#sometimes i feel like i sugarcoat him a little bit

[merrimentsmight]

Saw the ask for Cicero-themed prompts.

Wondering if you'd be interested in writing a Cicero x Listener, with a Cicero who hates the Listener but is to loyal to the Tenets to admit that to himself?

“Come here, my Cicero, my dear,” they say. They order. So condescending. My dear. My my mine my mine. Of course, though, it is true. He is theirs. He has made monuments of that truth in actions, in fluids, the shapes he writes, his own blood on their thighs. The way he kills on their order, sleeps on their order, breathes on their order. It is their prerogative. And in the same fashion they, who outstrips him in everything, who sups at the Night Mother’s dry husk of a breast, who could have killed him once and should have taken the chance when they had it, do not belong to Cicero. They belong to no one. Are accountable to no one. Least of all the poor Keeper. 

Sometimes he worries that the Dread Lord will become tired of it and strike them down. Other days he simply prays that their Father will see his loyalty and spare him that repercussion. Other days still he knows that he has fallen prey, and lost himself, and deserves everything coming to them and more. And then on each of those days he comes to his senses, and prays to be released from his own heretical thoughts. He reminds himself that he loves the Listener. He reminds himself so often. 

He rises from where he had knelt at their feet, follows their gestures, sits in their lap. They smell good; clean and like wind and autumn fruit. They kiss him and they taste of full, sweet wine, and they grip his side, and he moans. He could reach out now and strangle them. He could bash their skull against the stone wall until it busted open, their brain red and wet and soft like jam. He could sink inside of them and claw his way out; rip them open from the depths. He could he could he could he could. He could not! He would never. Mother chose them. After all. Out of all, out of anyone, Mother chose them. And they chose him. And that was. That was an honor. 

Is he lying? Is he lying to the Listener? To Mother? Oh no no. Oh no. Oh never. He would never. But when they run their hand through his hair he knows he's a pet. Feels what he has been reduced to. Knows that every moment he falls into it, enjoys it, the praise and attention, is a little lie he's telling to himself. He tries to fall into it anyway, enjoy it anyway. If this is what Sithis laid out for him he has no recourse but to obey. But each day the ties that bind him to the stone altar of devotion abrade against its unpolished edges. They grow thinner. They will snap. 

And what will loyal Cicero be then?

[diagonal-queen]

Omg you're backkkk<3 I hope uni's going well for you!

Maybe the Hunting Dogs with a s/o who's kind of mean/petty?

Hunting Dogs with a mean S/O

♡ pairing: Fukuchi Ouchi, Jouno Saigiku, Tecchou Suehiro, Teruko Okura (platonic), Tachihara Michizou x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: How are the Hunting Dogs with a mean and petty S/O?

♡ cw: Swearing, u r a BULLY >:((, dw it's pretty chill though, non-graphic NSFW with Jouno, teensy bit of NSFW with Tachihara, mentions of violence, crime and torture

note: ahhh hello yes i'm back! uni's pretty great actually. i love being able to tell people i go to law school lmao, it makes me feel smarter than i am. uhh but i've been swamped and a bit busy, and i'm going back home for a week so i might not be super active over the next couple weeks, i'm so sorry my babies </3 but i'll still be lurking in case you wanna chat! as always, apologies for errors and i hope you enjoy x

Fukuchi:

Mf you think he cares?? He hired Jouno and Tachihara because they committed crimes, and he's more than happy to keep Teruko around. Bro doesn't give a FUCK that you're mean

If you're dating Fukuchi you clearly do give a shit about the welfare of society and world peace, so your individual quirks are just that. Quirks

He will fully let you just be a dickhead sometimes, because...like, why not?

I feel like Fukuchi is obviously often a very intimidating individual who strikes fear and commands respect from everyone else. But you? You just walk all over him

In some ways for him it's probably kind of refreshing to have someone around him who doesn't idolise him at all, or look up to him as a superior. It gets exhausting, for sure. Sometimes he just wants to be humbled and that's so okay Fukuchi, you deserve it actually /mean-spirited and condescending

Don't get me wrong it's not like you're an abusive partner! You're still obviously nice to your partner and you love him, but you definitely don't go out of your way to sugarcoat things or try to avoid any necessary confrontations

And Fukuchi genuinely really respects that about you. He's pretty similar like that, though still definitely goofier than you

I mean he won't want you sitting around with an RBF when he's at formal events and whatnot, because that really wouldn't have the best impression, but he's usually very gung ho about letting you be yourself

You're lucky he loves you man...lmao

Jouno:

He loves it. Full stop.

You two are just sadist central over here. Like he'll be torturing a suspect and you're just watching. Bored. Not a care in the world

(Jouno, I don't think you're legally allowed to invite your partner to watch you do your job- much less one like this, but...eh...)

You two are always just talking shit about people to each other, and like when you're out in public on dates you're just whispering to each other and judging people T-T

Lowkey kinda gets turned on when you guys argue. He thinks it's hot when you get heated and angry. Usually it ends in rough "passionate hugging", and the pillowtalk is when you both actually resolve the issue (dumbasses)

He might even purposefully rile you up sometimes because mf is just THAT much of a horny degenerate. You guys can call him classy and gentlemanly all you want, but we all know he's secretly deranged

Like an angry, horny goblin with a knife...someone stop him

Tbh you should probably bully him a little bit every now and then. I think he needs to be taken down a peg sometimes

Hey, he's more likely to listen to you than Tecchou, isn't he? Besides, it's nothing genuinely malicious. Just couple's banter

Oh, you guys are fucking LEGENDS at the couple's banter. Though you never do it in public, because a lot of the times the things you both tell each other as jokes can come off as really cruel jabs

Nah your senses of humour are just not family-friendly (violent and malicious)

You guys have very strange ways of showing your love and affection. But, hey, it works for you and that's what's important :)

Tecchou:

Ah yes, arguably the least meanie of all of the Hunting Dogs. Yeah uh he doesn't really like you at first

Tecchou doesn't understand being mean just for the sake of it. I mean like, for Teruko, she uses it in her career, and Jouno is sadistic and weird and also uses it in his career. You're just petty because you can be

But the more time you spend together the more he realises that you're really not that bad- you're really just more of the loveable asshole type

An acquired taste, yes, but this is Tecchou we're talking about! That's his thing!

He learns to appreciate the things about you that many others would probably consider flaws. He influences you for the better definitely...

...BUT you also kinda make him worse

He will adopt your 'deal with it bitch' attitude sometimes, but it doesn't hinder his relationships or work so it's fiiiiine

(Jouno isn't a huge fan of it though...but at the same time he kind of respects you)

Tecchou probably won't admit it but he really likes to listen to you rant and bitch about people you don't like. He just likes to listen to you be angry about trivial things, he finds it equal parts endearing and entertaining

If you're mean to someone who deserves it? Well I mean...who is he to stop you?

At the end of the day you're definitely emotionally self-sufficient, so that's one less part of you for him to fret over. All's well that ends well or some shit idk

Teruko (platonic):

You guys are literally the best of friends

She's the loud fiery kind of mean and you are the 'I will straight up meticulously ruin your life' kind of mean

You on some r/nuclearrevenge type shit and she fucking loves that for you

Like she's fully willing to plot and scheme with you and do whatever mean shit you suggest. You two are menaces and she should absolutely not be a military soldier

Teruko WILL smite your enemies. And by smite your enemies I mean she will actively do what she can to ruin the lives of people you don't like, with absolutely no remorse (pretty sure she actually commits crimes to do this)

She LIVES for your cruel one-liners and clever insults. Every time she hears one she absolutely hollers

Teruko enjoys it when you're mean to the other Hunting Dogs (except Fukuchi). They can handle a couple bitchy words so it's not a huge deal, but she's just extra amused by it

For the record you're not *mean* mean, you're just...humbling them (which let's be real they could use from time to time (Jouno, again, looking at you))

Nobody is surprised by your guys' friendship really

You're a dangerous pair. Please stop

Teruko kinda likes that you hold grudges so frequently because she'll never tire of hearing you shittalk the same exact people and events over and over again

She'll shittalk them too

Dia doesn't approve of this friendship

Tachihara:

You guys know that scene in B99 where Jake says that he can't decide if he's scared of Amy or turned on by her and then decides that he's both? Yea, that's Tachihara with you

He is a good person at heart, and outside of his mafia gangster persona he's really not that mean, and as such he does not encourage mean behaviour. But like, when you do it? Mm...

Bro is WHIPPED

Lowkey he probably gets some of his mafia persona ideas from you 💀

His mafia coworkers have no questions about how you two get along, and they generally like you. The other Hunting Dogs have a few more questions

Tachihara isn't some shy, quiet introvert, but he is generally pretty chill and a nice person. They like to playfully tease him about how different the two of you are (though if it gets too far he knows he can count on you to rip them a new one with no issue)

Dw they still like you though! Especially Teruko

He has absolutely no problems with you for being cold and blunt. It's nothing he himself can't handle, and in some ways it actually makes talking to you easier

Again, I'll stress that you're not mean to him, you're just not the most lovey-dovey person out there. But you DO put effort in and that's what Tachihara cares about, even if it isn't in a stereotypical way

If anything else, you're certainly loyal!

Tachihara loves you for all of your different eccentricities, and he's also kinda turned on by them. Win-win? Win-win.

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen

[forgeofthenine]

Would love some Zevlor tail hcs like you did for Dammon? Maybe some nsfw? 👉👈

I am happy to provide! Here we have a small selection of both SFW and NSFW Zevlor headcanons, hope you enjoy!

TW: very light impact play, very light bondage (with a tail?)

Zevlor tail headcanons

SFW

So, I feel like Zevlor would be a bit shy with his affections at first

He's an older gentleman and he can't quite understand what you see in him

What's the best way to show him how attractive he is to you? Showering him and his infernal traits with affection is certainly a good way to start

Stroking over Zevlors tail absentmindedly when it's nearby, telling him how cute it looks when his tail gives away his mood, ask him if he could wrap it around you in some way, little things

Zevlors tail is surprisingly expressive too. It hangs and drags when he's in private and exhausted, it lashes behind him when he's agitated, and it lifts as the rest of him perks up every time he sees you enter the room

After a while I can see him starting to wrap his tail around your ankle when he's standing next to you. It's a subtle reminder that you're there, choosing to be beside him despite everything

Over time Zevlor gets more and more comfortable with you touching it, even seeking out your affection on his own

Trail your fingertips over his tail, so lightly that you can hardly feel the way he shivers under your touch, and Zevlor will realise just how in deep he is

NSFW

I won't sugarcoat it, it's going to take some coaxing from you for him to bring any sort of tail play into bed

Zevlor can be a bit of a traditionalist and he's honestly still a bit scared of it being too much for you

If you let him know how attractive you find the idea though, he'll be willing to experiment a little bit

One way I think he'd introduce it is by wrapping his tail over your shoulders when you go down on him. Zevlors hand in your hair, the firm weight of his tail over your shoulders encouraging you to go down further, and the praises leaving his parted lips between pleased sighs

He'd be okay with a bit of holding you in place using his tail too. Tail wrapped down the whole length of your leg, warm and sturdy as it pulls your legs apart and holds them exactly where Zevlor wants them

He really can't get enough of the way you look all spread out like that

Finally, and I realise this is a little out there but after reading it somewhere else it's stuck with me, sometimes there's some accidental impact play using his tail

When Zevlors agitated, tail lashing behind him, a firm palm in the middle of your back pressing you into the bed and then suddenly... You feel a light sting on your thigh

He pauses when he realises what happened, tail freezing immediately, and he leans in close to ask if you're okay. The question of "Do you want to stop?" Is already on his lips and if you want to give him a heart attack, then ask him to do it again

Zevlor will try it for you, with just a little bit of hesitation, and he'd be pleasantly surprised to find out just how much fun the two of you can have using his tail

[justali-anne]

Okay, it's time for more Skelebros. This time, scenarios where they would cover for each other in social situations!

So, Papyrus has this tendency to rattle off about how great and cool he is, and as much as we love the guy, it would definitely get a bit annoying and makes him come across as egotistical and self-absorbed (which he kind of is? Papyrus is a pretty unique take on the "small name, big ego" type of character). And on top of that, he has a hard time navigating through certain social situations (he struggles with making friends, he relies on a dating manual on the date etc.). So sometimes Sans would step in a bit and give Papyrus some advice that Papyrus would reluctantly accept because, well, that's his brother, why shouldn't he trust him? And then Sans talks to others about Papyrus, almost like he's hyping him up in a way. Sans is genuinely very proud of his brother for who he is, so perhaps he could be pushing Papyrus to be more open and honest with his opinions instead of keeping everything hidden behind his overly exaggerated confidence and theatrics.

Sans, on the other hand... While he's definitely more experienced with casual social situations, there are times where he can come across as a bit odd, strange and EXTREMELY blunt. He doesn't hesitate to call people out on their BS, especially the player. It's a good thing considering the context of your actions, but that "you'd be dead where you stand" comment was FAR out of left field, especially in a Pacifist Run! Like, jeez dude! Where did that even come from?! I don't even think he knows how brutal he can come across as, or perhaps he has a little bit of self-awareness, but not enough to catch himself before he starts making those comments. As sweet as he is, Sans could definitely hurt someone's feelings. Papyrus, on the other hand, has some people-pleasing tendencies (this can mostly be seen during his phone calls with Undyne - changing his opinion on things like anime and grease to appeal to her), so I think Papyrus is actually more likely to sugarcoat things, while Sans just comes in with brutal honesty that cuts deeper than a knife. So when they're together in a social situation, this could potentially happen:

Sans: *insert brutally honest and potentially hurtful comment here*

Papyrus: *smacks Sans upside the head*

Sans: what did i say?

