#sometimes I like to use this blog as an excuse to post weird old british stuff and see who remembers it. keep you on your toes | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

clemencebrothersobsession · 5 years ago

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@ikesensrandomninjagirl24 tagged me in this (or at least it showed up in my notifications) so here we go

1. What do you prefer to be called name-wise?

Most people know me as George, but friends can also call me Georgie ^^

2. When is your birthday

2nd June (I have a lockdown birthday unfortunately 😪)

3. Where do you live?

Currently, I'm at my parents' house in Northern Ireland, but I'm at university in Scotland for most of the year.

Also, if you're wondering, no, I'm not Irish. NI is kinda weird and you'll get people saying we're Irish and others saying we're British. Politically, we're part of the UK, but geographically, we're on the island of Ireland. Whether you identify as British or Irish depends on where you grew up and how you were raised. I personally call myself British, because that's what I was raised as, I have a British passport, and I'm technically 1/4 English anyway bc my grandfather on my mum's side was English.

Sorry for the rant, I just feel the need to clarify every time I say I'm from Northern Ireland bc people assume I'm Irish when they hear/see "Ireland" 😑

4. 3 things you're doing right now:

- Gonna get up to make my morning coffee in a second

- sitting on my bed

- typing this lmao

5. Four fandoms that have your peak interest right now

- kpop

- Ikerev

- Mayday Memory

- Obey Me

6. How has this pandemic been treating you

Most of the time, it's meh, but I've been trying to get a job and its absolute HellTM. Also living with transphobic parents when you're trans isn't easy.

7. A song you can't stop listening to rn?

I'll give you multiple bc I can't decide on just one:

- iriwa - Pink Fantasy

- Wannabe - ITZY

- Popsicle - UHSN

- Fancy - Twice (this one never gets old, it only gets better as I listen to it more and more)

- Outta My Head - Somi

- basically my whole Obey me Asmo playlist on spotify

- We don't talk together - Heize ft Giriboy (Prod. SUGA)

- Eight - IU ft. SUGA

- Bom - bolbbalgan4

- Rumour - Produce48

- 好きになっちゃうだろう？- Produce48

,, I'll stop before I make this post longer than it needs to be skdnfkj

8. Recommend a movie

Uh,,,,, I don't have the attention span needed to watch a movie and actually pay attention for all of it so I don't watch them very often 😅

9. How old are you?

Currently 19 but I'll be 20 soon ^^

10. School, university, occupation, or other?

I'm studying French at University

11. Do you prefer heat or cold?

I love it when a room is cold but I've made myself into a burrito with my duvet and I'm nice and warm lmao

12. Name one fact about you that others might find unusual

I can't think of anything for this one,,,,

13. Are you shy?

Yes. Very shy. Kind of a prerequisite to having severe anxiety 😂

14. Pronouns?

He/him or they/them, I don't mind which one people use ^^

15. Biggest pet peeves?

When people eat with their mouths open. If you have breathing difficulties, I understand, but if you just actively choose to not chew with your mouth closed, I despise you.

Also when people make fun of the kpop groups I like. You don't have to like kpop, and you can say whatever you want about it, but I refuse to tolerate blatant racism and I'm gonna stand up for them when I see it. I don't care if they'll never know I exist or not, that doesn't excuse your racism, Chad.

Things that actually affect me like homophobia/biphobia and transphobia don't get to me anymore, it's just funny at this point, but racism is something that really gets on my nerves even tho I'm Very White and I'll never experience it. I think it's just that urge to fight anyone who treats people differently bc of things they literally have no control over.

16. What is your favourite "-dere" type?

I LOVE tsunderes, kuuderes are a close second. I just love how easy it is to tease them lmao (even if it backfires sometimes)

17. Rate your life 1-10

Probably,,,,, like a 6??? I don't have much to complain about except my transphobic parents and my Crippling Dysphoria and AnxietyTM

18. What is your main blog?

This one ^^

19. List your side blogs and what they're used for

I have one side vlog but I'm not gonna say what I use it for just yet, you'll see what's on there soon.

20. One thing you think people should know about you before you become friends.

I have a tendency to convince myself that everyone hates me and I don't answer or send messages for a while, even if I'm still posting on social media. Please don't take this is me ignoring you, I promise I'll be back when I feel better.

Also, I mostly speak in keyboard smashes, vine/tik tok references, memes, and reaction images when I'm with close friends so just prepare yourself for that.

I'm supposed to tag people, but as usual, just do it if you want to and say I tagged you :)

#tag game #obey me #kpop

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dramallamadingdang · 7 years ago

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Reply-o-palooza! :)

This is really long because blah blah blah, and it addresses numerous subjects. And some of these go back...*ahem*threeweeks*ahem*...because I’ve been a bad, bad blogger as usual. So these are for *deep breath* @princess-arystal21, @caticalcorrectness, @fuzzyspork, @digitalangels, @kayleigh-83, @holleyberry, @eulaliasims, @dunne-ias, @blackswan-sims, @didilysims, @webluepeace, @twofingerswhiskey, @deedee-sims, @declarations-of-drama, @getmygameon, annnnnnnnnnnd @freezerbunny-sims...

princess-arystal21 replied to your post “YAY, I AM FINISHED WITH MY SECRET SANTA GIFT! …Unless I think of...”

Please keep the discussion about Sims. Your Tumblr looks so much better when you talk about them instead.

“It’s my blog; I’ll put what I want on it,” is the usual reply, I think. And it’s true, too. My blog is probably 97% about Sims because I do prefer it that way, but sometimes I do talk about other, personal things, often silly, sometimes informational, very occasionally serious and real-world. Regardless of subject, if it’s not about Sims, it’s either tagged as “nonsims” or it’s behind a cut. Or both. So, people who use extensions that block tags they want to avoid can easily avoid all of it, if they choose. And when it’s not tagged, then people have to choose to read or not, since it’s behind a cut. I think that’s a reasonable solution when I feel a need to say something not Sims-related. Generally speaking, I won’t censor myself just to make other people happy, not in real life and not on a blog. Down that road lies madness.

fuzzyspork replied to your post “Whenever I type the word “banana,” I pretty much always type at least...”

If it wasn't for spell check I'd still be writing "bananna" which I still do but the red underline tips me off to it. XD Unfortunately spell check doesn't stop me from writing (and just then I just typed wiring...) homonyms of the word I meant to use. :/

Oh, homonyms are EVIL! Especially when using the wrong one makes you look stupid. Like when you use your/you’re or there/their/they’re inappropriately. I KNOW the differences between those words, but sometimes I type the wrong one and don’t catch it until much later. MAKES ME SO MAD! *stamps foot*

digitalangels replied to your post “Whenever I type the word “banana,” I pretty much always type at least...”

