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dootdootwriting · 3 years ago

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CONGRATS FOR 600+!!! I SAW UR EVENT SO IF I HAVE THE CHANCE, IM TAKING IT

The whole alphabet for Thoma. (Gn reader)

PLEASE dont overwork yourself though. You dont have to do it all if youre tired or something. Thank you and congrats!

600+ writing event

ty for ur request anon!! also you're funny. overwork myself? how could i possibly do that when i'm already avoiding all of my schoolwork? entire alphabet for thoma coming right up! (under the cut for length)

fluff alphabet with thoma; gn reader; no warnings apply

A-Activities (what do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?)

- thoma enjoys pretty much any type of shared activities with you, but ultimately his favorite kind is any that involves food. he'll go on tours of inazuma city with you to find the best places to get ice cream, or he'll buy a whole bunch of food and see what kind of dishes you can make together! nine times out of ten it ends up being really weird and a little gross, but it's fun and he loves spending time with you.

B-Beauty (what do they admire about their s/o? what do they think is beautiful about them?)

- he admires your ambition, your humor, and your own personal flair. he loves the person you are, and almost everything that goes into that, but he specifically loves the unique little traits that make you you.

C-Comfort (how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?)

- his first instinct is to give you a big hug or rub your back, but only if he knows you're okay with it and that it would actually help. his first goal is to make sure you're okay, and then his second goal is to cheer you up: with bad jokes and kisses, usually

D-Dreams (how do they picture the future with their s/o?)

- thoma isn't super picky with how you two end up in the future, as long as you're together and happy. he wants to grow old with you, ideally, though however you do that will decide itself.

E-Equal (are they the dominant one in the relationship or rather passive?)

- thoma is used to taking the lead in your relationship, but he's not necessarily more dominant or anything - he's just excited to be with you and wants to make sure you're just as happy as he is. your relationship is pretty balanced!

F-Fun (what do they do for fun with their s/o? what's their idea of a fun day out?)

- he loves loves loves going out on walks, especially in the city, and just finding random things that seem fun to do. there are a bunch of people playing cornhole over there, how about you guys join in for a game? they're selling a new kind of hotpot at that restaurant, better give it a try!

G-Gratitude (how grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?)

- he's definitely aware of everything you do for him, and he's also very grateful that you're with him. he makes sure to let you know that every day.

H-Honesty (do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?)

- i think the only time thoma would ever keep something from you on purpose is if it would be somehow dangerous for you to know. other than that, he likes to make sure you're aware of everything you need to be. he likes his privacy like anyone else, but he also values communication.

I-Inspiration (did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?)

- being with you hasn't necessarily changed him (aside from the fact that you two are almost always seen together now) but it's definitely improved his mood a lot, not that it was ever really bad. he also likes to show off more now that you're around...

J-Jealousy (do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?)

- thoma gets jealous relatively easily but is also not one to step in unless it's a situation in which you seem uncomfortable. he trusts you wholeheartedly, which sometimes means he has to keep himself from getting overly worried.

K-Kisses (are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?).

- he's a very good kisser. thoma's kisses are playful and sweet, or alternatively full of reassurance and love. your first kiss was a little rushed and he was a little nervous (not that he'd ever admit that) but he knew it was the right time.

L-Love confession (how would they confess to their s/o?)

- confesses accidentally while watching you do something that's actually pretty normal. you tap him on the shoulder and ask where he wants to go for lunch and he just kinda stares at you and then says "man i love you" and you're like. what. but he plays it off like he TOTALLY MEANT to say that and definitely didn't slip up.

M-Mornings (what's it like waking up with them? do they sleep late or wake up before the sun rises?)

- lazy lazy lazy. thoma knows he has to go to work but why would he do that when you're next to him all curled up into him? he can't just abandon you like that! fortunately the kamisatos are very forgiving, so when he shows up late they don't give him an earful.

N-Nicknames (what do they call their s/o?)

- babe/baby, sunshine, and occasionally sweetheart but usually just to tease you

O-On cloud nine (what are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?)

- when thoma first realizes he's in love with you it hits him like a truck and he has to sit down for a second to process it. after that he hangs around you a lot more often, and it's pretty obvious to anyone watching that he's in love.

P-PDA (how are they with PDA? is it fun to them or are they more reserved with their affection?)

- thoma's comfortable with pda and likes to tease you with it sometimes, unless you're someone who absolutely hates it, in which case he'll settle with handholding. otherwise, he'll give you random light kisses on the cheek or will grab you and pull you into him at random points throughout the day.

Q-Quirk (some random thing they do when they're with you for no reason in particular)

- his nose scrunches when he's trying not to laugh at you, which makes you laugh at him, which makes him laugh at you. congratulations! you have achieved pile of laughter.

R-Romance (how romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?)

- thoma is very romantic and also values friendship with his partner as well. he's sort of a mix between cliché and creative - while he will definitely take you out for a fancy dinner and lend you his jacket, he will also take you out to the lake and push you in or make a date out of who can spot the most dogs on a day out.

S-Support (are they helping their s/o achieve their goals do they believe in them?)

- one hundred percent he believes in you and will do his best to help you achieve any goals you have. ok thats the end of this headcanon i have nothing else to say GHCCN

T-Thrill (do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship or do they prefer certain routine?)

- thoma loves trying new things! he doesn't need things to change constantly (and also that might be very tiring for him) but he does like to switch things up a little.

U-Understanding (how good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?)

- forgot to change it from "good" to "well." WHOOPS. anyway

- thoma is very empathetic, so he's quick to understand how you're feeling, though it'll take him a little longer to understand why it is you're feeling like that. once you explain to him, he knows just what to do, whether it be celebrate with you on a big win or comfort you or give you some space.

V-Value (how important is the relationship to them? What is its worth in comparison to other things in their life?)

- it's SO important to him. having you in his life is one of the most important things to him. he's also been with the kamisatos for a really long time though, so thoma will need a little bit to sort out where his priorities are. rest assured that you're definitely up there.

W-Wild card (a random fluff headcanon?)

- thoma really likes the feeling of you running your fingers through his hair. bonus points if you wash it for him (he'll return the favor)

X-XOXO (Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?)

- if you're ever available for affection, thoma will take advantage of it. he loves being close to you and generally just the feeling of loving and being loved in return, especially when that incorporates physical affection. listen he just really likes being kissed.

Y- Yearning (how will they cope when they are missing their partner?)

- when you're gone thoma will surround himself with things that remind him of you. he'll also occasionally call your name or say things to you absentmindedly before remembering you're not there at present. poor guy... he'll be very happy once you're home.

Z-Zeal (are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?)

- it depends on the lengths. the worst case scenario for thoma would be if he somehow had to choose between you and his work - that would terrify him, even though there's no way it would ever happen. other than that, since you're way up on his priority list, there's not much that he wouldn't do for you.

#doot's 600 event!#thoma x reader #tohma x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #fluff alphabet #fluff #thoma hcs #thoma fluff alphabet #thoma #tohma #gi thoma

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i8jisoo · 4 years ago

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𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader

hyunjin x reader | part four of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff

↬ warnings; pregnancy, lots of cursing (i have a streak), birth, n kkami bein a meanie

↬ notes; ok this might be my fav in the series | 1.5k wc

u and hyunjin actually were broken up when u found out about the pregnancy

u waited (stalled fuck off) until five months since u really didnt know what to do with the news

u kinda feel like ur insane, playing your ex-boyfriends music constantly and watching interviews of him but it kept u company and gave u a reminder that u still needed to tell him

u got this rly cute popped out bump, just rly kinda like those movies but u know its gonna get bigger and grow to have stretch marks

one day ur just sitting on the sofa of your apartment n the next thing u know ur door is being opened and hyunjin is barging in

ofc ur in a sports bras and a pair of basketball shorts cause they r comfortable and shirts r overrated

ur there with set out marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate, as well as peppermint sticks on the side just eating them together

ur in the middle of eating a smore u had put together

u swallow ur smore slowly, sucking on ur fingertips n just staring at him

“oh my fucking god- and it’s true?”

ur honestly so confused until u remember u dont have on a shirt n ur bump is showing

ur standing up in a millisecond, hyunjin getting more upset by the second just looking at u

“why— how? how could you just not tell me?”

baby boy has those angry tears and the strained voice hes just so upset and the guilt is setting in for u

“i’m five and a half months.”

fuck hormones cause next thing u know ur crying and u cant do anything to make it stop

u guys really can’t be mad at each-other, ur relationship was filled with nothing but kindness and it ended only because u two felt it was going no where

ofc u two argued about it and in the end hyunjin was the one who walked out

“we can try again. you can move back in right? we can stay together and put back the pieces.”

u agreed n by the next morning he was there to help u pack ur things up n take them back to his place

he ends up seeing the box of baby stuff, with unopened bottle packages and sonograms, as well as a disc that was labelled as your 3D ultrasound

u find him just sitting there, staring at the black and white sonogram with tears freely falling down his cheeks

he doesn't even notice u next to him until ur thumb swipes the tear away from his cheek

u two just smile at each-other, his arm wrapping around u n pulling u in to his side

“that’s our baby?” he asks, not removing his eyes from the little white blob that barely was the size of a jaw breaker n u just whispered, “yea, it is.”

ur relationship doesn’t exactly get back into what it was at first,,

ur both nervous and cautious around each other

at first he insists he can just sleep on the couch so u can take his bed but u insist u both can sleep together

hyunjin doesn’t mean to but he somehow always winds up with his arm around u n ur bump every morning

he will talk to the bump n tell them how they r gonna have the best mommy n daddy 🥺

“did u know ur mommy is one of my favorite people to be with? i know ur gonna hear the story one day of how we became parents but i have always loved her, even when we weren’t together i loved your mommy. i hope one day you will love someone as much as i love your mommy, i hope you get your mommy’s personality bub.”

ur fake sleeping wbk but u dont move so u can let him talk

around eight months u two are way more comfortable n are getting closer

he lets u borrow his clothes because u used to do that even when u weren’t pregnant and he figured they were more comfortable & better looking than ur maternity outfits 😣

he rly goes the whole nine yards, buying anything u can think of for the baby n he’ll sometimes wake u up from ur sleep (if he’s rly excited) just so he can show u what he bought

hyunjin is in love with u and kkami cuddling together

also when ur due date got closer u both def went out for walks with kkami or played in the dog park with kkami

(u couldn’t really be as active as hyunjin but it was fine with u just watching)

something within hyunjin changes n he just gets so shy n flustered around u ^.^

he’s crushing so hard on u and u can guess he is but then again u two were just living together for the pregnancy

it’s probably three in the morning n hyunjin had just came home

ofc u were crying

a rly cute dog ad was playing with a baby in it as well :(

u explain n hiccup while doing so

hes so s o f t at this moment

he presses a soft kiss to ur lips n ur like wow thats um—

he doesn’t even care how shocked u r this man goes back in for more kisses

“i want you, i wanna be a real family. i wanna one day marry you, have more babies or get other dogs, that’s all i’ve ever wanted since the day we met.”

enywayz u two r dating,, a g a i n

spooning half of the time during ur last few weeks of pregnancy, but the boys come over frequently n for some reason jeongin is always bringing presents?? its cute but u guys RLY didn’t need anymore toys for the baby

u guys r just cuddling n he’s got one hand on ur bump before ur like

“ow,, fuck that hurt.”

“hey don’t swear around the baby!”

u just suppose it’s a hard kick since the baby had been active a lot recently n the pains had been occurring often

kkami is very cuddly today n he’s giving u kisses

hyunjin lowkey jealous cause kkami doesn’t ever give him kisses like that ⸜( ⌓̈ )⸝

yall ever seen the thing where dogs know pregnant people the best n they can like SENSE something goin on??

well kkami was on it

baby kkami is sniffing u n just restless in ur lap n its a lil weird cause kkami is ALWAYS sleeping or sitting still cause kkami has turned as lazy as u n hyunjin

u have this feeling but instead u just tell hyunjin u gotta pee :P

newsflash: u didnt n as soon as u got up, boom, theres ur water breaking and running down ur leg

��it feels gross.”

ur literally whining about ur pants while a baby is coming out of ur ... hooha 😳 n hyunjin is freaking out

he’s rushing around the rooms n making sure everything is in the bag and nothing gets left behind

last thing on his mind is changing ur clothes

though he does, putting u in his baggy sweatshirt and a pair of his shorts

hes freaking out lets be honest the thought of u giving birth is fuckin scary

hyunjin is so out of it and spaced out while ur cool n talking normally with pauses everytime theres a contraction

“aish, why are you so worried? i’m the one that should be worried!!”

ur not cool after an u hit the four hours in labor mark

u do not want to be t o u c h e d

touching u is off limits ur so sweaty n ur body feels like its crumbling u cannot deal with someone holding ur hand or holding u

hyunjin just sits there

hes kinda in a different realm while he stares at the clock on the wall

hes so ready to meet the baby but apparently ur body was exactly 4 centimetres not ready :(

hes just trying to distract u by talking with the boys n his other friends, all of the face timing to talk to the parents to be 🥺

yall r wrapping up a call with jeongin when u have the built up pressure feeling again

he doesn’t even explain to jeongin hes so quickly to hang up n ask u whats wrong

“i— it feels like i have to push.”

he’s already pressing the pretty lil white button on ur bed for the nurses n doctors

they confirm that u indeed r ready to push and that the baby is in position

hyunjin trying to take a peek WHAT A WEIRDO

yall hearing ur baby has a head full of hair and u just give hyunjin this look

like WTF no wonder why u had so much heartburn its because of ur fuckin rapunzel baby daddy

here comes the cries, loud n u just heard the quietest sob from beside u which was hyunjin

“it’s a baby boy, congrats!!”

his lil puppy baby boy 🥺

he had a lil pout like his daddy n his brown locks on top of his head

it was kinda creepy how similar they looked

anyways u dont care ur lil boy is p e r f e c t and nobody could dare tell yall different

u would disagree anyways because thats ur lil pouty baby boy n hes so cute 🥺

“we got a pretty good break-up story right? one for the books.”

he’s got baby boy in his arms bundled up but that doesn’t stop u from smacking his arm before kissing him quickly

“yea, we do.”

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imaginethathaikyuu · 4 years ago

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How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

#ily<3 #long post

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rant-2-me · 4 years ago

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i feel like im getting notthing done these days, like my life just going to complete waste. i should be doing something with my life by now i think, like im studying enough and im not rlly been feeling happy lately either cause i feel so much stress. i have exams in like 3 weeks and i dont know what to do for that either.

oh my sweet nonnie, listen,

There’s no set time frame for doing anything.

you can do things in your own time without having to worry about being “behind.” Sometimes it’s the things we do that feel like “stalling” or “getting off track” that end up being the most helpful for our growth.

theres a lot of sugarcoating advice on the internet that might say you're not wasting your life, and don’t get me wrong, that’s true — but it doesn’t help your situation at all.

You don't need to be "doing anything" with your life right now, maybe right now you just need to

Success is not measured by the rate in which we accomplish something, but in the fact that we have accomplished something

What you need is action.

you need to do something that makes you happy and is easy(ish) to do.

The best way to find direction is to trust your instincts instead of forcing yourself to do things because you think you “should.”

Your intuition is a powerful compass, and even if you think you aren’t making progress, if you’re following your instincts, you are.

There are always going to be opportunities that look good on paper, and that little, scared voice within may tell you that your life will only matter if you take them.

Other people may also tell you this, if not directly, indirectly; or you may assume they’re thinking this when really they’re too immersed in their own confusing journey to pass judgment on yours for long.

But sometimes the best opportunities are the ones you don’t take, leaving yourself open for choices that better align with your own values and priorities.

I know this may sound as impossible as growing wings and flying, but try not to worry so much about what other people might think. They may have expectations, but you aren't responsible for the vision of you they've made up in their minds.

The only one who can make wise decisions for you is you. And even if it makes you feel anxious at times, you will eventually thank yourself for being brave enough to follow your heart, not someone else’s head.

When it comes to creating purpose, there truly is no “wrong” decision.

You may think you only have one purpose and that you need to push yourself to find it, you can continue thinking this, if you’re okay with feeling pressured and scared.

Or instead of aiming to discover the one thing you’re supposed to do with your life, you could focus on discovering the one thing you want to try right now,

you can change direction any time. And that changing direction won’t be something to be ashamed of; it won’t mean you failed at discovering your purpose before. It will mean you had one purpose then, and now your purpose has changd—evolved.

It will mean you’re brave enough to let yourself evolve, repeatedly undertaking the sometimes terrifying process of discovering what else you can do.

Maybe that in itself can be a purpose—to live life in that vulnerable, uncertain place where you’re not boxed into one way of being, free to roam when it would feel much safer to tether yourself to one role.

How to get things done

1. before you actually do anything, take a whole day to shamelessly do nothing. its just one (1) day to relax,calm down, do something that makes you happy, let your entire body take a breath before it springs into action, an arrow draws back before it hits it target

2. when you wake up the next morning, dont reach for your phone. dont scroll social media or check the news. in fact, before you start your day, (if its possible) switch off your phone or put it on do not disturb put it somewhere your mind wont wander towards. give it to a friend and tell them not to give it back until u sit down and finish your work.

3. start by finishing tasks you figure will take less than 2 minutes.

need to water the plants? it'll take less than 2 minutes; do it. need to feed the fish? takes less than two minutes; do it! get all the easy work out of the way first.

4. check what your most time sensitive tasks are. finish them first.

5. try and figure out whats stopping you from doing something. most of the time it isn't just "laziness" that stopping you from doing something, sometimes its because the perfectionist in you is worried that if you try hard on that you'll fail. but the thing is, you can try again. and again. and again, and again until you get it right. try chipping at it slowly

for example, say you have to take notes for a class, and you have 10 pages to copy down, before you start watching a tv show, just write 2 pages of notes. you can also try the pomodoro method: do work for 25 minutes, then take a 5 minute break. repeat.

but something like studying and having hobby is something that needs to be repeated, over and over again, like a routine

How to add something into your routine:

start easy. the first time you do the hobby, it should be a cake walk

e.g:

exercise every day first day: 5 push ups.

1000 words every day first day: 10 words and so on.

try to do the activity after or before or even during a hobby you already do e.g.:

read 20 books in a year and you already: drink tea every day so you should: read 5 pages as you drink tea

you want to learn a language and you already: plait your hair before you sleep so you should: watch a video teaching you about that language before you plait your hair

mountains are easier to climb with a friend, so you can get someone to do it with you!

