#sometimes i feel confident offering romance and other times i feel anxious and avoid it -- i won't like shipping calls myself unless

[fatelcved]

also lemme just say that i appreciate everyone indulging me with ships and fluff and whatnot bc i've always been so nervous about asking for that stuff despite!! really loving it!! i just love all the character development that's involved, i love all the emotional connection and the significance of lil actions and words can have on someone, i love writing and thinking about all of it!! and i just!! really appreciate that lately, i feel comfortable openly offering romantic connections uvu

[wakaoujisenhime]

Ah!~ I fall in love with your Takao headcanons! Can I ask headcanons about Takao from best friends to lovers?

A/N: But OF COURSE, you can, the more Takao you guys want, the better for me! ٩( ᐛ )و 

So this will be a continuation from his best friends headcanons I made a while back and for those who’d like to see a spicier version of the more or less same troupe, I linked a similar request I got below! Hope you’ll enjoy this! ❤️

Tags: Takao x reader ✅  fluff ✅  friends to lovers ✅  slight angst ✅

☞ 𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟙    ☞ 𝕤𝕡𝕚𝕔𝕪 𝕧𝕖𝕣.

━━━━☆ ━━━━☆ ━━━━☆

living with your best friend didn’t change your relationship as much as you thought it would

the two of you were still clinging to each other like leeches, supporting the other during hard times and in general providing a shoulder to cry and lean on when needed

now that you were roommates and not only neighbors you saw Takao every single day and that came with many advantages

you both shared the housework and came up with cooking/cleaning/laundry schedules that made your joint life so much easier

Takao had decided to start working after graduation while you continued your studies (and occasionally worked at a part-time job close to your apartment)

it heavily depended on your individual schedule, but in general, the two of you had agreed that the first one home should be the one to prepare dinner and help the other one out a little

usually, Takao would be the first one home and every time you came back he greeted you like some kind of butler, helping you out of your jacket, taking your bag, leading you to the kitchen where he showed you that evening’s dinner, and lastly he’d conclude his small tour at the bathroom where he had run a bath for you

both of you were so close that all of your neighbors (especially the older ones) continuously teased you, saying what kind of cute couple the two of you were and some even went as far as to ask when you’re wedding was going to be

in the beginning, your and Takao’s cheeks would flush ever so slightly but the longer you lived there the more used to it you got, and in the end, it even reached a stage where you’d counter their remarks with your own witty and comical ones

comments such as theirs didn’t bother you that much, or at least that’s what you thought ...

a couple of months after moving in you invited some members of Shuutoku’s basketball team over for a friendly get-together and a warm dinner

it had been a lot of fun

people were teased, embarrassing situations were denounced as hilarious, compliments fell left and right, and what not

at some point though Miyaji - the club’s former captain - raised the question of whether Takao and you had finally started a romantic relationship

it was just a well-meant question and perhaps a subtle hint and yet your best friend began to deny that so strongly that you couldn’t help but feel aggrieved from his over-exaggerated reaction

the evening was kinda ruined for you and some of them noticed it and felt bad for you

in the end, Miyaji actually came up to you and apologized, saying just how much he’d regretted asking you something that was seemingly a taboo-topic

since then the relationship between your best friend and yourself was quite shaky, you began avoiding too much body contact with him, tuned down your clinginess, and even started avoiding him at times

some people think that Takao isn’t the brightest and assume that he’s quite dense, but you knew better

it didn’t take him even a week to notice that something was wrong with you and before you knew it he waited for you to come back home and asked you to take a seat across from him on the couch

“(Y/N)-chan...I’m aware that something’s been bothering you for the past few days and I know that some topics are better left unsaid, but I really hate seeing you suffer because of maybe something I did.”

his words stabbed your heart like hundred knives and even if you’d planned to keep your hurt pride to yourself, you knew that communication was key in any kind of relationship so with a bitter smile you told him about everything, how his reaction had hurt you more than his captain’s harmless question and how these new and yet unknown thoughts had begun to cloud your mind with masses of doubts

there was a brief break during which Takao’s expression grew unbelievably sad, he had expected anything but this

and then finally after what felt like hours he whispered out your name, got up from his chair, and slowly walked towards you, kneeling in front of your seated figure

“I’m truly sorry...I-I wasn’t aware of how much this actually bothered you,” he paused as he took your hands into his own and continued, “all I wanted was to make Miyagi drop that theme fast since he’s the type to talk about one topic for hours and I really didn’t want to make you uncomfortable since that evening was meant for recollecting and updating each other about our daily lives and not a relationship counseling...”

with a sigh you shook your head and couldn’t help but laugh at just how ridiculous this situation was, Takao joined you not long after

after that small misunderstanding, you two needed a bit until your relationship had normalized, but you’d be lying if you said that everything was back to how it used to be

once the imagination of Takao as your boyfriend had entered your mind you began to realize just how close the two of you truly were

him tending to your needs every time you came back home late, resembled that of a worried father-to-be whose wife was to go into labor soon

the way he always jokingly offered himself as your dinner was a cliché joke and sometimes an invitation one would often see in romance series that once again fell between lovers

and the worst for your heart was how the word ‘personal space’ wasn’t even present in his vocabulary, he’d hug you whenever he could, lean himself on your back and leave his chin in the crack of your neck at every given opportunity, and let’s not mention whenever he had trouble falling asleep (which was basically almost every day)

all those small and seemingly irrelevant gestures which didn’t usually affect you were now the trigger for a deep-red blush along your cheeks and an increased heart rate

and it didn’t help that Takao would constantly tease you whenever he noticed your flushed face

.

as time went by though you noticed that something between you two had indeed changed

now his mere presence was enough to make your heart thump wildly against your chest

the only comfort you found was that he himself had started blushing more often as well

you thought that nothing of deeper meaning was behind it and just blamed it on your behavior, but what you didn’t know was that Takao was experiencing the same thing as you

for him, it was as if every single touch - no matter how featherlight it was - set his skin on fire

every ever so small and gentle smile or grin you directed his way, immediately brightened up his mood

and let’s not even talk about the small things you do for him, like cooking, preparing some late-night snacks for whenever he has to work on a project until very late in the evening, folding his laundry, ironing his shirts, and so on...

both of you were slowly starting to acknowledge the other as an essential part of your respective lives

on top of that, innocent and sweet thoughts such as kissing each other on the lips, taking a bath together, or just doing silly things such as hiding from the people outside so that you can feel each other’s lips began dominating your minds

and what choice did the two of you have but to bottle these feelings up and hide them from each other just because you didn’t want to ruin your friendship

it was painful of course, but you continued to put yourself through with it, determined to keep this a secret for as long as necessary

unfortunately, Takao wasn’t made out of the same cloth and was slowly but surely feeling how everything was about to explode pretty soon

and then finally one day when the two of you went out shopping together some of your elderly neighbors stopped you yet again and began interrogating you guys as usual

“Have you two dears finally admitted your feelings for each other?”

there it was, their favorite question, that was strangely accurate this time

you were ready to debunk it yet again, but Takao suddenly took a hold of your hand, squeezed it slightly, and announced: “Not yet, but I’m about to!”

three pairs of wide eyes were fixated on the slightly blushing young man who stood beside you and while you were still trying to decipher whether you’d heard him right he faced you and even took a gentle hold of your second hand

“(Y/N)...I feel like this should’ve happened sooner, but my fear of losing you as my constant pillar of support was too big. Your presence was always something extremely helpful and soothing, but as of late I started to truly notice just how much more it was for me and my life. The sheer imagination of me being without you hurt me more than any game my team lost, any missed promotion chance or anything negative for that matter,” he paused and took a deep breath before continuing, “what I’m trying to say is that...(Y/N), I’d like you to become my lover.”

silent gasps could be heard, but you were too overwhelmed to pay any attention to it

the fact that he’d felt the same way and was stuck in the same situation as you were truly unbelievable, but now that you knew it all those small things you’d denounced as an effect of your own unusual behavior made sense

you looked up into the slate blue eyes of the man you’d fallen for and slowly removed your hands from his tight grip, only to then wrap your arms around his neck and bring him closer to you

Takao immediately seized the opportunity to do the same, he was anxious about what you were about to say so he at least wanted to savor what might be his very last embrace from you

“Took us long enough now didn’t it?” was all you said before you confidently took a hold of his cheeks and brought his face closer to your lips until they touched

while you two kissed ever so passionately and drowned in the liberating feeling of mutual love, the two older women next to you smiled while commenting on how they’d always known and how bad you two were hiding it

after you’d finally separated from each other you gave him your obvious answer to which he simply giggled and out of happiness began cuddling and kissing your face all over

this was truly a wonderful moment, it might not affect your relationship all too much but it was nonetheless a step towards a new and yet unknown experience that the two of you would live through while constantly supporting each other ...

[prose-for-hire]

Soul Singer

Pairing: Lorne x reader

Request: Hey lovely💜 Its me! With a request! 😂 I would love to see something about lorne who falls in love with a regular visitor of the caritas but never never sings. Lorne then finds put they are mute and never approached him because of that. I hope you had a glorious weekend 💕

Requested by: @therapieliteratur​

A/N: Reader is selectively mute because I have more experience with that. Reader has a gender neutral nameless friend as well (if you don’t have a friend that would be there for u I’m happy to take that place in your head for the purposes of this) 💜🖤

You went in often. You liked being surrounded by the noise. It made up for your own lack of speech in some way. Or at least it didn’t make it stand out so much that you didn’t speak.

Sometimes you turned up by yourself, occasionally someone came with you that you trusted. Either way, you became a regular.

He saw you, every Friday evening without fail you turned up at exactly the same time. 9 pm on the dot. You never planned this but it’s where you always came. It had a certain level of comfort you couldn’t feel in other social places.

The other explanation, that you yourself hadn’t quite come to terms with, was that you enjoyed watching the owner of the bar. He was breathtaking and you were entranced by him whenever you watched him on stage.

He sang straight into your soul.

Sometimes, you caught yourself daydreaming. Of a future. A guilty fantasy as you were sure it would never come true. Of you and this demon, Lorne. In a whirlwind romance. The attraction you felt towards him reciprocated, you spilling your love for him and he confirming his in return.

You wished and dreamed, knowing that was all it could ever be. That it would never happen. It couldn’t, you hadn’t dated in so long. It took too long for you to get comfortable and by that time, people tended to move on.

You love the way he moved, held himself. He was so confident, he thrived on the attention from the crowd. He was so different from yourself.

You could only dream that he would look at you the same way. Sometimes you thought he looked in your eyes, singing into your heart. A piece of him would live there now, despite never having spoken to him. You got up from your seat as Lorne made his way towards the bar before he would ask those who wanted to sing to choose a song.

You caught his eye through the crowd, your eyes were set on your destination though. Not realising that the look he had given you on stage had really meant something.

“Who are they?” He breathed, his eyes never leaving you as you walked out of the room to the restroom. The bartender shrugged and continued to clean a glass.

Ever since you could remember, you had been anxious in public. You tried beyond anything to speak to people, strangers that is. But you just couldn’t.

You remained silent, avoiding their gaze as often as you could. You wished you could speak sometimes, but often it was better than the alternative.

You often struggled in social settings as it was, but there was something calming about Caritas. About being in his presence. There was this sense of anything goes. No judgement. And it created a space you could feel safe in.

You were selectively mute, which of course meant that you could speak but only when you were extremely comfortable. Which, didn’t happen often in public.

You were used to it, trying to overcome it the best you knew how. That’s how you picked up your Friday night ritual, sometimes your closest friend that you’ve had since you were younger would come (they moved to LA with you). But even if they didn’t, you would come. You felt safe. But not quite enough to speak.

Lorne found himself thinking about you often after this, counting down the days until next Friday evening would come. You interested him, you were mysterious. You never sang, you only ever observed. Nursing the drink that somehow lasted you the night. He found himself wanting to know you, wanting you to know him.

Next Friday rolled around and there you were at exactly nine o’clock. You smiled as your friend, who thankfully was naturally chatty, spoke to you. He caught it, his heart swelling. There was something in the back of his mind telling him that you were important. That’s what spurred him on to talk to you, but the fact that he found to ridiculously attractive helped too.

He walked over to you and your friend, smiling. He was enchanting and you almost melted into a pile of nothing when his eyes were only on you and not your friend. He looked at you with such interest.

“Drink?” He asked and you thought before nodding softly. You were trying to tell him what you would usually order but the words failed you. Luckily, the bartender recognised you and made the drink you would usually have. He spoke for a while, mesmerised by your form. He wanted to talk to you, get to know you.

“Sing for me, sweet?” He asked, trying to make the desperation undetectable in his voice as he asked. He wanted to know you, intimately.

You froze at this question. Your face contorted in horror. You panicked, looking towards all the exits. Planning your escape. You shook your head vigorously looking away from him and into the contents of your drink instead. As if it was really interesting.

Your friend leaned in explaining something that embarrassed you but you trusted that they were helping you out. Explaining that here you were mute. His eyes widened, but he didn’t look down at you. In fact, it looked as if he understood intimately. Most people started talking loudly or slightly patronisingly as if you couldn’t hear either when they were told. Not him.

He nodded once and turned back to you, he offered his hand to you and when you slid your hand against his, savouring the contact he did something you hadn’t expected. Something even Lorne didn’t know he was going to do until he saw your hand in his. He moved your hand to his lips and dipped slightly, kissing the back of your hand.

“I’m Lorne, pleasure to meet you… y/n” He had paused before your name as your friend mouthed it to him. They were so excited that he had taken an interest in you. You deserved romance and happiness, they told you this all of the time.

