#sometimes family is you and your overemotional boyfriend

[osamusbigtits]

atsumu watches kiyoomi from the other room. kiyoomi jumped up when he got a phone call, speed walked to the kitchen, and answered.

atsumu didn't even get the chance to see who called. he can take a guess but the way kiyoomi's shoulders tense, drawing up to his ears. he takes a defensive tone, one atsumu usually hears during arguments. but this feels different.

kiyoomi's tense in a way that atsumu only saw during their high school years at the few training camps they attended together. shoulders hunched up, fists balled, permanent frown showing his displeasure. actually, kiyoomi's back was currently to atsumu, but atsumu could only assume kiyoomi's expression.

"no, father," kiyoomi says, louder than the rest of his words had been. "I'm not going." kiyoomi speaks more formally, like he used to before settling into msby. using titles he doesn't even bother to use with their coach or captain.

atsumu knows kiyoomi doesn't talk about family and atsumu never pushed. he understood having hard boundaries. but with how this conversation appears to be going, atsumu wonders if he should have been pushing all this time.

kiyoomi's shoulders slump after he gets off the phone, but the tension still remains. atsumu wonders if he should look away to give kiyoomi a moment to collect himself. but then kiyoomi turns to him.

atsumu watches as kiyoomi's defenses raise. the walls atsumu so skillfully snuck past are pushing him back out once again.

kiyoomi doesn't say anything as he walks to the kitchen. atsumu returns his gaze to the tv, although he can't remember what he put on. not that it matters right now.

steeling his own emotions, atsumu pushes himself off the couch. kiyoomi might not admit it, or even realize it, but he needs someone right now. and atsumu isn't going to let kiyoomi suffer in silence.

kiyoomi's back is to atsumu as he enters. his shoulders are tense once again. he stands in front of their keurig, most likely making himself a cup of tea. if atsumu had to guess, he'd say it's a peppermint tea because kiyoomi often uses it to calm himself.

"omi," atsumu says softly.

kiyoomi doesn't turn. he doesn't move except to continue his task of making his tea. an attempt to shut atsumu out.

luckily, atsumu is annoyingly persistent, as kiyoomi once put it.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop," atsumu continues. he opens one of the cabinets and pulls out the sugar for kiyoomi, setting it close on the counter. "but it is a small apartment." atsumu grabs a protein muffin he's recently been obsessed with and sits at the kitchen table.

kiyoomi hesitates before reaching to grab the sugar.

he takes a bite and gives kiyoomi a moment.

finally, kiyoomi turns to face atsumu. the smell of sweet, peppermint tea surrounds them. kiyoomi holds the mug with two hands, and he peers into the plain black mug instead of meeting atsumu's eyes.

"if you sit, we can talk about it," atsumu says. kiyoomi doesn't budge. "ah, I figured that'd be your response." no reaction.

maybe it's worse than atsumu thought. dry sarcasm usually makes kiyoomi fight a smile.

"we don't have to take about the phone call." atsumu takes another bite while kiyoomi seems to think it over. "I know family can be a tough subject."

kiyoomi scoffs.

atsumu fights his immediate response to argue. while atsumu is beyond lucky with his loving mother and supportive brother, atsumu still knows, full well, just how difficult family can be. both by experience and by others' experiences.

a breath. kiyoomi's just angry and needs someone to take it out on. atsumu's an easy target.

"I'm here for you, kiyoomi," atsumu says. he pulls at the wrapper of the muffin. "don't forget that."

kiyoomi stands still.

atsumu wants to scream and yell. it's what he'd do with osamu. force his brother into telling him what was going on. it's how he used to deal with kiyoomi.

but yelling and fighting makes things worse.

conceding, kiyoomi sits across from atsumu. he sets his mug on the table. "you're getting crumbs everywhere," kiyoomi mumbles.

atsumu rolls his eyes. "I'll clean them up."

kiyoomi stirs his tea. "thank you," he says even quieter than before.

they sit in silence for a moment. kiyoomi sipping his tea while atsumu finishes his muffin and then cleans uo the crumbs that bothered kiyoomi.

atsumu offers to make kiyoomi another cup before he sits back down but kiyoomi shakes his head.

the kitchen table isn't exactly where atsumu would like to have a conversation like this, especially since they don't even have food. however, he's pushed kiyoomi's boundaries enough as it is.

"my father called," kiyoomi says. his eyes stay fixated on the table. "he wanted to, um... to know my plans for the holidays."

"you're spending them with me," atsumu chimes in, unable to stop himself. he's excited, it'll be the first time kiyoomi spends a significant amount of time with his family.

kiyoomi allows a slight smile. "I know."

"sorry. you can continue." atsumu gives a nod. he's been pestering kiyoomi, and while kiyoomi is happy to come along, the most atsumu says about it, the more nervous kiyoomi gets.

kiyoomi takes a moment. "my family usually does a big thing the week before the new year. and I didn't go last year." atsumu nods. he remembers that kiyoomi was tense around that time and had spent a lot of time talking to komori on the phone. "my brother and sister covered for me. but I guess the truth came out that I had intentionally not attended."

with a sigh, kiyoomi's shoulders slump. "I don't want to go, atsumu." kiyoomi finally meets atsumu's eyes. atsumu's heart twinges at the ache and sadness and heartbreak in kiyoomi's eyes. "that's not my family. you are."

a lump grows in atsumu throat as tears build in his eyes. kiyoomi quickly diverts his gaze. "omi."

"don't cry."

atsumu lip quivers. "I'm your family?" his voice cracks. he can't help it.

"atsumu, please."

atsumu stands up and comes around the table. kiyoomi leans away when atsumu comes near, but doesn't push when atsumu hugs him.

"omi, I love you so you much!" atsumu kisses the top of his head.

kiyoomi frowns. but still, he says, "I love you, too."

[five-and-dimes]

As You Always Were

A very silly fic based on a convo I had with @gabessquishytum about Dream being an idiot but in a gender affirming way lol