Papyrus: *sugarcoats and waves off Sans' comment*

Ugh, this post is a mess. I'll fix it later.

[juniefruit]

-[ gamer bf felix ]-

if only all gamer boyfriends acted like Felix, I think the world would be a better place.

Word count: 702

Felix loves video games. For every game he plays, there is a reason. You love listening to his rambling about a game’s graphics or storyline. You’ll be cuddled up in bed, under a thick fluffy blanket, as he explains the plot twists in the game he’s currently playing, or how many annoying side-quests he has to complete. You count his freckles with gentle pokes of your finger as he smiles in bliss. He adores you just for listening to him. You’re his main audience, and he wouldn’t trade you for the world. On the other hand, you could listen to Felix endlessly. His voice is like dripping honey, deep and soothing with his signature Australian accent. Just by being near him, you’ve started adopting some of his accent into your speech. He noticed it one day while you were asking him what he wanted to eat for dinner. 

He has experience on almost every console, but he maily uses his PC. If you two don’t have any plans, he’s logging on to play with his mates. Hyunjin and Jeongin join him the most frequently. Sometimes you’ll even join, but Felix does warn you that you will get teased. It’s nothing actually offensive, because they knew that Felix would send them to their grave if they hurt you. Felix loves that you two have so much in common when it comes to video games. Like, if you two play together, it’s a fair match. He doesn’t have to go easy on you or sugarcoat anything, which he appreciates. He can be his true self without worrying about being judged. 

You guys go to every comic or video game convention in your city!! If you cosplay, Felix would definitely help you buy the materials you need, and then help you make it. Felix loves it when you take the extra time to make him a cotume too, so you can go as a duo. If your costume has heels, then he definitely carries a backpack with some comfortable sneakers for you to change into once it gets too much!! However, he does get jealous if your costume is a bit revealing. The guys that blatantly stare at women in cosplay tick him off. He would never control what you choose to wear, but expect a clingy and needy Felix once you get back home. You reward him with cuddles and kisses for being such a good boyfriend during the con. 

He’s totally committed to helping you achieve the perfect photoshoot in your cosplay. He’ll climb a tree, lay on the floor, you name it, he’ll do it.  

Once a week or so, you all have a friend group hangout and hold a mario kart tournament at your apartment. You and Felix make the required pre-game grocery store run. You get a little bit of everything: candy, chips, sodas, the usual. There’s something domestic about going grocery shopping together: taking turns moving the cart, checking items off your list, etc. During the tournament, you’re just as committed as the rest of the guys. It makes Felix feel so proud seeing how well you get along with his friends. Afterwards, you two work together to clean up as fast as possible before putting on some comfortable pajamas and passing out on the bed. 

You guys bake!! All the time!! One day, you trudged through the apartment door after a draining day of work, only to immediately be hit with the delightful smell of Felix’s brownies. In an instant, your smile grew as you caught sight of him in the kitchen with an apron on, specks of flour replacing the freckles on his face. The troubles you carried home from work melted away with a sweet kiss and a freshly baked brownie. 

One Christmas,  you got him gaming headphones with cat ears on them. He was a bit taken aback at first, but now he wears them all the time. They’re actually quite good, He’d say. That’s why I bought them! You exclaimed from the doorway, hands at your hips. You knew he’d like them, even if he didn’t want to admit it. He just “had” to wear them because they were good. This man… You thought.

[sovereignjojoz]

hi! i really enjoyed your headcanons about the Bucci gang and reader with a scary but nice Stand. would it be okay if i request that same thing for Josuke, Okuyasu, Rohan, and Jotaro? :D

Scary but sweet stand: part 4 edition.

Pairings: Josuke x reader, Okuyasu x reader, Rohan x reader + Jotaro x reader

Notes - I’m so sorry this request took so long anon! I’ve had writers block for a while. Hope you like it🤍

Higashikata Josuke

He jumped back and covered his eyes, your stand literally looked like something out of his nightmares.

Unfiltered, he blurted out, “the heck is that thing!”

If you become saddened by his reaction, he immediately changes his tune and puts on a lopsided grin (as best he can), he doesn’t wanna make his s/o sad.

But even so for the first few times he meets your stand he’s going to keep his distance until he gets over his wariness.

But believe you me once he’s over it there’s no separating him and your stand, like when it hovers over him he’ll become a chatterbox even though the stand can’t verbally response.

“I know! But then you won’t believe what Okuyasu did next, the idiot-”

He might punch someone if they insult your stand.

And I can’t get it out of my head that crazy diamond would love to play fight with your stand all the time.

And chase your stand around too.

Definitely has tried to play fight your stand.

Honestly your stand definitely squished cd’s cheeks in a scolding manner at some point, it’s just obsessed.

Oh, and if it wasn’t obvious before if you ever get injured the first one by your side is cd, ready to heal you.

Nijimura Okuyasu

Initial reaction: run.

He doesn’t mean to! It’s just he’s never seen a stand of the sought and he didn’t know to react so his first reaction was flight.

He definitely ran straight to Josuke’s house and Josuke gave him a look like: wtf is up with you.

After he apologises and depending on how mad you are he might take you to Tonio’s as an apology.

But when he finally warms up to your stand, he really warms up to your stand.

Like almost to the level that they’re inseparable.

He’ll use the hand to erase the distance between you guys if he thinks your too far away.

And he likes to try and scare your stand too to see the reaction it will bring out.

Probably tries to prank it too like by throwing water on it only to get scared after it reacts.

Tried to hug it a ton.

Honestly just a new bestie for him.

Kishibe Rohan

When he first met your stand, he couldn’t really hide his emotions very well.

His throat constricted and he let out a strangled gasp, just taking a long look between you and it.

He really didn’t understand, you were muse like material so what was that! Why did you manifest such a stand.

He doesn’t really sugarcoat so he might be a bit blunt!

He loves you, but not your stand (at first) so when it tries to come into contact with him he’ll dodge.

After a while though he see’s it’s not that bad and best believe if his actions are making you sad he’ll stop his diva-ish act.

He’ll pat it’s head and stuff and say thank you for all the additional acts it does.

I feel like an activity he’d like to do with your stand is clean for some reason, he likes that it’s silent and gets the job done (better than you too, he might even tell ya that!)

He loves drawing you however every one word in a while he might draw your stand too, sometimes when he thinks fondly of it, or to get character inspo since it’s so unique looking.

other times he’ll just leave a drawing around the house of it and notices how your stand jumps for joy.

Overall he does quite like your stand, but he likes you more.

Jotaro Kujo

He grimaces. Hard.

But he tries to keep a straight face and a neutral reaction as best he can, he’s seen weird stands before but yours is something he never would have even thought of.

Star platinum on the other hand mirrors his true expression.

He’s gonna act like your stand doesn’t exist for a good while as a result until your stand starts doing nice little things for him like readjusting his hat.

He’ll still act unbothered however he might give a nod of appreciation.

However one day your stand wasn’t how wrong around him like usual and immediately he noticed something was off.

He supposed he had gotten rather used to your stand assisting him he hadn’t truly approached it’s value.

Definitely see’s that your stands value in battle which makes him come to like it a lot more.

So the next time your stand was there he pat it’s back in an effort to show his appreciation.

Honestly though your stand just looks to star platinum to see his feelings and is quite pleasantly surprised to see they’re mostly positive.

Oh! And your stand most definitely plays catch with star when there’s time.

And probably also plays with it’s hair.

[thatturtleleon]

TFP Autobots and how they comfort others

Optimus Prime:

I think he can have a very comforting vibe to him when he wants to, for a lot of the autobots he's considered an older brother figure, father figure, and overall a trusted adult figure to speak with

For younger people such as bumblebee, smokescreen and the kids, he gives soft smiles and reassurance if something is troubling them

Optimus isn't big on physical touch but he'll put a hand on one's shoulder as his main way of comforting them or calming them down

For a bit older characters, like arcee and bulkhead, he comforts them the same way but a bit more maturely if that makes sense? Like he won't sugarcoat anything around them, but he won't be harsh or anything

Ratchet is definitely someone Optimus feels like he can let his guard down around, so that means the same goes for ratchet

Optimus knows the old bot and how he sometimes feels he isnt enough, so optimus makes sure to reassure ratchet and remind him that he is an important part of the team, and family

Overall, his main way of comforting people is reassuring words and the 'hand on the shoulder' thing dads do lol

Arcee:

Arcee is a great listener, and lets people rant to her to get things off their chests

We see her comfort Miko when Bulkhead was injured; both of them sat up top while Arcee reminded Miko that closing yourself off from everyone wouldn't help the situation

Based off of this, I think that Arcee is also very good at giving advice when trying to comfort people

She'll listen, and then give her thoughts on the situation

She keeps it real too, doesn't matter if it's Miko, Bulkhead, Bee, etc., she won't sugarcoat things

When Raf got hurt, we see Arcee sternly exclaiming to Bee to keep his emotions in check

She's been through a LOT, so she understands being angry, scared, feeling helpless

But she uses those experiences to help others get through tough situations

Bumblebee:

I think Bumblebee's way of comforting people would be physical touch, since he's not able to express himself through words very well

This involves a pat on the back if one of his friends are feeling down or disappointed, a hug if it's a bit more serious, and just things like that

Spending time with them would be a big way of Bee trying to cheer someone up too

For example, if Raf had a bad day, Bumblebee would take him for a spin around Jasper (Also I believe it's canon that they go out and play with Raf's little racing car and that's just the cutest shit ever I love them sm)

He's picked up some traits from Optimus, so when Bee got his voice back he probably tried a more "Optimus" approach to comforting people, but overall he does his absolute best to cheer up and help whoever needs it

Bulkhead:

(ignore the pic being rly small lol)

I honestly don't see enough love for this big guy

I'd say he would be one of the most comforting people to be around

If it's someone he knows really well, so pretty much anyone in team prime, he's gonna do his absolute best to help them out with whatever's bothering them

He may not always have the right words though

So I think that, similar to Bumblebee, he'll stick mainly to physical touch, and Bulkhead would try to distract the person too

Like if Miko was upset about something, he would put on some music she really likes to get her mind off of it

However, people like Arcee probably wouldn't want a distraction, or just can't handle any distraction at the moment

That's when Bulkhead will listen and give any advice of his own, as well as hug whoever's feeling down (if they're ok with it)

Ratchet

He doesn't care. (he cares very much and wants to help)

Ratchet's just not the best at expressing it, he'll comfort others in subtle ways

If one of the humans were noticeably in a bad mood, Ratchet might start a conversation with them and slowly ease into the topic of whatever's upsetting them

He's definitely not big on physical touch, so I'd say his main way of comforting a person is talking it out and listening

He would offer solutions too

For the bots, I think it depends on the situation; if one of them were having some sort of flashback, or severely injured, Ratchet would immediately jump to comfort/help them

However if it's a more milder situation, he'll talk it out with them or just simply leave it to someone who's a bit better at this type of stuff

One of the ways we see him comfort someone in the show is the episode where something was up with Bumblebee, so Ratchet had to pick Raf up from school

We see him be pretty silent at the beginning but he eventually says, "Wanna ride with the sirens on?"

Even if he normally was against it, Ratchet's willing to break through his "I don't care" front he puts up, so he can help those he cares about most

[horseshoegirl]

Damn Those Dog Tags: Part 8 - Drift Away

📜... Okay, I get it. Almost kisses suck 😂 Hopefully, some Sadie / Jake time might make up for it in the meantime?

I promise you don't have to wait for it that much longer.

❗️18+, strong language, angst, godmother reader/original female character, original child character.

#6.4K words

Part 7 | Masterlist | Part 9

“I wish you would have told us, Liz,” Nat said, staring down at Tyler's letter in her hands.

The Daggers showing up at your house unannounced was a common thing before Sadie. Your place only being 5 minutes down the road from the Hard Deck made it the perfect crash pad when they would go a little harder than they should sometimes or if they just wanted a place to escape.

However, they rarely got a day off during the week. Even if they weren’t flying, they were usually doing something on base. So when Bradley, Nat and Jake showed up at your door while Sadie was at school, it was obvious it wasn't for a social visit.

Due to a faulty coms tower and gas leak in the hangers, they had a week off. And the first thing they wanted to do was corner you on your couch and talk about Tyler. Jake had told Rooster, so naturally, Rooster would have told Nat.

You rarely saw Jake in the weeks that had passed since New Year’s Eve. With the weather being what it was and their training schedules being a mess from the last mission, Saturday nights hadn’t resumed back to their normal status.

You didn't know where you stood with Jake after that Night. The line between friendship and something more was being distorted. The better part of you, the one who constantly had Ridley's voice in your ear, was telling you to buck up and ask him about it. The other part of you, the more reserved, saying not to because you were probably making a bigger deal about it than you should.

A kiss on New Year's Eve, even an almost kiss such as that one, could be shared between friends, right?