How to study

Get a good night’s sleep: A recent study found a positive relationship between students’ grades and how much sleep they’re getting. However, this doesn’t only mean getting a full 8 hours of sleep before a big test. What matters, even more, is getting enough sleep for several nights before you do the bulk of your studying.

Switch up your study environment: Studies show that switching up your study environment can increase recall performance. Instead of studying at home every day, try checking out a new coffee spot each week or heading to your local library. A change in scenery can improve both your memory and concentration levels.

Stick with an environment that works: If you have a good space at home or a café that is reliably a productive place for you, it makes sense to stick with this when you are under pressure.

Listen to calming music: You can listen to any music you like, but many agree that classical, instrumental, and lo-fi beats make good background music for studying and can actually help you pay attention to the task at hand. Songs with lyrics can be distracting.

Eliminate distractions: Eliminate distractions by silencing your phone and any annoying background noises such as the TV or radio. Make a pact with yourself to avoid checking social media until your study session is over.

Snack on smart food: Coffee and candy will give you a temporary boost, but then you’ll have a damn sugar crash. For energy that is more focused and sustainable, try healthy snacks such as edamame, apples, or nuts.

and most importantly!

grades and test scores =/= your value as a human being

aight nonnie, that is all, *mwah* i believe in you, i believe that your strong and wonderful and you can handle this, *hugs you (if youre ok w it)* please take care of yourself

dont forget to drink water, get some sleep, eat some food, and please take care of yourself!! have a nice day,

mod peppermint out B)

#ask #anon #mod peppermint #rant #school #exams #student life #student motivation #motivation

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shadowofmoths · 5 years ago

Note

fuck it, all the evens for the quarantine ask, there are no rules anymore

NO RULES NO RULES NO RULES!! putting this under a cut to spare yall lmao

2. Grilled cheese or PB&J?

GRILLCHEESE. i have recently developed an idealogical opposition to peanut butter but also have you ever been awake at like Too Late and ur jus vibing and u make a grilled cheese and have ur midnight grillcheese? fucking MAGICAL. avery and i all the time when it is Too Late will be like “i want something. what do i want what is it GRILLCHEESE” and then we grill a cheese.

4. Your go-to bar order, if you drink?

i dont drink ! but i do love to have fancy, nonalcoholic drinks....no go-to bar order tho rip

6. Top three cuisines?

i like...italian food, ofc, as anyone who knows my last name would probably guess, but also my top fav is like mediterranean & middle eastern food ? like fuck man what i would not do in life for a good gyro

8. What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had?

i have not, uh, strictly had jobs, as such, but uh a fun fact abt me is that i did Literally Every Possible Volunteer Position at my church i think lkjhgfhfhs.

10. Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general?

answered!

12. What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted?

OK SO. there is this place near my mom’s college that i think might just literally be called the bagel place and they have a kind of bagel named after their school mascot which is just. bagel, and then you toast it, adn put cream cheese on each half, and then you put some regular cheese on the top of it and put it in a broiler and melt the cheese and its SO GOOD and thats my ideal bagel.

14. Favorite mug you own

THIS IS A GOOD QUESTION. sofia gave me a yellow mug and its little and v round and decorated w flowers and its SO GOOD and its my fav. i also have a black skull mug and a haunted mansion mug that i LOVe adn theyre all in MARYLAND STILL HELP. i miss them.

16. Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!)

it took a concerted effort here not to choose something from next to normal which tells you how intensely GOING THRU IT i am. there’s a song called “better in the morning” by birdtalker that my spotify discover weekly hit me w during a late night breakdown that sort of encapsulates my “this fuckin SUCKS bro but we’re gonna keep goin tho” vibe.

18. What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless?

SHAME OVER INTERESTS IS BORING. ITS 2020. SOMETIMES I WATCH OLD EPISODES OF SHAKE IT UP WITH MY SISTERS. no but my real answer is....i really genuinely unironically love high school musical the musical the series. is it good? not, like, really! but i love it. its probably made me tear up. but im not embarrassed abt it lmao 20. Do you match your socks?

answered!22. What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc)

JKHGSDAF my phase was “Undiagnosed ADHD” so it was , All The Phases really but no it was star wars for sure. but star wars wasnt a PHASE mom thats who i AMMMM

24. What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)?

i...no opinion? they’re..fine?

26. You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it?

ok theres a local like, dairy farm that makes a FUCKING MAGICAL watermelon lemonade in the summer and i would do anything to have that shit year round 28. What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now?

knitting! embroidery! uhhhh time management when ur trapped and have adhd! other assorted mental health strategies, like “how to explain to ur teachers that u need help bc ur brain is just Chaotic and also the WORLD IS ENDING, catriona, PLEASE no more essays.” 30. Where could someone find you in a museum?

depends on the museum! but ur best bet is “genuinely crying over van goghs” or otherwise having Very Big Emotions over someone like monet or agnes martin

32. Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds?

ALL OF THESE. probably sunset clouds but also i cannot TELL you how much i miss stars when im out in MD being a Big City Boy.

34. Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs?

art! altho im thinking of disassembling the Art Wall™ and doing smth else bc its gotten a little chaotic in here lately

36. Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with

ok, like, define sidekick! which of the young avengers are “sidekicks” if its just a group of gay friends doing universe-saving together?? would you relegate billy kaplan to “sidekick” status? sidekick to WHOM? anyway the answer is teddy altman.

38. Favorite mid-2000s song

answered!

40. Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)?

the couch corner is MINE, babey!! (8 ppl in ur house does mean a big L shaped couch is relatively necessary.) altho recently ive developed a habit of whenever i see someone sitting in a spot i decide that is now My Spot. the person already there doesnt have to move! but i will also be sitting there now thank you. no, im not craving physical affection, why do you ask?

42. A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving

i dont think i expected to Fall In Love with carly rae jepsen, i dont think ! but her power.....wow.

44. Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online?

quote that relates to the photos, usually! with maybe a little explanation. most of the photos i post are arts so it’ll be like “this is carrion hes a bitch i love him” etc

46. What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store?

i dont think...anything in the freezer in my apartment is mine? i think ive got some ben and jerry’s phish food in there tho which is DEFINITELY bad by now, FUCK, but also toaster waffles, conceptually, would be my answer.

48. Do you like Jello?

yes ! it is . Fun To Eat.

50. How are you at climbing trees?

pretty bad, bc coordination is a no and im afraid of heights, but i sure do love to try ! and then get too scared!

#LOVE U COLA #asks #queen-eevee

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rhimorechill · 5 years ago

Note

1-30 can i just have your opinion on all of them please

KDHSKHFKFB whoever u are anon ur actually my only follower ever

1. are you of the “tom nook is a crook” or “tom nook is an honest businessman” opinion ?

HES AN HONEST BUSINESSMAN !!! ur loans have NO interest and he was handing out 100k interest/month for a good while there !!!!! the only reason it dropped to 10k is b/c i accidentally made a mil while tryna get dreamies ok. the whole "nook inc owns the entire island" thing is KINDA WEIRD but like ! i mean. its still a pretty sweet deal

2. do you play as yourself or a made up character ?

i play as me !! and then everyone tells me my character is cute which ROCKS

3. where is your house located ?

well CURRENTLY. its just at the center of the island. but once i get terraforming (which will be as soon as i get lolly, mitzi, and purrl) it will be on its own little island in the middle of the island

4. who were your first villagers ?

hamlet and renee ! and bea and agent s and broccolo. oh and quillson. theyre all gone now but i moved bea into a friends island so i can visit her later !!

5. preferable method of earning bells ?

turnip runs babey !!! srsly i will pay like 500k tips and make a million in PROFIT (per run !!) its fucking awesome. i never use turnip exchange tho that shit website always stops telling me where i am in the queue

6. what villager personalities do you typically get along best with ?

i love all of them. so much. normal and lazy villagers might take the cake, but ankha was on my island for 2 days and nearly stole my heart, so snooty villagers r up there too. smug villagers ? like i mostly have experience w raymond b/c i fucking HATED quillson and keaton n ed i barely paid attention to (ed gets points tho. he shares my bday) but that goddamn nerd has a war with slugs. we love to see it. peppy villagers rock (i have THREE on my island rn... but ugh i gotta kick out merry sometime..... i love her but i just !! have too many). i CANNOT hate jock villagers those guys just wanna work out !!! and talk abt working out !!!! theyve done nothing wrong in their whole lives. uchi villagers are great too and cranky villagers r trying their best !!! every villager is good is what im saying. even quillson (i guess)

7. who is your current best friend in the game ?

MGHGSHGD felicity or raymond !!! they send me mail all the time and also i really like raymond. b/c hes such a fucking NERD of an accountant. and felicity was the first of my dreamies to move in so im 💚 when it comes to her...... SOMEDAY. lolly will also be my bff. lolly come home

8. is there a villager you want to get rid of ?

MERRY WHITNEY VELMA. PLEASE GO AWAY. U R ALL SWEETIES BUT NONE OF U MADE THE CUT. ONLY ONE OF U IS EVEN A CAT. (if you want whitney or velma pls dm me !!! someone asked for merry already but id love for them to be on islands where ppl love em)

9. do you hoard a lot of items ?

YES. i did a purge the other day and laid a fuckton of items out to give away. it did not fit and i had to shove some on the cliffs. i still have a big pile waiting to be taken. meanwhile my storage gets new items added

10. take medicine or save & restart ?

medicine is for chumps.

11. where is your favorite spot in your village ?

HMMMM i rlly like my entrance !!!! its rlly neat and has green AND pink mums + trees..... and fencing and a path. IDK i worked hard on it and think it turned out rlly well !!!! other than that maybe my shopping area ? i dont have terraforming yet so theres a lot i Havent Gotten To wrt my island (like my cliffs are almost entirely undeveloped b/c i havent placed any inclines. so theres no pathing)

12. what achievement do you want to hit the most ? (ex: golden equipment, all fish / bugs, etc)

its not REALLY an achievement but i want all my dreamies real bad. after that i want a 5 star island !! i would like a lily of the valley. or 20.

13. do you know any secret tips ?

HMMM i dont think so ?? i dont really know any secrets. ive been trying out campsite cycling and it has Not been going well tho. if u need tips on tting to move villagers out or smthn i can help w that !! this is such a vague q that im like DO i know smthn ??? that is a secret ?????? i also vaguely know abt *m**b* sp**f*ng but im not allowed to do that soooo. thats a pipe dream. fun fact: its not a secret but gardening is SO fucking complicated theres genetics n shit. its wild. thank god someone straight up gave me blue roses so i dont have to go thru that shit. also do not tt backwards when dealing with turnips. not even 30 mins to save ur 600+ prices frm closing time. They Will Change

14. who are your dreamies ?

THESE CATS (i know major shocker from tumblr user pumakittycat. app is acnh life)

15. favorite furniture item ?

HMMMM THIS IS A TOUGH ONE. maybe mum cushions ? those r cute as fuck. i love every flower item, honestly, frm garden wagons to flower stands to pansy tables to hycanith lamps to. idk the bonsai shelf ? i have one of those. i also love my sea globe. its great. WAIT DO RUGS AND WALLS/FLOORS COUNT THERES NO QUESTIONS ABT THOSE i love so many FUCKING items. also autumn woods wall, if ur out there,

16. favorite clothing item / outfit ?

my green clover dress !!!! its the best thing EVER. my full outfit also consists of a silver tiara, a cherry blossom pouchette, white fishnets, and green rubbertoed sneakers. and, ofc, clover facepaint. ALSO FOR CONTEXT. my island is named clover bay thats why im like Clover Time. Theyre Important To The Aesthetic. im also an aro bitch who loves overall dresses. b/c they slap

17. favorite museum room ?

I LOVE THE LITTLE BUTTERFLY ROOM do not even TALK to me unless ur the butterfly room in the museum THERES SO MANY AT ALL TIMES ITS SO NICE

18. cedar, fruit, or palm tree ?

FRUIT. i literally chopped down every single hardwood tree on my island and replaced them w orange trees

19. favorite fruit ?

.......Oranges

20. favorite fish ?

HM. bitterling has a special place in my heart for being my Only fish model. whale sharks also rock tho. and thats only of the ones ive caught !!! i also love frogs, turtles, and obligatorily catfish. oh and seahorses and bettas

21. favorite bug ?

HM. ladybugs maybe. and both birdwings ! maybe also emperors butterflies. possibly others as well

22. favorite flower breed ?

MUMS !!!!!

23. favorite crossbred rare flower breed + color ?

GREEN MUMS.

24. favorite villager personality ?

havent we been over this ? im a dumb bitch who likes all of them way too much

25. favorite time of day to play ?

i uh. play. all the time. i tt a Lot tho so i like setting my time to 1pm ? idk it Feels like a good time

26. favorite special visitor event or reward ? (ex: selecting an art piece from redd, aiding guliver and getting a special item, etc)

SAHARAH. im obsessed w the fucking rugs and the tickets and the lottery. i also love celeste, and gulliver has a spot on the faves list for providing lucky cats sometimes (also a fave item) and for having been to space

27. favorite kk song ?

call me basic, but bubblegum kk plays at all times in my living room

28. favorite animal crossing game ?

ACNH lmao. i never really sat down and got Dedicated to city folk, which is the only other game ive played

29. if you’ve played animal crossing before, are there any animals you’re nostalgic for ? if this is your first game, has any animal in particular left some effect on you ?

ROVERRRRR come home :( also harriet.... i Miss Her. and resetti (i REFUSE to use rescue services dont @ me). and also the bus driver guy who took u to the city. If You Were An NPC In City Folk I Miss You Now

30. share a story from your gameplay

SO. i love the little alien easter egg. i set up a photoshoot and made like a little storyline abt the aliens and stuff. i even got a flying saucer and put that down and used it. and every fucking time !!!! i do shit with aliens !!!!!!! gulliver shows up on my beach. i know he went to space in cf n stuff (I GOT FLAVOR TEXT ONE TIME-- DURING NH-- ABT HIM NOT WANTING TO GO BACK EVEN) so i think its fucking hilarious that the aliens show up.... so does he

#rhi's asks #anon #acnh #LMAOOOOO thank u for asking so much....... heres a brick wall of text

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irwintry · 6 years ago

Text

The Tilt-Shift Effect

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, brief mention of drugs

Author’s Note: i think i spent too much time on this honestly i dont even know how i feel abt it

playlist

Word Count: 6.2k

–– a phenomenon in which your lived experience seems oddly inconsequential once you put it down on paper, which turns an epic tragicomedy into a sequence of figures on a model train set, assembled in their tiny classrooms and workplaces, wandering along their own cautious and well-trodden paths.

Ashton had wealth, but he ate his cereal out of two-dollar plastic bowls from Target. He owned fourteen, specifically, so he could let them pile up in the sink for two weeks before he was forced to accept the grimy challenge of washing dishes. He had the cabinet space to hold up to twenty-one, though he figured that was a bit excessive. His laziness could only be condoned for so long. If he chose to purchase more, he’d be better off hiring a maid.

Sometimes, Ashton took up weird hobbies during his downtime. His works of crochet were hung on the walls of hallways, and his ceramic mugs got their daily use through early morning coffee fixes. Once upon a time, he tried beading, and his old girlfriend received most of the precious pieces. He had to do something other than songwriting or else it would fry his brains out.

He purchased a new pair of winter gloves the other day. He lived in Los Angeles–– he didn’t need a pair of winter gloves, let alone a new one. Ashton wasn’t spending money on pointless things because he was bored of his life. No, he loved his time on tour with friends. He loved sharing moments and memories that would last forever. And then, he would be home again, cooped up in the confines of his expansive home with fourteen plastic bowls and crocheted hallways. Ashton needed his life to be fast-paced, otherwise, he’d start beading again.

A few weeks ago, he considered writing a novel. He purchased a Nalgene, hiked up whatever mountain was closest (while simultaneously sweating enough to fill his new water bottle three times), and jotted down whatever emotions slammed into his head. He was hit with nothing. The destructive instinct of tossing his journal into the deep brush overcame him, and Ashton decided that if he were to write a novel, he’d need to go somewhere a bit more inspirational than the dry mountains overlooking smog city.

He suffered from tinnitus quite often, especially on airplanes or any high altitude above sea level (to be exact). Maybe it was partially due to his career as a drummer, or maybe it wasn’t. Whatever it was, and whatever the reason, he despised the perpetual ache. It ruined any social event or interaction for the two days following, but in this case, it ruined his right to think. After packing for twenty minutes, Ashton sped to the airport, his ear already clogged from the mountain climb earlier that morning. The information desk was his first destination, and then it was wherever from there.

“’m sorry, Ash, but you’re where?”

Ashton took a glance around at the baggage claim area. So, he could take the silver line, get a taxi or a limo, or schedule an app ride to wherever he was going. It was good to know he had options. But what the hell was the silver line?

He chuckled. “I think I took a flight to Boston.”

The other end of the phone call was silent.

Truth be told, Ashton hadn’t meant to fly to Boston. He hadn’t been tremendously picky when it came to choosing the final destination, so he picked a random time off of the top of his head, and whatever flight was scheduled to board then, he’d buy a ticket. Boston it was.

“Why the fuck are you in Boston?” Luke wondered, his sentence ending with a lilt and a laugh.

Calum entered the conversation. “Are you having an emotional breakdown?”

“Did you try beading again?” Michael quipped.

Ashton had to chuckle once more. He wasn’t sure he would ever tire of his friends. “Needed t’get out of LA, mates. To clear my head.”

“So, you chose Boston?” Luke spoke up through laughter again.

“’s not a bad city,” Ashton replied. The loud buzzer by his baggage claim began to sound, and a second or so later, the first suitcase tumbled down. “There’s Cambridge, too. That place can be pretty.”

“I think Ash will make the perfect Bostonian,” said Michael. “He gives off perfect Masshole vibes.”

Ashton snorted. “Thank you, Mike.”

“Anytime.”

Ashton noticed his bag was the fourth to slide down on the conveyer belt. “So, uh, does anyone know what on earth the silver line is?”

There are ninety-five to a hundred billion nerve cells in the human body, and right now, Ashton could feel every single one. The safari app on his phone had close to ten tabs open purely to help him understand the train system, but then he ended up freaking out and taking a Lyft instead. He had started to realize his mistake in coming here the moment he finalized everything with his Airbnb in Back Bay (wherever the hell that was). He could vaguely remember a few designated spots him and his mates hit for yoga or brunch when they had been in the city, but they were never here long enough.

The penthouse he was renting lacked activities, but the bathroom was nice. The lighting made his pores stand out a bit more than usual, so that was another downside. Also, he was two inches taller than the showerhead. Otherwise, he loved the place. The roof would be a nice touch if the temperature outside hadn’t frozen his nips off through three layers of clothing. With a sigh, Ashton tossed his belongings to the floor and collapsed onto the couch.

