#sometimes i'm like 'oh i don't have A Thing that i'm Autistic™ about it looks really fun i want a thing :(' and then i remember.

[b-blushes]

i <3 being outside and observing the plants and birds and sky and recording the changes over time <3

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

Other than catra/catradora, what problems do you have with the show?

oh boy, where do i even start? i'm just gonna try and keep it short because if i try to explain every single aspect in detail, this post could be turned into a book. so i'm just gonna list out all the problems i have with this show, both in terms of problematic elements and poor writing.

blatant ableism towards the autistic character

bullying and mistreatment of a young boy being played for laughs

war and desolation being used as an Aesthetic™ rather than a theme/message

rushed and poorly written character arcs (and no, it's not just catra)

amatonormativity and forced ships (the show is supposed to be representative of the LGBT community, yet almost all of the characters need to end up in a relationship, in order to have a happy ending)

boring and poorly written Final Boss™

too much fanservice (little snippets of fanservice is fine but when you ignore and disrespect canon just so you can make the viewers happy, that's a problem)

an entire kingdom is conquered and its people probably killed/seriously harmed, and its ruler is shown moping around in a bathtub and eating ice cream as if they got stood up by their date instead (this connects to my earlier point about war being trivialized)

the only non-binary representation being a shapeshifting lizard creature (look, i like double trouble as a character but you have to admit that they're not exactly good representation)

one of the most powerful female characters in OG she-ra being reduced to the "doting aunt" (for a show that claims to be about empowering women, they sure ignore the powerful women in canon)

weird pacing and inconsistencies (apparently two or three years passed within the five seasons, yet the characters haven't aged at all, especially frosta who supposedly went from 12 to 14, yet looks exactly the same)

the princesses are useless (they should have named the show 'Catra and the others' lmao)

overuse of character archetypes instead of making original characters (the peaceful vegan flower princess who sometimes loses her temper, the depressed emo girl™, the hyperactive child™)

stereotyping of certain communities (the high-functioning autistic genius, the angry latina, the predatory lesbian, etc)

bad comedy (this is probably subjective and i don't expect everyone to agree, but most of the comedic elements is SPOP was just.. corny. only scorpia worked well as a comic relief character imo)

the only polyamory representation being two bullies and their victim

death of the author™ (basically, confirming things outside of the series, instead of portraying them well in canon)

plot holes and unsatisfying conclusions (adora's origin was a huge plot point in s4 but they completely abandon it in the last season)

there may be a lot that i've missed because i have a goldfish brain and tend to forget stuff. but i'd say these are the main problems i have with the show. it did a few things right, but fucked up on a thousand others.

[indigayghost]

1, 3, 14 and 16

1. what disability/ies do you have? (and are they mental, physical, or both?)

Autism & adhd (also like anxiety/depression I don't know if those countashahaj), chronic pain due to crocheting very hard + fibromyalgia + something autoimmune probably (I'm going to the doctor tomorrow)

3. what, if any, disability aids do you use? (mobility aids, sensory aids, braces, communicative devices, IVs, etc. meds also count here). do you customize them/their containers/outsides?

I take lots of meds for depression/anxiety, adhd and fm but like I won't try to translate their names I'm sorry agshsjs and also lots of painkillers and I have a cute pink container for them and the extra boxes I put in a cute cookie tin! (also funny story I stopped writing this to go take my night meds and I LOST THE CONTAINER I had to search the whole house I wasn't finding it anywhere and then it was with my nail things that I used in the morning :/

Sometimes when I'm nonverbal I use an text to speech app, sunglasses for eye sensitivity, ear mufflers, lots of sensory toys! Wrist and arm braces, hot bags for The Pain™ and I'm starting to use a wheelchair when I'm outside

Also i bought a thingie to put in the hairdryer so I don't need to hold it because it hurts I'm counting that as a mobility aid

Something I don't have but it would be so so so helpful is a shower chair because my blood pressure is very low and I faint like 8 out of 10 showers haha

I'm counting the little salt bags as a disability aid too sue me if you will but these things saved me more times than I can count

14. has there ever been a time where you felt solidarity/community with another disabled person in a situation with you?

