#sometimes i feel like there is no pride for the history of the country in what's taught in school

[forkaround]

I don't even know what Indian school are teaching or what even the point is... I learned from a white guy that something called The Indian Ocean Trade Route existed that connected coasts of Africa, Egypt and the Arabian world to India and other Asian countries including China. It was just as important as The Silk Road. In like - everything. But in 23 years of living in India - Never heard of it.

[fictionandfixation]

Older Bachelor headcanons!

Older Bachelor stardew headcanons because I’ve been playing lots recently! All sfw, some mentions of smoking/alcohol 💕 also please bear in mind I am no SDV expert, so sorry if these go against canon occasionally!

Harvey ☕️🔬📚

• Secret smoking habit that he would rather die than tell anyone about. Not often, but during flu season when he’s stressed, you can find him cooped up in his room with an imported cigar or a Marlboro Gold, an espresso and an Agatha Christie.

• Plays classic soul, funk, golden oldies and jazz in the foyer of the clinic on an old-timey record player, and chooses every day from his large record collection. Frequently irritates Maru with the extent of his Doris Day enjoyment.

• Kind of wide-set - very broad shoulders, and quite tall.

• Packets of salted peanuts and cookies on the clinic foyer desk which he restocks every week.

• Goes to fetch you personally from the mines or Skull Cavern sometimes when you get knocked out. And he also keeps a vintage forest green car behind the clinic to pick you up in. He hopes one day you’ll wake up on the way back and compliment his tasteful vehicle choice or notice he’s bringing you home. You don’t.

• Best friends with Evelyn. Worst enemies with George.

• Tennis player. Plays with whoever will say yes in the mountains and always manages to punt the ball into the lake somehow. Also used to be in a rock climbing club at university, and has sort of sinewy forearms as a result.

• Outrageous flirt after a few glasses of Pinot Noir, mostly because I think he’s on the spectrum but also because I think it would help him stop being quite so nervous.

• Brown suspenders. Every. Single. Day.

• Gives Jas and Vincent candy after their checkup.

• “Sweetheart/honey” as a nickname for you.

Elliott 📜🖋️🐚

• Striped. Matching. Pajamas.

• Finds, forages and cooks mussels when he needs to impress someone. And on that note, very much a French cuisine enjoyer.

• If blue cheese has no fans Elliott is dead.

• Rizz master. Silver tongue. Read so much romance when he was a teenager that it has actively become a part of his personality to be a book boyfriend.

• Very willowy and slender. Metabolism of the gods. Puts away food like it’s nobody’s business.

• Can read several languages, but just can’t master an accent so never uses them in a spoken context. Definitely a student of Latin.

• English accent headcanon! Probably spent the first couple of decades of his life in somewhere high-income like Warwickshire, or (more likely) Cornwall or Exeter, on or near the coast. I am also envisioning him as having been to an old collegiate university like Durham, or maybe a college at Oxford (Merton I reckon).

• Writes and then burns poems about everyone he’s ever been in love with. Starts keeping them when he meets you.

• Chats fashion history with Emily and Haley.

• Religious about his collection of cravat-style ties because he’s seen the Colin Firth Pride and Prejudice a few too many times.

• Frequent book club gatherings with Caroline, Marnie, Robin and Jodi (mostly because mothers love him, the main selling point here being that he has definitely read at least one Jodi Picoult book. He does not remember anything about it, he’s just glad to be invited).

“Dearest/my love” as a pet name.

Shane 🍺🍕🐓

• Snores. Very quiet about it though.

• I know a lot of people HC Harvey as oldest but I reckon it’s Shane. He also acts the most like a bitter old man whereas I feel Harvey is just ‘mature’.

• Could be convinced to grow a beard. Maybe.

• Goes for a jog three times a week. Hates it. Refuses to stop and really isn’t even sure why he does it himself any more.

• Secret Lana Del Rey enjoyer. Mainly a fan of Midwest emo, classic rock, nu metal and sometimes country but the kind of country where they sing about killing people and getting away with it.

• Raised by heavily Christian parents in the Deep South. Yes this is a Southern accent headcanon. Yeehaw.

• Lets Jas put eyeshadow on him sometimes. Shaves properly only when she wants to put makeup on him.

• Craft beer’s number one opp. Wants an ice cold tap Budweiser only, and if there isn’t enough head on it he will be asking for a refund. Not that Gus would ever do that to him.

• Has muscle with padding. Very strong, very wide in stature, but not lean at all. Biceps wider than your neck that you could (and would) use as pillows.

• Makes the most insane hangover breakfast known to man. Bacon. Pancakes. Sausage. Home fries. Butter. Syrup. You’re putting on a bit of healthy relationship weight for sure with Shane as your partner.

• “Darlin’/baby” user. “Sweet cheeks” as a joke. Kind of a joke.

Hope you guys enjoyed these!! I am down irretrievable for Older Bachelor content because I love ✨older men✨

Please let me know if you’d like some more for these characters or the other bachelors and bachelorettes!

[nwarrior777]

Nonborder Identity term and Nonborder flag: The Manifesto

Hello, I am Kris Volyk and i made new identity term because i don't feel myself in any i know. And also i made Pride flag for it

Read under the cut my Manifesto about it and Flag details meanings ❤

i will tell a bit of how i went to it before explaining what it is and what flag elements means

my gender path was a rollecoaster. I went throuth a lot of phases, tried a lot of "labels" on myself. I don't say phase is something bad - my labels fitted me then i was wearing it. Then i identified as agender, i really didn't felt any gender in myself, then i said that i am libraboy i did felt a bit of masculinity, and i indeed felt so Much Gender being xenogender. It was all great, but at some point i felt like i don't feel like anything i know fits.

It started then i moved to new country and felt... I remember in art university we were told about cave people not tearing themselves apart from nature. It was mindset which was about everything being nature and human was not something aside. Humanity wasn't even part of nature, there wasn't parts. Just nature.

And here in new place i feel it more and more every day. I just see these fake structures now, which humans build. All these weird rules. In everything, but in gender you know that ones - make up is for women, clothes which is f or m depends on which sides are buttons. It all just don't make sense to me now.

Things which are gendered still, for me no longer have gender. Beard can be on women, breast can be on men, people can look whatever and wear whatever and do whatever they want. I mean, if who i am talking to is asking to see them as some gender - sure. It's right of human to express their soul as they want and treated respectfully. I am just saying that for me, if i see beard, i will not be surprised at all to hear, that it's * not * a masculine person i see

So what's how i got to my own definition of how i feel now

Nonborder. Identity Definition

Nonborder - is identity, which ties together gender identity and other identities, such sexual and romantic. It's about removing gender concept from elements of life, which are still gendered by society. It's about Love, Freedom and Kindness

Originally it was about gender in my mind, but it is so much more.

The point in the name - non-border: it breaks the concept of gender and identities mentioned above, but, while breaking concept, it is kindly keep the elements of past understandings of identities, because who will keep queer history if not queers.

The main thing in being nonborder is not having gender as a concept in mindset, but, keeping in mind that elements, which were gendered by society, not disappears - nonborder mindset just remove the concept of gender from these elements. Physiology, look, clothes, moves - in nonborder mindset there is no assumption that any gendered element have to mean that human with this element is "matching" with society-decided gender-element role. (example - i am nonborder and if i see human with breast, if it turn out to be man it will be no surprise to my mindset)

So Kindness, it is that a human, being nonborder, translates to others - you see someone and accept their choice of self-expression or factors of their look they don't have control on and go with such pronounces [and analogs in other languages] which that person ask you to use. But here is part about, being nonborder for yourself.

