#sometimes i think that i write about the dog my ex killed a lil too much but then it makes a great metaphor!

[vulturescradle]

-JH

————-

For @nosebleedclub’s jan 11 prompt: “leash”

[raquellmurillo]

I totally agree with you. They made it looked like Raquel is just a hindrance on the plans of Professor. Without her, the story most likely will just stay the same. So much hateee. Raquel can do better!!! Where the fuck is Raquel Murillo!!!!

Didn’t they just???

Apart from all the problematic issues with her being involved in the heist... they really made her the hindrance.

Firstly, I don’t understand the whole point of them not being in Madrid. Because, Sergio had to be there in s1&2, just in case things went wrong, especially with cars, evidence, ya know all the little bits. I understand there are no protocols to check outside a given area... wouldn’t it make more sense to play it the other way around? To make police think they’re in, say, Barcelona, “because there are no protocols to check outside given area”; which would make the police think they’re really clever, as they’ve figured out that the professor is trying to base himself elsewhere. Why not have Marsella riding that bike around another large city....?

Because you see, I’d understand if that actually was a crucial part; they could by no means be in Madrid... but all of s4 was based in Madrid, yet no one bothered to look there (well apart from Alicia who tracked him from cctv cameras.... like give this woman a raise! But that would also assume Sergio is stupid enough to drive straight to his “secret hideout”, rather than leave the car say a few streets away and walking........ he is really down to his last brain cell, isn’t he??? Or the writers are lmao) so it seems a bit pointless to be as far away from the heist, especially, since like, Sergio hasn’t been caught in Madrid (well by the teams of thousands looking for him, since now they’ve even got a trail to follow) and as this amazing technique of being further away got them caught a lot faster? Wouldn’t it be better to start off in Madrid and run if they got caught there? Still being able to direct the heist but not from the comfort of a nearby location? Didn’t it sorta look like they were trying to catch them? 

It leaves a few plot holes, ya know... the whole epicenter plan (oh I was perhaps distracted when first hearing it lmaoo ;D) ---- that assumes they’re caught in a forest tho (?) - what if the got tracked an hour before on the beach...??? It seemed the plot was written for the action, rather than the action for the plot - all the things that were planned in s1&2 were only for inside the mint (!!!!) and all the things outside of the heist - the really stressful bits of Sergio threatening Russians etc. - were improvised, because they were fully aware that otherwise it would seem so unnatural; they weren’t protocol things that could be planned or predicted. I know now things have changed etc. but this amazing idea with the location was meant to solve all their issues. The plan of ‘in case they got caught’ was so ugh because it was clearly not written as a response to the situation, but almost in order to cause the situation. It would have made more sense to not have the epicenter plan, as it would’ve looked as if they didn’t expect to be caught in the middle of a forest lmao Sergio is a genius of improvisation, not a psychic (!!!!) It would have been amazing if they were in that ambulance and Sergio was like “think, think, think; a tree!! omg we gonna fool them wifey”. Not.... a few months before; “they’re not gonna catch us...... but if they do, it’ll defo be in a forest - I can sense it!!” --- plan epicenter on the beach --- “okay Raquel, you’re gonna bury yourself in the sand and hope the dogs don’t dig you up”; I mean, they couldn’t have predicted that, which made it so obvious (now looking back) that they planned Raquel to be a hindrance, rather than something actually going wrong causing a genuine, unplanned, improvised reaction (...not to mention --- let her climb the motherfucking tree, you cowards!!!!!) Nah, but seriously, it looked as if the only thing that Sergio calculated was that she would be a hindrance lmaooo 

So, the million dollar question; why not keep them locked up in that abandoned warehouse whilst Marsella flies from one city to another confusing the police? Because the implications of Sergio happily doing all the shit from his secret non moving base in Madrid, are that the police aren’t able to track him. At all. Despite still negotiating? Even without having Marsella cycling around all the time. Also despite having constant gatherings of Serbian, I assume, criminals, mafia.... Imagine if the police is tracking one of the people Sergio hires anyhow, for like, idk drug trafficking- and they break into Sergio’s hide out thinking they’ve managed to find some drug den.... but to their disappointment it’s just Sergio lmao

The point being, I think they wanted to write it for action rather than plot. Having Raquel and Sergio back in a s1&2 type set up, could possibly be seen as repetitive, viewer wise.... WHich I think is just laziness; they’d have to write some conflict scenes, delve into more detail. We only got, what, one, two scenes of Raquel and Sergio both negotiating.... wouldn’t it have been more fun to continue this? Have Alicia slide in more and more personal details of Raquel’s life; legit doing her tent interview with Raquel over the phone? Imagine her calling him a nut job, saying something like, “he could’ve been trying to kill your family for all you know...” and Raquel just rolling her eyes and hanging up ---- to see a very very distressed Sergio lmaooo 

I know they’re the lead couple but let’s not be afraid of well written conflict, for the sake of sorting some shit out -- I love them, but for the sake of poor Raquel, let them be together as they are, not as what they think they are. Let’s forget about the glory for a second. In s1&2 everyone loved them because they were able to overcome the fact that they’re on different sides; this time, instead of writing them as madly in love, let’s take a step to tackle them as characters who make their bond stronger by accepting their weaknesses ~ give Sergio his ‘Imma kill this old woman and man who just woke up from a coma to make sure they don’t fuck up the plan’ attitude back; Gandia should be dead! The rule was ‘no killing of innocent kids so the public opinion doesn’t push the police to enter’, not ‘let’s not kill this guy who is a government trained assassin so amnesty international considers me as their next president’ lmaooo PLS let them be themselves, and MAKE them deal with them ‘being themselves’. Raquel is the goodie goodie and Sergio is the wanna be goodie goodie - or goodie for the show - Make him make some radical decisions; make Raquel question them; MAKE her be his voice of reason. (like in s3, when she questioned the Rio/Tokyo thing; that one argument was as far as they were willing to take it, but at least they tried). Make an interesting conflict by making Alicia try to prove to Raquel, that Sergio is who he is, and Sergio not doing anything in his favour to prove the contrary. Make Raquel realise that there is a lot of truth in what Alicia is saying; if she is going to love him, it should depend on her making this informed decision of loving him as he is. 

Instead of one big argument, gradually build it up. It seemed like they wanted to shove everything into that scene; little by little, and lets not get them all so upset and shout some dramatic lines at each other ya know. Instead of the “I thought we were in love...” -- my wonderful negotiator wouldn't go there omg, let her @@@@ himmm; “shut the fuck up, you ain’t gonna get anywhere with those umbrella statements, because tell me again, what did you beat me at?”, “Didn’t tell me to come along??? Well, you didn’t fucking stop me either.”, “Now, we’ve reached the conclusion that I beat you and you didn’t give enough of a shit about me to stop me from coming as vengeance was so much more important you didn’t think you could lose your new family; go the fuck back in and tell Tokyo to not fucking do that to the boy.” LETS NOT BE AFRAID OF MAKING SERGIO THE BAD GUY AND HAVE RAQUEL PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE. Like she put the people in the police tent in their place, a countless amount of times, especially in terms of her ex etc. The “you’re my first love” thing was cute, but it seemed like throwing words at the wind and turning the issue around; “you’re right, I’m sorry, I was so obsessed thinking about my brother I didn’t realise how much I was hurting you, you’re right about the whole Tokyo thing too” etc..... constructive relationship building; apologising for the actual thing, rather than avoiding a conversation about it and blaming ones behavior on ‘being new to the situation’ (that’s a red flag, no? A lil.....) character progress, still having fierce Raquel who isn’t just gonna let Sergio put her down like that, considering she is risking her life for him, meaning she ought to get some say........

