#sometimes i worry about my gender and i'm like oh no what if i'm faking it but

[chocobox]

listening to kashka from baghdad by kate bush but through the lens of being a trans gay man. do you understand what i am saying. it reminds me of when i was too little to understand that i could be a gay man myself, so i just latched really hard onto gay ships because it was the first time i had ever discovered feelings of romantic fulfillment. i never felt love like it was love until i started to see those feelings through the context of being a gay man. i felt like an outsider looking in on the life that could make me happy, but i didn't realize that's what it was... and kashka from baghdad feels like that experience to me.

[toc-the-elder]

I've spent a lot of time being a bit confused by posts by trans people talking about being worried they're faking it and not really trans.

And yeah. I get you now.

I was doing some casual research to find out when the earliest date I could apply for a Gender Recognition Certificate is (depending on what level of evidence they ask for), and for some reason, I had the thought of "Oh god, you mean I can't change it back?"

I don't know where this thought came from. When I interrogate my own thought process, and ask at what point I would like to detransition, I don't have an answer for myself. There is no point where I think existing as I was would ever make me happier than living as the woman I can be. I suppose the finality of the certificate is what scares me a little, but isn't that the point? Isn't the whole point to try and close up all the legal loopholes someone might use to treat me as anything but female? And why should the finality of the thing scare me? My whole transition has been a series of finalities. I have already endured and bloomed under final, permanent changes to my body. I have already declared myself to the world. I know in my heart of hearts that I desperately want and need my surgery. It's been perhaps my deepest personal desire my entire life. I have been fucking diagnosed with the trans disease.

I shouldn't be shocked at the finality of any of this. And the fact that I am gave me a bit of a wobble. Like what if I'm not really trans? What if all these years have been just some silly mistake or not really me or self-delusion or just talking myself into something and what if I go through with all of this just to regret it?

Well, the alternative is going back to how I was, and I know I already regret that. I know I'm wrong when I suggest to myself that I'm not really trans. Because as much as I hate the way the NHS medicalises transness, they are treating me for gender dysphoria, and I grow more comfortable with what I see in the mirror every day. They boil transness down to gender dysphoria, and I certainly experience that, and embracing my womanhood makes me experience it a lot less. I know that non-trans people probably don't regularly and invariably picture having their intimate experiences with a different genre of genitalia.

Sometimes I have a moment of doubt, but by every metric I can think of, I am trans, and thus a woman.

[mrs-murder-daddy]

hello! I'm very much enjoying your Little Women-inspired Band of Brothers fic so far. two of my favorite stories combined, and I love the way you've done it so far with introducing the four sisters. also, childhood friends to lovers is one of my favorite tropes and I'm really looking forward to seeing more of Vivian/Donnie 🥰💕

if you're still looking for requests, I do adore Don Malarkey, George Luz, and Joe Toye (your choice) - maybe something to do with fake dating for New Year's 🥳 (or another holiday of your preference), or something angsty with a happy ending, if that's more up your alley? thank you!

Hello hello sorry for disappearing for a while there! My mental health took a dive and then uni took over my life and my mental health crumbled like a paper bridge.

Some things: The longer fic will be here shortly I promise! I'm sorry this is so short, I'm just trying to get back in the swing of things now that I have a month-long break from uni. I tried to make this gender-neutral please let me know if I’ve missed something! I’ve also given Reader a sister for plot reasons but she is referred to by a nickname.

And thank you for your kind words about Little Women (chapter 3 coming ASAP)

Just a Boy Standing in Front of a Girl

George Luz x Reader

Obviously you hoped this day was coming. The war is over. You're going home. What you weren't expecting was having to leave George. You lived on complete opposite sides of the United States, and you weren't *together* per se. You were just friends. And friends say goodbye before leaving.

"Ey! There's my favourite medic!" He bounded up to you like a giddy child, searching your face to gauge if you heard the news.

You wrapped your arms around his neck as he wrapped his around your waist.

"We're going home Georgie!"

He smiled brightly, "We're going home! What's the first thing you're gonna do?"

You pulled back, "Oh, I don't know actually. Maybe go see my sister."

"Not your ma?"

"My mother has been begging me to come home and marry some socialite for months now. Giggles is the only one in my family who's actually written to see if I'm okay."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Should I be expecting a wedding invitation?" His tone was joking, but you could see on his face the prospect worried him.

"Nope." You smiled softly. "Not for a long time."

"What are you going to tell her?"

"I don't know yet." You sighed through your nose. "But come on Georgie quit being a cold fish! Let's celebrate!"

He laughed as you took his hand and led him to your friends. Now was the time for fun.

George gave you his address and made you promise to write as much as you could. Sometimes the letters were short and sharp, updating each other on your lives. Sometimes they were long and heartfelt.

This latest letter he could have sworn there were tear stains on the paper.

Your mother had gotten suspicious of all your activity. She pressured you to find out just what was going on. You had to lie. She would never have approved of you corresponding with someone at this frequency if you weren't dating.

You panicked. You told her half-truths. You met George years ago at training, fell in love but kept it professional until you got home, and now you were separated by distance.

She gave a doubtful hum and offered to invite him to Giggles' birthday. A girl only turns 21 once after all.

You cried as you wrote to George, asking for forgiveness for throwing him under the bus. He simply replied that there was no need. He was excited to meet Giggles and see what all the fuss was about in your hometown.

You huffed a sad little laugh when he signed off 'the best lover on the East Coast.'

This was going to be... interesting.

It's hard to see him again, not only for the memories you would always associate with him, but also because he seemed happier. Some annoying part of your brain tells you he's happier without you. The grin on his face and the strong arms wrapped around you say otherwise.

Lord you have missed George. But he's missed you more.

You have this glow about you, and he knows that despite the pressures from your mother, you are happy. And when he meets Giggles he understands. She is sunshine in a pinafore. He feels his own mood lift, thankful that you have such a light in your life.

Dinner is a difficult affair, George seems to lay the PDA on thick. Your mother stares him down like a spider. Giggles teases you both to no end. You're halfway through a bottle of your favourite drink just to keep yourself occupied.

Giggles cracks open her first bottle of champagne and drags you into the kitchen to 'help her pour.'

She rounds on you, holding your wrists so she can lean in. "What was that?!"

You're taken aback, "What do you mean?"

"For two people who aren't actually dating, you sure look like you are."

You gasp and pull her as far away from the dining room as you can. "Giggles! What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on! I can see from a mile away you two would make each other so happy!"

"That's not the point! How do you know we're not really together?"

Your sister smiles sheepishly, "I may have looked through your letters- But! But! Hear me out. You two are meant for each other."

She actually pours some champagne, leaving you to your thoughts.

It's only later when George goes outside for a smoke that you can finally talk to him. Your mother had a little too much giggle juice and was sound asleep in her room. Your sister made herself scarce with a wink.

You steal the cigarette from his lips, take a drag and put it back. A habit from deep in the Ardennes forest.

He huffs a laugh and takes his own drag.

"I... I have something to tell you. And I need to get it all out first or I never will."

He nods a little apprehensively.

"I don't want this to be fake. I think I actually love you, not in the way I love Joe or Babe or any of those guys. I'm for real, long-haul, scary in love with you."

He begins to laugh.

Your heart is about to fall out of your ass.

Why is he laughing?

He stops, his face dropping when he sees your expression.

"Sweetheart, when you wrote to me, asking me to come here I went out and bought a ring." When your eyes widen, he reassures you. "I'm not proposing yet, I just need you to know I'm serious."

You smile brightly. He does too.

You look at his lips. He does too.

You lean forward. He does too.

And when your lips finally collide, a loud cheering erupts behind the the glass of the back door.

[talistheintrovert]

OKAY. let's clarify some stuff for people who are confused:

the entire episode is not a dream sequence. aside from that just being lazy, it's also not what the editing is communicating. this show is very good at editing in a dreamlike, slightly disjointed way; it's part of what contributes to it feeling so intimate and personal, and nothing about that editing really changed in episode 6 except for when it got dramatic RIGHT at the end, but i'm gonna address that particular tone change under the cut for those who want spoilers

the show intercuts flashbacks throughout, even dispersing flashbacks of what appears to be the same scene (therapy) through multiple episodes, and intercutting current dialogue with flashbacks (jaewon's brother flashbacks with his father's voice). the last five minutes MIGHT be a flash forward, which means that a lot of the coupley stuff left from the trailer could be coming up in episode 7 either as a lead-up to the inevitable or afterwards in flashback form, but again, i'm leaving my personal thoughts on that for under the cut

ALSO, he definitely says "boyfriend". he says "남자 친구" which literally translates to "namja - man, chingu - friend" and used together like that is the colloquially understood term for "boyfriend" in korean; it is sometimes shorted to "남친" (namchin) but BLs haven't reached that point yet. REGARDLESS, even though that technically translates to "male friend" SO DOES FUCKING BOYFRIEND. the only other word is "애인" (aein) which you may have heard, but it's gender neutral.

the context of that interaction is important. he says friend, the attendant clearly notices the implication and says "oh a girlfriend?" and he responds with "no, a boyfriend" and then the cashier gives him romantic fireworks. it was not an accident or a mistranslation. just because jaewon is closed off and masks does not mean he's like that about everything all of the time. like he says to jihyun, its easier to talk to him because he doesn't know his baggage. and as somebody who is very similar to jaewon I find it so easy to say things to strangers that I struggle to articulate to my friends. I come out to people as soon as I meet them but coming out to my friends was hard. it just be like that sometimes.

the last thing is a spoiler of what's actually happening in that last scene in relation to the movie version of this show that came out, so if you don't want to see those, simply do not look under the cut:

jihyun is not dead, nor is he a figment of jaewon's imagination. it is not a dream sequence or a fakeout - jihyun does almost drown and it does utterly fuck jaewon up.

that is literally the only spoiler i know from the movie because i saw it by accident and then noped out of the comments section of MDL and banned myself from going in there because i hate being spoiled, but it's actively starting to worry me just how many people are convincing themselves that it's all a dream or a fakeout who are going to be really distressed next week when it turns out not to be.

i'm all for collective fandom delusion (i was in The 100 fandom for years) but this seems like the kind of thing that, as somebody who is also a mentally ill queer person who gets WAY too attached to media, could be really damaging to everybody the longer this week goes on without answers and the collective fandom delusion spirals out of control.

(and hey, maybe this spoiler is a lie, or maybe the show is being edited differently to the film, but i still think it's HIGHLY unlikely all of that was just to trick us for no reason. that doesn't really align with the story they're telling)

take a breath like jihyun can't and remember there are FOUR WHOLE EPISODES LEFT. maybe the show will end tragically or bittersweet but i don't believe they'll do that in a way that is designed to actively hurt us. this is a show made by queer people, for queer people, and they foreshadowed from the start that this was going to happen. it's not a dropped plot point or a fakeout or an accident of editing - everything is VERY intentional.

[piggywife]

as a straight trans guy i want to subtly force you to feminize and detransition for me, under the guise of being another gay t4t trans guy. maybe we start dating after hitting it off at an ftm support group <3 i want to only compliment your feminine features and not compliment you when you try to exhibit 'masculinity' until you try to be as feminine as possible just to get attention from me. i start buying you pink, girly skirts and dresses and tops as a reward for being more feminine for me. when you hesitate i'll encourage you. oh don't worry sweetheart many boys are gender non conforming don't be silly!! you'll look like such a pretty boy. until the only clothes you have are the cute little outfits i buy you because you only ever want to be girly and feminine after my encouragement!!! subtly i slip in 'good girl' sometimes when we have sex and you don't even flinch because of course it's obviously because you're such a cute gnc feminine boy!! yeah no don't be silly. one day i finally decide i want to officially make you a mommy, with my squirting strap that, little do you know, holds real sperm. i moan that you're gonna be such a good mommy for me, deadname, and all you can do is moan louder. such a good girl. i buy you so many pretty aprons with pink hearts on them along with breastforms that you'll be wearing for the foreseeable future for your new fulltime job: being my stay at home housewife <3 maybe i'll bring you back to the support group and introduce you to everyone. 'hi everyone this is my new girlfriend [deadname]!!' nobody recognizes the girly whore in front of them with your huge belly, fake tits and full face of makeup, even if you wanted to try and fight it. and everyone's so happy about our pregnancy!!! hmm wonder what happened to that one trans guy who used to come here?