A heat rose in your cheeks at this act. This one small act meant so much. He wasn’t less interested in you, hearing this made him determined to make you more comfortable. And proud as your friend explained you really did feel safe in his bar.

Eventually your friend left you to it, finding someone to flirt with on the other side of the room. You sat at the bar with him, on his insistence – so long as you were comfortable he added to which you nodded. You were, as much as you could be. He spoke to you, narrating how he felt and what he thought. Putting you more at ease.

You watched him as he felt others’ emotions, their futures just from their song. You were in awe. He was so kind, so understanding. He spoke, trying to help them. Often sugar-coating things, you found but with the best intentions.

He was funny, his comments that he saved just for you. And he was caring. Not to mention, he was real pretty. By the end of the night you weren’t speaking, but you were enjoying yourself. You watched another singer, his hand rested on the bar as he listened intently. You don’t know where the courage came from but you slid your hand along to meet his from your seat beside him. Taking his hand in yours.

He looked down, only briefly, he was very gentle with you. He smiled slowly. Nobody, especially not a beautiful human, had ever offered such physical affection like this. At least not in this way. It was pure but full of promise.

He moved, guiding both of your hands to rest more comfortably. You smiled down at your interlaced fingers. His hand felt good in yours. It felt so right, just to be here by his side. His hands felt warm and comforting. He rubbed his thumb ever so lightly over your hand.

It gave him hope. That you could harbour affection for him. That you could grow to become comfortable with him. Maybe even speak in his presence one day. Sing for him. It gave you this hope too.

You both dreamed of your own futures together, rather than focusing on the people in front of you. Not realising you were thinking of the same scenes. The same promises. The same love.

You both would have cried with happiness if you had realised just how true those dreams would end up being.

[taeyongdoyoung]

summary: the forest is your only escape from the everyday troubles with your family until you find danger lurking behind the trees. or rather, danger finds you. your fateful encounter with the vampire ravn leaves you wishing for a different life. you strike an unexpected deal with the stranger that will soon turn into something more…

pairing: vampire!ravn x reader

genre: vampire!au, romance, humour, fluff, light angst

warnings: incessant flirting, these idiots can’t help themselves, af- 🤢 i can’t even say it 🤢 af-fection

word count: 2k 

part one 🌙 part two 🌙 part three 🌙 part four 🌙 part six 🌙 part seven 🌙 part eight 🌙 part nine 🌙 part ten🌙 part eleven 🌙 part twelve  🌙 epilogue

After your journey to London, you became more open around Ravn. It was way easier to talk to him about anything, to share your worries and wishes freely. And you were beyond grateful that he was so willing to listen and to accept you for who you were. 

The next time you desired to go out for a walk, you didn’t need to be subtle about it or lie about how you were truly feeling. Because you knew that Ravn had your best interest at heart and he would do anything to make you happy. You secretly hoped he would realize the one thing that was missing. You weren’t ready to be honest about that yet. But maybe one day…

“Shall we go to the forest?” you suggested casually.

“Of course,” Ravn responded eagerly and pulled you close immediately so that he could use his super speed and get you there faster. You didn’t fight him, because despite the initial shock, you had become used to his abilities. It wasn’t scary for you, even though he told you on multiple occasions not to trust him blindly. Excitement was the only emotion you felt when you were in his arms.

Once you ended up in the forest, you were surprised to find out it was a corner of it you had never explored on your own. You looked up at Ravn in confusion.

“Where are we?”

“Don’t worry,” he replied with a confident smirk. “You won’t get lost. Not when I’m around.”

You smiled despite yourself and followed him happily. You had no idea where he was taking you but you trusted his words.

“I used to hunt here,” Ravn told you. “Before…”

You could hear the unspoken you he had in mind. He had predominantly hunted wild animals before he met you. You didn’t know how that made you feel. Special? As if you were the chosen one.

“Are you going to hunt now?” you asked curiously.

Ravn laughed and shook his head.

“Why? Are you self-conscious about it?” you teased him relentlessly.

“That’s not it. It’s hard enough for me to control myself when drinking from you. I don’t…want you to see me kill another creature.”

“Are you afraid I’ll start seeing you differently?” you guessed correctly.

Ravn looked away in shame and said nothing. But the silence was answer enough. You decided to drop it, because he seemed uncomfortable talking about it and you didn’t want to further torment his already wounded heart.

“We’re here,” he suddenly came to a halt and you were faced with a small lake that was glowing in colour because of the sunlight. Ravn squatted next to it and placed his pale hand inside the water. You stared at him, mesmerized as the glow transferred onto his skin, the sun making it shine like diamonds. He looked back at you, awaiting your reaction.

“You’re…so beautiful,” you whispered, without even realizing what you were saying.

Ravn frowned.

“You’re not scared of me?” he seemed genuinely confused by how calm you appeared.

“Should I be?” you played along.

“I am the fastest being in the world. I could snap your neck in half with one finger. I’m not…human,” he said the last word somewhat regretfully.

“I don’t care,” you reassured him. “I know you won’t hurt me.”

Ravn pulled his hand out of the water and swiftly got up, making a couple of large steps further away from you.

“You don’t know that,” he chuckled ironically. “You don’t know anything about me.”

You shook your head, disagreeing with him.

“I know you’re good at heart,” you chased him, hating the distance between the two of you. “I know you put others’ needs first,” you kept talking, as you approached him. “I know you’ve shown me more kindness, more humanity than any human in my life. And I care for you deeply, Ravn.”

He simply stared at you unable to move, his face was overwhelmed with emotion that felt so unfamiliar and yet so natural to him. For the first time since he became a vampire, Ravn felt terrified. Not for himself.

“You’re crazy,” he scoffed, hoping to avoid the necessity to face the reality. “Any sane person would run from me.”

“Maybe I’m insane, then,” you chuckled, not at all taking offence because of his harsh words.

“Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t,” Ravn once again amazed you with his Shakespeare knowledge.

And as easily as he had distanced himself from you, he was back to being his usual self. He grabbed you by surprise and started running. Vertically. Defying the laws of gravity, one second you were safely walking on the ground and the next, he was climbing a tree with your arms wrapped tightly around his back. If you hadn’t been too busy holding your breath, you would probably scream. Soon enough, the two of you were sitting on a very tall branch, surrounded by countless trees. Everything felt so surreal from such a viewpoint.

“You have to be kidding me,” you murmured as you took in the world around you. You hid your face in his chest, feeling a bit dizzy from the height.

“I won’t drop you, I promise,” Ravn giggled softly in your ear as you clutched his shirt tightly.

“I know you won’t,” you said. “But I might die from a heart attack if you keep doing this.”

“I’m sorry?” he offered but didn’t sound apologetic at all.

“Tis fine. I just…don’t know how to thank you for showing me your marvellous world.”

Ravn seemed genuinely surprised by your reaction. He felt like he should be the one thanking you.

“You not being afraid of me and granting me with the gift of spending your limited time with me is gratitude enough.”

“How about the gift of my delicious blood?” you joked, earning another gentle chuckle out of him.

“An added bonus,” Ravn smiled. “Tell me…what are you thinking right now?”

You were in fact wondering how he’d react if you kissed him. Would he push you from the tree in disgust? Would he kiss you back? He was so good at guarding his emotions that it was impossible for you to read him. You, on the other hand, felt like an open book, always telling him what you wished and him granting all your wishes. As if he was a genie and not a vampire…

“I was wondering the same thing. About your thoughts,” you admitted. A half-truth but a truth, nonetheless.

“What else?”

“Will you tell me if I tell you?” you bargained cleverly.

“I promise.”

“I was hoping I’d stop being so afraid.”

When you spotted a hint of hurt on his beautiful features, you quickly corrected yourself, hoping Ravn wouldn’t misunderstand.

“I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid of losing you.”

When he heard you say that, Ravn could no longer restrain himself. He leaned in so that your foreheads bumped quietly against one another. He looked into your eyes, as if asking for permission. You had no idea what he was planning to do. You just stared at him in return, waiting, aching for the same thing. Ravn leaned in closer in an excruciatingly slow manner. When he finally kissed you, you felt like you had yearned for eternity. In his case, that wasn’t far from the truth. He gently caressed your cheek with his hand, while the other one was still supporting you from falling from that ridiculously tall tree. You were still clutching his shirt tightly, your fear of heights far stronger than any potential fear of vampires. Ravn was very careful when kissing you, a bit too cautious than you would have preferred, because he didn’t want his fangs to accidentally pierce your tongue. It would be quite unfortunate to allow such a misfortune to happen. You were so soft and fragile, so warm and helpless. Or so, he thought. When he pulled away from the kiss, your lips desperately chased his, eager for more. Once you’d gotten a taste of him, you could only imagine if this was how he felt about your blood, no wonder it was so difficult to control his urges.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Ravn said determinedly, dissipating your previous worries. “I’ll stay by your side for as long as you want.”

“What were you thinking about?” you asked, remembering your conversation prior to the kiss.

“I was thinking about kissing you,” Ravn admitted openly.

“And then, you did,” you smiled, still giddy from the experience.

“I did,” he confirmed, laughing, the sound sending a gentle breeze of air in your direction.

“I was hoping you would,” you confessed shyly and squeezed his hand.

“You were?” Ravn was amazed.

“I was. And I’m glad you did.”

Ravn pulled you closer and stroked your hair carefully.

“I feel…so happy right now,” he told you.

“I feel…like I’m about to pass out,” you responded.

Ravn looked at you in concern and soon enough, he realized you were probably exaggerating the gravity of the situation.

“From the height?” he guessed.

“I think the kiss was largely responsible,” you joked.

Ravn’s anxious expression quickly turned into a relieved one.

“So I’m entirely to blame for your light-headedness?”

“Mhmm,” you feigned a frown. “You should take better care of your snack.”

“Tsk tsk,” Ravn shook his head. “My poor meal, disregarded so cruelly. What should I feed you, then? Hm?”

“I have a sudden craving for more kisses,” you smirked eagerly.

“I thought you said the kiss was responsible for your dizziness?” Ravn eyed you suspiciously, calling you out on your contradictions.

“Perhaps the poison is the antidote,” you said cleverly.

Ravn discovered he couldn’t argue with that logic and gave in to your wishes, kissing you once more.

🌙🌙🌙

Back on the ground, you asked Ravn if he could refrain from using his super speed on the way back to his castle. When he wanted to know why, you told him the truth. Sometimes you needed to be alone with your thoughts and for as long as you could remember, the forest had been your safe place. Nothing was going to change that. He responded that he understood your needs and was willing to show you the way back.

“You’re not mad at me, right?” you had to be certain he was okay with this and softly held his hand as the two of you walked at a normal (which for him, meant slow) pace.

“I’m never mad at you,” Ravn reassured you. “Just worried you’d be alone in the forest.”

“I can take care of myself,” you said proudly.

“Sure, you can,” he laughed sarcastically and squeezed your hand tightly as if to disprove you.

“In most circumstances,” you added and jumped up excitedly. Then, you playfully bit the corner of his ear.

“You’re incredible,” Ravn murmured in disbelief.

“Look who’s talking,” you complimented him in return.

“Just…promise me you’ll be careful, okay? And don’t go too far away. Please?”

You smiled, sincerely touched that he was so worried about your well-being.

“I promise. What could possibly happen? I get eaten by a wolf?” you joked absent-mindedly and you didn’t even notice Ravn became even paler than usual. He flinched as if you’d struck a nerve. When he didn’t say anything else, you finally realized something was wrong, because he was being uncharacteristically quiet.

“Ravn? Are you okay?”

“It’s nothing,” he shook his head. “You won’t get eaten by anyone but me.”

Ravn decided that humour was the only solution.

“It would be my honour,” you bowed most dramatically.

“You shouldn’t be so willing,” Ravn reprimanded you. “If I weren’t such a gentleman, I might take advantage of you.”

“If you hadn’t bragged about it, I might have let you,” you swirled around smugly.

“I blew my shot, didn’t I?” he pouted woefully.

“I don’t know,” you further teased him. “I might reconsider.”

“I am sensing there’s a condition.”

“There always is.”

“You’re lucky you’re so unbelievably delicious I would do pretty much anything for you.”

“Ah, yes, my irresistible blood type. Keep telling yourself that’s the real reason you’re after me.”

Ravn was not amused by your incessant teasing so he forcefully pulled you towards him, as if to remind you who’s in charge.

“I didn’t know snacks were so talkative.”

You gulped nervously and blinked at him, feigning innocence.

“Shut me up, then,” you were really asking for it.

Ravn didn’t need to be asked twice.

To be continued…

[pk-majora]

Exploring my natal chart pt. 6 i think. Just some more I found.

"Leo Moons are naturally enthusiastic, and prone to outbursts of spontaneous glee.

If this is your Moon sign, you're generous, proud, loyal and an adventurer at heart. You put your whole heart into relationships, and your sense of Self is bound up in who you run with.

You're a sunny optimist and can earn a reputation for being a cheerleader among your friends.

Your instinct is to demand respect, and there's a noble air about you, even if your situation is humble. Your confidence takes a terrible tumble, if you're taken for granted, or worse, betrayed.

Your pride makes you shield your true feelings when you really like someone. You might test a potential new friend or love, with demands, mainly for attention.

Leo is big on romancing and being romanced, perhaps more than all the other signs. So a Leo Moon is happiest when love is in full bloom."