Read on AO3

~~~~~~~~~

Hob felt like a teenager in a lifetime movie, but he was choosing to lean into it.

Gripping the bathroom sink with both hands, he stared himself down in the mirror. “You can do this,” he said to his reflection, “You deserve to live your truth. You love yourself. Even if things don’t go the way you want, you’ll survive it. You’re sexy and you know it.”

Nodding to himself, he turned away from the mirror and began pacing his flat, looking for anything left to clean or organize.

He was going to come out to his boyfriend today.

It had been two months since he and Dream became official. They had known each other in some capacity for much longer. They shared a lot of mutual friends, but for a long time Dream didn’t tend to join large group get-togethers, so Hob only saw him occasionally. Then this past semester they had both ended up in a class together for the first time. Despite studying vastly different subjects, this particular course was required and both had managed to miss it when they were underclassmen. And now, as they entered their final year of university, they both needed to complete it in order to graduate. Drawn to any remotely familiar face, they had sat together, and then started talking more, and then slowly fallen for each other.

The past months had been amazing, full of sweet dates and kisses and hand holding and Dream being nothing but understanding when Hob hesitated to go any farther. But Hob wanted to go farther, had been burning out of his skin with the need to touch every part of Dream and be touched in return.

He just… needed to let Dream know what to expect when he took his clothes off.

Stalking through the living room, he moved the books on his coffee table this way and that, as if it would make any sort of difference. It’s not like it was the first time Hob had let someone know he was a trans man. He’s had plenty of experience sharing that part of his life, with family, and friends, and hookups. It’s gone good, and bad, and all the levels in between.

So why was he so nervous about telling Dream?

He was being ridiculous. It’s not like he was worried about Dream hurting him or anything…

Groaning, he put his head in his hands and allowed himself to turn and flop face-down onto the couch. What a world he lived in, where he consciously felt grateful to not worry about being murdered. Sometimes he hated everything. 

With a sigh, he pushed himself up, shaking his head and aggressively re-fluffing the pillows he had flattened with his brief pessimism. He wasn’t going to think about the world right now. This was just about him and Dream and their relationship. And, optimism aside- even just being logical and realistic in a way he so rarely was- he didn’t think things would go badly, per say. Dream was gay, and had always been an open supporter and ally for the trans community. Worst case scenario, even if Dream decided he didn’t want to date someone with Hob’s body, he was certain they could remain friends.

Turning on his heel, Hob speed walked to the kitchen and began wiping down the counters for the third time.

Could they stay friends? He wanted to say yes, to say they could move on from this little bump in the road, but the truth was, even after such a short amount of time, if they broke up Hob would be heartbroken. He had fallen hard for Dream… could he really go back to being friends with him after knowing what it was like to kiss him and hold him? What if it was too much, hurt too badly to take that step back, and then he lost not only his boyfriend, but his best friend? And their lives were so entwined, they shared much of the same friend group, would he lose them, too? Choosing Dream over him because Hob was clearly the one being ridiculous and overemotional? 

Catastrophizing, a voice that sounded suspiciously like his therapist rang in his head.

He nearly jumps out of his skin at the tentative knock on his door, glancing at the clock to see that, yes, he has spent the entire morning worrying and fussing and it is in fact the time he asked Dream to come over. 

Hob honest to God straightens his shirt. As though that will help.

What does help is opening the door and seeing the subtle way Dream brightens. No matter how stoic he tries to be, Dream has always been terrible at hiding how very fond he is of Hob, something Hob is eternally grateful for. It’s nice to have the reassurance. Especially now.

“Hello Hob,” he smiles, giving him a quick peck as Hob gestures for him to enter. He takes two steps inside before halting, raising an eyebrow as he glances around Hob’s impeccable flat. He’s been here before, he knows this isn’t the usual state of things. “It seems you were productive today.”

Hob laughed nervously, which only made Dream turn his gaze to look at him curiously, “Ah, yeah, you know, the motivation just sort of hit, haha.”

Dream frowned slightly, “Are you alright?”

Nodding rapidly, Hob starts herding Dream into the living room, “Yeah, absolutely, I just-” Dream allows him to gently push him to sit on the couch, “I mean, I am fine, there’s just something I wanted to talk to you about,” he paces in front of Dream for a moment as his boyfriend’s head moves to follow him silently, “And it’s nothing bad. Or, or at least I don’t think it is. It just… it just is, y’know?” 

He turns back to look at Dream and finds him staring, blinking slowly in carefully reigned in confusion, “No. I don’t know. What’s going on?”

Hob released a shuddering breath, dropping down to sit a respectable distance away from Dream on the couch. “Okay, I…” Hob wrung his hands together, “I had a whole speech planned, but I didn’t write it down and now I can’t remember any of my talking points, so I… I’m just gonna say it.”

Dream nodded, brow furrowed in concern as Hob closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“I’m transgender.”

Even just saying the words made his chest feel lighter. It was out in the open now. Whatever happened, happened. 

And what happened was Dream reaching out to gently cover his tense hands with one of his own.

“Thank you for telling me.”

Opening his eyes, Hob looked over, and his breath caught in his chest at the soft smile Dream was giving him, the one he only showed Hob, “I know that must have been hard,” Dream continued, running his thumb over Hob’s knuckles, “thank you for trusting me with that.”

“So,” Hob’s voice was breathless, a smile slowly creeping onto his face, “So you’re okay with it?”

“Of course!” Dream took both of Hob’s hands into his, eyes wide and anxious in a way Hob had come to recognize meant he was afraid of being misunderstood, “Of course I’m okay with it! I’m sorry if I ever made you think I wouldn’t be. I l-...” He swallowed thickly, “I care about you so much, Hob. This doesn’t change that at all.”

Hob couldn’t help the warmth that spread through him at the cut off confession. Dream had warned him of his struggles with love, especially with “falling too fast”. Despite Hob reassuring him that Hob also had a history of falling far faster than some would deem reasonable, Dream still tiptoed around it, always wary of scaring Hob off. So it meant something that he had come so close to slipping.

“I care about you, too,” Hob leaned forward to press his forehead against Dream’s shoulder, letting out a relieved laugh, “God, I was so nervous!”

Dream pet his hair, “Understandable. I know it’s a big deal. But I promise you have nothing to worry about.”

For a few minutes they stay pressed together, Dream a comforting presence as Hob let the adrenaline bleed from him. When he finally pulled back, they smiled at each other. Before he had a chance to lean in to kiss him, Dream spoke again.

“So,” he tilted his head questioningly, “should I use she/her pronouns from now on?”

Hob could feel the record scratch in his brain. 

He opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. Shook his head, “What?”

Dream frowned, “I just meant in private. I wouldn’t change pronouns in public if you’re not ready for that. I’d never want to out you. Although I’d be more than happy to support you whenever you want to begin social transitioning.”

“Transitioning?” Hob was still waiting for his brain to restart. He felt like he was in the twilight zone. Dream was smart, Dream was studying astrophysics, there was simply no way-

“I’m sorry,” Dream bit his lip nervously, “I don’t mean to make assumptions. I just want to make sure that when we’re together I refer to you as you want. Would you prefer they/them? She/they?”

“What? No. What??” Hob shook his head rapidly as he realized that no, this wasn’t a dream, this was actually happening, “No, Dream, it’s the other way around!”

“...They/she?”

“No!” And even as he yelled the word, Hob’s face split into a grin and he burst out laughing. Dream blinked in confusion, looking like he didn’t know whether to be offended or not, and it only made Hob laugh harder.

“Dream, babe, sweetheart,” Hob gasped for breath, trying to pull himself together and failing, “I’m a trans man! I’ve already transitioned, that’s what I was trying to tell you!”

For a moment Dream just stared, blinking slowly like a cat. Like a particularly dumb orange cat.

“... He/him, then?”

All Hob could do was keep laughing. 

Slowly, Dream began to giggle too, which only made Hob laugh harder, which made Dream laugh, and the vicious cycle continued until they were both doubled over with tears on their faces.

“You are the smartest person I know, how are you such a himbo?” Hob exclaimed.

“Shut up!” Dream shoved him playfully, “I was being supportive!”

Hob couldn’t resist. He threw himself forward, tackling Dream back onto the couch, allowing himself to lay on top of him as he kissed him clumsily, barely suppressing his grin enough to press their lips together, “God, I love you so much.”

A laugh caught in Dream’s throat, his eyes widening. Hob doesn’t want to pressure him, so he smiles, leaning in to rub their noses together, coaxing a soft giggle from him. He just wants to make him comfortable in the wake of a confession that he knows is a lot for Dream, he’s not expecting anything back right now.

He thinks maybe it’s that sentiment that allows Dream to look up at him and reply, “I love you, too.”

“Yeah?” Hob grinned, leaning back so he is sitting up and stradling Dream’s hips, “Even though- and I can’t believe I have to say this outloud but now I have to make absolutely sure you understand- I have a cunt?”

Dream sputtered, face flushing at Hob’s bluntness. And yet, even as he pouts, he nods, “Yes. I love you, however you are.”

“You would love me if I was a worm?” Hob teased.

Dream nodded solemnly, replying completely seriously, “I would love you if you were a worm.”

Hob’s grin softened, and he leaned down to kiss Dream again.

And then, feeling bold and brave and loved, he grinned mischievously.

“I hope you know I’ll be telling this story at our wedding.”

(Years later, Hob will end the story by telling their guests about how Dream smacked him in the face with a pillow.)

[imaginedanganronpa]

Valentine’s Day with the NDRV3 Boys!

I know this is a little bit late, but I had plans of my own the the 14th and I still wanted to do a little something cute for Valentine’s Day. They’re just Drabbles, but I hope you enjoy this anyway!

Saihara Shuichi

During the past few weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, Saihara would talk about how he didn’t really see a point in the Holiday - how you should always show your partner that you love them, regardless of the day.

But secretly, he’s overflowing with excitement! He can’t wait to spend your first Valentine’s Day together and shower you in love. Saihara is undoubtedly a hopeless romantic when it comes to this sort of thing, but he doesn’t want to downplay your normal dates.

He goes overboard with your gifts and plans as well because he’s been getting everything together for weeks. 

Saihara has scheduled dinner, your date, your gifts, the house decorations, and what he’s going to say to you when you wake up - everything has been set aside and perfected well in advance.

When you wake up, Saihara would already be waiting patiently. As soon as he sees you stirring, he’d start covering you in kisses and whispering a lovely, “Happy Valentine’s Day, hun,” into your ear. Afterwards, he’d bring you breakfast in bed and a bouquet of roses to start off your morning.

Saihara spends the whole day with you. He soon realizes that, although this may be just like any other day, it feels more special than average and he starts to understand the hype around today.

He drowns you in compliments and you two get ready at the same time - showering together, then getting dressed-up for the date night he’s planned. It honestly makes you feel a little bit bad since you toned down your own gifts and plans since you thought Saihara wouldn’t be as into it as you are, but he’s done quite the opposite.

Afterwards, he’d take you to your favorite restaurant, pieced together with candles on the table and another vase of roses to set the mood. And after dinner, he’s planned to walk along a river hand-in-hand, just to take in the sights and romantic setting, and to have a little bit more privacy with you.

Honestly, Saihara is quite nervous and flustered all day. He’s definitely not used to this sort of thing and it’s all new to him, but there’s no one else he would rather spend today with.

“I can’t wait to celebrate every year with you,” he says lovingly as you stand on the pier overlooking the water; he gazes into your eyes and whispers, “Will you be my forever-Valentine?” before placing a gentle kiss on your lips, smiling into the embrace.