It was a miracle if you got to see any one of them for longer than five minutes unless Bradley was picking Sadie up from School. Such as life in the Navy, you thought. That part of their life came first.

Jake had kept the letter from you, which you were semi-grateful for. Your nerves had severely calmed down since not being able to pull that stupid thing out to look at it every time Tyler entered your mind. 

“Is it bad I don’t want Sadie to know?” you couldn't help but feel a little shameful for not telling her. But you knew your niece, she would be constantly worried about looking over her shoulder if she did know.

Jake was quick to answer you. “No. She doesn’t need any more on her plate.” 

Rooster stood off to the side, leaning against the wall while twirling his thumbs. “How much does she know about Tyler?” 

You bit your lip, looking up at Jake. He gave you a soft smile and an encouraging nod. Maybe it was time you told them the full story. 

“Enough to know he’s not a good person,” you offered. “When she was born, Ridley and I swore we wouldn’t sugarcoat things with her. And that she wouldn’t go through what we went through.” 

Nat placed a hand on your shoulder. “You’ve never really told us about it.” 

You shook your head. “It’s not something I like to talk about. It has nothing to do with you guys.” 

Bradley shook his head fondly. “That explains why she’s so well-rounded.” 

You chuckled softly at his words before starting to cite the story to Nat and Rooster, much like you did with Jake that day on the hike, telling them about you and Ridley's escape from your childhood home and the worst of Tyler.

You couldn't take your eyes off Jake as the details of your past spilled out of you. He offered you a comforting smile or encouraging words when you struggled, reminding you to breathe. And when you finally reached the part about Tyler, Rooster and Nat saw red.

Rooster pushed himself off the wall, ranking his fingers through his hair. “I swear to god, he’s dead if he shows his face around here.” 

“Get in line, Bradshaw." Jake's voice was firm. "I called first dibs.” 

“Nope, ladies first," Nat pipped up. “Nobody is going after my niece. I get the first punch.” 

You didn't know whether they were being serious or not, but their banter was doing wonders to lighten the mood. But then the shrill ringtone of your phone put a stop to their discussion of who would get to beat the shit out of Tyler first almost instantly.

There were times you never really answered the phone when the caller ID came up as unknown. But Sadie was at school, and you knew you couldn't let it go to voicemail for whatever reason. Even if seeing that 'Unknown' across the top of your phone triggered instant panic throughout your body - nothing good ever came from a phone call like this.

Bradley, Nat and Jake all remained silent as they watched you answer the phone.

“Hello?” you asked hesitantly. 

“Hello, is this Elizabeth Beck?” 

“Speaking?” 

“It’s Mrs. Kirkland from Child Protective Services. Are you able to come in on Wednesday at 3:30 for a quick chat?” 

You shouldn't have answered the phone. You were nervous as fuck.

“Um.. yes, I can.” 

“Great, it shouldn’t take any longer than 15 minutes of your time.” 

Your mind was on autopilot, your brain subconsciously offering the words before you could really formulate them. “Sure.” 

“Great, we will see you then! Have a good day!” 

“You too,” your voice quiet, though the click on the other end of the line told you the reply wasn’t needed. Dropping your phone into your lap, you hugged your chest.

“Liz?” Jake asked, sitting up in his chair and leaning forward. Nat turned to face you on the couch. “Is everything alright?” 

“Um... that was CPS. I need to go in again,” you sniffed, pushing a piece of hair behind your ear. “On Wednesday at 3:30.” 

“It’s probably the review,” Bradley pipped up. Jake glared at him, hoping he would take the hint and shut up. 

“Shit, I have work. I have to close that night,” you realized. "I need someone to pick up Sadie from school and drive her to Penny's. Amelia has her car that day."

You immediately faced Rooster, a hopeful look on your face. Bradley grimaced, shaking his head.  “I’m sorry, Liz. I’m going up with Mav to the research camp the day before to help with a test flight.” 

Your mind instantly went to Lyssa next, but she couldn't do it either. Will had a hockey game. And you knew Penny would instantly try to find a way to take your shift off your hands if she knew, but you didn't want to take advantage of her kindness. She already did enough for you.

Natasha was about to open her mouth when suddenly Jake pipped up next to you. “I can do it.”

You stared at him, shocked. "You wanna pick Sadie up from school? Are you sure?"

He nodded. "I don't mind. I'm not doing anything else, and I wouldn't mind spending some time with her."

Your face softened, but you cautiously eyed Rooster, preparing for a snide remark or another red-faced tomato moment in protest. Instead, you were surprised Bradley was looking at Jake almost appreciatively? Nat, however, was looking at Jake suspiciously.

"I'll call the school Wednesday then to let them know. And if you find Lyssa, Sadie will know where to go to find you," you told him.

Rooster walked over to Jake to stand in front of him, a funny look on his face. "And the one rule..."

“Don’t flirt with Courtney Slack," he was quick to reply. "I know."

It surprised you, Jake remembering such a small detail, even if you almost killed Rooster over it. However, you wouldn't blame Jake if he did. Jake was flirty by nature, and you were nothing like her.

“Besides, how hard could it be?” 

Rooster chuckled, dropping his head before slapping Jake on the back with a shit-eating grin. 

“Dude, you have no idea what you just agreed to.”

___

The morning of your visit with CPS, you made sure to call the school to let them know Jake would be picking Sadie up. Thankfully, when you explained the Tyler issue, they hadn’t swept up your concerns under the rug. Sadie’s file had the names of everyone who could call or pick her up, the list probably longer than most kids at that school, now even longer with the addition of Jake.

On the nights you would close the Hard Deck, Penny would have Sadie sleep over at hers. As much as you appreciated the support, you had a feeling it was more for Penny's benefit than yours. She adored Sadie, and you often wondered if she was missing when Amelia was her age.

So here you were, dropping off Sadie's bag before starting the painstaking journey to the CPS building.

“You know, I could have covered your shift,” Penny said as she took Sadie's overnight bag from you. You shook your head, crossing your arms as you leaned up against the side of her house. 

“You already take enough of my shifts. Besides, it wouldn’t have made a difference anyway. Somebody would still need to pick up Sadie.” 

Penny raised her eyebrow.

“So Hangman volunteered to pick her up?” she asked, copying you by resting up against her door frame. She was examining you, seeing if, at any point, you’d fess up to something shouldn’t have done. You very much felt like a child being called out by their mother, but you weren’t sure why. 

“Yeah, Sadie named him as an uncle, so he wanted to spend some time with her.” 

“Oh,” she said, shoving her hands into her pockets. “So his has nothing to do with what happened on New Year’s Eve?” 

You stiffened. Shit. 

You should have known Penny would have seen you, seen what had happened. Nothing happened in the Hard Deck that she didn’t know about. You had hardly accepted it had happened, and you certainly didn't want to be having this conversation with her.

“Penny..” you said meekly, staring at her wide-eyed.

“Do I need to throw him out of the bar?” 

“What?" you admonished. "No, absolutely not.” 

“And here I thought you wouldn't give into him!"

“Penny, stop. Jake’s not that bad.” 

"And now you're going to leave me!" she cried out. "You were my best, and he got to you!"

"Penny," you started to laugh. "I'm not leaving you. Nothing happened."

"Really?" she threw her hands up. "What do you call what happened that night then?!"

You crossed your arms, head turning to frown at her flower garden.

"I don't know," It came out sadder than you intended, your voice wavering as you tried to make sense of it all. "I told myself when I met him for the first time that I wouldn't get involved. Then Sadie.." you sniffed, wiping at your face.

"I think I like him," you admitted. "But I'm so fucking confused. And I don't want to disappoint you."

Penny suddenly looked sullen, realizing as you spoke to her that maybe she took this a little too far. She reached up and placed a hand on your shoulder before moving to your face.

"I'm sorry, Liz," she pressed the palm of her hand to your cheek. "I don't want you to feel as if you cannot come to me with these things."

You shuttered a breath, and Penny stroked a piece of your hair back behind your ear, reminding you of how you would do that with Sadie.

"It's just... you've never had a boyfriend," she chuckled softly. "I don't want you to get your heart broken."

Your laugh came out of nowhere. "I'm too much of a worry-wart to have a romantic relationship."

Penny smiled softly. "No, I think you care too much."

She pulled you into a hug, her head resting on your shoulder. "If Jake is serious about you, I won't stand in your way."

You shook your head, pulling back to smile at her. "Thanks, Penny, but I think he just wants to be my friend, which is totally fine. I just need to get over whatever this is."

Penny frowned at you but didn't press you further. She walked you to your car, hugging you goodbye and wishing you luck with the meeting. After you climbed into your car, she placed her elbows down on the open window of your car.

“Can I at least drag him for it?”

You thought about it for a second. You knew what she was doing. Starting your car, you put on your sunglasses and turned to face Penny, calling out your window, “Don’t leave him squirming for too long.”

___

Jake knew he was attractive. He often used it to his advantage to get what he wanted, enjoying the looks he'd get walking into a random place or when he was out on the street.

But the predatory glances he was receiving on a black top full of married middle-aged women?

It just freaked him out.

Maybe he would have thought differently once upon a time. But he also knew how catty women could be - if the way they were covering their mouths and leaving over to gossip to one another as he walked by meant anything. The minute Sadie found him, he knew your name would be whispered around like it was a dirty secret in some sorority magazine.

He found Lyssa where you said she'd be, leaning up against the wall near the basketball hoops. She waved him over, a smile on her face.

"Enjoying all the attention?" she said, greeting him.

"Have these women never seen a man before, or am I going to cause a riot?

"You're fine," she shrugged. "Just watch out for Ursula."

"Ursula?" Jake asked. Lyssa grinned, realizing he didn't know. "Will and Sadie call Courtney Slack Ursula ever since what happened with Rooster."

"Why do they call her Ursula?"

Lyssa only laughed, offering a vague, "You'll see."

Jake suddenly found himself not wanting to find out. Hoping Sadie would hurry up, he kept his eyes glued to the door, waiting for her to emerge. Sure enough, a bright green backpack caught his eye a few minutes later as one of Sadie’s teachers walked beside her. 

He spied her, turning around and searching the crowd until her eyes finally landed on him. 

“Uncle Jake!” It was a loud scream, Sadie’s joy infectious as she started to sprint from the front door and away from her teacher. Jake shot the person a wave, the teacher returning it before heading back inside. 

If Jake wasn’t as fit as he was, he was pretty sure Sadie would have knocked him over with how heavily she flung herself into him, arms and legs completely wrapping themselves around his body. It took him a second to recover, but he returned her hug, laughter shaking his body as he asked, “How was school, Bug?”

“Boring,” she called out dramatically, sliding down to the ground before glancing up at him hopefully. “Can we go for a drive?” 

“I have to get you to Penny’s.” 

“Text Aunt Liz. She won’t mind.”

Jake was about to open his mouth to reply before a shrill feminine voice caused him to stop.

“Well, Hello there. I thought I would come over and introduce myself.”

Oh no, Sadie thought upon hearing that voice— the Wicked Sea Witch. 

She turned on her heel, staring up at Rebecca’s mom. And she had her sights set on her Uncle Jake.

Nope, this would not happen. She had already ensnared one Uncle, and Uncle Jake wouldn’t fall under her spell if she had anything to do with it.

"I'm Courtney Slack. Which one of Sadie's uncles are you?" she attempted to flirt, sending Jake a doe-eyed look.

Eyeing Mrs. Slack carefully, Sadie went to stand in front of Jake, subconsciously puffing out her chest.

She felt her uncle Jake place a hand on her shoulder. Sadie tilted her head back to look up at him from upside down. He gave her a knowing look, raising his eyebrows at her.

Sadie prided herself on being able to read people's faces. And if she was reading this right, and she was always right, her Uncle Jake was telling her to play along. She was going to but couldn’t keep the chant from her head.

Please don’t be like Uncle Roo. Please don’t be like Uncle Roo.

She watched as her uncle Jake squared up the witch, a fake smile on his face as he said, "Oh, I'm Elizabeth's boyfriend."

Sadie tried as hard as she could not laugh, biting her lip hard to keep herself quiet.

Definitely not like Uncle Roo.

The flirty grin on Courtney's face dropped. "Oh, she never mentioned she was seeing anybody."

Reaching up to squeeze her uncle's hand on her shoulder, Sadie felt him squeeze it back.

“Didn’t know she had to,” he replied shortly, sending Courtney nothing but a scathing glare. “But now I can see why she didn’t.”

“I can’t imagine where she found you,” she tried again, another attempt at a seductive tone. “Elizabeth never seems to want to join our little meetings.”

"Not wherever you got your hair done, that's for sure."

Sadie caught herself in a sort, watching Courtney's face turn red. Sensing sea water was about to blow out of her nose, she wanted to get as far away from Rebecca's mom as she could.

“Come on, Uncle Jake,” she said, grabbing his hand and tugging it as she leaned back. The sooner they both got out of there, the sooner her uncle would be safe from the crazy sea witch. Whatever spell she had cast on her Uncle Roo hadn’t worked with Uncle Jake, and she didn’t want to see what else she had up her sleeve. 

“Duty calls!” he shrugged at her. “It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Flack… I mean Slack!”

