#sometimes i dont be posting my art bc im shy and stupid

[phagi]

post girl

[sluckythewizard]

BUT IM NOT A WRITER. something strange possessed me to write my first proper fanfic in maybe a decade. be niceys to me but also grill me so i can get stronger. this one is a stupidly self indulgent bit between Soda and Emizel, a day or so after emizel was sired. CW for gore descriptions, but thats about it i think. image below is a snippet of the start. the rest of the whole dang thing will be under the cut. ive never posted fanfic ever in my life. read my tags for secret behind da scenes commentary

"Oh shit… I think hes dead…" It was another night, another patrol, another fight, and another win, for Emizel and Soda.

Under moonlight, under street light, under interwoven wires above, the two stood here in a quiet and damp alleyway. The air was drenched with the smell of a previous rain, and the puddles of said storm remain huddled in corners and pot holes.

One splashed as soda found himself stepping forwards into one. The residual adrenaline of the fight had left his body shaking, his heart still pounding, his wounds still throbbing. They had still won; or more-so, Emizel had won. A particularly nasty blow to the side had Soda reduced to the side lines for most of the fight, left to watch as his newly vampiric comrade had absolutely eviscerated the competition.

Emizel had only been turned a day ago, but it was impossible not to notice how it had changed him. He already acted so goddamn confident, so on top of the world, and this newfound power, newfound speed and strength, only built upon his insane ego.

The Fangs that they encountered here on this night stood no fucking chance. Emizel was too quick, too strong, and he easily chased off the rivals. It was only now, as the final unfortunate opponent had turned to flee, a clean clock in the jaw sent the human tumbling to the ground with a dull thump, and it did not move afterward.

Soda shifts his shoe out of the puddle, the cold seeping into his sock being one of the few things keeping his mind in his body in the moment. Is the guy breathing?

A low laugh bleeds from Emizel as he stretches his arms, licking his sharpened teeth as he stares off in the direction the remaining Fangs went. Soda knew that look on his face, the look of a tiger pondering on its next kill, he knew well that Emizel wanted to chase them.

But the guy on the ground.. It was one punch to the face, and the wicked crack sound that came from it had planted a seeding dread within Sodas chest.

As he steps forward, around the puddle, the resulting sound made Emizels attention click back over to Soda, the snap of his gaze making Soda flinch.

The two lock eyes, and Soda weakly gestures to the limp body on the floor. "The uh.. I think.. Is that guy dead?" He finally asks, having a hard time keeping contact with Emizels intensely red eyes.

Emizel turns his attention to said body, tilting his head as he goes to kick at the thing, turning it over. "Man no way hes dead, I punched him once." He mutters.

"Well, yeah, but his head almost twisted all the way around when you did.." Soda steps up to stand beside Emizel, the two boys standing with their hands in their pockets, down at this unfortunate, limp body.

"Should we hide it?" Soda asks, glancing back over at Emizel, who had.. An odd look on his face. He was clearly pondering something, but Soda could only guess whatever was going on in that brilliant head of his. He knew and trusted that Emizel was smart. If anyone could figure out what to do about this, it would be him.

But the lack of an answer had anxiety chewing at the back of Sodas rib cage, and after a second, he speaks up again, compelled to fill what he perceived as a tense silence. "Like.. I dunno, I've never uh... killed a guy..." He shrugs, prompting Emizel to let out a big sigh.

"He's not dead man, just out fuckin cold." Emizel kneels down next to the body, putting an ear up to its chest, and pondering on that for a moment. An uncertainty twists his expression, as he decides to instead place a hand on the victims throat, checking for a pulse. A moment passes, and seemingly finding nothing, he pulls back.

"Uh... Okay, so he might be dead."

Something about the confirmation from Emizel made a shiver run up Sodas spine. That, or maybe it was just the breeze agitating the cold water in his shoe.

"Huh… Damn.." Was all that Soda could really get to leave his mouth. Which was hardly a splash compared to the torrent that was slowly churning in his head. They just killed a guy. Or, Emizel just killed a guy. And it was so easy. They had to hide the body now, right? That was the usual progression here? Getting caught for murder was way more extreme than getting caught for breaking mailboxes with soda cans. It was so, so disturbingly easy. It really was just one punch. It's not like the Fangs are weak by any means, so just one punch? And this guy is dead? Forever?