For some reason I always type word soul as "sould" and sometimes instead of writing "one" I write "wan". When I was little I struggled with my own name, it ends up in anna and every time someone asked my name I would reply like annannannaa so my grandparents nicknamed me "Nanna" they kept calling me that till they passed away.

I would bet that the “sould” thing comes from your brain thinking that you’re typing a word like “should” or “would” or “could.” I have the same sort of problem when typing a word that ends in “ine” because my brain thinks I must be typing a present participle or a gerund, words that end in -ing. So, “fine” becomes “fing.” “Tangerine” (another color name in the palette I made; I bring this stuff on myself!) becomes “tangering.” Very annoying.

And, ahhhh childhood mispronunciations! When I was a preschooler, I always pronounced “animal” as “aminal.” It’s STILL a family joke. I will NEVER live it down.

kayleigh-83 replied to your post “Whenever I type the word “banana,” I pretty much always type at least...”

I do it while writing by hand sometimes, I always want to write “with” as “withe” for some reason! Unconsciously trying to make it look old timey or something?

Maybe you were Chaucer in a previous life? :) I don’t do these things so much when writing on paper, because I’m much slower at writing on paper. My fingers don’t fly on ahead of my brain like they do when I’m typing at about 100wpm. :)

princess-arystal21 replied to your post “Whenever I type the word “banana,” I pretty much always type at least...”

I often accidentally type "teh" instead of "the," or "atmoshere" instead of "atmosphere," or "footprings" instead of "footprints." Not sure why *scratches head in confusion.*

The “teh” thing is pretty common, I think. I mean, it became lolcat language, after all. :) Or, depending on your age, maybe the lolcat influences your typing. :) The “footpring” thing is probably your brain being stuck on participles/gerunds, too, especially if you generally type fast. I have no explanation for “atmoshere,” though, unless you also mistype other words that use “ph” for f-sounds? :)

caticalcorrectness replied to your post “YAY, I AM FINISHED WITH MY SECRET SANTA GIFT! …Unless I think of...”

Oh thanks for that reply! In fact I didn't know anything about your election, but am mad about these mediastampedes I watched again and again - and people following that without trying to look behind the scenes. - Excuse me to not resist commenting. (oh that sounds weird, apologize for my poor english) - I DO understand you're able to think for yourself and you're not a part of any kind of 'Hexenjagd'.

Yeah, well, I know you’re not American, so I wouldn’t expect you to be up on the inner workings of our bizarre politics. :) But really, I think the problem isn’t the media in general so much as there’s just so much “media” these days, thanks largely to the internet, and some of it has a very definite agenda, which is often, frankly, subversive. (Lookin’ at you, Breitbart! :P) I mean, the press has always had a slant, even when it’s NOT government-controlled. The idea of the press being “unbiased” is silly; it never has been and, frankly, was never meant to be “unbiased.” The idea is that you get your news from various sources, being aware of each one’s bias, and then you use the brain and critical thinking skills that God gave you as well as a dash of common sense to filter out the bullshit (because there is always bullshit) and arrive at the (probable) truth.

The problem is that, more and more, people DON’T use their brains. They get their news from a single source -- one that agrees with their own biases, of course -- and swallow it whole and become part of the echo chamber that parrots and reinforces the unfiltered bullshit on a bunch of like-minded people. It’s quite ridiculous. And then, yes, the Hexenjagd begins. :) Critical thinking seems to have become a lost art these days, but I don’t blame the media. It just does what it does, at least when it’s not government-controlled. *I* blame people who don’t think for themselves and who willingly lock themselves in echo chambers, regardless of the slant of that echo chamber.

holleyberry replied to your post “Whenever I type the word “banana,” I pretty much always type at least...”

bananananananananana batman!

Hah! Well, I was a huge fan of campy Batman when I was a kid... :D

caticalcorrectness replied to your post “Replies!”

Just found your reply. - It's very interesting, because here it seems we germans not only stealing, but USING more and more english words instead of using our own. We're loosing our language bit by bit! - Btw. the french seem to love their own langage way more... but they (so far I know) using the word 'Waldsterben' :)

In truth, all languages borrow from each other. English has always been good at borrowing and incorporating words from other languages. It’s also flexible; it’s easy to create words in English by sticking together prefixes and suffixes in odd combinations that people will still understand. But it goes the other way, too. I mean, I’m pretty sure the word for “telephone,” an American invention -- in pretty much all languages is...well, “telephone,” just spelled phonetically in the local language. A quick glance at Google Translate bears this out, anyway. (Although... What’s up with Finnish? “Puhelin?” WTF? :) ) Of course, "telephone” is ultimately...Greek, I’m pretty sure, so... Well, anyway, English steals words from AND donates words to other languages. All languages do, really.

But yeah, I’m thinking that as the world becomes more interconnected, if English doesn’t just take over completely, eventually a common world language that everyone speaks will develop. I imagine it will be English-based because English -- thanks mostly to British colonialization amplified now by the internet -- is already the lingua franca, but with words borrowed from many languages...or at least from the dominant non-English languages on the planet, so probably Spanish and...transliterated Chinese, maybe? Or perhaps Arabic? I guess we’ll see. :) Anyway, my bet is that eventually there’ll be a “world language” and that people will still speak their own local language amongst themselves. Such as thing only makes sense as the world becomes progressively less insular. Plus, it’s already much that way, with English being the general internet language.

eulaliasims replied to your post “hey, im not sure if you know but the word 'gypsy' is a racial slur...”

I always call her the matchmaker too. Works just as well, or even better considering that it isn't a slur.

dunne-ias replied to your post “hey, im not sure if you know but the word 'gypsy' is a racial slur...”

I think just calling her the matchmaker works well though.

blackswan-sims replied to your post “hey, im not sure if you know but the word 'gypsy' is a racial slur...”

For what it's worth, I just refer to her as "the matchmaker."

Frankly, I don’t refer to the character much at all because she doesn’t really factor much into my game. I don’t use either matchmaking or potions in my normal game-playing, so the only function she serves in my game is dropping off genie lamps. So perhaps I’ll call her “the LDO” from now on: The Lamp-Dropper-Offer. :)

didilysims replied to your photo “What happens when you’re a family of four living in a one-bedroom...”

In the dead of winter no less!