Ouma Kokichi

Well, Valentine’s Day with Ouma is a bit unpredictable. 

He would forget about the Holiday until the very last minute and then rush to try to get you a nice gift; he has a bad habit of doing this, though. He would glance at the calendar the night before, remembering what tomorrow was and sending himself into a panic.

On February 14th, he would pretend to be a little bit oblivious just to put you over the edge. “What do you mean, (Y/N)? Today isn’t a Holiday! Are you pranking me?” He asks with a teasing, childlike tone; this is kind of his cover for forgetting, though.

Because Ouma has a bad habit of putting things off until the night before and forgetting to make any special arrangements or plans, you have to have an at-home date since everywhere else is already overbooked with reservations. 

You two end up spending the day cuddling on the couch and watching cheesy, romantic movies. He would burst into sudden, random fits of sobbing that were so obviously fake, crying crocodile-tears at the cliche films.

Ouma would continue with his ruse of pretending like he didn’t know what today was for several hours, then surprise you with a big bouquet of roses and your favorite sweets, bombarding you with love and compliments.

He was excited but he’d never admit to it; he was giddy like a little kid and bouncing with joy at the thought of getting to spend Valentine’s Day with you, for the first time ever!

He surprised you with how romantic he could be when he got serious. Ouma drops down to one knee and spills out his heart for you, tricking you into thinking he was going to propose as he sweetly drones on and on about how dearly he loved you and how much you meant to him.

With an overemotional tone, he asks, “Will you be my Valentine?” It causes you to giggle and nod your head with a wide smile spread across your face as you gesture him into a kiss.

Then, he smashes his lips into yours. Through the kiss, he mumbles, “I don’t just want to be your Valentine, though; I want to be your lover forever.”

Rantaro Amami

Rantaro is so good at keeping secrets and planning surprises, it’s honestly a bit shocking. He would disappear at random, sometimes inconvenient times, and then pop back up hours later. He’s been planning your first ever Valentine’s Day together for a while now.

But he continues to pretend like his disappearances are nothing just to throw you off; he’d insist that he had no clue what you were talking about, which only made you more curious as to what he had up his sleeve.

Rantaro would sleep through the alarm on February 14th and treat it just like any other morning, not saying anything about Valentine’s Day to you after awakening; this leaves you patiently waiting for him to do or say anything special.

But he’s a huge romantic, so of course Rantaro has something planned. He’d soon excuse himself and bring in the balloons and flowers with a teddy-bear under one arm and a single red rose pressed in-between his lips, causing your jaw to drop and for you to watch your boyfriend with wide eyes. He smirks at your reaction, “You didn’t think I’d forget about you, right?”

Rantaro planned the perfect date - it was a simple dinner and movie that he topped off with a long walk beside a river. He would talk about how it was almost as gorgeous as you were, lovingly admiring you beside him.

“I love you,” he says out of the blue which surprises you and causes you to flinch, “I truly do. I know I should say it everyday, but today is special, you know? Thank you for everything, my love.”

At the end of the night, he carries you back to your home bridal-style, setting you down on the bed gently and hovering over you to admire your beauty.

He smiles to himself and starts leaving a trail of kisses along your neck and collarbones. Rantaro would worship your body in affection and kisses as his hands explore your skin.

As long as you were consenting and in the mood, you would end your Valentine’s Day in an intimate bliss and fall asleep in a sweaty, tangled mess; but you wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

Kiibo

He doesn’t plan anything special for Valentine’s Day since he doesn’t really understand it or know what it is. You never really think to bring it up in conversation since you assumed he was already programmed with that kind of knowledge, which lead to a bit of a disappointing morning.

“Why are there more couples outside than usual?” Kiibo asks curiously. You stare at him, unblinkingly and a bit confused. “Do you not know what today is?” He shakes his head, and suddenly it started making sense.

He hasn’t talked about the Holiday or your plans because he just... didn’t know what it was, no one has ever really explained it to him and he’s never been in a relationship until now. As soon as you explain it, Kiibo feels a sinking feeling inside of him.

He feels so bad for missing it, he never wants to lose an opportunity to show you that he loves you! But he does his research to make up for it and feverishly tries making last-minute reservations somewhere and searches for gift ideas, but to no avail.

Kiibo tries doing all of the cheesy romantic things, like rose petals and candles, but it falls a little bit flat. Everywhere was sold out of flowers and the only thing left behind were small gifts like sweets.

 He really isn’t sure what to do and feels terrible for missing such an important Holiday. He doesn’t think he tells you that he loves you enough and is always finding ways to show you that he cares.

Kiibo tries to be smooth and make up for it with an at-home date, but he kept messing up by badly burning the dinner he was trying to prepare.

So, you come to his rescue and you two cook dinner together, which is mainly you preparing the meal and Kiibo watching since he can’t really cook. 

He always ends up tipping something over or spilling it on the floor or on himself, and you really don’t want to drag Miu over here on Valentine’s Day to repair him.

You end up making due with what you have and spend the day cuddling on the couch while eating a mediocre dinner. It’s a very normal day, but very lovely. Kiibo promises that next year will be better, but honestly, you have everything you could ever ask for right here in front of you.

Kaito Momota

He’s thrilled to bits to spend your first Valentine’s Day together! Kaito is bursting at the seams with excitement, and he finds it hard to contain himself. He’s always been one for romance so he makes the most out of the Holiday.

He’s also very bad at keeping secrets. You’ve overheard him talking about his plans among friends and family already, and when he notices you standing there, Kaito gets incredibly defensive.

“O-oh, (Y/N)! It’s not like I’m planning a special date for you or anything! N-no way!” He starts internally panicking...

But Kaito has lots of energy and really goes above and beyond for you, trying his best to make today memorable.

He starts off by trying to cook for you, which doesn’t go over as well as he’d planned. You have to intervene and give him a hand, so you spend your Valentine’s morning preparing a nice home-cooked breakfast together. 

And since Kaito can’t wait to give you his gifts tonight, he goes ahead and brings them out to you after asking you to close your eyes. He bought a small stuffed animal that was holding a rose along with a box of your favorite sweets, and he wrote a letter for your eyes only where he spilled his deepest feelings for you.

The gesture caused you to brightly blush and bring him into a passionate kiss, as Kaito tells you how much he loves and cherishes you.

Afterwards, you get ready for your plans. Once you put on your final preparations, Kaito is standing there with a dropped-jaw, floored by how stunning you are. “Wow, you look amazing, sweetheart.”

And of course, a date planned by an Astronaut would definitely involve space - he takes you outside of the city so you can stargaze together.

Eventually, you’d fall asleep right there on the grass, loosely holding hands after discussing your relationship and future. You felt content here with Kaito by your side, and thought this was the perfect way to spend Valentine’s Day.

He would stir awake and pick you up, leading you back to the car. Once you finally got home in the middle of the night, you’d end your romantic evening with a lazy intimate session of half-asleep love-making, if you were up for it, where Kaito would press kisses anywhere skin was available and mumble about how much he adored you into your neck.

Korekiyo Shinguuji

There’s no doubt in your mind that he’s been planning this day for a long, long time. Korekiyo takes any chance he gets to tell you that he loves you, so he definitely celebrates Valentine’s Day in a big way.

He persuades you into putting on a blindfold so he can surprise you; he doesn’t want you to have any clue where you’re going. Although you were a bit hesitant, you complied and let him carry you bridal-style to the car.

Korekiyo would also surprise you with a gift of some kind, most likely a bouquet of roses, to carry around while you’re in public. He needed to show off, of course. He would get the largest, brightest, most beautiful bouquet he could afford.

You spent the car-ride pestering him to give you any sort of hints as to where you were going, but Korekiyo didn’t budge. 

To your own delight and surprise, he’s planned a large, extravagant dinner for two. The finest meal that money could buy, as well as a team of waiters, waitresses, and chefs at your disposal. It felt like a fairy-tale come to life.

The tablecloth was covered in rose petals and candles burned along the center. He seemed to have rented a restaurant just for the two of you; it made you wonder how he managed to pull this off.

Korekiyo showers you in compliments, raving about how elegant you look, and a blush formed on your face. He dressed up as well, in a suit and tie as well as pulling his hair back for the occasion.

“How did you do all this?” You ask with a breathless voice, still completely floored by how beautiful everything was.

Your boyfriend hums to himself with pride, “Don’t worry about it,” he winks at you in a flirty manner. He spent the rest of the evening dropping little hints at you, holding your hand and maintaining the physical touches between the two of you.

Needless to say, it was the nicest date you’ve ever been on together, but the night was still young. Korekiyo would lead you back to your home where he’s prepared a romantic setting in your bedroom. As long as you felt like it, he would tend to all of your needs and treat you like royalty, soaking up the intimacy and skin-on-skin contact.

Eventually, you two would fall asleep holding one another in your arms, completely breathless and exhausted after such a long evening, but it was a Valentine’s Day that you would remember forever.

Gonta Gokuhara

You bring up the idea of Valentine’s Day in the beginning of February. Gonta really didn’t understand at first, staring at you quizzically as he asks, “Valentine’s Day? What’s that?” It took a decent amount of explaining for him to wrap his head around the Holiday.

But... Gentlemen show their love and appreciation everyday! Not just one day out of the year! Gonta wasn’t going to celebrate originally since, “Valentine’s Day is everyday!” 

He just wants to make you happy, though, so he gets into the spirit just for you. And when he does, he goes a little bit overboard and realizes that this may not be so bad after all...

Gonta buys you the biggest teddy-bear he can find - it’s the same size as him, which is one reason why he was so attracted to it. That, and he’s never seen a stuffed animal that big before. He was completely floored by it and just had to get it for you! 

And maybe it will remind you of him since it’s ‘Gonta-sized,’ as he put it.

Meanwhile, you baked cute Valentine’s Day-themed sweets for him, in the shape of butterflies of course. Gonta was so shocked by the loving gesture, but a little hesitant to eat them since he didn’t want to ‘hurt’ the insects.

He’s not the best at planning things, so you have an at-home date instead. You don’t really mind, though. It was nice to just cuddle up to him and have a lazy date. 

You flipped through cheesy romantic films, sobbing together and holding each other as you watched. 

Gonta gets pretty antsy, though, and wants to do something bigger and better for Valentine’s Day, because today is special! So, he takes you to his favorite hiking spot and you walk through the winding trail, holding hands and talking about your future. 

He leads you to the perfect spot to just look up at the stars and cuddle, having you rest on top of his chest; it was a peaceful last-minute idea.

Although he’s quite new to this, it was a day for the books. He did his best to make it a memorable day for you and Gonta already can’t wait for Valentine’s Day next year. 

Ryoma Hoshi

Honestly, Ryoma isn’t too thrilled about Valentine’s Day. What’s the point? He doesn’t need a day to show you that he loves you because he should be doing that everyday, just like any good partner would.

But, as the Holiday creeps closer, he can sense how badly you want to celebrate it together. Ryoma finds it difficult to say no to you, so he eventually gives in with a reluctant sigh.

However, he lets you pick what you two do. He’s never been too keen on choosing dates, anyway, especially not one as important as today.