Or, perhaps by human means, their rivals were fairly tough. But Emizel was on a whole other level. No mortal could stand up to him now...

"Hey, are you okay?"

The question had pulled Soda back from his head, his gaze flicking back over to Emizel, who was looking up at him with those eerie, piercing red eyes. Soda felt another shiver.

"Uh, ieah man, I'm all good." Soda nods, swallowing down whatever anxiety was bubbling up in his throat.

But Emizel didn't seem satisfied by his answer, standing back up and staring down his human comrade. Soda couldn't meet his eyes, his gaze instead traveling downward, and pausing on Emizels red, cut-up shirt. There was something off about the color, the way it seemed darker in some spots, brighter in others.. Wait, wasn't Emizel wearing a white shirt before all this?

The vampire boy seems to pick up on Sodas expression, following his eyes down to his shirt. "Oh, yeah! While you were on the floor, the knife guy got me a little" He says, a stupidly simple smile on his face. Soda was about to let out a laugh at how unbothered his friend seemed by it, but it gets caught in his throat when Emizel goes to pull his shirt up.

The sound of the bloodied fabric peeling away from skin made Sodas own skin crawl, but that wasn't nearly as bad as the sight of the intense gash running from his collar bone, down to his stomach.

"Oh, fuck dude!" Soda gasps, but Emizel laughs it off. Even despite knowing Emizel well, Soda was still surprised by just how much Emizel could shrug off. "Shit, doesn't that hurt, dude?"

"Oh yeah this fucking hurts!" he says with a laugh, his smile big and toothy and proud as he presents this egregious wound. Swollen and angry, pulsing with a slow heartbeat, and still oozing with thick, dark blood.

The sight of the split flesh, and the glints of bone beneath the dark, dark red all tugged at Sodas gag reflex, and yet he couldn't pull his eyes away. So Emizel's just been walking and talking so normally this whole time with his chest just cleaved wide open? Soda felt just as impressed as he felt horrified.

It wasn't until Emizel reaches down to poke at the abhorrent wound that Soda snaps out of it. Watching his friend press his fingers into the bloodied flesh, and slowly pulling it apart, allowing more ichor to seep from the gash, it was too much to watch at this point.

Soda reaches up to put a hand on Emizels wrist, the vampire boy stopping, and looking up at his friend.

Soda found himself freezing again when he locks eyes with Emizel. He was going to say something now, right? "U-uhm.." Is all he really chokes out, giving Emizels wrist a gentle tug. "D-do you. Uh. I suppose a hospital Isn't a place you can go anymore..?"

Emizel just smirks at that, letting Soda pull his hand away from the wound. "Oh, yeah no, but it's fine. I mean, I don't think it's gonna kill me" He shrugs. It was so, so impressive just how unphased Emizel was by all this. Fuck he's actually so cool.

"Well yeah man but it's like, still a bleeding hole. Like you're soaked in blood dude, I'm pretty sure that even a vampire needs that stuff on like, the inside." Soda rubs the back of his head, still unnerved by the sight of it all. "Vampires have like, super healing, don't they?"

"Oh yeah like, regeneration powers. I know I heal faster sometimes but I dunno how to just, activate it on command.." Emizel hums, his eyes narrowing down at his own injury, as if trying to will it into mending. Soda looks away, unable to watch that vile gash ooze any longer.

"I dunno man, how do they do it in like, video games?" Soda tosses the question out, trying to click together some sort of solution in his own head.

"Uhhh.. Huh, video games.." Emizel repeats to himself, chewing on the thought while idly poking at the laceration; until an idea audibly flickers to life in his head. "Oh, I just gotta refill my blood meter. Or whatever."

"Oooh yeah, blood meter!" Soda perks up, "Of course, see this is why you're the brains, man" Soda smiles, glancing back over to his cool friend, but immediately needing to look away again when the sight of that egregious gash tugs bile back into his throat.

While Soda averts his eyes, Emizels eyes wander back over to the body, and that classic 'Emizel has a bad idea' smile creeps across his face.