So, he didn’t know why he was here or what he was going to do while he was here. He hardly made it out of the airport alive, and he assumed that, once people knew he was here, walking the streets would be a damn nightmare. Maybe he could give himself cabin fever and write down whatever psychotic thoughts came into his head. That would be an interesting novel.

Ashton didn’t know what he was thinking, but he did know that he needed a fucking beer. And, like all great cities, there were plenty of bars.

However, despite the lovely array of bars, he needed a place that was lowkey. He needed the place three blocks west in its eighteen-table glory. He needed the distance murmur of conversations from old friends and regulars, and he needed that sharp sting of tequila sloshing down his throat. What he didn’t really need, was the live performance taking place in the closet-sized underground bar, but he felt bad that the ten people in there hardly gave a shit.

Ashton listened from a small round table by the wall. He didn’t know why–– maybe it was the alcohol, but the light strum of guitar and angelic singing voice traveled through every ninety-five to a hundred billion nerves in his body. His heart connected to the lyrics, the strings plucking as if it were on the guitar. Maybe this was why he was here.

You had noticed him from the corner of your eye, though your hands only froze for a split moment before you flickered your gaze back to the few men on barstools. This was the exact reason you had to perform with a lyric sheet before you–– unexpected guests like Ashton Irwin would wander in and listen to you sing.

Truth be told, this was your first time performing in front of a big name, and you were somewhat upset you had worked through your headache to be here. It should have been a sign when your guitar took twenty minutes to tune and when two cars almost ran you over on a crosswalk. It should have been a sign when your vanilla latte from Pavement burned your tongue and made you cry.

But here you were, singing lyrics you no longer felt with a shaky voice in front of a man whose eyes were glossed over from the alcohol. At least, that was what you assumed. His thumbs darted to the inside corners of his eyes and rubbed along the water line. You absolutely could not believe it. You had made him cry.

“Uh, thank you,” you said into the mic. Only Ashton was watching you, so truly, you were thanking him. “I’ll be back soon with some happy songs, I promise.”

He cracked a smile.

You had your back turned for under a minute as you put your guitar away, and when you stood to go talk to him, he had already gone.

“I’ve tried approximately seventeen coffee shops in the past week, and only four of them sold bagels, and two of those four had comfortable seating,” Ashton explained. With his phone nestled between his shoulder and his ear, he darted around the kitchen, a spatula for his eggs in one hand and a bottle of orange juice (for some reason) in the other.

“And, how many of those places had good coffee?” asked Calum.

Ashton sighed. “Seven.”

“How ya gonna narrow it down, then?”

Once he set down the bottle of juice, Ashton placed his phone on the counter and pressed the speaker button. A buzz of white noise filled the large kitchen. “Well, two of the seven had bagels, and one of those had good coffee, good seating, and bagels. But the problem is, those bagels weren’t that great. So, like...”

“Life really sucks for you,” his friend replied with a quick chuckle.

“And I still haven’t figured out how the fuck to ride the train, so I’ve spent like two hundred dollars on Lyft rides because I can’t walk, and– “

“Are you doin’ okay, mate?” Calum questioned, worry lacing his tone while Ashton struggled with scraping the eggs off of the pan and onto his plate.

He thought for a moment as he turned off the burner. “I’m– ‘m not doing bad. Jus’...” Ashton sighed. “A part o’ me doesn’t wanna leave, but I don’t have any reason to be here.”

There was silence on Calum’s end for a moment as well. Meanwhile, Ashton was pouring his juice. Truth be told, it was close to one in the afternoon, and he was just now having breakfast.

“And like,” he mumbled before letting out a quick huff due to the small juice spillage on the counter, “I feel kinda stupid. Like, I literally hopped on the first flight that caught my eye. I coulda gone to Milwaukee, or I coulda gone to Paris!”

“Boston’s pretty cool,” replied Calum.

Ashton shrugged to himself. “There was this really good singer at this bar the other day. Thought she was cute n’ all.”

“Did you get her number?”

“No,” he said. “I– I left pretty quickly. Dunno. I panicked. I haven’t been back since.”

“Why?”

“Dunno.”

“You should go back.”

Ashton’s brows knotted together. “Y’think?”

Calum let out a laugh. “You’re acting like a fourteen-year-old.”

Ashton sighed.

“Yeah, go back,” his friend continued. “Why not? If she’s not there, try one more time. And if she’s not there again, go to fuckin’ Belize. Ash, ya flew to Boston on a whim. You’re feelin’ burnt out–– you want to write a fuckin’ novel for Christ’s sake, mate! Maybe it’s all a path that leads to her. I mean, ya never know if you don’t try.”

Ashton nodded as he poked and prodded at his peppered eggs with a fork. They had cooled significantly now, and his hunger was only growing stronger. “I’m supposed t’be the wise one. ‘m older.”

In response, Calum snorted and uttered out a meek “yeah, right.”

“I’ll– I’ll go back tonight.”

And, Ashton did. His stomach twisted tightly as his long legs took him in quick strides across bridges and down busy streets. He kept his head down the entire time, his thin sweatshirt hood loose against his untamed hair (he hadn’t thought to put in the energy). The cold bit, and he figured he would have to invest in a nice winter coat from some store down Newbury. He heard it had a lot of nice stores.

The bar was quiet again, the same few guys still situated on their stools as if they hadn’t left in six days. He paid for a beer – didn’t matter what kind – and stalked towards the same table he had sat at before. Everything was the same, but you weren’t there, and he assumed you wouldn’t be. For a second, he hoped he had gotten the time all wrong, or maybe he had imagined the whole thing. Moments later, his beer had gone down a few centimeters, and you were rushing down the stairs with your guitar case on your back and a music stand in your hand.

“Sorry, sorry Stewart!” you yelped after banging the shoulder of one of the men at the bar.

“Jesus, Y/N, you don’t have t’rush,” he joked, but you continued on hurrying to get your things set up. “We’ll be here all night.”

You huffed. “Well, how ya gonna have an enjoyable night without me?”

Someone else chuckled. “I’ll drink to that.”

So could Ashton. His heart rate had tripled since you raced in wearing your cute bee socks. He hoped the flush of your skin meant more than the freezing temperatures outside, but he wasn’t entirely confident you had noticed him sitting there until you were situated on your stool.

“You missed out on the happy songs,” you said as you – to his surprise – gazed over at him. “That’s okay. I’ve got a few more in store.”

Ashton didn’t cry often when it came to happy songs–– he truly thought his reactions to music were pretty conventional. Somehow, you were able to evoke more emotion than he even knew he had. His beer had more tears in it than alcohol by the end of your set. He wondered why no one had discovered you yet, but then again, you fit perfectly in the position you were in: playing for only him to listen.

He wanted to do what Calum suggested. He wanted to talk to you and personally get your name without having to know it because he overheard it from Stewart. For some reason, every ounce of confidence that Ashton had spent years developing in the music industry stood no chance in comparison to you. He darted as soon as you smiled his way.

Ashton had burned through four bottles of Naked juice by the next evening. It was his compensation for hardly having a thing to drink at the bar simply because his brain chose to be infatuated with you for that short amount of time. Also, he bent the shower head by accident, and he almost locked himself on the roof last night when exploring.

In the morning, he had briefly forgotten where he was. There were ten texts from friends awaiting him as he fumbled with the coffee machine in the kitchen, and most of them had something to do with him flying across the country to a city that hardly mattered a thing to him. Ashton chose not to answer any of them. He didn’t owe anyone an explanation for his decisions; however, he felt as though he owed you his ears. You deserved to have someone who cared about your music.

You, on the other hand, had been hoping and praying that the previous night would run smoothly. Ashton had no reason to show again, and you assumed he had only been in town briefly. And then, he hid in the corner once more, eyes trained hard on you as the tears threatened to spill. You had to blink a few times to make sure your mind wasn’t playing tricks on you. This man played arenas holding thousands all across the world. You played for your roommates and middle-aged drunkards in a bar with a maximum capacity of thirty. He should not have been there.

Though the nerves were still there as you played through John Denver covers and original songs that would only see the inside of the bar, it was nice to have someone new listen in. It was numbing to only play for Richard, Frank, Steve, and Stewart. Now there was Ashton, the famous drummer who somehow found his way to Boston and somehow wandered into the same bar you played at a few times a week. Had someone filmed you and posted it online? Was he here pretending to be a talent scout?

You needed to know. But Ashton was good. In that same minute you were putting away your guitar, he slipped out again.

So, you figured he wouldn’t show anymore. Nobody of great importance stayed in Boston long enough. And then, he did show. For the third time in a row, Ashton was giving you his full attention, and you weren’t sure how you felt about it. He showed a fourth time, and then a fifth. A whole two weeks had passed, and he was still showing up.

By this point, you convinced yourself that it was a-look-alike.

Ashton, meanwhile, was convinced that you were the reason he was here in the first place. He didn’t know if it was the cute giggle that escaped your lips when you slipped up on the chords, or the crinkles by your eyes once you let yourself get lost completely in a song. Or, maybe it was the precious pout you wore when there were mic difficulties.

It was possible he had become a bit too hooked.

“What even is there to do in Boston?” asked Luke while Ashton was busy avoiding ducks and squirrels by the edge of the pond. A part of him considered dropping his phone into the shallow waters, but his friends needed to know that he was doing okay.

“Uhh,” Ashton glanced around, the dead leaves and bundled-up strangers catching his eye. Truly, he should have picked Italy or something. “Ride a train. Eat food. Yell at cars.”

Someone cackled on the other end of the call. “You make me sad.” It was Michael.

“I’m fine,” the dirty-blond answered, “truly. It’s about Christmas time, so the lights are really nice. Depends on where ya go but things are like, kinda calm here. And, there’s this bar– “

“Jesus, Ash, have you even talked to her?” asked Calum.

“Well, no, but– “

“Her?” It was Michael again.

Ashton frowned. “Well there’s– uh, there’s this– “ He kicked at a few stones and watched them tumble into the water. “Girl.”

A chorus of ooo’s and laughter filled the receiver before Luke spoke up and said, “All right, Ash, buddy. What’s she like? Satisfyin’?”

“I-I haven’t even talked to her yet.”

And then, there was a moment of silence.

“She plays at this bar,” Ashton continued, “a few times a week. And, fuck, she’s like if Sara Bareilles and Phoebe Bridgers had a baby or somethin’. ‘m probably the only person in that joint who gives a flyin’ fuck about her. She’s so beautiful.”

“Well shit, Ash,” Michael interjected, “what’re you waitin’ for?”

“That’s what I told him!” Calum shouted.

Ashton didn’t know. He didn’t know after the phone call ended, and he still didn’t know on his walk back home. He thought about you too much to not give this a chance.

At home, he thought about you while making dinner or shaving his beard. He thought about you when coming up with strategic ways to get around the city without being seen. He thought about you once he finally figured out how the train system worked. No matter what, he thought about you, the cute girl who sang her heart out for people who only talked over her.

He wondered if you thought about him, too. There was no possible way you hadn’t noticed his presence–– you locked eyes too many times and it made his heart flop every damn time.

Ashton would spend the walk over to the bar thinking about what sweater you would wear that night. Would it be blue or red? Would it fit perfectly or leave enough room for another human to cuddle underneath? You took your shoes off when performing, so he began to think about what socks you would wear, too. The blue ones with cats? The frilly white ones? The rainbow ones with dinosaurs? His smile grew wide as he climbed down the stairs to the small bar.

Tonight was the night he would talk to you he decided. He couldn’t fall into the habit of coming and going, especially when he truly wanted to talk to you. Somehow, those billions of nerves held him back.

Ashton sat at a table closer to the tiny stage. You were in the middle of a song when your eyes glanced down to his figure, and he swore you could see his cheeks burning hotter than the neon sign beside his head.

“Hey stranger,” you said after the song had ended, and you sent a wink his way. “This next one is dedicated to you.”

His mouth fell open, but he quickly covered up the expression with a long sip of his beer. It was like you knew how to win him over. A few chuckles sounded the bar from behind him, but he couldn’t take it upon himself to care as your nimble fingers strummed a melody that felt like pure honey in his ears. Your voice was what made it sweet.

It was possible the small bit of alcohol that made the fuzz in head travel down his spine. The bubbling in his chest was an artist, for the smile it etched on his face was unlike no other he had felt. Ashton couldn’t imagine the sensation of actually speaking to you face-to-face.

“Thank you to my– my number one fan,” you mumbled shyly with the prettiest smile that could send anyone into a euphoric state. Your eyes were gentle as they peered down at him, and he swore his heart had taken a flight to Milan by now.

You turned around to pack your things, and Ashton had to restrain himself from fleeing like he typically did every time. Usually, he was better at this. He could talk to anyone back home without a single ounce of anxiety, but now, his feet did most of the talking. So, he imagined that he was stuck butt-first in cement and stayed still.

He didn’t know that you would nearly drop everything when you turned to see him there. Ashton fought free of his invisible restraints so he could rush over and help gather your lyric sheets, but he didn’t know he would be so shaky doing so. He hadn’t been this nervous since the first ever performance with his band.

“S-shit, thanks– thank you,” you sputtered, clearly flustered from the accidental mishap. You began to lightly laugh at yourself as you crouched down, and he admired that. “’m a bit clumsy.”

“Is that your name?” he asked and cracked a smile. “A bit clumsy?”

Maybe you had blushed, maybe you hadn’t. Or, maybe it was the few lights shining directly on the two of you from above the small stage. “Uh, n-no. ‘s Y/N.”

He smiled and nodded, reaching out his free hand to shake your own free hand. He knew your hands would be soft despite the guitar callouses, but he hadn’t realized how badly he wouldn’t want to let go. “Ashton.”

“Yeah,” you replied hazily, then your eyes widened before you rose to your feet. He followed suit as you stuttered out, “I-I mean yeah, I– shoot. I mean I know who you are, it’s just– “

“Y’okay?” He grinned. So, he wasn’t the only one who was nervous. That was good.

You nodded. “I’m– I’m great. Just confused.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well...” You shrugged and placed the sheets of music back onto the music stand. “You-you're not exactly a Boston native. And, you keep comin’ to this bar.”

“Cos’ you’re talented.”

“And– wait, what?”

Ashton’s smile grew. You truly did have more confidence on stage than you did in person; it just meant you were destined to perform. “I keep comin’ back to hear you. I like your stuff. I like your voice.”

You gazed up at him, cheeks hot, and you were desperate to get out of the harsh lighting you had been sitting in for close to a half hour. Behind him, the folks at the bar were chatting and gazing back occasionally at the two of you. “You’re... wow.”

“You’re really good.”

“Th-thank you,” you replied, “so much.” The smile had yet to escape you, and it was possible that it had grown larger. “Um, so why-why are you in Boston? Of all places?”

It hadn’t occurred to him that you would ask that question. Surprisingly, in the past two weeks, no one had. He went a few days without getting recognized altogether, but he knew he’d have to answer questions at some point. But, for now, he shrugged. He didn’t know the answer. “Spontaneous adventure.”

You chuckled. “To Boston...”

He laughed a little, too. “Yeah, to Boston.”

The simple question of “can I walk you home?” could only go so far. Ashton hadn’t insinuated anything, and you didn’t think he had either. But if both of you were honest, you didn’t want to say goodbye just yet. So, you told him to “hold tight” as you raced up to your apartment to drop your things off. He was in the same spot where you had left him, hands deep in the pocket of his pretty-penny coat that had a hood the size of Canada.

“Y’sure you don’t have plans?” he asked you, letting out a puff of air through the frigid night. Ashton didn’t mind the cold as long as he spent it with someone to preoccupy his thoughts. You were well-qualified for that–– he couldn’t think of anything else but you and the way the lights in the trees reflected in your eyes.

“It’s eight-thirty on a Thursday night,” you said. “Normally, I’d be in bed by now.”

Ashton let out a chuckle, and he couldn’t believe that he could have had this last week. You admitted that you had been hoping he’d stick around after all this time, and ever since that moment, he tried not to mental curse himself.

“Walk fast,” you muttered to him. “My favorite coffee shop closes in an hour and a half.”

You were taking him through parks and vacant neighborhood streets, and he was grateful. These were shortcuts he hadn’t thought to take himself. Besides, he’d rather enjoy them with you anyway. You hopped off of curbs, kicked stones in your path, and jogged across large fields whenever the two of you came upon one. He had never met anyone who found such joy in the little things, and he loved that about you. The night was cold, but you were happy.

Were you happy because you were with him?

Ashton tried to enjoy it as much as you (well, he did enjoy himself, but he preferred watching you enjoy yourself–– it meant more to him anyway). Watching the way your eyes lit up as a few snow flurries fell from the sky was enough to keep his mood steady for the next few months.

“If we get coffee fast,” you said, “we could go to the MFA. I mean, like, you would have to pay unfortunately because I get in for free, but– “

“The MFA?” Ashton asked you as the two of you turned a corner. Before he realized, you were walking up a few steps and opening the door to the coffee shop you told him about.

“Museum of Fine Arts!” you exclaimed before greeting the baristas in the small establishment. “Can I get a small caramel latte with almond milk and a molasses cookie, please? Both to-go”

He grinned, still watching you intently as if you were made of pure gold. Everything you said was drenched in it. Ashton didn’t know how to not fall for you. He pulled out his wallet before you could and handed the person at the register his credit card as he said, “small cider for me, please. Also to-go.”

“Excuse you,” you gasped, and then you pouted, and Ashton thought he was going to lose his shit. Either that or his cheeks would fall off from smiling so much.

“You worked hard tonight,” he said. “You deserve it.”

You rolled your eyes. “Dummy.”

Ashton liked the fact that the two of you spoke to each other as if you had been friends all along. It felt natural, and that only made him more nervous. If it felt natural after only knowing you for a few hours, he couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel later on.

“Want some?” you asked, holding up the molasses cookie as you both began in the direction you came from. “It’ll change your life.”

“Uh, sure,” he replied, pulling off a bit of the cookie before placing it on his tongue. Ashton had never been a huge fan of molasses, but he didn’t mind it all that much. Nevertheless, he nearly moaned at the taste just to please you. “That’s crack,” he joked before taking a sip of his cooling cider. “MFA time?”

“You wanna go?” you asked with a small gasp. “You still wanna spend time with me? I’m shocked.”

He chuckled. “I don’t think tha’s a crime. You’re talented and fun to be around.”

“Half of the world is jealous of me,” you said.

“Yeah, well,” he sighed, “luckily, half of the world doesn’t know about you yet. Once they do...” Ashton didn’t want to think about you becoming overwhelmed with personalities and fans. He liked you here. He liked you now. And then, he realized he said yet. But you didn’t notice.