Ryoma does his best to minimize his complaints since he doesn’t want to upset you. He doesn’t really try as far as celebrating goes - the most he does is buy you a card and a box of chocolates, and maybe a classic rose as well.

It’s hard to get him excited about any Holiday, really. A lot of his gifts are decided last-minute, but it’s better than nothing. He’s also a bit more irritable since he doesn’t like seeing or showing PDA, which is everywhere on Valentine’s Day.

But Ryoma knows how to show his love. He does agree take you to a pretty nice restaurant and fawn all over you, telling how how beautiful you look and showering you in compliments. He gets dressed-up for you as well, topping everything off with a suit and tie. If he’s gotta celebrate, he’s going to do it big.

Ryoma is still pretty new to the whole Valentine’s Day thing and he’s not sure what to do, but he shows his love in the best, most romantic way he can. 

He extends his arm across the table and lovingly holds your hand throughout dinner, and starts talking about the future.

You can see a glint of hope in his eyes as he talks about all of the things he wants to do with you. A small grin forms on his lips and you can feel his hand tighten around yours; as much as Ryoma pretends like he has a cold exterior, it’s moments like these where he softens up and shows you his true self.

“I love you, (Y/N),” he says genuinely, a warm smile greeting his face.

- Mod Rantaro

[pickeringawd]

TITLE — long distance. WARNINGS — mature content and some swearing. WORD COUNT — 2,901 words. AUTHOR’S NOTE — i can’t even believe my last fic got over 300 notes, that’s insane, thank you so much. uh, this was supposed to be short and smutty but the angst in me came out to wreak havoc. it also turned out much longer than i intended (story of my life). and that fluff bit at the end? i don’t know her. anyway, hope you enjoy it, thanks for reading !

You’re woken up at 2:09 AM by a constant and nagging vibration, the glare of your phone guiding you as you blindly reach for the device. Through heavy-lidded eyes you study the name displayed on the screen and the sappy emojis that follow.

It’s your boyfriend.

“Hey,” you say, voice dripping with dread and worry, and fatigue. It’s silent on the other end safe for some rustling and just as you’re about to call after him, there’s a muted groan.

“B-bae?” He sighs into the transmitter—a sigh of relief. “Fuck,” he sobs. “I miss y-you. I… fuck.” Another sob. “Baby?”

“I’m here,” you murmur, so richly enveloped by sleep it takes you a couple of seconds to notice he’s inebriated, and heavily so. His usage of the word ‘bae’ being the first and foremost giveaway.

“No, you’re all the way over there and I need you here—with me.” He slurs and then a little less distinctively, “Geoff send a car for her. Can’t we just get her here?”

A familiar voice rings out on the other line, muffled and barely audible. “Settle down, bud. It’s two in the morning. You fucking woke her up.” More rustling. “Drink the water and get some rest.” And then under his breath, something of an afterthought, “With your lightweight ass.”

“I’m not a lightweight, what…what are you t-talking about?” More rustling. “I’m not a light, uh… lightweight,” he says again but there’s so much rustling coming from the receiver, you can barely hear a thing.

“Take the water. Shawn, take—Shawn, take the water… Okay, now drink it… Drink. It.”

You sit up in bed and clumsily lean against the headboard for support. Blinking a few times, you reach for the lamp perched on the nightstand and revel in the flood of light that engulfs the bedroom. You’re grateful for Geoff, oh so very grateful, because, with him around, Shawn always has someone to care for him.

“Why do I have to drink it…the water?” You hear, a little clearer this time. “Geoff, why do I have… Why do I have to drink the water?”

“Because you’re gonna hate me in the morning if you don’t.”

“Bullshit,” but by the sound of it, he’s drinking. Shawn might be a messy drunk but he’s highly submissive under the influence; three glasses in and your wish is his command. “I could never hate you. Why would you even s-say something like that, Geoff? I love you, man.” More drinking. “Like… Like a man loves his wife… But without—” He pauses and you have to press the back of your hand against your mouth to keep from laughing out loud. “But without the sexing. Sexing? I mean fucking.”

“I love you, too, bud.” Geoff says, a tinge of amusement in his voice. He sounds closer.

There’s a crackling sound of plastic followed by an audible gulping of water. And then, “Where does all this water go?”

“Go on, finish the bottle, you’re almost done.”

You don’t mind that you’ve somehow been put in the backseat of this vehicle and have become a mere spectator. You pull the comforter higher around your chest and imagine Shawn’s protruding Adam’s apple bobbing to the rhythm of his swallows. “But speaking of fucking—I miss fucking my baby.”

The comment is so unwarranted, you choke on your spit, the coughs rolling down your tongue in succession.

“TMI, bud. Y/N, sweetheart,” Geoff’s voice suddenly booms into the receiver. “I didn’t hear a thing and consider me gone.”

You’re wheezing, your throat still recovering from the obstruction, so you grunt in response, though the effort is in vain because he’s already halfway to the door.

“Geoff, where…?” Shawn trails off and despite the vague question, Geoff answers him but the long distance hinders your ability to discern the content of his response. “I drank my water, Geoff. You p-promised you’d get Y/N here if I drank my water.”

“I said you could maybe text her, remember? And ever the defiant kid, you called her, instead.” You’re able to decipher his words, at last, and the sound of a door clicking shut.

Another broken sob racks Shawn’s body and you feel your heart ache for him. Once he downs his fifth or sixth glass, he becomes quite overemotional and needy, and with that in mind, you wonder what made him drink so much. It’s worrisome. He’s usually very responsible and orders either two beers or a glass of whiskey when he goes out for drinks with his crew after a concert but judging by his demeanor, he didn’t drink beer and he didn’t stop at one glass of whiskey.

It might be two in the morning but your mind is made up. Throwing the comforter from around your frame, you swing your legs over the edge of the bed and slip your feet into the awaiting slippers by your bedpost. You tear the phone from your ear just long enough to send Geoff a quick text message.

“Shawn?” You say, at last. Your voice is small and you can’t help the panic that seeps into the words. It isn’t the first time he calls you drunk, on the contrary, it’s a pretty frequent occurrence—he calls at least once every two cities—but the trace of distress in his voice is unusual and alarming.

“Shit. Just a s-sec, princess.” He curses under his breath as more rustling arises. You realize he’s got you on speaker and that he’s currently in search of his phone. “Baby?”

“I hear you,” you say.

Digging deep in your closet, you pull out a duffel bag and begin to throw random selections of clothing inside. Realistically, you’ll only need about two day’s worth of clothing but you conquer you’re not in the proper mindset to be realistic. All you can think about is Shawn and all you can hear are his heart-wrenching sobs.

“God—I didn’t mean to f-forget. I… I put the phone down for just a second…just a second… I thought I w-wouldn’t forget—”

“It’s okay, honey.” You reassure him. Grabbing onto a jacket, you pull it on, phone cradled between your ear and shoulder. “Baby, why did you drink so much?” You collect small but important things—charger, wallet and makeup bag—and toss them into the bag.

“Geoff told me to drink a-a… a lot of water.”

“Not water, baby. Alcohol. Why did you drink so much alcohol?”

A strangled moan rumbles from deep within his throat and you feel your fingers tighten around your phone. You wish you could materialize yourself in front of him and make it all better.

“To n-numb it all. Baby, my heart hurts. It fucking hurts and—and… I can’t make it stop.” Shawn whines into the transmitter. “Why can’t I make it stop? I th-thought the alcohol would make me forget.”

“Forget what, baby?” You’d rather have him ramble on than allow him a moment of respite to avoid hearing his quiet whimpers.

“No. Forget…forget about you.” Your heart sinks to your stomach at his revelation and you feel your lungs contract, the limited supply of air eliciting a pain almost greater than Shawn’s words. “I m-miss you…so much.”

Because he’s touring, there hasn’t been much time to spare between the both of you. Short squeezed-in phone calls and late-night FaceTime sessions help relieve some of the strain but it just isn’t enough. And usually, you both manage to function rather well during the time spent apart but sometimes it builds up and overwhelms you both. And because Shawn is away from his family and friends for months at a time, it hits him worse. During those unbearably worse days, you try to be there for him to the best of your ability.

Sometimes a long overdue phone call suffices and sometimes, like tonight, it doesn’t.

“I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.” You repeat again and again, a week’s worth of the mantra spilling from your lips at once. “I count down the seconds 'til I can call or FaceTime you.”

You let out a sigh of relief when you get a text message from Geoff alerting you that a car just pulled up in front of your apartment. Grabbing your duffel bag and purse, you make your way down a series of stairs and into the lobby. You don’t bother to change into more appropriate clothes—your sweatpants, camisole and slippers will have to do.

Shawn’s whimpers have turned into quiet mewls and as you hurry toward the car stationed outside by the curb, you try to ignore the heat pooling into your gut. Goddamn, even his sounds of distress are sexy.

“Princess?” He rasps, his voice low.

“Yes, hon.”

You smile at the driver who holds the door open for you. Tugging your duffel bag and purse along with you, you settle in and gnaw at your bottom lip, eyes wandering forward to catch the time. You’re a little nervous about this impromptu trip to see your boyfriend. Thankfully, you’re both in the same country, just different cities, so the flight shouldn’t take all night. According to Geoff, it’s approximately three hours. Regardless, you’ll have to call in (fake) sick for work in the morning. But none of it matters, not when all you can think about is Shawn and being with him.

“I need you so bad.” He says groggily, fatigue heavy in his voice. “I wanna see you. I wanna touch you. Hold you. Feel you against me. I wanna kiss you. Fuck—I just wanna make you feel good. With my hands and my tongue. I need to see you. I’m going fucking crazy. You hear me, baby? I can’t take it.”

Completely flustered, you glance at the driver, and whisper into the phone, keeping it PG-13 just in case. “I know, baby, but we’ll soon be together. And we’ll make up for lost time.”

You hear the faint sound of a creaking bed and wonder if Shawn is tossing and turning, desperate to be comfortable, or if he’s keeping busy doing something else. Probably the former, considering he’d have no shame roping you into having phone sex if he were aroused. His voice comes out all breathy, “I miss you… I miss your face… I miss your smile… I miss your lips… I miss your eyes… I miss your laugh…”

The car ride to the airport consists of him listing all that he misses about you and you, head leaning against the cool window, listening silently.

Sometime during the flight via private jet, he falls asleep, but you stay on the line with him. He keeps mumbling your name and his breathing is irregular, probably the impact of your absence, but the plane and all its little noises are lulling you to sleep. However, you fight off your own weariness and continue to focus on his breathing and occasional mumbling. God forbid you fall asleep and he wakes up and panics at the silence on your end.

Just before he’d dozed off, he’d insisted you speak—about literally every little thing he missed since you last spoke to each other—just so he could hear more of your voice. It soothed him. Fifteen minutes into your monologue, and his intermittent hums, he seemed to have dramatically calmed down.

There’s another car waiting for you when you land. Geoff took care of everything and by the time you get to the hotel, there’s an employee awaiting your arrival. Geoff sent you a text message before you boarded your plane and he essentially apologized for not being able to properly greet you and for not having called you much earlier about Shawn. You reassured him that he’d done everything right and that he couldn’t have known Shawn’s drunken behaviour hid a deeper meaning.

You’re given a keycard and directions to your boyfriend’s room. There’s a giddiness in your steps as you make your way into the elevators, the reality of things—being able to see and hold your boyfriend soon—settling into your bones. Your call is still ongoing and nearing the four hour mark. Mindful of his slumber and not wanting to give up your location, you’ve had to put him on mute a few times, but as you step out of the elevator, you unmute him and take a quick screenshot. To show him in the morning and to save it in your digital memory for future reference.