Oh yeah! There was this time in the train that I was seated in the preferential seat and a woman started to scream with me that I shouldn't be there and then the guy seating next to me was like HE'S AUTISTIC IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT FUCKING LEAVE and I was like thank you 😭 and he said it's fine I'm *insert here another invisible disability I don't remember sorry kind train man* we got to have our backs and I was like yeah!

Also my cousins fiancé is disabled and everytime we're in a family dinner or something there's always one moment someone say something so dumb and we look at each other with so much understanding it's funny

And also obviously all the times I talk about an issue here there's always so many kind comment and helpful advice ❤️ to my disabled moots yall are awesome and you helped me understand and validate my experiences so so much I love you all

16. free space to talk about whatever disability issue or experience you want !

Uuuugh I'm so bad at free spaces!!!! I don't know what to saaaaaaaaay

Well I think like, my journey of accepting my disabilities is just beginning actually

Growing up autistic (and specially afab, autistic and fat) makes it very very hard for you to listen to your body and needs. Everytime I said something was wrong or that I didn't felt right people said it was nothing or that I was being a crybaby and it wasn't as bad as I was making it or that it was my fault because I was fat, so I'm still very bad at telling like how much pain I'm in and stopping doing something before it hurts me, but I'm learning and everyday I get a little bit better at stepping up for myself and my needs so that's cool!

I love how I found in the wwdits fandom not only other crazy people to scream with me because of gay vampires but also a really kind community full of disabled folks that make me feel so validated and free and looked out for so yeah I love you guys 💖

[symptoms-syndrome]

I haven't posted in a bit. Anyway I'm gonna bitch under a readmore as per usual.

I know I have a "the thing I hate abt the way people talk online' thing every other week. Anyway this time it's about like. The way people use "neurotypicals," and it isn't even beef with how people use "neurotypical" to mean "not mentally ill" when that's not even what it means.

There's smth about the way people use it that strikes me as odd bc people will be like "oh only neurotypicals get x" or "neurotypicals hate when u x" or whatever when it's like. Not even really related to any sort of neurotypicality or anything at all it's just like. Neurotypical is just used for "people who don't get it" which like. Sometimes is just "people not in on these niche internet memes" or "people not in fandom" like I guarantee you getting annoyed at someone for making everything an anime or meme reference is not "#neurotypical things" or whatever it's just that they don't get it. Am I making sense? My brain feels at like 30% charge today.

IDK I think it's also weird bc it's used in really weird ways sometimes and like. I think people are getting too comfortable w the idea that "neurotypical" just means "people who are rude to me/don't get me" which is weird not only bc you're assuming someone else's mental wellness or whatever but also bc there are absolutely mentally ill, autistic, etc people who will also do those things.

Esp when it's used in like. IDK ways where it's like "oh neurotypicals don't understand that I can't do the dishes bc I've been playing my fave video game" or some shit like that like it's circling right back to "autism = childish behavior" sometimes. Like some things that people label as #neurodiversity are just like. Refusing to learn, being rude, being childish etc. And a lot of things labelled that way are harmless (like. While it's annoying to label "obsessed with anime characters" as a #neurodiversity trait it's mostly just annoying) there's def some things I think will have greater consequences, mostly stuff related to like. Interpersonal relationships. Like I do obvi understand they're gonna be different for ppl w diff brains n stuff. But simplifying things to "the way Neurodiverse people Do Thing (correct)" and "the way Neurotypicals Do Thing (incorrect)" is so. Reductive and pointless but also often? Bad. Not being able to communicate your feelings and just stewing in resentment isn't #neurodiversitythingz it's emotional immaturity and they're not the same thing. Like autistic ppl do have more trouble than neurotypical ppl w labelling and communicating our feelings but that isn't an excuse to just be like "LOL it's #neurodiversity Neurotypicals™ need to deal w it" bc it's also harming like. Other not-neurotypical people. I guess I'm just tired of people hijacking the idea that autistic people don't need to change just for the sake of "not being weird" just to say that autistic people never need to change or grow...ever. bc that's not really. What that's supposed to be about. Autistic/mentally ill/etc people also do need to grow and mature etc just like #Neurotypicals (if there is such a thing, which also brings the idea that people are reframing the fight against a systemic issue to a fight against individual people they perceive as not mentally ill)