“I can only imagine,” you huffed through a mouthful of cookie. “Dunno how you’re able to get around here without strangers proddin’ into your life.”

“Ah, I’ve recently developed ninja skills,” he said. “And, I’m also Spider-Man, so I can jump from building to building. Oh, and I’m a mermaid, too so I can swim across the Charles if I need.”

You winced, and you even made an euughhh sound before saying, “I wouldn’t even stick a toe in the Charles if you dared me for a million dollars.”

Ashton felt his laughter deep in his chest, and he hadn’t expected it to echo as the two of you prepared to cross the giant field once again. And when you danced your way across the turf, he gladly held your belongings so he could slowly catch up to you. He was amazed that you felt no sense of embarrassment, but that made him even happier. It just meant that you were comfortable around him.

He didn’t mind paying for his ticket whatsoever–– he would spend all of the money in his bank account if it meant never leaving your side. You showed him all of your favorite pieces, like Dance at Bougival by the artist Pierre-Auguste Renoir (who, according to you, was definitely one of the best Impressionist painters), and you took him down to the Ansel Adams exhibit. That was his favorite part in particular; it was the kind of photography he wished he could create.

Most of all, Ashton didn’t mind standing back and admiring you from afar as your eyes scanned the wide canvases before you. He wanted you as close as possible, but he could appreciate your beauty in full this way.

“Do you smell potatoes?” you wondered aloud at one point, and truly, he did smell potatoes. The smell hit both of you before the sounds of whatever event was being held did. Soon after, you could hardly hear your thoughts over the band and loud chatter. “C’mon,” you said, taking his hand and pulling him down a large hall, “I wanna see if we can crash.”

Your hand was in his. Your hand was in his, and he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Your smile grew as you followed the blaring music into a great big hall. There were servers and chefs darting behind dividers, and from the middle of the room, you could see down into where the event took place. People were dressed to the nines as the band in the distance played a song he recognized from Notting Hill.

“Art installation,” you gasped, tugging on his hand. Meanwhile, he was trying to figure out a way to intertwine your fingers with his. “Do you think I could get them to let me in by wooing them with my magical voice?” you joked, giggling as your entire face lit up with laughter.

Ashton nodded. “You could woo them with your smile, darlin’,” he replied. The next moment, he managed to wedge his fingers in between yours, and you didn’t even think twice about it. Your eyes sparkled while you tried to sneak up further to catch a better glimpse at what was happening.

“Well, you could woo them with your smile... darlin’,” you said, shooting him a wink.

Ashton finally decided that Boston hadn’t been a bad idea after all.

“I’m not tired,” you replied despite yawning midsentence. “Promise. It’s only– “ You checked your phone. “It’s only two in the mornin’.”

“Bedtime for me, sweetheart,” Ashton chuckled. “But believe me, I don’t want this night to end either.”

You sighed, wrapped your arm around his as you rested your head on his bicep. Ashton felt the need to thank you for this. He felt warm around you, and not just because you were leaning into him. He had developed feelings for the idea of you during the past two weeks of witnessing your lovely performances, but tonight, he had developed feelings for the actual you. It was quite possible that you had as well.

“Where ya stayin’?” you mumbled against him.

“I have an Airbnb on the next street over from here,” he responded as he glanced down at your tired self all cuddled against him. It made his heart got berserk. “But ‘m gonna walk you back to your place.”

“You don’t have t’do that,” you said.

Ashton shrugged lightly. “I want to.”

You sighed again, letting your head fall back against him as he pulled you closer (if that were even possible). The two of you walked in comfortable, sleepy silence down a few more blocks and over avenues. At one point, he swore you had fallen asleep, yet your feet were still walking as normal with him blindly guiding you along. He didn’t recognize where he was whatsoever, though, within a few minutes, the two of you reached your destination.

“Hm, we’re here,” you mumbled, blinking rapidly before rubbing your eyes.

“So we are,” he said, mostly to himself as his brain sped through countless options as to what he should do next. Would he ask for your number? Would he tell you he’d see you again soon? Ashton didn’t know what to do, but the moment you stepped closer to him, he knew he needed to pull you in for a hug. He needed your warmth, and you gladly accepted his. And when you began to pull away, you stood high on your toes and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.

“See you tonight?” you asked, a lazy smile forming on your features as you slowly backed up towards the front door to the building.

He grinned, grazing his cheek with his fingers as he muttered out a satisfied, “see you tonight.”

Ashton started his novel the next afternoon, the words finally hitting his brain in just the right places as they found their home on an empty word document. He wrote and wrote, his fingers hardly feeling the repercussions of the endless typing, and before he knew it, it was time to see you again. A part of him wanted you here with him as he wrote–– maybe you were the inspiration he needed all along.

And when he walked into that bar he now knew all too well, you were already there to greet him with a smile so big, any satellite in space could see it. Ashton knew he would be head-over-heels from the get-go; however, he hadn’t expected to fantasize about stupid things like taking road trips or late-night kisses. They weren’t stupid per se, though they weren’t his typical fantasies. Sure, he had a hard time showering without thinking of you, but that made him feel guilty. He could bite his fist and pull his hair all he wanted, and he’d still wonder about how you liked your eggs or what your favorite color was.

He took you out to eat afterward, both to congratulate you on another fabulous performance and to make it known that this did, in fact, count as a date. He had even let the word slip out once or twice, hopeful enough that you would catch on and not feel uncomfortable. You made it clear that you were enjoying yourself nevertheless. You wouldn’t be playing sugar packet Jenga with him otherwise (at least, that was what he assumed).

An hour or so later, he was walking you home again. Instead of you reaching up to kiss his cheek, he bent down to kiss your lips, and the world felt okay once again.

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rcsefleur-blog · 5 years ago

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hi all !! this is an introduction to my freshest muse and newest baby yeo eunchan otherwise and more commonly known as ‘chan’, he’s a sweetheart but of course because its me and i can’t resist giving my muses slight torture, he’s a tormented sweetheart. if you look at his pinterest here you’ll get an idea of his style better since that’s pretty essential to him as a muse in this case hshd. below the cut you can find out a bit more about him and if you hit the like, i’ll be sure to throw him at you for plots !! lets get into it:

BACKSTORY:

chan’s childhood wasn’t particularly dark or strained. he is by far the least tragic out of all my muses. but for me, that’s still pretty tragic by mosts standards. growing up he always had a very supportive father in regard to his homosexuality and androgynous qualities. he grew up in a happy home and despite not being rich he was very fortunate to have rich opportunities come his way. to be fair he’s pretty easily pleased but most of his experiences thus far have been plentiful

perhaps that is why his luck has to run out somewhere down the line, in the worst way it possibly could. his mother passed when he was young due to cancer. it was a grave and difficult time for his father as well as the rest of the family. his father crumbled eventually, in the hospital with health issues now that are so severe he’s due to pass any day and is basically in a vegetative state already. chan was left to raise his five year old sister nari and take on the responsibility.

for this reason, he could be considered a struggling single father as he’s pushing his own dreams and goals aside to accomodate for nari and make sure she has the best upbringing which is comfortable for her, where she can see chan as a father figure as well as an older brother now, who can be relied upon and responsible. balancing the line and the roles between brother and father isn’t always easy though when the lines are constantly blurred. he has sacrificed most of himself and his youth to keep nari happy and healthy and mostly untouched by the death of their parents.

this hasn’t been easy though, it’s left chan isolated and with no one to speak to but the five year old girl a lot of his feelings get locked in a box and left unexplored, he cannot have a moment of hesitation or weakness because then that will affect nari. his mourning process and grieving has been put on a backline, and he only really allows himself to break down in quiet moments without nari. such as when walking through the forest to be with nature, visiting their graves or on the edge of his bed having a good cry when nari is fast asleep due to the feeling of living in the empty space where his parents used to fill it all up.

PERSONALITY:

chan is a makeup artist, he does it professionally for models and artists all throughout the industry but he also does it for fun, becoming pretty popular as a person who gives tutorials on youtube and instagram as an ‘influencer’ but he really hates that label and prefers to simply think of himself as an artist. he also does the bit of fashion blogging and photography on the side.

he considers himself an adventurer and for that reason he also travels a lot, usually while he is there he’ll study as he does photography for a course as well as a part time student and his main interest is in ancient architecture and art. most of the time he’ll roadtrip in his styled up vintage pick up but occasionally its flights to more beachy area’s, his two favorite places are greece and italy and he spends most of his time in those places if he can.

chan has a very vintage sense of style and he enjoys doing most things the traditional and old school way. although he does add a modern mindset to a lot of it. aesthetically style wise envision chan as fingers full of plenty of rings, ankle bracelets and arm cuffs with loose puffy sleeved shirts and ripped up mom jeans or high waisted ones. he cycles mostly everywhere on his vintage style bike.

very much a gentle soul, little bit of a nerd and activist in the sense he wants to save the earth. he can be really intense about learning about nature and how to preserve it. he has always felt the most in touch with the natural world compared to the hum and chaos of the modern world and city life. he’s no saint of course and he’s still a sucker for coffee but other than that he likes to think he does his best.

paints and draws very amazingly likewise, he prefers to draw flowers and people the most but he’ll work with whatever he’s got on hand. usually you can only catch him whipping out a sketchbook if he’s feeling stressed or overwhelmed as a form of escapism and quiet time.

he is a little bit of a quixotic type so sue him, like one of the ‘have you ever fallen in love’ 'five times a day’ types but it’s not obsessive, it’s more of an admiration he considers all people beautiful and worthy of love in their own way and would state most of them are art to him. you could be the worst person and he’d be all ’ you dont have all the facts’ 'which are?’ 'i love them’.

although he doesn’t identify as genderfluid, he has a very genderfluid and androgynous sense of fashion and often wears clothing and makeup typically labelled as being more feminine. he likes a soft and classy look that usually consists of a good lip tint or ultra glossy lip and a natural but glittery smokey eye look. think kinda like the instagram influencer ivanbaaaaah for reference.

MISC:

growing up chan struggled with religion a lot, he and his family are very religious but his sexuality caused some issues. his father had always been supportive but his mother was a different story, unfortunately his memories with her aren’t the fondest. though he has a very dark history with religion, he loves to be in churches that are empty or abandoned for moments of reflection. often he wonders if he doesn’t even have god as the one consistent and reliable thing in his life, then what the hell does he have. he feels even now sometimes that he’s letting god and his mother down for the way he is but there is less shame now than what he suffered when younger.

everything in his life basically revolves around nari, she goes most places with him and any task he’ll find a way to make fun for her, he doesn’t spoil her but he also doesn’t ever leave her to go without even if that is at his expense to do so. they love to bake together and he does that pretty often.

has a part time job as a barista on night shifts and also in a patisserie. he works from home on his influencer content again to accommodate for nari and he also takes his course in photography and media online to best suit nari so he doesn’t have to leave her with a babysitter too often as he believes that’s no childhood and him just being lazy in his duty towards her as her parental figure at this pivotal time in her life.

he’s putting off most of his dreams and aspirations right now for until nari is older, he could’ve been much more famous as an influencer but he chose not to be and put those opportunities to broaden his career on hold for a while because having a famous sibling in her life wasn’t the kind of overwhelming attention and pressure nari needed to be surrounded with right now.

he honestly just wants to make sure nari grows up feeling safe, comfortable and happy as well as confident in herself and chan. she’s his primary responsibility and he considers himself her closest bet to a father now so he wants her to feel she has that bond with him as well as the bond of him being her brother.

PLOT BUNNIES:

a babysitter plot would be great, someone who he can rely on and uses often to leave nari with when he has no other choice and particularly on nights when he has to work. ideally it would be someone nari felt very close to and idolized so he knew they had an amazing relationship and she’d be happy and relaxed when he was gone. he’s very over protective of her so he’d also have to feel pretty close to the person. it could go any way really, it could be a pining thing, a best friend thing, whatever honestly.

this boy definitely needs a confidant so throw that at me any day.

friends who can help him reconnect with religion and spirituality in different ways so he knows there’s always a way for him to feel tied to god somehow and a god who loves him and best suits his needs somewhere even if it isn’t necessarily in the religion he grew up with.

work buddies at the cafe he works in or patisserie would be amazing too.

maybe a tutor/study buddy kinda person he met online through doing his course of media and photography to make sure he was making up for the classes he was missing out on by not being able to attend day lectures in college.

just people with the similar hobby of photography would also be awesome or models even that he can do a couple of freelance jobs for on the side when they need him.

muses for him to draw they’d be very special people indeed bc chan will rarely whip his sketchbook out in front of anyone let alone ask to draw them.

more single parent muses would also be awesome eventually or older siblings who kind of take on that role half the time so have some idea of what its like who he could meet through taking nari to things like nursery, etc.

neighbor bc who doesn’t love a good single dad and his neighbor plot who’s all like woah that guy is super young and he has a kid but im also sure there’s no woman on the scene and wow they’re noisy and its kinda infuriating but its also cute as hell cause he’s a hella good dad and in the mornings i can hear them baking and doing food fights or playing together and i often see them messing about coming back from grocery shopping etc and actually its kinda touching??

gay pals cause we love gay pals as well as ur everyday pals we love a platonic bond between fellow gays.

love interests of any kind rlly, pining situations, crushing, flings, ex’s ( they’d have had to have ended on good terms tho bc chan just can’t hate anyone ), first times e.g. sexually, boyfriend, kiss u get the idea

#daegu:intro #daeguintro

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ethereal-lix · 6 years ago

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You have sweaty hands

Alright, so this doesnt have a title and this is part two to the request. Again, i would like to apologise for the long wait.

Warnings: None except for terrible writing, probably some grammatical errors i have no one to proof read and im too lazy to do it since its 2:30am

Here is part one with Got7. i hope you all enjoy :)

Request:Hi, can I request a got7 and bts reaction (it can be separated or in the same post idc.) about their shy gf and her hand gets sweaty when he's holding her hand for to long? I have this problem so I need help.😣😣😭😭😖😳

Jin: You and Jin were at an amusement park for one of your rare dates out in public. You guys never really got to go out much, in general really. Jin was always busy with the boys, whether he was recording, filming something, on tour, practicing for the new music video, or the new dance, there was always something that kept him and you from having “real dates” so when you talked to him about how it had been months since he last took you out on a real date he promised to take you to the new amusement park that just opened a few weeks ago. You were so happy that you accepted on the spot and felt like you didnt need to hear anymore than the promise. Oh how you wished you had lt him finish saying what he was saying since you’re not too keen on amusement parks because of the crowd of people and the rides. You didnt do well with those two things adn now not only were they put together when you get nervous your hands start to sweat. Now add that to being shy and you have yourself a whole lot of problems. “Jin..” you begin to say before he cuts you

off with a kiss to the temple, “You already said yes, you cant back down now” “That was before i knew what our date was going to be like.” You countered. “You know i dont do well with situations like this.” “It’ll be fun” Jin stated as he grabbed your hand literally dragging you to the closest ride. As time went on you found yourself having a lot of fun and you didnt know why you freaked out in the first place. That was until you saw the roller coaster that Jin was dragging you to. “Woah, wait, Jin no.” Jin stopped and looked at you. “What do you mean ‘no’?” he questioned. “Exactly what the word means Jin. No! im not getting on that ride. i’ll get one very other one but that one” Jin looked at you before a light bulb wen toff above his head. You gave him a quizzical looking silently asking him what he was thinking. Almost as if he could read your min he stuck his hand out. “Oh no, we are not playing rock, paper, scissors to see if ill get on that ride.” “What? are you scared that you’ll lose rock, paper, scissors?” He challenged. You’ve never lost a game of rock, paper, scissors to anyone so what do you have to be worried for, right? Wrong. THe next thing you know you’re standing in line for that ride. “I cant believe i lost rock, paper, scissors.” you grumbled standing in line. Jin laughed at you before he grabbed your wrist uncrossing your arms from your chest so he can hod your hands. “Woah, your hands are super sweaty, are you okay? i didnt know you were this nervous. We can leave the line if you want? i can just come back with the boys or something?” You let out a deep sigh before you shook your hand loose from his grasp. “No, its fine i’ll get on the ride.” “You sure?” “Yeah..” you whisper with a small smile. Once it was your turn tp go and you two were all situated in the seats and prepared to go on the ride of your life your grabbed his hand once more. “No need to be scared sweetie, itll be okay” Jin smiled at you giving your hand a small squeeze before he kissed the back of your hand.

Suga: BTS was invited to an award show in the states and Yoongi had invited you as his plus one. You and Yoongi had been secretly dating for almost 11 months now and the fans just recently started to suspect something going on between you two. You were thankful that it look them this long to start suspecting something, but also a little sad that they started snooping around so soon. Since Yoongi had invited you as his plus one this would be your fist public appearance as a couple. You were excited but at the same time scared. What would everyone think? Would they fans like you? Hate you? You didnt know and that made you super nervous. You were already nervous for many reason and worrying about whether or not the fans would support you and your guys relationship. You already had sweaty palms, especially when you got nervous and now yo were about to have millions of people looking at you and watching your every move and that just made you sweat even more. as you had made it to the red carpet event Jimin had noticed that you were unusually quiet and hit Yoongis shoulder with the back of his hand and pointed at you. Yoongi leaned in and whispered in your ear while grabbing your hand. “Hey, Y/N you okay? Your hand is pretty sweaty.” “Uhhh yeah, just a little nervous i guess.” you mumbled back while taking your hand out of his to wipe it on your dress. “No need to be nervous. For any reason. You’ll have a good time during the event, the fans will love you, and no one will bother you. People are usually really good when it comes to giving significant others’ their personal space. I promise everything will go smoothly.” He stated while grabbing your hand and walking down the carpet.

Jhope: Today you were going with Hobi top his holiday party with the boys and their company. It would be the first time you met with the people who managed your boyfriends group and the boys he spends most of his time with, so to say that you were nervous would be an understatement. You sighed as you fixed the wrinkles in your dress. “There is no need to be nervous, everyone will love you.” You looked into the mirror staring at Hobis reflection, “But-” “But nothing, they will love you. They all cant wait to meet you. All i do is talk about you and i can tell you right now that they already love you and they cant wait to meet you.” he interrupted you while walking over to fix the back of your dress. You exhaled and looked into his eyes. “I guess you’re right..” you replied turning around to give him a quick peck to his lips. “Lets go before i get to nervous and back out.” As you got out of the car and walked up to the house where the party was taking place you instinctively rubbed your hands up and down your dress trying to wipe your hands off. Hobi looked at you before chuckling lightly and resting his hand on your lower back. “Like i said no need to worry.” Hobi reached down to grab your hand, before you swiftly moved it away. Looking at you with concerned before he gave you a questioning look. “Are you okay?” He murmured. You stammered for a second before you answered “Y..yeah im fine, its just.. my hands are really sweaty and i dint wanna hold yours ‘cause thats kinda gross.” Hobi laughed his beautiful laugh before grabbing your hand and knocking on the door. “Jagi, trust me when i say, i’ll never not want to hold your hand. Sweaty or not.”

