists...my heart has always been with them and their cause.

You're going to your favorite foreign country; what landmarks do you go see? I’m not sure if I have a favorite country, but I’m very picky about landmarks in general anyway. I’d rather experience the local life and eat at smaller local places and go to lesser-known beaches and stuff.

What is the longest amount of time that you have spent away from your home? A little longer than a week, and this was usually when I traveled abroad.

Did the last movie you watched have any emotional effect on you? Yeah, so much so that I was unable to finish it and I had to show up at dinner while still fresh from crying.

What motivates you to go to school? Not applicable to me anymore, but I suppose this can be easily rephrased to mean work. Honestly, my main motivation is the desire to have a perfect record at work lol. I’m super neurotic about this and I hate the idea of being absent or late. Money comes second; I rarely buy stuff for myself so I mostly don’t even realize the money coming in to my account every two weeks. Then third is the desire to be good at my job because I do want to get promoted and rack up more positions as I go along.

How much caffeine have you consumed in one day? The most cups of coffee I’ve had in one day is 3, and that was not an enjoyable experience ha. Right now, I’m on my first cup of coffee.

Are you more hyper and up-tight, or laid back and relaxed? I guess it depends on the situation. I can definitely exhibit either, but my behavior will vary based on the people I’m with and/or how comfortable I am in a certain situation.

When was the last time you heard someone talking about you? Around a week ago. My parents were having dinner separately and I heard my name being mentioned in a few sentences.

How did you pick out your last outfit? I wanted an outfit that was chill and easy to carry around, but would still make me look like I put some effort into picking it out.

When buying shoes, what do you look for in the product? I admittedly like brand names, so that’s the first thing I look at. I also like to keep up with what’s trending, so I look at items in a brand’s catalog that I see more and more people wearing. If it matches with my own personal style, then I keep an eye on it/purchase it altogether.

What happened to cause the last mess you made? The last and current mess I have on me is my work desk, which I’ve since abandoned in favor of my bed + portable desk as my new workspace. Idk, over the Christmas break I just ended up stacking up so much shit on the desk until it became a little too cluttered. I’ve cleaned it up here and there to make the space look neater, but there’s still a lot of stuff.

Are you embarrassed to bring people into your bedroom? Not embarrassed; I just find it unnecessary. My bedroom is too small to host guests and the only times I’ve let someone in there is when I had a significant other. I prefer people to stay in the living room.

When was the last children's birthday party you attended? It was my third cousin Isabella’s 7th birthday party at a Jollibee. Her family has been living in Australia for a while, but I guess they wanted to host a party with their Filipino family so they flew back here to stay for a few days. Because she is my third cousin and because she’s been living in Australia all her life, I don’t actually have any sort of relationship with her lmao but I still made an effort to greet her and stuff.

Are you good at reading other people's body language? Yes, to the point that it contributes to my overall anxiety.

If you're sick, do you go to school or do you stay home [usually]? I rarely get a fever so when I do it feels like actual death. For that reason, I usually have to skip the day and focus on feeling better.

Does chicken noodle soup really make you feel any better? I never had it whenever I’ve felt like crap in the past. I don’t really like soup though, so on a personal level I doubt it would have any effect on me.

What is one meal that you like to eat whilst sick? I don’t have a go-to meal because again, I rarely get sick.

Think of the last survey you filled out; did you enjoy it? Sure, it was easy to digest and it’s the kind that you can take over and over again.

Have you ever fed bread to ducks or geese? I’ve fed bread, but to fish in the sea; not ducks or geese since idk if we have either here other than in zoos. In our trip to Mactan in 2010, I remember how we were allowed to pay a certain small amount to get bread from the resort and proceed to feed the fish swimming around in the beach.

Is it hard to imagine you were ever as small as a 1-2 year old? Yeah, I definitely feel that way sometimes.

What set the tone for your mood today? Eh, I wouldn’t say I had an overall mood today, honestly. It was a normal day at work, maybe a little more uneventful than other days; and I was on top of my tasks so there wasn’t anything to dread or worry about. I was just concentrated on getting the day over with and wasn’t strongly attached to any emotion.

Have you ever set out to ruin someone else's day? I don’t think so.

Have you ever felt like the whole world was against you? It happens sometimes.

The name of the last video game you played? Mario Kart 8 probably? It’s been a while but it’s all I play if I do play a video game, so it’s a safe guess.

The name of the last board game that you played? We whipped out my old box of Trivial Pursuit last November when we didn’t have electricity and internet because of the typhoon.

What was the last thing that you told yourself? I don’t remember the last time I talked to myself, but like two minutes ago I was starting to feel sad so I silently reminded myself to think of positive things.

How many times a day do you wash your face? At least once, in the morning before I start work. I’ve learned that cleaning myself up, even if it’s just splashing water on my face, super helps if I want to start working in a good mood.

Do you remember your D.A.R.E. officer's name? I didn’t have one of those, anddd I’m sure we didn’t have that program here.

Someone throws hot coffee on you; how do you react? It’s taken me a whole goddamn week to finish this survey, lels. Anywho... I think out of instinct I would scream out in extreme agony first? And I’d probably spend the first immediate seconds to try and process what just happened. I don’t know if I would fight back because I’m pretty sure the burns would be hurting too badly for me to focus on revenge.

Is there a high school or college that you would rather be attending? I attended one school from kindergarten to college, and I can’t imagine having attended anywhere else. I had one dream university and I ended up attending it.

Have you ever lived in an apartment or duplex home? Yes, both. My parents lived in an apartment for a few months when I was a newborn. From ages 2-10 I lived in my childhood home, which is actually a duplex. The other house belongs to my grandpa’s late sister and her family.

Has anyone ever commented on your weight? Sure, but I care so little about my weight that they don’t really have an effect on me. The most common one I get is to “eat more.”

Where do you stand when it comes to sexual intercourse? Erm not really lmao. Just do it?? Idk. And just make sure consent is mutual and that you aren’t doing it out of pressure.

Name a show from the 90's that you miss? I guess ‘miss’ is the wrong word since I never watched it while it was ongoing, but I do love Friends. I’m excited to see what they have planned for the reunion episode.

Who provokes your sarcastic side the most? Bad co-workers, but luckily I haven’t had to pull that side of me in a while.

Have you ever thought about joining the military? Never.

When you were little, did you ever stare at disabled or "different" people? Being a kid, I probably did but never thought anything of it during those times. My mom certainly would’ve whooped my ass if I tried to comment anything mean or be a smartass.

Could the contents of your bedroom get you in any trouble? The one thing that would piss my mom off are my vape pens. I still have Gab-related stuff in my room that I’m too lazy to throw out, but I doubt I will get into trouble from those anymore because there has been no relationship to speak of in the last four months.

Do weather patterns sometimes have an effect on your health? Not on my health, but on my mood.

If it snows a lot where you live, do you experience cabin fever? It doesn’t, so idk what this would feel like.

When was the last time someone disapproved of something you were doing? Not entirely sure; this hasn’t happened in a while. Admittedly, as a people pleaser, I thrive on doing what people would want me to do lol.

How good are you at getting along with other people? On a scale of 1 to 10, probably a 9? I’m super nice to everyone and in the end it only really boils down to whether I have chemistry with them or not. If I fail to feel comfortable around someone I’m more likely to stay formal, but I do try to be lively and crack jokes with everyone as much as I can.