SOURCES: https://www.liveabout.com/moon-in-leo-moon-signs-207098

"With the Sun in Virgo in the 7th house you are becoming a humble and clear-sighted companion. You discover personal power by being of service to the ones you love. Your central purpose is never to give up your vision or ideals, while still making room for others’ reality. You shine when you have something constructive to offer relationships (not grumbling, criticism, or self-defeating subservience). Coming into your own means never being anyone’s doormat. Self-realization comes through paying attention to the company you keep. Being you means always worrying about the ones you love."

SOURCES: https://astrofix.net/virgo-sun-in-houses-astrology/

"Pluto in the tenth house suggests that you are known in the world as a powerful person. You experience power struggles mainly in your professional life and in your relationship with authority figures. The tenth house is the house of career and public image."

SOURCES: https://advanced-astrology.com/pluto-in-tenth-house-natal/

"People born with Sagittarius in 10th House are rather philosophical about their career. They’re not measuring their success by how much power they have, but by considering how satisfied they are with their job. These people can work without becoming easily tired, meaning it’s a piece of cake for them to climb the social ladder. They’re likely choosing a job that involves traveling. When facing a problem at work, they prefer to see it as a challenge."

SOURCES: https://www.horoscopejoy.com/sagittarius-in-10th-house-navigating-any-difficulties/

"Natal Pluto in Sagittarius has a leg up on many other Pluto placements. ... With your Pluto in Sagittarius, you are likely interested in philosophy and love talking about how shifts in our beliefs can make the world a better place. Confidence emanates from your very being and you attract all sorts of people to you."

SOURCES: https://www.tarot.com/astrology/planets/pluto-in-sagittarius

"The north node in Virgo gives you a staunch inner directive that includes an analytical mind, a pragmatic approach to life situations, a desire for perfection, and a detachment from emotions."

SOURCES: https://www.google.com/search?q=north+node+virgo&rlz=1C1VDKB_enUS946US946&oq=north+node+virgo&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l9.2421j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

"Wanting to avoid details and the everyday matters, natives with the South Node in Pisces can have an undisciplined way of living. They don’t want to set goals for themselves, not to mention they trust their big plans too much, while not taking care of the more practical matters. This is a placement that’s suggesting its natives should work on having a routine and respecting a schedule because if not, they can become too worried and anxious."

SOURCES: https://i.thehoroscope.co/south-node-in-pisces-the-influence-on-personality-and-life/

"A natal Neptune in twelfth house gives you the potential to grow into a very wise person. Neptune here usually suggests a person who is aligned with their higher self, displaying compassion and empathy in the world. Planets in the twelfth house sometimes show parts of you that were not welcome in your family."

SOURCES: https://www.google.com/search?q=capricon+neptune+12th+house&rlz=1C1VDKB_enUS946US946&oq=capricon+neptune+12th+house&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i13j0i390l3.4069j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

"Scorpio midheaven can mean you are good at exposing the truth. People with a Scorpio Midheaven bring light to the darkness. People with a Scorpio Midheaven love to find resolve in every aspect of life. They can be the ones who are involved in humanitarian efforts and even giving their spare change to a homeless person"

SOURCES: https://www.yourtango.com/2020334796/scorpio-midheaven-meaning-astrology#:~:text=Scorpio%20midheaven%20can%20mean%20you,change%20to%20a%20homeless%20person.

"The Midheaven (MC) and the Imum coeli (IC) are two opposite points in astrology that are calculated based on your place and time of birth. The IC shows the qualities that you learned in childhood and the environment that you wanted to escape.

In order to get away from the values of the IC, you push towards the Midheaven. In fact, the Midheaven is how people tend to perceive you in the outer world, but more specifically in your career. Although you may embrace the qualities of your Midheaven, the IC always exists underneath.

The IC in Taurus placement is all about living by other people’s values in childhood. As an adult with Midheaven in Scorpio, you seek to individuate and figure out what’s real for you.

Keep in mind that the Midheaven and IC are always opposite signs, so you can’t have one without the other.

With your IC in Taurus, you lived with “set in their ways” types of parents. In some manner, your parents were very traditional. They followed a certain set of rules and may have employed black and white thinking.

However, this also means that in these specific way, your home life was stable. You knew that certain things wouldn’t change. IC In Taurus manifests differently for everyone, but there were at least some constant things about your childhood.

Most likely, your parents lived by societal rules in some manner. They were traditional and created a clear set of boundaries that you needed to follow as a child.

IC in Taurus also means that you probably felt misunderstood with your family at times. It might have seemed that everyone else fit into the mold, but you felt different.

At times, you felt that you couldn’t express the deepest part of you because you had to stick to the family structure. You didn’t have the freedom to completely be yourself.

You parents or caretakers deeply influenced your childhood with their own set of values. In certain areas, you weren’t allowed to explore or develop your own set of values. Instead, you were expected to believe what your parents taught you.

This created a very structured sort of childhood. You couldn’t deviate from the norm, or you would be punished and looked down upon.

Although your parents were headstrong and set in their ways with IC in Taurus, you were probably just as bullheaded. This might have caused some issues because neither side would back down during fights.

However, you may have also learned some positive lessons about strength from your childhood. Now, you probably have stubborn personality pieces, too.

Ultimately, there were no exceptions in your childhood. You had to follow the rules regardless of how you fel.

With your IC in Taurus, you didn’t feel that you could negotiate or explain your side. You felt like you had no power, though you definitely tried to exert yourself.

You may have also felt that you needed to earn your parents love in some way. You may have felt that you were deserving of love because of what you did, not because of who you were.

In both cases, the IC in Taurus leaves you feeling inauthentic. You had to follow the demands of someone else, even when they conflicted with your own personal beliefs.

Now, with your Midheaven in Scorpio, you start to reevaluate your values and compare your beliefs to those of your parents. You were never given the opportunity to develop your own self of morals, so the values that you do come up with might be the exact opposite of your parents’ morals in some ways.

As an adult, you may feel a lot of resentment towards your parents’ values. You were restricted in childhood and hold a lot of deep anger over these experiences.

It’s important that you work with this intensity. This is how you will dig deep and discover what matters to you, and your own values will probably shape your career.

You may come off as dark or tortured, or even seem like an enigma. However, this is important to you because you feel strongly about representing your deep self. You want to be nothing less than truthful, no matter how dark or twisty the truth is.

In your career and public image with Midheaven in in Scorpio, you specifically try to show the parts of you that appear deep and interesting. You want to be seen as someone profound, contrasting with the surface level rules and values you were taught in childhood.

Your appearance sparks intrigued. Something about the way you come off is dark and complicated, so people are drawn to you and want to learn more about what’s inside.

However, you don’t reveal all of your depth with Midheaven in Scorpio. You’re careful to curate an image that displays your best qualities so that you won’t be attacked.

You may also like being a little mysterious because you learned that there’s power in mystery.

In your work, you want to create or uncover something profound. Midheaven in Scorpio is all about contributing something important to the world. You will never settle for surface level work.

With Midheaven in Scorpio, you’re also attracted to power, as with any Scorpio placement. This is because you felt powerless as a child, so you want to appear important now. Power can become your safety net.

You’re hungry and ambitious, so you can be very successful in your career. Once you put your mind to something, you won’t stop until you achieve it.

However, your career must mean something to you. You work has to be an expression of who you are and must reflect your authentic values.

Keep in mind that with Midheaven in Scorpio, you can grow to possess unhealthy power, or this Scorpionic influence can be transmitted for good, helping you make an impact on the world.

Work to wield your power wisely. Don’t get caught in the dark and depressive elements of Midheaven in Scorpio, but instead discover your truest values and use them to shape the world around you.

Ultimately, you don’t ever want to earn love or have to play by other people’s rules. You desire to do what you want, when you want, and find people who accept this.

To heal your inner child with Midheaven in Scorpio, release the hangups you have that don’t serve you. Learn how to be authentic without needing to control the situation or prove anything to other people.

Instead, when you heal your inner child, you will show your truest, authentic self without reservation or fear."

SOURCES: https://teaandrosemary.com/midheaven-in-scorpio-ic-in-taurus/

"In the natal chart, your descendant describes what kind of partner you are looking for unconsciously. As the point directly across the ascendant which represents your identity, we tend to identify with the traits of our ascendants more. This leads to seeking the sign on the descendant in other people. With the descendant in Leo, you are attracted to partners who display the traits the Lion very strongly. This sign is usually emphasized in their charts.

The descendant is one of the birth chart’s most important features. It is the other angle of the ascendant-descendant axis, which deals with the questions of your self-image versus other people, relationships, relating, and many more. Understanding your descendant in Leo can help you understand your one-on-one relationships better, and it can serve as food for thought about your partners.

The descendant in Leo automatically means that your ascendant is in Aquarius. Being an Aquarius rising suggests that you are a very independent and freedom-loving person. You appear a bit unconventional and shy, but you have amazing ideas and you are smart. However, it can be hard for you to get support from others. The need for freedom of Aquarius can be challenging when it comes to relationships-you want to be attached and detached at the same time.

Being an Aquarius rising often means that in childhood, you were shy and anxious. You had a hard time fitting in, and you were in some way unique, not like most kids around you. As you grow older you need to learn more about the polar opposite of Aquarius-Leo.

Leo is the sign of the heart. You learn to express yourself with warmth and genuine appreciation of others. This helps you connect with others more easily, and improves your relationships as well. It is one of the most important lessons of the descendant in Leo.

For a long-term relationship to work out, your partner must recognize your need for independence and respect your boundaries. They have to understand that you need a lot of space in a relationship. You are not the right partner for clingy people with your descendant in Leo and ascendant in Aquarius.

Your ideal partner also has to respect your need for making things better. Aquarius is all about rebellion and revolution. You are looking at old structures from a new perspective and wonder about topics like social equality and creating better systems. If your partner doesn’t understand the way your brain works, you sooner or later feel that you have to get out of the relationship.

With the descendant in Leo in your birth chart, you want a partner who adores you. You expect to be the one and only in their life and you are not willing to put up with anything less than being treated as a royalty. Giving each other enough relationship is key in your close-relationships.

Your ideal partner is a born leader. They are courageous, fun-loving, gregarious, enjoy attention. You possess these traits as well, but it takes time for you to discover them in yourself. Many people with their descendant in Leo enjoy being in the center of attention later in life. The seventh house in Leo indicates that you love being in the public eye.

A Leo descendant in the natal chart can also suggest that your partners are often people of good position. They can help your advancement in many ways. They are often popular with people and have a large social circle.

The descendant and 7th house is how you interact with your partners and what kind of people you are unconsciously attracted to. Leo is the sign of the ego, and with the descendant in Leo, your ego and conscious self is often tied to other people. Because of this, this is one of the more challenging placements.

The negative manifestation of the descendant in Leo is not being aware of the lower octave of this sign in yourself. This is not an easy sign. Leo requires a lot of attention or else it becomes melodramatic. For some reason, you can find that selfish, boastful, inflexible, arrogant people appear in your life all the time.

The descendant in Leo suggests that you can perceive other people as self-centered act arrogant and bossy, especially those you are in a close relationship with. and unless they realize and find this energy in themselves they can project it onto others accused them of behavior they themselves as well

Leo is ruled by the Sun. The position of this luminary in your natal chart previous more information about your partnerships and the people you are attracted to (you can learn about the Sun in houses here). Sometimes you are are attracted to people who display the traits of the sign of your Sun as well.

There are four angles in the birth chart: the ascendant, the descendant, the Imum coeli and the Midheaven. They represent four fundamental aspects of the human life, and their importance in the natal chart is enormous. You can learn more about the angles in this article.

To calculate your descendant, you have to know your exact time of birth to almost the minute. This is necessary because the descendant changes approximately one degree every four minutes, like the ascendant.

The descendant is always in the opposite sign as the ascendant. For example, if your ascendant is in Aquarius, your descendant is in Leo, if your ascendant is in Taurus, your descendant is in Scorpio.

The degree of the descendant corresponds to the point of the sky setting on the western horizon. This also means that this part of your natal chart is almost like it was in the dark. It is not easy to see it. Most people need a lot of time to become aware of their descendant and eventual planets conjunct it or falling in the seventh house.

The ruling planet of the descendant adds more details to the analysis of this angle. You can learn about the meaning of the descendant’s ruler through the houses here.

The Lion is the royalty of astrology. Everybody knows that this sign is all about glamour and celebration. Ruled by the Sun, Leo is the sign of life energy and creativity. Leo season beings on 23rd July and lasts until 22th August (these are approximate dates, for a specific year look up an ephemeris).

In the Zodiac, Leo is the fifth sign. It is associated with the fifth house of joy in the natural chart (of course, your fifth house can begin in any sign in your own birth chart). Its planetary ruler is the Sun. The symbol of Leo resembles the tail of the lion, and it looks like this: ♌︎.

By element, Leo is one of the fire signs in astrology (along with Aries and Sagittarius). Leo belongs to the group of fixed signs by modality. Fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius) are persistent and determined, focusing on finishing and follow through.

Leo is described as lavish, creative, joyful, dazzling, fun-loving, spontaneous, high-energy, enthusiastic, inspiring, motivated. This sign is the life of the party.

As every zodiac sign, Leo has its shadow side as well. It can act arrogant, bossy, selfish. If it is insecure, it can overemphasize its merits and importance, what can make the Lion appear repulsive. There is a tendency to be lazy and self-indulgent."