Right? So, that mod that Gummilutt on MTS made that makes it so that Sims don’t freeze/overheat when sleeping tents is a godsend for me. :) I often use tents when families outgrow their houses because it’s often just (relatively) temporary, until some/all of the kids grow up and leave. Unless it’s an age-modded hood that greatly extends the child/teen lifestages, I don’t want to bother with massive remodeling or moving to a larger house which will quickly become an “empty nest,” anyway, since I don’t generally do multi-generational households in my game. So....tents it is when there’s an unexpected overflow! :D (I honestly thought that Sage would never marry, much less have kids! So, he just got a small, one-bedroom house.)

webluepeace replied to your photoset “Finished up this house. Have some interiors. There’s a furnished floor...”

Just curious, are you going to upload a furnished version? Because I really am in love with the interior!!

I don’t generally upload furnished houses because, frankly, I use a lot of Maxis recolors (98% my own) and repositoried sets (and don’t always use the master mesh on the lot) and custom objects of which I have a billion recolors. Maxis recolors don’t get included in lot packages. Neither do master meshes of repositoried sets when you don’t use that mesh on the lot. So for those, you have to hunt through your downloads and include a folder of separate files with the download. That is a time-consuming pain in the ass. And when you include a custom object on a lot, ALL of the recolors you have of that object package with the lot, too. So, for instance, I use Nengi’s rugs on pretty much all lots I build. I have about 200 recolors of those rugs. They all get sucked into lot packages if I include them and I then have to edit the package down to just the recolor(s) I used -- which, again, is time-consuming -- or else I’ll end up with 300MB lot packages full of unrelated object recolors, which I absolutely refuse to sic on downloaders. If I share a lot, I’m conscientious of including only what’s needed for that lot. Mostly because extra stuff pisses me off, when I download a lot from someone else.

That said, I have in the past uploaded a lot that is furnished and has custom meshes and walls/floors and such but that doesn’t include any recolors. So, it’s really ugly when you open it; it serves as a template of sorts to which you can apply your own recolors. If that would interest you, I could upload that house furnished, but you’d still have work to do to make it look exactly as I did it. That work will be easier if you generally download my recolors of things, but it’s not like you can’t do something equally as nice with entirely different recolors. Or maybe with no CC at all, who knows? I suck at CC-free, personally.

twofingerswhiskey replied to your photoset “OK, so the farmhouse I built turned out too big for the household it...”

this reminds me of tino's house in the weekenders!

I have no idea what you’re referring to, so I’ll have to take your word for it. :) And I have to hope that Tino’s house wasn’t an eyesore. :)

princess-arystal21 replied to your photo “What happens when you’re a family of four living in a one-bedroom...”

Reminds me of my first Asian family. Had them living in that tiny house that came with the IKEA expansion, and they ended up having 3 girls and a new floor being built.

Yeah, I rather enjoy cramming large families into small houses. :) I don’t really like playing large houses because the pixels get lost in them and I prefer to keep an eye on them. So, I’d rather cram a bunch of them in small spaces than let them spread out over a large space. They’re pixels; they don’t really care about personal space and privacy. :)

didilysims replied to your photo “Birthin’ time! And it’s another girl. Her name is Samantha.”

I may still call her Coconut. ;)

Thanks to you, that’s what I call her now, too. ;)

princess-arystal21 replied to your post “fuzzyspork replied to your post: I’m looking...”

I have issues with products popping up in weird spots outside the store, rather on the shelves where they belong. Then I find my stock person working way out in the street, or in the side-yards! Can't figure out how to stop that :/.

I can’t say I’ve ever had that issue, myself. But then, I don’t often have stores that sell stuff off shelves, mostly because I don’t like my Sims’ inventories becoming cluttered with a bunch of non-functional decorative crap. So, my owned lots tend to be venues or, if not, are things like salons, clothing stores, restaurants, electronics stores that sell video games and usable handheld devices, and grocery stores. Places that don’t sell useless non-functional crap, in other words. :)

Are you using custom shelves? Perhaps they aren’t really OFB-compatible as far as being used as store shelves, so the restock functions don’t work properly? Or does it happen when you’re using the Maxis shelves, too?

didilysims replied to your post “Does anyone know...?”

Does the owner have to be townified? You could move her out and never play her again and she would retain ownership. Or even stick her in an empty lot in the corner of the map somewhere out of sight if you don't want a cluttered Sim Bin.

Nah, the owner doesn’t HAVE to be townified; I just want them to be. :) I know it doesn’t really make much of a difference in the grand scheme of things. The only real benefit is that when a playable ages up, the townified-playable will show up on the “Sims to age up with this Sim” screen. Non-played playables don’t. So, that’ll make keeping ages in sync a little easier. So I guess for my own purposes it’s really more of a symbolic thing than anything else.

But I do like the idea of the hobby leaders owning lots. Then playables can visit and do the hobby leader interactions and hobby-related stuff without having a membership card (although I think the Visitor Controller can filter by OTH, now that I think about it, which will be useful for this) AND without having to use (or bother with the hassle of making over/replacing) the fugly and often nonsensical Maxis stealth hood hobby lots. I can build better ones, keep them in my lot bin, and have the hobby leaders own them instead. :) Although I still have to test to see if that will work...

fuzzyspork replied to your post “Hey!”

omg I used to do cross stitch! So much so that I was part of a cross stitch forum online. I got rid of all that stuff the last time we moved since it had been about 6 years at that point since I'd picked up a project. Kinda miss it now...

deedee-sims replied to your post “Hey!”

I used to do cross-stitching too!

Oh, yay, fellow stitchers! :) I used to do it A LOT, and I’m having such fun with finishing this old project that I’ve ordered another little kit online, as a little XMas gift to myself. I don’t think it’ll consume me like it once did, but it’s fun to do when I don’t feel like...oh...Simming or doing Sims-related things.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Pierre the Maid Dude earns his pay.”

I wish we had small terrariums in TS3 like this :)

Yeah, the ones in TS3 are kind of big, aren’t they? :\ I don’t know if that one has been/could be converted for 3 and still be functional rather than just deco, but it might be worth it to look? It’s basically the standard TS2 womrat cage without the stand, and it can be placed on any surface.

declarations-of-drama replied to your photo “Emmy popped with Vacation Baby. And then chilled in front of the nice...”

That's a lovely lounge! So many plants!