"Well, if this guys dead, I'm sure he's not gonna need all that blood.." He grins, kneeling down next to the body again.

The word 'wait' had hardly gotten the chance to crawl from Sodas mouth, before Emizel lifts up the arm of the unfortunate body, pulling the sleeve back, and immediately sinking his teeth into the exposed wrist.

The sound and the sight of blood gushing around Emizels teeth made Soda cringe, his hand impulsively coming up to aide his own wrist. An empathetic phantom pain made his wrist ache, his imagination simulating the feeling of shark teeth cutting into skin, sinking deep into the flesh, and clacking against bone. That was a lot of blood, that was streaming down the arm of this fodder.

A low growl bleeds from Emizel as he adjusts his teeth, cutting into more flesh, opening the wound further, and allowing a pulsing torrent of red to stream down his chin, onto his coat. It was an annoying thing, to clean blood out of clothing. Most of the Demons deemed it easier to just let the stains remain. But the night that Emizels throat was torn open, and liters upon liters were granted freedom from his human form, the unbelievable mess had practically changed half the color of Emizels iconic coat.

That was the first time Soda had ever seen that much blood from one person. And well. This would probably be the second.

The sight was unnerving, but it was impossible to look away. The alley was quiet, save for the distant bustle of a distant city, which made the noisy squish and squelch of teeth gnawing on flesh all the more apparent and nauseating.

Emizel had become a monster for sure, and watching it feed on something was… thrilling, in a way. It reminded Soda of feeding a pet spider, or lizard. A mouse for a snake.

It's a heavy thing to witness, the end of a human life. The fear of death is a primal thing, and Soda was no different from any other living thing. He figured everyone else feared death just as much as he does. Well, maybe except for Emizel, of course.

It made sense. Emizel was such a cocky and noisy kind of guy, but hes always had the power to back it up. Even when he lost, or seemed at his lowest, Soda still saw this sort of fire in him, one that Soda admired.

Of course Emizel would be the one to become something like a vampire. Something that Soda had always figured was just a fantasy creature thing. He wondered; if vampires were real, what else was real? Werewolves? Zombies? Unicorns? Are there real demons? Like from hell? Is hell real? Is he going to hell?

The sudden ttteeeeaaaaarrrr of flesh rips soda from his wandering thoughts. Emizel was tugging his head away from the arm of his kill, his teeth clamped down into the chewed meat, and pulling it apart. Soda had seldom seen so much of the inside of a human arm, and the sight of spilling threads and squirming veins was hardly something he ever wanted to stomach again.

"Oh fuck, dude, hey-" Soda steps forward, raising a hand, but the way Emizel snaps his head back over to him, twisting to an unnatural degree, Soda cant help jolting back.

Reddened teeth glint menacingly in the low light, a threatening growl thundering from its clenched, dripping jaws. Emizels eyes were focused, yet wild, glowing with whatever light they could reflect.

Sodas eyes were wide, and his body was frozen in the thick, electric tension within the air. It was like staring down an angry dog.. Suddenly a light bulb in his head flickers to life. It was kind of like an angry dog, right? One hunched over a meal it didn't want to give up. Memories of old encounters and unfortunate dog bites resurface in Sodas head, and with that experience, and with those lessons learned, he gathers the courage to react.

He shuts his eyes, keeping them closed for a few seconds, as he slowly pulls back his arm, and slowly steps back. It was an eye contact thing, wasn't it? Eye contact makes dogs angry, right? That was how you dealt with an angry dog? As he pulls back, and takes in a breath for composure, he finally dares to peek at the angry vampire before him again.

Its snarling had died down, but its eyes were still trained intently on Soda. After a tense, and agonizingly, slow pause... It blinks back, lowering its head back down to its meal, but keeping its anxious stare on this potential threat.

A relieved sigh falls from soda as the tension finally melts. He didnt realize he was holding in so much of his breath. "O-okay, man.. It's yours, you uh.. Earned it.." Soda mutters, stepping back further, until he was standing in a sufficiently dry enough space to sit down in. Now that he wasn't standing, he was finally taking into mind just how much his hands were shaking.