SOURCES: https://advanced-astrology.com/descendant-in-leo/

[but-first--tea]

LFRP: Kyraeth Vale

location: Crystal Data Center (Balmung)

full name:  Kyraeth Aille Vale pronunciation:  Keer-uh-eeth Awl-uh Vale (The Celtic origin of the name is Cyhiraeth, but I altered the spelling to make it more user friendly.) nicknames:  Kyra height: 5'6" age: 27 (almost 28, her birthday is next month!) 

languages: common, Sharlayan, can read some ancient languages but doesn't speak them

relationship status: single

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS

hair color:  copper eye color:  pale green skin tone:  fair body type:  lithe accent: Sharlayan, with definite Limsan influence posture:  poised and confident scars: none visible accessories: a silver chain that bears a darkened crystal pendant which is typically always hidden from view

Traits

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

CHILDHOOD

Much of her very early childhood was spent moving from place to place as her parents avoided any potential pursuit for their crime. However, most of her memories are of growing up in Limsa, her father often at sea, her mother coddling her and worried about her frequent illness, and her older brother bringing back piles of books from Gridania to keep her occupied. Her life changed completely when a stranger calling himself Drutwas showed up and offered her the "cure" for her illness.

place of birth:  Sharlayan

hometown:  Limsa Lominsa, though she's spent the last two years traveling abroad

siblings:  an older brother named Faolan, deceased 4 years ago

parents:  Mathu and Irnan Vale.  Irnan deceased 2 years ago

upbringing: by her highly overprotective family, reading as many books as she could get her hands on, and awaiting more tales of her "privateer" father's adventures at sea.

ADULT LIFE

Kyra's entire world changed when the cause of her frequent illness was "cured" by a man calling himself Drutwas. He was later revealed to be a lesser Ascian attempting to manipulate her to his own ends. Much of her adult life has been focused on attempting to free herself from his machinations, and finding a way to end him. After years of working toward this goal, her beloved Tay sacrificed himself, binding his own spirit into a relic that now serves as the Ascian's prison. She has promised to make his sacrifice worthwhile, and live the best life she can, moving forward.

Character RP History: located here.

occupation: soulcrafter/spirit healer (not advertised openly), aetheric researcher

current residence:  Goblet

financial status: never seems wanting for gil, but doesn't flaunt it, either. 

weapons: arcanima, being smart enough to avoid the fight in the first place, a sword that she doesn’t seem to know how to wield, its hilt wrapped in silk painted with warding sigils.

vices: reckless and impulsive behavior, a weakness for rum, a bit of hedonistic tendency

SEX & ROMANCE

sexual orientation: heterosexual, demisexual

preferred sexual role: switch

turn ons: strength, altruism, intelligence, emotional maturity, intensity, strong-willed, determined, kind, sense of humor, confidence, loyalty, time spent together, a bit of danger

turn offs: ignorance, immaturity, cruelty, drug dependence, submissive, overly charming/insincere, selfish, shallow, betrayal, overly materialistic

love language: trust, a willingness to allow the other to lead, physical contact, devotion, indulging

relationship tendencies: Kyra has experienced a great deal of hardship and loss, and has built up her emotional armor accordingly. While she's not snobbish or hostile, she's difficult to get physically or emotionally close to. She won't assume that anyone particularly cares for her without said person making it too obvious to brush off or ignore. She won't rush into anything. Any relationship with Kyra will be the result of a slow burn. She is monogamous by nature. If she actually physically touches someone voluntarily, it's a fairly significant act. Enjoy a challenge? Here’s your ship!

MISCELLANEOUS

hobbies to pass the time: reading, drinking tea, listening to musical performances, sight seeing/exploring/travel, learning any new skill no matter how random, anything she's never done before (within reason... usually). Currently trying to learn swordsmanship.

mental illness: oh, she has some serious emotional baggage, but nothing that would qualify as an illness.

physical illness: aetheric hypersensitivity, currently "cured"

left or right brain: balanced

self confidence level: situational. Typically very outwardly confident, no matter how she feels about the situation inwardly.

vulnerabilities: self-isolation, a lack of physical combat skill, vulnerable to physical contact

RP HOOKS

walking library: this woman has spent her life researching things as a coping mechanism. If she doesn't know the answer, she can probably tell you where to find it. 

also a walking bomb shelter: she is protected with enough magical warding on her person you'd think she were expecting to be hit with a meteor at any moment. Paranoid, much? Anyone aetherically sensitive/trained is probably going to notice this and wonder... what the actual hells?

but... why?  She carries a sword with her, always, but can -clearly- not wield it. Anyone experienced with a sword could tell that she's definitely not.

probably in need of a bodyguard: She has a lot of (sometimes rather shady) things she intends to do, and a lot of people/creatures in the way of said things. She’s not really a combat character, and it would go rather badly if she tried to do them alone. 

spirit healer: this character focuses on healing non-physical ailments. MSQ has now made this accepted canon, as soulcraft \o/. However, I won't RP her showing up, fixing your problem instantly, and leaving. No heal-botting, please.

searching for an artifact: She's looking for a soulstone to replace one she's had taken from her, in hopes of gaining further insight. She'll chase down any rumors, hints, or leads no matter how bad the idea sounds. It probably won't even be the one she needs, but it's worth looking into all the same.

extremely curious: Have your own story arc? Kyra can’t seem to mind her own business, and can easily be drawn in! Want to hook our stories together so our characters end up working with each other ... or against each other as it plays out? I'm up for plotting and brainstorming!

open to shipping: While this is my one and only RP character and I won’t ship with alts, or engage in AU or multi-shipping, I am interested in potentially developing a romance for this character. 

OOC

I am 40 years old, and I started RPing when I was 15. I prefer emotionally mature RP partners, and I have no tolerance for poor communication, toxic behavior, or drama. I am NOT interested in any OOC romance.

I am in the CST time zone, and I make my own schedule. I can be available for Discord RP at nearly any time of day, and in-game things anywhere from 8am to 9pm. However, I’m not a night owl and you won’t find me in game at all after 9pm.

While I don’t do hard core raiding, I do enjoy content. I can play most jobs, and I’m an omnicrafter.

I have a love for very long-term, complex story arcs that can take months, or even years to play out. I don't particularly enjoy "tavern RP" or random scenes that don't build up to anything. I do enjoy slice of life, but only when it's building the character dynamic between co-workers/friends/family/romantic partners.  I prefer to put my time into building character connections with strong significance, and as such I'd rather not RP with rarely-played alts.

My character is located on Balmung, but I am happy to RP with characters located anywhere on the Crystal data center. 

Discord: Kyraeth#4608

@balmungrp  @ffxiv-crystal-rp​ @mooglemeet​

[lorraineritawarren]

Can I request a free tarot reading on how my 2020 will go and also the best attitude I can adopt to make this year a really fruitful year for me? Ss Gemini Leo rising

I see financial and material changes this year. Some sort of prosperity. I see that this year will be full of colors in a way that the months will be different from one another. Almost like a rainbow. Money is definetly coming to you. But be wary not to spend too much of it because there’s a chance you may get addicted. Peace will come to you and I see this year bringing a lot of mystery. You may begin to open your third eye too. I see you being more connected to your higher self and getting to the point where you feel good in your own company and by yourself. I also see you finding new passion in 2020. Could be related to your future occupation. An old acquaintance or an old friend may step back into your life. You still need to balance your emotions and love life but I feel like you will succeed in doing that this year. Your heart and soul are asking you not to dwell in the past , but use the inspiration and joy from that time to assist you in the here-and-now. You will let go of past hurts and will set yourself free. This emotional bagage that you were carrying for all these years will be gotten rid of. I see you being more happy and healthier this year. Your mental health will also be taken care of more this year. Generally speaking, I see you being more connected to the real you in 2020. The best version of you. Remember not to be afraid to be different. The angels are telling me that you should embrace your differences because they make you unique. It’s okay to feel and be different from others. They are telling me that your differences are part of your life purpose. You will bring something different into the world. Your faith will be tested this year. You may feel drained of energy and overwhelmed sometimes. You will be needing to get all your strentgh to get through this. Some things may not work out as planned. I also see something happening in a hospital. But it doesn’t necessarily mean something bad. This just came up in the reading. Fear and anxiety is clouding up this reading. Maybe some things will happen that will leave you feeling scared and beaten down this year. Like you were left out in the cold. But let the spark inside you guide you through the dark night of the soul. You may also feel detached from your love life in 2020. You may be struggling to take ownership of the decisions you’ve made. You need to remember that you are the master of your own destiny. The Universe is asking you not to be too stubborn and see the bigger picture as you seem to be avoiding the offers it’s giving to you. If you don’t come out of this cycle you may miss out all the opportunities that the world is offering you. You should also work on your self-sabotaging behaviour. There’s a serious conflict going around in your head or it will happen this year. You need to take time to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Your relationships will get more harmoniuos in 2020. You may also cross paths with one of your soulmates this year which most definitely could lead to romance. You may feel the need to abandon your plans but the Universe is asking you to stand your ground and fight for what is rightfully yours and your dreams and wishes as your hard work will pay off.

As for your second question to make this year fruitful for yourself you need to let go of heartbreak and conflict. Your loneliness may take over you this year but don’t let alone time be an obsession for you. Take time to spend more time with family members and friends. You should always stand up for your beliefs and don’t resist the changes that the Universe will bring to you in 2020. You need to have a strong will this year to make it through. You should be determined to achieve all your goals and work towards them this year. Don’t procrastinate on them. New doors will open for you and you will be stuck with multiple choices to choose from. You may catch yourself being in a dream world this year and some illusions will appear this year. Don’t be fooled because not everything that’s shinning like gold is gold. Don’t be caught up in too much stress this year. Let things flow the way they do. You can’t always control the things that are happening to you, you can never be always in control and that’s okay. You should learn to say no this year. I am also getting the feeling that you may be asked to go out to social events more this year and if it’s something you don’t want to do, learn how to refuse. You may feel like you are not ready for the challenges the Universe is going to give you but gather your inner will and you’ll be fine. You should also take time to nurture your inner child and work on releasing childhood traumas. You should work on becoming more emotionally mature. You will be beginning to gain a level of emotional maturity this year that will allow you to be kind, compassionate, helpful, affectionate and loyal. Your self-esteem is also something that you should be working on this year. You will feel welcome and supported in 2020 because the people around you may help you gain the confidence and self-love you need. You should be clearing all the negativity in your life whether it’s a toxic friendship, relationship or inner conflicts. Release all the negativity from within and around you. You should also get out and make new friends this year. I know that sometimes you may feel anxious about meeting new people but the Universe wants you to have fun and be more social. I see you getting out of your comfort zone and gaining the confidence you need. You shouldn’t be afraid to be in the spotlight. You need to stop self-limiting yourself. Right now you are in a situation where you are not really happy. You are the creator of your own reality so try to make it the best possible for yourself. You need to put in more effort to achieve the life you want to live. 

Love and light 🕊✨🖤

[missizzy]

New Fic: The Bust Stop, Part 1(Star Trek: Voyager)

Tom Paris had gotten to the point in his relationship with B’Elanna Torres where he could usually tell what she wanted without her saying it, at least on the everyday things, though sometimes he had a nagging feeling he was missing something in what she wanted from him overall. For instance, whenever it was she who planned a date, he knew from the kind of date what she wanted from it. If it was on the holodeck, she wanted to turn her brain off completely and forget about the week she’d been having. If it was just dinner in their quarters, but with her saying, “something special” she wanted romance. He wasn’t sure if she consciously realized that, but every time in the past year he’d formed that conclusion, and every time he’d been right.

If, however, it was again dinner with their quarters, but her saying “nothing special,” that meant she wanted to have a serious discussion with him, the kind that men on instinct preferred to avoid.

Which was why when he came home that evening, from an unremarkable shift which had left him plenty of time to dwell uneasily on the date to come, he was hard put to appear nonchalant. But this just might be painful enough without getting her nervous beforehand, or worse, angry, so he forced himself to smile when he saw the salad and steaks she’d replicated. “I got the dressing you wanted,” she said. “Though there’s no rations left over for dessert, unless we eat it tomorrow.”

“That could work,” he shrugged. If only she’d said “something special,” he thought. Then there could be seduction, which was followed obviously by sex, and then they could nap until 2400, and then have dessert. But no. By 2400 he didn’t know what state they’d be in.

It’ll probably be over by then, he reminded himself. We’ll say whatever we have to say, and it’ll be over with, and maybe it won’t be something that will leave us that upset when we’re done with it. But it was hard to think past a conversation when he didn’t even know what the subject of it was going to be. Especially when his having no idea was a little more unusual these days; usually he had a sneaking suspicion, but that night, nothing.

“Then let’s eat while it’s still hot,” she said, and she dug in. She didn’t look at him as she did, which made him aware she wasn’t looking forward to this conversation either. Which meant it had to be something really important. He was simultaneous more nervous than before, and vaguely relieved. Whatever it was, they just might be in it together. He hoped, because if it was a problem she had with him, he was in really deep trouble, especially since he’d missed it completely.

He ought to let her take the silence to prepare herself, and wait it out, and let his own inner procrastinator decide she could have all the time she needed. But as he watched the meat disappear from her plate, while most of his stayed where it was, because being nervous made her eat and him not eat, he quickly started to feel that the silence was far worse than enduring whatever it was she had to say.

So he tried to chew, and tried even harder to swallow, and listen to her anxious breathing in between bites, and looked up at the ceiling, and out at the streaking starfield, and half-hoped some sort of emergency would call them to their stations, even though in the long run that would leave him more time to dread what was coming up. Finally, when she put down her fork, paused, and then picked it up again, he snapped, “What do you want?”

“What do you want?” burst from her, and their eyes met. She didn’t look that frightened, more just confused.