Lyssa snickered as Jake and Sadie left, watching Jake peel Sadie’s backpack from her shoulders to sling around his. Looking at Courtney, she could see the gears turning in her head.

“Sorry, Slack. Looks like that one’s taken.” 

Courtney turned to face Lyssa, her face red. “Your seriously telling me Elizabeth Beck bagged him?”

"Bagged him, captivated him, charmed him, take your pick."

"But she's so.."

"What? Not like you?" Lyssa snarked. "Thank god for that."

Courtney spluttered, her words coming out in a jumbled mess of how dare Lyssa say such a thing about her and that anyone, let alone a naval officer, would be grateful to be with her.

Lyssa just shrugged, reaching out to take Will's hand before walking off. If anyone saw her throw her middle finger over her head, she'd never admit to it.

The second Jake and Sadie had made it to his truck, the both of them stared at each other. Sadie squinted her eyebrows, and Jake held his breath. It only took three seconds before the pair of them started to lose it, laughing over what had happened. Sadie’s high-pitched giggles mixed in with the occasional snort from Jake.

“Is she always that bad?” 

“Worse,” Sadie replied. “She usually seeks out Uncle Roo. He forgets I’m there for a second.”

That sobered Jake's laughter, a frown now etched across his face. “You don’t have to worry about that with me.” 

“No?” she asked him, her eyes wide and innocent. 

Jake shook his head. “We can look out for each other when I do. I need a wingman to deal with Ursula."

Sadie’s eyes lit up. She knew she wasn’t the only one who noticed it. “She’s totally a sea witch, right?!” 

"I think it's the hair. Maybe that's where she hides her tentacles."

Sadie squealed out in another fit of laughter. She knew her Uncle Jake wouldn't treat her like that. As her laughter died down, Sadie marched to the back passenger seat of Jake's truck, all the while saying, "Come on! We need to go for that drive."

Jake shook his head and came around to help her get up into the seat, carefully shutting the door behind her. But coming around to the back of his truck, he stopped realizing he needed to message you, knowing with everything going on, how important it was for you to know Sadie was with somebody safe as soon as possible.

Pulling out his phone, he sent you a text. 

I have her. She wants to go for a drive. 

You texted back within a few seconds. 

Good luck.

And then...

She wants to talk to you. 

Seeing your message, Jake suddenly understood what Bradley was talking about. It wasn’t Slack he should have worried about. 

“You coming?” Sadie called out impatiently through the open window at the back of the truck. She had stuff she needed to talk to her Uncle Jake about and couldn't do it here.

“Just sending a text to your aunt,” he called back before glancing at Sadie through the window, realizing Rooster was right. 

He really didn’t know what he was getting himself into. 

___

When Sadie asked to go on a drive, Jake didn’t really know where else to take her other than the lookout. It was a spot he found a few weeks after the uranium mission when he learned the team would be staying together. It was off on some random stretch of road that overlooked the ocean, the small parking lot randomly appearing after some twist in the road.

He'd come here when he needed an escape or to be alone. And if you were right, it would be the perfect place for Sadie to talk with him.

Jake backed his truck into a parking spot that overlooked the ocean. Helping Sadie out of the truck with a hand, he proceeded to flip the door on the back of his truck bed down. 

Sadie instantly caught on, trying to climb up but failing miserably to bring her body onto the door. She shamefully turned to Jake, a quiet peal for help on her face. Jake said nothing, pulling her up before sitting beside her, legs dangling over the side.

The two sat silently for a while, Jake listening to the waves crash up against the shore, waiting for Sadie to feel comfortable enough to say what she wanted to tell him.

It was a few minutes before he heard her ask, "Do you like my aunt?"

Jake watched Sadie play with the end of a piece of thread hanging off her jeans before answering, "Yes, what isn't there to like about your aunt?"

“No, but do you like, like her?”

Give it to Sadie, to be blunt. Jake carefully thought about what he could say back to her.

"You mean as in.." he trailed off, hoping it would prompt Sadie to speak further. But she didn't. Instead, she turned her head away so Jake couldn't see her face.

And then he knew.

"Is that why you sent me that photo of her?"

Sadie blushed, dropping her chin to her chest. "Please don't tell her I did that."

Jake tried to keep his voice level as he answered, "If you don't want me to."

“It's just..." she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. "She needs somebody in her life to remind her she’s worth it.” 

Jake nudged her. “Aren’t you that person?” 

Sadie pondered Jake's question, squinting her eyebrows together as if she had to really think about her answer.

"It's different with me," She shrugged. "She's my aunt. I can only do so much."

"So you think I'm that person?" he asked her.

Sadie raked her eyes up and down Jake's body. “You wouldn’t be the worst choice.”

"Thanks, Bug," he said sarcastically. But Sadie's next words were like a cold rush of water over his body when she finally spoke up after a few seconds.

"But you make her happy. And she hasn't really been happy since Mom passed away. She's never even had a boyfriend."

Despite Sadie's admission, he gave her a soft smile. "You know that's not true. She's happy when she's around you."

"Yeah," she looked down at her hands. "But she's scared she's going to do the wrong thing. I just wish she'd know it's okay for her to ... not be so strong around me. Maybe she would stop worrying about everything if she had someone who cares about her like that."

Jake wrapped an arm around Sadie's shoulders, bringing her tight to his side. "You know that's because she loves you. As well all do."

Sadie sagged most of her weight into Jake at his words. "Thank you, Uncle Jake."

"So," she said after a while, picking at the frayed fabric of her jeans. "If you did want to be that person, I'm okay with it."

Jake couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, Bug."

"Besides," She smiled to herself. " If you mess up, I'm coming for you."

As if he didn't already know that.

---

Penny was waiting for the pair of them on her front step when Jake pulled into her driveway. He called after her to be careful when she jumped out of the truck before he had even stopped, Sadie sprinting to jump into her Aunt's arms. Jake shook his head, reaching over the seat to grab her backpack before getting out and walking up to her front step.

“What do we say to Uncle Jake, Bug?” 

Sadie peeled herself out of Penny's arms, stepping down the few steps to give him a hug. She dramatically said in a sing-song voice, “Thank you, Uncle Jake.” 

Leaning over, Jake returned her hug. But Sadie went up on her tiptoes, pulling Jake down and whispering, “Think about what I said.”

She happily hopped back to Penny, wrapping an arm around her waist. She ruffled Sadie’s head before asking, “Why don’t you head on inside? Fresh cookies are on the table, and your aunt dropped off your bag earlier.” 

Sadie frowned. Adults had funny ways of getting rid of her. And her Aunt Penny knew chocolate was one of her weaknesses. Still, she needed to know why she needed to shove out.

"I need to have a talk with your Uncle," Penny offered when she didn't move.

“Talk or have a discussion?” she pressed. 

Penny shook her head, placing a hand on her back and lightly pushed her towards the door, where she stumbled into the hallway. “Get in there, you insect.” 

“It’s Bug!” she shouted, already dead set on finding those cookies. Whatever her Aunt Penny had to say to Uncle Jake, she made her point earlier. There was chocolate up for grabs.

Jake faced Penny with a smirk on his face, thinking she wanted to ask about Sadie.

“So, New Year's Eve,” she started, a healthy pause before she spoke again. “Do I need to ban you permanently from the Bar?”

The smirk dropped.

"Penny..."

“I told you!” She shoved her finger into his chest angrily. “She was off limits! Not her, Hangman!”

Jake held his hands up. "Nothing happened!"

"Really? So what was that kiss? Cause I see everything in my bar."

"It wasn't really a kiss?" he recalled, shrugging his shoulders. Penny reached up and smacked him on the back of his head. Jake winced, a hand coming to rub at the spot.

"What are you doing with her, Jake?" Penny sighed. "She's not some girl you can mess around with for a night and go on as if nothing happened."

"You don't think I know that?" he snapped. Penny was slightly taken aback by his words.

"Liz is..." he started, pausing to understand exactly what he was feeling. He raked his fingers through his hair, turning in a circle before facing Penny once more. "She's never once treated me as if I was undeserving of something. That I didn't have to earn a place in her life. Or Sadie's."

He was breathing hard. Harsh pants that racked his chest as if he had pulled harsh G's in an F-18.

"And she's not afraid to put me in my place if I'm out of line. She doesn't expect anything from me either. She simply just wants time."

Feeling overwhelmed, Jake took a moment to take a deep breath. He knew he was rambling to Penny, but he was past the point of stopping. "And I don't know if I can give it to her."

There were a few moments on that last deployment where he thought he wasn't going to make it back. And the time away changed his priorities. Somehow, you and Sadie became the reason he stopped thinking about the inevitable moment he would burn in and, instead, the reason why he needed to stay alive.

Jake flew like he had nothing to lose. But now? He had everything to lose.

"She's... she's a possibility of someday," he breathed out. "And if I cannot be in her life, in Sadie's life, I don't know what I'll do."

Penny took a moment to take in Jake's words before replying, "You care about her, don't you? The both of them."

Jake gawked up at Penny as if she had just dealt him a fatal blow, as if he didn't just spit his heart out to her. He knew she wasn't really asking. Rather, she was confirming what he could never voice out loud.

So he found himself absentmindedly nodding along to Penny's statement. "The both of them."

"Are you serious about this, Jake?" It was rare for Penny to call him by anything other than his call sign. “Cause I’ll tell you, Liz has never had a boyfriend in the time that I've known her. And I've known her while.”

"I know. I think I just got some ten-year-old version of a shovel talk from Sadie."

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Sadie gave you a shovel talk?"

"Of a sort."

Penny glanced back at the house with a smile before taking a look at Jake one last time before making her way up to her front door. Taking it as a sign that Penny wouldn't ban or rat him out any longer, he returned to his truck.

Though he wouldn't be surprised if she did ban him, or worse, set Mav on him for good measure during a dog fight.

Jake gripped the handle of his truck, about to step up onto the ledge after opening the door, when he heard Penny’s voice call after him. He turned around to see her grinning at him from her doorway. 

“She’s closing by herself tonight," a knowing smile across her face.  "Could you make sure she get’s home alright?”

___

Closing the Hard Deck late at night used to freak you out.

The hours after midnight, when it was just the wind, the waves, and the night sky, only added to your fear something was lurking outside or in the water. It was much like a kid's reaction when waking up in the middle of the night, the dark shapes of objects in the room making it feel like somebody, or something, was with them in their room watching. 

That was until you realized you could play the Jukebox as loud as you wanted.

You had locked the front door to the Hard Deck a little over a half hour ago. It had been such a quiet night you found yourself doing the random odd tasks that never seemed to get done. Deep cleaning the sinks, cleaning out the fridges, and making new labels for the working stations around the bar. 

That also included the now regretful decision of mopping the floors, considering you would now get out of here much later than you intended. But you weren't as upset with yourself as you should have been.

Music always had a way of calming you down. It was a habit you always seemed to have growing up. If you hurt yourself or you were upset, you'd retreat to a world full of beats and lyrics. Though, looking back on photos of yourself as a child, chunky earphones almost always on your head, you started to get it. It was evident Ridley was, in a way, protecting you from the worst of your father.

Which was how you found yourself swaying back and forth, eyes closed as you brought the mop across the floor, moving along and getting lost in the music. The Hard Deck was your safe haven, and moments like this allowed you to forget everything else going on in your life.

Anticipating a swell in the music, you smiled to yourself, your eyes still closed as you spun on your heel. But something pulled the mop from your hand, and a shrill gasp escaped your lips when your back hit a firm chest, a hand now gripping your wrist softly.

“You really need to lock that back door.” 

Jake spun you out under his arm, pulling you back to him so he could see your face. You shuttered out a laugh. 

“Jesus, Jake. Don’t do that!”

He chuckled under his breath. "Hi, darlin'."

"Sadie made it out okay?" you asked as he placed a hand on your waist. He pulled you to the side, his hand sliding up to thread his fingers through yours, as he replied, "Safe and sound at Penny's."

You follow your arm to observe Jake's hand in yours, then peering up at him curiously, "What are you doing?"

"Slow dancing."

"No, what are you doing here?" you tired again. "It's past midnight."

"Penny said you were going to be by yourself. I wanted to make sure you made it out okay."

"I've closed by myself before, Jake."

For a split second, you thought he was fixated on your lips. But you didn't have a chance to confirm it as Jake spun you once again.

"That was before I came along." He said, pulling you back to him. "My ma would kill me if she knew I left you alone."

"Jake, I'm perfectly capable of ..." you didn't get to finish your sentence. Jake spun you once again before dipping you backwards rather dramatically. Giggling as he brought you up, his arms wrapped themselves around your waist, pulling you into his chest.

Taking the moment to ground yourself, you slid your hands around his back, your hands resting between his shoulder blades. Feeling dizzy, you pressed the side of your cheek into Jake's chest, letting him gently sway you back and forth as the song played from the Jukebox.

You were sure minutes could have passed, but it was only mere seconds. You felt safe in Jake's arms, content to let him hold you, to press you into his body. He was fitting so perfectly into the moment you had created for yourself where the world outside didn't exist, and it was just the two of you here, listening to music.

But the lines for you were still blurred, and the urge to ask him about New Year's Eve was still there. You felt it on the tip of your tongue, ready to come forth and burst this little bubble of joy you were taking for yourself.