I've never dated a trans guy before, but it felt exhilarating to be with someone with the same struggles. I didn't question it at all when you'd compliment my feminine features - I have a lot of them, and naturally turn to femininity to make myself appealing to a partner. My few attempts at acting masculine are laughable at best, and I quickly cut it out to get more approval from you.

Before I even realize it, I own so much makeup and feminine clothing. I throw out my old boy clothes and keep all the gifts you've given me. I want to be a good "boyfriend" to you and cherish every gift! It's so fun being gender non conforming and playing dress up for you, and your praise keeps me motivated to be a pretty boy.

I completely overlook any time you call me "good girl", especially in the heat of the moment when we're having sex. Mistakes happen! And I can't even admit it, but it felt kind of nice. This continues until you're misgendering me constantly whenever you pound me with your strap. I've become conditioned to love it, it's all just dirty talk. I clench down hard on your strap when you promise to make me a mommy, clueless that you really mean it this time. All while you fuck the sperm deeper and deeper into my pussy.

I adjust surprisingly well to my new life as a housewife. I always liked taking care of the household chores and cooking, and you cared for my needs in turn. One night I'm making dinner and you come and kiss me. Your hand strokes the curve on my apron made by my pregnant stomach with our baby inside.

I'm all nerves when we go back to the support group. I feel shy and a little embarrassed - what if the others recognize me? What a foolish thought to have. You immediately introduce me by my real name and I lean into you at ease. Since we met, I've completely transformed into a gorgeous, feminine housewife, and we're expecting too! Nobody would consider for even a moment that your busty, pregnant partner ever stepped foot in a ftm support group before <3

[married-to-google-translater]

I posted 1,929 times in 2022

That's 219 more posts than 2021!

1,739 posts created (90%)

190 posts reblogged (10%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@married-to-google-translater

@crazyyanderefangirlfan

@otomeanimemanga-fandom-writer

@twst-discourse-bot

@lemonandlime22

I tagged 1,477 of my posts in 2022

Only 23% of my posts had no tags

#yandere imagine - 450 posts

#yandere imagines - 434 posts

#yandere headcanon - 413 posts

#admin werty - 397 posts

#yandere headcanons - 395 posts

#twisted wonderland - 390 posts

#twst - 371 posts

#twisted wonderland x reader - 327 posts

#twst x reader - 327 posts

#twisted wonderland imagines - 235 posts

Longest Tag: 42 characters

#fantastic beasts the secrets of dumbledore

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Riddle Explain to Mc his dorm rules: And rule 34 is-

Mc: *start laugh*

Riddle: Mc what fun is in Rule 34?

Mc: Oh Riddle you could never understand that without context. And I'm not going to give you context. The work of a health education teacher does not belong to me.

Riddle: Mc rule 45 forbids keeping ä secret from me. I demand you reveal the secrets of rule 34.

Mc: *hysterical laughter on the floor* I'm going to take that sentence out of context

3,039 notes - Posted July 19, 2022

#4

Mc: *Sits on the grass and pat's Malleus' head*

Malleus: *Lie on Mc's lap and purr*

Leona: MC! What are you doing? Why are you petting that lizard when you haven't petted me in weeks?

Mc: But Leona that Lizard purrrrrrrr's. You don't purr.

Leona: Mc don't be stupid lizards don't purr.

Malleus: *smiley and purr louder*

Leona: What the-

Malleus: Ever heard of magic? It's really useful sometimes. *Purr harder*

Mc: So you don't purr naturally... I feel like I have been tricked.

Leona: Wait so you think that purring dragon was normall?

Mc: Yeah. That's the first dragon I've ever met.

3,223 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

#3

*At the dorm leaders' meeting*

Vil: So Mc what were you thinking of doing this weekend?

Mc: Smash

*everyone stares at Mc*

Leona: *instant waking up*

Azul: *blushes* Oh with who

Mc: With my friend.

Riddle: *is Red* You what-

Mc: Smash with friends

Vil: *almost choking on tea*

Azul: *almost choke's too*

Malleus: *whisper to Kalim* Kalim what is smash?

Kalim: I have no idea...

Leona: *laugh really hard*

Mc: What... Why are you acting strange? I just said that- Ooh. Pervert's. I meant I'm going to play Smash bros with a friend.

At this point, all the dorm leader's are relieved. Even Malleus and Kalim who don't realize what's going on.

If you're wondering where Idia is, he left as soon as the meeting officially ended

3,376 notes - Posted September 30, 2022

#2

A Twst request where female reader gets hugged by them and they can feel their chest without knowing they were a girl, with the dorm leaders + Rook, Floyd,Jade.

Rest of them are here...

Malleus is worried. Are you all right? Mc, you know that this is not normal. The dragon boy is innocent. Then it hits him. Mc is a female? Oooooh. Malleus is a little hurt when you didn't tell me earlier. His tail wags excitedly. This would be a good fake excuse to get him to marry you. Dragons are greedy and don't like sharing.

Leona just wanted a goodnight hug. Well, now because of that goodnight hug, he can't sleep. Leona thinks about two things 1) How did he not notice your gender? 2) Do you think he's an asshole? Leona would try his best to show respect to you. But at least he knows what others don't. This is going to be fun.

Riddle would be really red. He never would have expected this. Riddle is now even more sorry for attacking you during the overblot incident. He would try to stay matter-of-fact. But it's hard if you can't form sensible sentences. Definitely won't tell anyone.

Azul would have had a crush on you even before this information. It must be hard to be the only girl on campus? What if he helped you? Azul will be happy to make a contract with you. You just have to start dating him. Isn't it easy? Azul just tries to hide his shock.

Kalim wouldn't really get it. He is such an innocent boy. He doesn't even suspect that you could be a woman. Instead, he's scared. You must have a serious illness. He tells you to stay put so he can get Jalim. Jalim surely knows what's wrong. You need to explain the situation to him. Now Kalim is a bit red.

Vil would be shocked. How did he not recognize you female? Are you so unfeminine and take such poor care of your appearance? This won't work. No way. Guess who gets Vil's beauty care lectures for the rest of the day? That's right you will. Vil is surprisingly strong.

Idia.exe will never work again. He would already be shocked by the hug. But then he felt your breasts. Mc didn't you have an accident in alchemy class that changed your gender? Say it's the truth. Idia is shocked when you say it isn't. He needs time to recover.

3,582 notes - Posted August 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Mc: *pat Leona* Why you don't purr?

Leona: Mc lions don't purr... That's what cats do. Now be more quiet. I try to sleep

Mc: *looks disapointed* Oh...

Ruggie: *Walks nearby and notices that Mc looks sad* Oh hey mc what's wrong?

Mc: * points at Leona while stroking his head * That big cat doesn't know how to purr

Ruggie: Oh yeah lions don't purr... But hyenas do... Maybe you want to test it?

Leona: *instand waking up*

Leona wasan't happy

3,660 notes - Posted November 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Trigun! Genshin Impact! Mystic Messenger! And Blue Exorsist! Matchups?! Its me again! Its been a while! But dont worry about finding my old post I made a slightly updated one for you!

My Appearance: Im AFAB,  Im around 5’4-5’5 with light skin and short curly very dark brown hair. I have blue eyes that are downturned and hooded and I wear glasses. Im thin with an hourglass figure but flat. I also have keratosis thats moderate on my arms and cheeks but really bad on my legs, chest and lower back. Oh and really veiny hands that are kind of bigger than I’d like them to be. I have a kind of pointy tongue and its longer than average! 

Personality: I'm kind of a people pleaser and I can't stand to hear people fighting as I associate yelling with physical harm and I get really quiet and I try to make myself smaller when I'm being yelled at or around people yelling. I usually have a hard time focusing when people talk to me and I show a lot of signs of adhd. I don't usually talk a lot, unless I'm around someone I trust and I have horrible anxiety when talking to new people. I do really like spending time with people though and I have a soft spot for protective and soft people. I crave physical contact, but I'm very hesitant to actually touch anyone and I get really twitchy when someone stands next to me. I have an anxiety tick where my shoulders will jolt forward if someone I don't know or trust is standing near me. I'm also very attentive and if someone asks for my help I will be by there side as fast as I can. It takes a lot to get me to talk, unless you trigger one of my interests in which case it seems like I won't shut up. I'm a bit of a workaholic as in if I don't have anything to do I will kind of just rearrange my house so I have something to do. I rarely cry when im sad but I cry so much when im mad. 

Interests: I love learning about new cultures, more accurately food! I love baking and cooking and eating! I like learning new languages as well! 

Facts: Im an INFP. My sexuality is unlabeled but I do consider myself on the Aspec and I’ve felt more attraction to men but above gender im mostly attracted to peoples emotional connections and their personalities! I have Food Texture Aversion with mushy foods like yogurt and applesauce. I really don't like yelling or loud noises, unless its music, and bright lights tend to freak me out too, as well as to much physical sensations. Curtain sounds such as towels and paper make me freak out too. I love books and reading! Im an Empath. 

A main thing: My hands/fingers shake and twitch almost constantly. I cannot hold them steady because they very visibly shake so much sometimes people think im faking but I genuinely cannot hold them still.

~💞🍋

Hi Lemons! Long time no see! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took so long. I hope you like your matchups!

In Trigun Stampede, I match you with...

You and Vash are very similar in the sense that you both enjoy being around people and dislike conflict.

Very perceptive so usually he’ll be able to tell when someone’s starting to get too close to you. If he sees your tick starting to act up, he’ll move you closer to himself before moving away from the stranger together.

Please ask him questions about any cultures and languages you want. He’s got tons of knowledge about those sorts of things, both from books and from first hand experience, and he enjoys being able to share those things with people who are interested in it.

Vash loves anything you bake or cook for him. He’d also love to cook with you if you don’t mind having someone else in the kitchen with you.

I think Vash would also enjoy reading with you. He would especially like it if you would read to him but won't force you. He’d also be happy to read to you or read quietly, depending on what you’d prefer.

In Genshin Imapct, I match you with...

Much like Vash, Kazuha is very similar to you in that he likes interacting with people. He especially likes it when he’s able to interact with people when he’s with you.

He also enjoys learning about cultures, foods from different regions, and languages. He finds them fascinating and is very glad you find them interesting as well.

Kazuha’s not a loud or combative person so there’s no need to worry about him raising his voice around you. The last thing he wants is for you to be uncomfortable.

Doesn’t mind that you’re not super talkative. He enjoys the peace and quiet and knows that if anything needs to be said, it can be without getting lost in too much mindless chatter.

Loves reading with you. He would appreciate it if you read something he’s written and give him feedback. Expect him to write about you a lot: you’re his muse and inspiration.

In Mystic Messenger, I match you with...

V definitely falls into the category of soft but protective. You’ll always feel safe with V around and, regardless of whether you think you’re protective or not, V feels safe around you as well.

Knows what it’s like to a workaholic but will do his best to make sure you take regular breaks and never overwork yourself too badly.

Loves any food you make. Due to his poor eyesight, V can’t really cook too much so he’s grateful for anything you make for him.