Because the lines Alicia says have a lot of truth in them, especially for an audience who is aware of everything; Raquel denying them or saying some stupid comments really makes her seem idk sometimes even stupid. Like babe, he was going to kill your mother and best friend and now he is risking your life, shut the fuck up. Of course, it is not in bad intention, but Sergio’s manner of loving is a very selfish one. Let her acknowledge this. Don’t be afraid of writing her as a strong character who isn’t afraid of loving someone despite their flaws, because deep down she knows he loves her, and it’s okay for it not to be perfect. Because not allowing her to see this, makes her seem like she is so blindly in love with him; it really fucks up the characterisation. 

... because without this, she is stripped of her very strong characterisation, and simply reduced to a love interest. But the show seems so be so fucking in love with the professor they are afraid to give him this edge he had before. Because sorting Raquel’s character out would require them to write Sergio as the maniac obsessed with his plan rather than the next president of Amnesty International lmao  

I had another three paragraphs about the plan etc. but imma put them in a different ask, so enjoy this wonderful Milan Kundera quote instead; 

“Love is by definition an unmerited gift; being loved without meriting it is the very proof of real love. If a woman tells me: I love you because you're intelligent, because you're decent, because you buy me gifts, because you don't chase women, because you do the dishes, then I'm disappointed; such love seems a rather self-interested business. How much finer it is to hear: I'm crazy about you even though you're neither intelligent nor decent, even though you're a liar, an egotist, a bastard.”

[blake-belladonna-defence-force]

Ember/Shroud

Okay. I decided to try my hand at an au. Does it even exist yet?

It was mostly born from wanting a more serious reason as to why Blake was scared of dogs. I kind of feel bad.

I’m just going to call it “Emotional Support Soul AU” for now. Is this something people would like to see more of? Is it even a good au? Eh, it was a fun writing exercise at any rate.

Things to note:

Adam (abusive ex) is in jail.

Blake has come a long way but has residual trauma and depression

COMMUNICATION ISSUES

Yang does have a moment of being a lil forgetful and maybe a touch insensitive but she tries to make it better

Blake and Yang were roommates in college who decided to move in together

This is mostly because of Blake’s cat

They don’t know why but being too far apart physically hurts

So oblivious

Adam probably ran a dog fight ring or trained them to attack humans because he’s a goat lookin ass

Faunas are a thing

Set in Vale

Apparently soul pets or bonded animals or whatever are things here

The animal you were always meant to own/your guardian

Even more special if it’s your soulmates pet and it adopts you

Having your soulmates bonded animal approve of you is the highest complement

Both animals getting along and approving of each human in the relationship is rare and usually means they’re soulmates or something

They will often act as wingmen

It’s how Blake and Yang truly bonded as friends

Ember is a stray that Blake rescued as a kitten. When she finds out Yang is her cat’s bonded human, she’s surprised because: blonde party girl. She tried to keep Ember; does not go well.

Yang tried to keep Ember; does not go well

She refused to leave Blake but demanded that her bonded human stay

Even the cat ships them

————————————————————

“…Yang. What is that.”

“It’s a dog, Blake. Ya know, canine? Canis Familaris?”

“I know what a dog is, Xiao Long. I want to know why it’s in our fucking apartment.”

Uh oh. This was bad. Very bad. When Blake was mad she yelled. It was a part of her passionate nature; an injustice is done and Blake will have your head. But it was when she got quiet and spoke in that dangerously low tone of voice that you should probably start backing up. And never mention that’s she’s actually really pretty when she’s mad. Additionally, she was swearing and Blake only really swore when she was really pissed off. And apparently bringing home a Newfoundland equaled really pissed off the cat faunus.

“She needed a home. The poor baby was all alone, isn’t that right, Shroud?” Yang cooed adoringly at the friendly giant laying in front of their sofa.

“That is not a baby. That is a monster that I am sure will probably kill my cat.” Shroud whined and laid her head down, the dog almost seemed hurt. What am I supposed to do about Ember, Yang?!” Almost as on cue, a slender ginger tabby slunk her way into the living room. The cat immediately trotted over to Yang, headbutting her ankles fondly, completely ignoring her actual owner altogether. Before Yang could bend down to let the cat sniff her hands, Ember locked onto Shroud. She slowly walked over sniffed the giant nose that was presented to her. What truly surprised the two girls, however, was when Ember butted her head under the giant dog’s jaw before curling up against the dogs stomach and glancing at them as if to say “this is my bed now”.

“Ember, you traiter. I saved you from the streets when you were a kitten. I raised you and loved you like my own and this is how you repay me?!” Yang wished that she could say that Blake was joking but the cat faunus could be quite… extra when she wanted to be. To say the least; she was not pleased.

Yang walked over and scooped Ember up, not without complaint, and held her out to Blake.

“Aw, c’mon mum. Can we keep her? I’ve only just met her and I love her!” She pitched her voice, wiggling Ember around as though the cat were talking. This resulted in a bitten hand and a very disgruntled cat.

“You earned that. I pay half the rent, Yang. Couldn’t you have spoken to me about this first? You know how I feel about dogs.”

“Yeah, well, that’s kind of why I didn’t.”

“So you decided to ignore how I felt and go behind my back?” Yang winced. When you put it like that…

“Look, I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you but my old high school buddy needed her gone ASAP. I couldn’t just leave her.” Yang made sure to look her friend in the eyes. She’d learned a long time ago that eye contact was important to the other woman and Yang always tried to make sure that she knew that she had Yang’s attention.

Blake didn’t say anything for a long while.

“Fine. Whatever.” She muttered, faunus ears pinned against her head, before turning on her heel and heading to her room. Yang cringed as she heard Blake’s door slam. Their uni days had taught her when to push and pull and when to back off. This was very much a back off situation. Even if she found it hard to understand why somebody would be so deadset against a dog.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Hours later, she was laying on the floor cuddling with both cat and dog when she heard Blake walk into the kitchen. She immediately headed over and stopped short. She knew Blake. She knew what she looked like when she was ecstatic, what she looked look when she was about to kick somebody’s ass.

Yang also knew what it looked like when one of her friend’s depressive episodes were kicking in. So the sight of a drained, red eyed and shuffling Blake was not new to her. It always broke her heart to see one of the most amazing, incredible people she’s ever met hurt like this. But to know that she was the potential cause…

“Blake?” Yang had never sounded, or felt, so small. Blake breathed deeply for a moment before turning to Yang.

“He used to keep dogs. Trained them to bite and attack. I don’t exactly have pleasant memories of them.” When Blake spoke, carefully holding her hip as it ached, it hit her hard. Of course, that was in the police report when they finally managed to get Blake’s ex away from her for good. Why the hell didn’t she put two and two together?!

“Shit, Blake. I am so sorry. I don’t know why I didn’t- it doesn’t matter. I obviously hurt you and I am so, so sorry.” Yang was close to tears herself at this point. She had seen how that man had broken her friend. Watched as Blake pulled herself from the shadows and stood tall and continued to repeat that process every single time he knocked her down. Now that she was finally free of him, she could be who she was meant to be. But that didn’t mean that he didn’t still haunt her. It hurt to see the pain in the other girl’s eyes but she kept eye contact. “I’ll find her a new home as soon as possible, I swear.”

Maybe that would have been it. Maybe she would have rehomed Shroud and they would have been done with it. But the canine in question suddenly walked into the kitchen and made her way to Blake.

“Just stay still, Blake. It’s okay, I won’t let her hurt you. I promise.” Blake was frozen but before Yang could grab her, Shroud sat at Blake’s feet and stared up at her. Yang paused. It was eerily similar to how Ember had decided that Yang was her bonded person. Blake’s breathing started to even out as she gazed at Shroud, who then proceeded to flip over onto her back and wiggle, tongue and jowls flopping comically.