I have a tendency to overdecorate with plants. (And mirrors, being the child of the 70s that I am.) I think it’s because in real life I can’t keep plants. I like them, but I forget about them and kill them and then I feel terrible. So, most of the plants in my house are fake, the only exception being culinary herbs (including marijuana because it’s legal where I live) and giant aloe plants because they serve a purpose. (Respectively: I eat them and have an unfortunate tendency to accidentally burn myself. And I’ll also eat aloe -- and other cacti -- for that matter.) So, yeah, lots of plants in my Sims houses, where they can be pretty and I can’t kill them. :)

declarations-of-drama replied to your photoset “Random captured pics from Sage and Emmy’s Twikii Island honeymoon. 4...”

This makes me miss TS2 so bad! I used to love that charleton dude lol

YOU SHOULD PLAY IT! TS2 IS THE BEST! ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!

Nah, I kid. :) TS2 is my main squeeze, sure -- and IMO its remaining online community is the best -- but I do cheat with TS3 on occasion. I have no interest in TS4, though...

eulaliasims replied to your photoset “It was time for the twins to teenify. I decided that Allison needed...”

That hair looks really good on Allison!

Yeah, I thought so! I’m always leery of using dreads on my Sims because frankly, while many of them are dark-skinned, none of them really look “classically black,” if you know what I mean, since I use just slightly altered Maxis face templates. And while in my head my Sims world doesn’t have a concept of races of people, the online community is touchy on the subject and I’m not looking for drama. So, I weighed things in my head and eventually went, “Screw it. That hair looks better on her than any other style I have, so it’s what she’s getting.”

kayleigh-83 replied to your photo “And the penguin showed up to have a chat with the twins’ snowperson...”

My penguin almost exclusively has conversations about mathematical formulae. He’s a really well educated fellow and Plumbbob knows he won’t get intelligent discourse out of my Sims!

Maybe penguins are like Douglas Adams’s dolphins, with a comprehensive knowledge of quantum physics. :) So, if the penguins all suddenly leave the planet with a “So long, and thanks for all the fish” in penguin language, perhaps we’d do well to follow them. ;)

getmygameon replied to your photo “And the penguin showed up to have a chat with the twins’ snowperson...”

Gotta love those random wtf speech bubbles 'Did I tell you the time I found a stale croissant. STALE! humans can't cook worth a damn I tell you! How do they survive ?!"

The penguins often have either very profound or very silly conversations. Both are signs of high intelligence, so there we go... :)

freezerbunny-sims replied to your photoset “I finished up the restaurant in GilsCarburg that will eventually be...”

The gallery looks so cozy and it actually reminds me of some restaurants in the beach towns of my province.

Oh, that’s good to hear, thank you! Because GilsCarburg is supposed to be a “beachy” community. Not in the tropical/Caribbean sense, though. More like a temperate “Northeastern US/New England” sort of “beachy,” the kind of place that people go to on summer weekends to lay on beaches like landed whales in order to escape the heat in nearby large cities. I fear I haven’t generally succeeded at that “feel,” though...because I often forget that that’s what I’m going for. So, it’s good when I (accidentally) do something right. :)

holleyberry replied to your photo “And then it was Gwen’s turn to age up. No party and no retirement for...”

Congrats on this accomplishment! It makes me want to go start a legacy.

I never really have success with standard legacies, at least not in the sense of just playing one subset (the “heirs”) of one family. That’s rather boring, to me. But I DO play whole neighborhoods for as long as I can, with multiple families over many generations. So I guess in that sense I DO play legacies. Legacies on steroids. And crack. Lots of crack.

didilysims replied to your photo “Cherry retired from firefighting. Luckily, they won’t be relying on...”

Ha ha, good to see she saved up for her old age! What was her job that pays such peanuts?

:D She was in the NPC firefighter career from the set of NPC careers that I have, which I guess were originally designed to be given to married-in NPCs in the various service careers. They are much less lucrative than the standard careers. The level one jobs all pay $50 a day. And since Cherry never rolled any wants for any skill points, ever, she never advanced past Level 1. Hence, her gigantic pension. :)

#princess-arystal21 #caticalcorrectness #fuzzyspork #digitalangels #kayleigh-83 #holleyberry #eulaliasims #dunne-ias #blackswan-sims #didilysims #webluepeace #twofingerswhiskey #deedee-sims #declarations-of-drama #getmygameon #freezerbunny-sims #replies

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 7 years ago

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categorized and generalized all the types of tumblr aesthetics i have come across.

I have been going through archives for the last five years on tumblr now, and i can’t help but notice that a lot of blogs are the same. There seems to be a pattern in the sorts of aesthetics i run up against. So, in my exhaustion, i tried coming up with all the different aesthetics, and i tried to put them into certain categories. Obviously, some of these categories are mixed with others.

PORN TUMBLR

-general porn

-lesbian/gay general

-kinky stuff

-daddy dom stuff - tied up boobies

-bears

-just unrealistic nudes

-just realistic nudes

-vintage porn, and occasionally porn that is so old that it was drawn by someone in the 1800′s

- hentai and erotic animal people cartoon characters going at it

-person who took about five pictures of themselves naked five years ago who has not come back

RICH KID TUMBLR

-super modelesque kids in their super rich cool kid clothes and fashion in Starbucks taking pictures of their food and their trips to Europe in 1st class

- incredibly expensive looking sunglasses

-rich kid travel blogs with hundreds of thousands of notes of pictures from rich people buildings

-quotes that say 'be happy' or stuff about saying anyone can just travel anywhere at any time, just the general advice you might get from someone who doesn't know how the other half lives

- cats

VINTAGE TUMBLR

-the greatest generation stuff, forgotten early hollywood actors/actresses, very old movie gifs, Theda Bara, Clara Bow, Carol Lombard, early Joan Crawford, Gone with the Wind ect..

-50's, 60's and 70's, Nancy Sinatra, Brigitte Bardot, Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn – generally a lot of Audrey Hepburn

-Posts old advertisements and old cars, sometimes old toys, a few pinups, vintage comics, kinda weird

- vintage toy blogs - just toys, named and dated

-sometimes retrospace stuff

-sometimes just old comic book stuff

FEMINIST/ GENDER STUDIES TUMBLR

-intersectional feminists who post mostly text and back and forth writings, sometimes they fight

-radfems and turfs, unpopular minority of angry at the intersectional feminists

- Fat Acceptance movement, chubby bunnies

-other girl's selfies, lots of girl power related drawings of gender symbols and the like, Grimes, being a witch, Courtney Love, sailor moon, and so forth, sometimes bleeds into soft grunge

-topics on transgender, gender fluid and others that have informative

- asexual community

BLACK LIVES MATTER TUMBLR

-black lives matter awareness, police brutality, pointing out flaws in legal system