Will take photos of you if you’re comfortable with that. He loves being able to capture you in moments that will remind him, not only of how you are physically but capture your personality as well.

Will usually keep a hand on your shoulder when in public so he can feel if your tick is acting up. He also likes the reassurance of knowing that you’re together.

In Blue Exorcist, I match you with...

Yukio is a bit different from the others on this list since he’s a lot more closed off with his emotions. However, when he can’t contain it anymore, he can be very expressive.

Out of everyone, Yukio is the most likely to yell at or around you. He gets worked up and bottles up his anger for too long and when he finally unleashes it, anyone can be a target.

He will always be completely apologetic once he calms down though. The last thing he wants to do is make you uncomfortable and he’ll do whatever it takes to gain your trust again.

Enjoys spending time with you in libraries and bookshops. He’s usually studying or reading up on demons so he likes being able to spend time with you while doing one of his favourite things.

You’re both workaholics so you’ll need to help keep each other in line. Take regular breaks together and keep each other honest with the amount of work you’re doing.

[yourlocalmikankinnie]

Heyhey!! I'm not sure if this is too specific, but if it is I'm super sorry!! Maybe an Angie Yonaga, Kokichi Ouma and K1-B0 (all seperate) x gender netural SHSL Skateboarder reader that likes the thrill of danger? Like for example, doing very dangerous tricks in VERY dangerous areas just because they find it fun. Thanks!! <33

Omg a request!? For me?? Of course! Now I've never skated before that wasn't roller skating and even then I fell on my ass so many times these teenagers wanted to record me or something 💀 they asked for my name and I like like 7-8 👁️👁️. Anyways I hope this is what you wanted!

Characters: Angie, Kokichi, K1B0

Ultimate Skateboarder Reader

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Angie:

She liked how you were into the thrill! She had no concerns at all if I'm being honest. She saw you were happy and didn't care about concerning stuff. Now that being said. There have been sometimes where she wouldn't let you skate if it meant her art work could be skated over, you would have to wait until she was done if it was done on the floor. But either way shes happy that your happy and she loves skating with you. She even painted you a custom board!

"Nyahaha! This is so fun! We must do this way more often! Maybe we can get ice cream?" "Sure we can get ice cream, right after I jump over that short purple haired kid" "that's Kokichi 💀" "oh damn- not changing my mind though"

Kokichi:

Little shit will trip you. But he also loves skating with you. But if he falls expect loud fake crying. He's a bit more cautious about where you skate but most of the time he just has fun with you! You guys even have weekly dice skating hangouts! The organization really likes being included so they adore spending time with you and Kokichi! Anyways he ends up falling on his ass and gets embarrassed so he demands y'all go home 💀

"we are going home! No arguments!!!!" "Is it because you fell on your ass after telling us you were a pro at skating?" "NO!" "Okay, come on guys! Little baby man is embarrassed!" "STOOOOOPP 😭" "No <3"

K1B0:

He's the most cautious mf. He makes sure you have the equipment he saw when he looked up what skating was. He doesn't let you skate where he finds dangerous but little does he know that when your with miu she lets you do anything you want and cheers you on. He will probably try skating with you but fall on his ass. He's either a pro or a complete noob. No in-between.

"Please wear the proper gear! I don't want you getting hurt!!" "I won't get hurt but if it scares you so much I'll put the gear on" "thank you! And I am NOT scared. I'm just worried!" "Suuure Kii-boy" "Is that robophobic?" "No. 🙂"

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Hope you like this! Sorry if I didn't do it right

Take an Angie as a apology if this isn't the best! 😊

[hnychn]

𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐓 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄 [𝐈𝐈𝐈]

sypnosis : life with your five lovers has been more than fulfilling, but when you're paired with a student from general studies for a project, your quintet seems a little less full

word count : 4000+

warnings : mutual pining, gender neutral reader, relationship insecurities, bakugo tries but. . .it doesn't go as well as he planned, grammar errors and spelling errors, it's . . . a long one, a bit rushed at the end so uhh pls don't mind that :)

parts : [ 𝐈 ] [ 𝐈𝐈 ] [ 𝐈𝐈𝐈 ]

a/n : so sorry for the long wait LMAO- i know i said my bokuto fic would be coming out today but uhhh ahaha my depression hit me full force this weekend and i didn't even look at the dock because i was too busy sleeping, but uhh enjoy this :D

↩︎ back to student masterlist | main mha masterlist

- WELCOME TO PART THREE sorry for the log wait 😭 life has been kicking my ass but we're not here to hear me complain, we're here for the tea

- so, it's a couple months after you joined the bakusquad and their relationship. and let me tell you, it has been nothing but amazing. 😩 your days are never quiet and they're always filled with some sort of excitement and love.

- you kaminari and mina often get into trouble for leaving the dorms late at night because you want snacks and there's nothing in the kitchens. you become kirishima's pillow, don't matter about your size or whatever, you are his pillow and you better not argue 🔫 sero always puts on some type of bachata or reggaeton or some spanish song and dances with you in his dorms. and bakugo is your go to person to cook with and just generally annoy or prank since it's so easy to get a reaction out of him.

- and you couldn't have asked for a better relationship. you all are so communicative and talk about your feelings often and how you're doing. every saturday or sunday, you all go to a dorm (usually it's bakugo's cause it's the cleanest) and have a huge cuddle pile and talk about your mental states, how you're doing, what you have problems with, etc etc.

- like damn ok i see you with the mentally and emotionally stable relationship 🤪🤪

- it's so refreshing too because sometimes you'll have a tough week and you jsut need to let it all out, and you can in the comfort of bakugo's dorm and you know none of them will judge you because they're all so open about their love for you (and vise versa)

- anyways, yeah y'all got the best relationship

- you never thought about anyone else in a romantic sense because the squad took up nearly all of the space in your heart. but when you teacher announced one day the general studies kids would be coming in to have a joint project to create gadgets for the hero course students, you had no idea your life would suddenly be turned upsidedown.

- you were paired with a guy named shinsou. he looked friendly enough and returned the wave you sent him with a little surprise as he made his way to the open seat next to you. he seemed surprised when you started a small conversation but he talked to you in a quiet soothing voice. he seemed nice enough and you figured the project would be a breeze since he seemed so nice and offered to meet up over the weekend to start up some ideas for the project.

- you agreed and the two of you met up that lunch period in the library to pre-draft some ideas and get to know each other more.

"i'm surprised you don't mind being seen with me."

his sudden comment took you by surprise as you looked up from your paper with messily drawn gadgets and chicken scratch writing to look up at him, "what do you mean?"

it was true you had never seen him before or even heard of him, but his hesitance to talk to you and open up to you made you feel as though you should.

shinsou rubbed the back of his neck and looked away shyly, "so you really haven't heard anything about me, have you?"

he looked almost guilty to bring it up, his gaze falling to the table in front of him as be played with a strand of his hair.

you shook your head. you never really payed attention to gossip around school, your head always too high up in the clouds to care about rumors and gossip (bakugo often scolded you for being such an airhead and ignorant to your surroundings, but you knew he was just worried about something happening to you). plus, to you, gossip was nearly never right and more often made up and fictitious.

shinsou refused to look up at you, "well. . .i'm known throughout the school as a. . ." he looked hesitant to continue but before you could reassure him he didn't have to talk about it if he didn't want to, he continued, "well, a villain."

he prised his lips as if the words left a bitter taste in his mouth, and all you could do was tilt your head. shinsou didn't seem like a bad person - or a 'villain' as he had said. on the way to the library he held open doors for you and helped you carry some of your books to your locker and even bought you a drink you wanted buy but were a bit short of change on.

"do you think you are?"

"what?" shinsou looked at you for the first time since he brought up the topic.

"do you think you're a villain?" he shuffled slightly in his seat and looked away again from your intense stare. he felt like you were looking straight into his soul from how strongly you were looking into his eyes, he wasn't sure if you had even blinked in the last minute.

shinsou thought back to all the times he's been called a villain or a criminal. it was always unwarranted, a passing comment that seemed like no big deal to others but shattered his heart into smaller and smaller pieces. but never once had he ever thought he was a villain - a monster.

if anything, he used those comments as encouragement to become a hero, to be better than those who always thought he would turn to a life of crime. so, "no... i don't think i'm a villain."

"well, that's that."

shinsou could only stare at you, your smile brighter than any star he'd ever seen, so full of hope and encouragement shinsou felt like he could take on the world. he looked away and rubbed the back of his neck, a shy smile pulling at his lips and a weird feeling blossoming in his chest. how curious. . .

- so yeah, a new friendship 🤪 the two of you started to spend a lot of free time together for the project. you would often meet up during lunches or free time between classes to work some more on the project, all the while getting to know each other in depth. you learned many things about shinsou and spilled many of your own secrets, you laughed together over old childhood stories, and played animal crossing on the rooftop during lunch, your project discarded and forgotten beside you.

- your sudden absence didn't go unnoticed by your lovers, and they grew curious to your whereabouts when you would blow them off for the fifth time that week to "work on your project". now, don't get me wrong, they had conplete trust in you and knew you would never cheat, but they were just curious as to what - or who - was taking up so much of your time.

- so, they did the smartest thing, and followed you. after blowing them off for the sixth time, they decided to follow you to your destination. mina and kaminari tried to be inconspicuous and wear disguises, but the fake mustache, black glasses (indoors, might i add) and hat weren't all too discreet as they thought.

- they followed you through every turn and weave you took and hid behind a corner when you stopped at a vending machine to get your favourite drink. but what surprised them the most was you also bought a coffee. bakugo was most surprised you even thought about even touching the can of caffine because he remembered you telling him you would get terrible caffine rushes that would make you dizzy if you drank coffee.

- but, as you finally reached the rooftop and made your way to a hunched over figure in the corner, it all made sense.

- they all saw how effortlessly you and shinsou acted around each other. they could see the soft looks he would send you when you weren't looking and the way his hand would hover over yours for a split second too long before snapping away as if you were made of lava. but surprisingly, they didn't feel any sort of jealousy or anger, it felt like a piece of them had returned they didn't even know was missing. the sort of feeling that walks through the door unexpectedly but it's wholesomely welcomed.

- the "oh, there you are, welcome back" type of feeling. they were happy you had found someone that made you feel comfortable, arguably more comfortable than you had been with them so far because truthfully, while you had felt welcomed and appreciated in the relationship, it still felt like you were an outsider. the five of them had inside jokes before you came and didn't get them when they came up, the five of them had habits special to each other that inadvertently excluded you. and while they never meant to hurt you (god knows that's the last thing they ever wanted to do), they had. but you knew that wasn't their intention so you held no malitious feelings towards them (not that you think you'd ever could).

- but the way you and shinsou so effortlessly opened up to each other, shared intimate details and secrets with each other - it warmed their hearts. so, bakugo grabbed them all by the back of their shirts and dragged them away, mumbling about giving the two of you space. there was a fond look in his eyes as he looked at the two of you he would be teased about later but would deny.

- it was undeniable bakugo held the softest spot for you. he tried as best as he could to include you in their inside jokes and habits but he was. . well . . . bakugo 🧍🏽‍♀️

- words aren't necessarily his strong suit and he could only hope his smaller actions let you know you were as loved and cherished as any of them there. and you knew, you caught on a little after bakugo had a little "secret talk" with the group (that wasn't really secret at all, he grabbed them all by their shirts and dragged them to a secluded spot while you distracted on your phone) and they all started to explain their jokes and include you in their habits.

- anyways, back to you and shinsou. 🤪 he was aware you were in a ployamorous relationship with the bakusquad and he's heard the way you talk about them and the soft airy tone of your voice and the starry look in your eyes; and he didn't want to get in between that. the last thing he ever wanted was to ruin your relationship for his own selfish reasons.