“Hi?” Blake’s uncertainty would have been adorable had it not been for the situation. As the dog shifted, so too did Blake, her gaze becoming more curious than fearful. There was a patch of white on the dog’s black chest, seeming to form the shape of some kind of flower. “I think the fates are fucking with me.” Blake mumbled. “Because that is a Belladonna plant.”

Yang blinked. Blake met her gaze and before too long, the two women were giggling. Perhaps it was the fact that tensions were running high or perhaps Shroud had somehow known how to break the ice with Blake. Because when Blake spoke next, she left Yang surprised.

“Keep her.” Blake inhales shakily. “But please, for the love of God; train her properly. I can’t live like that again, Yang.” Yang immediately nodded and then, unable to help herself, ran over to hug Blake.

Only to be blocked by a large furry body. Shroud wasn’t growling, merely acting as a barrier. The dog had apparently thought that Yang was going to hurt Blake and was already trying to defend her. Wasn’t there a meme online about that? “I’ve only had Blake for one day but if anything happened to her, I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself.” Evidently, that was what was going on here. Not that Yang could blame the dog. Bonded animals did tend to be extremely protective of their person, if that’s what this was.

“Uh, Blake? I think that you have a body guard now.”

“Oh.” There was a light sniffle as the emotions of the past few hours crashed over Blake. “I think that that’s fair since you stole my cat.” Yang snorted, side stepping around Shroud carefully before wrapping Blake up in a hug.

“Not my fault she’s my soul pet or whatever the hell they’re called.” Yang defended herself. “I can’t believe that I’m going to need to ask a dog for permission to hug you.” Blake giggled weakly, burying her head into Yang’s neck.

“Just… lets take it slow, yeah? I’m not going to become a dog person over night. Even if she is my bonded animal.” Yang hummed. Well, that confirmed it. Most people could tell once eye contact is made. They felt a sort of unspoken promise; the creature would protect their sworn master, so to speak. The bonded animal would then act as a sort of body guard. It was useful many years ago but now it was more about them being glorified emotional support companions. Sometimes the matchups were odd. Yang had honestly beloved hers would be a golden retriever, not her best friend’s cat. And apparently Blake’s bonded animal was her best friend’s dog, despite the fear that she held for them.

Maybe Blake would never love dogs. But Shroud could at least be one dog that Blake could at least be comfortable with. After all, people were usually gifted the animal that they needed the most.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

It was a late afternoon when Yang realised she had been right. It had taken weeks, even months worth of training and slow progress between the two but eventually, Yang was forced to admit that Shroud was meant to never hers. Just like Ember was never meant to Blake’s.

She had just come home from work and had called out to Blake when she heard distant singing coming from the kitchen. Rounding the corner revealed a very surprising sight. One that made Yang melt.

Shroud had her paws on Blake’s shoulder as the young woman danced them around the kitchen singing along to the radio. Those gym sessions were really starting to pay off for Blake.

“You could be my Queen, I could be your dream. Oh, let me be your bumblebee.” Blake giggled as Shroud barked at her. It was a sign of how far they had come considering that she used to flinch at such. “Yang loves this song. Now that I mention her...I think that you might be a much better dancer than your mother, Shroud. Even if she doesn’t quite realise that staring is rude.”

Yang blinked. She’d been caught.

“Sorry, I’m just stupidly proud of you. So proud, in fact, that I’m going to ignore that jab at my awesome dancing abilities and my pride.” Yang glanced down at Shroud, who had dropped to all fours. “You going to say hi, girl, or are you just going to abandon me for a pretty lady?” Shroud almost seemed to glare at her before looking up at Blake who nodded solemnly in return. Yang let out more than a few grumbles about traitorous mutts and reached out to pet Shroud. Until she noticed an envelope in the dog’s collar. She rolled her eyes; they had taken to using the poor dog as a messenger, after all. Opening the letter revealed a reservation for one of the new high end restaurants in Vale. She looked up at Blake in confusion.

“It’s that new faunus cuisine place I told you about. You’re free Friday at six, yeah?” Blake was smirking and leaning up against the bench.

“Um, yes, why?”

“Because if you won’t make the first move beyond telling me I’m “feisty” and “pretty when I’m mad”, then I will.” Blake narrowed her eyes. “Don’t think that I haven’t noticed, Yang.”

“Oh. Am I that obvious?” Yang swallowed nervously.

“Yes. Also your sister and her “BFF” talked to me and have me informed to, and I quote, ‘take your pining, queer ass out before Weiss kills somebody.” I’m still not sure if Weiss wants me to date you or snipe you.” Yang felt her eye twitch. Those two...

“I mean, I’m more than happy to go on date with you and all, Blake, but I kind of want to kill them, now.”

“Want to pretend like nothing’s happened and mess with them for a couple of weeks?”

“How the hell are you so perfect?” Blake simply laughed and walked out of the kitchen with Shroud in tow.

“And of course the stupid dog follows her.” Feeling a bump against her ankles, Yang looked down. Seeing Ember, Yang quickly bent to hold her up to her face.

“But as long she keeps smiling, she can keep stealing from me. I mean, your mum already has my heart and soul, what else could I possibly lose?” She asked the cat quietly. Ember purred, apparently content with the results of her meddling from way back when. Yang smiled. It always made it a little more special when your bonded animal approved of your partner. If she was being honest with herself, so she was on cloud nine. Well, up until she heard Blake’s voice float down the hall.

“I heard that. Oh, you are so never living that one down, Yang!”

[thedeaditeslayer]

INTERVIEW: The creative team behind DEATH TO THE ARMY OF DARKNESS chats about making multiple Ashes.

Ash Williams is a larger-than-life character, but is the world ready for more than one of him? Readers are going to find out in Death to the Army of Darkness #1 from Dynamite Comics. Taking place just after the Army of Darkness movie, a bad translation of the Necronomicon is at the heart of the problem, leading to versions of Ash such as the female Ashley Williams, the erratic Lil’ Ash, Dash aka Doggie Ash, Skeleton Ash, and Chainy, Ash’s now sentient chainsaw.

At the helm are writer Ryan Parrott (Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Batman: Gates of Gotham) and artist Jacob Edgar (Savage Tales: Red Sonja), with colorist Kike J. Diaz (Sherlock Frankenstein, Ether) and letterer Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou (Red Sonja, Peter Cannon: Thunderbolt) completing the creative team.

The Beat chatted with Parrott and Edgar about the upcoming comedy-horror book.

Deanna Destito: What inspired the premise of this new series?

Ryan Parrott: My editor, Nathan Cosby, actually called me up one day. He’d read some of my work on Power Rangers and was tossing around the idea of doing a “Team Ash” book. Ash is such an iconic character and I loved the idea of trying to surround him with his own team of misfits. At first, we talked about it being Ashes from other realities, but we realized there was already a precedent set for clones and dopplegangers with “Evil Ash” from “Army of Darkness.” And character-wise, we started to really gravitate toward forcing Ash to come face-to-face with different parts of his own personality and it slowly started turning into a story about responsibility and what it means to be “The Chosen One.”

Destito: How big of an Army of Darkness fan are you?

Parrott: Have I read Bruce Campbell’s autobiography If Chins Could Kill? Yes, I have. Have I been playing exclusively with “Ash” for over a year on the horror game, Dead By Daylight? Yes, I have. I actually saw the trilogy backwards in college because of a friend and, I will argue that to this day, there is no better horror hero than “Ash.” Being able to put words in his mouth and add a brick to the legacy wall of a character I love is an insane pleasure.

Jacob Edgar: I came to it late. Right when I took on this project, if I’m being honest. I’ve been familiar with the franchise for a long time, I had seen a lot of Bruce Campbell’s other work (can we do a Brisco County Jr comic next??) but not Evil Dead and Army of Darkness. So immediately after signing on I got to dive in and binge the movies, the Starz show…it’s been a blast. I don’t have the history with it that Ryan does, but I loved it immediately.