-lovely stylish selfies

-call outs of racism, lots of dialogue, and the extension of twitter

80's + 90's GIF TUMBLR

-like gifs of scratched up VCR obscure film openings, and repetitious obscure 80's gifs in general, everything is fuzzy and looks like it came from an 80' infomercial, kinda makes you feel scared

-90's gifs of Pee Wee Herman, Catdog, Clarissa Explains it All, Chucky Cheese, Fruit by the Foot, Beavus and Butthead, Bart Simpson, and so on

HIPPIE TUMBLR

-just like the rich kidz, only they have white kid dreads and post a lot of vanlife stuff, lots of festivals

-mostly psychedelic gifs, with occasional trippy art, Foster the People is their favorite band

-real hippies, who post pictures of communes and people making tyed dye things, nonsexual nudes with hairy women, Grateful Dead stuff

-Buddhist and Hindu quotes, sometimes lilies

SOFT GRUNGE TUMBLR

purple and pink skies, water, windows with lace

girls with pale skin and perfect make up, and chokers, bruises, sparkly skin

mermaid texture, mermaid hair colors

Lana Del Rey

kind of like 90's only more melty and pink

quotes about good vibes

Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless mind reference

moon print

dream pop bands from the early 90's

GROWN UP SOFT GRUNGE TUMBLR

picture of Uma Thurman overdosing in Pulp Fiction

lots and lots of flowers

lots of sensual pictures of pale skin under certain lighting

albino people

albino animals

pictures of sunrises

Reykjavic

kind of like the Soft Grunge, but just a little bit more subtle and film tumblry

ART BLOG TUMBLR

old roman art

chinese, japanese and korean art from long ago

renaissance and medieval art with religious context

just like medieval art of specifically torture

18th and 19th century portrait paintings

Scenic paintings of hills, Van Gogh, Toulouse-Lautrec, Monet

Dada, Pablo Picasso, Jackson Pollock, Salvador Dali, Andy Warhol, Adolph Wolfie

Modern art that is squiggly, slimy, and bizzare, breaks art rules but looks good, David Shrigley

Modern Surrealists

ARTIST BLOG TUMBLR

posts really great homemade gifs that nobody knows about infrequently

blogs that only have the artwork of the blog owner – generally post infrequently and not given enough credit ever, except maybe one of there works has a whole bunch of notes

person who keeps painting the same thing over and over again and does it a lot for years at a time, 0 notes usually – who are you??

collage artists that mix 50's scenes with hyperspace backdrops

FILM BLOG TUMBLR

-Stanley Kubrick, Jean Cocteau, lots of black and white french films

-that movie where the two people are sitting on the ledge of a building and the other one jumps off

Clockwork Orange

-Paris, Texas

David Lynch

Blue Velvet, Twin Peaks (gets stolen by other kinds of blogs frequently)

Wim Wenders,

Rare film art from Poland in the 70's

Jans Svankmajer

Man Ray, Max Ernst,

cool quotes by philosopher, artist, psychologist, or film director

Amelie

sometimes Wes Anderson

PHOTOGRAPHY TUMBLR

abandoned places, gas stations, archaic cafes, falling apart amusement parks

uses too much dark fade out in the background pictures of fields and stuff, overused filtering – posted a ton three years ago and then left

just photostock

girl who takes pictures of herself in costume

Nature pictures, animal pictures ect..

person who just takes pictures of textures and minimalist buildings – usually colorful

person who's personal Instagram picture just automatically post to tumblr also, probably never checks up, usually pictures of them with friends as a pub

Indigenous pictures from around the world, some of them from books, some from National Geographic, some from other places

Super old pictures from old newspapers, the great depression, WW2 – generally black and white

MUSIC TUMBLR

Really likes Led Zeppelin, The Doors and The Who, sometimes mixed with other vintage, often posts the same pictures and songs for years – you feel bad because no new music will be coming out from these artists

super cheesy Van Halen, Kiss, Styx, Ozzy person, Big Hair, likes 80's pin ups and skulls, sometimes into martial arts

super cheesy death metal fan, lots of pinups, corny black and white pictures of skulls and such

REALLY likes British Invasion, The Zombies, The Kinks, The Hollies, The Animals, will occasionally post Detroit girl groups from the 60's, some Velvet Underground, pictures of the Beatles girlfriends

Just David Bowie, Lou Reed, Patti Smith and Iggy Pop. Maybe some New York Dolls

Old Blues and Jazz, Etta James, Son House, Nina Simone, pictures of Leadbelly and Howlin' Wolf and especially Miles Davis

really into post punk, Nick Cave, Siouxsie, Bauhaus, The Cure, Einsturzende Neubauten, Lydia Lunch, PJ Harvey and Rowland S. Howard, sometimes Morrissey. also generally mixes film and art blog stuff in with occasional feminist things

Just Morrissey, they call him Moz.

Fan clubs for specific bands that are newer and popular like Arctic Monkeys or Fallout Boy, but also ones blogs that really like emo lyrics from early 2000's and such – scene kids that are still scenin' it up

loves Jens Lekman, Belle and Sebastian, The Magnetic Fields and The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Cigarettes After Sex. Usually posts really cute modern art, and uses tumblr mostly for writing, has the cutest hair cut and can pull off overalls, never posts too little or too much, extremely twee

HISTORY TUMBLR

ancient mesopotamia, greek and Egyptian history and relics

Blogs that are specifically about one place in one era - Ancient Russia, Ireland before it was taken over, precolonial India and so on

Samurai, Geisha, and scrolls

Swords, knights, castles, kings of Europe in general

Specific Wars, examples: 7 Years War, Revolutionary War, WW1 + 2

France from before the revolution – pictures of wigged men, Napoleon, Marie Antoinette

Jane Austen time era anything 18th and 19th century, slight excuse to post lots of Pride and Prejudice gifs with Keira Knightly and that Mr. Darcy in the rain

Outfits – just outfits that are really old

person who is obsessed with the Nazis and seems to like Hitler

Flappers and earlier 20th – often an excuse to post gifs of Downton Abbey

Vintage books, often children books, but sometimes others

DESIGN TUMBLR

really fucked up pictures of the Simpsons melting and stuff

gradient graphic art with symbols or words meant to convey a product that I don't understand for an obscure magazine subscription

graphic squiggles without form, minimalist graphic pictures of beach balls, tennis bats, and sneakers

bizarre smiley faces made from smaller smiley faces

80's inspired design

odd looking models with undercuts and no eyebrows

cartoon dogs and cats

just static and glitches. Nothing more, nothing less

either they make their own graphic designs and they rarely post, or they compile reblogs of everyone else's and they post all the time