IDK it's just. Immature to me. Also so...dismissive of people who don't fit into your mold of what you think mental illness/autism looks like.

IDK if this makes sense. I'm just bitching bc if I see another post that's like this I'm gonna flip a table I think. It's given me such a knee-jerk reaction to any post about "neurotypicals" bc I just automatically assume it's bullshit.

[all-or-nothing-baby]

okay. so. i do try not to moan too much on here but. BUT. i am feeling a little sorry for myself today. so fuck it.

(listing my Really Bad Day under a cut for anyone who likes looking at the car crash and wants to know what's going on with me, bc i don't want to bring anyone down with my bullshit).

i'm posting this not for sympathy but as an autistic who is very bad at self soothing—but who is really trying to get better at it. SO. i'm here to pls ask you for some things! (which is another thing i'm bad at but working on).

i'm requesting fic or poetry or art recs (hurt/comfort is my favourite trope but i'm up for most things!)... to be tagged in your wonderful creations (which pls note: anyone can do at any time anyway, just @ me)... for you to tell me about some good TV shows or films or ted talks or documentaries to watch, for albums to listen to etc etc etc... basically ANYTHING you think will be nice for me to consume/experience/enjoy...

i really would be most grateful :))

a huge ass thank you in advance to anybody who replies! <333

MY REALLY BAD DAY

so my many stupid bastard chronic illnesses have had me cancel yet another meet-up with friends... i luckily enjoy my own company a lot of the time but sometimes i just really, really wanna hang out with my bros, y'know? thus, said chronic illness is making me feel both physically (MCAS is affecting my stomach BADLY today) and therefore mentally like SHIT ON A STICK; i've just received a completely unexpected debt letter (for a rather significant amount) in the post, from an ancient account i barely remember holding from literally years ago when i was in hospital being diagnosed with bipolar and my brain (and therefore Real Life) went to shit for a good while; there's building work going on in the flat above me and i can hear the constant drilling etc even over my noise cancelling headphones, and my sensory issues are going fucking apeshit; also my joints are hurting so much i can't even do any artwork, which is my usual go-to comfort zone. oh OH and it's sunny out (which i fucking despise bc i'm a vampire ha), so all my cats have abandoned me to go lounge around the neighbourhood on warm concrete! this is on top of all the usual i'm-too-disabled-to-be-on-top-of-everything-therefore-everything-is-a-constant-mess bollocks. so anyways i am all alone like poor peter parker and Feeling Sad™. lol.

ps i'm aware none of this shit is THAT BAD, i'm just feeling it today.

pls just send me stuff! anything! x)

[bread-tab]

an antidote to social anxiety

or: i ramble at length about my thoughts on my own debilitating social anxiety and how i'm genuinely starting to get over it through one weird trick™ you can try at home.

i'm in this ongoing process of making myself remember that people are people. it's easiest with strangers on the street, harder with my family and friends, harder still with people on the internet, and most difficult of all with myself.

what does that mean? does it mean this is all a game to me, that i read your posts every day and judge you like a fictional character, that i don't care about anyone's feelings?

no.

what it means is that i'm autistic and have social anxiety, adhd, trauma, leftover identity issues from being trans, and a lot of ocd and dissociative tendencies—things that add up together into my mind being a dark, funky little place that i don't feel entirely at home in. there's probably varying levels of depersonalization involved, i don't know enough about that particular symptom to say. (something i should really probably look into more.)