Destito: Where does this fall in the mythology and can new fans jump in easily?

Parrott: My approach to nearly every comic series is to try and make it accessible to both hardcore and casual fans alike. And since you can’t guarantee everyone has seen every movie or read every comic series beforehand, I built this story so a person could pick up the first issue only knowing that Ash was the hero of Army of Darkness. Now, since I’m also a fan, there are definitely elements and Easter Eggs for people who are paying attention… but this one is its own story that simply takes place in the world of Army of Darkness.

Destito: Do you find it easier or harder to illustrate something so well known and played by such a distinct, animated actor like Bruce Campbell?

Edgar: I think it’s easier in a lot of ways. Ash as a character is already built for me, that work is done. I know what he wears, I know what he drives, I know what kind of guy he is which informs set design and character acting. I love Bruce Campbell, and I love how expressive Ash is. That’s definitely something I’m trying to translate into our book.

Destito: What was your process for designing each Ash?

Edgar: For Ash himself, I wasn’t ever interested in trying to make a realistic depiction of Bruce Campbell. I don’t think my style lends to that, but also…you really have to nail that EVERY panel, or the panels that are off are going to take the reader out of it. The other thing I wanted to be conscious of was not exaggerating his chin too much, or his build. I think that’s a pitfall sometimes. Ash is fairly fit, but he’s not Batman.

When it came to Ashley, I really wanted her to have a unique look of her own. Reminiscent of Ash, but with some twists. And those twists were never going to be cleavage and booty shorts, which is another pitfall for something like this. Ashley is probably the most tactical and dangerous of the bunch, that’s what needed to come across.

The others are pretty straightforward. Dash is a Boxer dog and we gave him a blue bandana to echo Ash’s shirts. Bones is based on that famous Evil Dead 2 poster, the skeleton with eyes. But I’m getting to add costuming to him in issue #2, which is making him much more fun (and easier to draw!). Then we’ve got Lil Ash who is an exaggerated and extra crazy version of the Ash gremlins from Army of Darkness. I hope readers will love all these weirdos as much as we do.

Destito: How has it been working with the creative team to bring the series to life?

Edgar: This has been especially fun for me because it’s my first time doing multiple issues of something. Ryan’s scripts are a blast to draw and Kike is going to be a superstar colorist, I love the energy he’s bringing. Hassan is one of the best letterers around and I just hope I don’t make his job harder than it has to be. Nate’s been my editor since 2017 and he always gets the best out of everyone, we’re in great hands.

Destito: Of the Ashes, which clone is your favorite?

Parrott: Oh man. I have to tell you which one of my kids is the favorite? This won’t come back to bite me. Oddly enough, it has kinda depended on which issue I’m writing. In the second issue, it was Ashley, Ash’s feminine side because I loved that she wasn’t afraid to call Ash on his tricks. In the third issue, it was Dash, the dog version of Ash, because he started to become the leader, but in the fourth, it became Bones, the walking Skeleton version of Ash, because I started to realize just how in over his head he felt, and that was fun to write. Maybe that’s me dodging your question… but I like the voices of all the characters, it feels almost unfair to choose.

Edgar: At first I was telling everyone Dash, the dog. Because dogs are always best. But I’m really starting to love Bones, the cowardly skeleton. His character is so different from everyone and everything else, he’s really fun to play with.

Destito: What can fans expect in future issues?

Parrott: I think if you love Army of Darkness as much as I do, well… I tried to put in all the hallmarks of the series: Action, adventure, horror and humor. We’ll have Deadite possessions and chainsaw decapitations, and it wouldn’t be complete without a little time travel. For hardcore fans, we’ll get into some of the reasons behind the creation of the Necronomicon Ex Mortis and even the philosophy behind the Deadites themselves. Hopefully, if people like it… this will be the first step into some epic mythological Army of Darkness storytelling, because… we have plans… but if not, I hope people will be happy with a lot of blood, guts and boomsticks.

Death to the Army of Darkness #1 can be preordered at your local comic shop this month. The issue hits shelves in February. For digital, head over to Comixology, Kindle, iBooks, Google Play, Dynamite Digital, ComicsPlus, and more.

[izzyovercoffee]

Prompt number: 15. “That’s what I’m talking about!” Fandom: Fallout 3 Rating: T Warnings/Tags: uhh violence appropriate to the capital wasteland, ask to tag Summary: Six was supposed to hang out, wait, and not attract attention. And then some kid had to come screaming over the horizon. Notes: Once more shout out to @thelightreturns for allowing me to write about Livia, this bad place universe’s Lone Wanderer.

##. the seven thing was just a coincidence though

  Wind rolled across the dusty plains of the Capital Wasteland, kicking up dust and dirt and sand as it cut through the open dead lands. Megaton’s towering metal walls glinted in the midday light, hampered only by the high winds and the occasional dust devil breaking line of sight. 

She’d been waiting for just under a day, and the itch to move started to get a little too… intense for Six’s liking. The deadline was in a half hour, and then she’d have to leave---to the next rendez-vous, and hope the bastard was there, waiting for her with an apology.

He owed her one, for the worry. 

But as she thought about the next chew-out she meant to give him, some movement over the horizon caught her eye. Hard to tell, with the way she was situated in the arms of an old undead tree, but it looked like…

Like a person. In bright blue. 

A vault suit. 

She lifted the goggles up to her eyes to peer through, and sure enough---there they were on the horizon. Running, full tilt, in her direction, with bright yellow 101 plastered and broken in two on either side of a leather jacket’s lapels. 

“Aw, fuck,” Six said, and dropped the goggles. They fell against her chest, the chord around her neck keeping them safe to her, as she pulled up her hunting rifle and peered down the scope. 

Bright blond hair in thick plaits bounced around the vault dwellers head as they ran. And, behind them�� a pack of mutated… things over the horizon. Six hesitated identifying them as dogs, because they certainly didn’t look like it, but they ran on four legs and her brain didn’t come up with a better word than not-dogs. 

“Fuck,” Six said, again. She was supposed to stay put, stay quiet, and out of sight. Instead, she got a… the vault dweller down her scope looked little older than the kids Six had left behind when she got too old and too big for the caves. 

Her heart couldn’t take waiting. 

The rifle jumped in her shoulder, and even from that distance Six could hear the resulting squeal of the mutated not-dog as blood flew everywhere. The vault-dweller stumbled, but kept running, their rifle between their hands. Either they were out of bullets, or the thing jammed, or they didn’t know how to use it---but Six honestly had yet to meet an ex-vaultie that didn’t know how to use a damn gun. 

Six’s answer came in the next second as they readied up another shot, and watched as the vaultie skid across the broken dry earth, and swing the rifle like a club, or a bat, and crack open the head of the closest not-dog. That made two, of five.

The rifle jumped in Six’s hands and a third went down. Vaultie barely dodged the fourth, its claws and spit-flying jaw snapping on empty just shy of the jacket. Six readied again, and breathed. Then shot.

Missed. But it scared the fourth not-dog, and it paused in its running---just long enough for the vaultie to put distance between themself and the last two. 

Running straight toward the tree Six occupied. 

“Well, fuck it, I guess,” she said, and patted the knife at her calf for comfort before she readied up another shot.

And… bang. Fifth not-dog down, though the fourth gained ground on the Vaultie. 

Close… too close for the rifle. Six slung it crosswise over her back, and as the Vault dweller reached the tree, Six pulled the dagger free---

And dropped out of the tree, directly onto the not-dog below. 

Another squeal. Another scream. Hot blood, viscous and clotted and smelling like death, spilled everywhere. 

On the one hand---hell yeah. On the other---fuck her.