His hotel room is engulfed in darkness but you make out a shallow lump-like form on the bed. The curtains are drawn but there’s an open slit in the middle and as moonlight cascades down into the room, relief washes over you. A stabbing pain grips your heart at the thought of his distress earlier and how powerless and useless you felt. You feel guilty about not telling him you were coming to see him but knowing him, he wouldn’t have tried to sleep. He would’ve forced himself awake until your arrival. Not to mention, he would have nagged you all the way, asking you over and over again if you were near.

You let your duffel bag and purse fall onto the floor with a quiet thud and walk over to his bed. The faint glow of his phone illuminates his face, the seconds ticking by on the screen. You reach for his phone and turn it off before doing the same to yours. Placing them both on the nightstand farthest from his side of bed, you quietly kick off your slippers and climb into bed. For a horrifying second, you remember your physical state. You forgot to brush your teeth, wash your face or at the least brush your hair. But you feel him stir and mumble your name and just like that, you’re sucked into a world where nothing matters but Shawn.

Rounding an arm around his torso, you press yourself against him and kiss the back of his neck. He flinches awake, his hand finding yours, and as he feels the familiar warmth of your fingers and the promise ring he got you on your ten-month anniversary, his breathing evens out.

When he turns around to face you, your heart breaks all over again at the sight of him: the dried tear streaks, blotchy cheeks and rosy nose. “Baby.” He breathes and wraps his arms around you, closing the tiniest of gaps between you. He sounds exhausted. He buries his head into the crook of your neck and you feel him shudder. You give him small kisses on his cheek and jawline, your hand rubbing soothing circles on his back. He won’t stop shuddering. You’re not alarmed by his reaction, it’s simply the relief flooding his system and overwhelming him. The healing process has just begun.

“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” You whisper between kisses. “You don’t have to drink to forget about me, okay? Don’t feel you ever have to forget about me.”

“I c-can’t believe you’re here…I-I wanted this so bad. To have you here with me, to feel you against me.” You feel him leave a trail of kisses on your neck and then up your jaw and cheek, interrupting your own little kissing adventure. He captures your lips in a sweet and desperate kiss. He tastes like alcohol. Bitter but sweet. “I didn’t wanna forget about you. I couldn’t… I also couldn’t cope with the thought of you being so far from m-me.”

He sounds a little more sober, more grounded, and so you kiss him again, wanting to be his anchor. His hand dips underneath your camisole and you feel your skin heat up where he’s touching you. “You ever need me, you call me. There’s nothing, absolutely nothing, that can stop me from being here for you. You don’t have to be strong all the time. I understand it gets hard being away from everyone. Don’t put up a front. If you ever need me, you just call me and I’ll be on the first flight out.”

As if possible, his grip tightens around you. He kisses your nose, and then your eyes, and then your forehead. Dipping your hand beneath his shirt, as well, you caress his back and lightly drag your fingernails down to the small of his back. You’re a mess of tangled limbs and wet kisses. All you see, hear, smell and taste is each other. It’s intoxicating but it’s also therapeutic.

And finally, fatigue hits you. Hard. You kiss Shawn’s chin and rub your nose against his, the movement languid and slow. He’s fighting to keep his eyelids open and you smile fondly, your heart a melted puddle in your chest. He smiles back, a lazy, tired smile, and you kiss his cheek again. You continue to stare at each other and you realize that he’s fighting the urge to blink, almost as if he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he closes his eyes for just a second.

“Go to sleep, honey. I promise I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise.”

He adamantly defies you for another couple of seconds but finally, his eyelids give out on him and he mumbles a quiet “love you” before drifting off.

“I love you, too.” You say, though he’s already gone under. Sleep pulls you in next and you blissfully oblige.

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

Dating!Jisung

You know that really awkward phase most couples have, yeah you two don’t have that.

Dating Jisung is honestly like dating your best friend.

But it’s also like dating a child because he’s more childlike than most children you know.

He’s your biggest hype man and always there for you.

You know that embarrassing boyfriend that you see at their partner’s sports games screaming so much they lose their voice, that’s him.

Except it’s not just sports, he’s like that with anything you do.

But if you do play sports, he’d constantly bring you drinks and snacks and always be there willing to help you practice and stuff.

You’ll never have a bad day with him, like ever.

He’s hilarious and does stuff just to make you laugh, and he’ll do anything to see a smile on your face.

He’s a meme, like seriously, and you have a folder full of photos of him you can make into memes.

Constantly compliments you, there will never be a day that passes that he doesn’t say, text, or video call you to remind you of how beautiful you are.

He has no problem with skinship and it would devastate him if you had something against it.

Cuddles are something he is all about, like is Jisung a human or a koala, no one may ever know because he’s so damn clingy. 

If you are sitting on the sofa, his arms are around you. If you are laying on the sofa, his arms are around you. If you are standing in the kitchen, his arms are around you. You do anything, his arms are around you.

He’s not afraid of PDA and personally loves it so people know that you two are together.

He’s always holding your hand, honestly he just loves your hands, how small they look when he holds them mostly.

He’d constantly kiss the back of your hand and he’s just so soft.

Nothing is serious with him, even when he kisses you, it’s always playful and teasing.

He’d kiss your forehead and nose more than your lips, at the start of your relationship at least.

Yet when he does kiss you on the lips, it’s like shit he’s good at this.

His kisses usually go one of two ways, it’s either full of giggles and ends in him kissing your forehead repeatedly, or it’s hella intense.

You two would go from cuddling, to him pulling you into his lap, to you two making out intensely. 

He’d kiss you slowly and deeply, but then it quickly intensifies and you’re like damn this is unexpected, how is he such a good kisser.

When he kisses you, you better be sitting down, leaning against a wall, or have his arms around you to help you stay standing, since his kisses are those kind that make your legs give out.

You’ll probably be clinging onto his shirt and your arms would be wrapped tightly around his neck, when he kisses you.

Honestly the universe balance is off set by Jisung, like how can someone so attractive also be so funny and such a good kisser, it’s not fair to the rest of the world.

Pet names are a common thing, he has an arsenal of them he pulls out whenever he wants attention.

Baby girl, sweetheart, angel, sunshine, honey, sweetie, the love of my life, sugar, baby, babe, peaches, princess, literally just all the pet names. 

Calls you all the pet names except kitten, he once called you that and then swore to himself to never call you it again since it felt wrong.

He’d also encourage you to call him pet names, like babe or something like that, but often you’d just call him Jisungie.

He’s very emphatic, so if you aren’t feeling well or aren’t in a good mood, he knows before you even say anything.

He’ll always listen to you rant, vent, and just talk if you want to.

Like you don’t need a therapist, you have him.

He will pretty much do anything to make you happy.

He’s a really mature person, so he won’t let anything petty like jealously get in the way of your relationship.

Fights don’t happen, ever, because you know if you fight he’ll cry, and if he cries you’ll cry, and if you cry he’ll cry even more, and it’s a never ending circle of crying.

Arguments are rare, you discuss everything openly and don’t really hide anything that could possibly cause an argument. 

If he cries the first thing you think is who do I have to murder, like no one can make your overemotional boyfriend cry and live to see tomorrow. But then your second thought if to cuddle him until he stops crying, which you do.

He’s very aesthetic, so expect an aesthetic couples instagram, since he will start one.

Aesthetic couples outfits will happen too.

Dates are simple, he’d rather just eat at home than go out or anything.

But when you both wanted to do something more than stay home, your dates would be to the zoo.

He’d be that boyfriend that offers you his jacket when you are on a date, just because he thinks you are cold, even if you don’t say you are cold.

He’s very affectionate, so expect this affection while on dates also, like he’s not gonna let go your hand or take his hand off your waist the whole time.

His cats are your children and he will fite (ง'̀-'́)ง  you if you say the cat instead of our son/daughter.

He’d always respect your opinion no matter what, even if he personally disagreed, he’d just nod and respect it.

I feel like Jisung would like to have a family one day, however if you said you didn’t want children, he’s be perfectly fine with it and suggest buying a zoo instead of having a family.

He’d never get angry over anything, he’s mature so he understands accidents happen and sometimes you might say or do something you didn’t mean to. 

Like that one time you knocked over that trinket, his mother had given him when he first became a trainee to remember her by, when you were cleaning. You expected him to start yelling since it was so important to him, but he just said it was okay, that accidents happen, and told you not to cry since he wasn’t mad.

He tries to be romantic and make you breakfast, lunch, and dinner; yet, he can’t fix that many things, but the few things he can fix are amazing.

You two can’t be trusted to cook together, it starts out serious but then soon escalates to him throwing flour at you and you throwing some back, then it’s a full blown food fight, and you two are just getting some taekout instead.

Usually the food fights get a bit steamy and end in you two making out among the destruction, that is until a cat starts licking up sugar or eggs or something and you both are like shit we need to clean this up.

He’s the most helpful person ever when you clean, he just waits for you to tell him what to do, and then he does it.

He’ll just follow you around while you clean, waiting for you to tell him what to do. He’d also carry the supplies because he says they are too heavy for his princess to carry.

He’d be that boyfriend that runs around the car to open your door and help you out, he’d also always hold the door open and let you in before he goes in.

He’d never say no to shopping with you, but sometimes you wonder about if the items you tried on actually looked good on you, because he says you looks beautiful in everything.

He’d always carry your shopping bags, and your purse, and really just anything you want him to carry.

He’d be chivalrous as fuck like let’s be honest.

He’d love meeting your family, like one hour with your parents and they are calling him son and asking when he plans to put a ring on your finger.

He’d also love it if you had the same reaction to meeting his family.

When you do meet his parents, he’d be even more excited than he was meeting your parents. 

You would be with his parents for ten minutes, and they can already tell how in love you are. 

If you did something like offer to help his mom cook dinner, he’d just be like fuck I love this person; then while you are helping his mom cook, his dad would probably be asking him about when he planned to propose since he can just tell how in love you two are.

His parents instantly love you and you’ve known them for .3 minutes and they are exposing Jisung’s baby photos and sending you some to your phone, meanwhile Jisung is sitting there like “I came to have a good time but I’m feeling so attacked right now.”

When he did propose, he asked your father/mother/guardian for permission around twenty times before hand, it got to the point they were just like “boy quit asking or I’ll change my mind”.

He’d have one of those instagram worthy proposals, he’d do something like send you on a scavenger hunt that ends in you having a brand new outfit to wear, and you wear it to a date on the roof of a building, which he’s decorated in fairy lights and your favorite flowers and waits with the ring for you.

You’d be really shocked at first, like he’s proposing, he’s finally proposing, and you of course say yes.

Your wedding wouldn’t be as extravagant as the proposal. No fancy fairy lights or thousands of flowers, just something simple and elegant. 

Your relationship would be like one from a fairytale, which it might as well be, since you are his princess.

[attack-on-bocchan]

SNS Summer Week 2017 || Day 5 - Family || The Naruto Closet

He wasn’t very good at first-time meetings. Actually - he wasn’t very good at goodbyes either. Or anything in between. The whole “socializing” thing wasn’t his thing at all, so naturally introducing his boyfriend to his family wasn’t going to be his “thing” either. Especially a really perky, blond, idiotic, male boyfriend.