Being nonborder for me, as i feel it, in gender - it's, without gender concept in mind, is more like a fluent vibes. I've made a post about it actually once - it's like, sometimes i feel myself like flower, sometimes like beast and if i will be ever on a beach i will feel myself like a happy whale. I don't feel myself like female, but i don't mind me having breast, i love my red lipstic, and black lipstick and not lipstick, and i am thinking about how to make an outfit with vibe of water dragon because i feel like that lately. I just. Feel.

So yeah. It's pretty much about that. The Feeling.

And, about it not being only about gender - i don't limit myself on who i can have fun with, i dream about long relationships, but i am flirty, etc. I guess it can be called pan and polyamory but i don't feel it fits - i just. Go how it goes. I get fun, and Love is just. About happiness and fun, it can be long fast deep or one kiss on party and never meet again - again, how with gender, i just go how i feel, how my heart go. I have preferences and dreams but like, sometimes my heart surprises me

The Flag. Imaginary meaning

And now quickly about the flag. Will put here image again because it will be hard to go back and for to look for details. It can be counts as image id also, i literally describe what is pictured and meaning

Black background - The Universe

White box in the centre - Boxes, labels, cages of forced rules

The star image in the centre [the star is not a standart 5 point star. It looks like square pillow if you very stretch all 4 point edges, rotated on 45°] painted in bright magenta-pink color [neon lights glow bright in night are usually associated with this color] - Star represent the ex plosi on, break out The Box. It also represent community - stars comes with constellations.

Two same stars on left and right side of the flag - which is again about something Which You Are Not Alone With, community. They are also placed in composition in a way (half out of the canvas) which makes it looks like start add something to the shape of Universe (black background)

The most important part - The Lines

The Lines is same color as stars, are coming from the star in the centre. It is heart-shaped fountain of lines, which goes up, around forming heart shape and connect to one line in the end. Lines are 7 - it is a contour of pride flag

These Lines tells most of the thing: shape of heart - Love and Kindness to yourself and others, Lines also look a bit, with star inside, as chest bones - which represents The Feelings and vibes, which nonborder feels instead of gender concept. Lines going up as fountain from the box - running away from cage, and connecting together going spirall all around box to New Begining - that idea of feeling not teared apart form community and Nature, which we lost but people in caves had

Whoah. It was. A bit hard to write. But, well. I lived my 26 years to came to that. I hope you will find this thing interesting at least or maybe even fitting your feelings. But i am happy even by. Bringing it up. Making flag was. Such an Expirience.

Happy pride month!

[beemovieerotica]

sometimes i see takes on here that i definitely believed in my early 20s when i was at a much worse time in my life with respect to my identity and everything...like API-americans are on here fully saying "i don't like how all these white people are trying to learn japanese / korean / tagalog :\ ...it feels fetishistic" and idk how to tell people that learning a language is not. fetishistic. learning a language is not demeaning anyone or anything. learning someone else's language is one of the most difficult things you can do with your free time and it provides an insight into culture and history that you oftentimes cannot get elsewhere, and it's the absolute baseline for respectful communication when visiting some countries...

but i get where this is coming from because when you're part of the diaspora, and your parents americanized you, and maybe they didn't even teach you their language (me) you get prickly about it. you start to resent people who don't look like you who are speaking the language you SHOULD have learned, better than you. but you have to get over it. this isn't about them, this is about your own family. you've got to reflect and swallow your pride and move the fuck on, because ragging on the weeaboo in your class isn't going to fix you.

[clove-pinks]

Is there anything about your new location (the terrain, the local culture, the physical sites, etc) that has given you a new perspective on regional events of the War of 1812?

This a wonderful ask, thank you! I have been mulling over how to answer it all day! This ended up getting so long I put it behind a cut (I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THIS).

The Maumee River, as seen from Fort Meigs Historic Site.

One thing new in my life is a heightened awareness of important rivers facilitating the movement of trade, supplies, and settlement. Particularly in the Old Northwest/current Midwest of the USA: regions that I grew up perceiving as a land-locked "flyover country."

Like, to give one example, I had a vague idea that there was a city called Fort Wayne, Indiana, but I thought it was just in the middle of a cornfield for no reason(?). But actually it's at the confluence of the St. Joseph, St. Marys, and Maumee Rivers, leading to the Great Lakes! The strategically important location is why General Anthony Wayne—that guy again—built the original fortification in 1794. I am downriver of all of this, connected to many inland waterways.

I also have a keen sense of living in the Great Black Swamp, despite how dramatically the land has been transformed by deforestation and drainage. There are the terrifying drainage ditches everywhere (the locals seem less perturbed by them), and many other signs of the natural state of the terrain—the swamp is just barely at bay. My coworkers have said "Black Swamp" unprompted in our conversations; I've seen it mentioned in local Facebook groups talking about the need for back-up sump pumps. The idea that people of northwest Ohio have no sense of history and are unaware of the Great Black Swamp isn't true at all.

I look at the pools of water that form in every hollow and think of the words of Alfred Lorrain, marching to Fort Meigs:

We had frequently to pass through what was called, in the provincialism of the frontiers, "swales"—standing ponds—through which the troops and packhorses which had preceded us had made a trail of shattered ice. Those swales were often a quarter of a mile long. They were, moreover, very unequal in their soundings. In common they were not more than half-leg deep; but sometimes, at a moment when we were not expecting it, we suddenly sank down to our cartridge-boxes.

Swale is a new word in my vocabulary, and now I see them everywhere!

Culturally, I think there is a great appreciation of history here: a very positive difference from the Chicagoland area. Even if the average local is probably not deeply into it, they have a consciousness of major historical events that have shaped their region and take pride in it. It's a lot more like New England that way.

Because of my focus on the War of 1812, I notice the absence of Indigenous people and voices—absent from historical accounts and from the demographics of Perrysburg and its environs today. I can't single out Ohio as being a uniquely violent settler-colonial state when this is ALL of the United States; but it hits different when I have this much greater familiarity with who was forcibly removed from this land, and how. The same US military leaders who fought in the War of 1812 were behind the (very much related) campaign for the removal of Native Americans from newly acquired territories, including the infamous Trail of Tears.

Once again, it's probably hypocritical for me to notice this so much, when I literally grew up on Wampanoag land where King Philip's War was fought, but here I am. Suddenly aware of General Wayne's name on everything, etc.

General Wayne's spurs in the Fort Meigs Museum. Not pictured: the can of Maumee Bay Brewing Co. Fallen Timbers Ale that I am currently drinking.

I haven't had the chance to explore physical sites with historical significance beyond Fort Meigs and Fallen Timbers. I know I will get to the ruins of Fort Miamis soon, and I really want to explore a lot of wetlands in local parks and nature preserves (that will double as birdwatching excursions). I am always thinking about what this place looked like 200 years ago, and what I can see today that might still look familiar to a person from that time.

I had a great trip to the National Museum of the Great Lakes today, which is closer than I thought! Local maritime museums are also on my agenda, even if they're not specifically War of 1812-related.

[coffee-in-that-nebula]

It's still pride month - some thoughts on my sexual orientation.

I’m 30 years old, and sometimes I feel bad for not having figured things out entirely when it comes to my sexual orientation. But, oh, I’ve come a long way.