It's odd. Soda couldn't really describe this feeling thrumming in his chest as something like fear.. Nausea? For sure. Disturbed and rattled? Oh absolutely. This was certainly a sight he would have a hard time scrubbing from his eyelids when he sleeps tonight. But he wasn't scared. The memory of the night that Emizel was sired still coated the inside of his mind like an unwashable film. Even in that moment, when the unnatural teeth from the unnatural maw of an unnatural thing hovered over his throat, he couldn't say with confidence that he was scared.

Emizel really is his best friend in the world. And he knows with his whole heart that Emizel feels the same. He knew and trusted that his best friend would never hurt him. Not too badly at least. He loves Emizel, and would give anything to support him.

Like a mouse to a snake.

This really is an incredible power that his comrade had come across, and Soda especially felt a sort of pride in his friend. He felt it was worth it to help him feed it.

The bile in his throat had made its point, and Soda agreed, that watching someone die, and get torn apart and drained might be too much for him. Despite how much he hated the Fangs, the end of any human life seemed like such a jarring thing. To have such an intense fear finally get confronted. Would he go to hell?

Maybe he couldn't just feed people to his friend. So an alternative could be donated blood, right? Soda wouldn't mind giving up something like blood. His body makes it for free, after all. Maybe some other Demons would agree to give up some blood too. But they shouldn't have to take on such a burden. Soda wouldn't mind being the only one. The only one. The only one.

His hand comes up to rub at his neck, as his imagination conjures up what it might feel like to have teeth sink into his flesh. He's been stabbed before, is that sort of what it would feel like? Would he have to get stitches? He didn't really want to get stitches, so maybe there could be a more effective way to get the blood out of him. And there was so much vital stuff in his neck too. There's' a vein that's safe to cut into somewhere, right? He would have to look that up later.

A STARTLING RINGING;

Splits the moment,

Prompting both Soda and Emizel to jolt in shock,

As the phone in Emizels pocket rings away.

Acting as if nothing abnormal had taken place, Emizel pulls out his phone, and answers it.

"Heyy, Johnny! Yeah we chased em off, I don't think those bastards will be infesting this street again anytime soon. Yeah, ieah we'll be heading back soon. Oh fuck yeah dude, save us some!"

Emizel covers the speaker of his Nokia, turning back to Soda with a big smile on his violently bloodied face. "They got some pizza waiting for us back home, dude!" he whispers out to him.

Soda does his best to crack a smile, and to suppress the look of unease that probably stained his face, as he stares at the literal murder scene that's been splattered about in front of him.

"Oh, yeah, hell yeah man.." He swallows down the bile again. "What kind of uh.. Soda did they get?"

Emizel ponders that, before turning back to the phone to ask Sodas question.

"Sprite and a big pack of that one strawberry mountain dew" Emizel tosses the answer back over to Soda, who gives a nod, and thumbs up.

Mountain dew is so neat, Soda really liked all the wacky flavors those guys come up with. The thought of going home and opening a can of soda was certainly a comfort. After witnessing all this blood and gore and viscera, Soda absolutely needed to get back home and get a nice cold glass of something bright red .

As Sodas mind wanders off to soda, Emizel wraps up the conversation on the phone, before hanging up, and standing up.

The movement had pulled Sodas mind back into the moment, enough for him to timidly voice a concern he's had since the start of this debacle.

"Uh, hey, so.. The body, should we… Uh.." He gestures vaguely to it, and Emizel grants it a nonchalant glance.

"Eh, I can toss it into a dumpster or something, I dunno. I'm sure its fine. I'll handle it."

The vampire boy goes to pick up the corpse, the wound in its mangled arm no longer even dripping with blood, the flesh pale from the absolute absence of red in its veins.

"Go ahead and meet me by that one mailbox, the one with the bullet hole in it." Emizel casually instructs, tossing the drained body over his shoulder. "I'll catch up."