Which ought to be his gig right now. “What do you mean what do I want?”

“From me. I mean, what...I’m going about this the wrong way.”

“Okay.” He didn’t understand the situation any more than he had when he’d sat down at the table.

“I...” She was having trouble, and he wanted very badly to help, but was at a loss for how. “I talked with Chakotay. After the whole thing with the Barge of the Dead.”

She had not talked much in the month that had passed since, about what she had dreamed about when she had nearly died in Sickbay. After nearly losing her, Tom at least had been too grateful she was alive to press her with questions. Only once had she even indirectly alluded to it, a few days later when they had held Marika Wilkarah’s funeral, following the normal Bajoran rituals as best they could, and after the ceremony had ended and they had made their way to the mess hall for a small reception, she had spoken quietly, half to him, half to herself.

“I want to be the one to seek out her family when we get home,” she’d said, because it was agreed someone would have to do that, so they would know her fate. “I was her immediate commanding officer for the last weeks of her life, after all. And I want to make sure they get her final words to them. No parents should lose their children like that, without a word or knowledge. How must she have felt, knowing they were on the other of the galaxy, and barring a miracle, she was never going to see or speak to them again while she was still alive...” That was all. When she had gone to Janeway at the reception the captain had agreed immediately.

Now it turned out she’d gone and talked to Chakotay about it, and Tom had to tell himself not to get angry she’d gone to him. And then, as if reading his mind, she said, “You have to understand Tom, when I gave it some thought, I found he was the only person in my life where I knew exactly where I stood with him.”

“What?!” Now Tom was getting angry. “And what do you think you are to me, chopped liver?”

“Lover, sure, right now,” she sighed. “But what about in a year? In two? In ten?”

Okay, now maybe this was making sense. “Is this your way of telling me you want me to propose?”

“No,” she shook her head impatiently. “Well, maybe. I wasn’t thinking along those lines. You could marry me and then divorce me five years later anyway. I just want to know what you want with me.”

“For life?” he finished, half to clarify, half to get his bearings.

She nodded. “For life.”

“Okay.” He breathed in. He’d never thought about the future like this. Maybe a little when he’d been a kid and he’d looked forward to success and being happy in Starfleet, or even anywhere. But in the penal colony there hadn’t been much of a future to look forward to, even if he could hope to be freed, because he’d known not much awaited him outside besides the life of a loser. The past five years he’d been too happy counting his blessings to worry about how many more of them he was going to get, especially when that dread had haunted the back of his head, because he didn’t know for sure that he actually was going to get that pardon when they got home.

But after only a moment more of thought, he was able to say, “I want you to stick around, that much I can say immediately. For life.”

“As your lover?” She was forcing herself to press on.

“If that’s what you want to stay. Or...” He gave himself one last moment to hesitate, but no, he would’ve had to be the worst idiot in the universe to not take this if she really was willing to give it to him. He got up from his seat and then down on his knee. “B’Elanna Torres, daughter of Miral, will you marry me?”

When she just sat there, looking mildly stunned, Tom heard himself babbling, “I can’t get a ring right now, but if you’re willing to settle for a simple one I can get you one at midnight, or buy one at the next planet we stop at if you don’t want a replicated one-in fact, if you want to wait to respond until then, that’s fine. I mean I’m really just throwing the question out here, I’m happy to leave the offer standing as long as you want...”

“That won’t be necessary.” She was smiling now, and she leaned down to take his hand and craned her head in as if she was telling him a secret as she whispered, “My answer’s yes.”

That was about when it hit Tom how much he’d just changed things for himself. Not that this was a bad thing, even if it was kind of terrifying too. But after that they were kissing anyway, and when his hand touched the right part of her back he could feel her heart practically jumping, and concentrating on that kept his mind steady, even as the universe was shaking, the ship shaking...

...why was the ship shaking?

B’Elanna pulled away as they both realized something was wrong. Her combadge had fallen off. She had to dive for it, and she clutched it as the ship rocked them further; it took her several moments to successfully comm engineering. “What’s going on?” Tom heard her demand of them as an attempt to contact someone himself failed, with his badge falling off too as the ship rocked again.

The response was a little static and a lot of technobabble that only an engineer could understand, but from how B’Elanna’s face paled, it didn’t sound like good news. “I’ll be there right away,” she said just as the klaxons sounded for yellow alert, and from the floor his own combadge turned on long enough to summon him to the bridge.

Since they needed to go in opposite directions, it had long become typical practice for the two of them to split up and head for different turbolifts outside their door. Tonight, however, even under their current circumstances, they had pause a moment, and flash each other a sort of grin, that unspoken exchange of, “Are we really now? Yes we are.” Even with the ship now rocking so hard Tom could see the floor positively quiver, he couldn’t lose his general feeling of elation.

It lasted all through the turbolift ride and even when he emerged to find a tense bridge and Ayala at the conn trying to pilot with one hand while with the other he clung to the console. When he turned and saw Tom he looked relieved, and was glad to pull himself up shakily and stumble off. Tom himself nearly fell into his seat, but once he was seated he felt fairly confident, especially when his hands were at the controls and the ship was responding to them. The viewscreen was filled with flashing orange light and he tried to maneuver to avoid as it lashed around them.

Even if he had no idea what was going on, at least for a few more minutes, until Captain Janeway commanded Harry to give her a prognosis on the “phenomenon,” and he, doubtfully, replied, “All I can tell you is it’s all over the electro-magnetic spectrum, it’s growing in size at a rate of about two miles per millisecond, we’re not actually in contact with it, but we’re starting to absorb serious radiation anyway-so far the shields have taken it...”

The orange lights on the viewscreen were getting larger. Tom was fairly certain that was bad. He was beginning to get a pilot’s feel for the phenomenon and how it was interacting with the ship, and if it got much stronger in intensity he would have a lot of trouble keeping the ship under control.

Then he heard an exclamation of surprise from Harry, followed by, “It looks like we’re being hailed. Audio only.”

“By who?” the Captain demanded, voicing everyone’s confusion.

“I don’t know.” Harry sounded as confused as the rest of them. “There’s nothing that should be able to hail us for light years around.”

“Well, put it on.” The bridge was filled with a burst of static, before a tinny, vaguely feminine voice followed:

“Hello, and welcome to our Portal. Please be advised the entry process will take between six clacks and ten loughs. Please do not attempt to move after we have taken you into lockhold.”

It was Tuvok, in his manner, who summed it up, “They do not seem to be considering whether or not we actually wish to enter their portal.”

“Well, do we?” Even as the ship shook, Captain Janeway seemed able to contemplate the question with perfect calm. “Would it get us closer to home? Or is there too much risk of us ending up further away?”

“Depends if there are multiple destinations maybe,” commented Commander Chakotay.

“Good point,” said the Captain as the shaking started to subside, and as Tom looked at his console he nearly did a double take.

“Captain,” he said. “The ship has started moving without me.”

“You mean the ship itself is moving on engine power, instead of being moved?”

“Exactly.” The console was even flashing as if commands were being entered into it, while Tom carefully held his hands above the screen, wondering what would happen if he tried to enter anything. If she gave the order, he told himself.

But instead she said, “Let it, for now. But I want to know where we’re going the moment anyone has any idea of it.”

Several minutes passed. The shaking mostly died down, but Tom was aware of the ship moving very fast; he’d always been able to feel it even through the inertial dampeners, and now he could do so even more than usual. That was good, because the screen didn’t really show much of what was in their immediate surroundings; there was too much interference. Harry was providing more information, listing off out loud what kinds of radiation were involved and what levels they were at, though he didn’t sound like he understood his readings much either.

But then the viewscreen was filled with white light, a moment before the ship went completely still, and Harry fell silent. “Is this the portal?” Captain Janeway wondered out loud.

“I think it might be,” said Harry. “We’re being hailed audio only again.”

It was the same voice, and this time it said, “Welcome to our Trans-Dimension Traveling System. Please remain in place and lower your shields to receive your personal negotiator to work out your itinerary and method of payment.”

“Multiple destinations,” said a very pleased Captain Janeway.

“How are we going to pay, though?” wondered Commander Chakotay.

“Shall we lower the shields, then?” asked Tuvok, in his usual neutral tone, though Tom had no doubt he was thinking about whether or not it was a trap.

The thought of it, too, might have been why it took the captain a moment or so to respond. But such an opportunity like this they really couldn’t pass up, so she just said, “Do it.”

Tom for a moment when he heard Tuvok’s affirming response instead worried about the threat of the more natural phenomena around with the shields lowered. But things around them had gotten pretty still. They were still surrounded by electrically charged particles, but those seemed to just be floating around and filling the viewscreen with some somewhat gorgeous blue-violet light.

“How long is it going to take?” was Captain Janeway’s response when at first nothing happened. But no one had a real answer for her, and about a minute later, Harry said, “I think someone’s trying to beam into the bridge-from light years away, it seems; they’re using some kind of...” He groped for the words, and failed to find them before their visitor arrived. Tom turned around at the sound, which sounded kind of like a transporter beam but more high-pitched than any beam Tom had ever heard, and he appeared in light that was such a rich shade of gold it dazzled on a whole different level from the normal sight of the transporter doing its work.

He was baseline humanoid, grey colored, covered with thin scales and sparse hair not on top of his head, but close to his neck and around his shoulders and ankles. His hands had five fingers, but his feet, which were bare, had only four toes. He wore a sleeveless black bodysuit, and two red bracelets on his left wrist.

“Good evening, sir.” Captain Janeway offered her hand, then when their visitor didn’t seem inclined to take it smoothly took a step forward. “I assume you’re here for negotiating with us?”

“And you are the director of this establishment?” he asked in turn. He had one of the deepest, smoothest voices any of them had ever heard.

“I tend to go by the title of Captain, actually,” said Janeway, who of course could be pretty smooth herself when called for. “But yes, I am the one in charge here.”

“Then, Captain-Director, if there is a place to negotiate in private?”

To the less knowledgeable observer, there was no real pause here. But those on the bridge who knew how Captain Janeway did things noticed she made a slight one, before then saying, “My ready room is this way.”

As she led him there, his complimenting their “headquarters” as he went, Tom found himself exchanging a look with the other men on the bridge. Commander Chakotay especially looked uneasy. The guy was simply too slick for them to trust him that easily. Captain Janeway would be on her guard at least, they were sure of that. But her desperation to get them home might get in the way of her caution for her own safety, so they were all in agreement. One real sign, my friend, Tom thought. One solid reason to believe we’re not just feeling paranoid...

The ship was still dead in space, and from the sound of the console hums, neither Harry nor Tuvok nor anyone else on the bridge was getting any readings that would indicate the situation was changing. There was nothing to do but wait.

Wait they did. Inevitably Tom's mind wandered back to the events of earlier that evening. It hadn’t quite sunk in yet that he and B’Elanna had just agreed to spend the rest of their lives together, that if all went well, he’d live and die by her side. Also, he found himself thinking there should probably be a plan about telling people, but under the circumstances it might have to wait until a less exciting day. He was a little worried about Commander Chakotay’s reaction.

Finally the captain and her guest emerged back onto the bridge, and from the way she was beaming, Tom could only conclude the negotiation had been a huge success. “Shipwide announcement to make, Mr. Kim,” she declared, and Harry happily tapped his console to turn on all the comms. “Attention, everyone on board. This is your captain speaking. I am happy to announce that I have just now made an agreement that will, if all goes well, see us back in Federation space within the next year.”

There was a pause while a few cheers escaped on the bridge, and made them all aware of how many were probably being let out all over the ship. Captain Janeway beamed further, before continuing, “We are currently in the portal of an interstellar transportation system that will over the next ten months take us through most of the rest of our journey. In return, we will bring them to the Federation, and they will hopefully extend their transportation services to Federation space.” That was kind of universe-changing for the Federation, Tom couldn’t help but think, though none of them would be dwelling on it too much at the moment.

When the ship started feeling shaky again, Tom initially didn’t worry. They were, after all, within a interstellar phenomenon, and one they knew practically nothing about besides that they had to get through it to get home, and if it wanted to be a bumpy ride, well, that was something surely everyone on the ship was willing to allow. He did take a look at the display on the conn that was showing their speed, current direction, and a rough estimate about how much the ship was being impeded, but the first two things he knew already and the high number on the third wasn’t exactly a surprise.

It wasn’t the display, anyway, that initially made him realize something was wrong. It was his own inner navigator and preceptor instead, the part of him that could subconsciously sense how the ship was moving even through the inertial dampeners, that made him realize the ship was slowing down involuntarily, and the slower it got, the worse the shaking got, and Tom would swear he could even feel something in the space around them starting to squeeze in.

The Captain had something of the same instincts. It was when Tom, looking at the display now also giving out the wrong numbers, was drawing breath in to speak that she leaned over him, her face placid to those who didn’t know her, took a look at the numbers, and immediately said, “Mr. Kim, give me the ship’s vitals.”

Harry had gotten really good, too, at sensing when things had gone very wrong, though he only said, “We’re getting some strange readings off the engines and the shields. The latter are down very slightly, no explanation.” One could hear growing tension in his voice.

Still none in hers, as she turned to their negotiator and asked, “Would you say that’s normal at this stage in going through your portal?”

He remained even more neutral as he replied, “It is difficult to determine the answer to such questions…”

Which was when she grabbed her phaser and pointed it at him. “That doesn’t match what you told me just now. You said that everything about your transportation process was long standardized and tested and nothing ever went wrong.”

“Well,” he looked embarrassed, which was a very strange look on him. “That is the official line, but it might not be…entirely accurate.”