“Ah, fuck,” Six cursed as she rose, and kicked the dead thing to the side. “It’s gonna take me a fuckin’ week to get this out.” 

She looked up, to the Vaultie on the ground---looking like they just climbed out of hell themself. Sweating, pale as a skeleton, panting like they can’t get enough air in, or out, eyes bloodshot---but Six couldn’t tell if it was from dehydration, or crying. 

“Y’alright?” Six asked. “Y’need some water?” 

The Vaultie just nodded, the only thing propping them up was the tree behind them. Six reached down and plucked the … blood-covered canteen at her side, and tried wiping some of the blood off with her gloved palms. It didn’t work so well, but she tried.

No one could say she didn’t try. 

She handed it over. The Vaultie didn’t seem all that disturbed by the sight or smell, and drank the water down, greedy. 

A minute passed at Six surveyed the landscape. Still no sign of that asshole, either. 

“Thank…” the Vaultie started, swallowed, and tried again---voice hoarse as hell. “Thank you, tree person.”

“I ain’t a tree person,” Six snapped, and then sighed at the way the Vaultie shrank. “Some weird shit out here, though, so I don’t blame you for gettin’ mistaken.”

They tried to hand back the cantina, and Six waved it away. “Keep it. Y’need it more’n I do right now, 101.”

“Olivia,” the vault dweller said. “Don’t call me 101.” 

Six knelt down in front of ‘Olivia,’ a comfortable and safe distance away so as not to spook her---or get the smell anywhere near her. 

“It normal for you to attract packs of rabid… whatever-they-are?” 

The girl---because up close, she really looked like a little girl, smaller than even Six was before she left the caves---frowned at her. 

“No,” she said. “That was… that was an accident.” 

Six sucked air between her teeth and looked around. “A’ight…” 

The pip-boy at Six’s wrist beeped. She lifted it up, and tried to keep a straight face---but it was hard not to look as mad as she felt, when she saw the time she needed to leave come and gone in a handful of seconds. Sure. she could feel worry in there, deep down, if she wanted to---but she’d save that worry after the next rendez-vous.

Things always tended to go wrong the first time around for John, but she could always count on him to meet at the second point. Was just a matter of getting there. 

“Where you headed, kid?” Six asked. 

“Livia,” she corrected her, again. “And… why do you want to know?”

“That’s a good question. Y’shouldn’t trust me.” Six slowly pushed up off her heels to stand up. “But y’did drink all my water, so y’got a lot to learn.”

The vaultie’s red eyes widened as she looked at the canteen, but Six laughed. 

“No, no, don’t worry. The water’s clean. Maybe ‘lil irradiated, but what ain’t, out here?” 

The girl still frowned, and Six quieted. 

“Anyway,” Six said, “I’m headed to Rivet City. If we’re headed in the same direction, I’ll walk with ya.” 

“I…” Livia hesitated. “I don’t know about that.”

“Livia,” Six said, “If I wanted to hurt you, I’d’a left you to the dogs.” 

“I don’t think those were dogs,” she said. 

“Yeah…” Six looked back at the dead body on the ground, with the hilt of her dagger sticking out of it. She didn’t really want that, anymore. She needed a new one, anyway. “I was callin’ them not-dogs in my head, but that ain’t all that elegant.”

A soft snort from the vaultie against the tree had Six smiling despite herself. 

“Not-dogs?” Livia asked. “Really?”

“Hey,” Six said, faux offense in her tone, “You don’t see me makin’ fun of you usin’ your rifle like a bat. Let me call a thing a thing.” 

This time Livia actually snort-laughed, and Six felt a tiny jab in the heart at the reminder of the family she left behind. 

Maybe she’d get a chance to stop by Little Lamplight, sometime soon. See what that little asshole MacCready was up to. 

“But seriously ki---Livia. You good to walk on your own?” 

The girl looked up at her, and then down at the canteen, and then back up at Six. 

“I’m going to Rivet, too,” she said. “But if you try anything funny, I’ll kill you.”

“Fair deal,” Six said with a half-smile. “I’ll try to keep the punny business to a minimum.”

Livia’s eyes widened, and she looked like she struggled to think---but then gave up. “Damn you,” she said, “I’m too dehydrated for puns.”

“Water you talkin’ about?” Six said. “I canteen’k of at least seven more.”

“I hate you,” Livia laughed, and held out a hand. “Can you help me up?” 

Six reached over, and clasped hands with her to pull her up. 

"The name's Six, by the way," she said. "I'll tell you the story another time."

Livia groaned. "So are you saying the seven more was a joke about that, too?"

"It is now," Six said, and laughed.

[elizabethrobertajones]

13x02 watching notes

i'm on a train. choo choo.

expectations: helpfully wrote them out last time for the season as a whole which this ep is introducing all the plot stuff for since last episode advanced the plot a single day of angst, but this episode especially has a few SUPER low bars to pass. Last time out BL failed spectacularly to not kill Eileen. now we have "don't assault mary, over-sexualise the day old guy, or flub introing the new characters, or reintroducing the returning ones"

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our train was like 10 minutes late out the station because there was no driver. is this a metaphor.

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i also had to eat krispy kreme doughnuts before I could dig into the episode.

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oh jeeze Drexel survived season 12... no one really has a fanclub for the random minions, probably because around Simmons we realised there was no point getting attached. and he was in some of the worst scenes of last season just because of the context. which is a shame. also he's a lucifer fan and that's not really a worthwhile position. anyway hope springs eternal that colonel sanders is such a charismatic character he makes the demon scenes worth watching... and Drexel gets to be interesting. And stop saying lines like 'make hell great again' which is so not a good thing to put in his mouth - at least the other demons who were going around saying it it was the white demon who said it and got the stink eye from the other demon.

One of the other demons says "can you even hear yourself" but idk if BL would crit their own writing unlike competent writers whose first port of call is stressing that they are bad writers and mock their corny dialogue

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this also raises the semi perpetual question since season 11 that if Crowley's throne room is here why would any of the pretenders to the throne even want it. they seriously need to justify it. We know devil's gates are a pain and not usually open so smuggling minions out to work topside is an issue but there are other workarounds than establishing a campy hell set that's not even in hell, then getting confused about if it's hell or not, and never really explaining why Lucifer would stick around in it except for the fact Crowley is really good at setting up a system and it would be a shame not to use the pre-established set up.

but eh

I really sincerely hope Asmodeus is just here because Crowley's ex-minions are here and will relocate post-haste to his plantation.

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He hung up his coat. Drexel survived though. I guess being a named character has its perks. the sun shone in my eyes the entire time so i was quite amused when the train turned a bit and i saw demons dropping with burned out eyes, angel-style. like Dagon being super duper powerful, I guess they're giving him extra powers - because this is just a few steps up from how Sam was exploding demons with his head at one point and he got his powers from a YED... though in 5x10 when Lucifer killed all those demons he also didn't burn the eyes out. it's probs a stylistic choice. in character and out.

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Nougat!!! he's so cute. he's sleeping at an angle to be behind Sam in the convo. The camera points at Sam from the dash and at Dean from Sam's POV, and Jack is in his background. methinks this is about Sam.

He's trying to make Dean sleep and calling out how he hasn't had any, which is nice because I was worried about that earlier.