"Uh, yeah, okay.." Soda musters up a nod, and the strength to rise back up to his feet, wincing as that bruise on his side makes itself loudly known again. He still felt anxious, but even despite it all, he knew he could trust Emizel to take care of things. He always does. "Just stay safe man, I'll see you there." Soda assures with a smile, and Emizel matches it, tossing him a wink. And then suddenly- -He's gone! If Soda had blinked he would've missed it, but he was fortunate enough to just barely catch the glimpse of Emizel darting off at an inhuman speed, probably looking for a place to dump the body. Right, he would take care of it. Emizel always makes sure his crew is taken care of. Well... Guess all that's left for Soda is for him to walk back to that meeting spot. He looks around the alley for a moment, taking in the sight of that enormous pool of blood in the middle of the concrete. Or whatever the floor of this alley is made from. He ponders on the present moment a little longer than he meant to, the shock of it all leaving him aimless for just a few, soothing moments of just, decompression. The night is quiet, vast, and cold, but the stresses of just the past 5 hours had left his body radiating with fiery aches and pains, so the chill of the occasional clawing breeze was welcomed. Except for when said breeze agitated the cold water still soaked into his sock. He should step in another puddle on his way back to even it out. The smell of rain still rested heavy in the air, heralding another storm on the horizon. There was that, and then, well, there was also the blood. The stench of it felt far too intense to just ignore it, the metallic miasma making itself maliciously unmistakable. Maybe the impending storm will wash this mess away... He looked forward to putting this unfortunate night behind him. With one last rattled, but deep breath, he stuffs his hands in his pockets, and turns away, strolling back over to the mailbox that Emizel had described.

He couldn't wait to get home and drink some soda with his friends.

[enden-k]

hey I think your art is awesome!

I do have a question, how do you keep it consistent when you draw so often? for me it feels like if I don’t spend a long time on one art it doesn’t fit with the rest TT and your art is very precise and all colored— it’s really cool to me! (Like I absolutely don’t mean it in a dang you don’t put work in way but in a wow that’s really precise for not a lot of time. Way)

it may be just like. A different art brain kinda thing but I was interested if you had any tips or like general idea? Orr maybe it’s just a lot of practice also lol. and u know you can always delete the ask if you don’t wanna answer, especially if you’ve already answered it somewhere I couldn’t find it, I will just say hi !:) I really think your art is very cool! sorry for the anon I am the Shy

im not rlly sure i understand the question, sorry im stupid.......i keep it consistent because i draw so often. when i dont draw for a longer period of time, i get out of shape easily and tend to hate whatever i draw bc it doesnt look "right" (= how it usually looks) to me. thats why i try to draw every day, depending on my time its just sketches up to the doodles i post here. and bc i draw so often, i got faster over time so thats why i can pump out lots of doodles a day sometimes (tho hyperfixations/brainrot also plays a huge part in that, like with exorcist au comics recently)

also bc i stopped trying to achieve perfection long ago, i used to do that, spent hours drawing and often overdid a piece and then ended up not liking it anymore lmao. i kinda prefer the sketchy look in my art

when i do pieces like that tho i take more time ofc. unfortunately, im a very lazy person by nature so i draw such pieces once in a blue moon

anw idk what kind of tips to give. this is just lots of practice and hyperfixations/obsessions as fuel kjbjk sorry if im no help

[cedobols]

heyo!! im so sorry about the twitter situation, its so disheartening to see people doing that :( as an artist myself (albeit i dont really post all that much) it makes me especially sad and i don’t doubt that situations like this are part of the reason why so many people shy away from posting their art online. same goes for writers. ofc i know these people just do it for attention and validation from equally shitty ppl but it just reminds me of why i dislike f1 twitter so much. i knowww its not everyone but its just very overwhelming sometimes.

artists, writers and other creators, from people who make gifs to graphic designers, are such a vital part of this community, and i hope every single one of them are aware of that!! u guys are all amazing honestly. ˘ ³˘

pls pls dont let these weirdos ruin your fun!! you’re definitely one of my favorite artists on f1blr, your drawings are so so cute and never fail to put a smile on my face :3 take care of yourself first always bom!!!<3 hugs to everyone, have a great weekend 💗🧸💗

many kisses to u dear anon >___< this is so sweet!!! and i agree....f1twt is a hot mess. its so important to remind creators that its stupid to listen to them :"0 it is very difficult to continue creating when this happens to you, i worry for my artist friends but im glad there's a loving community here to support them. ;;;;; my heart is full .. thank u for this im glad my art can make u smile thats amazing ;;

poor little meow meow for u bc im feeling bllleehhhggg n just wanna draw seb with cat ears