anyway, what i'm trying to get at here is like, the cognitive side of all that. how it affects my thinking about people. how i relate to both others and myself. i've developed detachment as a defense mechanism.

i care immensely about people. maybe too much. i take things too seriously, i struggle to tell whether people are joking, and i'm way too anxious about every interpersonal thing ever. and that's just too much to process while i'm actively in a social situation. so, i push it to the side. i mask it. with the side effect of my mind going blank, and having trouble reacting emotionally to anything. someone tells me bad news? oh dear, i'm vaguely worried. someone tells me good news? oh nice, i'm vaguely worried. but i'm aware that that's an inappropriate response, so i fake an appropriate one—but i fake it as honestly as i can. i take a split second to go into the best social-analysis-genius mode i can muster and ask myself (without so many words, it's more of a feeling), how would i react to this if i wasn't incredibly anxious/feeling like i'm faking being a real person? and i can usually figure that out, and channel it, and it's almost as good as the real thing. almost.

(but hey, optimistically...maybe this is one of those fake-it-'til-you-make-it things. maybe i'm genuinely training myself out of having anxiety and back into having authentic reactions.)

and this works okay as a coping mechanism. it doesn't actually fix the anxiety, but it allows me to actually interact with people sometimes without spontaneously combusting in sheer terror.

thing is, that anxiety is still there, underneath. it's got deep roots. that anxiety warps how i perceive people. it warps my sense of self. and sometimes, when i'm really tired or really depressed...it gets out. it contaminates the mask. i find myself acting snarky, cynical, flippant, sometimes even genuinely mean.

and then i come back to myself, in the moment or after a good long sleep, and i go, that's not me. that's not who i really am. why did i do that? it's mortifying.

and that shame just reinforces the entire social anxiety cycle. fear myself, fear others, mask/put up walls, get tired, slip up, and worsen the fear. i'm not actually a bad person. but treating myself as if i was makes me a worse person than i would be if i could just somehow let all this anxiety go and be real with people. if i could forgive myself for being human.

so as to how this internal struggle relates to how i see other people... it messes with my empathy.

because like, that whole golden rule thing, "treat others the way you would want to be treated"? yeah, that doesn't work for me. i still try it as a thought exercise sometimes because i'm desperate. and it goes like... "how would you like to be told bad news?" either dump all the details on me right now (yes, trauma-dump, i need to know) or fuck off and deal with it yourself. don't ask me for help, i have my own issues, i don't have energy for you. "how would you like someone to comfort you if your pet died?" i wouldn't. i'd be too busy blaming myself and stewing in self-hatred. hit me up if you're an honest-to-god actual necromancer, otherwise leave me alone.

and uh, that's not who most people are! that's not even who i actually am! that's the full fermented toxicity of my social anxiety laid bare. because that thought experiment means i have to imagine being in a situation that would make me anxious and my response would involve imagining what i would want if i wasn't in that situation and that's where the whole thing breaks down because that's just too goddamn much for me to imagine at once. so i seem to get stuck on the anxiety, and damn, anxiety-brain is just in full fight-or-flight "leave me the fuck alone or else" mode.

so hey, it's very easy for me to empathize with people who are panicking! that's a plus.

the obvious answer to this little conundrum seems to be just...try that little thought experiment again but imagine not being anxious in the first place. and like...jeez, i wish i knew how to do that. i'm working on developing the emotional intelligence skills to be able to do that. i'm just really not there yet. i'm continually surprised by positive emotions, in other people and myself.

surprised and relieved. like, that person over there is feeling cheerful! thank god, jesus christ, i forgot everyone isn't severely depressed. wow, this thing inspires me with childish wonder! holy shit that's a real emotion? oh hey, me and the person i'm talking to right now are both calm and confident. sweet motherfucking pancakes batman i thought this only happened in movies!