Do you consider yourself to be approachable? I want to be and I always try to come off as such, but my resting bitchface hurts that chance sometimes haha.

Do you know anyone that's a little emotionally unstable? Uhm, no one comes to mind.

Have you ever felt like you were going out of your mind? Yes.

Has anyone ever suggested that you might need "help"? I don’t recall being told this by anyone before. But with the way I broadcast my anxiety and sadness from time to time, I’m sure people have thought of it.

Do you take offense to things easily? Yeah you can say that. I’ve always been more sensitive than most.

How do you respond to cheesy pick-up lines? As with any pick-up line, I inwardly roll my eyes and move on.

Do you like to give people a taste of their own medicine? It’s such a waste of time and energy for the most part, so no. But if I feel petty, I have no problem doing it.

How was the service at the last restaurant you visited? It was...fine. Nothing to write home about. It was unlimited Korean barbecue and they actually had a system in place where they gave us a link to some internal website they kept, and we could simply order from there to minimize contact with the servers. I will say that I never got the kimchi jjigae I had ordered, but it was fine because I was full by then lmao.

Are you ever jealous of happy couples? No. I mean, I guess I’m reminded of my loneliness when I see couples in public, but I don’t get jealous or angry. I just shake it off and try to focus on myself.

Describe a thought that is sticking with you today? That I can’t wait for Friday.

Lately, who has spent the most time on your mind? I’ve been thinking more of my anxieties than certain people, tbh.

In a car: air conditioning, or roll the windows down? Air conditioning. Though sometimes it’s nice to have the windows down, especially when I’m driving within my village or up a mountain.

When was the last time you did anything to your playlist? I made an angst-themed playlist over the weekend.

Is there a new song or band you've discovered? Massive Attack. Hayley Williams did a super great cover of their song Teardrop, so I checked out the original version which I also ended up enjoying. Olivia Rodrigo too, who I found out is part Filipino yay!

Which teacher gives you the most homework? My Journalism Ethics professor will probably rank the highest on this list.

What type of personality do you find most annoying? Idk, condescending ones maybe? There are a million kinds of personalities lol, but yeah I hate those who make you feel dumb, and feel good about doing so.

How did you hear about Bzoink? If my memory serves me correctly, my 10 year old self just wanted empty about me surveys to answer. Bzoink was always one of the first websites to come out if I searched for surveys on Google.

How long did it take you to sign up for an account - if you have one? I don’t think I ever made an account on there since I was too shy to share my answers.

Are you punctual? Yes, very.

Have you ever howled at the full moon? No.

Have you ever seen yourself on camera? Like if I’ve seen photos of myself??? I would be very surprised if anyone can say they haven’t.

Do you give any consideration to what's said in your horoscope? No.

When was the last time you felt like you were being followed? This has never happened before, thankfully.

[shittyelfwriter]

Scandalous

Pairing: Cas x fem!reader

Word count: 5400-ish (oof)

Summary: set during 14x15 “Peace of Mind”. When reader accompanies Castiel and Sam to the town of Charming Acres, both she and Sam succumb to its influence—and since Cas can’t seem to convince “Justin” to snap out of his daze, he’s forced to take some unorthodox methods with you, the “town librarian”.

Warnings: This is definitely a smut add on to an episode. Got some mild grace!kink, semi-public sex, stranger!kink (if that’s a thing? I don’t know lmao.) 18+ only please! Some language on reader’s part is dated to fit the theme.

A/N: I couldn’t help but laugh at the old fashioned values and the thought of how that would affect a cas x reader dynamic. Also as a side note, reader’s behavior and outfit is definitely inspired by Evie from The Mummy (even though the time frame is a bit off for the fashion, it’s what I had in mind while writing, hence the gif!)

More of my writing (masterlist)

It was an ordinary morning in Charming Acres for you, and began like any other that you remembered. You’d gotten dressed, gotten a coffee from Harrington’s and then headed to open the library, like you did every morning at 7 am, other than Sundays—goodness knows you couldn’t work on the Lord’s day.

It had been quiet most of the hour you’d been there, reshelving books that had been returned after closing the day before, when a man rushed into the library looking windswept and bedraggled. So this was the agent that everyone was talking about around town! You’d admit you had been curious, since any man that was a new face was something to wonder at. Most of the single men in town frequented the library to flirt, or bring flowers, or ask you on dates. But they bored you, honestly. You wanted something more adventurous, like you read about so often. And something about the way this man swept into your library gave you that theatrical rush of excitement like in the films. He was very handsome, after all; the sight of him making your pulse flutter. You turned away from him for a moment, hands over your chest.

“Goodness,” you exclaimed quietly, wondering why he set your heart going so. It was like something out of a novella! But you didn’t have much time to think about it, hearing his footsteps heading your way, and you quickly smoothed out your skirt, putting on your prettiest smile for him.

“Why hello there,” you said kindly, taking your glasses off, and moving aside some stacks of books on your desk. “Can I help you?”

“Y/N,” the man said, sounding relieved, but you could barely hear him over the thought of how blue his eyes were. Why, they put Sinatra to shame, didn’t they? You felt your cheeks flush, and you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Excuse me?” you said, tilting your head in confusion. He tilted his head as well, mirroring your confusion, but there was worry in his gaze.

“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten too,” he said, the low timbre of his voice sending a shiver through you.

“Forgotten what, exactly?” You asked, shifting on your feet and fidgeting with your glasses. “My name is Ellie, Ellie Carter. I’m the librarian for Charming Acres.”

“I see.” He smiled, and there was a sweetness in his face that put you at ease.

“Is there anything in particular I can help you find?” You asked eagerly, being careful not to knock over the books beside you. “I ah, I’m in the middle of shelving but if you’d like some assistance browsing I’d be more than happy to lend a hand.”

He hesitated a moment, then nodded. “Actually, yes. I’d like to take a look at anything you have on the history of Charming Acres. More specifically, any strange and unexplainable occurrences.”

“Oh! Of course. We have newspapers, local documentaries, autobiographies, high school yearbooks, you name it! The Mayor likes to keep track of things like that.” You came out from behind the desk and out of the swinging partition, nearly tripping on the edge of the step before you caught yourself. His hand landed on your arm too, a strange feeling like being held all over by something soft coming over you briefly before vanishing, leaving you upright and unharmed. But you were too flustered to think of that, blushing and stammering an apology.

“I’m so sorry, I’m a little bit”—your skirt nearly caught between the partition and the barrier—“just a tiny smidge”—you straightened a nearby cart of books before they tipped and fell to the floor—“accident prone,” you finished, smoothing your skirt and straightening your kerchief. The man just seemed amused, and oh, there went your poor little heart again, all a pitter patter. Leave it to you to be absolutely clobbered over a stranger, and one from out of town, no less.

“It’s not a problem,” he reassured you, gesturing out towards the shelves.

“Ah, let’s see. Yes!” You scurried out towards the rows you knew held what he was looking for, scanning the shelves and rambling most of the way. “Now, we did lose a few of the records in a fire a few years back, but I do believe most of what you might be interested in was saved,” you said, moving down a row to pull a tall ladder towards you. You stepped up three rungs to reach the fourth shelf, skimming along titles for what you were looking for. “You said you were interested in local oddities?”

“Yes. Anything that stands out of the ordinary…at least by this town’s standards,” he said, and you gave an airy laugh.