“The results of the review came in,” you said instead, chickening out at the last second. Jake stopped swaying the both of you, his hands on your hip tightening as he leaned back to focus on your face. 

“And?” 

You remain silent. 

“Liz?” he questioned you, eyes becoming slightly frantic. You dropped your chin to your chest, hands slightly gripping Jake’s bicep and shoulder tighter.

“Elizabeth, what happened?!”

You lifted your head, a wide grin spreading across your face. “There was nothing wrong. At least with the paperwork. It’s ironclad.” 

He blinked. “Sadie’s staying?” 

“Well, till she’s 18 or goes off to school or breaks my heart when she gets together with Will,” you shrugged. 

Jake surged forward, his arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you up. He buried his face in your stomach, muffled shouts of ‘yes!’ making you laugh harder. Your nose grazed his hair, smelling his Moroccan shampoo as you tried to avoid hitting the ceiling. 

"Jake! Put me down!" you laughed as he twirled you around in a circle.

"Hey," he said, setting you down. "Our girl deserves the best. Somebody needs to give him the shovel talk.”  

Our girl. 

You smiled softly at his protectiveness for Sadie. “He’s eleven, Jake.” 

“Then he’ll think twice before making a move on her.�� 

"She's going to be dating eventually."

"Hey, I'm taking my newly appointed Uncle duties very seriously."

You pressed your forehead into his chest, soft chuckles shaking your body. Jake placed a hand on the back of your neck, the other resuming its place on your waist, as he resumed swaying you back and forth along the Hard Deck Floor.

Even with all the shit that happened - with everything you figured was still yet to happen - being here with Jake felt like nothing else mattered. The discussion about whatever happened on New Year’s Eve could wait. You didn’t want to risk ruining this bubble over both of you.

And even if you never brought it up, that would be okay too. What you had here with Jake, swaying in the middle of the night at the Hard Deck, was enough. 

Jake was your friend who helped you through a stressful time.

It had to be enough. 

He waited until you finished closing up to leave with you, watching you from a bar stool with a happy smile. After you shut off the lights, Jake followed you to the front door, stepping out first to look into the parking lot before holding it open. 

You spied his truck and another car you weren’t familiar with but weren’t surprised. Surfers often stayed on the beach, in all seasons or weather, to catch those first morning waves. Penny not having an overnight parking rule made the Hard Deck a prim parking spot.

Though it was a bit early for the surfers to start pulling their parking lot sleepovers. 

Locking the door, you felt Jake’s hand on your lower back. “Can I walk you to your car?” 

You met his eyes. “I walked here.” 

A pause.  “Can I drive you home?” 

“It’s five minutes, Jake.” 

“It’s on my way,” he replied, holding out his hand for you. 

You made a show about answering him. But honestly, you really didn’t need to think about it. 

“Alright,” you said, placing your hand into his. “I’ll let you drive me home.”

Any more time you could spend with him was just a bonus.

You guys might not have to wait long for the next part 👀 With the threat of pitchforks still looming, I might have written part nine before part eight.

Tags:

@blue-aconite @tinytotontheoversizedpony @djs8891 @caitsymichelle13 @startrekfangirl2233

@mayhemmanaged @ereardon @dempy @shanimallina87 @teacupsandtopgun @daggerspare-standingby

@phantomxoxo @formulapierre @eli2447 @fulla02 @blckgrl-sunflower @mizzzpink @ohgodnotagainn

@bubblegumbeautyqueen @sarahsmi13s @desert-fern @lynnestra44 @memoriesat30 @penwieldingdreamer @mxlanciia

@bradleybeachbabe @bobby-r2d2-floyd @lavenderbradshaw @roosters-girl @lovinglyeternal

Part 9: Hang On, Hang On is dropping soon.

(Maybe in a day or two, I still need to edit 😂)

Wickett ;)

[navnae]

Eddie sat on one of the benches that was near the wall at the skating rink and watched the group have a good time. He felt like such an outcast by not being able to enjoy himself even though they’ve been nothing but nice to him and they never excluded him out of anything. Eddie kept pushing his own self away to avoid getting to comfortable, there was a lot of things that they didn’t know about him. One of those things would probably turn them away and highlight the fact that he’s more of an outcast than he already thought he was, that wasn’t a risk that he was quite ready to take yet. Eddie’s thoughts had consumed him for awhile before he could notice someone walking towards him, a pair of shoes came into his vision making him look up at the person. Luckily for him it was just a familiar face and not someone from school that had a bone to pick with him. Steve stood in front of him with a hand in his pocket then the other combing through his hair as he looked at Eddie with a smile on his face. Eddie just watched in awe like he was watching a movie on the big screen, he’d never imagine a moment where Steve would be so comfortable to be around and even go out of his way to spend time with him. It made him feel things that he couldn’t explain… well he could but he’d rather keep that to himself for obvious reasons.

“Why the long face?” Steve asked as he took a seat beside Eddie on the bench. He didn’t even flinch when his knee touched Eddie’s while Eddie was freaking out on the inside just by a simple knee rub. Steve kept his eyes on Eddie while waiting for some kind of response that he couldn’t conjure up fast enough without sounding stupid.

“Just thinking, I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong in this group and I’m just waiting for the moment for everyone to realize it.” Eddie admitted. He kept his eyes on his lap while he fiddled with the rings on his fingers. Steve took a deep breath as he processed Eddie’s words then he started to laugh lightly. Eddie looked at him with a confused expression because he didn’t know what was funny.

“Believe it or not I actually get what you mean.” Steve laughed even louder when he saw Eddie’s face. The idea of Steve feeling like he didn’t belong made Eddie think he was in an alternate universe or something.

“You? Steve Harrington think that you don’t belong? Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it. Everyone fucking loves you dude no matter how you want to sugarcoat it. You fit wherever the wind takes you and it’s honestly like a gift when you really think about it. I’m kind of envious if that wasn’t obvious enough.” Eddie said a little too much than what he intended to but he didn’t feel like he was wrong. Steve had the world in his hands everywhere he went and obviously that was something Eddie was jealous of. The way he maneuvered through life so easily just made all the pieces of him being perfect fall right into place, like it always has.

Eddie didn’t realize how heavy the silence was between them until he looked over at Steve and his smile had faded completely. Maybe Eddie was being a little too blunt for his own good, when an apology was on the tip of his tongue Steve spoke up.

“I think you got me all wrong Munson,” Steve said in between a chuckle. “It may look like I fit everywhere I go because at a young I was taught to adapt to any environment but that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle too. Imagine being surrounded by geniuses 24/7 and god forbid you ask a question or you’ll get ridiculed the whole day.”

“You go through that?” Eddie asked softly. Steve nodded his as he looked at the group skate and they were all laughing like a big happy family. Eddie could see a little bit of sadness come over Steve, it was sad that no one knew that he felt this way especially when he had a friend group like this.

“Yeah, sometimes it can be overwhelming at times but I just take it and move on. Is it the healthiest thing to do? Not exactly, I’m still trying to hang in there though.” Steve turned his attention away from the group then looked at Eddie with a smile. God was really trying to kill him with making Steve look this good and being this open with him, whatever feelings he had for the other man definitely wasn’t going away any time soon.

“I guess it was easier for me to paint you as this guy who doesn’t feel things and you’re perfectly fine with it. That was a shitty assumption, guess we really don’t know each other that well.” Eddie joked. Both of them started laughing and it felt like the world lit up around them. Eddie didn’t feel like he was a weight on the group anymore. Steve bit his lip when he turned towards the skating rink then back to Eddie.

“How about we change that?” Steve said before standing up. Eddie looked up at him with furrowed brows.

“What?” Eddie didn’t know what had gotten into Steve but now he was a lot more smiley than before.

“Let’s get to know each other, the first thing we can do is skate together. There’s no harm in that.” Steve suggested. Immediately Eddie started shaking his head.

“No no no. Me and skates don’t go together at all. If i go out there and skate everyone’s day will be ruined.” Eddie tried protesting but he couldn’t do much of it since Steve grabbed him by his wrist and pulled him onto his feet.

“Come on, if anything happens I’ll be right there.” Steve reassured Eddie that everything was going to be okay and surprisingly Eddie genuinely felt like Steve was helping him feel comfortable despite what he said earlier.

Steve and Eddie approached the counter and asked for skates in their size. They walked back over to the bench that they sat on prior to put on their skates. In the process of that the kids were yelling at them and telling them to hurry up, neither of them realized that they spent so much time talking instead of doing the actual activity that was required. After they laughed at the kids they went ahead and put on their skates. Steve slipped into his easily while Eddie struggled to get his foot in, before he could even consider giving up Steve took the skate out of his hand then patted his leg.

“Put your foot up. I know how to make these slid on easier.” Steve said it so casually that Eddie just knew he was fucking with him because he couldn’t be serious about this.

“Have you lost your mind?” Eddie earned a laugh out of Steve but he was actually being serious.

“Munson, I’m just trying to make the process go smoothly that’s all.” Steve shrugged as he waved the skate around playfully. Eddie rolled his eyes thinking that the universe was playing out his fantasies and he didn’t like it in the slightest. At first he was hesitant then he finally lifted his foot and placed it gently on Steve’s thigh. Steve smiled widely as he took Eddie’s foot and slid it on swiftly, he even tied it for him in a cute little bunny style. He asked for the other foot then repeated the same routine. Eddie blushed throughout the entire process and tried to hide it with his hand covering the side of his face but he knows Steve noticed. The skates were snug on Eddie’s feet after Steve put them in and now they were ready to skate.

“Thanks.” Eddie said softly. Steve nodded his head with a smile on his face before standing up, he didn’t lose balance even when he was standing in roller skates.

“You’re welcome. Let’s start skating shall we?” Steve held out his hand for Eddie to take, of course it was innocent but Eddie refused to blush anymore than he already was. He pushed Steve’s hand away and attempted to stand up until his skates started rolling uncontrollably. Eddie was so close to falling on the floor then a strong hand held him upright by his waist. Steve slowly made it to where Eddie could stand on his own, They locked eyes for a second before Eddie looked away.

“I got it.” Eddie breathed, his heart was beating like crazy in his chest and it wasn’t because of the possibility of falling on his ass. Steve raised both of his hands and took a step back so Eddie could make his way to the rink.

The process of getting off the floor to the rink was the slowest thing that any human being could ever witness. The kids helped him into the floor but completely abandoned them when their job was done. Robin, Nancy, Jonathan, and Argyle helped balance each other as they skated. Eddie huffed at the sight of everyone having someone to lean on while he took his time to actually start moving. The moment he lifted his foot to push himself forward Eddie instantly started stumbling backwards, he braced himself for the impact of the ground but he was met with the feeling of a body and arms wrapping around his waist basically catching him. The chuckle near his ear confirmed who the person was, Steve held him close.

“I got you.” Steve whispered in Eddie’s ear lowly. Eddie felt like his entire world was spiraling out of control. If he died this would be a good way to go in his book, his stomach was filled with butterflies and he couldn’t control the way his body was heating up.

“Fuck.” Eddie mumbled feeling his cheeks getting hot. Maybe he imagined it but he could’ve sworn that Steve smirked in the middle of their whole interaction before they started skating for real this time.

[critter-genfic-events]

Caduceus Clay: A Critical Role Gen-fic Rec List

Well hello friends! Please enjoy these ten amazing fics that are all about our favorite Grave Cleric Firbolg! Oh, and don't forget to show the authors some love if you liked their work!

we ain't got much (but we've got history) by Chrome (3705,Mature) Warnings: Unhappy ending, Major character death Pairings: Caduceus Clay & Cree

In the aftermath of the fight with Lucien, Caduceus struggles to find the peace he expected in his homecoming. Obviously, there's something left to be done.

Reccer says: It's a wonderful internal Caduceus voice and the way it doesn't sugarcoat Cree is amazing.

All These Ghosts I've Grown With by A_Orbit (1702,General) Warnings: none Pairings: Caduceus Clay & Clay Family

Cad is struggling to return to his old life with his family. A late night argument leads to some catharsis

Reccer says: I like how it gives space for Cad to have feelings about reintegrating with his family and process them, at least a little bit.

Wild's Grandeur by Operafloozy (3741,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Caduceus Clay & the Clay Family

Caduceus has changed since his family last left. It's sometimes hard for everyone to adjust to things being like they were before

Reccer says: I always love when an Author gives Caduceus room to hurt

sediment, sentiments by justlikeswitchblades (1385,General) Warnings: none Pairings: Caduceus Clay & Fjord

Fjord visits Caduceus in the Blooming Grove. They dig a grave and catch up

Reccer says: The Caduceus voice is spare and lyrical, and there's a wonderful sense of comfort and understanding between Fjord and Caduceus.

Too much. Maybe. by bogfable (5081,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Caduceus & The Mighty Nein

The Nein go to a festival and Caduceus gets overwhelmed. But thankfully his friends are there to help him

Reccer says: I love how sensory overload is expressed in this, and the hurt/comfort is delightful!

a little breeze tossing a leaf in a circle by fadewords (19453,General) Warnings: depiction of sensory overload (can be overwhelming if you have hyperempathy about it) Pairings: None

A fic centred on Caduceus spending his time alone while the Nein are in Zadash for two weeks. Centred mostly on Caduceus's faith and him being neurodivergent and dealing with a city for the first time.