I come from a homophobic country, and even worse, I live in a small town. In simple words, this means that people CAN’T be open about their sexuality because they won’t be accepted and treated as equals. We won’t be able to find jobs, socialize, and in many cases even walk safely outside. Things are better in big cities, but far from perfect.

So, it took me a while to accept that I’m not straight. I’m going to admit that when I was around 18, I hoped I was straight because it was just the easiest way. But I wasn’t, and unfortunately, I had to deal with relationships and partners that didn’t benefit me in any way, and in some cases, they weren’t even good for me - or I was too good for them.

When I started exploring my sexuality, around 19-21 years old, my flings and I were hiding. We could be open only in certain places and bars, and only among certain people - and that was in a city that I was living at the time, not even at my miserable hometown. Let’s not talk about the internalized shame, fear, and guilt - yes, they existed.

Anyway, for years I identified either as lesbian or as pansexual - during different periods of time - so my sexual orientantion was/is fluid. It usually didn’t bother me, because I used to not be a fan of labels anyway. I’d usually give a certain orientantion to myself only when someone would ask.

But nowadays, history has proven that I’m pansexual and my orientation has actually been fixed for a while.

After the major depressive episode I went through last year, in some ways (and maybe in most ways) I’m rebuilding myself, and I started liking ‘labels’ because they help me understand and accept myself better. So, yes, I’m pansexual, and I started talking openly about it to the people who are close to me. And I was so open maybe for the very first time in my life - yes, at fucking 30.

Then, I came out to my mother. My father passed away when I was about 23, so I didn’t have the chance to talk to him about it. I like to believe that he would have been supportive, although, in all honesty, I have no idea that this would have been the case. My mother wasn’t supportive, and I didn’t expect her to be. Actually, I didn’t even want to come out to her so I could be open about my love life - I’ve always been private with my family regarding this. I was just fed up with her homophobia, her constant bitching and our constant fighting that didn’t lead anywhere anyway.

So, it didn’t go well, and I couldn’t care less. I’m grateful that I did it at the perfect time for me - mentally, emotionally, and financially stable. Probably 5 years ago, I’d have cared more. I’d have been hurt, and I’d have wanted both her support and validation.

Now, I’m just moving out into my own place and I couldn’t be happier.

Anyway, it’s been an exciting and confusing journey. Just yesterday I was googling things like… “can I be pansexual and sapphic?” and “can I be pansexual and femme?” - just things I’m identifying with, and somehow I’d like to make sure that I’m valid for feeling this way. And yes, I’m valid, and for the first time in my life, I am able to rediscover and build myself around my sexual orientation. I’m not… actively hiding it anymore. Yes, I still live in the same country and in the same town (at least for the time being) but many people in my life know and whether they’ve accepted it or not, I can just go on feeling more relieved than I’ve felt in years.

But yes, it’s still a journey, and I expect journeys to have their ups and downs.

[sushis-brainrot]

I know you are Danish, but as a Dane what do you think of Valhalla as a game? (I’ve always wondered what a local person would think of a representation of their country history). How does it feel seeing your history and potential ancestors on there?

Oh, I could write a novel on this. 😅

Even if Eivor hails from Norway, most Vikings who conquered, settled and raided in England - came from Denmark. A fact you'll oddly enough find most Danes proud of. Nonetheless, AC Valhalla has a super interesting take on it and still manages to apply real historical context - despite the game being fictional. With most Danes being able to track their ancestry back to Odin, and taking pride in their Viking heritage, AC Valhalla had a challenge ahead of them. But I genuinely feel like they've written us a beautiful love letter while staying true to the franchise.

Having grown up with Norse Mythology, though, and having had an insatiable interest in it since my first encounters with it as a child, that is what truly piques my interest. Norse Mythology is such an incredibly fun and human experience. A story and a world that translates well into a setting such as AC Valhalla. And not only because of the historical context.

The representation of mythological characters, the gods (æsir and vanir alike), the jötnar and dwarves are, in my opinion, fantastic.

Odin's arrogance, his hunger for power and knowledge, with just a touch of something playful.

Loki's mischievous nature, his cunning and intelligence - how he seems to believe the impossible to be improbable, and like a riddle to be solved.

Frigg's motherly determination.

Freyja's smarts and passion - how they remember that she's not only a goddess of love but also a goddess of war.

Each god has different qualities, weaknesses, and attributes. In Norse Mythology, an important characteristic is how the gods exhibit a plethora of human traits, behaving much like humans with emotions and interpersonal conflicts. The gods were meant to serve as role models, showing humans how to live and which rules to follow – and which ones could be broken. The existence of the gods was just as fraught with problems as that of humans, and their primary task was to ensure that chaos did not erupt. They're meant to be relatable - human - in their person and behaviour. And this is something I feel AC Valhalla shows and explores well.

The narrative of AC Valhalla doesn't shy away from presenting Odin's choices in a morally ambiguous light. The impact of Odin's decisions on the world around him, including the relationships with other Isu (Loki especially) and the well-being of Ásgarðr, serves as a reminder of the intricate web of cause and effect. While Odin's decisions, driven by a mix of self-preservation and concern for his people (or family), blur the lines between right and wrong. The game invites players to question the morality of Odin's choices, fostering a deeper engagement with and understanding of his character. Even as an Isu, a God, even as he believes himself infallible: Odin is human. He's flawed.

And it reflects in Eivor. She's confident in herself, and in her abilities, sometimes verging on arrogant. But through her discoveries and development throughout the game, she's humbled and realises what is truly important to her, which eventually leads to her rejection of Odin. Her whole experience and journey are so authentically human. Her emotions, her experiences, and her relationship with Odin. Finding herself, despite what whispers in her ear, and realising what holds her heart.

But this is something I feel the AC franchise does well: they tell stories that are unique to the human experience. Something that harmonizes well with the themes of Norse Mythology.

I feel they've done an amazing job with AC Valhalla. I genuinely love the game, I keep coming back to it; thinking about it. With AC Valhalla they've crafted a captivating and immersive experience that seamlessly blends the storytelling of Norse Mythology, Viking Culture, and the fictional aspects of Assassin's Creed, while beautifully conveying the complicated message of the human experience.

That's it.... I apologize for getting carried away 😅

What was the question again? 🤣

[ozbian]

For reference, Ludinus' final words, Matt's description and Brennan's narration during The Nox Engine, right before the memories started playing

Welcome. Welcome to the Occultus Thalamus.

The high mages of the Age of Arcanum were the greatest minds of Exandrian history. The call to innovation created great societies of ingenuity, ambition and endless potential.

Using the gifts of the gods bestowed upon them, they began to unravel the great secrets of the universe. Prideful, perhaps, but beautiful.

And they feared it.

Once the child becomes the parent, often those in power can grow resentful, and they did.

And when more came crawling around, a war of omnipotent children bickering, these brilliant minds had to adapt, focus to implements of war beyond just implements of progress.

When the divine threatens your families, your children, the very future of life as you know it, they reveal themselves as the enemy.

I saw it. I was there in the final days of the Calamity. I watched mountains brought to dust, whole country set aflame, the tantrums of the gods wantonly murdering and massacring the majority of all civilization on Exandria.

When the dust had settled and their rivalry paused, the few of us that survived wallowed in the dust and ash and spent centuries trying to rebuild from what scraps we could find, while they vanished beyond their gate to protect us, or perhaps to hide from us once they saw what was capable.

I survived, watched as a child, acknowledged what they wrought as they fled to the mystical hideaways.

This world has been manipulated, duped in its opinion, its understanding of divinity. For those that write the history books are those in power and there is no power higher than them.