- so for the time being, he would be okay with watching you from afar, the sweetness of your love so close for him to taste; yet too far for him to savour.

- as more and more times passed, the bakusquad began to notice the lingering looks you would give shinsou when you passed him in the halls and how he would always be waiting for you outside of your class with your favourite drink before leaving you to go to lunch while he went off and . . . well, you weren't sure what he did during his free time, but he never brought it up so you never figured to ask.

- when you fell asleep the next time you all had a cuddle session in bakugo's room, they all talked about it. talked about your obvious feelings for each other and the possibility of including shinsou in their relationship. they spent hours talking about it and still talked about it even when the moon vanished over the horizon and the sun rose. and, in not very smart fashion, bakugo was tasked to confronting shinsou about their conclusion.

- which - almost as if there were an author behind all of this - didn't go as well as any of them planned.

it was perfect, really. almost as if the universe had been listening to their conversation and aligned itself perfectly for this very moment.

you woke up that morning with a terrible stomach ache and chose to stay back in your dorm after bakugo made you a bowl of soup and threatened you to take your medicine. his classes ended a little earlier than usual and, sending his lover's a nod, made his way over to your class, where, lo and behold, shinsou was standing near the door, the familiar brand of your favourite drink in one hand and his own cold coffee in the other.

bakugo wasn't sure what he was going to say when he reached shinsou. he opted to just speak from the heart over rehearsing lines with the others like they had wanted, besides, what kind of lover would be be if he couldn't even do this for you? but, what he didn't take into consideration, was his emotional constipation and tsundere attidute.

"hey, eye bags!" bakugo called out.

shinsou nearly jumped out of his skin at bakugo's sudden loud voice. he looked over with the same eyes of indifference he normally had, but bakugo could see the slight far in them. not at his brash attitude (shinsou could never be afriad of bakugo and confronting him before the sports fesitval was a perfect example of that) but the fear of ruining your relationship with the bakusquad.

shinsou nodded at bakugo when he got close enough. bakugo stood in front of him, his hands still shoved into the pockets of his pants, "they're sick."

it was a simple enough statement but shinsou blinked, "what?"

"y/n." bakugo stated and rolled his eyes as if the answer had been written on his forehead (and it basically had, shinsou was just a bit shocked at his appearance), "they're sick and mina's staying back with them in their dorm."

shinsou rubbed the back of his neck, "oh."

there was an awkward silence as the two boys stood in the vacant hallway. bakugo didn't know what to say and shinsou wasn't sure if he should leave or go visit you for their lunch break.

"i'll go drop this off to them-"

"no." bakugo practically growled, "i'll drop it off. go get eat your lunch or i'll make your face an eye bag."

shinsou flushed a bit in embarrassment. he was overstepping, of course he was. for a minute, having you all to himself for nearly a week straight made him forget about the relationship you were in and this was a smack of reality. you weren't his. you were in a relationship with others, other people who could give you nearly double what he could - everything he couldn't.

handing bakugo the drink, shinsou stalked away to the cafeteria, his cheeks still a light shade of pink. bakugo sighed and knew he most likely made things worse, and he came there originally to make things right.

but fate will work itself out. and what will be, will be.

- so... maybe sending bakugo wasn't the best idea ... 🧍🏽‍♀️

- because now, shinsou started avoiding you. when the two for you worked on your projects together, he would remain mostly silent and only input his opinion when he thought of an idea or needed help putting something together. you had no idea why and you honestly felt a little hurt that he ignored you as easily as breathing.

- you brought this up to your lovers on your weekly cuddle session, knowing they would have brought up your downpour attitude either way. what you didn't notice as your face was burried in denki's sweater were the glares they all were throwing at bakugo.

- "yeah, i wonder what happened..." sero smiled, though obviously strained, as he pet your head and told you shinsou was probably just going through something.

- and it was obvious you were hurt that shinsou had suddenly stopped talking to you because honestly it was kind of hard for you to make friends. a lot of people assumed you thought you were higher than everyone else because you were dating five students from the top hero course, but that obviously is far from the truth.

- anyways, a long time goes by and the two of you still haven't rekindled anything and the squad is getting a bit frustrated because hello??? join our cult lover circle ?????

- so the squad comes up with another solution and this time they don't send bakugo to collect shinsou

- they learned their mistake last time.

- anyways

- so sero goes and gets shinsou and tells him you need him for a little last touch of the project since it was near the due date and you wanted to make sure it was perfect. and shinsou agrees to meet up with you and follows sero.

- sero takes him into an empty classroom and it's pitch black. the windows have been covered with tape and all the lights are off. before he could ask what the hell was going on, the door slams shut and the lights suddenly turn on and shinsou's blinded for a moment.

- and he's met with a very interesting sight.

- mina, kaminari, and kirishima are standing in front of him with sunglasses and hats on, their arms are crossed and they have a blank look on their faces (though he can tell kaminari is about to burst into laughter and nearly does but kirishima jabs him in his side.)

- "uhh..."

- "shut up, eye bags." bakugo calls from behind him. he's leaning against the door with his arms crossed and an obviously pissed off look on his face.

- sero is just standing next to him with a 'sorry pal' kind of smile.

- "what is-"

- "what are your intentions with, y/n?" kaminari shouted suddenly as he slammed his hand on a nearby desk.

- "denki- no." mina pushed him back lightly, "that's not what-"

- "did you not listen last night, sparky?" bakugo rolled his eyes and scoffed lightly.

- kaminari shyly scratched his cheek, "i might have fellen asleep-"

- "he did." sero confirmed, "he drooled on me and everything.

- "I do not drool!!"

- "yes you do, it was like a waterfall, 'ki. "

- "no i don't, right kiri?"

- "well.. only a few drops.."

- "WHAT?! and none of you told me?!"

- "well, y/n kind of made us promise not to tell..."

- "SPEAKING OF Y/N," mina interjected into the conversation, her fingers rubbing at her temples as she wondered when she became the rational one, that was bakugo's job, "why don't we stick to the script, boys."

- kirishima slung an arm over her shoulder and pressed a kiss to her cheek, "sorry, princess."

- "right." sero turned to shinsou and crossed his arms, "you have feelings for them don't you?"

- shinsou tensed. his mind was still trying to comprehend the conversation that happened just a few seconds ago and processing the fact that kaminari drools in his sleep. he wasn't sure how to respond.

- of course he had feelings for you, any rational person who came into contact with you would catch feelings. it was part of your natural charm that seemed to effortlessly draw people in and never let them go. in a matter of minutes, you had simultaneously become his best friend and his closest confidant. often at night he cursed himself for catching feelings for you when things were perfect just the way they were.

- but shinsou couldn't help it. you had treated him like a normal person and weren't apprehensive about his quirk. you gave him a taste of normalcy in his world of anxieties and judgement, and he craved more and more the more time he spent with you.

- so dispte wanting to desparately scream 'yes, i do love her' at the top of his lungs, he looked down at the ground, "no. . . i . . i don't."

- "liar."

- bakugo seethed behind him.

- shoving himself off the wall he was leaning on, bakugo walked closer and closer to shinsou as he spoke, "don't lie. we all see the way you look at them, the way your stupid face lights up with a small smile when they're with you or the airy chuckle you give when they do one of those stupid dances when they make food and-"

- "OK OK I GET IT!" shinsou snapped. mina jumped slightly in kirishima's arms and shinsou sent her a small apologetic look, "you know! I'm in love with them! i've been. . ." he trailed off before collapsing into a chair behind him, his head hanging back and staring into the bright flourescent lights hanging from the ceiling.

- "i've been trying to distance myself from them, to make getting over them easier."

- "they've been hurting, y'know."

- shinsou groaned and hid his face in his hands, "i know. you think i don't see the looks they give me when i avoid them in the halls? it hurts knowing i'm the reason they're in pain."

- "so why are you doing it?"

- "because they have you guys," shinsou sighed as it if we're the most obvious thing in the world, "you all could love them a lot more than i ever could alone. plus, they're so happy with you, i couldn't be the reason to disturb that."

- "you gotta be fucking kidding me." bakugo growled and pinched the bridge of his nose.

- kaminari snorted, "i think i just got deja vu."

- "you could say that again," mina sighed, "i'm heading back to the dorms, this is giving me a headache."

- with his arm still slung over her shoulder, kirishima agreed, "yeah, not sure how we didn't see this from the beginning. i'll walk you back, princess."

- shinsou only stared blankly as mina and kirishima left the room with kaminari in tow, complaining about getting some math work done. never in his life did he feel as confused as he did now

- lost. mans was lost..

- someone get him a map and help him please

- they acted as if they hadn't been the ones to literally kidnap him

- only to nonchalantly walk out the door?????

- sero's voice snapped him back to the remaining two people in the room, "you two really are a match made in heaven." sero smiled at him and shinsou felt head rise in his cheeks, whether it be from embarassment or something else, he didn't know.

- "i'll see you two around" and then he left, leaving shinsou alone with bakugo, who had yet to realease the bridge of his nose from his pinch.

- "you're both a pair of dumbasses."

- "i'm offended-"

- "y/n said the same fucking thing when we confronted them."

- shinsou stayed silent.

- "they felt like their presence would ruin the routine we had set a long time ago when we first started our relationship. . . sound familiar?"

- shinsou rubbed the back of his neck and opened his mouth to speak, but bakugo interrupted.

- "shut up, eye bags, i'm not finished."

- "i dIdNt eVEn sAy aNyTHiNg"

- "sure there were some things we had to adjust to include them in our schedule and a whole new bundle of emotions to incorporate into our lives; but the while point of a relationship is to open up slowly and learn to trust the ones you love. and eventually, we all learned to trust them the same way they learned to trust us; but trust isn't something you can learn over night. it's gradual."

- bakugo sighed, how in the hell did he get stuck in this situation again. at the very least no one got injured this time, "what I'm trying to say is, if y/n makes you happy, then we're all willing to let you in our relationship and put our trust in you.

- "will you put your trust in us?"

- how dramatic ˙ ͜ʟ˙

- so

- :) shinsou decides, fuck it. i deserve the good things in life, and he puts his trust in the squad the same way they all put their trust in him.

- and they decided it was a good time to surprise you too and kill two birds with one stone :)

- so you walk in to bakugo's dorm after a long day of school. you were returning from turning in your project with shinsou, and while the teacher had given you many compliments and basically secured your A, you still felt a bit sad knowing it would be the last time you would see shinsou since your schedules didn't collide and you had ended on a . . . confusing note.

- so you were just looking to cuddle with your lovers on a Friday night and wallow away in your sadness.

- when you walked in the group had been piled in their natural spots on bakugo's bed. mina was giggling with kaminari as they scrolled through tiktok, bakugo was reading a book you had reccomend to him a while a go, sero and kirishima were softly play fighting as they laughed and chuckled.

- everything was as it should be

- until you got to where your spot usually was, cradled between bakugo's warm and firm chest and mina's plush thighs and stomach, and it was occupied by someone else.

- everyone stopped what they were doing, as they watched a smile pull at your lips when you recognised the disheveled pruple hair lazily sprawled in your spot. everyone watched with bated breath as they waited for your reaction and small smiles of their own shining through as they watched your interaction.

- you lifted your hand and smacked shinsou's knee that had been raised up slightly as one of his arms lay behind his head and the other fiddled with a bracelet around mina's wrist, and his lips pulled into a lazy smirk of his own as he watched you.

- "get up, fat head, you're in my spot."

- his smirk only grew.