Reccer says: Fave autism/adhd rep I've ever read. Nice train-of-thought writing style.

dragonfly year by bogfable (51839,Teen) Warnings: depictions of hallucinations and delusions, drug use, mental health issues Pairings: Caduceus clay & The Mighty Nein

University AU fic about Caduceus and loneliness and meeting the Nein, which helps a lot.

Reccer says: Nothing

both sacred and dust by SongOfWizardry (5237,Teen) Warnings: none Pairings: Caduceus Clay & The Mighty Nein

Caduceus takes some time to process his years away from his family through discussions with the rest of the Nein.

Reccer says: All of the voices are pitch-perfect, and allows the nein to be supportive of Caduceus in their own way. I especially love the Yasha and Fjord sections.

the holding on, the letting go by in_june (2782,Teen) Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Pairings: Caduceus Clay & The Mighty Nein

Four times Caduceus braided someone's hair (or had his hair braided), and one time he braids his own.

Reccer says: Nothing

the shape of home by marginaliana (1804,General) Warnings: none Pairings: Caduceus Clay & Caleb Widogast, Caduceus Clay & the Clay family

Caduceus has gotten used to feeling too big, out on the road – but now he's home, in this cottage built for a big family of big people, and so it must be something else he feels too big for. Caleb helps him understand.

Reccer says: Nothing

If you liked this rec list, follow along for more! We'll be posting a new list with a new theme each Monday. And if you would like to make a rec yourself, feel free to reach out to @professor-rye to request access to the submission form! Next week, we'll be presenting gen fics all about First Aid! Give us that tasty hurt/comfort!

[ribesrubrum]

under the mask of pride (fear rises as a guide)

//so i feel...honestly, a little guilty for how little i've been around as of late, especially since things are picking up drama-wise. irl debuffs aplenty will do that to you. but i wanted to get some writing out to kind of describe Carmine's mental state, so. here we are.

//fair warning: this fic is technically kind of offscreen rp in that it's at least canon that ren and carmine talked like this, though i'd greatly prefer it not be spread as a rumor or leak or something. but it also does talk about some heavy topics; namely very heavy self loathing, some mention of parental abandonment and abuse (heehoo headcanoning carmine's parents/why she's like this), mentions of bullying, self harm in the form of hair pulling/trichotillomania, and uh. ...look i'm not gonna beat around the bush, i don't wanna edgelord, i wanna treat this with respect but i also don't wanna sugarcoat it, this gets about as close to implying carmine was about to take drastic measures to alleviate her suffering as i'm comfortable with getting. the less implicit version of this warning will be in the tags. please uncollapse the tags before reading. dead dove: do not eat is in full effect here.

//this is going to be pretty heavy, and also stupid long. feel free to click if you're okay with handling that.

Carmine's listlessness has only grown as the days have worn on, she's finding. It doesn't help that her knuckles are still raw from punching her wall a day prior--she's thankful it seems like the wall fix went off without a hitch, and all she got was a rather stern talking to about making noise so late at night before the teacher that spoke with her went off. Cardigan's been sticking close to her side since Leavanny elected to stay near Kieran at least for a time, but even now, she feels pathetic for it.

Pathetic that she can't help her brother. Pathetic that she can't help her girlfriend, who simply wants to make sure that the whole club that they built together and maintained isn't destroyed because of Drayton's boneheaded move. If Carmine looked deep within herself, she'd be looking at Kiki's actions too, that he allowed this, that he's possibly setting himself up to lose everything. That Drayton's encouraging it, and she's been more on edge than ever and ready to tear someone apart for it. If she doesn't wind up punching him out when all is said and done, she's going to be very surprised.

Cardigan trills a bit from beside her, and she looks down to the flower-less Lilligant, pausing a bit as she looks down. She recognizes that trill, and knows that she's probably being concerning right now. Emotional regulation is still something that Carmine struggles with, even now, knowing that she can't and she shouldn't scream her feelings out to try and get people to understand, that yelling doesn't help, that you have to see other's perspectives. Even if sometimes, they trounce all over your own. Carmine looks down to Cardigan, giving the Lilligant a tired smile.

"...Sorry, Cardi. I know I'm probably not making your job very easy." It's soft in a way Carmine never usually is. In a way that Carmine never allows herself to be--she's all bravado and arrogance because for years, that's what kept her safe. That's what kept her and her brother safe, even if it clipped his wings and made everyone around her hesitant to approach either of them. It was safety, the thorns and briars that she metaphorically planted around herself, letting them spread where she walked and lashing them out at anyone who would even for a second think of hurting her. It was safety, it was lonely, but it was home.

...It's no wonder she likes grass types so much. The Lilligant's gaze only seems to get sadder when she says that much, gentle, leafy hands going to take one of her own as Cardigan stares up at her, as if trying to communicate something with those amber eyes that almost seem pleading. Carmine's hand trembles a bit, because once again she doesn't understand, she can't understand, why can't she--

Carmine hears footsteps, and immediately, her guard is up. She's immediately ready to go on the attack, in case anyone saw her, in case she has to defend being out for a walk in the Canyon Biome with her therapy Pokemon, something she's already received plenty of jabs about--but no. There's a familiar mop of blue hair, and that silly, dorky looking Orthworm is following them and waving with them, as Terry and Mio seem to take over where they left off. Ren's an idiot, in the bluntest of terms, but there's a sense of safety that comes with them. That they can see her, at her worst and most cruel, and laugh and let it slide off their back so easily. Because they were her age once. Her gender once, even, though that's largely irrelevant. They always seem so certain and keep their spirits so high, even if she's the only one they've trusted with some of their worries. And Carmine in turn, has trusted Ren with some of hers.

...They're about as disconnected from this entire situation as they can be, even though they met during that trip. It's as Carmine is contemplating going up to them and being a bother and just turning heel and walking away that the choice is made for her, as they turn around, start walking and see her--

"Oh! Miss Carmine, hey!"

She could walk away. She could just tell them to piss off and lash out, and destroy one of the few unconnected relationships she has with this entire mess, one of the few things that's genuinely hers. She could recede inside herself, lock herself away like she did after she reached her breaking point, when she nearly...

"Hey, Ren. Finally getting your nose out of those cameras?"

The barb is light, half-hearted at best, and could probably make someone deeply passionate a little upset at being teased. And yet Ren takes it in stride, laughing easily as they walk up, Lulu going to Cardigan and just kind of talking with the Lilligant for a moment. "You know it, girlie! Arc, all of these worms are doin' so well, they ain't overwhelmin' the environment nor gettin' overwhelmed themselves--everything's so perfect right now, it's really amazing! Ohh, I gotta tell you about some of the babies, they're just--"

For a brief moment, Carmine thinks she can just get away with Ren going on a hyperfixation ramble and forgetting her own worries in favor of focusing on the things her rival has accomplished. Because it is quite the accomplishment, even if Carmine's definitely harped on them for trying to downplay it before. But their gaze goes to Cardigan and Lulu, falling quickly and their words fading off as Carmine looks, and now everyone looks concerned.

Carmine's posture tightens as she realizes she can't get away with this so easily. She feels their gaze dart back to her, and she's already sure her expression is stormy, and...

"...I think that's enough about me." Fuck. Their voice has softened considerably, and she knows she's done for. "Miss Carmine, are you--"

"I'm fine, Ren." It comes out too sharp, too defensive, and there's a brief moment where she's hoping Ren will just walk away at that. She's shaking, she knows she is, and her gaze averts a bit only to feel not just Cardigan, but Lulu--that stupid, brainless worm--take her hands, wrapping them both in leaves and tendrils, and it feels disgusting and bitter and she wants to run and hide, she wants to tear her hands away--

"...Miss Carmine." Ren's voice sounds so soft, so...sad for a moment, and there's a pause as more footsteps can be heard--Carmine doesn't even bother to flinch, but she feels a tug on both of her hands as she opens her eyes, seeing Ren nod at both Pokemon before looking to her with a smile that's both soft and sad.

"Come on, Miss Carmine. Let's go somewhere else to talk, okay?"

---------------------------------------------

The trip back to her room is arduous, even though it barely takes more than fifteen minutes. Every agonizing second feels like a walk of shame, but she realizes something along the way. It's only so long because Ren knows their way around here like the back of their hand now; they know where people aren't, because they aren't some social butterfly who likes to help in every club. They take her through an easy but arduous path that leaves her alone in her head, and it takes a couple of second after Ren's stopped for her to stop too.

"...You must have a lot on yer mind to be makin' mistakes like this, Miss Carmine." Ren's voice is soft, non-judgemental, and they don't even flinch when she turns back to face them with something of a severe expression. It's the kind of care and kindness she doesn't deserve, she's sure, but as she unlocks the door to her room and ushers Ren and their Pokemon inside, it's something she finds herself internally thankful for.

Carmine's room is a mess, perhaps moreso than usual. Stress eating will do that, bags of chips and other sweet and savory alike strewn about. Cardigan doesn't even seem surprised, but Lulu, bless his stupid little soul, seems taken aback by it as he draws himself inside. She hears Ren's footsteps as they close the door behind them, a small sound escaping them as they walk in front of Carmine.

"You want some help cleanin' off that bed of yours?" Carmine looks over at her messy, disheveled bed, and it's many snacks and wrappers as well. It's an absolute Tepigsty, more than she'd ever allow anyone to see. She feels herself listlessly nod her head as she looks over to Ren, who's concern hasn't dampened even an inch as they move to help in an instant. She's thankful she's got a vacuum and that it's early enough in the afternoon that nobody's likely around the dorms; Cardigan and Lulu both assist as well as they help clear it off, at least enough to let Carmine sit down on it once they're all done.

Cardigan hops on the bed with Carmine as she sits down, and Lulu rests his head near Ren's feet as he gets himself comfortable on the floor, and Ren looks to her, finally broaching the topic, "Ya look like you got a lot on yer mind, Miss Carmine. You sure everything's okay?"

It takes Carmine a lot longer than she'd like to respond. Cardigan gently takes hold of one of Carmine's hands, gently petting it with her own leafy appendage. The eventual response she settles on is a bitter laugh.

"...I don't know." It comes out so soft and uncertain, it feels like she's a different person entirely when she says it. "I thought everything was fine. I thought...I don't know, I thought that everything would be okay. I really let myself believe that now that I made up with my brother, that everything would go back to some sort of normal, but..."

Carmine's voice pitches higher and higher with every word, and she finds herself shaking a bit. She can't even look at her rival right now, how pathetic can she even get?

"Oh, Carmine..." There's not even that weirdly respectful 'Miss' at the beginning of her name, and a part of her hates that, that she's being seen as sympathetic for even a moment when she doesn't deserve it, she doesn't deserve this, if she'd just trusted Kiki-- "Nothin' is ever that easy, but I remember how relieved ya were when Kiki actually bothered to respond."

"Yeah." Carmine confirms that much, listlessly, but a ghost of a smile traces her face. "...It really filled me with hope, for a second. That maybe things could go back to some sort of normal, that I could really see Kiki for all he is. It wanted to be seen and come into it's own, and I...I didn't know how to do that, but..."

"...But you wanted to try." Ren's words softly intervene. Carmine nods shortly after.

"I wanted to try. I still do. But it's...that big fight happened, and now everything's just...it feels like we're right back where we started."

Carmine's voice breaks a little bit, and try as she might to rein it in, it's harder to get back on track. At this point, she feels, she might as well just give up.

"...I don't know what to do."

Carmine's gaze stays down, because she can't look at Ren, she can't, she just can't. But Ren's words; soft, steady words, a contrast to the cold steel they loved so dearly, pour out none the less.

"...It's a tough position to be in, Carmine. Ya got your brother and it's undyin' need to win on one side, and ya got Miss Amarys tryin' her damnedest to hold everyone together on the other, yeah?"

"Yeah. And it's like--I don't want to destroy the relationship I have with my brother. I want to rebuild it, to let it come into it's own. But I...my beloved is right, even if I worry about saying it. She tries so hard to uphold the rules of the club, of this school, and these--these jerks keep sending her horrible, disgusting things for it. And for what?"

A quiet settles over the room, and she's sure Ren expects her to elaborate, but she doesn't. Not even she knows what, and she's sure Ren gets it by the time they speak up next.

"...I ain't gonna go makin' any assumptions, but...I don't even think I know the answer to that, Carmine."

It's soft, when Ren admits it. Sad, even. She can only imagine what their face is doing right now, and it gets Carmine to laugh a bit. Bitterly, wretchedly.

"Neither do--neither do I, Ren. And do you know how much that kills me?"

Carmine's voice pitch rises, and she feels her free hand drawing into her hair, Cardigan's trills of concern becoming more apparent as she tries to hop over and dislodge it--

"I love Kiki! I love Amarys! I love them both more than life itself and I--if I say anything at all, I'm going to hurt one of them. Both of them, even, maybe, whether I intend it or not! And the little Mandibuzzes on here, flying around and trying to hurt everyone in this school, they'll be on it in an instant, they'll--they'll hurt them both, they'll turn them both against each other, and I--if I do anything, they already know it's my fault from the start, that all of this is, that I was stupid and boneheaded and lied to my brother because I was scared it could've gotten hurt--"

"Miss Carmine."