“This is ridiculous ya know? I can’t ev-” strong pale arms pulled on a very ugly orange tie, making it almost impossible to breathe​, “ack! You’re killing me here, bastard! Give me a break!” The blond complained as he shoved off slender arms. “Why am I even wearing a freaking suit? We’re going to your family’s house, not some fancy-pansy restaurant.”

“Is my family’s house not “fancy” enough for a suit?“ I questioned with a raised eyebrow, threateningly pulling on his tie. His blue eyes widened in shock and nerves, and he quickly shook his head from side to side.

"That’s not what I meant, assho-”

I yanked his tie down and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, then let go, “then deal with it, you pansy.” I whispered bitterly into his tanned ear. A shiver ran down his spine.

“I just don’t get why you’re making such a big deal about this, when you met my parents you wore sweats!” Whined my blue eyed idiot, sweat ran down his shiny forehead from wearing such stuffy attire on a hot summer day. I could tell his usually infinitely long patience was running short, and it was surprising, because the blond was usually known for his gentle demeanor.

“Your family isn’t the same as my family, idiot.” I grumbled out as I straightened his black coat, soon regretting my words. He quickly pulled away from my pesky perfectionist self, and gave me a glare I didn’t know he had in him. His eyes sharpened, and dug into me, and his childish pout had become a stern frown of disapproval. I could see disappointment reflect off him.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Is your family somehow better than mine because you're​ rich or something?” The voice he used was unusually bitter and cold, almost reminding me of myself.

“Don’t be stupid, stupid.” I snatched his tie and pulled him closer to me once again, earning a cute surprised yelp. I returned his pink lips to mine, and like melting wax, they molded to each other. His grumpy attitude dissipated, and a warm smile returned to his scarred face. “I just haven’t mentioned my preference in men…yet.” I mumbled awkwardly between our mouths.

Tanned arms shoved me off in shock, and crystal wide eyes looked into my slick dark ones, “what are you talking about?! You’re always talking to them about me on the phone a-”

“I talk about a perky, blond, girl on the phone.” I explained casually. I watched as his wide eyes widened even more, if possible, and he continued his rambling a bit more panicked than before.

“And sometimes I even talk to them! I say hi and everyth-” he argued pathetically, seeming like a fish out of water. His arms flailed around, trying to find something to do before he lost it.

“You sound like an awkward girl going through puberty.” I retorted almost smugly, trying my best to suppress the smirk that tried to creep onto my face. I crossed my arms defiantly, daring my blond boyfriend to come up with some other sort of explanation.

“I. Do. Not! Take that back, you asshole!” Wailed my overemotional idiot. He pulled on his hair, looking angry, confused, upset, and overall flustered - it was kind of hot.

“Calm down.” I tried to reason, reaching out to caress his cheek. He wasn’t having it, and took a steady step back, skillfully avoiding my touch.

“How? You just told me your parents don’t know you're​ gay - and apparently ​never suspected my manliness despite our verbal conversations, because I sound like a preteen!” He shrieked unattractively. I wasn’t lying when I said he sounded like a girl during puberty - his voice was scratchier and higher than any little girl I know.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, “could you just let me explain, please? Sometimes you’re such a drama queen, I can’t even tell the difference between you and Sharpay.” I watched in slight amusement as he rose a curious eyebrow toward my choice of comparison.

“A Highschool Musical reference? Interesting choice - although if I were anyone in that movie, it’d be Ryan, her equally as dramatic but still level headed brother.” Suggested the now calm blond. Sometimes I forgot about his goldfish-like attention span. I guess now’s the time to explain.

“Look - be whoever you want to be - just listen, alright?” I relented with a sigh. He nodded happily in agreement - seeming almost unaffected by the news now. Ignorance is bliss I suppose.

“This whole… family business is a little stressful for me,” I paused, making sure the idiot wasn’t dozing off. He took my hand in his supportingly, and nodded for me to continue. “My family, as you should know, grew up with many religious morals, and I always felt a little guilty for not being with a woman - not that I regret being with you, I just wish I wasn’t…”

“Gay.” He finished calmly. His hand tightened around mine affectionately, an understanding smile on his innocent face. I almost felt bad for confessing something so dreadfully awful to my own boyfriend. Having to say something so weak to your partner is so shameful - and still, hearing the word come out of his mouth sounded wrong. I didn’t feel gay. I never checked out men, or shamefully displayed my arousal for the same sex, I’ve never even been with another man besides Naruto - was I still gay?

I did sometimes look at other men, I admit, but not because of their male status. I usually caught myself staring at men who’d in some way remind me of Naruto. Blond hair, blue eyes, tanned skin, they simply drew me in. They were qualities that made my mind immediately connect to the idiot, whom I’ve fallen for hopelessly. It was rather embarrassing to admit, and impossible to say aloud.

“Sort of.” I admitted sheepishly. Apparently I looked silly, since the idiot chuckled softly before poking my forehead gently. His bright grin light a fire in me, and I pulled him in for one last kiss.

I savored his plump lips, and combed my slender fingers through his golden locks of hair. My leg playfully rubbed against his as my hands moved from his head of hair to his shoulders, slowly sliding off his black jacket. He hummed in approval before suddenly pushing me away lightly, a small frown on his face, “what about your parents? And your brother? Won’t they hate it if we’re late - you’re trying to make a good impression, remember? To them you're still dating a totally hot blond girl with a great personality.”

I smirked seductively before whispering into his ear, “they’re probably gonna love you anyway, so shut up and kiss me, you overdramatic Sharpay.”

As he laughed while I sucked on his neck and clung to him, I realized something rather embarrassing. I wasn’t gay, or homosexual, or bisexual - none of those. I only wanted one person, and it was Naruto, so if anything, I’ve been in the Naruto closet.

[wrestlewriting]

#338/416 [Adam Cole]

Requested, #338/416. “You’re a psychopath.” “I prefer creative.”/“Where did you put my clothes?” - cute/fluffy/humorous. (Prompts from here.)

Author note: This is the first request from the new batch. I have two left from the old batch but I’m struggling on them and this idea came easily to me!

@superkixbaybay @hiitsmecharlie @ihtscuddlesbeeetchx3 @valeonmars @pjanina13 @catie-kaboom @bulletbaybay

Dating a wrestler came with some rather unique challenges. You accepted that. Adam had been upfront with you from the moment you met about what he did for a living and how his day-to-day was nothing like yours. You understood and managed to get along just fine with it.

Usually.

Sometimes though, you hated the lifestyle your boyfriend led. You hated the times when you had to go solo to events, or sleep alone. You hated the nights when you’d come home from work and all you wanted was a hug from him, and he wasn’t there. It really bothered you during the nicer weather months, when weekends that could have been spent exploring and going places, were instead spent trying to pass time with friends and family. You loved the people in your life, but his presence was always missed.

Of course, you never told Adam any of this entirely. You didn’t want to be that girlfriend, the unsupportive, nagging one. You also weren’t the greatest at telling people your feelings directly. Your preferred method of communication was sarcasm and jokes, with underlying meaning that had to be found.

A previous boyfriend had broken up with you because of your inability to say what you truly felt at all times, claiming your sarcasm was a ‘defense mechanism’. You weren’t sorry that you weren’t an overemotional, soft-hearted whiner, like that boyfriend had been. It was nice to tell people you liked them and cared about them sometimes, but it didn’t need to be an all-the-time affair.

Thankfully, Adam rolled with your style just fine. He always seemed to understand what you meant and how you felt, even without all the words. He understood that you wanting that hug from him, and only him, at the end of the day was because he was your person.

At the current moment, your person was taking a shower. Adam had returned back to America from Japan the day before, and had come straight to your place. He was only with you for today, and then had to leave in the morning again for Ring of Honor shows.

You’d taken it upon yourself, like a doting girlfriend, to wash his clothes for him.

And then promptly put them somewhere he couldn’t find them.

Based on the sounds you were hearing, of Adam coming out of the bathroom, going to the laundry area, and the bedroom, you guessed he had figured that part out.

“Where did you put my clothes?”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” you replied from the couch, casually flipping through the magazine in your hands. You could feel Adam’s less-than-believing, less-than-amused stare on you.

“I’m serious,” he said. “Where did you put my clothes?”

“Have you checked Narnia?”

“You’re not being cute right now,” Adam stated.

“Not trying to be,” you countered, continuing to scan the glossy pages.

“Just…why have you hidden my clothes? Can you at least tell me that?”

“So you can’t leave,” you answered, as though it was such an obvious explanation you were sad he hadn’t gotten it.

“…you’re a psychopath.”

“I prefer creative,” you corrected, finally glancing over towards him. You found him standing in just basketball shorts, arms crossed over his bare chest.

“You realize I can just drive to my place and get more stuff, right?”

“Can’t get more wrestling gear though.”

“You hid that too?!” You just grinned cheekily at him, before looking back down to the item in your hands. “Why are you even hiding my things today? I’m not going anywhere today.”

“Planning ahead.”

“I thought we were gonna go out today? Do you expect me to go out like this?”

“That’ll be your decision. Far be it for me to tell you what to wear,” you responded, struggling to hold back the smirk that wanted to show on your face. This exchange was amusing you far too much probably. A moment later, Adam had plopped down beside you on the couch, immediately taking your magazine and throwing it to the floor.

“Dude! What gives!”

“You think you’re soooo clever,” he determined, as you turned to meet his eyes. “But you’re not gonna win this round.”

“Oh really?”

“Really,” Adam confirmed, before grabbing your face and pulling you into a bruising kiss. It took only a second for you to reciprocate, your little game forgotten. You moved with Adam, as he gently guided you to lay on your back on the couch, positioning himself above you. The kiss continued, until he broke it, ghosting his lips down over your neck.

“There’s plenty of things I don’t need clothes for,” he pointed out, as he sat back on his knees, his hands going to the hem of your shirt, pushing it upwards. “And neither do you.”

“What about food?” you inquired, as you lifted your arms, allowing Adam to remove your shirt, leaving your torso naked.

“God bless delivery.”

“What happened to going to your place and just getting more clothes?” Adam’s grin was predatory at best, as he set his hands against the band of your sweatpants.

“By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be telling me where my stuff is, no problem,” he assured you. Your heart literally skipped a beat.

“Challenge accepted,” you decided, reaching up and pulling him down to meet you in a deep kiss.

It seemed like your plans were set for the day, and you definitely had no complaints. However, you were determined to do your best to win this strange competition you’d found yourself in with Adam. But you had a feeling, even if you lost, you’d still be a winner.

[emanresusi-blog]

Musings of schizotypals Pt. 1