“Yes, well. Not sure how much luck you’ll have with that. I’m sure you’ve noticed how quiet things are around here.” You looked down at the book in your hand, a volume on the town’s infrastructure, and sighed softly.

“You don’t sound as if you like that very much.”

The man was observant, you’d give him that. You looked down at him to find him looking up at you curiously. How embarrassing.

“Oh, don’t mind me,” you said quietly, waving a hand. “I’m just a restless soul, I guess. Sometimes Charming Acres feels a little…”

“Tame for your liking?” He suggested, and you smiled.

“Something like that.” You locked eyes, the gleam in his gaze sending a thrill through you. You flushed again, looking back at the shelves and pulling two more books before climbing down the ladder. “Of course, I suppose that isn’t a very seemly thing for a young woman of marriable age to say. It’s not proper for me to want something like excitement, or adventure, or—” Your foot slipped on the last rung, and you nearly fell. But again, the stranger caught you, sending you tumbling into his arms, books pressed close to your chest. “Danger,” you finished softly, your eyes landing on his lips.

It seemed like a small eternity you were there, his hands on your arms and his eyes fixed on only you. An odd feeling passed over you, like you’d done this before. Like you’d had his hands on you, like you knew his hands—him—well. Like maybe…it all went fuzzy, just out of reach. He tilted his head at you again, as if he were trying to read your thoughts.

“Have you ever thought of leaving?” He asked, and you felt your pulse in your ears.

“Leaving?” Your head went dizzy, his eyes moving to your lips and then back to yours.

“Leaving Charming Acres. Seeing what’s out there, finding adventure, danger…” He paused, gave a little smile, and his eyes went just a tiny bit dark. “Maybe something more,” his finished, as if testing for your response.

“Oh,” you said, breathless. The men in town certainly didn’t speak like this. They were plain, straightforward, with no vibrancy. Everything felt forced, and this man…you got the strange sensation that something about him was glowing, that he was…very different, and it excited you in more ways than was proper for a lady to admit. “Oh!” you repeated, a little more surprised as you realized how inappropriate it was how you were standing with him—practically swooning up at him, really. You straightened yourself, twisting your shoulders slightly to lose his hands on your arms and raising your chin slightly, even though you could tell your cheeks were flaming.  “That’s rather forward of you,” you said, stepping around him to the small table located in the middle of the aisle. Your whole body was electric, on edge but not out of fear and you knew it. This strange man from out of town was doing things to you that no one had before. The indecency of it! You paused, realizing that you liked it. Perhaps that was the most indecent thing of all.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of hands on your hips, trailing the circle of your waist. They were large hands, rough, but his touch was gentle. “You’d told me you liked vintage things, Y/N,” his voice said, deep and gruff in your right ear. “I should have asked you to wear some sooner, it’s…very becoming on you.”

“I…I d-don’t know what you mean,” you stammered, looking down at his hands. “This is still very much in style. And I thought I told you, my name isn’t Y/N, it’s Ellie. Come to think of it I—” You were cut off by a soft kiss just behind your ear, the press of his body behind you causing an ache between your thighs. You gasped, steadying yourself on the stack of books you’d just set down. “T-this is highly inappropriate, Mr…well, I don’t even know your name, do I?”

“No, I’m sure you don’t,” he said, sounding amused but there was something else in his tone too. Amusement, and something darker. Arousal. Oh. “But I don’t think you care, do you?”

“E-excuse me?” You squeaked out, for the second time since you’d met. Your ears were met with a dark chuckle, and you felt him shift behind you.

“Sam once told me that the bookish ones always have the…what was it he said? Kinkiest fantasies.” He spun you to face him, and his eyes were squinted slightly, focused on your face. His tongue darted out to lave at his bottom lip, and you swallowed, hard. “I don’t think you care that you don’t know me. I think, that maybe, just maybe, I’m something new, and exciting, and you don’t care that you don’t even know my name because you want me to take you, and ruin you for any man in this tiny little town.”

Heavens, he was so handsome; all authority and smolder and surety. He was right, that was the worst part. You weren’t the good girl everyone thought you were, that you seemed to be. You wanted danger, and passion, and sex, which you knew as everyone in this town did was supposed to be for after marriage, but you just didn’t care. You were so pent up and wound up and stuck in your head and you just wanted something real—and here was this very handsome agent, standing in front of you wanting and offering to be your downfall and you wanted it, desperately. Which is why you knew you had to protest.

“I…I can’t do that.” You tried to take a step back but found the edge of the table at the back of your thighs. “I can’t let you do that, I…I have a reputation, I can’t just have an affair, with a stranger,” you protested, but his brilliant blue eyes looked you up and down and you could have sworn he knew how damp your panties were. “What if word got out? They’ll be calling me a hussy, and I’m n-not that kind of girl.”

“Oh I know. You’re a good girl—you always have been.” A fond little smile snuck its way into his sentence, quickly replaced with a dark grin. In the distance, you heard two or three of the library’s lightbulbs burst, throwing the aisle the two of you were in into deeper shadow. He loomed in front of you, his hands on your waist once more as he took a step closer, your bodies nearly flush. One hand moved to cup your chin, a thumb smoothing over your cheek. “Nobody has to know,” he whispered, and you felt your breath stolen away as his lips came down on yours, warm and slightly chapped but delicious—and somehow, familiar.

You told yourself that you didn’t want to pull him down closer by the tie, but you did. You told yourself you had no choice but to weave your fingers into his hair, whimpering into his kiss, but of course you had. And by the time he had you sitting on the table, skirt hiked up around your hips with his hands on your bare thighs, his tongue taking expert control of your mouth, you didn’t care anymore. He felt so good, nothing else seemed to matter, and in the dim half lighting it almost didn’t seem real—like any moment the lights would flicker back on and you’d find yourself alone, with nothing but your books and thoughts to keep you company. You didn’t want that to happen, you were so desperate for him to stay…

You felt him chuckle against your neck, where you were sure he was leaving hickeys. “You said we were supposed to ‘keep it PG on this case’. I’d assumed since Sam was with us, but…” he breathed out a laugh against the crook of your neck, and you sighed in pleasure. “We never seem to follow your rules, do we? Not when I know better.”

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about,” you admitted, letting out a squeal of surprise when he nipped at your pulse point. He was so close to where you really wanted him, his fingers ghosting along your inner thighs… “Please,” you breathed, shifting your legs a little wider. He paused, looking amused and arching an eyebrow at your antics.

“So forward. Maybe I was wrong about you being a good girl, after all,” he mused, fingers brushing closer to the apex of your thighs. You felt like you could barely breathe, your necktie strangling you. “I don’t need to touch you to know how wet you are, sweetheart,” he said, and you melted, pulling him back down to your lips. You were surprised he obliged you, but barely had time to think about it as your mind went white-numb with pleasure. You didn’t have much kissing experience, but he was incredible, so much so that you barely registered him sliding your panties to the side until his fingers were teasing your pussy. You whimpered, biting your lip, and he looked at you, a strange amount of admiration on his face. You’d almost say love, but you hardly knew him. Right?

“It’s like the first time all over again for you, isn’t it?” He said, eyes twinkling.

“It…it is? My first time?” You said, a bit shyly. His smile grew, and he shook his head.

“It really isn’t.” As soon as he said it, that strange déjà vu hit you again: the feeling that you had done this before, somewhere else, in a different place and way—but that he was familiar, that it had been him touching you, undoing you. You blinked in confusion.