WEIRDO TUMBLR

insane family pictures of family who all has mullet dressed as bumble bees

Lots of Robert Crumb, some vintage stuff, but nothing remotely main stream

Some of the modern art, but only the weirdest of it

claymation masks

Comix

Moebius

art from early Power Point

100 piece sculptures with melted toys

paintings of monsters

Steve Brule

children's fan art of Smokey the Bear – looks disturbing

Items that are too kitschy to be accepted by your average vintage indie blog

sometimes a specific blog centered around some kind of crazy event where everyone dresses completely insane

POLITICAL TUMBLR

the communists and Marxists

a mixture of BLM and LGBTQ stuff

the libertarians, anarchocapitalists, Ayn rand folk

the left wing anarchists, freegans, graffiti punks, garden punks, possums

informative left wing news that explains to us everyday how the GOP is fucking us

alt. right creeps who are simply here to be trolls and upset everyone else – anti SJW, that stupid frog, nationalists, trump supporters and such – irrelevant poorly thought memes

I miss Obama memes

Bernie Sanders forever and always folk

RAINBOW TUMBLR

pictures of rainbow candies, toys, designs, clothing and so forth all of it rainbow

people who post one color at a time, so when you go through their archive it's all gradient and neat looking – usually the pictures are a little stock photoish though

HALLOWEEN TUMBLR

Betty Page

The Cramps. Reverend Horton Heat

Psychobilly pin ups, old cars, burning skulls, vintage B horror movies, The Swamp Thing

Legitimately obsessed with the activities of Halloween – posts witches, devils, trick or treat candy, Bella Lugosi, The Monster Mash, Halloween decoration - and doesn't ever forget how many days away Halloween is

Jack the Skeleton

Freddy Krueger

FANCLUB TUMBLR

Superwholock

Hannigram

American Horror Story

K Pop and J Pop + Korean Drama

boy bands in general

Hamilton

My Little Ponies

Ghibli Studios

Various anime shows

fat Disney princesses

Super heroes

Pokemon

Big Bang Theory

Mighty Boosh

Monty Python

Phantom of the Opera

Labyrinth

Vampire Chronicles

Orange is the New Black

Breaking Bad

Alice in Wonderland

Harry Potter

Star Wars

Steven Universe

Adventure Time

Game of Thrones and Walking Dead

any television show really

Furry cartoons

lots of spacy quick anime chibi versions of characters who are hooking up and wouldn't normally in the show

scenes from movies with subtext that comes from a different movie or show

probably countless others i am not thinking of.

SPECIALTY TUMBLR

serial killer blogs

unexplained mysteries, ghosts, ufo's

pictures of galaxies with information (not sparkly silly ones with no context)

sewing and yarn

precious stones

cars

just gardening

just cats

religious blogs, either Islam, Christian, Jewish, Hindu or Buddhist

specific animal blogs, snake, spiders, wild cats and such

science blogs about technology and stuff

NATURE TUMBLR

stock photoish pictures of camp grounds and misty mountains – often taken by the hippies

angelic looking deer, and occasional animal burials with flowers'

person who takes pictures of flowers all the time

granola type fellow who loves juicing and backpacking – doesn't get on tumblr much

BLACK AND WHITE GOTH TUMBLR

slenderman fan art, actually just about anything creepypasta related

you have to turn off the music when you visit their page because it's just too much

fan art of black eyed children

slit wrists

pictures that were turned into Gifs because they shake

taxidermy

screamo lyrics

Alice in wonderland with X's for eyes

gothic models

occasional serial killer

skulls and references to Edgar Allan Poe

GIF MEME TUMBLR

just a sea of Gifs and memes relating to anything about life ever – almost shitposting but not quite

eventually one of the gifs got 100,000 notes for it's relatability so they get a lot of traffic

lots of pictures and circumstances from The Office, Parks and Rec, and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Nihilist memes

SOFTY TUMBLR

kind of a little girl dom thing going on

Kawai and lots of Japanese girls

cute colorful make up

plushies and toys

references to fantasy cartoons from the 80's, the last unicorn, or that one with the girls in that band

Polly Pockets, Furbies, trolls

gifs of stars and hearts

Sailor Moon

pink bedroom

baby animals

occasionally more on the vintage kitschy side

WICCA TUMBLR

ravens, bats, candles

pentacles and other symbols

crystals

sometimes there is dreads

occasionally, it is a serious practicing Wicca who posts spells and gives witch advice

lots of personal reflections

boobs

GROSS TUMBLR

Tim and Eric, Steve Brule centered blog that are mostly in the act to make you feel queezy

like, people eating cheerios with ketchup and people wearing shoes with the soles cut out, people putting their feet in spagetti, bad tattoos on foreheads

snails, beetles, bird doing mean things to people

mostly moldy things, moss, strange dolls

things that look like they came from the dark crystal,

delapitating bedrooms that once belonged to a little girl, torn wall paper, old porcelain dolls that are slightly upsetting

Clowns

occasionally a blog so gross you will be ruined for having seen it – Two Girls one Cup sort of thing

NERD TUMBLR

old video game start up pages

Super Mario Bros.

Other video game characters

chibis of video game characters interacting with one another

Final Fantasy references

randomly doesn't post for a year

SELF HELP TUMBLR

blog that gives dumb advice that only works if you were already happy anyway

either semi fake or oversimplified 'psyche facts'

blogs from people who suffer from addiction or mental illness and want help and use their blog to vent

blogs ran by people who enjoy crystal meth and don’t give a fuck.

worthy of mentioning, blogs that nobody ever posted a single thing or just one thing, like, really cryptic blogs that nobody could ever understand, blogs that were taken over by some kind of virus and they are trying to sell you male pattern baldness remedies, or they are now call absurdly pornographic things because the virus took over and now they are like blonde cumfuck creampie or something of that nature, and blogs were the person was basically saying they have found a girlfriend/boyfriend now and don’t need tumblr anymore so goodbye

and in my experience ...

anybody can post pictures of jiggly boobs

anybody can post Grace Jones

anybody can post a Bjork song

these seem to be universal truths that defy limitations

#text

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hayleylovesyou2 · 8 years ago

Text

Bobby Died.

This morning work was cancelled after what felt like a too-long-holiday with too-much-time alone … I found the article “When An Ex Dies” (http://www.nextavenue.org/no-place-grief-ex-dies/) in my FB feed, detailing the unexpected death of an ex-husband - father of her children, remarried with a teenage son - and finding her place in the grieving process. They were no longer friends, didn’t talk much, but their lives were intimately intertwined for longer than not.