[fluttersheep]

@michaalien​ tagged me in this forever ago and im only just now getting to it fjdkjfsd

thank uu

What was the last thing you read? a pharmacy tech study guide ;;

Favorite movie? what we do in the shadows, lego movies, o brother where art thou, hot fuzz is a guilty pleasure

Favorite book? smoke gets in your eyes

Dream Date? visiting an animal sanctuary maybe. or a historical site. hiking somewhere beautiful. idk i have lots but as long as im with someone i love ill have just as much fun sitting on the couch

Do you have a crush? yeah im crushing pretty hard on @skeletonshades​ but dont tell her its a secret <3

What are your hobbies? drawing, going on long walks, crocheting even though its slow going, lying on the floor

What is your favourite time of day? morning time!

If you could look like anything, what would you look like? dont ask me this im dysphoric and have dysmorphia and poor self image dskfjlsdkfj, this is the only body i get im trying to accept it

Are you romantic?  ooooh just a bit :)

What’s your favorite type of weather? brisk and sunny 

What do you like talking about? idk. whatever im interested in at the time if someone is willing to listen

What are your turn ons? positivity, confidence, snappy dressing, willingness to help me break into a factory farm

Turn offs? selfishness, poor listener, giving money to the farm im trying to break into

If you got a tattoo what would it be and where would you get it? as soon as the seasons over and i can stand to spend a bit on it im still going to get that homo fuge tattoo

Do you have any pets? ms puppy daisy, although she lives with my parents

Dream job? my dream job is no job

honestly if i could work on a sanctuary part time and support myself thatd be perfect. helping animals, being just physically demanding enough to be satisfying, working outside.. wouldnt that be nice. stupid capitalism :(

Dream place to live? im always embarrassed to say places like scotland bc its so cliche but a little cottage in the country would be so nice ;; also like. free healthcare????

Dream vacation? germany or the czech republic

Do you have any piercings? just the one on the ears, im thinking of getting more higher up but im more of a tattoo person

If you had kids what would you name them? i dont know i dont plan on ever needing to know lol

What are your best traits? big heart

Worsts traits? big heart

What’s your worst fear? being alone, sudden deadly illnesses

What do you want to eat right now? its literally always sushi

What’s your best vacation you’ve ever been on? it wasnt really a vacation but i really enjoyed my recent trip to washington. the mountains were so beautiful

Favourite City? idk im not a city person. i havent been to many either. savannah maybe? and even then i still have a lot of issues with it haha

Favourite social media platform? i guess tumblr since its the only one i use. but only bc every other one is so much worse

Favourite article of clothing? my big black cardigan

Do you play sports?  id rather die thanks

Favourite meal of the day? i think breakfast? im always most hungry then so its extra satisfying. and its my biggest meal. its literally what gets me out of bed lol

What are you excited for? seeing my gf in january!!! <333

Not excited for? upcoming credit card bill :(

When was the last time you cried? this morning kdjflsdjk im going through a rough bit

Dream house? i answer this all the time! some kind of cute little place in the country

What’s something you hate about the world? theres a lot dont even get me started

ill just say. some peoples inability to respect animals at all

What’s something you love about the world? when humans are extremely compassionate and caring. i really want to think most people are inherently good deep down, we just live in a world thats been. structured poorly ig

What scents do you like? rose and peach and baked bread

What kind of sleeper are you? pretty good i think overall. i have some rough streaks sometimes but usually i get a good 7 hrs. i sleep really well this time of year when its cold and i have a heated blanket so that helps a lot

Are you a cat or dog person? i used to be a dog person until i worked in kennels (i still adore dogs dont get me wrong) and now i think im just a tiny bit more of a cat person. but i love them both so so much

How long would you survive in the zombie apocalypse? ten minutes?

Are you trusting? i try to be. i trust my friends a lot

What fictional character do you identify with? oh you know

What labels do you usually get? quiet and shy 

What song would be your life anthem? honestly nothing comes to mind and im too tired to go looking for a song ;;  ill keep you posted

What issues are you dealing with right now? i have so many and cant afford a therapist and im so mad abt it!!!!