RM: You were currently on your way to go to the airport so you and your boyfriend and his band can go to Canada for a few concerts before taking a small break and picking back up in America with their newest comeback tour. You didnt do too well with heights but you managed, but plane rides were something completely different. there was no way around it. you had no where to go to avoid looking down, you had no other way to look where you wouldn't see how high up you were. It was only you, your mind, your fear, your thoughts, and that long, long, long plane ride. “Sweets you okay?” Namjoon whispered in your ear. “Uhm, yeah, im fine.” You stuttered out quietly. Namjoon looked around the car to see if any of the boys were awake at the moment, thankfully they werent. “Are you sure? You dint look okay, and youre doing that things with your hands when you get nervous.” He pointed to your hands and you looked down noticing that you were rubbing your hands together in hopes of not letting your hands get to sweaty. “Oh..” was all you could manage to get out. “Are you nervous about the plane ride?” You nodded before letting out a deep sigh. “Yeah. Sometimes i wonder how i flew to Korea on my own.” “Its going to be okay, especially since you got me and the boys here with you this time.” He mumbled against your temple before placing a chaste kiss to it and grabbing your hand. “Wait, wait..” “It’s fine. I dont mind. Especially because when i come home from dance practice you hug me and im sweating all over the place. I think i can handle a little had sweat.” He smiled down at you sweetly, “plus i love your hands, theyre so small compared to mine and i just love your hands.” You looked down with a slight blush, “and ill make sure that you sit in the middle and ill have Hobi switch seats with Tae so Hobi can sit with you and i and help keep you distracted.”

Jimin: You and Jimin had arrived at the studio for your photoshoot. You and Jimin decided that you would release a duet just for the fun of it and at first it seemed fun, especially since it was 2:30 in the morning and you guys were pretty drunk, but now that youve made it past the writing and producing stages of the song and are now working on the visuals for the song you got super nervous. You werent the best singer, but you werent the best and the mire you thought about it the more nervous you got because what would the public say? Would they like it? Would they like you? Would they hate the song because you’re singing a song with their beloved Jimin? All the possibilities that could go wrong were running a thousand miles a minute in your head. “Love, you gotta stop worrying. Remember this song is just for fun. Its not meant it be a real single or a debut song. It was just for fun. Nothing more nothing less, so if the fans and public dont like it its fine. We didnt do this for them we did it for us.” He reassured you. “I hope youre right.” You mumble before being dragged away by the stylists to get you ready for the shoot. Once they had finished getting you all ready you walked to the set. “You look amazing love” Jimin greeted you from behind. “Were almost ready for you guys.”The stage manager stated as he walked by grabbing some props for the background. You turned around to face the set taking a few deep breaths. Jimin noticed how nervous you were and walked up behind you wrapping you up in a hug before turning you around to face him and grabbing your very clammy hands. “Like i said, this was just for fun, if people dont like it thats fine. All that matters ist hat you had fun, and i want you to have fun during this experience so dont think about anyone or anything and focus on me, and what were doing right here, right now, in this moment. When you look back on this i want you to have a good memory and i dont want you to regret that you spent too much time worrying about the reviews and what people are going to think. Let go and have fun in the moment. Worry about everything when you get to that bridge, yah?” You smiled and nodded your head walking on to set getting ready for the photoshoot.

V: “Come on, Y/N its okay. All you have to do is just record the demo track fo r us and then well have someone else record your part. We just need to make sure that we get the right member to sing the part, and maybe you can do the background vocals?” Tae tried to bargain with you. “Tae, no i cant sing that well anyways so please just drop it.” You were in the shower when Tae had came home early. You didnt hear the door open since your music was blasting and Tae had walked into your bedroom looking for you when he heard your voice floating out of the bathroom and now as you were getting dressed Tae was trying to get you to sing on a demo track for him and the boys. “I’ll give you a choice, you can either record the demo for me or you can ne on the actual track. Personally i would prefer that you record the actual track. Your voice will compliment Jimins really well, pleaseeee!!!” Tae begged you while lightly shaking your arm. Suddenly he gasped, “How about we play rock, paper, scissors? I win you have to record the track with Jimin, you win and you wont have to record the song or even do the demo track.” You eyed him up adn down before you caved. Whats the worst that can happen? You surely wont lose, right? Wrong. Oh boy you were so wring. As you and Tae pulled up to the studio you started freaking out. “Tae, i really dont wanna do this, i cant sing, and all the boys will laugh when they hear me sing.” You whined into his ear as you walked through the doors to the booth. “No, the boys wont make fun of you, i promise.” Tae breathed out while grabbing your hand. “Oh wow, you really are nervous arent you?” “Yesss!!” you whined even more dragging out the ‘s’. Tae laughed before he pulled you off to the side. “Seriously, dont be nervous. Everything will go smoothly. I promise, and ill be right there by your side the whole time.” You exhaled and walked into the booth greeting the boys. “Thank you so much for doing this with me Y/N” Jimin beamed at you. You smiled as you relaxed, “no problem Jimin. Are you ready?” Tae smiled as he watched you slightly shake your hands hoping that the air would help dry them of more quickly.

Jungkook: You knew what you were signing up for when you said yes to being jungkooks girlfriend. You knew about the fans, the long days and nights away from him, the tours, the fan meets, the sleepless nights, him not eating much, him being gone most of the time, hi wanting to record you and have you help him out with songs and his Golden Closet Productions. You knew that he was adventurous and spontaneous, but you never took him for someone who would be down for bungee jumping. You shouldve seen it coming and you shouldve known that eventually he would want to go bungee jumping, but he never mentioned it, never even hinted at it, but now here you are, in the car with the rest of the boys, on your way to go bungee jumping. You, Jin, and Hobi were talking about how scared you guys were and how yall really didnt wanna do this, while Jungkook and Tae were talking about how much they wanted to do this and couldnt wait to arrived at the place. Jimin and Namjoon were indifferent about it. They werent scared or excited. They didnt know how to feel, honestly. Yoongi, was sleeping, as usual. On car rides he’d rather catchup on some much needed sleep. As the car pulled up to the area where you’d be jumping to your death you took in a sharp breathe and got out of the car. You walked with Hobi on your right while kookie was on your left. Once you walked up to the instructor you look down over the cliff. At least theres water so if the cord breaks youll have water to land in versus the cold hard ground. “Whatcha thinkin ‘bout hun?” Jungkook asked from behind you making you jump. “Just thanking the higher gods above that theres water underneath this bridge.”Jungkook laughed as he grabbed your hand. “No, please dont hold my hand.” You whispered as you tried to take your hand back. “Why?” Jungkook looked at you with so much confusion. “Im so nervous that my hands are sweating uncontrollably and i dont want you to hold my hand cause thats gross and you shouldnt have to hold my sweaty hands.” “I’m your boyfriend, and one of the best perks of dating you is getting to hold your hands so thats exactly what im going to do. Hold your hand. Sweat or no sweat. I love you. No lets go bungee jumping. I really wanna see you scream your heart out.” Jungkook laughed while pulling you over to the instructor so you can get all ready to go up and jump. “Uhh, i have a question before i go up there. Can i jump with my boyfriend?” The instructor thought about it for a minute. “Sure, why not?” and with that he let Jungkook on the platform with you.

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sophieyouneedtogetbetter · 3 years ago

Text

Journal entries

December 11th 2018

I see no point in anything anymore, i am so lonely and sad. No one likes me and no one cares for me. I get myself into situations that i can't get out out of. I act out on the ones who love me, they shouldn't forgive me, but they do anyways..

I am just a big problem and i am misunderstood. No one knows how i feel half the time, it's so hard to describe. I feel like I couldn't be fixed even if i tired.

I am so unmotivated and lazy, i try to get things done but i get to distracted and pulled into a cold spiral of depression or anxiety. It's hard to do anything now, i am so scared that i will never be good enough or i wont get into college or even get through this year alone.

I need to stop going to others for my own happiness and find it myself. I need to stop getting into relationships just to not feel lonely.

My grades are dropping and i will never get anywhere, all my teachers and friends are disappointed in me and they also think i wont get anywhere either.

Everyone is always worried about me because they think i will cut myself again or try and kill myself. I don't want to die i just want to be happy and be normal.

I’m sick and tired of being so problematic and always sad or tired. But i am always sad and tired and i don't know what to do about it.

I am always so paranoid and it's scary because sometimes i dont know whats real and whats not, sometimes i feel like i'm almost lucid dreaming or in a movie or something. I feel like i'm drifting and something is pulling me back and they won't let go. My mind gets all blurry and i can't focus, i feel like still things are moving on their own.

I feel exhausted on days where i've had a good night's rest, i just dont want to feel like this anymore, it's a living hell. I want to be free from this feeling..

February 27th 2019

it’s a new year.. i thought things would get better but they have gotten worse. i’ve got a new therapist and she’s not helping. i’ve been cutting a lot lately and i’m very scared. sunday i cut very deep, there was a lot of blood. i felt nauseous and sick and the thing that scares me the most is that i thought i was done, i thought that i was gonna bleed out and hours later when it was about dinner time my parents would find me dead. but that didn’t happen i’m here and i’m alive. something that makes me terrified is that the one thing that i go to for release isn’t giving me that adrenaline and satisfaction that i’ve felt before and now i sit here and ask myself what am i gonna go to next, and i’m gonna go to hard drugs or even worse.. suicide.. i don’t want to die but the thing is that i black out when i cut and what if i was to cut to deep and actually bleed out and die. i don’t want that to happen.

while i type this i’m very scared and anxious, i’ve never thought that it would get like this. i would never think i would find myself in my room scared and out of control of my actions with harming myself. just one little accident and it would be all over. i could do it now but i don’t want to. i don’t want to ever die. i need to get my shit together, i know what i need to do to feel happy again but i don’t want to. saddens has consumed me and it’s so damn comfortable. i need to get my shit together, maybe tomorrow maybe in five years but i guess for now i will fake it.

2021 January 13th

I don't wanna do this anymore. I'm in such a deep depression I'm so tired and so exhausted and miserable. The only good thing I have going is my relationship and friends which I good but I want my home life to be okay. I could give a fuck less about school or anything really just so I can feel at home again so I can be happy. Its sucks because I Rely so much on other people's emotions for my own. I can't be happy if everyone else isn't and i wanna fix it I wanna fix the way I feel but how do I do that when no body is listening. I'm 17, I don't have my license or a job, how am I suppose to find tools without having other tools. I need a therapist but they are so backed up even if I do put in an application for one ill be at the bottom of the list and it'll be probably a good month before I get one. I don't know what to do anymore.

February 22 2021

I get it not everything is resolved around me, but what's it going to take for someone to notice I am so fucking alone, that I am constantly fighting with myself constantly fighting to stay alive, always wondering what I'm doing wrong always thinking everyone hates me. It fuckinh exhausting I am so fucking tired I let everyone walk all over me always taking advantage of my empathy. What is wrong with me what am I doing wrong for people to not like me, I hate the fake excuses to not talk to me, I hate the snarky comments and all the glares. I feel like im sinking and everyone else around me is swimming everyone else is floating along while I'm drowning I'm trying to hard to stay up above the water what I know how easy it would be to sink, I want to sink. But what's going to happen if I do sink, will I swim with the fish or will I be eaten up by the sharks. Will this ever end, will I ever stay afloat. Will I ever find the confidence or the strength or the tools to stay alive.

April 11th 2021

Yesterday you expressed to me that your not sure if you want to be with me and how I am pretty to much for you and your not sure if you want a relationship, we laid down and after a couple minutes I told you that 2 years ago today you first told me you loved me which was kinda ironic considering the circumstances. We then had sex, which I insisted only because I knew it would make everything better. You wanted me to go to a party that I really didn't wanna go to but I went because I knew if I didn't I had really lost you. You said so many different things that night how you know you love me and how you care about me but how your mindset tells you otherwise and how you're not attached to me as much as I am to you. You left this morning and I texted you and asked how your day was and ypu ignored me. You said you are going to take me out to eat tonight but I just have this gut feeling that either 1 it's not going to happen or 2 it will and it'll be the last time I see you. I don't know if I can get past this, it hurts way to much. You're my best friend my person love I don't want to lose you I don't want to be alone I don't want to see you with other people. It's Hurts so much and I try and say it's my fault that it hurts so much because I overthink so much and that I just can't except love but I can but I say it's my fault so you won't leave. What else am I going to justify so you won't leave. I can't keep doing this. Maybe its just right person wrong timing, or maybe im just too fucked up to be loved by anyone. And the sad thing is If thinking about you and replaying our memories in my head is the closest thing to having you then I’ll do it no matter what . I’d drop everything to spend time with you but you wouldn’t do the same for me.

June 21st 2021

God what has happened. I've repressed to my old feelings, old playlist, old memories etc.. suicide has been heavy on my brain the past few days, same with self harm and just leaving everything behind and leaving. I feel so lost and helpless and confused into why I am feeling like this again. I cried the other day, the same kind of cry a baby cries when it misses its mother. I have this thought in my head running back and forth of wether I'm okay or I'm not. I'm constantly catching myself spacing off into old memories, like 8th grade. The feeling of being so numb and so tired that nothing could ever fix this feeling like I am so comfortable and so certain that I'm going to feel like this forever. I feel like a zombie. I feel bored. I feel useless. I feel tired, not the sleep tired. Just tired. Tired of pushing and pulling. My brain feels like mush. My body feels heavy and weightless at the same time. My chest feels tight and my eyes feel heavy. I feel comfortably miserable. I miss when I never had to give a shit about anything like school and work and dissipating people. I've done so good lately and held my shit together so well and it's so surprising because deep down I am screaming and begging for a break for someone to say it's okay to feel like shit and have them not be disappointed in me for falling apart. I think about the day I'll let someone read these entries, I think about the day that I'm completely giving up and I release these all over social media. I know that sounds desperate but maybe someone would read these and think maybe there not alone. I feel like I would scare everyone if they knew how I felt. I wonder what I'm feeling is valid of bullshit or maybe its just my hormones or seasonal depression. Or maybe it's just my day to day life. Something I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. (Keyword maybe means yes it's your everyday life)

June 22nd 2021

We're on a "break". I don't even know how to feel, I should be crying right now begging you to not leave and to love me and to just change. But I'm not, I'm so calm and unbothered and just numb. I'm so fucking numb. It's like I don't even care it's like im already over it. I guess I wasn't surprised. I don't really have much to say. But I can say this is going to hit me like a train. One little thing, and I think I'm going to snap.

September 8th 2021

I don't think I can keep doing this anymore, I don't think I can keep fighting. I don't want to, I don't want to deal with these feelings. I can't remember the last time I actually felt okay. I want to feel normal again. I am losing myself. I am losing my mind and I am trying so fucking hard to hold on. I feel like a prop in some shitty movie. I feel like I'm just a background character, if that makes any sense. I am constantly scared, I am constantly having these thoughts of hurting myself. I keep dreaming of better days but everyday is just a nightmare. I think of admitting myself somewhere, like sending myself away. Somewhere where I don't have to worry about this shit. Somewhere safe, somewhere there are people like me and understand me.

September 15 2021

I find myself thinking about sending myself away, not because i need to just because i want to. I guess you could say “ need in one hand and want in the other and see which one fills up faster” but i honestly have come to the point where nothing feels real anymore, nothing feels good anymore. Everything hurts everything is scary and everything is unfair. Life is so unfair. Its even worse that i continuously have shitty things happen to me. I have so much untreated trauma that i think im coming to the point where i dont care anymore. I dont care about anything. I don't feel like existing, trying, dealing or fuckinh anything. I can't feel anything, I am so numb. Numb to my core. I am so desperate to feel better. I am going to feel like this forever, I am always going to be a broken person with a broken heart with a broken mindset.

0 notes

urscottsdale · 7 years ago

Note

1-100 😌

1:when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? i rarely eat cereal but i think i usually balance them pretty equally or try to lol

2:do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? i love it as long as im all bundled up

3:what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? usually the closest piece of paper i can find

4:how do you take your coffee/tea? with lots of sugar 😏

5:are you self-conscious of your smile? very

6:do you keep plants? nope

7:do you name your plants? nada

8:what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? writing and music

9:do you like singing/humming to yourself? sometimes

10:do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? all of the above

11:what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? no friends, no jokes other than maybe im the quiet one

12:what’s your favorite planet? pluto

13:what’s something that made you smile today? my dog

14:if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? my room: messy, theirs: clean

15:go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! uranus is tilted on its side 😉

16:what’s your favorite pasta dish? spaghetti

17:what color do you really want to dye your hair? blue

18:tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. idk tbh

19:do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? i dont

20:what’s your favorite eye color? brown eyes 😍

21:talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. who comes up with these questions? bc i dont have a favorite bag

22:are you a morning person? no i hate mornings

23:what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? listen to music

24:is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? theres a couple, one doesnt know it tho

25:what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? never broken into anywhere lol

26:what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? vanz

27:what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? mint

28:sunrise or sunset? sunset

29:what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? randomly checking up on me and actually meaning it when they say they care

30:think of it: have you ever been truly scared? a handful of times yes

31:what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. love socks and wearing them, dont sleep in them and i have an assortment of colors bc white is boring

32:tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. there was this time i went out drinking with my friend after graduation, these two guys were hitting on her after she called them gay (even bought us drinks), my friend is gay so that was interesting lol

33:what’s your fave pastry? doughnuts

34:tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? winnie the pooh and hell yes i still have it

35:do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? love them but never use them

36:which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? backstreet boys

37:do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i like keeping it clean but it tends to stay messy lol

38:tell us about your pet peeves! i have too many pet peeves tbh

39:what color do you wear the most? blue and maroon (not together tho)

40:think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? cross necklace is self-explanatory, dog tag necklace i got from my parents so it holds a special meaning to me

41:what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? to kill a mockingbird

42:do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! starbucks…

43:who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? lol one of my friends back in like 5th grade

44:when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? summer and winter breaks in high school

45:do you trust your instincts a lot? yup

46:tell us the worst pun you can think of. sex while camping is fucking in tents ;)

47:what food do you think should be banned from the universe? most kinds of fish

48:what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? being alone, and yes actually

49:do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? yes but i cant remember tbh. most i have were gifted to me.