“Wait…” you paused, then sighed in frustration. “It’s gone again,” you muttered, and he hummed understandingly, sympathetically —then thrust a finger inside you. You cried out in surprise and he shushed you, tucking your face against his shoulder.

“I’ll make it come back,” he said, and it almost sounded like a promise—or maybe a threat, but a welcome one. You heard the front door jingle, or actually bump—clearly, someone couldn’t get into the library. You tensed, as if ready to run, but he didn’t seem to want to let you move. “They can’t get in,” he assured you, and you sighed in relief. “But you should be quiet if you don’t want people to suspect. I can’t guarantee they won’t be able to hear us,” he said, and you nodded.

“The cases probably will muffle the sound. One time I got stuck on the high ladder and couldn’t get down for almost an hour because no one could hear—” Your anecdote got cut off by another heated kiss as he slipped another finger inside you, curling them against your g-spot. “Oh, mercy,” you breathed, your knees clenching on either side of his legs, and he chuckled.

“So careful with your words in this town. I wonder what it will take you to remember how to curse properly. One orgasm? Two?” He added a finger, and when you shuddered and moaned, lolling your head back he pulled your head forward with your necktie—much as you had done to him earlier. “Three, perhaps?” He asked, kissing under your ear in that way that made you clench around his fingers. In the still of the library, with nothing but a clock ticking in the far distance, you could hear the lewd wet noises his fingers were making as they thrust in and out of you. Oh, how sinful. If the ladies at bridge club knew what you were doing, you’d be the subject of conversation for weeks.

“Would you like them to talk about you?” He asked, your mind growing fuzzy again—whether from how close you were, or from that strange fogginess was unclear. Your eyes were closed already, but your brows furrowed in confusion.

“I d-didn’t say that out loud,” you realized, and he hummed in agreement.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t hear you.”

Your eyes opened slowly, and you nuzzled his cheek to make him look at you. You were nose to nose, his fingers working miracles inside you and from the way the room had begun to spin you knew you wouldn’t last long. But you had begun to realize that the feeling of something glowing about him was him, as if you were seeing it with another set of eyes. “What are you?” You asked, more of a breath than a whisper because of how wound up you were. He tilted his head again, and his eyes sparked to life, bright blue, full of light, energy.

“Someone who loves you.” Before you could even think of a reply, it was like your body was snapped into total bliss, euphoria coursing through your veins as your release hit you hard, much harder than you’d been expecting. Almost as if he’d willed it to do so, but you couldn’t think about that as you whimpered through it, his hand over your mouth as you bucked your hips down to meet his hand. You heard him growling praise in your ear, which only served to prolong your orgasm, pussy fluttering around his fingers for longer than you should have.  By the time he let you down, you were disheveled and shaking, your hair falling out of its arrangement and your shirt nearly off one shoulder, hickeys exposed on your neck. He pulled back to observe you, clear satisfaction on his face.

“Aren’t you quite the sight, Y/N,” he said, and you realized his eyes had stopped glowing. You almost wondered if it had even happens at all, if it had simply been a trick your bliss had played on you. But there was still a faint ringing in your ears, one that reminded you that you didn’t understand most of what was going on.

“Is that all?” You asked, sounding bereft and desperate, but he seemed to take it as an insult.

“Is that all?” He repeated, his voice raising indignantly as his jaw practically dropped. He let out a short laugh of disbelief. “‘Worried about your reputation’ one moment, a needy little slut the next. Unbelievable.” You swallowed a whimper at his tone, pressing your knees together. “No, Ellie, that’s not nearly all. I think you know that already—and did I give you permission to hide yourself from me?” His air was so absolute that you felt as if you were under his command, taking orders.

“N-no, sir,” you said, hesitantly opening your legs again. A moment later he was between them again, lifting your legs around his hips. You saw his lip twitch when you said sir, clearly having struck a nerve that he liked.

“Sir, hmm? Seems like you do remember some things.” You felt your cheeks burning, and you buried your face in his shoulder again, as if seeking comfort. It gave him pause, and you felt him hesitate. “Would you like to stop?” He asked gently, and you shook your head.

“No, I—I mean, I think I’m j-just a little overwhelmed,” you admitted, and you felt him set a hand to the back of your head, cradling you close. “I suppose I should have listened to mother when she said don’t chase after older men,” you mused, laughing softly. “You must think me childish.”

“That’s not quite the word I’d use,” he said, the rumble of his voice soothing you more than you understood. “But then, you’re not exactly yourself right now, so I don’t think you should put too much thought into it.” You looked up at him, getting lost in the sound of his words and the look in his eyes and oh dear, this was happening far too fast for you, wasn’t it?

“Should we slow down?” You asked, making a halfhearted attempt to pull your shirt back over your shoulder. You looked up at him with wide eyes, the eyes that usually got you what you wanted, and he squinted again.

“I know that look. You don’t want to stop, so why are you asking me?”

You couldn’t help but smile, genuinely smile, some of your reserved nature falling away. “Because,” you explained quietly, with a smoothness you hadn’t used yet, “I want you to do indecent things to me, and I don’t want you to stop until we’re both satisfied.” You reached out, playing with his tie. “But,” you said softly, looking up at him through your lashes. “I wanted to be sure that’s what you want too, agent.”

It almost seemed like you’d pushed him over the edge with that, because he took a deep breath and when he put his hands back on you, there was an urgency, a need that hadn’t been there before. “Even without knowing who I am, you still know exactly what to say to undo me,” he muttered. “To think I didn’t even know what those things were when we first met.”

“What, twenty minutes ago?” You asked with a giggle that turned into a sigh as he undid your bra and cast it aside, your tie joining it shortly afterward. His coat and suit jacket were tossed aside; you opened his shirt between kisses and frantic touches, him pulling you closer and you cloying for more of him exposed. Your head was spinning, you were still wondering about his eyes glowing when he growled, frustrated by the clasps of your bra.

“Taking too long,” he grumbled, and with a snap, it was on the floor, along with his pants and underwear and oh dear lord, he was handsome there, too.

“How did you—?” You began, but was quickly cut off with a kiss.

“Does it matter?” He asked, and as he brought his hips flush with yours you realized that the snap had gotten rid of your panties, too. You felt the head of his cock, hot and hard at your entrance and you couldn’t bear it, couldn’t bear the waiting.

“Please,” you begged, and before you could say more his mouth was on yours again, strong arms bracing himself on either side of you as yours wound around his neck. You felt him slip inside, the stretch of his cock just enough to burn gloriously as he came to rest inside you. The groan he let out made you shudder, whining at the feeling of him where you’d needed someone for so long. Goodness gracious, you didn’t even know this man and all you could think was how he fit so perfectly to you, how he felt right. Safe, even, which went against everything about the situation.

“Come on, handsome,” you whispered in his ear, lifting your hips to grind into his. “Give me something to remember you by.” The both of you moaned, your clit grinding against his pelvic bone before he thrust back down, making you yelp and submit to his leadership. He lifted your legs over his hips, and you leaned back while he found a rhythm, the sound of the table creaking and both of your panting trapped between the walls of books. He looked wrecked, shirt rumpled, tie wildly askew with his hair sticking up in all directions. You figured you looked just as untidy, what with your skirt up over your hips and shirt wide open, bra thrown onto the floor. One of your shoes had fallen off somewhere along the way, one foot bouncing with each thrust that was making your head spin and your stomach swirl with pleasure. He wasn’t shy, the lamp on the other end of the table close to falling off from the intensity of his thrusts, each of which hit so deep it had you whimpering out tiny exclamations of surprise. He shushed you, but there was a surprising look of adoration in his eyes.