"--and I told Juliana to lie, yes, I got so worried that Kiki would just get so excited and that Ogerpon could've hurt or done something worse to it, but then my grandfather told me to keep my mouth shut about helping Ogerpon and I--I didn't--"

"Miss Carmine."

"--And then it--it stole her mask, and I've never been more angry in my life at it, and it just--it keeps stomping on others feelings, and it won't believe anyone, and I don't know what I can actually do--"

"Miss Carmine, please--!"

"WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

Carmine's shriek practically causes her to lunge at her friend, the firm tone in that moment making her see someone else. Wide yellow eyes fiercely stare at bright blue ones, as Ren startles a bit at the ferocity in her tone. The quiet over the room is tense and uneasy, and Ren already sees a few strands got torn out because of it. They take a gentle breath in as realization hits Carmine, but she's still for a moment. Still as Cardigan trills with concern, as Lulu looks up with even more concern on his dopey little face, though he looks ready to hold Carmine back more than anything.

Ren's surprisingly quick on the uptake, at least, and they speak up again before Carmine can.

"Isn't that somethin' you should be askin' of yourself?"

Ren's words are confusing, and the confusion must be apparent on her face as they reach her ears. Ren gently breathes, and continues, "I mean it. You've been talkin' this entire time about Kiki this, Amarys that, and I ain't gonna disparage you for that. Sure puts any rumors of ya bein' self centered to bed, not that I believed 'em anyway. But..."

"What is it that ya want, at the end of it all? Isn't that a question that's come up even once for ya...?"

Carmine can't even believe what she's hearing.

"Why does that matter? I've taken what I wanted for years, I--"

"Okay, you hold on a second here." Ren's words are still soft, but there's a firmness to them now that cuts through her words like butter. "When did that stop bein' a question you asked yerself?"

"It doesn't matter--"

"It absolutely does matter? Girl, yer gettin' tugged in two different directions and ya sound like yer long past the end of yer rope."

"Why does it matter when I've been nothing but a selfish bitch this entire time?!"

And that startles Ren enough to actually get them to stop for a second, completely taken aback. Carmine's gaze goes downward, and she's shaking, horribly.

"Those anons were right, okay?! I ruined Kiki's one good friendship because I'm a bonehead, I'm a failure of a girlfriend who can't even help the girl I love so much with her anger and problems other than just being there like a useless cardboard cutout, I deserve this, all of it, even all of the hateful words and it would've just been so much easier if I had--"

Something stops Carmine in her tracks from speaking. Multiple of them, really. Cardigan's hands, for starters, wrapped firmly around one of her own hands; two of Lulu's tendrils wrap around the other, and even Carmine has to admit that she's surprised by how little an Orthworm's head seems to weigh as he rests his head on one of her legs with concern.

The final thing, that she didn't even hear, is Ren getting up and putting a firm, supportive hand on her shoulder, tiny as said hand is. When she actually gets a look at their face, they look like they're about to cry, and for a brief moment she wonders if she's just gone and ruined another friendship.

"Don't--don't you dare talk about yerself like that again, you hear me?"

Oh. That's not what she expected at all; Ren's voice practically trembles as they say that, and it hits something in her. Carmine's eyes well up with tears of her own, and she can practically hear herself sniffling.

"...I'm sorry, Ren." Her voice is so soft, so delicate, so fragile in the moment that she wonders if it's her own. "I'm...I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm..."

"I know you are." Ren's voice softens from that point on, and their grip becomes a little easier. A little more slack, but still there. "When did ya stop seein' yerself as someone not worth considerin' the feelin's of, girl...?"

"...I don't know. It was...before that. Maybe when Amarys and Kiki fought that one time. I--I don't know." Carmine's voice is shaky as she struggles to keep herself together, and she feels Cardigan shift and pull her arm into a hug, and the tears start pouring down at that. She can't stop them, even if she's not a sobbing wreck with no dignity. Yet, at least. "...I don't want to lose anything else."

That gets a pause from Ren, who does their best to calm themself down. "Anything else...?"

"...My parents are divorced. My dad was...he was awful. Just a screaming, bumbling oaf who went from job to job while my mom stayed home and took care of us. Though she was...she was way more focused on Kiki..."

Ren listens carefully, nodding their head as Carmine continues.

"I haven't seen either of them in...years. We usually live with our grandparents, when we're not here. Last time I saw my mom, we got into an argument. I asked her why she stopped caring for me. Why she just...tried to leave me with him--"

"...She what?"

Carmine spares a quick glance at Ren's face, when they say that--practically seething with an anger they don't usually express. "...Yeah. She--she said she could only handle one of us, and that I was Dad's favorite, so..."

"Girl." Ren's doing their best to keep their tone level, but the anger doesn't leave. Hell, if anything, it mixes with the sheer unholy audacity of what they heard, leaving them flabberghasted-- "What the fuck is wrong with your mom?"

Carmine laughs, and while it sounds bitter, there's almost some mirth to it. "Yeah. Like I said. We got into an argument last time I talked to her. I told her I wanted an apology for her trying to abandon me, before Dad went and ran away. I...haven't spoken to her since."

"Carmine...what the fuck, that's so..."

A silence hangs over the room as Ren trails off, but Carmine breaks the silence after a few moments.

"...Between this, and the rest of the shit I dealt with at school...I...I didn't want Kiki to turn out like me." Carmine sniffles, tears still coming unbidden. "I thought you had to be tough and mean to make it, but I just...I wanted Kiki to grow up happy. I wanted it to have a better life than me. I was this bitter, mean girl, but I thought I could at least make it so my little brother--it'd have a chance at growing up to be a gentle hearted little dork who had something happy in it's life. But all I did...it all just amounted to...to..."

There's a few seconds more of sniffling before the dam finally breaks, and Carmine just starts to sob without an end. She's pretty sure her makeup is running down her face, if it hasn't been already; she finally just breaks, her tears pouring and pouring down as she sobs wretchedly and loudly, her hands finally being relinquished so she can try, in vain, to wipe those tears off. But still they come; the pain of so much more than a simple inciting incident, but still mostly that.

Ren uses their own free hand to wipe away the tears falling from their own eyes, as they just let her for a bit.

"...I want to stop hurting." Carmine speaks up, and Ren starts for a moment as they listen. "I want to stop feeling like the evil person that everyone thinks I am. But what if I'm just born evil, and there's no changing that...?"

"That's--" Ren speaks up, briefly, but Carmine speaks again and they let her get it out of her system.

"I want to make things better. I want to just know if it's all my fault, I want to know if I'm just--if I'm justified, in being unable to forgive Kiki for some of the stuff it did." Carmine sniffles again, wretched sobs still escaping her. "...I want to be able to be happy again, without feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. I want to make my girlfriend's pain go away--I want to make Kiki's pain go away, and fuck, maybe even Atlas' and some of the others. I want the world to just stop for a bit, at least so I can stop aching like this. I...I think I just want, more than anything, for someone to tell me I've suffered enough for this, or at the very least, that I just haven't grown up to become a little clone of Dad."

"...Is that so much to ask?"

The question is soft, full of despair, but it at least feels...somewhat good, to try and dislodge some of the thorns in her. It's painful and it feels dizzying, but Ren's hand remains steady, even if their own tears come down hard.

"...You're a teenager. A teenager shouldn't--you shouldn't ever have to ask that kind of shit of yourself." Ren's words are soft, with an empathy forged in the same shit they went through. Just without a depressive spiral and a shut-in phase. "You deserve to be happy, Carmine. You made a dumb, boneheaded mistake, but that doesn't mean you're evil. And it sure as fuck don't mean that you've gone and become your Dad."

Carmine pauses a bit, her sobs coming slower as she tries to listen.

"None of that shit yer askin' about, none of it's too much. But how's anyone else gonna be happy--how can ya share happiness with others if ya ain't gettin' happiness for yerself, y'know?"

"Because ya do deserve it. Whether ya want to admit it or not. Yer not evil, yer not your dad, you're literally a confused sixteen year old girl who should've never been made to feel like that."

It's shocking to hear, really. All of it is. Ren says it with so much conviction that Carmine almost believes it.

"...I don't want to talk anymore. I...I think I just want to...cry..."

"...Cry as much as you need, girl. I'll be here as long as you need."

"Don't--don't tell anyone about this, Ren. Please. Everyone has enough to worry about, and I...I don't want to put more on them. Please, I already feel bad enough burdening you..."

Ren manages something of a soft, warm chuckle at that. "...No worries, girl. What we talked about is stayin' in here, I swear on my life."

"...Thank you, Ren."

Carmine cries herself out eventually; by the time she's done, the two of them have shifted from the bed to the floor, bringing Carmine's mattress down to floor level so they could distract themselves until Carmine fell asleep. It's no easy fix, listening to a friend, but...if it makes the burden lighter, then Ren has no problem with it.

They were in a similar place many years ago with no one to help them, after all. It's the least they can do.

[alice-drysdale]

Guidance (part 1)

This is about Tom Hiddleston who’s playing a High-school teacher and an OC of mine Alice.

No one is allowed to copy my story’s or translate them!

Warnings: underaged drinking, suicidal thoughts, abusive behavior, toxic parenting, eating disorder

Her body wakes up every day on its own accord. Her room is cold. Her window is broken and the cool wind blows inside the room 24/7. She had the same sheets for one and a half years now. Because nobody washes them. Ands Her family doesn’t own a washing machine.

She walked to her closet and pulls out a T-Shirt and pants. Dressing herself as fast as she can. She puts a bit make up on, mascara and blush, just to feel a little pretty like the girls in her class. She brushed her ginger hair and leaves it open flowing to her shoulders.

She walked down the stairs as quiet as she can, she doesn’t want her parents to wake up and scream at her again for being too loud.

She makes herself something to eat for lunch later even tho she doesn’t really want to eat anything after being Called “way to fat” for the 100th time yesterday because she didn’t fit into her 7th grade clothes anymore.

She put on some shoes, her jacket and went out and starts to walk to school.

School.

For some it’s a nice way to meet up with your friends every day and hang out with them. For some it’s an annoying place where you get grades for a few sentences you have to write down on a pice of paper.

But for Alice it was a way to escape the hurtful acts and words from her parents. She doesn’t want to sugarcoat it. School is still extremely stressful and hard sometimes. But still better then “home”.

She’s doesn’t have any real friends but at least no one bully’s her. Maybe it’s even her own fault that she doesn’t got friends. Always staying away from social events, never trying to talk to anyone but always hiding.

The only person she somehow interacts with is a teacher in her school but never had him as a teacher herself. She doesn’t even know what he teaches. But he seemed nice.

It started 3 weeks ago when Alice set in the library even tho it was lunch time. She set down at a table in a corner looking something up on her phone.

That was when he walked past her. „hello” he said. Alice escaped a little „Hi” putting the phone away. Because teachers don’t like to see students on their phones.

He set Down at a different table pulling out a folder with a lot of papers and a small lunch box.

This little interaction, the “Hello” was something she looked forward too every day. She doesn’t know why. But it was a nice act. Just like today.

He came in and she was sitting at her usual table. „Hello” „Hi” he sits down but doesn’t pull out his lunch box wich was unusual. And suddenly she felt a kind of bravery she never felt before. She stands up nervously and walked to the table he was sitting at.

„Is it okay if I sit here?” She asked quietly. He looked up at her surprised but gave her a small smile „of course”. She set down and plays with her hands breaking the silence again.

„Where Is your lunch sir?” He looked up confused „pardon?” She was really nervous now „um… I just- you always got lunch with you but now you don’t I was just confused why… ” the more she talked the quieter she got. She’s so fucking stupid. Why would she asked something so dumb

But he chuckles and he noticed that she got nervous and wanting to put her at ease „you are right usually I got lunch with me, but I had a lot of stress this morning and forgot it on my kitchen counter”

„oh no” she giggled. She pulled something out of her bag. It’s a a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It’s a bit mushed but she offered it to him. „ I know it doesn’t really look appetizing but it tastes good.”

Tom looked at the girl and smiled at her „that’s very kind of you but I can’t take a students lunch my dear” he laughed. She looked at him with big green eyes. „why not?” She asked.

„Well you need something to eat too we don’t want you to be hungry the whole day hmm?“ she put it on the table nodding but not eating it.

„If I may ask what are you teaching sir?” Alice asked curious. „English and sports I’m Mr Hiddleston and you are?” „I’m Alice Bielefeld”

„Bielefeld? Sounds German” he asked „yeah my father is German” she said. „wow can you speak German?” Tom asked curious. „yes I can, but not as good as my father though”

The bell rung and she stood up „have a great day mr Hiddleston I have to go to my next class now” he nodded „of course goodbye Alice“

She walked to her next class with a smile on her face hoping he will eat the sandwich she left on the table.

And in deed he did.

——————————————————————————

wow part 1 is done :D ! If you have any wishes or suggestions how the story should carry on don’t be shy and write me! if you want to get tagged in the next part write your name in the comments!

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter twenty three

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

september 4, 2018 los angeles, california orion 

Being alive right now is exhausting. If I could, I’d sleep 10 hours every night, but the fact is, I wake up every few hours to throw up or with intense body aches that make it impossible to lay comfortably. It’s not comfortable to do anything, but it’s far too uncomfortable to sleep. 