50:what’s an odd thing you collect? keys

51:think of a person. what song do you associate with them? @thisvanessa - count on me by bruno mars

52:what are your favorite memes of the year so far? im pretty sure ive never seen a meme i didnt love so. the spongebob one is pretty good tho.

53:have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? i wish i could tell u

54:who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? my dog lol

55:what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? idk im pretty passive aggressive so i do a lot lol

56:what are some things you find endearing in people? same as earlier, randomly checking up on me and also saying they miss me

57:go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? nope

58:who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? my ex friend is the wine mom and idk maybe im the vodka aunt lol

59:what’s your favorite myth? the earth is flat

60:do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yess langston hughes and edgar allan poe

61:what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? cant think of any tbh, maybe the dancing chicken that used to be passed around for years in my family

62:do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? orange juice and cran-grape juice

63:are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? i just leave them be

64:what color is the sky where you are right now? gray

65:is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? yes

66:what would your ideal flower crown look like? idk not big on flower crowns

67:how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? i love them so much

68:what’s winter like where you live? hot with a random cold day here and there

69:what are your favorite board games? wahoo/marbles, sorry, candyland, pretty much all of them lol

70:have you ever used a ouija board? nope

71:what’s your favorite kind of tea? sweet tea

72:are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yes but im also too lazy to note things so i end up forgetting a lot

73:what are some of your worst habits? procrastination

74:describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. beautiful, bubbly, cute, always smiling even tho i know they r sad deep down

75:tell us about your pets! small, black fur ball full of energy

76:is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? so many things

77:pink or yellow lemonade? pink

78:are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? neither im a minion dc club

79:what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? idk told me i give them butterflies or get nervous when talking to me

80:what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? i think they r an off white an bc my apartment landlord wont let me change them lol

81:describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. dark pools of chocolate

82:are/were you good in school? i was alright could of been better if i wasnt so lazy

83:what’s some of your favorite album art? never thought about that maybe something justin bieber has done

84:are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? i want to but im not sure tbh

85:do you read comics? what are your faves? nope

86:do you like concept albums? which ones? yes theres a lot

87:what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? high school musical

88:are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? yes

89:are you close to your parents? yes

90:talk about your one of you favorite cities. im pretty sure i could never get tired of nyc

91:where do you plan on traveling this year? i successfully did not travel anywhere this year, thank you bank account ur the best

92:are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? drown it in cheese

93:what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? short hair, short on the sides and longer on top

94:who was the last person you know to have a birthday? me

95:what are your plans for this weekend? lazy days

96:do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastination is my middle name

97:myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INFP, scorpio and hufflepuff

98:when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? i dont think ive ever been hiking but i want to

99:list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. over and over again by tim mcgraw, make you miss me by sam hunt, remember when by alan jackson, unhinged by nick jonas, chainsaw by nick jonas, untitled by simple plan and welcome to my life by simple plan

100:if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? damn thats a really hard one. probably the future tbh.

#thisvanessa #answered

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chickenfetus · 7 years ago

Note

all moongan

thank you for asking falen tbh i love u sm and i love doing these

omg is this ask for this ask meme i literally almost posted this along with the wrong ask fml

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

more cereal than mik because.. i dont eat cereal with milk……… i love the crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

as someone who lives in a tropical country is that what its called idk we dont have seasons and it never gets lower than 25 degrees so yes that would be ideal

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

hrmmmmm… i just remember the page number?? or try to lmao if i dont remember i just skim through the pages and try to recognise where i left off

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

with at least 2 packets of sugar tbh…. i dont drink coffee

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

omg story time i went 2 get my braces removed and the dentist wanted to take pics so he was like “smile with your teeth!” and i was like ok! but then he kept saying i wasnt doing it right lmao… guess whos never smiled b4… (me) so he told me 2 practice my smile lol i didnt answer the qn but ya,,, i am probably

6: do you keep plants?

i used 2 be very against plants… now theyre okay i guess i dont rly keep any

7: do you name your plants?

refer 2 6

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

art??? i havent drawn in awhile

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

no LOL

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

on my side!!!! i cant sleep on my back bc i gotta hug smth.. and my stomach is out of the qn

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

🅱️… and .. same brainwaves…. poor mans ____…. this is all from the shady hq im so sorry my other pals

12: what’s your favorite planet?

the moon for no real reason

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

hMMm, watching astro and mx perform??? and just being shady with bell lmao

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

this… question,,,..so im thinking of a bright place with white walls and translucent curtains so the light call fill the (living) room perfectly and everythings really ??? sunny and shit idk its warm… the floor’s made of (fake?) wood and theres a small kitchen bc i cant cook and idk if my friend would be able to lol.. theres 2 bed rooms both are painfully small but it works.. theres one other room with a closet for clothes… the bathroom is just a shower, sink and toilet… theres no washing machine rip and ?? thats about it poor mens life

i watchd the like we used mv again and i realized ...... that is literally where i got this imagery from thanks the rose i love a relatable band

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

heres a fact (?) from me first: it rains diamonds on one planet ?? mecury maybe?? mars??? whomst.. this isnt even a fact its ,me trying to recall shit

ok real fact: There are thousands of other planets out there. sorry lads this website doesnt wanna have fun

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

is spaghetti bolognese a pasta dish

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

im chill with my current hair colour??? bc its brown sometimes idk shitty hair

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i asked my irl friends (group name: panic support group) and this is what they said

K: everything

E: when u were one hour late (i dont remember this happening but i do know im always late but never for an hour past me wyd)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

goDD i dont but i sure want to

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

this is strange but every eye colour is my favourite although ppl with two or more colours in their eyes are so cool

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

its just my school bag lmao i got it 4 years ago and i take it everywhere even if the event is “small” and they ask us to bring “smaller bags” ill bring my big ass school bag anyway it looks like this (i dont have to but linking stuff is so fun)

22: are you a morning person?

technically.???its the holidays but i still manage to get up before 10 (most of the time) and … even if i have like 5 hours of sleep i manage to feel awake really easily????

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

tf i just use my phone lmao this is what ive been doing for like a month now… i could watch every vlive i havent watched yet, i could make video compilations i could practice my art but… even though im out of school im still procrastinating.. legends only

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

mmmm falens the closest to that

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

my classroom

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

white converse?? i have 2 get new ones every like 2 years since theyre also my school shoes and break easily….. other than those i have my blueblack converse too (i dont wear them as much so theyre still in one piece)

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

i dont eat bubblegum bc im always afraid ill swallow it and die and im p sure its illegal here

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset but i dont look outside enough for either

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

hm……… with jen its when she sends me asks on anon despite it being super obvious like im not a Fan when my friends send me asks on anon bc sometimes i cant tell and i get a sense of false hope but w/ jen its okay but i know its her

with bell its when they reply to my keyboard smashes with their own keyboard smashes lmao and when they just??//?? say smth cute abt their faves (lately its been sanha thank u sh)

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

ya lmao when i have 2 sleep alone and its completely dark i have half a mind 2 believe some random supernatural being is out for me

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

hmM. socks are great i always wear them bc i wear shoes almost every time i go outside… i dont have any weird socks bc im Boring but i have 3 pkmn songs and 1 gudetama socks/.. bUT I DID buy my friend those socks with individual toe pockets… it was so funny when my other friend saw it she choked on her drink and almost spat it out. we laughed so hard we hit our heads against each other i love friendship.. i have 2 wear white socks for sch bc… aesthetic? god if i know lmao….. i only ever wear ankle socks bc….. socks any higher than that? cancelled.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

listen ive never stayed up later than like 1am ok maybe 2am??? but i was working on like a project that was due the next day for school with my groupmates (friends) so does that count lmao

33: what’s your fave pastry?

bread………. sugar donuts…….. i am Aware that thats not how u spell it but wtv

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

why does this ask so many qns in 1 qn……. i had a cat?? it had pink stripes and it didnt have a name bc i dont name my stuff… even my pokemon.. and yeah i still have it except its in a big dusty bag where all my other toys are kept

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

i kinda have to use stationary for school so ya.. p often is correct… pretty pens??? i dont rly see the point whoopS!!! in exams u can only use black or blue so

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

im listening 2 day6 so like day6

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

my room isnt even my room i just go there to sleep .. the place im always at is like a study area except its open?? so everyone can see me lol and . its not messy?? if u look at it from far but the shit on the desk and shelves are so fucking messy god i need to pack those

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

aLRIGHT LADS welcome 2 megans ted talk

(skip this if ur not fond of drama)

so something (refer to the song he said suits myday) happened with jae recently and ive seen fans trying to defend him by @ing him and saying that they love him which is fine - great even! but what i dont approve is how everyone’s basically forgotten about the whole matter because they had concerts so instead of @-ing him and asking him to explain himself, they tell him what a great concert it was which is also great bc their concerts are honestly amazing. basically my pet peeve is when ppl dismiss the problematic action of some people just bc they like them.

another thing is that there were some fans who started guilting others for wanting to drop day6 completely because of what jae did and in my opinion i think it is totally cool to want to drop a group if they did smth bad like??? its ur life???? u can choose who you want to like. what is not cool is pulling out all the good things the person has ever done in their entire life and try to remind others about the positive sides of the person. yes. they’re an encouraging person, etc. but that does not cancel out the bad things they’ve done until they explain/apologise. what is infuriating is just the manner some people took it?? they literally went ahead and tweeted shit like “would your parents drop you if you did smth wrong?” and “you’re seriously gonna drop someone whos been nothing been nice because of one incident?” yes. people will and you dont have any fucking right to stop them? so dont go pulling out receipts.

another thing. its also okay to want to stan the whole group even if someone has done smth problematic. like? to me youre cool if youre able to see and acknowledge the bad shit someone has done and still stand by their side while educating them at the same time its nice to have faith in your idols. however, i wont say much when your idols dont respond and/or respond in a way that shows absolutely no remorse. its cool if you want to support them too, despite that.

tldr; dont fucking excuse someone’s behaviour/action just because youre so far up their fucking ass. dont pull out shit from before either, be it good or bad. and lastly, its okay to want to drop/continue supporting them, its your life.

i just wanted to talk about this tbh,, it was nice to see a few mydays trying to urge jae to explain the whole situation but seeing as he still hasnt and couldve it really irks me :-/

okay update its been a day and i havent really thought about this but im kinda conflicted now bc jae still hasnt talked about the song and im probably just making a big deal out of smth that will never happen again but it really doesnt sit right with me knowing that jae recommended that song to his fans and said it suited mydays?? bc looking at the lyrics... i SURE hope not... idk i have neither forgiven or forgotten but he’s okay now.? i cant stay mad at someone for that long anyway ill never forgive him 4 it though lmao petty ppl only

another thing... jae’s still an amazing person to me with all the encouraging words he says to mydays but this one incident is just soOOOOO hrm and i did go off tangent with the question as usual lol

39: what color do you wear the most?

i wear a lot of colours tbh??? but bc its rly hot out ive just been wearing the same shirt every time i leave the house and its black so

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

i dont wear jewelry rip

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

challenger deep

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

hm,, ive only ever visited this coffee shop like more than once bc the girl i used 2 like showed it to me b4 like 2 years ago and it was nice i liked their mocha frappe and its cozy i guess??? sometimes i go there with friends to study/just eat but i havent gone in awhile.., its two stories and it has an open air sitting area too i prefer sitting inside bc the sun is a big no thanks.. the ceiling is kind of like?? going downward?? like the kind iin attics???? idk man it was nice

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

u cant see shit here sorry

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

cant relate

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yea?? sometimes i just gotta bc my brain wont shut the fuck up

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

suddenly all of the puns i know have left my mind thanks @ me

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

vegetables

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

the dark and whats basically in it???? like ghosts zombies and shit u kno the scary shit

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i like buying albums?? theres a CD in those so it counts lmao i bought sunrise by day6

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

boxes??? like containers????

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

boxy and letting go by day6

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO THEM and oh worm

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

me: rocky.. ?????? from astro.. /?? no ive never heard of any of those and i saw the word horror so u wont hear abt those from me any time soon

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i literally havent been outside for 2 days

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

be petty aka yesterday i changed my twitter icon from jae 2 brian bc jae’s being a child rn so hes out

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

when they ramble abt smth they like thanksk buds

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

is this the song from p!atd i have it in my playlist lmao oh i fucing hate this song i always skip it im not listening

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

idk what either of those are but bell and boxy

59: what’s your favorite myth?

idk any

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

anything that eunwoo has ever written

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

ive given eggs for karissa’s birthday b4 and i got a kermit its not stupid tho its just the closest thign i could think of

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i drink water juice everyday every minute every hour

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

my books are all in shelves lads i just heard the fucking keys rattle im not doing this shit im logging off night

ok day 3 and im back like i said previously my books are on shelves i tried rearranging them by series b4 but my housekeeper rearrnaged them randomly the next day so i gave up

i make playlists for songs that i like, really like (i still skip them sometimes rip) and songs that my friend recommends me i have a seperate playlist for the songs i like in japanese 2

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

light blue?? like its actually p white bc its cloudy

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

m not rly

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

just. leaves maybe??

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Horror Movie

68: what’s winter like where you live?

oh winter is fucking fantastic it never gets colder than 25 degrees celsius here and if it does rain it lasts for like 10 minutes

69: what are your favorite board games?

i used to rly like snake and ladders and monopoly :-o

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

im not ready for that kinda death

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

english breakfast or earl gray??? those r like the standard right

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

ya but i never do bc i either forget to or am just 2 lazy

73: what are some of your worst habits?

being lazy + procrastinating :-D

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

okie :-o ..

they’re great ok ive talked abt them like 10 times in the span of 2 months but whatever folks

they’re super nice, kind and just all of the positive adjectives out there in the dictionary ...... they’ve helped me multiple times and they’re always there 2 lend me a listening ear (or in our case, eye lmao) idk??? im just super comfortable around them always and im honestly so thankful we became mutuals (and subsequently friends) last year!!!! i cant say a lot bc ill just get v repetitive but overall they’re an awesome friend and im glad we still communicate daily via twitter and sometimes our skype sessions even if they’re kinda awkward bc i never know when 2 talk bc im scared ill speak and theyll say smth and itll turn into a MESS which actually happened lmao

im looking forward to the day our skype sessions become super smooth and easy going!!!

75: tell us about your pets!

i have none but id die for boxys cats

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

well yeah always tbh but its not smth i have to do but more like want to do im just 2 lazy to get around doing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

?? i almost said lemons arent pink but i Remembered...... yellow lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i feel like this is an Attack? okay LISTEN so story time again.

on the flight back from japan i watched the alien covenant and i couldnt even get past the scene where the baby alien was gonna kill the poor guy who ended up being locked up with the infected dude as soon as i saw the blood and the alien emerge from the guy’s back i bolted lmao

so to calm myself down nd block that memory from my mind i went ahead and watched despicable me 3.. which HONESTLY im the worst critic ever but in my humble opinion.... the movie was good????????? idk i didnt watch minions the movie though i got lazy again whooopS!

anwyay i sidetracked but im neutral im not a fan but i wouldnt go out of my way to call minions annoying?? bc they really arent? i feel like its only seen that way bc of how people make posts abt how annoying minions are even tho.. they arent??

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

my memory hates me so every specific thing my friends have ever done for me has left my mind but .

the cutest thing? everything my friends do for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

theyre yellow and no i didnt theyve been there ever since i could remember

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

lava cake

82: are/were you good in school?

yeah i was good in school for like the first three years and this year i just flopped so badly lmao and its my important year too oh well my exams r over and i still dont have a backup plan in mind

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

all of dance gavin dance’s albums have awesome art

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

back when i was really into 5sos i thought of getting a tally since that was their logo at that time but now no not really unless i decide to get lance’s face tattooed onto my forehead on impulse

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

im keeping up with hq, bnha and tg manga!!!!

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

idk what those r but sure

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

big hero 6

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

who wrote this whats up with these questions

i googled and.. not really?? they all look nice

89: are you close to your parents?

close enough to stand being in the same room as them but not close enough to want to initiate conversations

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

tokyo was really cool (literally) and if i ever go again id love to go with friends so we can explore more??

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

japan was supposed to be the only plan for this year but my grandad passed away so i had to go to malaysia multiple times earlier this year ik this wasnt the qn but ive already went to the planned destination tm so

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

BARELY SPRINKLES A PINCH im anti cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

um. like?? i tie the sides of my hair that cover my face back??? bc i dont like hair in my face

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

bell

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

hopefully something useful

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i also click remind me tomorrow lmao

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

infp-t, capricorn, hufflepuff (same as falen nd jen yay)

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

uh ive never been hiking and i dont plan on it sorry body

99: list some five (or id never shut up) songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

currently......

when you love someone - day6

like we used to - the rose

crazy sexy cool - astro

death of a strawberry - dance gavin dance

if it means a lot to you - a day to remember

idk if these actually “resonate to my soul” they just sound nice

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

oh worm.. i wouldnt miind either???

i know i have 2 choose but like

if i go back into the past i could be less annoying?? but the past has actually helped me be the way i am today and i think im learning to be a better person?? im definitely way better than how i was previously 5 years ago and im just grateful i was able to learn from my mistakes???

so i wouldnt go back to the past.

if its in the future i can see how ill end up and if its not good i might end up being able to change myself so i dont get my “bad end”..???? maybe or i can just see what happens in the future and i can look forward to it

itll also give me a chnace to have the most fun while i can if its not too nice

so my decision is to go to the future

thank you so much for asking falen god this got so long lmao

#if anybody read through all 100.. thank u and have a good day!!!#softshouyous #asks

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roommateofmyimagination-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Chapter 9: Too many Bonding Exercises

✗ Adrian ✗

“OH MY GOD, HE IS SO FUCKING HOT?” Val erupted with a muffled yell from the other room.

I stood in the room naked as can physically be and as confused, shocked and embarrassed as i could ever be all in the same time. I just stood here staring at the door the Valentine just slammed shut after entering and leaving just as quickly.

“What did he just scream?” Demyan sounded like he was crawling out of his drawer.

“Uh that im so fucking hot….” I turned to look back at Demyan.

“Well, pup, you are naked and leaving nothing to the imagination.” He crawled up onto the top of my dresser. “Maybe it would be best if you proceeded to put on clothes and see if he is okay.”

“Uuuuuh…..” I held my mouth open, not really knowing what to say.

“Now, child.” Demyan squeaked at me and scratched on the wood of the dresser.

“Uh,yeah!” i took a long stride to the dresser and grabbed clothes to put on. Tossing on a pair of boxers then stepping into my ripped jeans. “Think he’ll wanna talk after….that?” I looked down at demyan as i laced my belt through the hoops.