There's a reason they fear me.

Some of it's Predathos, yes, but I found something equally important here. Sometimes the most important weapon is information. And these mageocracies in many places had ways of recording things, knowledge, history, some lost to time, but Aeor created the Thalamus, a device that recorded the spiritual memory of all in the city, including those that brought it low.

I've spent a day or so studying this and I found something, something I think you want to see."

He reaches over to the cracked central dome and places his hands near it, and as it does, (cracking) begins to open up, mist (spurting) billows out and you watch as this light green orb emerges, an endlessly fractal network of threads of Arcane power, layered upon themselves over and over again, and it drifts beyond them.

Within here lies the memories of Aeor, fractured, but enough.

And what I will show you, I will show the rest of Exandria."

As he changes the hold on the sides of his hands, the orb begins to spin rapidly, whirs loudly. (spinning) It begins to brighten.

This light begins to burst and pulse. (light expanding)

All of you feel instinctively like you have to recoil as entirely the very space around you is filled with light.

Your spirit is filled with light. Your mind is filled with light. All there is is light.

LIGHT.

[sassykinzonline]

Going off on a tangent (I’m lowkey obsessed with your blog so now I’m going to yell my thoughts at you)

I get so disappointed at the lack of any lore drops between Naruto’s heritages like obviously the uzamaki’s were exploited and basically had a like genocide (Karin’s backstory had me so fucked) and maybe it’s to show how normal it is in shinobi society to just brush anything under the rug when it comes to genocides and systemic issues which duh but I wish I could’ve seen more nuanced stuff like diaspora between the few survivors of lost clans, how they survived or heck how they try to preserve their culture.

Idk maybe I’m not making any sense but as someone who has like no ties to my origins (AA, especially growing up to ppl denying AA culture and how AA culture gets sold) I wished I saw that kind of relatability in Naruto since he himself is basically separated from his culture and didn’t even know who his parents were I feel like that could lead to some like deeper stuff. I feel like Naruto would try to preserve his cultures and clans (he does in way ig in boruto but I barely seen that anime and that’s a whole other discussion with how clans are treated)

And in a way I guess it’s the most realistic part of Naruto like yea the ppl in charge might give a nod in acknowledgement of how they were bystanders and that the system failed ppl (if they even go as far as to accept that) it’s just to make the ppl they exploit/ed shut up and be happy that they were even seen in the first place (working class, blm, Palestine, Native Americans etc)

But god do I wish Naruto dived into the isolation of the lack of culture or even the lack of your own ppl can have.

first of all thank you for your support and engagement, it gives joy. feel free to yell at me whenever, i have a naruto so im used to it.

this is also something that used to upset me and now just frustrates me. i technically wasnt the last uchiha until after the war, but itachi and i couldnt communicate, madara cut ties with the clan, and just like me obito left the village as a child. one of the worst things about the genocide was this crushing anxiety of "what will become of our history?" i was old enough to have pride in the concept of "uchiha" but too young to have a meaningful understanding of it. and i guess deep down thats what contributed to my steady depersonalization and increasing franticness-- i knew there was really nothing i could do to preserve my clan so at least i needed to preserve their honour (and this was also why i understand itachi's reasons for not sharing the truth).

all this to say, my heart breaks for naruto because he doesnt even know what he doesnt know. and like you said, thats mostly a function of how konoha chose to operate. i still dont understand why they couldnt at least tell naruto about his mom. i dont understand why jiraiya didnt come back to teach him sealing. but i do know why and its because the shinobi system works best if you dont see yourself as an individual first. everything you are and have needs to belong to the state, and if it doesnt, then they will eliminate it. konoha took advantage of the genocide in uzushio to essentially traffic their women and then say there was "friendship" between the two villages...then do nothing to preserve the uzumaki or uzushio history. disgusting.

youre making sense. ive actually thought that naruto's case is similar to children from asia who were trafficked and brought to western countries post-war, completely removed from their culture and often neglected and abused for a culture they couldnt even own. i think the uchiha are a bit similar to african americans given the systematic lack of consideration for contributions to the development of society, the war between respectability/assimilation and self-determination/anti-discrimination, and like you said the commodification and demonization of culture. and i do agree with you about naruto, but i think it also helps him sometimes. for better or for worse hes...simple. he doesnt think too much about things he doesnt know, and that helps him get through his days with less of a load. he does have his bad days, where hes...lost, but if he were any other way he wouldnt be naruto. luckily the boruto versions of us arent real, but even then i think they make sense given what they were trying to accomplish with that show (ie. dumb down everything for the Manly Men who didnt get what was happening the first time).

when i was traveling after the war i did try to do some preliminary investigation into existing uzumaki refugees and diaspora, but it was a bit difficult though due to their history. ive been thinking about putting together an extended campaign and mission for us to reunify the uzumaki, for his birthday. i just need to figure out how best to go about it. keep it a secret between us.

[theraggedygirl11]

New analysis on the way. As soon as I saw the new Bojan's photo, I immediately searched for the flowers and their meanings, as the self-proclaimed flowers expert of this part of the fandom.

I'm pretty sure the flowers are hydrangeas/hortensias (like @anxious-witch already said in his analysis).

Hydrangeas symbolize so many things based on their colours, and the meanings may change even based on the country or the historic era!

So prepare yourself for a dive into hydrangeas meanings (everything is from the internet, I will link everything I've found)

It's a long analysis, I'm sorry

Also, this is my opinion on this specific photo, feel free to add anything you want

Brief history facts here and here. In these links you'll find also other facts about this flower, and its meanings too, which I'll summarize down here.

White Hydrangea

They symbolize purity, innocence and honour, but also arrogance, vanity and boasting (maybe from the Victoria era, when this flower carried a negative meaning since it was gifted from men to women who rejected them and it was a way to indicate women's frigidity). Besides, these flowers are well known to have a huge inflorescence but produce very few seeds.

Blue Hydrangea

In ancient Japan this flower is linked to apology and remorse (there's a legend about and emperor who neglected the woman he loved, so he gifted her these flowers as an apology), nowadays it also means serenity and gratitude.

Pink Hydrangea

It symbolizes thoughtfulness, grace and love. It's the perfect gift to express affection and admiration for someone special.

Purple Hydrangea

It represents the desire for deep understanding. The colour purple is usually associated with royalty, pride and gratefulness across many cultures.

Brief summary from this website:

Unfortunately the photo is in black and white, so we can't really know the colour(s) of the flowers in it, but we don't care.

Let's go through every colour and connect it to Bojan.

White has pretty conflicting meanings, for sure. This colour is linked to purity, but, as I said above, it may also mean boasting and vanity. Let's focus on this last meaning. Bojan never showed himself to be openly vain, except for one thing: his hair. He complained about his gray/white streak more than once (cue to Plastika "koža ni več sveža in sivijo mi lasje,/ pa triindvajset jih imam šele"-"my skin is no longer fresh and my hair is going grey/ and I'm only twenty-three", then corrected to twenty-five in Groningen), and I'm pretty sure he's used to dye his hair because the white streak sometimes magically disappears. Now, white/grey hairs are a sign of old age and it's not unsual for younger people to get them (I'm turning 27 this year and I too have some random white hairs). Bojan's complaints, even in a jokingly way, show though that he's in some way affected by this. Beauty is linked to vanity, both in art and in literature.