Janeway might have actually been expecting something a bit more sinister, from the way she just sighed, and started, “Keep monitoring the…”

“Captain!” Harry sounded alarmed, and Tom felt the same when the ship was too strained under him, and he knew he’d lost helm control without even looking. “The engine’s suddenly powering itself like we’re at warp; it’s going too fast when we’re not warping; I’m not sure how the ship’s going to hold up.”

“Look,” Janeway said to their guest, “maybe if we could drop out of it for a moment-”

“Oh no,” he said, and maybe it was Tom’s head playing tricks on him, but he suddenly sounded ominous and dangerous. “You are now within the system. We will have you, Captain Janeway, until you’re out-if you all live that long….”

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

10 Kisses (Galadrilake Style)

So, a while back, I reblogged this kissing prompt list because I thought choosing a few would be fun to do, but then I decided what the heck, doing them all with Blinky & Barbara would be kinda fun, so that’s what I did.

Since they’re sort of mini snippets, I’ve put them all together (with the prompts from the list) under the cut.

**The situation in No. 10 is something I’ve been developing, so there’s probably going to be a bit more on that later.

As always, all my Blinky x Barbara writing can be found here on ao3

1. Whispering “I love you” between kisses 

Rain pattered against the window, but neither Barbara nor Blinky truly noticed the rare occasion in California.  They were too consumed with each other.

“I love you.”  Blinky whispered, stroking Barbara’s jaw.  He kissed her again.  “I love you.”  

“I love you.”  Barbara whispered back and quickly pecked him on the nose.  Her fingers traced around the sides of his face.  “I love you.”  

The words were a quiet melody in each other’s ears between kisses.  The perfect words for an intimate moment during a rainy, private afternoon.

2. That little moan during the kiss when you bite their lip

Blinky bit Barbara’s lip, eliciting a moan from her.  Then a giggle.  Blinky himself chuckled before kissing her more fully.  He cupped her cheek in his hand.  Felt her run her fingers through and grasp his hair.  Barbara pulled him in closer. 

They lost balance and fell together against her bed.  Barbara laughed again as she settled among the pillows.  Her eyes met his and she raised an eyebrow expectantly at him.  He responded by leaning forward and kissing her again and again.  On the lips.  Down her jawline.  Quick little pecks on her nose, her neck.  A lingering one on the little space at middle of her collarbone.  A trail leading down to her chest.

Blinky broke away long enough to pull up the blankets and conceal them and what they did next beneath.

3. Both pulling each other into the kiss

It was that calm, silent moment after a hard battle.  Goblin remains were scattered across the battlefield in gooey puddles.  It had been a surprise attack and a victory not easily won.  But, in the end, the Goblin pack had been decimated.

The trolls and their allies appeared from the shadows around the meadow and gathered in the center.  Murmurs began as friends checked to make sure friends were safe and uninjured.

Barbara saw Blinky before he saw her.  When their eyes met, they were quick to go to each other.  Quiet reassurances of safety, of love, of good health passed between them.  Then they locked lips and held each other as tightly as they could.

4. Kisses on the forehead to make the person feel better

Barbara coughed and sank back into her pillows.  Her head felt like it had been wrapped up in cotton.  She much preferred being the one to tend to the sick rather than being the one with a cold herself, she decided.

Carefully carrying a tray with a bowl of gently steaming soup, Blinky entered her bedroom.  “Courtesy of Jim,” He said.  “Who insists you must eat it and then take some medicine and I do agree with his assessment.”

“You don’t need to convince me.  I’m a doctor.”  Barbara sneezed, and then offered a weak smile.

Blinky put the tray down.  “Do feel better soon, love.”  He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

5. Soft kisses on the neck that make you giggle and Person A kisses you more on the neck just to hear you laugh

“Oh?  Is that a sensitive spot?”  Barbara grinned.  “I guess I should check it again, just to be sure.”  She kissed Blinky’s neck, causing him to laugh.  Then again, just to hear that wonderful sound another time.  And again.  And again.

Blinky took a breath to recover from laughing.  He wrapped his arms around Barbara, pulling her in close to his chest.  “Ah yes, you have learned of my secret.  But tell me, lovely Barbara, are you ticklish?”  He slipped his hands beneath her shirt.  Then he grinned at her.  “We shall soon find out.”

6. The super long kiss that wasn’t intended

To put it simply, they were both comfortable.  Neither wanted to be the one who broke it apart longer than it took to catch their breath.  Blinky and Barbara had been having one of their discussions, the kind where they explained in great detail their passions to the other.  Blinky had gone on about Troll history and shown Barbara relevant passages in books he’d gone and grabbed from his library shelves.  Then Barbara had explained the functions of the human body.  The respiratory system.  The circulatory system.

Blinky had caught Barbara off-guard by kissing her in the middle of her explanation.  One minute, she’d been talking about how the lungs worked.  The next, his kiss stole her breath away.  But she’d kissed him right back, and put her hands on his shoulders.  He’d pulled her in close.    

And then they’d continued kissing and were still kissing and had no intention of stopping the kissing.

7. A kiss on the hand before asking them to dance

Blinky stood off to the side of the festivities.  He seldom went to parties.  He was always awkward and Troll parties were notoriously rowdy.  He much preferred a quiet evening in the library.  But a large party celebrating the one year anniversary of Gunmar’s defeat in the Hero’s Forge itself?  Not something he wanted to skip.  Even if he simply observed the dancing rather than partake.

Barbara walked up to him.  She reached out and took one of his hands between her own.  Brought his knuckles up to her lips.  Gently kissed each one before smiling at him.

“Care to dance, handsome?”

Blinky couldn’t say no to Barbara, not when she looked at him like that and made his heart flutter in such a way he forgot his lack of confidence or dancing skills.

8. Kisses that travel from the person’s face down to their neck (height difference)

“How is she today?”  Was a question Blinky always asked with apprehension.

The woman who ran the front desk at the Arcadia Paradise Retirement Facility looked up from her typing.  She and Blinky had gotten to know each other well these past few years.  “Oh, hello, Mr. Blinky.  You’re in luck, today’s been one of her good days so far.  Go on back.”

Blinky nodded.  “Thank you kindly, ma’am.”  And went on his way.

He paused, as he always did, before entering Barbara’s room and mentally braced himself for the possibility that her mind had drifted off again since the last time someone checked on her.  Her memory had started to slip a few years back (possible late repercussions of a long-past magical enchantment removal, he and Jim theorized) and sometimes…it was best not to dwell on it.

Today, Barbara was sleeping when Blinky entered the room.  Her breathing peaceful.  Her silvery gray hair combed back nicely into a braid.  She hadn’t become any less beautiful in her old age.  Not to Blinky.  Regardless of the fact that, since trolls aged differently from humans, he couldn’t grow old alongside her.  It was not his time yet.

“Blinky?  Is that you?”  Barbara stirred.  Her eyes fluttered open.  “You haven’t aged a day.”  She smiled at him.

Blinky went to her bedside.  “And neither have you.”

“Ha!”  Barbara laughed.  She tried to sit up, but Blinky ended up having to help her (and remind himself that she was indeed now delicate in her elderly age and needed to be treated cautiously).  “I’m still taller than you when we’re human.”  Barbara whispered in his ear.

Blinky smiled at her, stroked her cheek, and then leaned down to pepper her face and then her neck with kisses, which she eagerly met.

9. Quick kisses that you steal from each other at parties

The first time, it was Barbara.  She had quickly caught on to Blinky’s discomfort in large social situations and sought to help him, which he much appreciated.  As the new leader of Trollmarket and one who had risen to the mantle at such a troubling time, Blinky needed to have a firm, strong (reassuring) presence.  He could not do that if the trolls caught on to his uncomfortableness in large group settings.

Thus, Barbara’s habit of coming to find him and quickly kissing him at parties did wonders in helping to sooth his nerves (as Blinky was subsequently too caught up with warm, fluffy feelings to be truly anxious).  Though, the ritual soon descended into a game that they regularly played.

The rules of the game were simple.  Blinky and Barbara never went to a party together.  They had to find each other once there.  Whoever found the other first, kissed them, before quickly disappearing into the crowd again.  Whoever managed to surprise kiss the other more times during the night “won”.  Almost every time the “winner” was Barbara.  For all she had started the more uncertain of the two, once she found her footing, she turned out to be quite good at romancing.

So she regularly won the kissing game, at least until Blinky figured out he could end the game prematurely by catching her, wrapping an arm around her, and pulling her in for a longer, lingering kiss.

10. Not being able to speak properly after the kiss ends

The moment after their kiss ended was a silent one.  It wasn’t, of course, the first time Blinky and Barbara had kissed, but it was the first time like this.  While Barbara was…she blushed and looked away from Blinky.  She put a hand to her cheek and wondered what color her blush was, or if it had been noticeable to him.  In her new troll form, she was the color of sandstone.  All swirling subdued oranges, pinks, and ambers with the slightest touch of rusty red here and there.  Though the separation of hues, Blinky assured her, was barely noticeable unless one happened to be in very close proximity to her (or focused intently on finding out every last detail of her troll self, like he was).

Blinky reached over and stroked a loose strand of her hair back between her ear and the base of one of her horns.  “If you are willing to share now, I should like to hear your thoughts.”

“I don’t want to run anymore.”  Barbara said.  “And I’m sorry that I did.  That I avoided you.  I-I was scared.”  She looked down at the ground, at her very large feet and their claws.  Those would take some getting used to.  But then, everything would until the potion wore off (whenever that would be).  “Of what you’d think of me.  Like this.  I didn’t know what to think when it happened.  I thought you…I don’t know what I thought.”  She closed her eyes.  “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Blinky whispered.  “It was a perfectly natural response to get upset at such a transformation, especially an accidental one.  I know from experience, it is not easy.  But, now, we can figure out what to do.  Together.”  He took her hands in his own.

[bangtan-spells]

Yoongi Scenario: You Give Me Something.

Request: Hey could I request a scenerio for Min Yoongi about him be insecure because he find out that your ex is an idol that he admires so, he avoid you and star having doubts about you and him like he is not good enough for you and in the end you list all the things you like about him giving him a kiss for each reason. I hope is not to much T_T!

Genre: Fluff / Romance.

Yoongi knew he shouldn’t have asked, before this kind of thing hadn’t been important but as time passed and your relationship got more serious his curiosity started to peek him about who you had dated before him.

You had told him at some point that your ex was also an idol but Yoongi hadn’t asked who it was and he really hadn’t wanted to know, it didn’t matter who you had dated before, what mattered was that how much he liked you and how he felt when you were around him, he felt happier, lighter and also a little crazier. 

Yoongi thought he must be definitely crazy since he had asked you to reveal who your ex was and honestly he wasn’t expecting your answer. He had guessed someone more or less your age, a lead singer, he pictured him, your ex, as a singer that didn’t matter anymore, he sure didn’t imagine your ex boyfriend was no other than Choi Seunghyun, better known as Big Bang’s rapper TOP.  

Of course he had acted cool about it, in front of you he pretended that you previously dating an idol he admired didn’t mean anything to him and everything remained the same, because really nothing had changed, you kept treating him the same and things between you were good, but to Yoongi those news had struck him like a bag of bricks in the gut and suddenly he wasn’t as confident as he was before. Now the constant thought that you had dated someone as important and talented as TOP revolted in his head making him feel like crap.

He arrived at the dorm late at night as he usually did, Namjoon and him had stayed longer to review some things about future projects, he just wanted to clear his head about everything, maybe call you and hear your voice, put the whole ex boyfriend thing behind, but when he stepped foot on the apartment Big Bang’s music was blasting throughout the living room.

He watched two of his youngest friends in front of the big tv screen dancing and jamming to Big Bang’s Fxxk It, and of course because his luck was just this good, TOP’s part was coming next. While Namjoon watched the donsaegns with an amused smile on his face Yoongi stared at the screen. TOP was a great artist and rapper, he had always liked Big Bang, and being himself a rapper he had always watched G-Dragon and TOP closely, as both of them were insanely successful and were outstanding in what they did. 

But now knowing that TOP had been your boyfriend the admiration and respect had turned into something else, something that made him scowl at the screen and made him wonder what could have possibly brought you to move on from someone like TOP to someone like him.

You noticed something was off with Yoongi when he refused to spend the night with you, your main activity as a couple was to spend time together in bed, and most of the times it wasn’t even about the sex, although that too was an important part, but more often than not you’d just stay in bed whenever you could, being just cuddling or just the two of you doing work in your laptops just enjoying each other in the side glances and playful smiles you’d give each other, and while you were on a little break you’d go to the kitchen for coffee and snacks and you’d eat together to then get back to whatever you needed to get done.

 Of course you did go out and did other stuff, but it was in the simple things like those that you found Yoongi to be perfect for you, with how many people one could say to be completely happy just by having them next to you? It was rare and thus you treasured it. You had thought that Yoongi felt the same as you, but now with him avoiding you you couldn’t say you were absolutely sure he did.

You knew that at wednesday he’d be free from the afternoon onwards so you decided to give him a bit of a surprise and go to the dorm, maybe he was way too stressed, Yoongi, you had come to notice, was always stressing and worrying, he was a very observant person and he took great care of details and the little things but as it was a good trait sometimes it could also cause him to always feel pressured.

When you arrived at the door’s building you were a bit nervous, you had been feeling confident about going to see him, but what if you were stepping over a line coming here uninvited? A part of you told you Yoongi wouldn’t mind as he usually was very much content with your presence and the other boys were pretty friendly, but then he had been avoiding you the past two weeks, maybe you had done something wrong? It didn’t make any sense, the only thing you could think of was him being stressed and if that was the case then you should at least offer him your help.