so like...to bring this back to my original point... it's hard for me to realistically predict how people will react to things. up to and including myself. when i was a kid, i had really low/delayed empathy, maybe even impaired theory of mind, if that's a valid way to put it. (something i've struggled to convince my therapist of, because now i'm like this.) and as a teenager i realized i'd gotten fucked up somewhere in my development, and i care, so i got anxiety. so i try to think through it and i end up with either hardcore sherlock-holmes-style analysis or just panic that forces me to give up and distract myself. and the point is, i've ended up with a really screwed up twisted way of perceiving people.

and yet. miraculously. i've found a loophole.

i've somehow learned to sidestep the entire monstrous mechanism of my anxiety.

the frustrating thing is i don't really have the words to describe it.

it kind of feels like i've hacked the matrix.

it's like...

it's like i can put so much analytical energy into the social mask where everything is real pretending to be fake pretending to be real that i can just break through and come out the other side. like wait. everything is fake. so i'm free. so i can just be real.

and that just sounds like i'm saying, "hey, i figured out how to turn off my anxiety."

which is so wrong! i didn't! i'm actually still terrified. and i can't explain the reality of this breakthrough without all these miles and miles of background details because it just sounds obvious and/or fake.

reality is made up actually, so just do whatever.

your fears aren't reality. that's all in your head.

...well, i live in my head. i've had to get to this point the hard way. i'm glad some of y'all start out here and don't have to figure all this out for yourselves (seriously, not /s, i'm glad not everyone has to go through this)...but i've been down a different path.

so what does it mean, that "people are people"? that i have to remind myself of this, and that the reminder eases my anxiety?

i think it means i've developed a completely new concept of what a person is. what it means to be human.

and at the same time, that old anxiety-driven perception is still there, my social anxiety still gets triggered on a daily basis. and what i'm trying to do is notice that i'm using that old concept of "person." i'm trying to switch to the new concept. and that completely reframes the entire situation.

i can't encapsulate the old concept in a single word. it's the unsociable hipsterly refrain, "i hate people." it's person (derogatory), person (threat), person (predator). it's the competitive, hierarchical instinct...people are either ideals on pedestals or demons who have fallen from said heights. people is the generic popular kid from tv who will inevitably bully you for no reason, the sitcom studio audience who will laugh at the expense of everything you say. people is the eldritch, unknowable other, the alien intelligence that can outsmart you while remaining inherently unpredictable. it's barely even a concept of its own, really; it's a trigger, a vaguely person-shaped (friend-shaped?) sensory appendage attached to the network of anxiety nerves in my brain.

so i'm rewiring. i'm just going "fuck that, 'person' now means this other thing." it's infuriating how simple that sounds when i've put years of blood sweat and tears (aka, therapy) into getting myself to the point where it can happen.

and i don't want to understate that effort but... it is simple. if you're reading this and you have social anxiety and autism yourself, i want you to know it gets simpler. it gets easier to understand. you have to figure out how to get yourself there, and that's really hard, that's the struggle. but it's a solvable problem. it's possible.

and my new concept? i can't sum that up in one word either. it's humans. person (affectionate). my people. clever little creatures, like if you mixed a raven with a racoon and made it really tall and good at throwing things. warm beings that are so incredibly loving and loyal. but that makes it sound like i'm sanitizing humanity, making up a fake palatable version, and i'm not.

i'm constructing the concept of 'human' from new foundations, and i'm not leaving anything out. i'm building this concept in a hundred different ways, from so many starting points of different concepts that already make sense to me.

one starting point: babies. because i love babies and my social anxiety just doesn't apply to them. a baby can't hurt me. it's a baby. but a baby is also a person. a baby has every human need, and they'll let you know it with unbearable screaming because they don't know any other way to communicate. a baby is incredibly smart and focuses all of its energy on transforming into an adult, which is generally highly effective. babies are scarily competent. but they're also just...baby. small, soft, adorable. just literally baby.