Blue hydrangeas carry/carried a specific meaning in Japan, as already stated, which is linked to apology and remorse. Is he sorry for not reaching some of his goals, like winning Eurovision? Is he apologizing to us, his fans? To Slovenia, the country he so proudly represented at Eurovision and failed to make it proud of his work with their lower position in the final chart? To someone else we don't know about? We also know that they became a phenomenon despite the fact that Eurovision was a "disaster". Slovenia became famous, now people want to visit this country or even moving there to live. People are learning a language that only about 2 million people speak (it's still a pretty big group of people, but compared to other European countries, like Germany, France or Italy, it's a small amount of speakers). Is he grateful for the huge opportunity that Eurovision gave them to let the world know that Slovenia exists and that it's a nice country that deserves to be known? Is he saying "thank you" for other things?

Pink is often linked to nice feelings and emotions. In this case the flower symbolizes true feelings and sincere emotions. Bojan is a lyricist, he pours what he experiences and feels into his lyrics, and thanks to this we have Padam, Novi Val, Vse Kar Vem, and so on. Is this a wish for him to be even more open and truer on what he writes? A wish for him to be more free to write what he wants and feels and not what the public wants him to write? Being true and honest with yourself has always been a focal point in so many artists and has affected their work thoughtout the centuries. They have to live thanks to their art, so what do you do? Do you listen to your heart or do you please the people who give you the money to live?

Purple is the last colour but not the least important. It's a royal colour, also linked to pride. Being proud can be a double edged sword: one can be proud of what he's doing and achieving, but the line between pride and arrogance is narrow and one can easily slip into arrogance. Personally, I've never seen Bojan as arrogant, but this colour might remind him to be proud of his work, also the future one he'll do, and to not let arrogance conquer his spirit, to stay humble like he is now.

[womantoday]

Ruby Falls {January 16, 1946 - June 15, 1986}

Ruby Falls has been the most successful black woman country performer to date, with her mellifluous voice taking her to the Billboard country singles chart nine times between 1974 and 1979. Her biggest hits were “You’ve Got To Mend This Heartache,” which peaked at number 40 in 1977 and “I’m Getting’ Into Your Love,” which peaked at number 56 in 1979. Falls was also nominated as country music’s Most Promising Female Vocalist in 1975 by country industry trade media. She recorded on the 50 States Records label and also found success in her stage shows. In the late 1970’s, she was touring through the Atlas Artists Bureau with Grand Ole Opry star Justin Tubb. She also performed with such country greats as Faron Young, Jeanne Pruett, Del Reeves, Narvel Felts, and Dave & Sugar. She additionally got significant Nashville area and national promotion on such television programs as the Ralph Emery Show, Nashville Today, Good Ol’ Nashville Music and Music Hall America.

When Falls died in Nashville at the young age of 40 of a brain hemorrhage in June 1986, she was touted by the media along with Linda Martell for becoming one of the first black women to find significant success in country music. In a brief retrospective nine years after her death, Nashville’s major daily newspaper, The Tennessean, proclaimed, “Along with other successful black artists of the period, such as Charley Pride and Stoney Edwards, she helped illuminate the black community’s long history of artistic contributions to the country.” Tubb told the media after her death that “She was the one of the best friends I ever had. Ruby Falls made everybody feel good that she was around.”

Born as Bertha Frances Bearden (married: Dorsey) in January 1946, on a farm near Jackson, Tennessee, Falls spent her early years primarily picking cotton, tomatoes and strawberries. She dreaded her days in the field at the hand of a strict grandmother, who was her guardian. For refuge, she listened to the radio a lot at night, particularly to country music heard frequently on station KLAC out of Gallatin, Tennessee. The sounds she heard prompted her to dream of a singing career. She began that career singing in churches, in schools on talent shows and at local social events as a teenager.

After high school she moved to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, took voice, dance and charm lessons, and turned professional in early 1960’s by becoming lead singer with the group Harvey Scales and the Seven Sounds. The group travelled all over the country and performed country, pop, and rock in such places as Las Vegas and New York supper clubs. Then she joined a rock and jazz band whose club dates were typically closer to home. Then she decided to concentrate on the music she enjoyed most and moved to Nashville. There she was discovered by Johnny Howard, who signed her to 50 States in 1974.

She took the name Ruby Falls from one of Tennessee’s natural treasures- a cavern that is 1,100 feet below the surface of Lookout Mountain in Chattanooga, is the deepest cavern in the United States and boasts the highest underground waterfall open to the public. “It’s like a dream come true,” she says in a publicity brief, about her success as Ruby Falls. “I get to thinking about everything good that’s happened to me since I moved to Nashville and sometimes I get so excited I feel I sing in my sleep every night.” Of her move to Nashville to concentrate on both singing and writing country, she adds, “It made sense. There’s a lot of country girl left in me and I guess it shows in my music like it does in my talking…I love music and I love people, so my main goal is making music that people will love. I want to do my very best all the time so people will love me.”

After pounding the Nashville pavement and landing a recording contract, Falls found that having records out in the public and getting touring dates was not enough to bring her what she wanted. She wanted more. She wanted to catapult her career to the next level. A grand opportunity to just that came to her in 1976 when she won a slot to perform before thousands of country radio on-air personalities and executives from around the country. Gathered in Nashville for their annual industry convention known as the Country Radio Seminar, these are the people who somehow had to become attracted to Falls and be part of an overall effort to promote her and her music if she were to become a true star. But the opportunity didn’t open the doors she had expected, and by the time of her death she was disgruntled at not having done better in her career and had taken a traditional job at a computer firm.

Falls did not blame people’s reaction to her race for her not reaching the heights she had dreamed of, and she had earlier vowed to keep trying to reach her career goals in every way she could think of. “Everybody’s been real nice to me,” she said in a September 1977 Essence magazine article. “I’ve never had negative incidents on the road. If I did, I wouldn’t pay them any mind…I want to be a star. No one ever told me that it was gonna be easy. I’m gonna hang on in there for as long as it takes to make it.”

articles: Hillbilly Music Jet Billboard The Black Women Of Country Music That Nashville Sound

Youtube: Sweet Country Music {1975} He Loves Me All To Pieces {1975} Let's Spend Summer In The Country {1975} Show Me Where {1976} Somewhere There’s A Rainbow Over Texas {1976} Beware Of The Woman (Before She Gets To Your Man) {1976} You’ve Got To Mend This Heartache {1977} Do The Buck Dance {1977} Three Nights A Week {1978} If That’s Not Loving You (You Can’t Say I Didn’t Try) {1978} I’m Gettin’ Into Your Love {1979}

Stella Parton Remembers Singer Ruby Falls {2022}

Country Music Time #767: interview {1982}

[onthewaytosomewhere]

3 for a rwrb ship??

so ask for a rwrb ship and i'm gonna give ya 2 apparently - a lil firstprince with a side of mentioned liam/pez (cuz well they invade all my stuff these days) :)

Alex had noticed that Henry, his roommate for many years and best friend for more than that, was out of sorts; it happened occasionally, but lately, as June and summer approached, it seemed more frequent. His attempts to figure out what had changed recently yielded no results, and he resorted to this. He was sitting in their living room waiting for Pez to arrive; well, he assumed it would be Pez and Liam as they seemed inseparable these days, attempting to keep Henry from either leaving or retreating to his room without being suspicious.

If Pez didn’t get there soon, Alex was afraid he’d kiss Henry because he ran out of ideas to keep him there in the living room and make him not seem so sad. Seeing him this way so much more lately made him contemplate things he knew he wanted but was unsure if Henry would. Luckily for Alex, their doorbell rang before he did something he’d regret, something that would lose him his best friend.