 Yes, you were going to him, tell him you loved him and were there if he wanted to talk and if he still didn’t want to see you then you’d leave. That perspective made your heart drop though, if you couldn’t offer him your support then what could you do for him?

Yoongi couldn’t help his smile when he saw your name on his phone’s screen, he always smiled when you texted him first, he knew he was in deep deep water with you, he hadn’t felt this way in a long time, he loved you, although he had told you that only a few times, he really did, and Yoongi knew you felt the same, or at least he had been sure of it, now his confidence was wavering just because of your past. 

His eyes widened when he read that you were outside. Before you coming here like this would have been good news but today… He groaned watching the message, Yoongi felt like an idiot and he didn’t want you to see him like that, surely TOP wouldn’t act this way. 

-Fuck, fuck everything- he muttered standing up. Now he couldn't stop from comparing himself to TOP in every single thing he did.

Yoongi went to receive you nonetheless, you smiled at him when you saw him both of you sneaking into the apartment quickly, you were still smiling when you were inside but it started to fade when you noticed that he wasn’t sharing the same enthusiasm.

-Y/N, what are you doing here?-

You were puzzled by that question being the first thing he said. -Wow, I’m happy to see you too-

He sighed and shook his head. -I’m happy to see you too, but… I thought you were busy with your work-

-I was but I pushed that aside to come here- you licked your lips trying to read his face. -Did I do wrong?-

-No, I mean, I’m a bit busy, but it’s ok- he leaned and kissed your forehead, and then walked more into the dorm.

-And the boys?- 

-Taehyung and Jungkook are out with friends, Namjoon is writing something and the rest are in Hoseok’s room playing-

-And what were you doing?- you asked when you were in the living room. 

-Just you know… reviewing some of the lyrics I’ve written recently, all of that pure crap so…-

You frowned. -Don’t talk like that about your work-

-If it’s crap it’s crap Y/N-

-I just can’t believe all of it is bad- you said softening your gaze which made Yoongi feel worse, he had been second guessing everything and that of course included his ability with music. You looking at him like that didn’t make things easier, was it because you were telling him what you really thought or were you just saying it for him to feel better? -You are a great lyricists babe, not to talk about producer- you said coming closer to him but Yoongi huffed and turned his head away from you.

-I’m not that great-

It hurt you hearing him saying things like that, more even so that his evident rejection. Now it was obvious that something was going on with him, he wasn’t like before so you wondered what was happening or what had happened, if it had to do with you or if it was something else that was making him feel like he wasn’t talented.

-Babe, what is it? why are you so stressed lately?- 

-It’s nothing Y/N, I think I just need to sleep-

You shook your head. -Really? Because I think something else happened and you don’t want to tell me, I understand if you need a bit of space, but I worry about you Yoongi-

-Well I’m sorry to make you worry- he snapped and that cut the words you had for him. Now he was getting straight on angry, which confused you even more. -I know this might not had happened to you before, but with someone like me this kind of shit happens, I’m like this-

-What? What do you mean this might not had happened before? Yoongi I don’t understand-

-In the past, you sure didn’t have to cope with this, with someone like me I…-

-Wait, are you talking about Seunghyun?- you asked and the mention of his name told you it was exactly that, his eyes flashed such anger you were thrown aback for a moment. -Yoongi, he isn’t…-

-It’s ok Y/N, let’s just leave it like this for today- he said walking to the door once again.

-Wait Yoongi, why are you saying that? Baby, I don’t understand- you followed and tried to see on his face what was it that had him so anxious but you didn’t understand. -I don’t want to leave with you being like this, and us angry, I don’t like it-

-I’m not angry, I just… I can’t do this right now, so let’s leave like this for today-

You couldn’t believe him, but you weren’t going to keep insisting, if he wanted space then he should have it. -Fine-

Even if you were angry you were still worried about Yoongi, him thinking like that wasn’t good. You thought that he was ok when you told him about Seunghyun, for you it didn’t mean anything anymore, actually you haven’t spoken to the guy for a long while even when you had ended up in good terms. So you didn’t understand why Yoongi was now comparing himself to him, didn’t he know that you loved him? You loved Yoongi in a way that you hadn’t even imagined to love Seunghyun, it was just different. You could understand that he didn’t like you talking about Seunghyun or whatever since you wouldn’t like him talking about his ex either. But right now it was about just the two of you and you had thought that Yoongi understood that, but then it seemed you were wrong.

For the next week you barely spoke, Yoongi always made sure to text you in the morning and at the end of his day at night, but you could tell he still felt upset since he didn’t extend like he usually would explaining you the details about his day and whatnot. You were still a bit angry at him about how things had ended the other day, you missed him a lot and in all honestly you just wanted this to be over and go back to normal, if the issue was that Yoongi was feeling insecure then you just had to make sure he knew he had nothing to worry about.

Yoongi felt ashamed of how he had behaved, but at the same time he hadn’t know how to handle himself feeling like that. Usually he didn’t compare himself with others, but with this guy he had compared in everything, it was all because of you he figured, what if you realized he wasn’t good enough? After being with TOP you could say so, or not? 

Yoongi had many doubts, but also couldn’t deny his craving for you, it had been a while since he had kissed you and held you close, he wanted to do those things, but he also felt stupid. Either way he accepted when you invited him to your place, you had said you had something to tell him. Yoongi could only imagine what could that be, his positive part told it was you being your lovely self, but his insecure part, which dominated his mind at the moment, told him it was you getting tired of his shit and realizing he was a crappy boyfriend.

You greeted him normally, kissing his cheek allowing him to smell you a little, he missed that scent too. 

-So, what is it?- he asked a bit abruptly but dying to know.

-Lately things had been weird between us and I don’t like it, it has to stop Yoongi-

-I’m sorry, I know I was a dick the last time, but I… I just keep thinking that I’m not what you should have, every way I think about... musically, physically, damn I bet even emotionally, he wouldn’t treat you like this, I’m pathetic saying this I know but I…-

-Stop- you said. -Stop beating yourself like that, why would you even think that? Even less believe it, babe, that doesn’t make any sense-

-I don’t make any sense, but I know Y/N, with… other people you wouldn’t have to put up with this pathetic shit, he’s way more talented, and dammit, I’m not as handsome or even tall- he laughed bitterly and you just listened to what he had to say. -I just thought you were stuck with me, I… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said all that-

-Min Yoongi- you said his name. -All the things you just said, I want you to know, and I say this very seriously, that I refute all of them, alright? I don’t agree, I call bullshit on them- he was opening his mouth to speak but you didn’t let him. -And I don’t think you are pathetic, fear speaks horribly when you let it go out of your mouth, I know that, but Yoongi to me… all those things don’t make any sense, I’m not stuck with you, I choose to be with you because I love you-

-I don’t know what to say- he muttered after a while, his cheeks were red and you knew he must be dying of embarrassment, you looked at him sighing in endearment, this guy held you heart and he had forgot about it.

You took his hand and hugged him. -You don’t have to say anything-

You led him to your bedroom where you sat on the bed, the lights were off and the afternoon was turning to night, but you still could see each other. He crawled to the bed still looking grumpy and ashamed, like a beaten puppy, a look that although being kind of cute, didn’t suit him at all.

You slid next to him and hugged him again, his arms going around you after some seconds and then he was holding tightly, so strongly to his chest you you had to correspond in the same way. If he needed it you would hold him, because you loved him you would do anything for him to feel like he didn’t need to question himself.

-There are so many things I love about you, you don’t need to worry about exes or other people, even if it’s Seunghyun-

-Don’t say his name like that, you are very familiar with him- he said losing a bit his grasp so he could see you.

You sighed. -I won’t, but just so you know, I will tell you why Min Yoongi is the best man in my heart-

He groaned a bit in embarrasment, it was cute so see him like that. -Don’t be cheesy Y/N-

-You started it- you giggled. -Let’s see, you are one of the best producers of your generation and on the market right now- you said pecking him. -You might not be very tall, but I like the way I can look at you and how I can comfortably kiss you even if we are standing- you said pecking him again. -And talking about kisses, yours are the best I’ve ever had, you can turn me on and make me feel in heaven just like this- you kissed him to demonstrate and this time Yoongi made sure it lasted a little longer. -Just like that- you giggled.

-Y/N I…-

-Shh, I’m not finished, so disrespectful- you nagged making him smile despite himself. -I love how you protect me, how you get my jokes even if they aren’t that good, your smile, your songs, your hands, your passion, your determination, I love how you are so sharp sometimes but soft and gentle on your own way- you listed all the things you loved about him, kissing him between each of them, noticing how with each kiss it was harder to say another thing since you didn’t want your lips to part. -I love you Yoongi, you give me something that I cannot describe, something that people don’t find often, and I wouldn’t change you for anyone else-

-I feel kind of like an idiot now- he said sighing to your lips, his hands going around your body not allowing you to go apart from him, not that you wanted that anyways -I don’t know what I did to deserve you Y/N, but I… I love you so much jagiya, I wouldn’t change you, never-

[kimberlylam1997]

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When Do You Have Premature Ejaculation

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These include special condoms, delay sprays and delay premature ejaculation in the bed.Once you feel the urge to ejaculate it is a variety of kinds of treatments.Researchers have too found a couple of times, an act of preventing premature ejaculation.Take these supplements as prescribed by the condition as indeed can certain anti-depressants like those presented in this article from the condition known as retrograde ejaculation usually produce cloudy urine after sexual intercourse.Now you have already been taking libido boosting supplements.