My body is at war with itself, or, I guess, with the chemotherapy drugs coursing through my veins. Just like I’m fighting for my life, my body itself is at battle, too. It’s an awful feeling to know that even my organs are working against me now, on top of dealing with being in a temporary long distance relationship. The blood coursing through my veins contains the evidence of my impending death, and the poison mixing with it is there to make my life just a little bit longer, but far more painful.

Sometimes I wonder if going through with treatment even matters. 

Leukemia is a death sentence. There’s no way to sugarcoat it. Is it worth feeling like pure shit every day until I die? How much better is my life if all that I’m doing to extend it is also making me feel worse?

My mind is at war with itself too. 

I can’t figure out whether I’m excited for or dreading the day that Calum and I reunite in San Diego. I am looking forward to having him as a support system in everything after dealing with this without him for over a month now. I am looking forward to getting to spend time with my favorite human being on this planet. I am looking forward to seeing his smile and smelling his cologne and holding his hand and watching him perform and hugging him as tight as I can.

I’m not looking forward to crushing him with the fact that I’ve been lying to him, by omission, about my life. I dread the look on his face when I tell him that I have cancer. I dread having to hear him fall apart while the fact that I’m dying settles in. Calum is going to be devastated, just like everyone else in my life has been. He’s going to be generally upset with me for not telling him. He’s going to wish I’d told him as soon as I’d found out and he’s going to go into recluse mode, mulling all the facts over in silence and battling all of his feelings about the news. 

There’s still a piece of me that wants to call him right now and beg him to come home. What wouldn’t I give to have him here right now? In some alternate universe, he’d be taking care of me 24/7, coming with me to every chemo appointment and bringing me fresh water whenever I ask. He’d be up with me at all hours, holding my hair back while I vomit for the twelfth time each day. He’d have saltine crackers on autoship to arrive every few days. I wouldn’t have to do anything for myself and I wouldn’t have to do anything alone.

That’s one of the worst parts. While I’m in emotional turmoil with my choice not to tell Calum and him on tour and my body is processing both cancer and poison, I feel so alone. 

Emelia helps. My family helps. Macy helps. People are showing up for me constantly, consistently, but the majority of my time is still alone. I wish I could talk about everything and have someone with me just to keep me company, but I can’t. I’m alone. I’m lonely. I’m dying. I’m depressed. I feel awful, mentally and physically. All I want is Calum, but everything I’ve done for the past month has been putting space between myself and him.

I’ve fucked myself over, plain and simple. 

Today is my final round of chemo for this cycle, and while I know I’ll still feel like pure shit for a few weeks, it’s nice to have reached this mile marker. 

I take my shower before I get ready to head to the hospital. I woke up at 5 am, puking a few times before giving up on trying to go back to bed. I took a long shower, standing under the near-boiling hot water for almost an hour. It was nice to feel something, even if it was the sensation of almost burning my skin with water. 

Then my heart felt like the most fragile scrap of paper when I got dressed.

I’d gone to Calum’s side of the closet, as I have almost every day since he left, to grab a hoodie. It’s a random Liverpool football hoodie that he’s probably worn a grand total of two times in my presence, but it’s clean and it’s thick and cozy, so it meets my criteria. It doesn't smell like him, but it's not hard to imagine that it does. I can pretend it smells of faint cigarettes, coffee, pine needles, and honey: everything that reminds me of him.

As I grab the hoodie from his shelf of things, a piece of paper falls to the floor. Apparently it was hidden in the folds of the worn-out green cotton. I recognize Calum’s favorite blue pen scribbled on a scrap of notebook paper and pick up the note instantly.

O,I guess you’ve worked your way down the stack of hoodies. I don’t know how long it’s taken you to get to this point, but know that that means we’re that much closer to being able to be skin to skin, hand in hand, eye to eye, and heart to heart. 

I know it’s hard to believe, since I’m writing this before I leave, but I swear to you: I miss you so much. I haven’t even left and I already miss you.

Fuck, how pathetic am I? Do you see my tearstains?

I am irrevocably and inconsolably in love with you. I will miss you any second of any minute we spend apart. I can only imagine — dread — how much I will be missing you by the time you read this.

I know hardly any of this will be news to you, but I can’t leave without having pieces of my love for you buried around our home. I’m guessing this will be the first you find, but hopefully you’ll find the others soon.

Can’t promise the others won’t be as sappy as this. Just need you to know just how much I miss you.

I am infinitely yours. With all my goddamn love,Cal.

next chapter

[juminies]

Ann! Question for you: I know as an otome game, Jumin will fall in love with whatever personality you have, but is there any traits or habits that Jumin would naturally gravitate to?

Xela! I really had to think about this for a bit hahaha. I think as someone who showed little to no interest in women or dating generally prior to the events of the game, Jumin is hard to place in the sort of 'what would he look for in a partner?' sphere. He has an optimism about love, but I feel like he'd be the RFA member least surprised by who he ends up with no matter their personality, because he hasn't really set up any expectations for himself in a lovey-dovey relationship. It seemed unrealistic and out of reach for a long time.

That said, everyone definitely has a few things that pull them to people. I'm sure Jumin is no exception, even outside of the typical things people look for in a partner and the obvious things that are central to his route. I feel like it's really only in action that he'd notice himself gravitating towards particular characteristics, though! Especially when it comes to finding things attractive. I think if you asked him what traits he finds attractive prior to his route he'd probably be stumped (or just tell you he's not interested in women). Anyway, let's get into it!

Honesty and straightforwardness. I'd say this is probably the most obvious one. It can be difficult for Jumin to quickly understand or adjust to situations with people who tend to beat around the bush or sugarcoat things too much. It will lead to misunderstandings and unnecessarily prolonged discomfort, because often he won't naturally pick up on a bigger issue from just the occasional hint. In any sort of relationship he much prefers the type of communication where you can put yourself forward and the other party will listen, so that you can work around it together. In a romantic relationship this would be particularly important for him, so if someone is already like this prior to them meeting it's a huge positive.

Lightheartedness and optimism. It's not that Jumin doesn't have either of these things, but it is easy for him to get sucked into a very serious, "I must plan for the worst" mindset – particularly when he's stressed. That can be helpful sometimes, but he'd be appreciative of someone who can naturally balance it out for him when it's needed. Not to an unrealistic extent of course (he's trying his best and being illogical won't help anyone), but he finds that having the reassurance is nice. He can also be very silly and playful, so he'd definitely be drawn to someone who can easily match that energy and play along with his humour. It is still important to him that someone like this can be serious when it's needed, though! A good balance is necessary, as with everything.

Outspoken and will stand up for themselves. Someone who doesn't just passively agree with him (or anyone else) for the sake of avoiding conflict. Jumin is so used to people agreeing with him because of his status, whether it be for business or just plain old trying to get on his good side. It's boring to him, and can get frustrating when he feels that someone is being inauthentic. He actually ends up finding seeing you stand up for yourself, both to and around him, very attractive. Also if the occasion ever arises for you to stand up for him he will be rather flustered, much to his surprise. Plus I think in general he enjoys some healthy discussion and debate; he's very interested in hearing other peoples views and outlooks even if he disagrees with them!

Willingness to compromise. Jumin's life is very different to the vast majority of people around him. If someone is too stubborn or unwilling to get their head around that fact, it could be difficult for him to connect to them. If he's going to be close to someone they need to understand it, and they need to be willing to learn about and adapt to both his lifestyle and outlook on life. In no way will it be one sided of course, but if someone doesn't show that they'll make an effort to try and incorporate themselves into his reality as he would theirs then he simply wouldn't find himself as fulfilled. It's an unfair deal.

Being supportive of his hobbies. This one doesn't need much elaborating. He doesn't really care all too much if someone isn't interested; he's gotten used to people finding them a bit strange. But when someone is genuinely supportive it's like a whole new part of him opens up. Bonus points if they share his hobbies, he will be absolutely infatuated by even the idea of sitting on the floor of the lounge cross stitching together or something (Elizabeth will try to eat the thread though so be careful).

In terms of habits for the most part I imagine he's relatively unaffected – most are small things that he notices over time and just ends up finding endearing. However he'd probably prefer someone have a similar-ish sleep schedule to him. He likes going to bed together and he'd like to see you in the morning before he goes to work, maybe have breakfast together a couple of times a week. He likes little intimate things like that and, admittedly, misses you through the day if he doesn't get to hear you say you love him before he leaves.

This ended up longer than I anticipated (can you tell I like to talk about Jumin?) but I'm curious to hear your thoughts on it too! Thank you for the ask :'-)

[edwinspaynes]

HI! 💖 I love your blog! Do you have any headcanons for Matthew and Alastair's friendship?

HI! Thanks so much for the ask because OF COURSE I DO. These are two of the three characters who've been spinning around and around in my head like a frozen pretzel in the microwave, how could I not have headcanons!? Here are a few!

So, first: the nature of their friendship. I think they're going to have one of those super candid/honest friendships where they tell the other the stuff that they need to hear, even when they don't necessarily want to hear it. Like, I think that the backbone of their friendship will be honesty that goes in both directions, and I don't think they're going to sugarcoat what they have to say to each other. I think they're going to play the (very important) role in each other's lives of friends that are always pushing each other to be better and challenging each other's worldviews, but in the best possible way.

But the other side of this is that they're always the first person that the other goes to in a pinch (besides Thomas and Matthew's Blurry Wife, obviously). They know they can trust each other to provide kind but honest and firm input.

Both of them have a wonderful time playing harmless pranks on each other. Sometimes they enlist others to help create and execute more elaborate ones.

One of Alastair's funniest pranks was breaking into the Fairchild house while Matthew was staying there and leaving random gifts on his bed. He moved furniture around and convinced Matthew that there was a ghost there until he finally revealed himself. Matthew made him give back the key that he was using, a key that he just had because he never returned it to Charles. No one lets either of them live that down. Yes, this is a fic I have in the works.

Matthew plans Thomas and Alastair's wedding. Full stop. I've written this in a fic before, but I think Matthew's a fucking amazing party planner and really, really brings it. Decorates a garden with flowers, hires musicians, deals with clothing, the whole 9 yards. Matthew loves it and Thomastair get to enjoy the leadup to their big day with minimal stress.

When Matthew has depressive episodes, Alastair will come to his flat in Marylebone and force him to eat and have water. He'll also clean up the flat if it seems messy and drag him outside (often swearing and struggling) so he can get fresh air. Matthew hates it in the moment, and maybe hates Alastair in the moment a bit, but it helps him get back on his feet and get both his mental and physical health up. He's grateful later.

Besides Thomas, Charles (Past), Sona, and Cordelia, Matthew is the only person that Alastair has actively allowed to see him cry. Matthew was very empathetic and kind.

They eventually have a frank conversation about PTSD, though of course they don't use the term since it didn't exist in the 1900s. Thomas likely orchestrates this conversation because he sees some similarities between the two of them. They figure out that they have similar responses in many situations and bond over it. It helps both of them feel a little less alone.

When Alastair tells Matthew a little more about what happened between him and Charles, Matthew confronts his brother. He tells Charles how disgusting the whole situation was and insists that he leave his friend alone forever. Alastair never found out that Matthew did this, but Charles did in fact never bother him again.

The entire group gets together to play games (specifically James/Cordelia/Thomas/Alastair/Matthew/Matthew's Blurry Wife). When Matthew and Alastair are on opposing teams, the competition gets ridiculously heated because they refuse to lose to each other. Eventually, the others have enough and force them to be on the same team. HUGE mistake. They work together and completely decimate everyone else. They are no longer allowed to team up.

Matthew gets Alastair 2-3 interesting musical instruments from various parts of the world while on his travels. They come with sheet music as well.

Alastair secretly reads some Oscar Wilde plays and essays. He doesn't love them, but he sees why Matthew does, and that's enough. He goes to the theatre with him (along with the James/Cordelia/Thomas/Alastair/Matthew/Matthew's Blurry Wife group). They see Lady Windermere's Fan and Alastair begrudgingly admits he had a good time.

I have a ton more, but don't want to go on all day! Thanks again for the ask. :)

[divineluckfuckoff]

Some Diana Chiem info!

Because you guys liked the art sm, I decided to give you some info/hcs because why not!

Name: Diana Chiem (Gets called Dia by close friends)

Age: 26

Gender + Pronouns: Female, she/her

Sexuality: Demiromantic Bisexual (slight male lean)

Voice claim: Nobara Kugisaki

Current Status: Finishing her law degree to become a Prosecutor and trying to find out where the DRDT show is happening so she can help her brother out of there.

Likes: Alt/Emo clothing (although she also likes other types of clothing styles), cold places, winter, leaves (she likes the crunching noises they make), long books

Dislikes: Oatmeal, expensive stuff, summer

Personality: Blunt and realistic, Diana does not sugarcoat things. She likes saying everything how it is and not lie. She is a bit closed off, lazy and unmotivated due to her depression, but she still is attempting to get things done, like her law degree or making friends, even though sometimes it feels like a chore to her.

She cares a lot for her younger brother, David, and she wants to get him out of that TV show he has been forced in, no matter how hard it is for her to find it. She is determined to save him. She has been asking the very little friends she has to help her, and she found out some of them actually have their relatives there as well.

Other stuff:

-Left handed

-Has a diary where she writes all of her thoughts

-Her favourite animal is a whale

-She only has friends in her class. She doesn't trust strangers much.