Dean is calling Jack "it" which I think was in some people's pre-season fic, or else if it weren't it was in the one i didn't write :P Blatant convo is blatant but does at least have an actual honest to god lead into the next scene via the mom is dead conversation. Again we get the super zoom close up on sam being sad and questioning dean's thoughts. assert yourself, sammy! i believe in u

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(totally on your side too Dean but the sun is too bright to examine your micro expressions and the camera isn't favouring you anywho so you're a rewatch flavour today)

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Satan wants to trade Mary for Jack. Well if Dean knew he'd sell Jack for a corn chip anyway (is that Crowley's phrase from the original weird dog episode?) so that's just a great big victory. methinks the choice will fall on Sam or fall on Dean after he's had a chance to bond with Jack some more - that's the other side to the tension about Dean liking jack that i was talking about earlier whensomeone asked me why everyone wants dean to adopt jack.

ideally mary saves herself or it never comes to it but for now i'll assume whatever else happens between here and there, some version of this plan will at least be floated, even if it's random circumstances and not lucifer's hand any more or something

makes sense anyway to tie mary back into the main arc in a way like how she mirrored cas the entire time last season - if her fate and jack's are connected even tenuously it gives her a connect back into the main thing

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oh good the woman next to me has finished her dangerously over-full cup of Pimms because I was terrified it would be bye bye laptop

nnnoooo as I type she refilled it

the train is swaying back and forth so much

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anyway Mary asks Lucifer why he wants to be a parent and he hints several times in a row that he has hidden depths without actually showing any of them. i don't want him to have a redemption anyway and i really super duper don't want him to have one written entirely by BL

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Colonel Sanders continues to try and liven up the story while giving us surface level exposition

I'll be honest, 'write that down' is the first good line... must be whichever of BL is quippy currently writing. I think they just introduced a monster taht lucifer is scared of but I couldn't catch what it was and for some reason another demon is listening in so is he getting ideas? I mean why to what end? also what exactly was the thing that was locked up because it sounded like a cut price Leviathan expo dump but obvs not that because a leviathan would eat Lucifer

i mean i don't think we pay enough attention to the fact that dick roman would just gobble lucifer up and end of story. bring back dick.

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*Pimms lady sways dangerously close to my laptop*

I think Sam accused Dean of hallucinating "shit" on the road because it's too noisy to hear him say "sheep". I just assume that is what he actually said in the non-censored version

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pls drink your Pimms fast enough to end this danger but not so fast you're sloshed and throw it on my laptop before it's all gone

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Cashing in on that new Scooby Doo partnership! Some bank like Halifax is currently using Scooby Doo to sell stuff so I see that dog on telly all the time and the fact they exist in the same fictional universe as Sam and Dean is kiiiilling me. I think we have all been assuming Jack takes us to Scooby World so plonking him in front of the telly to watch some is how it all begins. Dean, like every fan fic between 13x01 and now hates Jack unreservedly for having childlike enthusiasm about the telly because Cas used to do that, while (semi)unaware that Jack is mirroring HIMSELF from 12x11 most closely right now. I think that's an interesting parallel I don't know how much work has gone into but pls poke me to write about Jack's 1 day old child-like wonder compared to sweetie pie no memory Dean if no one else has done it because they're essentially the same character from completely different angles, and we're about to hit Jack mirroring Dean excessively.

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Me: don't excessively sexualise the kid

BL: "here read a book" *chucks the Bible at him* *he opens it to the Song of Solomon* We're NOT having this chat right now.

I suppose some people just meta-gasmed all over this. I don't know much about the Bible but I do know that's the sexy bit.

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the "I can take the couch" conversation probably put the exact same thought process in Jack's head as mine when my very lanky brother looked at the lil brick hard bed set up in the corner of our hotel while we were stranded in Glasgow, and looked at me, princess and the pea-syndrome sufferer, and nobly offered to take a bed that *my* feet stuck 3 inches over.

No.

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Thanks but no.

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aw man we're only at Carlisle.

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It's the promo scene as well, which mostly just drove home how much Jack is mirroring Dean... We've had basically no character interaction in the missing day, although we can assume it's mostly gone like this... Dean annoyed, Sam forgiving Jack for being adorable, and Jack being adorable. He's getting better at sarcasm as well, which can't be making Dean feel any better about him.

And that means that the "Castiel is my father" revelation happened off-screen and we're not being given any room for a reaction about it, which is the most annoying part of this. I knew 13x01 was an anomaly and going into a BL ep so soon after would deprive us of some of the emotional depth, but it's like having a bucket of cold water dumped on us :P

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I think Dean's 'sometimes' about family being good is going to be a criminally underrated line and I don't even know if I can bring myself to remember it all the time in discussions about how Dean feels about family going forwards but this is a note that i heard him say it and acknowledged it means he has some issues with blood family ongoing.

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Jack being adorably human blah blah, Dean aggravates the issue by being really mean about insisting Lucifer is his father and asking if he reached out to Jack and now Jack's remembering him doing that. Hey leave the kid alone, Dean, his blank slate was slightly messed up by waning to be like Cas which is obviously an excellent exemption to  having a blank slate.

Maybe there's a metaphor in him agitating the bad father sitation over here.

I don't know if Jack should have asked for clarification there so let's pretend there was a hesitation and a "Ca -" "*Lucifer.* Your father." exchange. Or something.

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And now Nougat is lying about emotional strife, like's been agitated into being a Winchester from his great blank slate

GAH Stop gesturing by the STILL FULL glass of Pimms

they keep topping it up and it's not good for my stress levels

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I think I just missed basically everything that happened because all I could see was my own reflection but then they were like *rising tension music* *scuffle* *donatello* so I assume he jumped out on them. Mental note to go back and see who was defensive of Jack and what he did.

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*casually mopping up my neighbour's Pimms as it splashes dangerously close to my laptop while listening to Donatello's exposition*

the good thing about BL episodes is that you can often just kinda chill and  listen to the exposition if it's just a chunk o dialogue and nothing offensive is going on so we're making progress through the ep

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*dean is super bitter about who does and doesn't have a direct line to god for some reason*

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Awww Sam says they're brothers and it's a family crest when he is saying Jack should get the tattoo <3

*completely* robbed of Dean's reaction

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WHY DID THEY NOT TELL JACK IT WOULD HURT

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I went to the loo and came back to them wiping Pimms off their phone

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Well Jack just completely put Dean in his place RE: pain, when he told him to man up about it and Jack was like right we accept pain as a sign of maturity... this is absolutely not what Dean meant but it is probably a healthier approach to it minus all the toxic masculinity

can we get to 13x03 and an ep written by Berens soon :P

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Jack accidentally absorbs his warding. Oops. I guess that angel warding was a WEE bit OTT I mean I'm no expert but that looks like a total pain to be dealing with all the time for the makeup department :P

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Also must have taken friggin ages

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I still don't get why Donnatello is here except to use as a chip in their arguments... Ah well. Dean arguing intent doesn't matter freaky powers are freaky powers because he's still pissed about what happened to Cas and can't see the much more basic thing that Jack didn't mean to get Cas killed and OBVIOUSLY didn't intend it if he was waiting for Cas to be there for him when he popped out of the womb. I think for all the random avenues this took in fandom this is probably about as deep as the show will go if this is how BL are spelling it all out for us... And the answer is all there on the page already but we're just using Dean as the alternate side of the argument to show his own character stuff going on where he can't deal with Jack because he's upset about Cas. And he was always more concerned about Cas than the philosophy of whatever else was going on

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Train going through the Lake District... I am enchanted. It's a grey day w/ very low clouds and water on the ground and all the trees are autumnal. Sue me, this is more interesting than Donatello being unhelpful. He backed up Sam's argument earlier w/ saying Lucifer felt toxic and Jack is somewhat more like his grandfather, but then once he starts talking he's like hurr blurr as a scientist nature wins and he's a monster and then Sam's like I thought you were on my side dude and then Dean angsts about Cas some more and calls Jack the devil and he decides he better start teleporting now because leave me alone not-dad and get off my case

I hope we see his wings. Dean asks in 13x01 if he had wings and equated it to teleporting and I suppose we don't know how demons do it but the assumption is if he's half-angel adn can teleport then he has wings

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Oh no it is KILLING me how Jack's thing is sitting cross legged. PROTECT HIM.