- "do something about it, hero."

see my pinned post to join my taglist (^ム^)

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

hi, im a teenage bi girl and i kinda feel like i dont fit in the community and im scared im faking my sexuality. Before i discovered i was bi i was spending a lot of time on twitter where being queer was seen as something cool and it kinda made it look like being queer is cooler than being straight so i wanted to be queer. so when i first discovered i was bi, i didnt feel bad about it or scared, i was rather excited and the only discomfort and hestitation was the fear that i was faking it to not be a "boring cishet". Rn im living in a very accepting environment, a huge lot of people at my school are openly queer so i dont usually feel like the "odd one out" or face explicit homophobia. And dont get me wrong, i couldnt be more glad that my life has been this much easier that other queers', but i still feel uncomfortable in my sexuality sometimes and i feel like i dont belong in the community but i just feel like the way my life has been so easy makes me not deserve to take up space in the community or talk about my queer experiences. I also constantly get tormented by the intrusive thoughts about not being really queer and just faking it for attention, even though i had a few genuine girl crushes in the past and im currently in a relationship with a girl. Im sorry this was such a chaotic ask but i needed to let it out and your blog feels like a non judgemental safe space

Oh sweetie,

I am so sorry you are going through these struggles but first of all I want you to know that what you are describing is something I have read a hundred, if not thousand times over the years on this blog, and I heard the same thing from people offline. It's a classic case of internalised biphobia that unfortunately a lot of bi people go through one way or another. As a general advice I have this post with some tips and tricks that you can try to "unlearn" these thoughts. Not everything might work for you but just try it and see what helps.

I can guarantee you that nobody just "fakes" their sexuality, especially not "for attention". Think of how much internal stress this is causing you right now. If you were really straight and "just faking it" then you could just stop, right? But the fact that you are so worried that you might not really be queer is in itself a very large hint that you really are queer. A cishet person wouldn't really worry - they are usually totally fine with their sexuality and gender being straight and cis.

Also someone who is straight and "faking it" would have had to make a conscious decision to lie about their sexuality if they wanted to pretend being queer. But what you describe sounds to me like you just realised that you are bi and "decided" to label yourself that way because it is the label that matches you - not because you want to pretend to be something you are not. Nobody brainwashes themselves into being queer because it's "cool". It's much more likely that you started finding queerness "cooler" than straightness because you related to it, because you saw yourself in it, because you are queer. Actually, why were you spending time on "queer twitter" in the first place? Probably because you were drawn to it because that's where you belong.

The "not feeling queer enough" problem is very common amongst bisexuals though because of how invisible we are and how we experience biphobia both from cishet society and from within the queer community sometimes.

And all of those things aside just re-read your own statements in the end, especially "even though i had a few genuine girl crushes in the past" and "im currently in a relationship with a girl".... honey? I'm sorry, but I struggle to find a heterosexual explanation for this. You had crushes on girls and you are literally dating a girl right now. How is that "not queer enough"??? And you know, even if you weren't dating a girl, even if you hadn't even had those crushes and all you knew was that you have the potential to be attracted to multiple genders - that would also be enough to call yourself bisexual. You do not have to prove anything. So please, take a deep breath, and know that you are allowed to call yourself bi and queer. You're not faking anything, you're just discovering yourself.

Maddie

[nctworststuff]

— 𖡼 ָ࣪ ﹆ׂׂ ⦂ Us? | Bestfriend!Jeno | Fluf, Angst, heartbreak warning

•°•°•°

It's been 4 years, 4 years you friend with Jeno, the best of best friend you ever have.

He always told you that he promised he will stay beside you no matter if you were in an up or down situation. And he isn't lying about that. Sometimes you feel the "more than friends" vibe

"Don't worry, you don't need to hide anything from me. I would gladly hear about it"

If the sky turns grey, he will fade it away and colours it with his sincere heart and that's what he does towards you. You love the fact that he always waiting for you everytime

When your shift is done, he doesn't forget to wait for you in front of your work place. Although it's raining, he still waiting for you. It's rare for him to not wait for you. Hey, don't forget to have a night walk with him, where the temperature feel so cold, and the vibe at this time is very safe and classic when you are with him

"Oh, I thought, you want to walk home alone?"

"I was just kidding idiot. I never leave you alone"

When you sleep beside him, he will carry you to your bed and whisper something to you. He will caress your head and you find him asleep beside you the next morning.

"Sweet dream. Remember that tomorrow is going better than today"

When you are on your period, you will have a mood swings and you don't need to tell him cuz he can guess it. He will spoil you alooottt.

You want to go to watch movies in the cinema? He is totally fine with it. You forgot to bring your money? Don't worry you don't need to care about it cuz he is with you. You want some snacks? Why he have to buy it if he already preparing to surprise you with it? You want a new phone? Umm maybe he will think twice again.

"What y/n want y/n gets''

"You have money to take her to the Maldive trip? I never know"

"Shut up Chenle"

When you crying or feel down, he will ask you about it, and he tries to calm you down and cuddle with you alllll day. Or maybe when he is rich af at that time, he will take you on a luxury vacation and not forget to go shopping. Cuz he promised you that he will be with you forever.

"Here is your coffee. Wanna tell about it?"

"Sure. Are you okay if I tell you?"

"Just tell me. Or else I do it by myself to found your problems"

Sometimes you have a love-hate friendship with him. Misunderstanding is the normal thing between you two. He sometimes feels jealous or sad when you spend all your time with another friend although of the same gender. Fighting? Oh yeah, the small things sometimes can be a big thing okay. For example, food. If you open a refrigerator and "accidentally" found chocolate or maybe something else that is his food, of course, you will eat it. Once Jeno found about it, you are in danger lol. Like, he not talking with you all day or maybe just ignore you?

"Hey talk to me. It's just a fucking cheesecake"

"Not until you buy back the cheesecake you eat yesterday"

You smile at the memory that is flashing in your mind

And now?

Now?

Now...

He is totally different from before you can tell?

He found someone. Yes, someone. Someone that people say "no one can replace her" and whatsoever. Jeno meets his girlfriend in the cafe shop and that's how she confess her feeling to Jeno and Jeno accept it. You are sad and disappointed about it. You just don't have an idea if it is called jealousy or maybe something else.

You almost crying when you found out about it. That's why he acts strangely all these days, cuz he found someone new. You found that you were mad at yourself and it's hurt you more when he keeps his distance from you. It's not like you can do the things with him like before

"Why do you keep your distance and acts like a stranger? Can't we just act normal like before?"

"Sorry y/n, my girlfriend told me to do that, she... She said that she was uncomfortable about it and jealous although if we just talking normal thing...sorry"

"Ohh...good"

Those feeling before you have, now you thought it's all fake. Fake. You feel betrayed. You know it's not his girl's fault but still, you can feel the scar.

When you make eye contact with him without purpose, you quickly avoid it. You now try to avoid meeting him.

When you meet him, you can feel the guilt in his eyes. Sometimes you realised his action that he wants to fix it again. You just ignore him. You try to ignore him but you cant. All you can do now is just to be a stranger. Yes. Stranger.

You feel regret and angry when you found out that you are actually in love with him. You just know all those feeling are called love. Tsk, how stupid are you? You are late. And he is late too.

Sad, disappointed, angry, betrayed, all in one

Now, you have to let him go because sometimes love to mean that we have to leave them and let them go to be happier. Whatever you go through, life is still going on.

Sometimes you meet him, but not talking too long, because you know your line especially when he with his girlfriend

You just have to wait. Wait to deserve someone else who can accept you. Accept your feelings

I'm sorry y/n. I try to find my feelings for you and try to confess them. But I'm too late and ended up with someone else. I'm not sure about the feelings and not sure if I regret my decision. I can feel your disappointment in your eyes when I meet yours. I'm sorry...

°•©nctworststuff

[bright-molina]

Emergency Contact

synopsis: Sometimes it takes an accident and the revelation that Buck is Luke's emergency contact to really bring the Buckley-Mercer (et al) Family to the same page.

fandoms: Julie and the Phantoms x 911

relationships/characters: Buckley!reader (gender neutral), Alex Mercer, Evan Buckley, Luke Patterson, Athena Grant, Maddie Buckley (all relationships are familial/platonic)

word count: 2503

warnings: mentions of minor injuries (and I mean minor, sprained ankle, minor concussion is all)

a/n: @biqherosix surprise! Catch me pushing the Buckley-Mercer family agenda cause I can. For anyone wondering, we're running with the idea that they're cousins. I honestly have no idea where this came from, I wrote it at like midnight yesterday. And it only figures that the first thing I post in forever is a crossover that is mostly self-indulgent but I promise I'm trying to get the hang of things again.

For those of y'all that haven't seen 911 but still wanna read: one, I appreciate you so much oh my gosh, two, I highly recommend it and three, all you really need to know for this one is that Buck is a firefighter with the 118, Athena Grant is a police officer, and Maddie is Buck's older sister and a 911 dispatcher. If I missed anything and you wanna know feel more than free to ask!

The absolute last thing you expected was your phone ringing well past midnight.

“Don’t answer it.”

Alex’s voice sounded from beside you, muffled by the pile of blankets he was buried under. You rolled your eyes and reached for your phone only to have him snatch it out of your grip and stuff it under the blankets alongside him.

“Give it back!”

“No,” Alex crossed his arms tighter, ignoring the second ring completely. “It’s probably Buck checking to see if we’ve gone to sleep yet, if you answer he’ll know we’re still up.”

“Like Buck would voluntarily be up right now. He’s fifteen hours into a twenty four hour shift,” You leaned back against the couch, knowing there was no tearing the phone away from Alex. “Will you at least check who it is to make sure it’s not Maddie?”

Alex groaned, loud and exaggerated, before sticking his head underneath his blankets to check your phone. You were just barely able to hear his panicked ‘uh oh’ before he put on his best fake tired voice and answered, “Hello?”

“Alexander Mercer, what are you doing awake at this hour?”

“I wasn’t awake.”

“Sure you weren’t. Give the phone to y/n.”

He was handing you the phone in a flash and you could see his wide eyes in the dim blue light coming from the living room tv. “It’s Athena.”

“Thanks, I heard. And I told you so,” You smacked him with your pillow when he stuck his tongue out and he quickly ducked back under the blankets. Whether he was hiding from you or Athena was up for debate. “Hi Athena.”

“Y/N,” Uh oh was right. You recognized the tone in her voice immediately. Exasperated and tired with a little bit of worry laced through. “You wouldn’t be able to get ahold of Buck would you?”

“I could,” You sat up straighter and Alex peeked out from under the blankets again, craning his neck to listen in on the conversation. “Is something wrong? Can’t you call Captain Nash?”

“I could,” Athena echoed your words back to you and you heard muffled shouting in the back. “But Captain Nash isn’t Luke’s emergency contact.”

“His what!”

“It’s not a big deal!” Luke’s voice. It was him who had been shouting. “I’m fine!”

“The cast you’re wearing says different,” There was a click on the other end of the line and Alex tripped over the discarded blankets and pillows as he rushed to look for the car keys. “We couldn’t reach him and Maddie was his second emergency contact but May said she went home early today.”

“Yeah, uh, she -” You put on your shoes as fast as possible and reached for the nearest sweater, one you were sure wasn’t yours. “Jee’s teething so she - she’s probably busy with her. What happened? Luke -”

“Is fine. You just focus on getting to the station and bringing Buck to Med cause he’s gotta fill out some papers. I’ll stay here with him until you do.”

“Okay. Okay we’ll be there soon.”

“Y/N put me on speaker,” Athena must’ve been able to hear the panic in your voice. She knew both you and Alex well enough to know every emotion that was running through you both at that moment. “I want both of you to listen to me. Luke is okay. A little scratched up. Maybe a bruised ego. But he’s just fine, I promise you.”

If there was anybody you trusted it was Athena Grant. So you and Alex shared a look, thanked her, and sprinted out of the apartment wondering what on earth Luke had gotten himself into.