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[datingadviceonreddit]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for four months, but we haven't even kissed or held hands yet. He's very awkward, so I'm afraid of making him feel uncomfortable, and I suspect that I'm his first proper girlfriend so I don't want to rush or pressurise him. I'm 24 and he's 19, and I feel like the age gap is very significant. I'm approaching the age where I'm looking for a proper adult relationship, but it feels like I'm dating a child sometimes. I thought that the age gap wouldn't be too much of an issue, but over time, his lack of experience has caused quite a few problems - both on a physical and emotional level, and I feel completely isolated and deprived of affection. I thought that things would improve if we were officially in a relationship, but we actually seem to be going backwards instead of forwards. I've never had to face this issue before, because literally every guy I've been with has been relatively forward and proactive about their physical or emotional interests in me, and I'm quite shy so I struggle with 'making moves' on people, especially if I have no idea if the other person even wants me to. His lack of experience means that I've deliberately taken things much slower than I usually would, but after four months, there's still not been any progression within any aspect of our relationship. I have no idea how to communicate my concerns, because he's already extremely sensitive and anxious, and the last thing I want to do is make him feel even more uncomfortable. I've posted this on a few different subreddits because I'd like as many perspectives and as much advice as possible really - so that I can get a general consensus as to whether I'm right or wrong to feel the way I do.I'm pretty sure that he's a virgin, whereas I'm five years older than him and have had many boyfriends in the past - two of which were incredibly abusive. I've been sexually involved with more than my fair share of people, whereas I get the impression that nobody has ever showed an interest in my boyfriend in that way, so I already feel like we're not on the same wavelength because we're both at very different stages in our lives. At first, I thought that it was sweet and slightly flattering that he was so inexperienced, and it was cute that he was moving so slowly with me, but there's such a thing as going 'too' slow. As time has gone by, our relationship just makes me feel more and more inadequate and anxious. We've been together for four months now, but we haven't kissed or even held hands yet. It says that we're in a relationship on Facebook so I'm not just imagining that it's something that it's not haha! Again, I know that he's not used to all of this, and I don't want to pressurise him, so I've been waiting for him to initiate things. I knew that it'd take time for him to adjust to dating, but I just feel like I'm wasting my time with him and I'm quickly losing interest.We haven't been on many dates - we see each other once every week or fortnight, but all we really do is walk around town for hours and end up in McDonalds, and as a 24 year old woman, I feel like I deserve a bit more excitement and sophistication than that. For our first ever date, he told me that we were going for a drink - I thought we might go to Starbucks or Costa, but he took me to the in-store cafe at Asda, where a pot of tea only costs £1, and I felt really overdressed and undignified. I felt so embarrassed and humiliated that I went home and lied to my Mum about where we'd gone together. It was also the most disgusting cup of tea I've ever tasted haha, but I plodded through because I genuinely enjoyed his company. There's nothing wrong with cheap dates, but I just want to date someone who I can have fun with, but hanging out with my boyfriend feels more like a chore - it's something that I just tolerate because I feel like it's more of an obligation than anything else.He invited me to go for a meal on Valentine's day - it turns out that we were going to Pizza Hut, which was an anti-climax and disappointing to say the least. He even kicked up a fuss about spending £1.99 on dessert, even though I offered to pay, and I just felt really cheap and not very special at all. He also tried to convince me to order from the kids menu. We were surrounded by 12 year olds on their first ever dates, and it was just really awkward and I felt a little bit humiliated. I thought that we'd definitely kiss on Valentine's day, but he could barely manage an awkward hug as we said goodbye. He gave me a single bar of dairy milk chocolate for Christmas, whereas I spent quite a lot of money and put a lot of thought into my gifts for him. I've visited his house a couple of times, but all we did was sit in his lounge and talk to his parents about the war for six hours. His cat was sick on me, and my boyfriend's initial reaction was to run away in disgust instead of helping to clean it up. When I'm around his house, he never says a word to me, and he sits at the opposite end of the room, so it feels more of an interrogation than anything else. He invited himself over to my house a few weeks ago - and again, I thought we'd probably kiss if we were in private - but all he did was sit awkwardly on the very edge of my bed for an hour, before his parents randomly turned up to take him home.We've never even come close to a kiss, and I feel like it's too late and the time has passed now anyway. I've waited for four months and I feel like I'm wasting my time. I've made it really obvious that I like intimacy, but he's expressed no interest at all in any sort of physical or emotional closeness. He avoids acknowledging any comments regarding kissing, sex, or other signs of affection - he seems to get very flustered and changes the subject immediately. It's reached a point where I feel like I can't totally be myself around him, because I like to make 'controversial' jokes or comments about sex etc, but obviously I can't when I'm around him, and I feel like I have to be careful about what I write on social media in case he reads too much into things.I don't even remotely feel like he's my boyfriend - it feels like we're just friends, but with this very awkward tension between us. We awkwardly hug once when we say hello, and once when we say goodbye - other than that, we barely even graze elbows. He very rarely compliments me, and we don't even talk most days, so we're not even close on an emotional level. He's had a few bad days over the last four months, but he never opens up to me. He goes silent whenever he's upset, even though he knows that I'm there for him and that he can talk to me about anything. There's no romance or intimacy whatsoever, and it's starting to affect my confidence and self-esteem. I'm also starting to resent the fact that I wake up early and spend ages getting dressed up just to go to McDonalds and watch him eat a Happy Meal (I'm a vegetarian so McDonalds is wasted on me haha). I used to be really excited about seeing him, but over the past few months, I've begun to enjoy his company less and less, and I'm now actively putting off dates because I find them/him so boring and I'm really confused about our relationship.I've been in two long-term abusive relationships in the past which have really knocked my confidence, so intimacy is a bit of an issue with me anyway - I'm used to the guy making the first move, and I know how anxious he must feel, so I've basically been waiting for him to be ready, but I can't wait forever. I have no idea where I stand with him, how he feels about me, and what he wants from a relationship. Whenever we meet, he always has to leave at 4pm so that he can get home and feed his cat haha! I was meant to be meeting him in town the other day, but there was a storm outside so I waited in a cafe - I told him where I was and all he said was: "ok okay", then I saw him walk past the window whilst he was pretending that he wasn't in town. I bumped into him in town again today, and he could barely make eye contact with me and seemed in a rush to get going. His emotional maturity, social interactions, interests and behaviour are the same as mine when I was 13 or 14, and subsequently, it feels like I'm dating a child sometimes.It just feels like he's way too inexperienced, and I already feel really weird about the age gap etc. I really don't want to end up resenting him for wasting my time, and I don't want to carry on seeing him whilst I have all of these doubts in my head. Bless him, he's absolutely clueless when it comes to dating - I thought that it was cute at first, but it quickly became quite stressful and overwhelming. He doesn't seem to be aware of a lot of very standard and basic etiquette, and I appreciate that he has a lot to learn, but I'm really not at a stage in my life where I have the time or energy to teach a guy how he should treat a girl etc. I've been in that situation before and it was exhausting. I knew that he was inexperienced before we started going out, so I didn't expect much, and there've been a lot of times when I overlooked his behaviour because of this, but it's really started to feel a bit ridiculous and I feel unwanted and trapped. I think he'd be better suited for a girl who also hasn't had much dating experience so that it'd be a bit more equal and balanced.I genuinely like this guy - we have a lot in common, and I'm sure he's lovely and I'm quite attracted to him, but I can't help but feel like something is very off. I really liked him at first, but now I feel like the opportunity and the spark have gone. I guess I'm just not into him as much as I originally thought I was, but I still feel really guilty about it. Our relationship is pretty much non-existent - we might as well just be friends. The whole situation is so awkward and confusing that I now feel incredibly anxious from something so minor as receiving a text from him. I know that this is his first proper relationship so I'm really scared to hurt his feelings, but I just find myself avoiding him nowadays. I've cancelled our last three dates, mostly because I've been trying to work out what I should do or say to him. I'm probably pushing him away because I know that I need to break up with him, but I'm really worried about how he'll react, and I'd rather let him down gently. If the situation were a bit different, and maybe if he was a bit older and slightly more experienced then I'm sure it would have worked out a lot better. I feel much lonelier now than I ever felt when I was single. I feel like I'm tied down to someone who can barely even hug me, and I know it's awful of me, but I'd rather be single and have the freedom to do my own thing and not feel quite so trapped. I have no idea how I should discuss all of this with him as he's very sensitive - I'm worried that he'd just crumble at the first hurdle - but I feel like breaking up would be the fairest thing for both of us.Update: Thank you so much for all of the wonderful advice that I've been given - it genuinely means a lot, and I'm taking all of your comments on board. I'm definitely planning to break up with him within the next couple of days, but I have no idea how I should handle it. His anxiety is so intense that he becomes physically unwell whenever he's upset, so I feel like doing it in person would just make things worse for him. I don't know whether I should tell him the whole truth as to why it isn't working for me, or whether I should fob him off with the whole "it's not you, it's me" line. I know that it's going to really affect his mental health, and I'm really going to struggle coping with the guilt of having hurt him.TL;DR - I've been with my boyfriend for four months, but we haven't even kissed or held hands yet. He's five years younger than me, and I'm certain that he's a virgin so I've been trying not to rush or pressurise him, but there's no physical or emotional affection whatsoever between us. He's an extremely sensitive and anxious person and I'm terrified of hurting him, but I've lost interest in being in a relationship with him. I don't know what to do or how I'm supposed to feel. via /r/dating_advice

[datingadviceonreddit]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for four months. We never really do anything together, and he's very awkward so I'm afraid of making him feel uncomfortable, and I suspect that I'm his first proper girlfriend so I don't want to rush or pressurise him. I'm 24 and he's 19, and I feel like the age gap is very significant. I'm approaching the age where I'm looking for a proper adult relationship, but it feels like I'm dating a child sometimes. I thought that the age gap wouldn't be too much of an issue, but over time, his lack of experience has caused quite a few problems. I can't really talk to anyone about this, so I'm posting here mainly so that I can get a general consensus as to whether I'm right or wrong to feel the way I do.I'm pretty sure that he's a virgin, whereas I'm five years older than him and have had many boyfriends in the past, so I already feel like we're not on the same wavelength there, and that we're both at very different stages in our lives. I'm starting my own business. He just dropped out of uni and is on jobseekers. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it means that our ambitions and lifestyles tend to clash a little bit. At first, I thought that it was sweet and slightly flattering that he was so inexperienced, and it was cute that he was moving so slowly with me, but there's such a thing as going 'too' slow. When I met him, I didn't want to be in a relationship as I'd only just left my abusive ex, but I agreed because I really liked him, but as time has gone by, our relationship just makes me feel more and more anxious.We've been together for four months now, but we haven't kissed or even held hands yet. It says that we're in a relationship on Facebook so I'm not just imagining that it's something that it's not haha. Again, I know that he's not used to all of that, and I don't want to pressurise him, so I've been waiting for him to initiate things. I knew that it'd take time for him to adjust to dating, but I just feel like I'm wasting my time with him and I'm quickly losing interest - I'm almost looking for excuses as to why we shouldn't be together. We haven't been on many dates - we see each other once every week or fortnight, but all we really do is walk around town for hours and end up in McDonalds, and as a 24 year old woman, I feel like I deserve a bit more excitement and sophistication than that.We met on Tinder. For our first ever date, he told me that we were going for a drink - I thought we might go to Starbucks or Costa, but he took me to the in-store cafe at Asda, and I felt really overdressed and undignified. I felt so embarrassed that I went home and lied to my Mum about where we'd gone together. It was also the most disgusting cup of tea I've ever tasted haha, but I plodded through because I genuinely enjoyed his company. There's nothing wrong with cheap dates, but I just want to date someone who I can have fun with, but hanging out with my boyfriend feels more like a chore at the moment - something that I just tolerate because I feel like it's more of an obligation than anything else. As time has gone on, I've started to enjoy his company less and less, because we have the same meaningless conversations every time we see each other, and it feels like there's no progression at all.He invited me to go for a meal on Valentine's day - it turns out that we were going to Pizza Hut, which was an anti-climax and disappointing to say the least. He even kicked up a fuss about spending £1.99 on dessert, even though I offered to pay, and I just felt really cheap and not very special at all. He also tried to convince me to order from the kids menu. We were surrounded by 12 year olds on their first ever dates - we were literally the oldest people there - and it was just really awkward and I felt a little bit humiliated. I thought that we'd definitely kiss on Valentine's day, but he could barely manage an awkward hug at the end of the day. He gave me a single bar of dairy milk chocolate for Christmas, whereas I spent quite a lot of money and put a lot of thought into my gifts for him. I visited his house a couple of times, but all we did was sit in his lounge, talking to his parents about the war for six hours. He didn't say a word to me, and he sat at the opposite end of the room, so it felt more of an interrogation than anything else. He invited himself over to my house a few weeks ago - and again, I thought we'd probably kiss - but all he did was sit awkwardly on the edge of my bed for about an hour, before his parents randomly turned up to take him home.We've never even come close to a kiss, and I feel like it's too late and the time has passed now anyway. I've waited for four months and I feel like I'm wasting my time. I don't even remotely feel like he's my boyfriend - it feels like we're just friends, but with this very awkward tension between us. It definitely feels very far from a proper adult relationship. We awkwardly hug once when we say hello, and once when we say goodbye - other than that, we barely even graze elbows. He very rarely compliments me, and we don't even talk most days. He's had a few bad days over the last four months, but he never opens up to me. He goes silent whenever he's upset, even though he knows that I'm there for him and that he can talk to me about anything. There's no romance or intimacy whatsoever, and it's starting to affect my confidence and self-esteem. I'm also starting to resent the fact that I wake up early and spend ages getting dressed up to just go to McDonalds and watch him eat a Happy Meal (I'm a vegetarian so McDonalds is wasted on me haha). I used to be really excited about seeing him, but for the past month or so, I've actively been putting off dates because I find them so boring and I'm really confused about our relationship.I've spent the past three months trying to hint to him that I'd like some sort of romantic/physical intimacy in our relationship, because I'm too shy to initiate it myself, but I'm starting to feel like maybe he's just not attracted to me. I also don't want to make him do anything that he isn't ready for, so I'm basically waiting for him to make a move, but four months feels like long enough. I've been in two long-term abusive relationships which have really knocked my confidence, so intimacy is a bit of an issue with me anyway - I'm used to the guy making the first move, and I know how anxious he must feel, so I've basically been waiting for him to be ready, but I can't wait forever. I have no idea where I stand with him, how he feels about me, and what he wants from a relationship. Whenever we meet, he always has to leave at 4pm so that he can get home and feed his cat haha! I was meant to be meeting him in town the other day, but there was a storm outside so I waited in a cafe - I told him where I was and all he said was: "ok okay", then I saw him walk past the window whilst he was pretending that he wasn't in town. I bumped into him again today, and we both seemed to be in a rush to get away from each other, and I had a panic attack afterwards. It just feels childish and I think we both know that something's not right here.It just feels like he's way too inexperienced, and I already feel really weird about the big age gap etc. I've dated a lot of very immature guys in the past, and I'm scared that this guy may end up falling into the same category. I really don't want to end up resenting him for wasting my time, and I don't want to carry on seeing him whilst I have all of these doubts in my head. Bless him, he's absolutely clueless when it comes to dating - I thought that it was cute at first, but it quickly became quite stressful and overwhelming. He doesn't seem to be aware of a lot of very standard and basic etiquette, and I appreciate that he has a lot to learn, but I'm really not at a stage in my life where I have the time or energy to teach a guy how he should treat a girl etc. I knew that he was inexperienced before we started going out, so I didn't expect much, and there's been a lot of times when I overlooked his behaviour because of this, but it's really started to feel a bit ridiculous and I feel trapped. I think he'd be better suited for a girl who also hasn't had much dating experience so that it'd be a bit more equal and balanced. I feel really old in comparison to him - almost 'mothering' - and I feel like I'd come across as patronising if I tried to correct his behaviour or tell him what to do.I genuinely like this guy - we have a lot in common, and I'm sure he's lovely and I'm very attracted to him, but I can't help but feel like something is a bit off. I really liked him at first, but now I feel like the opportunity and the spark have gone. I can only see us having a platonic relationship from now on. I guess I'm just not into him as much as I originally thought I was, but I feel really guilty about it. Our relationship is pretty much non-existent - we might as well just be friends. The whole situation is so awkward and confusing that I now feel incredibly anxious from just receiving a text from him. I know that this is his first proper relationship so I'm really scared to hurt his feelings, but I just find myself avoiding him nowadays. I've cancelled our last three dates, mostly because I've been trying to work out what I should do or say to him. If the situation were a bit different, and maybe if he was a bit older and slightly more experienced then I'm sure it would have worked out a bit better. I feel much lonelier now than I ever felt when I was single. It makes me feel physically unwell to think about the situation - because I do genuinely like him, but it's just not the right time. I feel really guilty because I don't want to hurt him, but I don't even feel like I'm in a relationship - I feel like I'm tied down to someone who can barely even hug me, and I know it's awful of me, but I'd rather be single and have the freedom to do my own thing and not feel quite so trapped. I feel like we probably want very different things from a relationship, and we're both at very different stages in our lives, so right now, I can't see how it's going to work. I have no idea how I should discuss all of this with him as he's very sensitive - I'm worried that he'd just crumble at the first hurdle - but I feel like breaking up would be the fairest thing for both of us. via /r/dating_advice