He ran for the door and flung it open. Pez and Liam came in, and Alex saw the look on Henry’s face, the way it fell when he realized what Alex had done. Alex wanted to say something. The apology stuck in his throat was probably a good place to start, but he wouldn’t get that chance if he didn’t start talking. Instead, he walked back to the sofa where Henry sat, plopped down next to him, and took his hand.

“Hen, we’re – “

Henry interrupted, “Alex, if you say you’re worried about me and this is the beginning of some sort of intervention, you can stop. I know I’ve been off; I just don’t know how to get past that.”

Alex's heart nearly broke hearing his friend say he was struggling and didn’t think to ask for help. “Hen,” he looked up as Pez and Liam joined them in the living room. Pez sat on the floor next to Henry, and Alex could tell that, just like him, he felt guilt for letting their friend get to this point. He started again. “Henry, let us help you; you don’t have to do whatever this is alone; please let us in,” he pleaded.

Henry took a deep breath, “It’s just it’s almost June, and of course, that means Pride, and I know everyone has been talking about the parades and all these other plans, but I feel like a fraud.” Alex was stopped from interrupting by Henry’s head shake, “So many people have had real struggles in their lives as queer people, and I waste my time getting upset because Gran doesn’t want to acknowledge who I am.”

Alex was beaten to a response by Percy, “Well, to be fair, Haz, your gran is the Queen of England, so the way she treated you in the past did mean that was how the country did.”

“No, that’s not it, really. I just – I’ve studied queer history, so I know that it started as a protest and what so many people went through, and I couldn’t, and am still not sure if I can, truthfully, stand up to an old lady who is my own family. Where is my protest, and when will I stand up and say enough is enough? Do I even deserve to be at Pride with all of you if I can’t do this one thing?”

“First of all, yes, Pride is a protest first and foremost, and I get feeling like you’re not doing enough. I mean, I’ve barely told anyone about my bisexuality because I wasn’t sure until June and Nora talked me around about it, at least, since I had never even kissed a guy, if I could still call myself that. I know it’s not the same, but you’re talking about needing to be involved in some sort of protest or making some big move, but tell me that you know queer joy can be your protest. You can, and deserve to, be happy in who you are, and sometimes that’s the best form of ‘sticking it to someone’ you can do. Showing them how they’ve treated you in the past hasn’t ruined your future.”

Henry looked, to Alex, as if he was going to run, so he had found himself grabbing his hand as if he was the only one who could anchor him to that spot. He held on as if he could send every positive thought Henry might need in that moment to him through that connection. When Henry turned to look at him, Alex saw the way he glanced down at their joined hands, almost in awe. He still saw that look in those shimmery blue eyes that had always lured him in, and he decided maybe now was the time to take his chance.

Alex leaned in and whispered, “I’m gonna kiss you if you don’t stop me; please stop me if you don’t want this.” He continued his path to Henry’s lips and was met halfway. When their lips met, what he thought would be a gentle press of lips was actually so much more. Henry’s lips melded with Alex’s in a battle for control, teeth scraped and tongues soothed the sting left behind. He knew they had an audience, but right then, all he cared about was the way Henry kissed him back. The way he got everything he wanted.

also can be found on ao3

[mmkin]

omg wtf bellemere

I realize this is likely to be an unpopular opinion and people may hate me for it, but I think what Bellemere's sacrifice was stupid and unneccessary.

Was she brave and noble? Hell yes. And I know that OPLA and the anime/manga differ in the telling of this story, so for the sake of clarity, I'm referring to the anime here since Bellemere had less wiggle room in the OPLA.

In the anime, Bellemere and Genzo had Arlong convinced that her household was a single-person household. The village records indicated as such, and if Bellemere had not blurted out the truth to Arlong, I believe that the village would have been happy to hide Nami and Nojiko because as the anime showed, even though the villagers had been reluctant for Bellemere to adopt the girls, the villagers came to care about them nonetheless.

If Arlong and his men come around once a month there is no reason to think that the villagers could not have gotten away with it. After all there are records and stories of people who lived in hiding for YEARS (i.e. Jews in the Holocaust, or escaped slaves or political dissidents who could not easily leave the country/place they were stuck in, etc)

Plus, without her around, who was going to pay the monthly tribute for the girls? (she had no way of knowing that Arlong would take Nami) Bellemere did figure that the fishmen would destroy the village's boats, which would put the villagers in tighter financial constraints than they had already been. She was placing the burden of paying the tribute for the girls onto other villagers who just had their means of income affected by the destruction of the boats.

Did Bellemere love her children? I don't doubt that, but I really feel that she should have fought to stay alive, and if she were alive, then she could take part in hiding her girls and keeping them safe instead of sacrificing herself and leaving the girls to an unknown and possibly (probably) shitty fate.

So in the end, Bellemere essentially offed herself (via Arlong) to cast her girls into an uncertain fate and to place a financial burden on the village, AND subjected her daughters to the trauma of watching Arlong kill her.

If Bellemere maintained the lie that she had no kids, it wouldn't have meant she loved Nami and Nojiko any less. It would have simply meant she was pragmatic, and after all, you know the saying, actions speak louder than words.

You can be noble and stupid at the same time. History is full of examples of such. Sometimes you just gotta swallow your pride, hey?

[nerdygaymormon]

Wearing a flag pin at church

On Sunday I was in a discussion where someone brought up they heard of a bishop in Utah who was wearing a Rainbow Pride flag pin on Sundays and received many positive comments. Some members were unhappy and went to the stake president, and when he didn't intervene, went to the Area President, who instructed the stake president to tell the bishop to not wear the Pride flag anymore.

One of my friends who works for the US military said he does not wear an American flag pin on his suits when he comes to church. Church and state are separate. He comes to church for religion and the gospel. Wearing a pin shouldn't be what determines if he's patriotic, simply looking at his life would answer that.

I appreciated his comment, and I thought of how the country sometimes does things that conflict with what Christ taught, such as how it treats immigrants, poor people, how it idolizes and supports the rich, and has used its might to destabilize and overthrow other nations for our gain.

But I feel differently about someone wearing the Pride flag. People don't wonder if they're accepted or wanted at church for being an American. This church has a history of being homophobic and transphobic even to this day. A queer person may legitimately wonder if they would be accepted at church if they come out. Someone wearing a flag is indicating even if the church isn't loving and accepting, they are. If you need someone to talk with, they're someone safe. The intent behind wearing the Pride flag is different from someone who is wearing the national flag.

Like my friend who doesn’t wear an American flag pin, I don't wear the Pride flag myself. I am gay and am out and open about it, I don't feel I need the flag to identify myself, I am the rainbow. If a queer person wants to wear a rainbow flag at church, I support that. I do have rainbow-themed pins on my church bag as a way to affirm myself while in that space, and I appreciate seeing allies wearing rainbow items so they're easily identifiable. While I support someone wearing the Pride flag, I feel like queer people have other more subtler options than the rainbow flag to indicate our queerness, things which other queer people will pick up on.

[bababaka]

Welcome back to Rewriting Twilight!

Here is part 1, if you missed it and want to read it.

Part 2 - Jasper being a confederate soldier

Or, Jasper being in the wrong side of history

Let's go!

Trigger warning: racism, anxiety attacks, violence.