“What do you mean you don’t know!”

“Athena didn’t tell us anything!” You shouted right back at Buck despite knowing it probably wasn’t the best idea given the time or the circumstances. Alex was a few feet away, talking quietly to Chimney to have him relay a message to Maddie. She’d be less angry if the news came from him.

“I thought he went back home,” Buck shook his head before jogging down the stairs and you followed him. He all but charged to the locker room and started shoving all his things in the duffel he always carted with him from the apartment to the station and back. “I thought he was okay.”

It wasn’t until then, until you caught a glimpse of his reflection in the little mirror in his locker surrounded by pictures, that you realized something. Evan Buckley, the firefighter, your brother who always seemed so fearless, was scared.

Buck’s mind was racing at a million miles an hour. He kept going through every piece of information he could from the last two days. Luke had promised him. Sworn he was going back home to his parents. He should’ve known better. They were too much alike and he should’ve known better.

He supposed the worrying came with the territory. The anxiety and panic and not knowing were all things he didn’t like but things he would bear if it meant making sure one of his own was okay.

He had always been protective. You were the youngest Buckley and he took it upon himself to make sure you had a better life than him and Maddie had had. Alex was family and he didn’t hesitate to give him a home when he needed one, metaphorically and literally.

And somewhere along the way the Buckley-Mercer family had grown without him realizing it. Alex had brought his band, his friends, over for dinner once and from that moment on they became a fixture in his life.

Bobby, who was surprised the first time Maddie grinned and hugged him, telling him how proud she was of him. Reggie, who was the first to accept a place in their makeshift home, needing the support and love they offered more than anything. And Luke, who was stubborn and wore his heart on his sleeve and fit right in with them.

And Buck couldn’t believe he had let them down. He couldn’t believe that he tried so hard to let Luke know he was there for him and he had failed. If he had just paid a little more attention then -

“I know what you’re thinking,” Your voice cut off his thoughts and he paused for a moment before continuing.

“No you don’t.”

“You’re blaming yourself. It’s what you always do,” You watched as he pocketed his phone and zipped up the bag. “It’s what you did when I thought I could jump off the swing and ended up with a broken arm even though you couldn’t have stopped me. It’s what you did when Alex had that really bad allergic reaction even though none of us knew he was allergic in the place. It’s what you’re doing now.”

Buck slammed the locker shut without meaning to and silently wondered how you seemed to know everything about him when he seemed to know nothing about any of you, not really. He wasn’t like you or Maddie or Alex and that had never been more clear.

“I’m not blaming myself. I just -” He sighed and walked out of the locker room, past you and Alex, and around to the drivers side of the car. He didn’t get in yet. Instead he glanced between the two of you. “I’m not Maddie. I don’t know how to tell what you guys are thinking. I don’t know how to do the things she does. I can’t help how she does. But - but maybe if I could then -”

“You’re right,” You cut him off, already knowing where he was going. “You’re not Maddie. But we don’t need another Maddie, we need Buck.”

“Y/N’s right,” Alex leaned against the top of the car and gave an easy shrug. “Maddie does family dinners every week and helps us with homework and keeps superhero bandaids around for when Reg and Bobby come back from the skate park with scrapes all over them. But you host game nights and come to every one of our practices when you’re not here and tell really bad jokes when you know we need to hear them.”

“They aren’t bad -”

“Yeah they are,” Both you and Alex answered in sync, successfully pulling the faintest laugh from Buck.

“You’re Buck,” You repeated and finally opened the door of the car. “And when Luke left home he came to you. Athena said you’re his emergency contact because he trusts you more than anyone else. We all do.”

It took less than a couple seconds for Buck to nod and get in the car, the two of you following his lead. Moments later he was speeding away from the 118 and in the direction of the hospital, determined to be where he was needed.

“You’re an idiot, Luke Patterson.”

“Wow thanks,” Luke rolled his eyes from where he sat on the couch, an action that earned him a scolding from you, and kept picking at the fabric of the pillow he was holding to him.

It was nearing mid morning and you had all gotten back to Buck’s apartment only a short while ago. The combined insistence and intimidation coming from both Buck and Athena meant the doctors had no choice but to run as many tests as necessary until they were positive Luke was fine.

Your eyes scanned his face again, a habit you’d picked up from Maddie, in an attempt to assess the damage once more to be sure nothing had gone wrong in the last ten minutes.

A butterfly bandage on his forehead above his left eye. Some scrapes on his arms from the fall. The brace around his right ankle propped up on the coffee table and some pillows. A tear in his favorite flannel that you were already patching up.

“What were you thinking?” You sighed and dropped your hands, turning in your spot beside him to look at him and read all the expressions flashing across his face. “You got hit by a car, Luke.”

“I did not!” He flinched when Alex, fast asleep across the other couch, shifted a little at the noise. Buck did the same thing upstairs in the loft, though he recognized the sound of talking and opted to listen in. “I swerved out of the way. The bike lost control and I hit the pavement but I’m fine.”

“The mild concussion and sprained ankle beg to differ,” You stared again. Luke refused to meet your eyes, refused to look anywhere around the apartment that wasn’t the pillow on his lap. He’d been doing the same thing since Buck had nearly busted down the door of the room he’d been sitting in at the hospital. “What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know,” Luke finally sighed, knowing you wouldn’t let it go any time soon. “I just - I did go home. At first. And i-it was okay until my mom started doing that -that thing she does. The voice, talking down, asking when I was gonna start getting serious, telling me I should do better. I tried but she wouldn’t stop saying all of it so I -” His shoulders sank and his head hung low and you moved closer. “I left.”

“So why didn’t you come back here?” You reached out, hand on his arm in an attempt to get him to hear you. To listen to you. To talk to you. “What made you think you couldn’t?”

It took a few moments but when Luke finally looked up his eyes were watering and he looked unsure. He looked scared and he was never scared. “I didn’t want to disappoint anyone else.”

“I don’t know if you know this,” You gave a sigh and leaned against the back of the couch on one arm. “But we are, historically, a pretty messed up family.”

You successfully pulled a laugh from Luke and a muffled ‘shut up’ from Alex only made the two of you laugh more. But when the laughter faded away you were left with the ghost of those doubts. Present and needing closure. To be acknowledged and reassured.

“There is nothing you could do that would disappoint Maddie and Buck, believe me,” You gave him a faint, sad smile and for a second he wondered what memories were the source of it. “And you never have to be scared. We’re your family and we’re here for you. Me and Alex and Buck and Maddie. Athena who stayed with you until we got there and after. Chimney who’s breaking the news to Maddie to save us all. Albert. May. Bobby. Reggie. You have all of us. I hate to break it to you but you’re a part of our weird little family and we aren’t going anywhere any time soon. So please, please never feel like you have to hide from us. You’re home here, Luke.”

And he believed every word. For a moment he wondered why he ever doubted it in the first place. It was evident in the way he had a designated spot at the dining table at Maddie’s place. In the way his clothes took up a good amount of space in one of the dressers upstairs. In the pair of house keys that hung on a chain around his neck. Reggie and Bobby were also given a pair long ago.

“Does one of you want to explain to me what the hell happened!” The sound of the door being thrown open startled all of you. Alex sat up quickly and Buck came barreling down the stairs to meet Maddie at the door.

Bobby and Reggie came in after her, holding piles of various items she’d insisted on bringing with. They were followed moments later by Albert carrying bags filled with takeout and then Chimney with Jee-Yun in her car seat.

It was dead silent for a moment as Maddie looked between her siblings, her cousin, and the boy she considered one of her own. They were all her family and that was that.

Finally the silence was broken by Luke leaning over in your direction and quietly asking, “Hey, does home have a place I can hide from Maddie until she’s less mad?”

“Oh, Luke,” You offered him a smile he recognized as a slightly sympathetic yet playful one. “There is nowhere you can hide where Maddie’s anger, love, and aggressive post-injury nurturing won’t reach. Good luck.”

She sat in your spot the moment you stood up and was immediately making sure Luke was okay. Her eyes scanned each injury just as yours had and when she finally let him take a breath he looked around.

All of this, the chaos that was unpacking the various takeout boxes. Setting up a little station on the kitchen island with various medical supplies. Chasing Jee-Yun around as she crawled and wobbled all around the place. Music playing softly in the background as everyone smiled and talked and felt relieved that he was okay.

This was home. Luke was sure of it.

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[sapphiclizziebennet]

sometimes i wish i could view gender in a heteronormative way and only that because that would make it so much more simple. in a heteronormative society, i know for sure that i am not a woman and do not want to be seen as a woman. i don't connect with that at all. but outside of that? where anything is everything? am i a woman? i kind of hate the idea, i don't want to wear that label and man it would exhaust me being a woman all the time even outside of that, but there is still that blip in my mind that worries that i'm faking it. that i'm only this way because i'm just internally misogynistic, or hate what heteronormativity tells women they should be, or whatever.

i fucking hate the idea that you have to be trans only in one way. gender dysphoria does exist for me but i still question whether it's from inside or whether it's from outer sources, even though i was binding my chest as a young teenager and loving how i was perceived when i cosplayed men. there is still. that. voice. not because i'm not trans, but because heteronormativity and subsequently that lack of it is something my brain is trying so hard to hold onto like a tether but it just won't let go.

admittedly, i've been doomscrolling a lot of trans hate recently. been rooting around on r/detrans (which is not intrinsically trans hate but man a lot of former trans men detransition and become terfs), reading terf threads on twitter from teenagers who think being a radical feminist is edgy, the replies on jk rowling's posts, libs of tiktok, the list goes on and on. it's just really scary to be anything but the norm right now. i'm really scared. i think this gender thing goes down far deeper than i ever anticipated it to. i don't know how to ask people to sometimes use "he" pronouns for me, or what it means that i still wear dresses and supposedly act feminine to others when i do it (although via the aforementioned heteronormativity anything i do is feminine, even when i basically often see myself as a man in a dress of sorts. it's a masculine dress lmao). friends irl, newer ones who have only known me with they/them pronouns, still mess them up and god it does hurt every time. it cuts so deep.

i also was looking at some artists on twitter that i had to unfollow a while ago, both of whom recently came out as transmasc and still present rather femininely, they're dating and living the life i want. i want to be them and the jealousy boils in me like a fever i can't sweat out. i wish i was thin, so people would see me differently, i wish my voice was deeper, so people would see me differently, i wish i was beautiful or handsome or cool or coordinated or nice, so people would see me differently. all of those things. i am not handsome i am not pretty i am not anything and that still makes me question all of this. who would i be if i did not hate my body? i think i've done okay separating it from dysphoria, but i still question things.

my mother hates everything queer about me. when i try to say something about it she goes silent. the other day i referred to an old friend with their pronouns, they/them, and she said "oh, (name) is a they now?" and the conversation ended with "well that's one way to confuse people." and yeah, she'd never kick me out for being gay or trans, but i feel it. i know it. i am not the thing you made in your womb to you. i am something else entirely and i wish i could figure it out.

some people would say this turmoil is a sign that i'm not trans and that terrifies me to my core. but this is what being trans in a world that doesn't like it looks like. i only hate it because of what is being served to me. i love gender so much but god everything sucks in the world right now. i wish people would fucking believe me. i wish people who meant well didn't mess up my pronouns. i know they see me as a woman. i just know it. i hate it.

sorry i wrote this much i just have a lot of thoughts tonight. thanks if you read this far i guess

[sugasugawarau]

Synopsis: You knew that Kageyama Tobio was not your soulmate - and that was why you could not help but succumb to the waves that lulled you away from the shores of fate + semi inspired by Eyes Blue like the Atlantic by sistaprod ft. Subvrbs. Also part of @yacoka‘s collab <3 (2.4k words)

Warnings/notes: Some angst near the end, soulmate red string au, gender neutral reader. No beta we die like Rex Lapis so if I ever feel like it this may be edited at some point asdahdhj idk LMAO

— Prologue

There are as many reasons to fall in love with Kageyama Tobio as there are fractals made by the ocean’s breath as the world inhales and exhales, flourishes and wilts, conquers and surrenders. It would not even be a hyperbole to say that in number, they remain unrivalled to the plethora of stars that stain the waves with their reflection and run deeper than the scars of lightyears that paint lines from Cassiopeia to Aquila.