“I need you to remember,” he said, gruffly, but you could tell that he was getting as close as you were. “I need your help, Sam doesn’t…doesn’t remember either, and I can’t as easily make him remember, so…”

“I hope you don’t expect me to fuck this ‘Sam’ too,” you panted, eyes rolling back in your head as he slowed down, hitting your a-spot with precision you didn’t know was possible—precision that spoke of past experience, with you.

You may not have fully understood what was going on, but you weren’t stupid.

He laughed, and shook his head. “No, but I could use your help wrapping up this case.” He leaned down and looked you right in the eyes, a hand moving to your clit. “And was that a swear I just heard? In this Christian town?”

You gasped, both from his slow circles and from the realization he was right. “Jeepers,” you whispered, and again, you felt that intense, unexpected orgasm wash across you, making you cry out. You heard yourself say something, maybe a name, as you lost yourself for the second time, your thighs shaking and your hands finding purchase in his hair.

‘Y/N.’ You heard him say your name in your mind, and for a moment, just a moment you remembered it was your name. Your eyes flew open, tears biting at their edges, and you could only whimper in response. For the second time—and this time you were absolutely sure of it— his eyes flashed blue, that high pitched ringing filling your ears. “Once more,” he demanded, and you tried to stutter out that you didn’t think you could, but you felt an invisible force press on your throat, and you couldn’t help but fall silent from the additional pleasure it gave you. “You can,” he insisted, hips becoming uneven in their thrusts, “and you will.” His voice was breaking, and some part of you felt incredibly proud that you were able to affect him just a sliver of the way he was doing to you.

“And you?” you asked, your voice eager and needy. You tugged on his hair, felt his hips stutter and a groan escape him, his hands tightening on your hips.

“Yes,” He replied, and you felt your stomach flutter with perverted glee. “I’m going to cum with you, sweetheart.” You couldn’t help but whimper, feeling your third orgasm nearing, a fresh coat of slick dampening his cock as you began to spasm around him.

“Oh my stars,” you breathed, and it was a little on the nose as you were seeing pinpricks of dancing light by that point. “Where?” You asked, and his eyes opened to fix you with a curious gaze—almost too innocently curious for what you were doing. “Where are you going to…to…” you stammered, too high on delight to find the politically correct term but not sure enough to use the one he had.

“Where am I going to cum?” He asked, near matter-of-factly, but it was the look on his face that made it so hot. He looked so possessive, so thoroughly engrossed in what you two were doing that you felt like you were at the center of the universe with him. But then he grinned wickedly, eyes going near black, and you knew what he was going to say before he did.

“Right where I always do.” He leaned forward, lips hovering over yours. “Say that you want it,” he almost sing-songed. “Tell me right where you want this stranger to put his seed, Y/N.”

“I-I-inside me!” You cried out as your orgasm hit you again, and this time, that other wave of pleasure hit immediately after, near drowning you entirely and making you black out. You felt him tense, cry out something rough in another language, and then spill himself inside you, cock pressing up deep inside against your cervix as you milked him for all he was worth. Oh, you’d have ever so much to confess on Sunday, you realized, shame washing over you with your afterglow, but then you wondered why the fuck you cared. And then, when you cracked open one eye to take a peek at your surroundings, you wondered why you were in a library.

You looked down at the the head resting above your chest, running your fingers shakily through soft dark locks. “Cas?” You asked weakly, and he looked up at you with a look of adoration. He let out a soft laugh, smiling.

“There she is.”

You tugged him up to kiss him but he was already moving, hands coming to rest on either side of you on the table as you lost yourself in him. He was still deep inside you, his groan at the way you were kissing him sending vibrations through you and making you shiver. You pulled back just enough to speak between kisses.

“Why are we in a library?”

He sighed. “This case is very confusing, but I think you were assimilated into the town. I found you playing the town librarian,” he explained, and you rolled your eyes behind closed lids.

“Of course I was.” You gave him one last kiss, holding his face in both your hands. “Where’s Sam?”

“Same as you, the town seemed to have found a role and put him into it. He thinks he’s ‘Justin Smith’ now,” Cas said, sounding irritated, and you could tell that interaction hadn’t gone well.

“My bet is still on a psychic, by the way,” you pointed out, pushing his hair back out of his eyes.

“I’m starting to think you’re right.” You were beginning to wonder if you could steal enough time for a second round when a banging came on the front door. Apparently, the patrons were getting annoyed with one of the town’s only forms of entertainment not being open for business.

“We should go,” Cas said, and you could see a little regret lingering on him. So you hadn’t been the only one hoping, interesting. You nodded in agreement, expecting to need to get dressed, but there was a swoosh and there you both were, fully clothed. The loss of him inside you was what hit you the hardest though, and you let out a small sigh.

“Come on then, agent,” you said, hopping up off the table and bouncing on your toes to regain full function of your legs before tugging him in the direction of the back door. You gave him a smile, and a wink. “Let’s get Sam, crack this case and ditch this town, shall we?”

He gazed at you thoughtfully, a funny little look in his eyes. “I’m glad you’re back, Y/N,” he told you, serious all of a sudden. “While Ellie Carter was accommodating,” he looked you up and down, still in your librarian get up, “I much prefer you.”

You smiled, reaching out to straighten his tie while standing on tiptoe. “I understand completely,” you reassured him, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. “As much fun as this was, I’d rather have my angel over a stranger any day.”

Tags are going down here from now on to keep headers tidy. Tag list is currently open, feel free to request to be added!

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[mcndozaas-blog]

☾ —— have you met kaden mendoza, the thirty year old male that looks a lot like bob morley? he has been in the syndicate as a robber for fourteen years now and is known around as the cataclysmic, because he is cunning & adventurous, as well as hedonistic & cocky. not just a gang banger, reaper is also a drug dealer.

*uberhaxornova voice* alright helLO ( watch, no one else knows who that is ) its me, ur resident trash qeen & angst n pain lover, caitlyn. i’m 23 and i live in cst so like ?? yeah hi hello how are ya’ll ?? this is my baby kaden that’s actually ?? a hot ass mess lmao ?? under the cut is his long as hECK bio and stats because... im the most extra binch you’ll ever meet and i ramble my ass off so if u make it through that bio ?? bless ur frickin heart? i’m so ridiculously excited to be here as well so that made my rambling worse ?? just like it is right now jfc okay i’ll stop. anywHO i’ve got a basic af list of wanted connections for him right HERE & his bio page right HERE. if you wanna plot w this hot ass mess, just like this or hop into my IMs bc i cannot wait to plot with all ya’ll.

ps: this is totally queued because i am currently at work ( i get off @ 8 my time ) so if i don’t reply to your IMs straight away, that’s why!!  

TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of death, murder ( ??? ), gang/cartel related things, alcohol, drugs  & guns.

past.

kaden james mendoza, you were born into a life money, power and crime. your father being the most powerful cartel leader that new york had seen in over thirty years, meaning that anything and everything illegal that happened in and out of your hometown had your dad’s last name and extremely reliable reputation on it. but he wasn’t just that person, the harsh, cruel and brutal person that the people who worked for him were lead to believe. quite the opposite, really. he was kind to you and your mother, gave you both everything you could ever ask for and made sure that both of you were safe. you never knew what it was like to struggle, never had to because everything was handed to you on a silver platter, and you loved every single second of it. you had a thing for being at the top of the social ladder even at that age, meaning that you never understood that there was a life outside of the sliver-lined one you had because you never in your life believed you’d see the day where anything in your life changed. you had that ‘happy family’ people talk about wanting all the time and you thought that no one could touch you or them because your father had everything sorted out.

not until you turned nine, that’s when all hell broke loose.

your father had gotten old, people were constantly claiming he was weak or that he was ‘too soft’ to be the leader anymore, and so he went out and tried to prove that he wasn’t. set up a meeting with someone he’d found to be a rat in his crew, the guy constantly running back and forth from one cartel to the other and your father wanted to put an end to it, while proving that he still had what it took to be the leader. but what he hadn’t expected was for the mutiny to happen, for people to tired of his leadership, for them to someone who wasn’t ‘growing soft’ ways. which meant there was talk of his plan to take the guy out far before the meeting had ever been set up in the first place. meaning that the one person who your father tried to keep in the dark about it ended up finding out.. and needless to say, his ‘fool proof’ plan failed. the meeting was compromised and the other male was able to sneak in his own weapon of choice, a dagger. one that found your father’s heart just before he was about to do the same to the other. but you didn’t know he died, not at all. the people around you, the people that betrayed your father lied to your mother, lied to you. made up this grand story about how he just decided to leave new york, how he decided he wanted to start a new life and leave everything and everyone about the old on behind. a lie that would come back to bite all of them in the ass eventually. a lie that every single one of them would regret for the rest of their lives.

your mother never fully believed the lies, but went along with them to ‘keep you safe’, to shield you from the real truth. in order to do that, she downed bottle after bottle of a liquid you’d been told to avoid because it was only for adults, knowing her behavior would drastically change with each swig she took. sure, she never got mean, never got violent and for that you were grateful. but she did get distant, would lock herself in her room and stay there for days, refusing to come out even for you. kaden, you had no idea why she was doing this, all you knew what that you hated every second of it, wanting to do whatever it took to make sure she was happy again. the only thing you could think of that used to make her happy was your father or the material things he used to buy for her every single day before he came home. sometimes it was flowers, other times it was jewelry, it all depended on just how long he was out doing ‘business’ for. but you didn’t have any money to your name, not really at least. yes, your father made tons of money doing what he did, but all of that went to your mother and she seemed to be blowing all of it on booze and cigarettes which meant you had to figure out a way to get them on your own.

you were at one of your friends’ house when you learned that you had quite the knack for all things technology related, using your laptop to hack into random websites, changing small things here and there that almost went unnoticed most of the time. but you wanted more than that, you’d had a taste of it and you craved more, so you logged into your father’s bank account one day and realized that every single member of the cartel he’d ran for years was tied to that account, that you could hack into any one of their accounts whenever you pleased. so you did, taking small bits of their money and depositing it directly into your own bank account. it wasn’t much at first, a hundred here and there after you’d gotten everyone’s information, but after a while, the bit you started to take wasn’t enough, you wanted more and you knew you could take it, so you upped the total, hitting the hundred thousands by the time you were done. however, your lucky streak ended when one of the cartel members noticed their account had quite the chunk missing out of it, all of them quickly pinning it all on your mother as they figured it was some sort of ‘revenge’ for your father… even though they assumed you both still bought into the lies they told you about him. after hearing multiple people screaming and yelling at your mother to give the money back, you fessed up, told them it was you who’d taken the money and you explained why. but your surprise, you weren’t the one reprimanded for your actions. instead, your mother put you to work, giving you stack after stack of files that had to do with the disappearance of your father, wanting you to uncover the truth behind the lies.. wanting you to find anything that had to do with him.

but that wasn’t even enough for you, not even at the age of thirteen. you need more, some gratification other than the praise of your mother and one night you found out just how to get it.. all while being able to expose and exploit some rather nasty individuals. that became your new form of income, finding out people’s dirty laundry only to hold it over their heads. you blackmailed people and you made good money from it. money you kept because you’d always remembered your father talking about how important money was when it came to his line of business. one you found yourself following, even if you couldn’t see that quite yet. you though you were just working for your mother to help you both find the truth about your father and you left it at that, but all the while the members of his cartel whispered about your talents, knew that you’d be more than likely to take the whole operation out from underneath your mother’s feet one day. but you weren’t just good at hacking into things, no. you could pick up new languages like it was as easy at breathing, able to talk to multiple people who would make your family name even bigger than it already was in their native tongues, meaning you quickly overruled your mother when it came to where you wanted the cartel to go. however, that wasn’t for you.. you liked what you were doing when it came to exposing bad people to the world, all while keeping your families dirty laundry buried deep within encrypted codes that only you knew how to unlock.

kaden, you should have known that wouldn’t be the way things worked for long. you liked power, you liked money and you loved the gratification that came from doing illegal things. so you found another way to gain power and respect, all thanks to a group of kids that your mother would have shamed you for hanging out with. but you didn’t care, not anymore, being with them gave you freedom, something you hadn’t had your entire life and they had you wrapped around their manipulative fingers faster than you could blink an eye. you were so naive before you met them, and they called you out on it, bet you wouldn’t show up at one of their parties one night because they knew it’d get under your skin and you’d do anything to prove them wrong. so did, you went, you snuck out of the house and everyone was pleasantly surprised to see you. not long after you got there, they invited you to a basement, showing you that there was another life within the walls. a life that didn’t involve following every order you’re given without question. you also figure out that there’s a perfect way to let out the anger set deep within you and you begin to participate in boxing matches. a “fight club” of sorts, really. most of the people there were in it for the money, but not you. you could just take your father’s card and get whatever you wanted, so you didn’t need or want the money. no, you wanted the power you felt after you won, the praise that filled your ears for the first time in your life was beyond intoxicating and you couldn’t get enough of it. things started going in a circle for you after that night, but you never wanted it to change. you’d get up, go to school, come home and do your homework, pretend that you were sleeping and then you were out the door, dressed in all black as you made your way to the next basement to ultimately win the fight you were signed up for.

the rebellious streak you found yourself on didn’t end with the boxing matches, though. you were intoxicated from the feeling you felt and it started to consume you. you wanted to find more ways to give you that feeling and you weren’t going to stop until you found them. this lead to you meeting more people like you, more people who wanted to find some form of power that didn’t come from their family names. you ended up finding your safe haven in the most unsafe way you could have. you started drinking at a very young age, doing other illegal substances if they were offered. not to mention the fact that the boys in your little ring of friends would always bring girls to your fights. you’d never even really thought about girls until one day one of the ones your best friend brought with him decided to hang all over you after you’d won yet another fight. it sent your confidence soaring and you loved it. but you didn’t like the idea of just being with one specific person, it was to ‘normal’ for you. you felt like if you were to go steady with one person, you’d turn out to be far too normal and well, you didn’t like that thought one bit. so you ended up breaking that girls heart by sleeping with another, and then another after that. yet another horrible cycle you didn’t seem to want to break. a cycle you let rule your world, all while taking money from unsuspecting people’s bank accounts to line your pockets. how’d you end up becoming just like your father in his younger years? a question heard your mother mumble to herself on evening, but chose to ignore because you had it all, money, power, reputation, girls, alcohol.. it was all at your fingertips and you weren’t letting that go.