Sam finds him, thankfully, after the Sad Kelly Montage. There's a very Northern man behind me talking loudly on the phone so I'm gonna concentrate SUPER HARD now

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The hotel is called the Black Hat which I think is western coding for the bad guy. There was a house in the prairie art on the wall, and the single isolated house is how Jack came into the world... He's dealing with towns now.

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Exposition Mooose! Telling us Dean gets some wires crossed about getting angry whe nhe's frustrated and scared  like yes good expose dean for us some more... explaining him to jack is like hey so um he's an acquired taste... trying to make this about protecting everyone instead of pointing out the obvious that he blames jack for what happened to cas

Jack is a winchester because he's like maybe i'm not worth it

help

and them Sam brings up w/o knowing it was on jack's mind that kelly thought so but also is a blatant link to how they used dead!mary to guide their lives right up until she came back...

... and then so would Cas and so would I. Sam aligning himself with Jack's parents to show he has emotional guardianship of him right now

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has dean gone down to the bar because it's called th eblack spur and obvs not the same one but i'm like 100% sure that's the bar from 10x01 where he was hanging with Crowley and I'm not gonna fact check that. it's "black" again aka more nature stuff, more coded evil stuff I guess? I don't know anything about Westerns I admit

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And hey look a blonde bartender is chatting to him - there's a Jack ale sign on one side... and hahahahahaaaa no there's a Kingdom Beer sign behind Dean over his shoulder because the director wants to kill me

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So far this is the weirdest BL episode Ive seen in a long time because they're trying so so hard to be all nuanced and deep and to explore character stuff and carry on the mood from the first episode, while being direly under-equipped to handle it, so everyone's just blurting exposition all over the place in a series of awkward exchanges. The overtness of the dialogue is actually helping in a weird way to rush through the tick boxes because Dean just admitted to seeking his neglectful father's approval from a standing start which is a sign of progress for him to just leap right into admitting his issues with John. I don't have a frame of reference for this because tired and white noise and noting we're pulling into Lancaster and it looks like rain now and there's a guy travelling with an enormous silver mirror with an ornate frame as tall as he is on the other platform and more pimms is on the table... but yeah when DID he last talk about John? Is this the increased openness since 12x22 we were hoping for? Is my backpack okay because it's in a luggage rack I can't see and if someone nicks it they're only stealing all my laundry but I like some of those t-shirts so it would be a bummer...

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Lol surprise Asmodeus, no wonder she pushed all the father stuff... Was he talking about Lucifer then? It's everyone has father issues season. He's fitting in as another mirror in it all. Like the great big shiny mirror the dude at Lancaster station had. I'd honestly not be surprised if John came back in some way just cuz we had the Mary season where motherhood was a theme, and now we're doing this. I don't think John would come back for good liek Mary but they could scrounge up a more direct way of confronting his memory at least.

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This also is so unsubtle bcos Dean had no idea what the bartender looked like so he coulda just tended the bar and chatted to Dean b4 he knew who Asmodues was, and we could have had some cool tension like we all know that Colonel Sanders is the bad guy and Dean's just chatting him up a bit. But then when do we ever get such things in a BL ep?

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Sam just goes and spells it out about Jack being molded and the ambiguity of his father figures aka the dual nature battle they think Jack should have, with a deciding vote already thrown in there by Kelly and of course that Jack has free will and choice

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So Mary just nearly got assaulted, tho not by Lucifer, which was not exactly a pleasant surprise. >.> idk what that guy's problem was but he seems to be implying women can't fight and something something I didn't catch but clearly he doesn't see a whole bunch of women. This is literally the antithesis of the show's handling of female hunters since the start so I'm going to have to assume that this is an AU thing like, total worst timeline, and everyone's sexist to boot. Not really a fan of doing this at all because why are humans made out to be just as bad as meeting angels and demons in this world - Mary being at risk from ALL of them (where is BOBBY I wanna see wtf was going on between him and AU mary and our mary and our bobby) - and it being disappointing that Mary's at risk BECAUSE she's female and might get assaulted.

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Lucifer continues to try and act like a good guy by saving Mary and then of course the Nice Guy twist that always comes - if you won't give me what I want that I'm pretending is mutually beneficial then I will just hurt you.

They're chilling by that church from 8x23 now so I guess Mikey will be along soon.

Preston Station looks like a hellscape as well - it's packed and there's no ticket barriers. I'm so glad we were only passing through

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Dean comes in and sits down with Sam with the shadows of the blinds falling over them - prison imagery I missed you! We're trapped in these mindsets...

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Sam wants to get them on the same page and Dean is like F U and Sam's like lemme do exposition while you sit with the shadow over your eyes.

I wish there was a shadow falling over my eyes... We've passed back through to hazy sunlight south of Preston.

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Sam says people who we love, and who have been in our lives for a long time, in such a way I bet some asshole is excluding Cas from one category bcos Mary doesn't count in the long time category so maybe one is for her and one is for Cas

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obviously that's the real donatello because he only cares about breakfast and is an object of ridicule while Asmodeus was presumably the other and actually talking plot.

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this is an idiot ball moment tbh because Jack hasn't been in any hotel scenes for a while and somehow we've shuffled through all the characters here and not had any of them with Jack or checking where he is despite him being the most precious cargo, and it was bugging me earlier that dontatello and sam talking meant jack was alone because he wouldn't be w/ dean so where was he but Sam didn't ask? they just chatted? And obvs that was asmodeus but yeah... no one's keeping an eye on him and D. wasn't even supposed to be taking Jack to get breakfast or what? If that wasn't him then what exactly did Sam think Jack was up to?

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Also Sam tanking the mytharc Dean tanking the personal arc - he talks to both of them w/o them knowing and guess what each's conversation is

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And also Dean came in with food as well like there's major miscommunication going on here if the real donatello was getting breakfst and so was Dean but is that the point or is that just a plothole where this doesn't add up properly if you actually try and map who knew what and - was Dean the one SUPPOSED to be watching Jack? But Sam didn't ask him either.

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Anyway here's the demon that Dean's entire fight scene is about straddling to death.

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I also loved his march down to the room where he was all in shadows

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The last shot of that fight though where Dean's cowering away from the demon on a bed while it advances on him with a knife

like wow that was a good fight scene for the dynamics going on there. Dean as a victim being absolutely dominated by that demon and all the associated knife and weirdass positions imagery. Dean on that table with his legs around the demon is like an entire meta on its own as well

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okay it was too bright when I saw the scene where Asmodeus was talking about that whatever it was he let out but I THINK that was the same demon I thought I saw overhearing it and now I am wondering what on earth that was about because Dean just killed him :P

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Awww Jack out in nature. I love the flowers and the buzz of insects and life all around him. And Asmodeus is testing him.

Okay it's been like one episode how can he have character inconsistency with himself from earlier in the episode - he now wants to unleash the things he got in trouble for unleashing before? I mean unless he's decided that Lucifer really isn't coming back so might as well just throw a party while there's no adult supervision, and get back to all that chaos and destruction he loves. If he thought there was remotely a chance Lucifer would come back he wouldn't do it, but then is he just doing it now out of spite that Lucifer told him no before, and instead of whatever nonsense he said about family dynamics back then is not really true at all because he wants to rebel now instead.

If Jack unleashes the thing because he was tricked then it will be the biggest Sam and Cas mirror thing ever and will set him up with some angst and guilt for the rest of the season.