How can someone win you over? forehead kisses wrist kisses cheek kisses nose kisses neck kisses just those small nice kisses always get me <33

also yeah $5000

What’s something about you people don’t know? i think my social security number is the only thing i havent shared here at least once

[6ad6ro]

how do u make friends and become a "personality" on tumblr? i dont mean being tumblr famous, im just pretty lonely. asking u since u seem to have a few

oh gosh i’m surprised you think of me as havin friends n bein a tumblr personality! that’s kinda a compliment so ty! tho lol i might not be as popular as u think tbh? tho i guess i have an okay number of followers and the ppl i’m close to on here are SO AWESOME n i love them? BUT OKAY! i’ll tell u how i went about makin friends on tumblr! btw don’t be afraid to dm me like i’ll be your friend! i’m super shy but like rly friendly so?? ANYWAYS here’s what i did:1. be yourself even if you think ppl won’t like you. you rly shouldn’t care about the ppl who don’t like u bc they’d prob never like you? and being urself helps you feel good about yourself and is REALLY attractive to ppl who might end up following you. be real. it’s your blog, so don’t, for example, let some mean anon tell u how to run your blog.2. that doesn’t mean being insensitive tho! i’m constantly tryin to be as fuckin nice as i can within reason. and oh yeah tag stuff like “flashing” or “nsfw” or “gore” etc even if you use custom tags (i use “h” for nsfw bc i don’t wanna get flagged lol). and don’t repost stuff on here without direct permission. it’s like stealing. and don’t delete captions off of original art (but u can remove a rebloggers captions all day).3. post your own “content” whether it be text posts or pictures u took or art u make or edits or finds off other sites! even if u think it’s too dumb, i promise u there’ll be a buncha ppl who will like it. i thought my gifs were trash and then one day one wound up on tumblr’s “radar’ (or whatev it used to be called). MAKE SURE U TAG YOUR POSTS. it’s fine to not tag reblogs unless they’re something ppl are sensitive about (flashing,gore). it’s fine to just reblog other’s stuff btw like ppl still love blogs like that (that’s most of tumblr tbh).4. your follower count doesn’t matter. the number of notes on posts you make don’t matter. it’s so easy to fall into viewing those numbers as a sign of “how cool u are/how much ppl like you”. don’t start posting things u don’t care about just bc u notice ppl like it. just be yourself. ppl will come anyways.5. talk to people. write little comments on ppls posts. respond to ppl. take the risk and direct message someone (be considerate tho. like if u have a crush on someone don’t open with “i wanna fuck u” lol). if you want friends, be friendly.6. THIS IS IMPORTANT THO. tumblr is easily the shyest community i’ve ever encountered. and this is coming from someone who has agoraphobia (or rather a fear of people). even if someone follows you back and likes all your posts… they might not respond to you. THAT DOESN’T MEAN THEY HATE U OR DON’T CARE. a lot of them just… can’t? ur msg very easily made them really happy. sometimes ppl like that just need time. i won’t lie, of the hundreds of ppl i’ve tried to start conv with? maybe only 10% of them even replied. if you’re like me the voice in ur head will tell you “oh they hate you you weirded them out ur awful”. ignore that dumbass voice. that 10% who responded? or responded later? are some of my best friends on here. IT’S ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT.take the risk. talk to people. rejection can hurt, but it’s just like a little scratch compared to the gushing wound we cause ourselves by not trying. see, look at this stupid long unintelligible post i just wrote. and i somehow still have a bunch of friends and followers? i’m a huge idiot, but turns out that everybody else is too thank god. so just be yourself and have fun!oh and it takes time btw. like i’ve been active on here since 2012 lol. give people time to find u and respond to you. hope it helped even if it was just a little!