however, as much as you loved what you were doing, you decided to go back to your roots when it came to hacking. to go back and find people who were doing wrong things and expose them, just because you figured that if the world was paying attention to those people, they’d turn a blind eye to all the illegal things you seemed to be getting yourself into. it sounded good in your head, and you wanted to push yourself past where you’d been before, to go for someone with more power than those you were hacking into, for someone who had more power than you did, and so you did. you couldn’t believe that you found hacking into the secretary of state’s email address to be easy, but you did. it only took you one red bull, a bag of popcorn and three hours to find out that even the 'good’ guys weren’t as good as they let the cameras believe. something that made you smirk to yourself because it just meant that what you were doing wasn’t that bad at all. you now new that the secretary of state was having an affair on his wife, gambling state money and taking money from charity funds for himself. things you figured that new york deserved to know and with few mouse clicks later and all of those emails were sent to cnn. causing you to instantly became the talk of the town, they wrote articles about you while using the codename 'ph4n70m’ which stood for phantom, something you considered yourself to be as you’d lived in the shadows for most of your life anyways. they had you on the top stories in news broadcasting, your codename was trending on twitter and you were the ticket item for months as everyone tried to figure out who you were, and you absolutely loved the feeling, loved knowing that no matter what, you were being talked about, all while keeping your identity, your mother’s identity and your father’s business off the radar. it was like this new game for you, finding more dangerous things to hack into all while doing random odd-jobs for friends and fellow students for some money on the side. this was it, the life that you wanted, a life that gave you everything your father had.

during your school years, you’d come home and instantly sit down on your computer, finding the next big thing that would continue to keep your codename alive, to keep you the m moment. but after a while, that began to die down too and you knew you needed something that would get you noticed, something that would get you thrown in jail for the rest of your life if you were caught. so you decided to attempt to hack into one of the most secure buildings in the united states: the pentagon. you didn’t even really have a reason, and honestly? you didn’t need one, but you were rather nosy and wanted to see if you could uncover any more dirty laundry. much to your surprise and disappointment, you didn’t find anything that was worth your time. a few people had been discharged for a few things, but nothing was news worthy. so you left it alone and went back to exposing people who had done things that would get you that fifteen minutes of fame all over again. but that wasn’t enough, so you decided to make a move you never thought you would. you took over for your mother, told her you were old enough ( you were eighteen, which meant you were legal, so you figured why not ), told her that she didn’t need the burden of the business on her shoulders anymore and that you’d take over from there. but what you didn’t tell her was that you planned on getting back at every single person that’d done your father wrong in the process. you weren’t a voilent person, you took your anger out in your boxing matches, so you knew you weren’t going to hurt anyone even though it had crossed your mind a few times. no, instead you decided to do what you were best at, hacking into all of their accounts and linking them to a cartel that’d try to plant it’s roots in your territory, a cartel that you quickly had exposed to the police via a few emails under the 'ph4n70m’ alias. two birds with one stone, why not go for it? but your mother didn’t approve of you basically firing all of your men. you couldn’t do this alone, you knew that, but you sure ass hell didn’t want backstabbers working for you. something she needed to understand, something you proved to her by showing everything you’d found years ago about the mutiny.

but things didn’t stay that way and you found out that life can change in the blink of an eye. you’d met someone in school, someone who saw past the wall you kept up around your heart, someone you found yourself falling for. it was young love, yes, but it was unlike any feeling you’d ever had. the people around you didn’t find that as a smart move, though, they started calling you weak, whipped and a million other things that got under your skin because you’d learned that your father had something very similar to this situation happen to him. however, you knew the outcome wouldn’t be the same, and you showed that by cracking down on people who were slacking and making sure everything was run just as smoothly as it could be, all while still having that person what every one called you weak for falling for, showing them that they were wrong. showing them that you could do both and still be the 'heartless asshole’ you needed to be when it was necessary. however, you should have paid attention to the people around you that weren’t your employees, because there was a storm brewing that you never thought would hit so close to home. there was a rival cartel trying to weave their way into new york, and they’d been doing their research on you. knowing that the only way to get to you was through the one person who had gotten past your wall. you woke up to a text message from an unknown number telling you that you had twenty-four hours to get the hell out of new york or everything you knew and cared about would be burnt to the ground.

what other choice did you have but to obey? if they’d threatened you, it would have been find, you would have rolled your eyes and moved on. but they’d attached photos of you and her strolling down the streets, hand in hand along with your address and hers. so you made the hardest choice you would have to make in your life, you packed up everything and left. leaving notes for your friends and her with your mother, telling her to give them out because you’d made the choice to move and get out on your own. she didn’t understand that, though, you were only fifteen and couldn’t actually get a job anywhere, you couldn’t drive, yet you were packed up and had a plane ticket for a town in indiana that you’d never even heard of before, but it was so off the radar that you figured it’d be the best bet. you had to get away, had to start all over. but that was okay with you. you knew that you could manage, you knew you’d be able to figure something out whenever you got there. yes, it’d be hard, but you were strong and you knew that.

however, what you didn’t expect was to find a lifestyle there that wasn’t all that different from the one you’d lived in new york. you’d been pick-pocketing people for money to afford a shitty hotel room, one that you now called your home when someone saw you tricking someone else. whenever the person approached you, you fully expected them to call you out and put you under citizen’s arrest, but to your surprise, they offered you a job. it wasn’t much at first, you’d go to their hq and clean up and never asked questions about what in the hell they were doing because honestly? you had a general idea and you wanted in, no matter what it was they were actually doing. you found out when someone came in with a duffel bag full of money, something that made your heart start pumping once again. you hadn’t seen that much money since you’d been the “leader” of your father’s business, so you knew with every fiber of your being that you needed to be more hands on, that you needed to be involved in the heists they set up.

to their surprise, you were good with guns, good with violence. good with not showing emotions other than anger. that you could become a really good asset for them. so began your 'new’ life. you became a robber, meaning you became more hands on than you ever thought you would have been. and you loved every single second of it. you had power, but the focus wasn’t just on you. you had other people you were working with and for once, you were okay with working with others. they became your family, you found yourself realizing that year after year that went by, you’d do anything for them. kaden, you found a life for yourself that not only made you happy because you were able to do what you wanted to do, but you found people who loved it just as much, people you could trust your life with, people who you found yourself actually caring for. more so than you’d ever felt that for anyone. but there was that small part of you that thought you needed more, so more was what you went for and not long after that, you found yourself falling back into the old habits of dealing drugs. you started small at first, dealing nothing but weed, but a year after that you were back to selling everything you’d been selling back in new york and for the first time in your life, you were content. this was the life you’d wanted. power without being a 'leader’, fun without worrying about the consequences.. you had it all, and you were so damn happy.

present.