So because i was not born in the USA, and did not study USA's history i didn't understand the whole thing about the confederate soldier, but as i got deeper into the twilight fandom, i got a grasp about what it was. And now i did a 5 minute search in google about the civil war and the sides of it blah blah blah. Here's what i found about it, and thought was important for this "rewrite":

"Men on both sides were inspired to fight by patriotism, state pride, the chance for adventure, steady pay. Union soldiers fought to preserve the Union; the common Confederate fought to defend his home. Later in the war, increasing numbers of Federal soldiers fought to abolish slavery, if for no other reason than to end the war quickly. Confederate soldiers sometimes fought because they feared Union victory would result in a society where black people were placed on an even footing with whites."

Ok. What do we take from this?

Jasper is racist :) not was, but is. Because, in the movies when he talks about it, he doesn't look contrite or remorseful, he doesn't say: yeah, i later realised i was wrong, bla bla bla.

My problem is exactly that. Not that he was a confederate soldier and whatnot. Hell yeah he was a racist. My problem is that he doesn't regret it. It is not shown to the audience that he regrets and is ashamed of what he once was part of, of the ideals and morals he fought and was willing to die for.

Sooooo, here is my take on how to do exactly that :)

This would happen in the third movie of the franchise. And Jasper would be the focus of it.

Through the whole thing of the new born army, we would see Jasper in his mind reliving his life, and his time with Maria, and his time as confederate soldier.

So, it would start, Jasper, at the ripe age of 18(?), enlists to the army of the confederate. To fight for his country, his ideals and morals, for right and wrong. All that was taught by his father.

He trains and fights and shoots. He does all that was required of him, like a good soldier of his nation.

He kills and despises black people. The dirt of the ground.

He rides his horse, and hold onto his southern hat.

And, then along comes, Maria.

Maria, well, does what she does in canon. Im not going to really change it. Its amazing.

She turns and manipulates him. Turning him into a puppet, her puppet.

She keeps him at her side, almost all the time, because of his well good looks (she is very much superficial) and abilities, his fighting techniques.

And then, doing a simple walk, alongside Maria, they come across a runaway slave. A black man, in his middle twenties. And the beautiful thing is, before turning into a vampire, Jasper would sneer and scowl, maybe kill the dude. He would despise the other man. Whom he wouldn't even consider being a man, his equal.

Maria takes an interest in the runaway, and so they come closer, and so, as Maria mostly interacts with him, Jasper, so against it, feels the emotions that this stranger was feeling. He feels scared. Hes terrified out his mind. Hes tired. And that is the starting point there.

So, i don't know how racists think because well im not one, and have never befriended one to try understand nor have i made a research to try understand what goes on. But neverthless, lets pretend Jasper was the kind of racist who didn't even think black people were truly human. As if they are a monster or some foul, soulless creature.

But, now Jasper is an empath! How fucking beautiful is that?! A man who had little to no empathy, becomes this strange creature that feels everything. Who kill people to feed himself with tears in his eyes and maybe even is induced into an anxiety attack. He feels the terror. The despair, the need to survive. Maybe, when is near anything that reflects his image while killing his victim, Jasper sees himself and for a moment, is scared of the creature he sees there.

In the begining of his years as a vampire, Jasper would be just this emotional mess. And Maria would confort him, of course she would. Why wouldn't she? What better way to make this powerful, handsome, and tatctiful man into her loyal little puppy whom she can manipulate as she fits? Though, because she's awful, she'd get annoyed sometimes with him, and would snap at him. To stop being a baby, weak and fragil. To be a man. He gets hurt by that, but would always come back to her. Because at tht point, she already made herself important to Jasper. Emotionally attached to her, Maria would be seen by Jasper as the calm in the middle of the storm, a warm embrace and soft caresses and gentle words.

Though, with time, she gets restless, and meaner. And of course, with time, Jasper will learn to harden himself and be more in control of his power and those unwanted and foreign feelings. But, neverthless, he still feels it. Every victim, every child, every woman, every man.

So now, feeling this man's emotions, this black man's emotions, it gives him a whiplash. The start of the crumbling of his world and his ideals. Because, oh no, he has feelings? This means he has a soul. Oh no. What?

But, Jasper is in denial still. The hatred goes too deep, its roots firmly attached to his being. His ideals. Wrong and right.

So, Maria recruits this man. And, lo and behold, demands Jasper trains him.

After, he finds out this ex-slave's name is Thomas.

At the start, they would have conflicts because well, Jasper is racist and therefore, not very nice. I don't think he would be outwardly ofensive, because Maria. So he says little phrases, remarks here and there, the tone of his voice, just slightly condescending, and the training, harder and crueler than any of the others.

Now that i think of it. Thomas would be only black person there. Poor Thomas.

And i didn't exactly thought this part out that much. Because im lazy, but, in this time, little by little they would "bond".

At first they would fight, Thomas would lash out and attack Jasper. Who quickly overpowers him, while feeling each emotion. Every little change in his demeanor. Because, Jasper's haterd is so focused on Thomas, that his entire attention is on the newborn. So, with each venoumus word and sneer, Jasper would feel Thomas' emotions change. The anger, the sadness, the fear, the hurt, the drive to survive.

And as times goes on, and his laser focus is on the boy, Jasper would be in synchrony with Thomas' emotions.

Jasper would be very much in conflict with himself about it. He doesn't say anything to Maria, knowing she'd be annoyed to be bothered about such things.

And then, without noticing, Jasper would get softer, gentler, still strict and firm, but now the cruelty behind it diminish little by little.

Until, Thomas breaks. He flees. Scared for his life, longing for some place he could be accepted. Free. To do what he wants, to have dignity, to have people beside him who do not see him as something less than. His people. He aches for something more.

So he runs away. He already did once. He surely could do it again.

Jasper, however, goes after him, with a few other vampires, all under Maria's order, to kill Thomas. Make him an example for others. They split to cover more ground.

Jasper finds him. They fight, and while this time is a bit harder to do it, Jasper still wins. Again.

And Thomas breaks down crying. Knowing his ends is nearing. Asking for mercy, saying how unfair all of it was. A slave his entire life, to be manipulated into another prison. He just wants his family, he wants freedom, he wants to live. He is not ready to die yet. Fuck! This is all so fucking unfair! How is this fair? That Jasper the killer, the monster, the one who torture and kill people in his damn cult gets to have a life. But he, who has done nothing wrong besides aparently being born black, is the one who never got a chance to live on his own. For himself.

Now, you may ask, What the fuck is Jasper doing while this whole monologue is happening? Well, he is freaking out.

:)

Not only because of Thomas' words, but also because of his feelings. Jasper feels the heartbreaking melancholy, the fury, the despair and hopelessness. He can feel it all, amped up, cause he, in some sort of fucked up way, feels a conection to Thomas. Jasper goes to his knees. In complete defeat and misery. And with a startle, he realizes, as he looks as the young adult, crying, sobbing in the snow, he doesn't want to kill Thomas.

He never wants to kill the people Maria tells him to. But he does anyways, for her. Now, however, it comes crashing down on him, how he DOESN'T want to kill Thomas. And how Jasper feels for him. Jasper now regards Thomas as person, like himself. And takes a decision.

"Run" Jasper sobs, on his knees, tears streaming down his face. Trying his best to just pull himself together. "I'll lie and say i killed you. Now run."

Thomas doesn't need more than that. He takes off. And Jasper stays and just watch, his vision blurry, as the man he spared runs to hopefully his freedom.

Now. Don't be mistaken. Jasper isn't fixed yet. Ideas like racism, homophobia or shit that has been drilled into your mind since birth, don't go away that easily. But now Jasper actively fights against this notion that was put into his head.