After all, he is the darkest hue of navy blue.

Determination that moves in an orchestra of thundering waves, brandishing on its crest an admirable recklessness, heeding not for the need to call upon courage or confidence; polished instinct that endued one with the same awestruck feeling when facing the beautifully suffocating obscurity of their life in this world, a mixture of raw fear and the need to impart a piece of their soul in everything they do despite how fragile the skin shielding their heart is.

But the best part of loving Kageyama was that you were not - or will ever become - destined to be.

— Shoreline

Red.

It was a word that was always thrown about in conversations, the fuel to the catastrophes that were high school gossip chains, and the colour that held the mangled passion of the string of fate. Garishly predestined and easily tangled by unnecessary complications of jealousy and confusion, it is needless to say that you hated red with more passion than the love it emptily promises with a title as shallow as soulmates.

That was not to say you despised love. There was nothing wrong with love itself, a fact which you had decided firmly since the spry age of four years old. What was wrong was its combination with soulmates: a rigid formula, nothing like the walks with your grandmother on the bright summer roads littered with flowers as her calloused palm gently guided you, or the laughter you shared with your friends after a long run in the rain, hugging each other goodbye at the end of the day despite the muddy battle scars covering your arms and legs from falling countless times.

Your mind could have kept you engaged in your internal debate for longer if you were left to your own devices, but an awkward cough and the sound of a desk shifting towards your right brought you out of your reverie, bringing your drifting thoughts back to the classroom surrounding you.

Perhaps your look of confusion came off as hostile, for the dark-haired boy now sitting next to you looked at you with a slight glare that felt forced, an automatic effort to defend himself.

His tone of voice only confirmed your unconsciously off-putting expression as he gruffly stated, “Group project.” to explain his sudden presence.

“Oh. What’s the topic on?”

An awkward silence had ensued while you tried to calmly collect yourself by gathering a handful of pens from your pencil case after being caught in your heinous crime of not paying attention to your English teacher.

“You don’t know?” Came his reply, causing you to occupy yourself by finding extreme interest in a lime green highlighter you did not have any recollection of ever buying.

“Well, I clearly wasn’t paying attention.”

“You… weren’t?” The slight intonation in his tone was a stark contrast to your initial impression of him and caused you to look up at him, almost letting out an amused snort at his befuddled frown to which he furrowed his brows and shot a challenging “What?” in return. Realizing that he was genuine in believing that you were deep in thought over the lesson, a burst of laughter blossomed past your lips, attracting a few odd looks from your nearby peers and an abashed glare from him.

You paused to take a breath, a repetition of sorries stumbling their way out to appease the onslaught of nagging you thought would follow shortly. Instead, all the boy muttered was a simple, “You’re weird.”

“Sure, but that’s beside the point - were you paying any attention?”

“No.”

Seeing your face contorted to stop yet another bout of laughter to roam its way into the world as a result of his bluntness, he shot out of his seat and announced that he would go ask the teacher, unable to hide his puzzlement as he walked away. He would come to regret this decision when the teacher began to lecture him, earning more heads to turn his way as she scolded him before sending him off dismissively with a sticky note that you assumed had your now long-awaited topic.

Before you could thank him for enduring what could only be one of the worst things to experience as a high school student, he wordlessly handed the piece of paper to you and sat down.

“Kageyama, right? With this project, you’ll have me to thank for the A we’ll get,” you promised confidently, to which he responded with a halfhearted “Good luck.”

If he had been a close friend, you would have taken the small textbook on his desk and gently hit his head at his evident lack of belief in his capabilities, but settled for a clipped sigh instead. After all, you did not want to further contribute to the premature wrinkles Kageyama was making himself prone to with all of the brow-furrowing he did.

This is going to be one long month.

— Largo

Like how the ocean reluctantly caresses the sleeping shore as it wakes from its slumber during low tide, your lives slowly flowed together.

During the first week of your group project with him, he would greet you curtly, and on a few occasions, you would have short conversations about the outline of your book review.

And this singular week was enough to show that there was some (okay, maybe a lot) of backing behind the teacher’s warning about Kageyama’s dismal grade.

While you flipped through A Midsummer Night’s Dream, you would catch the all-too-familiar confusion on his face - it was written on his features so blatantly that it was almost comical, as if taken straight out of a shonen manga.

“You know if you’re stuck you can ask me for help.”

A slight scowl greeted you over the hedge of pages he had been burying himself in, followed by a biting, “Who said I need help?”

You could only roll your eyes in return.

“Please drop the prideful act. You've been glazing over the same page for about twenty minutes now."

After a few seconds of grumbling did he finally comply, and with your explanations, his bookmark was now comfortably sandwiched between the double-digit page numbers right as the bell rang. You hummed in satisfaction before returning your desk to your original spot, expecting him to rush out along with everyone else - so to turn around and see him still standing there was a bit of a surprise.

“Did you still need help with the last few lines?” You settled on asking, not really wanting to plague your break with work but offering nonetheless. Thankfully, he shot a look of disdain at the play as he stuffed it away haphazardly in his bag.

“No, I just wanted to,” he trailed off a bit, the tinge of red on his ears an out-of-character detail you decided not to comment on, “to say thanks, I guess.”

You smiled softly at the unexpected gesture of appreciation before giving him a teasing nudge which he stiffened slightly at.

“Well, I can’t have you bringing down my mark now can I?”

“Nevermind, I take it back.”

“Too bad, I have those words of gratitude stored nicely in my hippocampus already.”

From there, tutoring sessions with Kageyama became the norm, with you sometimes asking about his volleyball team after he had let slip that you were a better teacher than Tsukishima (something you would be sure to smugly share if you ever met the infamous middle blocker).

By the end of the month, all of the hard work - and a couple of all-nighters due to procrastination - brought forth an A as you had promised.

Even your relentless teasing, varying between “I told you so!” to “You owe me at least three meat buns now” which were all met with an annoyed “Shut up”was not enough to dim the smile he tried to hide.

— High tide

With the force of nature, the tide rose without warning; from goodnight texts to confessing to the first “I love you” uttered shyly between shameless souls, neither of you was sure where things began, but found comfort in such liberating chaos.

In times where he needed to be held, you were there, and the insecurities you would hide, he would turn beautiful. And today happened to be a day for both as you stared absentmindedly at his bedroom ceiling.

“Hey Tobio, what’s your take on soulmates?”

“We’ve been together for almost a year now, what do you think?” he put his phone down and turned towards you, “I could care less about soulmates or whatever else is worrying you enough to make your overthinking go into overdrive.”

“Rude, have some respect, it’s my profession after all,” you shoved him playfully as he snorted in reply, “It’s just... If your string ever appeared, wouldn't you rather-”

“Listen Y/n, did you know that I’m scared of dying but I’m even more terrified of the thought of living without you? I could never and don’t ever want to replace you. People can talk all they want, if I could find a love like ours without something as stupid as a piece of string then I don’t need a soulmate.”

“Really?”

With a flick to your forehead, he huffed in fake exasperation. “Really.”

“Huh, who knew you could be so romantic.”

“It's not romantic, I'm just being honest, idiot.”

“You sure could make do with some more lessons on manners and social tact. It's too bad you can't pick up on those as well as volleyball drills.”

Before he could retaliate, you enveloped him in a familiar embrace, burrowing your face into the large hoodie he donned.

It was effortless, his company.

— Ebbing away

But it wasn’t all romantic.

You fiddled with your phone as you waited for any sign that Kageyama had seen your messages, the pack of meat buns you had bought on a whim no longer letting off their fragrant steam. You knew he had an important match coming up against Seijoh, that he had to prove himself, that he lives hungrily and foolishly like no other. But his missing presence went beyond volleyball practice, keeping his distance from you even when he was right by your side.

Why am I stuck reminiscing about the past when we still have each other?

Why does every step I take towards him feel as if I’m only drawing myself farther away from him?

A carousel of rhetorical questions spun around your head as you stopped your slow pace towards Karasuno. You were not blind; you knew the rumours and dirty looks from your classmates were not something anyone could be immune to, that he tried his best to spend less time around you at school. The only conclusion you could reach was that he was ashamed: either of you, or the fact that he had begun to see his red string and could not bring himself to face you.

Ignoring the urge to let yourself cry, you glanced down at your phone once more, 8:30PM flashed across your eyes, followed by your empty notifications. There was no way he’d still be practicing at the school now and even if he was, you doubted he would be happy to see you. Maybe - no, definitely - it would be better to head home, and maybe stop by the convenience store you had bought the now misshapen meat buns from to get some tea and call it a night.

If only fate did not reciprocate your hatred towards it.

Stepping into the small store, the first person you are greeted with is none other than Kageyama Tobio. The whole situation was like a fever dream, and you would do anything to be able to let out a laugh and have him call you weird all over again. But all you could bring yourself to do was blearily stare at him.

He turned around quickly, as if not wanting to be caught before ushering you outside. “Y/n? Why are you here?” he hissed, a stiffness that he had recently adopted to his body language that you were now all too familiar with.

“What? Am I not allowed to go into any and all convenience stores I please?” You challenged, a part of you waiting for him to care enough to see how tired you were, to actually look you in the eyes for the first time in weeks.

He did not, opting to turn his head towards the door again.

“It’s not that, it’s just-”

“Just what? Tobio, what is up with you lately?” A pause ensued, broken by a small hiccup as your eyes dampened - God, how much more pathetic could you get than crying in front of some dingy convenience store - “Do you even love me anymore?”

How odd. You thought that by finally uttering the final question that had been dancing around your mind free to the world, you would feel better. That he would reassure you, as he always had.

Not that he would at last meet your gaze, grabbing your hand to look at the red string wrapped around your ring finger.

The taste of tears and Kageyama’s eyes as blue as the Atlantic all felt miles away from you as an orange-haired boy stepped out of the store, his mouth dropping into an o-shape when he saw that his string led to you, a disheveled mess arguing with his teammate.

“Kageyama…You knew? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want to face the reality of it all. Because I was afraid of losing you.”

“But I wouldn’t leave you-”

“I know you wouldn’t but you should!” Kageyama’s furrowed brows, once a quirk of his that you were fond of, now elicited a sick turmoil in your stomach, “You have to. Please.”

You wanted to yell at him, let the blood pour out of any and all raw words of anger and hurt.

Who was he to decide what was good for you, to throw you at some boy you never met before, to give up?

Then again, you could never say you would not have done the same for him if you knew he had found his soulmate despite the sweet words he had told you so long ago.

So you let yourself go. For his sake.

[dreamdropsystemarchive]

I tend not to know what to say a lot, so when I do say something, it's a lot for some people. Oh and I hope the Shanes are able to fuse together! It must be tough to have three Shanes in the headspace..

And that makes sense. Small portions of time sounds easier to deal with. Do new alters form sometimes when you're blurry? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. Curiosity always gets the best of me :(

Me too.. I've started reblogging a lot of my posts because I want more people to like my posts. It makes me feel more real. Validation from strangers is better than none at all.

And I'll try! Relapsing is hard, and I've done it lots, but I'm starting to do it less

I actually knew nothing about systems until I found your guy's blog to be honest. But I've been learning a lot from you guys! And if it helps, I don't think you guys are faking! If you guys question if you're faking, then you most likely aren't, because people who are faking don't question anything because they know they don't have anything.