“Hmmm, probably not.” he bounced onto the bed. “But you do need to head out, the others are waiting.”

“Shut up, I know!” I threw on a loose gray v-neck on over my head. Grabbing my satchel off the ground and throwing it on. Opening the door i peered from behind to see Val hunched over with a pillow pressed to his face. “Yo cupcake.”

“Ah!” Val dropped the pillow and stood up straight in a very jolt like manner. “Y-yes?!”

“I uuuuh….” i scratched my head, “sorry about the whole….”

“Uh, Yeah. I-its all good d-dude!” Val started waving his hands around then stopped and stared at me. His face turning the same color as his hair, “IM GOING FOR A RUN.” and he quickly turned on his feet and ran out the door, grabbing his things with him and Aero quickly ran out with him, sliding between the almost closed door with ease.

I stood in the living space staring at the door with my mouth hanging open. I heard Demyan’s bare feet walking up behind me and i turned around to look at him. “I royally fucked up didnt i?”

“Yes.” He said flatly and very disinterested in what i had to say.

“Dude, bonding moment. Feel for me….” I shrugged and dropped my head down low.

Demyan walked up closer to me and put an arm around me, touching his head to mine. “There there, pup.” he patted my shoulder. “He will never look at you the same way again.”

“You aren’t helping…..” I leaned my head onto his shoulder. “I dont want our semester to be awkward cuz he saw me naked….”

“Oh that is the least of your worries, child.” Demyan started stroking my hair. “You would be...how do you say it…...Up shits creek without a paddle, if he knew you were a villain.”

“You suck at motivating people and cheering them up….” I glared up at him.

“It is not my strong suit, you would be right.” Demyan chuckled lightly before rubbing my back. “Oh and was he not looking for something?”

“I think so but i dont know what.” I stood up straight, Demyan’s arm still around my shoulders.

“Could it have been this?” He dug in his puffy pant’s pocket and pulled out what looks like Val’s phone.

“Why do you have his phooooone?!” I snatched it from demyan. Demyan shrugged and just gave me a toothy smirk. “You are evil…..”

“I know.” His grin got wider and he twitched his eyebrows up for a split second.

“What were you doing with it?!” I smacked him on his head a bit.

“I was curious on how those little box devices work. You communicate on them yes?” he looked down at the phone in my hand.

“Yes, we do. They are called cellphones or Smartphones depending on what you have.” I tilted the phone’s screen to see the finger marks on it, and tried to see if it would unlock his phone, which it did. The home screen was of his kitty Aero, laying on her back with her legs sprawled at and her fur all sorts of wild.

Demyan moved behind me and wrapped his arms around my neck, resting his chin on my shoulder. “Interesting.”

“Im going to call Karim to tell him Val doesnt have his phone.” I searched through Val’s text to see Karim’s name on top. Clicking on it I clicked the phone button. Putting the phone up to my ear, I looked back at Demyan. “You, quite okay?”

“Of course.” He still clung to my back.

“Sup Val.” a deep voice answered after a few rings, Karim did not have a deep voice...this must be Aj.

“Uh, hey, its Adrian.” I scratched my head. “Val left his phone and i wanted to tell Karim of this.”

“Oh Than-” Aj sounded like something nailed him and he made a grunting noise. “Val whats up.” He sounded like he moved the phone to the side. Val’s voice was kinda muffled in the background and he was talking really fast about something. “....Imma kill you adrian.”

“What did i do!?” I yelled back , throwing my free hand up in the air.

“VAL MY SWEET CHILD, WHAT HAPPENED!?” Karim’s voice sounded like it was getting closer and he was talking to Val who sounded completely upset.

“You violated and scared my child.” Aj sounded very pissed off. “You didnt even touch him yet you violated the child!”

“I didnt violate him! He came in on me naked!” I yelled back again.

“Violated my child!!!” Aj yelled back at me in return.

“Stop calling him your child!” I sighed in frustration. “If we have to, i will come over later and we can have a fucking come to jesus moment.” I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger.

“You have a belly button piercing?” Aj asked, sounding actually curious now.

“NO, its aaaaah.” I looked back at Demyan who just shrugged, “its one of those african waist training beads band chain things…”

“Yeah, okay dude.” Aj started laughing.

“Okay, whatever! Just tell Val he left his phone in the dorm and im leaving it on the living room table!” I yelled in frustration, “Bye!” and hung the phone up. Groaning loudly, i put my hands on my face.

“Are you okay?” Demyan asked, still clung tightly around me.

“No im pissed….” I pulled my hands down on my face.

“Then training will do you some good today.” Demyan chuckled as he took the phone from me and let go of me and set the phone gently down on the coffee table. “Let us depart then.”

“Yeah okay whatever.” I shrugged and let my shoulders slump down.

Demyan walked up to me, one hand going around my waist as the other hand slid up my shirt, touching the charm on my waist chain. He pulled me in closer with a smirk. A cloud of black smoke engulfed us and when it was cleared out. We were out in the field we’ve usually practiced in. I looked down at my body and my leather suit was on as per usual.

“Gonna let me go now?” I asked, looking up at Demyan.

“Of course.” He let me go and i fell and hit the ground with a solid thunk.

Landing straight on my ass, I looked up at Demyan. “You’re a dick…”

Demyan floated above me, clutching his sides laughing and he brought his legs up making him look like he was in a hunched over position. “I am terribly sorry pup, but i thought it would be fun to surprise you.”

Standing up, and rubbing my ass. Pointing a finger at him. “Just wait, one day i’ll learn to float and get you back for it!”

Demyan raised a brow and lowered himself, getting into a position that would indicate he’s laying on his stomach at eye level with me. “I will be waiting patiently pup.” he smirked wickedly, running hand through my hair.

“Hey look you’re early!” Pendragon’s voice rang from above us. He swooped down and landed beside me, kicking up a bit of dust from his wings.

“Wheres Ryaikum?” I asked, looking over at Pendragon and leaning away from Demyan.

“Hes right here.” Pendragon dug into his coat and gently pulled out a bearded dragon lizard. “He gets lazy sometimes and makes me take us over here.” He bent down and placed the lizard down. A puff of teal-like smoke rose up and Ryaikum’s human form stood there, briefly naked before he snapped his fingers and clothes appeared on his body. Ryaikum wasn’t fit like Demyan was but he was defined enough to made you wanna touch him.

“Move aside boys!” Takeshi’s also came from above.

Pen and I both looked up to see her coming down ontop of Us. Her hands above and behind her head and her legs bent under her like she just leaped off a high cliff. Pendragon and I both scattered to the sides so we werent landed on. More dust was kicked up from her landing, she stood up on her tip toes and bounced, turning around with her hands straight above her head.

“Beat ya Lappin!” She cheered happily as Lappin come up beside her. He looked like he was running the whole while, he hunched over to catch his breath.

“You two racing?” I asked.

Pendragon started clapping, “nice superhero landing!”

“Thank ya!” She turned and smiled at pendragon to her left, then turned to me on her right, “and we were, He challenged me to see how fast and far i can get with just jumping.”

“Like a ninja?” Pendragon and I both asked at once.

“Yes!” She smiled brightly. “He was going to see if he can beat me by running here and i took to jumping off tree limbs or rocks to get here.”

“And she did great. Means she’s getting stronger.” Lappin stood up straight now, bringing his hand up to give Takeshi a high five and she returned the gesture with her own. “Are your students making progress?”

“Pendragon is.” Ryaikum said.

“Oh, how so?” Demyan asked, now actually standing on the ground beside me, his hands behind his back.

“He caught his dorms curtains on fire the other day, did you not?” Ryaikum looked at Pen with a very cocky smirk on his face.

“I might have...yeah.” Pendragon scratched his bright red hair

“I thought you couldn’t breath fire?” Takeshi asked,crossing her arms under her chest.

“I cant thats the thing.” Pen perked up. “I didnt breath fire.”

“Did you blow it out your ass?” I asked chuckling to myself.

“No, but i wish. Thatd be scary after taco tuesdays.” Pendragon laughed too. “No its like this!” Pen held his fists up and fire engulfed his hands and arms up to about his elbows. “Wicked right?! My feet too!”

“Oh my god, you’re like an anime character.” I stared at him, actually kinda amazed at that.

“YOU’RE A LIVING NATSU AAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!” Takeshi hunched over and started laughing.

“YOU ARE!!” I started laughing myself.

“I KNOW RIGHT???!!!!” Pendragon started bouncing on his feet like a happy child. “Fucking Ryaikum didnt get the reference so i made him watch a few episodes!”

“Can you PLEASE Change your villain name now?!” Takeshi whipped her eyes from crying.

“I AM THE GREAT DEMON LORD DRAGNEEL!!” Pendragon threw his arms in the air.

Takeshi and I busted out with loud laughing. I started flailing my arms around and laughing while crying. Takeshi sat down on her knees putting her forehead on the ground as he laughed.

“IM GOING TO PEE!!” Takeshi was laughed so hard she was really only crying now.

I grabbed onto Demyan’s coat and put my face into his chest, laughing. “My abs hurt!”

“You all are literal children!” a newer familiar voice sounded closer as feet crunched dead leaves as he came closer.

“You dont get the reference dude.” Pendragon was laughing stupid hard himself.

“Rule one, You must never reveal sensitive information about Fairy Tail to others for as long as you live.” Tsuyoi crossed his arms over his chest.

“WE’RE ALL NERDS!!” Pendragon started bouncing and laughing more.

Groaning loudly through laughing, i let go of demyan’s little half jacket and pulled on my face and Takeshi started bouncing in a circle. Pendragon was hunched over and trying to stop his laughter. Tsuyoi looked at all of us, “you good?”

“Yes.” we all said through tears.

“Good.” He put a hand on his hip. “Hey, Demyan.” He turned his head to look at Demmy.

“Yes?” Demyan smiled at him.

“Mind if i take Drakul somewhere...alone?” Tsuyoi asked as he looked over to me.

“Does Kenaz know of this request?” Demyan asked eyeing Tsuyoi questionably.

“He does, and hes fine with it.” Tsuyoi answered without taking his eyes off me.

Demyan also looked at me, then smiled, “yes, but do not kill him, i wish to keep him longer.”

“Thanks. Follow me vampy.” Tsuyoi turned then waved his hand for me to follow him.

I looked back at demyan and he nodded me off. I ran up behind Tsuyoi and followed him deep into the forest. We didnt talk at all until we were in another opening. Not as big as our usual training area. Tsuyoi walked to the middle then turned to me. I stop just a couple of steps away from him.

“Who are you?” He asked, glaring at me with sharp eyes. I could hear a faint growl coming from him.

“Excuse me?” I asked, raising a brow at him.

“Who are you when you aren’t Drakul. I didnt fucking stutter.” He sounded like he was getting progressively pissed off.

“We arent all-” I was going to speak before a loud growl came from Tsuyoi.

“Dont give me that shit!” His voice sounded like a tiger’s roar with how deep it was. “Something about you is pissing me off! You smell familiar….”

“I smell...familiar?” I tilted my head to the side. “How?”

“I have cat senses in me along with being strong, dumbass.” He was progressively growling louder and took a step towards me. Instantly i grabbed onto the hilt of my whip, keeping it on my waist and taking a half step behind me. Tsuyoi noticed this and smirked, showing large canine teeth, “Alright.” He purred win a deep throaty way, “if you beat me in a fight, I’ll leave you alone.”

“And if you beat me, i have to tell you who i am.” I questioned him, getting into a more defensive position.

“Exactly.” he purred loudly. He rolled his shoulders and his neck side to side, cracking his back and neck before his head lowered down and he started to get in that football position he’s usually in. His feet moving this time, like a cat’s when they are readying to pounce.

Lowering myself, i slowly slipped my whip through its binding on my hip. Tsuyoi took a charge at me and i quickly bounced to the side to dodge his tackle. He turned just as quickly as i had moved and extended an arm at me to grab onto my arm. Flicking my whip up, it wrapped around his wrist. He looked at it briefly then looked at me, his lips turning upwards to a smirk. The arm that my whip was wrapped around, he swung his arm back behind him, pulling me and my whip forward and past him just a bit. Before i was flung too far away from him, he grabbed onto my hair and pulled me back by my hair. With his now free hand, he pressed his palm to my chest at the same time and let go of my hair with his other hand. A heavy weight on my chest forced me down and i could hear and feel the ground crumble underneath me as my body made a dent into the ground.

Standing above me and straddling my body, Tsuyoi kept his hand on my chest. “Give up, bats. You can’t beat me.” he growled low.

“Oh yeah?” I coughed up a bit of blood. Grabbing onto his wrist, Tsuyoi quickly pulled away from me, the weight on my chest disappearing, as he noticed the black ink creep up his forearm. Putting my hands behind me, I lifted my body up over my head and did a black flip to get back on my feet. “Seems like that scares you.”

Tsuyoi shook his hand violently before looking at me with an intense glare. “Not as scary on my arm.” he growled and started running towards me. I got ready to dodge him again, Tsuyoi had a bad habit of just tackling you to the ground to get an advantage. Just before i was about to jump out of the way, Tsuyoi lowered his body so his hand was touching the ground and he brought his lower body off the ground, One of his legs slamming into my shoulder and sending me flying before he cartwheeled back onto his feet. “You aren’t the only one with new tricks!” He laughed loudly.

My body slammed into a tree, my back hitting it hard and coughing me to cough up more blood from the impact. Sliding down the tree, i got into a squatted position before slowly sliding back up and standing, running my hand over my mouth.”you’re still wasting time before that ink gets to your eyes.”

Tsuyoi looked at his arm that was now black up to his bicep. He looked at me with a smirk. “I still got time. I plan to knock you out, thatd make this come off right?” He growled slowly making his way towards me, and then picking up the pace again. He brought his fist up to punch me, closing my eyes and tensing up. I heard the sound of wood breaking behind me. Tsuyoi yelling in pain.

I looked back behind me to see Tsuyoi’s hand wedged into the trunk of the tree. When he pulled his hand out, it had splinters in his hand and blood trickled down his fingers. “What did you just do?!” Tsuyoi growled loudly at me, almost a roar.

Looking at him then back to my hands, my lips twitching up into a smile and starting to laugh, “oooohohohohoho. This is gonna be fun.” I started bouncing on my toes, looking back in front of me to see my whip just a few steps away from me.

Tsuyoi turned to charge at me again, this time, i didnt close my eyes. Even with my eyes open, all i saw was black and i was a few steps away from Tsuyoi, squatted down and my whip back in my hands.

A black smoke was dispersing around Tsuyoi who was looking confused as fuck. “Did you just poof?!”

“I believe its called Teleporting, or blinking.” I smirked, standing up and snapping my whip in my hands. “And the ink is on your collarbone.”

“I got time.” He growled low, his hand going behind him and under that pelt he wears around his waist.

Flicking my whip in his direction, Tsuyoi whipped something out from behind him as well and between us, My whip wrapped around a chain with a knife like thing attached at the other end. We both pulled backwards, my whip and his chain tightening as we pulled and there was no slack between us.

“You aren’t the only one who can fight at a distance.” Tsuyoi purred. “You forgot i had my Kusarigama.”

“I thought you were all brute strength.” I chuckled, tugging backwards a bit.

“I am.” He tugged as well. “And your fucked close combat.”

“Not if i can blink away.” I yanked on my whip, to get the same reaction from Tsuyoi, who yanked back and made me slide closer to him.

“Not if i catch you and knock you out, plus you dont seem to have much control over where you go, its wishful luck.” Tsuyoi yanked again.

Lowering my body, i planted my heels into the ground to stop my sliding quicker. “You’ll go blind before then.”

“If i have you in my hands, im not letting go.” Tsuyoi then yanked hard, launching my body towards him. Getting pulled upwards and forwards, I flinched and got my body to blink just above his head. Tsuyoi looked up quicker than i thought he would. Extending my hand down to his face, quickening the spreading of ink across his face. Just as i was reaching down at Tsuyoi, he reached up at me, grabbing my opened collar and pulling me down. That heavy weight back on my body.

My body felt extremely heavy this time around, my chest slammed into the ground below me. One of my arms was yanked around me and pressed to my back. Tsuyoi’s hand on my wrist, the other on my head as he sat on my legs.

“I win, Drakul!” Tsuyoi growled from above me.

“You’re blind!” I yell back at him, my face then pressed further into the ground.

“Doesn’t matter! Your pinned under me,you arent blinking out of this one!” He got in closer to my face. “Plus if i wanted, i could crush your throat right here.” he growled into my ear.

Snarling back at him, i relaxed my body and sighed, “fine.”

“Will you tell me who you are when i let you go?” He asked, sitting up straight.

I kept quiet for a moment, “yes….”

“Good boy.” Tsuyoi let me go and moved off of my thighs.

Turning around and getting on my knees, i reached for his face and touched his cheek. The black ink soaking up into my fingers and coming off his face and his arm. Tsuyoi blinked a few times, “thank you.”

“No problem after you beat the shit outta me.” I grumbled and fell back onto my ass, looking down at my lap. “Will you tell me who you are?” I asked looking up at Tsuyoi, who sat cross legged.

“Yeah.” He leaned back onto his hands. “Seems only fair.”

Eyeing him briefly, I took in a deep breath. My body felt exhausted and i threw my head back a bit, closing my eyes and feeling all of my power and magical form fade away to how i was when i was just myself. Opening my eyes, i stared at the blue sky. When i brought my head back to look at Tsuyoi, he was staring at me with a face of complete shock. His eyes were wide and his mouth was hung open. “My name is-.” I was cut off.

Tsuyoi started laughing loudly, throwing his head back. The laugh actually seemed like a hearty one, then his body tensed up and he looked back at me with his brows knitted together. “Imma kill you.” he growled

“Who- Wait, WHY!?” I scuttled back away from him. “What did i do?!”

Tsuyoi started laughing lightly again. “Im kidding, adrian.”

“How do you...know my name?” i looked at him, lowering my head to stare at him.

Tsuyoi had a small smile on his face as his body changed slowly in front of me. The long hair became short and the primitive outfit of his changed to jeans and a tank top. I stared at him with the same look he stared at me when he saw who i was. “Yeah, i know, scary innit?”

“AJ?!” I yelled at him. “WHAT THE FUCK MAN?!”

Aj let out a loud laughter for a third time and dropped his head in front of him. “I couldnt tell you before.” He ran a hand through his hair. “If i knew you were Drakul, i wouldn’t have been so hard on you.”