L.G. - I have a sucky sensation inside. Now that I might break up (for my own mental health) with my boyfriend, I have a sucky realization. I have no friends. I have pushed people for years, stablished unhealthy relationships for years. Now everyone is gone, and I cannot retake relationships that I pushed away years ago. I feel lonely. C.B. - Maybe my impulses to criticize others are a way to avoid criticizing myself. I find myself wanting to tell people that no one cares about their stupid lives but now I realize that's just one of the negative things I used to tell myself. I stopped the stream of negative thoughts about myself. But the thoughts are still there, just waiting to be applied to something. I need to channel this inner critic into something more productive. I know it is a facet of who I am, just one that I misuse a lot. It must be able to do some good somewhere. Constructive criticism about myself and my behavior perhaps. I should meditate on this. I'm feeling good but strangely devoid of emotion simultaneously. Like, my outlook on life is a generally optimistic one at the moment even though I'm not specifically happy about anything. I told my friend that I felt like something more was developing in my mind towards her and she wasn't scared off, so maybe that's why I feel optimistic. At the same time, I feel oddly suspicious and paranoid about her as well. Suspicious of her motives in continuing to talk to me after I told her how I felt, and paranoid for her safety at times (she's blind and also the tiniest little bit naïve, in my opinion). Extending my locus of emotional openness doesn't come easily to me. I really bond with other people to the point that I feel a bit like I'm losing myself. I don't like that feeling, but I love bonding with individuals at the same time. I suppose I'm just a bundle of contradictory neurons wrapped in a skull lol A.C. - So I'm sat in my porch locked out bags packed after another of my alcohol induced binge dissapearing acts I know "only Self to blame" I was only out drinking and chatting nothing bad, but I guess I am selfish, selfishly anaware and selfishly inconsiderate with what I don't think through or when I act rash. Slowly I've become more of a loner and made a habit of losing things family, friends umm jobs, it doesn't feel normal or nice that I might just be a procrastinative, selfish/absorbed individual who can't really get any sort of balance in personal life. I care about making amends and living a normal family life it's just... I don't know. Everyone blames me and punishes me, I don't want a scapegoat for my mistakes but it's very confusing I think if I didn't do what I did I'd damage my self by suppressing it all inside would be worse that's not a justification just a thought. Maybe leading a stable life, to work full time, three kids and relationship is too much. S.C - I suffer from depression and anxiety...I feel sometimes that im different of others because i think i have a few particularities(including that i have only two friends).I often try to explain to some that i can catch thoughts & feelings from people that i know...In fact,from complete stangers too ...I just thought if someone here could uderstand me? And I would like to add that is it okay not to fear of losing my few friends?I am 14 and feel like a misfit..I can't recognize what i am and don't remember who i used to be. R.R. - I have a weird feeling that I'm gonna die soon. Lol. Awkward. 2 near death experiences for me and 1 for my mom. Meh. Now I'm walking around every day with intense anxiety, waiting for an accident to happen. 😢 C.S. - I'm not doing well. I'm emotional... I cried for like half an hour today and I usually don't cry. But I've been sick over something I can't talk about. Very paranoid and scared. Such ugly ruminating thoughts. Barely slept last night and I have such a headache but my mind won't shut off. For the first time in years I feel like punching myself in the head. I've been taking my pills regularly. I see the shrink on Thursday. Which means I have to get through two days of work... I've been mildly sick with a cold for the last week. Oh help! I just want to feel better. A.M. - Today I keep seeing characters from TV shows as people in public spaces (anyone else experienced this?) and there was a shadow man in my lounge. It's odd and not making me paranoid which is also odd. Usually when freaky brain shit happens paranoia activates. Side note; Who the hell puts dried apricot in a hot cross bun!? C.B. - Sometimes I have this urge to be rude to people I don't like. Or that I decide are, as narcissistic as this sounds, beneath me morally or intellectually. It makes me very nervous to confront people but sometimes I do it out of impulse. Like I have this parallel line of thinking that just criticizes the hell out of everything I see. I let it build up and then let it out when I reach a certain level of resentment at the world. Afterwords I feel no better. But it's like I have this good side and this bad side to me. The bad side is the worst me I can imagine: lazy, thoughtless, critical, apathetic, and cruel. The good side is the best me I can imagine: empathetic, supportive, passive, thoughtful. I realize that I internalize these values from my primary caregivers growing up, my mother and first stepfather. I can't see the value in my stepfather very well. Jung had this idea of the Anima and the Animus. One male and the other female. I've always identified my values with the feminine due to the fact that the only support I ever got growing up was from women. I never understood men. I never understood women either for that matter. But they were the people I tried to emulate growing up. I couldn't stand the thought of being like my stepfather or boys my age until I became a teenager. Then I copied my stepfather and began to hate a lot. To be cruel a lot. Because that's all I saw in him. These impulses must be that old behavior rearing it's head. I've always wanted to be my own person but I've never quite known how. L. G. - Okay so I am going to lay one of my biggest problems right now and see if you can help me even if it's just a Little bit because I have no clue :( I finished university last year. Everything fine. My father came to my room and asked me, "what do you want to do next year? you have to think it NOW" and clearly wanted me, pushed me to do oposiciones (this is how we call the process of studying to get a job in the public system). I did the course for oposiciones. I HATED IT. God damn how boring, bland, deadly! I cannot even study for it or understand what they do. But my parents are 100% into it and they don't even contemplate me leaving them. I have to act like I study on days like those because they are so into this, specially my father, who sees working in the public system as my only chance in life because I am schizotypal. You can ask me questions, I will answer if it hasn't been understood. Thanks for the help :) L.G. - This is a bit of a hard to ask question but I will ask anyway...do you have problems maintaining your personal care, etc...? Sometimes I do and my family makes shame of me :( although i think really I'm not that much of a disaster. I mean, now I take care of myself, it's not like when I was really bad where I wouldn't take proper care of myself. L. G. - Do you ever feel like you've got too much contained in your chest and feel like telling anyone about it? Like you had an urge to tell what's ailing you? I've got Friends to talk with but I have too much in my chest and everyone looks like a friend to me now... S.S. - Two things I learnt about myself recently 1 - I will never be able to do a 9-5 job. Because I am too impatient and get angry when someone tells me what to do. Also overthink everything and get bored with routine. The only thing I can do is my own boss and work from home alone.I need to be in control. 2 - I can't ever picture myself in a relationship. I recently met a woman a bit older than myself but we share lots of interests and get on well. But I'm beginning to feel smothered and under pressure to behave a certain way. I just want to be a free individual with no responsibilities. I wasn't born to be a pack animal, but to give others as much freedom as possible and for them to not bug me in return. C.B. - Anyone else feel really anxious when they talk to other people about personal issues? It makes therapy very difficult for me. I'm too nervous around my therapist to open up to him, to really talk about the issues I have. I always just spend the time in my "therapy mode" (where I act pleasant and nice and talk about minor issues to avoid the larger ones). I don't feel like anybody can really help me with some things, and that I would just be making whoever I was talking to feel bad. I want to be able to talk about my motivations, my relationships, my feelings but they make me feel pathetic. Sometimes I feel like less than a person, like I'm really just wearing a mask when I behave as a normal human does. Trouble is I don't know for sure who or what is under that mask. D.S. - Had an irrational mental breakdown in public again one of those crying and screaming in equal parts of anger, frustration and sadness... why am I so easily overwhelmed sometimes.. plus I look kinda scary afterwards.. the neighbors already peg me for weird as it is... all emotionally shutdown and stuff only secs later.. I dont know its always like that.. overemotional first and a few seconds later back to the void.. im done. Im turning 23 tomorrow and I just wish I could skip to my funeral instead.. yeah.. one of those days.. A.M. - Does anybody else wander through life aimlessly? Never really finishing things they embark on, barely following their interests and feeling as though they're waiting for something to shake enough life into them to align them with the dimension that is reality... Being a drifting alien is really getting to me lately, I didn't realise how meaningless I find everything or how far I have drifted from society. I am not referring to deppression btw. P.A. - There’s something that’s killing me inside and I would really appreciate getting it out in a post. I really hope I don’t sound like a total bitch. It’s to do with abandonment, which I hope some people here will understand. I feel so abandoned by my counsellor. It’s the closest relationship I have. I sent her a text a few weeks ago saying I was sad and I never heard back. It has been my psych ward “anniversary” and I thought she’d message me to ask how I am but no nothing. Now she’s just become a grandmother... I know because I’m friends with her son. They are all super excited and spending lots of time together. He is sending me photos of the new baby but it’s just making me even more upset. Why can’t I just be happy for them? I feel so bad and self-centred for feeling this way. I know this little girl will be spoilt rotten with love and I’m jealous, there’s no other word for it. I suspect this is triggering an ancient wound in me, a hole that I’ve never managed to fill. My friend wants to see me tonight but I’m just too upset to see him and I can’t explain to him why *hides under table* C.B. - Sometimes I feel like I am more comfortable being depressed than I am being happy. Being sad feels, I don't know, solid, constant, whereas happiness is a fleeting and ephemeral feeling. Because of this, I got used to lying to myself to make myself more depressed. Don't know if that makes any sense, but I used to love laying in bed and thinking terrible things about myself until I cried my eyes out. I guess I craved that sense of catharsis. These days, I realize that this isn't a healthy way of coping, but I still crave the cathartic feeling I used to get by working myself into a terrible place. I think maybe I crave intense release of emotion because I have a hard time letting go of emotions in the moment and I kind of bottle them up. I still crave that. It's odd, I suppose I'm working to integrate the disparate parts of my personality into a functioning whole. It's like the emotional part of me exists kind of parallel to the rest, separate but connected in form if not function. A.C. - I guess if you can't do anything consistently but your capable of being extremely creative which many are here. Your purpose in life is to create a masterpiece not stand in line and fit the system. S.S. - Got told I'm too much of a negative person earlier and that I should keep all my thoughts secret. But the truth is I only say about 10% of what's actually on my mind. I'm too truthful about my flaws. The last thing I wanna be is a fake who brags. I can't help who I am.

[myaekingheart]

I’m honestly feeling so goddamn tired right now but I really don’t want to go to sleep. Not yet, anyways. It’s the same cycle I always go through, with my mind running on overdrive so that even if my eyelids are heavy and my body is lethargic, my brain keeps pushing me to stay awake. Plus, I also feel kind of...off. Which means no matter how tired I am, sleeping is not a great option. There’s nothing quite like laying in a silent, dark room to really make your mind wander and I know exactly where it’s going to go if I give it the chance right now. It’s going to contemplate every worst case scenario about why I feel weird and spiral me into some sort of stupid panic attack which is certainly not ideal in the slightest. I don’t know what, exactly, is making me feel weird but I know there are definitely a few options on the table.

1) The dishes. My boyfriend asked me to do the dishes while he was at work today. I did not. I have a valid excuse (the cat ripped my hand up yesterday in a flea collar incident and it’s been sensitive ever since) but that doesn’t mean I don’t still feel guilty about it. I made it a point to avoid doing the dishes at all costs because of my hand (and it doesn’t help that I absolutely hate doing the dishes regardless) but at the same time, I was nervous that my boyfriend was going to be upset with me when he got home from work and found that they were still just as they were when he left. Luckily he wasn’t upset (or at least as far as I could tell) but a part of me still felt/feels guilty about it, like I should’ve done it anyways.