you’ve lived that life for fourteen years now, and there isn’t a damn thing you’d change about it, nor do you see yourself stopping any time soon. you have it all, all while keeping yourself so far off the radar that people from your past couldn’t find you even if they tried. not to mention the fact you’re able to do whatever you want with your money, spending it on alcohol, drugs, cars, shoes, clothes, clubs, bars and women. things that you’d had back in new york, sure.. but here? here it was different. you were able to do all of the things you wanted to do without having to worry about any of your choices effecting an entire business. yes, you made mistakes, some that were hard to fix or cover up, but they were covered up in the long run so that took the weight off of your shoulders. of course, you have to be careful with how you act in public, but you’d always been good at that anyways so that was as easy as breathing in your honest opinion. what still troubles you from time to time is the fact that you have to let people in, that the people around you know far more about you than you ever thought they would have fourteen years ago. that’s hard, yes, and you struggle with it, slipping back into your 'heartless asshole’ reputation you had back in new york far more often than not. but you’re sure the people around you know that you can’t help it, that it’s just how you are.. and that you don’t mean to offend anyone with your actions or words. or at least you hope so, because you’d actually do care about them. they’ve become closer to you than your old friends or family. you also still have your side job of dealing drugs to people around monroe, and you’re doing everything you can to keep both of your jobs going as smoothly as possibly, all while still living the way you want to live.

however, even though you keep your jobs and the syndicate on the down low and in the shadows, you have a tendency to flaunt your money whenever possible, something that makes your mother roll her eyes because she didn’t raise you to be 'pretentious, arrogant and vain’ but you don’t mind because at the end of the day, she still loves you with all of her heart. something that you cherish with every fiber of your being, something that you actually allow yourself to feel because you’ve learned that in your line of business, bottling up every emotion you’ve got works far better than letting them all out. which also means that you still tend to sleep around, a habit you couldn’t seem to break and honestly? it’s probably better that way, or at least that’s what you tell yourself all the time. 'it would be far too dangerous to involve someone in your life for more than just a hook up.’ it’s a plausible excuse, and you’ve never led someone on, making them believe you were looking for more than just that.. so you don’t really see an issue with it. as long as it’s not hurting anyone else, why should you stop? you tell yourself that far too often, any time you come home with a different person, any time you go out and party as if you’ve just turned twenty-one. but what you don’t realize is your friends are concerned about you. they see through the lies when you tell them 'you’re fine’ or 'i got plenty of sleep’, but they never call you out on it because they’re worried their jobs would be at risk if they did. that’s the person you’ve become, kaden. someone who drinks too often, someone who doesn’t get enough sleep.. or at all because of just how busy juggling two lives is. but you’re determined to go on living the life that you want to live, acting the way you want to act because in your mind you’ve earned every second of it. which, you might have, but that doesn’t stop you from being a human being. someone who needs rest, someone who needs to stop juggling everything, someone who needs to stop thinking he has to do everything on his own. but hey, it’s your life, you’ll ignore most people whenever they try to tell you how to live your life because you’re stubborn, just like your father.. someone who would be so proud of you for picking up his legacy and making the 'family business’ grow to heights he never could have done, and that’s all that matters to you. you’ve become the man he wanted you to be from the moment you were born, and that might not be the best thing in the world due to the fact you have to live your life so shut off from everyone else. you’re lonely, kaden, and that’s not something you can fix by partying, hooking up with other people or running businesses. you need to find a way to balance everything in your life.

personality.

hides behind a wall of sarcasm, cockiness, anger and lust.

doesn’t really care to get to know people and had a tendency to push people away before they get too close to him due to his job.

wears glasses to read and mess w computers, but hates them a lot and probably won’t wear them if people are around.

loves suits & everything expensive.. will probably look like he just came out of a photo shoot like 8 times outta 10 ??

however, he rocks jeans, v-necks, shorts, sweats, leather jackets and anything that makes him look like your typical fuckboi jock?? it’s kinda his aesthetic.

is …. stubborn as hell and refuses to ask for help with anything.

has a motorcycle and it’s his baby.. has a few cars too bc tbh he likes to flaunt his money

a hot mess

loves halloween so much?? even though it’s his birthday?? he gets so hype for that holiday it’s unreal.

fluent in a lot of languages, picked them up so that he didn’t need translators at meetings with potential business partners.

lowkey worried that people will figure out that he’s not the complete asshole role that he plays on a daily basis and is actually a very hurt person bc if people started realizing that, he’d have to start feeling again and tbh, he don’t wanna do that.

is the biggest flirt you will ever meet??

will try to get everyone to go to bars n parties with him because that’s his life in a nutshell.

hella nerd on the inside though like owns so many comic books, loves to play video games, read books, write songs & all that jazz.

super, super intelligent. had he not gone into the life he did, he’d probably be working for nasa or something idk.

drinks like every night?? it’s a problem tbh.

he cares… god he cares so much about people and the world but he pretends to hate everything because it’s easier than letting people in.

full of horrible and cheesy pick up lines and jokes and frequently texts people said pick up lines and jokes.

owns a book that is full of nothing but blank pages and keeps it on his coffee table because he 'relates’ to it.

is a highkey hoe but he keeps it on the dl

speaking of….. might be a highkey dom yikes

super into fitness as it’s a way to keep him away from drinking every evening, even if that doesn’t actually work ??

loves boxing so much and can be seen at the gym almost every night..

also has bruised knuckles 24/7 because of it as it’s a way to take out his aggression and feelings out on a punching bag??

actually super loyal and caring once you’re able to see get past his wall??

which is really hard to do due to his job but if u do it he’ll cherish u.

is one of those people who’s instagram feed is nothing but pictures of his dogs and food.

has a bad habit of smoking whenever he’s stressed out or drunk.

will also talk about his dogs more often than he talks about his life.

highkey into cuddling and all the cute shit like that but would literally never tell a soul because then they’d see that he isn’t such a hardass.

is a burnt cupcake who has really good intentions but has horrible execution skills.

statistics.

full name: kaden james mendoza.

nickname(s): kade, reaper, k or m, ph4n70m ( phantom. ).

age: thirty.

date of birth: october 31st.

zodiac sign: scorpio.

place of birth: new york city, new york.

gender: cis-male.

sexual orientation: bisexual.

romantic orientation: bisexual.

religion: n/a.

occupation: robber / drug dealer.

language(s) spoken: english, french, spanish, welsh, russian, korean, japanese, italian, romanian, greek, gaelic and bulgarian.

accent: american.

physical appearance.

face claim: bob morley.

hair color: brown.

eye color: brown.

height: 6′ 1″.

weight: 225 lbs.

build: athletic.

personality / traits.

label: the cataclysmic.

positive traits: cunning, adventurous, intelligent, charming & brave.

negative traits: hedonistic, cocky, impulsive, flirtatious & closed off.

fears: claustrophobia.

hobbies: playing video games, reading books / comics, boxing, pool, going to sports events, soccer, football, going to the gym, playing guitar, playing piano, cooking, hiking, camping, fishing, golf.

quirks: belives in karma, fights for animal rights, fights for gender equality, fights for human rights, fights for marriage equality, wears mismatched socks ( sometimes ), counts stairs, plays with fire, plays a musical instrument, boxes, enjoys nature, tells the truth / can be brutally honest, uses bad puns whenever possible.

likes: rain, thunderstorms, cars, shoes, boxing, sports, nighttime, fall, traveling, swimming, cooking, art, astronomy, greek history, food, animals, movie marathons, comic books.

dislikes: seafood, heat, bad traffic, being bossed around.

family

father: gideon james mendoza. ( deceased. )

mother: lindsey rose williams-mendoza. ( living. )

siblings: a younger sister ( living. )

pets: two siberian huskies named balto and steele.

financial status: upper class.

tests.

myers-briggs: estp-a

enneagram: type 8 ( the challenger. )

moral alignment: lawful evil. ( the dominator. )

temperament: choleric.

hogwarts house: slytherin.