One of the downsides of Dean not getting along with him is that Jack doesn't know how much scepticism about God is a healthy amount in this universe. He basically just knows that God is his grandfather and family is usually good. But God is suuuch a bad concept to rally behind here, it's not even like God wouldn't ask him to do it because God never tells anyone what to do about anything (which is like the first thing Dean would have told Jack if he hadn't still been sulking God wouldn't lift a finger to help him over the whole dead Cas issue), God would also just never have any positive reinforcement for anyone or get excited about having a grandson, at least in a way to get actively involved :P

I mean Chuck probs thought that Donatello making his way to Jack was about as useful as he could be and that immediately went sour when no one kept 2 pairs of eyes on each other at all times.

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Wyoming has some pretty nasty stuff under it :P

I wonder if Hell maps exactly to earth but just kinda deeper.

Also point to me for rambling about hell gates earlier and then Asmodeus actually listening to my suggestion box for once. Maybe he will be the one character who can actually hear me in this show.

Hey you, you're an asshole

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Is Lucifer aware he literally just lead them in a circle because I am so not telling him that, because it's too funny.

I hope Jack didn't inherit his sense of direction but this is Dabb era, as soon as that kid gets a car, trouble starts.

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The midlands are so bleak.

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These angels are wearing heavy tactical gear and yet more kneepads. The human had them too. This is just kneepad world. I don't see the necklaces of baby ears so maybe that design thing got ditched or maybe Bobby was being metaphorical.  The important thing is they don't look like Cas. The weird thing is we know Mikey's costume sort of does look like a ragged Cas.

Anyway Lucifer is so offended to hear Michael killed him even though it was literally the most obvious thing ever the entire time we've known about them and since 12x12 we've had extra info to prove it :P

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Omg why are you opening champagne on a traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain

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MIKEY

He wanders in like hey I'm awesome but also I need to immediately open with super obvious exposition lines

Lucifer accuses him of being dressed like he came from a western too which goes with the thematics back in the Earth part of the story and also makes me think maybe the costuming choice was supposed to kinda mirror Frontierland Dean's 2nd costume because why the fuck not this is Dabb era, rules are for suckers :P

I can't see it w/o the hat but maybe he has a hat elsewhere.

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this hole down into the centre of the earth looks REMARKABLY like the one the 2nd season of Shadowhunters had in the season finale, so I need Magnus to just wander over the rise and close it now. Also his eyes glow gold and cat like. Is his power literally equivalent to Jack's? He's like ridiculously OP in that show. I guess all that hiatus watching was research.

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Ah, Asmodeus has learned the "Oh shit it's the Winchesters" moment already, especially recognising the car. Them driving right onto the scene has the oddest shades of 5x22 without anything being remotely like it except it's a field, hole in the earth, and car.

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Okay why did Donatello yell "that's not Donatello"

this is like the reverse of the best version of this scene I've ever heard which is the one from the end of Here Be Gerblins in the Adventure Zone which I will not spoil for you except to say this is the worst and also it doesn't take too much listening to get to that point and I nearly cried laughing so you should probably go listen. More hiatus watching research!

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The other option is D is having a total crisis of self w/o a soul or the evil D is actually the real thing and Asmodeus is helping them for some reason.

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LOL he's like hi I'm Crowley's replacement so the line now is "howdy boys" intead of hello boys

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As soon as Jack knows what's up and sees his new peeps getting hurt he stops because he is precious and he did nothing wrong and I love him

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AWW HE THINKS THEY'RE HIS FRIENDS I LOVE YOU NOUGAT

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Deal with that, Dean.

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Mary like "... should I be shuffling backwards?" "I SHOULD BE SHUFFLING BACKWARDS, BYE"

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Lucifer said he needed Mary, Mikey says he needs Lucifer... I think that phrase is being turned over and ruined now. The necessary step of Dean having said it to Cas that one time when he shoulda said I love you... They had a brief critique of "need and want" and some stuff about i and we, which was what last season was doing, but Cas feels bad bcos he feels needed but not wanted, and this is as much as Dean has said to him - from the depths of his heart - but it's not enough because that was season 8 and he hasn't felt like he belongs and he needs that I love you. Uh but w/o using "need" - look, they're gesticulating with champagne again, I have 1 eye on this at best as we roll through the midlands for an eternity :P Anyway I guess it is time to put "need" in the firing line as the Wrong Word that means that you're USING someone.

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WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??? DEAN DOES NOT SIT AT THE TABLE LIKE THAT. OH MY POOR, POOR BROKEN CHILD LET ME HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS

I know it's probably for that wonderful shot of them through the door but Dean fundamentally does not sit up against the wall - he and Sam have their places at that table when they have their chats and it's a serious thing since the entire time theyve been using the kitchen for important plot chats.

Anyway he super not okay bcos that's his seat he sits at when he's in his proper place in the dynamic - or improper one but the point is the dynamic is the dynamic when they sit opposite each other and Dean's opted out and flopped back against the wall instead of sitting where he normally does when he and Sam are in balance. Sam's connection to his seat has some other flavours of his side of the codependency issues but largely about his lack of assertiveness or getting too messed up about saving Dean, so we'll see

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AAAH Sam is sitting one seat over as well.

I know it's a free table but there's 8 seats and REMARKABLY little flexibility about it.

Dean's wearing a black henley which is also baaad news. *pats him on the head and follows with a blanket*

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Sam stands (or sits) his ground

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Dean, gosh, I don't like when the camera follows you because this is probably going to be awful for my heart.

We also have not really had his POV much this ep except the Asmodeus chat up scene

He's mostly reacted. Like he thinks Jack is only reacting.

I DON'T LIKE THIS SCENE

PROTECT JACK FROM HIMSELF TOO

I hope he was just being curious like a super amped up version of how Kira on Orphan Black found out she has super healing powers so sliced her own arm open while being scared and fascinated with what she was and pissed off the adults wouldn't tell her anything but this was gross and violent and pls protect Jack because that was awful.

Dean's suitably horrified though because he has to contemplate Jack is just as freaked out and lost as he is about this whole thing because this is a gross and horrifying way to show that Jack is as fucked up and lost as the rest of them. I don't think he was actually trying to kill himself esp. because he knew the angel blade already stabbed him and did nothing and even if he doesn't know what it is and why that's signficant he knows he didn't die of something that should have killed him... I hope it's just childlike curiosity mixed with bleak existential horror as he comes to understand how much he doesn't understand himself even in the context of the world he's in...

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OH NO

but also good lines of dialogue they acted super well. Jack is starting to think he can't be saved if Dean doesn't think it and is silently asking him to do it because he doesn't want to hurt people and oh gosh this isn't 10x09 at all where Deran asked Cas to do it to him... But completely different emotional landscape where Dean WOULD do it and wants to and Jack is only just starting to doubt himself and wonder if he would hurt people and the important thing is not like Dean thinking there was a line he would cross and half-tricking Cas into saying he'd do it by asking him for a favour first, but Cas not being able to oblige him in 10x22... This is Jack being such a good pure piece of nougat that he's SCARED of what he is and what he can do and beginning to think that he might need to be killed esp. because Dean thinks so and this has been a bad day for him... even though again his nature shone through, Dean thinks it was a "sneeze" and Jack still doesn't have a developed enough moral compass to understand what he did except that we can see it was a good thing.

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And final shot Jack reflected in the mirror all bloody and sad and I need to zoom in on that later to see his face because like magic the sun is out again when I want to look at the screen.

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End episode here. Good. That means Dean angstily listening to music is in 13x03 almost for sure because I want it to be (uh, sorry that's not science :P) but it would be a great Berens to Berens chat with self about 9x14 and Dean angstily listening to music there.

I am not actually where were we are any more except powering towards London, but I'm gonna put my laptop away because they're still topping up the champagne and I just survived a BL episode where nothing so awful happened that I can see the fandom outrage from a million miles away and the worst I can say is that they are an exposition machine and I wish they had more nuanced dialogue because in someone else's hands that character stuff would have been delivered well rather than just delivered :P