“Does...Karim know?” I asked raising a brow at him. “You two are really close and you-”

Aj held a hand up, his face turning from laughter to mild sadness. “No...Karim doesnt know. I….I hope at least.” he put his hand down. “As much as i love Karim, i could never tell him this.”

“Understandable, he’d worry about you.” I mumbled, looking at the ground.

“Does Valentine know?” He asked.

“No.” I didnt look up from him, “i think if i told him something like that he’d change dorms or think im crazy.” I started playing with my hair.

“So.” Aj started chuckling, “what happened exactly earlier?” I looked at the ground with wide eyes, my face heating up. I looked up to see Aj with a cocky smirk on his lips. “I already kiiiiiinda understand from val’s crying, plus imma punch you for making him cry by the way, but i wanna know your side of it.”

“I was changing, he came in, saw me naked. Gawked at me like a mute chicken then kinda just left and screamed OH MY GOD HES SO FUCKING HOT!” i tried my hardest to imitate Val’s yelling.

“That exactly?” Aj smirked, raising a brow.

“Yes, deadass.” I glared at him.

“You still made him cry and i feel obligated to punch you.” He chuckled wickedly.

“Does making me feel like one of my ribs are broken counter that?” I asked, holding my side.

“Hmmm, yeah, but your ribs aren’t broken..” He smirked. Aj then stood up and dusted himself off. “Kenny, come on out, i know you’re there.” he looked back behind him.

“Sorry~” a brightly colored Kenaz walked out from behind a tree his hands up by his head. “We wanted to watch.”

“Demyan…” I groaned. And felt a pair of hands on my shoulders.

“My pup.” He cooed in a weird way, “I am proud of you, you are growing so well.” Demyan put his head on the top of my head.

“Why is it every time i learn something knew, its cuz Tsuyoi is trying to kill me…” I looked up at Demyan, bringing my head back to look at him. He moved his head off mine that when i looked back our noses were touching.

“You needed the motivation.” he smiled down at me. Then pinched my face between his thumb and index finger on my cheeks, “Do remember my pup.” he spoke low but clearly. “Only Aj and Kenaz will ever know of this.”

“Yeah yeah.” I mumbled looking away from him.

Demyan pinched my face more. “Do i make myself clear?” he spoke like a father figure to me now, staring at me directly in the eyes.

“Yes sir.” I growled back at him.

“Dont be so harsh on him Demmy.” Kenaz spoke up, “this was Aj’s idea and i allowed it, i believe these two can trust each other, they do have some history with each other.”

“Nothing against you, Kenaz.” Demyan let go of my face, “but you can see how i am cautious with this, given your…” Demyan trailed off.

Kenaz purred, “No harm done friend!” Kenaz’s eyes looked sharp as he and Demyan stared at each other. The smile on Kenaz’s face was a very wicked looking feline smirk. His face lightened up quickly before he turned to look at Aj. “Lets go home Aj! Its still early enough, we have other errands to run do we not?” He asked.

“Uh yeah.” Aj looked to Kenaz then back to me. “Ill see you around Adrian. Stay safe.” he said before Kenaz turned his back to us and snapped his fingers, causing Aj and himself to disappear in a blink of an eye.

“Let us go as well.” Demyan spoke low again.

“What about Takeshi and Pendragon.” I looked up at Demyan.

“They trained together, similar to you and...Aj.” he paused to think of Tsuyoi’s actual name now. “You are all growing well and fast.”

“Are we going back to the dorm?” I asked turning to actually face him so i wasnt straining my neck anymore.

“No.” he smiled. Snapping both of his fingers black smoke wrapped around demyan and disappeared just as quickly as it came. The clothes on demyan changed from his usual black and gold arabian like clothing to modern clothing. He wore a tight fit black V-neck that hung just above his black skinny jeans that had a few holes and tears in them with black sneakers on. “How do i look?”

“You’re really all one color.” I looked him up and down, “all black on black makes ya look like a theater ninja.”

“What is that?” he looked like an interested child.

Chuckling lightly. “Its people who do the prop moving and what not for plays.”

“And they wear all black?” he asked again.

“Yes, so you dont really see them.” I stuffed my hands in my pockets. “Can you change your shirt color or pants to something lighter so you get broken up a bit?”

“Hmm.” Demyan looked at himself. Then with another snap there was a black smoke around demyan again. This time the outfit changed to something very different in some aspects. He had on a washed out faded green tunic tank top that was cut out to show a lot of sides but he wore it under a then light gray varsity jacket over black skinny jeans which showed a bit of his knees tucked into black high-top shoes. “Is this better?”

I eyed him up and down, nodding my head a bit. “yeah...I like it, ya look good.”

“Do i look….So fucking hot?” He smirked at me with a cocky chuckle.

“Yes yes you do.” I laughed lightly.”why the outfit change?”

“Because we are going to hang out.” He said softly. Then had a small sad smile on his lips, “I...have not been to you like the others have been to theirs.” he paused for a second, “I am sorry for this.”

I felt my shoulders slump a bit and i stared at Demyan. “Its alright, i was never mad at you, i just….felt like there was distance between us and you told me yourself if i wanna get stronger you and i have to get closer.”

“That i did, and i never did hold up my end.” He touched my hair. “I have been treating you like a student, someone under me...not as your friend and partner.”

“Then lets fix that.” I smiled at him. “How do you expect us to get somewhere though, we’re out in the woods.”

“Simple.” He smiled and snapped his fingers together. Familiar black smoke wrapped around us before taking us to a dark and tight fit alleyway. “Hm.” Demyan hummed, “this is not what i was hoping for,”

“Hmmmm” I hummed lightly. I got a nice view of Demyan’s collarbone and the top of his chest. Our bodies were close together with our backs both against a wall. “Im aight with this.”

“Pup, stop.” Demyan chuckled and groaned at the same time, “you are making it weird.”

“Its not weird unless you think its weird.” I smirked and looked up slightly at him. Demyan was looking down partially at me with a look of ‘Child do not test me.’ Laughing lightly, i scooted away from demyan and got out of the small alley way we ended up in, Demyan followed after me and fixed his clothing up when he was fully out of the tiny space. Pulling out my box of cigarettes from my pocket and sticking one in my mouth i offered the box to demyan.

“No thank you.” He looked down at my hand. He didnt seem disinterested in the idea of smoking, but I dont think he was all really one for it.

“Aight.” I put the box back in my pocket the pulled out my lighter and covered it with my other hand. Sliding the lightly back in my pocket. “So what do you want to do?”

Demyan seemed to forget i was beside him as he looked around him in wonder, “Demmy” I tapped his arm with the back of my hand.

“Yes, adrian?” He looked down at my hand then back to my face.

“Lets go get lunch or something. Aj made me hungry.” I waved my hand for demyan to follow me. Demyan stood close behind me but didnt speak much as he was just looking around at stuff as we walked. I finished my cig before I dragged him into a deli to eat lunch. He had no clue what he wanted to eat, so i just ordered a full length italian sub that id share with him and two drinks to go with. A couple of girls whispered and giggled behind us, one of them saying something about Demyan. He turned his head and smiled at them with a small nod which made the girls giggle more. I groaned to myself as we were checking out and i was waiting to get my debt card back. Demyan proceed to grab my arm and dragged me outside to eat on the patio.

“You’re such a fucking flirt.” I sat down across from him.

Demyan was hunched over the chair, stopping midway from sitting down to stare at me. “Excuse me?”

“I called you a flirt.” I sat down and started rustling in the bag our sub was in and opening the wrapper, spreading it across the table for us to both eat on. Demyan was sitting now, staring at me with a raised eyebrow, “The girls back in the line.”

“Oh.” He perked up, “I do not believe i was flirting back there.”

I stared at him with a raised brow. “Yes you were mr Smile and nod. Did you not hear their giggling.”

“I did.” He reached over and took his half of the sub. “I was being polite, i could hear them talking about me….and you actually as well.”

I leaned over the table. “Cmere” I whispered to him and demyan leaned in closer to me with a smirk on his face. “Im gaaaaaaaaaaaay aaaaaaaas fuuuuuuck.”

“I understand that, Pup.” He chuckled and whispered back, “Does not mean women can not appreciate you and your looks.” He sat back up and leaned in his chair. “Why are you gay?”

I stared at him with my brows knitted together. “Its….its not like its a flavor of the day type thing.”

“Did i say something out of line?” Demyan tilted his head, thoroughly curious.

“Not really, its….being gay wasn’t something i just kinda went ‘oh look, imma be gay cuz i wanna be’ type of thing.” I paused and poked at the bread of my half. “Its just kinda how i am. I tried dating girls but i wasnt attracted to em. Realized i was gay when I had a fling with a guy and liked it.”

“A fling?” Demyan asked, his mouth partially full of a sandwich bite.

Chuckling, “A one night stand?” Demyan still looked at me a confused look. “Touchy feely, the nasty, doing the naughty, Whoopie...Buggery.” I spoke in a very british accent for the last one.

Demyan choked on his food when he started laughing at the last word. He thumped on his chest and finished his laugh, “you mean sex yes?” he asked with a slightly cough in his throat.

“What did you think i was talkin about?” I took a bite of my half.

“I do not understand all of your slang, pup. I only got it when you said, “ Demyan paused and sat very posh like, “buggery” he made his own British accent.

I dropped my sub back down on the paper and put a hand on the table, looking away and trying not to laugh and spit my food out as well as not fucking choke on it. When i was all calm and composed again i turned to see Demyan with a very cocky look on his face. “Fuck you dude.” I gave him a quick middle finger to go with.

Demyan seemed very pleased with himself. “But thank you for explaining it, pup.”

“Soooooo.” I leaned in closer to Demyan.

“Hm?” Demyan turned his head slightly and raised his brow.

“What are you attracted to?” I smirked before taking a sip from my cup.

“Women.” He answered bluntly.

“Damn it.” I leaned back and slumped in my seat. Demyan chuckled and eyed me. Sitting back up, “nah i figured you were straight. A girl you’re interested in?”

“Was...interested in.” Demyan’s voice lowered a bit and he looked away.

“Are still interested in?” I asked,nodding my head slowly. Demyan was quite and still not looking at me exactly. “Yeah, you’re still into her.”

“I am….” he mumbled, a slightly blush on his tanned cheeks.

“Tell me about her.” I put my elbow on the table and rested my cheek in my palm. “We got all day mr love struck.”

Demyan finally looked at me then sighed heavily. “She is like me of course, but pure….white. The opposite of me actually.” his voice grew softer. “She is extremely beautiful, so much that she is ethereal.” a smile twitched onto his lips. “She is so sweet, kind, smart, talented and so good that she should have been born a goddess. She is too perfect for my world….and i feel deeply in love with her.” His face then saddened and his voice dropped a bit. “But she was...Is a princess and i am not in any way a candidate of being a suitor to her. Yet we still managed to be together in secret.” he started to smirk, “we would sneak out during times we should not have, left our kingdoms behind us and our world was just the two of us wrapped in each other's arms.” Demyan ran a hand through his bangs, pushing them back and smiling with a small chuckle. “We were terribly in love with each other, and i hope if...and when i return home maybe...just maybe i will see her again and she will still feel the same way i do to her.”

Holding my straw in my mouth i stared at Demyan. “Uuuuh.” I let go of my straw and straightened up, “what broke you two apart? If you dont mind tellin me that is.”

“We were found out.” He had a sad smile on his face. “I was forbidden to see her ever again, i was kept under lock and check. Someone followed me everywhere i went, they believed me to be a spy essentially, but i was just a young man who loved a woman who was my goddess.” He scratched the back of his head, “I do not know what happened to her. I never got the chance to find out for i was sent to training to become a Magicae Socius and eventually sent to your realm.” he sighed loudly, “thus how you and i met, when you found me,”

“So your romeo and Juliet who didnt kill themselves?” I asked setting my cup down.

“I do not know that reference.” he stared at me through squinted eyes.

“I’ll buy ya a copy of the play, you can read it on your free time.” I chuckled lightly before playing with my hair. “Im sorry about that though man.” Demyan looked at me with a softened face and slightly confused, “I hope you can meet her again and be with her some day.”

Demyan smiled softly at me, his eyes the softest ive ever seen them be. He looked so moved by what i said that he could cry, his voice was low and soft as well. “Thank you, Adrian.”

“Of course man.” I smiled at him a bit. “I dont experience the same problem like you, but i feel ya.”

“Are you not allowed to be with someone you love?” he asked, leaning forward and crossing his arms on the table.

“No not like that exactly, i dont love someone outside my family.” I twirled my hair on my finger. “For a long time though, Homosexual people werent allowed to marry.” Demyan looked at me with a slightly tilted head. “It was horribly frowned upon.”

“And now?” He asked, his chin rested on his hand.

“Its legal cross the country.” I smiled, “it was a huge moment for the community.” I felt my chest kinda tighten for a second. I remember the moment when i learned that it was legalized. I was at home and my mother came running into my room shouting my name and crying happily, she explained the news to me. I remember how i screamed in happiness and threw my arms up, my mouth hugging me and bouncing with me. Later that night my brother and sister came over and hugged me tightly as well. My brother and sister were both straight, but they were allies and were mostly just happy for me. My father wasn’t all bouncing and tears but he smiled at me and gave a hug that night as well.

“So you can marry a man now if you wished?” Demyan had a soft smile on his face.

“Yeah,but im not marrying any time soon.” I leaned in closer to him, “Cuz im not the only person they’d be marrying.”

“Who else?” Demyan looked at me with confusion written all over his face,

“YOOOOOU!” i leaned back and laughed, “you and i are a packaged deal buddy.”

“Not if our contract breaks.” He leaned back, chuckling himself.

“Do you plan to break it?” I asked.

“Of course not.” he smirked.

“Then you and be are like PB and J, bitch.” I got up and grabbed our trash to throw away.

“I will take that as a good reference, yes?” he stood up.

“You learn fast.” I smiled up at him, then pulled out my phone. “We should head back to the dorm, i do have homework.”

“That is fine by me.” Demyan smiled at me, then looked around us. “I will change when we are alone.” he walked in front of me off the patio.

“That sounds kinky.” I looked at his back with a smirk.

“Maybe i meant it that way.” Demyan looked back at me with a smirk then winked at me.

“DID YOU WINK AT ME?!” I yelled, throwing my cup violently into the trash.

“Maybe, what are you going to do,” Demyan paused and his smirk turned wicked, “Bitch.” he spoke in a very low deep voice.

“IMMA KILL YOU!” I sprinted towards demyan who ran away from me.

Demyan weaved through the minor crowd of people with grace and ease. Me on the other hand, not at all. I didnt run into anyone completely but i wasnt able to move like fucking running water like he was able to. Demyan would look back at me frequently to make sure i was still following him. I grabbed onto his varsity jacket that he was wearing, pulling it down off his upper arm. Demyan pulled his arms out of it and spun around to give me a cocky smirk before turning back around. I looked at the jacket then viciously shook it, tying it around my waist. The tank top that demyan had on showed a sinful amount of his back and chest to the whole world. How he ran so fast in skinny jeans was beyond me too, but he must feel light as a fucking feather compared to those puffy pants he wears so often.

We eventually made our way back to the campus on this wild chase. Demyan stood in front of me, his hands on his hips and his chest rising and falling with his heavy breathing. I ran up next to him and fell backwards onto my ass, throwing my head back and leaning back on my hands, breathing heavier than demyan.

“Twas a good work out, was it not?” Demyan looked down at me with a cocky smile.

“Shut. the.Fuck.UP.” I huffed and showed him my middle finger.

“Do you need help, pup?” He asked and held out his hand.

“You owe me!” I took his hand and he helped pull me up.

“Of course.” he chuckled lightly.When i was up on my feet again, he looked around and smiled. Black smoke wrapping around his body and there was his little bat form flying in front of my face. He flew closer to me and touched his little head to my forehead. “I enjoyed today.”

I smiled and chuckled lightly, still out of breath. “Yeah, same.”

“Thank you adrian.” He then flew into my pocket, when i looked down i noticed that the jacket i had wrapped around me was gone.

“No problem, lets do it again sometime, aight.” I slowly walked up the stairs to the third floor. My thighs fucking burning from the run demyan and i just had. I leaned against the wall beside the door the lead to the apartment Val and I shared.”never again am i chasing after you.” I sighed heavily, taking some deep breaths. Opening the door, i peered in to see if Val was in the living space. No brightly haired ginger, and it was silent in the apartment. “Must not be home.”

I walked in and closed the door gently behind me. I felt gross and sweaty and tired. I tied my hair up into a messy bun on top of my head and headed to the bathroom. I opened the door not too eruptly but quick enough that what i saw before me was not what i expected.

Wet bright red hair clung to porcelain white skin. His skin looked so soft, smooth, and delicate as fuck. That if i were to touch him, I’d just break the poor kid, or worse dirty up that beautiful perfect white skin. How did he not have scars or fucking anything, didnt even have freckles, he was just white as fuck like he was carved from Marble. His torso was not defined like mine was, but he had beautiful swoops and curves that showed he was fit enough yet unimaginably flexible. His thin arms hung beside his body as i trailed down to look at one his cock that was actually not bad to look at, but holy shit his thighs. I wanna touch his thighs, they just look so fuckin nice. His body was a whole canvas that i wanted to dirty with kisses, hickies and hand marks... but his thighs were something i just wanted to kiss up and down on. Leave scattered kisses, hickies and bite marks on his inner thighs, hide a mark or two on the back of his thighs or behind his knees. I slowly trailed back up to look at a prominent collarbone that had water trickling down and rolling down his torso. His neck was framed by wet hair that clung to the skin, when i reached his face. His lips were parted just enough and his face was as bright red as his hair, his eyes wide with shock. I looked him dead in the eyes, and i could feel my own face heat up and my lips twitch into a smile. Fuck i must look crazy as fuck right now.

I held up a finger, my mouth parted wide open and my other hand holding the bathroom doorknob. I was just kinda opening and closing my mouth before i pursed my lips together and felt my brows come together and a very loud “HMMMM.” came from behind my closed mouth and i backed out of the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I felt Demyan shift around in my pocket and little giggles coming from him.

A weird sounding giggle came from my mouth, that was louder than i had wanted it to be and I walked to the sofa and grabbed a throw pillow off of it and covered my face. “Fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!!” I started chanting very loudly, “GODDAMNIT, i wanna fuck his body up!” I yelled into the throw pillow and hunched over, squatting down onto the floor.

#Adrian Howell #Demyan #OcStroy #OCS

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chikotos · 8 years ago

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speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot.

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore.

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

#personal #animal abuse/#self harm/#other stuff probably i guess #nya #its long uhh full disclosure i sjt wanted to feel like i was talkin 2 someone nyall can ignore this

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