And thank you guys! 🥺🥺 I like talking to y'all too! You are all so sweet and kind!

And I'm not sure how I'm doing. How are you guys? Did your guy's appointments go well? (I have terrible memory, so if they weren't today, then I hope they go well!)

*also if anything is uncomfortable for you guys to answer, feel free to not talk about it.. I try not to ask personal questions, but everyone has different boundaries*

-🌺

hello 🌺 anon. its nice to hear from you again. We're bad with our wording too so its ok. ^^; were trying. and yes were doing our best to fuse the Shanes into one, thank you for your support.

being a polyfragmented system is hard. we have diffrent headspaces and many alters. diffrent areas block with amnesia walls.. but yes having 3 Shane's has been a bit choatic. and yes weve had alters split while we were blurry. ask as many questions as you like, we dont mind.

yes we rb a lot of our posts so more people see them and interact with them its validating. we love when our art either if its text posts, text images, edits, art and etc gets attention.

relapsing is hard. we undertand. keep going. were rooting for you 🌺 anon!

were glad you're learning from our blog but were just one example. every system is diffrent. you should do some research on it on your own if you'd like.

some of us feel were faking a lot and some of us know were not faking. its hard though trying to calm the ones that think we are. we do our best we love getting asks so we love interacting with people who follow us and stuff.

our appointments went well. it was scary for Adult Shane but we made it through. were gonna see neurologist and a gender expert of whatever theyre called a out top sugery. we dont know how were gona hide this from our mother but well sure as hell will try..

we will let you know if a ask is too peronal or uncomfortable dont worry. thank you for your ask it was lovely talking to you.. how are you doing? what have you been up to? - Honey and the Shane(s) cocon

[xeo-kunsatan]

Beast Choices Chapter 1. Diagnosis

Long time ago in Pacopolis... A Russian/Korean Woman have opened her consultory for the first time, ready to receive her first patient.

Muriel Plizetxki.

Age: 21 years

Gender: Female

Birthday: April 4th

Sign: Aries ♈

Race: Purple Sphere-Russian/Korean

Blood type: B+

From her office's door, her First patient have arrived.. It was a insecure and tired white orb next to his mother wich was speaking with Muriel about her son's bad behavior, wishing Muriel would make him change into a perfect boy, to then left him in the office.

Betrayus Spheros

Age: 18 Years

Gender: Male

Birthday: October 28th

Sign: Scorpio ♏

Race: White Sphere-American

Blood type: A-.

–Remember Miss in 2 months of therapy i will give you his Diagnosis–

Muriel said trying to be professional.

–I hope you can handle him, he is sooo complicated... Well see ya Tray Tray, be good– Said the old woman before leaving the office.

–Wow.. what a nice woman..– Muriel said sarcastically.. –Y-Yeah... I guess..– he said with a notable uncomfortably.

The ambient was quiet for a moment, but Muriel started speaking.

–Welcome to this office Mr Spheros, or how can I refer myself to you?– –B-Betrayus.. just Betrayus

--Said bashful the white guy..

--Alright Betrayus, so.. Tell me... What are your problems?

Betrayus was quiet and nervous but he took a break and started narrating..

–Well.. Doctor.. My problems started literally since I born,.. my Dad died when i born... So my mother andmy brother.. they saw me as the guilty of his death and a black sheep...i Dunno if my older sister thinks the same of me....

He was narrating while Muriel was taking notes of his testimony.–

–I didn't knew how my father was, when i tried to ask my mom about him...she just avoid that topic and told me a "shut up" instead, My sister isn't in home for almost all the day because of her work, when i saw her, we just have a short conversations about future stuff and what places we want to visit so i forgot to ask that to her.. and my brother.. he just avoids me with Mom's same behavior.. i think i partly know why he is Mom's favorite..

–Because he is the same shit as her?–

Muriel commented in a jocking way.

–Heheh.. Exactly– He Chuckled

–Is that all, or there's is more you want to share?.. Like.. your childhood?– she said interested while she was still taking notes.

–Well.. about my childhood..it was hard too, i went to the same school as my brother, he was the brilliant Student of the class, he was the best in Chess, math, history, lenguage, football, swimming, golf and hockey. How I'm not like him, for a weird reason classmates sees me as a

Mr no One or a freak, some of them used to bully me....– He added

–Uhuh..– Muriel Answered while she was writting in a new paper

Betrayus seemed a little mad at Muriel's dry attitude, like thinking she wasn't giving a care about his feelings.

– Agh... you know, whatever, that's not important.. you're were just paid to control me

Betrayus's mad expression changed in a melancholic one, something Muriel noticed quickly, then she said him with a warm voice tone and a clumsy smile.

–Don't worry, i will not judge you, even when my work is hear your problems and understand you to then give you dry advices, i really want to help you, i know so well how do you feel, I'm sorry if I sounded like i didn't care, Heh.. This is my first work day and you my first patient, hehe–

Betrayus was embarrassed but relieved at the same time –R-Really?, Oh dang I'm really sorry, i didn't know..–

–No no no, it's okay, it was my fault– Muriel was still with a dummy smile, something that Betrayus saw with tenderness

–Heh at least that confirms me that you're really interested in help me–

She chuckled –Yeah i guess, hehehe

And we'll continuing this, tell me what are the things wich makes you shine?–

–Things wich makes me shine?– he asked confused

–You know, your skills, in what things you are good for– she answered chuckling

–Ooh!, I get it, heh.. well I'm good in lenguage, History, Gambling, Pac pong...well.. uhm.. I don't like it anymore... Also literature and writing, I'm kinda freaky with that..–

Suddenly Betrayus noticed a familiar book from the mini library behind Muriel's.

–Is that?.. No way! Is that the Divine Comedy book!?– He said on a impressed and kinda freaky tone.

–Y-yeah wow I thought I was the only weirdo by reading that book– she was impressed as well.

–Same old, Girl!

Both started sharing their tastes having the surprise that their tastes were the same as each other while they were yelling as bakudeku fangirls.

The hours have passed and Rotunda went to take Betrayus to home.

–Im back, Im sorry if he caused you problems– Rotunda said trying to be nice.

–Ohh Miss he wasn't giving me problems, he behaved really good– She answered keeping herself as professional

Rotunda just paid the date to Muriel and left with Betrayus.

Muriel just sighs of satisfaction at watching his first patient smiling before Left.

"He has a really precious smile".

Muriel have attended another 3 patients more until the day ended, she just left the building of her office to then left to a Cabaret club where she worked to pay her career and getting psychiatrist title, work wich still he is having for actually any Monday night. Sometimes to strip or filming adult movies, Always wearing a wolf mask to hide her identity as well keeping her work as psychiatrist. It's almost hard to say if she hated her job in that Cabaret.

She ended and Left safety to her department to just feed her wolfdog Yūu, take a bath and fall sleep cuddling with Yūu waiting for the next day.

In the timelapse of the days Muriel and Betrayus continued their meetings, sometimes with Muriel taking Yūu to the meetings to give a fluffy support to Betrayus, Muriel became into a big emotional support to Betrayus as well her best friend. Something big was growing up between them.

The 2 months have passed so Muriel will give Rotunda the Diagnosis of Betrayus.

Betrayus: hehe then i told her.. Don't move, and she moved and fell from the stairs.

Muriel: Unholy Satan hahahaha... Heheh.. Hey, did anyone told you that you have a beautiful smile?

Betrayus: R-really?.. thank you..*Blushes* no one told me that before...

Muriel: they lost it. *Smiles too*

Betrayus: you know.. you have a beautiful smile too Muriel.

She blushes as well.

Muriel: i want to see you smile Betrayus..

Betrayus: me too

The door was knocked, It was Rotunda and Stratos to take Betrayus to home as well to know the final diagnosis of Betrayus.

Muriel:*opens the door* come in.

Rotunda: thanks to take me Stratos sweetie.

Stratos: always for you Mom.

Rotunda: Tray Tray, wait outside, we have something important to tell with the doctor.

Betrayus: I'm not a child mom...

Betrayus goes outside and sits in the waiting room, near to the door to hear the conversation, suddenly Yūu appears in front him and gives him warm company.

Meanwhile Rotunda and Stratos were waiting for Betrayus's Diagnosis.

Rotunda: Tell me Doctor, what's the problem with my son, did he behaved bad?

Muriel: Oh no, he is a really nice guy but there's the problem.. he has light Depression attacks but it's not too serious in his case, he doesn't need medicine or something... But the only thing he needs is real attention and affection, something wich you clearly don't give him.

Rotunda: Aghh that's fake!

Stratos: but that's not right, it's just a bratty of him.

Muriel: and... Have you asked it what's the origin of his "Bratty"?.

Stratos: well uhh...

Rotunda: uhmm... Because yes?..

Muriel: *she is mad but keeping herself professional* that doesn't have a sense, no one can have a problem or issue because yes, there always a why, the reason of your son's "Bratty" it's because of the rejection and contempt you give him because of something is not his fault, like the death of your husband, being born after the death of your husband doesn't make him a curse, he is a gift your husband left you before his death, but you prefer to see him in that way, as your husband would liked you to do that to his son.

Rotunda was completely mad so she answered that by slapping Muriel, Stratos was shocked as well Betrayus wich was hugging Yūu stoping her to attack Rotunda.

Stratos: M-Mom..

Rotunda: don't talk about my husband!! you can't tell me how to rise my children, you're not a mother to know that!!.

Muriel:... Maybe I'm not a mother, if i were one i will not treat my children as a bullshit, i would treat them with love.. as my mother used to do

Rotunda: Arrgghh... This is a Nonesense... Stratos take me home..

Stratos: y-yes Mom..

Rotunda have left the office just to meet up with a angry Yūu, Muriel noticed that and ran off the office to calm down Yūu.

Muriel: Yūu-Min No! Calm down Girl, calm down...

Yūu calms down and looks at Betrayus worried.

Stratos;*sneezes* Wolf!!...

Rotunda: Ahh! Beast!!

Muriel;*lies* its actually, an Malamute Alaskan.

Betrayus: i heard everything... Mom.. it's not my fault my dad died, and you know what? I'm tired of you and your bullshit about me!!

Stratos: Betrayus don't speak in that tone to our mother!!!.

Betrayus: *mocks* don't speak in that tone to our mother.. you are just defending her because "you are his favorite child"...

Rotunda: that's it! Betrayus you better take your stuff and leave the house!

Betrayus: in that it's the only thing I can agree with you, mother.

Rotunda: hah, i doubt you can live without me.

Muriel: well, he can live in my department, i have a extra room there.

Betrayus: R-really Muriel? Can I?.

Muriel: Sure.

Rotunda: Fine! Go with your Slut, if she can bear with you.

Muriel: at least bear with me "a slut" it's better to bear with a witch like you.

Stratos: that's enough! Mom... Let's go..

Stratos have left with Rotunda.

Muriel: uff finally...

Betrayus:*hugs her tightly* .. thank you.. Thank you so much Muriel.

Muriel: *hugs back* your welcome...

After that Betrayus started living with Muriel in her apartment as her Roommate, Betrayus find a work as pizza Delivery guy.

Where their story started and their relationship evolved into real love.

To be continued...

Extra:

Muriel and Betrayus have left a bakery with a box of chocolate donuts.

Bully1: hey Babe, what if you leave this white loser and come with a real man~?.

Betrayus; Aghh.. not him..

Muriel: Tray Tray.. hold my donuts *give him the box of donuts*

Betrayus: Muriel?...

Muriel starts beating up the guy to make him Run.

Betrayus:... She is a real lady~♥