2) My mom. I had been planned to call my parents tonight ever since I woke up because I felt like I hadn’t called them in a minute and wanted to say hi and see how they were doing. I waited until after my boyfriend left for work, then called my mother on Messenger so we could video chat. It rings for five minutes and then says she’s unavailable. No sweat. It’s happened before. I figured she was probably just in the bathroom or something. It was 8:30pm so I didn’t dare think she had gone to bed already. She doesn’t go to sleep that early. Well, she texts me and lo and behold she says her and my dad are going to bed because my dad is really tired. Makes sense. He works really long shifts and has to be up at, like, 4:30am. I told her not to sweat it and that I didn’t want to bug them if they were tired but then she insists I call her, so I do. Everything’s fine for the first .25 seconds until I tell her about the incident yesterday with the cat and the flea collar and show her my hand. She immediately breaks down in hysterical tears. I assure her that I’m fine, that it doesn’t hurt that much anymore, and ask her if she’s alright (because honestly, hysterical tears is a little bit of an over-exaggerated reaction if you ask me). She explains how she’s had an emotional day because her and her best friend went to go see this movie about these parents trying to stop their kids from losing their virginity on prom night and it reminded her of me. Not the virginity part, but she said there was a mother-daughter relationship in it where they were best friends and did everything together and the girl got accepted to this college and hid it from her mom but then the mom found out and started crying because she realized her daughter was going to be moving away and they wouldn’t have that relationship anymore and it reminded my mom of me. I get that, I really do, and I understand why she’d be emotional about it, but at the same time she’s just so goddamn overemotional. She was crying so hard that she had to hand the phone to my dad and I didn’t see her or speak to her for the entire rest of the call. This was probably the most palatable part of this whole thing, honestly, because, I mean, at least my dad is sane. I really like talking with him these days. It’s casual. There’s never any crying or whining about how much he misses me. I know he does, but at the same time he’s the kind of parent who knows when to let go and I think he’s really proud of me for doing so well in school and starting my own life and chasing my dreams and all that fluffy shit. So yeah, talking to him was really nice. We didn’t speak for too long because he was really tired and he did have to be in bed early for work in the morning so by 9pm we were saying goodnight and talk to you later. He was sitting in his room getting ready to turn in and I asked him if I could at least say goodnight to my mom before we hung up. I didn’t even know where the fuck she had gone but apparently she was in bed perhaps asleep though my dad couldn’t quite tell. He asked her if she wanted to say goodnight to me and she didn’t answer for a few minutes, and then she let him turn the camera onto her and I am honestly not surprised by the completely indecent vision of her I saw. It’s the same sort of lens I always see her through when she’s had too much to drink and is overemotional and an absolute fucking mess: the red, puffy face, the eyes so narrow they look like slits, the fact that she had already taken her shirt off and was censoring herself with the blanket. I hate when she’s like this, and I know it’s partially influenced by her goddamn best friend. I don’t know, man, I just always feel bothered every time this happens. I moved 300 miles away to get away from this shit, and yet here I am over six months later still getting pulled back into it. I asked my dad how much she had to drink. He said he didn’t know, that he was at work. He didn’t seem all too concerned with her, but maybe he’s just used to it or maybe it’s just his hallmark calm demeanor. I don’t know. Either way, she’s ridiculous and I hate when this happens. It’s like every time I build up some hope that things are getting better and she’s getting a grip on this, she goes and completely destroys it and sends me right back to cynical square one. I should honestly just stop trying to have faith in her at this point.

3) Food. My stomach’s been feeling kind of off today, probably because I binged on Oreos earlier. Either way, I’m in one of those weird moods where I’m kind of hungry when I should be but I don’t feel like eating whether it’s because I feel bloated or crampy or what. I don’t know, maybe I’m just having an off day. I woke up around 2pm and spent the entire day doing laundry which isn’t all too labor intensive but I still found myself tired out from it. I feel like I haven’t had a lot of energy lately, though. Or at least today and maybe yesterday. I go through these spells of feeling really pepped up and sharp-eyed, like I‘m finally getting out of my fog, but somehow I always seem to find my way back. Not that I mind my fog all that much. It feels kind of safe and hazy here. When I’m bright-eyed and fully awake, everything looks too sharp and feels too amplified and it can be daunting and kind of anxiety inducing. But then again, sometimes the fog isn’t a great thing. Tuesday I took allergy pills that warned for potential drowsiness but I didn’t think much of it until I was nearly falling asleep every five minutes in class and still couldn’t breathe. I feel like I‘m in a similar haze right now, exhausted but fighting to stay awake. I feel like if I go to sleep, though, I’m going to set my mind spiraling and food is one of those concerns. When I woke up, I had a decent little breakfast of cinnamon toast and a mandarin orange cup that satisfied me enough. The toast is usual but the mandarin orange cup was a treat. Then I set myself up for failure. I broke out the Oreos. I finished off the family size box. I’ve really taken a liking to Oreos lately but they’re not always the best on my stomach. They set off my IBS if I eat too many and that was partially the case today. Eventually I had to run to the bathroom but it wasn’t for a flare-up so much as for an urgency that was painlessly relieved. My stomach has felt kind of crampy all day since, though, but not necessarily IBS cramps nor even period cramps. It’s more of just a general ache. My boyfriend got off work at around midnight and said earlier he’d get us some food on the way home. I was a little hungry beforehand so I binged on cheese balls and a pack of fruit snacks which was fine but it wasn’t after this that I started to feel kind of bloated and overall just “ugh.” I didn’t really eat much of my dinner because of this, but I felt bad about it. I didn’t want him to know I wasn’t that hungry. I didn’t even know I wasn’t that hungry until the food was sitting in front of me expecting to be eaten. It was hotter than usual, too. Normally when we pick up food from this restaurant, it’s lukewarm by the time we get home but tonight, it was burning hot so I had to skirt around it for a moment lest I completely scorch my mouth. I might even go so far as to say it even tasted kind of weird tonight, too, but that might just be my anxiety talking. Either way, at this point I just feel bloated and sleepy and kind of weird and I just want to stay up all night until this feeling goes away so I don’t have to deal with the unending thoughts I’m no doubt going to get bombarded with when I do finally climb into bed. I don’t know, man. I guess it’s just one of those things I kind of have to wade through.

[mauvemischief]

Crying and screaming and sobbing over them forever

atsumu watches kiyoomi from the other room. kiyoomi jumped up when he got a phone call, speed walked to the kitchen, and answered.

atsumu didn't even get the chance to see who called. he can take a guess but the way kiyoomi's shoulders tense, drawing up to his ears. he takes a defensive tone, one atsumu usually hears during arguments. but this feels different.

kiyoomi's tense in a way that atsumu only saw during their high school years at the few training camps they attended together. shoulders hunched up, fists balled, permanent frown showing his displeasure. actually, kiyoomi's back was currently to atsumu, but atsumu could only assume kiyoomi's expression.

"no, father," kiyoomi says, louder than the rest of his words had been. "I'm not going." kiyoomi speaks more formally, like he used to before settling into msby. using titles he doesn't even bother to use with their coach or captain.

atsumu knows kiyoomi doesn't talk about family and atsumu never pushed. he understood having hard boundaries. but with how this conversation appears to be going, atsumu wonders if he should have been pushing all this time.

kiyoomi's shoulders slump after he gets off the phone, but the tension still remains. atsumu wonders if he should look away to give kiyoomi a moment to collect himself. but then kiyoomi turns to him.

atsumu watches as kiyoomi's defenses raise. the walls atsumu so skillfully snuck past are pushing him back out once again.

kiyoomi doesn't say anything as he walks to the kitchen. atsumu returns his gaze to the tv, although he can't remember what he put on. not that it matters right now.

steeling his own emotions, atsumu pushes himself off the couch. kiyoomi might not admit it, or even realize it, but he needs someone right now. and atsumu isn't going to let kiyoomi suffer in silence.

kiyoomi's back is to atsumu as he enters. his shoulders are tense once again. he stands in front of their keurig, most likely making himself a cup of tea. if atsumu had to guess, he'd say it's a peppermint tea because kiyoomi often uses it to calm himself.

"omi," atsumu says softly.

kiyoomi doesn't turn. he doesn't move except to continue his task of making his tea. an attempt to shut atsumu out.

luckily, atsumu is annoyingly persistent, as kiyoomi once put it.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop," atsumu continues. he opens one of the cabinets and pulls out the sugar for kiyoomi, setting it close on the counter. "but it is a small apartment." atsumu grabs a protein muffin he's recently been obsessed with and sits at the kitchen table.

kiyoomi hesitates before reaching to grab the sugar.

he takes a bite and gives kiyoomi a moment.

finally, kiyoomi turns to face atsumu. the smell of sweet, peppermint tea surrounds them. kiyoomi holds the mug with two hands, and he peers into the plain black mug instead of meeting atsumu's eyes.

"if you sit, we can talk about it," atsumu says. kiyoomi doesn't budge. "ah, I figured that'd be your response." no reaction.

maybe it's worse than atsumu thought. dry sarcasm usually makes kiyoomi fight a smile.

"we don't have to take about the phone call." atsumu takes another bite while kiyoomi seems to think it over. "I know family can be a tough subject."

kiyoomi scoffs.

atsumu fights his immediate response to argue. while atsumu is beyond lucky with his loving mother and supportive brother, atsumu still knows, full well, just how difficult family can be. both by experience and by others' experiences.

a breath. kiyoomi's just angry and needs someone to take it out on. atsumu's an easy target.

"I'm here for you, kiyoomi," atsumu says. he pulls at the wrapper of the muffin. "don't forget that."

kiyoomi stands still.

atsumu wants to scream and yell. it's what he'd do with osamu. force his brother into telling him what was going on. it's how he used to deal with kiyoomi.

but yelling and fighting makes things worse.

conceding, kiyoomi sits across from atsumu. he sets his mug on the table. "you're getting crumbs everywhere," kiyoomi mumbles.

atsumu rolls his eyes. "I'll clean them up."

kiyoomi stirs his tea. "thank you," he says even quieter than before.

they sit in silence for a moment. kiyoomi sipping his tea while atsumu finishes his muffin and then cleans uo the crumbs that bothered kiyoomi.

atsumu offers to make kiyoomi another cup before he sits back down but kiyoomi shakes his head.

the kitchen table isn't exactly where atsumu would like to have a conversation like this, especially since they don't even have food. however, he's pushed kiyoomi's boundaries enough as it is.

"my father called," kiyoomi says. his eyes stay fixated on the table. "he wanted to, um... to know my plans for the holidays."

"you're spending them with me," atsumu chimes in, unable to stop himself. he's excited, it'll be the first time kiyoomi spends a significant amount of time with his family.

kiyoomi allows a slight smile. "I know."

"sorry. you can continue." atsumu gives a nod. he's been pestering kiyoomi, and while kiyoomi is happy to come along, the most atsumu says about it, the more nervous kiyoomi gets.

kiyoomi takes a moment. "my family usually does a big thing the week before the new year. and I didn't go last year." atsumu nods. he remembers that kiyoomi was tense around that time and had spent a lot of time talking to komori on the phone. "my brother and sister covered for me. but I guess the truth came out that I had intentionally not attended."

with a sigh, kiyoomi's shoulders slump. "I don't want to go, atsumu." kiyoomi finally meets atsumu's eyes. atsumu's heart twinges at the ache and sadness and heartbreak in kiyoomi's eyes. "that's not my family. you are."

a lump grows in atsumu throat as tears build in his eyes. kiyoomi quickly diverts his gaze. "omi."

"don't cry."

atsumu lip quivers. "I'm your family?" his voice cracks. he can't help it.

"atsumu, please."

atsumu stands up and comes around the table. kiyoomi leans away when atsumu comes near, but doesn't push when atsumu hugs him.

"omi, I love you so you much!" atsumu kisses the top of his head.

kiyoomi frowns. but still, he says, "I love you, too."