[inkbrusher]

maybe it’s dramatic of me to say, but i often think i’m intrinsically lonesome by nature and am destined to stay that way.

i dont know what’s wrong with me, or if there is anything wrong with me, though i always feel like i’m cursed in that aspect... i feel like it’s impossible for me to get genuinely close with people. i am shy but i’ve learned to be personable to get by. but i dont know what it is i dont have that just does not allow me to make proper friends

i’m probably thinking about this a lot because lately i’ve just been so around people i wish i could be better friends with or seeing people be far more successful at making friends than me

namely my sister. i’m sure it’s evident i love her to pieces and i harbor no ill-will against her in any way, especially on this front, but it just strikes a cord with me to see her come into college and make so many friends immediately. even outside of that, in general she gets so along with people, far better than i ever could... anyone who gets to know both of us always ends up closer with her. its funny that people used to always say she was the shyer one. again i dont hate her or even dislike her for that but i can’t help but always just observe the difference between us and try to think about what is different with me. what am i missing

i suppose growing up with her, being so incredibly close, i felt maybe it was ok i was never really able to make friends bc i’d always have her. we’re always on the same page and sometimes i almost feel like we’re practically the same person. so to witness her excel at being so personable was just... made me realize it really is just me here. having these problems. my lack of competence in socializing is not exactly a universal experience

this isn’t all about my sister tho... its just a lot of that triggers these thoughts im having lately. watching her get along with people so well kills me bc i wish i could be like that. and then it makes me look at people i do talk to and wish i could do better with them. im a pretty low maintenance friend, though maybe too much so. ive grown away from people simply because i never initiated, and once they stopped, we never really reconnected. 

i think about this and i dont know if this is because of my lack of experience with having real friends or if the first few friend circles i had online were founded on such passive aggression that it enabled and fed my tendency to shy away from confrontation or even just outright communication, which is actually really important. i had messy falling outs about a year ago, just because i couldnt choose who to side with, and i feel perhaps that is still affecting me.

and maybe i feel like i can never have that because i felt i had friends in high school, a best friend, even, but the fact that i no longer keep tabs on any of them anymore speaks to that point. i see now that the best friend was only one because we shared most of our classes every year. we’d hang out yeah, but that started falling apart in our senior year, and by the end i’d heard about how many times she’d had big hangouts with our other friends without inviting me. i mean in the end i see i did not share much in common with any of these people but even so... she called me her best friend and pulled that stuff... i know that sounds like petty hs drama because it is, but it’s that stuff that’s become so rooted in me that i feel like i’m incapable of ever having or being a good close friend 

i am about to finish college and i haven’t made one real friend... by real friend i mean someone you go out of your way to hang out with... someone it doesn’t feel too painful to be one-on-one with... i have a lot of acquaintances tho. like im friendly enough with a lot of people, especially with animation floor people just bc im there so much and we all kind of assist each other, but i never hang out with anyone. a lot of them are friends, but i just feel strained with them. is it me? i think it is. i dont know why i can’t

four years of this has done its work on me, it really does drive me crazy at times. ive always been told ‘youll find your people!’ like in hs i looked forward to college for that but look where it’s left me... nowhere really. and then that goes back to seeing how my sister has had a completely different experience immediately coming into college so i know it is me

i’m a human being i crave social interaction yeah. i just want to know what its like to have that again. what is it like to have a real ass best friend??? to talk about stupid mundane shit like how was your day or literally anything. i hardly remember what it feels like to be so insync with another person on that level and yet i find myself missing having a feeling like that so bad... so so bad... i guess thats why i think about love so much too but thinking that far is laughable considering i am mediocre at just socializing

obviously ive supplemented this with my online presence... the reason i am Constantly online is obviously a testament to this. im lonely so i have to find a way to fill that in. ofc it’s been that much easier to make online friends but i still feel there’s an imbalance. for one, i know i’m hardly ever the one initiating. most of the ppl i talk to are ppl who talked to me first bc they got to know me thru my art (god knows where i’d be if i didnt have that thing going for me at least). i dont mean this to offend any of my online friends but i just think about how one sided even those friendships can be. i know i never initiate and i feel bad that i probably make it difficult for you. i just have no idea what to do anymore

and obviously this loneliness is why i post so much. why i wrote this whole god danged stream of consciousness for no reason. why i get so personal in posts or what have u. i got no one to talk to anymore or feel like anyone cares to listen and i feel like i can’t just use pals to ramble insecurities like this anymore and not give anything back... it’s not fair to them

but simultaneously i feel stuck in this limbo and as nothing has ever really gotten better as years go on, i feel i will be for the rest of my life