Then a google search uncovered a Hello Giggles piece on the death of an ex-boyfriend, hospitalized for 28 days before dying of heart failure, and the strange space that occupies. Once inseparable, but never married. Close with family, but that was 2 years ago. Would he have wanted her there? Was she allowed to be with his family? She had a month as he was hospitalized to wrestle these questions.

It made me think about what happens when we’re socially denied the right to our feelings. our experiences. What happens when we’re alone with our pain and not allowed to grieve.

Because more than what happens when an ex dies, I wonder.

What happens if an ex dies, and no one knows you existed. And he died quickly.

And horribly.

I used to joke “boyfriend” was a strong word, though that’s what I call him today. It’s easier. Feels true. But in the moment before Facebook, there was no “it’s complicated” to point to. Did we date? We did go “out” once or twice. Whispering in halls after class, a subtle graze on the shoulder, little secret pinch at our mutual work. After visits at 2am, or nights he didn’t go home. We knew what the other looked like without any clothes. Mostly, we wrote. Corresponded like old-fashioned pen-pals in an emerging digital age. Livejournal, Xanga, Myspace, Deviant Art, OkCupid, AIM. He was a beautiful writer, photographer, creator. He could turn a phrase in the way that sparked my heart and ignited my brain, activating my desire to create that had waned in a dead, ill-matched-to-me place. He inspired me to write as much and as well as he did. I’d churn out content in hopes for a comment, like, response. Experiment. To impress. We��d chat for hours in our separate rooms on our separate giant desktop computers about how isolating being somewhere we didn’t feel like we belonged felt, and why we stayed, our plans to get out. His brain worked the same way my brain did. Neither of us had a southern accent. We liked the same films, music, politics. In any other city or timeline - in a healthy world - this would sound eye-rollingly mundane. But in my accidental religious college I felt trapped in, landlocked in a rural corner of a rural state that was so far from what I wanted and where I wanted to be … it felt like magic to have found him. And to have found him by accident. At the last possible second. It was a psychic, emotional, intellectual connection. Bobby meant the world to me. But we didn’t date. I wasn’t his girlfriend. His friends didn’t get it, and were kept out of the loop. No one knew what I thought I knew. That my love for Bobby was true.

But I was not the love of his life.

He had a crush on a gentle British soccer player named Jenny, who he told me about … later. His blog posts, vague odes to love … we’re not about me, as I had thought. Hoped. Wondered. But his love was also unrequited, and that didn’t stop the sleepovers. Pinches. Hours crafting kinetic poetic essays on AIM.

We met on a media-arts trip to Dallas. I had seen him, but we’d never spoken. He was classically attractive - over 6ft tall, awkward and hunchy. A recently nerdy chubby boy who had no idea what effect he could have on a girl. In Georgia … at that school … I naturally assumed the worst, about a blonde boy with big steel-blue eyes. Everyone was conservative, Baptist, liked hunting, sports, and the other things that didn’t impress my bitterly equally stereotypical 90s-gothy-art heart. But we’d moved into the aughts, and the Iraq War was underway, and I’d given up on finding anyone who made me feel anything other than invisible, impossibly lonely, terrifyingly hated. So that day in Dallas, i wagered I was ½ way to L.A. And I started driving west, away. But I got a call that some of the “yearbook kids” wanted to go with me to see Margaret Cho, a show nearby I’d found, that the “newspaper” crew had all turned down. And yeah, traffic was bad. And sure, I’d left all my clothes at the hotel. So I figured we’d go see the show, THEN I’d run away. Just in time, I picked them up. And that’s when I first met Bobby, and fell.

My CD case was filled with bizarre mixes from the expiring gasp of Napster’s bastard child, and film soundtracks. And usually Cats, just to piss people off. One previous attempt at college friendship led to a girl I was driving up the mountain to mock a really dumb song by an awful band about pinball (and the wizards who sure could play it) while I tried not to beat myself to death on the steering wheel. So I fired up a “weirder” CD* - Kill Bill soundtrack I think - to defiantly be me in front of these strangers I was sure were about to offend me. (*Obviously this is hardly a weird soundtrack, but this is Georgia, 2003.)

But Bobby knew what it was, basic though now it seems. Excited. We talked about the movie enthusiastically, the first person I got to discuss it with, the whole drive there. The rest of the car was offended by Cho - half the audience walked out when she tackled Iraq - but Bobby and I easily agreed. It didn’t matter it wasn’t funny. Nothing had been funny in over 2 years. And we both found we weren’t easy to offend, at least not with rebel trappings of sex, drugs, and political whims. We parted that night with lingering eye contact, a shy smile. A plan to see a movie the next night while everyone else watched football.

I stayed. I didn’t run away to LA.

The next night, during the final Matrix film, our pinkies teased, curious and unsure, creeping back and forth around excuses to pass popcorn and fake scares, until we finally held hands. After, in the hotel, I wanted to show him something in another room. I’d never felt that kind of clean attraction, never felt it so confidently, boldly. We talked close. Then forehead to forehead. Then lips to lips. Talking, still. Giggling. We kissed.

Until a yearbook kid, jealous? perhaps? barged in and told Bobby they had all decided to leave for home, immediately, so pack up. I could come, too, but they wouldn’t wait. I had driven 4 other members of newspaper, so I ran to their rooms and desperately tried to convince them to leave. Or Bobby would stay, if one of them would trade. But of course not, disappointment reigned. I offered to leave my car. They called me selfish. Bobby left. I stayed.

Our time was short. 3 months, tops. We saw each other, touched each other, he took me to the homecoming dance as my first, proper date. We danced. He was an early adopter of the White Stripes, such a relief from a sea of Creed, and we’d talk, listen, dream. But for the crush I had on him, he didn’t have the same on me, despite our mental connection, and as I slowly (very slowly) let that settle in … I didn’t take it very well. I took it very not well. So not well I can’t really remember the next phase. Before you judge too harshly, a sad girl who blacked out when another flawed human didn’t turn into a prince, a savior, turning this story into a fairy tale. Please understand how dire it had been right before he appeared. Sometimes I think the universe sent him to me to keep me safe, from running away, to finish out a final semester in one piece. A little kindness, a booster seat. Bobby was always meant to be short lived.