and i can look at literally anyone, even the people who scare me the most, who in reality resemble person (old definition, threat, predator) more than they do person (new definition, literally just a little creature)—i can look at that person and go, dude, that was a baby once. i can look at a politician who could ruin my life with one stroke of a pen and mentally say, "that's a two-year-old with a gun." which is still a terrifying and heartbreaking scenario, but it's an effective reframe. it completely changes my role in the situation. it doesn't make me any less wary, it doesn't invalidate my sense that there's a real threat, but it changes the threat into something knowable and i can allow myself to be calm.

don't get me wrong, i'm not in the habit of infantalizing people. "baby" is just one ingredient out of many in the reconceptualization i'm using as an antidote to my anxiety. it's a variation on the old cliche, "imagine everyone in their underwear." just another reminder that underneath our serious, intimidating exteriors, humans in general are silly.

and i don't usually bother going that deep into a metaphor, in my daily life. i don't need to. all i need to do is remember to invoke the new concept instead of the old one.

with that one shortcut, i remember everything:

people are just little creatures

people are cool and amazing

people were babies once

people are just doing their best

people are silly

people are sweet

people are knowable

people are okay

i'm a person and i'm okay

we're okay

...and boom, i'm out of the matrix. phew. alright. i can handle this. i can take down the unnecessary defenses. we will not be needing the rocket launchers today. and suddenly even the darn the golden rule works, because what people (new concept) want isn't so complicated after all, and i'm no exception. i just want to be treated as a person (affectionate), not a person (derogatory).

so, daily reminder: people (old concept) are actually just people (new concept). people are people.

[catsnraincoats-archive]

What are your favourite head cannons for each of the sides?

!!!

Deceit:

-As my blog title suggests, Non-Binary!! Deceit!!

-They wear a cloak and you can not change this

-I imagine they don't really like coffee? More of a black tea with milk kinda person.

-You know that thing cats do where they specifically find the One(1) patch of sunlight and then basks in it? That's Deceit.

-They like painting!! Oil paints, probably. And they're damn good at it, too.

-They'll also kinda lurk in the shadows by accident and scare people by just. Being there

-They like!! Fashion!! And dressing up pretty!! And all that fun stuff!!

-Long hair. I rest my case.

-Their room is designed after gothic architecture.

Virgil:

-Loves, loves, LOVES thunderstorms.

-Disabled Virgil who needs a cane please anyone draw or write this I beg of you

-Also black Virgil!! 10/10. we stan. amazing.

-Heterochromia.

-Also long hair but shorter than Deceits

-He likes to climb things!! Trees and fences and all the like.

-I feel like he'd actually be pretty into Loud™ music like metal.

-Kinda into glassblowing? I guess?? Also pottery.

Roman:

-AUTISTIC!ROMAN PLEASE ANYONE DOES ANYONE HAVE CONTENT FOR THIS

-He has crooked teeth. I dont?? Know?? Why?? But he does.

-I usually have his family or him from Argentina but just any spanish-speaking country works tbh.

-When using makeup, he uses exclusively products with some glitter.

-Whenever Roman is sick or injured he will be the most DRAMATIC person you meet

-"I am in AGONY! In utter pain! My days are limited..."

"You got a cut on your thumb, princey."

"I'm going to DIE!"

-Genderfluid Roman!!

-His room has a Wall up to the top filled with roses. Also, it has a skylight.

-Roman controls half the imagination and its almost always in a sort of dawn state.

Remus:

-I'm looking now and I don't actually have a lot of Remus HCs

-A l s o autistic!Remus

-He can!! Throw knives!!

-Oh! For a gorey and suggestive as he is, I always imagine Remus can and sometimes does write some really soft and sweet stories that he never lets ANYONE see.

-Also VERY good at sculpting, although the sculptures are... Well, they're creative.

-Argentinian, like Roman.

-s u p e r impulsive and always gets hurt because of it.

-He knows!! A lot about mushrooms!!

Patton:

-Gosh I dont really have... Any for him?

-He likes bees!! A lot!!

-His favorite breed of dog is a husky!!

-A really bad gardener but he tries

-Star-shaped freckles!!