Also, this would be the point in which Jasper would spur into consciousness and realize Maria doesn't care about him. He doesn't leave imediatly, but soon enough, he does.

And in his journey, Jasper meets a lot of different people. Of different ethnicities, and values, and ideals. He learns.

And in learning, he meets other people of color, some free and happy, some bound by chains and suffering, to those he lends a helping hand to break those shackles.

I dont know if this is said in the movies, but Jasper, only later, will learn how to change people's emotions. Him trying to lull his victims into peacefulness as they die. Trying to confort them or himself, he doesn't know.

And then, he meets his ray of sunchine wife, Alice.

I don't think i want to change anything about their relationship. I just think it would take time for Jasper to open up to Alice, because trauma. But, with time and Alice relentless determination and cuteness, she brings his walls down.

And as he is trying to learn to feed from animal and not humans (which by the way, is an oportunity he jumps at. Eager to not feel his victims emotions. Although, can Jasper feel animal's emotions? It doesnt matter, here he can't), Jasper would little by little tell her about his past. First the not so bad things, to the bad, and then the horrible and unforgiving things.

She forgives him.

And, at some point, i dont know how or when, but he breaks down. And starts crying and freaking out. And Alice conforts him.

And what gets him is, Alice doesn't think Jasper is an annoyance. She is happy he lets her confort him. And then he can't help but remember Maria, and how she would confort him, oh so gently, while feeling annoyed, frustated, sometimes downright disgusted. He never thought she didn't love him, but he knew he was a bother like this, weak and fragile, vulnerable, so he understood why she felt those emotions. Now though, all of Alice feelings are bright, worried sure, but... he couldn't put into words, she had something. So strong and reliable. Warm, and non-judgmental. Patient and kind.

She cares. She truly cares for him.

And that just makes him cry harder. Not once she felt like he was a bother. Not once she let go of him.

Then, in twilight, telling Bella about his past, he says battle scars, but not with a fucking grin on his fucking face. No. He looks remorseful. Guilt clear on his face.

He tell about his past, about the confederate army with sadness, anger. But not so much because i don't think he'd be that emotional with Bella and also because, Alice, and time, helped him to come to terms with his wrongdoings.

And tells about Maria bla bla bla. And then, Alice comes to recue cause hubby is sad.

Ah! I love them so much, your honor!

And, to end, later, way later, after Bella becomes a vampire, he comes across Thomas. In a coven, content.

And fuck, Jasper feels so happy for him.

Their reecounter is not something extremely emotional. Because, well, while both played important parts on each other's life, they never were friends or something.

So, their talk is simple enough. Thomas thanks him for sparing his life. Jasper asks for forgiveness.

I am not sure if they would become friends now. I mean, maybe, like Jasper is a changed person and they had a history, sure a bad one, but still maybe they could understand each better than other people.

But then again, Jasper pretty much tortured and abused Thomas. So, even though Jasper saved his life later on and Thomas himself isn't hung up on it (or he is???), but Thomas might not want to have any relationship with Jasper. Because, while he can see Jasper changed, he can't bear to share space with him for too long. Its completely fine to not want any contact with Jasper, the blond would certainly be mindful of his choice, and would respect it.

But maybe, someone from Thomas' coven could have been helped by Jasper.

I don't know. I think it would be too forceful. Thomas is happy like that.

Though, it could be done, i could see many ways they could end up friends and leave their history behind. I guess i just don't want to. Jasper did what he did. And while he regrets it now, he still did it.

So, yeah. I dont them to be friends.

Jasper deals with the consequences of his mistakes. But he takes it. Alice being always at his side no matter what, brightening his days, and his entire being.

Jasper wasn't a good man, he regrets far more than any would bother to count, but he does.

But, Alice is there to always remind him, that he might've not been a good man, but now he is.

And that is how you do it.

Thank you very much for reading this. It ended up being way longer than i intended, but i just got carried away.

Anyways, that's it. I don't know if there will be a part 3. I could talk about Rosalie and Emmet or Carlisle and Esme. But i don't know yet.

Guys, don't forget, this is only for fun. It's okay if you don't agree with me.

If you want to say your piece about it, remember to always be nice!

Take care! Bye, guys!

[sasheneskywalker]

am i the only person who has never struggled with their queer identity?

i was thinking about it recently and i don't remember ever being ashamed, scared, angry or sad about being bisexual, nonbinary, grayaromantic, grayasexual and polyamorous. (yes, i use that many labels. it makes sense in my head.) i had unrestricted access to the interent from a pretty young age (11) and i discovered what a sexual orientation was after entering more english/american spaces and reading fanfiction when i was around 13 years old. i've just read the definitions and went, "yeah, i'm bisexual. why would anyone limit themselves to loving only one gender?" and that was it. my only frame of reference about queer people was fanfics and cool people i've seen online. my parents never talked about lgbtq+ issues (neither in a positive nor in negative light) and i didn't know anyone who was queer in real life, so you could say i was a blank slate when it came to any preconceived notions or biases (of course we live in cisheteronormative society which probably influenced my views on a subconscious level but i'm just taking about being consciously aware about something here.)

it was similar with realizing i was nonbinary, grayaromantic, grayasexual and polyamorous. i've read the definitions, comments made by people identifying that way, some research papers and books and came to the conclusion that these labels fit me. no angst anywhere.

i came out to my family pretty much immediately when my brother asked me if i was interested in any boys in middle school and i replied with full indignation that if he had to ask about it, he should also ask about any girls i might be interested in. my mother was there too. i don't think any of them took me seriously considering my age (i was 14) and the fact that i had to have many more conversations with my mother about being bisexual (and later nonbinary, grayaromantic, grayasexual and polyamorous) before she believed me in some way and even now she still thinks it's just a "phase" and that i'm "confused" or "just looking for attention" and that my girlfriends are only my good friends (but she still supports my relationship and tries very hard not to be outright homophobic/transphobic). my brother realized like 6 years later and asked me if i really was queer and seemed surprised when i told him i was. i still don't know what my father thinks. i told him i had a boyfriend when i was 15 and i told him i had two girlfriends when i was 20 and his reaction was exactly the same: nodding his head and saying "okay". he sometimes uses slurs but also supported me during a project i was doing on being nonbinary and bought me a book written by a trans scholar on christmas.

and i've never done any official coming outs either. in most friend groups, it comes out naturally that i'm queer when we're getting to know each other and it has never been a problem. i've never been met with a negative reaction. (it's worth noting that most of my irl friends are from middle class families, live in big cities and went to very good schools).

and it's not that i'm not aware about queerphobia existing in our society. i read books written by queer people and i read histories of lgbtq+ communities (and it's often pretty bleak). our country is one of the most homophobic countries in europe. the previous government of our country said that "lgbt ideology" and "gender ideology" are a threat to our nation and should be eliminated. i had close queer friends whom i supported when their families and friends didn't accept them. but it all feels one step removed from me.

i can walk alone at 3am around my city (the capital of poland) as a female presenting person with a rainbow handbag and flag pins in a party outfit and nobody ever bothers me. i went to a pride parade this year and there weren't any counter protests, the police were chill and nothing horrible happened. and despite talking with people who used some passive aggressive remarks and weren't completely accepting, i've basically never experienced violent or threatening queerphobia in my life.

i guess it's just interesting to me how much my experiences differ from common queer narratives i observe in media and in real life around me and how my upbringing shaped who i am today.