The last night before winter break he said he was going to come over, then said he was coming with friends. I bribed older kids to buy me $50 worth of beer. Also picked up a party platter, so they’d like me, I was scared of his friends. It was a redemption, a chance to reconcile. But he didn’t come. I texted, he stopped replying. Called more times than socially acceptable. But at 2:30am the doorbell rang. Bobby had come! He cared! And I bounded to greet him … only it wasn’t him. It was a strung out stranger, raging, who started hitting me, tried to push his way in. I fought him off and locked the door, called 911 who told me it wasn’t real. Called Bobby, who finally answered and told me I was lying for attention, insane. My parents got me the next day. And I never returned to Georgia.

I started a new school in January. I knew it was necessary, but I was still in love with Bobby. We kept talking, blogging, calling. I was lonely and would photograph my new surroundings and send the pictures to him, for critiques. We’d set concert dates that fell apart hours beforehand. I shipped him t-shirts as surprises he never admitted receiving. I visited near spring break with a box of gifts, $100 of books and tschotskes that I individually wrapped and carefully decorated with quotes from his favorite books, songs, Jack White, films. I dropped it off at his dorm, but he said he never got it. He said it was stolen, and i was an idiot for leaving it. He had told me he’d be there, so I sat outside awhile and called, waited, asked his hallmates where he was. Said I made him look like an asshole, a bad guy, and he was done dealing with me. I still believe he had the gift, maybe threw it away without opening it in a fit, but something always felt off about his recounting of events. Later I learned he had fallen in love with a girl he followed to Honduras, and was at a concert with her that day. It was all over a then secret blog, one I found after he was gone. I was at a new school and met new people. Hurt, changing, our connection faded out. In person, I never saw him again, though sometimes I’d quietly and secretly check in.

My birthday 2006, he messaged me. First time in forever. He apologized, said he often thought of me, and hoped i was well. I cautiously wished the same. He had decided to stay in town a year after graduation to stay with his friends, I was a super-senior due to the transfer and in no rush because I had essentially started all over again. He got his first job as an AD on a small feature shooting in town and was writing again. I ran my school film committee, and was wrapping up a degree with a minor in cinema. I saw a future unfold in front of me, how Bobby would return to me, where we’d reunite, as collaborators at least, in film, in Los Angeles, CA. We chatted on FB and joked about films, pop culture, cylons. Do you remember the early days of social media? When Facebook would email you when you got a wall post or comment, but it just would just say “Bobby posted on your wall!” to send you to go and check.

And in late January 2007, I received a series of these emails saying Bobby had commented on a photo, posted on my wall. But he must have deleted them, I never saw what he said. I was newly embroiled in a tumultuous, confusing relationship and didn’t reach out to ask, though it struck me more than it should. He also seemed to be in a new relationship he was pretty into, posting vague poetry and odes to love. He posted on Valentines Weekend 2007 that he was fixing something that was long overdue. To do it right, finally. It sounded confident, optimistic, resolute.

The same Valentines Weekend of 2007, I was to go to a protest in Washington D.C., but I pulled out at the last minute. I had a feeling in my chest, a dread, an inner scream too loud to ignore, but too deep to let out. So I lied and said I had a funeral to attend on Tuesday, throwing my favorite aunt under the bus. I felt weird, dark, scared. I was convinced something bad was going to happen – it was icy, maybe there was going to be a wreck? I was low on money, I said. They were mad I flaked, and left me alone, behind.

Now you could say I saw it immediately, but it took me a full 3 days to “see.”

His post had a lot of comments, maybe everyone knew what he was talking about, or it was a quote I had missed, I speculated. I talked to my co-worker (who I ALSO had had a huge crush on) about him, told him about Bobby, how I had loved him. That they were both talented. Maybe we’d all work together some day. This was Friday.

There were an unusual number of pictures on FB about Bobby. I smiled. I loved Bobby. These were great pictures. I should ask him what he wrote on my wall.

There were an unusual amount of comments about Bobby. About Bobby being a good guy. I smiled. Bobby was a great guy. Not even weird, everyone knew it. We’d had our pain, and troubles, but I loved Bobby dearly. This was Saturday.

Then in the early AM … all my friends in Washington DC … I it. I saw the “was.” Bobby ‘was’ such a great guy.

Even then, I was like “what did Bobby do? Did he get in trouble? Is he not a good guy?”

“Bobby was a great guy, I’m shocked by the news, I don’t believe it.”

WHAT NEWS.

“Bobby was so kind, he didn’t deserve this.” Comment after comment, picture after picture, reality came into view.

Bobby had died over Valentines Weekend, 2007.

Bobby didn’t just die. He died badly.

And Bobby didn’t die in an accident, though that is what they told his aging dad.

Bobby was murdered. Brutally.

Murdered running for his life after his girlfriend, who he was naked in bed with the morning after Valentines day, was killed at close range.

Murdered by her ex, a sad man who seemed confused he couldn’t own someone, a weak man sent by the devil to take two bright, shinning lives, when he found them in her home when he showed up unannounced. So went to his car, grabbed his good-ole-boy gun, and shot them both more times than is needed to kill someone. She was in the bedroom. Bobby made it to the front lawn. I couldn’t breathe. He was gone. His Facebook status was updated in the wee am to “Bobby is dead.”

A memorial group was set up, in it’s haste called “Bobby: You Won’t Never Be Forgotten” and a girl from the car that night in Dallas kindly added me. No one knew what to do. So jokes were made.

And there was a funeral. It was Tuesday.

—-

He was my highest match on a dating site in the whole southeast for years. When we met, we were 84%. And the thing about the dating site was … they didn’t delete his profile. It stayed up almost 10 years. This year, 2016, was the year it finally disappeared. And this year … we matched at 99%. I know that is who I am with who he was, but still. 99%.

I live in LA now … and I think I live here for him. He would’ve been so much more successful than me, so much more easily. But I think I fight for him. I need to make something for him, because he couldn’t. I need to be something, someone. Because he never will.

And I think of Bobby everytime I hear Jack White. Sometimes I hate it. Sometimes it hurts too much. I had a White Stripes song in my head just last night. I guess that’s part of what triggered this today. It’s so easy to get laughed at, getting emotional at songs from a band who are currently pretty basic and passé. Wanting to tell, but think no one cares?

What do you do when you loved someone who died, and you’re not allowed to love them?

I don’t know if Bobby wants my love, or appreciates it, or it matters to him in death. If he’d want me to keep talking about him, or pretending like I have a right to a piece of him. But based on the last time we really talked, I hope he would understand. And appreciate. And that this love … though not a reciprocated romantic love … was still valuable.

Because I will always deeply love Bobby. And in 6 weeks, he’ll have been gone 10 years.

I don’t want to be trapped by the past. Caught up in pain. This year I want to honor Bobby in a positive way … by making something for him. To honor him.

I hope I can.

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